#why is the diary a snitch

[bonniethemutant]

[kyometeru]

© uvuyai 2024

ძᥲᥡ 2 ~ һᥙmіᥣіᥲ𝗍і᥆ᥒ + 𝗍ᥡіᥒg ᥙ⍴ [EVENT]

Yandere! Blade x FEM! Reader

–genre. Smut, nsfw

–tw. Blood, skin carving, humiliation, skin writing, non-con, creampie, sadist!blade, spanking, porn with plot(maybe), size difference, stomach bulge, choking, overstimulation, possessive behaviors, blade is called ren, mentions of the hard R in the beginning, neglect, degradation, reader is blades reincarnated lover, prone bone, MINORS DNI, non consensual touching, nipple play, SW and Kafka is helping blade, headlocking, dub-con, blood,

–synopsis. You've been kidnapped by the swordsman of the Stellaron Hunters and brought to their headquarters. It's Valentine's Day and he planned something special.

Mari/yai's message – just know i was very uncomfortable with writing this. I've been drawing lately so it's been a while.

You were tied up in the basement of the Stellaron Hunters headquarters. You were just walking down the streets of luofu till you were grabbed into an alleyway and a cloth covering your mouth and then you inhaled chloroform, passing out into the person's(or thing) arm. When your captor brought you back to where they lived, they introduced themselves as Blade but he told you to call him ren.

Blade. As in the wanted criminal and part of the Stellaron Hunters?

After a while he got tired of your useless attempts at escaping (mostly snitched on by Kafka or Silverwolf by telling blade you escaped.), and then forcefully forced himself onto you. After that he left you.

He would come back occasionally if Kafka told him so if he didn't want you to die. He would bring you clothes and food to keep you alive and helped you take care of your hygiene. You didn't eat in front of him and just pretend to be asleep most of the time in the corner of the mattress.

You tried talking to him but couldn't since your stuttering held you back and you couldn't make eye contact with him since he fiery red eyes would stare into your soul, stunning it immediately.

He brought you stuff like a note book to draw or use it as a diary. Since you barely could get your words out, you wrote ‘Why did you kidnap me?’ on a page. He only muttered the word “Lover” and left it at that.

Well today was Valentine's day as you'd know by the calendar beside your bed. You still didn't love him or let yourself develop Stockholm Syndrome. If you could tell, he hated it.

You behaved well for the days, months, or even years he captured you. He let you out of your ropes and lets you walk around the basement. Various furniture was added like a desk that faced a window(that was very hard to break), a bed set, and a built in shower.

Silver Wolf gave the glory to Blade that he can have one of her old games but he decided to give it to you so you wouldn't be as bored when he went.

Kafka came down and called out for you. You raised your head from your pillow and looked at her with sleepy doe eyes. “C'mon dearie, Blade will be home soon and he has something planned for you.” she grabbed your forearm and dragged you to the bathroom and ran you a bath as if you were her child. She helped you shave your legs(and everywhere else including pubic) and did your hair into something simple. She gave you pink Valentine's Day themed lingerie undergarments to put underneath the white lace night gown.

You wished you knew why Blade suggested Kafka to give you this. The clothes fit you nicely. Your mind was all over the place as you thought about how Blade got the correct measurements of your bra and panties.

Kafka led you out of the bathroom and back to your bed and went back up stairs and came back down with a low black gift box. She skied the top off the box to reveal red ribbons. The box was branded so it must've been from a sex store or somewhere that was expensive. You thought it was for your hair otherwise it's weird to come in a box like that.

Kafka placed her hands behind her back and closed her eyes and let out a pitiful sigh. “I'm sorry, dear.” Before you could turn around something rough and hard hit the back of your head. It put you to sleep on impact.

She dragged your body to your bed and threw you on your bed, grabbing the ribbon and tied it tightly around your legs and wrist. The extras went around your waist and torso. You were truly a beautiful doll. She wrapped soft cloth around your mouth and eyes. Just breathe through

She left the room and as if on cue, Blade stepped through the door. In his deep voice, he spoke. “Did you do what I asked?” Kafka nodded her head and gave off her signature smile. “I did but I had to neutralize her because she was struggling too much for my comfort.” she was obviously lying. He could obviously tell too.

He stepped his way to the basement where you were. He heard distant whimpering and sobs which were coming from you. He reached you and noticed your squirming. Your breath hitched as you heard boots stepping your way. The ribbons were hurting way too much to even ignore for a bit.

“Hey waterlily, It's really disappointing how you didn't behave for her.” he breathed. “You should be punished for that. I see she did most of the work.” you heard something slam on the nightstand next to your bed.

He hooked his finger underneath the blindfold to reveal your doe stricken eyes.

His lips lifted into a smirk while he trailed his bandaged fingers from your face to your collarbone. He noticed your squirming got more vapid. You shook your head as you didn't want him to continue.

His hand ripped the strap that was holding the gown, revealing your covered breast. Your face felt as if it was burning from embarrassment. He pushed you onto your back and got on top of you. Your muffled protests became unheard as he grabbed scissors and cut the straps from your bra, removing it, and revealing your tits.

“You look like a slut... Begging for someone's attention.” he laughed. “That someone's attention you want is me.” he dug into his pants pocket and pulled out a knife and a permanent marker.

He slid the knife down your torso, the force was enough for it to draw blood. He leaned down and lapped at the blood while maintaining eye contact with you. Tears ran down your face and dried ones were replaced.

He fully discarded your dress and panties and threw them somewhere on the bed or ground. He used his gloved hand to finger you. Your slick immediately gathering on his hand. “Has all this fear got to you? I would've mistaken you for being a masochist, y'know.”

He unbuckled his pants and slid down his boxers that revealed his large, thick throbbing dick. It was flushed red at the tip and a white bead of precum was drooling from the slit. He thrusted two fingers into your cunt. He wanted to prep you since it's been a while since he had done anything with you. The stimulation was overwhelming. You desperately tried to kick him away but he grabbed your waist and replaced his finger with his dick rubbing against your pussy. Your juices covered the downside of his dick.

He leaned back to position his dick between your pussy lips. He thrusted up into your pussy, hitting your spongy spot on impact. A little blood covered his dick as well. A bulge would pop up with each thrust of his hips. Your scream was muffled and you leaned your head back on the pillow. You were biting at the cloth that was covering your mouth. It was covered in your saliva as well.

Blade hooked a finger underneath the cloth and pulled it down. Your breathing was harsh in a way that if it was cold, air would come from your mouth. As his thrusts started to pick up and your juices webbed his whole dick, he picked the knife back up and started to engrave a letter below your tits. The letter was his initial, the letter ‘B’. The icy hot pain was all over your body(it wasn't but it felt like it but mainly between your thighs), Blade licked the blood up, enjoying the metallic iron taste from it. His dick landed painful hits to your cervix, making you grimace at the feeling.

During that, yelps, whines, and moans were heard through the basement. If you were loud enough, Kafka and Silver Wolf would hear.

His thrust got more erratic. His thrusts were sure that by the time he finished your pussy would be gapping open and molded into the shape of his cock. You tried to cover your moans by turning your head to the side and trying to muffle them as much as possible. Blade was quick to grab your face, squishing your cheeks together as he got up in your face while looking at your unfocused eyes filled with tears. He trailed his eyes down back to where he drew the letter below your tits.

He slowly itched a small cross(which was a plus sign,) and after a while, he carved your first name initials after. It looked like those cheesy trends where it shows what initials are meant to be for example; B + Y. He did all of this while keeping his thrusts while you squirted your juices onto his lower abdomen and cock. He grabbed the permanent marker and drew a small heart around the heart.

He grabbed you by the shoulders and squished you against his chest. He rocked his hips back and forth and wrapped his arm around your waist to keep you steady. “You are such a slut. Nothing but my cum dump.” The cold permanent marker touched your skin, sending shivers down your spine and to your core. He wrote a few words like “CUMDUMP”, ”SLUT”, and “Blades/ren's property” on your back. He placed a few humiliating words on your collarbone so anyone could see it and also remind him what you are to him.

You pussy clenched around his dick, signaling your. “You wanna cum, yeah? Then cum. Cum for me.” he said between grunts. Your string of moans and mewls of being overstimulated, he released his cum inside you. Your stomach was slightly bloated and thick, sticky cum leaked out of your cunt and onto the bedsheets(it had little bubbles in them and stuck together like a spider web).

Blade was quick to flip you onto your stomach with your ass in the air. He grabbed the knife and released your wrist from the ropes binding them together. Your wrists were finally able to breathe. His rough hands grab at your wrist, pulling them to make you arch your back further.

He angled his cock back at your entrance, pushing his hips forward and his cum and your juices acting together as a secondary lube. The movement of his hips grew faster as time passed.

He leaned down to where his chest was touching your back. He resumed his torcher and thrust into you so hard he could break into your cervix and split you apart. His hand snaked up to your neck, squeezing it slightly so it wasn't hard enough to stop your breath. He used it to angle your head so he could kiss you. You moaned into his mouth and drooled all over his tongue.

His thrust started to get sloppy and he felt your breath get harsher from you breathing through your mouth. He wrapped both of his thick bulging arms around your neck, placing you in a loose headlock. A hand slipped down and tugged at your nipple. You released the kiss as you tried to get your breath back by sticking your tongue out. He placed a loud smack on your ass which made you come on his dick, stunning you.

He came inside you for the second time. You don't know how long he'll be doing this for as you feel his dick hardened inside you.

