#why am i still sharing this drivel?

[igotsnothing]

Nothatanyonecaresintheleast, BUT! I DID THE THING!

Here's the final tally of the Update versus My Sanity:

Game loaded but lashes were broken and some custom wallpapers were busted! It's OK! I was PREPARED! I reverted back to DX9 and updated all my beautiful Kijiko lashes because Sasha's personality is basically his eyelashes, so I am eternally grateful to @kijiko-sims (やあ！アップデートありがとう！さいこうです！🥰それに、かんじがわかりません。😅)

UPDATE 0 - ME 1

Went to check out Ciudad Enamorada. There were duplicate worlds, so I exited without saving, removed my mods folder, and ran repair in my game.

UPDATE 0 - ME 2!

BUT THEN! When I removed my mods folder to my desktop, my system told me I already had such a folder and I merely x-fered new files to the pre-existing folder and then my 'puter deleted the mods folder from the game instead of recycling because it's such a honking large folder. When I opened the game, the duplicate problem was solved but then the world wouldn't even load and I had a million exception alerts and I thought I had screwed myself over and was going to shit a brick.

INCOMPETENT ME 100- ME 2

Thankfully, I realized the old folder still had some outdated versions of big mods alongside the updated ones. I deleted them and now everything seems to work. Everyone looks right and hopefully that's it.

UPDATE 0 - ME 3 (As of right now. Hopefully, there will be no further developments affecting this tally, omg pleasepleaseplease)

Thank you for coming to this riveting account of updating my game.

[taggedmemes]

SENTENCE MEME BALDUR'S GATE 3 / PART ONE

i think you're past the point of saving.

together we might survive.

get me out of this damn thing.

we have no time for stragglers.

do you intend to die for a stranger?

i thought that damn thing was going to be my coffin.

you keep dangerous company.

we can watch each other's backs along the way.

enough of this chatter.

who put you in charge?

i'll trust my own judgement.

a miracle, given everything you've been through.

it'll all be for nothing if you don't find help soon.

you're alive. i'm alive. how is this possible?

seems like we're the lucky ones, judging by all the corpses strewn about.

anything's an improvement on where we just came from.

'we'? you want to stay together?

we need each other.

i can't think of better company.

i wanted to thank you again.

you should be furious, shouldn't you?

kill it yourself — you look capable enough.

i was hoping for a kind soul.

let's try to keep that lovely neck of yours in one piece.

no need for this to get messy.

i need her alive.

and to think i was ready to decorate the ground with your innards.

please, allow me to introduce myself.

of course it'll turn me into a monster.

you should travel with me.

our odds are better together.

i was ready to go this alone.

maybe sticking with the herd isn't such a bad idea.

you seem like a useful person to know.

let's hope any future acquaintances don't hold a blade to your throat by way of introduction.

no harm in a little mystery.

conversation shouldn't be made, it should be grown.

maybe i'd like to get to know you better.

i'm usually better at this.

couldn't have phrased it more repellently myself.

you don't happen to be a cleric, by any chance? a doctor, surgeon? uncannily adroit with a knitting needle?

it's not exactly a common affliction.

a parasite shared is a parasite halved.

you're both twice as tall as me but have half the bloody backbone.

no point getting killed.

second worm gets the cheese and all.

nobody's getting any damn cheese.

she obviously sees your kindness as weakness.

don't let her take advantage.

a simply 'thank you' wouldn't go amiss.

your friends abandoned you.

i've got plenty of friends who aren't soft.

let's just hope she reserves those impulses for any common foes.

what a curious way to awaken.

what is the worth of a single mortal's life?

something the matter?

you must have thoughts about our little stowaways.

thinking about it won't help.

i suppose we'd go our separate ways — not a slight on your company, of course.

no reason for us to not stay together if we get on well.

if we do survive, we'll have separate lives to return to.

let's just say it's a very person, very private acquaintance.

you're not the kind of company i'd keep willingly.

perhaps i'll return the favor at some point.

she's delightful, in a very 'look at me twice and i'll dismember you' kind of way.

i understand much beyond your comprehension.

you'd do well to observe more and question less.

and they didn't cut you from navel to neck?

i am still getting used to people like you.

that large, fleshy nose of yours looks like a mistake.

best to keep quiet, lest any drivel leak from your lips.

i do not intend to stay long in this place.

may your actions express the same mettle.

anomalies lead to surprises.

what hasn't happened may yet come to pass.

not a collaboration i'd have anticipated.

can't you tell me something real about you?

i have a great respect for privacy, especially my own.

i have a very disciplined mind.

those tricks won't work on me.

please don't try that again unless i invite you to.

we meet again, as predicted.

care to explain why you're helping me?

what kind of services can a skeleton offer?

a monster forms inside us, and you care to be idle?

i knew your kind to be fragile.

don't you know an exhausted warrior is an ineffective one?

it's a thickheaded notion in a complex circumstance.

what were you two talking about?

if that was any of your business, we'd have called you over.

your business is mine.

we're entwined.

if we're to survive, we need to trust each other.

you seem reliable.

we're overdue some good fortune.

[cookies-super-secret-blog]

something something grow a pair and state thoughts on ai?

So, funny story, I made a post about this before, whenever the topic tag for it was trending. And like, I still stand by that, sans the part where I call the AI itself a form of art under my definition. A little bit after that, I saw a post, while definitely not in response to my own post, made the point that while we should hate AI art for the rampant theft of jobs and content, that its somehow bad to dislike it as Bad Art or Not Art because "gatekeeping art is baddd". Which like, in the context of someone drawing stick figures or painting giant blocks of color, is valid; we shouldn't gatekeep art from people. I still think AI doesn't deserve that privilege. Like, not to try and define art again, but, like hold on ket me grab something.

This is an ai generated adoptable from deiantart. Now, I have to ask, what's being expressed here- besides "cute girl in big hoodie (despite the one on the left not having a hoodie)"? Like it's easy to take these apart mechanically, but conceptually? It's somehow easier. Like, part of character design is visually communicating stuff about the character. There's nothing here besides anime girl in big outfit with minor armor details maybe? Like nothing else here is coherent! Like she looks sampled off of genshin and honkai characters but that's it. Like the cutains are just blue, and its dull and boring because of it. Why is the jacket neon green? The prompter wanted it that way. Why does she have the shoulder pieces and the case she's holding? Because the prompter likely put "battle girl" and/or "solarpunk" into the prompt. And it's not bad to have design elements for the sake of it, but the ai can't do anything but that, and the content it generates suffers because of it. There's no artistic value there, imo.

Now, not to toot my own horn, but here's my take on this design:

This is still a "cute girl in a big lime green jacket", but there's more to it. It's a high visibility jacket, with stripes reminiscent of construction vests. In the other doodles on the page, this high visibility theme is expanded to a theme of her being some kind of rescue personnel, and/or an angel (see; the halo in the bottom right). While it's fairly easy for me to point these themes out- it is what I intended- I'd still argue an obersever would be able to point out similar, or other themes and motifs that bring this character together.

No ammount of prompts and generation models can recreate that. Even if the prompter had the exact same intent I had when making the og ai content, that intent doesn't come across whatsoever. Because AI cannot replicate human intent and artistic processes.

These image generators register to me as the miserable end point of the sad, art-illiterate belief that art only is, and is only meant to "look pretty". Every time modern art is decried as "ugly and pointless", another prompter gets validated in their shameless attempts to assert their narrow-as-fuck vosion of what art is.

Art is human. Art is messy, art is intricate, art is sloppy, art is beautiful and art is ugly.

No machine on earth can comprehend or replicate that. And the ceasless attempts to commodify and capitalize on art have made some people forget that fact. The kinds of people who prompt really only see art as a gimmick product, pretty knickknacks that will make them rich quick.

