#why cant people just be satisfied with the book?

[hanzajesthanza]

obsessed that the one time dandelion ever actually felt guilt in his entire life maybe was not for the cheating, not for the cucking, not for the drinking, not for the whoring, not for the cheating (reprise), not for the avoiding paying his tab, not for the petty and minor theft, but he felt bad because he felt like he was not that good of a friend to geralt

[k4shixe]

Out in the Night.

Staring; Shota Aizawa x gn!student

Summary; Due to the lack of rest you get because of your mother and her boyfriends, you missed your stop and are all by yourself at a random location when someone stops by to help.

Warnings; mentions of abuse, horrible mother that mistreats reader, boyfriends of mother that mistreats reader, police, bruises, trauma(?)

Word count; 2k+

You jumped out of bed when you realised you slept in, your mum shouting at you for creating all that noise. You knew that witch was the one to change your alarm but you couldn’t do anything. Shes your only family and she gets paid to look after you but that doesn't satisfy her greed enough and now shes forcing you to become a hero. You cant lie that you obviously wanted to be one, but it isn’t you true passion, but anything to keep you mother quiet was enough to keep you motivated. You joined UA after the hardest training you had ever done, the mean comments from your mother and one of her new boyfriends that came on a regular did tire you more then expected. Nevertheless, joning UA was meant to be that big achievement you could have, a new life, new friends and certainly more time to be away from your mother. But you never could understand why noone talked to you. Was it how you looked? You did have dark eye bags and lots of bruises and marks all over your body because of your dear old mother and all of her boyfriends from over the years. No matter how hard you tried covering them up, but no matter what you did you always somehow missed a spot. When someone did ask about it, after hesitating and staring you for a while, you told them sheepishly that it was from training. Big Mistake. No one wanted to hang out with the psycotic kid with marks all over them. You made peace with that after the first few weeks trying to make friends and now just do everything yourself.

“Y/n. No sleeping in class. Detention” Mr Aizawa glares at you as you rubbed your eyes trying to get the sleep out. This was the 3rd time today and even though you swear you had a good sleep (1 hour nap), you kept on drifting off. You looked up at Aizawa, who walked back to the front of the class and continued copying down the notes on the board.

When hearing the lunch bell ring, you instinctively got up as you were always the first one out but a hand was placed on the stack of books you were just about to carry to your locker.

“Hmm? I thought I said detention”

You looked up and made eye contact with Aizawa who was giving you a stern look as he quirked a brow.

“Oh yeah, haha I forgot…” you said quietly before sitting back down. A few of your classmates gave you a pitied look, a few waved to you saying that “they would wait for you” and “save you a spot”. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. What liers they were. No one ever saved you anything.

Looking back at the man infront of you who was now checking your workbook for completion.

“Not even half the work was done. What were you doing y/n?” He asked rhetorically. Of course he knows what you were doing. Everyone does. He gave you a moment to think before continuing.

“I am expecting the completion of work and a 3 page research paper on this topic aswell to make up for it.”

You sat their silently as he slid your notebook back onto your desk before walking towards his sleeping bag.

You got up right after, packing your things and headed out for lunch, not bothering to stop by the cafeteria and going straight to the secluded spot in the garden where you sat by a tree where you'd rest at. It was your happy place. No one ever came here and there was just enough sunlight and cold breeze that made it feel heavenly. The only people that came here were people taking a short cut to their classes, but rarely anyone done that as most people found it by mistake like you. The sound of the slight wind and birds that made the tree their home comforted you to a point where you fell asleep.

You soon woke up by the sounds of your English teacher, Present Mic, shouting at some nearby student to head to class. You followed and headed to your evening classes before heading home soon after. Being exhausted by the lack of sleep, you immediately fell asleep as soon as you sat on the seat of the train.

But you were in a deep sleep state to realise the trains stopping at its stops, and you missed your one. You soon woke up by the train conductor, who lightly shook you awake. You thanked him before rushing out as it was almost midnight. You had no idea where you were, everything looking blurry and dark due to the lack of light around. You opted to sitting outside a gas station before checking you phone. No charge. Right. You didnt think charging your phone was necessary. How stupid. You sat their on the curb, as you shivered time to time from the wind and lack of clothing you were wearing which was just your school uniform. You rested your chin on your knees and zones out thinking what would happen now and how you woud get home. Atleast you mum doesn't care of realise that your home or not. Not that she ever does care. Her boyfriends and alchole always keep her occupied.

A light ‘clank’ to the street light near you and was illuminating your presence grabbed your attention. You look up, your eyes squinting from the sudden change of brightness, all you could make out was a figure with red glowing eyes and something like a scarf floating around them. You heard something like a sigh from the figure before they jumped down onto the pavement you were on. Your eyes widened as the light now illuminated the figure.

'"Well? Got anyhting to say?"

“Mr Aizawa! Oh uh, what a fancy seeing you here!” You jumped at his sudden appearance, mumbling whatever you could think of.

“Y/n, is this why your always tired?” He raised an eyebrow at you as he crossed his arms.

“partly?...” You say unsure and give a weak smile.

He glared at you before sighing.

“Go home. Its already 11:50pm.”

“Right… funny story actually… the trains kinda stopped working for the night and I also don’t know what part of Japan im in.” You sheepishly say, looking down at your feet in embarrassment.

He tilted his head slightly to the side, observing your every move like you were someone to look out for. Heck, maybe you were. He saw you still had your school uniform on,your bag and the way you were shaking slightly due to the freezing cold temperatures of the night. He sighed and gestured for you to stand before taking out his cell phone and sending a quick text. You really didn't want to test your luck, but your curiousity had the better of you and you asked;

“Uhh… who’s that to?” You ask hesitatingly.

“The police.”

“WAIT WHAT! WHY!”

“their going to take you home. Did you think I was going to do that?” He said making direct eye contact with you.

“Well… no… but I thought I’d just stay here for a little while longer…”

You spoke starring at your feet. Even though it sounded weird, This was the most you felt free in a long time. Your mum wasn't here to shout at you and tell you how worthless you were (you already knew you were) while she threw something or hit you. Her boyfriends never stood up for you either, always joining in on the 'fun' as they called it. You really didn't want this to end.

Aizawa sighs, noticing your shy demeanour and walk towards you. You shut your eyes thinking he was going to shout at you but opened them up in surprise at the comforting hand placed on your shoulder.

“Y/n, I’m not sure whats going on with you but it isn't good. Being alone at this time of night especially at your age and with the amount of sleep you have is dangerous. So let me ask you one time and one time only. Whats going on?”

You stare up at him in utter disbelief. He cares about you? The Mr Aizawa, the same man who gave you detention and extra work the very same day, was now asking if your alright? The shock must've showed on your face because Aizawa sqwised your shoulder lightly to get your attention back.

"Huh? Oh, nothing is going on! I'm perfectly fine! I just fell asleep on the train and missed my stop is all."

Aizawa made a questioning face, wether to believe you or not but then nodded and stood back up.

"I can't leave you all alone here. The police will be a while too since we're quiet far away from a station. You can either tell me what happened, in detail" he emphisaied "Or, I'll find out myself."

Find out himself? You won't, no you can't let him do that. You look up to him, look for any sign of a bluff. You make direct eye contact with him and he looks dead serious.

"So?"

Í'll- I'll tell you" you sigh in defeat.

After a while of stuttering, and long intense stares from Aizawa. You managed to say a (extremely) summaries version of your life at home. How you got the bruises, why your always so tierd, missing a some (very) important details because after everythig your mum put you through. She was still your mum and you didn't want ruin her life just yet. Aizawa must've gotten that from how many times you stopped yourself and thought over if it was good to say. He look at you, you looked like a kid trying to justify stealing a candy bar from a store. It was wrong, yet you still tried making it sound like it was normal to do, just staring at your feet as you played nevously with your hands. He sighed and took a few steps towards you, and ruffled your hair.

"It's alright Y/n, your not in any trouble. I just wanted to know because I was concerned."

You stood their for a second, processing what was happening, and before could stop yourself, a tear ran down your cheek and a few more followed after that. Aizawa watched as you quickly tried to wipe them away, why did you think crying was bad? He never understood that, even when getting hit by Bakugo's explosions or a boulder Midoriya accidently broke off while training, most people would cry or atleast complain about the pain. But you never once did, just shaking it off, even when it looked broken, you just asked to go to the nurse and would come back the next lesson acting like nothing ever happened and instead apologised for being in the way.

