#whoops that was a lot of words
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Shhh shhh I’m definitely not saying anything *whispers in your ear* but I keep seeing “‘we need more complex female characters’ but they couldn’t handle Apple White.”
But like …
That applies more to Apple fans than those who dislike her
Because while yes there are Apple haters who completely overlook the complexity of her character but more often than not it’s those who like her that in trying to defend her take away the complexity of her character.
Like some people can’t stand the complexity of her character so they water her down
hmm HMM
Idk like excusing apples actions is VERY different from explaining them
#3am thoughts y’all are stuck with#also I did NOT proof read this#my mind is half dead#and I’ve caught myself using the wrong word like 3 times#ie I put Apple where the word was supposed to be can#so there’s definitely more#meaning this probs won’t make sense#whoops#also btw this isn’t pointed#i genuinely saw that on a Pinterest photo#and it t me remember seeing that quote lots#DANG im a true tumblr-er (!?)#yapping in the tags#eah#ever after high#apple white#also I’ve been posting sm about apple#that her tag shows up before Lizzie#😱😱
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bi panic (catholic school au)
#i imagine sunny would frequent the church a lot for a lot of pointless reasons that he thinks are not pointless#like refusing to come to terms with the fact that he might like dudes. lol#daphne and bowen would be frequent side characters .. they probably volunteer at the church frequently#omori#sunny omori#aubrey omori#basil omori#kel omori#daphne omori#bowen omori#sunburn omori#sunflower omori#suntan omori#fan art#comic#omori au#becki draws stuff n stuff#just realized how many times i used the word frequent in the tags. uhhh. whoops
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written for @steddieas-shegoes as a follow-up to this "can you read the letter for me" post-breakup scene (@artaxlivs wrote a wonderful version over here for you to read!) cw: drug mention, OD mention
Steve's body doesn't quite feel like his own as he walks to the playground with his breath lodged firmly in his throat and his heart trying out an old beat that used to be familiar. It's struggling, though, and Steve tries not to think about it. The cold breeze of the night hits his face, making him shiver for more reasons than one.
He hasn't been to the playground for years now. It used to be their spot when they couldn't sleep, kept awake by nightmares and memories and the worst of scenarios. They would come here and sit on the swings, steal glances at each other and talk into the night air, pretending like the other wouldn't hear, and hoping that he would.
He first took Eddie's hand here, swinging as they were, and Eddie had chuckled through his tears, and then his smile hadn't left all night – nor did his hand.
Maybe it's a bad idea, meeting him here. After everything. But some part of him thinks that it might be what they need. If Eddie really is doing as badly as he said, if he really does need a break of several weeks, a tiny part in Steve (the part that would always put himself last as long as it means that the other person gets the tiniest bit of comfort) wants Eddie to have this.
Their little bubble. Or the memory of it at least.
Steve is shaking as he sits down on one of the swings, one of his hands wrapped around the cold chain, the other balled to a fist in the pocket of his jacket. He feels oddly tethered even as the world begins to sway this way and that, even as the breath lodged in his throat solidifies into a lump and he feels as though he's about to cry.
Maybe that, too, comes with the muscle memory of swinging.
He spends an odd second envisioning himself from twenty years ago, laughing and squealing with his friends as they tried to do a looping, and then jump right up into the sky above, see who got farthest.
It brings a smile to his face and a nostalgia to his heart that he hasn't felt in a while.
He feels like he hasn't felt anything in a while. And that he won't until Eddie will apologise. Until he will explain.
The steady squeak–squeak–squeak of the swing is almost eerie in the quiet of the night, but to Steve it brings a certain calm; a safety that he knows is treacherous, but he feels it tingling in his arms, because–
Eddie is there. Slow steps approaching, the gravel crunching underneath his feet that makes Steve want to look up, but, tightening his grip around the chain, he refuses.
I’m sorry for being too much and not enough at the same time.
He knows the letter by heart now, and he wants to see. He wants to see how much space Eddie will be ready to take now, how much he'll let himself be this time. It's unfair, he knows; Eddie's not fine, he should take a step towards him. And he is. He's here. He has agreed to meet with Eddie and hear him out. He has agreed to allow himself a chance at mending his own heart.
Steve feels so torn inside, in more ways than one, that he feels paralysed and petrified and frozen. Part of him wants nothing more than to leap up and take Eddie in his arms, tell him that they'll figure it out, that they can do it, that they can make it work. That second chances are just a thing that happen in life. That it doesn't have to be one and done.
That's another reason he won't look up. There are so many reasons.
"Hey," Eddie's voice cuts through his racing thoughts, though it sounds so gentle and fragile that Steve wonders if it's not Eddie who's been cut.
The steps have stopped, the gravel no longer crunching, and Steve can see a worn pair of Chuck Taylor's in his vision. Not Eddie's usual armour. It throws him off, makes him want to cry, makes him shiver in a way he can't blame on the breeze anymore.
"Thank you," he continues, sounding even more gentle, and Steve squeezes his eyes shut, no longer wanting to hear that voice, not when it sounds like that. So bare. So raw. So vulnerable. "Can I sit with you?"
Steve swallows hard, and doesn't have to consider at all. He nods. Gravel crunches again, then twin chains squeak, the old wood creaking and groaning a little above them, but Steve knows it'll hold. It always does. While Steve is gently swaying, one foot anchored to the ground, Eddie remains impossibly still.
Maybe they're both about to break.
After a while, Eddie speaks up again with the words that Steve has been longing to hear for four years. "I'm sorry."
