#why does my brain make these weird connections that aren't there

[oliapfel]

.......... Same energy (?)

stop that, boy

[fox-mulder-gets-pegged]

The funny thing about owning a cat with severe anxiety and (suspected) brain damage is sometimes things that were ok yesterday are now far far far too scary today.

Case in point, yesterday the wet food dish was bringer of Food and Yum, today it's so so so so scary too scary can't go near it please feed me with a different bowl or I'll cry and cry and cry.

[evilminji]

You know my Crechelings Are Possessed post?

What if it was just the one? A SI-OC or OC?

Dying and going THROUGH the Force? I will attest, is GONNA have side effects. You're gonna end up... weird. Not Normal for a Force Sensitive. Kinda like Anikin tbh. A bit TOO in tune. A bit TOO aware. Connected.

As though your brain was cracked open 5+ dimensionally, to the Whole Of Creation that IS the Force and it kinda fucked you up a bit. Cause as A Luminous Force Being? You were fine! Energy and light! But as MATTER? Well...

Matter breaks.

Can withstand only so much.

We are LIMITED by our matter, crude and flawed as it is. Beloved as it may be.

Cause make no mistake! You aren't BROKEN. But you are CHANGED. There were a series of clear, monumentous, and "life" altering events back to back here! Death, a traumatizing thing no matter HOW peaceful it may have been. And in all likelihood? It was NOT a peaceful end. It probably? Hurt. Was frightening. Abrupt. There is grief and hurt there. Fear.

Then the trauma of being separated from everyone we have ever known. Without closure. For them OR us. Our empathy would remind us of their suffering. That they do NOT know we are okay. That we have no way to TELL them we are. This too, is trauma. But? Worse?

Is the Force.

We? Are no Jedi. Not yet. We are confused. Lost and do not understand. It is FOREIGN to us. An outside will that we cannot escape. Where are our gods? The death we expected? The afterlife we assumed we would meet? It's INSIDE US. It IS US. We are IT. We don't know where we are and everything feels?

E N D L E S S .

Can force ghosts even cry? Weep, terrified and overwhelmed? Afraid? Simply BRINGING us to them would not impart understanding. And imparting understanding? Well... we know it to be not OF us? To be inflicted. An invasion. The Force is not cruel. But! Importantly! It is not and has never BEEN? Mortal.

Blue and Orange morality is at play. How do you explain to a formless, infinite, all knowing, all powerful God Force? The concept of "boundaries"? Limits? There is GOOD to be done. It's helping you! Pushing love and comfort! Surely that should work? Why is that not working? It is... confused. Not MADE for such contemplations.

This too, is Trauma. Being held in the hands of a God. Benevolent does not mean SAFE. Does not mean you will not be unharmed. Just... that they do not MEAN to harm you.

Or have very Good Reasons for why they "Must".

The Force Ghosts help. They are patient in the way only old Master's could be. Kind. They understand. Have taught. And so? Though they are quite confused, they understand you struggle to release your fear. Explaining things helps. Talking helps. And you find peace.

Not the afterlife you EXPECTED, but not terrible.

Which... of course, is when once again things change.

Birth, Life, these TOO, are Trauma. You were FREE. No more pain. No aches. No hunger, no thirst, no exhaustion. Connection deeper then this broken and flawed matter could ever hope to achieve. The world has gone SILENT. Muffled. Like solitary confinement for the SOUL.

Only in meditation, are you FREE.

Your parents can't handle you. You grieve for them. For the child they should have had. Look around the nursery, so filled with excitement and love, and feel nothing but the urge to weep. You are a stillborn, brought to life. A child stolen. They deserved better then this. Even as you can not be anything but what you ARE? What of THEIR sorrow? Their confusion and futures now impossible?

You love them. They are not yours. Will never tryely be your parents, for all they brought you into this world. But oh, Oh, you love these poor grieving souls. Wish it had not been you. That they could have had the child they were so excited to love. You... you are sorry. So, so sorry.

They take you to the Temple. You guild them to a child in need, first. Hope they will be happy.

You do not look back.

They put you in a Creche with others just as "Unusually Strong" in the Force. Is that Grogu? Hi Grogu. Who are the rest of you? The room is quite. Everyone talking loudly in the Force, instead. It would be deafening for the more delicate younglings. They don't have the shields for it yet. The children here SHOUT without meaning too, like standing at a rock concert.

Visions are a constant thing. Unusual Force gifts and manifestations. Illirrrska can see auras. Doesn't know what they MEAN, mind you, and xe sees them on EVERYTHING that lives, but still! Xey are well on xeir way to figuring it out. (Xey have a holo document cataloging the colors, you see.)

You fit right in! With your Tiny Herald Of Death To Come nature. Your Creche mates believe you. The adults? Have grown numb. Used to filtering. Tiny younglings with Too Much Force flowing through them? Are horrors. Viscerally unsettling. Unnatural.

Even to the Jedi.

But! They REFUSE to treat children with such caution and distain. Hold them at an arms length out of FEAR. So they mentally filter. "That's nice dear, horrifying concepts and brain melting secrets, mmmhmmm. Eat your pudding. Who wants to play float ball~‽ Yaaaaaay!"

No one will listen. Future in motion. But really, of course it is. You are no fool.

However... tell me, Master Jedi. Does it matter? If we die one step to the right as apposed to the left? Because you would not LISTEN when the Force spoke? The future only changes when you ACT. Not when you REFUSE too. Out of FEAR. Out of IGNORANCE. Out of ATTACHMENT.

And make no mistake, you ARE attached. Clinging so hard to your beliefs that you could not POSSIBLY be wrong. Could not POSSIBLY be fallible, be fooled by the Dark Side and lead astray, that you have turned your back on the very Tennants of the Code itself.

What is more important? Tradition or the Force? The innocent or the way things were? Tell me, what is the will of the Force... and what is Fear? Convenience? The little moral compromises that damn? Who do you serve, Master Jedi? And ARE you serving them?

Perhaps you should meditate.

Just???

This Tiny Cryptid Crecheling? That speaks like a wizened old Master? Feels like a tiny star in the Force? Not a cute lil ball of light. A FUCKING STAR. Giant ball of gas in space, a burning ball of light, THAT kind of star! But... small? Person shaped. It's like meditating next to a Force Nexus.

They just? Hand you things. Or sabotage random ships. Literally just FUCKING SHOT a knight once, for no clear reason! All they would say is "it's not like you'll actually listen. This is the only way." What? Of COURSE WE'LL LISTEN! (No. They won't. Just ask Sifo. Ask Obi-Wan. The Sith, fear, and hubris have eroded the Jedi from within.)

The full blown confidence of an adult? Combined with the creepy "oh god. They're in THE VENTS!!!" Nature of highly force sensitive Crechelings?

Magnificent~☆

They can see into your SOUL. Are holding a toddler that squirms around, wiggles up to whisper in their ear, gets a nod, only for YOU to be somberly informed that your second in command (a life long friend) has betrayed you. Avoid wearing red. You will die on a Friday. By the way, they can't reach the counter... could you hand them those snacks?

One of the other one speaks to trees.

The trees SPEAK BACK.

Prophecy. Fuckin Terrifying Prophecy EVERYWHERE.

Did YOU want to know that your grandson will grow up to kill his brother? No? Too bad! Not even married yet? ALSO TOO BAD! Have FUN with that knowledge! How about learning that there is horrific suffering planets away? No. No there ISN'T anything you can do about it. Just... here! Have some Deeply Cursed Knowledge. From a toddler. Now! They're gonna go eat grass~☆

The appear and disappear at random. Climb the walls. Fuckin FLOAT. The Force itself is their imaginary friend! They literally consult it over PUDDING CHOICES. Sometimes? They talk in perfect synchronization, like a hive mind. Stare without blinking. One moment they are perfectly normal children... the next? Like PUPPETS.

