#why living is shitty like that? what's the point?
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Just Another Cliché
Summary: Rafe has been asking to take you out for years and you always shoot him down, after a particularly bad day, you decide things can't get much worse.
<<Here's some fluffy angst for those who need it>>
Shitty was an understatement for the day you had. This day will go down in history as the worst day any soul has ever lived through.
"Oh, you've got to be kidding me." The murmur is bitter on your tongue as you stuff your hands deeper into your warm pockets. The breath of your words were visible in the crisp winter air as you were about to pass by Rafe Cameron who waited patiently outside of your apartment building with a single rose just like he always did.
Since your senior year of high school, every year on the fourteenth of February, he would wait outside your complex, asking you out, then you say no, then he goes home. That's the tradition.
Well, technically you never said no. You'd always make up some excuse. 'I don't have time for a relationship right now' or 'Now's a bad time' are just a few of the examples you've used over the last five years.
It's not that there was anything wrong with him. You actually did find him attractive. Aside from the sketchy reputation he had going for him back in high school, he was still a relatively nice guy.
You just didn't have the time for a relationship, or at least you didn't before.
A small smile forms on his face as he sees you, already knowing what to expect. Another excuse like "Fine," yup, just as he thought- Wait.
"Say that again?" His head shakes in disbelief, blue eyes bulging slightly. Your shoulders shrug under your heavy-duty winter jacket. "My car was towed, then I lost my job, so why not lose my dignity too? Let's go out." You say and his heart begins to bounce off the confines of his ribs.
Not sure if it was the frosty air nipping at his cheeks or his lifetime wish finally unwrapping before his eyes, his cheeks flushed and he blinked a few times. "You won't regret this, I promise." he holds out the rose for you to take, and you finally do. For the first time in five years. You bite back a scoff, not in the mood for empty promises.
"Why haven't you given up yet?" You ask and now he places his hands in his pockets as a chilling breeze sweeps past you. He's rocking back on his heels slightly, "Life's too short to give up." The tiny smile on his face does make you scoff this time but he moves past it, "I'll text you later," is the last thing he says before he walks off.
You look down at the rose, then at his shrinking figure as he heads for the distance. A little pep in his step and you shook your head, immediately regretting your decision.
Great, this is exactly what you needed, another cliché.
-
Just another cliché is exactly what it was. On the lowest day of your life, you finally gave Rafe a chance. Of course, he changes your life in ways you couldn't imagine and leaves you with a dead weight of regret for not giving in sooner.
Your first date wasn't anything out of the ordinary, but it was fun. The two of you were inexperienced skaters failing to skate in the middle of the town square during the heart of winter. With festive lights outlining the rink where you laughed every time one of you fell.
There was even a point in time when you'd both embraced the cold connection with the ice floor and had a deep conversation on the sidelines, watching the other skaters circle the rink.
"Why me?" The question slips out before you can catch it and he licks his lips. He anticipated the query would arise eventually. "You remember that party Hailey Vanderbilt threw back in senior year?"
You hum with a nod, that was a party you'll never forget. Pool toys ended up in the trees, broken windows, jello in the hot tub, fights in the front yard and gambling in the back. "You and a few of the girls were playing truth or dare and they had dared you to start a rumour that I'd shaved my head because my family had joined some cult or some shit."
It took you a second, but the memory came back to you. "You don't know this, but I was fucking wasted behind the couch, but I'll never forget the way you stood up for me to them and refused to do it, and I dunno, I jus' think that was really cool of you." His head turns to you, his gaze softening when he looks at you.
At that moment, you felt the butterflies flap around in your stomach for the first time. He clears his throat, expression becoming more sombre as he continues. "My mom," He starts, taking a difficult swallow to get the words out.
"She was really sick. I got caught up with the wrong crowd to deal with it. Doing anything people said would get me distracted, even for a little, but she got worse and me being high every day didn't help so I quit. Her chemo was taking everything from her and eventually, she just shaved it off, she hated looking in the mirror and it killed me."
Your chest tightened at the story, having a sneaking suspicion of where this was going, "So when you shaved your head..." You trail off and Rafe nods along, turning away from you as a stray tear falls. "It was for her. You sticking up for me meant so much more than you know."
So there you both sat, on the ice with your backs against the wall in silence while the faint Christmas music chimed in the background. The date had taken a sad turn but you're glad it did, it sparked the beginning of your forever-evolving bond.
That was only the first date of many. Dozens and dozens of dates had flown past you and with each one you hated yourself a little more for letting him stand outside of your complex for five years rather than invite him inside.
"This is a nice place." He compliments as he takes a look around before settling himself on the couch with you beside him. "Thanks, it used to be a lot nicer when I could afford it. Had to sell some stuff to keep it after I lost my job."
He chuckles, "That explains why we're facing a blank wall and no television." and you pinch him. "Sacrifices had to be made. Who needs a TV anyways when there's so many other things we could do to keep ourselves busy." Your wandering hand gently runs down his firm thigh and you can feel the muscles in his leg tighten.
This was unchartered territory for you. You'd been dating for almost three months now and have never been intimate in that way, but Rafe knew the kind of person you were. A perfectionist, you need to be sure of everything before you try it.
Based on how fervently you were currently kissing along the length of his neck he could assume he had a pretty good idea of where your head was at. "Baby, baby--" He struggles to keep you at bay so he can lock eyes with you. "Are you sure about this? We don't have-" You silence him with the passionate attack of your lips against his.
Nearly tackling him onto his back, your hips straddling his as you demonstrated your certainty to him.
-
The months went on and sleepovers became more frequent. Even when Rafe had that tired look in his eye which was more often these days, you kept him up with your bright eyes and wide smile as you explained to him the newest conspiracy that intrigued you.
He tried his best to listen to what you were saying but he'd often lose himself in the labyrinth of his own mind. You were just so cute when you were talking about what you were passionate about. Especially when you wore the glasses you cursed so much, opting for contacts during the day.
"Why don't you wear your glasses more often?" He asks and you frown, "Rafee, did you hear anything I just said?" He nods, "Of course I did. I heard every last word.... up until about five minutes ago." You whine and he hugs you tight as an apology, placing a sweet kiss on your forehead.
