#who is clearly very anxious and distressed about struggling with it and scared of falling

[foxmulderautism]

every day i log into this site and ponder whether or not im going to write a long mildly over sharing post about the intricacies of grief and death

[nepenthendline]

A Characterisation/Writing Guide - Autism and ADHD

Hi everyone! This post is going to be a guide on how to accurately write characters with Autism and ADHD. I have been so many works where Autism and ADHD have been terribly written - using so many stereotypes and just nonsense that has nothing to do with neurodivergences, so I hope this helps educate writers and give them more confidence to write such characters.

For reference, I have Autism and ADHD, as well as many friends with either, therefore this information is coming directly from a neurodivergent.

This guide will be split into three parts: characterisation in both Autism and ADHD, Autism chracterisation and ADHD characterisation. This being because Autism and ADHD, while two different disorders, do have some overlaps. 

TERMS:

Neurodivergent - describes those differing in mental or neurological function from what is considered typical or normal

Neurotypical - describes those who are considered normal and do not differ in mental or neurological function

NOTE - Not everyone is the same. Everyone is different and will act and feel in different ways, this is simply an overview of how Autism and ADHD typically can be characterised

MUTUAL CHARACTERISATION OF AUTISM AND ADHD:

As mentioned before, both Autism and ADHD do have overlapping traits that can make them look similar at times, although it is important to remember they are two very different disorders. 

Autism and ADHD are NOT mental illnesses or learning disabilities. They are neurological disorders that people are born with, and cannot be treated or cured. Neurodivergents can learn techniques to help manage their difficulties, however. It is important to note that while these are not mental illnesses, it is very common for neurodivergents to have mental illnesses (particularly anxiety or depression) or struggle with learning as a result of their difficulties.

MASKING:

Masking is a technique that neurodivergents develop in order to act or speak in a way that is ‘socially acceptable’ or neurotypical by observing and replicating neurotypicals in different situations. This includes subjects such as not stimming/keeping still, not saying particular things, following social cues, speaking with specific tones at specific times and so on. 

Not every neurodivergent will mask but most do. Everyone does this to a different extent; some mask 24/7 to the point where you would barely be able to recognise any ‘abnormal’ traits, whereas others only mask in more serious or professional situations and let loose around friends or family. It is up to you as the writer to decide how your character will mask, however there tend to be some trends. For example, those with high-function Autism (especially girls) are much better maskers than low-functioning Autism (especially boys).

Masking is exhausting; it takes a lot of effort to, essentially, act as a completely different person for the entire day. This does not mean that neurodivergents are two-faced in any aspect however. Neurodivergents simply tweak their existing personalities to ‘fit in’ with the people or situation. 

Masking in writing:

It is quite difficult to write masking as the person is essentially just acting like ‘normal’. However, there are some things you can include that help demonstrate masking:

 Adapted stims* that are much smaller and undetectable than a person’s usual stims, such as fiddling with their fingers or edge of their sleeve, looking around often or slight movements such as swaying or playing with jewellery they are wearing 

 Speaking more or less than usual and with much more changes in their pitch and tone

Slight cracks in a character’s masking, such as stimming when others aren’t looking, not holding eye-contact when speaking, face or tone falling flat at points

*Stims will be explained in the next section

STIMMING:

Stimming refers to self-stimulating, repetitive behaviours that are done to often calm a person down when in stress, or to show high levels of emotion such as happiness. Both neurodivergents and neurotypicals stim, however there are some difference. 

The most common examples of stims are bouncing your leg when sitting in a chair, clicking your pen repeatedly or tapping on a table, which are things that most people have done at some point. The difference is that neurodivergents have a lot less control over their stims, and they tend to be much ‘bigger’, louder, distracting or harmful. It is also much more difficult for a neurodivergent to stop or ‘hold in’ their stims, causing more stress and agitation. Some people have small stims like fiddling with their hands, others have much bigger stims like waving their arms around, and some have harmful stims such as scratching or banging their head against a wall. 

Stimming in writing:

If you are ever asked to write about how a character would help someone else/a reader with their stimming, please never ever write about the character stopping the other person/reader. This is extremely harmful for the stimming character and projects a view that stimming is bad or ‘naughty’, and many people have faced trauma over being forced to stopped stimming as it is seen as disrespectful or distracting. Stimming is often one of the only ways neurodivergents can clearly express their emotions. If you stop a stim, the person will simply stim in another way. Instead, try these ways:

Stim toys that the character can use, these are often small and discrete, and can allow the character to stim without harmful, loud or large movements

Distracting the character with something else, possibly an activity, something to hold, or audio/visual distractions

Reassure the character that these stims are ok and they are safe to do around other characters

Take notice of the situation the character is in, why are they stimming? Are they anxious? Are they excited? It is better to prevent the situation in the case of stress rather than try and stop the person from stimming, and allow the character to stim when feeling happy

In romantic situations, allowing the character to stim with their partner shows high levels of trust and acceptance, and it is also comforting for the stimming character to often use aspects of their partner to stim, such as playing with their partner’s fingers or hair

Exercise is a great way of helping those who stim often to release pent up energy

Stimmers can trigger other stimmers, so if you have two stimmers in a room together, chances are they will stim together, getting louder and bigger than usual

SENSORY SENSITIVTY:

Both those with Autism and/or ADHD tend to struggle with sensory sensitivity. This describes how people are easily affected by sensory input (sight, sound, taste, touch and smell). Most cases of sensory sensitivity end in distress, fear, panic and overload, however there are some people who feel comforted by high levels of sensory input. When people deal with too much sensory input, they often go into a ‘meltdown’. This is different for everyone, but often includes irritability, panic, shutting themselves off from others, extreme stimming and a feeling of being severely overwhelmed. Some people cannot speak at all during these episodes. while others may shout or make noises. They are often mistaken for tantrums, bad behaviour or just being grumpy. Young people tend to have much more active meltdowns, such as shouting, stimming, running off etc, however older people (especially girls) then to be more quiet, shut off and unable to continue speaking or doing tasks. That being said, everyone is different and anyone can have a different meltdown. 

Sensory sensitivity in writing: 

The best way to describe sensory sensitivity in writing is relating it to pain or panic. Often those with low tolerance to sensory input describe loud noises, for example, as physical pain in their head, or certain materials as making them feel faint or nauseous. 

Sensory sensitivity relates to any sense, so some people may be terrified of certain noises, feel panicked by certain smells or feelings or feel sick/vomit from certain tastes - please understand the severity of this for some people

Neurodivergents often find techniques to help them with this, such as wearing noise cancelling headphones or playing music or audio to distract them

The best way to help someone during a meltdown is to help them out of the situation and leave them to decompress. This might include letting them sit in a dark room for a while, laying in silence or touching an item/smelling something that brings them comfort

Describing a meltdown for a character can often be similarly written like a panic attack, and often meltdowns can lead to panic attacks for some people, such as an increased heart rate, sweating, crying, hyperventilating/heavy breathing etc.

Struggling to write sensory overload? Try and think how you would feel if you had 30 different voices screaming at you at once, with bright lights and super itchy clothing. Really panicked, scared and overwhelmed right? 

Those who are sensitive to sensory input often hear/feel/smell/see things much louder/easier/more extreme than others, so while something may be quiet to one person, it seems really loud to another

HABITS AND COMPLUSIONS

Neurodivergences come with a lot of habits and compulsions, somewhat similar to traits of OCD. These are things such as having to have particular routines, having to carry certain items with them at all times (mine are my BTS water bottle and earphones lol). Without fulfilling these habits, compulsions and comfort items, a person can become extremely stressed, panicked and overloaded. 

Habits and compulsions in writing:

Writing these can go from very subtle to extreme, it could be that someone has to get ready in the morning in a particular order, eat their food in a certain way/order or follow a particular route to get somewhere

The odd thing is that neurodivergents are actually pretty bad at developing habits, a neurodivergent could do the same thing over and over every single day, but completely forget to do it one day and never do it again

When writing for characters, some characters may be able to mask their distress when their habits/compulsions are not fulfilled, however others can not do so at all, but either way this sends the character into feeling of panic and distress

A character may develop certain habits/compulsions for different reasons, it could be from experiences, completely random, comforting senses or familiarity and fear 

For example when walking into my nearest town I have to walk a very specific route on a specific side of the road or I freak out, this is because it’s what I’m used to and I struggle to deal with change

Speaking of change, a character can be written as anxious or irritated when plans are changed

SPECIAL INTERESTS/HYPER-FIXATIONS:

Probably my favourite topic - neurodivergents often develop special interests and hyper-fixations. These relate to specific subjects or activities that a person will learn about or engage in with extreme focus and dedication. Some common examples are trains and butterflies, where a person will learn and memorise  every type of train, or every type of butterfly to exist, and how different trains work or the life cycles of butterflies. This can be of any topic though, as a child my personal special interest was Ancient Egypt and I spent all of my free time learning about the history. As I’ve gotten older, this has changed and my hyper-fixations have been mostly BTS and Haikyuu (with some short ones in between). 

Special interests/hyper-fixations in writing:

Info-dumping! Characters with special interests can often be written with moments of info-dumping, where they will talk about their special interest for a long period of time to someone else. They are often very excited, talk quickly and possibly even seem a little frantic when trying to explain their interest - this is something they have little control over and tend to talk for too long or at inappropriate times 

Stereotypes are often written in special interests, particularly the example I gave about trains - not every neurodivergent likes trains, please be creative when thinking about what special interest your character may have, if they have one at all

A character may have one long-standing special interest that they’ve been learning about for many years, or they can flutter between multiple hyper-fixations in the span of a few days

Hyper-fiaxtions can affect a character in ways such as forgetting to eat or sleep, forgetting to do other commitments or becoming extremely upset, stressed or unmotivated when that interest is no longer doable (such as if a TV series ends)

Some characters may be embarrassed about their interests, whereas others will happily info-dump with no concerns 

FRIENDSHIPS AND RELATIONSHIPS

Both Autism and ADHD can cause difficulties in making and keeping friendships or relationships. This is often due to struggles in communication, forgetting to speak to people, getting bored of social interaction, getting overwhelmed and feeling too ‘different’ from everyone else. Some people, however, can make friends every easily, particularly more extroverted and confident types. Autistics in particular tend to have small groups of friends that they feel truly comfortable with, and may struggle to understand why a person needs other friends/ a large group. This can lead to feelings of ejectment or jealously. A neurodivergent will often struggle to know how a person feels about them without being directly told, and will need frequent reassurance that this feeling is continuous. 

AUTISM CHARACTERISATIONS

Talking too much or very little - about 40% of people with Autism are mute, meaning they cannot speak. Characters could also be selectively mute, meaning they can only speak in situations they are comfortable with, or certain people

Autism is a communication disorder, majorly affecting a person’s ability to communicate and understand socialisation. Here is how to characterise Autism:

NOTE - I have used functioning labels here as, personally, I prefer to use them and is more often used where I am from, however some people prefer not to, please keep this in mind

Speaking out of turn - this is either because they do not understand the social cue of waiting until someone else has finished to talk, or because they will forget what is on their mind if they don’t say it immediately

Taking jokes or words literally - this can cause character’s to become distressed when they do not understand a joke, or end up doing a task that was not meant to happen because they took a conversation literally. This also include having difficulty understanding figures of speech such as ‘it’s raining cats and dogs’

Having difficulty understanding the rules of social interactions - this covers a range of things, from struggling to know what to say when speaking to a cashier at a store, to not knowing what to say in certain situations. An example of this is if someone said ‘hi, my name is ....”, the social cue is to respond with ‘hello, it’s nice to meet you, my name is ...”, however those with Autism tend not to understand this and may reply with something else. In my experiences, I often panic and say ‘thank you’ instead, despite this not being the ‘correct’ reply

Expressing the wrong emotions - Autism makes it very difficult to understand emotions, either from others or expressing them yourself. While others immediately know a smile means someone is happy, this is not something that is easy to understand in Autism. An autistic person may laugh or smile during negative situations, or look upset or mad in happy situations as they are either unaware of how they are carrying their body language, or simply do not know what body language fits with what emotion

Difficulty understanding emotion of others - whether it be verbal or non-verbal, it can be very difficult for those with Autism to understand what others are feeling and can often jump to the wrong conclusions

Using the wrong tone of voice or having a ‘robotic’ tone - For the same reason as the last point, those with Autism tend to either sound robotic at times, or use the wrong tone in the wrong situations, such as sounding angry when they are not, however they are often unaware of this when it happens. This also means they tend to be more blunt and literal in their own speech

Not understanding hints - those with Autism often need to be spoken to very directly as they struggle to understand hints or ‘read between the lines’. This could be anywhere from not understanding hints of romantic feelings, to someone mentioning that the trash is getting too full (as a hint that it needs to be taken out)

Difficulty with focus and following lists - this is an overlap with ADHD however the reasoning is often different, autistic people are often perfectionists, so if you give them a list of things to remember, they will focus so hard on remembering the first thing correctly that they forget the rest. Difficulty to focus is often due to a lack of interest in the topic 

Attention to detail and ‘all or nothing’ - Autistic people are great at paying attention to small details and often focus on that more than the big picture. They are also very ‘all or nothing’ with how they delegate their focus, if they are interested in something they will put their entire energy and focus into it until its perfect, if they aren’t interested? They probably wont do it at all, this often means that some Autistic people struggle academically because they don’t feel interested in the topics, and therefore have no motivation to do the work

Great at following rules and instructions - despite being bad at lists, Autistic people tend to be good at following rules, this is because they are often black and white, literal and easy to understand, they like structure!