For lack of better terms, the dehumanization of art itself is disgusting, and so like hell am I going to consider AI's mass-produced, slot machine-esque, drivel as art.

And I will not be guilted by other people on this hellsite who think its a moral failure to call mindless content what it is because its dressed up in distorted frills and anime girl boobs.

Art is human, and AI is not human. And what a sad world it is, that we're automating and strangling human creation, instead of letting it thrive.

Thank you for reminding me to share my thoughts.

[abubblingcandle]

Free Square! Anything you want to chat to us about? Share a snippet? Vibes? Favorite dialogue? Whatever you want to share!

Occasionally (and always because of American Football) I drink so much energy drink to make sure I don't fall asleep that I kinda lose my mind. Last time I made a lot of questionable choices and made my university lecturer regret a lot of her choices.

I am currently maybe in that state so either the writing I am doing right now is drivel or great. With that in mind my brain is flitting between a lot of stuff but here we are. I've been writing more of the sleep deprived Jamie fic and now think that mid chapter I'm going to need to swap from Jamie's POV to Roy's POV to have the desired impact because this bit didn't seem right in Jamie's POV but the beginning and end need to be in his POV.

“Drink this Jamie,” Roy pressed the cup into Jamie’s hands and his started sipping carefully, always one to follow an order when he was tired or stressed. They sat there in silence as Jamie worked his way through the cup. The warmth and caffeine and familiarity seemed to be settling Jamie’s nerves as the trembles began to fade and colour returned to his cheeks. “What is wrong with you?” Roy asked, relived that this time Jamie didn’t flinch. “I can’t sleep,” Jamie whispered. He was staring into his mug with such intensity, like he had spent the off season learning how to read tea leaves. “I haven’t been able to sleep for days,” he added when Roy didn’t say anything. “Fuck Jamie, you shouldn’t have been at training if you are that sleep deprived,” Roy sighed, running a hand through his hair to try and focus himself. “But I could train? I’m fine,” Jamie frowned, nose crinkled in displeasure. “You are not fine Jamie. Look at what just happened. You need to sleep,” Roy was now regretting giving Jamie caffeine even if it did make him more coherent. “I can’t,” Jamie whined. “Why?” Roy had experienced not being able to sleep but for days? And Jamie wasn’t hurt, the physios had worked his ankle only a couple of days ago and he hadn’t taken any hits. He could move at training he was just disorientated … understandably! “My dad is out of rehab,” Jamie’s response was barely audible but still sucked all the air out of the room.

[laf-outloud]

"If they were, they wouldn’t all still be so close." How do you know they're close, anon? Because they work together? Because they trot out tired anecdotes from when they used to work together? And to preemptively answer your kneejerk response, how do I know they're NOT close? I don't. But neither I nor laf-outloud nor any other Jared fan or YOU, anon, is privy to that information. I'm free to like what I like and dislike what I dislike. I'm NOT required to be "fair". These are not my children. They are strangers, some of whom I like because I enjoyed their work, some of whom I admire because of their stance on certain issues, some of whom I can't stand because of what they have done and how they have acted PUBLICLY. I don't have to know what they're like in private. They could be the bestest of all besties for all I care. So? Who cares? I'm not a social worker with the authority to separate them. I'm not a judge about to sentence them to jail for being bad friends. I'm a stranger and a nobody, and so are you, and so is laf-outloud, and so are fans. That's the definition of fans. You react to the public persona and actions. Why are you and your group running around Jared stan blogs insisting we see the "truth"? There is no truth to be seen, you moron. None of us know any of them. All we have is what they do PUBLICLY. And based on what they do PUBLICLY, I think Misha is the lowest scum on earth. I think Jensen is entitled and envious of Jared but not malicious. Other Jared fans disagree. Which leads me to my second point to you, anon. We Jared fans don't have to agree with each other or with Jared or with anyone else. Each of us is a grown up who can make their own decisions. For example, laf-outloud and many others felt Jensen was a creep for touching Samantha's knee. I don't. I would feel he was a creep if he patted MY knee. But I don't know that Samantha minds, and I know Jensen's body language is all over the place because his partner at cons of over a decade is no longer next to him, and he relied heavily on Jared's presence with crowds and at cons. So he's off-kilter. Did you see me coming here to attack laf-outloud and insist that she see the truth, my opinion? No! Why not? Because my opinion is mine and her opinion is hers and I am not an entitled brainwashed cult member like you AAs and Hellers to understand that people get to have their own opinions. Jeez. You'd think one of you would at least look UP the drivel you share about Jared to make sure it's true first. You'd think one of you would look up signs of being in a cult. You'd think you wouldn't get your information from people who ALREADY heavily agree with you, because that information would definitely be biased. You'd think you'd look at different sources and use YOUR OWN BRAIN to make up your mind. What pathetic excuses for human beings. Misha is one creep, but my god look at how many he's created and is keeping in a cult. God. AAs and Hellers are just as dangerous to mankind as antivaxxers and flat-earthers and other cults. Jeez.

Brava, anon! You make some wonderful points!

Though... I'm now going to disagree with your use of harsh dialogue and name-calling, lol! (But only because we have different styles, and that's not one I typically employ.) Like you said, we don't always agree, and that's okay. If everyone agreed all the time, this world would be a boring place!

(And, I also agree that my own biases play into seeing the knee pat as creepy because I had a coworker who'd do that and I had to mentally restrain myself from reacting violently, so thank you for your perspective, anon.)

[zigmenthotep]

A weird issue with a lot of 70s and 80s European horror is that they were never theatrically released in English, only on home video, but were also released in English under different names. So high-quality sources for some of those English releases just don't exist.

When it comes time for the Blu-ray release they just use the original theatrical version with a remastered English dub and market it under the English-language title. But there is no true HD release of The Hanging Woman, only La orgía de los muertos. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, Engish—and especially US—releases tend to be hideously cut up to remove nudity, gore, and important plot points judged too spicy for the "Land of the PG," but it's still a very important part of horror history that new fans are growing less and less aware of. Like, the average young horror fan is much more likely to be aware of the importance of home video than the average youngster, but not just how drastically it altered the film experience.

For example, more than half of the successful-prosecuted video nasties were released in the 70s or earlier—the earliest being 1963's Blood Feast—and just as many were originally released in other languages. A good deal of those are movies that you would not see otherwise. Before video rental stores, you could watch a movie in a theatre, or—heavily cut—on TV. If you wanted to see The Wizard of Gore, there's a pretty good chance that you could not... unless the local drive-in or the grindhouse theatre in "The bad part of town," decided to pull it out of a box and show it. So those cheaply-produced VHS releases of older and/or foreign films are what built a big part of the shared experience of the horror fandom. That's why horror is one of the few genres that actually has its own fandom. Even in modern times horror fans still have a shared experience based largely on older films, and that shared experience began in the video store.

And yes, I am saying that if you never watch anything other than the latest trendy mainstream drivel you are not a real horror fan.

[snezfics-n-shit]

Sicktember Day 14:  "I shouldn't be worried about you, but for some reason I am"

Fandom: Ace Attorney Characters: Damon Gant, Manfred von Karma Notes: It is Old Man Hours™. I am Not Sorry™. It may or may not Happen Again™. Manfred does not need friends; they disappoint him. Do not concern yourself with the mere possibility he may have looked on in envy when overhearing a discussion between two friendly attorneys in the office lobby. Do not even think about the potential feeling he may have that something is off when entering his office doesn’t immediately spawn a visit from Damon Gant, who is not his friend. Set in 1999 for the very important reason of Franziska being born and also The Phantom Menace is in theaters. Yes, both are very important to this entry.  The elder von Karma sister is finally named because I couldn’t keep it a secret any longer: Adelaide. I was holding off until I finished a PWKM with her that’s been long on hiatus, but I grew impatient with myself.

