#why does the kazoo haunt me

[smugwolf-sins]

rayman origins moskito muisc GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

[ifonotlnow]

REVIEW THAT NOBODY CARES ABOUT: LIVE FROMT HE HAUNTED CANDLE SHOP EDITION

sorry

Hydroelectric Viking: 6/10

Yeah, you already know how I feel about instrumentals. Side note, this song would go hard as a beat saber level.

The Saga of You, Confused Destroyer of Planets: 8/10

While this song used to be my favorite on the album, it recently became overshadowed by others. Also, I heard this one cover called The Saga of Ballsack Joe, Confused Destroyer of Bitches by The Ballsacks that is mostly the original lyrics with dirty words stuffed in and the original instrumental playing distorted in the background. When I heard it, I thought it was immature and got all pissed off and couldn't stop ranting in my head about it every time I heard the original song. Moral of the story, I'm a stupid buzzkill and should learn to lighten up a little.

Mr. Wolfgang: 6.75/10

This song was one of the few songs I liked upon first listen to the album, along with TSoY,CDoP and Boat. However, it shortly became overplayed in my head. This song DOES have a slight touch of edginess, but it knows what it's doing and doesn't take itself more seriously than it should. Also, BANG BANG, HE JUST SHOT HIS BOSS. BANG BANG HE JUST SHOT HIS BOSS'S BOSS!

Boat: 8/10

Before I actually liked this album, this song was my favorite from it. While I do like it less than I used to, it's definitely in my album top 3. One of my favorite lyrics in the album is "AEIOU sometimes Y, Why not!" It's a dumb piece of wordplay just kinds stuffed in the song, but it doesn't take itself too seriously, and works in my opinion.

Destructo!: 8/10

NO WAY THEY SAID THE THING! THEY SAID THE THING! THAT'S THE NAME OF THE ALBUM!!!!!

good song

Fiberglass Monkey: 7/10

Don't really have anything to say. Good song. I liked when there was the fiberglass monkey. Classic example of the hero's journey. Kid is haunted by fiberglass monkey. Kid gets bat. Kit hits fiberglass monkey with said bat. Fiberglass monkey dies. What's not to love?

Fly Straight or Drop the Oar and Wreck: 7/10

I like most of the song. I really like the background vocals when he says "plate right now." Also, It's really satisfying when he finally "Fly straight or drop the oar and wreck." The violin at the end of the song is a little drawn out, though.

Oz Explodes 7.5/10

Took me embarrassingly long to realize the song's lyrics were taken directly from the wizard of oz. Iconic kazoo cover, every time I remember I have a kazoo I immediately pull it out and play this song. Also, this song is how I remembered the Pythagorean Theorem when I was taking my standardized test. So thanks, Neil! If you can't tell, I'm not writing this review while extremely tired at 10 P.M. (unlike yesterday's)

Booja Jabooja: 7/10

Don't really LOVE this one, but It's a good song. Also, WHEN DID NEIL TRANSLATE THE CHORUS?? ISNT THE WHOLE THING THAT IT'S GIBBERISH THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE? anyways yeah 7/10

Dance Like an Idiot: 8/10

Very catchy song, with it's own dance too! This sone is the cupid's shuffle for weird losers (me!) Also, I love the synth solo in the middle.

Chu Chu Rocket: 7.5/10

Okay embarrasing story, it took me like two months to realize that

A. This song is a cover and

B. and more embarrassingly, this song is in Japanese

okay, so the first time I heard this song it played right after Booja Jabooja so naturally, I assumed it was another made up language that just so happened to sound a lot like Japanese and English. Actually never mind, there's no defending myself. That was stupid of me.

Switzerland: 9/10

Good song, one of my album favorites. The story does lead me to wonder, though, did the protagonist ever make it to Switzerland? Why couldn't this story have any closure like Fiberglass Monkey did? Oh why, Neil 20 years ago, did you do this???

Party on the Moon: 8/10

8/10 good. Who the hell is Mr. Kenji Akita?

Without My Tonsils: 7/10

this song was my ringtone for, like, a really long time. I like this song, but it radiates with edginess. THAT ENDING WAS GREAT. IT WAS A PERFECTLY FINE, NOT AT ALL DISSAPOINTING ENDING UNTIL HE STARTED REPEATING THE LYRICS "DISSAPOINTING ENDING", THEREFORE MAKING THE ENDING DISSAPOINTING. SCREW YOU NEIL (I don't actually care that much)

Birdhouse In Your Soul: 7.5/10

I don't think that before hearing this version, I had ever listened to the TMBG version. Strangely enough, the song felt very familiar, and when I did eventually listen to the original version it felt very familiar. Side note, if anybody reading this is a TMBG fan, how do you feel about this cover (especially if you listen to they might be giants but haven't listened to the cover yet, listen and tell me how you feel!)

Anyways, good song, both referring to the original and Neil's version

Mold en Mono: 9/10

Love this song, easily my favorite. If you listen close enough, you'll hear the cuica sounds that Neil used before it was even cool (cough cough Baldi's Basics cough cough). Anyway, I love the layering of the lyrics in the outro, and it's very funny to me the origin of the song's title (search it up, I don't feel like typing). Classic Live From The Haunted Candle Shop song.

Movie Night: 6.5/10

It's not a bad song, but it's too slow for my liking. I remember the first couple times I listened to it I would wait for it to get faster and more exciting, and it never happened. Back then, I'd have probably given it a 4/10 but it's since grown on me

OVERALL: 7.5/10

FAVORITE/ LEAST FAVORIE SONGS

Mold en Mono, Hydroelectric viking (dishonorary mention to Movie Night)

I feel like this review was better written than the last one, but not interesting/funny enough for that to make up for it. This one's just boring and bad.

[mourningmaybells]

Peter Lukas?

Rich boy bastard Peter Lukas? Mother Fucking Asshole lonely uwu cloud sweaty sea captain, only Avatar to become Martin’s BITCH, dumbest boomer to curse the Earth Peter Lukas.

I Am Calmly Asking You To Stop Reminding Me He Existed.

This bastard man cannot leave my head. Why does he pretend to be ‘nice’? Why does he pretend to be a ‘master manipulator’? Martin played this fake bitch like a toot-toot kazoo and he didn’t even know it.

Was it cause he was rich? Was it cause he was 'sheltered’? Cryptic bastard keeps haunting my thoughts driving me to smack any cloud of mist that rolls by.

He’s not even real, I’ve never even seen him and I know he’s the first image search result for racist white man- don’t deny it. He called Jon “grubby”. He probably can’t google search ‘curry’ without exploding. The Eye told me.

If I died and saw heaven’s gates, I’d say ��no thank you” and go to hell just to punch this rat’s homophobic gay fucking face with my brown bi fury fists. And kill him a second time. And then a third.

I am so glad I caught up with the series and know he’s gone for good, never coming back for another divorce. He says he hates being a podcast character, and I think “Yeah bitch. Me too.” If he comes back in season 5 even as a flashback I am writing a strongly worded letter to 𝒲𝒽𝒾𝒸𝒽𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝒟𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒹 𝒫𝑜𝓌𝑒𝓇 𝒾𝓉 𝑀𝒶𝓎 𝒞𝑜𝓃𝒸𝑒𝓇𝓃. And you know what? That flashback is probably an apology video for being a landlord. He’ll take off his cap, remove his make up, pretend to cry in the middle and then realize tapes don’t have built-in cameras.

I may look and sound calm while saying this, my voice may be quiet, but inside I Am Furious. He became a landlord and took Martin to his toxic-ass vape fog. He ruthlessly screened his ritual victims, all of which were somehow 120% white men, and he somehow forgot about privilege. And he 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝒽𝑜𝓌 forgot about Gertrude “Ruthless Grandma” Robinson. He’s right. She should have murdered him! Good on Martin for saying “Fuck you!” to his dusty face :)!

His background makes him even worse. This rich man took advantage of people with mental health issues and money problems. And when his employees wanted to confront their shitty boss, he just wooshed them. Wooshed Them. He would have lived in failure, but then decided to steal a statement-hungry, ALL-SEEING EYE Man’s boyfriend. He really thought he could hide in the mist and survive like a rat crawling into the walls after angering a ripped, beefy exterminator. With x-ray vision.

Jonah BETTER have sent reparation money to Mr and Mr Blackwood-Sims. Mothman of color had to eat white bread just to free his Boyfriend of color from his ex-husband.

Thank Eye God Jon killed him so every Thursday I don’t have to stop myself from going into a murder rage like I’m listening to Grifter’s Bone.

Jon literally gave him the option of “be known or die” and he chose “die”. Like a dumbass.

When Jon obliterated him with the power of Gay Love, every lgbt working class person felt it. A single, happy tear rolling down their cheeks. The Earth shook and skies cleared to show the stars spelling “RIP You Piece of Shit Landlord. Ibang Lebel Ang Kagaguhan Mo.”

I Am Calm but it is still waters hiding carnivorous fish in the depths below

(Literally think his death should be a nationwide holiday. People should celebrate Jon killing racism, ableism, classism and homophobia incarnate.)

[morsking]

And so we have concluded Lostbelt 2! Now that I’ve experienced it for myself, I have a much clearer picture about how I feel about this chapter. As I progressed one thing became very clear to me, and that was that Hazuki Minase likely did NOT have any influence with this chapter, and its weakest points can be attributed to its main writer, Hikaru Sakurai, once we more closely scrutinize her work.

For starters, I would like to apologize to the people who kept trying to tell me Minase had nothing to do with the writing of Losbelt 2. You were correct, I simply acted stubbornly because I was terrified that one of the writers I loathe the most had returned to haunt and corrupt the franchise I hold very dear to me. I insisted on blaming him for any flaws because he was an easy scapegoat and a bogeyman, and while we all agree he is a pervert and a hack who should be fired, it is simply not fair to point fingers at imaginary criminals. A person should always be held accountable only for the misdeeds they have actually committed. Indeed, we may now explore Lostbelt 2 and the integrity of its writing with a more objective perspective, or rather as objective as I can manage to be.

The overall theme of the Lostbelt is “acknowledging one’s emotions as a vehicle for personal growth”. The issue persistent in the setting of Lostbelt Scandinavia was that it was a place where only young humans were allowed to survive. These humans would be oblivious to what real growth and prosperity were really like. They were innocent, and emotionally and intellectually stunted groups of people who only knew to live for the truth of their eventual demise. They lived short, rushed lives where they would stay ignorant of basic human experiences, such as love, grudges, aging, vice, hate, competition, and companionship because they devoted themselves to living how Scathach-Skadi ordered them to. They were unable to think or decide what to do for themselves, and were thus incapable of not just taking the reins to decide their own evolution as we do in Proper Human History, but also of fathoming doing such a thing in the first place.

This is a mirror to Ophelia Phamrsolone. Ophelia was conditioned to only listen to others for purpose and direction. Ophelia doesn’t actually know how to listen to her own feelings or even what those feelings even are because she was never allowed to connect not just with herself but with anyone. Ophelia, like Surtr points out, is still very much a little girl terrified by everything around her because she has no balance, no capacity for finding her center as a healthy and normal human being would. Unbeknownst to herself, all her interactions with others are a plea for help. Her very first interaction with Mash in 2017 was asking her if she’d like to have lunch with her and Pepe because Ophelia is terrified by male strangers and wishes to connect with other women as well. Ophelia’s conversations with Kirschtaria are also her not knowing how to proceed with challenges and therefore appealing to authority both for comfort and advice. Finally, her monologues with the Alien Priestess are Ophelia venting about how she feels, as if she were unaware of what to really think of herself as her helplessness and indecision drown her in a lake of self-loathing. 

These cries for help extend to the way she summons her Servants. Ophelia is noted to be incredibly proficient at evocation. Some might even call her a genius. In fact, she is such a genius she unknowingly managed to contract not just with one, nor two, but three different Servants all at once. The first Servant to answer her summon was Sigurd, the King of Warriors from Nordic mythology. The second Servant was Surtr the King of Giants and Scourge of Ragnarok (titled by yours truly), who hijacked the summoning and took over Sigurd. The third, and most pivotal, was Napoleon Bonaparte, the French Emperor whose Spirit Origin was modified to embody the “ideal Good Fellow who could make dreams come true” rather than the actual historical Napoleon.

What these three Servants have in common is that Ophelia wished for all of them from the darkest depths of her heart. Ophelia desired capable Servants who could give her some form of direction and stability. 

Sigurd, for example, is a hero renown for rescuing Brynhild and giving brand new meaning to her life by showering her with love and devotion. Love and devotion are things that Ophelia not just desires to be shown but actively struggles to adequately express to others because she has never known what it’s like to experience those things. To Ophelia, Sigurd represents “being given that which you have never known and finding fulfillment”. 

Surtr, on the other hand, embodies a darker type of direction: the terror stagnation, conformity, monotony, inaction, and eternal suffering. Surtr exercises control over Ophelia by threatening to destroy the world if he is released, prompting Ophelia to flash to her childhood locked away by her abusive parents every dreaded Sunday. Surtr locks Ophelia into a state of helplessness and indecision where she has to carefully consider how she will proceed with dealing with Surtr. Ophelia has decided to lock herself in with him as a way to prevent him from breaking out of both Sigurd’s body and the physical prison inside the Lostbelt’s sun. This is a situation where Ophelia is in a constant state of stress and fear, since as a Crypter the last thing she could ever want to see is the destruction of yet another world by her hands. More personally, the death of the Lostbelt would also mean death for Ophelia, as she has failed her purpose once again and thus would have no worth as a person. However, what Ophelia cannot understand, because Surtr himself does not, is that Surtr’s destructive impulses are how he wants to show love and devotion towards her. Surtr has reasoned that since their worlds abandoned them after they failed to perform their ordained tasks, the only thing left is to annihilate them completely as retribution for their suffering. Surtr does not wish to hurt Ophelia, but because he is a being defined only by his overwhelming desire to burn everything, he cannot help her heal or grow in any way that matters. All he can offer is annihilation. To Ophelia, Surtr represents “self-destruction through a static state of being”.

Finally, there is Napoleon. Napoleon represents a pronounced antithesis to Ophelia’s entire personality. He is an upbeat, improvising, confident man who chooses to not stress over things because what he is seeing is only what lies ahead, not what lies in front of him.He also breaks her defenses by asking something so ridiculous and unexpected as her hand in marriage when they have only just met. Napoleon refuses to give in to any negative outcome regardless of how much the odds are stacked against him, as he demonstrated in Scathach-Skadi’s throne room where he refused to let Sigurd kill his Master despite being restrained by Skadi’s paralyzing rune. He demonstrates this once again when he blows his final shot at Surtr during the final battle, sacrificing his own life to give Chaldea the opportunity to regroup and bombard Surtr to bring him down. He is called the Man of Infinite Possibilities precisely because he faces the unknown head on and finds the best path to walk for his comrades to advance. He does not let fear take over his heart and judgement, he creates a rainbow as a bridge connecting the present to the bright, shining future. He is precisely the hero Ophelia needs, because he embodies “the bravery to grasp your own future and find your own direction”. 

But analyzing these characters further is a post for another time. What I want to get into are the gripes I have with this Lostbelt. 

Now, I could lead you on through a couple more paragraphs before I wham you with what this all means in a much higher metatextual level, but I don’t have the time nor the creativity to do that so I’m just gonna give it to you straight. This square between Ophelia, Sigurd, Surtr, and Napoleon is the storyline that matters most in Lostbelt 2. Scathach-Skadi matters little despite her own parallels with Ophelia and being the Lostbelt King, and the situation with the Lostbelt’s inhabitants matters even less. Why?

Because Lostbelt 2 is Sakurai coming full circle and writing an otome game like Fate/Prototype was meant to be before Fate/stay night became a thing. 

SHOCKER!! SOUND EFFECTS OF SURPRISE!! DRAMATIC KAZOOS GALORE!!

Now, that’s exaggerating a little. Or maybe not that much, actually.

What Sakurai was doing was applying conventional otome game tropes into the setting not just what she’s familiar writing for, but because Lostbelt 2 is inherently an incredibly self-indulgent project. 

There is a classic trademark otome fantasy at play here: the fantasy of multiple men being devoted to a female main character a player can relate to. There is no denying there is a certain appeal to the idea that there are several handsome men all willing to devore their entire lives to a person. Sigurd, Surtr, and Napoleon all embody certain otome game love interest archetypes. Sigurd is the cold, composed, intellectual man who is actually earnest, just, affectionate, and wise. Surtr is the dark-hearted troubled man with fiery disposition struggling with expressing love. Napoleon is the strong, confident, borderline pixie manic dream boy with almost zero brains but plenty of empathy and... *ahem*, physique to make up for his seeming lack of tact and intelligence (he’s a himbo is what I’m saying but that comes as no surprise). The problems arise with Napoleon himself, however. Napoleon hounds Ophelia with marriage proposals she refuses time and time and again. When he proposes to her in front of Chaldea for the first time, the narrative has Mash take Napoleon’s side and urges you to do the same because Sakurai believed the reader would’ve caught on to what’s actually going on between Ophelia and Napoleon. 

