#why do i do this to myself smh

[newjerseydumpster]

Willkommen to Ulmich!

This is the unnecessary consequence of me wanting the protagonist of a shitfic to be a silly german middle aged woman. Please accept this funky little map before I open the exposition floodgates!

General Information

Ulmich is a region in what would be Pokemon's equivalency of Europe. It's pretty much just a yassified PokeGermany. It's in the center of this alleged "PokeContinent," and shares a border with the Kalos region to the west.

The official language of Ulmich is Ulmichan (which is just German), though most Ulmichans are bilingual, fluent in both their native tongue and either Galarian (English), Kalosian (French), or another.

The legendary Pokemon of Ulmich is Bundesaetos, a regal black eagle that Ulmich credits as its founder. Instead of using "Arceus" as a sort of stand-in word for "God," Ulmichans will often use "Bundesaetos" instead. This is not to say Bundesaetos usurps Arceus as a God, but rather that it's such an important piece of Ulmichan culture that it warrants its own everyday use.

Despite this, Bundesaetos hasn't been sighted in quite some time.

Cities [In Order of Population]

Zergen is the capital of Ulmich, as well as its most populated city. It's the industrial, financial, and government heartland of the region, a true concrete jungle if the country ever had one. This city is quite fast-paced and crowded, so cars aren't the most effective form of transportation. Instead, Zergen's got quite the underground transit system, providing commuters access to most of the city.

Additionally, Zergen is home to Zergen International Airport (ZIA), and Zergen University, among others. As far as the Pokemon League goes, Zergen has no gyms, nor is it the home of the Elite Four - but it's a must on the bucket list for tourists!

Waldig is the second most populated city in Ulmich but definitely has Zergen beat in terms of trade. It's the one Ulmich city that's right on the sea. Besides ingoing cargo ships from Galar, Kalos, or Paldea, Waldig has quite a lovely maritime beachfront and a shockingly successful cruise industry! Waldig is home to Ulmich's first and easiest gym, specializing in Water-type Pokemon.

Schwassberg is the third most populated city in Ulmich, which is quite ironic considering its placement in the more treacherous reaches of the region. However, it's mostly unperturbed by the Stahlgrenze Range due to its placement juuuust outside of its boundaries. Schwassberg residents are noticeably more laid-back than most other Ulmichans, and this is exemplified best in their world-renowned annual beer festival (Yes, we're talking Oktoberfest). You're gonna see a lot of silly Unovans come to Schwassberg for a keg or two.

Schwassberg hosts the eighth and final gym, as well as the most difficult. Considering the range that surrounds it, it's appropriate that the gym specializes in the Steel-type.

Munseedorf, lying right by the heart of the West Munsee River, is home to lovely scenery alongside the calming sounds of Munsee's current. Being closest to Kalos, a lot of Munseedorf's population is fluent in Kalosian, and the general culture is much more mixed between Kalos and Ulmich than in other parts of the region. Munseedorf houses the sixth gym, specializing in Grass-type Pokemon.

Strossem borders the Kitzberg Range to the east. As such, the city provides lovely, albeit daunting views of Mt. Kleinkrieg. Known for the "Strossem Sausage" and a thriving skiing industry, the city's doing quite well for itself. Strossem is home to the seventh gym in the Pokemon League lineup, specializing in the Bug-type.

Nachtfurt is the closest to what you could consider smack-dab in the middle of the region. It is widely considered as the "garden city" of Ulmich, as even the most urbanized squares of Nachtfurt are sprawling with gardens and forest cover. It's definitely got a gothic academia vibe. Nachtfurt is home to the fifth gym, which specializes in Ghost-type Pokemon.

Vechtwald, aside from Zergen, must be Ulmich's most blatantly historic city. Walking around the central streets will display a centuries-long myriad of architecture, from the newest marketplace to the oldest cathedral. Vechtwald is home to the second Pokemon gym, working with Dark-types.

Rosenschen is a city caught in the aridest part of Ulmich. Surrounded by the Rosenkranz Desert and Norwuste Range, Bundesaetos knows that it's a bit hard for things to grow. Citizens make it work, though, capitalizing on a sort of cowboy aesthetic to attract tourism. Rosenschen's gym is fourth in the League lineup, focusing on the Ground-type.

Mecklenstadt is the ninth and final city of note in the Ulmich Region. While it's not a buzzing metropolis, Mecklenstadt is quaint and historic, a much less busybodied rendition of Zergen. The city itself is probably best known for both its many Pokemon sanctuaries alongside its monopoly on Ulmich's northeastern beachfront. Mecklenstadt houses the third gym in the Ulmich League, Dragon-type in nature.

Towns and Villages

Rodenheim is the northernmost settlement in the Ulmich Region, situated at the very crest. It's like Waldig, but a much more downsized and rural version. If Ulmich were a game, Rodenheim would be the player's hometown.

Nordmund is primarily known as a fun art town. Have you got a love of gardens, old imperial palaces, and chocolate? Nordmund's got you covered, so long as you can put up with pretentious hipsters.

