#who else are my shawol mutuals.....

[uharuz]

i work! get paid!

[aaagustd]

get to know your mutuals | tag game

thanks for tagging me @glossdebut💞

what's the origin of your blog title? ↠ That's my baby daddy duhh lol.

favorite fandoms: ↠ I really don't have one. I usually stick to myself but I've met most of my friends from anime and manga communities. armys, carats, onces, ahgases, and shawols have also been kind to me so yeah I'd name those groups.

OTP(s)/shipname: ↠ You shouldn't ask me things like this. I'm delusional lol.

favorite color: ↠ green and black; sometimes pink.

favorite game: ↠ I always play Fortnite or Outlast. I play Roblox a lot. It just all depends on the day honestly.

song stuck in your head: ↠ Pink Like Suki by Pebbles&TamTam 😂

weirdest habit/trait? ↠ I talk to myself?

hobbies: ↠ reading, writing, gaming, cooking/baking, fishing, boxing, watching documentaries, listening/making music, pole dancing, I tried axe throwing recently and I think I want to get into that. I did pretty good lol.

if you work, what's your profession? ↠ I'm a counselor at a private school.

if you could have any job you wish, what would it be? ↠ A sugar baby lol. Ummm... idk I hate working so I'm cool with whatever as long as it pays the bills and supports my online shopping habits.

something you're good at: ↠ Listening, driving, writing(i think), problem solving... that's all I can think of.

something you're bad at: ↠ math, staying on my feet(i'm clumsy), meeting new people.

something you love: ↠ writing, walking, weight lifting, my family, my blog(and you guys), kpop, anime, sewing, horror movies, being at home.

something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: ↠ probably unsolved mysteries and conspiracies lol

something you hate: ↠ coconut, avocado, being cold, cheeto dust face supporters, shitty people in general, slime, loud sounds, folding my clean laundry

something you collect: ↠ wigs, graphic tees, shoes, i guess guns and knives but just for hunting and stuff, buttons

something you forget: ↠ EVERY FUCKING THING LMAO...but then again, i remember a lot.

what's your love language? ↠ food and quiet time

favorite movie/show: ↠ as above so below is one of movies, and right now I'm kinda into The Fable.

favorite food: ↠ seafood (especially crawfish), meatloaf, pot roast, homemade apple cobbler, carrots, honestly... any home-cooked meal my grandma makes lol. she's the best cook.

favorite animal: ↠ snakes, dogs, elephants, owls, giraffes, and tigers.

are you musical? ↠ yeah, i was in a really good marching band in high school. i can play the piano, trumpet, french horn, tuba, flute, bass and electric guitar, drums, etc. i was also a church kid so yeah..., i can read music and i know how to compose music.

what were you like as a child? ↠ I'm the youngest of 4 and the only girl. I'm sure my parents' lives were hell.

favorite subject at school? ↠ music, art, history(when presented correctly), biology, english, pe

least favorite subject? ↠ well i went to catholic school then private school so pretty much everything was a drag but any type of math lol, physics, and Spanish (only bc everyone expected me to help them cheat bc i have a Spanish speaking parent but i was learning like them lmao. i was so stressed out.)

what's your best character trait? ↠ i'm a good listener and some people say i give good advice

what's your worst character trait? ↠ i don't like asking for help. i just can't do it.

if you could change any detail of your day right now what would it be? ↠ i wouldn't have forgot my lunch at home lol

if you could travel in time who would you like to meet? ↠ probably my mom's twin. she passed away a month before i was born and everyone always says i remind them of her.

recommend one of your favorite fanfics (spread the love): ↠ carousel by @yoonia. moonlit throne by @hobidreams. and i can't just name one fic but @untaemedqueen is also one of my favorite writers.

tagging: @beomcoups @hobeemin @unholywriters @shuadotcom @shadowkoo @caelesjjk @xomakara and anyone else who'd like to participate.

[suuho]

mutuals as svt songs & members + why please!

hi! under read more cause this is long!!

@young-jae as scoups / snap shoot: sofie is like the big sister i never had and i love her to death. her vibes are the entire snap shoot video in one and her friendship makes me feel light and loved and understood, and never like any work at all. i also love dino's verse and dk's harmony here a lot and i think that is really just the two of us in, like, 5 seconds.

