#why are you directing it at the idols themselves- they’re doing what they’re pressured or told to do

[cheekyquokka]

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[duuhrayliegh]

Fuck Misogyny

request: Bucky uses his newly gained knowledge of feminism to squash misogynistic interview questions. @ptrs-prkrs

warnings: language, creepy men, feminist!bucky

a/n: hey babes!! i hope this lived up to what you wanted! i couldn’t find the exact video you were referencing but i know what you’re talking about, so i drew inspiration from a few others.

p.s.: my requests and tag lists are open!!

xoxo ray

full m.list

The set up was simple. A long row of fold out tables covered in black fabric, microphones in front of each seat. Black papers were taped to the backs of the microphones with each team member's name. Bucky had told Evie that he wasn’t going to be able to work out with her today because of this so it better be worth it. The PR manager for the team, Amanda, had set everything up. Hired the mediator, notified the press, everything. Ever since they announced that they were going to be hosting an Avenger’s Q&A Panel, the internet quite literally broke.

Of course Bucky had been doing lives on TikTok with the group of five for the past couple of weeks now, so he was becoming quite comfortable in this format. He’s become increasingly active on his social media accounts, gaining more and more followers everyday. Granted, there were still haters, as Freddie called them, but Bucky ignored them for the most part.

Bucky was actually excited for this press meeting. He was finally gaining traction in the media and he knew how to correctly answer their questions. As Amanda had explained, there was going to be several questions from the mediator, tons from the press that they had invited, and then some fan questions as well. They apparently were going to be live streaming the conference on YouTube allowing them to read the comments and questions as it went on.

“Okay, everyone. You have two minutes until we start.” The team was in an empty board room in the Hilton hotel. Tony didn’t want everyone on the compound’s grass because he just had it fixed. Bucky scanned his fellow teammates. It was impossible for everyone to dress for the same event. Steve was wearing a shirt that was almost bursting at the seams with a pair of jeans and sneakers.

Tony was wearing a lovely Tom Ford, three piece, two-button, of course. Natasha and Wanda were wearing ripped jeans and casual tops. Vision was wearing a sweater vest and slacks, Bruce was clad in slacks as well a jacket covering his shoulders. Sam was wearing a button-up shirt and pressed jeans and he couldn’t find Clint anywhere, probably hiding in the rafters again.

Bucky had his iconic leather jacket donning his shoulders, a pair of slightly ripped jeans. His outfit was picked out by Cassie and Penny. “You need to look like you care but like you don’t at the same time.” Is what they said, the phrase made Bucky shake his head. His hair had finally started growing back and he wasn’t quite sure how he felt about it.

He had gotten help from Evie before he left Cassie’s apartment. She had pulled back the top half, braiding back two sections into the bun at the back of his head. There were pieces dangling in front of his eyes, “to accentuate the facial features, trust me they’ll love it.” Was Evie’s explanation as they pushed him out of the apartment, so he wouldn’t be late.

“Alright guys! They’re calling your names!” The team filed out of the board room and into a large ballroom. Bottles of water were placed beside each placemat. Tony went out first, followed by Steve, then Bruce, Natasha, Clint, Wanda, Vision, Sam and ending with Bucky. They all settled into their seats, Bucky peeled his jacket off himself, placing it on the back of his chair. His black short sleeved shirt highlighted the gold inlays of his vibranium arm.

“Oh, I see we’re showing some muscle today huh, Buck?” Sam teased as Bucky took his seat next to him. Bucky groaned in realization, covering his microphone so it didn’t pick up what he planned to say.

“Good God, is this what it’s going to be like the entire panel? You just bugging the shit outta me?” They shared a laugh making the rest of the members look at the pair. The audience clapped as they were introduced and continued clapping as they assembled before them.

“Thank you. We would like to welcome everyone to the first, of hopefully many, Avenger’s Q&A Panel.” The female mediator, Stacey, read the assigned lines off the sheet on her podium. “We are going to start with questions we curated for the team and then open it up to the members of the press. After that we will turn to our live stream and answer some viewer questions.” The press rustled in their seats, pulling out pens and journals as well as their phones to record. “Okay, starting off with a question directed at the Avengers in general. How are you feeling about coming before the media in this type of format?” Glances were exchanged between the members, not sure on who was going to start.

“I feel that this is a great way for the general public to learn a little bit more about each individual team member.” Vision was the first to respond and Steve added on.

“Yeah, I definitely think that there’s a common misconception that we don’t want to engage with the media or the general public. We do, unfortunately due to the amount of research and training that we are doing behind the scenes, it just goes to the back of our minds.”

“Right. So Tony and Bruce, we all know that you two are geniuses. What are your feelings on expanding the teachings of STEM courses to not only high school, but as far back as elementary school or even kindergarten?” The pair thought about the question before answering.

“Well, I definitely think that offering STEM-based classes at a younger age would be beneficial, especially if we were to allow the kids to continue to switch what they want to focus on.” Bruce started. “It’s incredibly anxiety-inducing for teenagers to have to decide what they’re going to do with their life right before they are thrust into an unforgiving world.”

“Yeah, I’ll never understand why we do that to our future leaders, it’s honestly baffling. Why do American schools wait until high school to require our children to learn foriegn languages, they aren’t going to retain that information. The same applies for such comprehensive courses like STEM-based ones. If you wait until their brains are already developed so far, then they’ve already decided what they think is interesting and if they don’t find those courses interesting then they aren’t going to pay attention.” Tony finished Bruce's thought before nodding to each other smugly, obviously proud of themselves for answering the question so well.

“Interesting that you see it that way. This last one goes out to everyone and then we’ll open it up to the reporters. How do you deal with the stress and anxiety that comes with being an Avenger? Do you feel a certain amount of pressure to always do the right thing?” Stacey shuffled her papers, tapping them twice on the podium.

“We all have our own routines and ways that we decompress after missions so that really just depends on the person. Like I think that Bruce listens to opera music, and Wanda mediatates, Tony tinkers. It depends on the person.” Natasha answered concisely, making Bucky nod his head. He could recall all of those things to be true.

“Oh definitely, and it doesn’t hurt that we have a former VA Trauma Counselor on board to help us work through the harder stuff.” Steve added a gesture of his head to Sam.

“Speaking of that Sam, just a quick question before we open it up. How difficult was it for you to transition from regular Air Force missions to Avenger level missions?” Sam made a face at Stacey before answering.

“Um, I mean, it’s not that different. You’re always fighting one of the Big Three-- aliens, androids, or wizards, no matter what department you’re working with. The only transition I had to deal with was the Tony Stark-erized suits. Now that I think of it, Tony, can we make it tighter?” Sam quipped making the room laugh with ease.

“Alright, well now we’re going to open it up to the reporters. Starting with this gentleman in the front and then if we could also give a microphone to someone on that side of the room. Okay, thank you.” The first reporter stood up, holding the microphone in one hand and his phone in the other.

“Hello. John from Huffington Post. The Avengers inspire almost everyone around the world, so we would like to know who inspires you? Who do you look up to in terms of your idols?” He sat back down as the team contemplated their answers.

“Gandhi.” Bruce said, Tony snapped his fingers and pointed at him then added. “Pepper, she’s so amazing.” Steve looked down to Bucky, who shrugged.

“I would probably have to say that my sister, Sarah, inspires me. She raised her two sons, Cas and AJ, by herself after the Blip and was able to keep the family business going.” Sam’s answer made Bucky smile. Sam had brought him to their house in Delacroix, he remembered waking up to Cas and AJ playing in the kitchen, happy giggles filtering through reminding him of his time in Wakanda. By the time that Bucky had refocused on the conversation they had moved on without his answer. Several different questions went by, all directed to the team at large, until Chad.

“Hi, I’m Chad for the Daily Mail. My question is for Wanda and Natasha.” The pair of women perked up, excited to have a specific question. “Do you find that your equipment hinders you in doing your job as well as your male counterparts?” Stunned expressions settled over the womens faces, then annoyance. Bucky’s brows shot up to his hairline, appalled that someone had the balls to ask that. Wanda and Natasha handled the question with grace and much more restraint than Bucky would have.

“Well for me, I am able to move things with my mind so I can throw things randomly at people even if I’m not in the room. I’ve been very fortunate to work with Natasha who has Widow training, so my hand to hand combat is improving immensely. And being able to work with Princess Shuri in Wakanda to learn how to fully control my powers. It’s an ever evolving process that I’m always excited to take on.” Bucky nodded and turned his attention to Natasha.

“My favorite thing is training with either Steve or Bucky because they push me to do my best. We all have our specialties here and it’s nice to learn new skills or improve old ones with people who support you.” Natasha sat back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest, throwing daggers with her eyes at Chad in the audience, waiting for him to say something else. Chad stood again, yelling so he could be heard over the crowd’s commotion.

“That’s great, ladies, but forgive me, you didn’t answer the question I asked.” Bucky pushed forward in his seat, leaning into his microphone.

“I’m sorry, I think I misunderstood what you asked them then. I would like for you to clarify what you mean by equipment.” Chad balked, not expecting a male’s voice to respond.

“You know what’s implied by equipment, sir.” Bucky’s jaw clenched at the man.

“Did you just ask two of the most capable women that I’ve ever known, if their equipment, which I’m assuming you’re referring their breasts, made it to where they couldn’t do their job as good as the rest of their male counterparts. Just to be clear, that’s what you’re asking?” Chad stuttered as he answered yes.

“Right, well first off that’s disgusting. Just a bit of background for you, Wanda is the strongest Avenger here, plain and simple. As for Natasha, she’s the smartest woman I’ve ever met and she can take down every single male here.” Bucky took a breath before continuing. “So, what I think you really want to know is how they encourage their teammates to keep up with them.” He dropped his head to look at the two women down the line.

“Don’t worry Chad, I’ll ask them the right question, since you can’t quite seem to understand how to respect women.” The team was holding back snickers at Chad’s reaction. “Wanda, Natasha. Chad wants to know how the hell you push your male teammates to be just as good as you are. What are your strategies to keep us on our toes while training?” Claps sounded from the women press members and Bucky awaited the pair's response. The next press member stood and asked a question.

“Hi, I’m Chloe from Vanity Fair. This question goes to everyone on the panel.” Bucky settled in for another question that didn’t matter. “How do you continue to be aware of things happening in our society today? Do you keep up-to-date through new channels, or social media?” The answers were rather generic from the team, all of them rather uncomfortable from the tension that Bucky and Chad had created. Stacey interrupted after Chloe’s question.

“Okay, we’re going to open it up to viewer questions from our live stream.” An iPad was placed on the podium in front of Stacey and her eyebrows rose. “Okay, there’s quite a variety here. Here’s one for Steve and Bucky.” Bucky perked up, nervous to answer because his adrenaline had worn off.

“One viewer asks, ‘Steve and Bucky, being from the 40’s, women were treated like second thoughts and were talked about like objects. Now, you’re in the 21st century, not much has changed. What have you been doing to support feminist causes?’”

“I just want to say that everyone should be answering this. It’s true that during the 40’s women were not treated the right way, and they still aren’t today. An 18 year old can’t walk down the street at nine o’clock at night without being catcalled. I am a proud feminist, as everyone should be. I think that as a team we are doing pretty well in that department. As far as what I’m doing to support feminist causes, I’m doing as much as I can. I actually recently enrolled in online classes to expand my knowledge on many subjects, seeing as how I am from the 40’s and all.” The crowd laughed along with Bucky.

“Almost all of my classes have to do with either psychology or gender studies, it’s a fascinatingly haunting subject. One book that I’m reading right now was suggested to me by my friend Cassie, it’s called Hood Feminism: Notes from the Women that a Movement Forgot. The author doesn’t let up and I’m only halfway through it. Look, I’m still educating myself, but I’m a strong believer in doing what is right for everyone, so I’m trying. Thankfully I have a few people keeping me in check as far as my actions.” Bucky thought his response was well thought out for being an on the fly question. He was new to the concept of feminism but that didn’t change the fact that it made total sense.

“I’m with Bucky on this. The 40’s were a rough time. I remember the first time I met Peggy Carter, I was astonished that a woman could be in such a powerful position. One of the first things she did after I met her was punch out someone who made a sexual comment to her. I’ve been supporting feminist causes ever since working with Peggy.” Steve added, a sad smile spreading on his face reminiscing Peggy.

“This one says, ‘As a total fan of all of you, I love seeing what you post on your social media accounts. When are the rest of the Avengers going to follow Bucky’s lead and download TikTok?’” Bucky’s head flew back into a full body laugh. Tony shifted forward in his seat, pointing his finger at the laughing man down the table.

“I would just like to say he didn’t get that approved before doing it. However, it did go over really well, so we’ll consider it.” Wanda’s mouth rolled inwards, stifling her laughter.

“We’ll consider it, you’re such an old man. Most of us have TikTok already, we just don’t make content on it like Barnes over here.” Sam said, tossing his head in Bucky’s direction.

“I’ve got like three videos on there!” Bucky and Sam began bantering back and forth.

“Yeah and one of them is dancing to a Cardi B song! Who even showed you that? I thought you only like 40’s music?” Bucky made a face at the man.

“Uh, just because I didn’t like your suggestions for music doesn’t mean I don’t have taste. My Spotify playlist is filling out quite nicely, Wilson.” Bucky and Sam didn’t quit fighting from then on, just little jabs at each other under the table.

“Here’s a good one,” Stacey had a smile on her face, “Are you allies of the LGBTQ+ community?” Bucky responded quickly with no hesitation.

“Yes, many of my friends are members of the Alphabet Mafia. Why wouldn’t we be?” Wanda nodded at his question, laughing at his use of the phrase Alphabet Mafia.

“Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I’m dating a fucking android, I’d be pretty hypocrictal if I wasn’t an ally. Nat, Clint what about you?” Clint bobbed his head in response.

“Oh yeah. We all are, even the Star Spangled Man with a Plan.” Steve’s shoulders shook with laughter at Clint’s nickname for him. The team broke out into laughter, joining Steve. Stacey cleared her throat, commanding the attention of the room again.

“Alright, everybody! That’s it for today.” She glanced down at her papers. “We would like to thank everyone for coming out today and joining the Avengers Q&A Panel. At this time we are unaware, if we will be conducting another one of these, but the odds look good based on the response.” The team filed out of the ballroom and into the empty boardroom. Bucky was the last to get into the room and he was approached by Natasha and Wanda immediately. Wanda wrapped her arms around him in a bear hug.

“That was so sick, Bucky!” She stepped back and Natasha offered him a side hug as well. “Where’d you learn all that? And since when are you taking online classes?”

“That guy was being an asshole, he needed to be put in his place. I hope you guys didn’t feel like I overstepped or anything.” Bucky hung his arm over Wanda’s shoulder, leaning his weight on her. “And I started about two months ago. They’re going really well, I’m learning a lot and enjoying it surprisingly. It’s a good thing to do in my free time since I’m not always on missions.”

“I’m proud of you James, that was impressive.” Natasha complimented him, she wasn’t usually a woman of many words so that was a lot. Bucky smiled at her, nodding his head. His phone began buzzing in his back pocket, so he excused himself from their conversation. His screen displayed one of Evie’s senior pictures, signalling that she was calling him. He pushed the green button and brought the phone to his ear to answer her call.

“Hello?” She ignored his greeting with a squeal.

“Check your Twitter! Bucky, you’re trending! Here I’m putting you on speaker, we’re all here Buck!” Shuffling noises were heard through the speaker as Evie began reading the tweets to Bucky. Laughs from Cassie, Freddie and Penny could be heard behind Evie’s voice.

“Oh my gosh Eve! Just let the man get back to what he was doing!” Freddie yelled at an excited Evie, who retaliated with a scoff.

“Okay, okay! Just remember we have a movie night tomorrow! It’s Penny’s turn to pick so we don’t know what to expect.” Evie mumbled the last part into her phone speaker. Bucky heard the impact of a pillow hit Evie, causing her to grunt in pain. “Okay! We’ll talk to you later, Buck! See you soon!” She hung up the phone before he could get a word in edgewise. Bucky shook his head as he shoved his phone back into his pocket. Amanda approached Bucky asking to speak with him privately.

“So we’re getting a flood of interview requests from networks and papers. We would like to start running with this. We’ll have to go over everything with our PR guy, Ryan, but it should work out. As long as you’re comfortable with all of this.” Bucky smiled and nodded, following after Amanda as she continued explaining what would happen going forward.

He was nervous, of course, but he could tell these nerves were coming from a place of excitement instead of fear, which was a new sensation for the man. It wasn’t unwelcome, it was the same as when he first started hanging out with Cassie, Penny, Freddie and Evie. It was the same when he went on his first mission with the team. Bucky was ready to tackle this next adventure, whatever it would entail.

[potteresque-ire]

Hi! I have been reading your posts and responses to anonymous and I am inclined to comment on your broadly realistic views and detailed analystic answers and let us not forget your ability to be warm in putting forward your opinions. I am truly a huge fan. Thank you for being a station for various answer seekers.

If you have time and patience, please elaborate on the situation GG is still facing post 227. Recently I read various comments insinuating GG copied DD for Douyin night which is absurd but the implication that only one party is still being targeted unnecessarily raise hackles of a lot of solo fans. And I, under any circumstances, DO NOT believe the involvement of the other party. Firm believer of BJYXSZD.

My point is what is being done to stop these antis from targeting GG. Since one of the motive to target GG is to severe the relationship of GG and DD, IMO at least. Does constant attack (external stimulus) on GG (belittling him by comparing him to DD) may have the possibility to effect their relationship (internal reaction)? Objectively yes, but given your perception of their relationship, what is your opinion in this matter, however subjective it may be?

Moreover, how much extreme and sometimes irrational analysis done by bjyx community can lead to harm to both of them especially GG?

Also, I have seen DD being the captain of BJYX in various circumstances but also throwing off people from their old predicted/maintened theories especially in case of Kadians. I am not sure how much to trust these 'candies' since he has a reputation of not giving a f*** of others opinion. So why would he post GG related or non-related content with same kadians. I mean if he posts private content with GG related kadian then why post promotional content with GG related kadian. Does it imply that kadians are related to GG or not or he doesn't care and we are thinking too much. I am not sure what I am writing now, maybe multitude of thoughts poring out here. I am extremely sorry for that.

I do not know whether people believe or not but 1st post by GG yesterday had initials YB in the circle. Not at all explicit, and depends on believers but I felt like he was just trolling BJYX, it may be good naturedly but after his promotional brand picture of shrimp in bunny's hand. I do not know I just felt, dissappointed/bitter/unsure about all of this. I think it is normal to feel this way from time to time even for SZD because along with emotional investment we have rational perspective which is necessary to scrutinize evidence(maybe) from time to time.

I whole heartedly apologize for writing an essay length ask, this is the reason I wanted your patience 😅.

If any other blogger wants to add or comment on this please feel free to do so. Your suggestions are highly welcomed. 🙏

Hello Anon!

I take it that your questions about safety are concerned about the behaviour of c-solos and c-turtles? International fans aren’t likely to put Gg and Dd at any risk. That said, however, frequent fighting among i-fans would likely drain Gg and Dd’s international fanbase, as many fans do not enjoy being a combative atmosphere (I, for one, will run away as quickly as a turtle can run!). Lost i-fans can’t be easily replenished, whether they’re turtles or solos ~ The Untamed, as a foreign language show so beloved that fans are willing to scale tall language and cultural barriers to understand it, isn’t something that comes around often. (stanning Gg and/or Dd does take a lot of work!)

About the arguments. I probably only know about a fraction of them since I do not interact directly with fans outside Tumblr . As far as I can tell, however, recent arguments among c-solos and c-turtles have been ordinary fights, and also, fairly “bi-directional” between the solos (ie. I don’t think Gg or Dd has been relatively exempt from attacks compared to each other). 

These arguments can be heated and some of the attacks may sound vicious, but there’s nothing much to worry about from a safety angle, as they haven’t caught the attention of those outside the fan circles.

The theorising by turtles are also not inherently dangerous. c-turtles have mostly been careful about keeping their discussions among themselves. The only risk it may lead to in the future, that I can think of right now, is the associated YiZhan content on China-based websites (ex. Bilibili, Douyin), which has become fairly plentiful. YiZhan candies used to be relatively obscure given the guidelines of CP fans to keep them among themselves (they call this practice 圈地自萌, literally, drawing a circle on the ground and have fun in it by oneself). These days, however, anyone who’s curious can get a good sense of YiZhan’s story by browsing Bilibili. 

This probably contributes to the continued growth of the turtle population; however, some of this content is created by non-turtles who seek viewership and have little concern over Gg and Dd’s safety. They are the ones who re-upload the BTS, for example, despite the repeated pleas and warnings by the “站姐”s—the superfans who take/purchase these videos—as well as the turtles to not do that. If these content creators go overboard, there’s a possibility that YiZhan content may get caught in the government’s “Eradicating Pornography and Illegal Publications”（掃黃打非) movement. The movement originated in the mid 2000s, and its recent waves have been used as pretext to remove LGBT+ and BL content on line (I will eventually set up a post re: those events). Just last month (2020 Dec), Bilibili has been explicitly named by the government for hosting questionable materials, which means it’s already under scrutiny. Sweeps performed on an entire website are usually broad-based enough that no specific individuals are targeted; however, the government also encourages, with financial incentives, the reporting of specific content and has set up a dedicated website for doing so. While all YiZhan content has no direct relation to Gg and Dd, removal of such content may cause an over-reaction from fans, which can, in turn, lead to accusations of poor fan management by Gg and Dd. Most people will also assume the YiZhan content to be created by turtles.

