#why is it always the victim's fault and the bullies win? even years after the fact. why cant my brain “get over it” like people tell me :/

[autisticlee]

sometimes I think about how I was legitimately the most hated and bullied kid in my entire class, and probably entire school. I knew this as a fact. there was nothing I could do about it. not just by the kids either, but the teachers/staff as well. all because I was autistic and unable to speak and they didn't want to treat me decently. and I ask why. (rhetorically of course, because I know all the excuses given as answers)

being an autistic kid and knowing damn well this is true, that you're the most hated person in the entire building with not a single person on your side, knowing you're the main target for everyone's aggression every day, is....truly something. you know. like carrying the weight of everyone's hatred and negativity on your back alone, being their punching bag, internalizing their hatred for then. from ages 4 to 18. nonstop. never getting better. never knowing why. not being able to stop it. never getting any help. on your own and alone. blamed for it all.

yet i'm simply told to "get over it/stop caring" and get blamed for it fucking me up and having a lasting effect. lmao ok. let me just forget more than half my life existed at this point and magically get better! thanks!

[linkspooky]

Yuta vs Yuji

(They are both Good Boys ™ and that’s the Problem ™ )

As this week the boys are still fighting, I thought it would be interesting to take a more in depth look at both of their characters and how they compare and contrast with each other. Yuta and Yuji are both protagonists who have protagonistic motivations. Their central conflict, Itadori’s struggle to find a good death surrounded by people he loves, and Yuta’s struggle to be surrounded by people he loves and protects them, relates to protecting the people they love and the world around them. However, that’s also what drives them into conflict with each other. They both view themselves as “the hero” even in conflicts such as the fight against each other, where there is really no good guy. 

1. I want to live / I want to die

Yuta and Yuji are opposites in their stated motivation. Yuta’s goal is to find a way to live a happy life, surrounded by the people he loves. Yuji’s goal is to find a way to die surrounded by people he’s helped in life. 

Not only are their stated motivations opposites however, on the outside they are both the opposite in several ways. Yuji is someone who is known for his strength whereas Yuta is immediately remarked upon as the type to get bullied.  Yuji is immediately remarked upon for his cheerful disposition, whereas everyone who knows Yuta picks on him at first and notices how gloomy he is. 

Yuji is someone who seems to make friends and connect with people almost immediately, whereas Yuta is someone who it probably took him a long time to start getting along with Maki and Inumaki based on what we see in the prequel. Maki challenges him at first, and Yuta doesn’t understand Inumaki at first. 

Yuta is passive, and Yuji is active. Yuji is known for running after people to save them. Yuta’s actually not as motivated to save random strangers as Yuji is, he’s simply going along with becoming a Jujutsu Sorcerer because that will help his goals, 1) to make new friends and find a reason to live 2) to release Rika.

The difference between them even manifests in the way they became cursed. Yuji actively chose to swallow a curse, because he wanted to help Megumi and needed the power to do so. It was a decision he made. Yuta was the one who cursed Rika yes, but not only was it a jujutsu technique he used unconsciously, he also forgot about it and blamed Rika for cursing him instead.  

Which is also something that reflects in the central flaws of both characters. Yuta is someone with a victim complex. He tends to avoid taking direct responsibility for his actions and blaming it on someone else. He acts passive in almost every situation, and doesn’t accept that it may be his fault. Which is why he misremembered what happened to Rika. Yuta could not accept the idea that he was to blame for cursing Rika, so he blamed Rika in his memories instead for cursing him.

It’s been outlined by Maki before Yuta’s victim complex, but basically he reads as a nice person on the surface by pretending to be innocent when he’s not. Which is why she says his goodness feels fake, and he himself feels gross. Yuta kind of just, represses and ignores the bad parts of his personality, to seem like a hapless victim. Of course Yuta is not good or bad, he’s just a dude. But, Maki even goes further to point out Yuta himself doesn’t even seem to know who he wants to be. 

Yuta’s central character flaw is that he never accepts responsibility for his own actions. He has no self confidence and because of that he has a really tough time standing up as an individual. 

When he can learn to control his power, and stand on his own two feet rather than just avoiding responsibility and acting like a victim with no control over his situation. Yuta begins to change, but I think he also elevates his friends far beyond himself. 

He aspires to be like his friends, but he also feels like they’re already better than him and he’s unworthy. Which is why he’s constantly insecure about the relationship and needs to protect them. Yuta believes himself to be weak, he sees himself as a weak person, and so in every situation he tends to assume he’s the weak one or a weak victim which makes it hard for him to see what he’s responsible in those situation. 

On the other hand Yuji takes almost too much repsonsibility. Rather than trying to depend on others, Yuji is always, running ahead on his own and that’s where he makes his mistakes.

He thought he was strong enough to take down Choso on his own. He wasn’t. He thought he was strong enough mentally to prevent Sukuna from rampaging, he wasn’t. Yuji’s mistakes always come from taking on more responsibility than he can handle, and then letting things fall out of his control. 

Yuta’s irresponsible because he sees himself as a victim and doesn’t understand how strong he is, Yuji’s irresponsible because he constantly overestimates what he himself can handle.

If you take the scene after Yuji dies the first time into account. Sukuna outlines several facts. One, that Yuji is not actually strong enough to suppress him. Two, that he rampaged against Megumi specifically because Yuji got cocky and tried to use his power without using a binding vow and think it through. Three, that Yuji overestimates himself and his capability to keep Sukuna down and because of it, he agrees to a simple terms of “If I defeat you inside my own body you revive me with no conditions” and then just immediately dies. 

All of this of course being foreshadowing for what happens after the Choso fight. Once again, Yuji overestimates himself and how he can win the fight fighting alone. Halfway through Yuji gets overwhelmed and Sukuna surfaces. When Sukuna surfaces he rampages, because Yuji did not even think of the possibility that Sukuna might rampage if he died or lost consciousness, and therefore there was no binding vow in place to stop him. It’s not because Yuji is a bad kid, but because he is a kid, and doesn’t know better. He acts like any fifteen year old would dealing with a 1000 year old spirit that’s much smarter than him. But it’s also a case of Yuji thinking everything comes down to strength and he can beat Sukuna just by being stronger, when Yuji actually solves none of his problems by fighting alone, and all of his major victories come from fighting together with others. 

Yuji and Yuta are even opposites in regards to their curses. Rika loves Yuta and wants to protect him. He loses control of her because he’s too scared to face her, and has no idea how to begin controlling his power, which is once again this flaw that Yuta’s fear is a fear of taking responsibility. Yuji on the other hand his curse Sukuna loathes his guts, and is constantly trying to undermine him. Yuji’s problem is again and again he’s proven to underestimate Sukuna, he’s not afraid enough of Sukuna because Yuji himself considers himself a strong person and overestimates what he can be responsible for. Rika is an ally outside of Yuta, and Sukuna is an enemy within Yuji. 

However, after going to such length to establish them as opposites they have one central similiarity. Both of them are incredibly lonely people. They can’t really make friends or connections normally. 

Yuta has this fear of living alone, and Yuji this fear of dying alone. 

They both only form relationships on the basis that they’re needed. Which is why Yuta goes so insane about protecting his friends. Which is why Yuji keeps focusing on death above all else, because that’s their true “purpose” that underlies their stated motivations. They’re both doing this because they are afraid of being alone.

However, they both need to prove that they are “worthy” of love. In order to do that, they need to be good, useful people. Thus they are heroes, thus they are good guys, thus they are protagonists. 

Yuji becomes so insanely motivated to fight after Sukuna’s rampage, because if he doesn’t help someone, if he doesn’t justify his decision to keep on living somehow they’re just a murderer. Both Yuta and Yuji don’t really care about the world or circumstances around them, they just want to be validated by the people around them.

Yuta is a deeply selfish person, because he just wants other people around him to tell him it’s okay to live. However, he’s also just a suicidal fifteen year old kid in the first place, any kid his age would feel that way, would need that support and he shouldn’t need to earn it. That’s what he misunderstands. However, Yuji and Yuta keep trying to seek external validation. They keep trying to earn love rather than having it given to them.

It’s what Yuta completely fails to internalize after his fight with Geto. The lesson he needed to learn was that there was more to the world around him than just protecting the people he loved, but it seems coming back to both of those people he loved being hurt has caused him to double down on “protecting the ones he loved” vs “thinking about what is justice”.Yuta’s still stuck in this mode where he has to earn love, and that becomes his first priority in everything.

The problem with making the decision to ignore justice is that you can end up at the wrong side of the equation. Yuji is Yuta. He’s another victim who allowed a curse to rampage because he was cursed as a teenager and could not control his own power and people ended up dying for it. 

However, because Yuta only understands that his friends have been hurt, and refuses to understand Yuji as both a victim and a person outside of himself he accepts his role of executioner.

Yuta was the person who was going to be executed a year ago. The only reason he didn’t was because Gojo gave him a chance and extended a helping hand. However we’re now seeing Yuta take the opposite path. he’s made the decision to become executioner, to not save when he himself was saved. Which is just sad because Yuta and Yuji are character foils.

 A conflict against Yuji, the other main character, is really just Yuta fighting himself. Yuta cannot forgive himself for the crime of being weak, and therefore he blames Yuji for being like he was a year ago. Yuta still doesn’t know how to stand strong on his own, to accept that his friends love him for who he is, so he’s still trying to earn love by avenging them and acting overprotective against Yuji, when we know Inumaki was friends with Yuji and probably would not want him to be hunted down and killed. 

Yuta and Yuji are both seemingly completely selfless people who can come off as rather self centered when you examine their deeper motivations (they do what they do, because they want to be loved and needed) but it doesn’t come from a place of ego, it’s just that they’re lonely. They can’t feel accepted for who they are so they both try to be heroes instead. 

[miraculouswolf99]

Akumatized: Valid Or Not

This is basically a list of every akumatized that has appeared so far. There will be four types of categories that they will be put into that say whether or not their reason for being akumatized was valid or not.

Categories:

1. Valid- The reason they were akumatized is completely understandable and could happen to anyone.

2. Semi-Valid- It is still understandable, but for things that are relatively normal. Like losing a contest, being rejected by a crush, or failing a test.

3. You Brought This On Yourself- Akumatized over something that was basically their fault to begin with and is not valid at all.

4. What The Hell- An akumaization that makes no sense at all and most likely not really much of a reason to be akumatized in the first place.

Season One:

Nino Lahiffe- Bubbler: Valid. Gabriel is a jerk that would not let his son's best friend throw him a birthday party.

Xavier Ramier- Mr. Pigeon: Semi-Valid. Was just trying to feed the pigeons, but had been aware that there was a rule/law against it.

Aurore Beauréal- Stormy Weather: Semi-Valid. Lost a contest, but almost had it rubbed in her face when she was told that she lost by a lot.

Alix Kubdel- Timebreaker: Valid. Had her family heirloom destroyed not even an hour after she got it because other people did not put a pocket watch in their pocket when she asked them to hold it during her race.

Théo Barbot- Copycat: Semi-Valid. Believed that the girl he had a crush on was dating someone else, but was treating the situation more that she was an object that he could take if he wanted to.

Jalil Kubdel- Pharaoh: Valid. While it is never a good idea to try and resurrect the dead, his father rejected his theory about the spell even when they were in a city of magical heroes and villains.

Alya Césaire- Lady Wifi: Semi-Valid. Was wrongly suspended because Chloe was being a brat. She may have been taking pictures of Chloe's locker, but the door was open and Chloe had accused her of breaking into it.

Nathaniel Kurtzberg- The Evillustrator: Valid. Was embarrassed by having his crush revealed by a bully and humiliated when the drawings of his crush were revealed to everyone.

Roger Raincomprix- Rogercop: Semi-Valid. Was wrongfully fired for not arresting a girl that the mayor's daughter accused of theft even without proof, but had not done any sort of investigation at all about the missing bracelet.

Lê Chiến Kim- Dark Cupid: Valid. May have been rejected by his crush but had his heart broken on Valentine's day and humiliated by the girl he had a crush on.

Mylène Haprèle- Horrificator: Semi-Valid. We all get scared and she was trying to be brave for the film, but she was also the one that purposely signed up to be the lead in a horror movie.

Armand D'Argencourt- Darkblade: Semi-Valid. Lost the mayoral election, but was also running because he thought that he should reclaim his family's lost seat of power from back in medieval times. It's been hundreds of years, man. Get over it.

Fred Haprèle- Mime: Valid. Was wrongfully fired from his job because a co-worker had sabotaged him to gain the lost job for himself.

Jean Duparc- Magician of Misfortune: What The Hell. We were never even given a reason for why he was akumatized in the first place.

Rose Lavillant- Princess Fragrance: Valid. Simply wanted to give a letter to a prince to thank him for all the charity work he does, but the letter was destroyed by a bully.

Ivan Bruel- Stoneheart: Valid. Believed that his crush rejected him while also being bullied/teased over the crush in the first place. Was also bullied over being akumatized in the first place and called a monster.

Otis Césaire- Animan: What The Hell. So, he was akumatized because a teenage boy thought that he could out-run a panther. Even for a zookeeper, is that really something to be upset about?

Simón Grimault- Simon Says: Valid. May have lost a contest, but was basically cheated out of a win because Gabriel did not even really seem like he was going to participate in the first place and he was not even given the chance to try his act.

Vincent Aza- Pixelator: You Brought This On Yourself. A creepy stalker that wants a picture of his favorite rock star and will try anything to get it. "Yicks" is all I have to say.

Jagged Stone- Guitar Villain: Valid. Was told that he had to change his look and music to the complete opposite of his own just because his manager liked a teenage pop star more than him.

Wang Cheng- Kung Food: Valid. He lost a contest, but that was only because Chloe was a brat that sabotaged him.

Max Kanté- Gamer: Semi-Valid. He lost a chance to be in a video game contest but was more upset over losing his chance because he lost to a girl.

Juleka Couffaine- Reflekta: Valid. She was trying to break her "photo curse" but lost her chance because Chloe had her locked in the bathroom so she could stand next to her crush/obsession.

Manon Chamack- Puppeteer: Valid. She is a little girl that was simply trying to win a game and did not really see why having a doll that was given to her was wrong.

Sabrina Raincomprix- Vanisher: Valid. Had a fight with her best friend and then said best friend also pretended that she was invisible because she was a brat.

Chloé Bourgeois- Antibug: You Brought This On Yourself. She was a brat that was called out for lying about being the reason for an akumaization by the hero that she admired.

Lila Rossi- Volpina: You Brought This On Yourself. She was called out for lying about being best friends with a superhero and trying to claim that she was also a hero with a fake miraculous. Karma will always come back to bite you, Liar Rossi.

Season 2:

Santa Claus- Santa Claws: Valid. Was trying to be a good samaritan, but was instead accused of kidnapping by a superhero.

Gabriel Agreste- Collector: You Brought This On Yourself. Gabriel is Hawkmoth and he akumatized himself. Need I say more.

Nadja Chamack- Prime Queen: You Brought This On Yourself. Her job may have been on the line, but she was willing to leave out information and use a picture taken out of context as her "proof" that the heroes were a couple.

Jean- Despair Bear: You Brought This On Yourself. Was trying to use humiliation to try and make a spoiled brat change her ways and was doing it in front of her class.

Kagami Tsurugi- Riposte: Valid. Thought that a single loss against a formidable opponent meant that she had lost her honor because of an over strict mother.

Gina Dupain- Befana: Semi-Valid. Had a hard time realizing that her grandaughter was growing up, but all grandparents feel that way.

Markov- Robostus: Valid. Even as a robot, he still had feelings, but was told he was just a toy and locked away like an object.

Mr. Damocles- Dark Owl: You Brought This On Yourself. If you are a high school principal with no reason or skill to become a hero, don't try and be one while exhausting the real heroes in the process because they keep having to save you.

August- Gigantitan: Valid. He's a literal baby.

André- Glaciator: Semi-Valid. Was told that the special "soulmate" ice cream that he believed in was not magical, but it was still only one girl that did not want that ice cream.

Ella and Etta Césaire- Sapotis: You Brought This On Yourself. They may be young girls, but they had repeatedly been told to go to bed and were rightfully punished for their bad behavior.

Adrien's bodyguard/The Gorilla- Gorizilla: Valid. He was just trying to do his job and was having an extra stressful day with his charge running off and disappearing with almost half of Paris looking for him.

Anarka Couffaine- Captain Hardrock: Valid. Roger was a jerk to her, telling her that her loud music could not be played during the festival instead of simply telling her to turn it down a little.

Clara Nightingale- Frightningale: Valid. Was told that she could not perform or shoot her music video in France anymore because Chloe was being a brat over not being the star in the music video.

Ondine- Syren: Semi-Valid. She believed that she was rejected by her crush, but there had actually not been any real rejected on Kim's part.

Caline Bustier- Zombizou: Semi-Valid. While she took the akuma to protect her student, the akuma was only there because she made her student believe that she was in trouble for being a victim of bullying

Philippe- Frozer: Valid. He is close to losing his business because of the lack of customers.

Audrey Bourgeois- Style Queen: You Brought This On Yourself. She is a grown woman throwing a temper tantrum because she had to sit in the second row of a fashion show.

Penny Rolling- Troublemaker: Valid. Give the woman a bloody break. She deserves it for putting up with you crazy people and a freaking crocodile every day.

Queen Bee/Chloe Bourgeois-Queen Wasp: You Brought This On Yourself. While she had been trying to impress the mother she thought would never love her, she still stole a miraculous, almost caused a train to crash, and used her powers selfishly.

Marc Anciel-Reverser: Valid. He had his notebook destroyed and confidence ruined after trying to put himself out there for the first time because of a big misunderstanding between himself, Nathaniel, and Marinette.

Nora Césaire- Anansi: Semi-Valid. She was trying to protect her sister, but was being super overprotective and did not have faith in actual superheroes.

André Bourgeois- Malediktator: Valid. He was trying to keep his family happy and together but was faced against a brat of a daughter and a controlling wife where neither respected him.

Boy- Sandboy: Semi-Valid. He was a little boy that had a frightening nightmare, but nightmares are pretty common and normal in life.

Lila Rossi- Volpina: You Brought This On Yourself. She wanted to be akumatized and gladly welcomed the chance to be a villain again.

Nathalie Sancoeur- Catalyst: You Brough This On Yourself. She was willingly akumatized. Nothing more needs to be said.

Rena Rouge/Alya Cesair- Rena Rage: Valid. Took a negative emotions arrow for her boyfriend and had all her love put in reverse and turned into rage.

Carapace/Nino Lahiffe- Shell Shock: Valid. Just saw his superhero girlfriend be akumatized and was both losing hope and was hit by a negative emotions arrow.

