#why can’t life just be nice
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Contrary to common belief dr. Ratio is NOT a morning person
#honkai star rail#golden ratio#ratiorine#aventio#hsr aventurine#dr ratio#sorry couldn’t be bodered to draw hands#just a silly headcanon#we kwwp getting sleepy rin I wanted a sleepy ratio too#bonus topaz cause why not?#can’t get em out of my head#gengdraws#staysafe and have a nice life 💛🌻
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I like to think that Curly and Jimmy had parallel lives on earth.
That Curly was an only child and his parents died shortly after he became a captain. They got to see his biggest accomplishment but he had no one to really celebrate it with after. Jimmy has siblings and his parents and they didn’t care when he got the co-pilot job cause he’s just the back up. Sure they’re happy for him but no reason to celebrate.
They could both barely afford rent. That’s how it is that late in capitalism and the world the live. The difference is Curly could down size, Jimmy would end up down on the curb. Jimmy had flings and Curly had partners. Both fleeting but Curly pulled away and they left Jimmy.
I like to think they lived parallel to each other in a way they both noticed. Curly felt a kinship and Jimmy felt resentful. Curly worked to make a good deal with what he had and Jimmy scorned his dealt cards and wanted the hand he thought Curly had made.
#this is like purely headcanons#I like to think where Jimmy sees Curly as being ungrateful and undeserving for what he has#he misses all the reasons why Curly may be unhappy or dissatisfied or stressed#Curly gets patted on the back and lorded by superiors not knowing they grip his shoulder and breath down his back#Curly gets a nice promotion and is stuck with a company that would send him on a death mission for mouthwash time and time again#Curly gets to steer the ship and he sits bored imagining all the fun the captains having while Curly is painfully aware one wrong move and#they all die. Jimmy says his friend is living the life and Curly can’t see the life he’s lived#but he smiles anyway cause hey atleast hes got a good friend in it…#this is not to be taken as ship I just think they have a codependent relationship based on Curly having this fear of change and acute#loneliness that Jimmy doesn’t take seriously but does take advantage of cause he’s lonely in a parallel way#like I think a big point in the game is that Curly is too good a friend and colleague to Jimmy n not enough of a friend and Captain tz#to Anya but also that Jimmy is an awful friend to him before hand and he takes it cause he has like this mindset#I hate them together but they won’t let go of each other but at different times#mouthwashing#Mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#jimmy mouthwashing
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i’m literally done with men until the day i die
#every time there’s a cute guy and we catch a vibe it either becomes clear he just wants to fuck or he starts slipping off his best behavior#y r men like this please explain#luckily i’m much more guarded than i used to be#and i’m also just hella busy so i can’t attach as quickly#but why do y’all have to be super nice then just fall OFF just be an asshole from the jump it’ll make my life easier#i literally hate it here NEXT#p
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have a good day today ❣️🦋



#life doesn’t seem to be stopping & that’s okay 🥹#the lab has been chaotic and messy#but i can’t even pinpoint why#it just IS#i’ve also started a very low maintenance part time at a small yoga studio nearby as an assistant/on-call manager#it’s kinda nice to get away to after the craziness in the lab#i get to experience peace momentarily#lmao#i go from being constantly needed to being by myself in the studio to prep before classes & boy when i tell u#that alone time is NEEDED#and VERY much appreciated#anyway i hope you’re all having a good week ✨#sending my good juju!!
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I would love to feel fulfilled and capable, but alas, I can’t shake the feeling I am completely wasting my one precious life. I’m sure a nap will solve that. Or a pizza. Or watching a movie. Don’t even worry about it, I’ll report back with my findings.
#god I feel like dogshit all the fucking time lately#showed some of my sketches to some coworkers and they both went#‘oh you’re completely wasted here why are you doing this with your life?’#thanks nice middle aged ladies! it’s cuz we are entrenched in a capitalist helllscape!#and I regrettably need money to live and this place gives me some of that!#I’m so sick of whining all the time but I am dead inside man#I’m so tired of getting up every day and it just being more of This#‘then quit your job and start over’ regret to inform I already tried that#the voices just screaming in my head all the time that my legacy is an idiot office job and little else#make something I bellow as I stare down another momentous day of fucking depression and obligation#make something you fucking waste I roar as I struggle to do the bare minimum to keep myself alive#can’t even fuckin enjoy the show I waited a year for in peace because all I see is people shitting on it#and I’m constantly worried it’ll get cancelled a#and does that matter in the grand scheme of a world descending into fascism? no! but does it matter to the tiny part of me#kept alive by art? yeah! kinda does!#cuz art’s all that’s keeping me breathing right now and I never feel like that’s enough#Christ. anyway. back to the regularly scheduled gay shit just as soon as I can. y’know. function again.
