#who is the smartest cookie

[the-jade-reaper]

ATTENTION ALL COOKIE RUNNERS.

now that i got your attention i have something of great importance of you. some friends and i were high /j and had a heated convo about who is the smartest cookie. and we decided on these 3 and here is the explanations for each of them

we all agreed that crossiant is the smartest as she is in a league of her own. She can basically hold the multiverse together and knows a lot about it and stuff. there is also the part where she is timekeeper cookie and knowing she is one of the most powerful cookies, yea she gets top spot no question

longan dragon is basically the oldest cookie out of all of them and probably watches over everything and everyone for all of time. saying they have the biggest knowledge out of anyone in the cookie run verse. but they get the sliver for only knowing and not using it. croissant knows about the multiverse and uses it to save it and not hoard it making her clever

dark enchantress has both a lot of knowledge and is probably one of if not the only one who knows of the real truth. this also works with her cleverness of being the big bad of crk this means that she is one of the smartest and clever out of the bunch, longan beats her in amounts of knowledge and crossiant beats them out of knowledge of the universe and overall cleverness .

i am open to suggestions and more about the lore anywho thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[axolozzy]

i NEED to draw louie more like i used to draw louie ALLL THE FUCKING TIME and the last time i actually drew them fully colored was in fucking JULY. WHAT????? impossible :( i’m so fucking sorry louie holy shit AAUUUGHHHHHHHH LOUIIEEEEEEEE :((( louie save me louieieieeeee

[wren-like-the-bird007]

There should be a “super blocked” option on social media. Like, if you super block someone you can’t unblock them or even go and “check up” on them. Nope. Your super blocked. You dont exist on my social media app anymore. Toodles.

[teaboot]

As someone who learnt english as a second language via textbook, I have to say "flying by the seat of my pants" is a hilarious idiom xD

It's the first time I've seen/heard it.

Could you share another one you like using?

Idk about idioms specifically, but there's a bunch of phrases I learned from my mom!

Lord love a duck! (Incredulous, like 'oh my god')

Lord suffer in sheep dip! (Sheep dip meaning sheep poop. Incredulous, but for annoying things- like 'are you kidding me?')

Is there a piano tied to your ass? ('Don't be lazy, do it yourself')

Someone's cruising for a bruising. (You're picking a fight.)

I don't give a rat's rip. ('I don't care'- a rat's 'rip' is it's butt crack.)

Pull up a stump! (Get yourself a chair, sit down.)

Everybody out of the pool! (Get out of the car)

I'm flying by the seat of my pants. (I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm doing it.)

Don't go blowing smoke up my ass. (Don't over-compliment me, don't flatter me, don't stroke my ego, don't tell me positive lies)

Looks like it's gonna rain on our parade. (A storm is coming.)

Sorry to rain on your parade. (I've given you bad news- can be used sincerely or sarcastically to denote sympathy for incurring a bad mood.)

Better button that lip. (Stop talking.)

Someone's gonna stick a boot up your ass. ('Stick a boot up your ass'- fight you, beat you, kick your ass.)

Stick that lip out any further, and a pigeon'll shit on it. (Stop whining.)

Suck it up, buttercup. (Stop whining.)

Dumber than a fence post. (Very stupid.)

The back forty. (The wild or forested area behind a rural home. The 'forty' being forty acres, or farmland.)

Don't go begging for a fat lip. (Whatever you're saying or doing is going to bother people and get you in trouble.)

What on God's green earth (What the fuck)

I'm sweating like a pig in a porta-potty (like a pig in a plastic outhouse- I'm very warm, it's hot here)

He thinks the universe flew out of his ass. (He thinks he's more impressive than he is.)

Your mouth wrote a cheque your ass couldn't cash. (You promised more than you were capable of providing.)

You've got a horseshoe up your ass. (You're very, very lucky.)

Taking a dirt nap. (Dead.)

Pushing (up) daisies. (Dead.)

Give me forty acres to turn this rig around. (I need time and space to move this large, heavy, or unwieldy thing. Usually about navigating a vehicle. Taken from a song lyric.)

Jesus take the wheel. (God help me, I can't handle this, I give up.)

Gone belly-up. (Has died.)

We've got a floater. (This one is dead.)

Herding cats. (Trying to organize chaos, managing an impossibly complicated situation.)

I've got a black thumb. (I am bad at growing plants, all my plants die- reference to having a 'green thumb', or being good at growing plants.)

Stop trackin' floor cookies. (Floor cookies are bits of animal shit that fall off your work boots- 'tracking floor cookies' means wearing your boots in the house; take your shoes off at the door.)

Running around like a headless chicken. (Frantic, disorganized, stressed out by many tasks or panicked by a big situation.)

Spinning my wheels. (Waiting around for something to happen, getting nowhere, frustrated by inactivity, not making any progress towards a goal.)

He's gonna blow a gasket. (He's going to lose his temper, he's going to be angry.)

They'll tan your hide. (They'll punish you severely; usually through violence. Specifically in reference to a spanking.)

He's a few bricks short a load. (He's not clever / he doesn't think things through / he's crazy)

Not the sharpest tool in the shed. (Not the smartest person. Very dumb, clumsy, or absent-minded.)

I'm not going to bail you out. (Not going to save your sinking boat- not going to help you out of your bad situation.)

Looks like things are going south. (The situation is growing worse.)

I'll start making tracks. (I'll leave now, I'll start working, I'll get going.)

He's fucking the dog. (He's not being productive, he's doing a bad job, he's made things worse, he's screwing around.)

He's making puppies. (Less graphic version of 'fucking the dog'.)

Plant your ass. (Sit.)

Playing grab-ass. (Procrastinating- accomplishing nothing, slowing people down.)

He couldn't find his ass in the dark. (He's stupid, ineffective, underqualified, or incompetent.)

He couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel. (He is unbelievably, comically dumb or ineffective. He can't do anything right.)

One foot in the ground. (Dying, or half-dead.)

I'm kicking rocks. (I'm not doing anything productive.)

I'm hauling ass. (I'm running away.)

Madder than a wet hen. (Very, very angry.)

Like I said I'm not sure that these are all idioms but they're all the phrases and sayings from my childhood that I can remember right now

EDIT: Cannot BELIEVE I forgot my mom's favourite

52. Wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which gets filled first. (Wishes don't come true by themselves)

Plus some more I forgot:

53. You make a better door than a window. (You're in the way of my view.)

54. You can take a long walk off a short pier. (Go fuck yourself.)

55. He's about as sharp as a bowling ball. (He's stupid.)

56. Scoot your poot. (Move over.)

57. Not my first rodeo. (I know what I'm doing.)

58. He's built like a brick shithouse. (He's broad and sturdy and very strong, solid.)

59. I smell bacon. (I saw a cop nearby.)

60. I don't want to hear a peep. (Stop talking.)

61. You're thinking with the wrong head. (You're making bad decisions because you're horny.)

62. I'd lose my ass/head if it wasn't tied on. (I'm very absent-minded, forgetful.)

63. That went down like a lead balloon. (That situation was bad.)

[2knightt]

HII!! could you write the gang with a reader that has an rbf and seems really intimidating/unapproachable but is a sweetheart? they arent very talkative and seem very cold but their love language is acts of service/gift giving & sorta quality time?? <33

୧ ׅ𖥔 ۫ pretty as a vine, sweet as a grape. ⋄ 𓍯

…REQUESTED: you never judge a book by it’s cover. especially when it comes to y/n!

tags/warnings: people being judgy asf/spreading rumours, gang defending reader with their soul, reader is a softie i fear, reader is kinda shy, probably stupid:3c, steve threatening a manLMFAO

ೃauthor notes⁀➷ READER IS SO ME CODED HELLO also if two-bits part sounds stupid it ‘s because i’m high rn and even if can admit it’s a little iffy

—

dallas winston

thought of you as someone to be threatened by at first ngl

he heard of this scary, mean mugged, tuff looking girl and went ‘mh. an enemy🐺😒’

he went up to you one day, acting all tuff and shit just for you to look him up and down and nervously wave

look, he may not be the smartest cookie but he can see someone shy a mile away. and when he seen you wave, he felt like such an ass LMFAO

did he show it? no. obviously.

this is dallas. he’s an asshole.

“little miss tough girl, huh?”

“…pardon?”

that teasing from him DID continue until you walked away because dallas is the type to never back down, even when he’s wrong

expect for the next time you met him!!!!

he was actually asking you your name, where you’re from, etc, etc!!!

turning a new leaf dare i say…

and everything after that was history! cutest scary looking couple ever!

HE THINKS IT’S SOOO FUNNY THAT PEOPLE ARE SCARED OF YOU LMFAOOO

he plays into it sm if someone brings it up bro

“y/n? like..scary y/n?”

“yeah, like scary y/n. and i’ll get ‘er on ya if you keep talkin’ ‘bout her.”

“oh!😰”

he thinks it’s so silly to see you look really pissed off when he isn’t around just to greet you and see your whole demeanour change!!

dallas thinks it’s so cute😭 it’s like one of his favourite things about you!

“😠😒”

“hey, baby.”

“oh! hi, dal!<3”

LMFAO IMAGINE SOMEONE SEEING YOU, A MEAN LOOKING GIRL, SHOPPING FOR MENS LEATHER JACKETS

yuppp spoil that dickhead!😫 he lovelovelovesss getting gifts, ESPECIALLY from u!!!

if you’re clingy, i feel like he wouldn’t mind it. he teases THE FUCK out of u tho!😊

“big tough girl wants to hold hands, eh?”

“…yea😞.”

“awh, look at ya. come ‘ere.”

johnny cade

you might think he’d be scared and intimidated, right? but NO! he’s literally bff’s with ponyboy, he knows damn well what rbf is!

you two are sooo cute together

little kicked, scared puppy with his feral doberman!!!

tells people to stfu whenever they try and spread rumours that you’re scary, mean, and rude.

“you’re dating y/n? don’t you know she-“

“i don’t care, shut up. ‘s not like you know her😒.”

sometimes refuses your gifts.

johnny’s not used to them :( but all u gotta do is say please and flutter your lashes and u got em!!!!

“i can’t take it.”

“please?😞”

“…okay😣.”

and he DOES NOT regret it! he might fight you at first, but he cherishes those gifts with his life<3!

loveloveloveLOVESSS having u around constantly!! since your love language is quality time, you two are always hanging out together.

and, with your scary looks, you often keep the socs away from him!

hip-hip, hooray‼️‼️

the gang was like…worried for johnny at first.

THEY DIDN’T KNOW U WERE COOL THO😭😭💔💔💔

they were all like, “??seriously, johnny?? you pick the meanest girl?? ever???” and johnny was QUICK to defend. “y’all ain’t even meet her, and you’re already sayin’ she’s bad for me?”

when they did though, they were like ‘ohhhh….she really isn’t rude…..oh….’

HE’S SO PROUD TO DATE U THO LMFAOOO

and to know the real you?? treats it like an HONOUR

ponyboy curtis

was intimidated by you.

forgot he was also like you and accidentally glares at people who walk past him LMFAOOOO

You two are like two peas in a pod istg!!

