#who just wants to help people and fix things but doesnt have a SHRED of self love

[berenshand]

me yesterday: the next 911 episode is going to be a miserable tearjerker to begin with but they always get you with some super sad music choice and that makes it even worse. mark my words, mom.

my mom: you're being dramatic

me hearing exactly 1 note of 'fix you' by coldplay and immediately breaking down: THIS IS EXACTLY THE SHIT I WAS TALKING ABOUT

[sirswooshnoodles]

Image descriptions: many many tags:

#as a jeweler: DEAR GOD WHAT HAVE THEY DONE #if thats actual garnet. why would you do that to it #if it isnt: ill kill you for lying #but from the photos alone: that isnt silver

#thats some mystery metal shit that you dont want touching your skin because why does it look like its rusting

#when silver us dirty even from soldering it doesnt ever look luke that

#AND ANOTHER THING! that prong setting? not even fully closed half those prongs are barely touching that stone that shits gonna be wiggling-

#and wobling scratching up that stone and being a nusiance to keep clean PLUS its gonna get caught on everything

#ALSO from the look of the stones in all of them #theyve been touched woth heat and are damaged. dont buy damaged stones theyre gonna break eventually

#but anyway those almost def arwnt garnet. from the look of the other settings id say a shitty quality cubic zirc because those are - #settings you can only do by casting (or gluing them in like costume jewelery)

#whoch makes me wonder what castong house would stoop That

Low

#all the canadian ones wont even take ur order without proof of professional trainin

#okay im done i gotta go to work

#sorry laz im back #THE VISIBLE SOLDERI G GOD

#i would have been ripped to shreds o the solder job alone if i tried to present that as even a first attempt at a prong setting

#WHY DIDNT THEY CLEAN THE FUCKING SOLDER BLOBS

#its kne thing if ur setting is fucked but to be visibly VISIBLY a shitty rush job with no clean up work #come ON PEOPLE

#this os all im going to think about for the next 7 hours of my shift i

‹now it

#its. so poorly made

#like they went throigh the effort of goving a fairly decent effort in the photography. AS IF THE WOULD HELP THE SLAPPED TOGETHER BULLSHIT

#im just #im astounded

#if this was practice work i wouldnt bat an eye

#BUT THATS THE FUCKING FINISHED PRODUCT #THATS WHAT THEYRE SELLING

#i would be too ashamed of the piss poor craftsmanship to even consider selli g that with my name attatched #im just. im just. why are they so dirty

#did you not even try to clean them nameless etsy seller????

#you can see the spots where they filed and sanded. but they didnt bother to clean anything. why is it so crusty

#they could be just ok. but there is ZERO finishing work done #like they skipped the most intensive part of the process #you cant just skip finishing work man

#like even if you dont polish them you dont have to polish them #but you need to clean. you need to tske off the solder blobs and you need to clean whatever scum is stuck to your metal

#laz tell me one thing what kind of metal are they advertising this as i need to know

#prev. the metal on all listings is Sterling Silver

#STERLING????? I THINK THE FUCK NOT

#first off. thats too dark to be sterling. SECOND. STERLING AT NO POINT STARTS TO LOOK LIKE THAT NO MATTER HOW DIRTY #it looks also like those have never NEVER seen a pickle pot let alone some soap and water

#sterling at no point becomes slightly yellow

#not even nickle silver (a common alloy people try to pass off as sterling) looks like that after soldering and nickle silver looks gnarly-#before you pickle it and do your finishing on it. like thats not even nickle??? unnamed etsy seller i have questions

#like. are they intentionally and willfully decieving people? or were they lied to by a supplier and dont have the training to know that??

#Also. the second to last ring. baby girl why is the metal itsself cracked. who hurt you

End of tags

Next image is a stick figure holding a box of popcorn with a speech bubble saying “damn”.

End descriptions.

I believe all these tags are from the same person but who isn’t shown so I’m not 100% sure.

Note: typos in the tags are from the photos I didn’t feel like fixing them

kinda obsessed with these, clearly beginner, rings on Etsy being marketed as garnet when i'd bet money that they are glass

the metal work is. certainly better than what i've ever made, so i don't want to speak to harshly. but uh. um.

[thenixkat]

again its ok for the Justice League to stop dictatorships on other planets or third world countries but not to stop any other countries doing wrong again Dr. Soos fixed Booster's shredded suit b4. The robo suit that Ted made is of lesser quality that Dr. Soos' work and was unnecessary

unless folks just wanted to change Booster's hero costume

so people do tours of the Justice League headquarters given they're public government back figures and people want to know more about them. But like… superheroes get attacked all the time why bring kids to the Justice League head quarters? Fire is clearly bitter about shit, which having emotions about things is fine but if she can't be professional around these kids she shouldnt be part of the tour

and Booster is casually sexist about her having feelings and expressing them in the wrong time and place where these impressionable kids can hear him

and Bea calls him out on his fucking sexism which she should, but Booster brushes it off and changes the subject

and then he apologizes but like that's annoying that he brushed her off in the first place

also again, Booster could have just gone back to Dr. Soos to get his costume fixed a lot better than Ted managed in this series. Like, Booster didnt mention something having happened to the man in this series so I have to assume the writer forgot Dr. Soos exists even tho it was the same writer from Booster's solo also good on Ted for not going with trying to recreate the accident that gave Bea her powers b/c that would be too fucking dangerous and might not even work. Nice to see the ooc version of Ted in this series has at least one ethic

meanwhile there's political strife and family drama happening with Ice in her homeland and interesting that her evil brother dresses like a slut

man said the only things his armor needs to protect in their ice kingdom is his groin and kneecaps also he's a dick

there being sexism in Tora's culture would explain her kind of slutshaming of Bea on a frequent basis

and Guy just constantly sexually harasses his female coworkers constantly regardless of whether or not he's still trying to be a couple with Ice/thinks of her as his girl

i dont think Booster actually tested out this new suit b4 deciding to take it into the field. He's been shown to be impatient about getting back into heroing

also these fishpeople space cops seem very professional. Too bad for them they look a lot less human than the alien criminals (at lest one of which is a rapist) they're chasing and we all know how superheroes just jump into shit without listening to people and assault the least human looking fuckers there

it bothers me that this is one of those situations that Superman tried to force Booster to understand with people claiming to be the victims actually being the bad guys.

eh like, more that shit with Superman and Booster annoys me than there being situations where fuckers just lie to superheroes at the very least yall should probably talk to someone who knows both intergalactic law and about the aliens yer dealing with

of course the Usono government coming in willing to use force to get the Justice League to turn folks over to be extradited doesnt help. Mostly just cause how fucking fight happy superheroes are instead of talking shit through. Just go along with folks and ask for proof of the space cops' claims

again yall could just go to the UN with folks, and ask for proof instead of getting yer feelings in a twist and fighting the soldiers of one of teh countries providing yer funding

superheroes really just like settling things with violence huh

wow Booster its almost like you should have tested that armor thoroughly before going out into the field with it where yer life would be in danger

Guy also sexually harasses female enemies constantly

just why cant we fire Guy? He's unprofessional, an asshole, and active danger to his teammates and the public

Captain Atom, not being interested in fighting for fightings sake, decides to call it quits and let his higher ups talk to the people in charge of the League

for people who live in an ice kingdom yall like exposed skin. I'm gonna have to assume being ice gods with ice powers the cold doesnt bother them.

you never know with DC, they just had Wonder Woman and Maxima in Alaska with no protective gear and I cant be certain that they'd be unaffected by the cold so Ice's brother killed their dad to stop him from appointing Ice as his heir

Booster just hasn't been able to move since his new costume got shorted out and that is a major safety concern

Booster just gets left there on the table

and the editor didnt catch the errors on Wonder Woman's speech bubble

i dont even know which president that is. But the League is being ordered to turn over the alien criminals

the government probably should rethink having the sanctioned Justice League full of people who are just fucking vigilantes with not really any loyalty to the governing bodies or the law

yall could just be making soldiers into metas and having them in the sanctioned superhero league if you want someone who'd actually follow orders and be less likely to cause international incidents as this bunch of loose canons Wonder Woman, where's yer proof that those two alien criminals are telling the truth? They respond to most things with violence and attempted lethal force thus far and were vague about what they're wanted for. They could have been lying or downplaying shit

and man I hate that thing with Superman going "you can't just be helping people" being in my mind while reading this cause Superman was on some conservative bs in a poorly written story and very blatantly just didn't like Booster Gold

why did you approach their ship while openly carrying very big guns

and are surprised that teh space cops fired a warming shot?

the warning shot accidentally was too close to one of the military guys approaching. But the superheroes are just raring to fight without talking to fuckers

not the space cops going 'this isnt worth their time, the earthers can deal with these fuckers'

huh, Fire's doing research on alien law

also damn this man couldn't even wait for the space cops to leave b4 trying to rape Fire

and also going after one of the ladies in the group currently sheltering you from teh cops, like at least leave to find a victim

at least they;ve got proof now that these guys are criminals

Bea is not helpless without her powers. Apparently she used to be a member of the Brazilian equivalent of the CIA

the man's partner knocks Bea out unfortunately after she started asking questions. Thankfully for her his partner stops him from assaulting her while she's out cause they have more pressing business

also apparently the fish people space cops are a lot more responsible than Earth cops, apparently they wouldnt just rough up civilians to get to the criminals they're after so Ice's people can be effected by the cold if its cold enough. Why the fuck are yall dresssing so sluttily in snow then?

