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aleatoryalarmalligator · 7 years ago

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Life Story Part 74

I found it harder and harder to focus on reading like I had in the past after my attacks. I would just stare at the page, or sometimes have trouble identifying with the dialogue in the story. I don't know if I picked up some overrated literature or if something in me was just different. I felt quite dead inside. I closed in on myself even harder. I rarely left my cold, dimly lit bedroom. There were certain thoughts I monitored myself not to have. I didn't go outside at all anymore unless it was very dark out. Allison and David would hang out with me, we would walk down to the pop machines and buy cans of soda if we could afford it. I spent more time hashing out my manga story. I still tried to make art when I could. I wrote Sarah often. But a good deal of my life at this was hiding. I felt broken, and I didn't even want to identify with anything that would wind up hurting me more.

I remember it being a fairly cold winter that year. I attempted to sleep as much as I possibly could. Nothing seemed worth being awake for anymore. I felt like a total loser – now back in Kendrick as though I had never even left. A part of me was starting to resign myself to the reality that I was never leaving. It was a bitter pill. Sometimes life seemed gray and blurry. I suppose I could have stayed living with Maria, or I could have chosen to stay with my grandma. But I hadn't. I had put on a lot of weight. I've heard people who have always been thin their entire lives, how people let themselves get overweight. Let me say – it's amazingly easy given you have the right DNA and life circumstances. Unless you are naturally hyper and love eating raw cucumbers all day, it can happen to anyone. And when you don't feel like there is anything in life that is meaningful or good and you have lost all hope, but you don't have drugs or money or transportation and suicide is too frightening to actually go through with, food is an outlet. Not that I ate that much – at least not by comparison to how I ate as a teenager. I really didn't need to eat that much anymore to gain weight. My metabolism was shot. I didn't feel good. The skin all over my body became covered in these bumps. I don't know why, though my guess is it had something to do with my endocrine system falling apart. Maybe it was because I was developing lactose intolerance.

Sarah went and saw Tom Waits live. It would be his last tour – for Orphans. She described it as this amazing experience – one of the best things she had ever seen in her entire life. His stage set was like this moving dilapidated carousel. When he stomped his feet billows of dust rose from the ground into the air. I now and forever will be jealous of her for having this opportunity. Tom Waits is my favorite. I didn't love him as much then as I do now, but I can listen to Tom Waits for days on end and it never gets old.

I often times would write to this website that may or may not exist still, called Elderlywisdomcircle. Basically, it's a bunch of volunteer elderly who try to give you advice about life problems for free. You just write a letter to them, and someone will get back to you within a few weeks. I would often write to them about how my father was preventing me from leaving by not helping me get a Social security card, about Roxanne and her drug use and her marriage to Jeremy, how depressed and isolated I was, how I was afraid to feel things because if I let myself feel things I would go insane and lose what little grounds I had in the world, about my brother. I don't know what I expected to find. I guess it was my grounded version of prayer. It was something to look forward to I guess, as I thought that maybe someone might have the answers to the issues I was facing. Out of all the letters I received back from my issues however, I essentially got little conclusive response, and only one of them seemed really legitimate. They always told me that I wrote well. They would basically tell me to seek help – though they also had to contest that I didn't live in a state or an area that was really generous about giving out help. A few of them were very religious and they told me that I needed to pray more. One cantankerous responder told me that I was essentially to blame about every bad thing that had ever happened to me, and I needed to take control over my life. The nuance in their professional opinion was that I was a bit on the pathetic side. They would always link me up with a suicide hotline.

David was in Hastings one day in the book section. David was beginning to read a lot independently, and I had shown him the places in Hastings that sold the classics and how to search the novels. As he was examining the selection, a stranger walked up to him, a man with a familiar voice. He had a gruff New York accent. He congratulated David for being a reader, that there weren't too many kids in these modern times who read anymore and it was very refreshing to see a young man such as himself choosing to do so. David nodded politely. Later on, David put a face and name to the guy. He was Michael Savage, the conservative nationalist political commentator that my father sometimes listened to. For whatever reason he had been in Moscow Idaho. Which is funny because David probably adamantly disagrees with just about everything Michael Savage stands for. I certainly think he's repulsive, and even my father doesn't really care for him anymore, mostly being a listener because he enjoyed the aggression and was amused by the extremism. It would have been so much cooler had the person in question been something more than some regressive asshole.

That New Year's eve, my father went out to drink. I knew he planned on getting totally wasted because he spent a lot of time trying to justify going out that year, when I honestly didn't object in the least, as that seemed like a totally natural thing to do. I didn't really look forward to him drinking however. It made me very nervous. Up that point, he mostly seemed to hold back on his drinking around us – though I knew he was still getting drunk other places. I was just starting to comprehend that part of the reason he was starting to say things that made no sense, or get irrationally emotional, or starting to make good food and then mess the food up by means of some obscure decision that made no logical sense was because he was starting to drink every night.

Allison, David and I stayed up of course, probably snacking and watching Fight Club or the Shawshank Redemption for the millionth time. After midnight came and went, David went upstairs to check in for the night. Allison and I were still up when one am rolled around. I was getting a little nervous that maybe my father had been in some kind of accident, as he said he was going to be home before midnight. So Allison and I stayed up watching an anime show that I wasn't really getting into Wolf's Reign or something like that, I believe it was called. It was around one or so that my father suddenly burst through the door belligerent. And he had this very weird guy with him who had this beautiful Husky with him. They were both so drunk they could barely walk and everything they said was a scream, particularly my father who was ranting in a way that made my stomach hurt with anxiety. My father was professing his undying friendship to this guy in his inebriated state, and this other guy who's voice was nothing but an inaudible display of indecipherable gurgles and croaks would say something back and I couldn't understand. They were both raving about something that had happened at the bar. I had never seen my father this drunk in my life, and I was kind of nervous. For one, he was saying some horrible base stuff about women. And though my father I would say was sexist, he had never really went off about women being easy sluts or being defined primarily by their bodies and if/how those bodies benefited the male gaze.

So I was horrified to be listening to him say probably some of the worst stuff I had ever heard him say. He was ranting on how him and this strange drifter that he met at the bar (Jordan was his name) were going to go out and get themselves laid that night in gross vivid detail. Even if one night stands were a person's thing, what he was saying and how he approached it was very lewd and offensive. He even joked about them finding hookers. Jordan more or less just went along with whatever my dad was saying, who kept patting his back. The fact that Allison and I were still awake and very aware of how he was behaving didn't really seem to do much to phase him. If anything, he seemed annoyed that the two of us were awake. Then again, he got mad when he heard that David was asleep.

Eventually, the two of them went down to the bar in Kendrick. It worried me that he had been driving. Honestly, as drunk as my father was, he had a DUI coming. I am really opposed to drunk driving. When I hear someone I know has done it I get almost personally offended. How could you put other people's lives in danger like that? You could literally destroy other people's realities simply because you couldn't make plans ahead of time. It's profoundly selfish to me. I wanted to go to sleep, but my heart was racing out of my chest. Jordan left his lovely Husky at the house. The dog was nice overall, kind of serious and distant. I felt like something bad would happen if we didn't stay up. I was in shock, because just when I thought I couldn't lose any more respect, here I was losing even more. Granted, alcohol brings out the worst and pushes that worst a little farther than you would have ever taken it, but I didn't think my father was this pathetic. And it really struck home with me that I didn't like alcohol. I saw it as being extremely destructive.

Eventually they came back, and they were ranting about how the two of them both deserved to fuck some fat ugly bitches. Allison and I looked at each other, grossed out. My father kept saying 'FAT BITCHES' FAT BITCHES' over and over again. Even though I know his mind was completely disconnecting this statement from his own daughter which was me, I felt personally offended and disgusted by this statement. I was fat, and I guess to some people I knew, I was probably considered a bitch as well. I felt there was something really double-horrible about that statement. The nuance being, fat women are disgusting and easy and something that you fetishize and want to both use for sex and violently humiliate. It was around this time when I just figured that if Jordan stabbed him in the night or either one of them choked on their own vomit then so be it. I tried to distance myself from it all, partially to process what I was hearing. He then decided to take his Nickelback collection out of retirement and start blasting it throughout the house – making it impossible for anyone to sleep. I decided that it was probably for the best if Allison and I went to bed. I was extremely tense about the surreal ugliness and the entirely negative vibes that had spoiled an otherwise mundane night.

The next day, Allison and I just stayed in the bedroom until we both just absolutely had to pee come hell or high water. Nobody was up, and the whole feeling of the house was really dead and gray. It kind of scared me a little bit. Outside was frosty and cold and the typical temperature of ten degrees. We walked around the house timidly and distantly. We found David still in his room, more or less confused. David got up in the night at some point and was completely baffled by a random Husky being in the house. David had been phobic of dogs as a little boy until he was eight or so, and seeing the dog in our house messed with him, causing him to question his own sanity a little bit. It would have been slightly funny had the whole thing not already been so appalling.

I could tell by my father's body language when he did come up that he felt ashamed of himself and was sort of afraid to see us. He tried to play it off like the entire thing hadn't happened. Being coy and distant to anything we had to say pertaining to the night before. Jordan was asleep on our couch till the afternoon and he smelled awful. The Husky had literally chewed a good portion of one of the couches to bits. It was totally destroyed. I hadn't even realized that furniture chewing could get that way. There were pieces of our couch scattered all over the house. I had to laugh a bit. I thought it added a nice touch to the absolute chaotic reality of that night. My father ended up driving Jordan back into Lewiston. He didn't seem very warmed up to Jordan like he had in his drunken moments that night. And we never heard from or saw Jordan or his dog again.

My father seemed to deal with his shame by doubling down on us about how the house was messy. It was just his way of feeling some semblance of control when it was becoming clearer and clearer to us all that he had none. Perhaps he suspected mutiny. I suspect he was onto something, because I was tempted not to at all in protest for having to put up being totally disgusted. But Allison and David felt the need to and sitting out would just be putting that much more work on them so I joined in ultimately. It really smelled in the corner of the couch, and we came to discover just what it was. Jordan had vomited out a ton of McDonald's food on the couch, and rather than clean it up, he had flipped over the couch cushion. It was deep in the void of the couch, but it was also sort of poured out over onto the floor, which he had of course taken one of our pairs of shoes to cover up, getting it on the sneakers. Allison was about to clean it up herself. But I said no. Instead, I told my father about the vomit. He just went 'oh' and walked away. I told him we weren't cleaning it up, which was both directly pertaining to the vomit, but just the situation in general. It was tiring and cowardly that he wanted us to be the ones that did the hard work of making our slowly disintegrating family ties work, and all he had to do was pretend consistently that he had done nothing wrong.

He ended up not cleaning the vomit up that night, or the next or the next. So we just stopped sitting on that couch, and we held our breath whenever we walked past that area. We were all painfully aware it was there, but it felt like nobody was allowed to talk about it. When he thought I wasn't around – six days later, he instructed Allison to clean it up for him. I found out about it, and I coached Allison not to. I could see this sort of frustration with it all, and I think she felt like, if she just cleaned it up then the whole negative experience would go away and she could move on. But for me, her cleaning that up was taking it in a way I didn't feel she deserved to have to do. If she gave into what he wanted, then he would feel better about himself, like he was still in control. I noticed too that he didn't want David to clean it up. He wanted it to be either me or Allison, and there was something very telling about that. I felt so belittling to make her have to do something like that. I felt like the mere act of having to do something like that was the kind of thing that ruins a young girl's self worth. Allison felt like I was holding onto the past, and the best thing to do is mindlessly scrape up the mess of yesterday, be it hers or someone else's and start out anew. It spelled a difference in how we coped with life I guess. I believe in quiet protest and have issues with authority that does not respect me, and Allison takes on responsibility that isn't something she should have to, and in doing I think she finds herself in a position where she feels she has more control over any given situation whereas I am more likely to bury my own grave due to my defiant attitude – but ultimately feel like I was more true to myself as I walk away.

Ultimately, in this situation, Allison didn't clean up the puke however, since for one, she really didn't want to. She was afraid at this point that cleaning it up would just ultimately cause her to puke, and secondly, I promised her that if she didn't clean the puke up and our dad had problems with that, I would personally jump in and my father could scream and freak out at me rather than her. I really didn't want Allison to have to clean it up, and just the thought of it made my blood boil. So she cleaned around it. My father was on the phone at that point with one of his online girlfriends and he was bragging about himself in this way that he always did. Allison asked if things were clean enough and he pointed to the corner of the couch. I looked him straight in the face and told him with factuality but not without some bit of attitude that that was Jordan's vomit and he needed to clean it rather than her. He was on the phone and I think my statement embarrassed him, so he said 'FINE RENEE' and then explained to his phone girlfriend that his eldest daughter was basically having hormonal issues and freaking out at him for something for no reason. The crazy in me thought of ripping the phone out of his hand and explaining to Jane Doe that he was trying to make his thirteen year old clean up this homeless guy's vomit on the couch from a week previous, but I thought better of it. He ended up cleaning it up a day or two later with some strong chemical soap, and a shampooer.