@vonpharma, please enjoy the sillies.

     Damon Gant, Deputy Chief of the Los Angeles district police department, was a nuisance. This was obvious. Anyone who had shared a room’s oxygen with the man would most likely agree. At least, Manfred von Karma thought so.

If anything, a morning without being loudly greeted by the man ought to be considered a most welcome change. At least, Manfred von Karma used to think so. 

It wasn’t that Manfred was lonely. No, not at all. Even if his attempts at calling to check on the status of his wife and newborn second daughter were frequently shot down by the servants who answered the phone, he was not at all lonely! In fact, this morning, he listened to the conversation between a younger prosecutor and his bothersome defense attorney friend. It was beyond Manfred’s comprehension why such intermingling would even be desired in the first place, but he listened. 

He even bothered to remember the topic of the conversation, however dull it was, being the release of some ridiculous science fiction movie. The defense attorney had seen it already with his son and was inviting this prosecutor to see it with his family a second time. It was quite comical! Two grown men being so openly fond of their childish interests! Not to mention a father exposing his child to lowbrow, newfangled computer animation-aided drivel passed off as cinema these days, and twice at that! That was not at all anything Manfred would ever want to waste his valuable time doing.

Yes, his time was incredibly valuable. He already spent so much of it reviewing case files he had read and reread several times this morning, which was highly important; as was the time he set aside to enjoy a cup of tea served by his secretary, imagining the framed picture of his firstborn daughter on his desk was the girl’s actual presence savoring the moment with him. The lack of interruptions made the ongoing day perfect and not at all concerning once he considered the notable absence of a certain deputy police chief. 

He was especially not concerned once that absence was minimized into a mere tardiness, with a hacking cough from Gant replacing a typical, obnoxious greeting at Manfred’s office doorway.

“Manny!” Gant finally called out to him.

Somehow, this version of Gant calling out to him with a significant lack of familiar energy managed to bother Manfred even more than usual. 

“Damon Gant.” Manfred addressed him as he typically did, a subtle attempt at correcting Gant’s informality that never truly succeeded. Whether Gant continued using nicknames out of spite or simply because he could not get the hint was a mystery. “You’re late.” 

“Late?” Gant shook his head. “I’d say it’s more that you’re early!”

“It is nearly 2 o’clock in the afternoon.”  

“Early for a man I expected to have at the very least planned a trip back home!” Gant amended with a shrug.

“Why would I do that when there is still so much to be done here?” 

Gant perused through the collection of family pictures on the prosecutor’s desk, provoking a scowl from Manfred each time he left one out of its original place. 

“Because a little birdy told me you’ll be adding to this collection, soon enough!” 

Manfred furiously and meticulously placed each framed photo back into their original positions. Inconsiderate didn’t even begin to describe Gant’s carelessness, especially as he soon started coughing over Manfred’s head with what can hardly even be called an attempt to cover. 

“Yes, I am awaiting Adelaide’s school award ceremony pictures to be developed. She’s set a new record for her age group in how many accolades she’s won this year alone.”

“No, Manny! Your new family member!” Gant shot a disappointed look at Manfred. “For shame, not being present to see your own baby.” 

“Tell our family’s midwife who won’t let anyone besides a select few servants enter the entire east wing of the home.” Manfred responded glumly. “She’s far more overbearing than the one we had when Adelaide was born.”

“I see now!” Gant clapped his hands together. “You’re drowning those sorrows in your work, then! Typical Manny!” He let out his trademark jovial laughter, at least until that cough overtook him yet again.

“Would you please stop drowning me in whatever illness has you in its grasp? In fact, why not take leave for the day to avoid the risk of infecting everyone else?” 

“You worry too much, Manny! I’ve…” Gant stared into space mid-sentence. “I’ve taken a reasonable amount of medicine to lessen all those infectious symptoms.” Either he was lying, or neglected to realize that coughing all over another man’s desk was infectious in its own right. 

“Define ‘reasonable.’” 

“Of course!” The deputy police chief rummaged through his conveniently large suit pockets and pulled out a bottle of what Manfred recalled to be absolutely sickeningly syrupy blue-green liquid. Gant then went on rambling about how effective it was, before suddenly trailing off-topic into a tangent Manfred couldn’t bother to try understanding.

Manfred couldn’t help but notice the large letters advising how the medicine should be used: “TAKE BEFORE BED,” “DO NOT DRIVE OR OPERATE HEAVY MACHINERY,” and of course “FOR NIGHTTIME.”

Not only was Damon Gant a nuisance, but now Manfred was suspicious that Gant was unable to read. It was almost 2 o'clock in the afternoon and Gant had proudly announced what was either impatience or incompetence when it came to taking cold medicine.

Manfred was now presented with the choice of either taking matters into his own hand to prevent the disastrous results of allowing Gant to stay at the office and eventually drive himself home or allow said disastrous results to occur. 

“That’s it.” Manfred stood up and inhaled deeply. He may have just taken in thousands of germs in doing so, but his exasperation was too much to go without expressing. “I am escorting you home.” 

“Aw, you’re worried about me, Manny?” The way Gant cooed was all the confirmation Manfred needed that he was far too overmedicated to be either out and about or driving home.

“I shouldn’t be worried about you.” After all, Gant was merely another cog in the Los Angeles legal district machine. “But,” Manfred added quietly, “for some reason, I am.” 

Gant let himself fall over to be propped up by Manfred, who couldn’t tell if this was intentional or merely an effect of the nighttime medication. 

“You’re a good friend, Manny.” 

No, no. Manfred von Karma did not need friends. 

He did, however hard it was to admit, need Gant.

[suffer-forever]

So after i sent multiple emails to my rep a few months back, I got an extremely dumb and propagandistic letter in response

I'll type it up:

Thank you for contacting me regarding the Israel-Hamas conflict. I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts. As you know, on October 7, the terrorist organization Hamas carried out an evil and brutal surprise attack along Israel's southern border with Gaza, killing over 1200 Israelis, soldiers and civilians alike, including 32 U.S. citizens. The terrorits also took more than 200 people as hostages, including U.S. citizens. I condemn in the strongest possible terms the terrorist attacks by Hamas, and I am heartbroken over the loss of thousands of innocent civilians and remain concerned about those still held hostage. The ongoing conflict that Hamas started has also created a devastating humanitarian crisis in Gaza. I stand unequivocally for the protection of civilian life during conflict. Palestinian civilians are not to blame and should not be collectively punished for the brutal attacks committed by Hamas terrorists. I am also concerned about the conduct of war waged by the Netanyahu government. The levels of suffering and civilian casualties are devastating, including the displacement of 1.9 million people according to reports. While Hamas hides behind civilians, Israel's military operations must comply with international law and focus on combatting terror and degrading Hamas' military capabilities, not collective punishment on innocent Palestinians. My top priority has always been to secure the release of hostages currently under Hamas control. That's why I strongly supported the November 21 agreement between Israel and Hamas to allow some of these civilians to come home. However, I also share the goal of defeating Hamas and rooting out terrorism so that the peace process towards a two-state solution can be restarted. I also believe there must be both a significant change in the conduct of Israel's military operations to better protect civilian lives, and a clear vision for rebuilding Gaza and moving towards two states after this war. I understand that there is support for a permanent ceasefire. The multi-day pause in hostilities that started on November 21, which was essentially a ceasefire, ended because Hamas stopped releasing hostages and began firing rockets at Israel. I strongly support the pursuit of additional pauses in hostilities to facilitate the release of the remaining hostages and facilitate a surge in humanitarian aid, but I am concerned that a unilateral ceasefire would provide Hamas with an opportunity to regroup and commit further atrocities on Israel. It's crucial to ensure that innocent civilians who have nothing to do with the conflict in the region can receive food, water, medicine, and other essential humanitarian assistance. I strongly commend President Biden who has successfully negotiated the facilitation of $100 million in humanitarian aid to civilians in Gaza, and I will continue to support ongoing efforts to provide additional humanitarian aid. Our nation has a long relationship with Israel and a deep commitment to finding a two-state solution to bring self-determination, peace, and security to Palestinians and Israelis. Please know I will continue monitoring the situation closely and will keep your thoughts in mind should any legislation related to the conflict come before the House of Representatives. Again, thank you for sharing your thoughts. Please continue to contact me on all issues of importance to you and to our district. Sincerely, Mike Thompson, Member of Congress

so, a few things we noticed after reading this last night - aside from the usual Democratic Party drivel putting the responsibility solely on Hamas:

notice how often he says "civilians" specifically in a way where it does not specify what types of civilians - protection of civilian life etc.

