#sorry but that is just not happening i feel so strongly about sonic never wanting to get married or have kids

[sonknuxadow]

sorry i dont really like the shadow is silvers dad theory/headcanon/whatever and part of the reason for it is that people keep presenting it as an actual thing that could be possible even though it makes no sense and all "evidence" people use to back it up is easily disputed

[coco96]

LDAF - PP Romantic

Dangers Of The Job (Peter Parker X Male!Reader) Warnings: Arguing Fighting, mugging, injury, swearing Request: Could you do a male reader x peter Parker where they get into a heated argument about peter’s hero activities? They don’t talk for days until mreader gets mugged/hurt and peter saves the day and they fluff it out?

Break In (Peter Parker X Stark!Daughter!Reader) Warnings: Gun, shooting, severe injury Request: ... she has her own iron man suit and gets severely injured while she and peter are on a mission and peter blames himself for not being able to stop it. Lots of angst

New Braces (Peter Parker X Reader) Warnings: Self-conscious reader Requests: ... reader and peter are dating and reader just got braces but is insecure and Peter just thinks they look cute

Arranged Plans Cancelled (Peter Parker X Fem!Stark!Reader) Warnings: Bad friends Request: Stark!Reader is often hurt by others, like people will arrange plans + blow her off/friends will make plans in front of her + not invite her. people will get her to do their homework for them bc they know she can’t say no. Peter Parker thinks its really unfair but she handles it really well + doesn’t make a fuss. one day Steve/Tony/someone accidentally upsets her (maybe they cancel plans she’s been really looking forward to or something) and Peter just loses it. she’s really shocked that he noticed and he’s standing up for her. She goes to Midtown too …

Pick Locking (Peter Parker X Reader) Warnings: Minor injuries Request: … “ I teached you how to pick a lock and this is how you’re using that skill” For peter parker?

Meet My Girlfriend! (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Request: ... reader where they’re really close friends and do things that every one else assumes they’re a couple ... she goes w/ him to one of tonys parties ... + he introduces her as his gf without thinking + she’s really confused + he remembers he never actually asked her out?

Unwanted Messages (Peter Parker X Male!Reader) Warnings: Unwanted flirty messages, mention of homophobia Request: … Where the reader always leaves his things around and one day peter sees his phone and sees that she’s been getting messages from females saying flirtatious things and assumes that the reader is cheating on him. But there’s a happy ending

Feeling Insecure (Peter Parker X Male!Reader) Warnings: Swearing, self consciousness Request: … peter parker x bi!male reader that M!R is popular in school and has girls/boys throwing themselves at him and peter feels insecure that M!R will leave him for someone else but with a fluffy(happy) ending

Stolen Sweaters (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Request: ... Just he knows her from school. And something with her just walking around wearing his jumpers and they’re really big on her and he just thinks she’s really cute and just some wholesome love fluff? ...

Bringing the Boyfriend Home (Peter Parker X Male!Reader) Warnings: Mention of tattoos, piercing and mild violence/threat Request: … peter wants to introduce male reader to the avengers but the male reader has like tattoos, piercings etc. And the avengers are skeptical of him but he ends up being/acting like a gentleman that he even makes an impression on the black window

New Kind of Helicopter Parenting (Peter Parker X Stark!Reader) Warnings: Being Spied on Request: Peter Parker × Stark! Reader FLOOFY??💜💜💜They’re in the tower and like watching movies and cuddling and the Avengers are spying at them (and Tony is like so excited cause his ship has sailed!!)

Overwhelmed (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Warnings: mention of neglect, divorce, dysfunctional family Request: … she’s in the year below him and is under a lot of stress because she has to help look after siblings and her siblings’ pets and keep up with school interventions and end of topic tests and big exams coming up. And Peter starts to notice that she’s not acting like herself and then she starts to cancel dates cos she doesn’t have time and he understands but wants to make sure she’s okay and she just breaks down so they cuddle and he says he’ll help

Only You (Peter Parker X Male!Reader) Warnings: Insecurity/ mild jealousy Request: ... reader and his best friend are like super friendly twords each other that other people think they are girlfriend/boyfriend and peter feels as if the male reader will leave him for her(best friend) but male reader reassures peter he’s the only one for him

Movie Scenes (Peter Parker X Male!Reader) Warnings: Mention of explicit scene and sexual mention. Request: ... reader has to do an explicit erotic ... scene for a film and peter get jealous that he doesn’t speak to the MR. Then MR tries to figure out why peter is mad and then they just talk it out with peter in MRs arms. …

Dresses (Peter Parker X Male!Reader) Warnings: Mentions of Homophobia, arguing and yelling Request: … male reader and Peter are watching a show that includes drag queens and reader is like “is that ok? Can you dress like that and not get beat up?” And  peters response is “ you can, you might still get beat up but I’ll protect you!” … Bucky and Steve walk in on them … and one of them gets mad at reader for dressing like a girl and reader runs off crying … And eventually even though still uneasy whoever said it was wrong accepts it. …

Metallic Limbs (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Mention of injury and loss of limbs, mention of surgery Request: … Reader is a quadruple amputee after the Chitauri attack in Manhattan. Tony, As the one who found her in the rubble, feels inclined to watch over her and help her in any way he can. So he has her fitted with state of the art cybernetic limbs. Years later, reader is coming to the avengers HQ to get a tune up and she meets the friendly neighbourhood sideman without the mask. Tony is unsure if he’s okay with them being so chummy together.

Hacker (Peter X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Mention of cheating. Request: Can you do one where the reader is dating Peter and she’s a hacker who sells information to support herself (her parents are gone) and she knows Peter is Spider-Man and he somehow finds out who she is?

Tickle Fight! (Peter X Fem!Reader) Request: … she’s a hacker and they’re at Stark towers working together(maybe she’s tony’s daughter?) He’s working on his web shooters and y/n is bored so she keeps giving him sneaky little tickles to distract him then pretends she’s innocent and after a while he starts a tickle fight being 100% done with her shit? Bonus if the avengers walk in and ship it? Thx luvly sorry it’s so long😚

Gliding (Peter X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Heights Request: ... she brings Peter to the Avengers tower balcony on a beautiful night to show her wings manifesting ... and then they she soon strongly carries him in his arms for a ride and when they get back to the balcony they have their first kiss?

Prom Night (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Request: The reader can control things like gravity, stars, cosmic energies( energies found in space) and other spacey things and can create blackholes and stars and things like that, and she asks peter out to prom by making him a constellation with her powers. She can manipulate bodies in space but also has powers on earth that she uses for crime fighting super sonic flight, super strength photokinesis astrokinesis.

Dad Duties (Clint Barton X Daughter!Reader, Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Request: Reader is Clint’s daughter who is a mutant and is dating Peter Parker?

Visiting (Peter X Fem!Reader) Request: … it’s peterparker x fem!reader but she’s an australian hero only working with the avengers part time or something. Thanks

Gymnastic Lessons (Peter Parker X Reader) Warnings: Mention of heights Request: Could you do one where Peter is dating the reader and he thinks the fact he can swing around on his webs is pretty cool and then he finds out they’re an aerialist who’s like, really good? Sorry if that’s a little weird

Spider’s Boyfriend (Peter Parker X Male!Reader) Request: Maybe you could make a peter parker x jock male reader where peter introduces reader to the avengers and the avengers like really like him that there like complaining that he has to leave and go home at the end

A Little Help (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) WARNINGS: PANIC ATTACKS AND ANXIETY Request: … Reader is a clasdmate of Oeter but they never really talked because shes hella introverted? And hes outside as Spiderman when he sees her having a panic attack and comes to her and comforts her. And she recognizes his voice and thats the start of their friendship.

Really? (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Neglect of family Request: ... reader where her parents are always busy + away from home + she’s sorta starved for affection so to speak. theyre at peters house doing some science project for school. She figures something out. And then peter just casually praises her. he sees how surprised she is + is sad when he realises whats happening with hee parents + starts to go out of his way to find reasons to give her just little bits of affection and praise so she knows she is appreciated?

Darkness (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Fear of the dark Request: … peter parker x stark!reader where she watches horror films in the dark alone a lot. peter stays overnight + realises she sleeps w/ the lights on. When he (persistently) asks why she admits that shes afraid of the dark but everyone expects her to be brave just like her father is so she pretends but really shes just a scared little girl. W/ fluff and cuddles with peter parker

Mirror Image (MJ X Twin!Reader) Request: … Peter sees MJ’s twin (Y/N) and mistakes her identify and leaves embrasssed after declaring she looks prettier today…After feeling embrasssed he walks into the real MJ and MJ bring the snarky person we love, explains why Peter was distracted and later on Peter realizes she has a twin …

Bloody Bed (Peter Parker X Reader) Warnings: Bullying, Injury, blood, wounds, stitches Request: ... reader gets bully at school, so one day reader is crying on the roof. Spiderman sees it and talks to reader who is crying. Then after that the spiderman visis reader almost every day but one day while visiting spiderman is badly injued and the reader takes care of spidey and by accident the reader name is called by peter while thanking him.

Support (Peter Parker X Male!Reader) Warnings: Extremely religious family Request: ... Peter is in love with a boy who is religious and very correct, does not say bad words, does not commit bad deeds, does not drink alcohol or anything of those things and is also in love with Peter but has trouble accepting it because he has always been told he has that is with women the boy is also a super hero and works with the avengers ...

Karen (Peter Parker X Stark!Reader) Request: … Peter is in love with the daughter of Iron Man and the daughter of Iron Man of Peter but she is super shy and antisocial so she does not know how to get close to Peter, she knows that he is spiderman and without his father knowing she hacks the suit Peter and pretends to be Karen :)

Awkward Peter (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Request: ... she is Tony’s daughter and Peter is really awkward around her because obviously, you know, Tony Stark is her dad and he wants to impress him? And just a bunch of awkward Peter and sassy reader?

Signs (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Insensitive comment Request: ... mute!reader where he learned to sign to her; they’re really close& stuff & he helps her w/ work, translating her questions to teachers, etc. A few days after she & Peter start dating, she meets Tony who makes a joke about being used to fans being stunned into silence. Peter just gets really angry & defensive & starts ranting, stepping in front of the reader protectively; she just reaches out & signs that it’s okay. When tony realises he obviously apologises.

Parker! (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Bit of bullying, angry over protective dad. Request: Tony Stark’s daughter is popular and in a band and at a concert, Peter is getting picked on for being alone so Reader goes and kisses him and hugs him, surprising everyone with their secret relationship, much to Tony’s disapproval.

Shared Pain (Peter Parker x Reader) Warnings: Pain, mild violence, swearing, mild spoilers Request: Peter Parker x reader soulmate au reader doesn’t want a soulmate and has kind of hated peter but then it ends up all good

Blind Meeting (Avengers X Blind!Reader) Request: What about a platonic peter parker x reader where the reader is really nervous to meet the avengers because shes blind but peter assures her that itll be fine and the avengers end up loving her

Things We Used To Share (Peter Parker X Reader) Warnings: Sad boi Request: Petet parker x reader based on the song “things we used to share” by thomas sanders??

Kiss Of Life (Peter X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Mention of death, drowning, blood, injury, plane crash Request: … reader is recruited to be an Avenger and she has oceanic powers and when they were all on a tense dangerous mission, Peter was hurt badly and fell over deep into the ocean so the reader jumps in and grabs him, pulls him onto the shore, kissing him (which is a power she has that heals people) to take his pain away?

New Life (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Teasing Request: ... reader is Clints teenage daughter from a previous relationship before Laura. She’s kind of loner and a punk chick but keeps to herself. Laura sends her with her father to try to open her up and make some friends in the city. She ends up falling for peter cause she loves geeky guys.

Not My Best Friend (Peter X Overweight!Fem!Reader) Warnings: Bullying, teasing, body issues, mild swearing Request: … They go together to highschool, have some classes together, and reader takes ballett lessons after school, with some of the girls from her grade - and she’s getting bullied by them (=issues), even by Peter’s new, popular ass girlfriend (not Gwen, bless her). And Peter finds out. And saves the day. …

Missing My Voice (Tony X Fem!Reader, Peter x Fem!Reader)     |    Part 2 Warnings: Blood, surgery, needles, injury Request: … reader loves to sing and play the guitar and a ton of other instruments but goes mute during a mission (due to an injury), and how it impacts Peter and Tony? And can Tony like, go to a ton of doctors and stuff to try and find a solution? Whether he does or doesn’t is up to you. Thanks in advance!

Copy Cat (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Request: … reader shapeshifts into different people/ animals an  uses it to survive, so one day peter parker sees himself stealing something and it ends up in a fight until he realizes she’s a girl? you can pick the ending

Fight Me (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader, Tony Stark X Daughter!Reader) Warnings: Threatening (not serious) Request: Hey can I get a Tony x daughter reader where she’s always says fight me like someone says “I Was sitting there” and she says fight me ect. Anyway lots of fluff a little Peter x reader too- Og I forgot Tony x daughter reader fight me she like pure™ thanks😘

Name Of Love Pt 1 (Peter Parker X Reader) *Collab*

Here every step of the way (Peter Parker X Reader) SERIOUS WARNING: EATING DISORDER Request: Would you, by any chance, be able to do an imagine based off of the Peter Parker x bulimic reader that I requested a while ago? If not that’s fine. X

Hacking Fun (Peter X Fem!Reader) Request: ... peter Parker is dating a girl who’s extremely shy and she knows he’s Spider-Man? He brings her to the tower to do homework and tony teases them through the intercom system. But the reader is super smart and hacks his system and shuts him off and tony is impressed so he invites her over more often. He gets her to hack everyone for laughs and pranks.

Real Life Avatar (Peter Parker X Reader) Request: ... reader can control the elements and peter is like “wow you are the freaking Avatar” or something like that? ...

Be Careful (Tony X Daughter!Reader, Peter X Fem!Reader)     |     Part 2 Warnings: Blood, getting shot Request: … reader is Tony’s teenage daughter who’s dating Peter and she’s just the type of person everyone loves but she’s also a really good hacker and fighter so she does missions sometimes and she ends up getting shot? …

Better Choice (Tony Stark X Cousin!Reader, Peter Parker X Reader) Warnings: One swears and mentions of bed relationships and breakups Request: The reader is Tonys younger cousin (teenager) and she starts falling for Peter and tony just pets it happen because he’s better than any boyfriend the reader has had before

Retainers (Peter Parker X Teen!Reader) Request: ... there are both Avengers in training living in the Avengers tower, and they are both in braces stage where they wear their retainers at night. Then they get called out for a mission in the middle of the night, and forget to take them off, and the rest of the team sort of jokes around with them? Thank you!!

Prankster (Peter Parker X Reader) Warnings: Pushing someone off a roof? Request: Helloooo! Could i request a peter parker x reader where the reader is the son/daughter of wade wilson and can turn invisible. So they like peter and love playing pranks on him and one time they go invisible and kiss him!

“Mr Rogers?”(Steve X Son!Reader, Peter X Male!Reader) Warnings: Over protective father? Request: … reader is Steve Rogers’ son (14-15) and he’s a really protective dad, but the reader is dating Peter Parker and Steve goes dad-mode on them? …

One Drink (Adult!Peter Parker X Male!Reader) Warnings: Jealousy, swearing Request: ... they go to a bar and the reader runs into there old friend and from toms point of view it look like the old friend is really touchy and the reader is okay with it so Tom drags the reader him without saying a word they have a little argument in the house and then the reader clears it up ...

Telling Him (Peter Parker X Male!Reader) Warnings: Mentions of coming out and past murder Request: … reader is Tony’s son (probably an adoption situation?) and is closeted gay… maybe after Peter is already a part of the avengers, and not during Civil War? …

You’ve What!? (Peter X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Sexual themes, drinking, threatening Request: ... reader is the babygirl of the avengers, and has been datind Peter Parker for a long time, but they dont bother them ... but one day they a little drunk and playing “ Never have I ever” and someone ask: “had sex” and Peter and reader drink, and everybody freaks out ...

Who Is It? (Tony X Daughter!Reader)     |     Part 2 Request: … Tonys daughter is sitting in the living room being like ‘hey I hacked into your system ‘cause I’m your super smart daughter and have no where else to go’ and Tony starts to get really protectiv over her. And then finds out that she is falling in love with Peter, but Tony is basically the last one to find out? …

Peter Parker dating reader with bulimia would include . . .

Dating Peter Parker and having powers would include…

Dating Peter Parker and being on Team Cap would include …

Noticing (Peter X Fem!Reader) Request: ... reader is the youngest avenger and a witch and always helps T'Challa, Peter and Scott become closer to the team? Idk maybe she gossips with them or requests to go on a mission to make them feel included ...

