#why did i do that?

[tatennant]

"I have lost things you will never understand."

[r-jc]

PIPIS BREAD!!! wjat

[pocket-jack]

Just for you to know... My style of drawing Killer had changed... AND HE LOOKS LIKE A BUM NOW!!

Just look at this guy!

Ok, I know there he actually looks like a homeless guy, but...

Does this guy really show any signs of property? Or rent? Or anything?

[his-unh0ly-wh0re]

Getting picked up tonight~

[thomstrainers]

radiohead was right i really do do it to myself

[logosbot-tm]

*points at my tumblr dms *

I don't go there. It frightens me.

[alicealmost]

I created a devianart account

I don't know how to use it

[alvinmichaelmurphyseville]

“So, I unwisely tried the ADHD meds Simon made again yesterday. For whatever reason one wasn’t enough for full 2.0 me. He took two extra after I took the first one.”

“Simon is now in charge of dispensing the meds so this can never happen again.”

“Boy, yesterday was INTERESTING. I was full on logic mode, emotionally distant, I was probably the most productive person on the planet, but I was not myself in any way. I didn’t smile, didn’t laugh, had no big ideas, no funny jokes, and I even ate a salad with TOMATOES in it.” (SHUDDER)

“Everyone was scared out of their wits and rightfully so. It feels so good to be, I dunno…balanced out again.”

“Dave’s still making me try one a day for school for a month, so…here’s hoping that they are a lot less intense than that with a proper dose.” 🤞🏼

[arcane-vagabond]

Made the mistake of thinking about the election for more than ten seconds. Brb having a panic attack

[jutajutek]

Just putting my talking goober here for everybody to see (if you haven't seen it on my streams) (LOOK AT THE EAR WOBBLE WHEN TALK!!!!!)

[nightbirdz]

you ever just get hit by the fact that the way you talk is not normal and it's because you've carefully constructed a small community of like minded people online that you can vibe with in gremlin speak but when you're talking to people in real life you have to backtrack and remember what's socially acceptable? yeah.

anyways here's to the time I tried making friends and I called Darth Vader a 'malewife' irl

[onboardsorasora]

You ever daydreamed and in the dream you do something clumsy or embarrassing? And it's like wow even in a fictional world of my own making the real me still finds a way.

[snailygoon]

What kind of idiot would do a handstand against a door that they are already aware is broken, just to end up falling into their closet and injuring their shoulder??? Couldn’t be me

[youchangedmedestiel]

Dean needs Cas and wants him to stay

Maybe someone has already done that, probably, but I needed to do it, because I started to think about how Dean doesn’t want Cas to leave starting from season 8 because one, there is no bunker, no real home before this season, except maybe at Bobby’s. Two, in season 4 and 5 Dean and Cas are not that close, their bond is only being developed slowly in season 5 since Cas is not being brainwashed anymore and most of the time he is searching for God. Three, in season 6 Cas works behind Dean’s back to fight Heaven’s war and Dean isn’t happy about it because Cas doesn’t tell them much about what his plan is, and they spent a year apart before that. Four, in season 7 Cas is supposedly dead, then Emmanuel and then not himself and Dean is still mad at him for the betrayal. Meg keeps them posted on Cas’s evolution anyway.

Finally, in season 8, Purgatory happened, their first hug happened and Dean did say he needed Cas. I mean DUH. So let’s see how much he needs him and wants him to stay. Let's hurt together.

Season 8: Cas crushing Dean’s heart repeatedly by leaving

Dean feels guilty for failing Cas and not being able to get him out, he alters the reality of his memory, not being able to accept the fact Cas gave up and left him, especially after he said he need him. But when Cas comes back from Purgatory, he leaves Dean multiple times. First, after killing Samandriel, Dean tells him to wait before he vanishes and even says his name once he is gone (8x10). Sam and Dean actually finds the bunker only in episode 8x13. Later, Cas lies about searching the other half of the demon tablet and Dean says “Without us?” And then, Cas grabs the angel tablet leaving Dean alone and emotionally hurt in the crypt (8x17). Dean put his heart out and Cas just crushed it, so he has a hard time forgiving him for that, but despite being mad he hopes he will come back to him as Naomi highlights it wisely (8x19). When he comes back, Dean is really mad at him for not trusting him and leaving (8x22).