“you look mean from far away,”

“???so do you, pony??”

“…no??”

��WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ‘NO’?”

mean looking couple who are truly just a bunch of nerds deep down to their soul<3

the gang was a little protective of ponyboy until they realized ur just like him LMFAO

They get having an rbf<3

pony loves spending time with you!

gift him a book and he’ll love you forever!!! (maybe even read it to you when you two are finally alone to help you fall asleep🤍)

he’s such a cutie…..

stays close to you in public because he thinks you’re scarier looking than anyone he’s ever met😊😊.

“cm’ere,”

“why?🤨”

“BECAUSE🙄!”

SCARY DOG Y/N IS REAL.

glares at anyone who goes around telling people that you’re mean and rude.

if looks could kill, they’d be dead already!!!

ponyboy does not fuck around with u i fear.

Sodapop Curtis

LMFAOOO GREEK GOD OF A MAN WITH HIS PISSED OFF GF WHO IS NERVOUSLY HOLDING HIS HAND !!!

he was NOT afraid of you!! in fact, he thought the rumours of you being an asshole were all fake

“you talkin’ about y/n?”

“yes, bro! they’re so rude-“

“how do you know?”

“well, i don’t-“

“so, shut up?😒”

cuz like??? did they not bother to understand you???

soda literally made it his mission to prove that you weren’t a dick!!😭😭

and GODDAMN HE WAS SO RIGHT

you’re such a sweetheart to soda! he lovesss telling people about how cute you are around him since it’s his own way to squash the rumours.

“my y/n is so sweet, you wouldn’t get it.”

“isn’t she the same girl who beat the soc to a pulp?”

“she can barely kill a fly.”

you don’t need to do much to scare off the girls that flirt with him at the DX, just a nice little glare every now and then and they’re already gone!

(soda doesn’t have to know that you play into the rumours sometimes. it’s our little secret.)

steve randle

HATES EVERYONE WHO TALKS ABOUT YOU

he’s petty AS FUCK LMFAOOO

they can’t handle the randle😜💯

“ew, y/n-“

“MAN, GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY FACE WITH THAT WHAT DO YOUUU KNOW ABOUT Y/N🗣️‼️”

that was an over exaggeration but you get the point.

gets very defensive when people try and ‘warn’ him about you lmfao

gift him a tool box and he’ll use it until it’s literally falling apart at the bolts<3

no seriously. it could be holding on by one screw and he’ll still use it. he doesn’t gaf. steve will use anything u give him.

he accepts ur rbf cause he thinks it’s SO FUNNY?? like he’ll see you far away with your friends looking all angry before one of them says a really funny joke and just watches your expression change so quickly

one of his fav things ever<3!

two-bit mathews

he makes so much jokes about it LMFAOOO

“jesus, y/n! you sure yer glare ain’t the thing that killed the dinosaurs?”

—

“swear i see the devil in yours eyes sometimes. it looks soooo good on you, though🤭🤭”

HE THINKS ITS SO ATTRACTIVE

and he lovesss your sweetheart side sm it’s like he gets best of both worlds

RAHH GIFT TWO-BIT MICKEY PLUSHIE OR ELSE

He’d totally have it on his bed 24/7. his sister has tried to steal it before to scare him btw.

skmetimes just to spend time together with him—you just go walking around town with him while he has an arm around your shoulder the whole time<3

[reallyromealone]

I’ve been soooo obsessed with the babyhaul series.So,I was wondering if you could do an ep where the babe finally develops his quirk.Aizawa dropped the babe at the U.A daycare and a few hours pass and he gets called to the office bc his little one developed their quirk (You can pick the quirk bc I have no idea what it should be)

Feel free to ignore this <333

Title: quirk

Fandom: bnha

Characters: Yamada, Aizawa, Nedzu

Fic type: fluff

Pairings: Yamada x Aizawa

Warnings: male reader, reader insert, child reader, fluff

Notes:

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Quirks were fun.

Especially when you get a call that your toddler rearrange the structural design of a block into a pile of sand, causing the daycare staff to have to call the parent to said daycare.

"What did he do?" Aizawa asked exasperated as he and his husband sat with their three year old, (name) sporting a cool quirk suppressant bracelet for children as he played with his papas fingers and wedding band "well it seems he developed his quirk, he turned a wood block into sand and then his cookie into a ducky toy and began crying when he didn't have his cookie anymore" the head of the U.A daycare explained and the two teachers shared a glance.

(Name) Had his biological father's quirk.

"Thank you for telling us, if you could excuse us" Aizawa lifted the little one In his arms as they went to Nedzu, they knew this time would come but god they wished they had a bit more time. (Name) Was confused as his dad's looked serious "papa! I got my quirk!" (Name) Tried to make conversation with Yamada who smiled down at his son that was in Aizawas hold "yeah, now we gotta see uncle Nedzu to teach you how to use it" (name) looked confused but just went with it, uncle Nedzu was the smartest guy ever so...

"Uncle zuzu! I got my quirk!" (Name) Said excitedly as he was freed from his dad's hold and set in the ground, waddling/ running towards the principal "So I have been told little mouse, very exciting" Nedzu said handing a cookie to the child who went around his desk to see him properly since he wasn't able to see above the desk.

"The commission isn't to know about his abilities so we can work that to our advantage" (name) was sitting on the carpet with his toys, playing happily while the adults put their plan into action, the daycare trained and signed enough NDA's to make a judge sweat "We will begin quirk training immediately, if he can do something like that without breaking a sweat now... That's something to keep close tabs on"

It was well known that quirks could be more powerful through generations, evolving into something even bigger than itself and (name) had no reaction to using his quirk even by accident, turning wood to sand wasn't an easy feat after all.

"It will only be for an hour a day, he is still quite young" Nedzu showed them folders he had prepared, a very cohesive and airtight plan that had the parents impressed "there's even snack time" Aizawa said with a huff, it fit in for their pick-up time for Eri and everything.

"And if course I'll be there in case something happens" Aizawa said looking back at his son who was in his own world.

That night, Aizawa and Yamada sat with their tot and explained a little bit about his quirk, (name) was already mentally developing faster than they were expecting, they were sure that Kisaki did something to cause that as the boy seemed to be understanding things faster and better than his peers.

"I can make cookies..." The power (name) realized he has was a horrifying realization to the parents who couldn't help but laugh at the fact that making cookies was his first instinct.

"Use that power wisely" Yamada snorted as they went home, they had some things to order and have lunch, (name)s choice.

[drysdalesworld]

ducks, ducks, ducks

jamie drysdale x fem!hughes!reader

social media au set before injury & trade! (still salty about it)

y/n.hughes just posted!

liked by adamfantilli, uoregon, yourbestie, and more

y/n.hughes: ducks, ducks, ducks 🦆

tagged: yourbestie, anaheimducks, uoregon

( loading comments! )

yourbestie: ducks!!

userone: the best duck there is

usertwo: fr!

userthree: who? jamie or y/n?

userone: y/n 100% userthree

trevorzegras: i’m still petty over the fact that you didn’t hug me first

y/n.hughes: i would’ve if you didn’t take forever to leave the locker room

jamie.drysdale: you were too slow z

trevorzegras: ☹️

userfour: trev being petty over the fact that he wasn’t one of the first people to hug y/n after the game has me ROLLING 😭

userfive: fr!! i love how jokingly possessive he is over the hughes siblings. it’s too funny

usersix: esp over jack and y/n. it’s hilarious 😂

yourroommate: how much sleep did you get this weekend?

y/n.hughes: none ☺️

yourroommate: babes

yourbestie: she literally brought her suitcase to the party so she could immediately go straight to the airport afterwards

userseven: stop!! that’s so cute!!

y/n.hughes: worth it tho

jamie.drysdale: loved having you at my game baby 🤍

jackhughes: is that why you ignored my facetime earlier 🥲

y/n.hughes: yes. i had other priorities

jackhughes: wow. so your older brother isn’t a priority? i see how it is 😒

y/n.hughes: dramatic ass

jackhughes: i’m telling mom!

usereight: y/n knows where her priorities lie lol

_quinnhughes: hope you had fun sis!

y/n.hughes: i did! thank you quinny <33

lhughes_06: take notes jackhughes

jackhughes: i’m being attacked at all sides aren’t i

colecaufield: when are you going to visit 😖

y/n.hughes: bake me your moms homemade cookies and then we’ll talk

colecaufield: done ✅

anaheimducks: the best duck we know!

markestapa: visit us next!!

tyler_duke5: on my knees begging

alexturcotte: hope oregon’s treating you well girl hughes!!

y/n.hughes just posted!

liked by trevorzegras, rutgermcgroarty, and more

y/n.hughes: why do i have to be such a studious gf that’s pursuing her college degree and not a stay at home gf 😫

tagged: jamie.drysdale

( loading comments ! )

trevorzegras: just drop out. problem solved

userone: that’s not

jackhughes: are you encouraging my sister to drop out of college z 🤨

trevorzegras: just saying j. it’s an easy fix

lhughes_06: that’s what you get for double majoring in english and communications with a minor in political science girlie

usertwo: did luke just refer to his sister as girlie?

userthree: yes, yes he did

y/n.hughes: at least i’ll have a degree in my name & not just on the back of a jersey

trevorzegras: DAYUMM BABY HUGHES YOU JUST GOT BURNED

y/n.hughes: same goes for you trev

userfour: oop

jamie.drysdale: because you’re a smart and hardworking girl baby ☺️

y/n.hughes: awww jimmy!! i love you so much ❤️❤️

userfive: are we just going to brush over the fact that y/n is a double major with a minor?? babes is getting NO sleep

y/n.hughes: ZERO

y/n.hughes: sleep is for the weak!

usersix: praying for your health & sanity bbg

userfive: get some sleep girl!! it’s important for your health!

yourbestie: get that degree babes!! be the most studious wag ever!!

yourroommate: FRFR

anaheimducks: getting the jack ready rn

luca.fantilli: the smartest hughes

lhughes_06: offense taken

y/n.hughes: thank you luca <3 speaking the truth fr

rutgermcgroarty: speaking of the smart hughes, can you help me with my essay y/n.hughes 😖

y/n.hughes: ofc rut! i’ll call you at 9

rutgermcgroarty: bless thank you 🙏

elhughes: so proud of you baby 💚💚

y/n.hughes: thank you mama!! i love you so much 🤍

jackhughes: the smartest sister i have

_quinnhughes: she’s the only sister you have idiot

jackhughes: okay and ???

userseven: the pic of jamie tying her shoe 😭😭

masonmctavish23: the most studious person i know!

trevorzegras: idk why but i feel offended

y/n.hughes: babes, we all know you practically have an iq of a grape

jackhughes: she isn’t wrong z 😂

y/n.hughes just posted to their story!

caption: last date night with lover boy until thanksgiving break jamie.drysdale :(

trevorzegras replied!

finally! i no longer have to deal with you and jimbo’s lovey dovey grossness 🤢

jk! love you 🫶🏼 you make jimmy more tolerable

jamie.drysdale replied!

i’m going to miss you baby! :( study hard & take care of yourself lovey 🤍

lhughes_06 replied!

since when were you NOT coming home for turkey break??! 🤨

[anonyme-glace]

Home Wrecker

Some fantasy where I’m a home wrecking slut at my college. Scarlett A style. My style is nothing to be proud of, stripper tits showing off, cut outs in my clothes, short shorts, no bra, itching to be dress coded, but know I won’t be bc I fucked the dean. If he does dresscode me, I’ve got a handy little video of him begging to see my tits, begging for me to suck him faster. I’d tell his wife about his little step-daughter fetish.

