#why am i still broken
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did yall know cricut put a metal strip in the back of their newer Maker 3 that doesn't do anything except pop out after like six months of regular use and force you to call customer service so they can tell you to replace the machine
well they did and instead of calling them and replacing an entire functional fucking machine you can just cut the bar out and put tape over what's left
fuck offfff,
#why are you so mad all the time aria#i don't know probably because i am trying to run a business in 2024 where all my options are absolute dogshit proprietary equipment#anyway this one is new less than a year old and this is the SECOND thing that's broken on it#lee Inherited my old one#that printed thousands of stickers and other shit and is still functioning perfectly to cut fabric for them#this is the exact same model but With New Upgrades :)#because my old one ran so long they don't make it any more#i'm so irritated today jfccccc
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I am such a burden to everyone around me.
#i am a burden#burden#i am a failure#depressed#sad#depression#sadness#broken#crying#lonely#suicidal#suicide#self hate#self harm#cutting#overdose#i want to die#hurt#🐻#why am i still alive#why am i like this#why am i still here#i want to give up#i’m sorry#i’m not okay#actually disabled#actually autistic#nobody will miss me#nobody needs me#nobody wants me
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Something I realized (which was obvious to me subconsciously) is that... The family that vehemently didn't accept me when I first came out but now do accept me are still the same family that I am most unwilling to be open about things I feel protective over.
I remember that my dad reacted so poorly, not to my coming out, but to my transition specifically that my therapist was the one to ask if I wanted to put it on my file that I wanted nothing to ever be shared with him about my health after I broke down multiple times due to my anxiety that I would never transition. While there are and were protections for me, I was incredibly fearful at the time because I was a minor, and I was so worried that he would have prevented my transition that I couldn't have said for certain what (if any) lengths he would have gone to to prevent that.
He's grown a lot as a person, and made some commendable strides. But he didn't find out from me when I medically transitioned the second I turned eighteen, and I think that's among the things that truly made him realize the scope of the issue.
I'm not here to guilt trip parents, guardians, or other members responsible for the care of the children or teens or young adults in their care.... but this is a cautionary tale. You aren't saving the people in your care when you do this, you simply reinforce an idea that you will never care for them, never want them as they are, would rather them be shoved away.
When you give people reasons to be secretive, they will behave secretively. When you give people reasons to doubt their safety around you, they will become sneaky, defensive, and withdrawn. When you give people reasons to doubt that you value their life, they will believe that you don't care if they live or not.
#queer#lgbt#lgbtq#ally advice#transphobia#transphobia tw#i always feel the need to preface that i have a rebuilt relationship with my dad specifically...#...but that my experiences with them have served to me in many ways to illustrate... well... what NOT to do if you are in his situation#i do still grieve that my relationship with him looks very scarred and that it took a long time to get to where he is now#but i recognize that in many ways this is a product of the world and culture we live in and that he lived in#in a world he grew up gay was used as a slur. would i expect that trans people would be treated better?#and he was responsible for how he reacted but also... it's nuanced as to why he reacted so poorly#and i want people to AVOID being like he did if they EVER want a decent relationship with the other person#i want this to be a cautionary tale and that my ending is unique. not all of us are even ABLE to repair a relationship that was THAT broken#some of us die trying. some of us never get closure. some of us are in active danger because of those reactions#and that's the more common reality i have found. most other queer people have no-contact with families who pulled the shit my dad had...#...and that's - frankly - a good idea in 99.9% of cases. i will never judge someone for the way they go about dealing with that#i'm just emphasizing that i am unique in the sense that i was able to somewhat repair that
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His heart was too weak to listen, so I gave him a little bit of mine.
Soon they realized their new creation could do their job for them, finding the broken parts of the Ever After.
#rwby#rwby9#curious cat#ccyy edit#robbie cat#I am still sad about the cat#getting created to do the job your creators got tired of doing#they made you curious about why things happen and break so you know if they need to be fixed#then they leave you to make new creations with more complexity and more free will#able to explore and do more than just their one task#never thinking you could also break or that you would need more to your life than just fixing what's broken#I have a lot of feelings that just boil down to 'I'm sad about the cat'
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it is truly so boring that in a series that hits on racism and sexuality that when talking about racism and sexuality in the show and in the fanbase people act like you are making mountains out of mole hills
#yeah i actually am still thinking abt that armand shit show from the other day#because what pissed me off the most are people acting like its crazy to be like#''Hey! maybe you should think about why you think he is undesired and sexually inept when we shown and told the opposite''#we love talking abt how the writers trust the audience to have two braincells and then get offended when asked use them#and- that poc are not safe from upholding racist steeotypes like i rolled my eyes hard asf#actually because that one blogger that posted their response almost immediately after i dm'd them privately#made some vague post being like ''well we never saw them fuck so '' or sm shit idk#and i just had to accept there was no point in wasting my breath#but i also still wanna talk about it because it Is interesting and it Should be broken down in plain english#but dw ima be talking about iwtv and race/sexuality till the crows come home#char.txt
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hope everyone had alright holidays!
