#why is cas so hard to draw i do not understand

[wendichester]

⋆.˚ ★ the pizza man conundrum,

summary. castiel is confused about dean's most recent attempt to humanize the angel. you're the target of his questions.

pairing. castiel x reader genre. complete crack

wordcount. 489

notes / warnings. this is gonna leave you feeling a little bit confused. or amused. pick one.

Dean is dead to the world.

Sprawled out on the motel bed, one arm flung over his face, boots half-on, snoring like an idling truck. You may have accidentally worn him out after convincing him to do literally anything other than sit at a bar all night. A bet, a few rounds of pool, and one very competitive foot race later (he swears you cheated), and now he’s out.

You’re enjoying the rare moment of peace when—

“I need your assistance.”

You jump about a foot in the air. “Jesus, Cas! A little warning next time?”

Castiel stares at you, head slightly tilted, blue eyes full of celestial intensity. “I do not require a warning.”

You sigh, rubbing your temples. “Okay, what do you need?”

“I have questions.”

Of course he does.

You pat the empty motel bed beside you, and Castiel takes it as an invitation to sit—though he does so like a man who has never properly understood chairs, his posture stiff and uncomfortably formal.

He turns to you, face unreadable. “Dean has… introduced me to something.”

You blink. “Should I be concerned?”

“I do not know,” he says seriously. “But I seek clarification.”

There’s a long pause. Then, in a tone way too solemn for the words about to leave his mouth, he asks—

“…Who is the pizza man?”

You stare at him. Hard.

He stares back.

It’s too much. You break. A snort escapes before you can stop it, and suddenly, you’re wheezing, barely able to breathe through your laughter.

Cas just waits, looking more confused by the second.

When you finally regain some control, wiping at your eyes, you manage, “Cas… why do you want to know about the pizza man?”

He frowns. “Because I do not understand his significance.”

You take a deep breath, shaking your head. “Okay, start from the beginning.”

Castiel nods, thoughtful. “Dean was watching something on his laptop.”

Your stomach drops. “Oh God.”

“I saw two humans engaging in a ritual of physical intimacy,” Cas continues, completely unfazed. “The woman seemed very eager for the pizza man’s presence. I am unsure why he was necessary for the proceedings.”

You’re biting your lip so hard you might draw blood. “Cas…”

“I attempted to ask Dean about it, but he only laughed,” Castiel says, looking genuinely offended. “And then he fell asleep.” He gestures vaguely at the still-passed-out Dean. “So I have come to you.”

You could explain it. But where’s the fun in that?

“Cas,” you say, leaning in conspiratorially. “It’s a sacred human tradition. The pizza man is a… symbol. A bringer of joy, nourishment, and—uh—other things.”

Cas nods, very serious. “I see. Like an angel, but with food.”

Your lips twitch. “Exactly.”

There’s a long pause before Cas looks at Dean, then back at you.

“Would you like me to order a pizza?”

That’s it. You’re done. You collapse onto the bed, laughing so hard you can’t breathe.

ꔛ. navigation 𓂃˖ ࣪ all drabbles ; compatibility readings ; support my work .ᐟ

[bangchansgirlsblog]

Keeping up with the Bhangs

This is a one shot from the little series. Read it if you would like it’s on my master list :))

Warning: Angst

Pairing: Bangchan x reader

Summary: Being a mum is hard when you have to constantly play good cop, bad cop.

**

"Chan?" She called for her husband. "Chan come look at what your daughter did!" Y/n called again. The sight infront of her was painful. Her little girl was stood in the middle of the room looking so innocent but she had created a huge train wreck around her. She couldn’t believe it.

She tried to keep her cool, she really did but she couldn’t. She heard the quiet footsteps making their way up towards their daughters room. Her anger was being tested and she felt like she was about to blow.

"What is it Y/n? I have a really important-" he paused when he looked up from his phone as he stared at the sight in front of him. "What the hell?" He let out a gasp.

The room was a mess. There was paint everywhere and crayons all over the wall. The collections of toys chan had gotten Soo-min where spread all over the place and her clothers (Soo-min) was covered in dirt, paint and crayons as she stood there looking innocent with the crayon in her hand. 

"Chan look what your daughter did!" Y/n raised her voice a little causing Soo-min to jump. She took little steps quickly to hide behind her father who was now standing fully in the room. It had been obvious she was scolded before this because her little hands were shaking and her lips were quivering.

Chans eyes soften as he loosened the tie that wrapped around his neck and unbuttoned his shirt. He was determined to keep his wife calm and fix whatever was going on. If he had time of course.

"Hey, Y/n calm down. Don’t stress out baby. Its okay," He picked up his little girl with one hand trying to remove the paint of her face. Her eyes on the verge of tears as she pouted. "We can just get the cleaners to clean it-"

Chan being calm about the whole situation pissed of Y/n to the fullest because why was he so put together? Why was he such a good calm dad.

"Chan! you dont get it! this is not okay, she constantly disobeys, this is a huge mess! i left her for only a few minutes!" Y/n groaned frustrated as she threw the cups she had collected from the ground into a basket. 

"Y/n, its fine. She's a baby-" the glare Y/n gave him instantly made him shut up and look at his little girl that was basically holding onto his shirt for dear life. 

"M' sorry," Soo-min chocked on her sobs as tears started to spill and she Sniffed. She didn’t understand why her mum was being so scary. She only wanted to draw to make her happy cause she knew how sad she had been.

Chans heart melted at her little pout.

"Its okay mama, no need to cry. Daddy's got you," Chan wiped the tears from her cheeks and grabbed the crayon and paint brush from her tiny little hands. "Y/n look what you've done, now she's crying."

"Chan you cant honestly think this is okay-" Y/n was buffled. Chan didn't think this was okay, did he?

"she's a kid! kids make mistakes, she's still learning. You don't scold her, you teach her," His voice was now loud aswell. He was getting frustrated. He didnt want his children growing up in a toxic enviroment where they get yelled at or abused. That was his worst nightmare. 

“Then fine! You raise them if ur such a good teacher,”

“I don’t have time for this Y/n I have a big meeting coming-“

“Of course you fucking do, why don’t you just move into your office and abandon your kids and pregnant wife!”

Her blood was boiling. It was like she was getting everything off her chest and she needed it.

“Y/n that’s enough. Your acting like a child in front of her!” Chan growled. “You can’t even control this situation without calling and crying for me,” his chest was moving up and down as he was huffing. Trying so hard to control himself but he was stressed and tired and it was like she wanted to pick a fight every chance she got.

"Chan! why do you always have to be good cop. Why cant you see this is wrong? Stop being a bad parent and-'

"Bad parent?" He scoffs and looked up at her buffled, "I'm the bad parent? just cause you were abused when you were younger doesn't mean you have to put your trauma on my children..." His eyes go wide. He didn't mean it. He was just angry. He didn't mean any of it. 

The tension in the air wise thick. The shocked gasp that left her mouth was painful. Her head started to spin. Her eyes turning red as her body started to overheat. The emotions she felt were overwhelming. A panic attack was coming on. Her eyes landed on her daughter, the little girl was covering her ears trying to cover her face in her fathers chest. Was she a monster?

"Papa? no fighting," The little girl squealed as she still continued to cover her ears. This made Y/n's heart break. was it true? was she becoming her toxic mother. 

 "It's okay mama," He comforted her shivering body, "I-Im going to get her changed so i can go back to my meeting. I'll tell the maids to come clean up," he so badly wanted to hold his wife and apologize but with the way she stood in one place he knew he couldn't have the conversation, well not right now. 