;(

[missglaskin]

HOTD AU Concepts Masterlist part 1

Main series: HOTD AU Masterlist

Reader demanding Criston is punished Reference: Part 2 

Possible love interest?  Will Daemon be a love interest 

Connection between Aemond and Luke   Reference: Part 3

Why Aemond snitched Reference: Part 5 

How Alicent contributed to Aemond’s tendencies Reference: Part 5 

Reader’s title in court   Y/N’s Aliases

When reader has a breakdown 

Helaena’s nickname

If reader went with Rhaenys Reference: Part 5 

----> Reader crowning Rhaenyra

If reader has a child with someone else 

Naming after them some chs ;

Naming the child 'Y/n' Naming her Aemma  Carbon copy 

Fighting over the name If Aemond was the father

How reader is carried through history 

Paintings commissioned   Portraits inspirations for the reader 

Interpretations of ‘love triangle’ Aegon IV w/reader Other nicknames 

Old!reader like Olenna Reader dying before blackfyre rebellion

Criston react to Y/N being insulted

What if reader’s biological family wants her back

----> What if it is a powerful kingdom 

Reader being a Gremlin 

Liking shiny & cool things Bringing a snake Likes to take their things 

In a dragon onesie Getting sick from biting ankles Finding secret passages 

Does Aemond see Rhaenyra’s kids as competition 

Reader has diary 

---> If it’s found during Daenerys time  Aegon alters it 

If reader ends in GOT timeline 

Reader’s dress are mostly being stolen

----> Noticing Helaena’s embroideries 

Does Helaena know of Aegon’s feelings?

Bisexual reader falling for Helaena 

Reader getting Marie Antoinette syndrome

Y/N teaching the children to dance  children having nightmare

Reader likes singing Luke secretly being the favorite 

Reader losing an eye

Because of Luke and Jace

Reader requesting Aemond/Daemon a rare item (separate)

Young!reader bringing a pin to Otto

Does Viserys know of Aemond’s feelings 

Alys in the story? 

Reader telling them she's like Leanor 

Drunk!reader being affectionate 

Reader sprained her feet Reader suddenly falling ill 

[incognito-duo]

MUTANT MAYHEM HCs!!

Leonardo

The turtles and Splinter all call him Da Vinci, hated it at first but then grew to love it.

Loves watching Octonauts, and made a video essay about it.

Likes going to Walmart

Watches Vine compilations at 2 am when he can’t sleep

Color codes his candy, for example, only eats all of the red Skittles then the purple ones then green, etc.

Cried over Roblox VC once, and his brother verbally harassed a 5-year bc of it.

After Scumbug got with Splinter, Leo tried to encourage his family to learn the language she spoke. He is the most fluent, but as good as Splinter.

Even though he's a snitch, Leo has blackmail/secrets that are brothers only. (Some things are sibling code fr)

Favorite Dcom is Z-O-M-B-I-E-S, and looks up to Zed.

Loves cheesy Rom-cons, and has a Tubi account just for it.

Donatello

Head of movie nights, mostly watched anime movies but tried to find one the whole family would love.

Has his tent because he owns a bunch of merch, and needed a place to put it.

Simon, from Alvin and the Chipmunks, kinnie. Had a massive childhood crush on Jennet.

Def a Disney Kid, TOH, Molly McGee etc.

Got into Anime, and other fandoms, bc of AMV's.

Fandom wiki user, and a Tumblr user.

Studio Ghibli GEEK!! Made many video essays.

Chapped as hell lips, carries small Vaseline around (Forgets to use it)

Owns a diary

Info dumps and long study sessions a lot

Michelangelo

Only wants bubble tea for the pearls

Had a small wig era... failed, and never did it again. (He only wears wigs in secret)

Has the best handwriting

He could wing a test if he paid attention in class because IMPROV!!!

HAS to sleep near one of his brothers, hence why he has a bunk bed.

Has glow-in-dark stick stars on his wall!!

Number one hypeman when you wanna ask your crush out. Definitely helped Leo with April

Writes in orange glittery pen

Likes to style his mask in bows or fun edges

Over thinks with giving others gifts, decorating, and hosting parties

Raphael

He HATES the dentist

He is actually a big softie and dork (like we all know), so he yaps a lot with April, his brothers, and the people he's REALLY close with

Likes a few musicals because of Mikey, like CryBaby and Ride of the Cyclone

Loves to show off, mostly to impress people

Plays Valorant with Casey

Bullies little kids on Roblox voice chat

Childhood crushes were on Liv from Liv and Maddie, and Cat from Victorious

Likes to munch on waffle cones when bored

He's too loud or too quiet when speaking during certain times without knowing

Owns a journal, and has the most outrageous handwriting

April

Kids still bully her, but a lot have stopped after the events of the movie

She slowly learns how to get over her stage fright

the CUTEST handwriting when taking notes, the aesthetic school notes with the pastel highlighters

Doodles during class, and tends to doodle Leo when working on her newspapers (AprilNardo>>>)

Lowkey hated Casey before they became BFFs

Goes to her apartment roof when she needs to relax, or when bored

Listens to Lofi Girl when studying

Likes to make small, silly comics for the school newspaper

Loves tot bags, or duffel bags!

She is an only child, but loves to hang out with her parents and relatives. Every weekend, she goes to IHop with her family and invites the turtles and Irma sometimes

[mslanna]

Maybe something about Raphael reacting to Haarlep reading through his diary/journal (this is why you give your incubus enrichment, folks!) and the incubus pointing out the frequency a certain 'little mouse' seems to be appearing as the subject in his writings? Heck, maybe Haarlep even tries to convince Raphael to let them obtain Tav's form so that the cambion can indulge in his little mouse whenever he wants.

What is says on the bos sfw kinda Read it on AO3

Depleted

"How often did I tell you not to do this?" Raphael plucked his diary from Haarlep's hand.

"As often as you caught me," his personal incubus replied. "Which is way not as often as I did it."

They leant back lasciviously, presenting a world of possibilities their master. As usual, Raphael barely noticed. The cambion was more concerned with the content of his diaries. Well, at least this time Haarlep had refrained from drawing naughty sketches into it.

"You really shouldn't leave them lying about like that. It's clearly an invitation." Not that Raphael would notice an invitation if he saw one. Haarlep dialled back the preening and offering. Such a spoilsport and killjoy.

"It was locked away in my desk," Raphael admonished.

"Yes, exactly where I know it will be," Haarlep purred. "That is not even trying to keep me away."

"I also told you not to touch it." The cambion's voice turned hard.

"You tell me that about so many things." Haarlep rose. He stepped behind his master, laid his chin on Raphael's shoulders and wrapped his arms around his middle. Their tail settled around his ankle, it's tip slipping up the trouser leg. "And yet, I touch everything. A lot."

Raphael slapped their hands away when they moved towards his crotch. Stuck-up snitch. What was this if not the prefect set-up for a little powerplay? If he'd chose more enjoyable sex, Raphael would, well, enjoy it more. Haarlep was sure of that. They were among the best.

"You like it," they purred into the cambion's ear. "And I know what you like best. If only you'd relax enough for an orgasm that's actually worth my services."

"Away," Raphael huffed. He did learn that a 'get off' had a very different effect on his incubus.

Still, Haarlep did not let go. "Are you pent up for a somebody special maybe? My little brat looking at another little thing scurrying through his life?" He nibbled at Raphael's ear. "I have seen them come up often in your diary. So, so often. Are we pining?"

"They are an investment, nothing more," Raphael replied gruff.

But even in the sharp rejection, Haarlep saw that they had hit a nerve. "Invested in them, are we? How nice. Do they know about your intentions? Beyond a deal?"

"There are no-" Raphael broke off because Haarlep bit him into the neck. Gently, but determined. In the moment of distraction, they sent their hands below his waist, circling over the inside of his thighs.

"Are you thinking of them now?" Haarlep purred. "Of their little mortal hands on your hot infernal skin? The earthy smell of the material plane and its deaths. What sweet words do you want to hear? Or do you prefer sounds of devout supplication? You can have all of it. Right now."

"You are not Tav." Raphael jerked free of their embrace. "Nothing you offer is close-"

"Ha! I knew it. I always do." Haarlep clapped. "How delightful. The high and mighty cambion has fallen for a stinky, mortal mousling! Are they close to falling into your trap? Will you bring them here to play?"

Raphael stayed silent. He thumbed through the diary, frowning at the sketches of dancing imps and almost suggestive flora.

"I can help you, you know?" Haarlep wound back around their master. "They don't seem too eager to deal with you. But I? I can get close, close enough to strip them of anything in your way to their heart. I can even take their form. Wouldn't that please you?"

Haarlep slipped their arms back around Raphael. "I can get them for you. Soft hands and mewling mouth and all. For you. Whenever you want. However you want. With the greatest enthusiasm. Think about it, my little brat. All the fun with none of the vulnerability."

Raphael didn't move. A good sign. He was considering it. Still, in the end, he pried them off and left the boudoir with a huff. But it was a start. A morsel to tempt the eternally uptight cambion into actual fun times.

Maybe they'd finally get something to do in this horrible place. Haarlep was used to being somebody else and despite the public displays, Raphael harboured little self-love. Pleasure was to be had efficiently, quickly, like any other business. The bloody idiot kept his lust pent up just to release it before he exploded. When there was so much more fun to be had.

But that little mouse cropping up in every other diary entry – Raphael hadn't been that obsessed since Hope. And she, well, she was a hopeless case.

Haarlep returned to the bed and pulled another of Raphael's diaries out from under a pillow. The cambion should really stop hiding them in place they were certain to find them. They'd see to it that they'd get that little mouse's form for their collection – one way or another. If only to scrounge an ounce of emotion out of Raphael for once.

[orginllazyblog]

Headcanon #2

AFK Arena: Gavus, Eugene, liberta, lucilla

Add me for a friend: the_lazy_hero

Eugene was "born" before Annih, the God of death and brother of Dura, entered his villain arc. That would probably make sense in both ways as Eugene can't remember his earliest memories, and Annih first started creating Hypogeans. Which is why Eugene carries a diary to write down his adventures as he tends to forget sometimes.

In one of Eugene's travels, he learn about spices and other seasonings. So when he and Gavus were taking care of the twins when they were toddlers, he made sure to add seasoning whenever Gavus is not looking.

Gavus doesn't know that much of the mortals, only heard a few from other celestials. So Eugene was the one who told him about other faction's culture and history.

