#why am i really so mad ** *** * ********** ***
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anna-scribbles · 1 year ago
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last one i promise(<—lie)
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giantkillerjack · 2 years ago
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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kithj · 29 days ago
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some stories are written precisely to elicit strong emotions from the reader INCLUDING negative ones. some stories and characters are meant to be upsetting, they are meant to challenge you and make you uncomfortable!! when a story makes you feel Big Feelings sometimes you are meant to sit in those feelings and ask yourself why! fiction is a great space to explore these emotions in a safe environment. you, as the reader, are meant to think critically about the art you are enjoying and that includes asking yourself questions like why has the author presented their art in this way and what are they trying to tell me. and then you get to have fun picking it apart and figuring it out and deciding what, exactly, the art means to you.
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lacystar · 16 days ago
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it wouldn't even matter if he did "shit on you behind your back" when you "never say anything back." the thing it absolutely boils down to is that you knew him when he was a minor and he has come forward saying that because of your influence and power, he felt uncomfortable around you. any POSSIBLE comeback other than an apology ends there. slur or no slur, any other response to that is bad. or, is it just that someone underage you've hurt in the past telling the truth about you only scares you when you know they have the public influence to protect themself?
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kingprinceleo · 6 months ago
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desert vampires au-killing him killing him killing him killing him
this is the beautiful stage of designing i like to call Banging my head into rocks until something falls into place, with a side of screaming and crying and rage . everything just feels Slightly Off in this stage and its genuinely the most infuriating thing ever
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olive-man · 13 days ago
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early years
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and more stuff down here
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just doodles, and a very stressed out me. thought this was a perfect time to post since i’m actually going back to school tomorrow for my last semester of high school lol. happy late new years btw (oh and brony headcanon i got from @bonkerbuster69 . you are cooooollll)
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iinryer · 8 months ago
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i have GOT to stop “View Post”ing filtered posts. like. girl. you filtered it for a reason. we know exactly what’s going to be there and that it’s going to piss you off
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addicted-to-the-knife · 7 months ago
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I think it's very important that we bring back this inherent understanding that actors are also just some fucking guys (gender neutral)
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oidheadh-con-culainn · 1 year ago
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two questions to ask yourself when you start looking for pre-christian material in medieval literature:
1. when are these texts from
2. when did christianity come to this area
i can guarantee you in the vast majority of celtic-language sources (and others) the answer to 2. is several centuries before 1. and at that point you gotta ask yourself... how likely is it that these people would be writing about something that has not been a thing for them or anyone they know for, like, four hundred years (or, in many cases, eight or nine hundred years), especially given that most of the people doing that writing are not merely passively existing in a christian society but are, yunno, monks
there are exceptions! but there are way fewer exceptions than you think there are gonna be! and the exceptions are almost always extremely nebulous sub layers that can't be disentangled from the other layers (which are christian) with any certainty so are always somewhat speculative!
and most importantly those other layers are interesting too, but if you only ever treat them like dirt to dig through to get to something "real" underneath you're sure gonna be disappointed a lot of the time (and you're gonna miss a lot of cool shit that would be really exciting if this was an actual archaeological dig and not a metaphor)!!
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cluescorner · 9 months ago
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I cannot imagine being a Damian stan right now. You've got both Zdarsky's bullshit (where he clearly doesn't give a shit about your boy) and The Boy Wonder (where Juni Ba clearly gives so many shits about your boy) coming out on the same day. The whiplash must be insane. I hope y'all get some nice warm soup for your efforts jfc
#damian wayne#damian al ghul#damian al ghul wayne#batman#batfamily#for all of the issues that come with having Steph as your fave having too much wild shit happening at once is never one of them#btw I quite like The Boy Wonder Issue 1. wow shocker an artist and writer who I have liked everything they've ever done#has once again written something that I am enjoying with art that makes me want to be part of its world.#it's almost like Juni Ba is really freaking talented or something#like I have some problems with it but it seems like many of those are part of the point. Damian is learning that his siblings are more#three-dimensional than he realized and that is part of this 'coming of age' story merged with fairytale#so I can't be mad at the oversimplistic defining of Dick and Jason and Tim until the conclusion of the series. that might be the point.#I hope that the series will address Steph as a Robin but if not then frankly it's not an issue unique to this series.