Wonder Woman just hand the fucker over good lords

so folks are actually having a meeting and talking

Wonder Woman admits to part of teh reason she refused to hand the prisoners over was just her being speciesist towards the fish aliens for their looks. Also WW that's not how the law works, last I remember in teh USA if a criminal from another country who did their crimes in a different country tried to hide in teh USA the USA would turn the fuckers over to the country they did the crimes in for the law there to handle them?

Guy apparently flips his shit about people telling him to keep calm and let the rest of them talk shit through and kills one of the criminals and flies off.

[lightkrets312]

thinking about how unconfortably relatable Papyrus is and how I can pinpoint exactly why I initially hated him when I first played through the game and I'm just :/

[icefrozendeadlyqueen]

My Neighbor is a Lochbrok: Prologue

No Summary. This has been stuck in my head for so long. I had to write it.

Pairing: (y/n) x Ubbe, (y/n) x Sigurd, Adia x Bjorn, Ashla x Hvitserk, Ivar x unknown.

Word count: I have no idea

Also: This is my first time writing Hvitserk. Please let me know how is he?? This is the longest reader insert I have done. Chapter 1 will come after I recover. I think this is awesome, but I am bias. 

Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"(y/n)! Please! Open this door". 

A December night welcome you back into the land of the living one thing you really didn't need today waking up. You had enough with the lack of sleep for the past week to worry about getting your lazy ass out of bed. Suddenly the noises stop all at once giving you enough silence to welcome the sweet embrace call sleep. Does slumber has an aroma? A peaceful feeling that rings familiarity and numbness into your subconscious. It was a nice thought the soft sheets on top of your body pushing you back into sleep while the air conditioner is at the right temperature pumping that desirable amount of cold air needed for (y/n) to achieve sleeping state. Heart rate slows down like the gentle state you get when your fur is laid against a meadow. A violent pound awoke you from your slumber with no upcoming warning (y/n) lips part trying to speak words that never reach the outside of your lips. (y/n) pushes some hair out of her face trying to wake herself up, "I am awake! I am aw-", (y/n) crashes back into the bed pushing the sheets and blankets back onto her body, she forgets the reason she was woken up, it barely slips her mind too soon a thud disturbs your sleeping state once more. (y/n)'s eyes open turning a yellows color a look only taken when the werewolf in question is too close to shifting. A growl escapes your lips pushing the sheets of off you a loud scream escapes your lips; however, the pounds only grows now with your frustration.

"Stop your bickering dammit! I was fucking sleeping!", (y/n) seats on the bed breath in and shouting at the top of your lungs with everything you had in store. You aren't one to shout at anyone without a good reason. Sleep is reason enough. A week have you been deprived of sleep because of some Alpha duty you had to attend too. (y/n) roars once more possibly trembling the whole apartment and announcing to the whole 500 radius that some poor soul have upset the Alpha. (y/n) grabs shorts from the floor putting them on with some t-shirt that was surely stolen from her roommates room. Your hands shake incapable of holding onto your frustration despite you trying not to shred your favorite pajamas. Pajamas made only for you birthday present from your (f/c/s). (y/n) smiles at the good pros of being an Alpha taking such an assignment from your lazy sister. You stump across the apartment ignoring your roommate chugging a bucket of ice cream, "It's Chad". She whispers stopping you dead set before you even reach for the door handle. (y/n) takes a 360 turn looking straight at her friend, "Why is he knocking so loud? Doesn't he knows who I am?", (y/n) places both trembling hands together cracking a joint for good measure anything to help you not to pound the son's beta to death.

"You completely erase last night?", She asks giving you a once over. (y/n) ponders on her friends question before saying anything. A couple of images in Calamity last night rushes in your consciousness. Chad's arms around your shoulder the whole pack having a blast at your sisters bar that's many of the shops or stores we have around New York City to sustain the pack, his sucking attempt to be sexy, some words you cant register then you punching him to an inch of his life... what the? Why did I punch him?

"Guess I did. I haven't had a proper sleep in a while cut me some slack", (y/n) claims taking a turn to the kitchen ignoring the laughter of her friend. You forgot important events of last night it seems there is nothing coffee can't fix. (y/n) walks the short steps to the instant coffee cabinet taking (f/o) out walking to the machine with a suspicious glare towards her friend that hasn't responded yet, "I am waiting. I would love to see a half sleep Alpha beat the fuck out of her ex". She an omega laughs louder than the pounds on your apartment door. 

"My Ex? Who Jeffrey? Last time a check isn't he in Denmark now?". (y/n) turns the coffee machine on after water and the coffee was in their respective places. 

"Chad. You ended your relationship with him after he made the worst mistake in history", She starts off pushing the ice cream to the side. (y/n) leans back on the counter next to her coffee machine staring directly at the ball of sunshine that's your friend. She wore rainbow pajamas that read on big letters "Chilling is my middle name".

"Which is?", (y/n) respond curiously to know what happen last night.

"You know how you hate your sister to the death? You know how if you had to pick between me or her. You'll choose me right?". (y/n) nods not sure where this is going from all things possible. Your friend smiles a smile that let you to raise an eyebrow.

"Yeah, so? Everyone knows I hate her". (y/n) sighs heavily calming down heavily at the soothing scent of just brew coffee. (y/n) leans off the counter walking short steps to the cup cabinets above your friends head, "But only 3 people can talk about it... maybe 4 if we include the none conventional boyfriend your sister has. That they arent together... but whatever helps her sleep at night", Your friend chuckle gaining you to stop midway to the coffee machine, "That's her phrase. If she hears you, you'll regret it".

"She did double shift at Calamity. Hvitzzy came back and guess who didn't want to come home to sleep??". (y/n) rolls her eyes at her roommate side tracking from one conversation to the next. It was obvious she loved to guess the type of modern relationship my sister has with Calamity's bartender, "Huh? The new pack members finish training?". (y/n) asks as roommate nods with a smile on her lips. She rushes out of her seat so quick (y/n) almost spills her coffee. At first, you thought she needed to hit the toilet, but she return with a book notes address to you from Hvitserk, "Luke brought you this.. It's from Hvitserk. He wasn't able to give it to you with the whole thing. He explains in detail of each member... he was very detail. Luke compelled me so I didn't open it, so please take it". Your roommate pushes the notebook on the kitchen counter staring directly at it then glancing back at you with eyes that explain everything. (y/n) sips her coffee shutting half of her sleep goodbye.

"What the fuck happen last night, Adia?!". 

"Chad insulted Ashla in the busiest night Calamity has seen so far. He said and I quote, "It seems nature skip your sister from the bottom of my heart I feel for anyone that thinks she could ever become a proper Alpha" I don't know if it was the couple of drinks you have had or lack of proper sleep. You swing an uppercut so quick it surprise everyone at the table. I was shock Hvitserk wasn't amuse. Your sister came into the bar and walk out saying something about she isn't going to jail today. It took an hour to pull you from Chad just because 40 minutes of that we were all just stun. You shouted to him, "Only I am allowed to insult her! Yeah she is a fucking bitch, but that doesnt give you the right. She is my flesh and blood". I mean yeah Chad had said stuff about Ashla to her face and behind her back countless off time much worse than that you just never were around to hear it". Adia retells the last night events as the picture of last night clouds your memory.

Flashback.

