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allfortheslay25 · 3 months

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Pls loredump Abt ur new all for the war au

THE MOMENT I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!!!

everyone keep up it’s a doozy☝️

TW: mentions of abuse, torture, human trafficking, assault, murder, and lots of violence ⚠️

Some facts to keep in mind: Based on a draft for a novel I am working on, despite Milo being in this AU it is not 100% based on the Milo fic and has some changes to adhere to my novel, this novel is fantasy with light magic aspects and more godly mythology aspects (so not everyone can do magic cuz it’s more like witchcraft or godly blessings/curses), Neil is sort of intersex (or at least a version of it in this fantasy world) This also isn’t the full story, I left some stuff out because I don’t think I can get through every microscopic detail

The war started when Palmetto country was harassed for the last time. The Moriyamas had sent another army to pass through, use their resources, and bully their citizens. So Palmetto decided enough was enough and declared war. It was Kayleigh Day that accepted and decided to fight back (otherwise the Moriyamas would have closed their boarders and just ignored Palmetto)

David Wymack was in charge of the Palmetto army and fought a long and hard battle against Kayleigh and the Moriyamas defenses. Eventually, they’d met in person and become frenemies. Kayleigh was pregnant with Kevin and after many interactions and conversations with Wymack, decided the war wasn’t worth it. She didn’t want Kevin to grow up surrounded by meaningless bloodshed.

The Moriyamas did not stand for her decision. She started this, she has to end it. They tasked Tetsuji, her closest friend and family, to kill her. Tetsuji did so and raised Kevin as one of his own (alongside Riko) Kevin was told his mother was assassinated by the other side and her war is now his.

So Kevin trained hard, studied war and battle strategy, and worked to finish what his mother started.

Along his journey to becoming the ‘hero’ the Moriyama empire needed, he trained alongside Riko who he considered a brother, and was given two friends; Nathaniel, a young boy belonging to a war driven family aka the House of Slaughter who were well known battle strategists, and later Jean, a teen belonging to a wealthy family aka the House of Pride who were known to own lots of ships and traveling resources.

Nathaniel was always promised to Tetsuji’s unit since his birth. Riko let Kevin have him so Kevin could make a warrior out of him. And, after all, what’s Kevin’s is Riko’s and what’s Riko’s is always Riko’s.

Jean was betrothed to Kevin when he’d completed his first mission. Kevin assumed it’s what Jean wanted since the Moreau family has always been stuck up about letting other families marry into theirs. Their children are picky and if Jean was his fiancé, it had to mean Jean chose him. But Kevin was oblivious to how little Jean mattered to his family.

Nathaniel grew up with Kevin as a brother figure and a mentor. They trained and studied together and snuck away with Riko and Jean to get into childish shenanigans. But every weekend, Nathaniel would need to go home for Wesninski family training where they’d torture him. It was meant to train Nathaniel in interrogation, both how to survive one and how to conduct one. On his first day back, the Moriyamas would hurt him so that he wouldn’t forget to fear them too. Kevin was just as obvious to this and assumed Nathaniel was just very weak and prone to injury.

Eventually, when Nathaniel was 13, he and Kevin got into a fight about how distracted Nathaniel had been these days. He’d kept sneaking off to hang out with some secret friends of his or to follow Riko around. Kevin assumed Nathaniel was purposely getting sloppy and tore into him. Nathaniel had definitely been getting away with those other soldiers, content to let them treat him to food and (appropriate)entertainment in the town. It was an escape from Kevin’s pressure on him and Riko’s abuse behind closed doors (which is why Nathaniel was often following him around)

Kevin said some things he didn’t mean and told Nathaniel to be at the training grounds for night practice or else. Nathaniel left to hang out with the soldiers so he could vent about Kevin’s attitude. He meant to show up for night practice but the soldiers had held him hostage and assaulted him until morning.

Nathaniel had Wesninski training the next day and was gone for two days and an extra day with the Moriyamas abuse. Before he could attempt to go to Kevin, Riko had locked him in his room as punishment for not seeing Riko before he left. When he was finally let out before the next week started, Kevin had to be fuming.

Nathaniel went to Kevin to explain or make up for his absence but running into Riko reminded him that even if he reported it, the soldiers wouldn’t even get a slap on the wrist. Nathaniel was property and if Riko didn’t care that they’d touched him, neither would any other Moriyama. So he showed up to the training grounds to lie about his whereabouts and it set Kevin off.

Kevin laid into him about his sloppiness and hit Nathaniel where it hurts. Kevin decided he had enough and Nathaniel wasn’t cut out to be a soldier so he quit as his mentor. Nathaniel of course had argued back and twisted the knife (metaphorical) into Kevin as a final word. They got into a bit of a tussle in which Kevin slice Nathaniel across the face as the final ‘we’re done’. Nathaniel left the castle grounds for some space and hid away for a week when he’d realized something was wrong. He was pregnant.

Knowing what the Moriyamas would do to him and how they would have decided to use this to their advantage, Nathaniel decided to leave the country. He changed his name and disguised himself (with the help of his mother) so he could go to Palmetto. Renee, a solider who helps people escape from the war and settle down into Palmetto, picked Neil out of the crowd instantly. They had to test him since being pregnant allows extra comforts and resources and many people try to fool them for it every day.

Neil was kept under constant watch by Andrew, a fellow soldier and friend of Renee’s. They talked every day, Neil never giving up any information and doing his best to take scraps of info about the war from Andrew. Eventually, Neil was far along enough for a doctor, Abby, to examine him and prove he was with child. The information wasn’t a blessing to Neil and only made him more bitter and hostile towards the Foxes (soldiers of palmetto tasked with guarding the farms that those with pregnancies stay at) Neil was allowed privacy but that was a favor from Andrew after Neil gave him a truth.

Neil had planned to use the comforts provided for pregnant ppl until Milo was born and he could just give him up and move on with his life. Andrew knew and because no one asked, he never told any of the other Foxes. Andrew would give Neil reports about the ongoing war, they’d play their truths game, and ofc Andrew would just do his duties as a guard.

When Milo was born, Neil decided to keep him, afraid to end up alone in this new country. While recovering, Neil could not stand the Foxes reckless and messy teamwork during battles and provided them with better plans and instructions while in bed rest. Dan was eager to let him since his plans worked and made sense. When Neil recovered, he enlisted and Dan took him under her wing to train him to replace her.

Word got out about this new strategist of there’s and how ruthless he was. Kevin had not been out on the field (he’s one of few people allowed to switch back and forth between battlefield fighting and hq strategy) but Riko had.

Riko one day stormed back into hq to rant about Nathaniel being the new strategist. Kevin didn’t believe it and didn’t think it was a funny joke since everyone had assumed Nathaniel was dead. Kevin instantly geared up to meet them on the battlefield and fought him, using Nathaniel’s old habits to get him on his back and unmask him. Kevin was relieved to find him alive but confused as to why he was fighting for palmetto.

Neil kicked Kevin’s ass and told him to go back home, deciding to retreat for now. Kevin followed his lead in his state of shock. A week later, he received a note from Nathaniel to meet him by a certain lake they used to hang around as kids. There, he explained that he was no longer Nathaniel and he would not be coming back to the Moriyamas. They argued, Kevin begged for him to come back, he told him that the Moriyamas killed Mary for hiding him and her last words were that Nathaniel died, Nathaniel did not mention his assault or his son but threw his abuse in Kevin’s face before they calmed down and talked about nothing. Sunrise came around and Neil left.

Kevin had hopes of convincing Neil back and confided in Jean about his struggles. He told Riko to forgive Neil and naively hoped they could all just go back to normal.

Flash forward to Tetsuji having a mission for Kevin. Kevin, eager to prove himself, agreed to kill an enemies son. Tetsuji tells him to slow down before explaining that it’s a baby and not only is it a child, it is Nathaniel’s one and only son. Kevin begs and tries to convince Tetsuji to see another way, that Milo won’t be a threat, that they can’t do this to family. Tetsuji reminds him that Nathaniel is a traitor and no longer family and that if he cannot complete this mission, someone else (possibly Riko) will. Tetsuji does this to Kevin because he wants to ensure that Kevin is a Moriyama and just like when Tetsuji was ordered to kill a sister (Kayleigh) Kevin must kill a nephew (Milo)

Kevin suits up and heads to the farm where Milo lives, sneaking in with the help of the Moriyamas and a token Neil had given him in case Kevin ever wanted to escape to Palmetto (it was a coin with a fox on it that he’d flash towards any guards at the boarders, and they’d let him in) At the farm, Kevin loses his resolve because of how much Milo just looks like Neil. Kevin had first met Neil when he was three years old at a Wesninski banquet, that’s when Riko had gifted Kevin with the honor of training him. Neil moved in with them when he was eight years old, and started his physical training at 10. Kevin couldn’t fathom killing Milo when all he saw was Neil’s infant face at that banquet.

Kevin instead kidnapped Milo and taken him back to the Moriyamas castle where he begged Riko to convince Tetsuji to let them keep him. Riko had agreed instantly with ulterior motives to raise his own Wesnisnki weapon. They tutored Milo in battle strategy and while Kevin was away on the battlefield, Riko would hurt Milo.

Neil had gone to torturing the Moriyamas ppl to find information about Milo’s possible whereabouts. It had gotten bad enough that the Moriyamas were willing to just toss him back to Neil or even kill him to get rid of the evidence. Riko had a dumbass plan to send an infants mutilated body back to Neil with a threat. Kevin actually believed it to be Milo and had a mental breakdown about the loss until Riko revealed it was all a trick. Kevin began to realize how much of a monster Riko actually was.

Meanwhile, Neil stopped torturing the Moriyamas citizens and instead just started burning down their villages. At first, it seemed like a ridiculous act of grief and the Moriyamas opened their kingdoms city borders for the homeless to reside in temporarily. Once all of their ppl were in one place, Neil broke into the castle and gathered all the Moriyamas to make them beg for mercy.

Kevin was the only one to beg for forgiveness and accept any punishments Neil had to offer. Kevin hadn’t known where Riko hid Milo at the time and didn’t know if he should admit that Milo was in fact alive (after all, Kevin didn’t even have proof) when the Moriyamas made halfassed apologies for Neil’s loss, he told Kevin that he was an idiot and needed to stop treating Neil like a child. Then Neil set the entire city on fire as his men slaughtered as many women and children as they could. Kevin was forced to watch from a window and listen to the people’s screams as the city burned and bled. It was the first time Kevin saw Neil as a monster.

Neil then castrated the Moriyamas, killing Kengo and Ichirou and taking Tetsuji’s hands. Kevin was the only person unscathed because Neil knew how Kevin has the worst case of survivors guilt. Riko was the only person who escaped, hiding away until the next day when the fires died.

Tetsuji was meant to make Riko king now. He first ordered Kevin to kill Milo as a last act of vengeance and fear that Neil would discover the truth. Riko taunted him about it and went to sleep like a baby for his coronation the next day. Kevin almost did kill Milo before deciding to instead kill Riko in his sleep. Kevin took Milo and returned him to Neil’s men.

On his long journey to palmetto (now that the city is burned and the borders are back up Kevin must take the long way) Jean’s spirit follows him, talking to Kevin as he begins to believe he is going insane. He didn’t want to believe Jean was dead but it was the only answer. Tetsuji and his advisors slaughtered Jean for killing Riko. They didn’t bother investigating and brutally murdered him. Kevin eventually is able to return Milo and wanders between the borders, unable to return home or go to palmetto.

Neil later forgives Kevin (after a very long few years) and helps him connect with Wymack. While Kevin talks to Neil about his plans, he avoids the war and Neil never tells him that Tetsuji hung himself and the throne now belongs to Kevin. The war is coming to a close and Kevin needs to let it end before he can claim his title. Except, while Kevin is helping a few ppl escape to Palmetto, Milo (who is a teenager by now) tries to kill him, driving Kevin farther from both kingdoms. It’s why he never gets the news about the end of the war or Neil and Andrew’s brutal deaths.

Injured and weakened, Kevin tries to help as many people as he can as they all make way to palmetto. Crossing the river, Kevin is too injured from Milo’s attack to fight the ripples, causing Kevin to fall and bust his head open on a rock. Kevin drowns until he finally bleeds out.

As for Neil and Andrew, they were still on the war front the day the news of the end came. Neil was asked to help some villagers nearby their camp. He was tricked and captured and the villagers burned him alive for a day and a half. Nearing the second day, Andrew received word about Neil’s kidnapping. He was leaving their tent when he’d had a heart attack and died. Andrew was purposely poisoned so he wouldn’t avenge Neil’s death.

The only survivor of this story was Milo, who had trained himself for his parents war, who was tortured just to end it, who was kidnapped and separated from Neil, who didn’t even get to fight in it. Milo lived to tell their tale and was forced to face it alone.

The end.

#aftg #all for the game #art #doodles #fanart #neil josten #andrew minyard #oc #milo josten #all for the war #miloverse #Kevin day #the Moriyamas #jean moreau #riko moriyama

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insane-in-the-membranee · 1 month

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Men fucking scare me.

Now, some are going to go like, "it's not all men", " Are you also scared of your dad/brother/male relative?", "Another 'feminist' hating on men" and so on probably. Sure, it's not all men but it's always men.

I was scrolling insta when I came across a reel where a guy is complaining about how whenever there is a crime concerning a woman, we raise our voice and protest yet when there is a crime concerning a man, there is barely even news coverage. Which is certainly true and fair. But seriously, right now? Why is it that men always complain whenever people are trying to give justice to a poor victim girl?? I totally agree that whether men or women, all victims should get their justice but have some fucking sympathy instead of complaining?!?

Next, another reel where a lawyer guy was talking about women's safety laws and all, the comments? "Law for women, la*da for men". Well, why don't you go and take a look at the statistics? Maybe read the news daily, I mean the local one. Again, I'm NOT against men's safety, ofc no. It's just that, why can't men complain or raise their concerns without pulling the women with them? What do you want? The laws that are made for us (not that they're REALLY useful) to go nil??? Or what?? Equality? That is feminism. Fucking equality!! You don't hear a true feminist complaining, "why do men get paid more than us? Salary for men, chillar for women" or anything, instead it's "We want to get paid the same as that of a man." Again, I'm NOT speaking against men particularly, just the ones who feel enraged towards us just because we want to get treated as a human first, and equally.

I was talking to a guy friend and his attitude is, "Yeah what happened to her is TERRIBLE but hey, it's not like I can do anything about that? I would never do that and be a good person but that's all I can do, I can't tell the rapists that what they did was wrong and they'd too be like 'oh yes yes oops we did wrong' right?". Now, I do understand his perspective but sure a bit more sympathy and kindness won't hurt anyone?? He even has a sister!! And in the age of social media, anyone with a phone can contribute to some extent.

When I read the details of the case, my soul cried out. I can't even imagine her sorrow. Oh my goodness. My insides felt all queasy reading those gruesome details. All girls of all ages have almost experienced a bad incident with men. Harassment, molestation, abuse, assault, SOMETHING! So many cases everyday and so many more which don't even get registered. Rapes have become so common in India that unless and until it's something very gruesome, people don't even bother that much. It's always "What has it got to do with me" until it's someone you, someone who is close to you. 78 years of independence yet girls are still caged behind walls.

It's always "Beti Bachao, Beti Padhao", Beti padh toh li lekin Beti bach nahi pai. Why is it always "Arre voh toh ladhka, voh toh aise he karega", Voh aisa kyu karega?!?

Why is that ladhkiyo ko mana karte hai raat mein bahar jaane ke liye because it's not safe for her, lekin ladhke puri raat awaaragardi kare, koi dikkat nahi.

Why can't we just teach boys to respect women? To not just respect women, but to respect everyone? The next person is a living being, is that not a good enough reason to not be cruel??

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C-ry4xNvZw0/?igsh=N2M0bW51c3dueGpi

Ajeeb toh hai.

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roosterforme · 1 year

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The Dirty Details | Rooster x Reader

Summary: The details of how Bradley lost his virginity come as a surprise to you. When you learn how and why he became a consent king, your heart breaks for him. You vow to do everything you can to always make him feel as loved and comfortable as he makes you feel, in and out of the bedroom.

Warnings: Angst, fluff, mentions of sex while intoxicated, mentions of sexual assault

Length: 2200 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader

This was written to accompany my series Is It Working For You? along with a bunch of my one-shots and other series, but it can be read on its own! Check my masterlist for the reading order.

When you walked into the Hard Deck with Bradley's arm slung over your shoulder, you looked up at him and said, "This is the first time we've been here together since we got married."

"You're right," he rasped, kissing your forehead. "And now I've got this new hardware on my finger that repels all other women."

"Oh, that sounds nice," you told him with a laugh as you led the way through the huge New Year's Eve crowd. "That one over there is looking at you, Roo. Hold up your left hand."

He rolled his eyes and chuckled. "You're the only one I'm looking at, Baby Girl."

"That's Mrs. Bradshaw to you."

