#why does dying in this place we've lived in our whole life feel like some sort of evil? what's wrong with me?

[thr4shit]

Feels weird how we went from being a little kid wanting to never leave our hometown to being us now, wanting to leave and never come back...

[starberry-cupcake]

UPDATING AGAIN!!! I probably won't be able to read in the next 2 days, so I wanted to do some catching up before that. Life, etc.

previously in harrowcita del 9:

this happened

CHAPTER 37

there's a training montage before the Beast arrives

the narrator (still undetermined, I'm starting to wonder if it's harrow but a harrow with all her memories or something, I don't know yet) says what we've been thinking the whole time

"the lyctors also did what they perhaps should have from the very start, and organized loosely planned, often contradictory sessions of instruction for Ianthe—and for you"

abysmal organizational skills, these people

harrow is wondering who of all her companions will betray the emperor

I think it's you, harrow, but I'm not certain yet

harrow is also wondering if she'll live or not, everyone's betting against her but I'm still holding my faith for the little feral kitten

doctor reverend emperor john tells harrow again that if she wants to be locked in with him in coward corner, she can do that

the emperor's hideout:

I suggest you do that, harrow, and while you're in there, you kill him

harrow lives, the emperor dies, we all win

harrow asks doctor reverend emperor john why he's such a coward

not with those words, exactly

I mean, I'm not saying he's a coward because he hides, he's a coward because he hides while his lyctors die for him

the emperor gives one of his Speeches about how when he resurrected nine planets, he became God and without him, the Houses die with him, because the star of their system would fail and become a black hole

I think it's a risk we'd all have to take if it kills him tbh, bring in the black hole

"so many people hate us" YOU DON'T SAY

harrow asks dr reverend emperor john who AL is

the emperor proceeds to change subject by asking harrow if her and yandere twin are practicing safe sex

to which harrow responds with "we don't even like each other"

and he's like "sorry, sorry, my bad"

BACK TO A.L. WHICH IS THE SUBJECT I'M INTERESTED IN

AL is indeed Annabel Lee though her real name is undisclosed

she was the emperor's bodyguard and the first resurrected and maybe the blueprint of the resurrection thing itself and also kind of everyone's sort of mother??? it's complicated

the First House apparently went out via rising sea levels and nuclear fission

as one does, if you didn't pay attention to captain planet

emperor clown says that she wasn't a human being and she struggled to pretend that she was

as if you guys behaved as human beings, but ok

and that she died after the first time they did the killing that brought them into this situation in the first place

we've heard a bit of this with teacher, in the gideon-less au

but she didn't die, according to him, the lyctors asked the emperor to kill her and he imprisoned her in the locked tomb

so the emperor here is maybe not telling the whole truth

which, again, confuses me, because how can exposition be real in an au that is not, unless there's something real in it in some way

there is new information in the gideon-less au that is relevant and also accurate to our present situation, even if the au isn't what actually happened

and it feels like a hotel california because the people who are alive in there, as time passes by, are the ones that died here

like, if you think about it, those that remain alive there are all the ones that died (the fifth, the kids, martita, real!dulcinea, protozoa, ortus)

the ones who are dying there are still alive here (camilla, palmolive, regina george twin, judith) except for duracell bunny nephew (because his soul is sailing the high seas), and mayonnaise uncle, who is my one outlier that ruins my theory

BUT HE SAID BTW that ominous thing to regina george twin, before pushing her off, about her sister being "out there"

also, palmolive said "kill us twice, shame on god" or something along those lines???

SO WHAT KIND OF PURGATORY STUFF ARE WE CAUGHT IN HERE??? IDK

ANYWAY, BACK TO THE CHAPTER

everything crashes because dr reverend emperor john tells harrow that AL would have liked her and that he would have liked to be her father

harrow proceeds to have a meltdown about that

which, fair, if this guy told me that, I'd also be devastated

NOW here's where I started wondering if harrow is the narrator

like there's two harrows or something

because the narrator says "you bereft idiot" and I think harrow's the only one who would dunk on harrow like that

I don't know, I'm probably not making any sense, but what if????

the emperor admits to being a fool which, fair

and harrow admits to having looked into the tomb

and the emperor says it's impossible that she bypassed the wards because he didn't include a way in and made a ward that wouldn't answer to anyone

he thinks whatever harrow thinks she saw wasn't what is there and that her parents died for nothing

harrow doesn't trust her mind one bit, so she questions what she really saw

and the emperor asks her who tampered with her temporal lobe

which accounts for the bleeding when she tries to remember, I think

I also think that she did it herself, maybe? or at least with her consent, but she doesn't remember

I think there's a plan here

in any case, harrow doesn't describe ice cube barbie to the emperor

she just runs away with more questions than answers, as usual

CHAPTER 38

if you thought harrow's mental turmoil would be taking a break, think again

this book really exhausts one emotionally huh

harrow is questioning all of the things she thinks she knows and can see with her own two eyes after the emperor told her she didn't really see the tomb or ice cube barbie

which is great, because now she sees not!dulcinea under her bed

she goes to fetch yandere twin and she sees nothing

I legit thought she was gaslighting harrowcita tbh

but then harrow doesn't see her anymore

I don't know, man, I don't trust anyone in this place

also, alleged gideon aka ortus tries to kill harrow one last time, for the road

he doesn't kill her, but tells her not to go into the river and to end herself without suffering because he failed her by not killing her

and he also says "this wasn't my idea"

harrow (and anyone reading) wants to know whose idea it was, but telling us would be just too straightforward for lyctors who do everything dramatically backwards

narrator says "you were always such a little bitch when you were angry"

IS THIS HARROW? IS IT? don't tell me

CHAPTER 39

the Beast is approaching and we have a terrible plan, so it's time to start it

harrow makes a comment about her sword and how "your dead self told you to carry" it

♥ we love the sword because we love gideon ♥

the Herald starts approaching and there's a very unpleasant energetic situation going on with its arrival

harrowcita does some meditation that sounds actually very cool

"You made yourself one inhalation and exhalation—reduced yourself to one sensation, following it from down at the toes up all the lines of your body to the crown of your head"

this situation of pain and suffering is gonna go on for over an hour, according to mercygirl

I mean, nobody told you to kill planets so, that's what you get

the chapter ends with a 10 minute mark until breach and with harrow walking to her death

but next freakin chapter starts with "nine months and 29 days before the emperor's murder" SO I GUESS WE WON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IMMEDIATELY AFTER

and this is where I have to stop, so until next time, I really won't know what happens and I'll have time to marinate all those wacky theories I just threw

[rylliejay]

Okay, do not take this as a negative. I really really enjoyed the movie. THAT said, i feel it could have been better, it could have been great.

So. Here's how I'd have edited Rebel Moon, if Zack Snyder had asked.

1) id have opened en media rez. Played like ten seconds of the scene from kora's flashback when she's charging across the dusty battlefield. She plants the flag. Hard cut to the silence of her plowing the field.

2) when the old man is asking her why she can't settle down, "i can't take a lover (buzz word) it means something different to me. I'm not made like that. -" im a child of war etc....

3) instead of kora telling Gunnar unprompted her entire life story, she mostly stops after describing her planets demise, saying the only reason she survived is because they took her to be a soldier

4) everything's the same except when Gunnar says he knows when the bloodaxes are hiding makes the scene when noble tortures the informant redundant. Either Gunnar doesn't tell the audience or some lackey comes up to noble and tells him "we've found where the bloodaxes are" we already know he's willing to torture, we already know where they are, the only thing this scene tells us is how the nail guns work. But we can figure that out on our own. It's a nail gun .

5) tarak's introduction left a lot to desire. The way everyone came in and started asking about everything, i feel since everyone else is talking about their damage it would have followed the im world logic for him to say something about "my only crime to the motherland is to exist. But their crime against me is great and worthy of retribution. Except I'm stuck here." Or some such. Idk i feel it was muddy

6) having kora tell Gunnar about the princess being hope personified was redundant since Jimmy and sam already had the same conversation. Idk what else she'd say here, but i feel it could be distinguished a bit more. Maybe since the OTHER scene that it's copying (other flashback) is shortened then that would help this one stand on it's own?

7) kai standing around evil monologuing to the trapped heroes and then IMMEDIATELY noble standing around evil monologuing to the trapped heroes is extremely redundant. Also, this is now a big reveal that kora was adopted by what's his face. The regent. Everyone turns to look upon her in mixes of horror and wonder.

8) the line "i never really liked the pilot" should have been said while walking past his body and kicking it or something. He was a major character who was killed. He should be treated like a main character. It literally only takes showing his body when that line is said and holding off the pan out by 2 seconds.

9) I'd also have Kora slowly go from saying "we need to save Gunner's home" to "we need to save my home" because i spent most of them movie thinking she'd completed her whole arc in the first however many minutes before she slaughtered the soldiers things protect sam. But she DOES have an arc, as shown by the lines "sometime something i want to live" talking to the old man vs. " It is (a good place to die)" at the end. That she wants to spend her whole life here until she dies. That she found something worth dying for. But she never takes about it . She should talk about it more. We should see it

PLEASE don't take this as me not liking the movie, if I didn't like it i wouldn't have cared enough to write this out. It was a BEAUTIFUL movie with interesting characters who i am excited to see more of. My list is under 10 points, that's pretty good. Can't wait for part 2 to come out!!

[cantfightmoonlight]

"Ma'am?" Meena's brow curved up in amusement, having not heard that one in a bit now. It wasn't a saying most used on the East Coast, though she had enjoyed hearing it her fair deal whenever she visited the South. "Aren't you from New York?" She mused, a melodic laugh broke from her lips as she eyed him curiously. "And that's fair. Though, is there a reason why you feel like you have to mourn yourself alone?" She asked, leaning forwards herself as she moved to prop her chin up with the palms of her hands. "No judgement. It just sounds lonely is all," She hummed softly out. A feeling she was quite familiar with herself, not that she bothered to point that little detail out.

"It seems to me like you're placing a lot of pressure on yourself," She observed with a small shrug of her own before she moved to take another sip from her cup. "Those questions you're trying to answer? They are ones we all spend a lifetime searching for. Who are we? We may think we know. We may start to feel secure in the definition we've assigned ourselves, but the truth is, with each passing second, we are different than we were the second before. With the more life we live and with the more experience we take on, our interests shift, our appetites change and we evolve and adapt for better or for worse. Human or vampire or otherwise. And that isn't to say that transitioning into a vampire can't be traumatic or deserves the time to grieve. It does, but if you want my advice? Lean into the unknown. Embrace it. It's okay not to have all the answers or feel lost sometimes. That is simply a part of life, dying or otherwise, and you're going to likely feel that way a hundred more times and that's okay."

Though at his clarification, a light laugh broke from Meena's lips as she leaned back against her seat. "Have I offered yet?" She mused. "I'm not asking for a commitment, love. I have yet to extend an invitation, so you can relax. Though even if I was offering, I hardly consider the Clan a commitment. We don't have meetings or really much of any requirements besides that of respect and, given that we're a bunch of immortals, members come and go as they please. Which brings us to your choices. For one thing, you always have them. Sometimes your options might not be the most appealing, but every decision we make is a choice. So, if you don't want to be a permanent resident, you don't have to be. There is a whole world out there and, yes, there are hunters by the plenty and they will make every attempt they can on your life. But, it is up to you as to whether or not, the risk is worth it. For some it is. While for others, Lunar Cove can have far more to offer than simply safety. It just depends if you know where to look."