notice how he never actually says "Palestine". he says "Palestinians" a few times - but this phrasing undermines Palestine's existence as a physical place. Per this letter, Israel exists, and Palestine doesn't

the FIRST word he uses to characterize what happened on Oct 7 is "evil". fucking BATSHIT

$100 mil in nebulous "humanitarian aid" we know is not even able to make its way into Palestine vs. how many billions in military support to the regime directly responsible for why that aid is necessary

don't even know how to characterize the nonsense regarding the ceasefire shit. "well actually, we did already have a ceasefire! sooooo..."

this is kinda reiterating the first two points but the way the entirety of this language is warped away from admitting that Israel is committing genocide to like a vague handwave of "yes Israel needs to also Be Good sure sure but the real problem is Hamas".

so yeah i just thought this little look into the bullshit was interesting - total propaganda machine from top to fucking bottom. it's so disjointed from reality I'm not sure whether to respond or to just take this outside and set it on fire

fuck joe biden and fuck representative mike thompson

[leonbloder]

The Tree Of The Year

For the third year, a Polish tree has taken the No. 1 spot in the European Tree of the Year contest. The 200-year-old common beech pictured below stands at the center of the botanical garden at the University of Wroclaw in Wrocław, Poland. It’s aptly named “The Heart of the Garden.”

There are so many things that I want to say about this. I'll begin with the first question I asked when I read about this:

"You're telling me that there is a "European Tree of the Year Contest?"

Yes, that is exactly right. Each year, all European countries submit entries of individual native trees to be considered for the contest. And for the third year in a row, Poland's entries have won.

This year's finalists included a massive Weeping Beech from France and an olive tree from Italy estimated to be between 3,000 and 4,000 years old.

You should also know that this isn't just a beauty contest because the organizers of this annual event are also very interested in the stories of the trees that are entered. This is what their website had to say about the winner this year:

This monumental tree grows in the centre of an old park. Its majestic appearance impresses us with its unusually shaped and thick trunk, widely spreaded branches, and purple-coloured leaves that shine beautifully in the sun. The "Heart of the Garden" is living proof of an old park’s historic turmoil and dominates over the Arboretum situated around it. Upon a shadow of its great, widely spreaded crown, enthusiasts still meet - just like 100 or 200 years ago - united by their admiration of nature.

So, why am I spending so much time on this for a Daily Devo?

It's the kind of news we need right now instead of the endless, divisive political drivel dominating the news cycles.

But we also need to know that good people care about these things. The world needs people who want to know the stories of trees and who draw attention to Creation Care and the importance of being good stewards of our planet.

Each year, all of the trees entered into this contest are landmarks within the communities where they have survived for hundreds (and even thousands) of years.

As I reflected on this story, I was reminded of Psalm 1:3, which reads:

[A wise person] is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers.

The Heart of the City tree has stood at its post for nearly 200 years. It has seen a city grow up around it. It has borne witness to war, Nazi occupation, communist rule, and revolution.

And still, people gather under it, seeking shade, connecting to Nature, and providing a sense of center for a community that has come to love and care for it.

As people of faith, we have a high calling to care for what God cares for. Scripture teaches us that God looks upon Creation and calls it "good."

I have read that some Christian thought leaders believe that Creation Care is a "distraction" from what they believe the Church's mission to be, which is "sharing the Gospel."

I can think of a few better ways to demonstrate our commitment to the Good News of how God saves them by showing how much we care for the beautiful and good world we've been entrusted with.

St. Francis called Creation the "Fifth Gospel" for a reason. He believed that if we were open to receiving the gifts and lessons that Creation offers, we would know God more intimately.

What are the landmark trees in your own corner of the world? What are the places of beauty that make your heart sing? Don't you feel gratitude that they exist and that you can enjoy them?

May we all find those places and landmarks around us, be still in their presence, and know that God is within them, just as God is within you.

And may the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you now and always. Amen.

[alyosiuscreightonward]

I had to come back and ponder this video.

I’ve watched it several times and I still don’t get it. Seriously though, I question why would you want to be in my presence? Like Joe Pesci asked, “What I’m a clown? I make you laugh?” Is that all I am to you?

Fucking Pearl Williams, Belle Barth, Sophie Tucker? Robin Williams? Totie Fields?

“You”? Want to be in my presence? What the actual fuck? I’m an Arrogant Bitter Old Qween and it’s my Charisma Uniqueness Nerve and Talent YOU want to be around? I’m a Cunt and I can teach you how to be a better one. Caustic Acidic Rude Crude Lewd and Socially Unacceptable. These are in my rDNA and I ooze from every single pore.

Verbal Emotional and any other kind of abuse that will not and cannot involve physicality of any sort, then I’m in. Fucking A. My tongue is so sharp that I can easily clip the hedges. Lyrics I can easily quote, cruel to be kind. I’m incapable of being kind.

I’m going to take it anymore. All the years of being a welcome mat and all the years that I allowed myself to be trampled on is now being given back to you.

As I said in an earlier post, I wanted to be held. On my terms and not yours. I don’t know if I’d physically do you harm and then decide at the very last second to be able to help you. So, you slipped or tripped, do I leave you there or do I help you back up?

I’ve randomly sent the following message to my friends and I’ve never ever received it back: Had anyone told you today? If not I'd like to be the first to say, you are loved and I love you. You're the absolutely the best.

Talk about not hearing you screaming in the vacuum of space. If I died tomorrow, motherfucker, I know that you would not shed a single tear. I’m not an idiot. I can feel it in my bones.

Then you have the unmitigated gall to tell me that I need to be kinder gentler to myself. Fuck you. Eat shit and die yourself. In some stupid movie Tom Hanks was saved from a desert island. It was a fucking piece of drivel. The movie intimated it was a fucking miracle that he was saved. Again if I went missing, I wouldn’t even end up on the side of a milk carton nor would you lift a finger. You can’t even acknowledge that I exist. I know that you are going to say that I’m a total waste of a human being and why am I here. Am I the cancer inside you robbing you of all the good times you so justly deserve?! How could you ever thank me for anything.

Just come right out and tell me that I’m a fucking loser.

[circular-time]

by the way i will report on li who i promise (so PLEASED to have met @lurking-latinist finally!) but I had created this on my cat blog in case Elon caused an exodus and blazed it now as a friendly/educational welcome for twitter users — note the tags on the post that include gentle nudges on how to be a good community member tucked amidst the random drivel. (Wonder where I could've picked up that habit of dispensing useful information.)

I admit I was rattled by the strikingly rude replies, until I saw the mostly nice tags. I had never fully grasped what being "ratio'd" was all about. I see now: share if you agree, reply to send a strongly-worded note.