Bradley smirked when you smiled at him. "You're just begging to leave early, aren't you?"

You shrugged casually, but you knew for a fact that you'd be able to get Bradley to leave before midnight if you bugged him enough. If you told him you wanted him to take you to bed, he'd be leading you back to the Bronco right away.

But instead you walked into Jake's open arms and hugged him. "Angel," he drawled as he turned you to face the bar. "Your cute coworker is here."

You searched the bar area, and sure enough your eyes found Cat Coleman's, and she waved to you. "Why don't you go talk to her?" you suggested, but Jake adamantly refused.

"No, it was just an observation," he said before wandering over to Nat. He was so transparent, it was ridiculous.

"Okay, Jake," you muttered, and then Bradley was handing you a beer.

"Hey, how was your trip to Maryland for Christmas?" Nat asked as she gave you a hug.

Before you could even respond, Jake loudly said, "Didn't you hear? They didn't even go anywhere at all. Rooster here has been trying to figure out how things work since he lost his virginity on their wedding night. Missed Christmas all together since he's been trying for weeks to find the clit."

You started laughing, and you could feel and hear Bradley's laughter behind you.

"Hey, Hangman," he said, chuckling. "Fuck you."

"Yeah, Hangman," Nat replied. "That's not how Rooster lost his virginity. I know the whole scoop on that one." She was wiggling her eyebrows and looking smug.

"You do?" you asked Nat, suddenly shocked at the realization that you had no idea about any of the details of your husband's first time.

You turned to look up at Bradley as he sipped his beer, cheeks pink as he met your gaze.

"Yep," Nat replied, her tone teasing. "Seventeen years old in the backseat of his car with a college girl. An older woman!"

"Really?" you asked Bradley, and he just nodded at you. "She was in college? How old was she?"

"Twenty," Bradley told you quietly while Nat and Jake hooted loud enough to get Payback and Fanboy in on the conversation, too. You could vaguely hear them all comparing their own virginity dirty details, but all you could see was the strange look on Bradley's face.

"What's wrong, Roo?" you asked, wrapping your arms around his waist. "Would a quickie in the bathroom make you feel better?" You started to pull him toward the hallway with a grin, but he just shook his head.

"Nah. Not tonight."

You couldn't remember the last time he had turned you down in any capacity. Had he ever? Certainly not recently since you'd come off birth control, since you'd become his wife. You were honestly a little stunned.

"Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing, Sweetheart," he replied, kissing your forehead. "Wanna play pool?"

But you could tell something was definitely bothering him, even after you agreed to be his partner against Jake and Javy. Because he was awfully quiet compared to how he normally was, and his smile just wasn't quite reaching his eyes.

But he still pulled you into his arms whenever you were near him, so you let him play a few rounds of pool and have another beer before you tugged on his hand. "Ready to head home?" you asked, tucking yourself against his side.

"You don't want to stay until midnight?" he asked, eyebrows raised as you looked up at him.

"No. I want to take you home, Roo."

It took twenty minutes to say goodbye to everyone which meant that you were just pulling into the driveway at the stroke of midnight. Bradley had been singing along to his Motown playlist, and when he put the Bronco in park, you climbed onto his lap.

"Happy New Year, Baby Girl," he rasped. Then your lips softly met his while he finished singing Baby I Need Your Loving.

"Will you tell me what's wrong now, Roo?" you asked. You didn't want to press him if he didn't want to talk about it, but he'd been fine when you first arrived at the bar.

"It's nothing. It's so stupid," he whispered, taking the key out of the ignition and sighing as he climbed out with you in his arms. Once he set you down, you strolled up to the front door with him right at your heels, and you paused with the key in the lock.

"Okay. But you listen to me all the time. Even when it's something stupid."

"You never say anything stupid, Baby Girl," he kissed your cheek as you opened the door. He was being lovely, but you wanted him to open up for you. He always felt better whenever he did.

When you made your way to the bedroom and turned on the lamp on your nightstand, Bradley's beautiful face was bathed in soft light, but his brow was pinched in frustration. You pressed your lips together to keep yourself quiet, and a minute later, you were rewarded not only by your husband in just his underwear, but also by his voice.

"You know how Nat said she knows how I lost my virginity?"

He was looking down at the bedding and running his fingers through his hair when you whispered, "Yeah?" You crawled to the middle of the bed, but he remained standing next to his side.

"Well, she doesn't really know what happened. Nobody does." He laughed a bit awkwardly. "Well I guess one other person does."

You nodded and patted the bed. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," he grunted as he collapsed back against the pillows. "It makes me uncomfortable."

And for the first time ever, you felt like maybe he didn't want you to touch him. You were dying to know what was bothering him. No matter what it was, you wanted to try to fix it, try to give him comfort. That's what he always did for you. But you were at a complete loss right now, silently begging your husband to keep talking.

He swallowed hard, and you watched his Adam's apple move against the scars on his neck. "Yeah, I was seventeen. Yeah, it was in the backseat of my mom's old, white station wagon that I had been driving. Yeah, it was with a girl who was in college. Her name was Morgan."

You licked your lips and kept your eyes on him while he looked at the ceiling. "I told you this was stupid, Sweetheart. I don't know why it still bothers me." When he reached out for your hand, you felt instantly better and worse at the same time. "I was drunk. It was a little while after my mom died, and I was living with her cousin Brenda. You remember Brenda, from when we were in Virginia?"

"Of course," you replied, playing with his fingers. "How could I forget? I met her when we got engaged. She wants us to come visit again this summer."

"Yeah," Bradley agreed. "Brenda is great." Then he paused for a few beats. "And you know, she tried so hard to make me feel comfortable and welcome there, but I just... didn't. I spent my senior year of high school partying with this group of college kids. We'd all go out in this wooded area near the lake and drink cheap liquor on the weekends. It was right after Mav pulled my papers. A couple months before my eighteenth birthday."

When he reached for you, there was no hesitation as you scrambled into his arms. You settled against his chest, his warm skin and the steady beat of his heart calmed you immediately, and you hoped you were giving him some comfort as well.

"That girl, Morgan? I thought she was so cool at first. She was studying anthropology. She was smart. She got me drunk and didn't get upset when I talked about my mom. We would make out by the lake. Then one night, I was so drunk, and she told me to take her to my car. I thought we were just going to make out in the backseat."

"Oh, Bradley." You felt sick to your stomach.

"I didn't tell her no, but I was too drunk to say much of anything. She knew that, but we did it anyway. In the back of my mom's car."

You squeezed him tight as tears leaked from your eyes. "Roo. She took advantage of you. She should have never. That is not okay."

He sighed, and the sound of it made more tears fill your eyes. "I've never told anyone about it before. I feel a little better now."

"I love you, Roo," you promised, meeting his eyes. And somehow he was the one wiping your tears away when you were supposed to be comforting him. "You sweet man. That wasn't stupid. And you can tell me when something is bothering you. I want you to."

"I know," he agreed. "But sometimes it's hard to think about that night for more than a second. I try not to."

Then you sobbed as realization washed over you, and he pulled you a little closer. "Oh, Bradley! I've convinced you to have sex with me when you were drunk! More than once!"

"No, no, stop," he said firmly, kissing your lips. "It's not the same, Baby Girl."

"But if I ever made you feel uncomfortable-"

"No," he said, shaking his head. "We are in a committed relationship. We have been pretty much from the start. I always want you, and I initiate it 90% of the time when I've been drinking. You always have my consent, and I know you'd stop if I ever gave you the impression that I didn't want it. And I know you would never hurt me."

"Never," you agreed, letting your cheek rest on his shoulder. After a few minutes, you whispered, "You know, there's one really positive thing that came from this though."

"Is there?" he asked, a little skeptical as you stroked your fingers along his tattoo.

"Yeah. You're the consent king. And I think you always were, even before we met."

"Hmm," he grunted. "Yeah, that's really important to me."

"I love that," you told him, kissing up along his neck until you reached his lips. "And I love you. And you're mine. And Morgan can take her anthropology degree and fucking kick rocks while she thinks about how terrible she is."

Bradley laughed. And your face melted into a smile as you realized how tense your body had been.

"I fucking love you," he promised. And you knew he did.

-----------------------------

When you woke up the next morning to Bradley's lips on your shoulder as you were draped across him, you whispered, "Happy New Year."

"Mmhmm," he hummed against your skin. You wanted him in the worst way. He was so big and warm, and he smelled so good. He was yours. He was your husband. He was patient and sweet and everything you needed. And now, especially today, you wanted to make sure he knew that you really saw him.

"Is it okay if I touch you?"

His lips paused on your shoulder as he rasped, "Yes. Please, touch me."

So you let your hands roam along the muscular planes of his abdomen and chest. You gently dug your fingers into his bicep. You grazed the scars on his cheek with your nose.

"Will you let me kiss you, Roo?"

He responded by kissing you first. His mustache was rough against your skin, but everything else about his embrace was so soft. His lips lingered before chasing yours over and over again.

Your voice was soft, lips brushing his. "I want to have sex with you, if that's what you want."

He kissed his way along your jaw to your ear. "I see what you're doing here, Baby Girl. And I love you for it. Yes, I want to have sex with you, too."

So you took it nice and slow, and you made sure he was comfortable, even though you were certain you could read all of his cues by now. But you'd remember to take that extra step here and there. It wouldn't be hard to do, because he always gave you more than you ever expected. You'd always remind him that what he wanted and needed was important to you, because that was exactly how he made you feel every day.

-------------------------

This one hurts a little bit. Because this really happens. I hope you can't relate to what Roo went through here, but if you can, I love you. Thanks @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls.

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@xoxabs88xox

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meanbossart · 3 months

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Hello! I really love your art!!! Im a big fan of horror and erotica, do you have any toughts to share about being a horror-orinted artist? Im also an artist and contantly want to draw (and share) some darker stuff but am too afraid of internet judgment i guess (a coward lmao). In your journey on the internet, do you were harassed or something because if your subject? Sorry if it is a weird ass ask - im genuinely curious.

Heya, glad you enjoy my stuff!

I've never really experienced any harassment because of my art. I've gotten unkind reactions/opinions about it but one individual expressing their dislike for what you do every once in a while isn't really noteworthy enough. I do, sometimes, get the impression that people online are very reactionary about getting negative feedback of any kind, which makes sense with how over-exposed we are to the worse-case-scenarios of true, nightmarish harassment. But, truth be told, MOST of us will A) never make it "that big" B) While it may be kind of rude, receiving occasional negative attention is just a part of the human experience and it will always be sprinkled into otherwise positive feedback. You just have to be okay with that and take it maturely.

I think one of the main reasons why me and my partner never received severe negative attention for our comics (besides for being mind-numbingly boring as people with our internet presence) is because we are explicitly clear about what they are and what they contain. I have seen a LOT of horror/shock-content artists be... Very euphemistic about their work for whatever reason? Like, trying to sell the themes of their work but somehow failing to explicitly disclose the triggering content within it, or they just leave it at "gore/horror" when a more in-depth description of what the work contains would have been necessary. Sometimes, people seem to do this because they are preemptively scared of the backlash they might receive; but other, much more infuriating times they seem to be tricking people into giving them money before being fully informed.

As an example, here's what the content warning for one of our comics looks like:

Could a "sexual content and assault, death and bigotry" warning have sufficed? Maybe, and at some point I would have argued about the necessity of this level of thoroughness. But nowadays I really think my boyfriend's insistence for detailed TWs are to thank for keeping the people who DON'T want to read about this stuff away, and the people who DO to be able to find it and """enjoy""" it responsibly.

So, be objective about what it is that you're making, not only with others but with yourself. Is there a more complex point that you're trying to convey with your work? Probably. Is being cagey about the work's content and refusing to acknowledge that it may still be triggering, pornographic, repulsive and shocking going to make people see that point more clearly? Absolutely not.

#ask #advice

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bella-goths-wife · 4 months

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What exactly do the Vs want from Pet? Whether to increase their power, what is each of the Vs looking with them?

🐢

What is each V member looking for in pet?

Warnings: mentions of adult film industry, emotional, physical and psychological abuse,mentions of sexual assault

Vox:

Originally Vox just wanted to use your power to gain him more influence and money

He saw you as a convenient person who he could use up until your powers ran dry before kicking you to the curb

But then you had to go and intrigue him

Your nature of cunning manipulation for survival and your lack of empathy for those who mock you just intrigued him beyond comprehension

He watched you for months as you handled mockery and abuse flawlessly, you had a strength about you that wasn’t common amongst hells population

He spent so much time with you and watched as your abilities grew and part of him felt like he wanted to show you how to use it to its full ability

But there was also a weakness to you that he wanted to exploit in a self imposed way, he wanted to rub away your strength to expose the fleshy vulnerability underneath

And he does as he used the power imbalance between you two to push you to your limits to see the truth underneath your act of strength

He wants a fatherly bond with you, he views you as the daughter he could never have when he was alive

He wants to groom you to be his heir, while also keeping you just powerless enough to never try and contradict him

He wants to raise you above the rest but keep you under his thumb

Velvette:

At first, velvette just wanted a competent assistant to make her life easier

And when Vox brought you in, she trusted that he hadn’t brought in some idiot so she decided to use you to assist her

And you were good at it, extremely good at it

You were so obedient, velvette often commented

Like a dog, she’d always state confidently

She just grew to like you as her obsession became sustained by working with you so closely

She quickly realised why she wanted your presence so much

You became a pet to her

Something cute to pet and show off

And something that she could hold power over you

She gains entertainment from you, you sustain her constant need for attention without her having to endure a friendship with you

She cares about you, but in the same way she’d care about an expensive car

Your a possession to her, you’ve gained her favour through obedience and she craves something to have brief affection with while being able to degrade you

She wants a pet most of all, and you make such a pretty mutt

Valentino:

Valentino wants a victim

Sure, he has plenty in his porn studios who he can abuse at the drop of a hat

But there’s something different about you

Your ability is able to calm him during his rages, and that makes you feel so much more of an intimate victim to Valentino

He has many uses of you, therapist, punching bag, assistant and calmer

He wants to provoke emotions out of you that he can’t get from anyone else

Your like a shiny toy that he wants to poke at to see what reaction you give

Your the perfect victim to him

The perfect toy

He treats you similar to his other toys but the fact that his touches only border on assault shows your a favourite

He doesn’t know what he wants from you, he just knows that he wants you

Your his favourite toy and he wants to keep you forever

This is probably the worst piece I’ve written for this au but I’m sleep deprived and it’s been in my drafts for too long 😭

I’m sorry it’s not detailed

@repostingmyfavs @buttercupfangirl @corvid007 @lilyalone @fandomaddict505 @perkypeony @sparkleyfishies @hazbinhotelxreader @the-faceless-bride @rerarlo @ivebeenthearchersstuff @idontreallyexistyet

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wintersoldiersoul · 11 months

Text

Slowly

A/N: I think this might be the beginning of a little series.. let me know if you guys would want more of this! Also, this story mentions a past sexual assault of the reader (not in detail) but I just want you guys to know that if you ever need a safe space, my DMs are always open. It's something I've experienced and the experiences that the reader has had are very similar to my own. Please reach out if you ever need anything <3

Warnings: mention of a past sexual assalult, angst, fluff

“Y/N is going on a daaateee!” Wanda sang, running into the living room, you and Natasha following behind.

Her statement turned the attention of Steve, Sam, and Bucky who were sitting on the couch. “A date, huh?” Steve asked. “With who?”

You laughed awkwardly. “Just a guy I met at the bar,” you shrugged. When your random bar makeout from last week had invited you to dinner, you didn’t wanna say yes. But with a little bit of peer pressure from the two women standing with you, you had reluctantly agreed.

Your eyes were on Bucky, whose eyes were on his phone. Why would you expect him to care that you were going on a date? Your feelings for him clearly weren’t reciprocated and you needed to move on. It was never going to happen.

The three of you moved to the living room to sit with the guys as you began to be bombarded with questions and comments. You swore that sometimes the adult superheros acted like middle schoolers, cheering like children when someone had any sort of development in their love life.

“So are you finally gonna have sex with someone?” Sam teased. You weren’t a virgin by any means, but it had been a while. A fact that the team loved to tease you about whenever you were stressed.

“No,” you said, simply not in the mood to be interrogated about your love life. “I don’t even know if I like him. We just kissed in a bar.”

“You’re gonna fall in love, and get married and have so many kids together,” Sam continued, his tone full of mockery.

You weren’t necessarily embarrassed about your sex life. You didn’t care that it had been a while since you’d been with someone. It wasn’t like you hadn’t had the opportunity. It was just hard for you to trust. Ever since you had been assaulted, you didn’t wanna have sex with a stranger. You never told the team about the assault, not wanting to face the sympathetic looks. It wasn’t like they could do anything about it anyways.

“That’s not gonna happen,” you said monotonously.

“Y/N, you’re gonna bang him and then be so happy and uplifted. Maybe you’ll actually get some sleep at night,” Steve joined in.

