#who's now everyone's problem forever
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Emurl is the Outsider God of Magic
Though he almost always takes the form of a unusually pale-skinned man with tendril-like hair, Emrul is, in reality, a amorphous mass of black tar akin to a octopus without any eyes. While powerful in his own right and on par with the other chief gods, he lacks the same power and experience the elder gods do - a point that ruffles his feathers and that he aims to someday change.
Unlike any of the elder gods though, Emrul has taken a strong stance in the world of Aanrah, and involved and attached himself on a much deeper level than the elder gods are willing to. Since he world’s beginning, Emrul has orchestrated and managed what would come to be known as magic, becoming its chief ‘writer’ and controller. He pushed for such powers to stay among the gods or, at best, be given in very limited, controlled, and known fashions and amounts to other non-divine beings. And this was, for a time, how it went - and he had nobody to blame but himself for it ever changing.
(Cont. under the cut)
His deal with Szaifudrus would eventually destroy the immaculate control he’d kept over magic for millennia, and Yalidil Rana’s interference in tying the rest of it to the moon of Baza finalized that it was truly and utterly now out of Emrul’s hands. Since magic has become wildly available to anyone and everyone, Emrul’s followers have absolutely boomed - which while the power and attention was what Emrul sought, there is no doubt about how bitter he is about the situation.
Emrul’s followers consist almost entirely of magic-users, as one might expect. Almost every mage guild or collage has a shrine dedicated to him, and most wizards might have a personal one at home as well. While his responses are incredibly impersonal and detached, he is known for being a responsive god to prayers and interaction. He is known for having studies and towers on the material plane one might be able to find him at, including one in the northern region of the continent Draakrahlr.
Emrul is a somewhat irritable and vindictive god, and many who have had the misfortune of drawing his attention in some fashion, good or bad, often find themselves at the short end of the stick if they spend too much time in proximity to him. He is known for his aggressively selfish actions among longer-lived beings, and though many wizarding locations may worship him, the wisest warn of what dangers lie in dealing with him closely.
Those foolish enough are known to seek Emrul beyond his stance in the material world, and seek his power and understanding of reality beyond the current one. While he is much easier to get into contact than most of the other truly Outsider deities, like Kht’oth and Artitengh, Emrul is also known for being much more likely to drive a person directly into insanity just for asking.
#eldritch#homebrew#tabletop#ttrpg#dungeons and dragons#dnd#worldbuilding#god#deity#Emrul#you ever look at a picture a day later and finally realize what looks really off but it's like#too late (in big quotations)#me rn#also for same reason as Maholdymyndr it's Mora's stand in#who's now everyone's problem forever#Takes my previous designs for Mora and makes them into someone who sucks more
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wild to me to see posts like "wow everything in the tempest is named after shakespeare...emet you melodramatic bitch you sure loved theater". because the prospero-emet thing gets played up so hard in the english script and you can carry it so far!
like prospero is an asshole magician who, after being deposed by his brother as duke of milan, settles himself and his daughter on a remote island, enslaves the local spirits using his magic, and bitterly plots to reclaim his past glories. he rules through violence and deceit, and only survives and is reconciled when his plots reach their fruition and his brother is taken to his remote island and plots ensue and everyone decides he was totally right all along and they were huge dicks to him and they're sooooo sorry and he gets to go back and be duke again wow! and it's okay because he's like "i was only doing mean magic to get my rightful spot back and now i'm giving it up because magic is evil. :)"
the tempest is what emet wants his life to be. prospero is not a villain in the text of the tempest. he is barely treated as antagonistic by the text and framing of the play itself. all his abuses, his neglect and control of his daughter, his enslavement of caliban and ariel (local spirits/monsters/people of the island), his deception and plots against his brother, his abuse of magical powers (not awesome, from the pov of the contemporary audience), all that ultimately gets swept aside in the rightness of his return to milan and the warm feeling of the world being set to rights. prospero can't undo the years he spent on the island but they are ultimately a blip in his life before he returns to the rightful state of affairs. his abuse and enslavement of caliban, easily the worst thing he does in the play, is totally set aside when caliban goes "wow now i see how truly benevolent my master is. i love him and see the ways of christian good and i'm so, so appreciative he chose not to kill or beat me even though he totally could have and would have been in the right. he's so just and intelligent." everyone loves and forgives him and they all agree both his management of the island and his ultimate return are so good and so wise and so right.
