#why didnt I use a reference???? why does that seem like so much more work

[madootles]

ed + cat pt. 3

[triglycercule]

horror is so BLESSED he's the only one out of the murder time trio that has actual good people trying to influence his story 💔💔 dust and killer were both driven to INSANITY because of the choices of their respective humans but horror??? every time without FAIL the polls for horrortale's plotline have always ended in a good place for aliza (either by bettering her relationships/reputation or for her to just. not DIE)

horrortale's potential alternate timelines my beLOVEd🙏🙏 they're SO lucky that we're being kind and benevolent hehe (≧ω≦) now where are the aus based off the possible different outcomes that could've happened in horrortale HUH???? (like how aliza couldve killed toriel or chosen horror's puzzle or gone with undyne to the core........)

[ihfmseatsoch]

ok ok ok so if i may be so bold as to request something, ive been enamored wiht the idea of an older, controlling, borderline abuse boyfriend jimmy, like he and reader live together on earth, and reader goes to college, while jimmy works physical jobs trying to support them both. he's a SHITTY person though, so hes jealous of any man the reader talks to, reads through their phone, makes sinde comments about their weight and appearance, and (im totally not projecting here) eventually pressures them into dropping out, for like his perfect little live in partner/gf fantasy sjdhasd feel free to do whatever with this, but this specific scenario has not left my head for days

WHEEE this was fun to write ^w^ i rushed this a bit but i just didnt want you to have to wait any longer... :p

—

Jimmy Zare x fem!reader

reader uses fem terms (girl, girlfriend)

genre: how do i categorize this.... fic that makes you feel bad or horny depending on how you handle verbal abuse lol

word count: 1.8k

warnings/content: age gap, domestic abuse, manipulation, arguing, fat shaming, several references to the readers body/appearance, jimmy being the biggest asshole oh my god i hate him (i want him so bad it makes me look stupid)

(is it bad that writing about jimmy yelling at me turns me on... WOAHHH who said that .....😰 also dont kill me for the weight shaming part IM A FAT GIRL !!!!!! i like when evil men are mean to me !!!!!! RAAAH)

—

"He's a good guy, he can actually be really sweet!"

That's a sentence you find yourself saying out of complete muscle memory at this point whenever someone questions why your boyfriend–... well, they question an awful lot about your boyfriend.

For example, why he's over twenty years your senior whilst you're still going to class on the weekdays. Why he doesn't allow you to see your friends, wear certain clothes, leave your apartment without him, and why he takes up so much space in your brain, completely distracting you from your own life and goals.

You've missed at least four assignments this semester alone. It's stupid, really. You thought you'd be done with obsessing and crying over boys after you graduated highschool. It's completely immature for a so-called adult like yourself, but then again, you're hardly into adulthood at all.

Jimmy, on the other hand, has a lot more life experience, many of those experiences negative. That might be why you've taken some form of pity on him, going so far as to move into his apartment so you can take care of him when you're not busy. He needs someone to make sure he doesn't fall off the deep end.

The thing is, it's become hard to fit him in your schedule, but whenever you're unable to make time for him after he comes home from work, that familiar scowl on his face indicating it was another shitty day, he throws a fit.

He'll accuse you of everything under the sun; Infidelity being the primary thing.

"You don't love me. There's someone else, isn't there? It's that one kid that asked you to help him 'study' last week, isn't it? No? Give me your fucking phone, then."

This is what you come home to everyday, so it's nothing new. In fact, you're pretty used to it by now. Though today, Jimmy seems particularly pissed.

"Where have you been?" He crosses his arms and leans against the wall, eyeing you up and down like he always does when he's about to grill you on something.

"Sorry..." You mutter, way too tired to deal with one of his moods again. "Traffic." You answer simply, not having enough energy to overexplain yourself like you normally do.

"Uh huh. Traffic." He mimics you in a way that already tells you he's not buying it. Great.

"...It's the truth." You shrink into yourself at the way he's looking at you. Contemptuous as always. You're in for another argument, it seems. A million, desperate pleas run through your mind;

'Please don't give me another lecture about how you're my only financial support, and how grateful I should be. Please don't ask to see my phone. Please don't tell me to drop out.'

But, of course, you can't actually change the outcome of this. You're gonna get yelled at. Belittled. Degraded.

"You're two hours late, and you're gonna tell me you were just stuck in traffic?" He pushes himself off the wall and walks towards you.

"You're never home when you're supposed to be, and when you are home, you're all tired and upset.” He pokes a finger into your shoulder, hard. "What do you think that looks like from my point of view?"

"I'm sorry." You rub your face, exasperated. God, you wish he would shut up sometimes. Sure, he can be amicable, but lately... he's been a raging dick. Yet, you can't help but cling to the memory of his good moments. "I'll try to make it back on time tomorrow."

"Yeah? And how many times have I heard that before?" He sneers, "You're hiding something from me, aren't you?"

The way he accuses you so confidently, so sure of himself... it's insulting. Does he really think that little of you? "College has been kicking my ass, Jim. You know that. I'm not hiding anything from you, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, college this, college that. Always complaining about fuckin' college," He scoffs, his eyes stay narrowed, still glaring. "How about what I'm going through? You think I'm having a great time every day at work, hm?"

"No, I–" You stammer, hating the way he's turning this around to make himself the victim. Oh, woe is him, having to provide for himself and his girlfriend. How tortured he is. "I know, alright? I'm sorry. I just– what else do you expect me to do?"

"Be here. Like you're supposed to be. And I expect you to stop acting like I'm the bad guy for asking you to be a decent girlfriend."

Jimmy's voice raises slightly as he takes a step closer, towering over your sheepish figure. He nudges your shoulder again, even rougher this time.

"I'm busting my ass every day to put food on the table, and you can't even have the decency to show up on time, let alone look happy to see me?"

"I– I am happy to see you! I am, I'm just– you don't get it. I want to be here, but... I'm not even halfway through this semester, and–" You stumble over your words as you attempt, in vain, to defend yourself. It's not like he'll ever feel sympathy for you. It's always about what he wants. What makes him happy.

Jimmy rolls his eyes at your attempt to reason with him. It's as if he doesn't even register a word you say. "But what? What's more important to you, huh? Some stupid classes, or the guy who keeps a fuckin' roof over your head and feeds you? Be grateful, goddamn it." He snaps, grabbing your arms and giving them a forceful shake.

You flinch from being handled like you're not even a human being, much less one with feelings. "Stop, please, I'm– I am grateful, I really am..." You're not lying, either. To be honest, his guilt tripping works wonders on you. Are you really acting unappreciative? He wouldn't be this upset if you were in the right...

He seems unfazed by your frightened demeanor and continues to hold a firm grip on your arms. He looks you up and down, not even having to say anything for you to know he's judging you, as a girlfriend and person in general.

"Oh, you're grateful? Then maybe you should act like it for once." Jimmy gives your arms another firm shake, a harsh reminder of who's in charge here.

"I'm not asking much of you. I just want you to be here, and you can't even do that. Do you think I'm just gonna sit back and accept that bullshit?"

"No..." You shake your head, looking down at the ground in shame. Were you really that awful? You didn't want to be a bad partner, it's the last thing you ever wanted. If you could make eye contact without feeling guilty, you'd see Jimmy's face light up with satisfaction as he finally notices you're not even bothering to put up a fight anymore.

There's a condescending lilt to his tone as he speaks, "No one will ever love you like I do. You know that?"

You nod, knowing there has to be some truth to his claim. He takes care of you, doesn't he? He keeps a roof over your head, gives you money for groceries, and he's not always that unpleasant to be around...

He's a good boyfriend. You're the problem. You always are.

"Exactly."

The grip on your arms eases, moving them to place a hand on each of your shoulders, contrastingly gentle compared to his behavior only moments ago.

"You oughta thank your lucky stars you have a man like me who puts up with all your bullshit. You get that, right? How lucky you are to be with me?"

You know he's right. You were blessed with someone who still loves you, despite your many shortcomings. You're too fat, the acne on your face and body is repulsive, the way you do your makeup is weird... all of this being things Jimmy has told you directly. At least you have an honest boyfriend, isn't that what every girl wants?

He gives your shoulder a pat, like he's treating you like a small, petulant child. "You realize I could have literally any girl I want, right? Pretty, skinny, smart ones, even. But I chose you. Because I care about you."

He pauses, letting that sink in.

"But it would help if you'd actually put the effort in to look decent." He adds as an afterthought.

You've internalized every single snide remark he's thrown your way, reminded of them every single time you look in the mirror. Yet he still loves someone like you. Someone so difficult and embarrassing to be with.

