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work anxiety fucking sucks.
like, hey, i can handle blood, horror, awful things. i have bandaged bleeding cuts and splinted broken bones and rotting injuries do not phase me. i have a massive comfort level with pretty much anything you could throw at me, and you could punch me and i'd just move on.
but the very idea of having to do an Important Task is paralyzing and awful.
even something as small as just sending in a job application or contacting a landlord, or even just finding a therapist makes me panicked to the point of nausea.
#renposting#work anxiety#rant#i guess?#sorry for suddenly dropping this on you#whoever it is that might see this#i hope you have a wonderful day tho
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Curtwen Week Day 4: Haunted
#fuck yall I really wasn’t sure about this last night but looking at it now I think it’s grown on me#I tried going for a 1960s comic book look#because I really like the vibes of old comics#they’re very cool#honestly this came out very different from what I had planned originally#but then I had this idea and ran with it#also I made the executive decision of doing long hair Curt because A) It’s my drawing and I can do what I want and B) I love the idea that#curt had the long hair like in SAD post fall#whoever originally had that idea is a genius- I wish I could remember who it was#but yeah I love doing stylized stuff like this#I don’t do it as often as I want to#I have another saf idea similar to this that I’ve had on the back burner that I might do soon ish#i suppose we’ll see#I’m not making any promises#but yeah this one is a bit different from the drawings for the other three days#I got a bit of reprieve from all the rendering I’ve been doing#fun fact: palm trees are technically a type of grass#because it doesn’t have bark and it doesn’t have rings to tell how old it is#curtwen week#Curtwen week 2024#Curtwen#spies are forever#tin can bros#tin can brothers#agent Curt mega#curt mega#owen carvour#Joey richter#my art#cw guns
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councilor 3D model
i learnt 3d modelling from the ground up to bring him to life. he's yours now. do whatever you want with him
[link]
please credit me if you make something using the model (or even ping/link me to it, i would love to see what you made!)
currently available as a .blend, .fbx and an SFM port.
#hello councilnation i'm finally releasing him to the wild#have fun playing toys with him#ultrakill#councilor#councilor ultrakill#3d stuff#obviously with the councilor having just 1 full body image of him means that some stuff i had to improvise on#so you get to enjoy my headcanons on how he looks#(like obviously the wings & halo)#(but also the chestplate design)#but did you know that the councilor's canon design has subtle engravings on his forearm armor pieces?#i only barely noticed them when painting textures and i was floored#i had to add them#to the sfm anon and whoever else wants to use this for sfm stuff-#i did my best with a port for sfm and i'm quite proud of the result#but please be aware i have never used it before so if you find that something doesn't work as it should please please let me know!!#gonna pour my heart out in tags as always so close your eyes if you don't wanna see me being sentimental but#i'm not kidding when i say i learnt 3d modelling from the ground up for this#i have meddled with blender before but never actually came close to finishing a project#and i don't know how i did it and how i kept going#(i do know) (it was my friend encouraging me every time i showed him progress)#this was like 1 entire month in the making#but i'm so fucking proud of this and how it turned out and people's tags in my act 2 render genuinely were such a huge confidence boost#so thank you guys for liking it <3#i'm still very much thinking of doing a version with just his bloodied head#but it might take a while because i want a break and i want to play warframe
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better brothers
#razables#jojos bizarre adventure#stardust crusaders#noriaki kakyoin#jean pierre polnareff#um. uh oh. might be getting back into jjba🤩#ANYWAYS I THINK IM GOING TO DIE HERE.#stop killing Polnareff’s siblings challenge IMPOSSIBLE‼️#not gonna use a bunch of tags if you see this you see it#jjba spoilers#to whoever cares😭
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oh boy !! ! ! ! !!! ! thANK y0u all for the kind words on my last art posts. you all get it and i was/still am so happy about it
as promised, here's some close-ups of the comic for image quality's sake, and other screenshots i rescued from the community whiteboard (and something else)
first up another sketch of mystery gender-ambiguous being. (please send me more name ideas for them if you got one- i like to hear em! (reminder it's the side character that appeared for <10 seconds in AvM Ep. 30))
a few fav scenes
emotional support cwab
they weren't meant for this purpose exactly, but i do have countless "fluffy sticks" loose in my notes and homework sheets from the school years.
papery critter.
even when i wasn't confident in fur or feathers, they helped me practice posing and create some satisfying gradients/flowing poses. (im a sucker for good tail poses) (oh yay! i found a good pic...)
and finally, little sneak peak for you for reading so far ;3
i realized that whiteboardfox is pretty great for my working needs. simple and to the point and all. feels nice with the mouse and the tablet.
so i started hashing out a big project idea just to see if it holds up and
[
several hours later ...
