#why always our lives?
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the way that one line from the new epilogue in an astarion romance is going to HAUNT me
just. what a profoundly intense thing to confess to someone.
like, just these six months of newfound happiness with you exerts a force on his heart equal and in direct opposition to two centuries of endless torment, the gnawing hunger and exploitation. this flashbulb-bright fraction of his long life holds the same gravity to him as years upon years of darkness and suffering.
in all likelihood, he hasn’t even known his lover for as long as his worst memory lasted, that year sealed away to go mad from starvation and sensory deprivation, yet he still tells them this brief time has been so fundamentally and powerfully important that the weight of even that unimaginable hell is vanishingly small compared to this present he has now and the future ahead of them both.
how am i supposed to act normal about this.
#i need to lay down#just drop this in there right at the beginning why not!#that’s INTENSE. and completely sincere considering his demeanor at the party. god#he’s so… nice. in the romanced epilogue. i expected him to be a little smug and jokey#if tav told him the others weren’t doing so hot without the two of them around#but he takes it so genuinely and with visible disappointment?? literally shocked me#i thought he would say oh of course their lives have taken a turn without our impressive leadership lol!#and then redirect into something a little less flippant#but man. he just gets sad. astarion six months into a loving relationship is like a stray cat that instantly gets cuddly when you adopt it#dude went cotton candy marshmallow saccharine sweet in a HEARTBEAT#bless the others with your presence he says. i’ll always be here he says. we have forever after all he says.#head in my hands. how could they do this to me#astarion ancunin#astarion bg3#astarion#bg3 epilogue spoilers#bg3 spoilers#baldur’s gate 3 spoilers#bg3
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Still always looking for ways to use this cardigan in things because I really like all the silly little pictures on it, but it doesn't match with much since it's such a bright pinky kind of color. but is similar to these very fluffy shoes lol
#mori kei#ish... i guess lol#jfashion#ootd#The ancient sparkle tights making a reappearance. I think Ive had them for like 12 years lol#Many of the stones have fallen off and been glued back on#self#oh if only I weren't the most hot natured person on the planet.. so I could actually wear such heavy coat things outside#I mean in daily life I am indeed layered head to toe even in the summer but like.. light layers.#I could NEVER wear a thick sweater or knit cardigan or etc. in daily activities. even in the middle of winter#It can be like 25F outside I will still start sweating if I have too heavy of a coat on.#I don't like being touched without clear notification and permission (no spontanous hugs or etc) since#I just dont like the sudden sensory jarringness of unexpectdly having someone in my personal space and etc#so I really don't make contact with others often at all even people I live with or etc#But occasionally with a close friend or family member our hands might touch for some reason (handing them something. comparing#hand size or color. etc.) and people are ALWAYS like 'wow oh my god why are you so hot?' or like 'oh your hand is so freakishly warm'#lol.. It is I.. the wizard with blood of fire... sadly cursed to never wear cool little cardigans and knit things..#also this is the primary root of my hatred for summer. Putting me in any environmnet over like 65F degrees is like... impossible for me#to stay cool.. .. wintertime my beloved... global warming my BELOATHED
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giftober day twenty seven - blue
#sentai#giftober2024#'i'll pick nine :)'#*3 hours later. bleeding. crying* 'best i can do is 15'#some blues in their cockpits - both shared and solo#ngl i love when two members share a mecha#are they closer to each other than they are to the rest of the team?#in sync enough to control the same components...#i imagine the giant fights are some of the scariest moments these guys have to live through#surely you'd feel different about the one person you can look at when you think you're about to be crushed like a fish in a can#i think this is why i love whole team combined cockpits#it emphasises the whole 'united to control our giant robot together' element#always a lil sad when no combined cockpit 😔😔😔
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walter white from breaking bad
Walter Hartwell White (Breaking Bad) is an Anime Girl!