[mooosicaldreamz]

We obviously need your song by song analysis of evermore please!

i got asked to do this about four times so here it is.....much anticipated. i know. please note that when i say that i hate her or despise her i don’t actually mean that. but i do

EVERMORE

OK LETS GO

WILLOW - ok, groovy first time you hear it, right? has a strong rumbly wiggle. let’s VIBE. the low of the verse, the high of the chorus…oh my goodness! what is she doing. she’s just out there! wow. “wherever you stray i follow” is a banger. “life was a willow and it bent right to your wind” with the overlay oof let’s go.!!!! a shockingly strong first entry of the record…best one since “welcome to new york” maybe!!! let’s just say it!!! for some reason “i come back stronger than a 90s trend” throws me off though…i don’t know. it’s just so moody pop, no one is doing it like her!!! i hate her

CHAMPAGNE PROBLEMS - every time i listen to this song i listen to it four times. not a joke. it’s perfect. i don’t think i need to convince anyone! it’s perfect!!!!! what are you doing? taylor swift, the most dramatic bitch, has been writing dramatic bitch songs since she was fourteen and yet, somehow, she contrives to write even more dramatic things as she ages. this song is a JOKE. there are not ENOUGH songs about denying proposals! it’s just simple and sad. oh my god. it’s insane. the fact that she wrote this with her boyfriend (i have a running theory that they are married, we are going to refer to joe as her Perfect and Glorious Husband from now on) …… come on. the ENTIRE BREAKDOWN. “YOUR MIDAS TOUCH ON THE CHEVY DOOR / NOVEMBER FLUSH YOUR FLANNEL CURE / THIS DORM WAS ONCE A MADHOUSE / I MADE A JOKE WELL ITS MADE FOR ME / HOW EVERGREEN OUR GROUP OF FRIENDS / DON’T THINK WE’LL SAY THAT WORD AGAIN / AND SOON THEY’LL HAVE THE NERVE TO DECK THE HALLS THAT WE ONCE WALKED THROUGH” ……. concluding with that absolute stabby killer “what a shame she’s fucked in the head” oh my god……….. and the song resolving in a very adult “you’ll find someone else” god

GOLD RUSH - ok so like this song is like ok it’s got the same groovy high /low that’s happening on willow but it’s so different! it’s so good! the pulse of the beat propelling the whole thing through and then the falling apart “oh what must it be like to grow up that beautiful”……………..ok. the visceral image of “my eagles t-shirt hanging from the door” …………. i admire very much taylor’s oncoming gift of moving through high/low imagery…… i love her so much? it’s so HARD. “my mind turns your life into folklore” beautiful! BEAUTIFUL! also i have some belief in me that this is about karlie kloss but i shall not dive into that hole.

TIS THE DAMN SEASON - oh so i’m supposed to LIVE with this song EXISTING. WHY!!!! HOW……..oh my god………..taylor was like, yes, i’m going to write a song about a famous girl going home and banging her high school flame for a week and jack and aaron were like oh ok. “i parked my car between the methodist and the school that used to be ours.” she is such a joke. “you could call me babe for the weekend” like ok emo!! emo!!! OK. I LOVE THIS SONG

TOLERATE IT - taylor really gave us the most depressing track 5, but it’s absolutely a banger and i love her! she is just vibing! oh my god. what a specific emotion to pinpoint with this song….it’s such a gift. no one is hitting this space

NO BODY NO CRIME - this song has no business being on this record but in the BEST WAY, like how daddy lessons mysteriously appears in the middle of lemonade. oh my goodness. this is just pure country revenge song. taylor was like oh actually i haven’t forgotten my roots and i hate men more than i ever have. and she got haim to sing with her. and it’s so good. the low “i think he did it” oh my goodness. this song is a joke. how is it real? it’s just a perfect radio song. it reminds me very much of “before he cheats” but it’s a lot more sonically calm

HAPPINESS - similar to “tolerate it” and i think “champagne problems” this song is beating on an emotional bush that is really really hard to hit the head of. like, so she collabed with the national and bon iver on this record and previous obvi, and i LOVE them, but their music can often be very………impressionistic? perhaps? is how i might put it. it’s sometimes hard to get a note of specificity from it. imo. but taylor loves a fucking story bro. and she has figured out how to tell made up stories. she can’t be stopped now. like…this space of a breakup and knowing that it’s for the best and being sad in this way? name a pop star who has a song this nuanced. for real! god. i despise her. “across a great divide / there is a glorious sunrise”

DOROTHEA - the other half to the far superior TIS THE DAMN SEASON and a banger all the same. it has the bouncy joy of the most buoyant national songs. in the same vein as the also far superior BETTY, she has her sweet dumb boy slurry and less intelligent voice. i love that she paints these narrators this way, it’s just nothing she would have ever reached for ever before this period. she has a Perfect and Glorious Husband now and she has begun to understand teenage boys, FINALLY.

CONEY ISLAND - i have upon many occasions opined that i love the national VERY MUCH. i once went to a festival with my gf and her sister to see them even though i was expressly not invited and you know what despite the fact that it caused a lot of angst, i got to see the national play TERRIBLE LOVE in the middle of the night and I SCREAMED IT. so like, listen. what is matt berninger doing here, to me, specifically????????? i was somewhat hesitant about how their voices might blend, but it works astonishingly well. and i think that it’s so wonderful, i can’t. the imagery of a dreary coney island…..”sorry for not winning you an arcade ring.” as taylor always proves, the bridge is spectacular. “were you standing in the hallway / with a big cake / happy birthday”……”and when i got into the accident / the sight that flashed before me was your face / but when i walked up to the podium / i think that i forgot to say your name” sorry to yOU calvin. she had ISSUES. and now she has a Perfect and Glorious Husband. also “sorry for not making you my centerfold” ok kaylor

IVY - this song is about emily dickinson and i DARE you to tell me that i’m wrong. I DARE YOU. I DARE YOU. you’d be wrong! embarrassing for you. taylor finally writing a probably legitimate queer song and it’s about fucking emily dickinson is so on brand…..it’s dripping with poetry and groove and she’s so fucking dumb i hate her so much. her narrative of ivy and poetry and the lakes district…….ok taylor. i know. i know you watched all the dickinson things that came out and you identified with her. the gentle sway of the “oh, goddamn” and the “oh, i can’t”……i CAN’T EITHER TAYLOR !!! i CAN”T TAYLOR!!!! “oh goddamn / my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand / taking mine but it’s been promised to another / oh i can’t / stop you putting roots in my dreamland” TAYLOR. and then she says, “oh you didn’t realize this wasn’t gay?” “i want to know the fatal flaw that makes you long to be magnificently cursed” like @ emily yourself taylor “he wants what’s only yours”……TAYLOR. give me the entire catalogue of emily dickinson songs!!!!! i can’t do this. “springs breaks loose / but so does fear” “i’d live and die for moments that we stole / on begged and borrowed time / so tell me to run / or dare to sit and watch what we’ll become / and drink my husband’s wine.” taylor if you see this post, a, i love you, b, i need you to tell me about ivy, and c, PLEASE can i have tickets to your next tour in the year 2025 or whenever because my gf never buys me any to your shows……….i love this song if it isn’t clear. i think i’d love it if it wasn’t gay

COWBOY LIKE ME - ok this will sound weird and if you’ve read this far i’m going to assume that you don’t care about me being weird…but this song reminds me of the fanfiction STAY THE NIGHT by lynnearlington (maybe u’ve heard of it). please reply if you think about this and feel the same. “never wanted love / just a fancy car” “you had some tricks up your sleeve / takes one to know one / you’re a cowboy like me” the opening line re: the tent-like thing reminds me very strongly of the fourth of july at our family’s country club and they set up a tent over the parking lot and this song just makes me think of that vibe????? i don’t know. i have vibes. i love this song a lot, which is impressive because it follows after the gay euphoria of IVY. perhaps this is because it gives me its own gay euphoria. “now you hang from my lips like the garden babylon” ???? is one of the most gay, seductive, brutal lyrics i have ever heard. she wrote that down and was like, oh yeah, vibez, hundo p. she did that to me

LONG STORY SHORT - this song is an honorary sequel to I FORGOT THAT YOU EXISTED from the lover era (honestly i’m still in the lover era). but i actually think this song is better! so we are taking that. “actually i’ve always thought that i looked better from the rearview” ok taylor let’s access that feeling! “no more keeping score / i just keep you warm” is like, stupidly sweet.  rip to calvin but now taylor has a Perfect and Glorious Husband.

MARJORIE - made me cry, simple and beautiful. one of the more personal songs on the tracklist! and something that i had never considered that she would write about, but i think the quarantine period has allowed a lot of us to dig into our feelings, so….vibez. we’re vibing!

CLOSURE - this song’s production sounds a lot like bon iver’s recent productions, very tech-y and repetitive and spare. rip to karlie kloss but taylor has a Perfect and Glorious Husband and karlie’s legal last name is kushner so who really won? hmm? i love “i’m fine with my spite / and my tears / and my beers / and my candles” the inclusion of candles is just. vibez. there are four candles lit rn in our apartment!

EVERMORE - i think this song is very intriguing and i’m still puzzling with it! the simplicity of her depressive gray November phase and then the very ebullient and bold bon iver interlude……..really has a manic/depressive, sad/angry vibe???? it feels so on brand for this pandemic quarantine…..and it works shockingly well, except for that i’d rather listen to the bon iver part for 10 minutes more. “all my waves are being tossed / is there a line that i can just go cross” and then taylor’s sort of call and response with his interlude……should just be the whole song.  but it’s still good. that’s how annoying she is

[ameliyaahn3]

Sorry for the formatting, I’m on mobile.

🖇 Hi, can I please request male matchups for One Punch Man and My Hero Academia? Thank you!

I’m a grey/demisexual, panromantic girl. I’m over 18, I’ m an ENFP though I feel like I’m 50/50 extroverted and introverted. I’m 5’5, full of snark and sass. I like to wear clothes ai can move in, though my usual wear is sneakers, jeans, a tank top and a jacket if it’s cold. I’m assertive and until people get to know me, I can come off as aggressive and angry/grumpy. I’m extremely opinionated and get outspoken about my beliefs. I’m very smart but I will need a while to process new information and see how that new information interacts and intersects with what I already know. I have a strong sense of right and wrong, and not afraid of conflict. Am ready to throw down at the drop of a hat and even though I’m on the smaller side I *will* kick someone’s ass. I have very few friends, but the ones I do have are especially close to me.

My major fear in life is that I won’t live up to my full potential. A word that I like, if it doesn’t have to be in English, is the Japanese word/name ‘mamoru’ which means to defend/to protect.

My favorite color is red, and I like silver and cool colors secondly. I love action and super hero movies, and I hate most romance movies/love triangles in shows. I love sci-fi too. I can be pretty insightful and observant despite what most people think, as I do come off as a loner or oblivious on occasion. I hate corruption, double standards and fake people. The most important quality I value in myself, and others is loyalty.

I’m an Aries sun with an Aquarius moon. I like savory foods and my favorite is steak. My favorite time of day is evening, and my love languages are physical touch and quality time. Fun facts are I’m very good at playing the Imposter in Among us, I’ve played piano, clarinet, and baritone and I’d like to learn a string instrument at some point. If there’s a I’ve been told by two separate people that my aura color is creamsicle/bright orange. My favorite bands are the emo-trinity, and one of my favorite songs is Trouble by Neon Jungle. My favorite anime of all time is Kill la Kill. Hope this enough info ❤️

A/n : Don't worry for formating i'm on mobile too ! AND I'M SORRY TO ANSWER YOUR ASK SO LATE LIKE YOU HAD TO WAIT A MONTH ?!

One punch man >>>

I match you with...

Speed o Sound Sonic

Less than five min to match you two lol.

Like I think you're pretty much his type in a matter of style or personality.

The first time you met it was chaos, like you two probably argued about something as you are very opiniated. But at least you didn't scared each other by being agressive like it would usually with more sensitive people.

Sonic is pretty impulsive when it comes to takes decision but that doesn't mean he's not smart, I think he's pretty decent in his reflexion when he's not attending to kill Saitame at all it cost... When comes new information he process to treat them faster, what makes him pretty resourceful and so your two methods complete each others and gives you a little bit of intellectual challenge when they're confronted.

Likes that you aren't a people pleaser that goes to befriend everyone and capable to kick his ass when he's being an idiot.

You're not even that small beside him, like the height difference is 9cm. Sonic feel tall but not enough to mess with you about it.

"Mamoru" is a word that he would like too and don't worry about live your life to your fullest with him cause he would never let that happen ! If you want something he would push you for it !

Actions movies are is favorite so far since he integrated a "normal" japanese society, doesn't like romance ones too but sci-fi doesn't takes that much his interest, I likely see him sleep during them.

The tsundere he is founded recomfort in your oblivious facade but once he knew about your hiden obsvervative nature it became his worst nightmare : When he would believe that he can let his guard down and that you won't see if he let somes evidence about if he's doing something subtly romantic or that he admit again slightly have feelings for you, you would caught him out off guard and point out with a lot of sass how he is such a tsundere.

Sonic is very loyal, but you will have to proove him first that you are to him.

He doesn't have an official birthday but I'm pretty sure his chart is strongly influenced by either Aries or Sagittarius. He got strong vibes in my opinion.

Your touch makes him flustered but I do think he's into physical touch as a love language and act of services even if he whines and act as a tsundere before doing something for you.

Sonic probably sucks at playing Among Us so he takes it even worse than he would notmally do that you're a good impo' and just rage whenever you are one.

Is in love with your aura brighter than his.

Also is secretely admirative of your musicals skills, likes when you play clarinet or piano except that he's not a fan or baritone.

Kill la Kill is definitely an anime that I could see him enjoy so you can rewatch with him without any problem.

Nothing is forced in your relationship so you two goes at the rythm that you want. No pressure.

A lot of laugh and fun, even if Sonic lives as a bandit, I can see two as partner in crime or you as the one that bring him kn the right path, your choice !

Try to doesn't involve you in his problem and makes some times for both of you.

Sonic never let you in his home as he changes often and literaly live in an abandonned area, a dirty place really that you don't deserve to live in and him neither but he don't care about himself.

So always it's at your place if you want to being at home with him.

He's researched so you two can't date often but you does watch the town together on the rooftop of higher buildings.

Others potential matchs :

Tatsumaki.

My hero Academia >>>

I match you with...

Dabi

Oh God. Here we have a pretty explosive combination.

Honestly, he won't like you and likes you at the same time the first time you will met.

He likes your style and doesn't mind the way you can come as agressive at first but does dislike how opiniated you can be, like it's a bit too much for him. It's a pros and your cons at the same time but the worst I think is if you impose your opinion to him, like girl... he would literaly eject you.

But as you're opiniated you're aren't afraid to speak for yourself and you're able to debate at least to defend your opinion. I definitely can't see him with someone that doesn't bother to think about the our society at least a little bit.

Dabi probably makes fun of how slow it can be for you taking decision and analyzing situatuon but does respect it as sometimes things can't always be resolved in the second and that usually your reflexions are pretty accurate and goes more further than his. He's not dumb but definitely a man of action.

I know you're against corruption im sorry but I likely see Dabi try to corrupt your beliefs of right and wrong in a playful way, he doesn't force you to anything but jokes about how you're idealistic and so innocent. This isn't the same type of corruption but yeah...

Besides that he's admirative of your strong sense of justice, unlike others heroes you're sincere about it.

And don't hesit to kick some ass, even his. You're not afraid to makes enemies or disagree and that does makes you an honest person in Dabi eyes.

Doesn't understand how you can be afraid to live your life to your fullest and would likely tell you to do what you want to do and don't care about others.

He's very protective of you so he doesn't like to meet you outside and like Sonic is loyal whenever you are. You need to gain his trust.

You're so much brighter than him it hurts, you're his dose of light in his darker world.

He would notice your secret obsvervative nature quicker than anybody else and wouldn't even be surprised if you notice a lot of things about him that he didn't know himself. Actually I even think that in your relationship you would think of him as the careless one when he is for real but a lot less with you.

I'm pretty sure that the fact that you're not someone into romance is something is glad about like... this isn't is thing at all and so it's isn't yours too you don't except him to be very romantic what he's totally not.

This man would understand his feelings toward you after a while like you two can wait more than 8 months like this if nothing confront him to realize his strong attachement to you.

So you know know how he is please let him breathe and do not takes initiative of physical affection in public if it's not a very slight one or that he's not in a playful mood.

Can always dream of a proper date.

Others potential matchs :

Himiko Toga, Kyoka Jirou.

[theflashdriver]

Light Reading

This is the second part of my Sonamy Week catch up! This fic was written for the diary prompt though, arguably, it could fit with movie night as well! It’s a little over 5.2k words long, I hope you will enjoy!

Sonic gets caught in a storm and, with few other options available, takes shelter in Amy's apartment. It's an awkward situation, one he's thoroughly unprepared for, but the discovery of a little blue book will turn the whole situation on its head. 

The rain was falling in sheets, lashing against the frosted glass of the bathroom window. Sonic was shivering, both at that sound and the frigid dampness locked deep in his fur. Try as he might, dragging a soft, pink, towel through his spines time and time again; dryness seemed just out of reach. A groan slipped his throat; hanging that towel back on the radiator-rack he reached for another only to find it warm but damp. Despite his pouting, he still opted to take it; brushing his spines in an attempt to use it for all it was worth. If only he had space to run, to simply shake the water from his fur. Alas, Amy's apartment was much too tiny and that storm wasn't going to let up any time soon.

He'd been out late running, what a surprise, when the rain started. There was a flash of lightning, a crack of thunder and before the dark skies opened and rain poured freely. For what felt like hours he'd been stuck dashing from bus stop to bus stop, lingering under bridges and hiding literally anywhere that would keep him safe from the torrential downpour. But his mind wouldn't let him linger in any of those places, as much as he hated the rain he needed something to do, so when he happened to arrive outside Amy's apartment building he wasn't in a position to refuse.