#I'll be annoyed and disappointed but ultimately roll with it like I am with Babsgirl being here. There's too much good stuff here to get#hung up on shit that seems to be almost an editorial mandate at this point. at least that's where I'm at.#I am also very sorry that Chip Zdarsky is massacring your boy. he has 'X (Tim for him) is the best Robin so everyone else must suck' diseas#where a writer really likes one specific Robin and in trying to uplift them demeans all of the other Robins. instead of like...just writing#for that one character only or alternatively not demeaning the other characters in order to make his blorbo look good#it's wild because I actually think his writing for Tim is pretty solid. but he's not writing a Tim series. he's writing a Batman series.#and if you are going to write a Batman series and include other Batfamily members you need to actually write them well.#instead of assigning them like 2 personality traits while Tim gets to be a whole character#I accept that behavior in fanfic where I have lesser standards because it's fucking free. not a comic run that wants me to pay#tens of dollars in order to understand what the fuck is going on. he's been going for a while now it's gotta be a lot of money.#I can buy Steelworks with that money. I can see John Henry and Natasha Irons in a trade. Fuck you Chip.#it's why it takes such a special person to write a good ensemble story/a good Batfamily story. you have to be good at writing a LOT#of different characters. which I don't think most people are. I sure as hell am not. I can write maybe 3 at a time confidently well.#and you also have to give all of them at least SOME love or else people will be upset that you aren't focusing on their fave#and also the writing as a whole will suffer. Chip Zdarsky is a pretty good Tim writer. I'd maybe read a Tim solo written by him.#I would not read a story focusing on multiple characters that I like written by Chip Zdarsky. because every character who isn't Tim#is at least a bit weak/inconsistent/out of character INCLUDING FUCKING BATMAN. THE NO. 1 GUY MOST ARE HERE FOR
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happi-dreams · 3 months ago
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so me and my sister just rewatched both the lego movies and we have just been yapping to each-other ever since and i really need to talk about emmet as a autistic character and the movies in general because GOD—
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Emmet autism power time wao
In the beginning of the first movie, Emmet is the only person we see who consistently refers to the instructions and carries it around throughout his day — kinda being a ‘script’ that other autistic people use to fit in with others or use with social situations except instead of being internalised rules it’s a *literal* instruction book (which he has many of). This being a representation of the expectations that society expects of him and the unspoken rules he needs to follow; he’s been essentially wearing a mask throughout his whole life in an attempt to fit in, but even then his peers still see him as different due to them not following the instructions as closely as he does, causing a disconnect that Emmet couldn’t know about because he assumed everyone is doing the same as him.
But by the end of the first movie, Emmet realises that he can be himself and can focus on what makes him, *him*!! Rather than constantly following what others expects of him, he unlocks the ability to master-build and uses it for specifically things that interest him and what he wants (e.g the construction robot and the double decker couch!).
This lead into the beginning of the second movie, after 5 years Emmet is now living by his own life by his own rules, he still follows instructions but this time he makes it himself! He knows that routine and it makes him the most comfortable so he continues to do it but by his own terms. (akin to how autistic people (me) use specific routines and plans to make their day to day easier).
He’s also shown to be the only person who’s appearance hasn’t changed at all, still sticking to his optimistic demeanour because it’s an integral part of his identity as a person and by not conforming to the expectations of society he’s in, he’s being himself and valuing what makes him unique — building things that are specific to solely him.
In the Christmas tree short he’s the head of the construction crew sequence team, in the movie he builds a comfortable home with all of his interests and personality stuffed inside! But it is immediately disregarded as ‘not serious’ and ‘too bright/clean/friendly’ and dangerous to society (dangerous to the views society wants him to conform to) — with that critique of his home then being an indirect critique of his character and who he is as a whole, that he cannot or should not be himself anymore, that he needs to change and be more serious, more mature, this evident key reignites the feelings of insecurity in Emmet that he should not need to feel again following the events of movie 1.
Considering Rex Dangervest as a character; this is a version of Emmet we see as who, after being stuck in a dryer and wallowing in feelings of betrayal and anger, conforms to what his old peers wanted from him, putting on another mask now of maturity. He changes his entire appearance, emphasising the change while also burying his past identity.
However, even though he’s being what others wanted of him, he’s still doing it for himself and to attempt to squash or bury the deep insecurity he now has. He’s learned that instructions aren’t needed anymore, which is yet another thing he has completely removed from his identity now and in an attempt to be as un-himself as possible, he lives his life impulsively and destructively — his entire crew being composed of raptors than people, reflecting his distrust of people and further separating himself from them, furthering his isolation in toe.
Rex is also a unreliable narrator, lying about his accomplishments and playing it up to further conform into this mask he has created and making himself seem much more special and interesting than what he may actually be, using this to push himself further away from who he used to be (quite similar to Lucy actually, but taken even further through him taking what everyone says about him literally).
