#why do I think it might be doctored?
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me in big fandoms: oh cool, it's so active and there's so many people to vibe with, this is amaz-
*finds my niche angle that appeals to approximately six people*
me: okay, folks, it's you and me now
#doctor who#shaun temple#doctor x donna#donna noble#fourteen x donna#doctordonna#fourteendonna#donna x shaun#this used to be how romantic doctordonna felt back in the day#but now it's wanting to know why shaun is how shaun is#like why are you THAT chill with all this#what life experiences have led you to this place#and where the lines where he would actually get frustrated with the doctordonna shenanigans are#coming up with a reason is more interesting than just blaming it on a flaw in the writing#though that absolutely may be what it is#why he can seem a bit flat#because rtd does not have a great history with black characters#for the record#i respect the different takes#mostly#but i always seem to do this with something#and overall i think donna might have a more complicated time adapting to the new situation than either shaun or the doctor#but let's not reduce shaun to a cardboard cutout
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Losing my shit about this article in which a transphobic Tory was so busy panicking about existing in the vicinity of a Trans that she almost certainly misheard "jeans" as "penis" and decided that not only was this a problem with the other woman, but also that the world must be informed of this pressing danger.
"a trans woman! I had to stand directly behind her....I thought, 'this is going well', I'm handling The Situation fine'..."
translated: I saw a tall woman with broad shoulders. How would I get out of this alive? I thought. she has a PENIS. PENIS PENIS PENIS. through some force of PENIS I mean will I managed to PENIS behave normally towards her. My hands were PENIS PENIS PENIS shaking as I tried to dry them. summoning up all my PENIS courage I said 'dryer's crap innit'. she turned to me and said " yeah I'm just goiPENIS PENIS PENIS"
It's been a week and I'm still shaking. This proves trans women are the problem and I'm not weird. I'm fine. It's fine. If you think about it I'm the hero hePENIS!!!!!
very this
#red said#it's just. I'm obsessed.#everyone on Twitter is saying 'never happened' and i think they're wrong#this absolutely did happen and she's been obsessing over how vindicated it made her feel enough to WRITE AN ARTICLE ABOUT IT#because she MISHEARD SOMEONE IN A CASUAL CONVERSATION#i lay out my reasoning thusly: if you were INVENTING a scary trans woman in bathroom story out of nothing. why would it be this?#why would you go with 'we had a banal conversation until she said a sentence that makes no sense and that no human has ever uttered#but which does coincidentally sounds almost exactly like a mishearing of a very NORMAL thing to say in the circumstances#then she left and nothing else occurred'#if you were going to INVENT a story you would probably make it MAKE SENSE or SOUND THREATENING#i truly believe this is a very authentically told account of what she thinks happened#because who would. by means other than mishearing. think 'I'm going to wipe my hands on my penis' makes any sense at all.#a) 'I'm going to dry my hands on my genitals' says the presumably fully clothed woman#b) who then proceeds to leave without doing anything threatening#c) WHO SAYS PENIS THREATENINGLY? sorry it's writing out 'penis' repeatedly that made this jump out to me but like. who says that?#you might hear someone talk casually about their dick or cock but i stg it's only doctors and TERFs who casually use the word penis much#it's so. clinically descriptive. it's a weird use of language. but it IS. something you could plausibly mishear from 'pants' or 'trousers'
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just wanted to make a color ref for Brain Therapist Magneto from 309 but i needed lights too for some reason
bonus The Flats Only Version
#xmen#erik lehnsherr#magneto#xmen comics#snap sketches#why did half of my beginning tags just get neutralized. tf. now i have to retype them and this tag'll make no sense#anyway 'have you done literally anything but think about 309 since you read it' no . apparently vJARLKAJKL#BUT YEAH I JUST WANTED A COLOR REF IF IM GONNA DRAW THIS LOOK MORE OR WHATEVER#i dont know if i like the yellow dress shirt + pink tie combo ... that's inspo'd from his new mutants headmaster suit + tie..#why does he have to wear a suit under the coat huh .. the thing is i have no idea if he's supposed to be wearing a dr's coat or a trench#i mean he briefly wears his magneto suit when scolding charles so maybe it is a doctor's coat....#doctor makes the most sense to me considering the context so thats why i went all white but... now im not so sure ...#UGH stupid beautiful comic had to be in monochrome. or limited colors whatever#anyway i did start some doodles cause i wanted to post a few 309 doodles but. hm.#i think i might make a separate post for it ... it may be a lil inapropro !!!!#i wanted a color ref in the first place because i was thinking about making a 309 comic but like#now that i think of it if i do that i might jsut do the blue/black thing they did in the actual comic..#idk the thing im doodling now i might do in full color. just for fun#tbh maybe i wont do that comic after i doodle this.. no im lying i still will i still have visions i wanna put in front of my eyes#i can only fall asleep thinking about it so much i need it tangible#if i do draw it i prob just wont post it or ill just share it with select friends. aka like. one vjAELKVJEAKJ#but that's like months from now lbr ok ill still share crumbs with you all !!!!! gimme like. five hours vJALKJAKL#ok bye !!!!!!!!! please enjoy therapist magneto in the meantime#you will not get better as an individual you will get worse
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thinking about time lords and their fucked up little society again and i just realized how devastating the revelation of the drums in the end of time is in relation to the master's character.
