#this is about policies around trans people in my church

[a-bucket-in-the-void]

it’s so fucking stupid

sorry oakley religion rant

but like

i feel like i’ve heard some stupid argument of ‘you can’t fully understand god he works in ways humans can’t understand you just have to trust him. have faith’

which i guess makes sense, like i can’t fully understand infinity, god won’t fully makes sense to me all the time

but also

do you know how fucking stupid that is to respond to someone with

what you’re saying right now is literally just ‘trust me dude truuust mee’

religion is god reaching out to people and people reaching out to god (to me, i guess that doesn’t really work if you don’t believe in god)

humans are not an insignificant part of that

humans fuck up dude humans make mistakes

i’m not just gonna trust what you say blindly i’m sorry that’s stupid

[nerdygaymormon]

I talked with my mother in law about disagreeing with the august policy and she kept faily neutral and said God made that policy and His children make the choice to stray from Him. While i believe the policy was inspired i dont believe it came from His mouth. I don't understand how transitioning is straying, it feels like a morally neutral act. How can God ask someone to sacrifice their emotional and mental well being to keep their good standing with Him? It feels backwards and manipulative if I'm being honest. Obedience is good but not if it comes at the cost of being miserable. I'm angry at the church as an institution and I believe it's failing it's queer and trans siblings. I suppose I do disagree with God.

You ask some really good questions. I want to add a few more for you to consider.

Are scriptures the "word of God" and does God actually speak these things to a human who hears it and writes it down precisely as God said it, or are these human interpretations of what they believe is God's will?

Is this policy leading people to be more loving and to do good to their neighbor?

Why would God make people gay or trans and then forbid them from being gay or trans?

The Book of Mormon teaches we're meant to have joy in life, then why does the LDS Church have policies to deny joy to queer people? Why are they singled out to be miserable for God?

If gender affirming care for trans people is "straying" from God, why is gender affirming care for cis people not? The medical procedures that trans people use were all originally developed for cis people. People get breast augmentations, hysterectomies, nose jobs, tummy tucks, face lifts, pec implants, lip filler, bbl's, hormone injections, puberty blockers, growth hormones, and on and on.

At the last General Conference, Elder Oaks put forth a unique idea about temporary and permanent commandments. I think it's his way of getting around the idea that church leaders in the past were wrong, but it brings up interesting questions, if this is temporary then am I required to obey even if I don't agree? If this is temporary, will I be punished in heaven after it is no longer in effect?

We're taught in Matthew 7 that “a good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.” If a policy is bringing forth bad results for a whole group of people, is it a 'good' policy?

Is it a coincidence that this step backwards with the August policy seems related to the bathroom bills and other anti-trans legislation that's recently been passed? If this is actually God's will then how come we didn't know it in 2020 when the last big revision to church policies regarding trans people was implemented?

What if a trans person feels they are inspired to pursue transitioning, should the church be punishing them for following where God is guiding them?

Does this policy sound like it's from a loving God?

That’s enough questions. I want to end with 3 points.

The August policy is just that, a policy, not a commandment or revelation or scripture. Policies are temporary and can be changed. A great example is the 2015 policy of exclusion regarding gay people, which was reversed less than 5 years later in 2019. How much better if it the 2015 policy had never been introduced and all that hurt had been avoided.

You're not disagreeing with God, you're disagreeing with whomever wrote and approved the latest policies.

People have a conscience, what the church calls the light of Christ, which influences people for good. If things being said by a church leader bother your conscience, pay attention to that.

[earthgeco]

@heathersdesk as promised here's the explanation of my theory about the importance of imperfection in the church for the perfection of the saints.

As is the way of the Lord this starts several years ago when I was on my mission, where I finally actually understood the importance of trials in our lives.

Newtons third law states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. If we want to walk forward we need to overcome two forces: gravity, and friction.

Gravity and friction make walking difficult, BUT if we did not have those oppositions there would be no movement. If there were a room with no gravity and no friction, there would be no movement. We would just flail around and never get anywhere, much less toward our goal.

Trials are our spiritual gravity and friction. They provide the opposing force from which we push. To be perfected is a process of trial and growth, trial and growth, trial and growth. It will not be easy but it the only way we can come unto Christ and become like our Heavenly Parents.

Last conference was hard for me and I only ended up watching about half a session, though I have since read some of the talks and quite liked them. It didn't push me out of the church, but it got close. I had recently come out as gender-queer and started using they/them. It made me wonder. I had received personal revelation from the Lord that my gender identity and expression was part of my eternal identity and supported by Them, so why was the quorum of the twelve and the first presidency teaching contrary to this? My answer as typical of the Lord came from an old institute teacher who I had once spent nearly an hour arguing with about trans rights. He was substituting for the class I was in and we were talking about the organization of the church.

Ephesians 4:11-17 teaches us about the organization of the church saying:

11.And he gave some, apostles; and to some, prophets; and to some, evangelists; and to some, pastors, and teachers;

12.For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:

13.Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ.

14.That we are henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and the cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive

15.But speaking the truth in love, may grow up unto him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:

16.From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working inn the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.

17.This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind.

The Church is organized intentionally it is imperfect by design.

"For the perfecting of the saints," trials are the biggest perfecting force in life. So we are perfected both by good and bad experiences within the church and by good and bad experiences with the members of the church.

"In the unity of the faith," becoming unified doesn't happen on accident, a common group dynamic model identifies "storming" or a period of disagreement and struggle as a fundamental part of growing an effective team. Overcoming the struggle is what unifies us.

"Be no more children, tossed to and fro," learning to love imperfect people and finding the good in everyone helps us learn who we are and what we believe which will ground us in Christ.

"But speaking the truth in love...even Christ," Recognizing that Christ is the truth and learning to share the his gospel with love helps us and those around us grow closer to him.

Each part and person in the church is important for the whole to improve every person every policy no matter how harmful it is is there for a reason, so each member of the church can learn and grow. That's not to say we must accept everything. It is often in fighting for change we grow the most. We are not the "true church" because we are the best, or even that we are right about everything. This is the true church because we have the living gospel and we learn and grow together. We work together for the edifying and perfecting of the saints.

[forest-faerie-witch]

RIP America

I have been up all night. I've been following the campaign since Harris was at the first DNC. I have hoped and hoped that she would win. But now, as that lunatic is 3 points from winning, my chest is tight and I'm fighting tears.

I've been terrified through this whole thing. Afraid of losing my right to control my own body. Scared of losing my disability income. Worried about my daughter's rights. I'm deeply troubled about our world. What is going to happen to Ukraine now? To our immigrant friends?

There are things I can't wrap my head around. How is it OK for a convicted criminal to not only run for public office, but THE public office? To lead our entire country?! How is this lawful? How did our founding fathers not anticipate this? Did they just think "Well, it's just common sense, right?" They obviously didn't have the foresight to see the state of human beings in this century.

And what happened to separation of church and state? Why are the religious nuts still waving their bibles around at my uterus? How about, it's NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS! You wanna believe in your god? Good for you. But don't tell me how to live just because we don't agree. I don't tell you what to do. I don't care. It's a free country, right? Well, apparently not if we are still being held to christian ideals.

This country was NOT based on religion. It was based on the freedom from religious persecution. (Do your homework people). It is NOT one nation under god. That was added to our money and our pledge in the 50s by... you guessed it, the religious right. Look it up. It's fact.

And now women are going to continue to die because of the abortion bans because of that fucking maniac's overturning of Roe v Wade. And once he's in office his MAGAtards are going to feel it's open season on all "other" people. Gays, trans, some of whom I call friends. It's going to be the wild west. Redneck ideology will only be rivaled by the christian right, comingled in most cases.

Haven't we had enough racism? Isn't there enough hate already? You guys - the HALF of our country who thought it was a great idea to put this fucking piece of shit back in the white house - are going to see. Yeah, you think he's so funny. "Oh he just says it like it is, says what's on his mind, etc." Oh yes, so presidential. If I want to talk shit with people, I don't go to the white house for it. I want my commander in chief to be presidential. Not a fucking convicted rapist, cheater, misogynist, lying waste of air.