Heroes' Day Villains: Valid. They all believed that one of their town heroes had been killed by the akumatized form of their other main hero. They had lost hope.

Season 3:

Lila Rossi- Chameleon: You Brought This On Yourself. She literally grabbed the akuma out of the air purposely got akumatized to try and ruin Adrien's friendships and get another shot at defeating Ladybug.

Thomas Astruc- Animaestro: What The Hell. So, he was akumatized because no one recognized him as a director of an animation movie. I did not really understand it. He was a director of an animation movie. Why would anyone recognize him if they had not seen the movie credits and know who the director was in the first place?

Rolland Dupain- Bakerix: What The Hell. I'm still confused over him. Was he akumatized because Marinette lied about who she was or was it because he was upset over modern baking techniques outshining his own? I did not get it.

Marianne Lenoir- Backwarder: Valid. She had been waiting a long time for the person that she loved, only to believe that he no longer cared for her.

Max Kanté- Gamer 2.0: Semi-Valid. He could not find a person to test out the game that he had made and was told no by a lot of people. A person can only take rejection for so long.

Tom Dupain- Weredad: Valid. He wanted to protect his daughter from heartbreak and was a victim of a lie gone way out of hand.

Luka Couffaine- Silencer: Valid. The song, look, and music that he and his friends created was stolen and his friend had been threatened when they tried to get their music back.

Kagami Tsurugi- Oni-Сhan: Valid. She might have been jealous, but that was only because Liar Rossi lied her way into her friend's home, kissed him without his permission, and claimed that the two were a couple even when he was obviously uncomfortable with her kissing him.

Sabrina Raincomprix- Miraculer: Semi-Valid. She was yelled at by her friend even though she was simply trying to help her after she fought off being akumatized.

Alya Césaire & Nino Lahiffe- Oblivio: What The Hell. They were akumatized over being caught playing a silly video game. That is a very stupid reason.

Wayhem- Party Crasher: Valid. He thought that his friend lied to him about not being able to have friends over and was then rejected at the door of his friend's house when he thought that there was a party there he could attend.

Chris Lahiffe- Christmaster: Semi-Valid. He was upset over not being able to get his presents early, but what kid wouldn't be upset over that.

Manon Chamack- Puppeteer: Semi-Valid. Wanted to play with the big kids and felt ignored by them all day. But that is pretty common for little kids to feel, especially when older siblings and their friends are involved.

Aurore Beauréal- Stormy Weather: Valid. Not only were her grades slipping, but she was also ridiculed by a bully, bullied by her saying 'once a villain always a villain.'

Ms. Mendeleiev- Kwamibuster: Semi-Valid. She was humiliated on live television when trying to prove herself as a great scientist, but she had not even bothered to look at the footage she had before going on the show.

Dormant Sentimonster- Feast: What The Hell. An akumatized sentimonster. I have officially seen it all now.

Juleka Couffaine- Reflekta/Reflectdoll: Valid. She was trying to start her dream of being a model but was basically chased out because Alya was pushing her matchmaking over her friend's dream.

Tomoe Tsurugi- Ikari Gozen: Semi-Valid. Her daughter had disobeyed her to play a game that she did not think was worth the time, but she was still an overly strict mother that was trying to control her daughter's every move.

Vivica- Desperada: Valid. She was fired for a completely ridiculous reason and her boss was quick to try and find a replacement for her.

Claudie Kanté- Startrain: Valid. She was a nervous wreck over if she was close to achieving her dream of being an astronaut while also being a worried mother about having to leave her son if she did get accepted into training.

Xavier Ramier- Mr. Pigeon: You Brought This On Yourself/What The Hell. This guy had been akumatized about 24 times. Enough said.

Future Chris Lahiffe- Timetagger: What The Hell. We are never even given a reason why he was akumatized in the first place.

Cat Noir- Cat Blanc: Valid. He had just found out that his father is the supervillain that has been terrorizing Paris for years and that the mother that disappeared has been under his house the entire time in a coma.

Alya Césaire/Rose Lavillant/Juleka Couffaine- Lady Wifi/Princess Fragrance/Reflekta: Valid. They believed that their friend had sent a horrible message to them in return for their heartfelt messages about them supporting him in his time of pain.

Nathalie Sancoeur- Catalyst: You Brought This On Yourself. She was willingly akumatized again, nothing more and nothing less.

André & Audrey Bourgeois- Heart Hunter: Semi-Valid. They had been fighting and not as in-love as they probably had been once upon a time, but they had never thought about a marriage counselor before.

Queen Bee/Chloe Bourgeois- Miracle Queen: You Brought This On Yourself. Even after being told that she will not get the bee miraculous back, she still tries getting it from Ladybug multiple times. And then she willingly works with Hawkmoth.

[rosethornewrites]

Fic: Breaking Point

Relationships: Caline Bustier & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug

Characters: Caline Bustier, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Alya Césaire, Max Kanté, Nathaniel Kurtzberg, Juleka Couffaine, Lila Rossi, Tikki

Tags: caline bustier salt, Reveal, Badass Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste Knows, Protective Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Caline Bustier Knows, ml salt, Harassment, Lila Rossi Lies, Bad Classroom Environments, Gaslighting, enablers, Bullying ,Salt, Identity Reveal, Spitefic, Swearing, Adrien Sugar

Summary: '“For instance, being a superhero is not a viable career path,” was what made her tune in, her attention fully pulled to Mme. Bustier, who seemed to be looking right at her.' 

Note: This was written based on a prompt by @norakwami.

AO3 link

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Marinette wasn’t really paying attention to Mme. Bustier’s lecture. To be fair, it was about career options and how to achieve them, something she had researched so completely she already had a list of universities she intended to apply to, along with possible companies to intern, all carefully tabbed in a binder at home that was also slowly filling with application and portfolio ideas.

Given that she was only fourteen and still had four more years before she reached the point of applying, she was ahead of the game. Perhaps she could be considering going to another lycée instead of the feeder for Collège Françoise Dupont, perhaps somewhere private that had a focus on fashion. But she didn’t want to put pressure on her parents, who would have to pay the tuition for such an institution, when she was already winning awards and making a name for herself through designing for Jagged Stone and the up-and-coming Kitty Section, among others.

“For instance, being a superhero is not a viable career path,” was what made her tune in, her attention fully pulled to Mme. Bustier, who seemed to be looking right at her.

What.

The.

Fuck.

Marinette felt frozen by that stare, pinned like a ladybug by an entomologist. How could she know? Did other people notice her stare?

“Ladybug is almost certainly harming her civilian future through these superhero antics, which prevent her from fulfilling all her obligations.”

Alya snorted. “That’s not Ladybug’s fault—it’s Hawkmoth’s. Ladybug protects the city. And maybe Paris should pay her for her services!”

“Ladybug is a teenager who should be concentrating on school,” Mme. Bustier declared, still staring holes into Marinette.

“Ladybug has never released her age,” Adrien murmured, his voice sounding strained. “So that’s conjecture, Mme. Bustier. How does this have to do with our future careers?”

To her horror, he turned and followed her gaze to Marinette.

She felt as though she might hyperventilate, panic rising in her gut. If she was compromised, that put her family and friends at risk, put the Miracle Box at risk, played right into Hawkmoth’s hands. She’d never been good at a poker face, and she wasn’t sure whether she was managing now.

Adrien’s eyes widened, and she knew she’d failed, at least with him. Kwami, she hoped she could trust him.

“I’m glad you asked, Adrien. For instance, Marinette, would you please share your current preparation for your future career.”

All eyes were on her, and she could feel the thoughts swirling around them as she was called out. She swallowed, trying to push it all down.

“I-I… I have a binder. At home. F-fifteen different universities with fashion p-programs. In order of where I want to go most. Also c-companies that offer internships.” She took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves—it helped a bit. “I’ve started my portfolio, including the b-bowler hat that won M. Agreste’s contest, and my work for Jagged Stone and Kitty Section, and p-pictures of clothing I’ve designed and made.”

She could hear murmurs around her, and Alya gave a low whistle beside her.

“Girl, no wonder you don’t sleep. You’re on top of this!”

Mme. Bustier’s mouth became a thin line, her lips pressed together as though she was irritated.

Marinette wished keenly that Master Fu was still around, could handle this situation. She’d come to realize Mme. Bustier was a terrible teacher, enabling bullying and shaming victims as though they were at fault for their treatment. But this was a whole new level of awful.

“Still, the way you run off during Akuma attacks interrupts your daily life and prevents you from—”

“We all run away during Akuma attacks! They disrupt all our daily lives.”

Adrien stood, his back rigid from tension.

“Marinette has been personally targeted multiple times during Akuma attacks. So have I! A lot of this has been documented on the LadyBlog. It’s traumatizing—and we keep our memories of that because we’re not the Akuma. I run and hide, personally. Why would you shame Marinette for that?”

The class fell silent, and glancing around Marinette could see the tension in their faces, their own memories of being chased by Akuma.

Adrien had moved this away from the idea of Marinette being Ladybug to her being shamed for her reaction to Akumas. He was protecting her. And she loved him all the more for it.

“There was Evillustrator,” Marinette murmured, jumping on the red herring.

She glanced at Nathanaël apologetically. He offered a sad smile.

“I had to help Chat Noir with that. It was scary. André Glacier became Glaciator and came looking for me, and Chat Noir saved me from getting frozen. And Gamer was looking for me. Chat Noir saved me again.”

She could see Max wince across the aisle.

“Reflekta turned me into her clone because she was mad at me. And it was my fault.”

Marinette turned and mouthed ‘sorry’ to Juleka.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Juleka whispered, then cringed as she realized her voice had carried far enough for everyone to hear.

She smiled, then turned back to the front.

“My own grandmother tried to turn me into coal when she was Akumatized because she was upset I wasn’t like eight years old anymore—Chat Noir saved me again there, too. And then my dad was Akumatized and Chat Noir and Ladybug had to save me again.”

Marinette hadn’t been able to transform, needing to be saved as a civilian before she could get back as Ladybug. Too many of them had been so public she’d had to trust Chat Noir would be able to hold his own until she got there—and she did, but she was afraid sometime that would be fatal.

“And I saw footage when Adrien was dropped from a building and then when Volpina pretended to drop him from the Eiffel Tower. That’s terrifying!”

She didn’t turn around to look at Lila. Instead she looked at Adrien, who was still standing, alternating between glaring at Mme. Bustier and glancing back at her with concern in his eyes.

“And then there’s mind control Akumas, like with Miracle Queen. I’m scared of Akumas, Mme. Bustier. Even when they’re across the city, they won’t always stay there, and I want to hide. And I refuse to be ashamed of that!”

It wasn’t a lie, either. Civilian her absolutely wanted to hide—and did, just behind a mask.

She turned her attention to the teacher, keeping her back straight, remembering she had Adrien on her side, even if she wished he didn’t know—damn Bustier for that. Marinette steeled herself.

“I don’t understand why you’ve singled me out to try to imply I alone am somehow failing to perform because of Akumas, but you always seem to do this. I’m at fault for being bullied. I need to be an example and not react when my belongings are destroyed and my locker is broken into. Or when someone gets me expelled by somehow putting test answers in my bag and a new Gabriel-brand necklace—supposedly an heirloom—in my locker that’s been broken into before. I’ve spent the last year feeling I’m not allowed to have emotions. But this is the last straw.”

Marinette stood, picking up her bag. When she glanced down Tikki was giving her the Kwami version of a thumbs up.

“Frankly, Mme. Bustier, you have been toxic for my mental health for quite some time. Time I’ve spent researching to discover what you’re doing isn’t appropriate for the classroom; it’s abusive and reportable. If you’ll excuse me, I need to speak to the M. Damocles, as well as my parents. And perhaps the Board of Governors, as I am no longer willing to tolerate this treatment and its continued harm to my education.”

With that, she marched down the stairs, past an open-mouthed Bustier, and out of the classroom, holding her head high.

Once in the open hallway, clear of the windows, she deflated.

“Well, fuck,” she whispered. “I guess I get to do research on a new collège, too.”

She supposed, at least, she’d been successful at diverting Bustier from the Ladybug accusations; the last thing she needed was for Ladybug-hater Lila to know and come after her.

“You and me both.”

Adrien’s voice behind her nearly made her jump out of her skin. She was relieved to see no one else had followed him. She could hear the hullaballoo of the classroom behind her, all control having been lost.

He quirked a grin. “We’re in it together, Bugaboo. As always.”

She stared, feeling like there was a hamster lolling on the wheel of her thoughts instead of running to turn it.

Adrien took her arm. “Come on. I’ll support you. Let’s go talk to M. Damocles.”

“Ch-Chat?” Marinette managed in a hiss as her brain finally caught up.

He gently guided her forward. “My Lady.”

She wasn’t sure whether she wanted to laugh, cry, scream, or some combination of the three. But as they approached M. Damocles’ office, Marinette pushed the issue aside.

After all, she had work to do, and Ladybug didn’t leave work unfinished.

[jordanr770-blog]

America Needs Some Talent

 I just needed someplace to write down my thoughts so here we are!

I have been watching America’s Got Talent since season 11 when the ukulele girl won. I personally didn’t vote for her but can understand why she won. Same goes for season 12. I was rooting super hard for Diavolo but can understand why puppet girl won. Season 13 had some of the best acts ever (Shin Lim-winner) and I know a lot of people disliked her, but Courtney Hadwin should have at least  gotten 5th place over sob story “I’m such a good person and I hit my wife” Michael Ketterer. Kodi Lee was the obvious winner of season 14 and I personally thought he deserved it over the other acts. Other people did not think it was well deserved, and that’s ok too.  

Last season we got a spoken word poet in the form of Brandon Leake. I did not enjoy the act AT ALL and was kind of mad that he won, but I will say that even though I did not enjoy him, spoken word poetry is indeed a talent.

Now, you may be thinking that season 16 would be a smidgeon of an improvement over season 15. Talent and reality shows should probably strive to become better every season. But if you thought this show isn’t capable of getting any worse, you haven’t been paying attention because this show will always find ways to disappoint. Last night we were told everyone voted for an INSPIRATIONAL speech giver as the winner. Or I’m sorry, apparently he does magic. His name is Dustin Tavella. But the thing is, he was HORRIBLE at both storytelling AND magic and nowhere near deserved the win. “It was well deserved.” How? How is a kindergarten level “magician” worth a million dollars and a Vegas show? I believe the show in Vegas is about an hour and a half and I am curious as to what is he going to do in that timeframe? Talk about how the folks living in Vegas are living in sin while simultaneously throwing paper in the air MAGICALLY? I’m sure the audience will go wild over that. Or maybe during all of his shows he will adopt a kid a day from different countries and then spend about an hour talking about Little ZimZam’s harsh life and while he’s babbling  he’ll be semi incorporating his poor magic skills into the act in the last minute so the poster stating he’s a magician didn’t TECHNICALLY lie so nobody is getting their money back. I really don’t know. I have a lot of thoughts. 

Plus, his sob story just did nothing for me whatsoever. Good for you for adapting 11 children, unless it has to do with whatever your act is, shut the hell up and do the trick! Not once did this guy impress  or give even the best of a performance of the night. It was always 8+ minutes of “inspiration” and tirades about how we as a society need to be good to one another whilst doing crappy magic. Let me tell you, I know next to nothing about magic but even I could tell he was a less than stellar magician. Even calling him a magician is somewhat laughable. In reality he's a motivational speaker who does terrible magic tricks and  who always somehow manages to suck at said terrible magic but America apparently doesn’t notice him screwing up his terrible magic because he’s too busy telling them to look at a crumpled up piece of paper or a ladder or the new photograph of his adopted son who has an extra eyeball or whatever. It’s stupid.

Last night for his final performance Dustin’s act was, and I kid you not, telling us all to be nice. FOR SEVEN UNNECESSARY MINUTES. And I do believe he started to fake cry. Dude, you’re acting is about as good as Heidi Klum’s. You can't act and you can barely do magic. Why are you here? What is your talent? Did he really join a talent show to become some type of inspirational God of obvious wisdom? If that’s the case, he should have gone and done a Ted Talk, many less victims of mediocrity that way. America somehow  put him in the top 5 with actually talented people? I think not. The act itself was not impressive and he did the same thing every time, just told a different sob story. If you have to rely on a sad story to win, you don’t deserve to win a show where talent is the main objective. 

In case my last few paragraphs were not made abundantly clear, I am not a fan of this dude. At all. I read a comment which stated that a message is not a talent and whoever said that is 100% correct and summed up my feelings pretty accurately. I'm not a fan or boring and basic tricks combined with even worse stories. He's the living embodiment of a motivational meme and anyone who voted for this guy is  gullible and can fight me. Maybe people “voted” for him because he attempted to pull on the heartstrings? But because I sold my heart long ago his act didn’t effect me as much. /s But I swear every year they make it more clear that the entire show is rigged. 

Well, maybe the voting ISN’T rigged entirely and all the boomers  (first time I’ve ever used that term) and antivaxxers and easily swayed by sob story people on Twitter and Facebook voted for him. Doubtful, but you never know. HE WAS SO FREAKING BAD!!!

We are all allowed to have opinions and just because you don’t agree with me that doesn’t mean I am an awful person who deserves DEATH. I keep getting responses and messages on Twitter from angry folk who are calling me heartless because I questioned WHY they voted for him. “Well, IIIII gave Dustin all 10 of my votes!” That’s nice Karen. That is also not an answer and I cannot stress enough how much I do not care that you voted for the phony used cars salesman. Go tell your Prince from Nigeria all about it. Another guy got mad and reported me for “yelling at strangers.” Which is kind of a typical thing people do on Twitter. And I wasn’t even yelling! Lol. 

And another point I’d like to make (about this and  in general) is people really need to stop using the terms “all of us” and the word “we.” I am my own person and you do not get to speak for me. 

“We were all crying when we saw him perform!” - No WE most certainly weren’t. I was seething with anger, yes. Crying? Not even close.

“His magic touched all of our hearts!” WHAT MAGIC? WHERE WAS THE MAGIC IN THIS MANS ENTIRE ACT? I MUST HAVE MISSED IT AFTER I PASSED OUT FROM HIS 7 MINUTE LONG STORY ABOUT HIS BORING LIFE. 

His win was a complete insult.

* I personally voted for Aidan Bryant, but I really wanted Unicircle Flow to win before they got kicked off due to the judges having a tendency to suck at picking during judges choice. *

Edit: I apologize if this wasn’t articulated very well or if it seems I basically said the same thing over and over. To be fair it was 3 am when I wrote this and I was still irritated and questioning everything. Still doesn’t excuse the fact that this guy was lame and doesn’t deserve a Vegas show. My mom told me earlier today that people on the Internet are mad about his win and that it’s not fair to take it out on the guy, which I suppose is kind of true. Not exactly his fault the general public has failed and shown their stupidity yet again. If anyone is to blame it is the people who actually voted for this doofus. And AGT. And yeah, I guess I will blame him as well. But I’m not saying go to his Twitter or Instagram or whatever and call him out for being a con artist and bully him. 