The door closed behind him as her little girls sniffles slowly faded in the distance. Y/n was in shock. Her brain was taking long to react. Her hands were cold and all of a sudden she couldnt hear anything around her.

Was she the problem? Was she being hard on the kids? she never yelled at any of them unless they did something horrible, she never intended for the father of her kids to call her toxic. To embarrass her like that.

It was too much, she was done playing tough guy. she was tired of the constant fight of depression. She was tired of her husband degrading her as she stayed home while he was out all night partying doing God knows what. 

She wanted her life back. she wanted to be fun again. She didnt want to be tired all the time. She was tired of being pregnant.

Her face felt wet. Her hands automatically covering her eyes. Heart wrenching sobs leaving her body as she placed a hand on her belly. The doubt of being a mother was creeping back up. The sudden urge to run away and dissapear haunted her conscious. Truth is she was tired of the fake smiles and the big parties and important business people.

Yes, she loved the big house her husband built for them, she loved the grand cars and the golden credit cards but she wanted to feel again. She wanted to be loved again. By her husband. She wanted to be a teenager again, falling in love and being young and free.

She laid on the called floor. Her arms supporting the heavy bump she was carrying. The tiled sending shivers down her spine. The tears still spilling from her eyes until eventually she grew tired and fell asleep.

[study-diaries]

how to cram study for AP exams? 🥲

Hey dear Anon!

Thanks for the ask :)

How To Cram For Exams

Sleep. Hydration. Meals = Must

Snacking and hydration are a must. I recommend light snacking like nuts or fruits or some chocolates. I wouldn't go for heavy meals because they always make me feel sleepy.

Sleep is a must. Don't sacrifice your sleep for studying. During exams, 7–8 hours of sleep is a must. Don't stay awake after 12, you'll regret it. And sleep is different from breaks. You should not consider them the same.

Division Of Subjects

Every subject is learnt and graded differently. You can’t use the same study techniques for every subject you have. You have mostly 3 types of subjects:

Memorization based

Practical/Question based

Theory/Essay based

You use different study techniques for different subjects. Memorization based subjects require more revision. Practical/Question based subjects require more practice. Theory based subjects require you to learn how to format your information.

Read up more: Division Of Subjects

Note Skimming

First, take a topic. Try to remember 5 points, if you can't then just glance through it once. And then keep repeating the process until you know everything relevant for it. It works really well if you haven't picked up your textbooks in a while.

Practice Papers + Improvement Sheets

Create a fake exam environment. Sit on your desk with a timer, take a question paper and act as if you're actually writing the exam. Do this at least once and note everything. How much time you take to answer each question. What are your mistakes. Which section is your weakest. Note them down and most importantly, your overall improvements you should make.

For me, I did this for accounts, and it gave me so much clarity, especially the improvements. I used to go through this improvement sheet before my actual exam and I did not repeat even a single mistake again. The trick is to keep updating the sheet by adding improvements from your actual exams too.

Question Method

No matter how well you know your content, if you can't put it in words appropriately, then you won't get your grades.

Now, it's hard to remember every single thing, so here's a technique...

What? When? Who? Why? How? What's the use?

The basic information for any topic would be the answer to these questions. If you remember this and ca answer to it then you've prepared well enough.

If you want to read up more about it, check out: Question Method

Break It Down

Not your chapter. I mean the topic itself. Line by line if you have to. I did this exact thing for accounts whenever i had to do ratios. It was a pain. An unwanted pain. I couldn't understand anything. But i sat down one day and read every single line of the textbook for that topic. I made what i call "Line Visuals". This is simple.

You read a paragraph => You don't understand anything.

Read every line => Draw it

Understand the key terms used there

And then draw a single visual representation for that entire topic.

I'll guarantee you, you will understand it. Review it once a day for a week and then once a week.

Mnemonics + Story Method

Learn with these. It helps you to remember easily. Make catchy phrases and stories to remember points/facts. These are like the building blocks of studying anything. Stick small notes to your books writing the phrases beside the topic so the next time you want to revise it, it's easy.

If you want to read more about it, check out: How To Study Using The "Story Method"

Teach What You Learn

You learn the most when you teach. I had taken my friends for this. Study and teach it to them. This helps because you have to have a clear understanding of the material first rather to teach them and you may end up with some important feedback. Your friends might ask a specific question you didn't know the answer to and now all of you are trying to perfect yourself with the material.

Random Testing + Book Testing

Random testing is what you do as the final blow. You randomly answer questions that you're thinking about the topic. Book testing is basically when you open any page of the textbook, see the topic and literally say everything relevant to it. You can even write it down.

__________________

Hope This Helps :)

[imagineanime2022]

A New Trust

Caspian Keyes X Reader

Word Count: 1377

Requested: Anon @wilddheartt

Request: HELLO AS SOMEONE WHO JUST BINGED THE ENTIRE SEASON ONE OF PANTHEON (they don’t have season two in my country 😭😭) I NEED MORE PLSSSS I BEG OF YOU AND Can you do a Caspian Keyes Imagine/possibly smut if u do that type of thing…. maybe you find each other when cas is on the run, and the reader is also on the run from something but not logarithms and they just understand each other and have a moment of deep connection that could also make someone cry…??? (and perhaps of u write smut it could devolve into that)

Warning: Bad parents, dead parents, homelessness, aggressive strangers, fighting, season one spoliers

Caspian had left Maddie’s and was on his own yet again. Back to no one to trust and nowhere to go. Now being on a train alone he realised just how lonely it could be for the rest of his life. His eyes cast around the train carriage, there was a group in front of him but what caught his eyes was the figure at the back of the carriage keeping to themselves.

You could feel someone looking at you. You never usually acknowledge anyone who stares at you but, your eyes moved to the boy sitting on his own off the side and your eyes caught. He looked away almost immediately. Your eyes moved to the front of the carriage where the group seemed to be sitting with a dog. “You got a problem with the dog?” One of them asked, your eyes moved to the male and rolled your eyes. “Did I say I had a problem?” You asked. “Why you starin’ at ‘im.” He asked. “I wasn’t staring, not that it’s any of your business.” You looked away from them, hoping that would be the end of the conversation, you were in no mood to deal with people who recognised you. The guy made some kind of noise that you didn’t care to decipher for yourself as you leant your head back, your eyes shifted to the quiet boy in the corner one last time for closing.

You bumped into the quiet kid again after getting off the train. You had been walking through the streets keeping your head low and looking for somewhere to stay. He’d been cornered, seemed like the two surrounding him, you waited a moment to see what would happen but when they started getting physical you gave a sharp whistle drawing their attention to you. “Now you seem like a lot more fun than he does.” One of them teased as they looked at you. “Yeah you think?” You asked as you moved further into the alley and out of view. “Why don’t you find out?” One of them walked towards you reaching out to touch you, when his hand was inches you grabbed his wrist, pulling him forward, he stumbled forward and you kneed him in the stomach. “Are you going to help your friend up or..?” “What the hell!?” He asked, turning on you, you shrugged, stuffing your hands in your pockets. “People like you are the worst, you look strong and you only pick on people you can win against to convince yourself that you are stronger. Why don’t you show me how strong you are?” You gestured for him to come at you but he didn’t move. “No?” “W-who the hell are you?” He finally asked. “Don’t worry about that, just make sure that we never cross paths again.” You jutted your head to the side indicating that he could go “and take the trash with you.” Once they were gone you turned to leave “be careful around here.”