I guess things were building for me with my dad. The hurt I had felt was starting to turn into disgust. I don't remember at all how this fight went. I probably told him he cared about his online women more than he did his own family. He resented me because everyone in the household respected me more, including himself. Over the years I had been there for Allison and David and he hadn't. I had gained respect, and he had lost respect. He was threatened by me – not that I wanted his position in the house. I wanted out but couldn't get away on account of him. And I saw through him, and knew his vulnerabilities. Both of my parents, despite everything, considered me to be their best friend in their own individually weird way. I guess it's because I was curious about who they were. The older I have become, the less I tried to see them as the power structure I was meant to rely upon and I became curious about how they functioned. So when they did something really messed up, they would get insecure about me judging them – because I had seen what it was like for them behind the veil. And this sometimes threw my father in a rage, particularly when he personally felt like a failure.

I don't think he dealt with anything that had happened to him properly. He was messed up by the death of Patty, the death of his mother, the police investigation and being eventually long-distance-dumped over and over again. The more I lived around him, the more I realized that almost none of this was about me at all. He just hates himself that much and isn't emotionally stable enough to recognize or acknowledge his own failure without flying off the handle so his everyday life is this repetitive factory floor induced circular attempt to draw people and activities into his life that will distract him from himself, and when that fails he loses his fucking mind. And at times, I wondered why he hated himself to begin with. He was granted, not the best person in the world, but most of his flaws were in direct relation to how he responded to his own self loathing, which kept the cycle ongoing and out of control, and it ruined every relationship he ever had with anyone in his life – and this was why he had doubled down on preventing me from leaving. He felt like if he lost me he lost the one person in the world who loved him unconditionally. I don't see my father as a sociopath. The few people I have met who also know him see him as a part time total fuckface, but also someone who has legitimately the best of intentions with most of what he starts off doing. Just a very flawed person, and an emotional coward who used anger, and dominance to subjugate anything in his outer world that might challenge him or made him feel disappointed in himself. And as it happened, I have a challenging personality. The nail that sticks out gets hammered down. Of course, eventually, we are all nails sticking up in my father's world. He can't keep anyone around.

During this fight, I felt this flash of certainty. For years, I felt like he just pretended that nothing bad. I always felt this weird urge to walk up to him and punch him in the face and walk away for no reason. I didn't understand how he could go along as if nothing had happened, that he hadn't beaten me as a teen, forced me to babysit and essentially do half of a parent's work, or neglected my needs, or kicked me out for allegedly being gay. Since the fight was on anyway and something I wouldn't be able to walk out of unscathed, since I was afraid I might have a panic attack if I didn't keep myself focused and angry during this altercation, and since I had always wanted to call out the elephant in the room, I just decided to tell him for the first time what he had done to me as a teenager, specifically the day he had taken me home and beat me. So as he was screaming at me – telling me I was a spoiled brat – me in all my one of two oversized t-shirts and pajama bottoms who was lucky to afford seventy-five cents twice a week to go down to the pop machine and get a pop, burst out and asked him why he had given me a fat lip and bruises on my arm in high school. He looked honestly mystified for a moment and really put off – and started saying WHATTTT?. I reminded him of the circumstances, and I saw something weird snap in his face with guilt and then contort into this look of denial like some grand moment in a theater performance. He was still yelling, and then kind of stammering, and then I asked him again. He suddenly began wailing and screaming. It was kind of an attack at me and it was a bit scrambled to me. He then started screaming LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! I HATE MYSELF!!!!! I WANT TO DIE!!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! I HATE MYSELF!!! I HATE MYSELF!!!! I HATE MYSELF!!! over and over again. He sounded entirely deranged and broken. His eyes had sort of blanked out, and I don't even feel like he was seeing anything around him anymore I just stood there dumbfounded. I had never really gotten to this point in an argument before. He continued to yell this even as I got my coat on and my shoes and decided to leave the house for awhile and I could hear him as I walked up the street.

I had always thought that making my parents realize what they had done to me would bring some closure for me, or some satisfaction. I felt pushed down and weak, and they always came out the strong winners. Perhaps if the roles were reversed? As a little girl, I used to believe that before God let you into heaven, he made you watch a movie of your life and wired you up to the movie so you felt every emotion you made someone else feel. Whenever I got upset, if Roxanne pulled my hair or I was sent to my room or whatever, I would cry and then sit in bed and imagine this scenario until I felt like the world made sense again. I imagined God grabbing my parents or sister with his big hands (I imagined he was King Triton from Little Mermaid). He would force them to make eye contact when they looked away in shame, and the eye contact would be fierce and they would learn their lesson. It was of course a testament to my sensitivity as a child, as well as my early onset of a God complex of sorts and egotism, but also my need for a sense of understanding and equilibrium to exist. I had gone for years thinking that karmic justice would make me feel better. When I had seen my father confronted with his own deeds, it broke him. And I didn't really feel the way I thought I would. He seemed mentally unwell, disconnected, and ultimately weak. He seemed small to me, and scared – a creature too dumb to comprehend it's own actions. And that was just the tip of the iceberg. If God held him down and forced him to watch his life-movie, he probably would have blown his brains out. He was an irresponsible coward, and there was nothing I could do or say to change that. I felt disconnected from him, and a little sad for him. How empty it would be to live your life afraid of honest introspection? It would feel so much better just to be honest with yourself. He couldn't humble himself to the slightest insult, and this ultimately limited growth for him. And as he failed to grow as a person, he ultimately decayed.

The realization of this didn't make me feel good at all. I didn't like the power I yielded for those moments of realization. It made me a little bit sad. Not just for him, but for everyone. I guess it was hitting me then that not everyone is emotionally capable of change. Maybe understanding isn't for everyone. You can put stepping stones down for people to follow, and no matter how clearly they are put down, no matter how tiny the step, some people will fall in and drown anyway. I think in this moment my father's position in my life began to alter a little bit. If things were never going to get better, then I didn't want to hate him anymore. I realized that I had reached a point where I held some virtues and character that he lacked, rendering him the child and me the adult. If he was capable of suicide, then I didn't want to push him over that edge either. He wasn't going to help me forgive him. I was just going to have to forgive him myself – and in so doing I took the personal responsibility out of his hands and some of his credit as a father figure. He was too weak to know better, and if he couldn't be held responsible for his actions, than I guess I was going to have to eat that karmic debt. I believe there was a point at the end of one of Robert Pirsig's books where he talked about just that. And I really understood it at that moment.

Allison and I were sitting on the rocks by the Kendrick bike path at sunset one day. We had taken a walk. Allison was talking absently about school, and I was more or less listening distantly, as it was the kind of stuff that seems important to you as a preteen but actually isn't, like who is dating who or what one girl said about another. It's important to listen to thirteen year olds who talk about this stuff though, because it ultimately is very real to them and a huge growing point in their life. It's also an age that isolates you from both children and adults, and even older teens, and I feel like it's important to understand the spirit of these mundane high school dramas even if the events themselves are mind numbing. I get tempted to blurt out the obvious thing that isn't obvious to a younger generation of girls, 'She should dump him, she's too young for a relationship and even if they do try to have sex it's going to be a disappointing experience', 'that girl is just jealous of the other girl. 'She's probably going to party a whole bunch and then make some serious mistakes. She seems cool now, but her life will be a mess in four years if she doesn't stop' 'That over-the-top cordial Christian boy is going to probably get married when he is twenty and stay married for twenty more years because fundamentalist Christian people are weiiiird..' Just random opinions that I would generally have about whoever she was talking about. It felt strange to be judging all these kids and their little lives back in the school I used to suffer in.

We were sitting there that day though, talking besides the bike path. I was looking out absently at the path, and I started seeing this odd glimmerly form. It looked sort of like a person, but his body movements were completely erratic, like he was wounded and falling. His walking seemed shock induced and senseless, like someone who has just crawled out of bombed building. He looked like he was in agony, and like his leg was messed up. I got up to move, and then suddenly he was gone. I thought perhaps my eyes were playing tricks on me, so I sat back down, and there he was again. I moved again, and he wasn't there, but then I moved to another area and I could see him even more visibly, details in his clothing and facial expression. He seemed to be laboring towards us, but at the same time he wasn't coming any closer. For some reason I wasn't even scared when perhaps I should have been. What I was seeing was something that shouldn't exist. But it didn't seem like it was there on my account in the same way that the voice from my house had screamed my name at me. It was almost like a movie playing in the distance, though obviously more surreal.

I had to interrupt Allison and point the guy out to her. At first she couldn't see him from her position, but then I had her move to where I was, and she could see him too. We both watched him, and just to be clear, we made out his details and clarified it back and forth to one another. He was not aware of where he was. His leg seemed injured. He was extremely dirty, almost like he had been covered in dried mud. He had blonde hair that was also incredibly dirty. He was wearing boots and overalls. His blonde hair was a little longer and spilled out in his face. He looked like someone from another time era. We both just sat there and watched it, and neither one of us was actually scared. We just couldn't believe it. It seemed real and unreal at the same time. I felt badly watching him suffer, but at the same time he almost just seemed like data or something. We watched him for about ten minutes. He started fading and getting harder to see, and eventually he just became this space where he looked more like a mirage than a person and then he was gone. Allison and I walked home. We tried to tell David, but he seemed more confused. David for whatever reason has never had a very ghostly experience in his life. For this reason, when either Allison or I told him stories of things we had both seen (Allison and her best friend Jessica had once watched a hand come out of a door inviting them to come inside with it's finger during a stay-over), and it wasn't that he didn't believe us, but his reality was not the same as ours. He just didn't get it. I think at times he was prone to believe us, and at times he didn't really, but it was hard for him to have the depth of belief necessary to fully take in our experiences since nothing of the sort had ever been present in his own perception.

This incident was something Allison and I occasionally talk about when there are people around. Everyone has opinions of the supernatural and it's entertaining to see the reactions of those who believe us and don't. It really kind of got me though. It would have been one thing if I had been the only one who was seeing it. If that had been the case, I would have doubted my own judgment, though maintained that it seemed real to me at the moment. One person cannot verify anything, even if that one person was myself. But for one, the situation happened for one, at a time when neither Allison or I were scared or stressed. It was still daylight, and we were in a peaceful area talking about far removed subjects. We weren't freaking each other out with ghost stories, or even upset. We were both relatively feeling okay. Secondly, we both had quite a few minutes to study the situation. The mind can play tricks for a few seconds, but it's much harder to really have those kinds of moments when you have time to reflect on it, particularly if you aren't scared. And we were verifying things with one another like a few curious scientists when it happened. And third, we both saw it. We both saw it for several minutes.

So, from this experience, I have to gauge that life and reality is not what we think it is. I don't want to sound like the monologue in the beginning of Tales From the Darkside or the Twilight Zone' but really what we saw should have been impossible. There was nobody there. And yet there was. The way I see it, we were either getting a glimpse into the past, or some alternate reality. That felt the most true for what we were looking at. He had no idea we were there, and there were only certain angles where we could see him at all. And why were we seeing him? Why weren't we seeing a past that was nothing but the trees? Because we were almost exclusively seeing this guy. Well, maybe our thoughts and feelings leak into the world around us. Maybe those feelings stain reality. I have no idea of knowing if that is true or not, but it might make sense for those who get strange feelings at places like Gettysburg. We were seeing something that was either happening in some other dimension, or seeing something that had already happened. Why Allison and I were tuned into it is very strange – seeing as we aren't seeing past car crashes being relived on the sides of roads. This isn't some daily Sixth Sense thing for either one of us. Why did this present itself to us exactly? I can only think it's because we were in the right time and place, and we were in some collectively correct state of mind where we were open to it. And I think the fact that this person – whoever, or wherever he was, was suffering a great deal.

