#why is cas so hard to draw i do not understand

[bangchansgirlsblog]

Keeping up with the Bhangs

This is a one shot from the little series. Read it if you would like it’s on my master list :))

Warning: Angst

Pairing: Bangchan x reader

Summary: Being a mum is hard when you have to constantly play good cop, bad cop.

**

"Chan?" She called for her husband. "Chan come look at what your daughter did!" Y/n called again. The sight infront of her was painful. Her little girl was stood in the middle of the room looking so innocent but she had created a huge train wreck around her. She couldn’t believe it.

She tried to keep her cool, she really did but she couldn’t. She heard the quiet footsteps making their way up towards their daughters room. Her anger was being tested and she felt like she was about to blow.

"What is it Y/n? I have a really important-" he paused when he looked up from his phone as he stared at the sight in front of him. "What the hell?" He let out a gasp.

The room was a mess. There was paint everywhere and crayons all over the wall. The collections of toys chan had gotten Soo-min where spread all over the place and her clothers (Soo-min) was covered in dirt, paint and crayons as she stood there looking innocent with the crayon in her hand. 

"Chan look what your daughter did!" Y/n raised her voice a little causing Soo-min to jump. She took little steps quickly to hide behind her father who was now standing fully in the room. It had been obvious she was scolded before this because her little hands were shaking and her lips were quivering.

Chans eyes soften as he loosened the tie that wrapped around his neck and unbuttoned his shirt. He was determined to keep his wife calm and fix whatever was going on. If he had time of course.

"Hey, Y/n calm down. Don’t stress out baby. Its okay," He picked up his little girl with one hand trying to remove the paint of her face. Her eyes on the verge of tears as she pouted. "We can just get the cleaners to clean it-"

Chan being calm about the whole situation pissed of Y/n to the fullest because why was he so put together? Why was he such a good calm dad.

"Chan! you dont get it! this is not okay, she constantly disobeys, this is a huge mess! i left her for only a few minutes!" Y/n groaned frustrated as she threw the cups she had collected from the ground into a basket. 

"Y/n, its fine. She's a baby-" the glare Y/n gave him instantly made him shut up and look at his little girl that was basically holding onto his shirt for dear life. 

"M' sorry," Soo-min chocked on her sobs as tears started to spill and she Sniffed. She didn’t understand why her mum was being so scary. She only wanted to draw to make her happy cause she knew how sad she had been.

Chans heart melted at her little pout.

"Its okay mama, no need to cry. Daddy's got you," Chan wiped the tears from her cheeks and grabbed the crayon and paint brush from her tiny little hands. "Y/n look what you've done, now she's crying."

"Chan you cant honestly think this is okay-" Y/n was buffled. Chan didn't think this was okay, did he?

"she's a kid! kids make mistakes, she's still learning. You don't scold her, you teach her," His voice was now loud aswell. He was getting frustrated. He didnt want his children growing up in a toxic enviroment where they get yelled at or abused. That was his worst nightmare. 

“Then fine! You raise them if ur such a good teacher,”

“I don’t have time for this Y/n I have a big meeting coming-“

“Of course you fucking do, why don’t you just move into your office and abandon your kids and pregnant wife!”

Her blood was boiling. It was like she was getting everything off her chest and she needed it.

“Y/n that’s enough. Your acting like a child in front of her!” Chan growled. “You can’t even control this situation without calling and crying for me,” his chest was moving up and down as he was huffing. Trying so hard to control himself but he was stressed and tired and it was like she wanted to pick a fight every chance she got.

"Chan! why do you always have to be good cop. Why cant you see this is wrong? Stop being a bad parent and-'

"Bad parent?" He scoffs and looked up at her buffled, "I'm the bad parent? just cause you were abused when you were younger doesn't mean you have to put your trauma on my children..." His eyes go wide. He didn't mean it. He was just angry. He didn't mean any of it. 

The tension in the air wise thick. The shocked gasp that left her mouth was painful. Her head started to spin. Her eyes turning red as her body started to overheat. The emotions she felt were overwhelming. A panic attack was coming on. Her eyes landed on her daughter, the little girl was covering her ears trying to cover her face in her fathers chest. Was she a monster?

"Papa? no fighting," The little girl squealed as she still continued to cover her ears. This made Y/n's heart break. was it true? was she becoming her toxic mother. 

 "It's okay mama," He comforted her shivering body, "I-Im going to get her changed so i can go back to my meeting. I'll tell the maids to come clean up," he so badly wanted to hold his wife and apologize but with the way she stood in one place he knew he couldn't have the conversation, well not right now. 

The door closed behind him as her little girls sniffles slowly faded in the distance. Y/n was in shock. Her brain was taking long to react. Her hands were cold and all of a sudden she couldnt hear anything around her.

Was she the problem? Was she being hard on the kids? she never yelled at any of them unless they did something horrible, she never intended for the father of her kids to call her toxic. To embarrass her like that.

It was too much, she was done playing tough guy. she was tired of the constant fight of depression. She was tired of her husband degrading her as she stayed home while he was out all night partying doing God knows what. 

She wanted her life back. she wanted to be fun again. She didnt want to be tired all the time. She was tired of being pregnant.

Her face felt wet. Her hands automatically covering her eyes. Heart wrenching sobs leaving her body as she placed a hand on her belly. The doubt of being a mother was creeping back up. The sudden urge to run away and dissapear haunted her conscious. Truth is she was tired of the fake smiles and the big parties and important business people.

Yes, she loved the big house her husband built for them, she loved the grand cars and the golden credit cards but she wanted to feel again. She wanted to be loved again. By her husband. She wanted to be a teenager again, falling in love and being young and free.

She laid on the called floor. Her arms supporting the heavy bump she was carrying. The tiled sending shivers down her spine. The tears still spilling from her eyes until eventually she grew tired and fell asleep.

[alicenpai]

🌟 ART SUMMARY 2024 🥂

this was a year where i didnt draw a lot, despite that, i tried to make every drawing count. thank you all for the support in 2024, here's to 2025 ! 🫶

⭐ [read more starts here]

i continued my goals from last year with regards to perfectionism. the tldr is that i strongly feel my perfectionism kept me away from completing as many drawings as i could, and i had to make an effort to just finish drawings no matter how lukewarm I felt about them. 2024 was a strange year, it came and went in the blink of an eye, even more than previous years! life has been stressful, so i've been trying to focus more on myself and taking time off drawing. ironic, although i think i succeeded in that above goal, i expected to get more drawings out of it, but ended up taking more time off drawing anyways. towards the end of the year, i started feeling more burnt out, and drawing became a slow and arduous process. i think part of the reason was because 2024 was my first year doing 5 events - 2 full weekend conventions (anime north and otakuthon), and 3 single day events (bamtori fall aapi market, toronto game expo, bamtori jinglebam market), when in the past 2 years i'd just opt to do 1-2 local cons. it was also my first time doing single day events, which were super chill! although you have to both set up and tear down on the same day, i felt more casual at those events, had more time to chat and look around. back to my point - despite being fun, doing so many events took its toll on me - especially during the colder months of the year, where i wasn't so used to going to events haha! usually i take fall as the time to rejuvenate and recover from summer events, but i couldn't really do that this year. i kept questioning myself, "does this drawing have appeal? will people buy this?" "is my art hireable?" and it's just not a healthy mindset to have. next year i'll try to draw more of what i enjoy and what's on my mind, instead of worrying too much if it's sellable! *feeling like the HAHA YES sickos meme* - 2025 art goals outlined below: - oc zine (aiming for a character guide with some test comics) - character interactions & poses! e.g. dancing, hugs - generally stuff that's more difficult to draw. my art is more illustrative, but sometimes i wished it was more engaging emotionally? like i want people to smile and cry with my characters... - illustrations that challenge me. when i say illusts that challenge me it's pretty abstract - do research and gather inspiration for every illust.. compositions that are difficult/complex and take a while to draft.. strong theme.. it's more for me to understand AHAHAHA. as the years go by you can see my art becoming more unified in theme and self indulgent... i want to keep going, i want to make art that is uniquely mine. less priority: - get used to sketching! truly miss how i used to fill up sketchbooks every year - sticker sheets (this is on the less priority list bc i will probably fulfill this goal regardless) - oc merch (happy with the stickers i made in the last 2 yrs, let's keep going!) - silly things! e.g. 4koma, silly doodles. comedy is an art, it IS a skill you can study and chip away at (e.g. comedians and comedy writers). make sure i take notes on really stand-out jokes i find funny & why

other various things to try and draw more of: - group pictures - animals - layouts and props. i find layouts and anything with hard surfaces difficult to draw, which is why i draw a lot of flowers and fabric LMAO. one thing i gotta do is start by either drawing characters holding props more (easy baby steps!) and/ or start drawing props around them and make my way towards harder things (e.g. practice drawing a character sitting, i'll start by drawing a simple chair, then a table, then objects on that table). this is also one of my weaknesses - draw the ground they're standing on if possible, e.g. characters standing on a grid - vehicles, if i can. i mostly draw stuff from fantasy series where cars don't exist LOL but i'll try...

