#why do i have the feeling nikolai fished it out with his hands???

[neonganymede]

Love and nurture, Nikolai!!! Love and nurture, Nikolai!!!

[corpsebasil]

well hello! Hope you're having a great sunday darling! Since you asked so nicely for Nikolai requests, here's one: I have this feeling that dear ol' Nik's love language is touch. Could we get a very smutty smut where we also also explore how much he is a sucker for always touching the reader? I'm also a sucker for Paddy's hands so it would be lovely if they feature somewhere. ^^ Thank you and lots of love!

Why yes I can, but Ima need at least two parts

Second in Command 18+ Part 1

Nikolai, your captain and fellow privateer, was discussing terms of passage with Alina Starkov and her…whatever his name was…friend. Nikolai was dramatic. He’d always been a drama queen, so when he told her how much she was worth, dead or alive, you’d almost snorted.

You sat at his desk chair, lounging with one leg crossed over the other. He had appointed you as second in command, trusting you the handle the…private affairs that involved weaponry and taking care of rumors. Now he was standing beside his chair as he spoke, and he would not. Stop. Touching you.

You pushed his arm off as casually as you could when he wrapped it around your shoulders. You gritted your teeth in annoyance when his fingers played with your braid as he spoke, his hand out of sight from the two guests. And Saints save you, when he put a hand on your shoulder and rubbed his thumb against your skin, massaging away a knot in your muscle that he’d found with maddening efficiency, you barely stifled a groan and simply knocked him away.

The worst part was this: he didn’t even seem to realize he was doing it. The man was the touchiest person you’d ever met, and it made you feel all sorts of things when you further realized he wasn’t this way with anyone else. But he was flirty, and he was something like a friend, and you could handle unnecessary physical contact if you stayed second in command.

Later, he found you leaning against the rail of the ship, your eyes scanning the water for any signs of life. You tossed a piece of bread down to the waves, hoping in vain to see a fish or a dolphin or something pop out and get it.

“If you toss some meat over we might see a shark.” Your captain said, approaching you, and you smirked over your shoulder.

“Maybe I’ll toss you in. That’d be a show.”

He chuckled as he leaned against the rail beside you, his arm touching yours. Saints, this man had absolutely zero concept of personal space. He ran a hand across the smooth rail, testing it for blemishes, and you tracked the movement. You hated to admit it, but the man had nice hands. Your eyes lingered on the rather large ring on his hand, then immediately looked away when he bumped your hip with his and let out a soft laugh.

“Imagining things, Second?” He teased, but took his ring off, holding it towards you. “Here. Try it on for size.”

“No.” You scoffed. Imagining things. As if.

“Come on.”

“No. I don’t want your ridiculous ring.”

“Suit yourself.” He sighed, tugging it back onto his finger. “What do you think of our new summoner friend?”

“I don’t think anything I don’t care.”

“You’ll care when twenty million Kruger is in your pocket, I bet.”

“All for me?” You asked sweetly, glancing over. He was closer than you’d originally realized and you startled a bit, his blue eyed stare watching you with sleepy amusement.

“All yours, if you want it.” He said, voice soft, and your gaze darted to his mouth, then his eyes. A slow, wicked smile began to spread across his face when you looked away, glaring out at the ocean. What the hell was wrong with you? “But truly. If Alina is as powerful and useful as they say, we’re in for a lot more than just money.”

You blinked, still staring at the water. Money. Think about the money. Not the way his hands look when he’s running them across a rail. Not the way his lips move when he speaks, the curve of his upper lip and—

“Y/N?”

You almost jumped.

“What?” You asked, heartbeat quickening. He was staring at you with a confused, almost curious expression, eyebrows slightly furrowed.

“I asked if you’re going to the tavern tomorrow. When we dock?”

“Oh.” Your brain scrambled, trying to remember at what point in the conversation did docking even become a thing? “We’re…docking?”

“Yes.” He was still looking at you, eyes narrowed slightly as if with suspicion. “To get supplies? Were you listening to me just now?”

“Yes. Yes I was. I was um—” you swallowed, cursing yourself for being so fucking awkward. You were confident as hell, and he was annoying, for Saints sakes. And now you were thinking about your captain’s hands? “Considering tossing you over again. For fun.”

“Ah,” he said, and it was so obvious you were lying that you almost hit him when amusement lit up in those eyes. “and I was thinking about kissing you. But maybe we’re both liars.”

Your stomach turned and you glanced away, then back, unsure of how to even begin to respond. So when he moved towards you and slipped a hand around your waist, dipping his head down to yours, you had a millisecond to register the whisper of his mouth against your own before you lurched away, stumbling back.

“No. No. What the hell, Nik?”

“You were staring at me like you wanted me to kiss you. So I did.” His expression was innocent. Too innocent.

“I did not want you to kiss me. I don’t.”

“Alright.” He said, calmly, and held his hands up as if in surrender. “No kissing, then.”

“Absolutely no kissing.”

“We’ve—that’s been established. Thank you for the unnecessary and slightly offensive emphasis.”

You scoffed and whirled around, practically stomping as you made your way towards your cabin, the only one on the ship besides your captain’s that you didn’t have to share. He followed you wordlessly, hands in his jacket pockets, whistling lowly under his breath.

You felt warm. Annoying warm as you moved into your room and shut the door, leaning against the wood as you breathed in and out heavier than you’d like. You swallowed. Then you drank a glass of water and sat on your bed. You changed into pajamas. You sat some more.

And then, suddenly annoyed into action, you picked up the nearest coat and pulled it over your nightgown, realizing only after you’d already knocked on his door that it was his own stupid coat. When had he even put it in your room? You—

The door opened, and a sleepy looking Nikolai poked his head out.

“Hello, lovely.” He said, eyeing what you were wearing. “I see you found my missing coat.”

“I was just returning it.” You gave him an annoyed look and shrugged it off, ignoring the appreciative glance he gave your nightgown. All your nightclothes were skimpy, but you hadn’t thought he’d ever see you in them. “Goodnight.”

“What is that—a napkin? Saints you women have interesting choices in clothing.”

“If think this is small you should see my lingerie, you judgmental bastard.” You regretted the words the second they left your mouth, watching as color rose on his cheeks and his eyes glittered with mischief.

“That can be arranged.” He purred, opening the door wider and leaning against the side. “But only if you’re wearing it when I see it.”

“Oh my—you’re such an asshole.” You whipped around to storm back to your room—really, it was only about ten feet away from his so the effect was lost—but were halted when Nikolai reached you in a few strides and grabbed your hand.

You turned to tell him off, annoyed and almost at your wits end, when his arm looped around your waist and he crushed you against him, mouth against yours.

You gasped when his fingers dug roughly into your skin, his tongue slipping between your lips, and damn you if he wasn’t the best kisser you’d ever had in your life. He backed you against the wall, hips to your own, and you almost whined against him when you realized absolutely anyone could see you right now.

“Stop it.” You whispered, pushing at his chest, but he only gave you an inch of space as he raised a brow. “Literally anyone could walk by.”

“Then we should go inside your room.”

“You are not going in my—”

“You could come to mine, if you prefer—”

But then footsteps echoed from somewhere nearby, voices of crew mates talking quietly, and you panicked, opening your door and practically throwing your captain inside before locking it behind you.

“Saints, be careful I almost fell over your—”

This time it was you who lunged for him, almost knocking him over when you seized him by his shirt and kissed him as hard as you dared. He groaned and your heart dropped into your stomach, his hands grasping your waist as he kissed you back. You moved when he stepped backwards, sitting on the edge of the bed and tugging you up onto his lap. You groaned, then, when he ground you down against him and moved his mouth to your neck.

“Is this the moment I see your lingerie?” He teased, and you could only sigh when his tongue and mouth trailed a searing path down your throat to your collarbone.

“Nikolai—” you gasped when he ground up against you again, evidence of his arousal digging into your pelvis.

“Yes, love?” His teeth nipped at your skin as his hands slid your nightgown up, fingers brushing the lace of your underwear.

“Nik, I want you to—”

A knock hit your door and you both jumped, turning to stare in absolute horror at the entrance to your bedroom.

“Miss Y/L/N, do you know where the captain is? We need to ask him about some maps we’re looking over.”

“He uh—" your voice sounded strained and you cringed. “Im not sure where he is, sorry.” Nikolai’s fingers tightened on your hips when you moved to get off him and you shot him a glare.

“Do you think you could look at them, then? Your opinion is just as good.”

“I—” you tried not to squeak when Nikolai leaned into you and began sucking a bruise onto your neck, completely unbothered by the current situation. “I can’t right now. Sorry.” You smacked your captain on the arm, ignoring his grin when he finally let you off him. “Give me like, three minutes.”

“Oh, alright.” A pause from outside. “Do you want us to wait here or—”

“No no. Conference room is fine.” You swallowed roughly and listening to the footsteps fading away, headed off to likely prepare the discussion you were about to have. You sighed dramatically and turned, giving Nikolai a look that promised violence. “Don’t do that when I’m trying to talk I almost—oh don’t give me that look.”

“What look?” He asked innocently, tilting his head to examine your flushed and rumpled features, his lips swollen and hair messed up. “What ever will the crew say if they heard you moaning my name when they think we’ve gone to bed?”

“Nikolai.”

“See, just like that, only with more emphasis.”

“I can’t stand you sometimes.” You groaned, moving to your vanity to grab a robe. “If you’re coming to the meeting, try not to act too suspicious.”

“What ever do you mean?” He teased, coming up behind you as you tied your hair back to pull your ass against his front. “Is this suspicious? What if I—”

You smacked his hand when it slipped beneath your dress and he let out a startled ow.

“Fine, fine.” He rolled his eyes, but took your hand before you could move away and slipped his ring onto your finger. “But wear this. Just so I know how this night’s going to end.”

“I’m not wearing—Saints save me fine.” This man was a pain.

He was a pain and an annoyance and you were a bloody pushover when you looked down at your finger and admired the jewelry instead of cringing at it. It was a bit big for you, though, so you took it off and threaded it onto your necklace’s chain instead. He smile grew when he watched your actions, nodding in approval.

“Never thought I’d be jealous of a necklace before.” He mused, eyeing your chest, and you whacked his arm lightly, trying not to grin at him. “See, I’m funny. You almost laughed.”

“I did not.” You argued, and walked ahead of him as you left the room and went down to meet up with the crew.

-

No one said anything, but it was obvious to everyone that the captain had been with you the night before when they couldn’t find him. It was a ship, not a castle, and there were limited places a man like him could be hiding without being found.

Plus, to your chagrin, there was the whole matter of Nikolai was being so damn annoying about it. The man was practically strutting around the ship the next morning, his smile wide, and at breakfast, where you sat sipping a coffee and nibbling a bowl of fruit, your nose in a book, he embarrassed you by kissing the top of your head and squeezing your shoulder as he passed.

“Nice necklace, Y/N. New purchase?”

Bastard. Cheeky bastard.

But he continued on like nothing unusual had just occurred, moving to discuss navigation with Mal, as you looked up at Tamar and Alina who were watching you with curious, amused expressions.

“When did that happen?” Tamar demanded, eyes darting from the captain to you.

“It was nothing. He’s just messing with me, I suppose.”

“Liar. Your heartbeat increased.”

“He’s just flirtatious you know that.”

“I think you’d be cute together.” Alina piped up, smiling as she watched the exchange. “You seem well matched. To be honest I thought you already were together when we met.”

“We’re not together, gods above.” You groaned, raising your book to cover your face.

“Basically. That man’s been obsessed with her since they met.” Tamar told Alina, furthering your embarrassment. “Everyone knows. It’s just funny watching them act like we don’t.”

“They do not know.” You insisted, mortified, and Tamar’s laugh was genuine.

“Come on, Y/N. When the guys went to Sturmhond’s room last night to find him, they had already placed a bet on whether he’d be there, or in yours.”

“No.” You protested, momentarily thrown when you remembered that no one else on the ship knew his true name but you. “No they did not.”

“Yes they did. And Wesley won forty Kruger when he was in yours.”

“Scandalous.” Alina giggled, then covered her mouth with a hand when you shot her a dirty look. “Sorry. It’s just funny, them betting over something like that.”

“Plus,” Tamar said, pointing a fork at your neck. “you’ve got a hickey the size of Ravka on your neck. You look like he tried to eat you.”

“Oh my—” you shot up out of your seat, snatching up your book and shooting Tamar a look that would scare almost anyone but her. “That’s it. Dish duty for you for the rest of your life.”

She was still laughing, ignoring your words completely, when you gathered up your breakfast and decided you’d have it in your room instead of bothering with being teased all day.

Whewwww the way Nik gets sassier and sassier every time I post is sending me

[yandere-kokeshi]

*pops into your asks*

How would Nikolai, Gaz, and Price react to their darling being older than them (being in their 40s?).

— 🎂 (cake anon)

*leaves your asks with specs of flowers*

— Yandere Nikolai, Gaz, and Price with an older darling

Warnings: yandere behavior, talks about reader being older, and slightly NSFW. 

A/N: I apologize this is short, I'm having bad migraines. Enjoy :)

Nikolai:

Doesn’t see the issue with it; instead, he actively loves it. He definitely has a thing for aged-up people, mostly older than him, and that comes with a prize ticket of you. 

Finds your wrinkles and aging hair gorgeous. Comments on your different clothing style, and tries to make you understand that you are pretty, despite the obvious age-gap.

Undoubtedly a pervert at times, but isn’t that the Nikolai you know? Sometimes looks at you, and you can almost tell what he’s thinking of. His brain is quite the wreck. But, he often challenges you to weird 

Isn’t afraid to swoop you off your feet in public, laughing at your surprised state. One of his enjoyable things to do to catch you off guard.

Kyle “Gaz” Garrick:

Kyle, being the youngest, is a bit embarrassed. Not at you, but at what you’d think of him; maybe finding him odd, or slightly juvenile because of his age. But regardless, he doesn’t have an issue. 

He’s used to hanging out with older people, the team and Laswell, so he doesn’t see why you or anyone should matter. He feels wonderful with you, so it’s considerably natural to him. 

However, Kyle loves to tease you. Being incredibly smug when he pulls your buttons, whispering in your ear on how ‘you could be my parent’, and soon enough, you see heart-pupils forming in his eyes. His hands grasping at your hips, asking for something more. 

Honestly, he forgets your age and whenever you mention something nostalgic, his eyebrows squint, before connecting the dots as his mouth gaps like a fish; understanding that you and him have an ‘age-gap’

Captain “Price” John:

Doesn’t give a damn that you’re older than him, John doesn’t even blink at it unless someone asks. You’re his spouse, his darling, nothing more, nothing less. 

Reminds you how breathtaking you are on a daily basis, and that age doesn’t associate with how you look. Enjoy looking at you, especially from afar, and chuckles at himself when you’ve caught him. 

Adores the nights where the two of you can have really deep, and intimidate talks. Enjoys them completely and never wants to stop talking to you. 

Doesn’t understand when people see a difference or have an issue with the age-gap. You’re still his, right? That’s all he matters. 

—

Masterlist || Please consider reblogging and commenting instead of liking. It helps me as a creator!! Stay well!!

© yandere-kokeshi 2023 — Do not copy, modify, edit, repost, or use my works for ASMR readings, tiktoks, or other content.

[widowswineapologist]

a/n: random assortment of hcs for the primis boys! slightly suggestive at times so proceed with caution. i left it kind of ambiguous as to whether this was canon au or modern au so have fun imagining whatever :33

primis richtofen:

♡ - he's the type to spend hours initially researching a very vague question he has and then it spirals into him researching something completely unrelated to said question. don't ask him how he got from reading about greek mythology to how bed bugs mate, he doesn't know.

♡ - (also don't ask him how bed bugs mate.)

♡ - for some strange reason, for as long as he could remember, he just gets the most random and inconvenient of nosebleeds. it has happened so often that he's grown to just be mildly annoyed by it at best and he usually has tissues on hand just in case. for him, this is entirely normal, but one time he got a nosebleed while he was talking to you and you freaked out and he had to reassure you he wasn't dying.

♡ - richtofen always wants to be the smartest guy in the room, but he kind of goes feral whenever you correct him. intelligence is already an extremely attractive trait to him, and passion compliments it greatly. the slight humiliation he feels for being wrong is quickly forgotten when he sees that fire in your eyes as you lecture him.

♡ - if you're not able to read or speak german, he is... not exactly going to teach you. what he is going to do, however, is randomly hand you a slip of paper with what seems to be utter gibberish scribbled on it, and he'll simply ask you to say the word with a completely serious expression. and then he is going to cackle like a witch when you say it wrong. he enjoys the little things.

primis dempsey:

♡ - he's really bothered by how much he can't remember about himself, so as a substitute, he tries to remember everything he can about you. it's incredibly sweet and thoughtful sometimes, but occasionally it creeps you out that he can recall some extremely niche and easily forgettable detail you revealed about yourself in passing several months ago.

♡ - throughout his life, he's had a habit of just... randomly falling off his bed in the middle of the night. he has no idea why it happens, he's just grown accustomed to waking up on the floor with his blankets trying their best to keep him tethered to the mattress. it truly is a sight to behold.

♡ - what dempsey lacks in book smarts, he makes up for in street smarts. he knows a bunch of strange life hacks, random bits of information about generally niche topics, weird remedies for certain illnesses, the works. (if any of you have seen breaking bad, he's kinda got jesse vibes in that regard LMAO)

♡ - he doesn't do it anymore, but during the earlier stages of your relationship, he really liked pushing your buttons. once, in the midst of an argument, you slapped him, and after the initial shock wore off, you frantically tried to apologize, only to be met with the marine giving you a lazy smirk. he wore the red handprint on his face like a badge of honor.

♡ - (you've asked him multiple times if he's a masochist or something and he never gives you a straight answer.)

primis nikolai:

♡ - that one guy that just always has random resources on him for virtually no discernable reason. you need batteries? he's already reaching into his pockets. you need a toothpick? it's your lucky day, he's got a pack of them right here. hell, you need matches? he's fishing an entire box out of his bag.

♡ - nikolai has a strange habit of taking in stray animals. he literally can't help it, he sees a cute, fuzzy little creature in need and he's dropping everything to assist the little guy. it's a little sweet watching him take care of animals like puppies or kittens, but he brought home a bear cub once and that's when it became a problem. you do kind of miss mishka though.

