#who can blame you for grabbing it without looking too closely at the strings attached

[seijorhi]

No Strings Attached

A commission for the lovely @hearteyes-candyskies, hope you like it bby! 💕

Bokuto Koutarou x female reader

TW Age gap, power imbalance, manipulation, toxic behaviour, nsfw(ish)

Three months ago, you would have laughed at the very idea of having a sugar daddy. 

Then again, three months ago you were still living with your boyfriend and had a steady paycheck coming in every week. You can blame losing the latter on bad luck and an asshole boss, but the former-

You knew your relationship with your ex was far from perfect, but coming home from losing said job to find him buried balls deep in your next door neighbour was a bit of a slap in the face. 

Needless to say, in the space of a few days you were out a job, a boyfriend and an apartment. Which, somewhat inevitably, led to you being six wines deep, slumped over your best friend’s bed, sobbing over the wreckage of the life you’d built, suddenly ripped out from beneath you.

You can’t really remember whose idea it was, only giggling drunkenly between yourselves as Misuzu set up your ‘sugar baby’ profile. “Shh, no this is gonna be great,” she’d said, hitting at the hands that tried to grab back your phone. “Meet some hot rich old dude, ride a little dick, let him shower you in cash; all your problems? Poof, sorted!”

And even with the heady, rose tinted haze of your wine fuelled inebriation, you knew that it was just a joke, a bit of stupid fun born more out of an attempt to cheer you up than a viable plan to get the tattered remains of your life back on track. Calling some old creepy dude ‘daddy’ and pretending to love him (not to mention the whole letting him fuck you thing) just for a little money wasn’t exactly your idea of a good time.

Plus, you were fairly sure that you weren’t what most people had in mind when they thought ‘sugar baby’. It wasn’t ever meant to be anything serious, just dumb, drunken fun with your friend.

So when you woke the next day a little after mid morning with a head full of regrets and a pounding headache, the last thing you expected was to find a message from BigDaddyKou82 waiting for you, better sense told you to ignore it.

Honestly, you didn’t really want a sugar daddy, your love life was enough of a mess without throwing in a power imbalance like that.

You should have ignored the message, deleted it or shot him a quick reply politely explaining that you weren’t interested so you could put it out of your mind, and you would have-

If Misuzu hadn’t caught sight of the message first, snatching the phone out of your hand with a gleeful shriek. 

—

If you’ve learned anything in these past months, it’s that Bokuto Koutarou doesn’t do anything by half measures. So when he tells you he’s booked dinner for the two of you at an upscale restaurant in the city, you should have expected the package that’s hand delivered right to the door of your shitty little apartment. The dress is beautiful, expensive - though you could tell that just from the elegant matte black box wrapped in golden ribbon it arrives in. It’s exactly his style; short, revealing and just dancing along the edge of impropriety, not that that’ll bother him in the slightest. 

But it is gorgeous, and loathe as you are to admit it, it flatters you well.

It’s not the first time that he’s bought you clothes, your tiny closet’s almost overflowing with pieces he’s gifted you. He likes seeing you in the things he’s bought, sometimes a little too much, you think. But you’ve learned it’s better just to go along with it - he gets this wide eyed, beaming grin whenever he sees you dressed in the pretty things he’s bought you, and the sight of it never fails to make your cheeks heat, warmth curling in your stomach. 

The dress was not unexpected. The soft, lacy lingerie that comes in the accompanying box, on the other hand - that was new.

And of course, you barely have time to unwrap your gift when your phone flashes to life, an incoming call from the man himself.

“D’ya like it?”

The giddy excitement in his voice is unmistakable, and if you close your eyes you can picture the look on his face - golden eyes all hooded and hungry, that glittering, eager grin he wears when the two of you are out in public but his mind’s occupied with all the filthy, wonderful things he wants to do to you the moment you’re alone. 

Not that he’s ever that patient. 

“Um, it’s…” Fingers tentatively reach into the tissue paper, pulling the sheer, lacy bra out, warmth blossoming in your cheeks. The matching panties - a tiny scrap of lace held together with bows and thin black straps - really aren’t much better. Like the dress, the lingerie is clearly well made, probably cost more than your weekly rent, and the delicate set is arguably gorgeous (you can’t even argue his taste), but–

“You’re gonna wear it for me tonight, right, baby?” 

It’s not really a question; of course you will, because you always do. You would have thought by now that you’d be used to the gifts he showers you in. 

“Yeah, but Kou, you really didn’t have to spend all this money on me. Dinner’s enough,” you tell him, setting the lingerie back down. 

Dinner, and everything else for that matter. 

A chuckle echoes down the line. “But I like spoiling my girl. Like buying you pretty things,” his voice dips, “like tearing ‘em off you afterwards, too.” 

And despite all the apprehension curled up inside of you, a shiver of excitement runs down your spine. 

—

“So…” Misuzu pushes, leaning across the countertop with her chin resting on her palm and looking entirely too pleased at your discomfort.

“He… asked me to meet him.”

Her eyes widen, sparkling in delight as she gasps, “For dinner?”

“For a drink - one drink,” you clarify. You elect not to tell her that he’d initially tried to sway you into dinner, and it was you who’d talked him down to a drink. Truthfully, you’d probably feel more comfortable getting coffee, but meeting at a bar was fine.

One drink, and if things got awkward or he turned out to be a creep you’d be out of there in a heartbeat. 

“Oh my god!! My baby Y/N, all grown up and manipulating old, lonely men for money. I’m so proud,” she wipes a fake tear from her eye and bursts into a fit of giggles.

A crinkle appears between your brow as you frown at her, “He’s not even that old,” you grumble, “and it’s not like that. You know it’s not.”

“No?” she asks, her lips curling into a teasing smirk. “You know, for somebody who was so against me messaging your soon to be sugar daddy, you sure move quickly.”

She laughs at the glare you shoot her way. “You were the one who started this.”

“Mhm, and you were the one who didn’t stop it. Funny that, don’t you think?”

She looks like the cat that ate the canary; smug, glittering amusement written all across her face. And you hate, more than anything, that she’s right.

Because you’d meant to put a stop to it the moment you managed to wrestle your phone back from her. Afterwards, you’d blame the lingering hurt of having your heart broken, the insecurities and bitter humiliation that plagued you, the feeling that you weren’t good enough to stop your boyfriend from straying for making you so pathetically vulnerable and desperate for approval - but when you opened the chat instead of the sleazy come on’s you expected, his first message makes something inside of you flutter, warm and pleasant.

Holy crap, you’re beautiful.

Not exactly a sonnet from Shakespeare, but you can’t remember the last time any guy, much less your ex, called you beautiful. 

It didn’t exactly hurt that instead of the aging, creepy looking letch you were half expecting, the profile picture showed a rather fit, attractive man in a crisp, black suit with silvery grey streaked hair and an easy grin. Of course, it was a fifty-fifty chance that the pic wasn’t even him, or if it was then it was outdated or heavily edited, but it was enough to make you pause.

Enough to make you… curious, if nothing else.

But ridiculously attractive or not, you weren’t going to lead him on. If he wanted some pretty, simpering thing to fuck and throw money at, to call him daddy and be his sweet, obedient little girl - that wasn’t you. You’d explained that you weren’t really sure if this was your thing, that you probably weren’t what he had in mind, but surprisingly he hadn’t been put off by that.

Well what’s the harm in finding out for yourself? Maybe you’ll like it more than you think ;)

—

There were rules, when you started - lines you both agreed wouldn’t be crossed.

First and foremost, while it wasn’t exactly a conventional relationship - at least, not the kind you were used to - it was still a relationship of sorts, and there was an expectation of honesty in lieu of absolute exclusivity. You’d tell him if you were seeing anybody else, and Bokuto would tell you the same. Considering sex was on the table, it made sense.

You swore right from the beginning that you wouldn’t allow yourself to become financially dependent on him - you knew all too well that relationships were fickle things to begin with. That kind of dependency was half the reason you were in this position in the first place, and you wouldn’t - couldn’t - let that happen again. That didn’t mean that the arrangement wasn’t transactional. After a few initial meetings that went better than you expected, the two of you came to an agreement; a nice little sum of money he’d deposit weekly in your account in exchange for you being there when he wanted you. Dinner dates, skype calls when he’s travelling, spur of the moment weekends away in expensive hotels - whatever he wanted... within reason.

The thing is, despite his flaws - the little funks he gets into, his immaturity despite the age gap between you, the way he clings to you, mopes if you don’t pay him the attention he wants - you genuinely like Bo, he’s oddly endearing. Loveable, even. He reminds you a little of a puppy; eager for affection, bright and boisterous with boundless energy (and enviable stamina). He’s sweet and adoring and funny and he has this uncanny ability to make everything else fade away when you’re with him, to make you feel like you’re the only woman in the room, beautiful and perfect and entirely his-

But that didn’t make him your boyfriend. 

You weren’t lovers, and whether it was in two weeks or two years, you both knew this arrangement had an expiration date. And because of that, there were no strings attached. At any point, either one of you could end it without an explanation - no questions asked, no feelings hurt. 

—

Truthfully, you don’t know an awful lot about Bokuto’s line of work, only that his position within the company is senior enough that he can move around his schedule pretty much as he wants, leaving him free to see you whenever he likes. 

Which wasn’t a problem when that was once or twice a week. 

“Sorry, Koutarou, you know I can’t. Maybe tomorrow?”

The petulant whine that echoes down the phone fills you with an odd sort of  guilt. “Why not? You said no on Friday, too,” he pouts. “I miss you, baby. Wanna see you again.”

You shove down the faint, flickering unease that nudges at your gut. You’re not his girlfriend, and you find yourself wondering whether or not he sometimes deliberately lets himself forget that.

Nibbling at your bottom lip, you frown, “I told you I have work today. It’s too late for me to try and find someone to cover my shift, and if I call in again-”

You can kiss your job goodbye. You’re already on thin ice with your boss, and it’s not like new waitresses are hard to find these days. 

“Well… what time do you finish?” he asks, his voice thick with dejection, as if he already knows what your answer’s going to be.

You bite back a sigh, “Late. I’m on close again.”

The short silence on the other end of the phone is deafening. “… I’ll come pick you up afterwards.”

This time you can’t stop the soft sigh that escapes, “Kou, I’m gonna be exhausted, I won’t be any fun to be around.”

“Still wanna see you. You’re always working,” he grumbles. “Feels like you don’t have time for me anymore, baby.”

Slowly your eyes flutter shut, and you take a deep breath. It always comes back to this. “I need this job, baby. We’ve talked about this… I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? I have the whole day off, I’m entirely yours.”

“All mine, hm?”

You smile, “All yours, promise.”

He hums in acknowledgement, not entirely happy, but temporarily placated. “Fiiiine. But I’m holding you to it.”

As if you expected any less. “I have to go get ready for work. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“I’ll see you later,” he promises, and you hang up a moment later. 

When he said that, you assumed that both of you were on the same page as to what ‘later’ meant.

Three hours into your shift, you hadn’t expected to return from the kitchen to find a grinning Bokuto lounging in one of your booths.

“He asked for you specifically when he came in,” one of your coworkers tells you, shooting you a playful wink. “Didn’t know you were into silver foxes, Y/N. But I can’t say I blame you, he’s hot!”

“Yeah, thanks,” you mutter distractedly, glancing over your shoulder to check your manager wasn’t watching before making your way over.

The smile on your face is tight as golden eyes flicker towards you. “Bokuto,” you begin quietly, “what- what are you doing here?”

An odd look passes across his face at the use of his family name, but the smug grin remains. “You said you had to work tonight,” he says with a cavalier shrug, as if that explained everything. 

“Yes, because I’m working! Kou, I need this job, I can’t-” you break off with a huff, darting another glance over your shoulder. Thankfully, your manager’s busy berating your co-worker for a screwed up order and hasn’t noticed your absence yet.  

Taking advantage of your distracted state, Bokuto reaches across the table to take your hand in his, his thumb stroking back and forth along the back of your palm. “Hey, hey, relax. You’re here to work, I get it, baby. I’m just here for some food, cross my heart,” he swears, drawing an imaginary X over his chest with his finger.

Gently tugging your hand back, you ignore the hurt little pout he gives you. “So you decided to drive twenty minutes across town just to eat here?” you ask, trying to keep the exasperation from colouring your tone. 

He shifts a little in his seat, cheeks flushing a dusty pink under your narrowed stare. “… Well, maybe I wanted to see my pretty girl, too,” he admits, “But I swear I’ll be on my best behaviour!”

Somehow, his words don’t fill you with confidence, but what are you supposed to do? Kick him out? Snap at him for coming despite the fact you told him not to? Taking a deep, steadying breath through your nose, you force yourself to relax. Bokuto’s not hurting anybody by being there, and so long as he keeps his hands to himself, so long as he behaves, it won’t be an issue.

He’s a paying customer, and you’ll treat him just like you would anyone else who walked through the restaurant’s doors.

Yet despite trying to reassure yourself of that, you can’t escape the niggling sense of unease sitting in the pit of your stomach. Even if he’s the perfect gentleman tonight, the perfect stranger, you’ve worked hard to keep your boring day to day life and the one you’ve created with him in nice, neat, separate boxes. Bokuto hasn’t met your friends or your family and outside of Misuzu they don’t have a clue about your arrangement with your attractive if somewhat clingy benefactor.

You don’t want them to know.

Him being here threatens that - it makes you nervous.

But you’ve been with Bokuto long enough to know that you can’t tell him that without hurting his feelings, and you definitely don’t have the energy to deal with that tonight. It’s a conversation for another day.

Instead, you allow a small smile to tug at the corners of your lips, “You know the food’s pretty average here, you might be disappointed.”

Bokuto grins again, mischief sparkling in those golden eyes, and your traitorous heart skips a beat. “Yeah, don’t think that’ll be a problem,” he leans in closer, “I’m far more interested in what’s for dessert.”

Warmth floods your cheeks as he snickers. 

—

For the most part he keeps his hands to himself, but you can’t quite bring yourself to relax when you can feel those golden, hungry eyes burning a hole into your back as you move around the restaurant serving other customers.

You pretend you don’t see the scowling glower he sends to the harmless office-worker who spends a good forty five minutes flirting with you every time you go over to check on his table.

Bokuto orders enough food to feed a small army and stays until close, leaving a more than generous tip on his way out. 

It goes without saying that he waits for you to finish up. The moment you slip out the door, calling out one last goodnight to your coworker, he’s on you, pushing you up against the brick alleyway wall, hiking your legs up over his hips as his mouth attacks yours, greedy and eager, swallowing up any and all protests you might’ve had.

He doesn’t take you home like you ask, but back to his penthouse suite, and neither of you get much sleep that night.

—

You’re halfway through washing your hair a few days later when your shower head splutters once… twice… and stops completely. 

A blockage in the plumbing, your landlord informs you rather apathetically. It’s affecting the whole floor and it’ll take at least a day or two to get somebody out to fix it properly, leaving you without running water for the entirety of that time.

In hindsight, there were at least three other people you could have (and probably should have) called first, but he’s already answering the phone before the thought even occurs to you. 

And then it’s too late to backpedal. You find yourself grateful that he can’t physically see the way you flush and fidget, pacing around your living room as you awkwardly try to explain the reason you’re calling at ten in the morning. 

“Would, I mean, i-is it okay if I come over to use your shower? Just for this one time, mine kind of got interrupted this morning.” 

God, from the way you stutter, stumbling over your own tongue, you’d think you were asking him to marry you. You’ve spent the night at his countless times before, but asking for a favour, even a small one like this - maybe you’re toeing an unwritten line in the sand? Bokuto isn’t with you because he loves you, he’s with you because it’s mutually beneficial for both of you, because of an agreement. 

He wants fun, easy, not you saddling him with minor inconveniences. Calling to ask him to come save you, albeit from something as mundane as a lack of access to a functioning shower, feels like something you’d ask your boyfriend to do. 

Not your sugar daddy.

But just as you’re about to backtrack and apologise for interrupting his morning, he speaks. “What d’you mean? Just come stay with me till it’s fixed.”

He says it with such certainty, as if it’s the most obvious solution and for a moment you’re stunned into silence. “A-are you sure? I don’t want-'' Don't want what? To be an inconvenience? A problem? “I don’t want to be in the way,” you finish lamely.

Bokuto just laughs, “Don’t be stupid, baby, of course you won’t be in the way. Just swing by the office and I can give you the keys. Or I can just get you another set made? I don’t know, we can figure it out later. I’ll see you soon, ‘kay?” 

And you have to admit, as apprehensive as you were stepping into his penthouse alone for the first time, showering in Bokuto’s fancy ensuite bathroom (which you’re fairly sure is bigger than your actual bedroom) is a hell of a lot nicer than doing it at home. The lotions he has are all expensive brands with french names you’ve never even heard of before, but they smell amazing and they leave your skin feeling all soft and silky. Even the shampoo he’s bought for you to use is far nicer than the one you have at home, though you’re secretly pleased that its scent’s similar - your favourite, actually. 

Did he buy them knowing that or was it just a coincidence, you wonder. You never thought to ask. 

Without work, or Bo for that matter, to occupy your time, you decide to take advantage of his gigantic TV, opening up Netflix and settling into his ridiculously comfortable couch… 

… And wake, a few hours later to the feeling of fingers carding through your hair and a pair of lips pressing against your cheek. 

Bokuto’s home, you realise with a start, and there’s drool on your chin. Face burning with embarrassment, you hastily wipe it away with the back of your palm and try to sit up, only for Bokuto’s hand to wrap around your wrist, halting you in your tracks.

“No, don’t get up, baby,” he says, easing down onto the couch beside you and shifting your head onto his lap so he can continue threading his fingers through your hair. “I like coming home to this.”

Still half asleep, curling up and nuzzling further into those warm, thick thighs of his, you miss the intensity of the adoration burning in golden depths as he coaxes you back to sleep.

—

The two of you are in bed, your cheek resting on his chest, his arm slung over your waist and knuckles brushing idly along your side, when Bokuto breaks the comfortable silence. 

“Move in with me.”

You tense in his arms, heart skipping a beat. For a split second, you’re almost positive that you misheard him. “I-I’m sorry?” You push yourself up onto your elbow, turning your head so that you can look at him properly.

But Bokuto doesn’t miss a beat. “Move in with me,” he repeats, golden eyes bearing down on you.

The expression on your face is frozen halfway between disbelief and hysteria, and you’re staring at him, waiting for that stupid grin to break across his face, for him to laugh and tell you how ridiculous you look, because of course he’s joking.

He’s joking, right?

“Koutarou,” you begin slowly, “Wha- I don’t… Why would you want me to move in with you? We barely- I mean, we’re not…” 

He shrugs his shoulders, “Why wouldn’t I? It makes sense. My place is bigger and nicer, and I like having you here with me. Feels right.”

It feels right??

“I-I can’t just move out of my apartment, Kou.”

His eyebrows knit together, and he huffs, “Why not? It’s a shitty apartment.”

“That’s not the point!” Knocking away the hand that reaches for you, you push yourself all the way up until you’re sitting properly. “I don’t want to move.” 

Owlish eyes narrow, a flash of irritation sparking. “Why not? It makes perfect sense for you to move in here with me. You wouldn’t have to work at that stupid job anymore for one,” he huffs. 

“Bokuto, I’m not going to quit my job,” you mutter. “We’ve talked about this.”

“Why, though?!” he explodes. “You don’t need the money, I’ve told you I can take care of you, whatever you want, baby, name it and it’s fucking yours. You don’t need to work and you don’t need that shitty little apartment!”

Like a crystal glass slipping from numb fingers, the fantasy you’ve convinced yourself you’ve been living shatters into a thousand jagged shards in the space of a single breath.

Oh, how naive you’ve been. How fucking stupid.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you inhale deeply, “Kou, that’s not-”

Strong fingers grip your jaw, and your eyes shoot open as he tugs your face back towards him. Your breath catches in your throat, heart hammering painfully against your ribs. His eyes are wide, pupils blown out, but it’s the intensity in his gaze as he stares at you, the blank expression-

“I love you.”

—

39 missed calls. 72 unread messages. 

Flowers, bouquets of roses, peonies and chrysanthemums piled up by your door between boxes of chocolates and other gifts you won’t bring yourself to open. 

Wide eyed, Misuzu gingerly steps over them, holding two steaming mugs in hand. “Holy fuck,” she murmurs, and for the first time since this stupid, awful mistake began, there’s not a trace of mirth to be found. “Y/N, I…”

But she doesn’t have the words, and you can’t blame her. 

“He told me he loves me,” you sigh. “He asked me to move in with him and told me he loved me, and I grabbed my clothes and all but ran.” You still can’t get the image of Bokuto’s face out of your head, the raw, aching hurt swimming in his eyes as you all but stumbled over excuses in your haste to get out of there. But he didn’t lift a finger to stop you, didn’t say another word.

He just watched numbly, hunched over against the headboard as you fled.

There’s a short beat of silence between the two of you as she sets down the drinks and collapses into the chair beside you. “And… do you love him back?” 

Exhaling loudly, you drop your face into your palms. “I-”

You like how he makes you feel beautiful, the filthy, wonderful praise he lavishes you in when the two of you sleep together, the way he touches you, fingers and mouth so eager to please as his cock fills you, inch by delicious inch.

You like being adored, treasured, and you liked Bo, but… you don’t love him.

That was never on the cards, that wasn’t what your relationship was.

Every line he ever crossed, every boundary he toed, you keep replaying them again and again over and over in your head like a never ending loop. You hadn’t even wanted this whole stupid sugar baby relationship to begin with, and every step of the way he was the one to coax you forward.

And you let him, swallowing down your doubts and your insecurities each and every time. You let him think that this was something else entirely… 

How had you not seen this coming?

“No,” you admit.

The hand that takes yours is soft, and when you glance over with eyes beginning to burn with unshed tears, Misuzu squeezes it gently. “Then end it. Walk away.”

And with your head on her shoulder, her arms wrapped loosely around you, you type out a short message to Bokuto. No strings attached and no questions asked, you’d promised each other that much when you’d started this mess. You wonder if it still holds true. 

I’m sorry. Clearly we were on different pages and want different things. I didn’t mean to lead you on or for things to go as far as they did, but I can’t do this with you anymore. 

You send it and block his contact, and when the tears come and painful sobs rip their way free, Misuzu holds you tight and murmurs soft reassurances. It’ll pass, all breakups hurt.

—

A week after your ‘breakup’ you get a notification on your phone that money’s been transferred into your bank account. 

For a moment, you think that maybe it’s an accident, a recurring transaction he’d simply forgotten to cancel (you doubt he’d even notice) until you click into the transaction itself.

It isn’t the sum itself that startles you - twice the usual amount - but the short note attached in the description.

I need to see you. Please.

You transfer the money right back into his account.

—

Without your weekly supplement from Bo, it doesn’t take long for you to come to the realisation that your current salary just barely covers rent and your bills, and if you want to eat anything other than two minute noodles in the foreseeable future, you’re going to need either more hours, or a second job. 

Thankfully, the timing works out well. When you go to your boss with your most winning smile to try and convince her of your plight, she simply shrugs and agrees, having had to let one of the junior staff go only a few days before. The one catch being that instead of working a mix of morning and afternoon shifts with the occasional closing thrown in, you’re now exclusively on close, five nights a week, Tuesday through Saturday.

Mostly, it doesn’t bother you. The shifts are long and you always leave feeling aching, drained and barely human, but usually it’s quiet enough, and so long as you can get the last few lingering customers out early enough, the actual close runs pretty smoothly between you and the other staff. 

It’s not what you really want to be doing, but you’ve learned to make the best of it. This is adult life, and for the first time since high school, you’re supporting yourself entirely. It might not be the greatest job in the world, and there are absolutely days when you just want to throw in the towel completely, but there is a slight pride to that fact. You don’t need anybody in your life to coddle or support you, you’re figuring this shit out as you go along.

You just wish, sometimes, that you could do that without having to work until the early hours of the morning.

On paper, the kitchen closes at midnight and the last customers are supposed to be out within half an hour of that. Then, between yourself and another server, you can usually get the restaurant tidied up and closed a little after one. 

You knew right from the moment you clocked on that tonight wasn’t going to be one of those nights. The girl who’s supposed to be on close with you called in sick and your boss hasn’t bothered to replace her.

It’s not the first time you’ve had to close by yourself, but it’s still a pain, especially when the last few customers take forever to finish up and leave. 

One of the kitchen staff offers to stay back, his bag slung over his shoulder, hand already on the door handle but you just shake your head with a tired smile. 

“Nah, I can handle it. Thanks, though,”

To his credit, he doesn’t immediately take the offered out. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. See you tomorrow.”

Without any help, it takes almost twice as long for you to finish up, and it’s a little after two when you finally flick off the lights and lock the doors.

Your feet are killing you, and all you can think about is sinking into your bed at home, burrowing into your blankets and sleeping for a week straight-

“Hey, baby.” 

Leaning against the hood of his car, arms folded across his broad chest and eyeing you with an unreadable expression, is Bokuto. 

The tiny hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. 

There's nothing inherently threatening about him being here, but it’s the middle of the night, you haven’t seen him in almost two weeks and you don’t need to glance around to know that the car park’s empty. There’s nobody in sight.

Just you and him, and the few feet of distance separating you. 

“K-kou, what are you… what are you doing here?” 

He smiles at that, the way his name slips from your lips, but only for a fleeting second. It fades, and a cold, uncomfortable feeling settles in the pit of your stomach. 

“I missed you, y’know?” He pushes off the hood and takes a step towards you, “You didn’t call me.”

He’s always been bigger than you, towering over you looking like some Adonis with those rippling, powerful muscles of his. You used to like that strength, squealing in wicked delight when he’d hoist you up with a grin, hands gripping your thighs, squeezing your ass, your back shoved up against the wall so he could drive his cock deeper into ‘his pretty fuckin’ pussy’. 

But that was then. 

You’ve never been scared of his strength. Even that morning in the apartment, he didn’t lash out, didn’t scream or yell, he just… shut down. He wouldn’t hurt you, you know that.

That doesn’t stop you from skittering backwards like a frightened little bunny, your back hitting the wall.

The very moment you do, you watch as his eyes widen in surprise, hurt flashing for a split second-

-before they darken, his face twisting into a scowl, and you can’t escape the feeling you’ve made an awful mistake. 

Dread creeps its way up your spine, tightening like a vice around your chest, making it hard to breathe. Your brain is screaming at you to run, adrenaline surging through your veins, but even as your heart races and your breathing spikes, you can’t seem to move your legs.

It wouldn’t make a difference even if you could - with your back up against the literal wall, Bokuto and his car blocking your only escape route, you’re trapped; a fact that hasn’t escaped either of you.

Paralysed in fear, you can’t so much as twitch as he takes another slow, calculated step forward.

Desperately, you open your mouth - to try and placate him? To apologise? Scream for help? - but all that escapes is his name in a choked, breathless whisper. 

“Bokuto…”

As he stares at you, he almost looks regretful.

Almost, if not for the grim determination resolving like steel in those golden eyes of his. “I love you, and I know you love me, too,” he says, closing the gap between you. “I’m doing this for us, baby.”

[that-one-weeb-but-starwars]

Must be this tall to Hunt| Boba Fett (tcw age so like 13/14)

Couldnt find a good teen boba gif, so heres bosk instead

Warnings: fake blame,

Reader: female

"You are expelled from the order-"

"What!?" Y/n shouted looking up at the council, "I did nothing! Master Plo! Reason with them!"

"I am sorry little one, I-"

Y/n was heart broken, looking up at the surrounding Jedi, this couldn't be true.

"Master Obi-Wan!" Y/n pleaded.

"Your attachments grow," Windu spoke, "and with them your anger."

"My anger?! My anger?!" Y/n shouted at him.

"Little one please." Plo pleaded, "I have brought a witness."

"You!?" Y/n argued, "Master I demand an answer! Why! Why would you- You out of all People!-"

She watched Anakin walk in guilt ridden on his face, "You!? Anakin! You!?"

He kept quiet as Fives walked in, her world stopping.

"Y-Your lieing!" She shouted, "Fives?! Not you! I trust you and you do this!?"

"Arc Trooper Fives." Windu spoke, " what have you seen Padawan Y/n do?"

Fives looked at her, "I. Saw Genral Y/n with a clone trooper,"

"Im with troopers everyday!" Y/n defended.

"What was Padawan Y/n doing with this clone trooper."

"...intercourse sir." Fives responded.

"Thats Obsurded Fives! And you know it!" Y/n argued, "You're my brothers- Why in gods name would I fuck any of you!"

"Y/n! That is enough!" Plo argued.

"You believe this crap!? You're suppose to have MY back!" Y/n demanded, "I'd have your back no matter what! And you turn on me!"

"Are there any other witnesses?" Fisto spoke.

"Yes." Windu spoke, "bring them in."

Y/n watched, her brothers, the wolf pack, Commandos and even some from the Corosaunt Gaurd walk in, and they strung there string of lies and they strung them high and low, entagled the lies beyond untanglement.

"Padawan L/n is to be expelled from the Order and that is our final verdict."

The platform she was on went downward, the clone troopers who had made there testimonies were gathered at the bottom, a path for her to go through.

"Y/n-" Wolfee spoke reaching out a hand.

"Don't you dare touch me!" She shouted in anger pushing past the clones.

"It had to be done." Commander Thron spoke quietly.

The others nodded.

"Damn it!" Fives shouted running out the room and rushing down the halls, after the light echoing of Y/n's angered footsteps.

She pushed the doors open and just walking out them she stopped, hearing Five's steps behind her.

"General. It had to be done-"

"What!? The lies! The string of lies you built! Why!? Why would you do this to me?!" Y/n argued looking back at the clone.

"We wanted to protect you-"

"Bullshit Fives! Bullshit! I love all of you! All of you!" Y/n shouted, screaming so loud it was sure to be heard all the way down to the lower level.

"Y/n listen!-' he grabbed her shoulders trying to plead with her but she pushed him away ingiting one side of her double sided saber as Fives quickly backed up.

"Touch me again and I'll kill you." She spoke.

"I don't even deserve death. I know- I-" Fives tried to explained, "We wanted to protect you-"

"Then you should of had my back!"

The bright blade turned off and she turned around leaving without a second thought.

"Hey! Wake up!" Boba argued.

Y/n turned her self around as she opened her eyes, "what do you want Fett."

"Rations idiot." He spoke as Y/n sat up, the girl only a year older than Bobba.

She was thrown a rations bar by the boy as they were in a hotel room, she had been sleeping on the couch.

"How much longer we waitin?" She asked taking a crunch out of the bar.

"An hour, I told you that the how much longer last time you woke up." He argued looking through the window.

Y/n kept quiet as she ate her food, it bland and bleak in both tast and color.

Bobba took an arm chair by the window as he ate his own rations. It was silent for a long mintue.

"Did. You have that nightmare again?" He asked.

Y/n looked over at him, "when do I not?"

Boba ate a peice of his own ration bar, he never knew what the nightmare was about, but knew it was the same one, on repeat.

He had the same.

"You, uh. Wanna talk about it?"

She looked his way, then looked away quickly, only able to see the faces of her brothers.

"No." She replied coldy tossing the barely eaten ration bar on the table, her appetite gone, "I'm gonna go scope the roof, don't wait up for me."

She walked towards the door, grabbing the sniper on the way out.

"I'll come with you. Incase someone tries to get you from behind."

"I don't need someone to have my back." Y/n argued.

"Well then Im coming because I want to!"

He pushed past Y/n as she scoffed, following him close behind as they walked towards the steps, somewhere along the way Y/n hacked into a vending Machine, Boba going up the stairs himself, stealing whatever she pleased putting it in her sling bag, enough for her only.

"Sharing is what?" Y/n questioned Woflee

"An opportunity for someoen to get there arm chopped off, it's my food." Wolfee told her.

Y/n sighed, how she hated her own little life lessons to her brothers, and stole more food, enough for both Boba and her, and a little extra.

Walking up the rest of the steps she made it to the door she kicked open with the bottom of her foot.

"Could you try and be quiet?" He seethed.

"I mean. I could. But no." Y/n responded walking towards the edge where Boba sat on a near by utiliy unit.

