#why is everything so embarrassing. I’ll explode into a million pieces

[e77y]

Umm perhaps taking a brief hiatus from the internet altogether. Unless I feel better in the morning (I probably will) lmao

[restapesta]

Piercings. 5+1 ficlet, but with piercings. I have a problem.

1.

Ian thought he knew pretty much everything about his husband. He knew him, inside and fucking out.

How could he not? Ian's pretty much been with him for a better part of his life, and they've had enough late-night talks to share all their demons with each other, however hard it may have been. They knew each other.

There was no doubt about it.

But, well. Ian should have known Mickey kept secrets.

He also should've known that one of those secrets was bound to put him in the grave one day with the inscription on his tombstone saying that he died from horniness.

Because one of these days, he would. There was no doubt about it.

It wasn't the most conventional way to go, but Ian didn't mind it.

Because, holy fuck, Mickey just admitted he used to have his ears pierced.

"Sorry," Ian balked at his husband who was standing in the bathroom, eyeing himself in the mirror, a pair of black studs in his right hand. "Did you just say you had your ears pierced?"

"I probably still do." Mickey grabs an earring and places it against the healed-up hole that is so faint, Ian needed to come impossibly closer to see it. Mickey had pointed it out to him after he initially said he was getting his ears pierced again. Right after Ian was left with his mouth wide open, staring widely at him, not trusting he heard him right. "And if not, I'm just gonna reopen them."

How did Ian never notice it? How did he never see Mickey, the love of his life, with earrings in his ears? With little patched-up spots of skin that were so plainly visible to the eye, now that he really looked at it.

Mickey grimaced as he pressed the needle against the hole, pushing and prodding against the uncooperative entrance. He eyed Ian in the mirror, eyes narrowing. "What are you staring at?"

Ian was stunned speechless. Of course he was. Of fucking course Mickey was about to bust out some crazy thing two years into their marriage that would make Ian finally break. Like having his ears pierced, making every single yet-undiscovered fantasy come to life.

He couldn't help but imagine Mickey with a nose ring, now. Tongue piercing. Eyebrow piercing.

Nipples.

Holy fuck.

Blood was rushing straight to his dick, and goddamn it, this was it. Ian was about to die.

Because holy fuck, the earring went through.

So did the other one.

And now, Ian was staring at Mickey, who was sporting black studs in his ears. Two dark diamonds that were obviously fake but could've not been, because this wasn't Mickey anymore. This wasn't the Mickey who rolled his eyes at anything gay—except getting pounded, obviously.

No—this was Mickey with earrings.

Ian's mouth was dry. It was dry as Mickey turned away from the mirror to face him. He stood in front of him, a determined look on his face as if waiting for Ian to call him out. Him, in all his fucking glory.

"Did you, uh," Ian finally stammered out. "sterilize the needles? I don't want you to get an infection."

"That really all you gotta say?"

Ian swallowed. "How come I never saw you with," He pointed at Mickey's ears, unable to even say the word. "those?"

"I was really young. I got 'em pierced when Mandy did. Took them out fairly soon, 'cus, you know." He shrugged, feigning nonchalance.

Ian knew.

He gripped Mickey by the shoulders pulling him closer. His eyes were on Ian's, but Ian's were on the earrings, and Ian never really knew he had a kink for jewelry.

Well, there was the wedding ring, but fuck, this had nothing to do with their relationship, and yet Ian was still sporting a raging hard-on Mickey had yet to notice.

"I love them." He said truthfully, mentally noting to get Mickey real studs once he got the chance. Not the cheap grocery-store ones, but actual diamonds that he wouldn't mind spending money on. Not when they would look so good on his husband.

Mickey blushed, pushing Ian away immediately, not getting away far, arms practically out so Ian could pull him back in. And he did, squeezing him tightly against his chest, careful not to place too much pressure on the newly-reopened piercings.

Mickey mumbled something against Ian's shirt, incoherent.

"What? I didn't hear you"

"I love you."

Ian smiled. Pulled Mickey away so he could stare into his eyes.

"You know you gotta let me fuck you with those on. Pretty sure it will be the best orgasm of my life."

Mickey only smirked, eyes lighting up immediately at the suggestion. He looks fucking amazing, Ian thought.

"Lead the way, hotshot."

Ian was right. With the earrings and the smugness—

It took him less than a minute.

2.

When Ian saw the photo, he was pretty sure he was going to die.

No, not pretty sure. One-hundred percent sure. Death was awaiting him now, ready to pull him in. He was already feeling faint, ready to just slip away into unconsciousness. He was going to die, for sure.

Or maybe it was just the loss of all the blood that was heading way down south that was making him feel this way, because holy shit.

Holy shit.

When Mickey took the earrings out after a few days of usage, claiming how they sucked, Ian thought that was it. Mickey was never going to do anything that reminded him of being gay ever again. He had probably been embarrassed and wanted to take them out, and Ian was feeling at such loss when he saw his ears vacant that he was ready to throw hands.

But, oh God.

Ian was now staring at a picture of Mickey—a picture he posted on goddamn Instagram for everybody to see—and it was him.

Him with a fucking nose piercing.

Ian checked the comments first. It would've probably been saner to call his husband and ask if he actually got a nose piercing and if he was ready to be a widow because Ian won't be lasting much longer, but there were a bunch of comments on the photo, and fuck if Ian wasn't going to leaf through them all. This could be a joke for all he knew.

Some sick joke to get Ian's hopes up, just to get them crushed down until he never had any hopes in life ever again.

Mickey with a nose piercing. Mickey with a nose piercing.

Carl said it looked 'fuckin' sick'. Lip was putting 😲 emojis all throughout the chat, sometimes even adding the 😏 one, probably a reference to Ian (at least Ian hoped it was). The other comments were just about how good Mickey look, which was really no surprise, but holy shit, did that mean this was real?

Mickey was out running some errand. Said he had some shit he needed to. That sneaky bastard. Ian didn't care if he was in the middle of the goddamn line at the Costco aisle or in the middle of a drug run.

He facetimed him.

When Mickey's face came into view, the nose ring present and very much real, Ian was lost for words. Mickey was biting his lip to keep from smiling and once he noticed Ian was just going to continue and stare, he scoffed.

"Man, it's just a piercing."

"No," Ian said. "This is much more than 'just a piercing'."

Mickey chuckled. "Well, I figured since I didn't really like the earrings, I could do this. It felt right."

This was the Mickey Ian knew and loved. The Mickey who wanted to try new things, get to know his own style. Mickey, who was finally confident enough in himself, and hopefully comfortable in their marriage, that he didn't even consider this a big deal. Ian was filled to the brim with emotions, and he was ready to explode.

"You need to come home now."

They met each other's eyes through the screen, blue glimmering in mischief. Mickey smiled. "Why?"

"Because."

"This piercing shit really gets you going, huh, Gallagher?"

It did.

It really did.

"If you're not home in ten minutes, I'll get the whip. So better be fucking home." With that he hung up, getting up to ready the supplies.

Mickey was home in eleven.

Ian knew it was fucking intentional.

3.

Ian might've been getting used to the fucking hotness that Mickey Milkovich with a nostril piercing was, but that didn't mean others were.

In the end, it probably didn't even matter that Ian was one million percent down for any types of piercings Mickey wants to get—he might have even been pushing him for a nipple piercing, but the why of it was for another time—what would eventually decide whether or not the earring stayed in was the reactions of somebody other than Ian.

It was unfair, really, that others would be able to affect Mickey's decision to finally do whatever the fuck he wanted to do, despite his ever-growing confidence. Still, Ian had a way of making sure that nobody made him feel shitty for doing something he wanted to do. Something for himself, without fearing the judgment of others like he had his entire life.

He was an arsonist, for fuck's sake. Let them try and eye his husband the wrong way.

Ian perhaps expected it from old, batty women at the grocery store who didn't have a clue what century they were in or Karens who were homophobic pieces of shit—but he never would be guessed it would be his own family poking fun at something that probably took guts to do. Because it took guts to actually get something like a nose piercing if you were a Milkovich with a past of growing up in a homophobic household.

"So, uh, you gone full gay now, Mickey?"

"Watch out, Ian, I think he might out-twink you."

"You look like Sandy now. Don't be surprised if I jump you."

"I think you look cool, Mickey."

"Uncle Mickey, what's that in your nose? Can I have one?"

Mickey didn't seem to really care about the Gallaghers' opinions. It was mostly just him flipping Lip off at the twink comment and winking at Franny for that last one. Ian, on the other hand.

Ian was the one who was getting fucking offended.

What if Mickey decided that all the teasing and sideways glances aren't worth it and he takes the nose ring out? What if Ian's deprived of sexy, liberated Mickey because of assholes like his own siblings?

It didn't matter how selfish it sounded. There was no way in hell Mickey was ever going to feel conflicted over something he didn't need to feel conflicted about.

So, the second Mickey was out of the room, and the Gallaghers were still unrelenting at the teasing, Ian knew what he had to do.

"Okay, that's enough," He said simply after the eight-hundredth joke about how the ring looked like a booger in his nose—what the actual fuck, Lip?—his voice stern.

"Come on," Lip said, despite the others clearly relenting, palms going up with sheepish expressions on their faces. "We're just joking."

"Well, enough jokes. You could be more like Liam. Tell him he looks good."

Lip snorted. "And why would I do that?"

"Because I asked you to?"

"He knows it's all jokes. He doesn't even care."

"I do." Ian narrowed his eyes. "I care whether or not he feels like he's done the wrong thing because you won't shut the fuck up after the joke's not even funny anymore."

That was what made the smile on Lip's face thin. He lowered his head sightly, as of bowing it down in shame. Ian knew he had finally caught on. Finally understood that, sometimes, even jokes could hurt people's fucking feelings.

Maybe Mickey wasn't at all touched by this. Maybe he really didn't give a shit about what Lip or some old-ass grandma at the store thought. Maybe it was only Ian who gave a shit.

But fuck it, he could give enough shit for the both of them.

If it meant Mickey would always feel comfortable in his own skin, then fuck yes he could.

"Okay," Lip said simply, and Ian smiled at him, thankful.

And when Mickey reappeared with a slight frown on his face and a, "what, no more jokes?" followed by a wide smile, Ian knew he had done the right thing.

Because Mickey looked good.

And the ring stayed on.

4.

"What is it with you and the goddamn nipple rings?"

Ian bit at his lip. Okay, he may have gone a little overboard. With all the research and the reference photos and all the places you could get one... But fuck, he had a fantasy, and he needed to see it come true.

Mickey with nipple rings.

Mickey with nipple rings.

Come the fuck on.

"Babe, listen," Ian started, moving so he was positioned against the headboard of their bed. It was almost midnight—what better time to lay it down on Mickey that he would look really fucking good with piercings in his nipples and that it would be Ian's dream come true. "They'd look so good."

"Then why don't you get them?"

Ian made an incredulous face. "Because they wouldn't look good on me. They would look good on you."

Mickey swiped at his nose, diverting Ian's attention once more to the perfection that was his black nose ring. How could Ian not see all the possibilities with multiple piercings when Mickey looked like that with just one?

"Come on," He said again, the image in his head even more vivid than before. "I googled it. It doesn't even hurt that much."

"I have a feeling like that is a very obvious lie."

Ian rolled his eyes. Okay, maybe it was.

He pushed himself back down onto the comforter, shifting so he could have access to Mickey's chest. He trailed a finger from his neck, then slowly down so it rest in between his nipples, laying out his palm so it could feel the beating of Mickey's heart.

"Imagine the sex," He whispered, trying out a new technique. Seduction. It had to work.

"Probably not until it's healed up and stops hurting," Mickey scoffed. "Also, I really don't think I'd like it. I'd look like a bull."

"You'd look like a very sexy bull. Oh, by the way, septum piercing." Ian wiggled his eyebrows. "Don't you see it? Don't you think it'd look awesome?"

Mickey looked like he was on the verge of either laughing or punching Ian straight in the dick. "I think," He began. "that I've created a monster."

"A monster who is extremely horny for your ass."

"Why do you have to have a kink for this? Ian, out of all the things. Just look up porn with a bunch of jewelry on the guys if you need to get off."

Ian frowned at the imagery. "It's not the jewelry, Mick. I've had hookups who wore a shit-ton of jewelry and it never made me all hot and bothered."

Mickey smiled at the hot and bothered part. "Dork. Then what is it?"

"Well, fucking obviously it's you."

Mickey's face lit up. "It's me?"

"Ugh, Mickey, we've been together for a while. Don't make me feel shy over this."

The exasperation made Ian's cheeks pink. Suddenly, Mickey was leaning in and pressing his lips to the heat, smiling all the way through it.

When he pulled away, there was a wide grin stretched across his face. Ian was a sucker for that grin. That grin was everything he needed in life. Nothing more.

"I won't get a nipple piercing."

Sadness. All Ian felt was sadness.

"But maybe we can check out other options." It was Mickey's turn to wiggle his eyebrows. "Tongue piercing float your boat too?"

Happiness. All Ian felt was happiness.

5.

Eyebrow piercing. It ended up being an eyebrow piercing.

And God. Ian was done. He was completely done with everything. This was it. This was all he ever needed to see in life. Now, he could die peacefully.

He was married to the hottest man alive. Ian could pride himself in that fact. Mickey truly was the hottest person Ian had ever laid eyes on.

Especially now that he had a nose and eyebrow piercing at the same fucking time.

Ian knew there would never be another man to get his attention again. Never anybody else to make Ian feel like he need to avert his gaze. Not when all eyes went to the Mickey with the hot body, amazing ass, great face, and perfect piercings.

"Maybe you should get some piercings, too," Mickey said as they sat together at the table, munching on cereal. "I mean, if you act this way over my shit, who knows how I'll act over yours."

Ian smiled. "I can't pull anything off like you can."

"Bullshit. You're hot as fuck."

Ian's cheeks pinked. "Shut up."

"No seriously," Mickey said as he got up to get more coffee. "Hottest guy I know."

Ian licked his lips, slowly running his eyes down his husband's body. "Well then, guess we both got lucky."

Mickey smiled and the piercings come into view again.

Ian really was a complete goner.

+ 1

"No," Mickey said once he saw Ian come into view. "No. No. No."

Ian grinned widely, tilting his chin slightly so he could showcase the tiny diamond—actual diamond—studs in his ears. "You like it?"

Mickey knew then that this was what heaven felt like.

He barely stopped himself from tackling Ian onto the floor.

Oh, who the fuck is he kidding.

He didn't stop shit.

[theanonymouswriterb]

Dusk Til’ Dawn

Dusk Til’ Dawn

Chapter 1: Enters The Queen

Paring: Kim Taehyung x Reader

Mafia Au Series

Warnings : Warning: SMUT, literally porn on paper 😗, lots of fluff, violence, gang, bratty!reader, dom!tae, daddy!tae, daddy kink, babygirl kink, punishment, bigdick!tae, rough sex, make up sex, lots of after care, pregnancy kink, oral!sex, deep throating and everything in between🤧

Word count: 10.5k

A/N :Hey, this is the first main chapter of the series and it basically reveals a little bit of how he made it to where he is today and how he met her again. It also reveals, a little bit of their side stories too! Hope you like it, if you want to be tagged please tell me 😗

Paring in this chapter: Kim Taehyung x Reader, Kim Taehyung x Groupies, Reader x Jeon Jungkook

Warning in the chapter: SMUT, female Masturbation, Y/n’s nasty honestly, teasing, daddy kink, choking, a large dildo, kidnapping (maybe) if you think about it. Groping, kissing, threats and a hard slap.                                

Previous. Next Chapter.

              Chapter 1: Enters the Queen

Flash back~

Walking out of the house of the stranger that helped him, Kim Taehyung sighs out of relief that he was able to survive the night by the helps of the kind girl. He wanted to stay a little longer but he has to make everything right and until he does that he cannot meet her ever again.

He knows that since his head is not a platter right now that there’s probably a bounty out for his head but right now he couldn’t care less. He takes out his phone, that he forgot he had from his pocket and began to Call one of his closet friends, Chase, nickname for Park Jimin, a friend he has known for a long time.

The calls goes through “V, where the fuck are you?!” His friend calls out “ there’s a bounty for your head for 2 million”

Taehyung laughed, “ I know and I need your help right now” pick me up at our secret place” Taehyung hears a confirmation and he hangs up the phone.

- 30 minutes later-

Chase gets out of the car “ wow you look like shit”

“ I know” Taehyung replied “ I need you to be my right hand man as of today” and chase nodded in agreement, they stared at each other for a few moments, both glad to see each other alive.

Moving back to the car, they opened the trunk and coming into view was a range of rifles, hand guns, Grenades and knives , fuck shit was gonna go down. They all betrayed him and he was out to get back at them.

Packing the magazines and preparing their guns, they both looked at each other and smiled, they knew what they both were gonna get into but they weren’t afraid, they were not gonna die, there’s no doubt about that.

Getting into the car they drove off towards the warehouse and safehouses of chaos. As they reached their destination chase spoke “You know I’ll always have your back no matter what happens right?” Looking away Taehyung nodded and they both got out of the car heading to towards the warehouse.

- inside the warehouse –

“BOSS, H-H-He’s here!” a man screamed out and all you could hear was gun sounds and foot steps Echoing through the halls.

“ SHIT” the boss screamed in frustration, as the doors swung opened in aloud bang

“ T-T-Tae, I-I-I’m so glad you’re ali-”

“Cut the bullshit” Taehyung said angrily, blood on his face and clothes, as chase appeared behind him.

“ you know” Taehyung began “ I thought of you like a family, but what are fimilies for huh?” Taehyung laughed out

“It’s not like that tae” the boss said scared for his life.

“ you know, I was hoping this wouldn’t happen, you trained me well and now you have to go....for betraying ME” and a few loud bangs of gun shots echoed through the room, as the body fell to the floor lifeless.

Taehyung walked up to the body, giving it a few more shots to the head and smiled.

“ V, we got to go” chase spoke putting a hand on Taehyung’s shoulder.

They then turned and walked away leaving the bodies behind walking through pools of blood.

Taehyung was now to become a feared man and this was only the beginning of what would come people’s way if they betrayed him.

BOOM!

The warehouse exploded into pieces as both the dragon and his right hand man walked away.

-Current time-

The music boomed through the club as a tall handsome man walks trough the crowd. The crowd moving out of the way to pave a path for him and as he walked through they bowed their heads one by one. With security in front of him as well as behind, he showed power and everyone wanted a piece of him. As he reached the V.I.P area made for him especially, he took out a cigar and out it to his lips, all his men took into their lighter but it only turns towards one man on his right.

He began to smoke the cigar as he sighed out leaning his head on the sofa, as his right hand man walked in, he knew the presence of this man and he lifted his head and opened his eyes as the man leaned in towards him and whispered “ Boss, we couldn’t find her”

“ Well then keep looking” he glared.

The another man began “Boss we’ve been searching for her for five years, there-” he stopped when he saw Taehyung glaring at him, oh he had the guts and Chase smacked him hard on his head and the man groaned in pain and the man knew he flicked up big time. Taehyung couldn’t help but laugh at the scene in front of him.

He looked down at at his wrist and watched the way his Rolex ticked them locked up that the men’s in front of him, rising from his seat “I’m not one to give second chances but you’re good at your job, if you ever think about questioning me again, or speaking without being spoken to, I’ll serve your head on a platter for dinner at your family’s house”

“Understand?” Taehyung snarled arching his eyebrows staring at the trembling sight front of him.

“Y-Y-Yes B-B-Boss” the man stuttered

“ Get out of my sight” Taehyung growled as his men bowed their heads and walked away form him. Turning, he walked back and sat down on the leather seat.

Sounds of laughter and chaos echoed through the club as he took a sip of his Tequila that was now in his hands. He watched carefully as a group of women approached the area, smirking to himself. The group of girls, stopped at the entrance and he waved a finger signaling them to enter.

They sat next to him and one sat in his lap kissing and licking his neck, he groaned out, “ mmhm” looking at her as she lifted her face off his neck, “ you like that daddy!?” She asked playfully, proud to have made him like that. “No” he spoke and shock filled the girl’s face and the other snickered out loud.

“ Then tell me what you like” she then said with soft voice and smirked “ not you but I do like you presence” he countered, she then huffed out in frustration and got off his lap walked back out towards the crowed almost embarrassed. Taehyung smiled, as if this girl thought she would have a chance with him, yes he’s a player, yea he likes her company but she’s just not the one. As he watched her walk out, the other girls moved on to him like leaches waiting to suck on some blood. They attacked him trying to take to unbutton his shirt and take off his belt. “ daddy let me make you feel good” one spoke out.

“No daddy let me suck your hard cock” the other spoke out as she got on her knees ready to pleasure him. The others then undressed themselves revealing their breasts, then a smirked quirked up his lips ,looking at how pathetic they all look trying to please him. A hand came to his crotch, palming it and he leaned his head back moaning out, they were all ready to devour him, as he closed his eyes shut, all he could see was her face, the one that saved him. He lifted his head and pushed them off him, why was he getting hard thinking about her when other girls were trying so hard to please, “daddy?” One of the girl spoke out as he got up.

“ Not now girls “ he replied as he walked towards the balcony and watched the crowd go wild. Load music beaming through the club lights flickering around. He rubbed his palm into his eyes, thinking about her, why was it so hard to get her off his mind, it’s been 5 fucking hears god dammit.

As he leaned towards the rails, he felt some hands snake sound his waist and felt a head falling on to his back and he turned. It was the same girl that got up from his lap and left the V.I.P area, now a pathetic drunk, smiling up at him.

“Daddy fuck me” she spoke in a raspy voice and he smiled down at her. “ please daddy” she said with pleading eyes, and leaned up into her toes to kiss him on the lips then down to his neck, he then snaked his hands around her waist squeezing her ass and she moaned out “ yes daddyyy more please” he then removed his hands from her ass and lifted them to her breasts and squeezed them hard and she couldn’t help but moan out load. He smirked down at her “ you like that baby” he asked in a low tone. “Yes” she replied with Enthusiasm in her voice “ yes what” he asked her now squeezing her neck blocking the air from her throat, “ yessss daddy” she choked out. And he kissed her on the lips and she could cum right there and then .

This was nothing more than a one time thing, he was a player everyone knew that, he would play with these girls and then leave them.

As he turned and shoved her on the glass balcony, he swiped his tongue along her neck, with a tight grip still on her neck. He moved his other hand from her waist down to her legs lifting her dress up, he was about to fuck this women on his V.I.P balcony with no fucks given and the girl didn’t give a fuck if people saw either, she would love the idea of people watching her get railed by the top crime boss.

His hand reached her underwear and moved her thong to the side, playing with her pussy lips and she couldn’t help but moan out loudly, “ daddy please” and the smirk on his face grew. He continued kissing her neck as he eyed the crowd, whilst playing with the girls pussy with no fucks to give and she was a moaning mess. She was literally about to cum from him playing with her clit, as he suddenly stopped, she said “ daddy, why did you stop?” and looked up at him.

He was frozen and His gaze was on someone in the crowd. A very familiar face.

He removed himself from her and shoved her away, she looked at him angrily,“ what the fuck was that for” she screamed out but he wouldn’t even look ather. “Watch your tone” he said with he piercing gaze and she lowered her he’s to floor. How pathetic, he thought and turned his head back to the person in the crowd.

It couldn’t be her could it?

“ fuck me or I’ll get someone else to do it” the pathetic girl screamed from behind Almost to the point to tears. He then huffed out a laugh “ be my guest, I don’t give a fuck” not even looking her way, she screamed and walked towards him attempting to take his clothes off and he firmly gripped her throat, “I won’t say it again” fear flushed across her face and he let go of her throat “ leave” he said and she stomped her feet in frustration and walked out. “ girls you all leave too” the other girls nodded in unison, fucked out from watching the show in front of them and walked out of the V.I.P area.

“ Chase” he spoke out and chase came walking in after the girls and bowed his head in respect, “yes boss” he replied walking towards his boss as Taehyung signaled him to come closer to him then pointing towards the crowd.

“Who’s that” Tae asked pointing to the stranger in the crowd of people,

“ I’m unsure but she doesn’t look like a regular boss” chase replied. “ would you like me to check?”

“No” Taehyung said calmly “ I’ll do it myself” watching the way the girl danced to the music. The girl’s gaze then came up to his and she lifted a middle finger up at him. Oh the audacity.

At y/n’s penthouse 7 hours ago

The sound of the alarm screamed through the room as Y/N moved on her bed not giving a fuck about the sound as she didn’t have any energy left in her. She had a long day at the office last night, as a creative director she had to make sure everything was perfect for the collection to launch. She didn’t have a lot of time to herself and she was frustrated at the fact that the new trainee at her workplace was fucking things up and she had to do the things herself.

She remembers the look on the rookies face as she scolded him, fear, that was it, he was frightened of her cause she made a reputation for herself and she was well respected so he was scared of her. But she wasn’t like other directors she was kind and although she was mad at him for messing things up for her, she couldn’t stay mad at his puppy face.

The alarm continued screaming through the bed room and y/n screamed in frustration in her pillow and lifted her arm to grab he phone and shut it off. She looked at the time and it was already 3 pm. “Fuckkk” she screamed, she was so tired she didn’t hear any of her alarms that went off at 9 am.

Turning in her bed she finally decides to get out and walked towards the en-suite bathroom. She looked at herself and the bags under her eyes were Horrendous, she began to wash her face, brush her teeth then strip to shower.

She got into their large shower and turned on the water and sighed out as the water hits her naked body. The warm water was calming and soothing, which relaxed her body. She continued washing herself and when she finished she turned the shower off and walked out, covering her hair and body with towels.

As she moved towards her walk in closet she hears her phone ring. Stopping she turns towards her bed and leaned over to grab her phone and it was no other than her girl EziKia calling.

“Hey girl” her friend spoke out. “Hey, wassup”

“ you ready for tonight” her friend questioned, “ tonight? What’s going on tonight?!” She replied shocked

Her friend her eyes “ of course you would forget” E claimed.

“Oh shit, yea I’m ready I’ve got my out fits and ideas for make up and hair all planned out” y/n smiled as she spoke “what about you, you ready?”

“Fuck yea I’m ready” E screamed “ Is J coming with us?” E then questioned

“ Yea I guess so” Y/N replied “ he said he’s meeting us there” she smiled again.

“ Have you guys fucked yet?” E said out loud, curiosity filling her mind at the thought of her two friends. “ no not yet” “ well I’m actually surprised, cause everything you two are around each other, y’all literally grope each other and flirt all day long, it’s only a matter of time before you fuck each other” E huffed out.

“ The thing is we’re not even in a relationship so I don’t think it’s gonna happen” “ fuck the relationship, you two are meant to happen, when are you gonna Acknowledge that?!” E countered.

“ Well we’re both not looking for a relationship right now anyway so it doesn’t matter” Y/N spoke as she walked back into the walk in closet.

“ you guys are literally friends with benefits who are head over heals for each other but to scared to confess” E said rolling her eyes

“ it’s not like that we’re not friends with benefits” Y/N laughed out

E then said out loud “ watch tonight, y’all are gonna fuck each other”

All Y/N could do was laugh at her friend, since what she said was mostly true expect the friend with benefits part. Y/N and Jungkook have loved each other for a long time they’re both just too pussy to admit it to each other, so they resort to flirting and making out when they’re both drunk. She was scared that he wouldn’t think of their the same way and he was scared that she wouldn’t think of him the same way, but they were both so stupid, they both love each other and too stupid to admit it. Everyone around them knows that they’re into each other.

Changing the subject y/N spoke out and said “ are you coming over here to get ready then?”

“ of-course, you need to approve of my outfit first before we go out and I need my makeup to look nice so I’m gonna ask you make up artist to do my makeup tonight” her friend laughed out.

“ yea, what’s mine is yours” Y/n replied to her friend.

They continue to speak for what felt like hours and hours and by now y/n has changed into more comfortable clothes and walked towards her kitchen to make a late breakfast for herself.

As she walked through her living room towards her kitchen she looked at her cloud sofa that now has a tint of pink to it and smiled remembering the night she helped the stranger 5 years ago and the way his lips left on hers when he kissed her and left. She couldn’t help but smile at the thought and said out loudly “ why the fuck am I thinking of him, ughhh” sighing loudly in frustration and hurried to the kitchen, then she heard “ what was that” coming from E.

“Oh it’s nothing” she replied

After making her late breakfast which was now Obviously her lunch, she walked into her living room with her plate full of food, her phone and a glass of water in her hands. After setting her things on her coffee table, she then turned on the tv and began speaking to E again.

“ so that handsome stranger you told me about, that you saved five years ago, have you heard a anything from him?” E began

“Why would I hear from him, it’s not like we gave each other’s our phone number or any details about ourselves to each other” y/n said defensive for some reason

“Well I mean you told me that you gave him your name. I’m surprised he hasn’t sent you a gift of gratitude or anything like that yet, and you know his name too” E began again softly

“ well I don’t expect anything less than nothing from a criminal like him” Y/n said as she closed her eyes and began to think about him again.

Oh the way he was built, sooo different, his face so fucking beautiful, ofcourse she couldn’t forget about him. But her and Jungkook were getting somewhat serious and she needs to get this stranger out her mind. It’s been fucking five years get over it.

They talked and talked and caught up on many things since they both been super busy with their lives and tonight was the night they were going to meet up and have so much until they both drop drunk. They said their goodbyes and agreed that E would get here sound 8 so they could get ready to go out.

Walking back up to her bedroom, Y/n layed Back onto her bed and her mind began to wonder to Jungkook. She closed her eyes and began thinking about his body and how he looks so fucking good and her he lifted up her tank top and squeezed her breasts and moan out “fuckkkk”. Her other hand then travelled down to the hem of her joggers and she lifted her hips off their bed to remove them at once in a swift motion, she then threw the piece of clothing somewhere to the side and her hand came down to her pussy lips. Oh she was ready to pleasure herself at that thought of her “friend”. She teased her lips with the fingers and then played with her clit, moving her fingers in a circular motion, “ fuck baby” she whispered out as arousal left her weeping hole, thinking of him “baby” she said again as she squeezed her breast and began moving her fingers roughly as her orgasm was building up “ yes, yes, yes baby, fuck me” and she knew she was close, as she carried on moving her fingers on her clit roughly, she felt the knot in her stomach explode and same came hard shaking and thinking about Jungkooks dick.

After she came down, she rolled to the side of her bed and pulled the drawers out picking out a large dildo from inside the drawer. She began stoking it and imaging it was J’s dick and shoved it in her mouth almost choking on the dildo.

“ mmhm” she signed as she toyed with the dildo in her mouth, as the began getting wet from her saliva she took it out of her mouth and rubbed it across her lower lips and she moaned out at the sensitivity of her Pussy lips, she began moving the dildo up and down her pussy and she moaned out load. “FFUCCK” she said. After toying with her pussy for a while she Aligned the toy up to her pussy whole and began pushing in slowly, the girth and the length of the toy was quite large and she still hasn’t gotten used to it even though she used it many times, as the toy began stretching her Pussy she moaned out load “ JUNGKOOK FUCK ME HARD DADDY” and the toy was fully in her tight pussy. She waited for a few seconds and then began moving the toy, her slick was now leaking from her whole and in the toy.

