#why force myself to play a game when i can watch a movie of someone else playing it you know?

[notthewriteryourelookingfor]

Listen: School forced you to read books you didn't want to.

Don't continue that shitty practice.

If it does not spark joy, do not force yourself through it.

If you need to know the ending but hate actually reading it go online & see if someone wrote out a full synopsis.

people will read books they Do Not Like™ and then wonder why they hate reading

[pizzabox-box]

I needed to force myself not to write this until you posted the next DMW part lol, I love this story but I feel like it's going too fast

Blind Man's Bluff, Part Four

Theirs was the last car left in the drive-in theater. The movie was turning out extremely well, and they were on the final three scenes. Doise had thought WAR would be the most stressful scene to film, but oh boy, had Pizzascare given him anxiety. At least they were at the home stretch now.

He stared blankly at the laptop he had on the dashboard. Since Fake Peppino was out of the picture, or at least hadn't shown his face since his restaurant burned down, Doise had to put some serious thought into how this boss rush was going to play out. He sighed and looked over at Noisette. She had fallen asleep in the passenger seat about fifteen minutes before the film as it stood had ended. He knew Noise was lurking somewhere nearby, watching her like a hawk, but he hadn't felt Peddito anywhere all day. That made him nervous.

He noticed the light of the full moon dim and immediately went on edge. He barely had time to spin around before he heard a door creak open and saw a tall, skinny figure backflip onto the car. Oh boy. It was the beanpole. This might actually be trouble.

Doise shot an accusing finger at Pizzahead. "Look pal, I'm not in the mood for your games! Now get your dirty boots off my paint job before I get not so friendly with you!" The mascot giggled. "Ooh, aren't you a feisty one! It's nice to not know what to expect from someone for once. Well, you can relax now, buddy!" Doise decidedly did not relax. "What do you mean?" Pizzahead laughed and pulled out a remote control. "Well, let's see!"

Gesturing to the screen, he rewinded to the fight between the two gremlins. Doise immediately tensed up, and Pizzahead put his arm around him in a gesture of familiarity he had no right to have. "When my cameras showed me what you did to that freak's pizzeria, I admit you caught my interest! For once, I had to really do some pretty significant research to figure out what was happening." With a click of a button, the camera zoomed in on the combatants' faces as they grappled. He paused on the very frame one man got yanked backwards by a barely perceptible pink smudge, so barely present that even on film, its existence was easy to question. The dust-covered, bloody man's eyes practically glowed a vibrant red, and his expression was filled with a bewildered, abstract terror. Pizzahead whispered in the terrified Doise's ear: "You're not quite mortal, are ya?"

Doise looked into his eyes. "So now what? Are you going to tell everyone who I really am? Let me get mauled by the mob?" Pizzahead shrugged and waved one hand in a dismissive manner. "Why would I? The show's only just getting good!" He grinned wickedly and looked at Noisette, still fast asleep and dreaming sweetly. "In fact, it would be a lot more exciting if you weren't constantly chained to this doll's side, don't you think?"

Noise and Noisette twirled beautifully across the dance floor. She giggled happily as he dipped her. He danced with a passion she had never known, which was impressive given the feats they had preformed at their wedding. He stared at her with the deepest love a man could ever feel, though Noisette thought she could see a trace of sorrow in his eyes as he danced and sang.

You can dance every dance for the one who gives you the eye, let him hold you tight, you can smile every smile for the one who holds your hand in the pale moonlight, just don't forget who's taking you home, and in whose arms you're gonna be, so darling, save the last dance for me!

With that, he swooped her up and kissed her with a deep passion. As she closed her eyes and leaned into the kiss, she thought she could hear the priest's voice leading the ceremony: "...in sickness and in health, until death do you part?" They came up for air, and Noise gently caressed the side of her face. "Hazel, my love, my life, I won't ever stop loving you, even after my heart stops and turns cold as stone," he told her, staring in her eyes with a love that couldn't be described, though it was tainted by heartbreak.

Noisette was suddenly filled with a sense of extreme dread. Something wasn't right. She clung close to her husband, chilled by a fear she couldn't explain. Without warning, he shoved her backwards, knocking her on her back. She sat up, incredulous - just in time to see Noise get splashed with a strange substance from overhead. It had the consistency of thin mud, and looked like blood mixed with a blue-gray plaster. Noise fell to his hands and knees, inexplicably weakened.

Noisette reached out to him - then scampered backwards as she saw the clay start wrapping itself around him, swiftly enveloping him in the otherworldly slime. He struggled against it, seemingly trying to escape, but his eyes were filled with a knowing despair. He had known this was going to happen. He stared at her mournfully.

Noisette started forward again, determined that time. "Theo!" she called, stepping forward. Noise put a hand up. "Hazel, stop. I need you to listen to me carefully," he said. She stopped. He had never sounded this serious before. "Don't get close to me. Be wary of anything I do for you. I will love you for eternity, but you can't trust me anymore. It's way too dangerous for you to be near me. And whatever happens." He almost looked like a statue now. His mouth was covered by the clay, but his scarlet eyes stared into her soul, grieving as if he was the widow rather than the deceased. His voice seemed to come from her heart.

"I'm. Not. Me."

The blue-gray figure rose to its feet and approached her, blood red cape fluttering despite the absence of wind. Blue and pink lights flashed furiously around her before fading into yellow and orange, the screaming void behind the mask seemed to be calling her name, drawing her in to her destruction -

She awoke with a scream, looking around her at the unfamiliar surroundings. A hand gently grabbed her own, and a voice attempted to soothe her. "Hey, hey, hey, what happened? Are you ok?" She turned and saw Noise in the driver's seat beside her. That's right, they were at the drive-in theater. So had it all been a dream? She sobbed her sorrows into her husband's chest as he rubbed her back. He reassured her it was all going to be ok.

Later that night, she rolled over to look at him, fast asleep in the bed beside her. She fidgeted with the new necklace he had given her, making her promise never to take it off. She felt horrible about it, but something about Noise was making her feel like something was wrong. She tried to push those thoughts aside. You mustn't think things like that! He's been so devoted to you, and anyway, it was just a dream, right?

"I'm. Not. Me."

...right?

previous part

Another part already??? 👀👀👀👀

The dream sequence was genuiely heartbreaking :( You nailed Pizzahead's character very well! Wonder what he's planning , also the necklace seems deeply suspicious .

Either way, I'm excited to see where this will go 👀 keep cooking!

Once again, thank you so much for continuing this series :D

[jessequinones]

Writing Advice: Getting Over Writer's Block

It seems like every writer has talked about writer's block at least once, and I’m surprised, at least from what I could tell, that I haven’t spoken about this. The truth is that I don’t know how to get over writer's block, at least not regularly.

Writers' Block differs from person to person, and what helps someone might not help you. The least I can do is talk about some of the writer's blocks I go through, hoping that some of the stuff I do might benefit you.

Why am I not writing?

This is the first question I ask myself. Is it because I’m dealing with trauma and burned out? Is it because I’m creating a new story and don’t know what to put on paper? Is it because I’m distracted by a new video game? Whatever the reason, figuring out why I’m not writing is the first step. Below are some common reasons why I stopped writing and how I handled them.

I’m depressed!

A lot of my writing slumps are because I’m either depressed or dealing with trauma in a way that prevents me from writing. Some people say writing is an excellent way to deal with trauma, and for that, I agree...it just doesn’t work for me all of the time.

If I’m going through a depressive episode, I can’t write. No matter how much I want to. Instead of forcing myself to push through this, I need time to recharge and relax.

I play video games, watch shows or movies, just do something for a week or two and just recharge and deal with my depression and trauma in a healthy way. I know I haven’t written anything in two weeks and want to, but once I get myself out of this cycle, I can get back to it.

I never found that pushing through my slump and just writing for the sake of writing was helpful. If anything, whenever I try to push through my depressive episode and write, I often get mad at my writing, which only makes the situation worse.

If your body tells you to take some time off and relax, I find it best to listen. Don’t fight your body; take a holiday, relax, and do something fun. Do whatever you have to recharge; when you feel better, you can return to your writing.

I just don’t know what to put on my paper!

I get this. Whenever I start a new story, I go through this a lot. Writing is hard. Creating ideas, stories, and characters is difficult when starting at square one. I’m writing this instead of my newest book simply because I don’t know what to put in it.

Authors create many different ways and techniques to help them escape this struggle, but writing something completely different often works for me. If I don’t know how to start a story, I fill out some character bios or do some world-building. If I don’t know what to put in this chapter, I go to the next one and move on. Suppose I’m having difficulty creating a new story from scratch where I don’t know the characters, world, lore, or anything. I often make a folder and put down straightforward things. Character A, B, dragons, fighting, and just leave it like that. This way, I can trick my brain into saying I’m working on this story; I know I don’t have much, but at least I have something.