(Another example of how an alleged turtle mis-step can get the YiZhan fandoms and Gg and Dd tied to the 掃黃打非 movement: a few days ago, a Weibo post showed a photo of a hardcover version of an explicit BJYX fanfic, reportedly sold for profit, and GG haters were calling for an arrest for “illegal publication.” So far, there’s minimal noise on the issue, so it isn’t something to worry about. It can also be fake news, which is so bountiful on the platform and on every aspect of daily life that most die a very peaceful, very well-deserved death.).

Whether fan arguments / theories may affect Gg and Dd’s relationship (assuming they’re in a relationship) … my guess is, not much. Gg and Dd are busy people, unlikely to closely follow their fans’ discussions. Again, I expect effects to be felt only if the arguments get out of hand ~ as in, if they begin to involve the public and/or the government.

As for the question about what is being done to stop Gg being targeted: fan wars are incredibly common in China (as in everywhere else), and Gg and Dd’s aren’t special in that sense ~ it’s just that as turtles, we know about those surrounding Gg and Dd and they feel significant to us. No individuals can stop a fan war ~ all we can do is to not join these wars ourselves.

Personally, I think the international fan base of Gg and Dd, as solos and cpfs, have more chance to achieve peace than its Chinese counterparts — if they choose to want that. Popularity in China is not only quantified (which is likely true everywhere, by marketing departments), but very visibly so. Sales numbers, votes, traffic attributed to each idol are frequently released to the public, possibly to foster competition among fans and drive these numbers further upward. c-turtles’ demonstrated strong performance in pushing these metrics has made them a target to those who wish to have usurp their consumer power. They, therefore, have good reasons to be wary of anyone who try to sway them from their “turtle-ship”, whether to turn them into solos or to lure them into an entirely different fandom. The swaying messages are also not always obvious, not always a direct “your cp suck”.  They can be subtle, many even come from netizens who appear to be fellow turtles, who may say ��oh, maybe we (turtles) are wrong” or “we have to be realistic; Gg and Dd will never look at each other publicly again”—messages that cast doubt and sink morale in a fandom that’s already running an uphill battle. Remember: traditionally, CP fandoms are not expected or welcomed to last, and solos have been happy to (correctly) point out that the BTS, the origin of the most solid “evidences” of BJYXSZD, are getting older by the day. c-turtles can’t expect anyone else to help defend their ship if something happens, given CP fandoms’ lack of respectability, given YiZhan being a real person M/M pairing that is often frowned upon. So it’s understandable, to me at least, why c-turtles are on guard, and occasionally, clash with those who they feel may be trying to take away what they love.

i-turtles, I feel, don’t have that many reasons to fight. We don’t really have other fandoms (for example, the up and coming danmeis—the adapted BL dramas) vying for our attention (and wallets). No one can put an expiration date on the YiZhan communities except ourselves.

Another way to see this is: we—as in, the combined Gg + Dd international fanbase, the solos + CPFs—are lucky in a way the fans in Gg and Dd’s home country are not. Collectively, we’re much further removed from the pressure to perform as fans, which is immense in China with their fan circle culture and fan economy. i-shrimps and i-motorcycles ~ some of you are reading this, I think? (hello!) ~ here are my humble thoughts: the solo/turtle ratio of Gg and Dd’s international fans doesn’t make much of an impact on Gg and Dd’s star status, on the popularity metrics that matter. Our spending power is limited outside China’s borders, and while Gg and Dd likely love us equally as fans, our adoration for them doesn’t really matter much, if at all, to the production/media/commercial companies that control the trajectories of their careers. 

Along this line, the turtles’ “double loyalty” doesn’t have much of an ill effect, because there are few popularity contests here that mean much; few times (if any) when the turtles must face the dilemma of whether to vote for Gg or Dd because only a single vote is allowed; few situations where they have only x amount of dollars and must split it equally between Gg or Dd’s endorsements. There’s also much less cause to worry that i-turtles may draw the attention, or ire of the Chinese government ~ the whole international fanbase is too far away, too spread out to destabilise the regime in any way.

What the turtles do have in common with you, the solos, is their knowledge, their love for Gg/Dd. Knowledge, in particular. The people who know about Gg/Dd are still far and in between—at where I am, at least, and my guess is, it’s likely true for many of you too. Think of the turtles as people who you can talk to about your favourite star in places where few people know about him, can help promote The Untamed  far and wide—many people still haven’t heard of the show, and they deserve to.

For the turtles ~ no one can take away our turtle-ship identity, as long as we don’t give it away. No one can report on the our communities to the government and get them dissolved. Our votes, our spending habits are no one else’s business but ours here.

So, Anon, here’s what I think, and these are all very personal opinions, very personal decisions on how to navigate fandom …

I truly hope that we, as the international fanbase, can try to use this luck that we have. Make our communities not mere copies of their (combative) Chinese counterparts but something different, something with our own flavour, something with more peace and less fighting.

Specifically, I see little cause to try to persuade/dissuade anyone to be a solo/turtle. I find them… not the best use of time. Why? Because frankly, neither solos nor turtles have a better grasp of who Gg and Dd are. Neither solos nor turtles have a truly good grasp of who Gg and Dd are. These discussions are therefore bound to end up with more ill will than conclusions, since both sides are short of facts.

We’re all short of facts as audiences, who’ve all only seen a tiny sliver of who Gg and Dd are as human beings.

I don’t mean Gg and Dd’s star image is fake ~ it’s just that, their star image is their “work face”, and even I, a lowly turtle, must act somewhat differently in my own office. It’s part of being professional.

Gg and Dd’s star image are their professional face, and no professionals worth a salt truly ignore other’s opinions, especially when the profession is being an entertainer whose job is to face and hold the attention of the public. 

This is true for Gg; this is true for Dd.

Social media accounts are also part of Gg and Dd’s professional face ~ whatever is posted on there will be scrutinised by millions of fans, and they know that. The posts do provide some insights about Gg an Dd’s personalities, but they can’t be expected to show a complete picture. No parts of these posts, therefore, whether it’s the content or the kadians, are sufficient evidences for / against any aspect of their personal lives (especially as private an aspect as their romantic lives). Anon, you mentioned promotional marketing materials, and here’s my understanding of them ~ ambassadors such as Gg and Dd have minimal control over their design. The shrimp-holding bunny you’re referring to, for example, is very likely provided by the company.

However, may I also add this? Please try to not think of the shrimps / motorcycles as enemies of the turtles. Millions of people are behind each of these labels, and true for any group of this size, a fraction of its members are bound to be annoying. A small fraction may be awful, even. But they don’t represent the entire group. The shrimps are not only Gg’s fans, many of them have supported him longer than any turtle (since turtle-ship can’t be older than 2018); they’re also the reasons why Gg is in the industry ~ they voted for him in X-Fire. Likewise, a subset of motorcycles have been with Dd since UNIQ; they were there when the Korean ban effectively dissolved his group; they stuck with him when he was attacked for taking on the role of LWJ.

We’re all Gg and Dd’s fans, if you ask people outside the fandom. Remember: few outside China understand why heated arguments can occur between a bunch of shrimps, turtles and motorbikes. (It sounds a bit kafkaesque, just typing it out.)

It’s important not to lose sight too, that Gg and Dd’s social media accounts, where many new candies are found, primarily function as bridges of communication between them and their fans. These accounts do have different degrees of “professionalism” ~ Weibo and the official accounts being more formal, and Oasis, Douyin being more laid back and intimate; still, they all serve similar purposes. They’re not candy generators, or a script Gg and Dd have an obligation to follow to confirm / refute BJYXSZD.

Also: these accounts are accessible and watched by the public, not all of whom are friendly to Gg and Dd.

Re: Gg’s drawing on Oasis. He used the account as it’s intended for—to interact with his fans (the caption of the first draft was an unspoken invitation to shower him with ideas) and maybe, to show off a little (it was a very nice piece of artwork ~ a comment that I, sadly, haven’t seen much of). I doubt he posted his drawing because he wanted fans to carpet-search for traces of Dd in it (even though he probably expected that would happen); I very much doubt he posted his drawing because he wanted his fans to fight over scratch marks or black dots.  

If these fights keep happening, I can imagine a possible outcome. He’ll stop showing us his drawings. His social media accounts will become less and less personal, as they already have.

I’ll share with you my thoughts about candies too, while I’m at it. These are probably not-so-popular opinions, so please take them all with a grain of salt.(Salted caramels? 😊 )

I haven’t looked at why candies are called candies, but I find the name appropriate for how I think of them ~ candies are 1) neither evidences or truth, 2) sweet, 3) treats (non-essential, not like the main course).

The first point is, perhaps, the one I try the hardest to keep in mind. There are posts out there claiming the candies as made-beliefs—generated from edited pictures or videos, exaggerated translations, and their interpretations forced by “guidances” in the annotations/narration. There are also posts claiming that turtles are deceivers, or have been deceived by brainwashers who maliciously created these make-beliefs. A turtle may assume these posts are all lies, all made by antis. 

But, speaking turtle-to-turtle, I’d venture to say this … there’s some truth in the *first* statement. Many candies do, indeed, taste different if their taster returns to the original source—not necessarily unsweet, but less sweet. Candies, remember, are generated by fans like you and I. Same for c-candies ~ they aren’t endorsed by Gg and Dd, aren’t necessarily closer to the truth just because of the relative proximity of their birthplaces to their leads. 

Candy generation is The Tradition of CP fandoms. It’s a celebrated skill, and who doesn’t want to generate a candy that will be talked about, that will be part of the BJYX canon, for as long as the fandom lasts? Some fans are, therefore, also more … efficient in the “marketing” of the candies they generated — in persuading others that their candies are evidences, the truth. “Guidance” photos and videos (which pinpoint the place to watch, sometimes with appropriate sound effects for emphasis) have come about that way, and because they’re easy to digest—especially where language barriers exist—they end up spreading to i-fandoms.

These photos and videos may look more professional / trustworthy, but they often have an additional layer of subjectivity ~ on top of the already subjective opinion of what makes a candy. Translations (of BTS, fake rumours house content etc) also introduce a subjective element. Word choices can significant modify the tone of a conversation; speakers of different Chinese dialects may also have different interpretations of the same phrases. Example: I, as a non Chongqing/Sichuanese speaker, can guess the literal meaning of the “puppy” term Gg used for Dd — 狗崽崽 (gou zai zai) — but I also had to rely on others to tell me how endearing the term is; me being a Chinese speaker actually doesn’t make my interpretation any more valid, or authoritative, in this scenario, because my dialect doesn’t use this term at all. 

It doesn’t mean the people who’ve put in the work have any less-than-good intent; the vast majority of them come from a place of deep love. It’s just that we all carry our own perspectives, and as fans, our strong emotions in our fanworks.

This is why candies are often insufficient as good “points” for arguments, why they fail to convince non-believers, sometimes to the disappointment of some turtles. As evidences, they aren’t objective enough; they’re also often touch upon the assumption that’s mark the fundamental difference between solo and cp fans — the assumption that Gg and Dd are (not) together. Take, for example, this segment from a (polite) ask I got from an anon solo:

All the matching clothes, jewelry, shoes etc. Stopped being valid candy when I realized that the brands have popular stars "endorse" their products. The lightning pendant? Other actors have also worn it. Does that mean they are in a 3-way with (Gg) and (Dd)? Probs not.

Solo anon was correct! Brands have star endorsers, and other entertainers have, indeed, worn the same lightning pendant. The implied argument is also valid: people who don’t care about, don’t even know about each other can wear the same things. Most of us do that on a daily basis with our mass-produced garments.

However, a counterargument can also be made to the statement above, and easily: even the most precious, most beautiful wedding rings (say, from Tiffany!) are not exclusive to the first RL couple who bought them. It doesn’t mean the first RL couple is sleeping with all the couples who bought the same rings afterwards, doesn’t mean those rings aren’t significant to every one of these couples as romantic mementos. More often than not, couples wear matching things not because these things are exclusive to them—because how often can one find things that only exist as a single pair in this world? They wear matching things because they want to see something on themselves that remind them of their significant other and so, as long as the things aren’t so prevalent that everyone is wearing them, they can already serve their purpose.

But you see, Anon, that arguing over this would’ve been a waste of time? Because the solo came in with the assumption that Gg and Dd were not a couple, and the counterargument was made with the assumption that they were. The pendants alone are insufficient to prove either side correct or wrong. No one knows why those pendants ended up on Gg and Dd’s necks, except Gg and Dd and their teams. If I were to argue with anon solo, we can go on and on and on until we’re both left with bitter tastes in our mouths and WWX-red in our eyes, and forget the one thing that really matters: we’re both Gg’s fans.

(We could’ve spent the time talking about how that scene in The Wolf with Ji Chong throwing Zai Xing in the water is ❤️.) (I can’t believe the script waited 30+ episodes to do it. 😂)

This leads to my second point, Anon. Candies are meant to be sweet, and they’re meant to be sweet for you. In Chinese, a term for an expert candy person is a 嗑學家 (the candy-eating in CP fandoms is called 嗑糖 (ketang) ～ with 嗑 ke denoting a specific form of eating that requires breaking something open first with teeth—such as watermelon seeds; a 嗑學家 is a 嗑 (ke)-ologist). A 嗑學家 isn’t someone who can recall the longest list of candies, or spread the most candies around, or convince the most people that the CP behind the candies is real; they are those who can find their own candies in a source material, and be overjoyed by the sweetness of their discoveries without outside help. To me, at least, this term encapsulates the subjective nature of candies ~ what’s right for you may not be right for me and vice versa, and that’s perfectly all right. In other words, there are many candies out there but you’re not required to believe in all of them; instead, you’re free to choose candies to your own liking, compose your own version of the BJYX canon that you love, that you find sweet.

Wait, but you may say. Doesn’t that make my canon fantasy? Yes and no, because candies are based on real events. They’re interpretations, which sit somewhere between reality and fantasy. They’re like … opinion shows on news channels.

But what if I need to convince people of my canon —

Your “opposition”’s canon is as fantastical, and as real as yours — maybe it isn’t, but neither of you have a way to prove it one way or another.

Wouldn’t solos call me delulu, or clowns?

Maybe. But one step outside the fandom, and all of us fans—solo and cpfs—are delulu, clowns.

(That’s why while I’ve used the cpn label, I haven’t called myself delulu, or a clown. Anyone who thinks I have the truth about the love story about a pair of idol I haven’t met from thousands of miles away … the joke’s probably on them, don’t you think?)

Of course and again, Anon, this is only my take! I like candies precisely because I like to watch the real-time generation of candies, which ones different people claim as their own, which candies fall away and which stick around in the fandom over time. As a fic writer, this ship has gifted me with a treasure trove of information ~ what do people think of as romantic gestures, as give-away signs of love? The fun/amazing part of BJYX is that candies are available for so many different answers to these questions. Some people think of longing gazes and sweet smiles; some think of touches that can’t be helped (the many, many, many “fights”); some think of service (buying foods, designing clothes); some think of caring about the other’s well-being (throat candies and dumplings + noodles + crackers); some think of being The Other’s One and Only Exception (Dd being so talkative around Gg, Gg being so … fussy around Dd); some think of expressions through the arts (songs, drawings, dances); some think of grand gestures (the wave heart in the ocean); some think of matching clothes and symbolic accessories (rings); some think of birthdays and anniversaries (314, 622, the first snow); some think of sharing life’s hassles and small tidbits (fake rumour house); some think of … just looking VERY good together. Etc etc.

Some think of a subset of these, some think of all of these…

(Personally, I’m a very picky candy eater. I know about many of them, but only a small fraction impresses on me.)

(Still, I love watching candies. I love watching the joy of people sweetened by them ~ or, when c-turtles exclaim kswl! — the short form of ke si wo le! 嗑死我了! I “ke”ed so much I’m dying!)

This gets to 3), Anon, and I apologise to you too, for answering your not-essay-at-all with an essay! Candies are, to me, treats, and I don’t expect them to come at any frequencies higher than treats do. The reason isn’t because I don’t like candies ~ I enjoy watching them, as I said, even if I don’t eat many of them; the reason is because I don’t expect anyone’s romantic love to leave a trace in everything they do. For example, if I truly find myself in a SZD/SJD discussion re: Gg’s drawing, I’d say the lack of Dd in Gg’s self-portrait doesn’t really mean much. Even if Gg and Dd were head-over-heels in love with one another, Gg doesn’t have to put Dd in everything he touches. Likewise, Dd doesn’t have to present a consistent, or decipherable story with his kadians. This is true for the real-life couples around us too, isn’t it? They don’t perform every single act in life leaving a noticeable trace of their significant other. And the misunderstanding that couples do that — that their romantic lives take over who they are as individuals — IMO, partially explains why people who choose to not to date or marry, people who’re aro-aces, often have a difficult time convincing others that they’re complete humans. Romantic love is, of course, very, very important and can be life altering, but it also isn’t everything about a person ~ especially not if a person who has a career as exciting as Gg’s and Dd’s. Gg and Dd who also have friends, family, (many) talents and interests …

(And lots of ugly icons on their cell phones. Yes, I’m talking about you, Gg. That long-armed Pepe from your 2018 snowless Beijing post will give me nightmares…)

[ellesliterarycorner]

Battling Self Doubt

Honestly, y’all, I’ve been battling waves of self doubt lately. Like I mentioned on my story, I’ve been struggling with my WIP lately, and sometimes it’s really hard seeing everyone talk about their WIPs and characters because all I can think about is mine not being as good as everyone else’s. I always tell myself not to compare myself to other people, but I still do anyways. (I’m quite bad at taking directions) I’m pretty sure everyone compares themselves to other people even when they know that never helps anything.. Self doubt is something that everyone wether they’re a writer or not faces. So, here are a few things that help me out!

Reminding Myself I’m Human!

I think sometimes we all have such high expectations for ourselves. Expectations that might be a little inhuman. Pushing myself to be perfect and to make my writing perfect is never gonna work because I’m human. We’re all human. Making mistakes is kind of what we do. Taking a step back from everything and reminding myself that I’m human reminds me that I’m allowed to make mistakes. And, it’s perfectly okay to make mistakes! Our society has idolized perfection, but perfection shouldn’t be this super idolized thing that everyone strives to achieve. Allowing yourself to have room to make mistakes is actually the best way to grow. As though as it is to hear, I’m often grateful for some of the mistakes we make because I wouldn’t learn or grow. One way I do this is instead of saying, “I completely failed at this” I’ve started saying, “I may not have achieved my goal, but I learned how to do this!” It’s helped me have a growth mindset and be a lot kinder to myself no matter the outcome of our actions. 

Giving Myself Validation!

Sometime you just need to validate yourself! Personally, if I’m doubting my abilities or myself, I’ll just start listing everything I think is awesome about myself or nice things people have said about me or my work. It might seem vain, but honestly, I think everyone is so focused on being humble that we don’t give ourselves enough credit. Sometime you have to just look yourself in the mirror and be like, “I’m hot. I’m hilarious. I’m super smart. People love my writing. I’m strong, etc.” It might seem super narcissistic or arrogant, but I promise you it helps. A lot of the time, we’re our own harshest critic, so looking yourself in the eye and giving yourself some much needed validation is all you need! Also writing those little things down on a post-it-note or something and putting it on your mirror, or in your car, or in your lunchbox, or anywhere is also a great idea! Especially when you forget you put one there and you open it up on the days when you needed it most!

Surrounding Myself With Supportive People

I am the biggest proponent of cutting toxic people out of your life. If someone is holding you back or manipulating you or doubting you, then you don’t need to be around them. Being surrounded by people who constantly doubt your abilities can fuel your self-doubt. Having supportive people in your life, really can change things for the better. Self-validation is great, but sometimes it’s even better to hear it from someone else! I’m honestly not afraid to ask some of my really good friends, “hey, I’m feeling kind of down, can you give me a compliment or tell me something you like about me.” Hearing them talk about why you’re their friend and why they like you can really make everything all better. Supportive people also what to do to make you feel validated and help you quell any self-doubt. My best friend made me a little jar filled with slips of paper that had little compliments and words of encouragements on them. And they’re color coded! Orange is writing, and purple is school, and I don’t remember the rest. The point it that little jar is probably my favorite thing that I won. I would even recommend making one for yourself. I’m so grateful that I can surround myself with people who can remind me of all the goods things about me when I’m just not feeling it.

Writing It All Down

Journaling has always been a very therapeutic and tranquilizing experience for me, but for me, sometimes the quickest way to cure a bout of imposter syndrome is by writing it down. I’m a very visual person, and writing down my thoughts and getting them out of my brain helps me realize that sometimes I’m being way too hard on myself. Everything can feel like a giant pressure cooker in your head, but when I write it down, sometimes I realize that I’m being a little ridiculous. I am in no way invalidating imposter syndrome because it can be very serious, but when I’m feeling it bad, I just have to write it down and laugh at myself. Like I said earlier, I have such high standards for myself that when I write them down and actually read them I realize that I’m being far too hard on myself!