because of all the renegade time lords in the universe, i think it's the master who most exemplifies the philosophical outlook that the time lords have towards the rest of the universe. they're stuffy observers, administrators, yes - but this position is one they've decided for themselves because of this concept of supremacy over other life forms. imposed and upheld this idea that other species that lack a time sense are less-than, primitive. and the master buys into this hard.
and i mean... compared to the doctor, the master is good at being a time lord. he buys into these supremacist concepts, this idea that every other species (and especially humans) is practically a meaningless ant in the grand scheme of the universe. takes it to the extreme, yes, but its the same underlying principle. he's a good student (despite whatever chibnall might think) - that one time lord from terror of the autons (identity forever a mystery) (its brax) even says "he did receive a higher degree of cosmic science than you." the master could play their game if he wanted to. he's remarkably comfortable with being on gallifrey/the idea of gallifrey(in eot/tlotl) than the doctor ever is. where the doctor avoids the subject of the lord presidency like the plague, the master is like "well if you kill the president you ARE the president! and then you have all of gallifrey!" and when the doctor destroys gallifrey (nominally), the master tries to rebuild it in the sound of drums/last of the time lords. tries to emulate their society. honor them in his little fucked up way. he brings them back from the time war!
and what does he get for it? how did the time lords treat him in response?
they decide to implant the sound of drums in his head, stretching back until he's a child. puts this insufferable noise, this splitting headache, in his head for his entire life. all so that they may live while he dies. because he is diseased, because of them. he has swallowed the pill, bought their propaganda, he has followed the rules, he tried to rebuild them he tried. and in response he is chewed up and spit out like trash so that rassilon's god complex can survive while the universe crumbles.
how crushing must that be to someone? to have your whole worldview - that you are better, you are chosen, you are special - come crumbling down in a few short moments? to see the revered founder-god of the civilization you have so desperately tried to revive look at you and say "you are diseased," even though he was the one to poison you in the first place?
and as his heart is torn to pieces... when rassilon says "no more," and charges his gauntlet, the master - who has spent countless lives fighting death with his bare hands - does not move.
part of me thinks he does not want to.
#and this is why i think if the master didn't get vacuumed into the time war in eot he would have had a mid-mid-mid-life crisis#and then probably just traveled with the doctor to do some gay soul searching#you gotta hold on to something when your entire worldview just got smashed to pieces. might as well be your sad wet cat of a boyfriend#he burns down a small village one day and ten is like finally... nature is healing...#i have an essay due uhhh negative a week ago but this thought grabbed my brain and would not let go#simm!master#the master#doctor who#dw#time lords#tensimm#<- mentioned in tags#may be lowkey incomprehensible i wrote this at one am
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Delete later. Just need to get some stuff off my chest
#lol does anyone else feel like they’ve made all the wrong decisions in the last 5 years trying to improve their quality of life#like I’m so physically and mentally exhausted I don’t even think about drawing or doing my favourite things#I’m not phishing for sympathy. I just feel like if I don’t express myself something worse will give#and farming is so thankless I just want some of my struggles to be acknowledged. in some way. however that might be#I went to school for education for 5 years and now I’m locked into a full time math teaching contract when I went to school for Eng/social#so while I’m teaching MYSELF the material so I can teach it to the kids#there is a cattle operation to somehow run after dad died 5 years ago. somehow hasn’t gotten easier#put down 2 animals in 2 weeks and spent 6 hours yesterday in -40c fixing a frozen waterer#spent 6 hours today in -40c chiselling actual frozen cow shit off a cow’s tail#got sprayed cow shit all over me btw lol that’s lowkey funny now#but my chronic migraines and headaches have not improved despite finally going to the doctor. couldn’t find anything wrong so she asked#about my mental wellbeing and lowkey cracked and cried in front of her but backtracked so hard because the shame is actually sickening#the constant headaches and migraines have been around since I was little but I don’t want to live like this anymore#I have no clue how I will manage full time teaching and farming when April hits for calving.#do check in on your farming neighbours. there is a reason why suicide rates are so high among farmers.#I’m not trying to hint at anything I’m genuinely just saying. there is no reason for young people to stick in the profession#there is so much that goes on behind the scenes behind picking up your triple A beef from the supermarket#know there is a 22 year old girl out there who isn’t sure how to make this all work out but she knows it’s both or nothing at all#and misses her dad more than any words can come close to describing#there are so many big problems that have made me grow up very very quickly#I’ve tried to stay positive through the absolute worst times of my life but I sometimes wonder when I will get to live on my terms#I don’t want to work until it kills me#like my dad#thanks for reading this far if you did#and thanks for sticking around.
