#why do we need to be the same in every universe for our bond here to matter

[snzical]

nobody im dating could ever ask me if they think we’re in love in every universe im a stem major AND a pedant im going to say no and it will turn into a fight

[ladyaes]

I need the Diaz family accepting Buck as Eddie’s boyfriend before Eddie even admits to himself that he wants Buck as his boyfriend.

I can’t get this Buddie fanfic idea out of my head, but since I know I’m never actually gonna write it, I figured I’d just share it here. Basically, it’d be the entire Diaz family going through this big, dramatic internal struggle to accept Eddie dating a guy (Buck) and blessing their relationship—all while Eddie and Buck have no idea any of this is happening. The plot could play out during Christopher’s birthday. In my idea, Eddie goes to El Paso for Chris’s birthday and brings Buck along. Because of the way they act around each other—and the fact that Eddie’s family probably has their suspicions about him not being straight (let’s be real, Latin families are very close and have a radar for this stuff)—the Diaz family assumes they’re a couple. And from there, the whole internal and external struggle begins within the family, with Eddie and Buck completely clueless.

First off, I wanna say I’m Latina, and 100% of this idea comes from my own life experiences within my culture. Obviously, Latin culture isn’t just one thing since it covers so many countries and subcultures, but there are some things that are basically universal.

Why do I think Eddie’s family would accept Buck? Because the only other person he introduced to the family was this white American woman they obviously couldn’t stand, and, ironically, Buck checks all the boxes of the “perfect wife” in the eyes of Latin moms, grandmas, and aunts and the “perfect husband” in the eyes of Latin dads, grandpas, and uncles.

Unfortunately, in our cultural context, traditional gender roles are still really strong for older generations, and even those who are more progressive tend to put these roles onto same-sex couples because they can’t quite picture a relationship without a “man” and a “woman” role.

So, I imagine Eddie’s whole family would evaluate Buck the same way they’d evaluate a girlfriend or boyfriend.

Important qualities for a good first impression as a Latina girlfriend:

Helpful: when the family gets together, it usually involves a ton of food, and that’s the women’s responsibility (I know, I know °_°). If a girl is introduced to the family and doesn’t help in the kitchen, she’s automatically seen as lazy, and if she tries to help but can’t do the basics, she’s seen as useless.

And we know Buck can cook pretty well.

Loud and talkative: I know that for Americans, people who are loud and super expressive might come off as rude, but for us, it’s normal. So if you’ve just been introduced to the family and stay too quiet, it might make a bit of a bad impression.

Buck’s expressive enough to fit right into a Latin household.

He’s involved, kind, takes amazing care of Chris, is superstitious, smart, and attractive. All he’s missing is being Catholic and female to be the dream daughter-in-law for every Latin mom.

And from the men’s perspective, he’s perfect too.

He’s got a stable, good-paying job, he’s strong, knows about repairs and construction, and he’s got that friendly, open vibe that makes it easy to bond. Plus, he’s a firefighter with loads of heroic stories. That alone would put him on a pedestal as the dream son-in-law.

I can just picture Buck spending hours setting up tents and tables, chatting with the men about firefighter stories, and then spending hours with the women, helping in the kitchen, talking to them, and listening to their stories.

By the end of the visit, after lots of private discussions, the Diaz family would welcome Buck into the family, and he wouldn’t even realize it. Since there’s still that ingrained prejudice, it’d be more like a blessing in disguise. Buck would get home exhausted, happy, and with a recipe to cleanse bad energy from his apartment (coarse salt).

When they finally do get together, it takes Eddie months to work up the courage to tell his family. But when he finally does, they’re so confused (since they thought the two had already been together for at least a year) that they end up thinking the news Eddie’s so nervous to share is actually that he proposed to Buck.

[janaknandini-singh999]

After Krishna left for Dwarka, Radha used to keep herself a lot busier than usual; doing her chores back in Vrindavan, talking to the trees finding Krishna in everything, taking care of the people and animals. At night she would go to her room and sit in front of the mirror, sigh and take out her shringaar. Tonight, as soon as she looked into her reflection, it was her Kanha smiling at her.

"How's Dwarka dheesh doing?" she carefully kept her tone as teasing, afraid that if he suspects even a little bit of sadness then he will come running to her right away, leaving everything behind

"Oh please, Radhe. You should come sometime, you used to before but you barely do now."

Radha cupped Kanha's cheek in the mirror

"My sweet mohana, you know I can't. It's my duty to give you and your ashtabharya all the space and love," laughing, she added a little wistfully "As it is I don't really have a good reputation out here. Krishna's lover. But why? Krishna has millions of lovers. The whole brahmaand is his lover. Why worship one exclusively with him? If he loves all his lovers equally then why just worship this Radha with him? She isn't even his wife. Unlike Mahadev and Parvati, they aren't even legitima-"

"Radhe." Krishna stopped her with tears in his eyes

Radha, hurting as much as him, apologized and continued "but it is true, my love. People only view love as black or white. They think marriage is sanctity when it is the bond that is. Not the label."

Nodding, Krishna whispered "do you miss me?"

She laughed till there were tears in her eyes too "Oh Kanha, you are everywhere I look. Every time I breathe."

"Then why talk to me like this? Why summon me here?"

"Because you are everywhere. Everywhere but right here."

Kanha's eyes softened "I am within you, sakhi. Always."

Nodding and smiling, she looked away to wipe her tears "yes yes, I know that." she looked back in Kanha's eyes "only if I could somehow tell that to Yashoda maiya, Nand baba and all the gopiyan and people here. Maiya is inconsolable, kanha. She cries and says 'that boy always tricks me. I saw the universe in his mouth when he was a child. Now wherever I look, I see him. But I just want him to come steal my makhan. Kanha, where are you? I promise I'll never scold you.'

Krishna touches the mirror ever so gently

"Kanha, they think you are not real when you are everywhere. They think it's an illusion and all they do is weep."

"But they forgot that Maya is Krishna and Mohana is Krishna. Everything that involves krishna is as real as the morpankh falling from the sky quietly into their palms when they think of Him." Radha and krishna whisper at the same time

"Tomorrow the Pandavas and Kauravas fight and I'm Arjuna's saarthi. After killing Kansa mama, the trajectory of my life has changed completely. But I miss Vrindavan, Kishori. I honestly don't even know what to do. They call me God but forget I'm a human in this avatar too. All I can feel is Gandhari's pain. Even if she hates me with everything she has and cursed me for my existence but I just can't help but feel for her so deeply. What can I do?" he sobs

"What Kauravas did was wrong but Gandhari is a mother, kanha. Her pain can't be measured. It is unbearable but justified. But so is your karma and dharma. Whatever you do will be remembered forever. They all need you. So go, sakha. Do what needs to be done. I believe in you. I love you. We all do."

Krishna smiled through the tears

Radha whispered "we parted physically to fulfill our dharma in this lifetime but you know? I.. I'm just so tired, Kanha. It's been so long. I just want to go home. To Goloka. Our home. I feel my purpose here is coming to an end..."

"So is mine, Radhe.. so is mine. We are One." Kanha clutched the mirror closer to his chest and Radha did too - both of them in an eternal embrace.

"We will go home very soon. To everyone we love, finally. It's my vachan, sakhi."

[rat-rambles]

Billford AU time doomed soulmates with a twist.

The rest is context / short fic thing.

“Hi Bill, please take a seat.” 

Bill politely went to the couch. 

“What’s up doc?”

“Cute, now do you have anything you'd like to talk about today?”

Bill scoffed,

“Yeah, how about how this is a complete waste of time!”

“It's not a waste, don't you want to get out of here?”

“Yeah as myself not as some insect or insignificant pest. Tell me doc, why would I have spent countless lifetimes getting myself to the 4th dimension only to go back willingly?”

“Technically we can’t be sure where you'd end up, your soul would travel to where it feels it's needed.” 

“And how does that end in a mayfly?”

“Well normally such small lives are stepping stones on a healing journey; you'd make it back to sentient life in time. You know I'm not supposed to share all this with patients but,... oh that's interesting.” 

The doc looked surprised at their notes.

“what? What is it if you tell me I'm gonna be a Dorito I'll-!” 

“ I didn't know you had a soul mate.”

That stopped Bill in his tracks.  

“What.. what do you mean I have a soulmate .. soulmates aren't real?”

“Well not everyone has them and they don't meet in every lifetime but in the primordial nebulas your soul had bonded with another. It's like 2 atoms drawn together even if across the universe. You would have been together by now for sure if you had lived our your expected life span.”

“What do you mean been together? Who is it?” 

“They now go by, oh yes, Stanford Pines, yes you've mentioned him.” 

“Stanford can NOT be my soulmate, you're just trying to pry some feelings out of me with these, these dirty tricks! You think you can manipulate me really?”

“No tricks, look, see there's your soul, his is the blue one.”

Doc handed Bill a photo of them as 2 glowing orbs hovering in the ether. Bill held the photo and he felt his very soul thumb at the photo in recognition. There was no denying the truth of course, only there was.

“This is bull! He's met me, he hates me! It only works out with us if I break out of here and finish what I started!”

“Now I'm not supposed to share about alternate timelines with patients but I think this might actually help you.” 

They pulled out a clip board. 

“I found this one looking for something to help you.” 

Bill took the clipboard. His eye landed on the image of a young adult human with long blonde hair and a big smile. 

“What is this”

“You, well your soul, if it had gone through it's cycles of reincarnation as intended.” 

Bill read the paper. It talked about a boy named Bill. An odd dreamer born in Wyoming but moved to New Jersey. This Bill met Ford before college and they went to the same one. He was never as smart as Ford but Fordsy called him the visionary. It read that together they worked on inventions to see the stars and worlds beyond.

“You want me to believe this is me?”

“If you never became immortal, yes.” 

“Well then it's not me. I would have never survived if I didn't! I mean you don't understand what it was like you can't have.”

“Lots of people have bad childhoods Bill” 

“LOTS of people are roaches who can't do anything to fix their reality! I can, I did, and this fake Bill didn't!” 

“Fake Bill is happy”

“Oh, is fake Bill happy? This photo is what, in the 80’s? Please. I've seen the way Ford treated his brother and Fiddleford, Ford isn't the kind to just settle down and be happy.” 

“Well he actually has a great number of happy endings.” 

“And let me guess they all don't involve me? At least like this, because I HAVE to change”

“You DO have to change Bill but that's not a bad thing, change is beautiful, change is life!” 

“No, your change is death, my change will be life.” 

Doc sighed. 

“Well that's all the time we have for today.”

Bill clutched the clipboard uncontrollably. 

“You can keep that but don't tell the others.” 

Back in Bill's room he flipped through the pages again and again. He had nothing else to do but memorize the details of his other life. He wondered if the reason they weren't allowed to tell patients these things was because it's torture. Knowing that you could have had a better life but didn't. He looked for reasons to dismiss it, to think it's a pitiful stupid existence to think that they were simply lesser beings on a lower plane. 

[harlowtales]

Y/N makes a choice. Who will she take it further with? ⚽️💔🤔❤️‍🔥

18 plus - Adult Themes, Language, Sex

Jack got up early and packed up the jeep loading pups in the back to head to Lexington. He sort of let you know he was coming but not for the reason he said. He told you he was taking a road trip to see KY Engineering because KY and Nemo were being honoured with a state award and wanted Jack to go. This was only partially true. They were being honoured but Jack had no plans to go and it wasn’t for another week. He told you he’s was due for some time with KY in the studio and to hang out in Lex for a a bit. You shrugged it off and went about your day. You were not nearly as affected anymore by Jack since you and Sunni had formed such a solid bond.

Jack picked up Urban and hit the highway. It was nice to just get away for a bit with some beats pumping and Lexington was under 2 hours away. Urban smelled a rat and called Jack out on it and immediately.

“So just headed to Lex to hang out huh?” Urban said suspiciously

“Yup.” Jack said dodging any further discussion.

“You. Who hate Lexington are just going there to chill out when Y/N is there in a soccer tournament to chill with KY and Nemo who you see all the time.” Urban said now more directly.

“Fuck bro what do you want from me?” Jack yelled over the music and noise from the open road.

“The truth maybe?” Urban said unapologetically

“I gotta talk to Y/N is all.” Jack confessed “I need to tell her...I…I like her a lot and I just want to see if she feels the same. You know we ain’t getting any younger bro. You’re happy with your lady. I figured it’s time to lock in with a real one before..”

“Before Sunni snatches her soul.” Urban chuckled “Gotta hand it to bro, he landed Y/N. He can cook though, girls love that, and he’s got that dorky sexy thing going on. Remember everyone had a crush on Y/N at one point?”

“He didn’t fucking land Y/N. They’re just hanging out and talking and shit.” Jack said confidently. “He is not sexy at all, he’s just a bootleg me. I know what’s best for Y/N. I’m the one she really wants but every time I had to avoid the situation because of my lifestyle.”

“Ok bruh.” Urban said “You tell yourself whatever you need to.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Jack said getting flustered.

“Yo sorry…eyes on the road.” Urban apologized for riling Jack up while he was driving.

They pulled up eventually to the gym at the University of Kentucky. Almost immediately there were whispers and pointing at the car as Jack parked. They snuck up on Y/N’s team in a huddle as the gym door was cracked open. Everyone froze as Jack and Urban got closer. None of them had really met a celebrity before, and Urban was almost as famous as Jack’s best friend.

Y/N turned around swiftly as the coach said “Jack Harlow? What are you doing here sir. Nobody told us you were coming.”

“Yeah what are you doing here?” You said with an edge still upset Jack was always mean to you, especially lately.

“C’mon, I can’t drop by?” Jack said oozing charm with his diamond earrings and megawatt smile.

“Um of course you can. Welcome to our practice Mr. Harlow. It’s an honour to have you here.” The coach apologized. “Ok girls don’t get distracted.” The coach yelled at the team about to hit the field.

Jack had never actually seen you play. It’s one of the many things you were mad at him for. Sunni made an effort to rearrange his work schedule to see you play all the time. “So you just in town to hang with KY huh?” You said with no hesitation to let Jack know you weren’t feeling him at all at the moment. “Where’s Sunni did he come for the ride?” You asked hopefully.

“Sunni ain’t here. I’m here.” Jack said firmly stirring something up inside of you that you hadn’t felt in a long time.

“Sunni is always with me.” You shot back.

“Why don’t you run along and get on the field. I came here to watch a star play my favourite sport.” Jack taunted. He was never just going to be nice.

“Oh I’m going to fucking play.” You said with clenched teeth. Jack had a way of getting under your skin. “But you know by this time Sunni would be telling me I can do anything and to just do my best.”

“That’s sweet but that’s not what you need.” Jack replied looking deep into your eyes. “Now go out there and practice hard like UK’s head is already on a platter. This is the finals. You wanna a sweet pep talk or to be told you are a demon and you’re going to crush them.”

“I’m a fucking demon.” You repeated feeling the competitive juices flowing.

“That’s my baby.” Jack said knowing it was what you longed to hear.

“Don’t do that. I know what you’re doing and I know why you’re here. I like Sunni.” You said assuredly.

“Y/N we’ve been in love since we were kids.” Jack said shocking you as he’d never admitted that before.” You know who you belong to now go play.”

“I belong to me and me only.” You said stopping in your wrath only to pet and kiss pups who was dying to jump into your arms.

“Y/N! You’re in!” The coach yelled.