He is going to pardon himself. All he's wanted through this whole thing was to win so he wouldn't go to prison. You'll see. He does NOT CARE ABOUT YOU! All he cares about is Donald Trump. He surrounds himself with sycophants who lick his arsehole and do his bidding. He'll let all the lunatics out that attacked our capitol. Insurgents. People, wake the fuck up! Think about this. All you who consider yourself "patriots," how would you feel if a group of people attacked the capitol when it wasn't your idea? You'd be furious!

I'm not saying Kamala was perfect. And she did the best she could in the short time she had to run. But at least she had solid plans for furthering our people. Her vision was one of unity, safety, equal rights and building the economy where everyone has a fair shot. I've never heard a single detailed policy from that... thing. All he does is wave his hands around and say don't worry, it's going to be great.

WHAT'S GOING TO BE GREAT?!!!!! Explain it to me. Tell me how you're going to do these things? Oh right. Tariffs. The idiot doesn't even know how tariffs work. Tariffs will cost the AMERICAN PEOPLE! If an exporter has to pay more to export their goods to us, then the companies that buy those goods have to pay more, and in turn, we pay that difference. The man is a moron. It's no wonder all his businesses fail and he filed bankruptcy 6 times.

He has no idea how to run a country. He let 100s of thousands of people die with his deplorable handling of COVID. Inject bleach... how fucking stupid can someone be. He inherited a good economy from Obama and fucked it up. And then has the nerve to further hypnotize his cult followers saying his presidency was the best ever. His economy the best ever. Everything the best ever. When the rest of the world knows he was the least popular president - ever. Was the worst president. He's so deluded by his own ego he believes his own lies and then so do his followers.

I'm old. I have a small income. I can't afford to pack up and try and find another country to live in. And believe me, I've been looking into it. But the only way you can live in another country is if you have MONEY. If you can't contribute to society in another country, good luck moving there. But the prospect of living in a Trump dystopia is terrifying.

Let's hope that I'm wrong. I'm really hoping I am.

[golbrocklovely]

i’m pretty sure brennen is homophobic

he posted on his story when he was at a bar(i think it was a bar) and said something along the lines of “definitely not ordering bud light” and bud light is getting a bunch of backlash from homophobes because the brand supports lgbtq people

i don't really pay attention to brennen anymore bc he just annoys me, and plus i don't like him, so i never really catch what he does now.

if he did this, he's transphobic as hell.

imma step onto my little soap box for just a quick second.

the ppl that legitimately are upset at bud light for supporting dylan mulvaney are absolutely some of the dumbest ppl that exist in the US. not only does anheuser busch own most beers, so even trying to boycott them is pointless, bud light only made ONE SINGLE CAN for dylan. and that was it. it wasn't a nationwide campaign, it was a single can made for her that she showed on her story. but bc the right has nothing else to focus on, bc god forbid they try to come up with policy that would actually benefit americans or even their base at all, they would rather hyperfocus on cancelling brands bc…. they aren't hateful enough. or trying to get rid of trans ppl, or drag queens. bc now they want to go back to the good ol days of assuming anyone that's gay is a pedo - when if we're being fucking honest, the real pedos are the priest and pastors in church that constantly get caught literally abusing children but then get moved around and hidden so that the church doesn't seem bad… until years later when it finally comes out that 100s of kids were abused. but you know, no. it's actually trans ppl and drag queens that are the problem.

and this is something else i've wanted to say for a while as well.

both big nik and now brennen, assuming he actually said what you say he did (it's not that i don't believe you, i just haven't seen it myself) have A LOT of fucking nerve to even remotely be homophobic. the amount of gay shit they used to do, WITH COLBY INVOLVED, only now to try and pretend that they would never stoop to that level. bro… you were pretending to be gay for views, which is pretty fucking gay if you ask me. you clickbaited titles for YEARS, but the millisecond it didn't benefit you anymore… you pretend to not like gay ppl? i mean, you probably never liked gay ppl in the first place, but this hypocrisy is fucking hysterical to me in the worse way.

nik and brennen shouldn't worry for even a moment about gay ppl fucking with them in any capacity. first and foremost, no one fucking likes yall. no one enjoys your company and you have never been a light to be around. the only reason you were relevant after vine died was bc of colby, let's bffr. and if your personality wasn't enough of deterrence, you're both ugly. no amount of god loving or having abs will fix the fucked up that you are.

and knowing how dumb both brennen and his fans are, if any of yall try to say "omg he was just joking, yall can't take a joke"... i need you to deeply understand on a fundamental level neither you or brennen are funny. you have never been funny. no one has ever genuinely laughed at anything you have ever said. and until you become a better person, this will remain the truth.

and i cannot wait until colby finally opens his fucking eyes and cuts brennen lose, bc the moment he does, he's done.

[pricklypear1997]

Radical/evangelical Christians as well as the (radical) LGBT community have one thing in common. They treat their “beliefs” as a personality trait and force it on everyone else…. I’ve noticed how much These 2 have in common and the way they treat everyone that tries to bring up legitimate criticisms against them.

Let’s not forget to mention how gender is being treated more like theology than factually based science. They’re even arguing against science! While I’ll argue that god cannot be disproven by science, science literally proves (through biology) what gender/sex is. Also, they try very hard to change the meaning of words all the time. Gender used to be a synonym for sex, but not anymore I guess… they’re trying so hard to manipulate the meaning of womanhood too. They treat it as something that can be interpreted by every individual, as something different. Like womanhood is some pseudo magical thing that can morph and change… um excuse me??? Why don’t they ever talk about manhood this way hmmm?? If that’s your personal opinion fine, but you cannot force that on the public, just like religion cannot be forced onto anyone.

The other thing revolves around race… y’all may not want to hear this, but the evangelists have these super mega churches full of people of many different races. Now while they accept anyone of any skin color on the surface, they’d never accept them unless they have Christian and “American” values… they want to assimilate everyone and make them the same. “Color blindness” is a term that people use to describe this.

It’s ironic because the lgbt community low key does this too. To other countries especially! They’re so big on foreign policy and inserting their AMERICAN centered beliefs on the rest of us and will find any reason to find us racist and homophobic… they don’t respect the individuality of other countries and people in said countries, just like the churches don’t respect the individuality of their members. They (the LGBT/Leftists) don’t respect other countries for their uniqueness because they’re homogenous and because their culture might be more based on a heterosexual normative, but do you forget that heterosexual is the majority? Heterosexuality isn’t what’s attacking you. As a bisexual woman who’s also orthodox Christian, and 1/4th biracial, I still love my country, nor do I feel “attacked” by it… people choose to feel victimized. I am Bulgarian, and my people accept me as such. Yes, I’m also 1/4 th Asian, but the difference is that I know that Bulgaria is inherently Bulgarian, and for me to try to force my country to be more “diverse” would be blatantly racist on my part. To force my culture to just be more “gay” is also equally dumb, because the majority are not gay, nor trans, nor anything else. Why must I force my own identity onto them if I supposedly love them? No, I accept my country and it’s people, as it is. I wouldn’t want to change it for anything. That is what it means to truly love and accept others. By not changing them. (The only legitimate reason to criticize or to change and reform an aspect of a country, it’s culture and people is if there’s something fundamentally wrong with it such as, female genital mutilation, which is something that some countries have because it’s imbedded in their culture. Now it’s NOT something for outsiders to force them to change, it must be the country’s own people to stand up, address the issue and change it).

I shouldn’t forget that the evangelical radical Christians, like the lgbt also infiltrate foreign governments as well. It’s not just within the church. Look at the American government and how it’s purely influenced by these radical Christians AND the LGBT. Both the capitalist right and the democratic “socialist” left. They’re views overlap and the techniques they use to instill fear into others (especially foreign nations) is no different.