She'd been overjoyed to see him of course, insisting he come in to dry himself before he could even ask and proclaiming he could stay the night before that thought had even dawned on him. The moment he agreed, to the former at least, she'd dragged him inside without hesitation; surely soaking herself in the process, but smiling and openly scheming without a care in the world. Talk of a movie had come up, something distracting enough to kill time till either the storm died down or they managed to doze off. Sonic knew he had more than enough excuses to stay, he was a long way from Tail's workshop and the rain didn't look like it'd be letting up any time soon, but wasn't this all more than a little roman…

The blue blur caught himself, he brought the soaked towel up to his already dry muzzle in an attempt to relieve his blush. Sonic didn't like thinking; that was why he ran. If he went a mile a minute, he wasn't forced to consider these things. Whenever he was stranded, be it beneath a bridge or within a cramped bathroom, he knew his mind would start to question what he really wanted and where he truly wanted to be.

Was it really any wonder he'd ended up outside her house? He'd been thinking way too much, thinking about her in particular way too much. Yet, it was because of that thinking he doubted he could bring himself to leave; seeing the smile his arrival had caused…

Feeling thoroughly uncool, yet paradoxically wet, Sonic quickly returned the towel to the drying rack. There had to be a quicker way to get dry and, more importantly, he had to get out of this room. Much of his fur still matted, he managed to push his way out of the bathroom and down her apartment's short hallway.

"Amy, do you have a hairdryer or somethin'? I'm still soaked." He padded his way into her living/dining room, surely trekking water all the way.

The room was split by a black countertop; on one side a small kitchen area while the outside was a more general living space. He had no idea how long he'd been in there, but it'd been long enough for her to prepare quite the spread. A wide selection of movies had been laid out, ranging from the romantic comedies he'd expected to the musicals he'd somewhat anticipated to a surprising array of horror and action movies. Her couch wasn't just for sitting anymore, a pink duvet and additional pillows had been added to it. Assumedly they were for both the movie and him to sleep with afterwards. It was embarrassing but, in truth, he'd expected that the two of them would end up bundled together beneath a blanket of some sort. Well, they wouldn't if he couldn't get dry. A glance toward the kitchen showed him that there was a large bag of microwaveable popcorn lounging in an open microwave, prepared for popping.

Still, despite all the signs that she was around; Amy was nowhere to be seen. A glance to her front door proved the chain-latch was still on, she was in the apartment but not this room? Stranger still, she was in the apartment but hadn't heard him? Her pad was small, consisting of only the room he stood in, the bathroom and two more rooms he'd never actually entered. One had to be her bedroom, despite the blankets and pillows he knew she didn't sleep on the couch, while the last was maybe… storage?

Sonic turned around, dark navy carpet still underfoot, and made his way back up the hallway. One mystery door was opposite the bathroom, the other the very end of the hallway. Unsure what to do, he called out again. "Amy, you're still here, right?"

Again, there was no answer. He arrived at the first door and gave it a knock, trying not to be too light but (at the same time) not too heavy-handed.

Finally, he heard something; the dull thud of falling books coupled with a squeal. "Oh, Sonic!" Stomps followed the outcry, her bedroom door was quickly thrown open and a garish (very pink) room was exposed. The walls were a subdued shade of magenta, even in its stripped state the pink bedposts characterised the bed, he couldn't help noticing coloured her closet doors were painted a sunset hue and even her room's light bulb was tinted. The only exceptions to this pink rule were the blue picture frames that hung above her bed. Books were splayed across the floor, having fallen from the shelf above her desk. He was struggling to make out their names but, more importantly; Sonic was trying to do anything but stare at Amy.

When he arrived she'd been in her usual garb, but somehow (between pushing him into the bathroom and preparing the living room spread) she'd found the time to change into a set of pyjamas. The first thing he noticed was her quills, rather than being pushed back by a hairband she'd pulled them into a small, messy, braid. He didn't know such a thing was even possible, but soon his eyes drifted lower. Amy was wearing a white t-shirt with tiny pink roses embroidered into what looked to be a soft cotton material. This would have been fine, perfectly fine, were it not for the shirt's cut. It looked baggy and comfortable but at the same time, somehow, small? It was as though the shirt was hanging on her shoulders rather than simply covering them; as if it would pass beyond her midriff if she stretched too far. Sonic heaved his eyes away before he could fully take in her pink pyjama bottoms, trying to stare literally anywhere else.

The blue blur's heart was pounding and the butterflies in his chest were flapping in time. He'd felt this many times before, but never so strongly and certainly never without some kind of contact. He tried to swallow his blush as best he could.

She was trying her best to smile, trying to look natural, but even in his current state he knew something was wrong. "Sonic, nice of you to drop by. Do you want the full tour?" She'd clearly caught his scanning, matching it with her own wit despite her clear puzzlement.

"Long time no see." He choked out, still trying to focus on her open room rather than her garb. "I-I was just looking for a hairdryer? The towels weren't quite enough."

"Oh, right, that makes sense. Just…" Her mind seemed to be elsewhere but she quickly caught herself. "Give me a second." Amy quickly returned to her room, glancing at the book pile as she sidestepped it, before turning and opening the bottom drawer of her bedside cabinet. He attempted to pin his gaze to the book pile as best he could, hearing a brief shuffling of plastic before catching her eye again upon her return. "Sorry for leaving you out there."

"I'm just surprised you weren't waitin' for me." Did that sound possessive? He was trying to show some kind of confidence. "Is everything alright?

"Oh, everything's fine. I'm just looking for something. It's not really important," She insisted, eyes already darting from him to scan the room. "Just a little part of my evening rituals, the final thing I do to sign the day off."

Sonic wanted to pry, he truly did, but the heat on his face was simply too much. If he couldn't stand next to her for five minutes, help her search for whatever this was, how was he going to manage one movie let alone the whole night? Did she have to dress like that? More importantly, why did he have to care that she was dressed like that?

"Y-Yeah, no sweat. Take all the time you need!" He wanted to ask what she was looking for, try to be of some help, but the best he could manage was. "Thanks for the drier."

"No problem, there's popcorn in the microwave if you want to start it?" Amy recommended, "I set out some movies on the coffee table too, you can go ahead and pick. I'm happy watching whatever, as long as it's with you." Usually he could handle flirts like that, but with her being dressed like that Sonic found himself blushing brighter.

A particularly loud thunder-crack punctuated the momentary silence between them. The rumble gave him a moment to consider his next move but it was much too brief for him to come up with anything of worth. He couldn't muster the gall to hold eye contact, let alone offer his assistance.

Well, if he couldn't do that, he could at least be encouraging. He shot her a thumbs up and a small grin. "Like I said, take all the time you need, Ames. The storm ain't goin' anywhere so neither am I."

"Still, I'll try to be quick. I've got you here all to myself, you think I wanna miss a moment?" She promised and joked, still managing a more genuine smile. "I'll be through as soon as possible."

Their vow made, the pair went their separate ways. Sonic was just happy he could look directly ahead of himself again without blushing. He felt uncool, very uncool, but at least his heartbeat was gradually slowing. Was her dress choice intentional? He assumed not but that didn't reduce its embarrassing effect. Perhaps when they started watching films it would be better, she'd surely try to snuggle up against him at some point but at least his attention would be drawn elsewhere.

Well, hopefully, it would be…

Finding his way back into the kitchen, Sonic quickly scanned the popcorn bag; four minutes at full power, easy enough to prepare. He turned the dial and slammed the door; soon a combination of humming and popping filled the room. Food like this made up more of his diet than it probably should have, not that he really cared; he could run on just about anything. Come to think of it, Amy had reprimanded his diet a number of times; dragging him off to restaurants for what she'd insist were gourmet chilli dogs.

The moment she re-entered his mind the image of that outfit did too, as did the fact he'd so thoroughly failed to offer his assistance. This whole situation was just so embarrassing, so uncool. He usually let his heart decided where he'd wander, it was to be expected that it would lead him to her every so often. But did it have to do that today? Tonight especially? He'd been unable to refuse himself so, as much as he wanted to, he couldn't place the blame solely on his hatred of water.

Turning his attention back to the microwave, Sonic found only ten seconds had passed. Evidently, the world was moving much slower than his chaotic mind. Four minutes, just four whole minutes to microwave… four minutes. He needed to distract himself and stop thinking about Amy for four whole minutes…

Oh, right; he'd gone to her for a hairdryer. Sonic quickly found an outlet, the extension cable connected to her TV had an empty socket, and set about drying himself. The wheeze of the device was added to the crackle of thunder and roar of the microwave. Naturally, his quills were still the wettest part of his body but his spines and tail still felt rather waterlogged too. It would take time for him to dry and, with time, his thoughts would surely return to her. He wanted to be cool by the time she came back, that was his top priority. If he could find something to focus on, something to invest himself in, he might stand a chance.

Searching desperately for another distraction, Sonic found himself taking a closer look at the various movies she'd laid out. She'd asked him to choose and, even if he did plan to let her have the final say, it was worth knowing what he was getting into. None of the names were familiar, but then he didn't often have the patience to sit through most films; they had to hold his interest constantly, any lull and he risked dozing off. Running his hand through his quills, parting them to dry nearer their base, he noticed an outlier in the pile. Among the boxes, placed just slightly askew, was a blue book; small, like a storybook, and a size thicker than the disk boxes.

There was no blurb on the back, no way to determine what kind of book it was without flipping it to see the cover. Freeing his hand from his quills he reached out and picked up the book, wiping his hand on a drier section of his fur beforehand, but turning it over didn't cure his curiosity. The cover of the book was entirely bare, marked neither by words nor pictures; there wasn't even a title on the spine. Now this was a distraction, he was interested already! He flicked the book open, rather than starting at the beginning opting to let the chose where he would start reading.

This immediately proved to be a mistake.

His eyes were drawn to the upper left corner, rather than an opening line they fell upon a date; June 12th, as he looked to the rest of the page Sonic realised what he was holding. It was handwritten, this book was handwritten; it wasn't even really a book. This was a diary and by its position in this house, not to mention its lightly cursive font and the hearts that dotted every i, he knew it to be Amy's. This must have been what she was looking for, for a moment he was tempted to return it… but then he realised, if she caught him with it, the pink hedgehog might destroy him. She'd assume he'd taken it, that he'd read it too, wouldn't she?

A cacophonous rumble jump-started his panic, on a reflex he threw the book across the room. Before it could even land the world was cast in darkness, the breath of the hairdryer died and the hum of the microwave came to an abrupt halt. In what couldn't have been more than four seconds everything that could have gone wrong had, he didn't think such awful luck was even possible.

A cry sounded from Amy's room, more a groan of annoyance than a panicked scream; he heard stomp into the hallway. "Sonic! I think the power's out!"

"I-I've noticed!" He managed to call back. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine just… feeling my way to the utility room, I know I've got a torch or two in there. I'll be through in a second!" She answered. That meant he had time, Sonic blindly rushed forward… and immediately banged his knee on the coffee table. "It sounds like the storm is getting even worse!"

Sonic grabbed his knee, biting back a yelp. "Y-Yeah! Sounds like it's getting pretty wild out there!"

Turning around, he managed to bumble his way to the curtains; pulling them open and allowing the streetlight to filter inside. It wasn't much help, Amy's flat was far above the streetlights, but it was the best he could manage. Squinting as his eyes adjusted, he managed to round the table and fumble his way toward the far wall. Once there, he knew the book had to be nearby; he dropped to all fours and spread his fingers wide, running them along the carpet. With the thunder ringing in his ears, he wasn't sure if the book had hit the wall but he knew he'd thrown it hard enough that it should have. Just as his eyes started to adjust, a flash of lightning illuminated the room; but he was ill-prepared to capitalise on the vision it granted. All it told him for certain was that the diary wasn't in front of him. Turning around, head toward the hallway now, he continued to search.

Lightning struck again, before the rumble could even arrive Sonic sighted the book just beyond this reach. He lunged forward, grasping it as the clap came, but in the wake of that rumbling another light arrived and managed to fully blind him. For as quick as he'd been, he hadn't been fast enough. Amy had found a torch and he'd fallen in the immediate path of its light. She could surely see him and that meant she could undoubtedly see the blue book in his hand. The blue book that had fallen in an open position and been picked up open, albeit its text was facing the ground.

The rain's continuous spit still rapped against the windowpanes, no thunder broke the silence this time. He squinted to see through the torchlight in an attempt to read her face, but he was too blind to properly meet her eyes. She wouldn't be having the same problem.

"I…" He started, still flubbing for what to say. "Swear this isn't as bad as it looks and that I didn't read anything?" It was blunt, honest, but he feared it wasn't enough. Before he could finish that statement, he started another. "And I would have just brought it to you but I only just found it when the power went out, it was on the table with the movies, and I panicked so I threw it and-

"Sonic." She halted him, approaching down the hallway. "Are you alright?"

The blue blur blinked in confusion, was he alright? Was she only asking because he was on the ground? Did she think he'd fallen? In an attempt to calm her he rose to his feet, but as he did Sonic recognised what had worried her. He felt a stinging sensation, no further than half an inch beneath his knee there was a throbbing patch. The light was angled down; he blinked to clear his vision and discovered he'd gone into the table quite a bit harder than he'd thought. The gash wasn't huge by any stretch of the imagination, but blood was running down his leg. Atop that he'd knocked many of the movies from the table, panic had clearly overridden all of his other functions.

"I thought that was more thunder, I didn't realise you'd gone over the table." Amy fretted. "Give me a moment."

Sonic just stood there, awestruck. She hadn't taken her diary from him, it was like she hadn't even seen it; she'd clearly been flustered looking for the book… hadn't she? This was what she'd been looking for, wasn't it? The blue blur knew Amy's wrath when she was angry, her heart was always clearly bared to him, for her to act like this dumbfounded him.

He could only watch, helpless and useless, as she went to one of the cabinets and pulled out a roll of bandages, gauze, antiseptic and a sponge pad before quickly approaching him. Lightning cracked and thunder crashed behind him but, stupefied, he didn't even flinch. He finally reacted upon her full arrival, standing directly in front of him, opening his mouth but not finding the right words to say.

She tilted her head, confusion had spread over her brow; but her tone was chipper as ever. "Take a seat so I can bandage you up."

Despite being able to see he stumbled like he was blind, slowly making his way around the table to sit atop the duvet; his remaining dampness fully slipping his mind. She quickly knelt down in front of him, passing him up the torch to free her hands and let her work. The injury was tiny, hardly even worth the effort she was putting in, but Amy was treating it incredibly seriously.

Finally having, almost, come to his senses, Sonic managed a few words; "So… this is your diary, isn't it? I didn't read it but I opened it and saw the dates and your writing so I assumed…"

"Well yeah." She quickly responded. She was very much focused on her task, but she managed to loose a quick quip. "Who else is it going to belong to?"

"You're not gonna freak out? You're just gonna believe me? I figured reading a girl's diary was just about the worst thing you could do, I thought it'd take a little more than that to convince you I hadn't read it." He grimaced, in hindsight, more than a little too quickly. He was forced to keep staring at her so as to provide the light.

"There's nothing in there you don't already know about." Her mischievous smile was bared plainly to him, she looked from her work up to him. "Of course, a girl has her secrets to keep and if you did read it that's very rude of you. Clearly content with her mocking, she tied off the bandage. "But I wouldn't love you unless I trusted you my darling Sonic, isn't that obvious?"

"Well yeah, but…" He started, not sure where he planned to stop.

"Awww, you don't want me to think you'd do that; you're worried about what I think of you. Do I need to make it even clearer that I love you?" He knew she was only half kidding.

"Th-That's not it." Was that it? That might have been it. He had to think of a comeback or some kind of quip. "I just figured, with you losing it and all, you're lucky I showed up today and not someone else. You need to take better care of this stuff."

Well, that was lame but, regardless; Amy responded with a chide of her own. "I just feel so much safer around you my dear, you put me at such ease. I can't contain my deepest secrets around you." Her job done, the pink hedgehog jumped up to sit beside him and finally took back her diary. "I wanted to write my entry before we had our movie night… but I suppose that won't be happening at all now. Who knows when the power will come back on…"

There was some genuine sadness in her voice, his hand found itself in his almost-dry quills. What was he supposed to say, what could he say? "Well, even if we can't watch a movie we shouldn't waste the evening. At least half of that popcorn's gotta have popped, how's that for a start?"

Emerald eyes connected through the dark, "A start?"

"I said I'd stay as long as the storm was around, didn't I? I've gotta keep us entertained somehow." Taking the torch, though his eyes had almost fully adjusted, Sonic made his way to the kitchen; pulling open the microwave door and retrieving the salty snack. A quick shaped confirmed that many of its occupants were still in their seed form, but bursting it open and sniffing he was sure there was some good grub in there.

Returning to her side, he pulled back the duvet. "Ladies first." Perhaps it was a little flirty, but it was the closest he'd managed to a successful quip in hours.

"Bundled up on the couch with the hero of my dreams." Amy chuckled. "Huddled together in a storm, so romantic. Just try to keep your damper spots away from me?"

The pink hedgehog slipped beneath the covers before, embarrassed as he was, Sonic followed suit. He planted the torch between the couch cushions, allowing for its use as a makeshift lamp, before holding the bag out to her. As she claimed a handful he noticed the diary was open in her lap, a pencil lain down its centre.

