#why must I work for a living

[sunset-sama]

As I near the end of E.E., I’ve started thinking about future endeavors. Though the possibilities are endless, there are some stories I’d love to write, if only I had more time and talent:

Fantasy medieval romance, centered around political marriage and enemies-to-lovers

Mafia romance with accidental lovers (cheesy and overdone, I know—but the potential is there, if done tastefully)

GoT fix-it canon divergence, with Jon and Dany as endgame. The TV series finale actually keeps me up at night. I don’t hate it for what it is, I hate it for how it makes me FEEL. Would’ve made more sense with better writing. “Subversion of expectations” is just a lazy excuse for “we didn’t want to put in the work to make this believable.”

Something with mermaids. I’ve yet to decide on a plot.

The companion fic to E.E. from Amon’s POV. I still only have one chapter posted, and it’s constantly in the back of my mind. It wouldn’t be integral to the plot, but it would be SO COOL to show what he was thinking/doing during certain parts of the story (his genuine reaction to Rei’s coming on to him, what he was doing during his time as a fugitive, his private feelings about his brother’s politcal position, etc.) It would really elucidate a lot of his behavior. I’ve seen this format done for other romance stories, and really enjoyed having the other person’s POV.

A few one-shots to go along with E.E. Snippets of how Liu and Amon met. How Hiroshi and Amon met. The very beginnings of the Equalist Underground™. Years before Noatak became ✨Amon✨, when he was just a teenage runaway. His first arrival to Republic City, and his time living as a civilian (this had to have happened, right?). Him learning how to cut off a person’s connection to their element (I know that took YEARS to get right. I wouldn’t be shocked if he accidentally killed people on his first few attempts).

[itmightbeneb]

I got work tomorrow 😭

[rockingtheorange]

Why is Nick such an asshole to Taylor and the film? He already toldAmazon he will nto be doing the sequel.

I don't like answering this type of questions so I'll make it as complete as I can, so people can get a life outside their own expectations. (I'm not defending Nick, I'm stating facts.)

First of all, let's not spread false rumors. Nick has not dropped the project. (I'm baffled on how this rumor could start in the first place)

Nick signed a contract for the sequel, he has responsibilities towards it, and consequences if he doesn't follow it. Regardless, it's not us who decide the terms. If he ever decides to leave the project, he'll make a choice and ponder the consequences.

"He could do more". Well, he also could do less. He's an actor and does his job however he feels like. (Do y'all care about every single aspect of your own jobs or studies? Bet you have priorities, right?)

In pop culture, there's this conception of the artist "owes his fans". While I'm inclined to love fanservice of all kind because it makes us, fans, feel appreciated, no one forces us to be a fan, meanwhile the artists are forced to do fanservice as long as they want or their contracts stipulates that.

Now let me go onto the specific part of Nicholas' life and personality.

Let's remind ourselves that we can be the biggest fans and yet know nothing about our favorite celebrities. They show us what they want us to know, it's our choice to decide what we want to follow, hear or understand.

As far as we know Nick, he's always been a quiet reserved person, who suffers from anxiety, doesn't like big social events and hardly uses social media (especially in the recent years)

He's somewhat a fearful person who decides to step outside his comfort zone. We can know that from his song Comfort.

Nick has talked about how one of his "great fears is being misunderstood." You can read about it in the article RWRB related from BritishGQ in which he compares his fear with Henry's experience.

Nick has been showing multiple times in multiple occasions how he loved Henry and loved playing him. He wouldn't have said "yes" to a sequel if he didn't want to. (I'd also say it's a big deal since Nick has always only played in project that didn't get a sequel, and he consciously decided to agree to it.)

In Nick's career, we can see how diverse and interesting his characters must be. He's drawn to peculiar characters and when he finds one, he puts everything he has to offer into it. This leads him to focus on other characters that aren't the same static one from a year or two ago. (He moves on to the next project, and I don't see anything bad about it.)

Working a lot means schedule conflicts and Nick has always had this problem. If he doesn't work on something new, he rests while doing his little hobbies. (Does he need to attend every social event if he doesn't want to? Do y'all ever rest? And if you don't, can other rest instead?)