]
oh
oh man
it's a little bigger than i expected
<next>
#--/ art#alan becker#animator vs animation#animation vs minecraft#Minecraft bed#ava the dark lord#ava the chosen one#me when the project that obviously wasn't going to be done in one night isn't done in one night: D: !?!?!?!?#kudos to whoever routed the Speedrun actual short because that one is so fun and clean and savvy#clever made up time-savers? includes orange's TNT shield-jump?? nonlethal dragon dispatch??? sweet#ithink you can see where i tried to head with this#turns out that turning up the complexity 98 notches higher makes things trickier to parse hmmmmmm?#in fact i might need some help with this one ;>v>' like a lot.#i had a bit of a story and route set up already i just... wanted to make sure everything was at least kinda there...................#we'll see#the pie joke. i was trying to categorize which foodstuffs chosen should be able to make on the fly. with their flame hands.#ex. cooking meats makes sense because flint and steel works for the same purpose (you can kill a burning animal to get cooked meats)#but baking bread or drying kelp seems way more involved or whatever -> needs a proper furnace environment#HOWEVER... i noticed that Steve can just summon pumpkin pies from his bare hands if he wants to without even a workbench. so. sure! lol.#this is scraping the surface of the minutiae i want to consider#(ALSO KUDOS to everyone who RUNS/works on all-advancements. of course. riding on your shoulders here)#final joke is that chosen didn't know how crazy this undertaking would be to learn#but dark is very literally programmable. so you could maybe just plug some TAS instructions into him and off he goes#or even more open-ended than that just give him the list of advancements + stipulations + the wiki and similar result#it'd get done but. i dont think he'd find that fun at all. prefers to write his own instructions if you see what i mean#i might be forgetting some context. it is rather late you see. please ask me questions about this! ;P#tco aa
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so if solas sees himself in the inquisitor because of how they were made a leader, a prophet and a symbol by people who followed them, just as fen'harel had been made a leader and a saviour for by the freed elven slaves, will he see himself in rook because they're left alone against the threat they can't possibly defeat without singlehandedly making decisions that will impact the world in unknown ways, just as fen'harel had been left alone against evanuris with no other option but to create the veil
#just a thought. because 'what will they call you when this is over' haunts me to this day#anyway i genuinely wonder which way they'll take the solas-protagonist parallel this time#because it sure did happen before! but if they do that again there must be something they can offer#for now i see this like the inquisitor reflects that part of fen'harel story where he became a hero to his people#and then. the history got it all wrong.#but rook i think. their story might reflect the later and uglier parts of fen'harel's path. the ones that made their way into these legends#and then got spiced up with evil laughter. the hard decisions solas once had to make#it's not like inky's story didn't have that kind of decisions. but i think dai didn't focused on that kind of impact that much#also the inquisitor was backed up by their inquisition; as was fen'harel by his followers once#but at the end fen'harel is also known as who he hunts alone. you get the idea#I'm just speculating here but it seems our only kind of organisation is rook's companions. and whoever agrees to help them#without directly joining them. they have a lot less power than the inquisition did#which is interesting on it's own i think#but i think it would be interesting to see solas guide someone knowing full well they won't be able to make the right decision#because there's none#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#solas#the inquisitor#rook
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Trademark: Top-tier Bucktommy writer + generally Cool + getting Buck pregnant
Thank you + thank you + thank you!