Increased skills and abilities - those with autism are often more creative and intelligent in a wide variety of skills that neurotypicals, in fact to be diagnosed with high-functioning autism, you must have a higher-than-average IQ. Unfortunately the stereotype is that Autistics are dumb or stupid - this is not the case at all

Boys vs girls - everyone is different, however boys and girls tend to act very differently. Boys tend to be more extroverted and loud and particularly struggle with understanding emotions or talking in turn. Girls tend to be more introverted, quiet and can mask much better, but struggle more when knowing if it is acceptable to speak

No empathy? - this is what people often relate to Autism, however this is inaccurate. People with Autism can and do feel empathy, however it tends to be slightly different. For example, if a neurotypical told another neurotypical about a bad situation they went through, the other person would often reply with ‘I’m sorry that happened to you, I hope you feel better soon”. A neurodivergent, however, would often reply like this, “something similar happened to me once.....”. This often comes across rude to neurotypicals, however it is much easier for a neurodivergent to relate the person’s feeling to their own experiences, and share comfort by letting the person know they are not alone

Difficulty with eye contact -  good body language often explains that eye contact is key, however this is extremely difficulty for neurodivergents 

Forgetfulness - to be honest I don’t know why this is, autistics are just really forgetful. You need to repeatedly tell them to do something or they wont do it

Planning - autistics often need and enjoy planning their schedule. They find comfort in knowing exactly when, where and how things are happening and with who 

Shyness and introverted? - many autistics will be shy, introverted and struggle with social anxiety, but this is not the case for everyone. A person can be autistic and be super confident, loud and extroverted - it is a stereotype that being autistic makes you shy and quiet

REMEMBER - AUTISM IS A SPECTRUM DISORDER MEANING PEOPLE CAN RANGE FROM MILD TO SEVERE TRAITS, NOT EVERYONE WILL HAVE EVERY SINGLE TRAIT

AUTISM STEREOTYPES:

Everyone likes trains

They are rude and blunt

They are stupid/unintelligent

They cannot understand rules

They cannot feel empathy

They are quiet and shy

They are disruptive 

AD(H)D CHARACTERISATION

ADHD is a condition that affects the focus and attention of a person. Here’s how to characterise someone with ADHD:

Not everyone is hyperactive - firstly, the ‘hyperactive’ part of ADHD doesn’t often mean physically hyperactive, but a person can have ADD where they do not show hyperactive traits

Difficulty focusing - this is much more than just not being able to focus, there are many reasons as to why this is, including getting distracted easily (by external sources or their own thoughts). finding it difficult to understand social interactions, feeling overwhelmed

Hyperfocusing - on the flip side, ADHD can cause people to hyperfocus on certain things, where it takes all their time and energy and they forget to do other things such as eat or sleep

Difficulty with eye contact -  good body language often explains that eye contact is key, however this is extremely difficulty for neurodivergents 

Speaking out of turn - this is either because they do not understand the social cue of waiting until someone else has finished to talk, or because they will forget what is on their mind if they don’t say it immediately

Difficulties controlling emotions and mood swings - this is often comes out in anger and frustration. This can be for various reasons: they are frustrated that they cannot focus like others, a lack of motivation, get easily stressed and insecurity

Restlessness - this is often seen as being always ‘on the go’, they need to be busy at all times doing different activities. In writing this can be shown as excessive talking, fidgeting, getting bored easily or taking risks

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria - this is an emotional response to rejection or criticism which often looks like insecurity and anxiety. This could be real rejection, or perceived rejection, for example someone saying they are too busy to hang out may trigger an emotional response of rejection, low mood and anxiety in someone with ADHD. This can also lead to anger or panic, and causes people to become ‘people pleasers’ or not try at all

Poor organisation - the opposite of Autism where those with ADHD struggle with planning, organising, misplacing items and keeping things tidy. It is difficult to understand priorities, separate relevant and irrelevant information and time management. Those with ADHD often begin tasks and do not finish them due to restlessness, distractions or feeling overwhelmed by the task

Difficulties starting tasks - ADHD can make it very difficult to begin tasks as they feel too overwhelming, difficult or take too much focus. Breaking down tasks into smaller sections can help this a lot

Forgetfullness - out of sight, out of mind is often the case with ADHD, and so things like post-it notes and reminders can help people remember things they need to do

Multiple thoughts at once - neurotypicals tend to only have one thought/idea in their head at a time, however those with ADHD often juggle multiple thoughts which can lead to distraction and frustration

‘All or nothing’ - Those with ADHD tend to be ‘all or nothing’ with how they delegate their focus, if they are interested in something they will put their entire energy and focus into it until its perfect, if they aren’t interested? They probably wont do it at all, this often means that those with ADHD may struggle academically because they don’t feel interested in the topics. Unlike Autism, they tend not to focus well with repetitive  tasks as this lacks simulation

Medication - unlike Autism, ADHD can be helped with stimulant medication that allows them to focus a bit better. This is not a cure as ADHD cannot be cured, however it can be beneficial to some to help manage their struggles

Acting without thinking and being impulsive - to find some stimulation, those with ADHD may act without thinking of their consequences, or can engage in risky behaviour as other avenues may seem boring, please note this is not the case for everyone, and these ‘risks’ may be very mild like trying a new flavour of ice cream. They can act impulsively too and struggle to wait their turn

Communication difficulties - while ADHD is not a communication disorder, it can have affects on communication such as talking out of turn, starting conversations at the wrong times, being insensitive to particular topics or getting too distracted to focus on the conversation

Need reminders to take care of themselves - due to a mix of hyperfocusing and not focusing well, those with ADHD may often forget to do things such as eat, drink, sleep or shower

Quite easy to get their attention - when someone with ADHD is daydreaming, getting distracted or not focusing, it can be as simple as giving them a tap or a smile to bring their attention back to the matter at hand, even if these needs to be done multiple times

Rewarding behaviour - this technique works well as rewarding good behaviour releases dopamine, which is the hormone often lacked in those with ADHD, this allows people to connect activities and behaviours with positive feelings and are more likely to do it again in the future

ADHD STEROTYPES:

ADHD is ‘diet’ Autism

Those with ADHD cannot sit still

They are disruptive

Everyone with ADHD is hyperactive, loud and extroverted

[datawyrms]

Weathering the Storm

Dannymay2020 day 23: Lightning (AO3)

It was odd to see Danny so clearly aggravated when not in class, shoulders hunched and arms crossed as if the world has personally offended him this morning. “I mean it, when I find Johnny I’m shoving his Shadow down his throat for this.”

“It’s just bad luck Danny, it can’t be that much trouble,” Tucker didn’t seem all that concerned about his mood, and it stuck the teacher as rather odd. The Fenton boy was a chronic work dodger and consistently late, but threatening people by name was new. He had dismissed the boy’s brush with destructive tendencies as a one off thing as the behaviour had not continued, but perhaps he had been too hasty. Even if the threat was ultimately nonsensical, the vehemence had sounded quite real.

The boy scowled at his friend, “I got struck by lig-” he broke off mid sentence as his eyes caught sight of Mr. Lancer. Was he afraid that his teacher was overhearing him? He had dropped his arms and somehow slouched more, doing his best to be as small and unnoticeable as possible. Had he done something to cause such fear in his student? He could think of a few incidents that would make the boy dislike him, certainly, but not fear him.

“Hi Mr. Lancer!” Tucker showed no such hesitation, moving as if to block his blue eyed friend from his sightline. “The report isn’t due until next Monday, right?”

“That’s correct Mr. Foley. If you have it completed by Friday I’d be happy to suggest improvements you could make over the weekend,” he answered, not that the boy would do that. He’d extended the offer several times, and the little trio didn’t seem all that interested in actually using it.

“Thanks, just had to check!”

Tucker had been acting as a distraction almost, seeing as Sam and Danny had slunk away as he’d taken up most of Mr. Lancer’s attention. It was odd. Did they really think they had to go to such lengths? Danny’s words had been a little concerning, but not something to think he’d be punished over. He would simply need to keep an eye on them today, if he was unintentionally causing fear he had a duty to correct that. The boy had enough trouble learning as it was.

Mr. Fenton was incredibly jumpy. Usually he’d slump at his desk to the point one could argue the lad did not even possess a spine. Today he seemed almost hyper alert, eyes darting and fingers constantly fiddling with a pencil or paper as the heavy rain battered against the windows. Yet whatever he was on such high alert for, it wasn’t what they were discussing, his answers just as lost and confused as they were when he was half asleep. He was starting to worry it was indeed his presence getting the child so distressed until a booming crack of thunder followed by a blinding flash of lightning from the storm outside painted a very different picture.

He’d practically slammed his head into his desk, hands over his head while looking as stiff as a board. Even when the moment passed the black haired boy was slow to uncurl, only doing so fully after getting some sort of affirmative nod from Tucker or Sam.

When had he gotten such a strong fear of thunderstorms? The last time such a storm had come to Amity Park he had been perfectly fine. Or at least, had not reacted this strongly. If he was struggling to focus because of the storm, he had to do something to help.

“Mr. Fenton, a word please?” he said as Danny attempted to slide out the door at the end of class.

“Yes?” his teeth were gritted, the rest of his body language still reading as terribly stiff, almost like an over-tightened string.

He waited a moment before responding, not wanting to embarrass him by having other students overhear the question. “Is it the sound or the light that bothers you?” Danny wasn’t one to answer questions at the best of times, so being direct was an unfortunate consequence.

“The-what?” His brow furrowed, fingers clenching around the backpack more tightly. He did seem genuinely confused, but it could just be his teenaged pride not wanting to admit he had a phobia.

“I do not wish to embarrass you Mr. Fenton, but your reactions to the thunderstorm outside have been rather noticeable,” the boy squirmed a little on the spot, eyes darting at the door as if wondering if he could make a run for it, “Would studying in a room without windows help with that?”

“I’m not afraid of thunderstorms.” he looked away, hand clutching at his shoulder. The rolling rumble of thunder warning that another bolt was coming made the boy visibly flinch, turning and darting out of the room without being dismissed.

He couldn’t force him to take offered help, but couldn’t understand who Danny thought he was fooling. People who were safely indoors did not usually run from thunderclaps. If he thought his friends would be more forthcoming he would consult with them, but they had proven to be just as stubborn. Still, there was plenty of school day left. The boy might change his mind.

-

“Why does he have to pay attention to me today of all days?” The half ghost moaned, face buried in his palms, lunch untouched.

“I told you not to break his motorcycle.”

“I’m going to shove it in a thermos and bury it next time,” his eyes flared a brilliant green, a helpful elbow from Tucker making him cover his face again.

“Is the bad luck making the flare ups worse?” Sam frowned at the muffled green light, eyes watching the rest of the noisy cafeteria. 

“Sorta?” Danny managed to look up, returning to rubbing at his shoulder. “I got hit by lightning on the way here.”

Tucker winced in sympathy. “Owch.”

“Three times.”

“I’d wonder how you survived that but this is you we’re talking about.” Sam still looked concerned, fiddling with a wristband.

“My ectoplasm just loves it apparently. I don’t think I’ve been this wide awake in months,” he returned to bouncing his leg up and down, as if unable to keep still.

“You gonna eat that?”

He shook his head. “I’m not even close to hungry, go nuts.”

Tucker helped himself to the untouched meal “You feeling okay though? That still had to hurt.”

“Other than feeling like I’ve been chugging coffee all day, yeah.”

“Which is why you keep rubbing at your shoulder. Because you feel fine.” Sam scowled as the half ghost looked at the ceiling.

“I do, really. I can just. Feel the lightning coming and it throbs a bit. It’s more annoying than anything.”

“Creepy. The scars start showing up again?” Tucker leaned closer, eyes narrowing at his friend’s neck.

Danny snorted, batting his friend away. “They’re not green at least. Yet.”

“Maybe you should just put the sweater on now then? Unless you want someone to notice you have scars on your arms that weren’t there this morning.”

“It’s so hot in that thing! It’s in my backpack, don’t worry about it.” he stopped mid shrug, wincing seconds before a flash of lighting.

“Hair.”

The now white haired boy ducked down, muttering crossly as he fumbled with his bag.

“Good thing no one pays attention to the loser squad.” Tucker managed to keep back a laugh by confirming absolutely no one had noticed his friend's sudden dye job.

“No kidding.” Danny groused, reappearing with sweater in hand, hair back to it’s natural black. “If this keeps up I’m going to start falling through things again.”

Sam bit her lip. “Maybe you should just skip?”

“And go where? Outside and get struck some more? No thanks. With my luck I’d get mode locked or something.”

“You could just stay invisible.”

The hybrid considered it, but shook his head. “If I’m stuck here I might as well get credit for it.”

“Well if you start glowing, I don’t have any idea why,” Sam warned, earning a small chuckle from the both of them.

-

Danny’s anxious behaviour only seemed to intensify throughout the day. He stuck close to his two friends as usual, but was never completely still, always moving or jiggling, eyes always darting around as if he had to stay alert from an unknown threat. Just watching him was exhausting. For someone who insisted he was not frightened, he was grabbing on to Sam or Tucker with surprising regularity. The two of them didn’t seem to mind, almost as if they were used to this sort of thing. Strange. By the end of the day the boy was bundled up in some oversized sweater, which only made him look even more pale and stressed out. Perhaps he could suggest private study time for days like this to Jazz, he might listen to his elder sister.

Well, he probably wouldn’t, but not doing anything was giving him that terrible twisting guilt gut that did not care if he couldn’t force help upon people who refused it. He would suggest it tomorrow if this behaviour continued. The final bell was practically a blessing, the school quieting as teacher and student alike filed out into the dreadful weather, colourful umbrellas giving a small reprieve from all the grey. Usually he had to stay longer because of a detention, but the lousy weather seemed to curb any desire to skip out on class. Small blessings. With a folder snugly underarm and umbrella in hand he headed towards the exit closest to his car and froze.

Danny was still here? He could barely make the boy stay in class when it was in session, and here he was lurking near the exit like some sort of frightened cat.

“Mr. Fenton?”

The boy lept in surprise, back slamming against the wall as if he had to escape quickly. Yet he didn’t seem to be holding anything to cause trouble with. Just himself, the beat up backpack, and the sweater he was doing his best to melt into. “Mr. Lancer?” his voice was almost a squeak.

“Are you sure you’re alright? I notice you don’t have an umbrella.” Perhaps sticking to facts and not suggesting the boy was scared could convince him to take some help this time. He practically looked to be on the verge of a panic attack.

“Oh! Yeah! Forgot it, I’m fine.” he sputtered, but the speed of his breathing slowed. He’d been that startled?

“I have a spare if you need it. Do you plan to walk home?”

The pale boy squirmed under his gaze, eyes darting behind him occasionally. “I’m fine. Jazz can give me a ride.”

The teacher looked out the window and frowned. “I don’t see her car Mr. Fenton. Did you forget to ask her to wait?”

He swallowed, apparently not expecting to be caught in his lie. “Must have. It’s okay, she’ll come back.”

Lancer crossed his arms, trying not to sigh. Why did teenagers insist on being so bullheaded? “There’s no reason to force her to come back. I’ll give you a lift.”

Danny looked as if he’d offered to chop his head off rather than provide a dry way home. “No it’s okay! Thanks though. I’m good.”

“Are you too afraid to go outside right now?” The question was blunt, but it was only the two of them, and he wasn’t going to leave a terrified boy alone in a darkened school because he said he was ‘okay’.

“I’m not afraid!” he insisted, grabbing at his shoulder yet again. A tell to his lies? “Really, I’m fine and she’s already coming.”

“Then I suppose I’ll wait with you until she arrives.”

His wince was expected. “Y-you don’t need to do that.”