“Guys, seriously, stop.” You tried to prevent yourself from getting annoyed to the point of anger, but they were pushing your buttons. Even if they didn’t know the full reason you didn’t wanna talk about it, you were telling them to stop and that should have been enough. It was clear you didn’t wanna talk about this and that you didn’t even wanna go on the date at all but they just couldn’t help themselves from joking like a bunch of teenagers.

“We’re just so happy for you and all of the sex you’re gonna be having!” Sam said.

That’s when Bucky turned his head. “Guys, she said she doesn’t wanna talk about it, okay?”

Your heart fluttered when he defended you. You had tried your best to control your feelings for Bucky but the organ in your chest betrayed you. Every day you fell a little bit more in love with him. You just couldn’t help yourself. What had started as a harmless crush had turned into a gut-wrenching unrequited love story that tore you apart every time you saw or spoke to him.

“Let us celebrate!” Sam said. “Y/N’s gonna get fucked!”

You stood up quickly and walked away, anger reverberating in every step you took back to your room. You didn’t even wanna go on this stupid date and you sure as hell didn’t wanna have sex with a stranger. You wished you could do it. You wished you could have your mind and confidence back, the way you did before the assault. But it had ruined your trust. The one time you tried to have sex with a stranger ended in a panic attack and you getting out of his apartment as quickly as possible.

“Assholes,” Bucky muttered, standing up to follow you and make sure you were okay. He reached your door a second after you, stopping the door as you tried to close it. “You okay?”

“Yup.”

He followed you and sat next to you on the bed when you did the same. “Just ignore them. They think they’re funny,” he laughed.

You gave him a closed-mouth smile. “I just wish they’d actually stop when I tell them to, you know? I know they don’t mean to hurt me and it’s not like they know…” you trailed off before you said too much.

“What?” Bucky asked.

“Nothing, nothing. It doesn’t matter.”

But Bucky could read you like a book. Despite your feelings that he’d never like you back, he did. In fact, he loved you as much as you loved him, which led him to usually being quiet and reserved in your presence. He always had his eyes on you when you weren’t looking, silently wishing he could just work up the courage to ask you out. “Something’s bothering you, I can tell,” he said.

“And how would you know?” You said, raising an eyebrow.

“Because I know you. Better than you think I do.”

His words rendered you speechless as you stared into his eyes. God, what was it about this man that just made you want to open up? “I…” you hesitated. You had been holding this secret for so long, you didn’t know how it would feel to share it. “I was sexually assaulted last year. I’ve tried to have sex since but it ended badly,” you took a deep breath. You were not going to cry in front of him. “I think it messed me up more than I thought it did. I feel… broken, I guess? Like, it feels like everyone else in the world can have a one night stand no problem but for me, I just can’t. And it makes me feel bad about myself.”

Bucky stared at you as you spoke. “Y/N, you are not broken,” he said with conviction. “You went through something traumatic. It makes complete sense that it’s hard for you.” He stared so deep into your eyes.

“Thanks,” you said, honestly just wanting to move past the conversation. “It’s fine. I just wasn’t in the mood for jokes.”

He lifted his hand up, brushing your hair behind your ear. Your heart pounded in your chest. “It’s not fine, though. Have you told anyone else? You shouldn’t deal with that alone.”

You sighed. Maybe he was right, but still you couldn’t find the energy to have that conversation right now. “Why do you even care, Bucky?”

“Because I’m in love with you, goddamn it!”

You were speechless. This had to be some kind of joke. He had figured out your little crush and just wanted to fuck with you. Make a fool out of you. “Don’t be mean, Bucky.”

“Mean?” He said. “Why do you think I never talk to you? You make me so nervous I never know what to say. I have to stop myself from blurting out how fucking beautiful you are. God, when I’m around you it’s like… I feel like myself again.” The look in his blue eyes told you that he was telling the truth.

“Bucky, I.. I love you too. I have for a while.”

His breathing sped up as his hand remained on your face. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes.”

His lips were on yours in an instant. His tongue made his way into your mouth, kissing you feverishly. You were both desperate for each other, desperate for the love and affection that had been missing from your lives.

“W-wait,” he said, removing his lips from yours. “I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with. I mean, you just told me you were sexually assaulted. I don’t wanna rush you into anything. I think we should just take this slow.”

You nearly cried but stopped yourself. How was this real? How was it possible that the man you had been secretly loving for so long actually felt the same? And how was it possible that he was so respectful? So caring?

“T-thank you. I really needed to hear that, Buck.”

He smiled. “I want you to trust me, fully. If we’re gonna do this… if you want to, that is, we’re gonna do this right. We’re gonna go to dinner and I’m gonna spoil you like you deserve. And we’re gonna take everything at your pace, okay?”

“I-I don’t wanna disappoint you, Bucky. It might take me a while to be…fully comfortable.”

He grabbed your face in both of his hands. “Listen to me. You could never disappoint me. Get that thought out of your head.”

You bit your lip and nodded.

“Now do me a favor,” he whispered. “Cancel that damn date.”

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h5eavenly · 5 months

Text

Carousel┃H.HJ SMAU

Fifty- Flickers Of The Past II.

Warnings: heavy angst, hyunyn being stupid, sexual assault (it's not graphic or detailed but i put a little X right before it in case it triggers you and you want to skip)

wc: 9.1k

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

The air smelled sweet, filled with glisters of memories and feelings you promised to bury last year. peaches, fresh and an abiding reminder of the oaths you had splintered between you and yourself. an oddity that only seems to be right in the tight space of Hyunjin’s room. Light blue colored walls equivalent to crashing waves of the ocean alongside the saltiness in the air sweeping in through his window has you slowly seeping in an almost comfortable siesta. Summer, the beach, the sweetness that had lingered on your tongue are all alluring you to the love embodied in him. You find yourself in the same mazes of vows you repeat to yourself, whispering to every passing pink colored rose that you will stop soon, you’ll just love him till next week, till next month, next six months, till the end of the year and you will stop then.

Yet his bracelet is still tight around your wrist and your heart is singing his name as if no other song can even exist at the same time as him.

Hyunjin

Hyunjin who was mere inches away from you. He is sprawled on his bed. The sound of his pencil gliding across the papers of his sketchbook in drawings you’re unaware of fills the silence in the room. Along with his rust covered fan, providing assist to the growing heat of the sun. You turn your head from where you’ve been lying on his carpeted floor, a pillow he threw at you earlier is beneath your crossed arms as you stare at him. As if mountains of worlds had nestled themselves between you, and you are nothing but a worthless rock at his doorstep, without cease for even a moment, a brush of his eyelashes over his cheeks when he blinks your way would surely be enough.

You long for him.

An invisible string ties itself around your ankle and holds you in place and swears to keep you in check. Never too far in. Never too excited, never too hopeful, and filled with infinite patience.

Hyunjin has grown a little taller with the passing days that had blended into your junior year of high school, his shoulders a little broader. Hair strands growing longer at an uncomfortable length right at the nape of his neck. You know all these silly little things, all the little details that have made their way into your memory and taken their claim there, having your eyes follow him whenever he’s near had become second nature. Spending time in his small room, listening to all the lectures his mom threw his way. Whether it be his worsening smoking habits or telling him to cut off his hair already. It’s all so unnecessary to remember but you do, you always do. The weight of them grows heavier each passing day and you wonder how your mind finds space to keep him.

And when Hyunjin finally notices your adoring eyes, never with the same adoration he looks back at you with a raised brow. A different glint in his stare that has the weight on your chest grow into an even more of a substantial threat, has your heart picking speed in yearning that’s never gonna be met.

How more foolish can your heart ever grow to be?

“Why do you keep staring at me? Are you in love with me or something angel?” The curl of his smirk brings faux annoyance to your features, wearing them proudly to hide the darkening color of your cheeks.

“You wish, asshole.” You grumble under your breath, turning your head like his walls are more worthy of remaining crumbs of your attention. Hyunjin only snorts in reply, resuming the scribbles of his pencil.

How foolish is all you can say to yourself when you move to stand up, ignoring the tugging of the string around your ankle, telling you to sit still. A warning that falls on your deafening ears.

You’re continuously losing yourself only to stumble upon yourself too far in. too excited, too hopeful, and never patient enough.

“What are you drawing?” you ask with a playful smile on your pretty face, endearing and more than anything dangerous. Hyunjin uses his body as a cover, stretching his arms to shield his sketchbook from your eyes.

“None of your business.”

“Come on. Show me” you pout, trying to peak at his hidden drawing but to no avail.

“No,” Hyunjin is stubborn, almost childishly so. It shows in the way he tries to keep sketching even with how uncomfortable his position has become.

“Hyunjin.”

“Y/N.”

“Show me.” You order for the last time, crossing your arms with squinted eyes that only makes you even look more adorable, he tries not to find you endearing as he sits up. Legs crossed on his bed and with a teasing smirk he slowly shakes his head at you.

You attack him, jumping on top of him with broken giggles and hands reaching for his sketchbook that he grabs first. An advantage in his longer arms as he pushes it under his pillow when he falls back on his sheets with the force of your body.

“You failed yet again, how sad.” He says mockingly, circling your wrists with his hands and holding you still on top of him. You fall quiet, way too aware of the position you placed yourself in, on his bed and on top of his body, in between his scent and all his belongings. The brush of his palms on the skin of your wrists, his breaths have his chest falling up and down and you feel it. You feel him under you. Your heart is constricting in your lungs with each breath of his.

“Let go of me.” You huff, wrestling against the hold he has on you.

“You jump me and now you’re telling me to let you go?” he teases, an amused look on his face as he watches you fight in hopeless attempts. He moves to hold both of your wrists in one hand while he uses the other one to sit up “Don’t tell me you’re shy now?” he muses as he brings his face closer to you and you lean back before a blush sprouts on your face. An undressing of your emotions that you run away from me.

“As if. You’re ugly and you smell bad.” You feign disgust, lips curling into a tight-lipped smile that you know annoys him.

“You’re heavy anyways.” He grumbles, rolling his eyes at you as his grip on you finally relents and you roll off him with a breath of relief that you hope he won’t notice.

“Hey, I’m on a diet.” You whisper, refusing to look at him and keeping your eyes glued to his ceiling. You try not to think about his hand brushing against yours when he lies next to you.

“Clearly it isn’t working.”

It’s a joke, one that he had thrown at you one too many times, yet it still stings. Right at the same scabbed scar your mom had been picking at ever since you could remember, it won’t close. There’s no way for it to close and his words only dig deeper at it, it falls right into it and you once again feel like nothing but a big open wound. You fall quiet, in a sadness that cannot be explained. It is between your overflowing feelings for the boy next to you and the lack of remorse you feel for your own self-hatred.

“What are you thinking about?” Hyunjin asks, propping his head on his elbow, and turning to the side to look at you. He stops the growing frown between your brows with his pointer finger. It doesn’t belong there, surely doesn’t when you look at him with those soft eyes of yours.

“School dance,” you lie.

“What? No one asked you and now you’re sad?” He raises an eyebrow at you, pushing your face away with his pointer finger when you attempt to bite him.

“Actually, I got asked three times just today.”

“Oh yeah? By whom?”

“Han from chem class, Ryujin from math and your friend Seungmin.”

“Seungmin asked you to the school dance?” he snorts, and you can’t help the giggle that escapes you at his face. Your blue feelings are pushed to the side for now.

“He didn’t tell you?” You tilt your head to look at him and the simplicity of how you act is enough for him to hold his breath, makes his insides churn and he finds himself falling into the nameless lullaby his heart sings around you. Soft, tender, and confusing.

“You better have said no.” he whispers as his fingers reach for you in scarce honesty when they brush the strands of hair over your forehead. No one has ever touched you this softly before, no one has ever been this soft when they looked at you, no one has ever managed to have you before him.

No one has ever made you this clumsy, this careless with your heart. How could you let it be stolen so easily? How could you fall for someone who carries angels in his eyes and the benevolence of the sun in his fingertips? And how could you possibly still languish after him, in hopes for him to ever look at you?

“Why? Are you scared I’ll date your best friend?” the fingers that have been gently twirling your hair turn cruel, pulling at them slightly with enough vigor to sting and you wince in pain, slapping his hand away.

“What the fuck Hyunjin?”

“Don’t even joke about that.”

“Okay you didn’t have to pull my hair.” You complain with a pout, stealing his breath and anger away with your mere existence.

“Sorry angel.” He sighs before gently massaging the spot where he pulled and you melt, right under his touch and on top of his sheets. Becoming one with everything that is owned by him, one of his many folded clothes in his closest and lodged between his pencils and erasers. There but not loved enough by him to pick you up.

“What about you? Did anyone ask you?” your heart is on the edge, bearing it to him and you realize it’s stupid.

“Yeah, but the boys think I should go with Lia. They’re saying we look good together or whatever.” He speaks so causally, as if your heart isn’t in the palm of his hand and he just squeezed it with so much force it started bleeding. Aching in maroon and abandoned, akin to a deflated balloon that isn’t fun to play with anymore.

“What do you think? Do you know her?” he asks, looking down at you through his lashes and you break into pieces, the fondness in his eyes is polished, sharp enough to be plunged into you.

Of course you know her, she fits right in with Hyunjin. With the ability to shine through crowds of people and grabbing the attention of every human they pass by. With glitter in their skin and golden sparkles in their hair. They’re everything you’re not. She’s everything you’re not. You who only appears to be some abomination.

“Yeah, I think you’d look good together.”

You’re not sure what kind of answer he had hoped for but you’re more giving than you’d like, your heart is your first enemy, unfair in the way it keeps calling for him even though he never answers.

“Maybe we should go together,” Hyunjin hums, rolling off his bed and stretching his arms above his head in a dramatic manner. At your eerie silence he looks back at you, a pause in his gaze before he grins.

“As friends you know? It would be fun.”

“mhm.”

The silence lingers, settles itself into your bones and around your bleeding heart, and it’s only there to remind you once again of how foolish you are to even hope for a glimmer of Hyunjin, a glance. But it’s never going to happen.

Your hope goes as fast as it comes yet your yearning stays.

Your heart has never known peace, so it seeks solace in the inadvertent scars Hyunjin marks on you, seeks solace in the way you bleed for him. Being in love is so embarrassing it has you soaking his sheets with crimson, leaving behind evidence of your affection that you had promised one day you’ll let go of.

He’ll never look at you the way you look at him.

How foolish.

Months pass by alongside the seasons, turning the weather into frigid wind and collecting clouds every now and then that pours rain over your city. Cold and grey yet summer remains in Hyunjin, in his smile and the dip in his cheeks, in the crinkling sides of his eyes when he’s happy and the scent of his bodywash. It keeps you warm even on days like today where the wind kisses your bare legs with frozen cold lips. The sight of him on the field, running in passion towards his ambitions is enough to have an affable feeling hugging your insides.

You sit by the sidewalk and watch like a little kid, on the bleachers, a home you find pride upon yourself to call. Your notebook that has filled with designs throughout the months lies in your bosom right where it always belongs, a page with an unfinished wedding dress is slowly coming to life between your dancing gaze and the flickers of your pencil. It’s a consequence of huddled thoughts that came to life on random night, turning you into a hopeless dreamer. Imagining yourself in different clothes that will fit whatever scenario your mind had conquered. Hyunjin is constant in each one of them.

This one by far had been the most absurd, you kept rolling in your bed trying to push down the thoughts that had invaded your head late at night, yet they remained. Despite the way you chastised yourself repeatedly you still rolled off the bed because the thoughts of drawing your own wedding dress hadn’t left your mind until it materialized itself on your paper. In your head you’re wearing it when you’re 26, old enough to know what you want and young enough to know you don’t need to waste any more time.

In your head Hyunjin is tucked in every little folder, pages upon page he filled out and in every little story you feed your delusions, he’s your knight in shining armor and in this particular tale he’s waiting for you down the aisle, his hair is even longer and it’s the mid of July, his mother is there and Hanuel who grew up too fast is tearing up. In your head Hyunjin loves you back just as much and when you face him his eyes sparkle with unyielding affection just for you. In your head everything falls perfectly into place.

“Hey Y/N.” your dreams are broken by your rather cold reality when Seungmin is sitting next you.

“Hi.” You clear your throat, a growing blush on your cheeks as you scramble to turn the page over. Refusing to be witnessed in your own acts of dreaming. His eyes flicker between the now empty page and you.

“I’m not disturbing you, am I?”

“Not at all.” You shake your head, pretending like you’re just about to start drawing. Your pencil leaves meaningless lines of graphite behind.

“You never gave me an answer, so I thought I’d come ask you again.”

“An answer for what?”

“The dance.”

“Oh. I thought I’d just go with Han since he asked me first.” You keep your eyes on your notebook, refusing to let a telling of your lie show. You hadn’t expected Seungmin to be sharp enough to cut through it all.

“You’re not saying no to me because of Hyunjin, are you?” your hand halts its movement, paused in their journey of discovering the existence of art without your best friend.