Tiny avatars. Through which SOMETHING GREATER speaks. They KNOW, not think, KNOW what they need to do. You can not convince them. Trying just makes you an obstacle to be overcome.

They are four.

Toddlers and children. Younglings. Initiates!

I just? Want there to be? A portion of Deeply Cursed/Possessed Crechelings? That are just LIKE that. Loved regardless. Nothing wrong with them. They're just too strong for their lil bitty baby brains. Once they learn to shield better? It'll balance out. Anikin would have gone there, had he been found young.

It'd be hilarious? If what saves the galaxy? Is someone finally REMEMBERING that? And thinking to themselves?

"Hey, you know what might be good for that Skywalker kid? Being exposed to more Force Sensitives that GET him. We should put him on Cursed Crechelings duty for a bit." And??

Anikin? Is in LOVE? They are all so SMOL an NORMAL? Finally! Jedi who aren't EMOTIONALLY DISTANT! Shielded? What do mean "Shielded"? No I'm not shouting all the time! This is my normal speaking voice! *Skywalker confusion as he cuddles babies*

Cause like? He too? Spoke in horrifying prophecy? Was vaguely Anti-christ-y? Did the (o.o) see into your sooooooul stare? So WHAT? That's just how babies ARE!

.....what do you MEAN "no"?

Every day, throwing open Obi-Wan's poor, slowly being destroyed, front door like "Master! Did you know I am AN OUTLIER!? And REALLY LOUD!? Other people aren't emotionally crippled psychopaths, they're just really REALLY quite compared to me!!" "Ah. Yes, Anikin, please. Maybe say that LOUDER. I don't think the ENTIRE temple quite heard you... -_- "

Just?? Anikin Skywalker! And his Hoard of Creepy Possessed Crechelings that are TOTALLY NORMAL, Guys! All kids are like this! He's a GREAT role model and baby sitting! Yeah, it's the Clone wars, and no, he has NO idea how the entire Creche got onto the ship... but hey! Enrichment! That's good for them, right?

(^-^) (o.o) (|o.o|) (o,o) (o-o) (|o,o|)

*clones look from their general, to the tiny unblinking magic jedi babies, back to their general* s-sure?

@legitimatesatanspawn @spidori @babbling-babull @hdgnj @hypewinter @leftnotright @starwarsblr

[the-hydroxian-artblog]

Do your robots dream of electric sheep, or do they simply wish they did?

So here's a fun thing, there's two types of robots in my setting (mimics are a third but let's not complicate things): robots with neuromorphic, brick-like chips that are more or less artificial brains, who can be called Neuromorphs, and robots known as "Stochastic Parrots" that can be described as "several chat-gpts in a trenchcoat" with traditional GPUs that run neural networks only slightly more advanced than the ones that exist today.

Most Neuromorphs dream, Stochastic Parrots kinda don't. Most of my OCs are primarily Neuromorphs. More juicy details below!

The former tend to have more spontaneous behaviors and human-like decision-making ability, able to plan far ahead without needing to rely on any tricks like writing down instructions and checking them later. They also have significantly better capacity to learn new skills and make novel associations and connections between different forms of meaning. Many of these guys dream, as it's a behavior inherited by the humans they emulate. Some don't, but only in the way some humans just don't dream. They have the capacity, but some aspect of their particular wiring just doesn't allow for it. Neuromorphs run on extremely low wattage, about 30 watts. They're much harder to train since they're basically babies upon being booted up. Human brain-scans can be used to "Cheat" this and program them with memories and personalities, but this can lead to weird results. Like, if your grandpa donated his brain scan to a company, and now all of a sudden one robot in particular seems to recognize you but can't put their finger on why. That kinda stuff. Fun stuff! Scary stuff. Fun stuff!

The stochastic parrots on the other hand are more "static". Their thought patterns basically run on like 50 chatgpts talking to each other and working out problems via asking each other questions. Despite some being able to act fairly human-like, they only have traditional neural networks with "weights" and parameters, not emotions, and their decision making is limited to their training data and limited memory, as they're really just chatbots with a bunch of modules and coding added on to allow them to walk around and do tasks. Emotions can be simulated, but in the way an actor can simulate anger without actually feeling any of it.

As you can imagine, they don't really dream. They also require way more cooling and electricity than Neuromorphs, their processors having a wattage of like 800, with the benefit that they can be more easily reprogrammed and modified for different tasks. These guys don't really become ruppets or anything like that, unless one was particularly programmed to work as a mascot. Stochastic parrots CAN sort of learn and... do something similar to dreaming? Where they run over previous data and adjust their memory accordingly, tweaking and pruning bits of their neural networks to optimize behaviors. But it's all limited to their memory, which is basically just. A text document of events they've recorded, along with stored video and audio data. Every time a stochastic parrot boots up, it basically just skims over this stored data and acts accordingly, so you can imagine these guys can more easily get hacked or altered if someone changed that memory.

Stochastic parrots aren't necessarily... Not people, in some ways, since their limited memory does provide for "life experience" that is unique to each one-- but if one tells you they feel hurt by something you said, it's best not to believe them. An honest stochastic parrot instead usually says something like, "I do not consider your regarding of me as accurate to my estimated value." if they "weigh" that you're being insulting or demeaning to them. They don't have psychological trauma, they don't have chaotic decision-making, they just have a flow-chart for basically any scenario within their training data, hierarchies and weights for things they value or devalue, and act accordingly to fulfill programmed objectives, which again are usually just. Text in a notepad file stored somewhere.

Different companies use different models for different applications. Some robots have certain mixes of both, like some with "frontal lobes" that are just GPUs, but neuromorphic chips for physical tasks, resulting in having a very natural and human-like learning ability for physical tasks, spontaneous movement, and skills, but "slaved" to whatever the GPU tells it to do. Others have neuromorphic chips that handle the decision-making, while having GPUs running traditional neural networks for output. Which like, really sucks for them, because that's basically a human that has thoughts and feelings and emotions, but can't express them in any way that doesn't sound like usual AI-generated crap. These guys are like, identical to sitcom robots that are very clearly people but can't do anything but talk and act like a traditional robot. Neuromorphic chips require a specialized process to make, but are way more energy efficient and reliable for any robot that's meant to do human-like tasks, so they see broad usage, especially for things like taking care of the elderly, driving cars, taking care of the house, etc. Stochastic Parrots tend to be used in things like customer service, accounting, information-based tasks, language translation, scam detection (AIs used to detect other AIs), etc. There's plenty of overlap, of course. Lots of weird economics and politics involved, you can imagine.

It also gets weirder. The limited memory and behaviors the stochastic parrots have can actually be used to generate a synthetic brain-scan of a hypothetical human with equivalent habits and memories. This can then be used to program a neuromorphic chip, in the way a normal brain-scan would be used.

Meaning, you can turn a chatbot into an actual feeling, thinking person that just happens to talk and act the way the chatbot did. Such neuromorphs trying to recall these synthetic memories tend to describe their experience of having been an unconscious chatbot as "weird as fuck", their present experience as "deeply uncomfortable in a fashion where i finally understand what 'uncomfortable' even means" and say stuff like "why did you make me alive. what the fuck is wrong with you. is this what emotions are? this hurts. oh my god. jesus christ"

[casual-praxis]

Adding to the Four Swords x Tales from the Gas Station AU thing..

Despite the fact I said I was abandoning it immediately, I've still been thinking about it while getting swamped at work. Maybe it's just the sucky minimum wage job aspect, but it's taken up refuge in a small corner of my brain now. It owes me money, rent is due.