a few days ago when we were driving home in the dark in windy and rainy weather after getting two of my siblings from the train we, for the first time in my lifetime im pretty sure, hit a deer that was crossing the street, none of us saw them before they got caught in the headlights and the first one made it over but we werent yet slow enough to not hit the second one ...
the deer lived but was kinda stunned, my dad pushed it off the street and while we were still on the phone with police it got up and ran away but my parents car got damaged and while its still drivable there are several parts that got bent and since its an older model too it might be hard to get it repaired
anyway, i didnt know deer fur was that grey until i saw it stuck to our bumper :(
merry crisis
#ganondoodles talks#random#personal#we are all fine and i wasnt the one driving#i just feel extra bad bc i was there in the front to help watch out for exactly stuff like that#but it was a weird spot and strange in that weather for them to cross#the police told us there was another accident with deer literally 10 minutes before us in the same area#so maybe thats why it was only two .........#i hope the deer is fine tho im pretty sure it at least has a broken leg#also i hope insurance covers the cost and it wont take too long#im very glad we were slow enough to not kill the deer and also not hurt it bloody bc i am still thinking about how it tumbled across#i am salty about how many people were speeding past us tho#car on the side with warning lights on and all doors open two people in car and two outside putting warning thingies up#if my dad hadnt pushed the stunned deer off the street when no one was coming it would have ended way worse for everyone involved
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im supposed to be studying
#resident evil#resident evil 4#ada wong#I ACCIDENTALLY MADE THIS CANVAS SO SMALL SO I HAD TO RESIZE AND NOW ITS BLURRY AHHHHHHHH#its fine but ITS NOT FINE IT BOTHERS ME SO MUCH LOL#i had to switch mice for this. the other one was so slippery. i dunno if its because its wireless or whatever. that boy go NYOOM#changing the settings didnt help.#anyway. last week i finished the mercenaries and got leons rpd outfit. it was hell. it wasnt but i was in a rush so it was#i think after everything my favorite is still ada cause that grapple gun is everything. the hardest for me was krauser#krauser should have been the easiest cause you just knife everything but i kept slashing dynamite and had to redo the village like 10 times#it was absolute ass. he's the most broken character why would they do that to me#and then immediately after i started on my separate ways professional S+#its funny someone said the S+ was harder than base game. base game's pro S+ burnt me out so bad#i didnt touch the game for months afterward. separate ways S+ was a cake walk after. you dont even have to fight krauser ovo)b#the most difficult parts are probably the double garradors and the countdown to get to leon at the end#immediately after i got all my achievements I was plunged into a depression like no other. plus i had a discrete math midterm on friday#i am SO SAD. WHO WAS I BEFORE SEPARATE WAYS#i did the same silly thing i did when i drew Link. the shine in her hair says 'Ada' because i have to derive joy from somewhere
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a moment of silence for Aaron Minyard he would cry listening to comedown by Maude Latour
#Wе were sixteen we would nеver get carded uh-oh wasn't it fun?#All night in your old apartment uh-oh we were so young so why am I still so broken-hearted?#aftg#all for the game#aaron minyard#this is about the twins btw lmao#twinyards
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Maybe I’ll finally Wanze post soon
#as in a more official lore post like holt awol and sonderbar got#ALSO IM SO SO SORRY I STILL AM GONNA ANSWER THOSE INBOX ASKS J SWEAR#Wanze is on the mind there is bugs in my brain!!! wow just like holt huh#their relationship is wild to me they go from barely knowing each other (occasional hallway acquaintances)#to Wanze essentially having the equivalent of a bag of bricks dropped onto her head#which needs a little or a lot of patching up and Holt does that for her#actually hmmm I wonder if I should more visibly leave some marks of The Oopsie on her face#apart from the permanently broken biores crystals#gotta think on that…#anyway I was especially Thinkin about how Wanze really does resent Holt for a while#it’s complicated it’s not completely Holt’s fault#like she can’t control what happened she can’t bring back her bioresonance she’s a medical eule not a miracle worker#she’ll never really understand what it felt like to be part of that mind link#and that leads to some insensitivity on Holt’s part bc she’s really trying to keep Wanze from decommission here#and Wanze! why are you moping you gotta act normal!! Come on Wanze!#neither of them really get each other bc they’re both not stopping and listening like they need to#but they eventually do#also fun Wanze fact but post head trauma fixup she still has to/wants to go to the kolibri library#for stabilization yknow (she’s a nerdddd <3)#however it’s weird and she hates it bc her fellow kolibris are there.#she does not sing the same song anymore and sticks out like a sore thumb when they’re together now :(#she goes at really weird hours when no one else is there to make sure she doesn’t have to see them#Holt sometimes is able to get ahold of books for her#consider them cuddling together reading#that is all#blorbo tag#wanze#holt#Kolibug