I really hope these tips helped someone out! If you ever need to talk, I’m always here! 

[dinoyoongi]

Confirm or Deny (6) - Final

SYNOPSIS: You’re a member of the rising group FRNZEE. You’ve been dating Namjoon for years when Dispatch releases an article exposing your relationship. Your company confirms the relationship. Big Hit denies it.

PARTS: ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR | FIVE | SIX - FINAL

PAIRING: Namjoon x Reader

GENRE: Romance, Angst

WARNINGS: Language, brief mentions of sexual situations

WORD COUNT: 5.1k

AUTHORS NOTE: The ending is here! Thank you so much to everyone who has loved and supported this story! I’m sorry that it took so long to get the ending written but I hope it’s as satisfying for you to read as it was to write! I know a few might be disappointed with it - that’s understandable - I did rewrite this chapter several times and cut out a lot that I had originally planned but ultimately I think I wrote an ending fit for me, Joonie and Sweets. <3

__________________________________

“Y/N?”  Your chin snaps up at the sound of your name, eyes wide at the polite, smiling face of the young receptionist at the desk in front of the room.  “The director will be ready shortly. He apologizes for the delay and appreciates your patience.”

Exhaling in relief, you bow in understanding, returning her courteous grin quickly before turning your eyes down to the screen in your lap. On your phone, Tom Hanks strides to the stage to the applause of the audience, the camera panning to different nominees in this final, ultimate category. The quick shot of BTS – of Namjoon's nervous but elated grin – makes your heart knock against your chest hard. Tom Hanks prattles for a few seconds about the achievements of the nominees before he's handed a golden envelope.

“And the Grammy for record of the year goes to … BTS!”

You don't realize you're holding your breath until you're on your feet and screaming, lightheaded and breathless from the lack of oxygen. Hand slapping over your mouth to silence your hysteria, you ignore the concerned calls from the receptionist and shakily lower yourself back onto your seat. Though seconds have passed, the group hasn't found their way onto the stage. Instead, they remain in the audience, huddled in the tightest of hug. Not a single one of them has a dry face.

You included.

They did it. Holy shit. They won a Grammy – the biggest Grammy of the night. This would make it their second after picking up the award for best group earlier in the morning. But record of the year … it's the award.  And they did it. Namjoon did it.

There's a gentle tapping on your shoulder. When you glance up, you can barely make out the blurred silhouette of the receptionist through the haze of your tears.

“Are you okay? Do I need to call anyone for you?”

“N-no, I'm fine, I-I just-” you stop yourself, eyes falling down to the phone screen. She follows your gaze, mouth opening in understanding when she sees the seven of them on the stage. Her shock is quickly replaced with a warm smile. “I'll be quieter. Sorry.”

She giggles. “Don't worry about it. If you need tissues or anything, come see me at my desk, okay?”

Unable to suppress the elation, you grin as you nod, pushing the pods further into your ear and jamming the volume up button on your phone as loud as it would allow. Namjoon is already speaking and the sound of his voice immediately conjures the waterworks again. He stutters over a few pronunciations and has to pause every so often to wipe his tears, but his speech is beautiful and poignant. The words are straight from his heart, straying from any kind of notes or script that the group might have drafted on the chance that they'd actually win.  

“Of course, we love and appreciate our fans – our ARMY – dearly. But we also want to thank everyone behind the scenes – our loved ones who we might have neglected and hurt in our path to get where we are. We hope that you're proud of us and that you'll stay … sweetly … by our side.”

The sobs come easily. Instantly.

Sweetly. He's talking directly to you – his Sweets.

You watch with loud sniffles until their speech is done, until they're carrying themselves off of the stage, until the last musical guest that you honestly couldn't name begins to perform. Your finger pushes at the power button on the side of your phone and when the screen fades to black, the reflection that stares back at you is a haggard mess. Grabbing a few tissues from the nice receptionist and cleaning yourself up before the most important meeting of your life is probably the best idea. But you can't seem to move.

Walking into this building a few minutes ago, you were sure of what you wanted – a fresh start, a new path, all slates wiped clean. Joining P NATION would do that for you. And this was everything that you wanted. It's everything that you've worked for.

But maybe … maybe you want Namjoon just a little bit more. You don't even know if a future with him is something that's feasible, or if it's something that he still wants. What if Big Hit refuses to let the two of you be together? What if P NATION refuses to let you date at all?

Once again you're faced with the possibility that you might have to choose the two things you want most in your entire life – your idol career or Namjoon.

You finally pry your hard stare from the phone. Looking up, there are two doors on either side of the room. One door – the door that you entered in – leads to the lobby, to the exit. The other door leads to the conference room where you'll be meeting with the directors of P NATION.

Your stomach twists, your throat suddenly tightening with the urge to vomit.

“Here,” the receptionist's voice cuts through your anxiety. She pushes a wad of tissues in your direction. When you don't move to accept them, she clicks her tongue in amusement and plops down into the chair next to yours. You're startled when she reaches out with the tissue to dab at your face gently, using the slightest pressure as to not totally destroy your makeup. “You look conflicted. It's not usually something I see from potential trainees … or in your case, idol, I guess? Most if not all of them are excited and confident and anxious to sign a contract. You … you look like you're going to toss your cookies all over the carpet. No offense.”

Despite your inner turmoil, you feel yourself cracking a smile. “None taken.”

“What your company did to you was disgusting,” she says casually, leaning over your lap to toss the tissue in a garbage bin. You blink at her in surprise. Not many people are bold enough to bring the incident – or incidents, because there were quite a few – with Hot Star to your face. “I grew up in the states so the extreme response to a dating report here just baffles me. Seriously. In the west, we want our favorite celebrities to date and be happy and healthy. We actually ship celebrities together. I remember growing up being totally in love with Freddie Prinze Jr – you don't know who that is, do you? She's All That? Scooby-Doo? None of this rings a bell? Okay, it doesn't matter, anyway – he started dating a co-star from one of his movies and I was their biggest cheerleader because I could see how happy he was. And you know what? Those two actors are still married to this day and I'm still rooting for them.”

Her rant is punctuated with a triumphant crossing of her arms as she leans back into her seat. You're confused as you gape at her. What is it that she's trying to tell you? If Hot Star and Big Hit hadn't intervened and the fans hadn't been so crazy, you and Namjoon would have a successful marriage?

She chuckles when she sees your confused expression. “Sorry, I know I'm a bit extra sometimes. My point that I have failed to get to is that … Hot Star has serious karma coming their way. I think you have the potential to do amazing things with your career. And I know from the look on your face that you're two seconds away from bolting but why don't you stick around and at least hear what they have to say?”

Her palm rises to your line of vision, a compact mirror and lip tint sat on top in a peace offering. It only takes you a few long seconds to reach out, hesitantly accepting the items with a gracious bow of your head. You're given one last encouraging grin before she stands up, bows and retreats back to the desk at the front of the room. Lowering the cosmetics into your lap, you exhale a shaky breath and pick up your phone. Though you had deleted his contact from your phone, there was no way that you didn't remember the number by heart.

You let the words flow into your fingertips, jerking your thumb to the send button before you can talk yourself out of it.

“Y/N,” the receptionist calls for you. Her eyes meet yours. “They're ready for you.”

__________________________________

“Holy shit, holy shit,” Jungkook is chanting breathlessly to himself as he grasps Namjoon's arm for support, the group shuffling quickly into the backstage area. The leader wobbles, his legs feeling as if they're made of jelly; all of his limbs feel as if they're suddenly jelly. The only part of him with substantial weight is the shiny, gold gramophone statue clutched tightly in his right hand. There's chaos as they step into the dressing room – managers, stylists and various staff shouting victoriously, some of their faces drenched with happy tears.

After all this time … they did it. The Grammys were something that all k-pop stars only fantasized about and BTS  - Namjoon and his brothers – now hold two of them.

It's a feeling that Namjoon can't comprehend. It's a feeling that's too overwhelming for his body. He wants to do everything; wants to cry, he wants to scream, he wants to hug every single person in the room, he wants to tell everybody he knows. He wants …

Oh. His chest dives when your face appears in the back of his mind. This is usually when you're calling him to congratulate him, to tell him how proud you are, to remind him how hard he worked for it, to promise him a more intimate celebration when you get to spend more time together.

From the wild thumping of his heart, it's easy to decide what he wants to do the most.

Ignoring the craziness of the room, Namjoon drops onto the couch. The award is yanked out of his grasp but he lets it go, reaching instead into the pile of cellular devices left on the coffee table to collect his own phone. Booting it up, he's not surprised to see his inbox already flooded with congratulatory messages and voicemails.

However, it's your message that sits right at the very top – two minutes ago – that surprises him the most.

Congratulations, Joonie. I am so proud of you. And when you want me, I'll always be by your side.

He reads the words again. And again. And again. Over and over until the dark font transforms into a blurred silhouette from his tears. One of the members – he can't distinguish who at this point – yanks his limp body into a hug, assuming that their leader is emotional from the fact that they just made history.

That's what he should be emotional about.

But all he can think about is you.

You, who had been with him since he joined Big Hit, who trained with him and grew with him. You, who supported him more than any person on this planet. You, who swore with your entire life that BTS would win Grammys. You knew it was going to happen and he wanted to prove you right.

How can he feel victorious when you're not with him?

Rising to his feet abruptly, Namjoon seeks out his manager. Upon seeing the fierce determination in his gaze, the main wrangler of the seven idols feels his cheerful grin drop. Jerking his head into the direction of the hallway, Namjoon has made up his mind.

The company will be furious; they'll fight it as much as they can. The fans will be devastated and betrayed, some might even boycott. The boys – though they'll support him no matter what – will be understandably concerned. This is a decision that effects everybody and the only person Namjoon cares about, the only person who can make the decision … is you.

__________________________________

“How does everything look?” Mr. Park, also known as freaking Psy, asks politely, leaning in your direction from across the table. Your eyes quickly skim the first few pages of the document again. You're not familiar with a lot of the legal terms and you'd be lying if you didn't admit that there were parts of the contract that sounded slightly confusing. But for the most part – from your experience with your past contracts and your knowledge of the industry – the agreement is great. Way better than anything you ever imagined prior to walking into the building today. “Is there anything you'd like to edit? Any clauses you'd like to negotiate?”

You clear your throat, wishing your nerves would give you a break. “It all looks great, honestly. I'm really thankful for this opportunity.”

Psy frowns. “I sense a but coming.”

“No, no” you assure him with a shaky chuckle. “I'm definitely signing. I'd be crazy not to. This is such a great contract, more than someone like me could have ever hoped for after … you know, all things considered. I just … I do want to request one clause be added.”

Every pair of shoulders at the table straightens up, pens being pressed to paper and fingers set atop of their laptop keyboards at the ready.

“This might sound silly coming from me and it might be a rookie mistake to request this at the contract signing but … I want to be able to date. I want to be given the chance to have a normal, healthy relationship whether it be private or public – and I want to be the one that chooses which. When there's news about me dating, I want you to ask me first and I want you to have my back, to publish what I say and not what you think will get more attention with the media. And you can refuse, you can even add a clause that says I'm not allowed to date but to be honest, even if you tell me no, I'm still going to do it. You can rip up the papers right now if that's what you want to do. I just want to be transparent with you. I've given up so much and I don't want to give up anything more. That's the decision I made for myself before I came through these doors.”

The speech is long and you're winded when you finish, leaning back against the chair with what you hope is a quiet exhale. At the end of the table, there's a light giggling. Before you sat down, you were fully under the impression that you'd be meeting with Hyuna because it was her name on the business card that was handed to you. You knew there would be other people involved but you didn't expect it to be Psy and his entire legal team. For the majority of the meeting, Hyuna stayed silent at her end of the table, only nodding or laughing or frowning when appropriate. She offered you nothing except for polite smiles when your gazes accidentally crossed paths. Admittedly, you were confused about her role in your signing but just having her there – someone who was in your exact shoes but had the guts to actually stand up for her relationship – made a world of difference in how comfortable and confident you were speaking right now.

“I told you,” Hyuna chuckles, pursing her lips cockily and throwing a sly head tilt to Psy. Your nerves intensify as you snap your neck to the man who nods in agreement. “I told you that you should have just added that clause to save some time.”

And just like that, your mic drop moment is gone. You feel yourself trembling as you lower your eyes to the table. They knew you were going to ask for it. They were going to add a clause so that you wouldn't ask for it.

“When you say that you want to be in a relationship, do you mean that you want to be in a relationship with Kim Namjoon of BTS?” Hyuna asks curiously, fingers twirling a pen as if this this meeting wasn't about to be the cause of your impending heart-attack. Namjoon's name being spoken only adds to your panic.

“Does it make a difference if I say yes?” you stutter, your voice small.

“You said you want to be transparent with us. Don't back down now,” she warns. The sound of her pen dropping to the table is like an foghorn directly into your ear canal.

“Okay, yes. I want to be in a relationship with Namjoon,” you admit. Maybe you're just searching for any sign of discomfort in the room but you swear that you hear the hiss of someone taking in a breath. You continue anyway. “I'm not saying concretely that I will be. It's … complicated between us. But I love him more than anything else and if the chance to be with him again presents itself then … yes, I'm going to take it.”

“Okay then,” Psy says, his eyes flitting to a few of the men sat next to him at the table. “Get to work. She can date whoever she wants, whenever she wants and we must consult with her about her personal matters before submitting any statements to the press. Y/N, anything else to add?”

Wait, what?

“Y-you're still signing me? You're … adding the clause?” you ask in disbelief.

Psy's grin is wide as he smiles. “Of course we are. We're signing you because we want your talent, not your freedom.”

“I didn't even have to convince him,” Hyuna chirps. Your eyes are wide and watery as you gape at her with awe. “He was on board the second that I mentioned your name. What has happened to you in your career is … disgraceful. Being kicked out of Big Hit simply for being a woman, being kicked out of Hot Star because your company choose to capitalize on your relationship instead of supporting you. I know you probably think that he's just scooping up jaded k-pop stars but we're not interested in you because we pity your unfortunate background. We're interested because we're in awe of how you keep going. You were at the top of the food chain of trainees at Big Hit and when you were transferred, you had to start all over again and you did it. You debuted. And when this industry kicked you back down to square one, instead of giving up on being an idol like most others would, you took my card and called us to willingly – once again – be the lowest totem on the pole. You've got the whole package – talent, looks and perseverance. You're going places farther than any of those girls in FRNZEE could even fathom and we want to be the ones that help you get there.”

You don't realize that you're out of your seat, that you're stumbling your way in Hyuna's direction until she's in front of you and you're swinging your arms around her neck. She's startled, emitting a soft oomph as she fumbles backward but instead of pushing you away, she pats your shoulder comfortingly.

“Thank you,” you sob into chest. “Thank you so much. You have no idea. I-I just … I don't-”

Gently, she pushes you away, her hand firm on your shoulders as she bends down to meet your eyes directly. With her other hand, she uses her thumb to wipe away what you know are disgustingly hideous mascara tracks. Her smile is blinding as she grins at you encouragingly.

“Welcome to the family, Y/N,” she says warmly. Those words send a trill of warmth down your spine. “Even though it was my suggestion, who you really need to be thanking is our CEO. I have a big mouth and I use it often but he's the one who ultimately makes the decisions.”

You nod, turning to approach Psy. Unlike with Hyuna, you reign in your raging emotions, opting to bow respectfully instead of launching yourself at him. “Thank you, sir. I promise that I'm not going to let you down.”

Rounding back to your side of the table, there's no hesitance when you pick up the pen to sign your name and stamp your seal. The group waits until your pen has been placed back onto the table before they're on their feet and cheering. Their applause for simply signing with you is more encouraging than all of your positive interactions you've ever had with the Hot Star CEO combined. Psy has the super sweet receptionist – who winks in congratulations before she leaves the room – bring in a bottle of champagne and Hyuna insists on snapping a photograph of you with your contract for your future trophy case in their talent room.

You've been in this room for an hour. One hour and it feels as if you've been handed this entire new world wrapped with a shiny promise of a great future.

There's only one thing missing.

__________________________________

ONE MONTH LATER

BREAKING: Y/N officially signs with P NATION!

Months after leaving FRNZEE and Hot Star Entertainment following the dating scandal that led to her being verbally and physically attacked by BTS fans, P NATION – the entertainment company that was founded by former YG artist Psy in 2019 – has announced on social media today that they've officially signed with Y/N! Y/N was ostracized in the k-pop industry after rumors of her dating BTS leader RM were confirmed by Hot Star but denied by Big Hit. Due to backlash, Y/N was ultimately pulled from the group's comeback. The controversy also saw BTS fans attacking the then-FRNZEE vocalist in the KBS parking lot during a Music Bank recording.

We can't wait to see what kind of music Y/N will be releasing under this new label. Stay tuned for more updates!

You roll your eyes, clicking off of the article and back to the influx of incoming messages. It was too much to hope for a quick “congratulations!” article, wasn't it? Scrolling through the messages, you feel slightly overwhelmed but in a good way.

Ji-na: I feel cool because I already knew but still CONGRATS AGAIN BABE! Happy for you!!

You're giggling as you type back a response to her and a few other people before clicking the phone off and setting it down to charge. Your eyes take a long moment to adjust to the dimness of the room compared to the bright lights of your phone screen. Today has been a whirlwind of messages and phone calls and more messages and more phone calls. You just need a break from all devices.

“Y/N?” a voice from the kitchen calls. You heave yourself onto your feet, padding a few steps over to the counter that separates the kitchen from the living room. Per your contract with P NATION, instead of sticking you in a dorm, you're now living in an apartment building owned by somebody who works for the company. Your building neighbors include Hyuna and Hyojong who actually live on your floor and Jessi who lives a few up. It wasn't super spacious but it was cozy and private and yours. You sigh in exhaustion as you slump onto one of the stools. “Do you want mozzarella on your pasta?”

Elbows resting on the table, your chin propped onto your palms, you nod sleepily, letting your eyes flutter closed. “A lot of it, please.”

You giggle when you feel something press against your lips. Opening your eyes, you're not surprised to see Namjoon mirroring your posture, his lips on yours. He kisses you sweetly for another few seconds before pulling away. “You've had a long day. How are you feeling?”

“Tired. Happy. Content. Hungry,” you say pointedly, grinning when his dimples dip from his laughter. “I'm so glad that you're here with me right now.”

“Me too, Sweets,” he says softly, sliding his hand across the table. You remove one from under your chin and meet him halfway, interlocking your fingers immediately. Like always, your heart pummels against your ribcage. It appears that Namjoon is always going to fluster you and you wouldn't have it any other way.

Considering the scale of dramatic that was yours and Namjoon's breakup, you would've thought there would have been some epic reunion consisting of hours of conversation and arguments and agreements that would lead to the reigniting of your relationship but … there wasn't. When he got off of the plane after returning from America, the first place that he went to was yours. In Daejeon. You had been in Seoul for meetings the entire day and because of what happened, your mother wouldn't let him in the house. He waited hours on the porch for you to return – after he had just gotten off a thirteen hour flight – and when you finally walked up that sidewalk to see him dozing on the uncomfortable, rickety wicker chair …. you just knew.

There didn't have to be a spectacular speech or declaration of love – you already knew you loved him and that you wanted to be with him again.

So here you were. Together.

Together – the word makes your chest clench in relief.

You eat your pasta takeout at the kitchen counter, taking turns feeding the different noodles to each other between catch-up conversation. You tell Namjoon about the concept meeting that you had earlier in the day, the meeting that would decide in what direction you want your sound to go. He tells you about the amount of celebrities – specifically ones that have stuck their noses up at the boys in the past – that are flooding Big Hit with collaboration requests following the Grammys. And when you finish up with dinner, you both retire onto the sofa. Namjoon loads Netflix and turns on a random documentary although you both know damn well that you'll only watch it for maybe twenty minutes before your restless hands and yearning lips find another way to keep each other occupied.

Tonight, though, you're surprised when he whips his phone out in front of your face. “We don't have any recent pictures together. Let's take a selfie.”

Your hair is in a messy bun and your face is bare but who are you to deny him anything?

Leaning in, Namjoon presses his lips against your cheek. You smile bashfully, assuming the picture will turn out incredibly sweet, until he uses his free hand to squeeze your cheeks together. Before you can protest, the blinding flash of the camera captures the moment. You massage the skin that was pinched when he releases you, muttering grumpily as he coos over how adorable he thinks the picture is.

“This one will be perfect,” he mumbles to himself before his fingers start moving across the screen keyboard.

You squint in confusion. “Perfect for what?”

He pretends to not hear you but you get your answer only two minutes later. The pings and beeps and notifications on your phone begin to chime rampantly again.

Ji-na: OMG NAMJOON IS TOO CUTE. YOU GUYS ARE TOO CUTE.

Your eyes narrow suspiciously at your boyfriend who lounges next to you, phone in one hand while the other kneads a spot on your ankle where it rests on his lap. “Why does Ji-na think you're too cute? What did you do?”

Namjoon chuckles incredulously. “Wow, that didn't take long at all.”

“What are you talking about?”

Instead of answering, he presents you with his phone that's loaded to his Weverse account. There's one post from Namjoon, added two minutes ago. The goofy selfie of the two of you with the caption: I've been an idiot – she has always been my Sweets. Congrats, babe.