@bisexualhobibi as jeonghan / all my love: ana is my best friend in the world. they are funny, mischievous, opinionated, caring, brilliant, and just the absolute bestest person you could ever have the luck to meet. i have no idea how they deemed me cool enough to become friends with them to be honest??? sometimes i feel like i don't deserve a friendship like this. all my love only amounts to so much, you know? but even so, i would do everything for them.

@herewegobebe as joshua / aju nice: ah, ru!!! i love ru so much. she is such a veteran in the shawol fandom and i feel like joshua is a good fit for her. aju nice is the kind of song that makes you nostalgic but is also just a huge fucking party, and i think there's nothing us shawols know better / love more than that.

@huiwife as jun / rock with you: a fellow gemini, this was such a no brainer. jasmine has the energry of jun cooking his hot pot for everyone, that quiet kind of devotion. to me, anyways. i chose rock with you because i feel like it has that kind of infectious vibe that jasmine has, and because it could have been a pentagon b-side.

@jjaes as hoshi+minghao / thanks: do i need to say anything here, actually? yes, al gets a double bill so sorry to whoever would have been minghao, i guess. thinking about this makes me want to bawl my eyes out so i will keep it short, mostly. al is the only person in the world who understands me unconditionally and who has never, ever left me, and never will. there is not enough thanks, or even words, in the world to convey my gratitude. not enough love, either. also, she is the perfect marriage of hoshi's gemini delusion and minghao's spirituality and no nonsense approach to life.

@wonublr as wonwoo / oh my!: lee is the wonu to my woozi and of the funnest people i ever met on caratblr. we just kinda clicked instantly and that is so rare! she has the kind of calming influence on me that wonwoo has on a grumpy gremlin like jihoon, and i just adore having her around. i chose oh my!, a song that i absolutely love, because it is so carefree and bubbly and lovely, and lee is all of that to me.

@magzineho as woozi / 24h: if i have to hand out my most beloved, dearest, most important jihoon to anyone, it gotta be rosie. i love you and i love yelling about all things pentagon and musical theater and literally anything else in this world with you. real recognizes real and that's why you are the jihoon of my heart. 24h is one of my favorite seventeen songs and i think you'd vibe with it really well.

@tipannies as dk / fallin' flower: mari, one of my favorite people in the entire world. i love you so much, and i know you probably don't see yourself that way, but to me you are sunshine, much like dk's role in the group. also, your talent is vast and endless and makes me feel like the luckiest fool in the world getting to witness it. i chose falling flower for you because the songs is tender and soft and aches, and yet, it picks you right off the ground. i think it's a song that understands melancholy and heartache and pain, and i love this song and you.

@ohoshi as mingyu / spider: hoshi central cora is the mingyu to al's minghao and also the mingyu to al's hoshi. if you get it, you get it. spider is another no-brainer here! as a group song, i would have either given her fearless or hot. i think there is so much we can achieve if we let go of our anxieties and fears and just believe in ourselves. i was born in fear but i got back on the horse fearless. wonwoo said something like that once, in don quixote.

@yejiswife as seungkwan / heaven's cloud: jenny, one of the best people on the planet ..... it is a fucking honor to know them and love them and cherish them and just, like. call them a friend. i would give jenny the world if i could. they are as fun and brazen and genius as seungkwan and yet, their heart is as soft and honest and sweet as a cloud. also, i personally love heaven's cloud a lot. i love you, jenny. <3

@usershua as vernon / 2 minus 1: vivi, ofc, had to be vernon. she is the vernon to my woozi and she absolutely understands what it's like to be so enamored with a man it makes you look stupid. but, on a more serious note, vivi is so cool and calm and so brilliantly artistic that i think hansol is a great fit for her. i had to give her 2 minus 1 for reasons. i'm pretty sure she gets it.

@kimtaegis as dino / anyone: last but not least. i think that there is a quiet perseverance and stubbornness in annie that has made her resilient and stronger than she would ever admit or even realize. yet, she has a soft core that is, i think, much like chan's and deserves to be filled up to the brim with love. anyone was her most played song of 2021, and i think those cool movie vibes of the song really suit her! annie always looks like she stepped straight off a movie set.

