#if it’s been up for more than 5 mins then it’ll stay up lolol

[e77y]

Umm perhaps taking a brief hiatus from the internet altogether. Unless I feel better in the morning (I probably will) lmao

[hellotvv]

Life continues to be fairly interesting haha. I had a pretty decent weekend overall. I believe on Friday, I went to the fair with my friend Brent, Elizabeth, Kristy, and Jessica. The fair in SB was honestly not bad! I had fun going on rides with my friends, eating fair food, and just walking/chatting. Later that night, we had game night at my friend’s Brents place. Julian put on the project some really fun party game that everyone could just connect and play using the phone! Was really fun and I plan on buying it, so when ppl come to my place, we have idk fun games to play instead of just watching youtube on my chromecast LOL. I think Bryan, Olivia, Elizabeth, Brent, Julian, Kristy, Jessica, and me all played and had a great night. On Saturday, it was a bit more simple. I had a really busy day on Saturday, since I had to get some studying done for my midterm on Monday for minority literature class. I knew my cousin was visiting UCSB this weekend, since she said she was. But I’m surprised she didn’t hit me up to show her around. It would have been actually inconvenient if she did :( since ideally I would have the whole day to show her a ton of stuff. But I had a music appreciation concert at 7 PM that I had to go to at night, and I had to study quite a bit. Surprisingly, she did not hit me up at all, and only ended up snapping me that she was at SB later that night haha. She was in one of the freshmen dorms, so I’m guessing she already had a friend that let her stay in her dorm and showed her around :O. I was a bit worried that if I didn’t show her all the cool stuff about SB, my cousin wouldn’t be too interested in attending and choose UC Merced in the end... ;-;!! Anyways, ended up going to concert that night, was super boring, left during intermission since didn’t have to stay till end just needed to stay long enough to write a paper on it. Then I went to library and studied with Kristy and Jessica until like 1 AM. Went home, knocked out, and idk. Sunday, I think I got lunch with Brent and Elizabeth, then I somehow procrastinated the day away, but pulled a strong all nighter to finish studying for my minority lit class lol. The midterm went okie not bad, and then I studied for my music appreciation class quiz that was at 12 PM today. Think I did pretty good on that, and passed out for a while. Got dinner with Brent, and talked to him. We talked about how it’s already week 5 of our last quarter of our 3rd year... Graduation is coming up and much scary ;-;... I asked him what he’s gonna do after grad, and he immediately answered about Elizabeth. Since Elizabeth lives in Washington, but attends UCSB, and I wonder what she’ll do after graduation. Like would she move to California or find work back in Washington, who knows :O Brent said he doesn’t know what she’ll do, but he does suggest that she’ll prob move to LA, since LA is way cooler than Washington haha. Anyways, I did ask him oh man what if we all drift apart after graduation. Since Bryan lives in Thousand Oaks and is kinda far, Rickie lives in Washington, and etc. Brent said it kinda sucks, but it’ll happen. He did say that we’ll still hang out, since he can always drive down to OC and it’s only like 45 mins. I also said that I could always go up to LA and hang too. Thankfully Kristy and Jessica will be nearby, and Henry lives near Brent. So it’s not like we’ll all drift apart. Just kinda will be diff not being able to hang out with the friends I hang out every week with anymore, but I guess that’s life yo. I’ve gone through it from going from HS to College, and I’m sure the friendships will stay strong. It’ll be those friendships where even tho you don’t see each other every day or maybe even text that often, when you do hangout it’s like no time has passed :) Idk life yo.

Onto another topic, my cousin revealed to me that she actually SIRed to UCSB today!!! Woo, I told her we needed to have a celebration dinner or something together. She told me that she needed a bunch of life advice haha for college. I remember being in the same position worrying the same things like if I’ll make friends, what classes to take, and etc. She was super thankful and kept telling me how much she loved me, when I offered her advice LOL. I just want her to be successful and learn from my mistakes and become a doctor for me, incase I don’t make it LOL! So maybe this weekend if time permits, I’ll meet up with her and talk :D But I’m glad she idk got convinced, will prob have to ask her how did she get convinced lolol. I have a 66.6666% success rate now 2/3!! For the rest of my week, it’ll pretty much just be a bunch of studying for my midterm on Friday. Afterwards, I’ll be going home for the weekend for my mom’s bday and possibly to shoot with Sabrina and Cindy!! Woo :D haven’t seen/shot with either of them in a long time~ They both hit me up to shoot, so I feel special ;-; and wanted! 

Overall, life is going okie can’t complain. Tried to eat slightly more now and work out too, so I build some more muscle. Uhm, I’ve kinda been in a pretty content mood nowadays. Like I’m back to a phase where I’m happy with what I have, not too stressed, have some stuff to look forward to to keep me going, and yeah. 

The idea of relationships and love is something that I contemplate about a lot. I obviously always liked the idea of a SO, and I think that actually this year/4th year would probably be the last best times for a while to date a girl. Since I’ll still be in school and don’t look poorly in the dating scene, if I don’t have a job or idk. I’ll still be supported by my parents, but old enough to do cool things/go on adventures like going to Vegas this summer. I have a nice place and live alone, since I still attend school in SB, and not crazy busy, but have enough free time to spend with a SO. But the problem is, I haven’t really met anyone that really caught my interest... I mean kinda Amandi for a bit, but after finding out about what type of person she is, obv not gonna interact with her too much lmao. Maybe this sounds cocky or whatever, but I COULD date Chloe, if I truly wanted to. I mean Chloe is a decent looking girl, she’s fairly nice, and I could see myself in an okay relationship with her. But the problem is, I like her mostly as a friend, and just not that into her... Like I’m not that physically attracted to her, not that she’s bad looking or anything, and I’m not that idk mentally attracted to her. We just don’t have that much in common, and she prob only likes me for my looks?? Who knows. The thing is, I suppose a lot of ppl my age are kinda dating for fun or maybe some are serious. So it’s not like I have to date someone with the intention of long term commitment, I could just date and have fun with her for a while. Who knows, she might be wanting just the same thing. But the problem is, idk it’s just not me tho. Like let’s say we do date and have fun together spending time together, but what if I meet some cooler girl that I’m more attracted to while I’m dating her. Like I suppose the right answer is to idk keep it professional and stay with Chloe or the other option is to dump Chloe and date the new girl. But idk then I could be potentially hurting her if I did that and I wouldn’t want that. I’d be kinda leading her on, and it’s something I don’t want to do to ppl. Like idk I feel like if I date someone that I’m not totally into, it’s a disservice to them and myself, since they deserve better tbh. I think everyone deserves someone who truly cares about them and wants them, isn’t settling, or etc etc etc. So I don’t wanna date someone if I’m not completely into them, since they deserve someone who truly do and someone who thinks they’re amazing. I would want the same for myself. So I guess that’s a small dilemma that I have. I like the idea of dating someone, now’s probably one of the best possible times to do so, and I could. But I like being serious about someone, I don’t wanna hurt anyone by dating them if I’m not really into them, and I obv want to date someone that I am really into and would be proud of showing them off. So yeah, small dilemma, I guess the right choice is to not lead Chloe on too much, and prob not pursue anything with her. I suppose all I can and should be doing is continue to be chill and content/happy hanging out with my cool friends, keep myself busy with school/hobbies, and eventually I’ll meet someone who I’m truly into and they’ll hopefully be into me too? :O

That’s it for now... Back to writing my music appreciation paper, and The Flash episode tomorrow is gonna be lit af...