"Jim, I don't... I don't know how I'm even gonna be able to free my schedule at all with school and stuff..." You mumble guiltily. You know he wants you to drop out, he's suggested it more times than you can count.

"That right there, that's why I'm frustrated, goddamn it," He says with an exacerbated sigh. He moves one hand from your shoulder to pinch the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "Why don't you get it? Dropping out isn't the end of the world. Just quit and stay home. Done. Easy."

"It's not that easy... I want to get a good job and help out too, you know..."

It's true that you want to pull your weight around your shared home. With your combined income, it'd make everything easier. But... with how shitty college makes you feel, leaving you beaten down and tired by the end of the day...

You find yourself listening to Jimmy on this for once.

He can tell you're seriously contemplating it this time, which makes him feel... more in control. He's got you thinking and believing exactly what he wants you to. Soon, he'll be able to get you to obey him without another word from you.

The thought of having you as his subservient, stay at home girlfriend is more than appealing. It's his goal to mold you into what he wants you to be.

"Yeah, yeah, I get that, I know. But you're stressing yourself half to death, and for what? Some stupid degree? Listen to me, I'm not gonna ask you again. You're just creating problems that don't need to exist. Just quit. You'll have plenty of free time that you can spend with me."

You can't deny how tempting the idea is. Hesitantly, after several moments of pondering the hypotheticals and what-ifs, you speak up,

"...I guess... dropping out wouldn't hurt too much."

He perks up at that, barely being able to contain a delighted grin. You're actually putting him and his wants first, and acknowledging that he's right. You're doing as he says, without any of the usual arguing or excuses. He'll finally have his dream complaisant, docile girlfriend to come home to every night.

It only took a month or two to finally get you to cave. You'll be easier to control from now on. Hell, maybe you'll lose some weight with some free time on your hands, stop wearing that shitty makeup...

"Good girl," He says in a patronizing tone, like he's addressing a child, "That's what wanna hear."

God, you really hope this isn't a bad idea. Jimmy looks pleased for once, so...

This decision can't possibly ruin your future too badly, right?

—

[jamietwat]

Jamie would be so annoying when Roy’s reading. Like no, he has no interest in reading the same book himself. No, he has no interest in Roy reading to him and wasting that much time on it and trying to pay attention

Instead, he’s out here asking Roy annoying questions every single time he sees him reading. Which wouldn’t be as annoying if Roy wasn’t trying to read while Jamie just sat there and went “What’s that book about?” “That sounds boring” “Okay, that part sounds okay I guess” “Well what’s happening now?” “Why the fuck would anyone do that?” “Wait, what the fuck is that guy’s problem?” “What’s happening now?”

Roy tries to give him short answers in an annoyed tone but Jamie takes no hints and ignores the outright “well if you’d shut the fuck up and let me read, maybe I’d know the answer” kind of responses

But the more Jamie does it and the more often that they’re training and he’s asking about if Roy read more and about what happened, the more this genre of Jamie’s annoyingness starts to grow on him just like every other way Jamie used to annoy him

Roy likes talking about it when he’s not actively trying to read and being interrupted and then fuck him, he’ll never admit it but he starts to like being interrupted and getting to rant about characters’ stupid decisions and being validated in his disbelief by Jamie just soaking up his biased summaries and doubling down on most of his opinions and starting the stupidest fucking debates about the rest (which sometimes ends in Jamie having no fucking idea what he’s talking about and it being amusing for that reason and sometimes Jamie somehow understands a character’s motivations better than he does and Roy has an oh moment and he may or may not admit that to Jamie depending on his mood and how fed up with Jamie he is at that exact moment)

And then every once in a while, Jamie makes some fleeting reference to some book in an interview and it’s always something he hasn’t read himself but that he’s just heard about from Roy and at first it mostly flies under the radar, but eventually the public catches on to the pattern

Jamie makes some reference and later a fan makes some tweet about how he’s read their favourite book and Jamie responds with nah roy did and told me abt it

Later on, Jamie publicly calls a book his favourite despite not having actually read it because it was the most fun to talk about with Roy and he was annoyed when Roy didn’t have time to read more when he wanted to know what happened but he doesn’t give that context so for all the public knows he actually read it

But then later, he makes another comment in another interview about the same book and no one there knows enough about the book to realize he is blatantly missing some information that he would have known if he’d actually read it but later tons of people are commenting about it online and Jamie responds like roy didnt tell me abt that part

He tries to make some reference to the team trying to make some inspiring locker room speech and everyone thinks it’s great until Roy corrects Jamie’s blatant lack of awareness of how that worked out for the characters just for that to be notably less inspiring and more of a downer and now the team is distracted by how sad and unfair the book none of them has read is so Roy just sighs and lies and makes up some new events set after what he’s corrected to try to get the team back to happy and inspired from what Jamie said instead of deflated from what actually happens and they all just believe him until Sam reads the book later on and is devastated to find out that Roy made the whole happy ending up

Jamie publicly talks about another book later on that an interviewer has read and gets asked a question about it and just goes “I don’t think Roy’s gotten to that part yet” and seems completely oblivious to the confused looks he gets

And when people finally notice the pattern from the times he’s referenced something on social media or in interviews they’re like does Jamie Tartt even know how to read??? Why is every single book he ever talks about just something Roy Kent told him about??? And when people ask him about it, Jamie’s just shrugs and is like “I’m far too sexy to waste my time on reading. Roy telling me about whatever he’s reading is much faster. Roy isn’t even surprised by that because that’s one of Jamie’s go to answers he’s given every time Roy has said something like “You do realize you could just read this book yourself instead of pestering me with questions every five seconds, right?”

(Another one of Jamie’s go to answers is “Yeah, I could. But annoying you’s more fun.”)

[endykelopaedia]

I'm privileged for a completely different facet of my identity that works differently than gender. I was born White and am White and there's no moving away from that. People are AGAB and the societally approved thing to do is to stick to that. Those who challenge their AGAB are all committing the same violation. I cannot offend society with my race but a trans man and a trans woman are doing fundamentally the same thing to piss people off. The cishetpatriarchy wants men to be men and women to be broodmares, and see a "man" wanting to be that which is hated and othered as repulsive, just as they hate a broodmare trying to put themselves on the level of (cis) men.

The funny thing about all this is that while I think the idea of AFAB trans people weaponinzing their AGAB is massively overblown, it IS totally possible for them to have conditional "privilege" in radfemmy spaces...because radfems see them as "female." I have no idea where the overwhelming and bias-inducing love for masculinity outside the cishetpatriarchy comes from. I just plain do not see it. I've never even heard anything but horror stories about relations between trans men and cis gay man.

And the idea that trans men are liked better by the cishetpatriarchy for wanting to be men is so flabbergasting it makes me see stars. Surely we don't think cishet men love masculine "women" or that women throughout history could have simply said they want to be referred to as men as a get-out-of-misogyny-free card.

A lot of times it genuinely seems to me like a lot of trans men who support this framework get gender euphoria out of living out this weird fantasy world. And it's honestly creepy? Like what I'm constantly reading into this is "I'm such a man I could totally have power over you and use it to abuse you if I wanted to but of course I never would." Like that does not make me feel good or safe lol! I've had multiple tell me that they believe in transmasc privilege because they themselves used to be transmisogynistic or partook in sOcIaL mUrDeR, which is a wild own goal to me because all the transmascs I know are hyper-vigilant about hopping on transmisogyny as soon as they see it.

Like, yes, you are a man! You are. I agree with that. But the material reality is that transphobes do not treat you like one and the queer community is much more divided and fractious in a way that does not really advantage one group in particular. Like a given space can favor transmascs but it could also favor transfems, and the only reason the latter isn't considered a problem is based on the tautological argument that they don't exist so the ones that do exist are NBD. Like, I could give you example after example of transfem-favoring queer people being absolutely unambiguously vile about trans men, but it always just gets No True Scotsman'd. No matter how many times it's provably manifest it's always shrugged off as an anomaly, or justified by the same thing being directed at trans women, which is a problem for transfems and not transmascs just because.

only a white woman could comfortably say that white privilege & gendered oppression work completely separate LMAO and yk what i dont think you even really believe that bc why would you immediately come out swinging about my supposed racism against black trans men (MYSELF) specifically over a post that only talked about male privilege.

i know damn well you have a barely coherent prose tucked away about the demonisation of black masculinity being proof of societal misandry that works out REAL well for you when you're arguing with other white folk. i didnt say it before but im gonna say it now, you dont actually give a fuck about black people and you should keep us out of your salty mouth. moving on.

you neednt explain the basics of misogyny, transphobia and cisheteropatriarchy to me. one thing i notice about a lot of you transandrophobia folks is you really like to over explain yourselves. wondering if overwhelming people with words works out for you usually. makes it easier to hide your blatant contradictions and terf-y talking points, yeah?