"Can I ask you a question?" Meena asked. A sweet melodic hum breaking from her lips as she looked at him. "How much of your human life did you spend thinking? And overthinking? If you live here, you're a part of this community. There is no where to fit, for you already do. And although I know, after this conversation, you'll likely spend weeks more contemplating and thinking and then overthinking, but I wonder how miraculous you'll be when and if you ever make the choice to live. The sun on your skin and the drink in your hand are yours for the taking. The only thing stopping you is you. So, maybe just be careful about the 'eventually', hm hun? For whenever I do choose to ask if you'd like to join, the offer won't remain on table forever. And if you're constantly holding back until you're ready, think about all the doors that may close on you in the meantime. But, that's likely enough advice for one coffee. Don't you think?"

Not an outlier. Not yet, anyway. He blinked at the words, letting them settle within. It sounded to Julian like there truly was a limit to whatever kindness was being offered, and part of him wondered how long that would stretch for. His gaze followed the cup of coffee extended towards him, and he slowly accepted it. One sip confirmed his suspicions, the taste of blood being picked up easily by the young vampire. It was like the first sip of crisp water after meandering hours through the dry desert, though he hid how elated he felt at the taste. Of course he thought it could have been some kind of invitation — why else would Meena be seeking him out? He’d heard it from a few people, that he should join the clan. He could gain access to drinks like this one he was currently enjoying, have protection from the sun without carrying around a dorky umbrella or waiting for it to be dark out to finally go outside. He could have a community of people who understood him now, just as she was offering. He pursed his lips against the cup but smoothed his expression into a small smile when he lowered it.

“Well I really appreciate you reaching out and being understanding of needing time, ma’am,” he said in a quiet sigh, wondering for a moment if he should have called her a more respectful honorific — like “your highness” or “madam mayor” or something. What was the proper thing to say? Gently nudging his sketchbook aside, Julian leaned forward with his elbows braced on the table. “I don’t think I’ve given myself the proper moment to mourn… Me. Which is probably what I’m so stuck on. I stopped feeling like me the second I woke up from the transformation, and I’m trying to make sense of not just what I am now, or what my life is, but who I am now.” He was silent a brief moment before leaning back in his chair. Maybe he just needed a supernatural therapist to talk this all out with.

“I’m not saying no to the clan,” he clarified, “It would be very stupid not to join. I just don’t think I’m ready to commit to it just yet. Truth is I wasn’t entirely sure I would be sticking around here for long. Now with everything that’s going on, it feels like I’ve got no choice but to be a permanent resident.” There was no safe place for supernaturals outside of Lunar Cove, and he was a supernatural now. There was no other way to cut it.

“I guess I’m still trying to process not just what happened to me, but what’s happening to this community as a whole and where I fit into it. If that makes sense.” He felt absolutely useless in the fight against the catalyst, but maybe he had more a part to play than he realized he was capable of doing. “I think… I know,” he amended, “eventually I’ll be in the clan. That’s where I’ll likely belong, but I’m not there mentally yet.” He smiled weakly before adding, “Though I do miss the sunlight on my skin.” Maybe that would end up being the nail in his coffin. No pun intended. “And squirrel blood is pretty gross by comparison to this drink. Thank you for that, by the way. Didn’t think blood and coffee made a good pairing but boy is that good.”

[bunchofstraydogs]

Dazai Osamu character breakdown as I understand him

Meaning that this might be inaccurate and your opinion and visage of him might differ from mine, which is just fine. We perceive the world and the people around us through our experiences and expectations. I'm curious to know how you guys see a complex character like Dazai, just please respect everyone's opinions.

Warning: Manga plot mentions, s2 spoilers, BEAST light novel spoilers, Dazai Osamu

Dazai Osamu was introduced into the scene of Bungou Stray Dogs at 14 when Mori found him.

Even at that young age, Dazai had suicidal tendencies and had been wrapped in bandages similarly as he is in the present. Already dealing with too much trauma for a child his age, the fire is fuelled as he was forced to bear witness to the death of the Port Mafia boss at the hands of Mori, the person that took him under his wing. To use him; which was becoming very apparent to Osamu if he hadn't been aware since the start. Now, I'm not saying that death of the previous boss left a particular scar on Samu, he even agrees with it and is something he himself would have done. But that that is the scene that bore fruit of the following quotes:

"Or could it be that you're afraid, Mori-san? That one day i will slit your throat and take over as the boss?"

followed by

"Everyone seems suspicious to those who have an axe to grind."

This tells us right away that he can tell what type of person you are just from the way you perceive your surroundings, which is logical, but not something many think too deep into.

Even less who have their evaluations of others on point like he does. And he has to, since Dazai's plan is always to understand his allies, his enemies, possible allies and possible enemies. He also takes into account important neutral parties that can still, in one way or another, affect the outcome of his plans or decide to align with one side out of common interest. After comes realising the main goals, along with side achievements (just in case some of those maim his allies or ruin the future plans he made) of every party. Taking in their morals and motivation, and being familiar with the ground the confrontation will happen on, he now has the view of the whole chess board and it's pieces in his head. He moves his allies in the right places, knowing how they'll react in the situation to come, and awaits the enemies with open fire arms. He was tought to think like that. At all times. Mori made sure of it. You know how specialists never really stop thinking in their areas of expertise, like doctors, for example, will naturally notice people's posture and look for scoliosis or whatever? How your foot hits the floor, if you're walking straight, your knees and shoulders, etc. Same for Dazai. His brain maps out person's expressions, reactions, choices, personality, etc. in great detail. I'm pretty sure he has eidetic memory, if his conversations in manga with Fyodor are anything to go by.

Another thing his brain does is think of worst possible outcomes.

Not in a fear of what if things go wrong, but as a possible route. He uses it to determine how big of a threat the opposing force is and what steps they'll have to take to achieve that. Knowing that, he'll know how to intercept them. Also, like everything else, it's not something he can control since we're talking about thought process here and that's just how his brain works. Can't magically turn that off. It's especially annoying to him when he's genuinely enjoying himself with, let's say, ADA members and then his brain goes brrr.

•"A lot happened recently and we're a torn in many people's eyes." *Tanizaki and Atsushi drinking punch* "There's a possibility, while a small one, about 8% at this very moment, but as time goes on will increase, that an organisation outside of Yokohama decided we're an unavoidable threat and poisoned the drinks. Don't drink that. Nothing will happen, they'll wake up tomorrow in pristine condition don't drink th-"

Yeah, i feel bad for him too.

He has PTSD and insomnia, besides the hectic brain,

so he's not getting proper amount of rest. Actually, he drinks almost every night by himself at home. Pretty sure it's canon as well, because if you search for a picture of him in his room, you'll see him surrounded by multiple bottles. Two of the PTSD symptoms are hallucinations and night terrors (no, that is not the same as a nightmare). What people usually do is use opium to cause hallucinations in a safe environment so that there's little chance of them happening uncontrolled. He's probably using alcohol to numb himself while he's reminiscing, since if he does still have hallucinations after years having passed by (which isn't impossible), they're probably few and far between. Not saying there's no chance he isn't using opium. He would know where to get what he needs, after all.

Osamu's haunted by his own actions as well, not just by trauma caused to him.

At an uncountable amount of occasions, he found himself looking into a mirror and not really comprehending his image. It was like dissociation. Looking through a fog at what's supposed to be your carbon copy, but not knowing all of your features perfectly, so whatever you're seeing could only be an impostor, yet you're not sure because that would take comprehending physical proof of your life to the fullest and how it works and he just... can't. He can but he doesn't want to. He already knows he's despicable and broken, doesn't really feel the need to see just how much. He can't, for all his perfect memory, remember the faces of the people he has killed. He hadn't even seen all of them, but he was responsible for their demise. Causing havoc and misfortune in general through other crimes besides murder as well. We've seen his expression when he listened in on Atsushi talking to Kyouka over the earpiece how the 35 deaths don't matter anymore. He knows they do and he knows that the change of heart won't justify what he's they've done. Ango thought him to value each life. But he also knows that even murderers can change and become good. Oda did that. It's also what's keeping him in the agency.

When Oda died, his last words mentioned that Dazai doesn't care about good or bad and that was correct for Dazai Osamu back then. I genuinely think that his present self does mind the difference.

He believes in necessary evil and will do dark shit to get the good outcome he's envisioned.

He doesn't separate outlaws and lawful people, however.

He knows that generally speaking, the line is thin and easy to cross and that many were born or forced into the situations they are. Those that fight the life thrown at them are an exception, not a rule. That's also why he likes Atsushi, probably the main reason. The boy has every right to hate the world and yet. Dazai is envious, he doesn't really have the same capacity.

I want now to talk about why does Dazai Osamu do what Dazai Osamu does.

The reason he attempts suicide, joined the mafia, made friends at all, is because for all his intelligence and observations, ability to understand others, he doesn't really understand himself.

He doesn't understand his worth. He doesn't understand his purpose. In all of that confusion, he finds no reason to live. He laughs but can't get the high, he bruises but can't fully heal. In all of the things people find happiness in he can't feel joy from. He is emotionally stunted. He thinks too logically. He doesn't understand actions out of emotions because to him, it doesn't make sense. Emotions cloud your mind and when you're not thinking straight, you make mistakes. Plain and simple. He just accepts it, that most people simply cannot control themselves and prefer lashing out instead of methodical approach. All the better for him, he has leverage. Even when he does act on impulse, which is incredibly rare and not as explosive and dramatic, his brain rationalises it as to why his actions were a good way to go. And if his reaction was one that bore fruit, than it was a tactical one.

"If you place yourself somewhere close to raw emotions, where you're exposed to raw violence and death, instinct and desire, you can brush against man's true nature. I though that way i could find a reason to live somehow."

From this, i can tell that he was hoping that, in a situation where he's pushed far enough, he'd realise what's important to him, what he wants to protect or destroy, what's one thing he wouldn't want to leave unsettled before dying. What is that one thing he'd regret dying before achieving? What should he fight death for. What is worth living on for? To him, it doesn't matter if that something is good or evil as long as he gets to keep it in his life.

It seems he hadn't found it exactly, but is satisfied with what he has for now, in the agency, to just keep going. But he still tries to commit suicide, hoping that one day, when the clear picture of the world around him is fading away, when he's becoming light headed from the lack of oxygen, when he's loosing control over his body and thoughts don't seem to flow well, there will be one thing, anyone, screaming at him to fight it. New day new chances. It didn't happen today, better luck tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomo-.

Now, like Mori, Dazai feels the need to, at all times, be in control of the situation. Including people.

That means no one, but perhaps Ranpo due to his own abnormal intellect, is aware of their own role. They know their mission, but they're not expecting to be given that particular one because they'll come across an obstacle they would react to in a way that would satisfy Osamu's plans.

Dazai Osamu is more of a chemist, than a chess player, if you ask me.

Throwing different people into the mix, under different conditions at different times and is noting down their reactions in safe surrounding if possible, so that when the time calls for it, he'll be able to make a perfect concoction for the predicament. A chemist and his substances; A chess player and his pawns; A puppeteer and his puppets. Now, Dazai is meticulous and never rash, but like everyone else (except effin Lovecraft what is he even) he's only human and he bleeds when he falls down and humans aren't perfect. He isn't always right. That means he makes mistakes. The issue with big shot players that control the board is that, when they fall down, everyone on their side crashes and burns as well. So the day Dazai fucks up everyone else will follow because of lack of insight on their part that's completely out of their control. All it takes is for him to underestimate or overestimate one person and chaos ensues. There is no such thing as happy little accidents small mistakes for someone like him. I have crippling anxiety and a sole thought that one hiccup could blow up in everyone's face... damn. I would try committing suicide myself. But it's his fault, he brought upon himself an obligation and pressure like that. To be fair, it was Mori that drilled that type of thinking where no one should know what you plan because they can't ruin what they don't know If they turn against you, they can't stop you.

For his own sake, and everyone else's, Dazai needs to learn how to show his cards and share the burden.

Again, going back to the emotionally stunted guy that has commitment issues (where he either can't commit or can't let go) trope.

