#why isnt this in ny???
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#I CANT#WHAT AM I GOING TO DO????#why isnt this in ny???#MY LIFE#FUUUCKIN IDINA#redwood#DO NOT REBLOGGG
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anyone else start doing smth and it turns out fun and then ur brain is like,,,whoa this is awesome and therefore u should stop doing it and save the fun for later
except later never comes…
it’s like ur brain treats fun as an investment and therefore by doing it later, it will double the fun or something
#idk like ny brain just has to stop me from doing it#i think it might be me like…damn i want my whole self to be concentrated on doing this one thing#so that i will enjoy it fully#ill do this after work so i have more time to do it#and therefore i will be happier for longer#kinda thing yanno#idk#it seems kinda silly that my brain actively stops me from#having fun at the moment for some goddamn reason#this is why whenever i feel like drawing#i would be in the middle of doing smth passively#like maybe work#and then i just postpone drawing even if im enjoying it a lot atm#my thots#u can just see it in the amount of unread books that i have#as well as my 400+ tabs of fanfics and manga i plan to read#theyre more than 400 actually bc that 400 is just one tab grou#and i have more tab groups skfhdjf’#im thankful my browser isnt crashing tbh
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i guess im being offered the job lol
#i didnt even have to interview????? here i was worrying about oh god going for an interview#but i guess not???#manager called me just now and was like hey i spoke w the people they want to know if you can start on these dates#like. okay???????#theres a week of training for me to do and then the following week id start at thee job#like an idiot as i was saying bye on the phone i only remembered then that i should have asked if it was PAID training ugh.#im assuming so . but maybe not. idk#im gonna call him back on monday to give my answer#this is it.... i may finally be free of the annoying people....#but like anything i have my trepidations. bc who know if itll work out#well thats life. as the song goes#fortunately im still within the timeframe to change the amount for my commuter benefits pretax card thing#bc the monthly pass id need for the new job#costs like less than half of what i pay now for the bus to ny#crazyyyyy. anyway i gotta do that if i decide to take the job#its more money (a little. but still more. ok its like a dollar and 4 cents more. which not a lot but still)#i get more sleepytime (always good) and im saving on commuting#plus ill only have to pay nj (and federal) taxes. instead of also paying ny yay. thats good#sorry again weighing the pros and cons onstage here#UH. what else#well a shorter commute is good but it means less reading/music listening time#although ive only resumed reading recently lol#idk. well then i could read at home and not worry about my books getting messed up#these past couple weeks ive been :( that the like 70-something year old paperback ive been taking is getting a bit rougher#only a little. but yesterday it got a bit wet bc my bag got soaked in the rain#why am i taking a super old book to work well i dont know what to tell you we have some old books#ok getting off topic. everything seems good about the new job so fuck dude i guess ill go for it#finally free of the stupid people here.... on to new stupid people (undoubtedly)#well it's probably all good then but unfortunately i always worry what if it isnt. hm
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was that selfish of me to do
#i mean its not like i dont like them i really do they're super fun but they're so scary and they intimidate me#im too much of a pussy to swnd them anything explaining hell i dont even know if they'd like an explanation#idk why im still thinking abut this#(i do know i regret it)#but also#as much as i regret jt i idk i feel like im a burden to then#i feel like im a burden to everyone tbh#i feel like i maks most of my mutuals overthinking ans that they're afraid they'll upsey me because im unstable#this isnt their fault though its mine because im emotimal and i complain about everything and im super negative#i think all ny mutuals should cut me off immediately!#i think i nedd to disappear off of tumblr actually#i wonder uow many ppl look ay me and just think im absolutely pathetic#i wonde rhow msny of them regret becoming my mutuals#i must disappear the aster oersona its fallinf apart
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✨ venting ✨
#sometimes i feel like i dont make myself clear enough and i come off as very anti b/ddie but like im not i promise i sincerely would love it#and i like the idea of it but it gets so frustrating seeing people swear up and down every fucking season that its going to happen#like you're allowed to enjoy it unless it goes canon and you have a ten page essay on WHY it should go canon and thats just 🪓🪓🪓#like idk maybe im in the wrong spaces but i feel like ive accumulated a very anti b/ddie audience and that was not ny intention#i just wanna vent about how frustrating it is to see ppl try to convince themselves every little thing = b/ddie when like maybe it doesn't#and that should be fine yknow like youre sucking all of the flavor out of these characters by insisting theres something there that isnt#when there is actually a lot of natural chemisty between the characters and a good foundation for their relationship#that you dilute because no here look they were in the same frame that means b/ddie canon in season 14#like the metas ill see are just see here they looked at each other#when you dont have to do that. the ship speaks for itself. the will reveal. the well situation. the sniper arc. like ALL OF THAT means smth#like the b/cktommy deal. tommy can be important to buck OUTSIDE of how important eddie is. it doesn't have to threaten their relationship#but you let it and you come off as insane and insecure because every little fucking thing has to be about b/ddie and its like jfcccc