Like: "And the idea that trans men are liked better by the cishetpatriarchy for wanting to be men" "Surely we don't think cishet men love masculine "women"" is nasty work. this is whyyy i asserted we arent just he/him females to you under the first ask you sent me. cuz i KNEWWW you didnt think of us as men fr. that platitude at the end doesnt mean SHIT. i LIVE as a man & get treated like one. transphobes dont see me as one on principle but a) not everyone i interact with is a transphobe and b) transphobes CANT always tell. but none of that matters cuz we just innocent little girls with a dream, of course. how could we possibly perpetuate societal (trans)misogyny if we only women who want to be men, right.

i assume this is your response to the TERF talking point "trans men are only doing transitioning to escape womanhood & get a slice of male priviege" but it being "what do you mean? trans men will NEVER really be men or seen as men so how could they use it to get male privilege?" ??? plot is LOST. youve gone back to sounding exactly like them.

hopping from calling me racist against black trans men, to realising i am a black trans man, to calling me (and men like me) creeps for the SICK tboy fantasy that is being openly aware of my ability to perpetuate misogyny. wild. WILD. dont even know what to say to you.

i dont feel good around people who hold me hostage to tell me how bigoted (usually racist in my case) they used to be against me either. but the solution wouldnt be to surround myself around white people who dont got the SICK racist fantasy of holding power over me in this society, and it isnt to shut my ears and act like i aint capable of (trans)misogyny at all either? you really feel less safe around trans men who know know that they can be bigoted against you vs ones who dont? i mean. thats you, i guess.

since i'm not a he/him female i think id rather listen to trans women who arent she/her males on actual transmisogyny in queer spaces, bc something tells me your attitude towards it is different from most.

and god, please spare me your examples. i can just look at my actual life and draw smarter conclusions than you have.

[hell-raven]

absurdly long tangent/analysis

EDIT FROM THE FUTURE: this isn't to dissuade anyone from interpreting the canon as they want i just wanted to share my personal opinions based on the preexisting canon that may or may not be very passionate, please just have fun do whatever you want none of this is fact

i really hate how utsuho is flanderized to death and constantly boiled down to "the dumb bird girl" because if you actually sit down and Read her dialogue instead of relying on secondhand information you learn quite a few things about her (when i say this is absurdly long i mean it so keep reading at your own risk)

extrapolating from her own dialogue:

she actually wanted to blow everything up in th11 for real and it wasnt just a "hehe whoops" kind of thing. she was bestowed an extremely powerful ability and deliberately wanted to use it to cause destruction/take over gensokyo

she is extremely knowledgeable about her ability and job (anything related to nuclear power and regulating the flames of blazing hell, or just things about former hell itself)

she takes her job very seriously and supposedly does it very well

but there are a few things that get people: she has poor memory, other characters refer to her as "birdbrained" or "empty-headed, and there are a select few instances of dialogue from hisouten/gouyoku ibun that catch peoples attention. its one of those things where because other characters (and people) say shes stupid, it influences everyone else! in my opinion, i think her own actions straight from the source are much more indicative of who she is rather than the quick judgements of other characters.

=======================

the first major point before i get into the specific dialogue in the fighting games: "kanako needed an empty-headed hell raven, and utsuho fit the bill"

what exactly is meant by "empty-headed"? this is going to be more of an abstraction, so definitely take it with a grain of salt. we dont know much about utsuho before she gained her powers, just that she worked as a lowly hell raven that helped around the palace of the earth spirits/hell. to me, it sounds like an incredibly mind-numbing job that really doesnt require much thinking to begin with, so of course you wouldn't expect some kind of supergenius from it. im also going to go out on a limb and say that utsuho was a candidate for kanako's plan because she's also considered a pet. many unfortunately conclude that pets can't be intelligent, and even the title of "pet" carries the connotation of inferiority. even if she was truly empty-headed as previously suggested, this doesn't mean that she stayed as such with no change at all. when i first played th11, i would have never guessed that she would be "the stupid one".

small note: ZUN's comment on her theme ("even a fool that possesses great power can't cause too much harm")

the problem i have with this is that she really would have caused a lot of harm if the protagonists hadn't stopped her. you could say shes a fool for letting the power get to her head, but objectively i cant exactly point to anything in th11's dialogue/scenarios that suggests she's foolish unless you really want to count bad memory-retention as such. not gonna argue this too hard, but it seems like "fool" is a word thrown around very freely with little thought to how you can actually apply it to a situation.

=======================

IN HISOUTEN: sanae beats her up and afterwards says "youre trying to help me, actually" to which utsuho is like "Oh Ok". you could argue this is probably her dumbest moment, but would you really not follow or listen to the person who defeated you in battle? its not the most defensible point, but she didnt even seem completely oblivious either when she was asking sanae about the incident. my personal interpretation is that she has a bit of a short temper related to how important her job is. there are plenty of other 2hus who are generally sillier than this, it doesnt make much sense why utsuho is the only one who gets this treatment.

IN GOUYOKU IBUN: utsuho doesnt notice reimu before she starts blasting her to bits, which to be fair reimu wears all red in Hell (her fault honestly) + correct me if im wrong but is the power of nuclear fusion not extremely blinding? supporting this, in the events of GI its also implied that shes being overworked due to the oil incident, and we already established that she takes her job very seriously, so to me it makes sense that her first thought is to "remove the contaminant" and to use a lot of her energy in the process. a lot of people in general sometimes get wrapped up in their own work to the point of hyperfocusing, i say the bird can do it too

i also havent brought up the fact that we dont exactly know wtf eating a god does to your brain, whos to say it didnt fuck with you a little bit?

past all of this though i still think utsuho is funny as hell with her particularly bold and uncaring personality, its just that people seem to think that a couple of goofy moments make up her whole character and its just mildly annoying to me.. subterranean animism will probably be my favorite portrayal of utsuho because of how seriously they all treat her (mostly) but overall i wish more touhou fans would actually indulge in the source material and think a bit deeper about this neat little piece of fiction that i am WAY too passionate about (also its just way more fun to look at characters from a complex perspective)

[daughterofnoridoorman]

how does my uzi kintype affects a my identities, alterhuman and lgbt? the reason i love murder drones is because of the way the characters are portrayed. for example, n is more than just the dangerous-but-nice golden retriever. he is too nice for his own good, and by existing he goes against his designed purpose. being kind hurt him, and even though he seems fully aware of that he doesn't stop. this also applies to uzi- she's more than the angsty chosen one teenager. there are so many layers to her personality, which makes it pretty difficult to put a pin on the way that having her as a kintype affects me spoiler alert and mentions of su1cide+v1olence!

1- hooded crow theriotype in home, uzi "hacks" the mind of n (and also v's mind too. whatever) to prevent their memories from being wiped. during this, she takes the form of a hooded crow with the username 'darkxwolf17'. when i took this into consideration, i realized why my crow theriotype was so weird. i felt like a person in a crow's body, not a crow in a human's body, which is how i usually feel with my theriotypes. but being darkxwolf17, NOT a crow made so much more sense. it explained why i got bird shifts even though i didnt feel like a bird, why i felt that way, why i always wanted to make nests despite not wanting eggs. i am the body of a hooded crow, not the crow itself.