It was 2 minutes to 11 o'clock. New York City night life has just started with the many human and wolfs alike pouring into Calamity. Midnight was around the corner and a couple to many drinks in your system. Chad holds your shoulder to keep you steady as everyone comes by paying their respect to the Alpha then walks to the bar to welcome back Hvitserk for the excellent work at training new recruits. Old faces come and go with rarely new ones the whole pack was here living their best life, "Another drink for our Alpha!", Chad claims gaining a crowd to raised their glasses cheering happily. (y/n) chuckles uncontrollably at the slight thought this is an amazing night. You kiss Chad on the cheek with him returning your affection, "I have to go say my words to Hvitserk. I'll be right back". (y/n) moves back with beer in hand walking to the bar hearing a soft, "I'll be here", from Chad's lips. Hvitserk laughs at some joke Luke spoke near the bar. (y/n) walks slow steps stopping right in front of the infamous Alpha, "Welcome back, Alpha", (y/n) words brings Hvitserk's eyes staring directly at your (e/c). It was a short sense of acknowledgement as his eyes drift to the door. His green eyes keep contact with those that (y/n) knows is her by the strawberries and cigarette strong scent, Ashla.

"You are staring Hvitserk", Luke calls out making you laugh almost choking on the beer you were trying to drink.

"Luke leave the lover boy over here. He can stare all he wants, but Ashla is not the woman I would recommend, Hvitty", (y/n) inch closer to him whispering words laughing soon after at his stare from Luke green eyes to your (e/c).

"I am not staring". Hvitserk claims keeping his eyesight on the drink he has been working for Luke.

"Right... and Ashla is a proper lady", Adia whispers just to sweeten the deal (y/n) burst out laughing replying back, "This shouldn't be funny".

"Ashla said we could add a moderate amount of Wolfsbane". Hvitserk inches closer to my ears whispering seductively the words that make me fear life as it is. He pulls back cracking a laugh at my fearful utter expression, "You didn't just do that?". (y/n) asks just as Hvitserk avoids a sharp glass thrown at him from across the room. Luke, Adia & (y/n) turn around to stare far across the other side of the bar a black hair woman with glaring black eyes looking back at us, "Well, Ashla is pissed. She didn't told you to use Wolfsbane, did she?".

"I did to us werewolves not to the humans". Ashla soft whisper reach all the corner of our minds. (y/n) shivers turning around shaking the feeling that Ashla might just be behind you.

"I'll prepare whiskey on the rocks if you come here". Hvitserk whispers to my sister. We stare seeing Ashla taking another cigarette out placing both her lips around it. She looks up with a glare directly at Hvitserk, "My attention cost food".

"I was waiting for you to say that", Hvitserk responds with a cheeky grin adorning his lips. (y/n) looks back at Hvitserk bringing some plastic bags from under the bar counters. You look as Adia shiver pointing to the other side of the bar (y/n) looks towards it seeing Ashla joining group, "Congrats, Hvitserk. You have master Ashla". Luke says sadly right after Ashla proceeds to punch his gut with her elbow. She sat back down eating her food and alcohol in silent, "Has everyone said their welcome backs?".

"Hmm.. Let me see". Hvitserk reach back to put his hair up again. It was cute the state everyone was in Hvitserk was back, Ashla wasn't so moody well less moody than usual, Adia was as always a ball of sunshine, Luke new house is the floor. (y/n) stares at Luke seeing Ashla feet on his head, "There is only one person that hasnt said it to me". Hvitserk blurts out with Luke screams of pain when Ashla stands from her seating position. You glance at the little exchange not going to help Luke because Ashla's wrath cant be escape. Ashla takes a hold of Hvitserk's collar bringing him to her level, "Hmm. I told you first... remember that". Ashla proclaims almost growling. Adia and (y/n) wait patiently for the kiss that never seem to happen. Ashla hates a crowd she lets go off his collar not before Hvitserk place a hand behind her head bringing Ashla closer to finish what she started. It was sudden but sweet in a way (y/n) saw Ashla's brows relax and her face calm down just from one action. Hvitserk pulls back pecking her lips again, "You can't tease me like that".

"Who said I was teasing?". Ashla blurts out sharing another kiss with him. Adia throws them some fries to stop their make out session, "Wait till everyone leaves! I don't need to know where you two fuck".

"The bar in the other side that we don't use", Hvitserk respond letting go off Ashla satisfied to get what he wanted.

End of Flashback   

"I didn't need to know that", (Y/n) calls out shaking your head shivering at the sweet exchange. Adia glances at your surprise, "so he is pounding our door for that?".

"Maybe....". Adia takes a step from her chair trying to escape your questioning.

"We are not done. What else happen?", (y/n) firmly speaks not a minute later Adia returns with a spoon in hand eating her ice cream. 

"Chad kiss Jessica and went home with her. Ashla kick them out of the bar saying something on the lines off disowning them from the pack. Chad said Ashla can't do that, but she glare at him.. you know with her red eyes... it was a tense time. You follow up disowning Jessica too". Adia fills in the empty blanks that lead to the Beta's son being a total douch-bag, "He probably thinks he can talk to you knowing you forget sometimes", Adia adds gaining you glare back at the door.

"We both are Alpha... even though she says she can switch to a beta", (y/n) shakes her head at the current stupidity of her sister. 

"He is still outside. Ashla said to call her, and she'll rough him up a bit. Hvitserk suggested to call him. He offer to make it quick whatever that means", Adia blurts out locking eyes with you once more.

"He means to kill Chad. Did somebody told him what Chad has said?". (y/n) asks with Adia thinking about her response.

"I believe he knew. He just didn't knew it was about Ashla. I have never seen him so angry before". Adia shivers pointing to the door. You shrug the uneasy sensation placing the empty coffee cup in the sink with Adia putting Calamity's number on the homephone. (y/n) takes steps out the kitchen and towards the first headache of this morning. You didn't want to deal with the douch-bag that's your former boyfriend Chad Tim, Beta son to Jimmy Tim a good man despite his shitty son. (y/n) brings the door open seeing red headed Chad growling at your form. (y/n) stretched not even bother to feel threaten by Chad small attempt, "Why the hell are you here? Didn't Ashla disowned you? You don't belong or get help by the pack leave to your whores house already". (y/n) holds onto the door handle pushing the door back to closing hoping that's the end of that. You walk back into your apartment unaware that Chad stop the door from closing, "Don't you walk away from me!! Ashla is not my Alpha. You are". Chad growls an spits at you screaming louder than you thought possible. He runs towards (y/n).

"(Y/N)! Oh my god! Chad has gone mad!", Adia calls out to you screaming at the phone to someone that replied, "I am on my way". 

(y/n) turns left slowly watching Chad punch air. You felt like a feather feeling your Alpha senses flagging red when danger is about. (y/n) reach for his wrist pressing enough strength to catch a reaction. You bring one of your legs to his stomach hoping it had broken a bone or 3. A crack not sure if was yours or his as his other punch make contact with your cheeks. Adia scream wanting to help, but Chad looks at her growling to keep her quiet. Adia stops dead on track whimpering. (y/n) punches his gut one more time. You breath in air screaming when you pick Chad up throwing him outside your apartment. The pack members walk out of their apartments staring at gone mad Chad and their beaten Alpha, "I'll make you suffer for that Chad. You will plead for mercy that I'll never provide, you lowlife sack of shit. Come at me you little bitch. Are you going to fight me for your spot in the pack because last time I check Ashla disowned you. This is a pack of Alpha sisters. She did right at fucking kicking you ungrateful little shit!", (y/n) calls to him eyes turning a vivid color him growling at every word you said. Hearts beating and Adria thought just forgotten as you run to Chad with a goal in mind.

Make sure he regrets the day he was born.

[turntechcatnip]

Alright, so walking AND flying are non-negotiable. Which means you're pretty much trapped with what many people would consider the most controlling version of Dirk Strider (and that's saying something because we've got HAL) and that's worrying even if he IS trying to be better now, so umm… how you holding up, there? Need any help? *proceeds to send tons of cat toys to the apartment to satiate the boredom*

<View Mewssage History>

You check your phone, looking for the next message. And then the next. And the next. Your feet swing idly dozens of stories above the streets far below.

Okay fine. 

You’re going to actually do this.

You’ll start tackling these ones.

It was sort of inevitable anyway, especially with you droppin’ his presence into casual conversation like that

TC: im holdin up feline

TC: additional toys would be appureciated espurrecially if you can find a durable scratching post beclaws i can file down my nails but thats no fun if ya f33l me and like none of the others ive found short of just shredding boxes comes anywhere near scratchin the itch of a good ol fashioned cave wall or a tree and im starting to eye the concrete up here like damn

TC: bro never bothered to replace the TV or the xbox so like im criminally low on non internet based activikitties though i do wonder if my claws wouldnt get in the way them controllers are made fur human hands not troll and im purrty sure i have troll hands

TC: tho i gotta clear something up here

TC: i wouldnt say he was ever really controlling???

