#who in their right minds would want a family when the only frame of reference they have is… this

[myname-isnia]

I’ve spent the entire day carefully avoiding triggering any negative emotion in myself because the PMS is hitting me hard and I’m genuinely tired of being hysterical all the time, only for my family to come along and shatter all that effort into TINY LITTLE PIECES

[genshin-scenarios]

the skip of a heart (lyney x reader)

Summary: Where you were picked as the volunteer of the magic show where things went Completely Wrong, Lyney is barely keeping it together during his trial. Thankfully, you return to the court safe and sound by the end.

Content warnings: Major spoilers for Fontaine's archon quest, Act 1. Do not read further if you don't want to get spoiled, this fic heavily references the main plot relating to Lyney. Angst, reader is fine but characters are going through it, thinking you might be dead.

Wordcount: 1733

Once upon a time, when Lyney was still telling himself that he simply wanted to befriend you, he’d invited you onstage during one of his magic shows and slipped a card into your pocket. You only noticed it after returning to your seat.

He made the card seem important enough that you’d stayed back to return it to him. Sly as Lyney was, he thanked you for being so vigilant before twirling said playing card between his fingers, only to turn into a Rainbow Rose.

You left the theater one rose richer and with butterflies in your stomach, not daring to touch your hair in case the flower he’d tucked behind your ear would fall out. You wonder what you looked like to Lyney in that moment, eyes wide and cheeks burning as he bore his gaze into you, watching for your reaction. 

He had the audacity to let his fingers linger against your face, hesitate, and then finally fall back to his side. He could tell himself that this was just a fleeting adoration, but deep down he knew his sister’s musings were right; he was a puppet that did not know how to attach his strings loosely. 

If he were to pick another that could move his heart, mind, or soul, it would be through meetings that made him smile like a fool until it was too late - tangled and inexplicably bound to an affection that was addictive as much as it was suffocating, after Lyney realized the extent of how much he’d grown to look forward to the next time he’d see you. If he went without it for too long, he might just forget how to breathe.

Breathe. He wills his hands from shaking, then crosses his arms when it doesn’t work. Lyney is trying his best to answer the officer’s questions, but the image of the water tank crashing onto the stage is seared into his mind.

Breathe, breathe, breathe. Their body wasn’t found. They aren’t dead. 

If it wasn’t for Lynette grabbing onto him as soon as they were escorted for the investigation, Lyney thinks he might’ve been petrified even longer on the spot. Then their enemies - whoever plotted to sabotage and frame them - would see him. See the fear in his eyes. See him go from a capable, untouchable magician to a child lost on a dark, dark night.

He thinks he might’ve gone numb; a delayed reaction with denial and a racing heart, and something like fear but worse tightening around his chest. No one can tell except for Lynette, who covers for him. Who holds his hand between them so they don’t tremble. Who tells him not to jump to conclusions because he is not in control of everything, and this is not his fault.

The officer thinks it's about the show. Some others might know you were acquainted with Lyney. Only his family knows that he’s in love.

He hates it. He hates it. He tries not to think about you because if he did, his mind is only going to spiral, and that wouldn’t help with finding you. He’s not allowed to partake in the investigation because he’s a suspect. He can only rely on the Traveler to figure it out.

Lyney wishes it was him instead of you. An unreasonable part of himself just wants to set the theater ablaze. He hates always being the one that’s left in the end, the room losing its audience members. Why is it always everyone else that’s taken instead of him? Why does he always chase after the trails left by villains with the weight of the world on his back, praying he can rescue his loved ones before it’s too late?

-

When you finally come to, you realize you’re in an attic above the stage.

After entering the box and having water fall on you, you were understandably panicked and made a noise loud enough to alert Lyney’s assistant. As the story goes, you put up a fight and managed to knock Cowell out by hitting an item against his head. And just as you managed to shove him back inside the box to make sure he didn’t come and attack you again, you were searching for a way out before touching something in the room that teleported you to a foreign space; dark and dusty and cramped, before a wave of nausea from the teleportation device hit you all of a sudden. The next thing you recall upon waking up is hearing voices from the floor underneath you, quiet and tense.

“Can anyone hear me?” You try calling out for the tenth time, knocking against the wooden ground in hopes that it could be audible by whoever’s on the other side. The most you managed to find in the darkness was a door on the ground, the bolts and handle rusted shut with age. There are some pamphlets of performances from very long ago and many cobwebs, meaning that this place had probably been abandoned years ago.

If it’s between your life or your dignity, you’d much rather live to see another day. Bracing yourself, you start shouting at the top of your lungs, occasionally knocking on the ground in hopes the ruckus will alert anyone.

The voices of two men start to float to your ears, to which you desperately pause and rush closer to the bolted door. 

“I could’ve sworn I heard something here.”

“It couldn’t be a hidden assassin, could it?”

“Hello?! I’m trapped up here!” You call out, feeling lightheaded from all the shouting. Your body is starting to give into the exhaustion of fighting off Cowell and finding yourself up here, but you pray the adrenaline lasts just long enough for you to be rescued. “I’m the volunteer from the stage! Cowell’s in the box, isn’t he? He was acting really suspicious earlier!”

A shuffle can be heard from below, closer now. With your heart in your throat, you continue so that they can follow your voice. “There’s a doorway here that’s been rusted shut. I can’t open it from my side!”

Finally, just below you, the male voices yell back. “...Found it! They’re here!”

“Please move away from the door! We’ll try to force it open. Demoiselle, please cover your ears.”

“Are you… Oh, be careful!”

With four resounding blasts, you can see the metal ridges of the door bend against the bullets’ force. Then, with a resounding kick, a claymore flies from below and stabs through the wood, followed by the glow of geo that demolishes it into nothing. 

Greeted by the sight of Navia and her attendants, you’ve never felt more glad to see another person.

-

In hindsight, you’re sure the sudden sounds of gunfire from the back of the theater must’ve been a shock to those overseeing Lyney and Lynette’s trial. But honestly, with all that they’ve been falsely accused of, you can only hope they find some entertainment value in your dramatic entrance. 

Though Navia was doing most of the talking, you explained what happened and the mysterious trinket that might’ve been an old and forgotten device (or escape route for Cowell, you had no clue) - all the while trying not to glance over at Lyney too much in case the court would take that as bias. 

When the proceedings finally end and you’re reeling in the post-trial emotions of how it went, what you didn’t expect was for Lyney to practically barrel into you once the officials were out of sight, arms wrapped around your shoulders and clutching onto you so tightly, it was as if he was afraid you might disappear again.

The moment you feel his warmth embrace you, the strong front you put up finally melts away as your legs weaken and exhaustion hits the both of you. Hiding in each other’s arms, you squeeze Lyney back just as tightly.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Lyney can’t seem to stop repeating those words, hugging you even tighter. You run your fingers through his hair to calm him down. “I thought you were gone.”

“And leave you with a criminal crawling in your midst?” You reply softly, a weak smile on your lips as you pull away to look Lyney in the eyes. “I was more worried about what Cowell might be up to. It’s a good thing I wasn’t Fontaine-born, huh?”

“Don’t even joke about that.” He takes your hands in his, then reaches out to run them over your shoulders, and arms, lightly turning you around so that he could check over you. “Are you feeling okay? Do you have a headache? Fever?”

“You might be the one with the fever.” You place your hand on his forehead, watching him melt against you. It’s a little hotter than it should be, even with his pyro vision. “I’ll walk you and Lynette back, okay?” You plan to take care of them too, though Lynette might just appreciate a quiet teatime while her brother might be properly sick from worry. You haven’t seen him this disoriented before, too distracted for any semblance of his usual grandeur.

Though… From what you remember, you like this side of Lyney just as much, if not a little bit more. The side of him that’s just Lyney, behind the magic and charms worn on his sleeve. 

You make sure to be within Lyney’s line of sight while you’re at their home. While he doesn’t say it, you know it’s the next closest thing (other than physical contact) that reassures him you’re safe. So you and Lynette keep the door open while you prepare tea. And after Lyney’s recovered a little from sleeping, you spend the rest of the day just chatting and lounging around. 

Perhaps it’s because of the incident, but Lyney is a little clingier than usual. Within the safety of his own room, he tucks his head into the crook of your neck, arms hugging you from behind. You’re reading a book together, kind of. It’s your turn to grow sleepy after the long day with a human heater pressed against you, and Lyney’s more than happy to place a blanket over the both of you as you nap the evening away. 

You’ll be lucky if you can escape his arms the morning after. Lyney’s never been easy to wake up in the morning, especially if it’s to keep you in bed.

[bonefall]

So, I'm writing an essay on the whole STATE of misogyny in WC for one of my university classes, and I was wondering if I could ask you a couple of things! No pressure of course, please feel free to say no!

A) Could I reference your good takes with appropriate harvard referencing and links back to your blog?

B) Are there any specific moments from the books that you think should be covered the most?

C) The end result will be a visual essay, so it's like those fun infographics people on Tumblr make on like ADHD and stuff, so when it's done, would you like to be tagged to read it?

(Sorry for anon, I'm nervous lmao, but if you'd be more comfortable I'll resend this off anon)

AAY good topic! You've got a lot to work with. Absolutely feel free to reference anything I've written, and tag me when you're done.

While you're here and about to write something so legitimate, I'm also going to recommend you check out Sunnyfall's video on gender in Warrior Cats. She breaks down the arcs into numbers, directly comparing the amount of lines mollies have to toms, and examining the archetypes women are usually allowed to be.

I think it's a must-have citation in a paper about WC misogyny.

...and, I think it's insightful to look at the WCRP Forum thread about the video. Note how the respondents immediately come into the thread to complain about how the video is too long so they didn't watch it, dismissing Sunnyfall as not being entertaining enough to hold their attention, even whining that she starts with statistics to prove her point, which I'm convinced she did exactly because they would have cried that she "had no evidence" if she didn't.

I am not a scholar, so I don't know how to document or prove that the books have an impact on the audience outside of anecdotes. But I think if you do write a section about fandom, it would be worth mentioning the in-universe and metatextual apologia for Ashfur and its reflection in the real world discourse, the authorial killing of Ferncloud because of fan complains, and the utter defensiveness against the discussion of misogyny you see outside of Tumblr.

You may also want to check out Cheek by Jowl, a collection of 8 essays about sexism in xenofiction by Ursula K. Le Guin. There's a very unique manifestation of authorial bias in animal fiction, having a lot to do with how the author views "the natural world," and it's worth understanding even though Warrior Cats are so heavily anthropomorphized.

So... Warrior Cats Misogyny

I think discussing individual instances can be helpful, but I'd implore you to keep in mind what's REALLY bad about WC's misogyny is framing and the bigger picture.

Bumble's death is shocking and insulting, but it's not just that she died. It's that the POV Gray Wing sees her as a fat, useless bitch who took his mate so she deserves to be dragged back to a domestic abuser, and he's right because the writers love him so much. It's that Bumble's torture and killing only factors into how it's going to hurt a man's reputation.

It's how Clear Sky hitting, emotionally manipulating, or killing the following women,

Bright Stream (pressured into leaving her home and family)

Storm (controlled her movements and yelled at her in public)

Misty (killed for land, children stolen)

Bumble (beaten unconscious, blamed nonsensically on a fox)

Alder (child abuse, hit when she refused to attack her brother)

Falling Feather (scratched on the face, subjected to public abuse and humiliation)

Tall Shadow (thrown into murderous crowd, attacked on-sight in heaven)

Rainswept Flower ("blacked out" in anger and murdered in cold blood)

Moth Flight (scratched on the face for saying denying medical treatment is mean, taken hostage in retaliation against mother for the death of his own child, which he caused)

Willow Tail (eyes gouged out for "stirring up trouble")

Is seen as totally understandable, forgivable, or not even questioned at all, when killing Gray Wing in an act of rage would have been "one step too far" with the ridiculous Star Line.

"Kill me and live with the memory, and then let the stars know it would only matter if a single one of your murder victims was a man."

It's the way that fathers who physically abuse their kids out of their ego (Clear Sky, Sandgorse, Crowfeather) aren't treated anywhere near the same level of narrative disgust and revulsion the series has for "bad moms", even if they're displaying symptoms of a post-partum mood disorder (depression, anxiety, and rage), an umbrella of mental illnesses 20% of all new mothers experience but are heavily stigmatized with (Sparkpelt, Palebird, Lizardstripe).