He never outright does something good for someone where people would acknowledge it, he uses his underhanded tactics here as well.

He casually makes himself look like a bad guy, an asshole, to conveniently move attention from the inner turmoil a person is struggling with to a present problem at hand that they can fix and let their frustrations out on. But he hopes that, one day, someone just might notice his intentions for what they are and do the unspeakable- see through him.

"I'm a very private person. You don't ask, i don't tell."

Yes, and your whole existence is just a huge cry for help. He wants to be asked. He's begging for attention. A specific type of attention. One that will see him without making him feel imposed on. One that will understand his sins without making a big deal out of it. Accept him as a person he is, makes him feel like one as well. Makes him feel alive. Makes him feel... period.

The day he finds that thing is the day he completely turns his life around and fully dedicates to it. It's where the part of not being able to let go commitment issue ensues.

Since Oda's death he's been secretly keeping an eye out on possible ways to bring him back. If you've read Beast AU you know that when Dazai gets his hands on the book, he'll create a universe where Oda doesn't die. Should he find an ability user that can bring back the dead, just tell him what it will take, he's ready to destroy his own soul for it and if that isn't enough, well, he'll have no hesitation ruining theirs. After all, BEAST!Dazai Osamu never actually met Odasaku, he just had the memories he'd gotten from his canon self and that was enough for him to do everything he did.

He's incredibly selfish and has a weird come in but the door is a wall dynamic he rolls with in his self imposed solitude.

It's like the walls of the space in my brain are ugly and terrifying, so i closed off the entrance to keep myself in. I'm doing you a favour but please break the wall down and tell me it's okay to come out i don't want to be here-

Happy little thoughts woah woah yeah~

That's what i got from what I've seen of him. I may have missed some things, some things might prove to be wrong as the series progress further, but yeah.

There is, however, one more thing i want to put out here. Since Dazai was already like this before Mori found him, that begs to question as to why? What happened to him?

Now, since the characters are based on real people, is it crazy to say that Dazai Osamu has had a horrible childhood because of his father? Real life Dazai was terrified of his dad and was very intimidated by him. He always tried to stay in his good graces out of fear of punishment. Neither of his parents felt like a parent to him, actually. His father didn't care and his mother was often ill, but did care for him when she could. Both of them died eventually.

This could be the plot Kafka based Dazai's background on, but we'll have to wait and see.

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP Meme Lines from "AHS: Coven" Episode 8: "The Sacred Taking"

You don't go home till I say.

Make me fight for it

I'll carve you up in big thick slices, then plug every hole you got.

[NAME] set me straight.

You were never my friends.

You don't see me bitching out.

[NAME] filled my head with that bullshit, too.

That bitch will say anything if it gets her what she wants.

This isn't for you. Yet.

You just killed an innocent man!

This town ain't big enough for the two of us.

War is coming. And you're gonna lose.

I used to think I understood pain.

My body doesn't belong to me

The doctors say it's terminal.

Die before Thanksgiving, so none of us have to suffer through that mess of raisins and Styrofoam you call stuffing.

They say love is the best medicine.

You are so beautiful.

You're just a fool in love.

You like the way I look, take a picture.

I don't want you watching me decay.

Are you scared?

I'm not scared of dying.

I'm scared of living like this.

I wouldn't give anyone the satisfaction of me killing myself.

I'll stay alive just to spite them.

I just have to figure out which one of those little pecker-heads it is.

They worship the devil.

Look what they did to you.

You don't get it! They saved me!

Nothing happened in that house.

You brought this on yourself.

You had no business going that house.

You're unclean.

Take off your pants.

She's hurting him.

Let's get back to the battle plan.

I want to slit her throat.

You have to stay hidden until it's time.

She cannot know you're back.

We have one shot. That's it.

Our plan has to be flawless. So does the execution.

Failure turns this into a suicide mission.

You have to save me.

I knew the world could be a dark and evil place.

I tried to disappear into nature. But I have been found.

Aw, you probably have no idea where you are.

You've been through a terrifying ordeal, but you came back.

The cicadas have stopped singing.

Somebody is looking to kill me.

You were set on fire and left for dead.

Whatever troubles you had, they are ours now.

Don't worry. You're amongst friends.

I thought I'd never see you again.

Given my wretched appearance, maybe it's a good thing you're blind as a butter knife.

How did your hair grow back so quick?

What have they done to you?

I've lost my eyes.

Our journey starts today.

We're gonna be busy all night.

Why can't he watch porn and jerk off like any other guy?

Be good, baby.

We'll have fun later.

I feel like a queen.

You thought it was you, didn't you?

Well, I knew it wasn't you

It could be any one of us.

It's not a gift. It's a burden.

Now, give me your hands.

We're ready to begin.

Can you imagine those poor Salem witches, traveling all the way down here in covered wagons without a proper charcuterie platter or a bidet? Absolutely savage!

Does nobody see the flaw in this plan?

I just love this room, especially the walk-in closet.

I need that.

Surprise, bitch.

I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me.

How soon can you have all of your stuff out of here?

I really need my own room.

I can't wait to break it in.

What are you?

Who brought you back?

Looks like you've got some 'splainin' to do.

We all know the playbook on this.

I'm gonna bring marshmallows and graham crackers to make s'mores.

As my powers grow, yours fade away.

Let me break this down for yo, and stop me if I talk too fast; I'm in, you're out.

You can swallow these pills and go to sleep. Stop suffering. And stop our suffering. The choice is yours.

Is everyone back from the dead, or have I already died and gone to heaven?

That's not one of the choices, darling.

I have finally found someone I belong to. Someone I truly love.

No details, darling. I couldn't bear it.

I am very ill, [NAME]. I won't last long.

You haven't thought through this, [NAME]

You're still my beautiful angel.

This dream of a perfect love you're clinging to is just a nasty trick life is playing on you.

You will die the same way you lived your life; alone and disappointed by everyone.

What's the matter?

He won't stay till the end. They promise, but they don't.

You are nothing but an envious old bitch.

This whole room smells of death!

I'll die soon. I promise.

How'd it go?

Why can't it be me?

You have no style and your pits smell like fish sticks.

You guys suck balls.

Come hold this mirror for me.

Life is a carnival, [NAME].

I was so crazy about him.

Some play it safe on the merry-go-round, others go for the thrills on the roller coaster.

I mean, I could sit here and boo-hoo my choices, torment myself over the selfish detours I have taken. But what good

would it do now? Hmm?

Do me a favor, get me my fur from the closet.

It was preemptive, I suppose, my leaving. Get out of town before they run you out on a rail.

I've always been rigorous about not staying too long at the party. Bad form.

Know when it's over.

I could never pull off the corals.

You need to take this. We must purge you of this poison.

I was murdered.

I see everything.

I am finally trying to do something decent

You're making a martyr of yourself by giving up.

You've been tricked.

I won't permit it.

I don't understand.

They've been running a number on you.

They've been leading you to your doom with lies.

You've always been my silent sentinel.

Ain't they feeding you?

Whatever did I do to deserve this betrayal?

Didn't you like my pot pie and my peach crumble I learned how to make just for you?

You put me in here.

You can get me out.

This cage is just unfit for a human. Which is why it's so perfect for you.

You know, when I had the idea to have you brought back to me, I thought of all the many ways I could dispose of you. But I've found it give me great pleasure just to know you in a cage.

I'm not your damn maid!

I wouldn't be so eager to show my arrogance from that side of the cage.

What you gonna do? Kill me? I can't die.

Eh, throw me back in the box.

I seen enough of this world.

You think I only have those two choices?

The mistake you make is from a lack of imagination.

I'm not afraid of you. I wouldn't give you that satisfaction.

This gave me no satisfaction. But we've only just begun.

How dare you come into my house after what you've done.

Stay away from her!

I made you and I can unmake you.

Don't leave me!

It's Schubert's last sonata. It's all about acceptance of death.

This is so incredibly stressful and weird.

You don't feel anything?

My stomach feels like a storm's about to hit, but it's probably just my nerves.

I'm not exactly what you call a natural born leader.

Your feet should be getting warmer.

I'm told it starts as a tingle in the cooch.

You can't be in here.

We're under attack.

None of us are safe.

I might have slept until noon.

You didn't really make this coffee all on your own, did you?

If you're waiting for me to get down on my knees and beg for your forgiveness, you can forget it. It's not gonna happen.

Now you're proud?

[san-station]

Come home • Hwang Hyunjin

Pairing: Hwang Hyunjin x Reader

WARNING: kinda angst?

↝Word count: 2k

A/N: Imagine it's around 1940 - 1950

You were slowly dancing in the living room, all alone, while the jazz music from the record player flowed through the house into your ears, making you breath in a small bubble of nostalgic and happiness. Your beloved friend, Seungmin, was taking care of your children, well informed of the special evening so you decided to embrace yourself with your traditional ritual. 

You arrived home pretty late, tired of working all day, although, the warm feeling of your home inviting you to relax on that special day was very promising, so nothing could stop you from opening that bottle of red wine, taking off your hurtful shoes and setting the music up. It brought you a bit of tranquility in a whole industrialized country where working was the first priority for safety.

You glanced at every little detail around you, the shelves where pictures and some toys rested, paintings that your children did gathered over the floor, promises made on those walls that will never be true… and so, you finally saw it. It was a small velvet box covered with a few dust particles. You slowly stepped near it and grabbed it with your free hand. 

You sighed and opened.  

It’s a special evening, you remembered. 

“March 20th. 

Today is a special day, right? How are you doing? Are you eating well? This nostalgic is sickening the walls from our place, darling. Can you imagine the green walls getting darker and darker each time we say your name? We know you probably won’t read this on time but… happy birthday! It’s the first one away from us… How does it feel? Do you miss us? Sure you do, mister 'I love mi family so much I'll die for them'. That letter was cute, to be honest.

Anyway, remember we’re happy for you! Oh, and Rodie wrote a poem for you, it says ‘One day I’ll be tall, one day I’ll be strong, one day I’ll be like you, that day might be soon’. Isn’t it cute?! He misses you so much, I really hope you’re okay. Stay safe and you’ll come home very soon. 

Yours forever, 

Y/N ”

~

“April 19th.

Today, Rodie wanted to go stargazing, he said he saw a shooting star and wished you were here. Then, he cried because he was pretty sure that saying the wish out loud won’t make it happen, but I made sure to let him know that we will see you soon, Jinnie! You know... while I looked at the stars, all I could think was you, you and your beauty, you and your kindness, you and only you...

Your eyes are watching the same sky as we are, did you know? So basically we’re all stargazing together!  We still have this, tho haha.

You’re the brightest star of all the galaxy, darling. Also, thanks for your letter and the little poem, Rodie was bragging about it at school all the week, even the teacher said he should stop but he’s a proud boy showing how much you care about him. 

Anyway, stay safe.

Yours forever, 

Y/N.”

~

 “April 27th

I got fever for the whole week, Jinnie, my sister took care of me the whole time, don’t worry! Yet, as I was sleeping with the delusional heat, I suddenly felt your warm arms around my waist, back hugging me while we sleep. I could listen to your heartbeat, and I was trying to match mine with yours. And I heard you whispered that you'll be here soon! Was it all a dream? I wish you were here.

Sometimes I dream you’d touch my belly and ask if I'm doing okay, if we are doing okay. And I’d say that you don’t need to worry about the growing life that’s getting stronger everyday inside of me, we've been through this before, this is just another round!

  I didn’t want to wake up, however, Rodie asked to write you something again since we didn’t received a response from the previous one. He says ‘Dad! Did you know that elephants can’t jump?! And that pandas can be 12 hours eating?! I once ate for three hours because mom’s food is awful but I couldn’t throw it away, I love her too much... When are you coming home? Uncle Chan just arrived and he said he was with you for a couple of days but you had to go to another place… Where are you know? Take care, goodnight, Dad!’ 

