#why did af have to end an hour early for me

[spritz001]

was trying to finish an attack for @shandzii in the last 7 minutes (because my drawing tablet was locked away) expecting that artfight would end at 12 pm, but it ended at 11 for me :(

anyways hope she likes this or anyone else that finds this

[loveroffictionalmen]

hi !! could you possibly do a oneshot or something where Mike comes home from work early one morning and he sees that the reader (could be GN or male if you happen to write male stuff) is still asleep on the couch, (they take Max’s place in being Abby’s babysitter but they DON’T work for the aunt) and he’s so tired that he ends up grabbing a blanket and cuddling up next to them? and then when they wake up they’re like “mike?? are you okay??” and he’s just a flustered mess? thank you so much! <3

Wakey Wakey

Pairings: Mike Schmidt x male!reader

Description: after a long night at work, mike just needs some comfort from abby’s babysitter, aka, his boyfriend

Warnings: little tiny sexual innuendo at the end if you squint, falling asleep together, fight scene kinda? mostly fluff tho

Words:  704

Prompt: cuddling

A/N: I LAURVED WRITING THIS MIKE IS MY LOVEEEEEEEEE send me more requests for him cus tbh, this was fun af

Mike had just had one of the worst nightmares in his life. So bad, in fact, that he left work early. It was the same nightmare he had been having for years, but instead of finding his little brother, Garett, gone a minute too late, he came face to face with the kidnapper. Only the kidnapper had a mask on- a yellow bunny mask with a purple bowtie at the bottom.

Having been caught off guard, Mike ended up on the ground, beaten and bruised, as he watched his younger brother be coaxed into the station-wagon, and driven away, never to be seen again.

As if the dream wasn’t enough, he had woken up feeling incredibly sore. Bruises littered his arms and torso, but nothing too serious. Mike was too tired to stop and question why he even had bruises in the first place. It was only a dream after all... right?

It was only 4:58 when Mike got to his house- a mere hour before he should have even left work in the first place. He fumbled with his keys, trying to find the right one to open the house. When had he acquired so many keys?

All the lights were off, except for the light above the stove, which provided just enough light for Mike to find his way to the sofa. He sat, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness, when he heard a soft snore. He looked to his right to find y/n curled up under a fleece blanket. He smiled softly. How did he get such a handsome boyfriend? And one that happened to babysit as well?

Mike scooted closer to y/n, pulling him close to his body and laying down against the pillow behind him, so that he was holding y/n. After a while he let sleep overtake him.

When y/n woke up, he was definitely surprised to see Mike home early, much less on the couch with him rather than in his own bed. Y/n crawled over Mike quietly, tiptoeing to the kitchen and turning the stove light off, as the natural light began to fill the kitchen.

He pulled out the egg carton from the fridge, as well as a pack of bacon. If Mike was home early, y/n might as well surprise him with breakfast.

“Is that eggs and bacon I smell?” Abby loudly ran into the kitchen.

“Shhh, we don’t wanna wake your brother, do we?”

“Oh right,” She whispered. “Is that eggs and bacon I smell?” She said much quieter that time.

“Yeah, thought I’d surprise Mike,” Y/n said, laughing a little to himself.

“And why is that?” Y/n jumped a little when he heard Mike’s voice. He turned to see Mike still in his security outfit with messy hair and a crooked smile on his face.

“Well you certainly surprised me when I woke up,” Y/n said. Mike blushed.

“That wasn’t- I didn’t-”

“It’s okay Mike. I liked waking up like that.” Y/n said with a soft smile.

“Waking up like what?” Abby asked, looking between the two boys.

“In your brother’s arms,” Y/n said, making Mike blush again. Abby simply stuck her tongue out and faked throwing up.

“When I grow up, I’m never gonna be in love. It’s gross,” Abby said.

“You might change your mind hun,” Y/n said.

“No,” Abby stated, matter of factly, pulling a piece of paper out of who know where and began coloring with the crayons that were already spread out on the table from last nights drawing session.

Mike wandered closer to y/n, wrapping his arms around y/n and hugging him from behind. When y/n placed his hands over Mike’s, Mike hissed.

“Mike-” Y/n looked at Mike’s knuckles that were raw from the “dream” fight. “Are you okay love? What happened?”

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it,” Mike murmured. Y/n got the hint that he didn’t want to talk about it but he kept it in his mind that he should ask again later.

“I liked waking up like that,” Y/n said.

“Yeah?” Mike asked, placing a kiss on y/n’s jaw.

“Yeah.”

“Well I liked falling asleep like that. Let’s do it in my bed next though. WAIT- I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!”

[the-fiction-witch]

Little Duck

Media The Maze Runner

Character Newt

Couple Newt X Reader

Rating Smut AF!

I laid so very cosy and comfy in my sweet covers, the sound of the glade starting up for the day outside the little shed I called my room. I knew it would be time for work soon but I was just so comfy I couldn't bare to get up. I heard my door open and close and the familiar voice speak up

“Mornin’ Love, Time for work.” AHH newt the sweet blonde Brit that certainly works to my advantage.

Newt and I … let's say have an agreement, an unspoken agreement as it were. We had both been in the glade a good while and of course had grown in that time from little kids to mature teens. Well mostly mature anyway and of course being locked in a huge maze doesn't exactly stop the natural processes of puberty and hormones so we'd become… helpful to each other let's say.

I smiled and pushed my covers away a little sitting up as I wore only my loose oversized blue hoodie one side completely fallen off my shoulder, and my hair a mess from my sleep, I did a big yawn stretching my arms high and rubbing my little eyes as cute as I could, and of course he stood there at the end of my little mattress with his arms crossed over his chest staring like I was a fresh plate of bacon. I knew what I was doing all I needed is for his blonde butt to figure it out. Which didn't always come so easy this early.

“Good morning second in command, what's on the plan today?” I asked sweetly

“We have a few trees to cut down on the edge of the deadheads, some weeding, some inventory and then dinner” he explained

“Ohh I see. Do you think maybe I could skip the trees?”

“Why?”

“I'm just really sleepy newt. Yesterday took it out of me”

“You had a day off yesterday”

“Exactly now my body is so tried, you think I could stay in bed just an extra twenty minutes pretty please?” I whined moving my knees a little to open them more and tugging down my hoddie a little more

“You need to work little duck” he warns

“Please, just a little longer”

“We could maybe an arrangement?”

“Oh?”

“Hoodie off.” He demanded

So I pulled my hoodie throwing it onto my bed he smirked and crawled in with md sitting behind me and pressing his chest against my back before he grabbed my breasts he gave them a good firm squeeze before then jiggling them in his hands holding under them to feel their weight sitting and fondling my breasts for a good few minutes

“Ummm what a good little duck,” he cooed kissing my cheek of course by now my nipples were semi hard which he took as an Invitation to pinch them and tug on them to force them to harden “humm it is a little cold in here isn't it?”

“Very cold, you should warm me up”

“Ohh I will” he smirked twisting them and pinching them between his index finger and thumb moving his fingers back and forth hard and fast leaving me nowhere to escape arching my back and trying not to squeal from the pleasure it caused I moved my hand back to wrap in the strands of his blonde hair and pull him down to kiss my neck all while he chuckled amused at the idea all the other glade boys stare, talk and dream of My breasts and he got to play with them to his heart's content and his own amusement and torturing me one hand left however slipping down my stomach and between my legs to run his fingers across my lips “ohh what a wet little duck.” He cooed but I grabbed his wrist and forced his hand away

“You know the rules. You want more I get more” I whispered

“You'll get to cum isn't that enough for you?” He whispered back

“You want to touch this?” I asked moving his hand to my mound “then you have to pay up newt”

“Fine.” He snapped “you get half an hour meet me in the garden and we'll start the weeding” he says giving my breasts and good squeeze before he got up licking his fingers where he rubbed on my lips

“And if I'm late?”

“Don't be late. Or I'll spank my little duck so hard her pretty ass will be red a week. Got it?” he warns stroking my jaw and tapping my nose

“Yes newt” I giggled

“Alright, weeding half an hour” he remained before he left so I happily got my covers and got cosy for an extra half an hour rest.

Once I got up properly I got dressed into my bra, panties, hoodie and shorts doing up my shoes and heading out into the glade and off to the gardens where I found newt just starting in the weeding he saw me with a slight glare gave me my area to work on, so I started my work kneeling in the dirt to weed the plants humming to myself as I did. Until I felt a firm slap on my ass

“Your late” he said as he worked beside me

“You said thirty minutes”

“Yes thirty not fouty little duck” he glared

“I'm here now aren't I?” I smiled having to lean a little forward to pull a weed and he slapped my ass hard

“Deadheads. Now.” He demanded heading there himself so I pulled the weed and followed him, as soon as we were out of sight of the other boys he grabbed the small of My back and forced me over a fallen tree leaving me bent over at his mercy, “don't disobey the second in command little duck. I warned what would happen” he smirked using of the ties for the plants to tie my ankles together before he unbuttoned and janked my shorts down to my ankles “awww cute” he smirked snapping my panties before he pushed them higher leaving them tight to my pussy and leaving my ass cheeks exposed he gave them a squeeze first then a gentle sooth before he spanked me hard

“Uhhh!” I gasped

“Not a word.” He demanded so I silenced “humm that's a good little duck” he cooed but his spanking continued he made sure to change cheek often so by now both where red, sore, and ached with his every touch “you only have yourself to blame’ he cooed giving me a moment of resbite as he slid my panties to the side and slipped three of his long slender fingers inside moving them from tip to knuckle over and over driving me crazy my wetness dripping down his fingers and my legs “uhh a very soaked little duck” he growled I found grips in the tree trying desperately not to scream as my eyes rolled back from the building pleasure all while my ass still stung in pain he slipped them out licked them clean as he moved to grind his hard bulge against me making me ache for him but he spanked me again before he moved and licked my pussy from my clit to the bottom of my entrance “ummm shuck- I wanna eat you so bad little duck.” He growled licking my clit and around my entrance to toy with me “maybe I would if you got here in time” he smirked before he slipped his tounge inside me using it as he had his fingers moving in and out flicking the tip of his tounge as he did to pleasure me so much but before I could even moan he pulled back and bit my left ass cheek hard enough to leave his teeth there in my sore skin but not to draw blood or anything he stood and spread my ass as far as possible making it ache given how sore it was and he spat down letting it drip down onto my already soaked pussy “finish your weeding then we have inventory in the shed” he said spanking me again “you dare, be late again little duck.” He warns heading back to the gardens taking his tie with him but I giggled and looked over my shoulder at him spreading my legs a little more as I moved back from the tree and touched my toes leaving nothing me hidden

“Or else what?” I giggled standing back up acting as innocent as possible even with my pussy out and just tugging my hoodie down to hide my pussy a little bit

“Or I'll walk you through the whole glade with your shorts around your ankles and my bite mark on your ass” he smirked before he went back to the glade, I quickly fixed my shorts even if my ass was badly sore and I went back to work as everyone went on break.

I did my work and headed for the shed luckily I was there first so I slipped off my shorts and hoodie before I began the inventory work counting seeds and small starter cuttings and soon enough the door opened, closed and locked. He stood there hoodie around his waist licking his lips as he saw me “what a good little duck” he cooed “right here waiting for me” he smirked coming to kneel with me and grabbing my body hard “you just have to wear that for me don't you?”

“I thought you liked me to work comfortably”

“Yeah there's comfy and there's half naked?”

“Which would you rather?”

“We both know the answer to that little duck” he smirked biting his lip as his index finger slipped down the centre of my bra tugging it hard to pull my bra fro my tits

“Newt can't you do the inventory? My hands are tried from weeding”

“Are they now? Well you want something you better pay up?” He smirked

“Okay, against the shelf” I told him and he happily went and stood against the shelf so I crawled over making sure he got a good look at me before I stroked up his legs and unlaced his brown pants while he petted my hair, I pulled them down exposing his hard bulge in his washed out red boxers which I pulled down quickly too to reveal his hard erection desperate veins across his stuff shaft and his head egarly dripping precum I giggled and toyed with him batting him with my fingers and my nose sometimes pressing little tiny kisses to his shaft

“You may struggle at first little duck,”

“Why?”

“I've already cum today”

“Did you? When?” I giggled

“Not telling”

“Tell me newt, or I'll have to titty fuck it out of you”

“Umm yeah? That a promise little duck?’

“Tell me” I warn squeezing his base

“Fine! I skipped breakfast. After I just spent all morning in your room playing with those cute bloody tits your can't blame me for being too hard to go to work. So I skipped breakfast and got myself off in the bathroom”

“Naughty newtie” I giggled kitten licking his head

‘uhh! How could I not having my hands on those perk tits”

“I managed not to finger myself both in bed and after the deadheads”

“Well you have more restraint then I do. Plus you know you'll get to cum later you know I can't sleep without watching you squeal. I don't always get to cum”

“Well I'll make sure of it” I smiled taking him into my mouth and sucking gently moving my head up and down his shaft he grabbed my hair and threw his head back holding back his moans badly

“Uhhhh…. Uhhhh… uummm shuck!... Uuuughhhhh! Oh god yes! Uhhh harder little duck” he moaned but I ignored him instead cupping his balls massaging the to make his release easier “‘uhhhh harder! I need ya come on! I'm so close little duck, ummm bloody hell- uhhhh y/n please I'm on the edge little duck just a little harder!” He begs so I sucked hard and swirled my tongue around his head which was enough to too him over clamping his hand over his mouth as he moaned loudly gripping my hair tight as little spurts of his jizz tumbled onto my tounge filling my mouth. I swallowed everything pulling back to see just how much had covered his shaft even after I swallowed all that and I licked him clean

“So much, especially after you've already cum this morning” I giggled

“Well you treat me too good little duck. Get some clothes on I'll finish up.” He said fixing his clothes

“I thought you liked me like this?’ I pouted squishy my boobs together with my arms

“I like you to much like this that's the problem. You keep making me hard” he smirked

“Fine” I sighed getting my clothes back on. 

[mask-of-prime]

TLG: Final 10 Episodes Sketch Dump

September 2nd once again fell on a Labor Day, like it once did when the final 10 episodes of TLG dropped on WatchTLG (due to its early release on the old DisneyNOW app). The alignment of the exact day, month, and holiday five years later put me in the spirit to sketch away as I rewatched these episodes.

I was there when the countdown on the WatchTLG site had about an hour left. I hadn't seen a full episode of TLG until that point because I at the time thought I wouldn't be into it. I saw the synopses for these episodes leaked somewhere online and was doubtful yet VERY hopeful that the one with Vitani's Lion Guard was going to be a real episode simply because I wanted to see her in new content, regardless of my familiarity with the show.