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like the important thing you must keep in mind about ten when you see him do literally anything is that he's soooooooooo so so so bad at actually isolating himself from other people. so TERMINALLY bad at it. he thinks to himself "i don't need human connection because everything i do causes pain and destruction to those around me :(" but then he experiences a crumb of human connection and his heart starts to spill out of his chest
#tenth doctor#dr who#doctor who#yeah i say heart singular cuz he said 'i suppose they break my heart' in the next doctor and i have perma brain damage over it#btw. this is why him and martha in the first half of series 3 are Like That. he trusts her deeply but he also doesn't want to form#another deep emotional connection bc look what happened with rose! right! i think partially the reason why he#has his moments of opening up about his past is because he thinks 'well she isn't going to see me again after this'#'i might as well tell her if she asks. it may even scare her off'. this is INSANE. he is INSANE. and he is so fucking STUPID#fool! you are developing a connection with someone!!!!!!! not pushing them away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#look at what you are doing to martha's self esteem bro!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#10 era
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One day I’ll go through med school and then I’ll go through residency and then I’ll go through a fellowship and then I’ll be the most crybaby neurosurgeon you could think of. Bursting into tears if I so much as graze ur hypothalamus with my forceps
#Yesterday I shadowed a neurologist for the first time and basically we got done seeing a patient who’s also a heart surgeon#And I turned to the doctor and was like Ok what do we do#The thing is this patient has dementia and we don’t really have a cure for that yet so the study he’s enrolling in is largely observational#Still I expected her to follow up on him in much more frequent increments#Instead this woman goes “we’ll see him in 6-9 months but… not even sure if he’ll be here by then sooo”#Basically implying he might be dead in a year#AND I WAS LIKE. Blown away by how blase she was#And ever since then a fiendish sort of melancholy followed me everywhere I went .#Bc I haven’t stopped thinking about the heart surgeon#I don’t get how she can stop thinking about him#I don’t understand people who can stop thinking about something like that#I know neurologists like her have seen patients come and go many a time but I was disturbed#So I made a pact w myself never to lose my humanity. Half of why I’m so into medicine is bc of its humane aspects#And in 10 years I’ll look back at this and hopefully still be just as annoyingly sensitive as I am today#I think I’m just overall disillusioned w how little humanity some people seem to have but that doesn’t mean I have to be that way too#p
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ok I was reading thru your tattoo/flower shop au and I had to share the brainrot.
I hc revali as indigenous (particularly great plains native american) and oh man, what if at some point he very hesitantly brings up with link that he wants to get facial tattoos or something similar that's significant to him but he's nervous?? And Link goes out of his way to learn traditional stick-n-poke techniques so he can be the one to give revali his tattoos?? And it's like super sweet and meaningful for them both and Link feels honored that revali trusts him enough to ask? (and also revali is scared shitless and Link has to stop several times so he doesnt mess up and hurt revali more than it typically would)
like what if though???