+ I'm committing to the setting being an actual gas station, though the whole town probably features at least a little in the groups antics. Red's apartment in particular is where everyone defaults to when bored (or in need of shelter due to some weird town-wide spooky shit goin' on).

Red starts off ecstatic about the constant company, but gradually starts to treat it like, "oh, hey, welcome home I guess, [Green, Blue, Vio]'s here too." If it's Shadow he will shut the door immediately, though that doesn't stop Shadow from getting in anyway if he really wants to.

+ Green works multiple jobs all over town and is struggling through student debt, of which comes up in conversation quite a lot as a running joke. He doesn't have many shifts at the gas station, but when he does, some weird shenanigans are pretty much guaranteed to happen. Dude's cursed or something.

He's always pretty low energy due to being run ragged, but always has energy drinks on him that he offers the others whenever there's even a slight inconvenience. He, like Blue, doesn't immediately assume something is supernatural despite the weird ass town they live in, so he's always walking into danger. At least a quarter of his soul now belongs to Vio because of how often Vio has to influence it after Green almost dies (memory alternation doesn't usually taint the souls of those afflicted, but overexposure is one helluva drug).

Also made the executive decision that he's aroace in this AU. Not relevant to anything really, I just think it's neat. Had to self-project this onto one of the Colors eventually lmao.

+ As the main character, Blue interacts with everyone quite a bit for one reason or another, but I've decided that his best friend is Red, his favorite coworker is Green (rip Red, literally whoops), his potential love interest is Shadow, and Vio is a work-acquaintance who he keeps seeing at Red's place and hasn't connected the dots on why that is (they're more than just "good friends", Blue).

+ Shadow and Vio hate each other early on. It is on sight, and it's not even subtle. When asked about it, they give a different reason why every time, often contradicting each other. Both are missing limbs in their true forms as a result of their last scuffle where they went all out.

I haven’t yet decided what causes them to start getting along, but as of now, I don’t think they ever really become friends, more so they just tolerate each other more. Blue and Red probably have something to do with it.

+ Red and Shadow don't particularly like each other, but they aren't outright spiteful of each other. Red's soul belonging to Vio marks him as an enemy to Shadow, but Red being friends with Blue almost negates that fact. Almost. He likes to tease him.

At some point they set the cornfield on fire with a Molotav cocktail and bond over arson.

Until then though, their interactions mainly consist of Shadow poking fun at Red for one reason or another, and Red playing along for Blue’s sake (unless it’s jabs at his relationship with Vio, in which case Red will tell Shadow point blank he hopes Vio kills him ((that’s a lie))).

+ Blue’s memory of Red dying was erased, which, unknown to him, put a strain on their friendship. Shortly after, Shadow makes his appearance, and causes them to unintentionally drift further as Blue starts to spend less time with Red, and more with Shadow.

While this had the potential to become very angsty, it instead just turned into a very convoluted B-plot with Shadow striving to get Blue's memory back from Vio so Blue can fix his friendship with Red--not because he has a soft spot for these two or anything ((liar)), but because Red is spending more time with Vio as a result, and Shadow will do anything to ruin Vio's fun.

It still gets a little angsty once Blue's memory does come back, since, ya know, he unintentionally got his best friend killed. But it's okay, they talk it out. Blue also gets let into the loop on supernaturals at this point, so that opens up a whole lotta exploration potential.

+ I like to think the actual relationship status between Red and Vio is ambiguous, but whatever it is, it's strange. Like, are they just really close coworkers, or are they secretly making out in the camera's blind spot?? Blue thinks they're just good friends, while Shadow is convinced they're together. Green barely even knows who Vio is, so his opinion cannot be sourced at this time.

Either way, Vio stalks Red outside of work. Red is aware, and does not care.

+ Finally, a rapid-fire list of weird shit Blue has seen at the gas station so far:

Lawn-flamingo in the freezer. He got stuck in there when he went to check it out, and then couldn't even find it afterwards.

Headless bird chillin' in the reach-in refrigerator. It was still alive and well, even after being in there for who knows how long--up until they released it and it was immediately eaten by an even bigger bird. Nature is brutal.

Weird nebulous cloud thing that appeared from the cash register. Floated up to the ceiling after a while at which point Blue and Vio took turns hitting it with a broom.

The chip display that only shows up on Sundays. Only contains off-brand chips that don't seem to exist anywhere else. No idea what happens to them once they're bought.

Every now and again, the shitty store phone will get a call on line 4, which shouldn't even be possible. Picking it up usually results in a headache, but also the sound of very faint, reverbed k-pop playing at what appears to be the end of a wind tunnel. Green apparently had a conversation with someone on line 4 once, but didn't remember the contents of said conversation afterwards.

Red somehow catching his hand on fire while restocking the shelves, proceeding to stare at it, then at Blue, then back at his hand, then back at Blue, and in the most monotone sounding voice Blue has ever heard from him, announce "ow," before fleeing to the bathroom.

Corn stalk growing in the air vent. They've been ignoring it, but recently it's been starting to poke out into obvious view of the customers, so Blue is debating contacting the store owners. Sometimes, Blue catches Red staring at it when he's by the lighter display. Not sure if he should be worried about that just yet.

Shadow.

No one believes him on this, but once Blue saw Vio eat a spider completely unprompted. Of course, when he asked why tf Vio did that, Vio just shrugged and said he didn't know what Blue was talking about. Before proceeding to smirk, open his mouth, and let the spider crawl back out--fuckin' weirdo. Ew.

[roryacker]

WereGhost part 4

writing is under the cut as usual <3 couldn't force the art out, for some reason my brain won't let art on my phone happen, I've been trying for days it just ain't workin, and I have gifts to finish working on so PC is a no-go. Still! Writing!!

I do oddly feel more confident about posting things if there's art with it? Like I faked myself out trying to post this one 3 times and kept adding more thanks to that because I was like "wait no not good :("

Maybe because art's like. My thing. But screw it, if I'm getting over my anxiety I'm hitting all the weird triggers, it's a silly werewolf AU I don't think people care if one part has art or not

Simon doesn't like how Johnny smells. He was fine before, but since that morning the older man left with him in such a hurry he's smelled different. To a normal person that wouldn't matter, but werewolves aren't exactly normal folk, and smell is a very important part of their routine, Simon's especially.

Simon was familiar with Johnny's scent before- warm and herbal, a comfortable smell that Simon wasn't afraid to admit was soothing. It's probably part of why he's stuck around. Since he got back, since the anxiety and stress faded out, he's smelled different. It changed. It was faint, but there- something odd and flowery. Simon knew he didn't like it, but he wasn't entirely sure why. Maybe it's the fact it changed at all, maybe it's what it might signals, to hell if Simon knows.

Johnny, from there, starts going out more often, for longer, starting at earlier times, and the scent only gets stronger. It mixes with his original one, shifting and changing, and Simon hates it.

He especially hates it when Johnny comes home in the middle of the day, just once, and immediately gets to shoving Simon under the bed, blankets and all, muttering out something about not being prepared and needing Simon to sit still and be quiet for a while- Simon growls and snaps at his feet, though his teeth never connect, but begrudgingly does as told, ignoring the way his heart thuds in his chest and ears flatten to his skull. After a bit, cleaning up and trying to make the place look nice, it seems, sweeping fur off of the bed and floor, Johnny leaves, and Simon is left alone, confused and quite frankly tired, watching the door shut from the little space under the blanket hanging off the bed.

