#why he have to be 600$
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Can we just take a moment
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and appreciate this hottie
Scarecrow Premium Format Figure by Sideshow
#he's so sexy#all I can do is stare at this#why he have to be 600$#and be a limited edition so prob much more than that from re-sellers#look at those legs and those claws and that GYAT sorry but it's gorgious#anygays he's extra lanky and skeletal here and I absolutely ADORE ITTTT#Also love zombie jason#but why do he always gotta be the punching bag like dc was like ah yes let's give this one all the trauma#why they give him a six pack tho xd#all ribcage is more like him but you do you sideshow#slideshow#dc#batman#jonathan crane#scarecrow#the scarecrow#figure#statue#figurine#dc figure#dc statue#scarecrow figure#collectables#merch#merchandise#sexy strawman
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what is exactly the point of hermes bringing ody the wind bag if cant open it?
like its for a later plot point but in story it doesnt entirely make sense
#ahoys thoughts#epic the musical crit#epic the musical#im sad cause there are so many good bits in the musical but i cant fully enjoy it bc i cant look past bad storytelling and lyricism#the hand vs homeland rhyme doesnt work with the way jorge says it#'im gonna use ruthlessness' like hes refering to a theme but in the show it should be an adjective?#im goign to be ruthless but also we GET IT#it would have been better for a musical cue to show us thats why the different beast bit in 600 strike sounds so cool#i think i am very sick of media spoon feeding me hoenstly#epic the musical the vengance saga#hermes epic#epic#the vengance saga#hermes epic the musical
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I'm thinking about an AU where like...Ody picks up a feral kid from an island who stows away on the ship. It'd be good to get some whimsy on that ship and maybe things go better. Hope Penelope doesn't mind an extra kid + Telemachus having a wild child of a little sibling now. Very overly enthusiastic, half the crew is terrified, other half is like "yeah the kid has good survival technique ideas." Ody is like, "please stop gleefully mopping the bloodied castle" after kid decides to be helpful. Proceeds to kick a suitors head out of the hallway so OdyPen can walk around together peacefully.
excuse you, that child is helping!!! Ody, Telemachus, and Penelope are reuniting and tired and this child, out of the goodness of their heart is cleaning the palace (with aid of course) 😤
they don’t need to bc by that point their an official ward of the palace, but it the thought that counts (they totally loot the suitor’s stuff in the process)
#but yeah Ody and his men having a child along for their trip would be so fun!#(and why i still daydream about what if Ody didn’t throw the infant from the wall of Troy)#you’d have Polites spoiling them while Eurylochus is now calculating rations for 600 men + child. what to entertain them bc space is small#Ody daydreaming about Telemachus (imma say he projects some of his desires of being the dad he wanted to be sans Troy on the kid)#and i am already team big brother Telemachus so when Ody arrives with a kid Telemachus is so onboard bc now HE gets to tell#the kiddo tales and play with them and educate them about Ithaca (they have been given a rundown by the crew but the kid indulges)#Penelope is apprehensive at first bc it’s definitely not HER kid but it does not look like Ody#and she knows her husband inside and out#so after the apprehension is appeased Penelope is onboard for a new kid#she knows how lonely her son was I. Those years they waited for their missing family to return#(and sure we can speculate over whether or not the kid can get past Zeus’s Lightning bolt but imma ignore that for now)#(we will all assume the kid just survives it all and is there with Ody even if other crew members aren’t)#asks#epic the musical#the odyssey#(actually wait what if the kid was from Calypso’s island? 👀 washed ashore long ago and stayed bc Calypso refused to let them go)#(she projects her dreams of caring for another at the corner of the child ever growing/aging. they have been a child for so long)#(a blessing and curse. they do not envy Calypso’s difference of affection for Ody. but they do not refuse when offered a chance to leave)
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Context: my rabbi was telling a story in our judaism and hebrew class about going to israel and a funny thing that happened with transliterating english into hebrew (we were learning alef)
Rabbi: So I was in front of this store reading the sign and spelling it out to myself *points to ס ו פּ on our alef chart* and I couldn't figure out what-
Me, obliviously interrupting: oh it was a supermarket???
