#why curating your own online space is important | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

chuplayswithfire · 1 year ago

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Nuance is something that can be soooo hard for online spaces to hold onto. Hell, offline spaces too, for that matter. Today I'm thinking about kink and the concept of kinkshaming, when I think about nuance: that people should be allowed to enjoy and engage with kink, especially in fictional and fandom spaces where even bad kink etiquette can't actually harm anyone should be a given. Personally, as long as someone is tagging correctly and creating with self awareness, anything goes in a fictional space, you do you, your content deserves to exist online. I have personally created a variety of kinky works, both publicly available and not, and would really not have a leg to stand on trying to declare otherwise. In a time where people are cracking down heavily on kink and trying to decry it as deviance that shouldn't exist, being kink positive can be a very important, good thing.

At the same time though, the people have squicks, and when it comes to kink and a good culture towards sex in general, people have to be allowed to have squicks. If anyone's hearing the term for the first time, a squick is essentially a concept that just grosses you right out, you do not want to see it, you do not want to learn more, maybe it even distresses you to see it, but not to the extent that you would consider ot triggering content. A couple of common tend to bodily excrement: piss and shit, alongside guro (extensive bodily mutilation combined with sexual imagery). A squick doesn't have to be extreme, it doesn't have to be unusual, it's just something that grosses an individual out, and they don't want to see it. (And because this is tumblr and it must be said: no, racism is not a squick.)

Sometimes, we lean so heavily into the negative that we refuse to allow positivity. Sometimes, we get so into positivity, that we refuse to acknowledge negatives. People are allowed to talk about their squicks. If people see something that grosses them out, they don't have to shut up about it just because it's someone else's kink. Kinkshaming, the idea that someone would go up to someone else and tell them they're gross for their kink, is something people shouldn't do in general. But expressing disgust and distaste for a kink in general isn't kinkshaming - that's just talking about your squick.

Your Kink Is Not My Kink And That's Okay is about not hating on other people or demanding their works not exist because you hate the kink, not pretending that you find every kink, fetish, or sexual concept totally wonderful and would never react with disgust towards one. This idea in fandom that if you don't like something you should never say anything publicly because what if someone does like that thing, and is upset that you publicly don't like that thing, is ridiculous, and it has been for a while. Negative emotions have a place in fandom, especially in regard to sexual content. You shouldn't harass people who share a kink (especially when their content is tagged this is why everyone should read the tags) - but you also shouldn't go around saying people aren't allowed to use their own online space to process their disgust.

I've been seeing a lot of people lately saying anyone discussing how much they dislike a kink concept is just a kinkshamer, an anti, the purity police, and it's getting beyond ridiculous. We have the right to engage in kink, to write about kink, to make kinky art, create audio for it, and to in general delight in all kinds of kinky works. We also have the responsibility to make sure we're tagging correctly. Others have the right to dislike kink, including our own kinks, and to talk about how much they dislike those kinks. They have the responsibility to make sure they're curating correctly, that they're reading the tags and warnings on a work, and that they work out their negative responses in their own space.

Multiple things can be true: kink is a great way to explore sexuality and desire and a wide range of topics. people deserve to share their interest in kink without harassment or being belittled. one person's joy can be another person's squick. people deserve to share their squick without harassment or being belittled.

#been seeing some annoying kink discourse for a WHILE #the fact that purity police are always trying to go after kink has made some people have this #calcified response of if you don't react to every kink with interest or neutral respect then you're kinkshaming and an anti #if we want to bring back the useage of terms like squick you have to accept that people will also openly talk about their squicks #and in much less than positive terms #and that's fine!#fandom dicosurse #Even if actually this goes beyond fandom because I definitely see some people being annoying like this in real life too #the number of people I have known who are snide and dismissive towards anyone who's having what they see as vanilla sex #the number of people I have known react with visceral disgust if someone's having anything but so called vanilla sex #We have to move away from this idea that you can only talk about things in neutral or positive tones #being negative about something is perfectly fine as long as you are respectful towards others

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frannyzooey · 1 year ago

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Hi Kelli! Tumblr errored out while I was sending this the first time so I think it didn’t go through but if you did in fact already get this feel free to ignore the duplicate! (Damn you, tumblr)

I really appreciated reading your thoughts on age gap a little while ago and had a follow up question for you. What are your thoughts on the idea I see circulating sometimes that age gap fics are alienating to folks who don’t want to read them or feel like they can’t identify with it? I never see myself as “reader” personally, but I know some folks do and would never want to perpetuate a problem or make anyone’s experience in fandom less cozy or welcoming. It’s definitely something that makes me nervous to post any of my writing (even the majority non-age gap stuff) especially in the Pedro fandom space, and I know the argument that everyone curates their own space and can choose not to read something probably applies here, but it still makes me hesitate.

I did not get this ask the first time! *shakes fist at tumblr*

FYI: the other ask, for reference ❤

So, I have not come across this particular sentiment but I have seen my fair share of hate on age gap for various reasons, and I wanna touch on a couple things in this ask because you are being so brilliantly vulnerable sending it in ❤

First off: the main thing I write is age gap: Weeknights, In the Dark, The Secret, Dave/Nanny, Dave/Intern, SDLN. Now let me tell you something else: I am 38 years old.

You would think that I wouldn't be able to identify myself in those stories because of my age: I'm not in college, I'm not in my 20's, I'm not some young, pretty thing. I also don't want to envision myself as a younger person, I also have nothing against aging and it's not because I secretly loathe older women.

It's the dynamic.

In truth, I find them soothing/cathartic to write about/read because they describe something that was missing for me at not only that age, but to some extent now as well: care.

To read about a situation in which an older person cares for and desires the younger one: that is something I seek out because I like it. I'm soothed by it, it's my favorite daydream, it's a situation that I have always been drawn to. I have always been attracted to someone experienced in the ways of the world taking care of me, in whatever form that takes shape in.

Will everyone in the fandom find it soothing? No. In fact, some might be triggered by it, or have their own life experiences that tell them it's inherently wrong, or like you stated above, for whatever reason they just don't identify with the desire to read about it.

