#spent 6 hours today in -40c chiselling actual frozen cow shit off a cow’s tail
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Delete later. Just need to get some stuff off my chest
#lol does anyone else feel like they’ve made all the wrong decisions in the last 5 years trying to improve their quality of life#like I’m so physically and mentally exhausted I don’t even think about drawing or doing my favourite things#I’m not phishing for sympathy. I just feel like if I don’t express myself something worse will give#and farming is so thankless I just want some of my struggles to be acknowledged. in some way. however that might be#I went to school for education for 5 years and now I’m locked into a full time math teaching contract when I went to school for Eng/social#so while I’m teaching MYSELF the material so I can teach it to the kids#there is a cattle operation to somehow run after dad died 5 years ago. somehow hasn’t gotten easier#put down 2 animals in 2 weeks and spent 6 hours yesterday in -40c fixing a frozen waterer#spent 6 hours today in -40c chiselling actual frozen cow shit off a cow’s tail#got sprayed cow shit all over me btw lol that’s lowkey funny now#but my chronic migraines and headaches have not improved despite finally going to the doctor. couldn’t find anything wrong so she asked#about my mental wellbeing and lowkey cracked and cried in front of her but backtracked so hard because the shame is actually sickening#the constant headaches and migraines have been around since I was little but I don’t want to live like this anymore#I have no clue how I will manage full time teaching and farming when April hits for calving.#do check in on your farming neighbours. there is a reason why suicide rates are so high among farmers.#I’m not trying to hint at anything I’m genuinely just saying. there is no reason for young people to stick in the profession#there is so much that goes on behind the scenes behind picking up your triple A beef from the supermarket#know there is a 22 year old girl out there who isn’t sure how to make this all work out but she knows it’s both or nothing at all#and misses her dad more than any words can come close to describing#there are so many big problems that have made me grow up very very quickly#I’ve tried to stay positive through the absolute worst times of my life but I sometimes wonder when I will get to live on my terms#I don’t want to work until it kills me#like my dad#thanks for reading this far if you did#and thanks for sticking around.
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