TC: not in a you better do shit this way or else im gonna micromanage everything you do way

TC: it was more a hes gonna do whatever he wants to do and you better deal way

TC: which to be fair isnt much better for a kid who doesnt really know any better or have any agency or ability to do shit his own way and younger me kinda took it as gospel and yeah i got shit to unpack that im kinda doing my best to ignore right now but

TC: pounce was kinda worse about that t33b33aych

TC: shed grab me by the flockin neck and drag me back inside the den by force if a curious kitten got too adventurous and ive b33n pinned and growled at fur bein reckless and yes threatened with t33th but it was her job 

TC: like i say he doesnt like me up here on the roof

TC: but does he stop me???

TC: no

TC: im turnin into a real life gargoyle and he does nuthin except make a passing comment about telescopes or helicopters the one time he was in the room as i headed up

TC: i could purrobably even leave if i wanted to go out walking tbh

TC: hed argue with me

TC: id likely drag the most words out of him in said argument than ive gotten in a w33k and purrobably the most f33lin out of him

TC: and if im being honest the semi-chaotic curious af kitten in me is tempted to actually pull that birdshit just to see what happawns

TC: but i sincerely believe he wouldnt stop me if i pushed back

TC: whether thats beclaws he doesnt care enough to stop me or beclaws were both avoiding the hell out of anyfang even remotely resembling confurtontation is up in the air though

TC: i dont plan on testin it beclaws i think hes right this time

TC: ...

Control huh.

TC: i dont know if bro ever wanted control of anything much less the life of another person

TC: the only thing he was remotely anal about was the training and...

TC: games done so thats a nonissue

TC: i havent s33n him draw his sword once since i got here

TC: not even when i managed to sneak up on him

In a twisted way you miss it. The training. And it isn’t something you like to think about. About how you’re pretty sure you loved him for it because that meant he’d pay attention to you you you.

Maybe some of that birdshit you spouted is the result of an internalized need to defend your brother. Maybe some of it is steeped in a cultural clash between parent and lusus. (Bro might be a shit parent but part of you wonders if he should have been a lusus instead.) Maybe some of it is just what you desperately want to believe, and you aren’t a thirteen year old anymore. You’ve died too many times. You’ve watched him die in front of you and you--

You didn’t--couldn’t think about him before. About that choice you made about the One Thing you could fix, and questions, so many questions that ate the hell out of you for three long years, kindling to your fires of self loathing.

Questions you could ask now, but don’t. And maybe that’s okay for now. You have time.

Time.

Stolen time. Locked away here in this world-that-should-be-dead.

Time.

For the longest time, you didn’t think he cared about you at all. You have some evidence to the contrary now, and that’s more than you’d ever expected to get considering in every glimpse you’d seen of that moment you always chose to leave him dead. Because it was your job.

...and yet here you both are. After.

Playing cluckbeast. Seeing how far you can push until one or both of you chicken out and dance away.

[fuck-customers]

This one is long as fuck and kinda boring

Had a woman come in demanding a refund for a shoe that visibly got damaged because if wasnt the correct size for her (her feet were moving around inside the shoe, which shredded the heel lining).

As company policy (and local law) dictates, we send it to a third party independent quality examiner, who determined whether the fault lies with the company or the customer. As expected, the examination came back negative, meaning we were not at fault and do not have to give a refund, however the company does fix shoes for free with a really great shoemaker within 2 years of purchase.

The customer loses her shit at the result of the examination, writes multiple pissy emails to the store (saying shit like "lol" and "surprise surprise" in what is essentially a business email - yes, in english. No i do not live and work in an english speaking country), calling us to say the exact same things, telling us that the examination was "a joke" and that we "obviously pay off the examiner". She also says we accused her of deliberately damaging her shoes, which we did not. The examination report does say the damage was caused by "outside force" but in context it's obvious that that simply means the fault did not lie in the material itself, but rather the incorrect use.

We end up sending her shoes to be fixed, and the shoemaker ends up putting a leather panel at the heel part because that wont be worn out as easily as fabric would, and it's also thicker, thus helps with the size problem a bit. The leather piece is not visible from the outside, and even when you look at it, it just looks like it was made like that in the factory.

Customer comes to pick up her shoes, for which we need to ask for her copy of a form we fill out when we take the quality complaint. She literally throws it at me over the counter. I very leisurely read the info on it, get her shoes from the back, compare the form with the docket in the box of the shoes, etc. I show her the finished product, ask her if its alright (as is company procedure).

She flips her shit completely, saying it looks disgusting (it objectively did not), how she wants a refund right away, how she cant wear this lile that, what will people think of her, how we are disgusting thieves for doing this to her. I tell her i can take her shoes to be fixed differently (still for free), but she will have to tell me exactly what to write on the form on how she wants it to look, because thats what the shoemaker will follow. She keeps ranting in incomplete sentences that dont make any sense, contradict themselves, and just generally not being helpful at all. I wait for her to finish, then i ask her, with no patience left whatsoever, to tell me word for word what to write. "Make it aesthetically pleasing. Write that. Thats it." Im like..............maam. Obviously the shoemaker thought this looks fine, as he gave it to us as finished. Hell, I think it looks absolutely fine. You're gonna have to be more specific.

She looks at me and goes "WHAT DONT YOU UNDERSTAND, ARE YOU STUPID?"

Now. This might be an everyday happening in america, but in europe, you dont talk like that to cashiers. Not ever, because we're not quite that far in late capitalism, and the employees are very much allowed to ask for respect. I put down my pen, and tell her that if she doesnt start watching her tone and talking to me like a human being instead of a piece of dirt on her shoe, i will deny her service, and she can come back another day to talk to another person. She looks me in the eye and says "I TALK TO YOU THE WAY YOU DESERVE." So i give her her copy of the new form, and tell her we're done here, she can pick her shoes up when we send her an email, bye.

She storms out, only to come back 5 minutes later to ask for an official complaint form. We have a pen attached to it, but it hasnt been used in so long that it dried up, which she decides to let me know about by throwing the pen at me and demanding a new one. She fills out the form absolutely incomprehensibly, i couldnt read a word, and she also yells at another customer not to shop here, because we're thieves and scammers, then leaves again.

The next day we get an email from the lady who runs the company in the country, forwarding an email from the same customer that she sent to the customer service email, making up lies about how we treated her, how we lied to her, how we ruined her shoes. Our manager writes her back to come into the store to get a refund to "clear any confusions". When she comes in, our manager told her in no uncertain terms, that the only reason she's getting the refund is so she will stop harassing us and to never ever expect this to happen again. That her behavior is not tolerated in our store, and she is not welcome here.

Shitty story but at least the manager didnt let her believe she won.

[gymleaderroark]

idk if its been said before but i genuinely cant stand when people try to argue that archie was trying to do shit for the good of humanity. ive seen him portrayed that way and its like? what would give u that idea? absolutely nothing in either rse or oras ever suggests he wanted that lmao... he cares about the wellbeing of water pokemon immensely and that is his canonical driving force, he doesnt give a shit whether the damage from kyogre kills the entirety of humanity and he explicitly states it AND its his endgame anyway since he says that humanity are essentially ruining the world for pokemon. hes not heartless by any means and he loves his team to bits!! BUT he has a huge dream and he views the general public as an obstacle to it. hes a loveable character and really charismatic (moreso in oras id argue) who is super multilayered but his driving force has nothing to do with liking people at all lmao, even if it would be fitting to his personality to think that. i feel like it undermines his entire character to think that its the case? it may be the case for the grunts but if anything theyre mainly just ocean enthusiasts and jolly dumbasses who enjoy the kinship of team aqua and if anything i doubt they wouldve been told the deeper layer of the plan as even shelly tried to advise archie against going ahead with it after doing her research at the weather institute. she also says (oras)"cant you see that the world you dream of and the world that kyogre will create are two completely different places?!" to archie showing that he absolutely has not been honest to even her about his actual intentions, and they have a friendship that goes back yeeears. he's only told her the superficial truth of his plan not the bit thats like weelll-i-also-kinda-wanna-kill-everyone lmao.. BUT LIKE THIS ENTIRE THING brings on the question of WHY DOES HE SUDDENLY CHANGE HIS MIND SO QUICKLY WHEN IT COMES TO IT??? it makes absolutely no sense going along with his meticulous work to ensure his plan works and that nobody gets in the way of it AND on top of that he manages to pull it off (in sapphire/alpha sapphire canon). one minute hes basking in the glory of wahoo i did it boys and then the next hes begging to protag to fix everything?? i really doubt its because he suddenly realised people are actually worth saving cause that makes absolutely no sense. generations does a brilliant job in visually showing how destructive kyogre truly is for both people AND pokemon. i have 0 doubt that he realised as hoenn and its pokemon were being fucking ripped to shreds by kyogre that hed made a huge mistake. but not only this, im pretty sure he wouldve felt guilty as hell seeing how panicked his his admins and team were and wouldve felt guilty as all hell for lying to them and also manipulating them to help him achieve his dream. i think thats why when hes saying (oras) "save us... the world... and kyogre" to the protag hes truly referring to himself and his team (potentially the protag) when he says 'us', 'the world' being pokemon and the nature they live in and kyogre as in save it from its primal reverted state. SO YEA i absolutely refuse to believe he was ever doing it for humans, even after he changes his mind!! TLDR: archie never liked people and didnt even in the aftermath of kyogre stop portraying him like that i BEG