I love to see other people enriched in their own culture, and in LOVE and proud of their natural essence existing in reality, not fantasy. Not hurting others, nor self projecting and not forcing their life decisions on others. Europe is beautiful without all the foreign policy and invasive radicalization coming from the US. Africa would be flourishing if it weren’t for the US and Western Europe’s constant harm and meddling. Asia, is striding somewhere in the middle. Parts of it are flourishing, other parts are being taken advantage of by foreign policy and people constantly trying to insert their foreign politics into it. Even Eastern Europe is struggling with something very similar…

When it comes to religion, race, ethnicity, sexuality, all those things are sacred. They must be protected. And people have got to stop forcing their ideologies on others. Right now, it’s the US and some of its very powerful Allies through their religion, gender, sexuality and through racial/ ethnic identity (or lack of it) have become extremely radical on both sides ( left and right) and are constantly pushing it on everyone else. I will not be guilted nor shamed into thinking I’m wrong, which is what both sides try to do constantly by using the words “sin” and “bigotry”.

I should add that an individual choosing to identify as something other than their own birth sex does not affect me unless I let it. The problem is (like religion) when they start to force their ideology/personal opinions on me and the rest of the world. THAT is what I have a problem with. It’s no different then taking issue with evangelicals or any other religion preaching and forcing their religions on others. I take issue with people trying to erase womanhood. I have a problem with people telling little girls and boys that they’re a different gender because they like things that aren’t stereotypically liked by their own sex. That is beyond sexist… it’s no different than going to another (homogenous) country and telling them to change and take your religion OR ELSE… that’s beyond racist. Also, gender dysphoria is a serious mental illness. Not something you can force and change other people into. Same for sexual orientation… you can’t force people to change it. Race, ethnicity, religion, etc. you cannot force people to change.

[pashterlengkap]

Transgender Catholics in Indonesia love Pope Francis for his message of tolerance

Pope Francis’ embrace of transgender Catholics has extended from the Vatican around the world to Indonesia, where he’s on a four-day official visit to the Southeast Asian island nation. But trans women on a pilgrimage there to see the pontiff in person were left with only “dreams” of an audience with him after local bishops refused their request to meet him. Related How a trans sex worker from Paraguay became friends with the Pope The pontiff has been welcoming transwomen to the Vatican. The Pope, who famously asked, “Who am I to judge?” in response to a question about gay priests, has openly engaged with the trans community in Rome, inviting the women to dine at the Vatican and donating Vatican funds to house and feed them. Global perspectives delivered right to your inbox Our newsletter bridges borders to bring you LGBTQ+ news from around the world. Subscribe to our Newsletter today The Pope’s reputation for tolerance preceded him as a group of trans women in South Jakarta assembled their best outfits for his visit to a stadium in Jakarta where he appeared for a service addressing the Muslim-majority country’s small but vocal Catholic community. “When we got Francis as the Pope, I realized that God was really listening,” Mami Yuli, a leader of the trans community in South Jakarta, told The New York Times. The devout Catholic has an image of the rosary tattooed on her chest. “This is not the Pope but God himself visiting us,” she said. Francis has encouraged local bishops in Indonesia to show tolerance for the trans community for years. “Pope Francis has called for us several times not to judge them,” said the Rev. Agustinus Kelik Pribadi, the priest of Saint Stephen Catholic Church in South Jakarta. “We must listen.” The newly extended Catholic embrace has welcomed dozens of trans converts to the Church in recent years, according to Rev. Adrianus Suyadi, a Jesuit priest at Jakarta’s Cathedral. Many have been baptized in the country’s capital, per an official policy formalized by Pope Francis for trans and LGBTQ+ people last year. Fr. Suyadi and other priests also credit the city’s archbishop, Cardinal Ignatius Suharyo Hardjoatmodjo, for the welcoming attitude. They say the cardinal instructed priests to welcome transgender people into their parishes as part of a push to respect all human dignity. “When I go to the church nobody judges me,” said trans Catholic Ms. Gondhoadjmodjo, 40, who was baptized in 2022. “That makes me more sure I want to be a Catholic.” But for the South Jakarta trans community that made the pilgrimage to see the pope in person — dressed to the nines and loaded into a collection of cars for their trip north —the welcome did not extend inside the stadium or even near the entrance where they hoped to get a glimpse of Francis. They didn’t have tickets, they said, and their hoped-for invitation for an audience with the pope didn’t materialize. Police kept the group, dressed in their sequined Sunday best and carrying a colorful banner, at a distance. “They cannot receive us here,” said Devine Selviana Siahaan, one of the trans women. “But I still can talk to Francis in my dreams.” http://dlvr.it/TCslry

[jackednephi]

I'm gonna put this rambling under the cut but have the text messages I sent my mother earlier

I just saw the church policy updates last night. Why do they hate me? What did I ever do wrong? How is being me a sin? I'm not hurting anybody

[She asked for clarification]

The church has said that, even though children before 8 cannot sin, if the kid is transgender, they're sinful. Trans folks are no longer allowed around children, to receive the blessings of the priesthood, and a lot more. Even if it's just a social transition. Trans folks are being treated worse than convicted sexual offenders. What the hell did I ever do wrong for people who have never even met me to hate me?

I've done plenty wrong in other ways. I've trusted the wrong people and hurt others. But I've always apologized and done my best to purge the root urge from my heart. How much more repenting am I supposed to be doing? All for the way I exist? Does God also have the bird beg forgiveness for daring to sing? This isn't fair. Where does the love even begin? I thought we were to love and be loved. This is beyond painful and I don't even have dad to cry to

My conclusion is this: either god hates me and the way he made me and others or. The church is wrong. And considering it's been wrong in the past well

But yeah that's what I sent

I do think I have a point here about birds. God gave them voices so they sing. To pretend to be cishet would be so antithetical to my being that like. Could you imagine a songbird without song? How depressed the poor creature would be?

God gave us grapes but not wine and wheat but not bread. So we have to make those final steps ourselves. The way I see it, he gave us bodies and it's up to us to figure out the rest. Would the lord have a baker repent for turning wheat into bread? The vinter for transforming grapes to wine? The bird for twittering? The lion for its fangs? The rabbit for its ears?

Why then, must I apologize for being true to my spirit? Why must I cower and beg and plead and whittle myself down? Steal the fangs from my lion's mouth, shear the rabbit's ears, and cease my singing? Why am I tasked to cut something so fundamental from my core? It would be a grave sin to maul nature, to steal that which makes creation unique. And yet my brethren and I are tasked with killing ourselves. Of murdering our fundamental nature. And for what?

I feel so cast out and hated. The policy of exclusion had me bawling my eyes out on my bathroom floor years ago. And these new policies have me weeping yet again. How is a little child committing a sin greater than sexual predators by being honest? I thought we valued honesty. That little children were innocent and incapable of lies and inherently good and pure. What business does a toddler have saying "I feel wrong" or "I'm really a boy/girl"

I dont! Get it!

Our God is a God of love and peace and mercy. He is wrathful to the hateful and unjust. How is my love for my wife hateful? How is the light I see glitter in her eyes when she has a mouthful of mischief wrong? The way the corners of her mouth upturn before she unleashes a pun is breathtaking. But apparently because she's not cis either, we're both in the wrong

I've spoken before how unfairly polyamory is treated. How people find me loving more than one person a problem. That's nothing new. To them, love is to be jealously guarded and given sparingly. I am incapable of this. My heart is full of endless love. The few folks who understand the way my love overflows have been fellow queer folks

I don't know how to articulate where I'm going with all this. All I know is it hurts. It feels like my heart is wrapped in barbed wire. Like I'm a songbird forced into silence

All I know is it hurts

[junebugwriter]

Every year my hotel where I work nights in [redacted] hosts a convention, run by the hotel owner. This convention is basically Conservative Catholic Mecca. Every year, they come, they buy every room in the place, and host extremely big-name political and religious figures. We're talking senators, congress people, all of that nonsense. Alongside them, we have priests, bishops, nuns and monks running around here too.

I would say that 95% of them are genuinely the nicest and kindest guests I've ever encountered. I've encountered a LOT of groups, and most groups range from generally nice to out-and-out rude and hell to work with. This group? Generally nice to work with. Most of the people are bland, dull, and inoffensive.