She began moving the toy roughly towards her hole and couldn’t help but imagine it being jungkook’s dick, she continue shoving the toy into her pussy screaming out. He would fill her up so good she thought to herself. ” daddy yes, yes, yes, daddy, fuck me” she breathed out in short breaths as the toy continuously moving roughly and the sounds of her moans filled the room as she could her the sound of her pussy weeping and she squeezed her breast hard and she began feeling the knot in the stomach rising, signaling another climax approaching. She turned her head in her pillow as she was struggling to breath from way the toy was ramming into her tight whole and her back arched off the bed. She continued playing with the toy and the knot was going to explode in her stomach and she couldn’t give any fucks if her neighbour heard her, she was feeling to damn good and with a last few thrust of the toy in her pussy she came hard, shaking, back off the bed and eye rolling to the back of her head “ fuck j !” She said softly, trying to calm down from her climax. After calming down, she pulled the toy out her hole and gave it a few licks and walked towards the bathroom to clean herself up.

Fuck she did not just masterbate to the thought of Jungkook, her friend. Well that probably shows that she’s head over heals for him...right?!

Time had passed and now it’s 8pM

As she sat at the vanity station, she looked at her self through the mirror and laughed remembering her Masturbating to the thought of jungkook. She was pulled from her though at the ringing of her door bell, she rushed down out her bedroom down her spiral stairs and towards the door, opening it, revealing her friend.

“Hiiiiiii” they both said squealing and hugged each other. She pulled E into her house and towards the stairs that leads to her bedroom. It was a good thing that she cleaned her sheets and made her bed presentable again cause she would have a lot of explain to her friend about the smell and the mess if she didn’t.

Walking into her bedroom, y/n looked at her friend who had a wide smile plastered on her face, it was like her first time being in y/n’s penthouse and she couldn’t get over how amazing it was no matter how many times she came to the penthouse.“ what are you smiling” y/n breathed out smiling at her friend.

“ nothing, just your LUXURIOUS house” E replied sarcastically, softly push y/n away.

“You know it’s not your first time coming to my house right?” Y/n asked laughing

“Yeah but I can’t ever get used to it” E said back looking in y/n’s direction.

They spoke and laughed as they caught up for a few minutes and then a knock came at the front door. “ that would probably be A” y/n said as she got up from her bed. A was short for Ashley, they’ve known each other for a while and he beats Y/n’s face like no other make up artist has done and makes her look like a fucking goddess not that she isn’t already one.

She walked away from the bedroom whilst taking a glance at E who was still in awe and softly laughed. Walking down the stairs, she could see that she made it far, looking at how she used to live way before, she’s glad that she worked hard to get to where she is right now.

The knock on the door came again and she walked faster to her grand door and swings it open. “ bitch you know I’ve been waiting hours out here looking like a lost dog” Ashley said with a frown on his face “ stop being dramatic A” came Y/n as she pulled him by his arm roughly dragging him into her penthouse.

Ashley was a very talented man, he was a person with a rough past, people didn’t believe in him when we said he was gonna become a makeup artist and everyone in his family thought of him as a disgrace and didn’t want anything to do with him. Not even his mother , his god damn mother.Plus it didn’t really help when he came out the closet at the same time. That’s what y/n loved about Ashley, he fought for his dreams and when no one believed in him he succeeded with his career and now he’s one of the most paid make up artist in Seoul and well known world wide.

When y/n met him, he was just starting and y/n needed a make up artist and they got on very well together and love each other like brother and sister. She saw him work hard and made a name for himself and she couldn’t be more proud. She was now his only family.

“Damn girl! You’re really living life huh?!” Ashley said as he looked around. “ This shit is way better than your town house that you had before”

Not that the house she had was bad at all, it was a beautiful town house and she had to get an upgrade sooner or later. And that house had a lot of memories.

Pulling herself out of her trance, she pulls Ashley towards the stairs up to her bedroom to meet E. Opening the bed room door, she noticed that her friend was not there anymore, the only place she could be was her walk in closet. “E!” She shouted out. “ In your closet” a reply came from her closet. E was where y/n expected her to be.

After telling Ashley to take a seat on her bedroom sofa, she then walked into her closet where her friend was. Smiling at her friend y/n spoke “ you enjoying yourself there?”

“Yes girl,your closet is amazing” E replied Rummaging through y/n’s clothes and picking a few things out the rails.

“OMG! I LOVE THIS” E screamed. “I’ve been looking for this everywhere, in every fucking store and they don’t have it in stock anymore, they ran out” a frown building on her face. “Well it is limited edition” Y/N smirked.

“I know and I really wanted one” E said as she slowly put the garment slowly back on the rail. As soon as the hook touched the rail, Y/N spoke “Well if you love it that much then you can have it” smiling at her friend. “ Are you sure?!” E asked shocked. “Yea I’m pretty damn sure. You’re in love with it and I don’t mind living with out it” Y/N said smiling at her friend who now has tears in her eyes. “Oh my Gosh, I fucking love you, you know that?” E cried out.

“Yeah I know and I love you too” Y/n said as she hugged her friend back.

“Ok, love birds, get out of the closet and let’s get you both ready we don’t have time” Ashley shouted from the bedroom and the best friends laughed together. “We’re coming” y/n shouted back. As they both walked out from the closet

y/n spoke, “E, this is Ashley, Ash, this is EziKia. They both greeted each other saying hi and kissing the side of each other’s cheeks.

“Let’s get this shut on the road”Ashley groaned out. “Let’s do it then!” Y/N spoke back.

As she was getting ready y/n began, “so where are you taking me anyways” she asked looking towards her friend as her makeup is being put on by Ashley.

“It’s a fancy club, called ‘the dragon’s lair’ I’ve been there a few times and honestly it’s one of the best clubs in Seoul, one of the dopest, you’re gonna love it” E replied to her friend whilst on her phone.

2 hours later

As Y/n walked out from her closet she felts eyes on her. The eyes of her friends. “Damn girl! You look fine as fuckkkk” Ashley spoke out “ if I wasn’t fucking gay I would bag you!”

She looked like a Goddess walking out of her closet, her hair up in a messy 90s hairstyle, parted at the side with strands hanging down from both parts of the hairandthebacktwistedheldwithabutterflyclawclip. Onherbody,sheworea tight 90s body con dress hugged her body right in every way showing off her curves and that damn fine ass. The dress was by Versace, a ti- dye pink dress that shimmers bright when light shines into it, with a plunging neckline that showed off her perfectly placed breasts and the straps hung around her neck.

A pair of small butterfly diamond neckless hung around her neck and diamond chandelier earring hung from her ears. And on her feet matching 5 inch heels that laced up her calves. Everything was just perfect about her, there’s no flaw about her.

The make up that she wore on her face was a very simple natural make up, eyebrows on fleek, with a little eyeliner to create a cat eye illusion and she wore lip gloss on top of her lipstick, making her glow. She looked like sex on legs.

“I’m not even a lesbian and you’re making me want to fuck you” her best friend smirked as she spoke “ you look fucking amazing y/n”

Y/n honestly didn’t know what to say, she knew she looked bomb as fuck but her friends hyping her up made her blush and she couldn’t help but smile. “ Both of you look amazing guys” she spoke out softly “ don’t humble yourself y/n own it” Ashley said.

“ I know I look fine okay?” Y/n spoke with sassiness in her voice and both her friend smiled at her.

“That’s our Girl” both her friend spoke in unison and they smiled at her.

“ E, you look amazing too girl” y/n said with a wide smile on her face. “Thanks babes”E said blushing “you two are literally love birds you know that, I’m surprised y’all aren’t lesbians” Ashley spoke out sarcastically. And they all laughed in unison.

“You know” E Began, “ when Jungkook sees you you he’s gonna want to fuck you” she laughed out. “Cause I wound” she continued. “So you and Jungkook are a thing then?” Ashley question and before y/n could answer E beat her to the punch saying “ they’re currently not a thing, but it’s definitely gonna change after tonight, they’re currently like friends with benefits” laughing out loud as she spoke. “ we’re not friends with benefits” y/n countered “ we’ve never fucked” she continued “but that’s gonna change after tonight tho” Ashley spoke up.

Sighing Y/n spoke “whatever” rolling her eyes.

As if the man himself heard her, her phone began ringing and there it was, his name on her phone screen. “Speaking of the devil” her friends spoke in unison and she smiled at them. Her friends strut off out of the bedroom.

Picking up her phone, she slides her finger on the screen to answer, “hey J” she said with a soft voice and her friends gagged in unison then winking at her leaving the room. “Hey darling” Jungkook spoke on the other end of the phone and continued “you ready?”

“Ofcourse I am , you?” “I’m always ready baby” y/n rolled her eyes at his remark but couldn’t help but smile. She was so in love she couldn’t even see it. He was always flirty and that’s what she lives about him too, he doesn’t flirt with other ever since that incident 5 years ago with him kissing the other girl. He was serious about Y/n but afraid to tell her how he really feels but tonight was gonna change everything.

“You know, I’m so exited to see you” Jungkook spoke with a low growl in his voice, “you saw me last week J” she said as she smiled at herself looking at her reflection in the mirror.

“Yea but baby, it’s been too long and I Haven’t kissed those plushy lips of yours in a while” he spoke making her blush. Oh how smooth he was! She was falling hard, way too hard. “J-“ she starts but gets cut off when he says “ I’ve missed you a lot, especially the way you feel in my arms” oh he was on top of his games tonight and she couldn’t care about falling into his trap any less. “ I missed you too baby, I thought of you a lot” she replied, remembering her session in her bed a few hours ago, blushing. Oh what he does to her.

“ you can’t tease me like that, if you’re not gonna give me more then a kiss” Jungkook starts again, oh he was so damn flirtatious.

“ well what if I’m giving you more than a kiss tonight, babyyy” she purred with a slutty tone in her voice, there was snickering behind her and oooooh’s coming from behind the door and she rolled her eyes knowing her friends are listening on the conversation.

Jungkook was now fucking hard and he needed her right now but he just has to wait a few more hours until he gets her. They spoke and flirted in for a few more minutes and said there goodbyes “ See you later baby” jungkook spoke on the other side of the line and y/n replied “ I’ll see you later baby” knowing they’ll see each other at the club.

The smile that plastered on her face was too damn good and she couldn’t hide the excitement that she was feeling. She began to walk towards the door opening it and there stood her two friends who was listening on the conversation smirking to her.

“What if I’m giving you more than a kiss tonight, baby” Ashley mocked with a smirk on his face and E Began “ I’ll see you later baby” mocking Y/n as well.

Y/n rolled her eyes as she walked away from her friends and said “ fuck both of you” spite in her voice

“Y/n don’t be like that babes” Ashley starts and clung onto her arm as E clung onto her other arm and y/n looked at both of them and couldn’t help but smile “whatever”

“Let’s go then, we wouldn’t want to keep your man who’s wanting to fuck you tonight waiting” E spoke with excited in her voice

“Oh, shut up” Y/n said and they walked out of her penthouse, towards the elevator, from the 100th floor. As they reached the ground floor, her Bentley was ready parked at the entrance of the building waiting for her Arrival, Greeted by Y/n assistant slash security guard, Hank. “Welcome miss” Hank spoke opening the door for her and her friends. “Oh Hank don’t be too polite” Y/n some smacking his bulky arms playfully.

They finally got into the car and set off to the night club .

It was already 9pm by the time they left the penthouse and they couldn’t be more exited to party and get wild tonight.

They finally arrived at the Dragon’s lair...finally.

Walking up towards the entrance, she was greeted by two extremely large security guards,” welcome ma’am” they spoke in a low tone and moved to the side to give way to her. Walking into the club, she was entrapped by how amazing it looked, her friend was right, she loves the place, it’s honestly super Luxury and fancy for a club. As they moved through the crowd her eyes lifted up towards the V.I.P balcony and saw a man looking down at the crowd and she thought to herself he’s probably just any other uptight man looking down at the people who are probably peasants to him and she couldn’t care less.

They reached their area and her eyes landed on the beautiful man standing up to greet them. The man was no other than Jeon Jungkook, he said hi to everyone as his eyes laid on her and greeted her with a smile, “hey darling” he spoke in a low tone hugging her body. “ Hey baby” she replied as he lowered her head to hers.

“We’re not here to watch you two have sex in front of us” their friends began and they both couldn’t help but laugh and they removed themselves from each other and sat down. “You have no idea how much I missed you” he whispered in her ears.

“Really?” She said with a flushed face, she was a confident women but she couldn’t help but hey shy when it came to him, she was obliviously in love.

“I guess you don’t miss me at all huh” he said as he bit her ear playfully whispering in her ear over the loud music. “Of course I miss you” she said looking up at him like a lost puppy. He smirked down at her and hovered his lips over her neck as she leaned her head back to give him more access. “ fuck the things you do to me” he Began with a husky voice and she pushed him away

“ what do I do to you Mr jeon” oh she knew what that nick name did to him and she has him in awe. “Have I told you how amazing you look tonight” he states changing the subject and she replied “you always tell me that when you see me” smiling back at him.

“Fuckkk” he groaned out, “you have no idea what I want to do to you” “ what do you want to do to me” she asked with puppy eyes and he melted fast. He began again “ I want to take you home and fuck you hard on every surface of my house” damn she was getting wet from the way he was speaking to her and she blushed. He kissed her neck and squeezed her back and bit down playfully watching the way she moved from his action and hearing the way she moaned out form his touch.

“Then why don’t you take me home” she said as soft as she could without moaning out loud from his touch. “ oh baby, I will - I just want you to wait a little longer” he breathed out and she rolled her eyes in frustration pushing him away and he looked at her with furrowed eyebrows and asked “ what was that for?” And he could sense her brattiness coming out “well since you’re not taking me home and fucking me, I don’t see the point in me being around you” she said with sarcasm in her voice and got up to walk always.

As she took no further than one step his hand gripped her wrist and turned her and she was pulled towards him and their lips met, the kiss was turning out, his tongue poking at his lips to get access and she granted it. They both moan out as their tongue dance together and gripped each other so hard it could leave bruises. They broke the kiss for some air looked at each other. “ I want you to stop being a brat and wait for me, like you have been for so many years” she said huskily and she rolled her eyes saying “ well since I’ve been waiting for you all my life, why don’t you just give yourself to me now” she said with frustration in her voice and he couldn’t help but smile at her “ oh my baby really has no patience” he knew she was horny and so was he but he just wanted to wait a little longer and savor the moment. They were gonna fuck, confess their love for each other and fall in love tonight and he just wanted her to wait a little longer until they got home. He wasn’t gonna let their first fuck be in the bathroom of a club. No he’s a gentleman and he want her in his bed.

“Well since you don’t want to do anything right now I want to dance” she said turning from him and he snaked his hands around her waist and said “I’ll come with you” and she grinned as they walked through the crowd who were all dancing to the music and she took his had and led him further into the dance floor.

“Can you believe those two” E began, looking at Ashley who was laughing at the drama they just saw in front of them and said “ those two are thirsty for each other and they both know it”

Leading him through the crowd she began swaying her hips to the music and he watched the way her hips moved and instantly got hard. Then she pulled him closer dancing to the music looking into his eyes and he fell in love with the sight in front of him. She couldn’t be any more perfect than she already was. She turned again her back facing he and she moved back as her back this his chest and she moved her hips on his crotch. He then moved his head into her neck and began kissing her, oh what she does to him.

They began to dance like they were in their own world, lost in their bliss and it felt like no one was around them, it as just them two. The music began to drown oust as they were far gone and lost in the way his crotch felt on her ass and she couldn’t help but moan out. She then opened her eyes, still dancing on Jungkook and lifted her heads up and her eyes met the gaze for a familiar man but she can’t remember where she’s seen him from.

As she continued dancing on Jungkook, her mind began to wonder at the man on the balcony, he was staring at her & although she doesn’t know him she wanted to play with him since he was staring at her. He dancing more and more swaying her hips, lift her hands up in the air and her other hand on Jungkook’s head in her neck and her smirk was nasty. She was playing a hard game, oh was she bad.

The man was still staring at her and again she thought he looked very familiar but then saw the women he was groping and the way her head moved back, and y/n knew he was “toying” with the girl in his arms. She then thought why the fuck The man was still staring at her and again she she kept on think about how he looked very familiar but then saw the women he was groping and the way her head moved back, and y/n knew he was “toying” with the girl in his arms. It couldn’t be him . Could it? She then thought why the fuck was he looking at her if he was with a women but then again she was grinding on Jungkook whilst looking at another man. The guilt was real and she lower her gaze from the man and turned facing Jungkook. And she began feeling him up his chest and he look at her questioning what she was up to. All she did was smiled back and turned her head up towards the balcony again and the girl was gone and only the man was up there staring down at her. She then walked her and Jungkook back towards their table and ordered lots of shot and began drinking.

The drinks came one after the other and she was beginning to become hazy as she leaned towards Jungkook and gulped down another drink. One after another, they couldn’t stop, they were too far gone, y/n looked at her friends and they were all in their world, she then looked at Jungkook and smiled at how fucked he looked and how good he looked at the same time. She then gripped his face as he looked at her with his eyes that always seems to pull her in and then she kisses him on his lips, they devoured each other for a moment and she pulled away looking at how flushed he looked.

Then her gaze went up to the stranger again on the balcony who was still staring at her but now speaking to someone beside him, another man as he pointed toward them, this man looks way too Familiar but she couldn’t get her mind on who he reminds her off. Too drunk and gone she shakes off her thoughts and look back at Jungkook who was staring at her, then kissed him again saying “ I’ll be back baby” and got up to leave to the bath room. She snaked through right the crowd dancing to the music and pointing her middle up at the man on the balcony. She finally arrived at the bathroom.

She opened the door to the bathroom and was shocked at how quite it was in there and was not at the same time. As she thought there would be lots of girls redoing their make up or people fucking in the bathroom. But this club had more class than that. The light was very dim in the bathroom and the music was also very faint. She got into one of the cuticles and relieved herself. Walking towards the sink she looks at herself in the mirror and smiled at how amazing but fucked out she looked. Then her gaze came to the man standing in the shadows of the entrance of the bathrooms and she almost screamed. Almost.

“Excuse me, mister, I think you’re in the wrong room” she said glaring at the stranger waiting for him to reply “ I don’t think I am princess” he spoke out in low sexy ass voice and she thought to herself princess? Fuck that sounds very familiar, she heard that voice before, Kim Taehyung? Not it can’t be right?. She breaks herself out of their thought and said “ I think you are Sir, you should leave , it’s a Female bathroom” still glaring at the stranger looming in the shadows, still she couldn’t make up what the man looks like. He then moved towards her and she stood her grounds.

“I missed you princess” he began his face inches from hers, there’s no ways she’s gonna let this random dude get away with this. “ dude, I think you got the wrong girl, I’m not your fucking princess, y/n snarled back at him meeting his eyes with a fiery gaze. He then lets out a small laugh “ I see your temper is still the same, even worse then mine”

“Honestly I don’t know who you are and I think you should leave” y/n said pointing at the door. “ I’m not going anywhere princess” he smiled.

“Fine , I’ll fucking leave then” as she turned to walk out she gripped her arm and her hand landed harshly on his face. “ fuck” he groaned “your slap is still hard like I remember”. His right had came up to feel his face, soothing it from the pain and he smirked at her.

“What are you a fucking Pedophile?” she screamed “let me fucking go or you’ll get more than a slap to your face” tugging her arm. He couldn’t help but smirk at her, the way she held herself was Domineering and respectful, her confidence and sassiness booming and he finally let her go and watched as she walked out the bathroom door.

She walked out as she tried to calm her breath, “what the fuck is wrong with that guy” she whispered out “he was no sense of respect” she continued walking up the corridor as she reached the end of the corridor she turned back and saw the man standing at the other end. She turned again to walk out back into the main area but her headache struck her like a motherfucker and felt very light headed. She felt very faint holding her face and she felt herself heating up. She began to walk again but couldn’t move, her legs felt really weak, was there something in the drink? she thought to herself or did she just drink too much, much more than she could handle. She stumbled backwards and felt the body of a stranger on her back, certainly it can’t be that same guy at the bathroom right, why couldn’t he stop lurking around?! Before she could think words slipped past her lips “sorry” and looked up as her vision became blurry and she was about to faint and she saw the same man in the bathroom standing in front of her, a smile on his face. “Fuckk” y/n whispered out and her mind went black as well as her vision.

“I finally found you princess”

Now at the Kim Mansion

Y/n woke up from her sleep, her headache killing her and she turned In the bed groaning in pain. The hung over was hitting hard and she didn’t know what to do, she lifted herself up, her eyes still closed and placed her feet on the floor and then opened her eyes, her eyes widening in shock.

“What the fuck” she screamed silently “where the fuck am I” she looked sound the unfamiliar room, who’s house was this she thought to herself, and who brought her here and her mind went to the guy in the bathroom “that fucking bastard” she said out loud. Anger rising inside her, was she just kidnapped from the club by that idiot? She couldn’t take any more of this and walked towards the door.

She put hands on the handle and tried moving the door but if wouldn’t budge, the door was locked, y/n began banging on the door screaming out for anyone on the other side and the door unlocked and opened slowly. There stood that smug bastard who fucking kidnapped her.

“You’re a fucking psycho” y/n let out a frustrated groan and looked up at him and he began walking towards her inside the bedroom. “Morning princess” he began still walking towards her as Y/n continued walking backwards mirroring his footsteps. Her back suddenly hits the wall and she had nowhere to go, she tried moving away but his hands came up to both side of her face trapping her between him.

“How are you feeling?” He asked softly moving his right hand from the wall to stroke her face, he could feel how soft she felt on her fingers and the way she looked up at him has him instantly weak at the knees. As no reply came from y/n he began again “ You’re so fucking beautiful you know that, more beautiful than I remember”

And no response but her eyes was still on his.

“ Princess you need to speak, you know” he stated, “it feels like I’m speaking to my self” he spoke as a smile crept on to his face.

“I’m not your princess” Y/n finally spoke

“ oh she talks” he countered

“And I’m not your princess asshole , I don’t even know who you are” she said angrily

“My princess still has a sharp tongue huh” he smirked out

“I honestly don’t know who you are so let me go” she screamed in his face trying to push him away but he didn’t budge.

“You don’t remember me?” He said almost sounding hurt. Almost. “No, I don’t” Y/n replied

“Princess I’m hurt, you hurt me” he said mockingly holding on to his chest, pretending to stumble backwards.

“It’s sad how you don’t remember me but I remember you very clearly” he began again walking towards Y/n again then said “ I remember the girl that helped me on the day no one else did and opened up her door for me, I remember the look she had on her face when she saw me at her door step”

Y/n eyes widen in shock

He continued “ I remember her patching me off and tending to my wounds and the bruises on my face” he sighed leaning his forehead against hers. “ I remember her making food for me, a dangerous stranger and gave me a place to stay” he lifted her face feeling how her lips felt on his fingers “ I remember her lips on mine when I kissed her goodbye” and he leaned in but she pushed him away.

“You’re him?” Y/n starts, “you’re the guy I saved five years ago?” She continued in awe.

“Ding, ding, ding, my princess is so clever” he said looking at her. “But you can’t be, you don’t look like him” she said as she looked at him, her eyes looking like a lost puppy’s.

“ well things change princess and I changed, I was weak when you saved me and that day changed my life forever, I’m now stronger than ever” he said proudly. “You’re Kim Taehyung” y/n asked rhetorically.

“Yes I am, the one and only KIM TAE FUCKING HYUNG” he said leaning towards her.

Shock still on her face, she didn’t know what to say, “Princess, don’t look so shocked” Taehyung said softly stroking her face but she removed his hands, she still couldn’t believe it, she thought she saw him a few hours ago and how he’s in front her, looking like a Greek god but then she remembered that he kidnapped her. Shoving him away Y/n began saying “you haven’t seen me in five years and the first thing you decide to do was kidnap me when you saw me?!” Anger rising in her.

He loves the way she gets angry and the way her eyes widen and the way she moves her lips when she speaks, then said “ I didn’t kidnap you, you fainted in front of me and I did you a favour bringing you back to my house and letting you sleep on my bed”

“Oh so you don’t think this is kidnapping” y/n said sarcastically raising her hands in the air. “No cause I clearly remember you needing my help” he replied as she out loud laughter. “You’re unbelievable you know that?” “You’re still the same ass hole I met five years ago you know that?” Y/n said “Well you’re still the same brat” he countered

“Yes the same brat that save your damn ass from dying” she screamed in frustration. He smiled at the frustration on her face and whispered out “ but you’re my brat, and I’m so fucking in love with you”

“What!” She said loudly .

He hates having to speak twice but for her he’ll do it again cause obviously she didn’t hear him the first time . “I’m in love with you! I loved you the day you saved me but I couldn’t tell you that cause I was weak and scared, scared at the fact that if I made you mine they would take you away from me, they could’ve killed you ...fuck...I fell in love with the women that took me in when no one else would, I love your brattiness and your beauty and brains. I’m fucking in love with you and now it’s different, I have all the power in the world and wealth and I wish to make you mine” Y/n looked up at him in awe, began to open her mouth but stopped herself. He saw the way she hesitated and turned. “I’m not gonna keep you here if you don’t want to be here” he said sadness filling his voice. “ but you’re the only person that keeps me sane and I want to beside me” he continued on. She couldn’t help but look at him in pity. “Fuck I know I’m a bad guy I’ve done bad thing too many people but you, you just change me, you keep me wanting more, keep me thinking about you everyday and in this insane world, you keep me wanting to live” he confessed She reached up and held his hand, turning him and looking at him in the eyes “ If you’re not the man you were five years ago, then who are you now?” She asked changing the subject.

“Five years ago, I was a puppet, trained to do always do what the masters says and I was too fucking naïve and so I was betrayed and now I made a name of myself- now I’m a crime lord, a fearful crime lord, I do a lot of bad things and I get everything I want-“ before he could continue Y/n interrupted him asking “what kind of bad things?!” She asked softly “ I can’t tell you that princess- if you know you what I really do, you definitely won’t want to stay” he spoke out softly leaning his forehead against hers.

Then continued on “ if you want to leave then the door is open” removing himself from her, giving her space. “But I want you to know that I’m in love with you” She looked at him and he returned his gaze with pleading eyes, she then began moving her feet and walked past him and he thought to himself, she’s gonna leave. He didn’t turn tho, he didn’t want to watch her leave but he could only lowers his head as he hears the bedroom door open then close. She was gone.

Then he hears her voice coming from behind him. “ if I stay, would it really help you?” Y/n asks softly, and Taehyung turned shocked that she actually stayed. She had a soft spot for him as he does for her. “Y-Yes” he stuttered out, he couldn’t believe he stuttered. The almighty, fearful Mafia boss stuttered. “Then what’s in it for me?” Y/n questioned further. He huffed out a laugh “ so you’re gonna negotiate with me?” Asking her. “Yes, what’s in it for me?” She continued. He was in shock of how confidant she was. You’ll get security, everything you want in this world-“ before he could continue she spoke “I already have everything I wanted” not removing her eyes on him. He then opened his mouth and closed it questioning himself for a moment then said “ you could fall in love with me” he said softly walking towards her. He then raised his hands and cupped her cheeks, and leaned in closer. “You could fall in love with me, like I am in love with you” he repeated. “Maybe” Y/n replied with a soft voice.

“Be with me for a year or two and if you fall in love with me, stay, if you don’t then the door is always open for you to leave but I hope you’ll give me a chance” this was the second time he ever begged in his life “please”. Y/n’s mind began to wonder, if she agrees to him, she would be starting a new life and it was almost as if she was waiting for him to come and knock at her door. And here he was the mighty dragon right in front of her, eyes drawing her in and she suddenly forgot about the life she led before today. Will she be able to forget her love for Jungkook and leave her friends behind being with this deadly beast? And this isn’t love right? She’s not doing this for love.....is she?

Y/n looked up at him and met his pleading eyes, little did he know, she fell in love with him too, five years ago that is, possibly love at first sight, she then softly said “ok”, and closed her eyes embracing him.

Tag list : @sugarplummies @yiyi4657 @sppvjj

A/N: chapter 2& 3are currently being written and will be released next week Saturday and Sunday, I will specify the time later on😄 hope you’re liking the series so far 😗

[thebigpalooka]

you’re not my dad (redemption arc)

I was gonna tack this onto @humanityinahandbag​‘s post but I’m not good with computers so I’m just posting this on its own, but to be clear, this is a follow-up to her amazing wonderful-awful half-drabble right here because I recognize my complicity in this crime.  However, when I offered to ruin her day, I was VERY CLEAR that when I lay my hand on something, everything turns out okay in the end.

So, for my own personal little version, read on.

Funny how, in spite of it all, it never occurred to him to do anything but go up to his room.  How after everything he’d shouted, he obeyed without a word because if he opened his mouth again now -

“I can’t believe you’re making such a big deal out of this, you’re always telling me what to do all the time!”

“Yeah, well, that’s my job, dude!”

“No it’s not!”

“Uh, it kind of *is*, and you better make it *your* job to start listening.”

“You’re not -”

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to remember that part.  He’d never seen Tom look like that, didn’t know what it meant, exactly, only that it was bad. And Tom was an adult; he shouldn’t have been able to make him look that way, had wielded a power he didn’t even know he had, and it felt just as damaging as the last time he’d exploded.

He moved to sit on the bed, then on the floor, then finally ended up in the beanbag, curled almost into an actual ball.  He couldn’t visualize, in that moment, all those trips it had taken to bring his things up here from the woods, couldn’t see Maddie smoothing out the comforter they’d picked out, couldn’t see Tom balanced on the ladder as he tacked up christmas lights.  He only remembered that the bean bag was his, so he didn’t have to feel guilty there.  

He felt guilty anyway; it oozed up from the inside and pooled in his gut when he heard footsteps on the attic stairs.

When both of them topped the steps, he knew it was real, real bad.  He clenched his fists, and as they eased to sit down on the floor in front of him, he sat up straight, panic spilling his thoughts out into words as fast as they formed.

“Look, I’m sorry, okay?  I’m really sorry.  I don’t know why I said it, but it didn’t mean anything, so I’m sorry.  And we can forget about it, right?  I can follow the rules, and we don’t have to talk about it, okay?”

“Sonic….”

“I just don’t see why it has to be a big deal!”  He darted a look up at them before focusing on picking at a piece of duct tape he’d stuck over a tear in the bean bag.  “People say dumb things all the time, and I won’t do it again, so -”

“Bud, this is serious,” Tom interrupted again, a little more firmly.  

He squeezed his eyes shut.  “...I know, but - look, I’ll make it my job to start listening, just like you said, so - so -”

“Hey.”  A warm hand landed on his shoulder and his eyes flashed open, bright electric blue.  Terrified.  

Tom looked scared too.

“Honey, calm down.”  Maddie’s voice seemed close and distant all at once.  “Take a breath.  Slowly, okay?”  She smiled faintly.  “I know that’s kind of not your thing, but….”  They waited until he snorted an awkward breath and huffed it out again.  “There you go.”  

“Sonic, I’m not talking about what you said when you were mad.  I’m talking about what you said in the garage.”

His reeling thoughts locked up.  The garage?  The garage?  What had he said in the garage?  Then he remembered, and he felt hot and icy all over.

Are you gonna make…

Please just…

Don’t make me go, okay?

