#why did anyone think it was a good idea to call it a blip

[abeautylives]

Imperfect Moments - Chapter One

a/n: This is my first intentional series, I hope you love it 🥹 I don’t have a posting schedule in mind but I do have several chapters already locked and loaded.

Series Masterlist

pairing: Jakexfemale!reader

word count: 1.4k this chapter

series summary: You’re in love with your best friend. His twin brother hates you. Or does he?

warnings: none this chapter aside from a little language

jake_gvf just posted a photo

The notification appears and you flick it away.

Jake’s updates are the rarest and yet they irritate you the most. Josh had convinced you to follow everyone in the band, to “keep up with us when we’re gone,” and you’d done it simply because he’d asked. On the off chance that he’s posted a picture including his twin, you decide to open the app.

So pretentious. Bitch, you’re not a pirate.

Lame.

You leave the comment, knowing he’ll never see it.

When your phone starts ringing in your hands, you can’t help but smile as your favorite picture of Josh’s face graces the screen.

“Joshua, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“You’ve really done it now, darling,” your heart rate picks up at the nickname, “Jake’s pissed.”

“Pissed about what?” You’re actually confused. You haven’t seen or even been in the same state as Jake in weeks. You rarely speak to him.

“Your little comment on his picture. Oh, he’s completely up in arms over it, throwing an actual tantrum! They call me the dramatic one.” Josh’s laughter is infectious and you join in happily, until what he’s saying sinks in.

“Wait, how did he even see that? He reads his own Instagram comments?” You didn’t think they took much control over that kind of thing, and you definitely didn’t think yours would stand out amongst the flood of fans drooling over him.

“Jacob takes his work on social media very seriously Y/N,” his tone is stern until a giggle comes over the line. He’s joking, but you’re chewing over your bottom lip, still concerned that your comment had even blipped on Jake’s radar.

“Y/N? You there?”

Shaken out of your contemplation, you fix a smile onto your lips that Josh can’t see. “Yeah! Sorry, sorry you have to deal with that. He’s so annoying.”

“No, this is great. I love it when you get under his skin, the entertainment is free. I do need to go though, just wanted to say thank you for making me laugh from afar.”

“Pleased to be of service,” you chuckle, proud of yourself for earning the praise of the older twin. “When do you get back?”

“Hmm, I think we’ll be home next week. Maybe Friday? I’ll let you know, we can go out!”

“Sounds good, I miss you already,” it slips out, but you mean it.

“We haven’t been gone that long! I’ve gotta go darling, talk soon!”

“Yeah, talk soon. Bye J-“

He’s already hung up.

You’re not sure why you’ve never clicked with Jake when it had been instant with his literal carbon copy, he’d immediately seemed to dislike you after your first meeting. You figure it’s probably because he’s too pretty for his own good and unfortunately, he knows it.

Josh is pretty like that too, unbelievably so, but it’s almost like he has no idea. You love that about him. You love everything about him. You might be in love with him.

He’s completely oblivious.

It’s hard to not develop a crush on Josh. You’re sure that anyone who’s ever interacted with him walks away a little bit in love, and you interact with him more than most but in over a year, he’s never given you the impression that he feels anything more than platonic affection for you.

Stupidly, that hasn’t stopped you from letting your world revolve around him.

Over a thousand miles away, reclined against the pillows of his claimed bed in the hotel room he’s currently sharing with his brother, Jake is staring at his phone. Fuming.

“What the fuck is her problem?”

“Who?” Josh can’t help but poke the bear.

“Your little friend, where does she get off calling me lame? Like she doesn’t know who the fuck I am.” Jake’s a humble guy, normally. Or at least he thinks he is.

“And who the fuck are you, Jake, hm? I quite enjoy that she doesn’t like you.”

“What you quite enjoy is that she only likes you. You love the attention, it’s sort of pathetic.” He doesn’t mean it, not really, but the friendship between you and his brother grates on his nerves in a way he won’t bother explaining. “You know she’s into you, right?”

“Y/N?! No, it’s not like that with us.”

“Josh, it’s not like that with you. She never leaves you alone. She likes you, it’s disturbingly obvious.”

“To who?” He seems genuinely surprised by this revelation, eyebrows raised high on his forehead.

“You’re an idiot,” Jake mutters it under his breath as he deletes your comment under his post and then promptly drops the conversation.

The following week, the guys got back into town on Friday, just as Josh had thought. And he had called you, just as he said he would. What he failed to do however, was tell you that all of his brothers would be joining you when he suggested you go out.

When you walked up to the table expecting to find Josh with his beaming smile and head full of curls, only to be met with three beaming smiles and one distinct sneer, the disappointment settled deep in your belly. Rather than allow it to show, you greeted them cheerily.

“Fancy seeing all of you here! How was Florida?”

They each stand to offer you a hug, Sam giving you a friendly kiss on the cheek before dragging Danny to the bar with him to order a round. When Josh wraps his arms around you, you return the gesture and hold onto him for longer than you should. You really did miss him, but your reunion is soured by the look of displeasure on Jake’s face. Unfortunately, it’s directed at you and your eyes have found his over Josh's shoulder. You maintain the eye contact as the embrace comes to an end.

“Jacob.”

“Y/N.”

“Well look at the two of you, it’s been thirty seconds and you haven’t cursed at or spit on each other yet!” Josh truly does find your distaste for one another entertaining, it’s puzzling to him but he enjoys trying to figure it out.

“The night is still young. I need a drink.” Jake finally stands and bumps your shoulder with his as he makes his way across the room where the others are waiting at the bar.

“I can’t believe you guys have the same DNA. He’s such an asshole,” you huff out as you rub the spot on your shoulder that Jake had touched. Josh simply laughs.

Most interactions you have with Jake end with you telling one of his brothers he’s an asshole. He’s never actually touched you though, not since the handshake you shared when you first met. His body’s contact with yours leaves you feeling off-balance and irritated, and you eventually call the night early after confirming with Josh that the two of you will get together soon.

Josh turns from you when you leave his side, sips his drink and keeps talking with Sam.

Jake watches your back until you’ve left the building.

The thing about Jake that no one knows, not even his twin, is that he’s jealous. Jealous of your easy friendship, envious of the attention you’re constantly showering his brother with.

When you’d been introduced he’d been pleased to finally meet you, but the sheer amount of time you spent with Josh quickly became excessive. While the world had literally shut down, he’d watched you cling to his brother in a time where contact with other people had become so limited.

The part that bothers him is that he envies what Josh refuses to realize is there. Josh doesn’t appreciate what you have to offer, and it makes him feel like he’s not allowed to. Not allowed to indulge in your presence, not allowed to admire you. So he’s gotten to know you from a distance, overhearing phone conversations and eavesdropping when you’re in their home. Occasionally he’ll join the two of you but keeps his communication with you scarce, or nonexistent.

Which is fine. He can handle that, except he’s seen what’s going on behind your eyes every time you let them linger on Josh’s face. He can feel it radiating from you if he gets too close. Somewhere along the way, you’d developed feelings for his brother.

And he wishes they had been for him.

Therefore, he acts like he can’t stand you. In turn, he knows you hate him because of it.

Taglist:

@lightmylove-gvf @spicedandicedtea @weneedsomehealing123 @milkgemini @why-ami-on-here

Please let me know if you’d like to be added ❤️

[animeniacss]

Seoksoo - imperfect Part 1 - Chapter 12 - Cramped, Nervous, and Desperate

Synopsis: Lee Seokmin likes a lot of things: karaoke, stuffed animals, his friends, his family (when they're not at each other's throats), and when things go according to plan. It's perfect that way. That is...until Joshua Hong, the Education Department TA, stumbles into his view one day and suddenly Seokmin has to start facing the fact that maybe not everything in life will be perfect...but with Joshua, that might just be ok.

Tags: College!AU, ActingMajor!Seokmin, Teacher!Joshua, Romance, Angst, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Side GyuCheol, Side JunHao, Side Verkwan, Other Idol appearances, Anxiety/Panic Attacks, Domestic Violence (not between the main couple), Joshua is a dork 90% of the time, (More Tags will be Added as needed)

Length: approx. 6.5k words

Chapter 12 - Cramped, Nervous, and Desperate

--- Three Years Prior -----

“I bet there will be tons of cool college parties.” Eunkyung grinned from behind her soup spoon. Seokmin leaned back in his seat, smirking a bit.

“When have you ever pictured me as a party animal?”

Eunkyung reached for more rice, setting it into her bowl. “I think you’ll find a whole new side of yourself at college, Oppa. You’ll come back at the end of the term a new person.”

“You’re going to waste your entire college career getting drunk at parties?” His mother chimed in, causing both of her children to look in their direction. Seokmin set his chopsticks down.

“Well, no, but Mingyu told me-.”

“Mingyu’s a good kid. He doesn’t strike me as the party type, and neither do you.”

“When I’m in college, I’m going to party all the time.” Eunkyung grinned, mouth full of rice. Their mother shot her a disapproving look for her talking with a mouth full of rice. She quickly swallowed it before adding: “What? Tell me you didn’t party in college.”

“I did. And that’s why I’m saying you two can’t.”

Eunkyung gasped. “That’s like, total hypocrisy, Mom.”

“No, it’s called wisdom. Eunkyung, you’re barely 15. You can’t go around talking about hypocrisy.”

“Do you even know how to spell it?” Seokmin grinned at his sister from across the table. Eunkyung scoffed.

“Very funny.” She gathered up her empty plates and brought them into the kitchen to begin washing the dishes. Seokmin took another bite of his meal as his mother turned to him once more.

“Don’t go to parties, okay, Seokmin? You never know what someone’s going to put in your drink or if someone’s going to get in a fight. Just don’t do it. If you want to have a party, have it at your apartment. I’ll even host one here for all your friends. Okay? That way I know you’re safe.”

         He studied her expression. The wrong words could lead to her getting upset. So, he simply nodded with a quick: “Okay, Mom. I’m not a party person, anyway.”

His reassurance comforted her with a gentle smile, and Seokmin felt secure again. “At least one of my kids will turn out alright.” She reached out, putting her hand on Seokmin’s arm. He smiled a bit, nodding his head. She stared at him with the same intensity he had burned into his brain for the past 18 years of his life.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌���🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

         Seokmin didn’t really like parties, especially on campus. He didn’t hate them, but he preferred to keep his distance. He didn’t hang out with the party crowd, and his friends only drank when they were in a safe and comfortable environment. A lot of students on campus came to party on the weekends, and with Study Week and finals creeping up on them within a month and a half, parties were being thrown all over campus, by every single group of people.

         Seokmin, however, loved Seungkwan. And Seungkwan asked him to come to the party being held by some of Hansol’s friends.

         “I won’t know anyone except for Hansol. What if he leaves me?”

         “Why would he leave you?” Seokmin looked down at his notebook, still full of small blips of ideas for his final monologue.

         “He wouldn’t, but what if we get separated?”

         “I’m sure that won’t happen.” Seungkwan wrapped his arms around Seokmin’s back, nuzzling into him.

         “Hyung, please! I’m begging you. Mingyu-Hyung and Seungcheol-Hyung will be off making out somewhere the entire night. I need someone to help me. Please.”

         With this plea buried into his chest, Seokmin was currently sitting on the floor of Joshua’s bedroom, staring at himself in the mirror as Nayeon brushed through his hair. Seungkwan and he had agreed to head to their apartment when they discovered – through Seungkwan’s very subtle sleuthing – that Nayeon and her friends were also invited. If Nayeon was invited, Jeonghan was too. And if Jeonghan was, then Joshua was tailing along somehow.

         Seokmin glanced up at Joshua as he sat on the edge of his bed. Even minutes before leaving for a party, he was working on something in his school textbook. His eyes darted between his book and his computer, hands flying away on the keys. In a pair of tight leather pants and a vibrant, marigold cut off, Joshua looked completely different than he usually did. His fluffy sweaters and professional slacks, or even his ripped jeans and mismatched combat boots were merely one side of him, it seemed.

         “Seokmin, are you excited?” Nayeon smiled down at him from their spot in front of the mirror. “This is your first party on campus, right?”

         “Oh, yeah.” He smiled up at Nayeon, and she only grinned wider. “Do you go to them a lot?”

         “Yeah. My friend Jeongyeon and I love going to the parties when we can.”

         “It’s only because you can get a good story if someone throws up.” Jeonghan smirked, resting against the door frame.

         “I would never post an article about someone at a party.” Nayeon gasped, offense written on her face. Seokmin’s eyes darted up to a grinning Jeonghan.

         “But you’d never forget it happened, either.” He said. Nayeon nodded her head, glad he understood her true intentions before turning her attention to Joshua.

         “Could you stop working for five minutes and finish getting ready?” Joshua’s eyes shot up from his screen, and Seokmin instinctively looked down at his lap.

         “Well, I wouldn’t have to be if you guys didn’t force me to go to this party.”

         “We didn’t force you to do anything.” Jeonghan said. “Your boyfriend asked.” Seokmin looked up at Jeonghan, who had a finger pointed directly at him. “We simply agreed you should come and encouraged it.”

         Seokmin closed his eyes, trying to focus on the feeling of the brush Nayeon was tugging through his hair. He could hear Seungkwan beside them, putting on eye glitter that Nayeon offered to him.

         “Seokmin-Hyung, you should put some of this on.” He said, handing off the glitter. “Don’t you think it brings out my eyes?”

         “Hansol won’t be able to stop looking at you.” Nayeon grinned, earning a content hum from a very eager Seungkwan. She pulled the brush back, and Seokmin’s eyes followed her as she exited the room. “I need to finish getting my make-up on. Then, we’ll be ready.” Jeonghan waved her off as she disappeared into the bathroom.

         “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, Joshua-Hyung.” He peered up at Joshua from his spot on the floor. Joshua looked down, his hair falling over his eyes a bit from the angle.

         “Nah.” His face softened. “It’s fine. I should probably get some air in my lungs.”

         “It’s been days since you did anything after school and tutoring.” Jeonghan said. “Seriously.” Seokmin looked up at Joshua again as he closed up his computer and book, setting them on the side of his bed. Swinging his legs over the side, he looked down at Seokmin and smiled reassuringly. 

“I can stay for a bit.”

         “Okay.” Seokmin was kind of hoping Joshua remained adamant about staying home, if only so he could stay with him instead of going. However, when Nayeon popped her head back in, face full of beautiful make-up, Seokmin knew there was no going back.

         “We need to take a picture.” She said quickly. She immediately pointed her camera at herself and Jeonghan, grinning while Jeonghan flashed a little peace sign behind her head. Seungkwan was next, and he pulled Seokmin into the shot. Seokmin immediately smiles a bit, putting a heart on his cheek like his favorite idols in shows do. Seungkwan offered a peace sign and Nayeon puckered her lips. “Cute!” She gasped. “Joshua, c’mon.”

         “Ahh, come on.” He sighed. Nayeon rolled her eyes, simply pulling him over as the group bunched together for a group shot. Nayeon stretched the camera out as far as she could. “Get in, get in.” When Joshua leaned forward, his chest pressed against Seokmin’s shoulder. He knew his cheeks would be red in the photo, but he simply put a peace sign up beside Seungkwan’s and the photo was snapped.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

         “Aahhh, I’m nervous.” Seungkwan whined, shaking his head to hopefully stir up any of the confidence hiding in his body.

         “Why? You and Hansol seem to be getting along great.” Seokmin said. “Do you not think so?”

         “I mean, we do; we’ve talked in class a bunch and gotten coffee or studied in the library together. I think we’ve become pretty good friends.” Seungkwan saw the house coming into view, and he gripped Seokmin’s arm tighter. “But this is much more intimate. Close quarters, low lights, drinking.”

         “Will someone call the cops on the place?” Seokmin peered up at the building. They had been walking from their parking space a few blocks away, and Seokmin could already feel his legs getting heavy. He took a deep breath. “I’m sure most people here aren’t even old enough to drink.”

         Jeonghan spun his keys in his hand, whistling. “Don’t worry about that, Seokmin.” He draped his arm around Nayeon, as she was on the phone in hopes of finding her friends scattered through the party. She seemed to catch one waiting outside, and her hand flew up in excitement to flag them down. “And that’s my cue, guys.” Jeonghan called as he got tugged ahead. Joshua snorted when Jeonghan was heard begging his girlfriend to slow down just a bit.

         “Alright, Seungkwan, let’s get your man.” Joshua patted the younger male’s shoulder in support. He stood between the duo, leading them into the party doors.

         The second Seokmin stepped inside, he felt his chest tighten. The music pumping through the house felt like it was squeezing Seokmin. He took a deep breath, but it hurt, so he exhaled. The walls were lined with college students, some already drunk and grinding on the person closest to them. Seokmin watched a couple run up the stairs, hand in hand. He caught a glint in the girl’s eyes at the thought of what was about to happen. He turned to Joshua, who was pointing straight ahead. Following his gaze, Hansol was at the end of the hall. He had a drink against his lips and was chatting with another, slightly taller male. He was fixing a set of glasses, hand in his short black hair as he smiled at Hansol. Whatever they were talking about, they looked very interested in one another. Even amongst the chest crushing music and musty smell, Seokmin saw Seungkwan’s lips dip into a large frown.

         “Woah. What’s with that face?” Seokmin asked. He pressed closer to Joshua’s side, the taller one placing his hand on the small of Seokmin’s back to steady him.

         “Jeon Wonwoo.” He scoffed. “He’s a junior in the Computer Sciences Department.” Seungkwan groaned. “He’s so cool. I heard he’s like, totally famous on Twitch.”

         “You’re kidding.” Joshua’s eyes widened. He glanced down at Seokmin, who only shrugged.

         “Yeah. Hansol mentioned him a few times. What do I do?!”

         “Go talk to him anyway.” Seokmin said. “Didn’t he invite you?”

         “Well, yeah, but-.”

         “All I can say is Nayeon will be pissed that you used her eye glitter and didn’t at least go make a move.” Seungkwan sighed, nodding his head.

         “You’re right.” Seungkwan nodded his head. “I have to go and make myself known.”

         “Fighting, Kwannie!” Seokmin pumping his fists in excitement, Joshua following the motion beside him. Seungkwan shuffled through the crowds, and the older duo watched as he caught Hansol’s attention.

         “Look how he’s looking at Seungkwan.” Joshua said, motioning to the wide-eyed look Hansol gave their friend. Seokmin took a second to scan over Joshua one more time. He was close enough to see the veins in Joshua’s arms poking out since it was so cold, yet Joshua didn’t leave the house with a jacket. “He’s so smitten.”

         “Yeah.” Seokmin said. He pressed a hand to Joshua’s arm, finally capturing his attention. “Aren’t you cold in a tank top? It’s November.”

         Joshua shrugged. “It’s not that bad.” Seokmin turned his attention to Seungkwan once again, who was eyeing Wonwoo up and down as they talked with a very seemingly oblivious Hansol.

         “He has no idea Seungkwan’s plotting Wonwoo’s death right now, does he?” Seokmin asked. Joshua cackling, nodding his head.

         “No fucking clue.” Joshua put his hand on his hip. “Why don’t we go in and get something to drink?” Seokmin looked around the room once more, before nodding his head. Hand still pressed to the small of Seokmin’s back, they headed further into the party. Seokmin made sure to tap Seungkwan’s shoulder and motion where they were headed. Seungkwan was already looking at Hansol with hearts in his eyes and Seokmin wondered if any words even registered in his brain.

         Joshua grabbed them a few drinks from one of the many coolers scattered through the house for easy access. He motioned a beer to Seokmin, who shook his head.

         “I don’t drink.” He shouted over the loud music.

         “Oh, shit. Sorry.” Joshua knelt back down, replacing the beer bottle for a water bottle. He set his own bottle on the counter beside them, snapping the plastic cap open and passing it to Seokmin. He took the bottle with a smile.

         “Thanks.” He called, putting the drink to his lips. Joshua did the same when he got his own open. Seokmin looked around at the sea of drunk and possibly horny college students. He wondered if Eunkyung attended parties like this. Their mother would blow a gasket if she was. Seokmin wondered how she would react if she found out Seokmin was at a party, even if he was drinking water instead of alcohol and pressed up against someone that he cared for rather than some random person he had just met in a drunk daze. “I’m not a big party person.”

         “Me either.” Joshua said against the top of the bottle. “But it’s nice to get out and do it sometimes.” Seokmin nodded, eyes falling to a couple grinding on one another to the music, only a few feet away. Their arms were wrapped around one another, hips swaying to the beat that was pounding in his ears. He turned away when they began making out. He felt Joshua pull him closer to his side, offering a smile. Even under the dim lights, Joshua looked perfect. Seokmin really wanted to kiss him, but the setting of his first kiss with this guy being at a crowded party? No. “You look overwhelmed.” Joshua asked, leaning forward a bit. His voice practically brushed Seokmin’s ear, shivering despite being packed in a hot room. “Are you okay?”

         “Yeah.” Seokmin turned to him a bit. When he did his eyes immediately fell on how close their lips were. Something in Seokmin’s chest stopped. He studied Joshua’s lips for a minute. It felt as if the rest of the party had stopped, waiting at a standstill for something to happen between these two.

         He really wanted to kiss Joshua.

         The hand on Seokmin’s waist tightened a bit, making his breath catch in his throat. Hoping to avoid whatever gaze Joshua was looking at him with, Seokmin’s eyes dipped down to the necklace adoring his collarbones. Even in this stunning outfit, little plastic beads poking out from underneath. His finger reached up, wrapping around the beads gently. He rubbed a thumb along one of the clear beads laid right in the center.

         “Is this new?” Despite Seokmin’s voice rising to be heard over the music, it was still delicate and trembling. Joshua took a second to process the question, finally nodding his head.

         “I couldn’t sleep last night.” He said.

         Seokmin felt his body press closer to Joshua when a couple staggered past, not even turning to utter a half-ass apology. Seokmin gulped. Each beat of the music felt as if it were crushing him into a smaller ball. He wanted to simply curl up and escape from here. But his only option was to press closer to Joshua, who was happy to oblige, bringing him closer into his circle. Seokmin felt a burning sensation in his throat. Gripping the little plastic beads as if they were the last string keeping him from falling into an endless abyss, Seokmin knew he needed to say something else to distract himself.

         “You don’t sleep a lot.” Smooth.

         Joshua’s nose crinkled, nodding his head. “I’ll sleep when I’m dead, I guess.”

         “You’ll get sick if you say that, you know.”

         “It’s not that I don’t want to, I just can’t.” He leaned closer, breath tickling Seokmin’s ear like the kiss of an angel. “Thanks for worrying about me, but this isn’t really ‘dance party’ conversation, you know.”

         “I-.” Seokmin shivered. “I don’t really know much, ‘dance party conversation’.” His eyes flickered up to Joshua’s as he took another sip of his drink. Even when he wasn’t looking at Seokmin, his eyes sent shivers down his spine. He felt like he’d turn to mush at any second, forming into a puddle at Joshua’s feet. His neck craned to the large dance floor where most had congregated. Immediately, his eyes locked on Mingyu. He had arrived with Seungcheol early on in the night, both being friends with the host. Seokmin saw his shoulder-length, black hair bouncing under the colored lights with Seungcheol, head back and laughter that was drowned out by the music. He looked happy, they looked happy. No worries in the back of their mind, just enjoying the night together, in one another’s arms, like it was the only place they wanted to be.

         The worst things happen at college parties. You never know who will be there, or what they’ll try to do.

         “Do you want to dance?” Seokmin turned to see Joshua as he set down his beer bottle. Seokmin immediately noticed barely two sips were taken from it. “You’re staring at the dance floor so intensely.”

         “There’s…” Seokmin paused. “I just saw a friend in the crowd. There’s a lot of people.” Joshua nodded. 

         The duo watched the party go on around them. Seokmin tried to focus on the silence that settled between them, hoping even a little drop of it would calm his nerves. He felt he should be on the dance floor, hips pressed up against Joshua because that was expected. There must be someone who has seen the both of them just standing there, wondering why the hell they were even at the party to begin with if they didn’t intend to enjoy it.

         Joshua must be having a miserable time, just standing in one spot.

“Uhm-.” Seokmin’s voice turned the older male’s attention back to him. “If you want to, then-.”

         “No, it’s okay.” Joshua’s hips pressed against the counter top, elbow resting on the marble surface as he scanned the crowd. “I’m fine right here.” His fingers tightened on Seokmin’s back one final time, closing all the space between them. Seokmin felt his knee press against Joshua’s thigh. “Besides, my dancing skills could put all of these guys to shame. I’m doing them a favor.”

         Finally, Seokmin offered a laugh that blended with the beat. “Oh, I see.”

         “Yeah. I could wipe the entire dance floor with my one signature move.”

         “I kind of want to see it.” Seokmin admitted. Joshua shook his head.

         “It’s way too much. It might melt your brain from all of its amazingness.” Seokmin’s laughter continued, covering his mouth as his head fell forward, pressing against Joshua’s chest. Almost immediately as it did, his head shot up right, cheeks tinted red. Amused by the reaction, Joshua leaned closer. “Hm? You okay?”

         “Fine. I’m fine.” Seokmin squeaked. Joshua nodded, smiling in a way that made Seokmin feel like he was caught in a lie.

         I really want to kiss him, this is insanity. How on earth do I go about doing that? What do I do? What. Do. I. Do?!

         Joshua tongue ran along the inside of his bottom lip, Seokmin catching the entire thing since he couldn’t peel his eyes away from that part of his perfect face.

         Is that his sign he wants to kiss me? I can’t tell. What if I go for it and make a fool of myself? I’ll never live it down. I’ll never live it down.

         “Seokmin.” Joshua breathed.

         Do I even want my first kiss with him to be at some party? What will that make me? Will he think I want to do other stuff? Don’t you do other stuff at a party?