However - I do. I'm not everyone, and I get that, but I write (and consume) for me, and for (hopefully) others who are like me to enjoy.

The act of sharing your work is a very vulnerable thing, and to pair that with posts about how some people will never be able to identify with the things you want to write about in a very shame filled manner of speech makes it even more scary, and I get that.

I really do, I've felt it and it’s a hard thing to have to see and feel.

However, in order to post online in any fandom, you sort of just have to say "self, this is important to me, so fuck it."

They can read it, or they can not: that's up to them. If they don't identify with it, then they can go seek out other media that they do identify with. If they don't like it, that's not on you. There are plenty of stories in which I don't identify with the reader for various reasons, but I either enjoy the fics for different aspects of the story, or I scroll on by.

I have a lot of opinions/theories on why people make posts like that but I won't bore you - at the end of the day, you create the content you want to consume, and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it. ❤

#age gap ask #if you want to chat about this more #DM me!#I’m very passionate about it lol

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stonebutchery · 7 months ago

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i think we need to have a conversation about dysphoria and triggers again as a trans community (particularly the younger-than-25 crowd) because i think it's actually a little worrying how many trans people say they're triggered by the mere mention of trans pregnancy, by masculine features, by breasts or by flat chests, by certain body types, and other unchangeable parts of the varied trans existence. whatever you do online for yourself and for your own peace of mind is your business. but you can't be telling trans people you're triggered by their 'non passing' features or bodily choices because they make you personally uncomfortable. you need to deal with that, privately, on your own.

as someone who worked for a while with an advocacy program for rape survivors, something that came up, even with trans clients, was "i'm triggered by men and masculine features" or, also troublesome, "i'm triggered by men of a specific race." this is something we infrequently (but frequently enough to warrant writing up an entire protocol on referrals to specific in-network therapists) had to discuss with clients because, as an advocacy program that advocated for everyone who came to us for help, i can't ban 'men' from the waiting room. it would be a violation of their rights if we were to accommodate someone's desire for comfort, a desire that comes from the fact that they are 'triggered by men'. we could move someone who is 'triggered by men' to another room if another room were available but, ultimately, it's going to be beneficial for that person to deal with their trigger. because it's just not acceptable when a client comes into the office and accuses a trans woman in the waiting room of being a predator because "[she] looks like a man, i'm triggered by men, i was assaulted by a man," nor is it acceptable when a transmasculine client says he wants the cis man in the lobby to leave because he's triggered by the presence of a cis man, also as the survivor of violence by a cis male perpetrator (both of these examples coming from my experiences as an advocate). both of those people these clients pointed a finger at were fellow sexual violence survivors seeking resources, only to be accused of being perpetrators for sitting in a waiting room to seek those resources, made to feel humiliated by other survivors in a space that's supposed to be fucking safe for them.

whether they've carried a fetus to term or gotten an abortion, i've also known several pregnant trans people. in the christofascist west, pregnant people have historically been banished to the confines of their homes. there's a reason why the united states and other western countries have (sometimes tenuous-at-best) laws prohibiting the discrimination against workers who are pregnant or become pregnant. trans pregnancy is already incredibly stigmatized and censored. outside of, like, online kink-related or fetish-related content pertaining to impregnation or pregnancy where people are well within their right to curate what they see and engage with, i find it especially disappointing when all mention of pregnancy, sometimes specifically singled-out trans pregnancy, is requested to be censored, and to once again banish the mere acknowledgement of the existence of pregnant people, especially pregnant trans people and trans parents who have biological children, to the out-of-sight, out-of-mind nowhere-land. like they don’t exist and don’t deserve recognition or acknowledgement.

and yes, i am actually very well aware that there are countries with bans in places which carry criminal penalties for abortion. i happen to live in one. the fact that there are trans people who want to be parents and who want to have biological kids is just as important to me as all of the trans people who deserve safe and legal abortions whenever they want, for any reason. censoring and silencing trans people for talking about being pregnant, in any context, and requesting censorship of trans pregnancy, including the acknowledgement and de-stigmatization of trans pregnancy and trans abortion-seeking... because it makes some trans people dysphoric...? i'm sorry but you're kind of getting in your own way. and if you end up making it random pregnant trans peoples’ problem, you are then doing harm. this is one of those cases where censoring the object of your trigger is not going to end up being conducive to healing and growth. and it risks substantially harming others.

"my body, my choice" is not just empty words in a slogan. someone else’s autonomous bodily decisions do not concern you. at all. other people are not fucking responsible for your dysphoria or the reactions you are having to their body; their bodily autonomy, their autonomous bodily choices, literally just existing. i think you should challenge yourself to dig deep and ask how and why someone else's completely benign existence triggers you.

i am not responsible for my existence ‘causing you dysphoria’. that is your problem. you deal with that.

you may get triggered but how you choose to respond and react is something to work on because your reactions can be harmful.

#this is indirectly related to a conversation i had recently but want to assure anyone reading that this is not like #this isn't a vaguepost about any people or individuals in particular #it's just something i was reminded of today because it's actually happened to me multiple times #and to my transfem friends as well many times

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northern-passage · 2 years ago

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honestly same...I also only stick to reading the same ifs I've been reading since like 2 years ago + as a disabled lgbt person this community has gotten to toxic to interact wth tbh

hmmm putting this under a read more but here's some ramblings about my personal experience as well as some advice if anyone wants it

before i started writing tnp, when i was just a reader, it was very easy to curate my space and avoid a lot of the nastier people (especially back when the forums were the main space for people to talk about IF. i didn't go on the forums at all) and i was very much outside of the fandom and followed only like one artist whose recommendations i started off with before finding more stuff on my own.

once i became an author though it is impossible to avoid certain groups of people and it's really hard to hold on to that comfortable space. over the last like 3 years now my audience has definitely changed and dwindled a lot due to my.... Big personality but before that i had to endure a lot of harassment, people stalking me, people harassing my friends just for being my friend, almost constant transphobia and racism, and even now i still have people that seem to just camp in my inbox waiting for any opportunity to try and hurt me/get a reaction out of me.