They waited a second before Tom spoke again.  “Is that….”  His voice was husky.  He cleared his throat.  “...is that something you’ve been thinking about?  About us send - sending you away?”  His voice cracked again and he winced.  Maybe all three of them did, hearing it out loud.

“No,” Sonic lied.  Didn’t know why.  “...I mean, sometimes, maybe.  I dunno.”  A shrug, like it was the most natural thing in the world.  It was, right?

Tom and Maddie exchanged a look.  God, god, god, they’d thought about it too.  He clenched his fists again, and they trembled with the strain of sitting still.  He could’ve been up and out the skylight and into the woods in a second flat.  Heck, he could grab a few things on the way out.

“How long have you been worrying about that?” Maddie asked.  Her voice was so gentle that he had to swallow back the lump in his throat before he did something embarrassing, like cry.  He shrugged.

“I’m - pft, I’m not worried about it.”  Another lie.  He smiled a smile that felt as tight as a strained rubber band.  “I’m just… I’m….”  He clunked his shoes together.  The words came out like a fast train.  “....I like it here and it’s really cool, and I’m really glad you guys let me live here, so I wanna be a good - you know.”  

But he didn’t know.

Tom ran a hand over his hair, letting out a long breath.  Maddie rubbed his arm and Sonic felt vaguely jealous.

“I’m sorry.”  A muscle tightened in Tom’s jaw.  “...I’m really sorry, buddy.”

Sonic stared.  “...For what?” he almost whispered. 

Here it comes.

“I sh….”  He stopped.  Maddie’s hand had paused on his arm; she moved it to stroke his shoulder.  He cleared his throat again and for a second, Sonic had the sudden and bizarre sensation like Tom was gonna cry, himself.  Until that moment, it had never occurred to him such a thing was even possible.  When he spoke again, his voice sounded almost normal, but the awareness remained.  “...I should’ve made sure you never had to worry about that.  I messed up.  And I hope you can forgive me.”

For once, he was speechless.  Tom shifted forward, settling a hand on each shoulder.  The touch made his chest tighten again.  “Sonic.  No matter what happens, no matter how mad somebody gets or what anybody says, nobody is ever - ever gonna send you away.”

“This is your home, sweetheart.”  Maddie squinted, reading his gaze to make sure he was listening.  “It’s our home.  All of us.”  She found one of his hands, resting limply against his knee, and squeezed it in her own.

“We may not understand all of it yet, exactly.  But we’re a family.”  Tom lifted his brows, paused to let the word fill up the silence.   “Ozzie and me and Maddie and you.”

“Oh.”

He felt dizzy.  Lightheaded.  He felt like he was gonna puke.  He felt too embarrassed to go on living.  He felt like a stone statue and he felt like he was going to fly apart into a million pieces.  It felt like a gazillion pounds of lead had just poured out of his shoes.  Like his head was gonna pop off on a spring like a jack-in-the-box.

“...Y-yeah, I know that,” he lied once more, slowly this time.  “I know that.  We’re … we’re like a family.”

“We’re not like a family.  This is our family.”  Maddie swung his hand back and forth a little.  “Sometimes a family is - you know - a pretzel lady, a donut lord and a blue blur.  Right?”

“Makes sense to me.”  Tom studied him.  “...Make sense to you?”

The hand that wasn’t closed in Maddie’s was closed in Tom’s.  He didn’t remember when that had happened, but he was clasping it so tight that he could feel his knuckles straining against his glove.

“Yeah.  Of course.  Sure.”  It wasn’t a lie this time.  He still felt like crying, though.  He shifted away and they let him do it, releasing his hands. He tucked them around his legs again.  “That’s cool.  I’m - yeah.  I mean that’s awesome.  Of course we’re - we’re a family.  That’s - you guys are  - I mean, we’re the best family.”

“Good.  We think so too.  So that means we’re sticking together.  Even if we have arguments or something crazy happens.”

“Crazy?  In this family? Pfft.  Not likely.”  Tom grinned.  Sonic knew it was his benefit, and smiled back, or came the closest he could when his stomach was still turning flip-flops.  Maddie smiled too.

“We’re a team.  No matter what.”

“Yeah.  Okay.  Cool.”  He looked at his shoes.  “...Thanks, you guys.”  

There was an awkward pause.

Maddie understood before either of the boys did.  She let out a breath.  “Well.  I better go check on Ozzie - I bet he’s gonna want outside.  Then we can decide what we wanna make for dinner, okay?”

“Y-yeah, sure.  Sounds great.”  Sonic froze as she bent and kissed his forehead.  Made him feel warm and squirmy all over, but he was glad.  She brushed her fingers against his ear with a smile and then rose to retreat quickly down the stairs.  Even then, Sonic didn’t quite know if she’d understood how hard it was to talk in front of just one person, let alone two, but as Tom rose, looking faintly confused, and began to follow her, Sonic managed to work up enough nerve.  He jumped to his feet.

“H-hey, donut lord... about… about that other thing I said….”  

Tom stopped.  Sonic waited for him to say something, but he didn’t.  He swallowed.  “...I really am sorry.  I didn’t mean it.”

Tom nodded.  “It’s okay.  Everybody says things they don’t mean when they get mad,” he murmured.  

Sonic squirmed.  “Yeah, I know, but - I … I really...really didn’t mean it.  Um.”  He squeezed a pop out of one knuckle.  “It’s just that, if it wasn’t for you, I’d be puking up mushrooms full time by now and … a-and besides that, you’re pretty much the coolest person I know, and I have an extremely developed instinct for coolness, it’s kind of like a sixth sense, really-”

Tom’s face twisted with amusement and emotion at odds with one another.  “Sonic....”

Sonic shook his head, letting his hands talk in a bigger and bigger arc.  “A-and it doesn’t really matter what it is, because we know what it is, don’t we?  It’s just our thing, our cool guy thing, that’s all, but I just don’t wanna let you down.  Okay?  Look, all I’m saying is, you’re my favorite person.  And not in a weird way, it’s totally, totally cool -”

“Sonic.”  Tom dropped to one knee so that they were eye-to-eye.  His smile was humiliating.  And great.  “...I feel the same way.  I love you, bud.”

Strong arms drew him in and hugged him.  For a second, he was scared he’d blow up the whole house.  But that didn’t happen, and so instead, he shut his eyes tight and stretched his arms as far as they’d go and held on tight.  And he mumbled it back, whispered it into Tom’s shirt because he couldn’t say it any louder, but they were so close, it was perfectly, perfectly clear.

[rosaliepostsstuff]

Little steps (George Weasley x reader) | pt 3 - Awe

Pairing: George Weasley x reader, (hinted) OC x reader

Part 1 • Part 2

Word count: 3254

Summary: Y/N and George deal with everyone around them with a week left to the ball, and then the big moment comes

warnings:  probably cursing, but nothing worse

a/n: it’s long but I’m not sorry this time. Next part will most likely be huge too, because I don’t really feel like dividing it up more, but maybe I’ll have to?..

George closed the door to his dorm room behind him and paused for a second, leaning back on it. “How’s the schoolboy doing? Library air working wonders?” His brother looked up at him before going back to the ‘Which broomstick?’ issue Lee and him were huddled over. His reflex was to get back at Fred for that lazy jab, but he didn’t, too dazed to care. He came over to his bed and plopped down onto it.

“I asked Y/N to the ball.” Both his roommates snickered and looked up at him. When he didn’t continue, they looked at each, then back at George. “You did?” Asked Fred, to which George answered with a confirming  “mhmm”.

Now they were both laughing. “How loud did she laugh at you, mate?” said Lee between wheezes. “On a scale of Pince’s shushes” added Fred, trying to fake seriousness. George smirked looking at the roof of his four-poster “She agreed” he said trying not to be smug, the idea still odd to him.

“Sure she did. If you snatched Y/L/N as a date, then I’m running for Minister when we graduate.”

The same night, you were all showered, in your PJs. You were standing in your little section of the dorm room, slowly brushing your long, h/c hair, getting ready for bed. Hermione already tucked in with her book, the rest of your roommates still out and about, so you were just with your friend, in that comfortable silence.

“I have a date to the ball” you broke it. “Hmm?” Hermione got detached from her evening read. “Oh, yeah. So he finally got around to asking you?” You broke your gaze from your reflection to look at her. “Actually, it’s not Matt.” Hermione raised her brows and closed her book after marking her page, but did not interrupt. “George asked me.” You pressed your lips tight. “George?..” You nod. She sits up “Our George?” Nod. “George Weasley..?!” “Well what’s wrong with that?” You stop brushing your hair, voice tone still soft, but you got slightly defensive when it was so hard to believe. “No, no.. not wrong” she assured quickly. She was now fully sat up, pushed her covers off and swung her legs over the bed. “I – I guess I just.. didn’t realize the two of you talked? … Like that, I mean. You know, besides when we all hang out or we’re at the Burrow.” She was now examining the rug at her feet. You bit your lip and shrug, looking her in the eye.

As the end of term was getting closer, the time only seemed to speed up. You managed to finish the assignments you planned to do that time and tried to stay on top of the ones still coming up.

Week after your encounter with George were limited to the polite ’hi’ and small smiles across the table or the common room, when you caught each other’s eye, before looking away.

Matthew got around to asking you to the ball when you visited Hufflepuffs’ common room last the previous weekend. He wouldn’t bring that topic anymore.

You were sat on the couch, Matt’s long arm rested on the back of the couch behind you. Your friends were doing some kind of roast contest after a few butterbeers. You were laughing under your breath at them, your own bottle in hand. You felt his hand trace circles on your exposed upper arm – the fireplace in front of you and the faint amount of alcohol consumed enough to keep you warm. You looked up at him to see that his piercing eyes were studying your face. “Everyone in this castle seems to be talking about the ball” he said. “all the girls are freaking out.” accompanied by his iconic eye-roll, which earned your chuckle  “..are you excited, Y/N/N?” “For the ball? Of course.” you said, looking down at your lap. You started fiddling with the bottle in your hand, already knowing what’s about to come. “Will you be my date?” he said delicately poking your side with his free hand, his bottom lip caught between his lips in anticipation.

There was a week left till the end of the term. You were sat at the table with Hermione, who was pouring over her potions notes, Harry, reading Flying with the Cannons for the millionth time according to you, and Ron, who was  building a card castle out of his Exploding Snap cards, a novel in front of you. You were half listening to them bicker about schoolwork and Harrys lack of preparation before the second task of the tournament.

“Leave him alone, Hermione, he’s earned a bit of a break,” said Ron, and he placed the last two cards on top of the castle and the whole lot blew up, singeing his eyebrows. “Nice look, Ron… go well with your dress robes, that will.” It was Fred and George. They sat down at the table with you. “Ron, can we borrow Pigwidgeon?” George asked. “No, he’s off delivering a letter,” said Ron. “Why?” “Because George wants to invite him to the ball,” said Fred sarcastically. You kept your gaze fixed on the book and tried to hide how you twitched at that sentence, with the words ‘George’, ‘invite’ and ‘ball’ in it. “Because we want to send a letter, you stupid great prat,” said George. “Who d’you two keep writing to, eh?” said Ron. “Nose out, Ron, or I’ll burn that for you too,” said Fred, waving his wand threateningly. “So… you lot got dates for the ball yet?” he asked missing how you lifted your eyes from the book in front of you to George’s face for just two seconds, biting your bottom lip; his twin’s half-smile “Nope,” said Ron. “Well, you’d better hurry up, mate, or all the good ones will be gone,” said Fred. “Who’re you going with, then?” said Ron. “Angelina,” said Fred promptly, without a trace of embarrassment. “What?” said Ron, taken aback. “You’ve already asked her?” “Good point,” said Fred. He turned his head and called across the common room, “Oi! Angelina!” Angelina, who had been chatting with Alicia Spinnet near the fire, looked over at him. “What?” she called back. “Want to come to the ball with me?” Angelina gave Fred an appraising sort of look. “All right, then,” she said, and she turned back to Alicia and carried on chatting with a bit of a grin on her face. “There you go,” said Fred to Harry and Ron, “piece of cake.” “Well, I don’t suppose, Y/N..?” asked Ron quietly. You snorted without looking up. “Yeah, that’s what I thought…” Fred got to his feet, yawning, and said, “We’d better use a school owl then, George, come on…” They left. Ron stopped feeling his eyebrows and looked across the smoldering wreck of his card castle at Harry. “We should get a move on, you know… ask someone. He’s right. We don’t want to end up with a pair of trolls.” You looked up from your book now, and Hermione let out a sputter of indignation. “A pair of…  what, excuse me?” “Well — you know,” said Ron, shrugging. “I’d rather go alone than with — with Eloise Midgen, say.” “Her acne’s loads better lately — and she’s really nice!” “Her nose is off-center,” said Ron. “Oh I see,” Hermione said, bristling. “So basically, you’re going to take the best-looking girl who’ll have you, even if she’s completely horrible?” “Er — yeah, that sounds about right,” said Ron. “I’m going to bed,” Hermione snapped “you coming, Y/N?” You didn’t feel like going back to your book anyway, so you nodded and together you took off towards the girls’ dorm without another word.

As both Harry and Ron got rejected by the first girls they asked and the topic of Hermione’s mystery date came round you kept quiet, not because you didn’t know, but you wanted to see the look on their faces when they saw him next to her.

  One day during that last week, when afternoon lessons were over with, you decided to finish the chapter you weren’t able to the other evening. So there you were, lying on the couch, in the mostly quiet common room, as you heard multiple voices and laughs coming down the stairs to boys’ dorms. “I’ll believe it when I see it” said Lee, walking into the common room with Fred, George, Seamus and Dean. “Oi! Y/L/N! “ Seamus called over “Yes?..” you said without looking up “That true you’re going to the ball with Weasley?” You sat up, finally looking at the boys over the backrest “You dimwits got nothing better to do? Like last minute homework before the break?” “No” he said quickly, the boys still grinning, looking between each other. George was behind them, arms crossed at his chest, leaning back on one of the tables. “Well there’s lots of them, you’re gonna have to be more specific, dear” George looked at you, tilting his head to the side “Yeah, I am” “Seriously?! What’s he got, that I don’t?” asked Dean, pretending to be hurt “See - if you have to ask, you’ve got your answer, love.”

   December 25th, 1994

You stood in front of your great mirror, examining your appearance carefully. You were mentally checking all the steps of your preparations – make-up done, your hair done in a loose low-bun, delicate jewellery complimenting the dress you had on. Oh, that dress. Its colour worked with your hair and eyes beautifully, golden accents making sure you stood out, but not too overbearing. Your shoulders were exposed and the length of the dress was comfortable, so there were no accidental dance-related exposures, but short enough to accentuate your legs. Your feet were adorned with surprisingly comfortable heels, and you used just the right amount of perfume.

You kept wondering if there was something you could’ve forgotten. In that moment, when million thoughts a minute flooded your mind, you wondered if George had asked you, like many others, because you were popular and pretty. Then, you got worried if he even thought you were pretty at all. Glancing at the clock you concluded, you just did everything you could to live up to your reputation.

The entrance hall was already bustling with chatter, students talking to their friends and dates or still waiting for them.

George was standing with Fred and Lee, half-listening to their bickering. His hands slightly sweating in his pockets, he was subtly looking over everybody’s heads to try and find you, then glanced through the entrance to the Great Hall, checking for the third time already if you were perhaps waiting for him there.

His attention brought back to his friends after Lee mumbled a string of rather rude words. “Should I shake your hand or something, mate? Cause damn…” Said Lee directly to him. What was he talking about? Then George saw his twin stare at something behind him with his mouth slightly open. “You might wanna turn around, Georgie.”

Before that night, saying what he thought of you would’ve been difficult. He met for the first time when you were still just a kid. A friend of his brother, a fellow Gryffindor, who after your first year everybody was sure had a knack for heroics. He enjoyed his interactions with you, you weren’t quite like anyone else. Not always saying a whole lot, but when you did, it was on point and your comment only got more bold over the years. You were also popular in the school, especially after puberty hit, and you seemed to interact with people from all the houses. He couldn’t deny it, you were naturally beautiful. That used to be just a fact, irrelevant to his life.

At this very moment in time, as you were slowly making your way down the steps to the Entrance Hall, he couldn’t fathom why you would want to be his date.

Your eyes found him quickly, his tall figure standing out amongst the crowd. Your excitement and unfamiliar nervousness showing in a smile that could light up the darkest of times.

Your heart was hammering in your chest and you were begging the universe not to let you trip on those stairs, when you really couldn’t watch where you were going, your eyes glued to ones across the room. Damn, he looked good in those dress robes.

“Hi.” you said, still grinning, once you walked up close to him. “Hey..” he smiled at you, still feeling as if he was in some kind of limbo. “You look beautiful” he said sincerely, without much thought “Thank you” you almost whispered, looking down at your shoes and blushing a bit. You weren’t really good at taking sincere compliments. “You look real smart” you looked up at him. He was grinning and playfully ran a hand through his hair.

You were saved from trying to fill the silence, as it seemed that the champions had started to gather for their opening dance. “We should go inside.” you gestured towards the great hall with your head. He offered you his arm to take, which you did. As you made your way inside and stepped aside with everyone else, you didn’t let go, but tried to place that feeling. The feeling of being next to George.

As the two of you were dancing, that electric feeling didn’t leave you and you were enjoying George’s company and the comfort it brought you more than you even anticipated. An he was surprised with himself, how the tiniest of your reactions to his jokes, laughs or the most irrelevant comments encouraged him to just let go and be himself.

“I mean,  by now you should really just tattoo ‘Death threats welcome’ on your forehead.” he tapped his finger on your forehead “Haa-haa.. you’re the one who had a one-way snowball fight with You-Know-Who.” you replied, to which he scrunched up his eyebrows and looked at you in confusion.

The two of you were having a break from dancing, sat side to side at your table, butterbeer in front of you.

“Three years ago, we were all staying at Hogwarts for Christmas. You and Fred bewitched some snowballs to hit Quirrell on the back of his head, remember?” He nodded, smiling at the memory, but didn’t quite get where you were going just yet. “Well Qu-qu-quirrell turned out to be his number one fan, sharing a head with him, didn’t he?” George raised his eyebrows and you both laughed, leaning on each other as the realization dawned on him. “We’re on the hit-list too, then.”

You talked some more, of the events from the past you never shared your thoughts on, family, people from the school. Then you saw him, across the hall, looking at you.

“Do you mind if I go and catch up with some friends for a bit? I promise to come back.” “Yeah, sure.. of course.” George tried to sound casual. He joined some of his friends in a conversation and mentally scolded himself for feeling possessive of you when some tall Hufflepuff bloke kept smiling, standing so close to you. Or when he took you to dance.

 When you walked up to your best friends later, it didn’t go at all as intended. Before the ball you were anticipating Ron’s reaction to Hermione going with Victor Krum, just wanting to get back at him for being nasty. You didn’t expect him to be even nastier after finding out, as you were currently listening to their fight. Truth be told, Ron’s dumb accusations made you speechless at first, but it was getting out of hand. “Obvious, isn’t it? He’s Karkaroff’s student, isn’t he? He knows who you hang around with… He’s just trying to get closer to Harry — get inside information on him — or get near enough to jinx him —” “Would you listen to yourself?! Or have you gone bonkers sitting at the table, green with jealousy the whole night?!” you stepped in “Oh, what would you know about that? I’m surprised you noticed what I did tonight as you were having so much fun with my brother. What’s up with that, huh?! Were you planning on telling me about it?” “Okay, that does it!” Hermione grabbed your hand and pulled your speechless form out of their sight.

 When you eventually got back to him, George sensed something was off, but he didn’t feel in place to ask about it. He did the best he could in this situation – take your mind off of it. You were dancing, both your hands in his, and he did everything so over-the-top. Spinning you, then pulling you close to him. After a while, you were a giggling mess, enjoying the sound of his laughter, worries forgotten.

“All right Hogwarts, just a couple numbers left until this night is over, so make the most of it.” said the vocalist of the Weird Sisters, before a slow song came on.

You both froze, testing each other’s reaction, hands still together, though the grip a bit looser.

“Do you.. want to..?” he trailed of his question. “I mean, the ball is almost over, it would be a shame to just sit it out..” was the best answer you could gather up courage for. With that you let go of his hands to place hands delicately on his chest. You were looking at your feet, feeling as if looking up at his would be too intimate. His own hands went carefully to your waist, both of you testing the waters.

And you swayed like that, content with what you had, close to each other, but neither pulling the other in completely.

Being close felt like the forbidden fruit you took a single bite out of, but taking another one would be pushing your luck.

And then the music stopped. You joined in as the crowd clapped the band one last time, listened in silence as Dumbledore thanked everyone and bid you goodnight.

“Let’s let the crowd pass a bit, yeah?” you asked, and he squeezed your hand lightly and nodded.

You were walking back to the common room in silence. Almost comfortable silence. It was just such a shame the night was over, when it could go on forever.

“I had fun tonight, so I guess, thanks for that? I mean, I expected no less” you bumped his side with the little energy you had. “At your service, m’lady” he bowed his head with a charming smile “I had fun too”

Silence.

Before you knew it, you were in front of the Fat Lady. George told her the password and the both of you came through. You only stopped next to the stairs to the girls’ dorms.

“I really had a good time” you were stalling. “Me too”

You let go of his hand to face him properly, standing on the first step to be a little taller, to which he chuckled. Now, closer to his eye level, looking at him was truly intoxicating.

Tonight changed how you saw George. It showed you just how much you liked him as a human being and how well you got along. When you looked at each other, relaxed smile on his face, you looked at his lips and wanted to kiss them so bad.

But you had forbid yourself to jump head first.

You kissed him on the cheek. “Goodnight, Georgie.” you said softly, pulling away. “Night, Y/N..”

You walked up the stairs, leaving him dazed at the bottom.

Part 4

[lonelyreputation]

Trouble in Canada • TWO

A/N: Thanks for your patience & thanks for all your support 🥰 Only 3 months late with this 🥴 Can’t believe I’m posting TiC2 AGAIN wow I’ll forever love this series bc of you all 🤧🤧

THANKS A MILLION A MILLION FOR ALL YOUR KIND WORDS!! I love you all with all my heart 🥺🤧

TROUBLE IN CANADA PT. 1 | MASTERLIST | LET’S CHAT 🥂

Warnings: Arguing, angst, few swear words here and there

WC: 10.1K // Angst

“We need to talk.”

The cup of tea you held slipped through your hands and shattered.

Normally when a glass shattered in your apartment, Shawn would always rush forward.  He would always push you back, no walking around without shoes, he would say out of care as he kneeled down to pick up the minuscule shards of glass, don’t want you getting glass stuck in your foot.

But the two of you just stood there, looking at each other with different emotions swimming in your eyes, as the ceramic mug lay destroyed at your feet.

You had never seen your husband lack emotion in his eyes.  His eyes were always your favorite aspect of him, they were one of the first things about him that you fell in love with.  His eyes that normally held love, care, and compassion were now dark, empty, and held a hint of anger.

While his eyes held negativity, you felt the back of your eyes prick with tears, throat tight with sadness.  But you were looking at him with eyes wide of desperation––full of questioning and heartbreak–––because why on earth wasn’t he wearing his wedding ring.

You knelt to the ground, getting to work on picking up the broken mug, because you didn’t want him getting glass stuck in his foot.  It felt as if you were getting a glimpse into how this conversation with your husband was going to go; you trying to pick up the remnants of your heart that you could already feel breaking.

Once you got the small pieces together, you walked over to the trash can with Shawn’s eyes following you with every move.  You brushed the pieces in the bin and took the broom from the closet to dispose of the larger breaks.  You held eye contact with him as you walked back out into the entry area of your apartment.

His eyes trailed your every movement with skepticism, like he didn’t trust you.

You bit the inside of your cheek, trying to keep your emotions at bay, as the broken pieces of the mug made a clanking noise when you swept them together.  You looked up at Shawn through your eyelashes and saw his eyebrows pulled together as if he was thinking of what to say.  

Frankly, you didn’t think you were able to say anything.  He was the one who said that the two of you needed to talk, you had no idea what you wanted to talk about. You figured that you would be listening to more of his side of the conversation than talking.

When did he take off his wedding ring?

“That was the mug I got for you on our second Valentine’s Day together,” his words were only slightly louder than the broken pieces falling into the bin, his voice cracked, “And you––you’re throwing it away?”

You stopped dumping the glass pieces into the trash, and looked up at him with sad, questioning eyes, “It’s…broken?”

Placing the dustpan on the counter, you walked out from the kitchen and stood in front of Shawn, and for the first time since before you started dating all those years ago, you didn’t know what to say.

“Are you not even going to try and fix it?!”

The pain behind his voice sounded like he was talking about so much more than a broken mug.

Cautiously, you took a step forward, eyes glancing down at his bare hand, then stared into his fuming eyes, “Why…” You gulped, eyes returning down to where his wedding ring should be.

Why was he not wearing his wedding ring?

In theory, the question shouldn’t be a hard one to ask him.  He was your husband, there were no secrets between the two of you in the decade you’ve known each other.  There were no secrets between the two of you as you slept next to each other at night, his arm thrown around you to keep you safe; there were never any secrets.

But now? Now you didn’t know.  You didn’t know the words to string together in order to ask him why he took off the ring you slid on his finger the day you promised to love each other for eternity.  

The nausea built up in your stomach slowly, bile churning with each thought that passed through your mind.    

What made him not want to wake up with you every morning?

Nothing was settling right in your stomach.  Nothing about this was a case of, oh, sorry I forgot to return your calls I was too busy.  He had dodged your calls, purposefully avoided you––his wife––and now he was standing in the middle of your home not wearing his ring.

Your house didn’t feel like much of a home anymore.

For a moment you pushed your doubts aside.  You tried not to focus on the pain in your heart as you shifted your focus on something else you needed to discuss with Shawn; your cooking instructor.  

The thought of Ethan had been weighing down on your mind ever since your last lesson.  You lightly touched your wrist, remembering the way his hand tightly circled around your wrist that day.  The glower of possessiveness he held in his eyes when he looked at you caused you to shudder at the memory.  The feeling of embarrassment flooded your entire body as the phantom pain of hot oils dripping down your back as the whole class stood and watched.

You wished you had confided in Shawn about the uncomfortable actions Ethan demonstrated during each lesson.  

Pushing your crumbling heart to the back of your mind you took a deep breath, anxiety crawling up your throat, “I need to––um––I want to tell you something.”

Feeling nervous in front of your husband wasn’t uncommon. Everyday you had spent with him felt like the day of your first date; on your toes, giddy about what the rest of the day would bring––excited to spend the day with him.  It’s what made you fall in love with him at a rapid pace.  But while you were accustomed to the affect of your heart skipping a beat whenever you were around him, this was a different kind of nervousness.

This nervousness felt more like knowingly walking into a trap instead of a blissful evening with your husband.

With another deep breath, you looked down at your sock clad feet, not wanting to see his reaction, “There was um––Something happened when you were on tour–––”

“Can’t even look me in the fucking eyes when you say it?”

You whipped your head up, eyes wide, and for the first time you were frightened of your husband.  His tone was lethal, words sharp, as his jaw was set, “I would’ve thought you could at least do that when you tell me––”

You took a step backward, “Tell you what?”

For a second the animosity he held in his eyes fell and was replaced with desperation, “Don’t,” his voice cracked for the second time as he sniffled, “Don’t make me say it.”

While you felt your heartbreak at the hopelessness in his tone, he sounded exactly how you felt on the inside.

“Shawn,” you said his name carefully, afraid that if you said one wrong word he would explode like a time bomb, “I––I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He let out a scoff, “Okay, then,” he crossed his arms over his chest and sent you a glare so strong it felt like you were slammed into the wall behind you, “Go on.”

You knew this was something important you had to share with him.  He’s your husband, you thought to yourself, he’s here to protect you––to keep you safe––you should tell him.  But everything about him seemed off.  His stance was guarded, arms stiffly crossed over his chest, as he coldly stared at you.  

“Um, well,” you nervously twisted your sweaty hands together in front of you, “When you were on tour there was this…guy,” you shuddered at the thought of Ethan, ‘And he––There was a situation––”

“Just fucking say it,” He sounded tired, but his words were still powerful, “Fucking say it and then we can be done.”

His words felt like a dagger piercing your chest.  All of the oxygen left your lungs as you were left breathless, hand pressed against your chest to shield you in any way from his dismissive tone, “What?” You gasped out, “Be done with what?”

“You know.”

“I don’t––”

“You,” his hand reached into his over the shoulder travel bag and pulled out a magazine, “Know.” His voice was laced with venom as he threw the magazine at the floor in front of you, “You fucking know.”

Gently, you bent down and picked up the edgeworn magazine, and it automatically opened up to an article.  The pages looked crinkled as if someone had read these pages until they had the words memorized. The top right edge of the glossy paper looked like it had been folded over repeatedly. And you didn’t miss the tear stains that smudged some of the inked words.

You read the bold headline––Trouble In Canada–-over a few times before your eyes darted around the two page spread that contained an article and blurry pictures of you with Ethan; specifically on the last day of class where you were pressed up against him.  The angle of the picture made you look guilty of an act that you never thought of committing against your husband.  Your breath, along with your heart, stopped beating as you glanced up at Shawn before skimming the article.

He misses Y/n––Below, pictures of Y/n and a mystery man have appeared––Everyone around him knows how much he loves his wife––Noticable changed––It’s not going to end well.

It’s not going to end well.

You clenched the magazine in your hand, “Who’s the source?”

“That’s what you’re concerned about?!” Shawn let out a laugh, “Not that I had to find out through my mother texting me a link to an article about how my wife was having an affair?!”

Your eyes widened as the magazine dropped to the ground.  

An affair.  He thought you had an affair.

Your eyes darted back to Shawn’s hands.  He nervously rubbed his thumb along the underside of the finger where his wedding band used to take up space.  He thought you were having an affair with a person who made your skin crawl.

“Who––”

“Does it matter?!” He threw his hands up as he yelled before his voice quieted down, repeating the question under his breath, “Does it matter?”

You shook your head rapidly as you walked forward, wanting to reassure him that the article had it all wrong, “Shawn, that’s not––It’s a shitty tabloid, Ethan isn’t––”

“Don’t,” You stopped walking forward and started walking backward as Shawn angrily pointed a finger at you, words laced with malice, “Say his name.”

You felt your eyes begin to water, chest heaving up and down as your worst nightmare was slowly starting to become a reality, “He’s not––That isn’t––Those pictures are not what it looks like.”

“They seem pretty self-explanatory,” His voice fell in sadness, “I would wait hours to call you––”

“Shawn, listen––”

“Hours,” he cut you off, bottom lip quivering, “to hear about your day.  I would wait hours to hear your voice calm me down because touring is stressful and you were the only person who was capable of calming me down––”

“Were?”

“––Only to find out that you’ve been running around with someone else!”

“You stopped picking up my calls!” Your voice was pleading with him, “I stayed up for hours at night wondering what I did––”

“You were having an affair!” He matched the volume of your yells, “Why would I want to talk to you?!”

He wasn’t listening to you.  It seemed as if he was so caught up in the narrative he created in his head that he didn’t want to listen to you.  He thought it was better to believe the heartbreak of you running into another person’s arms while he was the one who was left in the dust.