Jack sent Urban and pups to the hotel as he wanted to be alone with you after practice. He sat and watched you in amazement. He knew you could play but he didn’t know how good you were. There was no doubting the olympics was in your future. He felt so proud as you scored twice and played rough. It turned him on to see you out there outshining everyone.

“C’mon Y/N get it! Steal it!” Jack yelled as the team looked at him. They were nervous he just showed up but everyone knew Sunni as Y/Ns sort of man and that her and Jack had been friends since forever so they didn’t think anything much of him cheering you on and bought the story of him just passing by and in town for other reasons.

After you showered and were the last to come out from the locker room hoping Jack would be gone, he was still there and motioned over to you. “I should stick with the team.” You said tired and sore.

“Nonsense, you know we need to talk.” He said smoothly.

“About what?” You said confused “You know you got some…nerve.” You said softly as he pulled you in for a kiss. Your heart raced and your head was swimming. You hated the effect he had on you and thought Sunni had successfully gotten you over him.

“Is the locker room empty?” Jack said breathlessly

“Jack no it’s not that easy.” You said weakly “Please Sunni is a good guy. He’s our friend.”

“He’ll understand he’s not your man and he doesn’t have you like I do. Our souls are one and you know that.” Jack said touching his forehead to yours. I need you right here right now. Please. After this if you choose Sunni I…I’ll leave you alone I swear.”

“No you won’t. You always do this.” You said getting weaker and he knew it. He pressed you up against the wall and began feeling under your shorts to push his fingers into your aching space. You moaned as his hands thrust in and out of you getting slicker with your passion for him. He kissed you hard and with his other hand grasped your breast. You pulled him into the locker room and locked the door.

He was bulging hard in anticipation of getting inside you but propped you up on a bench and pulled your shorts down. He forced your legs apart and licked your glistening pussy like a sweet lollipop before forging ahead with his tongue penetrating your inner core. He sucked your clit hard making you say his name “Jack!! Ughh!!” and grab a handful of curls as you arched your back.

He swivelled his head and drove deeper making you cum within minutes. This had happened before many times. Jack would toy with you eating you out in the back of his Jeep and dropping you back to your dorm. This went on for a year and nobody knew. You both felt that as long as you didn’t have sex with each other it didn’t count. It never amounted to anything so you didn’t tell Sunni.

“Fuck I missed how you taste.” Jack said wiping your cum off his cherry lips. He stood up so now his dick was bulging in his pants right in your face. You quickly pulled his sweatpants down as it sprung out you grab the rock hard shaft and took it all the way in until it hit the back of your throat. Jack winced in agonizing pleasure as he was sensitive to deep head. You pulled his warm cock out of your soft wet mouth slowly, looking up at him making him desire you more. He bent you over a desk and pulled on your ponytail as he entered you roughly.

“Jack!! Please!!” You cried out but he showed no mercy driving into you like a freight train in and out. You had to remember him. He couldn’t send you back to Sunni with some run of the mill memory. He wanted you to feel this for a long time.

“Do you feel me?” He said breathing hard and not letting up on his relentless rhythm slapping against your ass with his whole body. He was large and you definitely felt him deeply tearing your inner walls down.

“Yes!!” You screamed as his grip on your ponytail tightened and he thrust with more force. Suddenly you felt him pull out and heaved a sigh of relief but it wouldn’t last long.

“Come and fuck me.” He demanded as he sat on a chair, his cock hard and slick from being far inside you. You obeyed and positioned yourself to sit on him taking in his full length. He groaned and threw his head back only to slap and grab both your ass cheeks as you rode him steady and strong. It stung but he slapped your ass again and slightly smiled as a tear slid down your cheek but you didn’t stop. He wrapped his arms around you and sucking on your tits he forced you up and down harder.

“I…Jack! I…I…oh god!” You exclaimed as you gushed all over him wetting up his stomach. He kept you straddled walked over to a pile of blankets laying you on top and entered you again more slowly which was even worse as now you were sore. You hung onto him and winced in pain as he pushed into you.

“Come for me again.” He commanded picking up speed and covering your mouth. You screamed into his hand and clawed at his back.

“Jack stop! I can’t take it.” You pleaded

“Come for daddy one more time.” Jack breathed in your ear as he had you pinned down driving to hit your g-spot. His head was starting to throb as he was minutes away from exploding.

“I’m coming baby.” You whispered “Cum with me.” You opened your legs more so he could press further into you.

“Y/N shit!!” Jack cried as he pulled out and came all over you rubbing his cream on your tits. He was drenched in sweat and collapsed onto the pile of blankets next to you pulling you close to him. You laid your head on his chest heaving and in disbelief of what just happened.

“Never forget this even if you choose Sunni.” Jack said kissing you on your head. “I love you so much it hurts me and I always will. I would give you a life you can only dream of.”

“Jack I love you.” You said determined for him to know even if it didn’t work out which you were doubtful it would.

“But..” he said sensing something bad coming.

“But I…need stability and consistency.” You said honestly.

“Done. I’ll cancel tour if you want me to.” He said eagerly.

“Lord no don’t do that I’m not that important” you said as you both started looking for your clothes. He stopped you and his piercing ice blue eyes saw right into you.

“Is that…is that what I’ve done to you?” He said searching for the answer in your eyes. “You think you’re not important to me?”

“Yeah.” You said shortly as if it was common knowledge. “You literally dodged me every time I wanted more and were with so many other girls right in front of me.”

“I’m an asshole. You know what? I’m sorry this happened. I came here thinking this would make you mine.” Jack said hanging his head.

“Jack I belong to you. I can’t change that, but Sunni is a great guy. He looks after me.” You said matter of factly.

“So what does that mean?” Jack said tears welling up in his eyes.

“It means…when I get back to Louisville, Sunni and I are making it official. I’m sorry Jack but I can’t trust you.”

Jack took you to your hotel in silence. He couldn’t believe after all that you chose Sunni. He enveloped you in a a huge hug and planted a kiss goodbye on your cheek. “You’re mine forever do you understand?” He said looking down at you.

“Yes. I do.” You said in agreement as you didn’t want to pretend you didn’t have a bond with Jack that could not be broken, but he had broken your heart too many times and you knew Sunni would take care of you in a way you deserved. You walked into the 21C hotel lobby and turned to wave goodbye with a dimpled smile and blew him a kiss.

He caught it and held it close to his chest with a goofy grin and made you giggle, knowing you made the right choice.

@itsyagirljaz @okaaay-mice

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for refusing to be my bestfriend's son's godmother?

CW : sexual assault

If there is one thing that is well-known in my school is that me and my bestfriend are two-peas-in-a-pod, sisters in everything but blood, twin flames, platonic soulmates. We had been friends since the start of middle school and we share a lot of similarities and interests. We really get along so well and I had always been happy and content just to have her beside me. I thought nothing would ever come between. That is, until he came into our lives in freshman year of high school.

Honestly, he wasn't that bad at first, he was actually amazing. Our duo became a trio and we had an amazing rest of our high school years. They were some of the best memories I have and to this day, in freshly out of university, it only brings me pain. Everything changed when my best friend noticed that this guy's attention to me was a little... too much to be considered platonic. And I admit that I had enjoyed the attention. She- my bestfriend- one day found out that this guy and I have started hooking up and she didn't like it. She never actually told me the reason why but I just remember her eye-ing us intensely whenever we sit next to each other. For some reason, she started copying me. My way of dressing, my mannerisms, flirting with the guy and all. I wasn't upset with that, not even jealous, I just teased her of being my fan. Then it happened.

Apparently, my bestfriend dressing and acting like me was something this guy took as a sign that she also wanted to hook up with him so he made a move. They slept together. She didn't consent to it. And to my utter shock, she blamed the guy AND ME. She said that since she was mimicking me in terms of fashion and mannerism, it was technically my fault that this guy forced her to sleep with him. I was so shock when this happened because I never told her nor forced her to mimic me. I never told the guy to force her because she resembled me at that moment. Yes, I was sad and angry of the guy because of what he did but I don't think it's fair to call me his accomplice! I never wanted that to happen to her of all people.

She stopped talking to me after that. Didn't let me explain, nothing. We reached sophomore year of university, she exchanged schools, blocked me in every social media account and according to our mutual friend, every time she suggests unblocking me and letting me explain my side, she would straight up say "Hell no!" and say that she didn't wanna talk to the person who aided the loss of her dignity. Through the last 2 years of my university, I held onto the hope that she'll talk to me again because I missed her and I really wanted my soul sister back.

Now here's the kicker.

She contacted me yesterday. Not for closure, no, for an invite to be her newborn son's godmother. I was ecstatic at first because that means she will start talking to me again, right? My joy ended when I found out that the boy's father WAS THE SAME GUY. Somewhere in the 2 years she kept on refusing to talk to me, she talked to this guy again, they got together, she got pregnant, and now they're also planning a wedding. Now I don't blame the kid, of course not, but what made me decline was how could she have talked and bonded to the person who DID steal her dignity yet refuse to talk to me WHO HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT? Me, her bestfriend of so many years...

And now the news of me declining her invitation to be her son's godmother got out and people- our friends, her and his family, even my own mom!- are calling me cruel and cold-hearted for refusing the honor to be a child's godparent. They said that since my bestfriend was able to put what happened behind her then I should to as well. That she didn't contact me because she needed space ( she needed space from me and apparently not to the one that caused it, god- ). I don't know. In any other situation, I would've gladly be her son's godmother but the pain of that realization that she stayed away from me yet let that man near is still so fresh that I couldn't bring it to myself to be anywhere near or even have any connection to them...

Am I really the asshole for refusing?

What are these acronyms?

[written-in-flowers]

Fly Away: Pt. 6

Pairing: Young!Aemond x Young!Velaryon!Reader | Side pairing: Rhaenyra x Alicent, Aegon x Helaena

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Au: friends to lovers, childhood love, incest (duh), slight homophobia expressed, repressed feelings, mutual pining, teenage runaways, mentions of bullying, arrange marriages

Word Count: 6k

Summary: Young love overcomes all in a family full of broken bonds and broken hearts. When Princess Y/N Velaryon and Prince Aemond Targaryen are discovered missing from their beds, their mothers must come together to find them. The search might do more for their families than a mere marriage pact can. 

A/N: want to clarify now that we stick with young!Aemond throughout the story. Ewan’s Aemond comes in at the very end. This is mainly done starting a bit before The Princess and the Queen and a little bit after the events at Driftmark. I do pull some scenes from the show, but it remains relatively loose throughout. Want to also point out that The Dance doesn’t happen in this universe, so...happy ending expected, because we need more of those.  

Taglist: @yitish​ @imjustboredso​ @discowizard88 @mddieeunson  @caramelcandescence @bookwhoresthings @astrumark @minteaspoon​

Previous Chapter < | > Next Chapter

****

Morning came with no sign of you. Rhaenyra took deep breaths as she dressed for riding. A myriad of gruesome, disturbing scenes crossed her mind. What if you’d been taken captive? What if some ship’s captain found you, and is now selling you across the sea? No. She could not think that way. She’d take Syrax to the skies and see if Syrax finds Starshine. 

Starshine came from a clutch of Syrax’s eggs many years ago; the Dragon Keepers thought the egg as blue as midnight would never hatch. That is, until you were born. Rhaenyra fondly remembered the day five-year-old Y/N came up to her with a blue and gold hatchling in her arms. You hadn’t cared if the dragon’s claws nipped your skin and gown. You’d cried tears of joy, completely fond of the dragon who’d bonded with you immediately, and vowed to love her forever. You’d spend every day going to the Dragonpit to feed, play and train your dragon. The Dragon Keepers told her that Starshine, as you’d named her, flew faster than her brothers and sisters. Rhaenyra worried about letting you ride her, but you insisted Starshine only went half her speed when carrying her rider. 

Other than that, the beast flew like the wind. 

Rhaenyra walked out of her bedroom, riding coat over her tunic and trousers, boots echoing on the floor. She nervously wrung her hands, thinking of where to look for you first. She’d come out into the main hall, and saw Laenor with the head of their guard by the Painted Table. An entire map of Westeros carved into the table, lit up by the line of candles underneath, acted as a strategy table. She saw him hunched over where Dragonstone is located, the two men talking quietly to each other. When he heard her footsteps, Laenor turned his head to see her. 

“Rhaenyra,” he called to her. 

“They haven’t found her,” she guessed, sliding on her leather gloves. 

A small pang hit her heart at the stitching on the cuffs. Slim dragons weaved in and out of one another in golden thread. You’d spent weeks getting the stitches just right. Oh, you sweet child. Where are you? 

“I’m afraid not,” he frowned. “I’m going to ride Seasmoke and look for her. The Dragon Keepers are searching the mountains.”

“Good. I’ll take Syrax.” 

“We want to come too!” 

Her sons appeared at the bottom of the stairs, both staring at her hopefully. “You boys need to stay here,” Laenor told them, “In case your sister returns.” 

“We want to look with you,” Jace told him. “She’s our sister.”

“Please let us come,” Luke pleaded with his mother. “What if something terrible has happened to her?” 

“Which is all the reason why you must remain here,” Rhaenyra told him comfortingly. “If anything has befallen your sister, the same might happen to you as well.” 

“The more people who are looking, the higher the chances of finding her are,” Jace insisted. “Mother, we can help. Vermax and Arrax are big enough to ride, and if we find her, one of us will come get you or Father.” 

“Let us help, Mother,” said Luke right after. “Y/N might be hurt,” he hugged her, “She needs us.”

Your caring brothers. Despite what happened at Driftmark and whatever cruel words they might’ve said from anger, your brothers loved you. She ran a hand through Luke’s soft curls, so different from her own silver strands, and bent to look at him. His large brown eyes filled with tears, which he tried sniffing back. She knew Luke was closer to you than Jace. For a moment, she remembered the day he’d been born and how happy you’d been to have a second baby brother. 

She cupped his cheek gently, and said, “Your sister is fine. She is only missing, but you father and I will find her. I need you both to stay here in case she comes back on her own, alright?”

“But-” Jace began to say, but was cut off by Laenor. 

“-You both will stay here,” Laenor said. “If your sister returns, she may need you both to care for her.”

“Mother…” 

“We’ll find her,” she assured him. She stood and looked at her husband, “I’ll go on ahead. I’ll start on the northside.”

“I will take the south and work to the west. You can take the east.” 

They’d both made to leave before Jace caught her hand. Rhaenyra turned to see tears in his eyes as well. “Mother,” he croaked, “If you find Y/N, can you…can you tell her I didn’t mean what I said?”

“What do you mean?”

He looked down shamefully, “At Driftmark…I said that she hated us, and that she should leave us alone. I…I didn’t mean it. I said it because I…I was hurt that she’d defended Aemond after what he did. But…But, I know now that she only cares about everyone. Will you tell her I don’t hate her? That Luke and I want her to come back home? I promise to never tease her ever again, as long as she comes back.” 

Rhaenyra’s heart sank. She kissed the top of his head, and hugged him, “I will. Stay here, the both of you.” 

They nodded, and she began walking alongside Laenor. Their children out of earshot, Laenor spoke, “She ran away.”

“I know.”

“There is only one place I imagine she’d go,” he said. “Your father will never turn away one of his grandchildren.”