#my name is walter hartwell white. i live at 308 negra arroyo lane albuquerque new mexico 87104. this is my confession. if youre watching thi#s tape im probably dead. murdered by my brother in law hank schrader. hank has been building a meth empire for over a year and using me as#is chemist. shortly after my 50th birthday hank came to me with a rather shocking proposition. he asked that i use my chemistry knowledge t#cook methamphetamine which he would then sell using his connections in the drug world. connections that he made through his career with the#DEA. i was... astounded. i always thought that hank was a very moral man and i was thrown. confused. but i was also particularily vulner#able at the time. something he knew and took advantage of. i was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. han#took me on a ride along and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. and i was weak. i didnt want my family to#go into financial ruin so i agreed. every day i think back at that moment with regret. i quickly realized that i was in way over my head an#hank had a partner. a man named gustavo fring. a business man. hank essentially sold me into servitude to this man and when i tried to quit#fring threatened my family. i didnt know where to turn. eventually hank and fring had a falling out. from what i can gather hank was always#pushing for a greater share of the business to which fring flatly refused to give him and things escalated. fring was able to arrange uh i#uess you could call it a hit. on my brother in law. and failed but hank was seriously injured. and i ended up paying his medical bills whic#amounted to a little over 177000. upon recovery hank was bent on revenge working with a man named hector salamanca. he plotted to kill frin#and did so. in fact the bomb that he used was built by me and he gave me no option in it. i have often contemplated suicide but i am a cowa#d. i wanted to go to the police but i was frightened. hank had risen in the ranks to become head of the DEA and about that time to keep me#n line he took my children. for 3 months he kept them.my wife who up until that point had no idea of my criminal activities was horrified t#learn what i had done. why hank had taken our children. we were scared. i was in hell i hated myself for what i had brought upon my family.#recently i tried once again to quit to end this nightmare and in response he gave me this. i cant take this anymore. i live in fear every#ay that hank will kill me or worse hurt my family. i... all i could think to do was make this video in hope that the world will finally see#this man for what he really is.#breaking bad#walter white#your fave is an anime girl#your fave is#hall of fame
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Ok. I have listened to the people. I have watched the thing. It is very wholesome.
Kazu comes home. He is hopeless and tipsy. And he swings between excited and wasted.
#I am SICK of Miri’s voice ngl#I know kids are loud. And make a mess of EVERYthing. That’s why i stay away.#But for Kazurei ; I made it to the end#They are precious#Rei is so cute I love this guy#He has 0 human skill and still is effortlessly hilarious and a little cutie 👏💖#i wish we had more of their relationship bc they have sth really special#They never question their trust in each other like it never crosses their mind. They disagree almost all the time but they never part#It’s more natural than breathing. They’re always saying stuff like « it’s not fit to involve other people in our way of life »#it’s not even an option to live apart. They clearly will spend all their lives together#Except that scene it’s so weird when Kazu says « hum with Miri gone we don’t have a reason to live together anymore » lol man#Not as if you guys were already joined at the hip before meeting her. But I get the «the family life changed us now sth’s missing#and it feels incomplete ». But still guys. You are soul mates.#Also the « of course he comes with me. He’s my partner. » line 💕💍#even if at some point they meant to part ways ; really they can’t be separated.#kazurei#No homo daddies#Buddy daddies#kazuki x rei#Domestic gays
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"Autistic people are more likely to split fictives" source? Do you have a source? Do you have a source that isnt a tiktok video? Do you have a source that isnt a bunch of fakers and self dxers playing a game of telephone and using "this is my personal experience" as the proof?