I think the MESSAGE =P I’m trying to display here  is that someone has no business being on a talent show unless they have talent; self explanatory. A message isn’t talent. Being a narcissist isn’t talent. Exploiting your kids and wife isn’t talent. Speaking can be a talent (comedy, that poetry guy, acting, improv, probably a lot of other stuff I’m forgetting about) but one shouldn’t call themselves a magician if one is really a way less cool garage sale version of Talky Tina. Magic IS talent but if you want a million dollars you better have skills that are on par or better than the professionals. 

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Hot take: Bakugou's character wouldn't survive if not for the one he kept abusing all his life. 90% of his character revolves around his victim and yet the fandom paints him as this super developed, fleshed out character when in reality he'd never be anything bigger than a side character if not for Deku.

Also the concequences he supposedly received are just him being teased or not getting the win he wanted, no being kidnapped doesn't count, he literally got away with his shit while even been treated like a victim and the privilege to know something about Deku that isn't any of his business. And now because he sacrificed himself that one time the fandom acts like Izuku owes his ass anything. It's disgusting.

I have given up on him actually being half the decent character ppl make him out to be and the fandom reaction to him makes me hate him even more.

He's not complex, he's just a pretty boy, asshole archetype who gets nicer and has some more cooperative and ppl love to eat that shit up while making up stuff for him. He changes but he's doesn't change for what matters and definitely pales in comparison to other characters who are better written than him.

(holy shit, did they remove the character limit on asks?? omg a GODSEND)

Well yeah, if it weren’t for Izuku and how he treats Izuku he wouldn’t have anything to improve from; people only think he’s developed because he no longer outright bullies him and “””worries””” (I say in heavy quotes) about him, and “reflects” on how he treated him even though he.......... comes to the absolute wrongest, most idiotic conclusions imaginable, that put the brunt of the excuses on Izuku instead of himself, but Toshinori validates him because Horikoshi has made Toshi into Bakugou’s uwu stan and stan of the two boys’ “friendship” (completely ignoring the fact that THIS KID FOR TEN YEARS BULLIED HIS SON). He’s basically already been devolved to acting like a side character for a long time now, with his funny anger quirk pun partly intended that’s just treated like a joke at this point, just like everyone else’s character quirks, even though it would be far more interesting for him to, you know. actually get some therapy and learn to calm himself and become an actual pleasant person to be around. But that’s not what makes him “funny”, that’s not him, according to most people, so he’s always going to stay like this, a boring angry pomeranian who flies off the handle at everything for no reason, who has done the absolute bare minimum of “changing”, which makes him a perfect character in everyone’s eyes.

“He changes but doesn’t change for what matters” pretty much sums up the problem with him in a nutshell, and is the exact reason he frustrates me so much, that I’ve ranted about plenty before. Bakugou has never been viewed through the lens of a bully, an abuser, he was never set up to be that, at least not realistically, and so his development hasn’t happened in accordance with that setup either, and people don’t have a problem with it and actively praise it because the manga actively downplay(ed)s the severity of that origin story. People can ignore the reality of how seriously traumatic being bullied for ten years of your childhood, verbally and physically would be, and how seriously and with such sensitivity such a relationship and character arc must be handled, because aside from the very first chapter when Izuku and Bakugou are still in middle school, really, with the “take a swan dive off the roof” comment and others, it’s never focused on in that way ever again; ever since, it’s just been treated as a typical anime “rivalry”, that both of them need to better themselves to overcome. The story and teachers say “the two of them are so alike but they just keep missing each other; if they just made up for each others’ weaknesses and understood that they both want the same thing, they’d be stronger together!”, and Izuku HIMSELF tries so hard to reach through to Bakugou, always still considering him his friend, always feeling like he’s the one equally at fault for their relationship being as rocky as it is, when BAKUGOU!!! FUCKING!!! BULLIED HIM!!! FOR TEN YEARS. bullied a DISABLED CHILD, which again, as a disabled person who relates to Izuku and how he felt about his quirklessness, feelings that continue to affect him even long after he gets a quirk because of how he was treated when he was younger, is DEEPLY unsettling to me. You CANNOT read/watch MHA without the metaphor of quirklessness = disabled being very apparent, and so that makes Bakugou’s bullying and how it is so utterly glossed over and purposefully forgotten a hundred times more disturbing and aggravating than it already is! If this were any other shounen rivalry then yes, it could be resolved with effort from both parties, because both parties have their own personal reasons for why they have trouble getting along with the other, and the fun is watching to see how they will overcome those, but Izuku and Bakugou were never on an equal playing field to begin with; this is a bullying story, with its victim trying desperately to win over and befriend his abuser, when he owes him absolutely NOTHING and has a BOATLOAD of unresolved issues thanks to said bullying, with no outside help from adults for either of them because none of them are acknowledging it as fucking bullying. I guarantee you that if the manga went into much more painful, bleak detail and showed many more flashbacks of how Izuku was treated by Bakugou in the past, and then still continued with the “development” he’s had since, people would be unable to ignore it like they can now, and it would make all of them extremely uncomfortable like it does those of us now who already dislike him. Hori himself has said he doesn’t understand why Bakugou is so popular, but he’s able to just continue as he does with him because no one is complaining, and because he said he regrets making him so awful in the beginning, as if that magically makes it disappear as much as it already has in 90% of the fandom’s collective mind. You wanna know an actual good manga that also deals with a bully of a disabled child growing and improving himself and forming a close relationship with his former victim? A Silent Voice. Such a journey is long, and hard, and it is painful, with many ups and downs and many nasty, hateful, guilt-filled, depression-filled feelings from both sides, along with from other characters who either also partook in the bullying, were bystanders to it who did nothing, or were indirect victims as well. The bully is bullied himself after what he does, and then grows up nearly suicidal, closing himself off and struggling to be social and make new friends because he doesn’t know how and doesn’t entirely feel like he deserves it (and the story notably doesn’t go the route of “he was abused too at home and so that’s why he bullied”), and tries and fails many times to make amends with the person he hurt before he finally is at peace with himself and everyone; the victim, meanwhile, drowns in continued guilt and suicidal feelings over feeling like she’s a burden to others, both from her disability and from watching all the infighting and victim blaming and finger pointing that ensues between her old classmates when all of the nasty emotions are brought back to the surface, along with dealing with budding romantic feelings for her past bully when he genuinely starts being kind towards her and making an effort to connect with her. ASV is entirely about this complex narrative, it’s able to dedicate everything it has to telling this story tactfully and with all the time and attention it needs. MHA, meanwhile, is a shounen battle manga, and so it was never going to do this narrative and Bakugou’s arc justice, even though I honestly think it could have if Hori really wanted to, because Izuku and Toshinori’s relationship has such masterfully subtle and touching emotions and care, at least early on; Horikoshi knows how to write good, subtle character arcs. I’m not asking for something ASV level, of course not, when the series has so many other things it has to juggle. I just wanted Bakugou to be treated as exactly what he is: a former bully, who can be taught, and learn, and reflect, and change, and become a better, more humble, more interesting person, and actually become someone worthy of all the praise and love he gets, not only for Izuku’s sake, but for his own, as well. They don’t excuse his actions in the slightest, but it’s still undeniable that Bakugou himself is a victim of how the adults in his life have treated him and raised his own expectations of himself, giving him the crippling insecurity issues he has, and that they continue to harm him (and Izuku) by simply letting him continue to go on angrily the way he does, instead of getting him help and some therapy in order for him to change and heal from things like being kidnapped by villains (which is no small thing to go through!! on top of his guilt over Toshinori’s final battle!) and becoming a better person to the one he hurt in the past, and it all just makes me so sad, not because I’m all “uwu poor Bakugou”, but just cause his character deserves better, as a person he deserves better, just like Izuku deserves better than everything he’s gone through because of him. This is all just a very long-winded way of agreeing with you OP that yes, none of Bakugou’s “punishments” for his behavior mean anything because he’s punished as a rival student who needs to humble himself in order to get along with his friend he doesn’t like, not as a former(??) bully who needs to be separated from his victim. The bar is set so low, was never set where it should be, and so absolutely no progress to “better himself” Bakugou makes either will mean anything, as long as it’s never acknowledged that he needs to make amends as a bully and abuser.

[picturejasper20]

Malachite Character Analysis

(Warning: Mention and analysis of a very toxic relationship.)

¨These two are really bad for each other. Malachite was formed through extortion and deception and held together out of revenge. Malachite is the worst relationship imaginable.¨

Malachite was a character that was introduced in Season 1 finale "Jailbreak" after Jasper and Lapis Lazuli decided to fuse together to defeat the Crystal gems.

In this post i'm going to examine Malachite as a fusion and what she tells us about Jasper and Lapis and their relationship.

Lapis Lazuli´s and Jasper´s backstory:

First let's talk a bit about Jasper's and Lapis´ past:

Steven first found Lapis trapped in a Gem mirror, after spending some time with her, he decided to free her and later healed her gem so she could return to Homeworld by using her magic water wings.

In the episode ¨Same Old World¨ (Season 3) Lapis tells to Steven her backstory about how she got trapped in that mirror.

¨It was thousands of years ago. I was only meant to visit for a short time, but I got caught in the middle of the war. It was awful. I tried to run, but... I was picked up by a Homeworld soldier and confused for a Crystal Gem, and used as a tool.¨

Lapis talks about what happened to her as it was an accident, a terrible tragedy in which there´s not only one person she can blame for all her problems. In a way, she´s potrayed as victim of the Gem war, she was on Earth for a visit and then she was meant to leave.

She was treated as a prisoner from gems who were supposed to be on her side, used as a tool and left behind on Earth like her life was nothing.

¨It soon became clear that there was no hope in stopping the rebellion. All of the Homeworld Gems fled, and all the panic of escaping Earth, I was left behind. And there I stayed. Freedom in my sight, but out of reach for ages, until I was found.¨

Then she spend thousands of year trapped in that mirror, alone, with no one to talk to, with her gem cracked on top of that. Anyone stuck in that situation who quickly became insane and would definely not be the same person that used to be before the traumatic event.

It´s not suprising Lapis was so angry when Steven free her from that mirror. While she didn´t want to get revenge on the Crystal gems she still had a lot of anger and frustration buried deep inside her.

As for Jasper, her backstory differs greatly from Lapis´:

Jasper was born in the middle of the gem war in the Beta Kindergarten, in less than a few hours she took more than 80+ Crystal gems impressing many Homeworld gems due to her strengh.

She was considered a gem role model in Homeworld, she was an example of what a quartz soldier should be. The issue was that depiste being highly respected by her peers, she couldn´t get out of her mind that she still was a gem that came from the worst kindergarten on Earth.

According to Peridot on ¨Beta¨ most gems born in the Beta Kirdengarten came out flawed or defective in some way. This was because Homeworld rushed the place during the war to get more gems. 

Jasper was one of the few gems that came out ¨right¨ to the point she could be considered a superquartz soldier by Homeworld´s standards.

However not matter how much praised she got, Jasper thought there was something with her because of her origins. This made her develop an  obsession with proving her power and getting more and more self-destructive as time passed.

¨Jasper is a bully in the truest sense. Deep down, she's afraid there's something wrong with her, so she has to feed her ego. She has to put other Gems down to stay on top. Who she is and where she's from gnaws at her all the time. She has a fantastic reputation, she's considered the greatest Quartz soldier produced on Earth, and that might impress other Gems, but it will never be good enough for her.¨

¨Because she loves honor, fighting, making her mark, and winning the battle, she'll actually go against her programming a little bit just to be the winner. So she can be self-destructive at times. She is tragically obsessed with proving her superiority.¨

Why is all this important? Well, it´s essential to know where these characters are coming from to understand why they decided to be Malachite in first place and why they were a recipe for disaster the moment that Jasper asked Lapis to fuse with her.

On one hand you have a gem that was spent thousands of years trapped against her will and carries a lot on anger and trauma inside her. On the other hand the other gem also has war trauma, it's very self-destructive and thinks she's horrible. Mix these two together and what you get is a unstable fusion made of hate and revenge.

Malachite as a metaphor for Jasper´s and Lapis´ relationship

Now that i have talked about their past. I going examine the scene in which they fuse into Malachite in "Jailbreak" and what the fusion tells us about their relationship.

After being defeated by Garnet (a fusion) Jasper decides to find someone she could also fuse with to win against the Crystal gems.

She spot Lapis Lazuli and grabs her before she can escape flying. She convinces Lapis to fuse with her to get revenge on Crystal gems. She reminds her how they used her and how they are traitors to Homeworld.

¨These Gems, they're traitors to their Homeworld. They kept you prisoner. They used you.¨

It's worth of pointing out that Jasper never tries to "force" Lapis into fusing with her in this scene. She tries using her, true, but she waits until Lapis accepts and gives her hand.

Now, Jasper could care less about Lapis in this scene. For her, she was only just a tool to get revenge on the Crystal gems and Rose Quartz. There wasn't any "trust" between the two.

As for Lapis, she tried escaping from Jasper first but after realising that she was about to being used again by someone who had kept her prisoner in the ship she snapped and decided to stop being treated like an object for once.

Moments later after they fused into Malachite, Lapis took control of the fusion's water powers and chained her down, dragging her into the bottow of the ocean.

¨I'm done being everyone's prisoner. Now you're my prisoner! And I'm never letting you go! Let's stay on this miserable planet... together!¨

As Lapis stated, she was done of being everyone's prisioner, she was tired of being treated like a tool by everyone. Control in her own life was something was constanly taken away from her. So by trapping Malachite (and herself) meant that was able to make choices again.

As for Jasper, i already mentioned that she only wanted Lapis to become more powerful. Jasper is a gem that shown to be obssesed with winning and fighting. She doesn't accept defeat easily and the more she loses, more self-destructive she gets.

In "Chilled tid" Steven gets a glimpse of what Malachite's mind looked like: Lapis and Jasper were fighting over the control of the fusion. They both were completely exhausted and beaten.

There's a visual methaphor about how they are both chained to Malachite in this dream sequence. This is very much like how it's really difficult to get out of a toxic/codependent relationship and how one feels trapped with no hope of getting out of it.

Another interesting detail is when Jasper takes control, all she's able to say is "YOU! YOU! YOU!¨ to Steven. It shows how crazy she gets when can't win a battle and how her mind deteriorates in the process.

The episode "Alone at the Sea" explores their relationship even further by showing which their main motivations were and how it affect them both.

First of all, the reason of why Lapis didn't want to be near the ocean again it's because it remind her of time she used to be fused with Jasper:

"Look, Lapis, I know you spent a really long time fused with Jasper at the bottom of the ocean, but you're not Malachite anymore.And water is a part of who you are. You can't let one bad experience take that away from you."

During the boat trip Lapis keeps blaming herself for the events of Ocean gem and Malachite:

"It's my fault. I'm the one to blame."

"I'm terrible! I did horrible things! I-I broke your dad's leg. I stole Earth's ocean! Go on! Tell me I'm wrong!"

She describes herself as "terrible". She thinks she don't deserve the kindness that Steven has giving her during all this time.

Lapis is a character who usually stuggles with change in the series. She thinks she won't be able to revover from her trauma, that she can't grow and become a better person.

She also mentions to him how she can't help but think of when she used to be Malachite.

"I'm really trying to enjoy it out here, but... I can't stop thinking about being fused as Malachite, how I used all my strength to hold her down in the ocean, and how I was always battling against Jasper to keep her bound to me."

"But it's not like that anymore. You don't have to be with Jasper."

"That's not it. I... I miss her."

"What?!"

"We were fused for so long."

This implies that after spending so much together Jasper and Lapis became codependent of each other. Steven, who was still a teenager in this scene, couldn't fully get grasp of why his friend who missed being in a terrible situation like that.

And Lapis was not the only one that felt like this.

When Jasper shows up, she shows she has been missing Lapis as well and she has been tracking her to find her.

In a very rare moment that would look out of character for her Jasper kneels down and begs for Lapis to be Malachite again.

¨Let's be Malachite again.¨  

Keep in mind that until know Jasper has always been potrayed as someone who would do anything it takes to win. She's tough gem soldier who isn't afraid of her enemies. She's strong,cocky and agressive. So why did she ask to be Malachite again?

"I was wrong about fusion. You made me understand! Malachite was bigger and stronger than both of us! We could fly!"

She emphazises Malachite's power when they were fused. How strong and powerful she was.

This makes sense considering the factthat Jasper thinks of herself as "horrible" and "defective". She has a huge inferiority complex that comes from how Earth gems are perceived on Homeworld.

So, being Malachite made her feel "complete" and cover up her insecurities and personal issues.

"It'll be better this time. I've changed. You've changed me. I'm the only one who can handle your kind of power."

She tries to convince Lapis by saying how she's the only one that can "handle" her powers. This shows again how self-destructive Jasper can be as she was willing to go through that pain again just to feel powerful.

Another reason, i think, it's because she partially blames herself for Pink Diamond'd shattering. She probably wanted to be punished for her "failure" or wanted someone who she could follow again much like she started calling Steven "My diamond" in "Homeworld Bound".

As for Lapis, there are a few reasons she had her doubts of being Malachite again:

1) The fusion was a way for her to gain control back on her own life. She was tired of being tricked and used by everyone that she wanted to take her anger on someone.

"I was terrible to you. I liked taking everything out on you. I needed to, I-I hated you. It was bad!"

Lapis wanted someone to go through the same pain she had to endure for thousands of years. And that someone could have anyone. She choosed Jasper as she was the closest one to her in "Jailbreak".

When she was separated, she felt she suddenly lost that great amount of power that the fusion gave to her. She lost that "control" she had.

2) During "Alone at the sea" she describes herself many times as terrible and how she doesn't deserve the boat trip. She keeps blaming herself from her actions and how she can't get better.

Jasper even calls Lapis a monster in a moment, stating they very much alike:

"You can't lie to me. I've seen what you're capable of. I thought I was a brute, but you... you're a monster."

Lapis wanted to go back to be Malachite since she thought it was what someone as terrible as her deserved. She thought she couldn't grow into good person. Gems terrible as her and Jasper were meant to be together.

But Lapis knew better than getting trapped in that fusion again.

"NO! ""What we had wasn't healthy. I never want to feel like I felt with you. Never again! So just, go!"