They're not nearly as satisfying as he always hoped. The world is still broken.
"Okay," he rasps, not really knowing what he's supposed to say. What Eddie wants from this. What he wants from this. If either of them still have the right to want things.
"I had this speech prepared," Eddie continues, still entirely still aside from the way his voice wavers, his laugh a bit breathless and bitter at himself. "But... I didn't... I didn't think you'd come, to be honest."
"Funny," Steve says before he can stop himself, cutting off the rest before it can leave his mouth and make it worse than it is. Coming from the one who left.
"I'm sorry," Eddie says again, and Steve is already tired of it.
So he says nothing, and his silence seems to mute Eddie.
"What does it mean?" he asks eventually, still not daring to look over at the man who used to hold his heart in his hands and then threw it down the quarry before leaving town without another word for four years. But he can feel Eddie's eyes on him. "That you're sorry, what– what does that mean."
"It means that I..." Eddie starts and trails off, considering his words in a way that makes Steve wish he wouldn't.
Just tell me. Take up space. Be enough. Be too much. Just tell me.
"It means that I wish I hadn't left, but that I know I had to in order to find out that living without you is not living at all. It means that I know that I broke your heart and your soul and your future, maybe, for this need of mine to just... find out. To run away. To be someone I could choose to be. And, God, it wasn't worth it. None of it. And still it happened, still I did it, still I know that I just... I had to do it. Being the person I was then, it... I just. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve this. None of it. And if I could, I would turn back time and just tell you. Or sleep it off. Get help, talk with Wayne, anything. Anything that wouldn't lose me the... That wouldn't lose me you. And I'm sorry."
When Eddie finishes, his voice is hoarse, and Steve can't look away any longer. He opens his eyes and prepares to meet Eddie's beside him even in the dark of night, but he finds that Eddie is looking up instead, towards the sky where the moon is busy painting a cloud in silver light as it moves to cover it incrementally, and Steve takes a second to look back down at Eddie and watch him for a second.
His hands are clenched around the swing's chain, and they're shaking a little – so minutely that Steve's not sure if he's imagining it at all, but he feels like he knows Eddie enough to know that he's shaking, too. That they're in this together still. His thick leather boots are replaced with the worn, dark red Chuck Taylor's, and he's wearing a pair of jeans that aren't ripped at the knees. His black denim jacket is plain, no pins, no patches, no rips or tears or any sign of Eddie.
It leaves Steve feeling bereft, untethered once more; and isn't that unfair. It's not fair for Eddie to come here looking like this, looking so open and plain and vulnerable – how is Steve supposed to talk to him now. To talk at him, knowing his words will only meet armour. Armour that will make Eddie leave again.
How is he supposed to say anything when Eddie might not leave again. Or when he never came back in the first place?
"What happened to you?" he asks, the apology forgotten at this need to know. This need to protect, even after all these years. This need to be Steve and Eddie. If only just for the duration of a question.
Beide him, Eddie huffs and looks away from the now covered moon, meeting Steve's gaze with those big brown eyes that look so much bigger now. So much... sadder.
"I've spent all my life knowing who I didn't want to be. Knowing what to be against. Knowing what to hate. And then I– Then I met you. And I got to be someone for myself, you know? You let me be that. And I didn't see, I never... I never quite saw that, Stevie. Because that sad, scared, angry teenager part of me still wanted to hate and rebel and to leave and to be someone. And it didn't matter who, what kinda person, just... Just someone. So I left, and I– God, I lost myself. That self that you brought out. That self that wanted a life full of, like, love, y'know? Not hate. Not anger. Not... Not battle vest, leather armour, sticking it to the Man. But when I realised, it was too late."
"When did you?"
Eddie breathes out heavily. "Last year? Friend of mine OD-ed. Lou. Found her in the hotel, just..."
He breaks off, and Steve can see him blinking away tears just as he blinks away tears of his own.
"I called the band in this, like, full-on panic attack. Told them it was over. Told them I didn't want this anymore. They– They talked me down, because they're great guys. Helped me through it. All of it. Jeff told me to send the letter. Said, 'If you wanna find yourself again, Ed, you gotta start where you last had it, and you gotta start sending the letters.' Best fucking guy I know."
Eddie is smiling through the tears, telling all of this like it's not worth telling at all – like they're not both crying silent tears at it.
Like Steve's not understanding what he's saying. You made me into someone I liked being. and I did write to you, I just never sent them.
"You wrote me letters?"
Eddie nods. "All the fucking time. Wanted you there with me. Stayed sober for you until I... Until I couldn't anymore, because I'd left you, and I left this fucking swing set, and I... God, I'm so sorry, Steve." Eddie is really crying now, hands covering his face, and it's not really a decision at all when Steve gets up to stand between his legs, wrapping his arms around Eddie's shoulders and letting him cry into his chest.
Eddie wraps around him almost instantly, and Steve holds him, running his hands through his hair, shushing him gently, just allowing Eddie to cry for as long as he needs.
And I got to be someone for myself, you know? You let me be that.
You let me be that.
"I'm sorry," Eddie repeats, over and over, and Steve finds himself saying, "It's okay, Eddie, it's okay. I forgive you."
They stay like that for a while. Until Eddie calms down enough to breathe normally again, and even longer still before Steve slowly, gently pulls away – ready to move back in and hold him some more. Even though he shouldn't. Maybe.
"I'm sorry that happened to you," he says at last. "And I'm glad you're taking a break. Glad you sent that letter, too."