[moons-and-mobility-aids]

Fraud

Pairings: Poly!marauders x disabled!reader Summary: Amycus Carrow wants to prove that you can walk. [wordcount: 1.8k words] Tags: fem!reader, wheelchair user!reader, ableism, protective!marauders, hurt/comfort Series Masterlist

The echo of your wheels against the stone floor is a steady rhythm in your ears, emphasising the silence that fills the vast corridors. It's a quiet day at Hogwarts; the castle's usual cacophony is subdued to a hushed murmur, almost peaceful.

You're humming a little tune under your breath, the melody weaving through your thoughts like a comforting friend. The Gryffindor common room waits for you at the end of this journey, a sanctuary filled with laughter and warmth. You can already see James' eyes lighting up as he recounts his latest Quidditch manoeuvre, Sirius' infectious laugh bouncing off the ancient walls, and Remus' soft smile as he listens, content.

But before you reach the familiar portrait of the Fat Lady, you sense a change in the air, a shift that makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. A presence, unseen but palpable, looms behind you, the slow, deliberate footsteps growing louder.

You stop, your heart pounding against your ribcage, and look over your shoulder.

There, standing tall and menacing, is Amycus Carrow. He's a seventh-year Slytherin, known not for academic prowess or sporting achievement, but for the cruelty that seems to radiate from him like a dark aura. His eyes are cold, devoid of empathy, and his lips curl into a sneer that sends shivers down your spine.

"Well, well," he drawls, his voice slithering through the corridor like a serpent stalking its prey. "If it isn't the Gryffindor girl who plays the perfect damsel in distress."

His footsteps draw closer, deliberate and menacing, blocking your path to freedom. Your heart pounds in your chest, a rabbit caught in a snare. He shouldn't know this. Only the boys have seen you walk, and you trust them implicitly—they wouldn't betray you.

You keep your face smooth, knowing that any sign of fear will only fuel his sadistic pleasure. "Out of my way, Carrow."

He doesn't move. Instead, he steps closer, a dark cloud casting shadow over your world. His hand twitches at his side, and you notice the wand loosely held between his fingers. The air around him feels charged, like a storm ready to break. "I've been hearing rumours. Interesting ones. That our little Gryffindor here can stand up just fine. Walk, even."

You swallow hard, a knot forming in your stomach. "I don't know what you've heard, but it's none of your business."

Carrow's smirk widens, and he twirls his wand lazily between his fingers. "Oh, I think it is my business. I don't like liars or people pretending to be something they're not. So why don't we find out the truth?"

You grip the armrests of your wheelchair, feeling the tension build in your body. You've dealt with people like him before—those who don't understand or care about the complexities of disability and see it as something to challenge. But this feels different. More dangerous.

"Let's see what happens when I remove the chair from under you," Carrow proposes, a sly grin creeping onto his face. "Perhaps your legs will remember their purpose."

Suddenly, the sensation of being lifted from the ground fills your senses. It's not right. Your body is still, yet it feels as if invisible hands are tugging at your limbs, pulling you upward. Panic seizes you, and your fingers dig into the armrests, knuckles white with strain.

"Stop!" you shout, your voice echoing off the stone walls. "You have no idea what you're doing!"

"Oh, but I think I do," Carrow retorts, the corners of his mouth twisting into a cruel smile. "I'm testing the validity of your claim. We'll see if the 'crippled' Gryffindor is as helpless as she says."

The pressure increases, insistent, and you feel your body rise ever so slightly from the chair. Your legs dangle uselessly, a stark reminder of their betrayal. You will yourself to remain calm, to think, but fear is a wildfire, spreading through your veins, consuming all rational thought.

Then you hear it—a sound that pierces through your terror. Voices, familiar and strong.

"Put her down."

It's Sirius's voice, sharp as a blade, cutting through the haze of your fear. You twist your head towards the sound, and for a moment, your heart dares to hope. There, just steps away, stand James, Remus, and Sirius, their faces twisted in anger, their wands raised and ready.

Carrow seems taken aback by the sudden interruption, his grip on your arm faltering ever so slightly. But he recovers quickly, his sneer returning as he keeps his wand trained on you. He tilts his head, his eyes gleaming with malice. "Well, well, what have we here? The brave Gryffindors come to play? I was just seeing if your little pet here is as helpless as she seems."

James is the first to move, stepping forward. His face is a mask of fury, but his voice remains steady, laced with an authority that belies his age. "Put her down, Carrow. Now."

Sirius follows suit, wand already drawn, pointed directly at the older boy. The threat in his eyes is as palpable as the magic crackling at his fingertips. "Touch her again, and you won't be walking for a long time."

Carrow's wand wavers ever so slightly, the beginnings of uncertainty creeping into the edges of his resolve. He glances from James to Sirius, then back to you, clearly weighing the risks of pressing on.

Then Remus steps up, placing himself between you and Carrow, his usual calm demeanour hardened by the situation unfolding before them. His voice cuts through the tense silence, carrying a note of danger seldom heard from the quiet Marauder. "If you want to hurt her, you'll have to get through us first."

Carrow's eyes flicker between the three of them, his grip on his wand flexing. There's a change in him, a falter that speaks more of caution than bravado. He's outnumbered, outflanked by their united front.

Before of your floating form, they stand like sentinels, each bristling with an energy that pulsates through the room. Their faces are masks of determination, hard lines and narrowed eyes speaking volumes of their readiness to defend. The air shimmers with tension, and for a moment, it seems that Carrow might push back against the tide rising against him.

Then, abruptly, the levitation spell is released, and you're falling. A gasp escapes your lips as you land heavily back in your chair, jarring your already bruised body. Carrow's wand lowers, the sneer on his face deepening into something even more unpleasant.

"Very well," he says, his voice dripping with disdain. "Keep your secrets for now. But don't think the others won't start asking questions about what you're hiding."

James steps forward, wand raised higher, his stance unyielding. There's a new hardness in his eyes, a promise of action should Carrow overstep his bounds. "Leave, Carrow. Before I make you."

Carrow's lip curls into a sneer, but he remains silent, weighing his options. He casts one last glance at you, a look that speaks volumes of unfinished business, before turning on his heel and marching down the corridor. His footsteps echo off the stone walls, a fading reminder of the threat he poses.

As soon as Carrow is out of sight, you release a shaky breath you didn't know you were holding, fingers still clenching the armrests with white-knuckled force. The boys are instantly at your side—Sirius drops to his knees in front of you, hands resting lightly on your own, while James and Remus hover nearby, their concern etched into every line of their tense bodies.

"Are you all right?" Sirius's inquiry is softer now, though the anger hasn't entirely left his voice.

You give a small nod, even as your pulse continues to race. "Yes, I'm fine. He didn't... he didn't harm me."

James's fingers tighten around yours, offering silent reassurance. "We should've hexed him on the spot. The nerve of him—"

A pause hangs in the air, long and heavy, before Remus speaks again. His hand remains steady on your shoulder, but there's a flicker behind his normally calm eyes—a hint of the storm raging beneath the surface. "If he so much as looks at you wrong, we'll deal with him."

"I could have handled it," you insist, your voice barely above a whisper. You force a smile, but it wavers, unconvincing. "I just didn't want to... escalate things."

Sirius shakes his head, his hands still resting on your shoulders as if to shield you from the world outside this quiet corner. "You shouldn't be dealing with this alone, Y/N," he says, voice rough with unspoken emotion. "We're here. We've got your back, always."

James leans forward, his forehead pressing against yours for a moment—a silent promise of solidarity. His breath is warm and steady against your skin, a stark contrast to the chill that has settled in your bones. "No one has the right to treat you like that," he whispers fervently, his words laced with an anger not directed at you, but fiercely protective of you. "Especially not some bloody Slytherin."