Rabbi, amused: ........yeah, it was a supermarket, you'd do well in israel
#jumblr#hebrew#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#shul shenanigans#my rabbi has a really interesting way of telling stories though#he has family in israel which.... woof i always hope they are safe#it's really nice to know that even our rabbi and the other person (the well-respected one who helps a ton in shabbos service)...#...aren't hebrew experts. they're super affirming and i love them#i love the judaism portion where they talked about shema and why we say it and the history#and a bit about the noahide laws and how they apply to us all but jews just have those extra 600-odd mitzvot#i knew all of this but. the sense of community even though it was only us two students and the rabbi and the hebrew teacher and his wife#i also got a calendar for 5784 and a stand up to jewish hate pin :)!!!#i would be obliterated in israel though. i can tell somebody that i am reading a good book though but that's about it#i'm not thinking about going to israel yet but once i've converted officially i would like to one day make aliyah
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thinking abt meshinui and *explodes*
#marzi speaks#they should NOT be allowed to make smth that damn cute#worst part is he’s so expensive now bc he’s no longer being made#so if i ever want one i have to get lucky on a resale website or else pay like up to $600 (real price i once say a meshinui going for)#literally it’s not fair i deserve one . why can’t i have him
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#delete later#this orange headed fuck face I swear to god#im not even american and hes already gonna piss me off#if he actually goes through with the 25% tariffs#my supplement thats imported from states for my migraines#its going to go from 300 for 6 months worth and itll change to around 600 if it happens......#these people in power are fucking goofs all of them#i could try to get it covered but that means more fucking paperwork#doctors note and stupid fucking ministry to approve#fuck the government#whats the point of living if im not even having a good time and just getting fucked in the ass by medical shit all the tjme#*time#“free healthcare”#until its shit you need an its not covered#an people wonder why im mad at the world 95% IM NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME
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casually drinking a $600 bottle of wine with my father-in-law
#bruh he brought the bottle out and offered some and one of his friends is here with us#and his friend is a chemist so he knows a lot about wine and specifically wines from 2013#he looked at the bottle and was like oh this is probably 300 so he looked it up. 600 dollar grape juice#my grandma was a wine chemist for a long time so i cant wait to tell her about it when i get home she's gonna have a lot to say lol#it was good tho. i understand why it wouldve been so expensive#but apparently they bought it for $50 and now those bottles are super valuable#im not a huge wine fan but honestly i get why it sells for so much. it was really good
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I spoke too soon I should have known that was too easy for him I’m so tired I was like hey! I might have found someone interested in subleasing, if they end up not wanting to ill start making posts places but either way, ill need a move in date to advertise and tell people. Do you have any estimates of when you might find a place yet?
And my fucking roommate replies with a bunch of links to apartments like well you could move HERE like fuck you fuck you fuck you jackass this wasn’t what we agreed on and also 90% of the places he sent me were places I already contacted and had no availability/a waitlist/couldn’t sign until august and the other 10% were WAY out of my price range also none of this solves that I don’t want to sign a new fucking lease cuz I want out of this fucking fuck ass city between you and your bf you make almost TRIPLE what I do you will have such an easier time finding a new place and moving plus you wanna stay in this stupid fucking fuck ass city just fucking GET OUT
#i am genuinely starting to hate this dipshit#I get moving sucks!#but also this is all YOUR fault so YOU should get the shittier end of the deal sorry not sorry#also me living on my own means I will go from about 600 dollars of extra income s month#to about 200 to fucking ZERO depending on what the rent is#how about you kill yourself#‘I’m not trying to make this harder for you’#you are actively fucking me over in sooooo many fucking ways dude because you are incapable of considering other human beings#he also has less bills than me?????#like motherfucker doesn’t even have a car payment cuz his mom GAVE him a car be fucking for real#he’s spent his whole life pretty much kinda jusy doing whatever he wants and getting whatever he wants#and it’s reallyyyyyyy starting to fucking show with this situation#GOD#I told him that doesn’t work for me and explained why to him AGAIN#and he has no answered so lol we’ll see#he was also like ‘but you’ll still have to live with someone you don’t know and you didn’t want that 🥺🥺’#like oh my god#yeah in an ideal world! no! I wouldn’t be doing that#but the issue wasn’t literally living with some guy I don’t know#it was being walked all over and treated like shit and not considered#nor was I asked about it lol like now I’m seeking a new roommate I was never doing that when you moved him in so I wasn’t prepared for it#fuck you for all of a sudden acting like you care about what’s ‘best for me’#and that it’s living alone when it quite literally fucking isn’t for so many reasons#you just don’t wanna fucking move and are scrambling now that I’m actually enforcing this#kysssssssssssss#kaz rambles
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IS THIS A FUCKING. JOKE??
#7 boxes! what is this moneygrabbing behaviour man ?? right you gave us fucking free summons but#this?#HELLO???#why is HE on box 6#THATS 600K POINTS#ONLY FOR HIS BATTLE FIT#THAT MEANS I HAVE TO GET 600 POINTS PER BATTLE TO GET HIM#am I going to do it though? yes#rant
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tim hesitating before leaning into a hug. like he's not sure he's allowed the gesture. tim doing the chin tuck over ur muses shoulder. the little dude goes absolutely boneless
#idk i just think he just deserves 500 million hugs and 600 million gestures of tactile assurance#why THE FUCK does he have so much responsibility handed over to him as his age. give him vacation instead#( out of. ) * mun / coma.
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So I got injured at work 2 years ago and have some permanent restrictions so couldn’t go back to bartending.
I was unemployed for a while but the workers comp insurance was refusing liability/wouldn’t pay so I had to get a lawyer. It’s been a back and forth battle for a year and a half but they’re not paying me again (in my state they’re required to give me part of the difference in pay if I return to work and make less and I took a massive pay cut) so my lawyer scheduled a meeting with a state appointed workers comp doctor, who basically acts as a neutral party to determine if my injury was from working or not/ if I have ongoing restrictions.
So I go to that meeting this morning, and we’re doing general background questions then he asks:
“So, have you been able to return to work?”
Me: yes
“The same place or industry?”
Me: no
“What’s your job now?”
Me: …….I was recently promoted to paralegal at a personal injury law firm.
The appointment was then delayed for a few minutes because he could not stop laughing at the irony that I, currently in a legal battle over my personal injury lasting over 2 years, returned to work by becoming a legal assistant at a personal injury firm only to be promoted within 6 months to paralegal. He thought it was the funniest shit he ever heard.