It's Crookedstar's Promise giving him two evil maternal figures in a single book, while bending over backwards to make every man in a position of power still look likeable in spite of the fact they're enabling Rainflower's abuse. Leader Hailstar is soso sorry that he has to change Stormkit's name for some reason, in spite of leaders being unaccountable dictators the other 99% of the time, and Deputy Shellheart functionally does nothing to stop his own son from being abused or even do much parenting before or after the fact.

It's the way men's parental struggles are seen sympathetically, and they don't have to "pay for it" like their female counterparts (Crookedstar's PPD vs Sparkpelt's PPD, how Daisy and Cinders are held responsible for Smoky and Whisper being deadbeats, Yellowfang's endless guilt for killing her son vs Onestar's purpose in life to kill his own), even to the point where a father doesn't have to have raised their kids at all to have a magical innate emotional connection to them (Tree's father Root, Tom the Wifebeater, Tigerstar and Hawkfrost).

It's less speaking lines and agency for female characters, being reduced to accessories in the lives of their mates and babies, women getting less diversity in their personalities, with even major ex-POV characters eventually becoming "sweet mom" tropes.

You could zoom in on any one of these examples and have an amoeba try to argue with you that "Oh THIS makes sense because X" or "Ah well my headcanon perfectly explains this thing" or "MY mother/girlfriend was abusive/toxic/neglectful and I've decided that you are personally attacking ME by having issues with how a character was written or utilized," but the beleaguered point,

That I keep trying to hammer in, over and over, across books worth of posts,

Is that these are trends. More than just a couple one-off examples. It's the fabric that has been woven over years, showing a lack of interest in, or even active prejudice of, women on behalf of the writers.

LONG STANDING trends, which have only gotten worse as the series progressed. From Yellowfang being harshly punished with a born evil son who ruins her life in TPB and the mistreatment of Squirrelpaw that begins in TNP, all the way up to the 7 Fridgenings of DOTC and Sparkpelt's PPD being a major character motivator for her son Nightheart.

So, I would stress that in your paper, and structure it less as "the Sparkpelt slide" and "the Yellowfang slide," and more as "The paternal vs maternal abuse" slide, and "the violence against women" slide. They're really big issues, there's tons of examples for each individual thing.

Anyway to leave off on a funny, look at this scene in Darkest Hour that I find unreasonably hilarious,

"Everyone who matters to me; my truest friend, my sensible and loyal warrior, the wisest deputy I've ever known, and 2 women." -Firestar, glorious idiot

He can't even think of a single trait for either of them what the hell does "formidable pair" mean lmaooo, when I finished a reread about a year ago this line killed me on impact.

[2btheanswertothequestion]

Lesson/Plan

Kissing Lesson #2

(Lesson 1 | AO3)

Eddie has a problem with obsessiveness. If he finds something he likes, he holds onto it. Delves deep. Becomes an expert. Previously, his obsessions were regular things that anyone with a modicum of taste might enjoy. Fantasy books. Heavy metal. DnD, naturally. All tangible-ish and accessible to him. Currently, he's not so fortunate. Because his latest obsession?

Kissing.

More precisely, it's kissing Steve Harrington.

Yeah. 'Shoot for the moon,' they said. 'You might land among the stars,' they said. Only he boarded a spaceship and didn't notice until he was walking on the sun, somehow making it back to Earth without burning up. And now… now he can't stop thinking about how to make a repeat trip.

He truly has no idea how. Zero fucking clue is what he has.

He's never done this before, y'see; he doesn't know how to proceed. Is it off-putting in the wrong way if he went up to Steve, his good buddy, and told him the friendly French kiss they shared changed Eddie's life? And yes, Eddie has no frame of reference, but he's nevertheless certain that no one else will come close to what Steve did to him. Is he allowed to admit that? That his first kiss is bound to be the best he'll ever have unless Steve kisses him again?

Everything Eddie knows about the world tells him that, were he to do that, his next kiss would be with a fist. Although, everything he knew about the world got sort of turned upside down mere months ago. Not just regarding the existence of monsters and mind-raping lichs, but also telepathic teens, reanimated sheriffs, Russians, and jocks who are nice. And considering it was the aforementioned nice jock's idea to kiss in the first place…

So, yeah. Pardon him for being slightly confused about stuff. Especially since Steve doesn't seem to share the confusion. No, see, Steve's gone on like usual, to the point where Eddie might've convinced himself it was a dream if Robin hadn't given him knowing looks afterward. Which means Steve told her. That's fine. Eddie expected nothing else. He hasn't told anyone yet – needs to keep this close for a while longer, roll it between his palms to get a better feel – but it's good to know he could without upsetting Steve.

Then, the remaining question is: can he talk to Steve about it without upsetting him?

Only one way to find out.

The keyboard click-click-clicks as Steve helps a customer find a movie she's rented before but can't remember the name of. Eddie hangs at the side of the counter, waiting. His plan is foolproof: ask Steve while at work so, in the case of backfiring, he can flee, fake his death, and vanish forever before Steve clocks out. Unfortunately, Family Video is bizarrely busy this ordinary Wednesday, and Eddie's been passing time reading synopses of unshelved VHSes and trying not to get caught staring at Steve as he works.

At last, she leaves (the movie she wanted was Gremlins – who the fuck forgets Gremlins?), and Steve is free to also lean on the counter. It brings him into Eddie's space, close enough to speak softly and still be heard; close enough to kiss- No! Bad, Eddie! Talk first, then kiss (hopefully).

"Did you want something?" Steve asks. "Or are you hanging around for the view?"

If he only knew.

Dropping the VHS back in the pile, Eddie smiles like he's not developing stress ulcers at this moment.

"It's about what happened last week."

"What happened?"

"You know."

Eddie taps his own lips; Steve's eyes widen in understanding.

"Oh, yeah." He nods, unbothered, as if this happens to him all the time. Shit, maybe it does. "Yeah?"

What Eddie's supposed to ask is if a repeat is in the cards. What actually emerges when he opens his mouth is, "Was that a good kiss?"

Look, he's working his way toward it, all right?

Steve scoffs. "Of course. I wouldn't let your first be bad."

"Right. Then I'll categorize it accordingly," Eddie says gravely; Steve lovingly rolls his eyes. "And… how did I do?"

"With the…?" Now Steve taps his lips (plush, pink, peh-lease get your mind out of the gutter, Eddie). "S'all right. Better than all right! It was good. You were responsive. But, uh, kinda passive."

Eddie, who's leaned in with interest in the feedback, recoils indignantly.

"Passive?"

"Uh huh. Most girls enjoy when you take charge. But some chicks like to call the shots and be dominant."

Eddie scowls. "I didn't mean to be passive. I wasn't sure what I was doing, or what you'd be doing."

"That's understandable. I didn't mind it. It was…" Steve smiles, eyes heavy-lidded in a way that doesn't make Eddie's stomach flip, nope, not at all. "...a nice surprise for you to be so pliable."

Passive. Pliable. Those words and 'Eddie Munson' do not go together! He's a man of action, a doer! And yet. For another kiss or two? Eddie could be putty, if that's what he needs to be.

"So, you don't go for dominant chicks then, huh?" he asks.

"I didn't say that. I'm fine with either. A good kiss from the right partner is… I mean, I'm flexible."

Shrugging, Steve then gathers the returned tapes in his arms and starts reshelving them. Eddie trails behind him.

"I seriously could do better, you know," he says.

"Hey, it's okay," Steve says without looking up from the movie in his hand. "You were good. With practice, you could be amazing."

Jackpot. The conversation is heading where Eddie wants it to. Now he just needs to give it one last push…

"'Practice'." Eddie snorts derisively. "With whom?"

He's about to lay down the final breadcrumb and say 'with you?', but Steve is quicker on the ball – looking over his shoulder, eyebrow raised, he says:

"I said it was lesson one, right? Kinda shitty of me if I don’t follow through with lesson two."

Eddie’s eyes might just pop out of his skull, they're bugging so hard.

"You- Really?" he squeaks.

Steve nods absent-mindedly, rearranging two VHSes that were ordered wrong on the shelf. "Why not? It's not like my recent dates have been mind-blowing – I'm not missing out by hanging with you instead. Honestly, I'd rather spend time with you anyway."

That sonofabitch. He can't say stuff like that. Not to a dude he 1) knows is queer, and 2) is offering to provide tonsil-cleaning for as a friendly favor. If Eddie didn't know he was straight, he'd assume…

Well. He shan't look down that hole, lest he falls in. Dwelling on impossible what-ifs will only depress him.

"So," Steve says, depositing the last tape. "Tonight?"

Kissing while sitting is different from kissing while standing.

Duh, right? But it's not something that even entered Eddie's mind until it happened. He can't begin to describe the differences, though, so don't ask him to – he's too preoccupied with memorizing the shape of Steve's molars.

They got into it immediately. He expected a degree of awkwardness when rolling up for his 'lesson', but Steve apparently doesn't do 'awkward' when it comes to making out. He just invited Eddie inside, told him to sit, and planted one on him the moment he got comfortable.

It's good because it's straight to the point, removes the weirdness and potential second-guessing. It's bad because the responsible voice in Eddie's head (which has Wayne's twang, if anyone's wondering) insists they must talk about it for real at some point. At the moment, Eddie ignores it – he's climbed into Steve's lap and is straddling his waist. He's not interrupting this for anything.

It begins uncertain, him hovering and his hands gripping Steve's shoulders. But as Steve's hands roam over Eddie's thighs and cup his ass, he figures it's time to stop thinking so fucking much and simply do. He lowers himself on shaky legs and grinds their hips together until Steve moans into his open mouth. Steve holds him closer, tighter, trapping the heat between them. The mansion is chilly, but Steve is warm and Eddie is sweating, damp spots growing in his pits and on his back. He's a wreck, just like last time, head spinning and heart racing, and he wants to ruin Steve the way he's being ruined. Give as good as he's getting.

Digging his fingers into Steve's hair – upper layer stiff with hairspray but softer underneath – and tugs. Steve makes a delicious noise; Eddie tugs again, and louder. Eddie pushes into him, curls their tongues, bites at Steve's lip, licks roughly when he groans, and starts over, all while tugging, grinding, tugging, grinding.

Steve breaks the kiss. His eyes narrow suspiciously.

"This is because I called you passive, isn't it?"

He doesn't specify what 'this' is. He doesn't need to. Eddie smirks in lieu of an answer; Steve huffs.

"You're a brat," he says.

"That's no way to talk to your student."

"This is no way to act with your teacher."

"You're not really a teacher. What are your credentials? Do you have a diploma?" Eddie gasps, melodramatic. "I bet you're not even licensed! You're more like a tutor. The smartest kid in class hired to ensure I don't fall even more behind."

"Oh, I'm hired?" Steve pulls Eddie flush to his chest, needing to crane his neck to look Eddie in the eye. "What's my salary?"

Eddie rises to his knees. He quite likes being taller than Steve. Likes those huge hazels looking up at him, pupils swallowing the irises.

"We'll discuss the financial details later," he says. "The point is, I'm your boss."

Steve rolls his eyes. Then he heaves them both aside, slamming onto the couch with him on top. Eddie squawks, his head nearly thumping into the armrest.

"Shit!" Steve says, panicked. He cradles the back of Eddie's head. "I'm sorry, did I hurt you?"

Eddie laughs. "I'm fine, dude."

Steve frowns, delicately prodding Eddie's skull as Eddie shakes, strings of giggles spilling out. It wasn't every day he almost got brained on Steve Harrington's luxurious white sofa while Steve Harrington laid on top of him.

Satisfied that Eddie's laughing fit wasn't due to head trauma, Steve's expression shifts from contrite to tender. He brushes stray locks off Eddie's face, the touch featherlike. As if he's handling something valuable.

It creates a lump in Eddie's throat that aches. This experience is alien. Wayne, bless him, while loving, isn't the gentle or sentimental type. In Hellfire they trade benign roughhousing and the occasional clap on the shoulder. Dustin is the cuddliest of them, but there's a difference between little-brotherly hugs and the sensual caress from a beautiful man, muscles flexing as he holds himself up in order not to crush you.