You couldn't stay mad at him. That was proven time and time again when even your biggest fights would be resolved within 24 hours. Rafe insisted on talking things out, no matter how hurt the both of you may feel. He never wanted to go to sleep without making things right. "Life's too short," He would say.
You both had your shortcomings, but that goes without saying. Rafe was short-tempered and you were stubborn, a bad combination for an opinionated conversation. Things can quickly spiral out of control but when it came to apologies, Rafe outdid you every time. Flowers, or a small gift to show his feelings.
Even now, as Rafe leant against your kitchen island as you transferred the flowers he'd gifted you 'just because'. A weak smile graced his lips as he noted the way you did everything with such intensity, putting your all into everything you did.
Leaning forward onto his crossed forearms he watches you. "You're staring, babe." You say and he can only hum. "Can't help it. I like what I see," His words elicit a soft warmth to radiate in your chest.
"I love you, y'know that?" You're startled as you feel his arms wrapping around your waist from behind. "You tell me only every day, Rafe." He comes down to peck your cheek before you're rotating in his hold to face him. "But I love you too." You're unable to contain your smile as you say it.
It wasn't the first time but every time the words left your mouth, it gave you a little bubbly feeling. Security blossomed within you anytime your eyes grazed over his features.
"Let's go out tonight, yeah? Let's go dancing." Rafe declares without thinking and you laugh, tilting your head to look at the time over the stove. "It's almost midnight, nothing's open at this hour." You reason, but he doesn't back down.
Holding you by the hand, he twirls you. "Not a problem, we'll just do it here." That night your apartment was filled with laughter and soft jazz. Rafe hardly ever had this much energy so late but you loved it.
Two days after that night of dancing, you woke up to an eerie silence that felt too heavy for the morning. You went about your routine, still buoyed by the memory of Rafe's laughter filling your apartment. You checked your phone—just the usual notifications, a missed call from an unknown number, and a message from Sarah that simply said, "Call me."
You barely had time to press dial before she picked up, her voice trembling. She tried to speak, but only the sound of soft, choked sobs came through. Finally, she managed, "I’m so sorry…"
The words hit you, but you didn’t understand them. You wanted her to stop, to say something else—anything else. She kept speaking, her words blurred and distant, as though you were underwater, drowning. Somewhere in her explanation, you heard the words, "peacefully… in his sleep." But it didn’t feel peaceful. Your mind raced, demanding answers. Why hadn’t he told you? How long had he known?
Over the days that followed, Rafe's family gently filled in the pieces: he’d been sick for years, silently enduring, doing everything he could to hide it. Every date, every moment spent laughing with you, was a deliberate choice he made to live his last days fully, in love and joy, with you.
He hadn’t wanted you to know because he couldn't bear to see you suffer for him the same way he was once familiar with in his senior year. Even in the end, he kept the truth locked away, shielding you from the loss he knew was coming.
The weight of his choice tore you apart. You wanted to be angry, to hate him for leaving you out, but in his silence, there was also a strange kind of love. A love that had given you a few precious, unburdened moments together. Still, the pain settled deep within you, refusing to ease.
The anger, hurt, and ache became constant companions in the days that followed. But in his absence, you began to understand just how much he’d given for you.
He'd shared with you how hard it was for him to deal with that eerie state of loss. The stage where the person isn't gone but you know you'll lose them. It alters you in a messed up kind of way and he wanted you as far from that reality as possible. He was protecting you from his own condition till the very end.
Helping his family to clear out his apartment was easily the hardest thing you'd ever done. You couldn't do it without tearing up with every belonging of his you touched.
His favourite hoodie that he never let you wear but loved when you did. The polaroids in his drawer that you took from your first date, taken from the floor of the ice rink.
You noticed he'd scribbled writing on the back of the photo.
She finally said yes.
That was all it took. The last bits of your composure were stolen from you and you wept on his bedroom floor. Everyone always told you it would get easier but it never did. How could things get easier when the other half of your heart was buried six feet below the ground?
You learned to live with the loss, forcing a smile when in the company of others and taking deep breaths every morning when you woke up. Mildly disappointed the realm beyond the living hadn't reaped you during your slumber.
Very slowly, you begin to adjust to this new reality. It’s not the life you imagined, but you learn to live with the loss, carrying him with you in the smallest, most tender ways. His favourite hoodie becomes your comfort on cold nights, wrapping you in his memory and his scent.
Just because he was gone doesn't mean you'd end all of your traditions. Each year on the fourteenth of February, you visit his grave, placing a single red rose on the stone as a quiet tribute.
Though the ache remains, you hold his spirit close, carrying him forward into every milestone and memory yet to come, honouring the love you shared while finding the strength to continue onward.
In some ways, your love story turned out to be just another cliché—until it ripped your heart out from your chest, leaving you with the unbearable ache of everything he left unsaid, every unfulfilled promise, and the haunting silence of a future that will always belong to him.
Somehow, even in the quietest, most heart-wrenching moments, you never gave up on finding the silver lining, because life’s too short.