"Mm-hmm, me too."
Silence settles between them once more as Steve finds his way back to his swing; and that's when he starts thinking again.
"When you left, I was devastated. And I couldn't even tell anyone, not even Robin. It's like... It's like when you left, you took away that part of me, y'know? I didn't know how to talk about you. The words were gone, or something. And then you... You wrote your songs. And it was double unfair, because not only you get to leave, you also got to talk about it? To, like, thousands of people? I never... I still– it's.... It's like I still don't know how to talk about it. About you. Or to you. There are things I wanna say, but... You said them all, I guess. You got to say them."
"Steve," Eddie breathes, and he sounds just as devastated as Steve feels. "I never meant to– I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that."
"No?"
"No! No, you... No."
Their eyes meet again, and Steve swallows hard again. "Tell me."
"What?"
"What you were gonna say. What you want to say."
Eddie breathes deeply and lets it all out in one long breath. "You didn't deserve that," he says at last. "You deserve someone who treats you right. Someone who lets you be who you want to be, too, and who will bring you flowers, and who will buy you an Winnebago and get you everything you could ever wish for. You deserve someone who's not broken, someone who'll do anything for you because they realise that you're everything they could ever dream of and more."
Steve sighs and feels frustrated again, because Eddie still doesn't get it, Eddie still puts him on that pedestal and made him out of reach for himself to the point where he had to leave because Steve was already gone for him.
"Eddie," he says, and his heart breaks a little when the other man flinches a little at his sharp tone. "I don't ask for that, I would never ask for that, God. I just... I just want a simple, sometimes complicated, sometimes dramatic but ultimately worth it life. I want a– a boyfriend who will say weird shit sometimes because he's a fucking nerd, and who will discover things about himself when he's with me, and go to bed with that smile that tells me he's safe with me. And happy. I don't want anyone throwing away anything, I don't need anyone giving me everything, I just..." I just want you.
But the words don't quite make it past his lips, too much history forcing them shut. It's been four years.
"I don't want to make you into someone. I don't want the weight of that, the responsibility that one wrong look could make someone's entire life fall in on itself. I just..." I just want you.
And that's when he realises what he's always sort of known. That Eddie doesn't even need to ask for a second chance for Steve to hand it to him on a silver platter.
He stands again and comes between Eddie's legs again.
"I forgive you. But I want to talk. About all of this. Not just tonight, but every night. I want to know how I can help you, I want to start over, I want it to be right this time. I don't want you to ever run away again. I want you to talk to me, Eddie. And to take me with you next time you need to run. Because you don't get to run from me, okay? You don't– You don't get to do that, Eddie Munson."
Eddie looks up at him, the moonlight catching on the tears in his eyes, making them look even bigger, and Steve wishes he wouldn't look so small.
"You– But... But I'm so... broken." His hands flail a little, an aborted motion that shows nothing of his usual energy.
Steve's hands find his way to Eddie's cheeks if only to stop him from running away again.
"And I'm not gonna fix you. But I can hold you through it, and stay right where you need me to. That's what people do when–" He cuts himself off before he can say it.
But Eddie understands anyway if the way his eyes widen even more, welling up against the moonlight, is any indication at all.
"Still?"
Steve nods, his thumb stroking Eddie's cheek tenderly, wiping away the fresh tears. "Still. All you had to do was come back."
Eddie falls forward, then, and buries his face in Steve's stomach. It's not running away. It's quite the opposite, actually, and Steve holds him as long as he can.
The night is filled with many more tears as four years of anger and sadness and lostness finally find words to express them.
It's dawn when he says goodbye to Eddie at Wayne's new trailer, waving at the man drinking his coffee on the porch. Eddie holds Steve in a tight embrace for a whole minute before either of them are ready to let go, and only with the promise of Same place, same time tonight.
It's not a new beginning yet, but it's the closure they both need before the new beginning will happen in due time.
#hi if anyone else has written a part 2 for this (in a separate post or a reblog) pls tell me so i can link it too! <3#dio words#steddie fic#steddie#i may have cried a little writing this whoops idk i hope the emotions are there i'm not sure my words are back but this is the best i have#(and i don't hate it!!!)#not sure this makes a whole lot of sense tho??#all you had to do was come back <- that's just the kinda person i am you know
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big believer in rocky being an extremely angry person actually! so much of it is internalized and he very much channels it into specific things ( like wick, or more recently, marigold ) but this doesn’t negate the fact that he is angry and resentful. sometimes being mad is more than just punching people and threats of violence! sometimes it’s quiet seething and forced joy. sometimes awful things happen to you and you letting them happen doesn’t mean you won’t become angry about it. sometimes your anger is fear, and sometimes it’s another thing, and actually maybe it’s always coming from some other emotion but it feels like anger and that’s what sticks. and i’ll also just say that his head trauma won’t be helping him with any of these problems in the future either <3
#my posts.#lackadaisy#i’m exhausted from being out all day but had to lackadaisy post. whoops.#definitely might delete this later to word this better in the future!! though it’ll do for now#personally i can see rocky’s anger just fine in the comics and even in the pilot ngl#like. it is not a conventional kind of anger. but that doesn’t mean it’s not a very real thing rocky is feeling a lot of the time#idk!!! thinking and mulling#i just think at this point in rocky’s life he is so perpetually scared of losing what matters to him ( his place within the lackadaisy )#that he can very easily turn it into a sort of wrathful fire at anything he perceives as a threat#like. what will take my home ( which is mine and the people there tolerate me ) away from me?#it’s an obsessive sort of ‘i can’t let this happen again.’#and i think anger and fear are more tied together than most would think!!!#it’s just. rocky’s anger and freckle’s ‘anger’ is interesting to me. it really is.#as i said : thinking and mulling!!!