i've been pretty open about all of this stuff happening too which most people also don't like, though that seems to be pretty standard across any fandom when you try to talk about how bad they are. i'm never really surprised when other authors delete without any warning or they just slowly stop posting and never come back. it's definitely something i've wanted to do more than once and still think about sometimes. even now after finally seeming to find my "niche" and a more understanding audience, it's really hard and i struggle with finding inspiration and motivation because of how people have treated me.

unfortunately i think it's always been this way, it's the nature of sharing work online and especially with IF feeling so "collaborative" people really feel entitled to it. and i also see readers facing this same kind of harassment, too, so it's definitely not just an author problem.

my advice is to just block and ignore people as best you can and just stay in your own little bubble with your friends or at least people that you trust. if you're an author going through any of the things i mentioned then just know there are a lot of other authors that have had to go through it, too, and that you should also just block and ignore to the best of your ability. just because you're an author doesn't mean you have to tolerate it. i used to respond to a lot of messages which is why i feel that a lot of my harassment lasted for so long, because they thought it was "funny" to upset me, but the more you respond and give them attention the more they'll keep doing it. so just block anons and move on (i know i make it sound so simple. trust me i used to be really bad about it, now i try to take at least a day or two before responding and usually by that time i realize how stupid it is and i just delete it without any fanfare)

at the end of the day though it's your decision, and your well-being comes first before anything else. i say this to both authors and readers, there's no reason to force yourself to stay in a place that makes you uncomfortable or is triggering. sometimes it's better to just let go and move on, though i know that's easier said than done. i'm a prime example as someone who still logs into tumblr daily despite trying really hard not to do that.

and i'm not saying to give up on your work, but rather that writing privately is always an option, and it's what i've been doing now with my other projects ever since i took siren's call down. i know the desire for outside validation can be overwhelming but i think it's important to remember that you should be writing this for yourself first and that there's no harm in keeping your work private until you're ready. tumblr is fun but there's also a lot of problems that can be difficult to deal with while you're also trying to keep motivation and creativity up to write your story, and it can be really discouraging.

like i said, your first priority should be yourself, and if you have to step back away from tumblr/fandom then you should & you shouldn't feel guilty about it.

all of that to say that there are nice people out there, too, i've made really good friends here and i really value their friendship and their understanding, especially when i was going through the worst of it. and there are a lot of readers who have been very kind to me and that have sent me very nice messages and drawn lovely art over the years and i always try to focus on that over everything else.

it can be really easy to get overwhelmed by all the negativity and hostility which is why it's so important to find your people and be supportive of each other.

#obviously negative discussion under the break #i might delete this later #the only thing i dont really have any advice for is the stalking. im still dealing with fallout from that #and i don't know if it's something that i'll ever be able to get over or really feel closure about #ask #anonymous

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hauntingofhouses · 10 months ago

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i think fandoms can be soooo ridiculous a lot of the time (see: all the nonsensical fan wars, discourse, etc) but i cannot understate how much i actually love fandoms.

like yeah it may be super nerdy and even cringe and outsiders look at it like "why tf do you care about these fictional characters so much?"

but 1) my field is literally..... literary studies..... in which all i do is study fiction and analyse it like an insane person, and 2) even if that WASN'T my field, thinking about the stories we consume is important even for any person to do, because thinking about stories exercises our brain to think critically!! why do you think our ancestors used stories as a medium to share knowledge, to propagate moral values and lessons? stories—telling them, thinking about what they're saying, and caring about the characters within them—are all inherent to the human experience!!!

so that brings me to fandom. because we are literally just making these little communities with each other based on our shared love for a particular story, and for a particular character or theme within them that resonated with us, or whatever. we're all here because we loved a thing so much that we built connections from it!!!

like yeah my irl friends laugh at me when i tell them i write fanfic, cuz ha ha what a nerd what a loser etc, but dude. i made genuine real friendships from fandom alone. from just obsessing over two characters we thought were cute together, we've gone to sending each other gifts and postcards and having voice calls and confiding in each other and sharing parts of us and our personal lives and our cultures (cuz we're all from different countries) with each other! like now i don't even share a fandom with most of my old fandom friends anymore but we still stick by each other and that's amazing???

also like, i cannot emphasise enough how amazing and encouraging it is to share your craft (art/writing/etc) with others in fandom. because for example if i make my own personal art or write my own original work, i'd have no one to share it to, no one interested to see it, and thus no one will be there to provide feedback or encouragement.

but if i post a piece of fan art or fanfic, people actually do see the work i post and care about the craft and the content it's depicting and even share their thoughts on it and that ??? is so motivating and lovely ??? because even though i make art for myself, art is still meant to be shared and seen at the end of the day—even if only with one person. so to be given the means of sharing our art in such a way, to have such a community that fosters so much creativity, it's amazing. i don't really get that anywhere else.

and especially to have this in like, a casual setting, you know, where you can just be yourself and do things according to your own time and energy without the pretenses of professionalism and a perfectly curated resume or portfolio, and all the confines of a rigid work schedule, which would all make the process of creation less fun and less genuine, and instead just more taxing and chore-like.

because fandom is essentially meant to be about doing what's fun for you! it's about sharing your creations and enjoying what others share with you. you make friends and you go ham with it.

and also it's why it's more frustrating when people take things too seriously and legitimately get upset over assumptions of other people's beliefs and hold the most minor grievances that could only be felt if you're like, chronically online.

but on that note, there are definitely still honest-to-god bad people in fandom spaces too (see: racists, TERFS, homophobes, groomers, harassers, etc). but that's the case with all communities, because bad people are always going to exist, and thus statistically speaking, the bigger a group or community is, higher chances are there's gonna be some awful people in there. but honestly that is its own can of worms and also that's not what this post is about, but i felt it necessary to address because i don't want to paint fandom as like, the best thing ever in the world, because fandom spaces are incredibly flawed, as everything is.

but i've always been one to appreciate things despite its flaws. and though this may be very personal to me, when i love things so much, i am still willing to stick around and try to change the culture around it in the ways that i can (like promoting internet safety measures, creating safe spaces for thoughtful and polite discussion, raising awareness on harmful stereotypes and fandom depictions or opinions, etc).

so regardless of the bullshit that online fandom spaces tend to perpetuate, i do very much still love the way that fandom allows me to connect with folks over something as silly as our little blorbos, and from there end up making life-long friends, or at the very least new acquaintances. insert reinforcement of my thesis statement about stories fostering human connection here. the end. send post.