The issue here is that Sakurai’s clues up to that point had been far too hidden for the player to make a proper connection, and it’s not until AFTER the proposal that the player discovers Napoleon is predisposed to fall in love with whoever summons him because that’s what Ophelia wanted out of an ideal Servant. Because of the poor execution in presenting all these factors that completely recontextualize the relationship between Napoleon and Ophelia, when Sakurai has Napoleon say “You did not reject me therefore you DID agree,” we jump to the conclusion that Napoleon is engaging in extremely reprehensible behavior and ideology reminiscent of dangerous and abusive men IRL rather than take it as harmless flirtation from a well-meaning oaf of a man as he tries to break the shell of his beloved. Sakurai invokes a very dangerous trope that does more to excuse misogynistic behavior when done incorrectly rather than successfully appear as a romantic gesture of attempting to liberate a loved one from the clutches of isolation and victimhood.

On a larger scale, the application of these tropes is where Lostbelt 2 starts to suffer, and that’s where Sakurai’s writing further begins to resemble Minase’s. Sakurai spent so much time building these interpersonal dynamics that she spent the least amount of effort actually building upon the situation of the Lostbelt and Scathach-Skadi’s character and motivations for keeping the Scandinavia the way it is. 

Upon scrutiny, it’s not very difficult to pick apart the setting and make a mark out of the glaring logistical inconsistencies of maintaining a population of only 10,000 humans for a span of 3,000 years by having them reproduce at 15 years old at the latest to execute them at 25. Anyone with a passing understanding of biology would know that forcing children to carry babies to term can lead to terrible health and psychological complications that would certainly end up in a lot more miscarriages, stillbirths, and failed attempts at impregnation than actual successful births. The problem here then is rather evident. Sakurai wanted to use the fact that all these children are young, innocent, naive, gullible, and ignorant to draw a connection to Ophelia’s own psychological and emotional circumstance. However, she realized that because she was writing a setting that obligated her to work around a 3000-year gap between Ragnarok and the present day. She needed something that would compromise the need for a realistic system that would ensure the reproductive viability of a human population through such a long period of time and the thematic vehicle of childhood and repression of growth as a way to connect Ophelia to her environment. This compromise ended up working for the absolute worse because she chose the worst possible system she was aware was the worst possible system she could’ve come up with and therefore decided to forsake that part of the plot without going through the implications of it and leaving the specifics to the reader’s imagination so they could sort it out in her stead.

This unwillingness to properly explore the problematic implications of Scathach-Skadi’s system not only deprived the player of a possible engaging storyline where child endangerment, a common theme in the Nasuverse, is explored and criticized through a different angle, but also actively hurts Scathach-Skadi’s connection to the player because we never get the opportunity to debate with her about her ideology and the state of the Lostbelt. We never hold her accountable for enforcing such a brutally predatory and dehumanizing system that targets children, instead Sakurai opts to build her up as a flawed, self-absorbed mother figure desperately trying to combat the extinction of the remnant of her world who also never really learned how to deal with the revelation there is an entire life she did not get to have in this universe that we MUST sympathize because she occasionally sees through the characters and acts kind towards them until the time comes for us to fight her in earnest as a matter of principle completely divorced from the question of how she’s managed her Lostbelt. The fact Scathach-Skadi’s model of sustainability does not work is made obvious by the fact it takes place in a Lostbelt, what we are trying to get at here is that it does not work from a writing standpoint because of all the different holes you can poke on it before you’ve punched through the paper screen entirely and revealed the superfluousness of it all. 

There is nothing inherently bad about self-indulgent storylines. If I’m being honest, if Sakurai wanted to use Ophelia and Musashi as self-inserts to fantasize about romancing the different kinds of characters she finds attractive, more power to her. But the problem surrounding Lostbelt 2, which is the same problem that plagued Septem and Fate/Extella, is a veritable lack of restraint from her part as a professional writer in charge of a multi-billion dollar mobile game. What the writing room over at Type-Moon has to realize is that they are no longer a small doujin writing circle that can get away with whatever they want because they operate under obscurity. They are visible to the entire world and will be held accountable and criticized as professionals by consumers and their peers in the industry. A little bit of self-fulfillment in a published work never hurt anyone, you can cater to yourself most of all with your professional work (I mean, just look at She-Ra), but you must be sure that in your pursuit of indulgence your work does not suffer for it and ends up alienating and disappointing your fanbase and giving them the wrong impression of what you stand for. 

Anyway we’re popping the biggest bottles when GudaMoth becomes canon this December. 

[chaoticgremlinwholikescheese]

Cars Suck

TW: Blood, near-death

JACK’S POV:

I love date nights. Just me and Alex spending time together. We rarely get any privacy with all the newsies around, so it’s nice to finally get some alone time. The restaurant we went to tonight was really good. It just opened up, a new pasta place. Affordable and delicious. 

“I’m telling you, Race and Spot are a couple. I caught them holding hands!” Alex insists. “No way. Spot’s the big tough guy and Race is a hyper golden retriever with a kazoo.” Spot and Race are two very different people. But, I guess opposites can attract. 

“I guess I could see it. Race does have a sort of charm-” I never get to finish my sentence. A car comes barreling down the street and runs the red light. Alex pushes me out of the way. I hit the ground with a thud. There’s a terrible screeching sound. Silence. Then people start yelling. I sit up and rub my head. What the fuck just happened?

“Alex?” I don’t get a response. Then I see her. She’s laying on the ground, eyes closed. Blood is seeping from a wound on her head. It’s already starting to pool beneath her. I scramble over, panic racing through my veins. “Hold on. It’s going to be alright. Someone is probably already calling for help.”

I put pressure on the wound. The blood is warm against my hand. It runs down my fingers, illuminated by the glowing street lights. “Jack.” Alex chokes out. “Yeah, honey. I’m right here.” She reaches a hand up to my cheek. “Why are you crying?” I didn’t even realize I was. I wipe away the tears with my free hand. “It doesn’t matter. Can you keep your eyes open for me?” 

She nods. “I’m fine, baby. Don’t cry. It’s going to be alright. I’ll see you soon.” Her eyes flutter closed. “Alex? Hey- hey, talk to me, please- Alex, I need you to stay awake. You can’t leave me. Open your eyes. Open your eyes, Alex!” She doesn’t stir. “No! No, Alex, please wake up. I need you. I love you!” My shouting doesn’t do any good. Why isn’t she waking up? She should be awake. 

Someone pulls me away from her. I fight back with all the strength I have. “I need to stay with her!” She needs me. I can’t leave her. I see paramedics loading her onto a stretcher. They start chest compressions. I’m ushered onto the ambulance with her. I can’t move, can’t speak. Everything is frozen.

The paramedics yell around me. They shock her. She jerks but doesn’t move. They attach an IV to her arm, hanging blood above it. I see her heart beat on a monitor. It’s flat. A constant beep. “Hand me the defib! Charge to 200!” They place the paddles on her chest. “Clear!” Her body jerks, but she doesn’t wake up. They begin chest compressions again. “Charging to 300! Clear!” 

Her body jerks again. And this time the heart monitor beeps. Her heart is beating again. “We’ve got a pulse.” The paramedics begin bustling around her, bandaging and stitching. They give her a shot. I can only watch as my love is being pulled back from the brink of death.

When we reach the hospital, they take her away again. They lead me to a seperate room. I try to go with her, but two nurses pull me away. They lead me to a cubicle. “We need to get a look at the wound on your head.” One says. She dabs it with some alcohol and I hiss. “It’s not going to need stitches, but I’m going to bandage it.” She places some gauze on the cut and raps a bandage around my head. She tapes it in place. 

“Let’s get you to the waiting room. You can wait there.” She gently leads me to a chair. It’s plastic and uncomfortable, but I barely feel it. All I can feel is shock. Fear. I saw my girlfriend die. Then come back. And she might be dying again, and I’m not there. I should be holding her hand. I should have told her I loved her one more time. 

I place my head in my hands and sob. I notice that my hands are still covered in blood. Her blood. I shakily stand up and walk to the nearest bathroom. I rinse my hands off. The water turns red. I look at myself in the mirror. I look like a haunted soul, wandering the earth. That might be what I might become if Alex doesn’t survive.

I wait in that chair for two hours. I watched the clock. Counted every tick. 7,200 ticks. People mill around me. Some laugh. Some cry. Everyone here is hurting in some way or another. 

“Jack Kelly?” I stand up and run over to the doctor. “Is she okay?” The doctor gives a faint nod of his head. “She’s not conscious yet. She has a very serious concussion and several fractures. She lost a lot of blood. She’s lucky to be alive.” The world starts to move again. She’s alive. She’s hurt, but she’s alive. 

The doctor leads me to her room. She’s still asleep, pale as the sheets that cover her. I sit by her bead and hold her hand. I watch her heart monitor and count the beats. She wakes up just a little bit after she hits 6,000 beats. Her eyes blink open. She turns her head to face me. She smiles. 

“Hi, Jack.” I almost cry in relief. “Hi, sweetheart.” She asks what happened. I recount it, leaving out a few details. “You saved my life. Never do that again.” She weakly laughs. “You know I can’t promise that. You have the survival instincts of a squirrel.” Even after she almost died, she’s still got her humor. 

“I’m so glad you’re okay. You had me scared there.” I admit. “Going to take more than a car to kill me. I’m basically superman.” I nod in agreement. “Why don’t you get some rest, superman. I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise.” She squeezes my hand. “I love you.” She says. “I love you too.” I mean it. So much. I love her more than anything.

You never really realize just how much you love someone until you almost lose them. I’m never letting Alex go again.

[bigfuckingfrog]

thanks @morerevenge for the tag :•) i don’t do these often but i will just for you

name / nickname: kaylyn but i go by kay online and with friends cause it’s easy to spell/say

star sign: aquarius

height: last time i checked it was like 5’10 i think? idk i could be wrong

bday: 16 feb, it coming up soon :•)

time: 5:19 pm

favorite bands: don’t listen to bands as much anymore but currently i’ve really been vibing with mother mother

favorite solo artists: phoebe bridgers, arlo parks, chloe moriondo, cavetown, mitski, sufjan stevens

song stuck in my head: el muchacho de los ojos tristes is always stuck in my head as of lately

last movie: i started watching ‘i saw the devil’ but got interrupted halfway through and haven’t been able to bring myself to finish it

last show: does dimension 20 count? if it doesn’t i did start watching warrior nun a few weeks ago but forgot to finish it

when did i create this blog: i think it was late 2019 or early 2020 because i needed to feed my killing eve obsession

what do i post: originally just killing eve but it has grown to dimension 20 and the haunting of bly manor as well i do sometimes (rarely) post miscellaneous things that i enjoy

last thing i googled: what chemicals in the brain cause emotions

do i get asks: no i don’t think i’ve ever gotten one before

why i chose my irl: it’s my username for instagram which was a matching username to my old online best friend @/w1nkkkk

following: 109

other blogs: n/a, you think i can handle more than one? now that’s funny

average hours of sleep: like 10ish because i sleep in super late

lucky number: 7 or 14 (because it’s 7+7)

instrument: used to have a purple ukulele but never learned how to play i did also have a kazoo at one point but we don’t talk about that

what am i wearing: green shirt with yellow and white writing on the front and a crossword kinda thing on the back with lots of words, baggy ripped jeans that don’t have a zipper instead it’s a tie thingy, grey socks with white stars on them and black and white mock-converse shoes with a bit of red on them

dream job: working with animals

dream trip: amsterdam

nationality: american/australian

last book i read: i genuinely don’t remember i think it was something for school like briar rose or beastly

favourite song: honeybee by steam powered giraffe or soft by babygirl they both make me feel very safe and warm

whoever sees this consider yourself tagged because idk who to tag

[123abcdrawwithme]

all spg albums poorly described by me bc i can

album one: steam man band: michael reed voice: GUYS HOLY HECK LOOKIT MY ROBOT FRIEMDS THEIR SO COOL OHMA G AD clockwork vaudeville: now when you say you bought yourself a pickle- sound of tomorrow: the jons audible lenny face as he says “in the nude” on top of the universe 2009 ver.: RABBIT FUCKED A TOASTER AND UPGRADE KILLED THE SPINE THE GIRLS ARE OFF THE SHITS on top of the universe 2011 ver.: alternate timeline where the jon and rabbit kill the spine and deny him ice cream i am not alone: poor one out for upgrades 1 (one) song, shes trying her best ice cream parade: i don’t even know where to begin with this one brass goggles: LOCAL ROBOS ARE FEELING EMO SO THEY HAVE A SING ALONG out in the rain: splish splash they was havin’ a bash electricity is in my soul: okay but whomst the hell is that electronic voice who sings the “la la’s”? serious question who tf is it???? steam man band reprise: michael reed voice: GUYS MY COOL ROBO FRIENDS ARE GETTING AN ENCORE HOLY HECKIE blind minstrel’s ballad: ominous captain albert alexander: listen,,,, he beat spider hulk in an arm wrestling match,,,, hes really cool,,,,,, the 2¢ show: steamboat shenanigans: some say they sang so hard they really did make it to the moon and across the stars ;) one-way ticket: CHU CHU I LOVE U ju ju magic: jonathan giraffe what tHE FUCK ARE YOU SINGING ABOUT HONEY? ARE YOU OKAY? me and my baby (saturday night): the spines a hopeless romantic and he loves to treat his girl and his siblings support him little birdie: jon makes friends with a bird or some shit idfk rex marksley: the spines a hopeless romantic and sings about his cowboy crush and his siblings support him automatonic electronic harmonics: they want to feel cool,, let them feel cool,, prelude to a dream: hey michael i thought you were supposed to be the human friend whats all this about not being a human being?? mike? m-mike?? make believe: FUCK SOCIETY, TRANS RIGHTS BITCHES *EPIC KAZOO SOLO* honeybee: ah yes that one song we won’t ever let them forget bc were all emo scary world: the morse code says spoopy the suspender man: rabbit voice: yeah theres this guys who sold his soul or whatever how fucked up was that, anyway i want to wear a dress :3c that’ll be the way home: THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL the ballad of lily: oh boi we about to have another character song on this album airheart: character song 2 electric boogaloo circuitry: y’all good? mk iii: curtain raiser: beebop voice: STEVETHY SOMEONES TRYING TO PLAY THE ALBUM   steve voice: oh fuck steam powered giraffe: HEHE NAME DROP mecto amore: this is some rabbits in love again shit but with WHAMST hatch fever: hatchy is here and the album version does not capture how feral hatchworth performed this on stage a way into your heart: spg as a whole @ their fans: we love you all so much thank you for the support over the years :) <3 me through tears: bitch,,,,, <3 ghost grinder: rabbit and the boys on their way to the graveyard at 3 am to party with rabbits dead gf please explain: i stg everytime i hear hatchy sing “gum in my gears” i think he’s saying something else and i’m sure you can fill in the blank, but the thing that gets me is thats so on brand for him to say dsfdfg she said maybe: rabbit is just young old dumb and full of love these days isn’t she? go spine go: almost 6 minutes of hatchworth and rabbit being two year olds and poking fun at spine roller skate king: everyone sleeps on how good this song is wtf i’ll rust with you: me knowing full well this song is about rabbit outliving her gfs throughout the decades bc shes a robot: oh,, so thats why theres so many love songs by rabbit on this album,,, rabbit you good?? wired wrong: the spine you good?? fancy shoes: hATCHWORTH YOU GOOD??? steam powered giraffe reprise: we interrupt your regularly scheduled robot angst hours with that good weeb shit™ turn back the clock: okay back the robot angst bleak horizon: our lovelys saying goodbye saying they’ll be back to bring smiles on our faces soon as we close out to some ominous as fuck shit teasing vice quadrant the vice quadrant: the vice does tight: okay so the vice quadrants fucked up and the robots are very concerned by this on a crescendo: ominous foreshadowing thats so ominous i had to look up what this song meant lore wise bc i just thought it was the robots just dancing and having fun steamjunk: my dear sweet honey darling is traveling through space and I’M WORRIED ABOUT HIM starburner: low-key robo angst bc their worried about their souls being damned or some shit but its cute  progress and technology: david YOUR RANGE wink the satellite: wink voice: YOU WAS MY BABY MY FUCKIN CINNAMON APPLE burning in the stratosphere: oh fire fire: this is the most haunting shit i have no joke for this sky sharks: hoo boi the sky sharks certainly won’t be killing us all today, but climate change sure will daughter of space: PREBBY SPACE GODDESS HNNNGNNGNG star valley night: honeys you know you can just wait for it to be night time right? then you can go play in the star valley at night- commander cosmo: BITCH YOU GOOD? where is everyone?: THERE SHE IS MY BABY gg the giraffe: MY DARLIIIIINNGGG SING IT HONEY  the pulls: wink my darling y’all ok? soliton: corpse man and space goddess sing a really nerdy analogy about love and its gorgeous where i left you: wink seriously are you okay? over the moon: rabbits just done but shes gotta sing it and go all out with how done she is bc shes extra it’s cosmic: is the “alright!” rav?? also is this love song supposed to represent them causing more fuckshit and destroying the universe and just not realizing it bc their in love?? idfk man it bops hold me: whether from the perspective of holly or rabbit i weep openly at this song the speed of light: david: this is where the astronaut turns evil won’t tell you why tho ;) literally every lore buff: *listens to this song and tries to theorize wtf happened* rav to the rescue: local green space twink rescues his space bf more at 11 starlight starshine: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO the space giant: three steampunk robots fight a giant starbaby in guitar hero to save a satellites crush; a planet thats a huge apple i have zero jokes for this is already too absurd  oh no: oh OH OH? O H. OOOH OH??????????? o  h... oh no.... necrostar: evil pissrock possessed evil dead guy and is ready to cause fuckshit while the robots sing about how scared they are at the end super space blaster centi-asteroid invaderpedes 2: cute interactions with the robots! i hate this title tho whale song: wholesome shit to distract you from all the lore and foreshadowing at the end Music from steamworld heist:  automatonic electronic harmonics, on top of the universe, electricity is is my soul, honeybee, and brass goggles: me minding my own business playing steamworld heist: *walks into a bar where spine rabbit and hatchworth are performing one of these songs* me: HOOOOOGH heist ho!: yeah thats piper for ya starscrap: hi i’m in love for rabbit? prepare for boarding: GET IN BITCHES WE’RE GONNA OVER THROW THE PATRIARCHY  the red queen: capitalism? demolished. what we need are some heros: the spine projecting his love for cowboys onto the player characters the vast frontier: hatchworth: I’M A BAD BITCH YOU CAN’T KILL ME the stars: they made it lads they made it over the moon and across the stars.... also how’d they keep singing for that long aren’t they tired? quintessential: malfunction: wow i can’t believe spg ended transphobia i don’t have a name for it: love? i guess??gd fgdsghfdg blue portals: the idea of hatchworth going through the blue portals when i know they’re made out of blue matter is terrifying  overdrive: they want to seem cool please play along and pretend their green screen work is cool the ballad of delilah morreo: this came right the fuck out of nowhere but fuck its here now and its fantastic love world of love: wonder what other balboa park songs they’ll bring back, like never gonna give you up :) only human: i’d die for you hatchy salgexicon: they deadass wrote a song about their dnd campaign  sleep evil sleep: i guess we’re all evil BC WE KEEPING SLEEPING ON HOW GOOD THIS SONG IS TOO photographic memories: walter worker chelsea? come get ur mans- leopold expeditus: hatchworth: hey guys checkout my fursona dream machine: this song keeps me up at night with the endING I JUST WANT RABBIT TO BE HAPPY AND ARTSY BUT THE WAY IT ENDED WITH THE VICE QUADRANT RELATED TEASER MAKES ME THINK RABBIT PICKED UP A SATELLITE FREQUENCY FROM WINK ABOUT HOW NECROSTAR WILL KILL RAV IN THE FUTURE DEADASS I’M NERVOUS WHAT HAPPENED