The next time that you saw him was at the commune, you had been there a couple of days longer than he had, Kyle had told you that you were welcome no matter your background and with no need to disclose it you were happy that there was somewhere to stay. You worked hard and kept to yourself. “I’m starting to think that you are following me.” The boy said as he sat at the table you occupied. “Following you? Paranoid much. For your information I was here before you were, would have noticed if you looked around.” You said continuing to eat. “So you're running from something?” “What?” He asked. “People make that comment for two reasons, and you aren’t flirting with me so you're suspicious.” You said as you finally looked at him. “So what if I am?” He asked. “Very defensive.” You looked out towards the street as you watched a few people walk past but none of them looked in. “You're the same.” His eyes widened. “The same?” You asked, attention drawn back to him as you finished eating your food. “On the run.” He answered. “So what if I am?” You gave a small smile as you stood from where you were sitting. “My name’s Caspian.” You could tell by the look on his face that he didn’t know why he had told you that. “(Y/N).” You introduced yourself before putting away your plate before disappearing back into the commune.

You were both paired in the kitchen, you had both been getting on a lot better then when you had started, some might have even said friends. “I guess you didn’t have to cook a lot at home?” You asked, watching his careful, slow movements. “I only started after my dad broke my mum’s arm.” He answered. “Your- What?” You asked. “Don’t worry my mum shot him after that.” Caspian shrugged as you stared at him in shock, you shook your head and walked over to him. “How about you just mix that and I’ll cut all of this?” You suggested and he nodded as you swapped sides. “Did you cook a lot at home?” He asked. “I cooked when there was food in the house.” You nodded. “My parents weren’t volatile like yours, it might have helped if they were.” “What do you mean?” Caspian asked. “My dad loved my mum so much, when she died he turned into someone else, got involved with the wrong people, eventually so deep in it that there was nothing that we could do about it, they showed up one night and he didn’t have the money that they wanted so they killed him and said that I would have to pay back the bill.” You explained. “But you still help people, even if it could get back to them, lead them to you?” Caspian asked. “While my dad was making a mess, I learned how to fight, how to hide and how to run. I knew his problems would become mine.” You explained “but seeing what they had done to my dad, how they prayed on my father while he was weak, I promised to never let anyone else get into that situation, even if they hated me afterwards.” Caspian gently wiped the tear that slipped down your cheek and you jumped lifting your sleeves to wipe your face. “Sorry.” “Why are you apologising?” Caspian asked. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

After finishing in the kitchen you both headed back to your room where you talked for ages with Caspian even telling you the truth about himself, of course it took some convincing. You guys talked for so long that you both ended up falling asleep in your room. Caspian was woken up by your stuttered breaths and jerky movements, he frowned as he sat up, your lamp was still on and he could see that you were still sleeping, he assumed having a bad dream. “S-stop.” Your plea seemed to jumpstart him, he moved forward gently shaking you but you didn’t seem to respond instead you seemed to be getting more agitated. “Hey (Y/N) you have to wake up.” He said a little more urgently and shook you a little more forcefully, your eyes shooting up as you looked around. “It’s okay you're not there.” “I woke you up.” You said softly. “Don’t worry.” He said softly as he gently curled around your body, hoping that it made you feel safer “you don’t have to talk about it, just concentrate on your breathing.” “Mm.” You hummed. “I don’t understand why he never just picked me.” “People are stupid and selfish.” Caspian mumbled “how about I make a promise that I won’t leave you, that I choose you, wherever we go, we go together.” He promised “For what?” You asked. “It’s a promise, not a deal but if you need something then all I want is a smile on your face.” Caspian answered. “I’m going to think of something better.” You mumbled. “We don’t need anything better, get some sleep alright.” He ordered as you laced your fingers together and fell asleep again, neither of you aware that your little world would change with a visit from someone new.

Request Here!!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey Cas! I hope you're doing well :)

I just have a question I'm not sure about.

I was playing a game(a video game) with my dad and my 9yr old sister where you had to draw a few images in a limited time and then make up a few random slogans and they get randomly mixed up and every one has to pair up a slogan and a design and then every one votes on them.

For one of my slogans I wrote 'spiderman is bisexual' the unsaid ending 'change my mind' like those memes because it's just a personal headcannon of mine. I didn't even think it'd end up in the game bc there were so many other slogans.

It ended up that my sister (who can barely read) had picked it for a design and my dad said my name like I was in trouble. I asked him why and he basically said I shouldn't say stuff like that around my sister, which I don't understand. To me he sounded like those trump supporters who say kids shouldn't hear about lgbtq+ when they're kids.

It just made me really uncomfortable and he's said some stuff before kinda bordering on homophobic so idk if I'm in the wrong for saying it or not.

I've also been questioning my sexuality recently and him being borderline homophobic hasn't helped. I know he's definitely not trying to be homophobic I think he just doesn't understand it.

It just made me wonder if I said the wrong thing or him.

Please help me, I need to know if I did something wrong

Hi <3

I think it's hard because a lot of older people think sexuality is sexual when it's not. Like if you had mentioned Spiderman kissing whatshername...Mary Jane?....would your dad have gotten upset? I don't know, but I'm guessing it's less likely. Because people see queerness as sexual and inappropriate. So your dad was like 'OMG how dare you talk about such sexual and inappropriate things in front of a child' but like....you weren't talking about anything inherently sexual. So yeah, it's homophobic but he probably won't admit or realize it's homophobic.

I don't think you did anything inappropriate. Queerness isn't bad or wrong. But also I don't think you'll be able to convince him of that anytime soon, so you might want to pick a different thing to draw next time, sadly, unless another adult in the house will back you up.

[zybynarx]

Although Cas had seen Dean looking hurt in every possible way over the years, his expression would have broken his heart if it wasn’t already in pieces. “Cas, I don’t understand,” he said. “I know you don’t,” Castiel answered. “That is the main problem, isn’t it?”

This is only a small snippet of the beautiful story that @sitruunavohveli created for this year's @dcbtv event! Do yourself a favor and go check out the beautifully heart-wrenching (but with a happy ending) story HERE!

If you happened to click the "keep reading" link, welcome to the artist comments section!

Man... I feel a little bad for Cas because I decided to draw the scene where he's driven away but had to pull over to start crying. There are so many beautiful scenes in this story, yet for some reason this was the scene that jumped out to me the most! I told Tossukka about it, and this is what she had to say about it:

" I tried to capture in my opinion one of the most tragic things about their whole friendship/relationship which is Dean having fear of rejection, and wanting Cas to stay without him having to ask it, and Cas feeling he is not important to anyone unless he's useful so he always leaves, either to do something useful or sacrificing himself to protect others. The crying in the car is because I think Cas hates leaving just as much as Dean hates being left behind. 🥺 "

My heart got sucker punched in the feels after reading this response and I was HELLA determined to do my best to reflect that response as well as the hurt in the song with my drawing!

For the banner... I think some people may be a little confused by it so let me explain! As I was reading the story, the thought occurred to me of how lonely Cas was feeling throughout. And so my brain, being the angst monster it likes to be at times, thought, "Cas is lonely within their home just like he would have been lonely in the Empty." So that's why it looks like the empty is coming for him! It's not really... it's just symbolic. XD

I want to give my author a super huge shout-out and lots of kudos! She did such a fantastic job with this story with how she wrote the characters and how she takes you on this emotional roller coaster with these two! My heart ached and soared at so many different points while reading and I can't stop recommend it enough!