[shawoluvs]

~check in tag~ I was tagged by the lovely @anyhao, and this is super cute so thank you~~

why did you choose your url? I chose my url because I am a Shawol and a Reveluv! At the time I'd been through several urls based on eras/songs and they only worked for a short while so I wanted something more permanent and SHINee are my ults while Red Velvet is the first girl group I really started following so here we go~ I actually have a list of other fandom combo names for urls though just in case~

do you have any sideblogs? I do indeed because I am one of those people who has to divide my interests in order to not get overwhelmed by them~ I have a general multifandom/literature/personal blog @lonesplendour and an anime/manga blog @kimitokara~

how long have you been on tumblr? A long time, like maybe 10 years???? I really got into tumblr when I was in my early teens 'cause other social media (idek if I count tumblr as social media pffttt) just wasn't cutting it. I've been on like all sides of tumblr at this point like rpgs, chaotic mess blogs, book blogging etc. etc. But most of those blogs no longer exist. Only one of them kinda does and I've not been able to access it for literally years 'cause I canny get into the email it's attached too and my 100000000000 attempts to get tumblr to help me out with it (like I literally once asked them to just like shut it down if I couldn't access it but no luck there) has just never worked so... that's fun...

do you have a queue tag? Nope~

why did you start your blog in the first place? As much as tumblr can be a mess I do really like it as a platform for seeing great content for my interests so basically when the blog mentioned above was no longer accessible (it's so maddening too like I just can't remember the password and I can't set a new one 'cause it's an old email I also can't access?????) I decided to make this one anndddd for a while this was a similar like multifandom, anything goes blog, but then I divided up after a while.

why did you choose this profile picture? I wanted a profile picture that related to my url and in my head it was so cute 'cause I was going to have this whole colour scheme like SHINee themed and have a header and icon that matched and then after hours of trying to make all these things I got tired and was just like "yes this version will do" and there we have it~~~ Like I don't hate my icon (my girls with SHINee lightsticks, what's not to love???) but it's just not... edited well... at all ejhrgbejrge but sometimes there's a vision and sometimes you create it and other times you sail right past it and wonder how you lost yourself on this other thing but no longer have the patience to try again so you settle for where you ended up and that's my icon right there.

why did you choose this header? ^same as above.

whats your post with the most notes? I went to check and it's this one. Which really just proves people are thirsty for Taemin.

how many mutuals do you have? Imma count. 96 on this blog specifically! Which is quite a lot actually, that's really nice~

how many followers do you have? 405 on this blog~

how many people do you follow? 266 pfffttt which honestly makes my mutual number even nicer 'cause it means like 1/3 of the people I follow are my mutuals~

have you ever made a shitpost? Tons. Strange of you to think I make much of anything else, honestly.

how often do you use tumblr? Pretty much daily. I don't necessarily actively reblog and post original content daily but I tend to do a daily check in of sorts~

have you ever had an argument or a fight with another blog? Not really though anons have tried to pick fights with me particularly on my anime blog, it's not something I really take seriously, it was generally ship drama and was so random like... good times honestly

how do you feel about “you have to reblog this” posts? someone telling me I have to reblog something immediately puts me off honestly, I know that's childish or whatever but like if it's important or something I like/care about I'll reblog it without the guilt so...

do you like tag games? Yesssssss~~~ so again, thank you for this tag~

do you like ask games? I do! I think ask games can be very cute but I don't do them that often, mainly 'cause I get embarrassed if I don't get any asks from it but equally if someone I follow is doing one I'm like "I can't send them an ask, that's so embarrassing!!!" so in other words, yes I do but also I am terrible at the whole concept

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? I'm not sure how to measure tumblr fame, like is that by followers or...... cause honestly quite a few of my mutuals seem to have a lot of followers (as they should, they're lovely) but I also just don't know, I don't tend to ask them or know that about them because I don't care??? The whole followers thing isn't a big deal to me... notes on content on the other hand hahaha likeeeeeeeeee support content creators thanking you

do you have any crushes on any mutuals? No??? I mean ejhrbgjee I don't really know most of my mutuals very well (honestly 96 is nice but also like 96 people ejhgbjerge that's a lot for my anxiety to process, I've barely said two words to most of them, seriously I'm so sorry, it's not you it's me, you're all great) but also in general I've not had a genuine crush on anyone in........................................ years? so... fun times