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#rafe x you#rafe cameron smut#rafe drabble#outer banks smut#rafe obx#outer banks imagines#rafe smut#rafe cameron blurb#rafe x reader#rafe cameron x female reader#rafe cameron x you#rafe blurb#rafe cameron imagine#rafe fic#rafe cameron fanfiction#bsf!rafe#rafe cameron drabble#rafe outer banks#rafe cameron fic#drew starkey smut#drew starkey#obx fic#outer banks#outerbanks rafe#obx#rafe cameron angst#light angst#obx angst
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this is my tips to slander the suggestion about the prediction if i was an astrologer:
i can do what i like but it's not even there to see as if you already know his chart in real life
like you can tell on his moon that you're there anyway (libra moons have it too damn hard these days)
2. sexless opinions about his life with sarah could also indicate he's not even remotely single at all or by any means 'how can a fan get to him' energy
3. he doesn't care or know you exist (which is why i reblogged you cuz i liked your opinion)
this is how a muslim would do it
5:19 يَـٰٓأَهْلَ ٱلْكِتَـٰبِ قَدْ جَآءَكُمْ رَسُولُنَا يُبَيِّنُ لَكُمْ عَلَىٰ فَ��ْرَةٍۢ مِّنَ ٱلرّ��سُلِ أَن تَقُولُوا۟ مَا جَآءَنَا مِنۢ بَشِيرٍۢ وَلَا نَذِيرٍۢ ۖ فَقَدْ جَآءَكُم بَشِيرٌۭ وَنَذِيرٌۭ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَىْءٍۢ قَدِيرٌۭ ١٩
O People of the Book! Our Messenger has indeed come to you, making things clear to you after an interval between the messengers so you do not say, “There has never come to us a deliverer of good news or a warner.” Now there has come to you a deliverer of good news and a warner. And Allah is Most Capable of everything. — Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran
schizophrenia madonna's whore complex: (why you hate life and all it's purposes: why you suck at breathing is everybody else but you (personal problem against a God named 'Allah')
SMWC: this does not like me by thought (astrology) and i hate how i'm perceived by height (weird ways of being you cuz i have a dramatic monologue about life given to me by standards: shitty celebrities don't personally respond to you like a fckin call centre wonder why they are famous which is why they (i) lost the point in being myself) like i know why now
schizophrenia Hollywood: (i really hate to be there cuz i vibe all the time (cant help being this good to live, yk)
SH: i started living again with this (said gender) i love, and i really really like him (i got a crush on him too badly that i cannot speak (me 99.9% of the time and i dunno how to ask but i know i have a choice (rlly my faves an me don't understand cuz all my feels are real, yk?)
schizophrenia hate: the fckin episode of doctor who convinced me to fuck david tennant on the go but he ain't even real anymore (hence why my stress does not collaborate with band energy which is why i put a Urie there and not Tennant cuz his thwarts are my cohorts in demonic practices in space and time made me thinking about good luck charlie for many reasons now, like get me my own sex scene, i hate Hollywood for misunderstanding me (actually a fan of Raven (DC comics)
SH8: i wonder how Brendon Urie is sexually thinking about me atm
My bold prediction is that Brendon Urie is going to leave the public eye for a year, maybe two years max and then attempt to make a comeback with his new "wife guy" persona.
My second prediction is that this will blow up in his face within six months
#this is how you read the qur'an in modern times#not even shitty monolingo can adapt to my awesomeness#shada language project is a massive get go to a Urie making a baby with a honey homely like i am#your advice#not mine
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I'm probably going to piss some people off with this, but.
The use of AI and machine learning for harmful purposes is absolutely unacceptable.
But that isn't an innate part of what it does.
Apps or sites using AI to generate playlists or reading lists or a list of recipes based on a prompt you enter: absolutely fantastic, super helpful, so many new things to enjoy, takes jobs from no-one.
Apps or sites that use a biased algorithm (which is AI) which is not controllable by users or able to be turned off by them, to push some content and suppress others to maximize engagement and create compulsive behavior in users: unethical, bad, capitalism issue, human issue.
People employing genAI to create images for personal, non-profit use and amusement who would not have paid someone for the same service: neutral, (potential copyright and ethics issue if used for profit, which would be a human issue).
People incorporating genAI as part of their artistic process, where the medium of genAI is itself is a deliberate part of the artist's technique: valid, interesting.
Companies employing genAI to do the work of a graphic designer, and websites using genAI to replace the cost of stock photos: bad, shitty, no, capitalist and ethical human issue.
People attacking small artists who use it with death threats and unbelievable vitriol: bad, don't do that.
AI used for spell check and grammar assistance: really great.
AI employed by eBay sellers to cut down on the time it takes to make listings: good, very helpful, but might be a bad idea as it does make mistakes and that can cost them money, which would be a technical issue.
AI used to generate fake product photos: deceptive, lazy, bad, human ethical issue.
AI used to identify plagiarism: neutral; could be really helpful but the parameters are defined by unrealistic standards and not interrogated by those who employ it. Human ethical issue.
AI used to analyze data and draw up complex models allowing detection of things like cancer cells: good; humans doing this work take much longer, this gives results much faster and allows faster intervention, saving lives.
AI used to audit medical or criminal records and gatekeep coverage or profile people: straight-up evil. Societal issue, human ethical issue.
AI used to organize and classify your photos so you don't have to spend all that time doing it: helpful, good.
AI used to profile people or surveil people: bad and wrong. Societal issue, human issue, ethical issue.
I'm not going to cover the astonishingly bad misinformation that has been thrown out there about genAI, or break down thought distortions, or go into the dark side of copyright law, or dive into exactly how it uses the data it is fed to produce a result, or explain how it does have many valid uses in the arts if you have any imagination and curiosity, and I'm not holding anyone's hand and trying to walk them out of all the ableism and regurgitated capitalist arguments and the glorification of labor and suffering.
I just want to point out: you use machine learning (AI) all the time, you benefit from it all the time. You could probably identify many more examples that you use every day. Knee-jerk panicked hate reflects ignorance, not sound principles.
You don't have beef with AI, you have beef with human beings, how they train it, and how they use it. You have beef with capitalism and thoughtlessness. And so do I. I will ruthlessly mock or decry misuse or bad use of it. But there is literally nothing inherently bad in the technology.
I am aware of and hate its misuse just as much as you do. Possibly more, considering that I am aware of some pretty heinous ways it's being used that a lot of people are not. (APPRISS, which is with zero competition for the title the most evil use of machine learning I have ever seen, and which is probably being used on you right now.)
You need to stop and actually think about why people do bad things with it instead of falling for the red herring and going after the technology (as well as the weakest human target you can find) every time you see those two letters together.
You cannot protect yourself and other people against its misuse if you cannot separate that misuse against its neutral or helpful uses, or if you cannot even identify what AI and machine learning are.
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I do want to play devil's advocate here before I say my piece:
The problem people have with Yang in V9 isn't so much 'Yang must wait on Ruby hand and foot' but 'Ruby was clearly having issues but something something Bumbleby.' That it's so clear that Ruby is having issues but Yang isn't giving her attention, rather focusing on Blake.