Season 9: Dean has to ask human!Cas to leave the bunker, their hearts are crushed

As soon as Dean knows angels are searching for Cas and that Cas is human he tells him to go in the bunker immediately. When they reunite, Dean’s reaction to Cas’s death is really something, the shaking voice as he says his name, realizing Cas is gone, and the soft “Yeah” as Cas calls him when he wakes up. This season Cas doesn’t leave Dean, Dean is the one asking him to go because he doesn’t have any other choice and it hurts Cas (9x03). But Dean is hurt too since he tells Sam "Hey, look, nobody wants him here more than I do, okay?" (9x04). Dean does go check on him as soon as Cas called him about a case (9x06). Dean has to send him away a second time because of Gadreel (9x09). He apologizes later to Cas for that, now that he is back to help him (9x10). Then, Dean starts to feel the effect of the Mark of Cain starting from episode 11, so he is not really himself, especially after killing Abaddon (9x21). He knows that Cas is away searching for a way to bring the angels back to Heaven and stop Metatron, Cas updates them. But when he doesn’t answer his phone and seems to be missing, Dean orders Sam to go find him while he takes care of Gadreel (9x18).

Season 10: Dean is affected by the Mark of Cain and Cas searches for a cure

Dean is really affected by the Mark of Cain, so not really himself. However, he tells Cas “I’m glad you’re here, man” after he helped Sam cure him (10x03). Then, Cas is away most of the time to help Claire (10x09, 10x10 and 10x20) and to find a cure to save Dean. They help him with Claire a little bit. Mostly, this season Cas works with Sam to find a way to remove the Mark of Cain.

Season 11: Dean wants to save Cas and Cas’s body

Dean wants to go find Cas after Cas called him when he was affected by the attack dog spell (11x01). Then, he doesn’t want to call Cas to disturb him in his binge-watching at the bunker, because he had a rough go (11x04 and 11x05). Sam tells Dean they might need help from Cas to find Amara and Dean knows it, but he doesn’t want to ask him that, saying he had a rough go lately. Sam highlights that they all did. Dean looks away, makes dimples of discontent, and finally agrees to call him, but he doesn’t really want to. He prefers Cas staying safe at the bunker (11x06). Dean is the one searching for Cas (actually Casifer) when they are back at the bunker after killing the banshee (11x12) and discovers that he is gone, telling Sam he was weird when he saw him earlier. When Dean discovers that Cas said yes to Lucifer, he doesn’t want to believe that he doesn’t want to be saved and wants to save him anyway (11x14 until 11x18). He even faces Amara, putting himself at risk, to allow Sam to go save Casifer (11x21). He worries about him again when Casifer is going to fight against Amara one on one (11x22).

Season 12: Dean tries to prevent Cas from being killed

Dean wants to go with Cas that found a lead on Lucifer but Cas refuses (12x03). Dean just wants to go home when Cas almost dies (12x12). Through this season, after searching for Lucifer, Cas is searching for Kelly Kline, updating them/Dean regularly on his findings (12x04, 12x13 and 12x15), that’s how Dean notices Cas sounding weird as he goes in Heaven. And when Cas doesn’t call Dean for days, he is worried and searches for him even before Sam suggests it (12x18). He finally comes back and Dean is mad because they were, well mostly HE WAS, worried. But then, Cas leaves him again, stealing the Colt from under his pillow. Later, once again, he runs away with Kelly. And another last time, he forces them to fall asleep and leaves (12x19). At last, Cas dies and Dean falls on his knees next to his dead body after screaming “nooo” to try to stop him to go after Lucifer in Apocalypse world (12x23). Dean’s worst fear has come true, he definitely loses Cas.