♡ - his upper body strength is INSANE. it's not news to anyone, not even you, but it was a little shocking when nikolai asked you to sit on his back while he was doing push-ups. and he did a good amount of them!! if he noticed your shocked expression when he was done, he didn't mention it, but he does subtly flex in front of you every once in a while. what? he's just proud of his physique.

♡ - it might just be because of where he grew up, but he's always checking if you're cold or not, especially during the night. the second you say yes, he's dropping everything to find you a better coat, or blanket, or he even gives you his gloves. he doesn't want you to be cold :( you're always welcome to leech off his body heat too.

primis takeo:

♡ - the proud owner of a very impressive and vast collection of bladed weapons. he prefers swords by a long shot, but even he can't turn away from a well-forged knife. it would probably be concerning if it was literally anyone else, but it's takeo so it's cool.

♡ - a relationship with takeo is an extremely slow burn, but once you've finally crossed that threshold, takeo is in it for life. he takes the term "ride or die" very seriously, and he's willing to do nearly anything for you. takeo would even kill for you if asked. anything to make you happy. anything to keep blood off your hands.

♡ - takeo is very graceful and collected in all aspects of life, except for the first few minutes after he wakes up. his brain tends to lag behind during those moments and sleep still has a tight hold on him, so it results in him looking completely and utterly bewildered as he takes in his surroundings. sometimes he mutters incomprehensible things in japanese during this, and it's hard to keep yourself from laughing. he's kind of embarrassed by it once he fully wakes up.

♡ - he will NEVER admit it, but he has entertained the thought of being a house husband before. what he found even more embarrassing, however, was that he realized he would be very good at it. he's a good cook, he's a god at keeping things neat and tidy, and he would enjoy having time to himself for a while. takeo will never bring this up, but if you do, he's down for it.

[sofasoap]

Lastochka AU - Strange tribulation

Pairing : Nikolai x F!Reader ( OC/Mini MacTavish)

Summary: The shock, the anger, the banishment,the begging, and the finale.

AU to my Lastochka series

WARNING: Mature Theme. swearing. alcohol use. Slight angst. Please check the tag for further warning ( didn't want to put spoilers here. slight spoiler really.) Inaccurate medical depictions.

Half proof read when I am half asleep. sorry.

A/N : Well, the finale to the crack series.

masterlist

“John… how did I fuck up so bad?”

“ You only got yourself to ask, don’t you? You did not heed my warning. Now, face the consequences. From what I have heard, you deserve it.” 

How did it go so wrong? 

You were in a good mood. Well, apart from that little hormonal meltdown ten minutes ago from accidental spilling of the icing sugar onto the counter, you were excited about the evening ahead. 

Today is the day.

You're going to tell him. Everything. 

Plus the unexpected surprise you only found out a few weeks ago. 

You were humming away as you took out the apfelstrudel from the oven. Perfect, I am such a baking genius. You thought, giving yourself a pat on the back. I’m sure Nikolai will like this. Not too sweet but great as an after dinner dessert.  You should ask König and his partner next time for more dessert recipes. 

You heard three rapid short knocks and two long knocks on the door.  Quickly wiping your hand on the apron, you double check everything on the table before rushing towards the door. 

“Nik!! Just in time! Come, I just finished baking…” Your smile faltered when he made no attempt to step over the threshold into the apartment. 

“Nikolai?” you call out his name timidly, reaching out for him. He took a step back,evading your touch. 

Taking a deep breath in, he whispered your name as he handed you the brown paper.Your heart dropped. He hardly calls you by your real name. “I’m not staying for dinner.” He looks at you, but it feels as if he’s looking past you, his eyes void of any emotion. “Just here to drop this off. If you want to contact the lawyer, the number is in there.” 

Lawyer? What for?

You open the envelope with shaky hands.

Application for divorce?

“Nik..I.. I don’t understand?” your voice wavered, looking back and forth between the paper and him. oh that goddamn fear is starting to bubble up again. 

“I am setting you free.”

“Free? But…” The room is spinning, deep breath in, and out, and in. you clutch tight to your apron, you can’t collapse right now. Not yet. Not until he knows. 

This isn’t happening. What is going on? Why is he doing this to you? After all the confession? All the attention he showered  you with. 

Is he sick of you? Throwing you aside because he is starting to get bored of the sex? And bored of you?

“I thought you love me?” Tears finally spilled down your face as you blinked a few times, trying to stay focused. Oh the ache… it hurts. Like someone has reached inside you, clenching and twisting your heart, stabbing it a few times before pulling it out and stomping on it. 

You feel sick. Physically sick. 

You saw a flicker of emotion in his eyes before turning his head away, avoiding your pleading look. Tense silence simmers between the two of you, to what seems like eternity before he starts walking away.

“Wait!!!’ you quickly grabbed his wrist, stopping him from leaving. Your head is still reeling from the turn of event, but he has to know the unexpected surprise that you were supposed to tell him at dinner tonight. 

After all, both of you contributed to the production of this little miracle. 

Your other hand fishes around your apron pocket, grabbing the little square gloss printout and shove it into his hand. 

“I.. I only found out a few days ago. If.. if you want to come along to the next appointment…” you asked nervously, probing for his reaction. 

His expression went from surprised to mouth gaping to frowning all within a span of seconds. 

And you swore if you had a frying pan in your hand when you heard the next sentence spill out from his mouth, you would have smacked him on the head. Hard. 

“Is that MY baby?” 

Oh.

Oh, the accusation. Now you know why he is serving you the divorce paper. 

Something snapped in you. All you see is crimson red. 

From his expression, he clearly knew he shouldn’t have opened his damn stupid mouth. 

“NIKOLAI.” you growled, not bothering to contain your anger. Not caring if the whole apartment building can hear you as you unleash the fury onto him. “IF that is even your real name, I am sure it isn’t.” you jab him on the chest, taking a step closer.“How dare you.” you snared, “How DARE you question my loyalty towards you. Our marriage might be an unconventional one, but I was committed to you. I had no one else but you.” Throwing your arms open wide, gesturing in the air, continuing your verbal assault. “But that doesn’t mean much to you anymore, does it?” you laughed bitterly.” Because you wouldn’t believe any words that come out from my mouth right now, including you not believing this child I am carrying right now is yours.” Giving him the final push to push him further away from the door,  "I was stupid enough to think there might be a chance for the two of us, but, hey! Clearly not! Because I am the naive one that has fallen under your charm and look where it got me. Humiliated. I deserve it, don’t I?”

You feel pang of guilt when you see his contorted face at your retort to his hidden accusation, but the devilish part of you, the fearsome Mini MacTavish, full of fury, didn’t care what his feeling right now would be. 

Turning back into your apartment, you grabbed the pen inside the trinket bowl you kept beside the front door. Pulling the rest of the paperworks out from the envelope, you quickly signed all the required spots that were already marked X, and threw them back into his face. 

“Take the fucken paper, do whatever you want with it. I will be contacting your lawyer to file a restraining order against you. From this moment on, I will have nothing to do with you, and you will have nothing to do with me, or this baby. Since you clearly have given up being in any relationship with them the moment you denied your connection with them.”

Nikolai just stood there, stunned. 

“Oh, don’t look so shocked, this is what you were here for, right?” Yanking the rings off your finger, you threw it into his chest. The ring just bounced off his chest and clanking noises echo through the corridor as it drops onto the concrete floor. “Take this back with you while you are there. Now you can give it to the next woman who is just as dumb as me, to make them  your next victim. Never, ever, show your face in front of me again. Good day.” You spat out at him before slamming the door shut, never giving him a chance to reply. 

You slid down against the door, covering your mouth, but you just couldn't hold back anymore. You let out a strangled whimper before bursting into tears. 

You knew you would regret the moment you agreed to this sham marriage. 

How stupid of you thinking all of the things he promised you are real. 

Regret is a punishment. 

And you will be punishing yourself for a long time with the foolish choice you have made a year ago. 

Gaz fumbled in his pocket looking for his personal phone as it vibrated for the twentieth time. He frowned as he looked at this screen, all these miss calls from you. 

“Soap!” Gaz yelled out over the thundering noise of the helicopter they just disembarked. “Is your phone working???” 

“Perfectly, why?”  Soap yelled out his reply as he finished his conversation with Ghost, ready to head into the building. “Something wrong?” 

“Oh, no. Just… nothing.” Gaz hummed as he thought of all the possibilities of why you were desperately getting in contact with him. Couldn’t be a family emergency, otherwise Soap would be the first person you contact or the Captain for that matter.  

Nevertheless, he better ring you back. 

“KYLE!!!!” The first thing he heard after the call was connected was your crying voice. “He doesn’t love me anymore!!!” you bawled. 

“Wow, wait, wait, what are you talking about?” Gaz was confused. “By him.. I assume you are talking about your husband?Nikolai?” 

“Who else would I be talking about!!! My husband with benefits!!! He doesn’t want me anymore!!” 

“Pardon me?”  Husband with benefits?? Gaz was utterly confused. “Uh, isn’t that just marriage?”

“No!!! It’s different…. Marriage is a marriage… A husband with benefits is not a marriage!” you rambled on. “A husband with benefit is just a husband that give you a good fuck and occasional good time! But marriage is when both of you love each other and you get laid and occasional good times as well… and.. He said he doesn’t love me anymore before I could confess my love to him!!” 

Gaz feels like his head is going to explode. Nothing that came out of your mouth was making any sense. What exactly was going on with you and Nikolai?

“Ok, I am not quite following. You have to explain to me, RIGHT FROM BEGINNING.” He knew there was something going on between you and Nikolai with the sudden announcement of marriage. But this strange event? He couldn’t quite follow. The two of you seem perfectly in love with each other? 

You spilled everything out to him, right from how he accidentally picked you up in front of the apartment, the alleyway incident, the break in, the “marriage”, and now… 

“He is asking for a divorce! And he doesn’t believe the baby is his!!” 

Hold on? Did he miss something?

“Mini.. wait, rewind a bit, what was that bit about the baby?”

“The baby is his!” you sobbed.

“Who’s carrying what baby?” Gaz is secretly hoping what he is hearing isn’t what he is thinking…

“I am pregnant Gaz!! With Nikolai’s baby!” you replied, hiccuping. 

“YOU ARE WHAT?!!!” Gaz screamed, startling everyone in the locker room. Oh shit this is not good. Not good at all, he thought. 

Soap walked past, towel on his shoulder as he was ready to step into the shower. “Is that Mini? What stupid shit has she done this time?”

Oh, won’t call it stupid shit but it's close enough he thought. From all the mess you have just described to him. Ignoring Soap, he quickly put on his clean uniform, forgoing the shower and dash out of the locker room to talk to you in private.

He ended up comforting you over the phone for two hours. By the time he hung up the call, his mind was in such a jumble, he didn't even know where to start. 

“Please, don’t tell Johnny. Or my family. I want to sort this thing out myself first.”

“How?”

“... I don’t know.”

“Fucken steaming jesus.”

“Now you sound like Johnny.”

“Been around him for too long.” 

Well, you only said you can’t tell your family..

Standing in front of the office door, he took a deep breath before giving it three sharp rapid knocks. 

“Come in.” Price’s deep voice answered.

As Gaz enters, he notices the captain has just set his phone down on the desk, sighing.

Brows raised, Gaz silently asks the Captain if things are going okay. 

“I’m fine. Family is fine. What can I do for you?” Price asked Gaz, waving towards the seat on the opposite side of the desk, asking him to sit. 

“Well.. There’s something I promised Mini I wouldn’t tell Soap..” Gaz said, careful with his wordings. He noticed his Captain’s brows shot up as he took a sip of his coffee.

“Well, if it’s regarding her and Nikolai.. “ he replied as he patted his phone on the table. “I just got off the phone with him, that muppet sounded utterly distraught.” 

Gaz snorted. Distraught? What has he got to be distraught about when he was the one that asked for the divorce? “Well, I don’t know why he is all moping and sad when he just ditched his wife and future child.” 

Price froze. 

“What?” 

“What? Oh.” 

Ah shit. 

“Are you sure he will turn up?” Gaz asked as he sipped his beer as he eyes the door. Price hummed as he paid the bartender for the drinks. “ I made sure he will. And speaking of the devil…” 

The door to the pub swung open and a tall man with a buzzcut marched in, dragging a tall, broadly-built and dishevelled-looking man in tow.

“Yuri.” Price greeted Nikolai’s second in command. “Thank you for the help.” 

“Don’t mention it.” Yuri replied as he positioned a moody and already half drunk Nikolai onto the bar stool. “Sick of this идиот slumping about and crying about his wife and not being able to do anything. If you can, sort him out. Whack some sense into him.” 

“My Lastochka.. I am sorry….” Nikolai mumbled as he slump against the bar table, lamenting. “I shouldn’t have let you go… I’m sorry…” he raised his head, trying to steady himself to focus on Price with his blurry bloodshot eyes. 

“John… how did I fuck up so bad?”

“ You only got yourself to ask, don’t you? You did not heed my warning. Now, face the consequences. From what I have heard, you deserve it.” Price grunted as he took a sip of his drink. “You should consider yourself lucky she hasn’t set Soap and Ghost after you.” 

"I did what I had to do! To set her free.. from my cage.. she deserves to find her own happiness. She seems happier with someone else… " Nikolai retorted, trying to justify his action. 

Gaz, unsympathetic towards the sulking Russian man in front of him, snarled at him as he slammed down his glass of beer. “Well, too late isn’t it? Blindsided her, not giving her a chance to explain and accusing her of something that she would never do, now you are lamenting about the mistake?” Gaz leaned forward a bit more, ready to get physical. 

“Gaz.” Price grabbed Gaz's shoulder, trying to hold him back. As much as the urge of giving his friend some slap on the head himself for shattering your heart, he needs to stay level headed, to talk some sense into him. 

“Captain. Let me finish.” Gaz shrugs off Price’s hand, as he grabs hold of Nikolai’s collar. “Do you know how much she adores you? Everytime we catch up, she can't stop talking about you.  Nikolai this, Nikolai that. I need to find a new recipe for Nikolai. I need to go home early because Nikolai is coming over.” Gaz snorted. “Clearly that goes all over your head. Meaningless. Just someone you used as pleasure and dumped away as you pleased.” 

Gaz let go of Nikolai’s collar, and the man slumped back onto the table, not replying, but grabbed Price’s glass of whisky and proceeded to scull it all down, trying to drown and numb his own pain in alcohol. 

Clearly from what he gathered from Gaz and bits from Nikolai when he could talk coherently, there is still hope between you and Nikolai.

He wants to see his friend out of misery. He wants to see you happy,someone he loves dearly almost as a daughter, someone who he watched growing from a shy teenage girl into a fine mature woman.

The feeling is still there. Neither of you wanted to admit or let it go completely. They need to do something.

“I got a plan.” 

“You sure this is a wise idea Captain?” Gaz asked, worryingly. “Last I heard she was filing a restraining order against him.” The three men dragged almost unconscious Nikolai up flights of staircases of the apartment. “Plus I don’t want to face the fury of a pregnant woman… it wasn’t much fun when I experienced it last time…”Gaz shivered as he recalled the memory of his sister, in her final stage of pregnancy, fully blasting at him for a little mistake ( well, he admitted it was his fault.). Yuri nodded his head fast, clearly agreeing.

Three of them decided the best course of action, with the persuasion of Price, even if it’s breaking the law and your wishes, was to let the two of you talk it out, face to face, for one final time. 

“I don’t think either of our team will have a moment of peace if we don’t get this over with." Price grunted as he dropped the deadweight body of Nikolai in front of the door. "I'll bear the consequences if this doesn't work out." He jerks his head towards your apartment, giving him the go ahead. 

"Ok here goes nothing." Gaz recites a silent prayer as he presses the call button on his phone. Few seconds later he could hear the faint sound of your phone ringing from the otherside of the door, and the muffled sound of you mumbling before answering the call, sounding tired and drained. He must have woken you up. 

"What's going on for you to ring this late?” you yawned. “Wait, did something happen to Johnny?? Or the team?" Your voice raised with anxiousness. 

“Everyone is alright, don’t panic, um,” Gaz shot a look at both Price and Yuri. “Could you.. Open your front door please? I am just outside.” 

Your apartment door opens up immediately. “Kyle! Why… oh, Captain, um, Yuri too?” 

you looked down as your foot accidently kicked Nikolai's body on the ground, expression turned from surprised to horrified to anger.

“Kyle.” you took a deep breath in, piqued by your best friend’s deception. “You know I don’t want to see his face again.” you then proceed to turn towards Price and Yuri. “and you two!! 

“His idea.” Yuri just pointed at Price, unapologetic for dobbing him in. 

Price held up both of his hands,defending himself. “You two need to talk. Let him explain himself. Give him a chance.” 

You snorted. Giving Nikolai’s unmoving body a slight tap with your toe. “Well, if this piece of haggis is still breathing. Then maybe.”  

“Good! Problem solved! Ok, then we leave the two of you be.” Gaz quickly took a step back, tucking both men on each side, ready for retreat. 

“Wait!!!” you called out, pointing at your stomach. “Are you three going to leave a pregnant woman to try carrying this deadweight into the apartment??” 

Nikolai slowly opened his eyes to a familiar ceiling. 

But it’s not his own apartment.  But a place he thought he would never set his foot in again. 

How did he get here?? 

Running his hand down his face as he slowly adjusted his position on the couch, letting the blanket that was draping over his body slowly slide down onto the floor, trying to get a sense of things. 

“Finally awake?” 

His head snapped up as he heard your voice. He took a sharp breath in as he slowly took your feature in.

His head is reeling from both hungover and the sight of you, someone he missed and hasn't seen in a few months. 

There you are, standing behind the couch, with a steaming hot mug, with an irritated expression on your face. 

And your stomach. Raised bump can be seen even with the loose fitting lounge wear you are currently in. 

Busting in pregnancy glow.

His beautiful Lastochka. Carrying a life within you. 

His child. 

You step forward and pass the hot mug into his hand, only letting go after you made sure he wouldn’t spill the content onto himself with his unsteady hand. 