#actually did#actually dissociative#did#dissociative identity disorder#dissociative#syscourse#autism#actually autistic#i always fucking hate this one because its ALWAYS the same response#either random tiktok user who self dxed autism and DID as the source#or 'this is understudied so of course there arent sources and you're just fakeclaiming my Lived Experience'#there could potentially be various reasons why someone might split more or less of a specific alter type#but there is not a single legitimate scientific source I've been given for how or why people insist autistic = more fictives#our system has ONE and im diagnosed with both#so im gonna need a real fucking source if you're gonna push that correlation as a causation chief
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new heretek bioloigis image bc ive neglected her and decided shed make a random drukhari into her walking servo skull
#why did she not just repair his wounds? thats what hes wondering tbh#as always she goes untagged because i am scared#i cant decide if she lives in commorragh or just finds drukhari raids and tags along for a bit until they realise wait that wrack isnt ours#also be aware this is very. she has a functioning vox. she just beeps. not binharic though#rare for her to speak. her servo skull tm is chattier though bc she took away his vocal chords for no good reason
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also???????? jiro got put on a team with sasara, sang with kuukou and is now beefing with samatoki in hypdream, like ichiro who atp LMAO
#this is vee speaking#and saburo was on a team with jakurai and sang with ramuda#idk what they’re doing with that but i see you hypmic lmao#but like as far as i’m concerned ichiro’s always just said samatoki menacingly and without honourifics as means of insulting him#ichiro said samatoki had one brain cell once and that was an insult he borrowed from jakurai lmao and you know what else he borrowed????#‘ahotoki’ lmao and the first time we ever heard that iirc!!!!! was jiro yelling it at samatoki in war war war#so jiro’s got ichiro beat tbh lmao go ahead and steal ichiro’s rival jiro why not spice up all our lives LOL
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Joining XHS was a good decision because now I know a singular 16oz water bottle costs $0.25 USD in China and now I get to tell the rest of you that 1 SINGLE 16OZ WATER BOTTLE IN CHINA COSTS 25 CENTS HOLY SHIT I WISH THAT WAS US SO BAD
If Donald Trump can't get all local US water bottle brands to sell individual bottles at 25 cents in 1 month from now- I NEVER want to hear any of you motherfuckers who voted for him to speak ever again
#mun post#us politics#china has problems but damn I see why their people are generally happy#a single bottle of water can run you $1-$5 right now depending in where you live and what's avalible#xiaohongshu#little red book#tiktok ban#hey#maga#you motherfuckers aware that China have water bottles for a quarter and their McDonald's have BF sizes that are 3x our large for under $3#we could be like them but nooooooo you HOOOOES want to always be racist first- class conscious second#trump literally said on the 14th he's still gonna raise tariffs even tho we all know everything will become more expensive for us consumers#WE AREN'T JUST COOKED - WE ARE SO DEEP FRIED THAT WE'RE BURNT#dude chinese netizens are so nice too and have free health resources to explain what chemicals the FDA hasn't banned that causes obesity#like oh my god they are 10x more consumerist than us but holy shit US companies do not give us quality shit at all un comparison#also they ban quack and psuedoscience on their social media- it is so great
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my favorite interpretations of supernatural are always the ones about the power of love. it doesn't matter how many times the show says "love saves the world," it gets me every single time.
#it's also why abandoning it in the finale felt like such a shocking failure to me#that's a separate issue though#i think the show is at its best when it leans into the power of love message#goodbye stranger. for example.#and i am (unfortunately) always thinking about how we are supposed to take the messages of the show and bring them into our lives#i have a much easier time applying the lesson 'love unabashedly' than the lesson 'you are doomed' 🙃#and i prefer the former. especially in the context of the modern world.#spn
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no, love is something that should be encouraged and celebrated instead.
#maybe this is Sarang's biggest character development#really hope two actors both have sensed something from this and have enough courage to live their life as they want#and love the person they want to love with a proud heart and head raised#either with each other or someone else#Junho#Yoona#King the Land#Lee Junho#always next to Junho#It’s Junho’s season now#2pm#SNSD#I put my heart into every gifset I’ve made#omg can't belive this is our final week#the last 3 months have been a roller coaster to me cause tbh I've been very giffing since the first trailer#whole heartedly#tiredlessly#willingly#happily#I totally understand why people don't like this drama cause I wouldn't have watched it either if these two hadn't casted in#but it's because romcom isn't my genre#doesn't mean this romcom didn't do its job#parallels
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killing people who don’t get an animals consent before touching them &/or ignore when animals are visibly uncomfortable with being touched.