Your lip worries between your teeth, and you glance at the three men who have formed a protective barrier around you. In their eyes, you see not only concern but also a fierce determination to keep you safe. "I didn't think it would be this bad," you admit, voice barely a whisper. "I didn't tell anyone I could walk."

Remus's gaze softens even as his brow furrows deeper. "We didn't breathe a word of it either," he assures you, his tone gentle yet firm. "Carrow must have suspected or deduced it on his own. It doesn't matter now. He won't get another chance to harm you."

Sirius rises from his chair, crossing the room in long strides until he stands before you. His hand lifts, hovering for a moment before finally settling on your cheek—a touch as light as a feather yet grounding in its familiarity. "You don't owe anyone an explanation," he says, his voice a low rumble that reverberates with the promise of protection. "Especially not him."

A lump forms in your throat, but you manage to choke out a response. "I just... I didn't want anyone to think I was pretending."

James's lips press against the top of your head, his voice a low rumble that resonates with the steadiness you've come to associate with him. "No one who matters would think that. You're not pretending. You're just being you, and that's all we could ever ask for."

Sirius nods, his hand coming to rest on your shoulder, a silent pledge of solidarity. Remus continues to rub soothing circles into your back, his touch a grounding presence amid the tempest of your thoughts.

They are here—standing guard, standing with you, ready to face whatever may come. With them, you know you won't have to face it alone.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey Cas! I hope you're doing well :)

I just have a question I'm not sure about.

I was playing a game(a video game) with my dad and my 9yr old sister where you had to draw a few images in a limited time and then make up a few random slogans and they get randomly mixed up and every one has to pair up a slogan and a design and then every one votes on them.

For one of my slogans I wrote 'spiderman is bisexual' the unsaid ending 'change my mind' like those memes because it's just a personal headcannon of mine. I didn't even think it'd end up in the game bc there were so many other slogans.

It ended up that my sister (who can barely read) had picked it for a design and my dad said my name like I was in trouble. I asked him why and he basically said I shouldn't say stuff like that around my sister, which I don't understand. To me he sounded like those trump supporters who say kids shouldn't hear about lgbtq+ when they're kids.

It just made me really uncomfortable and he's said some stuff before kinda bordering on homophobic so idk if I'm in the wrong for saying it or not.

I've also been questioning my sexuality recently and him being borderline homophobic hasn't helped. I know he's definitely not trying to be homophobic I think he just doesn't understand it.

It just made me wonder if I said the wrong thing or him.

Please help me, I need to know if I did something wrong

Hi <3

I think it's hard because a lot of older people think sexuality is sexual when it's not. Like if you had mentioned Spiderman kissing whatshername...Mary Jane?....would your dad have gotten upset? I don't know, but I'm guessing it's less likely. Because people see queerness as sexual and inappropriate. So your dad was like 'OMG how dare you talk about such sexual and inappropriate things in front of a child' but like....you weren't talking about anything inherently sexual. So yeah, it's homophobic but he probably won't admit or realize it's homophobic.

I don't think you did anything inappropriate. Queerness isn't bad or wrong. But also I don't think you'll be able to convince him of that anytime soon, so you might want to pick a different thing to draw next time, sadly, unless another adult in the house will back you up.

[zybynarx]

Although Cas had seen Dean looking hurt in every possible way over the years, his expression would have broken his heart if it wasn’t already in pieces. “Cas, I don’t understand,” he said. “I know you don’t,” Castiel answered. “That is the main problem, isn’t it?”

This is only a small snippet of the beautiful story that @sitruunavohveli created for this year's @dcbtv event! Do yourself a favor and go check out the beautifully heart-wrenching (but with a happy ending) story HERE!

If you happened to click the "keep reading" link, welcome to the artist comments section!

Man... I feel a little bad for Cas because I decided to draw the scene where he's driven away but had to pull over to start crying. There are so many beautiful scenes in this story, yet for some reason this was the scene that jumped out to me the most! I told Tossukka about it, and this is what she had to say about it:

" I tried to capture in my opinion one of the most tragic things about their whole friendship/relationship which is Dean having fear of rejection, and wanting Cas to stay without him having to ask it, and Cas feeling he is not important to anyone unless he's useful so he always leaves, either to do something useful or sacrificing himself to protect others. The crying in the car is because I think Cas hates leaving just as much as Dean hates being left behind. 🥺 "

My heart got sucker punched in the feels after reading this response and I was HELLA determined to do my best to reflect that response as well as the hurt in the song with my drawing!

For the banner... I think some people may be a little confused by it so let me explain! As I was reading the story, the thought occurred to me of how lonely Cas was feeling throughout. And so my brain, being the angst monster it likes to be at times, thought, "Cas is lonely within their home just like he would have been lonely in the Empty." So that's why it looks like the empty is coming for him! It's not really... it's just symbolic. XD

I want to give my author a super huge shout-out and lots of kudos! She did such a fantastic job with this story with how she wrote the characters and how she takes you on this emotional roller coaster with these two! My heart ached and soared at so many different points while reading and I can't stop recommend it enough!

I'd also like to give a big thanks to the mods who run the DeanCas Bang (Taylor's Version) every year! This is one of the bangs I always look forward to participating in! Thanks for all of your hard work, and thank you especially for the small check-in extension when shiz hit the fan IRL for me.

Thanks for reading this far if you have!

[demigoddessqueens]

(1/2) Can I request a male match up for Critical Role Campaign 1 Vox Machina, Campaign 2 Mighty Nein, Castlevania, and Baldur's Gate 3 please?

Sexuality : Straight but please exclude Baldur's Gate 3 Raphael, Emperor, Cazador, Thorm, and the Withers!

My personality : I'm shy, timid, quiet & polite to strangers. With people I'm comfortable with, I'm loud, outgoing, playful, mature, responsible, motherly(to naughty friends), childlike(to mature friends/family) and sarcastic (unintentionally).

I'm kinda tomboyish as I wear over-sized t-shirts, baggy pants, sneakers but don't play sports or video games. I'm a slow learner, not smart, not strong, and not talented. It's pretty normal that even my loved ones would be frustrated with me when I can't understand what they want me to do.I'm pretty dense, straightforward, oblivious, and naive too.

I get confused or misunderstand what people meant easily so it's best if you tell me straight to my face so I can't be mistaken. I'm also touch starved as I love giving & receiving affection but I only can hug one person and even then, I do my best to not overdo it because I can be overly touchy if I don't hold myself back.

I'm a hopeless romantic, sensitive, clingy, forgetful, & overthink often. I work as hard as I can & try my best & be careful as I can to everything I do, as I'm pretty clumsy & makes mistakes more often than most people. I try to help my family and friends as they've helped me & cared for me dearly.

2/2) I try to communicate properly & ask for their consent first before doing anything because I misunderstood that I had their permission before. I do my best to give people the benefit of doubt but I do have my limits. I don't really get angry often that even my family & friends are surprised when it happens once in a blue moon. I don't believe in compliments I get occasionally or why my family & friends care for me because I don't see good things in myself only bad things. I'm insecure about still being a bit underweight.

Hobbies : drawing, reading manga, listening to music, fanfics especially reader inserts, and watching anime, movies, & cartoons. My favourite genre is romance but I love comedy, mystery, action, sci-fi, fantasy, and historical too! My favourite music genre is pop, but I also love ballads, & alternative rock!

Likes : music, fanfiction, manga, anime, cartoons, books (If I find it interesting), family, friends, potato chips, chocolate, cakes, bread, anyone who is kind, patient, supportive, helpful, tries at least, trustworthy, responsible, fair in general, respectful, flexible, honest, open-minded, humble, sincere, accepting, thoughtful, encouraging, forgiving, careful, understanding, wise, mature, cooperative, caring, etc.

Dislikes : anyone who's rude, disrespectful, doesn't listen to others, refuse to admit mistakes, blames others for their mistakes, ignores people yet demands attention from them, demanding, won't acknowledge what you said, hypocritical, biased, irresponsible, careless, disloyal, inconsiderate, insensitive, inflexible, petty, hostile, untrustworthy, immature, uncooperative, unforgiving, judgemental, narrow-minded, self-centred, unethical, self-righteous, etc. That's more but that's all I could think of.

MASTERLIST 11

Vox Machina

I pair you with….Vax

He’s your support, your listener, the one who understands what you’re going through and those sticky fingers always “gifting” you things that catch your eye. He adores the romantic side of you.

The Mighty Nein

Pair you with…Beauregard

She’s curious about what interests you and sees how you don’t take shit from anyone or anything at anytime. You stick up for her and she’s got your back too. Kisses from you on her bruised knuckles help all the same.