“Oh but I do Mr. Fenton. I will not leave a student unattended after hours, making sure you leave safely is in my job description.” That, and keeping him from causing trouble in the school unobserved was also part of the job.

“Could you like. Not do your job then? Please?” he slumped at Lancer’s significant stare. “Didn’t think so.”

“Do you plan to wait until the storm passes? It could go on all night Mr. Fenton.” To be so afraid as to not even walk to where a car would be waiting was incredibly severe, and it wasn’t sitting quite right with him. He almost seemed more afraid of being observed than anything. Did his parents discourage showing any kind of fear? No, everyone knew the boy was afraid of ghosts, so it didn’t add up.

“No. I’m just waiting for you to mind your own business.” he muttered into his sweater, arms crossed in his own little act of defiance. 

“Unfortunately for you, your well being is my business while you’re here.”

“Unless Dash is involved, then I’m invisible.”

He could have sworn the boy’s eyes changed for a moment there, amplifying the bitterness in the child’s tone. “I was under the impression he had stopped, as you haven’t brought it up since.”

That got a laugh, though his eyes remained icy. “Nope.”

Too many students and not enough eyes. He couldn’t know everything, though it would explain why he wouldn’t be more open, if he was under the impression he would be ignored. “You can tell me about it now, and I can look into it.”

“No thanks.” he rubbed at the same shoulder, brow creased in what looked to be pain.

Always rejecting help. Well, he’d at least make sure he wasn’t alone until he chose to leave.

It was a good thing he had, too. The latest flash of lighting prompted a grunt from the teenager, who appeared to have tripped over his own feet. So badly that he couldn’t even see the foot that must have twisted, he might have broken something. He managed to catch him before he hit the floor, wondering how the boy felt so cold even when bundled up in the sweater. “‘The Metamorphosis’ Mr Fenton, are you alright?”

“I’m fine!” he squirmed out of his teacher’s outstretched arms, standing easily on a foot he could have sworn must have twisted too far to be uninjured. “I just tripped, sheesh!”

Yet in his speed to be on his own to feet the sweater had shifted, granting Lancer a glimpse of his arms. Angry green scars that seemed to glow with their own light made the boy’s fear of lightning suddenly very understandable.

After all, they knew there had been an accident, but not what it had entailed.

“You were electrocuted, Mr Fenton?”

The boy gulped, hastily hiding the scars as if it was some sort of dirty secret. “I’m fine, really.”

“You don’t have to be fine. ‘Great Expectations’ Danny, it is perfectly understandable to be frightened if you had a serious accident involving electricity.”

The boy blinked at him. “What. You-you’re not weirded out?”

Was he embarrassed because the scars were green? Honestly, teenagers. “I assume whatever accident you were in involved your family’s inventions. Considering I see ghosts every other day, ghostly electricity scars seem almost quaint, Mr Fenton.” Sure, he did question how it had happened, and had some serious concerns about his family’s safety practices, but it was more important to let him know he would not judge him over this little affliction. “I suppose they only show up in weather like this?”

“Mmhm. It’s no big deal, really.”

No big deal he says, while acting like a jackrabbit all day. “It does make your hesitation to go out with lightning striking understandable. However, it would be better if we could get you home. Would bringing the car closer help?”

The boy groaned again, rubbing at his forehead. “Sure. I guess.”

“I’ll be right back then.”

Which he was, pulling the car right to the curb was easy enough. Yet Danny had up and vanished. He probably should have expected that, the boy was incredibly slippery when he wanted to be. He hadn’t spotted him leaving, yet he could spot muddy footprints being washed away by the unyielding rain. Where had he snuck off to? Further pondering was lost to the sound of someone yelling in pain, and it felt uncomfortably familiar. The voice’s owner couldn’t be far, so he gripped his umbrella tight and went to check it out.

“Four times? Whoever said lighting doesn’t strike twice is a dirty liar, and I hate them.” Phantom was muttering furiously at the ground, sparks cracking around his white aura. “Stupid Shadow.”

Well, the ghost was a teenager. At least he seemed to be more annoyed than seriously hurt, the scream had been rather unpleasant. Probably best to leave the ghost alone. He seemed nice enough, but the constant warning from the Fentons did make one a bit wary. If his help was just an act, being alone with him was probably not the safest thing in the world. Yet as the ghost took flight something about him struck him as oddly familiar. Had there been glowing green scars on the ghost’s neck? No, the ghost was always glowing, and the idea was absurd. He must have been mistaken.

[onechicago-upsteadrhekker]

Finally!!!!!! I’m posting another prompt fic❤️ I know it’s taking me a while but I am working through them so I promise, if you requested one, it’s coming!! I really liked coming up with this idea so I hope you enjoy it!

@randers198 requested #67 “Don’t look at me like that.”

*title comes from Sleeping At Last’s song January White*

the future is brighter than any flashback

It had been an hour since Hailey and Jay had been in the damp, empty basement and as far as kidnapping experiences went, this one so far hadn’t been bad. They were both fairly unhurt, the basement floor looked to be somewhat clean and they had been left alone which was nice and frankly, they were getting kind of bored. 

Or at least tired of waiting for something to happen.

It was the most uneventful experience Jay had ever had in being a captive and while he wasn’t knocking that, he had been kicking himself for even getting into this situation in the first place. 

He and Hailey had been undercover with this new up and coming gang. All its members were fairly young and clearly inexperienced but Intelligence had it on good authority that there was a silent leader who was pulling the strings and putting dangerous ideas in their heads so they were trying to figure out who it was.

Everything had been going smoothly and he and Hailey had managed to work themselves into the gang’s group of friends but for reasons unknown to them, things between the boys seemed to grow tense and then apparently one of the boys thought that Hailey was smuggling information to a rival gang. 

And to be fair she had been smuggling information just not to a rival gang. 

One thing led to another and as soon as Jay thought it was getting a little out of hand, he’d jumped in which made the boys even more antsy and then the next thing they knew, they were being forced into a van and then kicked into this windowless basement which was dead bolted from the outside.

Now Jay was fairly confident he could have taken all of their captors, they were really just kids after all, but they’d had guns and they were visibly scared and nervous and Jay hadn’t wanted to risk it with Hailey there. He knew she could hold her own but one of the boys had a gun to her head so Jay wasn’t going to take any chances. He knew they could bide their time and find a better opening to escape or wait for the team to come rescue them.

And so far that was their plan. The gang of boys still had no idea that they were cops which worked to their advantage because they were left untied and unharmed which meant the boys were either stupid or didn’t think they posed a threat or both.

And now they were just waiting.

They sat next to each other on the hard floor, their backs resting against the wall and their shoulders brushing, both of them staring aimlessly at the locked steel door a few feet in front of them.

Hailey let out a sigh, letting her head fall back to rest against the wall, “I can’t believe we got kidnapped by a bunch of teenage boys.”

“Teenage boys with guns,” Jay glanced at her. If it weren’t for the guns they would have never been taken in first place; he and Hailey could have definitely  been able to take them if it weren’t for the jumpy boys with guns.

They sat in silence a few more minuets before Jay lazily motioned to the door, “I mean I guess we could try the door again.”

Hailey drew her legs up to cross in front of her, resting her elbow on one of her knees, “I don’t think it’ll work just like it didn’t work the past ten times we tried it.”

“Yeah but it’s better than just sitting here,” Jay lamented grouchily and Hailey had to refrain at rolling her eyes at his impatience.

“No Jay. We’re gonna sit here and wait for our team.” She played with her shoelaces, propping her head against her hand, “I’m sure they’re close at locating us. The boys couldn’t have been that good at evading them. They don’t even know we’re cops.”

“I hate just sitting and waiting,” He grumbled, looking around, “I mean there’s gotta be something we can do to get us out of here.”

She glanced back at him, sitting up a bit straighter, “Like what? We’ve already swept the basement for bugs and cameras and we’ve checked the door multiple times. There’s else to do.”

Hailey leaned back against the wall, turning her head to look at him, “Look Jay, I wanna get out of here too but you gotta admit, this isn’t half bad for being held against our will. I mean, we’re together, we’re in a somewhat clean basement and I think we’re fairly safe for the time being so I think we should just try and relax and hope our team gets here soon.”

Jay scrunched up his face in displeasure before letting out a big sigh and banging his head lightly against the wall a few times in frustration.

They fell into another bout of silence and Hailey could see Jay rapping his fingers impatiently against his leg from the corner of her eye.

As long as he didn’t start pacing again then she didn’t care.

She knew it bothered him not knowing what was happening outside that door and it bothered her too but she knew how much he really did hate sitting and waiting. He didn’t like feeling powerless and she knew not having a gun with him was making him even more anxious.

She grimaced at the memory of the boys forcing them to give up any weapons they had. 

She knew none of that would have happened if they hadn’t had a gun to her head and she knew that’s why Jay had been complicit and truthful to their demands. 

She would have done the same in his place.

But here they were. Waiting and Hailey was so grateful they didn’t seem to be in serious danger. She knew those boys wouldn’t kill them, they barely had the guts to hurt them. The only real danger here was either their silent boss showing up or one of them getting scared and accidentally pulling the trigger. She just hoped they would be left alone and their team would deal with them.

It was silent for at least half an hour before Hailey piped up again.

“What if we had a baby at home?”

Jay turned his head sharply at her very unexpected question, his eyes going wide. He let out a garbled, “What?”

She wasn’t looking at him, just staring off into space with a troubled look on her face. She picked at some imaginary dirt on the floor, “What if there was a baby waiting for us at home?”

Jay’s heart was beating so hard he thought it might beat right out of his chest and he felt like he could hardly breath as his eyes drifted towards Hailey’s midsection, “Um, Hailey...?”

She seemed to pick up on his distress and she glanced at him, doing a double take at his very pale and stricken face, his eyes trained on her stomach.

Hailey rolled her eyes as she lightly hit him on the arm, pulling a face, “Don’t look at me like that.” When he raised his eyes to meet hers, she gave him another look, “I’m not pregnant if that’s what you’re thinking.”

Jay was still staring at her not sure what to make of this conversation. Of course they had talked about having children in the past but not recently and he wasn’t sure what brought this on. Especially since they were sitting on the floor in a locked up basement.

“But I’m serious,” Her brows were furrowed as she bit her lip, “What if something happened to us? Who would take care of the kids?”

Jay swallowed, trying to formulate a response, “Hailey, honey. We don’t have a baby let alone kids, plural. What brought all of this on?”

“I don’t know,” She shrugged against the wall, “I guess I was just thinking that if we were in this situation and we had a baby waiting for us to come get them but something happened to us, what would happen to the baby?”

He scratched the back of his neck, his head reeling slightly at the emotions he was being bombarded with all of the sudden. Shocked that the question was provoking all these feelings he’d never quite experienced before.

He definitely hadn’t anticipated this conversation when they were forced into this basement.

“Well,” He cleared his throat, “I guess we would have godparents picked out and that’s where uh, he or she would go. My brother or maybe someone on the team.”

Hailey gnawed on her bottom lip, “I guess you’re right.”

Jay turned his head to look at her again, “I mean, we would figure all of this out if you got pregnant.”

She looked deep in thought and Jay paused, trying to figure out how to phrase the question he wanted to ask.

“Do you,” He hesitated, “Do you want to get pregnant?”

Hailey slowly turned her own head to meet his gaze. Her eyes were blazing and he could tell she had been thinking about this. He had no idea that she had been thinking about having kids.

They had talked about it briefly before they got married and some since but it had always been in hypotheticals and vague some days. But this, this felt more concrete. Like Hailey was thinking those ‘vague some days’ were upon him and while Jay had always envisioned having kids, the thought of it actually happening for real made his brain short-circuit and his chest get tight.

“I don’t know Jay,” She seemed to be struggling with her thoughts, “I mean, we both agreed we wanted kids and I just feel like we need to have them sooner rather than later but then things like this happen,” She motioned around the empty basement, “And I wonder if maybe it shouldn’t be in the cards for us because I can’t see either one of us quitting. I don’t want to quit but is it fair to a possible future child for us to go to work knowing that we might not come back?”

Jay, again, wasn’t sure what to say to all of this. He hesitantly put a hand on her thigh, catching her gaze, “We’re going to get out of here, you know that, right?”

She rolled her eyes at that, “Of course I know we’re going to get out of here. The team will be here any minute,” Hailey huffed, “But what if we were in a more dangerous situation. What if one of us, or both of us, had to go undercover with really really bad people or what if you got shot again or something happened to me?”

“Well,” Jay interjected seriously, “First of all, I’m not going to let anything happen to you if I can help it. Second, me getting shot is something that might not be avoidable and thirdly, we would do everything in our power to get back to any children we might have in one piece. But Hailey, we take risks for a living. You know that better than anyone and you know that sometimes we can’t avoid the situations we get into. And sometimes, that means we don’t come home. That one day, one of us might not come home.”

Hailey glanced at him, unsure at where he was headed with this. Maybe a little afraid to know where he was headed with this, “So, what does that mean exactly?”

Jay took a breath. His mind was racing and he’d be lying if he said he’d never thought about the things Hailey was voicing. He’d just never thought that they would actually have this conversation that they kept telling themselves they would have someday. 

But here they were. Locked in a basement talking seriously about a decision that should not be made lightly. Or one that should be made individually; this was something they needed to decide on together but he’d heard the quiet hope in Hailey’s voice even amidst the fears and he knew that deep down, both their hearts were in the same place.

He just needed to give her, and himself, the courage to take the step they had been so hesitant to talk about. Something they had been hesitant to address aloud but something that had been brewing in the back of both of their minds since they got married.

Hailey was still looking at him for an answer so he turned to her with earnest eyes, his hand grabbing hers in reassurance. He swallowed, trying to organize his thoughts into what he wanted to say, “I think it means that we shouldn’t be afraid.”

Tears sprung into Hailey’s eyes and Jay gave her a soft smile, pushing a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear, “Yeah, our jobs have a higher risk factor than most and yeah, one of us could die but should we let that stop us from looking down into the face of a baby that has your eyes and my hair? Should that stop us from missing out on first steps and first words and a life full of joy and wonder that only a child can bring?”

Hailey watched as Jay shook his head, looking somewhat perplexed, almost like he was torn but there was a crooked little smile on his face despite that, “Maybe it’s selfish to bring a child into a world that we know to be so cruel. Especially into our life because it holds so much unpredictability but I think it would be worth it. God, Hailey,” He chuckled, tears in his own eyes, “Think about it. A little girl or a little boy who looked like a perfect mixture of both of us. Something that’s an actual living, breathing, walking, playing, crying, laughing manifestation of our love.”

“And if I died because I did something dumb or some evil dude shot me or hell, because I was in a car accident. Even if I had just known our baby for a day, it would be worth it to see your face in a child we created together.”