She sat down setting her back infront of her as she laid herself on her side her back to Boba the lights of the bright city below barely reaching the top of the tall hotel they sat on.

"You want one?"

Boba looked over seeing Y/n holding up a soda.

"Where did you get that?"

"Stole it."

Rolling his eyes he walked over to her snatching the bottle and sitting himself by her head.

"Hey hey. Fives calm your tits." Y/n laughed.

Boba stayed silent as he looked at her, she too busy looking out and onward, but feeling the stare she looked besides her.

"Oh." Y/n realized, "My bad Fett."

Boba stayed silent, as Y/n took a drink of her own soda, he had realized she had become more sympathetic with her apology.

"You wanna talk about it now?" Boba questioned.

Y/n sighed, answering in silence for a mintue, "My only family betrayed me. Strung a String of lies to supposedly keep me safe. I think about it all the time. We use to find these abaonded places and sit up on the roofs like this, we'd sing, start a bonfire, get drunk."

"Your as old as me." Fett argued.

Y/n shrugged, "war does that, you only live once Fett."

"Then why are you still worrying about it?" Boba defended.

"Why do you still worry about the things you worry about?" Y/n questioned, "but I was kicked out of my group, my name stripped of me, and instead of having my back, they had me cast out. Happy Now?"

It was silent again, the hearing of honking and swearving down below could be heard.

"I lost my dad to the Jedi."

Y/n stopped mid way lifting her drink to her lips but then contuined to drink then pull away.

"They tend to do that..." Y/n responded, "they expect you to follow every rule every word, there no better than the sith."

"You know alot of jedi and sith."

Y/n looked at him once, "It was when you father died did I stop really believing in the Jedi-"

"You knew my father?! You're a jedi-"

"Shut your trap and listen before you get rowdy you damn idiot!' Y/n argued Boba gritting his teeth, "I met Jango Fett when I went on a small assignment, my first one, with Master Shakk Ti- it was basically playing paper boy. I remember delivering work to your father...alot of people were mean to me, he. He never was, always said thank you, always asked me if I had eaten. He even watched me leave on the ship back to Master Plo Koon. So when I went througy reports and found him dead I was in shock, later to find out a Jedi did it. I started to loose faith. Why kill a man lookin out for him and his child, sure capture him- but taking family...I know how that feels and no one should go through it."

Y/n took a drink finishing her bottle and tossing it over edge, "so. I fought. And I fought and I fought. If i couldnt save Jango, I'd save what was left of him- the clones- my brothers. They share the same face but are diffrent than any could imagine. I spoke, I wrote, I pleaded, I trainned. It never was enough, and it was my 'emotion' that got the better of me. Pssh. Yeah right the Jedi can piss off because if they want to see emotion? I'll give it to them."

Boba listened, he had nevee seen Y/n before hand, maybe he had and just didnt remember, he never knew someone could share his pain. Neverless with the same person.

"Windu will pay." Boba seethed, "and your a jedi! You can help me."

"I will go head to head to him, I don't plant bombs." Y/n defended.

"We can take him! Two on one!" Boba tried to persuade, "you know his fighting style! I know guns! You know sabers! We take his head and anyone else that stands in our way!"

Y/n looked at him dully.

"Come on! How many bounty hunters have you single handedly taken on! And killed! How many sith have you injured! Jedi that chase after us! Without your laser swords! We can kill him! Together!" Boba explained standing up, Y/n move to sit up, "We're the left behind! We are the strongest! Because we were left behind! We round up a few others! Bane! Sing! Bosk! And there's always someone paying for a Jedi's head!"

Y/n stood up grabbing hee sniper rifle as she did and looked at her watch.

"It can be a sniper shot! A saber battle! Whatever you want! As long as he die and Im involed I don't care how!" Bobba argued.

Y/n looked down below aiming her sniper adjusting the scope.

"My father would do the same for you-"

He was cut off by a bullet shot and soon the sounds of crying folks who see a man just drop dead on the street, the target they had been waiting for dead. She pulled away from her weapon slowly, turning her head towards him.

"I'll do it.-" Y/n agreed

"No." Boba spoke, "We'll do it. Together. For everything the jedi took from us!"

Y/n looked at the outreached hand as she took it.

"Together."

"As One Unit."

"As One Unit." Y/n responded, "well one and a half"

"Im not that short." Boba argued.

"Shorter than me." Y/n chuckled.

[nnightskiess]

₊° 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐧 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐨𝐧 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

₊° 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥

₊° 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲/𝐧 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐚𝐝𝐦𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟. 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐡��𝐨𝐤 𝐮𝐩, 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐲/𝐧 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐦𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐮𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝. 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐭?

Y/N rolled off of Fallon, sat up and held the thin satin bedsheets up to her chest. They sat in silence for a couple seconds, both women trying to catch their breath. Fallon closed her eyes, the places where Y/N had touched her were still tingling— from her jaw, arms, hips to Y/N’s most favourite place, in between her thighs. 

Fallon had hoped to linger a bit longer in her dream like state, but the sound of bedsheets moving blew away the cloud she was on.

“Where are you going?” 

“Not everyone was born into a billionaire family, I’ve gotta go to work.”

Fallon rolled her eyes playfully, but felt also partially pissed off. She propped herself up on her elbows and watched the woman graciously dress herself. There was no rush or walk of shame since this was a usual thing for the two of them. Just to release stress, just to be intimate with someone while both of them were single, nothing serious. Sure, they were attracted to each other in a sexual way but that was all it ever would be. No strings attached, as they had both promised each other. Fallon wasn’t interested in another relationship and Y/N didn’t seem the type for it either way. 

But lately, Fallon had felt out of control. She blamed it on the situation with her father but knew far too well that it was something rooted deeper, something personal. She had also started to feel different about their time together. The sex was mind-blowing, Fallon wasn’t complaining about that, but her night somehow always felt ruined afterwards. The aching in between her legs no longer was a reminder of a great time, it was a reminder that that was all it was ever going to be. The sex was the only source of satisfaction, but it didn’t last anyway. Because just like now, all memories were being washed away as she watched the woman leave with a cheeky smile on her face. Still, there was no way that Y/N was the problem behind her issues. No. She was just something on the side, how could she ever be the main thing on her mind?

Even after Y/N hadn’t texted or called her for a month, and all Fallon could think about was her, she still pushed the thought to the back of her head and managed to lie to herself that the problem wasn’t Y/N.

Fallon needed to de-stress and since there was no way she’d be vulnerable and text Y/N first, she found herself with a drink in hand, sitting on one of the barstools at Club Colby. She had seen Y/N walk in and had watched her like a hawk. The girl seemed to be talking with friends, no way was Fallon going to join them. Yuck. 

“Tough break up?” 

The bartender had noticed it too and glanced between her and Y/N. Fallon scoffed and her lip curled into a sneer. She grabbed her glass and walked to the other side of the bar. Her emerald glittery dress, silver heels and her bouncy brown locks caught Y/N’s attention. Fallon seemed to notice too and her sneer immediately turned into a smirk. Y/N nodded her head in acknowledgement and sent her a smile but Fallon was still pissed for being kept in the dark for all those weeks like she was some casual hook-up...well... she was, but still. 

She quirked an eyebrow, challenging Y/N on what to do next, but a tanned brunette suddenly blocked their eye-contact. She greeted the group of friends, gave Y/N  a quick hug and then, without giving Y/N a second to realise what was going to happen, she grabbed the girl’s neck and started making out with her. Fallon gripped onto her glass in anger, watching Y/N trace the tattoo on the girl’s arm and watched in disgust when they let go of each other and then  laughed like some lovey-dovey couple. The brunette hid her face in the crook of Y/N’s neck, giggled and then planted a kiss exactly where Fallon knew she liked it. Fallon furrowed her eyebrows, almost feeling Y/N’s touch on her too when she saw her trace patterns on the girl’s arm.

Fallon downed her drink and slammed it onto the glass table. A few people turned their heads but apparently it hadn’t been loud enough to shake Y/N out of her bubble. 

The last straw was when the brunette grabbed Y/N’s hand, leading her outside. 

Oh no, no, no— not on her watch.

“Hey!”

Fallon’s yell made the pair stop, the brunette looked confused but Y/N had recognised her voice. Fallon crossed her arms and tilted her head, an eyebrow raised at the two women in front of her. The brunette was beautiful. Her natural tanned skin brought out the glitter in her light green eyes. The slight curls in her hair complemented her face and the tattoo and nose ring made her look even more ethereal— like some warrior princess. 

Fallon didn’t falter and pointed between the two, 

“Sorry, what is this?!” She sent daggers to the brunette and didn’t soften her expression when her eyes met Y/N, she was just as much in the wrong, maybe even more, since the girl couldn’t have known about her and Fallon— but Y/N did.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Don’t play dumb-”

Fallon’s nostrils flared when the brunette cut her off. 

“You said you were single?” She shot a sad, hurtful look Y/N’s way, who immediately raised her eyebrows.

“I am! I mean- I was.” 

Fallon didn’t miss the way their hands were intertwined and how they looked at each other after the reminder of their fresh relationship. Fallon’s heart sank in her stomach and she froze up. It suddenly became very clear to her why she had felt so off lately. But after this clear loss, she couldn’t let Y/N know that her heart had just broken into pieces. She was Fallon Carrington, after all. She was indestructible. 

“So it’s that easy?” 

“What is?”

Fallon’s sneer reappeared, “Think you can discard me like that?” She snapped her finger, “Well, guess again, you’re mine, remember?”

“Let me hit you with the blunt instrument of reality— we never dated, Fallon! We were never a thing! You know that! You can’t treat me like I’m your damn property! You don’t have a leg to stand on in this argument.” Y/N stood her ground.

The statement hurt her more than she wanted to. She suddenly felt like one of her expensive dresses, the ones she fell in love with and thus immediately bought, wore once and then kept hanging in the closet to never be worn again. With a new-found confidence, fuelled by the anger towards both women in front of her, she opened her mouth,

“So what was it then that made you lose interest? Should I have given you a cheque every time you came over? Pay you for your services like some whore? Was that it?”

Fallon realised how messed up it sounded the moment the words left her mouth. Nonetheless, she laced her expression with as much venom as she could muster. Y/N however, seemed to stay rather calm under her hard glance, even though Fallon’s words stung her like a whip.

“Money doesn’t mean a thing to me. But of course you wouldn’t know, since you expect to bribe people with it for your own needs, you damn Carringtons.” She spat out her last name, making Fallon flinch. 

“Go fuck yourself.” 

Y/N spat out, knowing how ironic that must’ve sounded now that Fallon no longer had her fuck buddy around.

Fallon watch Y/N tug her new girlfriend out of the club. 

Well, here’s to another thing she fucked up.

[theloveclub-18]

She’s just a friend

summary: you and Ransom decided to try that friends with benefits thing

pairing: Ransom Drysdale x reader

word count: 1947

warnings: explicit language, mentions of sex, but no actual smut, little angst

A/n: please do not copy, rewrite, translate or post my work anywhere. No permission given to copy, translate, rewrite or post my work. 

———————————————————————

It was 3:15 a.m. when you opened your eyes. Ransom was lying next to you with his arm around you waist. You took a deep breath and tried to put out of his embrace, but he only held you closer. You should’ve not stay through the night and leave by the end of your fourth and last round.

Yeah, sex with Hugh Ransom was good, even more it was absolutely fantastic. You always thought about how maybe he ruined you for other partners. This man was so ridiculously good in it. What you also thought about was how maybe you should’ve known better and never agree for that friends with benefits thing. In your defense you really needed an emotional discharging and he’s always lookin’ so fucking sexy, so you just gave up, when he so casually asked you about it after a couple glasses of whiskey few months ago.

But now god knows how much you regret it because you fell and fell hard for that “asshole”. Well, actually he’s not that bad it’s more about how he wants other to see him. And they do. They all believe in it, his image of arrogant cold hearted jerk. Ransom is a jerk in fact, but sometimes you see things that others don’t. You see a broken boy who tries to cover his vulnerabilities by venom observations and jackass demeanor.

Of course you tried to talk to him about it, talk about what he went through, but it usually never worked out. Though one time after another family event you saw something in his eyes, a speck of sorrow and you let yourself to hope that this is the moment when he’d finally open up. It also was the moment when you knew how much you loved him.

But as soon as this thought slipped through your head, Ransom changed in face, as if he read your mind and he didn’t like what he saw. He stand out from the nice and warm bed and headed for the kitchen saying you should probably go home. He didn’t come back to the bedroom and soon you left his apartment with tears on your face.

You had nothing to blame him for. It was pretty clear from the start that he didn’t want anything serious from you or from anyone else. Ransom said he didn’t believe in such things like love and relationships but good fuck was something he believed very much.

So were you. At least for the first couple of months.

But then you did the stupidest thing you could ever do...you let yourself hope for more. You’ve started to notice his lovely glances from across the room and the way he always try to hold you whenever other guys where approaching you like he was marking you as his. How he was laughing at your stupid jokes and watched your favorite sitcoms with you.

It was three weeks later when you came to the local bar with your coworkers to relax on friday night after a hard week and spotted him flirting with some pretty girl at the table. You remembered her, she was the girl who takes care of his grandfather. Ransom was in white sweater that you gave him this christmas and the girl in cute little dress, well, she was really gorgeous one with big puppy eyes and the sweetest smile you’ve ever seen. You knew you can’t compete.

He didn’t even notice you there and even if he did what’s the matter. He’d probably just say hello and walk away. You tried to calm yourself down and stop being so jealous, because you have no rights for it, but still it was breaking your heart.

The next day when you came to his apartment to take some of your things, you heard something you wish you’d never heard.Ransom was talking on phone when you walked in.

-“Yeah, man, you know she’s just a friend to me...yeah, I know-I know but hey you know i’ll never settle down for anyone...ahahahah...yes, even for Megan Fox”-Ransom laughed and you left as fast as you can.

And you were just a friend indeed and nothing more. You felt like you was the biggest fool on earth for believing that you really had a chance with someone like him.

You crying all way home and when you finally get there, you thought about how you going to end everything with goddamn Ransom, because of how much pain it caused you too be so close with him yet so far.

However now you laying in bed with the same man that you promised you’d never sleep again with, while he’s holding you close to his chest. Yeah, sometimes things doesn’t work the way you want them to.

You look at his peaceful beautiful face and wonder how would it feel to be loved by this man. To spend your life by his side.

“Well”- you think to yourself - “I guess we’ll never know”. And with that you slowly remove the blanket and get up from the bed careful enough to not wake Ransom up.

You stand a little bit too long in front of the front door and hesitate to leave, cause you know that this was probably the last night with him. When you get in the car you finally feel how hot your tears are and how heavy is this weight of unrequited love on your chest.

~

Days go by and you slowly started to live without him. You told your roommate Sarah never let him in again and blocked his number. You thought that maybe you doing something wrong and maybe you should’ve been happy with what you had. But then again you remembered that you’d never be more than a fuck buddy to him and he made himself pretty clear saying this to some of his friends just a couple of days ago.

“It’s time to move on”-you were thinking as you walked into some fancy restaurant for set up date that was arranged by Sarah. She said he’s very sweet and a doctor, so why don’t try it? Maybe this guy Mark is all you’ve dreamed for?

The guy is the complete opposite of Ransom. He’s not that tall, but very nice and lovely. He also have a pretty blonde curls and dark brown eyes that mean nothing to you, cause they’re not as deep as Ransom’s. You really try to enjoy the date, but all you can think about is how the man in front of you is not Ransom.

-“So what’s the guy’s name?”-Mark said.

-“What do you mean?”-you said with confused look-“What guy?”

-“The one you want to see on this chair instead of me”- he said with weak smile and understanding look- “Sarah told me about you wanting to move on and forget about «the jerk», but now i see you everything but ready to move on, so please tell me about it and maybe i’ll can help”

You gasped and thought about how your friend didn’t lie about Mark being kind and maybe a little too much kind to you.

-“Listen, I don’t think it’s a good idea to discuss it right know, cause...”- you started, but get interrupted by Mark.

-“No, Y/N, I obviously can see that you not mentally here right now and that’s okay, it took me a long time to recover from my previous relationship too so i don’t wanna push you into something, you know. We can just have dinner like a good old friends and talk about our ex’s”-he smiled-“So feel free to start”

-“Okay”-you said still trying to proceed what he just said-“Well, i don’t wanna say his name and he wasn’t even my boyfriend. We just had sex with no strings attached”

-“But you get attached?”-he asked with a sad smile.

-“Yeah, and now i’m fucked”-you replied.

-“What did he say ‘bout your feelings?”-Mark asked as he sipped his wine.

-“Oh, no. I didn’t tell him about my feelings”-you said with sad eyes and tired smile-“I didn’t lost my mind completely to say to Ransom Drysdale that i love him with my whole heart and probably will never be able to not”

-“You love me?”-you heard a familiar voice behind you back and wished you could’ve just disappear.

-“I think I should go”-Mark said and hurried for the exit with a small smirk.

When you turn around you saw Ransom.

He looked worse than the last time you saw him. He looked tired and his beautiful blue eyes were full of so many things, that it confused you so much that you didn't know what to say.

-”Please, Y/N, tell me”-he said-“You love me?”-he looked so broken inside and desperate for my answer.

-“I...”-you hesitated for moment, but then decided to risk it all-“Of course i love you, Ransom, how can i not?”

-“Then why you left me?”-he said with pain in his eyes-“Left me in a middle of the night? Left me when i thought you are the one who’ll never do that.”

-“Because you didn’t”-you said with a small whimper feeling the weight on your chest again-“You didn’t loved me”

-“I did”- he said and finally you saw how red his eyes were-“And i do now”

-“Then why you didn’t tell me that? How was i supposed to know that when you started to close off every time i tried to bring something about feelings up?”-you said with a bitter feeling on you tongue.

“It was hard for me, okay? I’ve never told this to anyone before”-he said as his cheeks grew red-“Even to my mom when i was a child. I didn’t have a family when you can easily say such words”-Ransom took a deep breath before he could continue-“And then i met you and i liked you obviously. You became the light of my life. All those years I was living in a blur and never truly seeing things the way they where. I was a fool, because every time i was so afraid to ruin what we had, i wasn’t sure that you could ever feel the same. Y/N, i’m not a good guy and i’ve done a lot of bad things, but you were the only right thing in my life and i was afraid to admit it..”

You didn’t let him finish as you land your lips over his in a most gentle kiss you’ve ever had. You felt him smiling through the kiss as he was grabbing you closer and pulling you into another and more intimate kiss.

-“Is that mean i have a second chance?”-he said with a hopeful smile between the kisses.

-“No”-you said furrowing your brows only to meet his confused gaze-“Just kidding, of course you have, i don’t wanna lose you again”-you chuckled as you put your arms on his chest and looked into his ocean eyes, thinking that maybe you are the lucky one and you will be able to find out what it is like to be loved by Ransom Drysdale.

[anika-ann]

Attached: Words Lost in Translation Pt.3

Type: (mini)-series,  Modern-college-professor AU… aka the wrong attachment AU ;)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader   Word count: 5910

Summary: Steve is most definitely not impressed with what happened and had been happening in the class... the question is: what does it mean for you?

A/N: Attached: Words Lost in Translation is a 3-part addition to the Attached series.

A/N: for @donutloverxo, because she mentioned a request which I couldn’t fulfil (because I’m really bad at those)… so I hope this makes up for it :-* (Even if it’s nowhere close to the good stuff you and others produce) Happy kinktober and early happy birthday, sweet! ♥

Warnings: 18+, nsfw, 3.5k worth of smut, fingering, PIV, possessive Steve, (in)appropriate use of a mirror, cumplay (if you squint), feelings… and swearing (always)

Story masterlist

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‘Let’s get out of this damn room before I lose my mind and do something I’ll regret later,’ he had said and the words echoed in your ears whenever you found the courage to glance at his profile, the city a blur behind the window.

He didn’t say nothing more – and neither did you.

The whole ride back to the apartment was scarily silent. In the long months you had been with Steve – the amazing, sweet months with only few bumps on the road – you had never seen his face so emotionless. So unreadable.

His fingers were gripping the wheel with enough vigour to turn his knuckles white, shoulders squared and tense, breathing clearly too deep for you to believe he was alright.

The big question was whether he was more upset or angry.

You couldn’t decide which would be worse – but you didn’t dare to ask which one it was anyway, even if all you wanted was to do exactly that.

Or perhaps you’d be keen on just begging, anything to fill the silence. Please, don’t be mad at me. I can explain, you yearned to say, but you couldn’t make yourself to reach out when Steve was driving, worried you’d break his concentration.

So you accepted the silence as a punishment, your hands clenching and unclenching in a desperate need to do something with yourself besides either talking or impatiently tapping your foot.

Rationally, you knew you had a perfectly good explanation for why you had acted the way you had with Daniel and you knew you had acted according to your best conscience, because you hadn’t really had a choice. But not telling Steve was another matter entirely, no matter your good intentions.

There was a saying about good intentions after all, wasn’t there? The road to hell…

The pair of you entered the apartment and lost your shoes still without uttering a word – but you counted the fact that Steve took your heavy backpack for you when leaving the car as a good sign.

He walked to the bedroom, shrugging off his suit jacket and discarding it carelessly on his way. Seeing his back, cladded a cream shirt, receding and leaving you standing in the narrow hallway, the lump forming in your throat for the past half an hour grew suffocating.

You were this close to losing it, an uncomfortable tug pulling at your stomach, bile rising to your mouth.

Tears burned in your eyes, but you blinked them away with a sigh as you made your way to the kitchen to grab a drink – possibly something stronger than water.

“Come here, babygirl,” sounded lowly but resolutely from the bedroom, causing you to freeze mid-step, your heart skipping a one painful beat before kicking in with a furious pace.

At the same time, a terrible weight went plummeting from your chest, finally allowing you to breathe in freely.

At least Steve was saying something, adding a petname no less, so hopefully, the crisis was averted – or at least wasn’t as disastrous as it had seemed.

Not intending to let him wait even a second longer than necessary, you followed his footsteps instead, finding him seated on the foot of the bed. He looked up at you as you wavered in the doorway, his eyes a silent plea – or an order, you couldn’t seem to decide – for you to come closer.

Other than from his eyes, always so expressive, you couldn’t read a single emotion on his face; you figured that hearing out his request was the simplest way to learn where his head was at. You took the last reluctant steps, finding yourself standing between his legs, his gaze trailing up to your face.

His broad palms went to rest at your hips, thumbs caressing above the top of your skirt and you shivered, his touch and the intense unreadable gaze making your head spin and yet causing the wheels in your head turn madly in attempt to figure out what was about to happen.

So far, it seemed like a calm before the storm; however, you could already feel the electricity of lightning crackle in the air, a presage of great force brewing, preparing to strike.

Maintaining eye-contact, bright blue irises darkening in front of you in a hypnotic show, Steve pressed a light kiss to your abdomen. Your breath hitched in your throat, unlike the strangled startled sound that somehow found its way out.

What was he doing? Why was he looking at you like that? Why did it seem that he was about to worship every damn part of your body instead of being mad at you? …or disappointed or upset with you, anything dammit-

“S-Steve,” you stuttered, just a breath of his name and his mouth brushed your clothed stomach again, fingers pressing once against your hipbones before relaxing again.

His presence was immense – you might have been the one standing, towering above him, but Steve was the one who was pulling the strings, igniting fire in your belly just by barely-there touches and by his eyes never leaving yours… until now.

“Sh-shh,” he whispered, gaze intent as it skimmed all over your figure, his tongue darting out to lick at his lips, hungry eyes as if seeing you for the first time.

Your heart nearly gave out at the would-be soothing sound, reminding you of times when he drove you crazy enough to scream his name, his soothing ‘shh’ echoing in your ears. The shushing however did erase your previous worrying, pushing it away as dampness already started pooling in your panties instead. Whatever was happening now, it wasn’t a fight for certain.

You wanted to run your fingers through Steve’s hair, to do something with your hands rather than having them hanging uselessly by your sides, but his actions not only rendered you speechless, but were effectively turning your whole brain to mush. You couldn’t make yourself move an inch.

“Good girl. I’ll do the talking… god, look at you,” he whispered, his hands moving to your ass, warm palms sprawled over your cheeks, greedy, appreciative. “Look at this…” He squeezed and the only thing you could do was to focus on the room so it would stop spinning as your breathing picked up.

Hyperaware of his hands trailing down your legs, a shudder of anticipation tickled your spine, heating up when Steve dropped a kiss to the front of your thighs, a light touch as if burning a brand.

“And this…”

You yelped when his grip tightened and he spun you around, suddenly making you all too mindful of the fact that you could face a mirror like this; you hadn’t even thought of that when you bought the closet together, simply following the need for more storage compartment, the reflective surface only a bonus, as you had moved in.

Now, the mirror was all you could think of and you couldn’t but watch Steve’s fingers disappear under the hem of your skirt, stroking the skin just above your knees.

“So beautiful, such a pretty girl…” he mused, pulling you down without a warning or resistance on your part as he positioned you between his wide-spread legs. His nimble fingers pushed away the hair from your shoulder, exposing skin for his mouth to taste.

The scrape of his beard and his hands finding their way to your belly had your eyes flutter shut, only for a nip of his teeth causing them to snap open in surprise.

You glanced at him in the reflexion, instantly trapped by his irises, their magnetic shade putting you in a place you couldn’t escape even if you tried.

“I said look, babygirl,” he reprimanded you hoarsely, still holding your gaze as he deliberately led his hands higher, cupping your breasts. You shivered, unable to look away from the two of you when Steve kissed the crook of your neck, a sweet torturous move.

His daring fingers, his hot soft lips, the scratch of his beard, the warmth his body radiated as he seemed to engulf you--- all the sensation combined had you fist the sheets, a blissful sigh falling from your lips, as you watched them part in the mirror.  

“Look what a pretty picture you make, can’t blame the guy for having an eye on you.”

You gulped at the mention of another man – Daniel who? – genuinely forgetting about his existence when Steve was turning you putty in his hands, deciding to suck a bruise on a sensitive spot above your collarbone just because.

“Oh god-“

The surge of arousal to your veins was almost painful, causing your core to clench around nothing.

“Shh… I got you,” Steve cooed, kissing the incriminated spot tenderly, one of his hands leaving your breast in favour of running the pad of his thumb up your cleavage, over the hollow of your throat, landing on your bottom lip, caressing it before lightly tugging it down. “So tempting… but you’re a good girl, aren’t you?”

“Y-yes,” you breathed out automatically, catching a flash of Steve’s smirk in the mirror, his content hum vibrating against your back as he pressed you against his chest, scooting you closer, letting you feel his growing hard-on. The heat in your abdomen seared with the feeling what effect was taking this on him.

One hand reached for your jaw, manipulating your head to catch your lips with his, finally allowing your eyelids to slid shut. There was nothing sweet about the kiss – open-mouthed, demanding and dirty, Steve’s teeth tugged at your lower lip, stealing breath from your lungs, hogging all your attention – you barely registered his free hand loosening the zipper of your skirt and sneaking under the fabric, the shock of his palm suddenly cupping your sex over the wet panties blending into pleasure.

You whimpered into his mouth, pawing to cradle his jaw in the difficult position and he indulged you, impossibly deepening the kiss as his fingers traced your slit over the thin material of your underwear.

Oh heaven and hell-

“So ready for me,” Steve whispered a praise to your mouth, adding more pressure with his next movement, your hips automatically bucking forward to increase friction. “So wet, so sweet for me, such a good girl…“

You couldn’t help the mewl that left your lips – Steve knew all too well what that praise did to you. You grabbed on his thigh to ground yourself, but all of sudden his mouth was gone and you were led to turn your head away from him, facing the mirror again.

His fingers easily slipped under your panties, circling your clit and making your toes curl, his lips ghosting over the shell of your ear.

“Look in the mirror, sweetheart,” he coaxed you, a low growl escaping him when you did, but your eyes fluttered shut at the pleasure he was giving you. His motions stilled and you whined, rocking your hips against his hand only to have him still your movements. “Ah-ah… you watch, babygirl, you watch who’s making you feel this good…”

In that moment, heart hammering in your chest, low ringing in your ears, core aching for more friction and the pressure in your belly building up, you were certain that Steve’s voice, an octave lower than usual, existed only to torment you.

You forced yourself to open your eyes, met with a filthy picture of a woman with pupils blown wide, lips bruised from kissing parted in bliss, body pressed against a gorgeous man’s front, one of his hands gripping her hip to steady her, the other hidden under her skirt. You looked positively sinful, but you had nothing on Steve, perfectly red lips pressed to your ear, deep blue observing the reflexion as well, lustful gaze fixated on the flush on your face.

“Good girl, so obedient,” he complimented, one finger teasing your entrance and finally going in, an action followed by your breathy voice saying his name, a prayer and a blasphemy at the same time.

“Don’t we look good together, babygirl?”

“Yes.”

He added another finger, stretching your walls to both his and your liking. And by God, did you like it…

“Look at that, you must really want me, don’t you?”

“Yes,” you whispered, unable to stay still with the coil in your abdomen just about ready to snap. Your hand unwittingly moved to rest over his, urging him to push deeper. His lips curled wickedly before he left a trail of butterfly-light kisses on your collarbone. Despite your better judgement, you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the filthy picture.

The image of him would be burned into your brain like a brand, an image of a man with a face of an angel and leading you to sin like the devil himself, but in an oh so delicious ways…

“Christ, look at you, fucking yourself on my fingers,” Steve revelled, his gaze boring into yours with intensity you couldn’t bear anymore, causing your cunt to clench around his fingers like a vice. “Say my name, babygirl, tell me who’s gonna make you come.”

The heel of his hand pushed against your clit and the whisper of his name turned into a moan.

“Steve-“

“That’s right, babygirl. Look at me.”

You did, a skilful stroke deep into your heat drawing another whine of Steve’s name. His movements barely ceased as he added the third finger and went straight to the spot he knew would make you see stars.

“Again,” he grunted to your ear and you obeyed, your vision nearly blurring with your high so close, almost at your fingertips.

His lips found a sensitive spot of your neck just below your ear and you were done for.

“Steve!”

You came with a cry of his name on your lips, thighs quivering, head thrown back, eyes fluttering close in bliss.

His talented fingers worked you through your orgasm with almost lazy but very much intentional motions, while his lips kept whispering filthy praises right into your ear, placing a tender kiss here and there.

“My girl, so good, so needy… taking it so well… my precious girl letting me fuck her with my fingers… so gorgeous and all mine… all mine.”

A pleasant shiver ran down your spine at every word, leaving you craving more, even as you just came down from your climax.

Steve’s fingers disappeared from your tight channel with a muffled smack, bringing you back to reality, chasing heat to your cheeks when you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, utterly wrecked. You turned your head to find Steve’s lips instead, before you could decide you actually enjoyed seeing what he could do to you.

Your wordless plea remained unheard; his fingers spread some of your juices to your lips before wiping the rest on the skin of your cleavage and your blouse and only then he kissed you, tasting you, drinking your arousal from your lips as a man deprived water for hours, his hands roaming your figure, touching everywhere he could possibly reach.

You managed to roll over in his arms, kneeling between his legs on the bed, his hands pulling your blouse from your skirt so his fingers could slide under it, exploring more of your heated skin.

“Strip for me, sweetheart,” he breathed out, lightly pushing you away to stand on your shaky legs, watching you with interest as you obliged, unbuttoning one button after another for his lustful eyes.

He licked his lips, heated glare never leaving you as he blindly undid his own shirt; with a tell-tale of a clang of his belt, he lost his dress pants too, not at all ashamed at stripping his boxers and freeing his rock-hard cock standing to attention.

Your breath caught in your chest – you’d never stop marvelling at his body, thanking heavens and cursing at the same time. As if his stupidly handsome face wasn’t enough to drive you crazy-

Steve took offence at your bra still shielding you from his view, personally removing it as you stepped out of your sufficiently ruined underwear. You stood in front of the other naked as the day you were born, for a hundredth time and yet as if you were seeing each other for the first time.

You didn’t think you were shy under his gaze though – not after you were just forced to witness him fingering you. The corners of his lips rose minutely, fingertips running down your body, taking special care to stroke your hardened nipples, to cup your ass again.