“Were you that lonely,” Shawn narrowed his eyes, voice gravelly low, “That you went to someone else? Christ––We have the money that you could’ve used to come out and see me! Or have you had enough of me?”

“Do you even hear yourself––”

“Was being married to me too much?” He let out a sarcastic laugh, “After years together, you can’t even handle a single year of marriage. What ever happened to for better or for worse––”

“I didn’t have an affair!”

You stomped your foot on the ground as if you were a little girl throwing a tantrum.  Your voice was high, throat scratchy from trying to hold back your tears as Shawn threw countless accusations your way.  But when Shawn accused you of making a mockery of your wedding vows to him, that’s when he crossed the line.

The room was silent, your words ringing through the apartment just as loud as the ringing in your ears.  Shawn looked shocked, mouth slightly agape and eyes wide at your outburst.  Never once had you screamed about something so desperately.  But this was your marriage.  This was your marriage to the person you thought would love and trust you until the end of your life.  And you thought he would love and trust you until the end of his life.

“I didn’t,” your bottom lip trembled as you sucked in a breath, a few tears leaking from your eyes, “I would never,” you hastily wiped away the falling tears on your cheek with the heel of your palm, “Do you honestly think that little of me?”

Shawn opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out.  His cruel words still floated around in the air.  After all the love songs he wrote about you not once did you think he was capable of saying words as degrading as the ones he yelled at your face.

“That guy,” you closed your eyes and brought your hands up to your forehead, trying to subdue the raging pain in your forehead from all the yelling, “Was the cooking instructor Jessie and I had for our cooking lessons.”

“I don’t want to know––”

“He,” you cut Shawn off before he could find another way to belittle your feelings, “Wasn’t very…helpful as a teacher.” You bit the inside of your cheek, mirroring Shawn’s position and crossing your arms across your chest as you bounced your leg, “Sometimes he would––”

“God,” the pain in Shawn’s voice struck a chord with you, “Do you really think I want to know what you two did together?!”

You stood there frozen, not being able to wrap your head around the situation you found yourself in with Shawn, as the two of you looked into each other’s eyes with opposite emotions.  

Your eyes were wide as they overflowed with desperation, terrified that your marriage was about to come to an end; they poured over with hurt from the devastating allegations Shawn proposed.

Shawn’s eyes were narrowed at you as they seethed with aggression, on the edge of becoming unhinged at the thought of someone stealing the love of his life right under his nose; they overflowed with untrust.  

But both of your eyes were both filled to the brim with love, not understanding how the person they vowed to love and to treasure for the rest of their lives, could hurt the other so viciously and carelessly.

“He––I’m your wife, Shawn,” you choked on a sob, “I’m your wife and you’re not listening to me!”

“You haven’t said anything!” His eyes were red as he cried right back at you.

“How am I supposed to tell my husband that another man made me feel uncomfortable when he’s accusing me of sleeping with them?!”

Shawn looked like he had more hatred to spew planned out in his head, but once the truth to your story came out, he was at a loss for words.  His shoulders dropped as fast as his face and an audible noise escaped his throat.  

A new wave of tears threatened to spill over as he looked at you, “That’s––What did––What?”

You bit your bottom lip, nodding your head as your eyes refocused on the lack of his wedding band on his finger.  You toyed with the diamond of your engagement ring, “But apparently I had an affair.”

Since the first time he had come back, Shawn was silent.  He was as silent as the moment he walked through the door and said words that shattered your world; we need to talk.  

He was as silent as the day of your wedding, speechless as you walked down the aisle more than ready to spend the rest of your life with him; I love you, he had said through tears, I’ll love you with all my heart until my last breath.

And as you stood in front of him, at a loss of words for yourself, you still wanted him to love you even after accusing you of the most heinous act in a marriage.

Another pregnant pause; your teeth clattered together as you failed to hold back your cries while Shawn’s fists shook at his sides.

Wordlessly, you brushed past him and picked your phone off the counter rushing to the door.  You threw on your converse, only having time to tuck the laces under the tongue, not wanting to spend anymore time in Shawn’s presence.  It felt as if the walls of your marriage was collapsing -––Your lungs were collapsing as you felt sobs blocking your airway––And with each step you took further away from Shawn, you felt your world crumble a little bit more.

You plucked a random jacket from the coat rack and before you even registered Shawn trying to call out your name, you slammed the door shut.  You dug your hands deep in the pockets as the brisk Toronto air hit your face.

Your rings were burning a hole into your skin.

A twenty minute walk on the streets of Toronto would normally relax you, but normally your hand would be hooked around Shawn’s arm as the two of you laughed on your way to a restaurant.  The streets were tainted with memories of him as you rounded the corner of a familiar street.

“Y/n?”

You sniffled as you spoke into the callbox, “Hey–Jessie? Can––Could you buzz me–me–In?”

The sound of the door unlocking brought more comfort to you than your husband had in the past month.

Not being able to stand still in an elevator by yourself, you opted to walk up six flights of stairs.  You had spent countless days at Jessie’s apartment whenever Shawn was away on tour; from when you first started seeing each other, toward the end of his Illuminate Tour, you had spent countless nights sleeping over at her cozy Toronto apartment.  The two of you would stay up late with ice-cream as you scoured every update account to get a glimpse of the boy who would text you after every show saying how he wished you were with him.

You knocked once on the door before it swung open to show a confused Jessie in a bathrobe and facemask, she tilted her head, “Lover’s quarrel?”

You brought a hand up to cover your mouth, but no amount of muffling could cover up the sound of your uncontrollable cries of grief.  Jessie’s eyes widened as she ushered you into her apartment and quickly shut the door as you fell into her arms before she turned the lock of the deadbolt with a soft click.

You stood in the entryway of her apartment, staining your best friend’s shirt with tears, as you gripped onto the back of her shirt for dear life.  Because the lifeline you normally had in your husband was thrown overboard.

Forming a coherent sentence was impossible with the sobs that tore through your chest.  You tried your hardest to say that; no, this wasn’t just a lover’s quarrel, it was something bigger.  It was something bigger than Jessie realized until she was able to decode a sentence that you kept repeating out loud until it became as familiar to you as a prayer.

He doesn’t want to be married to me anymore.

///

A few days had passed since you hastily made an exit from your apartment.  You thought the sinking feeling would leave once you were away from your husband’s presence, but instead, your heart only ached more.

Shawn didn’t have much time left in Canada before he had to head back on the road, and it caused your chest to tighten up every time you thought of him leaving you again.

But why did it matter; you thought to yourself as you were wrapped up in a blanket, knees tucked up to your chest as you leaned on the far side on Jessie’s couch.  Your hands cradled the lukewarm tea, it being the only thing that gave you warmth, he doesn’t want to be married to me anymore.

You’ve only moved from your position on the couch to go walk to the bathroom, your socks gliding on the hardwood floor because you didn’t have the energy to pick up your feet.  

It was lunch time, and just like all other three meals throughout the day, Jessie brought over the meal she prepared you and softly placed it on the coffee table with a meek smile and somber eyes, “Tomato soup.”

You nodded your head and glanced at the soup in the yellow bowl.  You took another sip of your tea.

“Y/n,” Jessie breathed out your name, trying to get your attention, as she knelt down in front of you.  But you continued to stare past her shoulder, eyes focusing on the window as the pitter patter of rain softly hit the glass

She repeated your name once more, a comforting hand on your knee, but you slowly shook your head with a wobble of your chin.  The only time you had spoken to Jessie was when you first arrived at her place and fell into her arms as you sobbed about your ruined marriage.

You were silent, just like Shawn’s communication with you since you fled your home.  

He came home without wearing his wedding ring.

Your hands tighten around your mug, tea now cold, as you bit the inside of your cheek until you tasted something metallic.  You had no verbal answer for her, just a shake of your head as you held your breath, trying to rid yourself of the lump in your throat.

The all too familiar sting behind your eyes crept back like an old friend.  You shut your eyes tight as you gasped out for a breath.

“He’s going to divorce me, Jess.”

Her hand on your knee fell limp as you brought a hand up to cover the choked sob that escaped past your lips, “I love him so much and he’s gonna divorce––”

“He would never do that to you,” Jessie’s voice was confident, something you hadn’t felt about yourself, or your marriage, in months, “He wouldn’t even dream of that.”

You removed your hand from your mouth, a gut wrenching sob shattering through your chest as you tried to wipe away the tears that wouldn’t stop falling, “You didn’t see him––The––The things he said to me,” Jessie took the mug form your hands as you wrapped your arms around your bent legs, tucking your head into your knees, “I’m so scared.”

It was a whisper, but the despair in your voice was not lost on your best friend.  

“I––” Jessie didn’t know how she felt.  She knew she felt her own heart breaking for her best friend––for Shawn as well––because she had been there with them since the start of their relationship.  She was the one who introduced you two. But she also felt anger, a betrayal, deep within her bones that made her blood boil, “––I need to pick up groceries.”

Jessie didn’t want to leave her best friend, but she wanted to pay a visit to the man who broke his promise––to cherish you forever––to her best friend.

She reluctantly stood up, staring down at you with tears in her own eyes, as you kept your head buried between your knees and the blanket.  She knelt down to press a featherlight kiss to the top of your head, whispering, “get some rest.”

She didn’t know if you would listen to her, but she noticed the exhaustion behind the heartbreak in your eyes.  And with a slight nod, you agreed that you needed sleep, readjusted your position on the couch and tried to keep your eyes shut tight so as to not let any more tears stain the blanket.

Once Jessie was positive you were asleep, she slipped on her sneakers and left her place without a jacket.  She needed the cold Canadian air to cool down the heat she felt in her body for being so angry.

The twenty minutes it would normally take her to walk to your apartment took her only thirteen minutes.  Jessie breezed through the lobby, impatiently tapped her foot as she rode the elevator up, and harshly knocked on the door until it was opened by a wide eye Shawn.

“Y/n?” Shawn asked desperately before he even registered who was at the door.

Jessie rolled her eyes and pushed past him, “Do you think she would knock on her own door?”  She scoffed as she looked around the apartment; pillows thrown astray, dishes piled up in the sink, and ruffled blankets on the couch telling her that he hasn’t been sleeping in their bed, “What the hell is your problem?!”

Shawn didn’t register her question as he continued to stare out the door, looking up and down the hallway.  Jessie knew exactly who he was waiting for, and with a sigh, she softened her voice, “She’s not with me.”

His head whipped back to Jessie as if he forgot she was there, “She––Are you––Has she been staying with you?”

All the anger came flooding back into her system as she narrowed her eyes at his question, “You would know if you tried calling her.”

He slowly closed the door and leaned up against it with a defeated sigh, “I knew she didn’t want to hear from me––”

“Are you kidding?” Jessie clenched her fists at her sides in anger, “You were the only person she wanted to hear from.”  

Shawn closed his eyes and rubbed the corners of them, not knowing what to say in response.  Jessie knew she didn’t have to tell him how terrible he acted toward his wife, she could see it with every defeated slump of his shoulders, the way their usually neat apartment was a mess, and his bloodshot eyes.

“How is she?”

Jessie rolled her eyes again, ignoring his question because she knew that he already knew the answer to it, “You have some nerve coming home to her without your ring.”

Shawn’s melancholy composure dropped and she saw his eyes narrow in irritation, “How else was I supposed to react?”  He let out a bitter laugh, “A whole magazine spread came out showing my wife with another man––”

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Jessie walked up to him and poked his chest hard, “What happened to you always telling her not to believe everything she read in the papers about you? Every time you were seen with a different girl, every rumor of ‘sparks flying’ after you sang a duet with a different girl––What about everything she had to put up with with you?””

“That’s different because she knew those weren’t true––”

“So what about this?!” Jessie blew up and threw her hands in the air, “This is no different.  This is the first time she’s been caught up in something like this.”

“She was jumpy the last time I spoke to her on the phone!” Shawn defended himself, “She sounded like she didn’t want me to come home and after I saw those pictures,” Shawn swallowed as he looked down at the floor.  He felt his stomach drop as if he remembered the moment his mother texted him a link to the article.

“Everything just made sense,” Shawn whispered as he shook his head.

There was silence between the two of them for a moment before Jessie spat out, “That’s a weak excuse,” and Shawn raised his head up, eyebrows pulled together, “Did you forget what’s written on the inside of your ring?”

Shawn looked down in shame and shook his head.  He knew exactly what was written on the inside of his ring––with your handwriting––and the same thing was written on the inside of your ring; with his handwriting.

With all my heart.

Out of habit, Shawn brought his fingers to touch his ring finger.  But unlike all the other times the tips of his fingers would softly brush against the ring finger on his left hand in remembrance to you, he didn’t feel the cool metal of his ring.  Just his bare finger.

“How could you?” Jessie’s voice was barely above a whisper.  Shawn wasn’t her husband, so she couldn’t even comprehend the amount of betrayal you felt, but with being his friend since he was thirteen, she was at a loss of words, “For as long as I’ve known you…I’ve never been more disappointed in you in my life.”

Shawn ran a hand through his hair, “Jess––��

Jessie shook her head, “She always let you explain yourself––Most times she didn’t even think twice if you were out with someone else––Because she trusted you.”  Shawn nodded solemnly, “But you didn’t give her the same respect.”

“I know.”

Without sparing his feelings, because Jessie didn’t think he deserved any sympathy, she said words that knew would cut Shawn to his core, “She thinks you’re going to divorce her.”

His mouth dropped, all expressions of guilt left his face, as he stared at his friend.  He didn’t even know what he was feeling.  All he knew was that he swore his heart stopped beating and that the ringing in his ears was becoming relentless.

“She––Why would––That never––“ his hands started shaking, as he felt his eyes well up with tears, because he never wanted to picture his life without you.  His voice cracked, “Divorce?”

With a sharp nod, Jessie crossed her arms over her chest, “Well, when your husband comes home without his wedding ring on, what other conclusion is she going to come to?”

Shawn shook his head, “That wasn’t my––“

“You took your ring off,” Jessie’s eyes looked at his ring finger, noticing a sliver of his finger a share lighter than the rest of his skin tone, “I’m not married, but I know you’re not supposed to do that if you love your spouse.”

“I do love her,” Shawn spoke angrily.

Jessie tapped her foot, “I’m not leaving until you put your ring back on.”  She watched as he dug his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants and pulled out a golden band.  She smiled as Shawn slipped it back into place, “You two need to talk,” she said as if it was the easiest thing in the world, “You need to listen to her because there’s more to those pictures.”

Shawn nodded his head, like he was a kid listening to his mom telling him to clean his room.  He knew they needed to talk, he knew that he messed up, but he was also terrified of what you were going to say to him.  He had never thought of divorcing you, but if the thought was swirling around in your mind…Would you want to divorce him?

“I have to run some errands,” Jessie smiled at the ring that was back in its place on his finger, “I’ll be gone for about an hour–––“

Before Jessie could finish her sentence, Shawn turned around on his heel, running to the front door to fling it open.  She heard his footsteps race down the hall and smiled to herself even more.  

Shawn was lucky that she knew where their spare key was hidden so she could lock up behind her.

///

You knew Jessie waited until she thought you were asleep to leave to pick up groceries.  So you tried your hardest to fake your rest, and when you heard the door softly close behind her, you opened your eyes and continued to stare out the window.  You didn’t have a lot of motivation, sometimes just thinking was too much energy, so you only tried to focus on the sounds of rain hitting the window and the low rumble of thunder you heard.

You don’t know how long you stayed like that for, but you started to get thirsty, and without Jessie here to refill your tea, you had no choice but to make yourself a cup.  Begrudgingly, you sat up, keeping the blanket wrapped around you like a cape, and made your way into the kitchen.  Filling the tea kettle up with water, you placed it on the stove.  Picking at the hangnails on your fingers, you lifted your head up when heard the door abruptly open.

Even if it had been Jessie returning with groceries, you still would have stayed mute upon her re-entry, and when your eyes landed on the person you least expected to see, you still stayed quiet.

He was out of breath, cheeks flushed red as his chest heaved, but you didn’t say a word to him.  You only listened to the low rumble of water boiling in the tea kettle.

He didn’t say anything either.  He was trying to communicate with his eyes; wide and hopeful that you would forgive him for being an idiot.  But you stared at him with a blank expression.

“Did you run here?”

Shawn nodded as he exhaled, “I––Jessie said you were here.”

You quirked an eyebrow, and pulled the blanket tighter around your body.  Not saying anything in response, you diverted your eyes down to the white kettle.

As you stood in the kitchen with your husband, you had never felt more uncomfortable in your life.  You never thought there would be a time you didn’t feel comfortable in his presence, just seeing him through FaceTime would be enough to make you smile; but as you stood in front of him for the first time since you saw him without his ring, you didn’t want to see him.

Your eyes were focused hard on the kettle, channeling all of your anger to the boiling water, “Thought the next time I would hear from you was going to be with Brian serving me divorce papers.”

It was a low blow, and you heard the sharp intake of breath from him, but you didn’t care.  He made you feel like hell for the past month of him ignoring you and then blowing up in your face, not giving yourself a chance to explain your situation to him.

“I would never––You know I would never do that.”

“Do I?” You bit your bottom lip, “I never thought you’d take off your ring.”

That cut Shawn off from saying whatever he planned because you had a point.  He never thought he would take off his ring, but he did.  He took it off, and at the time, he didn’t understand the consequences that would come with it when he returned to you.  He thought he knew everything by just looking at those pictures.  He thought the marriage was over before he stepped foot back into your home.

Hastily, Shawn lifted his left hand, the gold ring was dull under the kitchen lights, “I put–––“ he stopped talking when he saw you lightly touch the kettle with your left hand.  You only brought your hand out of the blanket for half a second, but that half a second was more than enough time for him to realize what the worst sight in the world was, “Your––You took off your rings.”

You retracted your hand back into the blanket and glared at him, “I wasn’t the first.”

“That’s not fair,” Shawn’s words were cold, “There was proof that you could’ve been––”

“Could’ve been what?” You reached up into the cabinet to grab a tea bag, “Cheating on you? Unfaithful? In a relationship with another man––”

“Stop!” He yelled as he pressed his palms against his head, eyes shut tight.  He’d been tortured with the thought of you being with someone else while he was away, he didn’t want to imagine it even more, “Jessie told me that it wasn’t fair to not let you––”

“Oh, so you listened to her and not me?” You shot back at him, forgetting about your tea. “Should I be worried about that?  Hm?  You and Jessie––”

“Now you’re just being over dramatic,” Shawn rolled his eyes.

You felt the anger bubble up in the pit of your stomach like the tea that started to lowly whistle, “No,” you raised your voice to match his, “being over dramatic was taking off your fucking ring––”

“I put it back on!” Shawn yelled as he held up his hand again, pointing to the ring on his finger, “I put it back on for you––”

“That’s rich,” you laughed out, “Because if you hadn’t dodged my calls you wouldn’t have taken it off in the first place.”

He clenched his jaw, “Well, if you didn’t sound like you didn’t want me to come home we wouldn’t be in this mess!”

“If I…” Your voice cracked as you thought back to all the times Ethan made advances on you, where he made you feel uncomfortable, and it was as if you were transported to your last lesson.

With a deep breath, all anger you felt towards your husband disappeared.  You were now more sad than anything else.  Sad that he wasn’t taking time to listen about how those pictures came about.

You repeated yourself with a sniffle, “If I…” you had to pause again, feeling your throat close up because if he wasn’t taking the time to listen for the second time around, would he ever listen to anything?  

“I didn’t know how to tell you about him––How––How uncomfortable he made me feel––”

The rigidness behind his voice cut you off, “I’m your husband, you can come to me with anything, and if he made you uncomfortable, why didn’t you just change instructors?”

“Why didn’t I––What?” The shakiness of your voice was covered up by the tea kettle that was now whistling out of control, “Change instructors––He––Do you even care what he did?”

“That’s not the––”

You brought your left hand up to cover your mouth, you had cried too many times in front of him and you were tired of him not listening to you, “Leave.”

Shawn shook his head, “Y/n, I’m not leaving––”

You felt your chin wobble as you shook your head, vision starting to cloud from the build up of tears in your eyes, “Go––I––I want you to leave.”

He took a step forward, reaching a hand out to comfort you, but the last thing you wanted was for him to comfort you.  

Noticing you recoiling from his touch, he reached over to turn the stove off and poured the hot water into the mug, “I don’t––I’m not home for much longer,” his voice was desperate as he set the kettle back down on the stove top, “I’m home for three more days––Don’t––Please come home.”

You shook your head, “I don’t––You––Leave.”

He stood firmly in place, “Not without you––”

“Go!” You shouted through your tears as you pointed at the door, “I can’t be around you-–you.”  Shawn continued to shake his head, his eyes filling up with tears as you pleaded with him to leave you alone.  

Your next words were cruel, you were taking advantage of how scared he was to lose you, but that didn’t matter to you.  All you wanted was to be alone.

“If you don’t leave now,” your voice had softened but the edge was still there as tears continued to run down your face, “I don’t know what that’ll mean for our marriage.”

He didn’t move an inch, challenging your words, but you kept eye contact with him.  You wanted him to know that you were serious––serious about how him not leaving would be detrimental to your marriage––But in all honesty, you were bluffing.  You didn’t want your marriage to end as much as he didn’t.  But right now…You couldn’t be in the same room as the man you married.

His eyes were wide, not believing the ultimatum you gave him, but he didn’t want to lose you forever.  He took a step toward you, but when you shut your eyes at his movement, his heart broke and he knew the best thing to do was give you what you wanted.  And that was space.  

Your eyes stayed shut as you heard his footsteps grow further away.  You finally opened your eyes when you heard the door close.  Even with how you continuously cried for days, your eyes were not out of tears.

 You felt a new wave of sobs take over your body as you sat on the kitchen floor crying your eyes out with your tea abandoned on the counter.

///

You didn’t go back home and Shawn left for tour again.  

He would be gone for two months until he got the chance to return home to Canada.  It might’ve been selfish of you to ignore his plea for you to return home to him, it would no doubt cause him more stress than usual on tour, but for your sanity you knew returning home would only cause another argument.

You stayed with Jessie for a week longer before coming to the conclusion that you needed to return home.  While your home wouldn’t be complete until Shawn returned, you needed to be back in that space.

Walking into the home for the first time in a few weeks was strange.  It was eerily quiet, but everything looked in place, if not more clean than what you were used to.  Jessie told you that she had seen dishes stacked up in the sink among other things thrown around, so you were glad Shawn had the decency to clean up before he left.

Standing in the doorway, you looked at the bay window you sat in when Shawn returned home that afternoon.  And like a movie, it was as if you could see the whole fight play out; Shawn throwing the tabloid at your feet and then screaming at one another.  The vile words he said to you still hurt to think about, so you looked away from the window that made you fall in love with the apartment.

You slowly walked further into the apartment and everything you saw held a memory.  In the kitchen you saw Shawn trying to distract you from cooking as he did a terrible dance.  In the living room, you saw the couch and thought about the countless times you’d fallen asleep on each other in the middle of a movie.  And in the corner, where there was a little bookshelf and chairs to relax in, you saw yourself reading a book as Shawn sat in the chair opposite of you, trying to perfect a song’s chorus.

Everything coming back in waves was too much, but only a few tears leaked from your eyes.  Most of the memories that came back to you were happy.  They were full of laughter and smiles––Just like how your marriage had been.  They always say how the first fight is the worst, but you didn’t think it could get any worse than this.

Finding yourself in your bedroom, you flicked the lights on, and immediately changed into sweatpants and one of Shawn's shirts.  Part of you wished you returned home before he left, but you knew you weren’t emotionally ready for that.  So you opted for one of his t-shirts to bring you his comfort as he was halfway across the world from you.

You peeled back the covers on his side of the bed, slowly getting under, and bringing the sheets up to your chin.  You buried your head into his pillow and that’s when you lost it.  What if by being selfish and not coming home you had wrecked your marriage? You were both angry, but Shawn took a lot of things to heart, and there was no doubt you knew he felt absolutely crushed that you didn’t return home.

As if he knew you were thinking of him, your phone rang, and you saw the ridiculous selfie he took on your phone when he was nineteen.  You wanted to swipe and answer the call.  You wanted to hear his voice.  But you were scared that he would actually confirm your worst fears and say that your marriage was over.

You screened the call, and right when you were about to put your phone down and cry into his pillow more, his contact picture lit up your screen again.

With a shaky breath, you tried your best to push all your fears down as you answered the call, “Sh––Shawn?”

“Y/n,” he breathed out your name with a sigh of relief, “I––I’m so glad you picked up.”

You nodded your head against the pillow and whimpered, “I––Yeah––I––Sh––Shawn––I––”

“Please don’t leave me,” he shakily breathed out the sentence in one breath, “I don’t know––I––” You could imagine him pinching the bridge of his nose, “I’m such an asshole and this––You––I love you and I can’t––” You heard an ugly sob from the other end of the phone as he whispered out the best he could, “Please––please don’t leave me.”

You felt all of your fears disappear as you let out a little cry of relief, “I love you too.”

“We––We can talk––You can talk,” he corrected himself and it caused you to laugh a little, “When I get home?”

You nodded your head and for the first time, in a long time, you smiled, “I’ll be waiting.”

///

Nearly two months later, you were making yourself a cup of tea as you awaited Shawn’s arrival.  Even though the two of you talked almost every night, conversation was still strained with how you last saw each other; you shouting at him to leave threatening that your marriage could be over if he didn’t.  It was a heavy note to leave off on, but the two of you brushed it under the rug as you would recount what you did during your day and he told you about the show he had performed.

You were nervous––more nervous than you were on your first date with him––but you tried to push those feelings away.  He was your husband.  You both loved each other endlessly.  And it did ease your anxiety a bit knowing that your marriage wasn’t going to end after this conversation.

The sound of a key unlocking your door caused your heart rate to spike as you threw away your tea bag.  He was home and it was time to really talk.

Much like the ill fated day he came home without his ring, he rolled in a small carry-on suitcase and had a black duffle bag slung over his shoulder.  The first thing your eyes went to was his left hand, and even though you had seen it in every picture of him performing on stage, it still brought a smile to your face seeing it on his hand.  While his left sock was raised higher than the right sock, and his t-shirt was still wrinkled, you noticed his hair was a little shorter.

“Did you get a haircut?”

Shawn dropped his duffle bag with a smile as he rolled his eyes and walked into the kitchen, “Do you like it?”  

You nodded your head with a smile as you passed him a freshly made cup of tea as your hands circled your own cup, “Your curls look more tame.”

Shawn laughed into his tea before he took a sip and placed the mug down.  He exhaled a deep breath, tapping his fingers on the sides of the mug like he was playing piano, and gave you a worrisome look, “Can I––Can I hug you?”

Your shoulders dropped at how uncertain he sounded.  But then again, it had been months since you last touched him.  The last time you touched him was before he left for tour the first time; before he took off his ring.

“Yeah,” you croaked out with a nod.

Within a matter of seconds, Shawn’s arms were wrapped tightly around you, hugging you like it was one of his last moments on Earth.  You circled your arms around his waist and your body was immediately flooded with the warmth of his chest.  It had been so long since you had any form of physical contact with him that you almost forgot what a simple hug felt like.

And it was something you never wanted to go months without again.

Shawn pressed a kiss to the top of your head, which made you feel giddy on the inside, before he slightly pulled away, “I––I won’t say a thing,” he whispered as he rubbed his hands up and down your back, “But I think we need to talk.”

The giddiness you felt dissipated and your insides now felt queasy.  You wanted to forget that the past few months had happened.  You tried your best to block it from your memory, but Shawn was right, you needed to talk in order to move forward in your marriage.

So you talked and Shawn didn’t utter a single word.  You explained how Jessie thought cooking lessons would be a good idea to distract you from missing Shawn, how the advances Ethan first made were a joke here and there, but then he started paying more attention to you.  He became hyperfixtated on the way you cut vegetables and how––If you change this and follow me, he would say before lightly touching you and directing your hand movements, you’ll have what you need––trying to add a double meaning to his words.

You could see Shawn’s jaw clench a few times as his knuckles would turn white from how tight he was holding the mug.  While you knew he didn’t like what he was hearing, you were appreciative that he was listening instead of arguing with you like the last time.

“And um––Yeah––So That’s––Yeah.”  You rambled off as you went to touch your wrist that Ethan harshly grabbed a few months ago.  And even though the grease burns on your back were healed, you still felt the itch of them as if they happened yesterday.

After a brief moment of silence, Shawn closed his eyes and let an aggravated breath out through his nostrils, “He…He touched you.”

You nodded your head as you took a sip of your tea, wanting to delay any sort of response for as long as you could, “Yeah,” But with his eyes staring into yours, you knew he wasn’t going to let you skip over any detail, “Those, um––That picture in the magazine…That’s when the grease spilled on my back.”

Shawn rubbed his hands over his eyes, he was no doubt exhausted from traveling, and it probably didn’t do him any good hearing this story, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

What was different than before the times you tried to talk to him about this, his voice wasn’t accusatory;  It was careful.  Careful in the sense that he didn’t want you to think he was upset with you.  Because the situation wasn’t your fault and he knew that.  

“You’re already so stressed with your job,” you looked down into your empty mug, “I didn’t want to add any stress.”

Shawn reached his hand across the counter and unwrapped one of your hands from your mug.  He laced your fingers together and held your hand tightly, “I’m your husband,” he weakly smiled at you, “The music, touring, writing––None of that is a real job––My my job to worry about you.”

While he sounded a bit defeated, you knew that he meant well.  You knew that he was only upset with himself because you were scared to go to him with something that made you uncomfortable.  He always wanted to be your person to go to whenever you felt yourself in a weird situation, and in this instance, he thought that he failed at that part of being your husband.

So you squeezed his hand back in reassurance, “I know you’re not going to forget about this,” he raised an eyebrow at you because you knew he was never going to forget this disastrous fight or forget about what Ethan did to you, “But for now, can we forget about it and take a nap?”

With a shake of his head, he let out a chuckle, “You’re right that I’m not going to forget about this,” he said as he lifted your connected hands over your mug as he pulled you out of the kitchen and down to your bedroom, “But a nap sounds fantastic.”

And for the first time in months, you walked to your bedroom with a lovesick smile on your face, trailing behind the man you fell in love with more every day you shared together.

///

FOUR MONTHS LATER

“You’re really not going to tell me where we’re going?” You laughed as you tightened your hold around Shawn’s arm, “This isn’t fair!”

“It’s a surprise,” he smirked as he continued to lead the way down the streets of Toronto.  

It was a peaceful day in the capital city of Ontario.  The sun was shining, birds chirping, and you were arm-in-arm with your husband.  He had just finished the last leg of his world tour and you couldn’t be more proud of everything he accomplished.  Luckily enough, you were able to join him on tour for the last two months, and spent your first wedding anniversary in Napa, California the day before his show in Sacramento.

It was definitely an ideal way to spend your first year married to Shawn––drinking wine––And everyone congratulated you on getting through what was dubbed to be the “hardest” year of marriage.  That was the understatement of the century. And both you and Shawn would always brush off everyone joking about it because they didn’t know how hard of a year it really was.  

The whole debacle with the tabloid magazine was mostly swept under the rug, and you just told your families and the people on Shawn’s team he was closest to, that it was just a misunderstanding; A tabloid that took things way out of proportion. The only people who really knew how devastating the year had been was you, Shawn, and Jessie.