I’m definitely not the smartest cookie in the book but I might as well be on honour roll for all the dirty handjobs I’ve given after class. maybe ill let them play with my pussy if they’re good. Of course for each one of these professors, I’ve got hundreds of screenshots of them asking me for nudes, or sending me dick pics. Some even ask to act out their fantasies. Shit you would only see on the worst parts of the internet. I charge hefty sums for that stuff.

Of course my only real target is my math professor. He’s the only one who hasn't given up yet, but I know he's thinking about it. in his forties, married, kids are my age and gone off to college. he's seriously built. Hands are rough and veiny, and rest on my shoulder for too long after helping me with a math problem.

After a couple weeks he agrees to tutor me after classes. I wear my worst outfits yet. I can feel the way his eyes drink me in, and I can see his bulge grow a bit. I’m craving that thick married cock. I’ll take care of him. Eventually I get him to move our sessions to my house, off campus where I live alone. I get nasty. Hands touching him, going up and down his thigh as he sits next to me. Obviously he gives in. Now our sessions consist of him bending me over and fucking into my cunt with no remorse. Over time he’s brough toys into it; fetishes his wife would never do. He fucks my ass, dp’s me, ties me down, fucks me face. He does anything to me bc he knows I’ll take it all.

One day he invites me to his house and I meet his wife. We all have dinner and then head upstairs. He starts touching me, pleasing me. He ruins me in front of her. By the end of the year his wedding band is but a faint indent on his ring finger and I couldn’t be happier.!

[intheupside]

who would survive on a deserted island (dkpitt)

Bryan Rust: I feel like Harkins probably could. He seems like a guy who would be climbing trees and cutting them down with his bare hands, maybe even chewing them down. I think he would do well.

Reilly Smith: I wouldn't say any of us! No, you know what? Harks. Harks could survive. He can probably find weird things to eat. He'd be sufficient at just getting by.

Jansen Harkins: Ned. He just seems resourceful, and I feel like he could just chill. I don't think he needs too much.

Alex Nedeljkovic: Jars. He seems like an outdoorsy guy. Survivalist? I don't know if that's a real word.

P.O Joseph. Not Ned! I'm going to say Gravy. He's from the Maritimes, I feel like they know a little about the outdoors is my guess. On a serious note, I think Ned would definitely be someone that would be good at it, just his capacity of adjusting in places. He would be good at it.

Lars Eller: Sid. He seems to be going different ways about things, about a lot of things. He doesn't rely too much on new technology, let's just say that.

Jake Guentzel: Sid. He's just an outdoorsman, that's kind of his vibe. I'm sure he could find something to live off of.

Chad Ruhwedel: Sid or Carts, or myself. They seem like they could handle themselves in a tough situation. I think I would do OK.

Kris Letang: Sid, he lives in the middle of the woods.

Erik Karlsson: Sid. I just feel like he would be very creative and would probably figure out a way to sustain himself for as long as he needed.

Valtteri Puustinen: I would say Kopi (Joona Koppanen). He's the smartest guy, I think. He knows what he's doing. I think if I went with myself? I'm dying. But he's a smart guy.

Joona Koppanen: I'll take Carts. He has the wisdom and the dad strength.

Colin White: John Ludvig. I feel like he's pretty handy, he'd like the outdoors like that.

Drew O'Connor: Luds, probably. He seems like he would. Look at him! He seems like an animal, don't you think?

John Ludvig: I'm going to say Cookie (Noel Acciari). Cookie's a burly man, he can handle himself. I'm pretty sure he'd find a way to survive wherever he was. I'll go with him.

Noel Acciari: Rudy (Chad Ruhwedel). He has a military background with his dad, he just seems handy.

Marcus Pettersson: Rudy. I think he's pretty handy, he could make something out of nothing, make himself a good shelter. That's big, I think he could build a shelter. Raks is a good fisherman, but the problem is he's alone on that island. He doesn't touch the fish, he hates touching the fish. He doesn't do it. So it'd be a problem, he'd need somebody with him.

Jonathan Gruden: I feel like Petey (Marcus Pettersson) would be good, just being around him for a little bit. He's pretty good, he could work his way around it and survive. Not OC. But P.O could maybe survive too. (Me: Half the team picked P.O for who couldn't survive.) I've got P.O's back! Maybe he's fooling me.

Magnus Hellberg: Can I pick myself? I'm really big into the outdoors and hiking, hunting, fishing. I think I've watched every season of Alone and all those survival shows. I like to be out in nature. When I think about all the guys, I feel like I'm the most nerdy with that stuff, spend a lot of time on the water. I would say myself, but in a humble way.

Rickard Rakell: I think Sid would do pretty well. I feel like he lives out in nowhere over the summer.

Sidney Crosby: I think I'd say Ricky (Rakell). He's pretty chill, I think he's got some survival instincts. He's got the tools.

Ryan Graves: Maybe Jars, I feel like he's outdoorsy.

Jesse Puljujarvi: Maybe Jarry. I heard he stays on a farm? So that's why.

Tristan Jarry: Tanger. He'd find someone to come pick him up.

[itstheghostofmypast]

21.19

University AU Choi San x (F)Reader

Summary: He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you're awake - at this point, she was borderline afraid of him and his correct judgement.

Genre: Fluff

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: None

Word Count: 838

Est.Read Time: 4 min

Networks: @cromernet @k-labels @illusionnet

Banner: @cafekitsune

A/N: wow two in one day? Damn, I must be desperate.

“Am I drooling?” Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand she pushed her glasses up her face, resting them on top of her head, using them to keep the hair off her face, glaring at the man on the screen. Of course, he'd do this every time she'd decide to stay in and revise - moron.

The day had begun like any other gruelling day, weekend, or not, Friday was merely just the same as Monday for her. Considering she didn't have classes tomorrow, there was only one thing she was going to do, revise, something she'd encourage him to do as well, until he'd hit her with the “I study five days a week, I can relax over the weekend.”

Sure, that's easy to say when you're Choi San, boy wonder, the golden boy, lady luck would just follow him around - not that she was any better. Point is, sometimes it came naturally to him, he may not be the smartest but he was always the most confident and well liked and on any other day she would've been giggling and giddy at the thought of him having eyes only for her, not today though.

With a scoff she swiped to the next picture, and the next, until her breath hitched at the last one, something about the closeup picture had every ounce of feminism leave her body, her eyes flickered to the caption, her face flushing at the cookie emoji, her words ringing in her ears, “You're so hot Sannie, I could bake cookies on you!”

In her defense, she was severely drunk that night, and severely tired of her pent up feelings for the man who she had been mutually pinning on for two whole semesters but was too afraid to make a move, and he was too afraid of pushing her away- until of course Choi Jongho took them out for a couple of drinks. Turns out her tolerance was worse than San's, two shots in and she was wasted, leaning against the man’s side, mumbling about how bad her day was, and then somehow ended up saying that.

She shivered at the stupid flashback, visibly cringing at the memory, to think she had just opened her account to sift through stupid reels, to relax for ten minutes, and now for the past forty minutes she had just been staring at the three pictures, as if she had not been more intimate with the man- perhaps it was true, he was hotter with clothes on, or perhaps she just needed to wash her mind with some bleach.

Scoffing at the thought, she took a shameless screenshot of each picture - no, she was not going to ask him to send these pictures to her? What to prove him right? To boost his ego? No, thank you, one should never inflate the balloon of ego man carries around with him.

She had placed the phone down and picked up a pen, but the loud ringer had her squeak like a mouse, fumbling with the pen before she picked up her phone blindly,

“H-hello!?”

“...You saw, but you didn’t like…are you playing hard to get?”

She scoffed at the audacity of this bastard, leaning against her seat, “Didn’t see anything special.”

‘Darling, if I come home and find screenshots-”

“Why are you shamelessly thirst-trapping your girlfriend anyway?” She cut him off instantly, making a mental note to delete the pictures later.

“Because she won't pay attention to me!” He whined, she could ‘hear’ his pout, especially when added in his pouty complaint, “We could be devouring this platter together- and-and then we could have had the mint-choco couple's special!”

With a sigh, she pinched the bridge of her nose, “And then spend the entire weekend at the gym like a dog?”

“Woof! Woof! Sounds like a date,” he snorted, pressing the phone between his ear and shoulder as he struggled with the keys, letting out a hearty laugh at her joke.

“Careful don't let Mingi hear you barking like that!”

“I'll make sure of that, now if I were you, I'd put away those horrid notes,” he mumbled closing the door behind him as he walked towards their room, ignoring her whining and complaining, one he could now hear live as well before he stood at the door frame and cleared his throat, catching her all curled up against the desk, in her swivel chair.

She turned to look at him, almost dying at the thought of an intruder then visibly relaxing at the sight of her lover, neither of the two hanging up.

“Ice-cream? And then we can cram together?” He spoke into the phone, raising the plastic bag to show her a tub of mint chocolate ice cream.

Rubbing her chin she pretended to think about his offer, only to giggle when he came stomping closer threatening to place the wet bag on her notes, earning a squeal from her, before she hugged him by the waist pulling him closer, looking up at him, with a smile, one that matched his, both staring at each other like love-sick puppies “That's not a bad offer, Mr.Choi.”

Taglist: @edenesth @skteezcursed @mlysalt @the-kpop-simp @spooo00oky @bunnyluvr25 @s-h-y-a @ateezswonderland

[nagaytoe]

Dry Leaves

Yandere X Reader

Tags/TWs: Stalking, kinda mental health issues?, violence, abduction, yandere is delusional (obv), y'all can insert anyone you want as the yandere

One of the Yandere Fall prompts by @snoopledrooplecheesedoodle inspired this fanfic, i wrote it specifically in a way that doesn't mention a certain character so anyone can feel free to insert whoever they want into the role of the yandere!

Word count: 990

——————————————————————

It's the middle of October; the trees grew more colorful and started losing their leaves, which are now scattered along the sidewalk and crunch underneath your boots as you make your way back home.

You look around the park you are currently walking through, since it's a shortcut to your apartment, and see a group of kids playing around in a heap of leaves. Their laughter fills your ears, despite the headphones you are wearing. They seem so careless, so innocent and they are, of course. How you wish you could go back to those times, back when your biggest issue was having to be in bed by 7 p.m. and not…that person.