It pained her to think of it, while also leaving her in awe. Sometime before, Rhaenyra also envisioned running away with the person she loved the most. The thought of you doing the same would’ve touched her if it did not riddle her with anxiety. Walking down the castle ramparts, she recalled that night once again. She’d snuck out of her bed chambers through a secret passage, a rucksack full of provisions slung over her shoulder, and went around the keep the long way. Hope and adventure pumped adrenaline into her veins, visions of having Alicent freely brought a smile to her face. Had you been the same way? She imagined you in her place. Sneaking away in the dead of night onto your dragon, with nothing but a few supplies and a dream, on your way to be with your beloved. The bards will never stop singing about it. 

“My lord!” 

She’d reached the dragon keep when Maester Gerardys rushed up to her and Laenor outside the gates. She saw a small scroll of paper in his hand. The elderly man puffed and panted when he reached them. Her nerves wracked together seeing the paper and worried for the worst. 

“My Lord,” he addressed Laenor, handing him the scroll, “This just arrived from Driftmark from Lord Corlys.”

Laenor broke the wax seal and unrolled the paper. He read it carefully, his reading eyes making Rhaenyra nervous. She clutched his forearm, “What is it?”

“My father says one of his men saw a dragon in the skies last night during his patrol of High Tide,” he answered. “They said they’d seen it bolting through the sky before disappearing from sight.”

“That sounds like Starshine!”

“And they told him,” he read it again, “That the dragon appeared to be flying in the direction of King’s Landing.” He glanced back at her, “King’s Landing is not that far away on dragonback. She might be there now.”

“Then why has she not written?” Rhaenyra replied, discontentedly. “Then why has The Queen not written and told me?” 

Even with their tarnished relationship, Rhaenyra knew Alicent would’ve written to her if you’d shown up at her door. She shook her head, finding it hard to believe. “Where else could she have gone then?” Laenor asked pleadingly. “The only reason she’d run away is in King’s Landing. You know our girl, Rhaenyra, she’s a romantic. It’d be like her to want to fly away with Aemond. I will send word to King’s Landing and to my father to keep a look out for Starshine. If we’re lucky, she’s there.”

“Alicent would have told me Y/N was there. I don’t think she’s there. Y/N is too smart to go flying so close to Driftmark.” 

“We don’t have any other leads.”

“Um, Princess,” Maester Gerardys called her attention, “Perhaps Prince Aegon might have some insight?”

“Aegon?” Rhaenyra asked, bemused, “Why would we ask him? He’s never shown an ounce of interest in his brother or his niece.” 

“I say this because Sunfyre appears to have arrived.”

The three of them looked up into the open sky to see a golden dragon circling overhead. Rhaenyra recognized the beaten gold scales and thin pink membrane of Sunfyre, her younger brother’s dragon. What was he doing here? A plethora of reasons came to mind as Sunfyre gradually made his descent into the main yard of the dragon keep. The Dragon Keepers all kept their spears trained upwards as the beast landed, roaring and snarling at them. On the saddle, she saw her brother. He wore his silver hair in a loose braid down his back, dressed in his green and gold finery. Rhaenyra saw a determination she’d never seen in Aegon before. Usually, when she did see him, he was drunk and unaware of his surroundings. The Aegon she saw here was a different person. But, as quickly as she noticed this, she spotted the person clinging onto him for her dear life. 

Alicent, in a dress of dark emerald, clung to her son as Sunfyre sat down in the yard. She’d never flown before, Rhaenyra knew. It always terrified her. Her long curls blown back from her face, she fixed them properly once the Dragon Keepers helped her down from the dragon saddle. The moment she finished fixing her skirts and steadying herself, her eyes met Rhaenyra from beyond the gate. Only a year passed since she’d seen Alicent, yet it felt like so much longer. At that moment, her heart ached. The young besotted girl inside her wished to reach out for Alicent, apologize for all her wrongdoings both real or imagined, and embrace her. A million words were exchanged between them, yet nothing came out into the open. 

“My Queen,” Laenor bowed as Alicent stormed over to them. Rhaenyra immediately knew something was wrong, and her suspicions were correct. 

“Where is-” Alicent began, but Rhaenyra spoke first.

“Y/N is missing as well,” she said. 

Alicent paused. “Missing?” she asked cautiously. 

“Yes, she went flying and never came home,” Rhaenyra told her, keeping herself together, “Laenor and I were about to search for her.”

“My father,” Laenor said, “Sent a raven. He said one of his men spotted Starshine in the skies early yesterday morning.”

“He said the same about Vhagar.” Aegon appeared beside his mother, handing Laenor the letter they’d received. “It came to us a few hours ago. We’d sent word to lords in Westeros to keep an eye out for Vhagar, and Lord Corlys responded. He said a sea captain coming back from King’s Landing told him they spotted Vhagar leaving King’s Landing and heading this way.”

Laenor read the letter and nodded in confirmation. “How long has Aemond been missing?” she asked Alicent. 

“Since yesterday morning,” she replied. “Nobody had seen him all day, and we searched the city to no avail.” 

Rhaenyra wanted to hug her. She wanted to bring Alicent into her arms, give her the reassurance and comfort they both desperately needed. “If he isn’t here,” Aegon said, “And Y/N isn’t here, then where could they be?” 

“They must be somewhere on the island,” Laenor said. “Did your sister come with you?”

“Yes, she’s on her way with Dreamfyre,” Aegon nodded. 

“Good. Rhaenyra, you’ll search the northside of the island. I will search the south; Aegon will search the east, and when Princess Helaena arrives, she can fly around the west. I think with all of us on our dragons, we may find them both.”

“They won’t be here,” Aegon disagreed. 

“Why not?”

“Aemond is not an idiot, and neither is Y/N. Staying on Dragonstone is too risky for two people who do not wish to be found.” 

“He’s right,” Rhaenyra said, wishing it weren’t so. “If they’re together, they wouldn’t be where we expect.”

“Then, they went to another city…” the realization came to Alicent, and Rhaenyra felt the same dread. “No, no, they could not have. They’d never…”

“Pentos,” Laenor said first. “Y/N always talked about going there ever since she met a Pentoshi sea captain in the village. She’s fascinated with the place.” 

“And Aemond would go wherever Y/N went.” 

She was not the only one. Pentos had once been Rhaenyra’s place of choice for them. Two star-crossed lovers flying away to the Free Cities to escape their quarreling families sounded like a fairytale. It might’ve touched her if her daughter were not one of the lovers. Laenor guided them all back inside. Alicent can rest from her journey while they await Princess Helaena. In the meantime, Laenor and Aegon can discuss and gather search parties. Walking back into the large hall, she stood off to the side while deep in thought. Idly, she listened in as Laenor, Aegon and Alicent suggested places in Essos the children might have gone. 

But, thinking upon it more, Rhaenyra sensed they were wrong. You might’ve dreamed of going across The Narrow Sea, but the chances of being recognized are too high. Neither you nor Aemond could survive in the streets. You’re both nobles who’ve been sheltered your entire lives. A foreign city like Pentos might intimidate you. Besides, that did not sound romantic enough. She thought back to the stories she’d heard growing up. A lot of the romances spoke of the lovers absconding to a secluded place for the two of them. 

“Jaehaerys and Alysanne…” she said quietly to herself. 

“Rhaenyra?” 

“Jaehaerys and Alysanne,” she repeated, coming back over to them. “Y/N loves the story of the marriage between King Jaehaerys and Queen Alysanne. She always talked about how romantic she thought it was that they’d run away together to Dragonstone.”

“But, we’re on Dragonstone,” said Aegon. 

“They’d go to a remote place,” Alicent continued for her, nodding slightly. “They’d want to go somewhere that nobody else knows. They’d go to a place where it’d be only them and them alone.” More words hung in the air between them. “Should they have gone to Essos, there’s the possibility of being discovered but if they went elsewhere…Tell your maester to bring all of his maps.”

“All of them?” Laenor asked. “He has quite a few.”

“Bring them,” she affirmed. 

“Yes, Your Grace.”

When Laenor called for Maester Gerardys, Rhaenyra ordered the household maids to prepare rooms for The Queen and Prince Aegon. She still wished to go on Syrax. If not to search for her daughter, then to clear her mind. The room suddenly became suffocating, and she gasped for air. Her little dove, forever the hopeless romantic, vanished in the night and is somewhere in the world. 

Wherever you’d gone, she hoped you were safe. 

***

Breakfast consisted of two leftover sausages, meager portions of berries and nuts, water Aemond brought in his waterskins, and hard bread with honey. Not an ideal breakfast, but you hoped things would be better after today. Having finished working on the shack, you and Aemond decided you’d go into the forest together. You needed a water source, and Aemond said the lake wouldn’t be too far. 

“We can fill up the skins,” he said, handing you a waterskin while he kept two empty ones around his neck, “And this pail. You know, to have water for cooking.”

You might’ve mentioned bathing in the lake as well if it did not make you giggle. The island heat became more apparent in the daytime, causing your clothes to feel uncomfortable and hot on your body. A nice cool dip sounded refreshing, but then you remembered Aemond being there and possibly seeing you undressed. You started off behind him, carrying your waterskin and the pail while Aemond stayed a few steps ahead. You thought back to the previous night where Aemond cried. It amazed you that he thought a missing eye kept you from wanting to be with him. It sounded ridiculous to you, but you supposed to Aemond it’d make sense. At home, you imagined many people gave him distasteful stares or murmured behind his back when he walked past them. Aemond might pretend to be above it all, but you knew better. 

“Can you shoot with that?” you asked, nodding at the bow and sheath of arrows on his back. 

“I can,” he answered. “I thought I could do some hunting while we’re out.” He looked over his shoulder at you, “I wouldn’t go far. Don’t worry for me.” 

“I still wish that we stay together,” you told him. “We don’t know this island, Aemond. Your map is only an outline of the old one. What if you come across a dangerous place?”

“I won’t go far,” he reassured you. “I can handle myself, Y/N.”

“I know you can, but…” 

It stayed in the air. His eye. A predator or animal might take advantage of his blind side to attack him. He could run into another tree like last night and hurt himself gravely. You didn’t want him to think you doubted his skills, because he’s a good swordsman, but you worried. Trekking through the forest, you heard a low roar coming from somewhere above you right before the small stretch of forest became covered in darkness. You and Aemond looked up to see the battle-worn underside of Vhagar through the canopy. Right as she started circling a spot ahead, another shadow closely followed. You smiled softly to yourself. Reaching the opposite side to a clearing, a large lake stretched around in a circle before feeding into a stream heading southward. Knowing the lake is so close left you and Aemond at ease. You felt more reassured when Vhagar and Starshine settled down across, smashing and cracking trees with their tails and making the earth rumble and quake underneath your feet. The two dragons stayed side by side while taking large gulps of water. 

“Do you think they’ve become friends?” you asked Aemond, continuing to watch as you walked to the shore. 

“It seems like it,” he answered. “Vhagar’s usually alone in the dragonpit. She’s too large to stay there long, so she flies around a lot. I’ve never seen her interact with another dragon before.”

“Starshine’s the opposite,” you said, taking off your boots and stockings before going towards the water’s edge with your waterskin. “She likes socializing with the other dragons in the tunnels. She’s very friendly.”

He chuckled softly, and you looked over at him in the water. “What?”

“I read this book that once said dragons are similar to their riders,” he said, dipping the waterskin beneath the surface to fill it. “It’s funny to see that it’s true.”

“How so?”

“You’re friendly and like talking to people too.”

“Well, if that’s true, then you’re perfect for Vhagar,” you nudged him with a grin. “Grumpy and quiet.”

“I’m not ‘grumpy’,” he laughed, nudging you back. 

“Oh, you certainly can be,” you nudged him in return, “When the mood strikes you.”

The two of you shared a glance, and you heard him give a soft hum and look away. You giggled, and nudged him once more to hear him make the sound again. He reminded you of a cat with how he purred in disagreement. When you finished filling your first waterskin, Aemond casually bumped himself into you. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, Y/N,” he chuckled, bumping you once more and making you laugh, “I didn’t mean to knock into you like that,” he did it once more, and you nearly lost your balance in the water. “I suppose it’s my grumpy mood.”

“Aemond!” you laughed, managing to keep your balance and lightly prodded him back. 

“Oop, forgive me, Princess,” he replied, smiling widely, knocking into you fully now. “Oh, forgive me again. Oop, forgive me once again, lovely Princess.”

Soon, you felt yourself falling into the water and instinctively reached for Aemond’s sleeve. In a loud splash, the two of you broke the still surface. A tangle of limbs thrashing in the shallow water, you both quickly stood from the sandy waters and took lungfuls of air. The water cooled your hot skin, and cleansed you of any dirt and sweat left under your clothes. However, now your clothes weighed you down and stuck to your body. Regardless, you locked eyes with Aemond and laughed in delight. You quickly splashed water in his direction, and he returned a splash in kind. Waterskins floating in the low waters, you escaped Aemond’s splatter by going into the deeper part. He followed right away, lunging forward and dunking you into the water. You wrestled against one another. You had experience with Jace, who liked tackling you whenever your parents left you alone, and Aemond lived with Aegon, who enjoyed teasing him. Coming up for air, panting heavily from being under so long, you gave each other a moment before you leapt onto him. Aemond managed to keep his head above water, merely holding you to him in the deep water. Your arms around his neck, his locks around your waist. 

You realized that, once again, you and Aemond were dangerously close. He’d lost his eyepatch in the water fight, so you saw his scarring up close. It didn’t bother you at all. You saw how they’d emptied out the rest of the socket, so only a hole remained. You weren’t bothered at all. If your mother or septa could see you now, they’d be appalled. Princesses don’t throw themselves into the arms of their betrothed. But, then you remembered you and Aemond were no longer betrothed. Should your families find you, they will separate you again and make sure you stay apart. This made you cling to Aemond. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, noticing you clutching him. “Is it my…my eye?” 

“I don’t want them to find us,” you whispered, as if speaking it too loudly will make it come true. 

“Neither do I,” he said. A long minute passed before he said, “Tilt your head.”

You tilted your head to one side, your heart pounding, and he leaned into you. His lips tasted faintly of the berries from breakfast. Warm and soft, they laid flat on yours. When he pulled away, your cheeks and ears burned. You worried he might’ve not liked it or you’d done something wrong. You’d never seen your mother and father kiss on the lips, only on their cheeks. In paintings, you often saw young maidens and their true loves sharing deep kisses with their mouths open. 

“I’ve never kissed anyone before,” you admitted softly. 

“I have.”

“When?”

“Aegon took me to a brothel on my nameday,” he said, not looking at you. “He said it was time to ‘get it wet’.”

“Did you want to go?”

“I…I don’t really know now. I knew where we were going once we reached the street, but when we went inside, I…” you saw a tinge of pink cross his pale cheeks, “I only remember thinking about going back home.”

“What was it like there?”

“Strange. All the women were naked, and people were…coupling…in full view of everyone. Men with women. Women with women and men with men. Everyone was drunk, and the place smelled awful. He brought me to this woman. She was older than me. She was very kind, and told me to relax.”

You’d never seen this woman, but a pang of jealousy hit you. An image of a faceless, scantily clad woman preying on your Aemond made your face harden. “What did she do?”

“Y/N…I don’t think it’s appropriate for a lady to hear about that-”

“-I want to know what she did so I can do it too.”

“Y/N-”

“-Why does she get to kiss you and not me?”

“We did more than kiss, Y/N.” 