Aizawa could hear you sniffle and before you could say something, he gently put a hand to the back of your head and pulled you closer so that your head was resting on him. You tensed up for a moment, as you didn’t expect the sudden show of affection but you kept quiet as your tears kept falling. After a few minutes of silence, and when you no longer sniffled, you slowly raised your head, you noticed how your tears stained his hero costume and felt embarrassed. But when you looked up you saw Aizawa looking at you with concern.

“Do you feel better?” He asked not worrying about his costume.

“Yeah. Thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Just as he finished his sentence, the first few police cars showed up and before you knew it, you said bye to Aizawa (who was rethinking to even let you go home) and left.

You got home and unfortunately, the police had to notify your mother that you were missing in the first place but now you were back. She acted caring but once the police left, you got the punishment of your life. Your mother shouted and beat you until her new boyfriend had to stop her because even he notice it was getting a bit too much. You didnt go to school the next day because of how many new bruises you had gained, thinking no one would notice. The day after when you did go to school, Aizawa pulled you out just before class ended and all the students were packing up and immediately asking about your absence.

“Its nothing. I just wanted to catch up on sleep” it was a bad lie, but what else could you say?

Aizawa noticed the bruise on your head earlier which your ‘covered’ with your hair and realised from your conversation something must if happened with your mum.

“Fine. You dont have to tell me but, take this and give me a call if you ever feel like your in danger”

He handed you a folded piece of paper with his personal number on it. You thanked him and stuffed it in your pocket before leaving for the day. On the way back home in the train, as you stares out the window, you smiled to yourself thinking that its nice to have someone care about you.

A/n; Hi Guys! This is my first post in months! Omg its been so long. I realised I never written anything for Aizawa even though I have so many drafts for him (he’s my fav too) so this one is for him. I apologies in advance as this could’ve been better but here it is. Enjoy! :)

[ilynpilled]

ive been thinking about this a bit and i feel like i have some very different feelings towards certain things and strongly disagree with the implications present in the ways i see them discussed. i do not like to simplify these themes to “vengeance/punishment bad wahh”, because it does not at all feel complete enough to convey my true feelings, or the themes of the text itself for that matter imo, but like… ofc i personally cant read things like cersei’s walk of shame, where she is punished, humiliated, and dehumanized through the one thing she was unfairly condemned for her entire life— jaime’s brutal maiming and torture where he is humiliated, fed things like horse piss which he forces down because he is so thirsty before vomiting it back up, gets repeatedly beaten unconscious, and is nearly driven to passive suicide— theon’s excessive physical and mental torment that would take too long to list that breaks him entirely— and even a man as deeply evil as vargo hoat (who is not at all three dimensional) having his hands and feet and arms and legs cut off, be cannibalized, and even be forced to eat parts of himself, causing the pov character that swore to enact brutal vengeance on him to feel ill and repulsed once he finds out— and experience much, if any, catharsis, personal feelings about these characters aside. asoiaf is a series where the author pretty often deliberately places us inside the heads of bad people that have done terrible things, who some readers may feel a certain hatred for, as they are put through torment. not to make the reader feel good and satisfied about it, but to present it as something that should not really be a thing that we revel in, and encourage us to be critical about what is even gained through what they are going through. even a morally dark antagonist without a pov like joffrey and his death was meant to have elements of tragedy. during, tyrion notes that he is a young boy with fear in his eyes that he had never seen in the eyes of his father. whether you feel a certain way about it (and i am not arguing that you are morally flawed for not sympathizing with a fictional character, this isn’t real life, i am just discussing themes that i am identifying), the goal was not really to provide us with a feel-good “justice at last!” emotion through the brutally violent death of a 13 year old boy. it makes me genuinely wonder how some ppl come away with the idea that this series is intended to be a celebration and glorification of punitive justice. i am not saying justice in general is not a huge theme, and some catharsis, especially for victims, over the death/defeat of their abusers & tormenters is present in the text as well, understandably so, because it can mean safety. take pia smiling through broken teeth when jaime has her rapist executed and presents his head to her while setting a precedent with gregor’s men. some people need to die, and deserve it, but what does that look like? who decides it? why? by contrast, the instance of jaime actually feeling good when he hangs a bunch of random outlaws reads as something more tied to his current relationship to the self and certain selfish desires at this point in his story than real justice, and it is further elaborated upon and taken apart in the book. anyway, all these questions are present and the answers are not near as simple as i often see them made out to be.

it doesn’t feel like to me that most things that can be interpreted as enactments of punitive justice or moments of karma are these epic events that should just make the reader blindly cheer and applaud, or even feel good about. there is a reason that some things go awry (like with oberyn), and it isn’t cynicism. there is nuance, and not in a way where victims are condemned for fighting back, or a pacifist ideology is idealized. there just really isn’t a glorification of brutal punishment, ‘eye for an eye’ vengeance, and the needless causing of suffering. same with a blind upholding of duty and law based around flawed feudalistic constructs. and all these things should not even be conflated. not to mention that punitive justice exists also in a way where it is connected to institutions. take the faith and organized religion for example. the whole process is interrogated: what is sin? what sins are being punished? how? why? and what are the actual effects? be it jaime’s and brienne’s conversations/interactions with a bunch of different tertiary characters in affc, or cersei’s punishment in adwd. at the end of the day, she is punished for her body, for being a woman. she does not suffer “consequences” for her actual wrongs and the suffering she causes. she doesn’t really learn anything, and it will all just make her spiral more. the whole concept of punitive justice gets focused on especially with theon’s entire identity being withered away through torture. he experiences so much torment that there comes a point where he is robbed of his mind and agency. what does the “criminal” learn? how can a person change in these circumstances? what is the point, and why should we feel good about this? he is not even really “punished” for his crimes, and certainly not by people with any moral high ground over him, he is just being brutalized. same is the case with jaime in asos: it is a bad person being brutalized by men even more vile than he is, and they are not doing it because they want to deliver any justice to his victims. also, though the maiming does kickstart crisis with him specifically, it is not the determining factor when it comes to his reformation. this story is not actually saying that people can be, and should be, tortured into becoming better people, and if they can’t the solution is to just axe them. there is nuance, sure, mercy is not something everyone is entitled to in all circumstances. sometimes “mercy” towards certain evil people will lead to the enablement of the suffering of others, even entire populations. there are certainly circumstances where compromise isn’t an option. but, again, i dont think george is ever holding back on actually interrogating the moral quandaries when it comes to identifying cycles and ending them, and he is for sure not treating every single aspect of these conflicts as black and white. even tyrion murdering his father, who purposefully does have a very ironic and humiliating death scene, which is important thematically, doesn’t end in easy and feel-good catharsis, especially for tyrion, which doesn’t equal “oh, tywin should be forgiven and spared”.

all of this is also why i do not really see how events like the fall of house lannister (first of all, we know it is gonna include the likely very brutal deaths of two innocent small children), red wedding 2.0, valonqar etc would be these grand and glorious moments of justice and pay-off, treated as just the good guys finally getting an epic W. they will very likely be filled with tragedy, so i am genuinely curious about where these expectations for this kind of catharsis come from

[olvitier]

Sorry its so late buf i am in an Edling mood tonight and I will never stop thinking about the idea of how theyre the epitome of right person wrong time.

(obviously in a context of like fandom shenannigans where canon events arent 100% set in stone like edling arent canon but also idc !! they are to me! im ignoring it let me be insane) ANYWAY

Even if they wanted to be together post promised day Ling has all the responsibilities of Xing and his clan and Edward would never hold him back from that for a second. Im of the opinion that brotherhood Edward feels a lot of guilt for wanting love from the people around him particularly those he sees as good (winry, alphonse, etc) especially if hes done things hes perceived as hurting them (maes’ death, the transmutation, etc etc). Which is why I think Edward connects with Ling so well cayse he doesnt carry the weight of a lot if his past mistakes, and then when the stone happens its like goddamn it i roped this guy into my shit again. Like i dont know Edward doesnt really dedicate himself so fully to people outside of winry and ed a lot so its interesting like!!

He cares about a lot of people like the majority of the allied cast and we see him be openly affectionate towards Nina and Hughes pre their deaths but I think Ling is the only person hes ever decided to stick with WITHOUT alphonse? I may be wrong but the whole sure Ill stay with you and trust my brother and Winry to stay safe and follow you around the outskirts of the east for a week till the promised day to protect my new friend is so??? what?? huh???

But anyone my point is post promised day Edward cant really ever see a future with Ling because of all the responsibility Ling holds outside of him and its veyr tragic imo like especially because in a different scenario if Ling didnt have those responsibilities and Edward wasn’t so dedicated to the people around him to a fault of never thinking about his own desires I think they could have the possibility of a future.

