#why i havent posted anything in a while
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I JUST HIT MAX PLAYER RANK LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOO!!!!
#twisted wonderland#twst confessions#twisted wonderland confessions#father twist's preachings#twst#disney twst#disney twisted wonderland#twistedwonderland#also hi#in case you're wondering#why i havent posted anything in a while#it's because i've been dead with the plague for a couple of weeks lol
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my text disappeared here when i posted. what happened
#annyways whats the deal with the panicau. im not talking about like popularity or anythin g#why does n have the evil triangle solver and uzi is a ghost thats evil but also not and theres teeth??? in visor??????#i dont understand anything about it but the artstyle looks cool so i can ignore that#havent drawn this large in a while but i needed to do it for the pc screen to not be Totally crushed#a little crushing is ok. as a treat#i think i took this idea from a post i saw once but i cannot find it again for the life of me#and very intelligent prior me decided not to link it to myself so. lost media#still trying to figure out how i want to draw drone heads slash visors and have been since i started drawing md stuff#losing it#spent like an hour trying to draw something else before giving up and doing this instead#if youre lucky ill actually do it eventually#art#murder drones#murder drones uzi#murder drones n#serial designation n#do i even tag mdpanic?? does this count???#constantly afraid ill mess up tagging#which is something you can do and i might be doing#and also thats a joke. hopefully
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snowbaz wedding cause im thinking about them aggressively
pseudo prequel to this
#ive had this sitting here since February#and since i havent drawn anything in a while#why not post it#snowbaz#carry on#co/ws/awtwb#simon snow trilogy#simon snow#baz pitch#tyrannus basilton grimm pitch#rainbow rowell#my art
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collector of knives + other stuff
#very proud of the first one#(i drew it on a ship at 2am)#the rest are kinda experiments#i havent drawn nice traditional art in a while#also im on vacation rn thats why im not posting anything😔#trigun#trigun maximum#my art#millions knives#i stared at him + didnt get sleep for too long and ended up hallucinating knives in this outfit during orchestra rehearsal#vash the stampede#legato bluesummers#trigun fanart
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you: nicholas alexander chavez, the actor from ryan murphy's recent work
me, a mama's girl and daytime tv viewer:
#text post#general hospital#nicholas alexander chavez#spencer cassadine#sorry i'm still not over my shock at this lol#i remember asking my mom MONTHS ago (she follows general hospital news online) 'hey wheres spencer i havent seen him in awhile?'#'oh his character died off. the actor is doing some netflix show where he plays a murderer'#and you have to understand. i dont consume anything to do w true crime. but to my 63-year-old mother. ryan murphy doesnt exist#so bc of just how self-contained the archaic institution of network soap operas are. i just. idk i didnt assume it was a big role#it didnt register to me that it was the sequel to the dahmer show. is what i am saying. and i never thought about it again#mommy made it sound like he might be coming back bc soap opera characters fake-die all the time#and so i put the thought out of my head until completely independently i was watching a video about monsters: menendez being flawed#and i was like. going absolutely insane w how familiar he looked i was like 'ok i know that man cant be too famous but i KNOW him'#'i know him from something and i know him WELL from something. like whatever hes from is iconic to me'#and then the video creator said his name and i was like THATS INSANE WHERE DO I KNOW THAT NAME??!?!??#it's a name i read in the credits but probably never thought in my head at all bc sorry he's just spencer to me#so i googled it and i was gobsmacked. i was like MOM DIDNT SAY he was gonna be in THIS SHIT!?!?!?#i also do lay my life down on the defense that the cinematography of a prestige netflix drama makes him less recognizable to me#who knew him best under cheap soap opera lighting in basic back and forth dialogue shots. like#i have to be honest i never cared for his looks on gh bc he just kinda looked like too perfect. like he looked like a mannequin#i see it now though i get it#i get why he's very fan editable to the true crime girlies i get it#not that it matters. im just in mourning bc it never occurred to me the spencer era was over. i actually liked his character#i cant tell u why bc he wasnt all that distinguishable from all the other basic dramatic character archetypes. idk it was a good performanc#i cant explain to u what makes a soap opera character distinct while still being completely generic (they all are)#i also liked his relationship w his girlfriend in the show it was cute. he was evil but they were sweet#nicky please come back. im begging u. as your only general hospital era fan who is your age#i dont wanna watch monsters menendez i reeeeeally dont
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I am absolute shit at coming up with ideas to draw so throw whatever you got at me. And by whatever I mean Zevlor, but I'm also open to Rolan. Anyone else is ehhhhhhh maybe
It can be nsfw but I haven't drawn that in forever so I'm super rusty
#sorry i havent posted any wips or anything in a while#you will see why#.... eventually#jk its not that big of a deal im just so agonizingly slow#part of it is hyper-criticism of my art#and part of it is adult responsibilities#text.post
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up in club friday the series from august 2nd! after the current batch of episodes (love you to death) concludes
bonus: nut's edit
#gaiaxyposting#up poompat#nut supanut#Yes im posting this for nut i havent seen anything up is in. i know theyre friends though#cfts is super hit or miss .... been watching some primarily from s16 and i LOVE some of them while others are..... eh#love you to death has been great idk why no ones talking about it. garfin is wonderful in it
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prime Little Guys™ that I have drawn awesomeness.........