Within those folders, I also just start putting random things in every once in a while, such as Character A...happy...short...something...it’s not much. Often times, Character A ends up becoming none of those things, but by putting even the randomness of things in a folder, I tell myself, yes, I’m writing, even if it’s by small amounts, I’m still writing.

Other times, I get upset if I haven’t written anything down for a while. To mitigate this, I write something that’s not related at all to what I want to write about, like creating writing advice articles! Or I might write a stupid letter to no one or express that I’m angry in a poem. I write for the sake of writing. Sometimes, if I struggle to write a story, writing something completely different helps my brain. How does that work? I’m not sure, but all I know is that it does.

Creating a little side project, something you can jump to whenever you’re stuck with your primary goal, helps me. Honestly,it’s why I created writing articles in the first place. Sometimes, your little side projects might take over your main writing for the next month or two, and honestly, I don’t think that’s a bad thing. If you need to take a break from your main writing project, you must take a break. If creating something on the side will help you with your creativity, go for it.

Other times, if I’m struggling, and it’s been like 1-2 weeks of not writing where I can’t seem to put anything down on paper. I write a simple word. Maybe it’s one word in the chapter I’m struggling with or one word in a character's bio. However, I’m telling myself I’m doing my best. It may be slow, but I’m doing my best, and when I’m ready, I’ll figure out more words to put down later.

I’m not good enough!

Sometimes, I get discouraged from writing when I notice others who seem to be achieving so much. My imposter syndrome often makes me hard on myself, and I believe my words are pathetic or cringe-worthy and that I should give up.

It’s challenging not to compare yourself to others, especially if you view them on a much higher pedestal than you. At times like these, I often reflect on where I came from. I kept a lot of my old writings from when I was young, and I chuckle as I try to figure out just what I was saying in those stories.

I look at the past to see how far I came along in the present, and while this doesn’t get rid of my imposter syndrome, it sometimes gets me out of it for just a moment to get me back into writing. If you can look back at your old writing and believe it’s horrible, then you know you’ve improved along your journey, and that’s great. You might be stuck now, but you’ve improved once, and you’ll do it again.

Writer's block is different for everyone, and you might experience writer's block in a way that I haven’t mentioned. If you’re struggling with this, I can give you one more piece of advice: simply chat with others. I’m a part of several writer's groups, and I enjoy talking with them or getting others to read my stories. And they could inform me what things they liked and didn’t like about my stories, and sometimes that might help me get out of my writing slump.

I engage in friendly conversations or debates. And sometimes, I chat about nothing in particular. I know we all write alone, but it’s good to know you're not alone in writing. Others are creating their stories alongside you, and cheering you on while you cheer them on is one of the greatest motivators I discovered. And I get that you might be an introvert and not want to socialise, or socialising takes a lot of energy. Many writers are introverts, so we understand the struggle of talking to others. Good writing groups won’t pick on you for not socialising. Good writing groups will encourage you to keep going. I know writing groups have their clicks and dramas, just like every online space, and talking in a place where there may be hundreds of people is scary. But if you can find a few people you click with, speak with them privately. Having a writing buddy and writing friends, even if it’s one or two, is a great way to get out of writing slumps.

That’s all I have about getting over writer's block; it’s a topic that doesn’t have a concrete answer because what works for someone might not work for you, and what does work for you one day might not work a second day. Just know it’s okay if your writing takes longer than you thought. Even professional writers struggle with this; you’re not alone. Take your time, take a breath, and I’m looking forward to seeing what you create in the future.

[pestorik]

can you please expand on deuce/riddle ??? im rlly curious abt them tgt in your AU,,,,

(if you have the time i would also love to read abt azurid & mallerid :D ! no pressure though! im mostly interested in deurid ^^)

the riddle ship trifecta...

i enjoy them bc i think riddle really needs a calm presence in his life that makes him feel like he can act in ways he never had the freedom to do before, without feeling judged or made fun of. whether that is acting childish and silly or just expressing emotion freely. he's obviously really sensitive to being teased so he needs someone who is ok with that and just finds joy in his joy.

i relate to this a lot bc i myself am a very sensitive person, and get emotional really easy but im also very cynical and dry, so i think ppl see that contrast and find it funny. which is fine, but i get hurt or annoyed really easily by teasing bc i think what i really want is for someone to see how easily i get emotional (like crying at almost every movie i watch) and rather than seeing it as smth weird and funny, they recognize my empathy as something good. i want someone to see the value and worth in my emotions, no matter how trivial they seem.

and i think riddle needs that too. deuce isnt super smart but i think he's really earnest and riddle would appreciate that about him. he shows a lot of self awareness in recognizing how his past actions hurt his mom, and realizing he needs to be proactive if he wants to be a better person. very few ppl are willing to admit when they are the problem. he's just a very soft guy, but like, passionately soft. he wants so bad to be good. and i think he would want so badly for riddle to be happy, it would become really important to him just like his mom's happiness.

malleus is super honest about his intentions, which i think riddle needs bc his lack of social skills leave him anxious. he probably would get too frustrated having to play games and guess feelings. malleus just has a super calming presence and riddle needs that so bad. i think they are both pretty awkward bc of their upbringing so maybe they could find comfort in each other, knowing there's no judgement.

azul is none of these things lol 😂 i do NOT think these 2 would be a perfect healthy couple but i enjoy their dynamic. riddle is sensitive ofc but hes also super smart which is why i like the thought of them together. the two top students, not really in a competitive way, more like they recognize each other's weaknesses but also highly respect each other. to the point that they wouldnt ever make a move against the other. i could see them having a more loving relationship but in my mind they are more like a power couple lmao. like two powerhouses joining forces. i do think seeing riddle trying to overcome his own trauma and be a nicer person could inspire azul to do smth similar, realizing that if he likes and respects riddle, there must be some value in kindness without reward.

none of these would be canon in the AT au unfortunately, at least not in my mind (you can do whatever you like with it tho, it also doesnt mean i wont still talk/draw about it). there would definitely still be interactions among them with plenty of room for interpretation. obviously the most between deuce and riddle bc they are both HL.

i could see an episode where riddle recruits deuce to help him repair one of the elephant guardians (since deuce is good at repairing stuff) and they become closer. bc deuce used to get up to a lot of trouble he also has a lot knowledge of some of the rougher parts of the kingdom (im referring to deuces former crew as the spoiled fruit gang) and probably accompanies riddle when he needs to go there. riddle might sometimes go to deuce for advice on his relationship w his mother, since deuce is close w his mom. it would be cute if deuces mom came to really adore riddle and gave him a lot of the experiences he didnt get w his own mother.

[xshybutdeadlyx]

Questions for the demiromantic and demisexuals out there

Ok, so I've recently found this term thanks to an aroace character from a show I watched. I knew of the sexuality but I didn't really know the specifics because I always thought I was bi but now looking into it I didn't know how aroace was like a literal umbrella and there was so much more to it then meets the eye. Which I'm 30 I feel like I should know more than what I do. But with doing research into it trying to understand it better, I learned about all the terms, and I learned about demiromantic and demisexual and it really resonated with me. But I wanted to ask for advice, I guess? Like I like romance I love reading it seeing art and what have you but when it comes to romance for myself I'm not a big fan? And maybe it's because I literally have to unlearn so much romance equals a, b, and c when that's not really true. I literally been in only one relationship in my life and it consisted of hand holding small kisses (no tongue, honestly I have an ick with spit and the only reason I "wanted" to do deeper kisses with the boyfriend I had at the time was because I felt like it was a requirement) but I honestly didn't feel attraction towards him until after getting to know him and being friends with him for months well into almost a year. And he's the only one I ever felt that way for I hardly ever had crushes or when I did I almost kinda forced myself into having them if that makes sense? It was "natural," and every kid was supposed to have crushes. Nothing ever came from the "crushes" though.

Now, like I said, I'm well into my 30s, and the relationship I just mentioned was the only relationship romantic wise I've ever had. I have had strong feelings for two of the friends I have but one friend is straight as they come and the other is married lol the one that is married though we have a strong bond that I wouldn't trade anything for. She tickles my hand, and she lets me cuddle her all the time, and we just spend nights just playing games together, just like when we were in high school. I love her so damn much, and I'll cherish what we have even when we are both dead and gone. She is my forever person.

Sorry, I went into a mini rant about my platonic love, but she's the best, and when I start talking about her, I have to gush lol, but anyways back to my sexuality crisis

So anyways, when there is even a chance of someone having an interest in me, I honestly kind of freak out. Or like if someone tries to set me up with someone, red neon flashing warning signs pop up for me. I don't know that person, and honestly, I get put off by big romantic gestures. Like, I appreciate it, but I don't think it's necessary? Can we just go get McDonald's, sit in the parking lot, and just shoot the shit? Play some games? We can watch movies or shows too.