When you look up, gaze forward and they naturally fall on him you find yourself struggling to hold the pieces of your heart together, begging them to hold on for just a little more.

You lied they tell you, you said you’d move on you’d spare us this pain they yell, and you ache not because the sight of Hyunjin is devastatingly beautiful, not this time. You ache because Lia is there, right in his space and right where you don’t belong. You’re pushed to the side once more not by him but by your own infatuation that courses through your divine being. It’s cruel and violently honest when it whispers that this is how things were meant to be. When her hand is brushing his arm, there’s a gentle smile on his face, you fall apart, right on the bleachers you so called home.

“no. nothing is ever because of him.” If you repeat it enough maybe, then it will be true.

“It’s okay Y/N.” he says with his hand enveloping yours in comforting manner, tone soft just like his hands.

You kneel into a dream, where you’re loved by Hyunjin, and summer is always surrounding you.

Your friendship with Seungmin had bloomed in a serendipitous manner, taking your sorrowful days with a momentary bliss that you find yourself looking for when being around Hyunjin gets too overwhelming, too heavy for your shoulders to carry. You look for Seungmin when the weight of your very own sentiment overflows your sanity. The string around your ankle burns, too tight, too hot so you run. Away from Hyunjin and right into Seungmin.

Seungmin was so different than Hyunjin, he was soft where Hyunjin was rough, and dark where Hyunjin was light. It was comforting in a sense that you found hard to explain just because you related to him. A familiar murkiness that had lodged itself in your destiny for as long as you remember. So, you bare your soul to Seungmin, in all the little things you can’t show to Hyunjin, he’s there.

You hadn’t anticipated the fall of it all.

✘

It was a gloomy day, dreadful with rain drenching your clothes in misery you were not conscience enough to grasp it. So, you look for leverage in between the walls of Seungmin’s room, in the flooded clothes he had handed you, you don’t get to dwell on his kindness, on the warmth his clothes provide you because he’s in your space as soon as you’re out of the bathroom and he’s pinning you against the nearest wall, harsh and revolting he presses his frostbitten lips to yours.

Your gasp is swallowed by his monstrous desires and your hands are the weakest weapon, barely are when they push at his shoulders.

“W-what the fuck are you doing?” you shake, terror taking claim on you when you notice how wide blown his eyes are.

“Come on. It’s not like you didn’t know I wanted you.”

You fall into a tussle, right on his floor and you’re overpowered by his figure and then he’s pinning your hands to the ground with unbreakable force. An unrecognizable vile flicker in his eyes, one that you hadn’t noticed before and it has your chest tightening around your heart, struggling to breath as your eyes well up with terrifying tears.

“Seungmin please let go of me. Don’t do this.” You plea with desperation lacing your voice and it cascades down with your tears, achingly familiar with fright.

“It’s okay Y/N. You don’t have to fight me this will be quick.” He voices darkly and your panic grows, translating in the trashing of your legs, futile attempts to break free “No! I don’t want this let go.”

His grip on you grows unrelenting, harsh and it burns when they tighten around your wrists, his hips press your body into the floor, and you feel trapped between him and his dirty floor. It has nausea building in the pit of your stomach and anxiety running through your veins.

“Please Seungmin.” You break and he pauses, eyes dancing over features “Why are you crying Y/N? Did you seriously think I spent all that time with you because I cared? Do you really think someone who’s broken as you is worth anyone’s time?” his words sink themselves into your bones, needles into your flesh and you shake your head. He almost coos at you, hand cupping your cheek as they brush over your tears but they’re endless, almost as endless as your pain.

“Who are you even saving yourself for mhm? Hyunjin? You realize how ridiculous that is right? You should be thankful that I’m giving you a chance and touching you right now. No one else would.”

That night, Seungmin had managed to use every little secret you told him against you, mumbling them into your skin until they became the entirety of you. Your wounds, deep and ugly, too hideous to show are all what makes you, you. And resentment fills you at the trivial thought of your existence. A mere cobblestone that only ever holds everyone else back, has everyone stumbling on you.

You leave Seungmin’s house not even half a person anymore but simply nothing, and you find comfort in the nothingness in your mind, a comfort in the numbness that washes over you with the rain. A silly part of you prays the water washes away the feeling of his hands on you, his lips and maybe to steal your mind with it. So, when you wake up none of this would be real, it would be all just a stupid nightmare that gives you temporary panic.

It has your feet following a familiar route in search of comfort, for a rush of sun that would be lovely enough to sanitize you, yet you’re only allowed to wither away in the cold when you see Hyunjin with Lia right outside his house, he’s holding an umbrella over her head and a hue of pink, and yellow surrounded them. A barrier you’re not allowed to break with your greys, so you leave, a whirlwind of emotions carries you through the night, stormy and ghastly.

Catastrophic of the ever so-called love you held onto, it takes you right to the beach, with frigid air, you weep, wishing for yourself to liquify with the water to be taken away, you wish to dissipate, become one with the wind or maybe to deteriorate into nothing but stardust that will fly away, not big enough to be seen or bright enough for intriguing stares. But you stay, you’re there upon the sands and you’re there in cracks of your painful misery, in the heartbreak flooding you with an immense type of agony, resembles the first heartbreak you experienced while witnessing your father’s betrayal. You’re there right betwixt in the sickening layers that coat you.

You wonder how much of your mother has she left in you? The anger, sadness, and the constant waiting for a man to look back at you only to be pushed aside for someone else, someone better someone who’s not always lingering with insanity in their love. How much of your mother’s destiny are you forced to live? Was this heinous heartbreak in your blood or could it be washed away by the winter rain?

The second time you feel utter despair in your life, you die, leaving behind your body unbeknownst to your departure.

You avoid Hyunjin for three full weeks. It all happens so easily amid fake excuses you throw at him. You no longer wait for him after practice and instead you rush home with half-truths like your mom wants you to be home. You watch Hyunjin’s light grow dimmer and dimmer you each time you avoid his eyes, each time you flinch when he touches you and each time he smiles at you, you drown in your shame. In the memory of his friend’s hands on your body, you have been tainted, inside and out so you must leave. How could you stay by his side when he’s so bright it blinds you.

So, you lock yourself away in ignominy, it takes over you every time you and Seungmin are too close in the same radius and a breath of relief escapes you whenever he passes by and pretends you’re not there, he doesn’t look your way and you grow thankful, somehow indebt to him because now you can pretend none of it was real.

Your running and Hyunjin’s burning for you all accumulates to one random Monday, an aching in his heart that draws him to you, looking for you in the faces of everyone he passes by, in the voices of all the girls that talk to him all day but they’re not you. He looks for you in his sketchbook that has been filled with portraits of you he craved carefully, with heedful attention yet they don’t compare to you. Nothing ever compares to you.

His life was a chaotic mess, noisy and he strives on mayhem, has felt it bloom in the middle of his chest and into the districts of his jumbled-up brain. But you’re so different, you’re in the wind, soundless and gentle, you’re in the masses of the ocean strong and beautiful. So, he learns to love you in silence, from a distance. Hyunjin learns to love the moon just for you while you convulsion in loneliness and yearn for him. Constantly missing the sunlight.

“How was your test?” Han holds the door of the class open for you and you pass by him with a thankful smile, your scent loiters right under his nose.

“Not too bad, you?”

“I’m pretty sure I got everything right.”

“As expected of you.” You smile at him, and he immediately looks away with pinking cheeks that you don’t seem to notice, too busy checking through your answers as you navigate your way between the students to your locker.

However, Hyunjin who has been waiting for you right by at it notices, it has his fingers digging into the flesh of his arms in anger. Fresh out of a practice that wasn’t his best. Does not help him in the slightest and instead adds fuel to his already growing anger, it runs straight through his blood, tainting it green with jealously he didn’t know what felt like till he set his eyes on you. It claws at him, plasters itself right in the center of his chest and compresses it into painful tugs.

Why was it so painful to look at you sometimes?

He grits his teeth when the boy next you he doesn’t recognize wraps his arm around your shoulder in caution when you almost bump into one of the students clumsily and you smile at him, mumbling words that he cannot hear, letting another person that isn’t him touch you. It isn’t him so why are you letting it happen?

“Y/N.” He calls when you ‘re close enough and still haven’t spared him a look, too busy listening to whatever nonsense the nerd next to you is saying. Why are you letting a loser like him even be this close to you?

“Oh! Hyunjin.” Your eyes lit up when you see him and yet he fails to notice. Too blinded by his growing possessiveness.

“This is han! From chem class. Remember I told you about him?” Your tone is too cheerful for his liking, and it makes him even more confused, growing angrier at the glowing smile on your pretty face. You were supposed to preserve that for his and his eyes only. How do you dare to throw it around so casually as if it wasn’t dangerous. As if you hadn’t stolen a piece of him with that same smile.

“Hwang Hyunjin, right? I saw your game last week! Dude you’re insane.” The nerdy boy – lanky and comely – Han rambles on, extending his hand out to the taller who doesn’t move an inch. Keep his figure leaned on your locker and his stare hardens into a glare.

“Hyunjin!” you scold in a hushed whisper when Han awkwardly retracts his hand, Hyunjin doesn’t even look at you, keeps his stare glued to the boy as if he looked away something that will only anger him is gonna occur again.

“Okay well! I guess I’m gonna go.” Han’s voice cuts through the awkwardness and the building tension between the glared stares of you and Hyunjin “I’ll see you tonight?” he turns to you, and you nod enthusiastically.

“What was that?” you ask, facing Hyunjin with a raised brow.

“I should be the one asking. What the fuck was that? What does he mean see you tonight?” Hyunjin scowls, features twisting with bitterness.

“The school dance is tonight. I told you he asked me.”

“And I told you we should go together.”

“I didn’t agree to that.” You reply nonchalantly, pushing his shoulder and he moves away from your locker, for you to open it and rummage through your stuff, looking for the book of your next class.

“I don’t know why you’re so against us going together.” He almost whines, annoyed and frustrated at the walls you refuse to break down. At the fact that you have been avoiding him for a while now. He only ever craves you, yet you remain unattainable in ways that only drives him crazy, so he’ll settle for a segment of you, no matter how small or big.

“And I don’t know why you want us to go together so bad.” You shut your locker, throwing him a side look and Hyunjin bites his tongue in attempts to swallow his words down hoping you won’t notice his fidgeting.

“I don’t think Han is good for you. He looks at you weird.” You roll your eyes at his futile tries and he’s growing hopeless.

“We’re just friends, Hyunjin.”

“Friends don’t go to dances together Y/N.”

“What about us then?”

“We’re different.”

“How exactly are we different?” you raise an eyebrow promptly at his words and Hyunjin sighs, defeatedly brushing a hand over his face. He doesn’t know how to answer you, doesn’t know how to tell you that you have contrived to crave open his heart and sat yourself inside. So, he falters instead, hoping your eyes contact is somewhat fulfilling enough for you to listen for once.

“Just go with Lia. Weren’t you telling me all about how pretty she is?” Hyunjin groans louder than you anticipated, capturing the attention of the people around you and so evidently obvious with furiousness when his eyes widen, fliting across your feature “why are you bringing her up now? I don’t understand you Y/N.”

“I don’t understand you either Hyunjin!” you retaliate, your own frustration grows at this seemingly endless discussion that seems to be heading nowhere in direction. At him pretending like he won’t toss you away again when he sees her.

“Just fucking go with me Y/N. Please.” There’s desperation lacing his voice, like he could crumble and fall right at your feet and cry, but he won’t ever tell you about the truth of his feelings, a coward in the act of facing you, facing his growing emotions for you.

“Unless you give me a valid reason then no. you don’t get to order me around.” You shake your head at him, there’s splashes of hurt on your face that he misses, a deflated hope that pokes at you and a hue of grey that reminds you once again of how impolitic you are, and he misses it.

You walk away taking your shine along with you, it drags behind you and leaves the hallway growing cold, cruel, and dark and it looms right on top of his head and body. Filling his limbs with the pain of feeling for you.

Your figure grows further and further away, almost mockingly evoking the stinging reality that he won’t ever get to have you, you’re always slipping between the cracks of his fingers easily. Each time he thought he had a good grip on you, you managed to escape. Leaving him only with a figment of you.

Hyunjin is always missing you.

Later that night when your mother has helped you in a red dress that fitted right onto your body like a glove, there’s a rare almost proud smile on her face as she looks down your reflection in the mirror.

“Your body looks perfect darling.” Your smile doesn’t even look like it belongs there when you force it, your own reflection stares back at you in pity and you wither away alongside your confidence that dies slowly with the brush of her hand.

“Thank you, mommy.”

“I’m so glad you’re not going with that Hwang kid. I was scared you’re gonna end up stuck on him forever.” At the mention of his name your heart falls in your chest and breaks, then it hangs in the air, like it wraps around your throat and you’re fighting against it to breathe.

“He’s not as bad as you think.” You try to defend, tone weak and nowhere near convincing, nowhere near as he is in your heart.

“Your dad saw him smoking with the shady kids from down the street. Trust me when I say he’s not good for you.” She rambles on, disgusted and judgmental as she starts to fold the abandoned yellow dress you refused to put on despite your mom’s likeness, you couldn’t put it on without feeling like a phoney. It resembled the sun too much and you couldn’t bear to feel Hyunjin on your skin anymore. You couldn’t bear to be the only person to be standing in this love anymore.

“Crushes come and go Y/N. believe me when I tell you boys like Hyunjin are never the smart choice.”

Your mother’s words echo in your mind, bumping into the walls of your brain and begging to find meaning in them, truth in the pain that lingers in your chest because of him. Your fingers brush over your bracelet delicately as if his initial is his face and you wish for your warmth to reach him. This feeling bumping life into your heart is lonely, embarrassing and more than anything: persisting. Stubbornly so as it feeds you hope that only breaks your back in half, leaving you walking home only half a person, never full.

You keep selfishly buying specks of the unforgiving sun, collecting them one by one in your soul, keeping count of everything without much effort. It may be fleeting. A minuscule fragment of his smile, his dimple, the mole under his eye. You buy all the time you could afford and spend it watching him unravel his youth in his hobbies, soccer, drawing, dancing and just like a proud mother you cheered, a loving father you had waited and a good friend you listened.

But none of these things could ever change who you are, none of these things have made Hyunjin look at you and he never will.

you who’s still living life in darkness just needed to embrace the truth for once.

And that’s why you had promised yourself to live tonight as a normal teenager would, not a girl who’s broken down by the weight of her dad’s betrayal, not a girl who’s pitifully wilting away with great ardor for her best friend but rather a free human. Akin to a bird flying away from the shackles of the contents of your own flesh, recklessly so-called heart. So, you tilt your head with a smile when Han hands you a bouquet of red flowers that matches your dress when he picks you up, you let him guide you through the crowd with a hand on the end of your back and you let him dance with you, a beam on his face that’s almost as bright as the sun. Almost. And you tremendously cling to it. In pitiable ambition to forget about the existence of Hyunjin just for a mere a night, perhaps a mere moment that quickly turns into you pretending. Throwing yourself a silly play where you’re laughing with your whole chest and there are no residues of stubborn heartbreak that plastered itself onto you. A play where you’re the puppet and you are the puppet master, urging yourself to run away and hide from your own desires.

It's all feigned indifference when Han’s arms are around your waist and he’s pulling you closer, it’s not summer and it’s not genial. But perhaps summer was just not your season, you’re nothing close to a rose, nowhere near pretty petals and you will never be redolent. You’re something akin to stem thorns, grotesque and you’ll stab anything that touches you.

Your play ends too soon when Hyunjin is pushing through the crowds of people, fueled by rage and your confused stare when he’s standing in front of you. It all happens too quickly, your gasps mixed with everyone else around you when his fist collides with Han’s jaw. A gruesome play steals the show instead. It’s all a result of Hyunjin’s cowardness and your self-hatred. Han is only a victim that gets run over in the process.

This is it then, the point of no return.

"Y/N!" Hyunjin calls out to you, breathless and high on adrenaline when he follows you. As if he hadn’t just left a crime scene behind. As if Han wasn’t a bloody mess left behind, an aftermath of his foolish and pathetic attempt to take false claim over you. You, and that’s it. It’s all what he ever wanted.

"Leave me alone!" you shout back, walking faster and away from him. Needing to get away from him with your tears clinging to your waterline like pearls.

"Can you stop running away for once? That's all you fucking do. Face me for a change." he yells back angrily, frustration seeping into his words. And you stop abruptly in your track, turning to face him with venom filled expression and like a sick twisted bastard he’s happy you’re showing him emotions other than nonchalant.

“Maybe I’ll face you when you stop fucking acting like a child that throws a tantrum every time things don’t go his way.”

“What was I supposed to do? You iced me out, you won’t even look at me!”

“So, you go and hit my fucking date?” you yell in complete frustration, your voices echo in the empty street and you explode, overflowed with anger and longing has you marching back to him “Just who the fuck do you think you are Hyunjin? What’s wrong with you?”