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THE KISS ON TOP OF THE HEAD OH I AM UNWELL ‼️
#except her response to that would probably be a sad little yeah cause she thinks it’s both her biggest strength and flaw#cause it allows people to trample all over her and she just…. lets it 😔 my sweet sweet bbg needs therapy so bad#and a nice cup of tea & a hug#that’s why it’s good she’s paired with morgan — she learns to start standing up for herself#but ultimately being with morgan gives her the confidence to heartbreakingly choose to not turn because she does not want immortality#she wants a human life full of love and happiness and then ….. she wants to go meet her dad#anyways crying thinking about them and this conversation to be had 😭😭😭#m book4 is absolutely gonna annihilate me#and i can’t wait <33#twc m#the wayhaven chronicles#twc book 4 demo#morgan x naaz
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@pyrotechnicarus was right, that tv can fucking glow.
#i saw the tv glow#isttvg#the set design dude#the world is just decaying around Owen as they’re dying from the inside out#everything starts losing color and we stop seeing Owen out in the bright sunlight#the only shot that’s there that’s nice and bright and wonderful is the one of maddys burial spot#the split second pause after the drive thru worker calls Owen sir#like it was just physically painful to hear and they needed a second#the fact they just start apologizing for having a breakdown but there’s still time and they shouldn’t be doing that#they phrase it as needing to become a man but really all they’re doing is killing themself slowly over time#i 100% read Maddy and Owen/Isabel and Tara as t4t love where one of them was ready to come out and move on with their life while the other#is too scared to ever change and is stuck in an endless loop of being something they’re not#Owen has the personality of wet grass but that’s the entire point#being too scared to ever be anything more than what is expected and just rotting over years and year and just hating yourself all the while#I love the part where Owen can’t verbalize why exactly their romantic attraction feels wrong#it’s wrong because they’re trans and can’t incision a life as Owen but can’t say out loud that it’s being perceived as a male in#a relationship that is the problem#the jab the dad makes about pink opaque being a girl’s show and how the dad is the one to drag Owen away from freedom in the tv#he’s holding Owen back but they’re so fucking scared to live as Isabel and are just stuck in a cycle of self loathing#but there’s still time#the reason Maddy/Tara doesn’t come back is because there is still time#but Owen has to be the one to commit to being Isabel and no one else is going to drag them into the dirt#it’s their choice alone and their inaction is a choice all on its own#no matter how much time passes as long as Owen is alive then there is still time to change but their inaction is slowly killing them#the fact they find the truth in their own chest dude that’s such a trans thing#where the fuck is my insurance card I’m calling my doctor to start t when the offices open#THERES STILL TIME MAN#THERES STILL TIME
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Happy birthday Kakavasha <3
#aventurine hsr#aventurine#honkai star rail#honkai fanart#something fun about his birthday is that kakavah can be the 5th or 6th of may#and since is not comfirmed when it was#his birthday is anothere gamble lmao#I love this#something I learned about while drawing this piece:#1. I still can’t draw eyes#(what demon should I reach to acquire such ability?)#2. I did lose some of my rendering abilities#(shame)#3. I should NOT draw on a moving train#(why did I think that was a good idea?)#anyhow I’d love some cake now#ratio got him the cake btw#rinrin is so beautiful I hope I captured even just an ounce if such beauty#gengdraws#staysafe and have a nice life 💛🌻
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had my personal assessment for work and it went well but i still felt like i could burst into tears at any given moment.
#my manager is like ‘oh you could be a strategist in the next year if you want’ and I’m like ‘i don’t even know what I’m doing tomorrow’#she’s really nice but I feel like I can’t be *chill* around her#she’ll joke around and stuff but I can tell she’s about work and stuff at the end of the day#and figuring out fucking GOALS#stupid fucking goals that is extra work outside of your already heavy workload#I hate the corporate world and the culture#I appreciate the benefits I get through work. that’s the only incentive to stay at this company and in this line of work#I just don’t care!!! I don’t care about how evolved my role!#why can’t i grow and evolve outside of work#how can i find value in myself outside of work#when we’re so conditioned to equate our jobs to our worth#i feel like I need more hobbies and interests outside of work to cultivate that#but work keeps you so busy! there isn’t time!#i don’t have time to get my work done in the way because of all the meetings! so I have to do some work on the weekends!?! bullshit!!!#i have to spend time prepping lunch and dinner so I have more time to work!??#i hate it here!!!#i think about lockdown during Covid which was scary but note having *any* responsibility#being able to wake up and think ‘what do i want to do today’ and i could make bread#or just read. or sit and not feel this impending doom because I’m not being productive#I feel like I had way better work life balance before I changed roles cause I had way less responsibility#but no. I took a new opportunity in the hopes of growing and evolving and now i barely have enough time to do my job during working hours#I’m sorry this is a horrible work rant. I’m grateful for employement but I don’t like it lol
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I love my friends, but god is it exhausting to be constantly told to stop talking about things I’m interested in because they’re gross or scary. Like I do get that most people don’t like bugs or tapeworms or weird body stuff, but I’ve known these people half my life and can’t they give me a little space to be excited?