Like I have read a lot of fanfiction abiut Ed traveling to Xing and living with him there but?? I realistically cant see him ever doing that just solely because Edward is not the type of person to settle down! like its my one and only criticism of the fma manga is that I cannot see Edward ever being satisfied with a simple life? Like even in Fma 03 which is my favourite interpretation of Edwards character once he gets stranded in our world he learns?? Rocket Science?? For the chance to get back to Amestris but he doesnt really seem to take that goal all that seriously especially considered Alfons ends up getting involved in a lot more aircraft projects than Edward like Edwsrd genuinely enjoys learning!!

Im pretty sure he was the one who dragged Alphonse into Hoenhiems office when they were kids after he left, probably to Al’s reluctance of if they were allowed in there, and started ripping through all of his old books just to learn. Edward never stops and it gets so bad that he never stops to even consider himself constantly worrying about getting his brother back or improving the states of others lives especially when! ya know! the whole country is at stake!!

So in a circumstance post promised day where Ed decides what he wants to do (my personal favourite interpretation is either an alchemical researcher outside of directly performing alchemy, ie revolutionizing the circle matrixes and discovering nee combinations or becoming a professor of some kind) I dont think he would give that up to settle again. And obviously Ling cant exactly up and leave being Emperor unless he decides he doesnt want to, im not the most knowledgable on Lings characterization so I wont speak there but!

They have so much fun together and compliment each other and genuinely care about each other so much but their happiness and fulfillment as people to themselves and others make it so its nearly impossible they would ever realistically end up together and its really doomed and tragic!! idk i think about it a lot.

[lovelyrotter]

okay but i actually kinda wanna know ur take on stridercest being canon compliant O_O <- autism stare

oh hey i am also hitting you with the autism stare. ill try to get my thoughts down in a way that makes sense to more than just me hahaha

bear in mind that im an epilogue lover and i think Meat/Candy are really valuable pieces that further all of the characters and are also hard canon in the sense that we're looking at just 2 post-game universe outcomes out of an uncountable number (the book in the picnic basket representing post-canon fanfic). i think the characters actions in the epilogues make sense and are satisfying to me. yes even jane (i love alpha jane and i will not do her the disservice of 'cleaning her up' w/o showing her work for it. thats not how you depict a character who grew up with fascist programming). i could totally go on a whole tangent about this specifically but thats another post lol we'd be here forever and its also not stridercest

but okay. canon stridercest. under the cut cause it got kinda long

basically it has to do with the cherubs and how their relationships and mating rituals are pretty obviously incestuous leaning even though cherubs dont have the human concept of Siblings or blood family. the cherub who predominates will search across paradox space to mate with another cherub who closely resembles the cherub they predominated which is like textbook Freudian sexuality. theres a lot of Freud and Jungian stuff in HS imo even if im kinda [wobbly hand gesture] at the validity of these theories applied to real life and real people. but theyre super fun tools and lenses to use in fiction and i mean. gestures at all of dave

so the incest aliens cherubs. the whole reason why im talkin about them is bc Caliborn is so incredibly interested and invested in the Striders in particular. caliborn as both Lord English and Lil Cal shapes earth NOT OVERTLY but more so embeds himself in earth society, but again, the Striders lives in particular. dave is full of incest jokes. hes even apparently got a list of his friends arranged in order of how likely theyd incest-elope with each other (thank you epilogues for this amazing factoid). he seems to think about it often enough to, yknow, Do That. have a good solid think about that and construct an organized list about it. bearing in mind dave makes jokes about stuff thats a) bothering him, or b) generally camping out in his brain. hes not even really aware of it most of the time (as we see in one of the openbounds where hes all 'why am i thinking about puppets???' after seeing dirk for the first time in that dream bubble. he is thinking nonstop about dirk at that point and going off his only frame of reference for ANY dirk, which is his bro. his bro who was most likely deeply warped by Lil Cal)

sorry for the long blocky paragraph lol. but now onto the next thing

Caliborn as Lil Cal is the centerpiece in the beta strider apartment. dave cant escape him and beta dirk grew up with him. what the fuck do you do when youre childhood comfort item is also the most evil creature across all of paradox space? if youre a dirk you try to fight it. but how long can you keep fighting something like that. its safe to say that bro was affected by Caliborns particular brand of perversion and sfw kink. i dont think i have to say how insidious abusive and toxic he is about those things. and looking at the truth of beta bro (16yo alpha dirk) you can start to see just how warped beta bro became. beta bro is a false dirk (still a very Real dirk but not the Truth of dirk. beta bro has been toxified and made infinitely worse by an absolute evil influence over decades of life. in 80s fuckin texas. presumably in the system. anyone would be fucked up after that)

so for this analysis/theory im stating beta bro as a false persona. using jungian terms he is apha dirk's shadow

both dave and dirk live with a fake, carefully manicured version of their bros. they live with personas (or shadows of their guardians on the walls. hello platos allegory of the cave). they dont actually know e/o and they dont until the striunion

alpha dirk especially grows up embedded in the Public Persona Of Dave Strider 400 years post mortem and completely alone with unlimited internet access. hes a self admitted expert on his bro and we dont get to see a lot if any of his early childhood but i can hazard a guess at how much he clung to that persona of his bro. he fuckin idolizes dave. he LOVES dave. right off the bat he is in some kind of love with dave and i think if you try to argue against that then thats you slippin. i think youre a fool and have to reread homestuck because i wholeheartedly believe the striders loving eachother is part of the win state

once again this is speculation cause we get barely anything about alpha dave, but from what we already know about him im guessing this bro-persona is

achingly effortlessly cool

oozing masculinity (toxic or not, not really interested in categorizing that although toxic coolboy masculinity IS something the striders contend with & is an important facet in their lives)

a skilled fighter

a dedicated moviegoer (hes a director need i say more. this one is probably the only genuine thing about his on-screen persona)

and now lets look at jake. someone whos grown up on pretty much nothing but movies, whos doubtlessly been influenced by hollywood and its idea of gritty 'main character' masculinity through that, and who also clings to more old-school ideas of manliness (think victorian/edwardian era gentlemanly-but-loves-a-good-scrum kinda manly. moustache twirly with a monocle kinda manly. basically everything that grandpa harley is)

but okay lets look at what jake wants to be. lets take a look at his teenager persona

achingly effortlessly cool (his own 'hollywood star' kind of cool also def influenced by his favourite characters like lara croft who is indeed achingly cool. you see him succeed in inhabiting this hollywood star persona on earth c)

oozing masculinity (the old school manly mans-man kind)

a skilled fighter (two pistoles always. harder to aim cause you cant use a free hand to make up for kickback. that takes skill)

a dedicated moviegoer (again one of the only genuine parts about his persona. his questionable-to-wretched tastes aside. but bearing in mind that the SBaHJ movies are intentionally bad which is what makes them loop around to good. such is the nature of intentionally 'bad' art. jake fuckin lives in this perpetual bad-good art loop. okay enough with the art tangent keep focused man cmon)

because dirk has obviously way more contact with jake i dont doubt he sees through jakes own (admittedly way more flimsy) coolboy persona but the point still stands i think. different flavours but the same kinda guy. dirk has a type and i dont think its a stretch to say that hes looking for aspects of the bro-persona he grew up looking at in other boys, much like the winning cherub looking for the one they lost in the cherub theyll mate with

also wtf is with dirks obvious boner for dave chasing him across paradox space to decapitate him huh?? the last few sentences in Meat are about that very thing. he wants to fuc fight dave sooo bad. haha remember how the cherubic mating ritual is one of the most violent and long running spectacles in paradox space? i sure do

[fishbloc]

update

sent around 70 orders since my previous update! still slowly chipping away the rest, theres so much left

also. i already kinda talked about this on twitter in detail but:

.

.

to the customer who first told me they didnt know my book was a preorder, and didnt know i wrote an estimated shipping date on my faq, and if they knew earlier they wouldnt have bought it because it was for their niece's birthday which has now passed:

you wrote back again recently asking for updates when i previously mentioned it would take the same 2-3 weeks. i cant even send you your order beforehand because i didnt even have the books. but when i finally did i sent out your copy the next day instantly. i dont understand why you filed a paypal claim (under "item not received") against me on the same day i shipped out your order. and you even lied about me on the dispute notes which i can obviously read on my end. you asked for shipping info in which i cant even really send anything because you actively chose not to have your package tracked, and you are never satisfied with any answer i had my friends give you :(

i implore you to just reach out to me personally here but you dont even reply to emails anymore. if you feel vindicated bullying a small artist trying to share their works to people then you've did it because i give up.

im sorry i dont know what you want from me.