Her handful collected her turned the bag back to himself. Picking through the kernels, he managed to collect a good handful. "So, what kinda stuff do you write in there?"

"Oh, just typical stuff. What I did over the day, any interesting thoughts I had and future plans." Amy recounted. "There's a lot about you in here, as I'm sure you can imagine."

"Well, seeing as I already know its contents…" He popped a piece in his mouth, making sure to carefully watch Amy's disposition. "Are there any highlights you wanna share?"

She hummed for a moment, beginning to flick back through the pages. "I suppose I could read you a page if you're really that curious. It'll help to kill a little time." She proposed. "But nothing on it leaves this room, alright?"

"Ow, that hurts; you just said you trusted me, Ames. Is our love a lie?" He mocked being wounded, clasping his hands over his heart.

"Trust is one thing Sonic, but we both know that if I give you an inch you'll run a mile. That's why I hug you so close." She half sang, seeming to finally settle on an entry. "Do you promise?"

"Of course I do Ames, I know what'd happen to me if I didn't." Her stare told him that was too casual, he reaffirmed his words. "I promise."

It was with that Amy began to share her written history, holding the book so he could see. Back and forth they'd take over this impromptu narration of Amy's past life, open laughing and blushing soon a commonality.

What started as just one page soon became just a few and from there somehow slipped to take up a good hour's worth of entries; all with minimal prodding from Sonic. The two hedgehogs would gradually come to shuffle closer, the book eventually shifted from Amy's lap to reside in the duvet between them. Every so often hands would brush as they reached into the nigh-empty popcorn packet. She'd started with a rather simple entry, a rather basic day consisting of little more than shopping with Cream, but Amy's descriptors could liven any story; hyperbole seemed to be her speciality. What should have been a simple chocolate cake stain on her dress was described as 'a dark betrayal by one she'd though so lovely and sweet' and a scary old man who'd offered her his umbrella was dubbed 'a frighteningly wizened gentleman with a heart ten times what his chest could possibly carry.'

This being the diary of Amy Rose, the self-proclaimed lover of Sonic, the blue blur himself was mentioned quite a lot. Descriptions ranged from calling him 'her hero' and 'the love of her life' to 'the apple of her eye, the one who drives her every thought and causes her heart to soar.' One entry, in particular, she'd caught herself midway through reading, quickly trying to insist the day was plain and boring when he recognised it for what it was; mainly because he was there. Teasing her, he'd managed to reach his initial description and read it; "It was then that my darling arrived. His cocky, suave, attitude was so freely exposed; windswept quills and the slight sweat on his brow cementing his place in my heart more and more with each passing second. With a single look, he'd blindingly brightened what'd already been a sunny Summer's day!"

It was strange to think, for as plainly as her heart was bared to him at all hours of the day; Amy Rose' infatuation had a depth even he hadn't comprehended.

It was after countless pages, giggles and a seemingly endless amount of ribbing that the power finally flickered back on.

"Th-That clearly signals enough for now." Amy insisted, quickly flipping forward to today's blank page. "It's better to leave you wanting more rather than show my full hand."

Even blinded by the returned light, Sonic could see the red tint to her cheeks. Her little diary had rather reversed their positions; though it was embarrassing to hear about himself she clearly had the stronger blush. Even if she hadn't intended to embarrass him so much, he was finally going to get his own back!

"Come on Ames, I wanna see what else you've written about me." He nudged just a little closer, draping a soggy arm around her shoulder and finally allowing himself a proper smirk. Having endured so much embarrassment, it was nice to see her just a little flustered. "It's more interesting than any of these movies would be, I'm sure of that. Let's just keep goin'."

"You'll get to a read them in the future, you're lucky I showed you any in the first place." She insisted, twisting to face away from him. "There's a handful of secrets that even you can't see yet." Sonic tossed another handful of popcorn in his mouth, prepared to sit back and enjoy the rare sight of a truly flustered Amy. It was, however, foolish of him to assume she wouldn't push back. "After all, I keep our wedding plans in here."

Sonic almost choked to death then and there, saved only by a well-placed whack on the back by Amy; almost throwing him from the couch. Be it from the rain or his own embarrassment, she was always there to save him when he needed her most.

[wrong-omega]

I'll be back

Blue hedgehog couldn't sleep. Let everything that happened was very exhausting, it also did not allow to sleep. More than a few years have happened in the last couple of days. God, when will this war end?! No more strength. He was tired of fighting, he wanted peace. There seemed to be no end to it. Sonic sometimes strongly worried, when thought about this. War oppressed him, from birth he was involved in all this, in all his life he had never seen a peaceful, measured life. Always have somewhere to go, something to save, someone to fight... Sometimes so I wanted to stop the run. But it is literally threatened with death.

The front door creaked. Sonic turned his ear to the source of the sound.

"Tails?"

"You awake, too?" the fox asked softly.

"I can't sleep", blue hedgehog turned his head toward his friend. "Why are you here?"

"I can't sleep either", the young genius without invitation entered the room and approached the bed guy. "For some reason I was so excited."

Sonic switched on the bedside lamp and shifted to a sitting position, inviting his friend to join him. The guy willingly climbed into bed and immediately fell into the strong arms of the hedgehog. Sometimes he even felt themselves soft toy, when sonic mentioned about their experiences and firmly-firmly hugged, burying its nose in wool, and he quietly listened to and stroked his hands.

Tails liked their heart-to-heart conversations. He liked, when sonic openly spoke about their sentiments and experiences, not feared and not shy. No morph in the Universe would ever hear anything like that from Sonic. He spoke about the most secret, and spoke very smoothly, almost poetically, it seemed, it's not even Sonic. His feelings were pure, real, sometimes even naive and childish. Tails liked that. Perhaps, someone the other their not understood would, but fox perceived this seriously, he knew, as for hedgehog this is important and himself found themes their conversations serious and sometimes enough painful.

"Is something wrong?"

"I'm just tired. I so want to come back from war, on which was born and grew. I've seen the horrors since I was a child, seen the mobians die. I've had enough of ruin and poverty and tears. But, it seems that it will never end", the guy paused. "You know, I still believe I'll be back, even after many years. I would even give my life, my personal defeat, if only this were over, if only the Kingdom would rise from its knees. And where is the peace and love that all sing? When will the sounds of war finally die down? Forever, not giving us a break. How much more blood and tears will the war take before it all comes to an end? When will everyone get tired of killing and betraying?" the hedgehog sighed and closed his eyes wearily. "But tomorrow again in battle. And Shadow…"

"What about him?"

"Nothing with him, just ... everything happened so fast and…"

"Are you afraid he'll betray you?"

"Nope. I'm sure he won't betray. I'm worried about something else. The whole situation is so strange. It happened suddenly and…"

"You just have a crush on him", directly said the fox, killing the guy who was about to poison all sorts of stories, hoping to confuse the other.

"Tails!"

"And you know what that feeling is", the young genius went on stubbornly," you just don't want to admit it, even to yourself", all feelings hedgehog messed up, fox all perfectly understood; and Sonic this understood, just strongly disavowed from this. "Tell me, what's holding you back? What's stopping you from doing that? You always get what you want, and no inhibitions and principles can stop you. What hinders now? Are you afraid?" Sonic remained silent, shocked by how quickly he could figure it out; and Tails added casually,

"Yeah, love is truly a crappy feeling."

P. S. English is not my first language. Sorry for any errors and shortcomings

[sonicfanj]

One of the things that endears Tails and Amy to me is the strength of self contrast the two of them used to have that sold a positive message of freedom to be yourself. 

In Tails’ case it was the fact that he was both athletic and highly nerdy in a time era when you were either one or the other (jocks vs. nerds anyone?) and promptly insulted for either. Jocks were frequently called dumb behind their backs for fear of physical retaliation while nerds were insulted for liking anything that wasn’t scholastically approved in addition to enjoying science and were frequently physically abused because of their physical frailty. Yet, along comes Tails who is both a nerd and has the physical ability to put most jocks to shame. He married these two opposing extremes/contrasting archetypes in a character who strangely lacked any self confidence yet was always encouraged to do his best and embrace being him. He embodied the good of both athletic and intellectual ability while sympathizing with how no matter how good you are there is always insecurity. He’s such a superb character in that regard to me.

Then you have Amy, who still faces the same stigmas over and over again that have been persistently present since she was introduced. If a girl is girly she must be frail and simultaneously is demeaning to women because she paints a stereotype that prevents woman from being equal with men. If a girl is a tomboy she is throwing away her femininity and trying to be a man to earn “false respect” without recognizing her place. I’m sorry, what? This type of rhetoric has always found its way to Amy conversations and as a result people ignore her spectacular contrast of being a girly-tomboy. She enjoys traditionally girly things like fashion, frilly things, thinking about the boy she likes, and simultaneously loves doing the things that the boys do such as going on adventures, taking part of the action regardless of the form, and so on. Like Tails, Amy takes two supposedly opposing extremes/contrasting archetypes and marries them into a character that has both harmoniously. And then on top of that she is absolutely over the moon happy when she is doing either traditionally girly or boyish activities and strongly emphasizes that these activities are enjoyable and can exist together harmoniously. The emphasis she brings to just doing what she likes and enjoying that has always been so inspirational in my opinion.

Unfortunately I have seen too many people demand for both of them that they pursue a unique identity by shaving off large chunks of who they are. I constantly see people wanting Tails to be the gadget guy because it matches his smarts and makes him distinct from his hero that he wants to be like, or bashing Amy for either being too girly or too boyish as it makes her a bad role model for girls by not being some elusive idea strong female character. Somehow these individuals fail to realize that Tails is awesome because he has brains and athletic ability, pretty much able to be the Spider-Man of the Sonic universe if just given the chance, and fail to understand that Amy is a great role model and powerful female character because she embraces who she is, what she wants to do, and lets absolutely no one tell her she can’t be her even though they don’t like it. It just eats me up when I see Tails not using his physical abilities or Amy stripped of her everything to be some model female clone who supports indescribable agenda’s that she better supports by just being her.

Tails and Amy are built from contrasting archetypes and are so much stronger for it with so much potential that is freely brought out just by traveling with Sonic. Tails can demonstrate his athletic ability just by keeping up, but interacting with Eggman’s creations also brings out his nerdy side as he marvels at the doc’s work. Amy has her girly side brought out as she tries to win over the boy of her dreams but also has her love of traditionally boyish things come out by her love of the adventures and excitement that she experiences by chasing after Sonic and partaking in his adventures.

Their is also the potential for a great relationship that exists between Tails and Amy as Sonic’s two biggest fans. Amy’s optimism and belief in the ability of others serves as a counter and foil to Tails’ self-doubt while Tails’ more reserved nature and abilities supports and foils Amy’s more reckless and spontaneous tendencies without necessarily the ability to keep herself out of trouble. The two support each other so well and are so heavily invested in Sonic and what he brings to their lives, as well as him as just a person and the most important person in the world to them. It’s part of the reason I believe in a trio of Sonic, Tails, and Amy instead of Knuckles* as the relationship between the three and ability to partake in a never ending road trip is so harmonious and multi-directional. Sonic encourages Tails to be his best at everything he does and constantly provides encouragement by being a great big brother figure, while with Amy he may tease her, but with her personality his teasing encourages her to keep going and strive to get better and better creating a cycle of constant self improvement. Tails meanwhile supports Sonic both with his physical and intellectual abilities while Amy’s overflowing emotions, teasing, and persistence in chasing Sonic gives him reason to keep doing what he loves (running) and also face those emotions of his that traditional masculinity and boyhood naivete frowns upon. And as stated above there is the relationship of support that can exist between Tails and Amy that is also two way.

So to me at least, Tails and Amy are such great characters conceptually who are more often than not squandered due to any number of reasons. It’s a shame to since I feel the Shōnen Jump tenants of friendship, effort, victory easily work with them and the franchise and target demographic. Then of course just their shared desire to follow Sonic on his adventures, not just with each other but with the audience, combined with the caring nature they draw out of Sonic on a much more personally level than his strong sense of justice ever demonstrates. I think SEGA/Sonic Team isn’t necessarily wrong that a trio setup best benefits the franchise, but where SEGA/Sonic Team looks at the profit margin imagery I look at the character narrative ability and think they focus on the wrong trio. Sure that trio brings instant familiarity which guarantees a quick sale, but I think that a solid narrative that fully embraces the relationships that can happen naturally and takes full advantage of that would bring the business so much more money just becasue something well crafted and believable that reaches well beyond just the gameplay/classic imagery crowd could bring back so much more. Sonic games have narrative after all, and when people come for a narrative good and natural character dynamics can it make memorable even if the narrative isn’t so much. I feel personally that Tails and Amy add that to the Sonic/Eggman dynamic and find it a shame that who should have been a one off character prevents that from being because it seems to me at least that the short term dollar signs orbiting him blind SEGA/Sonic Team/everyone else from seeing how teh franchise can grow beyond its currently shriveled state.

*[I don’t have anything against Knuckles but prefer him as the Guardian of the Master Emerald whose excursions away from Angel Island are duty related (like in the Japanese Chaotix manual) making his every appearance a question of whether or not he is an ally this time.]

[aswann12]

Decided to do pb from adventure time, nothing more to say, although I made a little story to go with this:

I was nervous, well more nervous than usual. Here I am a human that's only a couple inches in height applying for a job as an assistant to one of the most powerful princesses in Ooo. And it didn't help that their was a line forming outside of her office and even though I was next in line I could feel the people behind me just staring at me in confusion. 

"NEXT!" a powerful yet feminine voice shouted from the other side of the doorway as a random candy person walked out and almost stepped on me. I got back up and took a deep breath as I slowly walked into the princess's office. When I got in it was a bit less daunting than I anticipated, sure everything was waaaaay bigger than me but other than that it looked like a normal looking office with some filing cabnits, pictures hung up around the place featuring the princess and Finn the human with his dog jake, and a brown table in the center with 2 chairs in front and with princess bubblegum sitting behind it.

The princess was in a less regal attire as she had her hair did up in a ponytail with a smaller version of her crown acting as a scrunchie, their was a big pair of square glasses resting on her face, and she had on a grey scientists jacket with pink buttons. That's all that I could see from where I was at but my little starring session ended when the princess cleared her throat. "Ahem, please take a seat." She said in a calm tone as I scuttled across the floor and over to the chairs. I was about to climb up when I heard a zap and a bright flash surrounded one of the chairs as it quickly shrunk to my size. I looked up to see that the princess had what looked to be a toy gun in her hand as she placed it back into her desk. "It's a prototype shrink ray, now please sit." She said as she waved to the now toy sized chair as I quickly sat down.

The princess then looked over the papers that she had on her desk as she found the tiny papers that I had submitted a few days before. I silently cursed at myself as I should have submitted some bigger documents so she could read them properly, I felt like I was off on the wrong foot with her. "So, mister swann was it?" She asked me as I nodded my head quickly as I felt that I was sweating already. "Hmmmm, it says here that you've worked in many of my food stores around the candy kingdom. Care to explain HOW you worked at that many?" She asked me as I started to sweat even more. My fears where becoming more and more of a reality, but I swallowed my fears for just a second to speak to the giant princess. "W-well you see princess I worked alot in many stores because n-none of the work environments actually a-accommodated to smaller folk. So I w-was the victim of many accidents that the managers n-never bothered to fix so it would not h-happen again" I stuttered out as I felt relived that I said that but it quickly filled with worry.

If princess bubblegum took things the wrong way then best case scenario she'd just kick me out of her office. But worse case scenario would be she might be offended that I insulted the talent if the managers that she probably put there and use that prototype shrink ray on me and shrink me to atom size and leave me on her floor to either be crushed or vaccumed up by one of her banana guards. "Hmmm I see" she said with a blank stare as she reached into her desk, making me jump in my seat a bit as i thought she was going for the ray. But I sighed in relief as she pulled out a portable phone and dialed a number on it. I was confused about what she was doing until she spoke again. "Hello? Is this banana guard #1487?" She asked the supposed banana guard on the other end as princess bubblegum nodded and just said "yep" and "uh huh" for a couple minutes until she hung up.

"Um....... what w-where you talking abouy with that banana guard if I m-may ask princess?" I stuttered out as I heard princess bubblegum giggle for the first time during this whole meeting. "Oh i just ordered a small platoon of banana guards to arrest and jail the managers that was listed on your resume for neglecting a citizen of the candy kingdom." She said a cheerful voice as I just sat there in shock. How could she be so chill about the fact that she's gonna imprison about 10 candy people and play it off as a regular thing that happens. Well I've only been here for about a year so I'm not gonna say that it's not.

She then went back to my resume as she nodded her head a few times before placing the papers back on the table as she got up and circled around the table over to me. When she rounded the corner I got a better view at what she was wearing. She looked a bit formal when sitting behind a desk but when she was standing put in the open you could see that she just threw something on for the interviews. Under her lengthy lab coat was a pink tee-shirt with a heart on it and a pair of dark pink shirts. And I could hear when she was walking that she could not be wearing formal shoes cause I heard them slapping against her foot with each step. And when she was beside me I can clearly see that she had on a pair of pink flip flops that barely covered up her plump 4 toed feet.