... This is completely stupid.
Because- Yang DID try to help Ruby.
Yang: Hey, are you alright? Ruby: She attacked me when we were falling.
Multiple times.
Ruby, still looking down at Penny's sword in her hands, takes a seat next to Blake. Her teammates look at her in concern. Yang: Ruby? Ruby: I couldn't explain why, but I... I was drawn to it.
Ruby: (angrily) What good is saving anybody if Salem just destroys the world anyway... Yang places her arms on her sister's shoulder and leans in. Yang: That's how Ironwood thought... you don't mean that.
Yang tried reaching out to Ruby and has noticed when Ruby is acting unusually dour. However, not only are they trying to march forward for the sake of their world-
Not once did Ruby ever reach out to Yang. Not once did Ruby try to communicate her feelings to ANYONE, let alone Yang. Hell, the first time, where Yang tried gauging Ruby's state, she ignored her sister. I get that family members should try and pick up on these things but...what can Yang honestly DO in this situation? Ruby's way too stubborn to actually talk to Yang if her sister tried, say, forcing Ruby. And Ruby never tries reaching out so we know she wouldn't be receptive if Yang tried the gentle approach.
In fact, we have more than Ruby to prove that. Remember when Yang, Ruby's sister and parental figure, fell into her own depressive state back in Volume 4? Where Tai, their father, tried the gentle approach with her replacement arm and she turned it down, where she only got better because Tai tried being more upfront and had the support of her former teachers? Where Tai himself fell into a depressive state when Summer died, enough for Yang to step up until presumably some trigger made him shape up? Or Qrow, their uncle and Ruby's mentor, fell into a downward spiral and refused any help until Ruby kick him verbally? It's almost like this family has a history of being stubborn even when they know they're in a bad place and need some kind of trigger to force them out of it.
I know this for a fact because I myself lived through it. I've thought about offing myself a few times and I fall easily into ruts. It was only with the help of my stepdad pushing me into getting a job that things got better for me. I've been through Yang and Ruby's cases so I know that bot Tai and Yang did the best they could. That at some point, it was Yang and Ruby's fault. An understandable fault but theirs none the less. And only they could drag themselves out of it.
P.S. Nobody called Ruby a shitty sister for leaving for Mantle while Yang was still in her state.
Doing another RWBY hatedom rant because people seemed to like the last one and I have more to say:
I absolutely despise it when people call Yang selfish and a terrible sister in Volume 9 when it came to Ruby’s struggles with her mental health. I have two main issues.
1. People seem to think that because Yang is Ruby’s big sister then she needs to always be at her beck and call. She can’t disagree with Ruby. She can’t let Ruby do things on her own. She can’t focus on herself or her happiness. She must always be focusing on Ruby. That’s not how relationships, especially sibling ones, work. People seem to think that Yang must sacrifice everything for Ruby and if she is anything less than that then she is a terrible sister. Do people forget how much Yang had given up for Ruby?! She raised her! She sacrificed her life for her! As soon as she was ready to went to go find Ruby in Volume 5 instead of her mom, which she had wanted to do for most of her life! I fully believe that if Raven didn’t have her portal semblance, which made finding/getting to Ruby MUCH easier, Yang would not have bothered. Yang loves her sister so much! But just because she’s a big sister does not mean that she isn’t allowed to struggle or focus on herself.
2. Here’s the big reason. As someone who has had to deal with a VERY similar experience in my life it absolutely infuriates me when people call Yang a terrible person and sister. I won’t go into too much detail because it’s not my place and I’d rather keep the information private but a couple years ago my sister hit a very low point mentally and it got very scary. (She’s doing much better now don’t worry). Here’s something that most people don’t realize when someone very close to you is going through something like Ruby did: You don’t tend to realize how bad it is. I knew that my sister had her struggles, but I genuinely thought she was doing alright. Afterwards I felt like such a terrible person because I wished that I noticed more and wished she had told me what was going on. This is exactly how Yang felt! She knew her sister was struggling, but didn’t realize just how bad Ruby’s mental state had gotten. She would try to comfort Ruby, not realizing that it was making it worse. She wished that Ruby had told her so that she could help her. It’s a really shitty situation to be in. This is on top of the fact that all of team RWBY were in a very stressful situation after having witnessed the fall of Atlas. I don’t think any of them were in great headspace’s, Ruby was just in a much worse place.
Honestly the entirety of Volume 9, in my opinion, was very realistic in its portrayal of mental health issues both as the person struggling with it and as the people around them. These situations are messy, complicated, and are never straightforward. Trying to treat it as anything else really shows that people don’t know what they’re talk about.
Yang is a good sister. She’s not perfect, but guess what? No one is! Remember we as an audience know so much more than the characters do. Just because characters don’t handle a situation perfectly doesn’t mean they’re garbage.
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I think my biggest gripe with this fandom is that so much is taken in bad faith. You like bucktommy? You’re obviously racist. You like buddie? You obviously hate queer men. You want more mlm representation? You’re being dismissive of the black lesbians on the show. You bring up said black lesbians even once to point out that the show has always had a queer presence? You’re using tokenism to distract from the argument that representation on the show could be better.
Like, yes, people can be assholes sometimes, but sometimes it’s also not that deep. I wish people would just lighten up a little.
Yes. This is not strictly a fandom problem, though it's easier to see (and be exhausted by it) in such a microcosmic space. This is a societal problem and reflects the way that, on average, we have lost faith and trust in our fellow human beings. For whatever reason, we live in a society where we always expect the worst of each other. That's very sad, and it's certainly not a fulfilling way to engage with and navigate life. That's why, even if someone is being shitty to me, I try to at least ask why they feel the way they feel. Taking steps to understand each other, to break past that barrier of bad faith, is one of the easiest ways to heal and repair the social trust that has been broken. At least, that's what I think.
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Buck has spent the past 8 years acting like sex is taboo and wrong for him, specifically because he was Buck 1.0
In season 2, he apologizes to Taylor because he "isn't that guy anymore" after Taylor comes onto him. He has had shitty relationship after shitty relationship because he is looking for an answer in these people that he is simply never going to find in them.