In the end she refused to fuse with Jasper and realised how toxic their relationship was. It was a terrible experience and something she didn't want to take part in ever again.

Malachite as a character

Being fusion who is supposed to represent an very toxic relationship, Malachite is potrayed as very agressive, unstable and sadistic. She´s quite unpredictable since her actitude depends of who it´s taking control of her.

When her eyes are ¨cat shaped¨ it usually means that Jasper is the one controlling her. If her eyes are wide and open, it indicates Lapis is the one in control.

It´s difficult to affirm Malachite ever had her own personality at all,as her components were always fighting over her power and she was a mere tool from the moment she was ¨born¨.

¨A fusion like theirs is unstable, bound together by anger and mistrust. If that bond snaps, their anger will take over, and destroy.¨  

She ends up being a pretty tragic character as her whole existence was filled by hatred and suffering to the point she didn´t know anything else. Unlike other characters from Steven universe she wasn´t given the chance to redeem herself.

It´s interesting how Malachite in ¨Super Watermelon Island¨ kept exchaching between ¨we¨ and ¨I¨ to talk about herself. This indicates again that she wasn´t fully her own person.

If Lapis and Jasper were to fuse again after having worked through their issues, Malachite would be a more stable and less agressive fusion. But that´s very unlikely to happen since it was a terrifying experience for both of them.

In conclusion: Malachite is character with tons of metaphors that talks a lot about Lapis and Jasper and who they are as people. She serves to show how toxic some relationships can get when there is a lack of basic trust and understanding and is created by mutual hatred. It´s an example of how complicated relationships can be and how a person it´s really more complex they appear to be.

[ren1327]

Sweater Weather Ch. 6

Kenji noticed how quiet Ben was as he packed his suitcase again, too focused on folding his shirts a certain way.

“You excited?” Kenji asked.

“About what?”

“The hotel stay?” Kenji asked.

“Oh! Yeah. We’re coming back after the run through, right?”

“Yeah, it’s just a week.” Kenji said and stared at his suitcase.

“Oh…Um, will it be that short?” He asked.

“Do you wanna just…stay here?” Kenji asked. “I mean, we still go in a couple days and make it the night before if you want. Have some time to cool our heads.”

“Will that be okay?” Ben asked.

“Sure!” Kenji said. “Let me just go tell my Dad.”

 *

 Candy hugged him extra tight.

“I hope your cold feels better, Mijo.” She said and smiled at Ben, who smiled back, bundled in pajamas and a blanket wrapped around to his ears.

“Are you sure you don’t want us to take Carmen?” Kosei asked and his daughter huffed.  

“Daddy! I can feed myself and I’ll stay out of the way. Besides. That means I get to know Ben better!” She said. “I can make him caldo and spiced atole!”

“I don’t know what those are, but I’m gonna eat them.”

“Heck yeah, we are!” Kenji said excitedly. “Cause I’m gonna help!”

“You still cook, Mi Bebe?” Candy asked with a smile.

“I…I lived alone.” Kenji said. “It’s not as good as yours but…”

Candy cocked her head and kissed his cheek, pinching it.

“Pobrecito…” She said with a laugh. “Be safe and stay warm.”

“Owen will bring you two back in two days.” Kosei said and hugged Carmen close.

“Okay. Have fun!” Carmen yelled as they left.

She turned around with a grin, scooping up Bumpy.

“I’m going to make caldo for dinner, but for now, me and Bumpy are gonna go watch Ducktales and eat jerky!”

“Floss after!” Kenji called as she ran up the stairs.

“Think they bought the sick act?” Ben asked, dropping the blanket from his head down to his shoulders.

“Nope. But they’re catering to you.” He said, placing his hands on Ben’s exposed shoulders.

“Isn’t that my boyfriend’s job?” Ben asked with a smile.

“Just act sick today and we can do something tomorrow.” Kenji said, turning around to hide his blush.

“Okay.” Ben said. “So…I’m assuming most of this act will be bumming around and cuddling?”

Kenji cleared his throat.

“My parents aren’t here…” He said.

“Practice.”

Kenji blinked and looked at Ben, looking up from hooded eyes.

“I…okay. You wanna read a book while I look at my phone?” Kenji asked.

“You know me so well, Honey.” Ben said with a tilt of his head.

Kenji’s heart thudded as he looked down at his pretend boyfriend.

 *

 Carmen knocked gently on the door and Kenji called out to let her in.

She opened it slowly and peek in, the smell of rich chicken soup wafting through the house.

“Kenji, can you help me with something?” She asked.

Kenji looked down at Ben, who was curled up in another one of his sweaters and sleeping soundly.

“Sure.” He said and wrapped a blanket around Ben, kissing his forehead.

“Aw~” Carmen cooed.

“Shut up. You’ll get it.” He said knowingly.

He followed her to the kitchen, where she had a large crockpot full of shredded chicken and veggies.

“I always get the spices wrong even when I follow Mama’s recipe.” She whined.

“I got ya.” He said and grabbed a rotating spice rack of glass shakers filled with chopped herbs, ground spices and full leaves.

“First off, no cilantro. It taste like soap to some people so just better to nix it. Next, we add cumin, black peppercorn, a whole bay leaf and chili paste.” He said, making a showoff adding the spices and stirring it with a wooden spoon. “I don’t smell that certain…twang.”

“Not everyone can handle your spice!” She reminded him. “But…maybe jalapeno juice?”

“Ding ding ding! Prize to the cutie in Steven Universe socks!” He said and she smiled, getting him a bottle from the fridge.

He added a splash, stirred it once more and covered it. “And now we wait two awful hours.”

“We can start the rice after about an hour and a half, right?” She asked.

“So…what do you say we go all the way with this meal?” he asked.

“You mean-?!”

“Chocolate time, Baby!” He said and she squealed.

He quickly grabbed a few bowls and pans. Carmen placed her phone in a speaker and quick tempered guitar sounded in the kitchen.

It was no secret that the Kon siblings took after their mother’s culture when it came to food. They joked that was how she had seduced their father before winning him over with her empathetic personality. They had explored her childhood hotspots, from the River Walk, to the Art Museum to Fiesta Square and the Quarry Market, they had walked and shopped with their Mama and visit old friends in the barrios near downtown to check on them.

“When I was little, my Tia lived with two other families in a house meant for one. But they cooked together and worked hard so their children could go to school and do something with their lives. And we made sure to return and take care of them.” She said as their old Tia sat in a plush chair, eyes closed in content and body relaxed as Carmen chattered on about her day at school, Kosei watching them worriedly to make sure the old woman did not get overwhelmed in the small hot kitchen.

“But I remembered the food and how good it was. Even if there wasn’t a lot, there was still so much love and flavor in it.” She said, stirring the red rice and a teen Kenji adding peas and sliced jalapenos to it. “So when I cook, I remember the love and care that went into it and remember what my family did, where we came from. How a lot can go into a little still.”

She then held out a small spoon of rice and Kenji took a bite; lemon, tomatoes, and pepper blending together perfectly into the rice and blooming over his tongue. He felt his Mother’s kiss on his forehead and smiled.

He sighed happily as he mixed the chocolate and then held the spoon to Carmen to taste. She took it and happily put it in her mouth with a hum.

Had Ben experienced what his mother had in her childhood?

Had his mother shown him her love in what little she could give. Kenji Recalled how he and Carmen had nice clothes and food growing up. How Carmen asked for a game and got it the same day.

His parents worked their butts off and he…

He had just run away.

No wonder his father was so pissed at him all those years and now…

Now he saw him and Ben and looked hopeful. Like Kenji might pull himself together for Ben and that…that…

“That’s not fair.” He said out loud and noticed Carmen had paused holding out the small desert bowls decorated with diamond.

“Kenji?” She asked.

“I…I’ve been such a dick.” He sighed and hugged Carmen.

“Um, let’s plate these and put them away and then…you wanna talk?” She asked.

“Yeah.” Kenji said and she held the bowls as he filled them.

Carmen placed them in the freezer, and they started on the dishes, washing them by hand this time.

“I’ll wash, you dry.” Carmen said and Kenji nodded, both of them rolling up their sleeves in unison.

As they settled in a nice silence, Kenji looked at Carmen.

“I ran away after the breakup and I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing to me?” She asked.

Kenji took a breath and turned to his sister, leaning against the counter top.

“I know about the bullying.”

“I…of course you do.” She sighed.

“Carm, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it’s no big deal.” She huffed, handing him a pot.

“It is to me!” Kenji said, aggressively wiping it down with a towel. “My little sister is hurting and I…”

“What would you even do?” She asked.

“I…I don’t know, something!”

“Kenji!” She said and looked at him. “You’re here. You’re here and that’s…”

She sniffed as her voice cracked, eyes filling with tears.

“You’re here and I’m okay.” She sobbed the last word, Kenji gathering her in his arms.

“Yeah…” He said and rubbed her back. “And I’m gonna be here for you no matter what.”

“What about—”

“Shh…” Kenji whispered. “Let me be here for you.”

Carmen nodded into his shirt.

“I have something to tell you.” He said. “About Ben.”

“That you two are obviously not an item?”

He pulled her back.

“What the heck, Carmen?” He yelled.

“I could tell, duh. You two are so not okay in each other’s arms and you are so forced.” She said with a smirk. “You can fool Mama and Dad, but not me.”

“So…”

“Explain.” She said and Kenji sighed.

“Well…”

 *

 Ben woke up to Bumpy licking his face.

He took a deep breath and Carmen was there, eyes watery and clutching her dress.

“Carmen?” He asked, then huffed when the teen hugged him around the neck.

“I’m so sorry!” She cried. “I didn’t know my brother dragged you into this dumb mess!”

“Uh…” Kenji said, his left cheek red from a slap.

“You told her.” Ben said.

“He did and I am so mad and sad and…”

“He wanted to make your parents proud.” Ben said with a sigh. “And I needed to get away for a bit.”

“Do you two even like each other?” Carmen asked.

“I…” Ben bit his lip. “I cant answer that right now. I’m comfortable with your brother.”

“You shouldn’t settle with someone who hurt you!” Carmen yelled and Ben looked up at Kenji.

“You told her—”

“Everything.” Kenji said.

“Carmen.” Ben said and pulled her to sit next to him, taking her hands. “Listen. I hated your brother back then.”

Kenji cringed.

“I thought it was his fault my mom got too stressed and…” He took another deep breath. “It wasn’t. We were just stupid kids doing stupid things at the worst time…And yes. Your brother hurt me. Scarred me in some ways. And you know what happened?”

“What?”

“I dated an absolute scumbag cause I thought, ‘hey, I could take years of abuse from Kenji Kon, I can handle this.’ But I couldn’t…He…” Ben covered his mouth and gagged a bit, Kenji grabbing the trash can and holding it under Ben’s head.

He pushed it away, shaking his head.

“He hurt me so bad.” He said and Carmen covered her mouth. “And I was okay with that.”

“W-Why?” She asked.

“I’ve been a victim,” Ben said, voice wobbling. “Like, my whole life. And I hated it. And now, I’m homeless and leeching off the only people who have ever been nice to me. And I hate it.”

He sniffed and wiped his hot face, vision blurry.

“So when I realized I could find a way out with your brother’s help, I thought, ‘well, he owes me’. And yet…He has shown me something I cant believe. He’s changed, Carmen. And I never thought I’d be excited to see Kenji Kon, than I am when he comes through a door. And yeah…maybe this is fake, but I’m happier that he’s willing to help me stand on my own two feet by showing me that change is possible. He went from an absolute dick—”

“I was.” Kenji interjected.

“—to a kind and devoted older brother who adores his parents, his friends and wants to make up for what he did to me.” Ben said. “And I’m giving him this chance. I’m sorry we lied.”

“This is still really messed up. What if Mama and Dad want you two to…y’know…stay together?” She asked.

“I’d tell them everything. In all honesty, it was mainly to show I had gotten over Brooklynn.” Kenji said.

“Have you?” Carmen asked.

Kenji made a face and Ben huffed, grabbing his boots and coat. “Excuse me.”

Carmen watched as Kenji quickly followed Ben out the hall and to the backyard.

“This was so stupid!” Ben yelled into the trees.

Kenji grabbed his arms and pulled him back. “Dude, you’re in pajamas!”

“I don’t care! This is…This was a mistake, Kenji…” Ben said.

“Ben…please, hate me all you want, but I need you, not just for this stupid lie.” Kenji said. “I…You make me happy, Ben.”

“Happy?”

“You make me calm and like…like I can have this.”

“And what is this?” Ben asked with a shake of his head.

Kenji pulled him into a tight hug. Ben blushed as he felt the other’s chest thudding.

“Kenji?”

“I liked you. Back then, I liked you and I was such an asshole.” He said.

Ben shoved him away. “That is such…You are such a…”

His face was red and his nose wrinkled and Kenji could see tears building again.

“I think I still do…” Kenji said, taking a step forward.

Ben covered his face before reaching out and yanking Kenji down by his shirt collar, kissing him as snow started to fall. Ben pushed him back a bit, to glare at him with almost no heat.

“Then do this correctly.” Ben hissed and pulled him back into another kiss.

After a moment, Kenji put his own coat around Ben.

“Let’s get you into a warm bath. It’s too cold for you here.” Kenji said and led him back into the house and past Carmen, who seemed to be grinning behind her hands.

------------------------------------------

Sorry this took so long. But hopefully, I can continue when I have time, and power. Hopefully Texas will get back to normal soon. 

[comedicreliefonlyworkswhenfunny]

I just wanna rant for a second about something I keep seeing

Bakugou losing his quirk is not going to be a good "redemption" tactic

If anything, it's a really bad plot point.

Yes, he'll understand how Midoriya felt, but people seem to forget that he already knows what it's like to be weak.

No, I don't condone any of the bullying that he's put others through. Yes, I understand that inflicting pain upon others to deal with your own is toxic, and, yes, I acknowledge that this is something his character needs to work past and overcome. However, stripping him of all his power is NOT going to "make him better;" it's going to make him worse.

People seem to forget that he's been dealing with shit for just as long as Midoriya has. Whether you focus on the constant praise that was pushed onto him- the EXPECTAIONS he was given- or the smaller fact that there was always someone out to get him. We don't know too, too much about him growing up, but he had an amazing quirk. From then on, he had a legacy; he had a duty to live up to those. He was constantly bombarded by the fact that he HAD to be strong ("because it's what everyone wants from him"). There are several issues that stem from this- one being his inability to show/acknowledge his own weakness.

When they were on the log bridge and he fell, Midoriya was the ONLY one who went down to help him. Everyone else brushed it off ("It's Bakugou, he's fine!"); he wasn't allowed to acknowledge how much pain he was in. Shit, man, did you see how high up that log bridge was? Water or not, that had to fucking hurt. Yet no one batted an eye (other than Midoriya). He was on his own, and that had a lasting impression on him.

He's not ALLOWED to lean on others, because- like everyone always told him- he's strong. This led to him pushing everyone away- this led to the idea that other people made him weak.

In addition to that, life was always against him. The show focuses a lot on how the world is always out for the weak- Midoriya, being the once quirkless main protagonist, was constantly mocked for his dreams of becoming a hero (if we're speaking honestly, those were very unrealistic dreams. While he poured every ounce of his being into studying and had the determination of an ox, he was a toothpick. He talked a lot about being willing to do anything for his dreams, but he did little to actually chase those desires- (but that's not what this discussion is about)).

When he was a first grader, a fifth grader bumped into him, and his friend group wanted Bakugou to apologize for it. Bakugou refused, and they tried to over power him. He ended up beating them (while Midoriya watched from behind a tree). Now, I can't really say for anyone else, but, when I was in first grade, the fifth graders in my school were scary, man!

But he won. He proved that he was stronger than them.

And you know what? No one was there for him. No one helped him fend them off. No one offered him a band aid or anything to help with his wounds. Of course, we can't say for sure, but (knowing any normal household) he was probably scolded for getting in a fight.

Another big event. The Sludge Villain Incident.

There were HEROES surrounding him within minutes of it happening. There were crowds of people WATCHING him squirm and suffer. They did NOTHING. They sat back and waited. The heroes got push down once, and said 'I can't do it. I'm going to wait for someone who can.'

Bakugou almost died.

He would have, if Midoriya hadn't rushed over.

If he had been weak, he could have lost his life. This event was just a staple telling him that he had to fend for himself in life, or he was going to crumble. Can you imagine being a child, VIOLATED AND SUFFOCATED in the middle of a CROWDED STREET, surrounded by people who were SUPPOSED to HELP others doing nothing?

And what happened after that?

He was praised.

He had to struggle for his life while everyone sat back and watched. And on top of that, they weren't concerned for his well being; they weren't asking him if he was okay. The heroes have him a blanket and a bottle of water, and showered him in praise for lasting so long. (Imagine if we treated r*pe victims like that. Instead of focusing on their humiliation and how wronged they were, imagine if we just told them they did great by enduring it. Does it help give you an idea of how this must have felt for him?) They told him that the only thing that mattered about him was his strength. The person that rushed in to save him- the ONLY one out of tens of people who didn't hesitate to act- was being scolded. Because he was weak (and shouldn't have rushed in).

Do you see the difference there?

Bakugou knew fully well that if Midoriya hadn't jumped in, he would have died. That was why he felt the need to chase him down after the incident and yell at him. He was so disgusted and upset with himself that he felt the need to prove himself- to say that "I didn't need your help!" Because he was so afraid of acknowledging his own weakness, he would rather look like a bully and an oppressor than the scared child he was.

Furthermore, the Sports Festival. A lot of people overlook it when it comes to Bakugou's growth and development, but it is quite important.

Todoroki used his fire against Midoriya (of course, Midoriya specifically plays into the impact for a couple of reasons, but I'm not going to go over them because this isn't the post).

Regardless of why, he went full out; he was determined to win the match.

Then, he entered the Final match with Bakugou, and refused to use his fire. From the point of view of someone who doesn't know the complicated Torodoki past, Bakugou only sees the fact that Todoroki isn't going all out. He's refusing to use the full force of his power in the FINAL match, despite being so determined in the past match.

Bakugou sees this as Todoroki looking down on him. Logically, who wouldn't? He used the full force of his power the match before, claiming that he wanted to win, but, suddenly now that he's up against Bakugou, winning doesn't matter enough for him. This is a major shot to Bakugou's pride (you know, the one that has been pushed on him for years, to the point where he has developed a hatred for weakness).

People get mad at Bakugou all the time for the Sports Festival arc, because of how his fight with Uraraka and Todoroki. However, they neglect to acknowledge the world they are in. Villains aren't going to go easy on Uraraka because she's a girl, and Bakugou going easy on her would be an insult. Same to Torodoki! Beating him at less than his full power isn't really beating him! Bakugou manages to prove to Todoroki that he doesn't need a handicap to win their match, and that Todoroki shouldn't look down on him. Even so, he doesn't step it up a notch. He doesn't kick it into full gear. Bakugou knows that he probably could have won if he had used his fire (at the very least, he had a chance), but he didn't.