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so as literally everyone following me in the past 24 hours knows, im fucking obsessed with her. take her shes everything i have
#undertale yellow#martlet#martlet undertale yellow#martlet uty#?????????#tagging is hard and terrible#should i tag ut?????????#ehhh nah#i shant#whoop#my art#martlet my beloved love of my life i want to kiss you#(words said by worlds most aroace person)#... i should get better at drawing the prosthetics 😭#anyways uhhhhh yea i found out what a martlet actually is so she uses prosthetics now👍#i like to think the boots and stuff is a diff set of prosthetics for when shes just building or chilling#these ones come out when she has guard duty/needs to run around/lots of movement#also idk i might just make her shirtless??? idk which design i like more just yet so eh#ill figure it out next time#so much grief was caused in the making of her wings#GIRL HOW DO YOU HOLD THINGS 😭😭😭😭#ARENT YOUR ARMS WINGS#but yeah. harpy potentially shirtless prosthetic user martlet👍#the world gave me a new blorbo and by god will i dump every headcanon conceivable onto her
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Seven(ish) Sentence Sunday
Tagged by the ever wonderful and talented @diazsdimples
I spent the morning skimming through the end half of 3x02 Sink or Swim and tip tap typing away at Chapter Eight of Rival Firefighters 🚒. Excited that I’m up to the tsunami, but also a bit overwhelmed for what I have to write for this chapter because I really want my vision to translate properly to paper (or well, screen in this case. Or word document? Idk but y’all know what I mean ). I’ll just keep typing away and hopefully it’ll all come together and if not … well that’s what editing is for 😅.
Prev snippet here.
Eddie had no idea what to expect as the 118 drove towards the scene of the tsunami.
Being a firefighter he’d seen his fair share of disasters, but as they arrived on scene, his heart sank at the sight of the destruction.
The ocean had swallowed up the once bustling city of Los Angeles, leaving behind only ruin and sorrow in its wake. The streets were flooded, people desperately searching amidst the water and debris for their loved ones. The smell of saltwater lingered in the air and if you closed your eyes, for a moment you could almost pretend you were at the beach, until the anguished cries of the people of Los Angeles echoed around you.
Eddie and the rest of the 118 unload from the engine and make their way into the flooded city in rescue zodiac boats. Bobby and Eddie ride together in one boat with Anderson, Stover and Campbell, Hen and Chim with Smith, Calley and Rosen in the other.
As they move through the flooded streets, they check every single body they come across and tag them so that another team can come through and collect them, ensuring the bodies make it back to their loved ones. Every tag they leave weighs heavily on them, but they can’t let the weight drag them down. People are depending on them. They have to keep moving forward.
No pressure tagging: @thewolvesof1998 @spotsandsocks @hippolotamus @athenagranted @exhuastedpigeon @puppyboybuckley @wikiangela @wildlife4life @watchyourbuck @elvensorceress @eddiebabygirldiaz @evanbegins @rainbow-nerdss @rewritetheending @the-likesofus @try-set-me-on-fire @theotherbuckley @tizniz @prettyboybuckley @princessfbi @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @sibylsleaves @spagheddiediaz @devirnis @disasterbuckdiaz @fiona-fififi @fortheloveofbuddie @giddyupbuck @honestlydarkprincess @homerforsure @hoodie-buck @jeeyuns @jesuisici33 @steadfastsaturnsrings @king-buckley @lover-of-mine @ladydorian05 @loserdiaz @captain-hen @bekkachaos @nmcggg @monsterrae1 @malewifediaz and as always, anyone else who wants to share something -> consider this your official tag ❤️
#daffi writes#fic: stuck now so long we just got the start wrong#rival firefighters fic#tsunami arc is here and I am nervous haha#I was relieved Buck’s chapter didn’t have a lot of the tsunami in it .. just the last 1K or so words#up until he … 🤐 whoop no spoilers from me hahaha#but then I remembered I still had Eddie’s chapter to go 😂😭#buddie wip#buddie#i kind of wanted to be finished and posting the first chapter before season 7 starts#because I am scared once the show is back people won’t be as interested in fic for some reason haha#but I don’t see me finishing it before then#so I’m just going slow and steady cos there’s no deadline. no rush
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Btw words having connotations is a thing. Like I’m not nitpicky for the sake of fighting. I’m looking at a collection of scenes, and then at a word, and going, welp! That’s a word that has been applied to many contexts im gonna casually not group these scenes with, thanks!
#infantilization argument!#extortion argument!#no one has ever used extortion to refer to ‘tell me what’s wrong and I’m not giving up’#boundary issue maybe#technically could be a threat if you have magic feeling reading powers?#but uhhhh how about we all step back and think about all the times we’ve heard the word extortion.#like that’s a real thing. words have meanings beyond definition#although I’d argue a lot of this straight up doesn’t fit the dictionary definitions either but whoops different argument—
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Drops my self insert
Health: 150 , Hunger: 100 , "Stress": 200
-Animal person -doesn't like being alone (stress is always increasing if no other people in world) -Starvation doesn't hurt right away -mental health is different (stress/anxiety). -hates touching gross/slimey things
"Favorite" food: fruit medley
Info below: (it may be lengthy, oops)
Feels better around animals. Their stress lowers when near them. Tames beefalo a bit faster. Can tame tallbirds that they raise. Animals that usually run away from the survivors don't run away from them unless they hit them. Critters in their inventory lower their stress. Because they are an animal person, killing animals increases their stress (regardless who kills them.) They just don't like seeing animals die even if it's necessary.