I'm going to tag a few of my lovely mutuals, though obviously not all of them 'cause ejhrgbjere that's a lot, but anyway pls participate if you like and apologies again for probably never having even said hi to you~ @userseokkie, @lilbubtaemin, @eternallys, @joshriku, @babyseulgii, @fourseascns, @atinyhater, @ncityzen, @haechsan, @solaarflaree

[nadstylinson]

Tagged by my baby @shawol-ikonic iloveu hun 😘

make yourself with this picrew and tag some mutuals

I tag: @kihyunspanda @wh1nyjimin @su-beanie @jacobteeth @namgisbitch @elisas-mind @ikon-one-and-only @purestojunkyu @master-of-suga and anyone else who wants to 🥰

[just-some-random-blogger]

Wheel Of Fortune

EXO Park Chanyeol x Reader + others Characters: EXO Summary:  Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Chanyeol was head over heels for you but he was 100% in denial that you liked Kyungsoo. Word Count: 1k+ Warnings: CRACK FOOL. RUN IF YOURE NOT HERE FOR THAT, jealousy, bottled emotions, fluff ending, etc.

A/N: this was TOO FLUFFY tbh. i wanted to hurt myself but it turned into fluff but oh well

let’s start at the beginning

your parents were introduced by mutual friends and started talking on the phone

okay kidding that’s too far

right

so you worked at SM

and is the maknae of a seven member coed group that debut a year after BigBang and a year before SHINee

(so 2007)

which considering the fact you were younger than Sehun by a couple of months meant you debuted at 10

just roll with it cos ITZ MY VERY SPECIFIC PLOT DMMIT

wheLP

the members were all exactly one year apart and the members from eldest to youngest,, the sequence was a guy (@ 30 yrs old), a girl (29), a guy (28), a girl (27), a guy (26), a guy (25), then you (24).

I KNOW I DONT NEED THIS BUT THIS IS HOW I IMAGINED THIS PLOT IT DMMIT

ok

since you were basically a sunbae at SM even tho u were a smol child you wanted to show your support to your hoobaes

So a day before their debut as a whole group, you, along with the eldest member of your group, who was the leader, visited EXO in the dance studio and gave moral support

You were A BIG FAN and it showed

not that you were hiding it in the first place

your leader was HIGH KEY embarrassed by you, but low key thought it was kinda cute how excited you were for this song

so dUH EXO dances growl for you

anD YOU NEARLY SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST BECAUSE OF HOW PERFECT EVERYTHING WAS

Luhan’s voice

Baekhyun’s attitude

Sehun’s resting bitch face

eeeerrrrrthing

YOU WERE ON THE FLOOR SCREAMING 

literally

and Junmyeon thought you were adOrAbLE

“I think she malfunctioned,” your leader gave a face and pushed you on the shoulder to see if you were still breathing as you let out a silent scream

“CAN YOU GUYS DO IT ONE MORE TIME”

????? 

Jongin was too out of breath to fight you

but lol u know what

they did dance again for you

BECAUSE YALL HAD THE CUTEST LIL FACE AND YOU WERE LIKE 16 SO

after that your band and exo were pretty much in one group 

like hella tight 

you were bsicly conjoined twinss

You could be at an award show and your table would be abandoned because you decided to sit with exo or vice versa

HYPING EACH OTHER WAS NOT EVEN HYPE ANYMORE BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE YOU GUYS WERE RABID OR SOMETHING WTF 

!!!!CALM!!!!!DOWN!!!!

like you + your group to them:

“thtAS MY CHILd!”

“DID YOU SEE YIXING AND HIS HIPS FUCK YOU BITCH!”

“HE WAS RUDE. THAT WAS RUDE. THAT’S NOT ALLOWED”

“GET OFF THE STAGE SLUT”

“WWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP BITCH!”

“~~~that was sooooooo sOFYT”

“CHEN STFU! YOU NEED TO STOP USING THAT DAMN VOICE OF YOURS JONGDAE. THATS ILLEEEEEGAL!”