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boy how do you reblog such great things
been cultivating my dash for years. i also found most of them in my drafts
#looked at my drafts to find a Rb about my day / the boy i like (☕) BUT. IT ATE JT LMAO POST IS GONE#however i will do it here and now#SO IT WAS “CULTURE DAY” TODAY BUT MOST PPL USE IT AS NON UNIFORM DAY#I go in & see ☕ in form and go to assembly blah blah blah dont see him again until 3rd period#i sit behind him in english bc we have a room change and i have an excuse hes sososo funny and talks to me like the whole time#same as biology but he got kicked out for talking too much lol#then at lunch he disappears nd im a little bummed BUT HE APPEARS FROM THE HALL AND INVITES ME#so i go and bring my friends too and we sit while he & some younger years dance#and hes dancing and slaying etc etc all flamboyant /pos /pos /pos sometimes on the stage sometimes near us#near us he looks. fucking DEAD into my eyes and sings along to the song when its like “i know you like me” or sum#NDJSBDJSBE AHHHHH#and im sat a little away from the group but he sits with me specifically#friendgroup takes a pic without me really noticing & my friend Annabelle jokingly goes “why is Bev looking at ☕ with so much love”#I laugh it off. but ohhh ny god u have no idea. i was heart eyes motherfucker the whole time#HES SO CUTE IM SCREAAAAMING WITH THE WAY HIS KIPPAH KINDA MOVES HIS HAIR & HIS NEW GLASSES & SHIRT THAT ISNT UNIFORM SO I CAN SEE HIS WAIST#UGHFJSBSKSB MY GOD MY GOD MY GOD#hes so cool its so scary to be around him#then in PE we were meant to habe just dance for the last 2 weeks but theres been no available room#our group were in the gym but we got permission to wonder around instead#☕ says “whatre you doing?” i say “walking aimlessly” and he says “OH MY GOD PERFECT SAME LETS DO IT TOGETHER”#so him & me & my friends r walking and then im like. can we play just dance in the tennis courts#So he gets it on his phone starts playing and dibs me as a partner for Girlfriend and Timber. oh my sweet lord.#GODDD HES SO PRETTY AND FUNNY AND COOL IM OBSESSED WITH HIM OH MY GOD.#so anyway. thats the answer to your question LMAOOO#loz tag#asks#beverly says stuff#the bev is gay chronicles#☕#like before i wasnt sure if i LIKE-LIKED him or if it was hyperfix or smthn. im now 100%sure i really really like him
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dammit i was thinking of making the character from my dream into an oc but his name was jin and theres already canonically a jin in the series so i cant name him that 😭
#angryborzois rambles#i feel like the name came from yyh but dammit man#why#lol for someone who isnt rlly invested in jjk i sure do have a lot of jjk ocs in ny pockets
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i keep gagging on my toothbrush instead of a pretty girl's cock. hell world.
#hehehe but also I KEEP FUCKING GAGGING ON MY TOOTHBRUSH. AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY#NY GAG REFLEX NORMALLY ISNT THIS BAD#BUT FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF WEEKS IVE ALMOST FUCKING VOMITED JUST FROM BRUSHING MY TEETH????#LIKE IF I EVEN PUSH IT A TINY BIT FURTHER BACK I START GAGGING AND ALMOST VOMIT. I THINK I DID VOMIT ONCE.#MY GAG REFLEX IS NOT NORMALLY THAT BAD WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING.#anyway. cock posting
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many thots on body image and the way i present myself in light of going to pr and my cousin from belize coming to live with us and. sighsss. Btw i dont want any opinions. im just Thinking
#its so weird bc like idk. so much of my self image came from a rejection of carribbean culture bc i hated my family and all it stood for so#i turned myself into something so different from all of them in almost every aspect and now that like. that hatred of my family is gone im#reexamining that self image i constructed in rejection of them. to see what i want to integrate and not. and like. aince young ive always#dressed dofferent. a lot more modest. a lot cuter and less sexy. i saw that as a rejection of both gender norms and cultural expectations bc#Caribbean women value sexiness (in my experience) rather than cuteness. so i made myself cute and quirky and by resukt gender nonconforming#in the eyes of ny family but still feminine in the eyes of society. and i wanted to reject all of that but the question now is why? why#continue to reject my culture? it seeves no purpose now. isnt it time to reexamibe? and yes but. idk how to navigate that now.#bc even if i am belizean. i dont want to be seen as a woman like that in the eyes of society. so like. what do i do. i know i can dress#more form fitting. shorter. sexier. and in a way i want to but i also dont and its. uh.. what do i want to be? who knows
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i really thought lyney was a girl and now i wish he was
#linpost#I LIKED HIM BEFORE but now that i know hes a guy i hate him#his name BETTER not be pronounced linny and then be spelt like that.#then again they are french soo. wouldnt be surprised#for his sister LINE-ette OR LIN-ette isnt that bad#but line-y and lin-ny are both pretty bad#linny should only be a nickname. if its your full time name while being spelt like that You Are French#even worse it it gets revealed those are their STAGE NAMES like why would you choose that#maybe if i trans her ill feel better#bc THEN it was like. omg tophat girl! so real and true!#but now its just. boring#idk#this sounds like. bigoted or something