Hailey was desperately blinking back tears at his words. The fears were still there and she knew they always would be but hearing Jay talk about a little boy with his eyes and her smile or a little girl with his smile and her eyes. It just solidified the yearning that she had been feeling in her heart for the past few months.

Every time someone would ask her when they were having kids or how many she wanted or when she deposited a little girl or boy back to their crying mother after a burglary or a shooting. It was scary and heart-warming all at the same time and something she found herself wanting even though she knew the dangers.

But Jay was right. Why worry about the things that may never happen and give up a life filled with children? And she knew that if, God forbid, something happened to both of them, there were plenty of people in their lives that would step up to the plate and care for her children as if they were their own.

Hailey met Jay’s eyes, smiling as she squeezed his hand, “You’re right. We shouldn’t sacrifice something that we both want because of things that may or may not come to fruition.”

Before she could say anything else, Jay captured her lips in a sweet but passionate kiss. Long, languid kisses that made her forget everything except how much she loved her husband. They somehow ended up laying on the hard basement floor, one of Jay’s arms cushioning her head as he leaned over her to continue giving her long kisses.

“So that’s it then?” He murmured against her lips, “We’re having a baby?”

Hailey smiled impishly under his kisses, “It would seem so but it could take a while yet so we should probably get started.”

“Right now? On a strange basement’s hard cement floor?” He sounded somewhat incredulous but he moved his lips to her neck.

Hailey rolled her eyes, giving him a slight shove, “No. I meant tonight. After we’re rescued.”

Jay popped his head up from where he was nipping at her collar bone, “Well, then, they’d better hurry.”

“I’m sure they’ll be here any minute,” She smirked down at him.

Almost as soon as she said it, there was a crash and the door to the basement went flying open.

They both tensed up, adrenaline starting to rush into their veins, preparing for a fight but upon seeing Vanessa and Kevin’s forms rushing into the basement, they relaxed back into their somewhat compromising situation.

Vanessa’s eyes widened and a sly smile crept across her face and Hailey and Jay realized they had been so caught up in relief at seeing their friends that they had forgotten the position they were currently in.

“Um, wow. Maybe we should have waited,” Vanessa was full on grinning now, a mischievous sparkle in her eye.

Jay stood up so fast that he was almost dizzy at the blood rushing to his head as he grabbed for Hailey’s hand to help her up.

“We’re here to save you,” Kevin was right on Vanessa’s heels, an amused look on his face. He coughed, gesturing between the floor and where Hailey and Jay were now standing, not touching each other, “I hope y’all weren’t too uncomfortable.”

Even though everyone obviously knew Jay and Hailey were married, the couple tended to refrain from much PDA so it was a little amusing to walk in on them kissing. Especially since they were expecting them to be chained up and maybe in need of an ambulance.

Kim appeared in the doorway, her worried eyes immediately assessing Jay and Hailey, “Are you two okay?”

Jay was about to answer when Vanessa winked at them, turning to Kim, “Oh, I think they’re more than okay.”

Hailey just rolled her eyes while Jay looked a little put out that they had been interrupted. She crossed her arms, giving Vanessa a glare, “Yes, we’re fine no thanks to you. What took you so long?”

She heard Kev mumble something along the lines of “It looked like you were doing just fine without us” to which she did not respond. She also ignored Vanessa’s poorly concealed snickers.

Kim looked a little confused but the relief was clear on her face as she reached for her radio to tell Voight that everything seemed fine.

“Well, thanks for the assist,” Jay nodded to Kev as he slapped him on the upper arm in thanks. He grabbed Hailey’s hand and started tugging her towards the torn open steel door, giving a smile to Kim as he passed her on the steps, “Now if there’s nothing else, we’re really kind of worn out from this whole experience and it’s almost,” He glanced at his watch, “seven o’clock anyway so I think we’re just gonna head home.”

Just then Adam joined them and he opened his mouth to say something to them but Jay slapped him on the back with a smile as he beat him to the punch, “Hey man, thanks for finding us. We’re okay but I think we’re gonna head home.”

Adam stared after them as they disappeared into the house that was attached to the basement.

“Um,” He pointed after the couple as he looked at the rest of his team in confusion, “Did I miss something, here or...?”

Kim shrugged; Vanessa and Kevin laughed.

Approximately nine months later, Ellie Halstead was born and Jay and Hailey were never so grateful for being locked in a basement.

The end!! I know it was probably a little anti-climatic and maybe a little awkward but I just wanted to get it done😂 I feel like I’ve been writing this thing forever! But I hope you enjoyed it anyway. I borrowed some of the lines from a show called ‘Chuck’ that used to be on NBC before it got canceled😭😭😭 so if you watch the show...you know😆😉 I would love it if they ever had Hailey and Jay have a conversation like this in the show but for now, I thought this would be a cute mixture of sweet and funny. I wanted it to be somewhat lighthearted but in a situation where Hailey would feel the need to broach a conversation that had been weighing heavily on her mind—like having children with the dangers of their job. I can’t wait to hear what you thought!!

[thetravelerwrites]

Sorka (Bugbear) Lemon

Rating: Lemon Relationship: Female Human/Male Bugbear Additional Tags: Exophilia, Bugbear, Interspecies Romance, Sex Content Warnings: Babies, Children, Infants, Mention of Birth Words: 4301

A super sweet commission for @floral-and-fine​ based on her monster match featuring the same characters! A single mother returns to work after giving birth to her first child, and uses a professional caregiver service to take care of her daughter while she works. The person they send is not exactly who, or what, she expected. Please reblog and leave feedback!

The Traveler's Masterlist

Despite the difficulties, I really enjoyed my job.

It can be hard for a bugbear to work in childcare, a little because of our imposing physical appearance, but mostly because of the old tales about my kind back when our existence wasn’t widely known to the public, before the secluded monsters decided to integrate into mainstream society. There used to be bedtime stories about us that said bugbears ate children, that we took them away and devoured them if they were bad or disobeyed their parents. We were a cautionary tale.

The thing about fables like those is that there is usually a seed of truth to them. Back then, bugbears did take children, but we took them from bad homes and abusive families, protecting and often raising them as our own. In bugbear culture, children are the most precious creatures and our top priority, even if they were not our own children. It’s one of the reasons why so many of my kind went into childcare after the Integration.

But prejudice often prevented us from getting jobs as caregivers. Many humans still believed the old stories and are distrustful of us around their kids. Some bugbears worked in monster-only childcare programs for this reason, but I wanted to prove to people that though we were monsters, we weren’t villains. I wanted to work with humans and be an example.

It took me some time to find a childcare program that would allow me to work with humans, but Ironblood Interspecies Caregivers jumped at the chance to take me on. My extensive education in child psychology and fifteen years experience with non-human children was something that made me highly sought after in the field, and Jukah, the owner, was excited to have me working for him. He’d recently expanded onto his daycare with an in-home care service for infants and special needs children. He was just as passionate about children’s welfare as I was, and becoming part of his team gave me a wonderful feeling, as though I was finally doing what I’d set out to do.

Even then, it wasn’t smooth sailing. The first few humans who had interviewed me turned me down almost immediately. Several wrote on the rejection form that the sight of me would scare their child, which was something I’d heard many times before, but it was still kind of a punch to the ego.

Eventually, I was hired on to take care of a non-verbal five-year-old human boy with autism named Liam, and I loved it. He didn’t care what I looked like and nor did his parents. In fact, petting the fur of my arms was one of his favorite stims, often falling asleep in my arms as he did so. He had hyper-fixations that he loved sharing with me, and though he couldn’t communicate, he was very smart. He did have violent episodes of self harm, and he was incredibly strong and could be difficult to manage during these episodes, so my size combined with my thick fur was crucial in helping restrain and calm him.

I worked with Liam’s family for six years until they moved away to Philadelphia for his mother’s work. God, I missed that boy. Keeping a professional distance was all well and good in theory, but it was impossible not to love a child one had devoted six years of their life to.

After they left, I had to go through the arduous task of finding a new family that needed a caregiver. Jukah sent out my resume’ to parents needing help, and to my surprise, I was selected within a week. Jukah had a policy of not sending pictures or mentioning race on the resume’ to prevent bias, but I still expected the first interview to go just as poorly as they usually did. I still went, hoping for the best.

Liana McAvoy was a single mother about to return to work after giving birth to her first child and daughter, Ruthie. Ruthie was seven weeks old and had laryngeomalacia, which concerned Ms. McAvoy to the extent that she wanted one-on-one care in her home. Laryngeomalacia was a condition in which the larynx was a little too big and caused the baby to make wheezing noises as if they were struggling to breathe or suffocating, but from what I knew, it was actually completely harmless and didn’t hurt the baby at all. It was still distressing to listen to, so I could understand Ms. McAvoy’s worry.

The day of the interview, I arrived at the apartment rather anxious. I was fully expecting Ms. McAvoy to reject me outright and just wanted to get it over with. The door opened and I saw the same expression I always saw when prospective clients first saw me: shock and alarm. She even took a step backward.

“Hello,” I said, ignoring the reaction and pressing forward. “I’m here for the childcare interview.”

She jumped a little as if goosed. “Oh, yes,” She said a little breathlessly. “Of course, please come in.”

I instinctively bent down to pass through the doorway; human residences were definitely not built with people like me in mind. As I made my way in and before I could speak further, I heard a high-pitched squawking.

“Oh, excuse me,” Ms. McAvoy said, looking apologetic. “She must have woken up.”

“No problem at all,” I assured her, smiling a little. This, oddly, seemed to ease her, and she smiled in return before she went to retrieve the little one.

In the moment she was gone, now that I was less anxious, I had a moment to realize something: she was gorgeous. Thick thighs, big butt, cute belly, small on top. Taller than average, for a human that is. She had most of her wavy brown hair pulled back into a pony tail with the ends bleached. She was wearing a flirty floral sundress that ended at the knee with a matching cardigan that complimented her skin tone perfectly and wore very little makeup on her adorable face, only a light mascara that brightened her eyes and a blush pink gloss that accentuated the pout of her lips. I gulped a little. She was exactly my type, physically at least, and I didn’t know how to unpack that information.

Attraction to clients wasn’t uncommon; there were company policies specifically because of it. As long as one could ignore the attraction, be professional, do their job, and not do anything inappropriate, then there shouldn’t be a problem. I was nothing if not professional.

She returned with the most adorable little baby girl, and any residual anxiety I had left evaporated. Ruthie looked a lot like her mother, though her eyes were blue rather than brown.

“She’s adorable,” I said. “Seven weeks, right?”

“Yeah,” Ms. McAvoy said, gazing down at the wiggle bundle proudly. She looked up at me. “Would you like to hold her?”

I was taken aback. Clients were always so guarded around me with their children, especially parents with infants. I could feel my face split into a wide grin.

“Absolutely!” I said, perhaps over-enthusiastically, but I was excited. This was going much better than I anticipated. I could see she was still a little nervous about it, but I held my hands out for the baby anyway.

She put Ruthie in my arms, and I cradled her carefully. “Well, aren’t you beautiful?” I said to her. She squealed and squeaked at me, waving her little fists. “Aren’t you sweet? You’re such a pretty little thing, aren’t you?”

“Do you have kids?” Ms. McAvoy asked me.

“No, no,” I replied, still playing with Ruthie, tickling her chubby cheeks. “But I was the oldest of twelve. Practically raised my youngest siblings.”

“Well, she certainly likes you,” Ms. McAvoy commented with a smile. “And you come highly recommended.”

I nodded. “I really care about my work,” I said. “Kids deserve the best.”

Her smile began more appreciative. “When can you start?”

My head popped up in shock. “Really?”

“Yeah,” She said, her smile widening to show her pearly teeth. “Ruthie’s taken a shine to you, so I gotta listen to the boss.”

I laughed in relief. “Thank you! I’m really excited to work with you. When do you go back to work?”

“In a week, and I’m dreading it,” Ms. McAvoy admitted.

I nodded. “That’s normal, especially considering this is your first child. It’ll be hard, but you’ll be okay. And so will she,” I said, bouncing Ruthie to make her squeak. “I promise to look after her as if she were my own.”

“That’s definitely a relief,” Ms. McAvoy said, sighing. “Would it be okay if I asked you to come a day early so that I could observe you with her? Just for my own peace of mind. I would pay you for the extra day, clearly.”

“Of course. I want you to feel as comfortable as possible. I’ll be here bright and early Sunday morning.”

“Thank you so much,” She said, holding out a hand.

I transferred Ruthie to my shoulder and to the hand took shake it. “You’re very welcome, Ms. McAvoy.”

“Please, call me Liana,” She said with a smile.

After the trial day on Sunday, during which Liana watched me with Ruthie, changing her diaper, putting her down for naps, listening to her breathing, doing a small check up to make sure when she inhaled that her chest wasn’t struggling to take in air, which would be an indication of breathing obstruction, but she was fine. After Liana was satisfied with me, she returned to work the next day, still anxious but less worried about Ruthie’s well-being in her absence.

For the next few months, things went smoothly. Liana came to trust me implicitly and was happy to leave Ruthie in my care when she worked. Liana was also in childcare, being a elementary school teacher, and it seemed to give us both an innate understanding of each other.

Liana was patient and kind, and my attraction to her was still there, especially when she wore those cute floral dresses and let her hair fall free to frame her face. I did my best to stamp down the attraction, but I couldn’t help admiring her beauty in silence.

A few months in, I got a call from Liana saying she was sick and staying home, but that she’d need me to come anyway. She wanted me to care for Ruthie so that she didn’t accidentally get her sick. She left a key in a hiding place for me to let myself in.

I unlocked the door and called, “Hello? Liana, it’s Sorka. Are you home?”

“Yeah,” A hoarse voice called from the back of the apartment. Liana’s room. I’d made it a point never to go in there, but I headed toward it. The door was open.

Inside, Liana was laying on her bed, looking pale and miserable, and Ruthie was in a covered bassinet, asleep. Liana was wearing a surgical mask and doctor’s gloves. I smiled a little at the sight.

“I hope this is okay,” Liana said, a little bit of a wheeze running through her speech. “I’d feel better if you were taking care of her while I’m sick. I’m scared to death of passing it on to her.”

“It’s no problem at all,” I assured her. “Would you like me to move her out of this room?”

“Yes, please,” Liana said. “I put her in here so I could watch her, but I don’t want her picking up any germs from me.”

“I gotcha,” I said, taking the bassinet and moving it gently outside of the room. “Can I get you anything?”

She laughed, which ended in a cough, and waved her hand at me. “It’s not your job to take care of me. Go on, you two. I’ll be asleep for most of the day, anyhow. It’ll be like I’m not even here.”