When their hunger runs out, there's a small amount of time before it starts to drain their health. It takes about 15 seconds.
When it comes to "stress."(I know what sanity is in dst, I just wanted something different for them.) They take damage if it's too high. Their stomach is also "full" when it's high. World looks more like scribbles when it's high too. When stress is high, they are not good at attacking or working. They are able to attack and work regularly as long as it doesn't get "high enough." They also won't eat if stress is high.
They get very stressed out when picking up gross/slimey things. Includes manure, any form of rot, slurtle slime, honey(it's sticky,) etc.
They don't mind being wet, so they don't get stressed from wetness. They do hate having to deal with their glasses getting messed up from being wet, so they are completely neutral to wetness.
It takes a while for heat to affect them. They hate the cold, and freeze easily. Low temperature that can seem managable to the others is cold for them. They prefer sitting by the fire pit during the winter. They like to stay put, and refuse to move away from the warmth. Unlessitstheholidaysthentheyllmakeanexception
Voice: Clarinet (Using the high notes. sometimes goes loud to soft because they struggle with their voice volume sometimes.)
A few extra things:
They don't like eggs and will not eat them. Includes eggs, tallbird eggs, tall scotch eggs, bacon and eggs, plain omelette, breakfast skillet, barnacle nigiri. Other than that, they'll eat anything.
They have apiphobia. They are terrified of bees. Being near one(or their hives) always increases stress. (Even the sound of their buzzing stresses them out.)
They do know how to swim and can do so if needed. They don't really want to though, and prefer to do it only when they have to.
They leave their big bag of belongings in their tent. They tend to instead use a backpack since they don't want something happening to their things. The backpack they use is the rabbit rucksack!
They love soft things! It helps with stress. Soft textures are their favorite! So are smooth textures.
They start off very shy and cautious at first, but slowly warm up to the other survivors. Going from feeling really bummed, low, and reserved to... being in a better mood. They smile a lot more, speak their mind more and are less hard on themself.
They picked up on the fact that everyone's names start with w. They decided to go by "Weardrop." It was just for shits and giggles, but then they ended up actually liking it and it just stuck.
They're from our modern times. They got pulled into the Constant three days ago. They were gifted their grandparents' antique radio when their grandparents moved away. They take advantage that they're from the modern times by confusing the survivors with our modern slang.
#dst#Dst oc#Dst self insert#self insert#Holy mother of info dump i got a bit carried away with talking about them#Whoops#This was me holding BACK 😭#Anyway I finally have them up#I would have put their backstory down too but I feel like this is too long lol#I'll have to handle that another time#I had.... ideas#And most of them flew out the windows#I need to remember to take NOTES so I don't forget#Also I may have given them a lot#But I was really trying to lean into their stress and animal person mechanics#Lore reason why they have “stress” instead of sanity?#Their anxiety was too powerful it manifested and took over the sanity slot#Also I'm somewhat iffy on saying “mental health is different”#I dunno i feel like i could have worded it better?#Even if it is what's happening to them#I just... have no idea how else to word it...#I'm open to hearing suggestions#Anyway I'll stop yapping in the tags lol#Istillhaveyettogivethemapropertitleoops#My oc
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Bonus:
Don't mind me, I was just thinking about how Crowley must feel every time Aziraphale seems to put him in a box with the rest of hell. I know he tells him he's nice and kind and good and his friend just as many times or more, but still - after 6000 years of friendship and Doing The Right Thing together, it must have hurt when Aziraphale told him he's evil, and then even more when he told him you're the bad guys.
I just find it sooo interesting to look into every instance of Aziraphale talking about Crowley in either way. I want to take his thought process apart and study it under a microscope. We know that he knows that Crowley isn't evil, and we know that Crowley knows that he knows, and we (and Crowley) know that Aziraphale (up until a certain point) is just incredibly Heaven-brainwashed and it's hard for him to break out of that unless there's a situation at hand that requires Direct Action (see giving away the flaming sword to protect Adam and Eve, or protecting Job's children, or helping Elspeth to help Dalrymple, or stopping the Apocalypse).
How does he travel the world and the ages with Crowley and still somehow manage to call him evil with any level of seriousness? He is so convinced that all demons are evil, and at the same time he knows that Crowley's fall was unjust and a mistake and Crowley is NOT evil, but Crowley is a demon, but he's good and kind and nice and just, and Aziraphale sometimes struggles with that. Not consciously, I think, consciously he loves Crowley and trusts him and knows him well enough to see beyond angel/demon good/evil black and white thinking, but sometimes thoughts slip out of his mouth that are just. So far removed from what we know he knows.
He believes so strongly, in two things that could not be more mutually exclusive, and it's so fascinating. There's a lot of growth in that regard over the course of the series, we know that by the end of season 2 when he's talking to the Metatron, he is very clear in stating that his priority and his loyalty lie with Crowley, not with heaven. And I hold firm to my belief that he is going to Heaven because That's The Right Thing To Do, because he believes he can Make Things Better, for everybody, yes, but most importantly for Crowley. For the two of them!!