He learned a lot today… I hope you’re doing fine and come home soon, love. We’ll wait for your letter. 

Yours forever, 

Y/N and Rodie.”

~

“May 14th

Your best friend Chan came home today, he says I’m getting fatter and I almost punched him in the face. Well, he’s not wrong, I hope you’d be here when the time comes. 

Some days I miss you more than others, but some days I miss myself more than you… I can’t recognize myself in the mirror if you’re not here, my love. Rodie wakes up every morning asking for his daddy but he knows you’re doing your best. Be safe, Jinnie… We love you.

Yours forever,

Y/N. "

~

“May 25th

Once again I’m standing here with my tainted fingers, today is colder than yesterday but warmer than the day before… I keep searching for answers to an unsaid question, and all I can think about is you, your soft lips against my cheeks, your bright smile making my heart skip beats, your loud laugh catching everyone’s attention, your sweet voice asking me to dance with you even if there was no music playing… Gosh, even if you're not here I fall in love more and more with you. I miss you...

We’re waiting for you, my love. It’s been a while since we got one of your letters but I’m certain you’re getting ours… We love you! Come home!

Yours forever,

Y/N.”

~

“June 30th

Today… Today was a nightmare, Hyunjin. I couldn't bring myself to write this but ... I found a letter at the mail station a month ago, it was from someone called Seungmin, he said you worked together for a while… I waited a month to write this but here it is. 

I’ll never forget you for doing this, Hyunjin. My heart is broken, I don’t think my tears will ever stop from falling, I feel like dying whenever I look at your pictures and… I can’t do this anymore.  Even when I know you’ll never read this, I need to write to you because, someday, this feelings would get to you in a way, meanwhile, I’ll let myself suffer because of what you did...

Yours,

Y/N.”

~

“July  6th

I yelled at Rodie today… He was demanding to see you but I can’t, not now. Chan visited us, he told me to stay strong but how? Does he even know how much a broken heart can swell and tear you apart from the pain? Does he know how difficult it is to breath when your chest is constantly on fire? It’s killing me inside every second, Hyunjin. I don’t want this, I don’t like to feel this way when I know you can’t feel anything… I don’t want to tell Chan how I feel… I… I’m broken because of you. 

Y/N.”

~

“July 13th

My sister looked at my belly and she cried… You made my sister cry, Hwang Hyunjin… You make me cry every single time of the day… I know you probably would be so sad knowing this, knowing you’re the reason I walk numbly from a place to another, the reason why Rodie can’t sleep, the reason why Chan and my sister have to take care of us. I said I don’t need their help but they insisted, they always do.

Now we’re having a beautiful dinner with your favorite food, my speciality… I miss you, and I know someday I’ll feel better, but right know I want to die slowly and painfully, it would hurt less than this mess. 

Y/N.”

~

“July 19th 

I finally stopped crying, Jinnie… but everything feels wrong. It feels… empty… my heart… 

Rodie won’t talk to me anymore after we fought, he speaks more to Chan than me. I don’t know what to do and I know you won’t answer, but… what should I do? 

Oh, we met Seungmin today, he visited us supresily. He’s kind. He told us about your stories together. After he left, I cried one more time… Listening how considerate you were with him… I love you. 

You know? This is not what I asked for. If you would ask, I would give all for rewriting an ending or two for the family that I knew, for the girl I used to be… For being yours one more time. 

Yours forever?

Y/N.”

~

“September 16th

Hi… Her name is Sam. Did you remember when we were joking about that name? I must say, she deserves that name. She looks like me, but she has your little mole below her eye and I kissed it, they same way I used to kiss yours. Congratulations, Jinnie, you have a daughter! (...)”

The music stopped playing a while ago, and the only sound filling the house was your little sobbs reminiscing the whole escenario. 

 “Ugh…  

I can’t do this anymore... “ 

~

“December 24th

Rodie wrote a letter to Santa. He asked for his dad, he asked to turn back time and stopped this, but he realized destiny is very machiavellian and sometimes, wishes won’t come true. 

By the way… Your friend Seungmin, he volunteered to take care of us, he said he owned you this for saving his life one time, he’s really generous. He saw how lonely I was and he’s trying to put a smile on my face, but only Sam and Rodie can do that. Sam, Rodie and you.

The idea of you still next to us as a family... that hunts me everyday. How beautiful would that be? Sam would climb to your back till she can see everything from your height. Rodie would make me chase him and ask for ice cream, and I’ll eventually buy ice cream for everyone… Hyunjin, I miss you so freaking much… this is just so unfair...

Yours forever,

Y/N, Rodie and Sam.”

~

“December 31st

Hyunjin, happy new year… The war is over! I miss you more than I miss the old me, now, when I look at the mirror, sometimes I don’t even know who’s the one in front of me, all I know is that my heart belongs to you and will always be yours. Sam is getting bigger every month! She started to make weird baby noises trying to repeat my voice. Also, she loves music! She moves her little body when we play music.

We all wish you were here. This is the first December without you. I can't keep asking you this because is impossible... Come home, baby.

Missing you,

Your family. "

~

“February 14th

Rodie got lots of candies from a lot of girls and boys in his class! They said he looked like his handsome father and they’re not lying, my love. Happy Valentine's Day.

This is going to be one of the last letters I’ll write for you, not because I don’t love you anymore, ok? It’s because I think it’s time to keep the good memories we made in my head, my safeplace. And writing this is a reminder of you being gone. I don't like that, you're here with me.

I took Sam and Rodie to the first place we met, the college cafeteria! Rodie hated it for a second, then he got a lot of attention and felt like the prince he is. Sam slept all the time placed in my chest, I love her… she’s so calm… I wish she knew how much her father loved her without even being born… We love you, Hyunjin.

Yours forever,

Hwang Family.” 

~

“March 20th

Happy birthday, my love! 

I know you can’t love me anymore, but you did it once and, for me, it meant the whole world. So, now. my love for you stays still as if it was the first time we said ‘I love you’... I was shaking so much that day… Thank you for loving me the way you did, thank you for giving me the opportunity to raise a family next to you. You’re gone, but you’ll always be in our hearts and minds, I’ll be sure to talk to Sam about you non-stop. 

You broke my heart by losing your life that day. I know it was for your country… that doesn’t mean you lost your family or friends, we will always remember your laugh, your face, your warmth, your cute smile, your bright eyes, the ways words came easily from your mouth, the way you showed your love so intense, the way you existed was... wholesome.

I love you, Hwang Hyunjin… And, like the old times… 

Please,

Come home.

Your one and only.”

(....)

Masterlist

[childofsolace-write-ups]

Arc 01: REUNION

::THOMAS::

"What do you think sunlight feels like?"

I look up and see Nina coming through the right hand tunnel entrance, not even saying hello first. That usually means she was deep in thought on her way here again.

"I really don't remember." I tell her, setting down the book I'd been pretending to read.

It was something about the new things they expected to be able to do with machines. I didn't really have a reason to be fond of those stupid things. It's not exactly a picnic, depending on the machines for everyday living. It'd be awfully hard to breathe underground without them, for one thing. And—insert sarcastic tone here—how on earth would ordinary people survive without fucking reading lights. Seriously, with the number of issues that needs addressing, they give us extra lighting in bunkers, of all things?

Personally, I'd rather take my chances with whatever's up there on ground level. If Trey, Kytes, and the others survived...

That's kinda the thing, though. After all these years, I have no way of knowing if they DID survive or WHAT they survived as. The atmosphere was said to do awfully strange things to ordinary people. I miss my little brother, though. And I hope Trey was doing okay, too. He was my best friend growing up after all.

"Do you?"

Nina clicks on the kitchen lamp. It's pretty cramped up in our compartment bunker, so she'd probably do fine with the little reading light I'm using but she looks at it for a moment and sighed. "It's been too long," she says. "I wonder if they even still have sunlight up there. You know, considering all that's happened."

"Oh, they probably do."

I click off the reading light. No need to be careless with the energy we had. No matter how much they wanted us to believe the machines supplied boundless electricity. I couldn't, not with the reason they sent away Kytes and Trey with a whole bunch of other orphans being the worry for lack of resources. Not with Nina working there everyday. We depended on qualified individuals now for our energy supply. As in, people. Humans, to produce energy, if that makes sense as if they were hamsters running repeatedly in wheels for a Science project. It makes me feel queasy just thinking about it. I don't know how Nina can let them. She's a lot braver than I could be, that's for sure. Maybe a lot more reckless, too. Well, Trey was her brother.

He rubbed off on her...

Then again, I haven't even seen the guy the last eight years, so how would I know that? Nina was all I really had left in memory of him and my own brother. You died younger down here than you would when people lived above when it was still up there. Both Nina's parents are gone, mine died in a fire accident years before the radiation up there first hit. My Uncle, who made it possible for me and my brother to still live here whenever they had to send out orphans, died a year after I turned thirteen. Then, in one Release before I turned thirteen, my brother opted to take Nina's place instead because she's been sick that time and she wouldn't have lasted an hour up there even with Trey's help, who had just been ten then. But I never held it against Trey or resent Nina. We knew each other even before all this, Trey was my best friend just as long as Nina was Kytes's. And I would've done the same if it had been Trey.

Although, I laugh at the idea of Kytes staying down here with him. It might be him who had to watch over the damn lummox.

Now with Nina's parents gone and my Uncle passing away, I was old enough to stand as her guardian until she turned thirteen herself next week. Not that it mattered cause she won't be moving out and I'm not kicking her out either. But on the event I died after her birthday, she wouldn't have to be sent away. So now we shared a cramped compartment on a fairly low level, which was good. The lower you are, the farther you are from the dangers of Ground level.

Level 01 had some data gathering stations for researches and old residence cells. They were Orphanages every now and then, until those who weren't adopted were sent out anyway, the cells were used for residence bunkers to the Poor class.

Level 02 to 30 had the residence cells according to social status of the Middle-class. Point blunt.

Level 31 to 35 had the commerce centers, radio stations and whatever establishments that had existed back and is possible to continue down here. There are movie halls, too, but obviously no one makes movies anymore. We watched the films that was brought down here with us during the evacuation. Before I thought it was pretty cool, now I think of how stupid it is. Of all the other important things they could have brought down, they settled for movies. Anyway, those levels are what you can consider the central city, if you can call it that since there are hardly any Skyscrapers anymore. Not that they would've fit down here, anyway.

Level 35 to 49 have residence cells for Elites and Government officials, the Councillors and the Techs with their family, if any. Since Nina is a Machine tech, we are privileged to be in Level 35.

The better people, the Councillors, get Level 37 to 49 according to importance of Office.

I don't really know what Level 50 holds, which is the lowest of the low. But some rumors I heard assumes it's a laboratory of sorts. Still, while we have it good as much as we could down here, I wonder about life in the surface.

"What makes you think so?" Nina snaps me back to reality. That perceptive brown-eyed gaze on me, a startling sense of knowing. "For all we know, it's getting worse up there. There's no way of knowing."

I snort. "No one bothers to check. Even if they did, there's no report. For all we know," I mimick her tone. "everything's back to normal, like in the Disney movie with the Garbage Robot going to outer space. We'd never know it, down here. They think we've got everything but it's all stupid..."

"Thomas," she studies me for a moment. "Are you still planning to go up there?"

"Soon."

I say the same thing everyday, but when have I ever acted on my words? I'm caught in a cycle just like every other moron in this stupid Underground settlement. And I know I'm still afraid to see how much things changed up there even as I'm dying to know at the same time.

"I want to see my brother," I continue. "How he and Trey are doing... If they're still alive, that is."