I've also been on the dating websites and such as well, and I'm just always immediately put off. "Hello beautiful," ugh. "Insert pickup line here." please God why. "Unsolicited romantic or sexual advances right after a day of talking." Haha, no. There was literally one guy I thought was cool and we kinda flirted but it was really just talking everyday about the games we were playing I feel like if given time a connection could of been built but he ended up finding someone else immediately. Which honestly was fine I was kinda bummed but like if he wanted romance immediately, I wasn't gonna be giving that to him. I wanted to still be friends, but apparently, we had "too much history," so he ended up blocking me. lol oh well.

I've also literally only have had two "crushes" in like in a 5 year time span (only because this is what I can remember lol) one of em was so goofy and seemed so fun but then it seems like they turned out to be very self absorbed instantly done the other had baby mama drama wasn't into that. Honestly, those things seem to be things that could be worked through? Maybe? But once I just see something off-putting, it's all I see, which seems more like a personal thing because of past traumas.

As of now I'm honestly content with no romantic relationship but I feel like I do want one but I don't want one with just anyone and it just doesn't seem like many people out there are willing to wait or willing to be friends first and want to hop into relationships immediately when I very much don't. It takes me a while to be comfortable with people, and I want to get to know them as a person.

For a long time I felt like I just wasn't doing things right or that I had to actually change something that I was doing. I thought I was wrong or that I should just force myself into the uncomfortable situation of being someone's girlfriend immediately but then if it turns out I just don't have those romantic feelings then there the whole process of hurting them which is just anxiety inducting.

Also, with all that I'm saying, it does go into the demisexual portion, too. I've still never been with someone sexually because even in the one relationship I have had, I haven't met someone I've trusted to give myself to. The thought of one night stands or anything of the like just makes me wanna crawl into myself. I don't mind anything sexual but I want to be with someone sexually that I trust and care about with my whole being, not some dude Craig or some chick Wendy from Tinder. I'm content with that, but a lot of the times, I'm almost made to feel bad because I haven't done anything sexual. But boy, can I read all the smut on Ao3. Like it all in theory, but dunno about in practice lol I just don't have much of a drive in general, but I don't know if that's just because I've never been with anyone before? I keep getting told, "As soon as you're with someone, your sex drive changes," and like, does that shit really happen? Lol

All in all, I really feel connected to the terms demiromantic and demisexual. Even when I just said I'm bi, it just never felt right, but for once, I feel like I finally found something that I felt connected to and finally found me. But I guess I also wanna feel like I'm right in assuming so? I dunno I feel like it'd be disrespectful in using a label that isn't really you? Which doesn't sound right because everyone has the right to find themselves, and sometimes people go through a list until they finally find themselves, which is what's happening to me right now. But my feelings also just get jumbled up and I have a hard time distinguishing what's been conditioned in me, like how you date, you get into a relationship, ya do couple things, then you get married ect. When all I wanna do is get to know you, really know you, then actually date but even then I feel like a lot of my stuff is more on the platonic end? Like, I like cuddling and kissing, and I do like romance but on a more tame level? I kick my feet when reading "he bought her all these extravagant gifts then he swept her off her feet and dipped her into a kiss" so cute but like if I was actually in that situation like bro put me down for real and I'm so awkward when given gifts lol

I dunno I'd just would really like to discuss this with others who have found themselves because I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this. I've talked to my friends and they of course support me and love me but I feel like they don't really get it? And my family just chalks it up to " Ya just don't have a lot of experience it'll all change when ya get out there and mingle with people"

Thanks in advance for reading all this if ya made it this far I know it's a lot of word vomit as I like to call it but I don't have very organized thoughts and I just kinda write what I'm thinking in the moment lol

[ordinarydoodles]

We don't talk about that

Maybe you'll be okay with it now People change, after all. Everyone changes. But I remember how I saw drag queens for the first time on some dumb daytime talk show And I remember thinking "That's weird but as long as they're happy" Until you sat down and calmly told me that they were not evil, but what they were doing was a sin Talking in your teacher voice I was confused, but I nodded anyways Wasn't a sin supposed to hurt someone? I remember how you watched the Oscars in a furious rage the year Brokeback Mountain came out Curled stone-stiff like a gargoyle at the edge of the couch, And how you sat back with a satisfied huff and said "Good, that's the way it should be" when it didn't win Best Picture You don't even care about the Oscars It wasn't even a good movie, it was just boring and sad and no one got a happy ending But, like, it's not about sad films about men kissing, or sins that don't hurt anyone It's not about women in wigs It's not even about hate It's about the ones called the fathers going out and living lives and the ones called the mothers saying home and getting fucked It's about the boy cousins getting multitools and girl cousins getting bath sets It's about me cracking a joke in first grade and the teacher going "quiet!" And a boy two seats over cracking the exact same joke five minutes later and the teacher laughing It's about someone taking you and forcing you, step by excruciating step, to recognize dirt and clean it, anticipate hunger and feed it, see a grown-ass adult man and know that your five-year-old child self is responsible for his care and upkeep whining and fighting and complaining every step of the way (while the boy cousins play Nintendo) and then later they have the nerve to tell you that women are naturally caretakers. It's about how I'm still not exactly sure if the devil scooped out my brain and stuck a stranger behind my eyes, someone who would adorn themselves in long lashes and hunger pangs, if you would even notice It's about how, until I was 19, the only words I had to describe myself were "girl, but wrong" It's about this guy randomly telling me he had feelings for me and me not feeling anything at all towards him, not one thing, not love or curiosity or boredom or disinterest or pity not one thing and I said "okay" because I didn't know what else to say (turns out that was the wrong thing to say) It's about being body-checked out of the way when some guy lurches forward to pull open the door that I was just about to open and he holds it open like he's announcing the fucking pope and he's half blocking the doorway and then he kind of glares at me when I sort of awkwardly wriggle past him and don't make eye contact and don't say thank you I didn't ask to play a bit part in your street theater improv I definitely didn't ask to be typecast It's about how being a woman makes you less of a man And you can always be less of a man But you can never be less of a woman It's about a game that isn't fun and no one wins and everyone has to play it forever And no one is willing to admit it's a stupid game And the people who do, the people who realize that it can be fun, all the players who say it's not a game want to kill them Like actual death I don't know if I'll ever tell you I never talk to you anyways and I'm pretty sure that if we went to some gallery that was unexpectedly displaying Electric Fan (Feel It Motherfuckers) That even if I explained the story behind it, the deliberate disregard, the lovers torn apart and denied a final comfort, the history of all the people who were erased by their families, (the unspoken question of what you would erase-and-replace on my gravestone) you would still wonder why I was making a scene crying in front of a stupid box fan You're embarrassing yourself Thank goodness we don't have any of that in our family

[tmbatcat]

YEAH!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!! TELL ME ABOUT YOUR SKILLS!!! :D!!!!!

HEELL YYEE!!! Let me just spill my guts out !!

This may be a little long :]

(You may know this but is good to recap)

Ok, small story time! Basically I drew them becourse I read spilledkaleidoscopes works and in the second part Kim gets his own skills and there are only 8 and I was like "Fuck, If I were to make my own skill I am not forced to the albatrairie number 24 and also not forced to include all of physique and motorics gangs and i could just mix and match and nobody would care." so that's basically what I did

i took me 20 hours to figure their designs out (I am not kidding btw, i looked through the ibispaint recording) and 10 more to render them out to a point that i would say it's acceptable (i would have stayed longer if i wasn't physically and mentally tired of this little project and i also told myself that they will never be perfect and that OK)

more drawings for your pleasure (some not posted yet)

Ok now let's actually talk about the 8 dummies: (i will compare them to Harry's skills and other stuff for better understanding)(also I will includes an edgy description) [anything in square brackets are just my notes over the skill]

DOUBT - LOGIC + anxiety + masking - Logic tainted by how many times you got burned. You now know what to hide; all your cracks and imperfections. Your mask won't peel from your face, you forgot to take it off at some point and now you don't ever remember what you look like. Good luck with that, people would hate you more without it and you know it; I bore that though your head everyday.

[The little Jean in all of us. A strung up anxious mess that can't understand that people actually like you and that perfection is impossible. A lil hater.]

MECHANICAL HEART - EMPATHY + video game/movie logic - Understansing through empathy and pattern recognition. Don't understand someone? That's OK, use your vast knowledge of media to put them into little boxes and label them. People are more complicated than that but I am just a tool. I tune in on everyone and everythings frequency and if you don't understand something you look through the file drawer of your mind.

[My internet riddled brain can only understand tropes. I have so much brainrot that it can not be contained, it spreds to everything]

SENSOR - ENDURANCE + PERCEPTION + INTERFACING + autism - Caretaker of the temple. For other people it's automatic. Sadly, yours isn't. You forget to eat if nobody reminds you. So that's why I'm here. Your nerves are also more sensitive than most. It doesn't help that the world has so many textures and hard edges. I relay all the info as soon as I get it, though it's late most of the time.