ahem (taps mic) Hello can anyone hear me. i haven't written a tumblr ask in ages i feel ancient
first of all, i'm glad to hear that you still think of my tattoo/flower shop au haha it's been way over a year now since i wrote it. i still very much appreciate everyone who drew art for it 🫶 i've had a few passing thoughts about writing it into an actual proper multi-chaptered fic but i've been busy wrestling with school, work, and my personal demons for the past year that it's been quite difficult to even think about writing anything. thank you to anyone who's still here; i appreciate you a lot 🤍
i love the hc of revali as indigenous and i think it really fits in with the presence of the rito people as we're introduced to in the games, but i won't touch on that too much since i'm not indigenous/well-versed in indigenous culture. you know what i Am well-versed in though? these gay ass mfs
i had to reread my own au post for this Lord it's been too long, i wrote back then that i thought of revali as someone who isn't too fond of tattoos and doesn't have a great pain tolerance for them, and i still believe in that LOL. mixing that in with a hc where revali is indigenous is quite interesting, because i would assume that tattoos are an important/frequently appearing aspect of the culture? revali's parents have also passed in this au and he's alone with no family running the shop, so perhaps revali was estranged from his indigenous culture while growing up/at some point and became interested in trying to connect with it as an adult. maybe he came across the topic of traditional tattoos and after researching about it, he became interested in getting one but again because of his low pain tolerance, he thought it probably may never happen. well...
during one of their shared lunch breaks perhaps at a new cafe that's opened up on tabantha street, revali absentmindedly mentions his family and the tattoos. link immediately looks up at him from his food, those lovely blue eyes searching his face curiously.
"traditional tattoos?" he says, cocking his head at revali. revali blinks. well, of course link would have interest in the topic since he was a fellow tattoo artist himself, but the way he was looking at revali was...
"well yes," revali continues. "i suppose i haven't really talked to you much about myself personally, have i? i'm an indigenous hyrulean and my blood is descended from the rito tribe, but i'm not well-versed in my own culture." he mumbles the last few words, looking down at his coffee. "my parents and i lived on reservation land until i was 5 and then we moved away to a bigger city for work. there weren't many other rito there and so i didn't grow up with a lot of other indigenous folk. i don't know much about my family or my culture because of it, and even after my parents passed, it's never come up until now." revali glances back at link, who is now watching him with rapt attention. he looks away again, his cheeks beginning to warm. "i thought it would be nice to connect with my culture by getting a traditional tattoo of the rito tribe, perhaps something small so i can handle it. though, i wouldn't be able to travel to the reservation to find a traditional tattooist because of the shop and neither do i know of any tattoo artists nearby that could do it..."
"i'll do it," link says suddenly. revali looks at him again and blinks. link's eyes are bright and wide, blazing with determination. he's still holding his sandwich in his hands.
"i-i couldn't ask that of you," revali says, heart skipping a beat. "you'd likely have to learn an entire new and unfamiliar technique, and—"
"i'll do it," link insists, placing the sandwich down and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. his eyes are still trained on revali, just as insistent as his mouth is. revali swallows.
"use a napkin, please," he mutters, passing link one. the blond takes it and grins at him. "if it's something that you greatly desire to do... i will assist you in offering as much information as i can. i... appreciate it, link." i appreciate you, he thinks but the words get stuck in his throat. link's smile only grows.
thinking about link who researches rito tribal tattoos for a few weeks and reporting and discussing his findings with revali during their mon/wed lunch breaks. thinking about link who spends countless nights staying up compiling everything he finds into a document, the different types of tribal tattoos and their meanings, researching the materials and tools needed for traditional tattoos, sketching different tribal symbols endlessly for the perfect one for revali in between tattoo sessions with other clients, thinking about where on revali's body it would go, thinking about revali's warm skin under his hands... let's keep it PG link 🫡
the day finally arrives when link introduces the tattoo sketches to revali. link probably shows him a few ideas of a small rito symbol on his fingers, wrist, deltoid, ankle, and even ribs. HOWEVER. i really like the idea of the winged rito symbol across the back of revali's shoulders to represent his wings in canon? so what if. link who sketched a drawing of revali's back muscles with the winged rito symbol and he doesn't mean to show it to revali since it's a much bigger tattoo than revali wanted, but revali happens upon it anyway while scrolling through the sketches on link's ipad.