Sometimes there would be a thought in the back of your head about how detrimental another fight like that could be to your marriage.  But you always tried to shut those thoughts down as soon as possible and just focus on the good things in your life.  And right now, that was Shawn leading you to a surprise location, because he thought the two of you needed another anniversary celebration.  

“I––I’ll…” Your voice trailed off as you walked down the familiar strip of shops, “After you’ve fallen asleep, I’ll take your socks off.”

Shawn threw his head back in laughter at your poor attempt to get him to spill the surprise, “Impossible because you always fall asleep before me.”

“Fair,” you let out a sigh, “I still think it’s weird you sleep with socks on.”

“I thought we agreed to disagree on that.”

“It’s just,” you squeezed his bicep, at a loss of words, “infuriating.”

Shawn smiled brightly down at you before quickly pressing a kiss to your cheek, “But you still married me.”

With a roll of your eyes you softly hit him in the stomach, “Yeah, yeah…” But when you turned a corner, you knew why these shops were so familiar, and you almost stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, “What are we––Shawn?”

He looked back at you with a sheepish smile and a shrug of his shoulders.

“Shawn,” you hesitantly said his name again, “What're you planning?”

Again, he shrugged his shoulders, “You know how terrible I am in the kitchen,” he glanced back at the place where you took your cooking lessons when he was away on tour.  And for a moment, the playfulness dropped from his face as he seriously looked into your eyes, “If you’re not comfortable going back in there, we can always get coffee across the street.”

You mentally made a pros and cons list in your mind.  You hadn’t been in the place you received your cooking lessons since you stormed out of there.  And as far as you knew, Ethan still worked there, which made your skin crawl.  But you were with Shawn.  Shawn would be by your side the whole time.  And you were curious to see what he had up his sleeve.

“I mean…I’m fine with it,” your voice wavered.  He raised his eyebrows, silently asking you if you were actually fine to go back in there, because he didn’t want to push you with something you weren’t 100-percent on.  So you cleared your throat and repeated yourself, “I’m fine going in, but…I think he’s supposed to be teaching today?”

A wicked smile spread across Shawn’s face, “Three o’clock couple’s cooking class with Ethan Anguis.”

Your mouth dropped and you couldn’t help but let out a loud laugh, “You did not.”

Shawn smirked, “I do believe we have to check-in in ten minutes before we lose my deposit.”

You shook your head because you could not believe how ridiculous your husband was, “Lead the way.”

With a gleam of mischief in his eyes, he smiled as he bent over with his arm stretched out as he opened the door for you.  You let out another laugh as he followed you into the familiar classroom.  You were standing behind a few other couple’s but once you heard his voice, your hand instinctively gripped onto Shawn’s tighter.

He looked down at you, again, silently asking you if you were comfortable with this.  You nodded, and before you knew it, you were face-to-face with the man who had caused your marriage to be hell for a few months.  

Ethan was looking down at the check-in book, not realizing you were in front of him, before Shawn cleared his throat, “Mr. and Mrs. Mendes.”

His head shot up as he ignored Shawn’s presence entirely and only had eyes for you.  You shifted closer into Shawn’s side as Ethan sent a smile your way, “Y/n, it’s nice to see you––”

“Do you always refer to your student’s by their first name?” Shawn didn’t hide the malice in his voice, he wanted Ethan to know that you were just a student. 

Ethan’s eyes darted to Shawn for a brief second, before his eyes flickered down to your hands clasped together, and you swore you saw him glaring at your hands before he tried to compose himself before answering Shawn’s question, “She––I’ve had her in class before.”

“Then you should be used to calling her Mrs. Mendes.”

Ethan’s eyes hardened at the protectiveness of Shawn’s words as he nodded his head once, “We’ll be at table six––”

Shawn stepped forward until his lower stomach was basically toppling over the weak wooden podium, “If you do anything to make her feel uncomfortable again,” his low and threatening voice sent a shiver down your spine as he insinuated what he had done in the past, “I swear you’ll never work in a restaurant in Toronto again.”

You noticed how Ethan’s jaw clenched as his face began to turn red.  You didn’t know if it was red out of embarrassment or anger, but you didn’t want to stick around to find out.

“We’ll be at table six,” you said as you dragged Shawn by the hand.

You made it to your table and you couldn’t help but smile up at Shawn who had a proud smirk on his face, “What are you doing?”

The two of you sat down on the barstools as you waited for everyone else to get checked in.  Shawn moved his stool closer to yours so that you could sit side-by-side, thighs touching, as he threw an arm over your shoulder and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of your lips, “Just tryna cause a little trouble.”

You rolled your eyes as you rested your head on his shoulder, “I love you.”

Shawn smiled brightly down, “And I love you,” his attention was briefly pulled away when Ethan called out that the lesson would be beginning shortly.  When he returned his gaze back down to you, he smiled softly, noticing that your eyes had never left him, “With all my heart.”

taglist: @fallinallincurls @alina--jpeg @adelaidestreets @5-seconds-of-mendes @particularnarry @now-that-i-saw-u @turtoix​ @shawnsmutal @vinylmendes @mendesficsxbombay @lights-on-mendes @illuminatepotter @shawnmendez @thatkidwhodreams 

[oatssehun]

Special Chapter Pt. 2

GREEN GRASS MASTERLIST

Warning: angst, cursing, mentions of death

—————

“I’m here, I’m here!” donghyuck exclaimed the moment she got into Y/N’s apartment but taeyong just shushed him and pointed at the sleeping Y/N.

“What exactly Happened hyung?” hyuck asked taeyong... moments after taeyong explained what happened Y/N has woken up but the she immediately shuts her eyes as her head hurts. Hyuck got up to grab a water then once hyuck was out of the room taeyong asked Y/N “He doesn’t know a thing does he?”

“He knows about Jonghyun and Lucas but not in detail.” Y/N answered as she was trying to sit up with taeyong assisting her. “Are you willing to tell him?” Y/N had the confused look in her eyes, she was debating wether to tell him or not to but then she realized that Hyuck was so open to her about everything and she started to feel guilty about keeping something from him.

“I’ll tell him.” Y/N said, taeyong just nodded and held her hand. “Tell who what?” Y/N gestured hyuck to come closer to her and hyuck gave her the water, after she drink the water she started to explain what really happened in the past.

•Major Flashback•

Y/N and Jonghyun have been friends since they were child, they radiate typical sibling energy rather than other romantic friendships, theirs was special. But then when both of them got into relationships they rarely hang out, especially Y/N with Lucas since both of them are varsity. Jonghyun on the other hand is also a Volleyball varsity and is one of the best scorers of the team.

The pressure of being Y/N’s best friend who is known as the best player of her generation was a lot, it doesn’t hit him until they went to the same college where he met another girl while Y/N was still with Lucas but was also obviously cheating behind her back with some other cheerleader.

“I bet my favorite SHINee album he’s cheating!” Jonghyun was talking to Y/N and trying to kick some sense out of her but she remained stubborn. “I wish I was wrong tho. I’m not the type to be all dramatic but i hate to see you cry.” He said while looking at Y/N’s eyes.

“I know he’s cheating. I caught him, I left him and never let him explain. He’s been calling me for the past few days asking to meet up, i don’t know what to do, Jonghyun.” Jonghyun’s eyes was burning with anger as he saw a tear drops from his best friend’s eyes, he wanted to beat up Lucas. “Promise me that you’re not gonna answer his calls.” She just looked at him with hesitation in her eyes and didn’t respond, He was about to say something but his phone rang, he excused himself.

“Hey Mom? Why did you call, is there something wrong?” His mom never calls him neither did she care. “Your dad and I are having a divorce. Come home already so that we could settle this thing immediately.” The news shocked him, He wanted to cry, He wanted to scream but he didn’t because Y/N was there. “I need to go home real quick Y/N, Mom just called me said there was an emergency. I’m sleeping over later okay? don’t do anything dumb.” He kissed her forehead as she nodded and said that she’ll wait for him.

When he finally got out of her apartment alone into his car is where he cried, his parents where never really okay with each other, he sees his dad and mom argue almost every day, He was just 19, he doesn’t know what to do. As he got home and got everything settled with, he immediately changed his clothes only to go back to Y/N who’s waiting for him.

Few days later when they were at the school he was called by the sports director and said that he’s failing almost all of his subjects and was temporarily removed from the volleyball varsity not until he passed his subjects. Having fail grades, getting kicked out of the team, parents divorcing, he wanted to explode. He begged the directors and staff not to tell Y/N specifically about his situation. “Heyyy u okay?” Y/N approached him with a lollipop on her mouth. “I told you to stop eating those, those are made out of magic sugar and artificial flavoring.” she just rolled her eyes at him while giggling.

September 15, 2019 he was at his apartment alone, overthinking things, he’s hurt, sad, embarrassed, angry he’s feeling every single sort of emotion, he wanted to end everything. He wanted the pain to end, he doesn’t wanna be a burden anymore. But then he thinks of Y/N, what will she do? what will she feel? will she be okay?

•End of flashback•

“Then by the time I got there police were outside his apartment, they were pulling something from the ceiling and when I saw it, my heart broke into million fucking pieces. Thinking that i should’ve just came over the moment he told me to, I shouldn’t have waited for Lucas. While the were recovering his body I can remember every single moment we had together. All our ups and downs, all our championships and loses. I was too blinded by love to the point that I didn’t even notice that I’m starting to lose my best friend. I only knew everything he’s been going through after he passed away. His parents told me about their divorce and how sorry they where that things happened, Jung-woo told me about his grades and him getting kicked out of the team. I cant help but to blame myself for everything, it was my responsibility as his best friend to comfort him the way he comforts me. But I let him kill himself.” Taeyong pulled Y/N to his arms while hyuck is still processing everything he just heard.

“It’s not your fault, baby. It will never be your fault and if ever Jonghyun was here he’ll agree with me. You know that.” Hyuck just stare at Y/N’s face that is buried on Taeyong chest. “Love, Taeyong hyung is right. It’s not you fault.” Y/N slowly peeked through donghyuck then jumped unto his arms. Hyuck plays with her hair while humming a soft melody that luckily put her to sleep.

pt. 1

Taglist:

@wanlore, @patchi-chi, @artfulbarnes, @notbeforelong🦋🦋

[littlemindblabbles]

On-screen, Off-screen

Pairing: Jun x Y/N

Summary: You’re given the once-in-a-lifetime opportuinity to act in a music video alongside your idol, Wen Junhui. But is he really as nice in real life as he is on screen?

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 (final)

Jun seemed determined not to bring up any indication that the morning’s events even took place. He continued acting like your costar/friend, making jokes with you but still going through the afternoon scenes with you. Meanwhile, it was torturing you. You didn’t know how to look at him without thinking of his lips on yours, as well as the caring, almost loving, look he gave you during his ‘confession’. But as all good things come to an end, tomorrow was the last day of filming and after that, you’ll never have to see Jun in real life again. Technically, this should work out in your favour, your one-sided feelings for him would turn back into just an infatuation, and you don’t have to worry about him breaking your heart by rejecting you. 

You continued about your day mostly on autopilot, not wanting to let out too many emotions lest Jun finds out your true feelings towards him. He seemed to notice though, asking you if you were alright throughout the day. 

“Jun, really I’m fine. Please just go do your own things, I’m sure you’re really busy. I’ll see you tomorrow, last day whoo!” Ugh, even you could tell your enthusiasm was fake as hell. Jun obviously didn’t seem convinced.

“Well okay, even though I really don’t believe you. But hey, if this was about this morning’s stuff. Sorry, I didn’t say anything about it but I thought it would lessen the awkwardness. But don’t take anything too seriously, it was all for show don’t worry. Forget it ever happened.” The more Jun talked, the more he was breaking your heart into millions of pieces. As much as you expected it, the outright rejection even before you confessed hurt so freaking much. 

Struggling to hold back your tears, you gave a small smile nodded, and ran out the door, ignoring the calls of Jun from behind you.

-

You couldn’t help it, you decided to close off your emotions while going to work the next day. You didn’t want to admit it, but you spent a large majority of your evening the previous day crying your heart out. It was stupid, falling for someone you knew you would never have a chance with, but you let yourself have a night of self-pity and giving into your emotions.

However, Jun, being ever observant, noticed the drastic change in your behaviour. The two of you usually spent your breaks together, joking with the stylists or going through scenes, but when you tried to excuse yourself to go to your private dressing room for the third time today, he caught your arm at the last minute and pulled you back, frowning.

“Don’t even try to bullshit me anymore Y/N. I am really hurt you think I’m an idiot. What is going on? Why are you acting like this?” You pulled your arm away from his hand, ignoring the feeling you got while he was touching you. You gave a nervous laugh which you hope was convincing as your mind raced through different excuses to see which was the most believable.

“I’m not trying to test your stupidity, Jun. I really am okay, I guess I’m currently feeling a bit weird because you know, it’s our last day and since it’s my first ever acting role, I’m gonna miss it. Didn’t think I’d get attached this quickly but I did.” You sigh out, only half lying. You were gonna miss coming to set every day, and of course, working with everyone here. 

Fortunately, Jun seemed to believe you. He smiles and pats your head as though you were a child. You inwardly cringed, nothing hurts more than your crush thinking of you as a little sister or something. But your director saved you from making any more (very awkward) conversation by calling the both of you to the next scene. 

“And with that, thank you, everybody, it’s a wrap!” Everyone around you started cheering, some of the staff even brought out a small cake for Jun and you. You couldn’t help but shed a few tears, you couldn’t believe your once-in-a-lifetime opportunity was coming to an end. Jun noticed you crying and placed an arm around you, letting you hide your face in his chest. The staff all aww-ed at the sight of the both of you, and you continued hiding your face so that everyone couldn’t see your blushing face. 

“Okay, let’s all head to eat dinner together, one last time, and here’s the best part: it’s on me!” Yelled the director and everyone began to celebrate. One by one they made their way out of the room, indistinct chatter getting louder. You called out just as the last few people were leaving, Jun included. 

“Hey, not trying to be a party pooper but you guys go ahead. I had a bad night and I’m really tired. I’ll head home to catch up on sleep. Don’t worry I’ll meet you guys another time. Have fun!” You gave a small smile and gestured at them to leave. Jun looked like he was about to object and say something, but studied your face for a second then decided not to and left. 

Once you no longer heard the sound of footsteps, you finally let out all the emotions which had been plaguing you for the entire day. This would be the last time you’ll ever be here, and you wanted to put aside your feelings together with the whole experience. Just give me this moment to be weak, I’ll never cry over him after. 

“Y/N?” A voice cuts through your mini sobbing party. You panic, trying to wipe your tears dry and come up with a reasonable explanation as to why you were having a breakdown in the middle of the set. To your absolute horror, the voice belonged to Jun. 

Unable to take it anymore, you started crying again. However, this time you were crying so hard it was really ugly sobs and heaving because you were losing the ability to breathe properly. 

“Y/N please, don’t cry. What happened, I promise I’ll help you fix it. Everything would be okay. I know this feeling is sad, but I’m sure you’ll have more opportunities in the future, and it’s not like you can’t meet these people again. Please stop crying, it hurts me so much to see you like this.” Jun was hugging you, there was no denying the arms around your chest. He was running his hands up and down your back, trying to soothe you and you swear he just kissed your hair. 

Instead of helping you, you broke down into even harder crying. How? How does he act so well? From his actions, you desperately want to think that Jun cares, but your brain tells you not to ignore reality. Jun really seems concerned now, and since you kind of want to remain friends with him, you try your best to calm yourself down. 

“Uh. sorry about that. I’m sorry you had to see me like this. I thought you went for dinner?” You attempted to give a smile, but in all your tears, it was pathetic at best. Jun looked even more pained and hugged you tighter. Ignoring the ache in your heart, you continued. “You know me, just being all emotional. I mean you probably are used to it, but it’s all so new to me. And I may not get another opportunity like this. I don’t think I’m that lucky.” 

“Y/N please, I know that isn’t the main reason as to why you’re crying as though someone broke your heart.” You grimaced, how could he guess so easily and see right through you? Jun immediately noted your reaction and continued, “So I’m correct, someone did break your heart. Who is it? Is it one of the people who worked with us? I swear I’ll kill him.”

“Stop it!” You scream, finally having enough. Jun looks shocked and takes a small step away from you, his arms leaving your shoulders where he was rubbing them comfortingly. “How cruel can you be? You’re an amazing actor I know, but isn’t it a bit too mean? To play with my feelings like this? If this is how you wanna treat me then I’d rather you treat me with that cold indifference you had on the first day we met. At least then I’d know my feeling for you are completely one-sided and stupid. At least let me move on alright since I won’t ever see you again.” Now it’s Jun’s turn to look confused. He takes another step towards you and uses his hand to lift your face which was looking at the floor.

“Wait, did you just confess to me? You like me too? I thought I was the crazy one for feeling that way for you, how could anyone like me after I treated them like shit, especially on the first day they meet their idol. I meant everything I said yesterday during filming. Seeing you run off to cry during the spinning affected me a lot more than I thought it would. So I decided to let down my barriers for once and help you out. From there, falling for you was so natural, but I felt like an idiot for saying not to get any ideas, so I tried to brush off my confession. I didn’t want you to feel burdened by my words and feelings, so I thought pretending nothing happened would be the best course of action. Apparently, I was very wrong though.” Towards the end of his speech, Jun’s smile slowly got bigger as he tugged you closer and closer towards him, his arms around your waist. 

“So can we do this now for real?” He shyly asks before pecking you softly on your lips. 

Your face turns crimson red and you hug him tighter, burying your face into his chest. Jun laughs adorably and the vibrations of his chest cause you to look back up at him. Then he scratches the back of his neck and Wen Junhui looks nervous?

“You know, the reason why I keep my life private, was because I didn’t want the media to find out all these embarrassing things about me. Like how I’ve never actually dated anyone before and therefore I am completely lost in the relationship department.” He grins sheepishly in the end, causing your entire heart to explode. 

The both of you agree to take things slow, it’s not like you had that much experience either. For starters, you were gonna go for the team dinner tonight. As a couple. (In secret of course) 

Jun stretches his arms out, indicating to the door. However, the moment you grabbed it, he pulls you back into the warmest hug ever. The both of you stay like that for a long time, enjoying how it felt to be in each other’s arms for real finally. 

He then kisses you lightly, blushing hard. Before you could even react, he says “Race you!” and runs out of the door. Smiling, you started running to keep up with him.

- 

It’s been a month since you got together, but today standing next to him your nerves were still spiraling out of control. Why? Because you were currently holding on to your boyfriend’s arm on the red carpet premiere of said boyfriend’s new movie. It was your first-ever red carpet event and furthermore, it was the first public appearance of both of you together. Sensing your nervousness, Jun placed his arms over yours and gave you a reassuring smile. 

“Jun-ssi, can you tell us about the beautiful lady on your arm tonight? If I am not mistaken, she was your co-star from the recent MV you filmed?” Jun smiled at the interviewer, that charismatic smile that made you fall in love with him through a screen all those years ago. You still couldn’t believe the fact that you were looking at it in real life really. Jun looked at you again before answering, his eyes never leaving yours.

“Yes, this is Y/N, she’s so amazingly talented and I had no choice but to fall for her while I was filming. She makes me want to be a better person every day.” 

Would the ground just swallow you up, you couldn’t handle what Jun was saying to millions of people worldwide. The interviewer actually looks surprised at his response, you’re sure he was expecting Jun to deflect the question as usual. He quickly regains his composure, and actually turns to you. 

“Hi Miss Y/N, pleasure to meet you this evening, now I’m sure everyone is dying to know more about you. Would you like to say a few words?” After a reassuring squeeze from your boyfriend, you started out shakily before gaining more confidence. 

“Uh, hi everyone, I’m Y/N. I just started acting with the MV I shot with Jun butttt, I do have a mini web series coming up next month on Viu and many more exciting projects lined up! Hope you’ll all anticipate them and also please support Jun’s new movie today!” You smiled at the end and bowed towards the camera. 

Once you stood up again, Jun took you by surprise, kissing you sweetly at the side of your head and grins. 

“That’s my girl.”

THE END

Note: Aaaaaargh, finally done with this mini series! This was a really loooong chapter but I really had to get their story out! Please check out my other fics here :)

[milo-my-beloved]

chapter six of stupid things!

Read on AO3 // Playlist // Buy me a coffee?

Wylan and Jesper took a cab home, leaving Kaz and Inej to find their own way home and a very disgruntled Matthias to deal with them. They giggled the entire way back to Jesper’s apartment, imagining increasingly ridiculous and complex methods that Nina’s boyfriend might come up with to get the two to go home.

Wylan insists on paying for the taxi, since Jesper had declared that he should stay the night. They tumble through the door, laughing at the possibility of Matthias locking their friends in an aquarium overnight, and collapse onto the couch, Wylan’s head cradled on Jesper’s chest.

“We should get up,” Jesper says, not moving. “Put pajamas on, or something.”

Wylan just snuggles closer to his chest. “Will you put a movie on?”

Jes smiles down at the sleepy man cuddled up to him and runs his hands through his curls. “Sure thing, sunshine. But I’m picking.”

By the time the opening credits of Star Wars have finished, Wylan is quietly snoring against Jesper’s chest. By the time the Death Star explodes, Jesper has followed suit, both of them pressed against each other, only visible thanks to the full moon outside the window.

{o0o}

One of the things Jesper loves the most about Wylan is the mystery that surrounds him. The only person he’s met that is more skilled at dodging questions is Kaz, and that’s half of his personality. Wylan is nowhere near as good at lying, but Jesper doesn’t push it when he clearly doesn’t want to answer a question. With anyone else he might have, but he really doesn’t want to lose the man who he’s grown so attached to.

Maybe Drunk Jesper has made one good decision. But that’s about it.

One of the few things that Jesper has managed to figure out about his boyfriend is that he’s secretly rich, and embarrassed about it. He always wears quality clothes - soft, cashmere jumpers and dress shirts and fancy shoes - and he insists on paying for a lot of things they do together, but he always blushes whenever Jesper teases him for it.

Actually, Wylan blushes quite a lot. It’s one of Jesper’s favourite things about him.

When they wake up on Saturday morning to the sunlight streaming through the window, they’re still packed tightly together. Jesper’s arm is stiff from being curled protectively around Wylan, who has apparently spent the night drooling on Jesper’s shirt.

If it was anyone else, it would be disgusting, but Jesper finds it strangely endearing.

“Morning, sunshine,” he greets, smiling to himself as Wylan yawns and stretches. “How did you sleep?”

He mumbles an unintelligible response against Jesper’s chest before turning and burying his face back into the crook of his arm. Jesper laughs quietly, but he brings his hand up to cup Wylan’s head and gently strokes his hair.

“For all that drool you’ve managed to get on my chest, you’d better plan an excellent date,” Jesper teases, but Wylan doesn’t respond, already fast asleep again.

{o0o}

Wylan has never been a fan of surprises. Everything in his life has always been planned; from his wardrobe to his meals to what he is supposed to be in life. That’s why he messages the group chat on Wednesday with his plans, rather than leaving it as a surprise like everyone else seems so fond of doing.

Wylan: I know what we’re doing on Friday :D

Inej: and you’re gonna tell us???

Wylan: yes :DDD

Kaz: unheard of

Wylan: I got us tickets to the new exhibit at Ketterdam Museum!!!

Jesper: wat

Inej: awesome! what’s it on?

Wylan: fossils, I think :)

Jesper: there better be a gift shop

He smiles to himself, looking down at his phone as he checks the museum website. Huh. There is a gift shop.

{o0o}

Kaz and Inej mention something vague about going to dinner before meeting them at the museum, so Wylan and Jesper make their own way. Wylan calls them a taxi, smiling to himself as Jesper complains about their friends the entire way there.

“All I’m saying is that it’s rude!” he exclaims, flapping his arms about for emphasis. “It’s called a ‘double date’ for a reason, there’s supposed to be two couples there.”

Wylan hums noncommittally.

“If they were just getting a different ride there then I guess I could understand that, but to go out for dinner first? That’s, like, a whole activity that they’re doing without us!”

“You’re here,” the driver interrupts as they pull up to the front of the museum building.

“Thank you,” Wylan says, handing over the money. “And Jes, how about we go out for dinner afterwards? Just us, I mean.”

Jesper pouts as he climbs out the car. “I already ate.”

“I’m sure you can find room,” Wylan replies, rolling his eyes fondly. “Look, there’s Kaz and Inej.”

Sure enough, their two friends are waiting on the steps outside the museum, huddled together with Kaz’s cane propped up beside them. Inej spots them as they start to approach and stands up, waving frantically to catch their attention while Kaz shakes his head at her antics.

Wylan tugs the corner of Jesper’s sleeve, waving back with his other hand. “Come on!”

Jesper rolls his eyes. “Can we just pretend we don’t know them and go get food now?”

“I thought you ate already?”

“Oh, piss off.”

Wylan grins widely when they finally reach them, brandishing the four tickets in front of him like magician asking ‘is this your card?’ Jesper snatches one out of his hand before anyone gets the chance, Kaz and Inej taking theirs in a much more dignified fashion.

For all their excited chatter as they head towards the entrance, Jesper has to admit, a trip to a museum has never been on his list of dream dates. Or vaguely acceptable dates. Or a day out with his friends. At best, he decides, he might have gone on a school field trip, but mostly only to get out of doing much work for a day.

The foyer of the building is impressive, even by his standards, but he still doesn’t feel nearly as excited as Inej or Wylan. (It’s hard to tell what Kaz is feeling at any given moment, but Jesper is fairly sure he has never seen him excited.) It’s only after they hand their tickets over to a kind attendant and round the corner that Jesper stops in his tracks and stares ahead, his mouth wide open.

“Is that… a dinosaur?” he asks, completely rooted to the spot.

No one bothers dignifying his question with a response, all of them too busy staring at the huge creature standing before them. Of course, it is just bones, but there is still something incredible about being so close to an animal that has been dead for millions of years.

Of all of them, Wylan seems to be the least affected.

“It’s the first T-rex to be displayed in Ketterdam for over a hundred years!” he exclaims in a hushed tone, smiling at the awed expressions on his friends’ faces. “I think his name is Titus.”

“Woah,” Inej says, stepping towards it. “It’s huge!”

“Twelve feet tall,” Wylan responds with a smile.

“How come you know so much already?” Kaz asks, his eyes wandering around the rest of the room.

“I booked the tickets, remember. I looked at the website.”

“Kaz!” Inej exclaims, grabbing his gloved hand and pointing across the room with her other hand. “Look, they have an interactive section.”

Even as the other two disappear around a corner, Wylan and Jesper stay rooted to the spot. It takes a few minutes for Jesper to get over his original shock of being face-to-face with a twelve-foot tall dinosaur, but when he does, he practically starts vibrating on the spot.

“Wy, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me we were gonna see actual dinosaurs! This is so freaking cool,” he exclaims, slowly walking around Titus to get a better look at his side.

“I did!” Wylan protests, smiling at the look of awe on Jesper’s face. “I told you the exhibit is on fossils.”

“I thought we were gonna go see a load of musty rocks with weird shapes in them, not a T-rex!”

Wylan just laughs, squeezing Jesper’s hand. “I didn’t know you were such a fan of dinosaurs.”

“Come on, man,” Jesper protests. “Jurassic Park is one of my favourite movies of all time.”

“Hopefully, these ones don’t come to life,” Wylan quips, and Jesper giggles, dragging him around the rest of the exhibit.

{o0o}

After Jesper has read every single piece of information there is to read (in a range of funny voices) to Wylan, and every corner of the museum has been explored, they decide it’s time to call it quits.

“Shall I call a cab?” Kaz asks as they head towards the museum entrance.

“Not for us,” Wylan replies, squeezing Jesper’s hand. “We’re gonna stay out in town for a while longer.”

“Alright,” he says, fishing his phone out of his pocket and stepping away as he calls the taxi company.

Inej smiles at them, bringing them both into a tight hug. “Thanks for organising this, Wylan! I had fun.”

He blushes. “It was my pleasure. I’ll say goodbye to you now, though - I just need the toilet before we go.”

“See you next week,” she replies, squeezing them both tightly before pulling away.

“Bye,” he says, before turning to Jesper. “Go and wait with them - I’ll only be five minutes.”

“Alright,” Jesper replies, kissing the top of his head. “You better not leave me for too long, though. It’s rude to keep your hot date waiting.”

“Is it, now?” Wylan laughs, turning away and hurrying down the corridor. He heads in the right direction until they are out of sight, before doubling back the way he came and darting into the gift shop instead.

It only takes a minute or two of browsing before he grabs what he’s looking for. He takes it to the counter, smiling, rummaging through his jacket for his wallet.

“Is this all, sir?” the lady behind the till asks.

“Yes, thank you. It’s a present for my boyfriend,” he replies, blushing slightly.

She smiles warmly, her eyes crinkling. “That’s so sweet! Here, if it’s a gift, I’ll wrap it up for you.”

Wylan watches as she deftly wraps it in orange wrapping paper, humming to herself as she works. “Thank you.”

He hands over the right amount of kruge as she passes him the wrapped gift, which he slides into his inside pocket.

“I hope he likes it, sweetie.”

“Me too,” he replies, thanking her again as he rushes out the door to meet back up with Jesper.

{o0o}

They end up going to a fish and chip shop and finding a bench in a nearby park to sit on while they eat.

“Wy, these have to be the best chips I’ve ever eaten,” Jesper declares, still chewing.

“I can tell,” Wylan remarks, raising an eyebrow at the (bordering lewd) noises Jesper makes while eating. “Oh, by the way, I got you something.”

Jesper’s head snaps up. “Dessert?”

“No,” Wylan laughs, fishing the small parcel out of his pocket. “I got you a present.”

Jesper swallows the food in his mouth and wipes his greasy hands on his jeans before carefully taking the parcel from Wylan. He unwraps it gently, laughing when he realises what it is.

“So there was a gift shop after all. When did you get this?”

“When I said I needed the loo,” Wylan admits, wringing his hands in his lap.

Jesper turns the fridge magnet over in his hands, running his fingers over the writing. ‘I survived a T-rex encounter!’

“Thank you,” he says, suddenly finding it a little hard to speak. “That’s really nice of you.”

Wylan shrugs. “It was like, five kruge. You don’t have to thank me.”

Jesper laughs, blinking away the wetness in his eyes as he leans over to whisper something in Wylan’s ear. “I have to tell you a secret though.”

Wylan frowns. “What?”

Jesper smiles down at him. “I don’t have a fridge,” he admits, giggling.

“Wha- how do you not have a fridge?”

He shrugs. “Jesper skills. Now shut up and kiss me.”

Wylan is more than happy to oblige.

tag list (ask to be added or removed!) :D

@hrtbreakprincess / @tooindecisivetopickaurl / @kazcoded / @saltyfortunes / @just2bubbly

[suga-honey-icedtea]

“you’ve been hiding something from me, haven’t you?” with red velvet's seulgi please? thank you! i love your writing so much, from now on, i'll stick with you til' the end uwu call me 🐰 anon

oh my gosh thank you so much 🥺🥺 you’re absolutely one of the sweetest people ever lil bun anon thank you so much for your support! i really hope you like this uwu also i’m so sorry it’s so long! i got a little carried away 😅😅

------------------------------------------------------

 “What’re you doing?” Seulgi’s voice boomed across the room, making Y/N jump from the sudden shock. Their head quickly turned to face Seulgi, a sheepish smile already forming as they continued to inch toward the door.