[bananagrin]

𝔾𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕄𝕖 𝕒 ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕒𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕣

*medieval arrival trumpets BUT in ~kazoo tones~!*

Why I like them

IT’S QUACKERJACK!

Well first of all, fools are my jam. Jesters have the best costumes, hands down. Clowning is a neat art, too.

(I’m aware that jesters and clowns are not exactly the same thing, but they do both take a lot of the same kind of skills to perform. And comparatively, I’m more familiar with clown training than with however it is fools train.)

And then?? His thing is toys. He’s a mechanically-inclined wonder and he chose to make toys. He may be a criminal but his passion is real.

And then there’s his design. And his personality. And his voice. And the way he’s animated. Listen, he’s super fun, ok? He’s a fun character. Which I think is what they were going for

My favorite thing about him, though, might be how he can effortlessly fling himself between being goofy and loony, and being witty, sarcastic and aware. It shows that all his buffoonery is definitely a personal choice - and he’s not ashamed of it at all. I like this guy

Why I don’t

Well, he did kidnap a bunch of kids and essentially force them to work in a sweatshop...

Digging deeper, the way his history stacks, he seems to have tangled a bit with pride.

Can’t help but notice he’s a little competitive - even his brand name, Quackerjack, is derived from “crackerjack,” a word with a “wow” factor that means “excellent quality” or “the best.”

For a guy who loves games this isn’t very surprising. But it gives clarity on what turned him towards villainhood. From his anger at his toys not being stocked on shelves to the rivalry with Whiffleboy - all of that packs more punch if he’s been playing to win this entire time. How do you lose a company via designing a dangerous toy? Getting carried away from being too excited? Or by going overboard trying to crush the competition?

This perspective makes him a tad more villainous, but it makes much more sense to me. His backstory never clicked with me until I considered his character from that angle.

Favorite episode (scene if movie)

The Haunting of Mister Bananabrain and Stressed to Kill

Favorite season/movie

I’ll give you a riddle three.

Favorite line

“IT’S pLAyTImE!” “You wouldn’t hold a little thing like sanity against a guy, wouldja?”

Makes me laugh, every time.

Favorite outfit

The... one... he never takes off ever? (The googly glasses his Negaverse counterpart had were adorable though)

OTP

If I had to choose it’d be Megavolt, but I’d think it’s pretty one-sided. (To be clear, it doesn’t have to be tragic - ace/aro+gay relationships can exist, all you need is consent.) I’m not a fan Claire. Or the comics in general, really.

Brotp

Megavolt 1000%. I know I just said that, but jeez, the compatibility between these suckers... They’re gold.

Head Canon

If he’d be given some housing, some food and a therapist, he’d return to society faster than anyone else. I said earlier that Megavolt would be the easiest to redeem, but Elmo probably wouldn’t mesh well with society - he’s kinda weird, and he’d still believe lightbulbs are enslaved, after all. But I can see Quackerjack living more or less normally if he could have another chance.

Also, he L O V E S Christmas.

Unpopular opinion

Don’t like the comics? Does that count?

When I found them, I was okay with the comics. But that deteriorated over time, and I just... I don’t like ‘em. I don’t like the ~dark~ overtones that scream Edgy Early 2010′s Joker, I don’t like Claire, Quackerjack isn’t himself... I don’t like the way his bill is drawn - which is petty, I know, but still. The comics were a joy at first but left a bad aftertaste.

A wish

Make him fun and loony in DT17. I don’t want duck Joker. I want Quackerjack. Also more team-ups with DW

An oh-god-please-don’t-ever-happen

Uhh... I don’t know??? Please don’t kill anyone??? Idk

5 words to best describe them

Zany, perceptive, nimble, childish, skilled

My nickname for them

Uncle Jack is a term I use

[blondecarfucker]

Bed of Roses (Chapter 12)

Roger Taylor x Reader

BoRhap!Roger Taylor x Reader

Fic Summary: It's 1971. You just moved to London to study, and you find a band on a local pub after a bad date. The encounter doesn’t go the way you expect it, and neither does what follows this evening as you try to deal with loving Roger Taylor.

Fic Note: So I’ve had this story in my head for the last three weeks and finally decided to write it down. It’s completely planned. It will have 21 chapters and it’s divided in three acts: Dusk, Night and Dawn. It’s will be a bit angsty in the future, and it will most likely have some smut as well. I hope you guys enjoy it! Tell me what you think about it in the asks/comments/messages. PLEASE REMEMBER THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER OF THE STORY. If this is your first time stumbling upon Bed of Roses, thank you for stopping by! The rest of the story is in my masterlist, the link is in my bio - can't put the link here or else the post will disappear from the tags.

Chapter's notes: So this is a bit of a more introspective chapter - a bit shorter as well. I love writing these too - mostly set up as it was a few chapters earlier. But what is being set up in this chapter? Well, I guess only time will tell... lol I sound like an asshole. Sorry guys. Hope you enjoy this as well, and sorry again for not posting yesterday

Words: 1866

---

ACT TWO - NIGHT

“Everything is more intense at night.”

Chapter 12

You murmured the lyrics to White Queen (As It Began) as you kept on reading On The Road. The constant view of fields bored you in the first few minutes of your ride back to London on the bus, since you told Roger to keep his car around - and visit you when he got the chance - and now you were missing class on this Monday morning, hoping to make it in time for your work in the afternoon.

You were annoyed at yourself again - how you, once again, was unable to balance your relationship with Roger and your professional life. Your parents asked you about this sometimes, when you told them you would be out for a week to accompany him on tour, and you pretended to have everything under control. They sent you to England to study, and you did so - but you also loved Roger, and loving Roger was an activity that took a lot of your time and energy.

Those two sides of your life were usually in friction, conflicting, and sometimes you were scared you'd have to choose. But when you were wrapped around Roger's arms, it was easier not to think about it. Now, that you were alone, missing class and about to go to work without makeup, with dirty hair and casual clothing just so you wouldn't have to lie and call in sick - something you had to do many, many times before - it was harder to avoid these thoughts.

Also, you quickly found out that your work at the Sir John Soane’s Museum was uninspiring, unlike it would be if you actually got to work to the British Museum. You were not an Architecture major, but you were hired because your professor was close to the manager, and said you were one of his best students. And you could provide background to the neoclassical art, so it was fine. But it was far from what really got you studying Ancient History, and you were still working there just so you could network your way to the British Museum.

You knew that you could probably use Roger for this, and he would definitely try to help, using Queen's influence. But just the thought of this made you want to disappear; you were already known in your university and work as The Drummer From Queen's Girlfriend, and not that it was something that you were embarrassed of - you loved Roger and you were close with the rest of the band - but you wanted to be known as your own person. You even knew that most people thought that you were recommended by your professor for your job because he liked Queen and you arranged for them to meet, which was obviously not true, but if you acknowledged the rumours enough to deny them, they would only get stronger.

And Roger did everything he could to get you out of the spotlight, knowing how much you hated it. Unlike Mary, you weren't mentioned in interviews, Roger only saying that he's taken when asked directly, and only saying your name in interviews when he did them drunk. But people always found out you dated him, somehow. And treated you differently as soon as they found out, always being nicer to you, in the hopes they can get something from the band, until they realize you were not gonna do that, and then being cold to you, saying that you were a snob.

You always considered yourself a loner, but dating Roger really took that away from you as a choice; it was now something you had to be. You never knew when someone really wanted to befriend you for your personality or for Roger, so you were not able to trust anyone that came close to you. That distance that you had to keep from others made you even closer to Roger and the band, and that was a bit scary to you - they were all quite different from you. You sometimes craved not having to worry about all this.

But the moments you were with the band and especially with Roger made you hopeful; hopeful that your professional life wouldn't mess up your love life, hopeful you would get the job you've always dreamed of. Both things were deeply associated in your head, your two ultimate goals.

And it was easier to be around them and not think about pessimistic stuff; yesterday night, after you and Roger got back from the woods and went swimming naked on the pond - immediately regretting it when you had to walk back in the cold wind completely soaked - you both showered and went back to the studio, where Roger and Freddie tried to emulate the sounds of an orchestra with their voices for a song called Seaside Rendezvous. You were all outside of the recording booth, laughing as Roger did his best to sound like a kazoo. Usually, you loved to watch Rog as he did a high note or one of his famous falsettos; his control over his voice was always impressive. But now, he sounded like a cat screeching. "It's a work in progress, dear. You know how it is", Freddie told you while you laughed non-stop with Brian on the couch.

You got back to reading the book for a while, and as you read "I think of Neal Cassady, I think of Neal Cassady", you realized you just finished reading Roger's favourite book. You were both always trying out things the other one liked, like it would help you get a better insight to each other. A writer you liked once said that there are questions that haunt every relationship, sooner or later: What are you thinking? How are you feeling? Who are you? What have we done to each other? What will we do?

You always thought about how dramatic that sounded, but it actually made sense to you after being with Roger for three years now. What's the point of a relationship if not trying to figure each other out and say, with certainty, "I choose you before anyone else in my life"? Belonging. Relationships are always about trying to belong with someone else, you thought.

The bus stopped and you grabbed your duffel bag. You moved to through the station and found your way to the underground, and you looked at your watch as you found a place to sit on the tub. It was a thirty minute ride to your work from where you were, and you were supposed to be in a meeting with an international researcher alongside your boss in ten minutes. "Fucking hell", you said to yourself, and an old lady looked at you, pursing her lips.

You looked like a teenager, in a button up skirt, a loose Fleetwood Mac shirt tucked in and yellow Chuck Taylors. You definitely didn't look like a respectful historian about to have a serious meeting.

You got to the museum, accidentally hitting one of the interns with your duffel bag as you went to the locker to store it and brush your hair. You said sorry, but you could still hear her talk to someone else outside the bathroom. "She's already twenty minutes late. I don't know how she keeps the job", the other intern says. "Well, she's a groupie. This is just her part time job. I doubt she's ever late to suck Roger Taylor's dick if he tells her to do so", the one you hit with your bag says. "I know I wouldn't. It must be nice to know you don't have to work, just look cute and have your legs spread open every night and boom, your life is easy. That's why she doesn't care if she's twenty minutes late. She has her boyfriend to pay for anything she wants", the first one answered.

You wanted to punch them in the face until your knuckles were bruised just to relieve the stress. At that moment, they represented everything you hated about your life; your stupid architecture museum job and the people that will never take you seriously because you're Roger Taylor's girlfriend.

But you had a meeting to attend, so you breathed in, looked at your visibly tired face - you wish you had some makeup on - and tied your hair up, so it would look less messy. You went outside, saying excuse me to the girls, and walked to the room the meeting was being held in.

When you opened the door, you saw your boss, a look of annoyance in his face, but you were soon distracted by the man across his office desk. He had really short hair, even shorter on the sides - that was a bit of a shock to you, used to seeing guys with long hair - and icy blue eyes. He was wearing a plain maroon sweater, his shoulders filling it perfectly, and fitting dark jeans. He also looked older than you - he was probably in his thirties. His smell filled the room and hit you - he smelled like cologne. Drakkar. It was a perfume you haven't smelled ever since you moved from New York.

"This is my Greek history specialist, Y/N. She's usually on time", your boss said, and you shot him a shy smile. "Sorry, I had a bit of a problem with my commute today", you explained, and you felt the two men analyzing you; your boss was not approving your look for the meeting, and the man was just mysterious. "Y/N, this is the researcher I told you. He works at The Metropolitan Museum of Art. His name is William Antigonos Argyros", he said, and that caught your attention. Antigonos and Argyros are greek names.

"Or, you know, you could just call me Will. But it's up to you", he said, and you had to hold a laugh. But something else caught your attention. He had an accent you knew very well, even though you only heard it from your own lips, nowadays. He had a Manhattan accent. "Sorry for asking, but are you from New York?", you said, and he shook his head in agreement. "Born and raised. But my parents are greek immigrants, so that's the reason for the weird names. William was chosen so I could fit in more nicely", he said with a smirk. You laughed a bit. 

"You sound like you're from New York, as well. Odd to meet another fellow new yorker in London while talking about neoclassical architecture. But I guess Ancient History was never Manhattan's strongest suit", he said, and you agreed. "Where did you study?", you asked, and he answered. "I actually studied in Greece. It was easier, knowing the language and such", he shrugged his shoulders. You were admired.

"Mr Argyros is here for his research on Ancient Greece's influence in architecture. It's for a new exposition at The Metropolitan" your boss said, and you and Will corrected him at the same time. "The Met", you said, and looked at him when you realized the coincidence. This could be interesting, you thought to yourself. You really needed a friend - just a friend, you reminded yourself. Just one friend that was actually like you.

---

Chapter 13

Masterlist

Taglist:

@taylorroger-s @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @its-nessi @anamcg317 @frenchieswiftie @queen-danielle-dani-dan @minihemo @shutup-sorry @theyrealllegends @killerqueenisthebest @ashagracelove @hardy-s @fuckinghurricanesoul @secretsweetscollectionblog @mrswinterhater @11mb0 @tamtam-go92 @derptatosaur @patrick-the-stumping @phantom-fangirl-stuff @the-hysterical-queen @rogerofmylife

[aquaburst3]

One of the oldest ongoing debates in the anime community is, “Which is better, Fullmetal Alchemist 2003 or Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood?” Both series have their strengths and weaknesses. As for which I prefer and think is better personally, Brotherhood hands down.

My main issue is that the 2003 adaptation was that it was super melodramatic. Like so melodramatic that it took me out of the series and became super cheesy levels. The biggest example is when Edward get’s exasperated by the slow progress of studying the notes. There is a super long speech with dramatic music. I just felt that was really melodramatic and that they should just get a short, firm word about giving up. There were plenty of others times where similar situations happened like bringing in real world issues like WW2 in a super forced way and that time a super dramatic moment was backed by the theme song played on a kazoo.    

Brotherhood does a better job at balancing the tone. It carried enough weight and had enough depth that I took the series seriously, but had enough levity to break up the tension. Telling jokes and trying to lighten up the mood is something that is more common in war and military situations then what some might think, because you hear about that from war vets a fair bit. Wouldn’t be surprised if that’s another reason why the manga author added those sorts of jokes in.