“Fucking gorgeous,” he commented heartedly, voice husky as if he was the one screaming your name a minute before and not the other way around. You felt your thighs squeeze on instinct, remembering the feeling, recalling every sweet and filthy word he had just whispered in your ear.

And fuck, you loved it when Steve lost it and cussed on you, always making you feel wanted. Cherished even, despite his not always gentlemanly ways, ones you so thoroughly enjoyed.

But mirror? Now mirror was new and for a brief moment, before all remnants of rational thought vaporized, you wondered if you should be ashamed at having been so aroused and having come so fast.

Retracing its original path, one of his hands settled on your jaw to bring your mouths together, the faint taste of you still bittersweet on your tongue as it met with his, engaging in a filthy dance. You shut off your brain.

A gentle twist to your nipple caused you to moan in pleasure, the sound swallowed by Steve’s mouth. You nearly missed him walking you back, your feet following his lead on instinct; it wasn’t until your back hit the cold surface when you realized you were pressed against the mirror, the discovery warming your belly in excitement.

Steve’s lips moved to your throat to nip at your sensitive skin, hand snaking around your waist to save you from at least some of the coolness of the glass – a useless effort, really, seeing as your body felt like on fire.

“Gonna show you why you belong with me, babygirl, yeah,” he stated rather than asked, voice sultry, uncompromising.

A yelp erupted from your chest as he spun you around, fingers circling your wrists to pin them next to the reflective surface, ordering you to leave them there as his own hands played with your breasts, skimmed over any patch of skin they could find and shower with attention. Caressing, admiring, squeezing, cherishing.

“Don’t you look away, babygirl. Watch me as I take you apart.”

And you did as you were told, like the proclaimed good girl you were, the insecurity and excitement blending in one when seeing your irises widen in pleasure as he entered your channel from behind, hand possessively sprawled over your belly as if he could feel himself there. The glass kept fogging with your hot wet breath, long relieved and yet needy exhales as he slowly penetrated you over and over, letting you feel every inch, then short sharp ones as he drove home in a wickedly quick and shallow thrusts which had you begging for more, nails scrapping at the skin of your palms as you had to keep them in place.

The one time you couldn’t but try clamping at his hands on your hips, pleading and guiding him to give some attention to your aching clit, he pulled out altogether, leaving you painfully empty. Pushing his fingers past the seam of your lips, he incited you to watch yourself suck on them; your gaze kept flickering to his other hand massaging his sac as he was certainly not denying himself any pleasure while he left you aching for him.

“Naughty, dirty girl… taking anything I give you… so pretty with my fingers in your mouth- you want more?” he queried with a wicked smile, hypnotic gaze, expectant expression turning into a grin when you muttered a ‘please’ and he lined his cock with your entrance again, pushing all the way in.

“Look how we fit, babygirl… look at you, begging for my cock, needy little thing…. Tell me. Aren’t I. Fucking. Lucky?” he emphasized his point, each word accompanied with a rough thrust of his hips, following with a punishing pace and thankfully some loving to your clit at last. He soon tipped you over the edge, caging you in his body, trapping you in his eyes.

But it wasn’t even that you got to watch yourself that was making the experience so divine – no, it was Steve’s attentive gaze, alluring, indulging, smug even, until he got lost himself in the pleasure as well. His own eyes fluttered shut, red lips parting in needy moans rather than spilling praises for your body and readiness and guiding you to watch both yourself and him, ‘the only man who could give you this, who could fuck you this good, whom you’re always asking for more’.

He took your breath away, his beauty enough to outweigh the light burden of insecurity – the utter adoration in his lust-blown pupils, the satisfaction of being able to take you like this, to make you see stars he himself would hang for you… you had lost yourself in the maze of him and when you reached your climax, his movements faltering soon after, you saw galaxies in his irises, and felt a supernova explode in every cell of your body.

You thanked god that Steve had enough wit to press you further into the mirror when your knees gave out and saved you both from some no doubt painful injuries… well, mainly himself, seeing as you both learned to love the moments of staying the closest possible even after reaching your climaxes, bodies still merged into one.

He chuckled breathlessly at your state, loving arms engulfing you despite the sweat running down your back, despite how sticky your bodies were. You couldn’t find yourself grossed out by that, your head still spinning from the heights you were coming down from.

“I love you,” he panted into your ear, nose nuzzling in the mess of your hair. Once again, it could be disgusting, hell, probably was… but the intimacy and the way he lost himself in you, just like you did in him… was there a feeling that could compare?

Your hands finally slid down the wood, one staying for balance, the other finding Steve’s, fingers interlacing and squeezing.

“I love you too, Stevie,” you whispered, out of breath and barely audible, but loud enough if his embrace tightening was anything to go by.

Your furiously pounding heart skipped a beat when the pressure didn’t relent, Steve’s arms still holding you impossibly close, if not closer.

“Stay with me, sweetheart,“ he pleaded lowly, all humour and authority leaving his voice and your blissful bubble was slowly intruded by the reminder of what led to this mind-blowing experience. His mouth busied itself with dropping kisses anywhere he could find, beard tickling, lips tender. “Please, babygirl, tell me you’re mine.”

The crack in his voice was enough to make your heart ache for him, for the insecurity eating at his amazing soul.

You supposed it was expected; he was, like you, a master at overthinking and his insecurities caused by the threat of another guy, your classmate, probably started with age (which was ridiculous, it wasn’t like Steve was old enough to be your dad even, not that it mattered to you), continued with supposedly attractive accent of that asshole and ended with god knew what.

Still, there was no mistaking the uncomfortable tug at your heart when you heard Steve doubting himself, questioning if he was enough to keep you his. As if.

You resigned on attempting to balance yourself, your free hand finding its way to Steve’s damp locks, holding his head close, guiding him to meet your lips in a short but meaningful peck.

“I’m yours, Steve.”

A sharp intake of breath and you kissed him again, slow and deep, pouring in all love you could fit into one encounter of lips, withdrawing just enough to rest your mouth against his so he could feel your words. “I’m yours and I’m not going anywhere…. Aren’t you mine?”

“God, sweetheart,” he muttered, slipping out without grace and spinning your around, fingers plunging into your hair as he dived for your mouth, drinking all air from your lungs – sensation so pleasant and powerful you almost forgot about the trickle of thick liquid running down your thigh. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m yours.”

You smiled into the kiss and let your fingers travel to the half of the pendant he had given you, resting between his collarbones, usually hidden under his shirt.

“Because we fit perfectly.”

The curl of his lips and his slow nod was a blessing and a promise, a dawn of a new, brighter day. “Because we complete each other.”

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After a completely innocent shower together – because saving water – you practically dragged Steve to a bed to lazy for the rest of the day in your pyjamas.

He wasn’t too opposed to that, sensing that for one, he wouldn’t defeat you even if he tried and for two, you two desperately needed to chill together and talk. And what was better than cuddling, your head nestled against his chest with a drumroll of his heart in your ear, his chest in a thin t-shirt in reach for your lips, his arm around you, his fingers toying with your hair, knuckles brushing your cheek?

Now you could talk; you felt loved, you felt safe and you felt a tiny bit of guilt for keeping details about your new temporary classmate for yourself.

“I just… I didn’t want to be rude to him, you know?” you muttered after spilling the beans, lips pouting and pulse faltering as you knew it was only half of the truth. Steve dropped a tender kiss to your forehead, humming in a manner by which you knew he was encouraging you to speak further. “And I was… afraid that if I did something, like… I dunno, slap his hand or anything-”

“You think we’re still on thin ice dating together,” he stated, clearly having a revelation, because he hugged you tighter.

“Well, yeah. I don’t want to cause any problems and he’s the type—I think he would throw hands and complained, took it to high places and- I couldn’t have him do that.”

“Oh, so instead you let him-“ Steve shot back, but stopped himself mid-sentence, taking a calming breath as he felt you stiffen in his arms. You didn’t like angry Steve; you hated when he raised his voice and he knew that. “Bucky could tell there was something wrong.”

“So he ratted me out. How kind of him,” you noted, unable to help the note of sarcasm in your tone.

“Hey. I’m glad he did. I got an amazing sex from it,” Steve joked lightly, making you snort and bury your face in his chest, your cheeks burning. He chuckled and caressed your hair before growing serious again. “But more importantly, I think that the guy won’t be bothering you again. Bucky’s only looking out for you, you know. He likes you too.”

You knew it was the truth and you were genuinely grateful for the fact that Steve’s best friend approved of you to begin with – the idea caused you smile into Steve’s sleepshirt.

“Yeah... I guess. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you-“ No, that wasn’t right. “I’m not actually. I am sorry though that you found out this way. I was just... you were so stressed about the article and I didn’t want to burden you with some smug jackass-“

You head rose and fell with Steve’s deep inhale and exhale, his thumb gently stroking your bare arm.

“I won’t say it’s okay… but I get it,” he admitted, fingers sliding under your chin so he could look at your face, meet your gaze. His eyes… they dimmed with worry and a sting in your heart warned you not to ever bring the same sadness into them again. “But please don’t do that again. If something troubles you... just tell me, alright?

You closed your eyes, unable to bear the intensity he spoke with, but hummed in agreement.

“Hey, I mean it, sweetheart. Look at me-“ And once again, for the hundredth time that day, always after being asked to, you did. “Please? Even if you think it will make me mad or sad... I’d rather knew than found out I was so focused on something else that I almost missed us growing apart.”

Warmth spread in your chest at his admission, as painful as heartfelt. Your hand cradled his cheek, enjoying the gentle scrape of his whiskers against your palm. “That’s not gonna happen, Steve. Never. You’re mine and I’m yours. I love you and some Italian jerk calling me a princess won’t change that.”

“How would you feel if the roles were reversed? If I was keeping something that makes me feel bad from you? If I was scared maybe?”

Okay, ouch, that was a low blow, because it was obvious that you’d hate it—but it was also hypocrisy of the highest order.

“You didn’t tell me about the hate mail right away either. Had you waited another day, I would have learned from Professor Danvers,” you deadpanned, bringing a grimace to Steve’s face.

“Okay, that’s fair. But I learned my lesson. So please?” he pleaded again and really – how could you say no to his puppy eyes? Who gave the right to look so cute to such handsome, no, to fucking sexy man?

“Okay. Fine. Consider this me learning mine.”

“Just try,” Steve whispered, a content smile spreading on his lips, eyes softening. “It’s all I ask.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Thank you.”

After that, comfortable silence fell on your pair and you nuzzled further into Steve’s warmth, a content sigh leaving your lips. This was your definition of heaven.

Of course Steve had to crash the party with the dumbest question ever.

“So… you don’t like him, right?”

Your eyes snaped open, a loud groan erupting from your chest as you tried to twist from Steve’s hold – one that turned into a deadly grip, not allowing you to move an inch.

“Steve, he turned out to be the smuggest asshole I’ve ever met and that says something coming from me, because I met you, Bucky and Tony Stark in passing. So no, I don’t like him,” you spitted out, purposely jabbing at both Steve and the company he kept. And digging your elbow to his ribs, drawing a surprised, wounded, very manly yelp from him and having him release you. “If that makes you feel better, Da-ni-el might be speaking fluent Italian and English, but as far as I’m concerned, he sounds like a dick in both of those.”

Steve snorted a laugh, hands instantly taking a hold of you again, pulling you close. “Okay, okay, message received. Now come back here.”

You sputtered a curse as he had managed to rattle you, but you let him embrace you fully, because frankly, you had spent about five seconds out of his arms and already missed him. Even if he was amused by your antics.

“I love when you get all worked up. My feisty girl-“

“Shut up, Steven.”

“Oh, so it’s Steven now-“

You shot him a look, forcing yourself to keep a straight face when you saw the happy twinkle in his eye. Gorgeous bastard. So hard to be mad at him.

“Two words, Rogers: Smug. Asshole. My point stands,” you grumbled, his grin widening at your pretended grumpiness. “Oh, screw you-”

Faster than you could comprehend, you found yourself rolled over to your back; caged between Steve’s arms, his body lined with yours, legs interweaved, chest to chest, nose to nose and then his lips brushed your cheek, whispering into your ear.

“You did. And I think you liked it.”

You giggled despite yourself, your heart fluttering in delight; Steve’s giddiness was like a shot of ecstasy to your veins as he kissed you with a grin on his lips. After seeing him so worried for the past few days… you melted into him, committing every second of this to your memory.

“What’s got you so happy, Professor Rogers?” you questioned, watching him as he retreated, the twinkle in his irises taking away good five ten years from his handsome features.

“Well, you see, sweetheart,” he started, dropping a kiss to your nose, drawing another giggle from your lips. “Today, I told some hormonal brat who was making moves on my girlfriend to back off…”

“Uh-huh…”

“…I made crazy love to the said girlfriend-“

“Said girlfriend? You have more of those?” you muttered teasingly, earning a playful pinch to your side.

“I get to spend the rest of the day in bed with the woman I love, postponing the boys’ night-“

“You are?!”

Screw it, Penny would understand if you ditched her for one night-

Steve grinned boyishly, brushing his nose with yours tenderly. “Uh-huh. And I got an email this morning, saying that my article is getting published, so-“

You squealed in joy, grabbing his face and crushing your mouth to his, evidently surprising him, but once he regained his balance, he chuckled and responded in kind, lips following you eagerly when you suddenly withdrew.

“STEVE, THAT’S AMAZING!!”

“Shh, keep it down,“ he scolded you, half-heartedly muffling your voice with his palm, but his body was shaking with laughter at your excitement. You pushed the offending hand away.

“NO WAY I’M GONNA BE QUIET! YOU’RE SO AMAZING! I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!”

He shut you up with a kiss – and who were you to refuse that, your hands caressing him everywhere you could reach instead, in a desperate attempt to show him how happy you were for him.

Apparently, seeing you so giddy worked for Steve’s appetite too, because you could feel him growing hard again against your thigh, his tongue pushing past the seam of your lips to taste the euphoria on your tongue.

Despite your undeniable arousal, you refused to give in, retreating, and continued gushing much to his displeasure.  

“Steve, that’s wonderful news! Congratulations! We have to celebrate-“

“I’m pretty sure we already have,“ he mumbled, searching for your mouth again, his lips persuasive as they sank into yours, tempting, whispering: “We could again.”

You hummed in agreement, your resolve slowly thinning, but then you mentally stomped your foot. “Not with sex, you filthy maniac! Really celebrate! Champagne and stuff!”

Steve’s brows furrowed, lips pouty as he discontentedly observed you making plans to celebrate his success differently from his ideas.

“You’re so wonderful, Stevie, so smart!” you kept babbling, searching in his brilliant irises for any shadow of disagreement you would dismantle by any means necessary. Speaking of Steve’s super-intelligent brain… “How are you with me again?”

“Hey!” he opposed to your words instantly, his expression darkening. “Shush it! You’re brilliant and you know it.”

“Meh,” you scoffed dismissively, earning a dangerous glint in Steve’s eye.

“Stop it or I’ll make you.”

Oh, you’d like that. So would he, judging by one particularly hard part of his body poking your stomach.

“You deserve the world and I love you, because you are incredibly smart and talented,” Steve exclaimed pointedly.

Then, he made a pregnant pause, leaning in to brush the shell of your ear with his sinful lips, a little scrape of his teeth breaking the last remnants of your conviction about leaving this bed to celebrate your boyfriend’s brilliance.

“And let’s not forget, pretty girl… you’re my principessa.”

⊱-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦ ✉ ◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-⊰

S.R.masterlist

Attached masterlist

Words We Don’t Mean (and Those We Do) (next in timeline)

⊱-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦ ✉ ◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-⊰

Ah, look at them, knowing sex isn’t a solution to everything and actually choosing to talk about the issue too :D

By the way, I’m probably going to hell. Again.

Also, I admit I got inspired for the line about languages and sounding like a dick from The Flash episode (go to 3:15)

Sideway note: Not gonna lie, that infamous ‘shhh’ advice helped me through some tough time and hearing Chris talking about anxiety and stuff just makes me go like… good for him, being such a wonderful human being. But dammit, imagining hearing that ‘shhh’ in certain situation… my fucking death.

[cl-01-kestis]

My Little Rebel - Inquisitor!Cal Kestis x Female Rebel!Reader | Part 14

Summary: After getting a new leg installed, you travel into the depths of Coruscants night life and find yourself in a surprising scenario.

Warnings: hints of nsfw, alcohol consumption

(Keep in mind Cal is aged up to 19)

Quick note: This original post had an nsfw scene in it, I’ve taken it out because I feel like it doesn’t fit the story well at all. I’ve still implied that something happened, but you can perceive it however you want.

The sounds were so deafening, silence flooded your mind and you hated it. High pitched ringing rattled around your ears and pierced your ability to hear for a while after it stopped. You can’t remember the last time you opened your eyes, the light slid through your lashes and you felt like you might’ve been something other than alive. You could still feel your heart beat, you still sucked in weak breaths of air through your nose.

The first thing you smelled was metal, thick stench of silver varnish, polish and gasoline. You wanted to gag but something about being it seemed to calm you down, you felt like you were back on Yavin again but you knew you weren’t. Your fingers twitched and you opened your eyes slowly, immediately shutting them back over when you tealised two big bright lamps were bent over your still form which seemed to be lying on a leather made bed, a medical bed.

You weren’t in the Mantis, that’s for sure. The last thing you remembered was falling down after getting your leg cut clean off, after that everything was black.

“She’s waking” You heard a foreign voice speak, clearly there was people in the room spectating you as you slept. You attempted to open your eyes once more and squinted them instead of closing them over, your arms moving beside your waist to push yourself up and regain full consciousness.

As soon as your eyes adjusted to the light of the lamps looking down on you, they focused on the brand new shiny leg, replacing the one that was cut off. Only then did you realise just how much of your leg you lost, the metal started right at your v line and was attached to a metal brace that was wrapped right around your hips.

“Where am I?” Was your immediate response to your surroundings, shifting your position so your legs dangled off the bed and you held your head to avoid getting a headache due to how quickly you had woken.

“Hiding in the lower levels of Coruscant” Cere’s soft voice called out, the sound of chair legs scraping against the concrete floor before her face appeared in front of you. Cere was slightly lower than you due to how tall the bed was, looking up at you with her beautiful brown eyes and trying to avoid staring so much at your new leg. Processing her words, you let out a soft hum in response and blinked a few times to adjust to the light.

“We were lucky enough to find a mechanic who fixed you up, the leg should take a few days to get used to” Cere informed you in a serene voice, resting a hand on your knee on your real leg and reaching out her other one to hold your hand. You nodded your head at her words and looked up to find that Merrin was fast asleep in the corner, sitting on a chair with her arms folded and head tilted slightly to the side.

“Everyone’s asleep, the time’s 10 at night, I’d get more rest if I were you” You turned your head to meet the eyes of a young man, around the age of 18 with scruffy, curly hair and a face that was patched with oil and polish. Clearly he was the one that fixed you up.

“Thanks” You smiled at him, watching as he wiped his hands with a clean cloth after rinsing them under a tap which was in the corner of the room.

“It’s no bother, just don’t walk around too much just yet, this’ll take a while getting used to” The young mechanic said, chucking the dirty rag somewhere random and walking up to tell you more about your new metal leg.

“It’s made of Alum, commonly used for Mandalorian armour so it should stay intact for a few years. You can move it around, it’s attached your nerve endings to the legs so it shouldn’t be too difficult to find your way around it” He explained calmly, getting down on one knee in front of you and holding your ankle.

“If you may, I’d like to test the flexibility” He offered with a kind smile, earning a blush from you as you nodded your head and let him do what he had to do.

He stretched your leg out as if it were your other one, his hand holding down the robotic legs knee as the other one cupped your ankle, strething it so it was level with your hip and making sure he wasn’t going too far. You felt strange, it was as if you felt his fingers ghost on where your ankle should be, you never knew what it felt like to have a fake limb but here you were. Recklessness got you here and taught you a valuable lesson.

You were surprised you weren’t as shocked and as heartbroken as you should’ve been, you were pretty laid back about losing a leg, that says a lot about you. But you’re a Jedi after all, Jedi shouldn’t be scared and that’s one thing you aren’t. So you blame it on that.

Plus, it looks cool as hell. When people notice that one of your legs isn’t natural they’ll probably stay away from you, which is a good thing. Intimidation might be the way to go through to restoring the Jedi temple, you want people to avoid you and this was the first step of doing so. But still, a part of you felt pissed off because your real leg was sitting around somewhere in the holocron vault.

“How does it feel?” The mechanic asked, stretching it further. You felt strange around the area where your ham strings should be, he did say he wracked your nerve endings with the legs ones so it made sense as to how you could still feel everything.

“It feels normal, not sore” You replied, wriggling your robotics toes and rolling your ankle to test it’s flexibility.

“That’s good! If you’re ready, try standing up” He got off his knee and stood up, dusting his trousers off and reaching out for your hand.

You were reluctant to take it at first, your eyes flickering to Cere who nodded at you in encouragement. “You can do this” She smiled.

Taking his hand, you lean forward and hike yourself up onto your feet. Instantly, you crashed down onto the floor and thankfully landed on your hands instead of your face, saving you a few other instalments.

“Thought that might happen, it’ll take some time to walk straight” Cere informed you, looking at the mechanic who nodded his head at her statement and helped you back on your feet, this time holding your arm whilst Cere held your other.

“This is so weird” You sighed, closing your eyes briefly to gather your thoughts and gain the strength to take your first step on your new leg.

“It will be, dear” Cere assured you softly, rubbing your shoulder before helping you sit back down on the bed you woke up on, patting your back before leaning down and pressing a motherly kiss on your head. You smiled at her gratitude and squeezed her hand before letting her go back to sitting down beside Merrin who was still fast asleep.

-

Some time had passed and it was coming up to 11:30, Cere was asleep and so was Merrin but you were wide awake, getting used to walking around with a new leg and having the support of the mechanic who kindly gave you a crutch if you were to ever fall over.

You paced around the workshop for some time, using the crutch and waddling about till the pain in your leg went away and the nerves got comfortable enough to let you walk around without any trouble. Sleep wasn’t something you craved at that exact moment so you decided that sneaking out and finding clues about your past would be useful.

“Hey listen, have you seen a lightsaber around here?” You asked the mechanic whilst walking up to him without the crutch but still holding it in your hand, watching as his expression changed from emotionless to surprised.

“You’re the owner of that thing? Here I was thinking the Jedi were extinct!” He exclaimed with a delightful tone, grabbing your lightsaber from his workshop table and chucking it to you from a fair distance, a far enough distance that required you to reach it with the force.

“Not all of us” You replied with a smirk, bringing it up to your gaze and widening your eyes once you realised there had been a few changes made to the lightsaber.

“I noticed it wasn’t in very good condition when you came in, decided to patch it up... might be useful” The man said, walking up to you and pointing to the hold at the opposite end of the hilt.

“Double blade...” you whispered to yourself in amazement, looking back up to the mechanic with big bright eyes and bringing him in for a tight and unexpected hug.

“Thank you for this” You mumbled in his ear, squeezing him before letting him go and bringing your attention back to the saber. The mechanic cleared his throat and smiled, trying to suppress the blush spreading on his face as he watched you further inspect the newly improved saber.

With the click of the button, your lightsaber burst into life and a matching blade appeared on the other side. You felt so emotional looking at it, this would strengthen your combat skills enough to take down a full Inquisitor, it made you happy to see it. You’d heard so much about different Jedi who wielded double sided lightsabers, they were only used in advanced combat so it was never common amongst most of the Jedi. Only the most skilled could wield one.

Testing its movement, you adapted quickly to the new model of lightsaber and spun it skillfully around your body. You adjusted to the heaviness of the model and made sure it didn’t hit any parts of you as you made the saber come to a still once more and turned it off, the blades sheathing back inside the hilts.

“This is perfect” You beamed, nodding in approval at the mechanic who bowed his head in gratefulness and let out a relieved chuckle.

“That’s good to hear” He replied, turning to his workshop table once more and leaving you to get ready to wherever you wanted to go. But you were lost for directions at the moment, you’d never been to the lower levels of Coruscant before so of course you’d get lost without some advice.

You didn’t want to pester the mechanic further, so you approached the bed you woke up on and placed the crutch on it, dusting yourself off and grabbing your combat trousers which had been taken off for the procedure for your synthetic leg.

“You have any idea where I can find a popular club around here? It’s not what you think it is, I’m just trying to get in touch with someone” You turned around to the mechanic whilst fitting your new leg into the leg hole of your trousers, slipping it through and then getting your other one in.

“Why a club?” He asked with confusion, screwing on a gadget to a droid which was out of power, he was clearly trying to regenerate it.

“It’s busy, clubs are usually full so it’ll be a good place for me to blend in” You replied with reason, earning a fair nod from the mechanic who put down the screwdriver and wiped his hands.

“I’ll write down the navigations for you, look out for a club called the Outlander, that’s one of the most popular on the top level. But if you’re looking for something more on the lower side, go for Club Kasakar” The mechanic said whilst scribbling a bunch of messy handwriting in Aurebesh, your second language.

Not many people knew, but even though you were born on Coruscant, long before the Jedi found you, your mother and father were from Corellia so your first taught language was Old Corellian. Only when the Jedi found you did you start speaking Aurebesh.

“Here, this should help” He said, walking up to you and handing the piece of paper with a smile. You took it graciously, thanking him silently before looking over his handwriting and studying the navigation to both of the clubs.

“Also, one more thing,” you looked up to the mechanic who looked at what out were wearing.

“Turn up at a club like that, they won’t let you in... no offence” He warned you with a small ghost of a smile, making you blush and look down at your attire before clearing your throat.

“Thanks” You mumbled, bidding him a farewell before turning around and finding your way out of the workshop, clipping your lightsaber underneath your poncho and keeping it well hidden.

You arrived on a small landing platform that was stretched out into a large pot hole that went so far down, you couldn’t see the bottom. This was all the lower levels of Coruscant, vehicles of every kind drove past, carrying either locals or visitors, maybe even tourists. You skimmed over the large space to check if there were any taxi’s floating about whilst also making sure neither Merrin or Cere were looking around for you. You needed time alone.

You looked down at your wrist, a holowatch was wrapped around it and you were surprised to see it was in good condition after all you went through. Flicking through your contacts, you stuck your tongue out and frowned as you searched for the one person you needed to see most.

Clicking on his name, you waited. The sound of dialling rung out in the air around you and it took half a minute for the other end of the line to pick up. Some rustling was heard but you didn’t waste any time in getting the message across.

“I don’t have much time, save all your questions for later. Meet me at the Outlander club on Coruscant at midnight, don’t let anyone see you” You spoke clearly, checking your back to see if anyone unwelcome was listening in and realising who you were speaking to.

“I’ll be there” Cal replied.

“Good” You said sharply before hanging up and waiting on the platform for a taxi to come and pick you up. You had a long night ahead of you.

-

It was cold outside of the Outlander, busy to say the least, but waiting in the cold made you look like your date stuck you up. You made a stop at one of Coruscants designer shops and bought yourself a black mini dress and a pair of cheap silver heels. You weren’t going to waste your time on anything flashy so you went with the most basic option you could get. You were freezing though, you kept your poncho on due to the dresses lack of material.

You wish you had looked at your options before picking the most simple thing there was. In terms of comfort, the dress you were wearing had nothing towards it, instead it was for showing off and had the sole purpose to catch everyone’s attention. You felt embarrassed as strangers walked past you, looking you up and down like a piece of fresh meat before entering the club. You watched people go by opposite from the entrance with one leg bent, heel against the wall as you held your poncho close to your shivering body. Your legs were on show and had a wet look to them due to the dampness of the area and the fact it was lightly raining. The neon lights illuminated your figure and made you vulnerable to the naked eye.

You turned your head at the sudden shift in the force around you and felt your heart squeeze in your chest, looking over in the far distance to see a flash of red hair. You lifted yourself from the wall, eager to see if it was Cal as you walked a few steps forward and leaned on your toes.

Cal emerged from the crowd of people he was hiding in and searched around to find you, gold eyes shifting from body to body as he stuffed his hands in his black trouser pockets after adjusting his black blazer. You swooned are the way he looked, noticing the all black suit he had on and noticing he took your advice in making sure no one noticed him. He blended in perfectly.

“Cal!” You yelled out to him, waving your arm in the air to catch his attention which worked immediately. His eyes snapped to yours and his face lit up like a Life Day tree, picking up his pace and eventually crashing with your body. He wasted no time and swept you completely off your feet, spinning you around and setting you back down to kiss you passionately. You smiled in the kiss as he held you tight and used one hand to cup your cheek, his thumb stroking it softly as you tangled your fingers in his hair.

“I’ve missed you” He whispered as your lips departed, pressing his head against yours and closing his eyes as you hummed in response.

“You look amazing” You said to him, leaning away and taking a step back to inspect his outfit to which he blushed and waved your comment off bashfully.

“It’s nothing, I didn’t want to be noticeable so I went for the most simple thing” He said with a shrug, taking a joking spin which made you smile and let out a soft chuckle.

“But you... wow” He gasped, eyes noticing your dress underneath your poncho. In response, You unwrapped the poncho from your shoulders so Cal could see the rest of your dress, twirling and trying not to freeze to death as the cold enveloped your top half once more. Cal breathed out a sigh of amazement.

“Wait a minute” Cal stopped and frowned when he noticed your leg. The light shone against the Alum leg and caught Cal completely off guard. Any sign of happiness to see you was replaced with anger and confusion.

“Who done this? When did this happen?” He asked eagerly, taking a step towards you again and holding your hands delicately with his.

“I had a run in with an Inquisitor, it’s nothing” You brushed off his curiosity, trying to avoid telling him the fact you stole holocrons and almost got yourself killed.

“Maker (Y/N) you could’ve been killed!” He exclaimed, huffing to himself as you rolled your eyes and shook your head.

“Not trying to sound big headed, but I’m a Jedi” You smirked, causing Cal’s frown to slip off his face and replaced with a small ghost of a smile. He nodded his head awkwardly.

“Fair point, but let’s not forget you still have much training to do” Cal offered you his arm which you gladly took without hesitation, strolling in with him into the club as your other arm held on to your poncho. You two received many looks as you walked in the Outlander, feeling the bass of the music in your feet as you walked over to a high table and stood at either side of it, facing each other with smiles on your faces.

“Of all the places I thought I’d next see you, this is not what I pictured” Cal joked, earning a giggle from you as you leaned your elbows on the table, the neckline of your dress hiking down slightly and revealing your cleavage.

“Even so, no one will find us here... it’s just me and you now” you said coyly, tapping your fingers on the surface of the table as Cal flashed you a mischievous smirk.

“Last time you said that I had you pinned down on a bed” He replied, immediately causing you to blush and look away, fighting back a chuckle as he leaned on the table and placed his hands over yours. You bit your lip and looked back up to meet Cal’s flirtatious gaze, he winked at you before a waitress approached your table with a bright smile.

“Hi folks! Welcome to Outlander, what can I get you to drink?” She said in a speaker voice, holding a tray against her chest as she looked at the both of you.

“You speak Old Corellian?” You asked her in a quieter tone, seeing her furrow her brows before managing a smirk and nodding.

“Mimmin doko” I do. She replied, earning a smile from you as you leaned up and cleared your throat.

“Ihn spelulo de Coruscant visci Fho Uhl sinioro Il Ihn spelulo de Corellisi vin Fho mi” A glass of Coruscant whiskey for the gentleman And A glass of Corellian wine for me. You said effortlessly, seeing the waitress nod as she scribbled down your order on a small holopad, smiling as she finished and nodded.

“Coming right up” She chuckled, turning around and making her way back to the bar as you turned back to Cal who had a more than shocked expression.

“Where the kriff did that come from?!” He asked in amazement, whistling to himself as he looked you up and down seductively, intrigued by what he heard.

“Corellian parents, kinda cool right?” You simpered, stroking Cal’s forearm which made him raise a brow at you in amusement.

“Cool? It’s hot as shit” He said lowly, making you laugh and tap him playfully as he leaned in close to you, your heads almost touching.

“Why’d you speak it to the waitress anyway?” Cal asked curiously, looking around to check once more if anyone was looking at either of you as you smiled and cleared your throat to pass the time.