#and honestly he’s right it’s fucking hilarious#we were going over the night prior to my injury and he was like#oh so you don’t make 600+ cocktails in a night anymore???#I said no I strictly make stirred martinis#and he started snickering again#I honestly think I made his day lol#the irony#it’s kinda beautiful#also#as paralegal at a personal injury law firm#I regularly have to ask other people to do bits of my job#because the insurance company I’ve been legally battling only has one lawyer#so I really shouldn’t talk to them#I can’t wait until my case is settled and be like#SURPRISE BITCH. WHY ARENT YOU PAYING THESE BILLS FOR MY CLIENT?
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reading IT right now and I'm starting to worry that the hypochondriac and the podcast-bro arent gonna be gay together and that tumblr fanart has tricked me one again.... 🤨
#im only half joking bc im 600 plus pages into the book#and I just googled is richie gay and SPOILERS he is not (except for in the movie apparently)#and idk why i assumed he was except for tumblr propaganda :(#he was being so sneaky with that statue story of his for no reason#and i thought it was because GAY reasons but it was not 😒#reading the book i thought eddie was gonna be the gay one tbh bc he talked about bill in a real (and excuse the term) sus way#i think it was eddie at least ? or maybe it was stan. it might have been stan#anyways im enjoying the book so far so i sure do hope nothing bad or gross happens in this second half :)#books#stephen king#it stephen king
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Ooooh I really like this idea! I'm nomming on it so hard actually!
So, I’m on a low energy mode because it’s getting colder. (I have seen an anon ask, imma tell you here I’ll definitely draw it 🥺) But I had this thought stuck in my head for a few days and I had to get it out. And, dang, six hundred strike has never been the same to me since this idea popped up.
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Full page under the cut (it’s just poseidon getting traumatized guys—)
(For context, it’s the moment of him getting a flashback of himself being devoured by his father, and how painful it felt.)
#angst my beloved#get retraumatised bitch#love the idea of poseidon having cptsd flashbacks during 600 strike#which is why he was so OOC#makes the song a bit more acceptable imo#anyway#love this art style#so pretty#the scenes of him getting swallowed by kronos remind me of attack on titan tho#epic the musical#epic#epic poseidon#poseidon#epic the vengeance saga#six hundred strike
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Welp, at least now I know that Mother Nature isn't totally biased against NASCAR!
#indy 500#indianapolis 500#indianapolis#indianapolis motor speedway#108th indianapolis 500#any moment now#at least we know larson ain't bailing!#indycar#indycar 2024#indycar racing#indycar series#2024 indy 500#2024 indianapolis 500#they have enough time to re-air last year's 500 which i don't mind really since that one (and the two before) were amazing#(although i still gag at the idea of that ferrucci prick winning it even if he lost that one)#with a 4:45 green flag time this is going to overlap with the coke 600#so good luck whoever fills in for larson because it ain't 2023 anymore. it can't be barry or lajoie for hendrick again lol#oh and congrats to leclerc on winning monaco even if i don't know why anyone in their right mind would ever watch that race#i had that race on as pure morning background noise and i still feel cheated out of my time
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The Baby Is Fine
For sale baby shoes never worn. Oh he's not dead or anything he's just massive and they don't fit
For sale baby shoes never worn. They're Gucci, my sister got them for me and I'm not putting $600 shoes on a newborn Why the hell would anyone buy these? She's an idiot.
For sale baby shoes never worn. At least I don't think so. I found them in the eggs at the grocery store and they look pretty clean $20 obo
For sale baby shoes never worn. She doesn't have any feet but it's hardly slowing her down, honestly. I guess you can't miss what you never had.
For sale baby shoes never worn. Bought them and forgot about them for like six months, never even took them out of the box and now they're way too small. My brain is fried.
For sale baby shoes never worn. Fair warning though, they've got fucking minions on them.
For sale They were a gift from my great aunt and I don't want anything from that wretched harpy.
baby shoes I thought I could put them on my dog so he doesn't slip all over the kitchen floor but yeah it didn't work
never worn. I don't know. They're just ugly. Do I need a reason?
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Stuck
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In which reader finds herself stuck in an elevator with her colleagues.
Pairing: Hotch x Reid x Morgan x Fem!BAU!Reader Genre: smut (18+) Content warnings: fingering, oral (f and m receiving), face riding, p in v sex, overstimulation, masturbation, breast play Word count: 5,4k A/n: I'm ovulating, so you know what time it is 🤭 I'm really nervous to post this, so I hope you will enjoy!
“Oh, you guys are such babies!” You laugh as Spencer and Derek refuse to step into the elevator, explaining how they’ve been stuck in one before.
“It’s not funny, Y/N,” Spencer chimes in. “There are six elevator deaths per year. Not to mention ten thousand injuries that require hospitalization.”
You roll your eyes at his comment, just as Hotch walks toward the elevator. “See!” You exclaim. “Hotch is joining us, and he saved you last time. We’ll be fine.” You add cheerfully.
“You’re coming?” Hotch asks, holding the elevator door open. You nod, pulling Morgan and Reid with you by their arms.