However, those times are over, unfortunately. You quickly avert your gaze, feeling uncomfortable all of a sudden; the hair on the back of your neck is standing up and goosebumps stretch over your skin. It might be cold, but not that cold, especially not since you're wearing a thick jacket and lined boots, the cause for the goosebumps is more likely something, or someone, else. A feeling all too familiar is washing over you: The feeling of being watched.

Picking up your pace, you quickly leave the park and try to get home as soon as possible. Who's to say that you can't finish a route that takes five minutes on average in two?

As you walk on the quiet sidewalk, with not a car in sight, and the song you are currently listening to ending you try to concentrate on the sounds surrounding you and sure enough:

You hear a second pair of footsteps behind you, leaves crunching under the person's feet.

As soon as you try to walk even faster, the person behind you picks up their pace as well.

For fucks sake…

Should you turn around? No, that's most likely not the smartest idea. The closest group of people you've seen so far were the kids just now and they won't be much help in case of an attack.

There's a cafe nearby, you could use a warm drink anyways and perhaps you'll be able to either get the person to stop trailing after you or to spot whoever is following you.

You stop in front of a small cafe you visit quite frequently and enter, not daring to look behind you just yet.

Walking up to the counter you already know what you want to order, the same as usual, as you look over to the door and scan the entryway, but there seems to be no one coming in after you. You sigh, feeling a little relieved, maybe you were just imagining things. The barista, however, doesn't fail to notice that you seem on edge.

“Is everything alright, Miss?”

Your gaze snaps back towards the woman in front of you. She seems to be around your age, with short, jet black hair and a few piercings gracing her pale face.

“Y-yeah…sorry, it's just… been a little stressful lately”

The bags under your eyes are dark, a telltale sign of the countless nights you stayed awake and failed to fall asleep, too scared that whoever keeps watching you lately will strike in the dead of night and have their way with you.

The barista smiles empathetically and hands you a small tray with your drink and something else in a small paper bag, causing you to look at her questioningly.

“A chocolate chip cookie,” she says. “On the house, of course. You seem like you need something sweet.” She adds quickly.

“Thank you.” You give her a warm smile and walk to a free spot in the back of the cafe. It's a table meant for two people: Two dark brown armchairs on each side of a mahogany wood table with a small lamp in the middle, illuminating the surrounding area in a warm light.

20 minutes have passed and you feel a lot calmer. You finished your drink, ate the cookie and feel ready to go, feeling almost silly as you think back to the events not even half an hour ago. It was probably nothing, you were just imagining things. The person behind you just happened to have to go into the same direction as you, right? Right.

You leave the cafe and continue your journey back home, inhaling deeply and feeling the cool air numbing your nose a little. The sun started setting, casting a warm light onto the street and the trees, making the colorful leaves shine even brighter. Your headphones blasted your favorite song and almost everything in the world feels alright again. There were no other incidents on your way home and you reached your apartment complex in no time, smiling to yourself a little.

You failed to notice the man behind you though, following you home and to your front door.

Standing in front of the door to your apartment and right before taking out the keys, someone grabbed you by the hair on the back of your head.

“You kept me waiting out in the cold, I'm sure you don't mind if I warm up a little in your apartment, right? After all, I still have to pack your things... Aren't you excited, darling?”

A deep voice whispers into your ear, as you are frozen in shock, before your head is slammed into the door.

Falling to the ground, you try to get a good look at your attacker and attempt to kick him, but to no avail. You were way too dizzy to cause him any harm and the mask and hood he was wearing made it impossible to get a glimpse at his features.

The last thing you hear before passing out is a chuckle along with some sinister sounding words.

“I hope you know I had no other choice, especially not after you always flirt with others, including that barista today. Surely you're well aware that infidelity is a sin, no?”

[sunseed-fandump]

Ok, this came to me around 4 minutes ago and I would like to share this

What if the reason for Shadow Milk being unhinged and slightly insane was that he learned every truth and every lie causing him to snap. Because Mystic Flour and Burning Spice still seem mentally stable compared to him. he’s lost it, because he knew too much.

Oh, for sure. Out of all 5 Beasts, Shadow Milk is the one I personally headcanon is practically impossible to be redeemed. His ego and spite just won't allow him to. (If he WERE to be redeemed it'd be nothing short of a miracle.)

Ngl if you look at all the Beasts' original virtues you'll find them all being assigned very broad concepts. I personally feel an aspect as to why each of the Beasts fell in the ways they did was because they became overwhelmed.

Let's take a sec to look at Mystic Flour's whole deal, since we pretty much know a lot of her story. She was assigned to Volition, which is the power to choose, have a Will, have desire. Thus, she took it upon herself to fulfill the desires of the cookies who came to her with their wishes.

And while having a Will of your own is good and important... Wills... Can be broken. And hers DID break. The moment things didn't go her way, and her enlightenment was ruined, she gave up. And she concluded that the world would be better off without ALL desire, thus Apathy.

Burning Spice and Change? What if, like Golden Cheese, he lost something precious to him and was unable to cope with that change? So he decided that it's better to destroy everything than grow weak with attachments. Eternal Sugar and Happiness? Whose happiness are they supposed to be protecting? Fights are going to break out. Cookies are going to have disagreements. You cannot, realistically, make everyone happy. So what if they decided to just focus on their OWN happiness? Silent Salt and Solidarity? Pointing back to Cookies getting into arguments and disagreeing, I wouldn't be surprised if Silent Salt just decided to give up on having everyone reach an understanding with each other.

As for Shadow Milk and Knowledge... He says his soul jam whispers things to him. I can't even begin to fathom what it told him. And i mean EVERY bit of information. Fact and Fiction. All of it unfiltered. My man is a personified Library of Babel. How does one even begin to cope with that? Answer: He Didn't. And tbh, if he didn't already have an ego before he corrupted, he ABSOLUTELY got it when he did begin corrupting. After all, there's no better feeling than feeling like you're the smartest person in the room. (And knowing for a fact that's probably the case.)

I believe the Witches had the right idea, but they made a MASSIVE oversight by making the initial virtues FAR TOO BROAD. Thus leading the Beasts to their downfalls and why the Ancients' Soul Jams are WAYYYY more specified in their Virtues.

Because what good is Knowledge, if you don't know what's TRUE? What good is Volition, if you don't have the RESOLUTION to keep going? What good is Change, if there is not ABUNDANCE to heal the world after the chaos? What good is Happiness, if one does not have PASSION for others? What good is Solidarity, if one is not FREE to choose?

[kristenwell]

(Not) Jealous - Leo Valdez x Reader

(Okay so I've had this idea for a while and I thought it was cute but it's my first fanfic so it's probably cringe 💀 Also : g/p = godly parent)

Leo glared and huffed in annoyance. He was sitting on a bench near the docks, observing a certain person.

This particular habit of his s/o was starting to get on his nerves.

It’s been a few days since they found a stray cat near the camp and since they’ve started to neglect him.

The demigod in question kept on cuddling the small calico in content. Few kisses on its little head here and there along with careful hugs.

The son of Hephaestus had hard time admitting to his jealousy.

„You’re gonna burn a hole in their head if you keep staring like that.“ The voice next to him spoke, slightly amused by his behavior.

„Maybe it’ll finally take their attention away from that stupid cat.“ Leo grumbled. He didn’t even need to look at the person speaking to know it’s Jason, and he knew he came to tease him.

The blond boy chuckled. He sat on the bench next to his curly haired friend as he kept his eyes on y/n.

„Maybe you should join them,“ Jason suggested: „and show that you’re interested instead of sulking here like a little kid.“

Leo huffed and ran his hand through his dark curls. The gentle wind doing little to no help with cooling down his red face.

„You don’t get it, they haven’t given me their full attention for like whole two days, how am I supposed to survive?“ He whined dramatically.

Jason’s eye caught a figure approaching the two boys.

„Here they come. Good luck, dude.“ The taller male gave Leo a reassuring pat on his shoulder before scurrying Zeus knows where.

The sight of wind blowing in their hair, sun kissing their skin as they walked in his direction made his heart pound loudly against his chest. Leo could feel himself melting, he was whipped.

„Hey, fire boy.“  Badump. Normally if anyone else were to call him that he’d hate it. But  Y/N was an exception.

The child of g/p sat in Jason’s previous spot next to Leo. They still held the tri-color cat in their arms.

Before the shorter male should utter a word his s/o beat him to it.

„So what’s got you so down? Usually you’d be all over me in a second.“  That sentence alone made Leo straighten his back and snap his head in their direction.

„Why don’t you ask that stupid animal since you’ve been spending SO much time together.“ Irritation was evident in his voice as he kicked the poor ground.

„Cookie is not stupid, she is one of the smartest cats I’ve seen. Aren’t you, sweetie?“ They cooed at at the tiny creature in their arms before the realization hit.  „Love, don’t tell me that THE Super Sized Mcshizzle is jealous.“ A smirk made its way on their face.

A red hue spread across the male’s face as he looked away.

„Of course not, look who you’re talking to. I’m the bad boy supreme, “ He stammered.“I’m just suggesting that you should spend more time with your boyfriend than that stray that probably has fleas.“

Y/N covered the Cookie’s ears and started at their lover in disbelief.

„Don’t treat her like some sort of animal.“ The look that he shot them spoke for itself.

A short silence left them both looking into each other’s eyes. Y/N was the first one to break it.

„I’m sorry if it seemed like ignored you, it wasn’t my intention.“ They gently took his hand into theirs as they looked for a sign of uncomfortableness in his face.

„I’m sorry too, for lashing out at you. It wasn’t cool of me.“

His s/o shook their head and slid closer to him. „So, we’re good?“

„Yep, we’re good.“ He smiled and kissed them gently on their lips.

„Since we’ve established things I need to do one last thing,“ Y/N grinned and quickly placed the relaxed cat in their boyfriend’s arms. „hold her for a while.“

Leo sent a puzzled look his lover’s way as they pulled out a camera and aimed it at him.

„What? She needs a father as well.“  They giggled and snapped a few photos.

„Gotta have something for the family album.“

[gallusrostromegalus]

Funky Muguruma Kensei AEIWAM headcanons? Spare serotonins with the blorbos? /j Also what's AEIWAM Mashiro like? She's one of the only characters I genuinely get annoyed by in the canon oof

:)

So the friendship between Kaname and Mashiro is one of my favorite things in the fic so far. Have a spoilerific Scene (Part 1 of ?)

Crickets and Grasshoppers

Scene One of ??? Approximately 7K words Fluff that goes South and won't get (sort of ) better until part 2, warnings for body horror, referenced torture and Emotionally Devastating Betrayal

:)

It was Tuesday November 5th, 1901, Scheduling Day in the Ninth Division and Mashiro was standing in front of the vending machine just down the street from the Ninth, choosing her armaments for the coming battle. 