This notion is something I have really taken to. It makes me see the world in a different and much more poetic way. Places come to life with the feelings we have on them. The events of our existences create a show on all that is around us, and essences of our existence can be felt beyond time and space. Some part of me will always be laying in the grass by the creek with Zack back in 04', I will always be holding my grandmother's hand watching television in some dimensional reality. Every thought I think, everything I do or say, every connection I make with the world around me is being printed into the world around me, the beautiful and the ugly. And together, all of us are creating this complex mosaic and added meaning to every inch of our reality. In essence our thoughts are painting and sculpting what is real – and not vice versa. We are creating art through the act of living and experiencing. And that is a very beautiful thought. I can't say I believe in it to the same extent I believe in the computer screen in front of me, and I think that blind faith isn't the charming characteristic it is made out to be. I couldn't sit at a dinner table with Richard Dawkins and expect to be taken seriously. But I know there was something to this, and this is my number one suspicion about life. I think people have vibrations that transcend everything we understand. Is there a reason behind this or any concrete way to prove my theory? No. But I see a place on the sidewalk, and I don't just see that place. I see it as a place where people went back and forth to work on, children played and drew chalk on, drunks vomited on, people held hands on. It's not just a chunk of concrete shaped along the earth. It has taken on and transcended it's utilitarian purposes. I don't just see that as symbolic. I see it as very real. I realize that there are flaws in this thinking, and I also realize it's painfully human and self important in a universe that pretty much demonstrates human beings as temporary, obsolete, and destructive in a very petty way. And yet, I can't unsee it.

I guess it's remotely just as possible that what we saw was a ghost, or a demon or that reality is just something I make up in my own head. Perhaps the government or aliens implanted the memory into Allison and my collective skulls. Maybe I invented it all in my mind, maybe it's all a matter of accepting solipsism. I don't really think so. I am open minded to anything, but it didn't feel like any of those things. I don't buy the religious implications of an all out demon – and in any way, it wasn't being very good at being a scary demon as neither Allison nor I were overly frightened, it didn't seem like a ghost but maybe. I highly doubt the government would waste it's time and precious technology on me or my sister – that's more absurd to me than a wiggly reality, and an alien race wasting it's tech on me or Allison for something so meaningless and also seemed equally if not more ludicrous. Though the world could be something I invented in my own thoughts, I really doubt I am capable of that. I just don't think I could create quantum physics and write millions or songs or secretly understand how the universe operates but just fool myself that I am not capable so there is still an element of surprise to living. It just feels like I would do something a little more interesting that waste my youth like this. It's quite possible we are living in a simulation of some kind – which is one of the more probable suggestions I have heard of, but if that is the case, it doesn't really stamp on my previous ideas about reality. And it was still equally just as much of an anomaly.

PART 73 - https://tinyurl.com/y6vy2jeu

PART 72 - https://tinyurl.com/yaegqs9x

PART 71 - https://tinyurl.com/y6v3ln9a

My Life Story in Chapters, PARTS 1-70 (this link below will lead you to a list of all the chapters i have written thus far).

http://aleatoryalarmalligator.tumblr.com/post/168782771574/life-story-sections-1-70

#text #life story

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monopolisticcompetitionessay987 · 4 years ago

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Paper Towns Faq

Paper Towns Faq Manic Pixie Dream Girls are paper girls – they appear good in principle, but can't exist in actual life. She tells Quentin that, “The nearer people get to me, the much less hot they discover me,” , as a result of folks consider that Margo is extra perfect from farther away, just like the town of Orlando. People are attracted to the thought of her as a MPDG, opposed to the lady herself. Because the trope is so unrealistic, it could possibly only exist when applied from a distance. The readers have discovered Margo in the identical method that Quentin has, and have realized her depth over time. After discovering the facility behind a personality as multi-dimensional as Margo, Quentin and the readers really feel a way of disgrace for having initially seen her with such a slim and restricted notion. Urged down a disconnected path, the nearer he gets, the much less Q sees of the lady he thought he knew. The Fault in Our Stars is about two youngsters who fall in love, and who also happen to have most cancers. Strikingly sensible and exquisite with out being sentimental, it's as near perfection as fiction will get. However, it is this selfishness that helps Margo begin to escape of the trope of the MPDG. Since Manic Pixie Dream Girls exist solely for the purpose of the male protagonist, by leaving the male protagonist behind, Margo establishes her personal sense of self which continues to develop in her time in Agloe. The fragmentation of Quentin’s discovery of Margo is a means that John Green deconstructs the metanarrative of the MPDG. That literary trope presents women with certain overarching features that aren't practical and do not portray any truth about ladies – simply an concept that writers have of them in their heads. Of course, Margo herself is certainly one of these paper individuals, and refers to herself as “paper lady” , made from one thing bodily one-dimensional to check to the one-dimensional trope of the MPDG. Although, on this passage, John Green alludes to the enchantment of the MPDG, he exhibits what a adverse have an effect on that the picture has on Margo. When Quentin and his associates reunite with Margo, they call her selfish for disappearing with none warning. Margo is no exception, and the day after making these observations to Quentin, she disappears, putting as much distance between herself and the individuals who view her as a paper lady as attainable. The downside with the use of this trope in popular culture is that, based on Rabin and plenty of different critics, the time period is inherently sexist. Manic Pixie Dream Girls were created by the writers solely to assist the male protagonist feel extra fulfilled; therefore they don't have any life of their very own and can't exist without the mopey male. This leads to the blatant lack of dimension in these characters and explains why the characters are so unrealistic – there are not any ladies in actual life who're Manic Pixie Dream Girls. The “dream” in the name itself implies that it's not a character that may exist in reality, nor ought to it. The novel is narrated by Hazel, a witty 16-12 months-old who is forced to attend a cringeworthy support group for teens with cancer. It’s there that she meets 17-year-old Gus, a handsome former basketball star with a love for video video games and their trashy novelizations. Green spoke concerning the movie adaptation at BookCon on May 30, the place he shared the stage with forged members Nat Wolff and Justice Smith, director Jake Schreier, screenplay writer Michael H. Weber, and composer Ryan Lott of Son Lux. Green in contrast being on set for the diversifications of The Fault in Our Stars and Paper Towns, saying that the latter was a much lighter experience, with extra laughter than tears. John Michael Green is an American author, vlogger, author, producer, actor and editor. So when she cracks open a window and climbs back into his life - dressed like a ninja and summoning him for an ingenious campaign of revenge - he follows. After their all-nighter ends and a new day breaks, Q arrives at college to discover that Margo, always an enigma, has now turn out to be a thriller. But Q quickly learns that there are clues - and so they're for him. At the top of his apologetic article in Salon, Rabin encourages writers to stop the unfold of the tropes and to, “try to write better, more nuanced and multidimensional female characters” . The New York Times bestselling author of Looking for Alaska, An Abundance of Katherines, Paper Towns, and The Fault in Our Stars, he is additionally the coauthor, with David Levithan, of Will Grayson, Will Grayson. He was 2006 recipient of the Michael L. Printz Award, a 2009 Edgar Award winner, and has twice been a finalist for the Los Angeles Times Book Prize. Green’s books have been revealed in more than a dozen languages. Quentin Jacobsen has spent a lifetime loving the magnificently adventurous Margo Roth Spiegelman from afar. I am an undergraduate student at Roanoke College studying Literature and Creative Writing. I am additionally an avid TV watcher and believe in reading for fun - as well as for varsity. As Quentin discards the version of Margo he invented for the real Margo, John Green discards the Manic Pixie Dream Girl from literature.

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surveystodestressme · 7 years ago

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85.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 22

2001. Can you believe that we have only gotten through two fifths of this survey so far? i believe it 2002. What is your opinion of Dave Coulier? i have no idea who that is 2003. If you were to a write a Choose Your Own Adventure book, what would it be about? horror 2004. What was your best find from a flea market, garage sale, ebay or thrift store? huh? 2005. What do you not have enough money for right now? a new car

2006. Do you believe that Teras for Fears were right when they said, “Everybody wants to rule the world?” eh 2007. What is the design on your beach towel? i don’t have a beach towel 2008. What stirs something deep and animalistic inside you? mean fucking people 2009. Have you ever cross dressed (even as a joke)? no 2010. Do you own anything with a rainbow on it? yes lol my boyfriends mom buys pj pants for everyone on christmas and this year she got me rainbow pants with minions on them....... i’ve NEVER even seen despicable me 2011. What would be the worst object for a child to take on a long car ride with you? a loud handheld game 2012. What’s the Best Beatles song in your opinion? help 2013. Why do you suppose that diary sites are more popular with females than males? idk 2014. What do these color combinations remind you of: orange and pink: ice cream pink and green: fruit green and gold: nature purple and gold: idk gold and red: royalty red and white: america blue and grey: the beach 2015. What is one selfish thing you tend to do? let people buy me stuff 2016. When do you think technology will catch up with the Jetson’s? idk 2017. What made you laugh today? my lab partners 2018. Do you ever stick your entries in any of the diary circles? no. 2019. Can you freestyle rap? i could try but it wouldn’t be that good 2020. Are you: stylish? somewhat shiek? huh? smart? i think so 2021. Do you find you self only buying brand name products? i do not care about name brands 2022. Would you ever want to buy an article of clothing or an accessory because you saw a celebrity wear it? i don’t pay attention to celebrities enough 2023. What song do you feel the sexiest dancing to? buttons by pussycat dolls 2024. Who do you know who looks silly when they dance? my dad 2025. Sweaty sex or clean sex? a lil bit of both honestly 2026. Which is more important to you: being kind or being right? i mean both honestly. 2027. Can you do any special dances like swing, tap, or ballroom? i used to do tap 2028. Are you scared of monsters? nada 2029. Who would you like to remind people of? idc 2030. Do you walk to school or do you bring your lunch? neither???? 2031. Rate your skills from one to ten (10 = you are the best at it): socializing: 5 making friends: 5 working with computers: 5 arts: 7 crafts: 7 dancing: 2 skating: 6 talking other people into things: 8 writing: 9 living life to the fullest each day: 5 cooking: 3 gardening: 2 cleaning up after yourself: 9 playing poker: 1 surviving in the woods: 3 managing your time: 8 attracting the opposite sex (or same sex if you prefer)? 4 2032. Have you ever been to an indian reservation? nope 2033. What is going to happen tomorrow that you can celebrate, even if it’s a little thing? idk 2034. Do you save things for special occasions or is everyday a special occasion? i save things. 2035. What is one thing you are terrible at: saving money 2036. What’s your favorite: rap song: love the way you lie country song: we danced industrial song: idk. cover song: cant help falling in love with you punk song: idk odd song: cotton eye joe 2037. What do you get your teacher or your boss for the holidays? not a thing lol 2038. Do you like to read books by Virgina Wolfe? never read any. 2039. What is your favorite tv show from when you were a kid? spongebob 2040. What is now proved was once only imagined. - William Blake. What do you imagine? the future. 2041. What has been passed down through at least two generations to you? nothing 2042. Do we live in a particularly bad age for romance? i don’t think so 2043. Have you ever cheated on someone? nope Do you believe that once someone is a cheater they can never be trusted? yes 2044. Have you ever gone: christmas caroling? nope pumpkin picking? yeah on a hay wagon ride? yes on a romantic valentine’s day date? yeah to a new year’s eve party? a couple times to a memorial day parade? yeah to the Macy’s thanksgiving day parade? maybe in the past to search for gold coins on st patrick’s day? no. 2045. Have you ever done any modeling? nope 2046. Would you consider yourself to be psychologically damaged? not that i can think of 2047. How aware are you of the reasons behind your actions and words? very aware 2048. What is the sickest you ever drank or drugged yourself? i haven’t had any really bad experiences tbh. it’s always a shitty time when i’ve thrown up from alcohol but i’ve never blacked out. 2049. Would you prefer it if clothing was optional? no lol. 2050. What is one interesting fact about you: i collect shot glasses 2051. Are more people depressed because they are alone, or are more people alone because they are depressed? they’re more depressed bc they’re alone probably but there are way more complicated reasons as to why people are depressed 2052. Have you ever gotten a mug, t-shirt, key chain, etc. that was personalized with your picture? no lol 2053. What was the last thing that you experienced for the first time? i don’t know 2054. If you were going to die tomorrow and you were leaving a postcard for someone to read after you were gone what would it say? i dunno. 2055. If you were about to be executed what would your last request be? tell my family that i love them 2056. What kinds of people do you find intimidating? too many people lol 2057. How much conviction do you have in your feelings and beliefs? quite a bit. 2058. In your house where is the: crazy glue? in the junk drawer flashlight? above the snack cabinet 2059. Out of everyone you know who has the most personality? there’s plenty of people lol 2060. If you could go back in time to experience a musical movement or era, which one would you choose to live through? none 2061. Do you suffocate people with your love? sometimes 2062. Do you feel your life is charmed? no. 2063. What character do you identify the most with from Winnie the Pooh? piglet 2064. When do you do your best thinking? in the shower or on the toilet 2065. What motivates you? food 2066. Look back at all the people you’ve dated. Has there been a pattern? not that i can think of 2067. Things change but what will always remain the same for you? i don’t know 2068. Is divorce something you would ever consider or do you feel that marriage is permanantly binding? i would preferably not get divorced. 2069. What’s the strangest movie you ever saw? the abc’s of death 2070. If you could go into virtual reality and set up your life there to be perfect and it would seem real but not be real would you trade your life now for the virtual life? it’d be cool but no 2071. Does it seem like life is more difficult for you than for anyone else? nope 2072. What are you grateful for? everything i have. 2073. What was a choice that you didn’t want to make but you had to? idk. 2074. Have you ever had dental surgery? no. 2075. At what point exactly are you grown up? when you have bills and you feel like you’re drowning 2076. If there was a weight loss procedure that would destroy your ability to taste food so you wouldn’t be tempted by junk food, would you have it done? absolutely not 2077. What is one thing that happened that you never expected? finding someone i love who actually loves me back 2078. If you called one of your friends and they said “It’s nothing personal but I don’t want to talk to anyone right now,” would you take it personally? nah, i’ve had moments like that too so i can understand 2079. What is your favorite girl’s name? i don’t really have one 2080. Do you ever feel guilty for being more fortunate than others? not really. 2081. If you had to wear a shirt with one word on it for a year, what word would you choose? kok 2082. What is evian spelled backwards? naive 2083. You drop 10 pounds of feathers and a ten pound bowling ball off the top of the same building. Which will hit the ground first? they both weigh the same, sooo both 2084. Even though you may never get what you want, are you happy because you’re trying? yes 2085. If you started a petition what would it be about? idk. 2086. When was the last time you asked someone to do something and they said no? everytime i ask jack to do something he says no but does it anyways 2087. Do bad things happen to you on friday the 13th? not that i know of. 2088. What’s your favorite: Madonna song? - John Lennon song? - Michael Jackson song? billy jean Doors song? - Rolling Stones song? - David Bowie song?- Elvis song? cant help falling in love with you 2089. If you had started a relationship with someone and they said that it would be best if no one knew about it just to see how it goes, would you be offended? it depends ig but id feel like they just wanted to hide me 2090. Do you know any self defense? not really How about CPR? i know the concept of it but ive never really practiced or anything 2091. If you had to look into a mirror and see your naked soul stripped of all delusions and pretenses (Never ending Story style)could you handle it? maybe 2092. Are you a genius? no. 2093. How did you find out that Santa Clause wasn’t real? i got a letter from ‘him’ and the handwriting was the same as my dads 2094. Which is your favorite tarot card? i dont do that shit 2095. Does the internet separate people or connect them? both. 2096. Have you ever written a letter to a soldier? my brother and my sister and some of my friends when they were all in the military 2097. Does pain and fear make you feel alive? to a a certain degree 2098. Are you: good looking? yeah thin? no. happy? yes successful? not yet confident? for the most part 2099. Are you decisive or wishy washy? in between. 2100. Do you feel pop stars should be morally responsible to set a good example for their fans? it’s nice but they shouldn’t be obliged to.