When I binge-watched these final episodes with a friend, my relationship with the show improved as I went to watch the rest of the show over the next few months. I was so grateful to see so much content and worldbuilding for the TLK universe

Sketch descriptions under the cut:

1. Friends to the End

I've said this before in a review of this episode, but whether or not the writers intended this, their portrayal of irritability brought on by an anxiety attack is astounding. Kion's anxiety is piled up more and more when he's in a hurry to find a cure at the Tree of Life, Bunga repeatedly tells him he's becoming like Scar, and the rest of the group just "blind leading the blind"-in their journey SO badly because they're a bunch of unsupervised freshman-aged kids who are in their "Well I wouldn't go THAT far" or "Can I be the devil's advocate" phase.

This situation of fearing becoming like a shitty family member and being told you are by people when you're already in a vulnerable state is just SO vile and unfortunately so real. I found myself relating hard to this episode due to Kion's valid af anger in this episode, which is why I had to draw Kion claiming his "Don't you just wanna go apeshit??" era.

Kion is basically me throughout this episode and the entire first half of Season 3. It is SO HARD to get through this season sometimes when these same couple of lines keep coming at least once per episode. As soon as I hear Fuli saying "Uhh... Kion?" or "KION!!" I know exactly what's coming.

2. The Tree of Life:

Since we never get to see Sahasi and Ananda's color palettes they had in life, I took what I could make out from their spirit forms as well as some creative liberties, and came up with what they may have looked like on Earth.

Ananda is where Baliyo gets his freckles and dull, dark pelt, and where Rani gets her purple pupils, red nose, and dark tail. Sahasi is where Rani gets her richer pelt and where Baliyo gets his nose gradient, multicolored mane, and lighter tail color.

Fun Fact: According to some email responses from a member of the team who worked on TLG, they said that Sahasi was meant to be Janna's son, which for me, puts an end to a debate I had in my head where I was stuck between either him or Ananda being Janna's child: On one hand, I liked the idea of Sahasi and Surak being the foils of Mufasa and Scar, but also liked the idea of Ananda as Janna's daughter and heir since they looked so alike, as well as it solidifying the martriarchy headcanon I have for the Night Pride. Though the team member didn't straight-up provide Sahasi's relation to Janna and Surak as an absolute fact, rather it was simply the gist they got from the creation of Sahasi's character, it's an answer from a team member at all, which I can absolutely settle with. I decided to give him a similar fur color to Surak because of that.

3. The River of Patience:

I just HAD to doodle eepy Kion. It's like the one part of this episode that sticks with me outside the wholesome therapy dynamics and Kion heroically holding the flower between his teeth. This is basically him but if he fully succumbed to falling asleep waiting for the log.

4. Little Old Ginterbong:

Can I just say that I fucking LOVE Mama Binturong's character?? She's absolutely insane and constantly looks like an addict that needs her fix. She makes me nostalgic for some reason, and I think it's gotta do with her Mama Gunda vibes (which is odd because I wasn't even that young when I saw Tarzan II). I had to draw her doing the thing lol

5. Poa the Destroyer:

All I could think about throughout this episode besides the rare Evil Beshte is how insufferable Pinguino is. I mean it in kind of a good way, his personality is so ridiculous that he's made me laugh a few times.

6. Long Live the Queen:

Surprisingly, the sketch regarding this episode is probably the least expected subject matter out of anything I could've put here: An idea that's been forming in my head for a bit now was the idea of Bunga and Binga continuing the fostering/babysitting business of Bunga's "uncles". Bunga is shown to be a natural with young animals in a few episodes, and it continues in the subplot of this episode where he watches over Varya's cubs.

7. The Lake of Reflection:

The one thing that viscerally stuck with me in this episode was the unbelievably cute design they gave bby Cheezi. Had to sketch him.

8. Triumph of the Roar:

Obligatory Askari sketch because I actually love drawing him and making headcanons of his era. Looking back... he kinda looks like he's looking down at the events of the bottom drawing in slight disappointment.

9. Journey to the Pride Lands:

Drew Azaad (for what I think might be the first time) with the only thing he seemed to be doing throughout this episode -- taking any opportunity he can to comment about how much better cheetahs are at basically everything. He's fun to draw and I'd like to do more art of him one day.

10. Return to the Pride Lands

This is a sketch of what I deadass thought was gonna happen during this scene the first time I saw this episode lmao. At the time, the previous two episodes were fresh on my mind so I thought Kion was once again going to spam his tornado ability, but with Vitani as his subject for his demonstration. She already knew so little of the Roar as it was, given her absence throughout most of TLG's storyline, but could you imagine what she must've been thinking seeing how much Kion's Roar evolved?

[scoonsalicious]

Reminder: I am on a posting break for new content until May 23rd so that I can focus on writing WFLT...

In the meantime, please enjoy this second installment of Unwanted: Unusables, or, chapters from the first draft that didn't make it into the final cut of the finished story! Today, I have an early version of Chapter 6: Unattached. A lot of the beginning is the same (the dinner itself), but there was a LOT I added, then removed, from the end of the chapter. Jade was going by Jewel at this point in the draft, and Tony had gifted Pocket a Ferrari Sergio as his post-Civil War apology.

Why did I scrap this section? Easy: I couldn't realistically convince myself that Nat didn't know how to drive stick shift, lol.

Since this is the whole chapter (as it was) in its entirety, it's long AF.

Enjoy!

You and Bucky arrived at the common room an hour or so later, the sound of laughter filtering out from inside.

"Sounds like it's going well," Bucky turned to you with a hopeful smile. "Try to play nice in there, okay?"

"I'm always nice," you pouted, but when Bucky gave you a pointed look, you sighed. "Fine. It goes against my better judgement," you said, adjusting the collar of Bucky's shirt, "but I'll do it for you."

The look he gave you was indiscernible. There was warmth and affection there, but also an undercurrent of sadness in it that left you unsettled. You swallowed, looking away from him. "Alright, let's get this over with," you said, putting more conviction in your voice than you felt.

He took your hand, and together you walked into the common room. It wasn't hard to spot Jewel-- she was presiding smack dab in the middle of the room, telling some story that had Sam, Steve, Rhodey, Thor, and even Bruce all at rapturous attention.

"I'm going to go introduce myself real quick, then be right back," said Bucky, letting go of your hand and heading over to where Jewel had was holding court. The temperature of the air seemed to drop ten degrees without the warmth of his presence by your side.

You watched as he made his way over to stand beside Steve. In seemingly no time at all, Steve was making the introductions. Bucky took Jewel's hand, and to your surprise, he bent over and kissed her knuckles. Your mind's eye took you back to the day you'd met him, when you'd pulled your own hand back after he'd refused to even shake it.

Jewel demurred and looked away from Bucky, bashfully, before putting a hand on his chest and saying something that made Bucky laugh and caused his cheeks to blush.

"Careful, you glare any harder, you're liable to bore a hole straight through him," Natasha said, coming up alongside of you.

"What if I aim for her, instead?" you asked, reaching for the tumbler of alcohol she offered you and taking a sip to distract yourself.

"What happened to no-strings-attached, friends who happen to fuck?" Nat asked with a smirk. "Don't tell me you've grown strings, Pocket."

You looked away from the scene in front of you. "There might be some growing of string, in theory," you mumbled to her. Nat was the only person you had confided in regarding your arrangement with Bucky. Of course, your friend had been thrilled that there had been something going on between the two of you, but she'd been more concerned about protecting your heart-- was this the safest thing for you to do? You assured her at the time you'd be fine, but now...?

"String Theory?" asked Tony, popping up behind you both with a glass of whiskey. "Seems like a heavy topic of conversation for a social gathering, ladies."

"How'd the interview go?" you asked, hoping to move the topic of conversation as far away from Bucky as possible, now that Tony was there.

"She's everything you said, and more," said Tony with a sad shake of his head. "She put on a good show, though. Cap was eating right out of her hand."

Disappointment coursed through you at his words. "Looks like he's not the only one," you murmured as you watched Jewel let out a coquettish giggle at something Bucky said.

You kept up your conversation with Tony to keep yourself from openly staring, but it was hard to concentrate on anything else. Your heart sank every time they shared a laugh or a joke, or Jewel leaned into Bucky ever so slightly. You found yourself tensing each time Bucky reached out and put a hand on Jewel's arm or shoulder in response to something she said-- all too familiar gestures that you'd grown accustomed to being on the receiving end of, not watching him impart on others from a distance. So much for his "be right back."

You hated yourself for feeling this way.

Eventually, Tony's personal chef, Raul, called everyone to the table for dinner and the little gathering around Jewel broke up. Normally, you would be excited-- you loved it when Raul cooked special dinners for the team, but tonight you were on edge. Following Nat and Tony to the table, you froze in your tracks while you watched Bucky pull back a chair-- your chair, the one you had sat in, next to Bucky, for every meal for the last year-- for Jewel, pushing it in for her as she sat down.

Your heart felt like it was being ripped in half. Your brain automatically began thinking up excuses you could make for leaving the room, but you knew that would only make things worse for you in the long run.

The air around you suddenly felt as though it had grown colder. Everyone around you had noticed Bucky pull out a chair for Jewel-- silently declaring to all that tonight, she was the one he wanted next to him, and not you, despite your unspoken ritual. Sam shot you a sympathetic look, and Steve, who had been getting ready to sit at Bucky's other side, moved to offer you his chair, instead, as if that would make up for Bucky's slight.

You grimaced and silently shook your head at Steve, not wanting to draw any more attention to the awkward situation you found yourself in. Instead, you made your way to the only remaining seat at the table next to Nat-- directly across from Jewel and Bucky.

As you sat down, Jewel looked up at you with a bright smile. "Hi," she said, voice like honey. "I don't think we had a chance to meet yet. I'm Jewel, but you can call me 'Vixen.'"

You looked at her, confusion leaking into your features.

"I thought the two of you met when you gave Vixen her tour earlier," Bucky said, apparently remembering that you did exist, after all.

"Oh, no," Jewel (you absolutely refused to refer to her as 'Vixen,' even in your own head) said with a dismissive laugh, "they had some little bitch of an intern give me my tour. I should actually complain to Stark about her, she had an attitude."

"No, that was definitely me," you said, fighting to keep the annoyance out of your tone, "attitude and all." You had literally wasted three and a half hours of your life escorting this woman around the Tower and she couldn't be bothered to remember you? Jewel didn't even have the decency to look chastised at calling you bitchy to your face.

"They let interns have dinner with the Avengers?" she asked in disbelief, instead. "Have to say, I thought it be a little more... elite."

"Pocket's not an intern," Steve said with a laugh, as though it were the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard, and you were grateful to him for coming to your defense. "She's an Avenger, just like the rest of us." You gave Steve a warm, appreciative smile.

"Thanks, Cap," you said, truly touched he had called you an Avenger.

"Well, she's more like Avenger-adjacent," Bucky amended. The words shouldn't have stung-- it was how you had referred to yourself hundreds of times, but you tended to reserve it for your low moments, when you were feeling unequal to Earth's mightiest heroes. Hearing the words come out of Bucky's mouth, as if he, too, shared in your belief that you were inferior to the rest of them... well, that fucking hurt.

Steve let out a surprised laugh. "Pocket may not have enhanced physical abilities, but she's brilliant. She's an expert in strategy, she's got a PhD in Mechanical Engineering and Computation, and she's got a black belt in Krav Maga. It's no exaggeration to say I'd be dead a couple dozen times over if I hadn't had her at my six. If anything, I think it makes her more important than the rest of us. We're here because of the physical things we can do; Pocket's essential to the team because of how she thinks. We're replaceable, Pocket's one-of-a-kind."

You were speechless at Steve's words, your throat tightening with the emotional lump that had formed there. That may have been the kindest, sweetest thing anyone had said about you, ever, especially on the heels of Bucky's comment. Catching his eye, you mouthed a silent thank you, wishing you could convey how much his words meant to you. He winked at you in acknowledgement.

"I just meant that we try to keep Pocket away from the dangerous stuff," Bucky backpedaled, weakly, in your opinion. "Can't risk her getting hurt." He smiled at you, but you just stared back, impassively, until he looked away, embarrassed. He knew you only called yourself 'Avenger-adjacent' when you were being hard on yourself. He fucking knew it, because he had told you to knock it off a hundred times.

"So, Pocket's an interesting name," Jewel said, and you were momentarily grateful to her for trying to move the conversation on to something less embarrassing for you. "Did your parents, like, hate you or something?" she continued with a giggle. Well, that was a short-lived respite.

"Yeah, they did, actually," you said, completely straight-faced, "but the feeling was mutual, so no love lost there."

Jewel's mouth dropped open in shock and you had the distinct impression you'd ruined whatever power play she'd been trying to pull on you.

Nat broke into laughter next to you, and soon everyone else around you was joining in. While only a select few at the table knew the full extent of what your parents had put you through, it was no secret that you had experienced abuse at their hands, and it was second nature for you to use dark humor to help you cope with it.

As the laughter died down, the small talk started up again. You were thankful for the distraction, but your appetite was gone, which was a shame, because Raul had done an excellent job. You pushed your food around your plate, occasionally nodding along as though you were paying attention to the conversations around you.

You tried to ignore the little glances and gestures that Jewel directed at Bucky, but your eyes kept flickering over to them. You couldn't help but notice the way his body leaned in slightly towards hers when they talked. Did he do that when he spoke to you? He hadn't even said a word to you since the horrible Avengers-adjacent comment.

"So, Bucky," Jewel said, her voice low and flirty, "handsome super hero like you, you got a girlfriend?" Your eyes snapped up, watching him, sure he was going to look to you, make eye contact. Something to acknowledge what was between you, that would make you feel like you were still in the same room, hell, on the same fucking planet, as him. But he didn't.

Bucky grinned, running a hand through his hair.

"Nah, no girlfriend," he said, glancing over at Jewel. "But I'm definitely open to the idea." You had been stabbed in the abdomen on a mission once, and that hurt less than hearing the words that came out of Bucky's mouth, and you had to resist the urge to get up and leave the room at that moment.

"Really, man?" Sam asked from where he sat on the other side of Natasha, his voice hard in disbelief. The atmosphere in your corner of the table had shifted. Natasha, Steve, and Sam all stared at Bucky with looks ranging from incredulity to flat out disgust. Maybe the two of you hadn't been as secretive as you'd thought.

You couldn't bring yourself to even look at Bucky anymore. It felt like a betrayal, the way his eyes had met Jewel's and not yours. You tried to focus on the conversation around you, but all you could hear were your own thoughts. How could he be so callous as to openly flirt with someone else in front of you? Had you meant nothing to him?