Eddie tilts his head up and looks at Steve, thinking Come on, please? Reading him like a book, Steve reattaches their lips; swallows Eddie's sigh.

These kisses are slower, lazier. They take their time exploring each other's tastes (Steve's is minty). His hand finds Eddie's, fingers splaying along each other before interlocking. Breaking the kiss with a smack, Steve then trails his mouth from Eddie's jaw, pausing to give extra attention to the scars, to the crook of his neck, nuzzling deep. It tickles – Eddie giggles and tries not to squirm, lest Steve stops.

"Is it always like this?" he asks, voice breathy.

"No, not always," Steve murmurs against his skin. "Only when… I'll tell you later, okay?"

Eddie hums in agreement. All his brain power is dedicated to keeping his dick in line, because as accommodating as Steve's been, even he must have a limit. He must. And Eddie's betting that limit is someone else's boner poking his leg. Steve's not making it easy for him – he nips at Eddie's earlobe, which is oh so good, then licks circles over Eddie's pulse point, which is even better, Jesus Christ.

Try as he might to avoid it, his instincts win: Eddie's hips buck, his groin rubbing against Steve's thigh, and the friction. It's delicious. Superior to what his hand or any pillow has ever provided. He could come just like this.

Steve flinches away with a gasp. His hair is unkempt where Eddie has run his fingers, mouth red and wet from the necking. Hazy eyes focus on the bulge in Eddie's jeans; he figures this is it.

"Oh, yeah," Steve says, as if he just remembered where he left his keys. "We can make this lesson two."

Sliding back, he unbuckles Eddie's belt. Eddie lies frozen, gawking as Steve deftly opens the cuffs and pulls the strap out of his belt loops. This can't be happening. He's hallucinating. He really did hit his head on the armrest and is stuck in a fucked up coma dream. His subconscious is taunting him.

He says, "W-wait, what-"

"You don't want that?"

Steve's eyes are huge; he's pushing out his bottom lip in an adorable pout. But why is he making such a perfect impression of a kicked puppy now?

Eddie splutters. "Do you? Are you okay with this?"

"Yes?" Steve says, the 'duh' at the end unspoken but still so loud. Except there should be no 'duh' in this situation. The only way this could logically happen is if Steve asked Eddie to jerk him. The wrong person's pants are coming off!

"You don't want me to, um, to you?"

Steve blinks rapidly, long lashes fluttering with surprise. "You've done it before?"

Eddie glares at him. Of course he hasn't! Not to someone else. But, "Have you?"

"No," Steve says evenly. "But I've had it done to me. I know how to do it. I'll demonstrate and then you can try if you want."

And what is Eddie supposed to say to that? 'No, thank you'? Perhaps if he were a stronger man. Alas, he has smoker's lung and failed PE twice due to lack of attendance. He has the ability to muster strength for amp-carrying and little else.

He says, "O-okay."

Grinning victoriously, Steve pops the button on Eddie's jeans. Pulls everything down. Doesn't comment upon the X-Men print on the boxers. Regards Eddie's cock, at half-mast and growing, with a fiery resolve. He licks his lips.

Then he dives and takes the cock head in his mouth.

Eddie yelps when the warm wetness envelopes him. He'd flinch too, if Steve hadn't kept Eddie's legs and hips in place using his own weight. As it is, he can do nothing but gawk, mouth drying where it hangs open, as Steve bobs his head up and down Eddie's dick.

It feels wrong to watch. Like this isn't meant for Eddie, even if it directly involves him. He'd sooner shave off his hair than look away, though. This is the front-row seat to the show of his life; he doesn't give a fuck whether his name is on the ticket.

Steve goes slow and deep, hollowing his cheeks and swirling his tongue. Drool trickles from the corner of his mouth, gliding along the shaft.

Eddie's panting, chest heaving so fast his lungs barely have time to gather oxygen. The sweat is pouring, pooling by his neck and in his palm and on his forehead. His vision blurs and darkens; he blinks to clear it because he has to see this. Has to drink in every second because his gut is already tightening, balls drawing up.

Steve pulls off, gasping for breath, but quickly resumes, flattening his tongue and running it up and down Eddie's swollen cock, so ready to burst it's turning purple. Steve's eyes are molten gold when he catches Eddie's gaze. Sizzling and gorgeous; they make Eddie whimper. Steve smiles, lips shiny and cheeks flushed. Then he drags his tongue over the bulging vein on the underside of Eddie's cock, moaning in bliss.

Eddie comes, a high-pitched whine ripped from his throat. He sags into the couch cushions, boneless, too weak to watch Steve lap the sticky spunk off his softening dick, but perfectly able to feel it. So he lies, eyes closed, breathing and feeling, breathing and feeling.

When done cleaning, Steve crawls up the length of him to collapse half on top of Eddie, half wedged between him and the couch's backrest. His own erection bumps Eddie's hipbone.

Eddie slurs, "Hey, d'you wan' me to…?"

Steve chuckles and presses a kiss on Eddie’s jaw.

"Dude, you're so out of it. Give yourself a break first, and then we'll see. Maybe we'll do it next time."

"Okay," Eddie sighs.

He snuggles closer to Steve and his warmth. The living room lights are too bright and it reeks of sweat and come and a chill is settling on his dick since Steve didn't pull his pants back up. It's quiet, though, excepting Steve's soft breathing, and the way Steve is stroking Eddie's stomach is really nice.

He relaxes in Steve's embrace, thinking about next time.

------------------------------

No taglist this time; don't ask for one unless you want to vex me.

Lesson 3 (eventually)

[bitethedustfools]

TWST Story Idea (5)

A story where Yuu didn't tell anyone they were from another world, making some of their quirks seem strange. For instance, these quirks involved staring at beastmen too long, not knowing much history, and being unfamiliar with most plants.

It could be argued that Yuu was much worse off than Kalim since Yuu didn't know almost anything, but Kalim, even though occasionally wrong, had some knowledge.

This resulted in Yuu being an alien among everyone, so out of tune, so different, and very much out of place. Despite all of this, Yuu still had friends.

Yuu had friends who teased them for their quirks; Yuu could only smile at their friends. They were also dumb, but Yuu was even more dumb for not knowing things, and that's a fact.

Gradually, Yuu grew homesick, and everyone noticed that Yuu was acting weird. However, they didn't pay much attention to it because acting weird was common for Yuu.

Yuu, too, didn't mind that their friends barely cared about it because, after all, Yuu was just an outsider, and their behavior only intensified the homesickness.

Yuu started to develop nightmares. Every night they dreamed of their family, and no matter how many times Yuu reached out or how loudly they cried, their family couldn't hear or see Yuu. Yuu dreamed that they would never meet again, and that terrified Yuu the most.

Their friends were there for them despite the hurtful jokes, but still, the nightmares wouldn't stop. Yuu couldn't sleep well, and their homesickness grew as days went on.

Yuu ended up picking one of the many rooms in the ramshackle dorm and renovated it with a magical artifact that looked like a hammer, changing the room to resemble the one Yuu had back in their own world.

Nobody knew about the room except Grim, and Yuu firmly let Grim know that he wasn't allowed to enter or tell anyone. Yuu didn't have a cat before, and if Grim entered, he would ruin it. If Grim entered, he will reminded Yuu that this was not theit world, and the same went for the rest of them if they entered.

Though when Yuu finished, they found out that the room didn't do justice to the one they owned. Yuu couldn't change the window type or position, nor could they replace the wooden walls with bricks which Yuu settled with wallpapers. The pillows might be the same color, but they lacked the texture and still looked new compared to Yuu's old pillows that went out of shape from years of sleeping on them.

It wasn't the same, but this was the only thing Yuu had. It cured their homesickness just a little bit until it came back in full force one day.

The ghost camera in Yuu's hand could only take pictures in this world. Yuu had pictures of their friends and places, but there were no pictures of their family. Yuu couldn't even if they tried because Yuu was in another world. Yuu missed their family and feared that they probably wouldn't see and forget them.

So Yuu decided to draw in an effort to remember them. The problem was that Yuu was not an artist and had nothing but hazy memories of their family's faces as a reference. Yet, in Yuu's desperation and frustration, they kept drawing despite how none of the lines and shapes showed any semblance of their family's faces. Yuu had to be good at drawing and draw them right fast, or else, they would truly forget them.

Yuu drew until the room was full of sketches of their faces that were either stopped midway or too strange to be called a familiar face.

One day, the others took notice that Yuu could draw pretty well and jokingly asked Yuu to draw them. Yuu looked at them blankly and made a strange smile while declining.

Yuu's heart was a bit heavy. They wanted to talk to someone about their family; however, their friends didn't ask about the people in the drawing, so Yuu kept quiet.

Yuu put the family drawing in a frame and hung it on the wall of that room. The walls continued to hang a new drawing as days went on, and it became a routine for Yuu's gaze to sweep over their faces before sleep took them.

The yearning to go home doesn't stop here. Yuu had turned to eating foods that reminded them of home. Yuu absolutely refused the fancy delicious foods served and sold at the canteen. Yuu gave excuses to avoid eating the desserts made by Heartslabyul, declined the invitation to the Scarabia feast, and avoided going to Mostro Lounge.

A long time ago, Yuu would drool at the sight, excitedly line up to take the food, savor and gush over the new delicacies their tongue never tasted before, and never turn back offers of food since they didn't have money.

Instead, Yuu cooked the food themself, wanting to taste their mother's cooking that Yuu failed to achieve as they fumbled around their way in the small kitchen. Yuu tried to buy the ingredients from the Sam Mystery Shop and found that it was limited or just didn't exist. Yuu was desperate enough to taste-test the plants that didn't exist in their home but were sometimes used in alchemy.

Yuu's friends took notice of this once more and joked about how Yuu had become more diligent as a student. They mistook Yuu's actions as someone who wanted to improve their alchemy grade.

Days turned into months, almost a new year, and there was still no good news.

Yuu tried to cope with living in this world even if the yearning grew stronger. It was hard. Yuu had already surrounded themself with familiar things, and it killed them that Yuu was still stuck here, stuck with their own fantasy that they were truly home.

The homesickness got stronger, and Yuu felt so lonely, angry, and so many things at once.

Yuu began to detach, and this time, the others finally realized that there was something wrong.

[horizon-verizon]

Interview with a Vampire: Claudia

I watched this series a long time ago, both season, but I remember that I never expressed my disdain for Claudia-hate.

Some people argue Claudia had no right to be angry at Louis for telling Armand about Lestat...ugh.

While you may be part of a community, I don't think that means that said community has a right to force you to dehumanise yourself or to dehumanise/infantilize you. Or to ignore and dismiss what are very deep core, defining wounds in favor of their own "order". They know she is an adult and a community very much can change or shape itself towards some members' emotional needs as long as there's a unresentful understanding amongst all.

That play, if you notice, is basically describing--metaphorically--Claudia's existence, how others see her, how the coven members can and might abuse her, as well as foreshadowing the end of this story Claudia may have chosen to be a part of a coven, and specifically one in theatre, but she did not ask for infantilization. It's like if you have an insecurity and then tried to find a group to "belong" to, say a church community, but you find out right after you joined that you have to basically hone or perform your insecurity many times a week. For Claudia, that's x50. If you go back to the last episode, in the after credits, the directors and actors reveal that for the vampires, performing's only purpose is for them to be as they are (killing humans for glee, blood, etc.) while in front of the very humans they have to hide from so as to not be hunted or else.

Claudia has another layer of tragedy--her being a vampire adult stuck in an immortal body. And she has been forced into posing as a child for all of her vampire life, AND she has never been a human adult. While every other vampire she has met has at least experienced--even if they don't remember--what being a human adult was like and have carried whatever makes one "adult"/become physically "mature". Claudia is arrested in childhood not just physically of body but partially of mind, as you said. She has been trying to understand what it means to be a vampire and to be a realized vampire all this time, which is why she was so single-minded in finding other vampires--to find any frame of reference as well a a community that knows and appreciates their own vampire "self". So she could then find what she can be without it always going back to her entrapped state. Who is she, what is she? The girl who has never been "fully" mature? Who has only known adult" life as a vampire but is trapped with the form of the human self she no longer has any real attachment to? She quite literally doesn't have much clue what it's like being a more comparatively complex "human" (kids are still people, still complex, and have good cognitive skills) and has had no mental grasp or sensory experience of "humanness" to actively use when defining-measuring her own actions and self. Or others'. Other than the memories of an abusive aunt and a father who neglected her that are diluted to its most potent foundation of fear that obviously she nor others would want to dwell on, thereby making her even more focused on being a "vampire". There is quite literally nothing like the "leftover" shame Louis has from his mortal life in her, nor something else in the same "family" in potency.