KNOW-HOW - ADHD info dump (basically ENCYCLOPEDIE) - Keeper of the librarys. You know, your mind is like a library, but without any of the labeling a normal library would use. More of a big collection of storys and fun-facts you know. When you don't ask them for a piece of information in particular, they chime in with something that is vaguely connected to the conversation.

WILLPOWER - VOLITION + a crumb of SHIVERS - Makeing peace with it all. I am silent most of the time but not, because I don't care. I talk only to remind you of the world's humanity. When you are at ypur lowest. You need to go on. You can take a break, maybe cry a little, but never actually give up. The world doesn't end with you, and it's worse without you in it.

[they don't talk a lot cuz I am a depressed lil bitch]

DAY DREAM - INLAND EMPIRE + VISUALIZATION + CONCEPTUALIZATION - Close your eyes and see other worlds. Colors, characters, ideas, scenarios; all swirling in that little head of yours. They just make the puppets move for your own amusement. They unfortunately play with your puppet too, making you watch scenarios wherein you die a lot, but what can you do? You can't stop it. It has it upsides through, mainly escapism.

CHASE - ELECTRO-CHEMISTRY + ADHD hyperactivity + autistic hyperfixation - Longing for paradise and ambrosia. Comfort over anything else. They love to indulge and party. Not actually party. You know, more like watching youtube alone or with friends while eating chips at 2 AM. That is your type of party. Your batteries run low most of time, so a good game and a snack also work.

[ELECTRO-CHEMISTRY but a bit chiller, no drug related stuff, if sugar doesn't count. They just love good brain juice]

FLARE - HALF LIGHT + PAIN THRESHOLD - The fire that burns within us all. A caged animal that hisses at anything that comes near. In general it sits in corner, waiting, only popping it's head out to shriek profanities at whatever rattled the cage. All bark, no bite. A problem that you have is that you forget how people wronged you, but I'm here, I remember. Only emotions, but that is enough. You shouldn't give out so many second chances.

[stressed out little creature]

They also hate each other so fucking much AAAAAA I have a headache

I also wrote a small story with all of them in another post... I want to write some more small storys of mine if i could think of anything funny that happend and that would work in the Disco Elysium dialog style

you can also make your own skills if you want, i may be annoying but I believe in you <3 don't know what else I could add

[mysticstarlightduck]

Playlist Character Personality Tag!

Let's go with some of the cast from What Lurks In The Hollow for this one!!!

Rules:  You choose a character that you want to talk about, then from your playlist, or even from the songs you know, you choose a specific song that most relates to your character and explain why you think that this song reminds you of that character by analyzing the song.

WHAT LURKS IN THE HOLLOW

Zach Taylors

"Please Don't Go" - Joel Adams

Nobody ever knows Nobody ever sees I left my soul Back there now I'm too weak Most nights I pray for you to come home Praying to the Lord Praying for my soul

Now please don't go Most nights I hardly sleep when I'm alone Now please don't go, oh no I think of you whenever I'm alone So please don't go

[...]

'Cause I don't ever want to know Don't ever want to see things change 'Cause when I'm living on my own I'll wanna take it back and start again

Dylan Millihan

"Children's Work - Dessa"

I grew up with a book in my bed I got these dark circles before I turned ten Heard my mother with her friends worry it was something she did To get such a serious kid

But I've learned how to paint my face How to earn my keep, how to clean my kill Some nights I still can't sleep The past rolls back, I can see us still

You've learned how to hold your own How to stack your stones But the history's thick Children aren't as simple as we'd like to think

[...] Tried to tell the grown-ups About the storm clouds, the weather in my head Hadn't heard the word for melancholy yet

Amy Millihan

"Seventeen - Heathers The Musical"

Fine! We’re damaged Really damaged But that does not make us wise

We’re not special, we’re not different We don’t choose who lives or dies Let’s be normal, see bad movies Sneak a beer and watch TV

We’ll bake brownies or go bowling Don’t you want a life with me?

Can’t we be seventeen? That’s all I want to do If you could let me in I could be good with you People hurt us

Or they vanish And you’re right, that really blows But we let go Take a deep breath Then go buy some summer clothes We'll go camping

Play some poker And we’ll eat some chili fries Maybe prom night Maybe dancing Don't stop looking in my eyes

Savvanah Hahn

"Complicated - Demi Lovato"

It's time for me to take it I'm the boss right now Not gonna fake it Not when you go down 'Cause this is my game And you better come to play

I used to hold my freak back Now I'm letting go I make my own choice Bitch, I run this show So leave the lights on No, you can't make me behave

Uh, huh, huh So you say I'm complicated That I must be out my mind But you've had me underrated Rated, rated

Uh, huh, huh What's wrong with being What's wrong with being What's wrong with being confident?

Liam Steele

"Cradles - Sub Urban"

I live inside my own world of make-believe Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities I see the world through eyes covered in ink and bleach Cross out the ones who heard my cries and watched me weep

I love everything Fire's spreading all around my room My world's so bright It's hard to breathe but that's alright Hush

Shh

Tape my eyes open to force reality (oh, no no) Why can't you just let me eat my weight in glee I live inside my own world of make-believe Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities Some days I feel skinnier than all the other days Sometimes I can't tell if my body belongs to me

Tasha Strikehart

"brutal - Olivia Rodrigo"

And I'm so sick of 17 Where's my fucking teenage dream? If someone tells me one more time "Enjoy your youth, " I'm gonna cry And I don't stick up for myself I'm anxious and nothing can help And I wish I'd done this before And I wish people liked me more

All I did was try my best This the kind of thanks I get? Unrelentlessly upset (ah, ah, ah) They say these are the golden years But I wish I could disappear Ego crush is so severe God, it's brutal out here

I feel like no one wants me And I hate the way I'm perceived I only have two real friends And lately, I'm a nervous wreck 'Cause I love people I don't like And I hate every song I write And I'm not cool and I'm not smart And I can't even parallel park

My Taglist (-/+): @ray-writes-n-shit, @sarandipitywrites, @lassiesandiego, @smol-feralgremlin, @kaylinalexanderbooks,

@diabolical-blue @oh-no-another-idea

@cakeinthevoid, @clairelsonao3,

@thepeculiarbird

@the-golden-comet, @urnumber1star, @ominous-feychild, @anyablackwood, @amaiguri,

@lyutenw @finickyfelix

@thecomfywriter, @the-letterbox-archives, @differentnighttale @wyked-ao3

@thelovelymachinery @an-indecisive-nerd

@zinabug-writes @dahliaontherun

Let me know if you'd like to be added!

[lastweeksshirttonight]

Hey uh remember when I did retrospectives of Last Week Tonight episodes? Let's bring it back to 140.

Last Lee Tonight (wherein I'm definitely showing United Passions at my next bad movie night) Season One, Episode Six

(original air date: 6/8/2014) Major topics covered: FIFA, Bashar al-Assad's incredible iTunes library

"And speaking of Germans losing things, it was the 70th anniversary of D-Day this week."

It's really nice to throw this show back on again, on a note unrelated to the purpose of this project. I don't talk much about myself but it's been a rough few months with work scheduling, my chronic illnesses, and my mental health. For every "I'm taking a very spontaneous and ill-thought-out trip to New York to see John Oliver WOOO!" moment, there's been at least five "why can't I catch a break"s. When I'm not being beaten down by the collective forces of capitalism, I genuinely haven't been watching much John at all, mainly in an effort to play the large backlog of video games and read the large pile of books lying around my house. I've been moderately successful there (hey y'all should give Cassette Beasts a go, it's delightful), but there's nothing like going back home, so to speak. (I hesitate to call LWT a comfort show for me, given that it's basically A Record of the Decline of the United States in Real Time, but it kinda serves that function to some degree. I am a psychopath.)

Where we last left off in... May, Jesus Christ, I'm so bad at scheduling and writing and content creation - when we last left off in May at Episode 5, things were finally starting to coalesce into the modern LWT experience. We had our first viral segment on Net Neutrality, the first time a segment was uploaded in full to the LWT YouTube, and an opening news roundup that was starting to feel more thoughtful and themed. This episode continues that theme and gives us our second big viral topic.

There is a variant on the desk-slapping here, where John doesn't do it to open the show, but does a milder version of it to get the audience to shut up so he can move on with doing the show. One of my favorite things about him is his constant desire to barrel through clapping or any audience praise of anything he's done at a given moment in time and this opener is a pretty good example of that.