I saw a post sometime ago about how Buck looks to other people to ask for reassurance in his own feelings. "Am I lonely?" "Am I at peace?" "How do you know?"
But he does this in other ways, too. He told Tommy that he feels comfortable in his own skin Because Tommy is comfortable with who Tommy is. That's just another way for Buck to find validation in what he feels.
That's why Tommy broke up with him. You can accuse Tommy of a lot of things, but he is at least self-aware. He hears Buck ask him to move in, not because Buck loves him and wants him around but because he makes Buck "comfortable," and personally, no one deserves to be kept around as a validation device.
That's what makes Tommy say Buck will break his heart. That's why Tommy leaves. It's parallel to Buck asking Taylor to move in with him. Except Tommy is older and listening to what Buck is saying.
Buck told Taylor "I thought I could learn to live with it."
and he told Josh, "I could see a future with him."
And that's where some of you got lost. He doesn't see a future with Tommy, but he thinks he could—hypothetically—because Buck wants a future with someone.
Taylor Kelly and Tommy Kinard have the same blueprint relationship with Buck. Kelly is her middle name. He was engaged to Abby. Things Buck finds out way too late into the relationship because he goes with the flow and doesn't talk to the people he dates.
Which brings me back to #LetBuckFuck. Now, sex is morally neutral. Having sex with 100 people doesn't make you a degenerate, and only having had sex with one person doesn't make you a saint. Also, neither means you have a healthy relationship with sex.
Bobby made a point to Buck that a bunch of random hook-ups wouldn't fill the whole Buck feels in his chest, and Buck internalized that to mean if he didn't have a hook-up at all, he would eventually find the thing that did fill that hole. Which theoretically could work.
Except Buck missed the part where the reason why hook-ups don't fill the hole isn't that hook-ups are bad. It is that the hole has to be filled from the things within.
The sex had nothing to do with it. Now, it's been 8 years and 5 failed relationships later and Buck is still working under a false presumption.
Some people found Oliver's call for Buck to fuck to mean he wants Buck to regress. But failed to see that Buck is actually still a stupid lil punk putting whatever fits into the square hole.
Let Buck Fuck. Let Buck realize his worth isn't in other people. Let Buck realize he can have sex, and his worth isn't tied to it AT ALL.
Stop being like Buck. Stop letting Buck's relationships define him.
#911 abc#evan buckley#evan buck buckely#character study#character analysis#LetBuckFuck#Bucktommy mentioned#bucktommy breakup#tommy kinnard#911 show#911 season 8#911 on abc#bisexualBuck#hamsterwheel#Tagging this with Buddie so the people who have the tag blocked won't see it and come for me#NotDiscourse#buddie
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every morning after wake up i feel so sick at in my heart
#its like eating rotten fruit#i hate this feeling#and it never goes away#the only thing gives me peace is dreaming disappear#why living is shitty like that? what's the point?#and when will i be okay? do i have to be grateful for not bad too much? is life this about?#i really dont know#i hate this rotten fruit#i feel sick i will throw up
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What is the PR disaster in question that made Rick announce TSATS? I wasn’t active in the online fandom at that point
Of course! This was awhile ago so it figures people don't remember it/aren't familiar:
Basically a couple years back (2020) the fandom had some posts circulate discussing the ways different characters in the Riordanverse were written poorly or offensively. There was a masterpost that went around tumblr but the two major points people were particularly focusing on were Piper and Samirah (particularly because Piper had featured prominently again in Trials of Apollo recently and the third MCGA book had further emphasized and discussed Samirah being Muslim, since it was supposed to take place during Ramadan). Basically each had multiple posts breaking down the ways they were depicted incorrectly or offensively. The entire fandom for a little bit was VERY intensely discussing this (and it's around this time the "RR crit" tag got very popularized on tumblr - it did exist before, but suddenly was being used VERY frequently - cause it was that wide-spread - though the discussion took over basically every side of Riordaverse social media on different platforms). People really wanted Rick to respond to these criticisms, so he did!
He made two blog posts, one about Piper and one about Samirah. He has since deleted both so the links are to archived versions. The short version: he essentially tried to justify his poor research and double-down that he hadn't written them offensively, actually, people were just being mean to him. The fandom, of course, reacted poorly to this.
[Further elaborated events under the cut since this got a bit lengthy]
(Fun fact, this all happened within a month or so of the time i posted an open letter on aphobic tropes in the Riordanverse that Rick replied to, and then he immediately followed with announcing that Reyna was intended to be ace-coded [which cause a LOT of fandom debate] before Rick dipped for a couple of weeks, and then came back to post the blog posts in response to Piper and Sam stuff. So I like to jokingly refer to this as "The time I imploded the fandom/drove Rick off of twitter." Twas I that set the house ablaze.)
Rick fully left social media after this and the LT Musical social media manager became Rick's social media manager for the time being.
So this all happened June/July of 2020. Tower of Nero would end up being published in October of 2020 and a few months after that Rick would state that he was done with the series and wouldn't be writing any more series installments involving Percy, and also that he wouldn't be writing a Nico quest following Tower of Nero as it "wasn't his place to" and encouraged the community to write their own versions of Nico's story.
The community continued to circulate the tumblr posts and discuss the topics of Rick's offensive character depictions, and this is also where we see the dramatic shift in how the fandom depicts Piper in fanwork (though in most cases it is admittedly not an improvement 😬) because of all this discussion. This is also around the time when the fandom brought Viria under scrutiny claiming that she was whitewashing Piper as part of the same discussions, through the justification that she was drawing Annabeth as having tan skin (which she does canonically), and if Annabeth has tanner skin then Piper then that's whitewashing Piper? Except they were using completely separate images of not fully rendered Piper art versus Annabeth in dramatic lighting, so it's all very awkward and poor logic, and did actually get kind of racist. A lot of people were calling it "Tannabeth Blackchase" (yeah, i know) or similar and a common sentiment you'd see repeated is "Don't draw Annabeth as having darker skin than Piper, because that's offensive/racist/whitewashing." (Note: it was not phrased "don't draw Piper as having lighter skin than Annabeth" - we also won't get into certain offensive depictions of Native Americans, but I digress). But yeah, the Annabeth stuff in all that did not age well at all.