#fandom #inspired by me feeling lots of love for my long-time fandom friends and enjoying making new ones since joining the BES fandom #like i still remember comments i got on my fanfic from years ago. telling me how much my work resonated with them?#talking about how much they cried reading my work? how much it touched them?#like to me that's insane. like i'm thrilled to even have one (1) person care about my work ykwim #bcs irl it's hard to find that kind of recognition? ppl hear like. “oh you write/draw? cool” and it's p much whatever #so yeah. fandom has always been v important to me like i met so many cool and awesome and nice ppl bcs of it #and though I've lost touch with a lot of the friends i've made i still think abt them a lot. they all mean smth to me still #lol joining a new fandom community is makin me feel nostalgic dont mind me!#shut up haydar #scribblings.txt

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tavyliasin · 8 months ago

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Navigating Fandom Online

Good timezone, darlings, we are out here again with another little fandom essay around what to expect online and how to curate your experiences in each of those spaces. Whilst I realise it may seem like this is could relate to a number of recent events, it is more that there even are recent events that spur me to thinking on this one, not aiming at any conversation, person, or situation at all.

Curating Your Online Fandom Experience - A Guide/Essay by TavyliaSin (And how to keep each other safe in fandom spaces) ((As well as what to do if we don't feel safe)) (((Also a little around what to expect in each space)))

So the following will be broken down by chapter headings and may discuss, in very vague terms, some heavier topics. So consider this a CW for fandom drama, discussion of what is in CWs and why, and generally an overview of things that many might find difficult to discuss~

What are Online Fandom Spaces and How Are They Different?

Tumblr is just one open online fandom website that many of us use to share and find content and connections with fellow fans. It's far from the only site/app though, and each has a different userbase, different rules, and often a different "vibe" to the space.

We all have limited time and energy, so really we need to choose which spaces are right for us to spend both of those on.

Because each space is unique with the userbase, rules, and tools we can use within them, I'm going to split the conversation by site rather than by topic from here. That might mean some things are repeated, but also makes it easier to see which relates to what site.

In general, our aims in these spaces should be to learn how to find the content we want to see more of, how to keep ourselves safe from potentially triggering content that we don't want to see, how to connect with people who will enhance our lives and experience, and how to handle content we don't want to see without exacerbating the issues or causing more problems along the way.

Tumblr

Let's start right here where we are! Now I'm going to be entirely honest, I still have little idea what I'm doing here, I'm making it up as I go along, but Tumblr is an important fandom space. Fans from certain countries may find Tumblr is one of the few options not blocked when places like Twitter and AO3 are not accessible from where they live. We have a wide userbase and a whole lot of content, so let's get started.

Curating Your Own Works and CWs on Tumblr Tumblr has the fun little "Keep Reading" marker which means you can put your CWs in the top part of the post and indicate that the content will be below the "keep reading" line. You can also use this with others' posts to know if the topic is one you want to read or not. If it isn't? You can scroll on by without seeing the potentially distressing content! For image and video posts there are also the options to mark the content as NSFW in nature too, which will keep it from your feeds.

You have the choice for all NSFW content to be shown, or for it to be blurred with a warning. This will also help you to curate what you see - if you're fine with NSFW content being out in the open you can leave it revealed, or you can keep the blurring and warning tags enabled to choose what you wish to see, or if you don't want to see any of it you can simply have them all hidden from your feeds.

Safety And Connecting With Other Fans The Ask Box can be a fun way to connect, especially with other creatives! Anonymously suggesting a creative idea can be more comfortable for people who aren't as confident having their identity linked to certain content, and opens up for writers and artists (and other creatives) to receive interesting prompts and inspiration for their works. Unfortunately, however, it can also be used in less kind ways. If you find your ask box is being sent anything unpleasant then unfortunately the options boil down to either ignoring/deleting anything unpleasant or turning it off completely in your options. Nobody should have to do the latter, but unfortunately there are times it may be necessary. Connecting to people whose content you like does seem to be a different world here compared to other sites. You can follow blogs you enjoy, and get alerts for their new content, but there's less of a culture of commenting here. I've personally found that directly commenting is a nicer and easier way to get to know the creators you want to talk to, and may lead to DMs or connecting on other socials off-site where you talk more. I adore that, so I certainly shan't be stopping any time soon, though if anyone does feel uncomfortable with comments on their works please do tell me. More often however we use reblogs and the tags on those are how we keep the conversation going, and we may find ourselves sharing similar circles that way.

Avoiding People And Content You Don't Like Tumblr allows a variety of content which is great for creatives to share what they're making, although this does mean there will be users who you don't get along with and content you don't want to see.

Tag Filters can also keep content off your feed. So, for example, if you don't want to see anything with a specific character or pairing you can put those tags into the filter and it'll keep them out. Similarly with content tags, and as long as people are properly tagging works like they should you can choose exactly what you do and don't want to see with the systems already in place! You can block individual blogs and users, hide them so they don't appear on your feed, but unfortunately there is always the chance that people can easily make new accounts and find their way back to your works. You can also report posts that break the terms of service of the website, but please only use this function for this purpose. Reporting things you personally dislike isn't helpful either to the user or to the system. If someone's works aren't to your taste, blocking them is the easiest way to keep it out of your eyeline. That's your way to say "I do not consent to seeing this" whilst leaving the content there for others who do wish to see it. Other Considerations for Tumblr Honestly I would love other peoples' input on this one. I'm not an expert on this one.