But back to Emmet, when he meets Rex he is in a vulnerable point in his life both in situation and emotionally, he’s unsure of whether he should be himself or how others feel about him. He wants to be loved and known by others and not being ignored like he was in the beginning of the first movie, he’s clearly willing to change himself in order to achieve this goal even if it’s not good for him, Rex had (has) this same insecurity and feeds into this intentionally, encouraging Emmet to change himself and grow tougher and stronger mirroring what his peers used to do with him, showing a cycle of hurt that is caused because of those words and actions.
Emmet changes *insanely* quickly, learning the master-breaking ability immediately as opposed to Rex who likely needed years to perfect it, likely pushing most of his feelings deep down and even though he’s accepted more of himself at the beginning of the second movie, his whole life before then was constant repression and masking, the instructions he was given by society actively told him what to do and how to feel, how to answer others but he was never given an outlet for any negative emotions.
That many years of repression cannot be undone such a short time, but Rex gives him a destructive outlet to vent his emotions rather than a constructive one — furthering what Rex wants Emmet to be and what Rex sees as good now because of his own trauma, wishing to now better his past self and help him realise the ‘truth’ earlier than he did, both to help Emmet but also protect him from what Rex had to go through but in the end hurting Emmet anyways.
In conclusion,
Emmet is uber duper autistic and he should be able to get a therapist and also be silly *drops mic*
I have more I wanna yap about but imma give myself a lil break cause i have like, a whole talk about the second movie plus a rewrite of the entire dryer bit plus fun things but ye
But i really hope this sounded good !! if you have literally anything to add or rebuttal please let me know! :D
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triptychofvoids · 2 months ago
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are u a medic fictionkin? /gq sorry im just really confused
there are some questions that science just cant answer-
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bidokja · 3 months ago
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I thought you kin kdj?
anon i hope this is a joke cause if this is a genuine question it is the singlemost scathing read i have ever recieved in my life 👏 bravo
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valewritessss · 4 months ago
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The amount of criticism and hate the wottg book is getting makes me scared to like it bc it feels like if I do then I’m doing something wrong😅
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sneppu · 3 months ago
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Thoughts on the Sneep fandom itself (not Sneep thoughts, but rather thoughts about thoughts about the Sneep thoughts)
ah but the truth is that The snapetwt is offputting to me, its so different from The Sneep environment here on tumblr or on bluesky. I think its because people on there are The Youths™ and they come across as just?? oddly overaggressive about literally everything to me? even if they probably arent at all! but my not-great-at-reading-tone ass sees all the yelling and hyperbole and it flags The Conflict alarm in my brain and im just like... everyone is scary. But to be fair its not unique to The Sneep side of it, it seems true for most of the hp fandom on twt it seems? or maybe just twitter in general (though i dont feel the ff7 fandom was like this??) idk. also I dont like how often I see reposted art and the like; sometimes its credited, but in a way where it doesnt actually help find the artist? like bro, say the site they're on at LEAST. I also highly doubt they've gotten permission to repost to begin with but thats a whole other can of worms But here on tumblr (and also bluesky) everything is calm, for the most part. I feel like a simple farmer, tending to a harvest of Sneeps, whom I've planted for the village, and every once in a while, someone comes by and takes a Sneep. twitter is like a crowded market full of yelling, agitated people, and theres Sneeps, but you are likely to die 5000 times on the way to the Sneep. its what it feels like at least. But an exception is the eastern Sneep fandom, where people are calm and post their Sneeps and muse about silly little Sneep things. somehow, despite the language barrier, I've felt more drawn to interact with the Korean Sneep Fandom than I have with the the general western Sneep fandom.
uhhh basically:
twitter is shitty, I know this
BUT ff7 twitter has been mostly very peaceful for me always
BUT BUT ff7 twitter - at least in the circles im in - has an older fanbase on average
ALSO korean sneep twitter is also very calm and enjoyable
CONCLUSION: its a western youth thing (does check out with other things ive noticed in general)
ALSO CONCLUSION: hp twt specifically, seems more prone to this, a lot of it seems to come from mstans i think?
VERDICT: the environment doesnt really vibe with me at all, and it all seems so exhausting. I'm glad I found my little niche in korean Sneep twt bc my god, I'd be so cooked otherwise.
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angelpuns · 3 months ago
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Me looking at the super long definitely TMI diary-type vent post in my drafts: haha yeah you're gonna live there forever until I delete you <3
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