"what's this one?" revali says pointing at it.
link glances over at the screen and flushes. "oh, i didn't mean for you to see this one," he murmurs. he uses two fingers to zoom in on the image slightly. "i just had an idea for this particular symbol, so i sketched it out because i thought it'd look nice. i know you wanted a smaller one, so we can just focus on the first sketches—"
"it's beautiful," revali cuts him off, voice soft and still looking at the winged sketch. "how much do back tattoos hurt?" and link is jaw dropped, staring at him with hearts in his eyes LMFAOOOOOOOO
thinking about link who actually reaches out to a traditional tattooist from revali's tribe and asks if he can mentor link so he can learn their technique??? maybe link and revali who end up traveling to the reservation together so revali can visit and link can learn directly from the tattooist??? revalink road trip and sharing a bed trope??? link would probably only take a week tops to learn the technique since he's like a prodigal artist and the tattooist is impressed. also revali getting to spend time with and learn more about his culture from others from the tribe who live there 🥺
if revali does get the winged rito symbol tattoo on his back, he probably wouldn't get it as a solid color, maybe link would incorporate more tribal lineart into it like the totk zonai imagery? i've never gotten a tattoo so i don't know if back tattoos or the style of solid color tattoos would hurt, but regardless, link would make revali as comfortable as he can throughout all the sessions 🥺🥺🥺
originally when i read this ask and you mentioned facial tattoos, i thought about link gently holding revali's jaw between his pointer finger and thumb to readjust the positioning of his face in the midst of tattooing him, and revali sucking in a breath at the contact WAHHHH but with the direction i took with this post, i also thought about link laying a flat palm between revali's shoulder muscles, feeling the warmth of his skin and tracing his shoulder blades with a featherlight touch and revali getting flustered but muttering, "are you going to keep me in suspense?"
link traces a line down revali's spine. "are you sure you want to get this tattoo?" he murmurs. "we can still do the smaller ones instead if you want. i know how you feel about it, with your pain tolerance and all."
revali snorts, trying to mask his nervousness. "i've already made up my mind. it's a beautiful piece that you put a lot of thought into and i'm not backing out now. besides..." revali's voice lowers into a mumble. "i wouldn't have gone through with it if it was anyone else. i trust you."
link's cheeks pinked in the sweet way they do when revali catches him off-guard, but he can't take it back. he doesn't want to take it back, because it's true; revali trusts link for this with everything he has.
hhh . AHHHH . i just think. yeagh.
#revalink#loz#botw#loz botw#legend of zelda#amihan's revalinkverse#tattoo/flower shop au#ask#avenin#dude i don't remember how to tag my shit omg#um. anyways. Heyyy how y'all doin'? 😝#in honor of sen senchee's bday i am making an attempt to return to revalink tumblr#everyone say thank you senchee! bc if not i'm leaving again The only rzn why u got this post was bc of senchee#pls lmk if there was anything i wrote that might have been culturally insensitive or inaccurate?#i tried to write it generally but still along the lines of the concept#but again i'm no expert so pls lmk 🙏#anyways imagining revali as that one scene of the one guy getting his back tattoo in moana#revali going Ow. and link fighting back the impulsive thought to say Do you want me to kiss it better?#link should offer revali a lollipop after each session like he's a doctor to a child after getting their flu shot#peep revali heart racing after looking at link with a sandwich in hand This guy is a pathetic down bad loser#oh also revalink matching tattoos? what do u guys think they'd get
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#saw a fourum post about this and i mean i was always under the assumption that he did#but londo definitely can bluff#and some people went into the fact that refa could just go to the doctor and get medical treatment for it but ehhhh#it might be untracable like the poison used to kill cartagia#as much as i think about that instance i havent really thoight about it like this before#so im curious to see what yall think#but also londo stays lying to refa#which is why he brought a telepath on the station with him#londo is incredibly smart and a great schemer so this could honestly go either way and he could get away with it#like he takes so many risks. just one little mistake in his rock cried out plan couldve thrown the whole thing away#if refa didnt go to narn if vir didnt comply etc#so honestly im not sure what i think#there isnt much canonical evidence that he was bluffing because we as the audience just have to take what he says at face value#but there also isnt exactly evidence that proves he WASNT lying either..#so its all up to interpretation and headcanon atp#babylon 5#i do think he did i just also thjnk its fun to speculate
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watching a video on youtube abt making zines and shes like "i have a full exciting life that i create for myself every single day that has nothing to do with zines. and i think that when you have more things going on in your life youre less likely to become hyperfocused on the reaction you get to your work" and im like damn outgecalled, no wonder we get neurotic abt it here on the hyperfocus no life website
#not to call everyone here a loser just myself but i dont think im the /only/ one who....doesnt have a full exciting life outside of#[whatever youre doing on here]#hfkghgjh#most inspiring way ive ever been told to get a life t b h#or maybe just first time im open to hearing it#i was already sorta thinking that. just. not in those words exactly fhkhgj#(watch me remember in 5 minutes why my entire life is doctor who)#(<- suicidal as fuck when not thinking abt doctor who)#anyway#might fuck around and get a life#if only so i can speak smth other than english every now and then
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Every day i just want to write a post that just says "The Brigadier is so damn autistic."