         “Seokmin.” His voice was a bit firmer.

         “Hm?” Seokmin could barely feel the sound leave his lips.

         “You’re squeezing my necklace like it owes you money.” Seokmin’s eyes finally steadied, dropping from Joshua’s lips to the vice grip he had on the plastic beads. They were lifted off his neck from the force of his grip.

         His grip loosened completely, allowing the jewelry to fall back against Joshua’s skin. “Sorry…” Joshua only shrugged.

         Unsure if it was a blessing or a curse, the second a new voice flooded their space, Seokmin’s shoulders immediately dropped. He and Joshua turned to see Seungkwan and Hansol approaching, down one Wonwoo and up one arm around Seungkwan’s shoulder. Seokmin was about to say something, but Seungkwan beat him to it.

         “Are we interrupting something?” Seungkwan asked, eyeing the lack of space between the two.

         Joshua glanced down at Seokmin for a second, before replying. “Not at all. Is this Hansol?”

         Seokmin watched as the two immediately fell into proper greetings. Once Joshua said his full name, Hansol’s eyes lit up.

         “Shit, where are you from?”

         “LA. You?”

         “New York.”

         “I’ve been there a few times.”

         Seokmin couldn’t understand what they were saying. However, even if they were speaking in Korean, he knew he’d still have no idea. His head held the entire ocean, waves crashing into his skull and making him feel all kinds of motion sickness. He couldn’t steady his eyes anymore. The uncertainty made his breath hitch.

         A hand squeezed his, and when he looked up, he saw Seungkwan. His eyes fell to the shorter of the two and the curious glint in his eyes. It was a look that made Seokmin’s stomach knot up in ways he didn’t know were possible.

         “I’m stealing him.” Seungkwan called to the others. Joshua offered Seokmin one smile, before turning back to chat with Hansol about something. He heard the word ‘America’ and ‘teaching’, both words he had heard Joshua use in English before.

         Seungkwan nestled the both of them in a corner, right beside the sliding door that led outside. Seokmin leaned against it, eyes glazed over as he looked down at Seungkwan.

         “I saw the two of you getting hot and heavy.” Seungkwan grinned. “I was going to give you both space, but Hansol wanted to meet Joshua-Hyung, and-.” Seokmin listened as Seungkwan began rambling about his interaction with Wonwoo and Hansol. It was all he could do: listen. Words were not forming in his brain much less his mouth.

         You shouldn’t be at a party, Lee Seokmin.

         At least one of my kids was supposed to turn out okay.

         Seokmin covered his mouth as his mother’s voice coursed through his brain. It was imaginary, but it felt so clear, as if she were standing right beside him. His mind felt light, yet heavy. Any moment he would fall over and shatter all over the floor of this stranger’s home.

         You went to a party and didn’t even sleep with him? Lame, Oppa.

Then, Seokmin’s mind spoke up; his own thoughts torturing him relentlessly rather than the assumed thoughts of his family.

If they find out I went to a party at least they’ll make up long enough to gang up on me next….

         “I’m going to throw up.” Seokmin choked behind his hand. Seungkwan’s mouth closed almost immediately when he felt his bicep get gripped.

         “Did you drink that much already? I didn’t expect you to be-.”

         “Seungkwan, I’m going to throw up.” He choked out again, voice shaky and desperate. His grip on Seungkwan’s bicep tightened. “I can’t breathe, I-.”

         His friend’s eyes widened. “Okay. Okay, okay.” Seungkwan grabbed the handle of the sliding door and pulled it open, hitting the duo with a huge gust of wind that almost made Seokmin fall over. “Hyung?” He called, turning his head to the duo still chatting by the kitchen counter. Seokmin only caught Joshua’s gaze for a second before stepping outside. He immediately knelt down in the grass. Everything around him was static; the voices, the footsteps, the chatter. Nothing settled in his ears as he coughed into his hands. His stomach refused to throw up like he had thought, leaving him violently coughing into his hand to get whatever was burning in the pit of his stomach to go away. Every few seconds he gasped for air, but the huge intake of it only left him coughing more.

When he finally managed to stop himself from coughing so much, a shaky hand pressed against his mouth, thumbing away whatever tears were streaming down his cheeks when they fell onto his skin. Seokmin looked up at the night sky overhead, hand tangled in his hair. He wanted to focus on the stars; connect summer constellations in fall because that felt so much easier than this. His throat burned something so intense he thought it would leave a hole in his throat. He tried to swallow it down, but the lack of air only resulted in another round of frantic coughs.

Tired from holding his head up, it fell onto his knees, forehead digging into the bones. The world was still shaking, static buzzing in his ears no matter how many deep breaths he took or how tightly he gripped the base of his hair. He felt as if time was at a standstill and the play button was jammed. No matter how hard he pressed it, slammed the recording device, or reset the machine, he was stuck here forever.

         “Seokmin.” His name being called made him look up to see Joshua staring down at him. A hand was outstretched to him, and he was smiling. Seokmin sniffled, wiping his eyes one more time in hopes the tears would stop falling for good. He reached out and took Joshua’s hand, allowing him to get back on his feet. Steadying himself up right made his head pound, and he let out a deep breath. “I’ll take you home, okay?” Seokmin was silent for a minute. When Joshua offered a little smile, Seokmin felt the play button finally snap back into place. The static slowly became a dull ringing in the back of his ears as it faded from his brain all together. Seokmin nodded, eyes casting to the floor as he squeezed Joshua’s hand tighter.

         “Okay.” He said.

“Hyung...” Seokmin looked over just as Seungkwan came to his side. His glitter was a bit messy, eyes glassy from what looked to be his own set of worried tears brushed away by his hand. Hansol was on the other side of him, handing Seokmin the water he had left by them in the kitchen. Seokmin took it with a barely audible thank you, pressing it to his lips. “What happened?”

         Seokmin shook his head. “I’m okay.” He said softly. “Don’t worry about me.”    

         “Want me to come home with you too? So you’re not alone?”

         “No, you wanted to come. Have a good time. I’ll probably just….” He coughed into his hand. “Go to sleep.” Seungkwan looked over at Joshua sadly, rubbing his arms as the chilly fall air began picking up.

         “Don’t worry, I got it.” Joshua assured. He peered to the side of the house. “Come on, let’s use the side gate so we don’t have to go back inside.”

         Seokmin couldn’t even nod in response, quietly following Joshua out of the house without so much as another glance to Seungkwan and Hansol. He felt as if he was in a trance, the play button just going on a continuous loop with no stop in sight.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

         The ride back home was silent. Seokmin didn’t even have the energy to question if Joshua should be driving after drinking half a beer. His head was lolled against the window, looking at the blur of the world passing him by. The music was playing softly, but Seokmin barely had a voice to hum any of the beats.

         By the time they got back to the apartments, Seokmin was unsure how many times he dozed in and out of consciousness, each time his eyes startled awake being a painful reminder that he was in fact still in the same day. There was no fast forward button on the machine in his head, and it almost made him want to cry again.

         Joshua led him up to the apartment without a word, only a quiet hand on Seokmin’s back to guide him. Seokmin could barely handle the touch, but had little strength to prevent it. Using Seungkwan’s spare key – which Seungkwan hid flawlessly in a very cute flower pot outside their door – the duo stepped back into the apartment. Seokmin didn’t realize he was holding his breath until he gasped for air in the front entrance, chest tightening as he looked around.

         “Want a water?” Hearing Joshua’s voice almost scared Seokmin back to reality. Almost. Just enough to remember that they were in his apartment.

         “I’ll get-.” Seokmin was cut off by Joshua, who shook his head.

         “No. You’ll sit.” He motioned to the couch. He headed to the fridge to find some drinks, and Seokmin could only nod.

         “Okay…” he said. Barely kicking off his shoes and shuffling them side by side, he made his way to the couch and sank into it. He hoped with enough force he would be enveloped by it and leave his plane of existence forever. He still could barely breathe, his heart feeling as if it were being gripped in someone’s fist.

         “Here.” Joshua made his way back with a glass of water for the both of them. Seokmin took his with a nod and sipped it. “I would’ve offered tea but, I don’t know where your tea stuff is.”

         Seokmin almost choked on his drink. “Sorry.”

         “Don’t be.”

         Seokmin looked over at Joshua as he sipped his own drink, kicking one leather-clad leg over the other as he got himself comfortable. “You don’t-.” Seokmin hesitated. “You don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to.”

         “Nonsense.” Joshua shook his head. “I’ll stay for a bit. Do you really strike me as the type to drop you off and bail?”

         Seokmin shook his head. “No.” Another sip of water down his throat. The burning sensation and its aftermath still tore apart his esophagus with each sip that he swallowed.

         The duo sat in silence for a while, Joshua unsure of what to say and Seokmin unable to say much of anything at all. He set his water on the coffee table, leaning back on his couch and closing his eyes. A deep exhale shook his body. “Are you feeling better now that we left?”

         “A little…” Seokmin turned his head to look at him.

         “You really don’t like parties, hm?” Joshua smiled.

         Seokmin’s lips curled up in a small smile. “No, I don’t. My mom told me I shouldn’t go to college parties.”

         “Why?”

         “She told me that it’s dangerous because you don’t know who is there. You don’t know if the punch has been laced with something or if the cute guy you’re talking to put something in your drink when he went to grab it.”

         Joshua nodded. “I didn’t do that last part.”

         “I know.”

         “Laxatives in the punch would have been funny, though.” Seokmin chuckled a bit, watching as Joshua downed the rest of his water and set his own empty glass on the table.

         “My mom will kill me when she finds out I went to one. I told her I wouldn’t.”

         “Will she find out?”

         “I’ll tell her when I talk to her, probably.”

         “....Does she have to know?”

         Seokmin looked at Joshua. “I tell my mom everything.”

         A pause from Joshua, arms crossed and visible confusion on his face. “Even if you’ll get in trouble?”

         Seokmin didn’t know how to answer that. He sat up straight, pressing his lips together tightly in thought. “Sorry.” Joshua chimed in. “It’s not my place to assume things about your family life.”

         “No, I…It’s okay.” He looked down at his lap. His hands were red from the cold air that enveloped them on the entire walk to and from the car that chilly night. He pressed them together to see if they’d stick together, but no such luck as they pulled apart with a little pop. Suddenly, the couch shifted, and when Seokmin looked over, Joshua was sitting beside him.

         “You have something in your hair.” He said. “May I?” Seokmin nodded, eyes trailing up as Joshua’s hand tangled in his locks. For the few seconds Joshua’s hand found a home in his hair, he closed his eyes. Joshua’s finger plucked whatever he saw, scratching his scalp. Fingers dragged along the locks and Seokmin felt nice. For the first time all night. Finally, he was able to take a breath that didn’t make it feel as if he had swallowed a broken glass cup. His hands had stopped shaking and his body felt tingly; but in a good way.

         He pulled out a few pieces of fuzz, flicking them away and smiling. “There.” Seokmin’s eyes opened again. When he turned to Joshua with the intention to say thank you, something else slipped from his lips.

         “Can you do that again?”

         Joshua cocked an eyebrow. “Get fuzz out of your hair?”

         His cheeks heated up. “No.” Seokmin avoided his gaze, tilting his head to the side, scalp directed at Joshua. “That was…very relaxing, so.” No response from Joshua, and when Seokmin looked back up, Joshua was grinning. “What? You don’t have to, but-.”

         “I will.” He said. Shifting back on the couch, he leaned forward and pointed to the little spot in front of him, right between his legs. “Come here.”

         “Sorry, what?”

         “C’mere.” He motioned to the spot once again. Reluctant yet desperate for that tingling sensation, Seokmin plopped down on the floor in front of Joshua. It took a few seconds, Seokmin craning his neck when Joshua dramatically cracked his knuckles. However, within seconds, Joshua’s hands began threading through his hair and Seokmin took another deep breath. It felt as if he swallowed the entirety of heaven in one breath, head tilting back just a bit. “I guess that’s relaxing?”

         “Very.” Seokmin closed his eyes. Joshua’s fingers danced along his hair, and Seokmin felt he could do anything in that moment. However, out of all the things he could do, he wanted to sit here with Joshua forever. He wanted to feel these soft, gentle fingers gliding through his scalp with no pattern in mind, simply moving through the locks and scratching any parts that had gone untouched. Seokmin felt warmer than he had on any summer day at this moment, leaning into Joshua’s touch.

         “Hyung.” Seokmin muttered, a hum from above him making his eyes finally open. “I’m sorry I ruined tonight.”

         “You didn’t. I’m sorry you got so overwhelmed.” A scratch on the nape of Seokmin’s neck; he shivered.

         Seokmin took the silence to think back to Joshua’s question from before. Even if you know you’ll get in trouble? “My mom and my sister are having this really big fight right now.” For a second, Joshua’s hands stopped in his hair, tangled among the locks and Seokmin wondered if he said too much. However, gentle fingers resumed before he replied.

         “About what?”

         “Everything. My sister says my mother is controlling, but my mom says my sister doesn’t respect her.” Seokmin pulled a knee to his chest. “My sister came home late the other night and they got into a huge blow out with each other. She’s been staying at a friends and my mom has been trying to figure out where she is.”

         “Did you tell her?” Seokmin shook his head.

         “Only that she’s at a friend’s house. Not who. Eunkyung keeps saying how she wants to stop talking to our mom, how she’s basically being forced out of the house. Which my mom isn’t trying to do. But in the same vein, my mom never knows how to handle problems. She screams and yells, then Eunkyung screams and yells, and-.”

         “You get stuck in the middle.” Seokmin’s eyes casted to the floor. “Seokmin, I’m sorry. That must be so hard.”

         “I know they fight because they’re the same person, you know. Stubborn, prideful. They carry a lot of baggage from tons of different things. But they both carry so much love, and I know they both only mean well. I don’t know what to do this time. I can usually get them to calm down after a few days but Eunkyung won’t even text my mom.”

         Joshua was quiet for a minute, but his hands kept working in Seokmin’s hair.

         “I don’t know what you should do.” Joshua finally sighed. “Or, what you even can do. It sounds like their problem…”

         Seokmin’s neck craned up to look at Joshua, and felt his eyes glaze over with tears again. Joshua looked down, a hand immediately leaving his hair and wiping Seokmin’s eyes.

         “But what if Eunkyung doesn’t come back home?” He heard his voice crack. “I don’t know what I’d do.”

         “That won’t happen.” Joshua assured. “They just need time to calm down. I’m sure they’ll come to common ground soon.” Seokmin straightened his head once again, Joshua continuing to work his fingers into the locks. “Don’t worry about that now, okay?”

         “Okay…”

         “Focus on my brilliant massaging skills, instead. Melt into my touch.” Seokmin laughed a bit, a toothy-grin forming on his face that he couldn’t bite back if he tried.

         “Add it to your resume of random skills, Shua-Hyung.” He said softly. Joshua laughed a bit.

         “I will.” He said. As the apartment fell into silence once more, Seokmin closed his eyes and simply enjoyed the feeling of Joshua’s hands in his hair. He knew the tingles that it sent down his spine, and the warmth that bloomed in his chest wouldn’t last forever. Hell, it wouldn’t even last through the night. However, the longer the clock hands ticked away, Seokmin couldn’t help but think about how badly he still wanted to turn and kiss Joshua. How badly he wanted to melt into his touch and thank him for everything he had no obligation to do.         Seokmin, for the next ten minutes, had no intention of using the stop button. If this one tender moment had to come to an end at some point, that didn’t mean all of this – all of Joshua – had too as well. 

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[twilightknight17]

Last night on P3R: mostly Tartarus, HOW DARE YOU?, and once again a lack of aggressive dialogue options.

I got my shit wrecked in Tartarus, between multiple gatekeepers in a row, and the Monad passage Elizabeth wanted me to explore. The shadow tactics are getting better, and it’s fun having to work around them.

Throwing a Cowardly Maya at me that immediately starts off with Concentrate+Megidolaon is a little much, though.

I got through eventually, though, and got some great rewards!

Hehehe

HEHEHEHEHE

(I’m sorry, I think these outfits are great. XDDDD)

...I’m sorry, what is the CATHEDRAL OF TIME? Can I have a slightly bigger fragment??? Please??? Oh man.

Anyway, summer break is kind of off to a disappointing start, because like… it’s been 2 weeks, and I haven’t gotten to work on any of my links or anything. Yakushima was great, but now I’m at extra track training for this competition that’s coming up.

I mean I guess I’d be happier if there was something more to it than just showing the same scene of us running laps every day for six days or whatever. Or if there was a choice whether to attend or not. But no, I’m just locked into advancing none of my social links except Tanaka.

Every time I talk to this man I want to push him in the fountain. Also, he keeps asking if I remember my promise and haven’t told anyone. Sir, tbh, I don’t even remember what you don’t want me to tell people.

The Dark Hour has begun, and I’m happy to see Pharos again, because obviously, I love hi-- oh. Wait, no, this is Fuuka, calling me to the command room. Never a good sign.

SEES throws on their uniforms and sprints upstairs, and we’ve got a problem!

Hm. A normal shadow? Akihiko’s probably got it, but yeah, weird that this one left Tartarus…

And then Akihiko calls, and we’re off, because the shadow is defeated, Akihiko is fine, but someone is very badly hurt.

HOW DARE YOU HURT KOROMARU?

I knew he was coming to our dorm eventually but I didn’t realize it was because he was hurt that badly!! Literally everyone is upset about this turn of events, Aigis can speak Dog, and we’re using Mitsuru’s influence in the best way possible.

(We couldn’t even cast dia to stabilize him, though??)

The next evening, Mitsuru informs everyone that Koromaru is gonna pull through just fine, and Pharos stops by to give his weekly warning.

Guys, I have a track meet the day after tomorrow, please stop waking me up at midnight. T_T

………no.

You shouldn’t even be drinking coffee, you’re like 10.

So now I’m off to my track meet, and did really good! I kind of wish it had been a longer scene, or a minigame, or something? I dunno. But the wunderkind runner from the other school came to talk to me after, and wants to be friends?

I guess? Is this a new social link? Hm. I guess we’ll see, since I’m free again, but first I’m gonna go rank-up with Maiko.

Maiko is ready to run away from home. She tells me goodbye and not to tell her parents where she went, and then heads off. And after a blip of a time jump, here come her parents! They have no idea why she would have done this! She’s never acted like this before!

Man I really wanted to pick that second one.

And the dad recognizes me. Apparently she’s mentioned that she plays with “Arisato-kun”, a high-schooler, at the playground. Maiko’s mom is appalled, because she didn’t know anything about that. I’m not surprised; do you ask anything about your daughter’s day?

They literally start bickering to the point where it isn’t dialogue boxes, it’s just audio, like background noise. But eventually the dad remembers I’m there and cuts off the mom.

Sir, you’re the ones arguing instead of looking for your kid. You’re lucky I even want to help, after what you did to her!

They ask if I have any ideas where she might be, and I suggest the takoyaki stand. We all go running off, and Maiko is in fact there. She starts crying almost immediately, and is finally able to tell them why she’s so upset.

And her parents actually apologize! They promise to go home and actually talk to her! I’m skeptical because, again, he HIT her, but I’m gonna have to give them the benefit of the doubt, I guess. :/

Two more people have gone missing in Tartarus, and the full moon is in two days, so we’re gonna have to go in and get them. So that’s up next!

[luescris]

Spoiler warning for Sonic Prime below, beware

So many things are going in my brain right now. A million different trains are running a million miles on high speed and I have no way of knowing which one to start with because oh my god

I finished watching Sonic Prime. And safe to say I am absolutely gobsmacked

What a show. From start to finish. There's so many things that I want to say about it. The characterization, the emotion, the animation, the end. Some of it may be critiques, but not in a bad way. I'm just. Genuinely. So happy that we got this.

What I will admit though, was that the fight scenes in this season seemed to be a little bit dragged on. They were bearable and fun to watch for sure, and there was not much happening, but I think I understand why they did that. 😆 Everything else though. Man

Shadow was the best he's ever been in forever. Just for starters. We need more of that Shadow on so many levels. The Amy's consistently teaming up with each other, calling each other sisters, holy shit?? That was the greatest ever????? Not only that but Dread naming Black Rose the Captain was so amazing I can't even like. Find the right words. It fit so well and I literally was vibrating like augh Like in general Amy had such good representation throughout the entire show, in fact both her and Shadow have and those were the two that I was worried for the most and I am so glad that they did them right

Sails and Mangey though. I thought they were gone for good for a long while there. When they returned I was so very freaking happy like aaaaa

Nine's entire deal was definitely An Experience, and I don't mean that in a bad way he was certainly a goober, but the concept of an evil Tails man. Very scary indeed HFHDDHD

But then. There was freaking. The moment where Sonic was about to blip out of existence. Where he turns around to the Amy's and goes "Goodbye Roses". And then when everything came together again and he called her "sweet Amy." With that look on his face and that stance. Am I the only one that feels vindicated?? That screamed and ran around out of pure excitement??? Like am I reaching or was that genuinely them telling us he one hundred percent has a thing for Amy??? I genuinely do not know but my heart wants to say yes and I am on the floor.

My only question is; what the heck was with that end?? I know they said that it was meant to be part of the games somehow some way but like. They don't show anything? The only thing we get is Eggman saying he needs a bigger fleet and that tells me that maybe this is before Forces??? But I genuinely have no idea augh

Does anyone else know?? Can anyone else figure that out like augh ahshhdsh

I really want to like. Dive super deep into all of the things Sonic no doubt has to tell his friends about what happened and his feelings about fighting Nine and maybe even missing all of them in a way and just. Yeah man wowie

Also the fact that Shadow appears out of nowhere to everyone except Sonic and takes the Prism somewhere, and he was like "I go wherever I want" that was so funny, especially since he too knows what happened like aidhdhdhdhhs 😂

But god man. Honest rating is 8/10 show. There were moments that were cheesy but ultimately it was amazing, and I loved watching every bit of it. :D I am so very sad to see something so great go so fast, but I suppose that's the nature of Sonic I guess lmao 😂

[welcometothenightcourt]

I’m just confused rn. So i was recently diagnosed with DID (about 3 months ago ish maybe 4 now), but the thing is I can’t communicate with anyone? Like the other alters (haven’t gotten names or anything yet), but it’s almost like when they have the control of the car per say, I’m in the backseat…or the boot I guess cause never get a reply…so I can’t figure out how to communicate at all?

I don’t know if they are the protector role and maybe I was never meant to talk to them? Maybe they hoped I would never know of this cause of what they protected us from. But sometimes it is scary cause I’m sorta just…sitting there in the car and I can’t leave. I can’t even have - what I called before diagnosis and after avengers endgame - a blip moment, where I forget what I was doing and carry on per normal.

I’ve tried the method of writing sticky notes with mundane questions on them like “what dinner should we have this week?” Or “fancy any specific cereals?” From therapists suggestion to keep a balance in everyday life. Yet there is never an answer written back anywhere, not even on the back or in another room. But other than that I personally don’t know what to do?

I’ve never had this “backseat behind the driver” moment before diagnosis and I think I only am now cause I’m more…self-aware of it??? But literally how do I communicate. I’ll be honest, i wasn’t even the one to find your blog here, but apparently this throwaway account did (I just use it to read over random updates and ya know scroll never interact etc)so Ik that someone has recognised that I know and have little idea.

overall question: how do I communicate (other than the sticky notes)?, how do I get out the metaphorical backseat? Cause otherwise I feel like I’ve been diagnosed wrong, I’m trying to look into what else it could be but DID is the main one that keeps coming up as a result, I’m just so confused over all this still. Sorry for the long winded and repetitive ask I just feel like context is needed cause otherwise a simple question could be misunderstood.

First, I would try not to take it so personally, and start actively trusting your therapists diagnosis. Most therapists won't diagnose DID without having met other alters, or without very good evidence, so they are probably there. Let's operate on the assumption that your therapist is correct in your diagnosis. Let's also try to look at things from the other alters' perspective.

Let's pretend that we're one of the other alters. You've been living in a body, and working to protect it and the host (you) for [insert however old your body is minus 3-7 years probably] without detection. You watch, help when needed, but only ever from afar. You hold memories from them, very painful traumatic memories that they can never find out, or it would hurt them, which is the opposite reason of why you exist. You know some things about them, and maybe you would want to meet them and talk to them, but it's dangerous to do that. You would probably hurt them.

Now, this person was told that you exist. They keep trying to find you, but... you've been hiding so long, and speaking to them, letting them know you're there, giving them the opportunity to find out all of the pain that you have been protecting them from. Letting them know you is dangerous, and you don't know how they will react. Will they try to hurt you? The body? Others? Will they deny your existence? You don't really trust this person yet.

Would you answer them all the time? I know I wouldn’t. I didn't. I didn't make myself known for several years, even after others had done so successfully. Those sort of things take time, patience, and a lot of understanding and reassurance.

Try to stop... pushing them so much. Try just letting them know that you're here when they're ready, and that you appreciate them. Then... just leave it be for a while. Let them think, let them find courage, let them learn to trust you without all that pressure. They'll reach out to you when they're ready. Just make sure they know they're welcome, and keep living your life. Check in maybe once or twice a month to let them know the invitation is still there.

I'm going to assume by backseat moment you mean dissociating, and that's not really something you can stop entirely. You have a dissociative disorder my friend, dissociation comes with it I'm afraid. I would try and do some grounding and anchoring when that happens, as it can help bring you back to reality and feel a little less far away, but if it doesn't work, then... just let it happen. Oftentimes it's not harmful or dangerous, just... mostly inconvenient to you (though it has its purpose of course.) The more time you spend in therapy, the more you'll learn how to handle it. Drudging around trying to dig up alters who formed out of trauma is going to increase your dissociation too, because your brain has spent so long trying to keep you from finding out about it, and here you are prying. It's doing what it has relied on to protect you for however many years since your trauma started.

