#why is communication always the first thing to go T_T

[kiddotarot]

Thank you so much for the reading! I hope I wasn’t too late! I went blank as soon I went through your reading, I’m not sure of the reason though! But here is the feedback!

Emotions

Interestingly, you mention soulmate because I always tried to find wholeness in friendships. Well, that went bad haha but I think it correlates to your reading and taught me that I’m enough as I am and I don’t need someone to do things I can do myself. I initially did want my mother to create a beautiful environment for me but I’m very grateful for the environment she raised me in and for creating the person I am today. I do wish we cleared the misunderstandings and brought in a little more patience and empathy between us. This is SO true! I could never function without acceptance, but with recent introductions of rejections and failures, I’ve lost the emotional requirement for acceptance and administration.

Why are you here

This reminder was needed, thank you. I do feel responsible for incidents which logically speaking I wasn’t even involved in. Ah, I think I’m doing everything but that, I should make more efforts to connect to the divine and stop feeling and reacting to every occurrence.

Past life vibration

I don’t have a weak immunity now so I like to think it would be the former. Again intriguing because I was always attracted to the profession of healing and constantly asked to pursue it. Yes, I do neglect myself so I do need to nourish myself physically and mentally.

Communication issues

I’m not focusing on my spiritual side properly so I’m unable to accurately figure out a person but yes. People can’t fool me. Looking into their dark side, I do but I don’t use it against them. I don’t even let them know about it. I think as a result of my failed friendships, I found it necessary to analyse every person around me. But yes haha, I’ll stop it as soon as possible.

Love issues

Ah is this why I’m so repulsed by relationships? T_T But yes, I think I need no help in that department! I’m already on the way to completing myself.

Life path

My inner security is somewhat lacking so I’m glad you brought it to my notice. I do need to figure out what my inner resources are though. I’m also learning to detach myself from toxicity so the reminder popping up is also a good sign!

Past life Childhood

Self-image destroyed in childhood? This life, I did build it up but lost it again in my teenhood. I do need to fix that though.

Submitting to a powerful male… Is that the reason why I can’t stand men who try to ‘fix’ me? Past life trauma? Fortunately I have extremely good parents who wouldn’t let that happen so I think those problems do end in this life.

Mother karma

This explains why I’m so connected and protective of my mother in this life. I’ve experienced most of the lessons I’ve learned in life with my mother so I think that says something.

Healing

This. I did stop all my outlets to creativity because of certain events but I’ll start over again. Finding myself, I’m on the journey I hope.

Thank you so much again for your energy and time! I hope this review is satisfactory! If I’ve missed out on anything, please let me know!

I also have some questions I hope you don’t mind answering! If you don’t want to or can’t, please feel free to ignore it!

1) What did you mean by my parents not being there for me?

2) Are any curses or bad karma left over from my previous birth? (I would love to rectify them T_T)

3) Could this be my last birth since you mentioned practising detachment to become one with the divine?

First of all thank you so much for this long feedback its really going to help me to improve my practice. Now let get on question.

1. Every souls carried some wounds and bad experience related to childhood it also effect over current lifetime you can see a person and tell them they have a old soul which is more experienced like a child in a home is more mature and patience( mostly eldest child )than his parents and siblings then its and old soul our soul take birth to experience what missed and not complete desire it important to get let go and stay fullness in your heart and not to carry this experience in next birth.

2.Our karmas governed by saturan he is the real lord of our karma which we are going to experience in this lifetime and creating here your saturan sits in 10H and lord of 4H and 5H some parts its means karma related to family, property, childhood, romentic connection and work place your profession i think chiron( not sure ) is also there so your family can also a healing place for you .

3. Most of the people i read who are into spirituality and tarot , chart and other practice get it its the human life ultimate goal to do karma without any greed and get detached and build connection to Divine. You are lucky you are on right path .🫂

[multiplicity-positivity]

hello! do you perhaps have any advice, or know of any resources for situations where the collective cannot agree on important decisions? like, say, some have come to absolutely hate a friend and want to cut off contact, some are still attached and would be very sad and griefing if the friendship is lost, some is thinking of compromising where only the ones who want to talk to that friend would do so (but will not work bc the ones who hate this person would still be exposed to them anyway bc of shared memory, when the healthiest thing to do for them is walk away. which also cannot work bc it will devastate the ones who want to stay friends with said person)

Hiya! Woof, our system really struggles with this ourselves! >_< and I don’t think we’re gonna have an easy, straightforward answer for you! We’re really sorry!! T_T But we can still try to share some stuff that our own system is working on when it comes to making decisions, if that’s okay!

Okay, so first off, communicate! >w<

It’s really important to keep up an open dialogue and communicate with each other, especially when it comes to making big decisions! If someone wants to do something, ask them why! And do the same for the headmates who don’t want to do something! And like, try not to make fun of, belittle, or lash out at headmates for being vulnerable and sharing their reasons for having a certain opinion! Not every headmate will think the same way or want the same things! So just talking to each other and trying to get everyone’s opinions can at least help y’all all get on the same page :33

Next, maybe try taking a vote!

Um, if the vast majority of the headmates in your system want something, and only a couple don’t maybe it would be worth it to do it anyway! But at the same time, keep in mind the feelings of the headmates who aren’t getting what they want or whose votes are being overruled. Maybe try explaining to them why the system as a collective is going to be making this choice in particular, and why those who voted for it believe it is the best choice!

But the biggest thing (at least for our sys!) is…

Compromising!!!

Making compromises is essential for every system. Yeah it sucks that not all headmates can always make their own choices or get what they want all the time, but compromising is a great way to help everyone feel seen, acknowledged, and find a path that more or less works for everyone! >w<

Okay, so let’s try and use your example (but keep in mind we don’t know you personally or your history, so please don’t take our potential compromise as the only solution here!)

You brought up a good compromise by saying that only the headmates who want to be in touch with this friend could do so, though it would impact the headmate who doesn’t want to be in touch because of shared memories. To further this compromise, maybe you could help this headmate access tools for proper emotional regulation and learning how to sit with, accept, and come to terms with painful memories and negative emotions. Everyone will form bad memories or experience bad emotions at some point or another in their lives! >_<” But equipping this headmate with the tools to manage their emotions in healthy ways might make it easier to live with the memories of other headmates interacting with this friend.

It’s impossible for anyone to live their whole lives without ever having to make a compromise… but for systems, we headmates may find that learning how to compromise is way more important than it is for singlets!!

I’ll be honest, many members of our system love wikihow and we (Ralsei and Margo) have personally gotten a lot of use out of wikihow over the years! We’re including a link to a wikihow article on compromising - maybe y’all could find some use in it!

Also, if your system is in therapy, this would be a perfect subject to talk through with your therapist! They might have some good ideas or suggestions tailored to your system’s needs specifically, and could probably help y’all in ways that we won’t be able to!! >w<

Good luck to y’all though with figuring this out!! Gosh, we know that trying to make group decisions is not easy, especially when it comes to big things that headmates have opposing views on. We really hope though that y’all will be able to find ways to communicate and compromise in the future!! :33

[cyaino]

Omg I pulled an all nighter reading your fic, it’s SO good!? I remember reading through the first chapter thinking how amazingly floored I was, then I was completely sucked in entirely. Oh the comforts of my bed, a day off from work/school, enjoying an amazing Star Wars fic is the best way to re-energize.

I love love this fic so so much: How you fleshed out different characters that I could tell apart their traits for who they are—you giving each character their own spot light to shine and balancing out their interactions with other characters—it makes the world feel more lived in and lively: Obiwan being a sweetheart, Ahsoka being her silly self, even making more OCs up with Emma!!!, etc., how there’s actual support for/from other women characters (makes me so sad whenever anakin fics paint Padmé as just an obstacle), the writing style is such a wonderful mix of gorgeous, serious tone settings and also humor (I can’t count how many times I giggled and kicked my feet with what transpired), and I just LOVE the first few chapters so much with the plot of language barrier. I think it’s such a compelling story arc where the characterization is only through physical movements and tone; forced to be in the same helpless state as the Reader being confused about the newness of it all—the misunderstandings, the desperation finding different methods to communicate, body language/facial expressions. SO SO GOOD!!! AND YOU STILL PORTRAYED THEM SO WELL!!!

The plot is so interesting too with how much mystery shrouds—I came up already with so many theories of why things are happening/how they’ll end (really hyping myself up for Anakin/Padmé/Reader endgame); I won’t add it though cause this ask is already so long/don’t wanna accidentally spoil newcomers T_T but I love when fics work out storylines in a multidimensional way with it’s varying complexities of “what is going on…”

Chpt 12 was so beautiful too with how you described the setting of the foliage and lighting, ooooh I am living within your fic!!

I can’t wait to see more of your future chapters and where you’ll lead the story—I’m so so excited (for more horrors Reader will face LMAO) 💗

Btw! Do you have any fav Star Wars x Reader fic recs (LOL recs autocorrected to Rex’s)

AAAAAA omg i had to read this like four times cos i kept getting flustered, thank you for such lovely long messages <3 I always come back to these when I'm feeling lost while writing

It's hard to talk about without spoiling because I have so much planned out already, but it's so cool to see reactions as things develop. i need to write faster so I can babble about things that haven't been revealed yet

I'm particularly excited to develop the love triangle (more of a web tbh) and see people's reactions.

I'm so happy that the mystery is coming across too! It's so hard to balance the right amount of clues without being too vague or too forward ;; This is my first multi chapter fic, so I'm learning as I go, but it's been a lot of fun :D

Unfortunately I haven't been in the fandom very long, so I don't have any recs but i'll try to post about them when I do !

Again thank youu, sorry I take forever to respond, I'm a busy-adhd-bee but i appreciate it so much <3

[portokali]

for the book ask!! 3, 24 🌸

3. What were your top five books of the year?

hiiiii good question good question

in no particular order:

📖 braiding sweetgrass by robin wall kimmerer. this book... her writing voice, she spoke so tenderly about life and nature, and it was the first time i read anything about the environment that actually introduced the idea of reciprocity and a practical yet optimistic approach to the climate crisis.. very life-affirming. i'd recommend this book to most ppl i know who read, and specifically you!

📖 bloodchild and other stories by octavia e. butler. she... has to be one of the smartest authors i've ever read and is probably my fav scifi author.. short story collections are almost always a mixed lot, but i loved these. each one felt very carefully worked on and complete in its own way. i love butler's ability to take a concept and weave a story that carries it across.. but heavy trigger warnings, especially for the first and titular story.. dont get me wrong i cant stop thinking about it (the wonder!).. but also .. i cant stop thinking about it (the horror!)

📖 the brothers karamazov took me almost a whole year to finish so i can't not include it.. a masterpiece.. they are literally my best friends, all 3 of the brothers... the fucking thing is that, whether an old man in 19th century russia or even by contemporary standards, i heavily disagree w his views on religion and politics, but unlike other religious artists (of all mediums), he actually uses religion to communicate life and love in a way that resonate and confront me despite, despite, despite. love how and author can sometimes reach through centuries and distance and past the layer of translation between us and still speak to me right in my soul. also if you wanna read it in greek ρε η μεταφραση του αλεξανδρου ειναι τοσο μιμαμπλ και αστεια, εχω κυριολεκτικα φτιάξει ενα εξελ με τις βρισιες και τους χαρακτηρισμους που ειχε το βιβλιο γιατι ηταν τοσο καλα που επρεπε να τα σημειωσω. ήξερα οτι θα τα παμε καλα με αυτη τη μεταφραση οταν ειδα οτι τον καραμαζοφ αντι για μεγαλογειοκτημονα τον λέει τσιφλικα.. λαικ.. που αλλου... ΠΟΥ αλλου...

📖 beloved by toni morrison... a masterpiece.. a masterpiece! my second morrison and it only further affirmed that shes one of my favorite authors of all time.. head in hands... head in hands..