"Do you think they're still alive?" Nina asks, as if we don't talk about this everyday. Like she expects a different answer or something. It's been years and she still asks. "Well, do you?"

I can't give it to her though, "I don't know, maybe." The first few times she cried. Now, she simply nods.

"When are we going?"

I sigh at her persistence. It's not like it was easy, we can't just walk straight to the guards by the exit of the city and say, Hey we're leaving this dump so later losers! Without being questioned.

"Whenever it seems like a good time."

Naturally, I say this every time she asks. I think she's starting to think that it will never be a good time. I've begun to wonder about that myself. Actually, I want to go and see my brother. I want to go and see Nina's brother. It's tough finding a friend like him. Only Trey's been able to break down the walls I built ever since mom and dad died. He made me play soccer, even when I was never into sports. We'd go wild in the service tunnels, I break a lady's vase and we're both in trouble. Him at the Orphanage and me with my Uncle. But those were the good old days. I want to get back living above the ground, breathing for myself, instead of relying on machines to help me do it and rotting away in a metal cave some thirty feet or so below it. But thinking about something and actually doing it are two different matters.

Nina tilts her head then surprises me a bit by breaking our odd little mantra. Instead of agreeing and starting lunch, she asks a new question. "Thomas, do you think we could leave before the week is up?"

I stare at her in wonder. "Well, sure thing!" I mock-enthuse, "Let me call the guys at the Radio station to reschedule my shift this week. Oh. And have someone replace me as Head Chef for the Wedding Catering next month."

"Thomas," Nina pouts. "I'm being serious."

I'm still surprised but now also curious. "Why the sudden eagerness?"

"I met this girl in work today. Her name was Lindsay Caghan. Do you know her?"

I shake my head. I've never heard the name. But then, that doesn't mean a thing. I use my name when Live on air during Radio broadcasts so there could be a bunch of people who know me without me returning the favor.

"Well, she knows you. She knows you work at the station three days a week and as a chef during the Weekends." Now that's something. I usually stay at the kitchen so no one would guess I'm a Chef but my co-workers. I don't even have lots of friends anymore to be told about to others. Nina sinks slowly into the couch beside me. It was also my bed since I've offered the real bed to her. "I didn't say a word, Thomas. I don't know how she knows, but she does. And that's not the half of it. She knows our desire to leave."

Well, I wouldn't really call it a desire. "So?" I raise a brow. "What can she do? It's not like they'd actually care if we left. They'd be glad for the extra space."

"She doesn't want to stop us, Thomas." Nina explains, halting my instinctive string of defensive cynical arguments. "Far from it actually."

"Then what does she want?"

"You won't like it."

Oh jeez, I had to laugh at that. "There's a lot of things I don't like," I remind her. "I don't like these metal cages they call homes, I don't like those machines that use people as energy sources. And I definitely don't like how they sent our brothers and a whole group of other orphans yearly to the surface as a solution to minimizing shortages and leaving them to deal with whatever dangers the surface has to offer." I threw my arm behind her, mostly to stretch than anything else. "Now tell me, what else am I adding to this very long list?"

"All right," Nina smiles a little. "Lindsay brought up the subject in private. And she had a request for you. There's someone she wants us to take up to the surface when we go."

I stare at her for a second, wondering if she was joking. The expression on her face tells me she's not. "No way, nope. No." I say. I haven't even fully decided whether I, myself, wanted to go. I'm not all for including others. Before long, we'd have a whole army with us. "I do not like that one bit."

Nina rolls her eyes. "I expected as much." She sighs. "I'm not certain who she wants to send with us, but she seemed fairly urgent about it." She tells me, a strange look on her face. She looks like that whenever she's truly serious about something. That can't be good for me. Then there will be no refusing her.

"Urgent how?"

"Well," She hesitates. "she seemed nervous. As if what she's planning is something that could get her in trouble. I think we should at least hear her out."

"Nina," I rub my forehead. "you don't think that the person she wants us to take is herself, do you? If she's run into some kind of trouble with the law..." I don't finish that. I'm not a huge fan of the Councillors, but even I'm not cynical enough to get on their bad side so boldly enough to break the law. "you know I'd rather this doesn't turn into an escape propaganda."

Nina shakes her head, looking thoughtful. "No, I think it's bigger than that. I don't think she's doing this for her own safety. I think she's risking her safety and it's making her scared. But she really seems desperate to have us agree."

"I don't know Nina, it doesn't seem like a very good idea, including others." I hope I can make her see where I'm coming from. She's a teenager now, and I know I am too, but I expect the moodiness of a teenage girl to be something too much to handle. And if I give her a no... Well, just because Nina's never thrown a tantrum doesn't mean she couldn't start now. "we could end up with a lot of company and not all of them welcome."

"I don't think so, Thomas. The way she acted, I think this is a private problem. It was like she didn't want anyone else to know. But she seems pretty concerned. If it's illegal, it's illegal in a good way." she looks at me with bright eyes. "Know what I mean?"

I sigh. No, I really don't but what I do know is that there was no talking her out of this. "You mean some kind of Noble act? Like a Holy crusade or..."

"No, but it'd be something humane. Or she wouldn't bother," Nina retorts. "I think we should listen to her. It's probably important."

I groan, holding my hands up in surrender. "All right," I exhale, giving in, because who can function in the face of that kind of persistence?

Women complicated things. Uncle would always say. And he's right.

Nina had already made up her mind and it's futile to get her to give up. She's Trey's sister all right. "Fine. We'll talk to her. Why don't you try and get her to tell you exactly what she wants from us? I'm not making any promises until I know what we're getting into."

"Thank you, Thomas." Nina gives me a soft smile, the kind that gets just about anyone to do whatever she wants. I'm a victim of that countless of times. "I have a feeling that this is the right thing to do."

But not necessarily the smartest, I think to myself. "Great."

Nina shrugs and smothers a yawn. She's tired. But then again, she's always tired now. Working with machines is a strain. I pretend not to see the dark circles under her eyes, but I think it's wearing on her. That's just one more reason to take her away from this place. I know she's strong enough to handle it but I don't want her to have to.

"Make sure you ask the right questions." I remind her. "I don't want this Lindy girl tricking us to agreeing to more than we want. Be careful."

"It's Lindsay." Nina corrects before smiling. "And I have a better idea than that, Thomas." she says. "how would you like it if I arranged it so that you could meet her?"

"... No."

We argue again, even though I know Nina will eventually get her way nevertheless.

[x-xkingofgamesx-x]

Watched 'Pokémon: I Choose You!' recently.

This movie was just too much in so many ways.

You are warned, spoilers ahead, but this movie is from 2017 so if you haven't watched it so far then you're probably not going to.

The animation was cute. Totally. It definitely has that going for it.

Essentially, this movie is the Greatest Hits of the Indigo League first season, but in hyper drive and sans Misty and Brock, inserting instead Verity and Sorrel as his companions, and a douchebag named Cross as his rival in the place of Gary Oak.

The movie isn't entirely rehashing the first season of Indigo though. There is a plot point focusing on Ash's sighting of Ho-Oh upon leaving Pallet Town and getting the living shit kicked out of him and his reluctant sparky companion by a swarm of Spearow.

In this version, Ho-Oh gifts Ash with a Rainbow Wing, which makes him the Chosen One, meant to be the Rainbow Warrior (Ash Ketchum and Ho-Oh say Gay Rights). He is supposed to, essentially, find the source of the rainbow which is where Ho-Oh lives, and he wants to fight the gay bird.

So, we have our plot, yes?

Oh no.

This is more of a loose and vague goal at the end of the tunnel rather than a driving force for the plot.

What we do get is:

A retelling of 'Charmander- The Stray Pokémon', in which Ash finds Charmander dying in the rain after being abandoned by his trainer for being too weak.(Cross was the douchebag owner that abandoned Charmander). Instead of being taken to a PokéCenter, they just hole up in a cave and Sorrel mixes a medicine for him.

In this scene we also delve into a bit of the history of the supporting characters that we know nothing about up until this movie. This includes one of the most traumatic backstories that I've heard in Pokemon. And you get to watch a Pokemon literally freeze to death it was super fucked up.

The appearance of not one but FOUR legendary Pokémon (Ho-Oh, as well as all three Legendary beast Pokémon, Raikou, Entei, and Suicune. {The legendary beasts don't... Do any of their legendary stuff. They mostly just show up to look impressive, and not a damn thing in the plot would change if they were not there.})

Ash getting STOMPED by Cross in a fight with his now evolved Charmeleon. Cross feeds him all this vitriol about the strength of a Pokémon being more important than the bond with said Pokémon. Ash has *a moment* and gets real problematic for a few minutes, saying that his Charmeleon is weak and that Pikachu would have won that fight. When Pikachu gets upset at Ash for this, he says that he wishes he had gotten a Squirtle or Bulbasaur instead of Pikachu and Charmeleon. (I actually gasped at that. It was so mean and so out of character for Ash Ketchum.)

Pikachu runs away and Ho-Oh's magic straight up does some Ghost of Christmas Past shit to Ash and he gets thrown into a world where Pokémon do not exist and he has to learn some life lessons and find renewed appreciation for his Pokémon before he is brought back to Pokémon World.

Retelling of 'Bye Bye Butterfree!' because gotta get in at least one of the episodes that makes kids cry, yeah?

Then ah, they end up finding the mountain where Ho-Oh lives and Ash has a fight with Cross there, who thinks that HE should be the one to fight Ho-Oh. In that fight we have another Evolution, enter Charizard. Anywho, Cross steals Ash's Rainbow Wing which goes all... Evil. And OH! turns out there has been a fucked up Pokémon named Marshadow living inside Ash's shadow the whole show, who was waiting for this moment and steals the corrupted wing and turns all the Pokémon into sleeper agents.

At this point Ash is fighting all of these Pokemon and they are losing this fight pretty splendidly. So, he asks Pikachu to get into the Pokéball to keep him safe. But Pikachu hates pokeballs refuses, as one can expect. What happened at this point weirded me out a little bit if we're being perfectly honest. So Ash asks Pikachu why he won't get into the Pokéball and Pikachu responds to him. In human words. Which really freaks me out.

But Pikachu says, 'Because I always want to be with you,' which is sweet and tender and very heartwarming.

So then at this point Ash forces his little tiny electric rat into the Pokéball to keep him safe and precedes to get hit by six Hyper Beams directly in the back.

This, as you can probably guess, made Ash disintegrate entirely.

Like dead. Super super dead.

But, in true Pokemon fashion, pulling from the end scene of Pokemon: The First Movie- Mewtwo Strikes Back-- of course he doesn't stay dead very long. We end up seeing Ash in the afterlife. He hears Pikachu crying for him and ends up following his voice back into the world of the living and Pikachu's love ends up creating a new body for this kid.

Then at this point Cross learns his lesson, Ash has learned some valuable life lessons, and they are able to get the Rainbow Wing back from Marshadow. This, of course, brings in Ho-Oh who decides to oblige Ash with a Pokémon battle.

Now, this is the moment that we've all waited for right? The entire movie has been about getting this Pokémon battle with Ho-Oh. This should be a really epic battle scene that would be a really great way to end this movie right?

That is where you would be wrong, however. We get to see the first two or three moves in this battle and then it cuts out and the next scene is Ash walking a fucked up Pikachu into the Pokemon Center, and they insinuate that this was a really amazing battle but they did not actually draw out the battle for us to watch.

I know this may sound like quite a bit of plot to go into a movie.

It's a good chunk of the information from the first season of the Indigo League.

And I do want to remind you that there are 82 episodes in the first season of the Indigo League for Pokémon.

They shoved all of this nonsense into a single hour and a half of content.

By the end of this movie I was just baffled and confused and did not know how to feel about it.

Anyway there's all my thoughts about this movie and none of it really matters. Just like this movie.