“I know you are not a fan of ginger. But this will help you with the hangover.” you commented before walking away towards the kitchen again, fixing yourself a drink. 

He slowly took a sip, frowning slightly at the smell and taste of ginger, followed by the tangy taste of lemon,sweetness of honey.. And..

Raspberry jam. 

Similar to the way to the drink he made for you when you were struck down by sickness months ago.  

He took another sip, trying to swallow the bit of sadness that is surfacing up. He can’t crumble in front of you. He can’t show his weakness.  

Distracting himself, he looked around the apartment. That is when he notices all the packing boxes that are haphazardly lying around. 

“... you moving?” he asked, voice husky from dehydration and being hungover. 

Walking back towards the couch area as you stir your own drink, you replied, “I am. Going to move in with my parents back in Scotland. My boss is gracious enough to let me work remotely, and only needs to be physically present for a few times a year afterwards.”  you gripped your mug before continuing. “I’ll be out of your neck in no time. You wouldn’t need to  see my face again for hopefully forever after.” 

“Lastochka…” he starts speaking, brain trying to catch up to the fact that you were going to move away from this country, away from him. 

“Don’t call me that.” you replied coldly. Nikolai never felt fear like this before. Not even when he was faced with the prospect of death, looking down the barrel of the enemy's gun.  “You have lost your right to call me the day you decided to turn your back on me and your child.” you spat out the last few words, anger started to rise. “Price and two others tried to convince me to talk to you, but why? Give me one bloody damn good reason why I should even bother!” 

“Please just let me explain…” Nikolai begged as he sat up more from the couch. “I was wrong, I was stupid enough thinking you were happier with someone else. Convince myself you don’t love me.”

“Did you even give me a chance to explain at all?’ you growled. Nikolai opened his mouth, and closed it. “No you didn’t. You make assumptions everytime I try to explain, cutting me off. Coming to your own conclusion.” blowing out air from your nose like an angry bull, ready to charge into fight. “You could have me, Nikolai. I loved you. I was going to tell you that the night you denied me.” Tears start to stream down your face as you try hard to let the emotion get the better of you, to no avail. “But it’s too late. Finish that drink and get out of my face.” 

You turned away from him, not daring to look at his distraught face.

This is for the best. For both of you.

For you and the baby. 

A sharp pain struck you all of sudden. Holding your stomach, you let out a yelp as you dropped to your knees, spilling the hot drink in your hand onto the carpet in the process.

Nikolai quickly stood up, jumping over the couch and kneeling beside you. 

“What’s wrong lasto…. Mini, tell me what is wrong? Are you feeling pain? Is the baby ok?”

Shaking your head, you try hard to control your breathing. He quickly scoop you up into his arm, into a bridal carry. 

“I’m taking you to the hospital,” he declared.

“You are NOT taking me to hospital.” you replied as you grit your teeth, cold sweat running down your forehead. “Just call my obgyn first before you do anything.”

“You are a stubborn little thing.” he growled, getting irritated by your stubbornness. “I am taking you to the hospital NOW, no matter what you say.” 

He grabbed your phone and key and ran down the stairs at lightning speed, with you in his arms. As he burst through the door onto the street, ready to hi-jack a bypassing car, he spotted a familiar figure a few metres away.

Nikolai was surprised to see that Gaz was leaning against a car, playing on his phone. “Uh, totally not stalking you two.. Was going to take you two out for brunch…wait, what’s wrong with Mini??” Gaz stopped when he saw you in Nikolai’s arm, in pain. 

“What are you doing here Gaz?! Nevermind, you got your car? Take us to the hospital.” Nikolai piled into the car without waiting for a reply, as he held you tight in the backseat. 

“Kyle… make sure you drive slowly.. Don’t drive like a maniac … Like Nikolai..because you are not from Russia….” you squeeze out a joke. 

Both of them turned to look at you with an incurious expression. “ Seriously Mini? Not a great time..” Gaz tutted as he turned his attention back towards the front, ready to attack the road. “ but I can relate…. But in a helicopter.. Piloted by him…”

“Hey! You survived though. So did I. Ugh my head…” you chuckled nervously, now feeling headache joining the discomfort. 

“Ok now shut up and just drive. We can discuss my skills later.” Nikolai ordered Gaz, unamused, not impressed with the two of you arguing away in an emergency situation.

Gaz let out a huff as he stepped on the accelerator.

“Now, looking at the result of the tests and exams, the baby is growing healthy and normal. You are just under too much stress and fatigue.” The doctor turns to Nikolai. “You shouldn’t have let your wife… “

“Ex-wife.” you corrected. 

“Wife.” Nikolai replies, in turn correcting you. 

"Ex-husband with benefits."

"Wife I pick up on the side of the road."

The doctor gave the two of you a confused look. “Alright, Wife and maybe ex-wife, or whatever the endearment you use to call each other, to be under so much stress. She needs to pull herself back a bit, if she is going to survive through the rest of the pregnancy. Now I’ll go file some paperwork first before discharging you. In the meantime, relax.” the doctor gave you a pointed look and warned, and left the two of you alone in the room. 

“What is the meaning of this Nikolai?” you questioned him, confused by his previous answer about the marital status. “ I thought we signed the paperwork and everything was finalised?” 

“YOU signed the paperwork. I haven’t.” he said. “I never.. I never submitted the divorce paper. It’s still sitting in my office. In the corner. Gathering dust.” Running a hand over his face, confessing the truth. 

“Oh.” you don’t know how to reply to this new development. “Um. I did get around to taking out a restraining order against you though.”

“... Oh.” 

“So you are actually breaking the law. Few times. Already.” you pointed out, slightly guilty. Technically he didn’t come to your apartment willingly, but was literally dragged and dumped onto your doorstep. “But that is not the biggest problem here. Why? Why with all the trouble serving me with the divorce paper, and not submitting it?” you questioned him as you mentally swatting that slight glitter of hope in the back of your mind.

“After seeing your reaction that night, I thought.. I thought I might be wrong about my assumption..” Nikolai whispered.

“No shit.” you snorted. “Like I said before, you never gave me a chance to explain, and accused me of sleeping with other people and trying to pass the baby as yours? Utterly insulting Nikolai. Humiliating.” 

“ I am sorry.” he muttered, head hung down in shame. 

“You should be.” You jabbed his hand. Sighing you turned your attention towards the slightly opened door. You can just see Gaz hovering about in the corridor, trying to be a sticky beak. You gave him a glare and he silently apologised with a smile before closing the door, giving you and Nikolai some privacy. 

“Nik." You gently reach out to touch his hand, he slowly raises his head back up, looking at you with sad puppy eyes. Almost reminds you of Johnny when he gets caught doing something wrong. "If I didn’t have any tiny ounce of feeling for you at all from the beginning, I wouldn’t have agreed to the union. Even if it’s for mutual benefits.”

“very good mutual benefits.”

“Shut up.” you smack his hand this time. “Let me finish.” He closed his mouth immediately, obeying you this time. 

Taking a deep breath in, you finally make the confession you were supposed to months ago. 

“Nikolai, or whatever your name is, if you are going to tell me one day. I love you. I do love you, still. Even after all the turmoils you put me through.” you look down at the jointed hand. “I was bitter, I was angry, I was drowning in sorrow. But I just couldn’t let you go. I realised I have fallen for you too deep, to jump out of it completely." 

“My life has been turned upside down the day I met you on the side of the road. almost kidnapped, assassinated, my ass shot at."Nikolai clicks his tongue and starts mumbling curses at König as he remembers the day your ass got damaged.

You ignored him and continued on."But would you believe even with those crazy things happening, I had the best time of my life. With you by my side." 

"Lastochka.." he murmured,testing the water. His eyes brightened at your confession. His hand slowly glides up towards your stomach, giving in a light caress before making its way up towards your face, cupping your cheeks. 

"I must be fucken off my head to let you back into my life. These damn pregnancy hormones." You rolled your eyes as you let out an exaggerated sigh."Consider this your lucky day that your daughter helped to save her Papa from being kicked into the dog house permanently." You huffed out.

Nikolai's smile couldn't be any brighter. 

" Are we having a girl?? Humm maybe I need few of the crews to station around her so no pests will come and take her away from me and taint her…"

"NIKOLAI." You stared at him with an unimpressed expression." You are thinking way too far ahead. She is still a foetus."

"Forward planning, my little bird. One can never be too careful." 

You chuckled. " and that is one quality I love about you."

His smile softened as he leaned forward, resting his forehead against yours, before closing the gap for a kiss. 

Your hand grasped around his gold chain as he deepened the kiss. You felt a familiar object dangling at the end of it. Is that….

“The wedding ring and band?” you whispered as you broke the kiss, looking down at the two rings attached to the chain. 

“I have it with me all the time, Lastochka.” he said as he unhook the chain from his neck, taking the two rings out. “hanging onto that little bit of hope of winning you back some day, to beg for forgiveness. To be together with you again.”

“Well,you did… ” 

“ successfully,” he interjected, proudly. 

“Shush. I still haven't fully forgiven you. You still have a lot of things to make up for."

He stood up from the chair, and proceeded to kneel in front of the hospital cot, with his signature cocky smirk that you miss so much.

“Well, as a start, my lovely Lastochka, would you marry me? Again? For your own protection? And for love?”

“ Just put that ring onto my finger. You bampot.”  

“Got a visual, Commander. They are walking out right now.” The voice crackled through Nikolai’s earpiece, confirming his worst fear. 

Snatching the binocular off Yuri’s hand, he let out a snarl as he spotted the targets. He is going to get rid of the threat once for all. 

“All teams on standby.” Nikolai commanded. Reaching for his weapon on his side. 

“Are you sure this is a good idea Commander?” Yuri asked, slightly worried. “What if she finds out.. What if both of them find out…” 

“It’s for the best. I will bear the consequences.” 

There is no way he’s going to let him take his precious little dove away. It’s enough that his father injured his Lastochka, there is no way he is letting his son do the same…

Suddenly he felt a chill running down his spine. Quickly spinning around, Nikolai’s eyes widened. 

“Bear what consequences? Humm? Nikolai? Care to explain?” You stood there, arms crossed , with a smile that didn't quite reach your eyes. 

“Lastochka… I can explain…” Nikolai held both of his hands up, ready to defend himself from your onslaught. You grabbed his shoulder and leaned forward as you narrow your eyes “are you spying on Anya again????” you asked. 

“Look.. if you just let me…”

“.... we’ve been breached. I repeat, we are breached by an unexpected intruder, all unit ready to exfil.” you snap your head around towards Yuri as he radios the rest of the Chimera soldiers, sweat starts running down his forehead. 

“YURI. Don’t you dare. Just wait until I tell your wife…” you warned him. 

Another voice joined in. “PAPA!!!!” Anya yelled out as she spotted you and the rest of the team. “I told you not to follow me! Again!” 

“Again??” The tall young man beside her asked, totally confused. 

Anya pouted, and proceeded to explain to her date. “Papa always stalks me whenever I go out on a date! Scaring everyone away…“

“Look my Облачко, Papa is trying to protect you!!! This Сволочь doesn’t deserve you…” Nikolai cooed as he talked to his daughter, trying to convince her of the evilness of the boy standing beside her.

“How dare you call my son a bastard?” A loud booming voice joined in the conversation, anger by the insult. “If it wasn’t for the sake of your wife standing here…”

You buried your face in your hand as you groaned, where the hell did König pop out from?? You seriously don’t need any more complication from this already bizarre situation. 

“Looks like we need to settle this argument, by force. Again.” Nikolai took a step closer to the Giant Austrian, taunting.

“I agree.” König tilted his head up, cocking his eyebrow. “Paintball?”

“Paintball it is.” 

“Your team free next Friday?” 

“Let's see..”Nikolai took his phone out, checking the schedule.  “Oh no, we are out on a mission.. How about Saturday, three weeks from now?”

“Oh good good. My wife will be free too. Hey Mini, can you bake something to bring along? We can organise a picnic during lunch break for everyone.” König turned towards you, already typing out messages to his team and his wife. 

Oh fucken steaming jesus. Not again…

“Ma…”Anya tucking your sleeve. “What the hell is happening??Why are they organising paintball matches all of sudden?”

You sighed. “Well.. let me tell you a story..how your Ma gets into this mess with your Papa and your uncles and aunties..”

The unlucky incidents.

The string of coincidences.

The strange but lovely life of Mini MacTavish. 

...... and Mini's ass got shot again.

Well, this is the end.

In @siilvan's words, this series started off from a taxi meme and turned into a mini unhinge crack series. and turned angst. I don't know what I was thinking.

Thanks for sticking with me peeps. I hope you all enjoyed the strange and unhinge series. it was a lot of fun to write, and maybe someday i'll come up with offshoots to this strange series.

Taglist :

@homicidal-slvt @nrdmssgs @siilvan @roosterr@preciouslittlecreature @bravosierra6 @gamergirlbones@whydoilikewhump @alypink @ashwasherelol @okayyadriana @liyanahelena @miyabilicious @caramlizedtomatoes @deadbranch @celshideout @merkitty49 @abbeyrjm-blog @shyravenns @okamimarta

[octopiys]

I don’t have a writing request but I do have something funny my friend said if you want to use it for an inaccurate quote.

“WAIT I READ THAT WRONG. I THOUGHT IT SAID COLORFULLY DEPRESSED PERSON, NOT DRESSED”

I have more if you want them:

🪶

YES A FIRST ASK IM SO EXCITED PLS SEND MORE

Incorrect COD as things my friends have said pt3

Ghost, looking at a dog with one eye: So.... how big you think his blindspot is?

-

Roach: I feel like a ghost would just be a soul and like some, yknow, water moisture.

Ghost: ???

-

Nikolai: I say... I say we cut the old lady out. Shave off some time.

-

Ghost: hey, look what I just sent you.

Soap: oh alright

Soap, opening up his phone:

Soap, spits out his coffee: hey that's not very-

Ghost: wh-?

Soap: OH.

Soap: WAIT I READ THAT WRONG. I THOUGHT YOU CALLED ME A COLOFULLY DEPRESSED PERSON, NOT DRESSED-

Gaz: you're a right idiot, mate.

Soap: shut up.

-

Rodolfo, trying to reassure Soap: no, no, you're gonna do fine! You're gonna be fine-!

Soap "Sucks At Spanish" MacTavish, entering Alejandro "Is Refusing To Talk In English" Vargas's room:

Rodolfo, turning to Ghost: he's gonna fail. He pronounced el pueblo like "Ell Pyuooblow".

-

Gaz: Life, liberty, and the pursuit of your mom

Price, deadpan: I'm giving you away.

-

Roach: I know you're an attention whore, so whore me!

Ghost:

-

König: I met a stripper for the first time last weekend!! I paid her a dollar and she licked my hand.

-

Soap: that's so sad. Imagine you're drowning, and you see a room full of air...

Soap: SIKE! GAS CHAMBER!

-

Valeria: so you know how people charge their crystals with sunlight and moonwater?

Alejandro: why are you in my house

Valeria: not important.

Valeria: anyways, we should try it with tequila.

-

Laswell, gesturing to Price: He knows how to please the gays.

-

Alex: you know, I had fish tacos in elementary school once.

Alex: then my appendix burst.

-

Gaz, about to go over some training course: It's gonna be like... you're at a party. John walks up to you. Offers you cocaine. Do you take it? Hell yeah.

-

Price: this is my husband, I know he looks like a twink but he might be able to beat you up.

Graves: hello??? Might???

-

Soap, reading a card: what were elvis's last words?

Gaz: this was supposed to be off topic, but I gotta take a shit.

-

Farah: don't mind me, just tickling Jeffery Dahmer

Alex: what?? The fuck???

Farah, showing him a tamagotchi:

-

Shepherd: no, that would be personification of science.

Shepherd: because science doesn't exist.