“You’re what’s wrong with me Y/N! can’t you fucking see it? You’re everything that’s wrong with me.”

“Then fucking me let me be Hyunjin. If’ I’m so awful if I’m so wrong, why do you care?” your anger evaporates, blends into the waterfall spilling over your cheeks in an achingly familiar manner, burns and you’re nothing but a child pulled together with anger and resentment for the world.

“You’re my friend of course I care.”

“We can never be friends Hyunjin.” You scoff, shaking your head in disbelief as you turn to walk away but he stops you, a hand wrapped around your forearm.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Exactly what I said.” When you try to break free his hold on you tightens.

“What are you trying to say? What do you mean we can’t be friends?” He questions, voice cracking with his every word.

“I can never be your fucking friend. I can’t pretend anymore. this will never work.” The pain in your voice matches the one starting to swim in his eyes. A part of you scolds you, chastises you for being so cruel how could you inflict pain on him? You should fix it now.

Yet you stand still, remind yourself of the string that wraps around your ankle and when Hyunjin’s grip relents, growing gentle, you break free with a sniffle.

“So, this is it? You’re just gonna leave me behind?”

“You will never understand.” You bitterly chuckle.

“I will never understand what? Y/N Tell me.” He urges like your words had physically hurt him, settled in his heart, and tore it apart.

“You will never understand that I am fucking in love with you!” You feel as if the world around you stills, your own words hang over you, right under the star-speckled sky you had finally confessed to your biggest sin in a blood-soaked dress.

“I love you, okay? No matter what I do this love won’t leave me alone it consumes every fiber of my being, and I can’t do anything but stay still. I can’t be me anymore I can’t exist without you yet being next to you kills me. I don’t know how to do anything but let it take over me completely. it has spread through me like a disease I can’t get rid of it.” You breathe out with a heaving chest.

Choked by your own tears and the spikes of love that were stabbed in your throat finally dies, killed by your affirmations of affections and your salty tears. It’s bittersweet, the love on your tongue and the upcoming end. But then Hyunjin is in your range, dangerously close and he’s pulling you into him and into an unexpectedly dangerous kiss. It’s bittersweet but then it’s only sweet, in his honey dripping lips, peaches and fruity.

His kiss is dizzying, like a carousel going so round and round that you’re almost flying into the night.

“Say it again.” He whispers, the tenderness in his voice washing over you and when his thumb brushes over your cheeks, wiping away your tears it casts a flicker of hope into your fragile heart. ”Please tell me you love me again.” He speaks again and you can only cry, looking for answers in his eyes to the growing confusion in you.

“Tell me you feel the same way I do. Tell me you’ve loved me like I’ve loved you all along.” He pleads with unguarded vulnerability.

“You love me?” The words tumble from your lips in a rush, coated in disbelief and for the first time you let your hope grow, let it flop its wings in your chest and take space.

“I’ve done nothing these past two years but burn for you. I see your face in my reflection and hear your voice in my head. I find your love in the silence of my chaos. I don’t know how to be anything but in love with you Y/N.”

“But how? How is this possible?” Your tears are akin to a river, endless and forceful. When Hyunjin wipes them, they only multiply as if they’re aware of how something like this could not be your reality.

There’s a newfound emotion in Hyunjin’s eyes, in his smile when he rests his forehead against yours in earnest attempt to flower this hope alongside you “How could it not be possible when I’ve found you in every passing moment I breathed? How could it not to be possible when I know I’ll love you till the very last star in the sky burned into oblivion?”

You’ll always remember the night everything changed, the night you stopped falling in love and instead was taken away with it, the night you started walking into love with Hyunjin.

It’s all so fresh in your memory, the beginning of the end, the way it ended when it never really began. It’s all so fresh and it all felt real in your heart even when three months later Hyunjin has missed more dates than the ones you went on. When he left you alone in the hallways of your school. Leaving you once again to grow lonely in the tomb of your short love. It all falls apart before you get to blink.

The yearning for Hyunjin subsides and is replaced by the yearning for him to put you first. You could tell that despite your importance in his heart he grew accustomed to your presence way too quickly. He doesn’t get to miss you long enough because you’re always here, on the bleachers waiting for him, stood up in public waiting for him, and wide awake in your bed waiting for a text back.

You’re always in a state of waiting, like you’ve been in the cold for far too long, you wait for the warmth of the sun.

The lonesomeness melds into your being, becoming one with you and follows you like a shadow. Glued and unseparated. So, you settle, for less, for mere specks of sunlight and you close off. On all the unspoken words that dig your grave deeper and deeper, pulling you right into the darkness you believed you’d be able to run away from.

Fate has managed to prove to you how bloodthirsty it is yet again, sinking its fangs into you and sucking every bit of life that runs through your veins. It’s in the way your life starts to crumble once again.

In the middle of the week, your mother finds you in the living room. A glare plastered on her aged-up face. A cruelness dousing the edges of her scowl when she stands in front of you, hands crossed on her chest.

“Your father saw you with Hyunjin.” She declares as if you should be ashamed and you could only sigh in response, tired in the way your shoulders deflate.

“So?”

“I thought I told you to cut him off already. Your father is angry.”

“I don’t care what my father thinks.” You stand up, already checked out from this conversation and heading towards the stairs.

“You must care. We’re moving away by the end of the week.”

“What? And you’re just telling me this now?” You exclaim in frustration and your mother’s scowl only deepens, displeased with the raise in your voice.

“Just listen to your father Y/N.” she orders like you aren’t human and in that moment, you feel like you aren’t. you melt onto the ground beneath, and you leave everything behind, your skin, your bones, your very self.

Later that night you’re sitting on the edge of your empty bed, your phone tightly clutched in your hand it buzzes with an incoming call, and you wipe your tears with the back of your hand, picking it up seconds later.

“Hello?”

“Hey angel.” His voice is airy and comforting in a way that could only be glued to him. And you swallow down your sob. At your silence he sighs.

“Are you upset with me? I know I promised I’d walk you home today, but practice took longer than I expected.”

“it’s okay.” You whisper a lie, it’s never okay and you have accepted that it never will be. You did the math and now you know there’s no way for you two to last. It was a new revolution, a terrifying one knowing that love isn’t always enough.

“Look out the window baby.”

When you pull your curtains, his figure looking up at you has every negative emotion in you dissolving into nothing but a feeling of abandonment. You realize at the end of this night you’ll be the one to walk away yet you still feel like you have been betrayed. It seeps into your bones and makes them shake, spreading through your spine in painful terror when he brings a singular pink rose before him.

“You love pink roses, so I got you this. Forgive me?” He grins up at you, eyes morphing into their usual moon crescents and your chest tightens in an inhumanly possible agony.

“I’ll always forgive you Hyunjin.” You could only hope the darkness of the nights aids in hiding the tears brimming in your waterline.

An hour later and you manage to find yourself settled upon the familiar sand of the beach. A heavy feeling takes claim on your soul, taking over every cranny and nook of your being and you let it. Because what are you if not defeated, what are you if not a quitter. You grew tired of constantly fighting, resisting with your fists balled up. So, you let go, in honor of all the secrets you’ll take with you, all the white lies that will remain white. Hidden away from Hyunjin because you refuse to take away his shine, you refuse to be the reason he loses trust in the beauty of the world.

So, you’ll play the villain, you’ll welcome his resentment for you with open arms and a crying face.

Tonight, the ocean is a witness to your ending just as it was a witness to your beginning.

“I’m gonna miss you.” You whisper to Hyunjin who sits next you, unknowing of what’s about to come and he leans into your palm that had cuddled his cheek. Nuzzles into it with and places a soothing kiss right into the lines of your palm, draws a map with his lips that will always lead you back to him.

“I promise not to make you miss me anymore.”

A year

Two

And three later you know there will be moments where your hearts will reach out for each other. And so, you lean forward, taking his lips for yours in a gentle kiss, tender, delicate and you tattoo farewell onto his lips.

“You don’t have to promise me anything anymore Hyunjin.” You hadn’t realized you started crying until his eyes flitted across your features in worry and confusion.

“What’s wrong angel?” raw concern laces his tone, and you deem yourself unworthy so you stand up and he follows blindly, a choked sob wrecking its way through your body as his arms embraces you, his heart aches in attempts to hold yours, to ease it and you don’t have the courage to tell him it’s not enough.

“I’m sorry about everything I promise to make it up to you baby.” He tries and tries and tries and it’s almost too late, so you break free of his hug and you attempt to smile at him, unsettling with your tear streaked face and it has his heart dropping right between you two.

“I don’t think we have time for that anymore jinnie.”

“What does that mean?” his eyes search yours in panic, as if they’re sensing your plan.

“I love you.” You ignore his question, standing on your tiptoes to place a short chaste kiss on his lips “I’ll love you for as long as I live.” You whisper against them, a rare truth of yours that will surely linger in the silence he always runs away from. You realize it then, both of you are constantly running so how is it possible for you to ever meet?

“Why are you talking as if you’re saying goodbye Y/N?” his eyebrows furrow and he’s never looked so desperate for an answer.

“Because I am.” Your sweaty palms squeeze his and you can’t understand why you can’t stop forcing your lips into forming a smile. Part of your brain tells you, you want Hyunjin’s last memories of you to be you smiling but it’s so foolish, specially so when you can’t stop crying, when your tears are leaving a trail of hideous evidence on your cheeks.

“You’re leaving me?” The pieces of the puzzle are suddenly falling into place and the pain flashing in his eyes is a reminder of the blood on your hands. The blood on your feet when you step on his heart.

“I’m sorry Hyunjin.” Your words are nothing but a broken record that you repeat to him, to yourself, to your memories and to the beach and then you do the only thing you’re good at, you run, choking on your tears as you walk past him and Hyunjin does the only good thing he’s good at, he chases you.

“what do you mean you’re sorry Y/N? if this is about how I treated you these past months then I’m sorry I promise to try harder I promise to spend more time-“

“It doesn’t matter!” you interrupt him with a yell, a cry for help to not make this harder for you “none of this matters Hyunjin. Let’s just end this before it’s too late.” The words taste foreign on your tongue, you never imagined yourself to mutter them not when you were a carbon copy of your mother, a woman that will always put love first, because what are you if not a cracked stone desperate for love.

“Please Y/N.” and what is Hyunjin if not a mere being desperate for crumbs of you, it’s in the way his eyes shine with tears he hadn’t shed since his father died. Sparkling so beautifully it’s unfair when he’s on his knees for you.

“Please stay. Please don’t leave me. I can’t breathe when you’re not near.”

“Please just let me let you go.” Hyunjin cries at your words and you wonder when did your relationship turn into you two constantly pleading for different things the other cannot afford. Cannot fulfill.

You feel it then, more than ever, more than you were alone in love. You feel centimeters between your bodies stretch farther and farther. Building itself into mountains you cannot climb and oceans upon oceans you cannot cross. You’re suddenly paralyzed. A weak human who never learned how to swim, you never learned to love correctly and how to unlock your heart without a shadow of your lies lingering right around the corner and ready to take over.

So, you leave Hyunjin like a torn-up piece of paper behind you, a poem of broken promises and loving touches that only turn to venom and keeps him awake at night.

You realize you spent half your time wishing for him and he was yours you spent it fighting for his attention, wishing for him to put you as priority and when you lost him you kept wishing to be remembered. You were always wishing, never satisfied. So even when the sun shines the next day, you’re still aching all over.

Three days later Hyunjin strolls to your house, his sketchbook in his hands and apology on his tongue dissolves when he finds it empty. The cruelty of your actions dawns on him, and it breaks his heart into a million tiny pieces, impossible to put back together. Your face in his pages remains unseen to you and instead stays in between his belongings. His muse is gone, and you turn to be a distant a memory. He breaks over you then he hates you, and it blends into him missing you only for him to hate you again.

He realizes he never really knew you, a part of you had always managed to stay hidden. Just like the moon. There was no moment in time when he had all of you and so he resents you.

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

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mrsdarkandyandere7 · 1 year

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(Dark!) Scenario: Sexual Assault

Pairing: Dark Ethan Landry x (female) Reader

▶ This is a yandere/dark work and it may contain triggering content so please READ THE WARNINGS before. Do not read if minor.

More at Masterlist

SCENARIO: Ethan's girlfriend suffers sexual assault.

WARNINGS: Sexual Assault (Rape!) + Don’t read the end if your heart is weak.

Please, reblog and give me feedback.

The only person that would be more heartbroken than you is your boyfriend. You can see it in his face how much it hurt - broke - his heart that such a tragedy happened to you.

Blaming himself for what happened. He’s your boyfriend so you’re his responsibility. He should've been there to protect you, to shield you from the evil in this world.

But he’s here for you now. Every therapy appointment, every medical exam, every police interrogation, he’s always there. Giving you a shoulder to cry on, drying your tears away, giving you all the love and support you need.

He’s the only person that makes you feel better as your whole world shatters.

You never saw it coming. It’s one of those things that always happens to others, never you. And this time, you weren’t so lucky.

That whole night is a blur, only shreds of it coming back. It was Halloween’ night party and you went out with your group of friends.

Ethan also tagged along but you vaguely remember kissing him goodbye as he left early because of a headache but not before practically demanding your friends to take good care of you.

You remember the sharp lights, the banging music, the pushy crowd. A red plastic cup in your hand and while the content seemed normal at the first few gulps, it made you dizzy with a speed that wasn't natural.

You remember stumbling back to your dorm, you’re not even sure how the hell you managed to walk back in the awful drunken state you were in.

You never saw his face, quickly manhandled into the bed with your face shoved on the bed as he fucked you from behind. You’re grateful for the blurry memories you have, only fragments of it coming back.

The punishing pace he had, like he was taking out his anger on you. The brutal thrusts that lasted forever as he furiously chased his high, ignoring the pain he was causing you. How strong he was, body weighing heavy on top of you, his hands holding your body down, making sure you didn’t get away from him.

Ethan is the only one that doesn’t pressure you to remember things. Everyone asks for details - any small detail would help, they say - but Ethan allows you to hide in the darkness of the oblivion, maybe he knows that, deep down, you don’t really want to remember. You want to forget it.

What happened changed you.

You become more secluded, preferring the comfort of your house as you move back instead of going out. Nights out are a heavy no for you, not even your parents feel at ease with it and neither does Ethan, but you also don’t mind.

You join online college, effectively becoming a hermit. Hiding behind a screen makes you feel safe, people can’t judge you like that.

Ethan frequently keeps you company after his classes and the two of you spend evenings in a lazy but comfortable way, watching movies or studying. It’s a nice routine and soon you get used to it.

He always hesitates before touching or kissing you and you feel grateful that he’s considerate of your feelings. His kisses are soft and short, never leading to anything more. He knows you still need time to heal from your trauma.

You slowly push away your friends, avoiding their texts or invitations to hang out. Even when they come to visit you, you barely utter a few words. You don’t know why you’re doing it, maybe it’s a coping mechanism or maybe you blame them for what happened to you.

Maybe if they had stuck closer to you instead of leaving you on your own…

But it’s fine, you have Ethan and that’s all that matters.

Hugs make you claustrophobic but not his. No, having Ethan’s strong arms around you makes you feel protected, secured. Like no bad thing in this world can get to you.

One day Ethan comes to your house only to rush back to the college, having forgotten a book of his. You chuckle when you notice he left his phone behind, but you let it be. He’ll be back soon, anyways.

You only wanted to check for any games he could have on his phone, but the sweet collection of photos he has in his gallery distracts you.

It makes your heart melt when you look at them. Dozens of pictures of you and Ethan light up the screen and you fondly recognize them as most of them were taken by you.

You almost pout when they come to an end and you decide to check his cloud for more photos, he probably has more there given how he likes to keep everything safe in his online account.

But the warm smile soon slips from your face, heart dropping to your stomach as a video automatically starts playing.

And you’re in it.

It’s a bit hard to see, only a dim light illuminating the room but you know it’s you.

That’s you, pressed against the bed as Ethan hovers over you, his movements never stopping even as you cry.

Your boyfriend is the one that assaulted you.

#@mrsdarkandyandere7 #yandere x reader #tw: yandere #yandere ethan landry #yandere ethan landry x reader #ethan landry x reader #dark ethan landry #dark!ethan landry #dark!ethan landry x reader #dark ethan landry x reader #scream 6 #tw.dark content #tw.noncon #tw: noncon

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maximumkillshot · 10 months

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"I Can't Lose You" Part 6

Warnings: Aftermath of a miscarriage, descriptions of grief due to losing a baby, Angry Everyone, Death is mentioned, Wanting Death, Shock, Grief, PTSD Flashback, Panic, there is a parallel to a person jumping off a bridge (NOT ACTUALLY)

Pairing: Bangchan x Reader

Characters: Stray Kids, Reader

A/N: Ok if you read the above, you'll notice that anger is in the warnings. This is the first half of a chapter that had me crying as I wrote it. This is something that you all need to take into consideration... I LOVE YOU GUYS AND I AM SORRY IN ADVANCE ONCE AGAIN. My asks are always open for you guys to vent about this one.