He would rather lose than go all out against Bakugou.

He was so determined to win in the previous match, but all of that fire suddenly died out (literally ha)-

Bakugou was confused, hurt- angered. Why? Why was Todoroki so fired up against Midoriya *of all people (this has a specific impact given their history together, but, even without it, this has a major push), but refused to fully acknowledge Bakugou? He, no doubt, felt like it was an elaborate way to mock him.

But more than that, he didn't feel like he deserved first place. He didn't earn it. His opponent didn't go all out on him.

UA had NO RIGHT to force Bakugou to accept that medal, and I will take this to the grave.

What they did is basically like a sports team going up against their rival's injured star player. Their team's ace in the hole was limping the whole match. Of course, your team won! Except... it wasn't a fair match to begin with.

The people on Shinsou's calvalry team were allowed to just drop out, because they didn't feel like they deserved to move on after not being able to remember the event.

But Bakugou was CHAINED UP and FORCED to accept a medal he didn't think he earned?

Which led to him getting targeted by villains.

Villains who told him that they didn't think he'd make it as a hero.

Why? Because he didn't want to accept a medal he didn't think he earned.

Not just the kidnapping, the sheer scalet's of their operation- they gassed several students, injured several pros, and burned down an entire chunk of the forest- to get to Bakugou. (Yes, they would have done that with or without the goal of capture, but there's still the 'if they weren't after him... would they have go through the trouble?')

And then the rescue.

Bakugou probably didn't think the heroes were going to come get him. No one helped him during the Sludge Villain Incident, and that wasn't his fault. This one, however, he felt like was. He's massively conflicted by the fact that he should have just accepted the damn medal and the fact that he didn't truly earn it; he's pushed into a situation where neither options are good.

Then they did come to help him, no doubt, to his surprise.

The look on Bakugou's face after seeing All Might is priceless-

He wants to be happy that his mentor, his idol came to his rescue. They cared about him enough to save him.

But also

He was weak and needed saving.

Despite all of the people who pushed their broken dreams and shattered weaknesses onto him, he failed. Everyone was mad at him or disappointed in him when he was doing everything that he could to live up to the expectations they FORCED on to him. He was refused the ability to come to terms with his own weakness as a child- because of society pushing down on him- and now those same people are getting upset with him.

He was relieved to be rescued. When he saw Kirishima and the others, he didn't have to think about how it was impossible for him to take on so many villains. He was relieved to be safe.

And then he saw All Might fighting All For One.

He saw his idol bloodied up and barely standing- a shriveled form of himself.

And none of this would have happened if not for his weakness.

Yes, he has always seen weakness as something bad, but making him completely powerless isn't going to just make it all better. He KNOWS what weakness feels like. He KNOWS how much it fucking hurts. Rather than that, why dont we focus on getting this kid some kind of fucking therapy or closure?? Teach him that it's okay to be weak rather than trying to throw him into yet another fucked up situation.

Idk. Maybe I have too much of an attachment to this issue, but stripping Bakugou of his quirk is a terrible plot point and does nothing to further his character OR point out the societal flaws that made him that way.

[pangzi]

Otome Gay [Nielan] - Chapter 7

word count: 2785 other chapters:  INTRO - Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9 [AO3]

Mingjue woke up around noon for the first time in years. He was still exhausted, having laid awake most of the night. His head still felt like it was going to burst, his chest heavy with emotions he couldn’t quite place yet.

He went through his morning routine first, before checking if he had any messages. Even as he was busying himself, his mind kept going back to the evening before, to how everything was perfect and then it wasn’t, to Meng Yao’s words. He got himself comfortable on the couch, before even daring to unlock his phone. 

There were several messages, none from Xichen, though. His heart sank. Still, maybe Xichen just hadn’t gotten to replying yet, he shouldn’t worry about it. The other messages were from Huaisang and Zonghui. The latter just asking how the evening was and if he’d gotten laid, Mingjue decided to ignore it for now, not feeling like going over the entire evening with him at the moment. He clicked on Huaisang’s messages.

From: Huaisang  nO wrories, dage!! 😘 Call me tomororow, is improtant!

To: Huaisang Let me know when you’re awake

He knew he’d had to tell Huaisang everything then, but at least he knew the people it was about better than Zonghui, maybe he could help Mingjue figure this all out. He knew that Huaisang wouldn’t be up any time soon, though. He was probably up until morning and would sleep all day. 

He didn’t know what to do until then. He had taken the day off, so Zonghui probably wouldn’t even let him into the gym, even if it was just to work out. Going there also meant having to talk to Zonghui about everything that happened, that’s for another time. So he decided to go for a run, that always cleared his mind a bit, he jogged to the park where he did most of his daily workout, got baozi on his way back. Once back and showered, it was only two in the afternoon, still hours to go before he could talk to Huaisang. He hadn’t received a message from Xichen either yet, which only added to his nerves. 

He stress cleaned the apartment, which was done way too fast as Huaisang usually was the one to mess up the place. Still no message from Xichen or Huaisang. 

With a sigh he plopped down on the couch, going through every movie and drama both iQiyi and Tencent had to offer in the hope to find something to watch, but not even his favourite movie seemed interesting right now. Eventually he decided to give the otome game another try, at least there he could still talk to Xichen. He played for hours, carefully picking his actions, immersing himself in the story completely. He would get his happy ending with Xichen in this stupid game somehow, if he couldn’t get it in real life, then he’d get it in the game no matter what. As he was getting close to the end of the storyline, his phone buzzed, snapping him out of it. 

A message from Xichen. His heart started racing, he almost didn’t dare to look, especially when his phone buzzed again with another message from him.

From: Xichen Wangji is okay. Why did you do it?

Mingjue’s stomach twisted. Do what? He didn’t do anything, did he? 

To: Xichen I’m glad he’s okay, I was so worried Why did I do what? 

He saw the speech bubble pop up. Xichen typed for a long time, speech bubble popping up and disappearing again every now and then. It was clear he was trying to choose his words carefully, constantly deleting what he was typing. It seemed like an eternity before he finally sent his reply. 

From: Xichen You know what you did, Mingjue

To: Xichen I really don’t Xichen please tell me what I did so we can fix this

From: Xichen I can’t believe you… I thought you were different I should’ve known better

Mingjue’s heart dropped, tears already welling up in his eyes. This couldn’t be it. He couldn’t mean this. He didn’t even know what to reply, it was clear he did something wrong but he really had no idea what. He took a few breaths to calm himself down before replying. 

To: Xichen Xichen, please I really wish I knew what I did so I could explain it to you Please tell me

No reply. He looked at his screen for a long time after sending, but Xichen didn’t even start to type a reply. In frustration he threw his phone to the side, slamming his hand down, hitting his laptop. What happened next didn’t help with what he was feeling… He got the negative ending for Xichen’s storyline once again by accidentally clicking something. He slammed his laptop closed, pushing it aside and curling into himself. He couldn’t stop the tears anymore. He tried so hard every time but he just kept screwing up. He always screwed up the good things in his life. 

He didn’t know how long he sat there exactly, sobbing, hands clawing at his body angrily, chest heaving as he sucked in breaths between sobs. His mind was racing, that evil voice in his head taking over, telling him I told you so. What did he expect, he’d never been able to find anyone really interested in him, and then he’d think Xichen would be? Xichen who is so far out of his league, who is loved by everyone and could get whoever he wants. He can’t even get him interested in him in a stupid game after a million tries, why would real life be different. 

His phone was buzzing next to him, it had been for a while but he hadn’t dare to look at the caller ID. Eventually he did, and he saw the foolish picture Huaisang had once set as his own caller ID. Mingjue would’ve laughed at it had he not been feeling so miserable. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down a bit before he answered. 

“Dage, are you okay?” Huaisang insisted immediately, he knew it wasn’t normal for his brother to take so long to answer his phone. 

“No”, Mingjue replied honestly, he couldn’t keep anything from Huaisang anyway so why bother lying. “Why can’t I just be with Xichen”, he whined, trying to hold back his sobs the best he could. 

Huaisang sighed. “Because we made it impossible in the game, dage. I thought you’d figured it out by now.” Both of them were quiet for a while. Mingjue trying to process what he said. Any other time he would’ve been mad at Huaisang for making him waste his time like this, but now he was almost relieved. “You didn’t mean in the game, did you? Did something happen?”

“It’s over, I messed up” 

Huaisang’s breath hitched on the other side. “What happened? Everything seemed to be going so well yesterday” 

“I don’t know”, Mingjue admitted, “He’s mad at me, very mad, and disappointed and I don’t know why” He heard his brother sniffle softly on the other side. 

After a moment of silence, Huaisang gasped loudly. “It’s all my fault”

“What do you mean?”

“When I heard someone spiked Wangji’s drink and he got into a fight, I immediately came to look for him, but Xichen had already taken him home”, Huaisang explained, “I heard what Meng Yao told you and…” He hesitated for a moment. “When you walked away I was so angry, he seemed so proud of himself, telling everyone what a pathetic crybaby you were and that you didn’t deserve Xichen… I punched him, the way you taught me” Ouch… Mingjue had tried to teach Huaisang self defense when people started picking on him in high school, but he never really needed it, tongue sharp enough to fend off any bullies. Still, he knew Huaisang could pack a punch. “I probably broke his nose, Zixuan had to take him to the hospital, my hand still hurts from it” Mingjue couldn’t help but feel proud of his brother for standing up for him. He wasn’t a fan of starting a fight or punching people just like that, but to be honest Meng Yao had deserved it. It took him a while to realise what Huaisang was trying to say though. 

“You think he said I punched him”, Mingjue mumbled, of course he did. It was perfect… Meng Yao could play the victim and the more Mingjue claimed he did nothing or that it wasn’t him, the worse it’d be, because of course Xichen would believe his lifelong friend over some guy he just met.

Huaisang sniffled again. “I’m so sorry, dage. I shouldn’t have done that, I’ll fix it I promise, I’ll tell Xichen it was me” 

“He deserved it”, Mingjue said, “I’m proud of you for standing up for me, A-Sang, it’s not your fault.” Huaisang just started crying harder, which made Mingjue angrier than he already was at Meng Yao. “I’m not sure Xichen will believe you if you say it was you”

“Then what can we do, we have to fix this”, Huaisang hiccupped, “You and Xichen need to be together” 

Mingjue sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose trying to push aside all the negative thoughts and come up with something. “The only way is if Meng Yao exposes himself as the rat he is, which he won’t” 

“Please don’t give up, dage”, Huaisang whispered, “you can’t let him win, Xichen is worth fighting for I promise” 

“I know he is, Huaisang. I won’t give up” Mingjue promised, and then decided it was enough about that. “Come home somewhere this week? Bring your boyfriend, I’ll cook your favourite dinner” 

Huaisang promised to come home Wednesday evening and stay until Sunday evening as it was a long weekend. It made Mingjue feel a bit better, at least now he had something to look forward to. 

He didn’t hear from Xichen anymore. He had texted him a few times, asking if they could talk. Not that he knew what to say to him if he’d agree to meet, he couldn’t say anything. He wasn’t the person to apologize for something he didn’t do, it wouldn’t help anyway, as apologizing meant admitting guilt. Explaining what happened would also put him in a bad light, as it would just sound as excuses. The only thing he could hope for was that some way, somehow, Meng Yao would slip up. It sucked, though, knowing Xichen was mad at him and he couldn’t do anything about it. 

The week suddenly seemed so much longer, even with super busy work days, the few days counting up to Wednesday felt like an eternity. He spent most of his free time sulking, trying to think of a way to make Xichen believe him. But as far as he knew only Huaisang had heard what Meng Yao had told him, and Huaisang said nobody had seen him punch Meng Yao either, at least nobody that wasn’t completely wasted at that moment and could still remember it. 

At least tonight, for a few hours, maybe he could keep his mind off it. Hopefully Huaisang being home would help Mingjue to stop sulking. Actually, he had no doubt having his little brother around would help tremendously, the little Nie always had a way to make things better. 

From the moment he burst into the apartment with his boyfriend in tow, Mingjue felt better. The entire place was immediately filled with chaotic energy that could only be described as Nie Huaisang. Shoes carelessly thrown off in the hallway, jackets and bags threw on the couch, loud chatter filled the otherwise quiet home. Finally it fully felt like home again. 

Huaisang greeted his brother with a hug, complaining about being hungry immediately after. Jiang Cheng stood around awkwardly, greeting Mingjue politely before being forced to sit down by Huaisang. 

The mood as they ate was comfortable and warm. Jiang Cheng seemed like a good guy, defensive and forward, but it was clear he held deep affection for Huaisang and was amused by his annoying antics. It was also very obvious how whipped his little brother was for this boy, how comfortable he felt around him. The last time Huaisang took someone home, he wasn’t himself, held himself back so much that it hurt Mingjue’s heart to see that his brother not seemed to be allowed to fully be his wonderful self around the person he loved. Luckily this time, nothing seemed to hold Huaisang back and Mingjue couldn’t be happier for him. 

Before, this dinner would’ve been perfect, yet now he couldn’t help but think something was missing. Someone. He got a lump in his throat when he thought about how wonderful it would’ve been had Xichen only been here. He had never expected to be so affected by someone he’d known for only a few weeks. He was able to quickly get his thought back in order, though. Focusing on the ridiculous story Huaisang was telling, on how happy his brother was right now. 

Things suddenly got tense when Huaisang disappeared to the bathroom for a moment. Mingjue stared at Jiang Cheng intensely for a moment, the boy clearly intimidated by his gaze but he tried his best not to show it. Mingjue admired that. However, the boy was clearly expecting some kind of shovel talk at the moment, so why not give it to him.

“Treat him well, hm”, Mingjue said.

Jiang Cheng nodded enthusiastically. “I will, I promise Mingjue-ge” 

“Hm”, Mingjue pointed at him with his chopsticks. “If you hurt him, Huaisang will kill you” 

This seemed to confuse Jiang Cheng, he clearly didn’t know his boyfriend as well as he seemed to think, not that Mingjue could blame him, Huaisang’s dangerous side only came out when he felt wronged. Jiang Cheng not knowing about this side was a good thing. “Don’t you mean you’ll kill me?” He stuttered.

“No, I don’t”, Mingjue said, taking a sip from his drink. 

“Dage will help me get rid of the body”, Huaisang said casually as he walked back in, pressing a kiss to Jiang Cheng’s cheek as he sat down. The Jiang boy seemed distressed, but still grabbed Huaisang’s hand with an almost confident smile. “You saw what I did to Meng Yao”, Huaisang mumbled carefully, keeping an eye on his brother’s reaction as he referred to the evening of his birthday. 

The lump was back immediately, the words ringing in his ears again, his mind back to making him believe that they were true. He wanted to say something, but all words suddenly lost.

“Have you heard anything?” Huaisang asked. 

Mingjue shook his head. “I asked him to talk a few times, but I never got a reply” 

“I’m sorry, dage”, Huaisang sighed. “I’ll try to talk to him during my next art class, I promise.” 

After that they avoided the topic for the next few days, Huaisang trying his best to keep his brother’s mind occupied. On Thursday and Friday, Huaisang came to help out at the gym, taking on his pre-college job of secretary again as one of the employees had fallen ill, annoying both Zonghui and Mingjue in between calls and helping visitors with signing up and making appointments for personal training. Saturday they went to the art store together, Huaisang probably buying way more than he should, but his brother didn’t seem to mind. On Sunday morning Huaisang even woke up before his brother did, probably for the first time since he’d been a child, and went to fetch them breakfast. 

He had hoped to make it quick and be back before Mingjue returned from his morning run, but as soon as he saw how busy the restaurant was he’d chosen for take-out, he knew that wasn’t going to happen. It took forever until it was his turn, getting more and more annoyed with the people around him with every passing second. He’d almost forgotten that he wasn’t really a morning person… Thankfully the people in this restaurant, complaining every single second of their time waiting or just plainly trying to skip the line, kindly reminded him of it. 

When he finally received his order, an hour and a half had passed and Mingjue had already called him once asking him where he was. He hurried back, accidentally bumping into someone as he walked out. Annoyance spiking once again as he saw the bruised face in front of him, fist already itching to collide with it again. 

“Meng Yao”, he hissed, “I was hoping to bump into you again, we have a lot to talk about”

[ironwoman18]

We found love in a hopeless place part 14

Chapter 14: Good Against Evil.

Spencer was getting ready to go to the FBI. He was talking to Derek on the phone.

"So pretty boy has a girlfriend" said him teasing the young doctor "is the same woman you told me about?"

"Yes, she is the woman I met at the phycologist. She's amazing and we had been going on dates for the past two months" he said after drinking some coffee.

"Well I'm glad you found someone" Derek was playing with Hank "and I'm proud of you"

"Thank you Derek" he smiled at that "and you know, I followed your advice..."

"Which one? Because I gotta say... I gave you a lot" he said laughing.

"About keeping well... Umm..." Derek laughed softly understanding what he meant.

"Got it boy" he laughed "see that's the kind of advice you always need to follow. No one knows when IT will come and you need to be prepared" he smirked.

"Yeah she was surprised, because she couldn't expect that the good Spencer Reid would be prepare for that... Kind of things"

"Good pretty boy. Well I hope you call me for the wedding" he laughed "see you around. I have to check the work in the houses I'm restoring"

"Ok see you" they hung up and Spencer went to work.

He had something important to tell to Emily. So he was hoping to have some time before they have a case.

When he arrived to the bureau he left his messenger bag on his desk and walked back to Emily's office.

"hey Emily" he said from behind the door.

"Spence! Come in" she stood up hugging him "I missed you, please sit down" he did it "how were your classes?"

"Amazing. They understood everything and even asked for more classes. Next month I will go to teach for the new FBI agents"

"Well congratulations, I think these classes will help you a lot" he nodded with a smile "and did you want to talk with me about something else?"

"Actually, yes" he looked at her "I...I met someone" she nodded "and she knows about my job and I told her a few days ago about what happened to me with Cat" she looked at him.

"Everything?" He nodded "wow... That must be a very serious relationship if you did it" he laughed a little bitter but nodded.

"Yeah we told each other our demons. Her troubles and of course my story. Part of it..." He looked at his boss while his mind moved to that day.

"So... Let me get this straight... You catched this woman a few years ago and she wanted revenge so she made every person you met to think you killed a woman in Mexico" he nodded. They were sitting on her couch after breakfast.