Bell’s Hells

You are with….Ashton

He feels protective of you, despite his denial that he’s grown more fond of you than before. The barbarian can be their most authentic self around you, all the ugly and good is at your feet, and you accept him still.

Castlevania

I pair you with.., Sypha

She recognizes how similar you and Trevor can be which can cause you to butt heads with each other but she knows you mean well. Living as a Speaker entails being well read and observant which you two find common ground on. She’ll even listen to your music, one earbud for you both

Baldur’s Gate

I pair you with….Astarion

He feels a closeness with you because he can recognize the same cycle he’s repeated for 200 years but he sees you making a difference. Bit by bit, he does too because you inspire him. Gentle touches from you make him shiver at the touch

[entropic-saudade]

Also can we just talk about The Implications from when Jack says “I wanted mankind to make their own fate. No interference from anywhere, no exceptions”?

Without interference, Sam’s world could’ve been destroyed too. Even if Sam and the other living hunters would’ve copped onto the danger eventually, because the Akrida needed to be killed by something not from earth, then their chances would’ve been slim (of course, they could’ve gone to Purgatory or Hell or used the HunterCorp versions or Apocalypse versions of the people that may have still been down there —unless Jack put them back — in order to find a suitable weapon, so it’s possible they had a better chance of not getting destroyed compared to other worlds). We know this, bc Dean says it next as his reasoning for meddling.

That fact is why Dean and Baby were vital, even when the core four did most of the work throughout the season to make their own fate after Dean set the ball rolling in The Winchesters. Dean needed to interfere in order to save all the worlds.

And in doing so, isn’t Dean making his own fate?

Or do you only get to make your own fate if you’re alive? (In which case, Heaven isn’t quite as free as it claims to be).

Are you only considered part of mankind if you’re alive? (Ouch. The person who throughout the show, at least to Cas, has been humanity’s representative (“He’s in love… with humanity,” “I loved everyone because of you”) and one of its saviors is no longer considered to be part of that?)

Thinking outside of “Chuck won”/“Jack is corrupted by Chuck/god power” theories, it’s possible that since Jack is still pretty much a kid (he still can’t tie his shoes 😭) he just doesn’t understand the nuances or full implications of the rules he’s trying to implement. He doesn’t understand that without Dean’s interference those worlds— even a world with people he cares about on it— may have been lost. He doesn’t understand that not doing anything to save those worlds is a bad thing (abstaining from action is not a neutral choice, it aligns one with the oppressor (in this case, the Akrida, and thus Chuck) in situations where one otherwise has the power to help). He’s trying so hard to maintain peace and order, to not repeat the mistakes of his grandfather and father, that he’s tragically still missing the point. It’s a lot of responsibility and power, and the only existing guidebook on how to wield it is basically trash so he’s having to make stuff up as he goes too. Which is terrifying and stressful and things would work so much better if people just stayed in the lines he’s drawing.

A large part of early SPN was focused on how God (and by nature, all gods, fathers, & makers) seemingly left. No prayers answered, no signs, just radio silence. His absence was the impetus for a lot of major events— the angels gunning to get the apocalypse started and over with bc they wanted some peace too; the angel civil war after they averted the apocalypse and Cas subsequently swallowing Purgatory for power, going mad, and unleashing the leviathan; Cas inadvertently causing the angels to fall in the struggle for power after Naomi and Metatron’s manipulations, Metatron making himself God, the factions that arose from fallen angels; Amara being released and yelling to be heard. God being absent, and being seemingly hands-off, didn’t work.

[For now I’m not even going to dissect how Chuck claims he left because ‘helicopter parenting’ didn’t work, and that him leaving was okay because humanity made it— because it had Sam and Dean. But then we see him later (and in actuality throughout the show) just trying to repeat the same narrative patterns he already wrote— Isaac and Abraham, Cain and Abel, etc for the sake of the story when it’s revealed he does interfere]

The late seasons posit that in actuality the issue was that God interfered too much, both by writing the overall narrative and with all the times he interfered (writing himself in as Chuck, resurrecting TFW countless times, anything he did to make a good story— and specifically, with his actions toward the end— killing Jack, raising Hell, snapping everyone away and trying to make his ending happen).

Jack only knows or has only experienced the latter— with the exception of Cas not being there after he was born and his short-lived experience of being separated from a father figure in that way, he hasn’t had to experience what Cas, Sam, Dean, humanity and the angels experienced for centuries. [This to me would’ve made leaving the deleted scene from 15x19 where Jack prays to Cas but gets no answer more poignant if they left it in— Jack knows what praying to no one feels like, what that pain and confusion is like]. Especially since Jack was just able to wake Cas up from the Empty anyway, and evidently pull him back out unseen in the finale, compared to everyone else he hasn’t had to experience the early seasons absent god/father struggles. He doesn’t understand that interference from on high isn’t always a bad thing in terms of where it gets humanity; the issue was that Chuck did it as entertainment, toyed with them and forced them through all this for a story. The solution then, is to just try to get Jack to understand the nuance and help with the rules and reign (which we see here a little bit, when both Dean and Bobby explain why Dean interfered and Bobby vouches for him, so Jack allows it, giving him the Colt. He still wants to put Dean back in the Heaven box but again, he’s just trying to hold things to gather and it would be a lot easier if everyone would stay where they were put).

But it shouldn’t be solely up to Jack to bear that weight.

Over and over the show has shown us that any single person trying to dictate how Heaven should be run or trying to fill that space — be it Chuck himself, or a well-meaning Cas, or Raphael, or Naomi, or Metatron, or Lucifer— doesn’t work. Over and over the show has shown us that what does work is when people work as a team— team free will, both versions; any time they rally all their allies to unite against a force bigger than they are; every version of found family on the show. Every time a hunter helps another. (Something The Winchesters emphasizes too.) Any time they win — whether it be finally killing Azazel, stopping the apocalypse, stopping the leviathan, or Amara, etc— although it’s usually one of the boys that does the final act, they never get there on their own. It always takes the help and teamwork from friends and foes alike to get there.

Although Amara wasn’t always great (blame her early attitude on Chuck), she brought up a good point about how ruling should have been about balance— not a single point of view or dictatorial narrative, but at the least two of them, working in tandem. Although Chuck absorbed Amara and Jack took in Amara when he took Chuck’s power, this balance still isn’t something we necessarily got to see onscreen in either show. It would be nice to see Amara out and let her help, along with getting visual confirmation that Cas is there and helping too, and it’s not just Jack.

If you do look at the situation from a ‘Chuck won/corruption’ theory, however, then the implications are far more sinister— Jack doesn’t want Dean or anyone interfering, meaning those worlds including Sam’s would’ve been destroyed. Interfere, and risk getting cast out of Heaven— and away from where you got the chance to meddle in the first place. He’s choosing to not interfere because on the surface it makes him look like a better, changed God, but I reiterate: abstaining from action is not a neutral choice, and in a situation where he literally has the power to do otherwise, it aligns him with the villain— the Akrida, and thus Chuck. So nothing has really changed, underneath. Mankind makes their own fate but only within limited parameters set up by Chuck, making it a rigged game. It’s a no-win scenario. Dean has to go back to the box of Heaven, where despite his family being down the road from him he still feels driven to seek out a universe where his family had a shot at a happy ending. Dean is made to go back to where Carry On was playing, where he no longer gets to pick the music. (In. What. World. Would Dean pick that cover of Wayward Son. 💀)

Either way, whether Jack is actively corrupted by Chuck, or if he just doesn’t really fully understand what he’s doing, Jack needs a little help in running Heaven and the multiverse. Dean should be allowed to be part of that help. We should get to see Cas be part of that help. We should get to see Jack change a little more, to have more nuanced understanding and flexibility.

And we should get to see that more in Season 2 if the show is renewed.

[mathlann]

Thought Dump about YM and being heir, and some other stuff.

The circumstances in which YM got declared heir is a whole nother long-ass post in itself, but I do think the starting trouble of his heir-dom is both that he represents a Lot™ as far as the von Valancius dynasty goes and the choice to foist that on him was mostly a rash decision Casimira made before he was born and now they're both stuck with it because by the time she started to reconsider it was far too late.

Like, being a regular Rogue Trader's heir is a lot of pressure, but he is also the first von Valancius born in the Expanse for at least the last 3-400 years (Theodora being from Scarus and Casimira being Calixian), the first heir born after his dynasty became the most powerful one in the region, and (quietly) a living result of his mom's particular policies regarding Aeldari.