Banal, even.

I know what they say in their meetings, though. The halls are lined with vendors booths and displays that champion to the uber-conservative Catholic cause. These are people who would probably be happy if the church rolled back to its pre-Vatican II status, and go back to Latin rites for everyone. These are the hardcore Trad Caths.

These people want to kill me.

They would never admit that to my face, of course. I'm a boymoding stealth trans woman, early in my transition, and I haven't shaved in a few days. I'm not out at work anyways.

I bet if I asked them what they think of trans people, they would give me a pretty clear answer, though. A clear and present danger to society. Perverting God's creation. An abomination. Perhaps some would be gentle about it, couching it in therapy language, that it is some kind of mental illness, one in need of some kind of, oh, I don't know, conversion therapy. They wouldn't use those words. But they have all kinds of ways of getting around inconvenient truths.

These people are obsessed with the unborn. Forget the life of the parent giving birth. Forget whatever reason they might have that necessitates abortion. These are people guiding policies that have gotten people killed. These are people WRITING policies that will get people killed. These people have blood on their hands, but their obsessed with their concept of purity, they don't care who gets in the way of it.

I'm a religious professional. I know these types of people well. I used to be a pastor, after all. I've felt the anger at their blithe banality, their mealy-mouthed kindness, but it's all too fresh this year.

Lord forgive me, but I hate them in my heart.

Lord, I restrain me from telling them exactly what I think of them, because I live in a society, and I need rent money and healthcare. Healthcare they are dead set against.

Fuck their kindness. Fuck their "love." They don't love me. They love people, as long as it doesn't ruin their vision of a holy, pure, traditional society. Fuck their "clean hands." Fuck them.

If I am angry, it is out of righteous anger. I would say they don't know what they're doing, but the problem is, they know exactly what they are doing. Except they see themselves as heroes. They choose not to see what their policies and dogmas are doing to real people.

I'm not real to them. I'm just a statistic.

But every one of them is very, very real to me.

And I say this as a recipient of their "kindness":

Fuck them.

[nerdygaymormon]

Hello! Do you mind providing me a link to the most current version of the handbook and just noting which sections have the changes about trans policies? I'm having trouble finding it to show my dad.

Some of the changes people are talking about are contained in a supplement to the Handbook, this is the first time such a "supplement" has been issued containing specific rules. It includes rules limiting a trans person to only attending meetings & activities which align with their gender assigned at birth, forbids trans youth and young single adults from overnight activities, restricts trans members from almost all callings, and has specific rules about under what circumstances a trans person may use the restroom.

As for the Handbook itself, right at the very beginning of the Handbook is a page summarizing the recent changes. However, the amount of changes regarding trans members is so extensive they didn't give a summary, they simply provided links to the sections which were changed.

This makes it difficult to know what was changed unless you were familiar with what was there before. Here's a link to the Handbook as it existed in April 2022

For starters, the Handbook section 38.6.23 used to be called "Transgender Individuals" and now it says "Individuals Who Identify as Transgender." The section also says "members who feel their inner sense of gender does not align with their biological sex at birth" instead of "transgender person."

The Handbook used to say: "Most Church participation and some priesthood ordinances are gender neutral. Transgender persons may be baptized and confirmed as outlined in 38.2.3.14. They may also partake of the sacrament and receive priesthood blessings. However, priesthood ordination and temple ordinances are received according to birth sex."

Now it says, "The ordinances of salvation and exaltation are received according to a person’s biological sex at birth." It also suggests that the ways a trans person can participate in the church is by family history and service to others.

The Handbook used to say "A transgender person may be baptized and confirmed if he or she is not pursuing elective medical or surgical intervention to attempt to transition to the opposite of his or her biological sex at birth (“sex reassignment”)."

Now it says, "Baptism and confirmation are received according to a person’s biological sex at birth. Worthy individuals who do not pursue surgical, medical, or social transition away from their biological sex at birth may be baptized and confirmed."

It used to say, "Some children, youth, and adults are prescribed hormone therapy by a licensed medical professional to ease gender dysphoria or reduce suicidal thoughts. Before a person begins such therapy, it is important that he or she (and the parents of a minor) understands the potential risks and benefits. If these members are not attempting to transition to the opposite gender and are worthy, they may receive Church callings, temple recommends, and temple ordinances.

Now this carve out for someone to receive hormone therapy under medical supervision for their mental well being and still be considered worthy has been eliminated.

————————————————

The Handbook says "These individuals often face complex challenges. They—and their family and friends—should be treated with sensitivity, kindness, compassion, and Christlike love. All are children of God and have divine worth." Do these changes seem like they're sensitive, kind, compassionate and full of love?

What they've actually done is indirectly say there is no such thing as a transgender person and anyone who feels they are needs to repent. Basically, we don't want you around our children, we don't trust you to even go to the bathroom, if you feel like we don't want you here, please know we're telling you this "with love and respect."

In the October 2020 General Conference, President Nelson delivered a talk titled "Let God Prevail" in which he said, "Today I call upon our members everywhere to lead out in abandoning attitudes and actions of prejudice. I plead with you to promote respect for all of God’s children." I wish the church truly strove to follow this admonition.

[ace-of-bass]

I'm gonna add on some things that have worked for me & parents. Like headspace, I was raised Evangelical and homeschooled. My parents are still Evangelical and were lifelong Republicans until 2020.

Just talking about these things in a respectful manner and being clear that you believe in liberal policies and have well thought out reasons for doing so is so powerful. My dad first started to be more open to liberal beliefs when he moved to DC and actually encountered real life liberals. They had conversations with him and he realized, "oh. Maybe I don't agree with them, but they're not evil or stupid."

The other HUGE thing for me and my parents was hearing people's personal experiences. I remember the first friends I had that were gay and how conversations with them helped me understand queerness. I know my mom has a friend with a trans kid, and another friend around my age who is trans and has spoken publicly about what it's like. My dad is far less xenophobic and anti-immigrant because of the time he spent in Afghanistan and his closeness with his translator (who has now immigrated to America). I didn't QUITE get BLM until a girl I knew said she was nervous about a nannying job interview because she didn't know if the mom would be okay with her since she was black. My parents talk about listening to black people at their church who helped them understand BLM.

I know that many conservative people will not have the experiences me & my family have had. But if you are a liberal (or whatever leftist term you prefer), you can be the one that helps the conservative in your life see that liberals are not evil or stupid. Your family likely respects you if you have any sort of relationship with them so their first reaction will likely not be to think that you're evil or stupid. And while it does help to personally know people of any marginalized group, reading people's experiences can be a good substitute. I actually didn't change my views on abortion through knowing anyone personally that had one - I just read real-life stories shared on the internet and in podcasts and in books that helped me understand what people were really going through when they had one.

Additionally, don't use alienating language. My favorite example of this is "defund the police" but god knows it gets so much worse. In summer 2020 I was talking to my dad (recently on board with BLM) about defund the police and how a lot of people saying it didn't think we should just stop having police at all in any capacity immediately, they just believe that police budgets are unreasonably bloated and we should divert some of those funds elsewhere. My dad was like, "oh that makes sense, I didn't know that's what they meant." ACAB is another one that's similar. Instead of just parroting ACAB, talk about how police departments discourage good cops from staying. Tell the stories of cops that got pushed out for thinking "shoot first think second" was maybe bad practice. When you use the stock leftist zingers, or worse, highly theoretic & academic language, it alienates people who MAY BE ON YOUR SIDE ALREADY.