“Namjoon!” you shriek in alarm, shooting up into a sitting position. “Have you completely lost your mind?”

You gawk at the man as he chuckles calmly, pulling himself off of the sofa as well. Why would he do that? And how can he be so calm? Doesn't he realize that he posted it? Doesn't he realize what he just did?

“I … Joonie, I don't understand. Help me understand. Why did you do that?”

He takes your hand in his, pushing the pad of his fingers into your skin soothingly. “I told myself that if I was lucky enough to be with you again, things would be different. I wasn't going to make the same mistakes I did last time. I don't want us to hide. I don't want us to be a secret. I know that there's going to be backlash from this – especially because of my reaction last time – but I just want to be with you, okay? Is that okay?”

Is it hot in here? You feel like you're melting.

“Joonie, of course it's okay. There aren't going to be any label issues on my end and of course I want nothing more than to be public with you – it's what I've always wanted – but … have you cleared this with Big Hit? With the boys? What's going to happen now?”

He gives you his wide, closed-mouth smile, the one that makes his dimples deep. “What's going to happen is that we're going to be happy. Together. I'm going to own up to my mistakes and take responsibility for not fighting for us the first time around. I'm going to endure the backlash with the boys at my side and … we're going to be Joonie and Sweets no matter what anyone has to say about it. Okay?”

You nod, biting your lip to stop the sudden onslaught of tears. Joonie and Sweets. It's all you've ever wanted.

He sighs. “I know this is going to get us both in a bit of hot water but I'm done hiding.”

Crawling closer to him, you snuggle into his side, sighing in contentedness when his arm wraps around your shoulder and pulls you closer.

“I'm okay, Joonie. I can take whatever is thrown at us but I just have to confirm one thing for whenever my manager eventually calls,” you tell him. His eyebrow lifts questioningly. “We're both in the relationship this time, right?”

He rolls his eyes once before lunging at you, fingers digging into your sides in merciless tickles.

 - T H E   E N D - 

[goldenkamuyhunting]

Wilk and Grisha Yeager from Attack on Titan had the same goal: to liberate their races from oppressive regimes. But their parenting styles were radically different. Zeke resented Grisha because Grisha raised him not as a child but as the prince and future savior of Eldia since his birth. Asirpa, on the other hand, remembers Wilk fondly and shows no signs of being raised as a tool and weapon. Why did Noda portray Wilk differently from Grisha as a father and a freedom fighter?

Well...

I’m not really a fan of “Attack on Titan”. I recently tried watching the first series and I loved the animation (I so wish GK could benefit of such an amazing animation!) but, for some reasons, it still didn’t really intrigue me that much even if I could see it was a well constructed story with lot of interesting characters so I ended up stopping there.

Maybe I should give it a second chance when work isn’t draining me.

Anyway, back to your question I can’t really compare Wilk’s raising methods to Grisha‘s because I didn’t manage to see Grisha’s methods yet... but still the answer to your question is pretty simple.

They do things differently because they’re different people/characters written by different authors for different purposes.

Not all the fathers and not all the freedom fighters are the same so it’s not like Noda and Isayama HAD to forcefully represent them as the same. Sure, sometimes in stories authors chose to go for the same tropes, so you meet father figures who act the same but this is not a given. You can also have authors who chose to defy those tropes in favour of different portraials.

Even if we consider GK, who has two fathers who’re also 2 freedom fighters we see how Kiro and Wilk raise their children differently.

Wilk views Asirpa as a future leader of the Ainu and seems to count on her to reach his goal where Kiro wants to be the one who’ll reach his goal for his children.

Wilk started to train Asirpa when she was really young... while Kiro left his children safely at home and didn’t involve them in the gold hunt.

Even in the way in which Kiro and Wilk handle Asirpa they’re different.

Neither of them taught her to kill or encouraged her to do so but Wilk, in chap 137, entrusted her with the task of murdering a bear when she was really small (even though, truth to be told, he was there to cover her back)...

...while Kiro, when they were facing a bear in chap 68, told her to stand back.

Kiro wanted Asirpa to be educated on the minorities outside Japan and to learn about the risks all the minorities were facing as well, where Wilk preferred her to learn about Ainu culture and go to a Japanese school.

This reflects the fact they’ve different views on how to raise children and on how to introduce them to their cause.

They’re not the only ones who, despite being fathers in similar situations, act differently.

Thinks to Ueji’s father and Koito’s father.

Both had a right to be disappointed in their children as they were performing poorly at school but Ueji’s father insisted he was disappointed with him and, officially, gave his dog away so as to force him to focus on his studies where Koito senior instead first let Koito be (probably also due to him suffering depression due to his son’s death) continuing to spoil him without scolding him and then acted supportive when Koito decided to switch from the navy to the army (even though navy and army had poor relations ans this could be a problem for him).

And then we’ve Hanazawa who pressured his son into becoming an idol for the army.

Fathers, and even more characters, come in any flavours in Golden Kamuy. They don’t have to be all the same or follow the same rules because their goals are similar.

So, back to Wilk, I think he loved Asirpa and put value in showing his daughter that love. Maybe he was a loved child, so he learnt to pour love to children from his parents, maybe it was Riratte who influenced him by giving him love.

It’s also clear Wilk wanted Asirpa to be involved in his cause... but I think he also wanted it to be her own choice, not something he forced upon her because there’s nothing that makes you more devoted to a cause that the fact YOU decided for yourself that’s what you want to pursue.

So he gave her an aducation of which she would benefit once she were to decide to become a partisan... but didn’t introduce her to partisans, didn’t pressure her to hate Japanese or educate her to murder people.

Ultimately what Asirpa will do with her knowledge is Asirpa’s choice.

Truth to be told though, Wilk seemed so enamoured with his ideals it could be he believed Asirpa’s choice would come naturally and she wouldn’t need to be forced into it.

It’s hard to say.

It’s also worth to mention that, in truth, we only have small fragments of what Asirpa’s life with Wilk was. As she loved her father and lost it when she was a little above 6 it’s entirely possible that, if she had some unpleasant memories of him, she subconsciously removed them and kept only the good ones.

Long story short it’s really hard to judge how Wilk was as a father because there’s little material and all of it is seen through Asirpa’s eyes.

He clearly came out as an odd father in Ainu’s eyes as the education of Ainu children at the time was very gendered, with the boys going with the fathers and learing how to hunt and the girls remaining with their mothers and learning female works so Wilk, teaching Asirpa how to hunt, surely came out as odd... and he would have looked even odder if it turned out he wanted Asirpa to lead the Ainu... so his actions aren’t just moved by his love for her.

He clearly has a goal for her.

But back to your question what’s interesting though is that his goal for her is not to be a tool or a weapon in his hands, is to be a leader. Somehow Wilk didn’t want Asirpa to be an instrument but the master of her own destiny. If anything he hoped she would surpass him as a partisan warrior and become what he couldn’t be.

The one who would lead Ainu... gaining what he couldn’t get, freedom for the Ainu.

Fathers who view their children as weapons or tools often instead want to be the one who’ll become something or who’ll gain something, with the kids being merely pawns in their games, not masters of their own destiny.

In a way it’s a matter of trust and ambition.

Wilk didn’t aim to lead the Ainu for himself and trusted Asirpa to be able to do a better job than he would, other fathers just want to reach something for themselves and don’t trust their children to be able to reach goal without them ‘leading/directing/using’ them.

We see it in the Hanazawa/Yuusaku relation, where Yuusaku is a pawn, meant to inspire Hanazawa’s troops and not make his father look bad.

And it’s interesting because Ogata too expected Asirpa to be a pawn in Wilk’s game and didn’t quite understand why he hadn’t taught her to kill... whcih Wilk should have done if Asirpa were meant to be just an instrument in his hands.

Wilk instead wanted for her something more than just that.

Said all this, I don’t mean Wilk was an awesome father.

In his love for his own cause he still influenced and directed Asirpa’s growth toward the destination he wanted. It was much lighter manipulation than the one children were normally subjected back then (back then fathers were to chose a child’s future job and, possibly, also who they would marry) but it’s still manipulation.

He might have been blind to it, thinking he was doing it for Asirpa’s well being... but he still forced her in a situation that was pretty dangerous and manipulative.

Long story short I think Wilk wanted to be a good father... but that ultimately he still prioritized his goal over what Asirpa might want in the warped idea Asirpa would surely want the same as him.

But well, that’s just me so I might be wrong.

[sugar-petals]

How do you think super m feel about super m??? 😅😅 Because I don't think they kinda like that idea..... They might all get along but the idea of super m

good question. you’re right that the group dynamic (which is gold) and how they go with the concept are two very different things. in that sense, here goes what i observed so far. 

i do see they are passionate about a lot of aspects. what often introduces more tenseness in interviews — i noticed that one as well, i get what you try to say — is likely not that they hate the supergroup idea, though. it’s the pressure behind it. they’re currently more professional plus energy-saving about the whole promotions. and way more scripted, that’s why. 

the scripts are more strict-sounding than their natural back and forth as superm is given a larger than life manly man image. meanwhile, the members are giggly babies. so there’s a disparity with their personalities. how much they agree with the larger than life idea, not sure, they do make big eyes in the mv reactions. sometimes i think they’re not ready to be wowed by themselves 😂 which speaks of humility. now, the plan of a fusion group itself has caused enthusiasm. because of their friendships, adventure, travel, lee soo man’s spoiling of them lmao, different roles (baekhyun does well as the leader and imo you can see him enjoying the responsibility), things like that.

taemin, kai, and baekhyun assured verbatim that it’ll be great to create positive memories. the members also suggested to make a reality show out of their activities so you can tell they like this setup and want more of it. they also declined staying in a hotel because that’d mean they’d not have interactions during promotions abroad. 

i generally liked taemin’s vision at the debut day dinner.

i agree that this is the crux and a good idea. what struck me the most is that baekhyun admitted he felt authentic, strong nervousness and excitement after many years again when the fans came to the first press conference. because something is at stake and he wants to put his energy into it. if someone as emotion-based as baekhyun says his feelings have become desensitized (!) but this project really rouses him, that’s a good thing. years and years as an idol can make you numb, so novelty is key. it’s stimulating for the veterans and a boost for the maknaes. ten especially imo which is great. he gets great praise from his role models and that is so, so good for him.

lucas is a different case. he is understated about many things going on, but i see why he’s in the group. first, it needs a double whammy from wayv. second, he fits the concept visually to a fucking t. when they put him in front of the tank, the deal was sealed. if superm was a man, it’d be yukhei in his infamous pilot glasses. his voice has the right tone for it, too. as i see him relating to the concept is being in wonder. and, taken by the hand, the hyungs and mark really bring him into the dynamic. his youth shows the most here. believe me when i say. superm will bring xuxi to a next level with his progress, and it’s a needed experience. he can carry it over to wayv and nct. yukhei is a kiddo and sweet guy, this will add so much to his world view and resolve. he will grow into more sovereignty. lee soo man knows what he did with this. superm will foster his mood maker qualities the best. a similar development also applies to taeyong who can enjoy a more junior position in the group and his face is exactly what this group is all about.

what the members think about sm’s marketing, we can’t really know. they did seem to like e.g. the recent interview about cars. their interests frequently go along with the concept and they are impressed with the effort of the artistic direction. they discuss the choreo back and forth. taem is the odd one out though i must say, he stated himself that his style is usually different and he has to adapt more. but other than that, they’re getting started, and what will trouble them the most at best is the exhaustion of promoting more. taemin summed it up again saying even though it’s a challenge, they spend happy days. they do like the whole project.

[straykidsupdate]

Stray Kids & Their Fans Are Growing Up Together

Adulthood has its side effects.

Strobe lights flash like firing synapses; Synths wobble and throb like a pounding headache. “머리 아프다!” — my head hurts — yell the members in Korean, pounding their fists erratically in different directions in the air. Stray Kids dance over the EDM-trance beat as a stern voice recites a string of aliments: “Common side effects include: nervousness, insomnia, nausea, agitation, anxiety, sweating, vision problems, numbness, psychosis, dizziness, headaches, weight loss.” 

From the crowd of nearly 5,600 in New York’s Hulu Theater, the refrain to “Side Effects” rang out passionately from the K-pop group’s diverse fanbase, called Stay, caught somewhere between a battle cry and a cry for help. Stray Kids know that this feeling they’re communicating with “Side Effects” — one of disorientation, fear, and confusion that goes hand-in-hand with growing up — is one they share with Stay. After all, that’s what makes Stray Kids (who range in age from 19 to 22) so beloved by their passionate fans — they write and compose straight from their own experiences, painting a vivid picture of the feelings that young people share all over the world. And now, for everyone gathered in this dark theater, singing together is a catharsis.

Since their debut with JYP Entertainment nearly two years ago, Stray Kids’ discography has weaved a narrative that serves as an allegory for the joys and pains of coming of age. They begin as prisoners in the fictional dystopia of “District 9,” but even after making their escape, they must enter a labyrinth to face internal battles as they question their identities and their goals throughout each three-part I Am…  and Clé EP series. 

“In Clé 1: Miroh, we went into the maze really confidently,” Stray Kids’ animated Austrailian-Korean leader Bang Chan tells Refinery29 in our office ahead of their New York City tour stop. Even in more serious moments, the 22-year-old rapper and one-third of Stray Kids’ producing unit, 3RACHA, holds a warmth and playfulness in his eyes. “And then after that, in Clé: Yellow Wood, we asked ourselves, ‘Was this the right decision? Do we have regrets? Did we choose the right way?’ ‘Double Knot’ [off of Clé: Levanter] was where we said, ‘We're going to keep on doing what we're doing. We'll just keep going.’ But then with [our most recent single] ‘Levanter,’ we stress how you can't always just really focus too much on one goal. Maybe you might need to take a break to see the other options.”

There’s a certain rebelliousness that seems to run through Stray Kids’ music — if they’re not fighting against a higher power, then they’re warring with themselves. But rapper Changbin, another 3RACHA member along with rapper and vocalist Han, is clear that their mentality isn’t “us against the world.” 

“There's not this big, crazy thing that we’re fighting against, right?” says Changbin, the chains on his shirt clinking together as he gesticulates. Changbin’s duality on and offstage is one of the most pronounced in the group — though he’s not the youngest, he’s known affectionately as the “baby” by his members. Catch him performing, however, and he turns into a growling menace as he spits bars.

“But just like in daily life, there are things that you're facing — issues, or roadblocks when you're on your way to a dream and things that you want to do in life. The theme of our music is that we want to overcome that together.”

Hyunjin, a striking rapper and dancer beloved by fans for his emotional intelligence, lays out what he feels people his age today feel they are most often up against: “There are two types of people. One is somebody who doesn't really know exactly what they want to do with their life. They don't really have a dream, so they're trying to find themselves and decide what they want to do. And then there are people who do have a particular goal or dream, and they're trying to wrestle with how exactly they’re going to achieve it.”

It’s not simply that Hyunjin and the seven other members of Stray Kids (a ninth, Woojin, left the company suddenly late last year for unknown reasons) are guessing what’s on Stay’s mind — they know firsthand, thanks to their uniquely close relationship that they’ve taken care to nurture over the past two years in a few ways. The first, and in many ways the most important, is by connecting through their music, which they’ve self-produced even before they officially debuted as a group. This creative license allows them to speak directly to their fans and reveal themselves  in a truly authentic way. It is also the reason why Stray Kids’ music — often a creative mix of EDM, rap, and rock —  sounds so distinctive in the K-pop landscape, and even beyond Korea’s borders. “All eight of us have different preferences and tastes in music, so we can each bring a different color to the music we make,” says Changbin. “It lets our music be more diverse and it allows us to try new things.” 

They acknowledge that there’s a tension between wanting to take risks in your music and needing to make a chart-smashing hit, which is something that despite their overall success, the group has yet to achieve. But the goal is to always try to push boundaries, and not sacrifice their integrity. 

You don’t usually see this kind of adventurous spirit in a newer group: usually, musicians start by imitating what they know and love. In Stray Kids’ case, that could’ve meant reflecting artists who Stay likely also share passion for: A bit of Ed Sheeran (courtesy of Bang Chan), Ariana Grande (Changbin), or maybe even Day6 (Seungmin). But they resisted the urge to copy, and instead created their own signature style. “Even if it might be a bit weird, I think we all really enjoy that, because it really excites us to try new things,” says Bang Chan, dimples punctuating his broad grin.

"I feel like our fans are really just close friends, to the point where they’re like family" - Stray Kids’ Bang Chan

Beyond music, they also communicate with Stay directly. The members share their thoughts in short video series such as Two Kids Room and One Kid’s Room, behind-the-scenes vlogs about their travels on tour, and often take time to talk to fans on VLive, a live-streaming app popular with K-pop idols. But they take it a step further: Bang Chan goes live once a month (it used to be once a week) in a segment he calls “Chan’s Room,” where he shares updates about his life, what’s been on his mind, and music recommendations. Hyunjin started a series called “Hyunjin’s Counseling Center,” where he addresses both his and Stay’s various inner thoughts and feelings, as well as give advice.

“I feel like our fans are really just close friends, to the point where they’re like family,” says Bang Chan. “I love spending quality time and just being like, ‘I'm doing this. I'm thinking about this these days. I want to show you guys this. I got my ukulele and am going to play something for you guys.’ I think the whole live system is really great because it makes us feel so close. It just tightens the relationship.”

“I think the best way for Stay to take care of themselves is to stay healthy and eat a lot of delicious food and listen to our music,” adds the affable and dynamic vocalist Seungmin, “so this is a way we check in and help them with that.”

It’s a beautiful symbiotic relationship. While fans certainly benefit from Stray Kids’ care, the artists readily admit that they’ve learned a lot about themselves since becoming idols and gaining fans.

“People think that it’s weird to be a celebrity if you’re an introvert,” says blonde Han, who opted for a seat in the center of the half circle, though a bit behind his bandmates. On stage and with his members, his charisma and sense of humor know no bounds, but the sole MBTI-certified introvert of the group usually takes a while to get comfortable in new environments. “I usually keep to myself, but when I’m on stage with the other Stray Kids members, I find this courage and strength that I didn’t even know I had,” he says, a smile widening on his face as he compliments the others in the room. “I get strength from my fellow members and the enthusiasm and energy of the fans, so that I can be confident and not come off as too introverted.”

“The feedback from fans has helped us grow so much,” says Australia-born dancer Felix, whose deep voice and shock of red hair counterbalance his lithe stature. His deep sincerity and good nature ratidate as he speaks. “We're always trying to show better work. So using all this direct feedback, I do try to improve as an artist and as... I guess it helps me try to be a better person in general.”

I.N., the youngest, self-proclaimed fox-faced vocalist of the group, as well as passionate dancer and cat-lover Lee Know, have both been more motivated to stick to their goals thanks to fans. I.N. explains his lack of willpower using cool slang (“작심삼일”) that stumps even the interpreter. “Basically I give up on things within three days,” he says. “I’ve been trying to overcome that.” For Lee Know, it’s a bit more simple: “I want to bulk up. So, consistency is so important. Stay are good at keeping us accountable.”

Hyunjin, ever-contemplative, sees the growth he’s gained from being an idol with fans as more introspective. “I’ve experienced a lot of feelings and emotions I didn’t have when I was a trainee,” says Hyunjin. “Being a celebrity or an idol, you're in the public eye and you're one person who is constantly interacting with and meeting many, many people. While talking to so many fans, I started realizing how much impact the words of a few people can have on a large number of people. It made me more thoughtful of what I say and I feel more responsibility for our music and performances. I want to do my best because of my fans. I feel that it’s made me grow into a more mature person.” 

And while that seems like a lot of pressure to put on a 19-year-old, he maintains that he sees it as a responsibility he’s more than happy to take on. “I don’t really see it as a burden because the way I see it, you could say just one little thing, but that could really make a person's day or really change their mind for the better.”

[acc3ssdenied]

BLISS |01

SUMMARY: You are a YG trainee almost ready to debut. As a final test, you are invited to take part in the JYP vs YG trainee battle. Imagine your surprise when you see it’s one of your favourite groups taking part in it, 3RACHA. After seeing you perform, Chan offers to collaborate with you on a song and you find yourself becoming closer to the group but, one, in particular, stood out from the start.

PAIRING: hwang hyunjin x idol trainee! reader

GENRE: idol au, fluff, crack

WARNING: stray kids are a lOt, yedam 🥺🥺, reader has big dick energy, hyunjin is a sweetie,,, but seriously, strong language?? that’s it??

WORD COUNT: 4.75k

TAG LIST: @kimvantaee {please tell me if you would like to be untagged, I will continue to add you to all of my tag lists because of your message but I would be happy to untag you} @felixspotato

A/N: I have watched the battle episode of the survival show sO many times it’s insane and I couldn’t get this idea out of my head so,,, here it is!! I’m going to gush about yedam a lot because 💓💗💕💞 cutie!! fight me otherwise

CHAPTER ONE

There was a lot of pressure on you on that day. The main producer had selected you as the only female trainee to represent YG at the battle with JYP. He was sure you were ready to debut and decided that the best way to make sure was to put you in front of JYP and himself. Obviously, he partially wanted to show you off. You were nervous — mainly because the producer hadn’t told the other one that you would be doing a separate performance as well. All the boys were reassuring you, saying that it would be fine and you would be amazing. It was easy enough for Yedam to say, he knew JYP from when he was on Kpop Stars. YG had paired you both together from the start, claiming that his two ‘aces’ should get to know each other. No matter how ridiculous his claim was, Yedam and yourself were best friends anyway.