Which is a lot even without even without factoring in parental issues! And no doubt the above became a factor that contributed to Cas deciding not only to publicly make him heir presumptive but also go out of her way to have the "Royal Baby Legitimacy Experience" (with plenty of bribes and negotiations under the table) on Dargonus. Which, barring some quarrels about not having him be born in the capitol world, worked very well in signifying the continuation of the dynasty etc etc.

But at the same time being an only child and heir presumptive kinda did mess him up in a way that definitely isn't helpful to making him want to be heir. Because Cas is very disdainful of hereditary nobility without merit, and inasmuch as Cas' protective shield of exceptionalism extends to her son, YM does on some level recognize he is the very type of person his mom would usually be bitching about after a long day at court. And so, like both his parents, he tends to draw on his origins as a form of self-justification but unlike his parents he doesn't yet have any big deeds to back up that self-belief and therefore deepens his own anxiety around failure because if he's not careful he rationalizes himself into being the thing he's scared of being.

Another "not helping" thing is that Cas learned how to be Rogue Trader by trial and error but doesn't really want YM to have to do that yet. So she gets big on him having a formal Noble Education so that he'll have a good base to work with, despite that fact that he is her and Marazhai in all the ways most calibrated to frustrate her and so doesn't take to hardly any of them. Not because he's not smart enough to grasp the material, but because neither of his parents had to sit in school like this and they turned out fine, so why should he care about Administratum procedures when he could be out in the Heathen Stars adventuring or something? The underside of this is also avoidance, in that failing these things are also a reflection on him so to get out of being "the Heir who tried and failed Administratum Procedures 101" its best to blow it off entirely. Which irritates his mom, because while she understands his wanting to go out and learn the hard way, the tedious shit is important too and its not boding well that it doesn't seem that he sees that. And thus the eternal war of "Im too good for this" and "I'm failing" continues eternal.

Having parents with very different timescales also doesn't help, nor does the fact that his mom and direct comparison point is kind of a fluke. Like on the one hand his young adult years mean nothing to Aeldari in total lifespan so he has time, on the other hand his mother was ruling a large chunk of the Independent Expanse by her early-to-mid thirties, Realspace Time. So being in his twenties and still not even having command of his own ship stings.

Making Marazhai more explicitly a Corsair Prince in my canon does offer a lot more when it comes to "what could've been" for YM. Because by the mere fact of his existence he was never going to be a bastard with nothing. There is a potential future (and one he'd probably like more) where he was just Cas' bastard and was Marazhai's heir presumptive. He wouldn't have the same cushy future job security for sure but the role might have fit his temperament better. Or he would just inherit a different flavor of parental issues and long to be a Rogue Trader's heir. Who knows.

Heir blues aside, YM also does have a perfectly calibrated "fucking with my parents" gene and makes it his business to cultivate a circle of "not necessarily harmful but personally irritating" set of friends and acquaintances to be on hand for social occasions where annoying either parent is the goal.

One of his "learning how the Administratum works" lessons was absolutely getting Jae the renewal of her Mercatum Tabular Rasa. It was a success....ignoring suspicious blood stains and the disappearance of a particularly annoying clerk.

During his eventual Gap Decade with Marazhai he probably gets some training from a Void Dreamer, a type of Aeldari Corsair Psyker that helps ships navigate both Warp and Webway. This solves one of the bigger problems in his life, being that he can't totally atrophy his abilities to the same extent as a Drukhari but following a Path like an Asuryani would send Marazhai into a fit. Void Dreamers, being adept at Warp travel, would be able to help him manage his senses during longer Warp Jumps without necessarily having to resort to violence.

[themuliama]

I've been drawing for a very VERY long time. I've been inspired by artists on the internet and I've been looking at a LOT of beginner drawing tutorials on YouTube. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't improve as much as I wanted. My characters looked weird, and my coloring and lines were horrible…

But if like me you've watched HOURS of drawing tutorials and have been practicing for DAYS, but feel frustrated in your improvement anyways, you're just like me! And do you know why? Because like me, you've never worked on the drawing fundamentals!

Don't worry anybody can learn about the fundamentals with enough practice, effort, and most importantly, good information!!

So if you've been drawing for a long time and you think that you didn't improve enough, or if you want to start drawing but you've never known where to start, this is the perfect article to guide you in your art journey!

Keep reading and let's start to draw seriously together!! :D

The joy of starting!

Drawing is an excellent way of self-expression, a way to become more creative, and a way to see the world from a whole new perspective! You'll be so proud and happy to share your ideas and create beautiful drawings! And you'll learn SO MUCH about the world and the objects around you!

But if there is one thing that you have to keep in mind during this journey, is that everyone starts as a newbie! So don't be harsh on yourself and give yourself some time to learn and practice the things that will make you improve! Being an artist is a wonderful journey! Take some pleasure to live it!

Something else to keep in mind is that material is not an excuse! A pen and some printing paper are more than enough to start! The most important is to actually draw consistently!  Anecdote: I started to draw in my notebook during French class in middle school. (Don't be like me though listen during class)

So now you should be asking…

But what are the fundamentals I need to learn?

And you're right to ask this question! Just drawing every day isn't enough to improve your competence. You'll need to draw things that will make you improve! 

Having a good drawing foundation is important to build a good drawing style!! 

So here are the fundamentals you need to learn as a beginner:

Perspective

That is what will make your line on the paper feel 3D!

Here you'll need to learn about what makes an object feel like it has volume, how something farther away would look like, etc.

I have two exercises for this fundamentals!  The first one is to actually draw objects! Draw cubes, cylinders, and spheres in any direction you can think of!

Here is what it looks like when I do this exercise!

The second exercise is to draw these objects in an environment!  Horizon lines and vanishing points will be your friends here.

Here this will make it clear to you!

Construction

Construction is the ability to build new things with the simple shapes we saw earlier! You'll try to understand how objects would connect together. 

With this skill mastered, you will be able to draw ANYTHING! Because all things and objects can be broken down into simple shapes and volumes! 

Looking at references can be a good idea here! Look at a simple object and try to draw it with the volumes!

This is the way I practice construction

Gesture

I only have one thing to say here: GESTURE DRAWING! What is gesture drawing? Is an exercise! The goal of this exercise? To draw people with a time limit! You'll draw a pose in one to two minutes at first! Your goal is to get the GESTURE of the character in your drawing.

There are a few websites for doing gesture drawing! You just have to select the time and the type of images you want and draw! One of my favorite websites is Quickposes! But I'm sure you could find another one if you search a bit on the internet!

Now you know what to practice! Practice these fundamentals consistently and you'll see your drawing skills improving! 

Of course, you don't have to just draw spheres, cubes, and simple people you can draw things you want to draw! Just draw from good references!

Another thing that can help you with improving your art is…

Drawing challenges!

They're fun, put you out of your comfort zone, and make you draw things you would have never drawn otherwise! Isn't that amazing?

That's why it's such a good idea to participate in art challenges! Plus, having other people participating in the same challenge can help you boost your motivation!!

There is plenty of art challenges on the internet, but the one you should do to start drawing is certainly Marc Brunet's 30 days art challenge!  An art challenge that will help you start drawing in a month! You will practice the fundamentals and you'll see the improvement by the end of it! 

Maybe should I do this challenge? (Btw Marc Brunet's channel is an excellent place to learn from! Go look at some videos!)

In conclusion

You now have all you need to start drawing! You know that you'll need dedication and persistence, you know about the fundamentals you need to practice! You also have a perfect challenge to start drawing! Don't forget that drawing is an enjoyable journey! Don't overdo yourself, practice consistently, and be curious!

Feel free to ask questions or share some drawings so we can all track our progress!

One of the most essential pieces of advice I'll give you in this post is to find fun in the process :D

[imeverywoman420]

okkkkk so as a STEM girlie who's been a tutor on the side and TA I think/hope I can explain the issue with math. (this is @andsheoverthinks btw but that's my sideblog so i can't submit asks from there)

(1) math is one of those subjects where you have to understand everything along the way

(2) math requires more abstract thinking than every other subject. spatial intelligence is usually also important for stuff like trig and geometry and everything thereafter

i learned when i was tutoring second/third graders that getting people to think abstractly is difficult. if i asked kids to add say, 17+9 they would count on their fingers to get the answer. this would always yield the correct answer but it is inefficient for obvious reasons. i had to skip ahead to explain hundred's, ten's, and one's places to wean them off it.