“If you say so,” I said with a smile. “But seriously, if you need anything, give a holler, okay?”

“Mm-hmm,” She said sleepily, taking off the surgical mask and gloves and getting as comfortable as possible. She was asleep within seconds, and I stood in the doorway, watching her breathe in and out. I felt a soft smile on my face. Even all snotty and sick, she was lovely. I covered her with her blanket up to the chin and closed the door.

I moved Ruthie to the other end of the apartment, playing with her and keeping her occupied. She was four months now and was able to sit up with support and I was working on teaching her some basic sign language. It was still too soon for her to be able to comprehend or make the signs herself, but starting early meant she could recognize the signs early as well.

It was nearing lunchtime, and after feeding Ruthie her bottle and putting her down for a nap, I looked in on Liana. She was sitting up in bed, mask and gloves on, going through paperwork on a lap table.

“What are you doing?” I asked. “You’re supposed to be resting.”

“I still have to provide the substitute with my curriculum,” She said. “It’ll only take a few minutes. Where’s Ruthie?”

“Down for her nap,” I replied. “Well… I’ll leave you to it, then. Still, get some rest.”

“I will, I will,” She assured you.

I ordered lunch from a local sandwich place and made a split second decision to add some soup to the order as well. Looking in the cupboards, I found some tea, and there was lemon and honey I could add, as well.

When the food arrived, I put the soup in a bowl and added the tea and a glass of water and took it into Liana’s room. She was asleep again, the papers strewn across her torso. I smiled again and shook my head. Moving the papers, I set the tray down on the lap table and gently shook her.

“Liana,” I said softly. “Wake up. Lunchtime.”

Her eyes opened and she groggily looked down at the spread in front of her. Sitting up a bit, she looked up at me blearily.

“Did you make this?” She asked.

I laughed. “I wish. I’m a terrible cook. I ordered it. I did make the tea, though. I thought this would be good for you.”

“I said you didn’t have to do this.”

“You did,” I agreed. “But I did it anyway.”

She laughed, a sweet smile on her face, as she picked up the spoon. “I wish you had been Ruthie’s dad. He never did stuff like this for me.”

My heart did flip-flops in my chest. “You don’t talk about him much. And I’ve never heard you mention visitation. I hope you don’t think this is out of line, but is he involved much with Ruthie?”

“Not all that much, actually,” She said sourly. “He’ll come and see her once in a blue moon, but he never stays long. If it were for the fact that he had to pay child support, I doubt I’d ever hear from him.”

“I’m assuming it ended badly?”

She nodded. “He was cheating and got another girl pregnant,” She said. “His son, Ruthie’s half-brother, is almost the same age as her. They’re only about a week apart in age.”

“Oh, god,” I replied, wincing. “What an asshole.”

“Yeah,” She said, sipping the tea. “He didn’t seem to think he’d done all that much wrong, but I was willing to give him a second chance. Except that he chose her. Five years of my life, down the drain.” She sighed. “Well… at least I got a really pretty baby out of it. She’s definitely worth it.”

“I’m sorry,” I said.

She shook her head. “It is what it is.”

I talked to her while she ate, and afterward, she grew tired again. I took the empty dishes and closed her door, washing them before going to check on Ruthie.

She was sick for a full week, and I stayed for as long as I could each day, making sure that both Ruthie and Liana were well cared for. Liana finally gave up her protests on the third day and let me nurse her back to health. Eventually, she went back to work and the routine reasserted itself.

Another few months passed. Ruthie’s laryngeomalacia faded to nothing, and I expected Liana to put her in a normal daycare, but she insisted on keeping me around, saying that Ruthie was used to me and that she didn’t want to introduce her to a new environment that might distress her. I didn’t mind: I loved Ruthie and reveled in any excuse to stay close to Liana.

My attraction was growing into more than that and I knew it. I didn’t want to admit that I was falling for her, because that meant I’d have to quit working for her. And I didn’t want to tell her the reason for my resignation because I didn’t want her to think I was disgusting or a pervert. I knew staying was dangerous,  but I kept telling myself that I was a professional. I would keep it under control and not do anything that would put my job or position at Ironblood’s in jeopardy. I would ignore my feelings and keep a professional distance.

Even still, there were things that were hard to ignore, like the curve of her small breasts visible beyond the low neckline of her dress as she bent down, the sway of her hips as she moved and swished the hem of her dress, the sweet loving smile reserved only for Ruthie, the lilting sound of her voice when she sang a lullaby, the way the sunlight haloed her hair as it touched it early in the morning. I had to mentally shake myself every time I caught myself staring at her, hoping that she never noticed.

School was close to being done for the semester, and Liana was more busy that normal preparing for the end of the season. One day, she surprised me by coming home early.

“Half-day?” I asked as I was feeding–well, attempting to feed–a jar of string beans to a wiggling Ruthie.

Liana looked harried. “No, I forgot some of my tools here and it’s been a hell of a day. I’m using my lunch break to just get out of there and take a breath.” She sat down heavily in the opposite chair and kissed Ruthie’s head.

“Hungry, then?” I asked. “I can make us some sandwiches.”

“Sounds great, I’m starving,” She sighed. “Is Ruthie done eating?”

I snorted. “I think she’s eaten all she’s going to.”

“I’ll put her down for her nap, then.”

Liana emerged from Ruthie’s room, closing the door behind her, just as I was putting the top piece of bread on both sandwiches. “Roast beef okay?”

“Anything would be okay,” She said.

I didn’t realize she was directly behind me until I turned and walked right into her, knocking us both to the ground. The plates with the sandwiches clattered onto the floor and the food went in all directions.

“I’m so sorry!” I said, pulling myself up on my hands so I didn’t crush her. “Are you okay?”

But she didn’t answer. Her eyes were trained on her lips, her pupils blown wide. She was breathing heavily and her hands clutched the fabric of my shirt over my chest, as if she didn’t want me to get up.

At that moment, I was standing on the precipice of a dangerous cliff, and without hesitation, I jumped.

My mouth came down on hers, kissing her hard, all the pent-up tension I’d been feeling over the last few months finally being released. She kissed me back just as hungrily, grasping the fur around my ears and holding me in place. Her pelvis moved underneath me where I lay between her legs, and my cock immediately began to stiffen. This was going very fast, but I couldn’t stop it. I wanted her so badly.

She reached between us and unbuckled my belt, unbuttoned my pants, and unzipped the zipper, reaching inside to touch me, and I gasped in her mouth. As soon as I opened my mouth, her tongue slipped inside and she moaned. I broke apart for just a moment to slip off her panties, and I was back down, kissing her lips and face and neck as I pressed myself to her dripping entrance.

“Yes, yes, yes,” She chanted. “I’ve wanted this for so long.”

“So have I,” I said as I slicked myself down before pushing myself inside. She moaned loudly, but still tried to keep her sounds low. I had wanted to start slow and ease into it, but I couldn’t. I went hard and fast right out of the gate, desperate and needy. She seemed to appreciate it, though, wrapping her legs around my waist and spurring me on. I braced on one arm and palmed her breast over her dress with the other, my lips on her neck. She reached down and pushed the back of my pants down with both hands so that she could grab handfuls of my butt, squeezing and digging her fingernails in.

I could feel her having the orgasm underneath me even though she was trying hard to stay quiet. Her inner walls spasmed and her body went rigid, her eyes closed and her mouth open. I couldn’t slow down, I needed to get to that crest myself. It had been a while, and I had wanted her so badly.

I popped up onto my hands and looked down at her, and she gazed up at me, opening my shirt and running her fingers down my fur as my body slapped against hers, moving her back and forth against the floor a little aggressively, but she seemed to enjoy it, judging from the wide smile on her face. I could feel myself close to cumming just as her eyes rolled back again, her legs tensing around me. I felt myself release into her and my body locked up over her. All I could do was ball my fists and ride the wave back down until I collapsed over her, and she put her arms around me.

After the euphoria had worn off, my immediate next though was: What have I done?

A little awkwardly, I climbed off of her and helped her up. She went into the bathroom silently to clean up and I wiped myself down with a wet paper towel before straightening up my clothes. Liana came out of the bathroom just as I had finished cleaning what would have been our lunch off of the ground.

“So,” She asked sheepishly. “You’re in a lot of trouble now, aren’t you?”

I leaned against the counter. “Quite a bit, yes.” I sighed and took her hand. “I didn’t intend for this to happen. I meant to stay professional.”

She shook her head. “I think this was a long time coming, honestly. I’ve liked you for a really long time. I tried to stay distant,  but it’s hard when you’re such a sweet guy.”

I laughed a little. “I’ve liked you, too. But I can’t be with you and keep my job.”

“I know,” She said. “I know how important your work is and I’d never do anything to jeopardize that. Well…” She trailed off and gestured to the spot on the floor where the two of you had made love. “I mean, not on purpose.”

“I know,” I said, pulling her into a tight hug. “I guess this is my notice of resignation from this position.”

She sighed shakily and clung to me hard before letting me go and giving me a kiss. “I’m sorry to see you go.”

The same day, I went to Jukah’s office and knocked on the frame of the open door. “Boss?”

Jukah was an orc, a little guy even by human standards due to a condition he had, but he had a very strong presence. He was the kind of guy people wanted to listen to. A leader.

“Hey, Sorka, what can I do for you?” He asked, shuffling papers to the side to devote all of his attention to me.

“Well,” I started reluctantly. “I need to quit the McAvoy job.”

Jukah cocked his head to the side. “Why? You love that position.”

“I have feelings for the mother,” I said, a little hesitant to meet his eye. “I can’t ignore them anymore.”

“Oh, I see,” He said, linking his fingers together. “How far has it gone?”

I scrubbed my face and was unable to answer.

Jukah sighed. “Look, I… I understand your position, but I have the reputation of the company to think about.”

“I know, sir.”

“You’ll be removed immediately from the home and reassigned.”

“I understand, sir.”

“And for god’s sakes, give it a week at least before you go back to her. And bring her flowers.”

My head popped up. “Sir?”

Jukah was shaking his head in a don’t push it kind of way, but continued. “No contact for a week. Then go back with flowers. And take her to a nice place. That’s an order.”

A wide smile broke out on my face. “You’re the boss.”

A week later, I followed orders and showed up with flowers in my hand. I attempted to apologize, but she kissed me before I could. Then she, Ruthie, and I went out for a nice dinner. Then, after laying Ruthie down for the evening, we spent a proper night together, just like we’d always wanted, only this time I planned to stay.

I was home again.

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[black-out-wonder]

Arguments Part 2

OH MY GOODNESS, FINALLY, AM I RIGHT?! I know it’s been so long, so here is the second part of Arguments. I actually had a lot of people ask about this and I was like ??? How?? Why?? But all in all, I hope you all enjoy the Part 2, and to those who are waiting for Of Amnesia and Clairvoyancy, I know I said once before that it was in the works (a long time ago but I digress) but I’m going to get to work on that ASAP! Enough chit chat from me, and enjoy!

Pairings: N/A

Warnings: Mentions of fighting, descriptions of fighting, descriptions of physical violence, bickering, arguing, insults, insecurity mention, food mention, cursing, panic attack, hurt/ comfort, if there’s any more, feel free to let me know!

                                    -------------------------------------------

The shock of what he just did crashed into him as he saw Virgil’s stare. He looked...soulless. There wasn’t even the fear he expected to see in his irises. Guilt immediately ate at him as Virgil recoiled, running away from him. “What have I done?” He breathed, staring down at his trembling hands.

“What have you done, Roman?” Logan repeats his statement back at him with a cold bite. “I understand the frustrations of someone disagreeing with you, but resorting to violence isn’t the answer, remember?”

Roman flinched, remembering how it felt when Logan threw that paper ball at him. He couldn’t imagine how Virgil was feeling right now. “Virgil!” He called out, starting to make his way towards the stairs to his room, only to be stopped by Logan stepping in front of him.

“That is not a good idea,” he insisted, folding his arms over his chest. “He is clearly distressed and seeing you would probably make it worse.”

Guilt hit him again as he avoided eye contact, “But I want to apologize-”

“Give him time kiddo,” Patton placed a hand on his shoulder. “It’s best if I go to calm him down and you two can talk it out later, okay?”

Roman took a deep breath as he nodded, “Yes, you’re right.”

Patton gave his shoulder a quick squeeze before heading up the stairs to check on the side. Knowing that Roman wasn’t going to confront Virgil, Logan walked away towards the kitchen, leaving him alone in the living room. With the silence came the reflection. Why did he get so angry over a stupid comment? And why did he have to take it so far?

No matter how angry he got at Virgil, he never laid a hand on him. It was always verbal fights and it never escalated like that before. Why did he do that? He wandered over to the couch, slumping down with a sigh. Rubbing his face with his hands, the memory of his hands shoving Virgil, grabbing him, and then finally his lifeless expression, haunted him like nothing had before. There were knots in his stomach as he wondered what he was doing. Was he having a panic attack? If so, it was completely his fault. He was glad that Patton went to check on him.

                                     -------------------------------------------

Virgil acknowledged that it was lucky he made it up the stairs and to his room without tumbling onto the floor, but he didn’t dwell on it. His mind was in hyperdrive, repeating the word “disappear” over and over again. He locked the door behind him, trying to breathe calmly but failing miserably. He leaned against the door, holding his hands to his chest. He tried to remember the many breathing exercises Logan provided for him, but his knowledge failed him as his thoughts spiraled out of control.

Suddenly, he heard a soft tapping at the door behind him. “Virgil? Kiddo? Can I come in?”

Patton. Sweet, kind, dad-like Patton. His initial instinct was to say no, to tell him to go away, that he was fine. And he was about to say so until a small voice in the back of his mind stopped him. It’s Patton, let him help, it said. For some unknown reason, that was all it took for him to unlock the door, opening it to allow the other side in. Patton entered the room, quickly shutting the door behind him. “Okay, breathe for me, you know what to do,” he immediately held his hands gently, bringing them to his own chest. “Follow my breathing, okay? You’ve got this.”

Virgil attempted to follow his breathing but was struggling. All the way through, Patton continued to coo words of encouragement, remaining patient until Virgil was finally able to breathe calmly. The pair were now sat on Virgil’s bed. Patton remained silent for a few moments until it became apparent that the anxious side wasn’t going to speak up willingly. “Wanna talk about it? I’m sure you’ve got something going on up there,” he poked Virgil’s head lightly.

He let out a halfhearted chuckle as he wrung his hands on his lap. “What if Roman was right? I mean, I said a lot of things that were uncalled for, and I kinda deserved it-”

“No matter what you said, you did not deserve what happened,” Patton insisted. “Sure, both of you said some pretty mean stuff, but he shouldn’t have escalated things.”