#bored #quiz #questions #survey

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fwittrocknews · 8 years ago

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The Gentleman Caller Cometh: Finn Wittrock on the Endurance of ‘The Glass Menagerie’

By Drew Grant • 03/16/17 6:00am - Posted on Observer.com (This interview goes along with the photoshoot in the previous post)

The first time I saw Finn Wittrock, he scared the shit out of me. As Dandy Mott in the fourth season of American Horror Story (that would be the “Freak Show” one, for those not keeping up), Wittrock, 32, was a rich mommy’s boy-turned-serial killing clown (because in a Ryan Murphy production, one naturally follows the other) who turned matricidal when he didn’t get his way. Wittrock, with his cleft chin and movie star good looks, has a polish that tends to cast him in a darker light: as mere mortals, it’s hard for us to imagine anyone that attractive hasn’t just been over-compensated for some defection of the soul. Which is why he’s made such a good foil in the last three seasons of Murphy’s seasonal anthology, playing everyone from Dandy to Rudolph Valentino to a vampire/male model named Tristan (and that was in the same season!) to, most recently, a backwoods inbred cannibal in American Horror Story: Roanoke …a role that required the actor to transform himself with so many prosthetics that he was barely recognizable.

But outside of AHS, Wittrock has enjoyed a killer career trajectory, beginning with an off-Broadway stint in 2011 for Tony Kushner’s The Illusion and a year later, on Broadway in Michael Nichols’ production of Death of a Salesman, a rendition made famous by its applauded reviews and Philip Seymour Hoffman’s performance. (Wittrock, along with future Spider-Man Andrew Garfield, played Hoffman’s prodigies.) Wittrock, like his AHS co-star Evan Peters, seems at home playing smaller parts in larger ensemble films, like his turn in Adam McKay’s The Big Short (where he played a young garage investor, Jamie Shipley) and most recently, as Emma Stone’s clueless, pre-Gosling boyfriend in La La Land.

Luckily, Wittrock didn’t manage to be part of the coterie on-stage during the epic #OscarFail of 2017, as he was in rehearsals for his return to Broadway in Sam Gold’s The Glass Menagerie. (Prior to that, he’d been working with Gold for New York Theatre Workshop’s production of Othello.) As he splits his time between Los Angeles–where he lives with his wife–and New York, where he performs alongside the likes of David Oyelowo, Daniel Craig and Sally Field, Wittrock sat down with us on his day off about Tennesse Williams, Ryan Murphy, and while he’ll always be brushing up his Shakespeare.

What do you think will surprise people most about this production of The Glass Menagerie?

I think people are surprised by how many laughs there are in the show. I was surprised when I first read it.

I don’t know how Sally Field managed to embody both my mother and my grandmother at the same time.

I heard she did some research on that, talked to them about it.

The play struck so close to home, the last third act I was just muttering into my hands “Shut up shut up shut up, you’re making it worse!” Both to your character and Field’s.

A lot of people have felt that it’s close to home, and maybe not in a totally comfortable way.

My first experience watching you was originally on American Horror Story, when she showed up in season 4 as the rich brat-turned-clown-serial-killer. But I had always wished that I had been able to see that performance of Death of a Salesman that you starred in with Philip Seymour Hoffman.

That was a life-changer.

Was that your first big introduction to theatre?

Not with theater as an art. I’ve been doing theater since I was a kid. But it was definitely like, in terms of my career, a big break for me. And just artistically too, working with those people opened me up, I would say, in a big way. So it’s kind of cool, looking back at what I think is five years ago, now.

You were what, in your early twenties?

I turned 27 during the production. It’s fun and beautiful to come back to Broadway, to see how I’m different, how my confidence is different.

As the Gentleman Caller, Jim O’Connor, you’re VERY confident.

Well…I’m acting that way. But I still feel like a kid when I’m onstage.

I was reading The New York Times‘ profile of Sam Gold putting on this production, and they gave you guys a glowing review. And I guess I hadn’t known that Madison Ferris, who plays Laura, has muscular dystrophy. That wheelchair she sits in through much of the play isn’t a prop. I just thought she was making a very specific character choice for a part that only requires a slight limp.

I think Sam is very sincere in trying to expand the pool of what we’re used to seeing onstage, and trying to crack that open; trying to crack open the norms: the normal shapes and sizes and colors of what we see onstage.

I imagine that makes the production extremely hard to block around. The scene where you are trying to get her to dance, and you knock over a figurine…the entire time, all I could think was “They must have rehearsed that scene endlessly.”

The blocking was very specific and very intricate. Though it seems very simple, there’s a lot of work that goes into making it seem that natural. The analogy is perfect for the whole production because the set looks completely bare-bones, but if you see that Times piece, you see there were, however, many thousands of pounds of concrete poured onto the stage. All the sprinklers. This contraption to make the table move back at one point, that’s an incredibly elaborate contraption of shifts and levers and things. Which, basically, no one notices. Because it’s all to make a table move back, seemingly on its own, when the spotlight is elsewhere. All the work that goes into making something seem effortless. But that’s the kind of magic of it.

I haven’t done theater since high school, but even then, I remembered just how exhausting it was. The everyday grind of it all. Rehearsal, rehearsal, rehearsal, opening night, all these performances…and that’s just like, a high school production of Guys and Girls. I can’t imagine what that must be like on Broadway, especially coming off doing television and film.

It is, it’s very different. The fundamentals of acting are still the same, but the kind of athleticism of doing a play is just more demanding.

I imagine everyone has to be in just really good shape.

Internally, too. Also, I think the biggest difference to me, is, say, I have a tough emotional scene to complete in a movie or a show. That will be like, a really tough day at work. It will be like 8-12 hours that are really rough, having to go there. And then it’s over; it’s done, and I never have to touch it ever again for the rest of my life. It’s in a can, it’s in a computer program somewhere and someone edits it, and it’s gone. But if I have an intense scene in a play that goes well one night, I have to go back the next day and do it again. There’s no finale, you know?

Your character, Jim, reminded me so much of most of my ex-boyfriends. One of these guys who means well, but is always trying to–for lack of a better word–“mansplain” everything. He’s a little bit of a blowhard.

I think he’s a guy who lives by self-help books. He’s a guy who lives by an idealistic, gung-ho America kind of thing. But I think he believes in it genuinely. And I think the trap is having him fall into a lecture-y egotist. I think he is selfish, but completely unconsciously. I think he is trying to help her, and the scene does play deeper.

The way he’s just hitting that beat over and over, that her problem is a lack of confidence.

I think he’s like a lot of people. A believer in hard and fast solutions. I started reading this book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie. It’s one of the first kind of real self-help books. It may actually have been….Tennesse Williams might have taken some inspiration (for this character) from it. The way Jim speaks is very, very similar. So I read that every night before I go on stage.

At its core, the book actually has a nice message. It’s like “Make it about the other person, don’t make it about you.”

And explain their personalities to them.

That’s the trap, yes.

In general, I’m not the hugest Tennessee Williams fan. Melodrama is its own certain thing, and where we’re at right now as a country, it feels like watching a show that’s so claustrophobic in its view of family is maybe a bit…melodramatic. But the way Gold did the show felt very modern: there was a lot of physicality, the way the characters are constantly touching each other, that I’m pretty positive Williams didn’t write into those bare-bones stage directions.

I think Sam is always looking to how to be faithful to the play as written, but also be very affecting for people in 2017 walking into a theater. How to do both things at once, but always leaning to the side of what will affect people the most, rather than playing homage to another dead playwright.

At the very opening of the play, after Tom’s speech, someone right behind me yelled out “Sounds like Trump!”

Oh yes. I remember that. The line was about “the huge middle class of America was matriculating in a school for the blind.”

That’s a great line.

I know, Tom has all the best lines. You think of these plays as sort of dated, but it does become amazingly pertinent when you strip it down. And the stuff Jim says about America…it still hasn’t aged. We haven’t aged out of that mentality.

I think the play is really harkening back to a time that is simpler. Because the play is written just at the cusp of World War II, but is set in the 30s. Tom is looking back at a time just before the world blew up with a kind of nostalgia, but also, things weren’t so great then, you know?

No, it seems almost…uncomfortably tight.

Tight, exactly. Claustrophobic. The family as the microcosm for the national blow-up that was about to happen. And I feel like there’s a sense of that now. People are, even from a few months ago, nostalgic about the past.

Oh my god, do you remember a couple months ago? Things were great!

I know right? The world was so simple!

The play is about memory, and that never gets old. You don’t think about memory in a vacuum. Every memory you have is connected. You feel something about that memory. Anything you harken back to, you feel a certain way. Your stomach is connected to your head. I think that’s what the play was after: really stripping memories down and making them about bare-bone human essentials.

Let’s go back a little bit. You said you did theater in high school?

Even before that. I was born in Massachusetts, in Lenox, and my dad worked at this theater company called Shakespeare and Company. Mostly summer, but they do some stuff year round with Shakespeare. I kind of grew up running around the hills of the Berkshires, listening to actors do Shakespeare and being like the pageboy for whatever play was happening at the time. So that’s where I caught the bug. I was young.

Were you a big Shakespeare fan?

Yes. I would say so. It was nice, I got to Othello right before this with Sam, which was great. So that’s where I began, and then I moved to LA when I was 12 and went to this arts high school, called LA High School for the Arts.