Kirchatz is very similar to Vechtwald in the old architecture field, minus the city aspect or secularism. Kirchatz people tend to be pretty religious, so if you're an Arceus-fearing fellow then I suppose you'd be right where you ought to be. For the rest of us, it's a bit awkward - but at least the churches look pretty.

Kalingen is a glorified rest stop. I believe in Kalingen slander.

Augureich, sitting right at the base of Ulmich's highest peak, is a village absolutely pelted by rain and snow. Augureich's a mining town, to be sure, but it's also full of spirituality and mystique. Legends say that Augureich was the birthplace of Bundesaetos. If you manage to outlast the blizzard on the way, here's to hoping you have enough money for a monk!

Gipfelitz, Ulmich's southwesternmost point, is the home of the Pokemon League itself. That's right - this little place is where the Elite Four and Champion conduct business. In Gipfelitz, upon a horizontal mountain face, belies a massive cathedral: The Pokemon League building. Walk right on in! If you dare.

Waterways

River Munsee is Ulmich's longest river, spanning out to reach across much of the northern and central reaches. Because of its shape, Munsee is divided into two parts: East and West Munsee. These rivers are vital for the prosperity of Munseedorf, Nachtfurt, Nordmund, Vechtwald, Strossem, and Kalingen.

Brandewitz River is the lifeline of Zergen and Waldig, and certainly the busiest waterway in the region as a result. Both cities use Brandewitz to ship their cargo to and from their ports, as well as the rest of Ulmich through smaller channels.

Herald River is the most straightforward river geographically speaking, but it's a lot more turbulent than Munsee or Brandewitz, with rapids in some areas that will not hesitate to knock you down. Schwassbergians really love to paddle around in it though, so I guess it's not so bad.

Mountains and Deserts

Rosenkranz Desert is the one and only desert (or prairie area, for that matter) in the Ulmich Region. In real life, Germany doesn't have any deserts - at least not truly, but south of Berlin (or Zergen, in this case) lies a pocket of pseudo-desert area referred to as the Lieberoser Desert. Rosenkranz is based on that pocket, though a lot drier. While not a sand dune type of desert, it's an area more similar to a desertified prairie land.

Norwuste Range is Ulmich's third tallest range. There's not much to write home about other than it being much tamer than Kitzberg or Stahlgrenze. Not to mention drier.

The Kitzberg Mountain Range is Ulmich's second tallest range altogether, and home to the second tallest peak in Ulmich: Mt. Kleinkrieg. The peak's name, meaning "little war," is well deserved, considering how dangerous it can really be to climb. While not as tall as Augureich, it's imposing on its own. Climbers, please perform your due diligence.

The Stahlgrenze Mountains are Ulmich's tallest range, housing Mt. Augureich, the region's highest summit. If Kleinkrieg's a freakshow, then wait till you see Augureich. The thing's surrounded by a nonstop blizzard, and if that wasn't bad enough, it also happens to be an active volcano. You see, unlike Kleinkrieg, there is NO climbing Augureich. Should you ever decide to ignore my warnings and climb the glorified death rock anyway, here's to hoping the monks in the town can give you a blessing or two before you depart. Happy days!

I've been working at this for two hours at the VERY least so I'm gonna tap out now. But if you're seeing this, thanks for sticking around! I bringeth upon thee a star sticker ⭐

[fangirlwithasweettooth]

note to self: don’t reread the one part of The First To Die At The End that you know will make you inconsolably sad when you’re already not in a great headspace 🥲

[egophiliac]

I feel like F/P/S was still a pretty weird one, even by Lance's standards.

sorry for (in an ironic twist) not doing much Ride Kamens art now that it's actually started; I've been pretty slow going through it and I feel weird posting about things I'm not caught up on! though I'm. definitely gonna have to set aside some time to actually get through episode 13, after what they posted today. (w-what did they do to my Leon) (NOBODY TELL ME I HAVE TO FIND OUT ON MY OWN) (LEOOOOOOOON)

[halorocks1214]

I WOULD DIE FOR PEARLBOT

[blu-ish]

Wait till he finds out.

based on this interview lmao

[fletchlings-bow]

this was so so hard to photograph but I did it! put @korruptbrekker 's paganini fanart onto a pumpkin. because why not.

anyway!!! thanks so much for letting me do this, it was a lot of fun and i got to stretch my pumpkin carving skills to their limits (and beyond, tbh)

[hellogoodbyeitsme]

Broke: Damian is bad at being a Robin because he's too violent

Woke: Damian is bad at being a Robin because he's afraid to hurt people

[helpimstuckposting]

Steve who finds a cute guy online but his bio says he’s a musician and loves writing and people who are into literature but Steve’s a shit writer and really wants to impress this guy. So he gets Robin to write all of his messages for him and they’re sweet and poetic and Eddie always tells him he loves his messages and how amazing his writing is.