[ranhaitanisgf]

Hello. Can I have headcanons with Angry with “flower shop” and “watching the sunset”. One day he accompanied someone to a flower shop and met y/n there. And she gave him a blue flower, the colour of his hair. So everytime they see each other, she gives him blue flowers. And then he surprises her by asking her out on a date and giving her a large bouquet of flowers and at the end of the date they watched the sunset together. I hope I made sense. Thank you 😊.

— souya [angry] kawata // flower shop // watching the sunset

☆ ˎˊ˗ last 2k event req !!!! cant believe i actually got through all of them, even after taking 2 years off !!!! i hope you all enjoy xoxo

☆ ˎˊ˗ gn!reader

☆ ˎˊ˗ wc ; 1.3k+

masterlist || 2k masterlist

❥ a blue flower. 

❥ souya is blinking at you, his gaze shifting to look at the flower, then you, then back to the flower. are you giving this to him? why? he wasn’t the one who was buying flowers here, right?

“here, take it! it matches the color of your hair!”  “oh…okay.” 

❥ after he leaves the shop with smiley, he still isn’t sure what to make of the interaction, though he’s kicking himself a bit at the fact that all he’d responded with was just the two plain words. he didn’t even say thank you! that was considered impolite, right? why was he so shaken by something random like that? 

❥ his thoughts were distracting him so much to the point that he was able to ignore smiley’s incessant teasing and comments about the interactions, (actually, he is thankful for that). even when they had been home for hours, he still was eyes the flower in his hand, gently twirling the stem as he stared into the pastel blue color of the petals. 

❥ souya doesn’t know anything about flowers, so it takes him a while to find the name of the flower. at first, he tried asking smiley, but he had obviously responded with…

“hah? i dunno anything about flowers.”

❥ he doesn’t know why he thought smiley would know. 

❥ and so, souya walked over to the local library, feeling a little bit nervous about being there, (he thinks everyone somehow knows he’s never been there in his life and that he doesn’t know what he’s doing at all). it takes him a while, but he eventually finds a flower reference book, his eyes widening in surprise as he realized that, wow, this book is so huge…

❥ he’s not one to give up from a challenge though, so he grabbed the book, taking it and laying it on the table next to him as he takes a seat. he begins to page through the heavy tome, the blue flower next to him as he compared it to the pictures in the book. it’s a bit of a tedious task, but strangely enough he finds himself enjoying it. 

❥ he eventually finds the name; a cornflower. it took him longer than expected to find it, but it was because the color in the book made the color of the flower seem more purple, (he thinks there’s a chance he still got it wrong, but he’s pretty sure). he’s not sure what to do with this information now, but he’s satisfied with it. 

❥ the next time he sees you is at school, surprisingly. he had never really taken much of an interest in the people in his classes, only following smiley around school on the days that they would attend. so, when he sees you walking with your friends in the hallway, it’s out of the blue for him to be staring at you. smiley had already known something was up, but now that he had the full story, he was absolutely itching to get his little brother to make a move. 

“oi, (l/n)!”

❥ smiley only laughed at his brother’s stupefied expression, waving at you when you looked back, (of course smiley knows you, why else would he have gone into your family’s flower store?). you also noticed souya, remembering something as you began to dig in your bag. 

❥ you jogged over to the brothers, pulling out…another blue flower? 

“here!”

❥ with your friends calling out to you to hurry up, you took the flower and carefully placed the stem of it in his hand, curling his fingers around it before you rejoined your friends, your laugh reverberating beautifully around the hallway as you left, (at least it did to souya). 

❥ the first time, he blamed it on the the surprise of the situation, but souya doesn’t have an excuse this time. his second encounter with you had ended with him not saying even one word, just staring and nodding at you dumbly as you walked away, holding another blue flower in his hand. 

❥ however, different from last time, his thoughts were were more chaotic, scurrying around his mins trying to come up with explanations and solutions. why were you giving him flowers? why can’t he speak with you? why are you so cute- wait, what?!

❥ nonetheless, the day ended with him visiting the library once again, pulling out the same flower reference book as before, flipping through the colored pages and comparing them with the new flower he had received. 

❥ it took longer this time, but his diligence got him to the answer; blue hydrangea. satisfied, he went home, smiley endlessly teasing him about the small interaction with you today, (despite the teasing, it only made him smile because he was thinking of you). 

❥ after his second failure, he decides enough is enough! on a very spur of the moment decision, he makes an order for a small bouquet of flowers, (he wants to get larger, but he is also very broke) and decides that today he will ask you out!

❥ not that he knows how he’s going to go about that. 

❥ he doesn’t even bother asking smiley for any help; actually, scratch that, he doesn’t go to anyone for help. he is completely on his own, going based off of things he’s seen in mangas and tv shows, (is this actually going to help him? he has no idea). 

❥ souya doesn’t know what he’s doing, but he’s decided not to think about it too much as he goes to pick up the flowers, carrying them carefully while he walks to your family’s flower shop. 

❥ he finds that it’s hard not to think too much when your smiling face is right in front of him, asking if you can help him, are you alright? is something wrong?

“i…can i take you…out…?” “haha, i was wondering when you would ask!” 

❥ he’s not sure how, but it worked, (how did it work?!). he hadn’t planned or even thought this far ahead, so he was a bit flustered and unsure how to proceed when you immediately clocked out, telling him that the two of you could go out right now, (right now?! what does he do?!). 

❥ the only thing that comes to mind is taking you somewhere to watch the sunset, (it should be around that time soon, right?) so that’s what he decides on, stumbling over his words as you make conversation with him. 

❥ it doesn’t take long for the two of you to end up near the river side, providing a perfect view of the already setting sun. in all honesty, souya has been bumbling and stuttering over his words, not having any sort of clear and coherent thought about what to say to you. it’s why he has mostly kept with listening to you talk; he’s been enjoying hearing about the random things that have happened in your day and how they sold out of my favorite bread, again!! i swear i’ll get it tomorrow, even if i have to fight everyone in the lunch line!

❥ he is now hesitantly sitting down next to you, silence hanging between the two of you as the colors of orange and pink bloomed in the sky, purple settling in the distance. you suddenly brga to shuffle around in your bag for something, the rustling noise fitting into the rustling of the grass.

“here!”

❥ another blue flower. 

“blue hydrangea…”  “oh? wow! how did you know that?” “...i looked it up in the library.” “haha, you could’ve just asked me if you were curious! that’s so cute though~” 

❥ souya went back home that night smiling and talking to him, (smiley insists that you broke him).

[thatfoxnamedfinley]

To Erase the Past aka Words of Radiance thoughts

Why yes, I was awake until 5:00AM finishing this book, thank you for asking and understanding

Why no, I'm not okay

I'm so proud of Shallan

I'm so disappointed in Moash

I'm so thankful for Kaladin

I'm so triggered by Tangerine (I know this isn't his name but that's what I'm calling him, throw him into the pile with Capsule)

I've become a Dalinar apologist

YOU KNOW THE DRILL

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

Lets GOOOOOooOOOOoooOooooooOOOOo

So last night, I'm whooping and hollering. Sweating. Fist pumping. Being trampled by the last sequences in the book. It's 3:00AM. My roommate who fell asleep downstairs finally makes it up to his room. He looks into my room, eyebrow raised.

Him: I could hear you downstairs.

Me: Okay?

Him: ......it was bad

Me: ...

That is a quick summary of my thoughts of this book. I feel like between these two books I've read like 2 trilogies.

BITCH I KNEW JASNAH WASN'T DEAD, I FUCKING KNEW IT. I EVEN SLAMMED THE BOOK SHUT AND STOOD UP LIKE "I BET YOUR ASS SHE IS IN SHADESMAR SOMEHOW"

*sits down and takes a deep breath*

So apparently Shadesmar is the mythological kingdom of the spren

PATTERN IS AMAZING, I loved him. Ok ok ok when he was first introduced and Shallan and Jasnah were like "damn I'm kinda disappointed." and Jasnah was like "He's a little..."

and Shallan was like *nods sadly* "He's a little retarded?" and Pattern is like spinning in circles in the corner of the room and trying to get up walls but keeps like, slowly sliding down

I almost spat my water out

ok ok so Kaladin is a Surgebinder, Shallan a Lightweaver, Dalinar a Bondsmith and Renarin (wtf this kid is so weird bro) is a...Truthwatcher

Ok I'm sorry, let me consult my notes because my mind is ALL OVER THE PLACE

Very early the glyphs appeared and honestly, we all knew it was the Everstorm. Dalinar FINALLY knowing he wasn't crazy was just so good. There was a moment after the first set appeared and Dalinar is listening to the people in the room. His inner dialogue is to have a straight back and head up despite his exhaustion. Telling himself to be in control. And I'm like DAMN this man really is a leader amongst men. The way he carries himself is just so GENERAL like and so so good!