#like I’m so fucking nice about Taylor swift could you at least just tune me out instead of shutting me down#need me a morbid freak to talk death culture around the world and shit#sorry I’m literally in school for medical technology and the body is fucked up!!#but like I’ve spent my whole life poking at things that cause me disgust I can’t relate to the flinching#yes i am autistic why do you ask
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I’m going insane I actually can’t believe them !!!!
#dora daily#she always sides with my sister#why ? Bc I raised my voice at that spoiled brat to tell her to keep her name out of my mouth AND SHE TELLS ME TO SHUSH ONE HUNDRED TIMES#like a girl eight years younger telling me to shush ? are you freaking kidding me b#and then I raised my voice at her a little more mind you I wasn’t screaming#and I told her she’s so stupid because she can see I’m so distressed and upset yet she’s the victim#SHES THE VICTIM bnbdnskwosksa#she’s always the victim#I’m always the villain with them#I hate her#I hate herrrrrrrrr#she always gets away with everything I always have to suck up to that spoiled brat eight years my junior and be nice to her and all that#it’s not fair why must I cater to her cruelty#and she is cruel even tho she’s so much younger than me#she’s so cruel and rude and mean and she actually hits me really hard and I just have to sit there and take it#and everything’s always my fault#my mum started siding with me briefly acting like the two sides thing for like a year#then she’s back to how she was before#like this girl gets away with things because apparently she’s a baby she’s almost TWELVE#I can’t do this anymore#I never could’ve ever gotten away with these things even if I wanted to#like I’m so numb to her to all of them when they say those things I just accept the fact that it’ll always be like this#but logically speaking it’s NOT FAIR#my mum can say I’m her favourite all she wants but she’s a liar and she doesn’t even know it herself#or she does and she’s lying#oh why am I even complaining at this point#why haven’t I given up already on her on both of them#my sister is scary because she gets everything#if only my mum aborted her too along with the other two#please I’d have such a better life with so much less trauma
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It would be great if that thing could stop happening where I’m minding my own business perfectly fine and then all of a sudden in the span of like two seconds I’m on the brink of tears and feel like the breath has been wrenched out of me and I feel like the world is going to cave in around me and swallow me
#today it was because I abruptly realized at literally no point in my life has anyone told me it’s all going to be okay#literally ever#anytime I’ve been upset or struggling#it’s always what I need to do to fix it/myself#or why I can’t/shouldn’t feel that way#sometimes it was well meaning sometimes it wasn’t#but goddamn I’ve never just been allowed to believe that it was all gonna eventually be okay#like what the fuck man#no parent no family member no friend no partner#no one has ever thought to just comfort me and say it will be okay#‘fix it’ or ‘stop feeling that way’ is all I’ve ever gotten#no matter how impossible that may have been in the situation#like fuck dude I’m so tired#literally just walking to go complete a task at work#and BANG#that#I feel so pathetic for it#but I literally just want to be able to lay my head on someone’s lap and for them to tell me it’s alright#it’s okay to feel bad and one day things will be okay and that’s just it#I get that might not be constructive and maybe that’s why no one’s ever done it but#I honestly feel like it would just release some unfathomable pressure in me#ugh I feel like such a fucking child#but man it would have been nice to get this at least once in my stupid fucking life#kaz rambles
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See, the thing about Crowley living in his car in s2 is that I left the s1 finale with the impression that both of them finished their lunch, staggered their way back to the book shop (gently sloshed) and spent the night getting absolutely hammered. Like drain the wine cellar, night on the town, capital-P Pissed.
It’s all a bit ‘rambunctious’, as a fussy and well read angel might say.
Crowley wakes up on Aziraphale’s sofa a week later - covered in a blanket, various papers and a copy of the Sunday times.