When it comes to food, Eugene loves spicy food as it has more kick into it. While Gavus could not handle spicy food at all. For the twins, they did try to eat a spicy dish made by Eugene himself, but it didn't last. At that point, Eugene questioned if the two-devils are his children. (That one scene in the Untamed)

"Kids! I'm making dinner."

"Oh no/Papa Gavus, save us."

After the mid-winter festival, the twins started to hang out with Pippa, Rowan, Raku, Mishka, and Daimon. They would often go to small adventures together or visit each other's place for sleepover. Though they would have to remind their dad's of their whereabouts unless they get grounded again.

Lucilla having long hair gets frustrating. Liberta learns how to do hairstyles so that his sister doesn't do a horrible haircut. She'll maybe ask either Eugene or gavus to shorten her hair for the summer. (people with long hair struggles)

If either the twins get into trouble, Eugene told Gavus to ground them both as it wouldn't be fair to ground one of them.

"Okay, you're both grounded."

"Lucilla, for causing the damages."

"And Liberta for being a snitch."

Eugene probably had horns like Lucilla's, but remove them as he tries to blend in with the mortals. Either he removed it with magic or cut it.

One time, Gavus and Eugene heard cries coming from the living room. When they entered, Lucilla was trying to calm down her brother while apologizing.

Gavus: Lucilla, can you explain why Liberta is crying?

Lucilla:... I may have told him he's adopted.

Eugene: Adopted? Lucilla, you're also adopted too. What makes you think like that?

Liberta: S-she s-said that I don't have pointy ears like you dads. (crying noise)

Oh my god 🤣I need to make a fic of this. I have more ideas put I'll put it together.

[1-queenofpotatoes-1]

Hey so this is my first attempt at a fic please give me any advice you can!!

Pairing: Prince X implied Fem! Thief reader

NO USE OF Y/N

Cw: swearing, slightly suggestive

AN: I’ve got like 0.5 of an idea right now and I just woke up. Please don’t hate it

Midnight. I know it’s a cliche for a thief to enter at midnight but it means that all of the very intimidating and definitely not little puppy’s in big boy clothes guards are asleep, or extremely close to it.

I scour the palace halls for the gem room, I know it’s got a formal name but I’ll be honest I don’t care. And bingo! I’m in. Stuffing everything I can into my threadbare bag before freezing. Fuck. Someone heard me? Why are they coming? Oh shit oh shit oh fuck me sideways shit. I’m so dead!

Hastily I try to escape but a figure is blocking my doorway, definitely male from what I can see, his hair is a mess and sobbing quietly.

A gasp. That’s all that gives me away, one motherfucking gasp and his head whips over to me. Fuck I’m dead. I lived a shitty life and will die a shitty death.

“Who’s there?” He calls. He sounds like he’s crying, what does he have to cry about?

“Nobody!” I say trying to sound intimidating. It does work for a second but he replies with a skeptical

“I am the crown prince I am eternally more powerful than a worthless thief like you”

Wow. Arrogant much? And I bet he’s not a good fuck.

“I am indigo Montoya, you killed my father prepare to die.”

“What? Oh my goodness I’m so sorry! Is that why you’re here? I really don’t want to die though, so how about I let you go with all of those lovely jewels?”

“Have you never watched the princess diaries?”

He shakes his head, still shrouded by shadows.

“Ok I actually cannot see you, so let’s step into the light ok princey?”

He obeys my command, holy shit he obeys my command! The crown prince an arrogant asshole obeys me!

“Wow. You’re actually kinda pretty.” I say momentarily awestruck by his perfectly messy curls, with a shade of blonde that reflect the light from the candles so beautifully.

“Thanks! I’d say the same but I can’t see you. Can I see you?” He asks a faint blush creeps up his cheeks

“Promise you won’t snitch on me?”

He nods his golden curls bouncing in a near pornographic way. It’s like a perfume ad, where the actual product is hardly there. Now I don’t realise that I’m staring or that it’s been a solid minute since I’ve spoken, until his adorable little ‘ahem’ brings me back. God it’s so cute!

“Oh shit right! Yeah” I step forward and he actually flushes red, like blood red.

For a solid minute no one dares to interrupt our taking in of eachothers features.

“You should go. It’s my duty to tell my fath-“

“No. It’s only your duty if you want to tell him.”

“But-“

“no buts princey. I’m not letting you snitch on me.”

He sighs and I see just how tear stained his face is.

“What’s wrong doll?” I ask stepping forward

“It’s just I don’t want to marry some stuck up noble! She doesn’t even like ME, she likes my money and status” his gorgeous face lets out a heartbreaking sob and tears fall rapidly.

Fuck what do I do? Can the gods above tell me? No of fucking course they can’t. And that’s why my arms rap around him holding him close

“Look at me darling. You’re ok, I know it’s bad. Ok?”

His gorgeous sea blue eyes well up and spill as he buries his head into the crook of neck

“You know you could leave, darling, with me. We could sail off into the sunset together”

He stares at my face trying to see any lie in my words “why are you so nice to me?”

“ Don’t worry about that my sweet, do you want to come with me?”

He hesitantly nods.

“We need to go, now”

I grab his slender wrist and run through the castle, out the gates and into the thick Forrest. I kiss him, softly, and he holding my hands, kisses back.

“Let’s go my love.”

Centuries later tales will be told of the disappearing crown prince, but we will know exactly what happened.

If you like it please like and/or repost! Thank you!!

🩵🩵🩵

[tinkerbelldetective]

Iconic and Amusing Victor Moments

Playing an Egyptian(?) board game with Mr. Sweet

His face and reaction and stepping back and "Wha-wha-what?" when Willow hugs him

Including Mick in his disciplinary "get to your rooms" before whipping around confused "Mick Campbell?"

Bursting through the door when Mick and Mara are having their date

Cuddling with Corbiere

He just really likes that raven. Petting it. Talking to it. Thinking about its safety.

Immediately rushing down the ladder when Amber feins fainting and asking if she'd been doing a fad diet

Awkwardly telling off Fabian and Nina when they're having 'a lover's tif' and backing out the door

Slinking back behind the corner during the senet game

Bringing a rose for Sarah.

His license plate

Knocking out Rufus and throwing him in a van

Pinning Rufus against the wall

Going on a tangent about the children (Alfie in particular) and leaving his office

"He's going to regret messing with me."

Having a surprisingly soft tone of voice when he asks Amber, Nina, and Fabian why they were in the cellar in s2

Mildly concerned when he sees the Mark on Nina's arm "For your sake I hope it does [come off]."

Warming up his voice ??? When Fabian covers up Sibuna shenanigans by asking if he would do a voice over

When he's in the tunnels being snarky about RFS like he has a rivalry against him (he literally let you eat at his table with his family, Victor. Chill)

The fact this man did hopscotch (should have made room to show that in the episode)

"Who, me?" Slamming the book shut and saying he was doing light reading when Vera enters his office to see if he was researching a task.

Kissing Vera's forehead all tenderly

His reaction to losing Alfie in the senet game. "Release them!"

Wearing an apron and making breakfast

Alfie pretending to choke and Victor, believing him, slapping him on the back and sending him out to get a glass of water.

Essentially calling Jerome a snitch in front of everyone at Mick and Amber's party: "I know I can count on you, Jerome."

"Alfie Lewis, would you like a slice of chocolate cake?" *whips around*

"I have your father on speed dial."

Reading Amber's diary and the passage about him, slamming the diary shut, and then checking himself in the mirror.

"If those miscreants can do it..." before crossing the crocodile bridge

"Yes, you listen to this old man."

"It is 10 O'clock. You have five minutes precisely, and then I want to hear.. a pin.. drop."

[keithisbae1]

AU: High school student Sakura wakes up and finds herself in the future married to the bad boy Sasuke Uchiha. It was almost like she was watching through someone else's eyes.

The way she kissed her husband's cheek lovingly before he went off to work and drove her -their- daughter Sarada to school.

What the hell was this? She was top of the class and had a reputation to uphold.

She couldn't marry him.

She wakes up and is certain that it was all just a dream, nothing more. Well, it's not like she had anything to worry about considering they’ve never spoken to each other before.

Except she finds it difficult to concentrate in school the next day and would find herself staring at him on occasion.

It's just a dream Sakura, your overthinking.

It doesn't help that she hears and sees things that link to the dream 

"I like the name Sarada."

Sakura stiffens not able to help herself overhearing. Why were they talking about names for their children when they were fourteen?

Sakura excuses herself from her friends going up to his table. She'll just have to take things into her own hands then. 

All the boys stopped talking as she approached confused as to why the goody girl she was would.

"I hate the name Sarada!"

And walked away.

There! Now she ruined all their chances and he probably found it weird that she randomly went to their table like this. 

If Sakura kept doing things like this, Sasuke Uchiha would never look her way.

It was perfect.

Sakura mentally patted herself on the back well done for the idea as she sat back at the lunch table her friends were at. 

They were looking at her weirdly but she was too pleased with herself to care.

"Uh, what was that about?" Naruto finally asked looking at Sasuke. He just shrugged and they continued on their discussion of their fictional future children's names. 

Except what Sakura didn't know was that every little action of trying to put Sasuke off her to change their future only made him interested in her more. 

Like just imagine how chaotic Sakura would be 😭 Going around doing anything to stop Sasuke from being interested in her.

She knows he smokes up on the school's rooftop so she goes up to purposely annoy him, giving lectures about how smoking is bad so that he would hate her. Only for him to be intrigued by her.

She read in the diary about a time Sasuke took her to the nurse's office because she got hit on the face by a football. So she stayed in the class far away from the school's football pitch on the day of a match. 

Only the boys were messing and playing with one in the halls and Suigetsu accidentally kicked in the class and which is how it landed smacked against her face tipping her off the chair.

Sasuke offered to take her to the nurse's office and didn't leave her side missing the match. 