Even though Dalinar apparently had the fewest pages dedicated to him this book, it really felt like he was looming over the story with how much of this seems to center around him (uniting Alethkar) and how many of the character's POV's intersect with what he doing.

Jasnah? Thinks Dalinar may be one of the best men she has ever known. Syl? Loves Dalinar and thinks he's a good man. Kaladin? Has several moments when he realizes that yes, Dalinar IS a good man and he MUST live. Hell, he was almost part of a plot to kill the king because he and that crew he met were like "Bro, Dalinar should be the king. We all know it." And at first Kaladin was like WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE WE CANT KILL THE KING WERE PROTECTING HIM WTF ARE YOU- wait...Dalinar the king instead?

Kaladin was like

Sadeas was such a bitter ex boyfriend. When he asked his wife to activate all her spies to find something to hurt Dalinar with I'm like BRO WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING DAMAGE DUDE. Admitting to himself that even if Dalinar was the Blackthorn and was still the conquering warlord, he'd kill him regardless because he wanted to be at the top was telling because I was really wondering if he'd ever admit it.

((Adolin sniping tf outta him was so fucking satisfying. Holy SHIT))

Shallan. Ooooouuu girlie! GIRLIE!!! The CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!!!!! I liked her in book 1 despite many people saying she was a weakness in the book because Dalinar and Kaladin were just much more INTERESTING than her POV. Brandon Sanderson said "lol ok BET" and look what we got. A cesspit of trauma and growth. The goal? To find Urithiru because it holds secrets of the Voidbringers. Oh, and marry Adolin. Oh, and infiltrate the Ghost Bloods. Oh, AND SAVE THE ENTIRE WORLD NO FUCKING PROBLEM

HOLYYY FUCKKKKK THE REVELATION THAT SHE KILLED HER MOTHER HOLY ACTUAL FUCKKK!! Her dad was PROTECTING HER by making everyone think he did it! I sat back in my chair like yo WTF Shallan. You murked your mom AND your dad. Holy fuck. And I guess her mom tried to kill her because she said Shallan was "one of them" and had powers at a younger age? When we meet Pattern, this isn't the first time Shallan has. Hints to it but Shallan's brain just

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETT

dissociation

The flashbacks were so good. Seeing her brothers (RIP to Heleran, Balat is NUTS he abuses animals and pulls legs off crabs). Her father was horrible. Being surrounded by all the constant yelling, the fear. Being put in her corner and not speaking. Her humor helping her brothers. Despite how afraid she is, it is SHE that holds the family together. It was SHE who got her gambling brother free, who made her brothers laugh.

OOOOO When she was about to join the caravans, there was a line she said...

"What would you do, Vathah," Shallan said in a loud voice, "to erase the past?"

And it's pitch black and you hear the screams of the caravans being attacked by bandits and she's standing on the sand and she's Lightweaving an illusion that she's a QUEEN and her hair is blowing around her and now KNOWING her past I'm like holy FUCK that was so GOOD!!!!

(I was also like holy fuck THERE's Gaz!)

oMg when Jasnah was "assassinated" I did indeed gasp. When Shallan watched the guy stab her in the chest with a knife I was like NO FUCKING WAY BITCH but Sanderson was clever. By NOT having her in the rest of the book and bringing her back in the EPILOGUE it didn't feel like we were cheated. Because Jasnah's death was a huge motivator to Shallan and a catalyst to her change in the book.

yo Shallan is so smart. This bitch infiltrated the Ghostbloods with ALMOST ease because of her abilities. WHEN SHE WENT TO THE HERALD AND AMARAM WAS THERE AND SHALLAN WAS IN THE CORNER like

I'm like this bitch is about to be a fucking PROBLEM

watch for that dark haired cunt in a rimmed hat

rumor has it her name is Veil

ok random gear switch

Sadeas CASUALLY talking about killing Dalinar and Elhokar? BRO what is your DAMAGE???? I get that Alethi are super ambitious and war driven but WTF Sadeas

OOOOOOMGGGGGG

WHEN SZETH CAME BITCH

OOOOMMMMFFGGG I SCREAMED

The chapter was entitled The One Who Hates

like excuse me bitch?

One of my bookmarked notes in my audiobook is "No spren guides him. WHAT????? HOW SWAY????"

We learn later on the nature of his blade but STILL. In the moment I was freaking out. Kaladin has that dream and knew something was wrong. He and Adolin and Dalinar are f.i.g.h.t.i.n.g. f.o.r t.h.e.i.r l.i.v.e.s and Szeth is flying around, sending Adolin flying up to the ceiling and he cuts Kaladin's arm and it goes grey and I'm just reading this chapter

UNSTABLE

UNWELL

My heart was beating so fucking fast. Dalinar is like

"YOU TOOK MY BROTHER FROM ME. YOU WILL NOT TAKE THE KING, YOU WILL NOT TAKE THE ONLY THING OF HIM I HAVE LEFT"

And Szeth is like

"I'm not here for him, Highprince. I'm here for you." Then Dalinar CATCHES the Shardblade in his bare fucking hands and Kaladin and Szeth fall midair from the window and then Szeth flees after Kaladin heals and shows his powers and I'm SHOUTING at the spine of the book

(Adolin sitting outside his father's room the rest of that night because he was scared Szeth would come back to kill his father was just...UGH I LOVE the relationship Adolin and Dalinar have. Adolin idolizes his father so MUCH)

and and and

that part with Shallan (I am so frazzled I'm so sorry I've barely had any sleep and this book HAUNTS me do you understand it HAUNTS me...I had a dream last night about this book)

"Can't run, can't run, can't run....

FIGHT."

And she attacks Tyn and kills her with a SHARDBLADE

Oh I'm sorry? Hello? WHAT???? WTFFF BITCH???

A SHARDBLADDDEEEEEEEE????!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!? I just got goosies again bitch omg I'm actually panting hold on give me a moment

ok sidenote but The Stormfather is kind of a dick???? And to be fair, I'm going to assume after as many Desolations as there were that the spren are tired of helping humanity maybe and that's what Stormfather is talking about. Like "bro this is not my first, second, third or even eightieth rodeo. everytime it's the same and SOMEHOW humanity still finds new and clever ways to disappoint me. So...HELP YOU? lmfao" And I know we'll learn more about it so I'm willing to accept that thought process for now but at the end when he's talking to Dalinar (EXCUSE ME IS THE STORMFATHER DALINAR'S *SPREN* NOW???????????) I was like this Stormfather is a little bit of a bitch. This was my INITIAL reading because my adrenaline was still through the roof after

KALADIN FOUGHT SZETH AND SHALLAN TELEPORTED THE ARMY TO URITHIRU

but after thinking about it I was like yeah no I get it. He's seen this movie in theaters so many times and has to pretend to be excited but he really is just pissed his friends keep forcing him to come

Sebarial and Wit were iconic. Their insults were so fucking good. During the end when they were all making their way to the Oathgate and Sebarial was drunk and Palona was reading a book and Dalinar was like ????

AMARAM GOT PUT IN HIS PLACE bye bitch

Aladar, Roion (r.i.p you cowardly prince, you actually did us a solid in the end, and I underestimated both you and your kin. salute) and Sebarial joining him to form a force of 30k against the Parshendi that were SINGING THEIR LITTLE HEARTS OUT for the apocalypse

KALADIN REALIZING THAT ELOKHAR WAS DALINAR'S TIEN ARRGgggggg *squeezes stress ball*

Then Syl. My glorious Syl.

"YOUT WILL MATTERS NOT!" Syl shouted. "YOU CANNOT HOLD ME BACK IF HE SPEAKS THE WORDS! KALADIN! SAY THEM!"