but I then worry about what other people might say if I do that
but fuck it
The Brigadier is so fucking autistic, and nobody can change my mind
#classic doctor who#brigadier lethbridge stewart#'hes just like that because hes a military man' no he's like that because he's autistic and in the military. there's a difference#(please - we see so many soldiers in classic who and he's so different to them)#lack of expressions (especially s7) which caused others to comment his 'lack of emotions' in certain situations (he has commented that he#does in fact feel..)#the constant swagger stick with him (they arent common for soldiers nor officers to have.. havent been since past WW2 i believe) which he f#fiddles with and holds#stickler for the rules and hates disorder (things not being done 'right')#(thinking of the 'rules arent rules for alistair' bit from Daddy Fights Monsters)#his reaction to mushrooms in The Green Death. that's it. that's the point (he just hates mushrooms and so do i)#he's so.. military when he speaks even when speaking to civilians or when he's off duty. ik that's not much of a point but in the military#you're told exactly how to speak and interact with others and to be blunt and clear and to the point with your words. you're saying he does#find comfort in it?#and this man's strong sense of morals! my god. he can have quite black and white thinking in situations (so does 3 which would probably#explain why they butt heads often) and he is insanely stubborn#im sure i'll think of more things as time goes on but this is all i have for now#also im sorry i might be a bit tipsy when posting this but i really need courage lmao
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observing that there might be a connection between significant levels of pain and poor mood
#trying to unobserve the significant pain meaning anything#telling stories to ourselves about that time we went for a month without sleep and every day felt on top of the world#which happened a month ago. a month ago#but might as well have never existed this is ALL that has ever been#clearly we're dying. there's no other explanation#nerve pinch? more like acute spine cancer#chronic pain#I'm also sure there's NO correlation whatsoever between 'a month without sleep and every day on top of the world'#and present state of acute everything is fucking breaking in this body#these things could not be related#disability#I just want this to stop honestly#it's the kind of shit that a painkiller apparently can't tackle#because wowee why would I want relief#and I recognise if I moved it might get better#but at the same time I'm tired of having to do something all of the time to cope with this#I just want it to stop and fuck off#I want to think of literally ANYTHING else#but my whole body is just. burning#every muscle is on fire and aches like we have a high fever#our fingers are so fucking stiff#moving our back is just this chorus of sandy crackles#surely it could not be arthritis#at this rate going to turn on Gladiator II just for the emotional support fellow chronic illness sufferer#Caracalla you're the only thing right now that makes this suck any less#doctor: so how does that work exactly#us: don't know and not going to examine it further
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i just rememberd adhd meds exist and now im upset because i could have that if it wasn't for that freakin neurologyst we went to see that told us it was impossible that i could have adhd because i have good grades in school. literally the ONLY question he asked me and immediately said it was impossible. we spent like 5 minutes there. he could've at least... explained something???? anything?????? and now i'd feel bad about asking my parents to see another neurologist because that costs a lot of money :((
#now im just unable to concentrate on anything and feeling very worthless#ok gonna start rambling here a bit#vent? ->#i'm just not good at anything except drawing. everything is hard and i don't think i'm capable of getting a job and contributing to society#in any way except drawing. my self worth is being held almost entirely by my ability to draw.#but i'm also incredibly slow and unproductive and it's so hard sitting down and starting a drawing and finishing that drawing#drawing is the thing that makes me feel alive and feel good about myself so when i can't draw i just feel really awful#i just wish i could concentrate and work and be productive man. why do i have so much stuff going on in my brain. why is everything so hard#sadge 😔😔#ok gonna try to draw i hope something cool comes out or i'm throwing my computer out the window and playing videogames#oh also another neurologist once told me depression can't be caused by school#i'm pretty sure it can but idk im not a doctor#what is up with these neurologists man#i know it's gonna get better tho. life might suck but i *am* a teenager and it's only gonna go up from here.#im still learning about myself and stuff. also no school next year that's gonna be awesome#don't wanna end on a sad note bc life is good actually#and i'm fucking amazing at drawing
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Hunt's next chapter.