“myY HERT!”

“OPPA *cries in korean* PLESS!”

“WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY!!!!!?“

‘iN fRonT oF MY sALaD”

“PA$$ THE H01Y W4T3R”

“NO KAI. BAD KAI. STTOOOOPPPP.”

you @ baekyun

baekyun @ you

thIS IS A CHANYEOL HEADCANON BUT I LOOK AT THIS FUCKIN MORON WHO I HATE SO MUCH SOMEONE SAVE HIM FROM HIS IDIOCY

them to you + your group:

“first of all fuck, second FUCK”

“wh-- whT WHAS THAT HIP MOVEMENT. U ARE 4 YRS OLD”

“HE did t h a t.”

“NOOOOOONNNNNNNNNAAAAA ch0k3 me”

“I CANT HEAR YOU OVER U BEING SUCH A HOE”

“i cant beLIEVE THIS STADIUM IS SO QUIET” *ears are actually bleeding*

“NOt TODaY S4T4N”

“I DIDNT ASK FOR THIS”

“how does this have 300M views????? ONLY 300M I--”

“GAAAAAHHHHH WHAT WAS THAT MOVE WHT WAS IT”

“my soul has been touched”

“this is TOOOOOOOO much ma lord”

“DID YOU JUST RIP YOUR SHIRT OFF?“

“TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF!”

“ASDFRTYUJM ive been shot”

ya dig

it’s not verbal abuse if they can’t hear you cause of the bass and the fact your on stage performing

but like

you guys did everything together

practiced

ate

shopped

toured

pranked

T O G E T H E R

like who else in SM mattered

SHINee who?

JK YOUWERE A SHAWOL THROUGH AND THROUGH

you reassure Minho everytime unless you wanted to die that day

YOu EVEN FANGIRLED OVER TAEMIN’s MOVE WITH MINSEOK

BUT YOU OBVI you had MORE THAN ENOUGH ROOM TO BE AN EXO-L and an elf and a cassie and a so-won and DONT FOrget a vip and a---

you get the point

ANYWAY

as you were close with everyone you had a special bond with every individual

YALL STILL TEXT WITH YA BOY KRIS

yOU WENT ON A SHOW IN CHINA WITH LUHAN

TAO LEAVES PUKE COMMENTS ON YOUR INSTA POSTS

my ot12

and as much as you say you are equally close with everyone

errbody knows that be bull the size of russia

yall caNNOT dENy that you and chanyeol have the same crack powder on your philtrums

LIKE KYUNGSOO CANNOT LIVE WHEN YOU TWO ARE TOGETHER

LET HIM LIVEEEEEE

this moment must never die

ya boy be mindin his own business then

BAM BITCH

you and chanyeol be makin D.O. cray af

rest assured he HAS thought of how he’d kill both of you

ANd that’s why chanyeol loves you

like he decided he liked you the moment you lost your breath laughing when he threw a rubber duck at Kyunggsoo’s head, making it squeak in the most demented way no one thought possible

but he knew he loved you when you helped him lighten up on one of his dark days

you had that kind of effect on people

i mean all you did was sit down with him, both of your backs leaned up against each other’s, head occasionally leaning against the other’s head or shoulder, and played some nothings on the guitar and ukulele

but that was more than enough

you were there with him

and that’s what mattered

But literally the moment he accepted his feelings for you

he began to notice something he felt 100000% dumb for not seeing before

the way you laugh when Kyungsoo says a lame-ass joke

the way you always hug him from behind

you did that with literally everyone you were close with sure, 

but Chanyeol noticed you did it with him more 

and he 3

there was also the way you were just always winding up next to Soo when he was around, like he had some sort of magnet on him

and how you just liked poking his cheeks, begging him to show his dimples

which were really faint like gurl--

chANYEOL HAD DIMPLES TOO

CHANYEOL HAS DIMPLES

why daheq did you like his close to nonexistent ones?????????