She would purposely go out on her way to snitch on Sasuke, calling him out to the class and in front of the teachers. Because everyone hates snitches but he was completely chill and just found her amusing.

No matter what it always backfired. 

They graduated high school and Sakura thinks that she succeeded because they weren't together and he didn't try to approach her asking for a date.

When the reality was they didn't actually get together until their 20s where they bumped into each other once again in a coffee shop with Sasuke being the one to ask if she was interested in meeting up sometime.

[kitchen-box]

You know when I said I would update on the dark sides reaction if Harry was pining on Voldemort.

Yeah, I only meant Snape.

Only to make things clear here

Harry has s crush on Voldemort in every form

Quirell? The most beautiful man EVER with a pretty sick turban too bad it hurts when he looks at it for too long

Diary Tom? That's basically canon

Ginny while possessed by diary Tom? Harry is veeery confused why he notices Ron's sister is pretty only sometimes

Snake Voldemort? I mean, I heard the Victorian era women used to want to have really white skin so they marinated it in powder. And he is OLD. So maybe he saw his mother put it on and he liked it so he decided to recreate the look??? Who cares?! It's the '90, for Merlin's saggy tits... Is Harry a monster fucker??

The rest of the horcruxes? They really are veeery pretty. Even more than that 100 karate necklace on the teli that aut Petunia was dropping hints to wanting

P.S.:'words' are thoughts ;'words' are Parseltongue also words are actions and gestures but you get that from context already

Anyways, to get back on track with Dark Side *coughs* Snape *coughs*

I want to make memes featuring Snape having meltdowns from to much stress from this bullshit.

So I am going to make memes

First year

Harry *staring at Quirell*: singh's audibly

Snape, begining to feel uncomfortable: glares to establish dominance

Harry, startled, not knowing what else to do: waves awkwardly

Quirell, also startled: waves back

Harry, lovestruck: giggles and accidentally spills his drink over Ron

Ron, who has the emotional range of a spoon: annoyed gremlin noises

Snape, recognising that look anywhere: drops his fork

Dumbledore, literal genius, watching the whole time: confused headmaster noises

Second Year

Snape, bringing potions to the infirmary because Harry bloody Potter and co. decided to fight a basilisk and there are literal petrified children (in this day and age): 'How the fuck did I get here?'

Harry, who doesn't have glasses and is high af, seeing Snape walk past his bed: Wanna hear about the really pretty boy I killed??

Snape: stops walking and stares at Harry

Harry, still high on some kind of medical fairy dust: He had a really handsome face. It was too perfect now that I think about it. That should have been my first sign that he was Voldemort trapped in a diary

Snape having an urgent need to sit down: tears up from stress

Harry 'I one mistook Dumbledore for a snitch' Potter: Well not really Voldemort, 16 year old him, but it was Voldemort so I said Voldemort. Anyways you should have seen his eyes. They were really pretty. Like I would have joined him if he asked me to, just so I could look at his eyes forever...

Snape, sits down on the foot of Harry's bed: Shhh, shhhh. Oh, would you look at the time? It's time to shut the fuck up and go to bed.

Snape: tucks Harry into bed and pat's his cheek semi- lovingly

Snape: It's also time for a bottle of fire whiskey. Ruffles Harry's hair in hope he'll finally go to bed and not tell him how handsome the Dark Lord is

Harry, not really understanding what is going on but this man is nice even if he is blurry so he'll do as the nice man asks: okay

Harry: Can you also gime me a kiss?

Snape: Ask Albus

Harry: Okay, who's Albus??

Snape: ...

Snape: Just go to bed before anyone gets hurt

Harry: Who's gonna get hurt?

Snape, full bullshitting mode at this point: The pretty boy you killed

Harry: le gasp

Harry, very seriously: Plot twist

Snape, also very seriously, nodding in agreement: Fucking plot twist

[harleysplayground]

CW ⚠️

I gave myself a real life rat smile (to violent for social media, even with filters) in 2023 and punished myself for snitching on my abusers..then wrote "I hate existing, I'm a loser when I look in the mirror I see a monster who should have died in the womb instead of my siblings, it was always my fault."

photography from my actual REAL LIFE diary I lost and wrote in 2023 as well as my message written in the mirror when I snapped and became the joker for a brief few hours♦️♥️

The playlist is based off of Harley Quinn and The Joker 🃏

1. JOKER Remix - Harley Talks with the Joker in Arkham.

2. Mad Love - the sick psychotic love that is their trauma bond.

3. Why do I stay? - Harley admits she enjoys the torture she is given by the joker because she is a massaichist.

4. Joker - origins part 1

5. Joker Returns - origins part 2

[officialsporkintheroad]

Dear Diary

Fandom: Harry Potter

Pairing: one-sided Tom Riddle/Harry Potter | one-sided Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter | one-sided Ginny Weasley/Harry Potter | one-sided Myrtle Warren/Harry Potter

Warnings: Canon-typical Violence, Tom being a murderous psycho, strong language

Summary: Everything Tom Riddle knows about Harry Potter came to him second-hand from the morons in love with the boy.

---

Despite what one might think, Tom Riddle did not first hear of Harry Potter from Ginny Weasley’s fruitlessly pathetic ramblings on her crush.

No.

He learned the cursed name, Harry Potter, from Draco Malfoy’s fruitlessly pathetic ramblings on his crush.

But let’s back up a moment. It started like this:

It was three weeks to the start of his second year and Draco was in a mood.

(If any of his dormmates had been consulted, they would argue that Draco was almost always in a Mood, capital “m” intended, and that really you’d be better off saving your breath and counting the times he wasn’t having some sort of a fit.)

Three weeks left of summer hols and Draco was still struggling to fully master his new Nimbus 2001. Which was a necessity if he was going to make Slytherin seeker—and he would, he had to, he had to beat Potter. Potter, who had already been made Gryffindor seeker a whole year ahead. When first years weren’t even supposed to be on the house teams or have their own brooms!

All of which he was dead set on ranting about to his father, if only because Father would sneer and huff about Potter too while Mother would merely hum and say, “Draco dear, if the boy matters so much to you, why don’t you write him?”

Except his father wasn’t in his office when Draco went to check. And he knew his father’s study was supposed to be off limits when he wasn’t home, though the particular reasoning as to why had long been forgotten. But he was just so…so irritated.

And there, sitting on a pile of things father had set aside to take to Borgin & Burke’s in light of the more aggressive dark-artifact raids that had been happening lately, sat a perfectly blank diary. Completely unused.

Rubbish, Draco thought, admiring his father’s cleverness because the scheme was obvious: convince Borgin that the diary was some dark artifact and sell it for a decent sum when in truth it was nothing more than a bit of leatherbound parchment that had once belonged to some…Tom Riddle bloke.

Normally, Draco might’ve been put off in using something that was clearly second-hand, but if he only used it to write about Potter…and if he ripped those pages out afterward and burned them…well, what did it matter? He needed to get the words out somehow and this seemed as good an option as any.

So he took it, the diary that belonged to Tom Riddle. And for the first time in 50 years, magic began to stir within the pages.

“Stupid Potter with his stupid curly hair that’s all dark and soft. And his stupid green eyes, looking like emeralds. How ridiculous. And his stupid little smile, the one that’s all smug and his teeth are stupidly straight. And when he’s riding on his stupid broom doing flips in the air—who stands on a broom to catch a snitch? In his mouth?”

Tom could feel himself losing braincells.

Truly, the only thing stopping Tom from outright murdering the insipid child for using his diary for this drivel was the fact that the magical signature was so clearly a nice dark gray. It would be a shame to kill off a potential ally just because they were young and stupid. With any luck, they’d grow up to be powerful and at least slightly less stupid, and even if this trite crush on the thrice-damned Potter persisted, at least the Potters were a pureblood family who had been known to marry in with the Blacks before.

“That is quite ridiculous,” Tom wrote back, because it was always best to seem in agreement with people you were hoping to manipulate. “My name is Tom Riddle. May I ask how you came upon my diary?”

There was a flicker of surprise, hesitation, considering.

“It was on my father’s desk,” the child wrote eventually. “And I’m Draco Malfoy, heir of the Malfoy family.”

“Ah, a pleasure. I knew Abraxas Malfoy quite well when we were in school.”

“Really? He was my grandfather.”

That was quite a bit more time than Tom had been expecting. At his last true memory, Abraxas had only been 16 himself and it was hard to imagine him older, perhaps graying—not that you’d be able to tell, really, with the Malfoy platinum blond—not only married but with children. With grandchildren, Merlin’s beard. He did the math quickly and estimated it must have been at least 40-50 years since he’d made the diary then.

He wondered where his other self was, if he’d accomplished everything he set out to do. If he’d made more horcruxes, the seven they’d planned on.

“And who’s this boy you’re rambling about then?” Even if the nonsense about the Potter child was useless, it was always good to build rapport, let Draco think Tom was interested in what he had to say, that Tom could be trusted. Then he could ask what he really wanted to know.

“Harry Potter. He’s an arrogant snob who thinks he’s better than everyone just because he was supposed to have defeated the Dark Lord as a baby—”

If Tom had any sense of bodily functions trapped in the diary, he would have just choked. As it was, he felt frozen with dread and fury and confusion all blending together. The Potter boy had done what?

“—if you buy into that. Father says it’s just Dumbledore’s propaganda and that the Dark Lord isn’t really dead, so that means that Potter’s just full of shit I mean he’s not nearly as impressive as he thinks he is. Can you believe he refused to shake my hand? As if he, a half-blood, was better than me.”

Just what the hell had happened while Tom had been trapped away in the diary? Clearly his other self had fallen far if he’d been bested by a baby.

At least it seemed that Abraxas’s son was still loyal if he truly believed Voldemort wasn’t gone. And trusted with guarding a piece of Voldemort’s soul, no less.

Yes, Tom was confident the elder Malfoy would do what was needed to sort this mess out.

---

Tom was most definitely not confident in the elder Malfoy. The man was a moron.

