#why isnt this in ny???
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#I CANT#WHAT AM I GOING TO DO????#why isnt this in ny???#MY LIFE#FUUUCKIN IDINA#redwood#DO NOT REBLOGGG
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anyone else start doing smth and it turns out fun and then ur brain is like,,,whoa this is awesome and therefore u should stop doing it and save the fun for later
except later never comes…
it’s like ur brain treats fun as an investment and therefore by doing it later, it will double the fun or something
#idk like ny brain just has to stop me from doing it#i think it might be me like…damn i want my whole self to be concentrated on doing this one thing#so that i will enjoy it fully#ill do this after work so i have more time to do it#and therefore i will be happier for longer#kinda thing yanno#idk#it seems kinda silly that my brain actively stops me from#having fun at the moment for some goddamn reason#this is why whenever i feel like drawing#i would be in the middle of doing smth passively#like maybe work#and then i just postpone drawing even if im enjoying it a lot atm#my thots#u can just see it in the amount of unread books that i have#as well as my 400+ tabs of fanfics and manga i plan to read#theyre more than 400 actually bc that 400 is just one tab grou#and i have more tab groups skfhdjf’#im thankful my browser isnt crashing tbh
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Blowing up got a flat tire and I have 0 moneys now
Yeagh I drew that in Walmart just now
#ARRUGHHHHHHHHHHB#salad says!#sorry for complaining but this whole situation is a mess#i got a flat because i cant fill ny tires up on ny own because it hurts a lot#then i asked ny dad for help getting air ao he didnt have to worry about paying me back the full 200 from his dogs vet bill#and then he just. never did. because i sleep on ny days off. even though hes taken my van without permission before#and its been a week now thumbs up and he never did it#there goes 120 bucks. that i barely had#then i gotta make cookies for a work party because i am not doing store bought like everyone else and i asked him if we had ingredients#and HE NEVER TOLD ME!!!! so i am having to waste a lot of money guessing#on top of that for the past couple months hes told me nonstop not to gwt anything for him for Christmas and now 5 days before Christmas hes#like - can you buy me this thing that costs 160 bucks like NO!!! i already got you something and i font have the money#he isnt even going to get me anything he refuses to even look wt me#and this is all after last night he told me he hasnt been even giving hexum (dog) the proper dosage of his medicine wnd yesterday he just .#didnt.#like do you want the dog youve told me you love more than me to have another seizure and die???#at least make a freaking effort. and the reason why i had to take him to the vet is because he WOULDNT#he has 2 seizures back to back while he was off work and didnt care!!!!!!!!!!!#then he had a third so i took him and ye made a huge deal out of it not mattering#sorry this week has been a lot#vent#i just want yo say this was all after his stupid gf left the front door wide open and murr went missing for nearly 6 days and he#yelled at me for being upset abd sad and he didnt even bother to help
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was that selfish of me to do
#i mean its not like i dont like them i really do they're super fun but they're so scary and they intimidate me#im too much of a pussy to swnd them anything explaining hell i dont even know if they'd like an explanation#idk why im still thinking abut this#(i do know i regret it)#but also#as much as i regret jt i idk i feel like im a burden to then#i feel like im a burden to everyone tbh#i feel like i maks most of my mutuals overthinking ans that they're afraid they'll upsey me because im unstable#this isnt their fault though its mine because im emotimal and i complain about everything and im super negative#i think all ny mutuals should cut me off immediately!#i think i nedd to disappear off of tumblr actually#i wonder uow many ppl look ay me and just think im absolutely pathetic#i wonde rhow msny of them regret becoming my mutuals#i must disappear the aster oersona its fallinf apart