BITCHHHHH I was *unhinged* Then Kaladin lit up like a fucking Christmas tree

I am so disappointed in Moash. I want to say I get it but like...MOASH. REALLY? After all that? After being Kaladin's friend and OH YOU KNOW him giving you a Shardblade and Plate because he trusted you and now we're here

Though he did get 1/18th of a brownie point for not letting anyone else touch Kaladin. Then he lost 1,476,998 brownie points for punching Kaladin so hard that his ribs broke INWARD. "Oops I hit him harder than I meant to." Are you fucking kidding me Moash. Are you? Because you're an EMBARRASSMENT. I hope when we see him next it's ON SITE. Count your fucking days, bro

So...Szeth's weapon was an Honorblade, a weapon of the Heralds....? And two of them are back? The one that Amaram snatched up (Herald of War) and the one that saved Szeth (Herald of Justice). They are returning. So now Szeth is just a normal human being with a normal life...? I'm very VERY interested in Szeth's development and where he goes. I want him on our side so bad and idk how tf Brandon Sanderson plans to do it but I just need it to happen

Adolin murdering Sadeas was SO satisfying. Sadeas going on and on and ON. That isn't it SO CONVENENIENT that the head of Dalinar's guard and Adolin's betrothed are both Radiants and that Dalinar has an ulterior motive. And Adolin is like WHY SADEAS? WHY are you like this. What is your damage? And Sadeas is like WELL if Dalinar stays alive then I can't be more powerful, so lololololol

And Adolin is like

OMG I FORGOT tO MENTION ADOLIN's DUEL

amazing. so good. captivating. unexpected. Adolin grappling from behind and they won!

"Dalinar growled softly. It was a sound Kaladin had never heard from him, The growl of a beast on a chain. It surprised him. " ooohhh?????

And no one standing to help and Kaladin like "literally hold my beer" then when he asked for his boon I was like welp FUCK here we go

Then he was thrown in jail and I was like YUP that tracks

I absolutely LOVED his book. Truly. I liked it better than the first if that's even possible. It made me appreciate book 1 even more because of the world building and set up.

side notes from my audiobook bookmarks:

Kaladin mentions Dalinar's eyes a lot mmmhmmmm

"Dalinar Kholin slowly stood up. He moved like a rolling boulder. Inevitable, implacable." oh. OH?

PATTERN CAN READ DAWNCHANT what a g

"I wouldn't want you to go flying off on me. You know, flying off in an angry tirade." Wit is a legend, I love that he seems to be all knowing and everywhere he needs to be for certain characters. WHO/WHAT IS HE?

Renarin is...I don't have words. What in Damnation are you doing, man? Because he's llike WERE ALL GUNNA DIE WERE ALL GUNNA DIE then they don't so like...how reliable are his Truthwatching abilities?

Shallan and Kaladin EYEBALLING EACH OTHER????? Thinking about each other????? HMMMMMMM???

"He danced with the slayer of kings" HOLLLLYYY FUCK IM *UNHINGED* RN DALINAR YOU ARE TRULY A GOAT AMONGST GOATS <- actually quote from my bookmark

Gallant not fleeing the battlefield is actually iconic

Shallan and Dalinar looking out below and people teleporting to their location and saying "Life before Death, Radiant" is, I fear, legendary

Ok phew I'm so tired from this post, I needed to spit my thoughts out before reading book 3 (which is apparently about Dalinar and I am already such a Dalinar apologist that I can't WAIT)

ok bye *snooze*

OH!! AND TANGERINE BEING EItHER RETARDED OR A GENIUS ON ANY GIVEN DAY bro WHAT and THAT is what you're going off of? THAT is why you're assassinating everyone???? Bro you are FUCKED

[jesslockwood]

Someone just said that Anthony Lockwood is not a people pleaser and I’d like to dive into why I personally think he is. 

Fair warning: this is just my opinion on my psych evaluations of his character as someone who is a chronic people pleaser and has gone to therapy for it. I’m also an actor so it’s literally my job to figure out why characters tick for the portrayal of them on stage or screen. this is a fictional character so don’t attack me lol.

you’re obviously entitled to your own opinion but I just wanted to give mine :)

!!!SOME BOOK SPOILERS!!!

the deep dive below the cut

Okay so he may seem to most people like a narcissistic character type (from people telling me that that’s what they think) but from what I see is more that he craves to be seen and heard and wants others to feel the same, and does anything even if it hurts others (like the tv public appearance) to satisfy it the craving of being loved and accepted and believed that he’s right whether he agrees with it himself or not. I do think there’s a lot more from the childhood trauma that affects him also to be a hero, and to have a saviour complex almost because he’d rather die a hero and let others live than the pain of himself losing more people. so yes that’s the main part of what his character’s made up of but he still is a people pleaser.

He has the urge to make sure people (like Lucy) feel heard and seen (because that’s all he’s ever wanted), and when for example she says she talked to the skull you can tell he has this internal battle because he wants her to feel pleased with his answer, and even though it’s an unbelievable phenomenon he chooses to hear her and make her feel seen the way he’s always wanted for himself. People pleasers stem when your needs are not met, (if it be from emotionally unavailable parents or like Lockwood, his parents physically weren’t there for him to have his needs met by them and I think he wants to make them proud due to their deaths and always craving more attention and love because he never got enough due to his situation) and you’re left to your own devices to figure out how to not rock the boat yourself when its metaphorically already in a storm. its almost like he cant say no to Lucy or disagree because she meets some of his needs when he’s agreeable. which I can relate to finding people who meet your needs because they're paying attention to you (like George says you “because you like the way she looks at you”) and that’s why he gives her 100% of his devotion, and acceptance and love, hoping she’ll at lest give 1%. (I’m not saying though that Lucy give 1% that’s just how people pleasers work)

I think though with Lockwood and George, George just doesn't have the capacity to give Lockwood what he so desperately wants, at least to the degree he wants, so he turns to Lucy when she’s in the picture. he even at the funeral was like ‘oh my god its Penelope Fittes!!!’ internally looking for validation of what he did. 

Lastly people pleasers can be selfish. I’ve seen it in myself a lot, and people I know and have been told as to why talking to my therapist. Like my ex best friend is a people pleaser, and she got a boyfriend and because he started giving her the validation and “love” she so desperately wanted, she forgot about me and the rest of her friends. she traded us because she found someone who can give her what's she’s craving more at the moment, and clinging onto it for dear life instead of dealing with why she wants that so badly. like I said with the tv interview with the Annabel case and with him calling Lucy an asset, because he wants to be one so bad and have the spotlight for that validation so badly. I will funnily say this is why a lot of people want to be actors, or in the entertainment industry, because there’s a higher chance someone will watch them and praise them for their work.

if you’ve made it this far thanks for listening :)))

[puhpandas]

I don’t think I’ll ever know peace until we get an official sb remaster. I need to play the intended game SO badly it’s unreal.

Most people want a remaster already, and I think they should seriously consider it. I want to see a glow up so bad. I don’t want Vanny Vanessa to return in a new game, I think that would undo what little of an arc she has, but I just really want her done well in sb. I want the other characters to be given better treatment too, as tired as people are with the setting and characters, they don’t feel finished and I don’t feel satisfied. Besides, a very strong criticism I have with sb is that it lacks outside characters and world-building, so to go back and give mentions to book characters/events would completely revitalize the game and keep Tales relevant. I get they’re working on other projects atm and don’t even want to look in sb’s direction but man, they’re gonna have to address the game’s issues eventually

man I wish it was possible for them to remaster SB but it just isnt. scott calls the shots at the end of the day, and because SB wasnt how he envisioned it (because he didnt tell them any fucking thing) is why it ended up like this. the version of SB we saw in trailers and promotional material was STEEL WOOLS version, their ideas and campaign. and because they thought afton was the villain, they designed the story around afton. lines from trailers like "you will do as I say, both of you will burn" were 100% him, and would have been majorly story relevant. the whole reason SB got canned was because they had to course correct to mimic, and they can salvage nothing but they couldnt salvage the completely wrong villain

and weve been in this 'mimic course correction and history lesson' era for soo long. I'm just as ready as you to finally get justice for the SB plots and characters, but I dont think it'll be in the form of a remaster. a remaster would mean remaking the game either with mimic as a villain, greatly changing it, or restoring SWs afton plot, and I just can't see it happening

but the good news is that theres no way in hell they arent building up vanny to be important again, with the entire nature of Vannys face being spread around for employees to use and her tagging still existing and cassie in ruin wearing her face. especially with lines like "that mask suits you" I cant see a world where she doesnt make a comeback inside cassie and has another chance to shine

also with ggy hints and just. the end of the mimics reign of terror being marked with sotm, theres gonna finally be room after the mimic shit for steel wool to actually cook with writing again, and theyll be collabing with Scott so theyll hopefully have the same level of great writing as ruin did, and also the tapes in SB

it sucks that it ended up this way but were on track to at least seeing their potential realized in a different kind of campaign, which is all I've wanted for 3 years lmaoo. steel wool just truly has not had room to talk about them with all this focus on mimic and prequels and the past and shit, where they wouldnt be relevant. after the mimic is finally just. IN the stupid story already, theyll be progressing it finally and ggy vanny vanny!cassie vanessa Gregory freddy etc will all finally at least be on track to appearing again. I'll take any Ws I can get. SW is genuinely good at writing the human characters if how they wrote cassie is any indication, so once they actually SHOW UP again, which has been the problem this whole time, then we'll be talking

[agentrouka-blog]

Regarding that post about 'Magical Targ Gene Attraction TM~✨'- as someone who has tried to read Jonerice fics before, some of those fics really do feel like that. Just instant attraction and pulled by magic cuz they cant be bothered to write genuine connection and actual bonding and chemistry.