I'm legally not allowed to write anymore. u_u My doctor said no.
#salty talks#this chapter almost killed me wtf#this doesn't include A/Ns#i need to re-read it but I should publish it tonight#(listen the amount of times I went 'shit shit shit shit do I need to change the course of the story now??? wait no I'm good. wait no I'm-#-I'm not! no I'm good! no I'm not! ahhhhhh Shit do I need to re-write ch 15 too? No? Yes! No-ahhhh Ok I'm good I think I did it')#this chapter was not good for my health TT0TT#(not because of the content inside but because of how MUCH I wrote and how long it took cause words wouldn't word)#I can't even tell if I cooked I'm afraid I was just yapping gdi gdi but I can't look at it anymore I'm going to go insane TT0TT#hey i'm probs gonna post before saturday~! gimme a cookie ;w;#'oh I should finish this section in like a page or two' *7 pages later* I have underestimated how much needed to be said to work oh my god#my doctor is reminding me this is why I had to drop my Wednesday fic(s) cause I kept pulling shit like this#i might need another Yokoya Days week cause I need a BREAK i need something SMALL TT0TT#*crawls back into my hole under a rock and curls up into a ball*
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Fuck I think my period is being weird agian. uuuuuuuuuuugh is this gonna be something I can't Ignore.
#ramblings#checked my post history. it wouldve been OVER a month since my last one and without getting tmi i think im technically on it#but theres been. no blood. uh#<- usually gets bad back aches and a fairly heavy flow. has experienced neither#well at least i dont think. my backs kinda been eh but ive assumed its just bc ive been doing a lot of sitting lately#mmmmmmmmm i could just be starting it i hope im just starting it. i dont wanna be having an issue bc i dont wanna go to a doctor#but this is starting to be a pattern#bc of other things thatve been going on lately im worried it might be pcos. but im not like. self-diagnosing that shit#but thats why im worried cuz i rlly dont wanna go to a doctor FUCK. ok whatever im ignoring this again#<- if it turns out this isnt just the start of my period ill talk to my mom bc this is definitely a pattern atp
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the duality of misao being one of the few psychiatrists in arkham that has actually made progress with some of their patients and treats them like human beings, but also someone who does a complete 180° later + EATS her patients and gaslights people who ask about them into thinking they were never committed there is currently making me go feral. like girlll why are you like this JSJSJ
#ALL POWER DEMANDS POWER AND SACRIFICE: musings.#NO SLEEP OF THE INNOCENT. NOT FOR YOU: character study.#and whenever i say it's making me go feral i mean it both puzzling as well as intriguing to me that misao seems to not be on ANYONE'S-#side even when it may seem like she might just care about her patients bc she not only gaslights any of the staff and patients who ask abou#them into thinking that the person was never there BUT also destroys records of them ever having been there which would take quite a bit#of effort on her part to do and that is just. wow but like i said here misao is probably one of the only doctor's throughout the years who-#have treated their patients with empathy (even if most of it is faked on her part JSJSJ) and even does thing's like keep a cupboard-#full of snacks in her office for them so that they could have something better to eat than the cafeteria food...#and that is why i believe that it honestly wouldn't be too far-fetched for misao to end up having a redemption arc because-#she honestly doesn't like a LOT of the staff there because they still advocate for the use of barbaric practices like ECT on fully-#conscious people and as a regular treatment when it should be done under anesthesia / while the patient is asleep and be a 'last resort'#kind of thing you know? plus she has heard them talk about her behind her back before bc they think misao's 'weird' sooo yeah.#she isn't COMPLETELY evil but she still does thing's like eat people which is heinous in and of itself but even more so when there's-#a power imbalance between you + the other person because some people in there i could imagine would probably grow to trust her-#as an authority figure buttt misao would fully intend to take advantage of that so she could eat. and that is uhhh TERRIBLE to say the leas#tw: mentions of cannibalism.#tw: mentions of medical malpractice.#tw: manipulation.#tw: mentions of a power imbalance.
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