I hope things go well for you, anon, and I hope this could help at least some. If you or they ever need anything, my asks are open!

[inprogress-predicament]

AU idea, that I will never write cause I am a bad writer

Defenders: Matt, Marci, Danny, Colleen, Misty, Trish, Malcolm, Vido and Gillian are the only ones from the “Super Circle” who survive the Snap. 

Matt keeps Nelson and Murdock going, after a year or so of nonstop Daredeviling and borderline forgetting himself. But Matt gets it up and going again, provides help for anyone who lost everything in the Snap; kids who are funneled into the overflowing system, people who are loosing their businesses, those were reported snapped only to turn up a week later and now need to reclaim their lives. Marci was the one who pulled Matt out of the black hole. Marci had turned to the DA’s office after the Snap and would be a viable contender for election soon. Marci had seen enough of Matt’s angst over the years to know he’d need a life line. She passed him the cases the DA wouldn’t handle, and one by one, Matt returned to a 50/50 life. Matt tried to date once or twice, just to try normality, but after Elektra and Karen, Matt doesn’t think its safe for anyone to be close to him like that.

Danny and Colleen get married immediately, not just because they loved each other and there was just a cosmic sign that screamed “don’t waste your time with maybes”, but they saw a whole bunch of the world go to shit fast and they only trusted each other with their legacies. Colleen still patrolled Chinatown, but she also added in most of Manhattan to her usual route, because Misty was one-more-folder-in-her-pile away from breaking. Danny took to running the dojo, and it went form a safe haven during class, to a 24/7 shelter for street kids.

Malcolm and Gillian closed Alias for weeks after the snap, they both had things to handle. Once the door reopened, they had to instate a strict policy on missing persons. Any who hadn’t been seen since before the snap was not going to be looked for. Gillian pulled Vido from the system before he could get lost, his parent hadn’t been seen since the snap. She half forced Malcolm to let Vido live with him. Gillian had never been one to care to much for others, that’s why Jessica hired her, but Vido needed a home, and Malcolm’s apartment was a lot safer than hers.

The Raft didn’t hold for very long after the snap. With half the guards dead and no reinforcements coming, and no once sure who should be onboard and who shouldn’t be, Trish was off and back in New York in just under a month. When Trish couldn’t find Jessica anywhere, Malcolm’s apartment was empty, Alias was closed and there wasn’t a rooftop any with a familiar vigilantly on it, she retreated to the only safe place she could find. Eventually Malcolm came back to Alias, and had an unpleasant reaction to finding out Trish had been squatting in Jess’s bed. Trish kept up with only minor communication with Alias, instead she turned to doing what she had always wanted Jessica to do, clean up the streets. Neither Colleen nor Matt were fans of her initial willingness to kill, but for Jessica, Trish curbed her insticts. Because Trish knew Jessica wasn’t gone, she was just lost in the chaos of the snap, but Jess would be back and when she was, Trish wouldn't be able to look Jess in the eye if she was still killing.

Once Nelson and Murdock was back up, Matt wouldn’t change the name and legally there was no proof of Foggy’s death, even a year later sometimes someone who had been traveling would reappear in New York. Marci was the one who made sure that every single one of the Nelson kids who’d lost both parents and who’s few remaining Aunts and Uncles, ended up on her or Matt’s couch or with Sister Maggie, and saw their remaining family as much as possible. It was one of the older Nelson cousins who started nursing school and began running a triage center on the street in front of the shop. It didn’t take to long for the Nelson cousin and for Marci to realize what Matt was doing at night, but neither condemned him.

Danny reached out to Matt not long after he heard there was a Lawyer in Hell’s Kitchen keeping kids out of the system and with good people. Soon Matt and Colleen were running together and Danny’s students weren’t so worried about being ripped from homes every day or left on the street. The three remaining vigilantes of New York covered as much ground as possible, but even on their best days the world still felt empty. 

Colleen fell into the habit of triple checking one everyone. She lost a third of her students, but she kept her best friend, her boyfriend/now husband, and Colleen was now doing more good for her city than ever before. It took years after the unsnapping for Colleen to stop triple checking on everyone, to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Matt and Daredevil became borderline (very separate) public figures. Matt had stopped caring who saw him that first year, going out dressed up in broad daylight. Daredevil once dropped a guy off literally on the police station’s door step at 2:00 on a workday, but the new unspoken code of the police was something along the lines of “take all the help we can get”.  When Marci was running for DA, three years after the snap, Daredevil wore Marci’s campaign Tshirts as joke, and Matt always claimed she owed Daredevil her election. Nelson and Murdock had such a far reaching effect on the city’s rebuilding and stabilization effort that Matt’s name was somewhere in a paper four or five times a week.

By the time the unsnap happens, Vido is interning at Nelson and Murdock, Matt didn’t mean for it to happen but Vido needed someone who could understand his situation, and Matt couldn’t say no. Marci and Matt have both tried to have a better relationship, and while they have never become close friends, they’ve come to rely on each other more than anyone else before. Malcolm has perfected how to comfort someone he knows will never see their loved one again. Gillian has moved on but keeps contact, she says its for the free PI. Trish is finally on speaking terms with Malcolm, she’s keeping clean but still depends on an outside voice to be her consciousness. Trish is dating again, but everything is slow and its more to fend off the loneliness than actually enjoying each others company. Marci has married her work, some have asked her out, she’s asked some out but its never passed beyond one night stands, not for lack of her trying but there are many people willing to put up with her as a person. Danny and Colleen have discussed starting their family, but its never seemed like the right time, Danny has increased his ownership of Rand just to make sure he still have a voice but has decreased time at the company in favor of the dojo. Colleen is going out every night and neither are willing to put a baby in danger just be living their lives. The kids at the dojo are more than enough.

The everyone is unsnapped and all the work they’ve done to heal and move on however unsuccessfully, is undone and their world is pure chaos and reopened wounds.

[sacredsorceress]

Distraction || Bucky Barnes

pairing: bucky barnes x avenger!reader

request: “bucky x reader where reader is really attracted to bucky’s fighting side while he’s defeating the bad guys?”

a/n: moved this request to the top because hello last episodes fight scenes were so good??

word count: 2.5k

warnings: mentions of guns, getting shot, fighting, not really angsty, fluff

masterlist || request

“This feels like a bad idea.” You called to the two men as you followed them into the abandoned factory. 

“Trust me, Y/n. It’s going to be fine.” Sam assured you. “And when have I ever been wrong?”

As soon as the sentence escaped his mouth, both you and Bucky stopped in your tracks, turning to face Sam while quirking your eyebrows.

“Would you like a list?” You asked.

“I can think of a few-”

“You know what? Forget it. You two suck. It’s not important.” Sam said, cutting Bucky off, continuing his pace into the building. “What is important is that we catch these guys before they can do anything else, okay?”

Not inclined to argue, you continued to follow Sam’s lead with Bucky by your side. As you climbed up a rotted staircase, you couldn’t help but turn to stare at the super soldier by your side, gun ready in his hands. 

“Nervous?” He asked, not even turning to face you, but seeing the smirk playing on his lips, you knew he caught you staring out of the corner of his eye.

Embarrassed, you quickly turned away and faced the path in front of you.

“W-what? No.” You cleared your throat, attempting to mask how flustered he made you.

In the short time that you had known James “Bucky” Barnes, you had learned that he was expertly skilled in making you a flustered mess. The fact that he asked you if you were nervous was almost comical considering the most nervous you ever were was when you were with him- not because he was the winter soldier or because he had a vibranium arm or because he could end you in a second- but because he made your heart fill a little more every time he looked at you and you would melt every time you shared more than two words.

“Good. You shouldn’t.” He told you, finally turning to face you. When you felt his hand land on your arm, you met his eyes.

“Yeah?” You asked. “Why shouldn’t I? Fighting super soldiers isn’t really my area of expertise.”

He knew you were right.

Although you had spent nearly five years alongside the likes of Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff during the blip, you weren’t nearly as experienced in truly fighting as the rest of them and you were especially amateur at hand-to-hand combat compared to the man in front of you.

You discovered during the blip that you had powers similar to those of Wanda Maximoff. When you did, you sought the help of the remaining Avengers. Though you trained among the best, you were never truly taken to physical combat, instead expanding your knowledge on your power- magic- to use to your advantage.

Although Bucky Barnes was utterly fascinated by your abilities- unbeknownst to you- you still grew nervous in situations such as the one you were in now where someone could easily attack you before you had the chance to act.

“Sam already told you that they don’t have the serum.” He reminded you.

“Oh yeah, because Sam’s always right.” You laughed. “What happens if he’s wrong?”

He shrugged. “Then I’ll handle it.”

Before you could even say anything back, you watched as he quickly went still before shoving you against the wall.

“Wha-” You attempted to whisper before he quickly shushed you.

His face inches from yours, you watched as he focused on the wall behind you, attempting to listen to what was going on around the both of you. Both you and Sam turned to face each other, questioning what was going on before you turned to face Bucky.

You would be lying if you said your heart wasn’t racing from the feeling of his hands on your arms, face inches from yours, so close you could make the details out on his face.

Before you could allow yourself to fall any deeper into the hole of your own thoughts, his eyes met yours, speaking to both you and Sam.

“I can hear them downstairs.” He whispered.

Before anyone could say anything else you watched as Sam deployed redwing from his own suit, the drone flying over the open room below.

“How many are there?” You asked.

“Ten.”

“What’s the plan?” You asked, looking between the two men.

Bucky pulled away from you finally and gestured for you and Sam to follow him up the remainder of the staircase. When you met them at the top of the steps, you found yourself on a balcony overlooking the large, open room of the factory below. When you hit the last step, Bucky pulled you into a crouch in between him and Sam as they scanned the room through the bannister.

“I think we should just go in now.” Bucky whispered and you were once again realizing how close you were to the man, feeling his breath on your face.

“I think we should wait.” Sam said.

“For what?” Bucky shook his head. “So they can realize we’re here? I have a vibraniu-”

“-vibranium arm.” You and Sam finished his sentence for him in unison.

Bucky scoffed.

“We know, man.” Sam said.

Bucky pulled himself up from his crouching position beside you. “I’m not going to wait up here for them to find us.” He told Sam, then turning to you. “You stay up here and make sure none of them leave. Keep an eye on them. Sam, you get the stuff and I’ll handle them.”

Both you and Sam turned to each other before looking back to Bucky.

“Are you sure about this, Buck?” You asked.

Bucky reached out his hand to you, pulling you to your feet. “You’ve got nothing to worry about, Y/n. I got this.”

How could you say no when he said your name? Or anything at all?

Before another word could slip out of your mouth you watched as he ran down the steps you had just climbed a minute before to apprehend the men in the room below. Turning back to observe the area, you felt Sam stand besides you, the makeshift wings extending from his suit.

“When we see him, block off the room and I’ll go get the stuff, okay?”

“You’ve got it boss.” You told him, grinning.

He chuckled, placing the goggles over his eyes. “Good to know that cyborg hasn’t changed you too much.”

“Wait what-”

Before he could even reply, he took off and you leaned over the bannister, and your eyes immediately landed on Bucky, watching as he snuck up behind one of the men carrying a gun. He placed his vibranium hand on his shoulder, yanking him backwards and when he did, he pulled the gun out of his grasp with his other hand. As soon as he did, a gunshot rang from the gun, prompting the other men in the room to turn their attention towards Bucky. As they did, you snapped out of your own thoughts, stretching out your hands to create a forcefield around the room, blocking the men from escaping through any exits.

Although Sam used the distraction of the gunshot to his advantage, stealing the information he needed without any intervention, you watched as Bucky essentially took on ten men across the room.

With your arms still holding the forcefield in place, you couldn’t help but watch as the super soldier grabbed the wrist of a man coming after him with a knife, twisting his wrist in the opposite direction until it fell from the man’s hands onto the floor. At the sound of the clatter of the knife, he pulled the man towards him, kneeing him in the stomach and flipping him onto the floor, knocking him unconscious.

You couldn’t help but feel your heart begin to race in your chest- not because you were worried for Bucky, but because as much as you hated to admit it- it was hot. Although you struggled with hand-to-hand combat, Bucky made it look easy, taking on each man with giving any hint that it was strenuous.

Your job was simple- keep the forcefield up and make sure no one leaves. All you had to do was keep your arms up. What you weren’t anticipating, however, was for one of the men that should have been going after Bucky, to notice you standing on top of the bannister.

Just as Bucky noticed the man across the room, raising a gun to you, it was already too late.

You heard the shot sound from the gun and immediately after, a searing pain shoot throughout your upper arm. You immediately dropped your arms, your hand gripping the wound. The forcefield fell around you as you yelped in pain, falling against the bannister and onto the floor.

The next thing you knew you heard Bucky’s footsteps, stomping up the stairs as Sam landed in front of you. Pushing Sam out of the way, Bucky dropped to his knees besides you.

“Fuck.” He cursed, moving his hands to your arm. “Are you okay? I’m gonna go back down there and kill that guy, Y/n, I swear.”

You shook your head. “It’s fine, Buck. We got what we needed, right?”

Sam nodded, slipping a hard drive into his pocket. “Yeah. Are you sure you’re alright though? You just got shot.”

Prompted by his question, you finally pulled your hand away from your arm, noticing the tear in your sleeve where the bullet scraped through your arm. As you moved your trembling hands, you finally noticed the blood coating your palms. Bucky was quick to take hold of your bloodstained hand and examine the wound.

“Shit. I should’ve been paying attention.” He told you, shaking his head.

You shook your head, placing your hand on his shoulder. When he finally met your eyes you spoke.

“Don’t blame yourself, Buck. It was my fault.” You sighed. “I should’ve been paying attention. I’m sorry. I was... distracted.”

Bucky furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

When you opened your mouth to speak, Sam- who was still standing to the side- cleared his throat. “Well... you guys seem to have this covered so I’m going to go ahead and meet Torres outside. I’ll leave you guys to... whatever this... is.”

And with that he left, this time making his way down the staircase.

An awkward silence existed between you and Bucky with his departure until Bucky finally spoke.

“What distracted you?” He asked again, still kneeling at your side.

You knew he wouldn’t let this go and you began hoping to whatever higher power there was above that he wouldn’t completely judge you and that your partnership wouldn’t completely fall apart.

“You.” You told him, shyly, refusing to meet his eyes.

You felt him shuffle closer to you, gripping your hand that was still in his.

“Me?” He asked. “What about me?”

Maybe it was the loss of blood or just the situation in general, but you couldn’t help but laugh. It only made the man beside you more confused.

“You know,” You began, finally meeting his eyes. “For someone over a century old, you can be really naive.”

What you didn’t know was that Bucky- along with his fascination for your powers- was infatuated with you. As much as the stubborn super soldier tried to hide it the best he could, he could feel his heart racing trying to piece together the situation.

“I’m not naive.” He told you, pretending to be offended. “You’re the one who just got shot when you could see the whole room in front of you. Some lookout.”

“Shut up!” You laughed shoving his arm. “I literally just got shot!”

Bucky laughed back before squeezing your hand.

“I’m serious. Just tell me. What was it?” He asked.

You looked up, met his eyes and smiled. You allowed yourself to take in his face, still a hint of a smile gracing his lips, trying to memorize the moment incase you were never able to experience it again.

“It was you, Buck.” You told him, sighing. “I was distracted... by you.”

“What-”

“I was distracted by you fighting.” You chuckled, now realizing you just got shot because you found Bucky Barnes knocking a man unconscious attractive. “And I know what you’re thinking, but I have to be honest- it wasn’t because I was worried about you. I didn't have to worry for a second.”

“Then why?” He asked.

You shrugged, feeling yourself grow flustered again. You could basically feel his eyes on you- he really stared a lot didn't he?

“Because... I thought you looked... hot.” You told him, physically cringing as the last word slipped out of your mouth.

In that moment, Bucky realized for the first time in eighty years that he had lost his “charm”. Although a part of him was so filled with confidence in knowing that you found him not only attractive, but hot while he was fighting, he had no idea what to say in a way that wouldn’t make him a stuttering mess which was the last thing he wanted to come across as in this moment.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn't have said that-”

“You like seeing me fight?” He asked finally.

You paused. 

“Yeah.”

Finally you felt yourself breathe a sigh of relief when you watched as a grin stretched across his face.

“I think you lost a lot of blood.” He laughed.

You swat him again. “Shut up! I’m being serious, Buck.”

“I just can’t believe you got shot because you liked the way I kicked some guy’s ass.” He teased.

“I always like the way you look.”

As soon as it slipped out of your mouth, you regret it, focusing your eyes on anywhere besides Bucky. Your undeniable feelings for James “Bucky” Barnes had really come to torment you today.

You began running through all of the ways to escape from the situation when he finally spoke up.

“I... like you too.” He told you, finally pushing himself off of his knees and onto his feet, looking down at you.

It took you a minute for your brain to register the information.

“You like me?” You asked, staring up at him.

“And I’m the naive one?” He asked, reaching out his hand to pull you up.

You gladly took his hand with your good arm, pulling yourself to your feet.

“I don’t believe you.” You told him, standing only inches apart.

He sighed, chuckling to himself before facing you.

“Remember two weeks ago when I got that bad gash in my side?” He asked and you nodded. “I was checking you out.”

Your mouth dropped, not even sure how to respond. You could barely even believe that after all this time of you getting flustered over every little thing that he did, he was feeling the exact same way about you. 

“No way!” You finally said, taking a step closer to him.

“Yeah um,” He chuckled, scratching where the chain of the dog tag met the back of his neck. “You looked... good.”

When your faces were only inches apart, you placed your hand against his chest, planting a kiss on his cheek before pulling away, smiling.

“No more getting ugly scars for each other, okay?”

He smiled.

“No promises.”

[nightingaelic]

Reactions to a vampire courier? Companions plus Benny, Ulysses, Graham, House, Caesar, and Yes Man. (sorry if that's too many :x)

TW: Blood (maybe obviously)

Also I don't normally feel some type of way about AUs but the idea of Joshua Graham encountering a vampire courier is giving me shivers

The courier was a little... strange. Not in any way that stood out to the average wastelander just by looking at them, everyone in the Mojave had their quirks and the courier was no exception. Hell, you get shot in the head and come back, you're bound to have a screw or two loose. They were unquestionably a night owl, but so were half the people on the Strip, who only started to wake up after the sun had gone down and the slot machines were singing their loudest. They usually had bags under their bloodshot eyes, but every caravan driver from here to the Hub was short on sleep.

On the other hand, the courier had some habits that were a little beyond surface-level eccentricities. For one, no one had ever seen them eating, not once. Even when the King laid out a spread of pre-war snacks and liquor or when the buffet at the Tops was refreshed, they politely declined and took a swig from the canteen that they never offered to anyone else. They were also rather odd about bathrooms, insisting that anyone accompanying them remain outside on watch and let no one else through the door until they were finished. But the undeniable moment of oddity came one night in October, when their companion rounded a corner in Freeside after a trip to the Atomic Wrangler and discovered the courier behind a rusted dumpster, holding a man against a brick wall with their teeth buried in his neck.

The courier drew back at the interruption, blood smeared across their face. "I'm not- it's not what- he- oh, fuck."

Arcade Gannon: Arcade stared open-mouthed for a moment, before snapping violently back into the present. "Is he dead?"

"Umm..." The courier glanced at the man they were holding, whose head was lolling against the bricks. "Yes? Mostly."

With no patient to resuscitate, Arcade rounded on them. "Six, what in the ever-loving fuck are you doing?"

The courier tried to wipe away the blood that was dribbling from their chin, but they only succeeded in spreading it up their jawline. "Well, I, um, I was trying to..."

Whatever excuse they were searching for eluded them, so they dropped the pretense. "I was feeding, Arcade."

"Feeding? What, like some kind of-" Arcade's eyes widened and he cut his sentence off early in realization. "No. No way. That's not- vampires aren't real!"

That earned him a look of intense skepticism. "Arcade, we've fought off plant monsters and rattlesnake-coyote hybrids together. I have a gun in my pack that lets me teleport."

"Oh, okay, so you have some kind of iron deficiency and you're delusional." Arcade laughed, the sound high and harsh in the quiet alley. "Great. Fuck."

Craig Boone: Rather than engage in an abandoned alley, Boone immediately backtracked to a busier street. He was unsurprised when the courier didn't follow him: Even in Freeside, someone covered in blood was sure to be noticed and questioned.

Boone left town that night and made for Novac. He was pretty sure the courier would follow him, but he didn't know where else to go. At least he knew they were coming. A few people in Novac asked about where he'd been, what the courier was up to, but eventually they stopped asking.

A couple of weeks went by. Boone was on the night shift again when the door into the dinosaur swung open to reveal the courier. He'd heard someone coming, their feet on the stairs, and he already had his gun pointed in their face. "We will never work together again," he said, before they could open their mouth.

"Boone, can you just-"

"I don't want an explanation." Boone shook his head. "I don't need one. I already did you a favor, leaving New Vegas without putting you back in your grave. This is over."

The courier took a deep breath. "71."

"What?"

"71. I've killed 71 Legion soldiers and left their bodies empty under the Mojave sky." They looked down and shuffled their feet. "I've tasted their fear. They're more scared of me than the Burned Man, now."

Boone studied them. Ever so slowly, he lowered his gun.

Lily Bowen: "Put him down, dearie," Lily chastised them. "You're playing too roughly with that man. And watch your language around your grandma!"

The courier looked down at their victim, at their torn throat and limp limbs. "He tried to mug me, Lily. It wasn't pretty."

"He looks like he's had enough," Lily insisted. "Set him down. Gently."

With a sigh, the courier obliged and lowered the man to the ground. "I'm sorry, Lily. I should have told you earlier. I don't mean to be rude when I turn down your cooking, I just... I can't seem to..."

"Hush, now." Lily produced her enormous handkerchief and gathered the courier up in her arms, dabbing at the blood on their face with a corner of the cloth. "You've gotten it all over yourself, haven't you? We can clean that right up, but it looks like Grandma's going to have to do a load of laundry. You made the mess, so you get to help."

Raul Alfonso Tejada: Raul swallowed nervously, something he'd noticed he was increasingly doing around the courier. "You know, we get murciélagos down in Arizona that do the same thing. They won't leave the brahmin alone."

The courier took in his anxious stance and sighed. "Raul, I'm not going to hurt you. Prometo. It's okay."

"Sure boss, but I don't think the hair on the back of my neck is going down anytime soon." Raul smiled, but it was more of a grimace. "Or it wouldn't, if I still had any. Como..?"

"No clue." The courier shrugged and held their hands up, letting the corpse they'd been holding slide to the ground. "I think it had something to do with me surviving Benny's best attempts to do me in, but a bullet is a bullet and I don't remember if I was like this before, or..."

"Or only after." Raul chuckled. "Jesucristo, and here I am thinking I'll outlive you like most everyone else I've known."

"Yep."

"Should I start calling you el chupacabra?"

The courier grinned, a bloody smile with sharp teeth.

Rose of Sharon Cassidy: "Fuck," Cass echoed, scrambling to pull her shotgun from its holster. "Knew I had too much, can't even- who are you and what've you done with the courier? Some kind of cannibal, wearing their skin? Alien? Shapeshifter? I'll blow a hole in your liver to match mine!"

"Whoa, Cass, it's me, it's me!" The courier dropped the man they were holding and held their blood-stained hands up. "Same old Six, just... maybe I wasn't straight with you about why I don't order anything at bars."

"Goddamn right you weren't straight with me!" Cass gestured at the body on the ground with the barrel of her gun. "Who's the fucker on the floor and why are you two pints in on him?"

"Just trying to get my drink on," the courier muttered.

Cass repaid this facetiousness with a jab of her shotgun, and they raised their hands higher. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry! You tell me, how do you tactfully tell someone that you're a creature of the night and you need to drink blood to survive?"

"Creature of the night? You're fucking loopy." Cass' eyes narrowed. "There's plenty of critters in the Mojave that only come out when it's dark, but most of them don't tear into..."

She trailed off into curses when she realized she was wrong. The courier smiled hesitantly and lowered their hands an inch. "Hey. Let me chuck this failed mugger in the dumpster and we can talk about it like a pair of civilized folks?"

Veronica Santangelo: Veronica squeaked and fell back a few steps, banging her elbow against the edge of the dumpster. A jolt of confused pain shot up her arm, and the Scribe couldn't help giggling harshly at the sudden assault on her funny bone.

"Not- laughing... at murder," she managed to get out between hisses of pain. "Oh, for the love of... right, you're not getting out of explaining what you are, exactly, just because I'm indis-indisposed!"

The courier couldn't help laughing at the squirming Scribe, but they did their best to stifle it. "Sorry, I'm sorry, I um... I guess I don't really know... what I am?"

"There's books!" Veronica burst out, pointing at the courier and their victim wildly. "I've seen them, in old libraries. Creatures that feed on blood, only come out at night, don't show up in... in mirrors, of course, no wonder you're weird about bathrooms, I should test... Dracula! That's it, you're a Dracula!"

"A Dracula?" The courier held their hands up, as if seeing them anew. "Never heard of them. Are they... bad?"

"Well, traditionally, yes." Veronica made a face and rubbed her elbow. "Black cloaks, sleeping in coffins, seducing and manipulating everyone around them... and people don't like it when you take their blood, in my experience."

"Whose blood have you taken?"

"This isn't about me, Six!"

ED-E: The eyebot bobbed wildly and made noises of concern, blips and blats and a flat burst of trumpets from some old jazz tune.

"I was hungry," the courier protested. "And this asshole pulled a knife on me and wanted all of my caps. Probably more than that, if we're being honest. He wasn't doing the world any good, but he did me some, for sure."