[punkscowardschampions]

Buster & Rio

Buster: [Sends a selfie of him studying hard] Buster: So that's me. What are you doing? Rio: Proud of you, babe Rio: also you look cute 😍 Rio: [Selfie at whatever party she's been dragged to] Rio: Babysitting, like Buster: Well, damn, that's how fantasies start Buster: You look so good right now Rio: Yeah, I've seen the films too 😏 Rio: Is that how you've been rewarding yourself for your hard work or? Buster: I bet you have, babe Buster: And no, I haven't taken a break yet, I was saving them up for now Buster: For you Rio: You calling me a pervert? 😉 Rio: Well I'm all yours, baby Rio: How's your day been? Buster: 'Course not. You're such an innocent baby Buster: Yeah? Good Buster: 'Cause I've been so bored Rio: Jesus Rio: I can tell Rio: If this is how it gets you I might have to let you be bored more often Buster: What can I say? I've had a lot of time to think about you while my teachers were chatting the same old shit Rio: Yeah? Rio: What have you been thinking about me? Buster: Mainly all the ways you'd make learning fun for me Buster: It's a skill Rio: If only I'd stayed in School Rio: Career right there Buster: I'm not sharing you Buster: Private tuition or nothing Buster: I mean, it can be public, but still just me and you Rio: I'm fine with that Rio: You got the funds, posh boy Buster: You know it, babe Rio: I accept the position then, when do I start? Buster: You can start right now, if you want Rio: I wanna talk to you first, for a bit Rio: I've missed you Buster: I've missed you too Buster: So much Rio: I think I have good news though Buster: Tell me Rio: [Test picture] Rio: Obviously it's like Rio: really early days Buster: Oh my god Buster: When can we be sure? Buster: Like 1000% Rio: I'm getting a blood test at the Doctors, that's definite, just in case this test is giving a false positive but that's really rare, like you either are or you aren't really so Rio: We're having a baby Buster: Fuck, Rio, we did it Rio: I know Rio: I didn't know if it would happen, I mean Rio: I've not tried before obviously Rio: it's so surreal Buster: We can do anything Buster: I knew it'd work Rio: I'm glad 'cos it has and there's no going back on it now Buster: Good, I don't want to Buster: I want you and our baby Rio: I just keep rubbing my stomach like Rio: they're already in there Buster: Do you feel any different yet? Is that a stupid question? Rio: I don't think so Rio: I've not been being sick or anything yet, though that'll be coming in a month or so if it does Rio: it's just all so new it doesn't feel real but at the same time, so real and exciting Buster: By then my exams will be almost over and then I'll be back to look after you Buster: Wait, you're at a party right now? How has Indie not clocked that you aren't getting wasted alongside her? Rio: Just in time for the mood swings too, no doubt 😜 Rio: Such a good actress, obviously Rio: Never drank so many cokes in my life, hopefully she just thinks I'm doing coke in the bathroom, like Buster: Am I gonna have to buy us a bigger place so you can stay in your wing and me in mine, like? 😂 Buster: I really didn't expect to be this happy today Buster: And I really fucking love you Rio: 😂 Rio: Please, no matter how big our house gets, let's never be those people Rio: I love you so much, I've been dying to tell you all day Buster: I couldn't even, I'm so tempted to get a flight now just to see you even though I'd literally have to come straight back Buster: You should've, there's no better excuse to leave school and these cunts behind Rio: I know, I was trying to be good though, Rio: I didn't want you to get caught playing hooky when we can't tell anyone why yet Buster: I'd make something up Buster: Not a bad actor myself, hopefully Buster: You know nothing's more important than this Rio: Well, had other stuff to keep me busy Rio: Not as important, or good but Rio: Drew got sentenced today, 4 years Rio: hence I'm with Indie Buster: Shit Buster: How is she? Rio: She says good but Rio: She'll be alright, I don't know if she's grasping how long it is, or if you even can Buster: Yeah Buster: Our baby will be a kid when he gets out Rio: Shit Rio: Astrid will be too Rio: it's mental Buster: Indie and Edie'll be our age basically Rio: That's scary Rio: So much could happen in that time, he's going to miss it all Buster: It's so weird Buster: Like who knows how many kids we'll have by then Rio: See how you feeling when this one arrives Rio: You might be thinking one's enough 😏 Buster: No chance Buster: And we've been through this, one kid would be too spoiled and just Buster: odd Rio: 😂 Okay Rio: but maybe you've only just recovered enough for no.2 Buster: You reckon? Buster: I think you're speaking for yourself, babe Rio: No way Rio: I want all your babies Buster: It's okay if you only want this one, you'll be doing the hard work until they're born Rio: I don't but we'll see Rio: all the focus on this one for now Buster: Yeah Buster: Jesus, I can't believe you're sitting there with my baby inside you Rio: I know, how does it feel? Buster: I don't have words Buster: When are you going to the doctor's? I wanna be there with you Rio: You don't have to, babe, they won't do anything but the test for now Buster: Yeah but still Buster: The school don't need to know I ain't sick Buster: I can be there and back before anyone realises Rio: Are you sure? Buster: I'm so sure Buster: There's nowhere else I'd rather be Buster: So when? Rio: You're so lovely Rio: I'm booked in for Friday Buster: Okay Buster: I'll be there Buster: We're a team, baby Rio: We are Rio: We get to do this all together Buster: You know I'll do anything for you Buster: Both of you now Rio: Gonna make me cry Buster: You can Buster: It's alright Rio: Not in front all these people Rio: Hold on, I'll go somewhere more quiet Buster: I love you Rio: I love you Rio: Do you know they're like the size of a grain of sugar right now Rio: How does that turn into a  human Buster: What? Really Rio: Yeah, even at a month, it's the size of a poppy seed Rio: it's tripping me out, it's so tiny Buster: Fucking hell Rio: How do I keep something so small safe Buster: We'll do it together Buster: You look after the baby and I'll look after you Rio: Yeah, I know you will Buster: What do you need like vitamins or something? Rio: Yeah Rio: I'm making sure I eat right too, getting our dates right so we can plan all the scans and shit Rio: The due date is 14th January, by the way, I did the Maths Buster: I can get food delivered to you if you get too tired, there's no danger Indie will steal and eat it, like Buster: You're so good at maths I have no reason to doubt that Rio: You're so fucking cute Rio: You take such good care of me Buster: It's the only job I have right now Buster: I'm gonna do it properly Rio: Gotta get those results too, baby Rio: but I know you will Buster: I promise Buster: I'm gonna make you both proud of me Rio: We already are Rio: I know, we already been talking Rio: telling them all about their daddy Buster: You're gonna make me cry Buster: You're so fucking cute Rio: I've been missing you like crazy Buster: Yeah? Rio: Mhmm Rio: It's been very distracting, mostly in a good way Buster: I'm here now Buster: You don't need to miss me anymore Rio: Yeah? Buster: Yeah Buster: Anything my wife wants, she can have Rio: Still the best feeling when you call me that Buster: Wait until the kid calls you mum Buster: We're gonna be parents after Christmas, babe Rio: Fuck Rio: How and when are we telling everyone Buster: I don't wanna tell them until we have to Rio: Fair Rio: Hopefully I won't get massive but Rio: who knows Buster: We could have twins Buster: There's no hiding that Rio: Oh Rio: Why didn't I even consider that Buster: 'Cause it's kind of a scary thought, like Rio: One we gotta have though Rio: When can you find out Buster: It depends Buster: Sometimes the heartbeats are so alike you don't realise Rio: 😏 Freaks Buster: Usually they work it out at the dating scan though Rio: That's okay then Rio: we'll call it it 'til then Buster: Do you want a boy or a girl? Buster: Assuming you don't get both Rio: Hmm Rio: I don't know Rio: either way it's going to be so perfect and so loved Buster: Yeah Rio: My friends with kids have all got girls though Rio: Maybe a baby boy Buster: I wouldn't be mad about it Rio: Gotta have your heir right Buster: 'Course Rio: Can't promise a 50/50 split like my Ma managed Rio: Pure skill that is Buster: I don't care if we have 11 boys or 11 girls Buster: Thinking of names might get difficult eventually though Rio: We haven't even started on the names Buster: All I know is I'm not naming any of them after me Buster: Posh cunts are always doing that Rio: Honestly Rio: There's only one you anyway, babe Rio: don't wanna give the kid a complex Buster: They deserve their own fucking name, like Buster: Not an amateur Rio: They can't have a boring name Rio: Neither of us having boring names Buster: Who in this whole family does actually? Buster: Not like we've got an uncle Bob Rio: 😂 Buster: But yeah you're right Buster: No half measures Rio: Go hard or go home baby Buster: Obviously Buster was timed out 11 hours ago Buster joined the chat 11 hours ago Buster: But coming home to you gets me hard so what can I do? Rio: I wish you were here right now Buster: Me too Buster: I just keep looking at that pic of you Buster: Amongst others, like Rio: You want some more? Buster: Always Rio: Hold on then Rio: Not tryna flash some pre-teens Buster: 😂 Buster: What kinda party is this, babe? Rio: Not that kind, soz lads Rio: Indie said I can't hang tho so Buster: So much to prove, yeah? Buster: You're a cool mum Rio: 😒 Hush Buster: But you are Buster: She just don't know it yet Rio: Seriously, it's harder to keep it secret than you'd think Rio: I told her I was on antibiotics and she was like...and? 🙄😏 Buster: If you need to tell her it's okay Buster: Like yeah we have an en suite but she still lives with us Rio: I'll tell her when we hit 12 weeks Rio: you know Rio: most don't before then Rio: I can do it Buster: Yeah but Buster: Nothing bad's gonna happen, like Buster: It's just not Rio: Yeah, of course Rio: That's all you can hope and pray for Buster: I'll do whatever I have to for you both to be safe, you know Buster: Even go to church if that's what it takes Rio: I know baby Rio: Me too Buster: You're gonna be the best mum Buster: You're the best wife already Rio: As good as I can be from a distance, like Buster: The best, end of Buster: You're keeping me going right now, babe Rio: Okay, we're both the best Rio: I can't wait for all this shit to be done, then we don't have to be apart Rio: ever again Buster: It'll go by so fast, I promise Buster: I'm gonna come back for weekends when I can Rio: Do what you gotta do baby Rio: I can be as here or as chill as you need Buster: Thank fuck your appointment is Friday so I can just stay Buster: Nobody will even bat an eyelid, like Rio: Let's just stay in bed the whole time Rio: Please Buster: 'Course baby Buster: That's all I want Rio: I'm gonna give you exactly what you need, don't you worry Buster: I'll give you anything and everything Buster: Hold me to it Rio: I just want you Buster: You've got me Buster: Whenever Rio: Good Rio: 'cos I need you so bad Rio: hate for you to not keep up, babe 😏 Buster: When haven't I? Buster: Come on Rio: 😋 Just a little encouragement Buster: Oh? Is that how you wanna play tonight Buster: Alright Rio: Maybe Rio: What you gonna do about it? Buster: Maybe I'll stop being so nice Rio: Yeah? Buster: Yeah Rio: Maybe I'll remember to pretend to not enjoy it Buster: You reckon? Buster: I'm not sure you're that good of an actress, babe Rio: 😱 Rio: Literally the rudest thing you've ever said to me Rio: Know we're not playing nice but damn Buster: Poor baby Buster: I only meant that I'm gonna make it impossible for you to pretend anything Rio: 🤤 Rio: Not gonna start faking it now Buster: You can't Buster: It goes against the vows Buster: And I'd know so there's no way I'm letting that happen Rio: You're right I can't Rio: You're incapable of being bad at it Buster: Yeah I am Buster: I want you too much Buster: And I need you to keep wanting me back Rio: I'm never gonna not Rio: You're the best, Buster Rio: that's why I'm keeping you Buster: I miss you