#these are all OLD. EW!!!!!!!!!!#I havent drawn anything of quality *crying* but I want to post because its been a while :'(#thinking about the word 'whose' right now#because I hardly ever see people use it. why is that#had a friend of mine who READS in her free time deny the existence of it. the rage I felt in that moment remains unmatched#also i want.. to post my artfight stuff SO BAD because I am still so proud of them#BUT I don't think any of the guys whose characters I drew use tumblr-- and id feel obligated to tag 'em or something.. cryy...#<< whose mention#lets go
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do you guys ever wonder about frank's spice tolerance. i do.
#stupid post which is why im not tagging it as anything. literally who cares about this? me. i guess#i havent figured anything out but i do wonder about it#every time i have the buldak stew ramen i think about it.#on one hand frank is frank and he was in the military so his taste has to be shit#but does that mean. dead tastebuds no effect? or tastebuds so unused to actual taste of anything he dies?#comic micro gave me the vibe like he could handle spicy stuff..... 2017 micro im unsure of. i want to say yes while 2017 frank dies#but that might be my favoritism of micro in that show and my dislike of frank in it. so yk
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crying at my twitter pfps dawg tf is goin on in my head
#iw spoilers#snap chats#can we tell i like shadow. can we tell im really excited for the movie.#LIKE PLEASE JSVLKJALVKJ I ONLY JUST REALIZED HOW GOOFY THIS IS FOR MY TWITTERS#first is priv second is art/main third is personal/rt stuff. cause my friend kept wantin to tag me in posts but didnt wanna tag my main vjL#masato being my priv is fitting i think <- lit just qrting stuff and sayin shit like 'i didnt know james marsden played cyclops in xmen'#i THINK i used to post emo rants there but. most of those rants i post here too VJALEKJKLAE SO NOT MISSIN ANYTHING TEAM#i should change my priv pfp ... idk havent entered a new era yet. masato can stay#i still like that still of him .. aw wait is that an IW spoiler#ill tag it sure why not#ok bye im gonna go stare at my shadow the hedgehog collection while holding my hands behind my back#the most honorary of stances
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Christmas Miracle JAY FINISHES A PIECE?????? No way
Really tried on this one i promise😭 still a bit of botched anatomy but its ok i like the ugliness of some parts
VERY proud of that burn scar though
#quick midnight drawing for yall cause i havent posted anything quote on quote good lately#adding random moles at the end of drawing something is like a reward#im nervous ab this one yall#💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#been nervous about my art recently idk why#im also working on something else but I haven’t been able to figure out a pose for it#its been days someone help me#art#eddsworld vtm au#digital art#fanart#eddsworld au#listened to tearjerker by korn on repeat while drawing this btw
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twitter is entering their "rts > likes" phase now that likes are private after they spent years calling us ungrateful for being demotivated by ratios lmao
#man fuck yall just support artists you enjoy#dont attack people who dont rb/rt your art (hell they might even have it scheduled) but also dont constantly demand ''content'' from people#ESPECIALLY without telling them that you appreciate the effort they put in to show you cool things they made for free#you should've been rt'ing/rb'ing from the START 😒 just show people you care!