📖 the left hand of darkness by ursula le guin. i got my friend to read this book recently and have been talking to them abt it again, it's literally such a great book to discuss w fellow nonbinary and trans ppl.. i do think le guin was a genius and the way she talks abt gender and gender roles is endlessly fascinating, but it's also a story about love, patriotism, duty and sacrifice... and it's good..

honorary mentions: station eleven, notes of a crocodile, the haunting of hill house, we need new names

24. Did you DNF anything? Why?

yes T_T i dnf'd loveless by alice oseman just this month.. this book didn't have much of a plot, it's mostly a slice of life story telling a single character's coming out journey - i craved something with more than that going on, personally. it got tiring and i didn't have the patience for it.

[raxistaicho]

You're definitely reminding why I blocked you in the first place. I love how you played the victim when your ass got banned from the server because, "I just wanted to discuss things and they censored me T_T" but this is how you behave when you get the chance to discuss things.

Did you touch grass like I told you to? Is that why you're here now? Please go back outside and touch more grass, you look pathetic.

I'm not sure I'm the one who needs to touch grass, but oh well, that's not what I'm here for this time.

But nah, mostly I'm just replying because of the,

I made a take about M'Ladle

line, because it was a perfect little encapsulation of the sexism I so often see from anti-Edelgard sentiment. Of course she's "m'lady" and I'm defending her, she's a a female character, why else would I agree with her other than because of waifu?

It's funny how fandoms are always calling into question the validity of a fictional woman's popularity, and it's not at all an endemic issue in the Fire Emblem community in particular. We neeeeeveeeer saw this ugliness before with Lyn, Micaiah, and Lucina.

One of my favorite memes out of the discourse is the legendary "reasonable Edelgard fan" who either "likes her as a villain" or just sits down and shuts up while folks around here exaggerate her negative qualities to absurd levels.

The first reminds me of the very old days of the discourse, where you basically had to open any pro-Edelgard comment with, "now I know she's an awful villain, but-" or get mocked because even fewer people understood her motives back then.

The second is just a very basic misunderstanding of how people work. This might surprise you, but people tend to identify with characters they really like, or even with just any preference they strongly hold, so calling their likes or favorite characters all manner of horrible thing feels like a personal attack. It's not especially sensible, but human nature often isn't. We're not hyper-rational beings.

And that's why I do what I do. I don't argue on behalf of Edelgard (for one, if she actually existed she could just defend herself, lol), I do it on behalf of people who like her and might get hurt to be told a character they like and identify with is some sort of racist, genocidal, imperialist, when they don't see her that way.

Anyways, now that I had a few moments to be serious, let's get goofy!

#raxytatortots

And I thought "raxistachio" was stupid.

#lmaooo#uwu#uwuwuwu

Hell yeah, good argument.

#new system def doesnt favor her priviliged friends

How does it, though? You keep asserting points you aren't even trying to defend.

#like bernadetta who shouldnt be a noble

And you go to the woman again, very interesting. Are you going to use evidence from the game itself to argue that she's incompetent and undeserving of any position post-game, or are you just going to gesture vaguely at perceived incompetence?

Also, Bernadetta is a noble in Rhea's system. That's not on Edelgard.

Edelgard’s lack of interest in looking into the history of Fodlan beyond what her (dubiously reliable) father and (fantasy Nazi torture squad) TWSITD tell her is such a clear and glaring character flaw that so many of her “did nothing wrong” fans defend as Good, Actually. Like I can’t wrap my head around it, we know that there’s so much about the history of the continent that El either doesn’t or refuses to learn and while it’s understandable in some ways why she can’t it’s still like. Bad. It’s so clear that if her actual goal was liberation then she would’ve done more research, gone to the church and told them that hey, the Slitherers™️ are at it again and we need to do something. But she doesn’t, because that’s not actually her goal… it’s conquest of the other two nations and an overturning of the current system to favor her (mostly already privileged) friends, plain and simple. But people who either didn’t play any routes but CF or just didn’t pay attention/have poor media analysis skills love to say otherwise. Bluh.

I still can't get over how she was tortured and lost all her siblings to TWSITD and decided that the CHURCH was the biggest threat.

Edelgard 100% believes she is in the right and is the ONLY person who is right and thus is the ONLY person who can bring about change. And with "change" I mean "unify Fodlan and bring it under the control of the Adrestian Empire like it was in the past".

At no point does she consider that Wilhelm's history could've been tampered with, or simply been misunderstood after a whole millenia has passed. And why not? Because it's the only thing that drives her hatred for the church, and if it was disproven then she has no leg to stand on? Probably!

[dumbkiwi]

.

[justmywriting1313]

Taken for Granted (MSBY + Iwa x Reader)

Summary: You were their angel in disguise and they did a great job of destroying that too (starts fluffy and ends angsty. comfort in part 2 if requested)

Pairing: MSBY 4 + Meian and Iwa x reader  (a little bit Kageyama and ushijima x reader)

Trigger warnings: Harsh words from the boys! (except shouyo)

MINI UPDATE: I made a tag for this (taken for granted) and if an ask post comes under it its cause I have an update in that or I’m asking for an opinion so yeah just help me out when you see me asking for an opinion on what you guys want let me know!!! OKie enjoyyyy

Mini Update 2: TAGLIST is now closed...cause well there are 60 0f you and one of me and the one of me is overwhelmed and has not eaten in two days T_T

ALSO FYI: I get one more rude message or ask about when I'm going to write Part 2 or why I haven't written it yet and I swear to god I wont write it. I write these things and share them cause they bring me comfort and I would like to think they bring some of you comfort as well but I also have a life outside of this app/ website believe it or not and that life takes precedence so please

The MSBY jackals team was chaotic... unbelievably talented and chaotic. 

It was a known fact not just through the team and their close friends but through the volleyball community as a whole.

On the court they were unstoppable. A force to be reckoned with. Each player shining in his own way with a trainer who always made sure the boys were at their best but off the court they were all man babies who had never grown up in some area or the other.

You had Atsumu who really was just a whiny-5-year-old-golden-retriever-boy who would give his love to anyone who fed him. More than once Meian or Sakusa have had to pull him away from strangers. Yes he had grown up since his Inarizaki days but not that much. He treated emotional maturity more like choice based on what the situation called for.

Then came big boy Bokuto whose mood swings and depressed moods required a gentle and sensitive touch along with a never ending patience. Though having improved from his high school days Bo liked to be babied and when he didn’t get the attention he wanted he became oh so sulkier. 

Hinata though an absolute ray of sunshine seemed to dance his way into troublesome situations that somehow never had anything to do with him. He needed stern reminders to take breaks and when you put him together with ‘tsumu and bo... well lets just say they were the trifecta for trouble. 

Sakusa you would think is the balance in the group. Mature, calm and collected and having significantly improved his social skills would be a PR dream but NOPE. He was still stubborn and absolutely detested being roped into the shenanigans of the above mentioned boys yet somehow was always at the centre of it all. He always had a long list of demands and was a control freak beyond belief. He like Bo liked his attention but refused to ask for it which made him all the more difficult.  

Together they put Meain (the tired-too-old-for-this-dad) and Iwaizumi the short tempered mom through the ringer. Finding a manager at this point felt like trying to find a nanny for children who could not be tamed. They had gone through more managers than there were players. Imagine the sigh of relief that the whole Volleyball community takes when finally you enter. 

At first glance it seemed like meat being thrown to the wolves. You seemed so delicate with a soft smile and only spoke in gentle tones. You refused to wear sports gear to the boiling hot gym and court. When asked about it you would shrug and say just because the boys were sweaty doesn't mean you needed to be. Much more comfortable in your flowy wide legged pants and knotted shirts. You were the image of soft. Meain and Iwa, both took one look at you and passed you off as another forgotten name manager who wouldn’t have a backbone... 

So imagine their surprise when one stern and strongly worded scolding from you finally got Atsumu to stop running off at games for food or to flirt with the next cute person he saw. He still bickered with the others but finally learnt to stop when he was pushing it too far. 

“‘Tsumu you walk away more than once from the team today and I will be throwing away the onigiri I had Samu specially make for you so you would have a snack for after the game AND I will make sure to schedule you for drills and cardio at night which I know you hate!”

They could only watch open mouthed as one hug and gentle smile or tender look form you had Bokuto coming out of his emo moods and bounding over to show everyone why he was the best. You didn’t even have to say anything for Bokuto to know exactly what you were telling him which always made him jump back up... Magic!

“Bo Its one practice match... you know that right? mistakes are made and thats okay! Its not all on you and what matter more is that you played your best... all you can do is learn from today okay?”

Hinata finally was no longer found in stare off’s and confrontations with people he did not know, you would twirl your way in and with an enduring smile and soft spoken words would diffuse the situation and bring their tangerine back to them. 

“Hi there gentlemen! I don’t know what the problem is but I can assure you that Hinata san had no part in it since he was with me the whole time... Aaah yes I am the manager and thank you so much for understanding. If you don’t mind I’ll be taking him with me! We have a match to prepare for!!”

Most impressive of all was how you had Sakusa’s needs down to a T. No longer did he have conflicting schedules that meant he refused to train that day or had to wait till the evening for the clean up crew to finish. He was always the first one in and out. Every habit was indulged from making all the boys clean up and sanitise after themselves to wearing gloves whenever you had to hand something to him. His stuff was kept separately from the others and sanitised more regularly and best of all you always place him in between Bokuto and Atsumu for interviews so they could carry the conversation.

“Hi Sakusa-san, I hope you had a restful weekend!! Here some sanitiser and don’t worry I stayed and Sanitised all the volleyballs so you're all good to go!”

Meian no longer needed to wrangle them together for the events and make sure they had cleaned up properly. He was now a semi-tired-middle-aged dad who had a little more calm in his life. Since your arrival Iwa no longer had to check his blood pressure everyday and ended his day with a smile. 

You were their angel in disguise...

But that also meant you were sometimes their figurative punching bag. 

After being the longest standing manager of almost 1 year the boys had gotten comfortable to the routines you had created and definitely started taking it for granted... You had taken all of it on the chin though. Every harsh word thrown in a fit of anger and harsh pettiness was taken and presumably wiped away. Atleast that’s how you liked to act and pretend to everyone including yourself though it eventually caught up with you... And the only person to notice was a certain human tangerine,

The day ‘Tsumu wandered off and you were too busy making sure they all had all their pre game rituals to bring him back and he almost missed the line up. 

“What the hell Y/N?? why didn’t ya come and get me?? I almost missed tha line up cause of ya... buck up and do yer job like whats wrong with yer?”  

The image of a red and angry faced ‘tsumu who yelled in your face and then shoved past you was something you kept telling yourself you put aside but one week later, though you greeted him with a smile you never let yourself be alone with him for too long. Atsumu had felt bad but since you had just smiled at him when he said a poor excuse of an apology he thought it was fine. Hinata watched with a frown when you came into work red eyed and kept your distance from your favourite faux blonde who whined for attention. 

The day Bokuto missed a spike that could have set the match in their favour and no kind words or soft smiles from you could do anything. You had followed him to a quiet and isolated corner to talk but you didn't get to say much, 

“And what would you know about working hard huh Y/N?? All you do is stand around, fill water bottles and try to talk about ambition and working hard as if you know anything about it... You have never loved something so much that you would do anything to be the best... You are just some lowly replaceable manager and You know nothing.. Nothing about us or the match so just shut up...” 

The following night the image of what was supposed to be your sweet Bo with a look of anger and hate painted across his face kept you up trying your best to quell the surge of insecurity, hurt and fragility you felt. You told yourself it was okay but you no longer hugged him as tightly as you used to. Bo had arrived to work the next day with the most pitiable expression but he thought it was fine when you said okay with pursed lips. Hinata definitely frowned as he watched you avoid Bo and his larger than life hugs patting his arm and pulling away. Bo sulking and pouting the rest of the day

The time you accidentally left the drafting papers for the line up back at the home court when they came for their away game and Meian was at his ropes end, 

“Y/N-san we hired you to be of help not hindrance... if doing something as simple as packing a folder is a difficult task then you are more than resign... this was such simple task... can’t you do anything right?”

You had definitely not cried to yourself that night and were completely fine and confident. Your eyes were not red and when Hinata along with Kageyama and Ushijima who you used to manage before pulled you aside to ask why your face was puffy you lied and said it was because you ate rice the night before. When Meian tried to pull you aside later to say how sorry he was, Hinata watched as you braced yourself as if expecting a fight before waving the captain of.