Therefore she has no real interest or feeling of proximity or stake in understanding humanity nor her own proximity to the possible meanings of "humanity"--which explains her lack of patience or care or empathy for humans. She has nothing else but vampirism. So yes, there are more sticky, overlapping motivations for her "demanding" is not strictly the same sort of demanding as the kind of a child's natural forwardness, curiosity, & self-centeredness. Rather, this is a separate, related, and mutually informing phenomenon to how she is partially always a child with impulsive, demanding self-concern of a teen/child.

No one else has this sort of condition, even if they are also trapped in some ways and by their own actions. Only for her to be forced into playing a child in front of the very mortals she and the others do not think of as actual people. It is also like they are excluding her from their own process of self-actualization of vampirism, even inadvertedly. The effect is cruel and unnecessary. She can play a little person, or Armand can do as she asks and relegate her to the back, but he specifically states how he wont' bec "he said so", she should be "grateful", and that they are making a lot of money. As if that is actually why they perform in the first place. So, it's also form of exploitation. In a way, the coven is "feeding" off of her or she is going through special "punishment" before Armand actually punishes her. Child star, anyone? It's also interesting, considering how she is a walking violation of their laws, how they already show that they hate when their precious rules are broken, and how they resent Armand for making Louis just walk around breaking rules...she likely will/would have always been an outlier--socially--in the community she looked for all her life. So, they could also be said to take pleasure in her de-personing similarly to how they take joy/self affirmation when they kill humans onstage--"look at how we enforce our own laws, watch us punish this girl and watch as how we mock 'innocence', how opposed we are to the very concept." And they literally sucked the joy of performing from Claudia by trapping her in the performance she wanted to use to "free" herself--a thing she would have loved and thrived in, used to destroy her.

Claudia is in the most danger if the coven finds out abt Lestat, since Louis is at least in Armand's favor by having slept with him/Armand being in love w/him. And she is physically weaker, smaller as well as a literal "abomination". Louis using the reason of "you were unhappy" is simply not enough in the face of this danger mostly stacked against her, so his superior motivation is that he wanted to keep close to Armand. He had a whole year, mind you, to tell her Armand knows. S2Claudia is not the girl who kept secret the bodies of people she indiscriminately killed after her breakdown last season, which itself again was, as self-destructive and messy for not just her but Louis and Lestat, was a mental breakdown from THEIR actions in turning her as she is now that lead to her killing her first crush/how Lestat handled that. Yes, she needed to know her actions' consequences; however, with Lestat & Louis having not actually not engaging with her as a person but more an accessory-child so they could properly discipline her teenage-child stage, that was also most of their own doing. They needed to connect the consequences of their own actions to their actions that have lead them all to that point--w/o them, Claudia wouldn't have had to live as she did, and that will never change or not matter or not define why she does what she does! (btw, the first crush kill has its own plethora of meaning: it is when Claudia first really comes to realize that she is too dangerous to even that who she could love/value [like a child who's finally broken a much-loved thing what it did not fully internalize was the same as all the other things they did not "love"]).

Having read the book, this TV iteration Armand is not at all interested in really incorporating Claudia into the coven on her own merit, but just to keep Louis around, so he tolerates her emotions and psychological state even less. In fact, it works toward his benefit, bc it isolates her from Louis. I think it's good to remember that these people/vamps are not really trying to act in good faith to each other and might=right is what they really respond to unless they actually like you. Which isn't often.

Then there are those who question why Claudia is so fascinated and comes to trust Madeliene. And vice versa.

Claudia is fascinated by Madeline bc Madeline is a woman who really lives in her womanhood with no trace of self victimization or apologizing for it. Madeline actively listens to her, to her pain, Claudia is the interested in her own. Madeline is not distracted or putting anyone else above Claudia and is interested in what she has to say. It began with Claudia seeing how isolated the woman was in the other episode, how people tried to "warn" her away from her, and defying that boundary to see for herself what made this woman so ostracized. Like a teenager who doesn't like being told what to do (like Lestat), but also bc she had already desired to see herself in a dress that the woman was making that she wanted to use to see herself as she thinks of herself--a woman. You can compare it to how a trans person will wear clothes they/we see as "feminine" or "masculine" to identify and see their denied inner selves outwards. And the guy telling her not to enter likely re-reminded her of her limitations & childness. Also, Claudia cannot talk to other vampires both bc they are not interested and she would have to divulge information that could get her killed. Which makes Louis' telling Armand all the more enraging for her bc it's not just his secret but hers, she has been keeping the end of the silent deal they have to do so, and he never told her he was thinking of telling anyone--much less the vampire who could destroy them both consequently. In fact, Claudia is so much alike to Lestat. It is true that Claudia is trying to go back to Louis with how the coven is doing what they are doing, but she is very valid in that considering all the above and how we still expect our loved ones to have space for us when we see that the space we found with others is actually not conducive to our happiness or safety or mental stability--as the coven has proven to be and she instinctively knows but is clinging onto she has also felt Louis to be so unhappy even before they arrived at Paris (remember how he talked about wanting to go back home, how she was incessant in her search as if he resented her for the constant movement). In fact, it can be literally be life saving.

No, Madeliene is not a pedo nor does she only love or is attracted to Claudia bc she reminds her of her younger sister who she lost and their relationship re-fulfills a lonely failed-protector need in her. Just because you may not like her or understand why she has any appeal to anyone in the series or in real life, doesn't mean she has none nor that there isn't real meaning people get from her character.

Madeleine loves her, is loyal to her, and wants to be her vampire companion in any way--platonically or romantically--bec Claudia similarly rejects nothing about her when quite literally most people in Madeline's life has rejected-abused her or has died. Gender and sexism is a huge part of that; we see how Mad is dragged to the public and had her hair shaved in a public shaming for sleeping with the Nazi guy, and no I don't think sleeping with a Nazi soldier is morally unquestionable (at best), but the crowd's fury was not at her seeming inhumaness but them deciding to re-enforce a control over the female body. think Cersei's walk of shame, how that was clearly not about her murdering people but punishing her sexual decisions culturally denied to women. Would we really have seen a mal townsman be similarly shamed in public if he had slept with a Nazi lady spy or office worker, or the wife of a Nazi officer? A female Nazi officer?

Madeliene loves Claudia because despite all that Claudia has been through and still goes through, she is defiant and relatively easygoing (if people leave her be) and is as defiant as she is. She loves her strength and humor; is impressed by how Claudia is herself and relatively steady in her convictions to be herself. This inspires not just admiration but a faith that Claudia has an emotional steadfastness to be a "permanent" fixture in her life when change in Mad's life has mostly always been negative AND constant. Claudia is both intriguing, never boring, as well as immortal. Which goes back to why the book Mad wanted to be changed and be bk!Claudia's eternal companion--having lost her daughter and having lived her life forever haunted by the regret, she saw Claudia as a self restoration. With show Mad, she's also eager to leave behind human life not just for her lost sister but everything else on top of that. Where she would not have to be beholden to tragedy and have the vampire beauty and strength to be her "optimal" self. Humanity offered her nothing but pain and with the war, and thus far into her life as a dressmaker, she didn't seem to feel there was hope for an actually satisfying life...and without Claudia saving her from being raped, she def would have had an even worse life.

And she likes/is grateful for that Claudia is not put off by her own weirdness; Madeline is weird, she invited a vampire to suck her blood without really knowing beforehand what could happen to her aside from Claudia perhaps losing control and killing her accidentally. (No, I don't include her being dismissive and flippant with Armand when he was questioning her abt her readiness to become a vampire. One, she might have learned from Claudia abt his treatment of her and we already know that she puts Claudia before literally everyone else. Two, Armand may have been sincere in his desire to assess her and impart vampirism's bleakness, but he also was very clearly trying to intimidate her and it is very clear Madeline is not a person to take such things for long & unchallenged...she was nearly raped for it before. She's quite literally the definition of protecting any shred of dignity & happiness over he very life, she's just very...hard as reflective of her "dead" and disillusioned era. We have to remember that this is a time where people are coming back from a terrible world war and brought out the very worst in people--survivors aren't going to majorly be exactly pleasant to be around nor emotionally accommodating but challenge people to assess worth of personal investment.) If you really think abouu Claudia as a person instead of as an attachment or "obstacle" to LouisxLestat or some sort of "child", it's really not difficult at all why anyone could admire her. She could have folded at any time but she pushes on.

They match each other's "freak" AND sense of survivorship, basically.

Was it at first a little strange that she took an interest in Claudia before she ever saw her as a vampire or knew of her nature since Claudia is supposed to look like a teenager? And is Claudia's trappedness as adult-in-body define much of the material that developed into those traits I described? Yeah. But she's hardly a pedo if she has proven herself to see Claudia as an actual woman and treated her like she was one as if she instinctually knew she was (which is what I think happened)...unlike book Marius' weird attraction for kids.

[jacksmusesdrv3]

As ridiculous as this whole situation sounds - the ‘Who Would Let a Literal Gradeschooler Help Run a Company’ kind of bollocks - this... throws into sharp relief just how corrupt and twisted Tokuichi and Haiji both were.

See the way Haiji talks here: he proposes this idea that Monaca ‘took advantage of the position’, while in the same breath saying that he and his dad let her ‘do whatever’, just as long as she brought Towa Group good money. So in reality, they were the ones taking advantage of Monaca, using her for her genius. That’s how she even got that position in Towa Group to begin with.

Up until Monaca’s ‘promotion’, the family hated her and treated her terribly. The fact that they believed that her body was badly damaged, without even doing anything to confirm or treat it, would suggest that they were keeping her isolated at home while abusing her, and as such, didn’t want that to be found out. And this alone isn’t the entire story- remember that Monaca is an illegitimate child, and though Tokuichi hated her so, took her in anyway. There’s a good chance that he thought sending her to an orphanage would be the worst option for him, as opposed to keeping her hidden away in his sights. The only time the two were ‘nice’ to her was when she pulled the ‘paraplegic trick’ in order to make the others kinder to her, and sometime thereafter, her talents were put to use seemingly for the company’s sake.

It was as if the perceived injury shifted the balance of power in the family. With this in mind, as Haiji despised Monaca for being an ‘alien’, and with the added layer of her success over him, he painted her however he liked in his disgust, removing himself from the picture. The truth of the matter is that the two adults were the ones responsible for a terrible oversight that inflamed the Tragedy, but with Haiji’s antipathy towards Monaca’s existence, he doesn’t even want to associate with her, much less take accountability for her present situation.

The idea that Monaca would ‘one day ruin the family’ may have referred to her ‘bastard child’ status, but right here? It was because neither adult would take responsibility for her, and left her mind and talent open to a predator. Of course, it’s not like anyone who preyed on her before would care about such a thing happening, and they certainly wouldn’t frame their own behaviour as that, when it would be much more convenient to lump the blame on their victim.

Have a look at the memoirs of the Warriors of Hopes’ parents again, and see if you notice the distorted way they talk about their kids. If we wouldn’t take what they said at face value, why would we do the same with Monaca’s family?

[l4long-winded]

o.s. the plan mikey never got to

summary: you come across a picture of one of mikey's family members. he has to be careful not to think too much about carmen (implied carmen berzatto x afab!reader)

reflection: i had this idea in my head for a while now. like, imagine mikey wanting you and carmen to get together after he gets to know you? do you know how heartbreaking that would be? anyhow, i am taking requests if anyone is interested. please enjoy and feedback is always appreciated!

warnings: angst, depression, overthinking, avoidance, commentary on mental health, implied carmy x reader, carmen is not in this, this is probably set before the fishes episode in season 2, cursing, somewhat sad ending (please let me know if there are other warnings i need to add)

word count: 1,190

( this work has been cross-posted to ao3 )

“Who’s this?” You ask, raising the picture frame in your hand up for Mikey to see. He squints where he stands, his hands currently preoccupied with rubbing seasoning onto the rack of ribs in front of him. He recognizes the photo from the frame alone, dipping his head down to turn his attention to the meat instead of lingering his gaze for too long across the image.