(3) it is genuinely hard to help someone bad at math because of (1), you don't know how far back the confusion goes. it might be the first grade

(4) people will come up with an inefficient way of getting the answer, which is the Wrong (TM) way and it comes back to bite them in the ass with harder problems. a lot of times people develop weird/bad habits and refuse to change

i also tutored an eighth grader learning algebra. she was learning systems of equations. there are two ways to solve a system, geometric (which is just for illustration purposes and really shouldn't even be taught) or algebraic. this kid would always 'solve' systems the geometric way and always get the wrong answer because it's hard to draw lines straight. i tried to convince her to do it the algebraic way which is easier and doesn't hinge on drawing perfect lines freehand. it took a really long time because she would always go back to the geometric/drawing way even though it would always be wrong.

(5) it's genuinely frustrating to teach people bad at math because grade-school math is 'algorithmic' aka procedural. you just memorize how to do it and then do it.

for example you posted an example of SOH CAH TOA and i am genuinely confused why it's hard to understand (not trying to be a dick). if someone asked me to explain it i'd literally just read out what's on the picture because they're definitions. like. the sine of an angle is equal to the ratio between the length of the side opposite the angle and the length of the hypotenuse (side opposite the right angle). idk how else to explain it more clearly. it's not rocket science i promise.

Thank younforntjis responsee its really. Enlightening.

Ok my confusion with that last part would love tonhear back

what the hell is a sine of an angle? How can a sine of an angle be equal to the rationo whatever. What does that mean. Its just a triangle. Why would anyone need to know that.

like what is the purpose in a sine. What even is that.

And its just. So many letters and shit??? What do the colors mean. How can you understand this its so many colors and letters and things with no words its just hierogylpsh

like WHATT IS THISSSSS HUHHH. WHAT IS A SOH CA TOAH??? Like. Whatttt.

[kokorowoutsu]

📼+ Leon?

"Charmeleonnn!" He heard his trainer calling for him. His partner. His best friend. His boy... but the newly evolved Charizard couldn't bring himself to answer. The rain was thick and falling in sheets and he had personally gone as far as possible to escape his partner after... well, the attitude he had seen given to one of his teammates, Doublade. Leon had blamed Doublade and not himself for that mess up. Doublade had done his best.

Clenching his claws together, he heard Leon's calling drawing closer. "Charmele-- Oh." Seeing his partner was now a fully evolved Charizard, he could sense his trainer's excitement. "Awesome! You evolved! Now we ca--" His rage came full circle with a smack of his tail to Leon across the face, the young man going flying into the rain-soaked grass and tumbling a bit. Letting out a fierce roar at Leon, a anger-driven one too, the young man was taken aback.

It took Leon a bit to get up, but the look on his face was one of shock and uncertainty. "Char--" The fire-type snarled, bearing his fangs. Venting his frustrations with stomping and thumping of his tail as well as roaring in frustration, Leon could see it clearly. His pokemon was unhappy, dare he say verging on upset... but so was Leon. "Why the heck did you smack me?! I was worried ab--" Another hard smack with Charizard's tail. Leon was only human. He couldn't understand pokemon as well as some people, but as long as they had been partners...

"Char! Stop it--" Another smack. Putting his trainer through the ringer without killing him, a fight between pokemon and human began just as they often played when he was a small child and he was but a Charmander.

Hand meeting claw, the two finally met forehead to forehead with Leon headbutting Charizard and Charizard returning it. "You're so stubborn!" Headbutt. "Mudbray-headed!" Headbutt. "Idiotic!--" A headbutt finally send Leon falling back and Charizard snarling down at him. Staring up at him, Leon went to get up, but not before Charizard laid a foot on him, his fangs snarling and flames licking his lips. Fear crossed Leon's eyes for a split second, but Charizard didn't let up.

"You haven't figured out what he's trying to tell you?" A elderly but strict tone cut the air as Leon looked over quickly to see Mustard with his Urshifu behind him. "You really have lost touch with your pokemon, Leon. I'm disappointed." "What do you me--" A snarl from Charizard to silence him had Leon flinching. "Your partner who's been with you since the beginning is angry with you. He has you pinned, threatening you... why would he go so far as to do that?" Leon turned and looked at Charizard then, the fire-type's eyes narrowed. He could see hurt, but also that anger flowing there in bits of fire. His wings flexed and his tail swished.

"... I haven't been listening to them. I've only been thinking about winning." Leon concluded, calming and feeling exhaustion and sadness taking over. Sighing deeply, it takes Charizard a moment, but he pulls back finally, the fire-type's eyes sad that he had to get to that point to knock some sense into his partner, but quickly Leon gets up and moves to gently cup Charizard's snout. "... I'm sorry. I've been a right idiot, haven't I?" He asks with a loud sigh. "... Alright. I need to start right away and listen. Lay it on me. All of you." He knew his Doublade and Drakloak were near. Flying past Mustard, the three were reunited and the old man smiled.

"Very good. Very good indeed." With that, he leaves the young Champion with his pokemon and heads back to the Dojo with his Urshifu.

[katyspersonal]

warning for: "bad wording", "unasked opinion", "another coward hiding behind anon mask"

I think you should stop looking for an ideology/side to pick and consider trying to pick your own side, attempt learning to become your own person instead—give up on fitting into any cult anything? Honestly, why don't you try to build your own thing? You seem capable of building so much of theories, finding so much of little details not many could ever notice—why not use this skill to help yourself? I get it. Many humans do not like making efforts. I'm one of them. Sometimes becoming your own person = doing a lot of efforts, but it is not a hard work it is just making efforts, day by day, baby steps, it is possible, it is valid—even if right now it might seem as "not very likely" or "hopeless" or "meaningless" in your personal case. I do not judge you. I'm trying to tell you that creating your own identity, a personality is possible. Speaking from a lil anon experience, so far I haven't found any other solution except trying to learn how to rebuild yourself into yourself from a scratch and "broken remains". You can't get rid of every single shitty influence but you can take control of it, its traces and make something of your own. You can do anything, if you want...but you don't want it, do you? I do not know you (and you don't know me), all I got is an opinion to make out of your post, I bet it's mostly wrong, I should have stayed silent, heh. I think you'll be less miserable if you stop running away from yourself by seeking yourself in people, groups and fandoms. And I do not mean it in way like "quit social media they are evil they are brainwashing you into becoming something you are not", if anything I do not believe in "good" and "evil" nor in "black and white", because this life has much more of colors and hues in the store to offer. "Balancing it out" is what I was trying to tell. Please try to help yourself. I think you deserve to live and have good things in your life. My opinion matters very little because I'm just another coward, but I mean it.

Hey, this is actually a very good message. It took me some time to get to it because currently I genuinely am better off sinking in my special interest and drawing than tackle anything personal. But this is a good advice, especially for someone who had to judge my character off very limited information. (or maybe I am oversharing way more than I think I do...?)

The thing is... I DO have beliefs and ideals! It is aggressively affirming them where I fail at. Like you pointed out, I can see a lot of things no one else does and that's how I get into every character's head. But it is similar with people. Very often I will see where person is coming from, what events and information and trends made them come to this conclusion, what is their motivation, and like... You see, this is normally a deal-breaker for me. Just because I can understand why person thinks this way, see the logic and often even a valid fundament, this person passes for me - especially if I can not properly object them with logic and knowledge. I am not the type to have no logical counter-arguements and still pull the 'L + you are wrong + you are a bitch + bye' thing, because coming from emotions is not for me. For this same reason I often get trapped in abusive relationship - because when person is convincing and I have no counter-arguements for why I should not be treated this way besides crying and insulting... well, I can be convinced of deserving anything. Just ask my EX boyfriend hahaha (he healed and changed, don't worry).

This is the loop of autism. Not just any autism, but like, very pure form of it. The one that consistently pisses the allistics off enough to call us "robots" or "psychopaths". We do not 'just' understand things and not 'just' believe in things - we only do or think something if there is a reason. But at the same time, we won't "just know" a lot of things others do. There are only two things you can do - either 1) assume some unbreakable "rules" how society and people function and what is right and wrong end up being a rigid prick that judges everyone through the same lence and could never see things working unlike these "rules" or 2) say fuck it and use your own brain to navigate in the world, but you will constantly get lost. I think the latter is the lesser evil, because the former not only makes it more likely to get used as ideological soldier, but also will fuck over people that act and speak coming from different reasoning.