I added my personal opinion in parenthesis so it doesn't get confused with the facts. Nick is a human with personal interests, ranked scale of values and personal life.

If you don't want to be a fan, don't be. If you want to be a hater, talk it to the wall instead of harming or annoy others. If you have expectations over other people, learn to manage what you can't control. If you think you're in control of someone else, you're not.

Now, excuse me I'll go back to watch RWRB with Henry played by Nicholas Galitzine, the actor who took his fragile character and held him in his hand, and protected him.

[beanscool-excellent]

npmd as textposts and various other things (part 2)

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[banditblvd]

youidraw.com was lowkey a little disappointing

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

bc its hot out im thinking about Laughingstock (two fluffy boys) being too warm to sleep in the same bed. so they start arguing over who gets the bed - trying to give it to each other of course - and Howdy. Howdy starts making a sales pitch about how great the bed is, wouldnt Barnaby like to try it? its right up his alley! perfectly suited to him! so Barns is like "oh hm well sure ill give it a go". he lays down. blinks. "heyyyyy wait a minute" but Howdy is already camped on the living room couch, smug as a bug

[sonknuxadow]

sorry i dont really like the shadow is silvers dad theory/headcanon/whatever and part of the reason for it is that people keep presenting it as an actual thing that could be possible even though it makes no sense and all "evidence" people use to back it up is easily disputed

[cheeseburgersinparadise]

wistfully day dreaming about being a cute little cottage wife to my cute chubby partner. we start the days in the garden and pick fresh fruits and veggies to use for dinner that night. my partner heads out to tend to the few livestock we keep, gathering eggs and feeding the animals. i return inside to prepare for the evening, mixing and chilling pie dough for a berry pie, roasting chicken with potatoes and carrots with a rich gravy. i fill our table with plenty, the rain falls gently outside, the fire crackling in the hearth. they eat their fill and then some, polishing off at least two slices of the still warm pie. our cats weave around our legs as we clean up, eager to find any dropped morsel. i put food away and make hot tea. we sip our steaming mugs while cuddled under a soft blanket. happy, warm, content, utterly in love.

[artsycloudysleepy]

OCs.......

i FINALLY settled on a design for the main character of Fabrication!!!! only took me............. six years........... sorry SELF.......

also did the guardian of perspective, shea (pronounced 'shay' iirc, they/them)! ended up being an anthromorphic horse guy, but they're a shapeshifter - it's just their base form :D

(SELF on left, shea on right)

and you can see my frantic design here; SELF was quick to figure out but shea was, uh. significantly harder, majorly bc i don't know how to draw horse heads

(the lil cloud is how i draw my persona)

fun fact abt SELF, they aren't actually a sentient die - they're a human, but they don't like showing their real face a lot of the time. what do they look like? beats me, i'm not about to make another bloody reference :p

also i used paint 3d for the first time!!! fiddly af but WHO CARES I GOT DEW TO SPIN :DDD

will be doing this again at some point, i like experimenting like this! maybe i'll give her the jacket she deserves.. also i FINALLY FOUND my old pen + pad for digital drawing so ig i'm gonna try using it more - used it for the initial sketch here, and it's still hard with dyspraxia, but am getting the hang of it!

update: krita was being funny about my pen but i think i'm improving at mousepad art (i will never use a mouse sue me)!!! here's princess eleanor and thunder being silly <3

(for context, eleanor unofficially adopts children left and right, so when thunder and her met, she was nicer to xem than originally planned and took xem in. she was interested in meeting SELF and the Fragments, and when she realised they were children, she went off wanting to hurt/influence them. she's manipulative due to her own goals of totally NOT murdering/otherwise influencing political opposition, but only to an extent for kids. they're innocent and she is a protector)