Buster: I swear it gets worse every time Rio: It does Rio: At least we don't have to pretend we don't miss each other now Rio: not that that'll earn you much slack, like Buster: Which is typical 'cause exam time is the perfect excuse to be a moody, stressed cunt Rio: I bet Rio: I don't think your sister and Junie have seen sunlight Buster: I'm not surprised Buster: Nance has never thrived under pressure like I do Buster: Stick your head in some time and make sure she ain't having a breakdown, yeah? Rio: Alright, since you asked nicely Rio: I've been avoiding them best I can Buster: You're such a good girl Rio: Yours Buster: Mine Rio: You're hot Buster: For you, yeah Rio: I can't stop thinking about when you got me pregnant, well, when I think you did Rio: at the party Buster: Me either Buster: Let's hope your parents don't host anything too soon 'cause I'm having enough flashbacks as is Buster: I mean it, let's conceive all our kids like that Rio: There's basically a birthday every other week with this fam 😏 Rio: Never gonna complain again if we get to fuck like that though Buster: I'm already studying in my sister's room 'cause it's one of the only places here that we haven't fucked Buster: Now I gotta start avoiding half your house as well Buster: But at least it's only while you aren't here Rio: Oh okay, I'll keep it PG then 😇 Buster: Shut up Buster: You won't and I don't want you to Rio: Well if I'm gonna fuck you you better get back to your room boy Buster: You know I'm on my break Buster: I'm not just hanging in there draped in a rainbow flag or whatever Rio: Oh babe Rio: that's not a turn-on 😂 Buster: Exactly Buster: That's why I'm in the kitchen Buster: Getting a drink and annoying you Rio: Good Rio: Sober parties are awful Rio: You're gonna have to be so entertaining for the next 9 months Buster: Don't worry it's just water for solidarity Buster: The least I can do Rio: Baby! Rio: How are you so nice Buster: I'd be a prick to get drunk when you can't Buster: Like I said, we're a team Rio: You so can Rio: I'm not gonna be that bitch Rio: but I love you Buster: No Buster: I'm serious Rio: You're so Rio: How do people not see you like I do Buster: I don't love them like I love you Rio: I feel blessed, no hashtag needed to make it seem less genuine Rio: I mean it Buster: It's the same for me Buster: And now I get to be a dad too Buster: Actually speechless Rio: Seriously Rio: This kid is so lucky Buster: I can't wait to meet them Rio: Me either Rio: What are they going to be like Buster: They've got us for parents so Buster: Perfect obviously Rio: I can't believe we get to do this Buster: I can't believe we've got to do any of this since we first got together, honestly Buster: That I get to feel like this all the time Rio: Well we weren't meant to but Rio: give a shit then Rio: less now Buster: What did I do to deserve you 'cause I know that first kiss wasn't it Rio: I told you, you got really fucking hot Buster: Yeah? Rio: It was indecent Rio: No one's good looking at that age, fucking hell Buster: You were Rio: You think? Buster: I know Buster: I thought about you almost as much then as I do now Rio: I like thinking about that Buster: Shame I can't go back in time and tell my younger self what's gonna happen Buster: I wanted you so much Rio: I don't know if little you would survive Buster: Would definitely think I was full of shit and try and fight me Rio: Probably win Rio: he was very angry Buster: Yeah Buster: I better teach our kid how to fight in case they take after me Rio: We won't let him feel as bad as we've felt Buster: I'd die first Buster: I mean that Rio: I know baby Rio: that's why you're the best dad Buster: I'm gonna have to get used to you saying that Buster: Still getting my head around being your husband Rio: I know Rio: It gets me too Buster: I'm blushing right now Buster: [Sends photographic proof] Rio: 😩 Rio: Fuck me Rio: you're so angelic Buster: Say please first Rio: I'm begging, baby Buster: Call me Buster: I wanna hear that Rio: [Calls 'cos highkey] Buster: Jesus Buster: I think you made me lose my voice Rio: Good think you've not got any oral exams, yeah? Buster: Imagine my excuse note Buster: Like mum can you just Rio: 😏 Rio: I'll pretend to be your Ma, babe 😂 Buster: Fuck Buster: Don't make it hot Rio: You can call me mamãe and mean it baby Rio: Don't have to leave the Portuguese lessons in Brazil Buster: You're killing me right now Buster: Teach me, babe Rio: You're a fast learner, baby Rio: You've got all summer to get your tongue around it Buster: Yeah Buster: I'm gonna impress you Buster: You'll see Rio: muito gostoso Rio: that's you Buster: It's all you, baby Rio: Okay, but make it gotosa or it's getting gay and offensive to me up in here Buster: 😂 Rio: The queue for this bathroom Rio: Whoops Rio: Sorry everyone Buster: Forget them Buster: I'm not sorry Rio: Easy Rio: I'm still thinking about you Buster: I can't stop Buster: Ever Rio: Yeah, you're pretty special but save some time for me Buster: Shut up Buster: You know what I mean Rio: 😋 Rio: Make me Buster: Can you come back with me on Sunday or do you need to stay there? Rio: I don't know Rio: I probably shouldn't Rio: I know Indie is hurting Buster: Yeah Buster: I'm being selfish Buster: Forget it Rio: You aren't Rio: I want to come too Rio: and I don't really know how I'm meant to help her but Rio: we'll make the most of it Buster: You're right Buster: You always are Rio: She misses you too, by the way Buster: I'm sure the car softens the blow though Rio: I've had to be so strict or she'll have it apart before I know it Buster: She better not Buster: I'll be actually strict Rio: Daddy Rio: That's just for me Buster: Oh, are you jealous, baby? Rio: Yes. Buster: You're so hot Rio: What's a girl gotta do to get punished, honestly Buster: What can I say? You're such an angel Rio: Then do what I want Buster: If only 'cause I love it when you talk like that Buster: Okay Rio: I miss your marks Buster: I know you do Buster: Do some for me Buster: Make them last until I get there Rio: Where do you want them? Buster: Surprise me Buster: I wanna just find them Rio: You're full of good ideas Buster: You inspire me, babe Rio: I can't wait 'til I get a belly Rio: it's so sexy, don't you think Buster: Don't, you're gonna turn me on all over again Rio: Sorry Rio: being pregnant turns me on, it's your fault Buster: It's as much your fault Rio: Is that how you remember it? 😉 Buster: I've thought about it enough times, like Buster: And now I am again so Rio: Me too Rio: How they didn't hear me Rio: Fuck Buster: Or me Rio: Flashbacks so vivid I can feel it Buster: Christ Buster: You need to be here now Rio: Where would we do it first if I was Buster: Against the front door if that's where you're coming in Rio: Hope we're alone then Buster: I don't care if we aren't Rio: Find it hard to care about anything when you're inside me Buster: Good Buster: Or else I'd have to work harder Rio: No one works harder than my baby, trust Buster: It's for you Rio: And you know all of me is yours forever Buster: Is it fucked if I want you to touch yourself in the middle of this party considering how young they are? 'Cause I do Rio: No more fucked than how much I want to now you've said it Buster: Go on then Buster: Think about me and our party Rio: You were so hard under me Buster: I am now Rio: If I was sat in your lap right now, I'd be rubbing myself on you so hard, you'd feel exactly how wet I was Buster: If you were sat on my lap right now I'd make sure everyone knew exactly how bad you wanted me Buster: You'd be making every sound I like Rio: I don't even have to say a word Rio: Everyone knows I'm your little slut and that I'd do anything for you, you can see it when I look at you Buster: You're the only person who's ever turned me on with just a look Buster: The way you do it Buster: Fuck Rio: I just want you that bad Rio: It's always been obvious Buster: I need you that bad too Buster: It's as obvious here and now as it's ever been Rio: Are you touching yourself too, Daddy? Buster: [Sends pics] Buster: See for yourself Rio: Jesus Rio: That girl definitely just heard me Buster: She better have appreciated it Rio: My moans or your pics? Rio: 'Cos she ain't seeing 'em Buster: How good you sound Rio: I was too embarrassed to check Rio: and distracted by how good you look and how bad I want Rio: Actually drooling, like, Jesus boy, the things you do to me Buster: Don't ever be embarrassed by how fucking hot you are Buster: It's not even big yet and I still wanna cum all over your stomach Rio: That's just Rio: the hottest thing you've ever said Rio: Please Buster: It's true Rio: I wanna lick it up and kiss you deep so you can taste yourself Buster: I feel like the neighbours just heard me then so we're even Buster: Kinda Rio: You should shoot your cum in your own mouth tonight Rio: I promise you'll like it Rio: I do Buster: I'll record it for you Buster: We can find out my reaction together Rio: Good boy Rio: I've taught you well Buster: Say that again Rio: You're my good boy Buster: That's really getting to me Rio: You're making Mamãe very happy, baby Buster: Oh my god Buster: Rio, you're just Rio: I know Rio: Every fucked up thing you've ever thought Rio: You get to do with me, I want to Buster: 'Cause you're perfect Buster: You get me Buster: Better than anyone else ever has or would Rio: We were made for each other Rio: I believe that Buster: Me too Rio: I feel most like me when I'm with you Rio: and especially when it's just us Buster: I feel the exact same Buster: I swear Rio: I know Rio: You've never judged me for Rio: Anything Buster: I never will, baby Rio: and I'll never judge you, you can tell me anything and everything, you should Buster: We both have to Rio: I promise Buster: I promise Buster: Forever Rio: Now I'm just thinking about the honeymoon sex too Buster: I'm not sorry that you are Rio: I think all of Rio knew how happy I was to be your wife by the end of the trip Buster: Good Buster: We have to go back Buster: Not only so you get to be basically naked again Buster: But for the baby too Rio: I'm looking at our pictures now, we look really fucking good, like, we just do Rio: but of course Rio: we can have a place there if we get rich enough Buster: You always look good, but that fucking tan, Jesus Christ Buster: We can have places anywhere, everywhere, I'll make it happen Rio: I'm gonna post a throwback now Rio: so you can shamelessly perv on that Buster: You just wanna make me moan louder Rio: You will when you remember what happened directly after this photo Buster: Oh Rio: Oh? Buster: I should've known you were gonna post that one Buster: Damn Rio: I mean Rio: I was asking to be fucked on that beach, really Rio: Nothing subtle about it Buster: Not that you ever need to ask Buster: But yeah it was in your eyes, babe Rio: You looked so good that day, especially good Rio: I remember, you'd already been for a swim before I woke up and your hair was all wet and especially curly and you were just dripping holy shit Buster: Next time I fuck you on that beach I'm putting our second baby in you Rio: I need that Rio: It should be like, next level good, every time we make a baby Buster: It will be Buster: I don't think I've ever been as turned on as when we were at that party Buster: Just knowing we were creating our baby then Rio: It elevated it so much Rio: not to mention just fucking doing it there and then 'cos we wanted to Rio: I literally would not have stopped for anything or anyone Buster: Me either Buster: I couldn't Rio: You like the danger too, I've always known Rio: You didn't care about getting caught, all the stupid things we did as kids Rio: it was always so exciting when you were around Buster: I did it for you as much as me, back then even Buster: I didn't want you to forget about me Buster: So there was that purely selfish motive as well but Rio: Baby, I'd never forget you Buster: Mostly I just wanted us to have fun, you know Rio: And we did Buster: Shit was always so serious around us Rio: Yeah Rio: It was good to escape it all, for however long we were allowed Rio: you've always given me that Rio: I missed it, when we didn't see each other Buster: Me too Buster: I can't remember a time when I didn't miss you whenever I look back Buster: It's like how shit's measured, were