And YET. AND YET "you're the bad guys" somehow comes out of his mouth, when Crowley has Never really been a part of hell, and has always wanted to do the right thing for as long as Aziraphale has known him, and has been free of hell for Years now.
Still, Crowley is a Demon, and Demons Are Evil, angels and demons are hereditary enemies, right?
Except.... it's a little different when it's someone you know, isn't it?
#good omens#good omens 2#meta#or rather just me rambling a lot really#I feel like i put all this into words So Badly i'm not sure my point comes across#tbh i dont know if there is a point#i'm just so FASCINATED WITH HIS MIND#I feel like I understand Crowley so so so well#his every move makes perfect sense to me always#but with Aziraphale#I feel like I understand him for the most part but then sometimes he has moments that make me go????#WHAT was his thought process here#i just want to KNOW#i want to have an alcoholic breakfast at the ritz with michael sheen and just talk about Aziraphale tbh#okay whoops more rambling in the tags#let's tag this as#mine
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Okay so I finished Murtagh last night and I think I’m just going to put a lot of my slightly more coherent general thoughts here under a readmore. Spoilers ahead! Beware!
Right off the bat I want to bring us back to The Fork, The Witch, and The Worm. Not to Essie (although reliving that encounter from Murtagh’s perspective was EXQUISITE), but to Eragon, because the thing I love most about that story is that Eragon is glad to see his brother, even from afar, and is glad to see he’s alright, and hopes that Murtagh will one day join him at Mt. Arngor. We’ve talked recently on the blog about ill feelings and condemnation towards Murtagh during the war, especially on Eragon’s part, but the ending of The Fork makes it clear that—while I would love to see Eragon acknowledge and work through them—Eragon no longer holds those feelings, and in fact really wants the chance to reconnect with his brother and his friend, because he loved him like a brother before he even knew they were related, and after everything that’s happened, he loves him still—even if Murtagh is going to have some trouble believing or internalizing it.
And so I present the theme of this initial reading response: Murtagh is so, so loved, to an extent that he does not fully realize. He knows that Thorn loves him, obviously, but I believe it’s significant that—even though he has some Complicated™️ thoughts about Selena and harbors resentment towards her for, in his mind, choosing Eragon over himself—the memories of her that we actually get to see/“hear” (page 90 my beloved) are fully memories of Selena’s love for him. “…beautiful boy” anyone? “My strong boy?” That is her BABY and she LOVES HIM. Also, again, DESPITE HIS RESENTMENT, Selena’s love is the REASON HE KEEPS HIS SCAR! Scar lore alert! Scar lore alert! SELENA WAS THERE AND SHE’S THE ONE WHO HEALED HIM! (though I am still partial to thinking Brom was involved. I’ll write about that later it doesn’t matter right now)
(Also, on a bit of a lighter note, HIS HORSE TOY?????? Horse girl Murtagh CONFIRMED!!!! Little me would have been so jealous. …on a completely different note, I have woodworking connections and access to real horse hair. Hm. The Ideas.)
And then Tornac, son of Tereth, may your name live on forever. THE FIRST MEMORY WE GET OF TORNAC IS A HUG. THE FIRST TIME HE HUGS MURTAGH. MURTAGH HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH DO YOU KNOW??? I KNOW YOU KNOW A LITTLE BIT BUT DO YOU KNOW????? And the way he LEAPS to Murtagh’s defense when he falls in their escape, he REFUSES to let Murtagh languish in Urû’baen, that’s his BOY, his BEAUTIFUL STRONG BOY, that’s HIS SON, NO TAKE BACKSIES, MORZAN! He sees Murtagh’s darkness, yes, but more importantly he sees Murtagh’s goodness, and he knows Galbatorix will do everything in his power to destroy it, and that is something that Tornac simply cannot abide. You remember how I posted about Brom saying it’s easy to die for what you believe in, and then like ten pages later he dies for Eragon? Yeah. Yeah that one. That post. Do you see the point I’m making?
Tornac died for Murtagh. Selena did too, I’m pretty sure—it’s never been explicitly stated, in this book or the rest of the Cycle, but we know Selena was anxious to leave Carvahall as soon as Eragon was born, and that she died shortly after returning to Murtagh. I think Murtagh knows, on some level, but I also think that actually acknowledging it is going to break him just a little bit. Selena left Eragon and returned to him, presumably to spirit Murtagh to Carvahall as well, but she left too early. She wasn’t recovered. The real tragedy of this is that, if she’d left any later, she might truly have been too late—Morzan had been killed, and Murtagh would have been collected to Urû’baen before she reached him. Depending on how much she was coordinating with Brom, she might have known this, and made the choice to return to Murtagh anyway, because it was the easiest choice in the world. Eragon and Murtagh both believe that Selena left them. As Murtagh believes Selena chose Eragon over him, I’m pretty sure Eragon believes the inverse. In truth, Selena was trying to choose both of them, to save both of them. It’s a tragedy that she failed, but the most important thing about such a tragedy is that the love is there. It didn’t save them, not at first, not until much later, but the love is there and it matters because those are her babies, those are her sons, and she would gladly die for them. She did die for them. It was easy; she believed in them.
So yeah, I think eventually Eragon and Murtagh are gonna have a talk, and some revelations are going to be made, and a good long cry is going to be had all around. Catharsis! They need it!
But that’s not all! Murtagh is loved not only by the dead and the distant, but by the living and the near, too. Up to this point, the werecats we’ve met have been aloof, proud, intentionally distant. I always got the sense that Solembum likes Eragon and Saphira, but I don’t know that he would call them friends, even if Eragon and Saphira would, and he’s the most in-depth werecat we’ve met. But now we also have Carabel.