Archive Of Our Own (AO3)

AO3 is one of the widest and most open fandom spaces. It's like a library, and everything is well organised into the proper sections. That also means that there will be works on there that contain content you may be less comfortable with reading, so it's important both to tag your own works and to look at the tags on others' works to know what you want to read or not. For more on content warnings and how to use them, click here for that essay because it is a long topic of its own.

What Should/Shouldn't Be On The Site? Those who know me well here know that although I have a fair little list of characters and topics I will not read or write, I also fully support everyone else's rights to do so if they wish. That's the standard on AO3 too. There are few topics that are fully banned, and the system allows for tagging and filtering of works based on those tags. Aside from the general age ratings that set a tone for the work there are the archive warning tags.

These Archive labels are an explicit indicator of the kind of content in a piece that allow readers to make a decision of informed consent on whether they wish to read. Anything tagged with a specific warning, or with the "chose not to warn" tells a reader that there is content that may be triggering or unwanted. It gives them the choice to read or to find another piece. Nobody is being forced to read heavy topics just by virtue of them existing, and as I mention in the above-linked essay post around CWs, fiction can be a very valid and powerful way for people to process their own traumas in a safe and controlled environment. There are very few things that are fully forbidden from the site, just like how in a library you will find there are books with different content types. The point is not to ban the ones you do not want to read, but to select the ones from the shelves that you do want to read, and to learn how to use the tags like the labels on library books (or the information on the cover) to tell you what you might want to read. It's not like a book shop where the owner is choosing only what they want to sell, or your own personal book shelf where you only keep the books you like. It's a communal space for everyone to share and read their works. You can customise how things appear in your feed too, the Preferences can give you those options to filter what you want to see or not see as you browse the site.

AO3 Community Engagement Commenting and leaving kudos on AO3 is a wonderful way to support writers you like. If you don't like a work at all, I also recommend just leaving without bringing the writer down - unwanted critique doesn't tend to help anyone improve, but it can make them (or even other readers) want to stop writing which would be a terrible shame. If someone asks for critique specifically then of course that is fine, but you should also try to find the things you like within the work as well to show the writer what to do more of and what strengths they can rely on. The best thing for a writer to read from their works on AO3 are comments that specifically pick out favourite lines and say what they like about them. It's a little harder to directly chat, but if there are contact details in peoples' bios you can form more social connections this way, or simply subscribe to your favourite authors to see more of their works and get notified with new releases.

Safety and Security You can block or mute specific users if you find their works are not to your tastes or if they have been unkind in their interactions with your works, or for any reason you wish. These options are on every user's profile on the top right beneath their name.

You can easily stop seeing the works from anyone at any time without having to do anything further. If they have broken the site rules, of course, that is something to raise with the website's moderation teams and allow them to handle it accordingly, but to be very clear here: It is not ok to send people negative comments because you disagree with them or the topics they write about. We should all be free to create what we want to create as long as it is within the law (and particularly this applies to not sharing NSFW content to those who are not old enough to engage with it) as long as all of our works are appropriately tagged.

You can also control who can see and engage with your works - I personally prefer comment moderation, even though there has never been a single comment I have rejected. You can also turn off guest comments, or only let registered user view your works in the first place. This gives you the option to block people as and when you need to, whilst still allowing engagement. This can be changed on every single work you have and edited at any time. Whilst it might discourage or reduce some engagement, it can give you confidence that negative comments can't pile up whilst you're not looking at your account and remain visible. It's also security for those of us who prefer not to link our government names to our adult content creation, so we know nobody is revealing anything we don't want known to our wider audience.

Twitter/X

I'm going to call it Twitter because that's how most of us still know it and refer to it, as well as other language like Tweet, RT, QRT as needed. (X is a terrible name for a platform and we all know it).

Fandom On Twitter In general this is one of the widest nets of fandom from what I can see. It's also the least moderated space on the internet, and with limited space in tweets it is a lot more common for things to be taken out of context. The spoiler tagging only works on images, so that's also more difficult to curate the content you share yourself. Twitter in general tends to have more of an aggressive culture to it, anonymity and ease of making new accounts leaving it very open to people getting away with saying whatever they like regardless of who it impacts.

Curating Your Twitter Feed This one is largely going to come down to who you follow. Check the bio of users you're thinking about following, and maybe scan a few of their posts, replies, and likes to get an idea of the kind of content they engage with and are likely to share. You can also mute and/or block individual users. This can help to narrow down what you see on your feed, however do be aware you're more likely to see negative content and "fandom drama" go down on Twitter. It's very instant and has a vibe of calling things out immediately, potentially due to the short form of content people aren't spending long thinking about what they want to say or how they want to say it.

Keeping Yourself Safe This one is going to be utilising the mute and block features as needed, but you can also choose to only allow people you follow to respond to your tweets. This is a good way to keep your Twitter experience just to friends and others you share values with, reducing the chance of arguments and issues. However, it is also good to know when to step back, disengage, and stop interacting with content or people who are distressing you.

Keeping Others Safe Having a "minors DNI" rule is a good plan for most (meaning you are openly stating that those under 18 years old "do not interact" with your posts and content as it is more likely to be unsuitable even if you can't easily mark it as adult only content). It is also good to remember that those arguing on Twitter are less likely to listen and change their minds on an issue, so if someone is being unfairly upset by the words and actions of others it is often better to support that person rather than to engage with anyone speaking against them.

Discord

This can be one of your most easy to curate and customise for your social groups, though that means it's harder to connect to newer people and find larger spaces and reach for content. But it's still worth looking at how you choose and interact with spaces.