The real key I think is stories. I know a lot of people online love to talk theory, but stories of real actual people is what'll make conservatives say, "oh man that's messed up. It shouldn't be that way," and help change their minds.

contemplates writing a detailed guide to deradicalizing republican evangelicals for the billionth time

[theshedding]

Lil Nas X: Country Music, Christianity & Reclaiming HELL

I don’t typically bother myself to follow what Lil Nas X is doing from day to day, or even month to month but I do know that his “Old Town Road” hit became one of the biggest selling/streamed records in Country Music Business history (by a Black Country & Queer artist). “Black” is key because for 75+ years Country music has unsuspiciously evolved into a solidly White-identified genre (despite mixed and Indian & Black roots). Regrettably, Country music is also widely known for anti-black, misogynoir, reliably homophobic (Trans isn’t really a conversation yet), Christian and Hard Right sentiments on the political spectrum. Some other day I will venture into more; there is a whole analysis dying to be done on this exclusive practice in the music industry with its implications on ‘access’ to equity and opportunity for both Black/POC’s and Whites artists/songwriters alike. More commentary on this rigid homogeneous field is needed and how it prohibits certain talent(s) for the sake of perpetuating homogeneity (e.g. “social determinants” of diversity & viable artistic careers). I’ll refrain from discussing that fully here, though suffice it to say that for those reasons X’s “Old Town Road” was monumental and vindicating. 

As for Lil Nas X, I’m not particularly a big fan of his music; but I see him, what he’s doing, his impact on music + culture and I celebrate him using these moments to affirm his Black, Queer self, and lifting up others. Believe it or not, even in the 2020′s, being “out” in the music business is still a costly choice. As an artist it remains much easier to just “play straight”. And despite appearances, the business (particularly Country) has been dragged kicking and screaming into developing, promoting and advancing openly-affirming LGBTQ 🏳️‍🌈 artists in the board room or on-stage. Though things are ‘better’ we have not yet arrived at a place of equity or opportunity for queer artists; for the road of music biz history is littered with stunted careers, bodies and limitations on artists who had no option but to follow conventional ways, fail or never be heard of in the first place. With few exceptions, record labels, radio and press/media have successfully used fear, intimidation, innuendo and coercion to dilute, downplay or erase any hint of queer identity from its performers. This was true even for obvious talents like Little Richard.

(Note: I’m particularly speaking of artists in this regard, not so much the hairstylists, make-up artists, PA’s, etc.)

_____

Which is why...in regard to Lil Nas X, whether you like, hate or love his music, the young brother is a trailblazer. His very existence protests (at least) decades of inequity, oppression and erasure. X aptly critiques a Neo-Christian Fascist Heteropatriarchy; not just in American society but throughout the Music Business and with Black people. That is no small deal. His unapologetic outness holds a mirror up to Christianity at-large, as an institution, theology and practice. The problem is they just don’t like what they see in that mirror.

In actuality, “Call Me By Your Name”, Lil Nas X’s new video, is a twist on classic mythology and religious memes that are less reprehensible or vulgar than the Biblical narratives most of us grew up on vís-a-vís indoctrinating smiles of Sunday school teachers and family prior to the “age of reason”. Think about the narratives blithely describing Satan’s friendly wager with God regarding Job (42:1-6); the horrific “prophecies” in St. John’s Book of Revelation (i.e. skies will rain fire, angels will spit swords, mankind will be forced to retreat into caves for shelter, and we will be harassed by at least three terrifying dragons and beasts. Angels will sound seven trumpets of warning, and later on, seven plagues will be dumped on the world), or Jesus’s own clarifying words of violent intent in Matthew (re: “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.” 10:34). Whether literal or metaphor, these age old stories pale in comparison to a three minute allegorical rap video. Conservatives: say what you will, I’m pretty confident X doesn’t take himself as seriously as “The true and living God” from the book of Job.

A little known fact as it is, people have debunked the story and evolution of Satan and already offered compelling research showing [he] is more of a literary device than an actual entity or “spirit” (Spoiler: In the Bible, Satan does not take shape as an actual “bad” person until the New Testament). In fact, modern Christianity’s impression of the “Devil” is shaped by conflating Hellenized mythology with a literary tradition rooted in Dante’s Inferno and accompanying spooks and superstitions going back thousands of years. Whether Catholic, Protestant, Mormon, Scientologist, Atheist or Agnostic, we’ve spent a lifetime with these predominant icons and clichés. (Resource: Prof. Bart D. Erhman, “Heaven & Hell”).

So Here’s THE PROBLEM: The current level of fear and outrage is: 

(1) Unjust, imposing and irrational. 

(2) Disproportionate when taken into account a lifetime of harmful Christian propaganda, anti-gay preaching and political advocacy.

(3) Historically inaccurate concerning the existence of “Hell” and who should be scared of going there. 

Think I’m overreacting? 

Examples: 

Institutionalized Homophobia (rhetoric + policy)

Anti-Gay Ministers In Life And Death: Bishop Eddie Long And Rev. Bernice King

Black, gay and Christian, Marylanders struggle with Conflicts

Harlem pastor: 'Obama has released the homo demons on the black man'

Joel Olsteen: Homosexuality is “Not God’s Best”

Bishop Brandon Porter: Gays “Perverted & Lost...The Church of God in Christ Convocation appears like a ‘coming out party’ for members of the gay community.”

Kim Burrell: “That perverted homosexual spirit is a spirit of delusion & confusion and has deceived many men & women, and it has caused a strain on the body of Christ”

Falwell Suggests Gays to Blame for 9-11 Attacks

Pope Francis Blames The Devil For Sexual Abuse By Catholic Church

Pope Francis: Gay People Not Welcome in Clergy

Pope Francis Blames The Devil For Sexual Abuse By Catholic Church

The Pope and Gay People: Nothing’s Changed

The Catholic church silently lobbied against a suicide prevention hotline in the US because it included LGBT resources

Mormon church prohibits Children of LGBT parents to be baptized

Catholic Charity Ends Adoptions Rather Than Place Kid With Same-Sex Couple

I Was a Religious Zealot That Hurt People-Coming Out as Gay: A Former Conversion Therapy Leader Is Apologizing to the LGBTQ Community

The above short list chronicles a consistent, literal, demonization of LGBTQ people, contempt for their gender presentation, objectification of their bodies/sexuality and a coordinated pollution of media and culture over the last 50+ years by clergy since integration and Civil Rights legislation. Basically terrorism. Popes, Bishops, Pastors, Evangelists, Politicians, Television hosts, US Presidents, Camp Leaders, Teachers, Singers & Entertainers, Coaches, Athletes and Christians of all types all around the world have confused and confounded these issues, suppressed dissent, and confidently lied about LGBT people-including fellow Queer Christians with impunity for generations (i.e. “thou shall not bear false witness against they neighbor” Ex. 23:1-3). Christian majority viewpoints about “laws” and “nature” have run the table in discussions about LGBTQ people in society-so much that we collectively must first consider their religious views in all discussions and the specter of Christian approval -at best or Christian condescension -at worst. That is Christian (and straight) privilege. People are tired of this undue deference to religious opinions. 

That is what is so deliciously bothersome about Lil Nas X being loud, proud and “in your face” about his sexuality. If for just a moment, he not only disrupts the American hetero-patriarchy but specifically the Black hetero-patriarchy, the so-called “Black Church Industrial Complex”, Neo-Christian Fascism and a mostly uneducated (and/or miseducated) public concerning Ancient Near East and European history, superstitions-and (by extension) White Supremacy. To round up: people are losing their minds because the victim decided to speak out against his victimizer. 

Additionally, on some level I believe people are mad at him being just twenty years old, out and FREE as a self-assured, affirming & affirmed QUEER Black male entertainer with money and fame in the PRIME of his life. We’ve never, or rarely, seen that before in a Black man in the music business and popular culture. But that’s just too bad for them. With my own eyes I’ve watched straight people, friends, Christians, enjoy their sexuality from their elementary youth to adolescence, up and through college and later marriages, often times independently of their spouses (repeatedly). Meanwhile Queer/Gay/SGL/LGBTQ people are expected to put their lives on hold while the ‘blessed’ straight people run around exploring premarital/post-marital/extra-marital sex, love and affection, unbound & un-convicted by their “sin” or God...only to proudly rebrand themselves later in life as a good, moral “wholesome Christian” via the ‘sacred’ institution of marriage with no questions asked. 

Inequality defined.