We open on John calling the week disappointing because California Chrome, a horse competing for the Triple Crown, did not win the Triple Crown. You can tell this is an early episode of LWT because there is no prerequisite horse-fucking/bestiality joke, just John angrily saying "fuck that horse" about Tonalist, the horse that defeated California Chrome. All of these horses sound like indie bands from my college years. I feel like Tonalist opened when I saw MGMT live.

We then move into German Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. This gives John an opportunity to plumb one of his favorite comedic depths, making fun of the musicality, smoothness, and romanticism of the German language. A German man used his lifeline to call Chancellor Merkle, who, thankfully, did not answer, as she was busy running Germany.

This transitions into China hiding the events of Tiananmen Square from their populace, including by censoring the Internet.

Attempts by protestors to use different trending words - and to put facts about Tiananmen Square in a sex tape - to get around that were also clamped down on, leading to this absolutely glorious screenshot of John's hypothetical romance novel:

I feel like someone on Reddit probably wrote When Spring Turns to Summer recently.

We also learn that Friends is incredibly popular with Chinese youth. I'm not really shocked by this, Friends has a weird international reach. I know multiple Korean idols who learned English partially through watching Friends. The fact that there's a Chinese replica of Central Perk? That's wild. The show edits a Friends clip to include historical facts about the massacre, and then we move to our central story.

I'm a big fan of whenever John talks about FIFA and football in general. Recently in one of her "posts relevant to my interests", @tellthemeerkatsitsfine noted that there's a strain with John and his contemporaries with them being nerds who really wanted to be jocks, and I think that dichotomy really helps John come off credibly when he talks about the deep-rooted corruption in this particular organization. The sport is something that is literally rooted into him, hardwired as something he deeply cares about... but there's the rest of it to consider.

In my opinion, someone who deeply loves something can really be the best at describing everything wrong with it. You don't really find the grime if you're only on the surface of something. I know that critical observation of a fandom while in said fandom is in short supply these days, but I wish it was more common.

Anyways. I think FIFA's corruption and grotesqueries are pretty known in 2023, but at the time, knowledge of their fuckery wasn't as widespread. Socially, we've definitely spoken a lot more about the cost-benefit analysis of the Olympics and taxpayer-funded stadiums, which is comparative to John's opening about the issues with FIFA and claims that World Cups bring money to the areas hosting them. (Not true!) Other items I'd completely forgotten about, like FIFA Court and their boardroom looking like something out of Dr. Strangelove.

The "And Now This" is "Chris Matthews Reminds Everyone Who He Used to Work For". (Answer: Tip O'Neill.) My abiding memory of Chris Matthews is Zell Miller accusing him of beating a woman and challenging him to a duel at the 2004 Republican National Convention.

SNL had a pretty great sketch of this where Will Forte played Miller that I can't find right now. PISTOLS AT DAAAAAAAAWN MATTHEWS!!!!

The final segment is on Bashar al-Assad's campaign of terror against Syria, rigged electioneering, and chemical warfare. More importantly, al-Assad's life history and iTunes library are discussed.

This was also the subject of the classic Bugle episode 187, which has a chance to go far more in depth about his favorite music, like "Sexy and I Know It". (Andy Zaltzman describing Lil Wayne and Busta Rhymes as a doubles tennis group is one of my favorite Bugle moments of all time incidentally.)

Right Said Fred coming out to perform an anti-Assad version of "I'm Too Sexy" gives us the first time John has had a celebrity come out basically to troll one single person, and thus almost the cornerstones of modern LWT have been established. Eagerly awaiting the first bestiality joke. Also, really love the changed lyrics, they put a hell of a lot of effort into this one. I wanna see Right Said Fred live now.

Random notes:

Lee will continue sexualizing one (1) older man damn it: light blue and dark blue checked shirt, black tie, and black jacket? I know I've said red is John's color but light blue is a very close second, 10/10

I feel like I made up for not doing these for two months by writing about five year's worth of unnecessary analysis of this damn episode. Hopefully you enjoyed it!

It was amazing seeing an ESPN ad for something not handegg-related. -groan-

LWT YouTube is still a bit confused, as we did get the two major topics as their own videos... and then 1 minute of the FIFA section as its own minisode. I really would love to know the logic behind why there specific jokes were isolated like this in the beginning of the show's airing.

My sausage, if anyone cares, is the Korean idol industry. It's an absolute cataclysmic nightmare and yet there's a lot there personally that changed me and a lot that I love out of it. It's complicated. Fuck SM Entertainment.

A reminder that John's LMFAO fandom has endured for a decade longer than the band itself lasted:

[compassionatereminders]

hi kat, i want to ask about an outsider's view on things concerning my partner and i. i feel like i lean a lot on my friends during times like these and i dont want to bother them again anymore, currently, about these issues.

my partner and i recently have been fighting a lot, about mundane things, usually stemming from me being pushed a little. i do agree that i may be a little too sensitive about certain things, and sometimes i become selfish. my familial relationships are rooted in emotional abuse so i had been closed off my whole life. sometimes i drop everything on him about things and he has his limits. this is because i often feel like if he likes me he will do anything for me even though theyre out of line.

his part of the family isnt great either, he had been exposed to physical abuse disguises as love afterwards, and he wants to leave as soon as he finishes his degree.

we have broken up before, due to miscommunication, he wants to sleep things off before talking and i take that as a personal insult when i cant help my emotions, i want to solve things before bed. however we have compromised sometimes, and things have been great.

the thing is i am half positive that we are often fighting recently due to us missing each other, we havent met each other in a month now, and it is the longest we have not seen each other in person. however, since he is still staying at his parents' house and hes not allowed to leave for trips unannounced unless he wants to get the consequences, we havent been able to cope well this vacation period.

i never mean to start a fight but recently everytime i say my feelings he has an issue with it. one time we had a plan to watch moviws together online, so i asked him to set a plan. and he did, however he turned up 35 minutes late and it greatly upset me. he informed me after we cooled down that he had been lectured by his parents and he couldnt message me during it. i understand that i had a fault in not perceiving things a lot, however i think the whole fight could have been avoided if he apologized and told me immediately afterqards the reason why. he had told me that i was too sensitive about it and that it wasnt his fault. i had let it pass because i do think its also true, given that i myself am also late sometimes.

yesterday, we had spent the day together playing online games and watching movies. however, by the time it was nightfall, i had felt down and i told him that i feel like the love i had received for the day wasnt enough and that i dont mean it as an offense to him. he said he loved me a lot the whole day and i should think back and cherish the moments we had. i dont even rememver what happened after that but we got into a huge fight, i just feel like i want some love and he should have just given it? instead of trying to tell me that im being ungrateful, because i dont think i am, i appreciated the whole day i just wanted to be cuddled to bed too, and i feel like we didnt connect a lot. he said i can never be content and will always want more than he can give, and then he had slept.

i understand that im sometimes asking for too much, but then again. i cant helo it sometimes and i dont mean to. i also dont want to accidentally start a fight every single time i feel a negative emotion.

i dont know what is happening to us and i just want someone to shine a light on what is happening. sorry for the long ask, i hope you have a good day. thanks for listening

There are no obvious red flags here in the sense that I don't get the impression that you OR your partner is doing something inherently abusive towards the other. But it seems like you both have your fair share of emotional issues and related trauma, and that you have a tendency to talk past and trigger each other. And the key to resolve it isn't in you forcing a discussion when he's asking for space, just like he doesn't get to just tell you to feel differently when you communicate unmet needs. So you have to decide whether there is still something worth fighting for in this connection, and then you both have to be willing to work on yourself and compromise and communicate. Because maintaining a relationship is hard work, especially during less than ideal circumstances, and whether you're both able to put in the work it would take to change this pattern is worth thinking about

[evvlevie]

❤️‍🔥♥️ random things about Evie ♥️❤️‍🔥

(because why not? what if you want to get to know me?)

🍓my full name is Evangeline, and I am evil Evie on here because I liked the alliteration and I can be quite mean if I really want to

🍓my favorite color is red. But if I go to buy something and the shade of red is ugly, my next preferred color is pink.

🍓if I was a fruit I think I‘d be a peach because I like peaches and they are fuzzy which is kind of unique

🍓I love everything with hearts on it or shaped in a heart or just generally hearts. I wipe my ass with toilet paper that has hearts on it I am not even kidding.

🍓because of my obsession with hearts, my favorite holiday is Valentinesday. Yes it’s a commercialization of love, but every holiday is commercializing SOMETHING and a day to show your loved ones that you appreciate them is not a bad thing plus everything is pink and heart shaped and I can only thrive in that loving environment

🍓if I was nut I’d be a coconut

🍓my most favorite TV-show is >>how I met your mother<< when I want to watch something to feel good. But other than that I believe >>Stranger Things<< and >>YOU<< are pure artwork.

🍓I love Christopher Nolan movies. They are cinematic gold and always leave you still thinking about the movie and his movies always spawn great Fan theories which makes his artwork stick with you even after you have finished watching it and that’s what true art is about in my opinion. Therefore my favorite movie is >>Inception<<.