#i really do keep meaning to write some actual mpreg fic but it keeps getting swept away by other ideas#like the alien invasion fic i'm dying to write#where tommy gets called to fly against them while the lafd is busy on the ground trying to save lives amid the chaos#and they get word that the entire ragtag squadron of which tommy was a part gets wiped out#buck is so devastated he just shuts down and works himself nearly to death trying to save people trying to make tommy's sacrifice worth it#in a week LA is in ruins and the 118 is barely holding on when they get word that another wave of alien ships is headed their way#they know this is it and just as the ships crest the horizon -- there's one ship that suddenly breaks formation and turns on the others#completely stunned the 118 watches as the ship guns down half of the others then leads the rest on a wild chase#and then eddie shouts 'those are american military flight maneuvers! whoever's flying that thing is on our side!'#buck thinks about the first time he visited the harbor station and he'd jokingly asked everyone for dirt on tommy#and tommy's teammate nico was like 'i don't know about dirt but i can tell you right now: that guy can fly literally anything'#buck watches this one ship attempt the impossible while bobby's on the radio telling anyone who might be listening#that one of their own has commandeered an enemy ship and is holding off the next wave and needs immediate support#eventually the ship lands clumsily on a crumbling rooftop and buck runs up a hundred flights of stairs and bursts onto the roof#just in time to see tommy come stumbling out of the ship -- obviously having been through it and like missing an eye or something#and when tommy sees buck his face just crumbles and buck's already sobbing as they limp-run at each other#crashing together crying and laughing and buck slides to the ground clutching tommy while the rest of the 118 pile onto the roof#and they watch a squadron of f-15s descend from the clouds to take out the straggler ships and it feels like the tide is turning#yeah it's basically independence day but with 2000% more angst
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Hello, I love them and this specific bit of blocking more than anything.
#CATS Oasis of the Seas#Asparagus#Skimbleshanks#(and that kitten asparagus shoos away is tumble so i can't help but see this as a 'our children are literally always underfoot')#skimblegus#my stuff#they're husbands ur honour i don't make any rules#i think footage of the rccl show that cuts off the left side of the stage in any way should be illegal#(you'd be surprised how much footage specifically cuts off the left side i wanna SEE them darnit!)#anyway whoever came up with this part of the blocking i am kissing you on the forehead and giving you chocolate#they've had this little moment for ten years!! it's lovely and i love that they kept it up even when they trimmed the show#(which might also have something to do with the fact that asparagus is on stage way more now that bustopher and growltiger has been cut)
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facial expressions ✅
#a.c.e#acenet#choicenetwork#kpopccc#dailybg#ultkpopnetwork#park junhee#junhee#jun#a.c.e jun#a.c.e junhee#*suncheonskangta#idk if any of these networks are still active but w/e LOL#also whoever sees this who's been following me for a while YES IT IS ME WHO JUST POSTED#unbelievable i know#got kinda bored..might post more soon. no promises!!
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I love Obi-Wan and I know it's not his fault
But if I were Anakin…I would NEVER forgive Obi-Wan for Shmi’s death
#i might have turned to the darkside right then and there#i mean anakin kinda did considering what he did to the tuskins…#but seriously if i had been having visions of my mom being tortured and obi wan told me I couldn’t go and see if she was alright#and then when I eventually got to her she died like two seconds later#i would immediately come the the conclusion that i could have saved her if i had been allowed to go earlier#and forever hold a grudge against whatever or whoever stopped me#like yeah obi wan was just following the rules#but i wouldn’t care..id blame him 100%#especially if i was the same level of emotional mess aotc anakin was#my ability to think rationally would be completely destroyed#anakin skywalker#obi wan kenobi#shmi skywalker#attack of the clones#aotc#star wars#star wars attack of the clones#star wars prequels#padawan anakin#sw attack of the clones#star wars episode ii: attack of the clones#kate's post
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youtube
Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Next.
#not much?? happened in this chapter??#so yeah here are just a bunch of hashtag aesthetic pictures#oh shit i forgot about hashtags#yeah those might make an appearance in later chapters#we'll see tho#i'm only two days late woo hoo! XD#yeah may 8th may also be... l8#bad pun sorry not sorry#kudos to whoever finds the secret story#sorry no recipe guys ):#for some reason we can't find any servants??#very distressing#anyway enjoy~#jonathan harker's insta#jonthan harker my boy#dracula#dracula daily#kiki does dracula daily
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#100% certain this is jmart (and auggie ig... whoever he might be) trying to telegraph that they need out and they needed it yesterday#my god this is the closest the tts group have ever been to properly communicating and no one seems to see that#i bet Colin would understand#the magnus protocol#tmagp#tmagp spoilers#tmagp 22
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Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.