You took a deep breath, trying to steel yourself against the pain that was slowly building inside of you. You knew that the two of you were never anything official, but you had thought that there was something there between you.

As the dinner continued, you couldn't shake the misery that had settled in your chest. You excused yourself with no explanation, abruptly getting up from the table, and made your way back to your room. Once you were alone, you let out a shaky breath, tears streaming down your face.

How could you have been so stupid? You had let yourself believe that there could be something real between you and Bucky, but clearly, you had been wrong. He was interested in Jewel and you were just a convenient friend. Being kept in a holding pattern until something better came along.

You collapsed onto your bed, burying your face in your pillow as sobs wracked your body. How could you even face him now, knowing that he had no real interest in you beyond your friendship, after all the things you had done together? You didn't know if you could bear being in the same room with him, pretending like everything was okay between the two of you.

As you lay there, lost in your thoughts, you barely registered the sound of your phone buzzing from your bedside table. Picking it up, you saw you had a new message from Nat.

Do you want me to kill them?

You wiped away your tears, a small smile tugging at the corner of your lips. Leave it to Natasha to offer such a straightforward solution. Despite your heartache, you couldn't help but appreciate her loyalty and fierce protectiveness.

You typed back:

No, as tempting as it might be. Thank you for offering, but I don't want you sent away for double homicide.

Her response was almost instantaneous:

I'm insulted you assume I'd get caught :)

The smiley face at the end was too much, and you actually laughed. You were so grateful to have her as your friend.

Thanks for having my back, Natty.

Any and every time, Pocket. You know that <3

Other texts started trickling in from the rest of your family. Everyone checking in to make sure you were okay, since you had left the table so suddenly and without giving a reason.

But none came from Bucky.

Your suite suddenly felt too small and hot-- you needed to get out, go somewhere that wasn't covered in memories of Bucky so that you could breathe. There was only one thing you did that always helped clear your head. You needed to go dancing.

You changed your clothes for the third time today, opting for a pair of skintight, red leather pants and a black halter top. You did your hair and put on some makeup-- just enough to mask that you'd been crying, but still enough to turn a man's head.

Shoving your phone, ID, and credit card into your back pocket, you left your room and headed back to the common room. You could have just texted Nat to ask her if she wanted to come with you, but you wanted to see Bucky's reaction to how you looked, if he even had one at all.

You were surprised to find the common room far emptier than you'd left it a little over an hour ago. It seemed as though, once dinner had ended, the gathering had broken up and people had started going their own way. Glancing around, you saw Nat standing by a window, looking out over the Manhattan skyline, but Bucky and Jewel were nowhere to be seen. You tried to ignore the rock that had taken up residence in your stomach.

"Natty," you called, getting her attention. She met you halfway across the room, a large grin spread across her face.

"Damn, girl," she let out a low whistle as she assessed your outfit. "You trying to give Barnes a heart attack?" she asked.

"No," you said, "I want to go dancing. I need to get out of my head. You want to come?"

"Absolutely, if only to keep you from making any decisions you might regret in the morning." She paused, assessing you. "He's walking her out, by the way. In case you were wondering where they were."

You had, but your stomach soured at the knowledge, all the same.

Down in the lobby, you were just about to call an Uber for you and Nat when you spotted Bucky standing off to the side with Jewel. They were standing far too close together for your liking. You hoped you could sneak by without attracting their attention, but Jewel caught sight of the two of you and began waving you over.

"Natasha!" she called (okay, so maybe she wasn't waving you over). "Come join us!"

Nat gave you a questioning look, silently asking what you wanted to do.

"Might as well," you muttered. "Night's already gone mostly to hell."

You and Nat made your way over to where Jewel and Bucky were standing.

"Did you come to say goodbye?" Jewel asked Nat, the eagerness in her voice palpable.

"Uh, no," Nat replied, obviously confused. "Pocket and I are heading out. We're going dancing."

"Oh. My. God." Jewel practically started jumping up and down. "Bucky, we should go dancing with her!" It wasn't lost on either you or Natasha that Jewel seemed to be purposefully excluding you from the conversation. Bucky, unsurprisingly, didn't seem to notice.

"Sorry," you said, suddenly struck with inspiration, "but the car's only a two-seater. Maybe next time."

Nat raised a questioning eyebrow at you as you picked your phone out of your pocket and dialed the Tower's garage. "Hey, Carl, it's Pocket.... Good, thanks... you?... Listen, can you have someone bring my Sergio to the front entrance? I'll be taking it out tonight... I know ... Great... thanks!" You ended the call and looked to Nat. "They'll bring the car up in just a minute."

Nat couldn't hide the grin that had spread across her face. "Finally! I have been dying to get my ass into that car forever!

"What's a Sergio?" Jewel asked. "I've never heard of it before."

"I wouldn't have expected you to," Nat said, giving Jewel a tight, fake smile. "Seeing as how Ferrari only ever made six of them."

"Pocket," Bucky said, the first words he'd spoken to you since you and Nat had arrived, "can I talk to you for a minute?" He took your arm and led you away from Nat and Jewel to a more secluded section of the lobby.

"What are you doing?" he asked, voice low and with a hint of warning behind it.

"Going dancing with Nat," you said simply.

"Come on, you never drive that car. You're too scared of damaging it. So, how come the first time you decide to take it for a spin is right in front of Jewel?"

"What are you insinuating, Bucky?" you asked defensively. He looked at you as though you were a child lying about who broke Grandma's favorite vase.

"You're pissed about the intern comment, so you want to flaunt how much money you make. That's really not like you, Pocket. I'm disappointed."

You were physically taken aback by his words. "You honestly think I'd do something like that?" you asked, incredibly offended he could think such a thing of you.

"I didn't think so, but..." he let the rest of the statement hang in the air.

"I called for the fucking car because I didn't want her just inviting herself to join Nat and me," you snapped. "It has absolutely nothing to do with showing off how much money I have."

Bucky ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "God, Pocket, would it kill you to be nice to her for just a minute? I don't understand why you have it out for her so badly."

"That girl has been nothing but nasty to me all day," you said through gritted teeth. "And if you haven't noticed that by now, nothing I say is going to make you see it." God, you were so disappointed in him. The hurt and betrayal you'd felt earlier had subsided and now you just felt... sad. Deflated. "I don't want to argue with you, Buck. Especially not about her. So, can we just agree to disagree on this, and Nat and I can be on our way? I'm sure you have more important things you'd rather be doing than giving me the third degree, anyway."

He crossed his arms, giving you a hard stare. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Tilting your head, you pursed your lips and gave him a look. "Really? Everyone noticed it, Bucky. Everyone."

"Pocket!" Nat called out to you, preventing Bucky from responding to your insinuation. "Car's here!"

With a heavy sigh, you began to make your way to the front doors. "See you later, Barnes," you called over your shoulder. You were more than ready to get out of there and lose yourself in the music.

*

Hours later, you were coated in a sheen of sweat from dancing and completely and utterly shitfaced. You hadn't intended to get drunk, let alone this drunk, but once the alcohol started numbing your feelings, all you wanted to do was drown your emotions in it. Now, you were sitting in a booth in the club, head pressed against the wall, fighting to keep your eyes open. Nat had taken your phone and was talking to someone.

"Hey, it's Natasha. Can you do me a solid and meet up with us? ... Pocket's plastered and I don't know how to drive stick. ... It means I can't get her car home. ... She already shares her location with you, right? So just take an Uber. ... You can drive her back to the Tower and I'll take the Uber home. ... Did you forget how she dragged your ass home when you were drunk on Thor's Asgardian shit? ... I'd say you owe her. ... Text her phone when you get here; I'm holding onto it. ... Good, see you in a bit." She hung up and bent down so she was at eye level with you.

"Sweetie," she said gently, "don't be mad at me, but I called Bucky to come get you and bring your car home."

You scrunched up your face in disgust. "Bucky? Ew. I'm mad at him. He sucks."

"I know, honey, but he's the only other person I know who can drive stick who's awake at this hour, and your car's too expensive to leave in valet parking overnight." She brushed your hair away from your face as you turned to look at her.

"What's wrong with me, Natty?" you asked her, your emotions fighting their way back up through the haze of the alcohol.

"Nothing, Pocket. Honey, nothing's wrong with you. Why would you ask me that?" Nat's voice was full of concern.

"Why doesn't he love me, then? Why am I good enough to fuck, but not good enough to love?" The last of the words came out in a choked sob.

Nat wrapped her arms around you, rubbing her hands up and down your back in a soothing pattern. "You'd have to ask him that, sweetie. I can't answer it for him."

"It's 'cause I'm just a gross, used up whore," you told her. "'s all I've ever been good for-- sticking dicks in. Nothing else."

Nat held you at arm's length so she could look you in the eye. "Pocket, stop. That's Darren talking, not you, honey. You know that's not true."

"Then why doesn't he want me?" you hiccuped. "Fuck, Natty. 'm so in love with him, it hurts." There. You finally admitted it, not just to Nat, but to yourself. You were in love with your best friend, and you had been for a while now. You'd been too afraid to acknowledge it, to open yourself up to the idea that maybe you could have a real relationship with him, and now it was too late. He'd found someone else, and you'd missed any chance you might have had.

"I know, sweetheart," she said, embracing you again. "Everyone knew and, for what it's worth, we were all sure he felt the same way."

"He doesn't, though," you sniveled into her shoulder. "And why'd it have to be her? Natty, she's so awful. He could have anyone he wanted, why did he have to pick her?"

Natasha sighed. "Because he's a guy, and he thinks with his dick," she told you. "And since dicks don't have eyes, it makes it hard for men to see what someone like Jewel's really like. Especially when Jewel doesn't want them to."

You snorted, imagining Bucky's dick with googly eyes attached to it. "His dick was the best, Nat," you bemoaned. "I'm going to miss it so much. So many times, when we were finished, I couldn't even walk after."

It was Nat's turn to snort. "That does sound like some good dick, Pocket," she admitted.

"And his tongue," you sighed. "'s so long, you wouldn't believe--"

"Okay, Pocket, I think that's enough sharing, don't you?" You pouted but didn't say anything else.

Your phone buzzed then, and you looked all around for it before you watched Nat pull it from her pocket and look at the text you'd just received."

"Alright, Magic Dick's here," she said, taking your hands in hers and hoisting you up. "Up you go."

With her help, you stumbled out of the club, only tripping over your own feet twice, which you thought was fairly impressive, given the circumstances.

Outside, Bucky was waiting for you, a stony expression on his beautiful face. God, he looked so handsome. "Magic Dick," you whispered to Nat, then burst into a fit of drunken giggles that had you tripping over yourself all over again.

Bucky was immediately at your side, taking your weight off of Nat and putting it on him.

"Well, hey there, Magic Dick," you giggled. Bucky shot Nat a look over your head.

"How much has she had to drink?" he asked her.

Nat handed the valet the claim ticket for your car. "More than she should have, that's for sure."

While you waited for the valet to bring your Sergio around, Nat leaned down to look at you. "I'm going to get in the Uber now, Pocket. Bucky's gonna take you home, alright?"

You nodded and reached out to drunkenly stroke her face. "Okay, Natty-Nat. Love you."

"Love you, too, sweetheart." She kissed your forehead and headed for the waiting Uber. Before she got in, she turned to Bucky. "Don't give her any shit tonight, okay?" she ordered before closing the door, leaving you and Bucky to wait for the car alone.

"What's going on with you tonight, Pocket?" he asked. "You haven't been acting like yourself." The car pulled up and the valet held the door open for Bucky as he slid you into the passenger seat.

"Just wanted to dance," you murmured, tilting your head sideways to look at him as he fastened your seat belt. "Makes me feel better. And then there was alcohol. Oops."

Bucky let out a sigh as he closed the passenger door and made his way around to the driver's side. He had a point; you seldom got drunk. It reminded you too much of your mother, so you only ever let yourself get a little buzzed. But tonight was a special occasion.

Bucky pulled out of the lot and onto the street. Even at the late hour, New York was still alive with activity. You leaned your head on the windowsill and watched the lights as they passed by.

"You're supposed to be on my side, you know." The words were a whisper, and you'd spoken them into the night. If he had been anyone else, he wouldn't have heard you.

But he wasn't anyone else. He was Bucky. "I am on your side, Pocket. Always."

Though it felt incredibly heavy, you turned your head to face him. He looked so beautiful driving your convertible, the lights of the city reflecting off the lines of his face, the warm night breeze tickling his hair.

"You weren't tonight." Your voice was small, reflecting every bit of the self-doubt you'd felt over the course of the evening, every ounce of the pain.

Bucky sighed, his flesh hand gripping the steering wheel of the Sergio so tightly his knuckles were white. "I don't know what you want from me, Pocket."

You let out an exhausted sigh, the beautiful drunken haze fading from your system and leaving an ache in its wake. You're stomach growled and you remembered you hadn't eaten much dinner. "Can we get something to eat," you asked him, "and go somewhere to talk?" He nodded and changed course, heading away from the Tower.

A few minutes later, he pulled the Sergio into the well-lit parking lot of a 24-hour diner. Like lightning, he was out of the car and coming around to open your door before you'd even finished fumbling with your seat belt. He reached his flesh hand down to help you step out of the car, and to your surprise, didn't let go, hold your hand as you walked into diner together. Most likely making sure you didn't drunkenly fall on your ass and embarrass him, you thought.

Inside, the perky blonde hostess gave Bucky a long, appraising look while he asked for a table in the back. Even at this time of night, the diner was bustling with patrons. The sound of chatter and clinking cutlery filled the air, competing with the soft buzz of fluorescent lights overhead. Waitstaff hurriedly made their rounds, taking orders and carrying plates with a clatter of dishes.

When you reached the back, you slid into the booth the hostess directed you to, and instead of sitting across from you, Bucky slid in next to you. The hostess handed you your menus before casting a final, lingering glance at Bucky and walked off, leaving you alone with the super soldier and not sure what exactly you were going to say to him.

You unwrapped your silverware and began playing absentmindedly with the band that had been holding your napkin in place. You could feel Bucky's eyes on you, but you didn't turn to meet his gaze until you felt the fingers of his metal hand gently reach over and brush a strand of hair away from your face.

"You wanted to talk, doll," he said, softly, "so let's talk."

You bit your lip and turned to meet his eyes, the blue of them so soft and gentle as he looked at you. "I'm not saying this to attack you, Buck," you began, gathering your thoughts, "or to try and make you feel bad, but you really made me feel like shit tonight."