Honestly? At the end of the day the main reason why I dislike this ship so much is because it gives me way too much Pretty White People couple you see in a lot of YA romances. Its so boring and def not the type of ship I want for a series like ASOIAF

(post referenced)

Yes, boring is about the only way to describe it.

Magical leads with elemental imagery are heirs to fallen dynasty, propelled into leadership positions in run-up to apocalyptic struggle, somehow inevitably fall in love to reinforce each other's Very Special Status and, thus mutually amplified, fulfill their magical lead destinies - magically.

It's the most superficial and bland reading in the world. All tropes, no substance, no twist, no development, no meaningful engagement with the central questions of the book series. I saw it be a popular theory in the fandom way back when I was a casual reader and show watcher and had never heard about jonsa yet. I was bored to tears and went right back to focusing on my darlings Sansa and Arya and Jaime and Brienne - characters whose plots seemed actually connected to character development.

Jonerys - especially this unsurprising idea of an inescapable 🌟magical connection🌟 - has nothing to do with who they are as characters or the actual meat of their individual arcs. It, in fact, utterly relies on ignoring those things. It almost requires their attraction to be forced by external factors to overcome the logical barriers inherent in their very characters.

That's why it felt so startling and satisfying when the show seemed to veer right past that stupid theory and let them be enemies in Season 7 at first. Suddenly, there was logic, compelling and consistent conflict, a deliberate crushing of that bland development everyone had been taking for granted. It was exciting! It made sense!

(I was far away from discovering jonsa as a theory then, btw.)

And then they took that away. And it felt just as bland and unmotivated as the pairing was always inevitably going to be. It relied on ignoring their characters and their arcs as it was always inevitably going to have to. Because there's no 🌟magical attraction🌟 in an adult series about political power struggles and ethical ruling and conflict management in the face of apocalyptic destruction. Only a yawning, underwhelmed "why?"

I know why I don't believe this couple will be a thing in the books. It's bad.

[kindestegg]

What do you think of Collie going back to the sky. Because the way I see it, he's either all alone up there (probably not good for a young child) or he's gone back to living with the other collectors/archivists (which is probably also not good), Maybe he has found a guardian up there who aren't like his old siblings, an entire species of people can't all be bad, right?

hmmm... well first of all, i would like to say i personally never was a fan of the whole "collectors are emotionless assholes by default but our colly is ⁂⁕special⁕⁂ so hes different" like THATS SO STUPID!!! AND DEFEATS SO MUCH OF THE PURPOSE OF IT BEING IMPACTFUL HE CHOSE BY HIMSELF TO BE GOOD! i think the collector/archivist species is likely very very complicated and has a very rich history and hierarchy we just will never know abt in canon bc 1. theyre not the focus here and 2. well it kind of. ended. so.

BUT WELL. RIGHT! COLLYS FATE! SO UHM.

well. i have good n i have bad feelings about it.

ill start with the bad: i do wish we had seen more of him in the future timeskip, and that he had gotten a more permanent residence. i thiiink the archives are still intact around the titan skull (dont quote me on it though id need to look again), so, no reason why my future idea couldnt be canon with him living there n repurposing them. i think theres definitely a better solution than just sending him away, he couldve still had his little corner to learn stuff, just closer to the ppl he loves n that DO love him back.

HOWEVER.

heres where the good starts: i think it was actually a good idea for him to not become a noceda or a clawthorne. first of all because there was not enough of a bond between himself n those families to want to adopt him, specially there was a lot of trauma involved that cant be erased with how much he wishes to be good for them now. they still clearly care about each other, but theyre not family, maybe theyll never be, n thats fine. theres also another reason, but going into it would require... me being pretty bold about something thats been nagging on my brain ever since the episode aired, and actually talking about that might devolve into a bigger post in and of itself. i MAY make that post in the future and lose my fear of talking about, but im being cautious for now. all im gonna say about it atm is that if they had made him a noceda or a clawthorne, making him kings sibling, it wouldve made things... very awkward. and bad. so.

i think theres also a pretty fatalistic pessimistic way the fandom seems to be viewing this end: its never stated colly went back to the archivists at all, just "the stars", and its not even immediately after the finale events neither is it permanent- he had to have stayed around at least long enough to make that new portal door, and he visits frequently if king mentioning him being around to do something for luzs bday is any indication (not to mention that book lilith was holding that seemed to be about titans and collectors - i think colly mustve helped with info for that right).

me and the archive house server have actually been discussing this quite a bit, and we have reached the conclusion that the best way to describe this was that they "pulled a snufkin". collector is a space vagabond that travels around once in a while and then eventually always comes back to tell of their spoils to the people he still cares about most. and while that may not be satisfying to people who wanted him to be lovingly adopted into a welcoming family, i think its a good enough fate considering he might not even want a family out of the clawthornes, but rather just to be close to king.

and im sure maybe in the future he might decide to settle again at the isles for a more permanent residence. the future is in OUR hands now! we decide what to do with these characters and their future lives, and ive got a LOT of ideas.

[hanabeeri]

i am forcing myself to finish little women. because aaaah i'm so sad and not satisfied with the way things are ending.

jo is basically like alcott herself in many ways, alcott didn't want her to marry anyone initially, which is fine - but to marry her off to some old man that "tamed" her free spirit is so AAAAAAH frustrating!!! the same if teddy!!! he didn't want to fit into the world that was already set for him, he didn't want any of it and he was still paired up with the one sister that appreciated good manners and the old world more than anything; that quite literally tamed him, too.

burn me on a stake but i will die with the belief that jo and teddy should have been together. if not as a married couple than as lovers to defy societal standards of the times. and i know deep in my heart that they would have fit 😭 ms alcott once i'm dead i'm finding your soul and you will sit through days upon days of my crying because NOOOOOO!!!! if jo really HAD to marry someone it should have been the only man that didn't try to change her!

they deserved so much better. the relationships felt so unnatural and forced. i can get behind the marriage of meg and john, it's sweet and as traditional as it gets. but jo and teddy could have been the complete opposite. and the relationship between them was building up!!!! like you could tell he really liked her from an early point :(((

JO YOU DESERVED BETTER THAN SOME GERMAN OLD MAN 😭😭😭😭😭 she deserved a teddy that would have defied societal expectations and norms, a relationship between them may have been fiery and at times fierce but you can't seriously think that a boy who was set to reach his full potential in his studies to make jo love him, wouldn't have done more to keep the love going? it just doesn't make sense. and maybe, maybe i'm just a little bit misinterpreting and coping (i am ahahaha) but i truly do believe that she would have fallen in love with him for real :( if only he would have tried at a later time when he was more figured out. not tamed, not more mature or nursing. but independent, when he would have realized that he shouldn't have had to impress her in the first place, that she loves people for what they are not for what they try to be 😭

but i do understand that my thinking may be too progressed for the time alcott lived in. perhaps she was forced to alternate a lot of things. but it still doesn't do anything to console my heart :(

anyways. i'll finish the book today. and then i will need some good therapy.

update: therapy won't be enough. I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 why must books hurt me like this, everytime omg 🥹🥹

[mattiswrite]

03.06.2024

14:14:14

getting an autism diagnosis is a lot like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly

as a caterpillar, you stay too long, others are changing without you. you cant keep up. you wonder when it will be your turn. people are either afraid of you, and come up with reasons to avoid you, or they hold you and infantilize you, youre no longer on your own, but youre not supported and taken care of either.

considering being autistic, and getting officially told youre autistic, puts you in a cocoon. you spend so much time thinking about your past. your future. who you are now. why everything does make sense. how so many things dont make sense. you begin to close off, form a chrysalis to better protect yourself, to wait until youre ready. for, well, everything. you take months, adjusting to the context of your life, realizing why you never quite fit in, realizing why no matter how hard you tried to be normal it was never going to work, why some things seemed so easy for others and so hard for you, why things were so easy for you and so hard for others, replaying every “friendship”, conversation, interaction. every time someone laughed at you. every time someone made you feel worse, without knowing why it was so different for you. then youre angry. angry at the diagnosis. angry from the past. angry that things were not figured out sooner. angry about how you were treated. its worse than the sadness of how you were treated as a kid, its harsher than the sadness of being diagnosed late. the anger hardens you. makes you more firm in your diagnosis. the anger makes you more fierce to protect and care for yourself, to buy more autistic friendly things, to buy more self and sensory friendly things. the anger forces you to respect and care for yourself while you have this burning new energy. 