I'd also like to give a big thanks to the mods who run the DeanCas Bang (Taylor's Version) every year! This is one of the bangs I always look forward to participating in! Thanks for all of your hard work, and thank you especially for the small check-in extension when shiz hit the fan IRL for me.

Thanks for reading this far if you have!

[demigoddessqueens]

(1/2) Can I request a male match up for Critical Role Campaign 1 Vox Machina, Campaign 2 Mighty Nein, Castlevania, and Baldur's Gate 3 please?

Sexuality : Straight but please exclude Baldur's Gate 3 Raphael, Emperor, Cazador, Thorm, and the Withers!

My personality : I'm shy, timid, quiet & polite to strangers. With people I'm comfortable with, I'm loud, outgoing, playful, mature, responsible, motherly(to naughty friends), childlike(to mature friends/family) and sarcastic (unintentionally).

I'm kinda tomboyish as I wear over-sized t-shirts, baggy pants, sneakers but don't play sports or video games. I'm a slow learner, not smart, not strong, and not talented. It's pretty normal that even my loved ones would be frustrated with me when I can't understand what they want me to do.I'm pretty dense, straightforward, oblivious, and naive too.

I get confused or misunderstand what people meant easily so it's best if you tell me straight to my face so I can't be mistaken. I'm also touch starved as I love giving & receiving affection but I only can hug one person and even then, I do my best to not overdo it because I can be overly touchy if I don't hold myself back.

I'm a hopeless romantic, sensitive, clingy, forgetful, & overthink often. I work as hard as I can & try my best & be careful as I can to everything I do, as I'm pretty clumsy & makes mistakes more often than most people. I try to help my family and friends as they've helped me & cared for me dearly.

2/2) I try to communicate properly & ask for their consent first before doing anything because I misunderstood that I had their permission before. I do my best to give people the benefit of doubt but I do have my limits. I don't really get angry often that even my family & friends are surprised when it happens once in a blue moon. I don't believe in compliments I get occasionally or why my family & friends care for me because I don't see good things in myself only bad things. I'm insecure about still being a bit underweight.

Hobbies : drawing, reading manga, listening to music, fanfics especially reader inserts, and watching anime, movies, & cartoons. My favourite genre is romance but I love comedy, mystery, action, sci-fi, fantasy, and historical too! My favourite music genre is pop, but I also love ballads, & alternative rock!

Likes : music, fanfiction, manga, anime, cartoons, books (If I find it interesting), family, friends, potato chips, chocolate, cakes, bread, anyone who is kind, patient, supportive, helpful, tries at least, trustworthy, responsible, fair in general, respectful, flexible, honest, open-minded, humble, sincere, accepting, thoughtful, encouraging, forgiving, careful, understanding, wise, mature, cooperative, caring, etc.

Dislikes : anyone who's rude, disrespectful, doesn't listen to others, refuse to admit mistakes, blames others for their mistakes, ignores people yet demands attention from them, demanding, won't acknowledge what you said, hypocritical, biased, irresponsible, careless, disloyal, inconsiderate, insensitive, inflexible, petty, hostile, untrustworthy, immature, uncooperative, unforgiving, judgemental, narrow-minded, self-centred, unethical, self-righteous, etc. That's more but that's all I could think of.

MASTERLIST 11

Vox Machina

I pair you with….Vax

He’s your support, your listener, the one who understands what you’re going through and those sticky fingers always “gifting” you things that catch your eye. He adores the romantic side of you.

The Mighty Nein

Pair you with…Beauregard

She’s curious about what interests you and sees how you don’t take shit from anyone or anything at anytime. You stick up for her and she’s got your back too. Kisses from you on her bruised knuckles help all the same.

Bell’s Hells

You are with….Ashton

He feels protective of you, despite his denial that he’s grown more fond of you than before. The barbarian can be their most authentic self around you, all the ugly and good is at your feet, and you accept him still.

Castlevania

I pair you with.., Sypha

She recognizes how similar you and Trevor can be which can cause you to butt heads with each other but she knows you mean well. Living as a Speaker entails being well read and observant which you two find common ground on. She’ll even listen to your music, one earbud for you both

Baldur’s Gate

I pair you with….Astarion

He feels a closeness with you because he can recognize the same cycle he’s repeated for 200 years but he sees you making a difference. Bit by bit, he does too because you inspire him. Gentle touches from you make him shiver at the touch

[rjschoicesstuff]

Until this ask I nevr rly considered th idea that child vampires could be a thing in ID. But now I do wanna include them in my hc's..

I do think there'd only be like 3 of them in the Nexus that are younger than 10 and all 3 are very old, the youngest was turned around a century ago. I imagine the covens don't turn anyone younger than 16. I think it's in general just widely considered really uncomfortable and messed up (and worse the younger the child is), even to those who love being vampires. Any child vampires are either turned by covenless vampires or illegally turned by a member of the coven. Turning a child is always punished with death.

The idea of child vampires (through turning) is rly messed up to me for so many reasons because their inability to consent, the implication that being turned is very painful, just in general that it happens through biting, the whole change afterwards etc. Especially when it's an adult turning a child.

I imagine for children the difficulties everyone goes through after being turned, are a lot worse (if they even survive the process, because most don't). Their bloodlust is worse, they have more trouble not giving in to those urges (and understand less Why they even need to control themselves). The sudden enhanced senses are a lot harder for them to cope with. They do learn to cope and to control themselves better but it takes a lot longer and a lot of patience, newly turned vampire children are a Lot to handle. And like the younger they are, the worse. Two of the kids are Clements and don't really have that prey drive, at least. One kid is a Venandi and goes out to hunt twice a month, accompanied by a group of elders and with one of those harnesses and a Very Strong chain leash so they can't run off, because a hungry vampire child with a prey drive on the loose is asking for huuuge problems. Like either they might go into a town and kill someone or they might not be found before the sun comes up and die of sun poisoning. For that kid that's the only time they ever get to leave the Nexus because the risk is way too high. The other two get to play outside sometimes and are even allowed to be out during daytime sometimes at this point, though if they get to be around people, they have to stick to the adults that are accompanying them. They don't get to live those fake human lives because it's not possible. For the drawing of Ripley and Gabe with the little girl at the claw machine I imagine Ripley begged Lewyn + her guardian to let her take her to the autumn festival. I think in the end it was okay because Gabe would come along lol. And I do imagine there's some elders just kinda hovering around the whole time.

I imagine one of them was turned by a vampire who, like Ripley, longed to be a parent and instead of accepting that they can't, turned a child to be 'their own, forever'. I think there's something rly uncomfortable about that story to Ripley. Though she can't imagine she'd ever do that because it's really gross and wrong to her. But just that she can relate to the feeling I guess? I do think that's one of the times she realises that being part of a community of vampires as a freshly turned vampire might be very crucial, like despite her history with the covens, people have helped her Not Lose Her Mind. And making her Talk about her grief instead of letting her be alone with her thoughts.

I think all the kids have pretty like dark pasts. I imagine that while the covens are real strict and are very hard on adult/older vampires, the kids don't get that treatment. They don't get barbaric punishments, they are well fed, they are honestly a bit spoiled even. I think there's kinda this collective feeling of like, they should not be vampires and everyone needs to make their immortal lives as good as it can be. Like they're kinda Everyone's babies. I feel like that's also one of the things Cas would point at when he says his coven is like a family.