#I've sort of made a new friend? Like we met at the same art group and he's also trans which was like pleasantly surprising in our small town#but like. We have Differences Of Opinion#and it's not totally his fault because it sounds like he's had a Lot of bad shit in his past that's obviously made him wary and closed off#but like. He's slightly older than me (only 4 years) and keeps blaming a load of his problems on other trans folks?#like you know the type. The like 'all these nonbinary/other identities the kids are doing are complicating shit'#the 'it hurts to see people younger than me inc. kids get hormones thrown at them when I still can't get 'em' (which... yeah not even true)#and he's told me himself he doesn't engage much with the queer community bc it's too 'toxic'#and like. I can absolutely understand why he could've had some bad experiences esp. since he has some mental health shit going on#but he wants to be friends bc he doesn't know anyone else going through the medical shit and it's like. Yeah no shit you don't?#you decided the community you'd find them in is toxic? and that people in them are doing being trans wrong?#and I think if he was just some guy online I'd like roll my eyes and ignore him#but he's a real person in my vicinity and I feel fucking bad for him#and I can see how much self loathing he has and how much that probably informs the bullshit#like he told me he thinks that trans men and cis men are fundamentally different categories and trans men will never be cis men#but not in a 'the experiences are just different and come with different perspectives way'#in like a self defeating way. Like a I just have to settle for being a trans man way.#and it made me SO SAD#like bro#I'm so sorry for whoever the fuck made you feel like you're fighting an unwinnable battle#and I want to be a friend to him. I want him to feel like there's other queer people out there and there's friends and hope#but also I genuinely could see him being the kind of person who would get really angry at you for no fault of your own#like I already get the distinct feeling he resents me a little#like obviously not too much since he still wants to hang#but he's been trying and failing to get HRT for years and I got it super quickly basically by sheer luck/a doctor who looks out for me#like I'm so fucking lucky. And I just genuinely feel like he's the kind of person who might take that personally.#I just do not think I have the fucking. Emotional tool kit to salvage this shit#But I also can't exactly text him and say sorry I don't think we should hang out so. What do.#.....I wasn't even LOOKING for a new friend! I have enough friends!!! I wanted to make clay faces and look at pretty buildings dammit!!!#now I have to be the emotionally mature one who goes hmmm maybe let's not blame other depressed trans kids for our problems buddy#I'm just gonna have to be like. Upfront about my stance and if he doesn't like it well he doesn't have to hang out with me
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there’s a gold star sticker on the corner of a ripped page of kindergarten grammar homework. the paper is ripped too neatly to have been done by a child’s accidental clumsiness.
#i wanted to write a poem about it but it felt already written#the shaky letters that spelled out ‘trey’ were half backwards and beautiful#the gold star had a smily face on it and was untouched by the tears that quartered the paper#i’m sorry trey. i’m proud of your 3/10 on your grammar assignment.#you’re young. you don’t need to be able to spell quite yet. you have time.#the abandoned and muddied assignment i found under the bushes near the elementary school isn’t the end of the world for you or me#but i’m sorry your guardian. whoever they might be. couldn’t see that.
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swap au phighting regretevator except we don’t swap them with each other normally and we literally just drop spud in phighting and see what happens
#‘wtf elevator’just cram all. How many are there . Like 12 guys in one elevator idont think it’s 12 it might be 14 or whatever#JustWAIT BETTER IDEA#the elevator lands in the crossroads and some of them they’re like ‘what the FUCK is this’ *gets in* *disappears*#*the rest of the phighters phreak the phuck out*#church of the true eye vs whatever the fuck is happening with MR#SCYTHE VS POOB . SERIAL KILLER VS SCP 173 WHO WINSprohbaly woman but I woulg like to see subspace get his neck snapped by the :3beast#meanwhile putting a bunch of miscellaneous Guys in the phightingverse#no it’s called like . Inpherno or something o#infected is like skateboard but worse#no one does anyone in this game killPEST#he doesn’t want to but he would HE EVEN HAS MANDIBLES (LIKE HORNS#hey if the guy who ships pest and medkit sees this . Im not big on ships but ur real for that#pest is the most phighting character out of everything in regretevator#maybe besides Mach but I only mention her because wrowwwwww….. woman#she’s like Tall Banhammer Woman Sort Of. like scythe banhammer and whoever is the most ‘would host a gameshow’ guy. dom perhaps#canonically she’s. Wait *looks at the wiki*#‘an evolved species descended from a bloodline of manmade deities’ ok awesome#so do this . Make this occur
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if it seems like he's swooning, dont get it wrong, he's just doing a bad job of keeping a straight face while he tells me that for just 5 dollars a day i can help send his poor boy brain to college or something
or maybe the swooning is part of the sales pitch
#✿.art ° •#proship selfship#when i said i was gonna start getting goofy about every character i was ever drawn to i Meant it#tbh im thinking i might just have this whole blog be centered around a big crossover#with just whoever i feel like throwing in there and have more specific plots be kinda secondary#or the opposite of that where i have my big plot f/os posted on the blog and then link a more extensive (or exhaustive lol)#of other less developed ones#we'll see!
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