Case in point: he’d given away the diary to miserable little mouse of a first-year named Ginny-not-Ginevra. If he was feeling generous, perhaps he would have allowed that this might be a plan to offer up a life-force for Tom to feed off of, maybe even give him the opportunity to open the Chamber of Secrets again. Tom was not feeling generous, however, and so the elder Malfoy was going to suffer immensely once Tom got out of this damned book.

Because what were the odds of the only two people writing in his diary in the past 50 years both having a crush on the same boy, who also happened to be the person allegedly responsible for killing Tom’s counterpart.

If he had to hear one more word about Harry Potter…

“He’s so nice and sweet and handsome. He said hello to me that morning at breakfast, his smile so warm. And his eyes…they’re so green. Like—”

Let me guess, emeralds, Tom thought to himself, eyes rolling.

“—like a fresh-pickled toad. Oh. That could be a good poem, don’t you think Tom?”

Poetry. Dear God. No.

Was this some sort of cosmic justice for making a horcrux? If so, Tom was almost tempted to wish he could take it back.

“Hm. His eyes are green as a fresh-pickled toad/His hair…hm…his hair is dark as…a blackboard. Yes. I like that. And of course he’s so heroic too, defeating You-Know-Who and ending the war. I wonder if he’s like all the heroes in the stories? You know, romantic and noble.”

“Perhaps if you talked to him, you might find out,” Tom offered, trying to keep the snippiness out of his writing. Regardless of whether it was the elder Malfoy’s intention or not, Tom was going to take advantage of this situation to make his great return. Starting with the terror of opening the Chamber, petrifiying as many mudbloods as possible. Then he’d suck the life out of Ginny-not-Ginevra so that she’d never have to burden another soul with her incessant, inane chatter.

And if he was very, very lucky, he’d get the chance to kill Harry Potter too, and he’d make it hurt.

“Oh no. I could never just talk to Harry. What would I even say? He’s too cool. He’d never even make time for someone like me.”

But in the meantime, perhaps Tom could still have some fun.

“Then you must make him see you. Perhaps once you finish your poem, you could send it to him.”

“That’s a great idea, Tom! You’re the best!”

---

Somehow, Ginny-not-Ginevra had cottoned onto the fact that Tom was controlling her. A pity, too, since she’d been so very easy to bend to his will. Her mind was weak, feeble, and it had taken next to nothing to possess her.

Perhaps he’d dragged it out too long. If he’d ended her sooner, she wouldn’t have had the chance to throw him into the women’s loo. The indignity of it was unparalleled, and for that, Ginny-not-Ginevra was going to die slowly, painfully, and screaming.

Especially since Myrtle Warren—who had been enough of a blight upon humanity in his own time—was still loitering around the bathroom where she’d died. On the plus side, she was intangible and therefore couldn’t write. That small measure of good news was massively outweighed by the fact that as a spirit with a very strong tie to the mortal realm, Myrtle Warren was capable of projecting her thoughts. Right. Into. Tom’s. Diary.

Not that she knew she was doing it, but still.

“It’s so miserably lonely here. If only Harry would come back. He’s so handsome and so nice. The nicest boy I’ve ever met. Maybe he’ll die and want to share the bathroom with me. Oh! Maybe he’ll drown in the tub—”

There was a lot to unpack there and Tom wasn’t going to touch any of it. Instead, he tried to project his own murderous intent as loudly as possible to get her to shut the hell up, but either it wasn’t a two-way radio or Myrtle’s own whining was too loud to let anything else through.

If I could kill her again, I would, he thought uncharitably when she started scream-sobbing loud enough to wake the dead.

---

If it had been anyone else—anyone else—Tom would have been relieved to have been picked up off the floor of the bathroom and laid out to dry on a nice desk somewhere warm. But…

“Hello. My name is Harry Potter.”

He’d fucking had it with Harry fucking Potter.

Yes, the boy was decent enough not to ramble and instead got straight to the point. Blunt, though not rude. Curious, if naïve and too trusting. And when Tom had pulled Harry into his diary, the boy’s magic was not the blinding brightness he’d expected from the light’s savior but dove gray. Balanced and soft and—

And Harry Potter was a disappointingly average, useless boy who Tom would not waste another moment on.

He would lure Ginny-not-Ginevra back to him, use her life force to regain a body of his own, and then…

Then, the world would be his.

---

“Ginny. Ginny, please wake up—”

“She won’t wake,” Tom said, stepping out of the shadows.

There, finally in front of him in the flesh, stood Harry Potter. Perhaps Tom should have expected it—didn’t everyone say Harry was heroic, self-sacrificing, a fearless savior? Still, he hadn’t really thought…Harry, able to find the Chamber, able to speak the parseltongue to open it, traverse the passageways only to arrive here, alone and woefully unprepared, and yet somehow still fierce.

Dark hair curling against pale skin, smudge with dirt and grime and looking all the more battle-ready for it. Spark-bright eyes; they really were an almost alarming shade of green. Like the killing curse itself. And yet the most compelling element—something which had to be seen in person to be understood, the very thing that had been missing from all of the disgustingly lovelorn descriptions of Harry—was the angry, sharp, vicious something hiding underneath that veneer of goodness.

Tom wanted to dig his fingers into it and bring it to the surface, rip away all the unnecessary heroism and pretense of goodness, carve until all the was left were the shimmering gems of potential buried not-so-deep in the boy. Tom could do it, too. Harry would not be easy to bend to his will, not like Ginny-not-Ginevra, not like his schoolfellows, not like the teachers he wrapped around his fingers.

No. Harry Potter would be a challenge, and—

Oh.

Oh.

Oh no.

[icommitedcrimesasatoaster]

Incorrect quotes , MY FAVORITE! (kill me.)

(From a generator)

Techno: Hey, do you know anyone who can teach me to play the trumpet? Kanade: Why? Techno: I want to wander around playing it to annoy Cody. Kanade: Technically, you don’t actually need to know how to play the trumpet well for that. Techno: Kanade, you have opened my eyes.

Techno: Katara, you need to calm down. Katara, slamming their fists on the table: BUT HOW CAN IT BE "BIRTHDAY CAKE" FLAVOR IF A BIRTHDAY CAKE CAN BE ANY FLAVOR?!

Cody: I’m going to hell. Techno: Probably. Cody: I'll pick you up? Techno: nodding Carpool.

Tommy: Can I have some? Cody, mouth full of cheesecake: It's really spicy, you wouldn't like it.

Cody, dashing into the room: WHY AREN’T THE DISHES IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER?! Katara: …What does that even mean?!

Techno: Katara, what do you value about Tommy? Katara: They’re thoughtful. They pick flowers and bring them to me. Often they’re ones I’ve just planted, but… Tommy: That’s how I know they’re fresh!

Kanade: Is the plural of milf/dilf milfs/dilfs or milves/dilves? Tommy: Milfs. Cody: Milf/dilf is an acronym, you can't change the spelling to milves/dilves. Kanade: Wait, they're acronyms? What do they stand for??? Katara: Mom in late forties, dad in late fourties. Katara: I learned that from the movie called M.I.L.F that I saw the trailer of in theaters probably 5 to 7 years ago. Cody: Mom/dad I'd Love to Fuck. Kanade: WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK— Kanade: I NEVER REALIZED IT WAS ACTUALLY HORNY! Katara: Oh, is it not mom in late fouries? Tommy: What? No! It isn't! Katara: THE MOVIE TRAILER LIED TO ME! Cody: Katara… Katara: THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T THINK CALLING PEOPLE MILFS WAS ALL THAT BAD BECAUSE IT STOOD FOR SOMETHING HARMLESS IT JUST HAD A SLIGHTLY SEXUAL CONNOTATION! Cody: I am entirely unsurprised that this is coming from you. Katara: KANADE, DOES IT MAKE SENSE WHY I CALLED THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID MOM A MILF NOW BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS LITERALLY JUST A DESCRIPTOR WITH FUNNY CONNOTATION! Kanade: The word milf has been ruined for me. Tommy: THAT'S ITS DEFINITION, IT CAN'T BE RUINED THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS! Cody: Y'all are dumbasses.

Techno: Theater kids are just choir kids who joined forces with the band and strings kids.

Tommy: It’s not gonna work, I’m not a snitch. Cop: Fine, let's try something else. Tag a friend you recently committed a crime with. Tommy: Lmao, @Katara.

Katara: Plants are basically the ideal friends. They are quiet, friendly, and easy to please. All they need is a little water and fresh earth, and they are perfectly happy to lie there all day in the sun. And they don’t make increasingly awful life choices, or hide their relationships. They have never, as far as I know, fucked a bee.

Kanade: Shouldn't get stressed out, it's not good for the baby. Katara: What baby? Kanade, crying a bit: Me.

Tommy: Wake me up- Kanade: Before you go go Katara: When September ends Techno: WAKE ME UP INSIDE

Katara, to Tommy: Well, one of us has to be wrong and it’s not going to be me.

Katara: Techno, keep an eye on Tommy today. They're going to say something to the wrong person and get punched. Techno: Sure, I'd love to see Tommy getting punched. Cody: Try again. Techno, sighing: I will try to stop Tommy from getting punched.

Cody: If karma doesn't hit you, I fucking will.

Everyone is playing a board game together Techno: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'. Kanade: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'. Katara: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'. Cody: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC'. Katara: flips the board

Techno: Katara, get that hidious thing out of the living room, would you? Katara: Tommy, Techno wants you to get out of the house.

Tommy: Cody isn’t answering my messages. Kanade: Allow me. Tommy: I tried 6 times, what makes you thi- Cody: replying to message Hello.

Cody: I’m terrible at expressing myself. Katara: Don’t worry, actions speak louder than words! Cody: Yes, but my actions are also bad.

Katara: You know you can die from that, right? Techno: smoking a cigarette That’s the point. Cody: drinking alcohol We’re trying to speed this up. Kanade: Eating raw cookie dough and nodding

Cody with a gun to Techno's head: What happens if I pull this trigger? Heaven? Techno: Bold of you to assume I'll go to Heaven.