Outside of that, the ending and the main villain just weren’t all that great in the 2003 series.

Dante always came off like a one off minor foe that the Elrics would come across on their travels, not the “Final Boss.” Her being a mastermind hellbent on using others just to stay young just seems underwhelming and nonsensical considering the acts committed by that point like genocide.

On top of this, the manga was trying to tell a grander and epic story, which tend to have powerful villains. The 2003 series is more character focused, which have villains with smaller or more personal goals. However the 2003 still has the elements from the other story, but yet has a villain with a personal goal…which doesn’t add up or fit well. While I can understand why the 2003 series had a villain like this, because the author was still writing the manga around that time, but the villain still falls completely flat.

Father, on the other hand, has a grander presence about him like Darth Vadar, Sauron or Fire Lord Ozai at that point in the story. He also serves as a better foil to Ed. They both seek to further their own goals by using Alchemy. Ed learnt the hard way while he stayed immature. They also have tempestuous relationships with their “father” Hohenheim. His goals made far more sense considering what happened in the series by that point.

The 2003 series also had a botched ending. It was bittersweet, which is fine since a lot of my favourite series end on that sort of note like Cowboy Bebop, Eva and TLGL. However, it make a lick of sense and was rather ill fitting, playing into the aforementioned melodrama. 

I also have some other minor complaints like Mustang killing off Winery’s parents rubbing me the wrong way and the art is kinda bland. 

Like I said before, I think the 2003 series has its strengths….

The first 20 episodes or so are a lot stronger and more fleshed out.

The Humonculi are better villains. Only Wrath and Greed are good characters in Brotherhood while everyone else seems rather bland and only served a purpose in the plot. The idea of them being humans brought back to life is far more interesting to me then them being parts of a guy’s soul, giving them more agency and character. They serve as foils for the brothers as well, being like mistakes coming back to haunt them in a way.  (Lust has one of the most epic deaths I’ve seen in an anime in Brotherhood, give it that.)

Some of the interpersonal relationships are more developed due to the smaller cast.

More focus is placed on the Elric Brothers and their struggles.

More focus is placed on the more moral grey aspects of the story like the Ishval Genocide. 

At the end of the day, this is all personal preference. If you prefer the 2003 series, cool. More power to ya. This is just my two cents.

[greatprocrastinationgodsledyouto]

Ghost emoji ratings

Until the day my cute and precious aye-ayes get much-deserved love and are #blessed with their own emoji, the next best emoji to rate is my beloved Gothic Ghostie.

***

Imma just start this saying that I don't get why the ghosties are constantly plagued by the notion that sticking their tongues out is the same thing is haunting. I want spooky, not spoopy. On the other hand, Tito would love his stink eye. You can tell this is a sincere stink eye. You best-a believe that the creepy taunting ghostie you're hearing down the hall rattling his chains is calling you, "sssSSSHHHOOOOOOBBBBBIIIIIIEEEEeeeeeee!!!" for all eternity. Killer insult aside, I don't understand why this ghostie is so opaque and given a gradient to create the illusion of depth. Who does he think he is? A politician? 3/10.

Damn, ghostie. Back at it again with sticking your tongue out at me, ghostie. This ghostie would be bffls with Blooregard Q. Kazoo, and I will fight you on this if you disagree. Points for mischief. Deductions for intense gradient shadows. Overall, I don't mind this ghostie. In fact, I rather like him. 7/10

This looks like if you took the soft vanilla ice-cream you got at your local ice-cream shop out of the cone, and made a face with some sprinkled toppings. Not a ghostie. Much disappoint. However, points for carefree attitude and for also looking like the cousin of a dollop of Daisy. 3/10

Back at it again with sticking your tongue out. Back at it again with the gradient. Stink eye is not overwhelming, for which I am grateful. BUT WHAT'S WITH CASTING A SHADOW. WHAT'S WITH THE LIGHT REFLECTING OFF YOUR BLACKHOLES FOR EYES. YOU INSULT STEPHEN HAWKING. YOU INSULT COSMOLOGY. YOU INSULT ME. POINTS FOR KNOWING HOW TO CONTOUR AND HIGHLIGHT. 2/10

This is the carefree sticking out of tongue done right. Look at that slanted smile. Look at the subtle but careful contour and highlight. Look at the optical illusion of a stink eye that magical combination has created. This ghostie would out-haunt Bloo any day and not even give a schmer. 11/10 stars. You get all the awards.

This ghostie is coot, but he's clearly having an identity crisis, trying to pick up local babes on snapchat. This ghostie isn't giving you the stink eye. This ghostie was on his way to say hi to his crush, before realizing he stepped in dog poo. This ghostie is having a hard day, and I support him. But don't show too much support, because then he'll become that annoying friend who thinks he's your close friend because you talked to him before gym class once, and now he thinks you're his Sun, Moon, and stars, but really he's just gum on your shoe. We all know this ghostie. If you don't, you are that ghostie. Sorry not sorry. 5/10

That's not a ghostie, that's a pacman character who got rejected from a Ghostbusters arcade game. Older annoying brother of dollop of Daisy. 1/10

Either a ghostie who wants to be a skull or a skull who wants to be a ghostie. It's 2018. I support this ghostie's journey *and* destination. Points of appreciation for unique gray tone. 8/10

A pumpkin dressed up a demon for Halloween trying to get pictures to send as headshots to be an extra on Danny Phantom. I respect this demonic pumpkin. Not a ghostie. However, since it glows ember on the inside, you will remember its name. 1000/10 because maybe demons can be ghosties too??? Idc, it's my rating scale

MESSENGER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING. YOU HAD A PERFECTLY SWEET LITTLE GHOSTIE, AND YOU GAVE HIM ANXIETY. H E H A S B A G S U N D E R H I S E Y E S S S Z, AND THEY AIN'T DESIGNER! I SUPPORT YOU, GHOSTIE. IF YOU WANT TO GO INTO ACCOUNTING, YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD. IF YOU WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOUR TEDDY BEAR MR. WUGGLES AT NIGHT, YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD. MESSENGER MIGHT SAY YOU'RE GIVING UP YOUR DREAM, BUT I SAY NO. YOU'RE GIVING UP *THEIR* DREAM. LITTLE BROTHER OF DOLLOP OF DAISY. 6/10

***

I reached my picture limit, so... to be continued. Part 1 of 2.

[just-come-baek]

Chills, Scares, and Cold Sweat

Pairing: Kim Taehyung x Reader ft. a pinch of platonic Yoonmin and implied Kryber

Themes: smut | angst | haunted house!au

Word count: 12.7k

Summary: Ghosts and demons don’t exist, so how bad can it really get? In the worst case scenario, we’ll end up on YouTube screaming like a bunch of pussies. Taehyung’s words, not mine.

Warnings: late BTS Halloween special! Scary! (Not really) Backseat smut!

Masterlist

Okay, chill, you got this, I delivered myself a mental pep talk, as I stood in front of the house, my grip tightened around the suitcase handle, head high. The sun had already descended behind the horizon, grey skies casting a spine-chilling aura, the thick fog only intensifying the effect, putting everyone into long-awaited Halloween's mood.

The last days of October are just like that; everyone is hyped about Halloween, preparing slutty costumes, throwing amazing, unforgettable parties, trick-or-treating, and, obviously, scaring the shit out of friends, sometimes even posting the horrendous pranks online.

This year, though, my Halloween was going to be different. Not necessarily better, but definitely not like all the previous ones. I mean... it's not an everyday occurrence to participate in a paranormal experiment. Or in other words, being locked up in a supposedly haunted house for a couple of days. Thankfully, they pay quite handsomely, and I seriously need this money.

What's the worst that could happen?

It's not like demons or ghosts or other spooky creations exist.

That’s what I call; easy money.

With lips pressed together in a thin line, back straightened, I made a confident step toward the house; only to shriek a second later when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

Instantly, I turned around, my hands raised in a defensive manner, ready to attack whoever dared to touch and frighten me out of wits.

“Your backpack is so cute,” stated the man around my age, beaming, his boxy smile making everything brighter. “It has those cute kitten ears,” he added, his hands stretched, as if he wanted to touch it, “utterly cute.”

“Don’t sneak up on people like that,” I preached, my palm firmly pressed against my rib cage, my heart beating rapidly, as he almost put me through a severe heart attack. “Anyway,” I started dismissively, “are you participating in the, hmm... project as well?”

Smiling down at me from under his hood, he nodded, “of course, I’m Taehyung, and you are?” he introduced himself, his arm outstretched, so I could shake hands with him. Quickly, I greeted him and gave him my name, his wide beam never fading. “It’s gonna be so much fun, isn’t it?”

“It depends on what you’re into,” I promptly replied, giving him a faint smile, “if you like being conned and pranked, since this ‘experiment‘,” I didn’t hesitate to draw a quotation marks in the air with my fingers, “is obviously some kind of a sick hoax taken to a completely different level then yes, it’s gonna be a blast,” I grinned innocently, studying his expression.

“Oh,” he pouted slightly, “so you’re a disbeliever. Interesting,” Taehyung spoke, and I could feel his glance on me, as he looked at me from head to toe.

“What about you? Do you seriously believe in all of that crap?” I asked, my eyebrow cocked upwards, as I impatiently anticipated his reply. He’s something; if he really thinks that horror monsters are real, it’ll surely be interesting. “I mean... whatever is gonna pop out of nowhere must be staged.”

“I don’t know what’s gonna happen; in the worst case scenario, we’ll end up on YouTube screaming like a bunch of pussies.” Taehyung replied, shooting me another smile, as he rubbed his hands in excitement. “We probably should get inside, I think we’re late.”

“Right,” I agreed, and Taehyung quickly grabbed my suitcase, “thanks.”

The porch squeaked the moment we stepped on it; from the outside the house looked terrible, only still in one piece due to a magical spell cast upon it; maybe even a curse, given the particular time of a year and sinister atmosphere around. From the inside, it didn't present any better.

“Finally,” a voice said as Taehyung grabbed the knob and pushed the doors wide open, a loud creak announcing our arrival. Slowly, he looked from above his tablet, his lips arched into a polite smile, his dimples on full display. “I started to think that you guys ditched,” he added, clearly glad that he was mistaken.

“Are you kidding me? Pass on such a sweet deal? Never,” I quickly assured him, as I accepted his hand shake when he greeted us, “nice to meet you, too, Namjoon.”

“Okay, before we start anything, you both have to sign this up,” Namjoon announced, showing us the terms of the agreement which were roughly thirty pages long, “basically, it states that we can record anything that happens here, and use it for further research. Also, we do not take any responsibility for any damage caused during your stay.”

Taehyung scrolled through the pages, his eyes moving quickly from left to right as he quickly skimmed the text, reading one every five words.

“Sounds legit,” he commented, as he looked at Namjoon, “where do I sign?”

“Just draw your signature with your finger at the bottom of the page,” Namjoon instructed Taehyung, the latter leaving an illegible squiggle under the date.

“Are you for real?” I asked, still unable to process what Taehyung just did. Did he seriously endorse the contract without thoroughly reading it first? Is he that reckless and irresponsible? For all we know, they could have a permit to legally harvest his organs, or worse.

“Don’t worry, there isn’t anything funny, it’s a routine procedure.” Namjoon reassured me, his arm outstretched toward me, the blank space at the bottom of the page waiting to be signed.

“Fuck it, let’s do it,” I replied casually before I left my signature in the right place. Right now, I seriously needed this money, even if the contract consisted of something I was against, it’s not like Namjoon had time to renegotiate the terms with me; it’s either all or nothing, and I really didn't want to leave empty-handed.

“Okay,” Namjoon locked his tablet, “since we got this covered, you guys must want a short tour around the house,” he simply stated, mentioning for us to follow him and carefully listen to him. Taehyung and I looked at each other, and he let me go first, as he slowly trailed behind me.

The reconnaissance was quite short; Namjoon showed us round the house and introduced us to the four fellow housemates. At the very end of the tour, he led us down the corridor, telling which room was whose. Mine happened to be across from Taehyung’s, squeezed between Jimin’s and Amber’s.

“I should get going,” Namjoon stated, as he glimpsed at his smart-watch, “shit, I’m late,” he added, his eyes roaming around the house as if he was in a panic. “Anyway, see you all on Wednesday.”

"What took you so long?" Taehyung asked as I walked downstairs to the living room. "And here I thought a ghost already ate your disbelieving ass," he snickered, and I immediately stuck out my tongue at him before I politely bowed at the rest and sat on the couch beside Taehyung since he's the one I was the most familiar with; Namjoon had introduced them to me, yet their names slipped my mind almost as soon as I heard them.

"Yeah, totally," I deadpanned, slightly jabbing Taehyung's side; that boy had it coming, why did he look so astonished? "Anyway, I have a treat for all of you," I started, as I placed a plastic bag filled with Chinese fortune cookies.

"Did you rob a Chinese restaurant on your way here?" A man with golden, fluffy hair smiled and reached for the ziplock bag, taking a cookie.

"No, but it's a funny story, actually." I started, obtaining his attention before he managed to crack the cookie and read whatever wisdom was inked inside. "I used to write quotes for the fortune cookies; the manager wanted them to be original and I kind of got carried away. In the end, I got fired."

"What does it say?" Taehyung asked, wondering what could be written there, as he couldn't imagine what kind of sentence could anger the manager to the point of wanting to sack me. "Come on, Jimin, read it out loud!" He encouraged, when the man scanned the piece of paper, his eyes squinted, trying to decipher the message in a tiny font.

"Oh my God, this is gold," Jimin declared, as he strived to refrain himself from ugly-laughing. "You will die alone and poorly dressed," Jimin read, and Taehyung almost choked when he heard the fortune. "Geez, thanks, that's exactly what I wanted to get."

"She must really possess some kind of power, I mean... what are those?" Taehyung asked angrily, as he pointed at Jimin's hideous sneakers. Everyone laughed at Taehyung's remark, and Jimin stuck his tongue out, acting calm and collected, although he couldn't understand the criticism; they were incredibly comfortable, who really cared that they were last season?

"I want one, too." A woman in boyish clothing interjected Taehyung before he got to diss Jimin more, and reached for the bag, eager to read her fortune. "Life is a symphony, and you are playing the kazoo," she read out loud, "why would anyone fire you for that? This is ridiculous; if anything, you should get a raise!"

Later that night, we're still chilling in the living room; demonic presence never making oneself known. It was just a simple get-together; six people in their twenties, a bag of delicious unfortunate cookies and a bottle of rum passed among them.

"Okay, let's lay our cards on the table," Taehyung started casually, wriggling on the couch beside me, brushing his thighs against mine all the time. "What made you guys take part in this? You go first Jimin," he asked with curiosity, his body leaned forward, his elbows digging into his thighs, waiting for the reply patiently, his eyes fixated on Jimin.

"The girl I have a crush on just got together with my friend, and I didn't feel like third-wheeling them, especially when they're in that honeymoon phase," Jimin stated, gladly accepting the bottle of alcohol Yoongi offered him. It wasn't easy for him, but hopefully participating in this experiment would take it off his mind. "Fuck couples," he added, and raised the bottle, taking another gulp.

"Salute to that!" I cheered, smiling at Jimin, completely supporting his views on relationships. It was solely envy speaking, but yeah, fuck couples!

"What about you Amber?" Taehyung inquired, as he looked at the girl, the bottle of alcohol in her hands.

"Actually, I'm just tagging along. Krystal wanted to go, because she thought her Instagram followers would love it, and I'm just accompanying her."

"That's true," Krystal suddenly interjected, tearing her eyes off the screen, "and they just love it," she added, every word just beautifully rolling off her tongue, "by the end of the experiment, the number of my followers will at least double."

Taehyung nodded his head, registering all the new information about other participants. "Yoongi?"

"Boredom, I guess." Yoongi answered dismissively, drinking alcohol as if it was water. "Also, I've been told I am dead inside, so hopefully, this near-death experience will stir some emotions within me." He added, placing an empty bottle on the carpet, "have any of you brought booze?" He asked, looking at fellow participants, hoping he wasn't the only one who had thought about getting wasted.

"I have," I quickly replied, unconsciously raising my hand as if I was still in high school, "but it's clear vodka, and I don't think we should drink it straight from the bottle," I added, and everyone except Yoongi agreed with me with a simple nod.

"I'll grab the cups and some juice, and you go get the alcohol," Taehyung proposed, and quickly, we stood up and went our separate ways to get what all of us needed. Within two minutes, we got back to the living room; swiftly pouring the drinks, each different with accordance to one's request.

"What about you, kitten?" Taehyung carried on, his gaze fixated on me, our cups clinking in a simple toast. Refraining myself from cringing at the nickname he had given me, I smiled at him and cleared my throat.

"I want to throw an amazing birthday party, and invite all of my friends, but I don't have money, so I signed up for this." I sincerely confessed, all of them staring at me, since mine reason must've been the most trivial one. "What about you, huh?" I boldly asked Taehyung, alcohol in my system giving me confidence and courage.