And you are right. I SHOULD make my own rules - not listen to some arrogant assholes claiming to be for peace and equality but We Know, and not listen to some conservatives who just can't accept that every generation will be different; but also not wander so aimlessly. I have a friend who is very similarly fucked up to me: hard autism, borderline personality disorder, burdening level of insightful, all that. And even he is self-sufficient enough to say 'Yes I see where you are coming from in your beliefs, but fuck you, that's a way of an idiot'. Another friend who has the exact same type of autist thinking as me ended up doing just what I mentioned - they set up the rules of what he believes in and refuses to budge on them no matter the stakes, even if they tend to hurt people because not even appealing to their compassion could make them budge. Like!!! you have to be literally dying for them to go easier, but even then they'll pick their principles back up and return to the discussion when you recovered.

Granted, recently I've been becoming more solid. Like recently I've blocked someone because they were using slurs in an arguement, and even before that I blocked someone I never even talked with because they were a tad too nationalist against Russians (all of them). It is just... not really like me? I tend to not mind free speech, but for some reason I've started to get more angry at such things? It is also the uh... Barb1e movie. Yeah don't laugh, trust me plenty of people ended up in existential crisis because of it. But it was something that followed when someone whose reasoning I was able to understand prior pulled the 'This movie hates men' when the movie gave men positive message that men should aspire to be self-sufficient and be themselves instead of stressing to fit into social expectations. This sort of (mis)interpretation just felt way too similar to """logic""" a certain asshole had calling me lesbophobic when I said to stop locking lesbians in stereotypes (I know you're lurking here, lil shit). It feels very obvious that anyone can be an idiot and it is not just privilege of the "woke SJWs" side but just a flaw of any human that makes their politics their personality, but sometimes it takes a certain event to make you truly SEE something, you know?

And in the end, by learning to assert my beliefs, by learning to be consistent and not just 'have' them, I will be playing this game too, no? ...somewhat. Currently I am more like Rom - I see everything but this is the reason I can't do shit. I want to be more like Djura, who knows what he thinks and will protect it, and you have to actually agree to his terms to not get shot by him! Both of these characters are 'open' and will work with people's autonomy: Rom by her barrier being penetrable if you have enough Insight, so you CAN learn horrors of the universe but only if you are looking for them so people that don't want that shit are spared, and Djura by not denying the hunt altogether but insisting that beasts that can't harm people are spared, as he tells us to go and be useful where we will be. But Djura has something Rom no longer does - personality! For me 'seeing where they come from' is a pass to forgive... literally everything? It can be a great power that will let me find what others can't and make friends no one else could, but it can also be a dangerous mindset that will trap me in abusive relationship or make me cause damage. The one thing Rom is not showing even to 99 Insight people is how there is a madman slowly destroying humanity with his ritual, isn't it so? Haha, yeah, you pointed out that I am very well-versed in analyzing fiction, but this shit legit helps me to navigate. I've been solving many conflicts and questions via "omg they're just like those characters for real". Autists interact with the world vicariously through fiction! My close friends also developed a habit of helping me by comparing the situation with something that happened in our Bloodb0rne headcanons. I am dead serious. x)

In the end, I am incapable of being ideological soldier, nor I can obey the rules based on "I am [demographic] and you are not so do what I say or you are a danger for our whole kind" (left) or "I am older/more educated and you don't know shit in life and if you don't agree with me you are just another woke zombie" (right). Of course I can't have a 'covenant' - I am an individualist! An individualist that can't assert their individuality, apparently. But there is a difference between wandering aimlessly or walking your own way..

______________________

Again, thank you for this ask.. You really should not be so hard on yourself - anons are only bad and cowardly if it is a prick being mean. Otherwise they're fine! And it was important for me to think about, too... I was not even really THINKING about how I have friends with similar thinking as me but they adapted and can be consistent and assertive. They can disagree very harshly, to the point of creating awkwardness between us until I either change my mind or admit that I have nothing to argue, and that's not emotional manipulation, but standing up.

[kafkaoftherubble]

一直都像是在演戏，只是有时演得足够入戏宛如自我催眠，有时却太清醒而严重自我怀疑。

俺到底是在做什么的？

It's starting to become actually painful. Can't even be sure if this is jealousy or disappointment directed at this whole... unimpressive aggregate we called Lyn.

There is almost a hint of resentment. If you're good at everything, what do you need me for? Am I like putty filler for walls? Kinda just there to fill up the cracks, but was never really good enough to be actual cement or concrete?

Not, well, like you?

Anything I can do, you can too. I can even teach you the things I ca do, because none of it was a natural talent—it was all just slow, painstaking, hard work over a long stretch of time; there are just techniques and facts. Meanwhile, there are so many things you can do that I can't. Even if I want to learn, I'm so slow that by the time I'm done, no one needs me to do it anymore. They could just ask you.

They could just rely on you anyway.

I really wanna feel like I'm useful. Or doing my job well, but I keep being reminded that there's someone way more capable and competent and suitable for this. I keep thinking that everyone notices it too. Everyone knows this.

Then despite this painful feeling of inferiority, I'll somehow recover and keep on doing whatever the hell I can pretend to do well, willfully ignorant of this "better candidate," pretending that I can be as good. "Oh, I'm sure we just need time. And maybe we can create some methods to be as good as you would have been if you were in my position. Or maybe we'll do something differently from you and it could work too. Maybe the result will somehow be even more spectacular and almost unique, as though it was something you could have never done. Maybe. Oh, there are some pragmatic things I need to do regardless of my actual level of confidence and self-assurance..."

But what we choose to ignore doesn't disappear. Someone will remind us. They will. And I have nothing to counter Their accusations and observations.

Do I want to continue? Yes. Because all versions of Lyn are committed to doing a good job despite these annoying ass feelings. The first Me didn't want this, but upon accepting it, it no longer becomes a matter of what we want, but what more we can do to see through it and perform well enough. So I don't want to give up. I don't want to really cement the fact that I'm just no good. I don't want to quit.

But this means constantly bracing through mounting evidence that makes what They say seemingly more and more factual. It's like a mediocre street artist doing their best to draw despite the crowd's murmurs about their lackings ebbing and flowing. Keep gritting your teeth. Keep pretending not to understand them when you actually do. Keep saying you're just gonna find new ways to bring out your best, and then when your best amounts to nothing, pretend not to hear the crowd mocking it and say, wistfully, "My next set of efforts will surely bring out my best. It will be so great, we'll all agree I deserve to be here when that happens—I just need concrete evidence to prove this. My next set of efforts will surely be the evidence. My next efforts will surely—"

Is there anything you don't know how to do? Is there anything you have to struggle with? What do you need me for? Please don't tell me it's for emotional support or morale. It's sweet and all, but it isn't the sort of pragmatic utility I can be proud of, you know?

You know why it's important to be pragmatically useful to me. We've confided in you so much.

But maybe the truth is none of us can tell what I'm good at. Not even you, I guess? Maybe this is where you and I are finally equal—when we struggle to find something objectively true about my worthiness in this position.

What can you do to allay these feelings of uselessness and inferiority? I don't really know. I mean, what can I do? I asked the Tall One; she said it's 無理。Nothing here is truly your forte. And anything you can do competently enough, they can do better. Tell me, how do you even allay these feelings pragmatically?

You're trying soooo hard to change your mindset and comportment. You're working so hard to think differently, but you're so. Slow. Your wobbly speed of learning to be equanimous can't catch up with your reality. And so you're just gonna keep dipping in and out of this little angst of yours. You're gonna keep being reminded, over and over and over and over and over, of your mediocrity and inferiority. Until something expires. Will that something be you? Or do you hope it'd be the people who remind you of your lackings? Or do you hope it will be your egocentric worldview, finally terminated via your effort? Not that I believe you can even do the last one.

"What are you even confident at? What are you good at?"

How is it that no Lyn, not in the past and not even the one right now—me—could ever answer this after 28 years of being on Earth?

If there is nothing I'm good at, Fionn, then what can I even draw strength from when I feel like there is no point in being there?

[roycefoxarts]

COMMISSION BATCH 5 IS OPEN!!

The previous batch is done, but money is still tight, and I need to keep the funds coming. I will take a short break after the opening of the coms, but I will be accepting commissions orders during the break. I just wanna take care of some personal art. I enjoy drawing for you guys and being both generous and experimental, but rent fund is important, and I can only offer so much at a time. I am still close to landing full scale employment, but I am not there yet.

I know I added greyscale to the line art, and I love doing that. In my regret, made the choice to make greyscale a seperate item rather than something I randomly add to the lineart tier. I am sorry, but rent money is important. Living in CA isn't cheap.