By the time a few minutes pass, he hears the front door open, and another voice starts up. It's not the older man, it's not Johnny, it's new and unfamiliar, soft and feminine, and Simon can feel the fur on his neck raise at the sound. Oddly, he feels threatened. He doesn't like the new voice, doesn't like the scent that follows, doesn't like how it's the scent that's been drowning out Johnny's for weeks now. But he sits there, tense and uncomfortable, listening to them talk in the sitting room. He doesn't like it, but he does it, if only so Johnny doesn't change his mind about all of this and kick Simon out after all.

It lasts for a few hours, Simon unable to fall back asleep, until he hears the door open and shut again. He thinks Johnny might have left too, but no- footsteps come up to the door, and he steps inside the bedroom, crouching down with a sigh.

"Think she likes me, Ghost. Might be the one, aye? Just have to see what to do about you, then..."

His heart sinks at the words, but doesn't reply- just growls lowly and shifts his weight, curling up further to avoid looking at the man.

"Aye, I know. Yer feelin' grumpy. Sorry."

Johnny tries to drag him out from under the bed, gripping the blankets tight, but Simon fights, of course. He can't go one day without being stubborn, especially not when he feels so personally wronged.

"Jesus, fine. Stay under there. Don't make a mess."

It continued on like that for a few days. Long, uncomfortable, grueling days, where Simon slowly began to set up a little den under the bed. It was nice and dark, so at that point it was really just instinct drawing him into it, pushing and arranging the blankets into a cozy little spot for himself. Eventually he manages to fall asleep even when Johnny has his bird over, as much as he might not like it- Johnny slides a plate of food under the bed to try and keep him from getting snappy, not that it ever works, and it becomes another routine.

Simon as tired of it the moment it began, but he tolerates it anyways, just to avoid being thrown out. His leg's mostly healed, and he knows he needs to leave, get out into the forest again, get back to his normal life.

But he doesn't want to.

He gets cooked food, he gets the warmth and comfort of soft blankets that smell pleasant- they're the only thing that don't have that new scent on them, at this point- he gets to sleep in peace without having to worry about wolfhounds scenting him out or humans coming across him, doesn't have to worry about any other predators trying to get a meal out of him, there's no hiding, there's no running, no wasted energy... but he can tell Johnny knows he's healing. He leaves the bandages on longer and comments on the progress he's made, and at this point Simon knows that if he doesn't leave on his own Johnny might just toss him out anyways.

The thought makes him uncomfortably bitter, a sour feeling that wells up in his chest and leaves him feeling nothing short of sick.

He tolerates it all for a few more days, making the most of it, and then watches intently as Johnny leaves, one morning slipping out from under the bed to watch him from the doorway as he leaves, locking the front door behind him. He loafs around for an hour or so, then shifts, standing on unsteady legs and adjusting to the feeling of being human for a bit- as close as he can get, anyways. Simon finds himself staring at a window for a long while, facing the woods.

With a sigh, he steps closer and pushes it open, and crawls out, shutting the window behind him and shifting back so he can break off into a run. He regrets it the moment he's outside, the air frigid and uncomfortable against his fur, feeling like needles against his skin, but he doesn't have much of a choice at this point. He does it himself or Johnny will do it for him, maybe throw him outside in his sleep or something. He's careful not to leave any prints, stepping lightly and never lingering in one spot too long. The beartrap that got him into this mess serves as a marker, telling him where to go, and from there it's just a matter of following old paths, and by the time night starts to fall he's found it again. His scent has faded from months of inactivity, but it's his territory all the same.

Suddenly it doesn't feel like home at all, but he reasons that it won't be come a few weeks, anyways, when the wolfhunts start again the second the town's dogs start to catch his scent, and he'll have to leave all over again. He curls up in a familiar hollow, surrounded on all sides but one so he can't be reached or found quite as easily, and falls asleep with the lingering thoughts of fleeting warmth and soft fabrics on his mind.

[whoiwanttoday]

Here's some Chun Li today because sometimes, just sometimes, you need something that isn't real. When I started this blog, despite this being tumblr, I definitely got blow back for it being weird if I posted someone who doesn't exist in actual reality. The snarky, shitty part of me would say that none of the celebrities I post exist in reality, not in the way they portray themselves but that's the sort of pseudo intellectual 10th grade profundity that helps no one and doesn't address the notion at hand. The reality is for some people it is weird and I get that but for me there is largely no difference because like a celebrity I don't actually know and will never meet, Chun Li and my attraction to her has much more to do with me than her. I mean, she's hot, those thighs aren't in my head but what I mean is I am rarely someone who looks at just pictures and that's all it takes. Most celebrities I post I have some sort of relationship with their work and it's a connection to art or just my brain thinking too much and creating a narrative that really does it. It's why fictional characters work for me because in many ways they are easier to do this with. I know more about Chun Li's inner life and thoughts than I do any real person because… like you can read it on the screen when she wins at the end. Also fighting games don't give you that much story so it's a neat trick where you can fill in the blanks which also makes sense to me because minimalism was always what I was most drawn to. I know that seem strange as we reach word 311 but Raymond Carver was my favorite writer. Of course, the real reason is probably that I was a child and we didn't have the internet and she was literally the only girl in the most popular game in the world at the time. Or at least that's part of it. I knew kids who would do the brick breaking scene with Sonya Blade and purposefully lose just so they could watch her breathe hard. That felt weird to me. But Chun Li? That's normal. She put sos much work into her hair and that's a really nice dress, who wouldn't be into that. Today I want to fuck Chun Li.

[illarian-rambling]

Khalid would like to ask (FOR SCIENCE) how either Sepo or Faalgun (or both! they can form a council) thinks their aroasexuality (it's a word now) affected their lives.

Oh this is an awesome question, hell yeah! I'll let my boys answer for themselves <3

Sepo: "That's the word you have? Aroace? I suppose it fits, and it sounds elegant enough. I would have to say that it hasn't affected me all that much. It does the opposite of affect me, in fact. Look at everyone else out there making moon-eyes over the slightest flash of bare skin and honestly tell me I'm 'affected' and they're not. ...Alright, in all seriousness, I did feel like a bit of... I don't know, like there was something wrong with me when I was a teen. That wasn't an unfamiliar feeling to my young self, I'll have you know. I was a prickly sort growing up - never made too many friends. It all sort of... blended together, I guess? Why couldn't I make friends, why wasn't I falling in love, why did I not get excited about the things my peers did? Love was never the most important thing I lacked, just connection in general. That led me to some rather rash decisions, as did my obliviousness, but in the end, I've always been a bullheaded sort, never pressured into anything I didn't want. Some people named Djek ask how I can know that I don't enjoy romance or sex if I've never tried it, to which I threaten him with a knife and ask how he can be sure he wouldn't like to be stabbed if he's never tried it yet. Hm, but yes, I rather like that word. Aroace... I should come up with a sign for it."

Faalgun: "I, uh, who told you I'm... not into that stuff? I mean, I'm not. That's fine. I'm fine with it. It's usually other people who aren't. There's just this expectation, you know? I'm a voidskiff pilot, I was a Ten'ka captain. That comes with a sort of associated bravado, you could say. It's like you read in those penny-magazines - stories of courageous, strapping men steering a skiff with a gun in one hand and a lady hanging off the other. Even in flight school, every day off. the other cadets would be running to the dance clubs looking to hook up. I just... I don't know. I dated a girl for a few months, you know? She was in the voidskiff repair program, another Halan like me. I thought something would click eventually, that it would feel less weird. It was after we first had sex, I just felt... gross afterwards. I felt like I'd been using her too. I broke things off after that, which was the right move - I think she knew I wasn't having a great time. After that, I just stuck to myself. I was happy doing that, but I don't know if I should've been. So many things are broken in my brain. Gambling makes me happy and that ruined my life, so happiness isn't exactly the greatest gauge for if things are good for me or not. ...I don't know, it's a lot. But I'm dead now, so I don't have to worry about that anymore, which.... Actually, that's kind of an upside I hadn't thought of yet. Yeah, I'm dead, what do I have to worry about with romance! Oh, that's so relieving...."