2- absolutesolver kin (violence warning) (note; when i refer to the solver, i am referring to the virus itself. not cyn, not yeva, not nori, not doll, not uzi. THE solver. not its hosts.) even though uzi neutralized the absolutesolver, it still 'lives' on in her programming. and it is a separate entity from uzi. in my mind, the absolutesolver represents intrusive, violent thoughts. that definition fits both the way i've come to see it and the canon. as someone who has struggled with intrusive thoughts for years, i've learned not to feel too much shame about them. in my experience, that only makes them worse. i know that it's not my fault i cannot control my thoughts, and i wont beat myself up about it anymore. this may sound like the thing your elementary school teacher would say if you got in a fight, but i may not be able to control my thoughts, but what i can control is whether i react to them or not. that's what uzi did. she learned how to block the absolutesolver from her mind. how to take control of what it gave her without it taking control of her. 3- monsterkin (suicide and violence warning) i am vampirekin and demonkin. for the sake of convinience, i will say 'monsterkin' and use it as a general term when i am talking about both of these identities. in cabin fever, uzi transforms into a 'monster' when she does not consume enough oil to keep herself from overheating. in my case, the consuming oil part is like seeking validation. i have always needed validation, but more than usual. i have tried too hard to be noticed and congratulated, but it never worked. and then, the overheating is like suicidal thoughts. without validation, i start to become suicidal. i need high amounts of validation to stay in a 'normal' mental state. uzi's classmates treated her as a monster, even before she transformed. just for being herself. as someone who is a queer alterhuman and has known that from a young age, this has really resonated with me. for just existing, i am a monster. a creature of sin. the subtle homophobia and transphobia i recieved from my closest friend, combined with the same hatred towards alterhumanity from even more people before i was even ten really messed me up. the way cabin fever is written just really connects to me. uzi's already so fucked up, she doesnt need another factor ruining up her life. but it does it anyways. she's proven to everyone how she's a monster. (im not elaborating for personal reasons) the fact that uzi's classmates at the end of absolute end didnt really care that much just really helps me feel better. they didnt care. why would my classmates care? 4- gender and sexuality before i even knew girls could kiss girls, i liked girls. in particular, i liked people i had a friendship with. however, my friendships were very messed up and i fell in love with anyone my age who could treat me with decent respect. i headcanon uzi as bi, and i didnt understand why (other than the doc martens) until i connected the dots that im uzi. i am bisexual. maybe? and theres also referring to v as hot at ep 8 so... angsty bi queen uzi but, although me, the almalgamation of kintypes and names that i am, the uzi part of me always feels bisexual. always. when i think of myself as uzi, i can only see myself as demisexual-bisexual and demiromantic-biromantic. this also applies to gender- i am an axenlector user. i collect xenogenders. i am cottoncandygender, i am gendersky, i am gummisharkgender, i am starricattic. i am more genders than i can count. and i dont care honestly. but once again, when i really connect to uzi, i can only see myself as feminine. this does vary from demigirl to rosegirl to just girl. 5- notes and stuff! well, thanks for reading all the way through! a like, reblog, or follow would be awesome! every time i referred to uzi as someone else it was like "why r u talking abt urself in third person! YOU ARE UZI DOORMAN!" but alas, i must differentiate between myself and my kintypes,,, maybe one day i will not have to,,, please tell me im not the only one kkkkkkkkk

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

Hey so idk if you would know this but where did the term canyon in reference to Izzy fans come from? I feel like I just started seeing it like three days ago but everyone seems to already know what it means

lol so disclaimer that this ask has been in my inbox since september 23rd and alsoooo i might not be the best person to ask bc i am belothed by many who consider themselves part of the izzy canyon (which is their right). so if you asked an izzy fan about this you would probably get a different answer. also from what i can tell the term originated on twitter and i don’t go there.

the tl;dr that i heard secondhand from someone who identifies as izzy canyon is that at some point last year (summer or fall-ish i think) a lot of izzy fans were blocking so many people who didn’t like izzy that a lot of them ended up being unaware of general fandom trends and it became a running joke among them that izzy fans were isolated from the rest of the fandom in an "izzy canyon." and then allegedly the term expanded to just mean "if ur not a dick abt ppl liking izzy u can be in the canyon." THAT BEING SAID there are other ppl who had a very different experience with how "the canyon" originated and what kind of fan space it tends to be.

(slightly longer explanation below)

the thing with The Canyon is that to understand its origin and also why some fans have a problem with it, you gotta know two things:

there are annoying puriteen anti types on the internet who think liking certain characters make you a bad person. from what i can tell theyre mostly on twitter and tiktok. these people are annoying but also in my experience they're usually pretty easy to block and ignore.

the popularity of izzy hands is disproportionate to his narrative role in the show, and the popular fanon interpretation of izzy hands casts him not only as a principal character but as a much more sympathetic, righteous character than he is in canon. THIS DOES NOT MEAN I THINK ANYONE IS A BAD PERSON FOR LIKING IZZY. this DOES mean that i think ppl who think ed is izzy's domestic abuser are wrong. and also this is part of an age old fandom trend of fandom favoring a masc white guy who is often a side character and also often an antagonist.

so from what i can tell. in the early days of the ofmd fandom (spring-summer 2022) there was a lot of #1 going around on twitter, screaming about how if you liked izzy hands then you're a racist abuse apologist or something. at one point a throwaway account tweeted a callout for a popular izzy fan and said "we know they live in this area and work for this company, so these are the locations where they might work. everyone should call these numbers and tell their job to fire them. also we're gonna target these izzy fans next" and like, obviously this account was pretty quickly taken down. but it was a pretty scary thing and left a lot of izzy fans pretty paranoid, hence the blocking everyone who didnt like izzy.

(there was also a "izzy hater group chat" twitter account that was literally just a small group of mostly minors posting memes and also abt izzy that got accused of being connected to that whole mess. but afaict those guys have nothing to do with harassment of izzy fans they just dont like izzy)

so the thing is now that all of that has been used to justify shutting down any type of conversation about #2, or writing off anyone who posts meta about izzy that isnt like, "he works so hard and is so unappreciated despite everything he's done for ed" as an "izzy anti." analyzing izzy critically and posting this in the #izzy hands tag on tumblr is likened to genuine harassment.

oh lol and speaking of harrasment: there was also a problem with ppl on tumblr getting anon hate, and izzy fans will tell you that the anon came from an izzy hater who was targeting izzy fans bc the anon messages use "izzy critical rhetoric." however as someone who has posted "izzy critical" metas or whatever, i have actually gotten the same harassing messages accusing me of being an izzy stan and a racist abuse apologist. that's not what a targeted harassment campaign looks like. that's all been less of a problem ever since tumblr made it so you need to be logged in to an account to send anonymous messages.

anyway my stance on all of this:

i don't hate anyone for liking izzy. i am critical of certain comments/behaviors i often see from ppl who identify as izzy fans, but izzy fans are rarely the only ones who have this problem. from what i've seen tho, a lot of it comes from izzy fans.

before i ever saw even a hint of harassment against izzy fans, i saw izzy fans coming onto my posts and to posts by fans of color trying to argue that these posts were contributing to their harassment. from my perspective, it looked a lot like fans of a white character were trying to shut down conversations abt their favorite guy, especially when those conversations were being had by fans of color. i was very skeptical and oftentimes pretty dismissive abt the existence of this harassment.

since then tho ive done a pretty deep dive into the anon harassment on tumblr, and also looked at takes from different perspectives on the whole thing, and my conclusion is that there is harassment of izzy fans, however it is on the same base-level shittiness that most people experience from just... being on the internet. death threats and insults and slurs are literally just part of being on the internet. and yes, it SUCKS and it's wrong and nobody should have to put up with it, but izzy fans are not victims of specific targeted harassment. theyre victims of being on the internet and having to put up with general internet shittiness. and im sympathetic to that up until ppl start using "ive been harassed for being an izzy fan" as an excuse to be incredibly nasty (check out this tumblr acct for examples of what i mean lol). the ofmd fandom is annoying and parts of it are toxic but like, by no means is this the most toxic fandom to ever exist. we're not at "undertale fan giving out cookies with needles in them at a convention" levels just yet.

finally, tangentially related: i am inherently wary of fandom sub-groups that like, name themselves?? in my experience, the more people make being a Type Of Fan part of their identity the more it tends to lead to problems. this goes for fans who label themselves "antis" or "anti-antis" or whatever the fuck. i've personally been called an "izzy anti," an "izzy hater," and an "izzy critical fan" but like, i dont really call myself that?? it just seems weird to me idk. it gets to be very "us vs them" on default with little nuance and ive never found this kind of thing to be like, productive in fandom spaces. but that's just me.

[corvusternion]

Eduardo E Mônica

> requested by @grafitti-translator.

> artist: legião urbana

> the first listen ^nd it w^s very unusu^l in terms of style, ^ lot of guit^rs with ^n old/folk rock-type of vibe. ^t first gl^nce the lyrics seem to be ^bout ^ m^tespritship between trolls, but it ^lso cont^ins some concerning themes (in my perspective).

from the get-go we h^ve:

Who will ever dare to say that there is a reason

For the things that the heart does?

And who will dare to say that there is no reason?

> the pumpbiscuit (or in this c^se, the he^rt) is, of course, linked tow^rds emotions and feelings. feelings ^rent ^lw^ys logic^l- even if you know why youre feeling th^t w^y, theres ^ disconnect between the w^y th^t the body responds ^nd the mind re^sons.