#MOTHERS FRIEND DOING THIS WITH OUR CAT RN IM PISSED.#SHE DIDNT EVEN GIVE TOFU ANY TIME TO SNIFF OR ANYTHING??#Sigh.#tofu came downstairs to see what was up bc person was in the house#But person just immediately started petting her#even tho tofu was visibly uncomfortable and clearly just wanted a sniff test or sm#went to my room asap after that and tofu followed quick on my heels#obvs I let her sniff as much as she wants before petting her (if she even wants fuss) so she had a sniff and very much seemed to want fuss#so I gave her a few strokes and then sorta checked in and she swirled around and bumped her head into my hand (all the while her tail was#pointed straight up with the tip quivering a little every few moments - a sign of happiness/excitement to see a familiar person)#so we had cuddles for a bit until she hopped off my chest to go get water or sm :3#BUT I DONT GET WHY MORE PEOPLE DONT HAVE SIMPLE WHOLESOME INTERACTION WITH THEIR CAT LIKE THIS??#LIKE. CATS ARE SENTIENT. THEY SEEK AUTONOMY - ESPECIALLY BODILY AUTONOMY. WHY TF WOULD YOU NOT LET THEM GIVE/DENY CONSENT??#like. if you aren’t willing to learn enough about an animal to understand when it’s unhappy at the very least *why* would you interact with#one?? (This person literally has a cat as well.)#idk man these are the same sorts of people that’d probably do the ‘awww just give me a hug! I’m your auntie(/whatever)! why can’t i have a#hug? 🥺’ sorta thing.. like. BRO. It isn’t my/the cat ‘s fucking job to regulate/look after your own grown ass feelings.#SIGH..#just. The fact this person has like.. met tofu once. Lived in the same house as her for maybe 4/5 days one time and thinks the cat is#obligated to put up with her or whatever.#(This is how I imagine people be acting around cats when they’re like ‘idk man cats just don’t like me! Cats are just independent by nature#I’m just stood there having to listen to them shit talk a whole species bc they don’t understand consent (or at least don’t universally#value it - eg; with children; with animals) ANYWAYS. CATS ARE A SOCIAL SPECIES WHO HAVE DEVELOPED TO LIVE CLOSELY WITH AND DEPEND ON HUMANS#THEYRE OFTEN VERY AFFECTIONATE AND LOVING AND FORM LASTING RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEIR HUMANS AND WILL MOURN THEIR DEATH PROBABLY MORE THAN#HALF OF THE HUMANS WHO ATTENDED THEIR FUNERAL.)#If tofu doesn’t like you I don’t like you mate. I am wholeheartedly willing to cut people off if they act wrong with my cat - like - BRO.#IVE KNOWN HER LONGER THAN I HAVE MOST OTHER PPL IN MY LIFE. SHES GOT ME THROUGH WORSE AND IS ALWAYS HAPPY N EXCITED TO SEE ME.#That cat has done more for me than you ever have! She loves me with her whole fucking soul and I her with mine. If she picks up the wrong#vibes from you/you break any of her clearly set boundaries we are DONE.#(Obvs /nbh - nobody here. & generally lighthearted but uhh yeah needed to rant abt this bc I care strongly abt it and other ppl should too)
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attempt to idly discuss concept of custom wedding vows with 🌸 ground to a halt after the realization that neither of us actually, like, wants to try to figure out what the fuck we'd be promising
can you do custom vows, but instead of vows to do stuff, it's just a list of the superbly good qualities of the other person in order to make it clear why any rational actor would agree that you should obviously plan to keep hanging out with them as long as possible
#getting married is not really a thing id be doing in order to concretize any promise that isn't 'we really really want to keep doing this#and want to experience various economic benefits of that desire and also invite my family to celebrate about how great 🌸 is'#it's not that i don't consider us to have commitments to each other it's just like. the vows would be essentially 'i promise to try to have#continuity of personality with my current self to the extent that that bears on the qualities that make our relationship work well'#i don't know why it bothers me so much. but the idea of idk. promising to always listen to 🌸 or whatever feels genuinely horrible#it's sort of. parodic? either i'm doing it and/or have given good reason to believe i would be receptive to and capable of working toward i#or not. and either way. why are our families watching us reiterate that information.#on the other hand i would REALLY like to get up and give a speech about 🌸's innumerable deeply admirable qualities which strongly#motivate me to continue living with and knowing and supporting them.#so if i do that instead. do you think anyone will like. notice.#box opener#i guess it's good to realize that i have a STRONG IDEOLOGICAL OPPOSITION TO WEDDING VOWS before we're publicly engaged#but also. we are really rejecting a lot of the wedding concept. it's possible this is going to end up being two speeches and a dance party.#a rabbi can stand nearby. for ambiance.