Graves, on his last limb here: sir-

[bunglegaydogs]

bsd ep 61 spoilers fr xoxo

so uh

that was a fucking wild ride

and it was only 30 seconds long

i have a couple of things to say on this subject

i also cant feel my hands from the cold so im dreading how long its actually gonna take me to write this post

ANYWAYS

Obvious spoilers for episode 61 preview!!!

~~~

So, my first thing was that Aya looks much happier in the anime than the manga lol. I don't know why this is important to me but I felt as if I should say it, because I don't know what exactly her plan is? But it's almost as if there's not a chance of her falling to her death involved in this little stunt that she's pulling.

Anyways.

Next thing to note is that she's clearly intending to land on something - and I saw a post just before that said maybe she misses the table and lands on Atsushi and Aku instead and in turn saves Atsushi from becoming a vampire. Which I do think is plausible - because if I've learned anything from this fucking series it's that if you expect something to happen after a certain thing happens, don't, you're wrong. Don't expect what you're expecting. It will be something completely out of left field that you get slapped across the fucking face with like a chilled fish bro that shit stings from the iciness.

Next, of course, Atsushi and Aku. Now, I don't think that Atsushi's going to become a vampire - it seems pretty long-winded now, plus where would the story go after that? Him and Aku just sit there and stare lifelessly at each other whilst Aya falls from the building? I think, maybe, Aku will see Aya falling, and his instinct will be to save her, because he's been keeping his promise to Atsushi, and maybe he recognises that if she falls and dies, it's "his fault" (it obviously won't be, but by means of association, the fact that he put her up there, he's like damn my bad fr) and go to save her, dropping Atsushi and obviously going to her, but I don't know, maybe that's not plausible at all.

Also, Atsushi is awake here??? Hello? Atsushi wasn't originally awake. Plus, Aku has that bitch hanging by Rashoumon - how has he gotten him awake and why's he pulled him closer? Anyways lol.

Next, FUCKING FYODOR AND NIKOLAI.

So, when I saw the split second of Fyodor, I actually almost did scream this time. Because I immediately recognised that he was in a vehicle of some kind. I, at first, thought that it was a van or a car, but someone else pointed out that it could have been a helicopter.

Ah, okay, looking back on the scene, that lowkey seems plausible.

For Nikolai.

Nikolai's hair is blowing in the wind. So either he's outside and it's windy, or he's in a helicopter or something. But Fyodor's scene looks pretty still. His hair isn't moving, the scenery outside is staying the same. It looks like a sky.

Behind Nikolai, it actually looks like a wall of some kind. Maybe a gate pillar thing. What if he's waiting outside Meursault, and sees Dazai and Chuuya coming out? I don't know.

Disregarding that theory, my guess is they're just trying to trick us into thinking that Nikolai is reacting that way because of Fyodor, or something he said, or him escaping, but I think that they're just two completely different scenes set at the same time maybe? I really don't know. I also don't know what Nikolai could have seen or heard for him to be shocked after smiling, I don't know.

Anyway, Fyodor is looking rather smug. No blood on him. And I don't really know, but we can't see his shoulder properly, but from what we CAN see, there's no wound or blood from where Sigma shot him. BUT that might be unimportant because I don't think Sigma actually shot him in the anime like he did in the manga. Just grazed him. Anyways.

He's looking fantastic for supposedly having just escaped Meursault after nearly drowning, burning his hand, getting shot in the shoulder, AND being covered in blood from where he'd just shot the time manipulator ability user.

He's clearly explaining something.

Also, is it weird if I say that he looks eerily similar to Mori here? Because I can't lie, he's looking an awful lot like him - more than he usually does. Violet eyes, long black hair, manipulative, etc. I don't know. It's also... is it an expression we see on Fyodor a lot? It seems... different. Off. What if this motherfucker's actually just Mori in disguise? LMAO Imagine I'd piss.

See, because, Nikolai isn't a happy surprised, or mildly amused. He just looks... shocked. I don't know.

I'm really looking into this sorry lol.

His hair's a bit messier than usual. Which, you know, valid, considering what's just happened. But... everything else is fine. No blood, no wounds, no anything. He's normal. So why is his hair a bit messier? Is it important or am I just looking too much into it? Maybe he was in a helicopter with Nikolai, or in a windy place. Also, just skimmed through episode 10, ignore me about the blood, he's apparently already wiped it off after he shot the bitch lol okay Mr. fucking hygiene.

Anyways, yeah, his shoulder has a rip in the shirt. I know we can barely see his shoulder in the clip we've been gifted with, but the rip is pretty high up. And, even after having a pretend mental breakdown, being drowned almost, getting shot, etc. Even after all of that, his hair does not look messy. WHY IS THIS SO IMPORTANT TO ME, I DON'T KNOW. I LOOK FOR THE SMALL THINGS I'M SORRY.

There's going to be a perfectly reasonable explanation for this and I'm just chatting shit.

Anyways.

I don't actually know what the fuck is happening here. I really don't. I'm just clutching at straws to preserve what little of my sanity Bungou Stray Dogs has left me with. I don't know. The way Fyodor is talking and just his expression doesn't sit right with me. It feels more like the way Dazai and Mori sometimes talk when they like know that they're right or explaining something or predicting or something, do you get what I mean? No? Okay. LMAO.

So, my next thing is of course the two fucking Fuku's because I lowkey wanted to scream when I saw Fukuzawa was not dead. I'm glad we have that confirmation - can I ask where the fuck the 'One Order' has gone though? Because Fukuchi's not holding onto it anymore. His arms bleeding. His neck is pouring with blood (fresh wound), but from what? Fukuzawa hasn't even took the sword out of him yet. How has he gotten sliced up already? He doesn't have any weapons on him. Neither does Fukuzawa. And, to me, it looks like Fukuzawa's just stood up or something.

And Fukuchi's reaching for something.

He's reaching out for something, and Fukuzawa has his back on him. Fukuchi looks enraged before he leaps at Fukuzawa, hand outstretched, maybe to grab Amenogozen, maybe not. But Fukuzawa is alarmed, and turns around, ripping the sword out of his fucking abdomen.

I don't know. The way Fukuchi ran towards him seemed... desperate. He seems like he's losing. His last resort. I don't know. It's just not very Fukuchi to charge towards him so clumsily and try and grab something the way he tries.

And again, why is Fukuchi's arm bleeding, and why is he sporting a rather Aku-type injury on his neck? Because it certainly seems that it wasn't Fukuzawa who caused that - he had his back turned and the only weapon he has is currently wedged deep inside of his stomach. Maybe it was Tecchour from afar. Maybe it was Tachihara manipulating metal. Maybe it was Kyouka. Maybe it was Yosano. Who knows. Maybe it was Fukuzawa.

Right okay so I've just skimmed through the episode again and Fukuzawa doesn't even have the fucking sword inside of him to begin with, so half of my rambling there has been rendered useless lol.

Anyways, and more importantly, where the fuck is 'One Order'?

It's no longer in Fukuchi's hand or ear. What the fuck?

His cape is missing. One Order is missing. Fukuzawa has somehow acquired a sword through his abdomen. Fukuchi is injured from his neck and arm. He's angry. Fukuzawa had his back turned. Fukuchi seems desperate for something.

Man, this is like a fucking riddle.

So, yes. Fukuzawa (quite easily, actually) rips Amenogozen out of himself and makes to swing for Fukuchi, who is without any weapons, injured, angry, and seemingly desperate.

Fuck, the sakura petals and the implication of Fukuzawa using Fukuchi's own sword to kill him, after fighting with him so many times oh my GOD I could get more into this but I won't, I won't. (Maybe later fr)

He seems pretty determined, dead-set on slashing this bitch. However, he becomes shocked at something, and not just a normal shock. That's an "Oh, fuck." shock. Then, it cuts to Fukuchi fucking smiling.

Smiling and reaching a hand out to Fukuzawa. We don't see his eyes. We only see his smile. A portion of his hand. The sakura petals. AAAA I'm so fucking sick.

Then, of course. We get a flashback. They're fighting. And for just a split second, you can see a smile on Fukuzawas face. Literally such a minuscule fucking thing.

And then it cuts to them now. And I don't mean now as in, middle of battle now, nor do I mean prior to their fight now. I mean, now. I don't know where now is or how it came to be, but they're obviously in their current attire. And you can see the wound on Fukuzawa's back. You can literally see it. So, whether they both die and this is some sort of heaven sequence, or something happens and they clash inside Amenogozen, and time is slowed or something, I don't know.

Does a sword count as a subordinate to Fukuzawa? Because if so, he can utilize that sword and manipulate it to his heart's content.

Anyways, it's peaceful. There's two cups of tea on a bench ahead of them. There's a fuzzy sort of outline to everything, maybe trying to make us assume that it's a flashback, when it is, in actuality, not. Unless, they've had a fight very similar to this one, in the same attire, but at a different time (obviously) and it wasn't fatal (again, obviously).

Now, this was honestly just me trying to put the preview in order in my head and I thought other people might like to read my thoughts lol.

Long story short, there was a lot to unpack here, and I think a lot of hidden meanings and misdirections, trying to make us think one thing but in fact it's going another way.

Anyways, have a lovely day/night! Thank you for reading ^^

(Wow, I did not mention Soukoku or Chuuya and Dazai ONCE in this post (shush I mentioned Dazai before that doesn't count) and yes I am hoping that they showed us nothing in this preview because they're fine and safe and going to pull something off and be very surprising but we can only dream and fuck I'm dreaming so hard I'm DELUSIONAL bro)

[flowersandbirdsflyingfree]

Ultimis’ Favorite Things! (What Makes Them Happy)

Tank Dempsey

A big chunk is revealed in his World at War bio. “Hand him a loaded weapon, a good woman, and something it shoot at and he’s happy.” Dempsey appreciates the simpler things in life. Anything that includes ass-kicking and a lovely lady by his side is enough to keep him grounded. A nice, cold beer would be nice as well!

Cats! He's a total softie about them. Tank actually owned several in his lifetime. As a kid, he had a calico cat named Sadie. She had a cat sibling named Mason, who’s fur was black and white. And then there is his orange tabby back home named Rocket. Rocket finds himself into a lot of mischief easily. Having zoomies around the house and stealing socks (and once munched on Tank’s $20 bill), he eventually calms down and Tank feels at ease having him purr on his lap.

Believe it or not, Tank does have appreciation for the great outdoors. He has a lot of fond memories about his Dad. A big majority of those memories take place camping in late summer. He finds it easier to ground himself when on a long hiking trail, birdwatching, making a campfire and canoeing. No fishing though, he will fistfight a mackerel.

Takeo Masaki

Peace and quiet. Complete solitude. He’s very introverted, perhaps to the point it’s been concerned that he’s a hikkikomori. But that won’t stop Takeo from finding a place with gentle atmosphere. A bonus if he can have a cup of tea as well, lemon ginger with a spoonful of honey to be exact.

His hobbies give his mind distraction. He enjoys tending to his small garden of flowers and a small bamboo plant. If he had to choose, he would say African daisies are his favorite flower. Takeo also loves Lily of the Valley, but knows they can be poisonous so he doesn’t have them. Other hobbies include meditation, reading, working on his memoir, keeping sharp on his combat training and his new interest in woodworking.

Takeo will light up if you have his specific type of witty humor. He isn’t always thrilled by crass comments. But there have been a few times he let it slide by for the sake of making light of a situation. The best I can describe it is that it tends to be a little snarky with some situational humor. It’s what helps him connect a bit better with Dempsey.

Edward Richtofen

I think it goes without question that he is a huge bookworm. But his taste is not what you’d expect. Aside from nonfiction involving scientific topics, he also enjoys romance novels. But he’d never confess that to anyone! One of his all time favorites is a theory written about the concept of time and quantum gravity research.

Edward has always dreamt of traveling. Technically, he is with the teleporter. But it’s not the same as having a getaway vacation like a train ride to the Swiss Alps or exploring a bustling city like New York. He recalls a few times where he tried to make a vacation out of traveling abroad for Group 935 and illuminati related purposes. And his family had visited Italy a few times in past summers as a child. Perhaps someday, he’ll be able to make this dream of his a reality.

Success, of course! Isn’t it obvious? When you’ve had so many colleagues und oppressors order you around, it’s enough of a drive to finally take control in your hands and to do things YOUR way! He’s a highly ambitious doctor. There is always a plan accompanied with a goal or purpose in the long run. The smoother things go, the more gleeful he behaves. Is that why he was so happy at Camp Edward?

I’m mad because knowing him, there is definitely one way to relieve his stress that we will NOT speak of. Ach, primitive simpelton! Instead, I’ll add that he has a soft spot for jazz music and stuffed animals (both real and the teddy bear kind)

Nikolai Belinski

There’s more depth to him than just your standard vodka answer. But we’ll kick things off and say yes he does enjoy a good drink. His favorite besides vodka is Țuică. But it’s SO strong he saves it for special occasions. And he has to drink it at home because he got kicked out at one of the bars he used to go to because of it.

Believe it or not, he’s an excellent cook! He can win the hearts of many with a warm meal. Nikolai enjoys making comforting stews to pelmeni to even bread baking every now and then. It was more frequent when he was sober but he still gives it a shot every now and then. Just as long as he’s regular drunk and not super drunk. Super drunk makes everything a bit disastrous.

Nikolai loves stories. He has many good ones to tell. But he also loves hearing from others about their lives. Nikolai also enjoys card games like blackjack or war. He’s an incredibly skilled player so if he asks you to play, know you have a real challenge on your hands

[wizardfrog69]

Helloooooo‼️‼️ Good morning/afternoon/evening cause idk what timezonenyou're in. :)) This request has suicide stuff in it so obviously you don't have to do it if you're not comfortable with that‼️

Basically, reader who is a minor (it's more dramatic if it's a child 🥰) is with the DOA. They already want to die, and tried a few times but Nikolai ended up saving them, because they still need them for one of Fyodor's goofy plans. And this time, the reader is just like "oh hi Fyodor pls kill me"

What would happen??? Would they die? Would anyone care if they die??? OoooOOOoOOoOOOoO

Thanks for reading this, and before you think anything weird, no I'm not gonna slide in the sewer, I'm just feeling silly

Byyye, love your works!!❤🧡💛💚💙💜 rainbow hearts cause you're gay 🥰

Omg I love this request, and thanks for making me laugh. And I'm in the European timezone, so it's morning for me. Good evening or afternoon, I'm assuming, but afternoon/morning/night

'•.¸♡ Let me die ♡¸.•'

Warning!!!! This contains a child wanting to commit SUICIDE and dying!!!!

If this subject is triggering in any way, please do not read! Your mental well-being is more important!

Angst (platonic)

Warnings! Suicide, description of suicide attempt (consuming rat poison), self hate

I know this subject can be very triggering, especially since the character is a child, so please continue at your own risk and please take care.

Masterlist

Enjoy!

Fyodor/Nikolai x child reader (platonic)

This mentions suicide!!! A child wants to die in this!!

First point of view

I was forced into an organisation called the decay of angels. From the name alone, i should have guessed what it was about, but I didn't. How could I? There's a reason I want to die.

The people there are horrible, there's a guy, his name was Fyodor or something, he never comes out of his office and has this brutally cold look in his eyes, like he wants me dead. Then there's this clown... Nikolai was his name. The only nice person here is some guy named Sigma, but I can barely see or talk to him. Everywhere I go, it sucks but what else am I supposed to do?

I've had enough, enough of these people and enough of this world. I found a bottle almost full of rat poison. Since it's poison, it should kill me, no? I'll just drink the whole thing. But where? Here? No, I shouldn't. Someone might try and stop me, but would they? No, im useless. No one will ever try to save me.

I stand there, looking at the warnings on the bottle, I open it and sniff it. It smells... like fish? I cover my nose after smelling it. It smells like shit! Ew. I'm a bit hesitant to drink it. It smells like fish, so it must taste worse. Well, if I'm going to go out, I might as well go out with something that smells like shit.

I bring it to my mouth, but before I drink it, I feel a hand take it way, then my hand disappeared! What the hell! I look over and see the clown, Nikolai. That's my hand! My hand is in the air! I tried to move it, and I accidentally dropped the poison. Shit!

"Hey, let go!" I shout, he's not that far away, I know he heard me. He did so and walked up to me. "Don't kill yourself! We still need you!" He responded, he wasn't even worried! Does he not care??? What I-! Ah! "Why? What for?!" "Come with me." He took my hand and led me into the office of the cold guy.

He didn't even knock and simply walked in, still holding my hand. "Hey, dostoy~" He exclaimed. He never talked to me like that! How rude. "We still need this one, don't we?" He points to me. This one??? He could have at least not called me this one! The cold guy- Fyodor, looked at him and simply responded "yes". Fuck it! Maybe he can help me die. I walked up to him, the clown letting go of me while I walked up to the cold. "Fyodor, can you kill me?" I asked. Maybe he'll agree. I swear if he pulls the 'Oh but you're too younge to die!' Or 'you're just being dramatic' shit I'm gonna punch him. "You're already dead." The said plainly. What? I'm already dead? What is that supposed to mean?.... That... I was going to die at the end of his plan anyway?... Oh, that. It's what I want, isn't it? "Thanks." i leave, the clown staying behind.

It's what I wanted, I wanted to die, and now my death is final... shouldn't I be happy? Shouldn't I be relieved?... why do I feel this way....

Why am I crying....

༺♡༻ 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 ⋆ 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 ༺♡༻

Such a silly request :)

Idk why I made them cry at the end, ehm, yeah :)

Have a wonderful day/night, and idk, do whatever makes you happy :)

-with lots of love, Az

[chupenguin]

Fret not, dear heart

(This is my fic for the @grishaversebigbang, hope u enjoy it!!)

Materialki: @paranormarine piece!!! I'm so in love!! Look at this amazinf thing!!! (art) 

Ethrealki: @patronsaintofdemons This fic has another part!! Go read it here to have more of this au (fic)

Summary: 

Her back faces him, clad in a blue jacket with white sleeves and strange worlds engraved across the back. 

Sopot hockey

What is a hockey is a mystery Nikolai would leave for later, now he’s busy trying to look at his hands, at his feet. He’s busy pinching his own face to check that he’s not dreaming. When he shoves his finger inside his mouth, Nikolai finds a plain, normal, perfect row of teeth.

A shiver runs down Nikolai’s back when rain keeps soaking him. He feels cold, something he had forgotten after weeks living by Genya’s fire.

“Welcome to Sopot,” Zoya’s voice reaches him in the middle of the fog that clouds his mind. “Now tell me why are you here and why I shouldn’t hide your dead, cold body where no one else could find it?”

Or: Nikolai gets cursed, finds The Storm Witch in a strange castle and follows her into a stranger world

Ao3 Link

Zoya looks blue today, and Nikolai doesn’t talk about the silk of her blouse or her eyes. Today she is blue. She looks sad instead of fierce and Nikolai can see it.