“My brother Carmen,” he says, his tone short. It’s easier to attempt cutting that thread before it starts. He doesn’t blame you for your curiosity since you’re new to the Beef and therefore new to his family, but he’s not in the mood to discuss his brother at the moment. Truthfully, his mood’s allowed few discussions about anything of value for a long time, but he can’t dwell on it. He has over ten mouths to feed, the barbecue he’s hosting being his main priority.

As he washes his hands free of the paste constructed of seasonings and the sticky binder he used, he hears you speak again.

“He’s kinda cute,” you remark.

Mikey haphazardly dries his hands on his shirt, the sentence pulling a chuckle from the back of his throat. He looks at you properly, catching sight of how you’re still closely examining the picture. Before he can think about his strained sibling relationship, he notices how a light smile forms on your lips. You’re a hard worker and you learn relatively fast. He didn’t invite you here because he didn’t think you weren’t capable or competent. On the contrary, Mikey’s observed the twitch in your hands as you cut vegetables, how you slowly nod when he explains a recipe, and how you stay even after closing to take advantage of the available equipment under the guise of making conversation. Mikey knows the potential that seeps off you because he’s seen it before, he just didn’t know what point of reference he had in mind.

That is until he sees you nursing a picture of his brother. That’s right. That’s what it is. You remind him of Carmy. All earnestness in the kitchen, quiet but witty, and hankering on some underlying compassion that neither of you express in words, but through whatever it is you’re putting together in a culinary environment. You’re missing the temper, but Mikey isn’t the kind of guy to try and draw that out of you. The Bear will take care of reminding Mikey of it when he eventually comes home again.

“Think so? I have to warn you, he can be an asshole,” Mikey discards the ribs in favor of sauntering to where you are, grasping the photo out of your hands. He swallows thickly as he creates eye contact with picture-Carmy, the memory of the day coming back to him like a bad show tune.

“That’s what all siblings say. Tell me about him? I only knew you had a sister,” you encourage, leaning your lower back into the sofa behind you. Mikey sighs, scratching the back of his head and then the beard growing on his face. The point of shaving’s become lost to him.

“Uh, yeah,” he turns the frame back and forth in one hand, “we took this after we went to the Pier. He was being… he was being Carmy. Didn’t want the hassle of posing and holding still, had to talk him into it. Ma wanted a recent picture since his stubborn ass usually avoids them,” Mikey explains with a shrug of his broad shoulders. He places the picture frame back where you found it, taking a spot next to you after that. He mimics how you’re crossing your arms to your chest, the silence you fall into being a signal for him to continue talking.

“Carmen’s smart. Kid’s talented in a lot of ways. I’ve always known that, and now, he’s proving it to every fancy shmancy chef out there. He’s becoming what some people can only dream of,” Mikey says thoughtfully.

“Where is he?” You question. Mikey looks at the floor. Carmen’s been gone for a long time. Too long. But it’s better this way. Mikey believes it to be.

“Copenhagen. Think he likes it there more than he likes it here,” Mikey jokes, shaking his head back and forth. You don’t laugh, much to his dismay. He sees you staring at him out of the corner of his eye.

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

Isn’t it, though? Carmen hasn’t been home in ages, and honestly, Mikey doesn’t think it’s a bad thing. It’s a really good thing, actually. Chicago isn’t the place someone goes to fulfill all their dreams and all their inherent capabilities. Copenhagen, wherever the fuck that is and however the fuck it looks, is a much more savory option, especially in comparison to Chicago. No, Carmen shouldn’t be jumping at the opportunity to return. He’s exactly where Mikey wants him to be.

“Nah, he… he belongs there…”

Tension collects in the air as both you and Mikey go quiet. He’s aware his words didn’t leave room for you to reply with something, but then again, Mikey doesn’t think he wants you to. This has gone on longer than he’s comfortable with and while he thinks you’re sweet, he doesn’t have the energy to go into more details about Carmen and where he is and why Mikey has to battle the conflict of wanting his brother to succeed, even if that means without him. It was always supposed to be without him. He doesn’t have the time and his skin is beginning to itch with the need to buckle out of his head and back to the present where he’s supposed to be cooking ribs for his barbecue. That’s what this is, Mikey has to live where he is and push Carmen to a far space in his mind.

“Come on, let’s head out, party’s outside, not in here,” Mikey chirps up, his usual swagger and booming voice adopted with ease. He walks away from your side at the couch and grabs at the two ends of the rack. Thankfully, you don’t pry or press about the subject change, opening the door for him so he can step through and head to the grill.

Richie catches you once you’re both outside. The birds tweet, the wind flows through your blouse, and you’re a natural at navigating the shit-talking storm that Richie’s subjected you to. You fit right in. Mikey makes a mental note to introduce you to Carmen once he comes back home. You two would be a good fit. You’re pretty, intelligent, and you seem to think his brother is attractive enough to stare at his picture for longer than two minutes. That’s enough reason. It’s not because you could possibly keep Carmen around. No… it’s not because he needs Carmen to be happy outside of the Beef. It’s not Mikey’s overbearing need to take care of everyone before himself. It’s not because he needs someone to look after Carmen and ensure he doesn’t end up like Mikey. It’s not. It’s not.

It is.

But Mikey never gets to introduce you two. Richie does.

[lesbianrobin]

lesbianrobin fic scraps #3: the working title for this one was a drake and josh reference

What does getting the guest room ready even mean?

The guest room is right across from Steve's. It has that same matching wallpaper and curtains thing going that his bedroom does, just in pale yellow flowers rather than black and white plaid. He's pretty sure it was supposed to be a nursery, but that never happened. Mom blamed Dad and Dad blamed Steve. According to Dad, Steve just sucked so bad they never wanted to try again. According to Mom, Dad’s an evil asshole who wouldn’t let her have all the babies she wanted. Sometimes when things had been good for a little while, they’d change the story, that they tried for awhile and it just didn’t pan out, or that they were perfectly content with their one lovely boy and never even considered having more, but of course they always lied in front of each other and Steve knew better than to trust the bullshit they fed him whenever they insisted on playing the happy family. Both of them were only ever honest with Steve when nobody else was around. 

The whole thing’s ironic. That’s what irony is, right? Dad never wanted the girl that Mom swore would save their marriage, and now the second she’s gone he’s changed his mind.

Dad said Maxine is twelve. That’s the same age as Mike and all his little friends, which means that she’s, like, a whole person with opinions and she’ll probably be just as miserable about the situation as Steve is. He is miserable, right? He doesn’t want this. He doesn’t need strangers in his house acting like they’re family. Dad’s new wife is either just as shitty as he is or she’s too good for him, and Steve’s not exactly thrilled about either prospect. How evil can he be? Stealing some poor woman and her daughter away from sun and sand only to make them rot in Hawkins. Maybe the lady’s an asshole or an idiot, but her kid’s just a kid. Like Will Byers. Living her life and then one day she just gets dragged to hell. 

Maybe it’s just his own shitty memories making everything look shitty, but this room is depressing. Steve wouldn’t want to live here. His room can be kind of depressing, too, but at least it’s his. He's used to it, he doesn't need to love it. Maxine should love her bedroom, but she won't unless he makes some serious changes. The bedding in here’s all wrong for a kid. Plain white sheets and a big ruffled comforter with a mountain of fancy throw pillows. Steve would have felt like he was staying at his grandma’s house if he had to sleep in that when he was twelve. There’s a heavy vase with fake, dusty flowers on the desk, gold sconces on the wall on either side of the headboard, and a random porcelain doll propped up in the antique chair in the corner. 

Steve takes down the sconces. There are big nails sticking out, so he’ll have to find something else to go there, because he has no clue how to patch holes in walls. Maybe, like, shelves? A clock on one and some kind of art hanging on the other? Maybe he could just get an empty frame and then she could get a poster of whatever stuff she likes to put in it. While he's at it, he should probably get some things for the bathroom, too. He's never shared a bathroom with anyone before. Should he get a new toothbrush holder? The one he has now is kind of old and gross. He grabs the creepy doll, leaves the bedroom, and stuffs the doll and the sconces into the hall closet. It's full of stuff that Mom keeps swearing she'll pick up someday soon.

It's weird to hate his mom. He doesn't have much practice at it, but he's getting there. She took almost everything in the living room and all the art on their walls. Steve always assumed that if she decided to finally leave, she'd take him too. 

At least he already has a lot of practice at being wrong.

For once when he leaves the house with his dad's credit card and little else, he actually has a reason. Usually it's just to get out. It's supposed to be a forty-five minute drive to the mall, but rain starts pouring down halfway there and it ends up taking a little over an hour because nobody knows how to fucking drive. He's lucky enough to snag a spot right outside the Sears entrance and run inside without getting completely drenched, though his shoes won't stop squeaking on the tile.

He doesn't have the time or really know how to replace wallpaper, so he's gotta work with the yellow flowers. Steve's always liked yellow. It can be hard to pull off in clothing form, but it reminds him of sunshine and dandelions and bananas and a million other awesome things that Maxine hopefully likes too. But what if she doesn't? He can't lean into the yellow too hard.

The bedding has to come first. It's the center of the room, and he can pick other stuff based on whatever will match it. Steve walks down the aisle and frowns. The sets all just look like old lady shit. Why does everything have to have flowers or ruffles on it or cost, like, a thousand dollars? The colors are all wrong, too. So many pinks, and he knows from Nancy that people just assume girls will like pink and then drown them in it, so he can't do that to Maxine. He looks around and sees the next aisle: KIDS' BEDDING. Thank fuckin' god.

Some of this stuff is terrible, too, covered in teddy bears and Rainbow Brite, but some of the ones marked TEEN BED SET are alright. One of them has skateboards all over it. Steve considers it for a second, because skateboarding is pretty cool, but it doesn't match the wallpaper at all and it's kind of too specific for a kid he's never met. Maybe she broke her arm skateboarding once and now she has skateboard trauma.

[dittolicous]

part three of raging stealth black!sanji i guess! (part one - part two)

sanji is very aware that he's just a means to an end. that he's being lied to and used and manipulated. he was given a butchered version of his 'life history' to make up for his amnesia, which included the strawhats abandoning him when he proved too weak and got hurt, something which he had no frame of reference to doubt when he first awoke from death

but if vinsmoke judge is anything, its being ridiculously bad at foresight and little details

honestly, how did he really expect to hide the relative truth with the strawhats being such big names? their journey has been documented, and while its clearly got some biases, sanji can read between the lines. little details are his *job*, thats all espionage is!

so, yeah. he knows hes being used to get the strawhat pirates, knows that he and his siblings are nothing but manufactured tools

it just adds another coal to the growing fire pit of rage in his stomach. its really all he can feel these days, this growing red hot anger, so bright that he perpetually, endlessly fights to keep flames from dancing along his form. he cant place it at first, has no reason to dislike his fathers hand on his shoulder the night he finally awakens, yet the weight lights something within him. his skin prickles where the hand had rested. he wants to scratch it off, to remove the tainted section of his body

he says nothing. good children are seen and not heard.... hes good, yes? right? thats... what he wants?