He swallowed thickly, but before he could answer you, your waitress approached the booth to take your order. You ordered a chicken Caesar wrap and a glass of chocolate milk for yourself; Bucky ordered a coffee and a large basket of waffle fries.

Once the waitress had left, Bucky turned back to you, taking your hand in his metal one and lacing your fingers together. "The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you," he told you. He brought your hand to his mouth, placing a tender kiss on your knuckle. "I'm sorry. I was a dick tonight. Finding out that Jewel has the same kind of abilities as I do... it made me feel less alone, like maybe I'm not just a fucked up science experiment that went horribly wrong."

"Buck..." you began, but he continued talking.

"It doesn't excuse how I treated you tonight, but I was so eager to get to know to her, to see how she copes with it. I've only ever had Steve to talk to about it, and Steve's... well..."

"Steve's fucking Captain America," you provided, understanding now where Bucky was coming from. "The perpetual boy scout. You don't want to open up to him about the darker stuff, because you're afraid it will change how he sees you."

Bucky closed his eyes and nodded. "He's already done so much to save me from the worst parts of myself; I don't want to burden him with any more than I already have."

You cupped his jaw with your hand. "Steve loves you, Buck. He will never see you as a burden. I promise you that."

He smiled at you, but it was sad. "I already cost him so much. More than you realize, Pocket. It just felt like, with Jewel, maybe I could have someone else to discuss those parts of myself with, someone I wasn't afraid of letting down."

Your first instinct was to be hurt that he felt he couldn't share those parts of himself with you, but you realized why he wasn't able to.

As if reading your thoughts, he said: "Please don't think it means that I want to share things with her instead of you, though. That will never be the case."

"But there are things that I'll just never be able to fully understand," you supplied, "because I'm not a super soldier. I understand."

He nodded, leaning his head down until his forehead was pressed against yours. "But I don't need to be friends with her," he said. "You said she was horrible to you, and I believe you. That's not the kind of person I want in my life. You're the most important thing in the world to me. I need you to know that."

You would have sworn you felt your heart momentarily stop. More important to him than Steve? Your cheeks grew warm at the implication.

"Bucky, I never want to be the kind of person who tells you who you can or can't be friends with. If talking to her helps you process whatever you need to process, then please, do it." You nuzzled your nose against his. "Just, you know, never flirt with her in front of me again."

He pulled his head back and looked at you, a knowing smirk plastered across his face. "Doll, are you telling me you're jealous?" You made a scoffing sound and playfully pushed him away from you. You were treading dangerously close to feelings territory, and you'd only just gotten back to a good place with him; you weren't about to risk it, but you weren't going to lie to him, either.

You ran a hand through his hair, leaning closer until your lips were pressed against the shell of his ear. "You know I've never been a good girl when it comes to sharing, Bucky," you breathed before taking his earlobe into your mouth and sucking on it.

Bucky let out a low groan and shot his metal hand over to possessively grasp your upper thigh, sending a shiver through you. "Be careful, doll," he growled in the way that had you clenching your legs together, "otherwise I'm liable to bend you over this table and fuck you so hard, you won't remember your own name."

You pulled away from him. "Promises, promises," you teased.

Before Bucky could follow through on his threat, the waitress returned with your orders. Without thinking, you handed Bucky half of your wrap at the same time he deposited a generous handful of waffle fries onto your plate. Catching your eye, he gave you an amused grin, and you both burst into laughter. The tension between you two seemed to dissipate, replaced by the comfortable banter you were used to.

The conversation throughout the meal was light, ranging from random anecdotes to plans for the next day. Occasionally, Bucky would say something that made you giggle uncontrollably, causing a few patrons to give you curious glances. But he just flashed them his charming smile, making most of them blush and turn away.

After finishing your meals, you scooted closer to him, resting your head on his shoulder as you watched the diner's activity. His arm automatically wrapped around you, pulling you closer into his side. You could hear his heart beating steadily in his chest, a soothing rhythm that made your eyes droop sleepily.

"You alright there?" Bucky asked softly, noticing your languidness. You hummed in response, too comfortable to move or open your eyes properly.

"Gettin' sleepy," you admitted as you tried to stifle a yawn. "'s been a long night."

"Then let's get you home before you turn into a pumpkin, princess." Bucky helped you out of the booth, then tucked you into his side so you could lean against him as you walked toward the counter to pay your bill. You tried to hand Bucky your Amex card, but he shooed your hand away. "I got it, doll. Least I can do after everything I put you through tonight."

You didn't argue with him, not because you didn't have the energy to, but because you knew it was his way of making amends. He settled the bill quickly, leaving a generous tip, then led you back out of the diner into the cool night air. You leaned against his sturdy form as he walked you both back to the Sergio, opening the door for you and helping you with your seat belt, despite your protests.

"I'm not that drunk anymore, Buck," you laughed as he leaned over you to click the belt into place.

"Damn it, woman, be quiet and let me take care of you!" He pressed a quick kiss to your lips before closing the door and making his way around to the driver's side.

Though the drive to the Tower wasn't very long, you quickly found yourself lulled into a comfortable stupor, your mind at peace for the first time in what what felt like weeks. You barely registered when Bucky pulled into the Tower's underground garage, or stopped to give the Sergio's keys to the night parking attendant. You were vaguely aware of him picking you up and cradling you in his arms as he carried you back to his room.

Once inside, he carefully helped you strip out of your pants and halter top and into one of his shirts. Once you'd changed, he tucked you both into his bed, curling his body against yours until you didn't know where his body ended and yours began.

"Better?" he asked, softness threading his voice. You hummed in response, half asleep as your body molded into his welcoming warmth.

A soft chuckle rumbled through his chest, "Sweet dreams, doll," he murmured, pressing a gentle kiss to your temple as he adjusted the sheets around you both. His metal arm wound under your pillow comfortably while the other rested on your waist, giving you a sense of protection that no fortress could offer.

You curled closer into him, snuggling into his broad chest like a kitten seeking warmth. His steady heartbeat and slow breathing became your lullaby, luring you closer to sleep with every second.

He stroked your hair gently as you fell off into sleep, whispering words of affection and apology into the quietness of the night.

[t-0ne25]

“I can’t sleep until I feel your touch.” — Option B1.1: Amethyst

[Make sure to please read Chapter 25 of Red Lights first, before you continue.]

As soon as you take another glimpse at the amethyst necklace again, you get thrown back to last afternoon. The purple dress. How he told you about his feelings. The kiss the two of you shared. Nothing comes close to that moment you had together. Fuck. You could have and should have realised so much sooner.

He was the first one you chose on this show, so he for sure will be your choice in the end, too. You head towards the cash desk, bringing the amethyst jewellery with you.

“This one, please,” you tell Lia while reaching for your wallet.

“The colour suits you,” she compliments you, while letting you pay and carefully putting the necklace into a small paper bag.

“Chan said the same,” you say, not really thinking about it.

Lia chuckles, “Are you guys finally a couple?”

“W-What?”

She rolls her eyes, finding it adorable that you don’t quite catch what she means, “Come on, when you entered the store with that bridal attire I thought you were running away from a spontaneous wedding into the arms of Chan. You’ve always had this certain chemistry that you usually only see in movies.”

Is this a sign? This is for sure a sign, right?

You grab the paper bag and put your wallet back into your purse.

“You’re right. I have to go, thank you, Lia.”

Rushing out the store, you almost stumble over your own feet and the ridiculously long white dress.

“Uhm, yeah sure, have a nice day!”

Half an hour later, you find yourself at the company Chan works at, knowing he will be there. Your expectations turn out to be true, when one of the assistants allows you entrance. Opening the door to his studio, you see him inside of it, big headphones covering his ears.

Still, he notices your presence, as he lays them aside, “Y/N… is everything alright? Why are you here?”

“You’re gonna be a lucky husband one day, Chan,” you boldy announce.

He looks at you confused, “What do you mean?”

“As long as you make me your wife, of course,” you add, shrugging your shoulders.

Chan gets up from his seat, shaking his head in disbelief. Long strides bring him closer to you. He’s a little puzzled why you’re in a wedding dress but he guesses it must be because of the show. Shit—did you really come to the studio right after quitting? You didn’t stay there till the end, right? It’s way too early for that. You were supposed to come back to Seoul tomorrow.

“Are you playing with me?” he asks, blinking twice.

“I would never, baby,” you reply, tilting your head.

His mouth falls agape, “Fuck… How… Why?”

“I made the wrong decision,” you admit. “I shouldn’t have let you go. No, screw that—I shouldn’t have said some shit like ‘what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas’ when our moment hasn’t left my heart since then.”

A bright smile appears on his face, when he listens to your words, simultaneously pulling you closer as he grabs you by the hips.

“We’re idiots, aren’t we?”

“Absolute idiots,” you giggle. Your eyes flicker down to his lips and his gaze does the same with yours. “Just kiss me, Christopher.”

His mouth crashes into your own then, when he starts kissing you. A thousand fireworks are shooting through your veins, when he’s with you like this. You wonder if you would have made different decisions if you allowed him to kiss you that night in Vegas, but this doesn’t matter now anymore. All that counts is that you’re together with him.

“It’s always been you, baby, all this time,” Chan says in between kisses. He guides you towards the sofa inside his studio, before he sinks down and pulls you with him. You land on his lap, your lips staying connected with his throughout all time.

“It’s always been you, too, even before that night,” you confess.

“If that stupid red car appeared at the first try, you’d already be my spouse, hm?”

You keep kissing him, when he has you in his hold like that. It feels good to be with him. It feels as if it’s meant to be, after all.

“We’ve got all time now, baby,” you reassure him.

Chan adores it when you use that pet name for him—it makes his heart melt and his knees all wobbly. Although, you manage to have that effect on him at all times, really.

He suddenly changes the course, when he picks you up by the hips and lays you onto the couch. Now hovering above you, his lips travel further down. The irony that you’re wearing what looks like a fucking wedding dress, is insane. When Chan pulls the fabric over your head, revealing the red lingerie underneath, another thing gets spotted by his eyes.

“Is that an amethyst?” he asks.

You giggle, placing the gemstone between two of your fingers, “Hm, same colour as the dress you chose for me.”

“You’re insane,” he lets out, once again in disbelief. This all feels like a dream except for the fact that it isn’t. It’s all real.

“Insane for you, yes,” you chuckle.

Chan helps you out of your bra next, before he hovers his black sweater over his head. The contrast is almost hilarious—the elegant white dress that’s by now discarded somewhere on the floor and his simple but comfy clothes on top of it. 

His kisses enlighten on your skin again and he wanders further south, brushing over your breasts, taking one of your sensitive buds into his mouth, while the other one is pinched between his fingers.

“Let me get a taste of you, yeah? How’s that sound, babygirl?” he asks.

“Fucking perfect,” you reply, parting your legs for him.

“Make yourself comfortable, hm?”

You nod, as you allow him to take your panties off of you. A whiff of your scents enters his nostrils and he feels himself drooling at the thought of finally having you under him like this. Oh, how much he wanted to eat you out that night. Do even more. And start right again when the two of you woke up the next day.

His fingers spread your pussy lips apart, giving his tongue better access to your clit. A string of saliva hits you, although this isn’t even necessary—you’re already drenched for him, absolutely soaking wet because he’s so close to you.

The kitten licks soon turn into Chan making out with your pussy, as two of his fingers gently push into your hole, all effortlessly. He stretches you out perfectly, scissoring you open. Shit—you’re not gonna last long, that’s for sure. You should have done this back then, should have waited for another stupid red car to drive around the corner and then spread your legs for your best friend in that hotel in Vegas.

When Chan curls his fingers unexpectedly, you already envision yourself seeing stars very soon and when a few more encouraging words leave his lips, you cum all over him, coating his fingers and tongue in your juices. Your best friend helps you through your high, before he takes his time to lick both your pussy and his fingers clean.

“That was… unbelievable,” you say in between heavy breaths, trying to calm down a little.

A gentle kiss gets placed on top of your forehead, before you watch Chan walk towards his backpack that’s at the other side of his room.

“What are you doing?” you ask, balancing yourself on your elbows.

“Grabbing a condom,” he lets you know.

You gulp, “Uhm… you know, we don’t have to use one. I’m on the pill.”

Chan knows you’re on birth control. He’s your best friend and usually has to remind you to take it on time thanks to how forgetful you can get, especially when being stressed. But this is insane. The fact you’re gonna let him fuck you raw, lets him fear that he might just cum in his pants.

“Alright then,” he says, before letting the wrapper fall somewhere on the ground, out of sight now. You chuckle because of his excitement, waiting for him to come back.

“Chan…” you whisper, while he’s busy getting rid of the rest of his clothes.

“Yeah, baby?” he asks, back on the couch now.

“I need you… so much…”

“Sure, darling,” he chuckles. “Can you turn around for me?”

You do as you’re told, getting on all fours for him. Chan places a pillow between your head and the armrest for a little bit of comfort, before he aligns his hard cock with your entrance. He pushes himself inside, centimetre after centimetre. Due to his size, you’re glad he’s prepared you so well.

Chan starts with slow movements but once he hears you moaning his name, drooling all over the soft cushion underneath, he picks up his pace a little. One of his hands is placed on your ass cheek, spanking you whenever you clench around him. The other one is at your neck, keeping you in the position he wants you in.

“Fuck– Chan–“ is all you’re able to let out. His hand wanders away from your ass, sneaking between your legs from the front instead—he starts playing with your clit, chuckling right into your ear, when he feels you get closer so soon again.

“Come on, be a good girl and give me another one,” he whispers.

“Chan– I can’t it’s–“ your body feels possessed by the sensations he’s giving you. 

“Oh, you can. I know you can, darling,” he encourages you, while fucking ever deeper into you, railing you into oblivion.

You hastily nod, “Yes– okay, God, right there, please, please, please–“

A few seconds later, your second orgasm takes over you. You drown out your noises, when you scream right into the pillow. Chan has different plans, though, when he slowly pulls you away from it, wanting to listen to your sinful noises.

“Let me hear you, baby.”

He helps you through your high, feeling himself getting closer. Your name slips from his lips like a mantra, before he pulls out of you and his seeds land on your ass and lower back. He is quick to bring an old shirt to clean you, before he hands you some fresh clothes that he has at the studio as well as a bottle of water.

“Uhm… the… the microphone was still on,” Chan says, when he takes a look at all the equipment, seeing a little red light blinking.

“I think we’re used to that by now. Feel free to use it for one of your songs,” you tell him.

He’s gonna faint anytime soon, if you keep going like this.

“God, you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.” Chan slips into his clothes, too. “Let me turn all the devices off and then I’ll take you out for a date, okay?”

“Okay.”