emet comparing himself to the tempest (or being compared to it, depending on how you want to read the diegetic status of the place names) is absolute wishcasting. it is an attempt to manifest the happy ending he will never, ever get because his sins cannot and would not be forgiven in the way he wants. he wants to imagine himself as the righteous returned duke whose crimes, including the enslavement, abuse, and exploitation of those he saw as his rightful inferiors, were totally worth it, i promise. and if emet is prospero, the warrior of light is his caliban.
#emet-selch#ffxiv#hades#shadowbringers spoilers#like by the time you get to the end you've already spoken to the amaurotine shades and hythlodaeus in particular#it's incredibly clear that even if emet's plans come to fruition he is *utterly alien to the world he is trying to restore*#and like prospero is restored in the end. but his wife is still dead. miranda grew up isolated and alone.#also to take a somewhat more jaundiced view#the things he did to caliban and to ariel can never be undone. that stain is with him forever.#and i mean even IF you can just yank all those souls right out of zodiark and fix the whole thing#there's still everyone who died before the first sacrifice and after the second. also THE VOID IS THE VOID.#'yeah uh we'll just fix that. when zodiark is up and running properly.'#sure dude i totally believe your expertise on the problem you caused by not knowing enough. you definitely know enough now.#anyways he can't waver for even a moment bc it means acknowledging he has betrayed everything he ever claimed to believe in due to his grie#he is in blood stepped so far etc. if i can be allowed to mix my shakespeares#emet-selch more like emet-sunk cost fallacy#meta: durai report
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the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)
but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.
the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore
#talkys#my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading#to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want#to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing#never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it#nothing seems very worth it#im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true#well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's#moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai#delete later#even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions#my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years#and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came#im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that#<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave#and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever#and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l
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#okay sorry for venting but i’ve been processing that session for months#like im the one who fucked up that session because i couldnt make myself say anything and actually naming any problem i have#felt like im begging to have a bunch of excuses#and god that paychologist really made me feel like i imagined all of that for attention and now im back here again and im once again#realizing my brain is just fucked up and what do i do now because if i went to a session now#i would be in the same situation where i can’t say anything that actually bothers me#so i guess im in deep shit forever or at least until i stop having some fucking mental block or whatever#im just fucking tired bro…….#she told me everyone is a little bit autsitic and that’s it WHAT#bro if i had little enough symptoms of whatever that i could do stuff by myself anyway i wouldnt fucking be ghere paying 200zł for the most#ruining hours of my life thank you so much.#instead i have to use everyone in my life as a crutch because i literally just can’t function without help IUOUOUGHHH#god im so sorry okay im gone im just really going through it rn#vent
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sure sucks that faucet doesn't like people talking about [ ] because [ ] has the objectively coolest pronouns out of all of us hkjgh