 “I’m just going out with Yeri and Sooyoung!” Y/N quickly answered back, inching closer to the door than they had been when Seulgi caught them. Seulgi frowned at the answer, her mouth falling open to say something further before she was cut off by Y/N. “Which I’m going to be late to, so bye! Don’t wait up!”

 The door slammed shut and Seulgi was left alone yet again. She couldn’t help her frown only deepening as a sigh left her. Y/N had been acting strangely for a few weeks now, spending more time with the other girls and less time with Seulgi. 

 Not that she had a place to say anything, the two of them weren’t even dating, technically. Just some heavy flirting and perhaps a drunk kiss or two from some parties they’d attended together. Seulgi didn’t try to hide her crush, either, and had thought maybe Y/N felt the same for her. But, the more time they spent with Yeri or Sooyoung or anyone else, the further away that thought seemed to be.

 Seulgi sighed again before getting up, deciding to just get ready for bed early and call it a night. Tomorrow was her birthday and she didn’t want to spend it being salty and crabby. That was another reason she was even more upset over Y/N’s lack of presence lately. They always spent their birthdays together and Seulgi wasn’t even sure if this year would be the same. Y/N seemed way more interested in what their other friends were doing. Sliding under her covers, Seulgi squeezed her eyes shut and tried to push away the thoughts so she could sleep. 

 The next day, Seulgi woke up with a smile and excitement bubbling inside her. She didn’t waste any time scrolling through her phone, opting to get dressed and face the world. When she reached the kitchen, though, it was void of any life. Seulgi couldn’t help but frown, backtracking to check Y/N’s room that was down the hallway from her own.

 Opening the door, Seulgi’s heart dropped when she noticed it was completely empty. Walking back to the kitchen to make a bowl of cereal, Seulgi finally noticed the note stuck to the fridge, addressed to her.

 “‘Good morning Seul~ I won’t be around until later today so I hope you have a good day at work! Love, Y/N’, seriously?” Seulgi read aloud, her eyebrows furrowing before she crumpled the note up and threw it away. Not only did Y/N not even acknowledge what today was, but they wouldn’t even be home until later. Seulgi was practically fuming as she stormed back to her room to get ready for work without eating breakfast.

 By the time Seulgi was off of work, she had calmed down some and instead, the anger was replaced with sadness. Her coworkers had got her a small cake, even singing happy birthday for her and everything. Seulgi sniffled a little as she carefully set the cake in the passenger seat with her bag before getting into the driver’s seat.

 Before she could begin driving, her phone began to ring and the last person she wanted to talk to’s name flashed across the screen. She picked up anyway, quickly trying to suck up the few tears still there. “Hello?”

 “Seulgi! Are you off work yet? I want to hang out~!” Y/N’s voice sang through the phone with a laugh, but Seulgi only scoffed. Y/N heard and their tone immediately shifted. “Seul? Are you okay?”

 “I don’t know, Y/N. Am I okay? You tell me.” Seulgi snapped back and the awkward tension could be felt through the phone, especially when Y/N awkwardly laughed at her words.

 “Just come home already! I wanna hang out with you--”

 “You suddenly want to hang out with me?” Seulgi couldn’t help but ask, biting on her lip as she tried to hold back the rest of the word vomit threatening to spill out. It didn’t help, though. “How come all of a sudden you want to spend time with me? Are Yeri and Sooyoung too busy for you, now? You’ve been hiding something from me, haven’t you? You’re dating one of them, aren’t you? Or, at least, screwing one of them?”

 The silence that followed broke Seulgi’s heart and she didn’t bother to wait for an answer. Hanging up, Seulgi started her car in tears and sped out of the parking lot and toward home. She was embarrassed she’d exploded on Y/N like that but also hurt that she was probably right in her accusations. Yeri and Sooyoung were way prettier than her, younger too. Y/N’s types for sure. Seulgi furiously wiped at her eyes at a stoplight, deciding there that she’d apologize for how she reacted but demand her own apology in return. She deserved some apology from Y/N for leading her on.

 Parking her car outside, Seulgi quickly grabbed her cake and bag and marched toward the door. She wanted to do this quickly and painlessly before moving onto a silent treatment. Her keys jingled in the lock and it took her far too long to unlock the door and open it.

 “Y/N? Are you here? We need to talk.” Seulgi called out into the darkness, frowning when she realized just how dark it was. She carefully walked into the kitchen in the dark to set the cake down on the counter before making her way to the living room.

 When she flicked the lights on, the last thing she was expecting was a bunch of balloons and confetti thrown around the room with a large sign behind the group of smiling people that read “Happy Birthday Seulgi” in giant black letters.

 “Happy birthday!” Sooyoung was the first to skip over to the still shocked Seulgi, ignoring the obvious tear tracks and hugging her tightly instead. “I got you the best present out of everyone here.”

 “That’s debatable.” Yeri countered as she stepped closer, smiling at Seulgi. “Happy birthday, Seulgi. Sorry for the confetti mess.”

 “This is...for me?” Seulgi looked around incredulously at the groups of people socializing together, drinking and laughing with party hats sitting on their heads. Sooyoung giggled as she squeezed Seulgi tighter, nodding in answer.

 “Of course! We’ve been planning this for weeks, honestly. Y/N wouldn’t let anyone rest until it was all perfect!” Sooyoung explained, frowning once she looked around for the organizer of the event. “I don’t know where they are, though--”

 “I saw them slink off to the bathroom, I think.” Yeri shrugged before grabbing Sooyoung and dragging her away from Seulgi to talk to some other friends. Seulgi quickly turned toward the bathroom, thanking a few people on the way before she finally reached the door.

 Y/N was sitting in the bathtub when Seulgi popped her head inside, sniffling a little to themselves in the otherwise empty room. Stepping inside, Seulgi quietly closed the door behind her, drawing Y/N’s attention toward her. “O-Oh, Seulgi--”

 “I’m so sorry I didn’t trust you, Y/N.” Seulgi immediately dropped to her knees on the outside of the tub, taking Y/N’s hands into her own while she spoke. “I let my emotions get the best of me. I was so hurt that you weren’t spending time with me, I automatically assumed you were a thing with one of the other girls and were just playing with my heart.”

 “No, never.” Y/N’s voice quietly croaked and Seulgi gave them a sad smile. 

 “I realize that now and I’m so sorry for what I said to you.” She whispered and gently placed a kiss on their hand. Y/N sucked in a deep breath, a smile forming when Seulgi’s eyes finally met theirs again. “Why are you smiling?”

 “I was planning on doing this after everyone left.” Y/N mumbled as they carefully shifted, pulling a small box out from their pocket to place on the edge of the tub between them. Seulgi carefully picked the box up, looking to Y/N for permission before opening it to reveal a rose gold flower ring. “I wanted to ask you to be my girlfriend, officially. I was gonna give you this ring after everyone left and it was just us. But, I guess now is as good a time as any--”

 Y/N was cut off as Seulgi gently pressed her lips against theirs, leaning over the edge of the tub and praying that Y/N could feel every ounce of emotion she was feeling, too. When she pulled away, the tears that fell down Seulgi’s cheeks were tears of joy instead of tears of hurt.

 “A million times yes. I’d love to be your girlfriend.” Seulgi whispered against their lips, giggling when Y/N’s cheeks turned pink. Kissing them one more time, Seulgi sighed in content this time, carefully sliding the ring onto her finger and taking time to admire the new piece of jewelry.

 “This is by far the best birthday present you’ve ever given me.”

send me a starter with a name and i’ll write a little drabble

[lihikainanea]

The Dangerous Forest Excursion Part 2

Author’s note: I kept very, very quiet about this. I didn’t mention to anyone that I was working on it--I was sneaky, sneaky, sneaky.

Partly because I really was completely fucking devastated when Tumblr deleted the original and I stupidly didn’t have a back up copy, and partly because it was such a daunting task for me--I really, really did think that the original was perfect. And the more I thought about attempting to re-write it, the more I broke out into a cold sweat.

Eventually, though, I decided that I just...couldn’t leave this part unwritten. It’s too important of a juncture in their relationship--it’s the first time tiger realizes what she needs from Bill and asks for it, it’s the first time they incorporate punishment into their dynamic, and it’s the first time Bill starts to understand tiger much better. It was too pivotal to not have still around.

Ultimately, though--I also decided that it was too difficult for me to re-write it as it once was. Because in my brain, my tiresome little perfectionist brain,  it would never be on par with the first version--I really do think it was probably my most favourite thing I have written, ever.

The original was posted back in August, and 3 days later--when I was just  editing a stupid tag for it--Tumblr just up and deleted the entire thing without a trace. If you were lucky enough to read it while it existed, then I’m glad. It was my peak. But for everyone else, I hope this slightly different version lives up to all of the hype you might have heard about it.

You can read part one of the dangerous forest excursion here. If you have trouble with it, or if you need some hindsight as to where my mind was at, you can read my director’s (author’s?) commentary.

I love you guys. Thank you for your enthusiasm for this two-parter, and your very kind demands that I take another stab at this piece. ***

You hadn’t meant to run, to leave. You hadn’t meant to do the very same thing that had gotten the both of you into this mess to begin with. But it was too much, all of it was too much and it was more than you could handle. It had been days since you had gotten lost in the minefield that was that forest, days since the first promise you ever broke to Bill, days since you were on the receiving end of his fury—fury that was still too fresh in your mind, still weighing on your psyche, still ripping you apart. You didn’t know what was happening, how to make sense of what you were feeling, why his anger was still crushing your chest. Why the guilt you felt from it burned like acid through your veins, why you couldn’t reel your emotions in. 

Bill, for as passionate as he was, never carried things for long. He would feel an emotion intensely, let it ruin him for the moment, but when it was done…it was done. He had been furious with you that night, enraged enough to ignore your need for his help. His own emotions had exploded, clawed their way out of him until he was yelling at you… until you used your safe word. He had paused, horrified, stepping outside to regain his composure before coming back in. It was the maddest you had ever seen him, but within a few minutes—after exchanged apologies, softer words—it was done. You were forgiven, and the chapter was closed. 

For him.

You still needed more. It weighed too heavily on your mind—his anger, his disappointment in you. You couldn’t put words to it, this feeling of dread still nagging in the back of your mind, this lack of closure over it all. The lack of feeling forgiven.

And maybe that was it, maybe that’s what this ache burning into your mind was. A lack of feeling forgiven. You had done something wrong, put yourself in danger, broken a promise to him, and after a few exchanged words…it was done. You were forgiven. It lacked the depth that you needed, it lacked all of the components that you didn’t know you needed in order to feel forgiven. It lacked…consequence. Your actions had only merited his anger, his disappointment with you, and just as suddenly as they appeared, they had vanished. Without a single consequence.

It felt fake. And even though he told you that he forgave you, even though he made sure you understood, it still somehow lacked the validity you needed. Consequence, you realized, was what you were after. Wrong doings and punishment. Action and consequence. It was the balance that had lacked, and what had played on your mind to make you believe that you still didn’t have his total forgiveness.

You struggled with it, wrestled with the idea. You wanted to bring it up to him, you wanted to ask for his help, but you didn’t know how.You still couldn’t articulate the feeling properly, or tell him what you needed that would help. You wanted consequence, wanted a little absolution, but you didn’t know what that looked like. His words weren’t enough, you needed something a little more…concrete. Physical.

Punishment, you realized, but in that exact form: physical. He had spanked you before but it was strictly under the guise of pleasure, as part of something you both enjoyed, and you didn’t know how he would react to your request to use it as a form of exoneration.You struggled with it, struggled with how to ask for what you needed, and the more the days wore on, the more you withdrew. The more your mind got away on you. And it culminated one night as you were both reading on the couch, when Bill suddenly shut his book and turned to you, taking yours from your hand and placing both on the coffee table.

“Tiger, what is it?” He asked with a heavy sigh, “What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?” You feigned confusion, but it didn’t work. He rested his hand on top of yours in your lap.

“You know what I mean,” he coaxed, “Something still isn’t right with you. And I need you to be honest with me, so that we can fix it.”

You squirmed, avoiding his gaze and fidgeting. Taking both of your hands in his, he ducked his gaze until he caught your eye.

“Please kid,” he pleaded, “Whatever it is, we can fix it.”

You let out a long sigh, meeting his eyes when he brought your hands to his mouth and kissed them.

“I don’t feel forgiven,” you whispered.

“What?”

“What happened between us. I don’t feel forgiven,” you said, “Bill, I can’t even explain it. I don’t know how. But there is just this….this weight on me, this nagging in my brain. This nagging that needs closure. Somehow. I need something that will just…something that will confirm to me, beyond shadow of a doubt that I’m forgiven. Because right now, I still feel like you’re mad at me. I still feel your disappointment, your anger, I feel everything except your forgiveness and it’s just very…heavy.”

There was a long pause, a lingering silence as he took in your words.

“Tiger,” he started gently, “I’ve forgiven you. It’s done for me. You’re forgiven. You need to know that.”

“I do know that,” you interjected, and he grabbed your face in his hands.

“Say it then,” he ordered. You sighed.

“I’m forgiven,” you mumbled.

“Not just that,” he implored.

“You forgive me,” you clarified, “You forgive me. Bill, I can say it as much as I want. For whatever reason, I don’t feel it. And I need to feel it, for me to be able to put this behind me. I need something to help me feel forgiven. Some form of absolution.”

“And do you know what that is?” He asked. You bit your lip and tried to take back your hands from his, but he held on, “Kid, it’s me. You can ask me for anything, I’ll give it to you.”

“I need you to spank me,” you whispered.

“Okay….is that it? Because tiger, we do that already. If you want more of it, just—”

“Punishment,” you interrupted, “I need you to punish me.”

He went still, releasing your hands from his.

“What?” He asked.

“I need you to punish me,” you repeated, “Action, and consequence. I let you down. I disappointed you, I broke a promise to you. And even though you’ve told me a million times that I’m forgiven, I don’t feel forgiven— because there hasn’t been a consequence. And I need you to give me some proof or confirmation, some kind of consequence to my actions, that cuts through this mess in my head. So that I can move on from it.”

The silence was deafening, and you glanced up from your lap to see his eyes boring into yours.

“No,” he said definitively, “Tiger, no.”

Your chest constricted, your lungs tightening as he stood abruptly from the couch. He paced the living room, raking his hands through his hair as you fought the urge to cry.

“No?” You whispered, and swallowed hard, “Why no?”

“Because,” he spat, “Because just no, tiger. You’re forgiven. I’m not going to hurt you just to prove that to you.”

“You spank me anyway, what’s the big difference? It’s the same thing,” you argued.

“I spank you because you enjoy it, because it gives you pleasure. What’s you’re after is not pleasure kid, it’s pain.”

“I thought I could ask you for anything,” you murmured, and the sob in your throat was threatening to break. You felt humiliated, embarrassed, and foolish for even asking.

“You can,” he stopped his pacing, turning his attention on you as he rubbed his hands over his face,”You can ask me for anything. But this— this isn’t anything. You’re asking me to hurt you because you think you deserve it, all to get confirmation on something you already have. Tiger, you have my forgiveness.”

“I’m asking for absolution,” you tried.

“No, you’re asking for penance. You’re asking for pain,” his voice was thick with barely controlled emotion.

“It’s not pain, Bill,” you tried again, “At least not more than what I can handle. And it would help.”

“No,” he shook his head definitively, “It’s no, tiger. Find some other way to repent, some other way to get the penance you think you need.”

You sniffled, nodding your head as fat tears rolled down your cheeks. The hot flash of embarrassment crept up your chest, burning its way into your mind to join all the other feelings of shame and disappointment you had felt crushing you for days.

You heard him take a deep breath, felt the couch dip under his weight as he sat down beside you and took your hand in his.

“Tiger,” he said softly, “Hurting you is a hard limit for me. I can’t.”

You nodded, swiping at your cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” he continued. You shrugged and tried for a half hearted smile, but you knew he saw through it.

“Limits are limits,” you told him, “We both have them. I won’t push yours.”

He nodded, still looking a little unsure, but leaned forward and pressed his lips softly to yours.

And that’s where you had left it. But when the next day felt even heavier, and the one after that was worse, you shut down. You needed…distance. You needed to clear your head, to forget the conversation, to get over your humiliation, try and deal with the mess in your head by yourself. So you sought solace the only way you knew how.

By running.

And so, you fled. You waited until he stepped out for groceries, knowing it was at least an hour there and back each way, giving you enough time to pack up the few things your had taken with you, and be on your way. Not wanting Bill to panic when he couldn’t find you, you took a second to scrawl a note on a torn piece of paper, leaving it on the kitchen table for him to find.

Gone in search of penance. Need space.

I love you,

Tiger

And you grabbed the duffel bag you had packed, and left. The area was remote, no cabs available, but over the course of a few days you had become friendly with some of the fishermen by the harbour. They left in the early afternoon to ride back into town with their haul for the markets, and you planned to hitch a ride with one of them. The wharf was 2 miles from the house, a slightly winding road, but one that was impossible to get lost on. You heaved the bag over your shoulder, and set out.

It took two hours for the calls to start coming in, his name popping up on your screen. You ignored them every time, but the texts followed soon after.

Tiger, where are you?

Are you okay?

Come back, kid. We need to talk about this.

You ignored those too. And once back on the mainland you headed to his apartment for the rest of your things, before getting a cab to the airport to change your flight home for the soonest one available. The texts continued and you ignored them as best you could, but a last desperate plea came in before your plane took off.

I love you, kid. But you can’t keep running.

With a heavy sigh, you shut off your phone.

You only let yourself break when you unlocked the door to your apartment, inside the comfort of your own home it all came crashing down onto you and you let it. You cried as you started a hot shower, kept crying as you brushed your hair out, and cried just that much harder when you pulled one of his shirts on over your head and curled up to try and get some much needed sleep. You hesitated when you reached for your phone, wondering if you should turn it back on and worried at what you might see, but with a deep sigh you caved. The messages were no surprise.

Please kid, come back.

I love you tiger, and I’m sorry.

Sniffling, you shoved the phone under your pillow and tried to sleep. It was in vain and you had a feeling it would be, the night dragging on as you held onto your pillow, your eyes barely closing for longer than a blink. It was too much, it was still too much, and now the added weight of Bill’s refusal to give you what you told him you needed just drove you further into your head. You couldn’t escape it anymore.

You tried to get comfortable, tried to relax enough to just get an ounce of the rest you needed, but it was completely futile. So when the first hints of dawn broke on a sleepless night, you rubbed at your eyes in frustration, wincing as they burned. Resigned to your fate, you threw back the sheets and stood. You eyed your phone as it dinged with a new message, but you left it there on the bed as you went to get a pot of coffee on.

You heard it ping with a message—then again a second later, and on the third one, you sighed and gave up. Reaching for it, the message tugged at something in you.

Tiger, please. I’ll give you space. Just please, kid—send me something to let me know you’re safe. It doesn’t even have to be a word. Just something. I need to know you’re safe.

You knew he meant it, and you knew that he was probably still going out of his mind with worry even though you left a note. You started typing out your response—a brief, curt sentence of just barely two words—but a noise from the front porch stopped you dead in your tracks.

A key. In the lock. The door opening. There was only one other person in the world who had a key to your apartment.

“Tiger!” You heard him bellow, and your blood ran cold. His footsteps thundered up your stairs, taking two and three at a time, and you raced to the front door just in time to slam the deadbolt across. He jammed his key in the lock, turning it and throwing your door open—only to have it come to an abrupt halt when the chain for the bolt caught.

“Tiger, open the fucking door,” he growled, squeezing his hand through to try and undo the chain.

“No, I’m not ready to see you,” you said meekly.

“I don’t give a fuck what you’re ready for kid, we’re going to talk,” he pulled the door forward before pushing it again, trying to jimmy the chain loose.

“No,” you said sternly, but he wasn’t having it.

“We tried it your way kid, now we’re going to do it my way,” he snarled, “Open the fucking door.”

“Go away, Bill,” you pleaded.

You heard his deep breath, followed by the sound of his footsteps retreating down the stairs and the front door slamming. You thought—just for a brief moment—that maybe it worked. Maybe you had convinced him.

Until you heard a commotion from the kitchen.

He had taken a running leap up the side of your apartment, balancing his foot on a drainage pipe for just a second to gain enough height to latch onto the stone ledge beneath your kitchen window. Tossing your screen open, in a feat of incredible strength—God, you forgot how strong he was sometimes—he pulled himself up. You ran to the kitchen just in time to see half of his upper body coming through the window, a leg following close behind and landing in your sink as he folded himself in half, squeezing through the frame. His limbs tangled and he couldn’t get a good angle so you watched, eyes wide, as his other leg came jutting through and he tumbled to the floor in your kitchen.

You stood there, stunned.

He looked up at you from the floor, his eyes blazing, as he slowly pushed himself upright. He didn’t break your gaze, didn’t even blink as he slowly advanced on you. His shoulders square, stretched up to his full height, he towered as he took slow strides towards you. You took one back for every one of his forward.

“Why do you run?” he growled, “Why do you. Always. Run.”

You were powerless, and as if to emphasize his point— because your mind was on survival mode–you turned and bolted. Tried to make it down the hallway but you barely got two steps away before his hand closed on your arm and he hauled you back with a force, slamming your back into the wall. He leaned down to be in your eyesight, placing his palms flat on the wall on either side and glowering at you. 

His jaw ticked, and you gulped.

“Tiger, enough,” he growled, “Look at me.”

When you kept your eyes downcast, he took your chin in one of his hands and tilted your head up roughly.

“Look at me, and tell me why you ran,” he said, and it was that tone of voice—that authoritative, commanding tone of voice that even thick with emotion, had your knees almost giving out. The knot, that pit of fire that had been burning in your stomach for over a week, was starting to uncoil. Just barely.

“Because I was scared,” you mumbled, “I was embarrassed.”

“Why?” He demanded, and you looked down for a second before he was wrenching your chin up again “Look at me.”

“Because I asked you for something,” your voice shook and your lip quivered, “Something that I needed, and you told me no.”

“Why did I tell you no?” His eyes bore into yours.

“I don’t know,” you mumbled pathetically, a few tears rolling down your cheeks.

“Tiger.”

“Because you didn’t want to hurt me,” you sniffled. And for the first time, you saw him soften. You felt his warm breath fan over your face as he sighed, releasing the vice grip on your chin to cup your face instead.

“Tiger, do you understand that?” He asked gently, “Why I said no? Why I didn’t want to hurt you?”

“I guess,” you shrugged, “Even though it wouldn’t hurt me. You spank me anyway, and I—”

He placed a finger over your mouth, and you stopped.

“Punishment is different. Punishment implies that I’m inflicting pain on purpose, hurting you on purpose. And I didn’t want to do that,” he said. You huffed, trying to push him away but he didn’t move.

“We had this conversation two days ago Bill,” you snapped, “I’m not having it again.”

“I’m not done,” he put his knee between your legs, placing a flat hand on your chest and keeping you pinned to the wall, “I didn’t want to hurt you. I still don’t. But I…I looked into it a bit more. And I understand a little better now, why you might need this. Some kind of punishment to set your mind back right again. I understand you a little better now.”

“What?”

“Tiger, I don’t need this. I forgave you a long time ago. But I understand why maybe it’s more…complicated, in your mind. Why you’re having more trouble with it. And if you still need what you asked me for, then I’ll give it to you.”

You swallowed hard, meeting his gaze as you struggled to find words.

“You will?” You asked.

“Yes,” he said, and he took your cheek in his hand, “Do you still need it? Will it help?”

“Yes,” you answered without an ounce of hesitation, “Please, Bill. It’ll help.”

He nodded once, bending to press his lips to yours in a lingering kiss.

“Go wait for me on the bed, then. Clothes off,” he took a slow step back, “I’ll be there in a minute.”

It took you a second to realize that he was serious, but then you got your feet under you and pushed off from the wall. You stopped on your way out the kitchen, turning around and walking back to him to pull him in for another kiss.

“Thank you, bud,” you whispered. He nodded again, jutting his chin down the hallway to get you moving again before he lost his nerve.

Once you were out of his sight, he took a few calming breaths—deep and steadying, before heading to the cabinet where you kept your liquor. Finding the Swedish one you never drank, he popped the cap off and downed a gulp right from the bottle before shaking his head to clear the fog. Swiping his thumb across his lip, he headed to your bedroom.

You were sitting cross legged on the bed, waiting for further instructions.

“Come here,” he called you over as he stood at the foot of the bed, “Get on all fours, kid.”

You did as you were told, and his hand stroked up your back. Knowing he’d ask for it, you turned to meet his eyes before the request left his lips.

“Tiger, this is for you. I don’t need this but I understand why you do, and I want to give you what you need.”

You nodded.

“But once it’s done—it’s done. You’re forgiven, and we’ll both put this behind us, okay? Promise me.” He continued.

“Yes,” you agreed, “I promise.”

“You’re going to get 5 kid,” he explained, “Count them out loud. What do you say if you want me to stop?”

“Pineapple,” you said, and your heart was already tripling in beats. You could feel it there—the absolution you needed, the one you craved, right at your fingertips.

“Or?”

“Red,” you replied obediently. He nodded, pushing your top half further into the mattress before reaching for a pillow, placing the corner near your mouth. You looked back at him in confusion.

“To bite down on, if you need to,” he explained, “Ready?”

You nodded. Gritting your teeth, you waited—and when the first strike hit you, your mind went blank. It hurt, it stung a lot more than when he would do it for pleasure, but all you felt was….relief.

“One,” you counted out. The weight, that devastating weight that had been crushing you for days was suddenly….dissolving. Disappearing. His hand pulled back, landing another hard strike on the fleshy part of your ass and you inhaled sharply, melting more into the mattress. You felt all of it—the guilt, the disappointment, the heaviness of the last few days just dissipating, replaced with the sweet resolution that punishment brought. The absence of thought. The quietness of it all, and the lightness of finally feeling forgiven.

“Two,” you squeaked out through gritted teeth. He pulled back, landing another hard one and you gasped, biting into the pillow that he had put for you. The absence of that guilt was giving way to something else, something you hadn’t felt since before you wandered into that forest alone—it was giving way to arousal. To the thrill, the feeling of finally getting what you need from the person you needed it from, the freedom of it all.

“Count, tiger,” his loud order broke through your thoughts, when you failed to call out the following strike.

“Three,” it was a deep groan, pain mixed in with pleasure as you wound your hands in the sheets. It was building, deep in your gut. Coiling tightly as every bad feeling, every bit of anxiety you had struggled with gave way to something much more intense, much more pleasurable.

His hand retracted, landing the hardest one yet as you tensed. Your entire mind was blank, pulsating with nothing but the absolute absence of everything that had been crushing you for so long, the thrumming of pleasure building. He knew, and he marvelled at it—he could smell your arousal, see the sheen of it between your legs as he brought his hand down hard. He saw the blush creep down your back, felt your muscles tense as you writhed slightly before him, saw the way you inched your legs closer together.

“Four,” you mumbled. Somewhere in the midst of it all, you had started to cry. It wasn’t out of pain, but out of just…relief. Tears soaked the pillow and you winced, but the pain brought the peace that you knew it would. The peace that you needed, the pleasure you craved, the relief.

He pulled his hand back a final time, landing it with a resounding slap as your back arched.

“Five,” you breathed out, and then you were being gathered in his arms. 

“Good girl,” he murmured, “We’re done kid, we’re done.”

Wrapping you up in his embrace, he gently flipped you onto your back as you cried openly. He waited for your move, tried to see if you would reach for him or if you needed distance, but your hands immediately sought him out—grabbing at him until you had enough traction to pull him forward onto you.

“Bill,” you pleaded, grasping onto him as hard as you could, “Please…”

He knew what you needed, what you were asking for. He watched you as he glided his hand up your inner thigh, taking his time to gauge your reaction to make sure it was what you wanted, what you needed. You inhaled sharply when his fingers passed over you, stifling a moan as he ran them through your wetness, spreading you wide.

“Tiger, look at me,” he whispered as he kissed a few of your tears away. He ran his hand gently over your slit, pushing two fingers into you as you groaned. You opened your eyes to his.

“It’s done kid,” he pumped his fingers gently, “You’re forgiven.”

He crooked his fingers and you stifled a cry as he pressed them to the front of your walls, rubbing gentle circles. You were so wet, your arousal soaking his hand as he ground his palm into you. You were overwhelmed, every sense on fire—you could feel his fingers, long and slender, moving inside you. You could hear the obscene sound, wet and warm, as he moved his hand against you. You could smell him, feel his lips on your face, his warm breath on your cheek. You felt everything good, everything that had nothing to do with the emotions that had crushed you before.

“Bill…” you croaked, and he shushed you lightly.

“I know, sweet girl,” he praised. You cried out as his thumb found your clit, pressing down softly as his fingers continued to work you over.

“You did so well for me kid,” he purred, “You took it so well. And it’s done now. I forgive you.”

You sobbed as his fingers quickened just barely, hitting all the spots deep in you as you writhed. But you wanted more—you wanted to be greedy, ask for just a little bit more, to throw you over the edge.

“You can come for me, tiger,” he murmured as he kissed you, “Any time you need to.”

But you grit your teeth, tried to stave it off as you grabbed his hand between your legs to stay it.

“With you,” you begged, your voice cracking, “Please Bill, I want to come with you.”

His eyes flicked over you, his gaze intense and searching—but then he kissed you again, all tongue and teeth and passion, before gently removing his hand. You whimpered as he brought it to his lips, sucking both fingers into his mouth as he groaned at your taste. He raised up on his haunches, undoing his pants and shoving them to his knees before he made a move for you again, but you rested your hands on his chest.

“All of it, bud,” you pleaded, “Please, I need to feel as much of you as I can.”

You didn’t have to ask twice, he kicked his pants the rest of the way off and lifted a bit to pull his shirt over his head before he was reaching for you again. You kissed him hard, grabbing hold of his length and lining him up at your entrance as he pushed in slowly. Moaning, he grabbed your hand as he rested his forehead against yours.

“Tiger,” he moaned against your lips, “You’re forgiven.”

Your other hand raked down his back and he jerked forward, as your abdomen tightened in impending release.

“Yes,” you sighed against his mouth, keeping his gaze.

“Do you feel it now?” He whispered, “Is it more clear now?”

He kept his pace, his hips slowly rolling into you before dragging back in delicious friction, then pushing forward again.

“Yes,” you whimpered, closing your eyes for a brief second to capture his lips in a searing kiss.

“Say it,” he urged, sucking his breath in through his teeth when you clenched around him, “God you feel so good. Say it for me, kid.”

“You forgive me,” you cried, bringing a hand up to rake through his hair. His eyes stayed on you the entire time, green orbs bore into you as your muscles started to tighten, your breath started to hitch.

“Good girl,” he praised. He rolled his hips with a bit more force, burying himself deep inside you as you gasped. You tilted your chin up, shutting your eyes briefly as the pleasure slammed into you.

“Keep looking at me, tiger,” he pleaded, and with a gentle hand he brought your face back to his, “I want to see it, when you come for me.”

You whined, a pathetic whimper as you felt everything start to clench. You were so wet, so warm around him, and every time he pushed forward he rubbed further down on your clit. The pressure was building, your stomach tense and tight as everything started to go blank.