????????

okay you liked poking Lay’s dimples more

look at my boy, who i love with burning passion ANDWILL DESTROY SM FOR BECAUSE HE JUST WANTS TO BE WITH HIS BAND SM SM SM!!!!! CHINA KOREA POLITICS FK ALL YALL

and suho

and chen

anD FINE--

yeah you did poke his too

literally anyone who remotely has dimples tbh

BT WHY KYUNGSOO

ads;ajsd;lasjdkas #jelly

so chanyeol decides to ask someone about it

so he obviously goes to his wisest hyung

but the day he  wants to talk to Suho, YOU WERE ON A DATE WITH HIM

like a date but not a date date he could tell

BUT A DATE NONETHELESS AND HE WAS KINDA JELLY

so he goes to Baekhyun for some fucking reason

and he’s like “omg u like her i couLDnt FUCKING TELL FROM ALL THE HEARTS IN TH AIR”

instant regret

but like Baek did give him some advice

like 5% was advice

the other 99% was him screaming to just be a man and tell her

so chanyeol is like, “STFU.... also she likes kyungsoo so fml”

and for a hot second Baekhyun has nothing to say

BAEKHYUN HAS NOTHING TO SAY

“idek dude. this is why i flirted with her openly”

Chanyeol punched him for saying that

but he decides he’s going to tell you after like 231109 years

cos Jongdae said you don’t like Kyungsoo and that he’s sure of it

Chanyeol asked how he was sure and he was just all like

“she had a crush on Sungmin hyung before and DID NOT act like that at all.”

That made Chanyeol a lot more hopeful

So he just went for it

and asked if you wanted to get lunch

and then after eating, you guys walked back

and he just sort of blurted it out

“Joahaeyo.”

you just looked at him and chuckled, “Thank you. I like you too, Yeolie.”

bitch are you for real rn

before Chanyeol could clarify, your walking slowed, “I’ve known for a while now.”

ok

wait

w h a t

“Minseok oppa told me.”

?????????? uhm HOW DID HE KNOW

Chanyeol’s hands were waterfalls atm, “Why did he tell you?”

Your face starts burning red and chanyeol cant help but think of it as a bad sign

“I told him I liked him...”

“... and he said he can’t reciprocate because he knows you like me, and that he can’t do that to his dongsaeng.”

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah 

cool story bro

you liked someone in EXO that was NOT him

cool cool cool

I GUESS CHEN WAS RIGHT 

THANKS

wait did that mean chanyeol was this obvious

wait did that mean chanyeol ruined your chances with his hyung

wait was this why you cried that one time

WaiT WAS THIS WHY YOU HUNG AROUND KYUNGSOO

BECAUSE WHENEVER MINSEOK WAS IN THE ROOM, YOU WOULD GET KINDA STIFF AT A POINT AND KYUNGSOO MAKE A JOKE TO MAKE YOU LAUGH

WASTHIS WHY YOU TWO HUNG OUT MORE

WHY HADN’T HE NOTICED

AND IF EVERYONE ELSE DID

WHY DIDNT THEY TELL HIM

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Chanyeol frowned and called out your name, proceeding to apologize

“Wae? why are you sorry? did you tell minseok to say that to me?“

he couldn’t feel mushy and weird at what you said

“YA dont tell me youre going to be weird around me too. It’s bad enough Minseok oppa distanced himself a bit.”

Chanyeol couldn’t help but be angry, sad, protective, and annoyed all at once at what you just admitted to him

“I’ll tell him to stop.”

You pouted, “you don’t have to tell anyone anything, chanyeol.”

“yes but you don’t deserve to feel awkward around anyone.”

“yes but that was minseok oppa’s choice.”

“yes but he was only doing that because he’s my hyung and he’s dumb.”

“yes but-- 

OU KNOW WHAT WHY DONT WE ALL JUST BE AWKWARD AROUND EACH OTHER”

and so you walked forward fast and tried to ignore chanyeol

Chanyeol, with his freakishly long legs caught up with you though

he caught your arm

“What tf are you doing?“

“Ew dont talk to me its awkward. im awkward. your awkward.”

Chanyeol laughed. “yaaaaa, why do i like you?

“THAT’S WHAT IM THINKING HO”

[zhangbalance]

Alphabet Tag!!!