I always imagine the Nexus as some kinda small underground town. The kids live with their guardians and they are intentionally all placed pretty deep in the Nexus, in case the Nexus is ever attacked by hunters or something. There's also a shelter they're supposed to hide at if this happens and which is very heavily protected. There's also a bunch of spaces that are made for them like a little classroom and a play room and stuff.

[themuliama]

I've been drawing for a very VERY long time. I've been inspired by artists on the internet and I've been looking at a LOT of beginner drawing tutorials on YouTube. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't improve as much as I wanted. My characters looked weird, and my coloring and lines were horrible…

But if like me you've watched HOURS of drawing tutorials and have been practicing for DAYS, but feel frustrated in your improvement anyways, you're just like me! And do you know why? Because like me, you've never worked on the drawing fundamentals!

Don't worry anybody can learn about the fundamentals with enough practice, effort, and most importantly, good information!!

So if you've been drawing for a long time and you think that you didn't improve enough, or if you want to start drawing but you've never known where to start, this is the perfect article to guide you in your art journey!

Keep reading and let's start to draw seriously together!! :D

The joy of starting!

Drawing is an excellent way of self-expression, a way to become more creative, and a way to see the world from a whole new perspective! You'll be so proud and happy to share your ideas and create beautiful drawings! And you'll learn SO MUCH about the world and the objects around you!

But if there is one thing that you have to keep in mind during this journey, is that everyone starts as a newbie! So don't be harsh on yourself and give yourself some time to learn and practice the things that will make you improve! Being an artist is a wonderful journey! Take some pleasure to live it!

Something else to keep in mind is that material is not an excuse! A pen and some printing paper are more than enough to start! The most important is to actually draw consistently!  Anecdote: I started to draw in my notebook during French class in middle school. (Don't be like me though listen during class)

So now you should be asking…

But what are the fundamentals I need to learn?

And you're right to ask this question! Just drawing every day isn't enough to improve your competence. You'll need to draw things that will make you improve! 

Having a good drawing foundation is important to build a good drawing style!! 

So here are the fundamentals you need to learn as a beginner:

Perspective

That is what will make your line on the paper feel 3D!

Here you'll need to learn about what makes an object feel like it has volume, how something farther away would look like, etc.

I have two exercises for this fundamentals!  The first one is to actually draw objects! Draw cubes, cylinders, and spheres in any direction you can think of!

Here is what it looks like when I do this exercise!

The second exercise is to draw these objects in an environment!  Horizon lines and vanishing points will be your friends here.

Here this will make it clear to you!

Construction

Construction is the ability to build new things with the simple shapes we saw earlier! You'll try to understand how objects would connect together. 

With this skill mastered, you will be able to draw ANYTHING! Because all things and objects can be broken down into simple shapes and volumes! 

Looking at references can be a good idea here! Look at a simple object and try to draw it with the volumes!

This is the way I practice construction

Gesture

I only have one thing to say here: GESTURE DRAWING! What is gesture drawing? Is an exercise! The goal of this exercise? To draw people with a time limit! You'll draw a pose in one to two minutes at first! Your goal is to get the GESTURE of the character in your drawing.

There are a few websites for doing gesture drawing! You just have to select the time and the type of images you want and draw! One of my favorite websites is Quickposes! But I'm sure you could find another one if you search a bit on the internet!

Now you know what to practice! Practice these fundamentals consistently and you'll see your drawing skills improving! 

Of course, you don't have to just draw spheres, cubes, and simple people you can draw things you want to draw! Just draw from good references!

Another thing that can help you with improving your art is…

Drawing challenges!

They're fun, put you out of your comfort zone, and make you draw things you would have never drawn otherwise! Isn't that amazing?

That's why it's such a good idea to participate in art challenges! Plus, having other people participating in the same challenge can help you boost your motivation!!

There is plenty of art challenges on the internet, but the one you should do to start drawing is certainly Marc Brunet's 30 days art challenge!  An art challenge that will help you start drawing in a month! You will practice the fundamentals and you'll see the improvement by the end of it! 

Maybe should I do this challenge? (Btw Marc Brunet's channel is an excellent place to learn from! Go look at some videos!)

In conclusion

You now have all you need to start drawing! You know that you'll need dedication and persistence, you know about the fundamentals you need to practice! You also have a perfect challenge to start drawing! Don't forget that drawing is an enjoyable journey! Don't overdo yourself, practice consistently, and be curious!

Feel free to ask questions or share some drawings so we can all track our progress!

One of the most essential pieces of advice I'll give you in this post is to find fun in the process :D

[flocessyranch]

📼+ Leon?

"Charmeleonnn!" He heard his trainer calling for him. His partner. His best friend. His boy... but the newly evolved Charizard couldn't bring himself to answer. The rain was thick and falling in sheets and he had personally gone as far as possible to escape his partner after... well, the attitude he had seen given to one of his teammates, Doublade. Leon had blamed Doublade and not himself for that mess up. Doublade had done his best.

Clenching his claws together, he heard Leon's calling drawing closer. "Charmele-- Oh." Seeing his partner was now a fully evolved Charizard, he could sense his trainer's excitement. "Awesome! You evolved! Now we ca--" His rage came full circle with a smack of his tail to Leon across the face, the young man going flying into the rain-soaked grass and tumbling a bit. Letting out a fierce roar at Leon, a anger-driven one too, the young man was taken aback.

It took Leon a bit to get up, but the look on his face was one of shock and uncertainty. "Char--" The fire-type snarled, bearing his fangs. Venting his frustrations with stomping and thumping of his tail as well as roaring in frustration, Leon could see it clearly. His pokemon was unhappy, dare he say verging on upset... but so was Leon. "Why the heck did you smack me?! I was worried ab--" Another hard smack with Charizard's tail. Leon was only human. He couldn't understand pokemon as well as some people, but as long as they had been partners...

"Char! Stop it--" Another smack. Putting his trainer through the ringer without killing him, a fight between pokemon and human began just as they often played when he was a small child and he was but a Charmander.

Hand meeting claw, the two finally met forehead to forehead with Leon headbutting Charizard and Charizard returning it. "You're so stubborn!" Headbutt. "Mudbray-headed!" Headbutt. "Idiotic!--" A headbutt finally send Leon falling back and Charizard snarling down at him. Staring up at him, Leon went to get up, but not before Charizard laid a foot on him, his fangs snarling and flames licking his lips. Fear crossed Leon's eyes for a split second, but Charizard didn't let up.

"You haven't figured out what he's trying to tell you?" A elderly but strict tone cut the air as Leon looked over quickly to see Mustard with his Urshifu behind him. "You really have lost touch with your pokemon, Leon. I'm disappointed." "What do you me--" A snarl from Charizard to silence him had Leon flinching. "Your partner who's been with you since the beginning is angry with you. He has you pinned, threatening you... why would he go so far as to do that?" Leon turned and looked at Charizard then, the fire-type's eyes narrowed. He could see hurt, but also that anger flowing there in bits of fire. His wings flexed and his tail swished.

"... I haven't been listening to them. I've only been thinking about winning." Leon concluded, calming and feeling exhaustion and sadness taking over. Sighing deeply, it takes Charizard a moment, but he pulls back finally, the fire-type's eyes sad that he had to get to that point to knock some sense into his partner, but quickly Leon gets up and moves to gently cup Charizard's snout. "... I'm sorry. I've been a right idiot, haven't I?" He asks with a loud sigh. "... Alright. I need to start right away and listen. Lay it on me. All of you." He knew his Doublade and Drakloak were near. Flying past Mustard, the three were reunited and the old man smiled.