ED-E flipped between old clips of a Silver Shroud radio show. "Well, isn't this a deep, dark <static> secret? <static> In a situation such as this, the best anyone can do is <static> try to control it!" The robot added some more concerned beeps for good measure.

"I'm trying," the courier said with a sigh, looking down at the dead man they were holding. "You know I wouldn't hurt some random person, ED-E. Not if I could help it. The Mojave's full of bad people, enough to keep me going if I'm careful."

Rex: The hair on Rex's spine stood up, and he let out a long, low growl. The courier froze for a moment, before realizing that he was growling not at them but at the man they were holding.

"He's dead, Rex," they reassured the cyberdog, lowering the corpse to the floor for inspection.

Rex sniffed the body over, taking in the copper scent of his blood and the Freeside stink on his clothes. He sniffed the courier too, each of their hands they held out to him and the thick headiness of adrenaline. He whined and wagged his tail twice.

"Good boy," the courier said, straightening up. "It's about time I turned in, anyway. Let's dump this guy and split."

Benny Gecko: Benny crossed his arms. "You know, Six, if you're dead set on getting your kicks in Freeside every now and then, you might want to ease up on the passions with the next greaser you snag. This one's torn all to pieces."

"I wasn't- what kind of-" The courier dropped the man they were holding and sputtered. "Christ, only you could make a midnight murder awkward, Benny."

"Murder?" Benny raised his eyebrows and looked from side to side theatrically. "Who said anything about a murder? All I saw was some dreamboat and the best apple butterer of New Vegas playing back alley bingo, officer."

The courier's eyes narrowed. "Not gonna rat me out? Tell the King or somebody that I'm..."

"What, taking a page out of the White Glove Society's book?" Benny held his hands up. "None of my business. Well, if you ever come for me with that look in your eyes, though, that'll be a different story."

"Not much you'd be able to do," the courier pointed out. "You already tried and failed to kill me once."

Ulysses: Rather than react like any normal wastelander might've upon encountering someone attacking a man with their teeth, Ulysses just stood there, taking the scene in. "Heard tales of a tribe like you. East, farther east than even I've walked... a coven hiding in tunnels, emerging only when their hungers grow too strong to ignore, strong enough to pull blood from the veins of the world around them."

"Well, I don't hide in tunnels." The courier grimaced and heaved their victim up over their shoulder, depositing them unceremoniously in the dumpster. "Unless some disgruntled Frumentarius sends me out to hunt mutants under Hopeville."

"Perhaps you have more in common with those predators than I assumed," Ulysses admitted. "But then, your path has always run red. Blood of the Old World, blood of the new, blood of the Bull and the Bear..."

The courier rolled their eyes as they peeled off their red-stained coat and tossed it in the dumpster as well. "Don't talk to me about blood. I know you've seen just as much as me, but it doesn't mean the same thing when I look at it."

Ulysses cracked a hint of a smile. "You see life where I see death. Two sides, courier."

"Yeah, yeah. If you're not going to try to kill me, come on. You can wax poetic and lecture me about which road I'm walking while I take a shower."

Joshua Graham: "A creature far from God," Graham said in his most reproachful tone. "Forever damned for the souls of the innocent they've taken from the earth. Aren't we a pair, courier."

"You can fuck right off with that attitude." The courier dropped the man they were holding and wiped their hands on their coat. "He tried to kill me first. For some caps."

"The crimes of others do not absolve you of your own sins, courier," Graham continued, leisurely retrieving his gun from its holster. He held it up in the muted neon light that filtered through the alley, turning the weapon this way and that. "Though I confess I am also looking for absolution in this way."

"Are you going to kill me?" the courier asked, eyeing the gun as well.

"I've no doubt it would leave this world better than when you walked it," Graham replied. "But my own opinions are not enough to seal your fate. Perhaps we should find this man's family and hear their feelings on the matter."

The courier took a step forward, then another, until their chest was right up against the pistol's muzzle, pressed against the fabric of their shirt. "Go ahead. Try."

And though Joshua Graham was sorely tempted to pull the trigger, though the courier made no move to stop him, something in their eyes... some faraway pain, older than the desert itself, fresh as the blood on the ground, stayed his hand.

He lowered the gun, chastised, and the courier walked away.

Robert House: The Securitron that bore Robert House's face on its screen leveled a minigun at the courier. "Whoa!" the courier protested, dropping their victim and putting their hands out. "Can't we talk about this?"

"And what have we to discuss?" House sounded absolutely disgusted. "I believe you're familiar with my contract with the White Glove Society. If they wish to continue their current prosperity in New Vegas, cannibalism is strictly forbidden. You are subject to the same terms and conditions, as one of my employees."

"Terms and condi- hold on, hold on, you never asked me whether I was a cannibal," the courier replied. "Are you talking about that document you had me sign, way back when I agreed to help you fight the NCR and the Legion?"

"The very same."

"How is that fair? That thing was over 200 pages long, I didn't grow up in the 21st century, I don't have a degree in... okay, okay." The courier waved their hands. "Cannibalism is a no-go. This isn't cannibalism, this is vampirism."

"Which falls under the definition of cannibalism," House replied, his annoyed tone still detectable over the sound of the minigun spinning up. "Section 3.65, subsection F. Next time, read the fine print."

Caesar: The Legion's great leader pivoted in an instant from surprise to quiet anger. "Clean yourself up, courier. I expect to see you in my quarters within the hour."

He turned and left the alley swiftly, letting his powerful stride and swinging cloak cover his shaken confidence. The people of Freeside cowered as he passed, shrinking into the shadows as he made his way back to the Strip, but the fear in their eyes was not enough to erase the image of the courier bent over in bloodlust, holding their victim in total subjugation.

The courier found him on the top floor of the Lucky 38, gazing out over the city he had conquered and named his Rome. "Leave us," Caesar bid his Praetorian Guard. They bowed and departed the room without question.

"You asked to see me," the courier said nervously, shifting their weight from foot to foot. They had changed clothes, and no trace of blood remained on them.

"I did." Caesar beckoned them to the window next to him. They stood in silence for a moment, watching the lights wink below.

"I'm a well-read man, courier," Caesar said finally. "I know the legends of the Old World, and I recognize the marks of one of their nightmares in you. I order you to tell me the truth: Do you fit the full definition of the creature they called 'vampire,' or do you simply mimic the things to add to your fearsome affect?"

The courier didn't answer right away. When they did, their voice was soft. "I pretend to be nothing. I am what I am."

"And everything that comes with it?" Caesar pressed. "Darkness, the blood of the innocent, eternity?"

"Yes."

Caesar turned to face them fully. "Then I, Almighty Caesar, command you to make me as you are."

Yes Man: "Now that's a twist I didn't see coming!" Yes Man said, his happy tone only slightly tempered with uncertainty. "Boy, am I glad I don't have a circulatory system right now!"

The courier shushed the Securitron and looked around the alley surreptitiously. "Yes Man, I swear to god, if you blow my cover I'm disassembling you."

"As I've told you before, I can't technically die!" Yes Man reassured them. "And I certainly wouldn't want to endanger you and your hobbies, but my volume mixer is tied to my enthusiasm simulator and I can't adjust it! You'll just have to hope any passersby aren't interested in following my friendly voice into an alley!"

"Then go back to the Lucky 38 and we'll talk later," the courier insisted, through gritted teeth.

"I technically never left! But if you mean this Securitron, sure thing!" Yes Man zoomed away on his single wheel, whistling the whole way back to the casino where the rest of his consciousness was housed. He kept whistling as he ran probability algorithms, only pausing when the courier returned after a few hours and crossed their arms in front of his main screen.

"Hi there!" he said joyfully. "I've just been cross-checking Mr. House's records on noteworthy disappearances in the Strip, and I've flagged eight of them as potentially being connected to you! I don't want to assume your intentions, but if you don't want to be found out, I've developed a plan for choosing your next victims that will help you remain undetected in New Vegas for 184 years! Give or take a few!"

The courier put their head in their hand and sighed.

[rebel-in-white]

Sam Wilson’s Feelings Towards Bucky Barnes

In this meta, I’m arguing that Sam Wilson, as he is portrayed in the Falcon and the Winter Soldier, has romantic feelings for Bucky Barnes. Before you think I’m overreaching and reading too much into this show, read on and think about the evidence I’m going to present. Could a simple friendship explain the differences in Sam’s interactions with other characters versus his interactions with Bucky?

Disclaimer: I’m not saying that Disney is going to show us a homosexual couple. Honestly, I don’t think that’s going to happen. I’m not accusing anyone of queerbaiting either. I don’t want to enter into that argument. I just believe that Sam Wilson is a man in love with another man. 

Sam’s Demeanor with Bucky:

In episode 1, we have a delightful scene between Sam and Torres, who seems to genuinely admire Sam. After taking a video of Sam speaking Arabic, the impressed Torres makes a few light comments. Sam responds with a smile but maintains a serious demeanor and cracks minimal jokes. He doesn’t relax or drop his guard. Compare that to his drastic change in attitude in episode 2. After only spending 3 minutes with Bucky, he’s talking about wizards and sorcerers and something about hats. 

And he’s always joking around with Bucky. He doesn’t let himself do that with other characters on the show, not even his own sister. This shows that with Bucky, Sam feels like he can relax more. For some reason, he feels safe with Bucky to show his true self.

Sam checks on him, constantly

In episode 1, we find out that Sam has texted Bucky post blip several times. Enough times that Bucky’s therapist, Dr. Raynor, uses that to gauge how well Bucky is connecting with other people. She admonishes him for ignoring Sam’s texts. In episode 3, we find out that Sam hasn’t given Sharon the same treatment. He hasn’t texted or called her, despite the fact that she had placed her career on the line for him, Steve, and Bucky. His only concern was Bucky and to see how he was doing.

Not only did he text Bucky, but Sam is periodically checking on his state of mind and well being, showing genuine concern and care. 

“You good?” 

“What’s going on in that Cyborg brain of yours?” 

Again, we don’t see him check on other characters like this. Bucky gets special treatment.

Sam lets Bucky do what he wants

The keyword here is lets. Sam lets Bucky do whatever the f*ck he wants to do because he’s weak in the face of Bucky’s desires and demands. Sam can be very stubborn, he’s just subtle with it. In the show, he refuses to give up on the boat, refuses to give into his sister’s demands, and tries to think of solutions for this problem. That bank scene not only hints at the consequences of the blip and other social issues, but it highlights Sam’s intelligence and determination. When he wants something, he will work hard to get it. That’s why he survived so long as Steve’s partner-in-crime when they were on the run. And he still hasn’t given up on the boat.

Yet, we see this intelligent, stubborn man cave into Bucky over and over again. First, Bucky wants to come with him on the mission in episode 2. Sam says no, but Bucky is sitting with him on the plane in the next scene. If Sam truly didn’t want Bucky to come, he wouldn’t have let him come. He isn’t a pushover- he gave up Steve’s shield because he couldn’t stand the idea of being the new Captain America. Some other examples: Sam lets Bucky go in to see Zemo alone and goes along with his plan to use Zemo’s connections to find out more about the super-soldier serum.

Sam keeps touching Bucky’s metal arm

He’s touched Bucky’s metal arm a total of three times. The first time, after rolling in the flowers, he lets his hand rest on it. This is almost a comforting gesture, one that is entirely unnecessary, but the camera lingers on the touch for a few seconds. Next, in the therapy scene, he pointedly slaps Bucky’s vibranium arm. In episode 3, Sam protectively grabs Bucky when he sees that the danger has increased in the bar. The touch helps snap Bucky out of his Winter Soldier mode. 

This shows a fascination with what makes Bucky different and dangerous, which could be the type of people Sam’s attracted to sexually. Let’s not forget that Sam had expressed physical attraction towards Black Widow, who is the embodiment of sensuality and danger. Sam Wilson has a type, and Bucky fits it.

Sam calls Bucky “Buck”

 It’s the nickname Steve had for Bucky, and it’s interesting that Sam seems a little bothered when Bucky says he couldn’t use it.

“Why not? It’s what Steve called you?”

“Steve knew me longer. And Steve had a plan.”

Sam rolls his shoulders, a gesture of discomfort. He says, “I have a plan.” Almost like he wanted to say, now, can I call you “Buck,” too? It’s also very illuminating to hear this nickname when Sam’s afraid for Bucky’s life in episode 3:

[Gunshots]

“Buck!” Sam yells.

The nickname shows a deeper level of intimacy between Sam and Bucky, something that Sam wants. That’s why he uses it, remarks on Steve having used it, and continues to use it. 

Sam lets himself argue with Bucky

Again, the keyword here is lets. Sam is a very controlled person. I’ve read numerous posts about all the things that Sam has to deal with - blip, institutionalized racism, Captain America’s mantle, that mantle being given to a lesser suited individual, losing his boat, losing his friends, and losing the connection with his family. Yet, Sam holds himself together very well. He doesn’t break dangerous criminals out of prison (looking at you Bucky), and he tries to follow his values in a world that is making less and less sense to him. 

Yet, with Bucky Barnes, he allows himself the freedom to argue with him. They argue in episode 2 numerous times, but I’m going to focus on the argument in episode 3. I loved that random back-and-forth in the middle of a fight scene. I cannot picture Sam doing something like that with Steve, and he definitely wouldn’t argue like that with anyone else. With Bucky, we see Sam let his guard down to bicker and voice his immediate feelings and thoughts. We don’t see this happen with anyone else! He’s usually more guarded with his true thoughts and emotions.

What does Bucky feel?

Unfortunately, I don’t see clear evidence that Bucky reciprocates his feelings. There’s evidence that some feelings are forming (I have high hopes for the pulling Sam’s hand closer to his chest scene!), and the genuine bond is there. As of now, Sam’s feelings run deeper. It’s understandable because Bucky is a man in transition. He doesn’t know who he is, and we can see that struggle in some small details here and there: for example, when Sam wedges his thigh between his in the therapy scene, Bucky places his hands over his crotch in an insecure position. Sam, on the other hand, is relaxed and secure in his identity. Bucky is still struggling to adjust to the modern world when he’s a 1940s man at heart. Plus, there’s Steve. According to Sharon, Bucky was “Mr. America” (LOL). He needs more time to solidify himself and his feelings.

Where did these feelings come from?

Sexual attraction (sexy and dangerous is Sam’s type)

Bucky is probably the only person in his life who makes sense. Everything else is so different and difficult.

He was Steve’s close friend, and Sam loved and respected Steve.

Bucky ignites his protective instincts. Bucky emphasizes this when he says that Sam gave up so much for him. (Interesting that Bucky doesn’t mention Steve, who wanted to save his best friend and helped to convince his current friend to help him do that.)

Perhaps, Bucky reminds him of Riley (would love to see a Riley flashback)

He feels a connection to the loneliness he sees in Bucky. Despite the people in his life and his natural charisma, Sam strikes me as a solitary figure.

Ultimately, we still know very little about Sam and Bucky, and we have three episodes left of the show, so many things can change! Hopefully, the change will be good for this ship.

I hope you enjoyed this meta. Thank you for reading!

[alpines-bucky]

No one said Starks weren't a little dramatic

This is the first time I write Tony x daughter reader I hope you guys like it :)

Word Count: 2319 ( Things got a bit out of my hands while I was editing and eventhough it's edited I can't promise that there aren't any typos and I dtill wasn't satisfied with what I wrote but 🤷‍♀️Ig )

Warnings: Major character death, a lot of angst

Y/N loses her dad when he decides to save the universe with a snap of his fingers but when did anyone see a Stark not getting what they want? Let me answer for you, Never. ( AKA Y/N gambles with time and space and universes surprisingly there isn't any VA involved cause in my opinion they suck to save her dad but apparently there are always consequences)

Y/N had arrived at her destination albeit being a little late. She wanted to be there when the team tried to go back in time to get the Stones in hopes of saving aunt Tasha too but she had one and only shot at this so she had to make do with what she had. What she didn’t realise was she accidentally changed universes instead of going back in time.

The way she found out that the place she had arrived wasn’t when or where she intented to was Morgan, the little girl with big Brown eyes who had total control over her older sister the second they met. Y/N had to lay low and do her research before approaching them. But when she heard about Morgan she had to meet her before doing what she came to do. And that’s exactly what she did.

She found Morgan in a house by the lake with a woman who she assumed was Pepper.Her visit was short since she couldn’t afford getting caught by Pepper which would mean jeopardising the whole plan she had spent months making. She left a message for her dad before going off to save the man itself.

Her dad was fighting with Thanos when she arrived to the scene. The more she looked around the more it looked like the place she fought along with her dad and that meant one thing, she had to act quick.

‘’I am inevitable’’ Thanos said as he snapped his finger but nothing happened. Confused, he looked at his gauntlet to find that the Stones that were there a minute ago were no longer in their places. He looked around to see that Tony had them somehow.

‘’And I’m Iron Man’’ said Tony full of emotions as he was about to snap his fingers. He thought having all six Stones in his hands would kill him being a mortal and he was fine with it if that meant she could ensure his family’s security but he felt nothing. He thought he had died instantly but he found out that wasn’t the case when he got startled by an unknown voice.

‘’Oh, the hell with that!’’ said a girl who wore a similar suit to Tony’s. She seemed to appear out of nowhere. Which confused both man further.

‘’Who the hell are you?’’ asked Tony. Who the hell was mad enough decided to mess up the only chance of him stopping the big purple psycho of a man.

‘’Who do you think?’’ said the girl, winking at him confidentally but her eyes told a different story. There was sadness in them, grief and loss but it seemed like she was happy at the same time.What surprised him was the familiarity she carried but he couldn’t put his finger on it. So he searched her suit for some clues which led up to him finding the Stones. She was the reason he was not dead, she somehow got possession of the Stones.

‘’Kid, no!’’ yelled Tony. He attempted to get closer to her but she snapped her fingers before he could stop her. Everything stilled for a second. The other avengers thought Tony had done it as Thanos’ soldiers had started to turn to dust all of a sudden but when they found a girl that they’ve never seen before in the arms of Tony with fetal injuries they were puzzled. They gathered around Tony and the girl who struggled tos tay alive.

‘’I made it! I… I saved you, Dad.’’Tony was shocked at her words. He was processing what he heard as Pepper landed next to them and kneeled. They couldn’t Wrap their heads around what was happening but they both were not going to let a dying kid down for sure.

She had a difficulty breathing, she was in agonizing pain but she had a peaceful smile on her face. She tried to lift her hand but it pained her more, she whimpered. Tony sensed her intentions and put her hand on his cheek for her. He put his hand on top of her, gave it a gentle squeeze. ‘’Friday, what do we have?’’ asked Tony.

‘’3 to 4 degree burns from her right hand up to her face. Internal bleeding. Her lungs are collapsing... Life functions critical.’’ Answered the voice from both of the suits. Pepper grimaced, she didn’t know who this girl was but she had sacrificed herself for Tony, the man she referred ‘dad’. ‘’Who are you?’’ asked Pepper.

‘’I’m–‘’ she coughed, blood was pooling in her mouth. ‘’I’m surprised you couldn’t figure it out yet…’’ she let out a bloody laugh. ‘’I’m Y/N. Y/N Stark.’’ She said with her last breath. That shook the whole group to their cores. The girl wasn’t lying or confusing Tony with someone else. The girl who lied in his Tony’s arms nonbreathing was infact the daughter of Tony Stark. From the moment they realised the truth everything was a blur to the Stark Family and the avengers.

Y/N was Tony’s first daughter who had died in a cross fire 7 years ago. She was a teenager at the time. She would have been a few years older than Peter if she had lived. It was a wrong place wrong time type of situation, she had died on the scene. Tony had nightmares after that, his insomnia got worse. He had blamed himself although it had nothing to do with him. The guilt ate him alive day by day. He realised why the girl’s eyes were so familiar to him now, she was his Y/N/N. A grown, older version of her, but his Y/N nontheless.

He didn’t think he could recover from her death but losing her, seeing her die in his arms for the second time ruined him. He had no idea what was happening outside of his head, he was in a trance, he had stayed still looking at his hands where Y/N laid. Until his little girl, Morgan came up to him with a disk in hand and said ‘’Daddy! Daddy! A girl called Y/N wanted me to give this to you’’ That got everyone’s attention.

Tony told Friday to scan the disk and display whatever is in it. When he saw Y/N in front of her, he couldn’t stop the tears from falling and when she started speaking as if she could see her Tony lost it. He couldn’t hear her because of his own sobs, he didn’t even realised the rest of the avengers and his wife as they piled in the room when they heard Tony and Y/N’s voice. He had to stop the hologram a few times to gather himself. When he got control of his breathing, he built up his courage and displayed it all over again.

‘’Hey dad. I’m assuming since you are watching this I suceed. I’ve saved you.’’ She had to stop for a second to take a breath in to compose herself. ‘This time’ she said under her breath but Friday caught it.

‘’You are wondering how the hell I am alive. Well… For starters, I didn’t know that I was dead in this world which… makes you realise that I’m not from this world. I’m actually from what you call an alternative universe. Things got out of hand in my universe after… after you… Oh shit! This is too hard. I knew I couldn’t do this shit! I can’t even talk to my own god damn suit picturing it as my hypothetical dad without messing it up’’ that made a few people chuckle and a few others tos mile. The girl really was his father’s child after all.

‘’Okay I’m hoping you either won’t have to watch this or I can cut that part before giving it to Morgan. Anyways, I’m rambling.’’ Tony saw his younger self in Y/N which put a sad smile to his face. This was something he never got to experience before. To see her this grown up. To see a pieces of him in her.

‘’ So things went down hill after you did the whole ‘I’m Iron Man’ thing –which by the way I’m still mad at you about­- You… You died in my hands, dad.’’ She gulped. She had begun crying a while ago but now that she was talking about her dad’s death, she felt like the lump in her throat got bigger and bigger, suffocating her. ‘’ I was all alone for years! You were all I had and then within a second you were gone! I didn’t have anyone else!’’ She tried to calm herself. She wasn’t recording this to make him feel guilty or get answers she was possibly never going to hear. This was a goodbye. A goodbye she knew he deserved just like how she did from him.

‘’That’s why I made the decision to change it but I accidentally changed universes instead of going back in time. But this was my only chance, only shot at making it right. And then I found out that I had died in this universe and you had moved on. Good for you, dad. I’m really proud of you. You did what I couldn’t. It was a relief to know that you were happy and that you had a family now. I thought for a second that maybe the blip didn’t happen. That in this universe, you had a lovely life and I thought for a second maybe I could be in it too. Stay with you but that hope was shortly lived.’’ She gave a sad smile.

‘’And now I’m about to go to the battle field. Before I go, I have to say, I don’t know how if there is any way for me to stop you. I can’t take it all back but I will do anything to not let another girl grow up without her dad. And I ain’t going to let my own sister down. Oh, did you know that I always wanted a sister?’’ she chuckled making Tony’s heart warm. It has been so long since he heard his daughter chuckle the damn way he does. She stopped for a second to think ‘’Well, she has the Stark charm, that’s for sure. I only knew her for a few hours and she had me the second we met. I wish I could be there for her as her older sister. I would give anything to see her grow up but if that has to be for only one of us to see, I’d rather that be you because I’ve been there. I know how hard it is to lose your dad. I could see clearly what she would have to go through and the moment I realised that I knew what I had to do. I would stop you at all costs and since this reacording is being played I could sleep peacefully knowing she has you.’’ She smiled with tears escaping her eyes once again. Tony was full of emotions. His daughter he has been longing for years was right in front of him but way too far away at the same time.

With a sigh she started ‘’ You have people you can hold on to. I never did. Pepper, Morgan, Rhodey, the spider kid... Hold on to them Tony. Hold on to the team. Oh, speaking of the team, tell them I love them and I missed them so badly. I’m sorry. I thought I was going to have more time to talk And maybe if a miracle happens and we all can manage to stay alive I could tell you all about it but I have to go now. Have an old man to save’’ She saluted and looked around right where the broken team of Avengers were with longing in her eyes. She moved closer to the disk to cut the recording but decided against it the last second. Tony hung his head, his heart broke to hear the hope in her voice when he knew what already happened. He thought this was the end of the recording but he looked up when he heard her talking and she had turned to him and looked right at him as if she knew where he was stated. That sent shivers up Tony’s spine.

‘’I know you think I made the wrong decision but I saved you. I refuse to let you down once again. I refuse to see you die in front of me once again. I’m not sorry for what I’m about to do, I knew the consequences when I made this plan months ago. I’m only sorry because although I tried so much to have the future we always talked about with you, I won’t be able to, Tones. But Morgan will be. And I would give up anything for that little girl. And for you.’’ She said as she caressed the necklace Tony gave her when she was a child. She took the chain out of her neck and put it somewhere Tony couldn’t see. And Tony knew this was only a tape but he tried to hold on to his daughter, to stop her from going out there. His breath caught in his throat when his hands went through Y/N’s body. He fell to his knees.

‘’ But hey if it turns out that I, this badass manage to get both of us home in one peace one we can laugh our asses off as we watch me being the drama queen that I am… Well, no one said Starks weren’t a bit dramatic.’’ The heart Tony thought had broken to a million pieces broke further as he heard the tremble in her voice as she tried to put her brave face on. But she couldn’t hide it when one last tear escaped from her slightly swollen eyes as she ended the recording.

Why do I never have good endings? Cause I write in the middle of the night when I feel sad most of the time and it's easier to write sad than it is to write happy.

I hope you liked it. I would love to hear your thoughts on this one. I'd also like to discuss if you'd like the alternative ending that could be a happy one :)

[tricksters-captain]

Bucky Barnes imagines - Some Sunny Day Part 2

AN: I’m splitting episode 3 into two chapters because so much happens. 