You gasped, eyes widening. You weren’t surprised Aegon took his brother to a brothel, but Aemond’s participation surprised you. “She told me how to do it,” he continued, “So on my wedding night, I’d know how to…I’d rather not go into detail with you.” Something stiff touched you, and Aemond blushed a deep red. “I’m sorry,” he said, moving away from you, “I…I, um…”

“It’s okay,” you insisted, looking away shyly. “My mother said it does that.”

“It does.” 

You moved closer to him, and asked, “How did she kiss you?”

“Our tongues touched.” 

So, you did what you pictured the woman had done. Tilting your head again, you kissed Aemond with your lips closed. Slowly, you managed to open and deepen the kiss, your tongue tentatively touching his. You heard him gasp softly, breath dampening the top of your lips, and he pulled you to him again. The urge to kiss Aemond came on the heels of envisioning an older woman getting to kiss him first; she did what you’d never have the gall to do. Aemond’s hands stayed on your waist as you kissed. You wondered if you were doing it right until Aemond took control and kissed you heatedly. 

Breaking away to breathe, you each giggled out your nervousness. A deep rumble made you turn your heads. Starshine, her neck inches from the water’s surface, stared at the both of you. She gave another growl before Vhagar snapped her jaws and flapped her wings. Ripples went across the water as both dragons batted their wings and took flight. When they disappeared into the sky, you took that as a sign. 

“Maybe we should start heading back,” you said, moving away from Aemond. “We need to find food.”

“Good idea.” 

He did not follow you right away, and you knew why. You couldn’t help laughing to yourself as you collected the waterskins and the pail, and left the lake. You walked back to the shack remembering what your mother said about intercourse. She’d given you the speech when you began flowering. She said society considered you a woman now, and could bear children. She explained how it was done; it sounded painful, but she reassured you that it can be quite the opposite if “done correctly”. 

You arrived at the shack, and started shedding off your soaked clothes to place on a line hanging outside, and left your shoes at the door. You knew your small clothes would dry on their own, and barefoot, you walked inside and kindled the logs for a fire. You wring water out of your hair by the time Aemond appeared, wearing his small clothes and silver hair damp. Your jaw dropped when you realized he’d returned without his eyepatch. The hole appeared darker inside than it had in the light. It unnerved you, but you’d never show that to Aemond. 

“I lost it in the water,” he said, embarrassed. “I couldn’t find it when you left.”

“Do you have others?” 

You frowned when he shook his head. “I forgot to pack another one,” he said. “I spent so much time thinking about everything else, I forgot the most important thing.” 

Thinking quickly, you walked over to the bed and with a knife Aemond kept on the table, you cut a slim piece of cloth. You went back to him, holding the makeshift patch for him. “If you want to,” you told him with uncertainty, “I know wearing the patch makes you more comfortable. I don’t mind either way.”

Aemond took the slip of cloth and tied it the way he would a normal eye patch. Satisfied with how it sat on his face, you noticed tension fall from his shoulders. You saw the thing he held in his hand. 

"What is that?" You asked. It was furry with long ears. "Is that a rabbit?"

"I came across it during my walk back. I can skin it, and we'll cook it for dinner."

"That sounds nice."

He sat with you by the fire, grabbing his knife and making a cut through the rabbit. You turned away in disgust at the sight of him ripping the skin off the rabbit’s body. It was similar to removing a sock or a sleeve. The motion caused a light spray of blood to land on your thigh and knee. 

“Oh, ew, ew, ew,” you squealed, wiping the small droplets with your hand. “Ew, ew, ew.”

“Stop being a baby,” Aemond laughed. “It is only blood.” 

“It’s still disgusting. Ugh, where did you learn to do that?”

“Ser Criston taught me.”

“Ser Criston seems to have taught you many things.”

Aemond paused to think, then nodded, “Yes, yes, he has. My father’s too old to do most things, so Ser Criston teaches me skills like hunting and fighting. He says every man should know how to live out in the woods in case he’s ever traveling alone,” he glanced at you, “Or with people he cares about.” 

You smiled, enjoying the warmth from the fire and Aemond’s company. 

***

They spent ages combing through all of Maester Gerardys’s maps. Alicent meticulously ran her finger over every corner. Aemond must be at one of these places. Duksendale, Sharp Point, Stokeworth…He could’ve gone to any of them. Her heart raced every time she thought about her Aemond and where he was. What if he became injured or ill? She couldn’t stand to think about it. The fact he’d run away the same time as Rhaenyra’s daughter brought on a lingering guilt that filled her stomach. She didn’t bother touching the spread of food the castle maids brought to her bed chamber. She had no interest in food when her son was missing. 

And it’d been her fault. Aemond loved you. The love appeared as bright as the sun and stars. Yet, in a moment of rage, she’d changed everything. She’d done the exact same thing her father had. 

‘You must stop these disgusting habits. It insults everything our family has stood by for centuries: The Seven, The Faith, the name Hightower. You will marry The King and be done with this unholy infatuation you’ve developed.’

‘But, Father, I love her!’

That’d been the first and last time her father raised a hand to her. Alicent felt the slap like it happened yesterday. Nervously, she kept her hand at her throat, rubbing the lump that threatened to grow there. He’d caught her with Rhaenyra in the godswood that day. She’d tried explaining it away with meager excuses; she feared what her father might do if he knew the truth. But, Otto Hightower knew what he’d seen and knew what his daughter was, and it disgusted him. 

Alicent convinced herself this situation differed. Your brothers maimed her son permanently. They’d attacked him, and when he defended himself, they came at him with a knife. Jaceryes went to that meeting with a knife. What other reason did he have if not to hurt her son? Then, when she begged her husband to invoke justice, something only he can do, he favored his daughter. He’d questioned Aemond exactly as she’d told him. It made her realize that her husband did not care for their children. He’d been overjoyed when she’d given him Aegon, yet never named him heir. He’d doted over Helaena, Aemond and young Daeron as babes, but he still chose Rhaenyra over them. Alicent blankly stared at the map on her table, yet did not truly look at it anymore. She’d remembered Viserys’s words when she told him of Aemond’s disappearance, and that she planned to fly to Dragonstone. 

‘I hope you find him safely.’

It angered her beyond belief. How could he have such little concern for Aemond? But, she did not fake surprise. She should’ve expected as much. Aemond could be injured further. He could be dead in a hole or his body floating in the ocean, and Viserys will only ask about Rhaenyra’s daughter's safety. 

She withheld the tears in her eyes. Her poor, sweet Aemond. Ever since he’d ridden Vhagar, he’d changed. No longer the timid, self-conscious boy, he showed much more ferocity and less emotion. She knew he blamed Lucerys Velaryon for his lost eye. She’d demanded the boy’s eye in return at that moment. But, thinking about it now, she realized her moment of madness. Her son wounded, her husband indifferent, and Rhaenyra declaring he be questioned rather than sympathized with, blinded her to reason. The realization that nobody would help her or her children brought her blood to a boil. Deep in her soul, she knew Viserys never loved her children as much as Rhaenyra; she knew his willful blindness to her treason stems from this love. The young girl inside her wished for the same blindness, but the noble woman in her could not look past it. 

Once again, her heart broke into more pieces. 

It concerned her when Aemond revealed he still wished to marry you. She couldn’t allow her son to wed the sister of his attackers. She’d told him the decision was in his best interest, but he’d only howled his rage. He refused to speak to her for days. Whenever she found him, he sat in solitude with a book or writing a poem or simply in thought as he gazed out at the ocean. The ships that went across the blue waves reminded him of you; exactly how lemon cakes reminded her of Rhaenyra, who liked to peel the candied lemons off each one to eat. He eventually came around, but she knew the resentment still lingered. It normally turned its face whenever she mentioned betrothals in front of him. 

“Mother?” 

She hadn’t heard Aegon approach. The boy who stood before her, no longer in his long riding coat, looked different somehow. It’d been him who suggested they ride to Dragonstone, hoping to find Aemond. Even if he did tease his brother, Alicent knew Aegon loved him. He’d spent his whole morning forcing himself to stay searching for Aemond on the ground and in the skies. His suggestion of Aemond running away surprised both her and her father. Her father said he saw potential in Aegon when not lingering away in wine; she simply saw a boy who wanted to prove himself. 

“Aegon,” she walked to him, “Has Helaena arrived?”

“Yes, with Ser Cole,” he told her. He glanced at the maps on her table. “Have you…found anything?”

“Nothing yet,” she said. “Most of these maps are new."

"Then, we should search the older ones," Aegon approached the table, scanning the first map. "These cannot be his only maps." He turned to her, "Do you think they'd withhold them from us?"

"No," she answered truthfully. "Y/N is missing as well. I know Rhaenyra would do anything to have her daughter back."

Aegon nodded. Alicent noticed a change in her son. She’d not once seen him take up a cup of wine since last night. She watched him examine the first map like she’d done, looking for any sign of a difference from the others. Alicent imagined him with his father’s golden crown, his father’s dagger and sword on his belt instead of his own, looking and acting like the king he should be. For years, she’d begged Viserys to name Aegon as his heir. It would bring so much stability to the realm if Aegon were king. If Aegon were king, then her children would be spared from the sword. She knew if Rhaenyra wished to rid herself of any challenge to the throne, she’d have to murder Alicent’s children. She’d have to kill them. Alicent wished she could say the love they shared may cause Rhaenyra to spare her children, but that love vanished. It’d been replaced by years of resentment and bitterness. 

“We’ll find him, Mother,” he reassured her for the millionth time, aware she’s watching him. “I swear it.” 

‘I will find him, Mother,’ is what he truly wishes to say. 

She put her hand on his back, sliding it across before embracing him. Aegon stiffened at first, but soon returned the hug. She’d be the first to say she was not always gentle or patient with Aegon. Being fifteen with no mother to guide her, Alicent maneuvered motherhood alone. She tries her best, she says to herself. Would Aegon be different if she’d tried harder or was he meant to be this way? 

“Where is your sister?” she asked. 

“In the main hall. She agrees with Ser Laenor about searching Dragonstone from above.” 

“And you do not?”

“No, I do not.” He glanced back at her collection of maps. “Aemond wouldn’t come to Dragonstone. It is too obvious. He’ll be afraid you and Rhaenyra will split them apart; he’d take her where we cannot find him.” He flipped through the other maps by the corners, “No. I don’t believe we’ll find his hideout on any of these.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Because these all look the same. There is no difference between them. Maester Gerardys must have others, or books with old maps on them.” 

“Do you believe Rhaenyra would hide them from us?”

“She felt entitled enough to take my brother’s eye,” he said, a slight edge to his tone. “Rhaenyra is the heir. As you have told me time and time again, Mother, Rhaenyra will not hesitate to put my brother, sister, and I to the sword to eliminate challenges to her claim. I would not be surprised if she has withheld information from us to keep us from finding Aemond.”

“Rhaenyra’s daughter is missing as well,” she reminded him. 

“And? She might know where Y/N is right now and will not tell us. She can have one of her guards put Aemond down and call it an accident.”

“Rhaenyra would never-”

“-She called his eye being removed an accident. I don’t see why she wouldn’t say the same if we found him…” she saw him gulp, and hold himself steady. “Whatever love you and her once shared died the day her bastards-”

“-Aegon!-

“-Took my younger brother’s eye.” 

Perhaps he was not as disinterested as she’d believed. Alicent caressed his cheek, and hugged him once more. His body relaxed in her embrace, his arms going around her in return. When she released him, she said, “We must believe Rhaenyra will do what she can to aid us. Remember, Ser Laenor is also searching, and he is a good, noble man. Finding both Aemond and Y/N is what is most important right now. Come,” she took his hand, “Let us go meet your sister and Ser Criston.”

****

A/N: Gosh, are they EVER going to find the babies? Let’s hope Aegon isn’t about to do anything stupid. As always, thanks for reading and I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter <3

[insanesonofabitch]

For everything there is a season. You made an exception for me. You’re different. For the first time, I feel… See, he has this weakness. He likes you. My superiors have begun to question my sympathies. Your sympathies? I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You. Dean and I do share a more profound bond. You think I came because you called? I came because this. …well, it’s nice to know what matters. It does help one to focus. I’m sorry, you had me confused with the other angel? The one in the dirty trench coat who’s in love with you? I’m holding up my end. Ah yes, because that’s all you’re holding, huh? See, the stench of that Impala’s all over your overcoat, angel. Thank you for protecting my wife. …your wife? Go ask him, he was your boyfriend first. Why should we give you anything? After everything you have taken from us? The very touch of you corrupts! When Castiel first laid a hand on you in hell he was lost!!! I’m not good luck, Dean. You know what, bottom of the ninth and you’re the only guy left in the bench? Sorry but I’d rather have you. Cursed or not….what? Well, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but I detect a note of forgiveness. Yeah, well, we’re probably gonna die tomorrow, so… Well I’ll go with you. Where’s the angel? You’ll find your angel there. Damn it’s good to see you! Nice peach fuzz. I prayed to you, Cas! Every night! I know. You know, and you didn’t—what the hell’s wrong with you? I’m an angel in a land of abomination. There have been things hunting me from the moment we arrived. Join the club! These are not just monsters, Dean. They’re leviathan. I have a price on my head and I’ve been trying to stay one step ahead of them to—to keep them away from you. That’s why I ran. Cas, we’re going home. If the leviathans wanna take a shot at us, let them! We’ve ganked those bitches once before we can do it again. Let me bottom-line it for you. I’m not leaving here without you. Buddy, I need you. Cas, it’s me. We’re family. We need you. I need you. Cas— I know you’re in there…I know you are. I forgive you, Cas. I—[redacted][redacted]. You see, I don’t trust angels. And yet, you haven’t warded this place against us… Oh, I know. You’re hoping Castiel would return to you. I admire your loyalty, I only wish he felt the same way. And after a rousing speech, his true weakness is revealed. He’s in love…with humanity. You gave us order, Castiel. And we gave you our trust. Don’t loose it over one man. The Angel tablet, arguably the most powerful instrument in the history of the universe is in pieces. And for what again? Oh, that’s right. To save Dean Winchester. Oh, that was your goal, right? I mean, you draped yourself in the flag of heaven…but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right? Clock’s ticking again, isn’t it? So heroic. Running errands all over the US, burning through that rather finite supply of grace all…in a desperate effort, to save your boyfriend. And then you’d kill the angel Castiel now that one—that, I suspect, would hurt something awful. Everyone you know, everyone you love…they could be long dead. Everyone except me. I’m the one who’ll have to watch you murder the world. Dean, stop… I don’t know, I mean, there’s things, people…feelings that I—I, I wanna experience differently than I have before. Or maybe even for the first time. …I’m just starting to think that, maybe there’s more it all than I thought. You wanna know the secret to living a long life? Actually yes I do. Follow your heart. You do that, all the rest just figures itself out. I can see inside your heart, feel the love you feel, except…it’s cloaked in shame. I’m gonna cure you of your human weakness, same way I cured my own. By cutting it out. You blast me away you blast away every angel in the room. I’ll survive. Castiel on the other hand, he’s hurt. He might live or he might just end up a bloody smear on the wall. Do it. Roll the dice…that’s what I thought. I just, uh, wanted to return this… It’s a gift. You keep those. It was under my pillow. He went into my room and he played me!