As she got right next to me I could get a good whiff of her foot as it smelt strongly of bubblegum and other assorted candies, like fruity pebbles. She then bent down slowly and gently scooped me up out of the chair and into her hand as she then placed me on her left shoulder. I clung on to a bit if her bubblegum hair with one hand and her lab coat with the other so I could be a bit more stable. Princess bubblegum then looked over to me on her shoulder with a concerned yet puzzled look as she spoke. "Are you sure that you want to be my assistant? Your lacking a bit in the size department......" She said worried as I looked up at her as I took another deep breath and as I tried to sound as courageous as possible. "Don't worry, what I lack in size I make up for in determination!........and also dumb luck..." I said as I got a little giggle out of the princess as she thought for a moment. She then nodded her head as she carefully walked over to the office door as to not knock me off as she faced the long line of applicants. "ATTENTION EVERYONE, TGANK YOU FOR COMING BUT I'M SORRY TO SAY THAT THE ASSISTANT JOB HAS BEEN FILLED! YOU ALL MAY GO HOME NOW!" She yelled to the crowd as they all wined but they all flocked out of the castle faster than sonic the hedgehog.

Princess bubblegum then looked over to me as she smiled and patted me on the head as she closed her office door. "I hope your ready for work tomorrow, even though I'm gonna make some accommodations for your small stature, don't expect it to be so easy" she said as she placed me on her desk with a little makeshift bead and blanket. I crawled into the bed and looked up at my new boss with more determination than I had before. "I can handle anything! " I said with glee as bubblegum just giggled and gave me another pat on the head. "I'm sure you can" she said as she turned off the lights as she fell asleep in her office chair. I giggled to myself at the right as I drifted off to sleep as well, thinking about the day I will have tomorrow.

The end

[a-toast-to-my-real-friends]

LOVER RANKINGS

Alright, y’all may or may not know, I’m a Taylor Swift fan. Chad Willard posted his Rankings and Reasons for her newest album, Lover, and it inspired me to do the same. So, for the two of you who care about my personal Taylor opinions: here they are.

I haven’t sat with Lover long enough yet to really figure out where I am with it. Speak Now is my peak Taylor Swift album. I love the honesty and vulnerability on all those songs. My emotions oftentimes seem overwhelming, irrational, and illogical, and I feel like a crazy person because I tell myself, “Johnathan, you shouldn’t feel this way, so and so hasn’t done anything wrong, if anybody knew you were THIS upset about THIS situation, they’d all laugh and tell you to relax and calm down and that you were acting crazy.” And oh buddy, if I weren’t acting crazy before, best believe I’d act crazy after.

Speak Now makes me feel like it’s OK to be overwhelmed by my feelings, and Taylor does such a great job of saying exactly how I feel.

So I say all that to say, I’ll probably compare every Taylor album to Speak Now. Does Lover make me feel the same way Speak Now does? Yes and no.

I like Lover a lot. To be fair, I have listened more to the first half than the last, only because by the time I get to  “Death By a Thousand Cuts” I want to go back and listen to “I Forgot that You Existed” again. I’m going to agree with what Chad said that Hannah said: “our enjoyment of her songs oftentimes stems from where our current relationship status is.” I’m so happy that Taylor is in such a healthy, great place emotionally, and that she’s so deeply in love – and the songs she’s made are SO GOOD; but I think I’m having a difficult time enjoying them the way I would if I were in a solid, committed, tried and true relationship. I listen to “I think he knows” and “Paper Rings” and “Lover” and instead of being all glowy and glittery I just feel – sad, I guess. Which maybe explains why I like Speak Now so much, because a lot of those are sad and Overwhelmingly Emotional.

Anyway, TO THE RANKINGS!

18: False God. I just think it’s sonically boring. It’s not fun to sing along to, and the lyrics don’t do enough for me to raise it any higher. I’m gonna give it a little bit longer, maybe it’ll eventually grow on me, but it’s dangerously close to becoming a skip.

17: Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince. I’m going to get dragged for this, but it’s got the same chord progression as “So it Goes” from REPUTATION, and tbh, that one is a skip for me too. Maybe I’m not deep enough or politically educated enough to see all the brilliance behind it, but I’ll give it points for the line “It’s you and me, that’s my whole world,” though.

16: It’s Nice To Have a Friend: Meh. This just seems like a list of unrelated things she’s done with Joe. Again, maybe I’m not deep enough to understand the brilliance, but what is she trying to say? And the song is so repetitive, it doesn’t keep my interest. All this snow, ya know?

15: The Man. It’s a fun song, good beats, fun to sing along to. But as a white male, the content is unrelatable to me. Which is the point, I suppose. The song isn’t meant for me. I appreciate it, for sure, and I think it’s important, but I just don’t feel the way she feels, so it’s just strange to sing along to it. I don’t wonder if I’d get there faster if I was a man, because I am a man.

14: Soon You’ll Get Better. OK, I LOVE this song, to be clear. It’s so sad, so relatable, so pretty to listen to. Hello Dixie Chicks, glad to have you back. I cried the first time I heard it, because I’ve followed along with her mom’s struggle with cancer, and I’ve two really close friends who have lost parents recently to sickness, and the thought of them feeling this way just breaks my heart. The only reason it’s so low on my list is because I like the other songs so much. Here’s where it starts to get difficult for me.

13: London Boy. This one is a lot of fun, it’s fun to sing along to, and I like the fast rappy bridge. Gotta work on getting those lyrics down. I also like the small details about the steps that we all take in relationships, specifically meeting all of his best mates and listening to his stories from uni.

12: ME!. Brendon Urie come through with those vocals. I think I’m a little biased towards this one, just because of the video, and the excitement that always surrounds a new Taylor era. It was the first thing we saw post REPUTATION era, snakes into butterflies, all the bright colors in the video, the peppy catchy chorus. I also strongly relate to “I know that I’m a handful baby…but I promise that nobody’s gonna love you like me.”

11: Daylight. Highly relatable content here. I always say Taylor knows exactly where I am and what I’m going through. Speak Now, I was living in New York, struggling in every aspect, and spent a lot of that era feeling pretty lonely and crazy, broken, losing friends and missing them but not knowing how to say any of that to them. Red was a carry-over. 1989 I had moved to Orlando, was living in the Wolf Den with a bunch of doods that I loved, everything felt neon and electric and exciting. Reputation I had been kicked out of my house and betrayed and felt very snake like, unforgiving, and hard-hearted. And February of this year, I moved into a house I had found, picked amazing people to move in with, and felt in control of my life again. And if you happen to follow Taylor culture, that’s the same month she posted the picture with the seven palm trees to her instagam, which kicked off the whole Lover era. I say all that to say, it was time for me to step into the daylight and let it all go. To be defined by the things that I love, not the things I hate, or haunt me in the middle of the night. I only want to see daylight and think of that that special person, you know?

10: Afterglow. Hello Speak Now. It’s all me, in my head. I’m the one that burned us down, but it’s not what I meant. I don’t want to do this to you, and I don’t want to lose this with you. It’s the perfect example, IMHO, of unconditional love. Here’s all my crazy. Here’s all my insecurities. They’re going to rear their ugly head, will you please love me even with those? Here’s what I need from you in those moments of temporary emotional insanity: Tell me that you're still mine, tell me that we'll be just fine, even when I lose my mind. Tell me that I'm all you want even when I break your heart. And when you do that, I’ll say “I’m sorry that I hurt you.” What a beautiful picture of loving and being loved in return.

9: You Need To Calm Down. I dunno how closely y’all follow my antics on Facebook, but when this video dropped, I casually posted it because I liked the message. As a believer in Christ, I feel the Christian community has done a HORRIFIC job of loving the LBGTQ community, and my simple post BLEW UP, proving my point. Sidebar, I also link the first listen of this song to being in Toy Story Land with Topher, Jessica, and Leslie, huddling around my phone under the giant Christmas lights for our second dive into New Taylor.

8: Paper Rings. Ok now it’s starting to get super hard narrowing it down. We’ve entered my True Jams™ section. The only reason this is at the bottom of my True Jams™ section is because I ain’t in love like this, so where I want to feel like glitter is exploding inside of me, I just feel like dried glue the glitter was meant to stick to. I love how deeply personal it is, I love the specificity, and the song is a BOP. Standout lyrics: “I’m with you even if it makes me blue,” and “I want your complications too, I want your dreary Mondays…”

7: I Think He Knows. A Bop. Fun. Sexy. Coy and flirtatious, while also owning her power. The rappy bits. I’ve never felt a longing for somebody’s body just by the way they hold a cold glass, but boy, does this song make me want to. What specifics, what detail. Also – “I want you, bless my soul.” HONESTLY. BLESS IT LORD.

6: The Archer. Giving me those Speak Now vibes. All my heroes die alone – I jumped from the train, I ride off alone. The LONGING. The wanting to be wanted. Knowing you’re good enough, knowing you have a lot to offer – but also knowing that it’s so much that maybe nobody can handle it all. I’ve got so much to offer, who could ever leave me? I’m too much to handle – god, who could put up with all of it?

5: Cornelia Street. My God can I relate to this. I’m ALWAYS looking for the ending, for someone I love to tell me they’re leaving because being with me is too much. I always prepare for the worst case scenario. And only recently have I started to believe that maybe the worst case won’t always happen? Maybe somebody will stay? But man, my natural impulse, my knee-jerk reaction, will always be to get as far away from any and all memories of the good times. I don’t want to be reminded of the beauty and joy and greatness because it will just keep reminding me that I don’t have it anymore, and there’s nothing I could do to get it back.

4: Death by a Thousand Cuts. Ahhh, yesss, Taylor. Speak to me of being left and of the heartbreak that brings. Also, make it a bop. I constantly find myself looking through the boarded up windows of past relationships, and I see the chandelier still flickering and see all the beautiful moments, though they may have lost the radiance they once had. Saying goodbye is the worst, endings are the worst, new beginnings mean something else ended stale. Also being given up like I was a bad drug – reminds me of a line from “Better Man”: “You pushed my love away like it was some kind of loaded gun.” Pure Taylor and I’m here for it.

3: I Forgot that You Existed. On repeat. Will dance and sing to this endlessly. Also always here for a good snarky twist of the kinfe.

2: Lover. Again, the longing. The vulnerability. Asking the questions that are scary to ask, that people would think you are insane for asking someone. Loving somebody so much that you put everything else aside, and all you want is to ask, “Can I go where you go?” Clingy. Needy. Co-dependent. As brave as it would be to ask a question like that, the fear of being seen as any of these things will keep most from doing it. Which probably hinders more than it helps, because if somebody loves us, truly loves us, we should be able to ask that without any fear of anyone or anything. But I’ll sing it and pretend.

1: Cruel Summer. SO. SINGABLE. I love the chorus. It gets stuck in my head. I love the lyrics. The frailty. A relationship that started as friends with benefits, her saying “it’s cool, no rules,” when secretly she’s falling in love and fears saying it, because she thinks it’d be the worst thing he’s ever heard. Yeah, OK, please stop reading my diary, girl. But the best part is, IMHO, he feels the same way about her, and also has feared speaking up, which is why he’s grinning like a devil, because he’s so happy because he feels the same way. 10/10 cant’ stop listening.

 And there you have it, folks. Time may change my rankings, relationships may change my rankings, but from where I sit, 10 days in, these are my thoughts. If you made it this far, I’d love to know what you think of the album, and your rankings!!! As if I’ll ever pass up a chance to talk about/listen to someone talking about Taylor Swift. Sound off!

[palidoozy-art]

Man, this might be a little depressing. But I guess I just wanna ramble and get this off my chest. It doesn’t help that we had a big discussion about the Madden Shooter at EA the other day, and I and others legit cried over it.

This is a long, winding rant. So before I launch into it, I want to post three confirmed gofundme’s for the victims of the Jacksonville/Madden shooting.

Madden Community Fallen Angels

#GamersGiveBackGLHF

GoFundMe for Taylor Robertson

I get there might be other issues that are more important to you. There’s a lot of shit happening right now in the world. Time and money are finite for us. Take care of yourselves first, and don’t feel guilted or obligated to donate (don’t even feel obligated to read this). Just.. man, I dunno. Pretend I said something meaningful here. You do you.

Anyway.

When I was a kid, I remember the thing that inspired me to draw and get into the games industry was at this video rental store. I was 4 years old. I was bumbling through the aisles, and I saw this big ol’ cardboard cutout of Sonic the Hedgehog. And I remember thinking to myself, “wow! I could draw that for a living!”

And that’s what set it off. I didn’t know the proper terms for what a game artist would be, so I’d just simply tell people “I’m gonna be a cartoonist!” despite the fact that pretty much no artist in games refers to themselves as such. And even though I was a kid determined to go into the ever-dreaded arts field, my parents told me they always respected my stubbornness.

(My stepfather tried a last-ditch effort to get me to go into medical illustration, but came to accept it. A few years ago I showed him my work, and he said to me, “Em, I don’t understand what you do or how you get paid for it. But I’m proud of you.”)

I’m rambling, I’m sorry. My point is, I remember all of this. I was warned of the risks of being an artist -- it’s a competitive field, most people don’t make it, you’ll be working at Starbucks the rest of your life. And then once I was in college, the risks of being in the games industry itself -- it’s a competitive field, most people don’t make it, the pay is shit, you’ll be working long hours, sexism is still a big issue. And being my stubborn, idiot self, I went “FUCK IT” and did it anyway.

The thing that disturbs me is that never once in the 26 years I went from seeing that dumb Sonic standee to where I am right now did I consider I’d ever be tenuously connected to a mass shooting event -- or in the future, potentially threatened by one.

This is not to say “pity me, I gotta fear for my life everyday!” because truth be told, I don’t. I don’t think any of us do. The chance is infinitely small, and we all have a far greater risk of dying in a car crash or a heart attack. But none of us expected this, you know? Nobody anticipated a guy getting so upset over losing a goddamn video game that he’d kill members of his community over it. Maybe that’s an issue with death threats kind of being normalized in the gaming community, both against devs and other gamers. Nobody knows who the fuck is serious anymore.

There was a guy I read the other day who was justifying death threats against EA employees. And his justification -- or one of them, at least -- was that “maybe if we make them fear for their lives, they’ll quit EA. EA will run out of devs and be forced to close!” And my first thought was to laugh. Because I mean -- that’s a pretty ridiculous thing to say, you know? EA’s got some 9000 employees, and not all of them are active and open on social media to be threatened.

But then it’s kind of like... there are clearly people out there who are passionate about games. The vast majority of them aren’t bad people. Fuck, I’m pretty passionate about games myself. There’s also a subset of people who are convinced certain devs and people are ruining their lives -- which are mostly or partially consumed by gaming. And there’s an even smaller subset of those people who think threats and intimidation will save their passion.

... If the threats don’t work, what’s the subset of people that decide there’s no other option but to kill? Honestly, it’s probably really goddamn tiny.

But it only takes one.

Again, I’m sorry. This is pretty disorganized. And again, don’t pity me -- my connection to the tragedy is tenuous at best. I considered not talking about this because I feel like it might sound like I’m all “wow some people got shot, anyway how can I make this about me.” I’m sorry if it does. But it’s kind of weighing on me, and I guess I just wanted somewhere to vent.

It’s just... a little creepy. Still remembering strongly those feelings of awe and wonder, seeing that dumb blue hedgehog for the first time. And now I’m here, 26 years later, looking around my office and going “huh. There’s nowhere to hide in here, is there?”

[sgtcalhouns]

Finally

hey guys! i decided to try something a little different here. this takes place before felix and tamora officially establish a romantic relationship; they both desperately want it, but they’re skirting around the issue. this is just a short little ficlet about the events leading up to some actual romantic traction. enjoy!

The first time it happened, they were seated next to each other at Tapper’s. Sergeant Calhoun was laughing at one of Felix’s jokes, and he hadn’t been able to stop himself from staring. He loved seeing her like that, so carefree and full of joy. She had felt his gaze and turned to face him when his eyes shifted focus, landing on her slightly parted lips. For a moment everything else disappeared, the noise of the bar fading into the background as they held their breath, each anticipating the other’s next move. Feeling the pull of his desire, Felix was just about to give in and lean forward to meet her when a loud commotion ripped through his thoughts. 

They leaned away from each other, turning to find that Sonic had run right into Tapper, causing him to drop the root beers he had been about to deliver to a group of thirsty patrons. A red-hot blush coated Felix’s cheeks as he realized how close he had just been to kissing her. As he chuckled awkwardly and then hopped off his barstool to help clean up the mess, he thought he saw a blush on her face, too.

A week later, Tamora had stopped by Fix-It Felix, Jr. to ask Felix to take a look at her cruiser. It had been acting up, and she thought he might be able to fix it. She sat down next to him as he examined the vehicle and watched as he pulled out his trusty magic hammer, repairing her cruiser in a matter of seconds. Turning to thank him, she realized how close she was to him. He seemed to realize it, too, his cheeks tinted pink. Slowly and wordlessly, they leaned in toward each other. Felix could feel her warm breath on his face as his eyes flitted shut. 

Just before their lips met, Ralph burst into the room looking for Felix. They tore away from each other, each blushing profusely and too embarrassed to even look at one another. Tamora took her cruiser and left, looking down at the floor as she thanked Felix for fixing it. Felix had never wanted to chase after her so badly.