Summary: Before the Blip, you and Bucky were close. After you both returning and Tony’s funeral, you decided to go back to your home town to spend time with your family. When duty calls, you return.  

In this chapter: Despite your protests, Bucky seeks out Zemo (Based on S1 EP3)

(PART 1 HERE)

Pairing(s): Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader, Sam Wilson x Platonic!Reader

Word Count: 5,196

Warnings: Spoilers for episode 3, violence, strong language. 

You watched Bucky as he sat beside you on the aircraft. 

“Do you mind?” Bucky’s side eye didn’t make you look away. 

“I’m just trying to see what’s going through that head of yours.” You confessed. You were all on your way to Germany to visit Zemo. It wasn’t a plan you were happy with but it was the plan. 

“Don’t bother.” Bucky frowned, looking down at his hands on his lap. “And don’t ask me if I think this is a good idea again.” 

“I wasn’t going to ask that.” You turned away from the man.

“What was it then?” Bucky asked. 

“I was going to ask if you were sure you wanted to do this.” It was another question you had already asked 20 times or more but you couldn’t shake the overwhelming feeling of anxiety about this trip. 

“She has a right to be worried, Buck. The last time you were alone with Zemo, you ended up putting (Y/n) through three windows.” Sam reminded you both of what happened the last time you were in Berlin. 

“It won’t happen this time.” Bucky tried to reassure you both but you still felt uneasy. 

After another hour or so Sam announced that you were almost there. 

It was a short drive to the prison from the airport but once you were inside, you felt your chest begin to tighten again. 

“He’s just through that corridor.” The German guard gestured up ahead and that’s when Bucky stopped you. 

“Alright. Give us a sec.” Bucky instructed the security guard before turning to you and Sam. “I’m gonna go in alone.”

“Why?” Sam asked, 

“You’re Avengers. You know how he feels about that.” Bucky said as he looked between the two of you. 

“It’s not like you two were known for frolickin’ in the sun together.” Sam felt he needed to remind Bucky of the past again. However, Bucky stood his ground. 

“He was obsessed with HYDRA. We have a history together. Trust me. I got it.” 

“Buck...” You started, 

“I got it.” He repeated himself before you could say anything else. 

You watched Bucky head through the doors alone. 

“Let’s wait outside. This place gives me the creeps.” Sam encouraged you to follow him to which you didn’t do without hesitation. 

Sam brought you a hot drink as you sat on a bench outside. 

“I forgot how worried he can make you.” Sam admitted as he sat down beside you.

“I’ve seen what he went through, Sam. All of it leading up to Zemo. I just... I don’t want it happening to him again.” You knew you couldn’t explain the extent of why you cared for Bucky. 

“You love him.” Sam said. It wasn’t a question but rather a statement. “I can see it clear as day. Anyone could if they stuck around long enough.” 

“Why are you bringing this up, Sam?” You sighed, looking away from him. 

“Because it’s also obvious that he loves you too. You run around driving each other crazy with worry but you have none of the good stuff that comes with being in love with someone.” 

“What do you know about love, Don Juan?” You chuckled as you tried to lighten the tone.

“I know it when I see it.” Sam smiled but there was a sadness behind his eyes. 

“Things are complicated, Sam.” You muttered, “You already know that.” 

“Well I also think that if Bucky got some he’d be a whole lot less angsty all the damn time.” You knew Sam only said it to make you laugh but you still gave him a whack for the comment. 

“Shut up, Sam.” You shook your head, trying not to smile at the inappropriate comment. 

Sam kept you entertained by a couple of silly games of rock, paper, scissors before Bucky returned. 

“Come on, I got some information. We gotta go.” Bucky hurried you and Sam along. 

“Just like that?” You were surprised that Zemo even spoke to Bucky at all. 

“A location. I’ll explain everything once we get there.” Bucky wasn’t giving you much information and it was making you a little suspicious. 

“Hey, hey, hey...” Sam ran after Bucky, stopping him. “You gotta give us a little more than that.”

“Zemo agreed to help us after hearing that there were more super soldiers. It was his life ambition to stop the winter soldier programme and he’s given us a lead.” Bucky explained. 

“And you’re just gonna trust his word?” You probed. 

“There’s not much else we can do.” Bucky did make a point. 

It didn’t take long to reach the large warehouse/garage that Bucky wanted to go to. 

Bucky on the way had started rambling about breaking Zemo out of jail in order to help you guys which sounded ridiculous to you. 

“Tell me you’re joking, Buck.” You pleaded, unsure whether he had lost his mind entirely. 

“He’s our best shot at finding who is making the serum and he’d be a lot more useful out than in.” Bucky opened the door to the building and you followed him inside.

“What are you talking about? You wanna break Zemo outta jail? Where are we, Buck? Have you lost your mind?” Sam was just as lost as you were as he shot questions at Bucky. 

“We have no leads, no moves, nothing.” Bucky sighed as you made your way in with your flashlights. 

“What we have is one of the most dangerous men in the world behind bars.” Sam argued. 

“We also have eight Super Soldiers that are loose.” Bucky retorted. 

“Anyway, I thought this was a lead?” You tried to look around but the place was badly lit. There were mainly mechanic tools and lots of storage scattered around. 

“It’s complicated.” Bucky frowned.

“What’s complicated is Zemo. He’s gonna mess with our minds. Especially yours. No offence.” Sam shone his flashlight at Bucky as he spoke. 

“Offence.” Bucky didn’t look impressed as he found the light switch. “Super Soldiers go against everything he believes in. He is crazy, but he still has a code.” 

“I’ve been on the wrong side of that code and so have you. He blew up the UN, he killed King T’Chaka and framed you for it. Did you forget that? You think the Wakandans forgot about it? It’s a rhetorical question. They didn’t. I know why this matters to you, but it’s pushing you off the deep end.” Sam stepped closer to Bucky. You couldn’t deny that Sam had a point. Zemo was the one who tore the avengers apart by framing Bucky.  “We don’t know how they’re gettin’ the serum. We don’t even know how many of them there are.” Bucky couldn’t give up. “Let me just walk you through a hypothetical. Can I?”

“What did you do?” Sam narrowed his eyes at Bucky. 

You were busy looking inside the car that was revealed by the lights coming on. 

“I didn’t do anything.” Bucky shook his head before he continued with his ‘hypothetical’. 

“The weakest point in any system isn’t the software, the hardware, it’s the meatware. The human element. Now, in this lockup, it’s nine to one, prisoners to guards. And if two prisoners start fighting, then the protocol says four guards have to respond.”

“So why would two prisoners randomly start fighting at that moment? Who knows?” Sam questioned. 

“There could be many reasons…” Bucky shrugged. “But the point is, these things escalate. Lockdown procedures would have to be initiated, and with all those bodies flying around left and right, wouldn’t be hard to slip down a hallway or two.

At this point, you stopped looking around and looked over at Bucky with your arms across your chest. You weren’t liking how thought out this plan was sounding. 

“And if the fire alarm got tripped while the prisoners were being separated someone could use the chaos to their advantage.” Bucky continued. 

“I don’t like how casual you’re bein’ about this. This is unnatural. Are you… And where are we, man?” Sam gestured around the place with confusion locked on his face. 

“Bucky, I’m with Sam on this one. I’ve got a bad feeling and–––” A door opening behind you cut you short. 

You turned around to see Zemo walk through the plastic door curtains. 

“Woah, woah, woah!” Sam jumped forward instructively. Bucky managed to stop him but he didn't stop you. 

You rushed towards Zemo and held the tip of one of your knives to his Adams apple as he held his hands up. 

“What are you doing here?” Sam shouted at Zemo before snapping back to Bucky.

“I didn’t tell ’cause I knew you wouldn’t let this happen.” Bucky admitted. 

“What did you do?” Sam pointed at Zemo in shock.

“We need him.” Bucky stated to which you chuckled harshly, pressing your knife a little harder. 

“You’re going back to prison!” Sam called over. 

“If I may..? “ Zemo tried to speak but you all shut him up with a unanimous ‘No.’

“Apologies.” Zemo mumbled. 

“(Y/n), put the knife down.” Bucky came towards you and wrapped his hand round your wrist. “Please?” 

You did. Slowly. 

“Look, when Steve refused to sign the Sokovia Accords, you both backed him. You broke the law, and you stuck your neck out for me. I’m asking you to do it again.” Bucky looked back and forth from you to Sam. 

“I really think I’m invaluable.” Zemo spoke again. 

“Shut up.” You rose the knife again to which Zemo took a step back and pretended to zip his mouth shut. 

“Okay.” Sam sighed after a moment of contemplation. “If we do this, you don’t make a move without our permission.”

“Fair.” Zemo nodded. 

“Bucky... You understand what this means right? If they find out we took Zemo, specifically you. We’ll be on the run again and I don’t know if there will be a pardon this time either.” The concern in your eyes made Bucky frown. 

“It’ll be alright. He's the only shot we got to stop these guys.” Bucky wasn’t sure if he believed his own words but he was praying that this was the best thing to do. 

“Alright.” You turned to Zemo. “So where do we start?”

Zemo gestured for you to follow him before taking you into another dark room. You kept your knife in your hand just in case.

He reached for the light switch to reveal a mass of classic cars. 

“So our first move is grand theft auto?” Sam cocked his eyebrow at the impressive collection.  

“These are mine. Collected by family over the generations. I spent years hunting people HYDRA recruited to recreate the serum. Because once it’s out there, someone can create an army of people… like the Avengers.”  Zemo entered one of the cars and pulled out a bag. “I ended the Winter Soldier program once before. I have no intention to leave my work unfinished. To do this, we’ll have to scale a ladder of lowlifes.”

“Well, join the party. We’ve already started.” Sam told the man.

“First stop is a woman named Selby. Mid-level fence I still have a line on. From there, we climb.” Zemo took his bag and headed into another room. 

“Jesus... How big is this place?” You looked around to see it was full of clothes. 

“First I change and then we head to Selby.” Zemo placed the bag down before filing through one if the rails of clothes. 

“How are we supposed to get anywhere with Zemo on our hands? We can’t exactly call Torres and ask for a ride but please ignore the fugitive that’s coming with us.” You looked between the boys. 

“I will get us there.” Zemo told you. 

“Great.” You pressed a fake smile onto your face which Zemo chose not to acknowledge.

Before you knew it you were at the airport at Zemo’s private jet.

“So all this time you’ve been rich?” Sam’s eyes went wide at the sight of the plane.

“I’m a Baron, Sam. My family was royalty until your friends destroyed my country.” Zemo spoke as if it was well known information. You felt a pang hit you in the chest, it happened every time you thought of Sokovia... it was guilt. 

You watched Zemo greet an elderly man in a suit before you entered the jet. 

You sat furtherest away from Zemo, still feeling very uncomfortable about him being free and under your custody. 

You watched him sip on a glass of champagne like he had no worries in the world. 

“You don’t know what it’s like to be locked in a cell. Oh. That’s right you do.” Zemo reminded you of the time Tony had locked a lot of the avengers up. 

“Why don’t you tell us about where we’re going?” Sam suggested. 

 “I’m sorry. I was just fascinated by this. I don’t know what to call it, but this part seems to be important. Who is Nakajima?” 

Before you could blink, Bucky had lunged forward and taken Zemo by the neck.  

“If you touch that again, I’ll kill you.” Bucky kept hold of Zemo for a second longer before sitting back down. You had fought the urge to get up and take hold of his arm to calm him down.  

"I’m sorry. I understand that list of names. People you’ve wronged as the Winter Soldier.” Zemo made no attempt at a sincere apology for the invasion of privacy.  

“Don’t push it.”  Bucky warned him.

“I’ve seen that book. It was Steve’s when he came out of the ice. I told him about Trouble Man. He wrote it in that book. Did you hear it? What’d you think?” Sam smiled as he thought back on the memory. 

“I like ’40s music, so…” Bucky shrugged. 

“You didn’t like it?” Sam seemed more shock to hear this than when he saw Zemo. 

“I liked it.” Bucky proclaimed. 

“It is a masterpiece, James. Complete. Comprehensive. It captures the African-American experience.” Even Zemo had to get involved. 

“He’s out of line, but he’s right. It’s great. Everybody loves Marvin Gaye.” Sam turned back to Bucky after giving side eye to Zemo. 

“I like Marvin Gaye.” Bucky repeated. 

“Steve adored Marvin Gaye.” Sam couldn’t drop it but you didn’t bother getting involved. 

You looked at the book in Bucky’s hands. You knew Steve had given it to him before but seeing it again after all this time brought up a hundred thoughts. You remembered the many things you had told Steve to watch or eat or listen to like ABBA, Mochi ice cream and pranking him by suggesting the twilight movie as must see. 

“You must have really looked up to Steve.” Zemo mentioning Steve made you look up again. “But I realised something when I met him. The danger with people like him, America’s Super Soldiers, is that we put them on pedestals.”

“Watch your step, Zemo.” Sam warned him. 

“They become symbols. Icons. And then we start to forget about their flaws. From there, cities fly, innocent people die. Movements are formed, wars are fought. You remember that, right?” Zemo looked over at Bucky. “As a young soldier sent to Germany to stop a mad icon. Do we want to live in a world full of people like the Red Skull? That is why we’re going to Madripoor.” 

“What’s up with Madripoor? You talk about it like it’s Skull Island.” Sam asked but you already knew of Madripoor. Anyone with links to the underworld of crime knew of Madripoor. 

“It’s an island nation in the Indonesian archipelago. It was a pirate sanctuary back in the 1800s.” Bucky informed him. 

“It’s kept its lawless ways. But we cannot exactly walk in as ourselves. James, you will have to become someone you claim is gone.” Zemo looked down at his duffel bag of clothes that you had watched him pack before.

“What do you mean by that?” You finally chimed into the conversation. 

“James will have to retake the person of the Winter Soldier. You both will have a role to play also.” Zemo explained, turning to face you as you sat in the chair by the back wall of the jet. 

“Bucky, can I speak to you privately?” You looked past Zemo to Bucky. Bucky gave you a look to ask where would you go so you stood and opened the cabin toilets door. 

Bucky huffed before following you in.

“Bucky I’m not okay with this.” You whispered as you pressed yourself up against the wall so you could try and fit both you and Bucky a little more comfortably. 

“This isn’t up to you.” Bucky sighed. 

 “Everything about this situation is making every nerve in my body scream this is a bad idea.” You folded your arms across your chest as you stared up at Bucky. 

“How many times do I have to tell you that this is the only plan we got?” 

“I don’t trust him.” You kept your voice low as you threw your hand up in the direction of the door. 

“Do you trust me?” Bucky asked. 

“I’m starting to question it.” You muttered. 

Bucky just stared at you in response. 

“Yes, I trust you.” You grumbled, caving in. 

“Anyway I have you if things go bad.” Bucky tried to make light of the situation but you weren't impressed. 

You left the bathroom and remained silent until you drew closer to Madripoor. 

Upon your arrival in Madripoor, you were handed some clothes to change into. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me?” You held up the small material dress that you were meant to wear. 

“I had to choose a disguise that would cover your face. Too many people here would know you from your days before the avengers and after.” Zemo defended his choice of ‘costume’ for you. 

“So I’m assassin barbie?” You scoffed before taking to the bathroom to change. 

You slid on the black leather playsuit and boots, along with the mask that Zemo gave you. 

You felt exposed and uncomfortable. You managed to hide a few knives in your boots and you slid on a thigh holster to hold some more to make you feel like you were protected at least. 

“Loose the knives.” Zemo instructed. 

“Are you serious?” You were growing more agitated by the minute with this man. 

“You are playing an escort. You can’t have knives on show.” Zemo pointed to your holster. 

You bit down on your cheek as you removed it. 

“Fine.” You then left the plane to Sam and Bucky waiting outside. Bucky’s eyes went wide at the sight of you but he tried to hide it by clearing his throat and looking away. 

“We have to fix this. I’m the only one who looks like a pimp.” Sam was wearing a red patterned suit and chains. He didn’t look too bad in it either.

“Only an American would assume a fashion-forward Black man looks like a pimp. You look exactly like the man you’re supposed to be playing. The sophisticated, charming African rake named Conrad Mack, aka the Smiling Tiger.” Zemo handed Sam his phone revealing a picture of Conrad Mack.

“He even has a bad nickname. Hell, he does look like me, though.” Sam took the phone and looked down at the picture. 

“(Y/n) is playing your partner for the night. Conrad is known for his appreciation for the finer things in life and often has a woman on his arm Therefore, (Y/n), you must be attached to Sam’s hip the entire night.” Zemo filled you all in on the reason behind your disguise. 

“Excuse me, what?” Bucky almost choked at the idea of you having to be Sam’s woman for the night. 

“Well it is the only disguise that makes sense. She can’t be your girlfriend as you are the Winter Soldier. She can’t be mine as everyone knows I am loyal to my wife. She has to be the smiling tigers current whore.” 

“Watch your mouth.” Bucky hissed. 

“We all must play a part.” Zemo defended his choice of words. “You smell this?”

“Yeah, what is that? Acid?” Sam asked. 

“Madripoor. No matter what happens, we have to stay in character. Our lives depend on it. There’s no margin for error. High Town’s that way. Not a bad place if you wanna visit, but Low Town’s the other way.” Zemo gestured across the city as a car approached you all. 

“Let me guess. We don’t have any friends in High Town.” You sighed as Zemo opened the car door for you. 

“Not if we want the answers we are looking for.” Zemo climbed into the car after you and then the boys followed. 

It didn't take too long to find the way to low town. You had been to Madripoor before but it had been years ago. 

You did as you were ordered when you all exited Zemo’s car. You stuck by Sam, walking in the middle of Sam and Bucky. 

The air wasn’t cold but it felt thick, you could feel it sticking to your bare skin which gave you the desperate urge to take a long shower. 

“Here we are.” Zemo had brought you to a bar. It was busy and filled with a lot of men.  

“Ready to comply, Winter Soldier?” You heard Zemo ask Bucky in Russian. 

You heard whispers around you questioning if Bucky was who everyone thought he was. It made your gut clench with nerves but you didn’t let it show. 

“Hello, gentlemen. Wasn’t expecting you, Smiling Tiger.” The bartender greeted Sam and Zemo but barely brushed a glance over you.

“His plans changed. We have business to do with Selby.” Zemo spoke for Sam. You then felt Sam wrap his arm around your waist. You leaned into him, batting your eyelashes first at Sam and then the bartender. 

“The usual?” The bartender asked Sam. He nodded, afraid that if he spoke then it would give away the facade. 

You were thankful you were wearing a face mask when you saw the drink made for the Smiling Tiger. You grimaced at the dead snake being cut open and then again when one of its organs was dropped into Sam’s shot. 

“Ah, Smiling Tiger. Your favourite.” Zemo picked up his own drink as he looked down at Sam’s. 

“I love these.” Sam forced himself to speak. 

“Cheers, Conrad.” Zemo and Sam touched glasses before Sam hesitantly shot back the drink. You could tell Bucky enjoyed watching that. 

“I got word from on high. You ain’t welcome here.” A man suddenly approached from behind and tapped Zemo on the shoulder. You felt Sam’s grip on you tighten protectively. 

“I have no business with the Power Broker, but if he insists, he can either come and talk to me...” Zemo held his hand out to show his new bodyguard. 

“New haircut?” The stranger looked Bucky up and down. 

“Or bring Selby for a chat.” Zemo gave him the other option. The man retreated. 

“A power broker? Really?” Bucky spoke once the stranger had left.

“Every kingdom needs its king. Let’s just pray we stay under his radar.”

“Do you know him?” Sam asked. 

“Only by reputation.” Zemo admitted honestly.

“In Madripoor he is judge, jury, and executioner. You can’t visit low town without appearing on his radar.” You spoke up as you let yourself look around the room and take in just how many threats were around. 

“And you know this why?” Sam looked down at you. He must've forgotten your past. 

“I was a free agent before the Avengers. I've been here undercover a few times especially when I was a young teenager. Surprise Surprise evil guys like little girls.” You kept quiet in case anyone around was listening. 

Zemo suddenly spoke a command for Bucky in Russian once again and that’s when another stranger put his hands on Zemo. 

You watched Bucky follow orders and he didn’t hold back. 

He grabbed hold of the strangers wrist and pulled him off Zemo before attacking him and several others around. 

You took notice of those around with their phones out. Cameras...

You went to step forward when you felt Sam squeeze your side. He gave you a look that told you no. 

“Didn’t take much for him to fall back into form.” Zemo muttered to you and Sam. You wanted to punch him. 

Bucky slammed another man onto the bar and that’s when you heard the wave of guns cocking. 

Sam took hold of Bucky’s arm when Zemo told him to stay in character. 

Instead Zemo told Bucky to stand down once you were informed you could see Selby. 

Sam took hold of you hand and dragged you along side him as you all left the bar. 

“She isn’t welcome.” One of the guards stopped you before you could enter the room. 

“Excuse me?” Sam scoffed at the guard. “She’s with me and so she is welcome.” 

“Let her in!” You heard an English accent call from ahead. 

“You should know, Baron. People don’t just come into my bar and make demands.” Selby was an older woman with a white pixie cut and a sly grin. Sam remained stood and so did Bucky but Sam had commanded you to take a seat next to Zemo. 

“Not a demand. An offer.” Zemo was impressing you by how cool he was playing this. It also worried you. 

“A lot has changed since you were here last. By the way, I thought you were rotting away in a German prison. How did you escape?“ Selby asked. 

“People like us always find a way, don’t we? I’m sure you’ve already figured out what I’m here for.”

“You’re taller than I’d heard, Smiling Tiger.” Selby ignored Zemo as she eyed up Sam.” What’s the offer?”

“Tell us what you know about the super-soldier serum. And I give you him, along with the code words to control him, of course. He will do anything you want.”Zemo had risen from his seat and held Bucky by the chin. 

“Now that’s the Zemo I remember. I’m glad I decided not to kill you immediately. Yeah, you were right to come to me. Arrogant, but right. The super-soldier serum is here in Madripoor. Dr. Wilfred Nagel is the man you wanna thank...Or condemn, depending on what side of this you’re on. The Power Broker had him working on the serum, but… things didn’t go as planned.” Selby fed you what she knew. 

“Is Nagel still in Madripoor?” Zemo questioned. 

“Oh. The bread crumbs you can have for free, but the bakery is gonna cost you, Baron. And before you get all cute, don’t think you can find Nagel without me.” Selby pushed herself from her seat and walked across the room. 

That’s when Sam’s mobile went off. 

“Answer it. On speaker.” Selby ordered. The gun behind Sam made him pull out his phone. 

“Hello?” He answered. 

“Hey, um, we need to talk about this situation. It’s been drivin’ me nuts.” A woman’s voice came through. 

“What situation exactly are you talkin’ about?” Sam tried his best to keep up his persona. 

“Are you high? You know what situation, it’s the only situation me and you have.” The woman’s attitude was not helping Sam’s case. 

“What situation, Sarah? Say it.” Sam demanded. 

“The damn boat. And watch your tone. Okay? I let you slide at the bank.” Sarah snapped back. 

“The bank. Yeah. Laundered so much...” Sam chuckled. “Yeah, they’ll come around.”

“If that was the case, then why’d they dog you out, Big Time?” Sarah asked. 

“Yeah, you damn right I’m Big Time. You’ll see when I have that banker killed.” Sam tried to seem intimidating but at that moment you knew you were screwed. You reached down into your boot to take a knife just in case. 

“Cass! What’d I tell you about the Cheerios? I don’t have time for this! Sam, I’m sorry. I’ll call you back.” Sarah had used Sam’s name and that was the end of it. 

“Sam? Who’s Sam?” Selby looked pissed. “Kill them!” She ordered but before her hired men could react, a bullet came through the window and shot Selby down. 

You snatched two knives from your boot and sent them into the guard behind Sam. 

Bucky immediately reacted with taking out the other guard. 

“They’re gonna pin this on us.” You took the knives from the body as the boys took the guns. 

“We have a real problem now, so leave your weapons and follow my lead.” Zemo’s order made the boys put their guns down but you just wiped your knives and placed them back in your boot. 

You left the club in a hurry. Text chimes went off around you and you knew the power broker had seen what happened. 

You were well and truly fucked. 

“This is not good.” Zemo’s last words before the shooting started. 

You took off alongside Bucky and Sam, cursing the fact that Zemo had put you in the most uncomfortable shoes on the planet. 

“I can’t run in these heels!” Sam shouted which almost made you laugh. 

“Down here!” You took a turn into an alley to get off the road as two mopeds appeared behind you. 

Before you could spin around to fight, a shooter had taken them out. 

“You seem to have a guardian angel.” Zemo looked just. as confused you felt. You weren’t aware you knew anyone who was in Madripoor at the moment. 

“Well, this is too perfect. Drop it, Zemo.” A familiar face soon revealed itself from the shadows. 

“Sharon?” Sam furrowed his brow at the woman. 

“You cost me everything.” Sharon ignore Sam as she spoke to Zemo. 

“Sharon, wait. Someone recreated the super-soldier serum and Zemo had a lead.” Sam stepped ahead of Zemo to protest him. 

“That explains why you guys are here. And Selby’s dead.”Sharon glowered at the four of you. 

“So what are you doing here?” Bucky asked the question on everyones mind. 

“I stole Steve’s shield, remember? I also took the wings for your ass, so that you could save him from him. I didn’t have the Avengers to back me up. So I’m off the grid in Madripoor.” Sharon informed you.

“Don’t blow smoke. Both (Y/n) and I were on the run, too.” Sam didn't bother with feeling pity. 

“Was. Is. Big difference. I don’t speak to my family anymore. I can’t. My own father doesn’t know where I am.” Sharon shot back. 