“Hidden identity I guess, to cover up our tracks so no one knows who we are” You said.

You and Cal chatted for a bit and waited for your drinks whilst listening to the music blasting around the club, people dancing at all corners as you two blended in and looked like everyone else, normal. Cal occasionally touched your arm and intertwined his fingers with yours, knowing fine well he wouldn’t be able to do this with you around people for a long time after. The thought made him sad but you understood how he felt, the two of you were the most dangerous people in the galaxy according to the Empire and Rebellion. You were destined to destroy one another, but at this exact moment you could be with each other without anyone knowing. Now that thought was calming.

“Here’s your drinks!” The waitress from earlier returned with your order, lifting the drinks and placing them on the table effortlessly.

“Lui mia kar” Enjoy my dears. She smiled before walking away and leaving the two of you alone once more. You looked at your drink and then to Cal’s, noticing he had glowing blue whisky which made him look at it as though it was a foreign object.

“Care to tell me what you ordered for me?” Cal asked in a sultry tone, picking the whisky glass up and inspecting it before taking a chance and trying it. His lips met the rim of the glass and he tilted it up, the blue liquid reaching his mouth and making him hum as the whiskey poured on his tongue.

“Coruscant Whiskey, it’s a drink my friends and I got drunk on a lot when we all started living on Yavin” You chuckled, watching as Cal’s face twisted in different emotions. At first he was skeptical about the taste but he raised his eyebrows and smiled.

“It’s not that bad actually, pretty sweet” He commented, setting his glass down and smiling at you.

“It is, Coruscant offers sweet whiskeys but some can be a bit too sweet. Corellian wine on the other hand, any type of wine from there is perfection” You smirked, picking up your own glass and taking a sip from the ruby red liquid inside. Cal watched you closely, noticing the way you licked your lips after you finished sipping. He couldn’t stop his eyes from looking down below your neck, noticing the way your breasts were held in tight against the material of your dress. Cal took note that you weren’t wearing a bra considering the dress had extremely thin straps and would look rather strange with one on.

You noticed Cal looking and leaned your head down so you were blocking his view, earning a blush from him as he quickly looked away and took another shy sip of his whiskey, shrivelling up at the taste for a second before getting used to it once more.

“So... how goes the Inquisitor work?” You couldn’t help but ask, watching as Cal frowned and pursed his lips, it was clear the question had damaged the mood slightly.

“It’s... boring, nothing too important’s happening” He said in a more than melancholy tone, avoiding your gaze as he looked at your hands, almost as if he was studying them.

“Trilla- The second sister, she’s frantic about catching you” He added.

“Am I really causing such a stir? What’s next, Darth Vader knows about me?” You scoffed. Cal stayed quiet.

Your heart twisted when he didn’t reply, he only swallowed and looked down at his whiskey in guilt. You leaned back slightly and felt a lump growing in your throat.

“Well shit” You chuckled, not out of amusement but rather fear, just to shake the tension off your shoulders.

“Does anyone know you’re here?” You asked. Cal shook his head and returned his gaze to yours after what seemed ages. You sighed in relief.

“At least that’s something...” Your gaze shifted over to the bar which was shaped in a hollow circle in the middle of the room, many customers sat at the counter and ordered drinks of all kinds, some others were selling death sticks. You watched in interest and skimmed the room until your eyes landed on the bathrooms in the far corners of the club. You noticed couples either going in or coming out, making you blush and look away before picking up your wine and taking a few big gulps of it which made Cal’s eyes almost bulge out of his head.

“Careful! Don’t get drunk on me just yet” He scolded you playfully, bringing the base of the glass down on the table as you still kept a firm grip on the body.

“Need something to shake me up, it’s been a stressful day” You said, hinting at your leg which made Cal nod his head in an understanding manner, his eyes lingering on it for a few seconds longer before clearing his throat and reaching his hands up to his collar to loosen his tie and undo a few buttons.

You couldn’t stop yourself from looking at his pale skin underneath his shirt, you could see a muscle in his neck flex which made your heart flutter, unable to take your eyes off him. He took notice to this and smirked, walking around the small table so he was next to you and wrapping an arm around your waist.

“You know, i don’t mean to sound provocative, but I wouldn’t mind taking you somewhere more private” He said in your ear as you sipped slightly at your wine, trying not to choke on it as your face heated up and you looked at Cal with wide, surprised eyes.

“And for whatever reason would you want to do that, Mr Kestis?” You toyed, hands reaching to Cal’s tie and pulling on it to bring him closer to you, your lips inches away from each other as he let out a low chuckle and grabbed your hips.

“I’m sure you know why” He whispered, using his other hand to grab your chin and tilt it up slightly as he peered down at you with his bright golden eyes. You didn’t look away, you felt impelled to kiss him right there and then but you were around so many people. It took a lot to fight the urge off and Cal shifted around your thoughts out of curiosity, a cocky smirk growing on his face as he pulled you closer to him and smashed his lips onto yours, almost knocking the wind out of you.

At this point you didn’t care about the embarrassment of people watching, you kissed Cal back and didn’t hesitate to open your mouth and grant him access to taking it a step further. Your hands tugged on his hair and you felt his fingers dig deep into your hips, his other hand shifting from your chin to your ass which made you yelp in surprise.

“Maybe somewhere private doesn’t seem so bad” You breathed out as you separated your lips from his, feeling his hot breath tingle on your face as he pulled away and nodded his head. He was flushed in the face, licking his lips as he grabbed his whiskey glass and finished off whatever was left in it, cringing at the taste once more before grabbing your hand and taking you away from the table. You didn’t have time to finish your wine but you managed to quickly leave a few credits to pay for both of the drinks.

The air was thick as the two of you approached the entrance to the bathroom, but neither of you thought anything about what you were doing. You received strange looks from people who were nearby the bathroom, knowing fine well what you two were getting up to. You laughed as Cal looked behind his shoulder and cracked a smile, pulling you close and kissing you once more before leaning into the bathroom door and taking you with him.

You and Cal stood at the bathroom sinks beside one another, flushed with heat as you washed the sweat off your faces with water from the taps. You had messed up his suit and he ruffled your dress, the hem hiked up more than it was supposed to. You both kept replaying the events that just took place in your heads, side eyeing one another and letting out the occasional giggle which was muffled by the music outside of the bathroom.

“We should probably get back to the club, it’s starting to heat up in here” Cal said, turning to face you and reaching over to your shoulder to fix the strap of your dress. You nodded your head, clearing your throat and taking his hand so he could lead you out of the bathroom, eyes linked to yours a second longer than necessary before he turned around and started walking towards the door.

The two of you returned to your tables very suspicious looking, ordering another round of drinks and looking to one another with great blushes on your faces. You could definitely say you spent this night well.

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

No strings attached (G.D./E.D.)

Summary: When his brother gets married, Grayson is there for his best friend who happens to be Ethan’s ex and the one who got away. However, when she suggests they start a no strings attached relationship with the sole purpose of having a baby together, Grayson is quick to accept for he had loved her his whole life and maybe...just maybe, she loves him too. And while she struggles to move on, remembering the twin who had broken her heart, Ethan complicates everything when he admits he still has feelings for her.

Warnings: angst, fluff, SMUT (unprotected sex), cheating, alcohol, swearing..

Word count: 18k+

"You came." It didn't feel like a statement, more like a gasp that passed his lips in a moment of weakness because seeing her had rattled his self-made gilded cage.

"Grayson insisted." Y/N forced a polite smile, but she couldn't fool Ethan. Not when he had taught her how to fake a smile because she was always too honest and wore her heart on her sleeve. She was too pure to be able to deceive people, so he showed her how and he never expected he'd be hit with a fake smile from her heavenly lips he loved to kiss.

"Oh." It's more of a sigh, a heaviness that pushes down on his chest and makes it harder for him to breathe. It’s been about ten years since they were truly alone and he never thought the next time they would find themselves alone would be in a barn right after he vowed to spend his life with another.

"Is there a reason you wanted to talk to me or are you here just to stare?" Her sharp tongue had caught him by surprise, but he didn't mean her harm, surely she knew that? He simply couldn't help himself once he saw her leave in need of solitude, his own need to speak to her too dire to resist the temptation.

"I'm not sure. I just...when I saw you, I felt my heart stop and everything I didn't want to remember came rushing back. I felt like I'm twenty again, standing in front of you with my heart in my hand and you breaking it all over again." The last thing he wanted was to start an argument, especially not one that's ten years old and something he should have left in the past. His conviction of that is confirmed when her impassive face slowly changes from disbelief, to frustration, to rage.

"I broke your heart?!" Control she tried to hold onto had dispersed as his words reopened wounds she tried hard to close for a decade and failed inevitably.

How can one move on from a man she considered to be the one? No one compares, even now as he's pushing her buttons on a day she felt herself shatter. Even when he had chosen another over her, time and time again, he couldn't let her go. He either loved her too much or not enough.

"You're so full of shit, Ethan. Always were." With a shake of her head, she couldn't do it. She couldn't stand there and rehash the painful past he had left her burdened with. She came for closure, not to be reminded of the cruel nature of their lover's death.

"Me? I'm full of shit?! I stood there, making an eternal vow to someone I always thought would be you, but it never happened! Kristina isn't you!" Shouting at her as she tries to pass him by and get as far away as possible, Ethan grabbed her wrist on instinct and pulled her back to face him. When he did that in the past, she'd always smile and kiss him, tell him all she ever wanted was to know he cares enough to fight for her and their argument would be over, but not this time. There was no room for forgiveness in her eyes and her hate for him was brighter than the fire she held for him before.

“Be honest. We could have worked out.” Her eyes narrow at him when his words grip her heart and mind, pulling her back to a time when she was such a fool for him. From the moment he first kissed her, she was slowly losing herself in him.

"And I'm to blame?" She scoffed, ripping her hand out of his hold with a scowl on her face. Rubbing her wrist to soothe the ache that couldn't compare to the real pain he's caused her, she draws in a short breath.

"You left to Australia to figure things out and disappeared for a month! You brought a girl with you halfway across the world, quarantined together! You started dating her before ever telling me we were finished and then I was expected to be your friend? Fuck that and fuck you." The darkness in her voice is easy to imagine festering inside her for years, yet Ethan never realized she saw it like that.

He could see the pain written in her teary eyes, on her slightly wrinkled forehead and in her trembling lips. He could see the anguish he caused her and yet he found himself torn to pieces by all the plans for the future he had for them that never came true. Years have gone by and somehow, by a cruel twist of fate, she had grown into an enchanting, gorgeous woman and he still had a weakness for her.

"I was at the airport, naive enough to think the online chatter were baseless rumors, but I saw you kiss her." Swallowing thickly, Y/N found it hard to breathe. "And I guess it was fate for you...after all, you did marry her today." She shrugs, wiping a tear before it even started its path down her cheek, likely her last stubborn act to protect her pride and flawless makeup.

"I wish I didn't. I...thought you'd call, or come. I left you a ticket to come for my birthday and you never did. I just thought you were done with me. I thought our time apart had turned into a break and she was there...she was good to me.” Running a hand through his hair, Ethan could hardly breathe with the way she looked at him, her presence is just as intoxicating now as it was back then.

“Why didn't you tell me? If you told me you cared, I'd have left her in a heartbeat, even today. Even now." Ethan sighs, leaning closer to the woman he should have fought for, the woman of his dreams and the one he had told his father was his soulmate. Perhaps it's his stubbornness or his pride that blinded him to her feelings that persisted for so long, but no matter what it was, he had no excuse. He should have fought for her.

"How convenient for you." But she wasn't forgiving now as she usually is and she had no more heart left to give this man who had gambled her trust away. Not after the damage he had caused and left her alone to deal with the rubble.

"Go back to your lovely wife, Ethan. She deserves a faithful husband." With a slight push of her palms against his chest, Y/N had done what she should have done long ago - she let Ethan go and finally, for the first time in forever, she could breathe fresh air again.

Her head hurt and the old scars burned, but as she walked away, her soul was made anew - light and open to new beginnings, something she avoided. She had pushed away every man that got too close, afraid to be hurt again. Now, she found herself ready to try again.

"Tired?" Grayson raised an eyebrow as he took one good look at her glistening eyes and realized how draining the day must have been for her. Every time he asked, he'd get the generic "I'm fine" answer and a smile he could see through, but he let her pretend if it meant she'd get through the day alive. He saw her wither, mourn for his brother for years and it pained him too much for it to be healthy, but he felt her pain personally.

"Exhausted." She mustered a real smile for her best friend, opening her arms wide to give him the biggest hug just for being him. She might have lost Grayson for a while when Ethan first broke her heart and it was mostly because she needed time to heal but they quickly found their way back to each other and despite them moving away in different parts of the country, the pair stayed in contact and always made sure to meet every few months if their lives took them away for longer periods of time.

"But I'm glad I came. It felt good to let the old grudges go." She tightens her hold on Grayson, her hands resting on his strong back as his muscles relax under her fingertips and she can only smile in content. She never felt as warm or safe like she did in his arms. He's always been the man that made her smile, even when she was going through hell. Happy or sad, angry or stressed, he was there to lighten the mood and she always appreciated him for it.

"Wanna have a movie night and get a bit drunk?" Grayson suggests, more than aware of her sudden burst of giggles at the thought of him drinking alcohol.

"You don't drink." She reminds him, continuing to chuckle, covering her mouth with her right hand, something Grayson hated. He always thought she had the most beautiful smile and yet, at some point, Y/N felt deeply insecure about it and it drove him mad because it deprived him of the most mesmerizing view.

"I'll drink a few with you. I'll even let you throw popcorn at every cheesy romance scene on TV." With a small smirk, Grayson pulled her closer to him, stealing a second hug for his soul, but to reassure her as well.

"Let's go." She mumbled into his shirt before separating, allowing Grayson to open her door as he always insisted. She appreciated the gesture more than he knew. Grayson is a perfect gentleman and she couldn’t help but question why he’s been single for so long. In fact, he never had a real relationship since they met.

Driving away to Y/N's hotel room, just to make sure no one comes looking for them at the Dolan house, the pair were unaware of wandering eyes of a drunk, desperate groom who felt his rage swell inside his chest with every beat of his bleeding heart.

**

They drove in silence, music filling the air to prevent any awkwardness although they never had those moments...unless the time Grayson walked in on a naked Y/N in the shower back when they first met at eighteen counts. Aside from a bruise he got from running into a wall instead of the door as he apologized profusely, Grayson found it hard to look at her at all without being flooded with inappropriate thoughts.

"Make yourself comfortable." She tells him the moment she walks into her hotel room, dropping her bag by the door, throwing her heels off within the next two steps. Her heels remained tossed close to the door, like a hazard Grayson was sure would make him sorry he didn't put them in the place neatly for her, but the moment he saw her unzip her dress and it fell to the floor around her sore feet, his brain no longer functioned properly.

With a single move of her fingers, she unhooked her bra as well, throwing it behind her with a loud exhale of relief and while she told Grayson to get comfortable, he could hardly move. Hell, he could hardly breathe as his heart picked up speed and his dick soon felt the accelerated blood flow as it twitched in his pants, aching for release.

She was quick to put on a loose shirt, leaving her with an almost covered ass and those curvy legs of hers available to his curious, hungry gaze that couldn’t ignore the lacy green panties she had on.

"I have a bottle of wine I wanted to gift the newlyweds, but fuck them. They're getting married and starting their life, they don't need quality wine! We do!" Rambling, she grabbed a few glasses that clinked as she carried them, placing them on the table before settling on the couch, only then noticing a very stiff looking Grayson who still stood by the door.

"Are you okay?" She tilts her head to the right with the slightest inkling of worry in her eyes, looking him over for signs he may need help - top to bottom, only to pause in the middle as his problem became evident.

Swallowing thickly, she bites her bottom lip as Grayson rubs the back of his neck nervously, ashamed of his current situation but she only chuckles, rolling her eyes.

"I'll take it as a compliment, now get out of those uncomfortable clothes and drink with me." She orders, opening the bottle with a slight pop before she pours herself a full glass and half a glass to her best friend. Better to pace him than have him drunk within an hour.

"If you're not here in a minute, I'll rip those clothes off you myself." Fixing her eyes on his situation once more, she raises a brow with her very own curiosity playing games with her mind. "With my teeth." She adds coyly, watching Grayson squirm, unable to ignore the red tint in his cheeks.

Quickly, Grayson takes her advice...or better yet, order, getting into nothing but his boxers, stumbling over her hazardously tossed shoes before sitting next to her.

"I don't have anything else to wear." He groans, too aware of his hard on being distinctly impossible to hide now, even as he placed both hands over it.

"I'll crank up the heat so you’re not cold. It's fine. We're friends. If you want to cover up, you can use the blanket, but I promise you I'm not insulted or anything. If I'm anything, it's horny and that won't be happening, so..." Trailing off, she shrugs with disappointment in her small smile and for the first time in forever, Grayson saw an opening. It's something he had held back on, but he didn't have it in him to keep denying himself the woman he had desired for so long he no longer found anyone else worthy of his time for more than one night.

Stature of limitations can't possibly be effective after one party is married, right? Besides, Ethan had simply gotten to her first when in fact, it was Grayson she first met.

"I wouldn't take that watch. It's a knockoff." Grayson couldn't help himself. Not only was the person in question drop dead gorgeous, she also picked up a watch he made a mistake on a year ago and it was a rather hefty check he gambled in the process.

"I'm aware. But thank you." She didn't look back, tired of men and their mansplaining, and definitely tired of men flirting. She wasn't exactly popular with guys she likes, but for some unknown reason, guys she didn't like had a tendency to be very persistent in winning her affections.

"So why buy it then?" However, Grayson was never one to give up and he had no intention of letting this woman go without asking her name first.

"Because my budget allows for a counterfeit, nothing more and I still want it to look fancy." At this point, Grayson knew he was the last person this girl wanted to talk to, but as he opens his mouth to apologize, she turns to him with grace he believed to be magical and her eyes met his.

As cliché it may be, Grayson thought time stopped...even if he was standing in the middle of a shop filled with clocks that could easily prove him wrong but he never felt it before - can a heart literally skip a beat when you meet the person you're meant to be with?

"What if I can give you a fancy, original watch and all you'd have to do is make me a dinner?"

Looking back, he saw how that might have made her feel like he's giving her an immoral offer, but at the time, she was desperate and he was handsome as hell. She saw it as a win and agreed with the widest, most beautiful smile - the first time he ever saw her smile and a sight she didn't cover up back then.

Little did he know Ethan would end up being there as well, crashing their date and soon enough, stealing her right under his nose.

So yes, maybe he didn't give a shit if Ethan is okay with it, this was finally his time to shine. If it's not too late considering she seems to be in love with Ethan even now after he betrayed her over and over again.

"Can you believe Ethan got married before us?" Already tipsy, Y/N chuckles in disbelief, leaning closer to Grayson as she holds her second glass of wine close to her chest. She wasn't much of a drinker either, but she needed some alcohol to get through the night.

"I mean, I always thought it would be you. He used to tell me he isn't fond of the idea of marriage but when we have kids and all that he'd be okay with us getting married." Taking a big chug, she nearly chokes on the wine, coughing as Grayson pats her back lightly. He used to think he’d be the first to get married too, but he gave up on the notion.

"Remember when we made that deal?" It suddenly dawned on her as Grayson reminded her of something she buried in the furthest parts of her mind.

"Before you and Ethan got together, we were sitting on the roof, watching the stars?" Grayson continues and she hums, acknowledging him.

"I said I'd marry you if we were thirty and single." She didn't expect the smile that appeared on her lips nor the honest emotion that took over. They were only eighteen when they made the deal after she and Ethan got into an argument about him buying her expensive gifts she had never asked for before they were even dating officially.

"We're almost thirty now." Stating, she turned completely to Grayson, her eyes taking in his naked torso before continuing.

"We don't have to get married or anything, but don't you want kids?"

Rubbing his forehead, Grayson couldn't help but feel he's too sober for this conversation.

Does he want kids? More than anything!

Did he think he'd be nearly thirty and alone? Never.

"Yes. I know where you're going with this and no. You're drunk, you're not thinking soundly so we can't go down that road." Grayson sighs, moving back to give her some space and create a little distance between them, but she quickly grabs his hand and holds him in place.

"I had two glasses of wine, don't be so dramatic.” Rolling her eyes at him before her face falls, Y/N sighs.

“Grayson, I can feel my biological clock ticking and my womb is crying for a baby to carry. I want this and I honestly can't imagine anyone I'd rather do it with than you. You are daddy material. I've always loved that about you." Taking his hand in hers, she inched closer with a slight smile pushing onto her face.

"We are best friends. We can't just have a baby and act nothing happened. IVF would be brutal anyway." Grayson is trying his best to be the voice of reason. He had a sip of wine, but not nearly enough to ignore that she might be doing this because she can't watch Ethan move on with his life in a very definite way and be happy for him.

Is he supposed to be her distraction from the pain?

"Who said anything about IVF? We could have sex, right here, right now. Repeat it a few times to be sure over the next week and that's all. After that, no sex or romantic feelings. We'd be co-parenting, and if we meet someone else along the way, we'll figure it out as we go."

And maybe he's had more than a sip, perhaps even a whole bottle if he's seriously considering her offer, but then again, he's drunk off her. He's in love with her and he has been for ten years and she's giving him a chance to have her, even if it's for a week, and a chance to be in her life for as long as they both live. Perhaps it's nothing compared to what he wished for, but it's undeniably everything in this particular moment where her bare thigh is rubbing against his and her palm is set on his arm, her eyes boring into his soul as her plump lips quiver with desire.

She's looking at him like she wants to do more than just make a baby - she's looking at him like a man she's passionately interested in and it's a look he's waited a lifetime to see in her eyes.

So, despite all reason and better judgement, Grayson smiles before pulling her onto his lap. "I'm in."

Resting her forehead on his, she draws in a shaky breath. "No strings attached?"

Reluctantly, he confirms. "No strings attached."

Little did they know they would be tangled in all the strings the moment their lips touch.

That first taste of his lips made her heart shiver, her hands shaky as his fill up with her ass, feeling him squeeze as his tongue swipes her bottom lip. Wasting no time, she grants him access, pushing down on his lap until his hard-on pressed against her inner thigh and she can't help the moan that passes her lips nor the brazen curiosity her hands indulge in. Her palms travel down his chest, her left one remaining on his neck as the right one continues on its journey to his hardened member, drawing in a deep breath as his hands move up to the small of her back, warm against her skin.

"So warm." She managed to mumble against his lips, her hand finally reaching his aching bulge, hastily palming him until he breaks their kiss, groaning with unrestrained desire and his control wavers.

"A-are you sure? We still have time to stop and just watch a movie." No matter how it pained him, Grayson couldn't go through with it without making sure she's not going to regret it. He didn't want to be the guy that used her in a vulnerable state and he never wanted to taint the friendship they had before he tasted her lips for the first time in his life. And just one taste of her was enough to mark him hers. He couldn't get enough.

Pausing, she cups his cheeks and bores her eyes in his, the clock ticking in the background only sound beside their strained breaths filling the silence. She couldn't believe he doubted her, although she understood why he's apprehensive.

For a moment, Y/N worried he may find her unattractive, or someone already tarnished due to her relationship with his brother and yet, when she looked into his chocolate brown eyes, Y/N only saw concern for her. He cares enough to handle blue balls if she's in any way doubtful of their unexpected actions. But then again, somehow, Y/N found it as anything but unexpected.

"Never been as sure as I am now."

Reconnecting their lips again, she found herself immersed in him, fully lost and consumed by no one but Grayson Dolan. His hands on her body, his tongue locked in an intense, fiery tango with hers, his penis already visible through his briefs and her own unquenchable desire and longing taking over as she pulls her shirt up, breaking the kiss long enough to pull it off her head and reveal her breasts - nipples hard and ready just as she is.

If there's anything she's sure of is that all her sense of self disappeared when his mouth captured her left breast, his hands slipping past her waistband, flicking her clit as soft moans betray her pleasurable need for him.

"I can't", she shuddered, breathing hard as his open mouthed kisses left a burning trail on her collarbone and she knew she was done for.

"Please, Gray." She struggled to keep herself sane as his fingers picked up speed and a scream erupted from deep inside her chest and he smirked against her neck. Sensitive, needy and ready to comply, she leaned her head on his shoulder while he worked his magic.

"Tell me. Tell me what you want." He teased her, slowly building her up to her first orgasm and he wanted her shaking and wet when he starts having his way with her. She would surely need it.

"You. I. I want you. Inside me. Take me, please." She pleaded, her eyes closed as he picks her up and moves toward the bed, her legs wrapped around him as she rubs herself against him for friction though he didn't stop his hands from making her moan. Try as she might, she couldn't hold them back.

Placing her on the mattress, he smirked before lowering his head to her thighs, gripping her lacy green panties with his teeth before ripping them in a single move. He craved to see them, but the satisfaction he got from tearing them off her was unparalleled.

"What?!" She didn't get to scold him for his lips have found their way onto her sensitive nerve bundle, sucking as his fingers delved inside where she needed him the most. Her hands weaved in his hair, pulling at the stray locks with quivering in her lower abdomen as her breathing became short, coming in gasps of pure ecstasy and her thighs trembled as Grayson's hands gripped her hips and kept her in place when she tried to move away. She pulled at his hair a little too hard, but Grayson didn't mind - loss of control means she's lost in the feelings he had provided her with, only fueling his unbelievable thirst for her solicited moans he only ever heard in his dreams or something close to them whenever she ate something she really liked.

He's relentless, unforgiving and a generous lover and while her mind is forming incoherent thoughts about all the unforgettable ways his tongue moves, all she can say is his name - fervently, unapologetically screaming his name as her orgasm makes her lose all control and instead of simply enjoying the entrancing beauty of the moment his name falls from her lips and her body shakes in his arms, Grayson frees his dick at last, nearly crying out once he pushes himself inside, catching the last wave of her clenching walls, enjoying how firmly her hands grip his arms as he slowly fills her up.

"You're so beautiful." He whispers in her ear as he pauses for her to adjust, slowly inching his way inside her until she's all full and even she can tell it will be a hot minute before he bottoms out.

“So, so perfect.”

Her mind is a little clearer, too aware of his wet lips at her jaw, littering her with kisses as his body weight presses her further into the mattress. She's hooking her leg around his waist, aiding him in his effort to bring her to a new orgasm once again, the new one hopefully fruitful for them both. Her arms fold around him, bringing him closer until his chest falls on hers, no room left between them - their hearts wildly beating fast, allowing them to feel every beat as Grayson lift his head up and their eyes meet again.

Sliding further inside, her mouth falls open as a sigh leaves her involuntarily, making him smirk vainly and the smugness in his eyes only made him more appealing.

It was impossible to ignore how intimate the moment is, how neither of them want to part. Had it been a simple 'let's have a baby' deal, it would have been all business, in and out in minutes, but this was all pleasure and they both knew it. And this was a first for both of them in a sense – their first time without condoms, feeling their partner without any barriers.

"Are you in?" She couldn't help but feel a little self-conscious, the liquid courage gone as he holds her in his embrace - bare in every sense of the word, but she trusts him with all her heart.

"Not yet." Grayson chuckles when her eyes widen at his statement, aware she's thinking about how big he is and how she's probably worried he wouldn't fit but as he adjusts and slides in further, finally bottomed out, he smirks when she gasp at the slight thrust. Pecking the left corner of her lips, their noses brush together as he whispers.

"Now I am." That's when he's moving, leisurely with confidence, building her back up only to stop and make her whimper and he couldn't help but feel proud he's managed to get her to ask for more...to ask for him.

"Gosh, you're such a tease!" She exclaimed, half out of her mind as her hands grip his ass to control his speed and depth and still, he's unmovable, cocky and yet too afraid of losing the reigns of himself. He can't act anymore, no pretense left.

This night has been everything he wanted for so long that he can't even hide it. It's in his eyes, on his lips, in the gentle touch of his fingertips on her skin and the strength of his arms around her, but the way he's taking his time and making every moment count for her? It's proof enough that this is more than a casual fuck.

"What's so wrong in never wanting this to end?"

But she can't hide it either, his words had undone the last of her restraints. He can see it in the way she pushes his matted hair back from his face to better look into his warm, loving eyes, in her genuine smiles, the way she pulls him close and won't let up or the way she says his name as if it's her favorite word.

Y/N realized she would never quite be able to forget the way he makes her feel after years of pushing down feelings she told herself are forbidden - that she had loved him first, before Ethan, before anyone else - terrified to remember, forbidden to forget.

She did it for Ethan, but now? She had no reason to hide.

And as the moment passed, urgency took over and Grayson no longer held back. Long, fast strokes replaced the slow, gentle ones and neither of them could think any longer. Forgoing everything, their moans and grunts and whimpers filled the room as Grayson pounded into her and while she loved when he was gentle with her, she couldn't get enough his rougher, harder way to get her to the finish line.

He gripped at every part of her he could get while she held onto him for dear life, her nails making marks as she finished first but he wasn't too far behind. Once he felt her walls clenching once again and the warmth enveloping him, he was faster, jerkier and insatiable. Biting into his shoulder as her orgasm shook loose all the feelings she kept hidden, Grayson finally came inside, filling her up as he laid on top of her, keeping his weight off with his elbows.

"Don't move." She whispered in his ear, her fingers playing with the hair at the back of her neck as he came down from his high, sweaty and pleasantly exhausted, but already craving the next time.

And even when he went limp inside, pulling out, Grayson’s head remained on her chest as she played with his hair, falling asleep to the sound of her heartbeat.

When morning came and her eyes opened, the night before was just a haze. An arm wrapped around her weights her down - it offers warmth, intimacy, a sense of belonging. It's there to remind her what she thought was just a dream - a deal she had made with her best friend that didn't have too much to do with the excuse she used but a genuine question she needed an answer to - what if she was always chasing the wrong brother?

After all, it was Grayson she met first, found handsome and sexy as hell enough to agree to cook him dinner in his own home. She wanted him to make a move so bad, to grab her and kiss her but he never did and Ethan wasn't shy about the attention he gave her. She was reluctant at first, holding off on agreeing to even a date with Ethan until she lost hope. So if Grayson didn't like her even though she had given him more than one chance to say or do something, Ethan did. She waited too long for him to stop her from going out with his twin.

He never did.

"Since you're vegan, I made you vegetable soup and pasta and a carrot cake, all vegan of course." She's perky, excited and a tad shy about the food she placed before him. The worry behind her eyes over his silence had alerted him to smile, widely and with heart.

"I love it." He exclaimed, making her give him a pointed look.

"You didn't even try it yet." She chuckled when he shrugged and started tasting everything.

"I love it and I tasted it all too!!" It was hard not to enjoy Grayson's company, it was all easy as breathing with him. Such a rare feeling in this world, yet one she promised herself would remain in her life in any shape or form.

And by the end of their dinner, it was already too late. Or so Grayson thought because the moment Ethan walked in and sat next to the girl he believed was on a date with, the atmosphere change had made Grayson dejected and he felt like the third wheel.

"Do you believe in love at first sight?" Ethan asked her and Grayson wanted to snort before shooing him away, especially when he saw Y/N look at his brother in disbelief.

"No." She replied, raising an eyebrow when Ethan suddenly stood up and left. Glancing at Grayson, Y/N silently wondered what the hell happened only to be interrupted when Ethan took the chair on her other side and flashed her a charming smile.

"What about second look?"

And when Y/N laughed out loud, first real laughter Grayson heard, it was for his brother, not him. Ethan was always the more charming one, the one who attracts girls without trying and soon after, he'd watch his brother take the only girl he ever wanted and he witnessed how he broke her heart as well.

But the night they just spent together reminded her of the sadness she felt when it became clear Grayson wouldn't be the brother she ends up with back then. She loved Ethan, still does, but it will never change that longing she always had for the younger Dolan.

Grayson felt her stir under his arm, his eyes fluttering open with a smile as he found his face is buried in her hair and the heavenly lilac scent invading his senses is hers. Memories of the night before had made his morning wood that much worse and while he wanted more than anything to just slide back in between her folds, he couldn't make things awkward in case she's changed her mind.