Anyways, in October of 2021 however Rick would announce that he was co-writing The Sun And The Star - with a lot of heavy emphasis on how Mark Oshiro works as a sensitivity reader, and some false advertising from the official social media that Mark Oshiro was the first time a non-Riordan author would be collaborating on the series (disregarding the ghostwriters completely). One of the big criticisms in the breaking down of issues in Rick's writing was his lack of ever seeking a sensitivity reader, and fans claiming that a sensitivity reader could solve a lot of the problems. This was basically Rick's "look! I totally listened!!!!" (though it did little to actually improve things, based on the book) and in TSATS as well Piper gets a large cameo at the end where the text very directly addresses a lot of points made in criticism of Rick's writing of her.
We also then of course got the CoTG trilogy later, explicitly stated to be for advertising purposes for the show.
So basically, short version: Rick came under scrutiny for a lot of offensive writing within the span of two months, made some bad blog posts doubling down about it, left social media. TOA ends. Rick says he wasn't going to continue the series/write what would become TSATS. Community celebrates the end of of the franchise but also continues to discuss Rick's poor writing and the blog posts at length. Rick suddenly announces TSATS and Mark Oshiro's involvement. Everybody gets distracted from being mad. Show announcement stuff also happens and the discussions peter out.
#pjo#riordanverse#fandom history#rick riordan#rr crit#ask#boywithskull#anonymous#long post //#fun times fun times#im always amused by the bit where i come in. like oh yeah i played a major part in the middle of all of this#i didnt mean to but i was the beginning of the end#maybe thats why this book is my personal hell. its in direct retribution#its really weird though because Rick did not usually reply to people on twitter but he responded to my open letter WITHIN HALF AN HOUR#within half an hour of me posting it he replied and then rapid-fire replied to like two or three other random tweet questions#at which point he confirmed he wrote Reyna with her being alloromantic ace-coded in mind (''but you dont have to agree'')#(i should note also - rick's reply plus the ensuing tweets HEAVILY implies he did NOT actually read my open letter. lmao.)#dipped off twitter for a couple of weeks. came back to post his blog posts responding to criticism about Piper and Sam#and then left social media completely. people kept talking. oh look new book pspspsp. look show pspspsp.#but so. yknow. i did that. it was ME!!!!!! and i will never let him forget. i know what he did.#i will never let him live down shitty PR move to try and sweep those bad blog posts under the rug
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Honestly, I do think it's kind of funny when cis people talk about how Big Trans is forcing them to date, bed, or be friends with trans people because, truly, most of us wouldn't have wanted to be around them, anyway.
If you don't want to be seen as transphobic, there are ways to state your desires without being seen as transphobic. However, you can't have it both ways: treating trans people as second-class people while also not being seen as a bigot while doing so. You need to make your peace with that if you are going to go about this in a transphobic way.
#ally advice#lgbt#lgbtq#transphobia#transphobia tw#like i get how complex the conversation can be for some people...#...but sometimes i wonder if it's a matter of the conversation being complex...#...or because people want so desperately to be bigoted without being treated any worse because of it...#...in short they don't want to be reminded about how shitty it is to treat PEOPLE like things or like parasites...#...because then you have two options...#...option one is to embrace that bigotry openly no matter the cost...#...and option two would be to actually reflect on WHY it is that bigotry - and specifically their - bigotry is wrong actually#like whenever i have talked to other trans people about this we ruminate and laugh about our own experiences with it because it's ridiculou#and it just seems like the Cis Gaze into transness and what they assume it looks like.#i don't have a better word besides cis gaze because it objectifies mystifises and seperates the trans experience from Everybody Else#anyway it is sometimes amusing to see but it is ultimately not trans people's fault if you aren't ~into~ us to any capacity#so i am critical of the idea that trans people need to Remeber How Hated We Are to the point of our own detriment#anyway we will simply move on without you and we will yet live (and ball all the while)
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re: last post: i think some of you are conflating correlation with causation tbh. like there’s a lot of neurodivergent gifted kids but gifted kids are not inherently neurodivergent, its a different phenomenon
#tbh its giving ‘’autism is NOT a disability and youre ableist to autistics if you say that’’#or like. idk i notice that a lot of nd people that are low needs are pretty shitty to nd people who have high needs#like as if to go ‘’oh THOSE people dont REPRESENT the community. we’re the REAL community because we can talk normal hehe <3’’#and i dont think thats what those people specifically are doing but idk#echoed voice#the most bizarre interactions ive had are when i mention the ableism around autism#and people go ‘’???? why on EARTH would anyone hate an autistic person? theyre so smart! id love to hang with one!’’#and im like oh you do not live on the same plane of existence as me wtf#bonus points: later that same person interacts with an autistic person and freaks out and gets pissed off#so trying to go ‘’oh Being Smart counts as being neurodivergent!’’ sets off red flags to me#bc my automatic question is just. ok how do you act around nd people that you deem ‘’stupid’’
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tfw you haven't been here in months(?) and you don't know how anything works anymore and who's still here
I am still in this world, by the way
#I never got around to those notifications though#I've been trying to respond to an irl friend for a month or so#it's been hard#everything's been hard#even though it's not that hard???#what's up with that?#I've been through MUCH worse#and yet just living the mundane life is somehow more difficult sometimes?#being focused on surviving means there's lots happening at every given moment#DID I JUST TRIGGER MYSELF#goddamnit just tryin' to make a shitty social media post but nooooo have to think about tRAumAAAA because god forbid ; uiRLWERLCGWEQARULCKG#3VUYDRAERCQ EH#congrats you just played yourself#oversharing on the Internet is cooooooooooool and hiiiiiiip and I'm totally doing well and totally not --- why am I even writing this#what's the point#is this like an online diary where I have to care that I worry that I might be annoying off-putting dumb-sounding and unlikeable and#the online society will reject me like my mom and my peers and myself?#anyway here's wonderwall
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very sad this morning seeing Ryan and Shane leaving youtube to start yet another exclusive subscription service :/
#this is a monumentally shitty idea#then entire comment section is UNIFIED ive never seen that before akfjsks#i had to say that early accessing like cc makers do here would have been way better#but now at this point the damage is done and a lot of people feel disappointed that they seem to care more about the money#and honestly i dont think they produce enough content to justify a whole new service#i love the mcelroys way more and what they do is so much better#youtube already has a built in tier sevice why cant they just do that???#anyway i have so many thoughts on this#i honestly watched ryan and shane way more than when they were on buzzfeed#i watched for their dynamic and how fucking funny they are together not for the quality of the shows#so many people do not understand that people watch them for them not for high value production is#first matpat then jacksepticeye soon and now this :/#im DREADING the day gab smolders inevitability retires because shes my comfort youtuber she and her content has gotten me#through some of my worst moments#ill shut up now#someone tell me how many dislikes their announcement has on yt im so curious akfkska#oh also and its like dont they get their fanbase is mostly young people who probably cant afford another streaming service#on top of bills and the cost of living now??