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"god had to nerf me because i was too powerful" - gale dekarios
#i mean.... am i technically wrong?#every time i remember she did that i lose brain cells#and i feel like there's enough evidence to suggest that IS why she did it or at least one of the reasons why beyond just punishing him#because if he was such a prodigy from the beginning and could withstand what the karsite weave did to him*#then he would be equal - if not greater - than her#*obviously there's the danger of the orb but if he's 'content' in the epilogue then it doesn't effect him anymore#if we're believing that IS the reason why and mystra didn't just remotely cure him of symptoms after all#ANYWAY this was all meant to be a silly little joke i imagined gale would say post act 3 when he's over her and has friends#...although i guess you could say that's gale from the beginning when he's trying to cover his broken ego lol#...once again ANYWAY i still barely know the lore and stuff i'm just being silly as a treat#gale of waterdeep#bg3#baldurs gate 3
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uh. vent art. or something. losing yourself and losing everyone who you cared about as a result
#inanimate insanity#inanimate insanity invitational#ii#ii 2#ii 3#inanimate insanity cabby#. that's it#i'm. so so exhausted.#i feel like i'm actually going to throw up from how disgusted i am with myself#of course they wouldn't want to be friends w/me of course they don't like talking to me anymore#i am too broken to even be a good friend#hell even my best friend is leaving my side lately#i don't want to go back. i don't want to see them again tomorrow. i don't want to.#i don't want to feel like i'm insignificant i was doing so good why does it hurt why is it hurting now#i don't want to feel like death is the only solution i don't want to i don't want to be alone i don't want to be forgotten#i don't want to be unloved just because i can't fix myself anymore#i don't have anything to offer anymore i'm so so sorry i wish i did i wish i was still happy and healing#i wish i was i wish i was im sorry i can't.#sigh. well can't do much about it now anyway. uh yeah cabby is my mood rn. also talking about irl friends here.#god this was so bad i need to die rn#cw vent#cw sui mention#i guess#mhm. i think i need a therapist
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i have decided to get really into Survivor as my next personality trait
#i watched almost all of Lost but as soon as they were not on an island trying to survive all of my interest evaporated and i didnt finish it#i would be SOOOO GOOOOOD at being stranded in the wilderness guys... i have longed to try it since i was a child#yes this is bc i read Hatchet at a formative age probably#anyway survivor is still not enough actual Survival for me but i do like the competitions and mind games too so#ramblings#and most importantly of all. there is no plot and i do not have to actually pay attention or really even look at the screen#anywya yes it has now been over 1 year since i have been able to go backpacking why do you ask#fr i am broken if i dont get my camping trips in this suckkssss
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"You're pretty new at this whole relationship thing, huh?"
"... Yeah."
#outer range s2#outer range s2 spoilers#outer range 02x01#maria olivares#rhett abbott#isabel arraiza#lewis pullman#rhett x maria#um... idk i love them#but why would they do this to me? it's gonna sting so much when they break up#her teasing him is my favorite thing#but also her calling him ''wonderful''? my god the squeal i let out...#the smallest little smile and the way he looked at her before he said ''good'' after she said she likes how she feels when she's with him?!#now i'm rhett going ''don't do this'' but instead of with his truck it's with the show#my biggest gripe is that she doesn't help him that much with his broken arm... except maybe to help him shower? /hj#i get why he was the one to get the snacks... it was for the impact of the scene but still#it's great to see them laughing and smiling so much! love that!#i think she smiled at least once while her poor boyfriend was getting freaked out by cats#he could not keep a straight face for that long after saying ''what does that leave me?''#i wonder what he was gonna say before she said she liked how she feels when she's with him... was he giving her an out?#he has NOTHING pleasant to say about her not even a ''thank you'' after being called wonderful smh /j#tw: food?#my girl didn't even say ''bless you'' when he starting sneezing :(#i switched the last picture because i like the way they were smiling at each other when he got onto the bed#after maria laughs in the car after the buffalo run past them i think i can hear the lowest ''so are we-'' or ''sorry''?#and i think that may be because lew thought isa broke character?? but i'm not too sure... maybe it's rhett apologizing#but idk? maybe it's just rhett saying sorry because he felt self-conscious about maybe sounding stupid... or maybe i'm just hearing things#i think the way he even said ''okay'' after she took all the snacks was similar to the way she said it before she grabbed the snacks#look i understand not getting a shower scene but they truly robbed me of seeing rhett and maria with wet hair...#just another little nitpick but i think the ''i like who i am when i'm with you'' would hit harder if we saw maria in scenes without rhett