A pot of tea’s just finished steeping, there’s cake in the tin. Somewhere across the shop, a tartan-clad figure hums (rather untunefully) to himself as he pours over a crackled hardback book.
If you asked Crowley, it’s all quite civilised, if a tad “country living magazine”. A little gauche. A bit twee - not really his ‘style’.
But he doesn’t reach for his glasses, or pat his jacket for his keys.
After all, he thinks, stretching what’s probably the correct number of limbs and reaching out for a bone china cup, why on Her green earth would he ever want to leave?
#is this fic? I think it’s fic#sorry the image just hit me like a truck because why would they not be together?#I just can’t imagine a scenario at the end of s1 where they finish that last day with ‘goodbye’#I’m not saying there’d be a dramatic confession or domestic romantic bliss#I just can’t see them not being in eachothers space now they haven’t got heaven and hell down their necks#like I just see crowley conking out and aziraphale just making space for him in his little life like he’s always been there#they carry on as normal but just together#let them cohabit PLEASE#also it’s just very - middle aged?#old man nap on the sofa while another putters about with their hobby#tea on the go#maybe the radios on?#something I like about their s1 relationship is it feels very ‘mature’#like in a settled ‘we’re old hats at this’ kind of way#there’s more insecurity and drama between them than in the book#but it’s nice to think of an understated moment where they both go ‘oh we could just do this forever actually’#and be content in it#good omens#good omens 2#aziraphale#crowley#ineffable husbands#if this is already a fic someone wrote please send it to me!!!!!!#spoilers
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ok sorry for being sad and manic I’m genuinely getting off now I don’t need to be on here
#txt#my ptsd has been so badly lately idk why I get on here and just to trigger myself again#it really just feels like I was made to be fucking pushed around and taken advantage of since I was a toddle#toddler#why can’t life/ ppl just be nice to me for once
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one thing i always remain appreciative of is whenever i interact with a dutch person (even after they find out about my continued interest in the netherlands) is they never assume i know everything and even if sometimes i think “oh i knew that!” its just really nice that like, its not a given instead of the reaction “oh you already know things, here speak fluent dutch and also im not going to explain anything anymore”
#idk its a nice pace change from being expected to know everything about america#i have met lovely americans but its truly wild realising you have to explain things about your life and country and they don’t#like they can just mention… idk spirit halloween or in and out burger and its understood#you’re comparing stuff on their level but they can’t for yours#but thats not the point#obviously i want goud to be as authentic as possible but i actually don’t really mind if me not being dutch slips through sometimes#because im not and there’s nothing wrong with that#its just kinda nice that im not expected to know and they don’t assume i know#only one person has assumed i was fluent and my dutch teacher even told me it was wrong of him#idk its nice its how existing internationally should be#and yea i know exactly why this is do Not worry#the netherlands#americanisation
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Remembering that two long-running arcs of the Origami Yoda series regarding Dwight were his classmates becoming real friends with him as they stop seeing him as the ‘weird kid’ and connecting with him as a person, and Dwight starting and continuing to date Caroline, the girl he likes. These arcs present to the (presumably neurotypical) audience, an autistic-coded character as someone nuanced and human, who is capable and desirable as a partner and friend, encouraging the idea of looking past dismissive judgements of strangeness and to try to understand people, and even if you can’t, accept them and appreciate them for who they are.
#I am having thoughts and feelings abt origami yoda agin#because like. those are the major arcs w Dwight-the ones that aren’t kept to one book alone#it’s nice seeing them go from kinda just tolerating Dwight because he’s a similar outcast and they need yoda#to them actually liking him and wanting to spend time w him (see the museum visit when tommy is ditched by kellen for Dwight)#and Dwight never magically changes to become ‘normal’. the closest he gets is when he’s at that private school which is observed as kind of#stifling? to all the things that make Dwight interesting and creative#nah the series goes on and Dwight still stims and gets sidetracked by his special interests either to his benefit or detriment#but none of the kids have a problem with him for it. they get that it’s Dwight and these are the things he does#they don’t have a ton of moments of insight into dwight. they talk but they don’t dissect their conversations to parse out what he means#and that makes their communication of messages a little tricky#but the thing is: even though Dwight doesn’t tell them in a way they understand why say the rib bq is so important to him#or why he stims or what sensory issues he has because they might not have the language#even though they don’t have that passage of conversation clicked up#they accept these things as a part of him. and I think that’s a nice message to send.#maybe you won’t fully understand the people in your life but you should try. and even if you can’t you should accept them. quirks and all.#the strange case of origami yoda#origami yoda series#my post#tscooy
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