(can he even want? everything is so empty, so quiet... why-why-why-)

his brother's hollow laughter, the smell of bins full of rotting food, the bubble-filled cloning tubes, the taste of his sisters poison in the air as it lays waste to their enemies, the joyous smile on his fathers face...

sanji also knows he shouldn't be able to feel, yet he can very clearly name this white hot feeling taking root deep within him - rage, unabashed and uncontrollable

when hes not dreaming of sea salt, citrus, or distant laughter, he dreams of vinsmoke blood staining the ground, of satisfaction as his heels dig into ribs, of inflicting every wound they ever gave him right back at them (an odd thing, his waking mind supplies, seeing as his family has never hurt him...), of crushing the shells to the sailing snails which house this tyrannical kingdom

he had hoped to exorcize the demons haunting his dream by gathering knowledge, hence why he sought outside information sources (ie where ever judge deemed worth attacking), surely these unbiased sources would clear away this doubt that should never have exsisted!

instead the roots of his vitriol are set. there is no going back to sanji that woke to his family's supposedly loving faces

they are warmongers, destroyers... liars... they take more than they could ever need or desire... he isn't a son or brother, hes nothing more than another plunder of victory. a walking symbol of their prowess

what do these fools even hope to achieve with their senseless grapples for power? kingdoms?? glory of germa66? scientific might?

don't make him laugh

sanji might only be a means to an end, but so are they, not that those arrogent buffoons even realize

(he cannot say how he knows nor does he really care, but the danger of the world government runs deeper than any outsider could ever grasp - the five shadowy beasts of his dreams tell him so with guttural voices and air-tainting bloodlust)

all too soon it becomes clear that life is nothing but pointless suffering, engineered by tyrants just like vinsmoke judge, just like the shadow beasts whos screams having him waking in cold-sweats, there is no end... they are only free from this horrible cycle in the embrace of death. the dead cannot bleed nor starve nor struggling to breath through grief filled lungs. life is children sobbing over the prone form of their parents or hollowed faces taking mouthfuls of poisoned water to quiet aching stomachs...

the vinsmokes take blindly and foolishly, they took everything from him, took his life, his memories, his heart, left him nothing but a tense anger that leaves his muscles aching and fingers twitching to destroy, pride blinding them to the encroaching cliff into hell

if they wish for hell so badly, who is sanji to deny them? he will bring down the flames of hell and rip clean through the earth to deliver them personally. every sensless act of violence, every life taken without a blink of an eye, every drop of blood the fed the ground, sanji shall return tenfold, yet deny them the relief of death just as they stole him from his

he'll go along with their little plan to draw out the strawhat pirates, give them the easy satisfaction they desire, and just when they feel victory by the tips of their fingers.... they will learn what life is truly like by sanji's very own hands

(and if he holds tightly to the fleeting moments of calm like a balm on his burned exoskeleton, brought on by the face of his former captain or flashes of green from the perpetually lost swordsmen, no one has to know

none of it will matter in the end)

[chevelleneech]

Re their enlistment

Although you said it’s invasive, it’s a simple answer.

They needed each other, it doesn’t matter in which way, romantic or friendship but they chose to apply and go together because they wanted:needed that.

it is absolutely okay to say their bond is the strongest, because it is. We know this and it’s reality. They choose each other time over, they are together a lot of the time we have evidence of this. They are doing a whole ass travel show which shows their bond. They wanted to spend time together making memories. Their memories, GCF memories, them together on their own not the band, not ot7.

this isn’t about them as members of BTS (obviously that’s how they met) at the end of the day, this is them as individual citizens of SK having to undertake their mandatory enlistment, and they chose to go together. BTS doesn’t come into as their bond is far removed from that at the end of the day.

I don’t know why people question it or try to make it something it’s not. As someone else said, it was always going to be them. Yes they are close to the others, they all love each other and they are chosen family. But Jimin and JK are each others person.

I’ve been married 10 years, so the same time frame as they have known each otherwise , and i can tell you right now I would go to the ends of the earth to be with my significant other during that time, and I think it’s exactly what they did.

Fate then shined on them and they got accepted. The smile on Jimins face during his production diary live when Jk enters the room speaks volumes. They had only found out days before that live that they got accepted. JKs shirtless tik tok and JMs passionate stuck with you dance. JKs SNTY, it’s all there, you just have to be willing to see it.

That and Jimin saying in his bts video today that he hopes people can love them as they are.

😭

My mind is all over the place today, so I’m not sure what part or which of my post you’re referring to. I don’t recall saying talking or theorizing about it is invasive, but if you could point it out I might be able to add some clarity on what I meant. Or at the very least remember why I said it, lol.

Unless you’re referring to the overall part of me saying we don’t need an answer? If so, I only think the idea of being entitled to an answer is invasive. Simply discussing it on here, is just discussing public information about public facing figures. So it’s not invasive to wonder, but people who’d make it their mission to demand an answer are invasive. I don’t think you or I fit that, since we’re just speculating on what the reason behind them choosing the buddy system was.

Other than that, I pretty much agree with you. I’m just nosy, so I’m like, “Please, do a tell-all when you’re ready!” but I’m also realistic. Their lives have nothing to do with me, so as much as I think them telling us stuff about their bond would be interesting, it’s not a need, you know? And it is easy to see how much they value their relationship with one another in just about every interaction they have, and the people who push so heavily against it because of their own assumptions are missing out.

Romantic or not, Jimin and JK are best friends who have a good time together. That’s all it needs to be, not matter who anyone would prefer them to be dating.

[kitkatsudon]

KitKat reads the TKEM Novel: Introduction & Prologue & Chapter 1

Hello all! Those that have seen my account over the past couple of days will know that I have recently come into possession of copies of both volumes of the TKEM novel. I always had the vague idea in my mind that these would contain information that we don’t see in the show, characters’ inner monologues and such like, so as someone seemingly on a quest to find out everything there is to know about this show (how did it end up like this? I’m not going to dwell on that before I start regretting all my life choices), I have taken it upon myself to read these books and share this knowledge with the rest of what’s left of this fandom.

These books, of course, are in Korean, which is a language I do not speak and don’t have any intention of learning in the near future. I definitely couldn’t learn Korean in a quick enough time frame to be able to read these books in a satisfyingly short amount of time, so instead I’m utilising the power of the internet and using two online translation services, and then sort of combining the two with my preexisting knowledge of the show to create a usable translation that feels mostly right. So here’s my disclaimer: some of this stuff could very easily be mistranslated, because I’m embarking on this journey with just the powers of the internet, homosexual audacity, and autism to help me along.

So! Here’s how this is going to work. For every chapter of the book I manage to translate, I’m going to make a new post where I summarise the events of the chapter, share my thoughts on it, and then share any specific new details that we’ve learnt. All of them will be tagged with ‘kitkat reads the tkem novel’ so if you want any of the information in this series for whatever reason, hopefully these posts will be easy to find. In this post I’ll cover the prologue and chapter 1 because the prologue is barely anything at all, but from here on out it’ll be one chapter per post… whenever I finish the next chapter.

Ok then. Shall we begin?

Prologue

The novel starts with a bit of preamble about the show’s lore, not much that anyone who had already seen the show wouldn’t know, but I suppose it makes sense to open like this if they were trying to appeal to people who hadn’t already seen the show? It’s an interesting choice, though, because some of this stuff is information we don’t find out until a little later in the show, for example how the two worlds split thanks to the life/death of Crown Prince Sohyeon. However, without the visual nature of the show to keep it appealing, having a little bit of backstory about the Kingdom of Corea would be nice to have so new readers aren’t totally confused about the setting of the novel when it begins.

The only semi-new thing we really learn from the prologue is that the palace (which I will call Haeungung Palace from here on out as part of my personal mission to spread this information) is located specifically on Dongbaekseom island in Busan. This is something I had pretty much figured out already by being a big nerd and looking at screenshots of the show and comparing those to maps of Busan, but it’s nice to have this for real confirmed by a canon source. Another thing to maybe mention is that the flower symbol of the royal Jeonju Lee family is a plum blossom, but this is also something that you could probably work out beforehand.

In conclusion, this is a good introduction… but a little useless to established fans of the show, who I think would make up most of the demographic of this book. Still, it’s best for them to cover their bases.

Chapter 1: Find the clock rabbit

The first thing to mention here is that “clock rabbit” refers to the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland, which the English subs on Netflix call “the white rabbit with the clock” but I’m going to say “clock rabbit” because that seems to be the direct translation, and it makes all Yeong’s lines about “Is it a rabbit or a clock?” make a lot more sense in my mind. This chapter covers four scenes from episode 1 of the show: the scene where Gon is being dressed by his new attendant Park Gyubong and he catches the talismans that Lady Noh put in his room, the scene where Gon and Koo Seoryeong have their meeting after Gon goes riding, pretty much all of the rowing scene sequence from the race to Gon going to chase after the “clock rabbit,” and then Gon very briefly in his study alone, looking at his Alice in Wonderland book.

What stood out to me the most while reading, getting over the fact that they’ve changed the order of the scenes from the show (Cheonjongo in 1994 is happening next chapter), is how much extra dialogue they’ve cut out. Again… I guess it makes sense, if they’re trying to condense a sixteen episode drama into two volumes of a book then of course they’re going to want to get straight to the point, but this is disappointing for me personally because a lot of what they cut out are the fun, familiar conversations that Gon had with Yeong throughout episode 1. For example, Gon and Yeong never have their conversation after Gon finishes his ride where Yeong reveals that there are more talismans than Gon thought, and they also cut out the conversation between Gon and Yeong in his study after the race day, which means we don’t get “are you having fun, Captain Jo?” and we don’t get their following conversation about Gon wanting to find his saviour, and Yeong assuring him that he’s grown up well and he doesn’t need anyone to save him anymore. Which is… fine. It’s fine, but it’s still disappointing. Even without coming at this from a Gonjo angle, their friendship is still very important to me, and it’s disheartening to find out that where the show abandoned it very quickly, the book doesn’t seem to be developing it at all. That’s not to say that there aren’t moments, but it’s not as much as I would have liked.

The other big thing that stood out to me is… well… how do I put this? The book really wants you to know that Gon is perfect and amazing and handsome and the best man in all of Corea and no one else could ever compare and he’s just so incredible and wonderful and everybody loves him so much and every woman is in love with him because he’s just that good. Which is hilarious to me, as a loser (affectionate) Gon truther, because this man exists in my head as an adorable mess of mathematical equations, overthinking, and pretending to be fine, and it’s just… no matter how many times they tell me how perfect and shiny he is, I’m just not going to believe it. Let me give you an excerpt, so you can see the tone of this and know what I’m talking about.

Gon’s body, which he trained to protect himself against any danger, was perfect because his safety was the security of the kingdom. Gyubong was impressed anew by a glimpse of his hard and wide shoulders.

Gyubong glanced at the pride of the Kingdom of Corea before he could meet his indifferent eyes. His sharp nose, smooth lips, and sharp jawline stood out under his straight eyebrows. The third king of the Kingdom of Corea boasted an appearance that deserved the love of the kingdom’s people.

Like— it’s so unserious! They’re really trying so hard to ram it down your throat how utterly perfect Lee Gon is - and in this scene it reads like Gon’s eyebrows may be straight but Park Gyubong sure isn’t. They also mention Gon’s “long legs” when he’s running after his clock rabbit and… wow, does this answer that age old question? Is this what Yeong knows that Gon uses his long legs for - running away and giving Yeong a headache?

So, after all this, what have we learnt so far?

Park Gyubong is either very confident in his heterosexuality or he has a huge crush on King Lee Gon

“The royal courtiers often found the principled Captain of the Guard more difficult than the easy-going king” which… hurts me, a little, to imagine the palace staff bitching about Yeong behind his back. Does it make sense? …yes, to be fair yes, yes it does, it makes a lot of sense for Yeong to rule Haeungung palace with an iron fist as he tries desperately to take care of Gon’s safety, so I just hope that none of the other members of staff are being too mean about our beloved Yeongie :(

Yeong’s naval rank is confirmed to be a Soryeong/Lieutenant Commander! If you’ve seen my post about military ranks in TKEM then you’ll see that this is something that you can see in the show by looking at his epaulettes, but it’s nice to have it confirmed in writing here

Yeong was described as being “born and bred to serve the king.” This is something we knew already, but having it said explicitly here… it’s doing something to me, so it’s getting its own point.

Yeong specifically says to Park Gyubong that “His Majesty doesn’t like other people’s hands touching his body.” It’s not just any touch, he specifically mentions hands. Fanfic nation, do with this information what you will.

Mentioning the moment where little Yeong joined little Gon in crying after Lee Ho’s funeral is something that hurts Yeong’s pride. We can only assume that Gon knows this because he has brought it up in the past and Yeong has got very flustered about it.

On that topic, Gon thinks about that moment after his dad’s funeral after Yeong is like !!!!! when Park Gyubong mentions covering Gon’s scar.