Techno: If you don't stop talking, I'm going to jump out of that window. Cody: …We're on the ground floor. Techno: I know but I want a dramatic exit.

Katara: The results are in, I’m afraid you have updog… Kanade: What’s updog? Katara: Tommy! Get in here, I told you I could do it!

Tommy: HEY HEY HEY! DON’T TOUCH THOSE! Kanade, touching a figurine: Why? What’s wrong with touching a doll? Tommy: THAT IS NOT A DOLL! This is a figurine, thank you very much. Katara, from afar: IT’S JUST A STIFF DOLL! Kanade: FIGURINE MY ASS! IT’S JUST A STIFF DOLL— as Katara said! Tommy: I hate all of you. That is a limited edition figurine I got from a conventio— Kanade: Drops figurine on the ground Tommy: —n. It was $100; all my money just went down the fucking drain.

Tommy: Let's all agree that going up the stairs on all fours is actually the best experience on earth. Katara: Conversely, going down the stairs on all fours is actually the most terrifying experience on earth.

Kanade: How do you do that? Techno: I'm fearless. Tommy: I saw you run from bees yesterday. You flailed around and tripped over a chair. It was both hysterical and sad. Techno: I'm mostly fearless.

Police: You’re under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle. Techno, with Cody and Tommy behind them: Wait, what do you mean THREE?! Police: Yes…three. Techno: Oh, my God— What the fuck!? Police: Wha- Techno: Kanade FUCKING FELL OFF!

Cody: When I met you I thought you were a real bitch. Techno: What changed your mind? Cody: Oh, I still think you’re a bitch, I’ve just grown to like that about you.

Techno: Are we really going to let Tommy keep Kanade? Cody: We kept Katara.

Kanade: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast? Katara: Several traffic violations. Tommy: Three counts of resisting arrest. Cody: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks. Techno: Also, that’s not our car.

Kanade: What do rainbows mean to you? Tommy: Gay rights. Katara: There's money. Techno: The sign of God's promise to never destroy the whole Earth with a flood. Cody: It is an optical phenomenon that separates sunlight into its continuous spectrum when the sun shines on raindrops.

In a group chat Kanade: A pegan just flew into my window. Katara: Pegan? Cody: A what? Tommy: Ah yes, my favourite bird, Pegan. Techno: I thought you said penguin for a second, LMAO! Tommy: Just a normal day with flying penguins crashing into my window. Techno: You have pigeons flying into your window? Can't relate, I have penguins flying into my window. Kanade: I literally just made a typo-

Kanade: Did you bring Techno? Tommy, gesturing to Katara: No, but I brought the next best thing. Kanade: Katara? The next best thing would be Cody. Katara: I would be offended, but Cody is freakishly strong.

Cody: You three, explain right now! Techno: It was Tommy. Katara: It was Tommy. Kanade: It was Tommy. Tommy: ** Tommy:** …fuck.

Katara: Anyone d- Cody: Depressed? Tommy: Drained? Kanade: Dumb? Techno: Disliked? Katara: -done with their work… what is wrong with you people…

Cody: Does everyone know their job for today? Kanade: Water the flowers. Katara: Vacuum the carpet. Techno: Wash the dishes. Tommy: Pretend to be a wolverine. Cody: Close enough.

Kanade: Why cant trees give off something important like wifi?? Techno: So fuck oxygen, I guess.

Kanade: Do you feel any better? Tommy: I feel much better now that you here with me. Katara walks in Tommy: I feel half better.

Katara: Are you good? Techno: In what sense? Katara: Generally. Techno: Oh, definitely not.

Cody: We’ll find another route, it’s not safe for amateur adventurers. Tommy: That sounds like a challenge. Cody: I have to stress, that is not a challenge. Tommy: …Is exactly what you say to dissuade the weak of heart from accepting the challenge. Well, challenge accepted! Cody: There is no challenge!

Cody: I love murder mysteries! Techno, trying to impress them: I've been a suspect in four murder cases.

Cody: The saying “it is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission” no longer applies to Techno.

Tommy: Here is my wall of inspirational people. Cody: Is that a picture of you? Tommy: Yes, I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.

Tommy: Say no to drugs. Tommy: Say yes to drugs. Tommy: It doesn't matter if you say yes or no to drugs, cause if you're talking to drugs… then you're on drugs.

Cody: You really believe in Tommy? Kanade: Luckily, they believe in themself enough for the both of us.

Tommy: I wouldn’t wish that upon my worse enemy! Tommy: Unless of course. . We’re talking about my enemy, Katara. Fuck you Katara, you know what you did!

Cody: trying to get five seconds of sleep Tommy, poking Cody’s arm: Cody Cody. Cody. Cody. Cody: WHAT? Tommy: …We’re out of Capri Suns—

Cody, about to leave the house: Don’t spend all day watching YouTube, okay? Tommy: I FORGE MY OWN PATH!!

Kanade: Last week, Techno tried to flush a live lobster down the toilet "because it worked for Nemo".

Cody: I’m telling you, my team is competent. Tommy, rushing in: Cody! Kanade tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!

Katara: You guys worried about Cody? Tommy: Totally! Kanade: Yeah, they called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?" Katara: And what'd you say? Kanade: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno." Tommy: Katara: They're lucky to have you as a friend.

Cody: talking about Tommy’s funeral You do know we’re burying a great person today! Techno, shocked: Did someone else die?

Techno: About to do something incredibly stupid Cody: I know I can't stop you, but I won't let you go by yourself.

after discussing a plan Techno: Does anyone have any questions? Cody: Is this legal? Techno: Does anyone have any relevant questions?

Tommy: Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk. Techno: Go the fuck to sleep Tommy.

Tommy: What if I lied this whole time and I'm actually 18? Katara: Tommy, stop trying to get drugs. Tommy: Don't suppress my interests.

Cody: When life gives you lemons, what do you do? Katara: Make lemonade! Cody: No, throw them back up in the sky and make life deal with it’s own shit.

Tommy: If I were a drink, I'd be Cherry Vanilla Coke. If you were a drink, what would you be? Techno: Bleach. Cody: Sewage. Tommy: …Please calm down, edgelords.

Techno: That’s a crazy idea. Insane. It doesn’t make sense. Tommy: You’ll do it? Techno: Of course.

Techno: Heh, Cody sneezes like a girl. Cody: How about I pound you like boy? Cody: That didn’t come out right.

Tommy: pulls back the curtain while Cody is showering Tommy: Hey did we - stop screaming it’s me - did we run out of Cheerios?

Tommy: I’m a reverse necromancer! Techno: Isn’t that just- Katara: No. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. You are literally so fucking unfunny that it hurts. It physically hurts my body knowing that people still think murder is funny. I cant believe im saying this but do you guys know how chronically online you all are, thinking that saying “oOh iM a rEVeRsE nECrOmANcER i LOvE tO kiLL pEOpLe” is genuinely funny and will get everyone in the room shitting themselves from laughter?? cause its not. It’s fucking not. In fact, its the unfunniest fucking joke ever. Not just any joke about killing people. This one specifically. Its so unfunny and stupid. Nobody is fucking laughing at that, Tommy. It makes you look like a greasy emo kid who has never been outside once in their life and uses tumblr religiously. Like not even the funny side of tumblr. the fucking unfunny side filled with overused jokes about murder and illegal acts. Honestly, youre so unfunny, Tommy. Fuck you.

Katara: Oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers! Techno: Please, just say fuck.

Kanade: Today, Tommy said a swear word, so Cody said that they were going to wash Tommy's mouth out with soap. Tommy replied, “It’s okay, I like the taste of soap”. Turns out, they’ve been putting soap on their lips to blow bubbles.

Cody: Is it just me or is instant ramen even better uncooked? Kanade: It’s just you.

Cody: What happened to Tommy? Kanade: They died. Cody: They what? Kanade: They died, but they’re okay. Cody: …Can you please clarify? Tommy: Clarification is for the weak.

Cody: What is the most illegal thing you can do with one gold? Techno: Exchange it for a hundred copper, put them all in a sock, and then beat someone to death with it.

Tommy: Coca Cola can remove rust from metal, imagine what it’s doing to your body. Kanade: Pfff, getting rid of the rust, idiot. Tommy: THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS! Cody: Hmm… I've been drinking soda and my body's rust free… not sure where you're getting your facts from…

Cody: Tell them to eat shit, Kanade. Kanade: Tell them yourself. Cody: Eat shit, asshole. Fall of your horse.

Cody: This is a bad idea. Techno: Then why are you coming along? Cody: Someone has to get your injured ass home.

Cody: And have you learnt anything this Christmas, Kanade? Kanade: …Not really. Cody: Nothing? Kanade: Tell you one thing I have learnt—Christmas; ultimately, commercial holiday. Who's the real winner at Christmas? Amazon. they have drones now! Tiny little dystopian slaves delivering iPads and headphones. I ordered a toaster; It was on the doorstep five hours later! Do we need that? It was 4.99! For a toaster! I mean, someone's being exploited there.

Techno: Play to your strengths. Kanade: I haven’t got any!

Techno: What’s your biggest fear? Katara: I am incredibly arachnophobic. Techno, under their breath: You don’t want spiders to get married?

Tommy: What can therapy do for me that screaming in my car for 30 minutes can’t?

Kanade: You believe me? Techno: Kanade, you’re the last good person on this planet. I‘d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.

Cody, texting Tommy: Text me when you’re home safely. Tommy: I’m home dangerously. Cody: Stop it. Tommy: I’m home lethally.

Tommy: You’re insane! Katara: Sure I am, what’s your point?

Cody: What do you call disobeying the law? The Squad: A hobby. Cody: crosses their arms The Squad: That we do not engage in.

Tommy: You have your weirdly sincere humility. Kanade: I prefer the term "self-loathing", actually.