#i mean yeah not [ ] fault [ ]'s a faucet but [ ] pronouns are fun to use hkjggh#redacted ass gender#anyway we. oh goddamnit.#SHOVING EVERYONE ASIDE YOOOOOO YEARNING TIME HELLO ALL!! WE'RE GETTING BOBA TEA [SCREAMS EXCITEDLY!!!!!!!!]#STIMMING INTERNALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YIPPEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sugar treats will solve all our problems forever :33#<- that's not true. they're likely to cause more problems actually. (IRRELEVANT!!! JUMPS UP AND DOWN!!!!!!!)#anyway we're setting up our pluralkit and wow. this is exhausting hkjh how does anyone do this hkjhg#we're likely not going to use all of these. in fact i doubt Lookout's and Ceres's will get any use at all?#and the ones who like hiding and/or don't like talking probably won't see much use either. and we still all like talking together like this#its likely just gonna be for if we know who's talking. otherwise we're all INCREDIBLY BLURRY and trying to pry us apart is Bad for us.#on the plus side me n julibelle can call each others names over and over again in a different medium LMAO HKJHG :P#if you do that i'm making you both a new spam channel for containment purposes.#hahakjh wowww a channel just for ussss? maestro u shouldnt have~ :'3 <333#you are incorrigible.#[okay that's enough. everyone be quiet now.]#💫#🌻#🏹#🍱#🌫️
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To add a little more to that post about how peaches represent SWK and Mac's relationship:
In the mountain, Macaque is the one to crush the peach in his hand. He offered it to Sun Wukong, and when he didn't accept it and instead yelled at him, he destroyed it and threw it on the ground
In the end, it was Macaque who left first, not the other way around. Now, their broken relationship isn't completely his fault, but he did play a part on it
SWK screamed at him when he tried to mend their friendship, so instead of trying again, he left. That's what broke their relationship for good. Not Sun Wukong yelling, not Liu'er Mihou not looking for him, but Macaque leaving and (as far as we know) not coming back. La gota que colmó el vaso, we could say. Stuff had already been going on between those two. SWK never seemed to genuinely listen to Macaque and his promises of staying forever were empty (he never would've been able to stay in one place for so long) and Macaque never even bothered to communicate his negative feelings over this, so when he warned him he was ignored
Sun Wukong left again and again and again, looking for more power to "be strong enough to protect them", and eventually he lost sight of why he was doing it. But no matter how many times he left, he came back. Macaque didn't
#they both did what they wanted from the other#swk wanted mac to be able to leave when he wanted on the condition that he'd always come back#mac wanted swk to stay w him and be loyal to him the same way he was to swk forever#swk promised they'd stay there forever but even if he had tried he would've eventually broken that promise#the one time macaque left swk on his own he never returned#they both hurt each other so much#it wasn't a one-sided thing like so many ppl believe#“oh but swk left and killed macaque! he's a selfish shit!” “but macaque abandoned swk n hes technically the one at fault for everything!”#shut up#i'm not gonna say neither of them were at fault. cuz they both were#but it wasn't one-sided#now the difference between them is how they act about it. swk is trying to be a better person and to not repeat his past mistakes#macaque gets angry and torments mk (who is a child especially compared to him) for being close to swk#and tries to convince him that swk is a terrible mentor when in reality he's never hurt mk (yet. and even then it wasn't intentional)#most of mk's problems w swk come not only from the fact that swk sucks at communication but also from teh fact that everyone's+#talking shit abt him. they're saying swk sucks n make mk doubt him n himself when swk rlly is just trying his best#anyways i'll get more into that later#lmk#lego monkie kid#sun wukong#the six eared macaque#liu'er mihou#swk#the monkey king#shadowpeach#lmk season 4#peaches#avis talks#avis' post
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i don't like season three when viewing it as a continuation of seasons one and two, but i do very much like season three when viewing it as the prequel to seasons four and five... hmmmmm.