⬅️ GO BACK TO LEAVE FEEDBACK

© j-0ne25 2023 | copying, translating or stealing my work is prohibited

[pedriswife]

Hii, could you please write pedri fluff and a bit of angst?? Of whatever you want

Angsty af but fluffy ending, so yeah:)

☆

"I'm leaving" those 2 words coming out of your mouth were enough to make Pedri's head snap up from playing his games, a tinge of fear evident in his eyes as they met yours, a packed bag in your hand.

Truth was, the past 2 weeks he was completely ignoring you, going to training early in the morning and coming back late, and even on his days off he would rarely make a conversation with you, minimising your encounters to grunts or hums in agreement.

You knew that he was always like this before or after a bad match, but this never went on for more than a day. However, this time, it did. And you had enough of it. Enough of the fact that whatever you did or said, he dismissed your presence as if it was nothing. You decided to pack your bag with your essentials, planning to come back later to pick up the rest of your thing. Your friend already had agreed to host you in her apartment for a few days until things between you and Pedri cleared up.

"What do you mean leaving? Are you going to come back?" He frantically asked, already on his feet making his way to your side, a cold gaze from you meeting his eyes, the usual loving look, long gone.

"I'll come back later to pick up the rest of my stuff. I'm done with your childish bullshit Pedri, so I'm leaving. " You huffed back, trying to open the front door, which proved difficult as he placed his hand over it, preventing you from leaving.

"You can't leave me, please, I know I was an asshole this whole time, but it's because I'm stressed from the matches, I feel like there's so much pressure on me to do well in each game and sometimes it's just too much to take" he rambled, his voice hitching as he finally opened his heart to you, explaing the root of the problem. His eyes were glossy, begging you to stay with him.

"Why didn't you tell me? I would have understood and helped you, " you whispered, dropping your bag and taking your hand and placing it over his cheek, your thumb gently stroking circles over it. His tears broke out of the corner of his eyes, a stream going down his face, the potentiality of him losing you, hitting close to home.

"I don't know, I just didn't know how to approach it," he replied, kissing your hand that was on his face whilst you gently led him to the living room, your attempt to leave him long forgotten, engulfing him in a hug on the sofa.

You spent hours on that sofa, talking out his problems and how to solve them, spilling whatever that was on your minds, finally communicating what was going on. By the time you finished, it was already dark outside, Pedri placing a kiss on the side of your head as he went to order some food before the pair of you went to bed, content that the heavy weight was removed off your shoulders.

[vvatchword]

You've experienced a haunting? :O

Yeah. It's a long story. And it was a hugely formative part of my life. It's a reason I left Christianity and baffles me to this day.

I'm actually at a point where I can say you may have read or heard this somewhere because I posted it on reddit. Imagine how that went down.

Are you ready? Get a big ol' hot drink or something. I'm copy-pasta'ing this thing because it takes forever to do. At least it's more readable this way.

When I was 10, we moved to a new house in the country. A cozy, homey place, very comfortable; when i think of home, i think of it. I often miss it, and i like to imagine i will go back and buy it someday (lol Millennial nonsense).

That said, it was the oddest damn house. From what I understand, it had started life in a nearby town before being physically moved about six miles outside city limits. Someone then tacked on about 25% more house--i think the family who lived there before us did the work. I'm told it was some creative DIY. Anyway. They tacked on a new master bedroom and bath and extended the living room, then an enclosed, screened-in back porch.

My parents got the new master. My sister and i got the original master, behind which was this newer porch add-on. I have no idea why they added that porch because it made our room dark af all the time. The moon had to be large and set or rise at just the right times for us to get light in there at night.

A whole year passed very happily. We liked the house. But sometimes--about thirty minutes to an hour after my sister and I turned the light off in our room--something would start bumping in the attic. Big thump, thump, thumps, like someone with two peg legs stamping around in circles. My sister and i called this "the Thump Bumps." We'd make up whole stories about them. Honestly, I think if my unexplained experiences had remained this simple, I would have chalked it up as rats, which we definitely had.

The thing is, I've since dealt with rats, both wild and tame, and while it's not impossible for them to make such sounds--why constant circles? Why did it sound so heavy? If it were that heavy, you'd think the rat was jumping, and if it were jumping, you'd hear the answering "slap" of its tail. Also, rats have their own little lives to run; they're not automata. Why take enormous, bodily leaps in circles and circles in a steady, rhythmic pattern for two to three hours at a time?

But whatever. We weren't afraid. It was odd, not bad.

Stop Touching My Toys

Early summer rolled in. I had recently turned 11. I woke up suddenly one night. I heard someone doing dishes. Running water, dishes clinking against one another. It was black as sin--which meant someone was doing dishes in the dark. I glanced at my clock. 2 AM. O-kay. Well, i was thirsty, so i got up. Just as i reached the end of the hall--just as i turned the corner to the living room--the sound just cut off like someone had hit "stop" on a tape player. There was no squeak of the faucet handle being twisted or the stream slowing to a trickle or dishes being set down. The sound stopped mid-splash, mid-clink.

Complete silence.

Nervous now, but committed, i slinked into the kitchen. The sink was bone dry and everything clean. Why shouldn't it have been when we had finished all the dishes the night before? I still have a clear memory of the moonlight glinting off of the faucet. I didn't know what to think of it, but nothing seemed awry. I drank my water and went to bed.

I don't know how long passed, only that it was summer and Sunday. That morning, i had been playing with my toy dinosaurs, of which i had five--velociraptor, iguanodon, brachiosaurus, styracosaurus, and... i forget the last but it was an herbivore. I had lined them up on my bed very neatly before heading off to church. I was last out of the house because my dinosaurs were important business. Well, when we finally returned, my parents unlocked the door, and in we tromped: brother first, who turned into his room ahead of me, and me second.

I stopped right in the doorway and I felt real fear for the first time. My dinosaurs were no longer lined up on my bed, but scattered across it, like they had been played with. One was lying under the bed; one was lying halfway under my pillow; one was lying at the foot of the bed. Worst of all, my velociraptor had been jammed together with the iguanodon, like they were locked in battle.

This one bothers me a lot because it's scary no matter how I interpret it. If it wasn't spirit shenanigans--it was human shenanigans. My family might have done it, but whom? Dad was unimaginative, Mom was busy, and although my sister or brother would be excellent suspects, I had been last out of the house precisely because I had spent time lining the dinosaurs up. I think I asked my sister if she had done anything and she said no.

Also, the style of play counts out the animal members of the family; to get that iguanodon into my Velociraptor's arms would have necessitated a great deal of shoving and twisting. We had a Labrador retriever and many barn cats, but all of them were outside.

If not my family, this implies that a stranger broke into the house, only played with my dinosaurs, and then left without doing anything else. Which, frankly, is also terrible. In fact, there is nothing scarier than a human being, and I'd prefer ghosts to them any day, but I guess I'm getting off topic now.

So I'm seriously unnerved by this point. I start connecting dots and I don't like what they suggest. I put my dinosaurs away and tell no one.

It Gets Worse

Well, not long after, I wake up in the middle of the night. It is unbelievably dark in this room, but that's normal. I was very cozy, deliciously rested, safe, snug. One problem: my left arm was sticking up out of the covers at an awkward angle, like i was trying to slap the ceiling. It was actually uncomfortable, but i was so relaxed that i didn't want to move, even to put my arm down.

Suddenly, a warm adult hand presses down against mine. It drags down against my palm. The ball of their hand catches on the ball of mine. The skin is rough and moist. I can feel all the fingers. It drags off and flops away. It was like being high-fived by a zombie.

I jerked my hand under the covers. I am now wide awake. I stare into the inky black and i listen intently. I realize that i can't hear my sister breathing. I can't hear anything. Oh, god, i wanted to hear something, anything. I lie there, not daring to move a muscle, straining my eyes and ears. I was certain there was a person there in the darkness, but i couldn't hear them at all. I was sure they'd speak. They'd have to speak, right? You don't high-five strangers in the night and then not talk about it, right?

I don't know how long I waited but eventually, I slept. And when i woke up the next morning, i didn't say anything about it to anyone. I listened to everyone at the breakfast table and nobody mentioned coming into my room or seeing weird strangers in the night. I honestly didn't know what to think about it. I had been wide awake, i knew it! A sleep-walker, perhaps? Maybe my sister? My mother? But no one was a sleep-walker that i knew about.

I decided to put it behind me. Again, I told no one.

That very night, I wake up again. Wide awake. There's a little bit of moonlight but thanks to that goddamn porch it's a mere sliver on the windowsill behind me. It spent all of its strength just getting there; it can illuminate nothing. And this time--this time, I felt like i was waiting. I tried not to wait. I told myself I woke up in the middle of the night all of the time. I was absolutely not going to give any more high-fives to night people. I had my arms under the covers and everything.

A few minutes later, I hear my brother shuffle out of his room. I immediately relaxed. Oh, thank god, just bro. He was probably going to the bathroom.

Instead of walking to the bathroom, which was right across from his room, he shuffled to the end of the hall.

Okay, so he's getting a drink. Fair enough.

But then he turned around at the end of the hall and shuffled back. Alarm bells started jangling in the pit of my stomach. I froze in place and listened.

He reached the door to my room, then turned around and shuffled back to the end of the hallway, then turned around, shuffled back towards my door. He did this about four or five times. I was getting increasingly more concerned.

Finally, I sat up in bed. The shuffling had reached my door once more. I could see nothing.

"Sam?" I asked. "Are you okay?"

Complete and utter silence. My heart started crawling up into my throat. Please say something, come on, say anything!

Then the shuffling began again

AT THE OTHER END OF THE HALLWAY.

I flew under the covers, which is where I lay for hours while a barefoot ghost shuffled back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. My door is open, it can come in, it can see me, oh my gosh!

But you know what's wild? I fell asleep. All it was doing was shuffling. The sound became tiresome and i was tired. I guess shuffling isn't that bad? Better than nonconsensual high-fives for sure.

The next morning, i was again left with a conundrum: "Do I tell someone?" What the hell does one say about something like this, and what did I expect anyone to DO about it? The thing could teleport. Its ability to do dishes transcended time and space. I didn't know what it wanted. I didn't even know what it was. I wasn't even sure I could trust my experience. It was just so goddamn weird.

For the record, my family was one step above Christian fundamentalism. Southern evangelicals believe in a spirit world of blacks and whites: either a spirit is God's or it's the devil's. There is no middle ground. They also don't tend to believe that ghosts are the returned dead, but actors of spiritual anarchy, there to confuse the faithful and lead them astray.

Well, I was an extremely devout child. I'd read a lot about devils. They came in groups, they were destructive, they caused mayhem, they were almost unimaginably wicked.

My spirit-thing had exercised in the hallway and high-fived me.

So, you know, not sure how to categorize that.

Again, I opted to say nothing. I was hyper-alert when i was in the house, but it was normal and comfortable in the daytime. I decided tonight was going to be better. I prayed and I read my Bible.

On My Own

I woke up that night. Wide awake. This time there was no waiting: shuffling started at the far end of the hallway. It walked up to my door and it did not stop. It walked into my room.

My bedroom's floorplan was like so: sister's bed toward the inside of the room, and my bed sat in front of the hallway. There was an E-shaped walking space. And my new shuffle-buddy was like, hell yeah, I love to shuffle in pathways shaped like a capital E. Let's see how many circuits i can make of this bad boy.

It was summer and I had thrown off everything but a single thin sheet. This creepy fucking bastard started poking me through the sheet. It poked the sides of my arms and legs and hips. It had a lot of fingers, but generally, it would poke me on the side it was walking. Also, the fingers were preternaturally small. I kept hoping i was imagining it. Maybe it was the fan. Let it be the fan just whiffing on the sheets.

"Lol," said the ghost, probably.

Did I fall asleep this time? Absolutely fucking not. I lay there absolutely still, barely daring to breathe, for I don't know how long. I kept hoping my sister would get up.

Eventually, the room started lightening. Dawn was coming. I started straining my eyes again. Soon it would grow light enough for me to see my tormentor.

The shuffling stopped at the head of my bed. I heard three drawn-out sighs in a woman's voice. Each one was identical to the one before, like a recording being played.

And, just like that, it was gone.

I launched out of bed like it was Cape Canaveral. To my surprise, my sister followed me immediately. I was angry at first, like, you mean YOU didn't do anything? (She was 9, idk what I thought she was going to do.)

I threw myself into my mom's bed and started babbling about ghosts. There was a ghost in my room it was walking around my bed and it was touching me and it sighed and it high-fived me and why wasn't my mom looking concerned? Why did she look crabby?

"Watchword, please, stop," Mom said. "You're going to scare your sister."

I frantically turned to my sister. She stared at me blankly and said nothing. I realized she must have jumped out of bed because i had disturbed her, not because the ghost had woken her up.

This was beside the fact: my mother didn't believe me.

I hate to tell y'all this but i would routinely lie as a child. I'm not talking about mundane activities like whether i had cleaned my room or finished homework. I'm talking about, "Today I saw a dragon while i was riding the bus!" Or, "I found a magical pool full of fairies!"

The only thing worse than being disbelieved by my own mother was the realization that i had played myself. I was the boy who cried wolf, but instead of wolves it was Shuffles, chore-ghost.

I was on my own.

Jesus Magic

So that night, i prayed before i went to bed, and i threw on my comforter even though it was uncomfortably warm. When I woke up suddenly that night, right on the dot, i woke up afraid--and mad. Like let's throw hands bitch. If Mom wasn't going to help me, i was going to help myself.

Right on schedule, the thing shuffles from the end of the hallway into the room and begins shuffling. Moonlight was starting to pool on the floor but it wasn't illuminating and the ghost wasn't getting very close to it.

Thankfully, no more poking.

Shuffles had only gotten three-fourths of the way into its cycle when i leaped out of my bed. I balled my hands into fists. I stood straight and threw my shoulders back. This was great and everything but this was as far as I'd planned. Also, I was 11 years old. Nobody is afraid of babies except for smaller babies.

The ghost stopped. I could feel it regarding me from a corner. It felt so apathetic. Like it really didn't care, but go off, i guess.

I groped around for something to say and pulled off the verbal equivalent of the housewife who starts throwing flowerpots and ballpoint pens at a home intruder.

"You'd better not hurt my sister," I said loudly, hoping my sister would wake up (she did not).

Silence. I stood there, feeling dumber by the second. Was I going to try and fist-fight a ghost who could teleport? After a couple of extremely awkward minutes, I lay back down, and just like that, Shuffles started walking again. I spent the rest of the night wide awake and in despair.

Again, as the dawn light began to fill the room, and just before I could see anything, the ghost sighed three times--each time identical--and was gone.