we together or not Rio: I feel it too Rio: I tried to say it was bullshit and you know, get on with shit, other boys and stuff but Rio: I don't know Rio: something was always missing Rio: you Buster: Yeah Buster: I forgot myself when I tried to forget about you and just push it all away Buster: I think I thought if I was a different person then you wouldn't want me and I wouldn't want you Rio: Yeah Rio: I'm sorry you had to do that, ever Rio: I know I didn't make you and I did the same kind of thing but it still makes me sad Rio: we thought we were doing the right thing at the time Buster: It's alright, we're doing the right thing now Buster: Finally Buster: And I'm so happy Buster: More than I ever reckoned I would or could be, like Rio: Good Rio: Me too Rio: I finally feel like I'm on the right path again Buster: Plus, I did learn plenty of shit from all those girls who weren't you Rio: Not untrue Rio: even if I hate them all irrationally for it but you know Buster: I love how possessive you get of me Rio: I can't help it Rio: I'm just so yours that the idea of you not being mine Buster: It's the hottest thing Buster: That you're all mine and how much you wanna be Rio: Don't need the collar to own me Rio: It's always Rio: that's why I let you ink me Buster: I saw mine at school earlier and it was so distracting 'cause I was already thinking about you Rio: It's so good Rio: I bet your School would throw a shitfit if they saw, even though you're 18 and literally about to leave Buster: Yeah Buster: Some of the professors try and tell you how to have your hair still Rio: So medieval Rio: if it weren't for the leg-up you'll get and the fantasies I do, honestly, what a waste of time Buster: Literally, this girl's blonde went a slightly green somehow, fuck knows, and they sent her home Buster: Such a scandal Rio: As if a bad dye-job isn't shaming enough Rio: Ridiculous, though lucky she's there at all, only 'cos the feminists forced 'em, like Buster: Honestly Buster: But at least half of the school are the kind of posh cunts that think tattoos are only for poor people so Rio: Be low-class with me, babe Buster: You know it Buster: I had to delete so many comments off my insta post, like Buster: Shut the fuck up Rio: I can imagine Rio: The ones I didn't catch, anyway Rio: Least you can cleanse your socials with fire when you leave Buster: Sorry my parents have more money than you and I'm gonna get better grades than you but my Grandparents would be classed as scum by you Buster: Ridiculous Rio: Sound like a deluded Ma tryna make you feel better but it literally is jealousy though Rio: soz you also have a chin 'cos you ain't inbred tory as fuck, like, that's the life you been dealt, the privilege'll ease the pain of being ugly Buster: 😂 My wife's smarter than all of you and she doesn't even go here, who do you lot reckon you are Rio: 😏 Rio: Fuck the lot of 'em Buster: I'm so ready to leave Buster: Actually can't wait Rio: Seriously Rio: Uni will be so much better Buster: Especially 'cause I ain't going to Havard Rio: Yeah Rio: odds on Trinity has some decent people Rio: not all 🤓 like you Buster: I'll take fewer posh cunts Buster: You're the only nerd I'm paying attention to, like Rio: Sweet talker Rio: and a lot of 'em will be Irish so really, how posh can they be? 🤷 Buster: 'Bout as posh as you, I'd reckon Buster: Am I gonna have to learn that as well as Portuguese? Rio: Rude Rio: but true, probably Posher if they ain't from the 24, like Rio: nah, no one actually speaks it properly Buster: I love you Buster: And it's a compliment Rio: Hmm Rio: Alright Buster: Believe me Rio: You're cute Buster: So believe me Rio: I believe you meant it as one, babe Rio: Don't worry Buster: Now tell me you love me too Rio: I love you Rio: You fool Rio: I hope you don't lose your accent Buster: Unlikely since I haven't yet and I ain't lived in Cambs for ages Rio: Yeah but you only got posher with the move Buster: Shh Rio: It's hot Rio: like a disney villain Buster: 😂 Buster: Is that a fantasy from the list? Buster: Which princess do you wanna be in the roleplay? Rio: Hmm Rio: The list of brown princesses is so lacklustre Buster: You're such a good actress yeah? Create your own Rio: Or I'll just be that one you liked when you was a kid Buster: You know I didn't watch any of that shit Rio: 😏 Okay babe Buster: Come on Rio: I'm sure you only watched it 'cos Nance wanted to Rio: it's okay Buster: Lusting after the fairy godmother, like Buster: Let's not Rio: Stop 😂 Buster: The evil stepmother probably really got her going Rio: Poor Nance Buster: Let's chance the subject immediately Buster: g* Rio: What do you wanna talk about? Buster: You Rio: Oh sure, my favourite subject, like Buster: Mine too Buster: So tell me something Rio: Can you be a little more specific Buster: I haven't been gone long, but what have I missed? Buster: Give me the highlights babe Rio: Okay, lemme think Buster: While you I'm just gonna say it Buster: Not a princess, but Tinkerbell had that possessive vibe going on, and you know I like that Buster: Okay Rio: Oh Rio: That works on so many levels, Wendy was such a posh bitch Buster: Yeah exactly Buster: Sorry, carry on, I just had to get that off my chest, like Rio: I mean, very distracting thought but we'll come back to it Rio: just taking endless pregnancy tests, keeping Indie busy but outta trouble Rio: shooting, the usual really Buster: You're telling me, it ain't my fault you're so small you're actually fairy sized but you know Buster: How many tests have you done? Rio: I bought 10 Rio: I knew it had to be at least a week after so I had to wait but I did waste a couple 'cos I couldn't Buster: Babe Buster: You're so cute Buster: None of them were negative, right? Rio: I wanted to be sure Rio: yeah, they were all positive Buster: It's okay, I'm excited too Rio: I'm really excited Buster: I can't stop smiling, look Buster: [Sends selfie] Rio: Baby Rio: Your smile is my favourite thing to see Buster: Well, good 'cause I mean it so you're gonna see loads more of it for the next 9 months Rio: You're precious Rio: Nothing but good news from here on out, yeah? Buster: Yeah Buster: Everything's gonna work out perfectly for us, baby Rio: It is Rio: us and our baby Buster: We need to give it a nickname until we can actually name it Buster: It sounds weird calling it that, it Rio: Yeah Rio: Hmm Rio: You're better at nicknames than me Buster: I'm thinking Rio: What about anjinho Rio: if I teach you to say it Buster: If that means what I think it does then yes Rio: Yeah Rio: Little 👼 Buster: We have to, 'cause it's yours and gonna be just like you Rio: and yours and you Buster: You're gonna make me cry, I was smiling a second ago Buster: I'm not supposed to be the hormonal one Rio: It would be just like you to have an empathy pregnancy Rio: drama queen 😏 Buster: Fuck off Buster: I'm never dramatic Rio: Literally a dramatic response Buster: 😂 Buster: Fine, sometimes, I'm slightly dramatic Rio: It's alright, I like it about you Rio: can't be the only extra one, like Buster: Oh fuck, it's genetic Buster: Our poor baby Rio: No hope 😂 Buster: Shh Buster: Maybe it'll skip a generation Rio: It'll have a big enough ego to deal with it if not Buster: Yeah Rio: Don't worry Rio: whatever they are, we're gonna love them, yeah? Buster: 'Course Buster: I already do Rio: Me too Buster: What's next after the blood test? Rio: They'll hopefully tell us but I know you have like, at least 10 checkups with your first Rio: scan at 12 weeks Rio: Can find out about the classes and shit when you're here permanently Buster: Yeah that's when they'll hopefully figure out if its twins or not Buster: I'm gonna have to do all the classes Rio: I know you do screenings at roughly 10 to make sure everything is okay so Rio: it won't be long to wait Buster: Do you think we should plan a party or some shit so we can just tell everyone all at once? Rio: Could do, could make it easier Rio: or like, literal hell will break loose Buster: Option 2 sounds well more likely Buster: Maybe we should just tell our parents first and let them do the honors? Rio: I'm assuming my mother's intuition will kick in and she'll be in the know Rio: Probably amazed I got to this age without any, like Buster: I'll let her tell mine for me then 'cause she's gonna kill me Rio: Yeah Rio: Gonna hope she won't fight a pregnant lady Rio: wait 'til the kid is out, tah Buster: You'll be fine Buster: I was the one who told her not long ago that kids were in the way future Rio: Shit Rio: I mean Rio: it's too late now Buster: Yeah, but she's gonna think I lied Rio: I wish you'd had this angst earlier Buster: It's not Buster: Don't Rio: Well, she's gonna have to get used to it Rio: I can't do anything about it now, I won't Buster: Baby, don't get upset Buster: I'm sorry Rio: It's okay, I just can't start stressing about what everyone is gonna say and think Rio: if I make that my priority instead of the baby I'm gonna be miserable and do a shit job taking care of it Buster: Forget I said anything, okay Rio: I'm not trying to be unhelpful to you Rio: but I can't, not yet Rio: no one needs to know, it doesn't need to be ruined Buster: It won't be ruined anyway Buster: I won't let it Buster: What I care about most is you and the baby, it always will be Buster: Whatever anyone says and thinks Buster: It's us that matters Rio: Good Rio: I know that baby, I promise Buster: I love you more than anything Buster: And I want this baby more than anything Buster: Don't forget that Rio: I won't Rio: I love you too, Buster Buster: And don't worry Buster: I can handle my mum, or anything else Buster: You don't need to Rio: I'm gonna be there for you though Buster: Priorities, babe Buster: You have to grow this kid for us Rio: You're still my priority too Rio: Always will be Buster: I know but I'll be fine Buster: Look after him for me, 'cause he needs it more Buster: And yeah, I've decided I want a boy too, sue me babe Rio: Okay baby Rio: I'll look after your son Buster: Why is it so hot when you say it? Buster: Fucking hell Rio: Gonna have to get used to it before he's old enough to be embarrassed by our antics, babe Buster: Help me. Say it again Rio: I just can't wait 'til your son gets bigger and starts kicking and moving around Rio: imagine now excited you're gonna be then, babe Buster: Shit Buster: I never even thought about that Buster: I'll be able to feel him too Rio: Yeah babe Rio: You might even see him, which is admittedly, a bit freaky Rio: but kinda cool too Rio: Gus was always booting ma that hard, it was a madness Buster: Oh my god Buster: That's gonna hurt though, yeah? Rio: I don't think it's much in comparison to the main event so you know Rio: you probably killed your ma Buster: I'm trying not to think about that Buster: And yeah, we made her so sick as well Buster: Sorry mum Buster: I reckon you'll know if we're having twins way before they tell you Rio: Least if I am she can just be all knowing and evil about my suffering, like Rio: might calm her Buster: True Rio: Not saying that's point no. 1 but you know Buster: Do you really think your mum will figure it out? Rio: Yeah Rio: Maybe not yet but idk Rio: she's got a nose for that shit, seen it enough times, I guess Buster: Weird Rio: 😂 Rio: When I start vomming all the time but refusing a drink, it won't take a genius, like Buster: I know Buster: I just Rio: What? Buster: I don't wanna share this with them all Rio: Yeah Rio: I get it Rio: I don't think she'll make an announcement for me Rio: it's still our thing Buster: I'm being unfair, aren't I? Rio: No Rio: just cute Buster: You're just being nice Rio: I am not Rio: such a 😈 you'll see Buster: Yeah? Buster: What are you gonna do? Rio: I said you'll see Rio: patience, baby boy Buster: Those are stalling tactics Buster: I knew you were too much of a 😇 Rio: 😖 Rio: Don't Rio: First Indie calls me uncool, now you, so rude Buster: I'm not calling you uncool, I'm calling you a good girl Buster: And I'm motivating you, babe Rio: Hmm Buster: You know it's working Buster: Don't act like you're not even more determined to be bad now Rio: You're not always right, you know 😒 Buster: I'm not trying to come for your title Buster: I'm just right about this Buster: Prove me wrong about how good you are baby, I know you want to Rio: I will Rio: answer your phone