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#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#good heavens.... .#lobotomy corporation spoilers#SOMEHOW#lobotomy corp spoilers#carmen lobcorp#listen. i have an explanation okay. it doesnt make sense but it was funny in my head#adam has an earing. thought it would be funny if it was just from ayin . is it? not quite sure#text explanation carmen wanted to do diy piercings in the outskirts and ayin went 'nuh uh safety issues' before caving and#making her practice and do it first on him to make sure it goes well and taken care of correctly before she does it on herself#thus the one ear piecing is born. the alternative joke was that it was just clip on. am i going to question the clothing? nah#mind fuckery the facility is made outa thay too. could that also be for the earing and tatoo? yeah. is it more funny to me thos way? yeah#no idea how the hell adam speaks by the way we ball w that . tatoo is just a sharpie as well dont know why there would be any way to put ink#to skin in an efficient manner. besides mind fuckery which is also totally acceptable but null for the sake of shitty comedy#adam lobcorp#ayin lobcorp#thats it. yup. the only spoilers i have is ayins appearance and name actually. only thing i knew going in. so i suppose this will do#(im procrastinating day 49 i know i can do it but im in agony thinking abt it)#also thought it funny at the idea of an piercing made by carmen's hands ending up being used by the facet of A that is carrying out her will#even still even if it is in the most absurd and irrational way possible. wanting to give freedom and realization and the ability to not#have to just survive but be free to live inside the world with their desires and wants in the most 'purest' and 'strongest' form for all#even if it is a SHIT PLAN!!! established broken man whayever ill bully adam regardless
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you ever just think about. “You are diseased, albeit a disease of our own making. No more.” you ever just. oh, they made him and they discarded him. it’s never going to be quiet again for him, and that’s just collateral. they let the sound rot through his whole life, his whole timeline. because that’s the kind of easy sacrifice you can make when you want to save yourself above everything else, one that doesn’t ask anything of you. you dig open a child’s mind and you bury your survival inside him and when he follows the noise back home, when he does exactly what you groomed him for, you call him ruined for it. that’s. you ever just think about that.
#it’s genuinely such a horrifying sixkening thing that they unveil. what was done to the master.#and it’s like. it’s so important that he is awful. he really is. but he still does not deserve to have had this done to him.#the drums are a tragedy that cannot. would not. be a punishment earned no matter how terrible he is.#they’re such a violation of his mind. isolating and constant and violent. and it drives me insane that this is just. in the show. okay cool#ill never be normal again.#they literally pulled his head open. during a ceremony that we. as far as i know. have to assume is not exactly voluntary. and is at the#best of times. already traumatic and horrifying. but they went into that moment and they put the drums in his head and they made him into#something repulsive to them. because they did that to him! in this thing alone the master had no agency and no way out and this thing that#was done *to* him is what makes him. to them. a broken thing now past its usefulness now that he’s done what they wanted him to.#sorry im rotating him in my head again and again. this is the thing that makes him ‘diseased’. it’s that they chose to do this to him. there#is nothing he could do to not be this. he was a child and there was nothing he could do to stop it from happening. he’s an adult and he’s#doing the impossible exactly like they shaped him to do and he can’t stop this from having happened to him. so he might as well follow the#drums. and then. and then rassilon calls him diseased. and im going to. lose it.#there was nothing he could have done…………..#everywhere else he has choices to make and he can burn the world and keep it as a toy and he can fuck with the doctor and he can do.#anything. anything he wants. but he can’t. there’s nothing he can do to make it stop. there’s nothing he can do to make it so this never#happened to him. and i am spinning in circles here do u see why he makes me insane.#and the doctor doesn’t even really fucking believe him that the drums are real until the master makes him listen……. oh im going to be ill.#doctor who#simm!master#the master
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Parallels: Tara and Kennedy standing up for Willow.
#buffy the vampire slayer#tillow#willowkennedy#-am probably murdered by the fandom for this parallel as everyone hates kennedy. but oh well-#so i started out making this on microsoft paint. because i didn't feel like digging out my broken laptop to use sony vegas. but then paint#got stupid. and wouldn't let me change the color of the text for tara's dialogue. so i had to get it out anyway. so that's why tara's maybe#looks different#and now i kind of wish i'd used it for all of it. but i'm too lazy to redo the parts i already did. also i messed up and willow said 'we'#need a barrier instead of 'you'. but paint is still being dumb and won't let me fix it. alas#btvs#buffy#willow rosenberg#and it's rona who says 'try?!' even though it might not look like it#tara maclay#kennedy
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