In other divisions, the actual drawing up of rosters was the job of lower-seated officers and the specific parts of the Division they were responsible for.  Tousen’s friend Komamura has told her once that the 7th Division’s schedule was so predictable, they only looked at the roster once a year when people retired or were hired. A fascinating concept to Mashiro, who listened to Komamura’s tales of the 7th with the rapt fascination of an anthropologist privileged to hear the folklore of distant and largely unknown people. 

The Ninth was… complicated for the sake of simplicity.  Information did not move the same way people did, and while the seventh could pass an inbound soul from the Intake Team to Queue Management to the Registry Office, passing an information project from one subdivision to another was a great way to lose said project. So instead of projects moving from subdivision to subdivision as they reached different stages, subdivisions went from stage to stage, following projects. 

This meant scheduling had to be done every month, but it beat the hell out of a major archive loss or communications failure. 

And it meant that Snackage was in order. 

Mashiro surreptitiously glanced over her shoulder to make sure Captain Muguruma was still overseeing drills in the courtyard, then selected 37 cookies, chips, snack cakes, bottles of pop and juice and other goodies from the machine and paid out of the Division Purse.  

Kensei, bless him, was a deeply honorable man who was so reliable you could set a watch by him and would probably cross actual Hell to help a friend, but he did not understand scheduling, much less the kind of caloric requirements it held. 

-- “You’re just sitting there!  What do you need all that for?” He’d asked her once.

“The brain’s the most expensive organ to run in terms of calories.” She’d explained, rolling her eyes and opening a bag of Barbecue-flavored corn chips. “-I know your brain is a plodding cart horse, but you can’t do scheduling.  You need my thoroughbred racehorse brain, and it needs snacks!”

He’d given up with a disgusted groan of defeat, which was good, because the other reason she needed the snacks would have actually made him snap.  -- Mashiro shoved the snacks into her backpack, checked that Kensei was still distracted by drills, darted back across the street where he might spot her, ran around the back of the division, and jumped up to the third-floor window that had been left open for her. 

“The level of subterfuge this perfectly normal administrative process requires…” Fifth-seat Kaname Tousen groaned from where he was lying on the floor, partially under his traditional low desk. 

“-Is half the fun, you dork!” Mashiro giggled, closing the window after her as she climbed in. “All the autumn stuff is in the shops and vending machines now, and I made sure to get every persimmon-flavored thing they had just for you!” She grinned down at her chosen assistant for scheduling. 

The other purpose for the snacks was Bribery. 

Kaname Tousen was, by Mashiro’s estimation, definitely the smartest person in the Ninth Division, and possibly in the entire Soul Society.  If the world was a fair place, he’d be lieutenant and she’d be fifth seat, but the world wasn’t a fair place and in the week between Graduation with every honor Shin’o academy had and starting as the 9th Division’s 20th seat, Kaname had been struck down with some sort of horrible spinal infection that damn near killed him, made him miss his entire first month and a half of work, and left him with occasional bouts of crippling pain, like today, when he’d decided to risk worsening Kensei’s already low opinion of him by doing his work lying flat on his back on a hot pad. 

Kaname’s services as a Brainiac were much in demand and his availability highly limited, so Mashiro guaranteed her place on his schedule with confection-based compensation.

“I mean, Kensei’s a mean old sack and that’s not great for the division too, but the spy shenanigans and scheduling snacktime really is like, The Highlight Of The Month sometimes.” Mashiro shrugged, flopping down on the floor beside him and  dumping the snacks out between them. 

“Captain Muguruma’s sense of discipline is intense but very necess- ow. Yeah, that’s not happening.” Kaname sighed, laying back down from trying to sit up. “-He’s a good man.  Difficult, sometimes, but a good man.”

“You’re way too nice for your own good. Here’s the Persimmon castella cakes.” Mashiro grunted, handing Kaname the small package and the payroll notes to read. 

Kaname groped across his desk for a clipboard, attached the payroll notes to it, propped them up on his stomach so they were balanced on the edge of his desk, and laid all the way back down, face pointed at the ceiling rather than the notes.  Mashiro opened up a packet of Amakara rice crackers, watching him with interest as Kaname took off his goggles. 

The goggles were what convinced Mashiro he was the smartest man in the Soul Society.  Kaname had been born totally blind, but he had figured out how to mount a pair of tiny cameras in the frame of a pair of safety goggles, which were connected to… he’d explained that the little bricks behind the opaque white lenses of his goggles contained something like an obscenely long and complicated Kido spell that spotted readable characters, ‘read’ them, and turned the resulting text into words that played out of the tiny “Microphonogram Speech Players or ‘speakers’ “ hidden in the legs of the goggles.  So he could read pretty much anything printed with enough contrast (and decent enough handwriting, Captain Urahara) because his goggles would read it aloud for him.  They were much slower than most people read, and sometimes he had to stop work to “charge” the spell that made them work, but they worked a damn treat, and had the added advantage that Kaname himself did not need to be looking at the thing he was trying to read, only the goggles.

So now he unwound the coil of wire that connected the Kido brick to the microphonogram, placed the ‘speaker’ back in his ear, and set the glasses on his chest so he could read the notes while keeping his back and neck pressed to the hotpad. 

True Genius, that.

“I love how the cameras wiggle.” Mashiro grinned, watching the two lenses shift and dilate as they focused on the notes. “They move the same way cicadas and grasshoppers shift their eyes independently to focus. It’s so clever to have them operate like that.”

“Hm.  That was Kakiyo’s design, not mine.” Kaname smiled.  Kakiyo was his adopted and now-deceased sister.  “She was always more of an entomologist than me.”

“Weird that you ended up with Suzumushi the cricket for a Zanpaktou then.” Mashiro pondered.  She liked Suzumushi- that sword, and her own Musabori Kuu Batta (Devouring Locust) were two of less than One Hundred insect-type Zanpaktou in the court guard, and fewer still that weren’t butterflies. She couldn’t really see Suzumushi- no shinigami could perceive another’s Zanpaktou Spirit- but she could hear Batta’s half of the conversation the two would chirp to each other sometimes.

Kaname paused from opening the persimmon cake packaging with his teeth. “...Yes. Bizarre.” he said, with a rueful finality that Mashiro took as her cue to change the subject.

“Right. Where are we on the Agricultural Practices census?” She sighed, pulling the active projects list and next month’s calendar out in front of her. 

“Maegawa-san has requested travel permissions to-” Kaname replied, flipping through the pages, the goggles faintly reading off names as he tracked them with his fingertip. “Ah, ‘pull the damn report out through the East 36th Daimyo’s nose if I have to’, which I think we can call a requisitions expense rather than reconnaissance. Unless you think Lieutenant Fon would enjoy the catharsis as well.”

“She WOULD, actually, that girl is wound tighter than my grandpa’s pocketwatch.”  Mashiro nodded, placing the card for “3rd Seat Maegawa” in the “Out Of Office” Pile. 

And so it went for a pleasant hour, eating snacks and solving the five-dimensional time, space and payroll puzzle of scheduling, with Kaname helping her keep track of the process and who was not supposed to be doing overtime or couldn’t be trusted to work with someone else or on maternity leave or whatever. 

“Alright, I think that’s nearly everyone sorted…” Mashiro muttered, going down the list of all 200 division members to make sure they’d made it onto the roster. “Oh wait, we didn’t put you down!” She giggled. 

“I believe my schedule should be identical to last months while we are still doing data entry into the archives, but I do have a request- May I have this coming Friday off?” he asked. “I have an engagement.”

“Who’s getting engaged?” Mashiro teased, erasing him from the roster that day.

Kaname tilted his head a bit, pointing his ear at her with a conspiratorial smirk. “...Can you keep a secret?”

Mashiro blinked at him in surprise, then gasped with delight and leaned in  “Cross my heart and hope to die!” She whispered back, giggling. 

Kaname regarded her for a moment, teasing. “Love- Captain Aikawa has finally worked up the nerve to propose to Lieutenant Yadomaru.”

Mashiro made a noise like an asthmatic teakettle as she tried to not shriek with delight and deafen Kaname as well, rolling onto her back and kicking her legs in the air with excitement.

“-He wants it to be a surprise though, and Lisa is always going through his bag for his water bottle or whatever at kendo practice and she will notice if his schedule changes, so I need to duck out during lunch today and pick up the ring for him to propose with on Friday.” Kaname elaborated.

“A conspiracy!” Mashiro balled her fists with excitement. “When? Where? Can I come?”

“You got an invitation to Captain Kyoraku’s next moon-viewing party, right?”  Kaname asked and she nodded.  “It’s then.”

“EEEK!” Mashiro giggled with delight. 

“What’re you two giggling about?” Kensei grunted from the doorway, still sweaty from training. 

“It’s a SECRET!” Mashiro glared imperiously, sweeping the snack wrappers out of sight off the desk as Kaname sat up with a small grunt of pain and bowed his head in salute.

“Whatever.” Kensei rolled his eyes. “Tousen. Read your report on the dodgy census statistics and possible disappearances in West 66 and I think you’re right.  Something stinks on ice out there.”

Kaname gasped sharply with relief and bowed his head in gratitude. “Thank you, Sir.”

“I gotta attend a captain’s meeting this afternoon because Urahara has some harebrained new project to show and tell-” Kensei continued, glaring at his battered fingertips where he’d caught a bokto the wrong way during training. “-Saw that Maegawa is gonna be in East 36 and Fukuda’s on maternity leave, so I’m sending every seated officer from you to 15th seat Shizawa out there to investigate and deal with it.  You all need to be at the Kido Corps for teleportation at three. Mashiro, don’t burn the place down.”

“OH COME ON!” Mashiro shouted with disappointment. 

“HEY! No backtalk!  I know you wanna go but someone’s gotta hold the fort-” Kensei glared down at her. 

“It’s not me!  Kaname has to- I mean-” She sputtered, abruptly remembering his request for secrecy.

“It’s alright!” Kaname tried to smile but ended up grimacing at her as he got up. “I’ll just go get it now and it’ll be in my pocket when I get back!” 

Mashiro glared at him for a moment, but sat back down. “Okay. I guess.” She pouted. 

“Get what?” Asked Kensei. 

“A surprise for Captain Kyoraku’s moon-veiwing party!” Kaname grinned at him as he collected his belongings into his satchel by touch.

Kensei pondered that for a long moment, glaring at Kaname. “...How’d you score an invite?”

“Captain Aikawa invited me along.” Kaname explained over Mashiro’s offended scoff. “We were roommates when we were at the academy and he has very kindly kept inviting me along to things despite my not really being able to keep up with him anymore.” 

Kensei regarded him a moment longer. “Huh.” he eventually decided. “Well, see you when you get back from the investigation.” He waved, dismissing Tousen.

“Thank you Sir.  Lieutenant Kuna.” Kaname bowed before jogging off. 

“See you later Kaname-kun!” Mashiro called after him.

“-Even if he won’t technically see yo- OW!” Kensei yelped as Mashiro clipped him sharply under the ear. 

“Why are you so MEAN to him!?” Mashiro glared up at her captain as he rubbed his jaw. 