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They're doing construction work again. LET ME SLEEP IT'S SATURDAY THE DAY OF PRE-REST
#i went to bed so late again last night#if this isnt the consequences of ny own actions#but why are they so loud?#i also woke up at 5 am for no reason today#in lorelai we believe#gilmore girls
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idk if i should make a b//sty or smthng..... i kind a need money rn
#im also in an artblokc so like. lose lose situation lmao#im still confuse dby it idm what to do#even if i had the acc for like a year or more. ugh#also bc ppl wouldnt take comms....or like a doodle i think#ny skill isnt that good . so. uh#random#why is it so hardddddd ughhhhshha
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Moving! Moving in two months! Working on moving when I was literally doing this shit exactly a year ago! *SCREAM*
#so im actually feeling so good and normal about this#im feeling so so cool about getting rid of a bunch of my belongings#asking my roommate if she wants them. then listing them on marketplace. or donsting them#i love deciding whoch of my belongings are important enough to go with me back to my hometown#whoch ones are worth the trouble of weathering the 18 hour move#i just got unpacked (never even fully unpacked tbh) and now im packing up again#i just got done buying furniture again. i have a bed frame now#i had to get rid of a lot during the last move because i couodnt afford a uhaul so i just packed it all in my van#and whatever didnt fit didnt go. now my dad is bringing a uhaul trailer#so i dont have to get rid of as much. but still some. theres a lot of clutter#but i think generated clutter is a sign of a home#idk im just feeling so weird because last May i moved. and now this May im moving again#ive only spent a year here. and im not sad to leave. this city isnt right for me. its just weird#i think moving kills a part of your soul and i dont mean that poetically i mean i feel like dying rn#moving is so fucking stressful and i just super don't like it#'but austyn if you dont like movong then why have you never spent more than 1.5 years in the same place#for the last four years?' stfu i didnt ask for this#its worse because im moving back in with my parents into my childhood home. which is gonna be super great for ny mental health#but on the bright side ill be able to see my old psychiatrist and therapist again! had to srop when i moved halfway across the country#its fine. its all gonns be fine#my sibling and i just did a lot of cleaning and decluttering and listing shit on marketplace today#it killed a little bit of my soul i think
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Me emailing any professor: woe too many words be upon ye
#i had to email my communications professor and its clear that she hates All Of Our Email Writing#Probably Especially Mine.#sorry for being a creative writer and building sentences like im writing elaborate fanfiction it isnt my fault (it is)#i use WAY too many commas like omg shut up you dont need an artsy run on sentence in your assignment clarification email#a day before its due mind you#the problem is that i write with rhythm because i think with rhythm#sometimes i do that thing where i narrate whats happening like its a book in ny head and. thats probably why#god i hope she doesnt totally hate reading this email LMFAO#she told us that she hates getting stuff like “hey” like i get it but girl its a greeting..... chill#she's trying to make is write like a robot because its “disrespectful” to be semi-casual with your professors#but our professors send us shit like “yeehaw” and “g'day.” one of them only ever greets us with hey like. idk girl i just match their tone#obviously i respect my professors i just think its silly to act like a little buisnessman when the email starts with g'day
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If you can't see that you're directly contributing to the genocide of Palestinians by constantly bringing this up when Israel has used October 7th to manufacture consent for the starvation, rape, displacement, and bombardment of people.... it's obvious that you have no regard for Palestinian lives and think only of Palestinians as a construct in your arguments.
The fact that people are still talking about October 7th when 2.3 million people are dying and at risk of displacement..... perhaps wait until after those 2.3 million people are safe first, yeah?
#i cannot emphasize enough that youre also someone who is perpetuating genocide#“why are you trying to excuse the murder of israelis” shut up#“hamas isnt moral” oh my god. ohhhh ny god.#there are people dying right now. think about them first.
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I studied half of chapter 1 and I'm here to say I have given up hope and just gonna do fuck all as per usual
#z rambles#if i can pass with 80/100 for my midterm when i didnt listen to shit except drink my little drink and text ny friends in class#then i can pass the finaks with at least 50 right right right right right#ya know idk why i started from chapter 1 i shouodve started from the kost recent maybe im stupid idk#4 questions huh idk what type of questions shes gonna put on there#i have some theories but those alrrady appeared in the midterm so idk honestly maybe shell let us pit socialism and communism againdt ea#well not to worry. tomorrow exam is gona be worse than rverything ever cuz he did not teach shit and just make us read 🫶#open book finals imahine lmaooo#man idk ehat if my gpa drops to 3.0 i usually dont care sbout score but me finks me killing myself#honestly i just look forward to the break man#i hope the break isnt actually 2 weeks they gotta be joking right haha
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