He still remembers when he found out she was going out with Ethan, not him, making him wonder if he was always just meant to be a bridge that binds them together. He wondered if he'd be able to watch them fall in love and maybe even get married, but it didn't feel like he has a choice.

"Can I talk to you about something?" He could tell she's serious and tormented about the subject at hand, confusing him from the start. It's only been three months since they met and she's become his favorite person within the first hour of knowing her but he feared she'd be bored of him soon and there wasn't much he couldn't handle, but that would definitely leave a mark.

"Sure." Instead of smiling, Grayson grimaced involuntarily, making her frown as she sat beside him, a little stiffer than she usually acts around him.

"It's about your brother." She started and Grayson groaned immediately.

"What did he do?!"

"He asked me out...again." She chuckled at the last bit, shyly looking at her fidgety hands in her lap, unable to meet his eyes.

"I'm thinking about accepting." She sighed, forcing herself to face Grayson, anticipating anger or a jealous fit, anything to prove he cares, yet all he did was swallow thickly, loud enough for her to hear as he scratched his forehead absentmindedly.

"Didn't realize you guys were getting so close." Grayson tried to remain calm, not to lash out because this girl is beautiful, funny, clever and while she's incredibly strong she seems painfully vulnerable and he didn't want to scare her.

"We're not, but he's persistent and I'm out of excuses." She shrugged, deciding not to tell him about the way Ethan makes her feel. It wasn't exactly the same as Grayson, but he was witty and charming and handsome and willing to actually love her and she couldn't wait around for Grayson to remove her from the friendzone forever.

"I'll tell him no if you can give me one reason not to do this." Hopeful, she placed her hand on his knee and waited for the youngest Dolan to speak up and claim her for himself. She waited for him to tell her he loves her and he never wants to be without her...hell, she'd settle for him saying he likes her, but he remained silent and Ethan arrived just in time.

"Hey." Ethan smiled widely, his arm outstretched as his hand opened for her to take and with a final glance, she turned to Grayson in anticipation of any action that would give her an excuse to stay. But nothing happened.

"Hey." She smiled back at Ethan, taking her hand from Grayson's knee and placing it in Ethan's hand reluctantly.

From that moment on, she promised herself to stop her silly fantasies about Grayson, to stop reading too much into his lingering looks or continuous touches and flirting and all the times he had made her heart skip a beat. She promised herself she'd give Ethan a chance and as she departed with him, she did not look back. And she wouldn't for the next ten years, but for Grayson that moment was different.

When her hand left his knee, the cold that settled in had left him craving that warmth for the next ten years - yearning for her touch as much as he does for a fresh breath of air, forever wondering what Ethan had that he didn't. And it wouldn't be the last time he sees them walking away together, the only difference is the distance between them as they do. With time, they grew closer, no longer simply walking side by side but they'd have their arms around one another, they'd kiss, or playfully push around or chase each other and laugh until they both cried. It happened slowly, but it took her away from him, piece by piece until she was truly happy with Ethan, her feelings real and her dreams changed to fit the man she's with.

"Morning." He whispered in her hair, careful just in case she's still asleep so he wouldn't wake her. However, the moment he speaks is pivotal for her, making her turn in his embrace a little too excitedly with a perky smile upon her lips.

"Morning." She smiles at him with glee, throwing her leg over him shamelessly as she brings herself closer to him.

"Woah. Thought you're not a morning person?" Grayson chuckles, his raspy morning voice making her horny all over again and she has trouble stopping herself from initiating anything again.

"Maybe I just had no one to be a morning person with." She challenges, but it only reminded her of Ethan, the grumpier twin that never liked mornings and could only ever be swayed into getting up earlier if she woke him up with kisses or possibly even morning sex.

"Interesting." Grayson raised his eyebrow, ignoring the implication of her words before his hand settled on her hip, finding his fingertips formed bruises.

"Fuck, did I do that?!” Pulling the covers off, Grayson scanned her body carefully with disgust for himself, ignoring her squeal. Despite being bold and freaky in the sheets the night before, Y/N couldn’t help the insecurities flooding her when Grayson got a good view of every single one of her imperfections under the unforgiving morning sun. She wondered if the disgust on his face is because of her belly rolls because she always struggled with her weight which also showed in the stretchmarks and cellulite some men found unappealing and she felt tears prick her eyes as his gaze lingered on certain parts of her body.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you. I swear I’ll be more careful next time.” Those words flew from his mouth before he had a chance to think of the implications. Next time means he wanted to be with her again, to take her as shamelessly as he did the night before but it also meant he was feeling guilty, maybe even remorseful.

“I’m not.” Interrupting his self-pity party, Y/N propped herself up on her elbows and smiled softly, her eyes taking his beauty in because as unforgiving as the morning sun may be on her, it’s definitely illuminating on him. The sun favors him for sure.

“I’m not sorry because you made me feel attractive, needed, loved. I’m not sorry because when you looked at me just now, it wasn’t because you wanted to see the weird moles I may have or the stretchmarks, but for possible signs you hurt me. When you only made me so, so happy.” Sitting up on her knees, her palms find their way onto his abs, trailing his skin with her thumbs as the rest of her fingers grab hold of him and pull him toward her.

“I’m your best friend and I might be carrying your child now. Trust me when I say that there isn’t anything I regret about last night. If anything, the bruises mean we had more fun than we anticipated.” She shrugs coyly, kinking an eyebrow until he finally bestows one smile upon her.

“It was more than just fun.” Grayson notes and she nods. She loved how his words disturbed the rhythm of her pulse. There was never a simple moment between the two of them, always carrying emotions too strong for them to ignore.

“I can tell. Your dick is sort of in my face.” She chuckles, glancing at his red tip already up for the job she absolutely hoped he’d take up.

Crimson cheeks that flushed with blood were enough for Y/N to realize Grayson feels too ashamed to ask so before he manages to say a single word, her tongue laps his tip and a strangled moan escapes him.

Smirking, a little braver, her hand wraps around his shaft, moving up and down with circular motion, her tongue teasing him as her best friend becomes undone, just as he did for her last night. She couldn’t help herself, desperate to hear his moans once again but to have him inside as well.

Pursing her lips slightly, she looks up with her doe eyes, moaning as she opens her mouth and lazily takes just the tip. She hollows out her cheeks around him, and he takes in a shaky breath. His breathing is fast, and she watches him as his eyes close and his head falls back, panting softly as she bobs her head up and down, trying to take as much as she can while moaning herself. Hearing him moan felt almost as good as sex.

“I can’t. You’re. Driving. Me. Crazy.” Grayson says between his shallow breaths, half thinking he should be looking for his inhaler instead of losing his patience. He teased her the night before and now she’s punishing him and he’s not ashamed to admit he doesn’t have it in him to persevere. So, when it feels like his heart will burst, Grayson pulls back before moving in on her without reserve.

“You think that was funny, don’t you?” His snappy attitude only makes it more amusing as she licks her lips and smiles, evident she had every intention of torturing him for a long period of time. Much longer than he could withstand.

“Next time you want to try that, make sure I’m tied down and unable to escape.” Grayson growls before pushing her back down on the mattress and she giggles because she got exactly what she wanted – for him to relinquish control and fuck her into the mattress like there’s no tomorrow.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” She winks as his lips hover above hers. He rubs his cock over her entrance, playing with the wetness, and she gasps and shudders when he rubs it over her clit.

“I’d be careful about starting games you can’t finish.” With that warning, he smiles arrogantly, and slowly pushes his head in. Kissing her hungrily, hard enough that she imagined he’d bruise her lips too.

She wasted no time in spreading her legs further to help him adjust. He slowly makes his way in, breaking the kiss only to let himself groan into the crook of her neck, pecking every inch of skin he could get close to. She was tighter than he anticipated, a little harder to penetrate than the night before but she was still willing as her patience resolved and she pushed herself up, switching their places.

A little wild and unexpected, but she made him fall hard. The view before him only made his breathing shallow, panting as she took it upon herself to impale herself fully until she cried out softly.

“Are you okay?” Grayson struggled to speak as his breath turned ragged, making her worry more.

“Should have trusted the speed you were going with.” She managed a smile for him, starting to move on top of him as his hands gripped her hips again and she whimpered when his fingers found their match on the bruises he left behind. However, as she moved, Grayson’s guidance became scarce and his grip weakened when his breathing got louder, enough to make her open her eyes and look at the stubborn man under her who valued pleasure over his ability to breathe.

“You need your inhaler.” She concluded, reaching over him to the nightstand he left it on last night since he needed it after they were done too.

Handing him the inhaler, Grayson took a few puffs before tossing it aside, flipping her back under him so quickly she squealed in surprise.

“Thanks, love. Now, let me have my way with you.” He thrusts fast inside her, pulling out halfway and pushing back into her, holding her hips with a strong grip. His strokes are getting more erratic, faster and harder than before. He pumps fast and hard, with reckless abandon for a few moments before his fingers make play with her clit, making her gasp and buck her hips up to meet every thrust he makes until it drove them to the edge of madness.

He grabs a fist full of the bedspread as he shudders, feeling her cum and scream his name pushing him over the edge as well, ending their insatiable desire for a little while – enough for them to eat something.

He plants kisses to the inside of her knees, and she giggles, pulling them away. He smiles at her, pulling himself up before collapsing beside her, both breathing heavily, happily exhausted as they stare at one another – sweaty, messy hair and lazy smiles on both their faces.

But then the phone rings, interrupting the moment of comfortable silence.

“Ignore it.” She urges him, but the incessant ringing is making them both nervous.

“What if something happened?” Grayson bites his bottom lip before reaching out to see who is calling, finding his mother’s name on the screen. After all, he didn’t come home at all and she had the right to worry about her son.

“Answer it.” Y/N encourages him, aware that she can’t hold him in that room indefinitely, though she wishes she could.

“Hello?” Y/N watched him nod, changing his facial expressions every few seconds.

“I stayed with Y/N. I really don’t want to come today.” Grayson rolls his eyes and Y/N slaps his arm for being rude, even if his mother couldn’t see him.

“No. I’m not. I don’t care.” Groaning, he tossed the phone aside, sitting up with his hands in his hair and a frown etched on his face.

“Everything alright?” Her voice is gentle, soothing, a comforting note in the mess his head’s in.

“Ethan and Kristina are having a lunch for close family and they want me to come and I really don’t want to go.” Grayson explains, sighing as Y/N drapes her arms around him, her hands clasping before him as she leans almost entirely on his back, her head resting on his shoulder as her face is turned to him, pecking his cheek.

“Go. He’s your brother. You should be there for him.” Y/N’s words make sense, but Grayson didn’t want to leave her alone. He didn’t want to spend a single minute away from her. Her touch kept him sane and the way her body fit his perfectly would haunt him whenever she wasn’t with him. He just knew it.

“Not without you. I…If we leave this room, it just feels…definite. Like, all the memories we made will have been for nothing and when that happens, you won’t be mine.” Swallowing thickly, Y/N understood perfectly what he means by that. In this moment, they’re in a protected bubble of their own and although they didn’t say it, it has nothing to do with the deal they made but actual feelings that had been long buried finally came to life. Leaving their bubble might make it all go away. She feared it too.

“If I agree to go…we need to talk first. Like…what are we going to tell them when I get pregnant?” She raised an eyebrow as his hands gripped hers, pulling them apart before swiftly pulling her under his arm and onto his lap.

“I want to say we dated. At least for a little while.” No. He wanted to ask her to date him now. He wanted to ask her to be his, but she said no strings attached and he had no right to go back on that unless she asked him to.

“Okay. But Ethan might be an issue. You two basically lived together.” She reminds him, trying to keep a faint smile present though she wished he’d just stop this nonsense and tell her he wants her.

Does he not feel the magnetic force they’ve been brought together with?

Does he not feel how they’re made for each other?

She wished she could go back and ignore the no strings attached clause in their little agreement because she wanted all of him, all the strings attached.

“We spent weeks apart. I’ll just say it felt awkward and we wanted to be low-key but the pregnancy caught us by surprise.” He’s making these lies up too quickly, too well for her to ignore and she can’t help but wonder how he became a good liar. The Grayson she remembers had always been easy to read but he felt different now.

“Okay.” She hums in response, struggling to ignore his penis brushing against her bare ass.

“I need a shower.” She states, noticing him wiggle his eyebrows. “What?”

“Wanna save some water and shower together?” And while he’s cheesy as hell, she couldn’t help but love it – love him.

“Mom, dad, this is Y/N. My girlfriend.” Y/N had been dreading this moment for months, ever since she realized Ethan is serious about her and his jokes about her meeting his parents were anything but jokes.

“You’re beautiful.” Cameron noted, furrowing her eyebrows before looking at Ethan. “How did you trick her into dating you?”

And while the day went off without a hitch, his parents loving her, Y/N couldn’t help but worry she didn’t really fit in. She worried they pretended to like her, for Ethan’s sake.

“She’s a great girl. Why are you so worried?” Y/N hid as she heard Ethan’s parents talk in hushed voices, realizing it’s about her and while it seemed she had the support of his father, his mother wasn’t as happy.

“She’s great. But I feel she’s more suited for Grayson that Ethan. That’s all.”

It’s been a very long time since the moment Y/N hid in the shed while she heard Ethan’s mother say she’s not confident she should be with her son. It was never that she didn’t like her, she just didn’t find her to be right for Ethan. She wondered how she accepted Kristina, if she ever thought she wasn’t the one for Ethan too. However, she remained grateful to his father for being her defender. He had faith in them and she still remembers Ethan telling him he would marry her one day.

But that never came to be and while it hurt yesterday, she felt at peace with that now. Grayson reminded her of things she forgot along the way and she couldn’t hold it against Lisa any longer because she was right – she wasn’t enough, she wasn’t the one for her son. But Grayson? She really hoped she would be.

“Ready?” Grayson’s voice broke her out of her trance, making her heart jump. Drawing in a deep breath, she nods before hooking her arm with Grayson’s.

However, when they got inside, they found there was no party at all.

“Ma?” Grayson called out for his mother but she wasn’t the one to appear.

“Our flight is earlier than expected.” Ethan leaned on the wall, eyeing the pair suspiciously. “The party is canceled. Mom went with Kris and Cam to buy some last minute necessities.”

Making brief eye contact, Y/N looked away swiftly to hide her true emotions. Ethan always said cheeky was good and allowed her the freedom to be herself. They laughed so much, even in the most inappropriate times, but of everything they ever did, it was looking in his eyes she loved the most. That's all they ever needed to connect, just them, just eyes, no words. So yes, she avoided his gaze like the plague.

“In that case, we should go.” Grayson clears the tension, hating how even after last night and that morning where he claimed her as his, Ethan could just look at her and she’d be lost to him.

“So soon?” Ethan quipped, pursing his lips because he felt something’s askew.

“Y/N’s going back to L.A. soon and I want to spend all the time we have together.” Grayson remarked, taking her hand in his before pulling her back with him, slowly but firmly.

“Have fun on your honeymoon. With your wife.” Grayson adds for good measure, reminding both Ethan and Y/N why it’s best they leave.

Taking her out of there, his hand on her lower back, Grayson made sure he was fast and he left no room for Ethan to make a play on her emotions.

“I’m fine.” She tells him before he has a chance to ask, basking in her glorious smile right after for she holds his hand tenderly and pulls him closer, her other hand grasping his shirt to pull him down and meet her brazen lips.

Without complaints, Grayson accepts her supple lips and closes his eyes to fully enjoy the moment, blind to more than one spectator for his mother, sister and sister in law arrived shortly as their kiss consumed them, but the pair paid no mind to the world around them as they parted and got into the car with one goal in mind – hotel room, no clothes and a lot of screaming and laughing for days to come.

Barely leaving the room, Grayson and Y/N enjoyed each other’s company. She had found herself happily nuzzled in his side regardless if it’s to steal a kiss, make him smile or simply to rest her head as they watch a movie. There appeared to be no limit to their attraction nor their need to taste each other. Grayson loved discovering every inch of her skin, as if he is mapping her body to commit to memory.

“Do you really have to go?” He whines, his face buried in between her breasts, leaving open mouth kisses along her sternum.

“I have a job to get back to. But you’re gonna be there in a month too and we’ll know if this worked or not by then.” She smiles as he huffs, playing with his hair – wrapping every lock around her fingertips.

“Don’t take the test before I come.” He pleads, but she agrees far too quickly.

“Unless I get symptoms, I won’t.” She sighs, looking up at the ceiling. “I wish I never had to leave this room.”

“Me too.” He whispers softly, looking up at her with adoration in his eyes. “I can’t wait to see you again.”

And while he said it would be a month when they parted with one last kiss at the airport, Grayson already started to scheme how to shorten that time and go see the woman he was convinced is pregnant with his baby. He felt it in his bones and he couldn’t wait for a full month.

So, he made different preparations instead – he made room for himself in the Los Angeles branch of the company he and Ethan ran from New Jersey, making sure he’d be there with her every step of the beautiful journey. And he had every intention of making her his, permanently, in that time as well.

Little did he know when he arrives there in twenty days, he’d find his Y/N on a date with someone else.

When he saw her hug another, his heart cracked and he felt his chest constrict. Grayson holds his breath behind pursed lips, his hands forming fists to stop the shaking. She wraps herself around him, too close for his liking and he can’t help but wonder if their time together really meant nothing to her at all. He had hoped she’d abolish the no strings rule, but he felt silly now. She’s gazing through her overly made-up eyes with her cloying vapidity, simpering softly until he tells a joke. Then she giggles like she's a child, slapping his chest playfully while Grayson is stuck in the background, watching her with someone new…or perhaps it’s someone old she never told him about.

He can't say anything about it, to do so will put their friendship at risk, and that is something he won't do. Friends like her don't come along too often. But then again, can he ever go back to just friends after he’s had her in every imaginable way? Friends don’t know how you taste and he knew every inch of her skin. He knew her.

Clearing his throat, Grayson decided not to be a bystander again. He would never sit back and watch her leave with another man again and if he has to, he will fight for her love. This won’t be history repeating itself – he vowed it before walking toward them in strides, to make sure the hug is the only intimacy they have time for.

“GRAYSON?!” Before he can even make his presence known, Y/N catches him from the corner of her eye as he approaches, pushing away the other guy in her excitement only to run straight for her best friend, jumping into his embrace unexpectedly enough to make Grayson stumble upon impact.

“OOf! Slow down, love.” Grayson’s jealousy subsides long enough for him to wrap his arms around her, pressing her closer until he can hardly breathe but air is the last thing he needs now. All he needs is her and that flowery scent of her beautiful hair as he’s once again buried in it.

“SHUT UP!” She yelled, making him wince because she quite literally screamed in his ear but he smiles nonetheless. “I missed you so much.” Whispering softly, she hugs him tighter and he’s certain his lungs are no longer able to expand but it feel so, so good to have her return the emotions he’s been carrying around. It was insufferable to be apart from her, but the feeling of having her back in his arms couldn’t be described by any earthly words.

“Should I go?” The stranger Grayson forgot about had spoken up, making Y/N’s eyes widen before her hold on Grayson relents and she’s stepping back a moment later with a shy smile upon her lips.

“Yeah. I think that’s best.” Pressing her lips together, she waves the man goodbye as he shakes his head in disbelief, turns on his heel and walks away and maybe it’s because Grayson expected an altercation or because he needed it for his own ego boost, but he was disappointed... And a little too happy he was her obvious choice.

“Come on.” Tugging him by his arm, Y/N drags Grayson inside and while she wanted to be the innocent best friend he’s used to, she couldn’t wait long before she had him alone.

“So, uh…Who is that guy?” Grayson didn’t waste time. While Y/N planned to toss her clothes aside and make his jaw drop, Grayson shrugged his jacket off and shoes next, starting up what she hoped he’d ignore. But then again, discretion was never his strong suit.

“Are you? Jealous?" She teased with a cocky smirk upon her rosy lips, drawing him near with every passing second. Rolling his eyes, he shakes his head. Would it be smart to come clean so soon?

"Maybe. It's just...weird." Gulping, Grayson pulls away, something he never imagined he'd do. Whenever she’s a part of the equation, he only ever saw himself being impossibly close to her but now? He couldn’t let her just blatantly ignore his concern.

"Why?" Her eyebrows furrowed as she frowned, praying she's hiding the hurt of rejection well enough not to be caught by him, the man who knows her best.

"Because you might be pregnant and I really want this pregnancy to be our time. To be just us." Pressing his lips together, Grayson drops his gaze, his mind made up though his heart isn't. "But if you want to date I won't stop you."

But she didn't want to. Not at all. She wanted Grayson and perhaps that's why she decided to tell a white lie.

“I never even kissed the guy. He’s got a thing for me, but he just walked me back after work. It’s nothing important.” But that wasn’t the lie she planned to tell.

"I lied. I took the test and it was negative." She promised him she'd wait for him and she did, but she can't risk losing him yet. She needs more nights lost in him, drunk on his cologne and sloppy kisses. She isn't ready to let him go.

"Oh. I guess we need to keep trying. If that's what you want?" Fighting a smile despite his initial disappointment, Grayson took one step closer as her encouraging smile warmed his insides.

"Guess we should. How about we resume here? Now?" The best relationships are often when people are not the same, yet complimentary, each bringing qualities that help the other. This felt like that – they had the important things in common but they have always been different enough to make their lives exciting. So when she cocks her head to the side, giving him access to her neck, Grayson is quick to respond and latch his lips just over her sweet spot, relishing in the moan it elicited.

But it didn’t stop that night. It felt like New Jersey all over again – every moment they could spend together was filled with romance, dates, stolen kisses in public and openly sensual kisses in private. He drove her mad with every touch while she put his worries at ease with every kiss. While she sought an adventure filled life he provides, he wanted a woman that made him giddy with every new sunrise by her side.

From their beach dates to the late night dancing barefoot in the kitchen, stargazing and dinners and movies, to driving around just screaming to their favorite songs like they’re teenagers again. They wasted so much time…So many years they could have been happy were gone, but neither would ever let another moment slip away. So they used the passing months wisely, catching up on everything.

“Can you come home?” She left the message on his voicemail, unintentionally calling her apartment home and to some degree it’s become one. Grayson never found a place to stay since he was renting the house he and Ethan used to live in and she never wanted him to. But today, she needed him. Though he told her he’s going to be in meetings all day, Y/N was hoping he’d see her message and drop everything.

Realizing how selfish her thoughts are, she shakes her head before sighing. Anxiously looking at the pregnancy test in her hand, she toys with the idea of taking it alone and surprising him with it later. She figured maybe it wasn’t really positive and she just ate something bad. Besides, she had some blood on her panties a few weeks ago and while it wasn’t a normal period, blood is blood. Right?

Luckily, she didn’t have to deliberate for long. They always joked about how Grayson could feel whenever she needed him but it always proved to be true. Even now, without even thinking twice about it, he had showed up for her with a box of chocolates she adored.

“What’s the emergency?” Grayson worried because every time he felt her distress in the past, he found her either heartbroken over a guy or there was a death in the family – even if that one time it was a pet fish she grieved for.

“Oh.” Swallowing thickly, Grayson found the reason before she uttered a single word. “Did you take it?” His curiosity was strong, but his furrowed eyebrows showed just how it put him on edge too. If she’s pregnant, does it mean they no longer need to sleep together?

Did it mean she was once again off limits? Deep down, they both hoped it would be a negative, just so they could keep up their no strings attached relationship without putting their friendship at risk but what’s the point?

Are they not past that stage? Neither of them has guts to ask. Not even Grayson, even though he’s always been great in communicating his feelings with her, if his actual feelings for her didn’t count.

“No. I wanted to do this with you. Plus, I threw up this morning…three times…because of chicken.” His eyes show the kind of gentle concern she’s unaccustomed to. He lays his hand lightly on her shoulder, and instead of flinching like she usually does with others, she’s soothed by it. He leaves his hand there and speaks with such a soft voice that his words calm her more by the way they are said than the actual words.

“I’m here. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be there. Whatever you need.” It feels as if she’s wrapped in a blanket of his caring. How could she be scared of losing him when he’s never once left her side? How can she not consider her actions now when she could see how profoundly they affect him too? He’s always going to be the one. Perhaps it was Ethan for her teenage self, the woman she forced herself to be back then but it’s Grayson now…maybe it always was.

“I love you.” She whispers, terrified when his face falls and his eyes widen. She can feel the fear in her chest waiting to take over. Perhaps it only wants to protect her from more pain but there really isn't any danger. It sits there like an angry ball propelling her towards an anxiety she just doesn't need. 

It’s Grayson, he won’t hurt her.

Or so she tells herself.

“I’m in love with you.” She clarifies, her lips quivering as she speaks and he can’t believe the words he waited his whole life to hear are finally spoken.

“I waited my whole life to hear that.” Grayson’s lips twitch as a smile creeps up on his face, removing the serious man he was moments before and he can’t help but giggle like a baby when she pecks his nose – quickly as if she’s suddenly shy before him, as if he doesn’t know her body, movements and even the slightest changes in her facial expressions. He’s always known her better than anyone.

“I love you too. So fucking much…for so long.” He admits, eyes filled with tears as she too starts to cry from happiness.

“And I’m pretty sure we’ll have a baby.” She adds, waving her hands before her face to stop her makeup from spilling down her cheeks, but her smile never falters. Her eyes hold so many emotions at once, but her smile has only one purpose – to make him forget about all the worries he carries with him in the outside world.

“Let’s find out!” She scrambles to her feet, running into the bathroom as he watches her in complete bliss, happiest he’s ever been. She’s closing the door slowly, teasingly, keeping her eyes on him all the way before they’re shut and he can’t help but laugh when he hears her open the tap, aware she’s got a shy bladder and him being able to hear her is making it harder for her to pee.

He finally had an inner happiness, one utterly independent of the outside world. She smiled like it burst from within instead of being worn like an obligation in the way others did and Grayson never felt as grateful as he did just now, aware her smile will be a permanent presence in his life.

“It’s done.” She walks out with a slight spring to her step, holding the stick in her hand and she couldn’t stop her impatient pacing around Grayson, not even when he tried to pull her down to the bed with him. All he wanted was to kiss her and calm her as she does for him, but she needed this freak out. He understood that.

Glancing down, she huffed before her mind registered what her eyes caught sight of. There was an explosion in her brain - the good sort, the type that carries more possibilities than she could be conscious of, but there were hundreds of ideas of the future in that buzz of electricity... she could feel it. It was the calling card of adventure, of paths awaiting her feet. Whatever was ahead could be a great challenge, and there could be tears, but it was her adventure to take and so she smiled. After all, she wouldn’t be alone.

“It’s a positive.” She let the stick fall as Grayson stood up with his own emotions bubbling to the surface, allowing him to sweep her off the feet. Littering her neck with kisses, Grayson spun them around as she squealed, holding on tight with her legs wrapped around his waist.

Had someone told her she’s be in love with a baby on road five months ago when she attended Ethan’s wedding, she’d laugh at them. Not too long ago, she felt herself break for his twin only to realize she was in love with the wrong twin all along.

That night was different. She always felt Grayson put his emotions in every kiss and every move whenever they had sex, but the tenderness of their emotions being out in the open with the happy news overflowing their senses, it didn’t feel like sex. For the first time in her life she understood what it means to make love – to truly love someone with every part of your soul. She always kept some of her heart and soul for herself in past relationships, even with Ethan, but Grayson stole every last bit of her and yet she felt complete, fulfilled like never before.

That night felt right. He felt right.

“What will you tell your mom? Ethan?” She trails her fingers up and down his chest as his hand remains over her lower abdomen, hesitant to move an inch away just in case he feels something even though he knew it wasn’t likely.

“That I love you and you love me and we made ourselves a little miracle.” Grayson takes her wandering hand in his free one, pulling the back of it to his lips. As he leaves a lasting kiss, she grins but the thought of telling people still made her reluctant to leave the bed.

“I’m scared. They might hate me.” She admits sheepishly, looking up at him only to see his frown deepen.

“Ethan is married and my mom loves you. Cameron misses you too. It’s going to be fine and if it isn’t, I won’t let them make you sad. I’ll protect you.” Pecking her nose to seal his promise, he narrows his eyes in thought.

“You know what? I’ll text them all in the family group chat!” Grayson jumps from the bed, using the momentary shock to get away from Y/N before she shrieks. “It’s gonna be painless! I’ll send them a photo of the positive test to prepare them!” His explanation made no sense at all, of course, but he was fast, too fast for her to stop him.

“THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW WE’RE A THING!” She screams, her head in her hands as she blinks fast, trying to understand why he’s doing this but it’s not hard to forget his continuous talks about wanting to be a dad their whole friendship. It was something to boast about for him, but she was mortified. She respected his mother and she felt it was something she should learn of in person, but he had a different idea.

“Fuck.” Grayson’s eyes widen, aware she’s right but it was too late. He had pressed sent before his mind could take responsibility and control over his body and it took exactly ten seconds for his phone to explode because not only did he send it, but he posted it online.

“Why are you pale? You’re literally changing shades!” Y/N jumped too, worried his mother was already freaking out on them but as she looked at his phone and the frantic attempt he made to hide what he’s trying to delete, she realized he had made the entire world freak out.

“GRAYSON BAILEY DOLAN!”

Within hours, their secret was out. Even if he wasn’t a YouTube star anymore, the fan base remained loyal and the photo from his Snapchat was everywhere.

“Shower and get ready while I book us tickets home. Your mom deserves a real explanation.” Y/N ordered as she put her hair up in a tail and he knew better than to argue. After the lecture she held for hours with several mutual freak outs, he knew it was better to be quiet and just be glad she’s not leaving his ass.

Kissing her temple, he was surprised she didn’t push him away as it was the first physical contact they made since his mistake spread worldwide.

“You’re letting me touch you?” It passed his lips without thinking, making her turn to him and her hands quickly found their way to his face, pulling him down to her lips. It was a short kiss, but a reassuring one.

“I’m not sure who you’ve dated but I love you and I’m not going to torture you, okay? You made a big fucking mistake but it’s not something I’d hold over your head. Just get ready.” As he disappeared in the bathroom and turned the shower on, Y/N planned to book tickets and get ready too, but fate had different plans when her bell rang in a few minutes and she opened the door only to have the shock of a lifetime.

Heart beating frantically, she tried to compose herself in order to hide just how upsetting it is to find him there without even calling first. She didn’t need him showing up at her doorstep now…had he done it eight years ago when they broke up after their two year long relationship, maybe then she’d be happy. Now? It was unsettling.

"Why are you here, Ethan?" She frowned, her eyes hard and her jaw set, no room for forgiveness in her but he had to try. Walking past her and inside, he licks her lips before opening his mouth again. He knew he had to choose his words carefully.

"I'm here for you." He could hardly speak, his mouth dry and his hands shaky, feeling like a teenager once again. She always made his insides turn with every look and every smile, but this felt different. She was his judge and jury and he sure as hell committed a crime against her.

"You have a wife, Ethan. You married the girl you told me not to worry about!" Y/N reminds him, memories of their undoing running through her mind.

"Oh, you're gonna kiss her?" Y/N gnawed on the inside of her cheek anxiously, aware this isn't exactly cheating, so why did it hurt? Why did it feel like betrayal? Whenever she looked at her photos, she envied her looks. She looked gorgeous, legs for miles and perfect smile Y/N admired but also envied. Ethan’s fans always made sure she knew how their thought her smile is hideous and after a time, Y/N believed them. She stopped smiling with her teeth, hiding it with her hand whenever she could, never aware of Grayson’s sorrow with every hidden smile. But this girl had the smile they’d like. It’s the first thought that haunted her.

"Just for the video. It's all pretend and she's not even my type, okay? I tried getting Grayson to do it, but he's adamant about being behind the camera. Babe, you have nothing to worry about." Brushing her hair back, tucking it behind her ear, Ethan cupped her cheek with a tenderness she had a weakness for. He had the ability to drive her crazy with such simple tricks and she hated him for it. But she loved the way he’d look at her with care, as if she was the only girl he could see.

And she was. Little did she know, Ethan never loved another like her. Not before her and not after, but at the time, he never imagined he’d ever have to look into eyes that weren’t Y/N’s. She had made him thankful for being alive, for every moment and memory they made together. Memories that would later torment him.