Techno: I truly hate it here <3 Katara: Now replace “it” with “women”. Not so funny now, is it? Tommy: Now replace “it” with “women”. Not so funny now, is women? Kanade: Now replace “funny” with “women”. Not so women now, is funny? Cody: I’m having a fucking stroke. Tommy: Now replace “stroke” with “baby”. Congratulations! Tommy: I’d like to live through a week that’s not a whole new verse of “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”

Techno: Editor's note: What the fuck?

Katara: You’re charged with…..breaking into a pet store? Techno: I thought the animals might be lonely.

Cody: So what are your political beliefs? Kanade, awkwardly trying to impress them: Well, I think Pikachu would be a lot more powerful if he had a gun.

Kanade: Remember everyone, violence is never the answer. Techno: You're right, Kanade.. Violence can't be the answer. Kanade: Correct, Techno. Now, on to the next lesso- Techno: Violence is the question. Techno: And the answer is yes! Kanade: Techno, no!!

Techno: How do ethical philosophers feel about murder? Cody: Well, it’s frowned upon. Techno: Okay, but what if the reason you want to murder someone is to make your life easier? Techno: That’s okay, right?

Katara: Good morning. Cody: Good morning. Tommy: Good morning. Techno: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit. Kanade: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS!

Katara: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff. Kanade: I witnessed the dumb stuff. Techno: I recorded the dumb stuff. Tommy: I joined you in the dumb stuff. Cody: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!

Kanade: I think I did fairly well on my anatomy quiz! 🙂 Techno: I forgot I was doing a test. Kanade: Techno. Techno: I said the vertebrae was the back stick because I thought it was funny…. Cody: Techno.

Kanade: I’ve been here in jail so long I think I’ve lost my mind. Kanade: The days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months. Kanade: How long have I been in here now? Almost a year? Tommy: This is Monopoly. (Ref to kanade always being in jail)

Tommy: Hey Katara, check out this funny .GIF I found! Katara: It’s pronounced “jif”. Tommy: Huh? Katara: “Dot jif”, like the peanut butter. The creator said so. Tommy: That’s dumb, it’s Graphics Interchange Format. Katara: The P in .JPEG stands for “photographic”, but I bet you don’t say “J-pheg”. Tommy: “P” on its own isn’t pronounced like “F”, that’s totally different! Katara: It’s exactly the same! Tommy: Name one word that starts with “G” pronounced like “J”. Katara: Gentrification. Tommy: Shoot, should have thought of that. I was just in San Francisco. Katara: For your logic to be consistent, you’d have to say “skuh-bah” (scuba) or “lah-seer” (laser)! Tommy: Yeah? Well, you’d have to say “J-pej”! Tommy: …Wait, “laser” is an acronym? Katara: Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation. Tommy: Huh. Didn’t know that. Tommy: You’re still wrong, though. Katara: You just hate me because I’m right. Tommy: I just hate you in general. Katara: You mean in “geh-neral”? Tommy: Ugh, I’m “joing” to kill you!

Tommy: I have locked Cody in a cage designed by their own art. Oh, they have been well and truly hoist by their own petard. Techno: Could you put it another way? I didn’t understand a word of that. Tommy: I’m blackmailing them. Techno: Oh, happy days.

Techno: Guys! I found a 100 dollar bill! Techno: looks around ….Should I keep it? Katara: Techno, just do the right thing. Tommy: And put in your bag. Katara: No—

Cody: Question, how difficult would it be to bowl in a bee suit? Kanade: Not that hard, I don't think, as long as you can move. Techno: I'd assume as hard as it is to bowl in a maid outfit. Techno: Wouldn't be any harder, but you'd get some WEIRD looks. Tommy: Are. Are you speaking from experience. Techno: No! Techno: Techno: ….Maybe.

Cody: Remember! Curiosity killed the cat! Techno: Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So yes, Tommy, go find out if that thing can catch fire! Cody: You're a bad influence. Techno: And you don't know your sayings.

The Squad: walking at the mall Techno: Hey, have any of you guys seen Kanade? They’ve been gone for a while.. Cody: Eh, nope. Tommy: No, I haven’t… Katara: Probably ran off to McDonald’s or something. Kanade: Hey. Techno: Ooh, there you are- Cody: What the fu- Katara: I- where were you?! Kanade: Walking right behind you guys. (Kanade just walks quietly)

Tommy: I will send my army to attack! Tommy: releases a dumpster of raccoons

Tommy: Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my actions.

Katara: Why is there blood everywhere? Techno: I may have aggressively poked someone with a knife. Katara: You stabbed someone?! Techno: No, no. I aggressively poked someone with a knife.

Cody: I bet you’re wondering why I gathered you here today. It’s because we need to have a discussion about how some people in this room aren’t getting along with other people in this room. Katara: Why did you say that so vaguely? Tommy and I are literally the only people you called in here.

(NOW MINE MWHAHHAHAHAHAHA)

Techno:PHIL , YOU CAN FINALLY HAVE A YOUNGEST THAT ISNT ANNOYING! Tommy:HEY SHUT UP BASTARD Kanade:hi:)

Cody: Where is your like. mom? Katara: ..Dead Kanade: Same. Katara: Tommy: My mum is death so like idk

“I may have accepted and almost killed a guy , but Tommy i think yoy deserve to murder him. No matter what aang says.”

-Katara

Clones:He’s so mysterious and cool i wonder what he’s thinking about Techno:

Techno: So.. this is the guy you are devoted to with all your life? Cody: Internally dying ..yes Techno , starring at Obi-wan Kenobi as he goes into battle with no armor , is British and is stupid: Cody , your better then this. please. This genuinely makes me feel bad.

Cody: Somebody is going to die- Techno , pulling out a sword: -Of death! 😄

Cody:no- techno- no you cannot kill the chancellor-

Techno:ANARCHY DOESN'T CALL FOR QUITTERS CODY

cut to 10 minutes later , the five are just stending over the exploded body of plapatine , who turned out to be an evil space wizard

Techno: I was correct- Cody , about to murder him: Shut. the. fuck. up. I'm processing this. Tommy , drinking a milkshake: This was fun. Kanade , also with a milkshake: Who knew it was fun to kill political leaders who are corrupt? Katara , sipping out of her own milkshake: Don't know , this will be great threat material.

after Cody has to explain to the jedi council why they murdered the chancellor

Cody: I- Techno , not caring in the slightest: I was in a silly mood

Cody: What do you mean you have been treated like a human being? Everyone else at the table: Techno: No he has a point

Phil walks into the room , with the gang laying in a circle , in the middle a speaker playing Nobody By Mitski Phil:.. you guys good? Cody: We can't get therapy so this is the best next thing. Katara: Sad white girl music. Tommy , absolutely sobbing: SHUT UP

Tommy in tears: So yeah- I guess that's all, my whole life story. Cody: Tommy I- Hey Dhar Mann fam, I hope you enjoyed that message about how you should never judge a book by it’s cover. And remember, we’re not just telling stories, we’re changing lives!

Tommy: God I never liked cigarrets , they taste bad. Cody: You aren't supposed to eat that- Tommy: Thats what i said!

Techno: A strategy you should always use against your enemies is telling bullshit. Straight up lies or truths exaggerated so high that they can’t even be considered truth. So when you slip up they think its just another lie. Tommy: That’s how they didn’t take you seriously?? Techno: Yeah basically

Kanade: I am not short , i am fun sized. Tommy: Wheres the fun then? Kanade: In your mother. Cody: Spits drink

.....theres a lot of em-

[nottivaghes]

FULL NAME: Cassandra Rosalind Hawthorne SPECIES: Witch AGE: 39 BIRTHDAY: December 12th GENDER & PRONOUNS: Cis-woman she & her FACECLAIM: Janet Montgomery OCCUPATION: Head Librarian at the James Family Library (Coven Elder in training)

CHARACTER INSPIRATION: Morrigan (Dragon Age Origins), Prince Zuko (ATLA) Rosa Diaz (Brooklynn 99), Yennefer of Vengerberg (The Witcher), Tasha Ozera (The Vampire Diaries), Morgana (Merlin), Claudia (Dragon Prince)

Cassandra makes you think of... black lace laid with tiny pearls, lilac & gooseberry perfume lingering in a hallway, biting your tongue so hard it bleeds, elderberry wine, a frosted over window pane, the scent of old parchment and the leafing of pages, the long night of the winter solstice, eyes rolling back in your head, a silver pendant against a racing pulse, hatred sewn in every line of your brow, warm wild berry pie on samhain morning, chant-casting for so long you lose your voice, walking barefoot into a lake at midnight, feeling so hungry you could devour the world whole.

And it's my whole heart weighed and measured inside, and it's an old scar trying to bleach it out.

The old house up on Hawthorne hill has a folklore all its own. The elements-stained stone statues seem to be weeping in the sprawling garden, ravens sit vigil atop the lilting stone walls behind the vast metal gates. A historic house, fallen somewhat into disrepair, perches atop the hill like a gnarled beast daring human teenagers to wander up its winding path to touch the terrifying brass hobgoblin doorknocker, fangs and serpentine tongue included.

A witch lives there, they say, it's a witches house. Wryly to herself Casssandra thinks: The witch's house. The Hawthornes have been in town as long as anyone can remember, including the first rise and fall of Brant Hacke, they have several relics from the war that are in prized cases in dark woods giving the air of a museum, deep in the bowels of the house that eats you up in its labyrinthine corridors.

The matriarch resides in the West Wing, ground floor, as the stairs are a thing long past for her. Dianthe, a guardian, 96 years old and blind... in the scientific sense. Though Cassandra would swear her grandmother were lying The Hawthornes were said to be descended from the Brahan Seer, there sits a hagstone pendant around Cassandra's neck. Dianthe can see people as clear as day, or what she says are their auras, though she goes tight-lipped when Cassandra asks what hers looks like.

Dianthe never has a kind word to say about her granddaughter and orders her around like a servant.