#rewatching it bc i wanted to make another foreshadowing compilation post for myself regarding what will's actions will#likely be in season five re: vecna and lmao. so many things are just... it's like. it makes me laugh how In Your Face it is now#that we know all that we know. so many direct parallels both with dialogue and actions. mike/will/lucas/el foreshadowing their s4 roles.#the flaying of the holloways and the creels. the dormancy / activation shit. the building shit. the natural progression of their arcs.#the different ways that their characters approach problem solving and how we see tht reinforced by s4. it's so fascinating#genuinely i think idk it was just such a big culture shock i guess u could say from 1 and 2 that it was hard to digest on its own for me#but now that 4 is in the same vein it's like Oh. Okay. Yeah no. I get it now. That's cool. I'm forever bitter but I get it and respect it.#3 4 and 5 are a package deal considering they also said 4 was like part 1 of 5.#it also makes sense bc the point of 3 was that everyone was changing and building themselves in a new way and that#includes vecna so. just so fascinating how they link everything and how their vision is so consistent with certain plots and characters#like. the lucas max mike n will + el involvement is right there. the idea that they have to kill vecna and not just his puppets is right#there. that 2nd point starts in season two but three is where it really turns into an ''the end justifies the means'' situation#(especially for will which i think is something a lot of people overlook but—)#s3 is painful when considering their personal character arcs but fucking delicious when considering the overarching supernatural vecna plot#bc thts also when he starts his ''there is no stopping this'' shtick and actually enters the story#and he's fucking slimy lol. which i Love#anyway. omg first i defended mike in the rain fight and now i'm saying i kind of like season three who the FUCK am i!!!!!#crazy what feeling the need to defend a white boy's honor will do to you 😳
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its kind of funny that ppl are talking like Literally Everyone is Actually saying or implying they would rather have the ice king than simon that. seems like an exaggeration. the only people who say anything of the sort are astrid, who wasn’t even born yet while simon was still ice king and just thinks of him as “cool wizard” and “wrote some fun books”, and fionna & cake, who have seen approximately 10 seconds of ice king in a moment where he’s not doing particularly bad, and who have only interacted with simon at literally the lowest point of his entire life so far. what finn & tv say in ep2 reads as them hearing the conversation and assuming its more along the lines of “simon being embarrassed by work he thinks is bad” than “simon trying to avoid this thing because it is associated with a traumatic part of his life”. and prismo is just like. a little peeved that he can’t access or control his own creation anymore. Like, the Points people are generally trying to make when they bring this up are not without merit, and you could say that’s the message simon got from the last couple of days but. unless i forgot something there is absolutely 0 indication of any person who met ice king saying anything that remotely actually implies they enjoyed having ice king around more than simon. we just have a handful of people saying they happen to like One Thing ice king did. the people of ooo did not undergo a wave of selective amnesia about the ice king
#generally like…#YES the specific moments the writers have chosen to show us ARE conveying something greater than just. These Events Happened#but theyre also not supposed to be representative of… ‘this is the whole of this character now’ or ‘this is what things are like ALWAYS’#if Every Single Day of simons life was just like this he probably would have been pulling his magic portal bullshit a lot sooner#we saw finn for like 10-15 minutes mostly in the context of him trying to help someone with a MAJOR emotional problem#we didn’t see the literal entirety of his life and who he is now from every angle#and the only people who even bring up f&c unprompted are astrid and dirt beer guy#not because literally everyone suddenly became completely obsessed with the f&c stories after CAWM#but because it’s…… an important part of setting up the plot#It’s AT man. The world exists and moves even when we don’t see it.#The stuff they’re showing us is important but it’s not meant to say that all of this#is all there is to anyone and this small span of time in ooo is what it’s always like forever constantly.#basilposting#atposting
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do you ever have a house full of people that all resent each other but will never talk it out so it just makes everyone blow up at random which makes everyone else mad which makes everything worse and it’s also 10am
#couldn’t hear what my sister said so i asked her to say it again and now i’m a bitch who is trying to make her mad on purpose and my#other sibling is a bitch for something or other and now i want everyone to die forever#and she just had to bring up my mother smh. no problem is ever made better by bringing up our mother i fucking hate it here
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god the culling game sucks ass just end this shit already i don't care about randos from 1000 years ago why can't shounen manga ever just focus on the main characters instead of bringing a bunch of new randos into the mix and shoving everyone's favs into the void never to be seen again