Joining a New Server Get to know the rules and the people who run the space. Discord servers can all be very different in how they are laid out and the rules they have for their communities. Some might have bans on certain kinds of content like characters or pairings, others may be open to all kinds of content but have it separated into different sections and areas so people know when/where they are engaging with different things. If you feel that the rules or leadership don't match your values, you can leave at any time and don't need to let anyone know unless you wish to keep contacts outside of the server. Many servers are invite only, or will advertise in a limited way through other sites like Twitter and Tumblr (I certainly advertise my own on both, for those who might want to join), but some might also be listed on a site called Disboard which can be a good way to find active fan community servers. I'm actually in some servers that ban certain content, and other servers that explicitly allow that same content. I appreciate both types of space, and knowing what to expect when I visit each of them. Having places that ban certain topics outright is great as a comfortable place for people who don't like it, but equally having places that allow it is also great so the people who do enjoy it can safely indulge without judgement. There are many reasons why people do/don't like content, and I don't believe anyone has to justify that unless they explicitly want to.

Spoiler Tagging and CWs on Discord Spoiler tags are very easy to use on Discord, it's one of the best systems as you can spoiler images as well as part or all of the text that you wish to hide. You can then ensure your comment tells people what to expect underneath the spoiler cover. This shows roughly how it works for text.

I would always advise to tell people what is under the spoiler tag, so people know what they're revealing. That way everyone can interact confidently knowing they're not going to uncover content they're uncomfortable with.

Blocking, Banning, and Moderation Discord's blocking is pretty simple - block a user and they can still see your posts but they will not be able to leave reactions on them, and you won't see anything they post. If you're a Moderator or Admin of a server and you ban a user, they will not be able to return on another account unless they're using a VPN as it uses an IP ban. For safeguarding, it can also be helpful to share information with other fandom space moderators if there is a genuinely harmful person in the community. Several Discord servers do this already as far as I know, sharing the full user ID number of people who are not safe to be in the community so they can be prevented from entering.

How To Choose Your Social Spaces

Looking at the options there, each space is set up very differently. The open spaces like Twitter and Tumblr and AO3 are going to take some more care to know when is best to not engage with content you don't like or disagree with, and to know that any post or opinion can risk going viral at any time. Discord is going to have the more closed and specialised communities that will likely have a closer match to personal values and social circles.

Whichever place you're in, it's a good idea to be aware of what kinds of content you're likely to encounter and what to expect with interactions.

If a site or fandom space makes you feel unsafe, uncomfortable, or otherwise unhappy, it is absolutely valid to avoid it. Even if others use it.

In the case of places like Twitter and Tumblr, you might not gain as much reach if you only shout into the void and don't interact with others, but if that's all you feel safe doing because scrolling through content is distressing that is all you need to do. Beyond the terms of service there aren't really rules governing how you use any particular platform. Different spaces have different levels of moderation, so it really is up to us at the end of the day which ones we use to ensure we are looking out for our own safety.

What Should We Do If Something or Someone Isn't Safe?

This is the last big one to look at again. If someone is breaking the rules of a platform, report it to the appropriate places. If someone is suffering because of the content they have seen or the things that have been said to them, put your energy into looking after them rather than going after whoever you feel has wronged them. Revenge doesn't heal anyone, it just spreads more pain elsewhere and makes people more likely to retaliate or worsens the whole situation.

When we fight fire with fire we risk turning everything to ashes. Instead, calming a situation and letting the drama die down is what allows the people who have been hurt to heal rather than raking over the hot coals again and again.

The final point is when it has crossed legal lines, if there is an issue with safeguarding minors or any other law-breaking activity, that's when we need to go further than site/platform moderation and look to the legal options to protect our fandom spaces and the people involved.

You always have a choice what content to look at, what spaces to use, and what kinds of energy you are bringing in to those spaces. Kindness can often spur on more kindness, whereas confrontation mostly just leads to more confrontation. Of course there are times and places where confrontation is necessary, but we should also pick our battles wisely and prioritise caring for those who have been harmed first.

Until next time darlings~ sorry if this one was a long ramble, I've been on and off it all day to try and ensure my thoughts are at least a little organised. Here's hoping all of our experiences with the community can be positive and match the values we want to see within ourselves and each other~

#fandom #fandom essay #fandom community #curating your fandom experience #how to make the most of fandom spaces #twitter #discord #tumblr #ao3 #archive of our own #choose kindness

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destinyc1020 · 12 days ago

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I am gonna try to take a slightly gentler approach to your Tom-only anon, since the way they approach being a fan strikes me as coming from someone young.

You are entitled to your opinion, and to like who you like or dislike whoever. If we are talking about opinions on things of social or political importance, a healthy debate and interchange of ideas is warranted. But if someone has an opinion on something that doesn’t affect your rights or your actual day to day life, you have to learn to let things go.

In fandom matters, for your own mental health, you’re going to have to curate your own social media experience. Maybe stop searching Twitter if it makes you mad. Maybe stop following tumblr accounts if you don’t agree with them. You have to accept that there will always be people with the “wrong” (aka different) opinions.

If you can’t find spaces that cater to your specific point of view, maybe come off anon and start your own tumblr/twitter/etc. Maybe you’ll attract likeminded fans.

Don’t try to police the way other people enjoy their fandom. It’ll just make you crazy.

Excellent post!! 👏🏾

I agree with everything you said.

But if someone has an opinion on something that doesn’t affect your rights or your actual day to day life, you have to learn to let things go.

This!! ☝🏾 While it's not fun or fair at all to hear people having such a negative, unfair view of your fave, at the same time, you have to realize that a lot of times, what you read online does NOT reflect how the majority of people feel. Just look at this past election. 😒🙄

A lot of times, some fans forget that Twitter doesn't equal everybody.

Amen 🙏🏾

Sometimes, you have to really protect your peace. I learned that the hard way, and during the pandemic I realized that I needed to stop giving attention to things that either did not serve me, made me feel depressed/angry/sad, or just disturbed my spirit. 😔

I learned then to LIMIT what I watch, read, or put into my mind, because the energy that you accept into your life, can and will affect you. If smthg doesn't serve you, then don't ingest it. ✋🏾

The internet is a cesspool of negativity. It doesn't have a regulator. It doesn't have a rating system (i.e. Rated R for "Ridiculous", or Rated PG for "Pure Garbage" 🙄), so YOU have to be your own Parental Guardian so to speak, and pick and choose what you decide to spend your time taking in and ingesting on the internet. If you don't do that, then anything and everything will be at your disposal, and everyone's thoughts, good, bad, and UGLY, will infiltrate your spirit. 😔 Don't allow that to happen.