> however, the third st^nz^ directly contr^dicts the first. the l^ck of re^son is complemented by the re^son, fulfilling wh^t would be ^ppropri^te for ^ m^tespritship. ^fter ^ll, ^ m^tespritship built out of solely p^ssion wont l^st. you must be willing to compromise, to le^rn, to be willing to ch^nge yourself (not to ^n extreme extent however) in order to m^ke it work.

> ^ m^jority of this song is b^sed upon the story of eduardo and monica, so ill just reference some of the p^rts th^t c^ught my interest.

Eduardo opened his eyes but didn’t want to get up

Stayed on bed and checked what time it was

While Monica was having a brandy

In the other side of the city

> the obvious ^ge difference between the two is seen time ^nd time ^g^in throughout the song, from monica thinking of eduardo ^s ^ “little boy” to eduardos concerns ^bout being out for too long. ^nd while this isnt ^ red fl^g immedi^tely, i h^ve to ^dmit i r^ised ^n eyebrow re^ding those words.

> eduardo is very simple, in the w^y th^t trolls in ^ schoolhive tend not to worry ^bout ^s much ^s those perigees older might. hes ^lso tr^dition^l, preferring to st^y in his comfort zone ^nd h^ng out with his f^mily.

> on the other h^nd, monica is inclined tow^rds being unique, riding ^ motorcycle ^nd dying her h^ir. shes ^lso ^ very philosophic^l/emotion^l person, enjoying the ^rt of gre^t p^inters such ^s v^n gogh ^nd t^lking ^bout m^gic/medit^tion.

> the differences between the two ^nd their m^tespritship c^n be seen ^s ^n extreme ex^mple of ^n “opposites ^ttr^ct” m^tespritship. but the l^ter st^nz^s dissu^des you from s^ying th^t they h^ve nothing in common:

Eduardo and Monica had swimming, photography

Theatre and handicraft classes and went travelling

> ^ssuming this is ^ he^lthy rel^tionship ^nd neither ^re forcing e^ch other to join these cl^sses, these lyrics depict th^t eduardo ^nd monica still h^ve middle grounds they c^n meet upon, which grounds the “opposites ^ttr^ct” trope seen into re^lity.

> rel^tionships where two people ^re so irrevoc^bly different th^t they c^nnot ^gree on ^nything ^re doomed to f^il. even if it were, s^y, ^ kismesissitude, it would turn de^dly ^fter some time ^nd most likely require ^shen interference. eduardo e monica ^cknowledges this ^nd develops upon their stories more, giving them more depth ^nd their rel^tionship more me^ning.

And the two celebrated together

And also fought together, many times

> ^t first i didnt know wh^t to think of this lyric. theres so m^ny holes in the story th^t we dont know whether this is ^ he^lthy rel^tionship or not. in f^ct, this re^ds more like th^t of ^ v^cill^tion between m^tespritship ^nd kismesissitude. its not uncommon in medi^ for these rel^tionships to exist; however, they tend to be very destructive for both p^rties if not m^n^ged in moder^tion. this leaves eduardo and monicas future ^mbiguous ^nd up to our interpret^tion. yes, everyone s^ys theyre good together:

And everyone said he makes her complete and vice-versa

Just like rice and beans

> hell, they even stick together with e^ch other:

They worked hard for money and managed to hold

Everything together through their toughest times

> but theres just enough wiggle room for us to ^ssume ^ different perspective ^nd still be ^ble to find subst^nti^l implic^tions within the lyrics.

> for ex^mple, the st^nz^ ^bout them fighting often le^ves us questioning: to wh^t extent do these fights go to? is it ^ simple ^rgument between m^tesprits, or is it ^ different qu^dr^nt, or is it perh^ps even ^ toxic rel^tionship? ill le^ve you to dr^w your own conclusions.

> ^nyw^ys, my f^vourite p^rt w^s the beginning:

Who will ever dare to say that there is a reason

For the things that the heart does?

And who will dare to say that there is no reason?

> i ^gree with the mess^ge these lines ^re sending. emotions ^re illogic^l. but over time, they still end up m^king some sort of sense. the he^rt is ^mbiguous, ^s ^re ^ll of us trolls ^s individu^l people; the lines blur ^ lot between wh^t is “re^son” ^nd wh^t is “feeling”.

> in summ^ry, my perspective is th^t while eduardo and monica’s rel^tionship is cert^inly unconvention^l (the ^ge g^p still feels str^nge), there is love to be found between the lines. ^nd perh^ps th^t is the lesson of the song: th^t love c^n be where you le^st expect it.

> feel free to suggest more songs for my ^n^lysis if you w^nt, but i wont get to it quick. i h^ve other things ive been de^ling with.

[tkorules]

yknow the whole hetch (really weird name honestly) betraying ranboo. like. originally i assumed the person sending out "rogue frequencies" and the bypass of their system was done by hetch and that the person in the keynote vidoe (not the showfall media, the other one) was hetch. and like. it still could be but. why would they go to all that trouble? and according to the second special announcement they quite literally had to modify the interactive elements.

so. what was the point? it certainly wasnt meant to make hetch more convincing to ranboo as he saw NONE of it. was it meant to make hetch more convincing to the audience? but why would they need to do that? the audience cannot interfere with the social experiments as long as showfall doesnt let them do so. was it to put on a better show? and let me remind you, hetch almost INSTANTLY got the audience suspicious as soon as he needed to make up an excuse as to why ranboo couldnt leave.

and those notes under the posters. hetch didnt mention them. hetch doesnt claim responsibility for any of that stuff so im like.

actually, lets review the info we've seen about these mysterious person trying to interfere with showfalls plans and if anything seems to contradict them being hetch, or implies it.

specifically, let's go over the special keynote first

so, this person, they, as implied, are either 1. sending out a signal, or following one ("Where is this signal going?") but by their later line, when they finally like. actually connect instead of just glitching the screen and words they say ("Is this working?") seems to imply number 1 is whats happening.

afterwards they state that they dont have much time, and dont know what's going on, which feels like a contrast to hetch pretending to know a lot about whats going on, and the inner workings of showfall (he does acttually know i know im just saying with how he acts with ranboo) . and the next thing..

"I don't know what you are"

which feels.. hetch acts familiar with the audience. he knows about them and presumably knows what we are. its also quite literally on the on the site, that while showfall is adjusting to this new domain, they do seemingly know what they're doing here. and let me specifically highlight the specific phrasing. they say they dont know what we are. not who we are. what. which is like. a whole different level of unfamiliarity.

they then go on to say that it already found him (over ranboo's missing posters.) and says it got everyone but them. now this has several lore implications if you think this person is being honest but we're going to focus on how this seems to imply they're a part of the group , unlike hetch who refers to sneeg as "your friend" not our. which since sneeg is quite literally called the taken and is probably one of the people in the "everyone", so thereotically. sneeg shouldnt just be ranboos friend in that case.

they then declare that they have to save them and stop this.

so tldr of that whole reviewing the special keynote, several things that this person says, are discrepancies when compared with how hetch acts which could imply there is actually someone working against showfall entertainment.

another note, when that person connects with us, instead of it just glitching and such, it just. pauses the video until theyre done.

ANYWAYS

this makes the whole hetch plot thing feel like. theres an actual motivation for doing so. which it could just be entertainment yes but . there are now the possibilities its also to: conceal this persons activities. if its just another part of the show it makes showfall seem more unchallengable. and two. if ranboo manages to remember what happened LAST time, he will be far more inclined to not trust this person if they ever try and contact him.

so. that was my rant hope you liked it.

[heademptynotasinglethought]

No one I know has seen this movie and It wasn’t as good as I wanted it to be and I’m upset

Has anyone seen that movie Fanfic on netflix? Its a polish movie so it has english dub which is how I watched it. So take this into consideration with my opinion on it. Maybe its exceptional in polish idk.

The writing is so bad but it had so much going for it :(

As the title suggests, there’s a reference to fanfiction, what it can do for its readers and the people who write it. But that’s all. A Reference. Its not really something that we focus on throughout the movie and I actually forgot that this is what the movie was supposed to be about halfway through until they throw it back in there at the end for some reason. 

We’re following our main character, an alternative looking teenager with a cool edgy shag cut that hates their life and their parent and uses their fanfiction writing as a form of escapism. They see themselves as a rockstar, dating the character of their dreams, living a life they could never live. I get it I get it seems cool.