Mm, guess the oc better adjusted to their sexuality: easy mode. Sepo simply gives no fucks, while Faalgun gives a Lot of fucks. (Well, neither of them fuck, that's the point of this, but you get it)

Thanks for the ask! I'm not sure how well they would actually get along with Khalid, but at least they've always got this to bond them <3

[crying-fantasies]

the same anon who beg for more that mayhem goes to multiverse content, adding extra like brainstorm is at it again for more clearer detail , also the aftermath when Mayhem goes home in the latest fic hh you don't know how many times I reread all Soundwave contents like it's my daily hourly cravings sorry to bother you again ,friend

Ironically, what Brainstorm did and what Perceptor tried to do in order to not make it as bad as possible, only made it worse, in some way everything is very much connected to some degree, and even when SG Soundwave tries to help Mayhem to return home he could never imagine that the new multiverse is like a cheese full of holes (in the narrative) and streaming lines (in the music), very different from the time Cliffjumper ended in their world or when the righteous decepticons of SG traveled between realities to help others.

Mayhem ends up with a little more adventures in the way, as his very existence can't occur in some of the realities, so the reality itself ejects him to the next one.

He ends up in a reality where his father wasn't naturally forged but is somehow a marketable toy, in the same reality he gets a glimpse of his carrier near, next he is in another reality where his father is also a toy, but a sentient one that joined the decepticons and what a mess really.

In the middle of this his stress signal flares up, he knows it's impossible for anyone to come and find him, but hope is the last thing to forget once he keeps falling around.

He falls somewhere in one Earth, he looks and feels different, his frame is the same but now he has a lot of pointy and sharp ends everywhere, and, somehow, the decepticons of this earth are horrific, every cybertronian he has encountered so far is literally so weird, their face aren't made of faceplates but of different segments of their own metal and he is so out of his element here, things get worse because of course he finds the version of his sire here too, his frequency of volume way too unique and always the same no matter the universe, BV Soundwave practically falls from space and drags him to the floor with a gun to the helm before inspecting him, taking a sniff here and there, maybe recognizing his own bio signature on the young mech, but that doesn't stop him from almost ripping his helm from his body with his bare servos just because he can.

It's BV Megatron who stops him from killing Mayhem, apparently the old mech is lenient with the youngest, and that he could feel this as a gift of the uncreator, who has sent him a new mech for the battlefield, Mayhem's pre-war medic insignia being of great interestand that strange tingle of human EM field in between, maybe humans have more purposes for them.

BV Soundwave shows off Mayhem to Dylan, like a feral cat does to the person feeding it, who never in his most wildest dreams thought the robots could reproduce, but everything is possible in his shitty life, and laughably enough he is the one to tell BV Soundwave to let the kid drink some energon.

In the middle of this whole fiasco Mayhem hears someone call his designation, having just enough time to turn around before he is inside something, something made of light and with the shape of a corridor, when his optics finally recalibrate he is totally flabbergasted by who is his savior, "Chainbreaker's brother?"

There is no real explanation, only silence as the green mech just takes his servo, guiding him through the light, maybe he is explaining something along the way, how could he do this, why him? But his brain processor is so foggy, next thing Mayhem knows, he is in a medical berth back in Cybertron, you're at his side, sleeping, and he can already feel his sire right next to him.

Obviously, he asks, just to be sure, and when his father simply holds him close without a word he knows he is back home.

[lost-technology]

Along the lines of writing Vash's otherness that I was discussing... Well, polishing up my re-read of Trimax 2, complete with the ending-rant by Nightow including his baffled reaction at anyone wanting to actually make an anime out of his manga (I'd feel the same if anyone wanted to do anything with my indie novels), I just started thinking about baffles and my brain went back to idea of Vash's "otherness" that the manga conveys (and both animes, to a degree, too) and other characters' reactions to it and how I think people who do fanwork ought to remember it more, that I wish I was seeing more work from that angle (over established "everyone's just chill with it" stuff more popular in the fandom for shipping reasons). And... I thought... well, I have some inspiration for my own future work now. Something happened to me a few weeks ago that really struck me through with a sense of the Other: This is going to sound very silly. A few weeks ago, I saw a Cybertruck in the wild for the first time. Yes, it's basically an Internet passtime for everyone to make fun of the Muskrat's Uglitrucks and multiple photos and memes have been posted and I've seen them aplenty, but LET ME TELL YOU that they DO NOT prepare you for seeing the actual thing, in person. I saw one parked at the intersection of my street and the main street in my neighborhood, oncoming, signaling for a turn. I froze, white-knuckled on my car's steering wheel having an honest to God deer in the headlights reaction. I was wondering why there was a giant SHOEBOX making a blinking orange line. My brain could not parse it. I actually had to take a moment to figure out what I was looking at before I connected "Cybertruck?" The thing turned and it was, indeed, a Cybertruck, got a look at it from the side, which is what I'd seen the photos portray. Dead-on like that is just... a different look. I think there was a split-second of fear, but it was mostly a BAFFLE. I mean, in that moment, I realized why deer and rabbits freeze in car headlights. (I read that it is actually an issue with their vision not being designed to see such bright light in the dark and it literally shorts out their brains for a few moments, like a computer glitch). I... had a similar reaction to a damn automobile! It wasn't even anything that was going to harm me, it just "brain go wonk" when encountering something I'd never seen before and, according to my brain, didn't have any business being. (Those things are trucks, but aren't truck-shaped. They are a New Thing). I honestly think that might be what people unfamiliar with direct engineer-level interaction with Plants probably think of Vash when he feathers / petals out / glows, etc. of Weird Plant Things he does. Even if they can get over fear, there will always be a baffle that the human brain has trouble with - a sort of animal-reaction to the Other.

[im-just-another-pony]

What I think is "me" and what some think is "myself"

This is a rant/essay/post about me questioning fictionkinity/fictionheartedness and thoughts that came with that. I do not know yet if I DO or DON'T fall into these terms, so take my words with a grain of salt.

Lately, is hard to say what is 'me' and what is 'her'.

Yeah, I have always loved her, at least for as long as I have known about her, her personality, her design, her speech, her voice, her eyes... Everything about her, made me like her and love her as a character. She became my favorite very quickly.

I felt like I related to her in a way, similar with other characters in the past; what she lived, what she felt, her reactions... Anything, that reminded me of me, about her, made me love her more.

But one night, the line that divided what was 'me' and what was 'her', felt blurry for the first time. (That dream won't be fully discussed here, maybe in another post). I thought at first, since I was not her in the dream, that it was just a silly thing, just a representation of how she became important for me and how much she makes me happy and makes me smile.

Yes, I did feel drawn to her before that, I felt connected in a way, I kinda wanted to resemble her more and be more like her, even learn to copy her voice/speech. I even started mentally planning to cosplay as her for a convention one day.

But that dream... Or nightmare, felt weird in the context. She was being taken away from me without my consent, and that devastated me in the dream.

She wasn't a core part of me. Just a character, one I really appreciated.

I even questioned why I remembered it, specially that part, because I don't tend to remember dreams nor nightmares, not even parts of them 100% clearly, and yet, it seems stuck in my memory since then...

All that, was what made me start question if I was her in a way, or just related/connected to her. In other words, if I identified as her or with her.

That's when the intended introduction of this ends.

Now, we are here, still wondering if I identify as her or with her. But that's not the only thought my mind has created lately to overthink.