YOU have the control over what you take in online. That's why, every now and then, I take a break from social media. It can all be very draining. 🥴

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iamnmbr3 · 4 months ago

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I've decided to just ignore the stuff you post I don't like. This will be the last message pls ignore everything before. I do not want to bother you.

But that's not important. What is important is my headcanon that draco malfoy just ADORES plushies. Has a room full of them. Rotates which one he snuggles to sleep based on a very complicated formula that's secretly which one he thinks won't tattle about his 30 minute rants about ~Pottah~.

No worries at all. You're not a bother. I like getting asks. It's fun to read people's thoughts and to write answers.

And I definitely think curating your own experience is a super important skill that is absolutely critical to making sure that your engagement with online spaces is healthy, safe and fun. That's part of why I have tags - so that people can find things they want but also so that people can filter out things they'd rather not see. It's always fine to not like something for any reason - or even for no reason. There's certainly types of content or specific ships or fic tropes that I don't like to see - sometimes for very substantive reasons and sometimes just because I don't vibe with it.

And lol go for it. Sounds like this needs art.

#asks #Harry Potter

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runawaymun · 2 years ago

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Hey, I'm really sorry if this ask comes across as hostile, but due to recent experiences with another Tolkien fan, I do feel like I need to ask. In the tags of a recent post you reblogged, you mentioned being Christian. I know that there are many Christians who are kind, loving people who embrace the queer community, including trans people. But unfortunately, I also know there are a lot of Christians who don't. I would prefer to not follow someone who thinks I and people like me are evil simply because of who we are, or who try to pull that 'love the sinner hate the sin' crap. I am not saying that you are one of those people, but I have unfortunately encountered enough of those types of Christians (even in fandom spaces) that when someone says they are Christian, it makes me nervous. I understand my own religious trauma is my issue and I need to work through it, but I would still like to know how you feel about the queer community, as I greatly enjoy your fic and art and would like to continue enjoying your fic and art. Obviously you don't have to answer this ask and regardless of your answer you shouldn't be attacked. Sorry for rambling and I hope have a good day.

Hi there!

No I really appreciate the ask and I get it. I am glad you’re taking initiative to keep yourself safe and curate your online experience. I have a huge boatload of religious trauma myself from my upbringing so when I say I completely understand, please know that I really do.

I’m openly GNC bisexual myself & a trans & nb ally and a member of the queer community who writes a lot of ragingly gay fanfic and l am also a member of the Christian faith. I grew up raised extremely evangelical and am not anymore. I just read the Book, do my own religious practice, believe in God, and try to be active in the little Lutheran church I sometimes attend because Church community is important to me and I’m fortunate to have finally found a church community that is both a safe place for me as an openly queer person & also has sound doctrine and theology. It was a long road to finding one because I’m not willing to compromise on either of those lol.

I spent a long, long time decompressing from my upbringing and unpacking my religious trauma (therapy!!), and came to the conclusion from studying the book & long prayer & discussion with other queer Christians that God Is Not Small. The Church’s historical and current hatred toward queerness is a manufactured product of Man, not God. I’ve spent years studying all of the classic “bludgeoning passages” that are brought up to go “see!!!!!!! See the Bible says it’s a sin!!!!!!!” And found through linguistic study and intersectional doctrine that, actually, no those passages have nothing to do with people in consensual, healthy, committed queer relationships. The Bible has nothing to say about trans people or enby people either. It has a lot to say about how we are all unique and diverse and made imago dei, that we are loved — and that is the truest thing about us. Again: God is not small. God does not have a gender. The Bible even makes references to God having a womb in some poetry and prophecy chapters (metaphorically, but the point being that God is not “male”). Jesus never married. Paul was arguably ace. Jesus healed a gay centurion’s boyfriend and told him “go in peace”.

Sorry, I’m rambling too!!! TLDR: I am a proud member of the queer community and I am Christian and I don’t believe those things are antithetical. I’ve experienced a lot of pain at the hands of Christians, but never from the hands of God — only love and comfort. And I am fortunate and extremely grateful to finally have friends and a church community who strive for Christlike behavior and agree with me that God Is Not Small, and that God’s love is infinite and diverse. We’re made imago dei— so why should we be any different? 🫶

Hope this helps clarify and again I appreciate the ask. I really wish you well on your healing journey with your religious trauma and whatever that looks like for you. I hope you have peace 💕 and if you ever want a friend who Gets It I’m happy to chat and I’m here 💕

#cw religion #Christianity #religious trauma #out of uniform #queer

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biganimal92 · 7 months ago

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people on twitter are mad over fanart of cloud raping tifa

i have been trying to come up with a response for this since you sent it and i think i'm stuck on trying to figure out your intentions on asking me this, like i genuinely, in an autistic way, don't understand what sort of response you're expecting. also i don't know how likely i am to continue to receive asks talking about this stuff so if anyone needs me to use a tag for this please let me know and i can correct that

like i had this really long reply basically saying "well i think this sort of thing happens because the last main website that 90% of the internet uses that explicitly allows porn has absolutely no division between any of its communities because the nsfw community on twitter isn't on a dedicated platform that just caters to the nsfw community so you're going to get people who are emotionally underdeveloped who are being exposed to art they either aren't interested in or aren't equipped to handle and it ends up creating a lot of really reactionary takes where, in an attempt to try to curate their own online space, they aim to eradicate those that threaten their peace because a lot of these people are younger and they didn't have a lot of time to be able to learn how to navigate the social landscape of the internet and the fault lies on twitter for fostering and encouraging an ecosystem like this anyway" because i think it's important to try to understand the causes of this sort of thing and to understand that this phenomenon is often the result of those who think they're powerless trying to control their experiences when really what they need to do is learn how effective the block button is if they're going to engage with these systems in a healthy and enjoyable way

but i started the post by saying "well i mean i also wouldn't want to see that because cloud simply would not do that and it means i'm being exposed to cloti against my will" and then at some point i tried to quote the one scooby doo ytp with the caveman frozen in ice. and also i went on for a bit saying that cloti is literally only good if it appeals to my very specific kinks and sensibilities so i don't know if any way i could answer this would be satisfactory since i'm still unclear why i'm being asked about this. mainly because i don't use twitter and i don't like cloti LOL