Also remember, this is a fanfic. All of the boys are so sweet IRL.

Stray Kids! Masterlist

Overall Masterlist

ALL WORK IS UNDER ME AND MY BLOG. DO NOT TRY TO REPUBLISH OR STEAL MY WORK, AS THAT IS COPYRIGHTED UNDER ME AND IS CONSIDERED COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT WHICH IS A PUNISHABLE OFFENSE.

ANY WORK THAT YOU SEE ON OTHER SITES THAT ARE MY WORKS PLEASE NOTIFY ME IMMEDIATELY.

Previously:

He was mad at himself at those thoughts, Chris was so clearly into you so he used Bin’s insecurities against him… and it had worked. He thought about how all of this wouldn’t have happened and you and him would be happy together. That’s all he ever wanted for you. That was why he let you go in the first place. He wanted you to be happy.

After about half an hour of hushed talking, while Bin kept you relaxed, a set of footsteps walked down the hall. Just hearing them, Bin’s ears perked up. They had an authority to them, almost pompous in nature. Commanding… he knows those steps.

Now:

The minute Minho saw who it was entering the room his whole body went rigid, his hands in fists at his side as he got up and used his body to block whoever it was. He motioned for the boys to get closer to the bed. All of them standing, ready to jump.

“Just let me talk to her,” Bin’s vision started getting blurry, on the verge of blacking out with rage. He looked down to you, very unbothered by the sudden voice that assaulted the tranquility of the room. The first tranquil moment you've had in months. Months of your husband hiding and sneaking. And months of you planning and working excitedly making every detail perfect.

Bin made a split-second decision to lightly cover your ear that wasn't to his chest. Trying to prolong the inevitable.

Next up was Han as he said in a hushed tone, “she’s finally asleep. You are not coming in this room, Chris.” His tone was dark and that one sentence rolled off of his tongue like a warning.

“She’s my wife. I am going to see her whether you like it or not.” He sounded annoyed. Like this was an inconvenience. Bin did everything in the book to calm his heart, which was starting to spike at just hearing his voice.

Bin went on an internal tirade, how dare he come here? Killing your child wasn't enough? Making you so stressed out that you almost bled to death wasn't enough? Ripping your heart out and trampling it… not enough for him? NOOO let's show up when it's convenient, when no one expects it, playing the 'husband' card. When Bin knew he CLEARLY gave up that title already.

Especially when you did everything to be available for him. When he started to pull away you came to Bin and Han in tears, not knowing what to do. You love him so much that you actively went to find out what it was. Was it your weight? Did you talk too much or not enough? Did you ask for too much? Did you seem too boring? He has already been enough of a plague on your life already.

Minho giggled darkly, “You really want to die today, huh? Did you not hear Han, she’s resting. Now go away.”

“Not until I see her.” His voice raised slightly. The bite in his voice made Minho want to strangle him, to be honest. He doesn’t have any entitlement to you. Especially after what he’s done. As far as what Minho thinks, Chris was never your husband. No husband neglects their wife. No husband makes their wife lay awake at night, worried about if he had eaten or not, or if she’d even see him when she woke up.

That was enough for you to stir on Bin’s chest. Bin had to think quickly as he said "It's okay, go to sleep, Angel. I'm here," in the most delicate whisper. That was enough to knock you out again, humming against his chest.

Chris pulled back the curtain, even though Han and Minho tried their best to get him away. At that point, I.N, who was the closest to Chan, blocked him from your bedside.

“Get away from her.” He whispered, “She’s too fragile right now.”

Chris just looked at I.N. and said, “No one is keeping me from my wife, you’re lucky I even went along with it for this long. I’m not going to wake her.”

The venom in Chan's voice made the hair on Bin’s neck and arms raise. Not out of fear, no he could snap Chris in half if he was pissed off enough. His hair raised out of anger and knowing he couldn't do anything about it. The fact that Chan had the audacity to come into that room after what he did, knowing that you are fragile. That you barely made it out, and even now, you aren’t completely out. Yet there he was trying to force himself in. Like he had a right to be there, even though he was the one that caused it.

I.N looked at Han and Han signaled him to let it go.

Han knew that he was right, none of them had spousal rights. So technically Chris can kick them out, especially because she is still so weak, she can’t fend for herself or be able to sternly say ‘get out’ to her husband, not without consequences. They had no other choice.

Bin looked at Chan as he took a seat next to the bed, taking in your sleeping form. His heart was breaking at seeing how weak you looked. Your cheeks were slightly sunken in and your face was completely pale. The dark circles dominated your eyes, making your face look more like a mummy as opposed to a living breathing person. He looked at your arm with a blood bag hooked to it. When he looked up at Bin he could see that it took everything in Bin’s body not to kill him.

Bin just mouthed to him, “What the fuck are you doing here, get out.” The more that he looked at Chan the more he wanted to rip him apart. He looked well rested, smelled like he showered, hell he even did his hair. That pissed Changbin off. You’d think that he would at least look more disheveled. Given, he could see that he did look worried and sad. He didn’t look guilty.

Chris just ignored him and kept looking at you. Chris was transfixed on you. He was even more transfixed by your hold on Changbin. You looked like you were cuddling your favorite teddy bear. He remembered the last time you held him like that. Yesterday morning, when he came home to sleep for two hours, the minute the bed dipped you subconsciously reached for him, and he slightly rolled his eyes as he succumbed to his fate, smile on his face. You sighed so happily, you mumbled, ‘Mhmm missed you, love you,’ as you kissed his bare chest, and just like you’re positioned now, you were asleep. Now seeing you holding Bin like that makes jealousy more prominent in his mind.

It makes him sick to think about all of this as he plays with his wedding ring, thinking about not feeling you again, your hugs, your breath on his skin. The moans that’d he pull out of you, soothing his soul. The looks that’d make his heart stop. The giggle that’d be forced out even if you were mad. Not having the feeling of your skin on his, these thoughts make him want to die. He’s trying to actively ignore it. He’s trying to ignore the fact that he did something so disgusting, so unforgivable that he lost you. For him, it’s easier to be angry, angry and convinced that you’ll come back. That’s why he is doing what he is doing. That’s why he walked with bravado into that room.

He went to put some hair behind your ear just to have some contact and I.N’s hand flew out and wrapped his hand around his wrist. His jaw set. Bin wanted to do the exact same but it’d jolt you.

I.N. growled “No.. touching… get out of the room,” his brows furrowed, his usually soft eyes looking more like a piercing gaze.

Being the maknae, he has never challenged Chan before… At all. There’s a good reason as to why he is challenging him right now. Innah has always felt like he was awkward. He didn’t really know where he belonged in the team. Yes, he has a good voice and yes he’s good with choreography but he never really hung out with people other than Seungmin and Felix.

You being the person you are, you figured it out. He was watching one day, just seeing all of the members interacting, some of the older ones trying to bring him into the fold but it seemed ingenuine to him. Like he was the little brother that had to be included or Dad would get mad. You truly found the things that he loved interesting, really talked to him, and made him feel safe and welcomed.

There was one particularly hard night for him. Nothing went right that day and he was tired, frustrated, and needed to feel safe. He didn’t know where to go or who to go to. So he called you without knowing why. You picked up and the minute he heard your voice he started crying. You ran to his dorm. No one else was home, and of course, Chan was nowhere in sight. So you stood with him, talked, and cooked a midnight dinner with him. Got him to laugh, you both passed out on the couch after watching some anime.

After that night that no one knows about except the boys in the Danceracha house, I.N. was just like Hyunjin, except he’d do drive-by hugs, sometimes just falling on you giggling and looking for hugs and head scratches, like the fox he is. There were other times when he would just stand behind you, put his chin on the top of your head and say, “What are we doing here Y/N/N…. I am BORED” as he’d flop on you, “Let’s get Ramyeon.” You’d laugh and say, “How about this… you get through today… and Ramyeon’s on me.” He still smiles at those memories.

So of course, I.N. would fight King Kong if he had to if it meant protecting you.

Now, seeing Jeongin doing this, standing up to Chan, just to protect you, his Noona, made everyone that wasn’t Chan smile.

Chan stood up to his full height and said, “I just want to be here for her,” with a tight lip at the challenge of the maknae of his team. Chan can’t take the disrespect anymore. Even though he knows that he more than deserves to be treated like this and worse, he is still in that limbo of trying to convince himself that this didn’t actually happen or worse, that he can fix it.

Bin felt your grip tighten on him…

You said to yourself that you didn’t just hear that voice. You squeezed your eyes shut as you wiggled up a bit to bury your face into Bin's neck. You didn’t want the boys to see you cry.

The cologne you just smelled when you were on Bin's chest, that was Chan’s cologne. The voice you just heard, that was Chan’s voice. There was a war going on in your head. Do you talk to him? Can you talk to him? What do you say? What does HE have to say?

“Y/N?” Chan said as his body snapped to you. Seeing you now burrowed into Bin’s neck and chest.

It made the jealousy that he had before start to boil. That’s his wife, after all. Chan was your safety. He was the one you run to, not Changbin, of all people. Why does he fit so well next to you? Why does the feeling of you slipping away elicit anger at others, not himself? Why did he see you buried in Bin’s neck and not his own? It felt to him like someone was touching his favorite toy without permission. Why did she go to Bin for comfort and not him?

“Y/N, Baby?” He asked a little louder…

“Stop calling me that,” you responded to him, muffled by Bin’s neck as you cried in your own dark cocoon, that was what you imagined when in Bin’s neck. Surrounded by him, he’d never let anyone near close. He was your safety bubble.

Bin just moved his hand up to pet your hair back as you fought with yourself.

The only one who knew you were crying was Bin, who felt your tears on his neck. They felt like acid on his skin, he could feel the pain through them, the fear, the rejection, the grief. He hated seeing or feeling you cry. The fact that you were comfortable enough to trust him with your fragility was the only solace in this for him. He knew that no one could protect you more than he could. That’s exactly what he’s going to do, protect you.

“I’ve got you,” He whispered as he turned his face into you, trying to hide as much of your face as he could, to give you more shelter to cry in. He hated that you had to go through this. You would think that for even one second his bonehead bandmate would put his own ego aside for just one fucking day to give you the room you desperately needed. It’s not even like he could make the excuse of thinking that you are going through it alone. It’s clear that you aren’t, Bin always took care of you. Sometimes Chan thought that it was the perfect deal for himself. He was married to you, so obviously you wouldn’t betray him, and Bin was so in love with you that he’d move Heaven and Earth for you. So Chan being distracted was never the issue, Bin was always there. In his head Bin was like a Knight protecting the Queen in a chess game. The king doesn’t have to worry about the Queen.

Bin’s tone with you was gentle,“You tell me to get him out and that’s exactly what we’re going to do.” His face read danger, eyes never leaving Chris.

You really didn’t know what to do. You are at a loss really. You just got about half an hour in nearly 30+ hours of being awake. One thing you do know is that you are feeling your pain uptick at the thought of leaving Bin’s neck.

“Please, let me talk to you,” Chris pleaded with you. He tried to touch you.

Jeongin stopped him again, gripping his wrist. His grip was bruising in strength this time, “She did not say you could touch her. So you are keeping your hand to yourself. Either that or I rip it off, understand?”

Bin’s jaw was tight, if Chris made one more move, Bin was going to gently switch out with Seungmin, just to murder Chris, then switch out again so you could sleep, very simple.

“At least let me see your face, Baby,” Chris said as he yanked his hand from I.N’s grip.

Then you spoke again… your tone now carrying an authoritative air, “I told you not to call me that fucking name. I heard it enough when you were fucking her in our bed. Take that name and shove it, Chris.”

“As for seeing my face, you don’t deserve to see it after what you did to me. Neither of you deserve to see my face.”

“Give us the room,” Chan ordered. He was doing his best to keep his composure and to try to gauge how much control he lost of the group. He is very much aware of the fact that the power dynamic has changed. Chan knows that they don’t even respect him, let alone trust him. Another thing that he knows is that he would feel the same way.

He’s also embarrassed, not at what he’s done but at the fact that his members found out. The fact that he was caught with his pants down, both literally and figuratively. The fact that his members watched him do something so amoral was something that he was pissed off about. Not as much at the fact that he had no moral compass, but it was the fact that they reacted the way they did. They screamed at him, Chris, Bang Chan, their elder. They challenged his authority left and right. The fact that they’re rebelling only added fuel to the fire. He wanted, needed to get control back.

As far as he was concerned, this was all something that he could come back from. You love him, right? So obviously you’ll come back. You sunk 5 years into him, of course you’ll be back. There was far too many decent memories for you to check out now. You’re hurt, demoralized, angry, yes. However, knowing the peacekeeper you are, you’ll be back, he knows it. Why can’t they see that, why can’t they fight for him just as hard as they are fighting for you. Why can’t they get their noses out of his marriage and watch some K-Drama like they always do instead of driving a wedge further in between himself and his wife.

The frustration alone made him want to lose his composure. Everyone has their role, that is something he is an avid believer in. To you, Chan is the protector, he’s the one to chase all the bad things away, he is your husband. Changbin is your friend, nothing more. So it drove Chan crazy to see you relax in Bin’s arms.

He felt like Bin had no business in a bed with you. It being completely lost on him that he did the same thing, but worse with his wife’s best friend. Bin is not there to sexually gratify you, he is there to hold whatever’s left of you together.

Bin is trying desperately to reassure you, to look at all of your broken pieces and help you, to let you know that he won’t let Chris close enough to hurt you again.

When Chris ordered everyone to give him the room, not one person moved a muscle. All they did was look at you, waiting for an answer.

Bin whispered to you, “Do you want us to leave?” Internally he was praying that you wouldn’t want him to go. He as well as the rest of the boys don’t trust Chris as far as they can throw him.

You shook your head, “Can’t take it.” You knew that there would be no way that you could have this conversation alone, you’d be right back to square one. If you were honest there isn’t a way you can see this going well. You are still really weak. You can’t do much of anything at all yet, even needing help shifting in your own bed. Not to mention the person who did it to you is demanding an audience with you like you didn’t just go through a near-death experience and is barking orders at your boys. You couldn’t even scream at him for that.

Bin looked at the boys and said, “We aren’t going anywhere, Y/N’s orders.”

With that all of the boys had a seat, smiles on their faces as if to say try us, we dare you.

Chan’s face turned hard at that. It was worse than he thought… Not only did he lose control, he handed all of it over to you on a silver platter. Chan is an A personality type. He is very particular, one of those places he’s particular about is that he is the Alpha. He is the leader, the spearhead. So for everyone to do this, made him not only mad, but scared. He isn’t used to not being in control. That made his tone harsh as he barked,“Look, I know that you are in pain and I know that you don’t even want to see me right now, but we need to talk in private.”

Immediately I.N. bristled and took a step to him, Minho getting up and claiming the bottom half of the bed, looming on the post of it, glaring at Chan.

Felix growled, “Watch your tone, you aren’t the one calling the shots, Chris.” as he bore daggers into Chris’ forehead, standing at the ready.

You didn’t respond and Chan said something that made your blood boil,something he knew you couldn’t ignore, “It was mine too.”

It..IT?! Your heart cracked again as you left your cocoon, “IT?!” You raised your voice. You winced at the pain the movement caused. “MY child was not an IT… THEY WERE HERE CHRIS.” You grabbed your stomach, feeling your diaphragm scream at you to be quiet, your abdominals agreeing full-heartedly. “YOU gave up ANY parentage by fucking someone else when we were trying to have a baby for TWO FUCKING YEARS!”

“WHAT?!” Han exclaimed. Han started to see red, yet again… Han thought to himself, They were trying to have a baby for 2 years?!. Han looked briefly at everyone else, their faces set in the same murderous stare that resided on Han.

Meanwhile, Bin didn’t let that sink in, he was too busy noticing you started looking slightly confused and woozy. Whatever little color you had was turning more grey by the second.

“Y/N you need to breathe,” Bin tried to remind you. He tried his best to guide you back down but you weren't having it. Your anger taking control. He had a sinking feeling as his own heartrate picked up.

You thought for a few minutes and said, “I still can’t believe it, you know? It’s like last night was a horrible nightmare but, the pain, the blood… It really happened. My baby is really gone.” A stray tear ran down your face, “I don’t want to believe it. It hurts too much. But my body knows. It feels different. I don’t know what to do with that. I don’t… I can’t…”

Bin was watching your heart rate, the last time you tried to revisit this, you had to be sedated and apparently, Han is thinking the same thing. He looked at the monitors and got a bad feeling.

“I just wanted to surprise you, to show you how much I love you! To let you know that I am there for you and you repay me by emotionally cheating on me with my BEST FRIEND for a YEAR and physically cheating for two whole months?! NOW YOU WANT A PRIVATE CONVERSATION?! How is this for a private conversation.” You felt your body starting to fail again. The rage coursing through you is the only thing keeping you aware of your surroundings.