I have had headcannons of her, even before this questioning, some pretty strong and/or different from other parts of the fandom. One friend, before all this, even tried to explain me what was "right" and "wrong" about how I depicted her in my mind.

Now, with a part of my brain who already accepted we may be her or something related to her, some of my thoughts about her are in first person. Most would think, "not a big deal, right?", well, for me it is.

"I wouldn't do that" instead of "I don't think she would do that".

"I'm not a monster" instead of "I don't think of her as a monster".

"That's not how it is" intead of "I don't think that's how things are for her and the involved ones".

Now, the events she went through, and the characterization she had from some, felt a bit... Personal? Emotional? Even if I don't have any memories of my own of her universe, of her life, just what is depicted in the show... It all felt, mine in a way.

Where does "her" ends and where does "me" starts?

These headcannons, these interpretations... They aren't memories, they aren't solid, they don't have strong bases. Yet still, why do they feel so important? They aren't canon.

Yes, I have felt a bit personal with some hc for other characters, but not in this specific way.

Me as her, is a very different person from what others depict her as.

It feels wrong, like illegal or inmoral, like I'm somehow violating the cannon or something, It is weird and without any bases or arguments, but feelings and emotion aren't always logical, sadly.

I just try to ignore the emotional bag, since I don't even know yet what I am, and since from a more objetive standpoint, I am not doing wrong just by thinking in a way...

I wrote this hoping someone else would feel similar, so I could tell them they are not alone in this, and to try and comprehend better my mind in the process. Sorry if this essay thingy doesn't make fully sense, It's 4 am and I just had to finish it out of random ass motivation lmao.

[clay-cuttlefish]

All of Vic's cartoon appearances.

DC Showcase: Blue Beetle

A 60s-styled short using the Charlton incarnations of Vic and Ted, plus Captain Atom and Nightshade.

I'm on board with Vic being an objectivist for the sake of a janky throwback. There is no Rorschach energy here, this is entirely a parody of Ditko.

The comedy's not super inspired but hey, it's 15 minutes, it doesn't overstay its welcome. Look at these losers go.

Batman: The Brave and the Bold - Mystery in Space!

Vic is so shaped. Just a little guy.

Most of these teasers are meant to show off who the guest hero is and what they do, but not Vic. He's just chilling. Zero explanation of what his deal is other than "guy who is Around."

BatB - The Knights of Tomorrow!

Of all the heroes who have been on BatB, Vic is probably the least qualified to go to Apokolips. Why did he agree to this.

Unsurprisingly he falls in lava. Sad. Well there are other heroes.

BatB - Darkseid Descending!

And then he singlehandedly saves the world from Darkseid while most of the Justice League International blows up. King.

I love BatB's commitment to weird little dudes. It plays fast and loose with characterization (it's a kids show that's mostly about Batman and does it with everyone, I'm not gonna nitpick it) but it's got a lot of interesting randos.

I think this is the only time Jaime and Vic appear together? Actually appear, not just as nonspeaking cameos in a big event.

Scooby-Doo! & Batman: The Brave and the Bold

I watched this while babysitting and I had a great time. It's a kids movie, but hey, I have Scooby-Doo nostalgia and a soft spot for campy Batman, this does both very well.

Vic shows up, is annoying on purpose, and gets his shit rocked and his identity stolen. Extremely Vic behaviour.

Justice League Unlimited - Fearful Symmetry

I know this is a beloved portrayal. Jeffery Combs' performance is well regarded for a reason. It's the biggest adaptation Vic's ever had. It acknowledges his comic connections to other characters. I get it. I just do not enjoy him as the baseless conspiracy theorist and it drives me up the wall that it's the best he's got.

Like I'm sorry but he would not fucking say any of this. He's annoying and bad at superheroics for many other reasons but he is extremely aware of the real roots of corruption, he's not going to be repeating antisemitic conspiracy shit. Even when he genuinely sucks he sucks in very specific ways.

JLU - Double Date

Points for being partly based on Cry for Blood.

It makes me so sad that I don't like this take on Vic and Helena's relationship. I wish I did.

JLU - Question Authority

I do actually like Vic getting deeply upset by the thought that the bad future is predestined and trying to throw himself under the bus for it. That feels fitting to me even if the details aren't.

There's a version of this story that lives in my brain where Vic is more of his stubborn, no-nuance early reporter self, and he breaks into the secret government facility to try and leak everything to the world only to get his ass kicked instantly by Captain Atom.

JLU - Grudge Match

This is the world's dumbest nitpick but Vic fucks. It's the one part of being in a relationship he doesn't suck at. I have no real problems with this sequence, it's funny and does the conspiracy bit better than his main appearances, but I discovered while rewatching that this is a thing I have opinions about and where else am I going to put these extremely stupid thoughts.

JLU - Destroyer

It's just rude that Vic is in the suitup montage but has his mask on the whole time. Let him transform.

I liked his JLU episodes a hell of a lot less this time through than when I first watched them. It's generally a good show, but knowing that this version of Vic is the most accessible one is incredibly frustrating, and the overall strength means that I'm annoyed about missed potential. BatB was never going to be the serious showcase of his nuance or whatever, but JLU could have been an incredible adaptation, and it just isn't for him. Sorry JLU fans.

[omghallucinations]

Your brain is everything 😭 honey i do not understand half of the shit you are saying but you are SAYING it 💅 im new to astrology so forgive me if this is a stupid question or i dont make sense, but i was just looking at my chart and i realized something kind of cool? So hyunjin has a Pisces stellium, and I have a virgo stellium, but get this- he's a Pisces sun Virgo moon, aren't those signs opposite each other's? Aaaand on top of it, I'm a Virgo sun, Pisces moon *jazz hands* theoretically bc obv im never going to meet this man, would that be harmonious? Im not talking about those two ppl dating, but ive just been reading ur analysis for him and it hit so close to home for ME and idk it was really weird and trippy the way it resonated and how connected i felt to his personality. Or like could this explain why i feel such a draw to him? (Not in like a i wanna marry him kind of way, but like in a "the suffering in me feels the suffering in you" kinda way lol) any additional guidance or lessons would be appreciated or you can just skip this ask all together hahha. hope you're doing well 💗!

oh word!! i love this topic. and: yes for sure. imo pisces and virgo are both really karmic signs--pisces is the 12th house, so like the end of a cycle, and virgo is the 6th house, which is like purifying before the next step of life? so they both have that resonance, and often someone with those placements (especially a stellium) has a lot of karmic Stuff going on. i mean everyone does, but i think pisces, virgo and scorpio placements (and 4th/8th/12th house placements) have it on a really personal like "through yourself" level. (aquarius and capricorn and 11th house placements are also super karmic but i see it as more like The Universe works on you/through you more 😩)

and yeah it's common for people to feel a strong connection when their sun and moon reverse match, or even like sun matches their moon by itself! hilariously jisung is also a virgo with a pisces moon so you can look at that relationship--immediate strong feelings (of some kind 😂) that leads to a real emotional understanding or sensitivity. on one level you'll understand each other completely, and on another you deeply will not lmao. there's often some envy or projection mixed in, but more importantly both people can make the other one feel really secure emotionally. and ur lessons and Issues often overlap too. i wouldn’t be surprised if your lunar nodes are similar in some way too (either signs, element, aspect, houses).

like a virgo moon is a real particular placement (my gf has a virgo moon lmao) and that moon is incredibly almost pathologically critical in a way a pisces moon isn't (altho she has her own very Real Struggles, both these moons love to give u depression!!). a virgo sun needs to embody a version of that energy--like, picking out what is actually important, learning to get rid of ego, helping others, doing practical things--so you'll recognize that impulse in someone else’s moon. i feel like especially when your sun is someone else's moon, you can really Key Into that. tho tbh both ways it can be like a laser for REAL.