He shook his head, “No, I knew I was heading into dangerous territory, yet I didn’t stop. I pushed him, and he finally snapped. And it seems like that’s all I do.” He buried his face in his hands, “I push people until they reach their breaking point. Roman was right. I should just dis-”

“If you finish that sentence, I will fight you,” Patton interrupts him. “I’m sorry I keep interrupting you kiddo, but what you’re saying is just not true. No one wants you to disappear.”

“But he-”

“You were angry, he was angry,” he reasoned, placing a hand on Virgil’s back. “Just like you said a lot of stuff you didn’t mean, he did the same.” 

Virgil let out a deep breath, nodding to what he said. What Patton said made sense. Looking back on the fight, he regretted what he said, and not just because of how Roman retaliated. He knew he was feeling insecure lately and he used that against him. What was wrong with him? How did they get so riled up to that point? How did the fight even start? What was even the point in letting it go that far?

                                    -------------------------------------------

Roman had dozed off on the couch, not wanting to go up to his room in fear of scaring Virgil somehow. When he drifted back into consciousness, he noticed how dark it was. He cursed quietly to himself as he lifted himself up. Stretching his muscles, he noticed how tense he really was. It was time to go to his bed to rest, though he probably wouldn’t be able to sleep anymore.

“Roman?”

In shock, not realizing that anyone else was in the general vicinity, he jumped, stumbling and falling onto the floor. He recognized the voice and cursed every god he knew. “Virgil…”

The other side stood by the doorway to the kitchen, holding a bowl of what seemed to be macaroni and cheese. “You okay?” He asked, concern in his voice.

“Y-Yeah,” Roman stammered, feeling nervous at the sight of Virgil.

The pair remained the way they were for several moments, awkward tension filling the air. Virgil finally sighed, “Look, I said a lot-”

“I’m sorry!”

Roman had his eyes screwed shut as Virgil stared down in awe, “Wh-What?”

“I’m sorry!” He continued, his voice sounding very hysterical. “What I did was completely unforgivable! I understand if you hate me and never want to be near me again, but I just wanted to lend you my most sincerest apologies! There is no excuse for me to lay my hands on you!”

Virgil stood in stunned silence, not realizing how guilty Roman was feeling. He thought that he thought he was right, and that Virgil should apologize. Apparently, that wasn’t the case. He had never seen Roman like this before. “No, you don’t need to apologize,” he placed the bowl of food on the counter, walking towards the creative side. “I pushed you too far. I knew what I was saying would hurt you.”

“That’s no excuse!” Roman exclaimed, “I shoved you! I held you against the wall! I told you to disappear! I was clearly in the wrong!”

Virgil shook his head, “You only reacted that way because I hit you where it would hurt.”

The pair continued like this while Logan and Patton stood on the staircase, watching the scene unfold before them. They heard the crash of Roman falling and went to check it out. “Looks like they’ve made up,” Patton commented as Virgil helped Roman off the floor.

“Yes, I am satisfied by this development,” Logan smiled softly. “It could be said that their relationship is comparable to that of siblings.”

Patton nodded along as he watched the two bicker about who was more in the wrong, “Yeah, I can see that.”

The scene before them ended with the pair embraced in a tight hug, each one still insisting that they caused it to escalate.

                                    -------------------------------------------

Taglist:  @cyberpunkjinx @ccecode @that-weird-kid-charlie @aurora-b-lights @ijustrealizedhowdumbmynamewas @ebony-wolf @a-simple-fryingpan @otakugirl111300 @test-subject-0012 @kaileah-kat

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Lars Barriga Character Analysis

Facts:

Is a (nominally) Filipino teenager, likely around a senior in high school who lives in Beach City. 

Had a falling out with his childhood friend

Very stereotypical disaffected teen

Slacks off at work

Dances around attraction to his co-worker

Has a strained but generally caring relationship with Steven

Wants to join the “cool kids”

Can be paralyzed by fear

Has experienced a lot of side effects from the Gem stuff around them

Has his body possessed by Steven

Tries to join a band but is unable to ever engage those people

Is kidnapped in the “My Mom” attack

Ends up captured on Homeworld due to his own anxiety

Dies saving Padparadscha Sapphire

Becomes a revived human by the Pink Diamond Power through Steven

Fight with his new friends and steals a plain

Becomes the captain of the Off Color Gems fighting off other Gems

Pilots himself from Homeworld back to earth

Analysis:

Lars is a pretty relatable teen, he is struggling to find an identity and friends. Deals with relationships that are a bit complicated, past relationships that didn’t work out and a job he chronically slacks off at. His own insecurities and sometimes myopic focus tend to override his life to a point of severe problems.

Lars spends much of the show up till season 5 as a stereotypical anxious slacker. But ends up in a place of being a leader and much more confident. Lars shows clear signs of anxiety for the show and it creates a huge problem for him. He has almost no friends outside of Steven and a strained relationship with Sadie. His parents are shown to be worried about him because his grades are terrible and he seems highly distressed often. His self-esteem issues caused him to act fake around people a lot meaning many people are surprised if he ever shows confidence.

In the finale of season 4, he ends up with Steven captured being taken to the gem Homeworld. His paralyzing anxiety stops him from escaping. His anxiety makes it very hard for him on homeworld steen having to lead and protect him hear even with his own stress. During their escape, they run into the off colours who are “broken” on Homeworld. Lars bonds with them and we can see he feels guilty if he were to get them hurt. He is able to dredge up his courage to protect them fighting the bots chasing them as the others can’t because he has no Gem. In the end, he essentially dies saving the others. Puts himself in front of the beam and Padparadscha Sapphire. Steven then brings him back to life with his healing tears. Lars is transformed into a creature of indeterminate status like Pink Lion, a creation of the Pink Diamond based powers.

After this symbolic rebirth, he is first terrified understandably but accepts this. He lets Steven go home through his portal even if this leaves him stranded. The other Off Colours stayed with him, unwilling to leave him stranded with nobody and no way to protect himself. He bonds with them and even helps them take an escape attempt. They are able to capture a spaceship and head for earth. In this role las finds his confidence and acts as their “captain” taking charge of their future protection. He bonds well with them as he can be as funny and weird as he likes. They already consider him brave and worthy from his previous actions, and being victims of prejudice themselves don’t expect anything from him. The Rutile Twins and Rhodonite also show similar anxiety to the king he experiences and Padapsher is coded as neurodivergent in her own right.

His obliviousness of others and anxiety can come across as pretty problematic in his relationship with Sadie. They have a kind of song and dance around crushing on each other. Both being over possessive of each other and show affection in a broken way. Sadie let herself often become a doormat to avoid confrontation with Lars. She also performs horribly possessive acts like stranding them on an island hiding the way home in Island Adventure (01X30). This is the first time both show romantic affection through kissing, but largely feels rather taken advantage of and not loving. They don’t move forward well after this. Lars struggles to show affection to never expressing the way he feels clearly. His anxiety and slacker mentality interfere with anything that could be, and the possessive ways Sadie acts he feel put off, not really understanding how much he wanted to be around her after being stranded in space. His reactive inferiority complex makes him feel abandoned by her having new friends.

Lars and Steven’s relationship was generally friendly, and Steven even seemed like the only person currently who he hung out with on a more level playing field. It was impossible for him to push Steven away or run away from him because Steven never let him. Acting essentially as an annoying younger brother. Steven does want him to form new friends but doesn’t really understand Lars’s social anxiety issues. In The New Lars (03X10) Steven poses Lars in a kind of creepy way. There is an inherent violation here that is understandable disconcerting to him. It does allow Steve to see some of how Lars lives but takes the ability to “fix” his problems not taking into account what he would want. This has a few effects on their relationship outside of making Lars more anxious around Steven and the other Crystal Gem’s powers for a long period of time. 

As of I Am My Mom (04X24) Lars and Steven’s relationships changes extremely. The whole arc on Homeworld after this ending in Lars’s head (05X04) makes them into a more equal relationship in power. Lars’s new found confidence allows him to have new friends who respect him with the off colours. He is no longer the odd one out with her friends so he and Steven no longer have an annoyed sibling dynamic but colleagues in fighting a broken system. Lars new confidence also allows more direct affection like hugging Lars was scared to previously shown.

A past relationship we get some insight into is he had a friendship in previous years with Ronaldo. It’s shown they were pretty close to best friends. In Horror Club (01X41) we get this backstory during an adventure Lars, Steven, Sadie and Ronaldo go on. As kids, they share a love of slightly nerdy things and Horror movies. Ronaldo and he saw something spooky and supernatural. Ronaldo's obsession with “Keep Beach City Weird” type things wanted to show off images and expose supernatural things. Lars, however, destroys the images out of fear others will see it and humiliate him. This broke their relationship pretty fast, and it seemed to continue to be something Lars felt bad about doing on impulse. They don’t really talk it all the way through, but express kindness at the end, maybe showing no longer being mad about it.

Lars was never my favourite, relatable with my personal anxiety but he often was annoying. His stories lacked relevance for many seasons but when we get to his involvement in major plotlines on Homeworld the past descriptions of self-esteem problems and anxiety made the personal arc satisfying. His fining of courage partially by accident but really accepting the role of protecting others. Through taken charge, he starts to feel very strong and proud through this. He is one of the side town characters whose arc had a real effect. He along with Peridot and Amethyst have the strongest complete arcs. It was disappointing to have gaps afterwards not seeing much of the Off Colours and e bonding and stealing their ships. The time skip robs us off more slow build up in plot lines and character things.

He is a character who was able to tease out to be a pretty interesting strong character after a clumsy start. He is able to transcend his slacker behaviour and rudeness toward Sadie and Steven. It is also disappointing that until the Off Colours both of his friends did some rather controlling behaviour towards him. I hope they do something with him and the off colours moving forward.

Nd Headcanons:

Social Anxiety Disorder/Generalized Anxiety Disorder:

Avoiding social situations and anything that could cause

Catastrophization

Distracted by fear and preoccupation when in social situations

Fear of rejection

Fear of talking and/or otherwise engaging with other people

Has some “safe people”

Masking

Panic Attacks

Physiological symptoms: Freezing up, vocal changes, nervous energy

Preoccupation with fitting in

Rising anxiety around new friends

Rumination of being embarrassed

Trouble forming relationships based on his anxiety 

Depression:

Concentration issues

Difficulties with relationships

Executive dysfunction issues

Hopelessness in his own ability to do more

Low self-esteem

Restlessness 

Struggling in school

[taichoushadow]

I wouldn’t change a thing about you ~ Jungkook drabble

A/N: @la2244 eventhough I changed a bit of direction I still got a fluffy at the end so.. please try to look past the grammar mistake, its kind of late here and I am just too lazy to get through them right now. Have fun reading and let me know what you think. Enjoy.

Honestly, you wanted to go home, you wanted to turn around and leave right this instant, fleeing the scene yet you stayed seated on the chair, elbows leaned on the kitchen table as your hands covered your ears. Now and then your eyes wandered towards the tense body pacing back and forth through the small room before they settled on the man’s face, reading his every frown, his trembling lips as they spewed out everything he could think of and you knew it weren’t the kindest words you’ve heard in your life however you didn’t care as you stared at his deep red coloured lips, red wasn’t really a colour you associated with love, it was a colour that made you think of anxiety, of hurt and holding back, now you weren’t saying that red wasn’t a good colour, far from that, at times it gave you satisfaction, it made you giggle, relieved..

today it was anxious, today red hid his discomfort, his pain, his insecurity, today red was anger, frustation, not wanting to admit how he truly felt and eventhough you saw through it, you never were a hero when someone stood infront of you, their voices louder than they should be, words that definitely weren’t meant at all, it still made you uncomfortable however you knew he needed you right now, more than he ever would and so you lowered your hands from your ears, your feet pushing on the ground as the chair scooted back and stood up and walked over to him as slowly as you could not wanting to scare and cause him to explde since he was stressed to the maximum. 

while your feet guided your way through him, you couldn’t help but flinch when particulair words rolled of his tongue, knowing it wasn’t what he normally wouldn’t even dare to think about, you knew that but it still hurt, putting that aside for now (definitely were going to speak up about it once he calmed down) your body halted when your hand brushed against his shirt, fingers grasping the material and folding it in your fist like a grab machine at a fair clasping onto the prize and not wanting to let it go until you were sure you got the toy. 

Jungkook stopped mid sentence when he felt a tug on his shirt and looked down and once he saw a small hand clenching his top, he instantly lifted his gaze and jumped back in shock when his met yours, your stare boring back into his. 

‘‘Jungkook’‘. you whispered, your other hand falling onto his shoulder as you saw his face turning into shock and switching to regret mere seconds later. His mouth opened and closed, opened again and closed once more, looking at you like a deer caught in headlights. 

‘‘Y/n.... I....’‘ he began and moved back, his fingers trying to unclasp your hold onto his shirt but you didn’t lift a finger, reading his every move as it was more than noticable he wanted to leave and hide in the bedroom, you wouldn’t let him though. He needed to get all of this frustration and hurt out and he wasn’t going to leave your side before that. 

‘‘Kook listen’‘. You began, the hand on his shoulder moving southwards, gliding down his shoulderblades, stopping on his lowerback and with forceful push forcing him in your arms as he stumbled towards you, your arm now hooking around his waist keeping him locked in and even when he ‘tried’ to wiggle his way out, you knew he actually didn’t want to since the both of you knew, if he really wanted to escape he could, he didn’t use his strength at all, only pretending as if did. 

Knowing he wasn’t going to leave, you let go of his shirt, your arm freeing his wait and placed your hands on his cheek. 

‘’Jungkook look at me’’. 

His eyes were everywhere except where they needed to be, avoiding you.

‘‘look at me..’’ you tried once more but when he didn’t seem to want to listen, you let out a big sigh.

‘‘I need you to look at me now. You have no choice, I think I deserve to atleast see your eyes now don’t I?’‘ your voice was firm yet gentle, showing him you didn’t want to argue. ‘‘I am not mad at you, okay? I just want to see you. I would love to see the most beautiful eyes in the world. Are you really going to deprive me of that?’‘ 

This made him chuckle as he shook his head and lifted his face, his eyes finally meeting yours and you couldn’t help but to smile a sad smile, regret pooling into his eyes any moment ready to spill and it only took one word from you to unlock the gate, tears running down his cheeks and threw himself onto you and you catched him, you would always try to catch him, always would try to keep him from falling hard, you weren’t foolish, you couldn’t always be there but when you could, you wouldn’t even hesitate to break his fall. 

‘‘I am so sorry. I know I shouldn’t take it out on you and I know, I know, I know.’’ he tried to speak through his cries, repeating he knew, he really knew. 