You chuckle at their nervous reflections in the mirror as the elevator starts moving. A sudden creak causes Derek to snap his head towards you. “It made the same sound the last time!” You were just about to shut Derek up as the elevator shakes and the lights start flickering.
“Not again!” Spencer whimpers, his eyes squeezed shut like he’s about to fall to his death at any given moment.
Hotch inspects the tight space, his expression grim. “It seems like the electricity went out…”
“Actually, there are a lot of reasons why an elevator might stop,” Spencer interjects. “It could be worn-out suspension ropes, and it actually happens quite regularly that the motor overheats the safety sensors of the-“
“Let’s just solve this problem, shall we?” You cut him off, nudging Morgan out of the way to hit the red button on the panel.
“You think that’ll do something?” Morgan asks, brow lifted.
“It will alert someone that we’re stuck. We have to wait until somebody comes and gets us out of here.” Hotch adds.
“Well at least I’ll be missing my meeting with Strauss,” I sigh in relief.
“It was at twelve, right?” Spencer asks.
“Yeah,” you respond with a nod.
“Statistically the average wait time to be rescued from an elevator is less than an hour,” Spencer continues, checking his watch. “That means you could still make it in time.”
“Now that’s just what I wanted to hear,” you say sarcastically, earning a grin from Morgan.
“We can only hope we won’t be in here for that long,” Hotch mutters, his impatience visible as he leans uncomfortably against the elevator doors.
“Okay… so now what? Want to go over a case to pass the time?”
“No, no cases please,” Morgan groans. “We’ve had three in a row. I’m done.”
“Morgan is right. We’ve done enough cases in the past few days.” Hotch agrees.
You mutter an “alright” as you sit down with your back against the elevator wall, smoothing out the crinkles in your skirt. The others look at you with uncertainty. Eventually Reid decides to sit next to you, exchanging a soft smile. Morgan follows suit, sitting in front of you. Hotch remains standing. You leave him be and turn to Spencer.
“So Reid, I’m sure you’ve got enough interesting facts to pass the time.”
Spencer looks surprised by the request, not used to directly being asked to share his facts, but his eyes quickly brighten, eager to share. “Well, actually, there are a lot of interesting things to say about elevators. There are approximately 20 million elevators worldwide,” you chuckle at his obvious enthusiasm. “The first elevator was created in 236 B.C. by Archimedes, a Greek mathematician. He used a water wheel and tied animals together with rope to create a lift mechanism.” You hum in interest. “They used lifts in the Colosseum, right?”
“Yes! Exactly!” he responds excitedly. “The system was powered by eight men who would turn this massive wooden shaft connected to ropes. It could hold more than 600 pounds!”
“Oh come on,” Derek says, his hand falling to his knee. “You’re telling me you’re actually interested in the mechanics of ancient elevators?”.
Hotch glances at Morgan, silently agreeing with Derek’s skepticism.
“Derek Morgan…” you feign offense, placing a hand on your chest. “Don’t act like I’m not curious about knowledge. At least Spence’s got something interesting to say.”
Spencer blushes faintly, appreciating your defense.
“Hey, I know facts too,” Morgan says smugly. “How about there being 7000 languages in the world today.”
“The overall number is actually closer to 8000,” Spencer corrects him. “You only counted verbal communication.”
“You guys are going to have a facts competition now?” You ask, bewildered. “It’s way too hot in here. I need some light conversation.”
“I agree,” Hotch mutters. “It is getting a little warm.”
You glance up at the AC in the corner of the elevator, which is clearly not working. It probably shut down along with the power. There’s a brief silence before Reid speaks up again.
“I never thought I’d be trapped in an elevator with my colleagues,” he muses. “It’s a little cliché.”
“Cliche, how?” Hotch asks, intrigued despite himself.
“You know how, in movies, a group of people get stuck in an elevator and they have to learn to overcome their differences to escape?”
You shake your head in confusion, “I think I only know the dirty movies where they get stuck in an elevator,” you laugh.
Spencer blinks at you, clearly thrown off. Derek chuckles at the scene, and even Hotch manages a faint smile.
“I should’ve known you’ve only watched the dirty ones,” Derek teases.
“What about you, pretty boy? Ever seen a dirty movie?” He asks Spencer, grinning.
Reid looks flustered. “I grew up in Vegas… I’ve seen some things.”
“Ah, Vegas,” you say, sighing dreamily. “The place where you can’t drive for a minute without seeing a giant porn billboard.”
Morgan grins, leaning back with a satisfied sigh. “Sounds like my kind of place.”
You laugh and kick his leg playfully. Morgan winks at you, enjoying the lighthearted banter. You glance up at Hotch, who is still the only one standing.
“What about you, Hotch? What’s your favorite dirty movie?” You ask with a mischievous grin, but your expression quickly drops when you see his stern look.
“Watch it, Y/L/N.” Hotch warns.
“Come on, Hotch,” Derek says. “Let loose a little!”
“See it as the universe’s sign.” I press on.
“How is being stuck in here a sign of the universe?” Hotch asks, brows raised.
“Well, no way would you willingly take a break yourself. Now the universe got you stuck in here and is forcing you to relax,” you explain, with a playful gleam in your eyes.
To everyone’s surprise, he slowly lowers himself to the floor, sitting down next to you.
You exchange surprised looks with Derek and Spencer. All amazed at how you managed to get Hotch to sit down.