She was wearing his shirt and he was just in his underwear "yeah she planned everything to make me look and feel like a bad person" he looked at her "even got pregnant and said it was mine" he clenched his fist tight.

She held his fist and rubs it with her thumb until it relaxed "Spencer. You didn't do anything wrong. She manipulated you and you did what you had to... To survive" he hugged her "and what happened wasn't your fault" she kissed his cheek then his lips softly

"Can I ask you something?... "

"...so you asked her if she could be your emergency contact in case something happens to you?" He nodded "why?"

"Because I know that my mom can't make those decisions and I never had someone to replace her until Max. She is strong and I trust her"

"Yeah I understand. Normally the person we love is the more capable of making the decisions others can't" he nodded "I will need her personal information to add it in your file" he nodded again when Penelope's walked in with a case.

They walked to the conference room and talked about Floyd Ferrell, the case they had to deal ten years ago.

Penelope had a bad experience back them so she left the room before they saw all the new evidence.

Spencer understood what was happening to her. He had troubles with cases about bipolar people or bullying, of course those were different but still they trigger bad memories.

He was glad JJ stayed thanks to her and Emily's conversation.

On his way to the airport he called Max.

"Hey handsome, what's up?" She asked.

"Hey well I wanted to let you know that we are going to a case"

"Oh... Please be careful, ok?" He smiled.

"Don't worry I will. It's an old case that was reopened. I hope we can solve it in a few days"

"Good. I will be waiting for you" she smirked and she knows he can imagine it.

He laughed softly "and I will be waiting to see you. Oh by the way, get ready your documents so they can add you to my file"

"But I thought the FBI had my information already" she said half joking and half serious.

"Max you know that's half a lie from the conspiracy theorist"

"Yeah yeah I know sweetie. I was joking, ok?" She laughed gently "but I was serious about been safe"

"I will don't worry"

"Good and catch that son of a b..."

"Max!" He said laughing gently.

"Oh come on you know it's true" he laughed "bye handsome"

"Bye gorgeous" she blushed gently and they hung up.

Then the case started. Floyd's cases was always like a horror movie, but real and the reality always wins against the fiction.

Matt even asked him if they ate that disgusting chilli he made with one of the victims. Thank God they did not or he would be sure to turn into a vegan.

The next day they checked in his house. He dared to men Derek and Spencer had to use his mental training to not punch him.

He still had some anger issues with annoying unsubs but he had to control it in order to get his full-time job again.

The theory of a second person with him was getting stronger while they investigate him. But not in the way the defense wanted to make them think.

Floyd was training someone and they had to find him. The man killed himself saying it was his fault, all the victims through out ten years.

But Dave got an order to examine his body and of course they will find the fingers of the victims.

On his way back to Washington he texted Max to meet him. He need her after so horrible case.

So she was waiting for him at his apartment and he kissed her immediately after he got closer to her.

"Someone had a bad cases huh?" She said breathless after that kiss.

"I needed something beautiful to erase everything from my memory" he said with his forehead against hers.

"You know I will always be here for you" she wrapped her arms around his neck "want to go up or go out for dinner?".

"Go out for dinner" she nodded and held his hand as they walked to his favorite restaurant.

They talked about somethings from her job, her family and even about some painting she started.

He smiles and felt released from what he just face. Good fighting the demons of his job, those demons he had to face alone a long time ago.

OOooOOooOO

I hope you liked this chapter. I got inspired by a photo of this episode.

[norringtondeservestheworld]

In the past days, there was a poll on Twitter for the best Game of Thrones couple. The options were Jaime & Cersei, Daenerys & Jon Snow, Arya & Gendry and obviously Jaime & Brienne. I used Twitter just once on 2012 I think (that’s why after all this, I deleted it)?? but I decided to log to vote. Not that my vote was needed, since Braime was winning with the 65%.  Anyway, I noticed that every Braime comment got a replied by a Twincest shipper who, in a very mature way, posted photos with fishes that mock the Braime Kiss.

Moreover, a different Twincest shipper and a Braime one started to debate, the first claiming that Jaime loved Cersei and it’s canon and the second claiming he returned to her because of the child. And I decided to share my opinion, as diplomatically as possible, because I didn’t want argue. I just wanted to saywhat I thought. So, in a very respectful way, I explained my point of view. Here what I said.

When the poll ended with the victory of Jaime and Brienne, I started to get a lot of replies from a lot of Twincest shippers (probably pissed for Braime winning), but instead of comment what I said, they simply attacked me and insulted me. And the more I was nice and respectul, the more they were offensive. That’s why I posted some of the things I wrote. Because I want to prove that I have always been respectful and the only thing I was doing was explaining my point of view. Unlike them. Here what they said.

And when I bring them evidence that even Jaime and Cersei’s actors prefer Jaime and Brienne to Jaime and Cersei, they can’t stop insulting me, as If they are able to speak only using insults.

“Cyberbullying is a form of bullying or harassment using electronic means. Cyberbullying includes sending, posting, or sharing negative, harmful, false, or mean content about someone else.” Yes, I know it’s not a serious form of Cyberbullying since there weren’t threats of death like sometimes happens on these situations, but all of this happened in a couple of hours. I got like 3-4 replies from different bullies for every comment I made (there were that much and I read some comments not before the ending of all this) And the fact that they passed so quickly to insult someone in just few hours without a logical reason made me realize what was happening. So yeah, still Cyberbullying for me. You know, when I was younger and I was still going to school, some of my classmates mocked me all the time because I was a tomboy. I didn’t wear make up, I didn’t take care of my hair and my appearance as other girls did (and one of them told me that nobody would have wanted me) and one of my best friends was mocked too, because he got weight because of a tonsil operation he had. I didn’t consider it bullying at the time because I was naive, and because I thought it was my fault. They never passed a line and they never did anything of pshysical towards us, but they still hurted our feelings, because we both were more fragile. Now I am different person. I am matured. I’m still a tomboy who doesn’t wear make up, but I don’t care about other people’s opinion (except of the people I truly respect) so this behavior doesn't hurt me anymore. So when I read these insults towards me, I didn’t feel hurted. I was just.. confused? I simply didn’t understand how expressing an opinion would lead to this. At first, I thought I was wrong to comment in the first place, that I shouldn’t have done that, but then I thought “wait.. I did nothing wrong. All I did was sharing my point of view and I have always been respectful towards them. I never said a single word against them, while the only thing they did was insulting me instead of read what I wrote.” So these insults didn’t touched me. I am not perfect, but I am happy of who I am. I can look myself at the mirror without feeling ashamed. But as I said, I haven’t always been like this. If this happened years ago, probably I would be hurted. But now I am a different person, and probably the mocking at high school helped me and made me stronger enough to understand it. So I stopped paying attention to what they wrote to me refusing myself to read all the comments I didn’t see the first time and blocking them because I understood what was really happening and who was wrong in that situation. But what would have happened if there had been a younger and more easily influenced person in my place? Someone who can't stop reading and being deeply hurted by every comment? Someone who could start believing they deserve all this hatred? There are people out there more fragile and sadder than me because of something bad that is happening in their life and other problems, and these kind of bullying towards them could be very dangerous. PEOPLE DIE BECAUSE OF IT. It feels strange to talk about something so personal like my past on internet, but I wanted to say all of this, because we need to stop to confuse a simple childishness with Cyberbullying/bullying. 

Everyone who is or was bullied/cyberbullied that now is reading this post, I want you to know that YOU MATTER. YOU ARE IMPORTANT. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. It doesn’t matter what they say to you, it doesn’t matter if you answer them asking to stop or simply cry for hours, if you did nothing wrong towards them or you just been kind and respectful, YOU will always be the BETTER PERSON at the end of the day, and THEY will be the ones that one day they’ll have to deal with their actions. I never did nothing towards my classmates, but I still got mocked. I’ve been respectful on the internet towards other people and their opinion, but I still been cyberbullied. That’s why I did this post, with both my comments and their comments. To show you that not matter how respecful and nice you are, because bullies don’t want to have a debate with you. The only thing they want is hurt you because you are a better person than them. People who act that way are rotten inside. Don’t let their rot reach you.

Everyone who is a bully who acted on this way on the internet or in real life, towards a stranger or someone they know, that now is reading this post, you are a disgusting person for having fun mocking someone else and hurting real people. You think to be big and strong to insult someone hiding in your home behind your PC? The only thing you’ll get with this behaivour is infecting your soul and making your victims stronger. Oh, get the fuck off my blog. I don’t want you here. Oh, and I want to be clear. This isn’t about Twincest shippers being bad and Braime shippers being good. This is about garbage people harassing other people because they are that petty to be unable to deal with a different opinion and because they are empty inside. This post talked about them because it’s what happened to me. If we switch things and it was the Braime shippers being bullies against Twincest shippers, it would be disgusting in the same way. I have no problems with Twincest shippers. I have problems with Twincest shippers acting this way and bullying others. It doesn’t matter the ship. It doesn’t matter the topic.  DON’T. FUCKING. BULLY. PEOPLE.

[migleefulmoments]

Oh my God. So now people in Hollywood are threatening Darren and Chris's families if they don't comply? Tinhats are saying they wouldn't be surprised if someone died in a freak accident to put Darren and Chris in line. How long before they bring up Chris's mom and start getting suspicious?

Anonymous said: Damn it’s real dramatic over in CCLand today. Abby’s “anons” are talking about how someone must have threatened to kill Darren or Chris’s family if Darren didn’t get married. And then we have Abby saying that no matter what happens she won’t abandon them. Yeah, she is definitely setting the stage for claiming someone threatened to kill Chris if Darren didn’t have a baby with Mia. She knows a baby is coming eventually and she can’t let go of her CCThrone.

It’s da Mafia, my friends! 

They are so full of themselves-and so dramatic- it’s terrifying. 

I keep saying that Abby is writing a Telenovela and damn does she love the drama. She’s also desperate to keep her storyline going and there just isn’t a logical reason WHY Darren would be in the closet and married to Mia at this point unless you go for “big threats”. Abby has suggested this vague“threat” theory before but nobody else picked it up so we never had such scary-hilarious promises of allegiance to Criss and Colfer. This is exactly the kind of pithy, over-the-top emotional digging into a cause that social media was made for- the kind in which you have no actual impact but you blog the hell out it like you matter.  

One of the biggest issues with the CrissColfer storyline is why should we be sympathetic to ccDarren and/or ccChris? They are both successful, famous, wealthy, powerful men. Abby’s never-ending criticisms of ccDarren are becoming a problem. While she always blames it on “his team”, most people don’t find it so obviously his team’s fault as evidenced by her Nonnies who then get a lecture on HOW it IS his team’s fault. Of course, nobody is controlled by their employees and ccDarren and ccChris aren’t victims or children. 

Abby delights when she can claim that ccDarren is treating Mia abhorrently because it fulfills her hatred of Mia but nobody else feels so delighted. For instance, she claimed he was trying to pull her in the water during a New Year’s Eve embrace. 

I’m guessing, and we are missing the moment inbetween d goes to dip her so she things she’s getting her kiss but in fact tries to throw her in the water.(X)

The sane among us are disgusted by a claim that he would try to drown his wife. The same goes for ccChris when he publically bullies and shames Mia on social media and his books. Abby’s love of hating Mia often overshadows her need to keep ccChris and ccDarren as victims. 

The basis of CrissColfer is that both men want to be famous and work in Hollywood for the big money and they can’t tell their truth without fear of losing everything. After ten years, both men are no longer the “inexperienced, naive, innocent young men who made bad choices when fame was flashed in their faces” and Abby needs a new spin in order to keep her followers emotionally invested. Throw in a storyline where both men are just trying to stay afloat after their families were threatened and WHOA man, you have two very compelling characters with sympathy through the roof.

Anonymous asked: Let's not forget that with the wedding being the lesser of two evils, one of the threats could have gone far beyond you or C would never be working in this industry again, like you said, the people in power will do anything to hide their sins and there really is no limit, who knows a threat on his (or C's or other family) live could have been made. It sure as hell wouldn't be the first time someone dies in a freak accident because they have dirt on someone (Chris already lost his mom in a freak accident. I can’t imagine he would ruin his entire life over the fear of losing someone else when he understands that life is precious and you can’t control what happens to family members. Or the other argument is why would he allow someone to control his life when the easy solution is to go off to NYC and become an author.  Leave Hollywood behind for the man he loves and living an authentic life. It doesn’t seem like that hard of a tradeoff to me)

ajw720 answered: Nonnie. I’m really starting to question. And m has her family and SS on her side. That’s a lot of power and ruthlessness. (I'm always fascinated by the power that Abby imagines Mia’s family has. If Chris and Darren are powerless then why is the head of Vera Wang’s company so powerful? Mia’s dad owned a small chain of small music venues. He’s likely loaded but not in the BIG powerful world of movers and shakers. As for Sunshine Sachs- they are very powerful and healthy but there is little incentive for them to risk it all by getting involved in little unknown Darren’s love life by closeting him).    

I’ve decided. No matter what they throw at us, while i may not be able to watch as closely, I’m not abandoning them unless there comes a point I think it’s willing. I don’t see that happening. What is happening is not about straight. (What “they throw at us”? This isn’t about you, Abby. Nothing about CC is about you. You’re just a lonely, unstable fan sitting in her living room all alone obsessing about Mia and fabricating outrageous stories about a family you don’t know and a man who doesn’t care about you. I’m curious, what would convince you that he’s willing? You already said you wouldn’t believe him if he told you he loved Mia.  You’re destinated to come out the loser because you refuse to see or accept reality.)    

It’s about hiding sins. If it were just straight as I have repeatedly said it would be done better and with someone that actually makes d look good. (So she’s twisting the story to be about hiding sins.  I’m not sure how forcing the farce to continue is a good strategy to ensure you don’ get caught. It seems like a cut and run strategy is better- preferably with big payoffs. Lots of us DO think Darren does look good. It’s only the people obsessed that he’s gay who don’t like him).

I just hope they have finally aligned with the right people to help them (How would this work? Either Ryan and Sunshine are terrified of their role coming out, all-powerful and threatening his family to keep it quiet OR there are people to align with who can help but not both because people who threaten others' lives for their own interests aren’t going to show up at the negotiation table willing to work out and deal).

flowersintheattic254. @ajw720 I’ll state publicly that I’m with you on that. I’m not going away unless I see it’s willing. Right now it doesn’t seem to be and frankly the more I learn about Holly/wood and how people are manipulated and abused the more I think it isn’t a choice or a very unwilling one. (Why would Darren and Chris stay there if it is that bad?  If Hollywood is one big cesspool then reasonable people would get the hell out of dodge, do something because living in that environment will turn you into that kind of person.  Also, I just have to add that the Catholic Church has an abysmal record on sex abuse of women and children so if anyplace is manipulative and abusive, it’s Abby’s church)

leka-1998 Totally agreed.

I feel like every day I get more repulsed by what the people in that awful industry are capable of.

notes-from-nowhere If it is possible, the more I know, the more I feel compelled to stand up against this habits and fight back. (How exactly will you do that? I’m fascinated and can’t wait to hear)

Nothing will change overnight. Not D’s life, not the ones of the others in his same situation but we can do something. And as much as we could, I’m sure, we will. (No shit sherlock, you’re 10 years  inand no end in sight)

I will accept defeat the day D will show me, without a doubt, that this is what he wants for his life and not matter if right or wrong, I will respect his choice. To date, I don’t think we are even close to that. Time will tell. (Again, what can Darren do to prove to you? He married the woman he’s dated for 8 years, he opened a business with her, he gushed about the wedding, and he travels with her everywhere. When he tells you how he feels about her you all instantly dismiss his words as being contracted or “Mia wrote them”.  You refuse to SEE what is so plain in front of you. I cannot imagine what he could do that would convince you.)  

In the meantime I will keep doing what I do now. (which is lie, twist facts, post Glee photos as CrissColfer, make stupid comparisons, and blow some up Abby’s ass).   

Anonymous asked: I agree about HW and who knows what kind of nefarious shit goes on. The problem I have is his parents not intervening in this . I get there is probably blackmail at this point but surely his parents can see this can’t go on. I’m afraid it’s affecting his family at this point and I would think his dad would take the reigns at some point and say enough. This is the only thing that tells me it’s short term and there is an escape date. I don’t see his parents accepting something permanent.

Do they have a choice though nonnie? That’s the question. How are they more powerful then the heavy weights he’s up against? What has been threatened? I have an idea of where I think this is going but I don’t know and I’m firm there’s 2 distinct paths, one is freedom. The other is too horrifying for words. And I think by the end of the year we will know. (She is sure they will be divorcing after the anniversary and Hollywood airs.) 

Because no doubt this has gravely hurt d and his spirit. And between c and his parents, i’d think they are doing everything to help him win. All parties on his side have to be petrified. Because even if there’s a positive plan in place, what’s to stop it from changing? Because I reiterate. D was going to come out tied to ACS and it went nightmarishly wrong. And he’s well being and safety are at stake for as long as she is tied to him. (She reiterates God Damnit! She KNOWS she was right!!!!!!! WTAF? No, he wasn’t going to come out. He’s told you he’s straight and there is no reason to suspect he’s lying. I love the comments about his safety as long as Mia is around or his image as long as his team is around-He’s fucking thriving. When is the shit going to hit the fan? He won the top four awards, has his own show on a new platform, has a big Broadway show coming, has a Ryan Murphy Netflix show that he helped co-create, Elsie is amazing, StarKid had a very successful year, his wedding is all over the “top celeb weddings” lists, he was busy AF this year and he just bought a $3 million house. It’s been a decade-when will this bad stuff start? ). 

Anonymous asked: I do fear D is in this for the long haul unfortunately. It has slowed down for her a bit post-nuptials but unless this show with RM is serving as an out, I don’t see how D will ever get out of this. We also need to remember she knows too much too at this point. It’s not that easy to get someone with the amount of info she has to just go away. If she’s intent on riding coattails, there may be little D can do to get rid of her. I hope I’m wrong. I want to see him win. But it doesn’t look good. (What does ccMia know that she can use against him? That would mean he’s done something wrong but according to cc lexicon, it’s all done against him, he’s the victim. If anything he would have dirt on her to use) 

I can’t believe how naive I was to think it was as simple as d&c saying no. I doubt that was ever an option and they learned that, after months of fighting post encagement, in the cruelest manner. Honestly I’m feeling almost more heartbroken today then on feb 16 because I’m finally seeing the horrifying reality of HW.Nonnie. Despite the fact that I don’t trust him, I’m praying that RM saw that it serves his agenda and reputation to help d as it would rehabilitate his character much more than to continue to hurt him, because at this point I think he’s the only person that has the power to get him out. Now we wait and see. (I don’t see how Ryan Murphy can serve as both Mafia boss and his savior but I understand that he’s the only one that could possibly play that role right now. There are no other gay Yoda’s in Darren’s life with enough cloud to be the “savior” so by process of elimination, Ryan is the one). .   ’t see how Ryan Murphy can serve as both Mafia boss and his savior but I understand that he’s the only one that could possibly play that role right now. There are no other gay Yoda’s in Darren’s life with enough cloud to be the “savior” so by process of elimination, Ryan is the one).    