I understand the people irritated about commercialization of the Internet… Hell I've never entirely gotten over the fact that .com's were made legal. Once upon a time, the web was limited to .gov and .edu! But that said… And it is late so I shouldn't ramble on too much, but I have been around the block so many times and seen a lot of fandom-essential sites crash and burn the way Twitter is burning now, it reminds me of communities I've lost. In fact that is why A03 was built, so we wouldn't have that happen any more with fanfiction sites. We fans built, coded, run, and have an archive of our own that is strictly a nonprofit, supported entirely by donations, and no commercial interest can buy it out or monetize our content.

Dreamwidth tried to be that for social media after LJ bled out, but Tumblr's media versatility lured fandom away, despite its flaws: hosting and keeping images, video, and audio cross-os compatible with enough hosting and bandwidth to serve every country is just too much for a donation-funded, fan-skeleton-staff site to handle.

To fund that, so far, the only successful option has been a commercial site, and even they have struggled to pull it off. Tumblr's current incarnation (sold to Wordpress in Aug 2019, after the infamous porn ban) supports itself NOT by selling user data, not by selling premium features or inventing a phony hierarchy of elite tiers for paying members, not by paywall or subscription, but by ads that come either from advertisers (who can't glean user data from the ads,which is vanishingly rare nowadays) or by us. Ads from us— blazes — along with items from the Tumblr store are like in-house patreon perks for supporting the site. For me, personally, after watching and helping the web grow since 1993, that's the best compromise we've got for the moment.

and yes those arguing against that say it's bad to waste money on supporting fandom sites, lattes, or other indulgences when so many vulnerable people and important causes are in dire need of support. They forget some people may be doing both.

And yeah, also, I am all in favor of people of limited means doing things to relieve the hellscape instead of devoting every penny and moment of their lives to self-sacrifice for others/Causes.

That's kind of why people like me should do a little extra. We can pick up the tab, so we should.

anyway I've gone nattering on and on and I shouldn't stay up late for a second night in a row at a con, especially when the first panel I'm going to in the morning is Sarah Sutton! Nyssa, my space mom, my favorite character in all of Doctor Who. Sarah is such a lovely person in person, and she's done her hair wiggly like Jodie did, and looks fabulous and oh my goodness she was so cool today in a leather jacket and lace ruffled shirt which I stupidly didn't get a picture of but hopefully @lurking-latinist did, and I'm still such a fan, ever and always, it's incurable.

Oh yeah, PLEASE reblog my silly cat post if you like it. Especially if you figure out the dumbass pun lying next to his butt.

Or tell me to fuck off in the replies if that's warranted. I do get a bit preachy.

[monstermaster13]

Werebelushi:

I call this...everything wrong with that-site-that-shall-not-be-named's stupid posts:

- You know, this is the only good post from these I agree on..seriously, Changed in itself is a fucked up symbiote fetishist's wet dream labelled as a horror game yet the only horrifying thing about is the plot and the fact it exists oh yeah and how creepy and overly sexual the transformation sequences are, seriously...'transfur or die' is pretty much just shoved down your throat over and over throughout and this game was only made because Dragonsnow has a symbiote fetish and tons of nasty fetishes he told the devs to put into the game.

- Calling Chucky a toddler even though we all know that Charles Lee Ray or 'Chucky' as he is called is an ADULT serial killer who got his soul transferred into a child's doll, the doll is made to look like a kid's doll because well...woudl you EVER suspect a doll of murdering someone? I think not.

- The CWC comparisons are out-dated now considering what has happened to THAT person.

- The forum thread in general only gets updated with posts that are from months or years ago or the person behind the post deleted the post or the DA admins deleted that post, so shouldn't the Drmusic2 thread just get deleted anyway?

- They harp on Nathan for doing a list of tropes he can't stand in roleplay scenarios and in general yet the only thing they can say is call it 'tl'dr drivel'? Honestly, I can't stand that meme to be honest.

- That Quora post was actually just from a month or year ago, yet you felt the need to bring it up? No offense but the Quora post was back when CombustingHerpes was a thing and was actually active, yeah that site is still up but nobody ever goes on it or visits it anymore, guess the members found something else to occupy their time like dank meme references only they find funny. Defunct? That site is still active, it just hasn't been updated since 2013 and obviously...yeah, I can see why.

- I am just going to explain it like this..Nathan stated HIS opinion on a fake review of Combustingherpes, Fake Serbian Douche attacks him for it and calls him a terrorist and claims that he is trying to bomb Serbian and accuses him of being a Balkan of all things, Nathan tries to ignore this guy, he shows up everywhere, the guy questions him for liking the Muppets (accusing him of doing nudes of them when it's just fanart made with Heromachine), and doesn't even know that Christopher freaking Walken's name is spelled WALKEN and NOT 'Walker', tricks Nathan into looking up a fake movie that doesn't exist, tricks him into going on Ask and asking about a fake movie, admits he wasn't even Serbian to begin with yet everyone believes him. What joke? There's no jokes in Combustingherpes that anyone who isn't in the MSG stoner demographic or in the dank memes demogaphic would find in anyway funny, pretending to be Serbian is NOT a joke. Other countries and ethnicities are NOT titles to brag about in an an attempt to seem edgy.

- You do know the post Nathan made on Similarworlds about being mature was actually just imported from the website it used to be on, right? And also since when does making fanfics make someone immature?

- Nathan isn't female and he doesn't identify as anyone but himself, refer to him as Nathan and not the name of the woman that you heard the daloliverse calls him as.

- Nathan doesn't want to drink Dan Aykroyd's blood or wear his skin, the character in-universe is a vampire and that was just a story.

- I am sorry but what kind of mandela effect did you imagine exactly? Nathan never said he actually identified as a werejohncandy, the werejohncandy thing was just a faux means of a roleplay account and he has done so in the past.

- Claims Nathan wrote an incest-fic despite not knowing what incest means...you do know that two characters who are not blood relatives sharing a room together and sleeping together isn't incest, right? Also what inter-racial subtext? I am pretty sure we all know apes do not in fact = African Americans, since you know gorillas have black fur NOT black skin, their skin is grey.

- Nathan did not make a character bi for the sake of mocking people who critique others for doing such things, no...actually he didn't, he came out as bi in 2019.

- Actually he said that in-universe non-werecreature shapeshifter characters get offended at being called werecreatures, only because only a handful of those characters are actual werecreature ones, i'm one of them..technically i'm more of a werecelebrity character, the fictional versions of David Bowie and Chris Walken are vampire or vampire-like, Trumpty is a Trump-creature but isn't actually Donald Trump, yes...the Forgotten Werecreatures cast are all types of werecreatures, Dan is a Were-Aykroyd, my counterpart is a Were-Aykroyd, and Growler is a weregrinch. Mel and Eucalyptus are part of a whole different race (they are koala-girls), Soo is a Pandaren, Oats and Opal are both anthro horses (yes Prince Oats is who Oatsie the Ponyta is based on), Holly and Hoofer are both anthro Clydesdales, Mimi is a Minionette (a race of female anthro-ized versions of the Minions), etc.

- What you think Nathan said: 'Weight gain where it's a person becoming a fat version of themselves are horrible but pig tfs are okay', what Nathan actually said: 'If it is just a skinny character gaining weight and eating like a slob it is not much of a change and also actually is demeaning, pig transformations and transformations into a species or character that is naturally like that actually make sense to have weight gain in them.'

- You do know those aren't diaper photos, right? Those are pants made for someone with a larger body type, not that Nathan is overweight or anything, a little stocky, but not short or overweight.

- These fools think CWC and Natalie and Nathan would make a cute pair...aaaaaw, ain't that cute? BUT IT'S WRONG!

- Nathan: The term you are looking for is being a simp, and believe me, I am. For the record, Aykroydology as I call it is NOT a fetish, it is a way of life. And you better not question it, just be glad i'm not a Were-Aykroyd right now.