Hushing, you guided him to the couch and gently lowered him down onto it, quickly sitting down next to him once you saw him panicking when you didn’t follow him right away. 

‘‘Jungkook..’‘ you sighed once again, grapping both of his hands in yours and faced him. ‘‘Listen to me and don’t interrupt me okay?’’ 

He nodded. 

‘‘You know I’ve told you this a lot of times and I get it that you it’s difficult for you however, don’t you agree with me that this is very tiring for you?’‘ stopping, you looked at him to see if he did listen since he tended to let his mind wander whenever someone tried to give him advice. This time he actually was one hundred percent focused on you as he was now rubbing his thumbs over the palm of your hand after he switched positions and so you continued.

‘‘You can’t always hide no matter how much you want to, it doesn’t always work. I get it, you want to be a real man.’‘ you couldn’t help but to roll your eyes when you mentioned it, thinking back at the times he clearly told you that real men didn’t cry.  ‘’and real men don’t cry and you know that it is utter bullshit. What’s so different about women and men and their tears? You need to throw that thought right out of the window.  You know I will punch you and see if you start to cry if you say it one more time. Please do cry, please for your own health let those fears and hurt go Jungkook. You’re human and humans do cry. Do you think it’s healthy for our relationship if you let it out at me when you feel distressed, hurt, insecure?’’  He shook his head violently, squeaking out a immediate no. ‘’Then why would it be good for yourself? Cry if you must, if you’re breaking, than do it well, do it all at once and let those tears flow. Let them go until there are no more tears to shed, until all that pain is gone , the confusion you feel is dried up. Cry.  It doesn’t matter how you do it, or where you do it. If you need someone there for you or want to be alone, if you need a movie or a book. Cry. You know I love you for who you are, you know that I love you because you aren’t perfect. I don’t want perfect, I don’t like perfect. The word perfect you shouldn’t even exist since it brings people anxiety, insecurity and a lot of expectations they shouldn’t have to meet.

It hurts the people around you two. Seeing someone struggling but now knowing how to help since that person blocks you out, pretend everything is fine when it’s obviously not okay when you clearly see the way they walk and talk and act. I don’t always care when you yell at me and you know that too. There are many things I like about you Jungkook, and there are also things that I don’t like, that annoy me but that is something that comes with it too. I have many faults aswell and before you open your mouth and tell me that’s not true, you can suck my ass, cause I have them just like you have yours and eventhough they can annoy me, there are times I can’t help but laugh as you want to be the best in everything again, get mad when you can’t win from me in need for speed, how you throw your consoler away and accuse me of cheating..’’ 

This time it was Jungkook who rolled his eyes, wiping his face with the tissue you gave him as you stuck out your tongue at him. ‘’You cheat though.’’ he mutters under his breath as he lets go of your hand. Ignoring him, you swing your legs over his lap, scooting a bit closer until your butt touched his thigh and run your finger trough his hair to continue your rant.

‘‘All that I am saying is that I wouldn’t have you in any other way, I wouldn’t change a thing about you.’‘

‘‘I started to like you more and more when I saw more and more of you, of the real you. You don’t have to pretend to be strong. It hurts, it truly does hurt when you avoid me, as if I would wave your insecurites away. I wouldn’t, never in my life, as long as I live disregard your feelings like they don’t matter. You can talk to me, if you don’t want to talk, you can cry or we can cuddle as long as you won’t keep walking with this feeling until the bomb explodes. That’s not good Jungkook. We don’t want that.’‘ you smiled brightly as he too began to ruffle your hair, his lips formed in the typical Kook smile. 

‘‘I would never change a thing about you.’’

and with that you placed your lips on his, arms throwing around his neck, body pushing his down into the couch determined to show and let him know how much you loved every quirk of his.

[matthewko28]

Morning

*Hetalia fanfic. Something about that time of the month. A common topic followed a common fluffy story.

*One shot! Human AU!! Steady relationship!!! DanxNyo!Sve :)

*De/nm/ark=Mathias Densen, software engineer, his work type is kind of Tsuzaki’s in NiGeHaji (逃げ恥, a Japanese tv drama I like :3); Nyo!Sw/ed/en=Kristina Oxenstierna, family lawyer(solicitor?). I guess they both work in London.

*These settings are just for fun, it’ll not be mentioned a lot in the following story.

*Rating K+ but maybe up to T (or maybe not, I hope so).

*I’m not a native English speaker neither major in law, if there are any mistakes please correct me (in respectful), thanks!

*Disclaimer: I don’t own anything but the story itself.

The alarm clock was going off. Mathias struggled to turn off the annoying sound, turned over to stay on the bed.

It looked like the alarm was nearly broken, he couldn’t hear it clearly even when he was not asleep. If one day he was late to work, it might be reasonable to blame all wrongs on this little junk. Mathias thought, almost falling into dreams, his fingertips touched something smooth and silky. Stroking along the texture, he closed his eyes, grinning with happiness. Mathias then rolled over to the other side, hug and cuddle up to someone whom he shared a bed with, buried his face into the long, straight blonde hair, “Good morning, Krisi, my dear.”

The soft skin and the light natural fragrance he was holding on made he couldn’t help but sigh and nuzzle them again. Mathias guessed, he might be willing to hang around with those annoying clients and insoluble problems constantly for a whole month, just in return for the right to be woken up by his treasure every morning… um not well, it sounds lovely too to have a lazy weekend… they could stay in bed or cook their brunch, they could stay together all day long… hmm it sounds more attractive to him now…

Mathias hummed unconsciously, tightening arms he put around the other one’s waist.

Unfortunately, someone who he was cuddling up could totally feel nothing about his love pouring out from his heart and soul.

“Get away….”

Kristina had turned her back on Mathias since the beginning. She pressed her face to bed, hands slowly moved and covered up Mathias’ though, she just wanted to be released from his crossing fingers, “Don’t touch me, it’s muggy….”

“Pffft, why don’t you answer me another ‘good morning?’”

“I think you’ve been used to it.”

Mathias felt so bored and loosened his grip. The morning kiss failed, the rest he could look forward to was just the most ordinary mode. He sighed again, rolled onto his back and closed his eyes, waiting until his girlfriend get up and pinch his shoulder to urge him prepare for work.

Two minutes passed, their bedroom was still quiet. Mathias almost fell asleep again, but the next minute, he became alert.

Something is wrong. He suddenly realized it.

If it was actually “the most ordinary mode,” he would see Kristina sit in front of her dressing table and wear her hair in a bun before he turned off the alarm. Mathias spent a few seconds thinking back what they did yesterday. It wasn’t the first time Mathias went to sleep earlier than Kristina. In the past a month, Kristina became a little busier than ever, she stayed up late again last night. It was just as usual, the only difference maybe was that she looked more silent but anxious than before? Kristina has been very unhappy when Mathias picked her up. From her office to their home, she kept quiet along the way, kicked off her heels when they just got back home. Oh gosh, she looked so damn unpleasant. Should he feel grateful that his dear Krisi didn’t object to his complaint and office gossip when he was driving?

Slowly, Mathias recalled another strange thing he saw in the early morning, when he woke up to use the bathroom; what on earth are those bloodstains on the shower floor?

Mathias sat up suddenly, turned to look at what happened to Kristina. Kristina was lying with her back turned on him though. She lowered her head, curling up with hands holding her belly tightly.

“Krisi, are you alright?”

He ran a hand through her hair and put the other hand on her body, “Krisi?”

“…I’m fine.” Kristina pushed his hands away gently. Before Mathias asked her more, she got out of bed, found out her glasses and tampon and went to the bathroom. She was slouching and walking unsteadily. Mathias frowned at the nightstand, he could make sure what caused Kristina to be so painful was certainly not the low blood sugar in the morning. The drawer was still opened and the sanitary products inside were so messy. The owner would not allow such a condition happened in usual time.

However, the bathroom door had locked. Mathias had no interest in slapping it then getting another fight. He put the stuff in order, got out of bed lazily, planning to go to kitchen and wash his face.

After he came back, Kristina was still in the bathroom. Mathias opened his wardrobe with humming songs, searching a shirt he preferred today. When he was wearing it, the door was finally opened, “Morning!”

“Mm.”

“Feeling better?”

No one answered.

“Kristina?”

Kristina passed by him, with a work suit in her arms.

Mathias doubted he could stand it.

“Kristina, stop!” He grabbed her arm to let him face her, just found that Kristina was really weak. She looked pale and uncomfortable, keeping pressing a hand on lower abdomen when Mathias stared at her.

“You sure you still have to work today?” He knew his voice was becoming overbearing and aggressive, also assured that his girlfriend despised his behavior in such a case definitely.

As expected, Kristina shook off his hand, “I am running late.”

“No, wait, it doesn’t relate to being late,” Mathias held her back again, but this time he controlled his strength carefully, “I mean…you are having your period, aren’t you? Don’t you take a day off?”

Before Kristina answered, he quickly added, “I think you do need it.”

“I think I don’t need it yet,” Kristina said softly, twisting her body to get rid of his grasp, “besides, I have a client meeting today. I don’t want to stand her up.”

“Does it mean standing her up? Could you both just… reschedule it?”

“No way, it’ll be good to everyone if the case closed as early…ugh!…”

“Kristina!”

Suddenly, a severe pain hit her, making her couldn’t support herself. Kristina knelt down on the floor without precautions, feeling that she just fell into the darkness. She closed her eyes, hearing small noise beside her. Mathias immediately knelt down too, holding her upper body to avoid letting her collapse on the floor.

“Geez, you are trembling…can you walk?”

Kristina looked downwards, after a while she finally nodded slightly.

“Would you get into bed first?” Mathias caught her by the elbow before getting her reply. He was wide awake, being startled thoroughly. In some ways his bad habit of nagging even worsened, “I have told you a hundred times you should lead a normal life but you always say ‘well, another half hour’ blablabla, poor you have a bad luck today. You are such a workaholic, always forget to take a rest or have a meal, well it doesn’t matter, but how can you have no sense of feeling cold? Have I talked about this? Last time I passed by the study room and you almost scared me to death…”

Kristina sat on the bed and pressed her lips together. She touched Mathias’ fingers, slowly wrapped and caressed them.

Mathias’ words offended though, she just couldn’t push his tenderness away; he was trying to massage her belly. Kristina was so disappointed at her bad health status and her tolerance to it. She needed something to balance her mood. Mathias’ hands looked like they could warm up anything, and that was actually she was searching for in the moment.

But, at the same time, this guy was going to nag about the relation between menstrual cycle and making something. Kristina didn’t want to listen to this kind of issue at all, especially when it was the time they just got up.

She rubbed her forehead with a sigh.

“…Mathias, three minutes, could you keep quiet for just…”

“No, I can’t.”

They caught sight of each other, struggling to resist the impulse to roll their eyes.

Still, it’s Mathias who breaks the silence as always. He took a deep breath, turned his hand over and held Kristina’s tightly, “Seriously, do you want to take a leave today? Every time you go to office, you wear your skirt suit – don’t mention your pant suits – your skirt suit and tights and heels and…anything else? Your stoic face? Now you are in too much pain to walk firmly, why you still consider that… you can keep wearing them and working?”

“You assumed that I can’t manage my work.”

“No! I didn’t mean it! I just want you… can’t you…”

Mathias scratched his head in frustration, feeling distressed to express his thoughts properly. Suddenly, an odd sound appeared out of nowhere.

It was a standard default ringtone, ringing out from a work phone, and the cellphone belonged to Kristina.

He felt the hand he was grabbing at twitched slightly.

“Uh-huh, it’s time to work, ja?” Mathias stood up by putting his hands upon his knees. He walked to the end table, unplugged the phone charger and looked back to the bed. Kristina had straightened an arm towards him.

The sound hadn’t stopped yet. It even became louder because of its owner’s setting.

Without any hesitation, Mathias answered the phone call then left the room.

“Good morning! Northcape Law Firm! Densen speaking, how may I help you?”

“Darn it, you…!”

“Ah, sure, I’m her assistant, yes,…”

The door slammed shut.

Kristina put down her pillow. She curled up her body again due to the cramps. She didn’t know if the pain would worsen or not, couldn’t help but moan though she had bitten her lips. She couldn’t make sure it is feeling pain or Mathias’ and her bad tempers that put her in such a difficult position. The silence spread throughout the space, but it would not be better if the silence replaced by an argument.

She hadn’t thought out how could she face him yet.

The door was opened, “Hey, where is your medicine? I didn’t find it in the box,” Mathias carried a tray between his hands and waist. It looked like a little awkward, though, he was trying to prevent the stuffs on it spilling over, “Wait, you have cramps again? Shit… Give me a minute!”

He slammed the door again, walked to the bed in a hurry. Kristina looked up when Mathias put a hand on her belly. The tray was placed on the nightstand. There were two pieces of toast and a mug with steam on it.

She stared at the cellphone beside the food. The phone call had finished.

“Are you alright? I guess you’ve been okay.”

“…My purse,” she refocused, pointing the coat rack, “The painkillers are in my purse, the white packet one.”

“Got it,” Mathias moved his hand from her belly, standing up and searching for the purse. After picked up the small box however, he paused at the door, “would you try to avoid taking them? They’re harmful to your health after all.”

“Of course I know.”

That might be the impatience in her voice which amused him, Mathias started to snicker. Kristina frowned at him.

“What did you mean?”

“Uhm?”

“Assistant,” she picked up her cellphone.

“Oh, I supposed you didn’t want to expose your personal life,” Mathias shrugged, walked back with smile on his face. Kristina didn’t want to get details why this guy laughed so happily, at least, not now.

“It’ll be my pleasure if you allow me to introduce myself as your boyfriend, oh, husband sounds better, you could take over it.”

“Stop kidding.”

“Okay, stop kidding.”

Mathias threw the box into the tray, took out Kristina’s phone when he sat on the edge of the bed, “Then, maybe it’s time to discuss this?” He showed the dark screen to her, as if he was displaying a new product.

She forced herself to not throw her head back or hit his face by the pillow.

“Your client today is… Ms. Palmer? She just called you.”

She nodded.

“She said today there is an activity in school that needs parents’ supporting, so she asked if the meeting rescheduled to the teatime… the time you determined at first was lunch time, right?”

She nodded again.

“I asked her to postpone to a later date, she said okay.”

“Why did you…”

“I SAID, today you are very, very weak and uncomfortable, that’s the only thing I told her. Luckily she could understand it, so she agreed with my suggestion,” quietly, Mathias put the cellphone back on the nightstand, “…I’m sorry for answering your phone call without your agreement.”

She looked downwards when Mathias put his hands on his thighs. His fingers were crossing tightly with nervousness and insecurity.