I appreciate your understanding and I am sorry for the inconvenience. I love you guys and I love drawing for you all. And if I could, I would draw for free, simply because I see art as a hobby rather than a profession.

Though I will still offer a 15% discount for anything sumo related, since that happens to be my selling point (i tried fighting it, but there is no escaping where I started).

Even if you cannot afford, You can always help by spreading the word and reaching a larger audience.

I thank you all for your support, It means a lot to me.

Now for the rules

Before I can begin, Let me lay down what I prefer to draw.

-Slim -fat fur -tasteful nsfw -vore (with heavy restrictions) -certian action scenes -modern or fantasy

and what I WILL NOT DRAW for a commission:

-overcomplex drawings (they take significantly longer than they should and I prefer to risk drawing complex stuff on my own time) -Gore (Which leaves hard vore out of the question) -Abuse and cruelty art (Things like rape, abuse, or degradation.) -Slob or uber immobile fat. -Capepunk (Modern "realistic" Superhero genre. I just don't like the current modern superhero genre and its oversaturation.) -Certain Copyrighted characters and IPs (There can be some exceptions) -Other people's OCs without their permissions (There is drama around it. Dont drag me into any more drama.) -Characters that are or look underaged (I have the FBI on speed dial) -Diapers fetish (just...just no) -Political art (Should I even need to explain why?). -politically incorrect shit (You are more mature than this.)

To order to order a commission from me, You need something of a social media presence. at least a DA, Twitter, or most importiantly FA, that you had for some time at the time of ordering a com. This allows me to screen for security purposes.

I will not be accepting commissions from:

-Newly created FA or social media pages, be it burner accounts or whatever. -social media individuals that have a significant degree of controversy within the last year or so. I want to avoid controversy. -individuals under the age of 18. -Individuals that have a habit of hiding their behaviors behind "muh free speech." I would rather be with mature people thank you very much. -MAPS (should I even explain?) -People who make their political views their own personality (I dont want you as my customer base anyways)

The second thing to fill out a google form, this has everything you need to make an order from teir to whether you want the com to be nsfw or not.

Major thing to note: Do remember that I reserve the right to refuse service to anyone for any reason. So my apologies in advance.

Lastly, If I approve, I will send you the invoice. I am a Pay-upfront person, so that means if you want your slot in the queue, you need to pay upfront and that is strictly invoice only.

When you Order from me, you agree to the written agreements stated above and any violation would bar you from any future coms. Standards come first over money.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas! i love your blog sm, not only your blog but you as a person so much.

i hope i am not bothering you by asking this but i seriously don't know who else to ask.

so there's this girl at my school, my classmate. like we are not besties to say but she is a really good friend, sometimes when my bestfriend and her bestfriend don't show up to class we sit together and sometimes all four of us sit together. we have short convos like talking about our interests, animes, her drawing passion and all. so to say we are might not be super close but we are good friends.

today she told me that she likes me and came out to me - i am really happy for her mustering the courage to let it out, she told me how no one other than her older sister knows, not even her best friend.

on the instant she told me this, she panicked, to say. she was like "i am so sorry if it spooked you" "i just had to say it" "you can defo reject me..i didn't want to burden you" "my god why am i saying this...pls i hope our friendship doesn't change" she didn't let me say a word, she was getting so anxious. and without listening to me she left.

and now i don't know what to do, i feel really horrible ik how hard it must have been for her in first place, to come out to me, the only other person. she let her be vulnerable and confided in me.

but i am straight. no no i am not homophobic at all (i am literally in this fandom, forget about fandom i am proudly a lgbt)

but i never felt any attraction to females.

uh..man i don't want to make her sad. i can't and i don't want this to be complicated bw us. i don't want her to be heartbroken. i don't want her to regret coming out to me.

what should i do?

should i date her? (i have never been grossed out with w/w relationship but before this i never saw myself in one) i don't want her to be heartbroken..how can i ever tell her i'm straight.

i don't know... can a straight person like me date her? i really want a advice. if you say i should, i promise i won't be breaking her heart..i have always for me seen me in a single relation with someone and giving them all the love but i never saw a fem as my s/o cause im staright.

will i catch feelings overtime? will i be able to love her?

pls..guide me what should i do.

[ i hope what i meant to say was understandable. english isn't my first lang so forgive me for any mistakes ]

Hi love! <3

So it seems like you're pretty adamant that you're not attracted to girls. If you're sure about that, then:

Please, please, do not date this girl if you don't like her. That's not fair to her OR you! You can't just....find feelings that don't exist. And it's not fair to bring her hopes up.

(Now, that isn't to say that maybe you never considered dating women, and not you're considering it, and it sounds cool. But if it does NOT sound cool. If you are straight? Don't do it.)

You need to be honest with her. Sit her down and give her the respect she deserves. Tell her, "I really value our friendship, and I am so honored that you trusted me enough to come out to me. I want you to know that I don't just you at ALL for being LGBTQIA+. But I'm not, and I don't want to pretend to be, because it would just be hurtful, in the end. I think you're really cool, but I'm just not attracted to girls."

Trust me, being truthful will be much better in the long run. Sure, she'll be disappointed. But your sexuality isn't personal, and if you are kind and honest and accepting with her? That's still a much better coming-out story than a lot of people. Trust me.

And after? Try not to make it awkward. Don't treat her differently. But don't force something that isn't there. It'll just end up in someone getting hurt.

Hope that helps!

<3

[tannertbosas]

( Here for those who answered yes )

MAIN PLOT / MAY CONTAIN TEEN WOLF S1 RELATED SPOILERS

Treech, (the equivalent of Scott in that AU), is your average high-schooler in the town of Beacon Hills (CA), living with his mom and two siblings, and hangs out with his best friend Jessup (equivalent of Stiles in the AU), both in the lacrosse team of the school. Jessup’s father is a sherif, and one night, he hears about how they found half of a woman’s body, and they (Treech & Jessup) both decide to go look for it. They go in the forest at night, but they lose track of eachother, and Treech is asthmatic, and loses his inhaler. But, in the dark, somethings attacks him, which he believes is an animal, and manages to escape, but then as he runs, he stumbles across what would be the other part of the body. (Brandy) He leaves, terrified, and finds Jessup again, explaining what happened. They both are still in shock, and wonder if it’d be better to go see a doctor.

In the morning however, Treech finds the bite healed, disturbing him, and he goes to school, telling Jessup about it. He does feel relieved that it passed, but still troubled about the whole situation. However, he soon realises that he can hear from afar, and catches the conversation of two people, (here Lamina & Marcus), realising that Lamina (equivalent of Allison in this AU) is the new girl. Its love at first sight, but he also feels confused by this new ability. He goes on with his day, and quickly realises in his lacrosse training in the afternoon that his strength had also increased, which gets noticed by the team captain, Reaper (equivalent of Jackson in this AU), and that upsets him, but also makes him curious. Jessup also witnesses all of it, Treech explains to him, and they both agree that they should research on it. But also, Treech notices that the whole day, he had been getting weird stares from two students at school that he’s never spoken to before. Coral & Tanner, the “school’s freaks”. Tanner was also in the lacrosse team, and didn’t stop staring at Treech for even a second.

From her side, Lamina is quickly welcomed as a new student by Lucy Gray (equivalent of Lydia in this AU), and they then become friends, Lucy Gray helping Lamina with her shyness. She also has classes with Treech, and it is also love at first sight for her, as he notices how nervous he seems to be around her. Little do they know…

The first transformation eventually happens. Treech runs out of his house, turning into a werewolf and finding himself in the woods, unable to control himself, but is caught by 3 other ones. Coral, Tanner, and Mizzen, all 3 of them forming “the pack”. Treech is freaking out, but Coral tries to explain the situation to him. He has a hard time taking it seriously, but is faced with the reality of what’s happening. However, Coral tells him that he has a choice to make, and now that he’s a werewolf, he can’t hang out with humans. Treech refuses, as he still has his best friend Jessup, and now, maybe a chance with Lamina. That upsets Tanner, not understanding why he won’t just join them. Coral however sees an opportunity to test him, and make him realise what’s more important now. She tells him to go ahead and keep going onto his normal life but he will soon face the consequences.

— So here’s the MAIN ideas, I’ve written more about it in details but I’m not an actual writer, so it’s still in the works. If you’re more curious about it, I plan to make more drawings and eventually write a short story about it. Thank you for reading and supporting me!

Would anyone care about my Teen Wolf TBOSAS tributes AU