The next evening, they had run into each other in Game Central Station. Felix rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably as he greeted her, unsure whether or not he should address what had happened the day before. He hopped up onto a bench to even out their heights.

“I’m, uh... I’m sorry about what happened yesterday,” he said meekly. 

“Don’t worry about it,” she said dismissively.

“I hope you’re not too embarrassed, I don’t think Ralph even noticed what was going on when he walked in,” Felix said. “His timing could have been better, that’s for sure.”

He balked for a moment as he realized that he had basically just admitted that he would have kissed her if it hadn’t been for Ralph’s interruption. Looking up at her, he noticed that she didn’t seem too put off by his words. He couldn’t help but wonder if she felt the same way.

Taking a deep breath, he decided that he wasn’t about to let another opportunity pass him by. He shut his eyes, leaning forward to kiss her. It was quick and light, their lips just barely brushing, but it sparked a flame deep inside him. He didn’t pull back very far, their noses still touching. They stayed that way for a few seconds before the spark of their connection propelled them forward again, their lips meeting in a fiery kiss. Tamora held him close by the front of his shirt as he wrapped his fingers around the back of her neck, toying with her short hair. They parted after a long, heated moment, both of them panting for breath. Once her breathing had evened out, Tamora spoke, breaking the silence with a sentiment that was strongly shared between them.

“Finally.”

[cutegirlmayra]

Ok, are you still doing Sonamy prompts? 'cause if you are, here's a 'silly' one: Remember how you said you wanted to do an actual GOOD SonamyShad love triangle? Ok. Now, have you heard 'Satisfied' from the Hamilton musical? There, see. Eliza is Amy, but if you want to, you can switch Sonic and Shadow for Alexander or Angelica, you can make Shadow the outcast or you can do a platonic/romantic Sonamy where he is the outcast! (not sonadow) IDK, I just love the feels. :') You're the best!

(x) This lovely preview image was used with permission! Please support the Artist as well~

Yeah, I love that musical! I see Amy as Eliza a lot actually xD But I usually ship Sonamyshad as Sonic and Shadow having feelings for Amy. >////

Prompt:

The drink in his hand wasn’t much of a calming substance.

Long ago, Shadow had begun to feel… stirrings… for Amy, but such things were ‘disagreeable’ with him and his lifestyle. Instead, he kept it bottled up. Didn’t say much about how she made him feel during the time they all did missions together to put an end to a foreign enemy, nor the fact that he had chosen to partner up with her during that time instead of Rouge.

Rouge was the first to pick up a strange ‘attachment’—so to speak— coming from him when it came to Amy Rose. He was quick to interject when roles and aids were being called out, and always strongly enforced that he and Amy were a good balance of brawn and wit.

It was beginning to get controlling though, and although Amy never suspected anything, Sonic’s presence in her life was overwhelming to Shadow… he began to get eerily jealous of Amy’s admiration for him. He became more persistent in being with her, and even went so far as to drive a wedge between the two by keeping Amy away from Sonic…

However, these attempts failed.

Amy was always seeking out Sonic, never realizing Shadow’s harbored feelings, and soon…

Well, the wedding was a surprise.

Shadow clanked the glass down hard on the table, tsk’ing as the merry crowd gathered and cheered at some joke Sonic had said.

Although he respected Sonic… he didn’t owe him any favors.

He quickly gorged in one fatal gulp the rest of the drink, wiping his mouth and prepared to leave with a scowl on his face.

“Hmm?” Rouge, fancied up, moved slightly from Knuckles’s embrace to cock her eyebrow up at his obvious upset exit. “Leaving so soon?”

He only grunted in a sigh.

His eyes narrowed, not liking her eyes on his back, before…

“Alright, alright, alright! Let’s hear it for the lovely couple! And now, a toast!”

A toast?

Shadow stopped a moment, pivoting his head slightly to the side, but not fully looking back just yet. “Odd..” he didn’t think they would start without-

“And here’s the lovely bride now!”

Shadow couldn’t help it. All he needed was to watch a piece of fabric fly by the corner of his eye for the temptation to be too great and turn around to look at her.

He was stunned from head to toe, unable to look away and unable to close his mouth.

The longing to have Sonic never exist grew again… and jealousy turned to envy instantly.

She was beautiful.

Then, Sonic all but disappeared.

So did the party.

The guests.

The tables and it’s over-glorified food and beverages.

He found himself walking after her as if daydreaming, moving parallel but out of sight behind the crowd as he watched her through the slits of their bodies all tightly together in a line to welcome her.

“To the Groom!” To the groom… the groom…

“To the bride!” To the bride… to the lovely bride…

“To their future!” Amy…

“To their union!” To this revelation.

“And the hope that you’ll provide!” This can’t be happening…

Shadow stopped walking as the sides of his face pulled down in utter anguish.

Had he fallen so deeply into this… this fascination with her that he couldn’t even snap himself out of the trance she had on him? Could he really just not walk away? But watch this act be done?

His fists clenched along with his jaw… jagged in a line upon his teeth were the full bearings of his fangs.

“He doesn’t deserve her…” It was so faint, so completely drowned out by the crowd, that not even his own ears could pick up his muttered betrayal.

But someone did see his mouth move.

“Shadow?” Amy turned to look straight through the crowd, lifting a gentle and angelic hand towards him.

“Oh?” The crowd turned, as the announcer from before gestured to Shadow. “Do you have anything to say?”

“…Simply…” he held his head high, realizing he had to now.

Looking at Amy’s eyes… seeing her concern in them…

Did she know?

“…That you always… be satisfied.”

She smiled.

Rewind. “Chaos…” he slowly pulled the Chaos Emerald out, hurriedly walking back and away from everyone, heading outside.

“Control.”

“I remember that night… I just might regret that night for the rest of my days…” Shadow moved through the forest, seeing a weary Amy, struggling to breathe, crawling towards the only safety she could perceive.

He watched her, knowing exactly what he did and responded to her with… and thinking maybe history could repeat itself in a different way this time.

He approached her.

“S..Sonic?”

He felt a twinge of pain.

His face scrunched up, but he lowered himself down as her face moved up to get a better look at him.

“Are you alright?” He was following the script, not sure when to change it.

There’s eyes remained locked as long as Amy could muster them before she collapsed and he picked her up.

“Here.” He gave her something to drink as she gulped it down, hitting her chest a moment as she coughed up smoke.

“Explosion.” She explained with a weak voice. “Thank you… Shadow.”

“Rest. You need it.” He moved the drink away from her and as he did so, lightly brushed his fingers over her hair.

She didn’t notice.

She never did.

It was so secretive, the slight pleasure he obtained from those ‘slide-of-hands’ he all but perfected over the course of time they spent together… but now…

She coughed again, “I’m so lucky you found me…”

He didn’t respond, just helped lift her up more so she could breathe…. Then… leaned her back against his own as he rested upon a stump.

“A pity your hero didn’t find you.” Shadow retorted to, at last, going by his old words, but they held new meaning now.

It wasn’t a silly taunt anymore.

It held so much… more now.

“Hmph. You’re just like me then. I’m never satisfied with my rescues either.”

That triggered something in him, a sudden urge to lean down and claim her his right then and there. A kiss… forbidden and deadly… but could it change fate?

“There’s still a million things I want me and Sonic to accomplish.” She smiled, that same… unyielding smile of total and pure joy.

How could she be so content? With a boyfriend like him!?

Shadow turned away, tsk’ing again, as Amy giggled.

“But just you wait.” She retorted, looking down and away from straight up into his face. She lightly stroked Shadow’s hands around her waist… “I’ll make that Sonic respect me.”

I already respect you.

Shadow looked away, fighting the urge to pull her up further and take hold of her mouth and never give her time to breathe again.

But what good would that do? The second she caught hold of fresh air again, she would run back to her Sonic. Nothing he could do could change that.

The conversation lasted two, maybe three minutes… but it was in that moment that Shadow began to feel something for Amy.

They both played games of wit on their missions. They enjoyed the other’s company. She even got him to smile on more than one occasion.

What did she see in that blue menace?

Then again… currently speaking, with Shadow’s feelings and all, he was the true menace to her ‘happily ever after’…

“Do you ever wonder what would happen if Sonic wasn’t the one you end up with?”

She fidgeted, sweating a little in his arms as she didn’t speak.

She was flying off of hope, and nothing more.

Beautiful… and boy, did she know it.

She played innocent and cute so well… but he saw sides of her that he was sure even Sonic didn’t get a chance to see.

He wanted to take her far away from here, far into his arms and into a void where neither of them could escape from. A place where no ‘Sonic’ existed… but then he looked down to her face, hearing only silence, and watched in humiliating shock with her eyes light up.

“I’m just helpless, you know?”

And truly, he knew she was-

“Helpless?”

Her eyes simply screamed-

“Helplessly devoted to him~” she swooned, melting into Shadow’s arms with sighs as his own twitched and shook uncontrollably.

It didn’t matter. Nothing he did would ever matter to her more than Sonic. More than her own diluted feelings for him.

Then Sonic came.

“Woah! Amy! I finally found you!”

Shadow glared up at him, spooking Sonic slightly as Amy’s face lit up with smitten grandeur at his arrival.

“Sonic!”

“Miss me?”

“Aways!” she coughed then but tried to move out of his grasp.

“..Shadow?”

Shadow continued to hold her.

He closed his eyes, ‘That’s when I realized… three fundamental truths at the exact same time.’

He handed her off to Sonic, who played the charming rescuer even though Shadow did all the work of helping her stay alive.

“I was worried about’cha. You gave everyone quite a scare, Amy.” He smiled warmly down to her, so friendly and full of hidden love she wouldn’t discover until another few years.

“Hehe, worried? Scared? Oh, Sonic!” she wrapped her strong arms around his neck, being careful to be gentle. Something… Shadow knew because she replicated it when he held her through missions as well.

Sonic held her bridal style, the exact same way he did.

So why was it different?

Shadow turned away, fists turning white as the gloves over them before he folded his arms and took a deep breath, turning away from the ‘happy’ couple.

“I miss you all the time! Why can’t you understand that?” she sighed, but Shadow knew from the tone of her voice that she was only playing.

He knew her.

Every gesture and mannerism…

But he wanted so much more than knowledge…

He gritted his teeth again, stifling any noise of aggravation he may make towards them.

Shadow reminded himself that Amy was his first love, that he was an abomination made on the Space Colony Ark, and that was why he let Sonic take her away that day.

Nice going, she was right.

He turned to the two.

He will never be satisfied.

He walked over to them, “What are you doing?” Sonic asked.

Shadow turned him around, “I’m about to change your life.” He stated and gave Sonic a little ‘nudge’ so to speak, “Go take Amy around the lake. Try and be somewhat chivalrous and give her a good time.”

“W-what!?” Sonic’s face lost it’s ‘cool attitude’ and suddenly was in shambles as Amy blushed and looked surprised back at Shadow.

He faked his smile and walked away from the two. “My only job in this life is to protect humanity and let them live out there dreams. So maybe that is why…” He pulled out his chaos emerald.

“I let Amy have her dream…” he was plenty far enough away for Amy and stubborn Sonic with his nose up in the air to avoid Amy seeing any further expression of his embarrassment on his face, although totally applying what Shadow said and giving her a night to remember… one that left Shadow without any chance to climb—but then again— he already knew he had lost.

“Even if she’s clueless.” He smirked, holding the emerald out, “That doesn’t mean… I want her any less.”

He teleported through time back to Amy and Sonic’s wedding, folding his arms as he watched her walk down the isle, Sonic sweating buckets and having to be fanned by Tails’s twin tails just to stay calm and not overheat from anxiety.

Cold feet?

Shadow snickered, before looking away, leaning on the door and not looking back.

“I’d have to be naïve to set her feelings aside,.. it’s just another reason why I-“ he gripped his head, suddenly feeling the rush of sorrow crash inside himself. “Maybe that’s why…” he started to feel a migraine the size of a walnut in his head, only growing bigger as he turned fully away from the scene and covered his face, trying to get some air.

“I gave her to Sonic… Now that’s her groom.”

He looked up through his fingers, glaring.

“Thank you for all the help you’ve done, Shadow.” Amy’s eyes beamed with praise.

He looked down at her hand…

“If it takes fighting a war to be with you…” he grabbed it, dropping down to one knee and surprising her, seeing her blink fast as he kissed her hand. “Then it was worth it.”

Sonic later bent to one knee… shocking her even more… frustrating Shadow even more…

Shadow walked out of the church, “I’ll leave you to it.” He lifted a hand up, dismissing the happy couple, letting Sonic win over himself.

Who was he kidding… Sonic had him beat before Amy even knew of his existence.

Three….

He knew Amy like he knew his own mind by now.

Sonic came out later, basking a minute in the moonlight before Shadow approached him.

“Shadow?” he straightened himself up, seeing Shadow’s demeanor looked off.

“What’s up? The food not good enough for ya? Hehee.” He smiled obviously, as Shadow took a deep breath to calm his rage, and then looked up within the shadows of the darkened trees towards him.

“Take care of her Sonic… you’ll never find anyone as trusting or as kind as Amy Rose…”

“Uhh… I think you mean, Miss The Hedgehog.” Sonic raised an eyebrow. Just as oblivious as her…

Shadow rolled his eyes.

Even he didn’t fully realize Shadow’s feelings for Amy.

He wondered… if he had told Sonic of his feelings… would he have been silently resigned? Would she have been his? Or would he have been lying about being indifferent to it all?

Either way…

If Shadow had succeeded in driving a big enough rift between them, she would have acted content and fine, but she’d obviously be lying as well.

Shadow left then… But deep in the night, when he dreamed or fantasized… It was always her eyes, Maria’s words in her mouth, as she would lean her back against his chest just like that first night… looking up at him…

Even if she never loved him…

At least he kept her eyes in his life…

But he’d never be satisfied.

[fmdtaeyongarchive]

↬ we are no more than friends, i know.

date: august 2020 / october 2020.

location: kiha’s studio / ash’s apartment studio

word count: 2,048 words.

summary: idk. ash has issues other than the vogue korea september issue if you catch my drift. the ending of this is so melodramatic but so is ash, leave us alone

triggers: alcohol mentions + metaphorical suicidal imagery and gun violence imagery. also metaphorical blood imagery. yeah, ash is on his love = death shit again. i’m sorry. he’s not taking his antidepressants in the later parts of this + he’s read too much about bonnie and clyde for this song + meningitis causes “emotional disruption” so please just blame it on all of that.

notes: creative claims verification. more mentions of youngjoo. also…  an appearance from npc ash’s producer crew friend kiha so i gotta say now that kyung and kiha have both made appearances in ash solos... erin is the only one of ash’s npc crew trio friends with a brain to mouth filter, which is why he gets along with her the best.

ash doesn’t have much experience with unrequited love.

for someone who’s defined so much of his music-making by the heartbreak he’s been through, he knows the heartbreak of once-requited or still-requited feelings far more than he does the heartbreak of loving someone who doesn’t feel the same way. perhaps it’s one small way in his life that he’s been lucky. rarely have his feelings that weren’t returned ever gotten very serious. he knows getting starry-eyed over someone who doesn’t know he exists or affection for someone who doesn’t see him as an option, even yearning for someone he suspects might be yearning for him in return without confirmation, but love? love is a two-way street.

which is why he’s caught off-guard when kiha asks him if he’s in love with some chick who doesn’t love him back when ash shows him the latest song he’s been working on.

“huh?” the shock on ash’s face is genuine, but kiha laughs like ash is fronting for the sake of evading their conversation.

“come on, man. no one who actually doesn’t care writes a whole bryson tiller knockoff with the lyrics ‘just friends, who cares?’ that’s rule number one of the friendzone.”

ash scoffs and turns back around in his seat, trying not to show that the other’s words had caused some hurt, which only earns another chuckle from his friend.

kiha really gets on ash’s nerves sometimes. being his go-to clubbing buddy doesn’t make him an expert on what’s going on in ash’s life, and ash doesn’t even believe in the friendzone anyway. that’s for people who believe the world revolves around whether or not they can have sex with each person they have in their lives.

he only gets more annoyed as kiha speaks yet again. “what? too much of a hot shot for the girls and guys not to jump at the chance to get with you?”

kiha is joking and ash knows, but it strikes a tender nerve that ash would very much prefer were left alone. there come times like this when their different worlds clash too strongly. kiha finds the whole idol thing to be a joke and, frankly, so does ash, but that doesn’t mean he wants to deal with his friend mocking his entire public image.

he burns red with guilt at the simple fact one person immediately comes to mind as kiha drones on about ash ‘getting in his feelings’.

it’s not like he thinks he and youngjoo have anything in common with infamous american criminals on the run, but he has to channel feelings from somewhere and despite his best efforts to pretend otherwise, ash knows very well where nearly all of the romantic feelings he lays bare in his music come from these days.

it’s not that ash hasn’t considered that what he feels for youngjoo isn’t reciprocated, but then again, there are times she says things and does things and he lets his hopes get the best of him in believing he isn’t the only one feeling what he does. and even if she feels nothing for him, that’s fine, too. it’s not like he’s fallen head over heels, unable to get up, can’t eat or sleep without her. he has a little crush, and that’s fine. he’s not the first person on earth to have a crush and he won’t be the last and, considering their history, it’s only natural that sleeping together again for such an extended period of time would reawaken once-dormant feelings. he’s let himself get comfortable, that’s all. he could stop feeling the way he does any time he wants to.

it doesn’t matter whether her feelings for him go beyond what they have or not, anyway. that’s the point of the song. nothing’s ever going to happen between them again besides what they have now, so it doesn’t matter if they’re just friends or if either of them want more. that’s where the bonnie and clyde metaphor had come in — doomed no matter what they do, playing with fire, not belonging to each other.

after all, bonnie parker had been wearing her wedding ring from another man when she’d died by clyde barrow’s side.

bonnie and clyde may very well be lovers immortalized in name together and romanticized in media, but sworn to one another is something they’d never been.

as if on cue, ash’s silence prompts kiha to speak again. “and what’s the bonnie and clyde thing about?”