“Listen, Sharon, we need your help.” Bucky interrupted her before she could say anything else.  

“Please.” You added. You and Sharon were friendly for a time before the world went to hell. You figured she’d help you at least. 

“This isn’t over. I have a place in High Town. You’ll be safe there for a while.” Sharon sighed, giving in and lowering her gun. 

“Thank you.” You pressed a small smile onto your face but Sharon didn’t reciprocate. 

She managed to get you to a car safely and you headed out of low town for the night. 

(PART 3 HERE)

Bucky Barnes Tag List 

@florencxs @mystictimetravelcolor @yourphotographyteen16 @shannon-posts @darkbluenovember @sexwithhiddlesbatch @thefandomimagines @mydarkness-itsnotmyfriend @sad-huffle-nerd @glitchingghosts​ @themaddies-obx​

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

More than just a game

Warnings: dark elements including noncon and rape, oral, fingering, doxxing, stalking, and other explicit content. 

This is dark!Jake Jensen and explicit. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You find a new gaming buddy but he sees you as more than that.

Note: So this is my first Jake Jensen fic and it was lots of fun so let me know what you think and hope you enjoy. :D

Thank you. Love you guys!

As always, if you can, please leave some feedback, like and reblog <3

Special shout-out to @navybrat817​ for helping me with this idea

After too many nights scrolling through subreddits and searching for something to keep you distracted, you decided to bite the hook. Several other redditors agreed to hop on Minecraft and it had been a while since you logged in. You missed the almost relaxing ritual of mining and building.

You joined the chat, quick to hit the little microphone emblem as you listened to the voices in your headset. You learned long ago to keep your mic muted on the servers, especially with strangers. The last time you dared to speak up as a woman in a game chat, your DMs had become so overwhelmed you deleted and started a new account on Discord and changed your ID on Steam.

You were all given your tasks as players called out coordinates and you kept to chopping up the side of a mountain. You mostly worked alone, chatting through text instead of voice chat. As you placed a crafting table in your little mine, another player, JJ-Smooth, popped up and dropped some iron for you. 

He stayed close but you didn’t mind. A lot of players tried to work together the deeper they got and you were used to it. As you uncovered some lava, he dumped water before you could get burned and helped you hack up the obsidian. 

He thanked you on the voice chat but you knew any courtesy in return would earn you the attention of the entire server. So you dropped some gold for him and went on your way.

“I hear a zombie,” he warned.

You turned to hack up the undead before it could get you, only to be shot by a skeleton hidden on the next level. Another appeared and you died before you could hide, the bony villain killed by your ally as you watched your possession scatter over the death screen.

“Hey, I got your stuff,” he said as you loaded back up, “I’ll find you.”

You typed quickly in the chat, ‘sorry, mic busted, give me your coordinates and I’ll come to you.’

You waited as ‘JJ-Smooth is typing…’ appeared at the bottom and finally he sent the numbers. You hopped over the blocky hills and through the forests until you found the mine again. He was just outside and handed over all your tools and ration. He headed back into the mine and you followed him. This time, you began your own path in the opposite direction.

Before you knew it, you’d lost track of time. You sat back as you realised it was only you and JJ on the server. The silence should have tipped you off earlier. He was the host and you felt super awkward for staying so long. You typed that you were logging off for the night and thanked him. 

You hit the keyboard with your knuckle and yawned as you opened the screen, 

“God, it’s late,” you muttered.

“Hello?” he said.

Your eyes rounded as you looked at the mic symbol and the lack of red line made you cringe. You’d hit an extra button without noticing.

“Um, hi, sorry, I just--”

“Mic busted, huh?” he asked.

“No, I--” you didn’t know what to say, “anyways, I should--”

“So, you’re a chick? Is that why you mute?”

“Uh, well, it’s just… easier, sorry, I--” even if you weren’t trying to hide from gamer dudes, you weren’t the best at conversation.

“A gamer girl, nice,” he said and you sighed, “sorry, that sounded weird, didn’t it?”

“Mhmm,” you touched your bottom lip as you cupped your chin, “it’s late, I have to work tomorrow.”

“You comin’ back?” he asked, almost hopeful.

“I don’t know--”

“I won’t tell anyone,” he said abruptly, “promise, lips sealed.”

“I really don’t know if I can do this too much, I usually work early mornings so… yeah,” you said.

“I get it but you know you’re always welcome, hope you don’t mind if I send you an invite now and then. No pressure,” he offered.

“Uh, sure,” you shrugged, “okay, yeah, good night.”

You left the chat quickly and pulled off your headset. Shit.

‘I’m Jake by the way,’ a pm popped up, ‘gg.’

You typed back, ‘gg, it was fun’ and quickly logged out. You sat back and rubbed your eyes. Well, he didn’t seem like a total creep, maybe just a bit awkward but so were you. You shut down for the night and stretched out as you switched off the lamp. You were going to pay for your session in the morning.

🎮

A few nights later you got an invite to the server. You debated it but as it was Friday, you decided to make good use of the PC you’d saved up forever to build. You spawned in the middle of nowhere and built a bed before you found the half-finished settlement. You joined the chat but you must have been early as you were the only one there.

You headed back to the same mine, some work done since the first night, and laid your torches as you ventured into the depths. You jumped in your seat as a voice broke your peace.

“I don’t think anyone else is gonna join,” JJ-Smooth, or Jensen said, “you think maybe you’ll unmute?”

You stopped your mining and stared at the screen. You hovered over the mic button and re-read his name, he was the only other one there. You clicked and gave a strained smile to the screen.

“So, um, what’s the goal tonight?” you asked.

“Get some materials and go back to the settlement, keep building, oh, maybe we could try a portal, you ever gone to the nether?” he said but before you could reply he kept on, “shit, I shouldn’t assume, you seem like an experienced player.”

“Yeah, a few times, but I’m more a casual miner,” you went back to harvesting stone and ore.

“Ah,” he said, and it was silent for a moment, “so, you work again in the morning?”

“Not tomorrow,” you said as you focused on the game, “daycare isn’t open on the weekends.”

“A daycare, huh? That sounds fun, I love kids… not in a weird way but you know, I… urgh, I have a niece,” he said with a nervous chuckle, “nah, that’s cool though, sounds more fun than my gig.”

“Oh?” you turned and kept your axe moving.

“IT. You know, some people would be like ‘hey Jensen, why do you spend all your free time staring at a screen when that’s what you do at work?’” he scoffed, “well, who says I’m not mining there too.”

You wrinkled your forehead and gave a small laugh. He was rambling and it was kinda odd. You were happy for once not to be the strange one.

“But anyway,” he said, “I found lots of diamond over here. If we get some lapis lazuli we can build an enchanting table and get some sick armour.”

“Awesome,” you pressed your fingertips to your lip as you leaned on your elbow, “should try to head back before dark…”

“Hard to tell down here. How about you mine and I’ll keep an eye out for monsters?” he offered.

“Sure,” you agreed as he came onto your screen, “that works.”

🎮

Another week went by and you ventured back into the server a few times but not for very long as late nights did not mix with young children. The next weekend, you joined again on Saturday night and like the last few times it was just you and Jensen. You wondered why no one else was joining when the subreddit was so popular but you didn’t worry about it for long.

You mostly played in silence, Jensen did most of the talking and it was never about anything more than the game or his niece’s last soccer game. That night when you left the game, he kept typing on Discord.

‘I like playing with you,’ his message blipped up.

‘Same, thx.’

‘Really, you’re awesome.’

‘Thx :) Tired, gotta sleep.’

‘Sweet dreams.’

‘Night.’

You changed your status to offline and dragged yourself to bed. You opened your phone as you laid in the dark and went to the subreddit, you scrolled through the builds and screenshots of other people’s catastrophes. 

You came to Jensen’s last invite post from that night but all the comments complained that the world code was incorrect. Hmm, you should tell him next time.

You blackened your cell and plopped it on your night table. You rolled over and buried your face in the pillow, the light still etched into your vision. You fell asleep quickly and woke the next day to another invite from Jensen.

‘How about some Fortnite? If you’re into it?’

‘Srry, can’t, my mom’s expecting me for lunch.’

‘2 bad, maybe later.’

‘Maybe’.

You got ready to go see your mother for your usual Sunday afternoon visit and it went by like any other. When she asked you what you’d been up to, you didn’t mention the gaming, she was never a fan of it. When you got back home, Jensen was messaging you again. You didn’t open the notification and settled in to catch up on some streaming before another week of work.

Monday hit you like a train and you were glad you hadn’t spent the night mining again. If you had, you doubted you’d even be able to open your eyes. You got to the daycare centre and welcomed in the kids. You got them set up for the morning snack then cleaned up as Sandy took them over to the reading circle.

You wiped the tables and then did some painting before you went out for some play time in the yard. As you watched several of the children on the swings, you glanced around. There was a man across the street. You squinted through the chain link as he seemed to be watching but assured yourself it was nothing as he quickly headed for the corner and disappeared.

Inside, the kids were due for quiet time, some napped and those who didn’t, stared at the ceiling and yawned. You could have joined them but knew that wouldn’t be acceptable. The end of the day came and you helped the kids pack up their paintings and their sweaters. You waited in the yard with them as the parents showed up and handed them off one by one.

You waved to Danika as she clung to her mother and your eye was once more drawn beyond the chain link. The same faded grey jacket, the same glasses, and the hat with the frayed brim. It was a better look at the man. Was he looking at you? Why on earth was he hanging around outside a daycare?

“Sandy,” you turned and lowered your voice as she neared, “see that man?”

She peeked over and shrugged, “which one? The guy crossing the street?”

You looked up again and like before, he was walking away casually as if he hadn’t just been staring through the fence. You shook your head and huffed. “Sorry, never mind.”

“Ah, don’t worry about it,” she waved her fingers, “come on, let’s clean up.”

With the kids all sorted out, you went back in and tidied up the last of their mess. You and Sandy were friendly but like with any, you weren’t very talkative. You never really knew what to say but you were never unkind.

You pulled on your jacket and checked your purse for your phone and wallet. You checked the time and turned off the lights. You bid Sandy goodbye as she headed for her SUV and you took your usual route down the sidewalk towards your bus stop. 

You stopped short as the man was there. You were paranoid, he must just be waiting for the same route. You approached and he turned to watch you as you sat on the bench. He smiled and the dread sank deep in your chest. 

His rectangular glasses gave light to his blue eyes and a goatee trimmed his jaw. He was tall and well-built, you could tell even under his comic book tee. He was going to talk to you, another weirdo in the city.

“Hey,” his voice was chillingly familiar, “how was your day?”

You stared at him and blinked cluelessly. You looked around, it was only the two of you. You opened your mouth but you had to be wrong. He said your name and you winced.

“Jensen?” you breathed as you stood and squeezed the strap of your bag, “why? How--?”

“You weren’t answering me, I was worried,” he said, “just making sure you’re okay.”

“What the-- I don’t understand how--” He stepped closer and you backed up against the bench. “Don’t, I’ll scream.”

“Scream? Why? I’m just-- You know me, it’s me, Jensen.”

“You doxxed me?” you snapped, “what the hell?”

“No, I didn’t-- I’m just checking on you--”

“I don’t know you,” you said as your heart began to race, “so please, leave me alone,” you edged away from him, “and don’t message me again.”

You sprinted across the street and as you came up on the curb, you looked back at him. He watched you but didn’t follow. You could tell from there he wasn’t happy but the brim of his cap shadowed most of his face so you couldn’t guess if it was hurt or anger. You quickly spun away and continued down the next street to the nearest stop.

You couldn’t believe he’d just shown up like that. You couldn’t believe he would think that was okay. You couldn’t believe he’d think that much about you.

🎮

You blocked Jensen on Discord and left his world on Minecraft. That night you were shaky and nervous, afraid that he would show up at your apartment. Did he know where you lived? He must if he could figure out where you worked.

You didn’t open Steam that night. You paced your small apartment, jumping at every noise. Sleep didn’t come easily but in shallow spurts that left you even more tired. You watched over your shoulder as you walked to your stop and boarded with one eye on the door.

Work was little better as you found yourself distracted in the room full of toddlers. Sandy asked if you were okay as you kneaded play-do violently. You shook yourself out of your paranoia and assured her you were only short on sleep, not a complete lie.

You took out your phone when you stepped out for a small break. Your mom had called but you would have to get back to her when you had two hours to waste. There was another notification, that one from Discord, a friend request from JJ-NoRematch. It wasn’t hard to guess who it was and you declined it right away.

There were several others from Jensen, too. He followed your Insta, blocked; he followed your mostly empty twitter, blocked; and he even commented on your LinkedIn like a weird. You closed your phone and took a breath before you headed back into the kids, their voices rising in their excitement to go outside.

In the yard, you had another look around, expecting to see him there on the other side of the fence. You were slightly relieved when he wasn’t but still on edge. You joined a game of tag then watched several of the kids line up for the slide. You lost yourself in your job as you told yourself he must have gotten the hint, at least not to bother you irl.

Just like the day before, and every day, you left work and headed for your stop. He wasn’t there either and you sat down and phoned your mom, hanging up as the bus pulled up with a promise to call her again when you were home. At home, you felt almost normal again and checked your notifications; no more follows, no more requests, nothing.

Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday passed in a similar fashion. Each saw your anxieties less than the day before. You even resolved to open Steam and start a new world for yourself. You spent hours mining and almost fell asleep in your chair. When you nearly tipped over, you decided it was time for bed.

You slept better than you had all week and woke up before noon. You wanted to log right back on but you had life to deal with; groceries, cleaning, and of course, making that call to your mother you’d delayed the night before. After all that, you felt accomplished and you decided to treat yourself to take out, a rare divulgence.

You called the local Chinese eatery and waited eagerly for your feast as you turned on a new episode of your current binge. You played on your phone until the battery was low and had enough juice to buzz up the delivery man. You dug for your wallet as you went to the door and unlocked it without looking up.

“How much--” you asked as you opened the door.

Your eyes met a familiar pair, two blue gems behind a pair of narrow glasses. Jensen wore the same cap and held the paper bag of take-out with a smile. You grabbed the door and tried to swing it shut but he was too quick as he slapped a large hand against the peeling paint.

“It’s on me,” he said, “I love spare ribs.”

“What the--” you gasped as you pushed on the door helplessly, “please go away.”

“You’re not answering me,” he said as he stepped closer and forced you back as his body brushed against yours, “you blocked me and I can’t even get a hey, Jensen, how are you?”

“I don’t want you here,” you tried to shove him and he shouldered you away easily, “get out!”

He slammed the door and you flinched. He put the bag down on the corner table and reached back to twist the lock without a look. His eyes roved around your entryway and further into your apartment. He smiled as they stilled and focused on you.

“This place is cute… like you,” he said and you heard a slight hesitation in his voice.

You swallowed and backed away from him. You spun on your heel and ran for your couch. You reached over the back to your phone and unlocked it as the battery icon flashed. You had just enough juice to make the call. You dialed as you turned back to him.

“I’m calling the police so you b-better l-leave,” you warned as your voice and hands shook, “I me--”

He was quick and before you could pull away, he swiped your cell out of your hand. He scoffed and tossed it across the room. It hit the wall and landed screen down on the hardwood. You bit down and pressed yourself to the couch. You stared at him and kicked yourself forward as you tried to slip past him. He caught you and wrestled you back into the front room.

“Why are you doing this?” he asked calmly as you struggled in his grasp, “I’ve been nothing but nice to you.”

“N-no, you’re-- you-- let me go,” you stammered as he angled you around the couch. He pushed you down so you bounced on the cushion. You tried to push yourself up and he pointed his finger in your face and wagged it. 

“No, you stay,” he growled and wiped his other hand on his jeans. He was nervous, even if he was angry.

“Please, why-- what do you want?” you grasped the cushion and hovered at the edge of the couch.

He sighed and sat in the chair. He took his hat off and set it on the table as he ran his fingers through his short hair. 

“Good question,” he said as his jaw squared and his eyes turned to pinpoints, “better one, why did you block me?”

“Are you serious? You-- you--” you struggled to get your words out, your voice even more splintered by your fear, “you doxxed me, you came to-- to my work-- and…”

“I thought we were getting along. I thought you liked me,” he said with a frown, “I really did, you sure acted like it and-- I only wanted to make sure you were safe.”

“But why wouldn’t I be? I--” you shivered and crossed your arms as you withered beneath his gaze, “Jensen, this was only supposed to be online.”

He scoffed and stomped his boot on the floor. He shook his head as he looked to the ceiling and his anger bulged along his temple. He tilted his head and looked at you again.

“You know, for years, I have been a nice guy, I am a nice guy,” he pushed his shoulders to his ears as he threw his hand out, “I’m so patient and caring and you girls, you don’t even give me a second look.”

“Jensen--”

“No, really, I mean look at you, you’re no supermodel and yet it’s the same thing, ‘let’s just be friends’,” he spat, “but I watch guys all the time treat women like shit and they don’t have any trouble at all, they got them hanging off of them and I’m a creep for giving them a compliment or opening the door--”

“I don’t… know you,” you eked out, “you have to understand--”

“I don’t understand,” he stood abruptly, “I’m done trying to understand.”

He pulled his jacket open and slid it down his arms. You watched him sling it over the chair and as he turned back to you, you stood. He caught your shoulders and held you in place. His strength was plain in his grip as he squeezed then slowly moved his hands to cradle your face.

“I just wanna be nice,” he said as he leaned in. You tried to pull away but he moved a hand around the back of your head and forced your lips against his. He poked his tongue inside your mouth roughly as you tried to shove him away. Finally, he parted, his hands still firmly around your head, “wasn’t that nice?”

“Please,” you begged as he ran his thumb over your bottom lip.

His eyes searched your face as you stared back at him in terror. He sighed and dropped his hands back to your shoulders. He pushed you down to the sofa harshly and backed away.

“Fine, I won’t be nice,” he snarled as he took his glasses off and folded them carefully. He put them on the table beside his cap and twined his fingers together, loudly cracking his knuckles.

You blinked at him as your eyes grew glossy. You brought your legs up under you and pressed yourself to the back of the couch. You grasped the upholstery and turned as you launched yourself over to the other side. You stumbled as you landed on your feet and ran for the door.

You were yanked back as he snaked his arms around you and took you off your feet. You kicked out and screamed but it was cut off by his palm as he kept one arm around your middle. You scratched at his hand as he dragged you back to the couch. He pushed you face down onto the cushions and planted his knee in the middle of your back, slipping his hand away as he put enough weight on you to keep your voice suffocated.

“Listen, I know I look like some IT nerd but I’m a lot more than that, now don’t make me hurt you,” he played with your hair as he smiled down at you, “you try that again and I will shut you up and if someone hears you, I can take care of them too.”

You sniffed as tears pricked in your eyes and nodded frantically as it felt as if he would snap your spine. He pushed off of you and you stayed as you were, paralysed with fear. He sat and unlaced his boots one at a time. He looked up as he set them neatly beside the foot of the chair and he bent to catch your eye.

“Well?” he pointed at you and traced the line of your body in the air, “let’s go.”

You stared at him dumbly and he stood to pull his tee over his head. His torso was sculpted perfectly and his chest trimmed with hair that trailed all the way down to his pants. He stepped forward and tugged at the back of your shirt.

“You want me to do it for you, baby?” he purred, “I can help you.”

You swatted him away and sat up. You bent your legs to your chest and hugged them. “Please, I’m scared, just leave me alone--”

His hand rested on his belt and exhaled again. His fingers moved swiftly to unloop the striped belt and unbutton his jeans. He pushed them down, nearly tripping as he stepped out of them. He stood in his boxers, tented with his impatient excitement, and gripped his hips.

“It’s okay, baby, I know you’re shy, I am too,” he neared and you winced as he grabbed your wrist. He tugged on your arm and you resisted until he bent your hand back painfully and you cried out. He tickled your jaw as he looked you in the eye and tutted, “it doesn’t have to be like this, alright?”

You went limp and let him pull your arms apart. Your legs slipped down and your feet dangled above the floor. He got to his knees and pushed between yours. He slowly rolled up the hem of your shirt and bent to kiss your stomach as he bared the flesh. You trembled as he forced your arms up and swooped the fabric over your head. It fluttered through the air and to the floor as he cupped your tits through your bright pink bra.

“Is this so bad?” he asked as he nuzzled your chest and pushed your tits up. 

He glided the straps down your arm and slid your bra lower so that you popped out. He nibbled at your flesh and traced your nipples with his tongue. You sat rigid and let him explore your body, too terrified to move a muscle. He reached around you and struggled with the hooks, frustrated he snapped the clasps and the band came free.

He continued to play with your chest, his fingers crawling up and down your stomach and sides. There was a genuine curiosity to his touch and it sent a chill through you. His fingertips pressed to the top of your pants and he pulled at them as his lips travelled down to your hip.

He tugged on your pants and jerked your entire body. He tore them lower as he pushed you up and you lifted yourself to let him peel away the layer. He added them to the floor and toyed with the elastic of your panties. The little bow in the front drew his attention as he pushed your legs wider and ran his nose along the cotton.

He hummed and rubbed his fingers down your crotch, pushing the fabric to your folds as he teased you through them. You inhaled sharply at the tingle it inspired and he pressed firmer against you, flicking his fingers along your bud as he noticed how it made you squirm.

He gently pulled aside the cotton and you felt his hot breath against you. You pushed on his head before he could delve into you. “Please, don’t--”

“Shhhh,” he threw your hand away from his head and bent over you, “just relax.”

He dragged his tongue along your cunt and lingered around your clit. You clenched as it sent a thrill through you and he moved his lips against you, suckling at you bud as your breaths grew raspy. You pushed yourself against the back of the couch and dug your nails into the cushion.

He slid a finger along your cunt and circled your entrance. He rubbed up and down as he kept his tongue swirling over your clit and you swallowed back as gasp as he poked inside. He felt around and added another finger, stretching you as he carefully pushed them in and out of you in time with his mouth.

He lapped you up and you closed your eyes, desperate to resist the coil winding within you. Your legs tensed against the couch and you tilted your pelvis without thinking. He sped up, the noise of his mouth and your slickness filled the silence. You let out a puff and moaned as you slapped the couch. The waves rolled over your flesh and you came into his mouth with a pathetic mewl.

He stilled his fingers as he lazily teased you with his tongue. He pulled his fingers out and sat back, the heat between your legs cooling in his absence as he licked up your juices. He watched you as he sucked his fingers and stood. Your head lolled and you edged forward on the couch. You tried to stand but he caught you and flung you back.

“We’re not done, baby,” he winked at you as he grasped the top of his boxers, “go on, lay down.”

You murmured your refusal and once more tried to get up. You slipped onto the floor and shakily crawled away as he dropped his boxers to his ankle. He grabbed you before you could get around the side and lifted you easily. He turned you and shoved you down onto your back as he lifted a leg over you.

He straddled you and again his hands roved over your body. You smacked at his fingers weakly but he easily ignored you. He kept one hand moving along your curves as he stroked himself with the other. He groaned and shook as he stroked his dick. Your eyes followed his hand and you gulped, he was thick.

He moved his knees back and pushed them up beneath your thighs as he kept a hand planted on your chest. He ripped your panties down your legs and untangled them from your feet. 

He held you down as he ran his tip along your cunt, wetting himself with your coerced arousal. You groaned and grabbed the arm of the couch above you. You tried to pull away from him.

He pushed against your entrance and you looked at him in shock. You couldn’t stop him. His eyes were set between your legs as he inhaled and slowly eased into you. He gasped as he got his tip inside you and his muscles tensed. He bit his lip as he dove further in and you gasped as he filled you inch by inch.

“Shitttt,” he moaned as he reached his limit and you whined at how full you were, “oh, baby.”

His hand slid from your chest and he gripped your hips as he pulled back and thrust. You exclaimed and he did it again, slowly as he watched himself impale you over and over. You curled your fingers against the couch arm and your feet arch as you pressed your thighs around him. He lifted your pelvis high as he angled his dick even deeper.

“You feel so good,” he rasped, “oh, baby, you’re so good. Ahh-hh-hh,” his voice fizzled as your walls clenched him and you closed your eyes as you felt the heat building. 

He moved his hand along your thigh and stretched it over your pelvis, pushing his thumb to your clit as he kept his pace. He purred as you writhed helplessly against him and you panted through the rising ecstasy.

“Please, please, please…” you chanted, unsure if you were begging him to stop or for more.

He moaned as he sped up and you sucked your lip under your teeth as you neared your peak. You quivered as your orgasm crashed into you and you let out a strangled cry. He snarled and planted his hands beside your head as he leaned over you, his hot breath tickled your face as he pounded into you.

Your legs bent around him as his pelvis rubbed against you and the friction drove you to another climax. You held onto the arm of the couch as he fucked your harder and harder. He kissed you and nibbled at your lip as he groaned and hooked an arm under to hold you close.

“You’re gonna make me cum, baby,” he said against your cheek and you turned your head away from, “ah, here I--”

He spasmed and slammed into you. He took several long thrusts and stilled. He grunted and drew heavy breaths as he rested his weight over you. He grabbed your head and turned your head up as he pressed his forehead to yours. You kept your eyes closed as the flames slowly dwindled.

“Was that so bad?” he stroked your cheek and trailed his finger down to poke between your lips, “No, it’s what you wanted, isn’t it, baby?” he wiggled his hips and you hissed, “yeah, you want me.”