Again, i sprang out of bed and marched to my parents' room.

My dad had come home the night before. He often worked at faraway locations for weeks at a time. So as I tried to tell Mom what had happened, he leaned up on an elbow and listened.

He believed me!

Mom tried to tell him I told stories like that all the time. I don't remember the exact gist of the conversation, but he prayed with me, and I felt better.

That night was Wednesday night church. Dad put in a prayer request for me and sang a special song he'd selected that mirrored my fears. I felt so seen and so cared-for. And that night, he prayed over my doorway, asking God to put an angel there. He also told me what to say if the ghost showed up.

I went to sleep elated.

I woke up that night again. This time I was just buzzing with excitement. Was I about to see a ghost fight an angel?

The shuffling started at the end of the hallway. It grew closer and closer. I was so afraid that i might have to face the ghost myself. I waited for any sign that the prayer had worked.

Shuffles shuffled straight through the door. Didn't even hesitate. Shuffled right beside the bed. This time the moonlight fell far enough that I should have seen something walking--pressing into the carpet, at least, right? But I could see nothing at all.

My heart sank. I sat up anyway. Shuffles stopped right beside me. I could feel it regarding me.

"In the name of Jesus," i said, "get out of this house and never come back."

Huge, pregnant silence.

Then: "Haaaaah." One long woman's sigh, identical to all the ones before. And just like that, it was gone.

I was able to sleep the rest of the night, and the next morning i raced up to Dad and gave him a huge hug and told him it had worked!

Now, I've got to interject a note here. I am no longer an evangelical, but an atheist. This one experience kept me religious longer than i might have been otherwise. It was also the seed of some doubt and thought... because, like a bad horror movie, it didn't end.

This Is the Song That Never Ends

Early fall, about 6 in the afternoon, I was sitting in my brother's room, reading a racist primer from the fifties, as one does. I started to feel uncomfortable. I felt like I was being watched and i couldn't pay attention to the text. My eyes kept sliding over the words.

I wanted to get up and leave. But when I really thought about it, I got a bit tetchy.

"No," I thought. "There is absolutely no reason to leave. I won't."

I started just staring at the page, doing no reading at all, as the uncomfortable feeling grew and grew and grew.

Then, from the door: "HAAAH." A man's sigh, but like the woman's sigh pitched down.

I flung the book and sprang. When I hit the doorway, i passed through a heavy coldness. Hit the hallway. Realized the hallway was downright hot compared to the room--probably a difference of fifteen to twenty degrees. What's more, passing through that coldness was like stepping through a door. As i walked into the living room, i marveled. Dad was watching Wheel of Fortune turned way up, bro was on the computer, Mom and sister were cooking and conversing loudly.

When I had been in that room, I hadn't heard anything. It had been completely silent.

After that, all obviously weird activity dropped off precipitously. It didn't end, though. A number of small, bizarre things followed me into my mid-twenties. At one point, I had a customer tell me I had an angel, and I said, "HAHA no. No thanks."

I have my theories; that's all they are. Mostly, I want nothing to do with it. I ain't going into no haunted houses, y'all. I don't trust something that can look or sound like anything it wants. I can't understand their motivations and that alone is reason to stay far, far away.

I became an atheist. I was able to explain away a lot of nonsense i had thought was miraculous as a child. I haven't been able to explain this. And honestly? I'm kind of grateful. Keeps me humble. I feel like it was a truly rare experience.

[dracoangel]

Finally finished Dawntrail last night. Which took me considerably longer than Endwalker, which is actually saying a lot because at the time of Endwalker release I was dealing with a 2hr. disconnect (meaning every 2hrs and 4minutes I was being disconnected) and an hour long queue to log in (so really I was only getting an hour of game time every 3 hours). So here is my opinion of it.

So Dawntrail Spoilers!

Queue Times: I only ever had an abnormally long queue once for logging in. And that was after there was a mass kick/disconnect on the Data Center. So whatever SE did since Endwalker release has worked. Alas, that cannot be said for DPS queues. Usually I've only had to wait, at most, is 15minutes to get into rolos. But thanks to this expansion having two new DPS jobs that people are leveling, DPS queues were atrocious. To give an example, I sat in queue for over an hour for the MSQ rolo. 4 days since Early Access and they are still pretty bad.

Graphical Update: The update was nice, I definitely noticed it more on armor and Male Miqo'te than anything else; it was like a bit of an HD upgrade. Unfortunately Thancred's face looks a mess, I don't know what they did to it, but it no longer looks like him. And then there's Ketenramm, his face looked way too detailed that it looked out of place. It reminds me of the new NPC's in SWTOR and they look way out of place because they were given textures that no one and nothing else in the game has.

The New Zones: Apart from the final 3 zones (Heritage Found, Living Memory and Solution Nine), I loved all the zones. They were all beautiful and unique. My favorites being Kozama'uka and Yak T'el. Heritage Found, Solution Nine and Living Memory just gave me a headache and while there I didn't feel like I was playing FFXIV anymore. I felt like I had been teleported to the world of Tron or Mass Effect (Which would have been fine if I had actually been playing one of those). Hell even the motorcycles the mobs were riding (which is also a mount you can get) looked exactly like the ones from Tron, just missing the light streaking behind them.

The duties were beautiful and really well done. The final trial though was punishing af!

The Story: To start off unfortunately it had like no emotional connection to it. The only time I had an emotional hit was the anger I felt towards Bakool Ja Ja with his antics and then anger over how he ended up the way he did. The first half of the story wasn't bad. It was chill and laid back. Your character was no longer the forefront hero but now in a mentor role to Wuk Lamat. I love her character, Koana, Gulool Ja ja and others whose names I can't remember.

Now, for the second half. Not going to lie, it was a struggle for me to get through. The story was just out there. It was like they were trying to come up with a way of making the other reflections relevant again and a way of moving Y'shtola's story forward concerning them that they came up with this convoluted story of interdimensional shifts (or what it rifts? w/e). I would have had an easier time with invading aliens over this. In fact, that's what I thought it was before the truth was revealed. The robots first reminded me of the dead race in Endwalker (I can't remember what they were called). I was never able to sympathize with Sphene or Zoraal Ja and felt zero connection. I felt worse for The Endless who didn't choose their life. Which, btw, they never said whether they completely abolished the soul system. And I'd be upset if they were allowed to continue it with what souls they still had in Solution Nine. Even the scene with Krile being reunited with her parents didn't hit like I thought it should have.

I missed the Scions. I've watched these character grow since the start of the game and to not have them around just kinda sucked. The only ones around were the Twins and Krile. And I'm still trying to figure out why the Twins were there. They didn't do hardly anything other than stand in the background and offer small bits of dialogue. I mean, I know why they were there from a story stand point, but they just didn't really contribute much. They could have just stayed in Tuliyollal observing the populace there the entire time and they would have had the same impact. It felt like a cock-tease whenever Estinien or Thancred and Urianger would briefly show up just to disappear again. And speaking of characters growing, when are the Twins going to actually age and maybe have their Elezen growth spurt? They've only been 16 since Heavensward.

Final Thoughts: So for my overall experience for the game: It wasn't good. As someone who plays for the story it was a huge let down. I realize not every expac should leave you an emotional wreck like Shadowbringers and Endwalker did, but to have basically zero emotional connection to any of it is not good. The graphic update was never something I was like "gotta have", I never had a problem with the previous graphics; in fact, of the mmo's I've played over the years I preferred them over WoW or SWTOR. So as much it's nice to have, it didn't make or break me. I haven't gotten a chance to really try the Viper or Pictomancer other than their opening quests. Viper felt like I'm playing a Samurai and Pictomancer feels like something that is going to take me a lot of time to figure out how to play properly.

So my personal rating is a 4/10. It was a huge disappointment. I had been looking forward to this expac since it's announcement, I had been super excited to see where they were going to take us. But unfortunately the second half of the story just left a bitter taste in my mouth.

Time for me to either make a new character or play New Game+ to wash the taste out with good stories.

[farceargon]

my love my dear <3 blows u a kiss. 1, 20 and 30 for the asks :-3?

HIII MWAH!! I push you down the stairs beloved!!!

1 . what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

Oh you had to pick the hard one huh. | I really have no idea about what shaped me... I suppose that dinosaurs did? Classic kid thing to start fixations with, those things consumed my childhood and I still love them. It's thanks to them that I branched into drawing dragons, then got to where I am. Casual eldritch/biology enjoyer. Games for sure, 100%. Honestly I think my neighbour falls into this place too. He was the younger brother but I got on way better with him. I'd say we were almost best friends, we'd spend majority of our afternoons throughout all his primary school years (+2 of my high school years) playing Skylanders together and talking about Pokemon. We saw each other almost daily!! I don't know where he is now or how he's doing, but I hope he's doing great out there. He was a good kid, I wouldn't want anything else for him and for how much he helped me become who I am today. I hope he knows how much he still means to me after all this time.

Music. I think would have to be the last thing I can think of. My music taste has changed so much since the start of high school but regardless it was my crutch. My silence was always filled with music if I could help it. On the bus, in the car, at home. It's still the same now too. Music stops me from overthinking and fearing and I always tend to tear up at random moments listening to random songs. I would and do always daydream to it and it powered/powers my thoughts like nothing else. Music kept my creativity alive, especially when I developed some intense anxiety/depression during early years of high school. For that I owe it everything.

20. favourite things about the night?

Oh yes an easy question, PHEW. It's dark, quiet, peaceful, nice on the eyes and generally peak hours 'cause everyone's asleep. Nothing is nicer than having a window open to the darkness outside, hearing the wind blow a cool breeze by. Orange streetlights over the road or Christmas decorations in the dark. Nothing quite as hypnotizing as driving at night and seeing the lights go by in spotty patterns. During the day people are active and about, supposed to be awake and full of energy. I'm a very chill, tired person most of the time and the night is so much less stressful to me. It's down time for everyone and that means I can vibe at my most comfortable. Did I mention it's dark? Light hurts my eyes </3 That's also why I love cloudy af days.

30. what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

Cat. My cat. Idk how you're supposed to not feel happy when you're near a little, fluffy creature that loves you. Easy mood booster.

-

Hough... This one ended up a little more than I meant. Actually I think both asks did, my bad dfgnjdfh

Thank you for asking though!

[poupeesdecirque]

Personal & Project Updates!

First of all:

This blog runs on queue most of the time, I am checking it daily but work eats me.

I can’t get into details but some of you know I changed classes in begin of April and am trying to adjust to the new schedule but shit hit the fan and I had to overtake my old class ON TOP of the new class without a proper assisstant for the latter two weeks ago. I am super exhausted, my social batteries are drained af and i can’t really engage in hobby interactions right now, even managing things that are basic are hard (I get cooking going though). I am working 4 hours less a month after the summer break if ... I am really working my regular hours, we will see.

That on top of me being super sensitive to the summer temperatures and seasonal depression just leaves a hefty mess.

I do stress art, I put it into the blog. That’s why there is content. I need to get the steam out somewhere and there is a point reached every day where sports isn’t doing the trick anymore as my body is just like “heck pls rest for ONCE” ... therefore... tinkering here and there.

I’m glad people like a lot of the things I did in the past weeks, find them inspiring or nice to look at. The queue is always a surprise bag for me, reminding me “hey you did this cool thing, you had progress” every day while digging through the mess my life currently is.

And now for the art/blog related stuff:

Just as a list for myself to remind me I have... things going on.

1. The Earl - Self sculpted head

Has top priority in doll regards, I am currently back at working on the head itself.

2. Rooms

For the rooms I am rearranging the last furniture (had a huge furniture building weekend last weekend), I am trying to find a spot for everything, figuring out who moves in which display and what things to display and all

+ making displays, room boxes etc. for now priority is the ‘living room’/’office’ to focus on one room to get less overwhelmed

3. Dolls

Fizz is the next to be sewn for, I got his fabrics, but nothing more as I focus on the Earl first.

Edward will get a face up.

Once all layaways are paid off and the rooms/my car are not eating my funds I will start getting bodies for the rolling heads.

Rolling heads at home that will get bodies (order of priority): Kanda, Lenalee, Sokrates, “A.”. Later on: Lavi, Bookman, depends on arrival then.

4. Cosplay

I want to make another cosplay for the next convention I aim to work on it during my summer break, that means more focus on something for myself, lesser on the dolls.

5. Drawing

I still stick to finish 5 drawings per week. Sometimes even more, I do stress art, therefore I am drawing a lot.

6. Writing

I do write daily right now but nothing I want to publish. I aim to get the next chapter of ‘Secrets’ done hopefully in June

7. Photobooks

Two more are due to get printed in end of June

8. Weekly photos

I am trying hard to keep that challenge up, drawing and writing is my main focus for stress art right now, though I wake up super early and use the sunrise for pics

I am trying to think of the doll birthdays I have coming up (both 10 years)

9. ...??

I am sure there is more lol but yeah. Shit will keep my mind busy.

[ilaiyayaya]

I Am So Mad rn frfr

I hate that my mental health always takes a massive drop around this time of the year. The worst part is like, it's not even like normal seasonal depression, I like fall and winter and like as soon as Christmas is done I'm fine again for the rest of the winter months. But god I fucking can't take having to see my family like once every week or 2 for a full 3 months from the start of October to the end of December because there's always either a holiday or one of their birthday's. At least I narrowly avoided one of the 2 worst days, Thanksgiving, because I had work as an excuse 🎉🎉🎉 unfortunately I don't have work on Christmas and because I avoided them for Thanksgiving I am going to be hearing shit over that on top of the normal things that make me want to die. I am actually at my fucking limit of dealing with these people, the last time I saw them I got extremely close to having a meltdown and fighting my uncle. If I hear a single fucking thing this time about my fucking hair, or my ear-piercing, or my job, or the way I fucking walk, or if one of them say I look like a [REDACTED] because of any of those things I'm gonna fucking lose it. I fucking hate my entire dad's side of my family and I can't fucking escape them in my current situation and yet my mom's side of my family is mostly great and I don't have a problem with a majority of them, unfortunately I haven't been able to talk to any of them in several years and trying to get in contact with any of them would give an easy way for my mother to find me which would potentially put my life in danger so yea that's cool.

At least after Christmas I'll be done with them for a while so just 1 more week and it'll all be over, and as long as I'm out of my father's house by this time next year, which there's no reason why I shouldn't be aside from my own incompetence (which is a really big obstacle, I can't do shit right), I won't have to see any of them ever again. Just 1 more week 1 more week only 1 more I can do it I'll live no more holidays after that I can survive 1 week surely I won't go on a psychotic rampage within that little amount of time.