"Very good. Very good indeed." With that, he leaves the young Champion with his pokemon and heads back to the Dojo with his Urshifu.

[kafkaoftherubble]

一直都像是在演戏，只是有时演得足够入戏宛如自我催眠，有时却太清醒而严重自我怀疑。

俺到底是在做什么的？

It's starting to become actually painful. Can't even be sure if this is jealousy or disappointment directed at this whole... unimpressive aggregate we called Lyn.

There is almost a hint of resentment. If you're good at everything, what do you need me for? Am I like putty filler for walls? Kinda just there to fill up the cracks, but was never really good enough to be actual cement or concrete?

Not, well, like you?

Anything I can do, you can too. I can even teach you the things I ca do, because none of it was a natural talent—it was all just slow, painstaking, hard work over a long stretch of time; there are just techniques and facts. Meanwhile, there are so many things you can do that I can't. Even if I want to learn, I'm so slow that by the time I'm done, no one needs me to do it anymore. They could just ask you.

They could just rely on you anyway.

I really wanna feel like I'm useful. Or doing my job well, but I keep being reminded that there's someone way more capable and competent and suitable for this. I keep thinking that everyone notices it too. Everyone knows this.

Then despite this painful feeling of inferiority, I'll somehow recover and keep on doing whatever the hell I can pretend to do well, willfully ignorant of this "better candidate," pretending that I can be as good. "Oh, I'm sure we just need time. And maybe we can create some methods to be as good as you would have been if you were in my position. Or maybe we'll do something differently from you and it could work too. Maybe the result will somehow be even more spectacular and almost unique, as though it was something you could have never done. Maybe. Oh, there are some pragmatic things I need to do regardless of my actual level of confidence and self-assurance..."

But what we choose to ignore doesn't disappear. Someone will remind us. They will. And I have nothing to counter Their accusations and observations.

Do I want to continue? Yes. Because all versions of Lyn are committed to doing a good job despite these annoying ass feelings. The first Me didn't want this, but upon accepting it, it no longer becomes a matter of what we want, but what more we can do to see through it and perform well enough. So I don't want to give up. I don't want to really cement the fact that I'm just no good. I don't want to quit.

But this means constantly bracing through mounting evidence that makes what They say seemingly more and more factual. It's like a mediocre street artist doing their best to draw despite the crowd's murmurs about their lackings ebbing and flowing. Keep gritting your teeth. Keep pretending not to understand them when you actually do. Keep saying you're just gonna find new ways to bring out your best, and then when your best amounts to nothing, pretend not to hear the crowd mocking it and say, wistfully, "My next set of efforts will surely bring out my best. It will be so great, we'll all agree I deserve to be here when that happens—I just need concrete evidence to prove this. My next set of efforts will surely be the evidence. My next efforts will surely—"

Is there anything you don't know how to do? Is there anything you have to struggle with? What do you need me for? Please don't tell me it's for emotional support or morale. It's sweet and all, but it isn't the sort of pragmatic utility I can be proud of, you know?

You know why it's important to be pragmatically useful to me. We've confided in you so much.

But maybe the truth is none of us can tell what I'm good at. Not even you, I guess? Maybe this is where you and I are finally equal—when we struggle to find something objectively true about my worthiness in this position.

What can you do to allay these feelings of uselessness and inferiority? I don't really know. I mean, what can I do? I asked the Tall One; she said it's 無理。Nothing here is truly your forte. And anything you can do competently enough, they can do better. Tell me, how do you even allay these feelings pragmatically?

You're trying soooo hard to change your mindset and comportment. You're working so hard to think differently, but you're so. Slow. Your wobbly speed of learning to be equanimous can't catch up with your reality. And so you're just gonna keep dipping in and out of this little angst of yours. You're gonna keep being reminded, over and over and over and over and over, of your mediocrity and inferiority. Until something expires. Will that something be you? Or do you hope it'd be the people who remind you of your lackings? Or do you hope it will be your egocentric worldview, finally terminated via your effort? Not that I believe you can even do the last one.

"What are you even confident at? What are you good at?"

How is it that no Lyn, not in the past and not even the one right now—me—could ever answer this after 28 years of being on Earth?

If there is nothing I'm good at, Fionn, then what can I even draw strength from when I feel like there is no point in being there?

[roycefoxarts]

COMMISSION BATCH 5 IS OPEN!!

The previous batch is done, but money is still tight, and I need to keep the funds coming. I will take a short break after the opening of the coms, but I will be accepting commissions orders during the break. I just wanna take care of some personal art. I enjoy drawing for you guys and being both generous and experimental, but rent fund is important, and I can only offer so much at a time. I am still close to landing full scale employment, but I am not there yet.

I know I added greyscale to the line art, and I love doing that. In my regret, made the choice to make greyscale a seperate item rather than something I randomly add to the lineart tier. I am sorry, but rent money is important. Living in CA isn't cheap.

I appreciate your understanding and I am sorry for the inconvenience. I love you guys and I love drawing for you all. And if I could, I would draw for free, simply because I see art as a hobby rather than a profession.

Though I will still offer a 15% discount for anything sumo related, since that happens to be my selling point (i tried fighting it, but there is no escaping where I started).

Even if you cannot afford, You can always help by spreading the word and reaching a larger audience.

I thank you all for your support, It means a lot to me.

Now for the rules

Before I can begin, Let me lay down what I prefer to draw.

-Slim -fat fur -tasteful nsfw -vore (with heavy restrictions) -certian action scenes -modern or fantasy

and what I WILL NOT DRAW for a commission:

-overcomplex drawings (they take significantly longer than they should and I prefer to risk drawing complex stuff on my own time) -Gore (Which leaves hard vore out of the question) -Abuse and cruelty art (Things like rape, abuse, or degradation.) -Slob or uber immobile fat. -Capepunk (Modern "realistic" Superhero genre. I just don't like the current modern superhero genre and its oversaturation.) -Certain Copyrighted characters and IPs (There can be some exceptions) -Other people's OCs without their permissions (There is drama around it. Dont drag me into any more drama.) -Characters that are or look underaged (I have the FBI on speed dial) -Diapers fetish (just...just no) -Political art (Should I even need to explain why?). -politically incorrect shit (You are more mature than this.)

To order to order a commission from me, You need something of a social media presence. at least a DA, Twitter, or most importiantly FA, that you had for some time at the time of ordering a com. This allows me to screen for security purposes.

I will not be accepting commissions from:

-Newly created FA or social media pages, be it burner accounts or whatever. -social media individuals that have a significant degree of controversy within the last year or so. I want to avoid controversy. -individuals under the age of 18. -Individuals that have a habit of hiding their behaviors behind "muh free speech." I would rather be with mature people thank you very much. -MAPS (should I even explain?) -People who make their political views their own personality (I dont want you as my customer base anyways)

The second thing to fill out a google form, this has everything you need to make an order from teir to whether you want the com to be nsfw or not.

Major thing to note: Do remember that I reserve the right to refuse service to anyone for any reason. So my apologies in advance.

Lastly, If I approve, I will send you the invoice. I am a Pay-upfront person, so that means if you want your slot in the queue, you need to pay upfront and that is strictly invoice only.