Lady Noh has been noticeably anxious about finding Gon a partner ever since he turned thirty (Korean age). Gon isn’t sure if it was before that, but thirty is the age that he mentions. The Korean word for partner used is 짝, which Wordreference tells me means “pair, mate, buddy.” Interestingly, not necessarily wife, very gender neutral. This is in Gon’s internal monologue so again, fanfic nation, this one’s for you.

It’s also said that Lady Noh is more like a mother to Gon than his own mother was, which again is something we already knew but it’s very nice to have it written.

It’s crossed Lady Noh’s mind that Gon might have a secret mistress and that’s why he has never been interested in getting married, but she figured that this was illogical because Gon is always being watched while he’s in the palace. Thank you for your hard work, Jo Yeong!

The issue of marriage is apparently the only duty of Gon’s that he ever abandons, which… idk, there’s something there.

Gon feels like he’s free of all his worries when he goes riding, especially with Maximus, so riding is basically like Gon’s therapy :D

Maximus is his “favourite horse” which is something else that’s just nice to have in writing

It is mentioned several times in this chapter that Gon “is the favourite of every woman in the kingdom.” It’s giving… heteronormative, but that doesn’t surprise me. However, Koo Seoryeong doesn’t count herself as being one of these women because she can see up close how Gon is putting on as much of an act as she is.

Koo Seoryeong’s ex-husband was not only from a chaebol family but also a conglomerate leader. This is interesting to me because it’s mentioned in the show that he’s the second son so… what happened to the first son? Is he the leader of his own separate corporation? Was he just not as good as his younger brother?

Gon finds the way Koo Seoryeong is clear about expressing her desires uncomfortable because, as the king, he’s never been able to have his own desires or express his own desires freely

“Yeong’s nerves were on edge” while Gon was rowing in the competition, because it was an outdoor event. He finds these things stressful because Gon already came close to death once, and you never know if it’ll happen again

As soon as he hears a gunshot, Gon is immediately transported back to the night of the treason. Even if he doesn’t show it outwardly, it’s crossing his mind at the slightest trigger.

That time at the rowing competition is the first time that Gon has run away during an outdoor event. He runs away often and he knows he causes trouble for the Royal Guard, but this is the first time he’s done it at an event like that.

Gon can recognise Yeong just by his footsteps

Gon leaves his duties in the palace once or twice a year - either because he wants some personal time, or he’s in desperate need of it because he feels too overwhelmed by his regular life. I already assumed it was because of that, but to have it confirmed… fanfic nation, this is for you again

Gon was still thinking about the night of the treason when he got his Alice in Wonderland book out at the end of episode 1, and he could still vividly feel the sticky blood on the soles of his feet, and the feeling of something constricting around his neck. He felt like it could still happen again at any moment. Clearly, Lee Gon needs some better therapy than just going riding with Maximus.

Final thoughts: I’m very much enjoying seeing into the characters’ minds like this, especially Gon, since we’ve had a lot of him this chapter. I like how the book is able to show how often Gon is thinking about the night of the treason, making it and therefore his PTSD a much more present thing than in the show. It remains to be seen whether the currently hilarious Gon-worshipping is going to become annoying after a while, or whether or not seeing the characters’ inner thoughts is going to start annoying me when the main romance plot gets going. If it’s in the same tone as the Gon-worshipping… yeesh. That’ll be an experience.

My main thought so far? Not enough Yeong. There’s not as much Yeong as there was in the show, and there isn’t even much Yeong there. This book could be greatly improved with more Yeong. I suppose we’ll have to stick to fanfiction for that.

[keithisbae1]

The Mershark & Mermaid - Part 2

Sakura knew she shouldn’t be doing this.

“Your back?” The mershark trailed around her, his glowing red eyes peering right through her soul. The same eyes she gets lost in and likes to watch whilst they-

“I said I would be.” Her hands traced his chest with a smirk.

What would stop him from eating her once he was satisfied?

Her brain was telling her, no, to be rational but her body moved on its own as did his when his lips descended upon hers grasping the back of her head and roughly pulling her closer.

His tail wrapped around her small frame.

“Where’s Sasuke?”

Sakura froze at the voices nearby but then his fangs moved down to her neck grazing it and distracting her.

“You're his best friend, shouldn't you know?” Another voice cut in. One was a white shark whilst the other was orange.

“Yeah but the bastard's been more distant than he usually is. It's like he's distracted or something.”

Oh, how right they were.

Sakura licked her lips letting out a low moan as his claws glided down her tail.

“Shh, you don't want them to see you like this do you?”

At least they were well hidden.

~~~

“What the hell happened to your back?” Sakura knew she should have healed herself before coming back home.

It was the perk of having Tsunade as her mentor and was the reason she was able to keep the meetings between her and Sasuke a secret for so long. Not every mermaid had the ability to heal.

“Uh…it’s nothing. I got caught up in a current that’s all.”

“Right, like I believe that. Seriously forehead, they look like claw marks. Did you almost get eaten?”

“No! I told you-”

“Sakura, there is no current. We both know that. I'm your friend, you can trust me.”

It wasn't like she would blab about something like this anyway, not with how serious the matter was.

“I went to see him.” Ino knew fully well who the 'him' in question was.

“And by seeing you mean…”

“We… we mated...” Sakura fidgeted with her hands watching as Ino's eyes grew wide taking in the information.

“You did what? Your crazy forehead. He’s a shark!”

“So?”

“So? SO?! He’s a predator.”

“He's different from them, he saved me!”

“Oh, you mean from that time you almost got yourself killed because you wanted to explore the deep sea. Sakura he’s using you.”

Admittedly it had been a thought that crossed her mind, what shark would mate with a mermaid with no other intentions in mind. However, Sakura still sneaked off to see Sasuke.

The visits never started off as anything inappropriate, she was curious about him and although he had often referred to her as an annoyance he would answer her questions and humour her.

Of course, neither had made their little friendship public. If either of Sasuke's friends or family caught on, she would be their meal. Yet somehow Sasuke always managed to put them off their scent.

If he wanted to eat her, he would have by now, right?

“And okay, let’s imagine he doesn’t plan on eating you. What are you expecting out of this? For him to make you his official mate? Your only setting yourself up to get hurt.”

Perhaps Ino was right, but what could she do? She couldn't just end... whatever it was they had.

“Besides there's plenty of fish in the sea, why don't I introduce you to a few. I'm sure they can distract you.”

Them distract her from Sasuke? If only, maybe then Sakura wouldn't be in this situation.

~~~

“Sakura this is Hiroto, Hiroto Sakura.” The blonde was pleased with matchmaking her friend with such a fine merman, better than any shark for sure.

“A pleasure to meet you Sakura-san, Ino's told me a lot about you.”

“Likewise.”

However, when Sakura awkwardly smiled shaking his hand she swear she could feel eyes glaring daggers at them. Or maybe that was wishful thinking on her part as Sasuke never leaves the deep sea.

~~~

“You shouldn’t be here Princess.” The sinister smirk didn’t go unnoticed by Sakura from the white male shark and Sakura felt pale. How didn’t she feel their presence?

“It’s rare for mermaids to swim this deep underwater. You must either have a death wish or be really stupid. Works for me.” Normally Sakura would blow up at such an insult but fear overtook with the three of them surrounding her, she was as good as done for.

Why did she go back?

“Hey, Jugo, what’s your favourite part of a mermaid.” He laughed menacingly as the two circled around her.

“Urgh, don’t make too much of a mess.” Was all Karin said, however, something seemed… off? First of all, why was a mermaid down here in all places?

It was almost as if she had been there plenty of times and had been expecting someone.

Then there was her smell, Karin had smelt it before.

She smelled like-

“Wait, Suigetsu don’t-”

Too late, because the next thing they knew Sasuke had Suigetsu's arm in his claws and was ready to snap it in two.

“Sasuke?”

“Don’t touch her!” He snarled glaring daggers at the shark. “She's my prey! Understand?”

All he could do was nod dumbly and when he finally released him Sasuke turned his attention to Sakura.

“You, follow me.” She wasn't really sure what to make of his attitude but being with him was safer than being with them.

“Gee, what was that for? He could have said something sooner.” Suigetsu scowled muttering to himself. Karin decided to keep quiet, they may have been dense and believed Sasuke but she knew it was far more than that.

Sasuke would probably talk to her about it later.

~~~

“What were you thinking?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise they were…”

“You should have stayed back home.”

“I… I know.” Sakura looked down ashamed, she usually wasn’t so distracted but everything Ino had said. From what she wanted out of this and finding someone else...

Except no one could make her feel the way Sasuke does.

“But I wanted to see you again.”

“See me? Why? Isn’t your merman enough?”

“My… my what?” So it wasn’t her imagination?

“You came to see me?”

“You haven’t been here for the past few weeks, what else was I supposed to do?” Ah, so he did care. Inside she was happy but also dreaded. What did this mean if their feelings were mutual?

“We should stop this...” Yet her body betrayed her and Sakura found herself leaning towards him.

