#why did i not realize this sooner??

[dollypopup]

I can't stop thinking about Colin on his travels. Colin, alone, on a journey to 17 different cities, across several countries. Colin on his own.

Colin who writes letter after letter, to his family, to his friends, and barely gets a response back. How long before he understands that they didn't get lost in the mail? How long until he realizes that, just like when he was a boy, no one has the time for him? The space for him? How many letters unanswered before he lets it finally take root and fester in his mind?

He could have died on that tour.

Would they even notice? Would they see when the letters slow until they cease? Would they wonder why? His mum, surely (maybe, possibly, but she has enough on her hands, besides, and he's never been a concern, in need of her assistance, before), but anyone else? Anthony on his honeymoon, Eloise a stormcloud personified, Benedict taking on the familial responsibilities, Fran preparing for the marriage mart and in Bath, regardless. Daphne, his closest sister, a mum running her own estate.

Greg and Hyacinth who enjoy his stories, but are children.

Pen who ignores him. No explanation, no goodbye.

Colin who has no one in his corner. Colin who travels city to city, putting on personas. Will they like me? What about now? Colin who has hardly anything to read from the people he loves. Who do not think of him.

And yet he thinks of them. Brings them back gifts, writes his recollections for them until it hits him that, oh, they don't care. They don't care what he's doing, how he's doing. They didn't want to hear it before, when he was there with them, and they do not want to hear it now, either. Did they even open those envelopes? Did they see them come through the post, just as proof he's alive, and shrug off the contents? Did they look? Once, Colin sends an empty page. No one notices. Easier, then, to send just the outsides. People only ever care about the outsides. Pretty and prim in neat packages, uncaring of what lies beneath. Sea sick on the rocking boats, staring up at stars on the continent, Colin grows aware, but not bitter. Sad, but resigned.

He loves his family, he loves Pen, loves them to grace, loves them to it's okay. It was him, he determines. Too chatty, his letters too long, uninteresting, his passions dull or droll, or else, worse, he's displeased them in some way. Colin who takes refuge in stranger's arms and homes, who dreams and tries to sate his curiosity. Colin who pretends, because anyone, anyone but him would be received better, he's sure of it. Colin who must talk too much, surely, and with no one to listen. Colin who learns to hush.

Yes. Remarkable- as in, I have many remarks about it.

How many times did he go to excitedly write of what he did that week, and stopped himself, knowing it was a waste? How many times did he write and throw into the fire a letter asking Why don't you see me? Why don't you care?

If he didn't make it, how long would it take for anyone to notice? A month? Two? A year? Would they wave it off as his frivolity, denounce him as a flake and fume about the funds? Would they wonder where it was he had lost himself off at?

He cannot fall into that, so, he writes in his journal, instead. Of the ache of it, of how he longs for connection, for understanding, for someone to take him seriously. He keeps it with him, this log of his discontent, of his folly and felicity, of his pitfalls and pains.

If he didn't make it, would they realize all that's left of him is what he sent them, not even a body to bury? Did he look over the side of a bow of a boat and look at the churn of the ocean and think of how many bones it held? Did he tip his face to the sun? How many new scars did he earn? Who did he befriend?

Who did he become?

Somewhere along the line, Colin learned. He learned the real him wasn't wanted.

Somewhere along the line, somewhere between Patmos and Paris, Colin left Colin behind.

And, somewhere along the line, Colin laid face to face with loneliness in his bed, and it wrapped its arms around him.

[tiniest-hands-in-all-the-land]

Heyooo! I spent the last year creating an incredibly self indulgent Ronadora Pinup calendar!

❤💜Pre0rder here!! ❤💜

I'm putting them up for preorder from today (12/06/23) to 12/16/23! Orders are to United States only, for now. This is my first time selling, so plz be kind ;w;

(And shoutout to @biscuitgeekery for the awesome product photos!)

[dykedvonte]

wanted to say I appreciate your nuanced takes on MW and especially Curly. i don't get the claim that the fandom is full of Curly apologists when majority (esp yt and tiktok) say he's worse than Jimmy. Yes there's commentary about bro culture defending people, he def messed up in trying to placate Jimmy (tbh "we'll fix this" sounded more like trying to keep someone prone to outbursts like Jim calm and not hurt Anya/himself) but I don't think he did nothing to help Anya, since she continued to confide in him and he had less than a week to resolve it before the crash (I also don't get everyone saying he knew for ages when it seems like Anya told him that same week). I get Jimmy's a pos but saying stuff like Curly should've known he'd crash the ship or that Jim had a criminal record he ignored, reducing them to obviously horrible villain and willfully ignorant sidekick feels like a disservice to the game. If your best friend turned out to be horrible, what would you do in a confined space in the span of a few days to respond? I'd say some of the horror comes from trying to do good but ultimately failing, Curly's state after the crash is meant to be tragic horror not revenge/punishment

Thank you and this is what I want to get across.