RULES: answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better. 

i was tagged by @my-kdrama-life <3 (thank you, it honestly so nice to get to know you!!!)

a // age: 18 (although i’ll turn 19 soon) b // birthplace: South America c // current time: 4:32 pm d // drink you last had: Orange Juice  e // easiest person to talk to: my best friend carlos!!! We can talk about the dumbest stuff and understand each other. Also we can rant forever about life, our favorite shows, biases, etc.  f // favorite songs: Oh god this is going to be long! Ummm okay so:                 - Lucifer by shinee, Sherlock by shinee, Press your number by taemin (shawol here hehe), energetic by w1, never from p101, mask by yixing, playing with fire from Blackpink, I am the best from 2NE1, hoot and run devil run by snsd, mama, call me baby, monster and black pearl from EXO, I need u from bts, I don’t wanna cry and boom boom from Svt

g // grossest memory: One time a girl i knew got drunk in a party and passed out and while she was puking all over herself I tried moving her hair so it wouldn’t get dirty, but it was too late and I ended up with her puke in my fingers.... ew.

h // horror yes or horror no: YASSSSSS I LOVE IT

i // in love? nope. Ngl i feel lonely sometimes. j // jealous of people: more than i would like to admit l // love at first sight or should i walk by again? walk again m // middle name? Maria

n // number of siblings: one, a younger sibling o // one wish: to be rich af and have a bunch of pets lmao p // person you called last: my vet, my dog is currently sick :( q // questions you’re always asked: “Are you angry?” no, I just have a rbf “DO you want to go out” nope i’m busy (i have 20 dramas, scenarios and comebacks to catch up on) s // song you last sang: Mr. Doctorman by Palaye Royale (shameless promo, check them out, they are underrated af)

t // time you woke up: Like 8:30 a.m.

u // underwear color: Multicolor (vs’s fault) v // vacation destination: dream vacation with money not being an issue? One hell of a tour around Asia, i know china but i would love to go to Japan, Korea (ahem), Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Singapore, Malaysia, well you name it.

w // worst habit: Biting my nails and breaking them, also i tend to bite my lips a lot too. x // x-rays: a few in my life. y // your favorite food: pasta and sushi, just any kind and i’ll be happy. z // zodiac sign: cancer

i tag: Okay so I’m an awkward potato and i don’t know a lot of mutuals through this specific blog so (also please please don’t feel pressured into doing this): @themoodytrash (potato buddies lmao) @qianct (hii!) @writtenbyrachel (hope i can get to know you better :D) @yanjuniverse (idk if you have made this before, just in case i’m sorry just ignore it :) ) @yuehuaboyz  and anyone else who follows me! If you do it, tag me so I can get to know you!!

Also since i want to know my mutuals from other blogs and tag some friends:

From @roseseob: @whyybaek, @beloved-jooheon @youzhangpang (May, it took me a while to figure out you had changed blogs lmao)

[38sr]

...

I know that it’s been quite some time since I’ve posted on my blog (and I’ll explain why in another post later today or tomorrow). But right now, I would like to say some things regarding to news of Jonghyun. I woke up this morning to very heartbreaking news and I’m truly sad for what happened.

I’m saying these words not as an EXO-L or kpop fan in general, but as a person who has suffered from depression and suicidal thoughts. I’ve been dealing with depression (and on some levels anxiety) since high school and am still learning how to accept this part of myself and handle my ups and downs.

Mental illnesses are silent beasts. Because there is no physicality to these kind of illnesses, many people don’t see or understand what’s going in our heads. Or, how close we are to the edge. It’s heart wrenching and truly upsetting that Jonghyun had reached that point, but please know that he is in a better place and not hurting anymore.

As fans, the only thing we see is their smile and success, but never what happens behind closed doors. Idols/celebrities are humans too. Humans with emotions that fluctuate from time to time. They are no different than anyone else and experience the same hardships of life. However, they are subjected to criticism and hate for their public image. Words are extremely powerful, especially in an age of social media and technology.

Many people will not understand how hard it is to keep going and perform daily tasks when dealing with a mental illness. Often times, we show others we are okay on the outside, but on the inside it’s a different story. Jonghyun always gave his best to his fans and it’s truly amazing to see how much love and support he gave (for LGTB+, mental illness, and anyone who was just different)...even though he was struggling. 