I can’t believe how naive I was to think it was as simple as d&c saying no. I doubt that was ever an option and they learned that, after months of fighting post encagement, in the cruelest manner. Honestly I’m feeling almost more heartbroken today then on feb 16 because I’m finally seeing the horrifying reality of HW. (So basically, the original cc storyline isn’t holding up anymore after the end dates passed for coming out- Glee ended, the 8-year contract expired, Hedwig ended, ACS started, filmed and ended, Awards season came to a finish and now you’re hoping the anniversary is the lucky date.  But you need to explain why Darren and Chris have so much power and still are not together so you’re going for something bigger and more sinister.  The problem is that while Hollywood has a seedy underbelly, you can’t take one person’s story and extrapolates it to everyone. Judy Garland may have been drugged but they didn’t know the effect of drugs back then like we do know and the military gives the pilots “go” and “no go” pills to help them perform to this day under close medical supervision)  

[thedevillord-writes]

Zemblanity - Chapter Two

Zemblanity is the faculty of making unhappy, unlucky and expected discoveries by design 

- - -

~Present Day~

Whether she was invited to a party to perform or simply to attend as a guest, they were all the same. People liked to think socialites led an exciting and extravagant life, even films and dramas glorified that idea. How wrong they were. Or well, partly.

As she looked around the room, there was no doubt this was an extravagant life. The party was held in banquet hall of a five-stars hotel, decorated entirely in rose gold. There were pillars all around the hall serving no purpose other than aesthetics. The waiters, all of whom young and good looking, were dressed in the latest collection of white shirt and black suit of a brand that ordinary people would only splurge on for special occasions like their wedding. Or their funeral. The food served were all finger food, yet prepared by a world class Michelin's chef. Every single person attending the party wore clothes that were either customised or limited edition, but would only wear once for this particular party. Herself included.

She wore a strapless royal blue floor length mermaid dress with Swarovski crystals embellished, coupled with a pair of Alexander McQueen's heels with her initials hand sewn on. Misaki was as extravagant as anyone present in this hall, if not the most.

Patrolling the parametres of the hall, she watched the socialites. She never understood the art of people watching, she always thought it was just a nicer term for stalking or being creepy. Somewhere down the road, however, she found herself enjoying the activity. It was intriguing, more so than anything else, to watch people from far and notice the minute details that they thought no one would notice. She came to find at such parties, that none of these people were who they bragged themselves to be. That diamond necklace Mrs. Whoever showed off? Her husband did not win that at an auction. Not so much as bought it at a no name boutique for a small fraction of the price she thought it was.

"Your wine."

"Thanks."

Joined by Minato, Misaki finally stopped her patrol and took a sip of the red wine handed to her. Parties like this were never to the Kanemoto siblings' liking but they were always forced to attend by their father. It was one of the best way to sell the happiness they pretended to have. What better way to show how dedicated Junichiro was as a father, bringing his children along to spend more time with them. The reality was, they were nothing more than the rose gold pillars used for aesthetics.

"Misaki? Minato?"

"Mr. Nakahara."

"Are you here in place of your father?"

"Yes sir. He's not feeling well today so we offered to come in his place."

Lies.

If there was one thing a Kanemoto was good at, it would be lying. Junichiro lied about the life he led, the happy family he had, and the perfect children. Misaki learnt too, to lie through her teeth with a bright smile. Her father was not ill at home, he simply did not want to attend the party. However, to keep his reputations, he sent his children to entertain. They were upgraded from decorations to escorts. Even without her father here, these events were insufferable.

"You've always been a good daughter to your father, Misaki," Mr. Nakahara smiled, giving her a gentle pat on the shoulder. Minato tensed a little, seeing the contact but Misaki grabbed him by the wrist and gripped hard. "It was nice to see you two."

"Why did you stop me? He touched you."

"He's one of the good guys, Minato," Misaki said, putting her hand on her brother's cheek. "And even if he did touch me inappropriately, we cannot do anything about it. We're here in the name of father today. You know his rule."

"Keep low, stay low."

"Exactly. Except, this evening is about to become very interesting."

Following his sister's gaze, Minato frowned a little. Misaki was never one to follow celebrities. In fact, if you were to quiz her right now on the trending stars or even pop songs, she would not be able to get a single right. Which was why he was confused as to why she was suddenly taking an interest in Inoue Junko, the model.

Misaki was not the hero type, that much she was certain. As a child, she had always been passive. If someone was being bullied, she stood by the side and watched. It was just the way she was brought up. Getting involved in situations that did not benefit them was never the Kanemoto way. She did not want to be a hero either. She did not know the woman Junko humiliated at the previous event. She thought it was shameful that Junko would use her social status over the woman, accusing her of something that was so painfully obvious her own fault. She could have done a better job.

She was patient. She kept her eyes on Junko the entire night, waiting for the perfect opportunity. When Junko finally walked off by herself, Misaki saw her chance. She followed after the model into the bathroom. As luck would have it, they were the only two in there. She stood by the sinks, looking into the mirror while waiting for Junko to emerge to execute her plan. Coming out from the stall a few moments later, Junko stood next to Misaki by the sinks.

"Did it feel nice? You know, after bullying that secretary."

"What are you talking about?"

"It was only two nights ago, surely you haven't forgotten already?"

"She deserved it. Why? Are you going to avenge her?"

"Of course not. I don't even know who she is."

As she spoke, Misaki walked over to the door and locked it so no one else could come in. She let her hair down and messed it up, then she tore her dress down the side and broke off the heel of one shoe. Stepping on the train of Junko's dress, Misaki grabbed the other woman by her hair only to be pushed off by a very confused Junko.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Giving you a lesson on tasting your own medicine."

Unlocking the door, Misaki dropped to the floor and let out a blood curdling scream over and over, holding her left wrist as if she was hurt. Within seconds, tears were streaming down her cheeks and she looked so distraught that anyone who walked in now would instantly believe that she was the victim. Before Junko even had time to register what was going, the door to the bathroom burst open and security was rushing in.

Both women were hysterical. Misaki refused to let anyone near her, holding her wrist while crying in pain. Security was desperately trying to explain that they were there to help though nothing was calming her down. Junko, on the other hand, was frantically trying to explain the situation. That Misaki was acting and none of this was her fault. With Misaki's screams and cries, however, it was hard to hear anyone speak and they were both escorted out to a private room each where security had notified Minato. As soon as they walked through the door, Minato received his sister in his arms and held her tight.

"Would you like for us to call the police, Miss Kanemoto?"

"Yes," Minato replied.

"No, don't," Misaki said softly. "It was just a misunderstanding, I don't want to make a scene out of it."

"Are you sure, Misaki?"

This was unlike his sister, Minato thought. They had no relations with Junko; they did not know who she was, nor did they deal with her professionally. In all reality, this kind of conflict should never happen between the two. That was when Minato remembered what Misaki said just before she disappeared: this evening is about to become very interesting. Could his sister be faking like Junko said?

Even as he stared into her eyes and wiped away her tears, Minato could not tell if Misaki was pretending. He knew everything there was to know about his sister. Or at least that was what he thought. He could not quite put his finger on when, but there was a time when he felt that Misaki was slowly becoming someone unfamiliar. The subtle change in the way she spoke, the way she acted was so minute that he never noticed, not even now.

"I just want to go home, Minato," she whispered. "If the police get involved, we'd spend the whole night at the station and I really don't want that. Please...let's just go home."

Despite going against every fibre of his being, Minato nodded in agreement. As protective as he was, Misaki was right. Once the police were involved, they would be at the station all night and the last thing he wanted was for his sister to be further traumatised. Not to mention the media; nothing about a Kanemoto ever went unreported. If their father were to know about this incident, they would not be let off with just a simple lecture.

"Alright. You stay here, I'll say the goodbyes and I'll get the car around."

"Thank you. You're the best brother."

"I'm your only brother."

"That's why you're the best."

Leaving his suit jacket behind for her, Minato went back to the event hall. Misaki slipped her arms through the sleeves and brushed her hair out, waiting a few seconds before opening the door. The damsel in distress act was dropped since there was nobody around. She took her shoes off, holding them in her hand as she made her way down the hallway and to the elevator. She got on, pressed for the lobby and just as the door was about to close, a hand caught the door and someone slipped in with her.

One look was all it took.

One glance at the stranger who joined her and Misaki instantly knew who he was. She did not know he would be here, but then again, she never knew when and where he would be. Stepping aside to the back corner, she pretended not to know who he was though she could feel an intense gaze on her.

"How's your wrist?"

"Fine."

"You're a better actress than you are a pianist."

"Excuse me?"

"You were never a liar. Was it fun? Putting on that little show."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

This was so him. After all these years, he never changed. He was always playing games but by his own rules that were constantly changing and confusing. They used to be fun, refreshing even. Especially since his games were never meant for her. Or so Misaki thought. No one was ever exempted from his games, not even her. Everyone had to play the Sagara Yosuke game and she was in one of them right now. No longer, however, should Misaki play into his hands.

Slamming her palm on the stop button, Misaki looked Yosuke in the eyes without a single change in her expression. She was naive all those years ago, eating up every word he said. She used to believe that Sagara Yosuke was the angel sent to save her from her miserable life. All those years ago, she would look into his eyes and see a future together. All she saw now, however, were lies written all over. Lies that she should have seen from the beginning.

"Well that was a tad aggressive," Yosuke grinned. "Feisty. Different from what I'm used to."

"I'm not the girl you used to know anymore," Misaki stated.

"Is that why you staged that little performance?" he asked, stepping closer but she did not budge an inch. "Misa to the rescue?"

"Don't call me that."

"Then what should I call you?"

She imagined this scenario plenty of times. Not this specific scenario but one where she would see him again. She imagined she would be angry, lashing out at him for all that he had done to her. She imagined there would be tears and perhaps some hitting on her part. There was none of that, however. She was oddly calm, though a little irritated at his interrogation game.

Ever since he saw her again, Yosuke could not stop thinking about Misaki. How she still kept her hair long but put waves in them now. How she still looked like the high school student he met, yet matured in so many ways. The look in her eyes, however, was different. They no longer held that hope she had, that everything would get better. Her smile was no longer genuine either, just plastered on her face to please others. The dress, the shoes, and the jewelry, none of it screamed Misaki. She was no longer the Misaki he knew.

"You were there, were you not? The event two days ago, where that model bullied a secretary."

"You think I avenged that secretary? I don't even know who she is."

"Then why did you go through the effort?"

"To teach her a lesson."

"What lesson would that be?"

Turning her back on Yosuke, Misaki pressed the button to get the elevator going again. "That she shouldn't pull social status over others. Not when there are people with more power." As if on cue, the elevator finally arrived at the lobby and the door opened. Without another look at Yosuke, Misaki stepped out and headed for the entrance where she waited for Minato.

The cool air hit her harder than she anticipated and as she took in a deep breath, she found herself leaning against the glass. She was overcame by emotions for unknown reasons and before she knew it, she was crying. Tears kept streaming down her cheeks no matter how hard she tried to keep them in and wiping them away. Her breathing was getting heavier and heavier by the second, the feeling of being overwhelmed unstoppable.

Was this Yosuke?

She thought she could handle seeing him again. Her own mind tricked her into thinking she was fine after all these years but the truth was, she was not. There was no anger involved but there was plenty of misery. As his face flashed in her mind, she was reminded of how happy they used to be back in high school and how that happiness never belonged to her in the first place. When it all crashed and burnt, she was the one left in the rubble trying to pick up the pieces. She was the one left with all the scars when he went on with life as if she was never a part of it to begin with.

Having said all his goodbyes, Minato rushed out of the event hall. Without Misaki, he felt out of place facing all those people. He was born into this world but he never felt like it was his place. Years of training perfected his smile and every word he said, however, making it seem like he was one of them. He rushed not so he could be with his sister, he rushed so he could get out of there and away from them.

However, as he arrived at the lobby, he spotted Misaki wearing his suit jacket just outside the building through the glass. Something was wrong.

Misaki was doubled over, clutching onto Minato's suit jacket like it was a life jacket. Every noise around her suddenly became amplified and despite being outside, it felt as if the world was closing in on her. Running out to his sister, Minato made the mistake of touching her. Misaki swatted his hand away while stepping away from him though she stepped on her torn dress and fell backwards instead.

He had seen this many times before. The first time Misaki came home from an event with their father without Minato, she did not make it into her bedroom before breaking down. Almost every time before her final exams, she would have at least two attacks. A few shoes thrown at him and being screamed at right in the face, he had to learn how to help her through a panic attack. And this right now, was a panic attack. Whatever triggered it did not matter, guiding her out of it did.

"Misaki, look at me. Look, who am I?" Holding his sister's face with his hands, Minato made sure that she could not see anything else except for him. Focusing on one thing helped her to eliminate any other possible triggers.

"Mi-Minato..."

"You're going to be okay. I'm right here," he said softly. "I'm going to take my hands away but I want you to keep your eyes on me, okay?"

"Okay."

As he pulled his hands away, Minato kept his eyes on Misaki, as she did him. He moved slowly, careful not to startle her and reached into the pocket of his jacket to pull out a pair of earphones. Every time Misaki's eyes flickered elsewhere, Minato would make a soft clicking noise with his tongue, getting her attention back. He plugged the earphones into his phone and put on the playlist he made for her. Instant relief washed over Misaki the second the playlist started.

"Let's go home."

[mastrrt]

The Tigress Dilemma *fanfiction*

Usually, fanfic writers (such as I) have a hard time depicting complex characters such as Tigress, ergo this lack of this understanding about our characters can lead us to defile their original personalities and characteristics. I'm pretty sure most, if not, all of us are victims to the Tigress Dilemma, and this problem can only be resolved once Dreamworks has finished Tigress's arc. The Tigress Dilemma is basically what I mentioned above. We misinterpret Tigress and that could lead us to writing imposters instead. Now I have seen many fanfics, and all of them vary in the extent of how terrible their Tigress imposter is. I would say that for my fanfics, my Tigress imposter is pretty far off from the original character, but I feel I am getting there... it's a very slow progress, but every increment of time is making me better as a writer. Anywho, I'll be addressing some Tigress Imposter stereotypes. These stereotypes are the ones we want to avoid as much as possible. And if we do so, we can get closer to the original Tigress. Now, disclaimer, I am not here to tarnish the pride of any of you fanfic writers. I'm just here to point out my opinions and hopefully my opinions can do more good than harm. Also, to bring this blog a more positive vibe, I will be writing some Tigress stereotypes that we should all follow. But that'll be on the next post. 1. The 'Punk Girl School Bully' Type of Tigress. (LoA Tigress) Sleeves are for wimps... fat muscles... I got huge front teeth... i'll put your head on the toilet... pig anatomy on the facial region... you punk!... ILLL BEAT YOUUU UP!... girl that looks like a man... Those lines are all inside the ambit of any typical Buff School Girl Bully. And yeah, these types of people aren't the most likeable. Mainly because of their terrible ego and pride, their unmanaged temper, their constant screaming, and the fact that they bully. And these types of characters usually act upon their anger, and these types of characters are usually defeated by their own caprices. Now a lot of times, people usually confuse 'Punk Girl School Bully' as Tigress's characteristics.

For example, a lot of fanfictions tend to write this: Tigress was clouded with anger. How dare this cocky prick make fun of her name like that? She charged at him, trying to land a double fist strike on her belly, but it has seemed that her muscles were so angry that she suddenly turned into an amateur fighter and totally missed the cocky mite's stomache. Now she was even angrier. She gave a frustrated yell and pounced at the prick, driving her feet into a powerful tornado kick, but the man has sidestepped and she was too angry to use that momentum to execute another kick upon landing. Oh she was so so SO angry that everything turned red. Even though the man was merely a stranger, his smart remarks was enough to somehow make Tigress want to tamper him, as if her anger was derived from personal matter. Oh yes, Tigress was so weak that her peace has succumbed so easily to something as superficial as an empty insult. It isn't like she's a warrior who learned integrity, who lived by virtues and proverbs, and learned to swallow her pride the hard way. Nope. She was just the average hot head. "You! You idiot!" She yelled, driving her fist into arbitrary turns and twist with the speed of a toddler's fist in a fit of frenzy. And yet, after delivering such 'efficient' attacks, the man had avoided her punches the Muhammad Ali way. What's next? The rope-a-dope? Is that how weak Tigress became because of her anger? Oh, and since she's sooo angry, she also became majorly stupid! Since she's losing, she might as well become more desperate to win and because of this, she kinda lost 9/10 of her damn brain. It isn't like she had experienced worst before. It isn't like she's been in a tower surrounded by hundreds of adversaries, outmatched, outgunned, out everything, and still managed to escape through a genius idea to catapult her and her Enterprise out the flaming tower THROUGH the toppling flaming tower.

Look, Tigress can be hot head, but she doesn't allow it to manifest in a way that hampers her during battle. She's a warrior who for sure learned patience. Yes, she might have let herself succumb to her anger during the first movie (by trying to fight Tai Lung despite her master's efforts to stop her) but do understand that it was because of that cursed snow leopard that her father was just outright terrible to her, and 20 years of desperation and overwhelming commitment to kung fu led her to think that defeating Tai Lung is the key to Shifu's heart. Watch the Second movie through and through, with the eyes of a scrutenizing critic. If she is angry, it is usually to appear intimidating or lethal. It's a great strategy, escpecially now that her opponents would surely hold back once they hear the low baritone of her growl. But never, never, never, never, I assure you, did she appear angry and let that rage make her a haphazard, stupid, mess.

Also, fanfic writers tend to also write this: Tigress crossed her arms and growled. Po was so annoying! He wouldn't stop babbling about his new dumpling recipe. If he says 'broccoli broth' one more time, she is sure her dormant side would burst. "SHUT UP PO! YOU ARE AN IDIOT! YOU ARE SO CHILDISH! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE THE DRAGON WARRIOR!" And then, Po cried and ran away from the kitchen. The rest of the five gave her a look that could compare to the menacing glare of a thousand men, and they all left her to find the weeping Po. She sneered, she didn't need them anyways. She didn't have a family. And they were no friends of hers.