When you Order from me, you agree to the written agreements stated above and any violation would bar you from any future coms. Standards come first over money.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas! i love your blog sm, not only your blog but you as a person so much.

i hope i am not bothering you by asking this but i seriously don't know who else to ask.

so there's this girl at my school, my classmate. like we are not besties to say but she is a really good friend, sometimes when my bestfriend and her bestfriend don't show up to class we sit together and sometimes all four of us sit together. we have short convos like talking about our interests, animes, her drawing passion and all. so to say we are might not be super close but we are good friends.

today she told me that she likes me and came out to me - i am really happy for her mustering the courage to let it out, she told me how no one other than her older sister knows, not even her best friend.

on the instant she told me this, she panicked, to say. she was like "i am so sorry if it spooked you" "i just had to say it" "you can defo reject me..i didn't want to burden you" "my god why am i saying this...pls i hope our friendship doesn't change" she didn't let me say a word, she was getting so anxious. and without listening to me she left.

and now i don't know what to do, i feel really horrible ik how hard it must have been for her in first place, to come out to me, the only other person. she let her be vulnerable and confided in me.

but i am straight. no no i am not homophobic at all (i am literally in this fandom, forget about fandom i am proudly a lgbt)

but i never felt any attraction to females.

uh..man i don't want to make her sad. i can't and i don't want this to be complicated bw us. i don't want her to be heartbroken. i don't want her to regret coming out to me.

what should i do?

should i date her? (i have never been grossed out with w/w relationship but before this i never saw myself in one) i don't want her to be heartbroken..how can i ever tell her i'm straight.

i don't know... can a straight person like me date her? i really want a advice. if you say i should, i promise i won't be breaking her heart..i have always for me seen me in a single relation with someone and giving them all the love but i never saw a fem as my s/o cause im staright.

will i catch feelings overtime? will i be able to love her?

pls..guide me what should i do.

[ i hope what i meant to say was understandable. english isn't my first lang so forgive me for any mistakes ]

Hi love! <3

So it seems like you're pretty adamant that you're not attracted to girls. If you're sure about that, then:

Please, please, do not date this girl if you don't like her. That's not fair to her OR you! You can't just....find feelings that don't exist. And it's not fair to bring her hopes up.

(Now, that isn't to say that maybe you never considered dating women, and not you're considering it, and it sounds cool. But if it does NOT sound cool. If you are straight? Don't do it.)

You need to be honest with her. Sit her down and give her the respect she deserves. Tell her, "I really value our friendship, and I am so honored that you trusted me enough to come out to me. I want you to know that I don't just you at ALL for being LGBTQIA+. But I'm not, and I don't want to pretend to be, because it would just be hurtful, in the end. I think you're really cool, but I'm just not attracted to girls."

Trust me, being truthful will be much better in the long run. Sure, she'll be disappointed. But your sexuality isn't personal, and if you are kind and honest and accepting with her? That's still a much better coming-out story than a lot of people. Trust me.

And after? Try not to make it awkward. Don't treat her differently. But don't force something that isn't there. It'll just end up in someone getting hurt.

Hope that helps!

<3

[mibicycle]

I just want him to be happy

[click for better quality]

[crowley-the-1-true-king-of-hell]

You are not a bad person for liking Crowley! In fact I think understanding the context in how Crowley's life shaped him, shows an incredible level of empathy and compassion. Tbh I probably wouldn't help Crowley, before he was injected with human blood, if he were a real person. I love the guy, but he was dangerous before the human blood

It wouldn't be out of hatred, but rather caution. Even though I wouldn't help, I would feel bad for the things he went through, that he didn't bring upon himself. That includes Hell btw, which may be an unpopular opinion

As a victim of childhood abuse myself, I wouldn't want my abuser to experience thousands of years of torture. That's not the punishment = the crime at all. That's going over the top. I would fully understand if Gavin beat the daylights out of him, but Hell is worse than anything Crowley ever did as Fergus. It would be the equivalent of someone punching me in the face one time and me responding by breaking all the bones in their body

But we're not talking about Crowley irl. We're talking about a fictional character, who punched up against two humans, who had the support of Chuck Almighty on their side. Some Dean stan tried to tell me that Cas has power over Dean, because he's more powerful than Dean. I mean sure, if you aren't looking at the big picture. But the main character automatically has more power than every other character. They need the main characters for the show to continue. Again Sam & Dean had God on their side, helping them survive for years

Crowley has done some unjustified bad things. Muffins, anyone? Crowley did some bad things, were I truly wish there had been another way [ Sarah Blake ] I'm sorry babe. He chose you, because had he chosen a random stranger they saved, they wouldn't be as motivated to give in.

Crowley knows from experience [ Lisa and Ben ] that if you tell Sam & Dean, back off and I won't hurt them, Sam & Dean will not back off. They will try and rescue that person

Similarly if you tell Sam & Dean, give me both tablets and I'll let her go, Sam & Dean will say no to that, and try and find her and mount a rescue instead

I would fucking hate to be leverage against Sam & Dean, because they don't do what they're told. They would literally endanger me, by trying to rescue me instead of just giving up the tablets

So Crowley knowing that a living victim just puts Sam and Dean into rescue mode, decided that killing Sarah would do way better at breaking their hope

Also plot convenience that Crowley let Dean get that close to him, tbqfh, because Dean could draw a demon blade at any time

You aren't a bad person. Honestly, everybody has different opinions. It's up to you on what opinions you want to acknowledge. I would tell your brother, sorry but why the actual fuck do you think your opinion is above mine? Because you said so? See it's all subjective

Opinions are like a buffet at a restaurant, you pick the ones that are healthy and or delicious for you

The healthy buffet might be fair and constructive criticism, where someone is being a good friend. It's hard to hear, but they aren't being hateful. Like for a made up example, if you were on drugs and lashing out with toxic behaviours, because of that, and they bring that up

The delicious buffet might be people who see you in a great light

But the negativity, the opinions that aren't about being helpful, and helping you grow as an individual, but it's just about making you feel bad? See it for the spoiled food poisoning food it is and tell the waiters in your brain to biff it

Easier said than done ngl

I need to rant about something that happened to me today. (cw: mentions of trauma & emotional abuse)

My brother and I were playing a Star Wars game on his Xbox and we started riffing about how Supernatural characters would react. He started with Cas discovering a lightsaber, so I started mimicking what I thought Crowley would say if he met the Sith: that he likes their color scheme. My brother responded with Dean using a lightsaber to cut up all the hellhounds.

I, quite reasonably (in my opinion), said, "Nooo, not the dogs!"

He said, "They're not dogs. They're hellhounds."

I said, "But Crowley can command them, right? So he can call them off and Dean would only have to kill the bad ones."

Come to find out, my brother doesn't like Crowley at all because Crowley is a demon. I tried to explain my viewpoint, that Crowley isn't all bad and did a lot of good things, and isn't even the main villain of the show. Plus he's funny and enjoyable to watch.

I told him, "I understand not liking Lucifer because Lucifer really is a bad guy. But Crowley isn't an all bad character and he's a lot of fun."

The conversation switched back to Star Wars after that. But I don't understand why my brother is allowed to love Darth Vader and enjoy force-choking video game soldiers while I am not "allowed" to love a wisecracking British demon with a history of trauma who sometimes saves the world. What's the difference there?

And the truth is, Crowley is my comfort character. It hurts me that my brother is implying that I am somehow a bad person for loving my comfort character. I don't support all the things that Crowley did in the show. But I don't support what the Winchesters have done either. I don't see why Crowley's "species" should make a difference to me.