And he’s sure Genya and David, after living with her for much more time than he has, can say it too.

There’s something about the witch that seems off and Nikolai wants to find what. He had been living there for several weeks —or maybe months, he’s not really sure about how time flows in the castle— living here, he had never seen her like that. 

Zoya is rude and cold but hardworking, and she never complains about business. Due lines are always complete and no client is left unsatisfied when the Dragon Witch is the one tending to your demands. 

But these past days Zoya seems distant, less focused than usual, all of today’s clients have been attended by Genya or David. 

It’s late when Zoya steps out of her room. The moon shines up in the sky, which means that Nikolai’s wings are gone and he feels a little less monstrous. It’s easier to sneak behind her now, without a stupid big body that knocks things out of their place. 

Zoya ties her hair in a high ponytail before making the dial by the door spin until it points to the black slot, opens it and jumps to the other side. Nikolai has seen her disappear through the door a lot of times. But he doesn’t know that waits behind the black door and…

He's scared.

Is Zoya meeting with a lover? Some high level client that can’t show during the day? Is she doing something dangerous out there? Following Zoya is never a good idea. Not without her permission at least- Zoya is a private and mysterious woman. Maybe it has something to do with her heartless Witch facade or with some gruesome secret. 

Nikolai had already checked for both corpses in the basement and a secret stack of romance novels that may shame someone like Zoya. Instead of that he had just found all of David's inventions and a trunk full of Genya’s dresses. The castle is a sifting thing but, if Zoya has a secret, it doesn’t lay beneath the walls of her home. 

So, searching for something to satiate his curiosity and his need to know what’s wrong with Zoya, he opens the door.

When he steps through the door the last thing Nikolai expects is for the curse to retreat. It’s so sudden that air leaves his lungs, pressure making his chest hurt. 

One time, when he was just a kid, Nikolai had tried to dive deeper than any other time, trying to catch the shine of a starlight fish for his mother. His lungs had burned, but Nikolai had looked up, seen the surface of the sea above him and thought that he wanted to have that view forever, before kicking against the current. Deeper and deeper until all he could see was water, not a single trace of the world above or his family boat. 

He had turned to lay - or float - on his back, the world around him bright and alive, so alive and fascinating that he didn’t even notice when it had been too much. 

Nikolai remembers hands then, pulling him up, up, up to the sky. 

Losing the curse feels similar. 

He’s sinking but nothing around him feels alive.

What is this place?

He feels hollow. Something here is different, like life itself is dull and weak. The curse is gone, but the only thing he can think about is how weak his knees feel and how everything is gray, soft rain tapping against the ground. 

A gentle tap-tap-tap that balances the loud thud of Nikolai’s own heart inside a chest that no longer feels the weight of dark magic.

He can’t feel magic at all.

Looking around the place he finds stone walls and dust under his nacked feet. He’s got so used to the claws that the feeling of dirt and soil doesn’t even bother him. In front of him is an iron gate that must have served as a portal to lead them here. So this is the place where the black door leads…

A garden.

He’s in a garden where plants of all kinds climb up the gray stone walls, with a gray sky above and gray ground under him, light rain falling from the sky. 

Everything is so gray and, in the center of it, stands Zoya.

Her back faces him, cladded in a blue jacket with white sleeves and strange worlds engraved across the back. 

Sopot hockey

What is a hockey is a mystery Nikolai would leave for later, now he’s busy trying to look at his hands, at his feet. He’s busy pinching his own face to cheek that he’s not dreaming. When he shoves his finger inside his mouth, Nikolai finds a plain, normal, perfect row of teeth.

A shiver runs down Nikolai’s back when rain keeps soaking him. He feels cold, something he had forgotten after weeks living by Genya’s fire.

“Welcome to Sopot,” Zoya’s voice reaches him in the middle of the fog that clouds his mind. “Now tell me why are you here and why I shouldn’t hide your dead, cold body where no one else could find it?”

I wanted to follow you.

“What is this place?” You looked so deep in sorrow that I had to follow “Where are we?”

“This is Sopot,” Zoya says and the wind carries her voice to him. “We’re in north Poland, I think you would like this place.” Poland.

Nikolai grew as a well educated kid, he was smart and quick on his feet. He loved learning and, above all, he was curious and wanted to travel the world. He learned to read nautical charts and maps, he learned about the four corners of their world and never had he heard about this place or this city.

“We’re not far from the beach, there’s this pier that-”

“What is this place Zoya?” Nikolai interrupts her, taking a cautious step to approach the witch. “Why is the curse gone?” Why is he back to being human?

“No curse can be sustained without magic,” she explains. Her left hand leaves the safety and warmth of her pocket and she reaches for one of the flowers. When she takes it away the tips of her fingers are red and Nikolai wants to kiss the color from her skin. “The only magic here is the lies humans tell to themselves when they try to find hope.” That’s why everything feels so dull?

This world is painted shades of gray and Nikolai finds it disturbing, unnatural.

“We’re not in Ravka?”

“We’re not in anyplace you know,” Zoya finally looks at him. Her dark eyes remind Nikolai of the sea right before the storm. “We’re the furthest you've ever been from your world.” “My world?” so many questions want to crawl their way out his mouth and Nikolai is scared that he’ll start to stutter for the first time in his life. “This is my world,” Zoya walks away from him, further into the strange garden. “I grew up in this house.” It’s not until she points it out, Nikolai notices why everything is so gray. A small house with dark walls and half collapsed. The shadows it casts condemns half of the garden to eternal darkness. 

“And I thought you were raised  by wolves or dragons,” Nikolai dares to walk after her. “Didn’t your mother crave you out of stone and storm gave you life?”

“I was born like any other mortal does,” Zoya’s black hair dances around her face when the wind rises, cold rin hitting their bodies. “And I found a way into your world.” She doesn’t explain any further.

She doesn’t tell him what a hockey is or why the house is silent as a cementerie.

“You found… a portal?” 

Yes, magic portals are a science. Math and physics and the right spell written in the right ink and lines drawn in the right angle. You don’t find portals. At least not in his world. At least that’s what Nikolai had thought all his life. If he had known that portals were something you could find he would have loved the ocean a little less, too busy trying to find one of those magic doors. 

“And you’ve been the first person fool enough to follow me through it.” Like he wouldn’t follow Zoya to the end of the world.

She has the charm of a leader, she makes you want to follow her. She has the kind of pull tides have.

“Since my teeth no longer look like a saw, I think I made a good choice my dear Zoya,” her blue eyes spark with something similar to amusement. Or maybe murderous rage, it’s hard to tell them apart. “But I guess we can’t stay here.” “No if you want to keep yourself alive,” Zoya crouches down and starts to pull weeds from the ground. She’s the last woman on earth Nikolai expected to see taking care of a garden, a beautiful one. “Your body feeds on magic, so does everyone in your world,” when Nikolai goes down to his knees to help, Zoya doesn’t bother to look at him. “So does mine now, your world changes people.” He doesn’t want to ask.

He wants to know, but he’ll take whatever piece of information Zoya gives him.

Nikolai won’t push, he won’t insist, he can sit patiently until she gives pieces of herself to him.

A whole life or whatever it takes.

Damn, he would be fine with what he already has, no need for more if Zoya doesn’t want it. He can bleed openly for her to see without nothing in exchange.

That’s how love works doesn’t it?

“I plant something here each time I lose someone,” her voice sounds distant, a trace of something Nikolai can’t identify. “Lilys for my aunt,” her hand gestures to the small flowers growing in the corner. “Forget-me-not for her daughter…”

“They…” Nikolai swallows. “Are they…” “Death? Yes,” when she stands she dust off non existent dirt for her pants. “A car accident, two years ago today.”

Zoya turns around, pointing to some red flowers, big and brilliant and gorgeous. “Dahlias for a friend and yew for another… Nina and Sergei I… lost them too.” 

She had lost so many people.

And if she belongs to two worlds… Nikolai supposes that she has the double of people to lose.

“I fear one day… I’ll run out of space you know?” her eyes are wet with tears when she looks at him over her shoulder. She’s beautiful even like this. “And I don’t know what I’ll do then.” Find another garden, Nikolai thinks. Bring down the wall so the whole world is your garden. 

But he can’t tell her that.

“I don’t know,” he says instead. “But I can promise that I’m not going to become one of these flowers.” You won’t lose me.

“Don’t promise things you can’t know for sure Lantsov,” Zoya walks to him, face cold as stone, but with blue eyes that tell Nikolai all he needs to know. “I don’t like promises.” “I cross my heart on that Zoya,” Nikolai traces an x over his skin, wishing he had his claws back. He would paint himself red for Zoya to see. “I’m here for as long as you allow me to be.” Zoya’s eyes, those eyes that are usually calm, are roaring with emotion as she lets her body fall against his.

Two years ago today, she said.

How long had she carried the pain alone?

Nikolai wraps his arms around her, locking her in a safe space where Zoya can brawl her eyes out and break. Nikolai knows that it’ll be gone the exact moment they’re back into the castle, so he allows her to cry now.

The monster and the witch, together under the rain.

________________________________________________________________

Nikolai doesn’t know how much time passes but, after a while they’re back into Zoya’s castle. Back to the already familiar sounds of the building, alive around them.

He prepares tea for both of them and Zoya changes into clothes that aren¡t soaked. She leaves her jacket by the fireplace to dry.

Silence is welcomed, instead of uncomfortable or tense. Zoya cried the tears she needed to cry. Nikolai held her… and now they have followed into a quiet place where none of them knows how to advance.

Light dances over Zoya’s face, casting shadows over her skin that flickers with each breath of wind that sneaks between the cracks of the castle. It’s a quiet pace, filled with a silence that remains Nikolai of the sea he misses so much. It’s the same quietness he finds when he lies under the surface, trying to sink in the bottom of the ocean.

Zoya sits in front of the fireplace, long legs tucked under her body, holding into the steaming cup of tea with hands that are no longer trembling. She looks smaller than usual, not weaker but… more human. Maybe she is, maybe she’s just one of those humans with a little too much love for magic.

“You’re staring again,” she says, voice low so she won’t bother any of the other habitants of the castle. “A picture would last longer.” “I was thinking,” he catches the tug in Zoya’s lip, the way she almost slips from that cold armor and laughs at him. “Have you ever thought about destiny?” “Destiny is for the third sons of a poor family and bastards from evil kings who will overthrone their parents,” Zoya answers questions with poison under her tongue. Sometimes Nikolai can’t help but wonder what’s behind all that hate for a world that, if cruel sometimes, he loves so much. “You don’t stick me like either of those Lantsov, or are you the seventh son of a seventh son?”

No, he’s not.

Maybe he’s not the youngest of three sons.

He’s the youngest of two, and no merchant has ever sold him a magic  device who will change his life.

He’s a sailor, but no mermaid has tried to drown him, to later fall in love.

He was loved, so no prince could rescue him from a dark tower.

Until the curse, Nikolai was meant to live the most mundane and normal life one could imagine. 

Until Zoya, Nikolai was meant to wander around, trying to find what made him feel alive apart from the ocean and his inventions. The witch is like one of the last some times, a strange machine he wants to tear apart piece by piece until he figures out the gears.

“Maybe I’m destined to find a star,” he says, eyes fixed on her profile.  Zoya’s nose is slightly crooked and, even if he doesn’t know it, he likes to think that, just like him, she broke it during a fistfight.

There’s something endearing about imagining the most powerful witch in the land getting into a fight using her hands.

“A star who would fall in love with me and I would rule the sky by her side.” “The ones who own the heart of a star are meant to live forever. You look like the kind of man that would be bored of immortality after a few years.”

And she’s not wrong. A life with no ends seems tedious and boring.

“I would annoy a certain witch until she des-immortalized me.”

It’s only in moments like this one, late at night with just the two of them, when Zoya allows herself to laugh. 

“There was this one song… a lullaby my aunt used to sing to me,” she whispers just for them and the fire to hear. “About catching stars and making potions. I think it was the first time I believed in magic.”

“She was the one raissing you?”

“Mostly. It was us two and her daughter,” Nikolai feels like, as soon as the fire dies and the sun rises, no trace of Zoya’s sincerity will remain. “My parents and I… we didn’t click.”

“The thing about blood relatives is that they can be deleterious for your health,” Nikolai says, leaning in to grave his own mug from the counter of the fireplace. “I haven’t talked to my parents in years, I don’t…” swallowing the knot on his throat, Nikolai forces himself to say the next words like it doesn’t make him feel like a cruel son, “I don’t even consider them my parents sometimes.”

His parents had been wealthy, they had given him everything. Toys, education, food and a roof over his head. They were the reason he had met Dominik so, in a way, they had gifted him his first kiss. 

But they were distant, they wanted a stoic and serious kid, not a curious and loud one.

When he left his home - his house, since it didn’t feel like he belonged there - he arrived at a small coastal town. The place rushed with life and magic, street vendors in each corner and loud voices filling the street. He was young and the old sailors were charmed with him as soon as he started helping around the marina. 

They taught him how to read nautical charts, how to navigate a boat, the ropes and the secrets of the ocean that had fascinated him for years.

For Nikolai, those old men and women had been more like parents than the real ones. 

But his story, his tale, is not for this night to tell.

This night belongs to Zoya. He doesn't want to interrupt the little flow of truth that the witch is letting escape from her cold heart. 

“I hope my mother is dead in some ditch along the road,” she raises her cup. “To a family we wish we didn’t have.”

“To the family we found along the way.” 

Their cups click, a soft sound in the silence of the night, and Zoya looks a little less blue than she did in the morning.

Fire suits her, it makes her glow like a bronze statue, hair so dark that it swallows the light around them.

Nikolai black eyes are fixed on her, and that’s how he wants the morning sun to find them.

________________________________________________________________

When Nikolai walks to the kitchen, he’s meet with Genya already waiting in the corridor, exactly what he was searching for.

“My dear Genya, would you do me the favor of warming a bath for this poor cursed soul?”

Nikolai bows in a way that would make his parents proud and takes Genya’s hand on his, leaving a caste kiss against her knuckles. “I really need a bath.”

Like he always does, David walks past them, not paying attention to the demonic creature holding his wife's hand. 

“You know the price,” Genya laughs, bubbly and happy. His good Genya, so bright and beautiful. Each day he wakes up and each day the small kid that still reminds him is glad for the sister he spent years asking for. “A song.” Genya always asks for little prices for her favors.

A song.

A tale.

A small trinket.

As a fire demon, she can’t leave the castle, so she would take anything from the outside world.

“Zoya, would you help me to entertain the most precious demon in the world?” he asks, eying the witch as she walks into the kitchen. “I could use a dance partner.” “I don’t dance with ugly bats,” she says, already opening the cabinets so she can get the breakfast going. “Just let him freeze Genya.” “My cold witch, what would I do without your disdain,” Zoya’s facing the fire, but he can feel her roll her eyes. “Would you dance with me then?” “Of course my dear,” she bows too. It’s an exaggerated bow, like the one Nikolai offered her. It’s fun, laughing at the things his parents taught him as a kid. He would never do it in front of a king, he still has decorum, but it’s fun throwing all your manes out the window when it’s just you and your friends. “What’s the song called, heart of mine?” Nikolai clears his voice, like he’s about to start the most heartbreaking ballad ever written. He takes a deep breath, holds Genya's hands…

And start stomping around the room, pulling her along as they spin and he sins like a drunk sailor in a tavern late at night. Voice deep and slurred. 

“I’m the captain of a Ravkan ship!” he screams and it mingles with Genya’s laugh. “In each port a wife waits for me!”

She throws her head back and laughs, hair like fire shining in the dim morning light.

“The blond front enchanted men and the ginger rode the waves,” he can feel himself about to laugh. “But I’m due to marry, oh who would it be? You my dear siren, who took it all from me!”

The song gets worse.

Way, way worse.

It’s fun to scream in a tavern and make a song up as you go, singing with friends and lovers, not minding how crude you are.

But Nikolai bursts into laughter so he cuts it short and finishes the song. He wants to wipe Genya’s tears, but the fire demon cries boiling water.

“I think I can warm the bath for our brute pirate,” she says, wiping away tears. “Tell me one thing, how many women slap their husbands faces after that one?” “More or them join the song,” he says. “After all, one of the lines says something about… you know,” he gestures to his body, holding another chuckle. “Masculinity.” “Sailors… they’re one of a kind,” she walks up the stairs and he trots behind her, loaning for his warm bath and breakfast before going for a flight. Before getting away from the kitchen, Nikolai looks over his shoulder.

Zoya’s blue eyes find him, there’s a small smile on her lips. She’s gorgeous and perfect and he returns the smile and the thing bubbling in his chest feels real as nothing he had ever felt before, mind flying back to last night.

.

.

.

.

.

.

That’s how he wants the morning sun to find them but, instead of that he talks again.

“The men raising me, not my father, also taught me a song,” he says as he stands. “It didn’t make me believe in magic, I already saw it each day, but he told me that he used to sing it to his husband…” It didn't make him believe in magic.

But it made Nikolai start to think about what love means.

“Indulge me?” offering Zoya his hand feels wrong now that the black marks cover his skin again. Even if once the moon is out the claws retract, it feels wrong holding so delicate as Zoya’s hand against the skin of a monster. “I don’t-” “Just for tonight, you indulged this poor soul with the truth, what’s a little more?” “I’ll step on your foot.” “And I’ll pretend it didn’t happen.” Zoya is an emotional woman, even if she thinks that the mask of stone she puts each morning hides it. He can see the shift in her eyes. From the blue of the deep sea to the one ocean right after a storm. He can see how she swallows and takes a deep breath.

“If you tell anyone…”

“I don’t plan to die an early death my dear,” he stands there. Like the stoic prince each person dreams of at least one. A hand behind his back, the other offered to Zoya. “Can I have this dance?”

“Just one,” her hand is small against his. Not delicate, Zoya may be the most beautiful woman he knows, but no part of her is delicate. “Just once.” “Is all I’m asking for.” At least for tonight.