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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actually I’ve had a lot of thoughts about what John opened his mouth about in regards to Solas and his disregard for people. So grief is hilarious in how it makes us act, and the loss of people - no matter how great or small can reframe how grief sees power and emotion moving forward.
now I’m allowing myself some room to play based off some dialogue that Solas did it for the people and every loss was calculated and saying he was too tired to clock into his management shift is shitty. There are ways to write him away from management and being in charge of so many lives. Varric threw a stink about it in The Missing and did it anyways ( foils ), solas built a network while in inq and let it go because of the losses seen rather he was too tired for target that day.
Varric gave up being a spymaster due to his bleeding love of people; give solas the same thing
#.bullshit ( ooc )#You: why is it always grief#Me: the condition of our lives is to move through emotions grief is just an emotion#Solas is also an emotion so giving up people in lieu of what he needs is doing it out of grief#But Elisa what do you mean - grief makes people do things differently than you would expect#Anyways I don’t write him but passing dialogue anymore but the stupid wolf is my favourite
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7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos
#normal Saturday morning behavior#redacted spoilers#redacted audio#redacted sam#Seven.txt#rp audio stuff#well. crying over one singular blorbo in particular. Sam's still got me in an emotional chokehold#and i'm too sad to even make a stupid little joke abt how i wouldn't mind if it was a physical one too. ayeee *insert sad eyebrow wiggle*#no but seriously. i have so many feelings abt him and i can't even say it all bc some of it isn't public info yet#eh fuck it i'll just draft this until the audio goes public and then i'll post it once it's no longer Exclusive Info#bc i dont wanna leak Early Access stuff but i have to get this out of my system rn and the new audio is part of what sparked these thoughts#which is funny bc i. literally haven't even listened to it yet. i'm not Ready 😭#where's that tiktok screenshot that's like. 'hyperfixation so bad that i can't even engage with the source material' bc that's me rn#like bro Sam only won the poll like. 2 or 3 days ago and Eric is Already dropping a new Sam audio?? hello? Mr. Redacted i wasn't prepared#anyways i was spoiling myself by perusing the comments last night trying to get a feel for if it's gonna be more angst or comfort#and i saw a comment that absolutely shattered me. and it reignited all my sad thoughts about Sam's eventual. uh. y'know. death.#apparently they plant a tree together or smthn in the new audio (which already has me & my beloved 10y/o orange tree feeling some kinda way#but to the individual in the comments who brought to all our minds the image of Sam sitting beneath that tree in 30 or so years time#when he's decided that he's ready to die and sits out there waiting for the sun to rise..................... 🥲#i'm gonna need u to compensate me for all of that unexpected emotional damage /j /nm#i'm Still not over what he told Darlin' while they had their talk about the future up on his roof together. that audio killed me#then yesterday i was listening to my Sam & Darlin' playlist while cleaning. and Malibu Nights by LANY came on. which i always skip bc Sad#but i let it play and just started crying. standing in the middle of the room all disheveled and holding a broom. as one does.#iirc that song is one that Eric himself said is applicable to Sam which is why/how i found it and put it on the playlist. and god. g o d#hm. i hope that wasn't Patreon exclusive info. i can't remember if it was a public post where he said that or not. hope it's okay to share#but if we can take that song as like. unofficial canon for Sam then that also confirms my idea that he used to drink to cope#which makes the opening lines of Fix What You Didn't Break by Nate Smith even more applicable. i should go edit that post actually#anyways i'm just. feeling a lot. and i love Sam very much and i don't want him to die. but i want him to do what he wants at the same time#Alexis took so fucking much from him. he deserves to live - and end - his life on his own terms. ... i think i need to go write something#*casually fishes this post out of the drafts 3 and a half days later* hi so uh. i wrote a 4k oneshot :) and will hopefully post it tomorrow
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