A lot of information we have to supplement when it comes to how long things have been happening on this current ship. I think people try to add on to the horror and negligence by making things more obvious so it can feel like it was easier to avoid when, true to life, its not. Jimmy clearly didn't deserve or appreciate what Curly did for him in getting him the job, but do you think if Jimmy was that big of a menace on Earth he would've given him a position where he could have that level of power over people's lives? There's something in the fact he specifically chose to pick a position so close to himself where he could watch Jimmy.

I hate the bro code argument because that is a whole can of worms people really don't get. That sort of mentality is born from the general respect and preference of male matter over female ones. Curly is clearly not that guy, he is absent minded about the issue and inadvertently dismissive but he clearly believes Anya, he just can't understand what she's going through. It's an onslaught of information that no one really reacts right to. Additonally, the entire discussion of her assualt plays to heavy into the idea that there is fault outside of the perpertratior when it comes to SA. It's too close if she only did this or if Curly had protected her better but the fact of the matter is Jimmy did what he did. He did it before any of the conversations with Anya about it and it's why her behavior seemed to change so drastically in those last two days.

He has other conflicting thought and while his role as a Captain should've taken over, people act like it's not a very human thing to have such a toxic presence cloud your judgement. It is never easy to separate friend from coworker once that connection is formed, you want to help them, especially if they were friend first and for a long while like in this case. It's not right, but people act like it would be easy when the game clearly points out that no choice is easy to make, especially when you have to make it for more than one person. You have the weigh the consequences, look at all the options and make a plan. People can headcanon and decide how long things where happening, but if we look at what we were presented through the characters eyes, the only person given time to do that was Jimmy.

He waited two months after the crash to appoint himself Captain. Every time a problem was brought up he immediately took action and refused to sit on it and find a better solution. I think it's important to look at the warped way Jimmy takes initiative where Curly didn't as it works as a good contrast of why you don't just run in to "fix" things. The quickest and easiest option may not be the safest or most beneficial. I think some thoughts on the game suffer from the black and white thinking the game doesn't operate on along with us being voyeurs. We see what exactly led to what but the characters don't. They don't have the hindsight and foresight we do and even ours is scrambled by the non-linear story telling.

Like it's hard to talk abuou those grey zones without sounding like an apologist because you're explaining why taking responsibility isn't easy. It's not and it's weird to act like it would be in a scenerio that led up to the events of the game knowing what we know. We see all these characters in such isolated moments with various things before, in between, after and even during we aren't privy too. The idea that Jimmy is worse than Curly heavily banks on the words Jimmy was saying to Jimmy before he crashed the ship. That whatever happened on the ship was his responsibility to bare, which is true due to his position. But, are they not still not responsible for taking the actions Curly then must bare?

Like i feel like people think that these are situation that become easier with age or when you are in a postion of authority and they aren't. You don't lose your biases or gain some sudden knowledge that makes it easier. It just becomes more tiring as you keep dealing with it. I would be first in line to say Curly fucked up and should've done more but the idea he knew how bad it could get or he really saw the worst in the people around him and ignored it pretty much ignores a huge aspect of his character and the game.

[asthmaticplushiedragon]

Friend: So who was your Gender awakening?

Me: ??? I didn't know that was a thing??? Who was yours?

Friend: hmm. Pidge Holt, I think--

Me: --OMG MY GENDER AWAKENING WAS PIDGE

[miodiodavinci]

head in hands like "maybe i should have realized this about myself sooner" as i am surrounded by neon flashing signs that Very Clearly Indicate the thing i should have realized about myself sooner

[electricpurrs]

well now isnt that funny

[hawaiiparty2]

Some SELF-ISH oc doodly doodles because IM BORED AS FUCK AND I INDEED NEED TO DO SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE OKAY.

*cries*

Disclaimer: this was just a joke, Earl's eye is not a separate person or something like that

Hi pookie!!!