#im just waiting to scroll through post after post of ppl calling out ''entitled artists'' lmao#btw my opinion on the whole thing is painfully neutral if you couldnt tell#i dont think you should care that much about numbers and ppl take it wayyyyyy too far#throwback to that one guy who personally @ everyone who didnt reblog their art that was CRAZY. i would straight up report you KJFGHKG#i also understand and have personally experienced how much engagement can change your mood#a simple ''i love this!'' can make someone's day. it's not hard to understand why ppl like engagement#when they make post after post without so much as a little tag they dont care about sharing anymore#the fact that people call that ''entitlement'' is also crazy#i have a lot of drawings i havent posted or just left nonrebloggable bc it really doesnt make a difference lmao#the only ones i leave rebloggable are the ones that i Know will do well and get attention. like the little pig redraw#if it's cute or funny it gets positive attention. anything else is shit on here lmao#it's just not as fun to share. it either leads to no engagement or negative engagement#would rather have nothing than something rude so whatever#some ppl say it's always been like this but no it absolutely was not always like this#idk what exactly caused the change. probably a lot of factors#could even just be the fandoms i hang around in! but considering i've seen the same sentiment from a bunch of ppl i doubt it's that#the best solution to no engagement is to just make friends and have fun#but 90% of the internet is hostile and negative and rude for no fucking reason#when i unfollowed someone on my old public twitter and they @ me over it. damn i dont know why but NOW i know why 😭#this post has gone way off course im just ranting at this point. i havent talked in a while hi how have you guys been#work was a lot yesterday and today is too slow (im not at work im just going crazy in my house)#(and i cant leave my house bc there's construction blocking the road someone save me)#chat
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i feel like a part of my soul has been ripped from my chest and i dont know why.
#is this a bad time to mention i dont even believe in souls?#i really dk why.#no this isnt abt jiro somehow apparently having a loving family#(ok like. at least 1/4 of it is BUT STILL. NOT THE POINT)#(part of me feels awkward abt it bc just. huh? youre telling me. this guy. that i basically am the irl version of. has a loving family???)#(/j and all but just. idk part of me feels awkward now? it just. a guy who blew himself up for most of the same ideals i have)#(gets to have the one thing i yearn so very hard for. everyday of my life. but can never have.)#(ill get over this in like. 2 hours. hopefully. most of thats just shock anyways.)#just. for the past some days. besides a couple things and people. hurt and love havent really. made me feel much of anything#like being cared for by actual ppl even online. yeah. it still does but#even my fantasies don’t entertain me anymore#oh god am i becoming lopt. save me fuck#UNLESS this means i get mason as my bf. then hell fucking yeah (kidding kidding kIDDINGG i dont wanna be lopt. please.)#but srsly. usually i can envoke some sorta reaction from myself if its brutal enough#but. nothing.#id assume that im over doing it usually. but i havent in a good while#maybe this is some what where my art/writers block is coming from#whatever this hell is.#time to go on a spiral of mildly depressing and somewhat cryptic posts (cryptic if i didnt info dump in the tags that is)#why is it so hard to confront issues when you dont even know what the issue is?#i just. wanna be able to make myself feel something.#not in a “i have no one but myself” way for once. just. i dont wanna have to rely on others for my emotions#i want to feel a pang of hurt. yet it feels so empty. i dont want to harm myself. i just want to feel it.#anyways ig.#ig im gonna just sleep#which tbh im growing to hate bc like. i feel all i do is sleep. i sleep to avoid how much my own body hurts. i sleep to ignore my issues#i sleep to ignore the fact i keep forgetting to respond to people even though ik i have to at some point. i sleep to avoid the dread of not#getting anything done. i sleep just because im bored.#and im tired of sleeping.#but. it feels worse awake. my body hurts. my mind hurts. it all just hurts.