"You can even come to the set if it will make you feel better." Ethan offered but she refused instantly. If she’s so beautiful in the photos, Y/N couldn’t handle her in person. It would be too hard to see Ethan, the man she loves so much, locking lips with another, a girl more suitable for him as his mother said.

"I love you, but I can't trust myself not to go feral on her." Y/N chuckled, but she meant it. How do people do this so easily? How can you separate what’s real and what’s acting when you’re immersed in a scene and the other person? Would Ethan be able to? She was most afraid he’d fall in love with the leggy model and she’d be yesterday’s news like people speculated since they went public. Sure, they never specified which model but they sure as hell weren’t shy about shipping him with every woman in the world beside her.

A few months later

"Hawaii?" Not only is it her dream place to visit, but also a chance to be with Ethan and make beautiful memories, but timing was killing her. She wished to spend the mornings at the beach with Grayson and waking Ethan later when she’s all wet from the ocean and having sex in the shower after. She wanted to run wild in the nature surrounding them, to feel rain on her skin as he makes a declaration of his undying love. She wanted to watch the sun set in his embrace and go skinny dipping under the cloak of night.

"I really can't. My cousin is having that surgery and I'm the only family member around that can take care of her. Damn it." Letting out a frustrated sigh, she threw herself on the bed with a dramatic flare she picked up from him. If anything, it’s true that people in relationships appropriate each other’s behaviors.

"That sucks." Ethan followed her move, but he truly felt sad she wouldn't join the trip. After everything he's been through with his family and losing himself in the past year he finally started to see the light at the end of the tunnel yet she was never waiting for him there. He woke up one day, finally feeling better and saw the distance between them and he feared what it would turn into if they don't reconnect. He easily forgot all the months she didn’t leave his side and her listening to every rant he could produce or her forgiving him every time he snapped at her. She was always there, but his insecurities had started to flood him and he couldn’t help but wonder if she’s avoiding spending time with him. He wondered if she loved him at all or if she found him to be the safe option – routine.

"You won't be alone. Grayson is gonna be there." She tried to cheer him up, unaware of the real list of all the people that would be going as well.

"And everyone else from the video. Plus some other friends." Ethan listed but all she heard was that Kristina would be there. She hated how deep it cut whenever her name came up, especially after the video went public and EVERYONE loved Ethan and Kristina as a couple. They made edits, videos, tagging Y/N in too many of them for her to really see them all but she saw enough. They made sure she knew she wasn’t good enough and they’d never accept her fully. He was always too good for her. At least in their eyes.

It wasn’t easy spending a week without him, complete radio silence. Knowing he was with her made her blood boil and her imagination wasn’t merciful either. But when he returned to her, it was with a smile and thoughtful gifts. As always, she couldn’t stay mad at him.

Soon after, Ethan had come to her with yet another dream trip planned out.

"But all my finals are during that time. I might have a week off for Christmas and New Year's but I'm swamped."

"It's fine." Ethan shrugged, aware there's no reason to fight. "I'll send you a ticked if you change your mind."

"You'll have Grayson. It’s gonna be awesome." Pecking his cheek, she leaned on his shoulder, suppressing the hurt of his continued choices of trips she wanted to take at times he knew she'd be too busy. Maybe it was a way for him to distance himself from her as he had been a bit snappy with every time she couldn’t show up for some gathering. Sometimes, she wondered if he was aware she wasn’t handed the world on a silver platter – she had to work, study, and tend to her family and friends too. He was finally doing better and she was ecstatic for him, but she couldn’t be his whole world.

"Kristina will pick us up!" Grayson screamed from somewhere inside the house, involuntarily adding fuel to the fire.

"She's gonna be there?!" And all her worst insecurities had resurfaced. Not only is he leaving to a different continent for a month or so, but he’d be there with the girl the world wants him with and at a time they seem to be struggling. Does she trust him? Yes. Can she say she’s not afraid he might break her trust? No.

"She's Australian and she’s gonna be there. So yeah." Ethan shrugs, lost to how it infuriates his girlfriend. He never did see the warning signs nor the way his fans’ comments tore her down and slowly scrapped her confidence to nothing. He had watched her light go out without ever doing anything to keep it safe.

"Is there a reason you keep taking trips with her whenever you know I can't leave LA?" She crossed her arms, standing up as her anger bubbled to the surface and her jealousy began to show. Accusations thrown were proof enough their relationship is crumbling, loss of trust filling the cracks left by their lack of communication and as time went by, they allowed the cracks to grow too big.

"No, but you're gonna find one." He grumbled and she only chuckled in disbelief.

"Nice. Turn it against me. Make me out to be the bad guy."

"Look, I can't keep doing this. Your unfounded jealousy is driving me nuts and if you can't trust me, why are we together?" He raised his voice but kept his cool, noticing her arms fall at her sides. It’s exactly what she always feared…he’d find a reason to cast her aside. All she could think is when did he last cry because she was hurt, or come running because he thought she needed help? He used to be so attentive and she understood when he needed to be cared for after his loss but he never really cared for her after that. She became the one making efforts to heal him while her own heart and mind were breaking in the process.

"Are you ending this? Leaving me?" She stumbled over her words as her heartbreak sounded like an explosion inside, making her legs weak.

"I'm saying I need a break. To think. To remind myself why we fell in love in the first place. You were supposed to be the one who stood by me forever and instead you are so mentally fragile that you can't believe in me against the smallest of whispers. But I stand by my offer. I'll send you a ticked if you want one."

Looking back at it now, Ethan knew it was mostly his own insecurities and depression talking and he hung around Kristina so much at first because he felt like that's the only time Y/N shows she cares for him. He had no idea he'd fuck up so bad. He had no idea he was breaking her to the point of no return and that he’d lose her forever.

"I know. But say the word and I'll leave her. We can try again. We can be what we should have been back then!" The way he talks is through his entire body, using his hands, facial expressions, every tool he can use to convince her, make her fall for him again.

"Like the tickets you promised to send me back then? The ones I never got?" And then it dawned on Ethan. Grayson told him he'd handle it. He sabotaged them.

“I asked Grayson to do it…I thought you had them and just didn’t want to come.” Ethan leaned back on the wall for support, wondering why his brother would ever do that to him when he knew Y/N was his sun back then. And even after.

“Right. Nice excuse there.”

“I’m not lying!” Ethan exclaims, shaking his head. “I’m not even sure where he is, but when I find him, I’ll kick his ass before finding out who’s the poor sap that let him impregnate her.” Ethan’s jaw clenches as he takes a step toward Y/N who reacted on instinct when she stepped back, her eyes relaying uncertainty she feels and the slightest bit of fear once she feels the alcohol on his breath.

“Just stay there.” She’s shaky, her mind running with a thousand worries and none of them are giving her room to breathe. Placing a hand over her lower abdomen, she turns her body sideways to protect her unborn child. She didn’t think he’d hurt her in any way, but she didn’t know him as well as she used to and alcohol was never a peaceful companion.

“I just want to hold you.” Ethan croaks, stepping closer when Grayson finally shows up.

“Stay away from her.” Getting in between them, Grayson shields Y/N from Ethan, holding Ethan’s gaze long enough to allow her to slip aside and take a deep breath. While he’s still dripping wet with nothing but a towel hanging low on his hips, Grayson stood proudly before his girl.

“You’re here?” Ethan chuckles, but then his smile is erased when he takes a good look at them both. “You’re here.” He repeats, realizing the horrifying truth he guessed before but never quite believed it.

“Did you…did you impregnate the love of my life?” Eerily quiet, his tone is sharp and voice low, deep and rumbling as his anger clouds his vision.

“You mean the love of my life? You married your girl, Y/N’s always been mine. You took her from me and I wasted ten years of my life watching you take her heart before breaking it. I won’t ever hurt her like you did. Now get out and come talk to me when you’re sober.”

Nostrils flared, Ethan nods, gnawing at his bottom lip as he glances at Y/N and walks back. Hands in his pockets, he chuckles lowly before walking out, leaving the pair alone.

“Are you okay?” Grayson’s concerned voice quickly makes its way to her heart, allowing it to beat at a peaceful pace, once again with the one she loves.

“Yeah.” She manages before hugging him, hiding her face in his chest with new cloud of doubt in her mind…did Grayson really sabotage them?

Their flight was almost twelve hours later, missing the one she wanted to catch while they cuddled to calm down. It was mainly for her benefit and Grayson was happy to oblige.

She was quiet. When Grayson picked up their suitcase, she simply pecked his cheek as a thank you. When Grayson had to swerve to avoid a crash, wide-eyed as he asked her if she's okay, she placed her hand on his knee and nodded. When they sat for hours during their flight, she stared through the window and Grayson felt the lump in his throat grow with every passing minute.

Despite what she may think, Grayson heard a good deal of the conversation she held with his brother...the man she used to whisper I love you before him. Knowing Ethan wants her back and is willing to blow his entire marriage too had made Grayson revert back to the angry, doubtful, hesitant man he was when he first lost her to his brother and it hurt...it hurt that she chose Ethan who had his face but a vastly different personality. Grayson felt inadequate, unworthy, unlovable and to feel that way again, ten years later and when she's pregnant with HIS child? It was worse than before. Insufferable, absolutely soul-aching and tiresome.

Did she regret it now? Regret him and their unborn child? Did she hate him for not sending those tickets? Was she wondering what her life would be like if he had sent them?

Whether he wanted to or not, he certainly thought about it. Imagining them making up, staying together and getting married, his Y/N having his twin's children? It made him sick to his stomach. And frightened of the future, of the simmering fire in her mind as it uncovers every memory she has from that time.

And she did. For a moment, the thought of Ethan crossed her mind but she didn't linger too long on what could have been, rather on why. She wished she knew why Grayson did what he did back then and if he didn't intervene, would Ethan be sitting next to her instead? Maybe...but he isn't and she should ask Grayson for the truth but she knows he's insecure about her past with Ethan, even if he doesn't voice those concerns.

So, instead of rehashing the past, she gave herself time to get over it in order to protect Grayson from any hurt. She told him she loves him, she's carrying his child - isn't that enough to prove he's the one she wants?

"It's going to be fine." Grayson places his palm over the back of her hand that laid flat on her thigh. He could tell she's worried as her gaze fixed on the house he grew up in, overwhelmed with possible scrutiny she may face. He wouldn't let her take the heat.

Interlocking their fingers, he saw her lips quiver momentarily before she pressed them together, turning back to him with a reluctant nod.

"I know." Her heavenly voice eased his own anxiety, making him smile in return before their hands parted and they left the car.

And as they move inside, Grayson placed his hand on the small of her back, looking at her with admiration. He should be worried, but he can't find it in him to regret anything that happened between them in the past five months. The only thing he regrets is the time wasted they could have spent together.

However, the moment they walk in, their worry is replaced by utter surprise when they're met with a rather happy little group.

"Congratulations!"

Lisa, Cameron and her husband, Kristina and...Ethan, all clapped as Grayson and Y/N half embraced one another, Grayson's grip stronger to make sure she doesn't fall back in shock. He looks to Ethan for a moment, wondering how he got there so fast but decides to keep quiet. It's the best thing for everyone.

"Oh, wow!" Y/N exclaims, struggling to draw a proper breath as everyone cheers and though it's meant to ease her mind, it made her more confused.

"You know?" Grayson turns to his mother who nods, laughing.

"Since the wedding. We saw you two sneaking around!"

Cheeks red and eyes set on the floor, Y/N smiles awkwardly, finding it's even worse when they seem to be so accepting, especially after Ethan came to her door not too long ago, with an offer to leave his wife for her and now he had an arm around his wife's waist.

"Don't be so shy, you're giving me my first grandchild! Plus, you've been a part of the family for so long that I'm happy we are actually family!"

Going through motions, that's how it felt. Everyone's hugging her, kissing her, touching her stomach and all she can focus on is the unrelenting, piercing gaze of her former boyfriend. She'd glance around the room, simply to see if she's the only one that notices, but no one else picked up on the dynamic between her and Ethan. Even Grayson seemed oblivious.

"So, everyone is going off to bed." Grayson whispers in her ear, kissing her neck delicately as she smiles, leaning back into him.

"So, what do you suggest we do?" She raises an eyebrow, craning her neck to peck his Adam's apple, relinquishing control as he sways them lightly to the beat of their hearts.

"Maybe you could talk to me?" Ethan startles them, making their little moment end prematurely when Grayson really wanted to slow dance with her where he once saw his parents do the same. He thought it would be romantic, but he found himself ticked off instead.

"You need to stay in your lane, bro." Grayson warns, his face dark as he meets Ethan's longing stare - the one he wore since he met Y/N and he knew Ethan could see he was suffering yet he never cared, so why should he?

"I'll talk to you." Y/N, however, had a different idea. Perhaps it was time to talk, calmly without any bitterness inside her.

"You don't have to." Grayson reminds her, but she just nods, silent again as her lips touch upon his, barely long enough for him to feel anything before she walked away, outside where he feared he might lose her again.

He swore he'd never stand by and watch her walk away with Ethan or any other man again, but he found himself doing it once more.

"So, I'm not going to be the enemy forever?" Ethan leaned on the wall, his eyes alight with the lamp above his head.

"I'm here to close that chapter of our lives." She folds her arms over her chest, absentmindedly tapping her foot against the wet ground beneath her feet.

"Close? So it was open all this time?" Ethan's voice beckons her to respond, his regrets written on his face and he couldn't hide it at all. If he knew he had a chance at any point in time, he'd have taken it.

"Until I saw you get married, I had trouble letting you go." Y/N admits, looking back at the house and up at the room she and Grayson are meant to share is already illuminated by the lamp beside the bed.

"But not anymore. I love Grayson and I think a small part of me always did." Smiling, she looks back at Ethan who swallowed thickly, nodding with a heavy heart.

"Was any of it real? Did you ever love me or was I always the wrong brother? The one you settled for? Why does this hurt so much?" The way he bows his head, unable to look her in the eye is breaking her heart because once upon a time, Ethan really was her prince charming. It hurts to see him so consumed with the past they left behind long ago - the past that consumed her too, up until Grayson saved her from it.

"Because it was real. You stole my heart when I least expected it." The joy in her voice when she spoke about them made his heart break further and even the light her eyes held when she remembered the time he had made her so incredibly happy made him smile despite the pain.

"I loved you for a really long time, Ethan, but I can't lie and say that the main reason why I didn't say yes to you when you first asked me on a date wasn't Grayson. I buried those feelings for years and I fell in love with your beautiful soul and brilliant mind but you also broke my heart and damaged my ability to trust people and love. You found a really good woman, E. Maybe it's time you appreciate her and let me go." Pressing her lips together, she let out a heavy sigh as he kept his gaze steady on her, his eyes sparing no tears as they fall freely.

"Okay? You can love me and still let me go. Because I let you go. For good." And with that, she took a step back, walking back to the house and with every step she felt lighter, happier, while Ethan remained behind.

"You can get out now." Ethan spoke up once she entered the house, looking up at the roof where he heard his brother hiding. He always listened in to people talking as a kid, well...they did it together. He had a feeling Grayson wouldn't miss this talk.

Looking down, Grayson rolls his eyes, slowly moving himself down. He had to be careful or Y/N would kill him if he hurt his back. Maybe she'd kill him for being there at all. It occured to him she may see it as his lack of trust in her, but it was more about his fear of not being enough for her...thank maybe Ethan was still a fresh wound for her.

"You won. She chose you." Ethan says, kicking a rock with his hands in the front pockets of his sweatpants.

"I didn't doubt she would." Grayson shrugs, but he was never a good liar. Ethan could always read him.

"Riiight. Look, I'm sorry. I won't be doing any stupid shit anymore. I had my chance and I blew it and...Looking back at it, I was the one who stole her from you. Deep down, I knew you loved her but a part of me didn't care because I loved her too. I convinced myself she didn't feel the same for you but you two were always closer. She was so much like me, but she always found common ground with you. You made her laugh like I never could and if she's gotta be with someone else, I'm glad it's you."

Finally at peace, Grayson and Ethan parted ways that night as brothers once more. Ethan made his way to his wife, promising himself to show her love she deserves and Grayson? He went to his soulmate with arms wide open, a promise to be the best father he can be and if she allows, husband as well.

"How are you?" He whispers, his hand back on her stomach as she laid on her back beside him.

"Happy." She hums, letting out a heavy sigh.

"But?" Grayson knew that sigh and he knew her, she was holding out on him.

"I finally cut ties with Ethan, but I can't help myself...why didn't you send those tickets?" Looking up at him, she pondered if he'd tell her the truth but he had no reason to lie now, did he?

"Because he told me to send you tickets the same day I saw him kiss her for the first time. I didn't want you to come there and pick up on their shit only to be stuck in Australia for the holidays." Kissing her forehead, Grayson drew a shuddered breath.

"And maybe because I worried he'd find a way to convince you to forgive and forget." But Y/N felt this meant more. Did he think she'd do that this night too?

"You know I love you? Since you asked me to cook for you in return for a watch! And this...you and me and this miracle we made...it's everything." Turning to her side, she splayed her palm on his chest, over his heart.

"You gave me your heart Grayson and I plan to keep it safe for as long as I live."

"Marry me then."

He didn't expect her to agree, not ever let alone when he asked so spontaneously without a ring or a big romantic gesture. Her nails weren't done anyway to show off the ring as most girls seemed to like.

"Yes!" But she did. Enthusiastically so. Her lips smashed against his instantly, turning his brain to mush.

But that night was only the beginning of their relationship.

While their families wanted a big wedding, planning everything because Y/N only wanted the final word on the choices they make with an occasional “LET’S ELOPE” freak out, the pair spent time enjoying their love and the growing life inside Y/N.

"It's a girl." Y/N claimed, but Grayson didn't care as long as the baby is healthy. Ever since the first ultrasound when he heard a heartbeat, Grayson was impatient to meet the baby and became stubbornly overbearing with Y/N.

She didn’t mind…too much. She’d catch him staring at her as her belly grew, noticing how in awe he is of her, unaware he’s wondering how one so fragile and tiny could grow a human inside and actually bring it into the world. He wasn’t the type to sit back and let her deal with it – he got involved. Grayson listened to audio books on pregnancy, delivery and raising children every day while he built some of the things he wanted for the nursery, always when she was asleep.

They agreed to raise their family in Los Angeles, mainly because Grayson knows Y/N hates snow and the LA climate appealed to her more. But then again, he insisted he should have free reign on the nursery, building everything he can to make it special for their child.

With every passing month, he’d measure Y/N’s belly and note it, downloading an application that helped him keep up with the development.

“Sigh.”

“Did you just say sigh out loud?” Grayson couldn’t help but chuckle at his fiancé, smitten by her even though she was increasingly complaining of her looks – something he made sure to stop with unlimited compliments every day, loving her even when she was terrorizing him with pregnancy cravings and sleepless nights that came with her newly developed snoring problem. Grayson truly adored every part of this pregnancy, especially how horny she became.

“I’m bored.” Sheepishly, she puts her leg over Grayson’s, his hand reacting on instinct as it rubs up and down her calf, lightly massaging her aching muscles.

“The doctor told you to rest. So, you’ll do just that and I’ll be your slave as promised.” Grayson tried to reason with her so many times before, but every time he turned his back on her he’d find her up and about. She is stubborn, but very much ready to have the baby they decided not to find out the sex of.

“I know! But I want to take a walk and get ice cream and have reckless, rough sex without this huge stomach making it impossible. And I want a drink…so bad…but I want to breastfeed too! Oh, God, I didn’t think this through.” Hiding her face in the pillow…as much as she could without turning over on her stomach, Y/N cried out of pure frustration while Grayson rubbed her back and held her close.

Hormones in the last trimester weren’t as helpful as they were in the first two. She cried ten times a day, mostly over the silliest things like “The sun is so pretty” or “That shirt fits you so well” and even “Why do I have to pee again”. Regardless how silly it was, he’d never tell her. Her body is undergoing massive changes and all because she’s going to give him the greatest gift of all – a chance to be a father and start a family, to be a man he wanted to be.

But when her water broke just a couple of days later, neither of them were quite ready for it. While Grayson ran around the house, gathering things she’d need in the hospital he made a Pinterest board about, Y/N was trying to remind herself why she did this in the first place.

It’s all fun and games until the pain starts to set in.

“Oh, we should have gotten a surrogate.” She whined as he helped her in the car, thanking his lucky stars he had the keys at hand and didn’t forget them like Ethan teased him he would.

“You’re doing great, love!” He wanted to be calm and supportive, but even Grayson was screaming in a state of panic and he’d laugh if he didn’t find it quite tragic how he’s acting like a scared teen when he’s almost thirty.

“DON’T SCREAM AT ME!” However, he had to reel it in when she started to cry again, realizing he’s scaring her more. But as they got to the hospital and Y/N went straight to the delivery room, Grayson held her hand all the way through – constantly reminding her to breathe so the child could breathe too, guiding her as much as he could between the hand crushing squeezes she’d administer with every push.

Grayson felt like every fiber of his being was vibrating with anticipation. Adrenaline was coursing through his veins. His hands trembled and his eyes were wide. The moment he heard that first cry was also the moment he felt his life had begun and he never felt such gratitude to the universe that gave him Y/N, his soulmate, who was gracious enough to give him the love of his life. Or two other he’d get in the next four years – their rainbow babies - twins, a boy and a girl.

“You were right. It’s a girl.”

This world is quite astonishing, when you claw your way out of the mire of dysfunction. When you first look over the horizon and see nature without the haze of discontent and petulance. Without any filter, with the naked eye and mind open to the beauty of this world, amazement comes. When you see those simple things, when you can fall in love with the simplest things, everything gets so much better. The larger things become almost overwhelming, the sense of love so much stronger. It is then you realize that before you lived a half-life, greyed and without the warmth each human is born with.

Tags: @mendesficsxbombay​ @beinscorpio​ @peacedolantwins​ @godlydolans​ @dolandolll​ @heyits-claire​ @ethanhes​

Their Rainbow Baby - deleted scene

[hotchley]

the waiting game

Lol, my laptop is at 2%. Look, I’ll be back in an hour to do my masterlist, I just really, really need to get this done because it should’ve been done many months ago.

It’s fine. Umm... yeah, nothing else to say :)

Trigger Warnings: child abuse, references to child abuse, death threats from a parent, bombings

read on ao3!

Jason Gideon always told new recruits that certain things about their jobs got easier with time and experience. He told them their hands would remain steady when they fired a gun and that the noise would not always make them flinch. He told them they would get used to late-night calls and sleepless nights. that they wouldn’t always find it so difficult when the people they loved walked away, unable to handle not knowing what was going to happen.

A lot of things about their job got easier.

The waiting game only got harder.

Because you learnt things

Gideon had been on the team longer than the other members put together. he knew what happened when each of his members ended up in the hospital. He’d made a point of taking Reid each time, just so he could be sure his order of events was correct.

Adrian Bale meant he’d had six less agents to remember.

That was supposed to have been the last time Aaron Hotchner ended up in the hospital, unconscious and barely breathing. Gideon had vowed to himself that no matter how difficult it was, Hotch would make it home to Haley and Jack every night.

But he’d failed.

Aaron hadn’t wanted Elle going home. he’d taken her to the same hotel Haley was in. Elle had felt a little uncomfortable being in the adjoining room, but her discomfort quickly faded. Haley seemed used to looking after Aaron’s second family and Jack was still willing to be held by strangers.

He’d swung by her place to make sure it was safe.

It hadn’t been, but he was the best shot in the BAU. No, not just the BAU, the entire Quantico building. He was so good that when he demanded that they passed Reid with flying colours, nobody questioned him.

There had been- in his words- a small scuffle but he was fine.

Everyone was too exhausted to argue or even notice. But Gideon knew he should’ve said something. He’d known Aaron Hotchner since he had been dragged in by David Rossi, somehow bright-eyed and cynical at the same time.

He should’ve known Aaron was more hurt than he was willing to let on. He always was. and he should have realised before he sent him into another building that contained an innocent civilian and somebody that they couldn’t really profile. Somebody that they couldn’t plan the endgame of.

It felt like Adrian Bale all over again.

Only everyone had known Aaron was going to survive the moment he pulled the oxygen mask off his face, demanded to know who was representing Bale in his trial before passing out again.

Now... none of that could be confirmed.

He hadn’t been able to stay conscious enough to ask for Haley.

“Tell me what happened,” he asked again. Morgan and Reid had refused the other six times he’d asked them. Six hours Hotch had been in the hospital. He still wasn’t awake.

“Gideon this isn’t going to help anyone, least of all you,” Morgan sighed.

“Tell me,” he demanded.

“He was carrying Rebecca out of the building because it was on fire. Then he suddenly dropped her on the grass and keeled over, one hand pressed to his side. Morgan grabbed Rebecca, got her out. I tried to help Hotch, but he told me to run. And I did. And then the building exploded and-”

And that was when he’d got the phone call from Reid. Morgan had phoned the ambulance the moment Hotch fell. Reid had phoned Gideon, barely able to string two sentences together. It was as though his eidetic memory and IQ had just been taken from him.

Reid looked away, unable to say another word. His cheeks were stained with tears, his foot-tapping the only comfort he was able to provide himself.

“He wouldn’t have got hurt if I’d gone home,” Elle whispered.

“You can’t blame yourself,” JJ murmured, but she sounded distant. Like she was trying to stay in liaison mode but couldn’t. She hadn’t even been with the BAU for a year the last time Hotch had ended up in the hospital. She’d been terrified then. Now she just looked tired.

“You shouldn’t blame yourself,” Gideon added, wishing he could see what was going on. But the door to the room Hotch was in had been closed, the curtains pulled around. “If you’d gone home, in the state you were in, you wouldn’t have won. It’d be you in there, and Hotch would be pacing outside blaming himself.” Besides, he thought to himself. The only person that should be blaming themselves was him. He was supposed to have Hotch’s back. He was the one that was supposed to be able to read all his tells without even having to try and profile him.

Hotch was still in surgery. In all the cases that had ended with Hotch landing himself in the hospital, the surgeries had been minor. When Adrian Bale had struck, he’d spent four hours in surgery. In Gideon’s opinion, the injuries sustained from that had been more serious.

Hotch had been in surgery for six and a half hours. That didn’t fit the pattern. It didn’t fit the pattern and Gideon knew this time that it wasn’t a good thing.

 “You shouldn’t blame yourself either,” a soft voice said from behind them.

“Haley,” he whispered.

Haley gave them all a hesitant smile. It was clear she’d been sobbing and was only being held together by the thinnest thread. “How are you all holding up?”

The laugh Garcia let out was slightly hysterical. “Mrs Hotchner, we’re not important. You are. So is your husband. How are you doing?”

The corners of her mouth turned downwards. “I don’t feel like it’s hit me yet. I’ve known for a very long time there’s a chance he won’t come down and I’ve always prepared for that, but it just doesn’t feel real. I keep expecting him to walk out that door with his arm in a sling and a goofy smile because of the pain medication.”

“We’ll be here when it does hit. And we’ll help in any way we can,” JJ promised.

Haley nodded, shaking as she wrapped her arms around herself. “I know. Aaron always said that he wasn’t afraid of dying. Not when he knew his team would be there to tell Jack stories and stop me from resenting the only piece of him that I would have left.”

“Where is the little one?” Morgan asked, both to lighten the mood and to change the subject. They’d never realized how much Hotch loved them all. How much he trusted them.

“With my sister. We didn’t- after Boston- oh my god, it’s just like Boston isn’t it? He’s going to, he won’t- I-” she whimpered, the dam finally breaking.

It was Garcia that reacted first. It was a stark contrast, Penelope’s brightness against the subdued pastels of Haley’s pajamas- and Gideon wanted to be sick, she must have been ready to go to sleep when she got the phone call- but it was needed.

When Garcia pulled away, not quite letting go, Haley wiped her eyes.

“I’m sorry. It’s just, after Boston, we agreed that Jack- we hadn’t picked his name then, god it feels like yesterday, that we wouldn’t let him see us in the hospital. We wanted to let him believe his parents were invincible for as long as possible.”

Gideon knew that promise. he also knew that Hotch had promised to step down once Gideon returned. He had been selfish when he’d asked him not to.

“He’ll make it out,” Elle said.

She hadn’t witnessed Adrian Bale’s attack on Gideon. That’s how she was able to stay so positive. But everyone else had. They’d watched as twenty-two civilians had been taken hostage, as Hotch had gone into the building to try and negotiate with him, despite Gideon explicitly forbidding him to do so because Haley was waiting at home for him.

That was the one and only time Hotch’s anger had been directed at a member of the team. His eyes had darkened, his voice pitched lower than they’d ever heard it. He’d looked Gideon in the eye, no longer the scared recruit, and told him to go fuck himself.

He’d walked into the building. Without a vest. The only weapon being the gun in the holster that was attached to his belt. One of the hostages had been forced to take it from him. Aaron had given them the same encouraging smile he gave to all the victims they saved, to all the distraught family members that were scared of being the cause of their loved one’s end. 

Adrian Bale had taken one look at him and laughed. That had thrown Hotch off. He had thought that seeing the lead profiler of the elite BAU team would make him sweat and give him what he wanted. He said as much.

Adrian Bale said that when he looked at Aaron Hotchner, he didn’t see the lead profiler or bad cop. He didn’t see the head of the Seattle field office or one of the best shots SWAT had ever seen. He didn’t even see the hotshot prosecutor he’d began as.

Aaron asked him what he did see.

Bale’s response haunted everyone. He said he saw a boy too afraid of his own feelings to ever truly love anyone. He said the only reason Hotch had walked in was because he was too much of a coward to leave his pregnant wife but if he died in the line of duty, well that was different. He said Aaron loved Jason Gideon and all he wanted was his approval.

The camera was grainy, but the tremble in Aaron’s hands was unmistakable.

Morgan had tried to run in. It was Gideon’s arm that had stopped in. It was Gideon that had said they needed to wait to get Hotch out. It was Gideon that had misread Aaron’s body language and sent six of his best agents in.

They didn’t need eidetic memories to have the look of complete fear on Gideon’s face when Hotch was blown away branded in their brain forever. Or the scream he’d released when they finally uncovered the body, the rise and fall of his chest barely noticeable. Or to remember how Haley had arrived two days later because of problems with flight bookings, face devoid of any colour, the swell of her stomach a stark reminder of everything that would be lost if Hotch didn’t pull through.

Elle Greenaway only knew SSA Hotchner: the man that stared down unsubs, barked orders at everyone, carried a back-up weapon because he was just that good and never smiled. She didn’t know him as Aaron, the man that hated hospitals so much that every time he regained consciousness, the doctors had been forced to sedate him for his own benefit. Or that the only person that had been able to touch him was Haley, his mouth trying to form her name but never making it past the first syllable, despite all his years of spinning stories to a jury.

Or that the only reason Hotch carried a back-up was because very few people would notice it was there. John Blackwolf had thrown him off, made him doubt again. Gideon had found it difficult to convince him everything was fine, so he didn’t. He just dropped him home to Haley and watched from his car as Hotch became Aaron, falling apart in Haley’s arms.

“I know,” Haley whispered, pulling Gideon from his memories. 

“Would you like anything to drink? I can go and grab you a coffee if you want,” he said, needing to do something other than watch his team fall to pieces. Aaron was the one that sat and reminded them they were human, that it wasn’t their fault. It was the reason they would call him mom. Gideon was just there.

Haley shook her head. “I want you to be here. In case you’re needed.”

Because of course he would be. Haley Hotchner was Aaron’s wife, so she was automatically listed as his medical proxy. But Aaron never wanted her to be burdened by his job any more than she already was. Which meant if something happened in the field. the doctors were to automatically defer to Gideon. Haley was consulted if it was something non-case related.

“Of course,” he said, as though it was the simplest thing in the world.

“Excuse me? Are you all here for Aaron Hotchner?”

“Yes,” Haley said, the first to find their voice as the profilers tried to work out whether the news they were about to be given was good or bad.

“He’s out of surgery, there were no complications there and we’ve got him through the worst of it. But he’s still not woken up, and his breathing is shallow, hence the reason we haven’t taken him off the ventilator yet. So as much as we want to hope for the best, I want you to understand there is a chance he may not make it. His body has been put through a lot in the past year.”