“We should.” Then why was his tail wrapping around her? This was too dangerous yet neither made a move to stop it.

~~~

Meanwhile back in the present, little Sarada was asking Sasuke a ton of questions.

“I have so many questions, what kind of food do we eat? If I’m good my Mama makes my favourite seaweed spaghetti. Will I grow as big as you? What’s it like being a shark? Are there others too, is this where we live? Why hasn’t my Mama taken me here, she said it’s full of pre…pre…preditators and that there are a lot of creatures that want to eat me? Do baby sharks get eaten a lot?”

Yup, she defiantly took after Sakura.

[juuheizou]

i've had this question for a while now: how does juuzou really feel about big madam? like, how did he process the trauma and what was his train of thought throughout it? did he ever fully understand that what she did to him was like REALLY bad or did he just buried his trauma deep in him and forgave her as to not process it and protect himself of any emotional pain? did he ever break down or talked about it w anyone? how does he truly feel about his 'mama' nowadays? to put it shortly: what were his stages in fully processing his past and trauma and how is his relationship w it now?

You make such good points and this question is such a deep dive into who Suzuya is, since Big Madam was such a big part of what shaped him. The (really) long answer is below, but short answer: it's a mess that only seems to get messier every time something happens that you would think made it more clear cut, but within the time frame of the series, he has gotten respectably good at handling the mess.

Disclaimer: a lot of this is tied in with my extensive headcanon universe, but hopefully you can still see why I think it makes sense.

Let's start with when he was first rescued. While it's the lesser evil by far in the long run, I think that that experience too was traumatic for him, because in his mind at that time, Big Madam and the Restaurant are his home, his family, the normal ones so to speak. Especially being torn from what he knows as his home and then not being treated well by this new world he's in either? I think for a lot of his youth, at least in his mind, that trauma and change overshadowed any possibility of thinking about Big Madam in any way other than he missed her.

Most likely, he probably wasn't even convinced that he wasn't hers anymore. He has so little frame of reference for how the world works outside this dark, manipulative bubble within a secret society of ghouls that probably serves as its own insular bubble even to people who are there by choice; he probably doesn't just think things like “Mama will be cross with him” years after his rescue out of denial. He might not have fully understood what was happening when he became a ward of the CCG, and even when he did eventually understand, he also understands to some degree that Mama always gets what she wants. I doubt he would truly believe that their goodbye was goodbye forever.

By the original series, I think there is hurt and anger there, and I think more of it is rooted in her than we ever see him realize, but not even he knows how misdirected it is. Yes, he does these rash, violent things in response to non-violent slights against him in part because that's how problems are solved in the world he still sees as his world, but he's had a few years to at least start knowing better. Thinking it's an appropriate response and those things don't have as much weight as they do is part of it, but where do his feelings about something as small as a sideways glance or a hurtful comment even get so big that he would react in some of the ways he's reacted in the original series? Those things do hurt on their own, but they also poke and prod at deeper wounds that, at the time, he doesn't know where the hurt comes from, just that it's so heavy and awful; someone is going to suffer for digging it up.

During the original series, with Shinohara around, I also think he has some inkling that he doesn't love everything about Madam as much as he thinks he does, maybe even that some of the things she did weren't right; he's still so used to it though, and severely underestimates just how much of it wasn't right. He still thinks he's just one of many people with a few qualms here, a little bit he wishes was different there, while still enjoying a good relationship with their parents. He still sees her world as his world, her normal as his normal, but he's been in his new world long enough now and experienced just enough of a kind, nurturing parental relationship to make him start questioning a little bit, even though it's just a start, and just a little bit.

We don't see it, so I have nothing to back it up and I know that, but I have always theorized that at first, losing Shinohara was a time of regression and loss of progress for him. The first day he wakes up to something other than a phone call or a knock at his door to make sure he's ready for work, when he walks or figures out how to bus to the office all alone for the first time, when he comes home from working by himself and his apartment is empty for longer than it's ever been, he wants his Mama. When he stays in that empty apartment, no longer at all sure what day it is or how long it's been since he last showed up to work, or how many days old the accumulated grime on him and on everything in his apartment is, no idea where to even start fixing it, he wants his Mama.

Tied completely to another headcanon of mine, but when he's sitting in triage at the nearest emergency room with Akira silent and having no idea what to say or do other than make sure he actually stays to get seen, no idea why he's even there when he's not hurt, just that Akira thought it was important, he wants his Mama. When he's placed on a hold and ultimately admitted in the psychiatric ward of the hospital, thrown into another new world that in his eyes is absolutely miserable, he wants his Mama. He wishes more than anything that she'd do that thing where she always gets what she wants right now and get him.

At some point, though, maybe with the counseling and shit he has to go to as part of his involuntary admission, or maybe just on his own now that he has some room in his head to think about it, he has to wonder what his Mama would even do if she was there. Yeah, maybe there's the teeniest, tiniest chance she would let him cuddle close, if he can even still fit in her lap, and distract him with that book he used to love about animals, for a little bit.

But times like those made up so little of their years together. Then what? Does he really think she would give a damn what he wants or how he feels? Is that really the Mama he knows? He doesn't want to think it at first, but it isn't. What's more is where he is now, where so much of the freedom and independence and control of his life that he didn't even realize he had grown used to has once again been stripped away from him... it kind of reminds him of her, and it's not a nice reminder.

More shit I can't back up and just think is true, but I think in the Auction arc of :re, we see only the tail end of his new feelings about Big Madam. By :re, I think he understands in his mind that, actually, it wasn't just kind of not right, but as you said, really bad. That being said, I also think accepting that it wasn't just really bad, but it traumatized him, is the hard part for him, and maybe won't ever be neatly resolved all the way. More than consciously or unconsciously burying that part of it, though, I think he truly underestimates how much it hurt him. Sometimes not knowing what you feel can in itself feel a lot like not feeling anything, and there are a lot of things he's somewhat numb to BECAUSE of his upbringing on top of not always knowing how he feels.

I think the emotional pain was already there when he declared his forgiveness for Big Madam. When that first inkling does come up, sometime in the timeskip between the original series and :re, even just tying a little bit of that deep-seated hurt to her is a lot for him to handle. That's why I think coming to terms with it is such a slow, gradual, messy process.

It's also why I think that until he had her right in front of him, knowing he would kill her, at the Auction, he did want to kill her. Were he to tell an outsider what he was thinking, or even to try and make sense of why he wants to so bad himself, it was just another one of his at-this-point-famous grudges. He was so hurt and angry and it was all because of her; if he killed her, maybe that big, awful feeling would die too.

Except when the opportunity strikes, he doesn't even feel a little bit better. Indifferent, almost. Not a damn thing even started to change. That feeling isn't going to die with her no matter what he does. There's no point in some personal grudge; either way she dies and he hurts. He ultimately forgives her at the last minute, and says it's just his job, because now that he's here, he feels like he's just doing his job.

I do think he cracks and lets those close to him in on little pieces at a time, so those he cracks in front of the most have enough of an idea what went on with him and his Mama. Sometimes, especially early on in his older youth after being rescued, it came more from not being aware that whatever he mentions offhand is something that not everyone experiences; he was just chiming in and that's all the life experience he has to draw from. Others, it's an answer to “what the hell is your problem?!” when he doesn't know why someone would be upset with him; he was just following his Mama's example, but once he says something that upset person now knows a piece of what that example was.

Others still, more in :re but he might have had some moments with Shinohara as well, he's genuinely cracking in his composure and something slips out that, by now, he does know is horrible because it's causing him to crack. And then, another thing I see more in :re, is he probably gets called to consult on Restaurant-related cases often due to his insider knowledge, and it's an entire secret society that isn't going to completely dissolve anytime soon, so there's also those “how did he know that?” moments when he's just doing his job. That said, I don't see him fully breaking down and divulging everything all at once to anyone.

Nowadays, he's still stitching those deep wounds together, a little bit at a time. He may never go through a neat and satisfying process with all of them; there are so many and he's been through so much; sometimes not even he can suss out where some of those wounds came from. Plus, he was so young when Madam took him and stayed with her for so long. It's hard to know where she ends and he begins, with some of those things that are just baked into how he relates to himself, others, the world at large. Some of what he knows came from her are parts of him that he doesn't know how to be Suzuya without, and perhaps doesn't want to try being Suzuya without. All those feelings and phases above still linger within him, though they may get a little quieter with time. One thing that has changed, however, is he's gotten better at dealing with all of it, and maybe that's enough for him.

[onisiondrama]

"Onision Documentary (Blackmailed, Slandered, Framed, Cancelled, Robbed & Falsely Persecuted)" Onision, October 2, 2023

Onision was blackmailed, slandered, framed, canceled, robbed & falsely persecuted... and now it appears the same people who wrongfully hurt Onision, are committing perjury & fraud to simultaneously con Google/YouTube out of hundreds of thousands of dollars. Sarah & Regina's victims have real, measurable/verifiable/proven wrongful damages as proven in this video. "Money is the root of all evil." For legal reasons all content within this video and associated with the publisher of this video is to be considered a perspective &/or alleged. Decide for yourself what to think based on the facts/evidence.

"Onision DESTROYS Documentary Fraud: "Onision In Real Life" by Discovery + (confessions & receipts)" Onision, November 6, 2023

Onision was framed and socially executed - they got away with destroying an innocent man's life... but unfortunately for them, crimes tend to have trails, and they left a big, painfully obvious one. #fyp #onision #discoveryplus #chrishansen #scam #fraud #liar #lawsuit #conman #max #hbo #netflix #hulu #movie #documentary #appleplus #amazonprime #wtf #fubar The Onision: In Real Life documentary was originally launched, in big part, by Chris Hansen. He had been recovering from getting fired over cheating on his wife, the mugshot thing involving a bounced check, the whole scamming his fans thing, the whole being associated with a dude's suicide that lead to losing a wrongful death lawsuit... you know... tons of dirtbag crap --- so the guy neeeded a refresh on his career. What did he do? He molded three women to create a narrative that could help him generate profit - destroying innocent peoples lives? Exploiting/abusing/defrauding #MeToo? No problem for Chris Hansen considering his past - If you can sleep with another wom... TWO other women behind your family's back - of course you don't mind screwing over total strangers. So! Introduce Shiloh, dumped by Onision, and Sarah, a woman who forced Onision into a relationship with her via self-admitted sexual extortion who... that's right, Onision also rejected. Oh yeah, and Regina... a literal stranger to Onision who I guess just wanted to promote her sex worker sites. Not even joking. What happens when Chris Hansen goes after you? Everyone immediately calls you a "pedophile" regardless of what the context is. You would think Hansen would get sued a lot as a result, but apparently, if you search his history, he's a broke man. The context here? Onision slept with an adult who blackmailed him into sleeping with them. That's the boring facts. Her own admission, she blackmailed him with threat of destroying his life. A quote along the lines of "I could destroy you guys" --- which coincidentally is what Shiloh also said on camera, only it was in reference to just Onision after he dumped her (she was hauled away by police shortly after) - things starting to make sense? Two psychotic criminal peas on a pod? So two crazy human beings (Shiloh and Sarah) who are crazy evil and... their little weird irrelevant minion Regina - Join forces to, yes, make money, and yes, get tons of attention, to get back at the people who rejected Sarah/Shiloh - or in Regina's case, she's pissed because when she was a homeless minor, Onision's spouse refused to fly her up and just said something along the lines of "that sucks" in response to this random person online complaining about being homeless... and expecting Onision's spouse, to just be like "Sure danger creep, I'll fly you up!" - nope - and now Regina is mad! But of course Regina claims she was sex trafficked on legal documents to defraud Google/YouTube now... WEIRD STRETCH BUT OK. "They didn't fly me up because I was a stranger to Onision and his spouse was creeped out by me/had no interest in flying some random person up, so... pay me!" Long story short Regina and Sarah are now part of a plot to get Google to settle (pay them tons of undeserved money) over their horribly concocted shit agenda against Onision/his awesome spouse. They're evil, vile and disgusting human beings, as is proven in this video, and the other video posted weeks ago on the Onision channel. What's awesome is it's actually mostly THEIR OWN ACTIONS, WORDS & VIDEOS that destroy their narrative. Much of it isn't Onision destroying their arguments - IT'S THEM! THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T LIE, IDIOTS!

Wanted to document the descriptions and info on these videos. Haven't watched the 2nd one yet.

[phoenixglacier]

I’m just rambling, okay? There’s no point to this rant. You have been warned.

The thing about being a comics fan (been in DC comics for about six months now) is that unlike any other fandom I have been in, there is no One True Canon as far as I can tell.

No, seriously. Unless you were born in the last few years, your canon has been recooked into so many different recipes by writers and artists and editors who all probably violently disagree with each other. When I started reading and needed to log all of my comics to get some semblance of a reference sheet, I used to include the credits and highlight the names of writers and artists that did really well. And the flipside, you know. My own personal blacklist.

Starting out as primarily a Tim fan and a Damian fan simultaneously means I got used real fast to reading comics that sucked bad for one character but also mind-blowingly nailed it on another. What is a comics reader to do? You know, I come from certain fandoms where the canon was nailed down, and every undoing of it was deliberate, and I do do that. My 232+ epilogue of Percy Jackson isn’t public, but you better bet I combed through the canon with the same devotion that I highlighted every printed line I was going to change. But I’ve come out of comics a desensitized reader. Do I get the urge to edit and redraw every panel of Nightwing 2016 Issue 43 to undo all the truly desperate and honestly failing attempts to portray Roy as stupid (it doesn’t even work because he’s so smart he gives like 90% of the exposition in this chapter and always has an eye on the small child out of fatherly instinct) and to remove Cheshire (because what was even the point of her in this chapter? And if she wasn’t plot-relevant then why would you include her terrible characterisation for the sake of it) but keep a large chunk of the overall premise to preserve what I think was reasonable (if slightly nuked) characterisation of Damian being all huffy that he tsundered some time with Dick only to have Dick’s friend come in and he’s adorably and understandably jealous and yet he succeeds at telling Dick that he wants to spend more time with him at the end and then he and Roy bond over being slave-driven by Dick for the rest of the night… Where was I? Oh. Right. So, I mean, yeah. I do.

This is my way of interacting with media. Sure, I’d like it to be perfect and not have Fabian Nicieza nuke Damian in an attempt to make Tim and Dick more justified (based solely off of Nightwing 1996 #138 of the Resurrection of Ra’s Al Ghul series and honestly I should give him more credit because Damian specifically has a long blacklist and the only reason why I’m this harsh on him is because he wrote Dick and Tim beautifully and a few little tweaks would make me frame this chapter). But there’s a space for me to work with, as a writer.

So, okay. Flash writers are dedicated to the whole Flash cast and brought them back in canon, which is so important and useful honestly. I give the Flash family a big star sticker, formally adopt Wallace and Avery into the family, and set to work giving them daily lives. Everything’s great! (Jai. And his chronic pain. Is so important to me because it draws on my own experiences. I won’t go into it here and you’ll never get to see it unless…)

I timelines ages in the fandoms where it matters. It doesn’t matter in DC. It can’t. Dick has been alive for 84 years + pre-Robin, and he’s like twenty-something. Hitting thirty for the lols. You don’t age until you do. You know how you enter college and everyone graduates at different times depending on the density courses you take? Just me? Anyway that’s how ages work in DC and it’s not concrete and just don’t think about it.