#why attend church?
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Have an itty bitty tiny piece of stasis in darkness, just so you all have an idea of where the story is going after the godly reveal. and also have proof that i am, in fact, still toiling away at this (as well as hawkins halfway house.)
A week and a half later, Steve entered a town he’d never seen before. He wore simple traveling clothes and carried no weapons aside from a couple of carefully hidden knives. He’d left his armor and shield behind. His satchel held only the essentials one needed for travel and a single stone as large as his fist. The stone was wrapped in layers of cloth to keep it safe during the journey.
I need you to find someone.
He felt very bare but he hadn’t been given much of a choice. Speed was of the essence for his quest, and little no-name towns tended to be wary of strangers in plain clothes, even more so around strangers decked out for battle. Steve wasn’t sure this place could be called a town. It was so small it hadn’t been on any official map. It didn’t even have an inn. Hopefully, Steve wouldn’t be needing an inn once he found who he was looking for.
He’s too far from me to reach.
He asked around, laying on the charm generously. He explained he had been a friend of a friend and had been trusted to deliver something. Eventually, he was told where to go. The house he found far beyond the village’s boundary was small. It looked like it had once been well cared for but it was old and had fallen to disrepair. Steve took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
A sallow old man opened the door. He was bald but had some scruff on his face still. His shoulders, stooped from age, trembled. His eyes were bloodshot. He looked so tired.
He’s my very last worshiper in all the world.
“Wayne Munson?” Steve asked.
“Who wants to know?” The man’s voice was phlegmy and rough. He coughed into the crook of his elbow almost before he could finish speaking.
“I’m Steve. Ser Steve Harrington, pledged to the Lord of Night.”
Wayne’s eyes widened. His grip on the open door weakened and slipped. Steve caught the door before it could hit Wayne.
“He sent me to you,” Steve explained. “May I come in?”
yep, that's it for now. i told you it was small. i'm not even gonna bother with a read-more here.
#trensu tells stories#stasis in darkness#i technically have another 4.5k words written already#but it is very much still a rough draft#it's all clunky chunks of stone with all that i want to happen but has not been carved and smoothed out properly yet#also i have decided to include at least a couple of prayers#because i hate myself apparently and want to make myself suffer#a poet i am not#and i haven't stepped in a church or said prayers in literal decades#well#that's a lie#i did attend ONE mass in that time only because my mom asked me so she wouldn't have to go alone#the priest went off on the queers during his sermon and my mom never asked me to go with her again lol#so i remember none of the prayers#and even if i did#i learned all my prayers in spanish#i have no idea how they go in english#ughhhhhh why do i do these things to myself
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I realize that the internet is a breeding ground for attitude problems and people being little jerks to each other but it drives me crazy when I see Christians acting holier than thou and like their specific opinion is the only proper opinion and anyone who disagrees is a heretic.
#like ma'am YES all of the ''mainstream'' worship bands have theological issues but they CAN still have good songs that hold up#against Scripture!!!#you're not better than anyone else just because you make sure you never ever listen to Hillsong music#and I go to a church with a woman on the preaching team she and her husband are church elders and she's a very good teacher#she isn't a pastor. but she does have a rotation on our Sunday teaching schedule. and apparently#all of Instagram would say that my church is heretical for that and warn people not to attend here#like. why are we so judgemental??? we're supposed to take the plank out of our own eye before helping with the speck in someone else's!!!#Lu rambles#faith tag#sorry I ended up on churchstagram somehow and it's annoying me :/
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it’s so fucking stupid
sorry oakley religion rant
but like
i feel like i’ve heard some stupid argument of ‘you can’t fully understand god he works in ways humans can’t understand you just have to trust him. have faith’
which i guess makes sense, like i can’t fully understand infinity, god won’t fully makes sense to me all the time
but also
do you know how fucking stupid that is to respond to someone with
what you’re saying right now is literally just ‘trust me dude truuust mee’
religion is god reaching out to people and people reaching out to god (to me, i guess that doesn’t really work if you don’t believe in god)
humans are not an insignificant part of that
humans fuck up dude humans make mistakes
i’m not just gonna trust what you say blindly i’m sorry that’s stupid
#shouting into the void#this is about policies around trans people in my church#it’s so fucking stupid let me be fuck off#and you wonder why queer people stop attending church#god please help me out it’s rough out here
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hate going for christian weddings sometimes because i always see the prettiest women with the ugliest men, the sermon is always some shit about wives being slaves (but not like bad slavery, mutual slavery except the husband is a benevolent master which makes it okay) and making babies for their husband, the music is always lame, the mc is always weird and obnoxious, and older women keep fucking asking me when it's gonna be my turn and never take no for an answer.