[i-fondued]

Ghost | Consumed by You - A SIS AU - Part Two

Part Two - The Second Time

Pairing: Multi/Swiss Army Ghoul x Reader/Sister of Sin; Established Copia x Sister of Sin x Terzo  Rating: Explicit Warnings: Smut, established relationships, and a sleepy hands ghoul

A/N: This takes place in the Sinners in Secret universe but I’d consider it an AU till the story is actually finished LOL. There will be a final part but i will not post it till after Sinners is done because it includes a major plot spoiler ahahaha

AO3 - HERE

It had been two months since Terzo and Copia had left for the US leg of their tour for the year. 

We had spoken on the phone every night before I’d go to bed, a sort of melancholy good-bye on either end. Terzo would always start the call full of energy, talking about the show either from that night or the night before. He’d tell me all about how people reacted to his antics and thrusting, teasing me, before he’d let Copia come on speaker phone and they would then ask me about my day. 

I’d give them some sort of report on the sibling or how Terzo’s brothers were doing. I’d tell them about how my library work was going, how I had to step in for the Clergy meeting since they were both gone. We’d always end the call telling each other how much we loved the others. I always had to hold back tears and try not to let them know I was missing them entirely too much. Once we hung up, which always took a lot of back and forth, I would slink off to my bed and curl up with the pillows they left behind for me. Even after two months of my routine of crying myself to sleep, they still smelled deeply of them. I always wondered how they managed it, thanking Lucifer every night. 

Once the first few tears would spill, the tight feeling in my throat finally becoming too powerful, I’d feel my ghoul slide into the bed with me. His deep warmth as his body, longer and larger than my own, curled around me comfortingly. His arms wrapped around my waist as he pulled me back against him, slotting perfectly together. I knew he could feel my sadness, that same pull of dark pain I felt in my chest he felt too, and Swiss couldn’t keep away from me in moments like this. 

It was late in the evening tonight as the band was on the other side of the country which in turn caused some time zone issues for our nightly phone calls. Swiss was dressed for bed and part of me felt guilty that I’d probably woken him. He was wearing a pair of black joggers and a thin black t-shirt, his unnatural body heat rolling off him and over me. I could feel his breath, warmer than a humans, as he rested his head on his arm to watch over me. He wasn’t wearing his mask which was something only I was treated too as his bonded master. 

I buried my face in Terzo’s pillow in my arms, my head on Copia’s, and took a deep shaky breath.

“I’m sorry.” I mumbled into the down pillow, Swiss moving to lay his head on my own pillow I’d shoved to the side. 

“For what, Kitten?” He sighed, voice thick with sleep as he used his pet name for me. 

“For waking you up with my moping…”

“You didn’t.” He yawned, chuckling slightly. “Okay maybe a little. But it's fine, promise. You know why?”

“Why?”

“Because your bed is way more comfy than mine.” His chuckle rumbled against my back as he hugged me tightly. “I swore I’d take care of you while they were gone, girl. I’m going to do just that.”

We hadn’t talked about the night before they left, both of us seeming to insist on actually avoiding it at every moment. Even if almost every other night ended with either Swiss in my bed or dreams of him in my bed mimicking what he’d watched me do weeks ago. I couldn’t help the blush spreading on my cheeks as I thought back to the other night, but forced myself to push the thoughts aside before Swiss felt them too. 

“Go to sleep sweetness.” He chucked, pressing a gentle kiss to my upper arm before he tucked me in. “It’s late and I need my beauty rest.”

I snorted but slowly but surely the feeling of warmth and gentle vibrations of his soft purring lulled me to sleep.

…

I felt his hands wandering as I woke slowly. 

My skin felt overheated as Swiss was curled around me, gently dragging his claw across the bare skin of my arm. I sighed as a shiver ran down my spine, my hips arching back against Swiss’. He growled, a low and rumbly sound, in my ear. The sound running down my spine as my cunt throbbed. I couldn’t help the gasp that slipped past my lips and turned my head to look back at him. 

“S-Swiss?” I whimpered, his hand reaching up to cup my cheek as I turned in his arms to face him. Our legs tangled together, his tail curling around my leg, as he tugged me close to him. “Wh-what are you doing?”

“What I should have done for years, Kitten.” He groaned as he rested his forehead against mine. 

Swiss seemed to be warring with himself as our sharp breaths mingled in the space between us for what felt like hours. My heart thrumming painfully in my chest as a blush spread over my face and chest as his dark eyes locked on mine before flickering down to my lips. Without thinking I licked my lips, he groaned before he moved. Hesitantly he pressed his lips softly to mine, a whisper like touch. Swiss pulled back from me and suddenly seemed worried, I felt him begin to slide away from me and I panicked.

Without a second thought I surged forward. My hands slipped around his neck as I tugged him to me, my lips parted to meet his before I whimpered as our lips met. Swiss growled deeply as he rolled from his side to lay almost on top of me, one of his legs between mine. Our kisses were tender at first, gentle and exploring new territories together. Quickly however they deepened as I tentatively took the lead and caressed his bottom lip with my tongue. He grunted, a shutter running through him, as he opened his mouth to me and coaxed my tongue to explore with his own. I gasped and arched up against him as he cupped one of my breasts in his hand, claw teasingly scraping against my peaked nipple. I was wearing a thin silk nightgown and could feel the heat of his hand clearly, my heart hammering at the sensation of his fingers. 

I dug my nails into his scalp, earring a hiss from my ghoul as he rocked against my hip and pushed his leg against my core. I moaned, arching off the mattress as my hips rolled against the firm muscle of his thigh as he pressed against me. Swiss trailed the kisses from the corner out my mouth down my jawline, from the sensitive spot by my ear down my throat. My hands wandered from his scalp and down his back as I threw one of my legs around his waist, tugging him to grind his cock against me. That had earned me a chuckle as his tongue left a burning hot trail from my pulse point to my collar bones. Swiss let his sharp canines scrape against my sensitive skin. I tugged at his t-shirt, desperate for the bare touch of his heated skin, and Swiss paused. 

“Eager for me, Kitten?” He teased as he sat up to his full height, tugging the shirt over his head and tossing it to the side. 

“Shut up.” I blushed and looked away from his heated dark eyes. It wasn’t till he tenderly cupped my cheek and turned my head to look back at him that I felt the familiar dull ache of lust between us. 

“Never.” He laughed before leaning back down to kiss me softly, his hands slipping the flimsy strap of my nightgown off my shoulders and tugging it down so he had more access to my skin. 

I had to fight the urge to wrap my arms around my chest, suddenly shy. He caught my wrist before I could even try, pressing gentle kisses to the inside of my wrists. 

“Don’t hide yourself from me, Darlin’…” He mumbled against my skin, tongue flicking against my pulse point in my wrist causing a shudder to run through me.

My breath was coming in short pants as I let my hands run down Swiss tone chest, his muscles flexing under my fingertips. Swiss helped me tug my nightgown over my head and tossed it to join his shirt on the floor. I laid beneath him in nothing but my underwear, chest heaving and a blush across my cheeks as he smirked. His dark eyes were soft as he settled between my legs and leaned down to press a gentle kiss to my lips again. 

Swiss pressed his weight onto me, slotting himself tightly to me as he ground his cock against my cunt. I gasped, arms wrapping around his broad shoulders as he trailed his kisses down my body, his long hot tongue curling around my nipples as he sucked and nipped at the pebbled flesh. I arched my back and moaned his name and let my fingers tug on the short curls at the base of his hairline. He hissed sharply before chuckling and sucked a love bite into my chest, in a spot that would be hidden to everyone but me. 

I relished the feeling of his hot skin against mine as he curled around me, sliding back up my body to rock against my core with a growl. I groaned, burying my face in his neck and pressed soft kisses. My own skin felt overheated as he enveloped me within his arms. 

“Please…” I whimpered as one of his strong hands gripped my hip tightly, firmly rocking me against him. 

“Please what, kitten?” Swiss purred, nuzzling my neck as his voice rumbled in my ear. 

“Swiss…” I whimpered, face flushing at the idea of having to tell him what I wanted from him. “Don’t tease me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Darlin’.” He chuckled, nipping my earlobe before he trailed kisses down my body. 

I felt him make his way from my collarbones, between my breasts and around my belly button. I gasped sharply as I felt his teeth scrape against my sensitive skin along the edge of my underwear waistband. I felt goosebumps break out over my skin and I shuttered as I looked down at Swiss. He was looking up at me with dark eyes, a smirk on his lips as his fingers slipped under the elastic at my hips and he tugged the thin bit of fabric down. His eyes were locked with mine as I panted, watching him tug the fabric off my legs and tossing them to the side. Swiss settled back between my legs and pressed a hot kiss to the inside of my knee.

I whined as I threw my head back, looking up at the canopy of my bed as I took in the sensations overwhelming my mind. I could feel red hot lust thrumming through my body, both my own and my ghoul’s, as his tongue joined his nipping of my flesh as he made his way from my knee down my thigh towards where I was aching for him. His hand firmly gripped my leg, holding it up like it weighed nothing, and he spread my thighs. I felt his hand wrap around my left thigh and he dug in his claws just shy of painfully. I knew I’d have little half moon marks in the morning.

“You’re so wet for me, Kitten.” Swiss purred, his warm breath caressing over my sensitive cunt as his free hand came to caress me with a feather-like touch. I cried out, my hands fisting the sheet below me. 

“Oh my god…” I mumbled absentmindedly as I looked down at my beloved ghoul, his arms wrapped around my thighs and smirking. “Swiss please…”

“Anything for you, sweetness…” He purred before using two fingers to spread my lips open for him. 

A thrill ran down my spine as I watched him press his lips against me, I squealed as he his tongue lapped flat against my dripping cunt, tongue teasing my clit before he sucked softly. I gasped, back arching off the bed as I writhed against his face. Firmly I felt his claws dig into my thighs as he held me in place with an unnatural level of strength. His long, hot tongue teased me at first, soft and slow laps against my sensitive flesh, but before long his hunger for me took over and I felt his control break slightly. He growled against me, vibrations shooting right to my cunt and I cried out, one hand coming to tangle in his hair as I rode his face. 

His fingers slipped inside me, my lust obvious from the wetness dripping from me. He hummed in pleasure as he sucked on my clit, fingers thrusting in and out of me lazily. I was panting and my eyes would barely stay open as I watched him grind against the mattress. Lust pooled in my bell, both mine and his, as I watched him grow more and more animalistic as he ate me out. He curled his fingers in time with the rhythm of his tongue flickering at my clit. 

I was whining incoherently at him, hips grinding against his face as he growled. I slung one leg over his shoulder and I dug my heel into his back as he curled his tongue around my clit before sucking slightly. I swore under my breath as his eyes locked with mine again, a blush spreading over my cheeks at the adoration in his eyes combined with pure lust. I felt Swiss curl his fingers curl and brush against the spot inside me that made me see stars and I let out a strangled moan, throwing my head back before my hips writhed against him. I felt him smirk as he worked me back towards the edge before slowing down, torturing me. I was a sobbing mess on the bed as he teased me, my fingers clenching his hair as I tried to force him to let me finally tumble over into my orgasm. 

“P-please Swiss.” I whimpered, just shy of actual tears in my eyes as I felt the swell of my orgasm approaching again. I felt him moan between my thighs, his tail swishing back and forth in an agitated motion.

“I can’t ever say no to you…” He purred against my slick skin, fingers curling towards that hidden spot deep inside me. “Not when you beg for it so nicely.”

Swiss quickly increased the pace of his fingers, curling towards the spot that made my legs twitch and breath pant. His tongue flicked against my clit in time with his thrusts and I could feel him grinding into the mattress as he growled possessively into my dripping cunt. A few more swirls of his long tongue and I was falling over into the abyss of my orgasm. I tugged on his hair, practically screaming his name, as I rode his face and dug my heel into his shoulder. I felt a white hot explosion in my belly as I writhed through my pleasure, Swiss’ tongue lazily brushing against my clit as I came back to reality again. 

I looked down at Swiss as I panted, a lazy smile on my face as he sat up on his elbows with a smirk. His chin was almost dripping with my wetness, he locked eyes with me as he ran his thumb over his chin before sucking it into his mouth. I blushed as a tendril of heat curled around in my belly. I knew he felt it too, he laughed and crawled up to press his lips against mine softly.

“Don’t worry, Darlin’… I’m not finished with you…” His voice was low and rough as he hooked one of my legs with his forearm and threw it over his shoulder. 

I watched him as he tugged his joggers low on his hips, cock slipping free from the confines of the fabric. He smirked again, pressing a soft kiss to my thigh that was resting against his shoulder as he stroked his cock. I felt my mouth go dry as he tilted his hips forward and grinned against me. I whimpered, hands reaching out to tug him down to me. My knee was pressed almost to my chest as we kissed again. Our tongues met between painted breaths and moans, I ran my nails down his back earning a hiss as Swiss rolled my bottom lip between his teeth. 

“Fuck,” He groaned, pushing the head of his cock inside me slowly as he rested his large hands on either side of my head as he loomed over me. “You feel better than I imagined, Darlin’…”

I gasped as he surged forward, sinking all the way inside me, and resting on his elbows as he rubbed his body against me as he set a torturously slow pace. He fucked me gently, tenderly almost. Swiss buried his face in my neck, his hot breath causing goosebumps to run over my skin as I panted. My arms wrapped around his broad shoulders, my free leg curling around his hips as I rocked my hips to meet his thrusts. 

Burning hot heat slipped through my bloodstream, I could feel the dull ache of Swiss’ lust along with the pulse of my own. It almost felt too much in the moment, us locked together as we chased our climax in each other’s arms. Swiss cupped my cheek and his fingers tilted my jaw to kiss me softly as he rocked in and out of me. I gasped, nails digging into his shoulders as he shifted and changed the angle. His cock hit the deep, sensitive spot inside me and I shuddered under him. 

“Oh kitten…” He groaned, pressing his forehead against mine and his horns knocked against my head as he rubbed against me. “You feel so good. Fuck…”

His hand slid from where they had been to caress my arms, sliding up my forearms and taking my hands. Swiss’ fingers tangled with mine as he took my hands and pinned them above my head, snapping his hips more roughly. I turned my head and buried it in his neck, panting as he began to pick up his pace. I panted into his neck, pressing soft kisses to his flushed skin. He was making the most dangerous sound in my ear, growling and panting like a beast in heat and I moaned as he bit down on the tendons between my neck and shoulder. Swis snapped his hips roughly, growling and marking me with his teeth and lips. 

“Fuck, Swiss p-please.” I gasped as my cunt clenched him tightly, the coil in my belly twisting tightly as I edge closer to my climax. 

“Please what, sweetness?” He purred, hand releasing one of mine and curling around my neck as he pulled back to look me in the eyes, not missing a beat in the pace he’d set. “What do you want?”

“Y-you.” I whimpered, cheeks flushing as I let my free hand come and cup my breast, rolling the nipple between my fingers. 

Swiss growled, I could see his tail flicking behind him. He pulled out of me entirely and, with ghoul reflexes and strength, he flipped me onto all fours. Before I could even protest, he gripped my hips tightly and slid back into me. I gasped, arching my back and looking back over my shoulder as he snarled. I shuttered under him, one of Swiss’ hands came to press on my lower back and sink me lower. He began to fuck me hard, my hand reaching out to push against the headboard so I wouldn’t slip away from the feral ghoul. 

He curved his body around me as one hand gripped my shoulder tightly, claws digging into my skin, and the other slipped between my legs to tease my clit. I cried out his name in the quiet of the night, rocking back to meet his thrusts and writhe against his fingers delving into my cunt. I felt his tail curl around my thigh possessively, anchoring me to him as he snapped his hips in quick thrusts. I could feel the lust and passion swirling around my blood stream before settling behind my belly button. 