At least for the night where truth bleeds out of them.

“You’re insufferable,” she says, placing her free hand over his shoulder. 

“I know.”

“You’re lucky I’m open to put up with you,” Zoya’s chin is up, back straight and shoulders firm. Like she’s declaring war instead of whatever this is. “You can’t imagine how lucky you are.” Oh he does.

Of course he does.

“Go and catch a falling star,” he starts, moving Zoya around the room. “Go and sail the savage seas.”

He signs, low enough for just them to hear.

A whisper that makes Zoya need to step closer, stop moving an ocean away from him to listen. 

“Get the parem root and a ring of gold, tell me, oh dear, where all the past year’s are.”

He thinks of Dominik, all the times he cowered away from him, all the times he regretted not doing this with him and how now it’s too late.

Or who cleft the Kestrel feathers

Teach me to hear the mermaids singing,

and ride the waves of life

Or to keep off envy’s stinging,

He thinks of his father and lipstick stains on his shirt that didn’t match the ones his mother always wears. They never taught him what love meant.

If that makes you promise me your heart

Find the scorching sun and capture the freezing cold

Put the wind in a bottle and love me for eternity

He thinks about Tamar and Nadia getting married with their feet buried in white sand. He remembers his own tears and the river Tolya cried. 

I've no need for mighty deeds

I could use an honest mind.

He thinks about the old sailor, telling him the story of his life. Telling him about the man he loved and the nights they spent dancing to this same song. He thinks about the night the sailor wept as he told him, how love hurt so much that it was worthy.

Decide what this is about

Write a second verse yourself

My dearest one, If thou be'st born to strange sights

Allow me to be one and love me for eternity

And he thinks about the woman in front of him. 

Fierce and gentle.

Opening him the doors of her home, allowing him to stay.

The woman searching for a cure and the way to fix this.

Ride ten thousand days and nights with me,

Until our hair turns white with age

And swear I’ll have  your hand to hold

To love and kiss to sweetly hold

He thinks about Zoya in her lonely garden.

Zoya, facing the storm to catch lightning.

Zoya in the morning, hair messy and pillow lines on her face.

Zoya, bright, vibrant Zoya.

“And love you for eternity…” the words die as he sings the last verse.

Silence rings and he meets ocean blue eyes. He could down in those eyes because calm, deep waters are the most dangerous ones. 

“It’s a good song,” she says, her head coming to rest against his shoulder. Maybe for comfort. Maybe so they can keep dancing. Maybe it’s just so she doesn’t have to look into his eyes.  “Do you know more?”

Of course he does.

He could lure Zoya for a whole life.

For a thousand and one.

Nikolai holds her closer, hands clasped on her back and just swinging on his feet as his lips part one more time.

“My heart just yearns to say, scream in the horrors of the night,” he could sing for Zoya forever if it means holding her like this. “I love you in ways that I can utter to say, so my rotting bones will sing for me when the rest is dead.” He sings.

Nikolai keeps singing.

And Zoya keeps being held, learning how to be held, and they keep dancing.

That’s how the sun truly finds them. 

[bumbleklee]

babysitting p2 (childe and zhongli)

masterlist | 1k prompt masterlist | baby series

pairings: childe and zhongli x female!reader (separate)

warnings: babies

part one (kaeya and diluc)

childe

“Is this our first date since the baby was born?” Childe asked casually, struggling to pick up a dumpling with chopsticks.

You took the opportunity to steal the dumpling off his plate, “It is.”

You would be lying if you said Nikolai wasn’t a handful. You loved him to death, of course, but your son was just so clingy. Anytime you left the house for work or to go grocery shopping, Nikolai cried. The same went for Childe.

So when you had a rough night and Nikolai was sleeping for most of the day, you took advantage of the situation. No one was available to watch him except Zhongli and honestly, you trusted the consultant more than the teenagers in Liyue.

“Are you having a good time?” Childe added, peering at your unreadable expression.

You nodded quickly, “I am! I’m just a little worried.”

Childe laughed softly, “Trust me when I say no one is better to babysit our son than Zhongli.”

Only back at your home, Zhongli was wondering if there was something better to babysit Nikolai than him. He was just a baby - how could he be filled with so much terror?

He woke up shortly after you and Childe left for your date and decided then that he would make Zhongli’s job a hard one. His little hands gripped around the wooden slats to his crib as he pulled himself onto his feet and screamed at the top of his lungs.

Zhongli came rushing into the nursery, “Is something wrong?” Nikolai quieted down for a moment, just a moment, to inspect Zhongli before bursting into dramatic tears again. Zhongli’s eyes widened as he pried Nikolai away from the side of the crib and into his arms.

He changed Nikolai and brought him into the kitchen, sliding him into the highchair. Nikolai threw himself down onto the plastic tray attached.

“Come on, now,” Zhongli said softly. He remembered you mentioning something about fruit in the fridge and he took it out of the container. Nikolai instantly perked up at the sight of the fruit but the baby forced a pout onto his lips still.

“Eat?” He asked.

Zhongli raised an eyebrow, “Yes, you can eat.” He placed a bowl of fruit in front of Nikolai and pulled a chair over to help him.

“Eat!” Nikolai said loudly, holding up a piece of cantaloupe towards Zhongli.

“For me?” Nikolai nodded. “Why thank you.” Zhongli took the piece of fruit and put it in his mouth, chewing it slowly. Nikolai handed him another one. “No, you need to eat it.”

“No!”

The crocodile tears were gone, instead replaced with a gummy smile. “No?” Zhongli wondered and Nikolai shook his head. The eleven month old baby pushed the bowl forward and watched as the fruit tumbled onto the ground. Instead of getting upset that he just wasted his snack, he only laughed.

Zhongli rubbed his forehead, “Maybe going for a walk will calm you down.”

He ended up taking Nikolai down to Liyue Harbor to the small, almost hidden, beach that was attached. There was a tide pool attached to the sand and Zhongli figured looking at the sea creatures would help the baby calm down for the night. Zhongli didn’t mind getting his clothes dirty and sat down in the sand, settling Nikolai on his lap.

Nikolai reached over and grabbed a handful of sand and immediately brought it to his mouth.

“No, no, don’t eat that,” Zhongli panicked. He unwrapped Nikolai’s fist so the sand fell back to the beach.

The baby yelled in protest and wiggled out of Zhongli’s hold, crawling onto the sand. The feeling was weird to him (why was he sinking into the ground?) and Nikolai wasn’t sure what to do or where to go. He ended up stopping in his tracks and sitting down in the middle of the beach.

Zhongli laughed at the baby before helping him to his feet. Nikolai could take a few steps while holding onto something and he did just that.

He led Nikolai down to the water and held him up by his middle to point at the passing fish or colorful plants. He tried to grab a fish multiple times but Zhongli made sure he didn’t touch the water.

“There’s a star conch,” Zhongli pointed out, “Do you want to bring it home for Childe?”

Nikolai nodded, as if he understood the question. “Dada!” He babbled, reaching for the shell. Zhongli reached past the baby and picked up the shell, rinsing it off in the water before handing it to Nikolai who held it with two hands.

By the time they returned back to the house, Nikolai was exhausted. His little eyes could barely stay open and as soon as he was laid down, he fell asleep.

Zhongli put the shell on the nearby changing table and shut the lights off. “Goodnight, little one.”

zhongli

As much as Jia was independent, she was clingy.

She could feed herself using a spoon, pull her own socks off, and hug her favorite stuffed animals but the moment you set her down, she cried.

Like now - you were so tired and just wanted to rest your eyes for a while but Jia was wide awake. Her face examined the living room as if she had never been there before even though she spent nearly everyday in it.

“You look exhausted.” A polite voice reminded you that you had guests over today.

You peered to the side, “Ah, kids, do you mind watching Jia while I take a nap?” You asked tiredly. Xiangling was the first to nod her head.

“Of course!”

Xiangling takes the baby from your arms and you finally stretch your arms for the first time in what feels like years. You kiss the top of Jia’s forehead before trailing to your bedroom, shutting the door and crashing immediately.

The boys watch in fascination as Jia and Xiangling make faces at each other. Her eyes were so dark they looked beady and Xingqiu reached over to boop her nose with his finger. Jia giggles and twists her body so she can babble nonsense at him.

Jia squirmed in Xiangling’s hold so the teenager put her on the ground and watched as she crawled towards a storage bin across the room. The baby sat up and dug through her toys before holding up a stuffed brown dragon.

“Is that a Rex Lapis plush?” Chongyun exclaimed. “It’s as big as her!”

The baby squealed in excitement as she squeezed the life out of the stuffed dragon. And just like that, it drops from her hold and she’s crawling to something else.

Jia stops at a pile of wooden blocks and tries to stack them on top of each other but is struggling. Chongyun and Xingqiu slide off the couch to assist the baby and make a tower of blocks together.

When Chongyun reaches to grab another one, his elbow bumps into the tower and the blocks topple to the ground, “Oops.”

Jia’s eyes widen in shock and a whimper leaves her lips.

“Don’t cry!” Xinqiu panics, “It’s okay, we can just build it again!”

They don’t want you to wake up so Chongyun rushes to make funny faces at Jia and Xiangling brings over the Rex Lapis stuffed animal again but nothing seems to be working. “I’ll get a snack!” Xiangling exclaims and hurries into the kitchen. “Xinqiu, can you help me?”

The blue-haired boy nods and jumps up to follow his friend, leaving Chongyun alone with Jia.

Her arms reach out towards him and Chongyun gathers Jia into his arms. He normally doesn’t hold her, afraid he’s going to drop her, but he admits it’s a nice feeling. His hand finds the back of her head and he hushes her gently.

“No worries,” He says quietly. Jia turns on his lap and Chongyun reaches around the baby to rebuild the tower. “See? All better.”

Jia claps her hands together and babbles loudly.

Chongyun was never a fan of babies. They cried, smelled, and cried more. But Jia was different. There was something about the little girl that could light up the darkest of rooms.

It was when Xiangling and Xinqiu came back into the living room that Jia’s happy demeanor changed. Chongyun had to put her down onto the ground for a moment and Jia took that as a direct slap in the face.

She starts crying - loudly.

“Mama’s sleeping!” Xiangling said, scooping Jia into her arms. “Look what I have?”

With her free hand, she held up a teething cookie towards Jia. Only this wasn’t enough to soothe the baby.

“How do they do it?” Xinqiu wondered, plugging his ears.

“Read one of your books to her!” Xiangling suggested.

“Are you crazy? They aren’t appropriate for a baby!”

Chongyun sighed and took Jia from Xiangling’s arms. “I’ve got this,” He said firmly. He propped Jia onto his hip and sat down onto the couch with Jia tucked snuggly into his arms. He felt her wet cheeks rub against his shirt.

Xiangling and Xinqiu watched Chongyun do nothing.

The teenager held Jia for what seemed like hours until she finally calmed down. She relaxed so much, in fact, that she fell asleep against Chongyun’s shoulder.

“How did you do that?” Xiangling asked, amazed.

Chongyun shrugged, “Call me the baby whisperer.”

taglist (if you want to be added)

@sugalizard @aestherin @kaiswasteland @sarahyumiko2 @xillusion @s-is-a-rattt @fyodoriist @asstsumo @x-zho​ @yuuuumiiin @jahnvi-d @kiss-my-axe @poweredbyghostadventures @mercurysmaiden @asstsumo @crapimahuman @cysperia @tempehlust @yyxy27 @simpforyaemiko​ @cysperia​

[milo-my-beloved]

chapter nine of stupid things!

Read on AO3 // Playlist // Buy me a coffee?

Group Chat: Double Daters

Jesper: guess where we’re going on friday

Inej: where?

Jesper: no u have to guess

Wylan: I know!! :D

Jesper: if u spoil it, i’m breaking up with u

Wylan: aw :(

Kaz: does this have anything to do with the email I just received?

Jesper: depends what ur email is about

Kaz: a ticket for a festival this friday

Jesper: ...yeah that’ll be it

Inej: why are we going to a festival?

Wylan: it’s our last friday together! I move on sunday :(

Kaz: do we have a choice in the matter?

Jesper: no

Kaz: then see you on friday, I guess

Jesper: hey Kaz you’re driving, right?

Inej laughs, sliding her phone back into her apron. It looks like there’ll be one last outing after all. She doesn’t know what she’ll do when she doesn’t have all these idiots to laugh at on her weekends, but she has an extra week to figure that out.

Nikolai wiggles his eyebrows. “Going on a hot date?”

“Shut up,” Inej whines, shoving him playfully. “We’re all going to a festival, actually.”

“Well, good luck,” he replies with a smirk. “I’m sure you’ll need it.”

{o0o}

The festival, as it turns out, is little more than a gathering of drunk people in a field decked out with a collection of speakers. Inej can’t say she’s particularly impressed, but she’s here now, so there’s no point in complaining.

“This is shit,” Kaz declares, his nose wrinkled in distaste as he surveys the crowd.

Inej smiles. “This barely classifies as a festival.”

“It’s closer to a houseparty that spilled out into the garden,” Kaz jokes, and Inej laughs.

He’s not wrong, though. Actually, it reminds her of the party where they first met.

“We need to stop being the only sober people at parties,” Inej announces, turning towards the bar. “Will you let me buy you a drink this time? I actually brought my wallet this time.”

Kaz grins, but shakes his head. “I’m the designated driver, remember? Besides,” he continues, pointing out Jesper and Wylan in the crowd. “I think one of us needs to stay sober to look after those two.”

Inej groans. “We need to stop going to parties just because Jesper asked us to.”

Kaz shrugs. “I don’t know… If we hadn’t gone to the last one, we never would have met.”

“I also wouldn’t have had to run away from a load of bouncers in my pajamas,” Inej replies, but she knows Kaz is right. “Jesper might not have been lying about the live music, though. Shall we see if we can find it?”

Kaz gives Inej one of his mischievous grins, offering her his arm, which she latches onto. “Sounds like fun,” he answers, and they head towards the crowd.

{o0o}

Jesper doesn’t remember the first time he met Wylan. He asked Kaz about it, later, but the man had just glared at him and told him that he would never pick him up from a houseparty again.

At the rate they are going, he isn’t going to remember tonight, either.

“WYLAN!” he yells over the music, slinging an arm around his boyfriend’s neck. They’ve been there for an hour or so, and thanks to the open bar, they’re both already quite tipsy. “HAVE I TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU?”

Wylan rolls his eyes, but Jesper’s rewarded by a huge, dopey grin. “You should do it more often,” he suggests, laughing at Jesper’s fake offense.

“WELL, I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.”

Wylan laughs. “I love you too, idiot!”

Jesper suddenly goes very still, like he has just remembered something. He frowns, pulling his arm back and patting his back pocket but coming up empty.

“Have you lost your phone again?” Wylan asks, concerned.

Jesper shakes his head. “NO, IT’S FINE. LET’S GO FIND KAZ AND INEJ.”

Wylan doesn’t look particularly convinced, but he nods anyway. “I saw them head towards the stage,” he says, taking Jesper’s hand in his and squeezing it.

The stage is near the bar, anyway. So far, he’s not quite drunk enough to forget that school’s over, and with it, everyone will be going their separate ways. In just a week’s time, he’ll be back in the Van Eck mansion with his father, and he might never see his friends again.

Jesper squeezes his hand back, giving Wylan his most charming smile.

If this is our last hurrah, Wylan thinks, then I had better make the most of it.

{o0o}

There is, in fact, a stage. It’s tucked away in a corner of the field behind a few tall poplars and an alarmingly large bonfire, so Inej thinks it’s totally reasonable that it took them half an hour to find it.

If anyone brings up that it’s right next to the bar… well. She doesn’t really have a good excuse for that one.

Even though it feels impossible, Inej is sure it is getting more and more crowded with every minute that passes. She lost sight of Jesper and Wylan a while ago, and the ice has melted in her glass of lemonade, leaving it lukewarm and slightly sticky.

Kaz looks like he might throw up and she doesn’t blame him, so she grabs his hand and tugs him around the bonfire, climbing up onto a boulder and pulling him up after her. Away from the crowds, everything seems much more manageable.

“Thank you,” Kaz mutters. Inej squeezes his arm in response, taking a sip of her drink.

“Let’s hope no drunk people try to climb up after us,” she jokes, and Kaz smirks.

“I don’t know,” he replies, wrapping an arm around her back to stop her from tipping backwards. “I think it would be funny to watch.”

“Kaz!” Inej chastises, slapping his arm playfully. “It would definitely not be funny. They could get hurt.”

“HEY GUYS!” Jesper yells from right behind them, startling Inej enough for her drink to slosh all over her legs.

She locks eyes with Kaz, both of them desperately trying to stifle their grin, but they burst out laughing anyway.

Jesper doesn’t seem to notice. “CAN I HAVE MY VERY SPECIAL PRESENT, PLEASE?” he yells at Kaz, wobbling precariously as he reaches out a hand so Kaz can pass it over.

Kaz looks him up and down, sizing up whether or not it’s a good idea. Eventually, he sighs, reaching into the inside of his jacket so he can pass it over to Jesper.

“THANKS!” Jesper shouts, smiling widely, before jumping back down and dashing into the crowd, presumably to find Wylan.

They both watch him go, Inej dabbing absentmindedly at the spilt lemonade on her lap. These pants are old, so she doesn’t particularly mind them getting wet.

“What’s his ‘very special present’?” she asks, fishing in her bag for a tissue. She comes up with an old Subway napkin and stares at it for a second, before mentally shrugging and trying to make it look like she hasn’t wet herself.

“Unless he manages to completely fuck it up, I think you’ll know soon,” Kaz answers cryptically, but he has a fond smile on his face, so Inej doesn’t worry about it. She trusts Kaz to tell her everything she needs to know in his own time, and she isn’t going to push when she has bigger problems.

“I’m going to see if the bar has any more napkins,” she declares, twisting around so she can slide off the boulder. “Want anything to drink?”

“A glass of water would be nice,” Kaz replies, smiling down at her.

“A glass of napkins and a wad of tissues,” she confirms, nodding as she drops down onto the crowd. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

“Don’t get lost,” Kaz jokes, leaning back into the extra space.

Inej just laughs, the noise disappearing into the night as she is swept into the crowd.

{o0o}

Jesper has the best plan in the entire world, and he’s absolutely sure the sober version of him would approve of it. That’s what his dad used to tell him - if you think you’re about to make a bad decision while drunk, figure out what sober you would think.

If he’s being honest, Jesper doesn’t think the sober version of him would be this calm about the plan. Sober Jesper would probably have put more than ten minutes of thought and more than three steps into the plan.

Luckily for him, Sober Jesper isn’t here.

Besides, it’s not like he has a history of making terrible decisions while drunk. Okay, sure, there have certainly been some… unfortunate accidents, shall we say, but nothing irredeemable. And, if you’re considering the bad things, you have to look at the good ones too; Kaz and Inej may never have met without him drunk dialing both of them, and look how happy they are!

(Well, happy is a relative term with Kaz. Jesper has seen him smile more than once a month, which - for Kaz - is an absolute win.)

Jesper’s favourite drunk decision is somewhere in the crowd, probably getting them both another drink. He feels bad about leaving Wylan on his own, but the first two steps of the plan require total secrecy, and it’s only for a few minutes. He’s sure Wylan can manage for that long.

With step one (Retrieve The Goods) complete, it’s time for step two of Jesper’s master plan.