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✨ venting ✨
#sometimes i feel like i dont make myself clear enough and i come off as very anti b/ddie but like im not i promise i sincerely would love it#and i like the idea of it but it gets so frustrating seeing people swear up and down every fucking season that its going to happen#like you're allowed to enjoy it unless it goes canon and you have a ten page essay on WHY it should go canon and thats just 🪓🪓🪓#like idk maybe im in the wrong spaces but i feel like ive accumulated a very anti b/ddie audience and that was not ny intention#i just wanna vent about how frustrating it is to see ppl try to convince themselves every little thing = b/ddie when like maybe it doesn't#and that should be fine yknow like youre sucking all of the flavor out of these characters by insisting theres something there that isnt#when there is actually a lot of natural chemisty between the characters and a good foundation for their relationship#that you dilute because no here look they were in the same frame that means b/ddie canon in season 14#like the metas ill see are just see here they looked at each other#when you dont have to do that. the ship speaks for itself. the will reveal. the well situation. the sniper arc. like ALL OF THAT means smth#like the b/cktommy deal. tommy can be important to buck OUTSIDE of how important eddie is. it doesn't have to threaten their relationship#but you let it and you come off as insane and insecure because every little fucking thing has to be about b/ddie and its like jfcccc
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boy how do you reblog such great things
been cultivating my dash for years. i also found most of them in my drafts
#looked at my drafts to find a Rb about my day / the boy i like (☕) BUT. IT ATE JT LMAO POST IS GONE#however i will do it here and now#SO IT WAS “CULTURE DAY” TODAY BUT MOST PPL USE IT AS NON UNIFORM DAY#I go in & see ☕ in form and go to assembly blah blah blah dont see him again until 3rd period#i sit behind him in english bc we have a room change and i have an excuse hes sososo funny and talks to me like the whole time#same as biology but he got kicked out for talking too much lol#then at lunch he disappears nd im a little bummed BUT HE APPEARS FROM THE HALL AND INVITES ME#so i go and bring my friends too and we sit while he & some younger years dance#and hes dancing and slaying etc etc all flamboyant /pos /pos /pos sometimes on the stage sometimes near us#near us he looks. fucking DEAD into my eyes and sings along to the song when its like “i know you like me” or sum#NDJSBDJSBE AHHHHH#and im sat a little away from the group but he sits with me specifically#friendgroup takes a pic without me really noticing & my friend Annabelle jokingly goes “why is Bev looking at ☕ with so much love”#I laugh it off. but ohhh ny god u have no idea. i was heart eyes motherfucker the whole time#HES SO CUTE IM SCREAAAAMING WITH THE WAY HIS KIPPAH KINDA MOVES HIS HAIR & HIS NEW GLASSES & SHIRT THAT ISNT UNIFORM SO I CAN SEE HIS WAIST#UGHFJSBSKSB MY GOD MY GOD MY GOD#hes so cool its so scary to be around him#then in PE we were meant to habe just dance for the last 2 weeks but theres been no available room#our group were in the gym but we got permission to wonder around instead#☕ says “whatre you doing?” i say “walking aimlessly” and he says “OH MY GOD PERFECT SAME LETS DO IT TOGETHER”#so him & me & my friends r walking and then im like. can we play just dance in the tennis courts#So he gets it on his phone starts playing and dibs me as a partner for Girlfriend and Timber. oh my sweet lord.#GODDD HES SO PRETTY AND FUNNY AND COOL IM OBSESSED WITH HIM OH MY GOD.#so anyway. thats the answer to your question LMAOOO#loz tag#asks#beverly says stuff#the bev is gay chronicles#☕#like before i wasnt sure if i LIKE-LIKED him or if it was hyperfix or smthn. im now 100%sure i really really like him
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i keep gagging on my toothbrush instead of a pretty girl's cock. hell world.