Then you came here, did Death of a Salesman…so how does this lead you back to Los Angeles and getting hooked up with the Ryan Murphy crew for American Horror Story?

Ha, it’s funny how life becomes like a domino effect, right? You can track back like “How did I meet that, from that, from that?” I was in a movie called The Normal Heart, which Ryan directed, which Mark Ruffalo was in…and actually, so was Joe Mantello (from Menagerie). He was in it on Broadway, but plays a different part. It’s a beautiful movie. I just got that from an audition. Salesman had exposed me to a lot more casting directors at the time, so I started going out a lot when that was over, and I went out for The Normal Heart and found out three months later that I got it. And then shot the scene…I mean, it’s a nice part, but it’s a smallish part. Really intense and cool, though.

I met all those guys, and then Ryan one day on the set was like, “I have this crazy idea for a character in my show. Do you want to do it?”

What he doesn’t tell you is that the following season, you have to play two characters.

Or I’ll have to wear so many prosthetics that no one recognizes me.

American Horror Story: Roanoke, will live forever in my memory as “the season we barely saw Evan Peters or Finn Wittrock.”

Yeah, it’s the season where everyone showed up and immediately died.

Well, to be fair, that’s often how AHS plots develop.

But that’s the thing about the show! Being dead doesn’t mean you’re not going to work! Kathy Bates I think, talked more AFTER she was dead.

Are you a dancer as well?

(laughs) Who told you that?

In the Hotel season of American Horror Story, you have a great tango with Lady Gaga. I thought “This guy has some moves!” And then watching the heartbreaking way you “dance” with Laura in the Menagerie…

Oh, that’s sweet. I’m married to a dancer, actually, so maybe she’s rubbed off on me through osmosis. They do make me dance on that show, that’s right. They don’t make me sing, luckily…for everyone’s sake.

I have to say, for a lot of my friends, Dandy from American Horror Story: Freak Show is their fan favorite character.

That’s cool. That’s pretty wild. He creeps me out, personally.

Ryan Murphy is heading up approximately a million projects right now: AHS, American Crime Story: Katrina, Feud….are you going to be involved with any of these projects?

You know, Ryan is a very loyal guy. I’m sure I’ll get an email from him one of these days with something to do, and I’ll inevitably say yes.

So, let’s talk La La Land. You had a small role in the film as Mia’s boyfriend. Were you there at the Oscars?

No, I wasn’t. The nice thing about doing a play is it makes for a perfect excuse not to have to go to those things. Or anything else. I guess I might have been there, if I had been in LA.

Did you watch the now-historic moment when La La Land handed the Best Picture Oscar to Moonlight?

Yes, I watched the whole thing. It was…tense. I would say the word “tense” could be used.

But it also made for some great live television.

It did, it did. I have to say, I felt bad because the Oscars had done really well, up to that moment. The show was going really well, it was a relatively diverse year, the jokes were pretty funny, people had nice speeches…and the ONLY thing people are only going to remember this fiasco. The last few seconds.

But yes, it did make for a great moment on live TV. I just don’t know you’re supposed to compare La La Land to Moonlight; it’s like comparing two totally different art forms.

#Finn Wittrock #Interview #Observer #The Glass Menagerie #Broadway #American Horror Story #AHS #La La Land

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noramoya · 7 years ago

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“I remember Michael's words: ‘They ruined my dream. I had this dream, perhaps childish and foolish, a place designed to celebrate the innocence of that childhood that I never had, and they took it from me. I love children, I could never do them harm. I spent all my life to love them and try to do good things for them. The libel of harming a child, that breaks my heart. It is an unbearable pain, those accusations are unjust and terrible…’ As he said these things, he began to cry. I held him in my arms… He was so skinny and frail.” 😢 Did he mention future projects? “He told me he was preparing the London concerts. I told him ‘I advise you not to cancel a sole show, or they’ll slaughter you.’ He said: ‘I know, so I’m preparing myself for the better, because otherwise I will have no more hope to be loved back again’. He was thin and pale, but with all the makeup he had, even just to see a dermatologist, you could not tell how it was underneath. One thing I can say, I could feel so much pain in him for the past and a lot of anxiety and uncertainty for the future.” David Nordahl, Michael’s artist and friend, provided Michael Jackson with the commissioned sketches of the Neverland Dream completed. They included a high-rise of condos architecturally designed to look like a high-as-a-cliff series of dwellings nestled in a massive concrete tree house. Each condo had a huge bay window facing the outside with an unobstructed view of Neverland with an outdoor theater screen looming across the landscape. Each apartment was wired with sound leading from that movie screen. The condos were furnished with state of the art hospital equipment and beds. Those beds were placed in front of the expansive windows so that the bed’s occupant could clearly see the opposing outdoor movie screen. Some descriptors of Neverland recall the outdoor movie screen and remarked how it eerily played cartoons to an invisible audience and how spooky they found that seemingly empty attempt at amusement. What they didn’t know was the mind and heart of Michael Jackson: The reason for the condos was to host, free of charge, gravely ill and dying children and their parents at Neverland. Michael had lots of experience hosting children at Neverland and witnessed firsthand how it could be a life changing experience. He had coached enough children about using affirmations (written and repeated declarations) to create a new reality and meditation in the form of visualizations to defeat disease. He had taught them how to imagine their cancer cells being eaten up by little healing pac-man characters inside their bodies. He had observed firsthand too, how the right music piped in through Neverland speakers made the flowers grow bigger and more beautiful and the grass grow greener and more lush. Michael Jackson studied the cutting edge healing methods and knew that laughter is the best medicine, that humor heals, that negative emotions harm while positive ones heal the body. It’s quite possible that he was familiar with the beneficial effects of negative ions on mood– Neverland had fountains everywhere. Falling water produces negative ions; that’s why standing near a waterfall feels so good. He obviously read Anatomy of An Illness and other works by Norman Cousins, the work of Patch Adams and other physician healers who understood holistic medicine, and how the Marx Brothers comedy contributed to understanding laughter’s effects on the body. The movie screen was programmed to play cartoons night and day in a continual loop because Michael knew that children who are sick often wake up frightened at night and these children would have something funny to watch to forget their troubles. Michael knew from his research that human hormones, chemicals, systems and cells function better in a positive and upbeat environment than they do in a room-darkened gloomy sickroom atmosphere. He had studied how merriment decreases pain, elevates the body’s endorphins and increased the effects of natural hormones and medications. He knew the value of meditation and visualization and he had taught those methods to many children including the boy with cancer who eventually ended up accusing him of the unspeakable. Michael did not harm children; Michael Jackson was a healer. Who knows what advances in medicine or the healing arts might have come about by Michael’s underwriting of attending doctors and researchers at Neverland following these cases? The research didn’t happen because the experiment didn’t happen. So thanks to the selfish actions of a few arrogant souls focused only on themselves and their personally invented righteousness and the collective mind of the public conscripted to go along for the ride, children were not healed because the arrogance of a few dark minds led the pack that broke the Neverland Dream. Those who did not know the whole story laughed. Many made fun of the man who knew more than they could ever imagine about how to heal and what alternative and cutting edge technologies worked in bringing about remissions and healings. These are technologies used in major general hospitals today. Michael Jackson was implementing them in the late eighties and the early nineties. The healing center planned for the complex at Neverland Valley Ranch was never built because one selfish man wanted to use Michael Jackson and his generosity toward children for personal gain and in revenge for not getting what he wanted. He wanted Michael Jackson to bankroll his home and career and Michael suspected he was being used and declined. David Nordahl says that Sony was going to financially underwrite the clinic Michael planned to build. He says that a certain individual expected to be a partner in that business and when that didn’t happen, he was enraged and went after Michael with a mad-dog attorney. The money that was to fund the Neverland dream of a family and home centered healing clinic was paid out in an out of court settlement. Later, the boy who made an accusation about Michael with the help of others hired and recruited by his father would file for, and receive, emancipation from his parents. That father would eventually assault his son and become estranged from him, then contract a grave illness and commit suicide shortly after Michael’s death. “We Are the World” 1985 project spearheaded by Michael Jackson that fed most of starving Africa and later, half of the world. The references to Neverland, accusations and money paid out continue to haunt the man’s legacy. But that doesn’t change the truth: The money that was paid out in the 1993 case accusing Michael of harming children was going to pay for the condo healing center for sick and dying children– a gift to them, their parents, and the world from Michael Jackson. It was the Neverland Dream. "

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furederiko · 8 years ago

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I wanted to post this on an earlier date, but my internet has been acting up as usual. Anyway... here's the first Random-News-Digest of April!

Disney Live Action

Following Eva Green, Danny DeVito, and Colin Farrell, another actor has been courted (in talks, not officially cast) by Tim Burton to join his "Dumbo" adaptation. And just like DeVito, this time it's another "Batman" reunion in form of the Batman himself, Michael Keaton. I guess now we only need Michelle Pfeiffer to turn it into a full on unofficial reunion, huh?

Keaton, who will soon be seen showcasing his antagonistic persona as Spider-Man's villain in July, is said to be offered yet another antagonistic role for "Dumbo". Namely, "an asshole circus owner with a taste for exploiting elephants". Looks like, he might the one who will be playing Vandemere after all, and not Farrell as I've previously speculated. For now, there isn't any official announcement surrounding the movie, so we'll have to wait and see whether any of these actors would sign up or not.

As for "Mulan", looks like it will contain songs after all. Niki Caro talked to Cinema Blend, and stated that "The live-action is based on that inspirational Chinese ballad and on the animated Disney classic. We're still exploring the role that music's going to play in it, but for sure there will be music.". Caro cautioned though, that the project is "very much a fluid project" for the time being, so we won't be hearing any specific details about it soon. Especially because she's currently busy promoting "The Zookeeper's Wife". Her desire is to make sure that the culture of the movie and character will be reflected appropriately. Let's just hope that it will end up becoming a musical like "Beauty and the Beast", because well, if it's not, then I'll probably go back and re-watch the animated original instead. It just wouldn't feel the same without the iconic songs, right? It would just another Mulan adaptation, like those many others that have come before this. After all, one doesn't need a "Reflection" to know that, the animated version was already "A Girl Worth Fighting For"... ;D

Disney Animation

"Wreck-It Ralph" was a special animated movie for me, because it combined the magic of Disney with the charm of classic 8-bit video games. After his adventure with Vanellope von Schweetz ended in the first movie, it seems Wreck-It Ralph was poised for a happy ending. But he will soon be taking on something bigger than just the arcade where he lives in. That's because during CinemaCon, the House of Mouse officially announced that the sequel is now titled "Ralph Breaks the Internet: Wreck-It Ralph 2". The movie has also been given an official release date of March 9th, 2018. Which is less than a year away!

The 'Internet' bit shouldn't sound that much surprising, since the already revealed concept art has shown the two lead characters walking through spoofed names or icons of various popular websites and/or apps. The synopsis offically said, that Ralph, and possibly Vanellope will be lost in the Internet Data Space when a WiFi router gets plugged in. I think it's very likely that Ralph's game might end up becoming an app or some sort at the ending of this sequel. Perhaps even becoming a worldwide popular one. If that actually happens, don't forget, you've heard it here first, okay! LOL. John C. Reilly and Sarah Silverman are returning to voice Ralph and Vanellope, alongside Jane Lynch and Jack McBrayer who will be reprising their roles as Sergeant Calhount and her legal husband Fix-It Felix, Jr. Other confirmed cast include Jodi Benson, James Corden, Ana Ortiz, and also Alan Tudyk, with roles unknown for the time being. Tudyk used to play the antagonist in the first movie, but might be voicing a totally different character this time. Since he has become a regular voice actor for Disney Animation, taking part in all recent releases so far (even in form of a dumb rooster). I'm crossing my fingers that the sequel will be as fun and heartfelt, if not even better than the first.

Death Note

Hollywood's adaptation of "Ghost in the Shell" had unfortunately underperformed at the box office. Thanks to that, Paramount shifts the blame towards the critics for being more concerned about the movie's whitewashing controversy, rather than other aspects of the movie. To be honest though, while I haven't seen the movie myself, I've heard what the primary issue is all about. Admittedly, the way this version's story chose to tell the origin of the Major, felt more than just giving finger to the particular issue. It somehow didn't learn to avoid it, and instead ATTRACTED the exact criticism instead. In doing so, I doubt even Mamoru Oshii's approval could rescue the movie now.

Problem is, the same whitewashing issue has begun to migrate towards another title. This time, it's about adaptation for another Japanese story. You already know what category this is being talk about, so yes, it's "Death Note". In this case, because the main character Light Yagami has been renamed into Light Turner, and is played with a white actor in Nat Wolff. An adjustment the creators made, having the setting relocated to Seattle, Washington in this version.