🍓I have a red tattoo on my wrist, and it’s the word „you“ which symbolizes the way people create artwork around other people and how you can devote yourself to someone else which as a concept in itself seems to beautiful to me that we as humans are able to feel so deeply for others, that we make art out of our devotion.

🍓I sneeze when I eat chocolate and I am not even kidding.

🍓I love Office supplies. If you put me into a shop full of pens and notebooks I would spend an entire day there and not notice the sky falling or a tsunami hitting my city, I am just such a Virgo it hurts.

🍓I have been DREAMING of buying a MINI Cooper S Countryman in a brownish color and as soon as I have my driver’s license that’s what I will be manifesting for myself 😩

🍓I love ripndip clothing because it’s so colorful and creative.

🍓I am neither a dog or a cat person I am allergic to both and I like both. Used to be more on the dog side but learned to love cats too and now it’s equal love for both

🍓I love Dr Pepper

🍓my favorite animals are hippos

🍓my favorite music is the nbhd, the arctic monkeys, Chase Atlantic, The Weeknd, Lana del Rey and Blackbear and Billie Eilish

🍓I own 6 pairs of converse chucks because that is my favorite shoe and my most favorite pair are my cdg-play ones because they have a heart on their sides.

🍓I hate avocados so much and you can not change my mind. Honestly. I have tried that stupid fruit far too many times in order for anyone to tell me that this tasteless green slob is amazing and a game changer. If I have to slap on 17 spices in order for that thing to even taste like ANYTHING and that anything only being the spices, then I am wasting my time, money and water in order to grow that useless ass fruit and just straight up eat a spoon full of seasoning and call it a day.

🍓I am a passionate hater

🍓and a really picky eater. I eat like a three year old at my 19 years of age. And I am not ashamed of it. I have a BIG problem with textures, and trusting food, so if any picky eater is reading this: don’t let anybody make you feel bad for disliking certain textures or having struggles with eating or food in general. Your feelings are valid and I don‘t want to hear from ANYONE that they are forcing down food because people around them think that it’s „childish“ not to like certain things. ONLY EVER EAT THE THINGS YOU WANT TO EAT. I fully understand anyone who struggles with eating and picky eaters are never picky by choice. None of us wake up and decide they want to be a problem today.

🍓I only wear silver jewelry

🍓my dream wedding would be a trashy Elvis-Impersonator-Wedding in Vegas because I believe that if someone truly loves you, they would marry you on the spot in a split decision and not think about it for 6 months first before they ask you and give themselves 1 year + time to think about if they are really making the right decision. You may disagree but that’s my perspective on things and romance <3

🍓I have a label maker and I am deeply attached to it (I am a Virgo remember)

So this is me. I thought you might like to know your favorite shifting blogger a little better, and now you might have a more clear picture on who is sitting behind all of these posts 😽😼

Yours in every reality

Evie ❤️‍🔥

[bunchacrunchcake]

I got off the internet, mostly, and it's been great. Here are some reasons.

Social media companies keep you on their sites by showing addictive content. They sometimes trigger fight or flight. They often trigger social anxiety. They are literally modeled after slot machines (low risk, variable reward) You will constantly crave dopamine, never get enough, feel awful, and never know why.

Staring at the ceiling or reading a book isn't hard anymore. It took about a month, but... if I can't figure out something to do for this very second, I just kind of look around until I figure something out. Sometimes it's boring, that's okay. Being bored just isn't the psychic torture it used to be. It's pretty mundane.

I do all my chores. I used to have to block time out to do this or that. Then force myself to stop what I was doing (which was often using multiple apps and websites as well as watching a movie or playing a game,) to go do something incredibly boring. I don't have to combat that level of inertia anymore. If I'm microwaving or cooking something, I just do a few dishes here or there, or do some sweeping for a couple minutes. It all adds up and my house is cleaner and more organized. What I used to do while my food was cooking was scroll through reels until I could break away to keep cooking.

I consume less, but retain more information. Let's be honest, you've gone by probably 100 posts today. What was the last one about? Okay, what about 10 posts ago? I can read half a book in a day if I want to (don't always want to,) because I can just sit down and read. I'm not constantly fighting the urge to go do something more interesting. And I can make up my mind about whether I like it or not, the plot, character development, etc. My attention span is long enough to read 100 pages in the afternoon, go make tea, and mush it all around in my head while the kettle is boiling. I also don't waste my time watching or reading things I don't like. I used to look at youtube and be like "I have to watch something, what am I going to watch?" Now I go, "Is there anything interesting in my feed?" The question is different, and I've learned that often there is not. I used to watch and watch and watch just to fill time. Now that I don't have to, so much less of it is actually interesting. Reels and TikTok are actually painfully boring. They're huge huge dopamine hits, but about 1 in 50 are actually interesting and even less of them really add much to my life. I used to binge watch them for hours.

I worry less about what other people think. Top comments are always someone arguing. Comment replies on reddit and almost every other platform are arguing. If they're not picking apart a thought you casually came up with on an evening off, they're actively throwing hate at you. You might get adoration too. But none of it is really constructive. It doesn't really help you develop your thoughts or grow as a person. Plus, not everyone is going to like what you do or who you are. Part of growth is not trying to avoid negativity, but understanding where it comes from and whether you think it's a legitimate thing to work on or not. Social media just hurls unconstructive negativity at you 24/7. The amount of times I think about whether someone else would like what I'm doing in the current moment is dialed down from a 10/10 to a 1 or 2. Yes it's okay that you were a jerk to the cashier because you were having a bad day. It's not a good thing. Please learn from it and try to figure out how to not do it in the future, but you're not irredeemable. The internet tends to throw the baby out with the bathwater as far as personalities and people go. It's hard to walk around in life trying to be morally perfect when everyone's opinion of what that is is so drastically different.

In short, I am patient, I don't second guess myself, and I'm happy. It didn't happen immediately and it might not to you, but it was my experience and I am not sure I will be a regular social media user any time soon.

[dragbunart]

Fnaf Theories/Observations from my recent Game Theory Binge Watch Pt 1

For context, I've been crocheting a lot (I'll post some of the blankets i've made I think they're neat), and I try to listen to something while I do it and I was rewatching the Fnaf theory stuff on Game Theory (and may watch some other Fnaftubers while i finish them).

I may make a video about these and they really aren't HUGE theories, just a series of short theories. But if there's shorthand for Crying Child (cc) or Game Theory (GT) that's why. Also some of these were written literally as I thought of them.

Crying CHilds could be Eva:

Anyway I was thinking of how Crying child's name has yet to be revealed and how people THINK it could be Evan but GT always mentions how the N in the way to find Evan is always fuzzy and… It dawned on me while rewatching Matpat go insane on Golden Freddies name before it was revealed….

What if it’s not Evan but Eva? Now Eva is usually a girl name but it can also be a boy name…

I thought maybe CC could be girl but he’s referenced as He alot, though so is Caissdy. Scotts kind known for changing his mind on Characters genders. Just look at Puppet/Charlie.

Also during my game theory bing session I watched the ‘Phycic Friend Fredbear is a lonely freddy’ episde and realized… Matpat was assume that Alan was the CC at the time because he believe CC was Michael… We know that Michal and Alan are meant to be parallels of sorts. Both like foxy, both have trying to mess with their younger sibling somehow. And yes Hazel RESEMBLES Elizabeth Afton… But also it’s HER birthday… Like it was CC’s birthday. And its HER Foxy prize that’s mean to be broken not Alans. 

So what if we’ve been wrong about CC’s gender, like we were Golden Freddy’s and Puppets because they use the animatronics gender when refering to them. 

CC is Also possessing Golden Freddy. In ‘The real jake’ Jake eventually shared a body with the Cassidy parallel but their both the same gender.

CC could have been a little girl named Eva not a little boy named Evan.

assidy… Well Cassidy is usually represented as a girl. So maybe this is a hint that CC is a girl?

Now we reach really speculative stuff when it comes to the Ruin DLC.

We always thought Gregory was meant to parallel CC and we’ve been assuming Cassie has been parralelling Charlie or Cassidy.

And this may still be the case. 

However just hear me out.… What if Gregory is parraelleling Micheal. I mean both are messing with the animatronics, but largely make it out of their struggle against William afton/the mimic.

That would mean Glamrock Freddy can’t be a Micheal parallel… But he could easily be paralleling Charlie, or Henry. Both forces that were origianlly manipulated by Afton but fought back in their own ways.

Then Cassie would be paralleling Eva/Evan. A Lonely child crying at their birthday. Who has an attachment to a damanged canine based animatronic. Then is seemingly tricked by Micheal/Gregory to their death or at least somthing that should’ve killed them. 

It’s implied Cassie survives and obviously CC possesses Golden Freddy.