“Swiss…Swiss please…” I begged, fisting the sheets in my clenching fists. 

“Come for me, baby.” He purred as he curled around me, slotting against me like he was made for me. He nipped at my sensitive spot by my ear as he spoke. “Let me hear you scream for me.”

I whimpered as I buried my face in the pillows as his fingers swirled my clit a few more times before my climax hit me suddenly. I moaned loudly, arching back against Swiss as his hand curled around my throat and he hauled me up, still drilling into me with his cock. Another few frantic thrusts and felt the red hot heat bloom through my blood again, curling and teasing me through my aftershocks. Swiss wrapped his arms around my waist tightly, as he snapped his hips deep inside of me. He let out an inhuman growl that caused goosebumps to break out over my skin. 

“My master…” He hissed before biting my shoulder sharply, his fangs digging into my skin almost to the point of drawing blood. I shuttered as I rocked against him, eyes slipping closed saitedly. “Mine…”

He pinned me on his cock, hips flush against mine as I felt him shudder his release inside of me. I felt the swell of his cock as he rocked through his orgasm, a blush spreading across my cheeks as I realized he’d cum inside me…and knotted me. 

Swiss was completely unbothered however. He ran his hands up and down my sides tenderly, pressing soft kisses to my neck and shoulders as he caressed me. I panted, chest heaving, as I felt the after effects of my own orgasm mixed with the tendrils of Swiss’ running through me. 

“Woah…” was all I could manage to mumble as I fought to stay awake. I could feel Swiss’ rumbly laughter as he cupped my cheek and turned my face to look back at him. 

“Woah indeed, Darlin’.” He purred, sucking on my bottom lip as he rocked against me. 

He laid us down, arms still wrapped tightly around my waist, and nuzzled into my shoulder blades as he pressed soft kisses and ran his hands over my hip and waist. 

“Don’t be falling asleep on me, girl.” He teased, I laughed even though my eyes were closed. “I’ve still got another round in me.”

“I’m just closing my eyes, we're stuck together for at least a few more minutes.” I yawned, curling back against him. Before I could even hear a response I felt myself drift off, enveloped in his warmth

…

Vaguely I was aware I had woken up. 

If I was being truthful I couldn’t remember which was the dream and what was real life. All I was aware of was the sunshine drifting in from the windows, showing how late in the day it was, and the feeling of someone rocking against me. Someone rocking their raging hard-on against my ass. 

A blush spread over my cheeks as I remember who exactly I was in bed with. I tried to turn in Swiss arms, trying to give us some distance, but he growled in his sleep and tugged me to him again. His hand gripped my hip tightly and rolled us forward slightly. 

He was practically on top of me, pushing my body into the mattress possessively and growling in my ear. I whimpered and shuttered, cheeks flushed and squeezed my thighs together to try and get some relief; between what was happening and the dream I was dripping wet already this morning. 

“S-Swiss?” I squirmed, voice practically a whisper as one of his large hot hands came up to cup my breast. “Swiss…wake up…”

“Mm, Kitten.” He groaned, grinding against my ass and shoving his knee between my thighs like he had in my dream. He was starting to wake slightly as he started to take his weight off me, a part of me was aching to bed him not to stop. 

“Swiss…” I panted, arching back to try and wake him but also get a little friction. “Swiss wake up.”

He pulled back entirely, suddenly seeming to understand what was going on and I had to bite back a moan. Swiss scrambled away from me, his face actually flushing as the realization set in. I rolled over with a shy blush on my face and tried to reassure him.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. It was just a dream.” I said, hand out calmly. 

“I-I’m sorry Darlin’…I don’t quite know what came over me.” 

“I-it’s okay, you were asleep. No harm, no foul!” I laughed awkwardly as my face continued to deepen in various shades of pinks and reds. I slipped from the bed and grabbed a towel from the closet before heading towards the bathroom. “I-I’m, uh, just going to get ready for the day before breakfast!”

I was not running away from the super sexy, sleep disheveled ghoul with a raging hard cock sitting in my bed with my cunt throbbed. That wasn’t it at all. 

I didn’t even wait for him to say anything, I just slammed the door behind me and hopped right into the cold shower.

[hisuian-history-makers]

Throughout my years of being a Pokémon fan (and other fandoms fan), I have come up with several ideas for stories I wanted to write. Who hasn’t humored the thought of translating their ideas to reality. Except putting yourself out there is extremely nerve-wracking. Even more so when you are a somewhat perfectionist like myself. Improper grammar/capitalization can make potential readers not want to read fanfics. And I am not nitpicking the occasional errors.

To name a few: using too many commas, repetitive word choice, improper grammar, uncapitalized words throughout the entire story, thick blocks of text when you need to break up paragraphs, etc… You get the point. The last one seriously makes me mad because I will lose my place in a chapter. I understand the first drafts won’t be perfect from the get-go, but them not improving frustrates me. What I am trying to get at is writing something you are satisfied with is harder than it sounds.

Moving onto the main point of this post. The Pokémon world’s floating timeline presents a unique problem. Whether it is the eternal summer of the Anime or games remakes making concrete events more vague. I’m not going into the darker Manga events since I barely know them. It tends to be different from our own in many ways besides super powered creatures. Here are some questions I ask myself whenever I think up any fanfic ideas.

—Do all individuals of a species look the same? {Pokémon look like mirror copies no matter how many you catch in the games. I would like to think there are other appearance traits than the bigger size. Maybe some have shaggier fur, longer claws, and different colors besides being shiny considering the genetic diversity.}

—Why do some people have Pokémon before being ten years old? {We know being ten is the minimum requirement to take on the league. Yet we see visibly younger kids have Pokémon in several other regions. I think ten is the youngest age you are allowed to be to compete in official tournaments. Ash had a trainer’s license in the Anime which might relate to this.}

—Are talented/prodigy trainers granted special privileges? {In a short answer, yes. We see very young trainers like Tate and Liza appointed to co-gym leader status. It seems talented trainers are very sought after in the Pokémon world. The youngest high-ranking trainer has to be (SPOILERS) the Paldea’s Poppy. Her attitude and visible appearance make me think she is five to six years old. Poppy is strong enough to hold an Elite Four position in the game!}

—Why are we made the new champion after beating the old one? {This is one of the few things about the games that genuinely annoys me. We are not only the strongest trainer in-region but given a high authority position. League champions appear to be people who rank first in the tournament. What would make more sense is the former champion mentors whoever beat them for a few years. Champions hold the highest authority being able to go to places too dangerous for average trainers.}

—What exactly are Legendaries/Mythicals? {Not the easiest question to answer so let’s go over the basics. All species have the strength of fully-evolved dragon types. Each has a job to do in the world, some more important than others considering what they represent. One's like the Creation Trio and Arceus are actual real gods. Giratina itself was described as eldritch. People can go their whole lives without seeing one in any continuity. A lucky few can catch them and they will actually listen to orders.}

—Is it legal to have a Legendary Pokémon considering how important they are? {When you take into account their sheer strength and abilities this is a grey area. We catch the region’s legendaries/mythical in every game. I have personally used at least one box legend on teams to beat the Elite Four. In the universe though how often does this genuinely happen? Where they bond enough to let themselves be caught by a mortal. It would be so easy for Groudon or Yveltal to just kill us if they didn’t want to listen... Are there rules for this? A limit to how many you can use on a team. Does the trainer have to let the league know they have one if they take on the Pokémon League? Look at how easily Tobias swept the gym challenge.}

—How advanced is the technology? {Another odd area so rarely addressed in the Pokemon World. Bags, a staple thing, can hold several items including Bikes in them without weighing us down. Pokemon are transported by digitizing them across the internet/electric lines. Centers can heal our pokémon with a machine in just a few seconds. Teleport tiles have existed since the first freaking generation! The Pokemon World is much more advanced than our own. I would say they focused on medicine, science, and transportation the most.}

—Is battling similar to animal fighting? {PETA has kicked up enough fuss over the years when it comes to the Pokémon franchise. The games have shown that trainers make friends with their Pokémon enough to affect battles. Some even shrug off status effects to not worry the trainer. There are cases of Pokémon abuse and abandonment in the series. Yet tend to be much rarer than our cases in our world. Besides, wild Pokémon will battle to get stronger.}

—Are there any real-world animals? {Evidence for this is present when you look at species classifications. Cats, dogs, mice, crocodiles, and others like that are found in dex entries. Fish were seen in the anime’s early episodes. Pidgeotto ate an actual worm before Ash caught it... So kinda. Smaller animals seem to inhabit the Pokémon World from what we’ve seen. Makes the food situation less grim.}

—What is pokémon training actually like? {I imagine that it’s far less glamorous than the games show. Camping for months on end without access to showers. Having to feed six super-powered creatures three times a day. Not to mention having an unstable budget to rely on. I pity those who repeatedly lose.}

Now questions I don’t have answers/ headcanons/theories on currently.

—What was the Pokémon World’s reaction to parallel dimensions being real? Ultra Space

—Why are there two different types of Rangers? One that uses poke balls and one using stylers.

—Is time travel a somewhat regular occurrence and do people watch for timeline changes? The Hisui situation is not subtle with there being Porygon in the pokédex. Time-space distortions might appear in the modern day.

—Are humans in there more durable than us? Ash gets hit by Pokémon moves and Lance hyper-beamed someone in Mahogany Town.

—How can friendship be quantified?

—What’s the yearly number of Pokémon killing humans?

—Are psychics employed as lie detectors?

—Is it wrong for a psychic to read minds?

—Do mediums need special training?

—How do non-Pokémon related careers fare in a Pokemon training-focused world?

—Does ditto breeding have any side effects?

—What requirements are there to become a gym leader? Why is it only one gym per town?

—Can a trainer be charged with murder if one of their Pokémon kills a human in self-defense?

—Are there blacklisted species against the law to be trained without licenses?

—What happens to all the less-than-ideal babies from IV breeding? Shiny breeding?

—Where do Pokémon eggs actually come from?

—How often are Pokémon actually injured to the point if bleeding?

—Why does this crazy world let ten-year-olds wander in the wilderness?

—Are the evil teams' schemes years in the making? What were they thinking messing with the God-like Legendaries?

—How much does the league tell the public about us stopping evil teams?

—Are the additional non-native encounters in remakes caused by the Legendary Pokémon raging? Mass migrations away from danger.

—Can they take away our legendary Pokemon?

—Do the legendaries have cult followings?

—Would using Mega Evolution or Z-Moves to battle trainers who can’t be considered unfair?

—How rare is the ability to talk to Pokémon?

—Do badges/ribbons expire?

—Is evolving less maturing than just growing stronger? Can evolved mons still be immature?

—Are atheists a thing in the Pokemon world?

—How many grimdark or nuzlucke stories are just dark timelines?

—What if Legendaries are classified as genderless because nobody has studied them?

—Do Pokémon have to be re-caught if the trainer wants to switch their poke ball type?

—How rare are evolution items?

—How do TMs teach Pokemon new moves?

—Are ghost types immortal?

—What happens to Orre during the time skip?

—Does Ash age or is he stuck at ten?

—When does Ingo get sucked into the past?

—How long was he there before we show up?

—How do trade evolutions occur wild?

—Do we control the player character to save the region?

—What weapons if any exist in that world?

—How old are the Champions?

---------

I ask myself these when I consider any future stories history and worldbuilding. Hope to one day write quality fanfic that avoids the cliches.

[cheolbinsart]

BIN-ah, thank you for everything you've done for #ASTRO, for sincerely giving love to us, #AROHA. Thank you for making us happy and loved in your own way. Every moment with you will forever live on our hearts and minds. You're forever my favorite person, you're irreplaceable. From my heart, I love you 🖤

AROHA, we all loved #MOONBIN, right?? We've loved him because of how humanly he was. Words aren't enough to express of how much grateful we all are for having to know such a person like him. He may be gone for now, but please, let's never ever forget him. Let's grieve for now, and heal on our own times, in our own ways. If you need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to. We can even DM each other should you want to. Let's keep loving Bin, let's always remember him and while doing that, let's not forget to take care of ourselves as he won't want something bad to happen to his universe 🖤💜

To #MOONBIN's Mom and Dad, I am truly thankful that you've brought into this world such a very, very loving, kind, selfless person. Thank you for supporting him achieve his dreams. ROHA will be here protecting you the same way he did you. Please stay strong.

Our dear #SUA, I can't imagine the pain you're feeling - losing not only a brother but also someone you've looked up to since you were kids. Stay strong too, okay? Not only that you gave your 6 Billie sisters, but you also now have 5 brothers in the person of ASTRO, the ones who became family with him when he was away from home. I'm sure that you'll be able to care for you the same way your Binnie-oppa did. We too will be here for you.

To our dear ASTRO members, we pray that you all stay strong and stick together. You've all been through so much together - that's why it's more heart-breaking to lose someone who became family to you. You trained together, spent time together, lived and debuted together, you've all bonded and stated together both on the best and worst times. Sadly, it'll be different now, it won't be the same without that fun-loving, hardworking MOON. Cry if you want to, tell AROHA your worries, your concerns - all when you are ready. We'll always be here patiently waiting for you all.

Leadernim, #JINJIN... We understand that you may be confused right now, however I hope that you keep it together and be strong. Bin may love teasing you but we know how much he loves and respects you. Thank you for being patient with him and his crazy antics. Thank you for being there at times when he needed someone to talk to, for listening to him. Things are different now that you'll be the one to look into the sky and would want to talk to him.

#MJ, our dear Bin's M-hyung.. This must have been do hard for you. I cannot imagine how you're feeling - you leaned a lot on BIN but now, he's resting peacefully in a tranquil place. Thank you for always keeping up with him and baby-ing him.

#EUNWOO-sshi, I pray that you're staying as one of the strongest. Thank you for being a true, true friend and brother to him - your tight friendship was more than that, he became your best friend and you were each other's confidant. Thank you for staying by his side, talking to him just when he needed someone the most. Bin was the happiest whenever he gets to see and be with you. He may be finally resting in love now, but we'll surely see him on the next life, right???

#ROCKY, you've been in the group the longest with Bin - making you both ASTRO's ancestor line. You've known him the longest as you've trained together since you were kids. I could never imagine how you feel - as Bin and you have been together for almost half of your lives. I hope you stay strong, the dependable rock we all know. Be complete once again in the next life.

Our dearest maknae, #SANHA-ya. You've been with your Bin-hyung the longest. You've worked together so long, performed on a lot of stages together halfway around the world. And heartbreakingly, you won't be able to be with him like you used to for almost everyday. Thank you for being by his side. I hope that there will be someone who'll be beside you, someone you'd be able to talk to and do take your time to heal. AROHAs will always be here for all of you. We'll stay by your side, you can talk to us for as long as you want and we'll listen.

To BIN's closest friends, colleagues and everyone who has closely worked with him and to those who have witnessed of how a pure, fun, happy, caring, loving, polite and gentle and hardworking person that he was, I pray for everyone to be strong and still care for yourselves - be healthy. It's what he'd want for sure. I hope that you have someone by your side as letting go of someone so close to your heart is and will never be easy.

Let's all stay strong and remember always of how beautiful person MOON BIN is and always will be.