Carabel, who, from her position within Gil'ead, watches the people around them, and discerns their character: this is a skill I would say she has honed to near-perfection. When we meet her, she is desperate, though she hides it well. She sees Murtagh, and she measures his character, and what she sees is enough to make her take a chance on him, and she's right. Murtagh saves Silna, compromising his own principles to do so—swearing an oath he knows he'll have to break—and is so clearly relieved to see Silna safe with Carabel, despite the deceptions. We know, also, that Selena had been liked enough by Solembum for him to speak with her, and I wouldn't be surprised to discover that Selena was at least respected by werecats, if not outright known as a friend; it's possible that this, too, helped push Carabel to take a chance on Murtagh, though she makes no comment about it. Whatever the case, ultimately it is Murtagh's character that she gambles on, and Murtagh being simply who he is fulfills her hopes—not only in saving Silna, but his kindness towards her even when she was difficult, carrying her only when it was necessary and setting her on her own paws when he deemed it safe. Just in being himself, he earns love from two strangers, and the respect of an entire race.
(This echoes throughout the book, in all of Murtagh's interactions with children—he cares so much about kids. Not just as an abstract moral stance: he truly, genuinely cares for children on a deeply personal level. Essie in Ceunon; the two boys in Gil'ead he gives coins to, twice, and reprimanding their father for using them to pick marks; Silna; the children in Nal Gorgoth. In telling his story to Nasuada, he broke when he reached the children he slaughtered under Bachel's control.)
And Alín! Alín, who was raised to revere dragons, who cannot help but idolize Thorn. She is terrified of Murtagh, as a stranger and a strange man, but his connection to a dragon allows her to view him in another light. I can write so many essays about Alín, I'm probably going to, but here I'll just say this: despite her circumstances, despite how she was taught, despite how thoroughly she has been programmed by the cult of the Dreamers, the simple truth of Murtagh's compassion gave her the room to question, to think for herself, to ask herself if what she has been taught and raised to believe is truly right. Murtagh doesn't make the decision for her, he physically can't—it is Alín herself who finds the strength to break herself free, inspired by Murtagh, but not wholly because of him.
And in the dungeons of Nal Gorgoth, Murtagh meets Uvek, an Urgal shaman, and can I just say: I would kill and die for Uvek. He's got similarities to Murtagh that aren't discussed in plaintext, but are easy to draw: they both tried to be alone in the wild, thinking it would be better for them—different reasons, but they came to the same conclusion—but both have come to discover that they are better off in a pack. With friends. With brothers. With family. (As an aside, I really hope Uvek becomes one of the first Urgal riders.) I love the metaphor they share, about trust being a knife with a blade for a handle; and I love that once they decide to trust each other, they both jump in, feet first, 100% on board. That's always been Murtagh's method anyway (Eragon-era Murtagh my beloved, looking after this stupid dumb kid with his whole ass), and it is incredibly refreshing to see someone else with the exact same mindset throw their whole lot in with Murtagh. The gentle forehead bump! Uvek loves this crazy squishy Murtagh-man.
And finally, finally, Nasuada. The Guinevere to his Lancelot, and there's not even an Arthur for them to dance around, except for the Arthur of Public Opinion that would prefer to view Murtagh as dread Mordred. I couldn't keep from laughing, just a little bit, every time Murtagh was encouraged to/shown visions of taking the throne, because lol! Nah, you dumbasses, that's the love of his life for whom he broke his own shackles and turned on his tormentor and slave-master. The day he turns against her of his own volition is the day he is No Longer Murtagh. He keeps the newly-minted gold crown so that he can keep a piece of her with him—a coin!! A tiny little portrait!! An accurate tiny little portrait, to be sure, but one he'll soon be able to find in any decently full purse!! He may not want to admit it to himself, he may try to distance himself for her own good and the good of her rule, but he cannot truly deny his heart. As for Nasuada himself, she doesn't even hesitate to take him in—and she would have no reason to, having heard about Gil'ead, except that she knows him, she has seen his true being in a way only Thorn can relate to, and even in uncertainty she cannot believe evil of him. She's the one who reaches out to comfort him when he crumbles in telling his story, she supports him without a word when he struggles to stand, and she wants so badly for him to stay, Public Opinion be damned. She won't destroy what she's built, but she will move heaven and earth to be able to keep him near, for as long as he wishes to remain.
This whole book, really, was just a chorus screaming to Murtagh, "YOU ARE LOVED!! YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE AND YOU ARE LOVED!! IT IS THE LOVE THAT ENDS WARS, THAT DEFEATS FEAR, THAT PERSISTS IN THE FACE OF DEATH AND RUIN!! YOU ARE LOVED!!" And maybe he can't hear it yet, not with his ears, but his heart, eventually, might start to catch him up. And I absolutely cannot wait to see it.
#murtagh spoilers#one (1) aspect of my Many Many Thoughts on this wonderful beautiful brick of a book#anyway. i'm so glad we got to see murtagh be a dumbass. there were some eragon levels of dumbassery here.#'i don't have anger issues' sir yes you DO they're just not as bad as your father's#'i don't have anger issues' *proceeds to make decisions driven by righteous anger*#also HIGH KEY accidentally skipped a couple lines in lyreth's introduction and thought they were exes. whoops.#i mean they still could be. i might write that. we love a shitty ex in this series.#anyway this is far from all of my thoughts. i have so much to say about Alín. so much to say about thorn and his claustrophobia.#SO much to say about murtagh's thoughts on command and responsibility#i'm going to be here A Lot in the coming weeks#yeah i’ll do my nanowrimo goal today but first TWO THOUSAND WORDS ABOUT MURTAGH
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Okok so yesterday I spent a while yapping abt this on insta, so here it is as well!