"What about me?" Taehyung questioned stupidly, grinning at me like an idiot, "Aww, look at your blush, is it me, or the alcohol?"

"Alcohol, definitely alcohol," I answered immediately, being perfectly aware that my cheeks turned scarlet red whenever I was drinking. I was attracted to Taehyung, but it didn't have anything to do with my blush at the moment; it was solely alcohol. "What about you? Are you avoiding my question?"

"I'm not, I just like teasing you," Taehyung stated, leaning forward, and I automatically lay back a little. He surprised me with all the attention he gave me, but I just didn't want to openly flirt with Taehyung in front of everyone. I hated PDA, and even Taehyung's handsome being wouldn't change that. "But to answer your question, I guess I joined the experiment because I felt like it?" Taehyung said, yet his statement came out as a question, almost as if he didn't know how to explain his decision. "I mean... I thought it'd be cool to try something new."

"Okay, since we've already established why we're here, why don't we get drunk?" Jimin spoke, trying to change the subject for which I was much than simply glad, considering the way Taehyung stared at me, waiting for a perfect moment to strike again with his playful remarks.

"Finally!" Yoongi cheered, as he reached for his cup and a fortune cookie. "You are all going to die here," Yoongi read the sentence with furrowed eyebrows, and I almost choked on my drink in horror; I didn't particularly memorise all the quotes, but I was certain that I hadn't written that. "Spooky."

"Are you okay?" Taehyung asked in concern, as he hit my back gently, evidently worried about me, yet intrigued by my reaction. "What's the matter?"

"It wasn't funny, Yoongi," I reprimanded the man, obviously not amused by his prank.

"I don't understand," Yoongi replied, his eyebrow cocked in a questioning manner, as he had no clue what made me act the way I did. "What wasn't funny?"

"The note," I quickly said, pointing my finger at the piece of paper lying on the coffee table, "I didn't write that."

"Who did, then?" He challenged, and I immediately reached for the note, eager to see what was written there. Yoongi's prank wasn't humorous, not even the tiniest bit. Quickly, I flipped the note in my hands, squinting my eyes as I tried to read it in my tipsy state. What threw me off first was the font; the one I held in my hands was hand-written, whereas the ones I had written were not. Someone was messing with me, yet I couldn't really tell who. It had to be one of the fellow participants, it couldn't be a ghost, obviously.

"You guys are the worst," I whined, crumpling the note in my hands, not giving them the satisfaction; they tried to prank me, but it failed.

Around two a.m. we called it a night. Unfortunately, when I got to my room, I didn't feel the tiniest bit tired, my eyes were wide open, not even a single yawn leaving my mouth. Perhaps, it was alcohol that they had poured me, or the cruel prank that affected me much more than I originally thought; either way, I wasn't feeling exhausted, anticipated dream way beyond my reach.

Having kicked off my shoes, I jumped on the bed, sitting up, my back pressed against the headboard. Quickly, I unlocked my phone, keen on reading whatever I had missed during the day. Slowly, I scrolled down the content, either liking or reblogging everything that caught my attention, or made me smile. It didn't keep me busy for long, though.

"Eh," I murmured to myself, as I rolled down, lying on the sheets. The brightness of my phone was blinding me, although it was set the darkest as it was possible. Thankfully, there was a working lamp on the nightstand, which engulfed the room with tangerine, weak light.

Suddenly, I felt cold; it lasted for not longer than ten seconds, yet it was enough for goose bumps to rise in my arms. Shivering, I turned my head toward the window, the curtain fluttering in the chilly breeze. It was strange, especially when I didn't leave it open. Sighing, I jumped off the bed and walked to the window to close it, only to furrow my eyebrows in confusion when I realised it was closed. There had to be a scientific explanation; the draft just didn't emerge from nothingness.

Before I got a chance to ponder the occurrence, I heard a faint knock on the doors, interrupting my train of thought. My head immediately turned, Taehyung's head picked inside my room.

"You're not asleep, thank God," he spoke casually, a sheepish smile decorating his face. Slowly, he pushed the doors open, gingerly entering my room, his pillow in his grip. "Would it be a problem if I slept here tonight?" He asked boldly, his gaze drilling holes in my eyes. "My room stinks as if someone has died in there," he clarified honestly, and I just nodded my head in comprehension.

"You can stay, I guess," I replied nonchalantly, as I wondered if I was his first choice. Didn't he prefer to stay with one of the guys? Or Krystal? Or whoever else? 

"Thanks, you're the best," Taehyung beamed at me, quickly plopping on the right side of the bed, "you're my life saver."

"No problem," I muttered and gave him a faint smile, before I turned my head around, examining the window again. It bothered me that I couldn't come up with a logical explanation, even when I knew one existed; surely it wasn't Casper the ghost, playing with the curtains for crying out loud!

"What are you doing over there?" Taehyung asked, his deep, worried voice pulling me out of my thoughts. "Have you seen a ghost? You look unhealthily pale."

"What...?" I furrowed my eyebrows, as I didn't register what exactly he asked me about. "Oh, it's really nothing. I thought I saw something, but it must be nothing. It's just the house, everybody says it's haunted, and even if I don't believe in that, it still makes me feel a bit edgy." I explained, smiling sheepishly throughout my whole reply, as I analysed his concerned expression.

"Don't worry, it's a natural reaction in these circumstances, everyone a bit scared even though they may not outwardly admit that." Taehyung assured, trying to provide me with comfort of some sort. "Hell, even I'm a little frightened." He confessed, and I let out a faint chuckle. The thing was, I wasn't scared, what I felt was confusion without any sort of fear.

I knew better than to believe in that lies Namjoon had fed us with; the supernatural beings don't exist. Period. He might've fooled the rest of them, but I had never been easy to convince.

"It's not I'm scared. Maybe a little uneasy, but that's all." I replied, striving to look as confident as I possibly could. "Anyway," I started, rubbing my hands eagerly, "do you want to check out your room?"

"Not really," quickly, he brushed me off, his body comfortably lying on my bed, his arms tightly wrapped around the pillow, his lips puckered, "when I said that it stank, I meant it. Actually, I'm pretty much surprised you can't smell it from here."

"Okay, let's just stay here." I gave in, not really trying to force him to leave. I truly liked his company, and if he wanted to stay the night, I'd let him even if nothing was going to happen. "But if you hear me talking in my sleep just ignore it, I am not being possessed." I warned him, but Taehyung just beamed at me.

"And if you feel as if a boa snake is trying to kill you, don't panic, you're not being attacked. It's just me." Taehyung announced, holding his pillow tightly between his arms.

"Sure..." I replied, sounding not convinced, "I'll remember that."

"Aren't you tired?" He asked, his head propped on his elbow, as he stared at me. I was still standing next to the window, almost as if I was too shy to lie down beside him. "It's like seriously late," he yawned loudly, not even covering his mouth.

"I was, but sometimes one moment I'm super exhausted, only to be hyper when I should go to bed." I explained, slowly approaching him, the eerie curtain occurrence almost forgotten.

"Yeah, I get it." Taehyung nodded his head, as he closed his eyes, and snuggled tightly around the sheets, making himself absolutely comfortable. "Amber must be suffering like you right now. When I was standing in front of your doors, I could swear I heard moans coming from her room. And if I'm not mistaken, they were Krystal's."

"Whoa," I said, unable to disguise my perplexed reaction. They hadn't made it obvious that they had any romantic strings between them. Moreover, if I had to tip who were in a relationship, I'd nominate Yoongi and Jimin; Krystal hadn't held Amber’s hand when rain started to hit the windows, it was Jimin who had got scared, seeking safety in Yoongi's tight grip.

"At least someone's getting some," I added absent-mindedly, the depressing thoughts of my painfully long singlehood resurfaced.

"I'm very sorry that we're not having sex right now. If I knew sooner that you're down to fuck, I'd save my energy. Not today, kitten." Taehyung teased me, his mind almost in dreamland.

"That's not what I meant!" I replied defensively, shooting him a disapproving glance, which much to my dismay, got unnoticed. "I'm thinking long-term here," I added, although I knew he wasn't listening.

"Good night, Taehyung." I whispered, as I sat on the bed beside him, ready to return to reading on my phone.

When I woke up, Taehyung was gone. Lazily rubbing my eyes, I reached for my phone to check the time and other notifications; it was past noon, and I must've been the only person still in bed. Despite a hot affair between Krystal and Amber, I doubted anyone had stayed awake to 4 o'clock to finish reading.

A loud growl of my stomach pulled me out of my thoughts, demanding food. However, no matter how hungry I was, I had to shower first.

Swiftly, I got out of bed and approached the suitcase, fishing out everything I needed: a clean set of clothes, a bathrobe, and shower necessities.

The bathroom down the hall, thankfully, wasn't occupied, so I quickly sneaked in, locking the doors from the inside.

Instantly, I noticed a camera attached to the ceiling; everybody knows that in horror movies, ghosts just love scaring the shit out of people in the bathrooms, so I can't say that I am surprised. God bless the shower curtain and toilet stall!

Once under the hot steam of water, body coated in a bath foam, I spoke in confusion, "what the fuck?" It was weird, at night, when I had gone to bed, I didn't have any bruises, yet right now, my hips and thighs were covered in a handful of dark marks. How did that happen? These weren't hickeys, obviously. I hadn't knocked into anything, either.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I stared at the marks, still unable to recall how the hell I got them. Once again, something odd happened, and I didn't have an explanation for it; perhaps I am not as smart as I thought I was.

Having pushed the bothersome thoughts aside, I swiftly finished the shower and put on my outfit which consisted of black, ripped jeans and a simple band T-shirt.

​​​"Look who we have here, the Sleeping Beauty finally came downstairs." Taehyung snickered, as soon as I entered the kitchen. Taehyung was alone, doing the dishes, while the rest lounged around the living room, either sipping coffee, or looking at their screens. "How was your sleep?" He asked, looking at me over his shoulder, sending me a simple smile.

"Short," I retorted, as I sat on the stool by the table, looking at the remains of their breakfast. "What about you?"

"I slept like a log," Taehyung admitted, as he turned off the tap and threw the sponge into the sink before he took a seat beside me.

"Taehyung, did we... you know... do anything yesterday? I have these... weird bruises, and I have no idea how I got them. We didn't sleep together, did we?" I mumbled, playing with my fingers. I realised I must've sounded crazy and confused, and thankfully, he didn't laugh at me. "It's really strange, but I seriously don't know how to explain that. I wasn't that drunk, and I was conscious the whole time." I tried to formulate a reasonable explanation, and Taehyung, despite me sounding batshit crazy, he just grabbed my hand and gave it a comforting squeeze.

"Trust me, kitten, I'd remember that." Taehyung answered playfully, rubbing his thumb against my skin in a soothing manner. "And are you sure you haven't knocked into anything?" He asked, and I shook my head confidently. "Then, it must be the house. It's haunted, remember?"

"I'm being serious here," I whined, and Taehyung tightened his grip around my fingers.

"Don't look at me like that, something's wrong about this house. At breakfast, Yoongi told me that during the night, he felt the draft in his room, although the windows and the doors were closed." Taehyung started, and I looked at him with my eyes wide open; Yoongi had experienced the same thing, and it seemed a bit too coincidental for my liking. It was strange, but it didn't mean that the house was actually haunted.

"It doesn't mean the ghost assaulted me."

"You're right, but tell me when you come up with a better explanation."

"Does anyone know the history of this house?" Amber asked out of the blue, obtaining everyone's attention. "I googled it, and it's pretty messed up."

"Better keep it to yourself, she's already paranoid," Taehyung interjected, pointing his finger at me, earning a jab between his ribs. I wasn't paranoid, I was just puzzled. "What?" He asked loudly, his grip on my wrist, protecting him from me.

"Shut up, you're not better yourself. Who came to my room yesterday? You're the scaredy-cat, just admit it." I fought back, wriggling my arms from his grasp.

"Okay, we get it, you're both chickens," Yoongi commented, as he gave us a judging look. "What does it say?"

"Basically, whoever moves in dies." Amber summed up, as everyone stared at her, eagerly waiting for more details. "The legend says that the family who built this house was brutally murdered by robbers. It is believed the man, right before his death, swore to take vengeance on anybody who comes inside."

"That story's lame," Krystal criticized, shaking her head in disappointment, "I can't believe that's what you came up with, pathetic."

"I didn't come up with anything!" Amber defended herself, but Krystal didn't seem the tiniest bit convinced. "I found this article from a couple of years ago, and it says that over twenty people died in here; adults and kids, everyone cruelly butchered, no survivors. Just read it yourself." She sat up and stretched her hand, passing her phone to Krystal.

"Still lame."

In the evening, when Yoongi found a stash of alcohol, the atmosphere loosened up; no one was thinking about the urban legend, our minds hazy.

"Do you guys wanna play? Krystal and I deserve a break," Amber asked, as she pointed at the table where Yoongi and Jimin were refilling cups for another round of beer pong.

"Sure," Taehyung replied for the both of us, as he smiled at Amber and grabbed my hand, pulling me off the couch. "Come on, kitten, we're gonna fucking destroy them," he added, and I shook my head at Taehyung's confidence. I didn't doubt his skills, mine, however, left a lot to be desired. Especially, when I was already after a couple of drinks.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Tae," Jimin warned, as he smirked at us, "we crushed them, and we're most definitely gonna crush you."

"I probably should tell you that I, Kim Taehyung, have never lost, not even once, at beer pong." With a hand pressed against his heart, Taehyung admitted, while I tried to fight the urge to start laughing at his serious approach. He wasn't going to play to have fun, he was going to beat them out.

"What about you, kitten?" Yoongi asked in a mocking tone, infuriating me even more with that annoying nickname he had caught on from Taehyung.

"What about me? You better worry about yourself because Taehyung and I will beat the crap out of you." I exclaimed and high-fived Taehyung before we cheered together, being confident about our victory. Hopefully, Taehyung had his self-proclaimed skills, otherwise, we're pretty much screwed.

"Feisty." Yoongi hissed under his breath, a lopsided smirk decorating his face. "In that case, we should arrange a bet; what do you think?"

"Bring it on," Taehyung replied confidently, as he sent a determined glare at Yoongi and Jimin, "what's the punishment gonna be?"

"We'll have that figured out by the end of the match, okay?"

Having cracked my knuckles, and heaved a sigh, the game started, me being the first one to throw the ball, as the boys insisted that ladies first. Surprisingly, I managed to score for our team; unfortunately, it was the first and also last point I notched up. Amongst the four of us, Taehyung was definitely the best player, yet with my awful contribution, it wasn't enough to win against them.

"In your face!"

"There's a first time for everything, Tae!" Jimin mocked, as he approached our side of the table, and patted Taehyung's shoulder with artificial care. "What are we gonna make them do, Yoongs?"

"Don't worry, shit happens." Taehyung spoke, trying to cheer me up when Yoongi and Jimin were conferring our punishment. "It's not a big deal."

"Sorry, Tae. It's all my fault. If you want I can do the punishment alone. It's fine with me."

With everlasting smile upon his face, he shook his head. Of course, he'd do that, given how much of a sweetheart I knew he was.

"Don't be ridiculous," Taehyung spoke, as he spared me a short glance before he focused on Jimin and Yoongi who're bending their backs backward, desperate to come up with a sinister punishment.

"Today's Halloween, maybe we should send them to the basement. If the ghosts don't hunt them down, we'll know that Namjoon has been bullshitting the whole time." Jimin announced, and Yoongi enthusiastically clapped his hands and nodded his head, agreeing with Jimin's idea.

"Oh my God," Krystal whined and rolled her eyes, as she took a short break from her Instagram profile, "you guys are so lame! Unbelievably uncreative. A sponge would generate a better punishment."

Krystal was right; the guys didn't possess even a whit of creativity. They were also dicks, picking a dull cliché from every horror movie ever. Going to the basement with Taehyung wasn't a problem to me, yet when Jimin and Yoongi opted for clichés, I'd rather make out with my game partner. Their idea was neutral, and I didn't really mind spicing things up.

Hopefully, Taehyung didn't either.

"Just let them, they tried their best," Taehyung replied casually, yet I didn't miss the sly, subtle smirk that he sent me. He was up to something; it was obvious, and although I didn't know anything about his revenge plan, I could only assume that Yoongi and Jimin would regret messing with us. Or at least, making fun of us. "It's really nothing, we'll crush them in the next round. It was just a warm-up."

"Yeah... sure....," Yoongi hissed, sounding unconvinced, as he knew we didn't stand a chance to win against them. Not in the next round. Not ever.

"Finish your drink, Tae." Jimin said casually, as he looked at Taehyung's cup which was half full.

As soon as Taehyung emptied his cup with only three gulps, Yoongi and Jimin walked us to the basement doors, eloquently calling our mission 'Seven Minutes in Hell'. Frankly, despite all the alcohol in my blood, it still made me cringe.

"Okay, what was about that look?" I asked straightforwardly when the doors closed behind us, Taehyung and I in the embrace of darkness, occasional squeaks of the floor above us heard whenever someone moved.