Chan went to look away, he couldn’t see you hurting this much. He couldn’t come to the realization that he did this to you. You screamed with what little energy you had , “LOOK AT ME YOU FUCKING COWARD!” as you held your stomach, trying to control the new waves of pain.

When he looked at you, you said, “Here’s a little private conversation for you. I’m granting your wish. You said to her ‘I can’t wait to leave her’... Guess what?” You gritted out, “I’m leaving you!” you started spiraling back into what happened not even a full 24 hours ago at repeating his sentence back to him. Hearing those same words in your head, seeing the blood, the reality of it once again slamming into you like it did before.

The minute that last sentence left your lips, the world slowed down for Chris. He saw everything, the wedding, the laughs you both had. Even the simple things like how whenever he got up, which was always well before you woke up; he’d stare at you, brushing your cheekbones with his knuckles. Watching your peaceful form and marveling at how effortlessly gorgeous you are. Now as he watches you, seeing the shreds of you that were left, he had a realization. He realized all at once that the person he loves and has always loved is dead. She’s dead, along with his child, because of him.

You started staring off tears freely falling, “I just want my baby… Bin, I want my baby.”

Your heart rate started climbing fast as you stared at your lap, seeing blood that wasn’t there anymore, then blinking and it disappearing, your face began to show distress, as tears started falling, and your mouth opened letting out rapid puffs of air. Bin looked at Han and yelled at him, "Get the nurses, go!" The next second Han ran out the door as the alarms went off on the monitors.

Bin looked at you and said, “Hey look at me, stay here with me, Angel.” Then he looked at Minho and said, “Clear the room. Get Chan out of her NOW!” Minho immediately started getting everyone up and out of the room as fast as possible.

Chris slowly backed up until he hit the wall,everything moving in slow motion. He looked at the monitor, seeing your ungodly fast heart rate. The fact that you could die right now from a heart attack made him want to collapse to his knees and start praying. Chris was watching how Bin handled you, tears were starting to sting in his eyes. He was shaking, feeling the gold of his wedding band as he watched a man who was so much more than he could be. How delicate he was with you. Why did I do this?

He was staring at your face, he could see it, the heartbreak. He wanted to help, to take all of it back. Flashes of memories flickered in his mind. All of the opportunities he had to be with you but chose not to. All of the times that you would try to save him from himself, even if it was as simple as reminding him to eat. He’d yell at you and tell you that he was a grown up. I’m not grown. You’d remind him to get up and stretch, to be present in the now. You always tried to connect to him, always tried to soothe him, always tried to bridge the gap he put in between the both of you. His heart felt like lead, sinking further. His voice, his legs, his body didn’t move. It was Innah who dragged him out of the room by the collar.

Bin looked back at you, “Y/N…” He could see, you were completely dissociated.

You weren’t responding to him at all, eyes glazed over as your heart rate kept climbing, you were glancing around, clearly confused. What he didn’t know is that you felt everything at once. You could hear him like he was underwater. Your vision was blurry, and you really couldn’t feel anything aside from the pain in your chest at the thought of anything, because you felt guilty.

“Angel, look at me, try to breathe for me. Come back to me.”

“They should be here, not me. My baby didn’t deserve that Binnie. I want to hold my baby!” You screamed, “I want to take them a bath, feed them, I want my Baby.”

Bin realized then that it’s the reality that’s so painful. Everything that was around you reminded you of the fact that you were living and your child wasn’t. He could see the pain on your face as he gently held your face, trying to get through to you. “I know you want to hold your baby, I want that too. I want that so badly but I can’t give you your baby, that can’t happen. No one can bring your baby back, Angel.” Tears were rolling down his face at seeing you like this. Your eyes were constantly searching as more tears fell from them, he tried to wipe the tears away as fast as they rolled down your cheeks.

Bin got behind you, caging you with his arms and chest. He pulled you flush to his chest and ran his hands up and down your arms as he slowly rocked you. He was trying to provide enough stimulation to get you back to being able to self-regulate. You were only getting worse as he watched helplessly. He tilted your head back to see you spiraling further down, “Binnie help me. I want my baby please.” You just wanted to let it consume you already.

You quaked as you wished out loud, screaming without even knowing it, “Please, just let me die, let me go, I want my Baby.” You knew it was the pain, but at this point, not having your child was worse than death. You screamed without fighting anymore. Sometimes the seconds would stretch as you screamed till no air was left to make a noise. Those sobs made you feel like your chest was in a car crusher. You couldn’t stop them no matter how hard you tried, but in your mind, there was no point in stopping them.

Changbin’s blood ran cold hearing you say that, feeling as if he got dunked in an ice bath. He choked on his own breath as he did his best to try to get his own voice to work. You may not want to be here right now, but he’s going to make sure that you make it. He looked into your eyes and they were completely dilated, you just lay on Bin’s chest as you made the decision. You were done fighting, the pain was too much. Bin felt it, he could feel the fight leave you as you went limp, crying.

He knows this feeling… this was the same feeling that he felt when you were losing consciousness. His gaze snapped to your eyes, no fight, no struggle. You looked like you were calling out to Death. You wanted it so badly. What was worse was that Death was answering, he could feel it in the room. Cold, dark, and looming.

His body went into overdrive, the shock melting into panic. He wasn’t going to let Death take you, “Han hurry up, she's slipping!” He screamed at the door. His scream didn’t sound like him. The sound akin to a bystander watching a loved one jump from a bridge. Watching the body disappear all because of one step. He couldn’t wouldn’t let you fall. He screamed as if he dove for your hand, the same hand that fits so perfectly in his, as you threatened to disappear over the ledge of that bridge.

Bin got closer to your ear, so you could hear him better, “Please don’t say that. I know it hurts, just stay with me, hold on. I’m here. Stay with me. You can’t leave me here, please.” Changbin tilted your head, so you could hear his heartbeat. Subconsciously thinking, If you go I go. He gently wrapped his arm across your breastbone, trying to provide some soothing pressure to your chest. His hand resting on your opposite arm, rubbing the meat of it in a soothing pattern. His other hand was petting your hair. The hold he had you in gave you someone to hold on to. As soon as his forearm rested you wrapped your hands around it, grabbing his hand as you dangled on the ledge.

“Binnie it hurts, pleaseee. Help me, it hurtss.” You sobbed, your voice cracking and breaking, a mirror of your soul. Bin continued to slowly rock you, “I know Angel, I know I want to take it away. Just hold on for me. Hold on to me.” He had no idea how he was able to be calm for you. A part of him knew that he needed to. He was not going to collapse so you could face all of this on your own. He refused. He needed to fight for you, and he would, for eternity if he had to.

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sopebubbles · 1 year

Text

Master List

Fifteen

Synopsis: in a world where alphas, betas, and omegas live along side modern humans as second class citizens, you've fallen through the cracks of a society that wants to take everything wonderful from you. Luckily a timely encounter with the boys just might save your life.

Chapter summary: You and Hoseok might be missing each other during his heat, but you get the opportunity to become closer with another pack member.

warnings: mentions of past trauma, fire, death, assault (nothing detailed), tbh aside from some pining, this chapter is pretty fluffy.

wc: 6k

When you woke up on the fifth day of your heat, you felt almost normal. Your limbs didn't weigh quite so heavy, and the ache between your legs was gone. Yoongi laid beside you in bed, his cheek pillowed cutely on his arm. He looked so peaceful, you couldn't help staying a while to watch him. You had few moments to look at him like this when he wasn't looking back at you. You'd never noticed how lovely the dip above his cupid's bow was, even though you'd spent so long admiring his smile. His black hair was disheveled from sleep, cutting dark black shards against his pristine white cheek. It took every ounce of restraint to not brush his hair back, but you wanted nothing less than to wake him. He'd earned a good sleep after giving you anything and everything you needed for the past five days.

Jimin was absent from bed already, you noted, and after indulging in several minutes of watching your alpha sleep, you decided it was time to attend to your bladder's needs. You slipped off the bed as gently as you could and quietly opened the door.

After washing your face and brushing your teeth, you went down stairs, hoping you would run into Hobi, but no one was there, not even Jimin. Maybe your brain wasn't working as well as you'd assumed because you could smell every pack member but Jimin in the house, but there wasn't a person in sight. Coffee hadn't even been made. You shrugged it off, guessing everyone was sleeping in like Yoongi. You wouldn't be going to work since your hormones were still above normal, and it could attract unwanted attention even though you were feeling better. So you looked around for something to occupy you until the others got up or Jimin came home.

You found baskets full of laundry in the room connected to the kitchen and debated for a minute whether it was intrusive to do the pack's laundry for them. Ultimately, you decided that Hobi wouldn't mind and got to work. There were towels left in the dryer from last night and you folded them, looking around for anyone before you indulged in burying your face in a particularly soft and fluffy one. It reminded you of how Jungkook smelled, even though you hadn't been particularly close to him since you moved into the house. You weren't afraid of Jungkook like you were the others, maybe because you'd already been close enough to him when you first met to know he wouldn't hurt you or maybe just because he wasn't an alpha. But you were afraid he was going to arrest you anytime you saw him in uniform, and that feeling would take time to fade.

When the folding was done you decided to have a bowl of cereal to fill your grumbling stomach until everyone else woke up. You had to drag a chair from the kitchen table to the fridge to be able to reach the boxes on top. You didn't realize Jimin was home until you heard him laugh. You froze, your hand still reaching for a box of sugary cereal, and turned your head to look at him.

"I get it now," he chuckled.

You dropped your hand. "Get what?"

"Why people always laughed at me for being short. This is objectively funny," he explained as he walked over and grabbed the box you were going for with ease.

"I had it," you mumbled as the box floated past your face, and he set it on the counter.

"Sure you did. Come here before you hurt yourself." Jimin grabbed your waist and lifted you from the chair, and put your feet on the ground.

"Where were you?" you asked softly.

"Did you miss me?" he teased, and you looked away without responding. "I just went to the grocery store. Can you help me bring stuff in?" he asked, and you eagerly nodded.

"I didn't know you could drive." Although you normally would have tried to carry several bags at once, your limbs were still a little weak, so Jimin only handed you light things like paper towels and bread.

"I can. There are just so many people in this house who prefer to drive. It's never really been my thing, but I can do it when I need to."

"Isn't grocery shopping usually Taehyung's thing? Why didn't he go with you?" You wondered as you walked back into the kitchen.

"Hobi's in heat," Yoongi said from the bottom of the stairs, his hair wild and his eyes still droopy from sleep.

"Oh," you breathed. You should have realized sooner. You couldn't explain why that left you feeling disappointed.

"He started yesterday. He tried to tell you but you were–"

"Yeah, it always gets deepest at the end."

"How do you feel today?" Yoongi asked. Coming closer, he pushed your hair back to look into your clear eyes. You had to tilt your head back to look up at him.

"I'm fine," you answered as he wrapped his arms around you. You hugged him back, and he hummed happily. "Shouldn't you be with him?" you asked softly.

Yoongi pulled back to look at you. "No, princess. We're yours."

"But…" you huffed air through your nose, trying hard to get a grasp on your own feelings. They should be with him, right? You shouldn't be keeping them from that. Hobi needed and deserved them. "He needs you."

Jimin shook his head. "He doesn't. He has more than enough alphas to get him through it."

Your face scrunched in frustration as you picked at your nails. Yoongi might be able to appreciate how adorable you looked more if he wasn't concerned. "What's on your mind, princess?" He prodded softly.

"I know you're my pack. But you're his pack, too. And–" you looked at Yoongi and he gave you a nod to go on. "All three of you made my heat better, and I want Hobi to have the best heat, too, so I think you should be with him."

"Sweet thing," Jimin cooed, unable to resist patting your head.

Yoongi reached for your hand and pulled you close. "It makes me really happy to hear that your heat was better. It's still not over quite yet, so we will stay with you. We want to stay with you. Hobi wants us to as well. So you don't need to feel bad about it. He's just fine."

Your lips still pouted as you mumbled an 'okay.' Yoongi watched you as you tried to blink away the moisture in your eyes, but you had to look away from him. The washing machine sounded like a church bell calling you to service. You turned and wiped the last of the unshed tears from your eyes.

"Okay. I'll just put in another load of laundry and then I'll make some breakfast, okay?"

"Baby, you don't have to clean," Yoongi said, but you shook your head at him.

"Is this my home or isn't it, Yoongi?" You questioned, voice stronger than he expected.

"Of course it is, but–"

"Then it's my home to clean. It's what I need to do."

He smiled lovingly at you. He couldn't be more proud that your omega instincts were calling you to take care of the house. It was like a special omegan way of claiming ownership, and nothing could have made him happier. "I get it. I only meant you shouldn't overwork yourself. You're still recovering."

"I'll be fine. I like doing housework," you assured him as you pulled away and went to the laundry room.

By the evening, you had all of the laundry washed, folded and sorted. You'd even been able to iron Yoongi's uniform before he left. He was reluctant to do so, but you assured him that you would be fine with just Jimin for the night. It would feel weird though, to sleep in your nest without Yoongi after so many nights together. But you didn't let it show.

After dinner, Jimin convinced you to settle down and watch a movie with him on the couch, so that was how Jungkook and Taehyung found you, cuddled and happy in front of Jimin as you both laid facing the TV. When you saw them, you tried to get up, but Jimin held you down, unwilling to let his personal heater go.

"Is everything okay?" you asked.

Jungkook nodded. "We just came to get food."

"I made two trays for you for dinner. I wanted to take them up but Jimin said to wait."

"That's sweet, pup. Thank you. But you don't have to," Jungkook said as he went to the kitchen.

"You're watching Harry Potter?" Taehyung asked as he came to sit on the edge of the couch near your feet. He wore sweats and a sleeveless shirt, and his blonde hair fluffed around his head, making him look softer than ever.

Jimin hummed. "The pup has never seen them."

"How is that possible?" Tae chuckled.

"My parents were really strict about us not reading or watching things about magic or anything like that. But I read all the books last year," you explained.

Taehyung nodded his head. "Are you enjoying it?"

You smiled and nodded eagerly before Tae reached out to ruffle your hair. He did it easily as if he'd done it a thousand times before, but it left you wide-eyed with heated cheeks. He didn't seem to notice though. He merely leaned over to kiss Jimin on the cheek, lingering a little to appreciate your scent, and then left to help Jungkook in the kitchen.

"You like Tae Tae, little pup?" Jimin whispered in your ear when he was gone. His teeth nipped at your throat and you wriggled away from him, finally escaping his grasp, but only because he let you.

"I hope this is okay," you said softly as you walked into the kitchen. "Do you need me to make anything else? Jimin said light stuff is better, but I'm not exactly an expert."

"This is great, Y/N. Thank you," Jungkook replied as he gathered water from the fridge.

"What do you like to eat when you're in heat?" Taehyung asked. Lucky for him you didn't seem to notice the intense interest of his inquiry.

"I don't know. I don't usually eat much," you shrugged. Taehyung frowned, remembering the time two months ago when you passed out from not being taken care of. It was packmates' jobs to take care of an omega in heat, and he felt relieved you'd had a pack to help you this time.

"She'll eat anything as long as Yoongi feeds her by hand," Jimin said loudly from the living room. The two men watched as your face darkened with embarrassment.

"I-is Hobi okay? Does he need anything?" You asked after you were able to compose yourself again.

"You are a sweet little thing, aren't you?" Taehyung said. There was something in the way you lowered your head, maybe to hide a smile, that he found heart-poundingly endearing.

"Hobi is doing fine. Happy as a clam. We'll take all this up, and he'll be even happier," Jungkook answered.

Seeing that they were short a few hands with all the bottles of water and other drinks, you quickly grabbed one of the trays and took it upstairs. Your steps halted at the top of the stairs and you waited for Jungkook to open the door. When he did, you couldn't help taking a glance inside, to see if you could get a glimpse of Hobi and know he was okay. But when you did, it suddenly felt intrusive, like you shouldn't be there. Even after the two men entered, you could only bring yourself to the threshold of the door and wait for them to take the tray from you. Once he did, you disappeared back down the stairs before Taehyung could thank you and shut the door.

"How are they?" Hobi asked when Taehyung came back to the bed. He was relatively lucid for the moment.

"They're good, hyung. Y/N made some food for us," Tae told him, helping him get up into a sitting position to eat. "It looks like she's been keeping busy."

Hoseok whined softly, causing Jin to wrap his arm around his back to comfort him. "I'm sure Jimin would come cuddle you for a bit if you asked."

When Hoseok didn't say anything and merely frowned, Taehyung answered for him. "It isn't Jimin that he wants, hyung."

Hobi sighed. "I didn't know what it would be like to be with her. I've been with my sisters during heats, but it was different. I miss her scent and the way she fits in my arms," he said, sounding bereft.

"Maybe she could give you a pillow or something," Jungkook suggested.