You'll always be in our hearts, #MOONBIN. You will always be alive in our hearts. Until we meet again, my love 🖤

[exhaustedbastard]

assorted spoilery ramblings re: tlou 1x09

i know some people were worried episode 9 would feel rushed and. shit fucking damn i see why! i know they were trying to stay true to the game but feel like there should have been at Least one episode between 8 and 9. i want to see how ellie responds to the Incredibly Traumatic Experience(s) of episode 8! Neil and Craig have acknowledged that TV as a medium allows for more exploration of the internal, emotional elements of the story (see joel’s panic attacks). at the start of ep 9 ellie and joel are different people than they were before shit hit the fan in Colorado; things have changed, and those changes matter! but we barely even scratch the surface of any! it’s clear there has been a time skip, based on the weather in Salt Lake City (which is north of boulder, colorado, where fandomwiki says The University is). it’s the same thing that happened with sarah and henry and sam’s deaths—we skip most of the digestion, the processing, the grief; and maybe we see for a second that something has changed, but we’re not allowed to spend any time with the characters as they figure out what has changed—we fast forward through that into the next plot point.

like, joel opening up about sarah and his fucking feelings about her is a big step! and we don’t really see him choose to take it! for his part, we don’t see him agonizing over whether to tell ellie and how to tell ellie. it doesn’t even seem hard for him to tell her! he just implies that their trauma bond fixed him enough to talk openly about it?and for ellie’s part: joel clearly concluded that she is suicidal, and she does nothing to dispute that—that’s a monumental update to ellie’s story, but it’s crammed aside in favor of joel’s perspective and montage. the story is saying ‘ellie matters! her feelings matter!’. (hell, our understanding of what she would feel if she knew the truth about the cure situation is a main point of tension in the episode!) but the storytelling is saying ‘actually you don’t really need to see ellie’s response—joel knows she’s sad, and more importantly, Joel is having new feelings and he has the plot-steering wheel now!’

also, i wish we had some flashbacks showing us what joel and tess did before ellie. we see glimpses of his less than hinged side, but this still feels like a different level of violence. also the tone here feels way more like video game violence; other episodes have gone out of their way to adapt it into something more serious and grounded (e.g. joel just getting stabbed instead of falling out out of a second story window onto rebar) and they’ve gone out of their way to portray antagonists as people (like creating Kathleen instead of keeping the faceless fedra agents). but all of a sudden this is a hospital full of targets. not people. one thing i love about craig mazin’s writing is the feeling that every character has a perspective we could look through, and that that’s worth doing even when it means the plot stands still for a minute (see episode 3).

idk i feel like if they’re gonna have joel go off and kill a bunch of people they should fucking commit! show us that every single person he killed was a person! maybe there is something to be said about the episode’s single-minded focus on joel’s pov mirroring joel’s single-minded focus on getting to ellie, but i feel like it was done at the expense of the tone and the rest of the story.

and i think the rest of the story matters.

[ledenews]

Academic Goals in Place in Brooke County Schools

The new academic year has started with a lot of excitement inside Brooke County Schools, but the last thing Superintendent Jeff Crook plans to do is ignore state testing scores and the need for immediate improvement. The scores for last year’s standardized testing were released and distributed to the state’s 55 county school systems about a month ago and Crook has analyzed the good with the bad. Overall, language arts improved, and math remained close to the same, but Crook is addressing high school mathematics and reading instruction throughout the district. “We have had conversations with both our students and our staff about the scores because it’s something we need to figure out. We know our kids are better than the math scores they put up, and better in every other category, too,” Crook said. “We know they have the classes, and they have success in those classes, so that’s why we’re talking to them and paying attention to their scores so we know where they need to improve the most. Grandparents Day was held last week in the Brooke County Schools, and the event was well attended at all schools. “That’s our job,” he said. “So, we’re doing what it takes while knowing we had a lot of students do very, very well on their tests. We have contracted the Khan Academy for online math help for our students, and we just have to reach more of the kids and that’s what we’re going to do. I believe we’ll see a significant jump in the scores in the near future.” Crook has addressed the district’s reading programs, as well, by visiting the schools, observing teachers, and interacting with students as often as possible. “I know the work is being done, but I think it’s a shame that one test on one day is the measurement,” he explained. “So, we’re continuing our reading initiative that was developed at Johns Hopkins University, and we’re working on all of our other academic programs. “We’ve learned in public education that addressing the individual student is the best way to manage education, so that’s what we’re doing. And we all know we have to work on our SAT scores, too, by covering the material and talking about the testing,” he said. “It’s our job in education to get our kids ready for the next level, and we do our best here in Brooke County to make that a great experience.” The end goal is commencement, of course, and the Brooke school system graduated more than 300 seniors back in May. Determined Minds and Happy Faces He’s seen smiles and he’s heard laughter. “Ya know, that happens more often than most people think,” Crook said. “School has changed a lot since I was a student because I don’t remember having much fun in class. Thank goodness we’ve learned a lot of lessons in education. “When you make learning fun, learning happens without anyone knowing it.” There are a little more than 2,500 students in the Brooke County Schools system, and the student-to-teacher ratio is right around 14 to one. The district maintains seven school buildings, all of which have been updated thanks to the taxpayers of Brooke County, and Crook and Assistant Corey Murphy have spent most of their time this month visiting with staff and students. “The beginning of the school has progressed very smoothly. We had a nice opening, a great first few weeks of school, and it sure seems like there’s a lot of enthusiasm about what we’re doing in Brooke County,” the superintendent explained. “It’s great when you see the students excited about coming back to school so they can see their friends, sure, but also to continue their education. Dr. Jeffrey Crook has implemented several initiatives in the system's reading and math programs, and he's looking forward to witnessing progress this academic year. “Our teachers have connections with their students, and the same is true with the coaches and our student-athletes. Those bonds mean more than anything on paper,” he said. “I hope everyone had a terrific summer break, but now we’re back to normal and back to the learning.” One program that may not show up with the state SAT results, Crook reminded, is Brooke High’s career technical education. Under the leadership of Mike Berner, several students each year have been graduated totally prepared for a career in the local trades.   “Our Career Tech program is very strong,” Crook insisted. “Engineering, welding, auto mechanics … all of those classes have seen an increase since last year, and we’ve also partnered with West Virginia Northern so our students can participate in the joint technical programs. “That means one of our students can graduate with a high school diploma and an associate degree in welding or something else,” he explained. “That puts our student ahead in this world, and any time you can get that kind of advantage, you have to take it, and the same is true with our Brooke Collegiate Academy because our students can take college courses and earn those credits at the same time in high school.” Read the full article

[tigre-edi-rawr]

The Indecipherable-Enigmatic Faith of this Love Story

I will share a 2013-2023 story... should I say in the making?

This is about my ex boyfriend in high school, let's just call him 'Anj'. The post above is about him. It's not really all the context, so I think this is the right time to update this because it is fucking strange to me. Up until now, it's fucking confusing.

He was the best man I never had in the end. He was the standard, entirely what I want in a man.

He made my high school days special and unforgettable. Puppy love story ng mga high schoolers. I was contented. I do not remember why we broke up before going to college but we did. I remember taking Psychology for my first year in college, and I never wanted anyone but him in a room full of interesting men. Kahit sobrang daming umaaligid, nagpaparamdam, nagpapaalam na gusto ako, I don't care. So I stayed single for a year, bukambibig ko parin siya sa mga kaibigan ko. Palagi akong may kwento tungkol sakaniya kaya parang hindi rin siya nawala sakin, kasi baon ko parin lahat. We're not talking much nitong mga panahon na 'to. Siguro from time to time lang, once every couple of months.

After one year of taking BS Psychology, I was able to shift to my dream course, BS Electronics and Communication Engineering. Bestie, sobrang daming pogi! Ang daming very attractive kasi ang talino talaga. But at the same time, it was a lot of pressure because it's not just my dream to finish this course but as well as my father's. I was able to move on during this time, busy ako sa acads and finally I got to accept things pero I am still thinking of him from time to time. I was certain I'm okay. Until hindi ko na siya nasagi sa isip ko.

One time, my friend invited me to join them, pupunta daw sa MCL (he was enrolled in this university at the time) kasi may banda na tutugtog. Up Dharma Down! Ito yata yung time na maingay mga musika nila, kaya tuwang-tuwa ako at excited pumunta. Di ko naisip kahit isang beses na mangyayari yung hindi ko inaasahan...

I was standing at an enormous football field at MCL. I was facing the court area where the band will perform. Until suddenly, people walk past me and my friends.

I looked at them, it was him.

I am certain it was him. Nanginginig ako nito, hindi ko alam yung sasabihin ko, I remember just making noise of excitement until I became shocked and quiet. My friends are asking me what it is, words seems having trouble getting out of my mouth. My eyes are fixated in their way. He was with 2 girls and a boy who is a high-school friend of ours. They looked like a group of couples who will watch UDD to perform that night, it crushed me. I won't forget about this memory because this became the waking up call that I still love him and I don't want to lose him for good. I think I reached out to him, we talked, I convinced him to take me back and make us work. And though at first he didn't want to, we ended up getting back together. I was living the dream.

He was always at my place. We had a lot of fun, conversation, understanding, love and memories. Every puzzle perfectly fits. He would always help me with my papers, he would usually stay past midnight. Even if we can't talk or bond, he would just stay beside me while I finish all the things I needed for school the next day. After that, we would make out all night, and I don't know why but we didn't get tired of kissing for hours.

But things were a lot for me that time. I was having a hard time to keep up with my future, academics, and having to maintain the relationship as well. Napagod ako. Narindi ako. Nahirapan ako kasi sobrang hirap maging panganay. I remember failing a subject and had to choose if I should focus on my acads or have him still. I chose to let him go and focus on my future.

That was the very last time he was really mine.

But he never left.

Technically, he never did. I met someone, the 4-year toxic relationship? He saved me multiple times in that relationship. When I felt like I want everything to stop and be loved the right way, I will break up with 4-year toxic relationship then he will be there to comfort me every time. He became my knight and shining armor. He never questioned anything, accepted me open arms and loved me like how I deserve and wanted to be loved. Pero yung gagong ako, babalik kay 4-years na toxic dahil "mahal ko". This cycle happened many times, yeah, I know. Manggagamit ako, gago, mapagsamantala, malandi, name it. But that was never my intention.

Every time I will go back to Anj, it felt like it was the right thing or it was all I ever wanted. I always thought it was the right decision until I miss my ex and can't forget about my 4-year ex then it will be a miserable situation for me again.

Anj became the standard. He was the living representation of the kind of man I wanted in life, that is true hanggang ngayon. Until now, no one have lived up to that or past that. But the timing was never right, time was never kind to us. By the time we are able to go back together, I was not in love with him anymore. It was the most cruel realization I had to experience. He was just an idea, the standard, a memory, someone who I know will take good care of me and love me no matter what. In short, wala na akong mahihiling pa. Pero hindi na siya yung mahal ko.

I tried my best to stop talking to him, okay man ako o hindi. Ayoko nang sagipin, manggamit ng tao at manamantala ng kahinaan. Kahit pa hindi ganon yung intensyon ko, ayoko na manakit ng tao dahil hindi ako sigurado o dahil magulo akong tao. And I did.

The indecipherable-enigmatic faith of this love story starts here...

From time to time, maalala ko parin siya. Maraming beses na iniisip ko sana siya nalang, kami nalang ulit. Kapag naalala ko siya, iniisip ko kung kami talaga, kami talaga. Gaya noon, gagawa ng paraan ang pagkakataon para pagtagpuin kami ulit. Sobrang lakas ng kutob ko na mangyayari yon sa tamang panahon. Naghihintay lang ako ng tamang panahon, kung mangyayari man.

Why do I think that? You might ask. Here's why:

I still dream about him sometimes, and wake up feeling confused and heavy the entire day. I was not even thinking of him, but he will visit my dream out of nowhere.

I will remember him sometimes because of a thing, a place or anything that holds any memory of us or him.

When I am hurting, I always think of him and say to myself "kung si Anj to, he knows too well kung paano ako mahalin at kung paano ako i-handle." Or "kung si Anj to hindi niya ako sasaktan ng ganito"

Minsan bigla ko nalang siyang maalala, tapos mag-iisip ako na ano nanaman bang ibigsabihin ng lahat ng to! Ang gulo-gulo. Tapos biglang may matatanggap ako na chat or mail from him. Para bang hindi na co-incidence eh, kasi napakaimpossible naman na mabasa niya yung nasa utak ko tapos bigla siyang magpaparamdam out of nowhere.

Kapag single ako, hindi ko alam kung paanong palaging yung timing niya sobrang sakto. Bigla siyang mangangamusta or magpaparamdam lang pero mawawala siya ulit.

Napakaraming signs which are confusing me right now. Especially I wanted to enjoy being single for a long time and focus on myself. This doesn't help at all. My hopeless romantic ass are enjoying it too much.

[edelaaa]

February 05, 2023

Now I’m back...

Hi Lord, I’m back. I’m sorry if I didn’t keep my journal here updated. I have alot of things exciting to tell you. When I came back home last January 2021, I took a rest at home and spend more time with my family, I realized how a lot of things has change. My parents are not getting younger anymore, our house doesn’t look new anymore, EJ and Thea are growing so fast ( I miss when they are so little), Baguio feels the same but it look different, and many people are everywhere. I was able to attend my Ate Wina and Kuya Kevin wedding, which I thought I cannot attend. I guess this is also the reason why you let me go home. There’s a lot of things I'm thankful for you Lord. 

The bond between me and Leo become stronger since we’re together everyday. I don’t know if he’s getting tired of seeing me. Lol. He’s very supportive on my decisions and always make sure that I’m happy. Though sometimes there are small quarrels which is normal for every relationship but we still manage it. I'm glad that both of our families are okay with us. 

Ate Glyn and I decided to do online live selling which is not as easy as it looks. It takes time, hardwork and effort to do it but we actually enjoyed it since we are really earning from it. I also tried to look for jobs everywhere and I got a job in University of the Philippines because my mama’s friend’s husband is a head in a department where I will be working. I’m assigned in Supply and Property Management Office as a Research Assistant. I know some of my workmates doesn’t like me, I still stayed because you know how patience I 'am at work. My every day life looks the same all the time. Papa will send us at work (BGH then UP) then Leo will pick me up and have dinner after work. I felt like a normal employee again having 8AM to 5PM shift, sometimes its busy and sometimes I don’t do anything. The work is actually fine, more on paperwork and dealing with different people. It’s really a great experience for me and learning something new. I glad I met new friends and people that helped me especially sir Rod who is very understanding and patience. 

Then Qr finally called me!!! Good thing I’m at home doing the work-from-home set up, I was able to pick up the phone. If only you could imagine my happiness during that time. A lot of us rejoiners received it and some went back to Doha very quick. But for us filipinas/filipinos we waited for few months. But I just trust the process that I will be back to flying very soon. I know there’s a good reason for the delay. From that time I know that I needed to spend more time with my love ones because I will be an OFW again. I know its very sad to go far away but I have to. I’m doing this for them. I saw them how happy they were when I told them the good news. 

May 24th 2022, I left my home again to pursue my dreams again. I know from the start that I will be back to flying. Thank you Lord for giving me more time to spend with family and letting me spread my wings again. Now, I enjoy what I’m doing. I can’t thank you enough for all the blessings Lord. You’re truly amazing! I love you! 