AND last night someone I haven't talked to in like 6 months randomly messaged me on Discord minutes before I was about to go to sleep wanting to call, and I regrettably said sure. This was like 5 hours before I was supposed to go to work too and the entire like 2 hours he had me trapped in the call I was just desperately trying to find an excuse out (even tho I literally had a very valid excuse of having work the next morning) and of course I did not get a single moment of sleep afterwards because it was too late by the time I got out and was tired af the entire day (I have still not slept since then because I am very smart and take very good care of myself and always get sufficient sleep and I have work again in 6 hours).

The call itself was completely fucking miserable too, there is a reason I haven't talked to this person in 6 months and absolutely should not have agreed to talk but I suck and can't say no to anything ever. Immediately like 1 minute in they start telling me about how they think some girl at a bookstore they go to is flirting with them, which like, on it's own, if it was actually happening, like that's fine, whatever, cool, but then the snowball really starts when he mentions her age as "probably in her early 20s" (he's like, at least 35 (which again, normally I don't care, fine on it's own)), and I blanked out really fucking hard for 90% of that call so I don't even remember everything he said about her after that, but I do remember him progressively changing her age as he kept talking to "probably 20" then "at least 18" and then after that kinda implying but not outright stating that she's possibly not even 18. This entire time I was pretty much not saying a word except like "yea" and "uh-huh" and like other completely meaningless responses, so it just felt like he was having an internal debate with himself over whether he should try to go after this potentially underaged retail worker except instead of it being internal it was out loud, to me. What's fucking worse is the conclusion he came to was that like, he "doesn't really care about how others perceive him at this point" in reference to trying to hit on this probably underage retail worker. I feel really bad for that bookstore clerk she probably literally was just trying to do a job that she has to do and now this creep thinks she's into him. AAAAAAAAAA AND I'M THE FUCKING WORST BECAUSE THE ENTIRE TIME THE MOST I SAID WAS LIKE "yea I probably wouldn't do that, but like it's your life I can't stop you" INSTEAD OF TAKING A HARD STANCE AND JUST SAYING OUTRIGHT TO FUCK OFF AND DIE.

After they finally finished being the biggest creep I have had to talk to in months they just started talking about a bunch of random games they'd been playing, and they got really hung up on Baldur's Gate 3 specifically, they fuckin' hate it. I should preface this part with, I have mentioned to this person once in the past that I am nonbinary and trans and they were kinda weird about it then and I just didn't ever bring it up after that, but they still definitely knew unless they just forgot. So like, idk anything about Baldur's Gate, or D&D as a whole, but I've heard 3 is good, and so when he first brought it up I said "I haven't played it but I have literally only heard good things about it" big mistake, this instantly led to him listing off every issue he had with the game, specifically it's writing, and how much he hates that they added the ability to choose your pronouns because it's a classic fantasy game and pronoun choice doesn't make sense in a D&D-style fantasy world (even though I thought like the entire point of D&D was making your own character whatever the fuck you want it to be). He also really didn't like that you can be in a polyamorous relationship in 3 and brought up an example of like, some character in 2 would never be in a poly relationship, and if you chose them as your partner they would probably kill you if you tried going out with anyone else, but like, that character isn't in 3 as far as I'm aware, and also like, just because it wasn't in 2 doesn't mean they can't add it in 3, actually that was like the crux of most of his points he just really didn't like anything that was even slightly different than Baldur's Gate 2. Also side note but that character he brought up from 2 I do not remember the name of at all and every single time he brought her up he was like "surely you know her, you've definitely seen her there's tons of rule 34 of her" sorry but no I haven't seen the porn of a random character that I didn't even know existed and I don't know why you assume I have. Anyways now I have a reason to play Baldur's Gate 3 and never touch Baldur's Gate 1 or 2 entirely out of spite.

I don't know why the fuck he just randomly wanted to talk to me and have these specific fucking conversations with me of all people but now I've had to spend the last 20 hours thinking about how much that call pissed me off so that's fun. God I fucking wish I had some basic fucking social ability to tell someone to fuck off without worrying about, literally nothing, just completely nebulous anxiety, I had literally no reason not to just leave the call and tell him not to message me again as soon as he started being weird BECAUSE I DON'T ACTUALLY FUCKING GIVE A SHIT HOW SOMEONE WHO IS THAT MUCH OF A PIECE OF SHIT REACTS TO ME TELLING THEM TO SHUT UP WHY THE FUCK AM I LIKE THIS AAAAAAAAA I'M JUST FUCKING BLOCKING HIM NOW LIKE I SHOULD HAVE LAST NIGHT AAAAAAAAA. At least in this case I can just easily block him and be done with it, I'm not friends with anyone he knows anymore and I already hadn't been talking to him but like, ugh.

[yagodichjagodic]

If you’ve followed me for any period of time then you know I have a shop. I make horror, kpop, & film inspired art/jewelry/plant accessories. I'm also queer AF & it isn't something I hide. 2023 has been a super rough year for me (for a lot of reasons), but struggling with my sense of self & my art has been overwhelmingly prevalent.

I'm trying very hard to work on my mental health, & just myself overall, so I decided to try vending again. I thought the place I chose was a safe call. It was a local artist flea that I used to do monthly, but hadn't been to in a year & a half.

My anxiety had been getting worse & worse leading up to the event (which was yesterday), but I worked through it as best I could because I didn't want to bail & get black-listed as an unreliable vendor.

A few hours into the event an older guy (late 50's early 60's) came up & started to look at my work. The first thing he saw were two clay heart necklaces. They featured sculpted eyes painted with rainbows & he says, "I don't drink bud light anymore."

I didn't understand what he was saying at first, or why....but then I saw what he was looking at & put two & two together. In retrospect, I think he was even waiting for my reaction. I asked if it was because of Dylan Mulvaney....I was still honestly unsure what was going on in this conversation. I feel really stupid looking back on it.

From there he started off on a really insulting & cruel tirade about LGBTQIA+ individuals. I was still trying to be a professional, & counter what he was saying, but I forgot how people like that really are. At one point he started yelling that I was offended too easily & how woke he was because he had a gay daughter. I just remember feeling so fucking bad for her if that was true. Like this overwhelming sadness came over me.

At this point I was starting to cry. I was angry, frustrated, & incredibly sad...& when I get that way, I cry. I felt so fucking stupid. Still kind of do if I'm being honest. This was the moment when I told him he needed to leave my booth. I was still polite (which I wish I hadn't been), but other vendors & people shopping were paying attention & watching now.

He refused to leave & I just kept saying, 'Sir, you need to leave my booth." Then he started yelling & making personal insults about me. So I started shouting back to get out of my booth. Finally he walked away, but not before screaming at me not to follow him, as if that was the issue when he was the one who wouldn't leave!

It was then that I had the opportunity to really look around & see that the vendor across the aisle from me had stepped up & was making sure he left my booth, & his partner who had been elsewhere while this happened (only catching the tail end) rushed over to check on me. I appreciated that immensely, she talked me into staying the rest of the day & checked on me throughout

But the thing that isn't sitting well with me is that the organizers of the event (who were only two tents away from me) just watched all this happen & didn't do anything...they didn't even make him leave. They just let him continue on through the rest of the flea.

Eventually one of them came over & mentioned how he must have been looking for a fight. When he came in the entrance he said, "I hate Harrisburg, I don't know when I even came to this fucking thing." & then walked in...

This whole situation is really messing with me mentally. The things that he said to me, the fact that arguably the most 'inclusive' & 'progressive' art market in the area did nothing to protect me or even ask that guy to leave. It makes me feel really fucking worthless.

I've been struggling so hard with that these last few months, feeling like I, or my art, has any value. I'm also in the nightmare process of adjusting my meds, have been since February. I'm just trying so fucking hard to work on myself & make things better, but it feels like I get knocked down at every turn.

I just needed to share this some place. All of this. I can't say anything on IG because I'm not trying to cause any kind of issues or 'dox' anyone associated with the market I vended at. I just needed to put all of this out there...& tumblr feels safe to me.

I just feel so invisible & worthless anymore. My art feels pointless, I feel pointless. Like, why would anyone protect me or care about me?

I really don't know why I keep trying...but thank you for listening.

[jejakgorengan]

Long walk from work for sure feels like a good time to reflect on life.

For the past three days I’m joining some workshop on preparing and operating some gene sequencing machine. It’s a hell of a procedures that involved several parts that most of the time done in 3-4 days so tomorrow might be the last day where we have to analyze the result, it’s a hands-on workshop.

Today we have to done some troubleshoot to the machine which delayed our process by 3-4 hours, for such reason I’m currently on my walk to home at this hour.

This walk became reflective as I took on the train that headed to the area of my home then I continued to walk home from the station. At the station ppl are piling up, most of them has the same destination as me, home.

Well the train that headed to the opposite direction of my home are full. Saying that it was full feels like an understatement actually, it stocked.

Watching all the people that went home from such a long day at work, wondering what are they dealing with at work, and yet have to piled up, stocked in a car train with yet another people that just have the same routine with them.

Going to work early in the morning leaving as the sun has settled both in a very stocked car train.

That kinda thing always got me thinking why do we do what we did. Philosophic shit, edgy af.

But why tho.

Well for some ppl who doesn’t really have a choice it’s a must. An obligation indeed.

But why do we do what we did?

We work so that we could have money to pay for food, rent and other bills. But is it the answer tho?

For some, sure it might be the answer.

I feel like I need an explanation for myself from my own, why I do what I did.

The question also came to me because I was thinking of my spv/managers that really gave a lot to what they were doing while they could actually be somewhere having crazy stuff yet they’re working for the sake of what?

It just confusing for me how someone decided to spent their time on work as if it was a prize for this life, dedicate their time to work on such matter that matters to them. I feel like I lacked that.

I also feel like the question came from watching some of my friends who started a business/startup. How they were very dedicated to their business etc, got me thinking are they doing it for the profits? While knowing very well they have a noble cause behind the business. Or maybe they just capitalized such noble cause.

This post is just me blabbering as I can really find an answer to such silly question why I do what I did. Did I do it cause I want to stay alive? But for what reason if at the end all the living will experience death? Why prolong the inevitable? What’s the point of doing what I did?

Why did this technician have to wait for us to finish the workshop and next week she have to fly to other city to did basically the same? Is it for the pay? Are we reduced to what we’re doing or how much it pays? What are we even.

I feel lost. I don’t know why I do what I did tho. I could surely gave an answer like, “Well I have to do this so I could get pay, or else I don’t have a job” or something like “I want to buy the newly released game for that I need money” or something more general like, “I have needs that could only be fulfilled by transaction that requires me to have money..” etc etc.

But still, I don’t feel like living with such answer. Why some privileged ppl that could have just stay at home and doesn’t have to worry about money still went to work and done some research? Was it for the fun? The thrill? The excitement of learning something? Was it for the cause?

Why do we do what we did? We we have such instinct or necessity to stay alive?

Anyway, here’s a cat I met on my walk from work.

Jakarta, 23 November 2022

[cutenessinanutshell]

Today I sat at the table with my mom and we were talking about her will when out of nowhere I said… “I just don’t understand… why didn’t he want to marry me???”

And I was reminded of the one idea that has proven to be true about men in today’s world. If he wanted to, he would.

Something I had been saying and something I had understood about my boyfriend of ten years was that he was always a person who did things if he wanted to, and didn’t, if he didn’t. He has always been that way. And it’s not really his fault. He was raised that way. He was raised on free will and that’s honestly a beautiful way of teaching your child to do what’s best for them. They make conscious choices and learn to live with those choices and I think there’s something to be said about that ideology. He was never forced to do extra curriculars unless he wanted to do them, and one day he grew up and adopted the same ideology. “I would never force my partner to do something they didn’t want to do.” Because that would form resentment. And it did.

My boyfriend didn’t do things if he didn’t absolutely want to, or if he knew he would end up feeling bad about it later. Right down to the straw that finally broke the camels back. The dishwasher broke. I’m feeling nauseated. Mom needs the car. I have to get up early. My mom has people, I don’t need your family’s help. But my family could look past it all and so could I. We’d accepted that he was the person that if he didn’t want to, he wouldn’t. But it was the real commitment that did us in. The disrespect for the fact that we had RSVP’d after asking him if he’d come… and then didn’t try hard enough to explore other options. Because there were no other options in his brain, it was what it was. Because he didn’t really want to anyway. And so he enjoyed his evening with his friends. He got up late and waited for my mom to text him, two hours before we had to leave. But his mom needed the car? If his mom needed the car, why would he be hanging out downtown? Does his mom not need the car first thing in the morning??? Regardless, he didn’t really want to. And so our relationship took an irreparable hit. It’s not as if it were a dinner to bail on. This was a prepaid wedding and it’s straight up disrespectful. But imagine knowing you’re gonna bail… and then not saying a god damn thing until 2 hours before you’re supposed to leave, and only because my mom was the one who reached out first? Af least if you knew you were gonna bail you could’ve done it first thing in the morning. Or did he know that had he done that, that my mom would’ve found a way for him to come? And then he may have complained about a headache at the wedding? Or maybe he didnt say anything because he was relying on me to tell my parents whatever lie he was gonna tell them. But he didn’t even give an excuse? He said sorry and then nothing else. My mom asked me “did you know he was going to do this?” And I felt backed into a corner as I said “no.” It wasn’t me that was owed the apology. It was my mom and my dad, who’s close friends daughter was getting married. Who will one day show up to my wedding, and whose mother will absolutely be running around, trying to find me the prettiest jewellery to wear on my ears. I’m not close with them anymore but I know that she’d still be at my door the second anything happened to my parents, bringing me food and running around if if I physically couldn’t. That’s why we do what we do in my family.

I asked my mom… but what is it about me that he didn’t want to marry??? Did he think I was just a loser who doesn’t really know how to stand on her own??? If it’s true, that if he wanted to, he would, why didn’t he want to??? Because he didn’t want to. He told me, and he told my family. What was it about me that after ten years, he didn’t want to? I just don’t understand. If what we know has been true, and has proven time and time again, that if he doesn’t want to do something he wouldn’t, then what was the reason he didn’t?