- Nathan never claimed that his weregrinch fursona/oc was original, after all the character is a character who is a fanmade character for a series of fics he did based on the Saban series 'Big Bad Beetleborgs' and his character was a house-monster OC. Also...yeah I would say that a fanmade OC does count as an 'original character'. Then again canon characters also start off as 'original characters/OCs of the authors so it's not far-fetched. Also I am pretty sure everyone knows the word grinch and all associated with it originated from Dr Seuss's novel and making the mean one green originated in the animated specials. Yeah saying a character that was based on another author's character is unoriginal is redundant, also you know the plot for the Grinch is totally almost the same as A Christmas Carol, right? Yet nobody way back when that book was made ever accused Theodore Geisel of ripping off Dickens. The Charles Dickens estate didn't protest about it, so neither should you.

- Oh no you don't...don't bring ME into this, don't go saying that Nathan is immature for creating me and doing rants with me, I demand to see your admin so I may berate them and tell them that next time they talk shit about my friends I am going to make a petition to have you guys removed off every site you have an account on.

- You do know that Nathan actually DID do research when it comes to the 'spirit animal test', I know online personality tests don't actually count as actual quizzes or anything but crows do have the reputation of being somewhat connected to mysteries and magic and have a mysterious reputation in general hence the bit about being 'anti-social', it's the same as the cockroach one.

- Said 'parody' if you could even call it that was a poor attempt at ripping off Nathan's characters and using said characters without permission, said character was used without permission and killed off brutally. I'd chimp out too if that happened to me.

- Uh...Nathan does KNOW how to clean himself, you don't need to give instructions for that.

- What is wrong with having a fursona based on a Jim Carrey movie? Look, Nathan's favorite Jim Carrey movie is the Grinch and the Grinch is his favorite Carrey character, yeah Viewer-Alt made a 'the Dr Seuss Foundation should sue him' comment about him once, but I doubt Audrey Geisel would have a problem with people making OCs based on her late husband's work. If anything, she was more pissed off at the live-action Cat in the Hat movie and also..probably doesn't know about the 'Mean One' horror movie that is coming out which is a 'parody' so to speak. Having an OC based on or inspired by a beloved character isn't a crime.

- They often try to assume Nathan is trans, no...he's cisgender male.

- Harp on him for being attracted to Dan Aykroyd and using him in his stories, yet totally don't question an overzealous Homestuck fanboy who clearly wants to get inside..oops, I mean be Jade Harley?

- Nathan never said he 'identified' as a werejohncandy or other characters, the werejohncandy is HIS oc and guess what he has a name, it's Chumsley Hugging Jr, and also Nathan did dress as John Candy for halloween and a series of fake blogger posts which were roleplay pages, but he didn't want to wear John's skin or anything, that is just a bunch of rumors.

- Well if you already still remember him then you did a piss poor job of forgetting him.

- You do know that woman didn't actually voluntarily send nudes to admins, right? She was tricked into it and they made a humilating movie about it and a humilating post about it blurting out their entire evil plan on a PUBLIC forum no less, right? She got hit on by one of the members only for that member to berate her.

- 'Leave Willem Dafoe alone'...oh but he did, it's just an ftm tg based on that Snickers commercial with Dafoe in it. Nothing to have hissyfits over.

- Homestuck fanboy pretty much started the 2019 debacle, all Nathan did was comment on a commission that he didn't know was this prior to this that the piece was by/for this guy of someone turning into a Homestuck character, all Nathan was respond to what seemed like a 'thanks for faving my work' comment, only for said comment to end with a remark about how the person finds Nathan's photomanipulations to be terrible (like we KNOW Nathan isn't the best at morphs, but hey, you have to make do with what you have, Nathan used to use Photoshop but that stopped working ages ago so he just uses Gimp, and he uses facemorpher because Fantamorph is a demo product and you kind of need the number to activate the full version, and also for some stupid reason Morphthing the site Nathan usually uses for some morphs doesn't work and is always stuck on please wait) and yet claims they have no problems with him yet still call him a lolcow and then dedicate a whole post about him saying he'd hate to have dinner with the creator of Homestuck just because Nathan has an anti-Homestuck stamp on his profile, then very much says he is finished with him after that drama was ended (along with a pointless childish response to Nathan criticizing his joke AU of Undertale that just is music from the games and people he fanboys over in the roles and a supposed attempt at making his own wiki, that's the second time someone threatened to make a wiki mocking Nathan, remember the Weregrinch wiki from ages ago that supposedly this one person wanted to make to mock Nathan only to just make a website that looked like it was made on the very very early 2000's internet hosting sites like Geocities or Angelfire? Yeah, I remember that), he comes back two years later to give one final insult, calling Nathan a false-flagger just because his crappy rant about him that was just a petty Memelous rip-off got deleted (it is not Nathan's fault that Mr Metokur's video about him got taken down, COPPA did it, I guess Papa Metokur wasn't family friendly, and also you very much just deleted your account accordingly by yourself so you have yourself to blame for that, also for the record Nathan only commented on Mr Metokur's piece that mentioned him because it brought up his old work and his old stories and he is embarrassed of those, hence why it was taken down, i'm sorry pal but your video barely got any comments and nobody cares for your petty complaints), yet also says it's stupid for Nathan to have a Youtube account (Nathan's allowed to have one, and he can do whatever he wants with it as long as it's not agains the TOS) and also the whole reason he brought up Nathan again was because he supposedly thought a Homestuck fic Nathan wrote was about him yet he admits that he and everyone else on that forum are in the wrong? It's good he admits that and all but come on, don't be a hypocrite. Also, Youtube has a forum? I know Google has a help forum but I don't recall Youtube forums being a thing.

- That plus sized woman you keep thinking is Natalie is an actress who clearly didn't want to be part of your crappy movies which are blatant hate-filled propaganda, you used her, you sexualized her and I find it gross that you are hitting on her.

- That plus-sized woman in the school graduation photo isn't Nathan, or Natalie for that matter.

- The post you have linked to is no longer in service, please dial another number and try again.

- So you assume Nathan isn't hygenic yet we've seen him shower countless times.

[echigo-empress]

Why I hate the English MC (Pt. 2)

Disclaimer: I’m still not used to using Tumblr, so please forgive me if I’m not using this platform, or its features, the way everyone else does. I’m just hoping to express my often locked-away thoughts and feelings with like-minded people, and had the courage to do so, after seeing validating posts from a few precious people. If you don’t like what you see, please exit. Thank you.

To start: I hate Ikemen Sengoku’s main character (MC).

If you “adore” her the way many Reddit fans do, please stop reading and go away. 走开 。你说什么东西，我都不会听。

I do not know if she is equally unpleasant in other routes (since she was already unpleasant enough in Hideyoshi’s), so I’ll be basing my words off Uesugi Kenshin’s route. I was hesitant to share my honest description of her, which is: She is too American to be likeable for my taste.

But then I realized there is some validity in the American tag. Let me break down some reasons why I hate her:

She is rude.

She is obnoxious.

She uses a lot of American English slang that I’m not sure American players are even aware are region-specific to the U.S. e.g. “big ole guy” “because reasons” Who says these things in real life? Do you hear other English speakers using such terms? Huge other rant I am not talking about today, but related: Anime translators and subbers who use too many American English or Americanized words, piss me off. Newsflash: English is not only spoken in the U.S., it is widely spoken and taught across the world. Just because someone selects ‘English’ as a language, does not automatically mean they are culturally American, or that they even speak American English. British English came first. There are so many people who are billingual, trillingual, and more (e.g. Germany, Belgium, Italy, South Korea etc.), choosing to converse in ‘English’ has many reasons that may not always be tied to someone’s identity or even citizenship. This is probably a fault of Cybird’s team, but how they even thought this was okay, acceptable, is beyond me. It proves to me just how small-minded, presumptuous, and maybe even racis-... they are.