You didn’t think Iwa would also be the cause of another sleepless night worrying about your abilities but the day you accidentally scheduled some of the MSBY boys on the same day Iwa trained the adlers proved you wrong as he pulled you into a nearby storage room, 

“It was one thing Y/N! One thing I asked of you... I dont put any workload on you letting you off easy with just managing their game time and you messed that up... If you dont plan on working hard then please dont plan on staying too long!”

You had to wear a long sleeved shirt to hide the bruise of Iwa’s hand gripping your upper arm and you could no longer look him in the eyes, his words hanging heavy in the back of your head. At some point he had tried to corner you to apologise but when he saw the way you tensed up at his touch he let you by without saying a word. When Hinata accidentally walked in on you changing, a look of horror painting his face at the sight of your upper arm you lied and said you fell. You knew that Hinata didn’t believe you.

Hinata had had it. He along with Kageyama had coaxed the truth out of you one Saturday evening when they dropped by for a surprise visit and found you curled up and crying. To say they were angry would be putting it lightly. Kageyama was ready to march up the JVA and have you reassigned that second. Already pulling his phone out to call Kuroo but Hinata stopped him. After a promise of getting the boys to apologise in a weeks time or Tobio and Ushijima were stepping in the boys left but of course that’s never how it goes. 

The straw that broke the camels back was Sakusa. He had always been the one you connected the most too. He took into account that no matter how stern you were with the boys you were still delicate and wore your heart on your sleeve so it was ironic how the one you talked to the most would be the one to hurt you the most, 

“What. did. you. just. do?”

“I... Fuck I’m so sorry Kiyo-ku–” 

“Shut up just shut up and stop calling me that annoying name!! What is wrong with you Y/N are you mentally deficient that you couldn’t do something as simple as give me the right waterbottle...” As his volume rose the others started to notice and Hinata watched in horror as Sakusa put the last nail in the coffin... the damage done before he could step in.

“Good lord how dumb can you be Y/N it’s a fucking water bottle and I know I have some needs but this is like basically being able to read... like are you illiterate that reading a name was so hard... You were worried about being good enough well here’s your fucking answer YOU AREN’T.” 

As he became huffier he swung his arms and everything froze when you ducked back and away from him, shoulders tensing up and eyes squeezing shut as you held your breath. Sakusa’s last words ringing in the court and in your head with a level of finality you hadn’t encountered before. Sakusa watched aghast at your reaction. He wan’t going to hit you... good go even the idea made him sick to his stomach. He was just gesturing about not being able to hold all the bubbling anger and fear in but now his anger that had been reaching a fever pitch died down instantly as he watched you brace yourself for a fight, for a hit... from him. Everyone stood still but it was soon disturbed as everything happened at once. 

“Y/n I..” Sakusa didn’t dare take a step towards you but he tried to reach out and was met with more distance as you finally opened your eyes and looked at him before stepping back even further. 

“Please don’t Sakusa-san” You took a shaky inhale in visibly preparing yourself. Tears collecting along your lash line as you chanced a glance at some of the other boys. Bokuto who was making his way towards you stopped dead in his tracks when you took a large step away form him as well. Your eyes drifting over their appalled and horrified expressions before you met Kageyama’s and Ushijima’s behind Hinata’s shoulder. He looked scarier than usual as he stood taller and then the tears fell when you saw them. You suddenly felt so small and vulnerable standing there. Your tears didn't stop as you hunched over trying to use your sleeves to wipe at your eyes. 

“Sweetheart can ai come clo–” Atsumu tried but you violently shook your head. 

“NO... I need to um... I need to go” At your words Ushijima and Kageyama started making their way towards you. 

“Go where?” It was Sakusa’s voice. It was quiet and desolate, but you could still hear the fear in his voice. 

“Away” You couldn’t look at any of them as you met Wakatoshi in the middle. You knew if you looked at them then you would forgive them instantly and right now you didn’t want to. Kageyama was behind Ushi talking to Hinata who didn’t know what to do. Meian and Iwa felt their hearts break when they watched Ushijima softly cup your face turning it from side to side before learning forward to kiss your forehead while he wiped your tears. They couldn’t remember the last time you came to them for comfort in the same way. Your shoulders sagging in relief. 

“Away from us?” and this time it was Bokuto asking a question he knew he didnt want the answer to. You only nodded before being led out by your former team as the 6 boys watched.

WOW THIS WAS SO MUCH ANGSTIER THAN I PLANNED GOOD LORD!!! 

okay obviously want to do a part 2 but what kind of ending are we looking for? 

LMK in my inbox please!!!!

Please consider donating to my Ko-Fi: Ko-fi.com/justmywriting1313

(Might motivate me to write more)

[marshmallowprotection]

You know Kait, I sometimes think about how the words "I love you." Must be hard for SE Saeran.. It aches in my heart every time.

If Saeyoung would say it, I think Saeran wouldn't be able to part quickly from the past and getting remembered how it felt back then getting left behind.

And for a MC that tells him the words, I can't help thinking he'd deal with the doubt of them saying it in order to get or gain something from him... Although he knows, it's just because everyone who told him they love him either exploited or hurt him. So I could never ever blame him for the worries that come with that. If he even believes it in the first place...

Imagine someone tells you they love you from the heart and your first reaction would either be pain or doubt. I suppose that's one of the biggest reasons why I probably would never tell him about anything regarding romantic love either, considering he's having enough to feel and deal with already T_T

It's not easy for him. He has a hard time being vulnerable. If you put yourself in his shoes now, you can understand why that is tough to do. Everything was weaponized against him from the start. He was never allowed to show weakness in any capacity. He wasn't allowed to be a person. He was a tool.

If he so much as made a cry in the wrong way, his mother would beat him excessively, abandon him in the corner, and tie him up until she remembered to take it off. She needed him to get money from their father, and only using Saeyoung to get her things from the store as needed meant that she always had one twin to use if the other was killed. Saeran and Saeyoung understood on some level that she did that. Saeyoung more than Saeran for a while, though.

His fear of being himself only continued from that point when he was pulled into Mint Eye. That place beat every ounce of weakness out of him. Emotions came to be known as a weakness and showing any of them at any time meant that he was likely to be destroyed. Can you imagine that? If you showed anything that wasn't total obedience in the way that Rika wanted, you were screwed. He stopped showing all emotions except for rage and disdain for a long time.

Even as he's forced out of Mint Eye and into the bunker to come to terms with everything, he's tired... he's weary. He's worn out and he can't deal with emotions anymore. He suppressed them for so long that he isn't sure how to feel them and he's afraid to start. That's just a mess that he wants no part of. He hardly wants to exist as it is, why would he even think of showing emotions? What's the point?

He doesn't plan on doing very much.

He's not going to get rid of himself but he's not going to go out of his way to experience things. He has a limited amount of things that he can do due to circumstances and he makes the best of them.

He gets to have ice cream whenever he wants and can go outside every now and again. As long as he has those two things, he's dealing with his existence. It's different when he has MC in his life. It depends on who you are and what kind of dynamic you have with him…

Are you an assistant? Are you a former believer? Are you the MC in the apartment? Are you someone new he meets by chance? That's going to largely change the dynamic so it's hard to narrow down one specific thing if we don't know which one we're talking about. So, I'll just try to go for vague in terms of this specific thought.

So, say that you realize you like him after you spend so much time with him. What are you going to do about it? Are you going to tell him because you want to be able to spend time with him? Are you going to tell him because you want to be with him? What is your intention with this?

Have you considered that there's a possibility that he may not want to hear those words because he already knows what you feel?

When he's in a relationship, it's very much about touch and nonverbal communication. He manages to convey what he's feeling through the way he looks at you or the way that his hand brushes against yours.

If you are with him, you understand that so much of his emotion and desire are based around a very simple fact. He doesn't like to say certain things and he doesn't like labels. He doesn't want to be trapped in a box and he doesn't like the thought of anybody being forced to be with him and that way. Even if you like him and he knows that you do, there's always this sense of fear burning inside of his chest that says if he puts down a label, he might be… trapping you.

He doesn't want to do that to you.

You have better options. 

It's obvious that he's afraid of putting a label on things. He's afraid of saying the words out loud because every time he felt something in the past, it was used against him or ripped away. Do you know how much he's afraid of the possibility that somebody from his past could come to hurt you because you're close to him? How afraid he is of messing up one day and hurting you? There's so much that he's afraid of that he cannot verbalize. He doesn't have the strength or the capacity to verbalize those things because the trauma runs that deep. 

Here's the thing with him, he can know what you feel but it might be safer to not say it. The thing is that he knows how you feel. He can see it in your eyes. He knows what's going on with you because you're not the person who would lie to him time and time again. You're somebody that he trusts and you have gained that trust. He doesn't doubt you, per se. It's more so that he's afraid of the things that come with that truth. You might need to find a safer way of saying it, that is to say, showing it through your actions at first until he's okay with it.

Squeeze his hand, kiss his cheek, and do something subtle but sweet for the time being until he's ready.

You might not be able to call him your boyfriend for a long time or even say that you love him, but that doesn't take away from the relationship. He knows that you do and he hopes that he can show you that he feels the same way through his own means. He's just afraid of the big words and he'll learn how to be okay with them in due time. You just need to be patient with him. You just need to wait until he can say it first. Having a relationship with him is a matter of patience and understanding. It's not that you can't say anything, it's just that you need to find a way that works. 

[bookwrm99]

Preferred Music- OM! Brothers

Not that anyone asked me, but I was in the mood to write and I’ve gotten back into Obey Me! after a super-long hiatus.. so these are my thoughts on what the brothers listen to in terms of music. I’ve only finished S1, so forgive me if these don’t make sense in context of the later seasons T_T

Lucifer:

It’s established in canon that Lucifer loves listening to classical music and has an extensive record collection- the more cursed the better

I headcanon though that he also likes to listen to big band music, like the Glenn Miller Orchestra

I can imagine him putting one of his vintage Glenn Miller records on his grammy and asking his s/o to dance with him one night if he was feeling especially romantic. The song he’d initiate on would be Twilight Interlude, Moonlight Serenade, or Starlit Hour.

I also headcanon that Lucifer listens to crooners, like Nat King Cole or Frank Sinatra

If MC can play an instrument, especially if it’s the piano, Lucifer might lurk in the hallway for a while if he hears them playing music by composers like Beethoven, Mozart, or Chopin. He doesn’t know how or why, but he thinks their works sound best whenever MC plays them

I think Lucifer’s guilty pleasure is 50′s/60′s decade music, but only listens to them when certain conditions are met: he’s in an exceptionally good mood, his privacy is guaranteed for at least an hour, and it’s just him in his bedroom. He feels that artists like The Beach Boys, Elvis, and The Beatles don’t fit with his polished, high-class image, hence the secrecy around listening to them

You’ll know he trusts you when he allows you into his space while one of these artists’ records is on the gramophone

Doesn’t change MC’s ringtone in his phone, because one: he’s an old man and hardly uses the thing for anything besides communication anyway, and two: he wants to be the only brother who wasn’t prompted by Mammon’s ringtone change

Probably changes their ringtone after a few weeks, when his brothers have forgotten all about it

 Mammon:

The Black Crowes. Next-

It’s canon that Mammon likes R&B music

Mammon strikes me as a classic/90′s alternative rock kind of guy too, though. Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Aerosmith, U2, Deep Purple, The Black Crowes, Pearl Jam- that kind of vibe

If he’s feeling something a little more hard, he’d probably dip into Nirvana, Van Halen, AC/DC, or another band along those lines

“Money” by Pink Floyd is DEFINITELY his ringtone

If he’s trying to really focus to come up with a scheme to make Grimm, or is just in the mood for something really chill, he might pull up a lofi hip hop playlist/station to listen to in the background

If he and MC happen to be chilling in his room, though, he’d probably play whatever they’re into- not because he likes them and wants to learn more about them or anything, noooooo sir, definitely doesn’t want to know their favorite artists so he can maybe take them to a concert one day either

Probably starts listening to MC’s favorite bands and genres too as their relationship develops

I headcanon that as soon as he finds out whatever MC’s favorite song is, he sets it as their ringtone in his phone so he can distinguish them from modeling agencies and his brothers

Leviathan:

It’s canon that Levi LOVES anime music, which like- I 110% subscribe to

I think he’d also really like video game music as well. Especially if it’s a game he loves and their soundtracks are *chef’s kiss*

If the Devildom has an equivalent to K-pop, I could see him being into that too. BTS, EXO, SUPER JUNIOR, Girl’s Generation, and SEVENTEEN all give me Levi vibes

Because he used to play so many different instruments, I also headcanon that sometimes he gets in the mood to listen to some of the music he used to play

He might get started on a classical music kick for a couple hours, then be satisfied for a week or two until the craving comes up again

Like Mammon, he might try listening to MC’s favorite music to get to know them better- but if he’s too averse to it, he’ll just go back to listening to his usual music

As their relationship develops, he might change MC’s ringtone in his phone to the theme of an anime they’ve both watched together and loved, or to the theme of his favorite anime- not to be outdone by Mammon, of course

Satan:

It’s canon that Satan also enjoys classical music, especially symphonies

I headcanon though that Satan might resent this similarity to Lucifer, so listens to classical music in secret- or abstains from it until he cracks and binges for a few hours

I could also see Satan listening to music very loudly in his room to piss Lucifer off if he’s in a particularly vindictive mood, especially if it’s hard rock or metal

Three Days Grace, Shinedown, Breaking Benjamin, Disturbed, The Veer Union, Gojira, Beartooth, Steel Panther- and if he’s really mad at Lu, he’d pull out the stops and listen to some death metal

Lowkey kind of likes some of it, even though he started listening to it exclusively with the intent of making the eldest tear his hair out in frustration

For casual listening, though, I headcanon that he has soft indie playlists and stations that he’s favorited/subscribed to

I could also see him as the type to have a playlist built with all his favorite songs from his favorite Broadway plays (looking at you, Les Misérables and Cats)

When he catches wind that Mammon and Levi changed their ringtones for MC, he didn’t hop on the train to outdo them- he just thought it was a good idea. He changes it to a soft indie song that reminds him of MC in some way, whether the lyrics are explicitly about someone similar to them or the sound of the song gives them MC vibes

Asmodeus:

Asmo listens to healing music in canon

But I also imagine him listening to dance/EDM music, because it gets him pumped up for The Fall and reminds him of the good times he’s had there

I headcanon that Asmo listens to healing music when he’s pampering himself or doing spa sessions with MC, and dance/EDM when he’s getting primped up to go to the club

Asmo is DEFINITELY the type to put soft music on when he’s about to get it on with somebody to set the mood, but it’s not something he listens to on his own- he feels ambivalent about romantic music in general

With MC, though, if their relationship buds into something more than friendship- you can bet your ass that he custom makes the perfect playlist for spicy situations with them, and his opinion on romantic music changes into a more positive one

I also see him listening to Queens like Ariana Grande, Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, Beyoncé- really powerful women vocalists

Asmo might have an easy listening pop playlist/station subscribed on his app of choice, but probably has to be in the mood for it to put it on

Definitely changes MC’s ringtone to something cheeky at first, like “Sexual Healing”, but trades it for a romantic song that reminds him of them later as they get closer

Beelzebub:

The RAD newspaper reports that Beel likes the song in the “Hell’s Burger” commercial

But I headcanon that when the newspaper club asked him that question, he just didn’t know how to respond because he listens to so many different genres, so he blurted out the first thing on his mind (so of course it would be food-related)

Beel doesn’t strike me as the type to like one genre in particular to the exclusion of most others- he seems more like he’d have playlists of all different genres to switch between depending on the situation and his mood

He’d definitely have a workout playlist full of songs to hype him up, like “Eye of the Tiger”, “Welcome to the Jungle”,  “Seven Nation Army”, “Thunder”, etc.

Probably has upwards of thirty playlists/stations he’s subscribed to because of his broad tastes, but the ones I see him frequently playing are pop, indie, alternative, and punk rock

Because he shares a room with Belphie, he’s grown accustomed to listening to chill, soft piano music at night when the both of them are first falling asleep- so much so, he has a hard time falling asleep without it, so he always brings earphones with him when traveling so he can still listen to it

MC’s ringtone in his phone is the “Hell’s Burger” commercial song- the only other contact that shares the ringtone is Belphie. Hearing his favorite song helps him distinguish his favorite people from everyone else calling his phone, even if hearing the song makes him hungry and drool a little bit before he picks up

Belphegor:

Belphie likes chill piano music in canon

Makes sense to me, since he’s sleeping 99.999999% of the time

But I headcanon that he also likes punk rock, like Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, blink-182, Good Charlotte, All Time Low, Panic! At The Disco, Bring Me The Horizon, and more

He only listens to it if he has to stay awake for a long period of time- listening to piano music makes him sleepy, so that’s out of the question, even though he needs music to be able to focus

Belphie is another brother who will stick around if he hears MC playing the piano- he’s less covert about it than the eldest brother, though

He’ll straight up trudge into the music room, sit on the bench with them and lean his head against their shoulder as they play

Hope you weren’t planning on stopping anytime soon, MC

Belphie also seems like the type to have subscriptions to ASMR or soft storytelling podcasts/stations/playlists, for the times he finds he’s having a hard time falling asleep

Like Lucifer, is one of the last to hop on the ringtone train, and honestly didn’t really give a shit about it until he really thought about it. What if MC was in trouble and tried to call him while he was asleep? His normal ringtone wouldn’t wake him up in that scenario, which could end up being really bad

Changes it to something really loud and obnoxious at first, like “What Is Love” (the animal cover)

Eventually changes it to something more romantic as he and MC get closer in their relationship, like “Check Yes, Juliet”

~~

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them. <3

BTW, this is the ringtone I HC’d for Belphie lmfao: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mx5-aOGphII&t=53s

It’s my morning alarm and my family hates it, but I’m an extremely heavy sleeper sooooooo guess I’ll just keep being a menace to society

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se3, ep 12 (Part 1)

The aftermath of the curse lifting~ Btw, the timeline is super messy. Flashbacks & background stories aren’t this anime’s best tool, it’s always felt messy when they attempt that. more on it in my side notes below. Now into the ep~

-Yuki & Machi: ( Blossoming Love!):

I love that the author attempted different direction of romantic love with yuki/machi that suits yuki’s personality! Opposite to kyo/tohru who had the (from best friends to lovers/ from roommates of 3 years to lovers). Yuki & machi’s love is based on natural crush & while she isnt his best friend, she’ll be his lover & they’ll know each other after dating. Both types of love are realistic & have their own path of dynamics, which is clear with how yuki/machi will be interacting & how kyo/tohru are now interacting since becoming official. I’m still bummed most of yuki/machi’s “noticing each other” is supposed to be off-screen, it robbed me of seeing yuki interact in a normal teenage-boy crushing on a girl which contrasts his relationship with kakeru, kyo, haru & tohru. Now, we’ll start the “ official-boyfriend yuki” stage! Also, this jump to confessions didnt help machi have any uniqueness beside being saved by yuki’s words from her trauma. watching her interact with him normally would’ve added realistic depth to her being a normal girl with unique cute quirks differently from tohru, Isuzu, kagura or even motoko!. Oh well~ moving on & focusing on the meaningful cute confession. I loved that altho there were a hug & a kiss, it didn’t have “ I love you” statement. You know they (will) love each other so dearly, but they’re in stage 1 now, she just called him by his first name for the first time! cute! I love that the emphasis is on the “ first name” calling since this is a huge key to yuki’s identity & struggle. Also, It is cute she bought a gift to tohru! This is a set-up to a healthy relationship with yuki since she isn’t jealous from a precious woman in his life that isnt related by blood.

-Moving towards the future: Kyoru’s final stage of growth!

By Kyokoy’s grave Kyo & tohru had key moment of growth & healthy closure to their core character issues::

1- Kyo’s toxic habit of running from life became a desire to run towards life!: While this habit is rightfully excused by his trauma, it needed to be addressed once his curse broke. We know he stopped running & faced his dad, confessed to tohru, accepted her love, embraced his crazy desire for her & accepted he deserved to be loved! Even ran towards tohru, chasing her! However, all the above is him running to the good current life in his grasp. He needs to run to the far away future this time! Needs to plan for the good & accept that the bad is part of it. struggling is part of life & he’ll endure it together with her, while enjoying life’s rewards.

I love that kyo is the one who suggested moving out to another city/place, cuz kyo was the one NOT living. He was long dead & trapped in the cage of his guilt & self-loath. Tohru at least was living thro helping others ( which is not real living but at least it’s better). Kyo was “ Mom, why didn’t you kill me instead of yourself?” ,“ I’ll kill yuki & then kill myself, would that please you, dad?!”, “ I cant forgive me, I dont want you to forgive me, tohru”. Walking on a road of self-destruction & slow death. But now, with tohru he wants life!!! all of it!! travel, learn, see, struggle, fail, succeed, build their own future by themselves.

I love that kyo didnt take tohru’s approval for his plans for granted. He really didnt think she’ll accept right away. He didnt even want her to dedice quickly, He was prepared for compromising to a better solution for them both. They’ll work other possibilities “ if i’m gonna live in this world, I want to do it with you”.

I love that kyo was real abt the obstacles ahead & didnt want tohru to just follow him based on love. He wanted her to decide on her own as well. He also, left the door open for her to change her mind anytime & this screams support & understanding!! Very powerful!.

2- Thoru’s toxic habit of being ashamed to desire anything for herself, living for others & wearing a happy “i’m okay” mask while concealing her true feelings became confidence, self-clarity & honesty: The tohru who was smiling while concealing grief on the beach is gone, the tohru who kyo had to coax her to “complain, be selfish” se01,ep5, to “not hide worrying over a relative’s sickness” se02, ep14 “ cry if she needs to” se3, ep6, is now telling kyo her honest opinion abt his proposal, while thinking of her own self as much as him & even objecting to his sentiment abt her mom’s words!!!!

I love that tohru is now a confident free woman making her own decisions based on self-honesty & communication with her partner. She wasn't just “okay” with it cuz he wants it while putting fake smile, No more of that. Now, she’ll say her true feelings, she asked him abt his plans, tried to see if it is a spur of the moment decision or if he really thought abt it. She also inquired where’s heading, who he talked to, what he’s planning! She is deciding for herself after hearing him! ok, this is your plan? I like it. I’m going!  Very powerful!.

I love that like how kyo was realistic abt the plan having some difficulties due to starting away by themselves, she was also realistic that it is indeed sad to part with my friends, my hometown, & my mom’s resting-place, but i’ll choose ME now. “I” want to go with you for “me”. This is not a bind I’ll follow you wherever love story, this is realistic depiction of healthy relationship. Acknowledging hardships & accepting them saves you from being crushed by failure, you’ll endure it when it eventually happens & move on, cuz God knows we DO fail & succeed! Life isnt smooth sailing~ 

I love that tohru complemented him on his plan cuz she could see that is a sign of growth. If she’s gonna share her life with this man, it is delightful to see that he is thinking of a happier, healthier & realistic future! Cuz kyo was this destroyed man~ so destroyed he was pushing her away despite loving her dearly, now, he’s asking her opinion & permission to accompany him!

I love that tohru made sure to touch upon kyo’s last scar “ my mom doesnt hate you” This is a scar that wont go away even if kyo is mentally healthy. Cuz death is the ultimate truth. He can never hear kyoko’s affirming her love for him, he’ll have to trust in it based on their earlier interaction together. Tohru is powerfully & stubbornly taking away most of his pain by affirming her acknowledge of her mom. You might disagree kyo, you might still feel a bit guilty, it might haunt you sometimes. but me? NO. Never. Mom loved you. She meant ONLY good. Hopefully my determination heals you bit by bit, & it DOES. Kyo stands bravely, confidently & happily in front of kyoko’s grave & instead of saying “ i apologize for hurting you, or tohru, I’m sorry, forgive me”.  he tells her he’ll keep their promise & protect tohru for life! he literally proposed there in front of her mom & all. T_T

-Kyoko’s Words: ( Sometimes, you don’t get to know the whole truth & that’s okay):

Can’t describe how much I love this part. This is the most painful yet important lesson in furuba. Life isn’t a movie where the entire truth is exposed to the characters or the audience. Sometimes you live & die without getting to know an important truth, hearing a much needed confirmation, or getting a loved one’s forgiveness. There are things in our life that we just can’t get back no matter how much we tried. What we do, then? die? despair? throw away what we DO have in our hands for this lost truth no matter how important it was to us? No, we do the only thing we can. Live. Not just go thro life’s motion, but really live. Accept the good & the bad. This is so goddamn easy & difficult as hell too!