"What look?" Taehyung asked, as he batted his eyelashes at me, trying to trick me into believing in his innocence. I had caught his smirk, he couldn't deny it, and I wouldn't fall for that. He was definitely up to something.

"Don't act like an idiot, Tae. That look, I know you have some sort of a revenge plan." I explained, and although I couldn't see his face, I knew he was smirking. We're going to bite back at Jimin and Yoongi, and if he really thought I'd step back, he was awfully mistaken. We didn't know each other very well, but the playful competitiveness that had surrounded us fueled me even more, not really wanting to stop the battle now. It was fun, and I couldn't stop. Taehyung had to feel the same way.

"Well... I can't say I have a particular idea in my mind, but it would be funny if we managed to pull a prank on them, don't you think?" He started, and I nodded my head, agreeing with him. It was harmless. Moreover, the house was obviously a ghost-free zone, they deserved to experience something exciting. If the ghost didn't want to scare them, Taehyung and I would take care of it instead. "Do you have an idea? Hopefully, you don't lack creativity as much as Yoongi and Jimin do."

"I don't know, we don't have much time left," I spoke, as I reached into the back pocket of my jeans to pull my phone, getting blinded by its brightness. "We have like six minutes, I doubt we manage to pull out an epic prank. Unless..."

"Unless what?"

This time, I was the one who had a lopsided smirk upon my face, "let's see," I spoke casually, as I grabbed Taehyung's hand and led him downstairs, trying to omit random objects which were scattered all over the place.

"Do think that's where all these people died?" Taehyung asked, as he followed behind me, his warm hand resting in mine, his gaze focused on the back of my head.

"No, of course, not. If anything, I'd bet they were killed in our beds." I replied casually, and Taehyung tightened his grip, as he heard my statement. I'm not surprised, it came much darker than I originally intended.

"That's really messed up," Taehyung muttered under his breath, obviously crept out by my bold remark. Damn it, I really should've known when to bite my tongue and just shut up. Even if I had the slightest chance to get it on with Taehyung, I just botched it up. The prospect of any form of intimacy just sank like a stone. "Why would you even say that?"

"Sorry, sometimes I forget it's not the Internet, and that I just can't say whatever comes to my mind." I replied, smiling at him sheepishly, knowing the situation I put myself in was miserable, and it couldn't get any worse. At this point, Satan himself could crack the surface of the Earth and set my dumb ass on fire, and I'd probably thank him for saving me from this embarrassment.

And since I was already a lost cause, I could play a little prank on him.

Abruptly, I turned off the flashlight on my phone, yanked my hand out of Taehyung's grip, and screamed, sounding quite naturally. No wonder, given how many times I had popped out of nowhere, scaring the crap out of my brother. Just as I expected, the second the light went out, Taehyung let out a shriek, which was followed by a fit of my laughter. Taehyung and the guys upstairs must've just lost their minds, some of them maybe even convinced that a vengeful spirit just finished us off.

"Holy shit, it wasn't funny." Taehyung gasped with a hand pressed against his chest when I switched on the flashlight. He looked utterly terrified, and I seriously felt like the worst person in the world. Maybe I really was the worst person in the world, yet the temptation was way too strong to fight. I couldn't waste this chance. "You almost got me a heart attack!"

"Sorry," I apologised, trying to refrain from giggling, even though it was truly difficult; his voice normally is really deep and raspy, yet just a while ago he didn't sound like himself. I wouldn't be surprised if the guys thought that high-pitched wail belonged to me. "You have to understand me, though. You'd do the same, you wouldn't be able to fight that sort of whim."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Taehyung agreed, scratching the back of his head, as he admitted his playful intentions. "I'm still angry, though. I almost pissed my pants, you know..."

"Sorry, but look at the bright side; you're gonna be prepared when the real ghost conjures up in front of you." I expounded, yet Taehyung didn't buy it. I just knew it, and the skeptical look he was giving me only validated my point. "Ugh, fine, let's make a deal. If anything supernatural happens, I'll shield you with my very own chest. Let's say, it's my token of atonement, okay?"

"Not okay," Taehyung crossed his hands across his chest, as he flat out rejected my proposition. That was unexpected. Who normal would pass on such a sweet deal? "First of all, it'd really hurt my ego if a girl jumped between me and a fucking ghost. That's highly unnecessary, kitten. It'd much rather you kissed it better." Taehyung asserted, as he poked his cheek with his long, slender forefinger.

I couldn't believe he actually said that; I thought he hated me.

Because of me we had lost the beer pong game. Moreover, I was the one who had made him scream like a little girl. Was he attracted to me the way I was attracted to him? Was he so interested in me that he actually was capable of turning a blind eye to me basically doing a one-eighty to his image?

"You're serious?" I asked, my eyebrows raised, as I still couldn't process that he, I'll be jiggered, requested a kiss.

Immediately, his gaze met mine, and I just couldn't look away. I was irrationally fascinated by him, and he, surprise, surprise, reciprocated my attraction.

"What? You don't want to?" Taehyung inquired, heaving a sigh.

Normally, I'd panic and lie, fleeing from the basement as soon as I could. Right now, however, I didn't even think about escaping. I just stood there, gawking at him, digesting his words. It still felt surreal; my cheeks probably scarlet red by now, his eyebrows furrowed in anticipation.

What the hell was I thinking? I had to be an idiot; why, on Earth, was I pondering over his statement? I ought to have smashed my lips against his the second he prodded his cheek. The guys could call us any minute; we didn't have much time, why the fuck was I wasting it?

Having come to my senses, I eagerly took a step forward, his arms wrapping around my waist the second I was within his reach. Nothing really happened yet, but my heart was already beating abnormally in excitement. Taehyung had amazing influence on me, or was it the consumed alcohol? Either way, I wanted him, and Good Lord, I should not have been satiated with just a peck!

"You know what to do, kitten," Taehyung urged, and I rolled my eyes at the nickname which I heard like the hundredth time tonight. It was really irritating, yet I just couldn't formulate a witty remark, as my mind completely shut off once I found myself in Taehyung's embrace. Almost as if we were in our personal bubble where nothing mattered, the sinister surroundings long forgotten.

Gently, I placed my arms around his neck, pressing my lips against his cheek.

"That's not even a kiss, do it properly," he whined, his fingers delicately digging into my skin, as he pulled me closer. Immediately, I replied with a smirk, trailing innocent pecks across his cheek, only to hover my lips over his, enjoying teasing him. If we went any further, I wouldn't be able to stop myself. For a short while, Taehyung and I looked into each other's eyes, as we breathed the same air, tinges of lust racing between our bodies.

"Kitten," he started, as he licked his lips, the tip of his tongue lightly brushing against my lips.

"Hmm?"

Slowly, I closed my eyes and leaned in; Taehyung's lips were incredibly soft when he moved against me. It wasn't anything extraordinary, yet it felt just heavenly; no tongue, no biting, no sucking—it was just a kiss in the simplest of forms. Why did he taste so marvelous, then?

It must've been his natural charm, as no other explanation came to my mind.

Gradually, I started to trace the outline of his lips with my tongue, and Taehyung responded by slightly opening his mouth, welcoming my tongue with his. Taehyung's hands roamed around my body, squeezing my hips and drawing small circles with his fingers on my skin. I, on the other hand, was pressed against his frame, my breasts rubbing against his chest, his thigh between my legs.

"Mmn..." I purred quietly, when I pulled away for a second to catch a breath. "You're an amazing kisser, Tae," I confessed and immediately captured his lips in a heated kiss, slipping my tongue inside his mouth. Taehyung instantly replied with a grunt, as he grabbed my bottom and gripped it, excitingly yanking me toward him, the outline of his semi-hard cock poking against my stomach.

No matter how long we made out; lust only amplified with each passing second. Taehyung tasted so addicting, it completely shut off my brain. I could only focus on the kiss and ways how to prolong it; the revenge plan the last thing on our minds.

My excuses went down the drain at once, as Jimin's worried voice echoed, his head stuck through the doors.

"You dead?"

Ever since we left the basement, Taehyung and I kept stealing glances at each other; the kiss had been amazing, and neither of us wished to pull away. However, we both felt quite uncomfortable making out in front of the rest. (Or was it just me, and Taehyung just didn't want to force me into anything. Especially when I confessed it was me who had shrieked at the top of my voice when I had thought I saw a ghost.)

Taehyung owes me.

Big time.

The tension between us was driving me crazy. It was utterly ridiculous how much I craved to return to Taehyung's embrace to score every base with him. Shamelessly, I needed his arms on me, bending me to his will as he wished.

"God, I'm so bored," Yoongi whined, as he locked his phone and rubbed his eyes. "I'll just go to sleep. Wake me up when a ghost decides to show up."

"Maybe, it's not that bad of an idea," Amber commented, yawning ostentatiously.

"That's official, this is definitely the worst Halloween party ever," Krystal criticized, looking around the room, everyone either exhausted or drunk. (In Yoongi's case, both.) "At least, I am being paid to be here."

​​​​​"What the hell are you guys talking about?" Taehyung asked, sounding confused and disappointed at the same time. True, we hadn't witnessed any paranormal activity, yet it didn't necessarily mean that the party was horrible.

It was fun.

Especially my time alone with Taehyung.

​​​​​"We're all tired, Tae." Jimin said casually, smiling at the latter, as he didn't want to hurt his feelings. "I don't know what about you, but I couldn't fall asleep; I didn't blink an eye yesterday."​​​​

"Fine," Taehyung groaned, plopping down onto the couch beside Krystal, "it's just that Namjoon will come get us in the morning, and we will probably never meet each other again. I thought it'd be fun if we used the time we have to the fullest. You're like seriously an awesome entourage."

Taehyung's words stung. The really stung, and although I didn't get to know them as thoroughly as I wanted to, I knew I'd miss them. Everyone was different in many ways, and we, as a group, complemented perfectly.

Also, I didn't particularly delude myself; I knew that Taehyung would be a very short chapter of my life, and despite that, I still felt bitter that tomorrow we would go our separate ways and never see each other again.

When everyone went to their rooms, Taehyung let out a heavy sign, and pinched the bridge of his nose, "are you going to go, too?" he asked, as he changed his position, leaning in, his elbows pressed against his thighs, his eyes seeking mine, almost begging me to stay.

"No," I firmly replied, sending him a faint smile. I wasn't going anywhere; Taehyung was right, we didn't have much time left, and I didn't want to leave him. "I'm not even the tiniest bit tired," I stated, as I stood up, and approached him, sitting down beside him. Our little moment in the basement was more than just energizing; it was so refreshing I couldn't remember when I felt this good.

"Thank you, kitten," he spoke softly, and grabbed my hand, placing a gentle peck on my knuckles, "so what do you want to do?" he inquired, turning to me, resting his head in his hand, as he propped his shoulder on the backrest. "I believe we were interrupted just a while ago," he remembered, and with a lopsided smirk upon his face, he leaned slowly forward.

"Yeah, we were," I agreed, yet just when he was about to kiss me, I pressed my forefinger against his lips, stopping him. Quickly, Taehyung arched his back and looked at me in confusion; I had to be out of my character to push him away. "You have no idea how much I want us to continue wherever we left off, but look around, Tae, cameras are all over the place. Namjoon pays quite handsomely, but it's not enough for my sex tape."

Taehyung laughed.

Loudly.

"Oh, kitten, you amuse me so much," he added, and I sulked. Was my assumption really that far-fetched? That hurt — a lot. "Hey, hey, hey, it's not what I meant, please, don't brood. It's just that I don't sleep around, kitten."

"I don't either," quickly, I replied, making him smile again, yet at this point, I couldn't tell what it meant. "I really want to fuck you right now, though."

His smile disappeared only to be replaced with lustful glance, his eyes slowly undressing me.

Abruptly, he stood up and yanked me with him, "my car's in the driveway."

The second we entered the car, I slammed my lips against his in a fervent, needy kiss; our disappointingly short make out session had only ignited fire with me, and I immediately had to share it with Taehyung before I completely burned out.

"I'm not really that kind of a guy," Taehyung defended himself when he managed to pull away. I had my hands on his broad shoulders, my fingers slowly roaming around his neck, giving him the best massage I was capable of.

"I know, you've already said that," I simply stated and smiled at him before reconnecting our mouth again in another passionate lock. "I'm not that kind of a girl, either, but I really want you, so why the hell not?"

Taehyung didn't need another assurance. I just gave him a green light to do whatever he wanted to do, and he couldn't be more ecstatic about it. His mouth could be shut, but his eyes were pure sin, glancing at me with utter lust.

"Oh, kitten," Taehyung groaned, throwing his head back against the headrest. He was enjoying it, although I barely touched him. "I don't deserve you," he added before he formed a pleased smirk.

He was wrong, though.

I didn't deserve him.

However, it didn't stop either of whom to take what we really wanted. We desired each other, itching to reach that high together, even though we knew it wasn't the right thing to do.

"Shut up, Tae," I reprimanded him, tugging at the bottom of his shirt. "Are we doing this or not?" I challenged him and before I managed to take a breath, Taehyung kissed me quite desperately. His hands stretched and landed on my sides, as he pulled me onto him, his cock poking against my stomach.

"I'd never forgive myself if I rejected you," Taehyung stated in a serious tone, his eyes fixated on me as if he was going to eat me alive. His stare was of a starved predator, and I was about to devote myself to him, willing to obey his every, even the kinkiest one, command.

"I'd never forgive myself if I let you reject me," I snickered and rocked my hips against him, earning a throaty moan from him. His cock, still restrained in his jeans, was throbbing for more friction, yet he'd have to wait for the main course a bit more.

I loved foreplay and I wasn't going to give up on that, even when I ridiculously wanted to feel him inside of me. My patience was going to be rewarded, it always is.

"Not even once it struck me you're such a bad girl," he spoke with a smirk, as he kneaded my ass cheeks when I was busy raking my finger across his chest and peppering his jaw and neck with damp kisses, nipping on his skin in an urge to mark him.

"Because I am not. I just met a guy who brings the worst out of me," I teased, and Taehyung tightened his grip on my sides, giving me a slight spank.

"I wouldn't say the worst... I kinda like that new image of you," Taehyung confessed, and I smiled shyly, quickly hiding my face in the crook of his neck, leaving stamps of my plum lipstick on his skin.

"Oh, Taehyung," I breathed out, as I unbuckled his jeans and put my hands in his pants.

Taehyung hissed the second I touched him, "damn, your hands are fucking cold!"

He was right, yet I was certain they would warm up quickly with a few strokes on his rock-hard cock. "Better?" I asked when his lips turned into a pleased smirk.

"You have no idea," he murmured, his eyes close shut, as he completely focused on my gentle touch, caressing his sensitive skin. Right now, I felt so powerful, straddling him; his body was reacting to even the slightest movement of my hand. "Kitten," Taehyung murmured on the exhale, as he grabbed my bottom and forced me onto him, so I fell on his chest, nuzzling my nose in his neck.

Uncontrollably, I giggled, and Taehyung stretched his arm, turning on the radio, and although I didn't mind the current mood, the soft ballad that filled the vehicle created a semi-romantic setting.

Without any comment, Taehyung looked me in the eyes, as he unzipped my jeans and forced his hand in my panties. "You're so wet, kitten," he snickered, and I rolled my eyes at his obvious statement. If only he knew I had been this excited for him ever since our kiss in the basement.

"Don't blame me, I really want to feel that cock inside of me," I stated nonchalantly, pulling him into another round of lustful and wanton kisses. Grunting, I slammed my lips against his, and he responded in an instant, poking his tongue against my teeth, demanding entrance.

"I'd never think you're into dirty talk," Taehyung spoke casually, as he played with my clit, flicking it between his fingers, making all my muscles tense, my hips grinding against his hand. Slowly, he ran his forefinger across my fold, smearing my juices all over my pussy; God, even the gentle caress of his digits got me trembling for more. At this point, I couldn't wait to feel what his cock was going to do to me.

"Because I am not, but with you it just seems suited," I confessed, and Taehyung reattached our lips together, pushing his middle finger inside of me, making me almost bite my tongue. His hands were perfectly sculpted and his fingers were just right, filling me just the way I need him to. "Fuck, Tae, keep doing that," I moaned, my voice louder than the radio in the background. Taehyung added another finger, and began to rub my clit with his thumb.

"I really do bring the worst out of you," Taehyung sneered playfully, pumping his fingers within me, making me squirt on his hand. He really had no mercy when it came to pleasuring me; if he kept the pace, I'd come before the song ended. "Shit," Taehyung spat, as I started to shamelessly ride his hand in desperation for more.

"I seriously need your cock right now."

"Fuck," Taehyung pulled out his fingers, and his hands quickly landed back on my hips, squeezing my flesh roughly. "Get your cute ass on the back seat," he ordered sternly and pushed me upwards, helping me get off of him. With the grace and elegance of a noddle-legged zebra, I followed Taehyung's command, almost falling face-first on the seat in my tipsy state when he spanked my ass cheekily.

"Hey," I whined as I sat on the cold seat, waiting for Taehyung to join me, "it wasn't nice, what would you do if I spanked you?"