But its weird because, the life that our main character is escaping tbh doesnt seem that bad. I mean sure they are unhappy, don’t get along with their father, but also they basically go to euphoria high school so they get to go to all these cool warehouse raves with their huge group of friends all the time? Thats not so bad. Its truly silly like, our character will be out with their large group of friends to this bonfire that they didnt have to go to if they didnt want to but for some reason they brought their laptop with them to write fanfiction. ( how their laptop battery can survive all this I dont know im jealous)

And they see a therapist who seems to be genuinely interested in helping them deal with their emotions in a way that isnt just yelling at people, but alas the world is against them all the time of course. I think what really makes this character not work for me is that there is no internal dialogue? There is initially, like in the first couple minutes of the movie but then they just decided actually nvm? and from then on I just have to guess the main characters thought process and feelings from some longing stares. 

I kept watching despite how much I didn’t like this main character only because the show is nice to watch tbh its pretty. And then I got even more sad because our character finds out that theyre trans. 

Now i just want to like this movie even more right???? But how they find out theyre trans is truly silly. I’m nonbinary and do consider myself trans, sure I dont know everyones experience... but also has anyone ever just decided to put on a pair of jeans, a t shirt, and a jacket and then decided they got the wrong gender? Because our main character does. Its not like he was in drag or something thats just a comfortable outfit for any gender? Have they never been allowed to wear pants before???? I just dont understand. 

The rest of the movie is not that exciting just kind of finding themselves with a love interest who shows up every now and again and isnt too exciting. This movie feels like something that was made to be a show but some higher up said nah so they smashed in to an hour and a half. Why are the characters so flat. Why is our main character the worst in a way thats not intentional? Why cant they wear pants until they find out theyre a boy? 

Am I a girl when I wear mini skirt and a boy when I wear pants?

Also who is our main characters hair stylist I liked his hair before he cut if off I want that please and thank you.

Anyways head empty.

[waterloggedsoliloquy]

i love hearing about original species, so is there anything about amalthea or zizi's that you wanted to talk about but didnt get a chance to in guardian's? :o

i appreciate you askin'!

in any case, i'm very much not a worldbuilding-first kind of creator, the kind that has entire sprawling universes in the background of their works and then builds stories to only encompasse a tiny sliver. my stories come first, and my characters and their world are built to service that story. A lot of this is because i'm building this myself with not much external help, so i only write what i know will be useful to the end goal. I've seen what happens to stories that balloon out of proportion like a decomposing corpse full of gasses (LOOKIN' AT YOU HOMESTUCK).

For example, I needed characters that would be easy to draw over and over again, which ruled out supremely alien-looking aliens. But that's okay, because this isn't a story about speculative biology and never was. The alienness of the characters is just a literary tool.

Amalthea more easily integrates into human society and the roles asked of him, so he can be even more humanoid than Zizi-- all that's weird about him is that he has 4 fucked up eyes, and when he wants to seem more human he can just close 2 of them. Zizi however can't hide their fangs, ears, tail, and paws. My mom said she didn't quite understand why Zizi was referred to through insectoid biology terms despite looking mammalian, but that disconnection is part of the point. Assumptions being made about Zizi and having those assumptions be challenged is part of the story.

Why are Amalthea and Zizi aliens? Why is the US overtly an imperial power? Why does it take place in 1993? Because a story about an orphaned child of color being pressured to testify against the cult they were raised in by the social worker assigned to their case in 2023 would not be a more boring story, but it would be a far more painful and difficult read-- perhaps so difficult and painful that it would scare away the very people it was trying to connect with and comfort. Dissociation is a powerful tool-- the science fiction element of the guardian's dilemma allows for people to approach the feelings and experiences the book posits without having it too closely connected to their own.

This dissociative element of the work is also why Zizi speaks extensively about their abuse but very very little of it is described directly. What exactly they experienced is said mostly through allusion and omission. If you look closely you can make some informed guesses of what I the author might've had in mind, but to make a definitive call on What Abuse Looks Like To Zizi would lessen the effect. It's more important to me that my audience-- most of whom have experienced trauma if not abuse-- is allowed to infer their own experiences and see them reflected in Zizi, rather than me making an authoritative, canonizing call.

all this also keeps the door to this world open for me in case i ever want to revisit it, and i honestly just might. i like these two characters a lot and GD already was a bit shorter than i would have wanted! so who knows what the future holds

[nopesterlogs]

Okay, time to enter the kitchen

I just noticed john is wearing his normal glasses under the fake ones, that can't be comfortable. he really does suffer for his art.

I appreciate the detail in the harlequins arm falling off. not everyone would go to the effort.

why does this have a heartbeat is this whole story gonna end with meeting Dagoth Ur in a volcano

Faceless dad here has baked and decorated an entire cake in like 15 minutes since getting home

> [S] STRIFE! Is john gonna attach his dad with a hammer

dads taking this quite well

or not

okay this was pretty funny. dude could of dropped them any time

heh

yknow for a guy whos backed at least 3 cakes today dads kitchen is really clean. Is he single

John why take his PDA.

Is this how Captchalogue upgrades are normally done? cause that... is inconvienient.

Quest Success. Another Birthday present?

is homestuck so long because its just john messing up the inventory system?

oh hey, number 4!

and... they're gone. they seem nice

TG has absolutely no chill

I can imagine were only starting to see the depths of meta this comic will go honestly

version 0.0.1? im surprised there is even a server yet to play

considering the fact they are the basic way people seem to interact with the world, you'd think it would be like basic knowledge taught in school.

... does john go to school?

how does this world work

???????

hes gonna launch the razor into the fucking computer at this point

close enough

Poor dad. wait how did the glass fall on the inside?

ooh a present from TG. I literally have no idea what to expect

NOOO???

John really needs to be stopped.

okay finally the present

Something suspiciously dirty and smelly.

:/

But no, it is not merely LIKE that bunny. According to this NOTE OF AUTHENTICITY, it is the VERY SAME BUNNY.

I have no idea how much movie memorabilia goes for but i can't imagine its cheap. TG Must be pretty well off.

Looks like Sburb is ready and TT is messaging.

Its got a client and a host so 2P? guess thats TT?

yeah TT is connecting

a, This music is banging

b, very sims, I think i saw "Sewing Mirrors" If I could pause I'd be inclined to read all of them, I wonder if theres anything important in there. is there a list somewhere? otherwise it seems pretty "recalculating Splines"

very sims Select revise and deploy feel like they are kinda self explanatory. but is it for the real world? theres what looks like an item registry? Grist Cache sounds like currency maybe?

last two I dunno but the last one has a punch capcha card?

oh theirs johns FIFO card sweet.

also what the fuck. although considering that other hand is this just a normal thing that's possible in universe?

ummmm what is the range on this thing

mildly convenient

Dads going out for MORE supplies?? why didnt he just get enough the first time??

okay I guess there is a range

the menace deserves to be prodded buy a terrifying game cursor

I like how he responds to the reference

So this game can just rewrite reality? just create matter out of thin air?

Seeing as John already lives a pretty Video gamey life is Sburb more like a mod that allows the host (or client actually which one is John) to effect the base code?

Seems like existence is based on a coded frame work. "It was all a video game" seems a bit too cliché but maybe something like that is happening?

man it even effects the outside too

oh boy nebulous machinery

Cruxtruder - Extrudes something? a Crux presumably

Totem Lathe - Used to carve some kind of totem probably? that seems too simple though

Alchemiter - the Punch card thing had something to do with Alchemy too. Changes things with punch cards?

[mycartoonmonster]

And one of my fav parts is that its implied to not have been one sided on both parts as well as the ending.

In Ford's POV, he was lonely and deep down craved connections and then finally met someone who was so similar to him and could give him what he truly craved as well as helping him solve the mystery of Gravity Falls. Bill was his sun (not kidding that's what Ford calls him in the book) that enriched his life.

In Bill's POV he was the only mortal who came the closest to building the portal and its obvious that he grew too attached to Ford throughout the 9 years of friendship they had, no matter how much he denies it by referring to him as his pet or tool. Heck, Bill wanted Ford to tattoo himself a code that translated said "If lost return to Bill" (Also the +18 innuendos).

Also I think they had the chance to work it out and had the tools to make it work but couldn't

Both have very similar backstories which also heavily affected their relationship with eachother.

Both were born with a genetic mutation that led them to be outcasts and octrasized by the people around them and seem to be closer to their mom than their dad.

But Ford didn't have it as bad as Bill did.

Its heavily implied that Bill despite being loved as a baby, that love dissappeared as he grew up and everyone around him saw Bill as a freak. Bill lacked friends and his parents, even if well intentioned, wanted to turn him "normal" by basically poisoning him. Growing up knowing you're different and everyone judging you and your family for it can mess you up.

And if Euclydia is similar to Flatland; Bill's family was already looked down upon due to being triangles.

All that made Bill start to brew hatred towards his home dimension and its people. And on a minor scale towards his family for not letting himself express. But he still didn't mean to do what he did. He just didn't have anyone to rely on.