For those who do struggle with mental illnesses, please don’t be afraid to speak and express how you feel. I know it’s hard to speak about it, I know it’s hard to explain it, I know it’s hard to accept it and ask for help... Your emotions are valid, you are human, it’s okay to not be okay, it’s okay to cry, you’re not broken, your mental health is important. Silence is strong and hits the heart harder when everything is said and done. Please know that they are people who care for you and want to help (including myself).

And for those who keep asking questions, “why, they had so much of this and that, what went wrong, how could this have happened”, you won’t ever fully understand the reason behind why a choice like this was made. Again, mental illness is not a physical illness, therefore no physical material that can “cure” it. It’s not something curable because it’s something deeper than the surface. There is so much that factors into the issue that you can never place one singular explanation. Instead of trying figure out why, take this chance to learn more about the issue and raise awareness. There are many people like Jonghyun who are suffering and need someone to talk to. People don’t choose to be this way and it’s hard to live everyday knowing that you’re not “normal” and “okay”. Mental illness affects everyday people and the people we see on the media. Whether it be a close friend or an online mutual, please listen and embrace those who struggle with mental illnesses. 

I just want to thank all of you guys who have followed me up until now and have given me support despite my emotional episodes in my personal life. I hope you guys understand that your words and kindness are one of the handful of reasons why I still keep going. Why I continue pursuing art and why I continue to try and improve myself. It really does matter, so, I’m eternally thankful.

My condolences to Jonghyun, his family, Shinee and Shawols. I know this hurts the most for you since you’ve seen and known Jonghyun the most. Please know that Jonghyun is in a better place. Please let everyone know that mental illnesses are a real problem and there are many people who are in/was in Jonghyun’s position who are in the dark and suffering. I know it hurts now, so please take this time to let everything out.

Today may have been a sad day, but let’s take a step forward to improve the world for happier days.

[bangtanhug]

I 500% agree with u. Jinki, Kibum, Minho and Taemin.. this will be harder for the four of them. I hope they stay strong, we shawols love them. Ppl forget Idols are HUMAN BEINGS like us (that's why I hate it when people act around them as if they were an alien or animal). I hope Jonghyun is in a happier and better place. It really sucks we can't do more :'( Mental Health is such serious and silent issue that needs more attention

This will be hard for this family, friends and everyone else who had connection with him in any way…every pain is pain, there is no difference :( I hope everyone will stay strong, I’m really worried about those fans who can’t process this or struggle with similar porblems like Jonghyun. I hope they will reach out to someone, to their friends, parents or mutuals and go through this. Idols, or ordinary people - we’re all just humans with same problems and issues. We all have bad days/good days, we face with our damons and problems and try our best to win over them. 

I hope the same…i hope he can be happy wherever he is …. that he is free from these bad thought and can smile…im just still under shock. i cant believe it, sorry for being this speechless.

mental health is a serious issue …In asia the suicide rate is the highest and honestly the fact that even in 21th century we have to convince people to not look over these issues hurts me. Because our society is like that, those who struggle do it silently, they feel ashamed to search for help or go to therapyst because others will make fun of them or say: oh you always smile how can you have a problem?  when i was struggling with my own problems i was silent about, didn’t go to see anybody for a while until my mom convinced me to go…it didnt cure me 100% but lessened the pain and helped me overcome some of my fears. but i never told anyone in my school or my friends because i was afraid of their judge so it was a big secret and remain like that. only my best friend knew about it and now obviously you who read this (but its fine since we will probably never meet so i dont have to feel ashamed of myself)….its just hard…hard to those who need help and those who want to help :( …its a never ending circle 

[virgocity]

Yeah it’s the twitter shawols, the colours aren’t even the same bu they’re “trying to protect the meaning of the colour that belongs to them” it’s cringe

Okay let me clarify my last answer and say that MOST Shawols are awesome and chill and very cool but the ones on Twitter... I've blocked a lot of the ones on Twitter. I have 2 Shawol mutuals who I really like (and I'm afraid to check their recent tweets and see it they've said anything about this) but the others... I don't really GET them?? They sorta make me uncomfortable and so this doesn't surprise me. As long as TXT doesn't see that bullshit and get upset, I say we just block the people complaining and wait for them to get bored and move on to something else.