[hogwarts--imagines]

You Could Be Happy

GIF NOT MINE

Tony X Reader

Warning: angst. ENDGAME KINDA SPOILERS.

Summary: I needed to write this so you guys can cry too. Tony angst.

A/n: I know I have a fic with Gabe out with the same title, no where near as close. Listen to the song I added. It’s important. Get some tissues.

You Could Be Happy - Snow Patrol

____

You could be happy,

And I won't know

But you weren't happy,

The day I watched you go

Tony watched as she grabbed the last bag, tears stained on her cheeks. Her silent sobs shut him down, tearing his heart into shreds.

She had enough of his outbursts. Enough of the fighting with him, the other Avengers, everything. He was Tony Stark, so why couldn’t he stop the love of his life from leaving?

Because she needed a mental break. She needed to be away from him. She would be safer that way. Less heartache once enough time had passed. She wasn’t an Avenger. She wasn’t part of shield.

She was an author. A wonderful one of She we’re to publish the rest of her series. Her one book made it to the world, but the rest sat, in a chest under their bed. Tony wanted her to publish them, but the constant anxiety she got from the thought of doing so, prevented that.

Tony read them every day after she left. Either forgetting they were there, or she didn’t care. She needed to be far away from him, but he missed her. He was going to find her and give them back, but he respected her space.

Pepper checked up on her weekly, with Tony’s order, not to give him her location. As much as he wanted it. Mrs. Potts understood that. But she desperately wanted them to work it out. Knowing things he didn’t. But she respected their privacy and respected that she didn’t want Tony to know anything about her other than she was okay.

Peter came to the compound every day, mostly to make sure Tony was okay, not that he would tell his father mentor that. Mr. Stark was slowly getting better, he finally stopped making more suits, and focused on help Peter with his experiments and his homework, knowing full well the kid didn’t need help.

Tony knew what the kid was doing and didn’t want the kid to feel obligated to. Telling the kid he didn’t have to spend time with him and that he could enjoy time with his friends didn’t work.

“I’m not going anywhere, so you can either sit here and spend time with me or you could sulk I’m your lab.” The kid sounded like him and it made Tony’s heart warm up. “You know you can talk to me right?”

“Thank you kid” Tony smiled softly, fixing his jacket that hung loosely on him.

And all the things that I wished I had not said

Are played on lips till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were?

But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

Her perfect eyes were glistening with tears as she set her bags down by the elevator. Happy on his way up to grab them.

“You don’t have to do this” Tony whispered, holding onto a small box on his jacket pocket.

“Don’t you dare act like I wanted this Stark” his last name sounded like venom. She felt her head spin a little and slammed her hand on the elevator button.

The fight was the last straw, his veins nearly popped out of him. The screaming match they had was ugly. Happy rushed Peter out of to compound. He didn’t need to see this. Their arguments were typically in their bedroom, hidden from everyone. There usually wasn’t yelling.

It started out to be a small fight that escalated into something bigger. Their words were like stabs in the chest. Everything that was said wasn’t meant.

The regret the both of them felt that night killed them. Neither wanted to say a word to the other, but they didn’t want to be alone. So that laid there, backs to the other and cried so quietly.

“You think I wanted this?” She had asked in the very beginning . Tony had planned to renovate the compound so they could finally live in a “home”. She wanted off the compound and in a nice home away from NYC, the civil war that broke out destroyed them.

She wanted her friends back, she wanted them to work it out. But Tony was to stubborn, and Steve was MIA and was also stubborn.

“You think I did?” Tony’s voice cracked. He was showing her is ideas, saying that they won’t need to bring the team there, it could be their forever home.

“Tony” she started to talk calmly.

“No don’t Tony me.” He snapped “I’m trying to make this work for us. Better this for us. So we can hopefully one day get married. If you even want that.”

“Why wouldn’t I? You think it’s easy for me? To pretend like I don’t know the people that I spent so long with? The ones who became our family?” She snapped back, biting her cheek to try and keep her cool.

“You always think the worst. You don’t even begin to know what I’ve gone through. I lost my best friends. I lost part of my family and you think I want to just pretend like I don’t know them?” Tony walked towards her, eyes glued to hers in their heated argument.

“You are impossible!” She yelled at him, her heart was racing. It was never a good sign for her when her heart rate was elevated. FRIDAY spoke in Tony’s ear warning him. But he was to frustrated to hear it.

“You are just controlling!” He yelled back, the veins were standing out “THE MINUTE SOMETHING DOESNT GO YOUR WAY YOU FLIP. YOU JUST CANT STAND THE IDEA OF ME WANTING TO CHANGE THINGS FOR THE BETTER! YOURE DRAGGING ME DOWN.”

“Okay.” She took a deep breath. Closing her eyes, she tilted her head back and let out the air in her chest. “I’m done”

Most of what I remember makes me sure

I should have stopped you from walking out the door

Tony had regretted his words instantly. Before he could say another word, she was out of the room. Happy came in a moment later. The man had to pull Tony into a hug as he cried uncontrollably.

“She’s gone” Tony cried into his friends arms. “I should’ve.. I..”

“She’s safe” Happy pushed Tony back a bit and looked at him, “I have her location if you want to go after her.”

“No, she needs time, from me” Tony kicked the floor. “I was so ready to just move on from everything and I didn’t consider that she needed more time.”

“It’s not just your fault. You guys both didn’t consider the others feelings, you didn’t think about the others feelings before you spoke.” Happy added truthfully. Had it been anyone aside from Rhodes, he would have gotten mad. But he didn’t he listened to Happys words and took them in.

You could be happy; I hope you are

You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you

And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Two years since she last saw him. His image was stuck in her head. Dreams of their lives together haunted her. He was still the love of her life. Wishing she could hold him once again.

She saw the news. Saw that The alien space craft was in NYC. She wasn’t far, but far enough that she wouldn’t be in harms way. Her windows shook though, screams could be heard in the distance.

She called him. Wanted to hear his voice. He answered right as she saw the spaceship go into the sky.

“Tony” she called when he finally spoke. “Please tell me you’re not on that thing”

“I’m not on that thing” he repeated her words sarcastically, but he was relieved to hear her voice.

“You are you son of a bitch!” She tried not to cry “Don’t go”

“Sweetie, I’m sorry, I had to. The kid was up here and they have an important wizard.” Tony tried to talk more but she yelled

“The kid is there too?!” She cried out “Please, come back as soon as you can” she held her stomach, her body ached.

“We gotta get you somewhere safe!l Happy’s voice boomed from her front door.

“You’re in good hands now honey. In case I don’t make it back” the call started breaking “I love you”

“I love you too”

Do the things that you always wanted to

Without me there to hold you back; don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you go

Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

Steve came by, tracking her down telling her that Thanos dusted the universe. Her heart dropped. Nobody knew if Tony was or not.

She grabbed Happy’s arm. A small toddler ran up to her from behind, holding onto her leg.

“You have a kid” Nat Finally broke the awkward silence.

She nodded, the small girl looked to be two. Her big brown eyes and dark brown hair, answered all of the questions begging to rise.

Rhody walked towards her, “I found this in his room. And this in his garage”

The box was a little large, with a stack of books on top. They her her books. Tony turned them into actual books. He had everything set up for her to publish.

The box, oh that box. Her hands shook so much she couldn’t open it.