“Let go, sweet girl,” he coaxed, “Give it to me.”

And with your chin in his hand, his forehead on yours and your eyes locked with his, you let it slam into you. The white, hot flash of extreme pleasure, building for a few days and culminating in an intense release. It was emotions, it was physical, it was everything you had held way too deep inside for a few days. You cried out, clenching your teeth and eventually closing your eyes as you spasmed around him, surging forward. You bit into his shoulder to hold back a scream, your hand squeezing his as you let out a guttural groan when all of your muscles released. His own resonated in your ear soon after as he pitched forward, driving you hard into the mattress as his hips worked against yours. He moaned, his breath coming in rasps as he held onto your hand, the other one gripping the sheets. A few more thrusts, slow and lazy but deep enough to still have you pleasure drunk, and he collapsed breathless on top of you.

You laid there for a long moment, all of your limbs wrapped around him as tears flowed freely down your face. It was silent except for your cries, small sniffles and whimpers that you couldn’t control, as you buried your face in his chest.

“I love you, kid,” he murmured in your ear, “It’s done now. Yes?”

“Yes,” you nodded emphatically, kissing any part of him you could reach, “It’s done.”

He raised slightly, kissing first your ear, then peppering them along your jaw eventually resting his lips on yours for a soft kiss.

“You feel forgiven?” He asked.

“Yes,” you sighed, tilting up to kiss him again, “Yes.”

“Good,” he rested his forehead lightly against yours, stroking your cheek with his thumb. You reached your mouth for it, kissing it lightly and nipping the pad of it playfully. He laughed, pulling you into his chest as he rolled over onto his side. But then you remembered something, something you had wanted to ask him about, and your brow creased with confusion.

“Bill,” you started, his thumb still resting on your mouth and warbling your speech, “Before, you said that you…looked into this more. And that you understood it better now. What did you mean?”

His lips pursed thoughtfully as he contemplated his response.

“I just read up on some stuff,” he murmured.

“What stuff?” You prodded. He sighed.

“I just read up on…subs. Submissive dynamics,” he explained cautiously, “And what they need. How guilt and punishment comes into play, and why it’s sometimes necessary. For them to feel better.”

“Oh.” 

He eyed you carefully, tapping his thumb against your lips and you opened for it readily. You took a second, sucking on the pad of it and looking up at him.

“But…I’m not a sub,” you said, your words muffled as you sucked on it. A wry smile quirked up the tips of his mouth.

“Okay,” he acquiesced. You adjusted his thumb in your mouth, using your tongue to push it into your cheek as you glared at him.

“Bill, I’m not a sub,” you insisted. He nodded, his lips twitching as he fought to conceal a smile.

“Right,” he said, “You’re not a sub.”

Satisfied with his response even though it was slightly insincere, you moved forward to tuck your head under his chin as he wrapped his arms around you.

“Thank you, bud,” you mumbled. He kissed your head, stroking your back.

“I need to check you over kid,” he murmured, “Make sure you’re okay.”

“We have a lot of time,” you mumbled, your eyes getting heavy, “Right now, just keep holding me.”

His arms tightened around you, a hand weaving its way into your hair, as you finally exhaled for the first time in days.

[canyousevmyheavydirtysoul]

Bodyguard III: Brendon’s P.O.V - Chapter 15

I leaned against the wall, one hand stuffed in the front pocket of my jeans and the other absentmindedly combing through my hair. My mind was reeling – thoughts travelling at a million miles per hour. And across from me – the reason for it all.

She stood with her back against the metal railing of the balcony, arms folded across her chest defensively as her foot tapped against the tiled floor.

This had been the case for the last five minutes, during which neither of us uttered a single word to one another, despite the fact that wanting to talk was the reason we were both standing in each other's company in the first place.

It was clear she was agitated, fed up that I'd asked for this and yet hadn't said anything. In my defense, I was trying – I really was – but I couldn't get the fucking words out.

This is why I never do shit like this.

"You know," she sucked on her teeth, taking the initiative and breaking the silence, "usually when someone says 'I need to talk to you', they actually talk to you."

The muscles in my jaw tensed up as I gave a small, barely noticable nod in agreement. Yet, it still took a minute before I garnered up the courage to speak.

"What I did... pretending to die, disappearing for a year...it was stupid. It was stupid, it was irrational and I-" I started out in my usual tone, strong and confident and controlled andBrendon Urie, but much to my fucking displeasure, all of that faltered towards the end, and for the first time in a long time, I felt my resolve crack, "I never should have done it."

As the words flowed, so the gravity of what I had done sunk in, and I bore a hole in the floor with my gaze. I couldn't bear to look at her; I was disgusted with myself. With what I had done.

"I never should have done it," I repeated, more to myself than to her, "I never should have left you. Not like that."

"But you did," she whispered, averting her gaze downwards as well. Those three words relayed so much sadness, and I resisted the urge to punch myself in the face for making her feel like that.

"You did. And I just-" she breathed out, continuing, "I just want to know why. What was so important that you had to do what you did in order to deal with it? 'Cause ever since you came back, that's the question that's been burning at the back of my mind and for the life of me, I cannot figure out the answer."

Oh, lord. Here we go. Here we fucking go. I had to tell her. I have to tell her, right?

Yes.

Just, maybe...

Not everything.

"I went looking for my brother."

There was dead silence for a minute as she processed the news. Her face showed how she was struggling to comprehend the fact that I had a sibling – frowns, wide-eyes, twitching lips.

"Brother?" she furrowed her brows, her head moving forward slightly, "I didn't know you had a brother."

"Yeah, well," I huffed, again running my fingers through my hair, "He's not someone I'm exactly proud to be associated with."

Especially since he killed the two people who meant the most to you.

"So why risk everything to go looking for him?" she pressed, failing to understand my logic or reasoning.

Pushing myself off of the wall, I stepped closer. "I needed answers," I explained, looking her dead in the eyes, making sure that she'd believe me, "About my family, my father... myself... and he was the only one who could give them to me."

Nodding to show that she understood, she uncrossed her arms and let them drop to her sides. "Willing to share that information with me?" she tried her luck, but both of us already knew what my answer would be.

Not yet. Let's focus on us first.

"Some other time. I promise."

Even though she had every reason not to, I saw her give in.

"So that's it?" she sighed, "You did it because you wanted to find your brother? Why didn't you just tell me that? Brendon, I would have understood."

"I know," I mumbled, shutting my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose, "But I didn't, and I can't change that now. Just belive me when I say that I know that it was hell for you, and I hate myself for that."

Swallowing, she looked down in embarrassment. But she had no reason to be. If anyone should be, it was me.

"What did Spencer tell you?" she breathed.

That I broke you.

"Enough." I took a step nearer to her, wanting to be as close as she would let me. "Enough to make me regret doing it in the first place. Enough to make me more ashamed of myself than I've ever been." She didn't object the proximity, and I placed two fingers under her chin and tilted her head up so that she was looking at me again. Butterflies. "Enough to make me promise that I will never, ever leave you again."

She closed her eyes for a moment, taking it all in. She couldn't see it, but so did I.

"I was so ready to kill you," she whispered, then let out a short chuckle.

That little laugh was the equivalent of a hundred olive branches.

Fucking hell, I did it. I actually fucking did it.

My lips twitched. "I would'vekilled me."

"I hate you," she reminded.

My heart nearly exploded.

"I know," I said softly, "Come here."

I pulled her in gently, bringing her to my chest and holding her. My lips pressed to her forehead in a gentle kiss, then I rested my chin on top of her head, squeezing her tighter.

And just like that, everything was right in the world. I'll admit, it was astonishing, really, how easily I had gotten her to cave in and forgive me. Mildly concerning, even. Fuck, if I'd had known it would've only taken a couple sentences, I would've done it a long time ago.

But that was just how things were when it came to us. Everything, every action, every word, every emotion was fast-paced, intense, and undisputably compelling.

Which is why even if we wanted to, neither of us could walk away.

✧✧✧

The next day. Conference room, S.H.I.E.L.D HQ.

"Hey, there he is!"

When he spoted me entering the room, Ambrose extended both of his arms to the sides. I tossed a fleeting look at (Y/N) and the Hound as I strolled in. I had sure as fuck seen the half-embrace he had held her in, but said nothing about it.

I'd kill him later.

"Your majesty," Ambrose greeted, dropping down into a series of bows.

Scoffing, I shook my head. "Stand your stupid ass up."

"Aw, I missed you, too," the Hound stood up and poked my cheek affectionately.

Smacking the intruding hand away, I turned and  greeted Reigns and Rollins with the customary secret handshake, then made my way over to the table.

"Alright, Weekes," I breathed, pulling up my sleeves and leaning open-palmed on the glass tabletop, "Do your thing."

"With pleasure," the techie smiled. After pressing a few buttons on his display, he sent an array of information flying into the space above the table.

The rest of the group gathered around, taking in as much as they could as they looked on at the various pictures and pieces of information. Once he had eveything he needed to explain, Dallon began the brief.

"I'll keep this as short as possible, which," the techie skewed his mouth to the side, his fingers twirling a pen, "won't be that hard, considering there's not much we know about this particular mission. Basically..." he pointed at profile shots of a group of people at the edge of the hologram, "young couples are being abducted in major cities all over the world. There's been over twenty reported cases so far. All within roughly the same age group, good physical condition, and with barely any family or friends. In fact, the only reason most of them were reported missing was because their employers became concerned when they stopped showing up to work."

"Runaways?" Rollins queried, dwelling on the fact that the victims weren't family orientated.

Dallon shrugged. "Potentially. Although their way of living shows no indication of it."

"How did this fall onto S.H.I.E.L.D's radar?" (Y/N) asked.

"Yeah," Reigns backed her up, frowning slightly, "Sounds more like a FBI or Interpol gig, to me."

With a toothy grin, Dallon pointed his pen between the two of them. "Ah, but here's the kicker." The techie dished out tablets to each of us, and we all immediately looked down at what was on the screen. "The abductees? They've been spotted in various countries, and witnesses describe them as having 'superhuman abilities'."

"Yep, that sounds more like our kinda thing," Ambrose pursed his lips.

Everyone in the room exchanged a look after finishing reading through the information on your tablets. The agreement was unspoken.

"Alright," I said as I placed my device onto the table, "Where are we headed?"

Dallon gave a devilish smirk. "Vegas."

Oh, fuck me.

_______________________________

Thank you for reading x

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[fantasiesandbooks]

Tenerife Sea xi

I don’t own any of the photos.

Prologue Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15

 Soundtrack 1

Soundtrack 2

The next morning you felt your head pounding. You woke up from the burning sensation you had in your stomach and you felt as if a hammer was smaking your head over and over trying to break it. You opened your eyes and looked at the wall in front of you.

This looks...different you thought. Your mind was beginning to function and didn’t notice at first it wasn’t your room.

You sat on the bed carefully trying not to move really fast and looked around. 

This looks like... realization sank on you and you knew it was Chanyeol’s room.

You pull the blankets out of you as you attempted to stand up and looked at your legs. You looked horrified at them when you noticed you were not wearing any pants.

Where are my pants? You thought and set your eyes on the floor where they were.

What happened? You thought trying to remember everything from last night.

You heard a little grunt and your eyes got wide open. You turned your head and saw Chanyeol sleeping on the other side of the bed. He was laying at almost the edge of it, his back facing you, one of his hands was hanging loose and he had a big frown on his face since he was uncomfortable.

Your mind started rushing with millions of thoughts. Oh my god Oh my god Oh my god. Did we sleep together? It can’t be right?!  Come on y/n remember. You thought to yourself. 

Flashbacks of the night before came to your mind. You giving Chanyeol his present, chatting with the boys, the beer pong game, you sitting on the stairs not feeling well, Baekhyun carrying you, Jackson and Chanyeol fighting?, Sojin angry at Chanyeol. You remembered Chanyeol sitting next to you, telling you to shut up and leaning over him. After that your mind was blank with only the constant head throbbing.

You were massaging your temples when Baekhyun stormed into the room.

“Yeol have you seen my wa...” he yelled at looking at you. You looked at him back froze in shock. Baekhyun couldn’t believe his eyes. Looking from the tall boy to you and your discarded pants on the floor.

“OH MY GOD” he yelled. Your head throbbed again and you shushed him. 

“Can you not yell please?” You asked him.

Chanyeol groaned annoyed at all the ruckus and opened his eyes. He turned around and saw Baekhyun standing in the middle of the room. His face full with shock. His mind didn’t quite understand the reason of it at first but then his eyes landed on you sitting on the bed next to him and he jolted up. Sehun and Jongin arrived a few seconds later at hearing their friend’s scream.

“What is it?” Sehun asked alarmed and stood at the door threshold with round eyes just as Jongin did. This is getting out of hand you thought.

“Guys I... We...” Chanyeol stuttered as he didn’t know how to explain this situation.

You covered your face in embarrassment with both hands.

“What’s going on? Why is everyone at Chanyeol’s room?” Junmyeon yelled peeking out from his room. Jongdae had gotten out from his to joined the others.

“Y/n and Chanyeol slept together” The black haired boy explained.

“WHAT?!” Junmyeon asked baffled. He went over to Chanyeol’s room, the others outside letting him through so he could go inside.

He looked around the room and then at you two.

“This is not what it looks like” Chanyeol said rapidly.

Junmyeon had a big frown on his face when he spoke “We are not talking about this here. We will wait for the two of you at the leaving room”.

Baekhyun and the other boys walked out from the room and headed towards the leaving room just as their leader had told them to.

“Be there fully dressed” he said sternly turning to look at you and you looked away embarrassed.

He walked out of the room and closed the door.

“Shit” Chanyeol muttered and you turned to look at him.

“What happened last night?” You asked. He sighed.  “You don’t remember anything?” He asked you.

“A few things but I need to know everything” you said. “Plus my head is throbbing so hard”.

“I will tell you everything. I need to talk to you too without they boys listening”. He said serious and got up from the bed. You noticed he was fully dressed and thanked the heavens for it.

Good! That means we didn’t do anything last night right?! You thought.

But then why is he so serious? Did I do something wrong yesterday?! your anxiousness was building up.

You put the blanket over your legs and tried to grabbed your pants without revealing too much. Chanyeol looked at you and snorted.

“What?” You asked, not finding the funny part about it.

“It’s just ironic how yesterday you weren’t so worried about me looking at your underwear”.

You gave him a pointed look “Yeah well yesterday I was way too drunk. Now, can you turn around so I can put them on?”. you gestured at your pants.

He gave you a quizzical look but turned around at the end.

You put on your pants quickly and tried to fix your hair a little bit.

“It’s ok now” you announced and Chanyeol turned to look at you.

“Are you ready?” He asked you. 

“No but let’s go” You sighed and walked to grabbed the doorknob. “Are we in trouble?” You asked your tall friend, remembering Junmyeon’s severe look on you.

“Maybe. I don’t think so though” Chanyeol answered.

 You turned the knob and stood there for a moment trying to gather some courage.

“Ladies first” Chanyeol motioned you.

You side eyed him “how thoughtful” you said sarcastically and walked towards the leaving room, Chanyeol following behind.

 The living room was like a court. It was as if the rest of the Exo members were the judges and Chanyeol and you the guilty parts. Some of the members were standing in front of you and the others were sitting on one of the couches. You and Chanyeol were sitting next to each other on the other one looking at Junmyeon, Baekhyun and Jongdae uncomfortably.

“I’m very disappointed on you two. Especially with you Chanyeol since you know we can’t do... have...” Junmyeon said and was having trouble with saying the last words.

“Sex” Jongdae helped him finish the sentence.

The leader nodded at him “yes, thanks.”

“You cay say intercourse if you want to sound more elegant, there’s also banging, doing the dance with no pants, getting it on, uh there’s also bow-chick a bow-wow and...” Baekhyun listed when Junmyeon cut him off.

“Ok every got the point now let me finish” the redhead said and returned his attention back to Chanyeol and you.

“The point is...You know we can’t do that here. What would have happened if our manager had come unannounced like so many times and saw you two in bed?. You would not be the only one affected.” Suho scolded.

“But we didn’t do anything” Chanyeol raised his voice. He couldn’t believe his friends could think he would put them in a difficult situation.

“You didn’t?” Baekhyun asked surprised while looking at Chanyeol.

“We didn’t?” You asked playfully. You turned to look at Chanyeol and he gave you a pointed look. “Now is not the time” were the only words your friend said to you.

“But if you didn’t then why was she without pants?” Sehun asked from the couch.

“She was still drunk when that happened. I went to grab a bottle of water from the kitchen, when I came back she had taken them off and said they were uncomfortable” Chanyeol explained calmly and you looked at him baffled.

“Y/n! We didn’t know that side of you” Baekhyun said amused and you gave him a pointed look due to his antics. Junmyeon nudged Baekhyun and the white haired boy let out an “ouch”.

Jongdae coughed “Now that the situation is cleared up can we have breakfast?”. Everybody looked him and he just shrugged.

“Yes please. I’m starving” Jongin said and headed towards the kitchen. Jongdae followed him and grabbed Baekhyun by the arm so he could go with him.

“Hey, do you have something for headaches? I feel like my head is about to explode” you complained while massaging your temples.

“I’ll see if there is a pill for that at our medicine cabinet” Suho said and went to the bathroom.

“My stomach hurts too” you grimaced in pain.

“That’s because you haven’t eat anything since yesterday.” Sehun said. “Some people tend to get drunk more easily if they don’t have food on their stomachs”

“I want to die” you said as you leaned on the couch.

“Come on let’s feed you” Sehun said as he grabbed your arm and pulled of it for you to stand up. Sehun motioned you to follow him to the dining table but Chanyeol got hold of your other hand to stopped you. You turned to look at him. Sehun too since he sensed you stopped walking.

“What it is Yeol?” You asked him. Chanyeol was going to tell you to remember the pending conversation you two had but he decided not to mention it at seeing Sehun standing there waiting for you.

“I... am hungry too. Come on” the tall boy said and went ahead of you and the younger boy.

“Odd” Sehun said weirded out and you shrugged.

What would he really wanted to say? You thought while you were walking towards the table but quickly forgot about it when you saw all the food served.

 The boys and you were gathered at the table eating breakfast. You were sitting between Jongin and Sehun who were chatting with the rest of the guys as every other morning. You on the other hand were so focus on your meal and feeding yourself that you were quiet most of the time. “Whoa y/n.” Jongdae said at seeing you stuffing your mouth with a whole piece of hotcake.

 “You must have been really hungry, haven’t you?”. You looked at him and hummed in agreement. You grabbed another one when Sehun snatched it out from your hand.

“Hey!” You complained.

Junmyeon arrived with a bowl of soup and put it in front of you “You should eat this instead. This helps with hangovers” He said and took a seat.

You grimaced as you didn’t feel like having a weird soup for breakfast.

“Just eat it” Baekhyun muffled.

“Fine” you said reluctantly.

“You have been so quiet Yeol” Jongin pointed out and everyone turned to look at the tall boy. It was true, you didn’t pay a lot of attention on it earlier but Chanyeol was so absentminded that he had barely touch his food.

“Are you ok?” Junmyeon asked him.

Chanyeol shook his head and turned to look at him.

“Sorry. I’m fine” Chanyeol said and smiled slightly at his leader. Both of you exchanged glances and you smiled at him. His smile faded and returned his gaze to his plate as he kept eating. You did the same and tried to talk with the guys as if nothing had disturbed you but the thought of Chanyeol’s weird behavior towards you kept lingering in your mind.

“Guys! Could any of you borrow me some clothes?. Mine smell horrible” You said and grimaced in disgust, scanning around the table in search of the kind soul that would have mercy on your pitiful state- your hair was still disheveled, your clothes smelled like a combination of perfume and cigarette smoke from the people that was smoking near you yesterday at the party and you, well, the smell of alcohol was pouring through your whole body.- you really were in need of a shower.

“It’s not just the clothes. You stink too” Baekhyun said bluntly and you averted his gaze in embarrassment.

Junmyeon glared at him but Baekhyun seemed unfazed.

“Maybe you should borrow her some garments as you are the same height as her” Sehun said mischievously.

“I’m taller” The white haired boy scoffed.

“Junmyeon is the smallest around here” Baekhyun said and got his head smacked by the black haired boy.

“You’re only taller by one centimeter” Junmyeon pointed out.

“Ok. I’ll give them to you” Baekhyun said while rubbing his head and you thanked him. “But I’m serious, you really need a shower. I can smell the alcohol in your body from the other room”. Baekhyun said.

“I know.” You said ashamed “I’m never going to get drunk again”.

“Never say never” Sehun said amused.

“You were kinda funny last night. So cheerful and giggly” Jongdae said. “I was?” You asked incredulously.

“Yeah, even at one point you started singing some Christmas carols” Baekhyun chuckled.

“Oh my God!” You said and facepalmed yourself. 

 “Did a lot of people see me?” You asked. “Only us” Jongdae said.

“But don’t worry I recorded it” Baekhyun said and smiled wickedly at you.

You were agape “You didn’t”.

 “But I did. It’s going to be on my Christmas video greetings this year. Wait for it” he said and winked at you.

“You are a horrible little man” you said and the others chuckled.

“Sometimes you have to embrace the dark side within you for a greater purpose. Think of all the laughter you are gonna bring to people’s lifes” Baekhyun said.

“Ok Darth Vader then why don’t you do it instead?” You asked annoyed.

“I do it all the time” Baekhyun exclaimed.

“He’s got a point there” Jongin said and you rolled your eyes.

“You only are allowed to send it to the people sitting at this table” you gestured at all the boys sitting there “If I see it on your social media don’t count with being alive for the next comeback”. Baekhyun nodded in understanding “I knew we could settled an arrangement”.

“Ok everyone time to clean up. We have to be at the radio station for the interview in 3 hours. That’s enough time for you to get ready” Suho announced and everybody started picking up dishes and carried them to the kitchen.

After leaving everything clean up you went with Baekhyun for him to handled you his clothes.  You were walking towards the bathroom when Chanyeol called you from the threshold of his room. “Y/n” you stopped in your tracks and looked at him. “I remember. You want to talk to me.” You said and he nodded. “I will hurry up so we can talk before you go, ok?” You said. “Ok” Chanyeol answered. He watched you entered the bathroom and closed the door behind you.

Inside his room, Chanyeol was pacing around trying to come up with ways of how can he start talking about his feelings for you.

“Ok this is my chance to be honest and tell her about my feelings for her”. He said to himself. But how can I start? He wondered himself.

Maybe with a “I love you y/n, please leave Jackson and date me instead”. “No no no. If I’m too straightforward she might freak out and reject me”. He muttered.

Ok maybe this “I like you. Would you give a chance to prove I’m better than him?” he thought but at the end he wasn’t deciding how to approach the topic and that made him feel frustrated.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 You were wearing an Avengers black t-shirt and the sports pants that Baekhyun had given to you. You grabbed your hair in a ponytail and sneered at seen yourself in the mirror. Never had crossed your mind someday you would be wearing Baekhyun’s clothes but still you appreciated that your body and the garments felt and smelled nice.

You stepped out of the bathroom and headed towards Chanyeol’s room.

You knocked on his door and could heard a muffled “yes?” From the other side.

“It’s me. Can I come in?” You asked and seconds later Chanyeol opened the door and motioned you to come inside.

You went inside and sat on his bed. He closed the door and when he turned to see you he noticed you were rubbing your arms from the cold.

“This is one of the coldest rooms” the white-blondish haired man said.

“Yeah! I can tell” you said and rubbed your arms rapidly so you could get warm. Chanyeol went to his closet, pull out one of his hoodies and extended it for you to grabbed it.

“Here, wear this” he said.

 “Are you sure? It’s one of your favorites.” You pointed out.

“Yes. It’s not like you are going to steal it from me.” He joked. “You can give it it back later”

You took the hoodie and put it it on. Your body was swimming in it but it was warm and had Chanyeol’s smell in it which you found exquisite for your nose.

“Thank you” you said. “So are going to talk about what happened last night?”.

“What do you want to know?” Chanyeol asked you. He was standing in front of you with his arms crossed over his chest.

“So most of the things I did at the bar I already know them thanks to the boys” you explained.

“But I remembered Jackson and you arguing. Why?”.

“Because he wanted to take you home and I don’t fully trust him so I told him I was going to take you. At the end he had to go because one of his members called him saying their manager needed him or something like that” Chanyeol explained. “Why would you two fight for such a silly thing?” You asked him. “Your safety it’s not silly to me and maybe he doesn’t trust me as well” Chanyeol said calmly and you looked away for a moment feeling your cheeks starting to blush. “And I remember Sojin yelling at you, and me?!” You asked hesitantly, the blurred images from that scene replaying inside your mind. “Yes! She got furious because she didn’t want me to take you home and said that if I left with you, we would be done. I told her I was fine with that and I took you with me to the elevator” Chanyeol explained unfazed. At that you were dumbfounded “I... don’t know... what to say Chan” you stuttered.  Your mind was trying to comprehend the recent news while a little bit of excitement stirred inside you. So he is alone again you thought, but at the same time you felt bad about it since you were the cause of it.

“I’m so sorry. That was my fault. If you want I can try talking to her” you offered.

“Don’t be. It was something that it was meant to happen sooner or later” Chanyeol said.

“I’m sorry for you not for her” you explained.

He gave you a reassuring smile. “I’m gonna be ok”.

You sighed, boy I really caused a lot of trouble.

“I also remember being here sitting with you and you told me to shup up and I leaned over you. I don’t remember anything after that” you said. Chanyeol snorted remembering that part. “I told you to shut up because you were talking nonstop about how perfect Jackson is and I was so done with that. But after that you said you were head over heels for me and you leaned over me to kissed me”. Your eyes got round as plates.

“What?!” You said shocked. 

Oh my god no! This can’t be happening you thought. 

You cover your face with both hands as if that could make you invisible and don’t let people know how embarrassed you were. You wished that the Earth could swallowed you deep enough and never had to see Chanyeol’s face again. You said something muffled by your hands that Chanyeol couldn’t understand.

“What?” He asked. You turned to looked at him, remorse clearly on your face. “I’m so so so so so sorry. This is so embarrassing”.

You gazed at the floor and saw your friend’s shadow getting closer to you. “Y/n” he said for you to looked at him but you kept staring down. He crouched and lowered his face so he could look at you straight in the eyes.

“Yeol don’t. I know you are gonna try to comfort me but don’t do that. I was stupid and I feel that I can’t even look at you for how ashamed I am with myself” you said.

“I’m not mad at you if that is what you think. If anything I am glad” he said and your look at him quizzically.

“I’m not following you” you said.

“Since our fight at the party I’ve been thinking about our friendship and what you mean to me and...” he paused for a moment to take an inhale of breath “I have come to the realization that I want you as more than a friend. I like you” Chanyeol said quietly. You were baffled at his words. Is this for real? Am I still drunk? You thought, not processing the words Chanyeol was saying.

“Are you serious?” Was the only think that came out of your mouth. Chanyeol nodded at you, seriousness readable on his features. “I like you so much and it irkes me every time I see you with Jackson because you seem happier with him than when you were with me, even as friends, and because he could helped you to make your life better when I was the one that was supposed to do that as your best friend. You certainly make mine better and I want to ask you for a chance to prove you... prove us... that we can be happier together” Chanyeol said and let out a heavy sigh as if just now he had got ridden of a heavy weight that was oppressing his heart. Your eyes got watery at hearing Chanyeol’s confession. This wasn’t as you have picture it in your mind but it seemed his words had hit the right spot inside of you.

“I have a question though” Chanyeol said “When we were kissing you said something was fake but I didn’t understand what were you talking about”. Ok it’s time for me to be honest you thought and took a deep breath to prepare yourself.

“What is fake is my relationship with Jackson.” You said “I mean we are just friends. He is not my boyfriend” Chanyeol was about to say something but you cut him off “let me finish” you said and he closed his mouth. After a moment of silence you continued explaining everything about how you ended up being with the other boy. You left out the part were Baekhyun and Sehun helped you since you didn’t want to cause them any trouble. After all you were the one that did most of the part and you have to take responsibility for your actions.

You sighed heavily “The truth is that months ago I realized I liked you but I was so afraid of you not feeling the same towards me and loosing you as a friend too that when I knew you were with Sojin, I felt crushed and couldn’t think clearly about what to do. I know it was a childish and stupid plan but at the end it wasn’t that bad you know. Jackson is an incredible friend and he helped me to overcome a lot of the things that were making my life miserable. Like seeing you with another woman.”  You felt ashamed at confessing this but it was true that all in all at some point in your life Jackson helped you to see that there were other things in life to care about and not just your crush on a man that, at that moment, didn’t reciprocate your feelings. In a way, that made the pain more bearable.

Chanyeol was frowning at you, he didn’t understand why you didn’t talk to him about your crush on him sooner. He felt mad about it at first but as you kept talking his anger was fading away and he kind of understood your feelings as he himself struggled with seeing you with another man.

You felt uncomfortable at waiting for any reaction of him.

“You are mad, aren’t you?” You asked even though you knew the answer.

“Yes and no. I don’t know.” Chanyeol said. “I’m angry because you didn’t talk to me about your feelings for me earlier”.

“I’ve already told you I was scared. I didn’t have the slightest idea that you felt the same way about me. Baekhyun told me once that you seemed jealous but I thought it was just you being overprotective as always” you said and Chanyeol sneered.

“Well it was that and I was jealous” he pointed out. Both sighed and looked straight at the wall in search of an answer.

“So, what are we going to do now?” You asked him. After seconds of silent Chanyeol turned to look at you.

“Let’s have a date.” He suggested. “To be honest I’m a little afraid too with how this is gonna turn out but I think it’s worth the try, don’t you agree?” He extended his hand for you to grabbed it. It took you a moment to put your hand in his and closed it around it.

“Ok” you said and he squeezed your hand in a reassuring way as if saying “We’ve got this”.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day you were at your place pacing around waiting for Chanyeol. You two have agreed to have a date today as it was one of his free days. Although you were trying to keep your mind busy with decorating your house for the holidays you couldn’t avoid looking at the clock every five minutes.  07:15 pm could be read on the clock. Chanyeol has texted you he would be at your apartment at 07:00 pm and your anxiousness was increasing. He’s 15 minutes late. Ok, that’s normal right?. Should I call him or will I seem so desperate?. You though.

“Ok I’ll give him 10 more minutes before I call him” you said to yourself.

“Let’s check again if I have everything I need” you said and grabbed your purse to take a look inside. It was a mess since you didn’t have time to change purses but on the surface you could see everything you usually use.- your toothbrush, some gum, your wallet, make up,a little hairbrush, and a package of Kleenex-.  I need to remember to reorganize it. You thought. Now, Where is my coat? You looked around as you could have swore you had left it in one of the couches.

You didn’t find it there so you went to your bedroom. “Here it is” you were going to grabbed it when you glanced yourself at the mirror to check on you one last time. You were wearing a large green knitted sweater with jeans and sand brown boots. Your hair was in a half up ponytail and you had your brown coat in hand as it was freezing outside.  Today I feel pretty you thought to yourself and smile at your reflection when you heard the doorbell ringing. 

“One second” you yelled as you gathered all your things and opened the door.

You were shock at seeing Chanyeol- he was wearing a black coat with a white t-shirt and black pants. He had put on some glasses and his hair was combed backwards-.