and then it all stops, and youre laying there, with everything. information, old and new. experiences from times past, questions about your future experiences. youre tired. still from all your questions, your fears, your worries and wonders. there you are. in your self made chrysalis. should you have even bothered getting a diagnosis. who are you now? 

youre tired. youre burnt out, from all of your life, pushing to keep going like everyone else was. youre tired from pretending. youre tired of fighting. you need the rest. you take time, and you just, sit with yourself, your experiences. you sleep and wake up, days passing. youre tired of learning about yourself, about all your horrible and different experiences being re-contextualized.

why fight it. it was so clear to everyone else that you were different. and now you have your answer. so why arent you satisfied. will you ever be satisfied?  

but you can only question yourself for so long, pushing back at yourself, hurting yourself further by burying yourself in painful memories and self-antagonizing questions. so you decide to give up, wallow in the change in your life, until you realize, there is no change. the change is you learning how to support and care for yourself. the change is that you know what to do now, at least some of the times. the change is you can use resources, friends, online communities, books. theres tools now to help you, and they're all out there. so you decide to research, and look further into what helps you specifically, learning more about your own needs. you take the time to learn about and care for yourself. and that makes you feel better. being able to care for yourself, properly this time, is huge. you now have protective gear, and when you go out and see things related to your specific interests you no longer put yourself down for liking them, but feel confident in your choices and embrace who you are. before you know it, the chrysalis is breaking, and youre coming out as a butterfly.

a butterfly who designed its own wings.

you've changed. but you took your time.

you're not quite confident in what the future holds, but you know that you have better tools and understanding for and of yourself.

maybe you're not ready to fly, but you know you can now.

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

I re-read my post about chapters 22-30 and I realized that theres so much I just fully forgot to mention, mostly relating to the inner circle so heres a quick summary of my thoughts about each ic member now that Im about halfway through the book and have spent some time with them. To briefly recap my previous thoughts, I think their group dynamic is insanely uncomfortable because of how apparent their hierarchy is and also none of them seem to actually like each other all that much

Amren

I dont dislike her in the sense that I dont dislike her personality or the basic concept of her character, but I do hate that shes in the inner circle at all. Like, whats this eldritch creature trapped in a body thats not her own doing hanging out with all these boring people ass people FOR 500 YEARS dude, if I had to spend 500 years with Rhysand I would destroy the entire night court regardless of whether or not I had Amren-levels of power. Like, why on earth would she be satisfied playing second fiddle to Rhysand and living in an APARTMENT in his stupid °•~City of Starlight~•° when shes supposed to be like a billion years old and a thousand times more powerful than him. I feel like itd be interesting to explore that but I know that we really dont from watching cari can read's summaries, so she just ends up being a character thats supposed to be interesting because shes so mysterious but is actually so shrouded in intrigue that it turns around and she just becomes boring again

Mor

When I first met her I said that something about her bothered me but I couldnt put my finger on what it was, but that I still kinda liked her because she atleast annoyed Rhysand. She really hasnt annoyed Rhys in any way since her and Feyres first meeting so I like her less because of that and also because shes mostly just boring to me at the moment. I think another reason why I dont particularly like her is that she feels so intrinsically tied to the misogyny of this world that just suddenly materialized in this book and its really annoying, I would like to avoid that subplot as much as possible. She basically just exists to give Feyre a female friend at the Night Court and to show her that you can totally girlboss your way out of a misogynistic system! But you cant dismantle the system because uhhhhhhhh. change is like a glacier because its slow

Also, shes obviously meant to parallel Ianthe, like shes supposed to be the better version of her, but I cant even imagine her and Feyre making out sloppy style toxic yuri edition so I cant really see her as any kind of improvement. sorry

Cassian

One of my least favourite character types is Fratbro But You Put Him In A Fantasy Setting so Im not the biggest fan of this guy ngl. The one redeeming quality he has is that hes very obviously crushing on all of his friends bisexual style, especially Rhys and Azriel. Its almost a little sad but mostly its just very funny. Like whyd you wanna take their clothes at the illyrian camps so badly huh? You like seeing pretty boys squirm around naked?

Unfortunately, I know that hes gonna end up with Nesta and that hes not even gonna treat her well, my guy is gonna go from being gay because he likes men to being gay because he hates women and I am not looking forward to it

Speaking of Nessian, a lot of sjm critical anti nessian people say that Nesta and Cassian used to be so good and so genuinely romantic in ACOWAR and that their relationship got completely ruined in ACOSF and. I mean, granted they dont ever talk about Cassian behaviour towards Nesta during the meeting at her house in ACOMAF but I hated the way he was just so angry at her on Feyre's behalf when she wasnt even that mad herself, she just felt weird and bad. Of course, I havent read ACOWAR yet and I might change my mind in the future but right now, I'll just say it doesnt surprise me that Cassian would laugh at Nesta falling down the stairs

Azriel

My favourite guy!!! Out of this bunch I mean. My favourite guy in the entire ACOTAR series is probably Lucien, but if we're just talking about the jokers from the Night Court, then this guy is my favorite

I really wasnt expecting much from him, I thought he would have absolutely no personality from what Ive heard other people say about him, but hes basically exactly what I want in an edgy traumatized shadow boi. Ive talked about this before but I really dislike Rhysand and part of that is that I normally really like the archetype of the tortured edgy love interest with shadow powers but he makes it so goddamn annoying by being so flirty and cocky I just want to see him dead. But Azriel is quiet so he doesnt bothr me and also theres some intrigue about his backstory and the extend of his powes but he feels like a solid enough character that he doesnt become boring to me like Amren

I will say though, theres something particularly uncomfortable about watching anyone from the inner circle interact with him and vice versa, I think its because he seems like he doesnt actually like them more than anything else. Ive said this in a previous post, I think Cassian wants to be in a relationship good friends with him and he seems to think they have some good sunshine guy/grumpy guy banter going on but to me it just seems like Azriel genuinely dislikes him. And then he obviously doesnt trust Amren and I feel like hes in love with Mor and has been for a really long time but doesnt actually like her, I honestly feel like hes just sticking by Rhysand because he feels like he owes him and because it gives him an excuse to be close to his crush

Yknow, that I think about it maybe thats why I like him so much. I dont like the Inner Circle, he doesnt like the Inner Circle, thats a relatable king right there

[onlyjaeyun]

i know no one asked for this but i really don’t get why people have been saying you did CH dirty or that you‘re lazy.

i really don‘t think people understand that you are as a women with a job/occupation spending your free time writing for FREE on an app for everyone to read. like you don‘t even have to do this but still here you are with many works that i personally and a lot of other people really enjoyed.

i don‘t think they get that them thinking you did bad is relevant. like everyone has different tastes and that‘s ok if you didn‘t like it which you don‘t have to then don‘t.

but telling someone who obviously struggles with people telling them that their work, they put a lot of effort in, is bad (which i completely understand since it seem ppl don‘t know how to give proper constructive criticism) will just make everything worse.

if you have proper criticism you could nicely tell that person and that‘s it. actually considering that you post here on tumblr again for FREE and are not selling any books or wtv people have no right to criticise you at all.

i really need everyone to understand that you‘re doing this in your free time as a hobby(?) and that you have more important things in your life to do than trying to satisfy random people on the internet.

and for you babe please really don‘t get demotivated by comments like this. i can see from everything you‘ve put out that you enjoy writing and you‘re very good at it. but sometimes in situations like these it‘s better to take a break from things. i don‘t know you personally so obviously i cant and wont tell you to just stop writing but dont EVER feel bad for taking breaks or needing a few more days to post a new chapter. getting negative comments on something you genuinely enjoy doing can be the worst for someone and their mental health.

i love you baby take care <3

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!🤍 you basically wrote my thoughts down i cant lie, i could have not worded it better and agree 100%. i think a lot of readers nowadays (cough cough, younger ones) are so used to things being produced fast and in mass that they get super frustrated when you don't do something their way or to their liking and i'm like..you dont pay me a dime..you don't appreciate me at all..you see me as my content and not a regular human being with a life..go fuck yourself 😭😭

im so so so glad most of you guys arent as entitled and arrogant and demanding and rude, it's definitely so much easier when surrounef by all this love and support than this negative energy and i hope you know i appreciate you so much. thank you for your words baby i gope you have a great day 🥺🤍