#mine#personal#brief storytime in the tags#one of my family friends got married and i was happy she was happy#her parents are like an aunt and uncle to me#i was happy to share that moment with them#we cried and laughed together#and my friends#their other daughters were on the line and looked gorgeous#it was just beautiful watching us all grow up in a way and move on to “the next” together#BUT#im a pastor's kid#and my dad loves weddings#he drinks them in whenever he can now especially because they make him happy and he's had to attend a lot more funerals this year#he's been burdened a lot by how many people he's had to bury and how many hospital visits he's had to do#so i was happy to see him happy too#it just all felt so bittersweet to me#because i know how badly my parents want this for me and for themselves#there was a daddy-daughters dance at some point and i could feel my dad beaming beside me watching that#and i was a little sad about it because i was like im never gonna give you that#this could be the best thing i could ever give you and i will never give you this#i can never kneel at an altar in front of a pastor and swallow that sermon#i would never marry a man in my generation#if i married a woman you and almost the entire tent filled with people that watched me grow up would not attend#my happiest day would be another funeral for you#it was worse because im kind of a small celebrity in this community because of my parents and their siblings who are politicians#so people i barely knew kept coming up and asking me when it would be my turn and how they so looked forward to the day#and i was like i love that we're a community here and i missed the pestering of aunts since i left church#but at the same time i was glad to remember why i left#there is no freedom to be myself at all with them because all they do is project their beliefs and ideas on me because that's what children
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since the fandom has collectively decided that jamie's from motherwell i tend to just write it that way too but jamie is not a motherwell lad to me. he's definitely from one of the wee lanarkshire church towns where you have to wait around for two hours for a tiny rickety country bus driven by someone's half-senile grandfather to drive you to motherwell or glasgow to get a little peek at civilisation. i can't explain it or prove it in any way. but this is the truth. to me
#is it canon that he's from motherwell actually. maybe it is and i've just forgotten ??? i know he mentions motherwell at one point#but i don't think that would just. mean he's from there.......#i have no idea why but he just seems like he carries that innate energy of Grew Up In A Little Church Town#barely any kids his age. no entertainment other than one on one football or walking to the post office#i think it's tempting to see him as a nutty wee roughhouser who got into loads of trouble and that#but like. if we're taking it as canon that he attended a seminary. which i like to#then. seminaries are generally strict as hell about who they let in. if you were a Wrongun they would not look twice at you#i mean. i knew a guy who went to a seminary in edinburgh and he was on a sort of probation for six months#where he would have to Check In to see how he was progressing wrt his faith etc to decide if they were going to let him in#they're not going to let in a guy who cuts about screaming and threatening to rip people's heads off#i think it's WAY more interesting to think that he started off somewhat normal with a muted anger below the surface#that the injustice / mess of 80s politics + the corruption of the church fully brought out in him#anyway who cares i'll explore this all in my fic.#ttoi
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Is going on Tumblr in church going to cause me to burst into flames? XD
#Easter Hijinks#I made the unfortunate decision#to attend church with my dad#not my greatest moment#The service hasn't started yet#So I'm not being TOO disrespectful#Instead the terrible choir is practicing#Notes by Nikki#I go every so often#To remember WHY I hate Catholicism#It's such dumb bullshit
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Have just sat through a labor and delivery class, and friends: nothing made me realize that my high school's sex ed was sub par faster than my partner turning to me and going "ok so when do we get past stuff we covered in fifth grade."
Meanwhile, I'm over here taking notes like I'm cramming for finals. 😭
#for reference my school focused on abstinence#and we had a lady from the local church talk to us about why the safest sex is the sex you don't have#briefly covered the horrors of STDS#which you could avoid by not having sex#and discussed types of contraception but not how to use them#so no we did not practice putting condoms on various phallic fruit and veg#and we never watched any of the childbirth videos#it was bare bones info at best.#i will also say that partner and i attended school in the same state#but i lived in a far more conservative area than he did#so. yeah.#just goes to show those school board elections matter#bean posting#us education#glad at least one of us knows things at any rate#cuz I'm flying freaking BLIND
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two different rabbis directly to me + multiple places online: jewish imposter syndrome is real and is (to varying degrees) almost a universal experience in one way or another
me, who has been actively practicing for over nine months and taken multiple classes while also being halachically jewish by birth: i am the exception and am an imposter in jewish spaces and should feel bad about it. no i will not elaborate on why i believe this is true of me and no one else.