“Hi! I’m so sorry. I got stuck in traffic” he apologized and scanned you from head to toe. You felt uncomfortable at that and coughed to catch his attention.

“Don’t worry about it. I entertained myself with the Christmas decorations” you said nonchalantly. Yeah right you thought sarcastically.

“Oh! Have you finished with it?” Chanyeol said trying to take a look at the inside of the place.

“Not yet” you said. “I recall someone said he was going to help me with the tree and the rest of the stuff” you gave him a quizzical look.

“Ah...yeah. I remembered too” Chanyeol said embarrassed and scratched the back of his neck. You chuckled at his actions.

“I can help you during the week”. He offered.

“That would be great” you side smiled at him and he smiled back.

“Are we going now?” You asked him trying to avoid the awkward silence to fell upon you.

“Yeah. I’m starving” he said while you were closing the door. Chanyeol and you started heading towards the elevator and he said out of the blue “You look very pretty”.

“Thank you. You looked very handsome too” you said. “Actually, you look like model from a very expensive brand. You should had let me know I had to step up my game” Chanyeol laughted at your comment and made his awkward smile.

“Park Chanyeol are you blushing over a compliment?” You asked playfully.

“No” he scoffed and you looked at him amused.

Cute you thought.

  “Have you ever gone to this restaurant before?” Chanyeol asked you as he was driving towards the restaurant you had picked for having dinner. -Both of you have decided that each of you would pick a place for the date. You the restaurant and Chanyeol the place to go after. You already had told him about the place you have chosen and yet he haven’t tell you anything about his-.

“Yes I went there with some coworkers about two weeks ago. It has a pretty decoration, music live and the food is amazing”.

“Ah, I see” he said. You turned to look at him.

“Are you going to tell me anything about what are we doing after dinner?” You asked.

“Nope. It’s a surprise” He said determined.

“Come on. At least tell me a clue” you whined.

Chanyeol thought about it for a minute before saying “Ice”.

“What?” You asked.

“That’s the clue. Ice” he pointed out.

 “Like are doing something that has to do with Ice or Ice is the name of the place?” 

“I don’t know” He answered and you pouted at him. 

Chanyeol gave you a side glance and laughed. “Don’t be so anxious”. You hummed and turned to look outside the window.

“We are here” Chanyeol announced as he was parking at the restaurant’s entrance. Once he parked he went to opened the door for you.

“Thanks” you said. He offered you his arm and you linked it with yours. Once inside Chanyeol was looking around in bewilderment.

You took a seat at your table and smiled at him. “It’s pretty, isn’t it?” You said.

“Yeah” he smiled at you. 

“Wait to try the food. You are gonna die” you said excitedly and Chanyeol chuckled at you.

The dinner went smoothly with the two of you talking as if it was just another one of your hang outs. For a moment you forgot you and Chanyeol were supposed to be on a date and you wondered if there has to be some kind of feeling so especial and unique for it to feel it like a real one.

 Usually on first dates you were always feeling nervous; you tried to be chatty and you felt exhausted at the middle of it since you were trying to impressed the guys but with Chanyeol you felt comfortable. Now that he knew everything you didn’t feel anxious about doing or saying something wrong. You exchanged looks and you smiled at him shyly. This is going good you thought and continued eating.

 After dinner Chanyeol drove you to an empty parking lot. There was a small building next to it that you have thought it was closed since there were no lights on inside of it. You two got out the car and you looked at the building weirded out.

“When you said the clue was Ice I thought something related to a park” you looked at him and he was smiling at the view in front of him.

“Come on” he said excitedly and grabbed your hand. Chanyeol and you entered the building. The was no one inside or at least that’s what you have thought.

While he was pulling you to kept walking you asked him “Chanyeol what is this? Are we breaking in?”.

He laughed at you but didn’t stop “No! Trust me”. Both of you stopped at two glass doors. You tried to look at the inside and finally could recognized the shape of what was inside. “Is this...” you asked baffled and Chanyeol nodded excitedly. You two entered the place. It was an ice skating rink. You stood there for a moment not knowing what to do. Chanyeol released you hand and took out his phone. You could see him typing rapidly “Why are we here? There’s no even li” you were saying as the lights went on and you got scared.

“Oh my god! There’s someone here. They’re going to call the police. We have to go now” you said frantically and tried to grabbed Chanyeol’s arm for him to follow you but the stopped you.

“Y/n look at me” he said calmly and you looked at him alarmed. “It’s all good. Nobody is going to call the police. I rented the place for the two of us. Right Bernie?” Chanyeol yelled and a “Right” coming from the speakers answered him. You looked around in puzzlement and Chanyeol motioned you to look up. There was a cabin at one corner of the room with a big glass and inside of it you could see an olden man smiling and waving at you. You waved at him back still astonished.

“Can you put some music Bernie?” Chanyeol asked and the other man gave him a thumbs up.

“Thank you” The white haired boy yelled and smiled at Bernie. 

The music started playing and Chanyeol went to grabbed the ice skates for you and him.

“Here” he said and handed them to you. You looked at them “but I don’t know how to ice skate” you said and Chanyeol looked at you incredulously.

“Are you serious?” He asked you and you nodded at him.

“Never in your life have you ever tried?” He asked you, his eyes round as plates.

“Once, when I was like 10. And I was glued to the border rail the entire time” you explained. Chanyeol couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Ok put the skates on and I’ll be waiting for you at the rink’s entrance. You are going to learn today”.

You were not so sure about the learning part but nevertheless you went inside the rink. Chanyeol grabbed you by both of your arms so you could stand steady on the ice. You were concerned as it looked like you didn’t have any balance.

“Do not let me go” you said to him, fear clearly in your eyes.

He chuckled “I won’t”. After two hours and a half you could at least stand by yourself and go around the rink without falling to much. You were having a blast and felt really happy with your accomplishment since it was a dream of you to ice skate properly. Chanyeol grabbed your hand and pulled you towards him. He embraced you and both were swaying from side to side slowly.

“Thank you for this” you said and looked at him with a wide smile on your face.

“You’re welcome” he said and smiled at you.

“You don’t feel this weird? That we are having a date and we are like this” you gestured at you being in his arms. “No” he said calmly. “For me it’s like being on a date with my best friend. Similar to what we already do”.

“Oh” You said. You could see amusement on his face.

“Only this time I get to do this” he said and lowered his head a little to capture your lips. You were shocked at first when you felt his lips on yours but that feeling went away quickly and you smiled into the kiss. His lips felt warm and soft. They were so addictive and their taste so intoxicating that you wanted to kiss them forever. You could taste the sweetness of the wine he had drunk earlier.  You felt his tongue gently touching your lips and you thought you could die right there and be ok with it. You wondered how could you not remember the kiss from two nights ago. It was something you will not forgive yourself. Chanyeol broke the kiss. You locked eyes with him breathless, trying to stabilize your breathing.

“You would like to be my girlfriend?” He asked short of breath and you laughed at his question following by him.

“Didn’t the kiss tell you anything?” You said between laughs.

“Yes but I want to make it it official by saying it out loud.” He said solemnly and you shook your head in amusement.

“Yes. I would like to be your girlfriend” you said mockingly and he chuckled.

“Good” Chanyeol said and cupped your face to kissed you again.

Definitely this was a date that you would treasured for the rest of your life.

Thank you for the support and the love. I hope you like the series and enjoy this chapter. I’ll try to come up with the next one as soon as possible. Are you excited for the holidays?. Also If you have any comments regarding the series feel free to send me a message. I think it would help me a lot.^^

[snowrubies]

Vibrations

MomoxSana

You know there are just some things that Momo thought she would never do like go to space, suddenly combust, or step foot in an adult store. There's a first for everything it seems because Momo was standing right outside of "Eve's Paradise" an exclusively female sex shop.

She wasn't dared to do this or just happened upon it. No, she was here of her own free will, and for a reason. Her career has been largely successful over the last few years. She was swimming in popularity, but her love life was seriously lacking. Not a single person man or woman had asked her out even, on account of the fear of being attacked by the fans for 'taking their precious baby Momo away'

So, that's why she was here. Screw love life. She hadn't been able to have an orgasm in months. She was literally rotting away because of the largest drought ever. No, drought doesn't even cut it anymore. It is like being in the Sahara Desert for five years without water. She needed an orgasm, or twelve, and she needed it yesterday

She walked through the door a little nervous that someone would recognize her through the contacts and wig. What a mess that would be. 'Pop Star seen in a lesbian sex shop'. The lighting was scarce at best. There were a few rooms at the back labeled 'Private, see associate for entry'. An accurate description of the walls would be like a candy shop that only sold suckers. The walls were labeled with things like Venus butterflies, vibrators, strap-ons, BDSM accessories, and not your average sex toys. A sales women came up to her, quite enthusiastically, and said "Welcome to Eve's Paradise is there anything specific that you are looking for".

Once Momo gathered her pride and smashed it with a hammer, she said "I just...nnneed something."

The sales women looked like she pitied her. "Oh, honey. Tell Moonbyul what's wrong."

She couldn't find what to say to her. She couldn’t just say 'I'm a famous pop star that hasn't been on a date in years and really needs a good orgazm.' "I'm in a drought." She settled on telling her.

Oh, ok. Do you have any preferences?"

She did and that was the problem. She needed something different. Something that she didn't already have in her growing collection of sex toys. " I need something different."

Moonbyul immediately steered her toward the section labeled 'not your average sex toys.' She pulled out a box and asked "How do you feel about pain?" The box was full of clamps.

Momo was appalled that someone could like such a thing. She shook her head no."Alright then. How do you feel about giving up control? "

Momo's eyes popped up at the suggestion. She wondered how that could work since she had to do it herself. " Oh, yes. You like that idea. So, now the question is how...OH! That'll work. How about phone sex?"

Momo was unamused, "I don't think that will solve my problem." She could just do that herself for free. Millions of people would give there lives for such an experience with her.

"No, dear. This is no ordinary vibrator. It will definitely work." She handed Momo the box.

The title read 'magic act'. She read the back of the box,'Do you want that magical moment? Are you tired of the ordinary? The the magic act vibrator and headset is for you. This device comes in two parts, a six inch silicone vibrator and a wireless headset. This device has no controls or an on switch. You have no control over it, but someone else does. You simply have to put on the headset, push the button below the left ear, and wait.' Momo was intrigued by this. She smiled a little, and Moonbyul steered her over to the cash register. "That'll be 159.96. And thank you for shopping at Eve's Paradise. May all your endings be pleasure filled."

And that is how she ended up here. Momo was sitting on her bed cross-legged staring at the box. 'why did I even do this? This a new low even for me... But it can't be that bad right? I'm kinda desperate.' She grabbed the box and opened it. She pulled out the headset first, which looked surprisingly exactly like her head microphone she would wear for performances sometimes mixed with headphones. She pulled out the vibrator next. It was no different than any of her others except for a small wire running down the middle.'That's probably how it's controlled.' She then pulled out a very little piece of paper labeled directions. She read, "1. Put on headset. 2. Get comfortable. 3. Push the button under the left ear. 4. Wait. Well that seems simple enough." She grabbed the headset. Put it on. Laid down on her bed. Pushed the button and waited. It only took a few seconds..

"Hello." A very confident, feminine voice sounded through the headset.

" Umm...hi?" Momo was terribly nervous. She'd done it by herself many times, but adding a different person was nerve-wracking.

She heard a little restrained giggle. " You sound nervous."

" I've nnnever done this before." Oh great now I am stuttering. She probably thinks I'm a little virginal girl sitting here in white who just mistakenly turned this thing on.

" Really? Not even with a girlfriend?"

"wha - girlfriend?! Why would I..." This woman was obviously very blunt. I suppose you would have to be in her line of work.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you would have been into girls given the circumstances."

" That's not... No I mean I really do...But just so bluntly...I.."

She giggled again."You sound so cute. So, in the interest of getting to know you, how about we play a game? She you don't feel so awkward hmm?"

Relived for a change in subject Momo said, "That sounds like a great idea. What do you-"

The woman interupted her. "Let's play truth or dare. I'll go first. Let's start with something harmless. How do you like to be touched?"

Momo's eyes went wide, "That doesn't seem harmless to me."

"It'll be very useful for me later, but you could always go with a dare."

This woman had such arogance in her voice it made Momo shiver. "I think that would be much worse. Hmm...let's see. I guess...I like...light teasing touches." This was quite possibly the most embarrassing thing she had ever done. She was just waiting for her to laugh.

"hmm...so you like being teased. I'll remember that."

That shocked the embarrassment right out of Momo. This woman was positively wicked. "I guess it's my turn. What would you do i-"

"I choose dare."

"But I didn't even finish my question. Hmf." She pouted.

"Now, now. Good girls don't pout and whine darling."

"How do you know I was pouting? Fine. I dare you to tell me where you are."

There was a short pause,"I'm not supposed to tell you that, but my house in Korea." She wispered the last part. "Now, as for light touches, might I ask where you like thoes touches?"

"You may not."

She clicked her tongue a few times." How am I supposed to help you darling if I don't know where to touch."

" I'm sure you could figure it out." She sure as hell wasn't going to tell this woman specifics.

" Is that a challenge?"

You could almost be certain that she was smirking. Momo didn't respond to her.

"Challenge accepted. Lay down, close your eyes and let me do all the work. Don't be afraid to tell me what you like."

Momo did as she was told. She heard rather than saw the vibrator move towards her face. She breathed in and out feeling like a nervous child. Her earlier nervousness had been replaced with a new sensation. She couldn’t focus on anything other than the anticipation.

She wondered what this woman looked like. She seemed young, fairly cocky, but somehow graceful.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of circles being drawn on her stomach. "How does that feel?"

Momo unconsciously opened her legs a bit. The rod slowly made it's way up her body between her breasts. She wanted to rip her clothes off and feel these delicious little vibrations right on her skin, but she was left immobile after the first touch.

The rod moved past her breasts and rested on her pulse point for a while. "That feels good."

A smug laugh, "See, now was that so hard?"

Momo could picture this phantom woman above her now. Her soft hands in her hair while she sucked on her pulse point and collar bone. She wished she would go lower, even just a little bit.

"Take off your top darling, if it is still on. You might as well get rid of the bottoms as well. Save us some time." You could hear the shuffling on the other end of the line.

Momo was quite glad at the moment that she didn't wear a bra today. It just made it that much easier and faster. The cool air pricked at her overheated skin. She felt that just a single touch could make her explode. The rod moved slowly over to her mouth. Momo didn't and still doesn't know why, but she took that rod right into her mouth.

"You are beautiful." the woman said almost as if she knew what she'd done.

The rod moved down to her collar bone. She let out a strangled little moan. She felt like she was going to die and they hadn't even gotten to the sensitive bits yet.

"No. If you are going to moan, let me hear it. Don't restrain yourself."

When that rod made it's way down to her breasts, she didn't restrain herself. She would only draw cirles around them. She started pleading the woman to touch her nipples. "Hmg...please." She couldn’t bring herself to actually say it.

"Now darling, how am I supposed to know what you are pleading for if you don't tell me? You must tell me clearly and extra points if it's done dirtily."

She didn't want to, but she couldn't take it. " I want you to touch me."

"But where and how, my darling?"

Darn. She couldn’t get away with just that. " I...I want...I want you to...touch...my-"

" Your what darling?" She moved the rod dangerously close to her nipple then pulled it away.

She exploded. " Damn it! I want you to touch my nipples! I want you to touch me, fuck me, just do it for the love of God!"

" I give that answer a solid 6. You can do better than that." She ran the rod so lightly over Momo's nipple, so she could hardly feel it.

Looks like she'll have to bring out the big guns. " Ohhh god. Please touch my nipples. Make them red and raw. Don't stop there though. I want you to feel how wet I am for you. I want you to fuck me hard. I need you to." Momo could hear heavy breathing on the other end of the line.

Pant "You are" Pant " doing this wrong. I am supposed to be arousing you." She swallowed hard. " 10 dear. A solid 10."

"hmm!" She could finally feel those glorious vibrations on her nipples.

" I want you to imagine my lips. Right there."

Oh and she could. Just imagining her tongue rapping around her stiff rosy nipples was turning her into a moaning mess. She couldn’t stop the waves of euphoria traveling straight to her core. She wanted to see this woman desperately.

The vibrator abandoned her nipples and went down to where her panties should have been, if they hadn't have been violently torn off earlier. Momo shuddered at the fact that soon she would be feeling these vibrations in criminal places.

"Should I do it? Are you ready to be fucked?"

She didn't answer. It slowly, agonizingly kept going down.

" I would positively love to run my tongue over your gorgeous pussy. Sing for me angle." She just barely touched her clit a pulled away.

"Ahhh? Why did you stop?"

"I plan to stick to what I said . Remember? You like being teased." She ran it over her clit a little harder this time.

"Ahhh! Please more." She greatly regretted tell her she liked to be teased.

She moved the rod in a line from the bottom of her slit all the way up to her clit. " Oh darling surely you didn't lie to me, but it seems like you want things a little rougher." To further prove her point she pushed down on her clit hard.

Momo let out an ear shattering scream. Surely the neighbors heard her. Thank God the members weren't home. "What whould you do if I said I did?"

"It is my job to pleasure you princess. I would do whatever it is that will make you scream."

The tip just barley lined her entrance. She moaned loudly, and then it slipped inside her, easily, dripping with her natural lubricant. She heard a rather feminine squeal from the other side of the line. At least she knew she wasn't alone.

She wonered if this was a regular occurrence or something reserved solely for this particular call, something that had never happened before.

"You're beautiful."

Momo exhaled. "You – You don't know that."

"You're beautiful," she repeated.

She had neither the time nor the focus to argue her point. She could feel the vibrations deep inside her. She grabbed the corners of her bed with both hands, steadying herself as the device surged in and out. The first few times, it went all the way in and then all the way out, teasing her and testing her. She was grinding her teeth, aching for release, aching for the moment her senses would come together and then fall apart.

The device move around inside her. Hitting her at different angles until Momo let out a high pitched squeal.

" There it is." Her mystery woman said.

Once she found that spot within her it was all over. She pounder her hard making sure to hit that spot every time. She knew exactly what she was doing. She knew she needed something harder, darker, and faster, and lord she was giving it to her.

Momo dug her nails into the bed as she slid in and out of her. The force combined with the second-by-second collision of what was happening and the possibility of more, had her delirious. There was only the growing chance that one of these thrusts would eventually unravel her from the bottom up.

She breathed out, moaning and gasping for dear life.

She hoped these sounds turned her on. She hoped these sounds drove her over the edge of no return.

She hoped these sounds would ingrain themselves into the depths of her memory, where she'd be forced to remember this night, where she'd be forced to remember her.

In the mist of all of this, she felt a little glimmer in her stomach. A little ember that was being fanned into a wildfire that exploded every nerve in her body.

Momo tossed her head back, knocking the daylights out of her as she slammed it against her bed. She cried out – chest heaving and heart racing – caught in wave after wave of rapturous triumph. Her face and hair was covered in sweat. She shook and quivered and practically bit a hole through her bottom lip.

The feeling consumed her wholly, so much so that she barely registered her partner's mirroring reaction.

The world came crashing down moments latter. She was still Momo the famous pop idol. She was still in her room. She was still in a call with a stranger that turned her inside out.

She could hear the woman's breathing calm down. This stranger. She could easily be a stalker, or a murderer. The thought scared her but excited her all the same.

"It's technically against the rules to ask this, but I would love to do this again. My darling baby Momo."

That's it. Her life was over. Might as well hand in her resignation now. She knew, and there is no way anyone would keep quiet about this. " I beg you. Please don't say anything about this."

She laughed a little. " Momo you are so dense. This could ruin me to. Actually, I am quite surprised that you don't recognize my voice. Goodnight my little song bird."

"WAIT!!!" She had already ended the call. "Shoot, I didn't even get her name. How could this ruin her? I'm the famous pop star here. Oh, the headlines tomorrow will be atrocious."

Momo was interrupted from her panic by her cell phone ringing. "Oh a text."

Sana:

Momo, make sure you turn off the headset to save battery life.

" There is no fucking way."

[bellysurfer]

walls could talk (hermitcraft abandoned shadows au fanfic uwu)

Joyful collapsed to his knees. He felt their entire body tremble as the sky erupted, exploding with shards of blinding light. The shadow clasped his arms around his skinny frame, shutting his eyes tight as tears stung his cheeks. A horrific boom shook the very atmosphere, power vibrating through its waves.

The ground of the plains where he had sat, a distance from the portal, felt cold and unwelcoming. It was hard, barren in a way that he hadn’t noticed before.

The quill he pressed desperately to his chest vanished in a wisp of air. His head hurt. *Bad*. Confusion and terror blinded him, stealing reality from Joy and forcing him into his own thoughts.

Lost in himself, he didn’t hear the tears, the booming voice declaring the new shadow, or even the footsteps slamming against the ground toward him. He was tired. He was scared. He didn’t care.

Puzzler was gone.

Everything that he had feared, was gone. All those days of regret, of anger, frustration. Hating his manipulator, Killjoy, the other shadows, his summoner... *himself*. It was all gone. Kicked into the dust. Broken into a million pieces like the sky. None of it mattered. He was free. But so, so, terrified.

Joyful felt a hand grab at his shoulder, shoving him back into reality. His hands left his heaving sides and flailed about, looking for something, anything to steady him. He recognized the shape, the body. He felt his head, his hair. It was all too familiar.

“Joe?” He whispered in disbelief. He choked, his throat stinging as a flood poured out from his eyes. “Joe, is... is that you?”

Something shifted away from his hand as he lifted it to touch its face. It sighed. A deep, painful sigh, one of gentle understanding with stifled frustration. Joy could tell the Joe-like thing that held him in the present had been waiting a long time to see him in a bundle on the floor, pained, powerless, afraid, fallen, and completely *helpless*.

It sneered at him. “Almost...” Killjoy hummed softly. Joy didn’t like the sound of his voice, it felt like the sound of a knife grinding a countertop, like nails screeching on a chalkboard, and yet it was so low and menacing, like dusk over a long-dead forest.

“No,” Joy moaned, horrified, as Killjoy weighed his hand more heavily on his shoulder, digging his nails past his shirt into his shadowy flesh.

“What I’ll never understand is why you did it. What did he promise you? Greatness? Power? The rush of energy crackling in the air as you dug your sword into your victims?” The other shadow hissed.

“No!” Joyful shouted, his anger lashing out like snakes at the idea. He shook his head, the sensation of overwhelming frustration with his right to defend himself leaving instantly. Did he deserve his own justification? Did it matter if it was for love? It was still so selfish...

“Then what.” Killjoy lashed back, challenging, then lowered his tone slightly when he saw that Joy had broken down into tears again, lost in his own thoughts of doubt. “Why did you help him? Why did you obey?”

“He made me.”

“Liar!”

Killjoy’s words stung the broken shadow like a vicious swarm of wasps. He knew he was right. He was lying. He kept running from the truth, scared it would claw him to shreds if he turned to accept it. But now, it was time. Time to stop running. If he couldn’t accept himself, then what was he?

“Fine.” Joy spat. He was aware of Killjoy’s curious gaze on him, willing him to elaborate.

“He said... it would make me better than you. That if I could write the future, I could stop you. He said...” The burning sensation in his throat came back in full force, to the point where he struggled to breathe, words coming out in wheezes of something resembling words. But Killjoy understood. All too well.

“He said... he said that...”

“He said that Joe would love you. More than me.” Joy looked up to see the original shadow gazing into his soul, shaking his head slightly. He was more than surprised when he moved to wipe the tears from his eyes, then took his hand back as if thinking better of it, then settling on laying it on his other shoulder.

Joyful broke. He fell into Killjoy’s arms, much to both of their surprise, but he didn’t care. No words came out, just heaves of breath as he let it all out. Frustrated bumbling was reduced to desperate cries as Joy let himself go.

In that moment, with his burning mouth, his numb muscles, jelly bones, sticky, stained cheeks, he was more honest than he had ever been.

It felt good to be honest.

Killjoy looked down at the small, curled up mess that clung to his collar and stained his shirt with tears. He growled, thinking of how he had just had it washed, but only for a moment. Kill awkwardly held the other shadow, lifting him up a bit so that his head leaned against his chest. He closed his eyes, muttering nothing in particular, amazing himself with his own sympathy.

He remembered when he had felt like that. Lost in his own mind. Struggling to find the difference between his logical thoughts and irrational feelings. He had felt dishonest before, too.

Maybe there was a part of him that still did.

They sat like that for a while. Just holding eachother, comforting both of them with the warmth between them.

No one bothered them during that time. If they heard them, or saw them in that little closed-off field, they left them alone. And such that Killjoy was only mildly aware of the pitter-patter of feet against the ground coming closer. He lifted his head suddenly, startled out of what had seemed like some distant dream, that was until he looked down and saw Joyful still clutching his collar, now asleep against his chest, cheeks red with grief.

Kill made out Joe through his fogged glasses, and sighed, out of relief or embarrassment he didn’t himself know. The man’s hair flipped wildly in the wind, covering his face before throwing itself behind his head, almost pulling him with it, as he approached in the now very windy valley.

The shadow slowly got to his feet, feeling his own hair flutter against his cheeks, as if it was angry at him for the weather itself. Killjoy steadied himself, hauling Joy up with him, knowing that whatever state he was in, Joyful was worse.

Joe ran to greet them, holding his shadows, suddenly shooting Kill into a reality he had only been vaguely aware of. “Howdy...” he mumbled, blinking himself awake.

“Is... is he, okay?

“What? Oh, Joyful. Yes. He um...” his gaze turned to the small figure stumbling to get his own weight of the ground with Killjoy’s steadying grip. “He’ll be okay. He’s not taking it too well.”

“Taking what well? Puzzler is gone, we should be happy...” Joe muttered, half to himself, voice soft with concern.

“Y’know, I think I’ll let him talk to you about that.” The man nodded, seeming to understand. “Right now, he just needs some rest.”

Killjoy looked back down at Joyful. The other shadow shook himself, suddenly aware. He seemed to know what they had been talking about, and nodded, giving a small smile to his summoner. He began to stumble off, and Killjoy held his arm back with concern he didn’t know he had. But Joyful shook his head.

“I need to go lie down.” Joy choked out, and Joe nodded in agreement.

Now alone with his summoner, Killjoy watched as Joyful shakily made his way out of the field. He met his eye, and watched as Joe turned to go back to the clamor of people around the new shadow.

“Wait.” Killjoy watched as he turned back towards him, eyebrows peaked in expectation.

“I-I don’t know how to say this.” He started, surprising himself that he was doing this.

Joe tilted his head, eyes warm behind his lens, nodding him on in encouragement, clearly interested in what his shadow had to say.

“I’m sorry.” When Joe didn’t respond, he continued. “I’m sorry, for what I did. I know we’ve come a long way, but... I couldn’t move on. Without, saying sorry. I know it’s dumb...”

“It is not dumb!” Joe replied, raising his voice more than Killjoy had ever heard it before, as if he was scolding him. As if he was angry for thinking that his emotions weren’t valid. Kill chuckled a little. He still felt he didn’t deserve Joe, but maybe it wasn’t about that. Maybe he needed Joe.

“I forgave you before you were sorry, Killjoy. The moment that you did something, I had found a way to love you. I never gave up on you.” He knew that each word was true. He felt relieved. Like a weight was off his shoulders.

“Thank you, Joe.” Killjoy sighed, meeting his gaze, feeling more calm than he had in months.

“Come on. I gotta introduce you to the new guy.” Joe strode off, talking avidly about Grian’s new buddy. He follow along, exciting himself with the sensation of feeling, of emotion. He carried on, close behind, always like a shadow. And maybe, it was time to accept it.

[someone-ds]

Rant

Looking in the mirror what do you see? Fuck it. what do you want to see? I just want you to be fucking happy Why can't you be happy I do everything for you. I go therapy, I take medicine, I go out, I eat, I see friends and still it's not enough for you, is it?

You've stolen my mind taken my brain and left it to rot in the corner you poisoned my heart and left it to suffocate in my empty chest. You took everything that makes me me and more. you took people from me, actual real humans you took them away you stole them from me you took them you did this

are you proud? mh? are you? Tell me you fucking are because I would be if my plans where working the way yours are. I started again, built my way up gave you everything left in me and you, you still give up on me? Did you give up on yourself? pathetic. Look at you crying in public like a broken human. A pathetic broken piece of flesh with feelings.

I am so angry at you why do you do that? You hurt people and you hurt yourself. I hate you I do. I've said it a million times and I'll say it again I hate you and I would rather be anyone else than you. You are a poor excuse of a human  I doubt even your therapist who you are paying to listen will want to hear you go on and on about your pathetic life. At the end of the day who will want you anyway huh?

I want to quit I want to throw my life away haha I want to go. just not exist sounds fucking amazing right now fuck.

I miss her. Sometimes in times like this, I miss her. I miss her comforting look. I miss her hand in my hair. I miss her weight on my left side. I miss her calming voice in my ears telling me that it will be alright. I miss falling asleep and knowing that the first thing I'll see is her. I miss the peace she brought me. I miss the way she makes me feel. And I hate how weak I am. How fucking mental do you have to be wanting someone back who could never love you freely? someone who could never love all of you.someone that could never love you enough to scream it out to the rest of the world. Someone who would never show you off, someone who is embarrassed by you. Oh fuck. How weak do you have to be to want her back ey?

And now you miss him mh? The way he always listened to you the way his body was perfectly shaped to fit against yours. The way he sees life and his ability to let you think you're special. You miss his lies and stupid words. You miss his company and his hands around your waist. You miss the thrill of being with him, you miss being alive, don't you? You miss his encouraging words and tales about his world. You miss being his number one. Number one for once and at what cost? You don't care you'll do anything just to be someone's number one.

And NOW you miss this other person. Someone that calms you down. Keeps you grounded and makes you believe in yourself. Someone that trusted your judgment like no one else. Someone who made sure you were okay. Someone who thought the same thoughts and dreamed the same dreams. Yeah, that one person you met and never imagined falling for. Yeah, this person the one that makes you see stars and believe in fairy tales. The one that makes you laugh like no one else. The one who gets you and loves you for who you are. The one person who was there when all others failed to pick you off the ground. This person. you miss him, don't you?

God, when will this madness end? When will my heart settle for someone within my reach?  

I am angry so damn angry you wouldn't recognize me. It's a pity. I lost myself between anger and grief. Between sadness and anxiety. Between the 30 personalities, I acquired to please everyone. Oh, what I would do to go back in time slap myself and tell myself to grow some fucking balls. I would do everything to be able to escape into a foreign country and just figure out what I want to do with my life. I love my ability to think about parallel universes and just imagining everything around me disappearing for me to breathe freely again. My lungs collapsed a long time ago. It feels like I can't breathe anymore. My blood is cold even though I am burning with anger inside of me. I hate all of this man. People told me that now my life would kick-off. Everyone said that my life just started but it feels like I've lived a hundred years and my life is falling down a fucking hole. They said I'll get better. They said that I'll do better, they said I'll manage. But how? No one told me how no one said how to survive in a world where everyone wants you to fail. How should I survive all of this on my own without my head exploding? Tell me! Tell me how the fuck I survive how? How does one live anyway? I hate this god I hate all of this.