He heads towards the stage.

{o0o}

There are no napkins at the bar. Inej doesn’t really know what she was expecting, considering the biggest infrastructure at this entire ‘festival’ is a few people stood on a unstable platform with some speakers next to it, but she’s still a little disappointed.

A little bit of looking around confirms that there aren’t even any toilets for her to grab some loo roll from, so she’s stuck with her one soggy napkin, Kaz’s glass of water, and not a lot else.

“‘Nej?” someone asks from behind her, and she swirls around to find Wylan looking a little dazed.

“Wylan?” she asks, concerned. “Are you okay? Where’s Jesper?”

Wylan shrugs, his entire body wobbling with the effort of staying up straight. “He said he had to go do something and that he’d be back in a minute, but now I can’t find him.”

Inej mentally curses him. “Did he tell you where he was going?”

Wylan pouts, considering her question. “The stage, maybe?”

“Okay,” Inej says, looping her arm through his so they don’t get separated. “Let me deliver this to Kaz, then we’ll all go find him together, okay?”

Wylan nods, looking pretty put out. Inej isn’t sure what he’s been drinking, but if the blue stains on his shirt are anything to go by, it’s a weird mix of something probably designed to get you drunk fast.

The bar is fairly close to the boulder where they were sitting, so it only takes a few moments to get there. Inej lets go of Wylan’s hand, making him promise to wait where he is for a minute, before clambering up the rock one handed so she can pass the glass of water to Kaz.

Only, when she reaches the top of the boulder, Kaz isn’t there.

“For fuck’s sake,” Inej mutters, looking around to see if she can spot him, but finding nothing. She carefully balances his glass of water on top for if he returns before dropping back to the ground beside Wylan.

“Kaz isn’t coming?” Wylan asks, sounding unreasonably upset by the news.

“He’s not there,” Inej explains, grabbing Wylan’s sticky hand so he doesn’t wander off.

“Oh. Can we find Jes now?”

“Sure,” Inej says gently, pushing her way through the crowd so they can head towards the stage. “‘Don’t get lost’, you said,” she mutters as they go. “What a load of horseshit.”

{o0o}

When Kaz spots Jesper clambering onto the stage, he slides off the boulder and heads towards the stage in record time. Sure, he had agreed to help when Jesper had told him about his plans, but he never thought he’d go through with them drunk.

Only a special kind of idiot does that, and Kaz had been stupid to think Jesper didn’t qualify.

A few elbow jabs and well-placed ankle whacks later, Kaz makes it to the stage. Jesper is up there, whispering something to the guy on the drums, who starts to smile and nods enthusiastically.

Kaz climbs onto the platform, grabbing Jesper’s arm and yanking him back down. “What the fuck are you doing?”

Jesper blinks at him slowly, like he’s trying to comprehend Kaz’s question. “STEP TWO!” he exclaims, grinning.

Kaz briefly considers kicking Jesper in the privates, but refrains, satisfied with just the mental picture. “What?”

“Kaz!” a woman’s voice yells from the crowd, and he turns around to see Inej leading a very drunk Wylan behind her. “Where’d you go?”

Before he can get out a response, the song finishes and the lead singer steps up to the microphone, tapping it a few times to get everyone’s attention.

“Hey everyone! Thank y’all so much for coming out here to show your support, it means a lot to us! Now, before we go onto the next song, we have a very special announcement to make…”

The crowd lets out a collective ‘ooh’, everyone’s eyes on the stage.

“Is there a Wylan in the audience with us today? Come on up here, we want to meet you!”

Kaz watches as Wylan hesitates at Inej’s elbow, hovering for a moment before making his way up to the stage. He’s too drunk to climb up by himself, but the singer just seems to find his clumsiness endearing, and gives him a hand to help him up.

Inej comes around the side of the stage to stand with Kaz. “What’s going on?”

Kaz shrugs. “I would like to officially state that I didn’t know Jesper was going to do it this dramatically.”

“Okay everyone, here’s Wylan! Now, Wylan, your lovely boyfriend over here - Jesper, he’s called - he wants to ask you a question up on stage, if that’s alright.”

A heavy silence hangs over everyone in the crowd as Jesper steps up to the microphone, seeming more sober than he has all night. He swallows nervously, fidgeting with something behind his back.

“Wylan… I know we haven’t known each other very long,” he begins, his voice unsteady. “But I love you much very and I think you are really cute.”

Wylan blushes, apparently not noticing the fact that Jesper is barely speaking English.

“I just wanted to tell you that you’re the best, and…” Jesper pauses for dramatic effect, waiting a few seconds before dropping to one knee and holding a ring out in front of him. “D’ya want to be the best with me forever?”

Wylan is far beyond words - Kaz is pretty sure he’s crying - but he launches himself at Jesper and they both topple to the ground in a laughing, crying heap.

“Is that a yes?” the singer says, stepping up to the mic. “I think it is! Congratulations, guys!”

The crowd explodes into cheers, everyone now personally invested in Jesper and Wylan’s relationship. The two of them still haven’t managed to successfully pick themselves up off the floor, their arms wrapped around each other as they kiss.

“We’re taking them home,” Inej decides, grinning widely, and Kaz isn’t about to complain. They’re both absolutely pissed, and he isn’t about to spend hours scouring a field tomorrow when they inevitably lose the ring. “And then we’re gonna cuddle on their couch and watch a movie.”

“The deal is the deal,” Kaz says, both of them grinning as they remember the night they met. “Let’s get these two idiots home.”

{o0o}

Jesper wakes up many hours later to a bursting bladder and his head feeling like it is about to explode. He sits up, gently disentangling a drooling Wylan from his side, when he spots the ring on his boyfriend’s hand and he stills.

“What. The. Fuck,” he whispers to himself.

Instinct has him reaching to his forehead, and sure enough, Kaz has been kind enough to leave a note taped to him. On it is printed a single word: Congratulations.

Jesper smiles. Maybe proposing while drunk was a stupid thing to do, but his life is made up of a million stupid things, and he wouldn’t trade a single one of them for the world.

[bandaged-writer]

can u do jouno, yosano, and nikolai hcs with an adorable, sweet s/o who is really horny and gets flustered easily but is really shy about asking for it (Like the other rq you wrote)? I saw those hcs you wrote when browsing the tag and they were really cute and your writing is so good 🥺🥺

Thank you so much, nonnie <3 Tbh, I breathed for writing Jouno and Nikolai’s hcs, so if you have a request including the two, pls drop it!

Warnings: nsfw-ish/suggestive themes, dirty talk

Jouno Saigiku

➤ You can’t hide shit from Jouno. That man’s got heavily enhanced senses of hearing and smell, so he’ll know you’re horny just by the faster beating of your heart or the smell of wetness between your legs.

➤ Jouno is a very composed man unless Tecchou tests his patience and goes on about the day like nothing’s out of the ordinary. He knows you’re more of a shy kind of person and struggle to ask him for things that include the two of you sleeping together, so Jouno waits for your horniness to reach its peak until you can’t help but spit it out.

➤ “Now, was it so hard to admit that you want me?”

➤ Takes some kind of entertainment of you being about to ask him to rail you, but you stumble over your words, blush and tell him to forget that this situation had ever happened. Usually, he’d lose his temper and tell the person to hurry the hell up, but you’re a different story. He keeps you very close to his heart and is somehow much more patient with you; especially because he wants to get you out of your shell.

➤ Jouno will approach you about it if you manage to keep your mouth shut about it and you join him in bed more hesitantly and with your heart basically pounding within your ribcage. You acted like this was the first time the two of you shared a bed, although it clearly wasn’t and Jouno prefers your heart beating in a calm manner when joining him and not in a nearly erratic state.

➤ “So, when were you going to tell me that you’ve been soaking all day?” He’s pretty blunt about it, absolutely no shame whatsoever. You gotta live with it.

➤ “Hah?! T-this must be your i-imagination!” You’d search for excuses and shamefully sink into the blankets until they’d reach the apple of your cheeks. You knew that hiding the fact that you want Jouno in more ways than one was useless, so why the hell did you think you’d be getting out of this smoothly?

➤ “Your heart rate just jumped considerably, [Name]. You’re so easy to read, it’s actually cute.” Jouno would tilt your head upwards and stroke his thumb along your jawline and down your neck to feel your pulse thumping against his skin in anticipation. 

➤ It’d seem like he’s leaning in for a kiss but ends up kissing the corner of your lips, knowing that it’ll cause you to kiss him properly. Jouno knows how to play you and make your patience snap, no matter how shy you are.

➤ Really enjoys the beating of your calming heart once he’s done with you and you’re close to falling asleep on him.

Yosano Akiko

➤ Luckily for you, Yosano isn’t a whole ass Jouno and you’ll be able to brush it off and she’ll believe you. After all, you’re a more reserved person and she trusts you enough to come to her if something is bothering you.

➤ Yosano will notice your typical “I’m horny but can’t confess it” signs when you’re a little bit more jumpy whenever her knee would touch yours or when she’d place her hand on your thigh. Ultimately, it’s your shivering, bitten lips and the heavy blush that is a dead giveaway.

➤ The second biggest tease about her discovery. Her touch would linger a little longer than appropriate and when no one was within hearing range, she’d whisper dirty nothing in your ear and bask in your reaction. Yosano absolutely loves seeing you flustered, especially when it’s at work and not at home where such a thing would be more appropriate.

➤ “[Name], I think we can cut the ice-cream for today. I’d rather have you melt on my tongue once we get home.”

➤ You’d jump in your seat, face red and mouth agape like a fish on land. You couldn’t quite believe your ears and how your body reacted to her words so easily. It was actually a bit unfair how Yosano had you so strung up by saying a couple of words while you couldn’t say such things; it was simply embarrassing.

➤ That would continue for quite some time and you were excited about going home for very obvious reasons, but it turns out that you wouldn’t have to wait that long. Tanizaki asked you to bring some documents to Yosano and of course, you didn’t decline his request.

➤ As soon as you step foot into the infirmary, Yosano locks the door and pushes you up against its hard surface, scolding you for being such a tease yourself. “It’s a shame that I’ll have to ruin your cute facade right here, but you have to stay quiet for me, alright?”

➤ You have a hard time explaining to your colleagues why your hair is a mess and why your legs are basically jello.

Nikolai Gogol

➤ He’s the biggest tease out of the three. Nikolai’s very observant and as soon as he realizes that what you want is him, you’re in for quite the show. Literally.

➤ At first it’s all cute and games. He squishes your red cheeks together and cutely coos at you. “[Name], you’re the cutest for wanting me, you know? Especially when you’re all blushy and shy about it!” 

➤ Nikolai gets straight to business and doesn’t wait for you to voice out your want or teases you with words like Yosano. He immediately leads you into the bedroom and makes you stand in front of the mirror, ordering you to watch closely as his next trick includes you as his “assistant”. You want to question him what he’s about to do, but a magician doesn’t tell anyone anything about their tricks. 

➤ “Today’s big question is: Where is [Name]  the most sensitive today!” 

➤ “Nikolai, what the hell-”

➤ “Hush or you’ll ruin the magic and I’ll have to punish you.”

➤ Super touchy and gropes you everywhere. Nikolai knows your weak spots and will find the one that draws the loudest reaction out of you. His mouth is on your neck, sucking color into the skin and nibbling but then goes “Hm, looks like this might not be it” when it’s only a whimper slipping your lips.

➤ Continues by gradually undressing you in front of the mirror, fondling your breasts, squeezing your waist and letting his fingers graze the skin of your thighs. He lives for chasing you to the edge until you plead for Nikolai to stop fucking around and properly touch you.

➤ Has the time of his life teasing you and watching you drip down your thighs. Not only does he get to see you naked, but he can also practice his speech skills for his next magic trick. 

➤ Bonus because he knows that you get fed up with his constant teasing at some point and boldly tell him to just fuck you into the next week. It’s a stark contrast to your usual shyness and Nikolai adores whenever the bolder you makes an appearance. It honestly excites him.

➤ Whenever you’re too shy to ask for it, Nikolai can fluster you in two ways. It’s either the dumb or hot way and there’s no in-between.

➤ “If you’re not gonna tell me what you want, I can think of a few ways to make you talk and put your mouth to better use.”

➤ “Wanna see how I can make my dick disappear inside you?”

[yespolkadotkitty]

Catfish for Dinner

A dark!Catfish piece inspired by @pajamasecrets​ ‘ HCs here (and thank you for the beta!!). This will be a series of one-shots like my Hummingbird and Nightingale ‘verses.

My Asian OC has been tasked with infiltrating a dangerous weapons cartel undercover.

Warnings: Violence, insinuations of violence, and insinuations of rape.

Catfish for dinner, the note read. I stuffed it in my mouth, chewed, and swallowed without tasting. If anyone were to discover that Maria the cook had been passing messages to me…. my stomach whirled at the thought of what might happen to her.

What the note meant, I had no clue. I only had to stay alive until I found out.

Later that day, the buzz of a small plane interrupted a make-out session I was enduring with one of Cerrino’s lackeys. I didn’t dare look up; I continued moaning as if his mouth was a gift from God (it wasn’t).

The pilot of the little Cessna 172 appeared at dinner. The staff served their usual smorgasbord of mediterranean fish, steak, and vine leaves, with copious amounts of wine.

Cerrino stood and gestured widely. “Ah, at last, our new pilot,” he announced. “May he live longer than Nikolai.”

I swallowed, the wine like dust in my mouth, as I recalled the end Nikolai had met. Unsavoury was a severe understatement.

The stranger stood on the steps leading up to the big table, silent. A ballcap that read standard oil company was tugged low on his head, hiding his eyes. I got the impression of a strong jaw, scruffy at the edges, and broad shoulders. He wore a faded red button down and dirty jeans atop aged hiking boots.

“Meet Catfish,” Cerrino drawled, toasting with his glass. A little wine sloshed down out of the glass and on to one of the cartel lackey’s heads. He did not react; he knew better. “Before you sit at my table, I need to know you are loyal.”

Without preamble, he pulled a Glock 19 from his waistband and tossed it to Catfish. The tanned man caught it and checked the cartridge.

Cerrino yanked up the lackey he’d spilled wine on by the collar. The man’s dyed blond hair was streaked with red from the alcohol, a twisted sort of foreboding. “Kill him.”

The lackey started trembling.

My gaze was riveted on Catfish. He lifted his head and I caught his gaze for a fraction of a second - big soulful brown eyes that looked very, very tired.

He pulled the trigger. His hand didn’t shake. Not once.

A couple of lackeys came to clean up what was left of their colleague. Cerrino sat back down and stuffed a vine leaf in his mouth like he wasn’t covered in blood spatter.

Catfish had made a clean kill - a single headshot. But my stomach still rebelled. I covered it by taking a tiny sip of wine, holding the liquid in my mouth, and trying not to vomit.

“Come, sit.” Cerrino gestured to the space between me and another girl, also Chinese, her inky black hair pulled into a high ponytail. Cerrino and his fellow arms dealers seemed to have a thing for Asian girls. Not that I could complain. It was the reason I’d been able to infiltrate them, wasn’t it?

Catfish slid the pistol into the back of his waistband and moved over to our side of the table on silent feet, despite his rangy, muscular form. He wasn’t big, but lean and lithe. Dark hair curled out from under his ballcap. As he pulled out a chair and sat, I glimpsed a smattering of grey in the patchy scruff clinging to his jawline. His scent reached me, motor oil and clean sweat and just a kiss of thyme. A combination that could quickly become addictive, if a girl wasn’t careful.

One of the staff moved to pour him wine. He didn’t react.

I clenched my free hand on my thigh, nervous. Was this who Maria’s note had meant, and if so, was he going to say something?

“The house is yours,” Cerrino said across the table through a mouthful of oily fish. A little grease ran down his chin; he didn’t bother to swipe it away. “As are the girls. Any you like; I am generous to those who... remain loyal to me.”

The unspoken subtext in his words were crystal clear.

Catfish sipped his wine. His gaze darted to me and then to Abigail, the girl on his other side. She smiled at him nervously. Newer than me, she’d cried the day before yesterday and narrowly escaped a beating for it.

Abigail - not her real name, I suspected - met my gaze behind Catfish’s back, and shook her head minutely. She’d been a virgin when she’d arrived here-- I knew.

I hadn’t even breathed a syllable about my real intentions here to anyone. Even Maria, on agency payroll, wasn’t a hundred percent sure who I was-- only that I was important and that she was to feed me whatever information came her way.

Resolutely, I winked at Abigail. I would make advances on the man between us to save her from having to bed him. I let my gaze rake over him. Tall, rangy. Mid forties, perhaps? Those big dark eyes would be nice to look into while I pretended to enjoy myself. Over the last six months I’d become very good at pretending. 

If I didn’t get out soon, the line between pretense and reality would blur even further.

Abigail’s face deflated in relief and she went back to picking at her food.

“What’s the matter?” Cerrino asked, his wine glass full again. “Those two not to your liking?”

I looked up and around the room. I had become used to this debauchery at dinner. Several of Cerrino’s inner circle had girls on their laps who fed them tidbits of food. Sometimes they fed  us girls, either with their hands or directly from their mouths. That was my least favourite.

Cerrino’s right hand man, Addison, sat to his left, his tongue so far down a girl’s throat that he could easily have been examining her tonsils. I hated kissing Addison.

I’d been surprised an hour earlier when Abigail and I had been seated together, no man between us. Now I knew why.

Catfish set his wine down and drummed his finger on the table. If I was reading him right, he had no wish to dally with either of us, but I knew Cerrino when he was drunk. He liked everyone under the cartel’s influence to fall in with him; share his vices, be equally complicit.

“Kiss me,” I hissed.

Catfish’s dark brow winged up.

“Not Abigail,” I murmured, smiling through it as I leaned into him. “Me. Abigail is scared.”

If he understood what I meant, he didn’t show it. Instead, he gave me an almost imperceptible nod, and then pushed his chair back and tugged me on to his lap. I perched on his thigh as his arm came tight around my waist and he lifted his face for a kiss. I couldn’t read the emotion in his bottomless brown eyes--if indeed any emotion was present--but I’d rather it was me than Abigail, so I lowered my head and met his mouth.

He kissed me hard, licking into my mouth right away. He tasted of red wine and just a shiver of mint, and the scruff on his top lip tickled my skin. At any moment, I expected his free hand to come up and grope me, somewhere, anywhere, but he only kissed me, nipping my bottom lip as he ended the contact.

Cerrino had sat down to eat again, apparently satisfied. I knew what would happen now. I would have to go to this man’s room tonight. I would be at his mercy. 

Dinner continued. Catfish held me on his lap, saying nothing, and I wondered if I would ever hear his voice. I kept replaying the moment he’d shot the lackey in my mind, like taking a life was nothing to him. If that was so, he truly belonged among these terrifying men.