"I'd ask you to do it again," he replied wittily, and I roared with laughter, as I watched him crumble in the seat beside me, his movement almost as clumsy as mine. "Spread those pretty legs for me kitten," he whispered, a devilish smirk decorating his handsome face.

I didn't have to be told twice, I obeyed his order in an instant, whereas Taehyung hooked his fingers under the waistband of my jeans, and pulled them off my legs agonizingly slowly, and at this point, I didn't know whether he was torturing me, or himself.

Quickly, I pushed the leather jacket off his shoulders, and grabbed the hem of his T-shirt, pulling it over his head, revealing his naked chest and broad shoulders; maybe he wasn't ripped like a hockey player, but I liked his proportional frame. Without any hesitation, I could admit that he was ridiculously attractive despite anything.

"Take off your shirt, kitten," Taehyung cooed, and as if compelled, I got out of my jacket and band T-shirt, not leaving much to the imagination, since I was only in my panties and a violet bra that beautifully shaped my breasts. His eyes were focused on my cleavage, while his general expression was actually blank. "Wow," that's all he managed to voice before he grabbed me by my thighs abruptly and pulled me toward him, so in the process, I lay down on my back on the back seat, Taehyung already positioned between my legs.

"Taehyung," I purred when I felt his lips on the inner side of my right thigh. He was taking his time teasing me, and although it was nice, I couldn't wait for him to slam his cock inside of me until I come around him. Slowly, his kisses wandered upwards; gentle pecks all across my stomach, cleavage, and neck before he captured my mouth.

"Please," I mewled when he pulled away to catch a breath.

"Please what?" Taehyung smiled at me, rubbing his hard cock against my folds. Fuck, why do we still have so many clothes on?

"Pull out that cock and fuck me," I spoke rather tenaciously, as I placed my hands on his sides and pulled him closer, and he almost fell over on top of me. Didn't he understand how much I desired him?

"I really wanted to eat you out, though," Taehyung announced and licked his lips, as if trying to seduce me.

Didn't he realise I was already allured?

Twice.

"Oh my God," Taehyung tugged my panties to the side and tongue flicked his tongue against my clit, and I immediately buckled my hips upward against his face and clenched my fists, grabbing his fluffy hair. Every muscle of my body was tensed, my eyes tightly shut, and I only concentrated on Taehyung's tongue lapping and delving inside of me.

"What the fuck? Did you hear that?" We both instantly pulled away from each other and glanced at the radio which a second ago roared with deafening white noise. Strangely enough, it only lasted a few seconds, and I could swear I heard Jimin's scream.

"I did," Taehyung admitted, as he looked at the radio, and then at me, his frame supported on his arms, his hands pressed against the seat. "It must be nothing," he shrugged, and leaned in, kissing my abdomen, slowly pulling my panties down my legs. "The radio program must want to scare its listeners, that's all."

Taehyung's reasoning didn't convince me, yet I decided to follow his example and just shake it off; I had to be actually possessed to stop right now, put on my clothes back and check if Jimin's safe. Besides, he's a grown-up and he's not alone; he ought to be fine.

"Where were we?"

Quickly, a smile appeared on my face and the occurrence from a moment ago was the last thing on my mind.

"You were going to fuck me," I replied quickly, smirking at him. Obediently, Taehyung pulled down his pants to his knees, giving his thick cock a few strokes, "do you have a condom?"

"Shit, you're right," Taehyung cursed, but quickly reached into the car compartment where thankfully was a pack of condoms.

"You ready?" he asked the second he rolled the condom on his cock and positioned himself in front of my entrance.

"Fuck me, Taehyung."

Without any trouble, Taehyung eased himself in, and although I was soaking wet, he grunted as my walls wrapped around him tightly. Slowly at first, gradually increasing his pace, Taehyung snapped his hips, making me moan with every thrust. My breasts, although still in the bra, rocked in Taehyung's rhythm.

"Fuck, you're tight," Taehyung grunted under his breath, as he slammed his cock inside of me, his balls hitting against my body. His forehead was covered in sweat, and I was panting in exhaustion even we just began; his performance was amazing, short waves of pleasure running to every inch of my body.

"Just like that," I moaned, almost melting in front of him. He fucked me so good that it made me wonder how could he know my body better than I did. No one had ever made me feel this heavenly so soon; even myself. "Damn, Taehyung, you're killing me," his cock felt so amazing that it almost hurt. "I want to ride you, Tae."

"Fuck, come here." He hissed, as he pulled out of me, and I whined already missing his cock. It felt so empty that I almost felt bad for asking him for a change of position. Raggedly, Taehyung sat on the seat and placed his hands on my hips, helping me to sit down on his lap. "Ah, kitten," Taehyung purred when my sex brushed against his twitching cock, "I already miss that tight pussy."

Running my fingers through his fluffy hair, I raised my hips, and Taehyung positioned his dick against my entrance. Slowly, I sat down on him, my walls once again stretching around him. "Fuck, it makes me so full," I moaned, my eyes closed, my breath hitched.

Sensually, I rocked my hips back and fro, while Taehyung was decorating my cleavage with damp kisses, his large hands under my bra, fondling my breast. His touch wasn't too gentle, nor too rough; he knew what he was doing to make me feel desired and striving for more.

"Let me see them," Taehyung grunted, as he reached behind my back, unhooking my purple bra, tossing it onto the dashboard. "Beautiful, just as I imagined them," he confessed and before I got to give him a questioning look, his lips landed on my nipple. Hungrily, he sucked on my sensitive bud, his left hand kneading the other breast, making me slow my moves, as I savored the feeling of his tongue.

"Oh God," I moaned, digging my fingernails into the skin of his broad shoulders. "Taehyung," his name rolled off my tongue, and Taehyung immediately grasped my chin and tilted it down, pressing his lips against mine in a deep, haste kiss. His tongue swirled around mine, as he swallowed each moan that left my mouth.

"I hope you're close because I'm fucking coming," Taehyung warned me before he placed his hands on my sides, helping me increase my pace. The sound of our bodies, the skin slapping almost got me loose my balance. His fingertips dug into my hips, and I threw my head back, nearing my orgasm.

It was our first time, and although we both wanted to last as long as we could, I'd gladly reach my high now. I didn't really mind it as long as he was down for another round. Maybe not today, but generally. On my side, it was too fantastic to settle on a one night stand.

Hopefully, Taehyung thought the same.

"Just come, Tae," I breathed out, almost unable to speak, "I'm coming, too."

With a final thrust, Taehyung growled in ecstasy, releasing himself into a condom, while I fluttered my eyes when the shattering sensation nearly ripped me apart. For a brief moment, the orgasm overwhelmed me; my vision faded to black, and I was lying on my back, desperately trying to catch a breath, listening to Taehyung's irregular breathing.

God, how much I wished we could stay in his car a bit longer.

"Jesus fucking Christ," Taehyung gasped the second we entered the house, "what the fuck are you doing Jimin? It's not funny, bro." He added, and I looked over his shoulder to see what frightened him so much. Apparently, Jimin thought it'd be a good idea to stay up all night, sitting in a chair in front of the entrance with his hands entwined on his laps, just to catch us sneaking inside.

"Not cool, Jimin. Not cool." I added and shook my head disapprovingly.

"Are you gonna answer us?" Taehyung asked, crossing his arms over his chest, while I was just staring at Jimin, crept out by him as he not even once blinked since we had entered the house.

Hesitantly, I raised my hand and waved in front of Jimin's eyes, but he didn't move an inch. "That's creepy—" I spoke and shrieked in astonishment when the doors behind us slammed spontaneously with a loud bang. "Okay, Jimin, that's not funny anymore," I urged him, snapping my fingers before his face, yet Jimin remained unresponsive.

"Hey," Taehyung shouted, as he placed his large hands on Jimin's shoulders, trying to shake him awake. Unfortunately, his method also failed.

"Taehyung, look," I said, lightly elbowing Taehyung's side, wanting to obtain his attention, "there's blood," I added, pointing at Jimin's hands.

The second we examined his palms, Jimin shot a sinister glare at us, curving his lips into a creepy smirk. "Look who's finally here," Jimin started, his voice oddly different, as if an octave lower and raspier. He didn't sound like himself, and I was completely alerted. "I hope you liked your stay," Jimin continued and raised from his seat, turning his head in a very uncomfortable angle, as his eyes was drilling in our faces.

"Ha, ha, ha," Taehyung laughed awkwardly, as he scratched the back of his head.

"Taehyung," I whispered, as I tugged at his sleeve.

"What's the matter, kitten?" He asked, as he stared back at Jimin who licked the blood off of his hands, "that's nasty, bro."

"I don't want to break your moment over there, but I'm pretty sure it's Yoongi who lies on the floor over there in a puddle of blood." Taehyung's eyes immediately followed the direction I pointed at, and the second he spotted Yoongi, he pushed Jimin backwards. Jimin chortled as we tried to run away.

Oddly, the kitchen doors shut close almost in front of our faces, and this time, I doubted it was caused by the aeration.

"Okay, plan B?"

"Not really," Taehyung shook his head, his mouth wide open as he stared at Jimin in panic. "I must admit I counted on you in that area, kitten."

"Fuck," I cursed, as I tried to come up with a solution. I like working under pressure, but this case was quite extreme, as Jimin behaved like someone else, and Yoongi was lying on the floor, blood slowly seeping out of his head. "Stay back," I told Taehyung as I took a step forward, so he could hide behind me. I wouldn't generate a better idea if I knew that Taehyung was directly exposed to danger.

"What are we gonna do?" Taehyung asked, and I shook my head, as I didn't come with anything yet.

I was silent, observing Jimin. However, as soon as Jimin started to levitate a foot above the ground, my eyes almost popped out of its sockets. Like how I previously thought that all of this was a staged prank, I began doubting myself. Like before I knew a logical explanation existed, right now, I wasn't so sure anymore.

"Run!" I screamed and pushed Taehyung in front of me, so if Jimin wanted to dash after us, Taehyung had more chances of getting away.

"Over here!" Amber's voice echoed through the corridor, and we immediately followed the sound, running into the last bedroom on the right. "Krystal and I thought that Jimin finished you off like he did Yoongi. Thankfully, we were wrong." She spoke, and Krystal barricaded the doors.

"What happened to Jimin?" Taehyung asked, as he managed to catch a breath.

"I wish we knew," Krystal started, as she sat on the edge of the bed, her phone in her tight grip. "One moment we were going to rest in our rooms, and another, we heard Yoongi's scream."

"Quickly, we ran to see what the hell was going on. We saw Yoongi flying across the room, knocking his head against the wall." Amber finished, and Taehyung and I were equally crept out.

"That's messed up," Taehyung commented, and everyone nodded, agreeing with him. "What are we gonna do?"

Everyone was in deep thought; without a plan, we'd end up like Yoongi. It was three o'clock at night, and Namjoon was going to come get us at dawn. Right now, we had to be smart to last until then.

"Where are you hiding?" Jimin's sneer echoed behind the doors, as he strolled slowly, looking for us. He was taking his time chasing us, yet I suspected that he already knew where we were; he just played with us, making us think we stood a chance.

Suddenly, he heard a loud thud. Almost as if someone fell onto the floor.

"What the hell was that?" Amber asked in a raised voice, as she pointed at the doors. "I didn't like that sound."

"We should open the doors and see," Krystal spoke, and everyone looked at her, not knowing whether she was ridiculously brave or simply stupid. In our circumstances, the attack wasn't the best option; we would have to be batshit crazy to face the opponent, especially when we didn't have the foggiest idea what the fuck we were battling against.

"Nah, we're not gonna do that," I replied, trying my best not to offend her. I might've come a bit mean, yet Krystal's proposition wasn't the smartest option. No one in a right state of mind wouldn't willingly leave the sanctuary we were currently in. They might think I am a bitch, but at least, we would be safe. "Let's just stay here."

"What if Jimin's hurt?" Taehyung asked in concern, taking Krystal's side. It wasn't the place, not time for choosing sides, yet it happened. Taehyung was like me, no matter how stupid he was, he was worried about the rest. Without any doubt, he'd sacrifice himself if the group would make it without him. "We can't leave him like that."

Of course, we couldn't! Did he seriously think I didn't know that?

"Let's just go," Krystal added and smirked, and I immediately caught the difference in her voice. Amber realised it, too. Whatever possessed Jimin took over Krystal right now—that's why it was oddly quiet on the other side of the doors.

"Run!" Amber shouted, as she threw herself on Krystal, tackling her down on the floor. The second Amber's voice rang in my ears, I pushed the barricade as quickly as I could, and Taehyung and I escaped the room.

"We can't just leave her," Taehyung said when he looked over his shoulder, looking at Krystal, who was lying on the floor beneath Amber, chortling evilly.

"You're not gonna leave this house alive," Krystal threatened, as she laughed in Amber's face, effortlessly pushing her off of her. Taehyung and I gawked at Krystal whose eyes changed its colour to a very eerie shade of white.

With great dexterity, Krystal threw Amber across the room, smashing the old wardrobe with Amber's unconscious body.

"Run!" I shouted at Taehyung, pulling him with me, as we ran downstairs.

"What's your plan?"

"To get the fuck out of here!" I quickly screamed back at him, my hands instantly fidgeting with the knob. The doors just wouldn't open.

"Let me try," Taehyung proposed, and I took a step back, allowing him to try to break the doors down. Everything in vain, though. We were locked in. "Do you have a plan B?" Taehyung asked, as he hit the doors with his clenched fist in irritation.

"Tools? We need some tools," I said the first that came to my mind. I knew it wasn't the smartest solution, yet that's all I could postulate.

"Okay, just stay here, and I look for something," Taehyung stated and kissed my forehead before he ran off. It was very irresponsible to split up, yet I didn't even get to scold him, since he was already out of my sight. How could he leave me like that? I understood that he didn't want to put me in danger, but as a duo, we were stronger. I had watched way too many horror movies to know that splitting up was the worst thing that we could do.

Trying my best not to panic, I paced around the hall, playing with my fingers. I was left alone, and I didn't like that feeling; that monster that was terrorizing us could come at me anytime.

"Holy shit," I shrieked when I heard a loud thud. Thankfully, it was just Taehyung, and he had found a crowbar. "What took you so long?" I asked, relief washing over me, seeing him safe and sound. I had a bad feeling about it, yet it was only my paranoid suspicion.

"I returned in a speed of light, babe." Taehyung snickered, sending shivers down my spine.

Babe?

Oh, no. Taehyung exclusively called me kitten. He knew how much it annoyed me, he'd not change the pet name; at least, not until it grew on me.

It wasn't him anymore.

Taehyung was gone, and I was, now, face to face with a parasite that lived off him. I was scared beyond common sense, and I had no idea what to do. However, I had to figure something out real quick unless I wanted to be discovered.

"Yeah, maybe you're right, I'm just really scared, you know," I spoke, trying to sound natural. My hands were trembling, all covered in sweat, yet thankfully, my voice didn't break. "Are you ready to get the hell out of here?" I asked, smiling, as I reached for the crowbar.

"Are we really going to leave them behind?" Taehyung asked, as I turned on my heels, facing the doors. With my eyes tightly closed, I bit on my bottom lip, feeling the copper on my tongue. I had to be cautious with my words. I couldn't get busted.

"Don't worry, they'll be fine. Namjoon will pick them up at dawn, and we wait for him outside," I explained, tightening my grip on the crowbar.

"I guess that's reasonable—" Taehyung replied, but before he managed to finish his sentence, I swung the crowbar, and hit him in the head. The blow wasn't powerful enough to kill Taehyung, yet it was sufficient to knock him down. A thin stream of blood seeped from his head, but I didn't worry that much about him, being sure he was going to be alright.

"Shit," I cursed the second lights started flickering.

Using all my strength, I tried to break the doors down with the crowbar, but they didn't even budge. Desperately, I looked around, thinking of another escape way. A broken window had to suffice right now. Even if I was about to break my leg, I wouldn't stand another minute in this fucked up house.

Quickly, I swung my hand, shattering the glass into a million pieces. While clearing the sharp pieces from the frame, I heard a quiet groan. Immediately, I turned around and saw Taehyung who tried to raise his head.

"Careful," I warned him, as I approached him and crouched by his side.

"What the hell happened?" He asked, when he touched his head, wiping the blood off his forehead. "Why does my head hurt so much?"

"I'll explain later," I announced, helping Taehyung to stand up. "We have no time, Tae. I smashed the window, we're getting out of here." He nodded his head before I helped him walk to the window. "You go first."

Taehyung wanted to argue with me, but he couldn't do anything to change my mind. He was wounded, and although it wasn't anything serious, I was still going to force him out of the window if he wouldn't jump out willingly. Nothing would convince me, so he better complied with me.

"Quickly," I urged him, when Taehyung swung his legs over the frame.

"Come on, kitten," Taehyung spoke, waiting for me to join him outside. Shooting one last glance at the interior, I heaved a sigh, and squeezed through the window, landing on my feet beside Taehyung.