Gideon did not want to think about every injury Hotch had been forced to suffer through since returning. The collar of his shirts had never quite hidden the bruised skin where Perotta had touched him.

“Can we see him?” Haley asked. She looked so young. So vulnerable. Gideon swallowed. She’d never been forced to hide her emotions the same way Hotch had. She’d never been afraid of being profiled. He doubted she ever had been, Hotch was too honourable.

“My colleagues are still treating him. I think it’d be better if we waited until he woke up. You should all get some rest, you look exhausted.”

Haley shook her head. “I’d like to be here.”

“Of course,” the doctor said, turning on their heel and walking away again.

“I’m just going to phone Jessica and ask her to keep Jack for a little longer,” she said, voice trembling.

Everyone nodded and chose not to comment when Haley vanished for ten minutes, returning with red-rimmed eyes.

“He trusted me to save his life when I hadn’t even passed my gun qualification,” Reid said suddenly.

“I know. He told me about that. He said he knew you could do it, that it would just take a bit of a patience and maybe an extremely stressful situation. Apparently, you do your best work under intense terror. Not that he wanted the two of you to end up hostages He also blamed himself when you didn’t pass. Thought he’d scared you so much when you were practicing that you got in your head and just forgot everything, even though that’s impossible,” Haley responded.

Reid’s head jerked up in response. “He actually said that to you?”

Haley nodded. “He tells me about all of you. He sees Sean- you met him didn’t you, yes you did- in you. You’re both young. Got the whole world to explore and yet you chose to do the one thing nobody expected.”

“I bet he always has bad stories about me,” Morgan teased. 

“He trusts you. More than you think he does. And he wants you to trust him as well. He doesn’t listen when I say you do; you just show it in a different way. All you profilers show things in a different way. That’s what I’ve learnt. That there are some things you will never see the same way.”

“What does he say about me?” Elle asked, genuinely curious. She’d only met Haley in passing; the day they bought Jack in. And the time they’d spent in the hotel could hardly count.

“A lot. He’s scared this job is going to take your sense of humour away. He thinks that you’re going to wake up one day and hate him for letting this job consume your life. He worries about all of you though.”

“He worries about all of us?” that was JJ. 

“Of course. He thinks that he’s taking your chances at happiness away from you by calling you in at ungodly hours, disrupting your vacations, making you look at what happens to happy couples and innocent children- I really shouldn’t say anymore I just always assumed you knew.”

“We don’t profile team members,” Elle said, slightly defensive.

“I didn’t think you did. I just assumed he spoke to you,” Haley said, but there was no accusation in her tone. Just the smallest amount of surprise and confusion.

The members of the team started staring awkwardly in various directions, suddenly aware of how little Hotch actually shared with them. Only Morgan had even known Sean existed, and that was only because he’d knocked on the office door that one time.

Loud shouts from the room Hotch was in drew their attention. Everyone immediately stood, Haley and Jason moving forward so they would be the first person the doctor spoke to. They were too far away to determine the specifics of the conversation, but from the volume and range of voices they could hear told him it was a group of doctors and nurses.

The shouting stopped soon after though, and Gideon immediately knew that the silence could only mean that Hotch had been sedated. A part of him was glad the other man had woken up, but he was mostly wondering it that was the last time it would happen.

A few minutes passed. Garcia was humming to herself. Morgan was sat, staring at the wall, eyes glazed over as he ran through every moment that led up to the explosion. JJ was biting her nails. Gideon wanted to tell her to stop but he couldn’t. That was what Hotch did. Haley tugged her hand away and grasped it. Elle placed her hand on Reid’s knee. He stopped tapping his foot, looking up at her with the same confused look he wore when someone referenced pop culture. Elle smiled slightly. Gideon stood to the side. He didn’t deserve them.

The same doctor as before exited the room.

“He keeps asking after his father,” she said. 

Haley immediately jumped out of her chair and went over before Gideon could get a single word out. Hotch had never mentioned his father after ending up in the hospital. Sometimes he asked if Sean was safe. Most of the time he asked for Haley. Never once had he mentioned his parents. Jason did not know whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, but despite every part of him wanting to hope, he knew he was aware of the answer and that he was just too cowardly to admit it

“You have to let me in there,” she said.

“Mrs Hotchner with all due respect-”

“No. I know my husband’s medical history. You can’t keep sedating him, not when he needs to be conscious to answer your questions and not when there are only so many drugs his body can handle. But he isn’t asking after his father because he loves him. He’s asking where he is because he thinks he needs to work out how much more time he’s got before he needs to start pretending again. Let me in there, and he’ll cooperate.”

The doctor seemed to understand that there was no way they’d be able to win that particular battle. They sighed, then extended one arm to the door. Haley ran into the room, everyone else congregating outside.

“The painkillers will wear off in a few minutes,” the doctor told them all.

Haley nodded, immediately going to kneel beside Hotch’s bed, gently taking one hand and holding it tight, He was paler than anyone had ever seen him. His stomach was a mess of bruises and burns, some recent, others marks from a childhood that never should have happened.

Gideon watched, tears forming in his eyes. Hotch looked younger with his eyes closed. The pressures of the year seemed to fade, only to be made even clearer by the damage not covered by the hospital gown.

“Why isn’t he waking up?” Reid asked, five minutes later. His voice was shaky.

Haley’s grip tightened minutely. “Baby?” she whispered.

Aaron didn’t move. His heartrate remained steady, the beeping of the monitor the only sound that filled the room.

The doctors and nurses were preparing to do the rest of what they needed to do. Gideon felt his own heart slowing down. Aaron’s heart was beating but his eyes weren’t opening and the rise and fall of his chest was a shallow as when they’d first found him after Bale and none of this fit the pattern-

“I didn’t mean it, I swear, none of this was supposed to happen-” Aaron murmured, head rolling to the side.

Haley gasped and let go of his hand, just for a moment, before she realised what she’d done and grasped it again. “Aaron?”

Aaron’s eyes fluttered open.  He struggled to keep them like that. “Where am I?” he whispered, southern accent coming out slightly.

That fit the pattern of his recovery.

“Mr Hotchner, you’re in Lockhart Hospital. Can you tell me your birth name and date of birth?” a nurse asked, voice firm but gentle.

“Hospital? No, I can’t be in the hospital, he’ll find me. He said he’ll kill mama and make me watch but I swear I didn’t come here myself, where is he, I can’t let him hurt them, I can’t-”

One of the members of staff prepared an injection.

“Don’t,” Haley warned, shifting closer to him.

“Mrs Hotchner-”

“Just a moment. I promise. Hey sunshine. It’s me. It’s Haley. You’re safe, I promise. He can’t hurt you. He’s dead now. He’s not here, and nobody is going to hurt you. Everybody just wants you to get better. Your team are here. You remember them right? Agent Gideon, Doctor Reid. Garcia and Morgan and JJ and Elle? Yes, you remember them. Well they’re all waiting for you to recover because they love you. I love you too. And nobody is going to hurt you. Do you understand?”

“Haley?” Aaron whispered.

Haley nodded. “I’m right here sunshine. And I’ll be right here when you’re ready to recover. So take a deep breath with me, that’s so good, I’m so proud of you sunshine, just keep doing that. Are you going to close your eyes? Okay. Just please wake- when you wake up, remember that you’re safe. Can you do that for me?”

“Safe,” Aaron repeated as his eyes closed, unable to take the pain he must’ve still been in.

Haley didn’t let go of her husband. 

One of the nurses tapped her shoulder then quietly asked if she’d be okay waiting outside as they prepared the room for the next time he woke up, as they were no longer keeping him sedated and he seemed to be breathing himself, which meant they could move on.

Haley nodded and let go of Hotch’s hand. When she faced the team, Garcia immediately embraced her, and she started crying again.

“Let’s go back to the waiting room,” Gideon said, unable to handle the sight any longer. Garcia didn’t let go of Haley, choosing instead to wrap her arm around her as they left. 

“When Aaron was seventeen, his dad broke his arm and then refused to let him go to the hospital. He passed out in the middle of a lesson the next day and the school were forced to call an ambulance. He didn’t become coherent till they got there, and he wouldn’t stop screaming. I’d snuck in and was the only person he wouldn’t flinch away from,” she said once they’d all sat down.

Elle’s jaw dropped. Garcia started crying herself. Morgan looked away. JJ and Reid grabbed each other’s hands. They’d all assumed something had gone on in Hotch’s childhood- he never spoke about his family, he was always rougher with unsubs that they profiled as being abusive fathers- but there was a difference between making the inference and hearing it from the person that knew him best.

“He’s lucky to have you,” Jason commented.

“Allowing him to feel his emotions and letting him know that he’s safe is doing the bare minimum,” Haley said.

He didn’t have a comeback to that.

Thirty minutes passed before the doctor came back. It was good news. The profilers could tell. 

“He’s awake and stable enough to receive visitors now,” they said.

Everyone jumped out.

“Go on,” Gideon said to Haley, who dashed into the room and hugged her husband.

He made a small sound of discomfort, but still tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. “Hi Haley,” he whispered.

She laughed, sitting on the bed beside him. “You’re okay.”

He nodded. “Yeah. I’m okay.”

The rest of the team filed into the room. Reid looked ready to cry again.

“Spencer, you cannot blame yourself. I told you to run because I wanted you to, and if you hadn’t, I’d be furious at you for always trying to be the hero. Elle, the same goes for you. I took you to the hotel. Nobody asked me to go to your house, so stop looking at me like I’m about to break. I’ll be fine,” he said. 

Hospital painkillers had always made him lose his filter.

Garcia started laughing. “I’m sorry, it’s not funny, but sir your accent is coming through and it’s so hard to take you seriously when you’re laid up in bed with your hair all mussed and your accent but you’re still trying to tell them off and, it’s just, it’s confirmation you’re going to be fine.”

Hotch gave her a grin. Haley ran her hand through his hair, messing it up further.

“Thanks Hotch,” Reid said. He rocked on the balls of his feet for a few moments before muttering something that sounded suspiciously like fuck it and he too went and hugged Hotch. Haley shifted slightly. Hotch raised his arms to wrap around Reid’s back.

“Everything will be fine,” he whispered. “I promise.”

Reid pulled back with tears in his eyes but a smile on his face.

“No more close calls like that. You hear me?” Morgan chastised, patting Hotch’s shoulder.

Hotch rolled his eyes. “You aren’t the boss of me Morgan. I’m the boss of you.”

“Aaron,” Haley said.

He blushed, making everyone laugh. “Fine.”

The women of the team came over. Elle gave him a quick one-armed hug, whispering in Spanish so the rest of the team didn’t understand. Hotch wiped his eyes when she went to stand by the others. JJ hugged him gently, saying that he didn’t get to terrify them like that because he was mom and they needed him. Garcia’s heels made a comically loud sound as she walked over to him. 

“You are the most self-destructive unit chief I know. But you’re also the most handsome, loving, sweet one as well. And I know you won’t stop putting your life on the line for our baby genius and chocolate thunder so let’s compromise: you can do dumb and reckless things but you’re not allowed to complain when we pamper you afterwards, okay?”

Hotch blinked a few times. “Sure Garcia.”

Garcia hugged him again, pressing a kiss to his forehead that left a pink mark behind. Haley laughed, which led to the analyst immediately shuffling over to the rest of their rag-tag family.

Gideon watched from the doorway as the rest of his team and Haley sat with Hotch, laughing and joking. He couldn’t bring himself to walk in there and comfort Hotch. Not when it had all been his fault. The team had saved an innocent girl. Hotch had pulled through again. There was a high that came with that, and he wasn’t about to ruin it for any of them.

But what happened when the high ran out?

 Elle would realise her leader wasn’t the stoic man she once thought he was. Spencer and Derek would be forced to help Hotch pour his coffee and climb the stairs to his office because he couldn’t do it alone but he didn’t want to ask. Garcia would go home to an empty apartment, wondering which one of her family she’d almost lose next. JJ would have to deal with the media fallout of the case.

Haley would hold her husband, wondering how much more he would be able to give to his job before he broke. Before it broke them. Aaron would have more scars that he’d never be able to recover from.

Gideon would be forced to watch as they all returned to work, scared fractured but incapable of walking away. David Rossi had always said there would be people waiting in the wings to take over, but Gideon didn’t agree. Only the people that had seen the depths of depravity were willing to put themselves through the horrors of profiling.

Aaron looked up and met Gideon’s eyes. He looked terrified.

Gideon smiled. He had to.

But he knew. 

He knew Elle would break. He could see she was already struggling with the guilt. He knew that one day, probably soon, he wouldn’t be able to look at his team without seeing their scars or the people he’d failed.

He knew Haley wouldn’t be able to handle her husband’s job forever.

Jason Gideon knew that each member of his team would fall in their own way. He did not know whether or not they would be able to get up. He did know, however, that it would be another round of the waiting game.

And it would only get harder. 

[themurphyzone]

Pinky the Snowmouse Ch 2

AN: I’m glad people like this idea so much. Sorry for calling you ugly in the last chapter, Brain. You’re adorable and I love you.

Ch 2: A Jolly, Happy Soul 

AO3 Link

Brain laid on his back in the cold snow, staring up at the snowmouse that was now moving and talking so fast that not even his logical mind could comprehend anything he was saying. 

“Happy birthday! Or happy early or belated birthday! Sorry, I don’t know when yours is!” the snowmouse exclaimed as he danced around with his stick arms in the chilly December air. He pirouetted and sashayed with ease, like he hardly weighed anything at all. 

“Surely, I ate a bad food pellet. Or a piece of moldy cheese. Perhaps indigestion or a nutrition deficiency,” Brain murmured. He didn’t bother getting up. His mind was overstimulated and he just needed the snow to numb his neurons. 

“I’m alive! I’m actually, really, truly alive!” the snowmouse trilled in a strange Cockney accent. “Egad, I can dance the Macarena and sing Joy to the World! Joy to the world, narf narf narf narf! Oh...well, I could sing if I knew the rest of the lyrics. But I do know the continents! There’s Antelope, Liverpool, Gobbledegook, Aloe Vera, Recess, Narnia, and Char-ooh, are you making a snow angel? That’s brilliant! I’ll make a snow angel too!” 

The snowmouse flopped down next to Brain, spraying snow everywhere as his limbs and tail flailed in every direction. 

Brain inclined his head towards the strange entity, shielding his eyes from the onslaught of snow. He expected the snowmouse to sink into the ground, leaving no trace of his existence behind. 

But the snowmouse didn’t disappear. 

“Well, there’s my angel!” the snowmouse said, blithely hopping to his feet. “Lovely, isn’t he? Anyway, let’s see yours!”  

The snowmouse had left an imprint behind. Brain could only stare at the newly formed snow angel. He didn’t move. He hadn’t yet determined if the imprint was real or if it was just an illusion. 

“Er...do you need instructions?” the snowmouse asked. “It’s really easy. All you have to do is swish your arms and-” 

“I don’t require instructions for such a frivolous concept!” Brain snapped as he leapt to his feet and pushed past the snowmouse. “And certainly not from a geographically challenged lump of frozen water.” 

He grabbed the string that was attached to the windowsill and hauled himself up, intending to go back into the lab and continue his plans for world domination. But a stick arm grabbed hold of the string just above his head, stopping him in his tracks when he was just a few inches off the ground. He clung to the string, glaring at the snowmouse who refused to leave him alone. 

“But I can play and move and talk just like you,” the snowmouse said quietly. His earlier playfulness vanished, an odd tinge of hurt in his tone. 

“Because you’re nothing more than a hallucination,” Brain replied. “Either from sensory deprivation or dehydration. Both conditions could potentially cause vision disturbances.” 

The snowmouse wiped his eye, several ice crystals collecting on the tip of his finger. But it was the high-pitched, broken whimper that made Brain pause when he was halfway up the string.

Could hallucinations make those noises? It sounded agonizingly real. 

And the snowmouse was still holding the string, which made it strangely easy for Brain to climb up without exerting himself too much. 

He wasn’t sure what compelled him to slide to the ground instead of going inside, but perhaps the snowmouse deserved a chance to prove his existence. 

“Listen, I’ll give you an opportunity to prove that you’re corporeal if you’ll stop crying,” Brain sighed. He hoped that would do the trick. He’d never been great at stopping tears.  

The snowmouse dabbed his eyes with his scarf, looking rather confused. “But I’m not in the military.” 

Perhaps the migraine he was currently developing was proof enough. 

“That’s a corporal, and this test has nothing to do with the military,” Brain explained. He pointed to the string in the snowmouse’s hand. “Tug that as hard as you can. If you’re real, the string will follow the laws of physics. If you’re not, the string won’t react at all.”

“Tug o’ war with the window latch! This’ll be fun!” the snowmouse exclaimed, his twig tail perking up, even though it lacked the proper musculature to behave like a real mouse tail. 

It seemed his emotions changed as easily as water. Flowing from joy to sorrow, then back to joy. 

The snowmouse took hold of the string. “One, ninety-six, three hundred and nine!” he called, yanking the string so hard that there was a distinctive snap, and the end that was attached to the latch fell to the ground.

Though part of Brain wanted to blame it on the wind, logically he knew the wind couldn’t have caused that snapping noise. And the frayed tip could only result from a sufficient, deliberate force applied from the opposite direction. 

There were no other possibilities to explain what he’d just seen and heard.

Which meant…

“You’re actually real,” Brain said breathlessly, unable to take his eyes off the frayed string. He touched several of the individual fibers that stuck out in every direction, and they weren’t an optical illusion. 

“Told you so!” The snowmouse twirled around on one foot as he tried to catch snowflakes in his mouth. 

"How are you alive though?" Brain asked. Nobody else's snow structures came to life. So why his? 

"How?" The snowmouse stopped twirling and grinned at Brain. "That's easy! You made a wish on Christmas snow!" 

What a ludicrous concept. 

"I don't believe in wishes," Brain scoffed. "And Christmas snow isn't any different from any other kind of snow either. The only difference is that you've proven you can affect the real world and I intend to find a logical explanation for it." 

"But it's true that Christmas snow makes all your hopes and dreams come to life!" the snowmouse said, leaning in so close that Brain had to step back to avoid the frosty breath against his face. “Don’t you have something you want more than anything else?” 

“I desire the world, but wishing on stars isn’t going to help me acquire it,” Brain admitted. 

The snowmouse tilted his head. “Have you ever tried wishing on a star?” 

Several times, when he was younger and more naive. When he believed that moronic Disney tagline of wishing on stars to make his dreams come true. 

Though he wanted to dismiss the foolish notion entirely, part of him wondered if he still had that childhood naivety somewhere. But there comes a time when everyone realized how cruel and harsh the world could truly be, and that innocence was forever lost. He was no exception. 

“I want that explanation, snowmouse,” Brain sighed. A change in subject was in order. It occurred to him that the snowmouse had no name either. And if he was going to be alive, then he needed one. But that could be remedied later. 

To figure out how the snowmouse was alive, he figured his best option was to retrace the creation process. 

“I rolled the main body first,” Brain said as he gathered a handful of snow into a pile. “Then I added a tail and legs.” 

The snowmouse tossed his own snow onto the mound, and Brain shooed him off. He didn’t want anyone disturbing his replica. 

Next came the head and ears. The snowmouse clapped his hands together. “It’s a very nice snow leopard! I’m calling her Stripes!” 

It didn’t resemble a snow leopard at all. Just a rough facsimile of the living snowmouse in front of him. 

“This is where your silk hat blew over with all your non-snow components,” Brain said. 

But the snowmouse wasn’t paying attention. “Lalala! Stripes the snow leopard was a happy, jolly leopard!” he singsonged as he wrapped his scarf around the lifeless mound of snow. 

“Cease your nonsense! I’m pondering,” Brain snapped. 

The snowmouse’s song trailed off into a soft hum, which wasn’t as disruptive, so Brain let it slide. 

“Zort! She needs a hat!” the snowmouse declared, and he removed the black silk hat from his head. 

And then he froze, the hat hooked on his fingers, just inches away from the so-called snow leopard’s head. His gravity-defying tail fell limp, his blue eyes nothing more than a pair of pebbles.

Cautiously, Brain prodded the snowmouse’s belly. No response. 

“Snowmouse?” Brain asked. “If you can hear me, say any of your nonsensical phrases.” 

But there was only the howling wind and engine noises from the slow-moving cars on the road. 

The once-lively, dancing, jolly to a fault snowmouse was silent and still. 

It was...uncanny. Disturbing. Quiet. 

An odd pang of loneliness crept into his chest and remained there. Though annoying, the snowmouse wasn’t bad company. 

The snowmouse didn’t become inanimate until he took off the hat. 

With trembling fingers, Brain lifted the hat off the snowmouse and examined it thoroughly. Could there be a degree of truth in that incompetent magician’s claim? 

He stared at the old silk hat with the pink flower. Then he looked at the unmoving snowmouse. Though the hat would be a valuable asset in world domination, he didn’t know how its magic worked. If it was unreliable for Hinkle, he wasn’t sure if it would work for him. 

And it just seemed to belong to the snowmouse. 

Brain placed the hat back on the snowmouse’s head, and a flurry of snowflakes swirled around his form. The tail lifted, the pebbles became a pair of blue eyes, and his arms cheerfully waved. 

“Happy birthday!” the snowmouse exclaimed as he did several pirouettes in a row. To Brain’s relief, he was skipping around without a care in the world. “Happy Valentine’s! Happy Opposite Day!” 

Brain took the scarf from the replica and threw it around the snowmouse’s shoulders. “I figured it out,” he announced. “The hat’s animating you.” 

The snowmouse’s eyes brightened. “Really? Narf! I thought I was animated by a bunch of overseas studios!” 

For the sake of his sanity, he was definitely better off ignoring some of the things that came out of the snowmouse’s mouth. Apparently, magic hats didn’t grant intelligence along with sentience. 

But he could finally move onto naming his creation. 

“You’ll need a name,” Brain said. “I can’t keep calling you snowmouse.” 

“How ‘bout Sam? Or Olaf?” the snowmouse suggested.

Brain shook his head. “You don’t resemble a Sam. And I refuse to call you Olaf.” 

“Hmmm, okay...call me Oatmeal then!” The snowmouse placed his hands on his hips, like he was actually proud of being named after a breakfast food. 

“Absolutely not,” Brain said. Since the snowmouse couldn’t come up with anything suitable, the responsibility of a name fell to Brain. 

The snowmouse’s simple nature would make him unfit for being named after any part of the brain. And Brain didn’t really care for winter-associated names either. 

A physical attribute would have to do. 

As the snowmouse waited for his name, he rocked back and forth on his heels, the pink scarf and flower swaying with the motion. Pink was for innocence and playfulness. 

“I’m naming you Pinky,” Brain declared. 

“Pinky,” the snowmouse tested his newly-bestowed name. “Pinky. Pinky! Egad, you’re very good at this naming business...er, I never got your name?” 

“The Brain.” 

Pinky grabbed Brain’s arm and shook it vigorously. “Well, thank you very much for naming me, the Brain!” 

Brain pulled away and clamped down on his still-vibrating arm with his other hand. “You don’t have to tack ‘the’ on every time. That’s reserved for more important functions. Just Brain will do.” 

“Okay, Just Brain!” Pinky giggled. 

Brain rolled his eyes. “Now that we’ve taken care of important matters—umph!” 

He was hushed with a twig finger over his mouth. 

Pinky tilted his head from side to side, taking in their surroundings curiously. “Where are those pretty bell sounds coming from, Brain?” 

Brain shoved Pinky’s finger off his mouth. His ears twitched at the sound of bells and carols in the distance. Despite the below freezing temperature, the sound was joyful, welcoming, and somewhat cacophonic. 

“It’s from the town square. It’s just your typical Christmas fanfare for when they light the tree once darkness falls,” Brain said. With the overcast sky, it wouldn’t be long before dark. Most cities had a giant Christmas tree as decor for the holiday season. It wasn’t anything special or unique. The reminders for the event were posted all over the place. 

“Narf! A Christmas tree lighting!” Pinky gasped, clasping his hands in excitement. “Have you ever seen such a beautiful sight before?” 

Brain had passed by the tree many times in the past few weeks during his nightly quests for world domination. It was just a large tree with added baubles and lights. No different from any other Christmas tree. 

“They light the tree every night throughout December. I doubt it’s worth the excitement. But the light from the tree is so great that the lampposts in that area don’t need to be turned on for visibility,” Brain said. 

Though he had far more pertinent matters to attend to, Pinky was far too enamored by thoughts of the Christmas tree lighting. Brain had the feeling he’d be dragged into this while kicking and screaming. 

“Then what are we standing around here for, Brain?” Pinky cheered as he pulled away from Brain and recklessly darted towards the street. “Follow me! O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, lalalalala!”

“Pinky, stop!” Brain shouted, running after him at a speed he never knew he was capable of. His fingers closed around the back of Pinky’s scarf and hauled him back, just before a plow could smash into him at full force. 

Breathing heavily, Brain watched as the plow barreled down the street, steadily pushing snow as it disappeared around a corner. 

He crossed his arms and glared at Pinky for his lack of awareness. The only sound was the distant sleigh bells. 

“Um....on second thought, maybe you shouldn’t follow me.” Pinky ducked his head sheepishly. “Thanks.” 

“First sensible thing you’ve said in your entire existence,” Brain sighed, clutching his chest as his heart rate went back to normal. “If you want to survive long enough to see the lighting, I suppose I have no choice but to come with you.” 

“Pretty lights, here we come!” Pinky perked up and took off running, thankfully staying on the sidewalk this time. 

Unfortunately, Pinky was too caught up in Christmas festivities to notice something so vitally important. 

“You’re going the wrong way!”  

End AN: Decided to split this chapter so that Pinky’s introduction and the events at the city square are separate.

I just think it’s cute how Frosty’s first words are ‘happy birthday’, so I kept that intact. Similarly, he can’t count either. Sam the Snowman is the name of the narrator of Rankin Bass’ Rudolph. And I had to include the gag where the weird kid tries to name Frosty ‘Oatmeal’. I just find it funny. And I have no idea where Olaf is from.

Some elements of Christmas Carol and Polar Express kinda snuck their way in (sue me, but not really cause I’m not doing this for profit.) The 1984 Christmas Carol movie and Polar Express are my favorite Christmas movies, mostly with Brain thinking he ate something bad that caused him to hallucinate a snowmouse coming to life.

Also borrowed a gag from the Phineas and Ferb Christmas Vacation special (also a favorite!) with Pinky nearly getting run over by a snow plow. I can’t help but laugh at that Frosty gag every time I see it.

[mochikeiji]

Rockabye, My Love

↠ Pairing: Akaashi Keiji x Reader

↠ Warning: slight fluff, soft father/daughter moments, angst. Trigger Warning: mentions of death, depression.

↬ Word Count: 2.3k

Summary: Every lyrics had a deeper meaning in them than just words that'll fit a song. Yours was heavier than anyone could think of, and Akaashi was singing it to his beloved baby girl.

↣ a/n: ohayo world! I'm sorry for late posts, expect the upcoming ones soon. School was giving too much works again. Thank you all for loving my Day 2 fic in Akaashi Week!! Also, the lullaby in this lyrics is the same tune as Isabella's Lullaby from The Promised Neverland.

⇢ Day 3: Single Parent AU

"Love, don't you worry too much,

You're doing fine.

You are the most precious thing I have loved.

I will never allow the cruel world to take you— away nor hurt you any more.

I will sing you this song when the world, caves on.

You'll be fine, I will never leave you.

You are the most beautiful thing that has came.

I will protect you forever, my love."

Life is difficult in many ways. It's either we were born different, have lost someone dear or have lost ourselves. It's no wonder how millions of people from all around the world, evert second, minute, hour— someone gives up on everything. It was cruel, disturbing, most of all heart breaking.

Akaashi never understood your true intentions. He was one hundred percent sure he had kept an eye on you at all cost. He's made you smile brighter, he's understood you more than anyone. He made you feel alive.

Yet now you ended up being dead to your own inner demons.

He remembers coming home after receiving good news from his company. He had received a promotion and a week off just for you. That was when the hospital had contacted him. He can recall his ragged breathing when he was allowed to place a foot in your room. Your monitor beating in an ever agonizingly slow rhythm, he knew it wasn't normal and immediately ran to your side.

He wanted to yell, scream, ask you why, why did you do this to yourself but he couldn't, not when you looked at him so scared and weak. The doctors had told him that he had only a few minutes with his wife, the drugs you've intake was too much, not everything was removed nor pumped out of your system. Akaashi never felt so depressed in all his life after that situation as he buried himself into your chest, listening to your lullabies that soon died down along with the light in your eyes.

That was the only reminisces he's had with you,the lullaby you would sing to yourself as a teen who strived to survive the world, a lullaby for his anxieties and own demons to be tamed, and the last thing you ever said. He was happy that over the years before your death, you had given him a customized music box that had the right notes of your song, only this time no one was singing it.

Fingers tapping anxiously on his work table, Akaashi started to fiddle with his thumb and then his index, losing his focus despite looking at the same drafted page lit up on his computer screen. He kept eyeing the pack of cigarettes that was just on the edge of his window— he needed one right now. Cigarettes were the last options he has for when he couldn't calm his beating heart or let his emotions out. But he knows how wrong it was to be damaging his health, and he knows he's going to get an earful from Bokuto since he visits his apartment every weekend. Even if Akaashi tries to hide his dirty deeds, Bokuto wasn't stupid to read through his eyes like before.

Foot was starting to bounce, his eyebrows were beginning to furrow, as if he was irritated, in trouble, or something. It wss getting harder for him, who wouldn't after losing their wife? The person he's loved since his teen years, the one he's vowed to never make her feel like how she did in the past. He failed you. He blames himself for all that matter, if he's added more precautions, maybe you'd still be here.

He bites his lips and whimpers, hands ruffling through his tossled hair and holding his head as his elbows were supporting him on the table. Everything was closing in once more, the walls to his workspace became suffocating, how he wishes one of his friends or yours would come knocking at his door even though it was already 2:30 am knowing how reckless he's getting. He swore he wasn't going to die sooner as you did. He promised to himself to let you and his memories live on, because once he dies, no one will ever remember the battles you've fought for, the good things you've done to many, and the love you've shared with him throughout the years.

"It's so hard without you, love.."

Eyes finally cracking with tears behind his glasses, he lets them stream down his face with his body shaking on his chair. Soon enough he was bound to get another headache from extreme emotion and will probably lay the whole day about it. But none of that mattered to him anymore.

He just wanted you back.

But his cries weren't the only ones that can be heard in his apartment.

Jolting up to realization, he carelessly wipes away his tears with his sleeves and tumbles our of his chair straight to his room. His heart was beating fast in worry and adrenaline, he thought the source of the crying in his room had been taken away or worse.

But it turns out, it was just his little baby girl crying in lonliness.

As he got closer, her cries were getting deafening, but he didn't mind. Not when his heart was swooning with guilt when he thought of giving up and caving to his own needs when he's forgotten he has a reason to continue on.

With the night lamp on at the side of her crib and his bed, he cooes at the sobbing baby with sweet nothings to catch her attention. Th cries immediately died down and replaced with sniffles and the baby looking up hazily at the dark figure above her.

Smiling, Akaashi carefully picks her up from the crib to cradle her on his chest. Giving her small pats on her back with hush whispers when he feels her stretch on his body.

"Shhh, I'm sorry, were you lonely?"

Grabbing on the string of his lamp shade on the nightstand, he pulls the string, allowing more light to glow in his room, and for his little girl to finally see that she wasn't alone anymore. Akaashi swayed gently as he remained in eye contact with the baby, smiling ever so slightly at the unreadable expression his daughter was possessing and played with her fingers.

"Maybe I should work with you around, you never really like it in the dark, do you, baby?"

His little girl cooes at him, curious of what language he was speaking to her and hopes he understood what she was saying as well. Akaashi's heart swelled at the adorable sound and nuzzled his face softly on her stomach, the baby still confused as ever but just clenches her hands in wonder.

His anxieties and thoughts disappearing in the air whilst he sat down on his bed and held his baby near to where his hesrt was beating. The same day you died, was the same day you had given birth. It was a miracle for the baby to be healthy despite what you had intake. He remembers after your announced death, the nurses had to usher him out, but only to drag him into another room where lies a bassinet and a couple of IV's attached and treatments.