#hehehe but also I KEEP FUCKING GAGGING ON MY TOOTHBRUSH. AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY#NY GAG REFLEX NORMALLY ISNT THIS BAD#BUT FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF WEEKS IVE ALMOST FUCKING VOMITED JUST FROM BRUSHING MY TEETH????#LIKE IF I EVEN PUSH IT A TINY BIT FURTHER BACK I START GAGGING AND ALMOST VOMIT. I THINK I DID VOMIT ONCE.#MY GAG REFLEX IS NOT NORMALLY THAT BAD WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING.#anyway. cock posting
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many thots on body image and the way i present myself in light of going to pr and my cousin from belize coming to live with us and. sighsss. Btw i dont want any opinions. im just Thinking
#its so weird bc like idk. so much of my self image came from a rejection of carribbean culture bc i hated my family and all it stood for so#i turned myself into something so different from all of them in almost every aspect and now that like. that hatred of my family is gone im#reexamining that self image i constructed in rejection of them. to see what i want to integrate and not. and like. aince young ive always#dressed dofferent. a lot more modest. a lot cuter and less sexy. i saw that as a rejection of both gender norms and cultural expectations bc#Caribbean women value sexiness (in my experience) rather than cuteness. so i made myself cute and quirky and by resukt gender nonconforming#in the eyes of ny family but still feminine in the eyes of society. and i wanted to reject all of that but the question now is why? why#continue to reject my culture? it seeves no purpose now. isnt it time to reexamibe? and yes but. idk how to navigate that now.#bc even if i am belizean. i dont want to be seen as a woman like that in the eyes of society. so like. what do i do. i know i can dress#more form fitting. shorter. sexier. and in a way i want to but i also dont and its. uh.. what do i want to be? who knows
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They're doing construction work again. LET ME SLEEP IT'S SATURDAY THE DAY OF PRE-REST
#i went to bed so late again last night#if this isnt the consequences of ny own actions#but why are they so loud?#i also woke up at 5 am for no reason today#in lorelai we believe#gilmore girls
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Was going to do some oni file digging but got too distracted playing the actual video game. Anyways look at her <3
#rat rambles#oni posting#her icon does not do her justice she is so fucking cute#I fucking adore her#anyways ny thoughts on the new dlc are mostly positive so far although I do have some nitpicks#now to be clear to the fellow lore enjoyers in chat this is a fairly log light dlc unfortunately#which doesnt suprise me since god knows they don't like talking abt dupes too directly in the logs and this dlc is all abt the bionic dupes#which I see as a positive thing generally but I do wish there was a smidgen bit more to justify why they can be printed now#just an extra my log at the start that says woah I found some fancy robo guys in my printing database would have been nice#but other than that I do like the continuing tensions between gravitas and the vexus institute brewing#and I also like the pronoun confirmation on jackie's probably mom I'm glad we're seeing more of her#Im also glad theyve so far had jackie say jack shit abt her probably mom and her going ons I hope it mostly stays that way#I'm open to getting some of jackies words on the family drama but I want it to be shown not told#so like idk. maybe a conversation between them or smth. and keep it vague and up to interpretation#I like my jackie characterization hard to find and unpack#as for the actual gamplay stuff Im definitely enjoying the different playstyle of the bionic dupes a lot so far#I havent gotten far enough into my test run to rly know how they feel in long term colonies but they are quite fun so far#I like how they add some pretty strong early game benefits while also adding a pretty important early research racing#I also enjoy their oxygen tanks but I have noticed that they tend to chose weird and sometimes extremely inconvenient places to refill#I don't think I rly understand their logic for chosing spots yet but I thinkkkk they might be trying to chose somewhere away from general#living areas? I could be wrong though I have seen them recharge directly by cots before but maybe its based on the pod location idk#but yeah this is me screaming at ulti to stop recharging by a tiny spec of oxygen surrounded by slimelung infested polluted oxygen#so basically sending them out to germy or unbreathable environments is theoretically safe most of the time but it's not as safe as a suit#that combined with their adverse reactions to liquid and extreme temperatures does still leave need for athmosuits#which is a good thing to be clear#in theory this also means that oxygen masks can still be of use to a bionic dupe even if it isnt necessary#especially if theyre making large transit that risks them running out of oxygen and trying to refill inside an contaminated area#but yeah if I had one complaint abt the bionic dupes it would be that I wish there were a few more#I get not wanting to bloat the dupe count but you can and will see duplicates within the early game#there isn't a lot of variety with them which makes bionic dupe heavy colonies feel less appealing to me