I had to ask myself a million times over the last two weeks how it happened because truly, I was not expecting it to happen as it did and when it did. And if it was the fact that it had been ten years and he still didn’t know. My cousins all thought he was going to ask me in Amsterdam. My aunts asked my mom if I was coming back engaged. Could I not have waited three more years? After all, my friends have been with their partners for 14 years and still are not married, surely if they wanted to they would, wouldn’t they? But they have their lives together. They bought their house together, they’ve gone to look at rings together, they have shared bank accounts, it’s more than what I’ve ever had. They have similar family dynamics. So maybe it’s not the time. Maybe truly, it was the disappointment of not showing up, when it wasn’t about me, but for my family. It was the confirmation, that if he truly truly wanted to, he would’ve. And he didn’t. And that would be my life forever. And there was nothing I could do, so far in, that would change that. He was raised this way, and that is who he is. So yes maybe it was the disrespect and the disappointment, but in between it all, there were always cracks in who we are as people. We loved each other, but we came from two different worlds and two different up bringings, that brought different values… maybe the disappointment becomes less and less and the fundamental differences in our value has always been the cracks in our relationship.

It’s tragic.

[ollieoliver910]

Under Night In Birth 2: Sys Celes is a DEAD GAME (My Last Post On The State Of UNI2)

I don't even know where to start with this. I feel like this is the third time I had to address my issues with the sequel. A few months back, I had made multiple different attempts to learn and play the damn game. I even went to discord, which in the end without going into detail, did not get me to enjoy the game either.

I gave it my best shot. I listened to the fans who said there is, in fact, a way to play with other people online (I play on the PS5, not PC cause I don't enjoy it)...but it's been six months since UNI2's release and I'm done being nice. The gloves are officially coming off.

I don't usually come off this harsh towards a video game unless I REALLY have something to say. So if you don't want to listen to me critique and/or bash UNI2 and how it was handled, scroll away, but to me. UNI2 is not only one of the worst sequels ever made. It is also, to me, the worst fighting game I have ever played, period. The gameplay is the ONLY saving grace. It's just too bad that network mode literally has a total of 0 people online to learn it! And before anyone asks. Some people have messaged me and said 'well, why don't you get friends to play with you?" Some people are unfortunately not lucky enough to have friends, or friends with the same interests as other people. When I go online every other night to play BBTAG, that is my escape from reality. It is a game I can feel good playing so that I can forget about my troubles for a couple of hours. Even though there are people who will say "Well, back in the 80s, 90s, and early 2000s, you HAD to find someone to play fighting games with in real life."

Those days are OVER.

Having an online system with a big pool of people in your fighting game should be THE STANDARD. It's one thing if your franchise isn't the type of genre or type of game (like a single player game) that would incorporate an online mode. Fighting games are different. They should ALWAYS have an online mode for people who still want to play and can't find friends to play with. That will be my piece on this subject. Now I want to go into why Under Night In Birth 2: Sys Celes fails on every level.

It is Monday after all (or it was Monday, I had to stop writing half way through) and THIS was the face I made when I realized this game was DEAD AF.

The Character Art

OK, I want to start off with probably the most controversial thing that I cannot prove, but is just speculation, and that's the artwork. I found this out quite recently, but the artist who worked on the first UNI game, Seiichi Yoshihara, is the SAME artist for UNI2. I don't know if the guy posts artwork on a different site in Japan just so I can see if anythings changed, but to me. There is no way someone who had that much style and talent when creating the original designs would forget basic anatomy or facial structure for UNI's sequel. I need to see different artwork from him outside of UNI to really confirm my fears, but the speculation part of this is, unfortunately, I think the guy was rushed and it shows in the art he put out.

I'm not the one that usually says "toxic work environment" when it comes to extremely daunting tasks for a single person with a strict deadline...but man does this feel like it. I just don't think this artist would pump out something mediocre and be ok with it. I would like to believe he clearly trained and practiced his art style already for many years before UNI. Again, I cannot prove this so please take what I say with a gain of salt, but all the signs are there and if it turns out to be true? It was in no way Seiichi Yoshihara's fault and the blame should be shifted towards whoever heads French Bread or ArcSystems. Since we don't know the full story of how UNI2 got developed, it's hard to really point fingers at the right person at the moment until someone speaks up, but if I had to guess. I wouldn't be surprised if ArcSystems was the main contributing factor. I don't believe that the people at French Bread would what to put out a bad game either...but it happened. Until we learn more about UNI2's development, this is really all I can say on the matter when it comes to the artwork.

I'm not going to pick apart the character designs again as doing so would take an hour to really digest it all, but if you know, you know. It's not good, like at all.

Ok, thank you for making it this far. Here's a picture of a dog licking an ice cream cone.

Marketing and Lead Up To UNI2's Launch

What marketing? Welp, that pretty much sums it up. No, but in all seriousness. One of French Breads biggest mistake before the trailer was even shown was that UNI2 was rumored to be a "sequel," when it really isn't. The only reason why it was given the title "UNI2" was due to the arcade mode which was very sloppily put together with no rewarding pay off...that's it. Take that away and UNI2 is literally a copy/paste of the original except everything got downgraded and I mean EVERYTHING. I will talk more about that in a moment, but calling UNI2 a sequel immediately set high expectations for the game that were NEVER going to be there. I fell for this trap myself.

French Bread had several years to work on it. Why couldn't they make new sprites? Or give the same sprites they already had a new coat of paint? Something, anything at all! To imply that your game is a "sequel," to me, by definition would mean French Bread would take the time to create something new from the ground up and upgrade everything. If Devil May Cry 2 copy and pasted all the same mechanics, boss fights, castle areas, and items from the first game EXACTLY how they were with very little changes at all. That game would more than likely be considered a port with very minor tweaks to it, not a sequel. This use of the word "sequel" for UNI2 set up French Bread to fail right from the gate.

So when the first trailer dropped and I saw the artwork. I pretty much knew exactly what kind of game we were going to get. It would be one thing if there was ANY kind of marketing for UNI2 at all...but there wasn't. You can argue that as long as the game is still fun, which it is, you can forgot about all the other things that make it bad...but you have to have a sizable player base to play the damn game! For the time I was on Twitter, I don't even think there was any promotional material at all for UNI2. If I remember right, French Bread doesn't even have a twitter account, and if they do. Everything that was posted about the game completely went under the radar, and due to that. Most casuals who liked playing fighting games didn't know about it's existence. The only people who were following it closely are fans that were already playing BBTAG or UNICLR hoping that, maybe, UNI2 will be "the underdog that changes the fighting game community forever..." There have been many videos of people claiming that on YouTube before the damn thing even dropped. Fans who have already been playing UNICLR for years flocked to their cameras to say that "UNI2 will change everything!." No, it hasn't, and the lack of any growth in the player base for the past several years is my proof.

Point is, when the game dropped in January. There were SOME new players giving it a shot, and the people who wanted to learn it got bullied by the veterans who have already been playing UNI for YEARS! UNI2 needed to market it's game heavily towards new fans so that casuals could learn and fight other casuals instead of being forced into a match with a veteran. This lack of marketing is why UNI2 is now forever stagnant. It will never grow a player base so that beginners can learn how to play along side each other, and even outside of that. People should be able to experiment and mess around with a fighting game without thinking their livelihood is on the line. Fans of fighting games can still have fun with them without taking every match so seriously, and if these new players later on want to expand their knowledge? Let them, don't force them! Forcing players to become better overnight will drive any players who are interested left far, far away. That's the point I am trying to make.

The marketing and the lack of new players to fight is ultimately what doomed this game from the start, and to make matters worse, there isn't really anything "sequel" worthy about UNI2 other then the terrible, terrible endings for many of them (with Gordeau's. Wagner's and Merkavas being some of the exceptions to that rule.) Speaking of which, we should probably move on to those terrible things, huh?

I don't know. I wanted a picture of a gerbil. Here it is! Cute huh?

Alright, now onto--

EVERYTHING ELSE

UNI2 is seriously, SERIOUSLY the definition of a copy/paste sequel with one or two exceptions. The artwork and UI (which is complete and utter trash) and the one or two new moves a character would get. The majority of them either falling into good, meh, bad, or why do I need another spacing tool category. Yes, I'm talking to you Hyde. I think a counter would have benefited him better then another red energy blast of some sort to which Hyde already has several...

Anyways, outside of the "new stuff" and the gameplay, everything is worse. EVERYTHING IS WORSE! How the hell do you do that when UNICLR has already been established???

Let's start with the opening when you boot up UNI2. Who decided that a somber song would hype people up for a fighting game? UNICLRs opening theme was already perfect! Why change it if you know the new one you're putting out is going to be worse by comparison!

That's literally my motto for this game. "Why change it," when what you had in UNICLR was already close to perfect.

All the songs that you love from UNICLR and BBTAG are gone, GONE! UNICLR's opening theme? Not present! Gather under the night? GONE! Overwhelmingly Despair? Hilda's theme? One of the few banger songs in UNICLR that was aloud to how a choir? Rip that shit out and give her a somber, toned down version! Yeah, that will show her! Like...I don't...I don't understand who makes these decisions...

Another glaring issue is the lack of things to buy in this game. After a handful of matches, you will have so much money that literally, like a character from SpongeBob once said, "You won't know what to do with it!" This is mostly because the majority of the alternate colors for every character are already unlocked. Plus, despite that, there is no reason to ever buy these skins because you can customize the sprites colors yourself! Though I do like that I can do this, I particularly hate--

A.) That the the sprites colors are split into sections of the character, meaning you don't have complete control over what the characters look like and--

B.) The lack of colors! There should be a grid somewhere so that you can choose any color you want and this mechanic is not present at all! And even if it was, things like not being able to change ONLY the color of Gordeau's belt because it's color is tied to what his pants color is just fricken frustrates me. I feel like I should be able to customize the colors of the characters accessories alone and I just can't. Same with weapon colors...where's my option for that? If I want Insulator to have a dumb looking green color while Hyde is still set to his default skin, I should be able to!

Since UNI2 decided to make the alts free essentially. All that money (or IP, in think, in this game) will be spent on 5-10+ year old artwork that we have already seen in UNICLR. The only things worth buying in this game are the customization options for your online profile...but even THAT was downgraded! I missed the profile backgrounds where the characters were laying on there sides in UNICLR and I thought we would get more stuff like that here...NOPE! Every profile background and boarder is basic AF. I wish there were more options, like in BBTAG, to put your favorite characters on your profile and it's just not here in any form. Welp, there goes any hope of spending my money.

You know, and I hate to say it. Since UNI2 for a lot of people is very dependent on sex appeal. Why couldn't they just make alts where the characters are in swimsuits? Make that the most expensive thing to buy, at least then the IP would have some purpose! Ik, ik, "they can't for many of them because they would have to change the sprite," but the reason why I suggest this is because if creating new cloths for these characters is too hard and time consuming. Maybe it would have been easier for French Bread to remove sections of the sprites and just add a bathing suit instead. It would at least be SOMETHING, but we weren't aloud to get something. We got nothing most of the time and it shows with how little there is to buy in this game.

Arcade mode...god I don't even know where to start.

I have not viewed all of them, but the ones I saw, especially when it came to the night blade group were very, very bad. There were things important to Hyde's character development (specifically him promising Linne to kill her) that were never followed through with and that contributed to not only Hydes bad ending...but his MULTIPLE bad endings (yes, he has several.) What I mean by this is while Gordeau has a solid conclusion with one canon ending, Hyde has at least four of five different endings (depending on the character you play) and to me. That is just a complete and utter copout. If we need to be technical about it, I would guess that Hyde's arcade mode is the cannon ending...but because Linne is present at the end during the other characters stories. It makes me think that French Bread wanted to leave the conclusion to Hydes story open ended...in the last game in the series...probably...

Side note, I also really hate that most of Hydes friends just sort of ditch him in his arcade mode. This is something that sort of bothered me in UNICLR where he and his friends are either forced to fight or they leave him in the dirt because "it is the only way." I just never felt like Hyde's friendships were genuine (other than maybe Orie, but we don't see enough of them interacting.) It's the same problem I have with Gordeau and Hilda where in UNICLR, Gordeau pretty much swore off to being friends with her at the end of his arcade mode. In UNI2? For SOME REASON there buddy buddies again and THAT really bothers me. Especially with what happened to Rodger and how his death effected Gord throughout the series.

But yeah, most of the endings feel like either huge copouts or let downs. Orie doesn't even speak in her ending! (The last section of her arcade mode I mean) To me, it's the little things that really add up to make UNI2 a bad game.

The last thing I will say that really pisses me off is how network mode is handled. Say what you will about BBTAG, but I think ArcSystems nailed how the lobbies should work. The only things I wished they added eventually was a spectate mode or a way to turn your tag, (and your name if you want), off so that you can fight people who are your rank without the fear of losing your tag color. There are some other nitpicks, but I liked choosing avatars and talking with other people online.

UNI2 needed something like this, and I know, I understand. They might not of had the money or time (the time thing is what I'm most curious about because the rumors say UNI2 has been in development for a couple of years). However, I still stand by that aesthetically and maybe even gameplay wise. Network mode needed to change or have a complete overhaul. This might be a me thing, but it does bother me and is something I felt needed an upgrade...if it was done right which, unfortunately, I fear that it wouldn't have been.

(My reaction to working on this long, dumb ass essay for two days.)

I will end my final statement on UNI2 by saying this. The one thing as a writer that pisses me off more than anything else is seeing the potential for game to grow and become something more....but the passion to do so from it's creators is never fully there. That itch to expand your world, to develop your characters, to try to advocate for the game you put years and years into hoping it will be the next big thing...and in the end, French Bread fumbled over the finish line, hard.

UNI2 was ripe for an anime adaptation, or a manga, or SOMETHING the would get it's name out there more because trust me. I saw it's potential! I wanted it so badly to do well so that maybe, we could get more merchandise, or a spin off game, and anime, hell, even new stickers for my laptop would have bee cool!

When I am THIS critical of a game like UNI2. It's because I want so badly for it to succeed. I WANT it to be the next big thing because I adore every single character on the roster. Other than the lack of a player base, UNICLR had it all. In my opinion, if French Bread didn't have a lot of money to spend. They should have just updated or ported UNICLR to the PS5 and used the money they had to market the game and put, oh I don't know, cross console play into your online mode! Yeah, I am still extremely bothered by that and this is also a contributing factor as to why players can't find people to fight online.

This will be the last time I say anything about UNI2. It's dead, it's done, and I'm ready to move on. At this point, the only hope UNI2 has now is if in a year, or maybe relatively soon, they start promoting the game they created. Other than advertisements, the only thing that I can think of that would really give UNI2 an overhaul is if one of the Under Night characters were put into the next smash brothers game. I don't know why this is the first thing that comes to mind for me, but smash brothers helped gamers for many years become interested in other franchises, big or small. Honestly, if French Bread has no money to advertise their game. To me, putting one of their characters into smash brothers or another fighting game feels like there only play at this point. I doubt that this will ever happen, but if it did, I honest to god believe it would at least keep people interested in UNI2 for several years.

Anyways, that's it, I'm done.

I gonna go get an ice cream now I guess.