#goodbye nobara todo inumaki panda okkotsu utahime gojo etc etc see u never i guess#there's so many chapters of this arc that just go nowhere like the manga artist guy the third year student... fucking...naoya?? like whyyyy#it's all just empty noise who cares about any of this shit#this is supposed to be about high schoolers who fight demons now it's just nonsense#can someone tell whichever dumbfuck man writing this that you don't have to solve all your story problems by introducing a new character#there are seriously so many boring randos who show up for a few chapters and then disappear forever#i'm just like what is even happening at this point can we just bring everyone back together lmao#jjk
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what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group
#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever#im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point#and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn#selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too#we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right#get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure#what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye#AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care#she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us#what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not#taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg#just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg#why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend#and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic#and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc#but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever#if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die#sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP#id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh#post#nickpost#will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1#i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it#sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh#nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone#living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh#adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway#its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her#bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships
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like im just saying they should invent a family that doesn't make you want to kill yourself
#and a school system while theyre at it#or just a me that wouldn't make me want to kill myself#just like. without all the problems that make it impossible to exist in normal society as myself#i know technically its possible for me to have a future but goddammit i dont see one okay#i havent made a single goddamn real life connection since middle school and now we're so distant i barely remember whos who on discord#thats not to mention how I've just been on the edge of every friendgroup anyway. including that one#im just some fucking loser. im not going to fucking graduate my only career aspiration is a goddamn pipe dream and if i dont fucking kill#myself by then im going to be stuck living with my family forever and we're not going to be seeing eye to eye.#all ive ever done is dig myself a deep grave and then tether other people to me to drag them down too#i love you all but i dont know how you see me as anything but gross and annoying and weirdly fucking clingy okay#i just#i dont know what im fucking doing#i wish i did. i wish i knew but i dont. and it feels like everyone else has figured out how things work and im just supposed to do that too#but i cant. i fucking cant and it keeps getting worse and i keep getting worse and i keep making it worse for my family while im at it#i miss being able to imagine doing stuff tomorrow. or in an hour#i miss being able to wash the dishes and not having to think about stabbing myself with fucking cutlery#i miss being able to show my mother my report card#but its my fucking fault im in this mess in the first place#and i just cant fucking try enough. or at all#aethers rants#cw vent#cw sui ideation#personal posts and stuff idk
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#okay I'm talking in the tags of this post cause shit is happening in my life and I gotta talk about it somewhere#one part of it is my step brother crashing and burning before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop his own destructive actions#so it's just me watching this poor kid ruin his relationships and blame everything and everyone around him as he does so#despite the fact that he's undeniably been treated horribly at times- he's just turned that anger back onto others and himself#and I have no idea what to feel as I watch him get arrested. have drug problems. because I'm just waiting for the inevitable spiral#it doesn't help that my mom has been comparing us and saying that I'm the much better child and she wishes he was like me#not understanding that I could’ve been him if I was just more angry at the world at that age instead of being so sad and scared#and that leads me to my fucking mom cause like- I love her. we've been through alot of bad shit with her#I've almost done some really bad shit for her and I know that she loves me more than anything else#but it feels like its been getting more and more suffocating cause I'm not sure she's able to start seeing me as an adult#and start loosening her grip around me and let me breathe. to have my own experiences without her by my side#to be able to go places and imagine a future without her constantly by my side#she talks and it's like she doesn't even think to wonder that perhaps I want to form my own experiences#and experience the world on my own terms because I feel like I've spent my whole life having so little damn control#religious family. shit and neglectful father who turned into the exact opposite and nearly killed me. family who refuses to listen and talk#having to move and run immediately. put survival above all else. go to school. get out. and god I just wanna breathe#she loves me so much and I love her too. but I feel like I'll be sooner crushed if I stick here for long enough#I'm just mad that my life has been nothing but absolutely no love. sudden waves of intense love. absolutely nothing. sudden spike#and I feel like I'm just finally starting to form good. healthy relationships on my own terms and actually make friends#because I had no idea what I was doing when I was a kid cause I was so fucking lonely and hurting#now I just. gotta figure out how to tell my mom that I can't carry this expectation that I'll continue to stay forever by her side#it just feels like I'm her child first and a person second. and it sucks. it really sucks.