For Lil Nas X, everything about the society we've created for him in the last 100+ years (re: links above) has explicitly been designed for his life not to be his own. According to these and other Christians (see above), his identity is essentially supposed to be an endless rat fuck of internal confusion, suicide-ideation, depression, long-suffering, faux masculinity, heterosexism, groveling towards heaven, respectability politics, failed prayer and supplication to a heteronormative earthly and celestial hierarchy unbothered in affording LGBT people like him a healthy, sane human development. It’s almost as if the Conservative establishment (Black included) needs Lil Nas X to be like others before him: “private”, mysteriously single, suicidal, suspiciously straight or worse, dead of HIV/AIDS ...anything but driving down the street enjoying his youth as a Black Queer artist and man. So they mad about that?

Well those days are over.  

-Rogiérs is a writer, international recording artist, performer and indie label manager with 25+ years in the music industry. He also directs Black Nonbelievers of DC, a non-profit org affiliated with the AHA supporting Black skeptics, Atheists, Agnostics & Humanists. He holds a B.A. in Music Business & Mgmt and a M.A. in Global Entertainment & Music Business from Berklee College of Music and Berklee Valencia, Spain. www.FibbyMusic.net Twitter/IG: @Rogiers1

[prozach27]

If the metaphors in the bible were useful at helping people be good, there would be good catholics. Instead, there arent. If you join a group that is outright destructively hostile to queer people, you dont get to complain when people are wary of you. You've chosen to identify with a political structure that wants to do harm to them - you DO identify as a threat.

Saying something broadly like “there are no good Catholics in the world” immediately shows me that this isn’t meant to be a rational discussion but one that’s likely stemming from past pain, and for that I’m really sorry. I would’ve agreed with you once. Reality, like any topic, is more complicated.

Like I’ve mentioned before, organized religion can and should be critiqued - especially Catholicism. Blind faith or dogmatic worship raises a million red flags for me. I was treated horribly by the church as a young queer kid growing up in catholic school due to religious zealotry, and it led to a long period of atheism and lashing out at religion. In my specific case though, I slowly realized this was because of how religion as a whole made me feel about myself and my community rather than it being because I didn’t believe in God, and so I was reacting in anger. While in an LGBTQ organization, I ended up working with a Lutheran pastor on several events she was hosting - specifically one called the shower of stoles, showing the stoles (those fancy-looking and colorful shoulder wrappings priests have) of LGBTQ people in faith who’ve been silenced or removed from the church in order to highlight the enormity of the issue and to “bear witness to the huge loss of leadership that the church has brought upon itself because of its own unjust policies.” Things like this made me slowly start to realize I’d been treating Christianity as a one-sided villain, and with time and repeated programming from this Lutheran pastor that was embracing LGBTQ life, I began to feel as though there were some religious people I could let my guard down with (warily).

Once I felt comfortable with who I am and around religion, I ended up switching to the best university in my town, which was a private catholic one. I expected hatred and repeated bigotry. Instead, what I found was a community genuinely eager for my presence and excited for what I had to say. Younger millennials and gen z in the Catholic Church, in my experience, overwhelmingly abhor homophobia (and often transphobia) and are vocal against it in the church. Within a year in that environment, it became crystal clear that everyone just… didn’t have a problem. There was still the administration though, right? Well, the administration went out of their way to spend hundreds of thousands on building an LGBTQ center while I was there, and leading priests on campus actively sought out queer voices and uplifted them. I eventually became president of the LGBTQ group on campus, and priests would once in a blue moon come to meetings just so they could stay informed on what issues need their support - and our faculty advisor was a lesbian faith leader in the community. For my senior event, I even got this catholic university to use its money to put on a raging drag show in the center of campus, and had the pleasure of seeing the Vice President of student affairs along with a priest slip drag queens some dollars during business hours lol. My commencement speaker, Fr. James Martin, has written EXTENSIVELY on how unfairly the LGBTQ community is treated by the church, and meets with bishops (and even the pope) about how the church needs to modernize and embrace queer and trans members of the congregation. He went from being an influential catholic in the church to dedicating his entire career solely to embracing the LGBTQ community, and is repeatedly attending speaking gigs throughout the country to spread this message.

I used to earnestly believe all Catholics - and all Christians generally - were horrible people because of how I was initially treated by the church. As I was re-exposed to religion as an adult, however, it became clear to me that like any organization, judging the people for the leadership lacks nuance. Ever since warily re-entering Catholicism, I’ve been radically embraced by my churches and congregations, and have been exposed to countless fellow members and leaders who are just as concerned about homophobia and transphobia in the church as I am and are actively working to try and change it. Rather than maintain distance and write off Catholicism outright, I feel glad to have a chance to use my experiences to make the world a little brighter for kids growing up queer - by being a part of the church once more, I can serve as a representation that being queer doesn’t contradict believing God loves you, and I can also lend my support to any events or issues I come across that seek to further counter harmful stances the church takes since hurtful messaging no longer hits me the same. By all means, there will always be sects of Christianity and Catholicism that are focused more on hatred and causing pain, but there are so many more that really do take the metaphors in the Bible to heart and genuinely try to do their best to achieve it, and by painting in such a broad stroke, you run the risk of not getting to see that little touch of beauty in the world.

[boxer-shorts-and-pillow-forts]

Biggest factor is gonna be your bishop, but there are good ones out there! Mine is very helpful and aware of lgbt topics (I do live in a heavily LGBT+ city), I've had great conversations with him about doctrine and revelation. He's told me his hands are tied when it comes to following the handbook policies etc, but there is a lot he is allowed and willing to do. He thinks it’s entirely plausible in the future we’ll receive revelation in support of same gender relationships and trans people’s spirits.

He's completely respectful of my name and pronouns, I even get the vibe he believes I am truly a man (ftm). He's happy for me to use male facilities and be included in the elder’s quorum. I had my official membership removed due to circumstances around being trans, but he’s kept me on the EQ email list and ward list. He suggested ways we could get permission for me to be rebaptised (though it hasn’t happened, he was very willing to work towards it). He said it is completely up to me whether or not other members know I’m trans or not, he won’t tell anyone without my permission. He even said if I want to be active in the church he’ll find me a calling- not able to be inputted in the system but still regarded as a calling to him and the ward.

We had a conversation once about activity and following commandments, and what reason I should have to do any of it if I’ll never be considered ‘worthy’. It really changed my perspective. He said I’ll be blessed and held accountable for doing whatever I can do- not what I cannot do. The things out of my control due to being trans aren’t things I have to worry about not doing. Temple work etc, I’m not allowed to do, so I’m not gonna be judged by God for not doing it. I will be blessed for doing whatever things I can do, and keeping whatever commandments I can, and if I do everything I can I will be just as blessed as cishet members who do everything they can. And not once did he imply detransitioning as something I can or should do.

Best of luck to you trying out your local wards <3 there are good ones out there!

Hey! No pressure to anyone but if anyone has had any good experiences as a trans person in the church I'd LOVE to hear them. I want to get back into regular church attendance and I'm scared stiff!

[alyss-not-cis]

My Oppression as a Pansexual

Hi there! My name is Alyss, I'm a bigender pansexual, and I'm a Christian.

Being a Christian, my family is extremely conservative. Like, Ben Shapiro conservative.

I was adopted when I was 10, and started homeschooling in a Christian community when I was 11 because I was being bullied in my public school. During that time, I was undergoing a lot of depression and guilt because I realized I started liking girls (this was before I identified as bigender).

In our community, homosexual acts and feelings are considered demonic, as well as mental health issues. I was struggling with both, and became overwhelmingly suicidal because of that guilt. I attempted suicide twice at the age of 11 and my parents never did anything to help me. I was terrified of coming out to them about my feelings towards other girls, so only tried to talk to them about my mental health. They believed that there was a spiritual problem with me, and instead of taking me to a therapist or looking more into the problem, they had family pray over me.

I felt like the black sheep of the family, and stayed in the closet battling my sexuality for years after. Then, when I was 14, I accepted my sexuality as bisexual. I had a few flings with both men and women in the Christian community, and tried to help as many people in the LGBTQ+ Christian community as possible because I had also endured their feelings. Then, at the age of 15, I started my sophmore year in a Christian highschool.