-Kyo not knowing kyoko’s words at that time was tragic. It was so tragic it sent kyo into a suicidal descent into the abyss. The wounds of his mom’s death that were slowly healing with kazuma’s care got re-opened & poured blood! The old destructive habits became full force, The toxic coping habits returned with its ugliness. I can’t kill myself literally? I’ll do it figuratively. trapped, caged, destroyed, eyes shut, ears closed, only seeing his pain. Kyo is us. All of us in any moment of true crushing despair. He could never bring the dead back, hear their loving words or ask forgiveness. Thro kyo, the author is telling us... I know. You had your moment of lost truth, didn’t you? I know. IT IS OKAY. live, my child. your pain is valid, let it take its course, but afterwards live bravely.

-Kyo’s path towards healing is: the ugliest cuz it hurt tohru of all ppl, the longest cuz he was the last one to move on, the bloodiest cuz he’ll never have the ppl he lost, the rockiest cuz he failed & failed, the most frustrating cuz he repeated his mistakes over & over, He couldnt even do it alone. needed intervention & support. He lost hope. completely. But it is okay even if you fell as deep as kyo: stand up. even if you never learned the truth: let go. even if you were the last one to learn or heal: it isn’t a race. Embrace life with its good & bad & continue as kyoko said “ you fought well”

-Kyoko’s parting plea to her daughter broke my heart into pieces. Death is ugly, but death is a truth that we can’t escape. The leaving ones is hurting as much as the ones left behind, but hopefully, the leaving ones will find a happiness a kin to the ones left behind. yuki’s "say a prayer & move one, one step at a time” is all you can do.

-Kyoko was: a gangster who hurt others (ugly path), repented, married & had a daughter (fulfilling path), widowed & left her daughter while grieving (ugly path), came back, repented & tried to raise tohru well, love her enough! (fulfilling path), died & left her young high school daughter all alone (heartbreaking path) but she accepted that the last path isn’t sth she can fight, prayed, & accepted her fate~

-Kyoko~~ “ you fought well”  while you were alive~ you really did! The Tohru you left behind helped a whole clan & hopefully readers as well! you tohru is loved by an entire generation of readers & anime watchers. Tohru is so precious & I can’t stop crying~

Side Notes:

Timeline is super messy & confusing. (a) Tohru’s hospital discharge, kyoru’s hug & curse break for everybody all happened at the (late) afternoon. While curse was breaking, akito was wearing her white kimono & she cried until tohru hugged her on sunset. (b) Before tohru’s hospital shigure’s face was scar-less. we first saw the scar in the afternoon & he was wearing his kimono.

Now the flashback, Akito wearing her outfit from her talk with the maid (which also happened while kyo was talking to his dad which is on the same day) & shigure wearing suit & it’s sunset time??????? How can the sunset happen before the curse break on the afternoon? She inflected the scars on the sunset, how did he have them on the afternoon of the same day?? both changed outfits which is even weirder??? Someone help me put things on order. Or is order not important? If the sequence of events isn’t important, then, why did it have to happen on the curse break day??? Shigure could’ve had his scars a day or two before tohru’s discharge.

Also the OP started in the middle of yuki’s scene which was so odd!

No big deal, but I still feel that yuki’s curse break would’ve been thematically powerful last ep. Especially after seeing The Zodiac Ruler come & collect the spirits. The legend would've been wrapped powerfully on the same ep where it was told. We see the zodiacs’ original story & we see its closure. It would’ve made tohru/akito’s hug more symbolic. An end of an era to akito & to them all. Real Goodbye to the zodiac animals, but now we had a goodbye & a half. lol.

Is yuki the only one seeing the cursed spirit? He looked down at it? I dont remember the others looking down where an animal would be? Is yuki’s curse special? different? He got all the ropes/bonds around him? I really thought yuki’s theme is all abt desiring to be normal & despising the “special” treatment that haunted him even in school. 

Momiji/ kagura /kyo interaction is cute!

Haru/Yuki/ Isuzu interaction is cute as well. XD

Kagura, girl, you used to have best fashion, what’s up with jeans under knee length dress?! lol.

I’ll be honest. It is a lost opportunity that machi weren't made to question how teen-tohru is yuki’s mom. That would’ve solidified her as a unique stand alone character if she were to discuss it with yuki. Tohru being yuki’s mom figure is not normal, otherwise yuki’s entire dilemma of figuring out his feelings for tohru would’ve become meaningless. Having machi quickly “understand” it is a bit weird. But it helps the plot move quickly, I guess. ( it reminds me of Arisa hugging akito when she confessed stabbing kureno without questioning anything, it is weird, but you get the message that “ we aint got time for that~ gotta hop on the next plot).

I love that furuba subverted the old anime-trope of the entire happy cast staying together in one city/place & living exactly like they did in their teens except being married now! XD. It is so realistic that each character is now moving on their path of life~

Tohru wore a ring in her foreshadowing vision! SHE WORE A RING! My baby girl is a grown woman now~ T_T. I love tohru so much!~

Shigure/ akito & the last banquet is in my review part 2. I’ve been editing out any thoughts abt Shigure from my previous posts. I needed to see the whole picture first. I think can now talk abt them, I’m looking forward to the comments of the next part cuz I really really need to see if I understood it or if i’m off.

[leotssukinaga]

Please “I’m bad at texting first, so I always end up hoping you will.” with tsukki!!!!!

aaa thank you for the request anon!! I’m sorry this took me 3 years to write T_T this is a lil angstier than I intended (I do that sometimes kfjksd) but it ends cute!! I hope you like it! (apologies for the formatting this website sucks balls)

Training camps suck, you think as you shove your books in your bag and leave the library, checking your phone yet again. Of course, you have no messages from Kei. He left 5 days ago and he's only texted you twice since then, both conversations having been initiated by you. He calls you every night, but verbal communication is decidedly not his thing, so you've had to put up with almost nothing but a 'sleep well, love you' from him since he left. You missed him way too much, but you were tired of trying to force a conversation, tired of worrying that he rolled his eyes every time you texted first. So you waited. You studied, you cleaned your house, you even harassed your brother into hanging out with you, anything to try and make this break go faster with no Kei to share it with. Your Netflix list was almost entirely dinosaur documentaries you wanted to watch with him at this point, and the worst part was you had another week of this to go. Who the fuck decided that a two-week training camp was a good idea?You missed him so much, but you weren't sure he missed you. Above all things, that doubt was what kept you from reaching out, or from voicing your issues. You wanted him to text you because he wanted to, not because you whined at him for not doing it. Maybe that's all your relationship was, maybe he only stuck around because you asked him too and he didn't have anything better to do. Tears stung your eyes at the thought. You loved him- God you loved him, and the thought that he wasn't with you for love but because you were the best offer he had right now made your heart ache uncontrollably. Did he care about you at all?

Your phone trilled loudly, Kei’s picture splashing across your screen. It was the middle of the day, not his usual time for calling, and worry filled you. For a moment you let your anxieties take precedent, wondering why he was calling, before you realised the best way to find out was to answer.

"Kei?"

"What did I do?"

"I-I'm sorry?" Confusion was rife in your tone, but that wasn't what he picked up on. You sounded like you'd been crying.

"Wait- fuck that for a second, what's wrong?"

"Nothings wr-"

"Don't bullshit me, babe."

"I'm just being silly, Kei."

"If it's silly then you shouldn't have any problem telling me." He got you there. He was always annoyingly right, but you didn't want to tell him. If you told him, his reassurances would only be because they were what he thought you wanted to hear. If you told him he could lie to you.  

"I don't... You don't really care."

"What does that mean? 'Course I care."

"Why?"

"Because I love you, dumbass."

"I don't know if you mean that, Kei."

"You don't- is this why you haven't been texting me?" You couldn't tell if he was annoyed with you or worried. Perhaps both.

"... Yeah, I guess. I just don't want to bother you."

"You could never bother me, Y/N."

"I always feel like you don't text me because you don't want to talk."

"No, it's not that it's... Honestly, Y/N, I'm bad at texting first, so I always end up hoping you will."

"Really?"

"Daichi has threatened the life of my phone 3 times since we arrived because I check it every time I have a minute to spare."

"But... I don't wanna be clingy."

"Baby, I know I don't say it a lot, but I hate being away from you. And I'm much better at telling you that through text than I am out loud. Please text me. Be as clingy as you want. 3 texts or 300, I'll smile when I see them." Hearing him say it made you feel much better. You knew the doubt wouldn't go away completely, but you also knew he wasn’t one to give up trying. You were so lucky to have him.

"I love you, Kei."

"I love yo- NOYA GODDAMNIT GET BACK HERE! Fuck, I gotta go, he stole my glasses. I'll call you tonight?"

"I'll be waiting."

"I love you, text me!!" And with that, he was gone. The heaviness that usually settled over your heart when he hung up wasn't there this time, though. Maybe things would be okay. With Kei by your side, you'd be fine even if they weren't. 

[bangtanger]

CONTENT CREATOR YEAR IN REVIEW

was thinking for 84 hours where should i post it but as its my creator blog i m doing it here <3 i was tagged by @taemaknae @suhdays @ynki @honsool @jjeongukie @taeyungie @dearbangtansonyeondan @lifegoesmon @everythingoes @flipthatjacketjiminie @yoongi-bts @jiminslight @hopekidoki @cowboyjinbop @yoonqiful @jcngkooks @pjmsdior @hobeah @balenciaguks​ @jinvant @hobibestboy @vjimin @yoongikook AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR INCLUDING ME T_T ik maybe its not a big deal but its a big deal to me and im touched :(((((((((((( also gimme some time to check all ur posts 👉👈 also im in a mood to say that ive collected many pokemons here djfksfhsakjddld ok nvm 

also sorry for a long post ik tmblr fvcks things up sometimes when there is keep reading so dont fight me plz <3

❀ first creation and most recent creation of 2020 

ok this is the fist one (still very pleased with colouring here T_T the stage lighting was,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, well yeah as always lmao) and this is the most recent (TBH DKJSKDSDK I WISH MY MOST RECENT POST COULD BE A DIFFERENT ONE THE ONE I WANNA MAKE FOR A MONTH NOW THE ONE ID PUT A LOT MORE EFFORTS IN SO IM A LIL FRUSTRATED i literally just missed giffing but couldnt watch anything new so took an old vid i wanted to gif once I DIDNT EVEN USE MYCOLOURING PSD IT LITERALLY HAS ONLY COUPLE OF LAYERS uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :( but whatever,,, it just kinda doesnt show the difference -_-)

❀ a creation u r really proud of 

well 👁👄👁 there r quite few,,, and the main reason is colouring most of these r comps and i a b s o l u t e l y sucked at comps and esp at making the colouring consistent there lol so lets begin lol  1 (u have no idea how muchi love this set) 2 (i fucking mastered it i wanted to remake it for two years and i finally did!! 60 fps smooth good moments iconic performance iconic hair colour his attitude bruh and ofc the fact that i could do sth with colouring,,,,,, and chose such an unusual colour scheme that i doubted jckdckfdk and it still worked out 🥺) 3 (lol i had this idea written down since 2018 as well and this year i could finally collect all moments i needed and oh boi yeah,,, AND COLOURING I COULD ALMOST yeah almost do sth decent with it there r still couple moments id changed but im pleased) 4 (im so happy whenevr i see this CUZ IT ALL WORKED OUT it was such an impulsive comp i literally only saw couple moments for past few years as well where i could see three of them in one frame and suddenly I WAS LIKE I FUCKING MUST POST THOSE MOMENTS SOMEHOW and im so proud of colouring it looks so well T_T) 5 (the colouring ofc im still :o that i could get rid of that shitty shit dkksjkj AND THE MOMENTS ITSELF?????? AND BLACK SWAN???????? EVERY PERFORMANCE???? HAIR?????? OUTFIT???????? EVRERYHTIGNM???????? HIS FUCKING STARE? FACE??? DONT MAKE ME CONTINUE AAAAAAAAAAA also if im not wrong this set in particular made me start my before/after posts 🥺) 6 (i jujst love everything about it e v e r yt h i n g also i could made ppl believe that jin fr has purple hair here when in reality its brown djhfdhskdf one of blending modes or adjustment layers worked this way lol) 7 (i wont even comment this tried a great tutorial with great beautiful resuls for the first time ever and it worked out so well and i like it so much and the whole yoongi here,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, also love me some borders that add cinematic feels to some gifs or just make them pretty in a dif way just like i did with prev post i mentioned imo lol) OK LAST ONE 8 (I USED A VIDEO OF STARS AND ADDED IT TO THE GIF FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I FUCKED WITHMASKING FOR 3 HOURS GRRRRRRRR THIS IS SO HUGE FOR ME!!!!! i cant even explain whew IVE NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE SO I WAS REALLY PROUD TOO even tho i fucked masking up on some layers lmao but lets not pay too much attention to it 👀)