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idk if i should make a b//sty or smthng..... i kind a need money rn
#im also in an artblokc so like. lose lose situation lmao#im still confuse dby it idm what to do#even if i had the acc for like a year or more. ugh#also bc ppl wouldnt take comms....or like a doodle i think#ny skill isnt that good . so. uh#random#why is it so hardddddd ughhhhshha
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Moving! Moving in two months! Working on moving when I was literally doing this shit exactly a year ago! *SCREAM*
#so im actually feeling so good and normal about this#im feeling so so cool about getting rid of a bunch of my belongings#asking my roommate if she wants them. then listing them on marketplace. or donsting them#i love deciding whoch of my belongings are important enough to go with me back to my hometown#whoch ones are worth the trouble of weathering the 18 hour move#i just got unpacked (never even fully unpacked tbh) and now im packing up again#i just got done buying furniture again. i have a bed frame now#i had to get rid of a lot during the last move because i couodnt afford a uhaul so i just packed it all in my van#and whatever didnt fit didnt go. now my dad is bringing a uhaul trailer#so i dont have to get rid of as much. but still some. theres a lot of clutter#but i think generated clutter is a sign of a home#idk im just feeling so weird because last May i moved. and now this May im moving again#ive only spent a year here. and im not sad to leave. this city isnt right for me. its just weird#i think moving kills a part of your soul and i dont mean that poetically i mean i feel like dying rn#moving is so fucking stressful and i just super don't like it#'but austyn if you dont like movong then why have you never spent more than 1.5 years in the same place#for the last four years?' stfu i didnt ask for this#its worse because im moving back in with my parents into my childhood home. which is gonna be super great for ny mental health#but on the bright side ill be able to see my old psychiatrist and therapist again! had to srop when i moved halfway across the country#its fine. its all gonns be fine#my sibling and i just did a lot of cleaning and decluttering and listing shit on marketplace today#it killed a little bit of my soul i think
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Me emailing any professor: woe too many words be upon ye
#i had to email my communications professor and its clear that she hates All Of Our Email Writing#Probably Especially Mine.#sorry for being a creative writer and building sentences like im writing elaborate fanfiction it isnt my fault (it is)#i use WAY too many commas like omg shut up you dont need an artsy run on sentence in your assignment clarification email#a day before its due mind you#the problem is that i write with rhythm because i think with rhythm#sometimes i do that thing where i narrate whats happening like its a book in ny head and. thats probably why#god i hope she doesnt totally hate reading this email LMFAO#she told us that she hates getting stuff like “hey” like i get it but girl its a greeting..... chill#she's trying to make is write like a robot because its “disrespectful” to be semi-casual with your professors#but our professors send us shit like “yeehaw” and “g'day.” one of them only ever greets us with hey like. idk girl i just match their tone#obviously i respect my professors i just think its silly to act like a little buisnessman when the email starts with g'day
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If you can't see that you're directly contributing to the genocide of Palestinians by constantly bringing this up when Israel has used October 7th to manufacture consent for the starvation, rape, displacement, and bombardment of people.... it's obvious that you have no regard for Palestinian lives and think only of Palestinians as a construct in your arguments.
The fact that people are still talking about October 7th when 2.3 million people are dying and at risk of displacement..... perhaps wait until after those 2.3 million people are safe first, yeah?
#i cannot emphasize enough that youre also someone who is perpetuating genocide#“why are you trying to excuse the murder of israelis” shut up#“hamas isnt moral” oh my god. ohhhh ny god.#there are people dying right now. think about them first.
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🎓 student--raskolnikov
i swear to god if my landlord gives me any more shit im going to kill someone
#shut up rodia #vent
🎓 student--raskolnikov
oh my god
🎓 student--raskolnikov
what the fuck. what the fuck what the fuck
#my sister is getting engaged to some fucking douchebag #why???? she doesnt even like him they dont have ANYTHING in common #i dont understand #it doesnt make any sense this isnt like her at all #apparently she & my mom have some fucking. plan to ''help'' me by convincing him to let me work at his law firm #this isnt fair. she shouldnt be tying herself to some asshole she barely knows just for my sake #im not going to let this happen i cant have this happen #what kind of brother would i be to let this happen to her #god fuck you dunia why do you have to love me so much #fuck #i feel so guilty i dont know what to do #shut up rodia #vent
🎓 student--raskolnikov
ok u know what im gonna go on a walk i need to. calm down.