“Happy, could you please?” She knelt down on the ground. Little girl in her arms as she tried to keep herself together.

Rhody opened the box with Happy, pulling out a helmet, and Dum-E, who was clutching to a bracelet.

“That bastard” the two men knew what was up.

“He didn’t” She gasped, Tony still found ways really get to her.

She cried, mixed emotions running through her. A picture of him and her fell from inside one of the books, a short letter on the back.

“Take chances, Change the world. For our little one.” - TS

Part 2????

[samuel-is-an-idiot]

Tomorrow I'm going to a doctor appointment. This is my first doctor appointment that isnt to renew my allergy and pain relievers prescriptions in a few years. I mean I've gone a few times for colds because immuno-deficiency (and I had physical therapy once a week for 7 years and 'normal' therapy for 3 but that didnt count like this does) but this, this is big. This is the big scary monster I've tried to keep in my closet since I was 14 and stopped seeing doctors that every 2 or so weeks try to answer the million dollar question: "What the fuck is wrong with Sam" it's been 4 years since I stopped asking for help about specific things that are wrong and remain wrong because I HATE this. I despise this because I was suffering for years, I still am, I had (and still have) nights where I woke up screaming in pain as I felt like my nerves were being torn out of my limbs and doctors couldnt find anything and some even told me I was lying. That the pain I was feeling was impossible.

I hate this, yet here I am going back. Tomorrow 10 AM I'm opening the fucking closet and letting the monster out because I cant do this anymore. 3 years ago one of my 'weekly' doctors told me that I should get checked out for CFS, I was 15. I had just gotten out of seeing Doctors, the ones that pick and probe and test and either look at you like you're a fucking mystery, a liar or some kind of circus freak, either look at you with absolute pity because they don't know and they know you're hoping that someone has an answer for your parents and you've been spending your school time and your free time in waiting rooms and RMIs. I know she (the doctor that told me to get check for CFS) talked to my mom or something but the timing was bad. Really REALLY bad as Covid hit and my mom was a hospital worker. So she must have forgotten. But I didnt remind her and I didnt see that doctor again after lockdown. I just tucked it as far and as deep as I could into my brain so that I could live a normal life AWAY from hospitals.

I fucked up. I was a 15 years old who hzd been mistreated by years and years of doctors and bullying and I ignored the one thing that is now affecting my life to the point where I dont believe I can actually do the job I want to do anymore. I fall asleep standing up if I sleep less than 7 hours a night, 8 hours is barely enough to keep me going through the day and 9 or 10 seem to be the right number but even then if I do "too many" activities I just might as well have not slept in fucking weeks. So when I dont have an alarm in the morning I sleep for longer even if its later in the night, because OF COURSE this bullshit doesnt affect the fact that i have insomnia... I could spend Hours talking about all the ways my exhaustion fucks me up but it would just fuck me up more and its making me fucking sick. Everything exhausts me and nothing allows me to rest anymore.

And still. I dont regret waiting for 3 years for help. I dont want or have regrets for those 3 years because the past is the past and all that and honestly those years were bad. But I met some amazing people and I did some good things and helped a few friends and thats good for me. I honestly dont know how much different things could have been if I had been diagnosed or had been pulled back into the medical version of the Wheel of Misfortune or whatever. But now I'm going back. I'm going back because I cant take care of myself on my own anymore and I need help. I've always needed help but now more than ever.

So I'm openning the closet tomorrow at 10AM and either that monster will help me either I'll be torn to shreds... again. Nothing I cant fix again and there's always the chance it will actually help me for once...

TLDR: local young adult about to face off with teenage years bully in a match for a diagnosis and medical assistance!

[actualbird]

so a rather odd trope i ran into several times in previous fandoms is a fic where character gets magically turned into a dog and the only way they can turn back human is if they learn to love/trust others or love/trust themselves. now on that note i propose a concept: fic where jeremy gets turned into a dog 

now hear me out. 

post-squip or no squip, either works so long as 1) the gang is all friends 2) things are generally going well in the grand scheme of things and 3) jeremy’s self-esteem and generally his outlook on himself is still absolute shit. 

theres a lot of ways to spin Jeremy’s Terrible Self Esteem. if it’s post-squip, he’s better and things are better but he still harbors so much guilt inside of him. he still resents himself for so many things he did. if it’s no-squip, theres that realistic subtle tragedy of being surrounded by people who love you but never actually believing it. jeremy’s brain can convince him of the wildest, saddest shit, like for example: people dont actually like him and/or want him around and theyre just being nice. all aboard anxiety nightmare train choo choo.

anyway, jeremy gets turned into a dog. how isnt really important (okay i guess it IS but i cant really figure it out yet. magic curse? a witch? a really, really weird side effect of having had a squip? WHO KNOWS. HE’S A DOG NOW) what is important is that jeremy wakes up on a sidewalk where he passed out and for some reason his line of sight is way lower, he cant see the difference between all three lights on the stoplight, and when he tries to say “what the fuck” what comes out instead is a garbled bark. 

jeremy is now a dog and thats not fucking normal at all.

he freaks out. he totally freaks out. he catches his very much not human very much canine reflection at a storefront and he runs, panicked and scared and freaking out. he tries to go home. he claws at the front door and barks up a storm and when he sees his dad through the window and jeremy is so relieved until his dad just shoos him away and he remembers that his dad is deathly allergic to dogs.

jeremy tries to say “i’m jeremy!” but all that comes out is a pitiful whine. his dad looks sad for a moment before drawing the curtains and leaving jeremy alone on the porch.

terrified and alone, jeremy finds himself at michael’s house because thats always where he ends up when he doesnt know what the hell to do next. michael (and michael’s family) is not allergic to dogs and michael basically “adopts” jeremy. as a dog. because no matter what jeremy does, he cant communicate to michael that hes his best friend and not just man’s best friend. michael just thinks jeremy is a really noisy and anxious dog. michael loves him. michael names him something dumb and pointedly not jeremy. maybe one of the pacman ghosts. jeremy rolls his eyes. 

so heres where a bunch of shenannigans can happen because jeremy is a dog but he very obviously doesnt want to be one so hes….pretty shitty at being a dog. theres no way in hell hes eating dog food, hes so fucking clumsy because four legs, and maybe three days into his dog-existence he just gets so frustrated and ends up gnawing something to shreds. michael is kind and he loves dogs but jeremy can see the disappointment in his eyes sometimes. 

all dogs are good dogs unless theyre jeremy.

THIS WHOLE TROPE IS BASICALLY ONE VERY PAINFUL JOURNEY THROUGH SELF WORTH. jeremy has a crisis by the 4th day about how maybe hes more useful to people as a dog than as a human. jeremy thinks about his place in the universe. jeremy watches the world go on without him but—

but it doesnt really. because the entire time jeremy is a dog, jeremy the human is missing. and everybody is affected

now i told jenny @listentotheshityousay this concept and she started to mercilessly kill me with these words

this is such a prime opportunity for jeremy to finally find out what others think about him when he’s not there. the one time where somebody will say sth about him and he can’t think they’re lying they’re just trying to make me feel better they probably don’t like me that much anyway 

he hears jake’s voice through the phone. yeah we’re worried. he’s smarter than he gives himself credit for, he’ll be okay. if anybody tries anything with him I’d fucking break them. christine visits and hugs michael, worry brimming in her eyes. oh I miss him, I want him to come back safely. jeremy’s dad stops by, looking tired and worried. I don’t know what to do, he’s all I have left.

and then there’s michael, who curls around jeremy on the bed, stroking  jeremy’s belly. I bet he’d love to meet you. he’s always had a soft spot for animals. michael laughs, a warm, wobbly sound that makes the tiny heart in jeremy’s canine-ribs ache. I always teased him about being a furry. his fingers tighten in jeremy’s soft fur. I’d never tease him about it again if that would bring him back right now, he says, his voice cracking on the last word. even on my worst days, seeing him smile made me feel like everything was going to be okay. I don’t know if I’m gonna be okay without him.

michael tells jeremy everything about the jeremy heere he’s grown up with for twelve years. about his kindness, his wicked smiles, his competitive nature revealing itself during their gaming sessions. a jeremy heere that jeremy himself has never seen and only sees now, through the lens of michael’s stories, and the realization of how much michael loves him, how loved jeremy is, it’s too big to fit into his chest.

AND

“I shouldve told him I loved him,” michael whispers, burying his face aginst jeremy’s side to hide his tears. “I wish I’d told him that he could always come back to me.” 