❀ a creation that took u forever

ohhhhhhhh i think this one cuz the moments were long i couldnt decide what do i want to include + it ts file so u kno,,, the speed,,, of processing,, + somehow decided to put them all together + fucked with colouring + had to get rid of the logo and as we know japan likes a lot of big braight text around haha and draw hair in moments where logo made it look blurry + had to adjust the order and all that stuff but getting rid of logo was the longest part 

❀ a creation from 2020 that received the most notes

whew this iconic one im still amazed tbh they looked soso incredible and im glad how everything turned out here <3 (could change some colouring on bg tho so it could look better and more hq :c)

❀ a creation u think deserved more notes 

lol this one cuz i was so hyped to make it cuz their concert in saudi arabia is one of my fav things in the world and i waited for so long to have mood and energy to go throught it to find jk moments and i couldnt choose some for this comp for so long and just,,,,,, overall,,,, the way he looks here............................................................... its a special comp to me haha ill def gif more of it i have shit ton of clips left and also there r other members and i just want to sit and enjoy yhe whole thing to so may find more stuff to gif here lol

❀  a new fandom u joined an a creation u made for it 

i didnt join anything heurheru

❀ a creation u made that breaks ur heart

OKAY LISTEN DSJAKDJHFDKJ THIS ONE IF U KNOW U KNOW AND IM SURE IT BREAKS ALMOST EVERY HEART tbh whenever i see soft smiles or soft interactions or anything like this im just :’( <3 even my serotonin boost tag does it to me cuz its too precious T_T

❀  a ‘simple’ creation that u really love

this one cuz everything about it ah and this one 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

❀ a creation that was inspired by someone else

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm idk maybe this one ? cuz i never did anything like this before and maybe i saw someones beautiful headers and decided to try one too ? i could do a lot better there is not enough depth but oh well,,, lol

❀  a favourite creatin created by someone else

oh its gonna be hard :) dear every conten creator i hope u dont mind if i wont go though the whole 2020 gif tag but choose form the most recent ones i loved? u know how much i appreciate ur content cuz i never stop screaming about it in tags but truly there r more content makers and i want u to know that i really love ur content :(

@syubb welllllllllllll i wont even comment this is iconique.....

@jinv T_T val i miss u but there should be bday comps with that BIG ASS IMAGE THAT HAS ITS PARTS ON EVERY SINGLE GIF I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN that icant even find dfjksfskj

@jung-koook i literally couldnt choose ehdskjdjksd but i decided this one cuz its sososososososososososososososososososososo well made every single detail here is chefs kiss

@kkulmoon i truly really cant get enough of ur colouring lately T_T

@minhope !!!!!!LITERALLY EVERY PANTONE COMP OR ESPECIALLY 7 YEARS WITH BTS PANTONE ONE IM AAAAAAAAAAAAA and lmao i think this is one of the most reposted things ive ever seen on internet T_T

@jjoon hng amy u know how i feel about ur content T_T decided this one cuz f l a w l e s s 

@hopekidoki stuff like this makes my jaw lie in the floor dsjkdj

@flipthatjacketjiminie idk whats up but it makes me scream like a madman every time i see it.........

@lifegoesmon i cant even explain why i chose this one but everything here is so incredible !!!!!!!!1

@hobeah one of those good fucking bye ones.....

@taeyungie this made me feel so many things and a whole ass a w e so cool T_T

@jiminfilter i will never shut up about bts core jungkook one should also be here

@seoksjin THE COLOURS I SCREAM OH MY GOD O HMY OGD I JUST WENT TO CHECK OUT AND SAW THIS AND IMMEDIATELY DJKSJD DECIDED THIS IS CRAZY THE PASTELS THE PINNKS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA EVERYHTGIN but also those birthday posts ahhh T_T

@jinvant i wanna YELL but also u know how much i love ur quality and blacks  T_T and gfxs too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@yoongi-bts i love everything here with my whole heart!!!

@everythingoes SHOUWLD I EVEN EXPLAIN WHY

@hobibestboy THIS IS SO COOL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE COLOUR SCHEME

@joenns  I WONT EVEN EXPLAIN IM SO HURT HES SO THIS IS SO T____________________T 

@jjeongukie idk i cant get enough of skin tone!!!!!!!!!!!!

@chaylani i really love the colouring and love these posts with highlights T_T

@eklipxe COLOURING AND EVERYTHIGN

@oncupid cant get enough of every colouring ive seen <3

@jiminslight THIS WHOLE GIF RIGHT HERE

@6dis-ease COZY AND PRECIOUS T_T

@ofkimtaehyung I LITERALLY HAVE NO WORDS ITS SO PRETTY

@taee it was really hard to choose too T_T decided to go with this cuz,, u kno

@yoonqiful CUZ THESE COLOURS DRIVE ME INSANE

OK THIS IS GETTING TOO LONG KDSFJSAKDL I WOULD ADD A LOT MORE CUZ THERE IS A LOT MORE TO ADD BUT IVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR THREE HOURS I BETTER CHILL 

❀  some of your favourite content creators from this year

ok i may forgot someone + in no order in particular + literally every creator that i follow/whose content i reblog @taeguks @tearuntold @cyphertaehyungie @love4hobi @kimnamtaejin @taejoon @jimiyoong @namkook @taeyungie @jinvant @jinv @6dis-ease @jiminrolls @daechwitas @syubb @syuga @jjeongukie @cowboyjinbop @hope-film @minhope @hopekidoki @joonie @namgination @jung-koook @faerieth @kooksv @lifegoesyoon @yoonqiful @j-sope @chaylani @jiminfilter @jjoon @everythingoes @varietae @seoksjin @dearbangtansonyeondan @ofkimtaehyung @yoongi-bts @gaypeople @seokjinyoongis @agustdfeatrm @joenns @houseofarmanto @namjoon (will miss forever) @thebtsgenre @honsool @vjimin @seokjinite @jiminswn @taee @hobeah @lifegoesmon @taemaknae @gukgi @kkulmoon @flipthatjacketjiminie @jintae @jcngkooks @ynki @yoongikook @yoongiandthebiaswreckers @jiminslight @gwkie @oncupid @eternalbulletproof and many more <3

OK SO i wanna say a special thanks to every content creator ever and also i wanna say that im really glad to be a part of this community all of u r so cool and creative and make such beautiful things and many of u made me feel EMOTIONS with ur sets or not only sets ill be forever grateful that i discovered bts and for everything they do to me without even knowing ALSO THANK U FOR STILL BEING HERE ON TUMBRLDSDFKJ yeah this year was less active there were few issues many ppl went on twt but thank u for still being here also happy new year <3333333 i think i sounded deeper and more emotional when i was commenting ppls gifs :| but its almost 2 am so i hope u will understand dkfjkfsjk im happy there is this corner on the internet that feels cozy and so welcoming <3 i love u i wish u a better year ahead <3 ok for checking notifications purpose ill tag my blog lol @eternal-bangtan

[highly-impatient]

Missing Your Touch Ch. 1 (A Glimbow Fic)

Written By: highly-impatient or highly-impatient013

Summary: When you spend all your days together, it feels like years when you’re apart. Glimmer has been recently abducted to space stuck on Horde Prime’s ship as the Rebellion fights off the Horde’s soldiers on Etheria. This story re-imagines season five of She-Ra: Princess of Power as Glimmer and Bow confront their feelings of missing each other’s presence and touch. Expect angst, warmth, hurt, and a beautiful love story! 

Available to read on FF.net

Will add it to AO3 as soon as I can

“You know looking back, it was quite obvious that I was jealous,” Glimmer laughed to herself. She had been locked away for who knows how many hours in an empty room. There was nothing but white walls, a large bed, and silence. No one could hear her, maybe Horde Prime, but it’s not like he would care. “When Perfuma asked you to the ball, I was mad you agreed because it was natural to always have you by my side. I felt like I was being left behind, and now, look at me. I’m all alone.” Tears rolled down Glimmer’s eyes. She and Bow always trusted each other. They were best friends, but after becoming queen, losing many in the Rebellion, and her...mother, things were not the same. Her insecurities crushed her, and she kept asking herself if she would ever be good enough. Would she ever be like her mother? And with Adora, Glimmer felt like their relationship had become fragile like eggshells. Glimmer knew others saw Adora as more of a leader. After all, she was She-ra. Glimmer could not help that every time she saw Adora that she was reminded of losing her mother after disobeying her orders. Like a knife plunging through the palm of her hands, Glimmer was left with her thoughts and emptiness, “Bow,” Glimmer whispered. “I miss you.” 

“Glimmer!” Bow shouted. It was another nightmare, but could it be a nightmare if the event was real? Only a few hundred feet away, the moment of Glimmer being pulled into space by Horde Prime continued to replay in his dreams every night. He was so close but not close enough. Now, he had no idea what happened to her. What were they doing to her? Or worse, was she even alive? The thought sent an unnerving chill down his spine. The last time he saw Glimmer before she was abducted into space is when the three of them got into a fight. Bow could feel the lingering touch of Glimmer brushing her thumb against his calloused clamped hands. She had begged him to trust her. As much as Bow did trust Glimmer, she had been wrong. Trust comes from being honest and telling the truth, even if it is not something the other wants to hear. But why did she not trust him? It probably did not help that he and Adora had ignored her orders and went to Beast Island without her. Maybe if they had stuck together, they would not be in this mess. The two had spent everyday together for years, and Glimmer’s short absence felt like weeks. Glimmer had become more erratic since becoming queen, and Bow could tell that she was frustrated with how plans were falling apart. It was hard to watch knowing how optimistic she had been. Fighting a constant war was taxing on all of them, so when Bow grabbed onto Glimmer’s hand to comfort her, he did his best to empathize her pain and loneliness. When she pulled away, he could only think about how their intimate friendship was unraveling every passing second. Did she not trust him anymore? Were they not friends that could talk or let the other one know how they felt? Bow scratched the back of his head as he slid from under his covers. How did Bow feel? He already knew how he felt. The person he cared for most was gone, and he missed her dearly. 

“Bow, are you up?” Adora whispered. “I couldn’t sleep either.” 

Bow replied, “Yea.” Bow got up, in which he came face-to-face with Adora when he exited the tent. After Horde Prime had located Etheria, Bright Moon had been overtaken. They had lost many in the Rebellion, while whoever was left remained in the tents. They were constantly on the move. Adora and Bow sat themselves across each other on logs separated by a burning fire. Streaks of red, orange, and amber shifted in front of them. The sounds of crickets and a gusting wind filled up the air void of their voices. 

Adora spoke, “It’s all my fault, Bow.” 

“No, it’s mine,” Bow said. 

Adora shook her head, “If I hadn’t insisted that we go to Beast Island, then Glimmer would still be here. If She-ra was still--”

“No, it was the right thing to do. We brought back Entrapta, and we found King Micah. We stopped the Heart of Etheria.” Bow swallowed what felt like a lump in his throat before continuing, “I wasn’t fast enough. I was so close, and I let her disappear right before my eyes.” It was clear that Bow was trying to hold back his tears until they had begun to drip like a faulty faucet. Adora ran up to Bow wrapping her arms around his shoulders as the two clung onto each other. Their hearts ached losing their close friend. 