“I never… I never thought that you were the person who didn’t want to be responsible for your work. I’ve seen all your efforts to the profession since the first time I worked with you. I’ve seen how hard you concentrated on this case. I know you take the client seriously, otherwise you wouldn’t turn on the phone after work. But, if you are tired or sick, it doesn’t matter to take a rest, isn’t it? I just consider that you are tend to keep in good health to finish your work, or, fulfill your promise. After all, this is what you persist for several years…” he opened his hands, having no idea where to place them. He felt a bit of emptiness, “do you recall the case one year ago?”

“…Yes, as you thought,” Kristina moved her hands gently into his palms, “but… whom Ms. Palmer has to raise are twins.”

“Well, got it, one more kid,” he caressed his hair and laughed awkwardly, maybe it was because of the lack of water, “then… if you win the lawsuit, she will have a hard time with her children.”

“I believe she has prepared herself.”

“That’s true, or you wouldn’t take the case.”

She finally smiled in the first time in the morning. It was a small smile but warm and bright. She knew the man who was holding her hands would never ever miss it out.

“I have to apologize too, sorry to keep you worried, it’ll not happen again.”

“Hmmm I hold my reservations about that,” Mathias raised an eyebrow, but he could never keep a straight face for too long. After a few seconds, he started to chuckle, “so you decide to stay at home today?”

Kristina nodded.

“Will you ask Tina to send you another document?”

She suddenly held back a hand then smacked his arm.

“Hey this is just kidding! …Um, not yet, honestly I have a feeling that you’ll tend to do it if… Sorry I am wrong I’ll shut up now,” Mathias grabbed Kristina’s hand, tightening and put it in front of his face, “You know our office is running a project now… but once I finish today’s work, I’ll come home as soon as possible.”

“You are too nervous, it’s not having a baby.”

“Surely we can have a baby! If you want, after these days pass, we can make one imme…sorry,” he blocked the flying pillow, left a light kiss on Kristina’s cheek, “I’ll go to your office first, you know, ask for your leave today… what do you wanna eat? I’ll bring it home tonight.”

“Brownie?”

“Chocolate is prohibited.”

Aw, how rare he could see her childish disappointed face, “Well, then… anything you like, from Françoise’s bakery.”

“Huh, designated store, right?” Mathias scratched Kristina’s palm slightly, “then, Miss Kristina Oxenstierna, my dear lady, your super assistant, Mathias Densen, has thoroughly prepared to finish today’s missions!”

“You engineer have an assistant part-time job?”

Mathias stood up, gave her a wink and managed to dress. Kristina tried to get out of bed and ease herself when her boyfriend was wearing his trench coat. They exchanged a kiss before Mathias went out. The door opened and closed soon. The space indoor gradually sank into the silence and the sunlight.

It was still annoying to endure the uncomfortable and count down until the period passed, however, it was kinda worth to look forward to this time. Kristina wrapped herself in a blanket, put on the mug and sipped the hot drink.

End. Oct. 21. 2017. (translated into English at Mar. 01. 2018.)

(bonus((??)

Dan has called nyo!Fr and ordered some mini apple pies before work. It’ll be on time to pick it up after leaving office X)

*Also on https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12854022/1/Morning

*The origin Chinese version click here (if anyone has interest in :/)

*Ms. Palmer is an OC and yes,  Françoise is nyo!Fr. She was once Kristina’s client but soon they became friends.

[outpostsofbabel]

Demigods and Semi-devils, Chapter II (XII)

Duan Yu heard two people enter the hall. A man’s voice said: “Madam.” Duan Yu peered out through the crack between the door and wall. He saw a man in his thirties who was dressed like a servant, and who looked anxious and frightened. There was another man, all in black, who was very tall and thin. He was looking outside, and Duan Yu could not see his face. This man’s hands, hanging by his sides, were as large as small fans. The backs of his hands were covered with green veins. Miss Zhong’s father has such large hands, Duan Yu thought.

“Jin Xier is dead? What happened?” Mrs Zhong asked.

The servant replied: “Master sent the two of us to the north dwelling to welcome guests. He told us that there would be four guests. This afternoon, the first guest arrived. He said that his name was Yue. Master had told us that the one named Yue was to be addressed as ‘Third Master’. Jin Xier went forth to greet him, and politely addressed him as such.

“But the man leapt up in anger and shouted: ‘I am Second Master Yue! Why did you call me Third Master? You disrespected me on purpose!’ He struck Jin Xier, who fell to the ground, bleeding.”

Frowning, Mrs Zhong said: “How unreasonable! When did Third Master Yue become Second Master Yue?”

“Third Master Yue has always had a bad temper, and he is quite deranged,” said Mr Zhong, turning around.

Duan Yu’s eyes widened in shock. Mr Zhong had a long, horse-like face. His eyes were set very high up on his head, while his large round nose and mouth were squeezed together near the bottom. Because of this, there seemed to be a large swathe of empty space between his eyes and nose. Who would have thought that the pretty Zhong Ling’s father would be this ugly? It was lucky that she took after her mother, and did not resemble her father at all.

Mr Zhong had looked rather displeased, but as he turned around to meet his wife’s eyes, his expression softened. His ugly face took on a certain tenderness as he said: “A lout such as Third Master Yue might scare you. I have not let him into the valley because of this. Don’t bother yourself over such small matters.”

Mrs Zhong was terrified when she heard her husband coming, Duan Yu thought. But he is looking at her with nothing but love and reverence.

“How is that a small matter?” Mrs Zhong replied. “Jin Xier has been a loyal and honest servant for many years, and now he has gotten killed by your brutish friend. It is hard for me to take.”

“Yes, yes, you empathise with the servants,” said Mr Zhong, smiling. “It is your good heart.”

Addressing the servant, Mrs Zhong said: “Lai Fuer, what happened next?”

“Jin Xier was still alive after his beating,” Lai Fuer said. “I cried out: ‘Second Master, Second Master, do not be angry!’ The man named Yue laughed. I helped Jin Xier up, and brought the guest food and drink.

“He asked me: ‘Why... why has Zhong not come to receive me?’

“I said: ‘Our master did not know of Second Master’s arrival, or he would have come to receive you in person. I will bring him the news right away.’

“The man nodded, and he looked at Jin Xier who was standing in a corner trembling. He said to him: ‘You’re silently cursing me for that blow I gave you just now, aren’t you?’

“Jin Xier quickly said: ‘No, no! I would not dare, I would never dare.’

“The man went on: ‘You must be thinking that I am a wicked man, as wicked as they can get. Ha!’

“Jin Xier replied: ‘No, no! Second Master is a great good man, and not wicked at all.

“The man scowled then, and shouted: ‘Are you saying that I am not at all wicked?’

“Jin Xier was so frightened that he was shaking all over. He said: ‘You... Second Master... is not at all evil, not... not even a bit.’ At this, the man bellowed in rage. His hand suddenly shot out and broke Jin Xier’s neck...” The servant’s voice was quavering, and he was obviously still shaken by the incident.

Mrs Zhong sighed and waved her hand. “You have had a fright. Go and rest a while.”

“Yes, madam,” Lai Fuer said, leaving the chamber.

Mrs Zhong shook her head and sighed again. “My heart is greatly unsettled. I need some quiet.”

“Yes,” her husband replied. “I am going to see Third Master Yue, and make sure that he doesn’t cause any more trouble.”

“Please, call him Second Master Yue.”

Mr Zhong snorted. “He may be fierce, but I am not afraid of him. He has come from afar to aid me, and for that I will not quibble with him over the Jin Xier matter.”

His wife shook her head again. “We two have lived here in this valley for ten years, and in that time, I have not set foot out of the valley once. Why are you still not satisfied? Why must you invite the Four Brigands here, creating such a rumpus? You... always speak to me with sweet words and a honeyed tongue. You actually don’t care about me at all.”

“How... how have I not cared about you?” Mr Zhong said hurriedly. “Have I not invited these four men here because of you?”

Mrs Zhong made a small noise of disapproval. “For me? Well, I thank you then. If you really wanted to do something for me, you would listen to me and send the Four Brigands packing.”

In the next room, Duan Yu was listening to this conversation with some incredulity. That Third Master Yue killed someone for no reason at all, and indeed that is the height of wickedness. Could there be three other people as wicked as he?

Mr Zhong strode up and down the room, saying angrily: “The one named Duan has disgraced me. If I, Zhong Wanchou, do not avenge that wrong, how will I ever face the world?”

So your name is Zhong Wanchou? Zhong of Ten Thousand Grievances? Duan Yu thought. Now that is a rather inappropriate name. As they say, feuds are easy to start but difficult to end. It is a terrible thing to bear one grudge - what more ten thousand? No wonder you have such a long face. For someone with your looks to marry someone as beautiful as Mrs Zhong is a great blessing. You should change your name to Zhong Wanxin, Zhong of Ten Thousand Blessings.

Frowning, Mrs Zhong replied coldly: “It is me you hate, and not him. If you wanted to make things difficult for him, you could go to his home. Victory could be decided with your fists. You’re getting help from other people. Even if you win, what glory will there be in it?”

Green veins stood out on Mr Zhong’s forehead as he cried: “Do you know how many footsoldiers and petty generals he has under him? Even if I wanted to spar with him in single combat, he is always hiding away somewhere. What can I do about that?” Mrs Zhong bowed her head and said nothing, tears falling onto the silk of her tunic.

“I’m sorry, Bao, there now, don’t be angry,” Zhong Wanchou said hurriedly. “I shouldn’t have raised my voice at you.” Mrs Zhong was still silent, although the tears fell faster. Mr Zhong scratched his head, grimacing in distress. “Bao, please don’t be angry. I couldn’t control myself, it was terrible of me.”

“You have never forgotten what happened then,” Mrs Zhong said in a low voice. “My life barely has any meaning. Why don’t you just kill me now and end it here? Then you won’t be so unhappy all the time. Just go and marry another beautiful woman.”

Mr Zhong hit himself twice on his face. “I’m sorry, it was terrible of me.”

Duan Yu could not help but let out a chortle when he saw the man hit himself on his long, horse-like face. But the moment the sound left his mouth, he knew he was in trouble. He hoped that Zhong Wanchou had not heard it, but the man shouted: “Who is that?” He kicked the room door open with a crash and stormed into the room.

Duan Yu felt a hand grasp him by the scruff of his neck and haul him out of the room. He fell heavily on the floor and stars swam before his eyes. He felt as though every bone in his body had been broken.

Zhong Wanchou hoisted him up again with one hand, bellowing: “Who are you? What were you doing hiding in my wife’s room?” A cloud of suspicion came across his face as he saw that Duan Yu was young and good-looking. He turned to his wife. “Bao, you... you... again....”

“What do you mean, ‘again’?” Mrs Zhong said, annoyed. “Let him down; he came here bearing news.”

“What news?” Zhong Wanchou roared, still holding Duan Yu high above the ground. “You foppish little dandy, you’re clearly up to no good. What were you doing skulking around in my wife’s room? Spit it out! If you even try to lie, I’ll smash your head to smithereens, just like a pumpkin seed.” He slammed his hand down with a crash, breaking a pearwood table nearby.

Duan Yu was still sore from the fall. Now he had been lifted, struggling, into the air, and Mr Zhong seemed to suspect that something was going on between him and his wife. Furious, he shouted: “My surname is Duan, and if you want to kill me, hurry up and do so. What nonsense are you spouting?”

Zhong Wanchou brandished his fist. “You little wretch, you’re called Duan as well?” he shouted. “Duan again... Duan again!” His rage suddenly melted into misery and tears welled up from his large round eyes.

Duan Yu suddenly felt pity for this large man. He must know that he was unable to match up to his wife in terms of looks or talent, which explained his jealousy of a complete stranger. It was, in fact, rather pathetic. Duan Yu forgot that his life hung in this man’s hands. In a gentle, comforting voice, he said: “My surname is Duan, but I have never seen Mrs Zhong before today. There is no need for you to be suspicious or upset.”

The big man’s face lit up. “Really?” he said in a hoarse voice. “You’ve never... you’ve never seen Bao before?”

“I have not been in this place for more than an hour,” Duan Yu replied.

Zhong Wanchou’s mouth cracked open in a grin, and he laughed. “Right, right, Bao has not left this valley for ten years. Ten years ago, you were just eight or nine years old. Naturally, you couldn’t have... couldn’t have...” But still he held Duan Yu suspended in the air.

Mrs Zhong’s face was flushed. “Put Young Master Duan down!” she said.

“Of course, of course,” Mr Zhong said hurriedly. He gently lowered Duan Yu to the ground. Then suddenly, his face clouded over with suspicion again. “Young Master Duan? Young Master? Who... who is your father?”

If I lie again, it would seem as though I had a guilty conscience, Duan Yu thought. So he said: “I did not tell Mrs Zhong the truth earlier on. I should not have hidden the truth. My name is Duan Yu, styled Heyu. I am from Dali. My father’s name is Zhengchun.”

Zhong Wanchou had not fully absorbed what Duan Yu said about his father when Mrs Duan burst out in a shaky voice: “Your father is... is Duan... Duan Zhengchun?”

Duan Yu nodded. “Yes!”

“Duan Zhengchun!” bellowed Zhong Wanchou in a voice that shook the rafters. His face had turned red and he was trembling violently. “You... you are the son of that dog, Duan Zhengchun?”

“How dare you insult my father?” Duan Yu cried furiously.

“And why shouldn’t I dare?” Zhong Wanchou shouted back. “Duan Zhengchun, you dog, you scoundrel, you bastard!”

Duan Yu realised it then. The sign outside saying: “Those named Duan who enter this valley will die,” must have been put up because he hates my father. He has extended that hate to all who share his name. He said out loud in a stern voice: “Mr Zhong, if you bear a grudge against my father, you should confront him and settle it there. If you have the guts, insult my father to his face. What kind of hero or good man insults someone behind his back? My father is in Dali City. It is only too easy to track him down. Why hang such a sign outside your own door, saying that those named Duan who enter this valley will die?”

Zhong Wanchou’s face paled, then reddened again. Duan Yu’s words seemed to have struck him to the quick. Staring daggers at Duan Yu, he raised his fists to kill the younger man. But then, with two loud crashes, he took out his rage on nearby chairs instead. At the same time, he lashed out with his foot, kicking a hole in the wall.

“I’m not afraid of losing to your father,” he cried. “I... I’m just afraid... afraid that your father will find out... find out that Bao is living here...” His voice took on the quality of a sob, and he hid his face in his hands. “I’m a coward, I’m a coward!” He ran from the room. Crashes from beyond sounded as though he was stumbling into many bookshelves, flowerpots and benches along the way.