I tried to eat. Catfish didn’t comment as I forced down a few bites of vine leaves and fish. The food was delicious as usual, spiced and savoury, and I gulped water. For his part, Catfish seemed to listen to the conversations between the men and Cerrino. His face seemed relaxed, but I could feel the tension coiled in his long, lean body as he sat beneath me.

I peeked over his shoulder. The Glock sat there, just a few inches from my arm around his neck. 

Abigail saw the path of my gaze and shook her head minutely.

I could do it, though. I knew I could.

I just needed a distraction. Was I planning on shooting anyone right now? No. Of course not. But a gun, stashed somewhere in my tiny little room, that’d be something worth having. Even if it had only that one bullet in it. I could surely steal the correct ammunition from somewhere in this Godforsaken pleasure pit.

Humming as if I was having a grand time, I trailed my hand up Catfish’s chest, toying with the open neck of his button-down shirt. He didn’t outwardly react, but I saw a muscle in his cheek tic. I’ve got you, I thought, my fingers slipping over the hollow in his throat, as the palm of my other hand slowly descended down his back.

“Dancing with the devil, honey?” he asked, and the endearment was not said as such.

In that moment I realised two things: one - his face might be nice, but his voice, that husky-edged, kiss of Texas drawl, was made for absolute sin - and two, Catfish was a guy I wouldn’t be able to win over as easily as most of the one-brain-cell lackeys here.

“Just getting a taste of what’s to come tonight,” I lied, sweetly.

Catfish snorted. I noticed he’d barely touched his wine. Either he, like me, was here on false pretences, or, even more dangerously, he was one of them, but without the usual vices of women or alcohol to dull the edge of his more unsavoury appetites.

Which one it was, I would find out soon enough.

******

 Part 2: Off the Deep End

Tagging: @emmy-dandiliom918​ @spacegayofficial​ @thirstworldproblemss @cinewhore @poenariuniverse​ @keeper0fthestars​ @scarlettvonsass​ @casually-introverted​ @knittingqueen13​ @phoenixhalliwell​ @10-96dispatcher @buckstaposition​ @agirllovespasta​ @songsformonkeys​  kiizhikehn-cedar

[echo-three-one]

Chapter 37

Carry On My Wayward Son

The NINE Engines

"Alex"

Site Hotel Bravo - Lab

Kicking the door open, Alex quickly dashed through the squeaky halls while Jack held on to his shoulder for support. The alarms echoed through the facility and everyone else was gone. Whoever was compromised among his teammates must be in a pinch right now, and the best thing the duo could do is plant the charges.

Alex paced through the halls and checked every corner, Jack continued guarding his six and they checked each room for intel. Luckily, they stumbled upon a framed layout of the building.

"Thank Goodness, a goddamn map." Jack sighed and looked at the thing, starting at the huge red star that said "You are Here"

"Any idea where the engine room is?" Alex turned to him, while leaning by the door, his body angled to peek at the hallway.

"Well for starters, this is an engine room." He turned and squinted his eyes in disbelief.

"But it's empty." Alex pondered.

"Shit. They already loaded this one." He continued.

"There are 9 other engine rooms out here. And with 10 engines on a single rocket, this thing was meant to go far." he explained and ran back to Alex.

"The next one's just on the other side of this corridor." He muttered and they immediately kicked open the second engine room.

"Empty. Eight more. Let's get a move on." Alex sighed as they continued kicking more doors and discovering more rooms. It looked like they were all empty.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking Alex?" Jack asked as they slowly creeped on the stairs down to the lower floor of the facility.

"If you're thinking about Samantha right now, then yes. But I hope you're not because that would be weird." he retorted as the ground shook violently. The two of them felt the heat emanating from the area below them and it didn't bode well for the duo.

"Focus, kid. Now do you see where I'm getting at?" He replied, proving his point. Alex slowly nodded and stepped further down the stairs.

"How can we attach an explosive charge on a whole rocket?"  Alex asked the million dollar question and was greeted with complete silence, other than the sound of their footsteps descending the stairs.

"If only we still have one engine… It could be enough to start a chain reaction of explosives." Jack hummed at the last step. The underground floor was where the rumbling was coming from. From the looks of it, the rocket was about to launch.

The launch grounds were already deserted and Shepherds Research team were already in a sheltered bunker somewhere far away from here. 

"Fuck. How did Shepherd afford this bullshit off radar?" Jack cursed and looked at the towering rocket as it slowly hummed to life.

"There!" Jack pointed at the doors on the other side of the launch room. 

"I trust you could stop those bastards from pushing that button." He nodded. Alex wanted to reason with him and stop his heroic act, because he was living proof that it won't end well for him, but the urgency of the matter at hand made him press on with his orders. It was the only shot they could do it.

"I'll see you on the far side." Alex muttered and Jack nodded, as he assured him that they both will make it out of this one.

Alex thought Jack's task was the hard one, it turns out that his 'stop the launch' mission was harder than he'd expected.

He peeked his head behind the glass of the launch room, as he surveyed three researchers who looked eager for the launch and the three big guys they once met back at the ship. Apparently, they survived the sinking ship part and here they are now.

He could go guns blazing, but the reinforced glass begged to differ. Standard bullets won't penetrate through these kinds of glass even at point blank range.

"Seriously, why do the bad guys always get the good stuff?" He complained, tilting his head to the guards.

The researchers looked unarmed while the big guys wielded AK-47s, which slung across their backs. The smiles on the researcher's faces lit, and that didn't mean well for Alex and his team. He needed to act fast and halt the launch. But he doesn't know how.

They were already mouthing the countdown when Alex knocked on the door and immediately hid. He never expected someone to open the door but he was glad someone did.

A huge blast shattered the room, sending enemies unconscious on the floor, struggling to get up. Alex's eyes focused and looked for the red button but it looked like he was a second to late. The ground shook as smoke billowed from the rocket, covering the whole area with smoke.

Alex knew he had to stay low for oxygen and he did, pressing the button for their comms he tried to alert Jack about the situation.

"Jack! I was too late! We need to get out of this place now! Jack?!" He roared as the loud rumbling noise of the launching rocket filled his ears making him temporarily deaf to any other noise.

He couldn't see the rocket rise up to the sky but he could sense it using the sound of the engine. It was getting away without the bang they were expecting.

"Jack?"

"Run kid! Away from that place!" Jack warned, panting as he did it. Alex quickly got up to his foot and swung his hand, clearing away the smoke as he dashed to the exit.

Halfway through the dark tunnel from which they entered, Alex heard a mighty booming noise, assuming it was the rocket that exploded to pieces. But he had no time to celebrate as the cave started to crumble and collapse just above him.

His elbows and arms sensed the pain of the rocks poking through his shirt as he crawled. 

"Shit." He muttered as he felt the rocks fall from where he came from and his foot felt the heat of the now enclosed area.

"I got ya." Jack caught his hand and pulled him up but his metal leg was already stuck between the rocks, making it hard for him to escape.

"I can't pull you anymore!" Jack yelled and Alex let go of him, as he quickly removed the lock of his metal leg, as Jack pulled him free of the collapsing tunnel.

The two panted heavily and Jack supported Alex as they made their way to the other side of the base and met up with the rest of the squad. They didn't need to tell them how their task ended as it was already evident based on the falling rocket debris from the sky.

Extraction was the hardest part of the trip. With Alex losing his metal leg, he wasn't able to help the heavily injured Ghost and Roach and the weakening Alexandra. He frowned at the view as he sat there by the plane, looking at the pained expression from his comrades. Shepherd was also with them, all tied up and his face was expressionless. Alex's blood boiled at the sight of him, making him want to beat him up for another round, but he knew it wasn't necessary as the man would not cooperate. The former general's defeat was too fresh and he still had little pride to keep information from the team.

With Roach continuously bleeding, Nikolai decided to stop by a small town he once belonged in, the team settled on a small hospital which housed troops whom Nikolai deemed were his allies.

From there, they helped patch up Roach and tried to add more blood in him as he lost a lot. Luckily, he was able to hang on and is now resting.

"Rough day, huh." Soap sighed, sitting beside Alex and crossing his arms as they rested in the Hospital's waiting room. 

"Yeah. I already missed my leg." Alex commented, tapping whatever's left on his thigh, chuckling at how it looked.

"Well, your leg could be replaced, you know. I know a guy. Actually, I'm not supposed to tell this to you yet, but… Samantha kinda asked me for help. Not me technically, but you get the idea." Soap rambled and all Alex did was look at him quizzically.

"Listen. She - OW!" Soap winced in pain as France teasingly pulled his ear.

"I knew you couldn't keep a secret. Okay Alex, what did he spill?" France looked at Alex seriously, and smiled as soon as she realized Alex doesn't know anything.

"You're lucky he didn't catch up on your babbling." France rubbed Soap's hair and smiled, leaving as soon as Price once again asked for her help.

"Hmm.. Seems like she had you on her ropes." Alex teased.

"On the outside." Soap added confidently. Alex didn't bother decoding what that meant, but he was glad they found each other in a situation like this.

"Hey Soap."

"Aye?"

"Do you have international minutes?" 

He nodded and fished his phone from his pocket and handed it to Alex. And after thanking the man, he quickly typed the numbers he memorized and dialed Samantha.

"Hello?" Her voice filled his mind almost automatically. He was indeed smitten by this woman as he smiled goofily on the phone.

"God, I miss that voice so much." Alex exhaled.

"Alex. I miss you too. How are you? Is everyone safe? Are you hurt?" her questions flooded Alex's ears.

"I'm fine Samantha. We had a few injured people but we're fine. We got General Shepherd."

"Oh thank goodness! That's one step closer to ending this war." She excitedly said over the phone.

"I wish I could hug you right now." Alex said out of the blue.

"Yeah. Me too. I'm with John's Mom downtown. We're helping her up with her shopping." she said and he could feel her snickering on the other side.

"Looks like fun!" 

"Yeah. I'm seeing a lot of places here, and all I ever imagined is walking around the place with my arms wrapped on yours." Alex couldn't help but blush at her words.

"I love you." He muttered.

"I love you too. I gotta go, duty calls." She chuckled and hung up the phone, leaving Alex in a dreamy state. 

He fished a small box from his bag and opened it, showcasing a beautiful ring that he'd been keeping for quite a while now.

"When this war is over…" he muttered, looking at Soap who he forgot was beside him all along. But the guy was already peacefully asleep, so he kept his phone with him for a while so as to not disturb the resting soldier.

Next Chapter : The EIGHT-Thirty Appointment

Notification Squad my Beloved

@ricinbach @smokeywhalee @samatedeansbroccoli @enderio @whimsywispsblog @bumblingbee1

[0itmelex0]

galen and nikolai + 60 for the fluff prompts?

just a warning, this'll include what i consider major spoilers for the future of galen but let's be honest... most'll probably forget once the show gets to this point so it'll be fine. just letting people who have no clue what's in store know aka literally everybody except clary

aLSO there is some ✨angst✨ ahead... like more than i anticipated before writing. honestly there is no fluff to this now that i think about it.

60. taking care of them when they're ill/injured

"You're some how more of a nuisance when you're not yelling at me," Zoya huffed. She leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes.

Galen rolled over and looked at her, "Would you prefer if I did?" His voice was raspy with his vocal cords nearly destroyed. He tore more at his vocal cords in the last few days than he ever did over the course of life.

She opened an eye, her rich black lashes outlining it beautifully. Galen looked ghostly and sweat covered him. Never did she think a Grisha-- a Healer Grisha could look so sick, "No. I rather you be more of a nuisance than cause me another headache. You need to eat, Galen. It's almost been a week and it seems like starving to death would be a pretty shitty way for a Healer Grisha to die."

"Already told you, I don't feel hungry," he turned his back to her and rested his forehead against the wall. "My body only wants one thing and doesn't care about anything else. I'm surprised I'm able to keep water down."

"I'll be coming back with food and if you don't eat it, I'll force it down your gullet for you." The chair fell over as she stood. Galen could feel the intensity with each step she took towards the door. "Maybe you should have thought twice before willingly taking that drug."

Yes, of course I only thought briefly before taking a drug that's drains me as a back up plan to save the one person who could make an antidote. An antidote that could save all other Grisha affected by it. Totally didn't think about it for days on end. He groaned and softly hit his head in a mundane rhythm against the wall after the door slammed shut.

The burnt, sweet taste of the parem was all he wanted. He wanted the rush and heightened senses again. The itchiness and the feeling of disgust in his own skin didn't matter. That delicious taste would be worth it all. He could die from the withdrawals, or he could die from taking more. Either way, I'd be suffering. Why couldn't Kuwei have more? Why didn't Galen save at least a little of what he had gotten from that runaway? This exact moment is why.

Galen went to yell as the door creaked open, "Already told you, Zoya, I'm not hungry! Fuck off!" It only came out as a gravely whisper. He winced with his vocal cords screaming back at him in pain.

"Pretty rude greeting to not only your captain, but to somebody you haven't talked to in almost a week."

With a brief look behind his shoulder, he saw the fox-faced privateer with a small tray in his hands. Galen continued to lightly hit his head against the wall, "You come to berate me too? Just waited until I wasn't acting like a delirious fool, hm? Bring it, heard it all from Zoya."

"Zoya deserved a break and what kind of captain would I be if I didn't take care of my sick crew?" Sturmhond sat the tray down next to Galen's hammock before picking up the knocked over chair.

"A smart one," Galen muttered. "Especially when that sick crew could crush your heart like a grape if they were feeling extra moody."

"Galen," his voice softened. He took a seat right next to the hammock.

"What?" the voice was sharp despite the gravely texture to it.

"Why did you do it?"

Galen roughly turned to face Sturmhond, "Because I was an idiot who wanted a taste of being more powerful. Is that what everybody wants to hear, huh? Is that's what everybody believes?" Even clenching his jaw still hurt. "I just wanted to make sure there was a back up plan just in case getting rid of the poison didn't save Kuwei. He's the only one who has the potential of making an antidote for other Grisha who are suffering."

Sturmhond couldn't look away. Galen's eyes were sunken. Those ocean eyes were a dull and stormy sky. His curly mess of hair stuck to his forehead like a second skin. From what could be seen, his entire body was covered in scratch marks with a few running down his cheeks. Dried blood had gathered under his nails, "Well, then you're the most selfless idiot I know, Galen."

He picked up the tray, "Brought you some stew. Hopefully you can at least keep the broth down. But hey, I'm not competing for the best looking for the time being." He tried to force a smile on his lips.

"I said I'm not hungry, Your Highness. Give the food to somebody who needs it."

"You need it," Sturmhond's voice stiffened. "Now eat before I bring Zoya back to shove it down your throat. . . please."

"Fine," Galen's bones ached as he attempted to sit up.

"I got you," he scooched forward and with the stew in one gloved hands, he cradled the back of Galen's head with the other.

Galen's upper body felt as if it was on fire yet the feeling of Sturmhond's gloved hand holding up the back of his head was the only comforting part. Sickness rushed over him as soon as the broth that tasted of fish touched his dry tongue. He grabbed ahold of the hem of Sturmhond's coat and balled up his fist. Don't throw up. Don't throw up. The broth managed its way down his throat. He broke into a fit of coughs. His ribs ached more.

"You're okay, it's okay," Sturmhond pulled away the bowl and massaged small circles at the base of Galen's neck. "Can you drink anymore?"

"I haven't thrown it back up, so yeah." His grip tightened on Sturmhond's coat as he forced himself to let the broth fill up his empty stomach.

"Don't think you'll be able to handle more than the broth," Sturmhond admitted before gently laying Galen's head back down on the pillow. His fingers lingered as he brushed away the sweat-soaked curls off of Galen's forehead.

"Will you actually say what you're thinking?" Galen scoffed and pulled away. "Zoya's the only one who's been blunt with me since we left Ketterdam. Can't believe I'm saying this, but I rather have her around."

"You really want to know what I'm thinking, Gal?" He tilted his head and swallowed hard. "Do you really?"

"Just be blunt with me, Nik. I know you're thinking I'm the dumbest man alive, everybody does. They've just been too cowardly to come say it to my face like Zoya has. Everybody has been too scared. They've been too scared while I've wanted to do nothing more than claw my way out of this body. Not sure if it's because I want to find more parem or because I want the pain to just go away."

Sturmhond's voice was barely audible, "Yeah. . . I have been scared, Galen. I've been petrified, but not because I can't say that you're dumb to your face. I don't think you're dumb at all." His bottom lip trembled as he held back the tears with all his willpower. "I've been petrified because I wasn't sure if I'd be able to handle seeing you like this. I don't know what I was expecting, but. . . I didn't realize it'd be this bad."

"Saints, just leave then! You can ignore it like you have been! Next time you see me, I'll either be a corpse or have beat it! Either way, you won't have to deal with this." Galen's voice continued to raise despite it clawing at his vocal cords.

"I don't want to leave you, Galen."

"Then what do you want to do?" He slammed his hands down and ignored the sharp ache that stabbed at his shoulders.

"I want to kiss you! I want to be able to take away the pain. . . even just for a second." He exhaled shakily. Sturmhond sniffled and roughly wiped away the tear that ran down his cheek. "I'd kiss every inch of you if that could take it away. You shouldn't be suffering for your selflessness. You of all people don't deserve it."

Galen's stormy eyes glazed over, "You don't need to lie to make me feel bet--"

Sturmhond held Galen's face in his gloved hands. An exhale of defeat left him before leaning down and pressing his lips gently against Galen's. He reluctantly pulled away a few inches. The softness that washed over those eyes. . . no sense of that constant pain just for a fraction of a second.

"What are you doing, Nikolai?" Galen's raspy voice cracked. "Don't act like a fool."

His lips grazed Galen's to give him a chance to pull away. . . to help stop him from acting like a fool. No more protest came from Galen, "I started acting like one a long time ago." Sturmhond kissed him again with all the passion he could give.

The rush. The heightened senses. It all came back. Sturmhond's--Nikolai's--lips were a burning sweet. At least that what it felt like they'd taste like. Just for a brief moment, the pain didn't rattle his bones as he cupped the nape of Nikolai's neck. It was just as addicting as the parem. When the pain returned in full force, Galen didn't pull away to stop the ache. Instead, he welcomed the ache with open arms, no matter how much he wanted to scream or cry. Galen needed to be stronger than it. He needed to be stronger than the parem, if not for himself,

Then for Nikolai.

okay this gif i made of them is DESTORYING ME!