You were all lined up, waiting for the arrival of the JYP trainees. To stop yourself from fidgeting, your fingers were curled tightly around the sleeves of your grey zip-up hoodie. Letting out a sigh, you moved away from your spot next to Yedam and walked over to your small bag of things. You had a tendency to snack when you were nervous. Unfortunately, when you had opened up the bag, you were met with a resounding zero snacks. Your neck snapped up, eyes wide with accusation as you looked over your sheepish friends.

Standing from your crouched position, you glared at them with you hands on your hips, “Which one of you idiots ate my snacks?” They all bowed their head slightly, trying to avoid your eyes as they pierced into them. A stifled laugh came from the far left and you sighed, “Yedam,” your voice was low as you stepped towards him — he was still trying to hold in his laughter. “Idiot,” you exclaimed, hand coming up to hit him upside the head repeatedly, the other one holding him in place. “Don’t eat my food.”

The other trainees had been laughing at you loudly, Raesung almost crying as leaned on one of them for support. But, then they became quiet. Naturally, you continued to lecture him sharply even as Yedam nudged your side to try and catch your attention. The sound of someone clearing their throat was what finally caused you to whirl around, hand still gripping onto his sleeve tightly. You were considerably surprised to see nine boys around your age staring at you with wide eyes — as well as JYP, who was looking at you with a large amount of amusement in his eyes.

You didn’t think you had ever moved so quickly as when you managed to remove your hand from Yedam and lower yourself into a deep bow to greet the producer, the other YG trainees joining you. “Annyeonghaseyo.” JYP went along the line, shaking your hands as he went and still looked as though he was trying to stop himself from laughing at you. Just as your face was going to heat up with embarrassment, Yedam muttered something loudly.

“So much anger in one tiny body.” You whirled towards him, eyes wide with anger as you heard Seunghoon mutter something along the lines of ‘here we go again’ as the others laughed loudly at you.

Not hesitating to reach up and smack the back of his head again, you shouted, “Yah! Respect your elders!” This time, JYP couldn’t stop himself from laughing at you — most likely because you were about half a foot taller than Yedam and you were still fighting him.

Shaking his head slightly as he smiled, the producer said, “Annyeonghaseyo. We haven’t met each other yet.” You glanced at Yedam knowingly, poking his side lightly to get his attention. It was then that you finally got to look at the JYP trainees, you gasped slightly. Seunghoon had taken the words right of your mouth when he had muttered: ‘Wow they’re so handsome.’ He was right. But, you couldn’t focus on that because three of them immediately stuck out to you and you bounced slightly on the balls of your feet in excitement.

As they had finished introducing themselves at JYP’s instructions. They called themselves Stray Kids and you had to say that it was a catchy name. They automatically looked far more put together then you did — your minor tantrum hadn’t helped that. When they had finished, you couldn’t stop yourself from blurting out, “3RACHA!”

The other YG trainees turned to look at you in confusion like you were speaking in a different language whilst Stray Kids raised their eyebrows at you slightly. It was Chan that spoke, “You listen to us?” JYP was watching the altercation with interest.

You nodded eagerly, turning to Yedam with an expectant smile, “Remember that song I showed you: ‘jeogiyo noona heokshi namjachingu isseoyo’.” He blinked at you for second in thought before he laughed in realisation and nodded. Chan and Changbin had both burst into laughter at your impression of Jisung, who had groaned and covered his face with his hand in embarrassment. You offered him a sheepish smile, “Sorry, it’s the most memorable line.” He nodded understandingly, managing to muster up a smile to return.

As JYP began discussing the ages of the group, you couldn’t help but descend into worry. It would have been far easier if you had not made a strong first impression for your solo stage to be less important. But, of course, you had been completely obnoxious and hard to ignore. And, of course, some of the opposition were rappers you were fans of. It was typical.

Your attention was drawn back when JYP exclaimed, “You’re Yedam?” His shock was clear on his face as he looked at your best friend. “Are you disappointed I didn’t recognise you?” You snorted slightly when he said yes and the room erupted into laughter. “Take it easy today.” Puffing your cheeks out slightly to stop your self from cackling, you leant into Yedam as he wrapped an arm around your shoulder. He never took it easy — especially not today.

The exchange was interrupted by YG entering the room with Byoungjae tucked under his arm. You were quick to roll your eyes in amusement, looking in Yedam’s direction, who was laughing loudly. He and JYP exchanged some lighthearted jabs before their entire attention rested on the trainees again. Your producer asked for the other trainees' names, mistaking ‘Stray’ for ‘Straight’ which made you snort loudly into Yedam’s shoulder.

“You know Bang Yedam, right?” The others all nodded, eyeing him slightly as he bowed slightly, a bashful smile on his face. “You know Raesung? The one who only practised in the mirror?” JYP let out a sound of realisation as his trainees stared at him in with shock written on their faces. “He’s producing music now as well,” YG started proudly before allowing his gaze to fall on you, he gave you a fond smile, “I’m assuming you’ve met Y/N,” he looked at you knowingly before turning to the other producer expectantly.

Your mouth fell open, unsure by what he meant and your fellow trainees laughed at your startled expression. JYP laughed loudly, shooting you a kind smile, “Oh yes, she made quite a strong impression.” Quickly, you made a betrayed and offended facial expression, doing your best to cross your arms over your chest in an offended manner beneath Yedam’s arm.

YG looked to the ceiling, sighing as though he had been told the worst news in the world, “She always does,” he gestured towards you and Yedam with a feigned solemn expression on his face, “I like to keep her with Yedam to see if he’ll rub off on her,” he lowered his voice dramatically, “It hasn’t happened yet.”

JYP hummed in agreement, exchanging a conspiring glance with the other producer as you opened your mouth, speechless. Noticing your scowl and affronted facial expression, YG laughed and reached over to pat your shoulder encouragingly, “I’m kidding. I like to keep my two aces together.” That sentence was what caused all of the JYP trainees to look at you differently, with more interest. You tried to slip further beneath Yedam without being noticed.

The other producer was now watching you with as much interest as he had looked at Yedam with. If not more, as he had never heard of you within the entertainment circuit. “We’ve never had a girl at one of the battles,” he said, looking over to YG, “I was wondering why that changed now.”

“Ah, yes,” he said, a smug smile lighting up his face as the conversation headed in the direction he wanted to, “Y/N is ready to debut but, I wanted to use this as a final test before. Which is why I was hoping you would allow for her to have a separate performance in the free battle.” You know it wasn’t a question, he phrased it as such in front of everyone so it couldn’t be refused. He hadn’t had you prepare for it to not happen.

Unsurprisingly, JYP nodded eagerly and the interest he held for you was far more pronounced, the expression mirrored on his trainees' faces. “Of course. If I may ask, where did you find her?” He directed the question to your producer, as though he sensed that you were nervous and uncomfortable — which wasn’t exactly comfortingly.

The smile on YG’s face only widened, everything laying out exactly as he had planned it to. “An underground rap and dance crew,” there was a hint of a smirk on his face, as though he knew what that would cause to resonate throughout the opposition, “She was only very low down because she was thirteen but, her talent was beyond the crew.” He only chose to mention it because he knew how seriously underground rappers were taken, they were notorious for their talent.

The trainees, especially 3RACHA, were completely taken aback. However, as much as they were shocked, the impressed looks on their face outshone them. JYP’s eyebrows were raised slightly as he nodded, “I see. How old are you now?” He looked you up and down as though he was trying to work out how old you were.

“I’m sixteen, almost seventeen.” Once again, they were shocked. As much as it was flattering, it bothered you. Why shouldn’t they expect that from someone like you?

Chan let out an impressed sound, “You’re the same age as our youngest.” He identified himself, nodding at you slightly and you returned it with a wide smile, bowing your head to him respectfully.

Soon, the producers had said their final words of encouragement — if YG’s could be considered that — and you were sat down onto the bench beside Yedam, examining Stray Kids. Seunghoon had been right in saying they were handsome, had you known 3RACHA would be there you would have expected it. One of them was unfairly beautiful, if you weren’t confident in yourself it would have made you question yourself. Just by your luck, he had been looking at you at the same time. Instead of looking away in the hopes he would think it a coincidence, you allowed a smirk to slowly spread across your lips as he looked at you and you wiggled your fingers slightly in a tiny wave. To your satisfaction, he quickly averted his eyes as a light flush appeared on his cheekbones and he turned to mutter to one of the boys on his left. You turned away with a satisfied smile on your face and Yedam pinched your waist, looking at you with a stern facial expression. Feigning an expression of innocence, you shrugged your shoulders and made a show of turning your attention to the producers.

“JYP will be presenting rap for the free battle.” Your gaze snapped to where Changbin and Jisung had raised their hands and were getting to their feet. The small part of you that was overwhelmed by your love for their music was confused as to why Chan wasn’t performing, however, the part of you with a sense of self-preservation was needling in on the fact that you were in danger. YG had every opportunity to hold you up against them now and as much as he adored you, if you weren’t better than them he would see it as a reason to continue your training. For the first time, the expression on your face was entirely serious.

As they started, you leant forwards with bated breath and your expression was completely blank. If you had thought they were good through recording, you had to say that they were amazing live. They were charismatic, Jisung would smile and tilt his head and Changbin, well, it would be easy to be intimidated by him. On the third verse when he got up in the YG trainees faces, he made sure his gaze met yours. For the only time in their performance, you let the stony facade break and the left side of your mouth tugged up into a small smirk.

YG was genuinely impressed by them, as you knew he would be. Their talent was undoubtedly amazing and their style was one that appealed to him. He was right in saying that the rhythm was good. The whole time, you were taking mental notes and tallying up things to remember. As they returned to their seats, he turned and gave you a meaningful look. You returned it with a slight nod, telling him that you were confident.

Then, it was Yedam’s turn. Instead of clapping for him like the others, you wrapped your arms around him in a tight hug. “You’re going to kill it,” you whispered into his ear before letting go and sitting back down. He nodded at you and took to the stage, hands covered by the sleeves of his black hoodie. You couldn’t help but think of how small he looked when he was nervous. If there were any lingering worries for his nerves, they dissolved as soon as the first line left his mouth. The awe on the other trainees' faces was endlessly pleasing to you and the proud smile on your face was wholehearted as you watched him.

It was obvious how more comfortable he became as it went on, taking more risks with his riffs and moving about more. He was amazing and you had expected nothing less. When he finished, you made the decision to get to your feet and cheer louder than anyone else, your grin almost splitting from how wide it was. Yedam and YG exchanges amused glances at your behaviour but, you paid no mind and sat back down with a grin still painted on your features.

JYP gave him singing praise and you were filled with happiness as you watched his nerves disappear. You felt like a proud older sister when he sat back down next to you, close to tears. He scoffed at your dramatics and hugged you tightly, ruffling your hair slightly.

It was your turn. The producer had claimed both you and Yedam were his aces so, now you had to live up to that — as well as compete with Changbin and Jisung’s strong performance. Clasping his hands together, YG looked to you, “Y/N, are you ready?” Once again, it was a rhetorical question.

Ignoring any nerves you may have felt, you felt the familiar thrill and confidence of performing fill you as you have him a sly smile, answering, “Always.” He returned your smile and gestured for you to take the stage. You jumped from the bench, striding to the front of the stage with a confident bounce into your step. “Annyeonghaseyo, I’m Y/N Y/LN. YG’s three-year trainee,” you bowed to both of the producers deeply.

“YG said you were a part of an underground dance and rap crew.” You nodded. “Will you be presenting rap or dance today?” JYP asked, glancing down to his notes between sentences. It was obvious that YG had instilled high expectations into him.

Giving YG a small smirk, you turned back to the other producer and bowed your head again, “I will be presenting rap today.” He nodded and you took that as your cue to start. You walked halfway back to your group, hands reaching up to tighten your ponytail as Jeon Woong tossed your red mic towards you. Catching it one-handed, you tossed it in the air to get your grip comfortable before you signalled to the sound engineer with your three fingers, telling him what track to use.

You were taking a risk doing BTS’s Cypher Pt. 2. It was fast and the flow changed multiple times so you couldn’t focus on your stage presence as much, it was left down to instincts. You had only performed it in front of YG and the other producers and they had seemed happy with it. This showcased your skills as much as one performance could. All you could do was hope it showed through as well your personality would.

You had altered the track to only use the end bit of J-Hope’s verse as you wanted to keep it short but also maintain the transition between him and RM. As the familiar beat came through the speakers, murmurs came from both sides and you noticed the proud smirk on YG’s face as you tossed your mic once more.

For the start, you stayed relaxed and just went with the flow. Your hand gestures not planned but what felt natural to you. It was when the beat disappeared and it turned more into a chant style that you really started. You dropped into a crouch, your face blank as you turned it towards the JYP trainees. As soon as the beat returned, you turned your head back to the producers to finish the verse. It faded away, only to be replaced by a much more powerful bass and you jumped up again, spinning around on your heels to stride past your team and sent a wink Yedam’s way. He only grinned at you in return.

RM’s verse was the hardest for you. It was different from your most usual style and required a lot of power behind it. But, it left a large impression and set you up for the finale. You stayed towards the back of the stage, allowing you to look over the JYP trainees who were watching you impassively, their knees moving to the beat. Making sure to maintain eye contact, you added some ad-libs and made your way over as though you would rap the verse to them.

As soon as the verse started, you had launched into the other direction and had your hand covering your face. After ‘chew and swallow, I’m bubblegum’, you started to move, your facial expressions changing dramatically depending on the beat and at the timing of your gestures. You turned to face the other team as soon as you had rapped ‘fuck it’ and you slowly stepped towards them, the smirk on your face borderline mocking. It was once the English rap had started that you finally got up in their faces, moving down the line and alternating between gesturing at them and at yourself. You rolled your eyes and gave them an open-mouthed smirk, your tongue pressed between your teeth before you finished off the verse crouched right in front of Chan.

The beat faded to the point you would have expected it to stop and you stayed crouched in front of them. As soon as you heard J-Hope’s voice through the speakers, you launched to your feet, not sparing a glance for the producers. You walked a wide circle, tugging the zip of your hoodie down before tossing it to the side so you were only left in a red crop top and black combat trousers.

Flipping your mic once, you jumped into the verse as you stood still in the centre, only moving your hands. You continued in the circle, moving in front of your own team who was smiling wildly until you stopped in front of the producers. Holding the mic at your side, you left out ‘I’m workaholic, shopaholic’ letting your team, who were rapping along to the bits they knew, fill in. You were quick to move over to Stray Kids, moving along the line bent at the knee slightly. At ‘I’m ballin’’ you brought your hand into yourself and smirked at them before continuing to move along, winking at them slyly at the end of the next line. You spun back round to the centre, your hand tugging at the collar of your shirt as your pitch changed occasionally.

Only when the speed picked up did you turn back to them, dropping into a crouch right in front Changbin and staring him dead in the eye. You fingers counted the beats and you finished it with a wink before bouncing away again. You stopped in front of the producers, your eyes dead on JYP’s as you said ‘music career’s’. Breathing heavily into the mic, you circled back into the centre and looked at the ceiling with it held to your open mouth. ‘Yah’. The track ended and you let your hand fall to your side as your other one reached up to wipe the sweat that had beaded across your forehead.

As the room erupted in applause, you bowed to the front before bowing to both teams with a small smile on your face. Yedam and the others cheered loudly for you and your grin widened, a slight redness tinging the colour of your cheeks. You weren’t afraid to say that the JYP trainees had amazed expressions on their faces, as though they hadn’t expected it. It was satisfying.

YG took it upon himself to speak first, a proud grin on his face as he looked over the expressions of JYP and his trainees. “That’s why she’s my other ace.” Your face darkened and you dropped into another deep bow, you let out harsh breaths as you wiped away more sweat slightly.

The other producer looked down at his notes again, shaking his head slightly before looking back to you, “You’re sixteen?” You nodded and he blew out a breath. “Wow.” You did your best to hide your smile. “To not only take on a rap with that many different flows and speeds but, to do it alone when meant for three? It’s impressive.” You bowed again, mumbling your thanks. “Your rap is stable and your rhythm seems to be second nature, it’s not something that can be taught,” he nodded his head, clapping his hands for you slowly, “Well done.” Failing to hide the ecstatic grin on your face, you bowed to both producers deeply before hurrying back over to your team, not hesitating to collapse on top of Yedam.

Your team leaned forward to give you bright smiles, “You were amazing,” Midam said and the others chorused in agreement, you nodded your head in gratitude but didn’t say anything as you were still out of breath.

Moving forward to grab your discarded hoodie from the floor, you brought it up to wipe the sweat that had formed around your eyes. From beside you, Yedam pretended to gag and you shot him a playful glare out of the corner of your eye. Fortunately for him, you were too overwhelmed by your performance to attack him. At the front of the room, YG rose from his chair, “Before the vocal round, we’ll have a break to get refreshments.” Immediately, you had shot to your feet and bowed deeply to the producer. He shook his head at you in amusement, “Since you’re so eager Y/N, you can show everyone where to find them.”

Yedam nodded, sighing under his breath and YG gestured for you to proceed. Chan, Jisung, the maknae and two of the others, whose names you weren’t sure about, got to their feet and you lead them out of the training room. Taking the right, you proceeded to give a dramatic tour of the corridor, “Now, this corridor is great but — you are about to see the most important room in the YGE building... the cafeteria.” At this, Yedam swung the door open and you pointed into the room to signal for them to enter. “You can get anything you’d like it’s all paid for.”

Almost instantaneously, your face had fallen from a happy grin to a pout which made the room erupt into laughter. You bowed to the producers and then to the JYP trainees, “Of course.” Blindly reaching to your left, you yank Yedam to his feet and he looks at you with wide eyes from your unexpected actions. “Yedami, you’ll help, won’t you?” The sharpness in your eyes immediately told him it wasn’t a choice — he owed you for the snacks he had eaten.

He nodded, sighing under his breath, as YG gestured for you to go ahead and show them the way. Chan, Jisung, the maknae and two other trainees, whose names you were unsure of, got to their feet and followed you out of the room and down the corridor. As you reached the double doors you stopped, feigning the voice of a tour guide about to make a dramatic reveal, and said, “Here, is the most important, vital and beautiful room in the whole YGE building... The cafeteria.” On cue, Yedam dramatically swung the door open and waved his hand, telling them to enter first. “Have anything you like, it’s paid for.”

Once your best friend had scuttled off to replace your stolen snacks, you perched on the edge of a table by the entrance and scrolled through the social media feeds on your phone. Eventually, someone came up to sit beside you and you looked up to see Chan. Immediately, you gave him a wide smile and you had to make the effort to subdue the fangirl in you which was going wild.

“You are insanely talented,” he said, his eyes turning into crescents from his smile. Quickly, you averted your eyes, repeating to yourself ‘do not blush’. You did not succeed. You mumbled a thank you softly, hand coming up to brush a piece of hair back that had loosened from your ponytail. Chan shook his head insistently, “No, I’m serious, that was amazing - I’ve never seen anything like it. All of my members were ready to worship you.”

A shaky laugh escaped your mouth and you scratched the back of your neck nervously, “Thank you. I’m - like - a big fan of 3RACHA so, it means a lot,” you avoided his gaze. As much as you were confident on stage, you had never really learned to take compliments well and tended to be unsure of your abilities.  But, to have a rapper which you admire tell you that you were ‘amazing’, it was a big confidence boost.

“About that,” he said, turning his body to face yours, “I was wondering if you wanted to collaborate on something.” Your neck turned so fast it was a miracle you didn’t get whiplash. “I mean, you’re a fan of us and we’re fans of you so...” His voice trailed off, he watched you expectantly.

Your mouth opened and closed in a manner that resembled a fish. Stumbling over your words in surprise, you managed to answer, “Um - yes, yes please - oh my God, yes.” Any attempt you planned to make to retain some dignity failed when the last part of your sentence ended in a small squeal. Gasping quietly, you covered your mouth as your cheeks darkened in mortification.

To his credit, Chan only chuckled at you, “Can I get your number, then?” You choked on air, staring at him with wide eyes as you coughed repeatedly. “So we can speak about the collaboration?” He laughed loudly, only showing his humour once he was sure that you were okay.

You blew out a deep breath, “Oh, yes, of course,” you said, recalling your phone number for him as he typed it into his phone. Your conversation was brought to a close by Jisung calling him over and you were left on your own at the table. On the outside, you may have seemed composed but internally, you were screaming with joy. You should have known that today would be special.

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰

A/N: so i started writing this mainly for fun because i couldn’t stop thinking about it, naturally, the idea came to me when i was unsuccessfully trying to sleep so I started making up stories to amuse myself. This chapter is weirdly long for an introductory chapter and I most likely wrote far too much about her performance but, I spent a while trying to get the feel for it so its staying that long :// I hope you enjoyed reading it :)

[trishmilburn]

Wonho, Monsta X, The Culture of Online Hate and Standing Up for What’s Right

One of the challenges of being an author is knowing where to start a story. I find myself facing that same question as I begin this blog post. There are times when we are feeling so many emotions at once that it’s difficult to express them fully. But I’m writer, and I should be able to put feelings into words even when those feelings are like a maelstrom inside of me.