“american bank robbers? the quintessential romanticized reference of doomed lovers, if you aren’t counting romeo and juliet.” ash doesn’t bother to turn around from where he’s fiddling with one of the vocal lines to check and see if recognition lights up kiha’s eyes or not. if he’s going to be a dick, ash isn’t above being a little condescending about his song inspiration. “bonnie and clyde died for their crimes instead of as casualties of a violent feud between families, though. they saw their death as inevitable, if bonnie parker’s poems are to be believed. nihilism in the form of passionate love. i’ve been reading up on them here and there. they’re pretty interesting, actually, once you shed the lore around them and look at them as real people who did some bad shit.”

“damn, you’re ready to die for some girl?”

of course that’s what he’d taken from everything else ash had said. all ash had wanted was to ask kiha if he thought the vocal delivery should be looser or not, and this is where he’d gotten. he isn’t sure why he’d expected anything better.

“that’s not what i said, kiha.” ash rolls his eyes, knowing full well that the older man can’t see him, as he puts the finishing touches on his work before saving it and beginning to pack his things up as fast as he can manage while still looking unaffected. “it’s probably best if i go. it’s getting late.”

“never knew you were so masochistic. that just emotional or does it make you freaky in bed, too?”

the look on kiha’s face tells ash he’s finally realized too late that ash isn’t in the mood for the kind of jokes he’s cracking about the song or the untold story behind it. kiha doesn’t try to stop ash from leaving, though, and he doesn’t open his mouth again until ash is in the doorway and turns around to concede a goodbye.

“hey. you don’t strike me as the hell-raising clyde type, but if some girl, this ‘bonnie’ of yours doesn’t like you back, you gotta get yourself together and move on. why would you put everything on the line for some girl you have to fake not caring about? you gonna repeat history? sounds like bonnie and clyde didn’t get their happily ever after the first time around.”

ash forgets why he’s friends with kiha sometimes. the other man is a great songwriter for someone who seems so unwilling to experience his own emotions and so willing to give advice ash hadn’t asked for.

he has the misfortune of thinking kiha is done right before he pipes up again. “i know you’re done with relationships or whatever, man, but no one who doesn’t want to be loved back writes the shit you come in here and show me, so… i don’t know. go out there and find someone who will love you back so i don’t have to sit through your weird double homicide, dying side by side love fantasies until we’re old and grey and that pretty boy face can’t work its magic from our rocking chairs anymore.”

“hey, kiha? didn’t ask.” that’s all he gets for parting words before ash leaves and forgets everything kiha had said under more shots than he can keep track of.

it doesn’t bother him that kiha cuts right through every layer of armor he’s constructed so easily without so much as lifting a finger when all ash had wanted was some objective musical criticism.

no.

ash wants a drink after a long day. that’s all.

_____________________________________________________________

that’s all.

ash finds himself mentally repeating the phrase more and more as time races on.

kiha hadn’t said the song was a stupid idea, but in the days following their conversation, ash wonders if it is. the concept had been a spur of the moment one, based on a first verse spinning off into something new when he’d fallen down a rabbit hole online one night and he’d begun to wonder: in a different life, would he be a clyde barrow or a roy thornton? the thrill ride or the one that gets left behind?

because those are the only two options for someone like him in a situation like he’s in, in the end.

the song teeters dangerously on the edge of low synths and hi-hats, distorted brass and whispers under the track, a sonic mirror image of the clashing in his head. he thinks if he asked someone with more experience to their name with writing hits, they’d tell him it’s too busy to ever be a fully mainstream record, but ash is past writing for the mainstream with this song.

he doesn’t know if he even wants anyone to hear this. will they pity him? mock him? know him more than he wants them to, like kiha had when he’d reached right into the center of ash’s chest and squeezed around the bloody pulp his heart has become?

each time he ponders any one of the one hundred questions swimming through his head for too long, he’s tempted to leave everything behind again to find his way to the nearest club with a semi-safe standard for who they let in their doors. instead, he gets catharsis by kicking up the percussion up a few levels in volume and re-recording vocals over the parts that feel too soft listening to them back. his tone is darker now, more destructive instead of the romantic interpretation he’d taken on the first demo recording, but everything falls apart after the second chorus and in a peak-climbing moment of emotion, he exits the file completely, leaving him with two-thirds of a track and the remaining self-preservation not to come back to it while it’s playing games with his mind.

his self-preservation must get dropped somewhere in the ocean during his plane trips from seoul to indonesia to malaysia to seattle back to seoul, because coming back to the track happens only a few months after he abandons it.

the first night he returns to it, he weighs it down with the sound of his heart — a call that can’t be made.

if his heart is a payphone, he doesn’t have any change left to sound out a call for help, for forgiveness. 

if he were to call her, would she answer or has she already cleared his number from her phone and blocked it permanently?

the track drops out and mellows where he’d left off. 

even still would you remember me? nah, nah, i’m just...

he’d only hate himself more if the goodness of her heart could be great enough to give him a second, third, tenth chance.

the head-pounding bass kicks back in and then all of the air is sucked back out of it like being flung out into the black abyss of space.

a gunshot.

it’s the closest he can come to describing what he’d done to himself in his bedroom that night. he’d grabbed the gun and put it to his own head. there’s no one else to blame.

_____________________________________________________________

only a few days later, he opens up the file bonnieandclyde again, this time in his studio with full awareness of what it is and where he’d left it. the tequila shots he’d had to celebrate his return home to a dark and empty apartment after the end of his day aren’t enough to get him past the outskirts of tipsy.

the confusion of loss he’d left off at isn’t the correct ending anymore. a week after, and he knows the song doesn’t end with the trigger being pulled, but the last thoughts he’d had as every held-back thought had trickled out of his head in a bright red stream onto his carpet, his own heart beating in his ears — the only part of him foolish enough to keep fighting to stay alive.

i want, want you to know baby, i want you to know how much i love you how much i need you

[blueboxshenanigans11]

Dark Room

Eleven x Reader

Request: Anon asked: Hi can I have a 1, 5, and 13 prompt list 3 with the 11th doctor? I love your work 😘

Request: @thedemiwitch-at221b I dunno where to put requests… so I’ll put it here. Prompt 5 with the she replaced with the 10th or 11th doctor and his companions find him

Hello! I hope it’s okay that I combine your requests because, like Drowning, they call for the same Doctor and most of the same prompts. Also, just wanted to mention again, I personally have not attempted suicide, so with this story, I tried to write in a way that was honest and pulled from my personal experiences. I also wanted to try something a little new with this and I hope you both like it and it reads well. I hope you both enjoy the read. As always, if there is anything that is harmful or hurtful please let me know, and I can take it down or change things. Thank you for your understanding, support and love. Much love to you xoxo  

Title: Dark Room

Warnings: Cursing, suicide, death, night terrors.

Word Count: 2,486

It was as if you had been holding your breath for just too long as you jolted awake from your dead sleep, sitting up trying to take deep breaths to steady your pattern. Just as quick as someone snaps their fingers, you were fully awake, staring into the vast darkness of your room. Your gut was telling you to go to the Doctor. You stayed in bed attempting to fall back asleep, thinking it was just your mind being needy. But your soul was screaming to go to him, so you finally listened. You grabbed your jumper that was laying on top of your others on a desk chair, and let the oversized garment engulf you to fight against the coldness the Tardis was emitting.

You made your way down the winding halls to get to the console room, the Doctor nowhere to be seen. This puzzled you, and you walked about calling out to him to see if he would answer. He didn’t. While he hardly used his own room, or even slept for that matter, you had an idea of where it might be in the ominous spaceship. You quickly spun back to the entrance of halls, beginning to follow the twists and turns once again. If he wasn’t with you in your room, he would be in the console room. If not there, then he’d be with Clara. If not there…then you weren’t sure what room he would be tucked away in. You decided to head to Clara’s room first, especially since she might have a better idea on where he could be.

When you got to her door, you knocked softly. After a few seconds, you heard her stirring about before greeting you with her eyes only half open. “Hm? What is it? Is something wrong?” She asked sleepily, a yawn escaping her lips. “Well…I’m not sure if I’m being honest.” You claimed, wringing your hands nervously. She gave you a puzzled look, and you explained, “I just, woke up needing to see the Doctor. Like, a gut feeling. So I went to the console room and he wasn’t there so I thought I’d check if he was with you.” Clara shook her head, her eyes more open and alert than before. “No, he isn’t with me. Do you want help looking for him?” You let out a sigh of relief, and nodded. She went back into her room to switch out of her robe and put on a sweater of her own before coming out with you to head towards the Doctor’s room.

Something you admired about Clara was the way she so easily fit into a situation that seemed impossible to take on alone. She never judged, she wouldn’t question your part. She would be whatever you needed her to be in that moment, and do what she could to help you. You always felt safe coming to Clara with anything. You two had grown very close since you began traveling with her and the Doctor, which was something you weren’t expecting. The Doctor had swept you off your feet quicker than you could have imagined when it came to impossibility of what the universe could hold, and Clara was there to help you remember to keep yourself grounded while it was all happening. They were both your best friends, and you felt that you were the luckiest person alive to have found them.

You spied the door to the Doctor’s room as you turned down a long hallway. Your heartbeat began to quicken with every step you took, and your stomach was churning into painful knots. Clara looked over at you as you both made your way, but grabbed you by the shoulder to stop you once seeing how distraught you were. “Y/N, are you okay? What’s going on?” “It’s the Doctor. Something is wrong.” You simply stated, and without another word, turn and ran to the door. The hallways seemed to never end, and your mind was racing as to why you were feeling this strongly something was wrong, and how it was probably nothing. You couldn’t be sure until you found him, and you wouldn’t feel better until you had.

You were out of breath as your body came to a screeching halt, and you immediately began knocking on the door. “Doctor!? Doctor! Are you in there?!” You sputtered, Clara catching back up to you, also short of breath. The Doctor hadn’t responded, and when you put your ear to the door to try and hear if he was within, you couldn’t hear anything with the blood pounding through them. “Clara, I can’t hear anyth…he’s not – “ You stammered, briskly pacing away from the door while running your hands through your hair. “Doctor? Doctor open up!” Clara called, knocking heavily against the metal door, sending echoes throughout the expansive hallway. “Try the door, we need to get in!” You ordered, Clara without question starting to work on the door knob. Unfortunately, it wasn’t allowing you entrance which wasn’t helping you panic any less. “Doctor! Please! Let us in!” You yelled as loud as you could, shaking the door knob so vigorously you were sure it was going to pop off. “Move Y/N!” Clara yelled at you, and as you turned out of the way to face her, you saw she had the sonic screwdriver in hand rushing to the door as it buzzed energy through itself to work on the lock. “Clara, how did you –“ But before you could ask any questions, the door finally opened, and your mind was back to finding the Doctor.

The room was so dark you were initially frightened to go in, but Clara grabbed you by the arm and pulled you in behind her, the door slamming shut behind you. The sound was deafening and rattled through your core as you were plunged into total darkness. It didn’t take you long to realize Clara wasn’t holding onto your arm anymore, and you were completely alone in the cold darkness. “Clara? Clara where did you go?” But there was no answer from her. You shuffled about the space, attempting to find the Doctor, Clara, or if anything, a source of light. The air around you felt thick, making your lungs pump slower causing your breathing to be labored. “Doctor? Doctor? Doctor please answer me…” Were the only words you were able to muster out as you helplessly staggered about. You didn’t know how long you had been searching, and you almost completely forgot about Clara until you heard her small voice, “Y/N…” “Clara?!” You spun around with your arms outstretched. “Y/N, I’m here. I found him. The Doctor…he tried to kill himself.” She stated in a monotone whisper, your heart stopping at her words. “What?! No! No, no, no! Where? Where are you Clara?! Doctor!?” Then a bright light blinded you as you were spinning about trying to locate Clara’s voice. Your eyes were hurting, but you forced them to face the stunning brightness. As they were still adjusting to your whereabouts, you were able to recollect that the room was bare and empty. No furniture, no bed, nothing on the walls, just a floor and four walls. As you strained your eyes which were refusing to open, you still managed to find a heap on the floor not five feet away from you.

You felt your body go numb from your feet up, as you realized who the heap of a man was on the floor in front of you. “Doctor…” You whispered, trying to force your feet forward but they wouldn’t budge from where you were. You fell to your knees and began to reach out to him, still unable to make yourself move from where you were. Tears were falling from your eyes, and you couldn’t control the piercing sobs that escaped your lips. “NO! NO DOCTOR PLEASE!” You screamed in hopes that would maybe jolt him up and come to you. Your head was spinning. Your stomach’s previous made knots twisting tighter and punching you with a force you never knew was possible. “How did you…why did you…I don’t understand! You said you weren’t going to leave me…Doctor please…Doctor! Please!” You sobbed, pleading to the lifeless form. Without warning, you jolted forward and he was in your lap in a matter of seconds. You were caressing his face, while giving it light slaps to try and wake him. “Come on Doctor, it’s okay. You’re okay…I can fix this…I can…I...” You began to hyperventilate as him not waking up became more and more of a reality.

His usual warm skin was now cold and hard. His lips that always seemed to have a hint of a grin were now in a pressed line. “You’re mad at me Doctor aren’t you?” You pressed, trying to get any sign of a reaction from him. “You’re mad at me and this is all my fault…I’m sorry! Please, this isn’t funny!” His hair flung about as you tried to readjust him, and his body was heavy fighting against you in a whole other way than it might if he were still conscious. “Oh Doctor…Doctor I love you! I love you so much! I’m so sorry…I’m so, so sorry…” You cried, touching your forehead against his and running a hand through his still soft hair. “I’m too late…” You whimpered knowing you were not going to get an answer back. Your gut had been right that something was wrong, you never would have guessed it at this capacity. As you sat with the Doctor in your arms, all of a sudden the room began to dim with no real reason to do so. Your face shot up, and you looked around to see who would be doing so, when you realized the large door that had stood only moment before was now gone. “What the fuck?” You muttered, clinging onto the Doctor’s body a little tighter. “Clara? Clara where are you?!” You hollered, anger and fear present in your voice. “Time’s up.” She claimed softly into your ear. “Clara what the hell are you talking about?!” You spun around to face her, but she was also nowhere to be seen. When you turned back around, the Doctor was also gone from your arms. “NO! DOCTOR?!” You screamed, furiously looking around for him in the continuing dimming. It was becoming harder and harder to see, and your movement felt as if it was slow-motion going through heavy water. The sound of the sonic screwdriver began to buzz loudly in your ears until you couldn’t hear your screams for the Doctor anymore. You were banging on the floor, unable to move as you sobbed feeling helpless and utterly alone. The room descended into darkness, and you felt absolutely nothing as the buzzing grew to the point that everything was numb.

“Y/N?” You heard a distant voice called, sounding as if your ears were filled with water. “Y/N? Y/N, come on, wake up!” You felt as if you were rushing up for air, the voice becoming clearer and clearer. “Y/N!” Finally, you had jolted up with a large gasp, trying to get all the air you could inside your lungs. “Doctor!!” You shrieked, almost flinging your whole body forward and out of the bed you were in. “Woah, woah, Y/N I’m right here. It’s okay…hush now it’s okay.” The soothing timbre of the Doctor’s voice filled your ears, and your eyes began to shed waterfalls of tears. Your defenses had decided to kick in, and you shoved him away from you, pressing your back against the wall. “You’re going to fucking leave me! What if you leave me? What if you fucking leave me!” You roared, taking the Doctor aback. “Y/N, there is no way…why would you say that? I’m not going to fucking leave you! I would never even think of doing something like that to you.” He responded, trying to reach out to you again. You could see that he was just as jarred as you were, and you felt your wall fall, resulting in you falling into his arms crying hard. “You say that now but you’re going to fucking leave me…you’ll turn out like everyone else did…” You croaked, leaving the Doctor speechless only for a second before he realized he needed to bring you back to him.

“Oh Y/N…No sweetheart no…I’m not going to leave you. I’m right here. I am right here with you. You had a night terror my love…It’s okay thought, I’m here…” He hushed you while gently rubbing your back in the way he knew would help sooth you. He let you cry in his arms as you slowly came back to reality from your purgatory of sleep. You sat up on your own accord and put the Doctor’s face in your hands. His face looked tired, and you knew it was because he had just been woken by you. His face glowed in the dimness of your room and you felt at ease when you looked into his warm eyes. “I’m so sorry Doctor, I didn’t know you were here…I didn’t mean to say those things…” You blubbered on but he took your face into his hands and made sure you were looking at him. “You never have to apologize Y/N. Never. I want to be here for you when these things happen. As long as you’ll have me, I will be here to bring you back.” He wiped the fresh tears from your face, and a small smile creeped onto your face feeling the love he was giving you. “Lay back down love. We can just lay here.” He urged, reaching onto your desk as you readjusted yourself in your bed. He grabbed you your water that you had set on the night stand, and as you downed it he had turned on your music on the speaker at a low volume, and flicked on a plug in light that helped ease you after a night like tonight. You watched him as he turned back around to come to you, and you couldn’t fathom how he had come to learn about you and what you needed so quickly, but you were more than grateful that he had.