“I’m not mean! I’m just- it’s just office banter!” Kensei growled back. “I can just not like a guy and still be colleagues with him, okay?”

“No, apparently you can’t!” Mashiro “You’ve been really hard on him and getting on his case and teasing him since day one!”

“-More like day thirty-two, he missed the first six weeks of his appointment.” Kensei grumbled.

“That was literally FIFTY years ago and he was in the HOSPITAL. BECAUSE HE NEARLY DIED!”  She bellowed, probably loud enough for Kaname to hear in the street but it didn’t matter. “Yeah, it sucked, but it wasn’t his fault! I don’t get why you were mad at him back then, and I really don’t get why you’re still mad about it NOW!”

“I’M NOT MAD ABOUT THAT, I JUST-” Kensei bellowed back but then stopped, hand over his mouth. “...He keeps secrets.”

Mashiro stared at him blankly for a moment, face slowly collapsing from bewilderment into disgust. “OH. MY GOD. You’re the one always going on about operational security!  He’s just careful- all the details are in his summarial reports, if you ever read them…”

“I do!” Kensei barked. “And they’re-  I mean, All the information he’s required to fill out is there, and then some.” He sputtered, deflating. 

Mashiro leaned in close, eyebrow cocked at him. 

“...But I keep getting this feeling it’s not the whole picture.” Kensei muttered. 

“Ugh!” Mashiro shouted, throwing her hands up and turning away. “So you don’t like him because you have bad reading comprehension?”

“Shut up! I don’t- there’s just something off about that guy! He’s always taking weird days off-” Kensei started, ticking off a list on his fingers. 

“You mean the sick days from his spinal infection?” Mashiro glared, arms folded across her chest.

Kensei continued to count his grievances “-and taking secret calls in weird corners-!”

“You mean privately scheduling his medical treatment? For his spinal infection?” Mashiro continued to glare.

“-And getting him to go to the fifth or third division is like pulling teeth! What the hell is up with that?” Kensei demanded.

“You mean the divisions that have A) Lieutenant Iba, the woman who has a weird horoscope-based personal grudge against him-” Mashiro asked, mimicking Kensei’s earlier counting, “-and B) Lieutenant Aizen, who also keeps forgetting he has a spinal injury and slaps Kaname across the shoulders every time they meet?  Yeah, I don’t blame him for wanting to avoid two of the most annoying people in the whole court guard!”

“Whatever.” Kensei waved her off. “I’m still right. There’s something off with him. Now get that roster updated and posted!”

“Yes, sir.” Mashiro groaned, rolling her eyes at him and stomping back to Kaname’s office for the Roster.

***

Kaname hadn’t felt this light in years. 

Oh god.

Oh, GOD!

Please, please, please please let this be happening?

He sprinted down the road, back towards the apartment that he and Sajin shared, the small box with Love’s ring in his chest pocket.  He allowed himself an ounce of elation- After all, I am just a young man who has picked up the engagement ring of one of his best friends!  It is exactly what anyone would expect to see-

That was the tricky part of The Curse. 

He couldn’t talk about it, like many curses, but it had the added complication that anyone who looked at him- or listened to him, or put their hands on him, or- 

Well, they’d only find what they expected to find. 

Certainly not a curse. 

But curses cut both ways- The broader and less specific a command for someone bearing a curse was, the harder it was to enforce, and it was harder to come up with a command broader and more open to interpretation than “Help Me Kill God”. So as long as Kaname could argue to the curse that an action did “help” some aspect of Aizen’s plans, he could be inefficient, neglect to mention something important, do an assigned task sloppily, fail to cover his tracks and so on-  Sometimes Other times, the curse would take effect and cripple him until he relented and obeyed Aizen’s command again. Or at least, managed to convince Aizen he was doing what Aizen wanted. 

Aizen hadn’t quite realized it, but he was also subject to his own illusions, and there was a gap- a mirror image, if Kaname understood mirrors correctly- so long as he appeared as Aizen expected, Aizen wouldn’t notice him sabotaging Aizen’s machinations. So for the last three years, Kaname had done his best to appear tired and overworked and failing from exhaustion rather than malice, or like he was starting to agree with Aizen, which is exactly what the narcissist expected after fifty years of mental, physical and spiritual torture. 

It was finally  paying off. 

He’d managed to make the kidnappings Aizen and Gin had been conducting on the villagers of West 56 appear by conducting a census that showed the discrepancy of expected versus actual population.  -And made sure the increased hollow activity in the area from Aizen’s experiments showed up in the 10th Division’s monitoring statistics. - And the weird waves of reiatsu visible on the 12th’s monitoring equipment- not what people expected to see, but by keeping all the evidence noticed by unrelated parties, he kept it out of the scope of Aizen’s Illusions. 

Kyoga Suigetsu took a lot of energy to operate, and Tousen was pretty sure Aizen could only passively fool about 150 at a time- he chose mostly his own division and people he saw daily, like his neighbors and cross-division colleagues, and could only actively alter the reality of maybe 20 people at once- the other captains and a few key would-be witnesses.   So a rural census-taker, and two members at the bottom ranks of other divisions weren’t actively subject to the illusion. 

He had to do it on faith, that someone would notice-

Kaname felt like he’d been holding his breath for weeks now, doing his best to tell Aizen and the constantly-itching nails in his spine that this was a Perfectly Normal Database Cross-referencing project- very boring, but it will be missed if it’s not done, Lord Aizen- and nothing to draw attention to the horrible Laboratory…

…By some miracle, Mugurama had read the report, understood and believed it- Kensei had a naturally suspicious mind, so Kaname made sure the report was full of “It's entirely possible this is all a weird coincidence!” to make him suspicious.  The curse only showed people what they expected to see, and for once, Kensei’s natural pessimistic expectations allowed him to see the truth. 

24 hours.  That’s all I have left.

The only people in the Ninth Aizen had under his Active Influence were Kensei and Mashiro, so he wouldn’t be able to hide the nature of the laboratory from the investigation team without dropping the Active Illusion on someone else and risk discovery- and so long as Aizen didn’t find out about the expedition, he wouldn’t know to make that shift in time.

24 hours. I only need to keep Aizen distracted for 24 hours. 

In Aizen’s personal quarters, The Distraction Apparatus waited.

Aizen was mistaken to force Kaname to do his lab work for him- Kaname understood it better than him now, and had pulled aside a little trick to confuse him. The Hogyoku bonded with its user, almost like a zanpaktou, and communicated with them- it purred when Aizen fed it, and whined when it was hungry.  Aizen knew about Suzumushi’s Bankai- he’d insisted Kaname develop it under his supervision, so he would know of all Kaname���s abilities.  But he only knew it from the inside, and hadn’t realized that not only was anyone inside blind, deaf and without any form of sensory input, neither could anyone on the outside sense anyone within. It was worth it to break Suzumushi like that. It was actually her idea, to break the guard of his Zanpaktou and separate the ring from it.  That’s where the Bankai was stored, and with a hell of a lot of practice, he’d learned to cast it remotely.

It had been months before he had an opportunity-  Kaname would never forgive what had been done to that poor angel, but during one of the The Sessions where Aizen was using the Hogyoku to change the angel, Kaname was able to get ahold of the little Illusion box Aizen kept the infernal device in, Secure Suzumushi’s ring to the floor, disguise the tampering with a false floor, and return the box to it’s place without Aizen’s notice. The Ring had been waiting there for months.

24 hours, and the secret will be out. 

He’d memorized Aizen’s schedule- in 22 minutes Aizen would be entering the reiatsu-locked laboratory of the 12th with his own Captain Shinji for Kisuke’s Demonstration, and would not be able to feel Kaname activate his Bankai. When he came back out, it would seem like the Hogyoku had vanished. And for all Aizen would be able to tell, it had- he wouldn’t be able to perceive the Hogyoku or it’s illusion box until Kaname released his Bankai. 

So for now, Kaname acted exactly like Aizen would expect him to act- a little tired, a lot in pain, but elated that two of his best friends were getting engaged, and that he’d be able to help. That was a natural source of excitement, and definitely not any kind of counter conspiracy-

Kaname jogged down the stairs to the apartment, ring box in his pocket, heart hammering, hands shaking a bit as he took out the keys to unlock his door, grabbed the knob that was not there and was suddenly off balance and falling- Into something soft and steady that carefully picked him up like a child’s doll and set him back on his feet, gently taking his hands.

“Are you alright?” Sajin asked, soft, deep voice tinged with concern. “My apologies, I was just trying to do some house cleaning while the weather is mild and had the door open for ventilation.”

“Y- yeah! I’m. I’m alright. Just- distracted. I’ve had some good news!”  He grinned up at his friend. 

“Oh?” Sajin asked, tugging lightly at Kaname’s fingertips to indicate he should step inside.  “Mind your way, I have all the chairs out in the living room so I can sweep.”

They had been living in this garden-level apartment for the forty years since Sajin had followed Kaname into the court guard, and under the same roof at the Akaido City Library for many years before that, and their domestic arrangements settled into a comfortable and comforting routine- Kaname was incapable of seeing grime, so Sajin did the housekeeping, and Sajin would eat raw, expired meat if left unattended, so Kaname did the cooking and shopping. 

Kaname followed his lead, hand reflexively on Sajin’s instinctively proffered arm to keep balance while he unbuckled and took off his boots- the gestures of proximal intimacy had calcified into a secret language between them.

“Thanks-” Kaname stood up and stepped in with a guiding hand on the wall. He could normally navigate the apartment by memory alone. “-I’m only here for a few minutes, I’ve also got a deployment I need to pack for.”

“Deployment?” Sajin asked, following after him, voice slightly muffled from the cloth mask he wore over his face- at least when the door was open.  Being mostly underground had it’s advantages- Kaname didn’t need much light and Sajin possessed almost superhuman darkvision, and the small, high windows that were obscured by bushes gave them enough Privacy that Sajin could relax and keep his face bare at home. 

24 hours.  

Maybe. Maybe when it all came out, and the dust settled--Assuming they don’t hang me alongside Aizen, which was a big If--But once it was all said and done and I still draw breath- Maybe I will have the courage to ask Sajin what it is he feels he needs to hide.Surely, he is far too gentle to be half so monstrous as he claims.

“Kaname?”  Sajin prompted, and Kaname realized he’d been silent for nearly a minute. “S-sorry. I just. Captain Muguruma finally read my report on West 66 and ordered and immediate investigation, so I have to be at the Kido corps by three-” “Kaname.” “Ah, No don’t worry,  I’ll get dinner prepared so you only have to put it under the broiler, and There’s um-” “Kaname.” 

“-I’ll be back by Friday for Love and Lisa’s- Right- Here, I need you to-”  He sputtered, dozens of ideas baying for his attention at once, patting his chest for the ring box- “Kaname!” Sajin snapped, and his giant hands were on Kaname’s shoulders again, turning him around in place to face his friend, gloved hand suddenly under his chin, holding his face up for Sajin to glare at. “...When was the last time you slept?”

“I’m fine!” Kaname tried to jerk back, laughing defensively. 