Season 13: Dean is grieving, then terrified to lose Cas again

Dean grieves Cas really hard for 5 episodes. When Cas comes back he is so happy again and he doesn’t want him to go alone again to find Jack and wants to go with him, but Cas stops him, as a last resort Dean tells Cas “don’t do anything stupid” (13x07). Cas ends up kidnapped by Asmodeus. The knight of Hell calls Sam to give update about Jack (13x08 and 13x09). Dean apologizes for not being able to notice Cas was kidnapped, saying they would have search for him if they knew (13x13). Cas wants to try to find help from angels but Dean isn’t happy about it, doesn’t agree at first and finally says “just don’t get dead again”, as a last resort again (13x19). Dean is just too scared to lose him again.

Season 14: Dean is having his family in the bunker all together

Most of the time Cas is gone with Jack to work a case, when he is not in the bunker with them, which is not a problem for Dean because this means Cas will come back with Jack at the bunker. Actually, he is almost always here, at least “for a few weeks”, because Dean tells Sam he saw Cas going out of the bunker early in the morning to stretch his legs and that he understands why he needs it (14x16).

Season 15: Dean is mad and finally asks Cas to stay in his own words

The first eight episodes Dean is mad at Cas, he is mad at everything actually. Even mad and after saying awful things, he asks Cas where he is going when Cas decides to leave (15x03). He doesn’t want him to break all contact when he says that Cas should check the messages Sam sent him (15x06). Dean comes back after hearing Cas’s messages saying that Sam was hurt. It’s the first time they see each other after Cas left the bunker. They stand in the war room and Cas leaves after saying Sam is ok and Dean is not happy about it. He probably wanted to talk but he couldn’t himself and Cas either (15x07). Dean is still mad at Cas for leaving as he says “Maybe if you didn't just up and leave us.” But finally, in his prayer to Cas, scared as hell to lose him again, he admits that he should have stopped him, that he forgives him “of course” and that he is sorry (15x09). When Cas leaves the bunker in the middle of the night to find another way to stop Chuck and save Jack, Dean asks him twice where he is going (15x15). And finally, Dean asks him one last time not to leave him, telling him “Don’t do this, Cas”, when Cas is sacrificing himself to summon the Empty and save Dean.

To summarize:

As soon as they had a real home, being the bunker, Dean wanted Cas to stay with them. He never told him clearly, probably thinking Cas doesn't want to stay, but he showed it so many times. Despite all his effort, he loses him countless times. The last time he loses him, Dean does say “Don’t do this, Cas” trying to stop him, he asked him to stay in his own words but Cas just left anyway, to save him. (Shit, I need to end this on a positive note). But Dean finally is able to reunite with him again in Heaven, where he can’t lose him anymore. (Alright, that’s better).

[system-reset]

wait. did I... did I put the doritos in the freezer..?

[gay-kurapika]

For real I still have nightmares and traumatic flashbacks about my abuser and I think I really need help. Like I’ve been thinking for several days about things that happened and I cannot stop this thought process for hours. Like I can’t get it out of my head that on the night that ended up in this big explosive Thing she spent over three hours literally yelling at me about everything she hated about me and how she hoped I would die. Knowing full well that I was suicidal. That she threw a plate of food and a soda on the floor and I got on my hands and knees and cleaned it up while she yelled at me about how worthless I am and how she was a basically a saint for putting up with me. How when I called my friend later, in the privacy of my own room, and asked her to distract me, my abuser got mad at the fact that she could hear me laughing at a stupid joke my friend had told me to help me stop crying through my door and told me I was so selfish for being happy. It was a forced laugh because my friend was trying to help me, and I wanted to stop crying. It wasn’t about her at all. And I was so far gone in my abuse that I literally couldn’t even tell anyone that this kind of thing was my daily life with her. I would fucking defend her intentions.