As many of you know, I dove head-first into the world of K-pop a year ago. It wasn’t something I sought out. It almost seems like destiny that it found me, and I’m so glad that it did. At the time I found K-pop, I was at a crossroads of a sort. Though I’d been publishing books for a decade, the market was changing and I was burning out on the types of stories I was telling. I still loved those stories, put my all into them, and I’m thankful to my editors, publishers and readers for the opportunities and support they’ve given me. But that creative part of me wasn’t truly happy anymore. And I had no idea what to do about it because this is how I make my living. Did I have to give up the idea of enjoying what I do in order to put food on the table and pay the rent? That was depressing, to say the least. After all, I’d left journalism because I wanted to write fiction full-time. I didn’t think I could go back to being a journalist in today’s climate.

Enter K-pop, which I found by way of watching Korean dramas. Not since I was a teenager into a variety of 1980s hair bands (Hello, Bon Jovi! You’re still awesome!) had I been so into music. And to be honest, I’m pretty sure I’m enjoying music more now than I ever have in my life. That is saying a lot considering I’m a 49-year-old white lady from the American South and that enjoyment is originating a world away in a country I’ve never been to. But K-pop is infectious in the very best way. Not only are the typically upbeat songs fun to listen to, the entire world of K-pop is fun and fascinating. It has brought me countless hours of enjoyment. I listen to K-pop in my car on long road trips to concerts in Atlanta and on short trips to the grocery store. Dance is one of my two preferred forms of exercise in addition to walking at our local beach, and the playlists are all K-pop. I love watching not only the official music videos, but also the dance practices, the goofy videos the groups do in Halloween costumes, and the variety shows on which you get to know them better. K-pop is a bright, colorful, happy-making world of singing, rapping, dancing, fashion, cosmetics and more.

Until it isn’t. Today is one of those days. K-pop is not immune to the current world of online hate. While social media has allowed me to connect with my readers and fellow K-pop and K-drama fans around the world, which is fantastic, we all know it also had a dark side. Behind a computer screen, people say the most heinous things to each other, often people they don’t even know. Often while hiding their real identities. But in the current climate, many don’t even feel the need to hide their identities anymore. They feel free to direct hate at others in the full light of day, and others egg them on. It’s disgusting and it harms people who do not deserve it.

Today’s victim is Wonho from the group Monsta X. They are one of the four groups I’ve seen in concert so far this year, and their concert was fabulous. Wonho wasn’t feeling well during the show, but none of us knew that until he collapsed and had to be helped off stage. A bit later he came back out and apologized. I just wanted to wrap him in a hug and tell him he didn’t have to apologize for not being well. After all, these idols (that’s what members of K-pop groups are called) push themselves hard. They are constantly working, running on little sleep and little food to make it in a highly competitive industry that can easily discard them because there are always more groups debuting that can take their place. It’s exhausting just thinking about it.

An apology from a K-pop idol for the slightest perceived infraction or disappointment to fans is not unusual in an industry where them even dating is often considered a scandal. Not only do they have to perform their professional duties, but they are expected to be perfect with nary a wrong step, even before they became idol trainees. It’s unrealistic and it’s unfair. Who among us hasn’t done something in our life, particularly when we were young, that we regret? Something we learned from and grew because of having done it. Idols are not allowed this luxury of having been at any point a normal human youth. This is the fault of the companies they work for and the unrealistic expectations of certain segments of the fandoms.

Then there are the netizens who, for whatever twisted reason, love to cause chaos and do actual harm to the idols and their careers. That’s where we are today. There is a certain young woman in South Korea who has repeatedly caused problems for idols in one way or another. It’s often difficult to dig down to the root cause of why scandals blow up in K-pop, but supposedly she or her boyfriend posted some snarky comment about Wonho owing someone money. If that is true, there are ways of rectifying the situation that don’t include destroying someone’s career or life. Don’t take to social media where the person in question is not the only one who gets hurt. Wonho had also been the target of other malicious rumors for something taken out of context, and now Shownu, another member of Monsta X, has been targeted by false rumors. I don’t know that this is the case, but it feels very coordinated because of the timing. Monsta X just released a new album this week and are in their promotion period, and in the world of K-pop there is unfortunately an element that likes to try to tear down other bands so their own favorites can supposedly rise higher. This is complete nonsense and yet it seems to fester and spread like a disease. I don’t know the reasoning behind the attacks on Wonho and Shownu, but it’s part of a bigger problem – that of unchecked online hate.

I say unchecked because instead of the idols’ companies standing behind them, instead of them saying, “No, we will not let you tear down this person who has put his heart and soul into making his group a success and is beloved by fans,” they always put out the same kind of statement that the idol made the decision to leave the group for the good of the rest of the group members. I call a huge sack of BS! Even if Wonho did say he would leave for the good of his brothers in Monsta X – and I say brothers deliberately because K-pop groups become family since they live together, work together, vacation together, love each other – Starship Entertainment executives should have said to him, “That’s admirable but not necessary. We’re going to stand with you and behind you as we fight this. We will help you get through it, and you and the rest of Monsta X will come out stronger on the other side.” I would have admired them greatly for taking this stand, which is not something you see from the Korean entertainment companies. Instead, the idols are allowed to make sacrificial lambs of themselves for “the good of the group.” Again, I call BS. This is for the good of the companies’ monetary bottom lines. In no way do I believe that Shownu, Minhyuk, Kihyun, Hyungwon, Joohoney and I.M benefit from this. I’m sure in this moment their hearts are breaking and they’re worried about their dear friend, their brother, more than anything else. And yet they are going to be expected to perform to promote this new album in the midst of all this upheaval and heartbreak.

I chose not to have kids of my own, but in moments like these there is a dormant mama-bear instinct inside of me that makes itself known. I want to wrap all these boys, who are young enough to be my sons, in a protective hug and swat away anyone who dares take a swipe at them. I want to tell them that I’ll be strong for them while they’re hurting. I want to hold those attacking them to account and make sure they pay for what they’ve done. And I want to tell their company to grow a spine. I know the culture is different in Korea than it is here in the U.S., but how many times have you seen an American celebrity do much worse and no one bats an eye? There is a middle ground between letting people get away with true wrongdoing and destroying a person’s life and career for something that wouldn’t even be – and shouldn’t be – a blip on the radar here. And we should allow people to acknowledge youthful missteps that are relatively harmless – if they even happened – apologize, and move on. It’s called growth, and it can be an inspiration to others. If all of us who ever made a mistake as a teenager lost our careers because of it, there would be a lot of unemployed people walking around.

What needs to happen is this: all the Korean entertainment companies need to band together and say enough is enough. Rumors and magnifying small incidents to the point where netizens are ready to ride with torches and pitchforks should be called out and the instigators held to account, even by legal means. The companies need to stand behind their idols when they are attacked instead of throwing them away like they are disposable. Taking them away from everything they’ve worked for and their bandmates is cruel, not unlike ripping a child from his family and then telling them it’s their fault. If an idol has a problem, find them help. They are under so much pressure that it’s no surprise that they offer suffer from anxiety and depression, and unfortunately Korea still reportedly has an antiquated view of mental health. It’s part of the reason – along with external attacks – for their abysmal suicide rate. Look no further than Sulli, another K-pop idol who recently committed suicide after being attacked online for years. I don’t know that there has been a line drawn between those two things, but my gut tells me that it was at least a contributing factor. And I don’t want to hear of it ever happening again. Too many young, beautiful, kind, talented, giving lives are being lost.

Today, I’ve gotten next to no work done. I can’t pull my thoughts away from Wonho and how wrongly he’s been treated, how much he, the rest of the group and fans are hurting. I’ve been fighting crying all day because I know I’ll just feel worse afterward. I hate to see injustice. It just eats me alive inside. And unfortunately we are seeing more and more of it. Some might say there are worse injustices in the world than this. Yes and no. Yes, children ripped from their families at the border and genocide are great evils, but wrong is wrong. And what has happened to Wonho and other idols in the past because of online attacks is all kinds of wrong.

Wonho, if by some chance you and the rest of Monsta X read this, I hope you’re able to take comfort from the fact that you have many fans around the world who love you and who will go to bat for you. I hope you’re able to focus on those voices instead of the hateful ones. As a creative, I know it’s difficult to not focus on the vocal minority, the ones who say the negative things. Those are the voices that work their way insidiously into our brains, but we have to fight against them and remember that there are many more people to whom you have brought joy and to whom you will continue to bring job as a member of Monsta X if we have anything to say about it.

And to the decision-makers at Starship Entertainment, do the right thing. Do what is right, not what is easy or most beneficial to your bottom line. Bring Wonho back and stand up to the people who attack your idols, the people who work hard to make your company successful.

[writing-of-a-british-bitch]

Idols

Fandom:  Bohemian Rhapsody

Specified gender: Female

Pairing: Gwilym Lee x reader

TW: Just some swearing ( actually I’m not sure but knowing me probably)

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1.9K

Requests: OPEN

A/n: THIS IS JUST PURE FLUFF ( also I had no idea how to end this sorry) Also, 

Cariad- Love, Calon- my heart, Annwyl- dear

Masterlist

Gwilym shifted as Ben reached him across to slap Joe's knee. He was wedged tightly between Joe and Ben, cockblocking the pair's antics, Rami sat in a separate chair. The day had dragged on and the interview he was currently sat in felt like it was dragging on for eternity

"So how did you all react when you got the part. It must have been incredible." The interviewer questioned, looking up from the paper in his lap.

"It was amazing. I was stressed, especially since I lied about the drums and all. I jumped out of my seat and my dog started barking." Ben's response earned a laugh from the men surrounding him.

"Well, unlike Ben, I didn't lie to get my part. The first thing I did was call my parents and, y'know they were ecstatic. They're so supportive-it's the best," Joe chuckled, reaching past the tall Brit to playfully hit Ben's arm.

"I was with someone when it happened- when I told her I got the part she screamed. I think my wife was more exhilarated than I was- she's the biggest Queen fan," Gwilym smiled fondly at the memory, subconsciously twirling his wedding band.

"Hold up. Pause. Rewind. You have a wife?" Joe interrupted, leaning forward slightly, head at a slight angle

"yeah. I've told you guys a few times," Gwilym raised an eyebrow, mildly confused at his friend's surprise

"When?"

"You've never mentioned her!"

"I specifically remember telling you guys "my girl is at home watching my niece" a month ago," Gwilym argued, a laugh bubbling at the back of his throat.

"I didn't think that meant you were married!" Ben exclaimed, adjusting in his seat.

"'My girl' doesn't exactly translate to 'married', Gwil," Rami added, folding his legs over each other.

"Alright, okay, we can have this conversation later." Gwilym dismissed, looking back to the interviewer with an apologetic smile.

"You can't just spring that on us!" Joe lectured teasingly.

"I thought I told you!" Gwilym huffed, placing his glasses on his nose as the group walked to their cars.

"Why haven't we met her yet?" Rami pushed, tugging his keys from his pocket, a playful glint in his eyes.

"She said she didn't want to bother us on set. I tried to get her to come. Look, I'll talk to her tonight- see if we can have you guys over for dinner at some point soon." Gwilym explained, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"You should invite Brian and Rog. You said she was a huge Queen fan." Ben suggested, offering a smile.

"Hey, darling." Gwilym heard your voice call from the kitchen as soon as the door crept open. He quickly made his way through the house, pulling his shoes and coat off by the door, throwing his keys down before reaching you.

"How was work?" Gwilym questioned, wrapping his arm around your waist as you cooked.

"Long. Boring. But it was okay, overall. Missed you." You responded, leaning into his touch.

"I missed you too. 'Twas a long day of audition and interviews." His mumbles vibrated through your neck, sending shivers running down your spine. Silently, you turned the oven off, spinning in your husband's grip.

"How was the interview. I know you were dreading it."You asked, burying your face in his chest, his chin resting on your head.

"Oh, yeah- about that. The guys want to meet you."Gwilym confessed, biting his lip. He felt stupid for feeling scared of your response. You were his wife and they were his friends. Of course, it'd be a shame if you didn't get along with them but you were kind and understanding. If you really didn't like his friends, he knew you wouldn't have to see them all that often- maybe an award show or two.

"Oh, cool. Well, do you want to invite them tomorrow?" Your voice was soft, head tilted up to look into his beautiful eyes. Gwilym's eyes shone with admiration as he glanced down at you, pressing his lips into your hair.

"Yous sure? Don't want to pressure you, cariad." His care and love never failed to melt your heart, despite knowing him for nine years. Of which you'd be dating for four years and married for two.

"No it's okay- I want to meet them. They seem sweet." You reassured, pushing yourself onto your tiptoes to quickly connect your lips with his.

"They are sweet. They just happen to be pains in the asses too."Gwilym commented, a soft chuckle breaking from his lips.

"Well, I'll determine that tomorrow. Now, you go call your friends while I dish up and feed Dobby."

"So what time do we need to be there tonight?"The four men were seated around a small table in the corner of a quaint little cafe a few streets from Ben's house.

"Bri and Rog said they were going to arrive at half eight and I want them to be a surprise. So, try to get there anywhere between 7 PM and 8 PM," Gwilym answered, taking a sip of coffee, pushing his glasses up slightly.

"Still can't believe you didn't tell us you were married," Rami stated in disbelief.

"I thought I did, Rami!" Gwilym pouted in playfully irritation.

"I hope she likes us," Ben stated, cutting between the men's bickering

"Me too, Ben, me too." Gwilym let out a sigh before glancing out of the window.

"Are ready love? The guys will be here soon." Gwilym called up the stairs, fiddling with his ring once again.

"Coming, hun, give me a second," You yelled back, placing your makeup bag back on the bathroom counter. Gwilym smiled slightly before the quiet was disrupted by the shrill scream of the doorbell. Gwil rolled his eyes lightly before jogging to the front door, carefully dodging your puppy, a short-haired whippet called Dobby, before opening the door, revealing his three friends, all of which wearing casual-smart clothes.

"Are you just gonna stand there or let us in, buddy?" Ben kidded, smiling as Dobby lept through the doorway, relishing in the new company. She jumped up Ben, her tall, bony body allowing her to be face to face with the blonde, licking his face happily. They all let out laughter and Ben sputtered, gently pushing the overly excited dog back to the ground.

"C'mon in guys. Dobby, come here girl, come play while the guys settle down."Gwilym's voice turned babyish, waving a toy over the puppy's head, Dobby instantly pouncing on it. He quickly brushed off the dog hairs on his trousers and joined his friends in the living room. Ben and Joe have already made themselves comfortable, sprawled across one of your couches while Rami sat on the edge of the couch, watching the pair with an amused grin.

"Can I get you guys anything to drink? "Gwilym offered between laughs as Joe tried to cling to Ben who kept shoving him off.

"Just some water for me, thanks."

"Could I have a beer, please?"

"You got any coffee?"

"Coming up." Gwil shot his friends a smile as Dobby came bounding over, launching herself onto Rami's lap, before walking back to the kitchen, checking over the food before going to prepare drinks for everyone. Once he got back, he noticed all of his friends staring behind him with disbelief. Gwil swiftly spun on his heel.

You waved shyly, beaming as your husband turned to you, slack-jawed. You weren't wearing anything fancy, just a casual light yellow dress that fell just below your knees with an asymmetric strap.

"Cariad, you look stunning." He stated, sounded oddly breathless. How did he get so lucky, he couldn't help but wonder.

"It's just a dress, annywl," You giggled, sliding past Gwil to introduce yourself to his friends "Nice to finally meet you guys- I'm (Y/N)," You smoothly pulled the men to their feet, pulling them into a tight hug individually.

"I've finally met another hugger! I'm Joe," Joe acknowledged with a joke and you allowed a laugh to leek from your lips.

"My name's Ben, love. Good to meet you, at last. And Joe, what about me?"Ben whined, but couldn't stop the smile from sneaking onto his face

"Your hugs aren't as good as Ben Cardy."Joe brushed off the green-eyed blonde causing Gwilym to let out a boisterous laugh. Gwilym has told you all about Ben Cardy, even showing the pictures the group had taken on their travels. As Joe and Ben continued to squabble between themselves, Rami managed to manoeuvre himself out from underneath Dobby to greet you, returning your kind hug.

"Pleasure to meet you. Wish we'd heard more about you but someone failed to mention you even existed," Rami quipped, making a pointed glance at Gwilym, who flushed red and turned his head in the opposite direction.

"What a shame. You would've heard only good things from my Gwil," You joked, letting go of the actor to wander over to your husband and press a kiss to his cheek, causing Dobby to perk up before jumping up at you both, jealous of the affection. You giggled before leaning down to kiss the top of the whippets head and reached for her toy, throwing across the room and down one of the hallways She instantly bolted after it, nails clicking on the wooden floors, "Food should be ready soon, I'll go check on it," You murmured to Gwil and walked back to the kitchen.

"I like her," Rami commented as soon as you walked out, smiling fondly as Gwil basically sent heart-eyes at your figure

"I think Gwil does too, considering that he can't seem to drag his eyes from her," Joe ridiculed playfully.

"Shut up," Gwilym huffed, cheeks burning as he eyed the floor bashfully.

"I think it's cute that Gwilym has finally found someone," Ben defended, scratching Dobby's ears as she padded over.

"Well, I've known her for nine years but.."Gwil murmured before checking the time "Brian and Roger should be here any minute. I had to warn them that she might freak out," That earned a chortle from the group. Just as Gwilym was about to check on you, the doorbell rung.

"Gwil, did you invite someone else?" You asked, your voice bouncing off the walls.

"Yeah, they were just a little late. I'll get it, calon," Gwilym returned an answer, already beginning to walk towards the door. When the door opened, he greeted the two musicians with a kind hug before quietly invited them inside, leading them to the kitchen.

"Cariad, there are two more people I want you to meet," Gwilym announced, stood slightly behind the two Queen members, partly hidden by Brian's mop of grey curly hair.

"Oh, hello-"You started as you turned around, a wooden spoon in your hand from helping with the food. Your eyes widened, mouth falling open in shock. You were frozen to the spot. Your idols were right in front of your eyes and you could barely cough out a syllable, the spoon falling from your hand.

"Hello, love, Gwilym told us all about you, it's great to meet you." Brian couldn't help but laugh slightly, though it held no malice, Roger joining in soon after. After a second of silence, Brian opened his arms to you, gesturing for you to come in for a hug. And without a second's hesitation, you wrapped your arms around him, still star-struck. You were hugging Brian May. Brian. Freaking. May. A literal legend. When you pulled back, you finally managed to speak again.

"Hi, oh my god, it's incredible to meet you guys, I'm a huge fan. Sorry, I probably sound stupid." You choked out, a grin taking over your features as Roger then pulled you into a hug.

"Not at all, your husband was telling us that you're a big Queen fan. Must be a shock." Roger couldn't help but sound a little cocky but it yanked a chuckle from your throat.

"Sorry for 'fangirling'. You guys are just awesome. Anyway, you should sit down, I'll get you both drinks." Gwilym leads the two rockstars into the living room and as soon as he re-entered the kitchen, you launched yourself onto him, bringing his lips to yours.

"You're the best husband ever." You grinned affectionately, pressing your forehead against yours.

Holy shit, you just met your idols

Tags: @writingfortoomanyfandoms @metaphorical-love-for-a-car @queens-n-roses @freaky-dcaky @yourealegendfred @fierce-bab @dusthas-beenbitten   @bensroger @strangeandwonderfulconcepts  @babebenhardy @benhardyjones @silvver-rose 

[weartirondad]

Could u write a thing about Tony getting more personal interns and Peter gets jealous? Maybe he feels like Tony's replacing him or going to act as a father figure for all of them too, so Peter wouldn't be special or get as much time with him? 💙💙💙💜💜💜💜💜I love ur blog so so much!!

FF.net I ao3

It was funat first.

MisterStark moving more of his work to the actual R&D labs meant Peter got tohang out with all the other crazy smart kids with an actual internship at StarkIndustries which had him thriving. He loved science and he loved tinkering withTony in his personal lab but out here? There were people who wanted to be hisfriend apart from Ned, not because he knew the Tony Stark but because theythought he, Peter Parker, was cool.

Screwing aroundwith bots and manufacturing some strong chemical glue for medical purposes(that may or may not have been inspired by his own webbing) was considered coolhere which, honestly, that was a first.

Peter hadnever once in his life been considered cool by anyone other than Ned and thathad always been enough. It would always be enough, too. It’s just - he had morethan one friend, his aunt and an eccentric superhero billionaire mentor in hiscorner now and that feeling of belonging somewhere was incredible.

Untilsuddenly it wasn’t.

Peterhadn’t quite realized that Mister Stark sharing his lab also meant, well,sharing Mister Stark.

They hadtheir desks next to each other, of course, and Peter was officially hispersonal intern (and unofficially so much more) but they weren’t really aloneanymore.

That meantsignificantly less physical contact (it was him who begged Mister Stark not toembarrass him in front of everyone else so that was on him, really) and no privatetalks.