“You’ve gone to bed after me and gotten up before me, if you went to bed at all for at least a week, and I’m doing maximum overtime. You don't have bags so much as matched luggage under your eyes and can’t finish a sentence coherently.  You’re not touching anything in the kitchen.” Sajin rattled off, giving Kaname’s chin a light shake. “...it’s not yet eleven, and the Kido Corps is less than ten minutes from here. I’ll see to your packing. Lie down. Please.”  

Kaname sighed, shoulders slumping. “Sajin, I- I need to-”

“You need. To sleep.” Sajin rumbled, no room in his voice for argument.

Kaname panted for a moment, realizing that if Sajin wasn’t holding him in place he’d be swaying with exhaustion. 

24 hours.

…I can spend one or two of them resting. 

If I don’t manage to prove my innocence, I’ll want to have at least this to think about on the gallows.

“...Stay with me until I fall asleep?” Kaname asked, voice soft. “It’s just. It’s been a lot.” “Of course.” Sajin hummed, rubbing his cheek. “I also need to, ah- use facilities, first.” he grimaced, and Sajin let him go. 

“I’m coming in after you if I think you’ve passed out on the floor.” Sajin threatened. 

“That happened ONE TIME-!” Kaname protested, following the wall to the bathroom.

Once inside, he checked the time again. 

If the meeting had stuck to schedule, they should be inside the 12th’s labs now.  

Kaname sent Aizen a test message to his Soul Pager. 

> Mandatory Status Report: Muguruma handed me a sudden assignment. Won’t be back until Friday.

If he was outside the Reiatsu-locked lab, that missive would have Aizen furiously calling him in under five minutes. He timed it, relieving himself and washing his hands as he waited-

Nothing.

“Here goes…” he muttered, hoping the sound of the bathroom fan and the running water would cover his voice. He focused, feeling the silver ring start to rotate in his mind, the way it multiplied and stretched, the rings dancing a circle on that which needed to be concealed-

“-Bankai.” He whispered, skin tingling- 

-And suddenly he was keenly aware of the hogyoku and it’s illusion box, as though he were holding it, both wholly contained and hidden by his Bankai.  

It is done The distraction is set. In a few hours, all will be revealed to the rest of the court guard. There. All I need  to do now was follow the assignment like I was told and investigate the- the-

-He suddenly he felt the Bankai’s draw on his power and he collapsed over the sink, retching and knees shaking with how weak he felt. The skin on the back of his neck prickled and almost tasted like vinegar in the back of his mind,  high-pitched ringing between his ears. 

The nails sizzled ominously but there was no power behind it- It’s alright- I can- I can deal with this. Just breathe, come on dumbass, you just need to keep breathing for another 24 hours.

“Kaname? Sajin called.

“Nothing broke!” Kaname called back, forcing himself to his feet and stumbling back against the wall.  He tested the Bankai again- It holds. Very convenient of you Suzumushi, that I only need to cast and feed it, rather than concentrate…

Suzumushi chriped distractedly, her focus on maintaining the Bankai. With her concentration, the illusion would hold even as he slept. Cold water on his face and neck, trying to make himself vaguely presentable and the room stop spinning as he stumbled out- oh, Sajin is right here, how thoughtful of him…

“It’s alright, just follow me…” Sajin soothed, guiding him along to the Thick Futon and large collection of pillows they used as a couch- nothing with legs would bear Sajin’s weight for long. He allowed Sajin to pull him down, settling beside Kaname until he was wedged between Sajin’s giant body and the collection of cushions, head on his friend’s chest, listening to his heartbeat- A little slower than mine, and steady- always so steady- so- 

Kaname was asleep before he completed the thought. 

---

Scene two: 23 hours later

“It’s just up this way Mister Shinigami!”  The boy said, his hot little hand pulling Kaname along. 

They’d gotten to West 66 and Kaname had realized he’d been wrong to worry about looking like he already knew the way to the Laboratory- Iruka Village had taken some fairly extreme defensive measures against the kidnappings since the last time he’d been forced out here- Barricades errected, bridges taken out, and even the road torn up and replanted to hide the route to the village. Kaname was entirely turned around before they even set foot in the Village and started asking the peasants if there was anything unusual nearby.

Fortunately for the expediency of the investigation, one Young Shuuhei Hisagi was extremely eager to help, giving them a detailed accounting of the strange activities at the old foundry, where someone had turned one of the kiln’s back on and there was “An ‘lectric” generator and it smelled a lot like someone was cooking rancid pork but he’d never seen anybody there, even when he went into the basement because he wasn’t ascared of it, weird that there’s a basement, nobody makes basements here as it’s a swamp-

Kaname felt his skin go cold when he realized the boy had somehow gotten inside and made notes and even poked some of the machinery, but given he hadn’t tried to actually chew Kaname’s arm off as he lead the Ninth Division Investigation team to the Lab, he was probably uncontaminated…

“There’s a hill an’ it’s on the other side- mind the branch.” Young Shuuhei was one of the great tragedies of the poor parts of the Rukongai- whip-smart and observant and thoughtful, but illiterate from the lack of teachers, and likely destined for an early grave if the statistical average lifespan out here held true.  His Reiryoku shimmered at the edges- with a little training and a better diet he might even make for a good Shinigami. 

Maybe if I live through this I can get him a scholarship.  Kaname mused, trying to think about literally anything but the nauseating familiarity of the smell creeping over the hill. 

“Mr. Hisagi?” he asked in the polite voice he’d cultivated as the Head Librarian to indicate to children he was taking them very seriously.

The Boy snapped to attention. “Sir?”

“Thank you for leading us here, but I absolutely cannot allow you any closer. It’s extremely dangerous here-”  he started to explain.

“I been in before! An’ the door’s trickylike you gotta pull the handle up and in and rattle it to get in and then prop somethin’ in the gap or it locks back behind you-”  Shuuhei explained, gesturing  like Kaname could see him demonstrating. 

“-And you were lucky to get out in one piece! I also need you to do a very important job.”  Kaname sighed, familiar with this kind of kid- slightly too bright and kind-hearted for his own good, but reliable at a task- “-I can hear that some of your friends have followed us from the village.  They’re about a quarter mile behind us-”

“Dangit Suichi-!” Shuuhei muttered under his breath. “-Yeah that’s probably my little brother and his friends. You want me to go chase him back home?”

“Precisely. Also, tell everyone to get indoors and stay put until they get an all-clear.  Just in case something goes wrong, I need everyone to stay safe until re-enforcements arrive.  So go get everyone back home and inside, alright?” “Yessir!” Shuuhei snapped a salute and Kaname heard some of the other Shinigami giggle behind him.

“I’m glad I can rely on you.” He nodded, and shooed Shuuhei down the road. The boy took off, hollering for his brother.

“I didn’t know you were so good with kids.” Laughed Sixth Seat Todo Izaemon. “Cute little thing too-”

“Being in charge of the West 51 Children’s Intensive Literacy School teaches you how to get along with them.”  He shrugged. “Alright, I can’t sense anything, but that doesn’t mean danger is not present.  Even numbered seats- go west and approach from the north. Odd numbers, we go east and approach from the south.”

“Sir!” Izaemon nodded, the next ranked officer. 

Kaname approached the building at a crouch, straining to hear- the brief nap Sajin had insisted on and six-pack of illicitly acquired 4th Division “Stamina Supplements” were doing what they could for him, but everything  hurt and Suzumushi’s Bankai was even more draining than he’d anticipated and he could barely sense more than a few feet around him. But he found the door- Shuuhei was right, the Handle was starting to go out of alignment- Up and in, right? Yeah- and when nothing behind it exploded, he cautiously stepped in. 

“Nobody ran out our side Sir!” Izaemon called and Kaname acknowledged him with a nod. 

“What the hell IS this place?” Seventh-seat Akishita asked, looking around the room.  This was the main floor of the laboratory, where the bulk of Aizen’s butchery was done- the whole place reeked of rotting flesh and sulfur- byproducts of the ‘Hollowfication Process’, and Kaname very nearly tripped on a groove gashed into the floor that hadn’t been there last time. 

“That looks like an office or control room up there-” Kaname said, pointing to the partial second story that took up the west third of the building that he REALLY hoped was still there. “-Akishita, with me. Lets see if there’s a schematic or something.”

“Sir!” She agreed. 

Oh good, it is still there. He thought, trying to not pant with pain- oh god, his eyes were burning and spine felt like it was actively dissolving he was so TIRED- He touched his watch, checking the time again. 

24 minutes.  Come on, just a little more-

He got to the door at the top of the stairs, Akishita behind him. 

“Are you alright Sir?”  She asked.

“What?” He jerked towards her. 

“You seem… really off today.”  She frowned. He could sense the shape of her this close, and the way her hand on the hilt of her Zanpaktou. Maybe just resting, maybe not. 

“I- I haven’t been sleeping well. Nightmares.” He gulped. That was actually entirely true.  Still the nails sizzled louder and he winced. “-I -I might need to put in for sick leave when we get back.”

“You really should.  You look awful.”  She nodded, hand off the hilt. 

Kaname nodded, and carefully opened the door into the control room. He felt Akishita turn, making sure nothing unexpected followed them as he stepped in- no traps, but a strange sort of coldness- not a draft, like a there was a block of ice in here-

The door slammed shut behind him. 

“Heya Goggles!” a boy’s voice drawled behind him. 

-Or a snake. 

Kaname froze, skin going cold as Akishita called for him from the other side of the door.

“Gin?” He asked, trying to keep his voice even.

“She’s right, you look like shit!” the boy laughed, activating a Kido seal that barricaded them in the room.  “-Boss sent me to talk to you because the CRAZIEST thing happened at the Captain’s meeting this morning!”

“-Please tell me Urahara’s latest crime against nature maimed him?  I could use some good news.”  Kaname groaned, complaining like usual, like nothing was wrong. There was more shouting from the main floor. He braced himself, feet under his shoulders, feeling Gin’s aura twist as he decided on an angle to strike from.

“Oh nah, Aizen-sama is wrapping things up and planting evidence over at the 12th right now, that’s why I’m here!” Gin laughed. “No, Your Boss Muguruma stopped everyone before Urahara’s demonstration to tell everyone about this report you submitted sayin’ several hundred people had vanished in West 66!  The other haoris were all horrified, I tell ya- Captain Hirako just about shit bricks!  Hollerin’ Aizen-sama’s ear off about it the whole way back to the fifth!”

Kaname gripped Suzumushi’s hilt.

“Oh now don’t be unfriendly!  I even got somethin’ for ya!” Gin laughed, and tossed something his way. Knowing better than to catch anything he threw, Kaname waited for it to hit the floor-

PING!

-Stomach turning over as he recognized the metallic chime of Suzumishi’s ring. 