Hobi looked to Jin, not knowing how the pack alpha would react to an outsider's scent in the nest. "It's your nest, my love," was his answer to his husband's longing eyes.

He turned to Namjoon, who was still lying on his other side. The alpha shrugged. "It's not like we're not used to her scent now. It's all over the house. And it's nice. I don't mind, especially if I would make you happy, darling."

Hoseok smiled slightly and turned onto Jin, burying his face in his neck. "We need to eat," Jin reminded him with a kiss to his head.

The remaining days of Hoseok's heat left a lingering weirdness. It felt like just at the point when you were wanting to see more of them, especially Hoseok, but even Taehyung too, everyone was suddenly occupied. Even Yoongi was working a lot, taking extra long shifts with only 8 hours in between to get a little sleep and some food before he went back. You felt guilty, knowing he was trying to make up for all the time he'd taken off with you, but you couldn't say that to anyone. He had to do it, and you were grateful he had, but you hated seeing him suffer for it now, even more than you hated not being able to see him much at all.

Jimin has been sleeping with you in your nest every night, but you were finding it hard to sleep without Yoongi, especially when you awoke from your nightmares. Jimin didn't wake easily, and you could cuddle into him without causing any disturbance. But tonight, your nightmare had been so upsetting that you didn't want to go back to sleep, so instead of turning in toward Jimin you rolled toward the edge of the bed, sending a quick text to Yoongi to see if he was busy.

While there were times when he wouldn't be able answer because of an emergency, there were also long stretches of time when he didn't have anything to do at all. He always told you that you could text him anytime while he was working and if he could answer you then he would, but not to worry if he didn't. You'd been lucky a few nights ago when you woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. You'd texted him and since he wasn't busy he texted with you until you got sleepy again. Tonight, you weren't so lucky. A few minutes ticked by while your message sat unread. Finally, you decided to get out of bed since you were feeling awake and didn't want to lay in the darkness, lest your nightmares should catch up with you.

You descended the stairs, expecting more darkness, but light filtered softly down the hall from one of the rooms at the front of the house. You knew that was Taehyung's studio. Other than the pack's room, it was the only other room that was omitted from your post-heat cleaning frenzy earlier in the week. You'd never been inside of it, but you found yourself walking quietly down the hall to the cracked open door. Low-fi music played softly inside, quiet enough that you couldn't hear it until you were just outside. Within, Taehyung stood behind a canvas propped on an easel. You couldn't see his face, but even if you didn't know it was him, you would know him by his heady scent that even the smell of paint couldn't smother.

"You can come in," he said loudly enough for you to hear. Without leaning around the large canvas to see you, he had identified you by your apple scent, too.

You crept cautiously around the door to stand just inside. "I didn't mean to bother you."

His head poked around to look at you, smiling. "You're not. You can have a seat," he told you, pointing to the couch against one wall. You sat and curled your knees to your chest, picking at your nails as you took in the room. Odds and ends scattered about, quite the opposite of the rest of the house. "What's keeping you up, sweet little?"

You blushed at the nickname he had begun to call you a few days ago. "It's 'sweet thing,'" you corrected him the first time with Jimin's pet name for you. "Maybe to Jimin, but to me you're a sweet little thing," he'd argued.

"I had bad dreams."

Taehyung nodded with a thoughtful frown. "Me, too." He applied a careful stroke of paint before he looked at you. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

You shook your head. "I don't really remember it. But you can tell me about yours," you prompted.

Taehyung shrugged. "Mine are pretty similar most nights. I dream about a fire, and the screaming, and when I wake up it feels like minutes before I'm able to move. When I can move, it feels like I have to get up. So I come here."

"When were you in a fire?" you wondered.

"I wasn't. My birth pack's house caught on fire when I was away at art school. I wasn't there, and they all died," he explained distantly.

"I'm sorry," you whispered.

Taehyung looked at you and smiled softly. "Nothing for you to be sorry for."

You wrang your hands together, not sure what to do with the uneasy feeling in your stomach. "You must miss them a lot," you said softly.

He nodded. "Yeah, I do."

"Is that why you don't like to leave the house much?" you asked before you could stop yourself. You wished you could stuff the words back into your mouth.

Taehyung huffed and then chuckled. "Yeah, that's part of it. If I go out somewhere for too long, I get worried. Like I won't make it back in time if something goes wrong." He sighed, "I know it's kind of silly. I just–"

"It's not silly," you assured him. "It's good that you have people you loved, who loved you. And now you have more people who love you. Was your birth pack big?"

He shook his head and put down his brush and paint in favor of sitting down with you. "It was just my parents, my mom's sister and her husband. They didn't have any kids, so I was an only child. They spoiled me, but I loved them a lot."

"It's nice you had so many adults to raise you and teach you."

He hummed. "Yeah, but I always wished I had some siblings or cousins to play with. When I first met Jungkook and he introduced me to the others, it really felt like I had gained those brothers I always wanted. It wasn't until almost a year later that I started having deeper feelings for them."

"Jimin told me once that when you joined the pack you were looking for family," you said.

"That was what I needed back then," he agreed.

You fixed your eyes on your knees. "I wish I could have been adopted by a family like yours instead," you said gently. "I could have been your sister."

Taehyung smiled sweetly at you. "That would have been great. But then we wouldn't be together now. And I like you being here now." At his words, you hid your face, but it only endeared him more. "I can be like a brother to you, if that's what you need. But I'd rather–" he cut himself off and shook his head.

You lifted your head just a bit to peek at him. "Rather what?"

He blushed slightly and put on a strange kind of smile. "I would rather be your alpha—one of your alphas. I know you're probably not ready for that, and that's perfectly fine. I'm not like Yoongi or Jin, but I do want to make you comfortable and happy, and I want to protect you as best I can. I know it's not an enticing offer but…" he rambled and you unconsciously put out a hand and touched his arm to soothe him.

"I'm sure you're a great alpha. I…I don't know if I can…one alpha is a lot for me already and Yoongi…I don't know. But I could use an older brother," you admitted.

Taehyung tried not to show the tinge of disappointment he felt and gave you a boxy smile. It didn't hurt too much though. As long as he got to be around you, he didn't care. As a big brother he could still protect you and help you, and maybe someday, your feelings would open up to something more. The silence stretching between you was broken by a rumbling in your stomach.

Taehyung's eyebrows rose with a question. "Are you hungry?"

You smiled sheepishly. "Yeah."

He took your hand and pulled you to your feet. "Let's find you something to eat."

He dragged you to the kitchen before you could say a word to stop him. When he opened the refrigerator, he frowned, discovering what you already knew. Supplies were limited. There wasn't even milk for a bowl of cereal.

"There's stuff for breakfast tomorrow," you assured him. "And Yoongi said he would stop by the store on the way home and grab a few things in the morning. We didn't realize how bad things were until we'd finished making dinner. Eight people is a lot of food and–"

"It's okay, sweet little. You don't need to stress about it," he smiled down at you. "But it doesn't exactly help our current situation." By the look in his eyes, you could tell he meant you.

"I'm fine. It's no problem for me to miss a meal or two." You had missed more than that before and been fine.

His eyes narrowed at you. "Did you skip dinner?"

You shrank from his gaze. "I just wanted to be sure you all had enough. You've been–'

"You don't need to do that for us. Ever. We will always work something out. It's our job to make sure that you are provided for. Not the other way around," he said, an edge of anger in his voice that had you pulling away.

"You're not my alpha. Yoongi is…"

"And how do you think Yoongi will feel when he finds out?" He continued.

You grabbed his arms in your hands and shook your head. "Shh. Keep your voice down. You don't have to tell him. It's really not a big deal, Tae."

"How can you say that?"

"Alphas eat first. That's most important," you told him matter-of-factly.

Tae's heart broke, and he took a deep breath before he could respond to you. "The alphas who told you that were wrong. That's not how things work here. You're never going to be last. Do you understand?"

You knew you wouldn't get away with saying no, so you didn't say anything at all for a moment. "Are you going to tell Yoongi?" you asked softly.

"That depends," he answered vaguely.

"On?"

"What do you want to eat right now?"

You shrugged. "I'm really okay."

"Tell me what you're craving," he said, but it sounded like a demand.

Sighing, you closed your eyes and thought. A smile tugged at your lips when an idea came to you.

"Name it," he said. His smile grew as yours did.

"Mcnuggets and fries," you answered.

"That's it? You can have anything you want!"

"I'm a simple girl, Taehyung!"

He chuckled, enjoying the way you said his name. "Fine. I think we can still have it delivered."

You scoffed. "It's less than a mile away. Let's just go."

"It's late," he mumbled.

"It won't take long. I promise we'll be back soon," you said, thinking that leaving the pack was the source of his hesitation.

"It's not that. I…I don't go out at night," he admitted.

You leaned in to whisper to him. "Are you afraid of the dark?"

He pushed you away gently. "It's not that…exactly." You looked at him, waiting for further explanation. He dropped onto a stool and sighed, looking for the words. "You remember how you knew my painting from the one you saw on the building downtown?" You nodded. "Well, I used to do a lot of stuff like that. Street art. And of course the best time to do street art is in the middle of the night. Once I was out alone and I got jumped by a group of saps. Ended up in the emergency room. Since then, I don't like to go out at night, unless I'm with other people."

You frowned. "That sounds really scary," you admitted. "But I'm other people."

He scoffed. "Hardly. I meant other alphas."

"Psh! You think they can protect you better than I can? I bet Jin doesn't even know how to fight, but I do!" You punched him playfully in the chest. With a laugh he stood and put his hand on your head, holding you at arms length so that your punches only hit air. You pouted at him so easily thwarting you. "No fair. But we'll be safe! We can go through the drive thru. We won't even get out of the car." He looked at you doubtfully. "Pleeease. You made me think about food and now I really am hungry," you whined.

"Fine," he relented, "but you better make sure you text your alpha and let him know. I don't want him finding out later and getting mad."

"Deal." You followed him to the door and pulled out your phone as you both got your shoes on.

You failed though.

You didn't see him or smell him as your shift ended, although perhaps you could have been on your guard for it. He usually came in at this time of day, between school getting out and picking Jimin up from work. But you hadn't seen Namjoon at the library since you moved in several weeks ago. He always made sure to go at a time when you weren't working. You couldn't help seeing him now as you waited outside for the purple minivan that almost always picked you up these days. Namjoon strolled casually out of the library, and you hid yourself behind a pillar as best you could, hoping to escape his notice.

You hadn't recognized his presence inside, but he had noted yours. He knew you would be there, after all. Although you two hadn't ever spoken directly to each other, Namjoon didn't hate you the way you—or anyone else—thought he did. Most of the time he tried not to think about you too much, one way or another. He felt more secure by now that you weren't going to fundamentally change his relationship with Jin, or with anyone else for that matter. But he also didn't want to dwell on the unwanted thoughts you aroused in him when he least expected it. Wonder if she's warm enough in that sweater, he thought over his morning coffee as you moved around the kitchen with Hobi before work. Wonder if she's doing okay today, he thought one day last week during your heat while standing in the hallway as students passed from one class to another. Isn't Taehyung supposed to pick her up? Omega shouldn't be out here all alone, he thought as he watched you duck out of sight. He could've kept walking and pretend he didn't know you were there when you clearly wanted to avoid him. But then again, it seemed he couldn't.

"Hey, Y/N," he spoke softly, coming out awkward and stilted.

"Hi," you responded so softly he almost didn't hear it.

He cleared his throat. "Is Taehyung coming? Do you need a ride home?"

You shook your head vigorously. "He's already on his way. They should be here any second."

As if you summoned him, Tae's car pulled up only a few awkward minutes later. He put the car in park on the curb and hopped out.

"Hyung, what are you doing here?" Tae asked, an edge to his otherwise friendly tone. Maybe it was an automatic response to the way you curled in on yourself, looking scared and shaking like a leaf.

"Just the usual," Namjoon answered, gesturing to the books in his hand. "I saw Y/N, and I thought I'd wait with her."

Taehyung nodded. "Ah. Sorry I'm late, sweet little. Are you ready to go?"

To answer him, you simply nodded your head and walked toward the car. You climbed into the front passenger seat, where Hoseok would normally be sitting and buckled in before Taehyung had even gotten to his door.

"Where's Hoseok?" You asked as soon as he got in.

"He's at home resting. He's pretty worn out, but he's excited to see you when we get home." Tae put the car in drive and pulled smoothly out into the street. "Your alpha is there, too."

"Let's go!" You urged, forgetting your mood from a moment ago.

"We'll be home in a little bit. We need to go grocery shopping first." He couldn't help smiling at your eagerness though.

"Namjoon meant well, you know," he said after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

You looked at him briefly before turning forward again and sat on your hands to keep from fidgeting with them. "I know," you admitted reluctantly. Whether Namjoon hated you or not, you believed no one in the pack wanted to tempt Yoongi's wrath. "I'm sorry it's taking me so long to adjust."

"Hey. There's no rush. I just wanted to reassure you since you seemed a little shaken up."

"I'm okay," you replied, a little unconvincingly.

In the grocery store, Taehyung let you push the cart while he loaded it with the pack's usual supplies. As he did, he explained which brands Jin preferred (he was picky), what vegetables each member liked and hated, and each member's favorite snack. You made mental notes and hoped you could remember them all. By the time he was finished, the cart was loaded so full, you had to keep a watchful eye for things falling off the top, and you could hardly push it. You'd never seen so much food in your life. But with seven fully grown men, all of this would barely last a week. When the price was tallied up at the register, you could only frown.

"What's that for?" Taehyung asked when he got inside the car, looking down at your outstretched hand and the bills you offered.

"For the groceries."

He scoffed and ignored your offering as he put on his seatbelt. "Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not. I don't want to add to your burden. You have enough mouths to feed already," you argued.

"You eat like a bird. Do you think it even makes a dent?"

"Don't be so stubborn!"

He looked down at the money still in your hand. "Do you want me to tell Yoongi about this?"

You groaned, "You can't always use that against me!"

"I can when you're being an idiot," he replied and flicked you in the forehead. You sat back with an astonished look on your face, mouth wide open until it closed into a pout. You stuffed the money back into your pocket. "Wait until I tell Yoongi about you."

"Be my guest," he laughed as he finally backed out of the parking spot.

You walked into the house carrying multiple bags in each hand despite Taehyung's scolding. As soon as you walked in, Yoongi was up off the couch where he had spent the last few hours cuddling with Hoseok.

"Hey, princess," he smiled as he wrapped his arms around you and smelled your head.

"Hi, alpha," you hummed, but you couldn't hug him back since your arms were still weighed down.

He chuckled, "Let me take those before your arms fall off."

"There's more outside," you told him as he pried the bags from your blood deprived fingers.

"I'll get them. You go cuddle with Hobi," he said before you could leave the room.

"It's okay. You can stay. I know you've missed each other."

Yoongi shook his head. "We've had plenty of time. And I think he's missed you more."

The way your eyes lit up and a smile covered your face made his heart swell. You didn't waste any time turning toward Hobi. His hair was a fluffy mess and he looked like he could sleep for another day, but he was waiting for you with open arms. You felt happy and relieved that he still wanted to cuddle with you and it hadn't only been a heat privilege.

"There's my little pup," he grinned lazily as you crawled into his makeshift nest. He was warm when he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his lap.

"I'm stinking from work," you complained, pulling away slightly.

He stuck his nose in your neck and sniffed deeply. "You smell like pup to me."

You rolled your eyes as he pulled you close again, until your head rested on his shoulder. Taehyung came in carrying grocery bags, followed by Yoongi, but neither of them paid attention to you. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel great, just worn out and a little sore."

You nodded. "That will happen when you have three alphas," you said quietly as the two currently home left the room once again. "I bet you don't get any sleep at all."

Hobi laughed loudly. "Not much, but I love it. I wouldn't have it any other way." You could tell by his smile that he meant it. He looked thoroughly satisfied.

"Then I'm sorry for taking Yoongi from you."

Hoseok clicked his tongue at you. "Never say that to me again," he scolded. "I've got more than I need and I'm happy to share. I know someday we'll be one pack. One way or another."

You know that was what everyone expected to happen, what they hoped for. You wished you weren't making it hard on everyone. If only you could get over your reservations. But you were trying, slowly.

"Taehyung told me he wants to be my alpha last night," you whispered to Hoseok. He already knew this. Tae had told him and Yoongi in the morning after you left.

"Do you want him to be?" Hoseok wondered. You said nothing but turned your face into his neck to hide your heating cheeks. Hopefully Hobi wouldn't notice how hot they were against his own skin. His grin spread ear to ear, and he stroked down your back without forcing an answer out of you. He knew it would come out soon enough.

a/n: idk about yall but I made myself so soft with this chapter. What do you think about her relationship with tae? we got a little peak in joonie's mind too. Are things coming together?? I kinda felt unsure about this chapter, but I think it turned out okay overall. Please let me know what you think <3

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