“We will get her back,” Adora muffled out of her throat strained from emotion. 

Morning came and the Rebellion was back to its regular duties of recovering towns from the Horde. Strategic meetings about what to do next along with the knowledge of safe zones were extensively discussed. 

“Entrapta!” Bow called. “Do you think we will be able to fix Mara’s ship for outer space?”

“Space travel!” Entrapta smiled. “I just have to run some tests. With some adjustments and my tools, Darla will be ready to go. Emily, we got work to do!” Entrapta was overjoyed at the thought of seeing what was beyond their planet. 

Bow looked up to the sky as the clouds drifted slowly. The stars were dim and not yet in sight, but there was a world outside of Etheria, “ We may not know where you are or how to find you, but I’m bringing you home, Glimmer.” 

Puzzled by Bow staring up at the sky while holding his electronic communication device, Micah finally decided to approach Bow with a question that he had on his mind for some time now. Micah asked, “Bow, can I ask you a question?” 

“Yes, King Micah, sir,” Bow stood upright. 

Micah glanced over at the boy before proceeding with his question, “Are you dating my daughter?” 

Bow was flustered by the unexpected question and his cheeks blushed briefly. It was not the first time he had been asked this question, but Micah had been rescued from Beast Island a week ago. “N-no, sir. Glimmer is just my best friend.”

Micah sighed in relief, “Okay. I like you boy, but my Glimmer is too young to be dating.” Micah patted Bow on the shoulder. Micah had no clue how old Glimmer was. It never bothered Bow that people had mistook them for a couple. When you spend that much time with someone, it’s understandable that anyone outside of the relationship may see differently. It had been weirder that Micah had also made that assumption since he had never seen Bow and Glimmer interact with one another. There was a tightness in Bow’s chest. 

“Yes, sir” Bow responded. Micah returned as they were prepping to split into groups for the next mission. The tightness in Bow’s chest had not lightened up. Micah’s question repeated again in Bow’s mind. Are you dating my daughter? For just an instant, an image of Glimmer smiling had crossed his mind. This time, Bow’s chest began to thump and Bow looked down confused by the offset feeling, “That’s weird.”

A/N: I originally wanted to post this first on Fanfiction, but I have to wait 12 hours before I post after creating a new account. I wanted to start a new account since my other one is when I was 12. AO3 says I have to wait for an invite link, but the other chapters will be posted on there. Hopefully, you enjoy the story so far because I really love Glimbow as well as all of the characters. I’ve re-watched this show like 5 times already T_T

[fishylife]

Guess who caved and read all 66 chapters of Painter of the Night? I don’t normally like to read comics that are still ongoing because I don’t like losing momentum while waiting for updates but here I am 🤡🤡

Spoilers.

 I typed this while distracted so sorry for any muddled thoughts.

Story

I am glad that I read up to Chapter 66 because a huge misunderstanding was cleared up (the fact that Nakyum legitimately did not run away this time). I would’ve been pulling my hair out if the misunderstanding went on further (I HATE misunderstanding/miscommunication as a plot device).

A lot of people on the subreddit theorized that this was a huge turning point in the story. For the first time, we’re seeing Seungho show legitimate remorse and sadness over Nakyum’s suffering. Hopefully we’re going to see change his behaviour and act more reasonably towards Nakyum, and be more communicative about why he’s doing what he’s doing.

Though I think Nakyum is still a bit confused about his feelings for Seungho, he’s past the point of hating Seungho and wanting to leave. He said that he’d tried to run away before but he had nowhere to run to. He acknowledges that Seungho is a constant in his life, a protector and an indirect caregiver. But he’s still struggling with his feelings for Seungho.

In that way, Seungho and Nakyum are sort of opposite. Seungho recognized his romantic love for Nakyum first, but he couldn’t see how he was hurting him. As for Nakyum, he figured out how he could make Seungho happy early on, but he’s still struggling a bit with regards to how he feels about Seungho, likely because a part of his heart is still with Inhun. Again, he definitely recognizes Seungho as his protector (he’d instinctively called out to Seungho for help when he was kidnapped), but he’s still struggling over whether he’s in love with him.

This week we’re getting a continuation to the spinoff story so we won’t see the story pick up again until next week.

I do think the spinoff story is interesting. Currently, Seungho holds a lot of power over Nakyum, both in terms of political/administrative power, and physical power. But with Seungho as a peasant and Nakyum as a son of a noble family, Nakyum holds the social power over Seungho and it evens up their power dynamics a bit, which I do like. It feels safer for Nakyum lmao.

In terms of the style of story telling, it’s mostly angst, I’ll be honest. And it is rather melodramatic because miscommunication tends to be something the author uses quite a bit as a storytelling technique. Luckily, they’re not dragged out for too long.

Art

The art is pretty nice. It’s all in full colour, which surprised me. The art is extremely detailed. I wonder how the artist can do so much in a week lol. I hope they’re not overworked.

Seungho

Both Seungho and Nakyum have had their share of past trauma, but my thinking is that they’ve manifested in different ways.

It’s implied that Seungho’s father knew about his sexuality from a young age and tried to treat it through medical means and then by locking him up, which effectively stopped his education, despite him having been a bright student. Seungho then lived out his young adult days in debauchery. Early on, he implied that he was just living by his father’s principles, or something along those lines. My guess is that his dad left him behind so he could debauch in isolation without affecting the rest of the family.

So Seungho grew up without many close friends. He was surrounded by servants and yes men (like Jihwa) who would not call him out on his bullshit. So I think that’s how he developed his extremely bossy and abusive behaviour.

Why Nakyum was different for Seungho was that initially, he didn’t have power over Nakyum. He would tell him to do things, but Nakyum would not necessarily heed his commands, not painting, or trying to run away. His heart was still fully loyal to Inhun. So I think that was why Nakyum elicited extra violent behaviour from Seungho. Seungho had never been defied like this.

But I think Seungho was also intrigued by Nakyum. Nakyum was a contradiction because he drew smut but was always super embarrassed when faced with sexual situations irl. Seungho should've felt better when Inhun was sent away and Nakyum became submissive during sex and yet that’s when Seungho felt like something was wrong. Nakyum just kept eliciting unexpected emotions from Seungho. I definitely think Seungho saw him as a plaything at first, but came to care for him after he got to know more about him and his personal life.

Nakyum

Nakyum also came from a tough background. He was an orphan, and was raised along kisaeng ladies. Inhun was the first authority figure whom he’d had a positive impression of, and he latched on to him. He admired Inhun so much that he tried his best to listen to him when he told him not to draw erotic art anymore.

Inhun unfortunately didn’t see their relationship the same way. He showed a kind face to most of his students but he looked down on their lowly statuses. Only when he saw Nakyum as a pawn, did he give him attention. But he never hid his emotions, visibly expressing his anger when Nakyum wasn’t being a good spy, brushing off Nakyum’s confession of love.

Nakyum’s love for Inhun was so extremely pure and all-consuming. I cried when he was so swiftly rejected and condescended upon by Inhun T_T Because I knew how much courage it took for Nakyum to confess, how he wanted nothing but for Inhun to have good things, and Inhun cared not for any of that because it wasn’t want he wanted. Nakyum wasn’t helping him in the way he needed, and he cared far more for ambition than romantic love (not to mention romantic love from a lowly peasant).

After the rejection, Nakyum internalized Inhun’s words when he called him a prostitute. A part of him still loved Inhun and if he said that, Nakyum figured he must’ve been right. The other part of him decided that acting submissively to Seungho was the only way to survive.

Basically, Nakyum’s going through a huge emotional journey because his hero Inhun has kind of abandoned him (though he hasn’t forgotten him completely), but Nakyum hasn’t found a worthy person to give his heart to.

Seungho & Nakyum

I’m still thinking about their relationship and why we ship them despite the shit they’ve done (mostly the shit that Seungho’s done to Nakyum).

For Seungho, I think Nakyum was the first person he met who had a different way of expressing love. He’d never met someone like Nakyum who would stuff he despised just to help out Inhun. Even when Inhun didn’t show an inkling of appreciation. Perhaps Seungho felt that he didn’t know what love was until he met Nakyum.

As for Nakyum, he theorized that he was only desperate for affection and that was why he felt himself drawn to Seungho. I think that is technically true. But more than that, I think Seungho has arguably shown more levels of care to Nakyum than Inhun has. Yeah, Seungho has done horrendous stuff to Nakyum, but he’s also shown more affection to Nakyum. That includes physical affection, but Seungho also bought him warm clothes, called on a doctor to care for his health, etc. Again, all of the care absolutely does NOT cancel out the abusive behaviour on Seungho’s side, but that’s how I think Nakyum found himself feeling more and more comfortable with Seungho. Loving someone is about showing your bad sides as well as your good sides.

I think both Seungho and Nakyum are finding affection/care in forms that they’d never experienced before, and that’s why they are drawn to each other.

Problematic?

I had a feeling that this would be a story that a lot of people would consider problematic. It’s probably because I’m older now, but it doesn’t really bother me. I obviously know that there is toxic behaviour shown by the characters and I would never want that in real life, but it’s really not difficult for me to separate what works in fiction vs. what works in reality.

This was a different time period, when rich and powerful people could just do whatever they wanted. Not excusing problematic behaviour, just explaining the entitled behaviour of some of the elites.

Seungho for sure shows extremely toxic behaviour. I think the point is that he is a problematic man who has trouble expressing emotions the normal way, and it ends up hurting those around him and those he cares about. He’s definitely an imperfect person who’s unpleasant to be around, but I think one thing the author wanted to show is that bad people are still capable of having emotions. By no means do I excuse his toxic behaviour. But I am all for showing that flawed people are still worthy of attention. We are still interested in what Seungho does in spite of his poor behaviour because we recognize that he is still a person.

I also recognize that Nakyum is woobified a lot. He’s constantly put in situations where he is the victim and he doesn’t/can’t fight back. In the latest event with Jihwa ordering Nakyum’s kidnapping/murder, the Nameless one had threatened Nakyum’s life so that he wouldn’t reveal the fact that he’d kidnapped him, and that caused all of Seungho’s meanness in the past few chapters. I recognize that whump is a popular trope, but usually because it ends in comfort. (I specifically can’t enjoy whump if it doesn’t end in comfort) It sets up a situation in which it feels reasonable for the victim to receive comfort. Again, this is stuff that I only enjoy in fiction. I recognize that in real life, people shouldn’t have to get hurt to be worthy of love and care. But I can see why people may say that Nakyum being the victim might be a problem.

Other

I thought Jihwa & the Nameless one were going to be a side pairing from the moment I saw the Nameless one’s jaw lmao. It was angular and I was like, that’s a handsome man’s jaw. I’m glad that Jihwa realized before hurting Nakyum that he couldn’t possibly fix his relationship with Seungho anymore. He recognized that even with Nakyum out of the picture, Seungho wouldn’t want to come to him. Seungho’s mind would always be filled with Nakyum, and if Seungho had found out that he was behind the murder, he’d hate Jihwa even more. Like Nameless one, despite the despicable things that Jihwa had done, I did pity him. He was in love with Seungho for a long time, and thought that giving him everything he wanted (including letting him have sexual relations with others) would endear himself to Seungho. But they were just not meant to be.

But Min implied that Jihwa had crossed the line already this time by kidnapping Nakyum. After the happenings of Chapter 66, Seungho’s going to have a field day with Jihwa and I’m not sure how he’s going to get out of that one. Not sure if Nameless one can do anything to help.

I don’t know how long this manhwa is supposed to be, but there are several story lines other than Seungho x Nakyum that haven’t been addressed yet. Like I said, I think we’re going to see Jihwa x Nameless one expanded upon a bit. There’s some stuff going on with the Yoon family, since Seungho’s brother keeps coming over. I wonder if Seungho’s going to try starting a career (this isn’t based on anything, I’m just wondering). And I also have a feeling that Inhun might return, which will likely force Nakyum to choose between Inhun or Seungho once and for all.