After workwas a different story altogether when they would ride up the elevator to thepenthouse and Mister Stark ruffled his hair and they’d both collapse onto thecouch to watch a movie together. None of the other interns got to have that andPeter wasn’t too shy to admit to himself that he was a little smug about it.

So, it wasfine that his mentor wasn’t as openly affectionate when they were in R&D.Totally fine.

But thenone day a guy, just three years older than Peter called Marc, made him hissmoothie because Peter was running late after school and when he got in theywere conversing easily and Mister Stark was sipping his drink that was in adifferent cup than the Spider-Man themed one Peter usually chose for him and helooked happy and content and only interrupted his talk briefly to greet himwith a hair ruffle.

No “How was your day, squirt?”, no “I’vebeen wondering when you’d get here”, no nothing. It was fine, though,because he got that soft smile that was reserved for him and Mister Starkwasn’t obligated to give him this full attention all the time anyway. He was afree man and of course he would want to talk to the people in his lab. He was afuturist, a visionary and, above all, a team player who valued other’s input.

Only whenLizzie figured out a new update for the Stark Phone Mister Stark grinned at herand high fived her with a “Great job, kid.” And that was Peter’s title.

It wasridiculous.

He alwaystold the man how much he hated being called kid and now he had appropriated itas his title? Laughable, ludicrous even. To Mister Stark they were all kids, sowhat right did Peter have to monopolize a random three letter word?

It was justembarrassing, that was all, looking up every time he heard the nickname andseeing it, coupled with a proud grin, directed at someone else.

But Peterwasn’t a malicious boy. He really wasn’t. He knew how much the genius’ praisemeant to every single one of them because he’d been in their shoes and gettingacknowledged by their idol was fantastic. They deserved it. He was happy forthem, he was.

Just….

Sometimes the nagging voices in his head wouldn’t stop. They would tellhim how he wasn’t anything special, how Mister Stark could’ve taken anyone ofthem in had they been Spider-Man and then they’d be hanging out in hispenthouse and they’d get to cuddle up to him during movie nights. Someone elsewould’ve gotten matching science pun t-shirts and the soothing calls when hewoke up from nightmares yet again.

He was Spider-Man - that was all the difference between him and everyoneelse in the lab and it sucked a little bit to see the man who he had startedseeing as more than a mentor and idol and superhero. The man who was fillingthat empty space in Peter’s heart where the loss of first his dad and then hisuncle had sat ever since he could remember. To see that man act encouraging andproud and soft and undeniably parental to other people as well.

Mister Stark liked taking care of people, he liked shaping the futureand helping smart guys achieve their goals. It was fine. He just had to keeptelling himself that.

It was fine. Finefinefinefi –

“Wanna tell me what’s gotten your panties in a twist, kid?”

That word again. That endearment that wasn’t his anymore. The traitor.

He glared, resentment bubbling over. “Don’t call me that.”

Mister Stark raised an eyebrow at him, head cocked to the side as if toanalyze him, to gaze right into Peter’s soul.

He didn’t want that.                            

“What?” hesnapped then sighed because acting like a petulant child certainly wasn’t theway to go to show his mentor he was worth mentoring. “Sorry. I’m just. I don’tknow – weird.”

At hiswords Tony’s whole posture seemed to melt. Where he had been scrutinizingunderstanding dawned and a softness covered his features that most peoplewouldn’t associate with Ironman.

Not Peter,though. For him this was familiar. This was the Tony he knew would always bethere to catch him, literally as well as metaphorically. The person who, justlike May and Ned, always had an open ear and a free shoulder to cry on wheneverhe came barreling in with too many emotions in his heart to keep them in.

And he hadbeen an idiot and an asshole for the better part of two weeks, all because ofhis own stupid insecurities and he knew his deflecting of inside jokes andphysical contact had hurt the man and he never wanted to hurt Mister Stark. Hehad promised himself he wouldn’t ever hurt him and -

Only whenTony scooted closer, put an arm around his shoulder and pulled him into hisside did he realize he was shaking and he gave way to the burning in his eyesthe second his face was buried into the soft fabric of Tony’s shirt and hisnose was filled with the calming scent of his mentor.

“Shh,” theman whispered, “it’s alright, you’re alright. I’ve got you.” All the while hishand kept rubbing circles into Peter’s back with just the right amount ofpressure to ground him in the moment.

He hatedbeing so weak, hated being so dependent on someone else to tell him it wouldall be okay but damn him if it didn’t feel good.

“Promise?”he sniffled when the body shaking sobs had died down and he could finallybreathe again and embarrassment hadn’t quite settled into his bones yet.

“Always.”

He soundedso certain, so sure beyond the shadow of a doubt that it would be okay andPeter couldn’t help but believe him.

“Now,” Tonycleared his throat, hand traveling up to cup the teenager’s neck ever sogently, “want to tell me what’s gotten you so on edge? I might be able tohelp.”

“No,” Petershook his head and buried deeper into the embrace, “it’s stupid anyway. And it’sfine, really, just my own overthinking and stuff.”

Figuredthat that wouldn’t be enough to soothe the man for whom the term overprotectivehad been invented.

“Is itabout the other interns? Is someone bothering you?”

“No,” hesqueaked then tried to keep his voice even as he repeated, “no. Like I said,it’s stupid.”

Tony hummedand that was never a good sign because it meant he was thinking and contrary topopular belief Tony Stark’s emotional intelligence was perceptive enough topick up on the smallest things when he really put his mind to it. Or maybe thatwas just in relation to Peter.

“Is itabout moving the lab to R&D?”

He sighed,knowing that he was fighting a lost battle but not quite ready to give up yetso he shrugged.

Someone,May probably, had apparently taught the billionaire that a shrug usually meant“yes, but I’d really rather it didn’t” because it didn’t take him much longerto piece together Peter’s deepest fear.

“You’rescared I’m replacing you with some of the other interns and you’re wonderingwhat on earth makes you so special.”

There was apause in which Peter could’ve denied or confessed it all but he did neither. Hestayed quiet and at some point Tony broke the silence again.

“The thingis, buddy-”

Peter’sheart both soared and broke at the conscious use of a different nickname.

“The thingis that I don’t care how smart everyone else is or how many new things theyinvent. That’s great, they’re happy and that’s good for SI and I’m happy theyget to find themselves in science and that I could help them by providing theresources. It’s beneficial for both sides, convenient.”

“But you?You’re my kid. And the whole superheroing and sciencing might’ve been whatbrought us together in the first place but if you were to take an interest inany other field then I’d move heaven and hell to give you everything I can toachieve your goals no matter how far out of my wheelhouse I am. You’re notconvenient, Peter. You’re not supposed to be, I don’t want you to be. I wantyou to figure out what and who you want to become. I want to be there everystep of the way, cheering you on from the sidelines and picking you up shouldyou ever fall.”

“But why-why me?” he asked, voice small and scared.

There was apause that almost felt heavy, like they breathed out more emotions with everyexhale, making the air thick with them. It wasn’t an uncomfortable feeling. Itwas familiar, revelatory even.

“Do youbelieve in fate, Pete? Because I do. I might not like the circumstances thatbrought us together but I’m forever going to be grateful that they did. When Iwent to Queens to pick up a superhero I didn’t imagine I’d get to meet such abright eyed, pure intentioned person. Someone who challenged the way I see theworld from the very first day. Someone inherently good and perfect. What dothey say? Came for Spider-Man, stayed for Peter Parker.”

Despiteeverything he let out a huff at the attempt of a joke, reveling in the wayMister Stark’s body moved when his did. Like they were one heart, supposed toact as a single unit.

“What’sspecial about you, Peter, is everything. From the animate way you watch movies,over the ridiculous amount of time you spend dissecting your food and yoursmarts down to your views and beliefs and kindness.”

“I loveyou, kid. Nothing anyone is ever going to do will be able to measure up tothat.”

[flyswhumpcenter]

Bad Things Happen Bingo! The event where you send me requests according to this marvelous card!

My friend and I7-suffering pal @nehamerchant123 (wow Tumblr thanks for sucking even more than a character in an André Gide novel) requested the Izumi brothers + “Big Brother Instinct” (the very reason why I picked it in my form, sorry not sorry)! Knowing me and my tendency to write Izumi bro angst, she went there and I went there lmao.

Content warnings: obsessive fan behaviour/stalking (inspired by Kpop stans and other fandoms) and spoilers up to IDOLiSH7 Part 2 Chapter 1. If you want to go unspoiled into the second season, I’d advise you not to read this one.

Edge of the Razor

Summary: All fans aren't nice people, and all breaks aren't nice to take. (Or: someone isn't happy about how her favorite idols are going, and decides to act upon it. With a weapon.)

Fandom: IDOLiSH7 Relationships: Iori & Mitsuki

Wordcount: 2.8K words

Event organized by @badthingshappenbingo

AO3 version available here.

Being the older sibling was sometimes tougher than single children would expect at first glance. It was a life filled with fears and anxiety: expectations, duties, goals and being a role model were all part of the course one couldn’t be responsible for being a part of.

Usually, it was mundane things: tell your little siblings not to let go off your hand when they’re very small when you’re in a crowd, speak to them about growing up and puberty, show them the ropes of the fun stuff your parents wouldn’t tell you about… and feel like a failure when you see them be better than you in every single field you’ve ever stepped a foot in.

Well, perhaps that last thing wasn’t every older sibling’s reality, but it sure had been Mitsuki’s ever since his little brother could do as much as talk.

 A lot of people would have rather talked about Iori than about him. The former was everything a parent would want to raise: easily disciplined, wise beyond his years, good at everything school-related and outside of school too, mature and sharp. There was no way around it: Iori was simply a much, much better version of him.

That didn’t prevent Mitsuki from having a few issues with him. That kid would always meddle with his dream of becoming an idol or with, well, everything! Baking? Oh, it’d be better if you did that. Redecorating his room? It’d be handier if you placed the furniture that way instead. Practicing dancing and singing for the next audition he’d fail anyway? Perhaps you should watch that idol unit before, if you listened closer to the song, etc, etc. It was hard not to get fed up with this after a while.

 However, that was all petty banter these days, right? He had achieved his dream: being an idol. He didn’t even have to throw Iori under the hype train as he did so: they had both gotten in, in the same unit. The world was finally smiling on him, didn’t it? About time! That meant the kid could stop meddling with his dream or, at least, it wouldn’t be as noticeable as it used to be.

In fact, they had bonded over being part of this unit again. Mitsuki had finally been able to be the big brother he had always sought to be, comforting his sibling when he forgot to sing and triggering one of their biggest group hugs to this day. It had been better for their relationship, but alas, being an idol was a risky occupation and he would rediscover that soon enough.

 The centre switch had been… quite the event, to say the least. This had created a rift in the middle of their fanbase: there were centre Riku fans, centre Iori fans, fans who wanted to see other members be the centre instead… It seemed like their “Perfection Gimmick” setup truly hadn’t pleased everyone, as temporary as it was. Anxiety had settled among their ranks because of that, but they decided to stick together and get through the storm united.

However, that wasn’t the case for their fanbase, and it was made abundantly clear on forums and video comments alike. They could get violent at times against each other, but also against the members themselves. It was all verbal violence, of course.

Or was it just words spelt out in cold letters on phone and computer screens?

 It had all seemed kind of surreal to them, for the first few days of this ongoing switch. It just felt like having some nasty comments about some of them, albeit there was already some discord between them because of it. It’d get better, right? They couldn’t disband from just some dissatisfied fans’ reactions to a sudden change. It’d be fine.

Perhaps Mitsuki had believed in their fans too much. He had always seen them as the nice middle school girls from the plaza or the young women having supported them since their very beginnings for some of them. They had to be nice people who would understand. Right? Well, he’d have to soon revise that judgement.

 Going undercover in the streets wasn’t too uncommon for them. They’d wear paper-thin disguises, sure, and some fans would recognize them, but they usually didn’t get into much troubles when they did so. It was a way to remember they were still humans and that this adventure could, sadly, stop suddenly at any given moment if they weren’t careful enough. It was a tough life he was always ready to face.

Fame came with that price of being recognized in the streets, after all. It usually was a pleasant experience: exchanging quick words with fans, taking selfies, getting some precious (and direct) feedback was anything but bad for them. Alas, there were times where it wasn’t the case. Times Mitsuki honestly didn’t want to believe could happen to them.

 It seemed to be a regular afternoon. He was out with Iori to buy the guys some drinks during a training session, nothing out of the ordinary. It was calm outside, not much going on even for a school-less day, everything was just fine, wasn’t it?

They had come across a couple fans, some of which hadn’t noticed them, when one of them seemed insistent in particular. That was displeasing to see: being followed around was an annoyance at first, then a chore, then turned into full-on creepy behaviour. Mitsuki had to say something: if Iori’s face indicated anything, it was that he felt uncomfortable, yet was determined to make it to the agency without causing a fuss. Too calm for his own good, huh.

 “Hey, you!” Mitsuki bolted in that creep’s direction once and for all. “What’s your deal?! You’re being a creep!!”

“Big brother,” Iori put a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t scream like that. We’ll get in trouble.”

“We’re already in trouble,” the older sibling replied before looking back at the third wheel. “Stop following us around like that! We’re humans too, y’know!”

The chick, a black-haired and brown-eyed teenage girl around Iori’s age, simply stared at the latter in silence.

“If you don’t leave us alone, we’re gonna call the cops on you!”

 Despite all the threats he’d make, Mitsuki had to admit something: it didn’t goddamn work! Why was she being such a creepo anyway?! Did she get off to that shit in secret or what? Words didn’t work: perhaps it was time to simply call anyone to act on her. Standing here speaking menacingly wouldn’t do anything.

Taking a glance at her showed she was a huge Riku fan: her phone’s charm, her keychains, her jacket’s pins and her purse’s zippers all were showing Riku’s face or a red double sharp. If she was a Riku fanatic like that, why was she following them? It had to do with Iori, sure, but was it any positive or negative? In such times…

It had very little chance to be any positive.

 “I don’t want you to be the centre,” she said in a monotonous voice, staring right into the younger idol’s eyes.

“That’s an opinion shared by a lot of fans,” Iori tried to calm the game down. “I’m afraid this will last for a bit longer. I never intended and still don’t intend on replacing Nanase forever.”

“Too honest for his own kind” wasn’t an exact match, in this situation. Mitsuki could easily see Iori was speaking that way exactly because he was afraid and under pressure rather than because he wanted to apologize. The fact they were trapped by walls in a small street didn’t help.

“I don’t care about that! You should have never been centre in the first place! You’re nothing compared to my sweet Riku!! I don’t want to see you in his place!!”

That must had hit Iori somewhere, considering the distorted expression on his face. He’d have usually tried to remain calm in face of such a situation.

“Hey,” Mitsuki attempted to chime in, “c’mon now! That’s just mean! Iori’s trying his best you know!”

“Well, if he’s tried, then he’s fucked up,” she simply replied as she went to grab something in her bag. The older idol was this close to grab the pepper spray bottle he always had in his sweat’s pocket. That was becoming too dangerous.

 The chick pulled out a fucking cutter from her bag and pointed it at Iori, holding it like it was the harmful weapon she intended to use it as on them.

“Are you fucking mad?!” Mitsuki let out in a scream, hoping people would hear him too.

“Sometimes, you gotta do what you have to do,” she simply replied as she got closer to his brother’s throat. “Some people just won’t go away.”

 Okay, she was completely nuts. There was no way reasoning her. It wasn’t Mitsuki’s forte to be a third party anyway: his blood was boiling and he was retaining the urge to insult her because he was in public and in certain danger in this very situation. Iori didn’t seem like he wanted to be a mediator to such a situation: there were big drops of sweat pearling all over his temples.

“That’s enough! Get away from us, you fuckin’ psycho!!” Mitsuki attempted one last time to threaten her, using his deepest voice and harshest tone for this, but she still didn’t budge. She kept glaring at Iori with these menacing eyes.

 She launched herself off her feet with the cutter clenched in her hand, heading straight for the throat, clutching her teeth. Despite her inhuman velocity, Mitsuki had managed to leap into the fight before she could, preventing the knife from reaching Iori’s throat. It was dangerous and reckless, but his self-survival instinct had shut down as soon as he saw his brother having a real chance to die here and there, in this dark corner of a street to a fucking psycho.

 The cutter’s direction didn’t change much, though: when he slapped her hand out of that way, she instead opted for Iori’s broader chest area. In the confusion and heat of the moment, Mitsuki had fallen to the ground, taking her with him as he made her slip using his legs to sweep her off her feet. He would defend his brother to the very end and she needed to get that ingrained insider that little stalker brain of hers.

When he looked up, he noticed red dripping to the ground, right onto his hair and, soon, face. She had pulled the cutter out of a newfound wound. She had managed to cut his brother in the chest, deep enough for it to already be pouring out blood, right between his left arm and what he could assume to be his fucking heart. Iori’s breathing had heaved enough for it to be noticeable.

He wouldn’t forgive her for this.

 Mitsuki got up quickly, jumping to his feet, telling his brother to please muster up his strength and call an ambulance and the police or something. They were in a fucking pinch and she was insane enough to remain there after stabbing someone like that. It was even worse than that, in fact: when he glared at her, trying to keep his punches to himself, he noticed she was clutching onto the blooded blade and had that… crazed expression in her bloodshot eyes. She was clearly enjoying this.

“What’s the fuck is wrong with you?!” he screamed again, needing to let all that steam getting to his head. “How can you be happy about doing that?!”

“You don’t get it! I’m making Ainana better!”

“It’s just about whatever Ainana you wanna see?! There’s something missing inside that head of yours!”

 The psycho titled her head and stared at him as if he had been nonsensical all along.

“Stay out of my way.”

“Fuck no! I don’t tolerate killing people” around here!!”

His blood was boiling inside his veins.

“Why are you this angry? I’m just making things better. Ainana doesn’t need… that as their centre. Nor as a member.”

“Who are you calling that?! Iori?!”

 Something snapped inside his skull.

“We’re not objects! You can’t just decide to one day attempt murdering one of us just because we made a centre switch! For fuck’s sake, do you think of us as just props to amuse people?! You’ve been treating Iori as a fucking item all that time!! You’ve injured someone just for some idol unit!”

As much as Mitsuki loved being an idol and was an avid fan of the idol universe, this was fucking bullshit and he wouldn’t stand for this. She needed to understand and fucking pay.

 She clutched her cutter.

“You really don’t get it.”

“Why don’t I fucking get? You don’t make any sense!”

“He isn’t needed.”

“He is Iori, right?”

“Yes.”

 Something snapped even harder, the anger becoming a pounding heart and boiling thoughts of wanting to see that chick taste the floor already. It had gone from fiery and burning to strangely calm.

“I don’t give a damn if you think Iori’s unneeded. Nobody does, in fact. Our parents don’t. Our friends don’t. Other fans don’t. His classmates don’t. We have a life and you can’t just decide to end my brother’s life end like that just because you don’t like him as a centre or something. I won’t let you kill my brother in the name of some bullshit principle.”

Tears started to appear.

“You don’t get it. You don’t get why a brother would defend his sibling. You’re that unsympathetic and awful? You want me to watch not only a comrade die in front of me, but also my little brother?! Go fuck yourself, that ain’t happening on my watch!!”

 As psycho as she was, she was really fucking stupid: from the side of his view, he could see Iori had called the cops all along, his other hand resting on the cut he had taken to the chest, white shirt getting tinted in reds. His eyes were starting to get unfocused.

Fuck. This was turning into a disaster, and this bitch was still fucking ready to kill them both while she was at it.

 Before he could even think about it, as soon as he saw her get a more forward glance, he leaped at her, making her slam the ground as he pinned her. That wasn’t before she had her chance at getting a hit on him: the pain of getting stabbed right under his ribs in his fall was late to arrive. He kept a scream inside, shaking her hand with his so she’d drop her goddamn weapon already.

When she did, he allowed himself to just grab and get up from her. She had been knocked out by the shock anyway, her head having slammed the ground just as hard as her back had. Stumbling on his own feet, Mitsuki fell to the floor, back against a wall, right next to Iori sitting next to him.

 “Where… where are the cops…?” he asked, voice weakened.

“Near enough for me to hear some sirens,” Iori replied with what sounded like a cautious tone, before looking at him again. “Big brother, how are you?”

At this question, Mitsuki scoffed. “Isn’t the answer obvious…? I just got stabbed… That hurts like hell…”

“I had figured… I didn’t know the centre switch would upset people this badly…”

“Nah, it’s more than just some Riku-obsessed asshole… That girl was just psycho at that point… Don’t even try blaming this fiasco all on you, Iori…”

“Then on who?”

“Her, entirely her…”

 Despite the utter pain and the discomforting feeling of having your blood drained by an injury, he still managed to speak. He needed to keep Iori and himself awake until help arrived.

“Y’know, you can let yourself speak like someone injured. I can tell you’re trying to sound solid, but you’re zoning out… Just speak to me for now, okay?”

His brother’s unfocused eyes turned to him again.

“Did you know she could injure you?”

“Who wouldn’t? She was armed and had already hit you…”

“So you jumped to…” His face distorted as he seemed to have realized something horrific, “…protect me? Why?”

“You’re still asking? Because I’m your big brother, that’s all… It’s my mission to protect my younger sibling, isn’t it…?”