Steve keeps feeling guiltier and guiltier the more he falls for this guy, can’t help but feel like he’s completely catfishing even though it’s his profile and he doesn’t know how to come clean and risk losing Eddie but he knows he has to. He keeps coming up with excuses why they can’t meet because Steve knows he’d sound like an idiot in person and keeps spiraling about the stupid situation he got himself into

[dapg-otmebytheballs]

Easter baking with Becky Jessica and Philipa Pleaaase!!!!!!

[dororoxpenana]

Local man flirts with wife on forest date 🌿

Context: Bruno and María got set up on a little date by their family members to help rekindle their romance. Awkward flirting ensues and lots of blushing 🤭

[cwarscars]

me quoting american psycho - "i dont think i can control myself."

[foxedfriend]

9-1-1 || 7x04

here before buddie canon!! 😜😜

(🤡🤡🤡)

also currently listening to bad omens by 5sos and that exactly describes how i feel about this.

[ford-ye-fiji]

being your father’s favorite child is a burden not often talked about

[pastelaspirations]

So, u h.

H O W. HOW, I ASK. ALL I DO IS POST ART ONCE IN A BLUE MOON AND MAKE REALLY CURSED REBLOGS. LIKE, I'M SO VERY GLAD YOU'RE HERE, BUT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND HOW OR WHY YOU'RE HERE-

I also like. Make really angsty, ungodly long fanfics that I do absolutely nothing to promote on this dumpster fire of a blog, but that's besides the point- ANYWAY. HAVE SOME REALLY SKETCHY DOODLES THAT I DID TO THANK YA MAD LADS ;_;

Thank ya, thank ya, you absolute mad lads. I will uh... continue to do what I do. Thank you for joining the ride, even though it's less of a ride and more that I found an abandoned theme park ride and decided to ride it as a prolonged death wish and you inexplicably strapped yourself in next to me with the moldy seatbelt-

[worlds-end-discotheque]

excuse me while I add a third Disco Elysium OC to my roster...

God, I love how this game is written. It's so fun to just... make little blorbos based on how Harrier du Bois' fucked up brain voices will see them. A heehee. Giggle.

Anyway, enjoy~ He's still being developed, but I hope this teaser will tide some of yous over <3

~~~

VISUAL CALCULUS: A young man. No older than his late 20s. 172 centimeters, approximately 68 kilograms. Bright, outgoing-- probably has loads of friends.

LOGIC: Someone this popular doesn't take for a solo flâneur.

ENCYCLOPEDIA: "Flâneur"-- the coolest of the cool, but in that introspective, cool international poet way. A person without chains or concerns, wandering the urban paths for no better reason than the city has solid ground and the flâneur has feet. Basically, this kid is flâneuring right now-- aimlessly milling about, simply for the pleasure of it.

HALF-LIGHT: Or so he says.

CONCEPTUALIZATION: What kind of crowd would someone this cool and casual draw?

1. What does he look like?

Me. I'm his crowd. He rolls with guys like me.

Seems like a pop-collared prick if you ask me. I don't even need to see him to smell it. Elitism, baby.

Why do we care? We're just asking directions.

PERCEPTION: Now, remember-- you can't determine everything there is to know about a guy based on how he looks, brother.

LOGIC: But we can guess.

PERCEPTION: Sure. He's got a lot of pockets. A dark, snug-fitting ribbed tank top. A t-shirt, cropped at the ribs. A heavy-duty canvas worker's jacket, again with lots of pockets. A bandana around his neck. Work gloves, a duffel bag - so many pockets - and a good, strong pair of leather work boots.

SHIVERS: Hang on. Something isn't right here.

HALF-LIGHT: This whole time, you've been listening to his casual directions, the Lieutenant jotting each one down with quiet affirmations of 'mhm' or 'what's next?' You've been looking at him, haven't even taken your eyes off him.

SHIVERS: But neither has he.

HALF-LIGHT: He's been watching you, watching him.

[SKILL CHECK: COMPOSURE -- GODLY: SUCCESS] You manage to look almost bored, lazily passing your eyes over him again, paying extra attention to what you see.

PERCEPTION: We missed something.

CONCEPTUALIZATION: He runs with an alternative crowd. But not with them. This kid doesn't have an air of popularity-- it's infamy. Look at his bootstraps.

ENCYCLOPEDIA: Revolutionary groups often adopt subtle signs to recognize one another in the wild, especially when expressing a certain view or lifestyle which may invite dangerous interactions. This young man is gritty, savvy in your Marazovian sociopolitical lingo. He's a comrade, of the working class.

HALF-LIGHT: No. Not a comrade. He may not be a fascist, but he's not quite our friend.

PERCEPTION: Check his boots again.

CONCEPTUALIZATION: Blue laces. For the code.

ESPRIT-DE-CORPS: Cop-killer.

[rowanisawriter]

im now writing AUs so fuckin obscure that even finding a single snippet to share for a wip whenever without more than a paragraph of accompanying context is impossible…..