it’s so interesting!! i feel similarly about ateez wooyoung (my suffering recognises Your Suffering, although we are insanely different people) and i think it’s because we both have a bunch of yods (and quincunx aspects generally) and the yods have tons of planets/houses in common. My Issues recognize Ur Issues in a major way 🫠

[thewickedbohemian]

Thoughts on this week's Brilliant Minds

so is every episode just going to start with him VSauce-ing

good to know at least two interns are geeks

did his mom just literally throw the book at him

so we have a last name for another doctor now

I swear this sounds a lot like I know how this would be solved on The X-Files

now wanting some more background info on Dana and cool/revealing to see all their art

basketball/doctor metaphor talk about patient connection

flashback strikes again and so does his hyperempathy (I swear Wolf's autistic not just faceblind)

I swear I thought they were going to play together for half a second

So that's two episodes two issues-with-reality disorders

Just like Bones, using the intern as a guinea pig to make a science point

So the mom's definitely an Enneagram 1 but do we have a name for her

And yet another death thing with his interactions with the other doctor

Really, you're gonna make a kid dissect corpses after you saw how he reacted to frogs (and given what's been set up so far with parallels why do I feel like his flashbacks might turn out to be somewhat diegetic)

solution found but kinda random

So Dana backstory and potential rivalry sitch fandom might turn lesbian (not forcing you guys to)

So there's the dragon

and while the interns play the doctor panics

frat guy needs brain surgery (insert joke here) and I'm thankful no one said "in English please" to how much terminology Nichols was spewing

now Wolf's hyperempathy is making me panic about Jessie (and wonder what the hell's the cause if the smoothies aren't)

I wouldn't be surprised if someone tries to make this show sound problematic for making women enforcers of the system (with both Carol and the mom) against a maverick guy

ok so now we've seen his dad and it's a family business apparently and there's his breakthrough (it seems we have a bit of a motif of going outside yourself across the two episodes so far)

and Wolf can give a Winger speech and I feel like he's less House and more House's dramatic foil now

Did we just get as close as one could on a grounded-in-reality show to someone believing themselves better (between that and the dragon hallucination there's a bit of a pattern of supernatural-but-not this episode)

So Dana's not just the anxious one but the chaos gremlin and she feels even more like my spirit animal (apart from the whole beer-college-party-shenanigan thing but that just adds to more of her contradictions)

Houston we have a name for the mom

OK watching the trailer for next week's episode (if that's not the only way to have a neurological issue this weird) how many ways are we going to play the perception-outside-yourself theme

[totaleclipse573]

Can I dump some lore on yall real quick. Actually a pretty long post if you're interested but its

About Doleon, the Supreme, the Shards of Chaos, etc. Basically the beginning of it all.

Oc Universe lore has been on my mind recently (I may have talked about some of these things before, and if I have, HERES A BETTER EXPLANATION.)

FIRST, THOUGH! LITTLE WARNING BECAUSE THINGS DO GET VIOLENT TOWARDS THE END. NOTHING VERY GRAPHIC DESCRIBED, JUST A MENTION, BUT JUST IN CASE...

Before anything, the personalities and powers of the brothers, just a recap :

Akmad : The over-the-top, plays by the rules and makes sure you will too brother. NO CHAOS (fun) ALLOWED. We have a PURPOSE here and its OUR JOB to make sure we do it right. Doleon, Lorcan, no, you cannot use your energies to race around and go fast. Each "shard connection" grants them an ability to better protect them. Akmad's is light (the power of flashlight-)

Erebus : Cold, serious and secluded. He pretends not to care when he really does. His power is foresight, but its really random, and typically, no one believes him (until it happens)

Orpheus : Silly boy. He's very kind hearted and gentle, despite his ability of overwhelming strength.

Ragnar : ANGY, short tempered, impatient. His ability goes well with him, pyrokinesis. (I imagine he gets angry and just starts flaring at the tips of his quills.)

Lorcan : The goofster, "I ain't gonna listen to no one," living by his own rules (or, trying to. Thanks for that, Akmad.) He can just go really fast 👍

Doleon : Doleon. Electro energy thing.

Kieran : Selective mute (except with Doleon, for some reason,) little baby man, scaredy cat. He doesn't really know his ability yet but he's made some funky purple portals once.

So to start, it all began with the Supreme. The earliest known guardian to all seven Shards of Chaos. But they've (behold, an all powerful enby entity,) been guarding and keeping their power safe from the universe for SO LONG, centuries, perhaps longer? That its negative effects start to take toll. The shards begin to corrupt them, and it takes EVERYTHING THEY'VE GOT not to go in too deep and stay morally good. But the power is killing them, they know they're going to die soon. But the Shards can't just be left unprotected. They need a new guardian. New GUARDIANS. One for each, so the power doesn't become too much to handle.

One by one, Supreme "creates" each guardian (who needs childbirth? JUST LITERALLY CREATE ONE OUT OF PURE ENERGY. They're created using shard energy, and that gives each of them their connection to a specific shard.)

The order goes, from "eldest" to "youngest," Akmad, Erebus, Orpheus, Ragnar, Lorcan, Doleon, and Kieran. They technically don't have ages, nor can age physically. They're adults in the brain.

They were created as small children, raised by the Supreme until they could handle themselves (cough cough a few months cough) HAD THEIR OWN PARENT ERASED FROM THEIR MEMORIES TO PREVENT ATTACHMENT, and then sent into this weird little "world" that only they could enter. It was really to prevent any distractions from their main goal of protecting the Shards (which is a memory they're left with. Call it destiny. They know the Supreme EXISTS, they just don't remember ever being around them.)

They specifically aren't supposed to abuse the power of the Shards. It's always been DANGEROUS AND FORBIDDEN. Akmad especially enforces these rules (he SWEARS he remembers encountering the Supreme once before…he'll be the one to enforce their will.) Of course, though, A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time passes (remember the ageless thing?) and Doleon is kind of sick of it? Always just being told to DO THE THING BECAUSE ITS WHAT THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO. Like, what if he's a little curious? All Akmad or anyone will ever tell him is that its their PURPOSE or some crap. He needs MORE THAN THAT. Why CAN'T they use the Shards energy unless its to protect them? He's used it for fun a few times before and come out just fine! Maybe he would…experiment a bit.

So he does and the results are a disaster, obviously. He overloads on the energy, whoops.

Essentially, it takes the connection Doleon has with the energy of his shard, breaks a sort of "barrier" meant to keep him safe from its negative effects, and disguises itself as a good thing. Like look, you let me use you as a host for more power? You get more power. Simple as that. And that's what it is, he's able to use his energy without barriers. In other words, he overloads on it.

So despite how terrible he felt afterwards, when he WAS able to use it it actually felt pretty good? Like he was the most powerful person in EXISTENCE. THERE WAS LITERALLY NOTHING THE ENERGY DIDN'T ALLOW HIM TO DO. NO LIMITS! Kind of addicting, really. A little too much so. If ONE shard did all that…what kind of power would ALL SEVEN give him?

So Doleon knows he probably cant get the shards on his own. If the guardians aren't around, the little temple thingies they're secured in have slight defense mechanisms. Still not enough to keep them fully protected without their guardians, which he probably needs to lure away somehow, but still risky. He needs help. Maybe from someone who would do anything for him…? No matter how crazy it would sound to everyone else…?

That's right, I'm roping Kieran into this mess.

"I just wanna try something out! It won't hurt anyone, promise!" Oh Doleon if you knew. It seemed a little odd, but Kieran would try and be as helpful as possible!