The next few minutes are spent in comfortable silence, scared to say something that will make Hotch change his mind. You’re glad he joined you, but it’s hard to ignore the rising temperature now that another person is sitting in close proximity to you.
“How long has it been?” you ask, fanning yourself with your blazer. “I’m starting to sweat.”
“Thirty-five minutes so far,” Derek replies, following your lead and fanning himself.
Hotch looks mildly uncomfortable, beads of sweat forming on his forehead. Spencer, however, looks the most miserable using the collar of his sweater vest to wipe his face.
“You guys should take your jackets off,” you suggest, eyeing Morgan and Hotch.
You don’t need to tell Derek twice, as he removes his jacket, revealing a black short sleeved shirt that looks a lot more comfortable. Hotch looks reluctant to do the same, but eventually gives in, loosening his tie and unbuttoning his shirt collar. You take a peak as he reveals his broad, muscled shoulders for a moment, before readjusting his shirt. Hotch notices your glance and his eyes shoot up to yours, catching you in the moment as your cheeks flush. You quickly look away.
“Oh, she’s enjoying the view, alright,” Derek smirks and you give him a warning glance.
“Shut up. I was just surprised Hotch would give in.”
Morgan grins and nudges Hotch with his elbow, “Look at that, Hotch. You’re surprising us all today. First you smile and now you’re taking your jacket off. What’s next, dancing a jig?” You and Spencer snort at his comment. Hotch rolls his eyes at Morgan’s teasing but can’t help a small smile from appearing on his lips.
Spencer struggles with his vest and you give him a hand. “Here, let me help you”, you say as you scoot closer, pulling the vest over his head. The fabric feels soft, but incredibly warm in your hands. You don’t know how he managed to keep it on for this long. Reid is taken aback for a moment, but mutters a soft thanks. Morgan and Hotch watch the exchange with interest, clearly amused at the sight of you being so forward with Reid.
“Now it’s your turn, you’re the one who insisted,” Morgan states, and you can’t help but agree as you take your blazer off, giving a satisfied hum at the immediate relief.
“I’ll open up some buttons too, if you don’t mind,” you announce as your fingers start working on your blouse. You don’t give them a chance to respond, since it seems only fair. Their eyes widen at your gesture, all of them staring at the sight of your blouse slightly opening up. Morgan lets out a low whistle, “Now that’s a nice view.”
“You’re insufferable,” you scoff as you stop unbuttoning, showing just a hint of your lacy bra. Morgan’s eyes linger on the sight, clearly enjoying the view. Hotch and Reid look like they’re struggling to keep their cool. Reid is the most flustered of all, turning bright red as he focuses on his hands. Morgan glances around at the others, seeing them struggle to keep themselves composed.
He chuckles and shakes his head, enjoying the effect you’re having on them. “You know, you’re driving all of us a little crazy here, sweetheart.”
You let out a small huff, “Give me a break. You’re wearing shortsleeves, I’m the one wearing a blouse.”
Hotch speaks up, his gaze lingering on your blouse. “That blouse does seem a bit warm.”
“Thank you!” You say, glad someone is on your side.
Hotch eyes stay focused on you though, or specifically the bit of exposed collarbone and the lace that’s hugged around the swell of your breast. Your breathing heaves when you find Spencer taking occasional peaks as well, watching with a mixture of awe and embarrassment, finding difficulty in looking away.
“Let’s just all take our shirts off, I want it to be fair”, you quickly exclaim, done with the heavy tension that’s driving you crazy. Hotch and Morgan exchange amused glances as Spencer eyes turn big, taking in your proposal.
“All our shirts, are you sure about that?” Derek asks, a hint of surprise in his voice.
“Then at least you won’t eye me like that.”
“Oh, I think I’ll eye you only more.” Derek teases, licking his lips.
“Just take your damn shirt off.”
Derek chuckles and raises his hands in surrender, “Alright, alright. No need to get feisty.” He says as he lifts his shirt off in a smooth motion. It’s a known fact that Derek is jacked, but seeing him in a setting like this, abs glistening with sweat and pupils still dilated from looking at you, is on a whole ‘nother level.
You’re glad the attention is taken away from your peering eyes as Hotch follows suit, unbuttoning his shirt, revealing a clearly defined muscular chest with just a hint of hair. You start doubting your suggestion as it feels like the room is only growing hotter. You look over at Spencer, seeing whether he’ll be the next. Spencer hesitates for a moment, his eyes darting between the other’s bare chests and your unbuttoned blouse. His chest heaving with his breath, suggesting that he’s more affected than he’s letting on.
“Come on, pretty boy. Join the party.” Derek says.
“I’ll go first,” you assure Spencer, not wanting him to suffer under peer pressure. Your hands start working on the buttons. Spencer’s eyes widened at the scene in front of him.
“See, it’s not that hard,” you reassure Spencer, folding your blouse and placing it next to you.
“I don’t know about that. You’re making things pretty hard, baby girl.” Morgan comments, making you laugh.
“You’re way too dirty for your own good.”
Morgan grins. “Can you blame me? I mean, look at you. You’re looking mighty tempting right now.”
You softly smile at the compliment and focus back on Spencer. “You’ll feel a lot cooler, I promise,” you encourage.