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Something else that makes me sympathetic to Pharma's situation is like. Idk if there's an actual term for this or if someone smarter and more academic wrote it about some real life context that actually matters.
But, so we've already established among Pharma stans that the circumstances at Delphi were blackmail/torture with no real way out that wouldn't involve Pharma being responsible for people getting killed (either killing patients for the deal or having everyone die bc he failed his end of the deal).
And I feel like while "he's still in the wrong because he killed people" is part of it, another sort of implicit part is the idea that Pharma should've been willing to take more personal risk, maybe even risk dying? I mean, Ratchet does ask "why didn't you just detonate it near the DJD" (to which Pharma responds that he did try to get Sonic and Boom to do it, but they refused) so like
Idk I feel like we do have this social notion of martyrs as a very romantic ideal, people you can praise for being so brave and strong and righteous that they ended their own lives for their cause, while you can also coo about how sad and tragic it is that dying is what it took for them to do the right thing. But at the same time I feel like in reality, having an expectation that people become martyrs is kind of a toxic social norm bc like. It's very easy to demand that others sacrifice their lives for some Ultimate Moral Good when you yourself aren't experiencing the same hardships as they are. And ultimately it is kind of fucked up to tell someone "the moral thing you should've done was risk your life/kill yourself" because asking someone to pay their life to do the right thing is no small request. And sure, the typical response would be to call them a "coward" for caring more about saving their own skin instead of doing the right thing... but again, death is a really scary thing and self-preservation is a really strong instinct, so it kind of feels like having this binary view of "you're either a Brave Hero who sacrifices your life for everyone else or a Dirty Coward who's too scared of dying to do what's right" is kind of fucked up?
I guess the best way to describe it is that if someone willingly gives up their life as a sacrifice to others, it can be a noble thing because it's a choice they made willingly, but if it becomes a Moral Standard that in order to be a Good Person you have to be unafraid of throwing your life away and if you aren't willing to die you're a Cowardly Bad Person, that's when it becomes toxic.
Idk, I guess how this ties back to Pharma is that he was never in a position where he expected to make these kinds of moral decisions/ultimatums. He's a doctor who doesn't even get into combat, his job is to heal and not to kill, he's behind the front lines in a hospital that's supposed to be a safe, neutral place for him to heal people. So in the face of suddenly having a "murder people on behalf of me, or I murder everyone you swore to protect" ultimatum thrust upon him, I understand why Pharma wasn't """"""""""brave enough"""""""""" to "do the right thing" (whatever that would've been in the case of Delphi). You could argue that maybe a frontliner soldier accepted the burden of possibly dying for their cause and they've become used to it as someone who lives that reality every single day, but I feel like for Pharma, who's a doctor and a protected non-combatant (from what we can tell), that sort of risking of his life/living with the fact his life could be snuffed out any day isn't something he would've been prepared for at all.
And for me personally, from an outsider's perspective, it strikes me as kind of unethical to go "oh well he should've just detonated the bomb himself even if it killed him" bc again, there's a difference between witnessing a moral conundrum as a bystander versus being the person living with it and being under time pressure where it's do-or-die. Just as part of my personal standards, I feel like death is such a huge consequence/burden of someone's actions (literally you are no longer alive, any potential you had left is cut short, you cease to exist on this plane) that it feels rather callous to go "Well you should've just been willing to die for your beliefs if you really cared that much!!!"