#to be clear NONE of this shame is being messaged to me by my shul#i’m just so insecure since i was raised religiously christian and only officially stopped attending church in 2020#*february 2020#even though i’d been drawn to judaism and deeply uncomfortable with christianity for years before that#and also had a degree of jewish identity through my family and celebrating holidays secularly growing up#i stayed as long as i did because 1) the liturgy was familiar#and 2) i’d be guaranteed to see my best friend once a week#converts have to go through a gauntlet. i feel like i’ve…cheated.#part of me wonders if i should pursue an affirmation#whether it would help i mean#but if i did my jewish grandfather would rise from the grave and say ‘YOU DON’T NEED IT BECAUSE YOU’RE PERFECTLY JEWISH AS YOU ARE’#on the other hand he was also an atheist and probably would have mixed feelings on me practicing at all#although i’m not the only grandkid who’s done so#two of my cousins (their mom is my mom’s sister) were raised catholic but switched to judaism at least 10 years ago#to my knowledge neither of them went through an affirmation process#ughhhhh#my posts#jumblr#i guess i did elaborate why in the tags huh
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for the ask game: LILAC CHARCOAL AND RASPBERRY
anon this is so sweet 😭
[ask game provided below for reference; if you'd like to play, please reblog from OP here:]
#anon i love this but i have a covenant with God so i can't kill Him with you#this reminds me of the time my brother lamented his atheism and my agnosticism on behalf of our religious mother. but i'm not agnostic.#so i clarified i believe in God and that's never changed. i just choose not to worship Him + I think there are multiple truths (incl. gods)#which is shorthand but I've never been able to explain it to others to their satisfaction and it isn't anyone else's business anyway#he thought that was MUCH worse and became so dramatic. he was genuinely so thrown. he fixated on the fact it's heresy.#which I didn't expect because like yes it's heresy but heresy is a doctrinal concept -- it doesn't have any intrinsic meaning.#and not to be dismissive but doctrine is fairly sequestered from God. It's functionally and historically a voidable social contract.#i was involved with the church/attended various bible retreats for several years before leaving. but I didn't leave over God lmao.#my institutional involvement was always contingent on its alignment with my own individual purpose/practice/rituals/bible study/covenant.#which church/community leadership knew and tried to triage in various ways but like. it's not hard to reject authority baselessly derived.#so my present relationship with God isn't any more heretical than it was when I practiced Christianity as a religion.#If anything I was maybe more heretical in funnier and more flagrant ways when I was practicing than I am now.#but anyway. my point is.#i wont help you kill god but I'm always here for heresy.#alternatively i also recommend either (1) listening to god is dead (meet the kids) by british india#which when engaged with meaningfully amounts to the same philosophical state of being as killing God#or (2) forming a reverse orphic mystery cult relationship with Him the way I did when from ages 10-14#in other words#we can either sacrifice God to the secular age like thomas jefferson and nietzsche#or we can obsessively study the bible @ the cost of enough sleep that we (in brief spurts) access the parts of us inclined towards prophecy#those are the only two approaches to god that I'm capable of partaking in with any sincerity or intellectual honesty#and I'm unfortunately very married to sincerity and intellectual honesty.#(i'm sorry for meeting your very nice compliments with a nonsequitur illustrating why i should live as a hermit in a remote woodland shack)#(but I suppose I'm not sorry enough to remove the nonsequitur from my response prior to publication. so. take from that what you will.)
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🌃
#sometimes i forget what website i'm on when looking for something bc i searched 'acna church'#aka the church i am currently happily attending#and everything here is very antagonistic and anti#and to avoid putting it in the tags you can easily see why if you just google#why did the acna split from american episcopal church lol#meanwhile i'm the prude going to the acna church instead of the episcopal church for um#well precisely those reasons#but anyways i was raised baptist so there really isnt much solidarity to be found#with my current long list of questions 😅#this post brought to you by my dad visiting my church tomorrow for the first time#and i'm mostly ok with it but whoo boy it could be a doozy of a time#ragamusings in the tags
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uhhggggg i hate it here
i just went to my ecclesiastical endorsement meeting w a bishop i don’t know, to try to beg and convince and wheedle my way into being allowed to continue going to byu (change is hard and i don’t want to leave even tho i’m a hater)
yes i played the autism card what kind of a fool do you take me for
#exmo#pimo#no i don’t attend meetings. why? because i do not want to. next question.#no i don’t give my money to you mr church man#i want it to actually help people#including myself! i am in college poverty! i need it more!