[theramseyloft]

Cognitive and social information to make selecting, bonding with, and training your pigeon easier:

There are lots of things I can go into more detail on, but here are the hows and whys of pigeon cognition and sociology that form the basis of our research into communication and Therapy work, laid out as a guide to building your relationship with your bird, starting with generalities universal to the species, and ending with an in depth look at the mechanics behind the typical behaviors and temperaments of cocks vs hens and what to expect.

Though they are extremely social outside nest space, Pigeons, whether cock or hen, are life-or-death viciously territorial of their specific nest space.

For reference: 

A free flying bird with no cage considers nest space to consist of the actual nest and about their own body length around it. 

Because they are crevice nesters, a pigeon with an enclosure considers the entire enclosure to be nest space.

Only a pigeon's mate is allowed to enter their nest, and that's exclusively by invitation.

Peeps are hatched into it, and once they wean, they are not allowed to re-enter.

Anything entering their nest space that is not that bird's mate is instinctively considered to be either a predator, or a rival.

 A rival won't eat them, but is coming explicitly to attack them to drive them out of a good nest, which will involve killing their nestlings if they have any.

So, to avoid triggering the predator/rival defensive response, it's important to open your bird's enclosure to invite them to come out on their own terms when you want to spend social time with them. 

This rewards their natural curiosity and  makes you feel more like a cohabitant/potential flock mate than a potential predator or attacker.

While your bird is out exploring, you can strengthen your bond with them by treat priming; Address them by name, ask "Want a treat?" and toss a safflower seed in front of them, but not straight at them. Praise them when they eat it with something along the lines of "Yes, that is for you! Good bird!" in a pleased tone of voice. (even birds who hate handling and refuse treats respond positively to a pleased tone of voice.)

Calling their name every time primes them to look at you when you address them.

Little by little, as they get comfortable with the distance, you should be able to toss treats less and less far from yourself.

The end goal is for your bird to come into willing physical contact with you.

From there, you can start offering a treat on the tip of one or two fingers.

Once the bird is reliably accepting that, offer the treat held by the narrow end between your thumb and index finger. 

This makes your hand more similarly shaped to the head of a bird than the scary giant talon with extra toes or giant snake it usually looks like to a bird.

In every flock of pigeons, there are at least one or two teen or older birds that will feed any weaned baby that cries. 

I call these "Flock Aunties/Unkles", and this is the mantle you take up for your bird once they get they hang of hand feeding.

It's best to start having out times in the evenings, so that bed time is after dark. Lights Out training makes returning them to the enclosure less stressful for both you and your bird.

When you want to put the bird away, address them to get their attention, and say "Lights Out or Bed Time soon!", wait about 10 seconds, Then walk over to the light switch, make a note of where your bird is, repeat "Lights Out/Bed Time now", and flick off the lights.

Pigeons are diurnal and non-migratory. They can't see in the dark, and just sort of turn off. 

This differs from the learned helplessness shut down in being instinctively  associated with sleep, rather than inescapable distress.

In the dark, you can pick up your bird and gently return them to the enclosure without the stress of having to chase and catch them.

After a few repetitions, birds that don't enjoy being carried to bed will use the ten or so seconds between "soon" and "now" to fly back to their enclosure on their own. Birds that do like being carried will assume the position and wait for you to turn off the light and carry them.

There is no getting around the fact that feeding, watering, and cleaning require you to reach into your pigeon's enclosure, and if you can't do that while they are out (for example, if you feed in the morning before leaving for work) you can help them overcome their defensive response by talking them through what you are doing without reaching for the bird themself.

"It's food time. I need your dish." while reaching in only as far as needed to remove the dish, and withdrawing with it as quickly and unobtrusively as possible. Same for the water dish, and talking them through cleaning.

For example, the floor of my hospital cages slide out, so I tell the birds "I need your floor." and then repeat "Back up, back up, back up" in a soft, encouraging tone until they are off, then praising with "Thank you!" to signify they have done what I asked and I will not bother them now until time to put the floor back in.

When the floor is cleaned and repapered, I tell them "Here's your floor back." and repeat "Step up." as I slide it in until they have both feet on the floor. 

When I have finished cleaning, watering, and feeding (All three get done at once for the hospital cages) I signify to the bird that it's over by "Ok! We're done now!" and then praising "Good bird! Thank you."

It's important to talk them through EVERYTHING because they are literally five-year-old-child intelligent.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/02/090212141143.htm

Pigeons and baboons have similarly high cognition.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/12/171204144805.htm

Pigeons have an innate understanding of the concepts of space and time.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/04/140402095107.htm

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/02/070220131646.htm

They categorize like we do.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/07/130717095336.htm

Their brains are wired similarly to ours.

https://www.degruyter.com/document/doi/10.1515/s13295-014-0057-5/html

So much so that they are considered an excellent model in the study of cognitive neuroscience

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0197458019304270

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0166432814007554

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0166432820306471

With TONS of alzheimer-specific research

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/04/110411171847.htm

Their facial recognition is similar to ours.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/07/110703132527.htm

They recognize humans as individuals.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/06/120622163056.htm

By both face, and voice.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/06/080613145535.htm

They surpass the ability of human children up to three years old to recognize that their reflection in a mirror is their own reflection, and not another bird.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/02/150204184447.htm

They can learn the equivalent of words by the same mechanic as human children.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/09/160919111535.htm

They can learn to differentiate a written word from an acronym with the same number of letters.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/04/170418094512.htm

And flocks build what can legitimately be called a culture by building knowledge across generations.

The take away from this is that pigeons are intelligent enough to learn what your communication means, and can be taught by the same mechanic as a human toddler.

Language is a pattern of matching words to objects, actions, individuals, places, and concepts. Pigeons are pattern mappers, hard wired to latch onto stable patterns.

It is vitally important that you talk a pigeon that you are training through absolutely everything, the way you would a toddler who hasn't quite gotten that word down yet.

They can eventually learn to answer yes and no questions, if you give them a template. (this is already going to be enough of a novella, I can go into detail about that later.

A pigeon flock is basically one gigantic extended family living together in their equivalent of an ancestral apartment complex.

Pigeons only join a flock by hatching or marrying into it.

Pigeons are one of extremely few species that remain year round in the same breeding colony AND cooperatively forage; not just all going the same place, but actively voting on what to look for, how to best get there, and how to best get back.

Babies only rarely leave the flock. 

When they leave the nest, they are taught by their fathers to be pigeons for the first month or so. Where safe food and water are, how to find nest materials, how to defer to a higher ranking flock member. 

The rest of the flock line up to each teach the peep that they are higher ranking than the peep. (Peeps instinctively expect this hazing and are very skittish from five to eight weeks of age)

At about eight weeks, the peep is as big as it will get, and starts to earn their place in the hierarchy by experimentally pushing back against the older birds to see who gives and who won't.

 By four or five months, the young bird has a solid place in the hierarchy, has found out what it's good at, and has usually won a mate.

At this point, a cock earns the right to claim a nest space among his parents, grand kin, aunts, unkles, cousins, and so-on.

Young pigeons only leave their flock to form a new one if there aren't enough nest spaces or isn't enough food to support every one.

So stability and finding a place in the social dynamic are EXTREMELY important to them.

Pigeon Flocks are democratic meritocracies.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/04/100416214045.htm

They vote on everything they do as a group

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2006/11/061106145043.htm

Parties with differing opinions compromise.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/06/150609213053.htm

Because they need to be able to depend on the support of their flock mates to cooperatively find resources, watch out for predators, and navigate home.

https://www.audubon.org/news/in-homing-pigeon-flocks-bad-bosses-quickly-get-demoted

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/09/160914143044.htm

Pigeons will not follow a leader they can't depend on, be that due to a loss of capability, or an unwillingness to heed cast votes or attempt to compromise.

This adds up to a bird that is hard wired to expect a say in everything they are involved in and be keenly, my-life-depends-on-this aware when their say is being ignored.

Pigeons do not have a concept of “Reasons I could not discern”.

If they can’t discern a reason you ignored their vote or any attempt to compromise with them, they just think there wasn’t one, and you're either incompetent or being an ass hole. 

And Pigeons consider themselves to be well within their rights to refuse to cooperate with an incompetent ass hole.

This is a BIG part of why talking them through everything is so vitally important.

Pigeons are EXTREMELY communicative.

Once they trust you as a flock mate, The more they understand about what you are doing, what you want them to do, and how that affects them, the more willing they are to cooperate with you.

Those are the cognitive universals.

When selecting a companion or therapy animal, it’s important to know what temperament to expect, and the typical temperaments of Cocks and Hens differ pretty drastically!

We touched briefly on mate behaviors earlier, and now we need to go into that to explain sex-typical behaviors, by which I mean the instinctive behavioral and base line personality differences between typical cocks and hens.

To explain sex-typical behaviors, I have to walk you through the pigeon courtship ritual called Driving, which has three phases.

It starts with the Chase phase.

The cock struts up to a hen he'd interested in and alternately chest-bumps and bites her until she runs away.

He continues to strut after her, occasionally charging with a sweeping tail to push or bite her until she bursts into flight.

Hens will initiate for a cock they are EXTREMELY interested in, but in pigeon society, the hen having to initiate means the cock just is not remotely interested in her. 

This is less than ideal for the hen, and she will divorce him for the first cock that shows enough interest to initiate the chase.

Once they are in the air, the hen is trying to break away and flee, and the cock is trying to herd her towards the nest area he's picked out.

Ideally, she crashes into it, too exhausted to keep flying.

To a human, this looks really violently aggressive.

But the Rock Dove, from which our domestic pigeons descend, evolved in a Thompson's Gazelle vs. Cheetah style arms race with the Peregrine goddamn Falcon.

If the cock cannot out pace and out maneuver the hen, and his stamina is lower than hers, then her children by him will be slower and less maneuverable than she is, with lower stamina.

This all adds up, to her, as her peeps by this cock being easier than she is for a falcon to catch.

If she can get away from him, he is an inferior potential sire, and she will reject him.

The Wrestling phase begins after the hen has recovered her breath.

As soon as she can, she will try to blow past the cock and vanish into the sky.

He has to body block her to prevent her from leaving, grab her by the scruff if she tries to push past, and fight her until she stops trying to get up.

Again, this looks REALLY violently abusive to a human!

But nest location is a status symbol in pigeon society.

A good nest is high up, wide enough for two adult birds side by side, with an entrance ideally narrow enough for only one at a time to get in.

This also makes it really hard for a hawk, rodent, or snake to get in after the eggs, peeps, or parent defending them.

Other cocks will want a good, safe, defensible nest for their wife, and absolutely will kill nestlings to drive out a less fit pair, hoping to impress a (usually specific and very picky) potential mate.

If the cock cannot fight the generally smaller, weaker hen who just recovered from the Chase phase to prevent her getting out, he hasn't got a snowball's chance in hell of defending her from a healthy rival who wants that nest for his wife and peeps.

It's only after he's completed the Chase and Wrestling phases that she allows him to prove that he's an excellent forager by offering to feed her from his crop. (the kissing behavior that immediately precedes the act of treading.)

This translates VERY poorly to a human partner, and is what makes bottle raised baby boys such a monumental pain in the ass.

Pigeons are INTENSELY social.

The drive to bond is stronger than the drive to actually reproduce, so your bonded pigeon will treat you like a mate.

Which means that a cock will be compelled to attempt the initiation, chase, and wrestling phases of Driving.

Imprinting does not just make a specific person a baby bird's mommy.

It tells the bird what species it is and sets Mommy as the ideal mate.

A pigeon that thinks they are human expects their human to understand these instinctive pigeon behaviors.

Their human's failure to respond as expected comes across as ignoring them.

Which leads to human-imprinted pigeons going from trying to court their caretaker, to feeling intentionally ignored for no reason and attacking out of furious frustration.

This is why I don't hand raise nestlings unless the peep will die if I don't step in.

Pigeons who are parent-raised, but socialized by humans the way you would nursing puppies or kittens, understand that a human is not a pigeon.

Instead of expecting their caretaker to understand them by default and getting overwhelmed with frustration when they can't, a parent-raised, human-social pigeon tries to work out how to bridge the communication gap.

If your human-social cock approaches you and tries to start a fight out of the blue, he doesn't hate you.

He loves you, and is pulling out all stops to prove to a freaking KAIJU, via hand to hand combat, that he's strong enough to protect them and their nest.

I tell people that "Cock love is pinchy."

This is what I'm talking about.

Physical contact is a mate/baby-exclusive privilege for cocks.  Only his mate allopreens him, and he only allopreens his mate and their peeps.

Flock mates other than his mate only attempt to make physical contact with a cock to start a fight or ask for sex. 

So all associations for a cock, aside from mate and peeps, are rivalries and side-chicks.

Pigeon bites can't break the skin (all they can do is pinch), unless it's just a massive monster of a pigeon, but the tenacity sexually selected for by hens makes cocks relentless until they are satisfied that they have suitably impressed you.

Hens, in contrast, are approached by flock mates to proposition for sex, to engage in allopreening, or to invite to feed, bathe, or loaf together.

They are generally more cuddly, more forgiving of restraint (Joke's on you, she's into that shit!), and more accepting of other family members making contact with her.

Cocks who are satisfied with their relationship can be a lot of fun, but their nippiness can be an anxiety trigger if you don't know to expect it.

In order to consider himself bonded to his person, a cock has to feel he has impressed you, like he would be expected to impress a hen. 

It is much easier to convince a parent raised cock that you really are impressed and don't just see him as beneath your notice than it is to convince an Imprint.

Parent raised cocks will be more gentle when they initiate driving, as the drive is more like a compulsive need to complete a symbolic gesture for them than the actual hand to hand combat to manually overpower a titan that these matches are to an imprinted cock.

To convince a cock that he really has won your admiration fair and square, Start by putting up some resistance when he initiates. 

Push him back, shake your hand, ruffle and wrestle with him like you would a very small kitten.

You will need to do this WAY longer for an imprint than a parent raised bird, but when you want to wind down the match, pay attention to what he's doing.

He is never just biting.

He is trying to maneuver your hand either by tugging or shoving. 

Follow where he directs until he stops either pulling or pushing, and just pushes down. That is where he wants your hand to be. 

Relax it there until he turns away, then go about your business.

It will take a few sessions, but once he's satisfied he's impressed you, he'll have no need to go all out like that anymore.

Ankhou (an imprint who is extremely satisfied with a now five year long extremely stable relationship) doesn't engage in driving fights with me anymore, but we do have lots of brief, very gentle wrestling sessions.

Hens don't need human mates to impress them in hand to hand combat like they require a cock to.

They are intelligent enough to assume that nothing her size is going to stand a chance against something your size.

The peaceful simplicity of bonding with a hen tends to make them more desired as therapy and companion animals.

Bonded cocks are just as cuddly and sweet, but you have to go through his Driving impulse to get to that point with him.

This doesn't make cocks bad pets or therapy prospects, but they are definitely not the ideal match for everyone.

@tinysaurus-rex ‘s Battar is an excellent example of a bonded hen.

If you would like to see how his owner applies the constant biting of a feral Imprint towards physical therapy for nerve pain flair ups, check out the blog @homeofhousechickens and search for Loki.

They also have a parent raised, human social emotional support cock named Fluffernutter and have made a lot of great posts illustrating the contrast between imprinted pigeons and pigeons who were raised by their parents, but socialized with lots of gentle handling.

I hope this helps the people who have their bird’s physical needs planned out to pick the bird whose emotional needs they can best meet, and whose personality will best match their emotional needs. <3