(shhh dw abt the blood....... she's innocent, look at that innocent face............ she's not an assassin princess, no............. shhh /jk /s)

oh and i remember @mylackofgrammaristerrifying saying that azzie should get a gf...... GUESS WHAT SHE GETS TWO, (though one is still being designed!) POLYAMORY TIME :DDD

they love each other dearly dw, azzie is upset for *reasons* in this drawing but nettle is good to her. they'll heal a bit more <3

i don't think i made a proper post on them (maybe?), tho they've been sitting in my masterpost for a while! gonna revamp both the refs and the masterpost at some point to be more simple tho. anyway here's nettle (she/they)!

the other partner is elle (they/them i think? either that or she/her, still choosing. genderqueer). all three are really in love, lil' goobers <3

oh, and one last drawing:

</3

moot tags! beware the horrors: @mrrottenreblogs @nylonnye2 and mlogit you have already been tagged! hope you guys are doing good :D

[bcbdrums]

I JUST WANNA THINK ABOUT THEM 24/7 WHY IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK

[sskk-manifesto]

Ep 5!!!

[thefirstknife]

New Veil log is killing me (nothing new under the sun).

Chioma: Chioma Esi, research log: Exos. Maya and I have built a working theory around the deaths of our Exo crewmates after their exposure to the Veil. According to maya, Exominds contain a combination of Vex radiolaria and something known as "Clarity." Radiolaria are alien microorganism living within a hive mind state. Or, I suppose more accurately, a community. Clarity is... Maya described it as a paracausal power derived from an alien artifact. Something BrayTech had kept secret. Something Maya... Maya thinks that the Veil and this artifact are related. That the paracausal force from the Veil overloaded their Exominds. Unraveled them. It's like taking a powerful magnet to an archaic magnetic storage device. Full erasure. But Maya... she thinks we can reverse-engineer this phenomenon. Use it to write data to a Clarity-infused object. Fabricate consciousness. Scientifically, the process seems sound, but morally... [sighs] maya keeps saying that we're past the point of morality. She said that! She's convinced that our survival hinges on mastery of the Veil. It's like SHE'S the one unraveling. I feel like I'm losing her. But every time I try and push, I feel her move a little further away. I'm-I don't know if I can lose anything else. How much more can any of us lose before there's nothing left? Osiris: Nimbus... how much do you know about the Cloud Striders' creation? The technology used? Nimbus: You don't think... Osiris: I make no assertions yet. But I worry that your neon-lit city may have darker roots than either of us knew. Nimbus: Oh.

WILD.

First, more stuff about Exos. Immediately there's a problem: Maya should not know about Clarity. Clarity was a tightly kept secret that even Elsie took a long time to find out about. Clovis worked with the Ishtar Collective at some point, but most certainly wasn't on a personal and friendly terms with Maya Sundaresh and would most certainly not tell her about his most closely guarded secret. Why?

Well, there was a Maya Sundaresh at Braytech on Europa when he was working on solving the Exo billboarding problem (the problem that returns in proximity to the Veil). It was a Vex simulation Maya, not the real her. The Vex-Maya ended up being one of the sorest spots for Clovis, mostly for arguing with him all the time, disagreeing with him and annoying him in general, but especially after she viciously tortured him during his surgery. Vex-Maya was also insisting that he must show her Clarity Control. It was the only thing that she was interested in:

"I'm in these frames. I'm in your systems. I'm in your very bones, old man. Now take me to Clarity Control. Take me to the garden's seed. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me—"

Vex-Maya continued to torment Clovis up until he finally uploaded himself. After that, we have no record of her whatsoever.

But even with all of this, at some point during or after this whole situation, Braytech collaborated with the Ishtar Collective on Soteria and the ECHO project. Clovis never would've accepted this if he was placed in any proximity to Maya Sundaresh. So I highly doubt that he would've even had the opportunity to tell her about Clarity, let alone that he would've actually told her about it. Maya was equally distrustful of Clovis as he was of her and she ended up resigning from the project with a very obvious "go fuck yourself" letter to Clovis. They absolutely despised each other. This makes it also super strange that Maya would dismiss scientific morality; that's what Clovis would do and she would never be like Clovis under normal circumstances.

When Chioma says "Something BrayTech had kept secret. Something Maya..." I believe she meant to add "Something Maya shouldn't have known about" perhaps.