“I don’t know. I’m not as… toned as the others.” It hurts you to hear how he’s comparing himself to his colleagues.
“Do you truly think I care about that?” You ask him. “It’s not a competition. I just want you to feel comfortable,” you speak genuinely. Spencer looks up at you, his eyes searching yours for any signs of mockery or deception. When he finds none, his face softens and he nods. He lifts his shirt over his head, revealing a body no less impressive than the others.
“Not too bad, pretty boy. You’re looking pretty good without that vest on.” Derek compliments.
“You do,” You agree, as you fold his shirt and place it on top of my blouse. Spencer gives you a sheepish smile, grateful for your help. Glad he decided to take his shirt off as he felt the cool air hit his chest, “Yeah, that does feel better.”
You look around the room, the scene for sure one to be put down in the history books of the BAU. “I think it’s safe to say we’ve entered a new step in our colleague bonding,” you awkwardly chuckle, trying to lighten the mood but the air feels charged with an unspoken tension that’s impossible to ignore. You can feel their eyes on you, the way they linger, the weight of their gazes following your every movement. You try to ignore it, to stay professional, but your body betrays you. You shift slightly, adjusting your skirt, and that’s when you feel it - the subtle brush of Hotch’s fingers caressing your arm.
You swallow hard as you look away. The air around you is suddenly too tight. You want to curse your body as your nipples harden under his steady gaze, there being no way to blame it on the cold. Derek notices the exchange and leans in, the heat between you two palpable.
His voice is low and husky, “You're all worked up, sweetheart. Don’t think we haven’t noticed.”
Your pulse quickens, the sound of your heartbeat almost drowning out his words. “I’m not the only one,” you counter, voice quieter, but the challenge in it is unmistakable. You feel Spencer shift next to you, his body tense as he feels like he’s been caught staring at your chest. “Don’t be shy, genius,” Derek teases. “We’re all thinking the same thing right now.” You can’t help but smile at Spencer’s flustered look. “It’s… It’s hard not to, when you-” He cuts himself off, his voice faltering as his eyes dart away from your breasts.
Hotch is still standing by the door, his eyes narrowing slightly as he watches the dynamic play out. “We’ve been stuck in here long enough. I think it’s safe to say we all want and feel the same thing.” The air thickens with desire as he dares to say the thought that’s been occupying everyone’s mind. You glance at the others, seeing how Spencer is adjusting himself in his pants and the way Derek is watching you, his gaze so intense it almost feels like he’s touching you.
“Guess it’s only fair if we all just… give in to it,” you murmur, your eyes flicking between them. The suggestion is there, unspoken but understood.
From there on everything feels like a blur. You hear Hotch growl behind you as he wraps his bicep around your neck, pulling you in as his lips crash against yours. You whimper against his mouth, which gives him the opportunity to let his tongue slide in. You welcome his tongue with yours as your hand moves to squeeze the arm around your neck, making full use of the circumstances to feel up on his muscles.
“You’re always driving me crazy when wearing this skirt,” Hotch groans in your ear as his teeth pull on your earlobe. You can find no other way to respond than let out a high pitched sound of enjoyment as his free hand kneads your ass through your pencil skirt. Spencer watches the scene unfold in front of him. How his boss roughly grabs and kisses you, manhandling you.
“I- I don’t know about this…” Spencer stammers.
Morgan turns to him, breaking the intense gaze he had on you and Hotch. “Don’t worry Reid, she’s enjoying it.”
“Are you sure?” Spencer asks, uncertainty in his voice as Hotch is pulling on your hair, giving him access to plant kisses and bites on your neck.
Morgan grins, “Let me show you how sure I am,” he says as he steps towards you and Hotch. He rolls your skirt up to your stomach and lets his fingers slide over your panties, cursing when it easily slips between your folds, creating a wet sound. You moan at the friction, not in the state to feel embarrassed by how wet you are.
“See Reid, she loves it,” Derek points out, licking his lips as he pulls your damp panties to the side. Spencer lets out a groan as Derek reveals your glistening pussy, his hand subconsciously squeezing the bulge in his pants for any form of release.
“Let me see,” Hotch insists, removing his lips from your neck. Derek slides a finger through your folds and proudly displays the stickiness to Hotch.
“You’re such a little slut, aren’t you?,” Hotch whispers, his nose pressed against the side of your face. “Just been begging to get in a situation like this so we could all fuck you the way you deserve.” You whimper at his dirty words and hot breath on your skin. Your legs feel like jelly as he grinds himself against your ass. Derek continues to apply pressure with his hand as he lets his fingers rub up and down your lips and clit.
Spencer’s eyes are burning holes in your chest. He just can’t understand how no one has touched your lovely tits, while they’ve been teasing him the entire time.
“You can come here Spence,” you purr, hypnotizing him to walk towards you. He swallows as he’s close enough to touch you, close enough to hear all the little sounds you’re making as you’re being touched all over.
“Can I-?” You don’t let Spencer finish his question as you quickly nod, throwing your head back as his finger grazes over your nipple, sending a direct spark of pleasure to your clit.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispers mostly to himself in awe as he cups your breast, the shape fitting perfectly in his large hand.
“Thank you,” you whisper back. It’s ironic how his sweet compliment is the thing that's making you shy.