“Neat trick by the way- Aizen must have spent ten hours turning over the fifth looking for the Hogyoku!!” Gin laughed. “-He didn’t actually find it neither, if it’s any consolation. But he has me, and I got…Abilities.” The boy leered as Kaname Swiped the ring from the ground- Suzumushi had been strangely quiet, and only now did he realize that at some point the sensory illusion of his Bankai had been reversed. Louder yelling from the main floor and the sound of Akishita preparing a Hakudo Kido to blow the door in on the other side. 

“-Shit.”  Kaname growled, reconnecting the ring to the hilt, Suzumushi whimpering in pain. 

“Madder than a mosquito in a mannequin factory he is!” Gin chuckled, then surged forward. Even on a good day, Gin was nearly impossible to block and tonight-

“-Sorry goggles, but I got orders. Rikujokoru!” he hissed fingertips on kaname's sternum, and Kanane was slammed to the ground, six beams of Kido energy hitting his middle, paralyzing him completely. “Aizen-sama says if you can get outta this and get home you can live, but if I’m honest, I don’t really like your odds-” Gin explained, walking over to the control panel and flicking it on, the machines whirring to life and something rumbling beneath them. 

…Basement. Kaname realized. The boy said there was a basement- there wasn’t one last time?

There was a loud hissing as vents opened and gas streamed out of the floor into the main room, the sickening scent of rotting fruit comingled with melting plastic- The Hollowfication Compound? It’s a gas now!?

The shouting turned to screaming.

Oh God.

The screaming turned to roaring. 

Oh god, no. Please-

“- 'Specially not now.” Gin leered, patting him on the shoulder as he turned to leave. “Bye-Bye!  See you tomorrow-! …Maybe.”

Kaname could hear Gin leaving out the small fire window up at the roofline and he struggled, concentrating his reiatsu in his mouth to speak the counterspell- “-Horses of wind and gale, river of thread- 

-Akishita screamed in the hall, and there was the terrible wet sound of tearing flesh and breaking bones-

“- By Shadow and storm, unbind me!” He hissed, and the spell dissipated with the loud sound of shattering glass. Kaname scrambled to his feet, standing up in time to feel the gaze of ten newly-turned hollows fall upon him. His watch pulsed against his wrist, the timer for 24 hours Going off. 

“Well. I did say it would be over one way or another, didn’t I?” He grimaced, drawing Suzumushi as his former colleagues charged the plate glass that separated them. 

---

Part two approximately whenever I finish it :)

[moviestarmartini]

Since you are open to writing about Brahim 🤭imagine Jude being a third wheel and always hanging out with you and Brahim, like the guy is never at his house 😭😭

three, that's the magic number! - brahim diaz x reader x platonic!jude bellingham

warnings: none, pure fluff. headcanon/bulleted format.

OKAY HE WOULD LOWKEY BE LIKE “i want what these bitches have” BUT LET ME NOT GET AHEAD OF MYSELF HERE 

now playing... the magic number by de la soul

you’d heard of Jude but came to meet him in a dinner Brahim had organized with him and Arda. 

you’d noticed the way Jude stared in awe at the two of you whenever you interacted, even if it was just Brahim taking short glances, his face softer than ever. 

it started off with Brahim asking if you could pick up Jude on the way to training, not wanting the younger man to take a taxi there again 

the way the three of you could start a conversation and flow felt nice, singing along to some songs that Brahim had queued.

Jude often asked what the songs said, or what a word either of you said meant. you found endearing how he was really trying with spanish

Jude then started getting dropped off at your shared place to be driven to training by you two— getting all pouty when Brahim was the one driving, not you.  

“Is this what abandonment feels like?” He would joke, but still wished you the best on your way out to work. 

then it was the fact Brahim took it upon himself to teach the englishman the do’s-and-don’ts of Madrid. 

you took Jude everywhere, all your favorite spots, doing your best to avoid large crowds to not draw attention to yourselves. 

“You’re in luck, she’s the best tour guide ever.” Brahim bragged about you to Jude, as he did to anyone who would listen.  

he was just so so proud of every you know and done, he can’t help himself. 

you knew a lot about the historic places you saw even when just passing by car, telling Jude every detail and fun fact you had in store in that brain of yours.

he listened attentively, also noticing the way Brahim would look at you with the tiniest smile behind his lips.  

“See? I’ve got myself the smartest cookie. Eres la más inteligente de todo España, mi habibati.” Brahim would coo after you were done explaining, reaching to cup your face and stroke your cheekbone with his thumb as you nodded slowly, cheeks flushed. 

soon, however, candid pictures of you hanging out were released to the public. 

the reactions varied from people adoring the pair you and Brahim made and how tall Jude was compared to the two of you but always followed behind as if he was your child. 

by that point he’d already taken your flat as his favorite hang out spot, more often than not you found Jude playing FIFA or board games with Brahim after coming home from work.

“Get a room.” Jude would complain at your cuddling and kissing, Brahim brushing the spiky facial hair against the length of your neck only to hear the giggles that made his chest swell 

“Jude, you’re the one who’s in our room.” you deadpanned with a yawn, the two men bursting down in laughter. 

but at the end of the day, he felt like another member of your family— just like abi Arda did, but that’s a story for another day. 

and you were so glad Brahim could reintegrate back into the team flawlessly. 

at one of the games you sat in the VIP balcony at the bernabeú with a good chunk of the players— all out on injuries, including Jude, who went straight to you as he noticed you walk in. 

you two commented on the game as if that was your actual job, feeling every second and emotion. 

you also noticed how Jude looked at you every time you celebrated Brahim doing things right— it could only be described as admiration.

 Jude had to leave when the game was itching its end, having to stand with the other injured players, leaving you with Denise.  

you introduced yourself quickly, and you noticed how she perked up. 

“Lovely to meet you, but can you give me my son back? Or do I need to pull out some adoption papers for you two?” she laughed, soon telling you how much he talked about both you and Brahim, and the relationship you shared. 

you couldn't help but laugh, "Really? I think I have a pen in my purse, hold on–" you joked, but feeling proud... why? because everyone could clearly see how much you loved Brahim.

and they could also see, clear as day, how much he loved you too.

[holdmytesseract]

To both loki AU'S how are the kidss

Also if you can a fluff fic with tom (or any of his characters I'll leave it up to you :)) taking care of fem! Reader cuz she has exams and she's stressed out of her mind and isn't really taking care of her self and then he helps he study or smthn maybe cuddles idk

(My exams are starting soo ye-)

Examination Stress

Tom Hiddleston x fem!Reader

Warnings: fluff! stress?

Word Count: blurb

a/n: Here we are, friend! Your lil' story! 🥰 I really hope you like it and... Good luck with your exams! 🤗

Day 4 of the Campfire Sleepover! 🏕

"Darling, can you help me for a second?" You heard Tom's voice calling out to you from the living room. "Now?" You called back; sitting criss-crossed on your shared, brand new bed. "What do you need?" "A helping hand!" "Okay, but now?" "Unfortunately, yes!"

You sighed and moved to stand up; quickly making your way down the hall to the living room.

Not even a month ago, you and Tom had decided to move in together and therefore bought your very own little house in London. Something sweet and cosy; just the two of you - and Bobby, of course. And with a new house, new furniture was needed. Therefore, Tom was busy the last weeks with building up some new furniture, while you studied for your final exams at University.

You literally jogged inside the living room; finding your boyfriend laying on the floor underneath the almost built up coffee table. "Okay, baby, what is it?" "Can you, uh, assist me? I kind of underestimated this table..." Another sigh left your lips. "Tommy, can't we do this another day? I really have no time right now. You know that I have to learn for my exams."

Tom didn't have to see your face to tell that you were maximally stressed out. He could hear it in your voice.

"Of course, darling, but don't you think a little break would be good for-" "I can't, Tom," you snapped; feeling the stress and pressure flow through your veins. You didn't have the nerves for this now. "Please make it work alone or wait until another day." Those were your final words as you stomped away; returning to your notes.

Tom sighed as he crawled from beneath the halfway built up coffee table. The handsome Brit got onto his feet; ruffling his short blond hair and adjusting his askew sweatpants. He didn't like this... Your high stress level and panicky demeanour. He didn't like this at all. His next mission now clear... Taking care of you.

Without wasting time, he immediately went to the kitchen to make you and himself a cup of tea. Once that was done, he grabbed your favourites cookies and finally paid the bedroom a visit.

Being the gentleman Tom was, he knocked, even though the door was open. "May I come in?" "Sure," you answered; not even looking up from your notes. Tom walked over and placed the two mugs of piping hot tea and cookies on the nightstand on your bedside. "Can I help you, darling?" "Um, I-I don't know, Tom, I-" Your boyfriend quickly sat down beside you and placed a hand on yours. "Let me help you, please?" His beautiful smile warmed your heart. You couldn't say no, and who knew, perhaps it was a good learning strategy. "Okay."

Tom helped you for over two hours; asking you questions and testing your knowledge. And once both your mugs and the cookies were empty, Tom stood up and stretched his long limbs. "Time for a break, darling. What do you say? Shall we go on a little walk with Bobby?"

You bit your lip; weighing your options. Your conscience screamed at you to keep on learning, but your brain was tired. Worn out.

"I don't know, baby... I should keep on learning..." Tom immediately shook his head. "No, my love. What you need is a break. You've learned for hours today and already the whole past weeks. I know this is a stressful time for you, but please... Don't overdue it. Allow your brain a break. You got this, believe me. You're the smartest woman I know. Trust your abilities."

Tom's words caused the gears to turn in your head. Perhaps he was right... Perhaps you truly needed a break.

Once more you sighed, but finally gave in. "Alright," you said and stood up. "Let's go for a walk." Tom smiled and took your hand.

After a relaxing walk; hand in hand through the Primrose park with your boyfriends sweet Cocker Spaniel, you felt so much better. The fresh air did you good. Tom could feel it as well. Therefore, he didn't let you go straight back to work, oh no... He snuggled up with you on the sofa; just cuddling and kissing.

"Thank you for helping me, baby. And for taking care of me. I needed this." Tom smiled; kissing the tip of your nose. "I know, love - and you are very welcome. I'll always take care of you and make sure you're alright."

You nodded; cuddling closer against his chest. "I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier. I didn't mean that. I am just... so stressed." Tom wrapped both his arms tightly around you. "Don't worry about it, darling. It's already forgiven and forgotten." You smiled; feeling better than ever. Warmth spread throughout your whole body.

"I love you, Tommy." You could feel Tom's lips pressing a kiss against your forehead. "I love you, too, darling."

Tags: @muddyorbsblr @mochie85 @multifandom-worlds @asgards-princess-of-mischief @jennyggggrrr @huntedmusicgardenn @stupidthoughtsinwriting @hisredheadedgoddess28 @fictive-sl0th @loz-3 @javagirl328 @icytrickster17 @jaidenhawke @eleniblue @lou12346789 @lady-rose-moon @km-ffluv @herdetectivetheorist @lokiforever @crimson25 @simping-for-marvel @cakesandtom @vanilla-daydreaming @kimanne723 @lulubelle814 @glitchquake @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @buttercupcookies-blog @november-rayne @mandywholock1980 @lokidbadguy @smolvenger