#always a bridesmaid

[stellarvoices00]

"𝔞𝔩𝔴𝔞𝔶𝔰 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔟𝔯𝔦𝔡𝔢𝔰𝔪𝔞𝔦𝔡, 𝔫𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔯 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔟𝔯𝔦𝔡𝔢"

[tani-b-art]

Jordan Calloway in Always A Bridesmaid

[fictionaltrvlr]

I have made… something.

[cutenessinanutshell]

Today I sat at the table with my mom and we were talking about her will when out of nowhere I said… “I just don’t understand… why didn’t he want to marry me???”

And I was reminded of the one idea that has proven to be true about men in today’s world. If he wanted to, he would.

Something I had been saying and something I had understood about my boyfriend of ten years was that he was always a person who did things if he wanted to, and didn’t, if he didn’t. He has always been that way. And it’s not really his fault. He was raised that way. He was raised on free will and that’s honestly a beautiful way of teaching your child to do what’s best for them. They make conscious choices and learn to live with those choices and I think there’s something to be said about that ideology. He was never forced to do extra curriculars unless he wanted to do them, and one day he grew up and adopted the same ideology. “I would never force my partner to do something they didn’t want to do.” Because that would form resentment. And it did.

My boyfriend didn’t do things if he didn’t absolutely want to, or if he knew he would end up feeling bad about it later. Right down to the straw that finally broke the camels back. The dishwasher broke. I’m feeling nauseated. Mom needs the car. I have to get up early. My mom has people, I don’t need your family’s help. But my family could look past it all and so could I. We’d accepted that he was the person that if he didn’t want to, he wouldn’t. But it was the real commitment that did us in. The disrespect for the fact that we had RSVP’d after asking him if he’d come… and then didn’t try hard enough to explore other options. Because there were no other options in his brain, it was what it was. Because he didn’t really want to anyway. And so he enjoyed his evening with his friends. He got up late and waited for my mom to text him, two hours before we had to leave. But his mom needed the car? If his mom needed the car, why would he be hanging out downtown? Does his mom not need the car first thing in the morning??? Regardless, he didn’t really want to. And so our relationship took an irreparable hit. It’s not as if it were a dinner to bail on. This was a prepaid wedding and it’s straight up disrespectful. But imagine knowing you’re gonna bail… and then not saying a god damn thing until 2 hours before you’re supposed to leave, and only because my mom was the one who reached out first? Af least if you knew you were gonna bail you could’ve done it first thing in the morning. Or did he know that had he done that, that my mom would’ve found a way for him to come? And then he may have complained about a headache at the wedding? Or maybe he didnt say anything because he was relying on me to tell my parents whatever lie he was gonna tell them. But he didn’t even give an excuse? He said sorry and then nothing else. My mom asked me “did you know he was going to do this?” And I felt backed into a corner as I said “no.” It wasn’t me that was owed the apology. It was my mom and my dad, who’s close friends daughter was getting married. Who will one day show up to my wedding, and whose mother will absolutely be running around, trying to find me the prettiest jewellery to wear on my ears. I’m not close with them anymore but I know that she’d still be at my door the second anything happened to my parents, bringing me food and running around if if I physically couldn’t. That’s why we do what we do in my family.

I asked my mom… but what is it about me that he didn’t want to marry??? Did he think I was just a loser who doesn’t really know how to stand on her own??? If it’s true, that if he wanted to, he would, why didn’t he want to??? Because he didn’t want to. He told me, and he told my family. What was it about me that after ten years, he didn’t want to? I just don’t understand. If what we know has been true, and has proven time and time again, that if he doesn’t want to do something he wouldn’t, then what was the reason he didn’t?

I had to ask myself a million times over the last two weeks how it happened because truly, I was not expecting it to happen as it did and when it did. And if it was the fact that it had been ten years and he still didn’t know. My cousins all thought he was going to ask me in Amsterdam. My aunts asked my mom if I was coming back engaged. Could I not have waited three more years? After all, my friends have been with their partners for 14 years and still are not married, surely if they wanted to they would, wouldn’t they? But they have their lives together. They bought their house together, they’ve gone to look at rings together, they have shared bank accounts, it’s more than what I’ve ever had. They have similar family dynamics. So maybe it’s not the time. Maybe truly, it was the disappointment of not showing up, when it wasn’t about me, but for my family. It was the confirmation, that if he truly truly wanted to, he would’ve. And he didn’t. And that would be my life forever. And there was nothing I could do, so far in, that would change that. He was raised this way, and that is who he is. So yes maybe it was the disrespect and the disappointment, but in between it all, there were always cracks in who we are as people. We loved each other, but we came from two different worlds and two different up bringings, that brought different values… maybe the disappointment becomes less and less and the fundamental differences in our value has always been the cracks in our relationship.

It’s tragic.

[30yearsadevilsminion]

My Comic Con Schedule

Thursday: looking at my badge sadly, wishing I was on my way.

Friday: wearing my badge to my first day of PD for my new district, tears running down my eyes.

Saturday (3:00): rolling on the ground, sobbing, because I'm not in the autograph line.

Saturday (5:00): weeping because I'm not in Ballroom 20

Sunday: I don't know. Frantically searching online for news of what happened or vlogs or something.

Hopefully, I can go next year.

[musical-theatre-encyclopedia]

Watch "Cantata Reprise / Always A Bridesmaid" on YouTube

❤💛💚💙💜😍😘😻💖💕Valentine's Day Playlist😽💝🌹😙💋💌💓💞💘😚

[corallapis]

<3<3<3

[cringefaecompilation]

me externally: imogearne good

me internally: fearne is terrified of anyone letting go of her in all her relationships. she deeply desires some sort of bond with them that will make them stay. she deeply cared for and still does care for chetney and bonded with him over his lycanthropy and was upset when he completely stopped pursuing her after they banged. while she does have feelings for ashton and now a solid bond with them because of their shards, she's convinced herself that ashton deserves better than her or would be miserable with her because she almost got him killed and he said he deserved to die. she is scared of using her shard power and they are not which further splits the rift. so she tries desperately to bond with imogen over their shared ruidusborn powers more and more blatantly even though she knows imogen loves laudna and wants them to be happy because they are her friends. even so, she also deeply loves imogen and hopes that she could be enough for her and that she won't leave like everyone else. and maybe if they're both ruidusborn it'll be worth it to stay with her. imogearne good.

[cancerian-woman]

in a show about romance and more Bonnie really never once mentioned the word “engaged” or anything related to that

[sugarcoated-lame]

This is Always A Bridesmaid Jake btw

gif by @oliviaisarodrigo 🧡

[rosetta-j-stone]

[sunrisespeedway]

The Magician - Pato O’Ward

Upright, the Magician can represent resourcefulness, willpower, skill, and determination. Reversed, it can mean manipulation, untapped talents, and deceit.

I like Pato as this card because he is all of the things it represents when upright, but is sometimes considered an untapped talent. He’s got a tendency to always be second best, or as my mom puts it, he’s always the bridesmaid, and never the bride.

I’m not sure what the next card will be, perhaps the Sun or Temperance. We’ll see.

[snakesandstone]

Genuinely adore this picture. Look at loki. Her little shit-eating grin. Her fucking limp wrist. She's having the time of her life.

[kitchenaidmixer02]

fuck it. it’s Halloween somewhere. I’m so impatient

happy halloween guys

[fortunaestalta]

[spockvarietyhour]

How's the wedding, Atia, not very good it seems