Plus, my brother doesn't know about or accept the fact that I also come from a background of trauma and emotional abuse, and so I don't think he could ever understand why I connect with Crowley in the first place.

And that's the end of my rant, I guess. I wish everyone could see the nonhuman characters of SPN the way I do.... As people who deserved better than what they got, who should have been loved and treated fairly. And as Very Good Dogs, not just mindless rabid animals.

[entropic-saudade]

Also can we just talk about The Implications from when Jack says “I wanted mankind to make their own fate. No interference from anywhere, no exceptions”?

Without interference, Sam’s world could’ve been destroyed too. Even if Sam and the other living hunters would’ve copped onto the danger eventually, because the Akrida needed to be killed by something not from earth, then their chances would’ve been slim (of course, they could’ve gone to Purgatory or Hell or used the HunterCorp versions or Apocalypse versions of the people that may have still been down there —unless Jack put them back — in order to find a suitable weapon, so it’s possible they had a better chance of not getting destroyed compared to other worlds). We know this, bc Dean says it next as his reasoning for meddling.

That fact is why Dean and Baby were vital, even when the core four did most of the work throughout the season to make their own fate after Dean set the ball rolling in The Winchesters. Dean needed to interfere in order to save all the worlds.

And in doing so, isn’t Dean making his own fate?

Or do you only get to make your own fate if you’re alive? (In which case, Heaven isn’t quite as free as it claims to be).

Are you only considered part of mankind if you’re alive? (Ouch. The person who throughout the show, at least to Cas, has been humanity’s representative (“He’s in love… with humanity,” “I loved everyone because of you”) and one of its saviors is no longer considered to be part of that?)

Thinking outside of “Chuck won”/“Jack is corrupted by Chuck/god power” theories, it’s possible that since Jack is still pretty much a kid (he still can’t tie his shoes 😭) he just doesn’t understand the nuances or full implications of the rules he’s trying to implement. He doesn’t understand that without Dean’s interference those worlds— even a world with people he cares about on it— may have been lost. He doesn’t understand that not doing anything to save those worlds is a bad thing (abstaining from action is not a neutral choice, it aligns one with the oppressor (in this case, the Akrida, and thus Chuck) in situations where one otherwise has the power to help). He’s trying so hard to maintain peace and order, to not repeat the mistakes of his grandfather and father, that he’s tragically still missing the point. It’s a lot of responsibility and power, and the only existing guidebook on how to wield it is basically trash so he’s having to make stuff up as he goes too. Which is terrifying and stressful and things would work so much better if people just stayed in the lines he’s drawing.

A large part of early SPN was focused on how God (and by nature, all gods, fathers, & makers) seemingly left. No prayers answered, no signs, just radio silence. His absence was the impetus for a lot of major events— the angels gunning to get the apocalypse started and over with bc they wanted some peace too; the angel civil war after they averted the apocalypse and Cas subsequently swallowing Purgatory for power, going mad, and unleashing the leviathan; Cas inadvertently causing the angels to fall in the struggle for power after Naomi and Metatron’s manipulations, Metatron making himself God, the factions that arose from fallen angels; Amara being released and yelling to be heard. God being absent, and being seemingly hands-off, didn’t work.

[For now I’m not even going to dissect how Chuck claims he left because ‘helicopter parenting’ didn’t work, and that him leaving was okay because humanity made it— because it had Sam and Dean. But then we see him later (and in actuality throughout the show) just trying to repeat the same narrative patterns he already wrote— Isaac and Abraham, Cain and Abel, etc for the sake of the story when it’s revealed he does interfere]

The late seasons posit that in actuality the issue was that God interfered too much, both by writing the overall narrative and with all the times he interfered (writing himself in as Chuck, resurrecting TFW countless times, anything he did to make a good story— and specifically, with his actions toward the end— killing Jack, raising Hell, snapping everyone away and trying to make his ending happen).

Jack only knows or has only experienced the latter— with the exception of Cas not being there after he was born and his short-lived experience of being separated from a father figure in that way, he hasn’t had to experience what Cas, Sam, Dean, humanity and the angels experienced for centuries. [This to me would’ve made leaving the deleted scene from 15x19 where Jack prays to Cas but gets no answer more poignant if they left it in— Jack knows what praying to no one feels like, what that pain and confusion is like]. Especially since Jack was just able to wake Cas up from the Empty anyway, and evidently pull him back out unseen in the finale, compared to everyone else he hasn’t had to experience the early seasons absent god/father struggles. He doesn’t understand that interference from on high isn’t always a bad thing in terms of where it gets humanity; the issue was that Chuck did it as entertainment, toyed with them and forced them through all this for a story. The solution then, is to just try to get Jack to understand the nuance and help with the rules and reign (which we see here a little bit, when both Dean and Bobby explain why Dean interfered and Bobby vouches for him, so Jack allows it, giving him the Colt. He still wants to put Dean back in the Heaven box but again, he’s just trying to hold things to gather and it would be a lot easier if everyone would stay where they were put).

But it shouldn’t be solely up to Jack to bear that weight.

Over and over the show has shown us that any single person trying to dictate how Heaven should be run or trying to fill that space — be it Chuck himself, or a well-meaning Cas, or Raphael, or Naomi, or Metatron, or Lucifer— doesn’t work. Over and over the show has shown us that what does work is when people work as a team— team free will, both versions; any time they rally all their allies to unite against a force bigger than they are; every version of found family on the show. Every time a hunter helps another. (Something The Winchesters emphasizes too.) Any time they win — whether it be finally killing Azazel, stopping the apocalypse, stopping the leviathan, or Amara, etc— although it’s usually one of the boys that does the final act, they never get there on their own. It always takes the help and teamwork from friends and foes alike to get there.

Although Amara wasn’t always great (blame her early attitude on Chuck), she brought up a good point about how ruling should have been about balance— not a single point of view or dictatorial narrative, but at the least two of them, working in tandem. Although Chuck absorbed Amara and Jack took in Amara when he took Chuck’s power, this balance still isn’t something we necessarily got to see onscreen in either show. It would be nice to see Amara out and let her help, along with getting visual confirmation that Cas is there and helping too, and it’s not just Jack.

If you do look at the situation from a ‘Chuck won/corruption’ theory, however, then the implications are far more sinister— Jack doesn’t want Dean or anyone interfering, meaning those worlds including Sam’s would’ve been destroyed. Interfere, and risk getting cast out of Heaven— and away from where you got the chance to meddle in the first place. He’s choosing to not interfere because on the surface it makes him look like a better, changed God, but I reiterate: abstaining from action is not a neutral choice, and in a situation where he literally has the power to do otherwise, it aligns him with the villain— the Akrida, and thus Chuck. So nothing has really changed, underneath. Mankind makes their own fate but only within limited parameters set up by Chuck, making it a rigged game. It’s a no-win scenario. Dean has to go back to the box of Heaven, where despite his family being down the road from him he still feels driven to seek out a universe where his family had a shot at a happy ending. Dean is made to go back to where Carry On was playing, where he no longer gets to pick the music. (In. What. World. Would Dean pick that cover of Wayward Son. 💀)

Either way, whether Jack is actively corrupted by Chuck, or if he just doesn’t really fully understand what he’s doing, Jack needs a little help in running Heaven and the multiverse. Dean should be allowed to be part of that help. We should get to see Cas be part of that help. We should get to see Jack change a little more, to have more nuanced understanding and flexibility.

And we should get to see that more in Season 2 if the show is renewed.