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marvel should hire me to write bc i'd pull the funniest thing on earth where i am wiping his catholic slate CLEAN and i would explcitily have him go ehhhh i've never really been religious me and my dad went some easters and christmases and attended a few services outside of that but that stopped by the time i was around 10 and my dad just kinda gave up on it because he didn't particularly want to go by that point either. and even then we hadn't gone every year for easter and christmas in that time frame. and then we never bring that shit up again in the story. he is only catholic in the sense he went a few times and it's the only church experience he knew and his dad probably grew up going to church more in his youth being dragged in by his family but he never felt particularly compelled to go back to it once he moved out on his own. catholic only in the fact that his family was irish catholic but his dad is a lapsed catholic who did not give a fuuuuuck
#based off my own father's filipino catholic experiences. and my own religious experiences in general. bc my mom's protestant but still didnt#raise me religiously. i've been to church a handful of times and it was never bad but it never ever stuck. i just kinda remember some stuff#and what i do know it's more from the general cultural osmosis of american christianity than anything#plus i grew up in a known for its religiosity suburb. but again. that still didnt really rub off on me.#in my mind jack is a guy who when entering a church will still dip his fingers in the holy water and cross with it#and matt watches and maybe mimics but he doesnt really get it still bc their service attendance has been so extremely infrequent.#so i imagine it's far more like that for matt than the insane bs they've been pullin the last few years. given the you know.#50 somethings years of established only really culturally casually catholic matt. bc well. why wouldnt he be new york irish catholic.#i imagine is the thought process. but i will never be a fan of how it's a big deal now. bc it just never has been. ever#and that's not to say a character cannot become religious or be religious or have it become more of a thing in their life!#very much it can be done. but i think it's been done piss poor. from all i've seen and what i've read of recent stuff. so it's just bad.#like it isnt done in a meaningfully way or sensical to my understanding. it's like. pure show pandering fanon appeal.#so it's utterly meaningless as a whole with no point or purpose aside from it#can we go back to just using it for cool art visuals bc i think we can all appreciate a cool splash page of a church fight and stuff#but please. dont try to make it more than that if you arent going to do it well#SORRY I KNOW EVERYONE ON PLANET DD HAS MADE THIS POST BUT I REMEMBER AND GET SOOOOO IRRITATED!!!!! IT'S SO STUPID POINTLESS DUMB I HATE ITT#static.soundz
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WHY am I the achies it’s BEDTIME
#I know why#it’s bc I was at a church service today getting up and down for an hour and a half while being stressed to hell bc I’m Not comfortable being#in a church anymore- much less one I used to attend#but um. wake for a friends dad. she wanted the comfort and there’s no way in hell I’d not be there for her#but MAN the achies
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small actual religious rant. cw religion
ARGH! i get so annoyed at people who take the bible's words as literal facts! its an ancient ass text that was translated poorly into english when it was translated. no one who had any hand in it is alive today and no one who knew those who did is alive. you cannot possibly tell me, weather you are catholic or not or if you hate catholics, that you actually think the words are suppose to be taken literally!
i don't care if you are a priest or not, you are not doing your religious studies properly if you are reading literal fact from the bible! sure there are some documentation of historic events, but overall its a huge pile of analogies, metaphors, and parables! they are meant to be analyze and thought upon! saying that they are meant to be taken literally shuts down any good the text could do, and at the worst it makes you easier to manipulate or others easier to manipulate.
God gave us brains for a reason so USE IT!
#im so sorry for everyone who had to attend any church where they taught the bible like this#probably not the worst thing but still would have made it so boring to attend#i dont mention everything wrong with this line of thinking bc i dont have time#but there are a lot more reasons why its wrong to teach it this way
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if i had a nickel for every time i looked up an innocuous post and it led to me accidentally finding the reddit account of a childhood bully i would have 2 nickels. which isn't a lot, but its weird that it happened twice
#bat chatter#like im not gonna go into their dms or anything but there was a post one of them made that was like.#'why can't i keep any friends?? i only treat them really poorly and then they don't want to interact with me anymore??? :('#and like. bro. maybe its because you treat them poorly#i still didn't get an answer to the question tho which makes my angsty free write way harder to write#was it a megachurch i grew up attending or just a big church?
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Re: hard to articulate: I literally cannot tell you in words the whys and wherefores of this but the only time (the ONLY time--I have been filled with absolute misery and terror every time I've gone for appointments at the dentist's office, especially after they took my wisdom teeth out while I was awake and conscious)(this is the only thing that I've been consistently scared of, much to my embarrassment--I can handle public speaking and heights and insects and things like that but I Despise going to the dentist) the only time I have EVER felt peace at the dentist's was the time I prayed the Rosary throughout the whole appointment. I also cannot tell you in words why I felt compelled, after I found out that my dorm is right across the street from a Catholic church, to bring flowers to the statue of Mary on the way back from class, and to sit there next to her and pray.
#my catechist was quite upset because some of her friends had been saying some very uncharitable things about Mary#and she had had such a long day and couldnt muster up verbal opposition#and she was like. i just want to love Mary!! why are things like this!! and honestly i get it#i cannot put it into words really but i do love her#and feel at times like i'm a little girl too shy to approach a very grand lady#theotokos and new ark of the covenant and queen-mother of heaven who intercedes! that is...... a lot#anyhow when i was a teenager i used to think that catholics and eastern orthodox christians practically worshipped Mary#which is obviously not the case. there is a tremendous amount of honour they (rightly) give to her#(i mean!! she IS the mother of God!!)#but that is a better 'extreme' for lack of better word than not acknowledging her at all i think#which was the case in the churches i had previously attended#no idea where this is going but it's here i guess!!#songbird again
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