If you ask me, this kind of criticsm is a bit bullish and exaggerated. A totally different situation to "Ghost in the Shell". I mean, like several horror movies like 'The Ring" or "The Grudge", stories like "Death Note" has more flexible ability to be told in a universal way. So forcing Asian American for the role doesn't sound justified, and felt more like a political agenda. If you look at it from business point of view, would the american adaptation work better if they use Asian-American actor as the lead? I don't think that's the case. Beside, it's more than just about Wolff, because apparently there are criticism aimed towards African-American actor Keith Stanfield, who will be portraying Light's foe, the elusive L. Those who are already familiar with the source material should understand that Light is the true 'bad guy', while L is in fact the 'good guy'. Now I can't help but wonder why Stanfield is even criticised for playing a protagonist, then. I mean, imagine a louder criticism should a white American fill that part instead. Should an Asian-American plays L as well? That would be selfish if you ask me, because once again, the character L is not bound for a certain race. Oh well, here's hoping "Death Note" will have a better luck than "Ghost in the Shell". Or those other adaptations for Japanese stories that Hollywood has attempted in the past. As I said, the two movies are a whole different scenario, and it wouldn't be fair to judge one using a similar parameter...

DC Films

Joss Whedon is writing and directing "Batgirl" for Warner Bros? The same guy who was previously turned down when he submitted a draft for "Wonder Woman"? WOW! Yup, that's the news that has been taking the world by storm since last week. Look at how the mighty (talking about WB of course) has fallen. Also, look at all those so-called 'devoted DC' fans who bashed Whedon for his critically and financially acclaimed "The Avengers". Who are now speechless to read that WB is now asking the help of the guy they hated the most. This heavily proved that WB is definitely course-correcting their DCEU or whatever it is you want to call it. It's even better news to know that they are humble enough to start looking outside of their studio's regulars. Key to creating something amazing, is by trusting it to the right person, not just someone who's available on their camp. Moreso, taking someone who used to work for their competitor, is a huge humble step as well. A sign of change. A smart one at that, due to Whedon's style of storytelling.

Eventhough it's said to be in final stages, deal is not set just yet. So things can still turn for the worse. I do however wish that the two sides will come into agreement. In fact, I think WB should just hire Whedon to be the creative consultant for the whole DCEU, and kick Zack Snyder, David Goyer, and others alongside their dark gritty tone far far away to oblivion. Forget "The Justice League", "Batgirl" is the movie everyone should be waiting for! The one that might inspired hope, optimism, and heroics, instead of angst and darkness. Now if they can get another great director for "Nightwing", I might just be really excited for the DC Films. Something I've been waiting to say for suuuuch a long time.

But Whedon's not the only one making news last week. James Wan and his lead actor Jason Momoa, as well as other cast and directors like Patty Jenkins took part on WB's presentation at CinemaCon on March 30th. And well, they've made some news about their respective movies. Wan delivered a reel of production art for "Aquaman", and succeeded in getting positive response from attendees. According to reports, Atlantis looked promising, and surrounded itself with massive sea creatures that was inline with a 'swashbuckling adventure' Wan had promised. This catapulted the movie to sit among Variety's top 5 Buzzmeter of the event. While her movie only made it real close to the same Top 10, Jenkins delivered new footage for "Wonder Woman" that received positive reaction from the same crowd too. Response for "The Justice League" footage might be the least positive of them all, as Variety even noted that the movie still felt "like a joyless affair" despite being filled with humor. No news surrounding "The Batman", and even Christopher Nolan refused to talk about it. LOL.

Does this mean "Aquaman" might be the surprise hit that WB and DC is waiting for? Will the tepid response for "The Justice League" translate into similar mediocre box office projection? We all need to remember, that movies like "Man of Steel" to "Suicide Squad" did get positive word of mouth during its production phase, but ultimately ended up as divisive if not totally disappointing affairs. My point is, it's safe to say, that when it comes to DC Films, nothing can be 100% certain. So I guess we'll just have to wait and see how these movies perform...

SONY Marvel Universe

You must be thinking, didn't I used the term "Spider-Man Universe" for this same category before? That's true, but starting with this one, I've officially changed it into "SONY Marvel Universe". Why? Because highly likely it won't even have a Spider-Man in it. So it would be wrong to call it so. And it's not just because Tom Holland's Spider-Man would be existing in an entirely separate universe, or that this one will not take place in that particular Marvel universe. But because SONY's specific universe might get a different rating as well. At the very least, "Venom" will not be a PG-13 movie, but an R-rated one.

I wonder if SONY is inspired by FOX and their R-rated superhero movies for this decision? I just hope that they are not getting the wrong message about FOX's success, though. I mean, sure, Venom has the potential for a gruesome and violent R-rated movie. But I also feel that the character would also work nicely in a PG-13 setting, and will obviously appeal to much bigger audience. So why bother going R-rated with one, right? Anyway, right now, Dante Harper of "Alien: Covenant" is writing the movie, and Avi Arad and Matt Tolmach are producing. The real challenge, is working with the character's origin story in a Spider-Man-less universe. After all, Venom practically copied most of its appearance and powersets from a Spider-Man, so a universe without the friendly neighbourhood spider would be odd. If SONY can nail that issue, then perhaps the movie's going to work...

Universal Monster Shared Universe

Universal has released the 2nd official trailer for "The Mummy". This one was... okay, I'll be honest, I haven't seen it yet. And it's intentional, because I already have enough curiousity for this movie, that I would definitely check it anyway. Mainly because of Russell Crowe though, because I'm completely eager to see him becoming Mr Hyde. According to Birth.Movies.Death, this trailer was confusing to understand. Which can be a good thing, because it's meant to catch people off guard. Anyway, the movie will arrive very soon, as the start of many other Monster movies to come. I won't be checking them all, but if Tom Cruise can somehow convince me with this first movie, I might end up seeing the rest as well. Hollywood do need a good and working Cinematic Universe after Marvel's, right?

Conjuring Shared Universe

Wait... WHAT? I just realized that the Annabelle movie, has been branded as part of "Conjuring Shared Universe"! I didn't even know that a horror franchise can have its own Shared Universe, nor that the studio has been planning for one. I mean, does it even make sense? LOL.

Putting that issue aside, the first official trailer for "Annabelle: Creation" has hit the internet. And well, since I thought the first movie was rather weak and poorly written, I'm not too keen on this one too. As the title suggests, this movie will serve as a prequel or some sort to that first movie. One which unfortunately, is completely fictionized, as Birth.Movies.Death has pointed out with their research. Which is too bad, because turning it into fiction was what caused the first movie to be... well, disappointing. I honestly thought a prequel would adapt the true origin story of the real life cursed-doll, but I guess the director David F. Sandberg, and producers were too scared to even attempt such thing.

But you know what? The 'Shared Universe' thing is real. Because there's another spin-off movie in the works right now. "The Nun" (though that's just a title I made up tentatively for the sake of this essay), is the next in the "Conjuring" line. Focusing on the creepy nun character from "The Conjuring 2", this movie sounds like a prequel or some sort as well. Corin Hardy is set to direct the movie, and actor Demián Bichir has been cast to play a Priest. A priest who is sent from Rome to investigate the mysterious death of a nun. Probably the same nun who became a ghost, or another nun who has seen the ghost nun, and got... Okay that's confusing. We'll likely hear more about this project, because it has a Summer 2018 release date. Who knows, perhaps in 2019, it will team up with Annabelle to take on a powerful titan from space...

Hasbro Universe

Oookay, I've completely forgotten that we're getting this... uhm, Universe as well. You know, the one that will pit Hasbro's toylin... I mean franchises into one giant cohesive world. So we'll be seeing the gang of "M.A.S.K." meeting up with the "Transformers", or "ROM the Space Knight" bumping heads against the "G.I. Joe" members. And all kinds of those crossovers. So far, we've only seen "Transformers" being turned into its own universe though, with the upcoming "Transformer: The Last Knight" and that Bumblebee movie. So I'm not sure when this bigger idea, or dream will even come to fruition.

But it might happen soon. Why? Simon Waters, in charge of consumer product for Hasbro Studios, said to L.A. Times that there's going to be "a much more contemporary approach to the whole franchise, and that will allow us to develop different characters". What franchise was he talking about? "G.I. Joe"! You know, the one that starred Channing Tatum in its first movie, before he was seemingly killed off and replaced by Dwayne Johnson in the sequel. Does this mean we're getting a reboot soon? Hmmm... Waters' words sounded like shallow waters. I mean, why not go ahead with the existing one by revamping the next movie to fit a larger universe? That would be more convenient and effective. But let's give this a benefit of doubt, because a reboot might prove to be... better. Possibly...

Marvel Studios

And we've finally arrived on the last movie category, but also the first (or at least the first successful one) Cinematic Universe that inspired it all. And when I say all, I mean the 5 categories above this, without including other existing ones being openly/secretly planned out there! *sigh*. For now, nothing beats the Marvel Cinematic Universe. And that's probably why it has a loaded of fresh news almost every week!

Let's start with "Spider-Man: Homecoming"! Embargo for set visit reports have been lifted, and that's why we've got plenty of new and in some way rather spoilery information about the movie. But before we go there, go ahead and check out the 2nd official trailer that concluded those triple-posters release last week. Uhm... then again, perhaps abort that thought, because while it looked more fantastic and action-packed than the first, this particular trailer seemed to have shown a little TOO MUCH and might ruin your movie experience instead. This one felt similar to the case of "Beauty and the Beast", which included its entire (or mostly anyway) plot in one chronological sizzle reel! Unless the entire thing was a clever ruse, this wasn't something that Marvel Studios is known to do. So I can only assume SONY's pulling the strings on this one. But trust me, if you haven't seen it, it would be better if you don't. Because you might be startled to see Robert Downey Jr.'s Iron Man's major significance in it. As if he's the secondary lead character of the movie, and not just a random tech provider!

Sure, if we look at it optimistically, that means "Homecoming" is deeply rooted as important part of the MCU. But that might be a problem too, because we're not really sure how long the agreement between Marvel Studios and SONY will last. Particularly, when SONY seems intent to build their own separate universe using the Spider-Man characters. SONY's CinemaCon presentation only added more doubts and concerns about this fan-pleasing collaboration. After announcing that a sequel is already in the works, and will be part of the MCU, producer Amy Pascal mentioned that the future of the wall-crawler remains 'uncertain' afterwards. This statement had a negative impact, as many sites immediately began reporting that Tom Holland's Spider-Man will depart the MCU after "Homecoming". A certain gossip site even claimed SONY's new boss Tom Rothman is not pleased about this deal, due to the extra cost of having Gwyneth Paltrow's return as Pepper Potts. Truth is, Pascal did NOT state it that way. So it's just another classic case of quick assumption and misinterpretation, right? And rest assured, as noted and reasoned by Forbes, Holland WILL remain a part of the MCU for at least 3 more films in the future. At least until 2020. This include direct solo sequels to "Homecoming" (the next one is set to be out in 2019), as well as appearances in a Marvel Studios-produced movie. In fact, his involvement in the currently filming "Avengers: Infinity War", is already an extension of the initial contract between both Studios.

Now on to the set visit reports and random interviews with the cast and crew then! Holland talked to MTV (via Metro), and confirmed what Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige had mentioned before. That his new Spider-Man movies will be using the 'Harry Potter approach'. In case you forget, or doesn't understand what that's supposed to be, it means when we see his Peter Parker in the 2019 sequel, he'll be just one year older in age, and a 2nd/3rd year student (depending on whether he's currently a freshman or sophomore) in high school. So by the time we get into his third solo movie, he'll be a graduating senior who's about to enter University. The same interview also revealed that Holland can't keep his mouth shout, as if the perfect embodiment of the character Peter Parker in real life.

And not just Holland, even director Jon Watts felt that he too, identified himself as similar to both Parker and Holland. Not in the sense of age, but with the pressure of proving himself in the big world of Marvel Studios. Talking to Variety, Watts admitted that like Parker who's never done anything big and want to prove himself to Stark, that's how he felt while sitting at the directorial chair. Watts was unafraid to show his earnestness on his inexperienced approach, which somehow transferred a similar vibe to the movie. Watts also revealed that he went through a long process of meetings before the folks at Marvel Studios decided to hire him. Owing that to his small movie "Cop Car", that made people turned their heads towards him. It so happens that he was also eager to make a coming-of-age movie as well. So the stars were certainly aligned for him. As for whether he will direct the sequel, he refused to say anything because he wanted to focus on finishing this movie first. However, as proven by fellow directors like James Gunn, the Russo brothers, and Scott Derrickson, if Watts nails "Homecoming", I'm perfectly certain that Marvel Studios and SONY will entrust the next one onto his hand again.