In this highschool, you don't celebrate Halloween, you can't show your knees or shoulders, baseball caps are a sin, etc. I had found a group of LGBTQ+ allys and members in the school and we became amazing friends until my senior year. I had switched my label to pansexual because I had a small relationship with a nonbinary on Instagram (who is still one of the nicest people I have ever met), and had a few fellow bigender partners. By this time, I was at the beginning of my senior year and a lot of people in the school knew I was pansexual.

The school had a VERY strict rule against LGBTQ+ to where you weren't even allowed to talk about it without receiving academic probation. The second quarter of that year, I had a failing grade in Chemistry, so my mother and I were called into a meeting with the school's director and my chemistry teacher. I had already been through this process before, but I had a terrible amount of disrespect for this chemistry teacher. Not only did she make the class about politics (not chemistry, which is what we were PAYING for), but she made extremely offensive comments about the LGBTQ+ community in the class (I was the only student in the class who wasn't straight, and almost everyone in that class knew except for her).

During the meeting, the director had decided to bring up a couple of complaints she had heard about me. One was the fact that I came to school in a onesie (it had footies that were against school policy), and I had worn "dark" make up. Then the last was that I was claiming I was pansexual.

I thought my heart had stopped, and my face went pale. Neither of my parents knew I was pansexual, and now I was being outed at my school in front of my mother and homophobic chemistry teacher.

The next half hour was spent listening to lectures about how I was giving a bad influence to the younger, more impressionable kids at the school and that I needed to seek help. My mom tried to defend me, saying "Well, I'm sure she didn't mean what she said. Right?" And she looked at me. I said no. I meant what I said, and you know what? I was proud of it.

I had to sign an agreement saying I was on academic probation for breaking the rules for the next coming quarter. I was crying my eyes out the whole day, sobbing my eyes out in front of anybody and everybody (making my one-on-one tutoring session VERY uncomfortable for my pre-calc teacher). My parents had now found out I was pansexual.

That night, I had sent out a text to my group of friends about what had happened, trying to seek comfort. They were incredibly supportive, yet very hostile towards the director. I had laughed it off as a joke, and sent a text saying "Put the snitch in a ditch." A very immature comment, and I do agree that I shouldn't have said that.

The next morning, my mother had received a phone call from a detective saying I was under investigation for death threats against the director. I was immediately expelled breaking the probation by saying I was pansexual. All of my friends in that group chat were also expelled and under investigation.

I'm now not allowed to speak to any of them, and was forced to tell my parents I was straight because I was about to be kicked out. I'm now paying for my own education to complete my senior year and have lost connection to almost every person I was once friends with.

My point here is; being a part of LGBTQ+ in a Christian community as a minor is terrifying. I'd heard of many coming out horror stories from people I was close to, and hated seeing them suffering like I did.

I do consider myself a Christian, but you can be a Christian and not be this hateful.

The Bible says "You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others?" Matthew 5:43-48.

Even if we, as members of LGBTQ+, are enemies to these conservative extremists, this behavior is unbiblical. The comment I made in the group chat was hateful, and I repent of my actions. I never should have said that, and I have learned from my mistakes. With that being said, it doesn't excuse the efforts of this school. I still love the people there, and am willing to treat them with respect, but I am not going to ignore discrimination.

My parents have even more oppressive. Whenever I'm around, they throw slurs at homosexuals on T.V., and they make fun of me openly behind my back in front of my younger brothers. They even accidentally sent a message in a group chat that I was in, making fun of the fact that I supported trans rights. And when they found out I could see those messages, they said they were entitled to what they said because it's "unnatural" and my feelings didn't matter.

This past week has been the worst so far with their homophobic and transphobic comments, it's gotten to the point where I can't even wear a hat backwards without my mom breaking down.

With that, I wanted to make this post as a safe space for anyone in a similar place and say that you're not alone. You are valid, you are not "filled with demons", and you are beautiful. I know that pain you're feeling, and I'm offering to help comfort and support you. God LOVES you, no matter what any Church Karen says.

Even if you don't believe in God, you're valid and safe here. You don't need to harbor any guilt for who you are, and you are gonna come out of this a strong, admirable warrior. I love you all, and remember to love yourself too.

Thank you for reading this, and remember to stay safe,

-Alyss

[rotationalsymmetry]

Hello! I hope you’re doing well. I saw your post about UUs and I myself am one as well! I was wondering if maybe you could explain some of the issues there are in UU congregations so I can better understand what’s going on. I can’t change much, but I’d like to know what can be improved and how I can better use my privilege. Thank you :)

Hi there. Thanks for reaching out. I think. Oof. Are you sure you want to ask this? I don’t have a really straightforward “here’s precisely what Unitarian Universalism needs to do to improve (broken down into concrete, realistic steps!)” I have a whole tangle of feelings and personal biases and incredibly subjective experiences. OK? All right. With that disclaimer out of the way. Eh, actually, more disclaimer: all institutions have problems. There are things that Unitarian Universalism does better than most other religious institutions. There’s a reason I was going off about what I like about UU before what I dislike. This is not saying that Unitarian Universalism is bad. OK?

Putting in a cut because this is long:

Unitarian Universalism has an ongoing, well-known problem around being kind of fuzzy around what it is and what it wants to be. Do we draw on multiple faiths, and if so what does that look like in practice? Are we Christianity lite? Are we basically a bunch of secular humanists who like to get together and sing sometimes? How far exactly does (or should) our tolerance stretch?

Unitarian Universalism has a whiteness issue and a class issue. Now, I’m white, so the race part isn’t mainly coming from my own experience. There’s something I’ve seen that sums it up well, but I can’t find it right now. Basically: there’s a bit of a tendency for UU’s to nominally want to more diverse congregations, but when a new person of color shows up, sometimes they get treated kind of...weirdly. Like they’re not one of us and not going to be.

a bit more on UU and race here: x

And, class wise, I was raised middle class, but I’ve been broke for an awful lot of my adulthood and a lot of the people I know in my generation (Millenials) are broke/struggling financially. So when the lead minister of my congregation made some random comment about having trouble attracting young people because church and brunch with friends are competing for the same time slot. I thought of a young adult in the congregation who was active in the youth group but couldn’t make it to Sunday worship because he had to work on Sundays. And the time one of my coworkers got a promotion at my workplace, and definitely she was competent and I don’t begrudge her getting it, but also she ended up working an awful lot of Sundays and that was very likely a factor in her getting the promotion. And I’d been trying to avoid pledge drive Sunday for years because it always, every time, made me feel like I wasn’t really welcome if I couldn’t contribute much financially, even when I was contributing a great deal of my time. This is subjective and it could mostly be an issue with my then congregation. But I don’t think it is.

While Unitarian Universalism likes to think of itself as trans friendly, and it’s certainly much friendlier than some denominations, sometimes it drops the ball. Here’s an apology for an article about trans people that centered a cis person’s perspective and had some other issues: x

Anecdotally, subjectively, etc: this is an issue across the board. Unitarian Universalism’ self-image and what the organization actually is has a substantial gap. I attended a few workshops at GA this year, and: on the surface, great! So many workshops on such great anti-oppressive topics! But...when I actually went to the workshops, it was unsatisfying. It felt very introduction-ish. Maybe that was on purpose. But...I was hoping for better. 

Super anecdotally: UU’s tend to forget that disabled people exist. UU’s tend to not support disabled people and parents of disabled children.

Back to the “are we Christianity Lite?” thing. I dropped out of seminary. One part of thatwas this: x  Another was that at the time (it’s apparently since changed) the MFC requirements (uh, this is getting a bit technical: congregations ordain ministers, but in practice fellowshipping is important as well, and that’s what the MFC does, basically it’s saying other UU ministers think you should be a UU minsiter) prioritized knowledge about Christianity and the Bible over knowledge of other religions, even though nominally Unitarian Universalism is not Christian and Christianity isn’t especially prioritized in our Six Sources. As someone who is not Christian and didn’t expect my future ministry to involve a lot of Bible talk and really didn’t think prioritizing knowledge of the Bible among our religious leaders was good for the denomination as a whole, this bothered me. A lot. (For what it’s worth, most Starr King classes were actually really good at not doing this.) (The classes that did, though, made me want to tear my hair out. And made me wonder if this denomination I was studying to be a minister in, was the same as the denomination I’d participated in as a lay person for years.)