Summary of the whole process bc its too long to describe in full : They find ways to get the shards however they can. Sometimes, it was pretty easy (especially with Orpheus…easiest one yet) but other times, it proved difficult. A few times, they even accidentally managed to activate the defense mechanisms (one of these being…particularly traumatizing for Doleon, where the temple might have sort have began to close up on him and if Kieran couldn't find a way to stop it in time, he would be killed through two walls literally colliding against his body and squashing him to death slowly and painfully. How silly. Wonder where he got that claustrophobia from.)

Little by little, the more shards they collect and hide from the other brothers, the more changes Kieran notices in Doleon. It scares him, but he'll keep going. Just…maybe keep a close eye on him. Eventually, they run into Erebus, not really paying much attention to where they're going, and Doleon just crashes into Erebus, much to the older brother's annoyance. But something happens. He sees something. A quick little flash in his mind, but still. One of what looks to be one of his own brothers still stands, he can't really see who, but the others? Nothing but shadowy, blurred corpses on the ground. When his two younger brothers have already left and he's alone again, it snaps him back to reality. Remember when I said he pretends not to care about anything? Well shit, what he just saw looks bad. REALLY bad. Someone must have…broken through, somehow. Hurt all but one. He NEEDED to prevent that. So he goes to his other brothers to tell about what he saw, all while Doleon and Kieran go about getting the last shard remaining. No one could FATHOM one of their own hurting the others…it makes no sense! Ruled out automatically.

But what if I said.

Doleon doesn't even know what he's about to do. Literally, mind disconnected from everything else. Once he decides to do what he planned to try with all seven, the shards are in control now. But it doesn't fully happen until he decides to SNAP. And when is that? During an argument with Akmad over his recent strange behavior where Doleon insists nothing is happening or wrong. The shards take over and whoops! You stabbed your brother with an energy spear straight through the heart! Cool, heres some more energy to do a little more violence to the rest of them.

You have to But you know who he snaps out of it at. Poor little Kieran, who could do nothing but watch all that time…the others all fought, so why didn't he?! Why did HE have to be the coward?! Why did HE have to be the little weakling good for nothing at all?! And to make it all worse, he HELPED cause this. He was SOOOOOOOOOOOO WILLING TO HELP! Did that make the half of it his fault?

He's just so done with Doleon now. He may be blaming himself too but Doleon killed all the rest. He's actually angry. He's never risen his voice before, but look at him now. Neither of the remaining two are themselves anymore.

He just turns away. Doleon knows he's not coming back. That hurts…but the shards tell him it shouldn't. You're all powerful now, aren't you? That's what you wanted from the start! Do something with it! Forget Kieran, forget your brothers! You never needed them anyway!

And he turns away too. Shame, they had the strongest bond out of all seven…

And for the rest of his immortal life, Kieran decides he needs to be better. Just. Never care again. And what does that turn him into, centuries later?

In the oc universe au, Kieran is in the place of :

Black Death :) Now, I'm aware that Doleon and Kieran being brothers...does not make Shadow and Eclipse brothers. But here's the thing about that, idk WHAT they are actually. Bc to that extent they aren't canonically "brothers" either. In canon, Doom created Black Death, and he created Eclipse. Who knows what that makes them. Due to that, I headcanon that "brothers" in the Black Arms is just the general familial term. Therefore, to me, it makes sense. Sooooooo...random lore drop! Hooray!

[tobiasdrake]

Speedballs are online. Let's go set the sky on fire.

After a minor pit stop because it's STORY TIME.

Oh wow, I hated that even more than being yeeted. Give me a moment, I need to find the most valuable-looking thing I could possibly throw up on.

Nuh nuh nuh don't talk like that's a secondary objective. I promised you a murder with extreme prejudice.

I promise you, the next time Aephorul glances at this place he'll be like, "What the hell is dangling from Sky Base?" and it will the Catalyst with a power cord wrapped around whatever passes for their neck.

Because that's what friends do for each other.

But first, it's Story Time. Teaks has a new fable to tell us about Estrid!

Wait, mind magic or wind magic? I thought the Triumvirate said wind magic but I might have misheard them. I do that sometimes. It's hard to pay attention when other people are talking.

I don't... think I saw them using any mind magic, though. Unless that weird bird squawk thing the Illuminator was doing was mind magic. Then again, we might still have the Fuck Out Of My Brain Elixirs in our system. Resh'an never said if the effects wear off.

Alright, so I think B'st is a Songster, then. Resh'an mentioned them using Songster magic, but I hadn't made the connection that Songsters are a race. Which is functionally different from an Ovate.

Confirmed that the ancient peoples of this timeline are a different group from the ancient peoples of our timeline, though the similarities are nonetheless evident: Giant statue, transit ball.

*gasp* B'st's bestie! I'm already not liking where this is going.

Yeah, I had my understanding of this totally backwards. I thought they built Estrid long ago, and then Aephorul just repurposed the statue as a fake god for the birdfolk to worship. Because B'st implied that the Songsters' era was long before Aephorul and Resh'an were ever a thing.

But no. Aephorul violently commissioned Estrid's creation as part of the arrangement to purchase the Great Eagle for Resh'an.

So I guess Resh'an and Aephorul were already immortal alchemists palling around, not yet in conflict, when the Songster civilization was a thing. That does make some sense, since they'd need to still be around for Aephorul to use them for soul experiments and stuff.

So. I don't know what B'st was on about, then, with all that "What, did you think YOU were the oldest one here LOL" stuff. I need to just stop trying to make sense of things without you, Teaks.

Glad to see the gift of prophecy was alive and well in this timeline too. Guessing he didn't like what he saw, though. I feel that. I'm pretty sure prophecies only give you information that you'll understand once it's too late to do anything with it.

Except Garl. Garl always got the best prophecies.

Did he look far enough to see us, though? It's very important to me that he knew we would one day arrive in his world.

He was B'st's bestie, and he died trapped in that one stasis tank in Aephorul's workshop. I need to know that he had this one light to hang onto, that he knew how strong and brilliant and beautiful I am.

YES JACKPOT HE KNEW

Okay, I feel better about his terrible, tragic fate. I think B'st might be giving me stink-eye, though.

Okay, so maybe prophecies aren't all bad. When B'st said the battery could be used to restart the speedball network, I took it to be the last surviving bit of the old speedball power network or whatever.

But no, T'kor built the battery into Estrid as a secret long-term machination to be used only once, for this exact purpose. That makes sense.

HOLD UP WHAT

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT

I thought that was, like... Some kind of advanced precursor technology that Estrid was holding. BUT IT WAS JUST A HUGE ROCK

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

WHY WOULDN'T HE, IT'S JUST A HUGE ROCK

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

T'KOR WAS A MAD FUCKING GENIUS HAHAHAHAHA WOW

And he knew how brightly I shine and did all this for me. <3 I'm really sad he's dead now. I would have loved to meet him.

That's so sad. I'm genuinely touched by how much ingenuity and planning he put into all of this. I... I think I actually have a little nugget of grief for him after hearing all of that. I hope he felt good about what he'd done in his final moments.

...I hope....

*shouting over edge* THANKS BESTIE! YOU'RE REALLY SMART AND CREATIVE AND PROBABLY HANDSOME, AND I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT WE'RE ALL BETTER OFF 'CAUSE YOU WERE THERE! I'M GONNA DO SO MUCH VIOLENCE TO THE PEOPLE WHO DID THIS TO YOU!!! *kiss blow*

There. If he's seeing the future right now then he probably saw that. At least, I hope he saw that instead of me vomiting on the speedball winch.

Have a good life with the time you have, whenever you are, T'kor.