Im focusing on my own 'au' (Called rottenstar au that name feels like a shipname tho.. i just cant think of anything better) which is my own take on like the bad guys, ect. And!! got my headcanons for the..bone structure..? of the sillies done yesterday so huzzah! (havent gotten to Nm yet, but i will- eventually)
Beware the naked skelemen (I mean..its just bones but like..)
No favourites in this household!! (coughs)
☆Starting with killer!! -no soul shown so his sternum is visible-
All of that excess determination, surely is not good for him, as I'm pretty sure its also been stated somewhere that his soul staying OUTside his body is whats actually keeping him alive, if it were to go back to where it 'should' be I feel that that mf would melt. No way his body can handle that.
That being said- all that goopy black stuff over his bones is the result of a chemical reaction, lets say, between the energy which is Dt and his bones. Its most present on his chest as thats where most the contact is.
Its also 'produced' at his joints (idk WHY yet, friction?? or smth?). The areas which are blackened must also be where it hurts the most because- hello its literally his bones erroding while being "regenerated" just fast enough that he is not losing any major chunks of his bones
mm acid
He's therefore shorter that the others bc - of the Dt kinda eating away at him (He stands of his tiptoes and hes still shorter). AND!! HE HAS A BITTY TAIL thats tipped with smth resembling a blade :]
HORROR!!
The scar over his eye is due to more recent events- NOT the eye extraction incident.
The wonky spine was inspired by an artist (whos art i cant find :(( sobbing) and Its from all the constant "stress" its being put under.. carrying heavy weapons ect..
And that brings me to another point!! This horror holds onto his tail, almost always. Its a form of comfort or nostalgia ig- he got so used to dragging around his axe 24/7 back in his home au, and now that he doesnt need to he just.. feels odd. So he defaults to holding onto his tail lol.
DUST..!! he's.. !!!.. ...he.. umm
I dont have as much on him.. But I still have some crumbs!
Hes more "dull" than the other two, as in his bones are more grey. Its links with all that damn monster dust. Its also why he looks so dirty- the dust just doesnt wash off (if we pretend that he showers at all...)
And.. no tail for him.
#Thanks for coming to my yap session#Whoops thats a lot of words#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#artists on tumblr#*screams of agony*
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Skirby homeless arc in the OG BHH. its in my dreams. he would be so annoying
#gijinka#doodles#Shitpost#It 5am#this is super no effort soz#but I’m sleepy. and needed to get it done now#Kirby has to evict him. I mean technically it’d be post words unspoken whoops#‘kicking out a homeless person is cruel’ and ‘damn at least galacta knight died with a house’#shadow Kirby homeless arc is extremely funny in concept#since he has a lot of really good options#but he’s homeless. okaey
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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do u have any headcanons on drake's bio relatives? it's smth we got 0 info on (i think. i'm familiar with the og show and comic but not hugely so lmk)
i'm always curious to hear ppl's ideas on them. drake mallard's family is gos and lp but it just makes me wounder what he had growing up with ya know?
I've seen other people headcanon that DT17 Drake had a rough childhood and now to think of it I agree with the idea- he probably didn't have a nice family growing up since he never really mentions anything about it (in the og too). My headcanon is that he kinda just wants to avoid talking about it, and is just glad he has Gos and LP.
Idk much about the og DWD, I watched most of the og DWD episodes (and some of the comics) and pretty sure there's multiple Drake origin stories and I'm not sure which is canon. But I think it didn't say anything about his relatives and how he grew up. Most seemed to hint that Drake just got bullied a ton, so maybe that had something to do with it too?
Slightly unrelated, but I had the idea of introducing LP's fam in DT17-DWD though, since they were shown in the og DuckTales (in the episode "Top Duck"), and I think it'd be a great opportunity to show more of LP (yk since in DT17, he didn't too much character development outside of being a comic relief tbh), especially since he'd probably also moved in with Darkwing now that Della's back.
#long post whoops#not sure if what i said made sense i'm not that great at wording my ideas lol#but i have tons of headcanons for some reason#i think about this kind of stuff a lot
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Summary
The Resistance failed. The Krang won. But Hamato Michelangelo refuses to let any more family members die, even if that means grabbing his stupid brother and throwing him through a time gateway himself. Or: in which future Leo and Casey Jones Junior are sent together into the past, two years before the Krang invade.
chapter 15!! in which casey and leo get an actual break haha.
(you can also start from chapter 1 here)
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#future leonardo#casey jones junior#darkscales attempts writing#wonitwc#whoops didnt realize until recently that its been over a month since my last update#not a lot actually happens in this chapter but somehow it takes up a lot of words anyway lol
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.
#well#i think i finished that one shot i was talking about#it's 17.6k words#lmao#WHOOPS!#i had a lot to say#i need to go through and punch it up#and my friend wants to read it#good god would it be wrong of me to post smut on the same account where i make gifs of the preschool show I work on?#probably#mayhaps i'll finally bust out that writing blog i've had saved for eons#lol#emma blabs#astarion#baldur's gate 3#astarion x reader#astarion x tav
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