Also, speaking to Fandango after CinemaCon, Watts stated that fans can expect easter eggs about the MCU and Marvel Universe in general in "Homecoming". The license plate of one of the cars in the Ferry scene, is one good example for the small ground-level references we can discover in the movie. Watts confirmed several things as well. Department of Damage Control / DDC, the organization that has been developed as a TV series for quite some time now, will be debuting in the movie. It will play a major role towards the evolution of Michael Keaton's Adrian Toomes into the wrong side of law. Intriguingly, the organization is said to have existed since the aftermath of 2012's "The Avengers". Yes, 'The Battle of New York', or as the Netflix series tend to subtly address it as 'The Incident'! This fact would be depicted in the first few scenes of the film (as reported by Coming Soon, though please exercise caution because the report might be meddling in spoiler territory). "Homecoming" will then address the event in "Captain America: Civil War", as we see Parker and Stark's relationship slowly evolve into a mentor/big-brother figure. And likewise, whatever will happen in "Homecoming" will also bring its own ripple effects towards "Infinity War". Last but not least, Watts confirmed that "Homecoming" will have a post-credit scene, that might possibly link itself towards upcoming Marvel Studios movies. "How disappointing would it be if there was just nothing?", he said.

Michael Keaton talked to Collider, and reiterated about the event that caused Adrian Toomes' building resentment towards Stark. In his opinion, Watts' approach is 'interesting', because in a way his character works as "somewhat of a victim. He takes things in that he feels like a victim, and some of it is justified actually. He believes that there’s an upper echelon of society of people who are getting away with a lot and have everything. And there’s a whole lot of folks who are working hard, and don’t have much". A fact that Keaton likened to the current political climate of America, as well as something personal for himself. He also confirmed Watts' previous statement that Vulture will be an average-joe antagonist, but also added one crucial fact: that Toomes is a father. Perhaps the few Marvel Studios' antagonist with a child on his own (it was hinted that Kaecillius of "Doctor Strange" also had a family), which adds a more sympathetic touch to him. But more than that, Toomes has a loyal crew, particularly Michael Chernus' The Tinkerer, who sounds like will have the potential to show up again in future installments. Who knows, perhaps Marvel Studios is slowly setting up a Sinister Six movie with Vulture, Shocker, and other possible future antagonists? That's certainly a possibility we can't simply dismiss.

Producer Eric Hauserman Carroll added more information about the movie. Speaking to Slash Film, Carroll revealed that the new suit that Stark created specifically for Parker, will have its own unique features. It would naturally contain more gadgets than any other version of Spider-Man suits that has appeared on the big screen, including an A.I. like JARVIS or FRIDAY. The suit will also enable different kind of webbings. Carroll said that there are spinning web, web ball, ricochet, and other stuffs that Stark built into Parker's arsenal, and most of it was done practically. To Coming Soon, Carroll said that Parker will be forced to adjust the glamour life of being part of the Avengers for a very limited time, to then return to a cold crowded daily life of being an outcast. It's a stark contrast of worlds that would help him grow as a singular hero, but also as part of a team, in regards to his connection with Stark. Last but not least, Carrol admitted to Screen Rant (via MCUExchange) that while he would've loved to see Spider-Man interacting with other New York heroes, namely the Netflix's Defenders, fans shouldn't expect them to be referenced in this movie.

For more information from the set visits, like the whereabout of Uncle Ben, Parker's love interest, or the movie's diversity among others (which might spoil the plot, mind you), B.M.D. has kindly put together a quick round-up for our convenience. The site has gathered bits from many sites like IGN, io9, Nerdist, Bustle, Screen Crush, and Slash Film. Go ahead and check out their page directly! You can also start looking for official merchandise for the movie that are starting to hit the market.

...Phewww... that ended up longer than expected!

Let's head on to other movies now. Disney held a presentation at CinemaCon, and among its lineup of information for upcoming movies, confirmed a rather old fan speculation that originated from Variety's report. At that time, actress Letitia Wright was only rumored to be playing T'Challa's half-sister Shuri in the upcoming "Black Panther". Turns out, that's indeed the case, as you can see from the official photo of the main cast.

As has been reported before, Actor Jeremy Renner and Elizabeth Olsen have officially joined the production for "Infinity War" starting this month. Olsen was seen arriving at Edinburgh, Scotland to join Paul Bettany and others. This confirmed that the previous candid scene that was thought to be Scarlett Johansson's Black Widow or her stunt double, might actually be Olsen's Wanda Maximoff after all. This scene got more interesting, because it's clear Scarlet Witch was fighting a staff-wielding mo-cap antagonist, which seemingly attacked Bettany's Vision before. Remember, the staff-wielding CG antagonist might very well be members of the Black Order, like Proxima Midnight or Corvus Glaive. This means that the two Avengers might be taking on the Black Order, instead of fighting one another like in "Civil War". Meanwhile, Renner has arrived in Atlanta, seemingly to join the production that's currently going on in the city as well. The production staff will then move to New York City starting in May.

Guess I better start changing how I write the title because it's officially "Ant-Man & The Wasp". Yes, with an ampersand logogram (check Wikipedia if you don't get what that is). The movie's logo could be seen through a release schedule that Disney presented during CinemaCon. It's the same presentation that revealed Letitia Wright's secret role, as well as title for "Wreck-It Ralph" sequel. Thanks to being absent on "Mission: Impossible 6", Jeremy Renner has now been rumored to be involved in this movie. Considering his Clint Barton's relationship with Paul Rudd's Scott Lang, and the fact that they are both everyday non-superpowered fathers, having him be the third wheel alongside Evangeline Lily's Hope van Dyne DOES make sense if not perfect match. However, it's worth noted that the source of this news, ShowBiz411 could have worded his report by mistake. I mean, perhaps what he meant was "Infinity War" and the UNTITLED 2019 Avengers movie, but wrote "Ant-Man and the Wasp" for the latter instead.

"Thor: Ragnarok"!!! Ah, yes, a quick footage from the movie was showcased during CinemaCon. It showed Chris Hemsworth's Thor Odinson battling together with Mark Rufallo's Hulk against Sakaar's gladiators. Oddly, it's not getting as much buzz as many have predicted. Possibly because Disney delivered a rather weak presentation in the event, to which I assume was intentional as they would likely opt to bring more firepower to its D23 event later this year. What did get bigger buzz however, was a rumor that the first trailer for the movie would be aired alongside the new episode for Marvel's "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D." earlier this week. This, clearly did NOT happen (otherwise I'd be talking about it). Considering the date of the source, it's more likely to be an April Fools prank from the very beginning. Of course, April does work as a perfect timing to drop trailer for a November movie. Both "Doctor Strange" and "Thor: The Dark World" had their first trailers released in April. I'm guessing it will arrive alongside the worldwide premiere of "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2" that will take place in the next weeks. International countries are premiering the movie this very month and not May like in North America!

And we've arrived on the last item of this category. As I said before, "Vol 2" is arriving very soon. But I rarely talk about it recently. What happened? Simple. I've been avoiding any news about it to keep my anticipation in tact. That's why. And you know what? That's probably the wisest move. The moment I stumbled into one of its report, I might have accidentally spoiled myself in advance. BUMMER! Since I've probably had been spoiled, let me spoil others too. So heed this warning, if you're avoiding spoilers, then just casually skip ahead to the next category. Last warning. Still here? Okay, let's continue then...

This time, it's regarding Sylvester Stallone's secret role in the movie. Yes, he walked out of "The Expendables 4", but that's not what I'm going to talk about. Director James Gunn has previously revealed, that Stallone and his friend, actor Michael Rosenbaum, are playing important characters in the MCU. A major Cosmic character, he said. Well, according to an Italian movie site MoviesBook.it (via MCUExchange), Stallone is in fact playing a character by the name Stakar. There's only one Stakar in the Marvel comics, and he goes by the name Stakar Ogord. If that name is still unfamiliar to you as well, then guess what name he is more popularly known as? StarHawk! StarHawk is a member of the original Guardians of the Galaxy comics that was set in the 31st century. His fellow team members are Vance Astro, Charlie-27, Nikki Gold, Martinex, and *drumrolls* Yondu Udonta! Gunn has never been shy from saying that StarHawk is his favorite character, and have always wanted to include him in the sequel. In fact, Kurt Russel was previously rumored to be playing StarHawk, though that has been proven wrong now. So the likelihood of him casting a big star like Stallone as his favorite character, makes perfect sense. As MCUExchange noted, there's a possibility of Rosenbaum portraying Gunn's version of Martinex T'Naga, and Sharon Stone playing Nikki Gold. With a working title suspiciously titled 'Guardians 3000', and that Quill will be needing assistance from 'fan-favorite characters from the classic comics, things suddenly makes sense and comes full circle. Beside, with Gunn already revealing Ego as Quill's father, surely there are other surprises he has installed in the movie, right? For now, this is still purely rumor and speculation, but if it does come true, then we might be seeing two sets of Guardians of the Galaxy in the movie. And that's going to be a blast...

Marvel TV

The first synopsis for Marvel's "The Inhumans" have been unveiled, and to many fans, it sounds rather concerning. Why? Go ahead and read it for yourself: "After the Royal Family of Inhumans is splintered by a military coup, they barely escape to Hawaii where their surprising interactions with the lush world and humanity around them may prove to not only save them, but Earth itself.".

What's the problem with that, you wonder? The core problem is, the show likely won't be taking place in Attilan, which was what many fans have anticipated. The concern also comes on the heels of the critical failure of one Marvel's "Iron Fist", a show that shares the exact same showrunner in Scott Buck. While it does resemble the plot of the first "Thor" movie, the same fish-out-of-water story was also used in "Iron Fist". As in, a show that chose to abandon K'un-L'un and its vast mystical lore, and instead focus on the corporate happenings in... New York. Change the setting into Hawaii, and have Black Bolt and the other Royal families in the run, and you've got yourself the exact same situation. I personally think it's disappointing to have a full-on Inhumans show taking place on Earth. The Royal Family belongs in Attilan, a fictional city that needs to be explored into details. Just like the Guardians in their far away cosmic adventure, or Thor in his Asgardian Nine-Realms, kicking the Inhumans Royal Family out of their native home already sounds like a HUGE mistake. We don't need that kind of plot, leave that to when a crossover is needed. We need a "Game of Thrones"-esque twist that takes place in Attilan, among the Inhumans. Take cue from "Emerald City" that spend only the first and last episode on Earth. I'll still give this show the benefit of doubt just to be fair, but to be completely honest, my interest level has fallen significantly low now. This already sounds like such a waste of potentials! Let's hope it won't vanish into thin air when the show eventually arrive.

Marvel's "Cloak and Dagger" is set to premiere in Winter 2018 on the Freeform network. We now have additional information about this series, that it's going to be a 10-episodes series. I think this is a good amount, considering the series will be required to have special effects in portraying Tandy and Tyrone's super powers. Cutting the episodes, means more budget can be allocated for VFX. "Legion" and "Emerald City" are good example of this, as they succeeded in delivering the exact visuals needed for their story. So fans can rest easier, because at the very least, the embarassing case of 'replace Shou-Lau the Undying with two red light bulbs, just because the studio don't have money for CG' (that brought a certain degree of anger among the fanbase), is highly unlikely to happen again. At least not in this show. Seriously, I hope Netflix starts to realize this critical and crucial flaw right away. As for the plot, it has also been confirmed that it will focus on character and emotion, because "It tells of a romance between Tandy and Tyrone in a way that we haven’t really seen before in a Marvel TV series". So that's what differentiate this Freeform show, from the other ones, right?

What other one? Yep, let me make it clear. 'This Freeform show' wasn't referring as singular. Because surprise, surprise, turns out "Cloak and Dagger" won't be the only new show debuting on Freeform. Marvel's "New Warriors" has been greenlit for the same network as well! Kevin Biegel is closing a deal to write and serve as showrunner for Marvel TV's first scripted sitcom. This 10-episodes 30-minutes show will serve as a vehicle to bring one famous Marvel comics character into her first live action adaptations. Doreen Green, or more familarly known as Squirrel Girl! Apparently, Freeform "had chased Squirrel Girl before Cloak and Dagger", because "We are a network for young adults but we're proud we're No. 1 with young women and we want to find characters who speak to them. There's a reason we chased Squirrel Girl: she embodies all of that". But apparently Marvel made them wait before giving the clearance. Looks like Marvel finally gave in.