You and the Doctor laid in bed in silence, listening to the soft music flood the room. You both knew the other was awake, but neither of you needed to speak the obvious; you loved him, and he loved you. That was all you needed in that moment, to know you were loved and that you weren’t alone. The Doctor made sure you knew both of those things, and he secretly vowed that he would always be the one to show you that those things were true, even if it took him all of time to do so. You never would have to face the darkness alone again.

[renaroo]

Lost but Not Lonesome

Disclaimer: Transformers, Beast Wars, and related properties belong to Hasbro Warnings: Canon-typical language and violence, References to autism and ableism Rating: T Pairing: AirazorxTransmutate Prompt: ( @vo-kopen ) Just for the sake of asking, and feel free to reject this, but maybe a sequel to the Beast Wars stories I commissioned, taking place in a version of Beast Machines? Prompt - Tigatron is still missing along with Rampage's Spark and other members of the team, and Airazor has been trying to distract herself from mourning by teaching Trans-Mutate Chirolingual (Cybertron sign language by hand holding) During a session Trans-Mutate signs a very intimate phrase, and Airazor is unsure of how she feels.

A/N: Thank you for such an interesting prompt! 

For those unfamiliar, I have written two fics for this same series based in a Beast Wars AU already that developed a what-if for Airazor and Transmutate’s friendship in an alternate canon. So I’m going to build somewhat off of those for this fill. 

Returning home was not supposed to mean such sparkbreak. 

There was a part of Airazor, a bitter part down to her core, that was beginning to wonder what she and the others had done over the years to deserve their constant misfortune. To deserve every hitch in their path.

What she did to deserve losing her sparkmate.

Of course, it was unfair that she viewed it all with such limited vision. Improper, really, considering that her vision had always been her most pointed gift. But at the end of the day, it was difficult for her to see past the veneer of mourning she had veiling her. 

Never before would Airazor have believed that seeing Silverbolt and Blackarachnia could fill her frame with such jealousy. 

Why did they get to survive together, where she still did not know where her dearest Tigatron ended up? 

She had done something truly unfair that her spark was being eternally punished for, she was sure of it. 

Curled up into herself, still getting used to the transmetal body she had been molded into after their crash landing, Airazor was left to her usual queries. Where was Tigatron? Was his spark still beating? Was he where the other missing Maximals were? Was he missing her with the same amount of pain in his spark she felt? 

Would he still love her despite her feathers and softness being transformed to be more machine than beast? He had felt so strongly about the importance of Beastmodes and nature. 

Could he still see beauty in the way she was now?

Curling into herself tighter on her perch, Airazor hid her all-seeing optics into her knees and cycled them off tiredly. 

Her depression and anguish were beyond exhausting. 

But before she could fully get her rest, she heard the loud ad familiar approach of Optimus Primal. 

While she considered feigning recharge, Airazor knew that the only instinct in her that was still honed pointedly beyond longing for her spark-of-sparks, was her duties as a Maximal soldier. She looked up, optics cycling back on before she slowly got to her feet in her leader’s presence. 

“Hello, Sir,” she said with true lackluster. “Is there something you need me to do?” 

She hoped he would see her exhaustion and anguish and leave her be, leave her to mourn more. 

But again, Airazor proved to be eternally cursed.

"I know things are difficult for the Maximals right now,” he understated. “No more so than for you, I’m sure.”

Airazor lowered her head and squeezed her eyes closed. By the Pits, she loved Optimus like a father but he was increasingly bad at making her feel better in these most dire situations.

“But Transmutate is... crying,” Primal continued, and by the hesitation he gave and the expression he wore on his face, Airazor knew that he was not meaning any normal cry or anguish but the reverberating, dangerous sonics which Transmutate was capable of producing. “And the rest of our abilities to communicate with her are proving... woefully ineffective.”

Scowling slightly, Airazor looked meaningfully toward Optimus. “None of you have effectively communicated to Transmutate. None of you other than Silvebolt an myself have gotten to an understanding with her.”

He did not back down from her rebukes, accepting them all and standing his ground. Airazor found herself marveling at the mech she already respected so much. 

“You are right,” he said. “And that has been a mistake, a mistake that was excused repeatedly by myself and others as a less important issue to be addressed at later times that never came. We did not see the value of the effort and time which you and Silverbolt have managed.”

It was certainly a comment that took Airazor a moment to fully process. She lowered her head, somewhat bashfully. “That means a lot, Sir. Thank you.”

“I’m glad it does,” he explained. “Because I want you to take things to the next level and try to expand Transmutate’s capacity for communicating with the rest of our team -- her team. There are too few of us left now for us to not work to use what is best for each and every one of us.”

Confused, Airazor folded her arms. “I agree that it sounds like a good idea, sir, but... I’m curious about where exactly we are supposed to get there. Transmutate still has trouble communicating a lot of her feelings, and she’s very... kinetic in addressing people she’s comfortable with.” Subconsciously, Airazor reached for her wings, feeling the transmetal sleekness rather than the soft billows of feathers she loved. “She associates feathers with safety... acceptance. Love. And, unfortunately, on top of everything else we’ve lost, Silverbolt and I have lost the ability to give her that small comfort.”

Optimus Primal looked almost disappointed in her. “It’s not like you to give up so easily, Airazor.”

Airazor hugged herself. “Guess it was more than my feathers that changed after all of this, Big Bot,” she replied sadly. 

“All the same, you’re my mech for the job,” he assured her. “You’ve proven your relationship with Transmutate, you’ve proven your patience, and most importantly, you were the one that discovered that she prefers kinetic interactions.”

“Yes?” Airazor asked, tilting her helm. 

“So I think the logical step is for us all to facilitate her preference,” Optimus explained. “You should give her lessons in Chirolinguistics.”

At first, Airazor was just processing the suggestion, then her optics widened. “That’s... genius, Optimus! You’e wonderful for coming up with that! Thank you!”

“I probably would have been able to think of it sooner if I had been listening to you from the beginning, Airazor,” Optimus said humbly. “I trust you to take care of this.”

“Sir, yessir,” Airazor answered with a salute.

Chirolinguistics as at least as old, if not older, than spoken Cybertonian. It was meant to surpass dialects, class, and rankings. 

A language of intimacy, between friends and colleagues and more -- it was a language that was perfect for Transmutate. 

Transmutate, much like the rest of them, had received unexpected augmentation and upgrades when they transitioned from hyperspace and eventually crashed and lost much of their crew. Her body was more complete than it had been on the ancient earth, more coherent in its connections, though whether or not she had altmode this time around was still questionable.

Fortunately, she had much more dextrous hands than she had had while they had been on earth, and that was making the chirolinguistics lessons move along much better. 

“That’s right,” Airazor said warmly as Transmutate answered a question that had been asked in chirolinguistics. “You’re doing so well, Transmutate! Honestly I’m horrified we never considered this approach with you before.” She paused, a frown tugging at her face. “Well, I’m horrified that I never considered trying other ways to communicate with you before. I suppose I was... I was almost satisfied that you could talk to me, and I hadn’t made enough considerations for how you or the rest of the team were supposed to talk together.” She looked up sorrowfully at her friend. “I hope you can forgive me for being so shortsighted. I won’t let it happen again.”

In response, Transmutate smiled and ran a finger across Airazor’s knuckles. It was untranslatable to spoken language, but Airazor recognized it for its warmth and generosity. 

Forgiveness. 

“Alright then,” Airazor said, with a small, breathless laugh. “Let’s move on to the next lesson, alright? Now, this is a greeting -- the shorter it is the less intimate it is. A lot like most conversations in chirolinguistics. Dragging sensation and touch is a sign of familiarity, friendship. And the slower it is, the more you mean to convey the importance of the relationship to you.” She then made a quick few pecks of her fingers, fast and rapid, enough that it alarmed Transmutate and she pulled away. “Sorry, I was just hoping to show you what it feels like to go too fast -- that’s rude.”

Nodding in agreement, Transmutate looked far from pleased. “Rude,” she echoed. 

“For someone you think of as a deep, close friend, you use much longer strokes,” Airazor explained. “Like you and I, we’re each other’s best friends. We’re all each other has.” The entire time she was speaking, Airazor traced into Transmutate’s palms, running against the crevices, dragging into the curves and circling around her servos. “There are few people you would spend that much time speaking with, but I definitely think you and I qualify.”

“Oh,” Transmutate answered. She repeated the pattern but at first her movement was so slow, Airazor believed her to be hesitating. Transmutate drug her fingers, pressing deep and meaningfully into each stroke against Airazor’s palm. 

It was long, sensual, and by the end, the words took on a different meaning than what Airazor had written into Transmutate’s  palms. 

They were a confession, and Airazor felt her faceplate heat up. 

“T-Transmutate,” she said, flustered. When the other looked at her in slight concern, Airazor assured herself it was an error. That Transmutate’s speed was simply out of slowness to catch on. “It’s... I think you should practice that again.”

A knowing smile curved onto Transmutate’s face and she started to trace the words into Airazor’s palms once more. 

Somehow, Transmutate found a way to go slower. Airazor closed her eyes and allowed her breathing to match the sensual drag and drop of Transmutate’s words. She felt nothing but the chirolinguistics against her hands, slow and budding with tension. 

Before the final words could be spelled out, Airazor stopped Transmutate breathlessly, lacing their fingers together and squeezing Transmutate’s hands back. 

Her wings flailed behind her, fanning air her way as Airazor tilted her head forward, only for her forehead to be met with Transmutate’s. 

Airazor was so surprised, so speechless. 

Shaking her head, Airazor tried to look into Transmutate’s eyes but she couldn’t bring herself to part their foreheads. “Do you know what you meant when you did that?” she asked softly. 

Slowly, Transmutate spelled out yes into Airazor’s palms. 

Since losing Tigatron, since losing herself, Airazor had forgotten what it felt like to have such openly spoken love shown her way. She didn’t know how to feel, only how to spell it back into Transmutate’s hands.

They had loved and truly lost, but together, Airazor felt for the first time in her broken spark, they could maybe love again. 

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

We are at Sonic, 99 cent regular size burritos today-must mention ad, my older brother wanted chili cheese tots (i need onion and mustard on mine), pretzels, drink, my mom ordered my dad some things.

So Annabelle and i ordered. I smoked, she ate moz sticks. Ours was $7. We saved our burritos for home, hers was egg and cheese only. Mine sausage.

The rest of my sciatic nerve was killing me. Took me awhile to figure out what it was, i even asked last night some of the muscle trained peoples what they thought it was. So I just have a stem coming from the spine. A short, probably not a new nerve growth because (im not saying my doctor sucks because there's a method to the madness) i haven't had sciatic pain and i know for a fact as well as my currently recurred sinus pain is caused by situations i am in. Could be a new growth, idk but the doctor tests nerves and they're close together and we're not using florscopy to look in my body while holding something that can paralyze me for life. So better safe and repeat than sorry. Of course i could be wrong and a cyst is putting pressure on my motor nerve. Because the doctor tests as i said and I fall asleep or am in and out and when he tests the motor nerve it shakes my leg. And so i feel a similar pain as i do now. Except i hear the doctor when hes needling me and he says "thats not it" "nope" "i cant get it" "lets just move on for now" so i assume we have a sciatic branch under a motor nerve. This is why i trust my doctor. If you're curious, measure straight across from the tip of your ass crack to the middle of your butt cheek, the size of my hand from the crack. Then pivot your middle finger so its pointed down and i got a nice hunk of Matt handle fat and that whole palm are hurts but when on opiates/narcotics and CBD and muscle relaxer and neuropathic pain medication, it hurts straight across from my crack and doesn't radiate but comes in like a dagger on each literal heart beat.

So I'm feeling like shit. Exhausted. Emotionally, mentally, physically, my mom is pissed cause my dad wants a sausage,burrito and she wants me to get a BBLT which no one,wants cause that's all she buys. And shes starting her psycho drama bull shit. Which just ended in "you didn't give me money" and her well you had money to,get coffee at the gas station and my dad saying "shes not going to give you a real reason, shes going,to,say something you would,say because that's all you understand"

I never told her i would use my money although im the type to do so. I told her my brother gave me money, when she asked if i needed it before i left, cause she was working outside. My brother will give me $40 to buy food and he only get a $9 meal. But i had to use my own money. Cause it was $17.58 and i gave the girl a $1 tip.

The girl looked scared. I think it was the energy in the air. I was struggling to ignore it. I don't like guns. They make life unfair. If you walk up to me, i have a chance to make,a semi-plan. If i walk up to you, you have a chance to make a plan. With a gun, there's nothing. No chance to defend. Which is common sense. Unless God jams the gun. Inexperience is scariest cause then it increases the chance a misfire could occur. I guess that's why some of us like the dark. Mother Nature can be a safety shield. I do use her.

You have heard the beginning and the almost end of one story. What do you think has happened at Sonic to cause this eerieness???

Did I stand up in the sunroof waving my magic crystal wand?

Am I randomly attacking people with my new JLO purse by hitting people in the back of their heads for having their window open?

Did I go inside and take over the Mic to sing "Fuck tha Police"?

No.

So we sitting there just having ordered everyone else's food so it would be hot and fresh upon delivery.

And the Sentra of a century pulled in blaring his music about idk what. Annabelle and i made fun of him cause it sounded like he was singing about tater tots. Then later the song was about hot tamales. Swear.

So I'm still mostly sitting straight with my head back against the seat, eyes closed and smoking cause that doesn't hurt. (There is a sciatic position for sitting I learned at physical therapy) and i feel my kid dodge and say something.

Its literal too much pain to turn my neck but I do cause my kid is all "omg" and its not a good. I say "what?" "He has a gun!!!!"

I'm all no he,doesn't but my eyes flash up at him and I see him pull back as if hes just loaded or checking/playing while its empty.

I'm strongly feeling hes empty. Strongly. Yet I am extremely aware how vulnerable I am if hes not or has bullets within reach. My kid gets down lower than the window without me telling her to.

Fear is suffocating. I know my kid is startled like Hell. Idk if anyone else inside saw. The car hop is weary, yet i see that look often with just loud music -- because usually those people are disrespectful.

And IDK where he came from. So IDK if I'm,praying or being told the guy isn't there to harm,me.

Well I mean like if he is, what am i gonna do?

Besides all was in the air,was pure,fear.

Danger is something completely different feeling... You know when you watch a cat on tv stalk,a,prey and you get that warm dark comforting feeling? I didn't,have that.

It was pretty sunny, Philadelphia.

But I was annoyed cause my kid was startled and there was a little Mercedes skin between hers and his. Even if I know I'm safe. I don't trust that someone put bullet proof materials on my car before i got it.

So the kid refuses to look at me.

Finally we get our food and we can leave.

My kid feels free to laugh again. "He has an apple watch and an iphone 5"

Then the kid feels free to speak.... He was a messenger. I accept his message. And i thank him.

So i tell my dad and his answer is a double barrel shot gun.

God's is a German Shephard.

Denise's is a rottie.

How do i deal with those situations? Neither one of us are there. Thats what i express. Im not there, the gun isnt and whoever has the gun. Why? If they're planning on criminal behavior, then they feel safe to know im not,a,witness. Idc they rob someone or kill them. I dont want to be robbed nor killed. So they're on their own just as they were before I saw them.

If they are robbing, and its fast and easy ill,cheer them on. I honestly do not give a,fuck.

I'm,not about to be in some petty none sense drama that i wasnt in in the first place.

Oh yeah sure Sabrina but you're a key board warrior. Hell fuck yes i am. And bring your shit. Try me out. You're gonna get a hugely different response if you're all about me.

See the difference? Dont be about me and leave me alone. And i see nothing.

Unless i have to.

Cause we all know I'm a tattle tale.

So hopefully old boy knows where to pick up his tamales.

Cause I'm sure they will be just fine.

Also before this occurred.

I was analyzing the message of my, get this, sigh Attica.

Which was about the same person my gun totting friend was messaging about.

And unfortunately Mr I steal eggs and sperm to create white kids to abuse left his information about how to deal with criminals and their behavior.

Which unfortunately was mostly, just let them do it.

And so they are saying themselves they need to stop following that formula.

Now Mr Gun had the same answer but a different one than i was thinking (for once)

But his is best.... For my peace.

Of course live and let live, let people have a chance to grow has also been active.

For Denise it doesnt work.

So my choice is really none -- as I do not have to make that choice. I'm not going to do either one as i am not qualified to do either. However both as explained to me that i will remain unharmed (emotionally,mentally,physically--- 2 of which are about people i love being hurt as well) and so i accept either or both choices being carried out.

The,wind is nice and cooling,today. Pretty excited! :) kinda got,a little sandblast to the teeth BUT NOT my face.

So mother nature says mush!!!!