 Mitsuki gave his little brother a weak smile, yet the biggest he could make, which got met by tears and  a sudden embrace. It was weak, kind of awkward in that regard, but the emotion was there and so was the intention.

“Heh, Iori… don’t cry… It’ll be fine…”

No direct response. Silence was enough. As long as neither of them would go cold, it’d be just fine.

 Red and blue lights soon drowned the scene as people barged into the scene. Impossible to hear or see anything decently. Oh well, it was all over now.

It’d be fine.

[1rosex]

Yoongi Scenario: Meeting his famous s/o after a long time

Request: Hello! I’m sorry that this might be a bit long but I was wondering if you could do a Yoongi imagines where he meets his S/O after a long time of being apart from one another. I was thinking that maybe the S/O is equally as successful but maybe in a slightly different industry (modeling lol idk) that is still similar enough that both understand the struggle of keeping up a public persona? Idk I just like the idea of two people with the same footing in life choosing to be together not because they idolized one another’s public appearance but because they admire one another’s dedication and drive to achieve their goals? Sorry this was so long! 😖

Genre: flUff

Pairing: Yoongi x reader

A/N IM SO SO SORRY. It took me forever to get to this ;;

You opened the door expecting the sun to shine down on you, but instead you were greeted by a bright flash. You blinked in surprise and took a step back as several more flashes began to go off. Suddenly your name was being called from all directions, followed by a flood of questions.

You soon realized it was interviewers and photographers, trying to shove mics at you and make themselves heard over the swarm of other voices. Security moved past you and began to back people up so you could walk.

You smiled and waved, trying to answer as many questions as you could while trying to get to your taxi.

You had just landed in Los Angeles after completeling a shoot in Florida. When you got the one of a time modeling AND acting offer in Florida, you knew you had to accept. You loved doing both, and you managed both well. It was an amazing company, they paid well and boosted your popularity by a thousand. Unfortunately, that also meant your work had become more chaotic and time consuming. The pressure really cracked down on you, you were mentally and emotionally drained from all the effort you had put in to fit the public figure you were supposed to be. But your work in Florida was over and you jumped at the first chance to see your boyfriend. Min Yoongi, another star who’s popularity had gone through the roof and given him an overflowing schedule. You remember the nights in your hotel, when you used your free time to scroll through social media. All the news reporters claiming that Yoongi and you had broken up, though you knew that wasn’t true. You just didnt have time.

Until now.

Your arrival had been quiet until you stepped outside into the mass of paparazzi, but you managed to make it to your taxi while still giving them what they wanted. Once the door of the cab closed, you sighed with relief at the silence that pursued. You loved your work, you loved your fans, but you also loved Yoongi and just wanted to see him as soon as possible.

As if on cue, your phone suddenly started to ring with an incoming call from the rapper.

“Hello?” You answered.

“You did not tell me you were coming to LA.” Yoongi’s voice came over the phone.

“Oh, I’m in LA.” You stated.

“Funny. I’m at our hotel right now, have to go to a photo shoot soon. We’re going to grab some pizza to eat afterwards, meet me then?” He asked. You nodded enthusiastically before realising he couldn’t see you.

“Yeah, sounds good.” You said.

“Y/N you better hurry, Yoongi missed you!” You heard Jimin’s voice say followed by Yoongi yelling something incoherent, the sound of rustling and Jimin laughing as he ran away. After a few moments, Yoongi returned to the phone. “Dont mind him, I’ll see you Y/N.”

…

You hurried down the sidewalk, trying to avoid any more fan encounters. You headed to DeSano Pizza Bakery, the place Yoongi had texted you to meet him. Arriving at the doorway, you checked your reflection in the glass door before stepping inside. The smell of bread wafted through the air, the sound of baking coming from the kitchen and light chatter coming from the other customers. Yoongi was seated with the rest of the members at one of the tables waiting on their pizza. You could only stare at him for a few minutes before making your presence known, he had definitely changed. This was the first time you had seen Yoongi’s blue hair in person since you’d left, his sharper jawline, his brighter clothes, but everything you loved about him was still there. He looked up, finally seeing you at the entrance. Yoongi’s eyes widened and he immideatedly got to his feet as he hurried towards you. You rushed towards him and as you two met, he pulled you into a big hug. He spun you around, nestling his head into your neck while his hands found their way to the small of your back. You hugged back just as tightly, inhaling the scent of his cologne that you had missed for so long. The other members all broke out into cheers and claps, teasing the two of you but Yoongi didn’t care. He was just glad to see you again.

“I missed you.” He said when he finally pulled away from the embrace.

“Wow. You’re admitting a deep affectionate feeling? Where’s Yoongi?” You joked as he gave you his iconic gummy smile.

“Just shut up and eat pizza with me.”

…

You tried to step outside after finishing your pizza, only to be bombarded with questions from the interviewers that seemed to appear from thin air. Yoongi stood besides you, accompanied by the other members who smiled at the cameras and waved.

“Wow Y/N’s famous.” Hoseok smiled.

“Oh please. They’re here for you.” You laughed, waving at one of the cameras that focused on you.

“Whoever they’re here for, lets just hurry and get home.” Jungkook whined, though he made sure no one heard and kept his smile on. You know they must get tired of attention too, they were held to high standards. You always admired Yoongi for being able to handle the attention, he never failed to appear confident. None of them ever did. You just hurried to the taxi, trying to avoid being stopped and aching to rest at the hotel. The rest of the boys followed your lead, and you were finally out of the public eye once again.

…

Both Yoongi and you ended up getting hungry at the hotel at 11 PM and were creeping through the halls trying to get downstairs to the cafeteria.

“I cant believe you couldn’t wait until tomorrow.” Yoongi groaned behind you.

“You were the one complaining about your stomach growling!” You said accusingly while Yoongi shook his head.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He stated, you could only shake your head. 

“You were quick to get out of the crowd back there.” Yoongi said suddenly, and you turned to look at him in question. “The interviewers back at the pizza place. You didn’t seem to want to stay.”

“.. Why wouldn’t you want to leave?” You asked him.

“What do you mean?” Yoongi raised an eyebrow at you.

“It must be hard on you. You know. You have so many fans and for everyone to pay so much attention to everything you do..” You trailed off.

“Yeah.. Yeah you’re right. But you’re pretty popular too you know.”

“I am not.” You laughed.

“Oh come on, yeah you are. I guess it’s the price to pay for doing what you love.”

A comfortable silence fell between the two of you as you began to head down the flights of stairs, the lights on the wall the only promise you two wouldn’t miss a step. Then Yoongi broke the quiet with his teasing words.

“I wonder what they’d say if they knew Y/N’s actually a brat.”

You scoffed. “I wonder what they’d say if they Yoongi’s actually a huge scaredy cat.”

“I wonder what they’d say if they knew Y/N is actually a big weirdo.”

“I wonder what they’d say if they knew Yoongi’s actually a big softie.”

Yoongi smirked as he stopped walking to pull you to him.

“They’d probably say Y/N’s one lucky girl.”

[chorusfm]

Now, Now Announce New Album; Stream New Song

Now, Now will release their new album, Saved, on May 18th. Today they’ve debuted the new song, “AZ,” via Fader along with a new interview with the band: “We’ve never had a summer-feeling album before, and I wanted it out to come out in the summer,” Brad says, and Saved certainly does sound like prime festival-season music — the kind of album that’s all but guaranteed to propel Now, Now to greater heights of visibility than ever before. Ironic, perhaps, when considering that the pressures of impending success made the album nearly impossible to complete. You can stream the song below, along with the full press release. Pre-orders will be up soon. Oh, and don’t sleep on this band and album. Trust me on that one. Now, Now are thrilled to announce the release date for Saved, their highly anticipated new full-length album, due out May 18th on Trans Records. The Minneapolis duo comprised of KC Dalager and Brad Hale have been hinting at the follow up to their critically acclaimed 2012 LP Threads for the past several months. They’ve tempted their fans with the release of singles “SGL,” which landed at #1 and #7 on “Best Songs of 2017” lists for Idolator and NPR Music respectively, and “Yours,” on which Pitchfork say Now, Now accomplished “a hallmark of a great pop song,” on account of “its ability to inflate the most unassuming feelings into towering sound.” They also paid a visit to NPR Music’s “Tink Desk” where they recorded intimate stripped down versions of each single. Today, they share new single “AZ” along with an in-depth interview on the making of Saved with FADER. In the coming weeks Now, Now will perform at SXSW and set sail on the Paramore PARAHOY! cruise before embarking on a tour across the UK and Europe. All upcoming tour dates are listed below. The title of Now, Now’s first new album in half a decade begs the obvious question… Saved from what? They certainly didn’t seem like a band that needed saving after the release of their 2012 LP Threads. When the world last heard from Now, Now, they had made their late night TV debut with Jimmy Fallon, and landed tours and shows with bands including Fun. and Bob Mould, among others. For better or worse, the usual path for any band that seems like they’re on the cusp of a break through is to strike while the iron is hot. That is, to hurry back to the studio to work with a proven producer known for having a hand in a few big records. Bands and artists that find themselves in this situation are compelled to “go big, or go home,” and in Now, Now’s case they did just that, they went home. It might not have been planned that way, but that’s where they ended up– back in Minneapolis without a clear sense of how to move forward. Despite any success or acclamation earned up to that point, self-doubt set in, and a crippling writers block entrenched itself further. Weeks became months, and months dissolved into years, all while the band’s modest but fervent fanbase were left to speculate on social media as to what was behind the silence. At a particularly low point relates KC, “I felt like I was pursuing the wrong dream, that maybe something else would reveal itself to me.” She felt pressure from both herself and those around her so immense that it froze her. “It felt like everyone was mistaking how much I was obsessing over the album for not caring about the album, but in reality I was putting too much pressure on myself to be able to write. So it felt like everyone was angry with me on top of me feeling like I was ruining my career and disappointing myself.” As a result she reveals, “I had some very difficult conversations with myself and with people close to me who were worried about my happiness.” “I still carry a little bit of guilt for adding to that stress that KC is talking about,” reveals Brad. “After a year of people around us asking ‘why is the album not done, your career is about to just be over,’ I as well started to question my career choice, to question my talent, and I started buying into this idea that KC wasn’t working, even though I was right there watching her work. That’s something I’m embarrassed by and wish I could take back. But through that we got stronger as friends and collaborators, and I learned the hard way that the only reason we make music is for ourselves.” Following a few years of frustration and introspection however, the ice began to crack while tracking the single “SGL.” “The production on that song was completely different at first,” recalls Brad. “It didn’t have that main acoustic guitar part, and it never felt right. But one day I picked up an acoustic, turned off all the guitars we had already recorded and just played, and that came out. It felt so natural. It was also the first time I felt KC be excited about hearing the way her voice sounded. There was suddenly a new confidence in the way she sung her words.” As trying as it was for Now, Now, and as baffling as it may have seemed to those on the outside looking in, this intense period of self-examination ended up bringing us the record we have today. No doubt a better one than might have come to pass had they managed to turn one around more quickly. The pair that had met in marching band and begun writing and recording songs together over a decade ago as teens, hadn’t yet been forced to set aside time to discover themselves. It was something they needed to do before they could advance. Part of that discovery process involved their sound as well. “It took me a lot of time to explore different production techniques to really find what worked for us,” says Brad, who in between Threads and Saved further developed his skill set behind the boards through a solo record under the moniker Sombear and work with other artists. “Figuring out how to make my voice sound has been a pivotal piece of us finding our sound again too,” explains KC. “We also tried to keep everything as timeless as possible. We are very influenced by classic pop and classic songwriting, and were inspired by the power and sustainability those types of songs have.” The guiding principle on Saved they agree, was to trust themselves and to not turn away from anything just because it was too far removed from their past material. “I was definitely scared at the start of the process to go outside of that box,” says Brad, “but I wanted to so bad. Once we really followed our own vision is really when things started coming together quickly.” “I know it’s been a long road,” says KC, “ but I wouldn’t change any part of it. If we had put an album out right after Threads, we wouldn’t have gone through that period of self-discovery. I think we would’ve continued to stifle our emotions and hide the fact that we were struggling as much as we were. We needed to hit rock bottom. In order to rebuild and come back stronger than before. I think we might have made an album that was timid and vague and unchallenging. But I know that’s not what we were meant to do.” Saved is anything but “timid and vague,” boasting the most direct songwriting and transparent lyrics the band have ever written by a mile. “I’d never felt comfortable being myself. I always felt like I needed to hide behind something,” says KC. “‘Back to the heart of it all’ from the song ‘AZ’ is the most important conceptual lyric for this album. This is the most exposed I’ve ever been lyrically. I’ve never been this open.” It’s also no small coincidence that the lyric speaks to the pair’s return to their writing and recording roots as well. While they initially started out in the studio, after completing “SGL” they finished the rest of Saved while working on ideas and tracking the album in their basements together, just as they had on their first recordings back in high school. When everything was done, with a fair bit of relief they sent the record on to Andy Park in Seattle for mixing. The only people who know the full extent of the meaning behind Saved’s title are Brad and KC, but it’s clear to see that salvation for them, at least in part, involved escaping the constraints of their own hangups and insecurities. All so that they might be free to grow into the people and artists we see and hear today on their new album. After such an arduous process, “it’s been really validating to see people on the internet and hear people at shows say they feel like the new songs are exactly the way they hoped we’d go,” says KC. “We’re lucky to have fans that care not only about the music, but about us as people,” adds Brad. “It blows my mind to hear people tell us their different stories about how they found out about us. It’s those moments that really keep me going. We feel really lucky that people connect with our music in such a deep and personal way.” --- Please consider supporting us so we can keep bringing you stories like this one. ◎ https://chorus.fm/news/now-now-announce-new-album-stream-new-song/

[lets-get-fictional]

Do you have any tips on writing an insecure oc with low self esteem issues. (About weight, academics, intelligence, appearance etc(

Hi there! Thanks so much for your question! It’s great that you want to build nuanced, relatable characters, portraying them with insecurity. 

Insecure Characters

When writing a character with insecurity, I think a lot of it comes down to how the character views themselves in relation to other people. This, however, is portrayed very differently based on whether or not this is a viewpoint character - so I’ll go in-depth with both. Be that as it may, there are a few things that apply in either case. Insecurity is often rooted in the character’s perception of other people, whether this be a past experience that led them to this way of thinking, or an ongoing situation that perpetuates this low self-esteem. So in either case, the insecurity of a character has to be expressed through their relationships, in comparing themselves to others. This can either be an outward expression, actively conveying contempt for other people for being better than them in some aspect, or this can be a very hidden aspect of the character, something they don’t reveal to others very often.

Viewpoint Characters

    One of the strongest ways to express the insecurity of a character if they are the viewpoint character is through their discussion about the people around them, subsequently comparing these people to themselves. For example, your character may have a friend, or a sibling, or even an enemy that they perceive to be better than they in some aspect. So, when your character talks about this person, their thoughts and voice will reflect the reverence they have for them, revealing their own insecurity. There are a couple aspects of this that I will go into:

Thoughts

- Your OC’s thoughts should be rich in their descriptions of other people to showcase this insecurity. However, it doesn’t have to be super explicit: simple word choice can make a huge difference. If your OC refers to another character in their thoughts with grander description than they do themselves, this can make their insecurities implied, without the character coming off as whiny or repetitive.

- The idolization of another character can also be effective, having a specific figure that your OC looks up to and wants to model themselves after, and therefore is constantly reprimanding themselves for not being just like their idol.

- Negative self-talk is definitely a big one. This doesn’t have to revolve around any other character in the story, and can be focused purely on the OCs perception of their supposed flaws/weaknesses. Taking any mistakes this character makes, and having them blow it up in their mind to make it bigger and scarier than what it actually is. Additionally, a tendency to focus on all of their negative aspects, with little acknowledgement of their positive traits and any good things they may have done. Impressive things they’ve done often go unnoticed in their own minds, and they don’t give themselves enough credit, even when credit is due.

Dialogue/Actions

- I want to go more into dialogue in the second section, but here especially I want to talk about balancing the difference between your characters inner thoughts (see above) versus what they say out loud, and how this will differ based on personality/who they’re speaking to/the specific situation/etc. A lot of this comes down to your characters relationships with others, and whether these are relationships of trust/respect/disdain/etc.

- It is very important as a writer to know the distinction between how your character views themselves, and how the other characters view them, as it will affect every interaction, every piece of dialogue, everything about how the story progresses.

- Some characters (ie. Bakugou Katsuki of My Hero Academia, Lilo of Lilo & Stitch) express their insecurities outward. For example, by way of aggression - they lash out when they feel they’re being attacked, whether the attack be verbal or physical, and respond with their own form of weaponry by way of self protection. Or, in other words, feigning confidence, that in some cases can bleed into arrogance. No one is allowed to see that they are insecure, no one is allowed to see what they’re afraid of. This is made even more powerful if you have choice scenes later on down the line, where this veil of confidence is broken under pressure, in a high intensity situation, revealing to others at least part of the truth about why they act the way that they do.

- Tying back to the dialogue: When you have a character that chooses to lash out at others due to their own insecurity, it provides a sharp contrast to their inner monologue about themselves, providing a lot of tension. It is less likely that the other characters will pick up on their insecurity, and then you have a sort of dramatic irony effect because the reader knows how the insecurity is really affecting your OC in the face of whatever antagonist it is that they have to face, while the other characters may not.

- Other characters (ie. Violet Parr of The Incredibles) express their insecurities inward. Instead of lashing out, they prefer to close in on themselves, shrinking into the background to avoid being noticed, as opposed to putting on a show of confidence to hide said self-doubt. They may or may not be aware that this is putting their insecurities moreso on display, but it just as much as a defense mechanism as lashing out. They hide in the background to protect themselves from being judged, made fun of, or for fear of doing some wrong or messing up. 

- In this case, it is more likely that the other characters will learn very quickly that this person is unsure of themselves, which will change how they interact with them. Again, very dependent upon individual personalities.  

Non-Viewpoint Characters

    Insecurities are not always easily/readily noticeable in other people. A person can seem sure of themselves, confident, even cocky, but keep their insecurities hidden away, often as a defense mechanism, to avoid showing weakness, or burdening others with their worries. And if you’re not using your OC as a viewpoint character, you don’t have the benefit of the inner monologue to make these insecurities explicit, which means all of it will have to come through through the dialogue and their actions. To say it again: everyone deals with insecurity differently, so there is more than one way to portray it.

Dialogue/Actions

- I’m going to be referring back to the two broad models I discussed in the Viewpoint Characters section, as the same archetypes still apply.

- For those characters who express their insecurities outward, the dialogue ought to sound more confident, more sure of itself, unless you’re having a more vulnerable moment, which should be considerably rare to maintain a certain amount of impact. These sorts of characters may like to dominate a conversation to make sure that no one is underestimating them, and they may be likely to project their insecurities onto other people, reverting to throwing insults, name-calling, etc. in a show of asserting dominance. Or, if they’re less aggressive, less loud, then they hold their own in a conversation despite insecurity. Think Aragorn of Lord of the Rings. He didn’t think he was at all fit to be the ruler of men, couldn’t understand for the life of him why he’d been chosen - but he acted outward instead of inward, working in spite of his insecurity instead of because of it.

- One technique is to have the character constantly deflecting away from the topic of their insecurity in conversation, to avoid any sort of intimate discussion. They constantly claim that they can handle it, that they have everything under control, even though on the inside they’re terrified. This can be done either for their own sake, to prevent everyone else from finding them weak, or this can be done for the sake of others, providing strength to their peers by being strong themselves.

- For example, you can have a character who is super supportive to other characters, always boosting everybody else up, when in secret they could be constantly worried about how they look, how they measure up in strength or intelligence to the rest of their peers, any number of things. No one exists without a little insecurity, even those who may seem sure of themselves without having to step on everyone else’s toes to feel that way.

- They are more likely to challenge other characters, whether with malice or nobility, eager and ready to put themselves out there.

- For some, this means stepping on those they believe to be inferior, or rather, treating others as if they are inferior in an attempt to make themselves feel better. Not all outward expressing characters do this, but it can be effective for some.

- For those characters who express their insecurities inward, their dialogue is likely to be more reserved. Their low self-esteem has rendered them somewhat trapped in their own fear - either preventing them from taking action, or causing them to take action in the direction away from whatever they are afraid of. So if your character is insecure about their intelligence level, and is afraid of being seen as unintelligent, or ignorant, then they will run from any situation that will put them on the spot to make use of their intelligence, or that would allow others to scrutinize what they know. They are likely to dodge these situations, and avoid volunteering to take take part in related activities.

- They are less likely to be confrontational, especially in the presence of those they admire, or those who they consider superior, for fear of being attacked for what they’re unconfident about.

A final note: This is all dependent as well upon the personality of your OC. Insecurity manifests differently in everyone, and everyone both deals with and expresses their insecurities differently. So depending on the defining traits this character has, you can play on their self-esteem in many ways, and try out different techniques to see what really works for both you and the character.

Thanks so much again for your question, I hope this was helpful to you! If you have any other questions, don’t hesitate to shoot us an ask.

Good luck, and happy writing!

- Mod Daenerys

If you need advice on general writing or fanfiction, you should maybe ask us!