And Doreen won't be alone. New Warriors consists of other young people with special abilities. As noted by The Hollywood Reporter, "New Warriors revolves around six young people with powers living and working together. With powers and abilities on the opposite end of the spectrum of The Avengers, the New Warriors want to make a difference in the world...even if the world isn't ready. With Freeform focused on a group dubbed 'becomers' — those experiencing a series of firsts in life, including first loves and first jobs — New Warriors explores the journey into adulthood, except in this world, they're not quite super and not yet heroes and the guys can be as terrifying as bad dates. The series will feature Marvel fan-favorite Squirrel Girl (aka Doreen Green) as a totally empowering fan girl who is described as tough, optimistic and a natural leader. Doreen is confident and has the powers of a squirrel: she's acrobatic, can fight and talk to other squirrels. Her most important trait is said to be her faith in people and ability to teach them to believe in themselves.". If you're clueless about them, fear not because neither do I. Thankfully, THR has kindly posted a quick article describing who these folks are. It's a convenient read to those who are too lazy/busy to skim through Wikipedia. For the time being however, Freeform is keeping a tight lip in regards of which characters comprising the New Warriors of this show. THR cautioned that the team might not be the same to the comic's version, especially considering Squirrel Girl herself has never been part of it! In fact, this could be an adaptation of the Great Lakes Avengers instead, particularly due to the similarity of the storyline.

I have to admit, I'm feeling a bit mixed about "New Warriors". Why? Because part of me expect Squirrel Girl to show up in a Marvel Studios movie instead. That way, she can be played by an A-list actress (like the loveable Anna Kendrick, for example?), and interact with the Avengers or Spider-Man characters. Not to mention the VFX needed to showcase her power... though it practically only required numerous trained squirrels, really. But the fact that it's a 30-minute of "balls-out comedy" might be the main, if not sole reason that I MIGHT actually see it. The reason? Only 5 episodes in, and I'm already tired of all those teenage angst and drama in "Riverdale". It's too cheesy and exhausting for my adult mind/heart. LOL. With both "Cloak and Dagger" and Marvel's "Runaways" already sounding like an incarnation of that CW series (particularly the latter), it's more than clear than I'll be skipping both no matter how much I've pledged allegiance to Marvel. Comedy on the other hand? That might be right up on my alley. Beside, getting older means you need more laughters to vent away all those extra stress and hardships... XD

One last thing before we move on to the next category. Aaron Sorkin, an Academy and Golden Globe Award winning writer, has apparently been meeting with Marvel and DC for a potential collaboration with either Studios. Sorkin revealed this during CinemaCon. He admitted however, that he's not familiar with comic books, but hopes that there's a comic book character that he's going to love and would want to work on. Since Sorkin's work spanned from TV like "The West Wing" to movies like "The Social Network", this talk could go anywhere, which is why I'm putting it on the TV category instead. I'm not personally familiar of his works, and also his style, but I would love to see a guy as prestigious as him tackling a movie among Marvel's Phase 4. Perhaps, a Moon Knight will be nice? But nothing is certain for now, because he clearly needs to spend some private time to do some personal research first. So I guess we'll just have to wait and find out sooner or later, right?

Netflix

This is not a drill, or an April Fools prank (time for that haD passed anyways)... but a new teaser for the highly anticipated Marvel's "The Defenders" has been released online. But don't be surprised, if it's... well, short and looking odd. After all, it's just a shot of Charlie Cox's Matt Murdock (who is back to wearing his Season 1 head cover again while hillariously donning a business suit), Krysten Ritter's Jessica Jones, Mike Colter's Luke Cage, and Finn Jones' Danny Rand riding down through an elevator together. That's it!

Of course, the main purpose for this quick teaser, was none other than to announce the mini series' official release date. Yes, Netflix has set the mini-series for an August 18th, 2017 premiere. Considering production has wrapped last month, this obviously make a lot of sense. Especially putting into account that the premiere date is more than 1 month after "Homecoming" hits the market. Not just that, an exclusive debut to be showcased during this year's San Diego Comic Con and Disney D23, now sounds highly likely too.

Cox was invited by Boogaloo Radio to talk about his projects just a day before this teaser hit the internet, and he opened up about many things, including details surrounding this mini-series. Turns out, the consequent production for the first two Seasons for Marvel's "Daredevil" sort of worn him out, but since "The Defenders" has four leads, he got more time off when the storyline does not require the presence of his character. Not to mention, stunt double can take over his place during action scenes because he's "the only one that has a mask". That's a statement that easily provoked further disappointment of fans who have been expecting to see Danny Rand following suit with his iconic costume. Is Netflix really embarassed about Iron Fist's costume? Cox revealed that a new stunt team was brought specifically for this show, and confirmed that Drew Goddard is indeed involved as a consultant, aside from writing 1 or 2 episodes. As for a crossover with the movie side's Avengers, Cox only said that the future is still very much open for it to happen.

One important tidbit that he revealed during the talk, was that he will begin filming the 3rd Season for "Daredevil" later this year! This shouldn't be a surprise, since the new season was already announced July last year. This practically confirmed that it will arrive next year. Possibly following the 2nd season of Marvel's "Jessica Jones", which had just started production earlier this week, and before the 2nd season of Marvel's "Luke Cage". Unless... Netflix decides to push Jon Bernthal's Marvel's "The Punisher" back from Fall 2017 to be the first title in 2018, which technically shifts everything else behind.

As for "Jessica Jones", it's still unclear what kind of storyline it will take on, nor what antagonist she will face since Kilgrave has been killed. Perhaps, the mysterious character that Janet McTeer will be playing? One thing for sure, actor Wil Traval has seemingly hinted his return as Will Simpson, a.k.a Rachael Taylor's Trish crazy boyfriend Nuke. So the mystery behind his super enhanced drugs will at least serve as one of the arc of the season. Meanwhile, production is still going deep for "The Punisher", as Bernthal was recently seen with a beaten up make up, alongside a mysterious man that might be Ebon Moss-Bachrach's Micro. As I said above, the initial plan was to have his series arriving as the third Marvel-Netflix show this year. But looking at the release window, the show only has an opening on October or December to avoid bumping into "Thor: Ragnarok". I won't be surprised if it gets pushed to 2018, possibly on January or February. As evidenced by "Voltron Legendary Defender", this practice does sound highly probable for a streaming site like Netflix.

And... speaking of Voltron, a 3rd season was announced during the WonderCon panel last Saturday. Showrunners and some of the voice cast were in attendance, and they revealed that a 3rd season will arrive later this year. The next antagonist is said to be Prince Lotor, as confirmed by Nerdist. I haven't personally finished the 2nd season, using 'savoring the series' as an easy excuse (though I simply didn't have time to bingewatch it, really). So reading that news on Nerdist had sort of spoiled its sad ending. Which was what I've been trying to avoid all these time *sigh*. Regardless of that, it's a great news nonetheless. We need more Voltron anyways, it's a great show...

The Telltale Series

After completing their take on DC's Batman, the Telltale Games' next project has been making a huge buzz ever since it was announced. Why? Because it's Marvel's freaking "Guardians of the Galaxy". Inline with the imminent release of the team's second live action movie, of course people are excited for this too. The company has released the game's first trailer last week, while announcing that the first episode, entitled "Episode One: Tangled Up in Blue" will be available on April 18. Which is just a week before "Vol 2" is released in international markets, and two weeks before it hits North America.

I don't know about you, but for some reason, I'm... NOT feeling this. And this is coming from someone who's actually looking forward to it. Perhaps it's the... weird character design that rubbed me the wrong way? Or the fact that the 'brand new' story will once again deal with "an artifact of unspeakable power"? All I can say is, if the first of five episode already made me doubt it, then it's saying much. But don't let that get you down, because who knows, this could end up becoming unexpectedly charming like the movie, instead of the TV series that sadly grew dull the more I see it.

The game will feature the voice cast of Scott Porter as Star-Lord, Emily O’Brien as Gamora, Nolan North as Rocket, Brandon Paul Eells as Drax, and Adam Harrington as Groot. First episode will arrive on PS4, Xbox One, PC, Mac, iOS and Android for $4.99, while a Season Pass Disc that will grant access for all episodes will be available on May 2 for $29.99. If you're both a Marvel and Telltale Series fan, this might be just what you're looking for.

Final Fantasy XV

First DLC episode for "Final Fantasy XV" that featured Gladiolus as the lead has been released. And well, turns out it wasn't as interesting as many has hoped. While it's fun to actually play Gladio and explore his own unique set of skill, the gameplay of the episode itself was said to be redundant and the story was practically non existent. The reward of the mini quest was not that worthwhile either, and would likely be more pleasing for those who are consider themselves 'devoted' to the character. Suffice to say, the five dollars DLC serve as a fan-service side mission, and nothing else. That might also be the reason why it arrived alongside the fix for that infamous Chapter 13.

Perhaps, the game will fare better with its mobile spin-off then? "Final Fantasy XV: A New Empire", which was developed by Machine Zone's Epic Action has been made available via the App Store. At least... in New Zealand. In this app, fans will be able to explore more of the lore of main game, but presumably in an alternate universe setting. After all, the premise is said to be "Journey through vast kingdoms, gather magical resources, and build the strongest Empire in Final Fantasy history! Build your own kingdom, discover powerful magic, and dominate the realm alongside all of your friends!". As far as I know, this does NOT happen in the main game. So unless it's taking place in the afterlife, it's nothing but a huge what-if scenario. Do go ahead and visit Epic Action's official site to check whether my deduction is correct or not. Will this app be more successful than the main game's DLC then? That remains to be seen. Let's just hope the best for the franchise, shall we...

Nintendo

"Super Mario Run" is Nintendo's first foray into the mobile gaming market. And although the app has attracted attention, apparently, it wasn't as well received as the company have hoped. They have even stated this openly, which was reported through Asia Nikkei. Interestingly, fans aren't surprised with this result, because the pricing and lack of gameplay are more than enough to justify such lack of interest. Problem is, they aren't changing their premium-priced approach any time soon. Turns out, the mobile market has always been a secondary field compared to their traditional console based sales. Especially with Nintendo Switch just celebrating its first month. These mobile games are present only to expand brand awareness, and it will continue that way for their next projects.

You know what? If they can find a way to integrate apps like "Super Mario Run", the financially better "Fire Emblem Heroes", and the not-so-hit-anymore but still-popular "Pokemon GO" into Switch, I'm certain the company will see a positive increase of interest for all those things. This shouldn't be a problem, since Switch is already serving as a portable gadget, akin to a Smartphone. Just think about it, the ability to play exclusive Nintendo apps for free on the Switch will undoubtedly boost the hybrid console's sale, while at the same time generating more users to their apps. Come on Nintendo, just do it. This here is wise strategy! Methinks... LOL.

The King of Fighters

That leak has been confirmed! Rock Howard, the son of Geese Howard and disciple of Terry Bogard has debuted in the "KOF" franchise. And if the official trailer is any indication, then he's going to be inhibiting strong traits from those two characters, which is obviously the major element that made him a standout.

Rock, as well as previously announced returning characters Vanessa, Ryuji Yamazaki, and Whip, have been made available through "The King of Fighters XIV" version 2.00 update that was launched several days ago. Said update will include free new stages ("Transcontinental Railroad" and "City Circuit", which you can check out through its own trailer), balance adjustments for existing characters, action record and playback feature in Training Mode, new BGM, bug fixes, and other improvements. In case you forget, the update is free, but the characters are paid DLCs. Each can be purchased for a $5.99 USD, or as a set for a price of $19.99. Head on to SNK-Corp for more details on this huge update.

Do you think SNK will continue to explore this game, and add even more returning characters in the coming months? Unless they will be moving along to "The King of Fighters XV", this certainly sounds like a possibility. After all, why would they release all 4 characters together when they can easily churn them out one by one every other month. You know, like what CAPCOM is doing with "Street Fighter V". That would've stretched the title for close to 6 months more of software's longetivity, right? At least, adding two more characters, to form two new official Teams with these released four would make a lot of sense. Perhaps both from the "GAROU: Mark of Wolves" franchise, to become Rock's team mates? Of course, that's just my personal wishful thinking, and we'll have to wait and see what move the company will do next to keep the hype high. For now, be thankful that you can enjoy a fun sparring between Rock and his mentor Terry in a "KOF" series now. Which is something that was only possible through the "GAROU" series before...

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