#squiggposting#pharma apologism#this is only like tangentially related to pharma honestly#not to compare blorbos to real life but like. it reminds me of this phenomenon where privileged ppl in privileged countries#will tell ppl living in zones of war and strife 'oh well if you don't like your gov so bad just revolt against them'#like oh yes tell me how easy it is to stand up against the threats of torture and death#surely the only reason people would want to avoid that is bc they're cowards or don't want to stand up for their beliefs#contrary to what nationalism would have ppl believe. 'wanting to not die' isn't a moral position#everyone wants to live. no one wants to die. it doesnt make you a bad person to be scared of dying#esp (going back to blorbo's) in a situation like pharma's where every option he had ended in death#the death of his patients or the death of everyone at delphi or his death personally#on top of the fact he's a noncombatant who hasn't been desensitized to violence/risking his own life#and is dealing with a trained group of killers that he can't possibly match on physical terms#so yeah actually i don't blame pharma for what he did#he made shitty decisions in a shitty situation but was ultimately a victim#also if you want to view the blackmail deal from a framework of abuse#it is also fucked up to basically tell someone they werent brave enough to just kill their accuser or ask for help#isnt the entire point of such situations that the victim is both powerless to stop the abuse#and too afraid of asking for help/thinks they cant ask for help. and thats why they dont just get out#idk sometimes the best moral judgement is to forgive someone or view it as 'complicated'#sometimes regardless of the good or evilness of their actions the best choice is to not make a judgement#or to err in favor of a forgiving/'i cant speak for your experience' judgement#anyways the fact is that the rosy fantasy of being a brave noble soldier who sacrifices for the cause#rarely stands up to reality where youre just terrified and powerless and dont know what to do#and suddenly the rosy glow of The Noble Cause isnt comforting in the prospect of horrible torturous death
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who knew that some agere people would be the worst type of people to exist (talking about you spinny)
#dont get your toddler army to do your anon hate and unblock me on discord if u want to talk#ik you act like a baby and thats fine but if youre bold enough to try to get me paranoid (and fail) then u should be bold enough to dm me#yknow without hiding yourself#either do that or leave us alone girl!! move on#like why do you preach about moving on to a new era and then actively seek out trouble ????#get a job or something#trying to make me think my bf is cheating on me is such a weird thing to do and a big low for you spinny. it's actually sad#the worst part youre not even good at doing it. youre making shit up from what you THINK you know & hiding behind ur friend#its okay to fall out of friendships and im not even trying to meddle with your life but you are literally actively seeking out problems#and thats so pathetic. especially when you paint yourself all high and might over us ??? clearly we tried everything for you#until we got to a point where we were literally drowning because we have other shit in our lives too#you keep losing friends and complain about it. maybe consider why??? because of lack of communication and empathy!! youre just mean!#especially to those who've always tried so hard to have your back and defend you! (buka and me!!!)#yet you didnt care. you dont communicate and expect us to read minds & you demand things#and u say that a real friend should know when to reach out & ya but when it gets to a point where i feel like im drowning? no thanks#im prioritizing myself and my mental health im sorry#not to mention i was ALWAYS IN THE MIDDLE IN YOUR BULLSHIT#so grow up. actually. and if you wanna dm me then unblock me and we can talk#if you want to keep hiding behind your toddler friends acting like youre all small and sweet and babies then go ahead but leave us alone?#at least ill have closure and finally come to terms that you're not rlly a good person and u use your illnesses to excuse ur behavior#because i still think about you and wish you were our friend but after everything thats happened (this being the cherry on top for ME)#then maybe you really just are a shitty person and you do more harm than good#soz to everyone else reading this just continue scrolling LOL#its drama cus an ex friend is sending their toddler militia on me for some reason???#delete later
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im done w moving and out of the shitty apt w the shittier roommate (who did not let move out happen without adding as Much drama as possible) and have just. been feeling so much better. living w my two friends who actually communicate well and all work together on our needs and gah. so less stressed and anxious now!!! and also in a week kitty introductions have gotten farther than they ever did w shitty roommates kitties (they were kinda bullies, so we had to move glacial speed even w oregano cat expert) and just. thank u the universe things are so much better now
#only improvement would be if anjo Also lived here curse grad school!!!!!!#i moved out over a week ago but we just tuened in keys after cleaning day on sunday#and across just those two days bad roommate accused me of faking cleaning a part of something (that was not requested or clear)#tried to turn anjo against me by saying im a liar and manipulator and gaslighter (which. listen the last one i could say the fuckin same)#(which is also so funny bc anjo and i are so close. became codependent in a heart beat. why tf would u think anjo is gonna be on ur side)#then at the walkthru pointed out things that were damaged (which they are Alsonin on that security deposit what are u doing)#and the texted again accusing me of shit with a stupid fucking infographic on weaponized incompetance#thankfully like all of these i had my friends with me bc when infirst got there for cleaning i uhhhh had a panic attack lol#so i had good support thru everything and now never have to deal w them#its just. been So much lmao. and its so fucking nice how calm and smooth things have been#like i had that sort of shit. i in general am good at communicating and avoid shitty drama like this person#so its been So exhausting. but im done now thank god#and the new place is so much better and nicer and i love the friends im living w and Yeah :')
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btw rick and morty makes me insane bc no one Gets it people who don't wanna watch it (like me! before my brother made me watch it in exchange of him watching sk8 the infinity w me!) are like ugh problematique bad #edgy dark humor adult cartoon for reddit bros 🙄 but then the reddit bros who watch it & became the main representatives for its audience are like haha pickle rick wooo you need high iq I Relate To Rick Sanchez Deeply and he's like the joker to them and he's a king and an icon of alpha males somehow???? but like. neither of those people understand that rick and morty is actually about Nobody Exists On Purpose. Nobody Belongs Anywhere. Everybody's Gonna Die. Come Watch TV?
#like yea the universe is huge and there's so many versions of everything that everything becomes replaceable and therefore worthless#and you can find joy in that or not. you can find a way to be happy despite it all or not#yes the core is nihilism. but then like. why are we ignoring the opposite approaches to nihilism shown by the titular characters#people will talk too much abt rick and not enough abt morty if u ask me but whatever. let's talk abt rick#why will people forget that what makes our rick the ''rickest rick'' (arguable ????) is not that he's the Toughest Smartest Whatever rick#but that he's the most human rick ? like. the fact that he was attached to his humanity and to the worth he found within it is what#kickstarts the entire show. bc he tries quitting science. and when another rick offers him the portal gun so he can live out that#nihilistic reckless life we see he refuses it bc it sounds Lonely???????? which it IS#so then the other rick takes away what matters to our rick. and that's what makes him the Alpha Male Genius that the reddit bros like#not his toughness his brains his big dick or whatever. it was all about loooove baybayyy and revenge i do love revenge#it was his heart that made him into what we see in the show <3 and what we see in the show is a pathetic weak miserable old bastard#but the reddit bros aren't brave enough to accept it#but whatever. next time we will be talking abt how much he loves morty and how he hates it so much bc it makes him weak#(as evil rick points out when they're looking over rick's memories and he tears up when he sees morty. which kills me btw)#(so much so that when rick can take out everything he considers toxic from inside of him he gets rid of his love for morty too)#and yet he loves his little buddy sooooo much it's what fuels him now. kinda. lol#is he still shitty. does he fall back in his own shit a lot. does he keep treating morty like shit. yea#there's no buts. the statements coexist#yes he will drunk call jessica to cry abt missing morty. yes he will dump morty for two crows#and also he's in love w birdperson. next time too#oh nay
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