I’m here, jeremy wants to say. I came back to you. I always come back to you. he wants to scream and instead whimpers, nosing against michael’s shaking shoulder. I want to come back to you, I want you to tell me, I want to, I want to, please

when they start looking for jeremy, jeremy cant help but feel little bitter about it. even when hes missing, all hes doing is causing trouble and being an inconvenience. but then this painful scenario of feelings happens and jeremy starts to see how much people care but in the most painful way possible. it feels like being flayed open, watching people mourn him when hes right there. when that happens all he wants to do is go back. he needs to change back.he doesnt give a fuck about himself but for everybody else, he needs to come back but he doesnt know how to

michael breaks down and jeremy has to watch. it hurts jeremy so fucking much to see his best friend like this, to know that it’s his fault but he tries to help how he can in the form hes in. he doesnt leave michael alone when hes looking rough. he cuddles next to him (even though somehow that feels wrong, like hes taking advantage of the situation but for fuck’s sake hes a dog). jeremy is getting used to the feeling of shaking fingers threading through his fur. and it fucking kills him

i actually dont know how to fix this. eventually jeremy is gonna find a way to communicate to michael, maybe he knocks over a scrabble set. and then they work together to figure out how to change him back (and guess what it’s through the power of SELF LOVE) but uh yeah. 

so thats my oddly depressing concept where jeremy gets turned into a dog. thanks for reading

[sparkleyunicornllama-blog]

Good Morning 💜

*real talk alert*

Last night was horrible for me. I was really unwell. I was in severe pain with my stomache and felt extremely sick. I was very dizzy and really lethargic at work yesterday too. It was 20°c (to british people thats like lets get naked hot) I wore layers of clothes and a big coat and shivered all day with my hands turning blue. My muscles hurt and are just cramping up with almost every movement. And no surprises but the bruises up the backs of my legs have gotten worse.

So this morning my mum had a good chat with me. She told me how ill I have started to look and that she knows I am struggling, but today as traumatic as it will be for me As I struggle through my relapse and these intense negative thoughts I have to refuel. I have to rest. In my previous relapses this has worked and its been able to break through my behaviours until my eating becomes something that resembles “normal” I have never been in any kind of formal treatment despite being hospitalised briefly a year ago when my organs were failing. So all I have ever done is focus on changing eating patterns and never actually fixing anything that goes on inside my head.

I have to try and avoid my anorexic behaviours even if I just get through today and I struggle on and I cant keep up with this. It is something to keep me going until I do start outpatient treatment next week.

I really wish things were different amd I could love normally and it would be amazing. But my whole world has begun to revolve around being skinny. Again. For a while I convinced myself that the excessive exercise I was doing was healthy. That only having certain foods was just healthy. Until this past week I was was eating relatively nothing apart from the 5 safe foods I had left. Just bland. Low calorie low fat with hardely protein. A couple of weeks back I started to loose progress at the gym. What I could lift easily dropped by 30kilo to something I struggled to get even through 1 set. And I still I continued. I only ate using a specific tiny spoon. I would only eat of a bowl that fit in my hand or a child sized plate. I told my self it was just something I liked to do. Because eating disorders, are deceitful and manipulative. For me its control, fear, guilt and anxiety and the need to feel some sense of achievement. Every person is different and everyones eating disorder is fuelled by different things as well as manifesting in different ways.

Its doesn’t fit a generic stereotype, and so there isn’t a single treatment plan that works for everyone.

I hear it all the time.. people trying to educate me on whats healthy and whats not on intakes and metabolism and whats good for you. Why treats are ok. I don’t want to be rude but honestly I know pretty much all of it. Through the almost 7 years now I have struggled with eating disorders and tried to recover on my own I have spent days educating my self on nutrition amd exercise. Vitamins and minerals. Macros and gains. Muscle building and shredding. I mean a few weeks ago I started to realise I was struggling and I had an appointment with a GP, I explained everything that was going through my head for him to say… “oh just eat 3 meals a day” … 🤔 but… what… would you tell a schitzophrenic to stop hearing voices? But according to my eating eating disorder non of that infomation is correct. Irrational right? I know my self as well as all of the scientists and people who develop and work with all these different programs know that it is true.

I know the effects it is having on my body and I know my nails are brittle and my hair is falling out. And I know it will only get worse. But for some of us, it is isn’t enough to give us the encouragement that we need to recover.

I dont want to loose my job, I honestly love it as challanging and demanding asnit is. The people I care for inspire me to keep going. Their happiness gives me happiness.

Theres things I do want to achieve in life, i want to own my home, excel in my job, travel to Japan and the world I want to get back into drawing and go to conventions.

As well as all of that I want to enjoy the little things again, Trying something that looks tasty just because, going for trips or to meals with my family amd friends. Getting a take away on my way home from work just because I fancied it. Go to a food festival actually eat the Japanese snacks I buy from conventions. Experiment with recipies. Bake with my mum and cook for my grandparents. Have a movie night with snacks or pop corn at the cinema. Eat drunk pizza toast after a night out. Just drink a cup of english breakfast tea. Maybe even be super British and dunk a biscuit in there. I want to run and enjoy it like I used to. Be proud of my gains or just accept my self. To look in the mirror without tearing my self apart. I want energy and the ability to conventrate.

We need time to process things. To overcome what it is that triggered things. How to deal with things we can’t fix. But most importantly. We need that time to love ourselves and accept ourselves. Because what size you are or your weight does not define you. At all. I don’t judge other people on those things. It doesnt change their kindness or their talents or their sense of humour or who loves them.

Eating is good for you. Exercise is good for you. But when it starts to consume your every thought or it starts to isolate you from your friends and it makes you ashamed or feel guilty. It is a problem, and you always deserve help no matter what your weight what you eat. If you feel you need to reach out you do it.

Moderation is a wonderful thing. You should enjoy the foods you love while they give you the energy to do the things your passionate about. To experience your life in the possitive way possible.

I actually started this blog as a way to keep my self motivated and focused on the possitive things. I don’t want to sit here and pretend my life is great. Because theres to much of that bullshit on social media. This is all so negative.

I’M SORRY!

Today! Bed rest for me! On my mums orders this wonderful food. I adored giant crumpets and its been years.. with salted butter of course. And a bowl of alra skyr high protein yogurt passion fruit flavour, maxi shredded wheat granola, urban fruit coconut chips, mango, apple, pomegranate and some strawbs.

Pretty much all fear foods at the minute. Terrifying, delicious but nutritious foods. In a normal adult sized bowl. The horror. But fuck eating disorders and their negativity I will enjoy day of gaming and watching films and hopefully sketching and napping. While my body does some repairing.

Body shops vanilla chai body lotion and the delicious vanilla almond Forest friends candle. The little things 👌

All of you fighting. All of you who have won. And all of you struggling. Your amazing, beautiful and deserve happiness.

You always deserve to recover in your own way at your own pace.

Stay strong and stay safe.

💜💚

I just needed to say somethings. If you read this far . Sorry I bored you to death and thank you!

[traumabrained]

Tw for abuse So my parents abuse me, mostly physical from my mother, mostly verbal from my father. I've always coped with the abuse by acting calm and taking it, hiding, or attempting to descalate it and hoping I don't piss them off further. But recently I've started to act out with anger. Not just with them, with my little sister who yells as much as my father, and with animals. Not the ones I own, though. I'm afraid. What's happening to me? I shouldn't be angry. Being angry gets you killed.

while its certainly frightening, its also (as far as i can tell, with my own experiences and the experiences of others i’ve talked to) a normal response. essentially, either your brain thinks it’s safer and is deciding to start processing trauma (which doesn’t seem likely), or else you and your brain are both fed up. there’s really always a limit to how much someone can take, and it looks like you’ve reached that limit. since that can get you in trouble and also cause collateral damage (to the animals, or to your little sister, though “collateral damage” doesnt include self defense), i’m going to give you a few tips that might help you deal with the anger in a way that won’t make your parents abuse even worse.