Unbenkownst to those bar the most unfortunate of intruders upon the house Dianthe is quite paranoid and there are magical and non-magical traps all around. The portraits will snitch on you and doors will jam you inside of rooms, plus the literal pitfalls of the areas where the floorboards have rotted away in spots.

There is a large greenhouse vivarium at the very centre of the house where the family keeps poisonous and venomous animals whilst also growing exotic plants for spells.

The vampires have their version of events and the Hawthornes keep theirs. A huge tome, inset with an eye with a trap set to immolate any vampire it sees. She loathes and is drawn to vampires in equal measure, absolutely fascinated by them as she has been conditioned to respond with disgust. Almost the entire family was decimated during the war aside from two survivors, though local legend reports they made an equally devastating blow to the vampire ranks.

Three days ago in the family crypt, Cassandra discovered books of blood magic, hundreds of years old and kept by her family to this day. Every spell requiring a devastating cost on a sole caster... or a proxy. Then it clicked, that's why the family had been suffering so much in recent years, they'd been doing sacrifices to ensure prosperity and Dianthe was too ill to carry it on without involving other coven members. Or Cassandra. Is that what awaited her in a few short months when she became an elder?

To be burdened with such a curse, even by a guardian who had the secrets of the universe and as such, knew better and were always above reproach.

She couldn't... could she?

And it's my whole heart: deemed and delivered a crime. I'm on trial, waiting 'til the beat comes out.

Cassandra was an only child to a mother who left the Cove to teach History at Oxford, causing a bristling scandal amongst the coven ranks and besmirching the Hawthorne name forever. Cassandra is still paying for this of course. Her father was a very minor noble in England who never had a job or an interest in her but a bottomless wallet in exchange.

Cassandra herself taught History at Crestle Cove High for six years. Age 25-31. Known to be stern and sometimes cold, she had a reputation for being extremely fair.

Raised by her slightly unhinged grandmother in the middle of the woods, her grandfather lived until she was fifteen but all he ever did was read the newspaper and mind his own business or give her a slightly linty toffee candy now and then.

A bit of a revolutionary in the coven, caused some problems by having ideas 15 years ago when she was young and naïve about how things should be done and that tradition sometimes had to evolve. Cassandra has nary spoken up once since.

She isn't actively planning a coup but...

In recent months Cassandra has started dreamwalking. She can't control it at all and it feels akin to sleep paralysis yet as tiring as being awake, she feels as though she never sleeps. All she does is very slowly float on random paths around the town with no direction or pattern in the dark, confirmed when she saw a tourist's car had dented a lamppost during the night and it was damaged in the same way when she walked down there that morning. It's probably just vivid deja vu... deja vu that gives her nosebleeds every time she wakes up.

Who's a heretic, child? Can you make it stick, now?

[gamerkats]

Hey, besties. *heavy hearted sigh* Look....

If, in your reading travels, you happen to stumble upon some cis/het/idiotic toxic trope/shameless depthless book and you go, "Huh, that style kinda looks like gamerkats. Wait. Is... Is that gamerkats trickin' on the other side of Literature Street!?", just go on about your day, 'kay?

Don't tell your friends and try to drive traffic to our curb. Don't live your sleuth truth messaging us saying, "Found you!" Don't rally all the mutuals and stage a "don't write this garbage, you're better than that" intervention in the DMs. 👏 Move. 👏 Along. There's nothing to see at this crime scene.

Girls gotta eat, and that "toxic guy/mean girl I can't believe it's not butter plot twist" money spends.

Even though it's not what we enjoy writing, it's what a massive audience enjoys reading. No shame in their kink game. It makes them happy, and us a little cheddar.

We don't kink shame in this house!

Why are we saying this? Because a couple of you are scary good, and have seen through our street name, and wanna reveal that we're not "cis/het Heather" but actually two Queer cats in a trench coat. Don't. We're not even being polite and saying please. We're straight up telling you to mind your business.

If we wanted you to read what we were doing as a side hustle, we would have been advertising our stuff here. Obviously, we're trying to protect our safe spaces. You don't know the types of readers this stuff brings.... To the point that, we don't even have a socmed account for this shit. It's just a pen name and a quick write/publish into the digital void; where grammar dies on the literary battlefield, clutching originality's fallen corpse.

Trust us. You're not missing out on our stories. It's cheap, greasy fast food, when y'all are getting the home-cooked meals, ok?

We're sharing our Queerest of passions for free with y'all on AO3/Wattpad. Other than obvious fanfic stuff, everything is our IP. We could sell if we wanted. But we just don't like the feeling of paywalling our Queer rep when it's so desperately needed.

No shame to those who do paywall. Support those Queer writers!!!!! Sell your Queer works!!!! This is an "us" thing, not a commentary on Queer writing thing. We have our own pains and traumas and writing Queer fiction for free is how we chose to heal some of them.

The flip is, we also kinda need monies too.

To like, you know, live.

So we made a choice. Free the Queer, paywall the 'Bad Boy Fireman Cowboy Next Door Is Answering A Five Alarm Rodeo In My Bed'.

Surprise.

We're sellouts...like every other writer who wants to eat. We try really hard to mask our style, but it's apparently still there. So, if some found us, others will eventually. Don't make us change pen names and start from scratch.

Here's the exchange:

Y'all get the free real Batman version of us, who's raw, unfiltered, gritty, quirky, Queer as fuck, soul searching, human existence commentary, romance-nightmare diary entry, trauma coping, disability struggling, weirdly poetically surviving, bimbo nerd chic.

And the randos pay for the Bruce Wayne who's a mentally healthy, sassy, fiery feminine icon, living in a cabin by a lake, drinking wine and eating chocolate with her soulmate husband and two dogs.

We don't trick where we treat, ok? So don't snitch and ruin a girl's hustle. You don't ask us why we're there, and we won't ask you the same.

We both didn't see shit.

Ok. Kiss, kiss, love, love. Sorry we're not independently wealthy. Bye. 💋❤

Edit: 😂😂😂😂 Ok, so, by the powers of sheer whining from you beloveds, that you want smutty stuff without plot too, fine. You're right, that's only fair. We're already writing a lot, BUT how about this, all the cutting room floor and unpublished practice scenes will be scooped up, and posted under a fic title called, Miss Kitty's Fabulous Empornium or something. We'll even slap some reader x character, and villain x hero names to hide what books of ours they belong to. 😉

[harmonyckrs]

Day 6 in Twisted Pleasantview: Some Extra Secrets They've Been Hiding

THE PREVIOUS DAY

NAME: VIDCUND CURIOUS

LIFE STATGE: Adult

STATUS: ALIVE, FUNCTIONAL ?????

SPECIAL NOTES: Found Dina's twins in the forest that held her body, and has taken it upon himself to raise them. With the two children already in his house, there's a lot on his and his brother's plates.

---

Dear Diary,

Today I dropped by the house of the town harlot, which I found by spying on him when he was yelling at the Specters last night and following him back home. He kept turning around a lot as if he could hear me, but I don't think he spotted me so it's all good. Dirk insisted on coming with me, just in case he tried to do anything.

I was greeted by this blonde guy, and as much as I tried to make light conversation with him in hopes of convincing him to let me talk to the town harlot he declined. Due to this I decided to just linger near the graves of their parents for a couple of hours before the guy himself pulled up from work.

It took very little convincing to convince the town harlot to agree to the interview, but he still seemed wary. When I confronted him about it, he apologized and said that he didn't want to risk getting slandered again. I reassured him that I would not, and then he finally let me ask him questions.

Also, I learned his name! It's Pascal. I can finally call him something other than the town harlot!

I decided to start the interview by asking him some questions about his past in order to ease him into giving me info on the allegations. He used to be a scientist back in Strangetown before it got overtaken by Dr. Vu, and his youngest brother, Lazlo, supposedly died in a fire but the body was never found. Pascal said that he thinks Lazlo might still be alive, but that he and his other brother (the blonde guy) had no luck in finding him. Pascal also mentioned some stuff about his job as a nurse, but mentioned that he plans to quit because of Don harassing him.

This gave me the perfect opportunity to ask him about the "town harlot" allegations, and let's just say that choosing him was a great idea! Don apparently hit on HIM after Orpheus ghosted him, and then spread a rumor that Pascal tried to seduce him when he said no. And this was while Don was engaged to Cassandra, too! And then when I asked him about him supposedly trying to seduce Dad, he said he had no idea who Dad even was!

SECRETS UNLOCKED:

Orpheus ghosted his fiance of five years, Pascal, while he was seven months pregnant with their kid, because his mother, Olive Specter, did not approve of him.

Don claimed that Pascal hit on him after Pascal rejected his advances at work.

Daniel lied about Pascal hitting on him as well after Don made his initial claim, even though the two of them never met.

Mortimer got Pascal and Vidcund blacklisted from the science industry, while Mary Sue has been spreading the rumors that Don and Daniel helped build.

Once I got all the juicy details, Pascal told me that his brother was now working as a journalist and that in exchange for his interview, that I would have to let him interview me. When I asked why, he said it was because I was a Pleasant. Unsure what that's for but maybe he wants info on the life of the daughter of a failed politician or soccer coach who peaked in high school. Beats me. He said we could do it over the phone so that it would be easier to record, so I just thanked him and went home

Once I got home, Mom confronted me about going to the house of the "town harlot," so I confronted her about Cassandra. Apparently Dad overheard and he got super mad, and now they hate each other. Oopsy daisies. Angela's going to be so mad once she gets back from her date with Dustin, and Dirk seemed genuinely shocked about what he heard. I imagine he's going to tell Mr. Dreamer later and I look forward to seeing what shitshow comes out of that

Really need to figure out who tf snitched on me, though. Angela's out with Dustin and Dirk went home right after. Guessing it could've been the Specters or Alexander, considering he was playing in the yard with Mortimer when I passed by them. Either way, I've got to be more careful.

THE NEXT DAY