#shut up rodia
🎓 student--raskolnikov
??? theres a. drunk girl on the street. god she looks like 15 years old & some dude is perving on her. im gonna get him to fuck off
🎓 student--raskolnikov
a police officer got the guy to leave her alone & i even gave him money to get her a cab. why the fuck did i do that. i dont even care anymore. nothing matters. i hope everyone dies
#im such a shitty person just giving out money #my mom is taking that out her goddamn pention #shut up rodia #vent
🎓 student--rasknolnikov
ok uh. just as a hypothetical. if there was like. someone who took advantage of ppl & everyone hated would it be morally good to kill them
#i mean like . if society would be better off without them it shouldnt be a problem right #shut up rodia #rb for larger sample size please
🧹 lizavetaaaa
whhat the hell oh mmy god oh ny g;od
🧹 lizavetaaaa
my half sisster got fucickcing mur
💔 sadgirlsonia
liza ? what were u going to say ??? are u ok bestie???
#u havent replied to my dms pls im worried
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sorry for sending a double ask :( i had more ideas for my franco x reader - reagent reader has an odd infatuation with Franco, but they’re not sure why, it’s an itch in the back of their brain and they swear they recognize him from somewhere, maybe reagent reader is from NY too? Easterman always tells us to “forgot any familiar faces” that we see in the sleep room, saying that “they’re a new person now.” I think this has been engraved into our reagent and now our reagent has a blurred line between familiar faces and new faces- hence why they linger around Franco so much because they’re torn between what they’re being conditioned to forget, and their very real memories.
this is so neat! thank you for requesting :D! i deleted your first ask on accident, so if this isnt quite what you wanted please let me know!
Franco Barbi with an Infatuated Reader
Ever since your first trial together, you hadn't been the same. He had pulled you in like a moth to the flame, and dug his way in to your head, Planting a question which echoed in your brain like a mantra. "Where have I seen him before?"
"Him" referring to the newest prime asset, Franco Barbi. Not any less deranged than the other prime assets- but there was something different about him. Perhaps this was a side effect of the treatment, or something Murkhoff had planted in you when you first arrived, but it had been haunting you for weeks. You had met him before... you could swear it. By design, therapy had left your memories a jumbled mess. Any remnants of your past came to you in short spurts, and you weren't even sure those where real, but Franco... he was so vivid. Something so simple quickly became an obsession for you, and Franco took notice. You where following him around like a dog- weren't you supposed to be running from him? He didn't get it. At first, Franco assumed you had it out for him. He thought you where destroying his product for fun. You'd volunteered for his trials so often, he thought you where just making fun of him. He'd notice how you liked to stare at him, and it'd drive him mad. "The fuck are you lookin' at with that smart fuckin' mug! Do you think you're better than me?" he'd cry, making quick work of you with his lupara. However, Franco wasn't too dumb. Eventually he'd become suspicious. You didn't even try to complete the trial anymore, you just followed him around. To him, this could only mean one thing- You had the hots for him. He wasn't shocked, but it only made him want to toy with you more. He was convinced that you where totally obsessed with him (which wasn't too far from the truth). You'd give anything just to talk with the guy, Surely he'd have the answer for you, but that task was about as difficult as it sounds. Any attempt to question him was met with anger, filth, or the barrel of his lupara. He wasn't taking you seriously. The most you'd gotten out of him was info about his father, but that was only when he was trying to intimidate you. Your obsession would prove to be your demise. Your grades in trials suffered, and the doctors where growing more concerned of your progress, but you didn't really care. Nothing was more important to you than figuring out that whiny manchild. Where have you seen him before?
#the outlast trials x reader#the outlast trials#x reader#franco barbi x reader#franco barbi#request#outlast#outlast x reader#franco barbie#il bambino#il bambino x reader
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