To be completely honest, I don’t want this manhwa to drag out for too long. For selfish reasons because again I don’t like waiting for ongoing comic chapters. I don’t know how long the manhwa is intended to be, but based on my paragraph above, it’d still take a lot of time for all of those loose ends to be wrapped up. But considering the fact that Seungho and Nakyum’s relationship is probably finally going to get better, hopefully we’re over half way through? Just me being hopeful.

Final

I didn’t write a full review for this on my Dreamwidth because, like, this comic isn’t even done yet. But as you can see, I enjoyed reading it. I feel like I’m missing a hundred things that crossed my mind while reading this. And there are a lot of interesting analysis posts on Tumblr and Reddit that are opening my mind to other interpretations too.

I had a BL manga phase when I was a teenager and now I’m like “...is it time to get back into it?” Lol. In any case, it’s interesting reading BL as an adult now because like I said, it’s so much easier to separate the fiction from the reality now. I can read BL purely as fiction while recognizing what tropes are not healthy, and they don’t diminish the story. It’s melodramatic because it’s exactly that: melodrama.

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Hey!! 👋🏽😄 I know you said in your last rant about SK8 and Reki and Renga that you were one of those people that always looks up and learns from others, but after your last Langa edit, I just wanted to remind you how immensely talented you are. I might have not seen your first attempts at editing, but I know how it looks like when you're barely starting something, and I'm sure everyone is proud of the progress you've made and many people looks up to you as the level of skill they want to achieve. You're doing amazing! 💖💖💖

Hi, my love!!!!!! ASDFSDFGHG that’s soooo sweet, thank you so much for saying this, it really means the world to me <3 Oh, haha I’ve deleted most of my old videos so it wouldn’t hurt anyone’s eyes lmao T_T I’m still a bit nervous each time I’m uploading my vids to the day to be honest, even with so many subs rn, but at first I really didn’t have any supporters at all and my god I sucked at this, but I guess the love for my fav ships was stronger apparently haha. So I always get silly happy at each nice comment and feedback, so thank you seriously. 

I really love love love vidding, Idk why but when smth comes out the way I wanted it’s a super addictive feeling for some reason, but many times I just looked at the final result and just threw it in the trash and started over and my god how many times SonyVegas crushed and didn’t autosave the project. I’m like Suga now, I’m pressing the save button each 2 minutes, cause don’t want to lose anything xD Being someone’s inspiration is truly an honor to me, I’ve got some messages that hit me too hard. Still feels weird bc I’m like “but do you know that I can’t even use photoshop tho, how do u like me now then?” lol.

I’m always drawn to talented characters, bc they amaze me, esp the humble ones. Like those who hate Haru or Lanaga just buffle me honestly. I understand that they’re pretty and talented and everything, but they’re also the sweetest and loveliest human beings, so like...??? And I adore those who don’t whine and get what they want. I just can’t help it. I’m a strong believer in the fact that "you can do anything if you put your mind to it”. So far it worked in real life so suck it lol.

People are also saying like Langa doesn’t deserve to win this and Haru doesn’t deserve to be in Olympics, like Langa didn’t snowboard since he was 2 and Haru wasn’t swimming every day since he was born. I’m like.. and you need to check in the mirror if your face is a shade of green. BTW I’ve also been in a professional sports for quite a long time since I was a little kid, ballroom dancing and adored it back then, and I did not get jealous at ppl who were talented than me, I was watching the tapes actually with a popcorn. And oh god those large competition events when you sit there for days and give it all, but then you’re like 296 out of 1000. Why was I proud instead of being sad? Idk xD It was fun.

So thanks for liking the vid, cause I even regretted uploading it a bit yesterday. Sadly everyone already knows that we lost this fandom to the middle schoolers being extra, so they do not care for anything each episode except for this ship, so that’s what I got for posting a just Langa vid:

And etc. and that just made me sad, cause I do not like such fandoms, like it’s not even related to the video, that I’ve been making... with love.  Also thanks for the "sama” title, I’m flattered, but editor only wants to vid matchablossom for now, so like there’s no need for any warnings. I’ve been in such horrendoes fandoms, that I’m immune to this. I also in fact didn’t know some keep ruining Langa’s page and saying that he steals Reki’s screen time... cause he’s aparently the only main character...? ...lmao? I didn’t even know Langa can be hated tbh. I wasn’t really ready for all the drama that followed me making a vid about him.

I’ve already deleted some comments, cause I’m like what this even has to do with the vid about Langa? No, I am not obliged to make a vid about Reki, too. What if I post a matchablossom vid, everyone will only start commenting “do renga”, cause fuck your efforts? I’m like... I hate such fanbases, seriously. I do not even know where this is going, but their fans are already pissing me off. I’m still trying hard for this to not affect my point of view about the ship, cause it’d be kinda unfair to them, but its getting harder each week istg.

And I maybe can’t take requests, but I love when some try to get me addicted on their ship with passion and great arguments. It happened to me with some nice ppl. But def not with agression and stupidity haha.

Cause apparently its one of the fandoms where you can’t NOT care for the main ship, even if you accept it for the only possible Langa ship (cause he doesn’t give a shit for anyone else, so like what’s the point), but it doesn’t do anything for you. I’m like... thanks for threatening. This will make me on board ASAP. Like it’s not the epitomy of love to me... I’m sorry? LMAO 

Some anon even sent me a “you’re dense” (literally thats it) ask after that Reki ask. I was tempted to write smth like “oh I’m sorry, this is the most epic love story of my life and his character is the most complex in the world and he’s the best friend and the most inspiring human being that ever hit my screen. can I become undense now? xD”. But you know I do not know if they’d realise the sarcasm and my pride sadly never allowed me to sell my life values for a bunch of 12 years olds to love me lol

My sister always laughs and jokingly says “but you’d probably get much more subs if you made a vid about this or that, but at what price that would be lmao”. Cause yeah, I never could make myself vid smth I do not like, cause I love vidding and do not want it to be associated with things I do not like, plus it’ll most likely turn out ugly, if I do not care. My mom says that she can feel love I put in my shipping vids that’s why she loves them. I really don’t think she’s wrong. But that also kinda makes me an idiot technically, cause I’m not into many of the popular ships, and some popular animes I just find really basic. 

Also I’m like 100% sure it ain’t happening, but even if they miraculously suck each other’s dicks while sitting on a skate board, I can still have the rights not to care at the end. Like did I sign some form where I’m obliged to love each and everyone canon gay ship even if it’s not what I like? Like gay is not the type of love in relationships. You can only care about his ass like Lan Zhan for example or you can only care about your ass. Like that’s different types of relationships, and whatever you like you like. So get all the way of people’s backs, please.

Also do ppl know that you do not need to be blind to the bad sides of the characters in your ships? Or you just gonna be like “I suddenly can’t see” for forever.

So really thanks for such wonderful message and liking the video and for the boosts when I need them and not being an ass to me if I’m not being obsessed with smth, when you like it. (like I think we have different ship in bnha, right? but we’re still doing great tho, thanks for being an angel <3)

I still didn’t expect this becoming a Voltron 2.0. situation tho. We in our twenties see everything differently, I guess. I do get extra about “their love is everywhere”, but I do not get extra by anonymously attacking ppl, threatening creators and yelling “queeerbating psychotic blind assholes if these two aint fucking by the end of the season I’m shaving my head and jumping out of the window and shoot the director. you do not ship it HARD? YOU DUMB FUCK. THAT’S THE BEST LOVE STORY IN THE WORLD”. Like damn, take your blinders off and see the world, kid. Firstly, it’s definitely not, secondly, ppl see love differently in general and at each age too.

Ah, also you must kill Adam, cause he’s a pedo apparently. Like he ain’t even a threat to your ship, unless you’re blind, but they’re still at it, like they do not know that this kind of age difference is literally nothing for an anime? And that there are canon ships with a huger age difference left and right, too. It’s like its their first time approaching an anime or smth. Like in anime world character can literally kill 1000 ppl with his bare hands and bathe in their blood and we can still stan them, depends on their story, ok? Also Langa couldn’t care less for his advances, so like separate Adam from your ship pls. Like, fuck off, if someone is interested in his character. Yeah, he’s a weirdo for reasons, but anime kind of weird do not apply to real life. Stop acting like you’re some purist, when later you’re gonna ship smth else and it suddenly will not apply. Also rules do not apply to animes, everyone knows they do not apply. These are not western cartoons, my god. And 24 years old flirting with 16 year old is defiinitely not the weirdest shit anyone has ever seen in the anime. Chinese BL has characters who were 14 and 30 when they met and happily married. Also FICTION is not life. Literally no one cares. If you’re scared for your saint eyes, do not watch animes, you’re gonna have a heart-attack from what you can see there. Also we’ve seen gayer bromances in animes, who are just bromances, so pls do not shoot anyone if it’s not canon.

So basically I was kinda pissed yersterday, cause fuck them for ruining the tag, but after chatting with my hommies and your ask, I’m okay again, I just have to avoid this fandom and stick to a tight community xD. I just got used to my nice fandoms and forgot for a bit about the precautions you need to take if you’re in one of those. You know. Who make a circus out of lgbt, instead of supporting it, and make other ppl hate being in fandoms.

P.S. sorry for this partially unrelated rant, your messages really always make my heart bloom, so thanks for supporting me, and I know you’re proud of my progress, too <3 and this makes me happy. LY

[artificiallyimplantedmemories]

[ ooc: finally got around to watching ep 2... fatws commentary under the cut ]

they open to john walker in a lover room and my mind immediately went to the idea of locker room talk and how toxic it is but also how much money football programs take from academic ones because the sport is lucrative never mind how many concussions these kids end up getting and damaging their chances as better brain development down the line...

dunno if there’s an equivalent for olivia walker in the comics?

lemar hoskins wasn’t that memorable in the comics but I vaguely remember him being very punchy, and he’s lecturing john on not being able to punch his way out? really?

ugh the whole band and fireworks to introduce cap would have been very much what steve would never have wanted ugh

....at least he admits he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed

bucky sitting there on the floor watching absolutely destroyed me frick. I understand his reason to be angry with sam. I understand why sam did what he did. there’s no easy solution here.

"if your friends jump out of a plane without a parachute, would you do it too?” bucky: yes

redwing is so cool but I miss it being an actual bird lol

did bucky really tear into the truck in front first instead of the one behind when the “hostage” was shown as being alone in there??? dumbass, attack from where they can’t see you and take the rear out first.

teamwork makes the dream work until it doesn’t

god sam is so cool

ow ow ow the handddd

at least off brand cap still uses his shield to save people I guess

gears turning. hard same. overthink, stare, try not to have a breakdown.

them stubbornly walking lol

yOU HACKED REDWING I HATE YOU

“if I had Cap’s wingmen on my side” fuck you government scum

the lead of the flag smashers shares a name with my ex, joy

Sharon was branded the enemy of the state for stealing the shield, and Sam and Steve were on the run for two years... really makes you think about the lengths that they’ve gone to for him, especially Sam as a black man who could be killed for far less in this country

Isaiah T_T god his entire story is so tragic and a direct analogy for the Tuskegee experiment

he has every reason to be angry and I hope that when he eventually finds a reason to help, it’ll be some sort of vindication for him

legit had my heart in my throat at the sound of police sirens. as a poc in the united states, you just know how that’s going to pan out and the vicarious panic is real. I hope this shows more people the reality of it, the fact that they needed to name drop in order to get Sam out of being in trouble, the fact that Bucky was unknowingly complicit, the fact that there was a hand on a gun for not wanting to turn over ID fuck

these therapy sessions are such bullshit but the staring contest was perf

if he was wrong about you he was wrong about me OOF

please break rule number two over douche mcpolicesirendouche’s face

“we’re free agents” yes good good now convince bucky that he’s free too

it doesn’t matter what cause they’re doing it for, the violent self-sacrifice thing always makes my heart clench. it really hits home how much they believe in their cause and how much they think they’re doing right, and frankly if it was just distribution of resources, it might well have been fine

zEMO the most convincing Marvel villain they’ve had, let’s get ready for some major head games next time!!

it’s interesting seeing the responses from other people, especially white people, for this week’s episode, because so much of what Sam experienced here that caught people off guard and made them uncomfortable and jarred them is just... normal for us. this is life as we know it. I hope people come to realize that and it opens their eyes to what’s going on in their own communities.