We also have the pparellels in the movie, with Micheal being a security guard… However Abby, who we assumed is an Elizabeth parallel, has dark hair, not blonde… So what if Abby is meant to be Eva? A Female CC who both likes and fears the animatronics?

Am I saying this is 100% true? No. I just think it’s very interesting than Evan doesn’t seem to fit, and Scott has always played the Pronoun game with the animatronics. 

Could be worth looking into for someone with MUCH more Lore knowledge than myself. 

Piggy Backing off of the previous theory:

you know how John at fuhnaff has the evil Charlie stolen by Willaim theory? And how Charlie has a twin in the books? What if Evan/Eva is that twin and was taken by Will in the game verse.

Heck in a GT Matpat makes a mini theory the Afton kids maybe adopted or stepkids.

What if the Post-iT Room from Security Breach was meant for the Mimic? (not any form of robot child):

If the Mimic is supposed to mimic William Afton, then the Afton family diorama makes sense.

Help Wanted was a Reboot but only kind:

The only things that we KNOW may no longer be true would be things SPECIFICALLY shown in HW (i.e. the gameplay of the first few fnaf games), but if it's not explicitly shown (Ie the 8bit mini-games and Fnaf 6) it may still be canon.

And finally

Bite of 87 Jeremy could be the same Jeremy that slices his face off in Help Wanted:

I just think it'd be cool narrative-wise, but I don't know how to prove or disprove this.

[hanjisick]

Hello!!💗 How are you? Hope you are doing just fine. Sooo i don't really know how your ships work so i am sorry if i made you uncomfortable and if the request's are closed then you can always just delete it i wouldn't mind. Also i apologize if this is too long and for any spelling mistakes english is not my first langauge.

• I am a russian female, my height is about 1.61 cm, weight about 51 kg, brown curly/wavy medium kinda hair, big brown eyes with long and thick lashes (people say that they can see planets in them which is very weird because idk), i have a griffin tattoo on the botton side of my left leg and as much as my figure is very feminine i work out so i pack some mucles and a six pack. Usually my skin is very pale and snowy but in the summer it turns into a honey like toned skin and i have a few beauty marks.

• I am an istp, usually people don't come and talk to me because i always look like i would kill someone (and i would) but in the end i just really care about the people i love. Very very shy and polite around people and strangers but i get very extravorted around people that i am comfotable with. I have a very hard time judging people and i am always able to understed their side of the story and how they feel even if i didn't went through the same thing they did. I can read people's mood just by looking into their eyes most of the time. Very very dark sense of humor for no reason (and a very broken one too). I perefer to listen then talk because it makes me happy that people trust me enough to tell me random/deep stuff about themselves.

• I really love video games and P.S (mostly fighting games like tekken or god of war), used to play a piano, i draw quit a lot (mostly people and it's just sketching), sing, very good at sports, used to pole dance, and i have some experiense with judo and thai boxing (fights and breaking people's bones but we don't talk about that), if i watch tv it's just national geografic wild/HD, i absolutely love reading books and watching movies (mostly action and comedy sometimes horror too).

• I don't like being controlled and forced to either do something or choose between something. I would rather stay at home but if the person i care about would want to go outside i can't say no because as long as i am with them i am happy. I have like only two friends other then my cat and barley talk to one of them though my social battery is very low and i like to be alone when theres an opportunity most of the time.

• I speak 8 langauges, absolutely love animals but cats are my favorite, i have never being babied before and prefer to take care of others, theres like 5% chance i will find someone unattractive, another reason why i don't talk to people anymore is because i am afraid they will use me because i was being nice to them. I had horrible depression for almost 4 years when i was 11/10 and no one catched up on that until a phone call with a teacher that i had, alot of nightmeres and illusions, i harmed myself too (still have scars) everyday and had to take a pill and go to a therapist but now i am okay and happy (but still never felt genuine happines). I have a habbit of playing with a ring on my finger that i always wear, already at a young age i was very independet (5 or 6 years old maybe) already knew how to cook and do house chores and i didn't grow up with the most normal family i was mostly a daddies girl never had a mother figure (we were strangers living under the same roof) and an 8 years older sister who always pushed me away until she begin dating her now husbend and i have a baby nephew.

• I have all the love langauges but the biggest two are quality time and physical touch.

Again i apologize if it's too long, made you uncomfortable and for spelling mistakes.

I really love your writing's but don't forget to take care of yourself and i hope you will have a good day/night!!~💕💗💞

i ship you with…

jisung!

your intimidating aura shook something inside of him. he would immediately need to know more about you and would be willing to do anything to get your attention.

he found it adorable how similar you actually were to him. both of you would be shy around eachother, only to gradually become louder until the two of you were always a giggling, fun mess together.

jisung would love nothing more than to spend his days by your side, tracing your tattoo in awe as he talked about absolutely anything that came to his mind.

but nothing sold him more than the fact that you both loved to watch national geographic, always down to binge episodes over a bowl of popcorn and cuddles.

he would love to help you relive the inner child experiences that you never had. if jisung is good at anything, it’s making others feel safe and loved.

yandere jisung

you enjoy being alone most of the time? say goodbye to that. you wouldn’t be able to pry the boy off of you, no matter how strong you are.

the only person you would have to deal with is jisung however, since he would be happy to do anything in order to stay home with you all day and all night with you and your cats.

he is absolutely enthralled with all of your hobbies and talents. video games? he would love to play with you, but he was also content with simply laying on your lap and watching the game. your sketches? they’re all hidden in a drawer for him to look through. singing? he would beg to hear you, to sing along with you, anything— but only he was allowed to hear your angelic voice.

but be careful talking about your experiences and family— all it takes is a mention that you dislike someone and jisung will immediately have them taken care of. learning about your past has only made him more possessive and protective over you, and he’s willing to do absolutely anything to make sure that nobody hurts you ever again.

[dirtj0b]

Just like, thinking about learning to interact with other people again after isolating myself for like five years. It's a long post and not important to anyone but me probably, so feel free to ignore it!

Hopefully this works, I'm so excited that they added an easier way to do the read more thing!! I like making long posts, but don't like making people read them.

Sooo... I work a job where I have very little interaction with other people, and it's graveyard shift. My bf doesn't like to interact with others either, so 90% of the time he and my room mate are the only people I interact with for extended periods in person.

This has been going on for about four years. I have pretty bad social anxiety as well, I'm literally afraid of people! I try really hard to move past it, but still... any time I have to talk to literally anyone, I am shaking and sweating and want to cry, even just ordering food or saying excuse me to move past someone. Can't even talk to my own mother without apologizing profusely and having a panic attack, it's bad.

This even extends to friends online! Or responding to things from people I don't know very well. I have a lot of trouble responding to comments on my tiktok, even though they're all super nice. I don't know why...

I used to go to karaoke and force myself to socialize and get up on stage. After I stopped working at the club, it became harder and harder to interact with people, and I learned that the only way to keep on top of the anxiety thing was forcing myself to do it in a fun setting. I dunno. But I wasn't able to do that anymore with my job, and a lot of my friends moving away...

I think, for one of my accommodations, I might ask if I can have one night off a month to go to karaoke with my sister, and see if it helps??

Anyway, the trip! I feel very spoiled. My mom, knowing I had these issues and needed a place to hide, got me my own room. I'm so thankful!!!! But I've been trying to hang out downstairs with everyone else as much as possible, because I missed my family.

I'm trying to also use this as an opportunity to re learn how to interact with other people. I've been talking to strangers and stuff. And you know what? For the most part, everyone has been super nice! Some people are mean, but... way more people are nice. It hurts when someone is short with me, but in such a large place with so many people, inevitably I talk to a nice person again in a few minutes.

I think it's helping! Last night, rather than hiding in my room, I stayed down with my family and watched movies and made stupid jokes. I feel annoying, and embarrassed, but I always do when I talk to literally anyone. I don't think I need to feel that way!

Another thing... I'm scared of children. I'm scared of like, everything! But the noises kids make hurt my ears, and they don't seem to give me any space when I need it.

BUT!! I've been interacting with my nephews a lot during the trip, and it's going well!! Actually, the older one (10?) gave me a little pep talk... they were trying to teach me to play four square, but I kept messing up and apologizing. I didn't know what I was doing, and I felt like I was ruining the game by not catching on fast enough.

Everyone else was kind of like ughhh and stepped away (I'm sorry ;~; ) and my nephew came up and was like, "you don't have to apologize so much, it's just a game. When you're going 'I'm sorry I'm sorry and then say 'I'm having fun, I promise!' I feel like I'm holding you at gun point or something" so we talked about it, oof haha.

I think me apologizing a lot and then trying to explain my issues to people is very off putting to them. I do it trying to be less awkward, but it only makes it worse I think! I am going to try to stop doing it, and see how it goes.