#please don't let me regret answering this ask lol #also i very rarely get asks so i was v surprise to see i got this after i posted my drawing of carlo last night

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jmenvs3000f23 · 1 year ago

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Learning, growing, and sharing the passion🐛🦋(U10)

Reflecting on my journey of developing my personal stance as a nature interpreter, I realize my ethos is deeply rooted in storytelling. While I would absolutely consider myself smart and capable of any challenge thrown my way, I wouldn't claim to be the one to ask for a perfectly articulated summary of a concept, or a history (or stats oh gosh...)) But! I am your girl if you want to talk about animals or nature with the same excitement and perception shifts you had as a kid; when learning about something like dinosaurs or other planets for the very first time and feeling like your mind was blown, or maybe even that the person was just making stuff up because of how wild it seemed.

At it’s core, my passion sings when having the chance to discuss niche topics with open-minds that delve into things like evolution, coming from the perspective that there are so many mysteries out there that could be unraveled if you only cared to look.

Just this week, some of these topics for me and some peers have included trying to understand bird tetrachromacy (how and why they can see in UV), mammals returning to the water like whales and dolphins, or how?? Literally how??? lemurs got to Madagascar.

To me, it's not just about sharing information, but having fun in the process and getting to share what you learn about the animals and their exploits in ways that would rival the wildest fantasy stories.

[Saw-whet owl wing under UV💡 ]

[OG whale💪🏻 ]

I've been playfully dubbed the "zookeeper of knowledge" by a friend in this context, after spending far too many hours working on a project because we kept getting side-tracked and discussing things not necessarily needed, but so incredibly interesting. (And it’s probably a title I'd gladly claim if it weren't so corny to be honest.) Regardless, it summarizes my commitment to becoming a curator of the captivating craziness that the animal kingdom has to offer. With a bias but passionate zoological perspective, I strive to share my spark of curiosity. ✨

Beyond my zoology lens, I strive for a focus on eco-consciousness in the work that I do, hoping to bridge the gap between science and the public and to foster stronger connection with Mother Nature.

As for translating these passions to children, I’m a firm believer in both transparency and honesty. While it’s almost guaranteed they won’t enjoy their first climate change lesson, I think forming traits of environmental stewardship and the understanding that actions have environmental consequences in children is critical if we want our passion for nature to be held by future generations. I remember my first lonely polar bear on a drifting ice berg video, and yes I was sad….but it left a vivid mark on my consciousness, shaping my understanding of the environmental challenges we face and it very likely brought me to where I am today.

Speaking of inspiring children, I cannot hold myself back as I have to show you guys what I found last week!

[Zoologist Barbie!!!!!!!!💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗]

I'm not even that much of a Barbie fan but I think now I have to be! I would have exploded with joy if I had this as I kid! I mean, if Barbie is doing it, I can't even imagine how many little girls will now be exposed to the possibility of studying zoology or similar topics and I won't lie...I could cry 🥹 (not to mention how close the koala is to a lemur and my personal goals regarding that....interesting......verrry interesting 🔮)

Though I still think going outside with curiosity in mind is the number one way to develop a relationship with nature, I’d consider things and representations like this even more important in places like cities, where natural spaces are becoming less and less accessible due to never-ending infrastructure and the digital domination of screens and virtual experiences.

The allure of video games and online platforms often out-win outdoor activities at least in my own anecdotal experience, raising concerns about the disconnect between the younger generation and the natural world. I think environmental educators are becoming more and more important in schools, and I believe they play a pivotal role in counteracting this trend, as they offer opportunities for a child to focus on wonders within the natural world. I had a hard time myself trying to sound reasonable to many of my friends and family as a kid when saying I wanted to study animals and nature since technology was progressing so quickly and I was viewed as looking backwards.

and so I think this doll (or things similar) can reinspire or hold that flame when kids aren't yet to sure if they'll find a nice outdoor spot to explore, an educator excited to answer questions, or a community like Guelph that embraces natural sciences so much.

In my opinion, harsh climate crisis truths can surely be sugar-coated for young minds to an extent, but to completely wait until their old enough to ‘actually understand’ is just providing the perfect opportunity for a child to become a distracted or oblivious teenager or adult. Again, this is my opinion but at this point in time, in a current climate crisis with almost no signs of slowing down, being an adult in a country like Canada and purposely ignoring it is NOT cool!!

Now, we don’t have to live every moment with the weight of the world on our shoulders, and I don’t wish that on anyone! But I believe the absolute bare minimum is to consider our actions in relation to nature and provide the next generation the building blocks and exposure they'll need to make environmentally conscious choices. Concepts like reusable water bottles over disposable plastic ones, not littering, and realizing our planet belongs to others too aren’t scary things and if anything, promote cultures of care and community. These seemingly simple ideas start to lay the foundation for responsible and conscious individuals to gladly carry the torch of environmental awareness into the future!

Anyways, that's what's up with me, and so I hope you've found at least one thing on my blog that made you think about, reconsider, or learn something, and maybe even want to go hug a tree 💝🐛

Works cited

Johnson, N. A., Lahti, D. C., & Blumstein, D. T. (2012). Combating the Assumption of Evolutionary Progress: Lessons from the Decay and Loss of Traits. Evolution Education & Outreach, 5(1), 128–138. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12052-011-0381-y

Northern saw-whet owl outstretched wing under blacklight, by Seabrook Leckie, Attribution-NonCommercal-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic license, https://www.flickr.com/photos/rustyblackbird/

#nature interpretation #envs 3000 #nature #zoology #zoologist barbie #climate change #environmental outreach #environmental education #barbie

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