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#okay like sue me. sometimes i google 'neioo' just because im a nosey bitch and want to see if anyone is talking about my fics#(i just got a comment on awh and like it makes me nostalgic etc. whatever. wanted to see if anything posted somewhere prompted it)#and i havent done this in a while#so please tell me why. WHY am i cited in someone's fucking PhD dissertation#yes the paper overall is about fandom and examining hetalia in particular so it's not like out of left field#but there are two fics total cited and mine is one. AND also there is a post from my fucking neioo blog cited???#like my book announcement one??#and neither of these are cited directly in the dissertation just at the end#so now i feel like im going a bit insane but like okay#i have work i need to be doing and i was reading this fucking dissertation instead#wish i could turn to 15 year old me and be like 'hey there champ. you know that fic series youre day dreaming in your head#that you don't want to write down because you think no one will read it#good stuff. anyway. one day it'll be cited in a dissertation#oh and your grandmother will have read it. have a good day'#...............well. now i need to focus back on work
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man. i wanna get back into multifandom stuff but at the same time i cannot feel anything for things that arent idkhow anymore :,)
#UUUAAAAAGGHHHHH#I HAVENT ABANDONED MY INTERESTS BUT I LIKE I HAVE. I REALLY HAVE#I REALLY REALLY LIKE. UGH I LOVE OBSESSING OVER OTHER THINGS BUT IDKHOW KIND OF JUST LIKE. CONSUMED EVERYTHING ELSE INCLUDING ME IDK#WHY IS LIKING MORE THAN ONE THING JUST IMPOSSIBLE TO ME AAAAAAAAA#I DONT EVEN LISTEN TO DIFFERENT MUSIC ANYMORE BECAUSE I CANNOT MENTALLY HANDLE HEARING ANYTHING NEW#LIKE. I CAN CONSUME OTHER CONTENT AND BE FINE BUT POSTING ABOUT THEM JUST FEELS LIKE WAY TOO MUCH FOR ME IDK#WWHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY IS MY BRAIN LIKE THIS WHY WHY BRAIN#like. okay. i love other things too but i think for my own comfort and energy im just gonna stay an idkhow blog for the next few months#seriously i was all in on being multifandom and that was like. relatively fine with me (i think i dont remember) and then the CONCERT#JJGJJGMGMGKKHHKHLGJKGMKHMHGGFJJJKGGK#I WAS MOSTLY FINE UP UNTIL THE CONCERT. FUCK#AND NOW IDKHOW IS ALL THAT I CAN EVER THINK ABOUT AND THERE ISNT ROOM FOR ANYTHING ELSE#IDK HOW I MANAGED TO JUST LIKE OTHER THINGS? HOW DID I HAVE THE ENERGY AT ALL#I LIKE. CANNOT FIT ANYTHING ELSE INSIDE MY BRAIN#IDKHOW CONSUMES MY EVERY WAKING THOUGHT THEY SHOW UP IN MY DREAMS THEYRE ALL I DRAW. I USED TO BE A PERSON#idkhow#chase said something alright#yeah. if its okay im gonna stay an idkhow blog for a little while. ill reblog things from other fandoms occasionally but. not often#yeah :) <3 writing this all out calmed me down :)
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i really just dont think more than one person cares that i write fics tbh
and yes i love that one person so so so much and i love creating with and for them and its the light of my miserable existence
but it would just.. sometimes be nice. to be acknowledged when i do share something publicly
and yes i know it only matters that im happy and im writing for a niche ship within a niche fandom; trust me ive heard it all before. it doesnt change the fact that i feel like i dont even exist as a writer, like in general. within the fandom or otherwise
and idk its just very demotivating and it sucks so
#yeah#it would just sometimes be nice to be acknowledged. even on the most basic of levels#and i mean like.. people asking stuff. showing even general interest. fuck i dont even get requests for anything whenever ive posted that#they are open. like i know i havent done that in a while but why do you think i stopped#it just feels like i dont exist. unless i have something visual to present to the fandom im invisible#idk. it just kinda sucks. like a lot. cause even if i dabble in a lot of things writing is still the thing i wanna do and love the most#and i know im gonna keep writing and creating. but just trying to talk about it outside of very specific dms or sharing it publicly is just#not worth it tbh. and it doesnt matter how hard i try#anyways just. a thought. i guess. idk im running on very little sleep and two cups of coffee im a little bit sick lmao#read immortal fears. thats my final note on this. i would like to continue that story. okay bye#night is an absolute mess on main
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