The apologizing thing is going to be really hard. I've done it my whole life!

My childhood was a bit rough, so I had to apologize a lot, and it stuck around when I got older. I have wanted to stop for years, no one likes it, but I just have this constant feeling that I'm doing something wrong when I interact with others. I can't shake it, so I have to actively force myself to not apologize and it's very difficult.

It ends up being a cycle I can't break out of, because if I don't apologize my brain goes "oh wow I'm so unapologetically annoying they'll hate me" but if I do apologize it adds friction to the interaction (and is probably uncomfortable for the other person!)

I'm making an effort now to not do it so much, even though I feel so painfully irritating. I don't know. This is going to be hard. How can I know I'm not making anyone angry?? I'm scared! But I have to try, because apologizing and explaining why I'm acting weird is so not working. I just want to interact normally, without feeling awful and embarrassed afterward.

I joined a voice chat with my friends the night before last and tried not to apologize a bunch, but I felt weird anyway. I ended up nodding off and left the call, but I was more embarrassed about just... joining in the first place even though they're my friends and they were nice to me. No one did anything to make me feel that way, I just always feel like that when I talk to anyone. Even my boyfriend, actually!

I feel like a Sim and every time I have a social interaction we both get a lil red - mark, ugh.

Anyway... I messaged my bf and asked if he wanted to talk on the phone today because I miss him, and he said he would let me know when he was able to talk. I suspect probably we will not get to talk in the phone during this trip. I'm sad about it, but I'm thankful he's messaging me!

YES I know I sound pathetic and shit, but listen. I'm trying my best to heal and improve, okay? I'm doing my absolute best. This is all I have! I don't want to spend my life too afraid to be around people. I'm lonely and I want to enjoy being around my friends and family instead of being afraid of them.

Everyone is trying so hard to include me, I don't want to let them down either. If I apologize and seem sad the whole time, they'll think I'm not having any fun, but I am!! I'm so fucking happy to be here, I'm so happy that despite everything they still invited me and wanted me to come. I'm thrilled that they're trying so hard to include me even though I make it difficult!!

I'm so absolutely lucky to have people in my life who love me despite my issues, and who know I can be better and fun to be around even though I'm all weepy and shit.

I'm going to make a second post about the how trip itself so far, but this stuff is a big deal to me... I just want everyone to know I'm trying!!

[sstudiess]

I decided to torture myself and read my old journals. This is what I found and here is the wrapped:

Iconic/cringefail quotes from my old journals:

Dec 2015

"There are some things man can't change and on that list the top spot is reserved for the never ending chatter of kids."

April 2016

"i want to be a wanderer who travels in search of Justin Bieber songs and Hollywood movies"

Sept 2016

"Now I will tell you the biggest tragedy of my life. I've decided to not get into the 'gf and bf' stuff before I join NASA so I'm in a kind of dilemma."

Jan 2017

"My love life is as bad as ever but I'm looking forward to this year because according to the horoscope, my love life is gonna be amazing!"

"Now, I think that the whole school is going to know that I and xxxxx are gonna have a secret rendezvous!"

"She said that I would've aroused doubt in her mind by saying that cause nobody says I hate you to someone in private!"

March 2017

"...And the fact that life has nothing romantic to offer me, makes me more into these books! Reading people's stories when my own love story is at mortal peril!"

"What she gets after giving her best shot is almost equal to what I get after doing almost nothing at all!"

Jan 2018

"Speaking of fictional boyfriends, I'm totally over xxxx now."

Feb 2018

"I am not the chosen one nor I'm half-angel but I do have a shitty life"

"If i were in America, people would make fun of me still, but not in this way"

"I am too creative to handle my thoughts for sure."

"I know this world is big and full of possibilities but just for once, i want this world to be small for me, i want just one possibility."

"I said my love life was a square but then she said it was a triangle. I didn't agree, so we ended up calling it an 'angle', or rather, a traingle with no base."

March 2018

"I am scared for the future, for everything that is gonna come after this one year. All i have right now is a mantra 'padh le beta, 12 hai' "

"We need to find a rebound crush for me."

May 2018

"I've been binge watching thirteen reasons why. I am on the 6th ep of season 2. I kinda like that show. It was soo depressing, it helped me forget my depression"

August 2020

"I have never been this lonely, but i have never been this happy either. I needed this more than i can ever admit"

"I know I'm capable of being loved, of loving again, so I will root for that hope."

"Being a popular author is a dream only a few people get to live. Rest others are forced to live a life of oblivion, their books and creations tucked into darkness." 

Oct 2020

"It seems as if I have forced myself to stay within these walls"

Jan 2021

"Why do I hold my thoughts like Atlas holding up the weight of the entire world? I do not feel like I'm crumbling from the weight but there's this haze of heavy thoughts upon me that I cannot seem to lift."

"I have been building this world of thoughts and words. These thoughts in the form of books, movies, songs, they belong to someone else. All they do for me is dampen the intensity of the ones that actually belong to me."

"It's waiting, the spirit in me, she will burst me open with exhilaration when she thinks the time is right. She is fickle, she needs beauty, she needs a constant change of scenery."

"This will be your fall, you are Icarus, dying to touch the sky so much, you are dying to die. No no, you do not want to die. You are just agitated, angry, your defiance is performative. You're just bored out of your wits." 

"I should not want it, I am aware, but due to reasons completely irrational, i will be forgoing my last two braincells in favour of the straited muscles (the heart)."

"I JUST FOUND OUT LADY ADA LOVELACE WAS THE DAUGHTER OF THE ICONIC LORD BYRON. Hence for reasons completely irrational, i will be passing away."

"Hope is a dangerous game to play with yourself."

"My love for him is an ocean with unfathomable depths. He is a swimming pool. If he jumps, he will drown in my intensity. If i jump, I will hit my head. We both will die. Death is romantic, say the poets of old. Well, not this one, this death will be humiliating."

"We are academics, we explore the world through books, always living on the sidelines, we do not participate. We live in the past. We love art, yet we fail to make any. We love the world, we want to change it but we never try. We will never be heard except one day, sorting through dusty books, another lover will find us in pages, but we will never be able to create any real change. We deal with the mind, sometimes the heart, with the art we create. We cannot touch the tangible, our realm is the intangible and that is where we come alive. The problem however, is that we will never be remembered. John Keats was right when he said his name was written in water. Isn't everyone else's too? Ours specifically, is written on the waves. We do not create an effect, we are only felt. But I believe there are some who change the world like a Tsunami does. Shakespeare, remember? What did he do for the world? Nothing. He just wrote plays."

"I believe in love as the driving force that makes this ugly and unbearable world tolerable and meaningful." 

"You cannot nullify love just like you cannot nullify the existence of God." 

Feb 2021

"Valentine's day is a capitalist holiday. Even if it wasn't, there is no reason for celebrating it." 

"I am going for the crazy poet/scholar look these days so it hurts when i have to cut or comb my hair."

"We carry our home in our hearts. I do too, because if I didn't, I'd be homeless." 

April 2021

The Generation Z are a faithless and purposeless generation. We believe in equality, we have opinions- a lot of them but we don't have ideologies to follow or governments to overthrow. We have a fire in us that burns bright, but with no purpose, it seems to me that we're getting wasted." 

"I got a cousin baby brother! I'll admit, I did not like him much in the beginning, he looked like a shriveled potato but after they washed him up, I saw in the pictures that he looks like me!"

"Realism, pessimism, optimism- they're all words. We're all three and neither."

"Majority of the content in my journal includes me pining over a guy I dated for a month."

May 2021

"It's like looking at your scars years later, you see a fair patch of skin, it doesn't hurt, it doesn't make you feel the past pain, but it fills you with a sense of awe and wonder at your body, at its strength and its resilience." 

"I have learned the unbearable art of silencing the voice in my head. It is boring without it." 

July 2021 

"I didn't get any gifts and I was barred from buying more books" (on 20th b'day)

Jan 2022

" I have 99 problems and 110 of them would be solved if I lived alone in a small cottage on top of a hill."

"When it comes to the Romantics, I think I'm like John Keats. The sad but joyful/optimistic bastard that coughed blood and died. In all seriousness, I don't think I'm any more special or unique than this particular sad twink. It's a bummer really, because I actually aspire to be like Lord Byron. The bisexual disaster, obnoxiously charming and smart asshole that you want to punch in the face but then are too enamored by. Byron, the accidental hero, the adventurer and the rebel. That's who I want to be….. but Byron is Byron, I am not him. I am not mentally ill enough to pull off that sort of charisma." 

"I can exist and others too and we all can be the main characters. Existence isn't a competition. Not everything is." 

"I have always been single in my entire life of 21 years except for a month. I have been happy in my entire life of 21 years except for a month." 

"I made up things, I wanted a story. I look for a story everywhere- that's what we do."