She has a bad attitude. Oh, I could wax lyrical about this. Despite the player’s obvious choice in Kenshin, her attitude towards him remains cynical, cold, mistrusting, and frankly, nonsensical. It makes their romance feel unnatural, and jarrs the reader from fully immersing themselves in the game world. The player’s in-game word choices are bad (imo), but the follow up lines in the route are often straight up confusing, as if the translators only rewrote the MC’s lines, and altered Kenshin’s answers to fit her dissociative identity disorder tendencies (read: split-personality disorder)

It got to the point (Chapter 5) that I was starting to look for a way to switch the language to Chinese, or Japanese, within the game settings, and didn’t find any. Anything but to read one more word of her prejudiced and judgemental drivel. I had a feeling that the English version was terribly bastardized, and salvation and sanity returned when I found this affirmative post.

Even though this American girl MC was someone (I felt) was the opposite of me. And it’s hard for me to consume media with an unlikeable/unrelatable protagonist. I struggled through. I tolerated her, even though this was supposed to be a game about me x Uesugi Kenshin, because I fell in love with him. And made this blog.

And overnight (or rather, over Chapter 8), my heart shattered into a million pieces. Because, here’s the last, but possibly most important point:

She discriminates against people with depression. I would share the screenshot, but I was so heartbroken that I didn’t take one of that scene. Where she not only expresses 0 compassion for Isehime’s depression and suicide... but goes on to say something like ‘I will never be like Isehime. I will always fight to live, and I will behave differently; I’m nothing like her.’ 

Let’s unpack everything that’s wrong with that in the next post.

Chapter list of Probably quit Ikemen Sengoku because I hate the English MC/Uesugi Kenshin’s route series:

Part 1: Why I chose Uesugi Kenshin’s route

Part 2: Why I hate the English MC/Uesugi Kenshin’s route  (we here now)

Part 3: Depression, Trauma, History, and encouragement for other fans who might feel the same way

Part 4: Probably Quitting Ikemen Sengoku / Should I finish it?

Part 5: The Chinese version of Ikemen Sengoku / 美男战国 | 美男戰國

[spitpr1ncess]

BRUISED BODIES CHAPTER 1 LEVI ACKERMAN X READER

                                               (not my image)

“You’re too pretty for this, little girl” remarks your current company. You roll your eyes and have to hold in the audible sigh that almost escapes you. How many times you have heard the same drivel? If you were too pretty, they wouldn’t continue the silent abuse on your body, would they?

You’ve been a working girl since you barely had the ability to think for yourself. You were plucked from your poverty-stricken family with the promise of their debts being written off.

You aren’t special and your family don’t care about you, a lie you’d been telling yourself for twenty two long years. You are a slab of meat and a source of income, that’s all, and believing yourself to be more was a stupid mistake you’d learned not to make, assuming people actually cared about you had caused you more pain than any physical abuse you’d ever endured.

You’re snapped back to reality as a pair of hands paw clumsily at your breasts, you inhale and remind yourself that this is only a temporary situation, but until you figure out how, you must continue to appease the men that Jools sends your way.

Jools is like your older brother, if your older brother worked in a brothel and openly encouraged men to fuck his slightly younger sister. The two of you share an intimate relationship built on a strong foundation of sharing trauma, you know he means well.

Jools was taken around the same time you were, only, as he managed to flourish into a promising young man, he was favoured by boss, and thus, promoted. You and Jools have always seen eye to eye, his depressing background is in servicing men, just like yours and it’s how you built your relationship, why you share such a deep understanding of each other, such mutual respect. This doesn’t go unnoticed by the other girls, and as a mean result, ensures that you are on the less favourable end of their antics, often being the brunt of their absolute frustrations and jokes.

As head of appointments and bookings, alongside other things, he always tries to send you the easy ones, if Boss knew he favoured you, you’re sure Jools would be sacked, or worse, effective immediately. You’re eternally thankful that he chooses to throw you a bone, even if it doesn’t seem much to him, it means the world to you.

Your mindless wandering halts once again, as you make unfavourable eye contact with your unwelcome company, you notice he is grunting as he roughly palms his own erection with his bear-like hands, staring holes through you as he directs his dirty glare at your breasts. Without thinking you grasp his knees and push your elbows to meet, forcing your breasts to squash together in that specific way that the male gaze loves so much, accentuating their plumpness. You are the first to admit that although sex is something that is daily to you, you are a very sexual soul by nature. You love the affect you have on men, and how you can practically melt them down to nothingness in the palm of your soft hand. You’re certain it comes from the trauma that is deep rooted in your hunger for male validation

The man sat in front of you isn’t the smallest you’ve seen but he isn’t particularly well endowed either, weighing up your current circumstances, you decide to make the most of it. Standing up, you lick your lips and undo the tie to your virginal white skirt, allowing it to fall to the ground quietly. It crumples in a small pile and feverishly you step out of it, feigning nervousness. You take your willing participants bear-paw off his own erection and place is gently on the arm of his chair, straddling him, you centre yourself and gently lower down to allow your warmth to press against him. Instinctually, he grunts and pushes back, his actions clumsy and annoying yet you allow it, not wanting to anger him, the men you service are big businessmen and you know better than to piss one off. You have seen first-hand the damage they can and do cause. You let him believe he has control, you grind back and nuzzle into his neck, playing him like a game, inhaling, you pick up on cigarette smoke and some notable cologne brand, nothing out of the ordinary.

You kiss his neck, breathing over his ear, begging him to enter you, you are not stupid, the way you make men feel, like you are infatuated, like there is nothing else you need at that moment than them, always gets you tipped. And tips go straight to your pocket, and any tips that go straight to your pocket, go straight to your running-away-savings. As he clumsily lines up his erection, you lift yourself onto your elbow to assist him in his feeble attempt at entering you, you feel his tip pressed right up against you, simultaneously, you kiss him and sheath yourself entirely. It isn’t anything notable and is in fact somewhat disappointing, nevertheless, you continue to finish the job.

You inhale sharply to sell the fantasy. He grunts again, like some half dead animal, you cringe trying your hardest to not let on as you know that his tips will make the effort worth it. Like a wet dream he was having, you bounce yourself up and down, in and out, in and out, in and out. It isn’t long before you see his head fall back and he stiffens below you, he opens his mouth and grabs your ass, hard. You squeal as you feel his hot seed lacing your insides, you feign your own orgasm, making your legs shake as if you had to convince him like your life depended on it. He buys it; dirty talking you and asking various lewd and cringey questions that make you shudder, if it weren’t for you writhing on top of him, he might have picked up on it. You kiss him before finding your feet, passing him a napkin as he sheepishly cleans himself off, only now feeling shy and vulnerable. He stands and pulls his trousers up; buckling his belt quickly, he then reaches into his breast pocket, he pulls out a stack of fifties, he throws a couple on the floor by your feet. He is trying to regain his masculinity, uncomfortable about looking into your eyes, you used to let it upset you, only you are used to it, each man having the same reaction.

He leaves and you lock the door tight behind him, you tidy up, wiping the chair and cleaning away any fluid that may have made its way to places it doesn’t belong. You wander towards your bathroom; the wooden floor feels cold but welcome on your ever tired feet. You stare into the mirror; a few tears had escaped your eyes without your noticing, it was a pretty normal occurrence for you now.

You glance in the mirror and notice that she is foreign, the girl staring back. Her long brown hair pulled over one shoulder, bruises lacing her frail body, you gently trace a finger over her body and look down to see your body. It is like you are disconnected, her body has not been your body for a long time. You wipe your eyes and turn your shower on, you hop in as it is still running cold.