Naturally, he entwined his hands with mine, and we jogged away from the house, pressing our backs against the side of his car, slowly sliding down onto the ground. We were both panting, our breaths slowly evening.

"It's 4 o'clock," I stated, as I looked at my phone, "I should probably call Namjoon, but given that the house is packed with cameras, he's already on his way over here."

"Yeah, with a fucking exorcist," Taehyung added and laughed loudly in relief. "What are you doing next weekend?"

I giggled before I turned to look at his face, "I was going to throw an amazing birthday party, but right now, I think I'm gonna treat myself. I fucking deserve it." I uttered, and Taehyung nodded his head, comprehending my words. "Why?"

"I'm gonna intrude that little celebration." Taehyung announced, and I smiled at his bold words.

"Please do."

[snickerdoodlles]

in honor of the yoi 1 yr anniversary: 

Yuuri and Phichit are internet famous as "those vine guys"

the skating community is offended but Proud when they learn this

the vines are immortalized on Phichit’s youtube, right along with their kazoo masterpieces and them sobbing over dogs

Celestino absolutely makes Dad vines in retaliation for all the dumb shit Yuuri and Phichit talk him into doing 

Celestino listens to ridiculous n cheesy Italian music. the fact that he's listening with headphones does not stop him from passionately (re: loudly) singing along to said music

Yuuri and Phichit, looking for apartments in Celestino’s home: 

Phichit: we could stay here maybe????

Yuuri: but ciao ciao doesn't have anymore room

Celestino, cleaning out his study and buying beds on amazon: I don't have what now

Celestino is absolute shit at remembering anyone’s ages, including his own

especially his own

Yuuri once tried to smother Celestino with his pillow because he forgot his earplugs and Celestino’s snoring is awful. Celestino never lets Yuuri forget this, even if he is mildly concerned that Yuuri doesn’t look that remorseful

Phichit has an on-going “out of context Celestino quotes” twitter thread. the fan favorites/top tweets include:

“i just replace it with vodka”

“my hair doesn’t just grow itself!!1!”

“why does children feel so much like punching”

while Phichit’s favorite is “i close my eyes on you two seconds ago and now leg warmers haunt me,” it didn’t get him laps like the others and was therefore disqualified

[vampirerex]

Ask and ye shall receive. *ahem,*

SOLOMON REED?

STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING SOLOMON REED GOD DAMN FOOL INSTRUMENT MAKING DUST EATING TRANSPHOBIC RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE HALLOWOOD LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING SOLOMON REED

STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT SOLOMON REED I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DID HE MAKE SO MANY FUCKED UP INSTRUMENTS WHY DOES HE KEEP SKINNING PEOPLE WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT AND JUST SET THEM LOOSE ON ALL THESE NICE QUEER FOLK WHO ARE TRYING TO SURVIVE THE APOCALYPSE WHY ISNT HE DEAD ALREADY MY GODDD

THIS BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM THIS PODCAST CHARACTER DOESNT EVEN HAVE A FACE AND SOMEHOW I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST BEARD GET THAT AWAY FROM ME

if i wanted to get into heaven and god said Solomon Reed is waiting inside i would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down

if I have to deal with Solomon fucking Reed playing one more shitty church song on his shitty haunted instruments I’m going to download the whole podcast and shove the MP3 files through my fucking noise reducer out of spite, just so I can have the experience of relistening to the whole fucking podcast with him talking righteously about his righteous bullshit music over dead uncomfortable silence

I really started this podcast like ‘Instrumentalist this instrumentalist that, he better be some nightmarish creepypasta monster. If he’s just some fundie transphobic asshole with a sad gay backstory who likes taking people apart for fun ill go ham’

HI IM GOING HAM

I can’t believe he’s just called the instrumentalist I bet he came up with that himself I bet he looks at his shitty beard in his shitty mirror and goes “yeah, the instrumentalist, that’s me” I bet he has it on shitty little business cards what a pretentious asshole

don’t even get me started on how he wants to fuck LEM, I’m not touching that with a barge pole.

paypal.com/IFuckingHateSolomonReed

episodes not even about him. vaguely mentioned what is supposed to maybe be his shitty instrument basement and I lost it

where the fuck is Solomon Reed where is his church I’m going to burn it down with the laser eyes I get from my 24/7 pure Solomon Reed Themed rage

crusty old transphobic bastard man

if he speaks to my boi Percy one more time, if he even LOOKS at Percy I will stomp on him with my hooves. ill punch the instrumentalist and his sad frail old man twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and he will disintegrate until all thats left is one final kazoo he kept on him at all times and hey maybe the kazoo ghost will help me beat him up

im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point this is ridiculous

i cant wait for Solomon Reed to die so that i can make it a reminder on my phone for the rest of time and everyday once a year i will see it and do anything but pay disrespects to the man who had so many fucked up if true instruments

I think this fandom needs a Jurgen Leitner-esque rant for Solomon Reed

[shineethinks]

hi im a new shawol!! what are some shinee inside jokes? i only know onew sangtae helP i dont get milk and etc

hi bebs WELCOME TO SHINEE WORLD, i’m your mom now. this got v long with loTS of links so i put it under a read more!disclaimer: by no means a comprehensive list, i am but one human and i do not own any of the videos, credit is where credit is due!

onew: 

onew sangtae: something that’s renowned in fandom and it’s basically onew makes these situations or says things that people don’t know quite how to react to LOL shinee even has a song for it (starts at 0:23 but the beginning is the infamous rap from their song shinee world (doo-dop) and you should NOT miss that) he just kind of does things and carries on

chicken mania: dude really loves chicken 

ex: a lot, like a LOT, A LOT, (a lot)

ttakbam: this is a forehead flick that koreans use as a punishment for losing a game/bet/etc. onew is literally KNOWN for this in korea, it’s funny bc it strikes fear and panic in the hearts of his enemies (and members) 

ex: here, here 

can’t find his drink or man: from shinee’s performance of lady gaga’s “just dance” in 2009 

pinee: during shinee’s “one fine day” onew went to krabi where he introduces us to pinee

jonghyun:

michael jackson voice: dear god this joke has been running since the dawn of shinee. in their song 산소 같은 너 (love like oxygen), jong drew influence from MJ in his singing and onew mocked him 

(ex. here and here) and has been mocking him ever since. in their song excuse me miss (amazing performance) shinee continues the joke and imitate him as well 

is this the reality you wanted: jong’s catchphrase during their reality show “hello baby” where they took care of a toddler named yooguen. as they were all v young during this time (ring ding dong era) there were a lot of situations that jong was like “is this real life / are we really doing this” and that’s when he’d say it to the camera @ the viewers 

shortness & insoles: let’s be real, jongie is not a very tall man; he is smol and adorable and it’s fun to tease him about his height (honestly it seems like he’s fine with it as he seems to tease himself as well in the lyrics of “young and rich”)

about insoles: here

young and rich: here 

his kazoo: just….. he would and it amuses me to no end that he got shawols kazooing as well 

key:

girl group dances/wild dances: he’s the king of girl group dances; key’s able to memorize dances very easily after just watching them and he became pretty infamous for that. he has a lot of fun with them and with dancing in general 

girl group dances: here 

general insanity: here

possibly my favorite 7 seconds ever like you are idols p l s contain yourselves (during shinee world III in seoul): here

savagery: here

scared of heights&haunted houses: and they did this and this to him

key’s daily life as a living breathing meme: key’s know how!

my gucci burned: during shinee world V in dallas, key explains it here (he’s talking to jong when he’s talking about the drier). what a guy, what a meme

minho:

dibidibidi my name is minho (shinee world (doo-bop)): the iconic shinee rap where the famous dibidibidi was born and shinee gets their nicknames: bling bling jonghyun, powerful dancer taemin, dubu leader onew, almighty key, flaming charisma minho; it is ridiculous and hilarious and they kept it for nine years woaw 

flaming charisma: from the aforementioned shinee world rap but they always make jokes about it equating minho to fire 

ex: here, here 

his fkin loud-ass sneezes: he sneezes loudly; but on yang nam show, he explains (for the first time in 9 years) that he sneezes loudly bc he has allergies, he used to hold it in but the doctor said that it’s not good for him so he just let it out; after the members heard that there’s a medical reason, they feels bad man 

dabho: he dabs and infected his members 

taemin:

milk: this is from ring ding dong where taemin is drinking milk for no apparent reason (which is incidentally where i x’d out of the music video when i first saw it LOL); shawols joke that it’s because during this time taeminnie was 16 and still a growing child 

everlasting struggle against bugs: he reALLY hates bugs and recoils away (from the lovely @nothingbutsoulmatesjongkey) from them which is a source of amusement to both shinee and shawols alike. boy is a damn professional but when he spots a bug he will freak out even if it is during a performance LOL sos save him 

more examples: here, here (there are a lot) 

GUCCI SLIPPERS: probably the bane of shawols’ existence, a cursed image 

pics: here, here

mockery: here (also check out all of valentae’s stuff, you won’t be disappointed)

everyone shames him and they are the real gucci that should have been burned 

magic hands: a condition that afflicts him that causes him to  lose/break everything he touches; sometimes while he’s performing his rosary bracelet flies off into the crowd and a fan holds it for him until he can get it afterwards, he also just … breaks things like trophies and once on the set of “view” there were motorcycles that everyone was sitting on and looking at and when taemin touched one, it fell over and part of the plastic cracked (from 2016 weekly idol)

ex: here (sorry i couldn’t find an eng sub so i just did it here 1. he had to get a new rosary ring bc he lost it during running man when he threw something; 2. a moment after a fan gave a present to him, it flew out of his hands while he was waving; 3. during one fine day, when he was in switzerland, he misplaced his train ticket, 4. tries to open sugar packet, fails; 5. once shinee had to wait at the airport for a few hours bc he lost his passport; 6. broke his name sign)

hot chocolate??: from shinee’s “one fine day” he just looks lost and v cute and we mock/love him for it 

this video: i saw it and cried from laughter and my roommate was so concerned 

does not like cucumbers: same with onew 

when cameras are off: why is he like this

ot5:

bbu-syeo (뿌셔뿌셔): this is a korean snack where you pour the power flavor on the noodle crackers and break it (it’s name literally means “destroy destroy” or “crush crush”). 

shinee are models for the snack so they did a commercial in 2009 

for that one there’s a parody that some of the members uploaded themselves on social media (i believe it was key and jong) 

in 2015, minho, onew, and jonghyun came out on korea snl and also parodied it 

they also have another commercial released in 2016 

school of rock: a horror parody that boys did where they are girl students (this is where their names for GIRLnee come from though jong (jongmi , knowing brothers) and key (eungyo, snl) have different ones from other shows as well 

harry potter parody: a parody they did in 2008

the video: here 

shinee reaction 8 years later: here

monkey magic: from an snl skit in 2015, “dangerous manager” 

“show us a cool pose”: from shinee’s 5 second interview, from the part the video starts, it asks them to show a cool pose and all of the shinee members did the peace sign and taemin…… did that (also key speaks in japanese for his answers)

jams sadly: after a married to the music win, they decided to mock their own crying when they win an award 

honestly they’re just super sav bc they’ve been around for so long they don’t give a fuck and it’s hilarious to watch 

they’re the best group 

stan them, stan talent

[futuresandpasts]

Futures & Pasts | MRR #410

From Maximum Rocknroll #410 (July 2017): much-needed reissues of the Performing Ferret Band & Look Blue Go Purple, plus two new cassettes from the Australian underground via the Stroppies & Blank Statements. There’s also an interview that I did with early ‘80s No Wave/post-punk heroines Y Pants in #410, so if you’re looking to pick up an MRR back issue, you could do a lot worse than that one. 

The history of the PERFORMING FERRET BAND should sound pretty familiar to anyone with even a cursory interest in scrappy, flipped-out late ‘70s/early ‘80s DIY in the UK: art-minded school friends acquire a reel-to-reel tape recorder and try their hand at making music inspired by the dryly absurd sensibilities of Monty Python and aided by “a broken tambourine, a mandolin case for a drum, a kazoo, and a pair of plastic sandals.” Some more friends ultimately come into the fold, the band morphs into something more closely resembling a standard post-punk combo (now with guitar, bass, and legitimate drums), and in 1978, they record a cassette that finds its way to John Peel’s radio program (naturally). The first three songs from that EP became a 7” single on the Dead Hippy label in 1980, which has just been reissued by Germany’s Insolito Records with the addition of a fourth track called “Convenience” that had been previously unreleased until Hyped to Death’s PERFORMING FERRETS CD anthology in 2008. There’s that infamous quote from Mark E. Smith that “if it’s me and your granny on bongos, it’s the FALL,” and if you were to add some shaky organ and amateurish melodica to that equation, it might as well be the PERFORMING FERRET BAND. Flatly-delivered vocals, seemingly non-sequitur lyrics, clattering drums, trebly guitar lines usually consisting of two or three notes at most, the textbook Messthetics band, really. The group’s impossibly rare LP from 1981 is apparently also getting the reissue treatment soon (courtesy of Spain’s Beat Generation label), so all of you FALL/HOMOSEXUALS/SWELL MAPS freaks out there will have twice the cause for celebration - you need both records, trust me! (Insolito, insolitorecords.bandcamp.com)

Everyone I know who heard those TERRY records from last year was completely taken by them (rightfully so), and if you also count yourself among the TERRY true believers, the new self-titled cassette from fellow Melburnians the STROPPIES should have you similarly smitten. There’s an obvious reverence in these seven songs for many of the same foundational texts studied closely by the current cohort of Australian underground popsmiths that includes the likes of CHOOK RACE, DICK DIVER, and TWERPS - not surprisingly, the STROPPIES have some personnel overlap with the latter two.  The unassuming dual vocal melodies and freewheeling keyboard in “Go Ahead” are descended straight from the bright-eyed jangle of Flying Nun’s “big three” (the CLEAN, the BATS, and the CHILLS), while the comparatively moody “Celebration Day” pays tribute to the shambolic MODERN LOVERS-isms of the GO-BETWEENS’ early singles, and “No Joke” recalls the sort of US indie rock/slacker-pop championed in the early-to-mid ‘90s by fanzine writers and college radio DJs with multiple BUTTERGLORY and PAVEMENT records in their collections. DIY pop perfection, because Australia really does it better.

Half of the STROPPIES are also in BLANK STATEMENTS, who have their own new tape on Melbourne’s Hobbies Galore label as well. Signs Are Rampant largely dispenses with the chiming melodicism of the STROPPIES’ more overt Kiwi influences, instead putting minimalist, super-rhythmic bass lines and wobbly, droning organ at the forefront of their skeletal songs. At their most raucous, BLANK STATEMENTS sound like a lost femme-punk band in the KLEENEX tradition, like on “Accelerate,” which consists of little more than a minute of choppy snare hits, synth squealing in the background, and a delirious, repetitive group chant of “accelerate and break!”. But overall, Signs Are Rampant leans much closer to the homespun, paper-thin aesthetic of the bands that occupied the fringes of the pre-C86 Rough Trade/Cherry Red post-punk milieu - the MARINE GIRLS especially, but with traces of DOLLY MIXTURE and YOUNG MARBLE GIANTS hiding just beneath the surface, and more than a few nods given to the K Records-backed primitive-pop of fellow Aussies the CANNANES. Both cassettes are limited to 100 copies each, and I’d jump on them if you get the chance. (Hobbies Galore, hobbiesgalore.bandcamp.com)

Speaking of Flying Nun and the whole Dunedin sound, the brilliant all-female quintet LOOK BLUE GO PURPLE have often been lost in the shadow of some of their more well-known (and largely all-male) early-to-mid ‘80s contemporaries, although in my world, they’ve always been just as important as, say, the CLEAN, if not even more so. The three 12” EPs that they released between 1985 and 1988 have been incredibly hard to track down at non-collector scum prices for some time now, so Still Bewitched, Flying Nun’s new LOOK BLUE GO PURPLE double LP anthology, is honestly a dream come true (and this particular dream even includes seven previously unreleased live songs!). As you’d probably expect from any band that was a part of Flying Nun’s more pop-oriented faction, there’s plenty of frenetic guitar jangle in the mix, but LOOK BLUE GO PURPLE’s haunting multi-part harmonies, propulsive drumming, and flashes of darkly psychedelic organ paid one of the most sincere tributes to the VELVET UNDERGROUND in the 1980s, putting them on a similar wavelength as the FEELIES over in New Jersey at roughly the same time. The overlapping vocal melodies and knotted, shadowy post-punk undercurrent running through songs like “Hiawatha” and “Safety in Crosswords” also make it easy to understand why the band were often hailed as New Zealand’s version of the RAINCOATS (especially during the latter’s Odyshape/Moving era), while LBGP were never quite as spiky and ecstatically raw as their English counterparts - see the plaintive minor chords and ethereal flute centered in “As Does the Sun” or “Days of Old,” which aren’t very far removed from the atmospheric drones of late ‘60s acid folk. We’re barely halfway through 2017 and I’m already going to go ahead and call this one as the reissue of the year. (Flying Nun, flyingnun.co.nz)