 (please note that since i dont know your exact situation, some or all of these might not be feasible; if that’s the case, you can message me again with more details if you want? and i’ll look for some different things)

exercise: i know this sounds like everyone’s irritating neurotypical relative but i promise you that if you can do it, it will help. exercise:

  decreases stress and anger

 helps you feel in control (even if you’re not. but it gives you hope, which is very valuable in abusive situations, right?) and 

prepares you for physical attacks, if they get so bad that your options are fight back, run, or die.

im going to assume that you don’t have equipment that you can use, but if you do, use it. if not:

running--can be done anywhere, and it costs no money. if you think you will need to hide it from your parents, then go out very early in the morning, if possible (or late at night, but the morning is usually a lot safer, and no-one will be paying attention to you. literally anyone you pass will be pre-ocupied with going to work or school, and they will usually be too tired to even look up from their coffee). also try to use a specific pair of clothes--t-shirt, shorts if you have them, one sports bra if you use those, to minimize the amount of sweaty clothes you’ll be putting in the wash. during exercise is a good time to maybe think about your abusers--let yourself get mad. let yourself get pissed, if you can, and use the anger to run even harder. i did this a lot when i still lived with my parents, and it probably saved my life.

weights--you can often buy them pretty cheap on amazon or in a store, but if your parents are monitoring your purchases then you can use gallon jugs of water/milk (if they dont buy galons of water/milk then u can buy 1 gallon of water for around 1USD in most stores, which would be easier to hide and explain than any purchase of exercise equipment). fill the gallons with water, and lift them--you can google “dumbbell exercises” for some exercise routines. do this in the early morning if possible.

push-ups/sit-ups--these are probably the least satisfying to do, at least for me? but also the easiest if you aren’t able to get outside early morning, or if you’re absolutely not going to be able to buy any kind of weights. if you can’t do a full push-up, try working up to it by putting your weight on your knees, instead of your toes.

i recommend that you look into proper technique before you do any of these--im just trying to give you ideas.

if exercise isn’t feasible for any reason, then art is the next way to go. a lot of trauma survivors (especially child abuse survivors) write poetry. visual art is also a good outlet but i’ve found that it’s usually a bit less cathartic. if your parents go through your things regularly, then either make a new tumblr account and tell nobody about it, and write your stuff there, or (if tumblr isnt safe) write only on single sheets of printer/notebook paper and burn or shred them immediately after you’re done. 

if you think you’re not a good enough writer to do this, then listen: you’re not writing this for it to be good. you’re not. it doesn’t matter at all. no-one else will ever read it. you don’t even have to read it again. it doesnt have to look or sound good. the only objective is to process your trauma and anger. the plus side is that no matter what, you will improve your writing by doing this, so if you are interested in being a poet, or already are, then writing trauma poetry will only help you. i recommend poetry instead of prose (prose is anything that isn’t poetry) because you don’t have to worry about structure, or about it making sense/having a plot. it can be really hard at first, especially if you don’t usually write a lot. if you need to, you can try using these prompts (they probably arent all applicable but if you can finish any of these sentences in your head, then you can write a poem about it) (possible trigger warning, skip the bullet points if you need to)(i’m just going to use “they” because any gender of person could do this and i don’t want to make assumptions but you can swap out the pronouns if necessary)

they wouldn’t stop ...

i don’t feel safe ...

they hit me when ...

i feel like i stopped existing at [age]...

i don’t want to be here ...

when you are writing, let yourself get mad, if possible. nothing you write will have any consequences if you burn the page, right? nothing is out of bounds. write anything and everything. write about how they’ll burn in hell. about how you hope they get murdered gruesomely. about how you’ll rip them into pieces the next time they touch you. anything. if you can’t summon anger, that’s okay. you can also write about how you feel like you’re rotting. you can write about how you miss when they were good to you. or how they were never good to you, but you miss it anyway. about how when you get out, you’ll have a nice apartment with someone you love (platonically or romantically, it doesnt matter), and maybe a pet, and how you’ll go to the bakery down the street sometimes and get croissants and sit in the sun and how it will be okay. how you’ll never have to see them again. how safe you’ll be. how happy you’ll be.

any of that will be cathartic, i promise you. i started writing poetry at the age of 12, and all of it was about my abuse. it was bad--i went back and read it a few months ago, and i’ve improved a hell of a lot since then. i’ve worked through a lot of my trauma, partially with a therapist, but mostly with my writing. it’s easier than therapy for me, because no-one else can see me while i do it. it’s easier to break down every part of the abuse, to analyze it. and after writing a poem, i always feel drained, like i just lanced an infection or something. i dont know. but writing works. i promise.

therapy is the last thing thing on my list here because its very inaccessable to a lot of people. minors, anyone without insurance, or anyone in a rural area is going to have a hell of a time getting therapy, you know? so that’s why its last. if you have a good therapist, it’ll probably be the most helpful of all of these, but even that is a hit and miss (i’ve seen at least a dozen therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, and mixtures of both, and i always seem to get the people who don’t believe me, who think that yelling at me will fix problems, who report everything to my parents. but not everyone’s like that--i just have some incredibly shit luck).

if you can get a therapist, do. they can help immensely. if you can’t, then try the other things until you can get to a position where therapy is accessable for you.

i hope this helped, im sorry its so long? and im sorry it took like a week gah

[fuck-customers]

Why?!!!!

Works at a Print Shop and recently had my coworkers mention a customer trying to get a portfolio made almost for free. Thing is, we are a BASIC print shop, we go through basic training for large format prints and booklets. There was never an option of us making a portfolio from scratch. 

They told me that she wanted words, photo organization and high quality prints to be put together. We have no idea how to do that, again we are basic. 

So I'm on my shift and this lady customer comes in and asks to get double sided prints on 30lb gloss paper. Reasonable but our main printer was being fixed. I tell the customer it's being fixed and to come back later and tell her we don't have the type of paper she needs but we have something lighter. 

I thought it was going to be a smooth interaction until she wanted to see what an example on the paper we have.  Since I can't use the main printer I have to use the self service printers that freakishly slow. 

After printing out an example for her, she says "that doesn't look good" I admit I should had checked the image before I printed. The image was low quality af. Like 120kb rez low quality. I inform the customer that it was the image that makes it look bad, it wasn't meant to be full page. The customer then says that its THE PAPERS FAULT that it LOOKS BAD. 

I'm confused.  The men working on the printer looked confused.  How does she not know that it's the image and not the paper? I tell get again about the image and she says it's the paper again.  Then asks if she brought her own paper then it will come out better. Im like... what are you talking about? She then goes to get her paper. 

Comes back, we printer and Looorrdd, I don't know what to say but I finally realized that it's the customer my coworkers warned me about and told me to make sure to tell her no when she came in next time. And! That her images look like sht! Like it was garbage. She was doing this for her PHOTOGRAPHY PORTFOLIO that wants to submit to a university to get in. And her images look like garbage! Blurry af, out of focus  no focus and 3 of them had her shadow in them.

I get it if it was a theme. But shes this next, "oh no this looks bad, my photos look great on the camera, why does it look so bad? Can you make this a better like professional quality?" What???? And then she has the nerve to ask for a price cut because of how low quality it is. 

No. 

Legit told her no. Cant make her garbage images better when they look like garbage in the first place. 

She leaves. But before she does, she talks to my manager who was putting up displays. I dont know what happened but she leaves.

And then about 10minutes later...she COMES BACK. Nooo jeeze, lady I can't help you! The printer guys are like, "have fun,see you Wednesday" and leaves. Like whhhy?! Why the heck did she come back?

She wants to print. 

.....ok. We get them printed, both sides, her paper and a white border. 

Its 1.42 per page, she had 11, that's $15.62 without tax. 

I told her the price of the pages at the start of our interaction. She took out 1 to be "shredded" (btch no one wants your garbage photo) so it turns out to be $14.20 and she was buying something else so about $14.34. 

She had the nerve to raise her voice at me. "Ma'am you told me it was 1.42 per page, I only got 11!" Btch what?! I blink and stared at her cuz I'm confused at she thinks that it doesnt add up (I mean it didn't cuz she forgot she took out 1) So I go and get my trusty calculator and tell her about the $15.62 but she took off 1 so it brought it down, if she wants to pay for the whole thing she can. 

The roll of her eyes going to the back of her head and the instant defeat and collapse of her "ready to fight" body, was glorious. 

She said she'll just pay it. Almost done with her and looord her per paid card didnt cover the whole thing so she had to pay $2.13 out of pocket. 

Then she left.

And then she came back!!! Why?! She was looking for her flash drive, I swore I gave it back her and reminded her if she had it before she left, she said she had it. But she was also over by the cutter and no flash drive there. She finally left for good cuz I think she remembered where she put it at when she was checking out. 

Ughh. Also it turned out that my manager heard her raise her voice at me and was about to come to rescue until he heard how smooth i shut this btch down. Like dang lady, dont get mad at people because you suck at doing math calculations. Instead of staring people down like they're beneath you, double check on your dam budget.