Ford, while also being a victim of bullying, at least had Stanley by his side and managed to be friends with Fiddleford in his late teens/early adulthood.

Fildbrick at the very least cared enough to sign his kids for boxing lessons which worked for Stan and Ford when he was stuck between dimensions. And both him and Caryn never forced them to be normal.

That's not to say Fildbrick's parenting didn't mess him up at all; his scientific knowledge was only impressive to Fildbrick if it could give them financial gain, Bill even states Ford wouldn't be welcomed back home by his dad if he didn't have millions. Basically Fildbrick made his kids believe they were only worthy of love and acceptance if they managed to get money/be succesfull and both Fildbrick and Caryn (the latter on a lower scale but still responsible) kinda created Ford's need for recognition and ego and its people who go through abuse the ones who are more likely to end up in toxic and abusive relationships cause they're familiar with it(Heck, Stanley's last words were "Guess I was good for somethin' after all" and like I mentioned previously, it wouldn't surprise me that due to this type of pressure, Shermie left home as soon as he could to live for himself and not be influenced by his dad's ambitions anymore; that could explain why he's the only one of his brothers that seemed to be lucky in life as he managed to get a wife, a kid and two grandkids)

They were freaks who didnt fit in their homes and both of them finally had someone that not only listened but respected them (another thing to point out is that Bill uses his symbol as a nickname rather than mocking him with it or adressing him as a lower being like he does with Dipper and Mabel on a few occasions). Also both were rather egocentric and had a thirst for revenge and proving everyone around that they were wrong about them in the first place.

No wonder they got along so well.

The henchmaniacs were more like henchmen who obeyed their boss aka Bill and when we see them in Weirdmageddon Bill doesn't socialize that much with them and we see that he's not above harming them when hes mad/upset and in the deleted storyboards we see how he treats them. Its more like that gang of friends that just like you cause they can get something from you but when they cant anymore, they will not stick up their necks for you. They were just there for the party and not Bill.

Also Ford was the ony who Bill confessed to what happened with his dimension, while he lied to his henchmaniacs.

But Ford and Bill were eachother's best friend (even if Bill denies that Ford ever meant anything to him)

Hence the betrayal hurt so much.

Ford did so much for someone who only took advantage of him. The closest thing he had to a true friend spent all those years lying and using him. And it was thanks to his manipulations, Ford was blind to Fiddleford's worries and feelings which ended up pushing McGucket away after a 10 year long friendship (also its heavily implied McGucket was pining heavily on Ford, which is why he put up with so much despite all the dangers they went through). Ford was wrapped around Bill´s finger and eating out of his palm and Ford didnt even realized.

Not to mention the phsycological torture Bill made Ford go through; not just using his body for acts of petty revenge but also harming him and leaving Ford very close to the brink of death just so he could reactivate the portal.

All that led to the Ford we see in the flashback of A Tale of Two Stans, paranoid and scared for his life and Bill's plans.

And to prevent them, Ford spent 30 years planning to kill the monster he onced called his Muse not only for his sake but for the multiverse's. Heck, going so far as installing a metal plate on his head so he couldn't torment him that way anymore.

And Bill suffered from it too. He missed Ford and did not take the fallout well. He even went to drink his sorrows away and cried when he was told that they didn't have "one Sixer" there (and then blew the place up in a massacre).

And when Ford crossed the portal, Bill ordered his henchmaniacs to bring Ford to him,alive, in exchange of their own universe. With the context the book provides it seems to be the case that Bill would have kept Ford around even after the betrayal. He grew attached to him, hence he wants Sixer to be brought to him alive; maybe to have the face to face concersation surrounding the portal and the apocalypse that follows.

And even after Ford failed to kill him, Bill didn't seem to care that much (he does keep him suspended in the air unable to move after shooting him before giving him the chance to join his henchmaniacs and limits his movements by chaining him in the Fear-ramid before talking about the barrier though) went back to pestering him but also being so glad he came back, as seen in him sounding so happy when saying "My old pal", leaning over his shoulder, ruffling his hair and flipping his nose. He may no longer be able to posses him via mind nor mess with his neurons but he can still torment him via dreams.

Look at how happy he looks while Ford is clearly pissed off

But still he delivers his threath; Weirdmageddon will happen one way or another.

And while Bill is not over it, Ford looks back and feels nothing but shame and guilt regarding his relationship with Bill, like every other person who has gone through toxic relationships and felt bad for not seeing the signs and being stupid enough to fell for the flattery, the sweet nothings and promises. Which is why he doesn't tell anyone about his relationship with Bill nor the rift, cause it hurts and it would extremly embarassing to think of what his family might say about it amd about him and it would also mean recognizing he's harmed people like McGucket. Ford thinks he's protecting them by keeping quiet about it but in reality hes just protecting himself from any possible shame. Which to no one's surprise, ends up causing Weirdmageddon.

And when it finally happens, Bill instead of getting that mad at Ford for shooting him with intention to kill actually gives Ford praise for the portal and gives him the chance to join his henchmaniacs. Even going as far calling him Fordsy.

But of course, Ford refuses (in the storyboards going as far as to spit on his eye and instead of cleaning it with a snap of his fingers, Bill actually licks it. Gross and freaky and also the closest we'll ever get to a kiss between these two in canon) and instead of getting turned into regular stone, Bill turns him into gold and doesn't have him be a part of his throne, but rather keeps him by his side as a doll/prized posession (he doesn't let go of him in Pt 1 and later uses him as a bell in Pt 2 and places him in one of the arms of his throne, next to him).

And with the Book of Bill we now have better context as to why Bill keeps offering Ford chances to join him.

Bill wanted his Sixer back.

But Bill knows it wont be so easy which is why he tries seducing him with a song first (which fun fact the rats are another way into a human´s heart and Bill used that as a birthday gift for Ford) and when that fails he offers him something that in the past Ford would have accepted without thinking so much about it. But he knows better now and also loves his family which is why he refuses.

Which is why Bill sighs in disappointment at Ford's stubborness. As in 'I really hoped you'd take the smart choice but now you've forced my hand,sweetness'

Also what need was there for Bill to bring him that close?

Also Parallels

Like @ckret2 pointed out, Bill's relationship with Ford is very similar to Mabel and Gideon's; with one falling head over heels for the other, who views him as just a friend and due to his attempts for domination the other sees him as creepy and unattractive. Also both Bill and Gideon hate the sibling of the object of their affections but promise their love interest the chance to have as much power as possible if they just submit to him and become a prized possesion for them. But Gideon accepts Mabel's feelings at the end and decides to let her go but Bill is far more toxic than the chemicals Marie Curie accidently poisoned herself with and refuses to give Ford that chance. It's either Billy or nothing, and Bill would do whatever it takes for his goals even if it means hurting Ford. Or other people Ford cares about.

And then comes the Pines plan and although Ford's more sad over his brother, someone pointed out that this wasn't just killing his brother but his old friend as well, even if what they had was toxic you can't help feeling sad over a toxic relationship ending cause not everything was bad and even Ford states that Bill was to him like a sun in his life at one point. And in this scene he's basically lost the persons that affect most his life.

And after they find about Bill and him, Ford's family doesn't judge him and laugh at Bill's expense instead; he's got a family that loves and supports him. And he can improve for the better.

But Bill doesn't. He's alone and stuck with the consequences of his actions. He's pushed everyone away (His parents are still dead alongside his entire home-there's the possiblity the last atom vaporized with Ford's quantum distabilizer-Ford is finally free and doesn't need him anymore since hes got his family and the Henchmaniacs dont seem that worried about Bill, they have a home now and dont want him back as we saw in Lost Legends) and refuses to recognize he's hurt by his past and get better.

And as much as Id like to Ford to confront him and tell Bill whats what in person Im fine with this ending. Its perfect justice and karma.

Ford is doing better and finally healing while Bill is doing worse.

And that's beautifull.

as funny as everything is, i really am genuinely impressed and honestly really grateful for how bill and ford's relationship is depicted. it's rare to have an abusive relationship shown in kid's media, and even rarer for one to be realistic AND be treated as unhealthy. obviously the circumstances are fantastical (possession, dream gods, etc.) but the abuse in the relationship is honestly very realistic. like the things that bill does to ford- threatening to leave him for another, blaming him for the things that bill does to him, isolating him from his friends and family, making him heavily dependent on bill- these are all genuine tactics used in abusive relationships and i guess i'm just really grateful and happy to not only see this depiction, but to see ford healing from it. that he's finally able to break away from it, to tell his family about it and have them support him. that is just such a wonderful thing and i love it.