Derek slips a finger inside of you with ease, and you bite your lip to hold back your mewls. “Don’t do that. I like the way you sound.” Spencer encourages, resulting in another moan from you, loving the effect his words have on you.
Hotch unclasps your bra from behind and Spencer helps him by pulling your straps down, letting your breasts fall free. Hotch grabs your left breast, kneading it with his strong, calloused hands as he rolls your nipple in between his fingers. Spencer uses the momentary distraction to bend down and experimentally licks your nipple, humming at the sensation. He gives a couple more licks to your breast as he pulls your nipple in between his lips, sucking on it as he flicks his tongue against the sensitive bud.
You feel overwhelmed by the way all of your erogenous zones are stimulated at once; Hotch licking and biting on your neck and ear, while massaging your breast and grinding his hardness against your ass. Spencer’s swollen lips and wet tongue tracing over your nipple as Derek caresses your thighs as he adds a second finger into your pussy. You realize that this is what pleasure is supposed to be like. The zones on your body are all connected and you haven’t experienced true bliss until those spots get triggered at the same time.
“Morgan, is she ready?” Hotch asks, breathing heavily.
“More than ready, sir,” Derek grins as he takes a step back. He lets his fingers slide out of you, making you whimper at the loss of contact, but then Hotch turns you around so that your chest is pressed up against the elevator doors where he was standing.
“I need you for myself,” he groans. Derek tosses a condom from his jeans and Hotch catches it, ripping the package with his teeth while pulling his trousers down to his knees, not wanting to let a single moment go to waste. Your hands are pressed against the wall as he slowly enters you.
“Oh my god… I feel so full,” you whine and you swear you could feel him grin as you register that he’s not even fully inside of you. You let out a long breath as you feel his balls make contact with your ass.
“You’re doing okay there, princess?” Derek chuckles and you nod. Hotch slowly moves his length out of you as he slams his hips back in with a groan. You gasp as you wrap your hand around the back of his head, keeping yourself steady as he continues thrusting into you. His growls feel hot against your neck. His sweaty chest pressed up against your back, leaving you completely in his grasp.
“You feel that angel? How your pussy swallows my cock?” You let out a cry as you nod your head in agreement.
“I don’t understand Y/N. You’re a big girl, use your words.”
“Oh god…’’ Your head spins as he pounds into you. “I’m not going to tell you again Y/N, use your words.” He orders.
“Yes!’’ you cry out. ‘’God yes Aaron, it feels so good. I can feel you so deep inside of me.”
“Say my name again.” He moans as his hand trails down your stomach until it reaches your swollen bud. “Aaron, please… I’m so, so close.” He gives some quick taps to your clit, making you squirm in pleasure as your knees give out. His strong hands grip you by the waist and he hoists you back up on his dick. “I’m almost there honey, you can keep it up, be good for me.”
You let out a string of whines as he uses the palm of his hand to swiftly move against your folds, indirectly bringing pleasure to your clit. You can’t take it any more, pressing your nails into his arms as you crouch down in front of him, shaking as your release hits you. Hotch groans loudly as his dick slips out of your pussy. His dick twitches as he takes off the condom, painting your back with hot spurts of cum.
You have your eyes closed, trying to catch your breath as you’re still riding down your orgasm. You hum as you feel the soft material of Spencer’s sweater vest against your back, cleaning you up.
“You okay?” Spencer asks, kneeled in front of you. You nod your head and softly smile at his tenderness.
“Yeah. I feel really, really good.” You answer, making Spencer return your smile. With him in front of you, you notice the visible outline of his bulge pressed against his thigh and reach out to touch it. Your fingers lightly brush over his length, causing him to shudder.
“Do you want me to take care of you?” You ask sensually, looking in his eyes.
“Not really,” he responds, taking you by surprise. He sees your expression and quickly corrects himself. “It’s not like I don’t want you to! I’d- I’d love you to do…”, he’s not actually sure what you planned on doing to him. “Whatever you would do. I just-,” his voice softens, meeting your gaze. “I really need to know what you taste like.”
Your cheeks warm, feeling your arousal grow. “Okay,” you exhale. Spencer extends his hand, helping you up. You find your blazer and bundle it up for Spencer to lay his head on. You’re amazed at how willing he is to get down on the floor, ready to eat you out in a very nontraditional and arguable unsanitized way. You hover over his face as you get down on your knees, letting out a hum as his breath tingles your pussy. Spencer kneads your calves and runs his hands up the back of your thighs. He tilts his head up, placing a wet kiss on your inner thigh.
“Feels good,” you mumble. Spencer responds with a hum against your skin, the vibration causing you to moan. He grabs your thighs, slowly pulling them further apart. “I can’t wait to taste you,” he admits, sticking out his tongue and licking a stripe up your folds. You moan, arching your back. Through hooded eyes you spot the figure of Hotch. He’s sitting against the wall in front of you, lazily stroking his half hard length as he stares at you.
Just when you were about to question where Morgan was, you catch him in your periphery. He holds your gaze as he approaches, coming to a stop right in front of you. His belt buckle hangs open, but it doesn’t look like he’s touched himself.