Tigress is not like this! She values her friends, and she talks to them like friends. Do no potray her the LoA way, because she's not always grumpy... and she is, by chance, grumpy, it's mostly for a reason. When the other five are irritated or even disgusted of Po, you can see that only Tigress smiles. And when she is in an argument, she usually deliver herself in a calm and threatening. Yeah, calm and threatening can be together. Tigress works as a paradox. I think the problem here is that people mistake seriousness and grumpiness as neigh synonyms. DON'T mistake those two different words with the same definition. Tigress is serious, but rarely grumpy in the way LoA/ fancfictions potrays her (just compare KFP 2 Tigress to LoA Tigress (there's a big difference I tell you that (mostly because she doesn't haphazardly turn into a big bish (is this even grammatically correct?))))

2. The Morally Deficient Tigress. I hate you!... you've always been terrible to me Shifu. So I hate you too!... you guys are not my family!... i have no family!... brat times twenty... your spoon is stupid... everyone is stupid... I don't wanna do this anymore... i'll turn evil in six seconds if you don't assuage my ego... cold hearted... insults everywhere... long sullen silences followed by mean comments followed by even more long sullen silences... angst angst angst for no reason... teenage i-have-20-pounds-of-eyeliner-under-my-eyes prototype. this type of imposter Tigress is probably one of the worst forms of Tigress out there. You cannot just ignore that she has been raised by two kung fu masters, one has morals that are so polished and perfect, and the other one with flaws but regardless still wiser than most. She's also follows a regimented schedule of supreme discipline throughout the course of her twenty-eight years, so surely she has been taught hardwork, patience, determination and other virtues that any average olympian athletes would typically have. Despite being called cold-hearted, stoic, perhaps even mean, do remember that she is also a HERO. With a hero's heart and the strength of a hero's mind. You can not simply ignore that she's a good person who had saved, quite possibly, thousands of lives, expecting nothing in return except the heart of her father and a place to reside. Do not mistake badassery with idiocy. Do not make her morally deficient like she's a little child with the mindset of a brat on a bad day.

Here's some examples of this nightmare: "Why do you keep these stuff? You're so childish, you don't deserve to be the Dragon Warrior!" Tigress looked around his loft, threatened by the action figures and the posters of the masters that adorned it.

Po frowned, "But... but... items like these have very big value to me Tigress. Especially my action figures, I cherish them because it's a large fragment of my childhood memories!"

Tigress did not understand. Of course she did not, not only is she whimsy, grumpy, angry and stupid, she also lacks understanding and lessons that can usually be self-taught at the age of twenty. She acts like a little child and that's all her morality is limited to. "No! They're wooden things with no value whatsoever. Stop being a fanboy. Stop being yourself! I can't support you! You idiot."

And she left the room with grandeur ---Sharpei Style with the hint of swagger. Five days later... "It's all your fault why we're here Po! All your fault. It isn't like you made a wonderful plan and I kinda destroyed it after this cocky douche made me angry and I decided to fight him and ditch your plan. And since my dignity got the best of me, it isn't like I'm blaming you 100% on our unfortunate demise when I know 200% that i'm to blame." Po tried to speak, but Tigress continued, "Ya'll should have listened to me! Me me me me! Me me me me!" The end!

Okay okay, it's a little too exaggerated, but you get the point right? Tigress doesn't act like this. She is kind and nice, she's truly supportive even with her doubts, and she loves and values her friends, albeit these traits are not exposed because it's overshadowed by her stoic demeanor. Whatever... sometimes light filters through her facade and you can see her vulnerabilities.

3. The Profesional Becomes the Biggest Amateur. Gets defeated by a few alligators who could barely fight... can't get unstuck from a rope THAT ISNT EVEN KNOTTED NOR THICK ENOUGH TO CARRY TWO POUNDS... can't get out a sticky situation even though she has been through worse... pathetic tiger... no longer has super strength that she has been gifted with. Now I'm just a thread's breadth away before typing a full fledge rant. Yes! I get it. She has been defeated by people who Po can defeat. She has been defeated by Tai lung and Po was able to defeat Tai Lung. But that was because Po was in a special situation, and it was truly only Po who could defeat Tai Lung (I'll adress this in a new post.) Have ya'll ever of this rule, in both film making and book writing, that authors must refrain from degrading everyone's intelligence so that a single character can appear in the caliber of a genius? Basically, what I'm saying is that you cannot make the five (escape Tigress) leagues weaker than their original selves just for the sake of making Po or your main OCs appear stronger. One, that's a terrible illusion that even a blind man can see through. And two, that's just disrespectful for a The Five. Not only are the five overshadowed, but ya'll also heavily disregarded the fact that they are warriors that did a lot. You're forgetting that Tigress can do this

Do not forget that she is the person who can do so much more. If you want a story where Tigress becomes a damsel in distress, and Po is the one to save her, DO NOT get her kidnapped by five wolves. Or ten. Or even twenty. Because this tiger can handle of them easy. Make sure she is defeated by a whole fudging army, or a bunch of hooded warriors who are thousands of years old and are as good as Shifu in kung fu. Make sure her defeat is reasonable and respects what she can do. KNOW what she can do, so that you learn her limits. Give her a challenge, give her a run for her money. Don't make her pathetic just because you want someone else to seem not pathetic. Us fan fic writers say that Tigress is hardcore. Awesome. Badarse. So maybe we should write her that way. Some fan fics I read write that Tigress got defeated because she was hungry or tired and couldn't fight against a few adversaries. I roll me eyes. Bro! You cannot make hunger the reason why she's defeated😂 have you seen what she ate during the first KFP movie? Her meals consists of tea and a small, chewy block of tofu. Please. She had trained her body and mind to resist pain in a way that wouldn't affect her during battle. And don't go destroying her stamina either. If she can go the whole night just battling a bunch of wolves, without even so much as passing out then pulease, don't make tiredness as an excuse. But there are some exceptions though. Like maybe she got tired because she drained her chi. Then that's understandable. So much work.

[mrsspidermanmaryjanewatsonparker]

Part 4

One more for the road

“MURDERING SMALL ANIMALS Granted, it is a rat. But still, beating a small animal to death with a boot is probably not the healthiest way to relieve stress. Or is it? Since that one really shouldn't count, let's go with..”

  So...this list couldn’t even make it to it’s full number without cheating. Shocker. “REMINISCING ABOUT THE "GOOD OLE DAYS” From time to time, usually when fraught with worry, Mary Jane might pull out an old yearbook and start reminiscing about the good old days when her husband was in love with her best friend. I don't care what you say, that's just complicated and weird.”

 Gwen wasn’t Mary Jane’s best friend but I will let this slie since most people think that.

 Ben doesn’t care what we say. Nor does he care for abject reality apparently.

 Reminiscing about the past when life was less complicated and people you cared about were still alive isn’t weird it’s human.

 Arguing that she’s remembering a time when her BFF was dating her husband is weird is just...immature.

 Gwen is dead and MJ knows Peter loves her more.

 So she can remember positive times with her friend who died without getting insecure about it, much as Peter can remember those times and not feel it compromises his love for Mary Jane in the present day.

   But Ben’s demonstrated an awful lot of insecurity thus far anyway.

 Oh and MJ did this like...maybe 5 times across 20 years. Maybe.

      “INFIDELITY There was a time period where Mary Jane entertained the idea of having an affair with a character named Jerome James, accompanied by the clichéd reluctant kiss.”

  No there wasn’t.

 She was attracted to him and he was on her mind because she was lonely and vulnerable.

 She did even LESS ‘contemplating’ than Homer Simpson did about Mindy in ‘the Last Temptation of Homer Simpon’ episode. She didn’t even take things as far as Marge Simpson did in that episode from season 1 where she began spending time with that creepy dude from the bowling alley.

  He took advantage of her, the harassed her and she ONLY met him face to face to tell him to leave her alone.

 That isn’t infidelity.

 Not even a little bit.

 Which means this next sentence.

  “While this may be a realistic story to tell of a wife that often feels abandoned by her husband, there’s probably no quicker way to turn an audience against a character than infidelity.”

 Makes no sense, demonstrates a misunderstanding of what words mean what and yeah is also pretty sexist again. Shocker.

 “Even the contemplation of infidelity. (The one and only time I ever wrote and mailed a letter to Marvel as a kid, was to express my complete disgust of this subplot.)”

 Then Ben is a goddam immature loser who doesn’t understand how grown-ups act. The entire storyline actually exists specifically to demonstrate that MJ WOULDN’T cheat on Peter and is ultimately loyal to him.

 Plus...I’ll be honest...I always kind of felt the Jason Jerome storyline was a bit out of character for Mary Jane anyway so it shouldn’t really count in the first place.

  “Even her eventual "heroic" denial of his advances did little to undo the damage done.”

 In Ben’s eyes but most people don’t even remember this moment because it’s outweighed by all the OTHER heroic and selfless things MJ has ever done.

  A moment of weakness in a storyline of questionable characterization?

  Yeah...how dare Mary Jane not be flawless.

  I notice Ben has never mentioned Peter thinking about Gwen or Felicia during his marriage to MJ or times when he has, quite naturally, taken notice of other attractive women.

 It’s almost like there is a bullshit double standard in play here wherein Ben is incapable of seeing past his biases and prejudices for a solitary moment.

  “DRESSING HER HUSBAND IN THIS OUTFIT

  Okay, that’s just a joke, but on the subject on outfits…”

 Again, Ben has to pad out the list with bullshit because his whole stance is bullshit.

  “DEMANDING PETER GET RID OF THE BLACK COSTUME

Mary Jane’s feelings were hurt by Venom, so she decided that Peter could no longer wear what was arguably the best alternate costume ever created.”

  Fuck Ben.

  Nobody could look at the end of ASM #299 or the FIRST PAGE of ASm #300 and say it was a case of MJ’s feelings merely being hurt.

 He didn’t call he ugly like a schoolyard bully.

 Venom TRAUMATIZED her.

 He terrified her and reduced her to tears of complete fear for her life.

 And he frightened Peter himself even.

 Her feelings were not hurt she was one step away from PTSD.

 Her husband was now dressing in a costume that made him look just like her victimizer and maybe mental abuser and she asked him to get rid of it. She didn’t even say that she just told him it made her uncomfortable and being the good husband he was he got rid of the thing that made his WIFE feel bad and reminded her of being a victim (which is kind a big deal for someone who grew up in an abusive household you fuck!)

 But yes MJ is such a total b**** for asking her husband to dump a costume that looked kewl.

 Dump the costume that literally made him look like a homicidal maniac a fact that Peter himself brings up, meaning abandoning the outfit was a practical move regardless.

  “I liked the black costume, and she was just being unreasonable.”

 I’d hate to be Ben’s partner. I really would.

 Also I’ll say it...the red and blue costume is better.

 It’s not more slick or bad ass...but it’s SPIDER-MAN.

    “Okay fine, maybe she was being perfectly reasonable, and with the creation of Venom there was a good editorial reason for Spider-Man to stop wearing the costume. But still, I liked it.”

  So instead of this being a top 10 most unhealthy things MJ did in the marriage it’s a top 10 Ben Smith’s immature pet peeves due to being incapable of reading and understanding literature list.

   “ABANDONING HER HUSBAND Almost from the moment the decision was made to marry Peter Parker and Mary Jane, editors were looking for ways to erase it.”

  No they weren’t.

  It wasn’t until like 1995 that was a thing, a full 8 years after the fact.

 8 years after the fact isn’t ‘almost from the moment’ of anything....at all.

 Learn to know what words mean Ben!

   “Nobody wanted Peter to be a divorcee or widower, so that left only convoluted methods to end this vile abomination of a status quo.”

 I’d take vile convoluted methods to end this vile abomination of a ‘list’.

    The Clone Saga famously began as a way for Peter and Mary Jane to ride off into the sunset and return a younger-seeming, unattached Spider-Man to the forefront.”

 No it didn’t.

 It began as a way of competing with Knightfall and Death of Superman with DeFalco and Fingeroth’s behind the scenes intentions being that Peter and MJ would return with a baby whilst Ben Reilly got a spin off like War Machine or Thunderstrike.

 Plans changed when DeFalco stopped being EIC.

  “That didn’t work out, so next came John Byrne. His first attempt was to have Mary Jane appear to be killed in a plane crash, but despite how unlikable she sometimes became, nobody wanted to her to die. So instead, it turns out she was really kidnapped by an obsessed stalker, and Spider-Man had to find her and save her. (I’ve never actually read this story, so if I got the details wrong, whatever, you win.) The trauma of her imprisonment, and Peter’s continued adventuring, forces her to decide that they’re better off apart. (I’m guessing those were the reasons, because I’m not reading that comic in full.)”

  I’m not reading the story that I’m commenting on or criticising because I’m super duper good at my job of throwing out criticism ya know!

  Also Byrne left long before the MJ break up thing and it wasn’t even clear cut that that was the case because it was so poorly written. It may well have just been a trial separation.

     “Thus began the separation status quo, with Mary Jane out of the picture off in California, and Peter on his own but not really single in NYC. It was not a good look for either character.”

  Yes it was.

  This was the JMS run which SAVED Spider-Man after Mackie had brought the series to the brink of destruction.

  JMS intentionally separated them specifically to reconstruct Peter after Mackie’s character assassination.

  He stripped Peter down to his nuts and bolts as a character in order to win back readers (it worked) and then he used the separation to make a point about what the marriage meant to Peter and MJ and why it was important via it’s absence.

  It was an arc specifically ABOUT fixing the marriage and FIXING the seires by bringing them back together and making them stronger than before.

  And it also worked.

  But maybe Ben missed that because he was wanking to his pre-marriage MJ issues or something.

  “You either have to end the relationship, or embrace it (for all of JMS’ faults as a Spider-Man writer, and human being, at least he decided to depict the marriage as positively as possible) but keeping the marriage in limbo served no one.”

 Except everyone and the series as a whole and wound up being incredibly positive because by exploring how they felt about being apart JMS made a point about why they SHOULD be together.

 Also...faults as a human being?

   “(For the record, I think the McFarlane and Larsen runs had some of the best depictions of Mary Jane as a loving and supportive wife. They also had Jonathan Caesar, but that's a whole other topic.)”

  So now Ben is PRAISING the very runs he is also blaming for all this bad shit?

 Also Jonathan Caesar was a GOOD aspect of the seires. A realistic human villain for Mj specifically who could hurt her and Peter believably. Creepier than guys in Rhino suits any day.

But here is the real part that pisses me off.

  This list is about MJ’s unhealthy behaviours during the marriage and this point is about her ‘abandoning’ Peter.

  Fuck Ben.

  MJ didn’t ‘abandon Peter in the points he raised. She has post traumatic stress disorder from being kidnapped and imprisoned for SIX MONTHS in one little room and chose to leave him after that temporarily.

 That is NOT abandonment and the fact that it’s not even considering her feelings ont he matter is disgusting frankly.

  “Infidelity, abandonment, cigarettes, and dancing. Not a good look for what was once one of the best supporting characters in the Spider-Man comics.” 

She didn’t abandon him. She didn’t commit infidelity, there was nothing wrong with the cigarettes, absolutely nothing wrong with the dancing and she continued being the best supporting character in all Spider-Man comics.

  But hey....incompetence, sexism, toxic bias, misinformation and outright lying. Not a good look for what once one of the best...oh wait. Ben Smith and Comics Cube have never been the best at anything...except bullshit.

  “That's not even mentioning the other terrible subplots we were subjected to that were not her fault. It may not have been her fault in-story that she was sexually harassed by Jonathan Caesar in a story that refused to ever end, but it's not like we would have ever had to read it if she didn't become Spider-Man's wife.”

  The Jonathan Caeser plot was good and DID end so he’s again lying there. But why trust the word of a man who literally doesn’t understand the definition of what certain words mean.

  Also you could’ve told some take upon the Jonathan Caesar storyline even if Peter and MJ were not married or in a relationship.

  “To be clear, I'm not blaming the victim in any way, I'm blaming the creative teams for believing that would be even remotely interesting to read.”

 I really don’t believe that Ben isn’t blaming the victim based upon what I’ve just subjected myself to.

 “I do not like reading or watching anything like that, ever.”

  Your preferences aren’t the grand arbiter of quality or consensus within Spider-Man fandom Ben.

 “I actively choose to avoid fiction like that.”

  Then do not read Spider-Man because most of this stuff is bread and butter to Spider-Man stories.

  “Beyond that, there were the little dramas that came with being, and I hate even typing this, a soap opera star. Nothing says fun-filled superhero action like Mary Jane being chastised by overzealous elderly fans.”

 Spider-Man isn’t entirely ABOUT ‘fun filled superhero action’ jackass. It’s ALSO about normal life down to earth human drama and has always been since day one because Spider-Man IS a soap opera.

 Fucking idiot.

  “Hey kids, this issue Mary Jane and Aunt May get in a spat over Peter's best interests! Excelsior!”

   Oh you mean like that time GWEN and Aunt May did that in a run long predating the marriage? Excelsior jackass.

  “I know some of you will read this and come to the conclusion that I hate Mary Jane as a character, but I can assure you that is not the case.”

 I sense a disturbance in the Force. As if a million voices cried out in unison chanting ‘LIAR’

 “Like I wrote earlier, when I was a kid she helped form the template for what I wanted in a wife one day.”

 That’s weird and gross and sad fucked up.

  “Now, that was mostly based on her being smoking hot and usually very loyal and supportive (and also they had sex a lot, like A LOT)”

  Yep. A sexist dudebro. I knew it. He’s Marvel material though.

  “but those things don’t hold as much weight on an ongoing basis as an adult reader.”

  Then maybe you outgrew the series. Or maybe the series outgrew you since MJ was supportive more often than not.

  “The fact remains, that beyond her usefulness as eye candy and that occasional support system, her status as the wife of Spider-Man was so badly mishandled that there’s no objective way to conclude that the marriage was a success narratively.”

Yeah there is. Most people conclude that.

  Because most people are capable of narratively analysing stories better than Big Ben over here.

 “Almost everyone that argues otherwise, argues for the marriage as an idea, or because it represents something to them, and not based on actual storytelling execution.”

 No they don’t.

 I’ve spent years interacting with such people and all of them can pull out multiple objective examples of where it was handled well and when you look at the grand scheme of things it was actually handled okay. Probelms arose but they were accompanied by problems in pretty much ALL areas of Spider-Man.

   “ Sure there are always exceptions (the Sensational Spider-Man annual written by Matt Fraction being one of the best) but the examples above are far more damaging than any of the good.”

 No they are not because the examples above are mostly nonsense and lies sprinkled with sexism.

 “ At her best, she was a loving partner and friend to our main character. At her worst, she made Peter (and us) feel bad about him continuing to save lives as Spider-Man.” 

  One most lie for the road I guess.