#ough. spins and spins and spins and spins-
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Im cursing [REDACTED] right NOW
#god i better never have contact with this guy again or i might flip out on him#im about to ramble about my past “dating" adventures (we were casual but sheesh cant even be friends with this guy tbh)#im realizing months later how much this guy i used to talk to sucked#like DUDE be a better or stay single FOREVER (ΘдΘ)#and by that i mean learn how to better handle approaching others feelings!#god the way he would just shutdown others ppls feelings and it was just an endless loop of “that doesnt make sense” or “thats dumb”#sure emotions can be irrational but if someone is desperately TRYING to explain why they feel a way (even if theyre struggling to be clear)#maybe dont be so dismissive#like literally one time i was annoyed cause talking to him was grating on my nerves#and i was like ik it doesnt make sense so let me step away cause im annoyed#and hes like trying to logic me out of my annoyance???#like worstie im literally walking away so i can cool off#leave it be!#god looking back on all this....#i hope to god whoever hes talking to (if hes talking to anyone) isnt dealing with similar things#ppl can change so ill just hope for that#or maybe he'll meet his match#someone who reflects the same energy he has!#tho im not sure if hed like that haha#the guy seemed to have a lot of relationship problems in general (romantic and platonic) and i wanted to have the benefit of the doubt#but now im thinking maybe his personality was also just clashing with everyone elses#which isnt necessarily a bad thing on its own#gotta get context for everything u know#but in this case....naur#like im a pretty anxious person so how ppl i care about will react to what im doing or saying is constantly at the back of my mind!#so ppl who just come off as flippant about my fee fees annoy me fr#im like “ahh what if i upset so and so” constantly#trying to make sure not to make things harder for them#and they cant even spare me a single thought before doing something and dismiss me when i get upset#but also they wanna come to me when theyre feeling sad about something???
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two of the dnd campaigns I'm in right now have significant Panopticon Problems and y'all I am. fuckin tired
#maybe two and a half#elyss's campaign has had 'someone is watching all the time forever' going on in like... five completely unrelated ways for ages#which is its own kind of stupid and exhausting tbqh#on the one hand I didn't count it in the main post because our cleric has an amulet of nondetection with a radius of effect#so it's less of an issue in theory? but in practice otherworldly entities keep showing up and being a problem anyway so???#uhh but yeah mel AND juniper's campaign both have had 'someone was scrying on you so they showed up where you are to make problems :)'#in a way that's like fuckin.... okay fair play once for dramatic effect#but now it's so much harder and more stressful to try to talk about anything or go anywhere or do anything#because maybe the bad guys are watching and listening and will get there ahead of you to set an ambush or kill everybody!! :)#anyway in other news we're finally circling back to zhartook's homeland where mel's parents have been brought#and everyone who survived the island's firebombing are in hiding in an extremely secret hidden druid sanctuary#sure hope we don't accidentally do or say anything while someone happens to be scrying on us that leads to their discovery and doom :)#sucks bro#about me
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I have now twice started a long long fic with an amazing plot/premise and stellar writing only for it to devolve, for no goddamn reason, into a 100,000 word ‘interlude’ where the main character gets hyper-omniscient therapy that somehow fixes everything and nothing matters anymore
#hollypunkerspost#i am now going to avoid ‘fix it’ on fics forever#stop fixing canon. make it worse. where is the drama?? where is the plot?!#instead of therapy have your mc do drugs and run into a wall to avoid his problems#rant#also you cant turn real historical figures into aliens without warning that was insane#99% of characters are not gunna do therapy or do it well#what happened to the: therapist told me something that was slightly off because i didnt give them the full context#and now i blame my therapist instead of my mistakes#why is it just ‘they go to therapy’ and suddenly there is NO MORE of that cool plot#and every character who is slightly older is suddenly wise and knows the context for everything everyone does#are these fucking omniscient therapists telling everyone what is happening?#omniscient therapists ruining everything damn#WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TWICE#i am just so personally annoyed
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