“If you don’t mind, I’d really like to take up on that offer genius here denied.” You grin at him, hands reaching out to his belt. Spencer is keeping himself busy, licking and sucking up your juices. You pull Derek’s pants down, gasping as his dick springs free, slapping against his happy trail. You groan in delight as you wrap your hand around his shaft. He tilts his head back at the contact. “Fuck baby, your hands feel so warm and soft.” You lean forward and let some of your spit dribble down on his dick, making him hiss. You move your thumb in circles over his tip, mixing your saliva with his precum. When it feels like it’s wet enough, you move your hand up and down his length in a steady motion.
His tip grows red and you cannot resist licking your lips before putting your mouth on him. He feels heavy in your mouth as you take him in deeper, stimulating him with your tongue as you suck. His hands tangle in your hair, holding you as he moves in sync with your movements.
Spencer moves a hand up the curve of your ass while he uses the other to unbuckle his belt. He slides his hand in his pants, rubbing himself over his boxers as he relishes in your taste. His lips nibble on your labia as his nose tickles against your clit.
“Don’t get distracted, baby girl,” Derek states, softly pushing your head back down. You swallow around him and try to up your pace. Derek takes your breast in his hand, massaging it. As your nipples harden he takes one in between his fingers, pulling on it. You gasp at the sensation, making his dick slide deeper down your throat.
“Fuck! Right there baby, that feels so good,” he pants. You blink away tears, continuing the steady movement of your head and swirls of your tongue.
Spencer’s dick starts feeling too hot in his boxers and he pulls it out, so that it lays against his stomach. Your pussy is absolutely dripping because of the swipes of Spencer’s tongue and the taste of Derek in your mouth. Spencer can’t keep up with licking you clean, your wetness dripping down his chin. He reaches out to grab his length, the skin to skin contact overstimulating him.
You notice Spencer getting restless underneath you. Derek’s dick pops out of your mouth. “Are you okay, Spence?” You ask. He hums against your clit in response, you let out a high pitched moan and instinctively bend your knees. “Sorry,” you apologize as you want to tilt your hips back up, but Spencer pulls you back down by your thighs, making you sit on his face.
“Oh god…” You moan as he starts devouring you. He keeps a hand firm on your ass as he starts jerking himself off to the beautiful sounds that you’re making. You lazily tug on Derek’s cock, too distracted by Spencer’s tongue.
“Oh Spencer, I’m going to cum,” you whimper, mouth open and brows furrowed in pleasure. You start grinding yourself on his tongue, seeking your release. You find the perfect spot and Spencer presses the tip of his tongue against your clit, as you fall undone. Spencer laps up your juices and squeezes the load out of his dick as it splatters on his belly. You lift your hips to give Spencer some space. He moves away, joining you on his knees as he sits behind you, pressing featherlight kisses to your back.
“I’m not gonna last that much longer,” Derek announces, who’s been stroking himself to your orgasm. “Come here, then,” you invite as you take him back in your mouth. Placing a hand on his thigh for support, you use all of the energy that is left in you to suck him off. Your free hand reaches out to play with his balls, which seems to be the trigger for him.
“Fuck, Y/N, baby, I’m going to cum!” He groans deeply as he fills your mouth. You quickly swallow his load, eyes watering as he pulls you in by your head, needing your lips on him as he rides out the aftershocks.
“Fuck… You’re amazing, sweetheart.” He sighs, letting go of your hair so that you can catch your breath.
-
“Who the hell is in there?”
The voice outside is sharp and gruff. Everyone’s heads whip around, startled. Hotch swiftly buckles his belt as he strides towards the elevator doors.
“This is SSA Aaron Hotchner of the BAU. I’m stuck here with three of my agents.”
The voice responds quickly, dripping with disbelief. "Why didn’t you morons use the emergency button?"
Your colleagues look at each other, then shift their gaze to you, all with accusing looks plastered on their faces.
"Hey, don’t look at me! I’m the first one that pressed the red button!" You say in defense.
The voice outside huffs in frustration. "Red? It's a black button."
You blink in surprise, your gaze snapping to the panel. You crawl up to get a better look, and sure enough, there's a black button, boldly labeled ‘EMERGENCY.’
"What in the world?" you mutter under your breath. "Then what the hell is the red button for?!"
The voice outside laughs sarcastically. "How the hell am I supposed to know? I’ve been working here for six months. Don’t blame me because you can’t read." He pauses, clearly shaking his head. "FBI agents, my ass."
You blink in disbelief. You share an incredulous glance with Derek, then burst out laughing, your frustration giving way to amusement. "Seriously?" you mutter, shaking your head.
Derek notices how Spencer’s been unusually quiet. “Speak up, kid,” he urged.
“I’ve known what the buttons do the entire time,” he says, voice casual.
You and Hotch both turn to look at him, eyes wide. “What?!” You both exclaim at the same time.
Spencer shrugs, a playful glint in his eyes. “I told you about those movies where people overcome their differences to try to escape. I wanted to see how we would solve it.”
Derek’s mouth drops open. “You’ve been sitting here the whole time knowing exactly what to do and didn’t say anything?!”
Spencer smiles, looking almost proud of himself. “It’s a team-building exercise,” he says matter-of-factly. “Don’t tell me that you didn’t enjoy it.”
You shake your head, laughing in disbelief. “You’re unbelievable, Reid.”
As if on cue, the elevator jolts, and the soft ding of the doors opening fills the space.
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