So how did Maya know about Clarity? Pretty much the only connection here is the Vex-Maya, mostly because the situation presented here is heavily linked to the Vex and radiolaria. Maya Sundaresh somehow connected with the Veil when she first saw it; it showed her its own name by saying it to her in her own voice and since then, Chioma recounts, Maya has been acting strangely. This same Veil heavily negatively impacted the Exos who are made with radiolaria and Clarity and Maya insisted that the Veil and Clarity are connected too.

And Strand must be connected as well. Chioma says that a "paracausal force from the Veil" overloads the Exos and "unravels" them. We've already been told that the Neomuna founders knew that the Veil emits a paracausal force. It obviously didn't manifest for them in the same way, but they knew something was there and this is what erased the Exos. It erased their consciousness, reverting them back to the state when the radiolaria wasn't purified with Clarity.

And Maya believed that she can reverse engineer this effect. That she can use it to "fabricate consciousness."

The strangest part is Osiris' line of thinking at the end. He specifically asks Nimbus how Cloud Striders are made; which technology does it uses exactly. And after Nimbus is concerned about this line of questioning, Osiris definitely implies that he thinks that some of Maya's experiments with the Veil led to the Cloud Striders.

Intriguing, because the Cloud Striders are made by fusing highly advanced nanotechnology (which itself stems from SIVA brought on Exodus Indigo) with a human through a mysterious machine called the Sidereal. Extra intriguing to me because a while ago when I was analysing the lore we gained from the Winterbite quest, I made a very long post talking about past Cloud Striders and the Sidereal and I suggested that the Sidereal and the Cloud Striders are inherently linked to the Veil, Strand and possibly the Vex (via the Occlusion, a "loadbearing" Vex that has been living in the CloudArk since its inception). In my write-up on this, I wasn't sure about a lot of this stuff because that was just the beginning, but some of it did point me in the direction of the Cloud Striders being possibly very closely linked to the Veil. This is now very obviously directly implied. Wild.

If the Veil and its paracausal byproduct (Strand) were used to make the Cloud Striders, then we can now possibly construct a scenario where Maya's experiments with fabricating consciousness led to the advancing of the nanotechnology which is used to make the Cloud Striders. In the same way Clarity affected radiolaria, the Veil might be affecting the nanites, fabricating consciousness; giving the nanites incredibly advanced abilities, far surpassing what SIVA could do originally. This, alongside the creation of the Sidereal, led to Cloud Striders. And, curiously, possibly also to poukas.

I'm still unclear how do the Vex tie into this whole thing exactly, but they're a constant background noise when it comes to the Veil and Neomuna, as well as questions about consciousness and memory of the universe, which I also speculated about in this other long post.

My view of the situation right now is that Maya formed some sort of a strong and unique connection to the Veil, possibly tied to her previous experiments with mind-forking and consciousness displacement with the Device, as well as her research into the Vex and Vex simulations. When she came in proximity to it, she saw her own self talking back at her. We know at this point that the Veil has strange effects on consciousness and memory, as well as being able to give people glimpses into various points in time; upon connecting to the Veil, Maya was perhaps exposed to her other selves, her other consciousnesses, the simulated ones, letting her access knowledge she shouldn't have like the name of the Veil and the existence of Clarity Control.

All of Neomuna is built on the Veil somehow, and now it's heavily implied the Cloud Striders are instrinsically linked to it as well. Whatever happened after, we can definitely say that Maya continued with her experiments despite Chioma's best attempts to stop it. Eagerly waiting for more lore about Cloud Striders and the Veil, and at some point we'll most certainly also get some logs that will delve into the CloudArk. Even more exciting lore will be coming our way for weeks.

[parackalism]

wanting 2 make a fic of my self ship but knowing full well people will NOT eat it up 💔💔💔

[kettykika78]

This fandom is saving me in so many ways... I love you all.

[the-insouciant-scientist]

pros of having a tailor character: ough the potential for so many interesting and fancy outfits cons of having a tailor character: h. how do i. how do i figure out a "basic" outfit here