[conjurethecosmos]

Honey we need to talk - Steve Rodgers x little!reader

AN:///Hey this is my first fan fiction so please don’t be that hard on me lmao. also i just wanted to say that this isn’t a kink and I don’t write any kink related stuff. PSA age regression is a coping mechanism. If you like my work please like <3 also my asks are open so feel free to ask or suggest stories if you like :)

Word Count: 2k

(Y/N) POV

The surviving Avengers were finally coming back to the tower. Life had already changed just within the hours of the blip, but (Y/N) was alone and did not know about the blip. (Y/N) had been home at the tower safe, protected, from the terror that the avengers were fighting. She knew about Thanos and how he was trying to get all the stones, but the Avengers are the most powerful superheroes ever, they have to win, right? F.R.I.D.A.Y had been keeping watch of the currently sleeping (Y/N) making sure she was okay. The Avenger’s tower was known to be soundproof to keep the bustling sound of the city outside, which is why (Y/N) hadn’t been disturbed. The screams, screeches of cars, and general commotion of the people were not heard by the sleeping girl. F.R.I.D.A.Y did know what had happened when she lost contact with most of the avengers. She did not want to alarm (Y/N) since she had been extremely stressed out and with stress came her age regression. F.R.I.D.A.Y just did not want her to panic without anyone to physically console her since almost everyone she loved was gone. She would just wait till the remaining avengers arrived back to tell her what happened and so she could inevitably regress in the comfort of someone’s arms.

(Y/N) woke up with a yawn surrounded by scattered stuffed animals and ruffled bedsheets. The first thing that she wanted to do was to check her phone to see if Bucky, Steve, or Peter texted her to check up or send a picture of them together happy and coming home. Peter was a regressor like (Y/N) and they would always play together in the toy room conveniently located next to (Y/N)’s room. But, when she tapped on their phone it would not turn on. Even the dead battery screen that would pop up if she did forget to charge her phone the night before didn’t even pop up. So, she decided to ask F.R.I.D.A.Y what was wrong with the phone. “I am sorry (Y/N) I can not seem to turn on your phone, there doesn’t seem to be any issue with it” F.R.I.D.A.Y states. “What do you mean nothing wrong? It won’t even turn on. Ugh I guess I will have to go and get a new phone then.” (Y/N) says. That is when F.R.I.D.A.Y quickly responds “I am sorry to tell you this, but I have been advised to keep you inside for your safety.” She let out a huff and decide that she might as well get dressed. She doesn’t even know when everyone will be back, but the night before Steve called and said that they would all probably be back the following day. All she wanted to do is color and play with stuffies with Peter while Steve sat in the chair in the corner of the shared playroom reading a book.

Steve’s POV

Bucky disintegrated right before his eyes. His best friend, gone, all from a snap. Thanos had disappeared and left Steve, Natasha, Wanda, and Bruce enraged, however, what could they do. The flight back was solemn and quiet. No one dared to cry in front of each other despite the trauma accumulated today, save for Nat who sat quietly crying. Steve only looked forward to seeing his favorite person, (Y/N), which he cared for most of the time due to her tendency to regress when he is with her. He did not mind at all, in fact his caring personality just made him gravitate more towards being (Y/N)’s caregiver. His brain was going a mile a minute just thinking of how to tell (Y/N) that half the population was gone, including some people she loved so much. The avengers were informed by F.R.I.D.A.Y which avenger had sadly been blipped. That only caused the already somber mood to become worse. Steve just sat there staring at the many buttons on planes’ cockpit thinking about how (Y/N) would react to the news of Peter being gone. He was her only little friend, he was always there for her when she was having a hard day and needed to regress. They were best friends, just like Bucky and I. ‘I think I will just tell her as an adult and then take care of her if she needs to regress’ Steve thought. They then eventually started descending onto the landing pad on top of the tower.

(Y/N)’s POV

It was now about 8 pm. You kept youself occupied by cleaning since oddly enough the usual cleaner never showed up.You thought that it was weird, but assumed that the cleaner may have had the day off or something. The T.V. was also broken, like your phone it wouldn’t turn on. You could not watch the news or a movie, so you were pretty bored the whole day.  You were pulled out of your boring thoughts when you heard keys enter the lock on the front door. Steve entered first looking panicked as he looked around to see if you were there, alive. You smiled at him and gave him a big hug, which caused him to hug you tighter almost as if you would disappear right before him. Immediately, you knew it was a hard mission. I mean they were gone for weeks so it had to be hard. However, He had a look on his face that you had never seen before. “Honey we need to talk” Steve sighed. They both walked into your bedroom to talk in private. You sat down on your bed hugging your stuffed purple fluffy bunny that was won by Bucky at a fair one year. Steve got the chair by your desk and moved it to be in front of you and then sat. “So, I am sure you are wondering what happened today?” Steve asked. “Yeah kinda. I haven’t heard anything since my phone is broken and the T.V. was off” you huffed. “Sweetie there really isn’t a good way of putting this...” he hesitated for a second but then started talking again looking at you straight in the eyes, “So Thanos got all the stones and snapped his finger which caused half the population to disappear.” You then started hugging your bunny as he continued to explain which avengers were gone. Tears were already starting to spill as you shut your eyes tightly. When he mentioned that peter was gone that is when you let out a loud pained cry. Steve had to hug you, to comfort his princess. He was not sure if he should have told you that a ton of people were gone, but you needed to know. If he didn’t and you would have asked about Peter, it would probably cause him to burst into tears. You started to regress, he could tell because you started sobbing and rocking. He knew that he needed to comfort you better than just hugging you so he decided that distracting you might be better. “Princess, I know you are sad about what I told you, but I just want you to know I am here for you.” Steve calmly says. “Bu-But I wan Pete n buck” (Y/N) blubbered. “I know baby, you can cry as much as you want,” He says while placing your head on his chest. Tears stain his shirt. He was tempted to cry with you, but he knew he needed to save his tears for when he was alone. Now was the time for his princess to grieve. After you crying for about twenty-five minutes Steve grabbed your paci so you could sleep. He could tell you had regressed. He placed you on your bed to lay down with your favorite bunny stuffie in your arms. Steve decided to sleep in the chair for the night just to watch over you in case you woke in the middle of the night in need of some comfort. He sat there staring at your sleeping form silently sobbing just because of all the stress of the day. It just hit him like a wave, but he eventually fell asleep. You woke up at 2 am to use the bathroom. You looked around the nightlight lit room to find Steve passed out in a chair located in the corner of the room. You slowly walked over, stuffie in hand, to wake the superhero up. You could not go to the bathroom by yourself since she was scared Thanos would be outside her door. Not even the bravest stuffie you owned could calm your fears. You poked Steve’s thigh to wake him up. Steve looked around in a panic only to see your puffy face. “Hey doll, what does my little princess need?” he asks. “I need to go potty, but I scared to go alone...” You shyly stated. “That’s okay, come on baby.” He escorts you to the bathroom and back. “Um Stevie, could you pwease cuddle me to sleep. I scared to sleep myself?” You sheepishly ask. ”Of course my baby.”

The next morning

You had woken up small. You could only speak like a three-year-old. That was okay with Steve though because he loved caring for you. He carried you into the living room and went into the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee and you a sippy cup with strawberry milk with a plate of mini pancakes. He turned on your favorite Disney movie while he cooked for you. Caring for you was a needed distraction. He needed to feel like he was making a difference and obviously, the events of the previous day made him feel like all his efforts of protecting America or the Earth were all for nothing. But, taking care of you was rewarding and therapeutic. “Stevie, thanks for the pancakes, dis milk is so good too!” (Y/N) exclaimed with a cute little smile. “Aw, you’re so welcome, sweetie.”

5 years later

Time had passed, (Y/N) regressed more often than ever. She was rarely ever her adult self. Thankfully Steve had set up a group talk therapy session with some survivors which (Y/N) joined every time they had a meeting. She would only talk about missing Peter while hugging a stuffie she would bring. The group members never judged her though since they all had their own coping mechanisms if they had any. She was usually really shy in front of the group since mentally she was three and really did not have that much to say in front of the strangers.

Eventually, Bruce hatched an idea to bring everyone back, which caused you to be alone again. You just stayed in the playroom alone playing with barbies or watching a movie. Steve would call you from time to time to check up on you, luckily F.R.I.D.A.Y was a great caretaker and gave you your basic needs. The Avengers were now successful in bringing everyone back. Sadly, Tony had passed away though. You attended his funeral with Steve at your side. You still hadn’t seen Peter yet but did not want to interrupt his grieving since Tony was his main caregiver and mentor. Tony was the only father figure he had and he was just gone. Steve decided it would be best to have you pick a stuffed animal at the store for Peter to keep during this hard time. You decided on a red bear with a gold ribbon on his neck. Steve had the red bear in his hands ready to gift to Peter, while you had a new Pink bear with a white bow around its neck that you named Poppy. Once the funeral was done Steve held your hand to walk up to Peter. He looked so small and in need of someone to care for him. Steve then spoke, “Peter, I am deeply sorry for your loss. I know how you feel and if you need (Y/N) or me, don’t hesitate. (Y/N) thought that she should get you this special bear for you to give you comfort.” He handed Peter the red bear and Peter just hugged it close. Steve knew that he was going to have to take care of Peter and (Y/N) from now on, but he was ready for it. He loved you both dearly. “I hope you like the bear Peter, I thought you would like him since he’s your favorite color. See I have a pink one like yours, we’re twins!” You said trying to distract Peter. Peter rarely ever spoke when he was little, and this wasn’t any different. He eventually accepted your gift with a tight hug as his tears fell on your shoulder. 

Time skip: a couple of months

Peter eventually moved into the tower and got a room next to yours. Steve now had two regressors to take care of now, but at least he had the aid of Bucky who would just baby sit. You were currently in your room putting on one of Steves old shirts with black leggings. His shirts made you feel even smaller since it was so baggy. Steve then quietly knocked on your door for permission to come in. “Yes?” you asked. Steve then opened the door and stepped in with his hand in Peters. Peter had a smile on his face for probably the first time in months. You smiled back and then turned to face Steve who obviously wanted to ask you something. “Are you little right now (Y/N) or are you big because Pete wants to play blocks with you?” Steve asks. You beam and excitedly say, “I wan play blocks! Pete can we make a town wif da blocks and cars and my dollys?” This just caused Peter to run and hug you. You two ran to the next room to play together. Storage containers were quickly opened and blocks were scattered to begin construction on the town. Steve watched you two play from the door with a smile on his face. 

I am sorry this story was everywhere 

[loserholland]

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐟? | 𝐁.𝐁

Pairing ➺ TFATWS!Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Warning ➺ Nothing but fluff

Word Count ➺ 4.7k

Summary ➺ You have your doubts about going on a blind date, the past few dates you had been stood up. You just hope this guy doesn’t stand you up like the rest, but it turns out Bucky has doubts too.

A/N ➺ Kinda based off of “When he see’s me” I got the idea from when I was listening to the song, some parts of the song will be featured. This is set during tfatws timeline, but slight episode 1 spoiler! Please feel free to comment, reblog, send feedback <3 always appreciated! Maybe a part two? idk yet lol

✿ 𝓟𝓮𝓻𝓶𝓪𝓷𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓣𝓪𝓰𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽 ✿ - @loveyathreethousand @killerqueen-gunpowdergelatine @spideyyypeter @lou-la-lou@babebenhardy @rivervixenbaby @acklesholland @zabdisamor @keepingupwiththehollands @sweet666pea @sspider-parker @jackiehollanderr @caro0512 @thewinchesterchronicles @cporter003 @kisses-holland @spideysnugget @cryszus @sunflowerharrystyles @peterunderoos @ohbabycal @laucontrerasv @spider-mendes @jessybellsworld @quaksonhehe​ @dummiesshort​

☞  Masterlist  ☜

𝘐 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘜𝘴𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯'𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘐 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘮𝘪𝘻𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘨𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘎𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵? (𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵?)

“No! We’re not doing this again!” 

Nyiah groaned loudly following her friend out the door, the moment she said “A friend of mine wants me to set you up with his friend.” (Y/N) had ran out the door not wanting to hear the rest of what she had to say, only because Nyiah didn’t have such a great streak when it came to setting her up on blind dates.   

A few heads had turned in the cubicles but quickly shrugged it off turning their attention back to their computer screens. She hastily walked to the restroom wanting to lock herself in a stall an away from her friend, well only friend in the office. (Y/N) had moved to New York before the blip happened, and well it when it did happen she was sitting in on a meeting when she noticed everyone slowly began to disintegrate. She remembers attempting to call her parents before everything just went dark, then five years later she’s back where she was everyone running frantically around her.

Pushing the door open she quickly rushed into a stall sliding the lock across before slumping her body against the door letting out a sigh of relief an also trying to catch her breath. She honestly doesn’t remember why she agreed to going on these dates, she simply could say no. But, I guess being twenty-six and constantly questioned by her family about having someone in her life pushed her to go on these dates. She has been in New York for nearly six years now, and never really had a serious relationship since she’s been in the city. Before leaving California, she had broken up with her boyfriend of two years not wanting to do the whole long distance thing. 

𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘨𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘖𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘉𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴

That’s when Nyiah began to set her up on these blind dates saying “It’s time to get out there again! Everyone’s back you have an entire sea of men!”. The only thing she hated about blind dates, not knowing who the person is. Sure that’s the whole point of the date but, she likes knowing what she’s getting into. Searching them up on social media, getting as much information as them as possible to see what type of person she’s going to be sitting with for an hour or two.

“(Y/N)!”

Nyiah peeked her head over the stall peering down at (Y/N), the sudden noise caused her to flinch, she didn’t even hear her come in?! She looked down to see she had taken her heels off and was pretty sure she was standing on the toilet seat. 

“That is very unsanitary.” 

Nyiah looked down at her feet then back over the stall, “I’m standing on two toilet seat covers I should be fine.” (Y/N) scoffed lightly  unlocking the the door watching as Nyiah stepped down from the toilet rushing out to corner (Y/N) before she left. 

She pressed her lips into a thin line glaring at her friend, the last few two never even made their way through the door. Most of the waitresses took pity on you before you left they had offered free dessert for you to take home saying it was on the house, and how no one deserves to be stood up.

“Please- remember my friend Sam? He said he wants to set his friend up with you! This isn’t my idea, he asked me to ask you!”

Sam? She briefly remembers meeting him, he seemed like a nice guy- from what she had collected the few times they met. And well he is an avengers and a literal hero to New York City and well the entire world.

𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘮 𝘐 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘐𝘧 𝘐'𝘮 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘧𝘢𝘵𝘦? 𝘓𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯 𝘶𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦?

“Nyiah-” she paused rubbing her temples with her middle and thumb finger, “The last two dates my date didn’t even show up! How do I know that Sam’s friend won’t do the same?” it always felt so humiliating, sitting there in the middle of the dining room waiting for the person to show up only and not even answering any messages you sent.

Nyiah sighed, “I’ve met him once or twice he’s nice.”

𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘧𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘖𝘳 𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘉𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘏𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧

(Y/N) sighed, “Nice doesn’t cut it Nyiah, how do I know he won’t be like the first two? The first one felt like I was doing some kind of interview- all he talked about was himself.” She had gone out with one of Nyiah’s close friends Brandon, he seemed like a sweet guy till he made it their date all about him leaving no room for her to talk.

𝘏𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘴𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦

“The second one was getting too close- he didn’t even know what personal space was! I went to the restroom for five minutes just to be in my own space!” Nyiah frowned slightly remembering how (Y/N) called saying she was about to just pay for the check and leave because Joshua didn’t know how to just give anyone space.

𝘖𝘳 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘺 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘖𝘳 𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘖𝘳𝘦𝘰𝘴 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵

"I just-” she paused for a second swiping her tongue against her bottom lip. Doubt, was eating up at her. Doubt in herself and Nyiah. Mostly herself, she wanted to find the confidence to go on this date.

𝘐𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘦, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵? 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘪𝘵? (𝘈𝘩) 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯? (𝘈𝘩)

“I just don’t want to disappoint myself again, if not myself then my date too- what if the reason why they don’t even make it through the door is because they see me and I don’t know they don’t like how I look?” 

The last date she had last week, she had gotten his number through Nyiah. She had arrived about thirty minutes early and when she had texted him if he was on the way, he never texted back. That takes a toll on your heart and mind, constantly questioning if you’re good enough.

𝘐𝘧 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘮𝘦, 𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥? 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘐 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺, 𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬? (𝘈𝘩) 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 (𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵?)

“I’m afraid.”

(Y/N) had every right to feel that way, every right to question whether or not she should say yes to her friend. She had every right to feel afraid after the last few dates not showing up, she had every right to also say no.

"(Y/N/N), this guy won’t do what the others did to you. Plus I shouldn’t call him a guy he’s moreover a man, like I said I don’t want to giveaway who he is but he’s a gentlemen, quiet at first but once you start talking to him- he’ll open up.” 

𝘚𝘰, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦, 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭-𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘐 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸 𝘚𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘦, 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘵𝘰𝘰

She sighed, closing her eyes for a moment rethinking what Nyiah had just said. She didn’t want to make the decision just yet, she needed the night to think about it. The last four dates she jumped right into it, and well missed a few steps when the date arrived. This time she wanted to be careful, she didn’t want to disappoint herself again.

“I need time to think about it.” 

The brunette nodded, “Take all the time you need. Sam still needs to ask his friend anyway.” 

Later that night she had called her sister in hopes she had some advice for her, yet it turned out to be the opposite. Pacing around her living room she held her phone to her ear, “You should go- don’t let the past four dates define how this one will turn out.” (Y/N) huffed lightly moving to seat on her couch, “Yeah but, have you been stood up before?” 

Her sister moved around the kitchen waving her hands at her kids to settle down at the dining room table, “You’re using your aggressive tone on me- you called me remember?” (Y/N) pulled the phone away from her ear lifting her free hand and flipping off her phone. 

“And now you’re flipping me off, you’re getting defensive cause you know I’m right.” 

She pulled the phone back to her ear, “I’m not defensive! I’m simply being cautious.. plus I don’t know don’t you think it’s a sign? What if he’s all the like rest.” 

“(Y/N), you and your what if’s, just- take the night to sleep on it. I’m sure if Nyiah has met him and her friend thought of setting you two up, he won’t be like the rest.” 

What she didn’t know was that certain someone she may be going on a date with was having the same exact conversation as her, unsure if he should go out on a date. 

“A what?” 

Sam pressed his lips into a thin line staring at Bucky with a “you heard what I said so stop pretending you didn’t hear me.” look. He had presented the idea of setting Bucky up on a blind date. 

The last date he went on was with Leah, a girl at the restaurant he and Yori had gone to eat lunch at. Yori had set the date up, that was his first date in eighty years and since that date he hasn’t gone on another.

Bucky had tried online dating, he had downloaded tinder matched with a couple of people till they started texting “DTF” and of course being a 106 years old he didn’t know what that meant. Sam had spent five minutes laughing in his face before telling him what it meant, which lead him to delete the app. When he had told Sam he deleted the app, that’s when he contacted Nyiah asking if (Y/N) was still single and if she was willing to go on a date with Bucky. 

"Who is this girl anyway?”

“Woman.”

“What?” 

“Woman.” 

“Why do you keep saying Woman? Answer my question!”

Sam mentally face palmed himself, sometimes Bucky’s true age shows from time to time- damn fossil. He also needed to teach him a thing or two about modern day flirting.

“Girl makes it seem as if you’re going on a date with a teenager. So woman sounds a lot better, and to answer your question I can’t tell you her name that’s the whole point of a blind date. But, I’ve met her once or twice, She’s beautiful and nice.” 

“So I’m suppose to be okay with this because you’ve met her once or twice and because she’s ‘beautiful’ and ‘nice’.” 

Sam sighed lightly, “Look Buck, you need to get out there instead of being cooped up in your apartment. She’s a good friend of a friend of mine, remember Nyiah?”

Nyiah- oh yes she was the loud woman. Bucky noticed how flustered Sam got whenever Nyiah was around- he could tease him about that later. 

“I went on one date like a month ago and tried tinder out- you know how that went.”

He couldn’t help but feel worried, not because it’s been so long but he was worried that they’ll find out about his past. About how he has a vibranium arm or that apart of his past that he tried so hard to forget about, he was worried they would know he use to be an ex-assassin. He didn’t want them to run away once he opened up about his past- if he would ever open up about his past.

Sam could sense that he was worried he placed a hand on his shoulder, “She’s not one to judge Buck, I told you she’s really nice. I’m sure she won’t run at the sight of you, unless you continue to stare her down-

Bucky glared slightly causing a chuckle to pass Sam’s lips, “This is only a blind date, you determine whether or not you want to have a second or a third, or a forth. Right now it’s just one- and I’m sure you won’t regret it.”

The sound of her phone ringing woke her up from her deep slumber, she lifted her arm reaching forward towards the night stand in search for her phone tugging the charger off and swiped to accept the call before she missed it. 

“Hello?” 

“Nyiah! So I spent some time thinking-”

Nyiah pulled the phone away from her ear squinting to look at the time, 2:47 AM. Placing the phone back to her ear she sighed, “I’ll go on the date.” this caused Nyiah to sit up surely waking her up, “Are you serious?” asking in disbelief she pulled the phone away from her ear again checking that she was talking to (Y/N).

“Are you serious or am I dreaming?”

“I’m serious- I talked to Gen and she said that I shouldn’t let the past four dates define this one so- I’m willing to go on this date.” 

Nyiah squealed loudly surely waking up the person who was sleeping next to her, “What is it the voice?” the voice mumbled causing (Y/N) to raise her brow in confusion, “So- who are you with right now?” Nyiah’s eyes widen slightly looking down at the half- asleep figure in her bed.

“No one! Well, I’ll tell Sam in the morning, is it okay if the date is at 6 today?”

“Yeah that’s fine- now answer my-”

“Great I’ll come by later to help you out with outfits! Good night!”

She placed her phone back on the charger before turning her attention back to the sleeping person next to her, “Sam! Sam!” she shook her quickly, “(Y/N) said yes! So tell James first thing in the morning!” 

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘦 𝘐 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘪𝘵?

(Y/N) felt her stomach turn, she felt so nervous. Nervous that she was going to have to deal with the embarrassment of being stood up yet again, Nyiah had raided her closet in search for the perfect dress before pulling out a beautiful baby blue midi dress. The last time she wore that dress was to her sister’s wedding.

She didn’t feel this nervous for the past four dates, why does this one feel different? Maybe because Nyiah gave more of a description of what this guy looked like, maybe it was because after talking to her sister, drinking half a bottle of red wine, and weighing out the pros and cons at one in the morning fueled her to want to go on this date and make an effort. 

“What if-”

Nyiah made a weird “Ngh” noise to stop her from finishing her sentence, “No more what if’s, I told you. This one is going to be different, trust me.” (Y/N) snorted loudly, “I hope you’re right- and maybe now you can tell me who you were sharing a bed with.” 

A pink tint painted the brunette’s cheeks, “It was Sam.” she mumbled causing (Y/N) to gasp loudly, “Sam? No way! Wow- took you two long enough.” she had remembered all the times Nyiah would call her drunk talking about how much she wanted to jump Sam’s bones or go flying around with him. 

She sighed lightly, fixing up her hair one last time, applying a little bit on mascara and lipgloss keeping it as natural as possible. Nyiah grinned widely, she knew that this date was going to be the best she knew that (Y/N) was going to for sure go on a second date. 

“Wanna know one more thing about him?” 

(Y/N) hummed in response raiding her closet for her white vans, “The color of your dress- is the color of his eyes.” That sly minx was at it again, slipping her shoes on slinging her purse around her, she took one last look the mirror. Before she parted ways with Nyiah she had said “You’re for sure going on a second date.” A part of her hoped she was right, the other part of her worried Nyiah would be wrong.

Bucky stood in front of the flower vendor looking between the different varieties, he stared at the peach roses. He glanced down at his watch, he wanted to be there at least a five minutes early, Sam had made the reservation under his name at this sushi restaurant that was in walkable distance of his apartment and his dates apartment. 

He grabbed the bouquet of peach roses handing a twenty dollar bill to the vendor mumbling keep the change before heading towards the direction of the restaurant. Gripping the bouquet in his hands, he tried to be as careful as possible not wanting to crush the stems.

From all the big steps he was taking he made it to the building in no time, stepping in to the slightly crowded restaurant due to it being nearly dinner time. Walking up the counter he looked around before speaking, “Reservation under Sam Wilson?” he watched as the host looked through the book.

“You’re the first to arrive, follow me to the booth.” he watched as the host grabbed two menus directing for Bucky to follow him. The room was filled with chatter, he felt his hand growing clammy not from the heat from the glove but from the nervousness he felt. 

“Anything I can start you off with?” 

Bucky set the flowers next to him in the booth, “Water is fine. Thank you.”

(Y/N) wiped her palms against her dress once more standing in front of the door of the restaurant, “Here goes nothing.” she whispered to herself tugging the door opened she stepped in. The room was dimly lit and full of chatter, she felt her heart beat race it felt as though it was trying to escape from her chest. 

Walking up to the host she swiped her hands down her dress once more, “Hi, reservation under Sam Wilson?” she watched as the host crossed the name off the list, “Follow me, he just got here a few minutes before you.” she could feel her heart beat in her ears, oh my god was she about to go into cardiac arrest? What the hell is happening? 

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘴 𝘶𝘱 𝘢 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘵? (𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘢 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥?)

Nearing the table, all she could make out what his short brunette hair finally the host stopped in front of the table motioning for you to seat, “Your server will be with you in a few moments. Please take your time to decide.” Bucky stood from his seat gripping the bouquet of flowers in his left hand, “Hi I’m James.” oh Nyiah you were right, he had beautiful cerulean eyes they resembled the ocean. She had seen these eyes before, yet she couldn’t put her finger on it.

You stuck your right hand out enclasping it with his, “Nice to meet you, I’m (Y/N).” she let go right after hoping he didn’t notice how she wiped her hand down her dress once more. Bucky felt his cheeks turn a slight pink, he looked down slightly “These are for you.” you gladly accepted the beautiful peach roses bringing it to your nose to inhale the scent.