[32ratsinatrenchcoat]

Chapter 19 - Mean girls

Chapter masterlist

Frisk slips out a bombshell

3rd person pov

"My face feels like its been smothered with yogurt." Frisk complained, eyeing himself in the mirror. "You look like a yogurt." Haley countered "What's that supposed to mean?" Haley just laughed and pulled out a whole bag of medical equipment (beauty and skincare products).

"What does this face yogurt even do?" He let his fingers lightly touch, earning a small tut  from Haley who gently took a hold of Frisk's wrist and moving it away from his face, "Its a deep pore cleanse mud mask." Haley explained. "Ohh, I think my old girlfriend used to use those two" He stated, earning furrowed brows from Haley, "old girlfriend, huh?" Her voice was pointed, something our beloved (yet oblivious) Frisk of course didnt pick up on, "Yeah, Daisy.. Dolly.. D something uh... oh! Darcy! Darcy yes!" He crossed his legs. "And what bundle of joy was she? Did you use to do skincare with you too?" Haley grumbled. "Huh? No way, she wouldnt even let me touch any of her creams or serums let alone use them." Haley's face lightened at that, "So you'd say I'm better than her then? For sharing my products with you." "You'd still be better than her even if you hogged them to yourself like youre Gollum with the ring." Haley's nose scrunched at that, "Lord of the rings reference? Really? Youre such a nerd" she giggled. "Hey! I am not a nerd!" Frisk defended himself. "You referenced Lord of the rings, you compared me to gollum, which is someting I take slight offense to but I'll let it slide cause its you, seems like pretty nerd behaviour to me."

Frisk dramatically pointed a finger at his chest, "I am not a nerd! In fact I was one of the popular kids in high school I'll have you know." Haley's eyes widened, "You? No way! .. I see it actually. Did you have gossip sessions? Were you judgy? Oh my god please tell me you werent one of those who were complete a-holes.. er.. me." She added bashfully. "Judgy? Please, I was the epitome of judgy. Regina George can step aside, high school me was something else." Haley stared at him in complete awe, "Where has this hidden beauty been hiding all this time?" He laughed at that, "Tightly concealed under my layers of sympathy and compassion for my next of kin." It was Haley's turn to laugh now. Their conversation swiftly got broken by the alarm for the face masks rang, giving Haley a new focus.

As Haley cleaned off their masks, Frisk spoke up once more, "Youre way better than Darcy though, like, way." Haley raised an eyebrow, smiling, "oh? How so?" "Well, youre nicer, more down to earth. Not to mention you let me into your house even though I showed up at like, 9PM." Frisk started. Haley moved her head to the side, "Well, yeah? I mean I lo- I- youre my boyfriend, why wouldnt I?" Frisk just shrugged at that. "I thought it was common decency to .. you know." Haley moved a loose strand behind her ear. "Where I'm from uh... its slightly very much more uptight than here, status and reputation was important, showing up out of the blue could ruin a perfectly crafted schedule and- eh, forget it, you get the picture."

Haley pulls out under-eye masks, guiding Frisk on how to place them, before sitting back, seemingly in deep thoughts. "Penny for your thoughts?" Frisk moved around, laying his head shamelessly in Haleys lap. "You're so less Alex-y than I thought at first." He furrowed his brows and smiled, "what?". Haley met his eyes, "Y'know, Alex-y. Its funny, I always thought I'd end up with Alex, I was just waiting for him to confess, then you came along and.. funny how things work out, no?" She ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, funny" Frisk grimaced. "Oh don't be like that. You're way better than Alex; kinder, prettier-" "less of an airhead" "mm.. nah, I'd say you're both about equal there" "Hey!" Frisk grabbed his chest in faux-offence, earning a giggle from Haley.

The two fell in a comfortable silence, before Haley spoke once more, "So why did you come? I mean don't get me wrong I'm happy that you're here I just.. I don't know, you seemed upset" She scratched lightly at his scalp with her manicured fingernails. Frisk sighed and closed his eyes, "Its uh... JJ doesn't want to talk about shit that goes anything else than whats above the first two layers of skin, anything that could possibly go deeper and she shoos me off like I'm some kid who doesn't understand emotions and troubles, I mean, okay, your chance at asking Sophia out on a date was botched, that doesn't mean it can't happen! I mean my girlfriend literally insulted me when we first met and now look at us!" He ranted before opening his eyes, smiling apologetically, "sorry, didn't mean to rant."

Haley blinked, "JJ likes Sophia?" Frisk's eyes widened, "I wasn't supposed to say that I-" Haley quickly jumped up from her spot on the bed, "I gotta go- eh- I'll be- I'll be right back mkay? Great!" She kissed his forehead and ran out the door. Frisk stared at the open bedroom door and blinked.

"What on earth was that?

[sajaffery]

unblock...2...

thank you gobstikelsa1970..although i blame you for having to break one of my earlier rules. this was supposed to be all part of the same post. which started yesterday and was supposed to continue and continue until tumblr officially decided to kick me off their website altogether for being a nuisance and a show off at which point i would be forced to roam the face of this earth with words pouring out of my fingers into the thankless earth. sorry. i kind of got ahead of myself there. but ive decided to continue this on a seperate post, titled the same with a few sad dots and a 2 at the end. perhaps my two followers wont hate me so much anymore, and they might even ask other people to follow me. although they seem to only be interested in large naked men with bulging muscles. i hope thats not why they added me for i can only ever be a large naked man with a bulging stomach. they might be into that, after a few beers, maybe a couple of tequila shots and five hundred years of solitude. another cliched literary refernce. see earlier post for reference and explanation for terrible grammer and spelling. fuck dead white old men! were they old? i cant remember. and I cant go back and check either. you certainly can. but you wont. because youve got better things to do, like continue reading this post. emoticon alert. okay this is starting to get repetitive. I’m making the same jokes as yesterday. its probably a good thing i cant go back and reread my posts because then i definietely would be cracking the same jokes again and again. or i might be able to build on them and improve them. isnt that what all writers do? Bukowski certainly does. I’ve read three books by him and countless short stories and it seems to be the same books over and over again with very similar characters, especially women. doing the same things over and over again and him just finding us better ways to tell us about it. so I guess I can do that. but I cant rered what I wrote yesterday so I cant. and I’m not great. by any stretch if the imagination. but then neither was Bukowski. another reason why my wife cant read this, she’d pick up the laptop and smash it over my head for saying that.                          (FORCED DELETION)

I FUCKING HATE DONALD TRUMP. compared to him, i’m jesus christ. i.e. impossible to hate. everyone loves jesus, even the people who hate bible bashers because the man just talked about love. and he had cool hair. the poor guy was even ready to marry a prossi. how fucking awesome can you get. my mum called me jesus the other day because she was yelling at me and i just kept smiling at her. thats how amazing the man was. although it does kind of help the argument that he might have been deluded. even mad. huh. i didnt think of it like that. not a very nice thing for my mum to have said. hmmm. i’m blanking for a bit. oh new rule! i have to tell you, i say you even though i know nobody is reading this, and if someone is…cringe!!! but yes i have to tell you why i stopped writing yesterday because i wrote down i have to go to work but thats not good enough as an excuse because i’m actually at work as i write this. my work involves sitting behind a counter with a laptop infront of me and ignoring every customer who walks in as much as i can. yes i’m a till jocky and not the cool kind like randall from clerks, but more the sad kind like Dante because he hates being there but has nowhere fucking else to go. my parents own this place. hence my dad being a rich capitalist and my being a fake socialist. and ive been stuck here for the last six years now and i reconize 90% of the people who walk into this place and i want to punch atleast 90% of those 90%. I cant punch the rest of the 10% because theyre too fucking old. not because I like them. wow I hate a lot of people. no. no. this is just a symptom me hating myself again. it has to be I’m starting to come out like a monster in this post, my two hypersexualised followers are going to be defollowing me any second. can you find out if someone has defollowed you? do you get a little notification for that? like you do when someone is following you. such and such person is no longer following you. LOSER! me. not them. i’m the dumpee remember, not the dumper. maybe this is me. maybe this is why i’m writing this, because i cant possibly hope to tell anyone any of these things. not face to face anyway. who would want to listen? God knows I wouldn’t. except maybe if i was getting paid for it. even then. clearly ive gone through medical school or at least graduate school to be sitting there and getting paid to listen to this crap and eventually i’d reach a point where i’d want to get this person out of my room, out of my face out of my life, just as far away from me as possible, wow. i want to stop writing this now. i suddenly dont feel great. and i feel tired