Dr.sunshine? More like, dr.sunSHIT hahahahah

hey... does that hurt, like, opening your face in half hurts. why is your face mostly a mouth. what are you eating for your mouth to be that big. and dont say your mama

[kavehpilled]

I AM WAITING?????? I HAVE BEEN WAITING?????? I WAS BORN WAITING?????? WHAT COULD I BE???????????

[lesbianfakir]

I’m always writing these damn breakup texts at 4 in the morning

[dragontamer05]

Reason #???? Why Iruma is great,

They take the whole trope of a character choosing not to tell others about a thing only to later be shamed for it and treated like it’s a bad thing and chuck it out the window.

Instead saying that it is perfectly alright not to tell everyone (yes even your closest friends) everything. You’re allowed your secrets and being respected for that choice.

That being friends can mean both being able to tell them anything you want/need to but also equally means being able to feel comfortable not having to share in everything and keep secrets.

Which is especially important given a big part of the series is our main character Iruma dealing with having to keep the big secret that he’s actually human and not a demon (and being terrified of what may happen should they find out)

Which comes to conflict when he starts to consider should he tell his friends the truth? Leading to him having a talk with Azz’s mom who basically questions and brings up the whole idea of ‘is a friend someone you HAVE to tell everything too?’

Some good shit right here.

[ophernelia]

Lykaia sets aren’t real. I don’t play in them. So why have I been fussing with functional floor plans for months!! I could’ve been using deco stairs to make the sets look more interesting! I’m so mad at myself! I always make more work for myself than I need to.

[just-a-silly-dog]

forever wishing I could have known I was trans/therian at a younger age, so much hurt and depression could have been avoided

pushing away any ideas of being an animal because it wasn't safe made me lose the connection with my animal self for years, I want to regain that connection no matter what it takes

I felt a strong connection to the wolf figure and yet I never thought it was out of the ordinary, I remember really admiring those that could draw it, I thought I just liked the way people's art looked, but the truth is I've always been drawn to those that draw wolves because to me it was a powerful act of self expression, and looking back on it now I had wished I had that form, it was like gender envy but instead it's species envy but at the time you don't really register it as such

I deserved to be my true self, this world is too cruel to people like me and I mourn for the childhood that was stolen from me

how many other therians went their whole childhood wondering why they felt like they never fit in only to discover that they're animals as an adult? why weren't we blessed with the gift of self discovery like the others?

perhaps I'll never get over it, the lost time, the lost potential for connections, the fact that I've lost that connection with my true self, it all hurts so much

newly awakened adult therians deserve better

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

one thing abt me is that I cannot brainstorm about my characters/wips for the life of me (brain is blank unless I’m drafting) and I’m thinking the reason is because I’m soooo used to lonan and harrison and their stories so they’re not as exciting to me as they once were when I WAS unable to stop thinking about them so what I’m saying is I’m going to spend the next few months mentally planning their wedding <3

[timeisacephalopod]

That same friend who kept accusing me of writing self inserts (despite the characters only having pretty surface level similarities to me) also rode my ass for AGES about why I'd change my name from my legal name to Winter instead of something that sounds more like my legal name. It was extremely annoying and frustrating to have that conversation like every two weeks until finally I told her I fucking hated my legal name, why the hell would I change my name to something similar to a name I hated??

After that, and only after that she finally left it alone. She also rode my ass about why I use feminine pronouns if I'm nonbinary because shouldn't I be more comfortable with they/them pronouns, which were then shoved onto me despite me saying I'm comfortable with she/her pronouns and I'm realizing this was a fucking garbage friendship. Like I'm not by any stretch claiming to be perfect during all this, but like fucking Christ at least I didn't constantly undermine this friends favorite hobby by claiming they can't write shit but themselves over and over again, insult their name choice, and try and misuse pronouns because she didn't get why I didn't want to switch them (which is no one's damn business by the way don't do this to nonbinary people, it's invasive and fucked up and they don't owe you pronouns that make you more comfortable or that you understand, pronouns people use aren't about you.)

[malhare-archive]

I just realized that Ennard thought Michael was William, which gives them using the line "I know it was an accident" (said in Elizabeth's voice) in an attempt to manipulate him into opening the door an entirely new horrible context

[bitchapalooza]

When you realize the “panic attacks” and “anxiety attacks” you have are not all just panic or anxiety attacks but are in fact meltdowns bc panic and anxiety attacks do not include self harm such as hitting yourself, hitting your head on the wall or other surfaces, pulling your hair, and biting yourself…