“Thank you, they are lovely.”

Bucky motioned once more to allow her to sit in the booth first before he slipped into his seat, she stared at him her brain was eating up at her unsure of how she had seen him before.

“So, how are you?” Bucky broke the silence, lifting the menu slightly enough for him to still see her face. Sam was correct, she was beautiful. “I’m good, a little nervous. How are you?” he chuckled lightly causing (Y/N) to smile lightly “I’m actually nervous too, it’s been a while since I’ve um-” 

“Gone out on a date?” 

He nodded in agreement still scanning the menu before finally settling on what he wanted to order. “You’re friends with Sam right? How do you two know each other?” (Y/N) questioned looking up for a second before brining her attention back to the menu. A slight glint caught her eye, it was silver and around his neck. 

“We’re uh-” he cleared his throat slightly unsure of how to answer the question, “we work together.” That’s when it clicked, she remembered where she had seen those beautiful ocean eyes. She had gone to the smithsonian museum almost every weekend, visiting the same exhibit. 

“Oh my god- you’re James Buchanan Barnes!” 

Bucky was unsure if she said it out of excitement or fear.

“I read about you in the smithsonian exhibit- wow okay I sound like such a nerd. But you were so brave, wait I shouldn’t use were, because it’s not like you aren’t brave anymore, you are so brave. I need to stop talking I’m sorry.” (Y/N) rambled reaching for the cup of water to shut herself up. 

Bucky couldn’t help but chuckle nervously, “I’m sure you’ve read other things.” she was currently sitting with an ex-assassin, why wasn’t she running for the hills right now?

“Well- that the thing” she leaned forward slightly, “I’ve read what was released and well- what they did to you.. no one deserves that. I remember reading them and I remember reading the information they had at the exhibit. Those were two different people-” 

“Hi, I’m Alex I’ll be your waiter for tonight. What can I get for you two?”

The two ordered their meals, thanking the waiter as he took their menus away. Bucky stared back at (Y/N), she felt unsure if she should continue talking. “You were saying?” she looked up from her lap her mouth was slightly agape, what if I angered him in some way?

“The person I’m speaking to right now, is James Buchanan Barnes, he is from Brooklyn and served as a sergeant in the 107th division during World War II. The person who no longer exist is the winter solider, someone HYDRA controlled and wiped constantly to do their dirty deeds. You are James Buchanan Barnes, a sweet guy who bought me flowers and said yes to coming on a date with a complete nerd.” 

Bucky smiled, this was the first time no one judged him for his past, nor tried to run for the damn hills once they found out who he use to be. He noticed how she kept her head down low unsure if she had angered him or not, “Enough about me- what about you? With that accent of yours I’m guessing you’re from the west coast?”

(Y/N) lifted her head meeting the same ocean blue eyes, “California, moved here in 2017. I work at an office, that’s how I know Nyiah. Got a degree in marketing, and I have an older sister, two younger brothers.” Bucky listened to her ramble on about her life smiling ever so often whenever she would derive to a different topic.

“I was actually close to not coming on this date..”

Bucky finished chewing the sushi roll that he ordered, reaching for his glass of water to wash down the rice. “Why?” he questioned continuing to pick off the sushi that was on his plate, he watched as she refocused her attention back on her lap. 

“Well- the first two dates Nyiah had set me up on were complete disasters, the first guy talked too much, the second didn’t know what personal space was. The previous two stood me up, so- thank you for not being like any of those men.” 

“Boys.”

“Hm?”

“They weren’t men, they were boys. Especially the last two who stood you up, you’re way too beautiful to be stood up. But- I should be thanking you for not running away or judging my past.”

(Y/N) smiled, she was definitely going to ask him out on a second date.

It felt as though they have known each other forever, they had spent hours talking without realizing it was nearly closing time. Bucky had beat her to pay the bill, standing from his seat as (Y/N) did the same, “Let me walk you home.” she nodded holding the flowers close to her body.

 As they were walking home, Bucky would point out here and there about how that building use to be this or he’d point out that’s where he saved Steve from being bullied yet again. The cool breeze kissed her skin causing her to shiver lightly, Bucky shrugged off his leather jacket placing it on her shoulders. She mumbled thank you, turning her head slightly to hide the arising blush on her cheeks. 

They walked in comfortable silence she would look up every so often admiring the way the moon kissed his skin, he looked like literal art, especially with those beautiful cerulean eyes. (Y/N) stopped in her tracks looking up at her apartment building, “Well- this is me.” Bucky looked across the street and up at the building they were currently standing in front of, “Wanna know something funny?” she rose her brow slightly ushering him silently to tell her. 

“I live in that building.” 

It was ironic honestly, and somewhat like fate, “Let me walk you up.” who knew that the guy she was going to be going on a date with lived across her street the entire time, she also wondered if Nyiah knew that he lived across the street from her. Once they stood in front of her door she fished for her keys, Bucky offered to hold the flowers for her to make it easier for her to find. 

Once she unlocked the door she opened it slightly turning to look up at Bucky he handed her the bouquet back, “Thank-” they both said simultaneously (Y/N) couldn’t help but smile, “You go first-” they said again causing Bucky to chuckle. 

“Please ladies first.” 

(Y/N) smiled she really didn’t want the night to end, “Thank you for an amazing night and for the beautiful flowers. I was wondering if you were free tomorrow for breakfast preferably, I know this 40′s theme cafe if you’d like to go?”

“I was actually-”

“It’s no problem if you can’t go!” 

“No! Not no as in I can’t go- I can go it was just, I was actually planning on asking you out too but you seemed to beat me to it.” 

(Y/N) mentally face palmed herself, her damn pessimistic mind getting the best of her yet again. She could feel herself growing hot, god dammit she needs to work on being more optimistic. 

“Oh sorry- I’m just thank you again for tonight really. It turned out better than I could ever imagine.” without thinking she leaned up pressing a kiss to his cheek. Bucky stood there with wide eyes, (Y/N) wore the same expression “Uh- I’m sorry-” Bucky leaned down pressing a kiss to her cheeks as well. God they looked she was sure they were acting like two middler schoolers who got into their first relationship. 

“I’ll come by around 8?” 

She nodded, she was sure she looked like a tomato by now. 

Bucky turned on his heels making his way towards the elevator she noticed he had forgotten his jacket, “Oh James! Your jacket!” he turned around smiling, “It’s okay! You can return it tomorrow, or keep it actually looks better on you than me.” the sound of the elevator door opening filled the hallway, she watched as Bucky walked in bidding her a small wave before the metal doors closed. 

Entering her apartment, she locked the door behind her smiling from ear to ear. Bucky leaned his head agains the walls of the metal box, a huge grin painted his lips. Their friends were right, they would most definitely be going on a second date together.

She had finally met someone, who when he see’s her wants to see her again.

And he had finally met someone, who doesn’t run for the hills once they learn about his past.

[hermionegranger]

. Loki Theory: Sylvie was created by a Loki [variant], like Enchantress, and is not actually a Loki variant The general reasons Sylive isn't a Loki variant:

- First off let's talk visuals, when we meet Sylvie, she already has one Loki horn broken. Later in episode three, she takes the horns off and thrones them as she's fighting, and lastly she gets her cape ripped off her, slowly shedding the "Lady Loki" image we had of her when we first met her.

- Second of all, "enchanting" - obviously the word was on purpose and they have said they mixed Enchantress and Lady Loki into one character.

- Third of all, her (very briefly mentioned) past. She never says Frigga, or Thor, or any other specific name aside from Asgard. When her and Loki talk about their past they only say "she" and "they" - and that's for a reason.

- SHE NEVER MENTIONS THOR. Every other variant we meet mentions Thor.

Every time the show reminded us Sylvie isn't Loki and hinted she is not actually a Loki variant:

Episode 2:

- When Loki first meets Sylvie: "Could that be you?" "I mean i probably would have worn a suit, but yes, maybe."

- Loki: "What say you, Loki?" Sylvie: "ugh, don't call me that."

- During their fight Loki says "I would never treat myself like this"

- When we first see Sylvie's true form (with her already damaged Loki horns) Loki asks, "what is this about?" and she says, "this isn't about you." winkwink they are talking about the show!

Episode 3:

- Episode 3 starts off with Loki asking, "are you sure you're a Loki?"

- Loki: "You're not the only tech savvy Loki" Sylvie: "Don't ever call me that" Loki: "what, tech savvy?" Sylvie: "No. A Loki."

- This whole conversation: Loki:"Slow down, variant." Sylvie: "[...] dont' call me variant." "Loki: "I'm sorry but i'm not calling some faded photocopy of me Loki." Sylvie: "Good, cus that's not who I am anymore. You can call me Sylvie."

- Loki:"I would never have done that." Sylive: "Yeah? Well I'm not you."

- Loki: "You knew you were adopted, they told you?" Sylvie: "Yeah, they did" - who is they?

- Loki: "Tell me about your mother." Sylvie: "I barely remember her, just blips of a dream at this point." She never says Frigga.

- Loki: "A pity the old woman chose to die don't you think?" "Sylvie: She was in love." Loki: "She hated him" - are they talking about the same "she?" They never say Frigga.

Episode 4:

Sylvie's flashback of Asgard, but we see no one other than her and the TVA agents.

Episode 5:

- Kid Loki: "You're different. Why" Loki: "No, I'm not you see? I'm the same really, same as all of you. Have any of you met a women variant of us?" ..... "She's different."

Sadly I think they added Loki being genderfluid in a promo as a red herring to make us believe Sylvie is Lady Loki. In hindsight, considering Loki is genderfluid, this dialogue is odd. It shouldn't be a weird thing for a Lady Loki to exist, but it is. However, by adding that he's genderfluid in the promo, Marvel can explain away a Lady Loki existing without eagle eyed viewers questioning it straight away.

- "Tell you want you can conjure me a new outfit, you have no idea how uncomfortable something like this is." And it's her Loki outfit, I feel like the purpose of this line is to hint she's literally uncomfortable in the Loki persona - cus that's not her.

- "I didn't have friends, I didn't have anyone" Thor ?????? Every other Loki variant mentioned Thor!!

Episode 6:

"Why aren't we seeing this the same way?" - Perhaps because they aren't the same person

"But I'm not you." - the last thing Sylvie says to Loki. Literally telling the audience.

________ TLDR: In conclusion, Sylvie was created by a Loki (variant), like enchantress, and is not actually a Loki variant. We know fake memories can be implanted, i.e. with the variants and the TVA. They very specifically do not use any specific names or images from her past that would confirm she's a Loki. The first thing we see Sylvie say is "This isn't about you" to Loki, and the last thing we see her say is "But I'm not you." The writers are winking at us.

Also I straight up don't think Disney would okay the whole same person falls in love with another version of themselves thing lmao

[morganaspendragonss]

so so many thanks to everyone who read even one of these stories. i am forever grateful for all the support i've received; every comment, every kudos, every reblog, every like - they all mean so much. i'm overwhelmed, honestly, but in the very best way. ily all 🥰

day one: against all odds (we're still here) for @trkstrnd

Carlos will hate himself for it later, but he’s so focused on his task that the screech of tires coming around the corner barely registers as a blip on his radar. He doesn’t notice anything until TK suddenly barrels into him, throwing Carlos to the side just before something else, something heavy, crashes into them with a blinding flash of pain, and then—

Nothing.

*

a simple trip to the grocery store quickly turns to disaster for tk and carlos

day two: out, damned spot for anon

TK wakes up gasping, choking on air. The sheets are suffocating him and, when he tries to free himself, they only seem to get tighter. The hands reaching out for him, trying to calm him, are the final straw; TK throws himself from bed and sprints to the bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind him as he collapses against the sink.

On some level, he is aware that the hands were Carlos’s, that the sheets were theirs, that his hands are clean, and that the dream was just a dream.

But they weren't always that way.

day three: the meetings for those in my wake for @freddieholic

For years after the divorce, Gwyn came to learn that any call from Owen was almost certainly bad news, and almost always about their son. Things have been better in the three years since her time in Texas, which is why she thinks nothing of it when he calls just after she’s put Isaac to bed for the night.

“Owen, hey,” she greets. “What’s up?”

The silence she’s answered with is the first sign that something’s wrong.

The sob that follows is the second.

“Gwyn, it’s TK. He's... They think we should say goodbye."

day four: a friend in me for 📍 anon

Carlos has come to see Nancy as a force of nature, a woman who will let nothing and no-one stand in her way, whether that’s out on the field or during a game of Monopoly. But, right now, as she sits hunched over in one of the interrogation rooms, shock blanket around her shoulders, he's never seen her look so small.

or

the story of how nancy and carlos become the new champions of 126 games nights

day five: truth is heavier than fiction for anon

Carlos pauses with his hand on the doorknob, taking a moment to prepare himself before going inside. TK’s shift finished an hour ago and he’d texted to let Carlos know he was home, which means Carlos is going to be walking right into a conversation he’d rather avoid.

Not that he’d have much choice either way; he might be able to cover his cracked and bruised ribs for a little while, but the arm in a sling will tell on him as soon as the door opens. Carlos doesn’t want to hide his injuries—they’ve had enough conversations in reverse on that theme to make him a hypocrite if he did—but he may have made some choices that he doesn’t particularly want to go into right now. Not while he’s tired and aching and just wants to cuddle with his boyfriend.

He blows out a breath, then opens the door, bracing himself for TK’s reaction.

“Hey— Shit!”

day six: slowly, and then all at once for @pragmaticoptimist34

The realisation that he loves Carlos hits him like a bolt out of the blue.

And at the worst possible moment.

We are getting updates on the active shooter situation at the Four Seasons Hotel. Austin Police Department have closed off the area and officers are currently preparing to enter the building to detain the suspect. It is as yet unknown if there have been any civilian casualties, but—

“Paul, turn the damn TV back on.”

“No.”

*

five times tk can't admit his feelings about carlos, and one time he finally does

day seven: the promise of tomorrow for anon

Up until five minutes ago, Carlos had been terrified of never having TK in his arms again. Now, the thought of letting him go scares him just as much, and TK seems to feel the same, if the way he’s clutching at Carlos’s jacket and pulling it tight across his back is any indication.

Carlos hugs him close, sinking down to his knees as TK falls into the chair behind him, letting the rest of the room fade away to nothing as he realises that they weren’t too late—that TK is here, with him, alive and mostly whole.

day eight: we'll hold each other soon for @221bsunsettowers

“Be careful, please,” TK said, smoothing down the lapels of Carlos’s shirt. “Whatever happens out there, whatever you have to do, just promise me one thing. Promise you’ll come back to me.”

Carlos knew better than to promise something like that, and TK knew better than to ask it. But because it was him, and because it was TK, Carlos just nodded and leaned in to press a kiss to TK’s temple.

“I promise,” he whispered, pulling away.

It's the last good memory Carlos has, and he's going to hold onto it for as long as he has left. If he's going to die, then the last thing he wants to see is TK's smile.

day nine: now i am just but the wayward man for anon

Ben is glaring at him again.

Klaus is very familiar with this specific glare—it’s the one Ben breaks out when Klaus is being ‘stubborn’ and ‘stupid’ and ‘a fucking asshole junkie with no self-respect who only cares about the next high and, really, it’s a fucking miracle you haven’t gotten yourself killed yet, Klaus’.

He has to hand it to him. Ben really does have him down to a tee.

*

winter is approaching and klaus has nowhere to go. his siblings are his only option—meaning he effectively has no options.

day ten: i can't imagine my life without you for 📍 anon

It had come completely out of left field—one minute everything was fine, the next Carlos had turned to him with guarded eyes and a clenched jaw, and said six words that sent TK’s whole world crashing down.

“I think we need a break.”

*

nobody likes to be asked 'trouble in paradise?', particularly when the answer is yes.

day eleven: start again from the beginning for anon

Owen trusts his son. He’s watched TK fight his addiction and stay sober for the last six years, and he has faith that he can handle himself.

But when TK doesn’t show up for work the night after proposing to Alex, Owen knows that something is wrong. After all, they've been here before.

day twelve: let me love you when your heart is tired for anon

TK knows it’s going to be a bad day from the moment he opens his eyes. Slowly, slowly, each twitch like he’s moving mountains, he inches his hand blindly across the bed to reach out for Carlos. If he can just feel his boyfriend, if he can just see him—

But, of course. Carlos has a shift today. TK has a vague recollection of him getting out of bed at five this morning, rousing him with a shift to the mattress and a gentle kiss on the forehead.

If this were a normal day, he might smile at the memory.

day thirteen: couldn't utter my love when it counted for 📍 anon

TK takes his time in the bathroom, stopping to stare at his reflection in the mirror for several minutes and trying to talk himself down from any more-than-friendly feelings towards Carlos.

Later, they’ll tell him that this saved his life.

But that won’t be for a long time, until after the smoke has cleared and the dead have been counted and the statements have been taken. For now, TK steels his resolve and nods at himself, then turns to the door, a hand reaching out for the handle.

That’s when the explosion rips through the building.

*

after the boba date, tk lets carlos go. they're friends, which is working just fine, until a horrific accident threatens to take even that away from them.

day fourteen: if i walk out the door (a thousand eyes) for anon

TK gets this feeling sometimes, a sort of prickling at his back, like someone’s behind him, breathing down his neck. At first, it was only a once-in-a-while situation, so he thinks nothing of it; when it becomes an everyday occurrence, he starts to wonder, but he’s probably just being paranoid. The shooting, kidnapping, firehouse explosion, and the fire at his and Carlos’s house had all taken their toll, and TK’s just generally more on edge these days.

He doesn’t tell anyone about the feeling, not even Carlos. There’s no reason to fuck up everyone else’s peace with something so stupid. It’ll go away eventually; TK’s sure of it.

That is, until one of the lots just down from the firehouse gets occupied.

day fifteen: find you here inside the dark for @fanfic-corner

Yaz has walked this room too many times to count now; she’s traced her fingertips over the walls, searching for any cracks or crevices to indicate where there might be a door.

If the Doctor were here, she’d have her sonic out by now, spitting out words, only half of which Yaz could understand. She’d find a way out in no time. Or, if not, at least she’d be here. Talking a mile a minute, probably annoying the hell out of their captors. Yaz can almost hear her now—

Wait.

She can hear her now.

day sixteen: accidents happen for @ilovemosss

So, Jason reflects, it may not have been the best idea to take Pythagoras out training while they’re all suffering from a severe lack of sleep. Being the more logical of them, Pythagoras, to his credit, had attempted to talk him out of it, but Jason ignored him.

He very much regrets that decision now.

day seventeen: you and me (moving through this world as a two-man team) for @laelipoo

TK does not have a crush on the 126's latest hire.

Carlos Reyes: an Austin local, an incredible firefighter, and—objectively speaking—the most beautiful man TK has ever laid eyes on. Which is, in fact, the entire point; TK has eyes and, yes, he will use them to sneak a look or two when he’s suddenly sharing space with a man who looks like a Greek god.

That does not mean he has a crush, Paul.

(and, sure, maybe he does sometimes dream about how soft Carlos’s lips look and the little blush he gets when he laughs and those little flecks of gold in his eyes, but he’s only human)

(how TK knows about the gold in Carlos’s eyes is none of anybody’s business)

day eighteen: in perfect harmony for @anyotherheartwilldo

Here’s the thing—Carlos doesn’t believe in signs. He used to when he was younger, raised on his abuela’s stories, but as he’d gotten older his father had taught him that what mattered was the choices he made. He’s the only one who has a say in the way his life turns out, and if he wants something, he has to put in the work to get it.

But there comes a point—namely, after his fifth thwarted attempt to propose to TK—when he begins to wonder if the universe really does have something against him.

*

proposing to tk proves far more complicated than carlos had first thought.

day nineteen: whatever here that's left of me (is yours) for anon

“Are you…” TK leans closer, peering at the hoodie Carlos is wearing, and—yep. “Why are you wearing my hoodie? Was there nothing in your size from the crew? You should have said something. We can fix this, you don’t need to be uncomfortable.”

There’s a beat, and then Carlos, studiously avoiding TK’s gaze, clears his throat. “It smells like you.”

*

post-2.12, carlos finds comfort in tk's hoodies.

day twenty: can't smile without you for anon

Carlos would be lying to himself if the possibility hadn’t occurred to him before. He has always worried for TK’s safety, and the knowledge that a serial killer is on the loose in Austin has sent that worry skyrocketing. Especially because he’s the lead detective on the case; he’s spent hours poring over horrific crime scenes, examining all the facts until they’re burned into his brain.

Admittedly, the killers seem to be mostly indiscriminate in who they take, meaning the chances of it being TK are slim.

But there’s still a chance.

*

a before, during, and after of tk's kidnapping in a hole where your memory goes

day twenty-one: lately you've been searching for a darker place to hide for @freddieholic

“Can I ask you something else?”

TK stiffens at the sound of Mateo’s voice, a nervous note to it that wasn’t there last time. Something tells him he knows exactly what Mateo wants to ask; still, he turns to lean against the counter, crossing his arms as casually as he can manage. “Sure.”

“Are you…” Mateo trails off, biting his lip and avoiding TK’s gaze. “I mean, do you… I mean—”

“You can say it, you know,” he interrupts, not unkindly. “If you want to know if I’m thinking about heading out and getting high, then just ask.”

*

five times tk turns to unhealthy coping mechanisms when he wants to use + one time he finally asks for help

day twenty-two: know me crazy, soothe me daily for anon

It had freaked Carlos out the first time it happened.

“It was a seizure,” TK explained, after Carlos had finished telling him about it. TK had been disoriented and confused for about ten minutes after, and couldn’t even remember half of their earlier conversation. “I… It’s because of the drugs. They fucked something up in my brain, especially after my first overdose, and now I get seizures occasionally."

*

in which carlos gets a little over-protective and tk is mildly exasperated

day twenty-three: lover, be good to me for anon

Carlos holds his arms out, and TK comes willingly, setting what Carlos now recognises as a tray of food carefully on the bed. “What’s this?”

TK stares as if it’s obvious. “Date night.”

“What?”

TK pauses, then gasps. “You’re right.” He pats himself down frantically, then pulls an object out of his pocket with a dramatic flourish. It’s a little electric tea light—real candles long since banned from the bedroom—and Carlos watches in bemusement as TK flicks it on and sets it down on the tray. “Now it’s date night.”

*

his fiancé being bed-bound isn't going to keep tk from date night

day twenty-four: bring you in from the cold for anon

As a cop, Carlos has always been uncomfortably aware of his own mortality. He’s considered his own death more than is probably healthy, but when you’re facing down the barrel of a gun almost every single day, it’s kind of forced on you.

He’s imagined himself being shot, stabbed, strangled, and everything in between.

But he’s not sure he ever pictured dying in a walk-in freezer after getting trapped there by mistake.

day twenty-five: heaving through corrupted lungs for anon

TK is itching to go home and check on Carlos, to make sure he’s still breathing and actually resting like he’s supposed to be. On the other hand, Carlos would probably kill him if he left work, illness be damned. It’s just… Carlos had looked so ill that morning, skin ashen and voice all but gone, and it had taken a lot of convincing for TK to still go to his own shift. He’d insisted on making sure Carlos had all the blankets and water and snacks and anything else he could possibly want, but even so, he’s still uneasy.

His gut is telling him that something’s wrong, and TK doesn’t think he can ignore it for much longer.

*

when carlos falls ill, they think it's just a bad cold. but when tk goes to check on him, he's in for a nasty shock.

day twenty-six: slowly becoming lovers for @pragmaticoptimist34

Things don’t get fixed overnight. They agree to give them a shot, but that doesn’t change the fact that TK is still reeling from his break-up and overdose, nor that Carlos is still hesitant and afraid of pushing too hard at once.

But, slowly, they get to know each other. And, slowly, they start to fall in love.

*

tk and carlos, getting to know each other and falling in love

day twenty-seven: and curse the gods for @girlwhowasntthere

Jason knows what it is to be cursed.

day twenty-eight: ignoring every warning for @moviegeek03

TK is fine.

He is absolutely, 100% fine.

And, sure, maybe he’s not supposed to be at work right now, and maybe his hand hasn’t fully healed yet, but it’s nothing. His doctor cleared him to go back to work, which means it’s healed enough, and TK is certainly not going to admit defeat no matter how much he's hurting.

day twenty-nine: can you beat back the night? for @girlwhowasntthere

He misses the bard. Geralt won’t admit it, not even to Roach, but he misses him. After months—years—of Jaskier’s constant chatter and the sound of his lute, the silence, once valued above all else, is too much.

It’s been months since the dragon, since Geralt lost both Yennefer and Jaskier in one fell swoop. He’s cursed himself many times over for the words he said—to both of them—and cursed himself more for the mistakes he made to get in this position in the first place.

*

this is the lot of witchers, to be alone.

day thirty: ease my mind for @silvarafael

Briefly, Carlos considers calling TK and telling him about the accident. But… He only broke two of his fingers and it barely even classifies as a minor injury in his book, so there’s really no reason to bother his fiancé while he’s still on shift himself. He pockets his phone then looks around to figure out where the exit is.

Only, an all-too familiar laugh distracts him from his task, drawing his attention to the nurses station.

Where TK is standing, smiling as a nurse swats at him for stealing one of their lollipops.

Carlos is, beyond doubt, fucked.

day thirty-one: scars turn to memories for anon

Their front door is open. It’s wide open, and the wood of the door frame is broken, splinters littering the driveway and the floor of the front room. TK’s heart stops in his chest as he surveys the scene, his brain going blank, struggling to comprehend what he’s seeing.

Everything is quiet in the front room, not even a table setting out of place. TK creeps further into their home, his every nerve on edge as he barely breathes for fear of alerting whoever’s here of his presence.

And then, he remembers.

Carlos was off shift tonight. He was here. Alone.