You inhale sharply. It hurts, and the excruciating pain is welcome, you allow your bare back to fall silently against the wall and slowly lower yourself. You protect your knees with your arms as you grasp them toward you and lay your head between the makeshift protection you have created. Loud sobs escape your lungs as if they'd been brewing for a century.

A long while passes and you don’t hear the door unlocking.

Jools lets himself in, he hears your measly sobs coming from the bathroom and heads toward them, he slides open the shower door, startled, you jump up and let out an ugly shriek, Jools looks at you, pathetic, slim, bruised and sobbing. His head falls to one side as you try to somewhat protect your modesty. Jools has seen everything you have, and you, him, yet it still feels embarrassing and intimate.

“Olive.”, his voice is cool, patient, and laced with a little sympathy, “What am I going to do with you?”, he steps into the shower, allowing his clothes to get sprayed with water, you turn to him and press your forehead to his.

“I am sorry Jools; my emotions are all over the place. I will be ready in ten minutes, just allow me to clean up”, your voice sounds tired and you let out a little sigh. Jools places a hand on your shoulder and gently turns you around. You have been each other’s comfort in such a long life of trauma and you know what is coming next, he picks up your shampoo and lathers some between his hands, he rubs his fingertips into your scalp, scrubbing the dirt of the day out of your hair.

His touch is welcome, if not a little alien. It is rare these days that a pair of hands aren’t grabbing, pulling, pinching or pushing you around, you let out a long sigh, letting go of the anxiety and slowing your heart rate, you close your eyes and allow yourself to be cared for. By the time Jools finishes showering you he is soaked, you both step out into your bedroom. You pull on your skirt and replace your corset, a “uniform” as far as Boss is concerned. You hate it, making you feel vulnerable and cheap, you would rather slip on a t-shirt and shorts, or a loose dress.

Jools discarded all his clothes sans boxers and made himself comfortable on your bed as you were stood contemplating. You stare at him, with his light brown, almost ashy blonde hair. He is handsome, you have always thought this, you just never placed you two together, with him acting the “older brother” for all intents and purposes.

Jools breaks the silence, “Your four o’clock has cancelled, it’s what I came here to tell you” he pats the bed next to him and smiles “come and sit, unless you’re going somewhere”.

You pause momentarily before undoing your skirt again, you let it fall to the ground before reaching for a pair of linen shorts sat on your vanity, pulling them on, you take a few steps before collapsing on the bed next to Jools in complete exhaustion. “I’m tired of fucking the same men Jools” you remark.

“The same men, with the same predictable sex routines, the same sized cocks, the same moves. I’m bored. I’m climbing up the walls, Jools. Throw me a bigger bone, I’m begging you.”, You feel Jools eyes on your face, you let your head fall and meet his gaze. He snorts and pulls himself closer to you. You slide your body next to his and he drapes and arm over your waist.

Your foreheads touching, you lay in comfortable silence for a while. You close your eyes miss him protectively watching over you.

“I’m not sure what I can do for you Ol, unless you want me to fuck you myself. We don’t have much new clientele and any we do have seem like the abusive type, so I deliberately don’t send them your way.” he laughs. You ponder his first sentence, unable to tell if he was joking. You try your luck and shift your weight so you’re straddling him.

“Wh.. what the fuck are you doing Ol?”, You decide that he didn’t mean it, judging by his response. You begin to tickle his sides and he goes bright red before kicking you off, you land on the wooden floor with a loud bang.

“OW. That fucking hurt you fuck.” You stand up and cross your arms like a grumpy child. Jools looks at you and sticks out his tongue, you both pause, waiting for the other to break. It is you who laughs first, shortly followed by Jools who snorts, like a little pig. You can’t stay mad at him, he is so sweet, and you started it, after all.

“I was thinking Jools. If you have some time this afternoon, maybe we could go for a walk?” Your schedule was usually so full you don’t have time to visit outside. It was the beginning of the spring too, so everything was just starting bloom, it was one of the things that gave you a little peace and hope.

“I can’t Ol, I can’t leave the others unattended, in case anything happens, you know the rules” his voice holds a little sadness and disappointment, you can tell he’d like nothing more.

“Maybe I can open up a space for you this weekend? Then we can go out together?” Jools doesn’t work weekends; part of his promotion demands of course, but you did.

“Weekend rates are higher and I rea..” Jools cuts you off.

“I will charge one of your regulars more in the week; I’ll make it up for you, pleaaase?” he draws out.

You look at his face and the little boisterous glint in his eyes. You ruffle his hair like a little boy and laugh.

“Sure thing.”, You reply.

[sjcavenaugh]

I'm an artist (oils and trying clay sculpture) without a muse - how did you manage to find inspiration before you met yours? Do you have a writing regime, or do you write in the moment?

Thank you for your ask. I don’t have a regime. I only write when I feel inspired. Or when I feel an uneasiness inside my soul that I need to address and set free.

Before I had a muse, I would often look at a photograph and study the details. Where do the shadows of certain objects fall? What color is an object? How would I describe an object without using any obvious characteristics? Things like that. Then, when I started writing erotica I would see a spicy image and imagine a story between the lovers. I would describe what I saw in my mind—the details of her lingerie. The untamable desire of his touch. The softness of their kiss.

Then I would imagine the story developing until it climaxed, and I would describe that. Once I was satisfied, I would edit it aggressively until I felt it was finished. And then I would delete it or throw it in the trash.

It was a former muse who convinced me to create a Tumblr account and share my work. I was extremely hesitant for many reasons, but mostly because I greatly suffered from, and still do, the worst case of imposter syndrome to ever inflict a man.

I still don’t believe my mindless drivel is appealing enough to warrant sharing. Which is why I don’t sell my work or write for money. I write what inspires me and at the end of the day, I am good with that.

-sjc

[nowlle]

Getting real sick of this.

See when Encanto came out a few months ago, tonnes of people loved it. It was relatable, had fun music, was beautifully animated, and showcased a culture that isn't typically portrayed as often.

Thing is, many people were openly bashing on "white people" for relating to a movie that "wasn't made for them". To be completely fair, there were a fair number of people who tried to take over the narrative and twist the original story into an LGBT one, that issue was fair to criticize. But it wasn't just that issue that people were getting high and mighty over. People all over social media were talking about how they needed to gatekeep the film from every white person because "it wasn't made for them." And they needed to stay out of south American spaces or whatever.

Now, Turning Red just came out. It's about a young "boy hungry" Chinese Canadian girl set during 2002 and it's a coming of age story for her. I and a number of other people didn't really click with this film. I can't really put a finger on why, but I felt like I was on the outside looking in on the film for most of it. I don't think it's a bad film I just don't feel like it suits me. Lots of people have shared this sentiment, and everytime someone shares the opinion, it gets met with people strawmanning and claiming that white people are awful because they suppossedly can't empathize with an Asian Canadian teenager and her plights due to racism and sexism, typical buzzwordy drivel.

But that's what gets me, in both scenarios the response is "it wasn't made for you" whether because they don't like that white people enjoyed/embraced the work, or because they want to get mad at white people for not enjoying the work. And frankly, the idea that people didn't like Turning Red is because 'muh racism' is silly considering the number of disney and Pixar movies that have come out in the past decade that depict cultures from around the world that people of all types loved. How is it that I'm racist for disliking Turning Red while Coco is my favorite Pixar film? I'm not exactly a young music starved Mexican boy but I could still relate to the story. I am however a young woman who grew up in the 2000s and went through puberty, had strict parents and all that stuff shown in the movie but I still didn't relate to Turning Red. I also didn't relate to Pixars "Onward" but no one took issue with that, or the Frozen franchise. It's all so exhausting.