This is hard to put into words. But: sometimes people will say they believe a thing, but their follow-through is bad. Or they say one thing but act another way -- not because they’re lying, but because what they believe on the surface hasn’t been fully internalized. This is, anecdotally etc, a really common issue in Unitarian Universalism.

More super anecdotal etc: UU’s need to break the habit of seeing RE as daycare, and worship services that involve kids as being about showing off the kids to the adults. I took a quick look at you and it says you’re 18, so if you grew up UU you probably have your own opinions on this. But...sometimes the adult congregation and the kids’/youth programs are entirely separate worlds, and that’s not healthy for congregations.

YMMV: I’m not a huge fan of approaches to worship that involve sitting passively for most of the service. If the worship is going to be the same whether you’re there or not, why bother showing up? (Obviously some congregations are more like this than others, and apparently some people like the “lecture and a concert” format?? I’m not one of them.)

Basically, I think UU’s need to work on connection more and mutual support of each other more. While I approve of the social justice focus of course, social justice starts at home. You need to support the people who are actually in your congregation. I moved a year and a half ago, and haven’t joined my local congregation. Why? Because my illness makes it almost impossible to go anywhere in the mornings, and while they livestreamed each worship service, before the pandemic (presumably it’s all zoom worship now), there was zero effort to actually include anyone watching the livestream. Not so much as a PDF of the order of service. No verbal acknowledgement that some people aren’t present in the room. Nothing. (Side note: I tried one worship service at a “normal” congregation after the pandemic started, and all the mourning of not being able to be together in person was extremely frustrating to me, since I hadn’t been able to attend in person worship before the pandemic either. No one was thinking of people like me, and it was really, really obvious. I’ve since joined Church of the Larger Fellowship.) You say you want to use your privilege. That’s great! Some thoughts.

Trans people: How’s your congregation on pronouns? If your congregation uses nametags, can you push to normalize people putting their pronouns on nametags? What’s the bathroom situation: is it clear that trans women (whether you currently have any trans women in your congregation or not) can use the women’s bathroom? Is there a unisex bathroom that non-binary people and binary people who don’t feel safe using “their” bathroom can use? Also: a lot of older people weren’t raised with this and never really caught up, (and tbf some young people are ignorant too) so there’s a need for some trans 101 education.

Disability: for zoom worship, is there closed captioning for people who have hearing impairments or language processing issues? For live worship, what’s being done to make sure deaf and hard of hearing people are included? What’s being done for blind people (eg, electronic copies of the order of service being available for people who are blind but have screen readers?) For people who just have a little trouble seeing, are there large-print orders of service? What about the agendas for committee meetings and so on? This doesn’t have a quick fix, but are there places in your congregation that can’t be reached in a wheelchair? What about the chancel? (ie that area that the minister and whoever else is leading worship is speaking from?) Is there a wheelchair-accessible entrance that’s open during worship but closed during other programming?

How’s ministry to people who are sick or injured or just too old to get out much? And: is that support available to newer or prospective members, or only people who contributed to the congregation first? How available is information on how to get that kind of support: is it a thing where only some people are in the know, or is there outreach?

Are there unspoken rules about who’s the “right kind” of person to be in the congregation and who isn’t?

Sexual harassment, abuse, etc: is there a clear way to report sexual harassment? Does everyone know what it is? Does the congregation have a policy for what happens if a congregant is accused of sexual abuse? If a minister is? What's the congregation’s child abuse prevention policy? Do the people who work/volunteer with kids know what to do if a child or teen reports abuse to them? Are they screened in any way?

What accommodations does RE make for special needs children? If a child needs one on one assistance, does the RE program force the parent to provide that assistance if the child is to be part of the program?

What’s the policy on support animals? (these days: what’s the policy on emotional support animals?) How are the needs of people with allergies or other issues with dogs etc, balanced with the needs of people who benefit from support animals? (This can be tricky, I’m not saying there’s a clear right/wrong here, but it’s something that can make a congregation inaccessible.)

I don’t know the details on this, but I know sensory issues can be a problem for some people, eg flickering overhead lights. Scents can be an issue for some people, one possible solution is to have part of the sanctuary marked scent-free, dunno how well that plays out in practice.)

Representation: who’s speaking up during worship, and what are they speaking about? Something to be aware of.

Us/Them language: especially relevant if you’re speaking to the congregation during worship, but important in casual coffee hour chat too: who’s “us” and who’s “them”? Do people in your congregation tend to talk about, say, people below the poverty line as “them”? Homeless people? Black people? Immigrants?

Finding ways of making small talk that aren’t “what do you do for a living?”

I haven’t said anything about racism yet; a lot of congregations have some sort of anti-racist discussion group or something? Those things are good; there’s only so much they do by themselves, but as part of a larger whole, they’re important. Also, presence at Black Lives Matter protests, putting up a Black Lives Matter banner or sign if your congregation hasn’t done that, stuff like that.

Oh, culture and music and stuff. What kind of music gets played. Congregations that have made a specific attempt to be multiracial often find it’s necessary to do a lot of hashing out of what the music is going to be like.

And there’s a representation aspect to who gets quoted.

Small Group Ministry/Covenant groups: my former congregation liked to ask what your demographic info is and then split things up for “diversity” purposes. This is actually a really bad idea. In a congregation that’s mostly white, it means that often the non-white people end up being the only non-white person in their groups. Great for white people who want to “experience diversity”, but not so great for actual poc. My congregation had enough queer people that it wasn’t one queer person per group, but I could see that maybe happening in other places. And I think it did tend to separate out trans people into separate groups.

Cultural appropriation/cultural misappropriation: uff. I think some people go off the deep end on this. But, some things to consider. If the congregation is doing something to celebrate a Jewish holiday, is it run by someone who is Jewish or is of Jewish heritage? Stuff like that. Sometimes Unitarian Universalists’ desire to be all multicultural and interfaith and stuff, leaves out important things like “is this part of the culture that it’s ok for outsiders to share?” and “are we actually in relationship with this group of people?” And “are we cherry picking messages from sacred texts that we like, and leaving out the stuff we don’t like, when it’s not our sacred text and we don’t have enough context to do that respectfully?” x for overview and in more detail x

Also RE: is this Native American story one that it’s actually OK for us to tell? I’m not necessarily suggesting you go over what other people are doing, but if you’re teaching RE yourself, you get a say in what you teach.

If you happen to be a UU pagan or there’s a CUUPS group at your congregation that you sometimes participate in, there’s kind of a ton of work about untangling cultural appropriation in specifically pagan spaces, honestly I don’t know where to start with that. Don’t put that on yourself if you’re not part of that kind of group though, focus on groups you are part of.

Land acknowledgements.

Oftentimes if someone brings up an issue that requires work to change it, especially a younger person, the people who get stuff done are going to be, “ok, that sounds like work, we’ve already got a ton on our plate so are you going to do it?” So, if you offer to do some of the work of running the congregation, you’ll be in a better place to implement these sorts of changes. (I know a lot of times older adults don’t want to trust young adults with responsibility, so it might take some time to earn trust.) But also some are things you can just do: like you can say your pronouns every time you introduce yourself or put your pronouns on disposable nametags, if you’re comfortable with it.

General advice: you don’t have to (and shouldn’t try to) change everything at once. Be aware of a lot of things and be willing to be a “follower” on a lot of things. Signing petitions, saying “yes, that sounds like a good idea,” stuff like that. Be a leader on a small, manageable number of things. Maybe see what other people in your congregation are already doing that seems like a step in the right direction, and see how you can support that. Some of what UU’s are already doing is already really good, and most likely there’s already people around you who want Unitarian Universalism to act in closer alignment with its ideals.