When he got closer, his world was shaken that day. The sight of you and his baby alive and now existing after 9 months of waiting was there right before his eyes. But his heart broke at the thought of him being the only one to raise her, and her not having to meet her beloved mother. He was so emotional that day that he almost lost it when he realizes why she was kept in there and why there were so much stuff in this room. He didn't want to think thag he was losing another one when he had just met her.

The nurses explained that there was nothing wrong with the baby, just taking further check ups and to ensure she was absolutely healthy. He was already been forced outside your room that no longer held light, he wasn't going to leave the room where his daughter was until he holds her in his arms where he knows she'll be at the safest.

As time went by to now, Akaashi feared her growing up in the future. She resembled mostly to you. She was a dead carbon copy of you and he was terrified she'd experience what you have as history might repeat itself. The very thought of his daughter having something inside her little head without telling him scares him, Akaashi knew how cruel the world can be and hoe each second in life matters because we are unaware of the deaths happening at those time.

He prayed his baby girl wouldn't go through what you did as a child and carry it until she grows up. He hopes and believed in his own strength that he wasn't going to fail her this time— that there will be no person by her side and will lovd and protect her other than her daddy.

His tears blocking his vision of her as he held her tightly. He whimpers at remembering his thoughts earlier. He wanted to curse himself from thinking of leaving his daughter to fend for herself in this world and to find a way to be back to you. But he knows he was still with you, your daughter was the last love you could ever give him and he was going to love her more than anything.

The trembling of his body stops when his baby started to cry and squirm in his hold. Her whimpers breaking his heart when he couldn't solve her distress, it seemed like she was in pain and he knew this situation like in the past.

"Shh, shh, I'm here. I'm always here. I'm sorry."

Reciting out the same line he's used when he held you against his body that night. You cried and held a hand to your heart that day as he hugged you tighter. The demons inside you he had curse to go away and leave you alone. But they didn't.

An idea popped in his head and reached out inside his nightstand drawer. The little music box you have crafted for him still looked the same as it was before since it was taken with good care. He proceeded to wind it gently to let the soft tune play as he stood up once more to cradle his crying baby.

"Love, don't you worry too much,

You're doing fine."

He sings the first verse of the long memorized lullaby you sang for him. Using his thumb to wipe away the little tears that had escaped his daughters eyes. Her cries were stopped momentarily and were replaced by sniffles. Her dazed eyes making eye contact with her father's.

"You are the most precious thing I have loved."

Akaashi would be cringing thinking his voice was terrible, but the little girl in his arms seemed to be intrigued and loving the harmonized voice of her daddy and an unknown tune from the background.

His voice was smooth and soft. Completely out of character from his monotone one, but enough to capture the attention of someone.

"I will never allow the cruel world to take you— away nor hurt you any more."

He couldn't tell if he was singing the lullaby to her or he was making a silent vow to her. The lullaby you sang to him for the first time he tried searching for in the internet what the lyrics meant and who wrote it. Sadly, there were no results that came up that day.

And you never really told him how you got that song and who it was referring to in the lyrics.

But nevertheless, the lyrics could never be at the right time as it was now. It felt like he was reminding himself of what his role was from now on and what his daughter should always remember as she grows up.

No one was going to hurt her on her watch.

"I will sing you this song when the world, caves on.

You'll be fine, I will never leave you."

At the end of that line his voice cracks as he held back his own tears. He can hear only now your voice and hoe you would thread his hair during nights of distress. How he missed so many cracks of your voice from being too intrigued with the song. How he missed the fact that you needed him the most those nights of terror, yet you chose to make him feel secure and loved without leaving anything for yourself.

Slowly, his mind was connecting all the lyrics and your actions in his head. You were a self reliant person.

You sang this song in reminder that you were loved, beautiful and was protected by the few people that truly loved you. This song was meant to keep you alive.

To keep him going.

And now

It was a vow from him to his daughter.

"You are the most beautiful thing that has came."

Smiling sadly down to his baby now calmed down and listening intently to her daddy, Akaashi leans down to press kisses on her face with his tears sliding down.

He should've sang this to you when you needed it the most. A reminder of what you truly were to him. He hopes deep inside, somewhere up there or in his room you were listening. Listening to him remind you and his daughter— his world and universe, that he was going to be stronger and fulfill his own promises.

One day he was going to meet you in another life he believed, where he'd make you stay, where you and him will raise your little girl once again and he'll wake up next to you. Where he'll be the one singing this lullaby tune as he hold you both in his arms.

But for now, it was just going to be him and his baby girl.

"I will, protect you. Forever, my love."

[freebooter4ever]

Kangaroos

You can blame my roommates' friends in Australia for this. Short fluff with Eugene and Snafu being cute:

Snafu and Eugene arrive in Texas three days prior to the wedding. Coming all the way from Oregon, they travel the farthest of Burgie's guests (Florence's relatives don't count, nowhere is as far away as Australia), and Eugene is having fits worrying about whether they'll make it across the mountains in time or be delayed due to snow. No matter how many times Snafu reminds Eugene of his skills as a mechanic should they experience car trouble, Eugene's typical southern boy fear of snow persists and eventually Snafu gives in and books the motel for an extra few days.

Once they’re in Texas, Eugene proves to be equally nervous about meeting Burgie's family, as well as seeing Burgie himself for the first time in two years.

"Calm your ass down, Sledge," Snafu grumps as he desperately tries to figure out the proper configuration of the damned sweater vest Eugene bought him for the occasion.

"You put your head through an armhole again," Eugene points out as he twists his ring on and off his finger anxiously.

"Fuck," Snafu grumbles, "Fucking, fuck." He rips the thing off his head and tries again.

“Backwards,” Eugene corrects him. The asshole offers no help beyond his words of direction.

Snafu keeps the sweater bunched around his neck as he rotates it, so he knows he got at least one hole right.

"We need to look respectable," Eugene says and hands Snafu his tie.

"I think they'd treat me the same whether I was wearing a sweater with sleeves or without," Snafu says. He eyes Eugene's fingers which won't leave the ring be. "You're not gonna take it off, are you?"

Eugene immediately drops his hands to his sides and looks guilty, "No..."

"Gene, we're in farm country Texas," Snafu pulls him close and gives him a kiss, "Burgie already knows and no one else is gonna even notice, I promise."

"They're gonna notice if you go around doing that all day," Eugene says and wipes Snafu's sweet tasting chapstick off his lips. Eugene bends down to retie his shoelaces because one string is longer than the other.

"No more kisses, I promise," Snafu swears and crosses his heart.

Eugene straightens with a slightly alarmed look, "I mean...not...not ever again...right?"

"Never again," Snafu sing-songs obnoxiously, "Never ever ever..."

Eugene grabs Snafu’s crooked tie, drags him into a kiss, and makes sure to get all his lustful urges out of the way before they drive to the ranch.

Burgie's ranch is somewhere in the countryside where the closest town is too small to even have a motel. They have to drive two hours just to get there. Snafu sings ‘These Wedding Bells Are Busting Up This Old Gang of Mine’ the whole way. And everytime they fill up, Snafu complains about having to stop at watered down podunk gas stations.

"We own a podunk gas station, Snaf," Eugene comments.

"Yeah but we don't dilute our gas," Snafu states proudly, "Look at the mileage I'm getting right now. Ain't no way that was high quality gasoline back there. I know my car, Gene."

By the time they do reach Burgie's ranch, Eugene is already exhausted. He is not prepared for how calm and collected Burgie is.

"We've actually been married for the past nine months," Burgie shrugs as he sits in his parlor while the rest of the house is chaos around him, "This is just a party, really. Went down to the courthouse and made it official the minute Florence arrived in Los Angeles." He raises his hand and wiggles his fingers to show off his ring.

Eugene puts his own hands in his pants pockets.

Snafu, meanwhile, can't pay attention to a word Burgie is saying. All he can focus on is the baby kangaroo happily playing in Burgie's lap, as if it's the most normal thing in the world. Snafu waves at it and tries to get it's attention, but the baby kangaroo does not care.

"Sorry," Burgie says to Snafu as the kangaroo bops it's head against Burgie's shoulder, "He only has eyes for me. The other kangaroos couldn't care less, but Joey's gotten attached."

Florence pokes her head into the parlor while on her way to the kitchen and tsks, "Had I known, when I asked to bring some of my family's kangaroos with me from Australia and you said yes, that you would turn into a big softie and let them in the house, I would never have brought them." Burgie grins at his bride, and they share a quick moment of fond eye contact before she's called away for a flour emergency.

"She's lying, she's the one who feeds baby Joey at the table with a bottle," Burgie tells Snafu.

"Can they be trained?" Snafu asks curiously.

"Not really," Burgie laughs, "The only ones we let into the house are the babies that we hand rear. And even then only till they are old enough to eat solid foods. I swear half my life is cleaning up mess..."

"Huh, maybe I want one," Snafu says. He reaches his hand out tentatively to the kangaroo and smiles. The kangaroo shows mild interest in the shiny ring on Snaf’s finger. Burgie shows interest in it too, but he’s too polite to comment.

"No," Eugene says flatly.

"Yeah. You’re probably right," Snafu drawls and leans back in his chair to look at his own blushing husband, "What do I need a kangaroo for when I've got my Gene-Boo right here."

Eugene is turning beet red.

Snafu gestures for Eugene to come closer, "Take your coat off and sit down, Sledgehammer. Stop holding up the wall over there, Burgie'll think you don't want to be here."

Burgie snorts and watches with amusement.

Eugene takes a few steps closer to Snafu, eyeing him warily.

Snafu reaches his hand out and gestures again.

Eugene entwines their fingers together and stands next to Snafu's chair so he can hold his hand.

But that's not enough for Snafu - he knows exactly what he wants. He twirls Eugene around to the front of the chair and tugs him down till Eugene plops into his lap.

"Yup, no kangaroo necessary," Snafu announces, “My lap’s full up.” He loosely closes his arms around Eugene's waist and leans his chin against Eugene's shoulder. Eugene crosses his own arms so he can hold onto both of Snafu's hands. Their wedding bands clink together. Snafu couldn't grin any harder if he tried. They never had a wedding - they did it the old fashioned way, just an extra name in a bible and a vow. The memory still makes Snafu the happiest he’s ever been in his entire life.

Burgie, on the other hand, is trying very hard not to laugh.

Eugene sighs and thinks about what succulents he needs to purchase for his garden back home before they leave the southwest.

Florence pops back into the parlor, peeling her flour covered apron off and brushing her hands clean. "I apologize for the chaos - had everything gone as planned we would have been all set days ago..." She falls silent when she sees her husband sitting with a baby kangaroo on his lap and her husband's old war buddy sitting across the room with a Eugene on his lap.

Without missing a beat, and with comedic effect almost as flawless as Eugene’s, Florence turns to Snafu and asks, "Would you like a bottle?"

Snafu cracks up laughing. Eugene jumps to his feet like someone lit a fire under his ass. His face glows a lovely fire engine red.

"Only if you can fill it with whiskey," Snafu jokes to Florence in response.

"I certainly can," Florence says.

And Eugene makes sure Snafu only drinks from his whiskey-bottle for the rest of the night as penance.

[kyra-bane]

the old guard - kinktober day 4 - take the risk

rating: explicit

pairing: book of nile

prompt: (almost) caught in the act

extra tags: sneaking around; cunnilingus; vaginal sex

word count: 5260 (HOW)

notes: thanks to @nevermindirah for suggesting the pairing/general idea for this fic - i hope it’s as funny and sexy as i wanted it to be! (mind the gentle pining, i cannot NOT write pining)

read on ao3 or keep reading below

Nile is half an hour early to the café. She has the book Nicky gifted her on their arrival in Cologne – he and Joe arrived first, after a quick jaunt away – but even though it’s open in front of her, she hasn’t read a word of it.

It’s been four years since Merrick, four years of missions and travelling and dying, which happens a lot, more often than any of them let on, and Nile still hasn’t told them she’s been talking to Booker all of that time.

She certainly hasn’t told them she’s been meeting up with him for the past two years and that for the past eight months, since three weeks of being stuck in a two-room apartment in Paris with Joe and Nicky apparently reliving their honeymoon phase had gotten to be a bit too much, they’ve been, well…

Booker, it turns out, doesn’t care much for the term fuck buddies. Nile is trying not to use friends with benefits because she doesn’t want him to think the sex is the only benefit of their being friends.

Besides, it’s not like they do it every time they meet. For one thing, they don’t always have the time – Andy, Joe, and Nicky like to keep one of them with her at all times, generally, and she understands the urge – but for another, they are friends, and so sometimes their hanging out is just that: hanging out, no strings attached.

She knows why she’s half an hour early to the café, though. She doesn’t want to admit it to herself. It’s the same reason her stomach’s fluttered the last three times she’s met him; it’s why she smiles every time he sends her a text…

It’s why she’s thinking of calling the whole thing off. The sex part, at least. The rest of it is mostly fine, and she’s somehow convinced herself that if they go back to being friends then she’ll only see him as a friend – which has to happen, because she sure as hell can’t dump a truckload of feelings on him. He’s still dealing with everything that happened with Merrick, all that stuff in his past, and it wouldn’t be fair; not to mention the fact that it does make her angry too, sometimes, to imagine Nicky and Joe strapped down by that doctor–

Nile slams the book shut and startles when she sees Booker standing opposite her. He has his hands on the chair she’s resting her foot against and his amused smile makes her blush.

So, as she ever does, she powers through. “Book!” she exclaims, standing up to pull him into a hug that’s just a little too tight. He suffers through good-naturedly, his hands big and warm on her back, and when they part, he orders his coffee from a server who smiles at him just a little too long.

Not that Nile can blame her. Booker looks good, and she’s not just thinking that because they haven’t seen each other in a couple of weeks. He’s wearing jeans that are just as tight as they should be to show off his thighs, and when he shrugs off his coat, his t-shirt stretches across his shoulders.

Nile tears her eyes away, down to the cover of her book. She’d said, in her text, that they could just get coffee; the others are out this afternoon on the other side of the city, exploring something or other Joe was very excited about this morning, and they’re expecting to meet her for dinner.

She knows Booker’s staying at a hotel pretty far away and their apartment is just around the corner, really, but that’s too risky–

She realises, suddenly, that Booker’s saying something to her.

“Sorry?”

He chuckles. His hair is falling in his face, just a little, and she resists the urge to push it back. “I asked if the book was any good,” he says. “But you appear… preoccupied.”

Nile pushes the book aside. “I didn’t really read any of it,” she admits. They’ve promised to be honest with each other, though sometimes, she knows they are both careful to not offer more truth than they intend. “But I assume it’ll be interesting. Nicky gave it to me.”

Booker doesn’t flinch as much now, when she mentions the others. There’s still a brief pass of sadness over his face, but it is gone as quickly as it came.

“He always had good taste,” Booker says, tapping the cover. “Although, you know he will quiz you on it.”

She pulls a face and Booker laughs. The server brings his coffee; he thanks her in German and this time, she blushes. Nile leans back in her chair and when Booker’s eyes track her movements – even though she’s not doing anything, not really – she feels a curl of satisfaction. She’s not a jealous person, not really, it’s only that she sees him so rarely, she finds she wants to soak up all of his attention.

“So,” she says. “What are you doing in town?”

He wouldn’t tell her over text, which was unusual. One of the first messages he sent her, he asked her to never tell her any details of the missions she was going on, but he always tells her why he’s nearby. Always.

When he doesn’t answer, Nile narrows her eyes. She leans forward when she sees the pink dusting his cheekbones.

“Booker?”

He sips his coffee and she’s trying not to laugh, lips twitching because she trusts him, she knows that, so whatever he’s keeping from her cannot be all that serious.

“Ah, ma chérie,” Booker says and when he looks her in the eye, Nile doesn’t much feel like laughing anymore. “I came because you were here, of course.”

Oh, fuck. So maybe she’s not the only one who’s caught feelings but there’s really very little room in her mind for that, because she’s thinking of all the ways to show this ridiculous man, who last time she heard was in the Caribbean, so he’s sure as hell travelled miles to be here, that she really, really lo–

Nope! She pushes that thought straight out of her head and knocks one ankle against Booker’s under the table.

“Please tell me you’re nearly done with that coffee.”

Booker, at least, has the good grace not to pretend he doesn’t know what she’s talking about. “Finished,” he says. He still has half a cup left; neither of them mention it.

“Our apartment is around the corner.”

His hand lands on her knee. “The others?”

Nile shrugs. It’s risky but she doesn’t care – but if Booker does, then they can always make the trek to his hotel, although she’ll have to come up with a good reason for cancelling on dinner.

More importantly, she isn’t sure she can wait that long. She reaches out, touches the back of Booker’s hand and he turns it without hesitation, tangling his fingers in hers.

“Let’s go,” he says and that might just be the most wonderful thing anyone has ever said to her.

***

Nile shouts, “Hello?” as she lets herself into the apartment ahead of Booker. His hands are tight on her hips already – he’s so close behind her that she can feel his breath on the back of her neck – but they both wait for a moment, listening.

No one replies and she can’t hear the tell-tale sounds of movement, which means that Nicky and Joe aren’t back. Even if they’d come in for an afternoon nap, Nicky would have woken when the door opened.

Andy might be there, but Booker skims his lips along her shoulder and Nile decides, fuck it, she’ll just have to risk it.

The door closes and she turns, pushing Booker up against it. Her purse and the book land on the floor but she doesn’t care because now she’s got her mouth on his and she’s framing his face with her hands and his hands are roaming, so greedily she can’t even stand it. They part, as he grabs a handful of her ass – he’s getting daring but she likes it – and then again when she slides her fingers into his hair, tugging gently on blond strands. He pants helplessly when she does that, pupils blown already and Nile presses open-mouthed kisses down the pale skin of his throat.

“Nile,” he moans, voice husky and God, it does something to her, hearing him like that. “Nile, I want to touch you, please…”

She pulls his hair again. She knows she can, knows it will make him whine at the back of his throat, and when she presses up against him, those tight jeans are doing nothing to hide how hard he already is. Nile kisses him again, swallowing down his moan, but then he sucks on her lower lip, pulls her close so that his thigh is between her legs, and she feels her knees go weak.

She’s sure she’s hurting him, just a little, where her fingers are digging into his shoulders, but he simply lifts her like she weighs nothing at all. Fuck, but that gets her too, every time, and so she wraps her legs around his waist, because good behaviour really ought to be rewarded.

“Ma tigresse,” he murmurs, nosing at her jaw before he kisses down her throat. “Your bedroom, where is it?”

He licks along her collarbone and Nile squirms in his grip. She wants him so badly, now, that she almost aches for it. “Down the hall. First on the left.”

They kiss again and then he’s walking, still carrying her, and she’s sucking on his earlobe, rolling her hips against him. He fumbles with the doorknob and Nile laughs, breathily; he stumbles inside and, when the door closes behind them, he drops her unceremoniously onto the bed.

She’s about to protest but he’s shrugging off his jacket and already sliding to his knees and Nile grabs at the coverlet in anticipation. Christ, but she’s been wet since she thought of dragging him back to the apartment – and her stomach flutters because he’s so good at this, looks so pretty on his knees and is oh-so-willing to please…

Booker curls his fingers around her right calf, tugs her closer to the edge of the bed, and then he’s kissing her knee, lips travelling up her inner thigh, and the rough drag of his beard leaves a tingling sensation in its wake. He’s never a tease, though; once he’s face to face with her, he lets out a hot breath, almost a sigh, then licks her over her underwear, and even dampened by the fabric between them, Nile lets out a curse.

He’s just – so fucking good at this, so into it, and today is no different. He gently presses her thighs apart as he flicks his tongue over where her clit is, and Nile arches up into him. She wants to pull off her underwear but she’s too busy grabbing at the bed, and besides, she knows better than to hurry him along. He’s sucking at the fabric, licking her, rubbing his nose against her and Nile’s legs twitch, she feels her thighs try to clamp shut, but he just gently spreads her open again.

When she’s cursing up at the ceiling, he finally pulls back, pressing a sticky kiss to her inner thigh. Her skirt is already rucked up around her waist. Booker tugs off her shoes, then reaches up, drumming his fingers against the soft skin on her stomach.

Nile lifts her head. He’s looking up at her, lips shiny and slick, and she groans.

“May I?” he asks, the picture of innocence, and she nods.

“Fuck yes, please…”

She lifts her hips as he pulls off her thong, throwing it to the floor. Whatever he sees on her face, after that, is enough – he licks along her vulva, presses his tongue inside her and Nile rests her right leg on his shoulder, wanting to get him deeper, still. It’s even better now she can heal; his beard leaves her sensitive but she knows there’ll be no lingering pain, and she knows too, from copious experience, that they can both keep going more or less as long as they’d like.

She rocks her hips towards him and he growls, dragging her a little further off the bed. She lifts her other leg and now her thighs are pressing either side of his face but he doesn’t seem to mind. Instead, he sucks on her clit, working one finger inside of her, and Nile wants to scream. He’s relentless, it’s like he can’t get enough, and the best part is that she knows he isn’t even touching himself; all his single-minded focus is on her, on getting her off.

“Book,” she moans, reaching down to grab his hair again. He withdraws his finger immediately, eyes flicking up to meet hers. “Let me…”

Booker licks along her again, tongue flicking against her clit, and nods. He buries her face back against her and she holds him in place as she rolls her hips. Last time they fucked, he had her sit on his face and ride him like this – and then, when she’d come, he’d rolled her over and used his mouth and fingers to bring her off again.

She really, really wants his cock inside of her, though, so she pushes herself against him harder, faster, and everything is hot and wet and messy and he’s moaning just from this, fingers pressing tight enough on her thighs to leave bruises and–

Nile pushes her hips forward, Booker catches her clit between his lips, and she moans as her orgasm rolls through her, her legs twitching from the force of it. One of her legs drops from his shoulders but he holds the other in place, resting his head on her thigh.

For a moment or two, Nile lies there, trying to catch her breath. Booker waits, but when she says, “Come here,” he rises instantly up onto his knees, lets her reel him in. They kiss and when she tastes herself on his tongue, she squirms again. The movement brings her into contact with his cock, still confined in those tight jeans, and Booker groans.

“How do you want me, mon trésor?” he murmurs against her lips.

Nile leans back, looks at him as though she hasn’t already made up her mind.

“Naked,” she says finally – because why not, when they’ve got a room all to themselves, “And I’m gonna ride you.”

He nods and scrambles to his feet, pulling his t-shirt up and over his head, and Nile clears her throat. Booker pauses with his hands already on the waistband of his jeans.

“Slower,” she says, because she’ll be damned if she’s not getting a show out of this, too.

He smiles almost bashfully, hair falling in his face again, and then pops the button on his jeans, lowers the zipper. Nile is leaning back on her elbows and she doesn’t even care about how on display she is because she only has eyes for him.

Booker has already kicked off his shoes and when he starts to lower his jeans, Nile’s mouth goes dry. He’s not wearing any underwear – which she should have been able to tell, she supposes – which means he knew before she did that they’d end up here, and he’s absolutely ready for it.

She lets out a frustrated noise and pulls off her skirt, kneeling up on the bed to take her shirt off, too. Booker’s there when she throws it to the floor, kissing her, and when his hands go for the band of her bra, she lets him. He’s got just a little chest hair that feels so good against her skin, even better once he removes the bra and she presses up against him.

“You are beautiful, mon ange,” Booker says. He’s not usually so generous with the endearments, but Nile does like them, though with all this conditioning she isn’t sure he can ever use them outside of the bedroom.

She maps his skin with her hands, trying to convey her reply in every touch, and then she pulls him onto the bed because she wants a lot – she wants everything­ – but what she wants most is Booker, inside her, right now.

Still, he surges up to kiss her breasts, sucking on one nipple and then the other, and Nile is in his lap, his cock hard against her ass as she rocks back against it. She moans when he bites down and then freezes – they both do – when she hears the apartment door close.

“Fuck,” she hisses. The murmur of low voices reaches them and Booker looks just as startled as she does.

“Do you think they heard us?” he asks and Nile shakes her head.

“I don’t think so, but we have to–”

Heavy, purposeful footsteps head toward her door and Nile almost startles out of her own skin when someone knocks on the wood.

“You have to hide,” she says to Booker.

“Where?”

She climbs off his lap, looks around the room – and he’s right, there’s really nowhere to hide in here. She can see clean under the bed and there’s no wardrobe, so that’s the two most common spots out.

Except – there is a small balcony attached to this room, the reason she’d argued with Nicky and Joe for it.

“Out there,” she hisses.

He looks at her, looks at the window, and then looks back at her again.

“You have to be kidding me!” Another knock. “Nile, they will still see me–”

“Not if you–”

“Nile, are you alright?” It’s Joe. She and Booker exchange another look and then he’s scrambling for the window and she’s grabbing her robe off the hook on the back of the door.

“Yes! Just a second!”

Booker is out of the window and when she turns around, she can’t see him. She grabs all their clothes, depositing the pile on the other side of the bed and then quickly adjusts the sheets on the way past. Hopefully, it’ll look more like she’s been napping than anything else. Thank fuck they heal quickly because she has no way of explaining any visible marks away.

She opens the door an inch and Joe peers in at her. “Are you sure you are alright?” he asks.

Nile shrugs. “Fine. Why?”

“You left these by the door.”

He holds up her purse and the book.

“If you didn’t like the book, you could have just said,” Nicky calls from somewhere else in the apartment.

“Oh, no, I do! I just… I was tired so I came back, I must have dropped them by the door.” Not for the first time, she curses the fact that they never get sick. She can’t feign a headache, or food poisoning, or anything else, which would be incredibly helpful right now.

She opens the door a little wider when Joe holds out her things and doesn’t miss the way his eyes sweep her room.

“I thought I heard someone in here with you,” he says finally and she shrugs.

“I had a podcast playing,” she replies. “One of those sleep ones. Probably that.”

He nods, as if understanding, and then smiles. “Well, we came back to get Nicky another shirt. Someone spilt wine on his.”

“You did!” Nicky shouts. Ah, he’s in their room – he emerges now, flattening his hair with his hands. “Someone, really?”

Joe laughs and kisses him on the cheek before he turns back to Nile. “You are still joining us for dinner?”

Nile resists the urge to look back. She doesn’t know how Booker’s hiding on the balcony and she really wants them to go; maybe this was a terrible idea…

“Yep!” she says. “Just text me the time and the place and I’ll meet you there.”

Joe opens his mouth, as if to say something else, but Nicky elbows him in the side and nods. “Enjoy the rest of your nap,” he says, and then he’s dragging Joe away.

Nile waits until she hears the apartment door shut to run to the balcony. It really isn’t large and all of it is visible through the window – so when she looks down and sees a completely naked Booker hanging from the iron railing, she almost isn’t surprised.

She reaches down and together, they get him back up again; she hustles him back into the room because he’s shivering already.

“Are they gone?” Booker asks and Nile opens her robe, pulls him against her to try and warm him as best she can.

“Yes,” she says against his chest. “Look, I know I should tell them, I just–”

“No, ma chérie, do not worry about that. That is a discussion for another time.” They both have good reason to keep this under wraps, after all.

His fingers are running up and down her spine and Nile smiles, turns her face up for a kiss. Booker obliges and when she starts walking him back toward the bed, he goes. They part when she pushes him onto the mattress and he watches as she slips the robe from her shoulders. He’s not hard, when she crawls over him, so she kisses him, reaches down and strokes him. She likes feeling him fill in her hand – likes it more in her mouth – and especially the way he moans against her lips, letting out little gasping breaths as his cock hardens.

Nile leans back to look at him. She’s still stroking him, almost absentmindedly, and she scores marks down his chest with her free hand. He doesn’t shy away from the touch. The red marks fade almost immediately.

“I can’t say it as nicely as you,” Nile says, “But fuck, you’re hot.”

Booker blushes at that and Nile’s straddling one of his thighs, rubs herself against him. She’s ready for him again – wants that inexorable feeling of being full to the brim of him – and so she shifts, positioning herself above him.

He grabs her hips as she starts lowering herself down. Booker might not have the biggest cock she’s ever fucked but he’s thick and she takes it slowly, rocking back and forth as each inch fills her. She moans when she’s taken him to the base and smiles at the sweat that’s broken out on Booker’s brow. He won’t move until she does and, just to tease, she squeezes around him.

Booker throws his head back and groans, fingers on her hips tightening. She sees the advantage to not, but sometimes she wishes she could wear the bruises he presses into her skin for days.

“Tell me you want it,” she says. He makes her feel so in control – of herself, of him. Still, he reaches up, thumbs a nipple so that she gasps.

“Ride me, ma tigresse,” he says and shifts his hips. “Show me I am yours.”

Oh, but that just isn’t fair. Nile plants her hands on his chest and lifts herself up and down, letting him slip out a little way before he fills her up again. He trails his hands up and down her thighs, content to watch for now as she fucks herself on his cock over and over – she isn’t sure if she wants to come first and have him work for his own orgasm, or if she wants him to come inside her and then rub her clit to the sound of his cries.

After a few moments, he sits up, shifting so he seems to somehow end up deeper, and they settle into a fast rhythm. He’s closer than she thought, fucking up into her hard and fast, and she scratches her nails over his scalp, pulls his hair. His eyes flutter shut and she kisses his cheek, his nose. Pleasure is chasing up her spine – Booker’s thrusts are getting uncoordinated – and she wants this moment to last forever, just the two of them in this bubble of intimacy like she’s never experienced before.

Booker tips his head forward, mouths at her neck and Nile grinds down against him. She reaches between them but he bats her hand away, rubs her clit with his thumb. “Booker,” she hisses, “Fuck.”

“So eloquent,” he laughs but he sounds wrecked and when she bites his bottom lip, he groans and comes, the hand he has on her hip squeezing tight.

She waits it out with him but when she goes to move off him, he holds her in place. They’re sweaty, the room smells like sex, and he sucks a mark against her throat as he starts rubbing her clit again. She rocks on his cock, still inside her, and God he has to be oversensitive but he makes no sound of protest, and when he licks over the mark he’s made, she comes with a cry, all but collapsing into his arms.

Eventually, they separate and lie beside each other. Booker reaches over, entwines his fingers with hers, then kisses the back of her hand. She closes her eyes. He really is going to be the death of her.

***

Two hours later, Nile leaves Booker at the S-Bahn station. They find a spot to wait, outside of the reach of any of the cameras, and Nile licks into his mouth, sucks on his tongue. She can’t help herself; if the situation between them all was any other way, she would have locked them both in that bedroom for a week or more.

He pulls back as the train starts to pull in. “I have to go,” he says, and he sounds sad again, which just breaks her heart.

“Text me when you get back,” she replies, “And if we have time again, while we’re here–”

“No promises,” Booker warns – another of their agreements, along with always telling each other the truth.

“No promises,” Nile agrees. “Just a wish.”

He smiles, the corners of his eyes crinkling, and kisses her on the forehead. His train is here; he has to go.

“Au revoir, mon rêve.”

“Au revoir.”

She watches him leave, then waits at the station for another fifteen minutes. He’s obviously not going to turn around and come back – what would that achieve? – but she needs some time to get her thoughts in order.

In the end, she arrives at the restaurant ten minutes before the others. She’s learnt enough German to ask after their reservation, and all three seem surprised to see her there first, but they don’t mention it. Instead, they tell her all about their day – including the lead up to the wine incident – and by the time their food arrives, Nile doesn’t feel so bad about sneaking around.

Nicky is chatting to Andy about some exhibit they saw at a museum when Joe turns to look at Nile. He seems vaguely concerned, so she puts her fork down and takes a sip of her wine.

“We should go shopping tomorrow,” he says. “Those clothes really will not do, habibti.”

Nile frowns and looks down at her outfit. She’s wearing dark jeans and a gold top that Joe had liked when she’d bought it and shown it off to him. “I’m sorry, what exactly do you think is wrong with this outfit?”

Andy snickers. Joe shakes his head. “Not that outfit,” he says. He looks around and then lowers his voice conspiratorially. “Nile, you are of course fine to wear whatever you want. But if you are going to choose men’s clothes then at least let me pass on some wisdom.”

Nile looks from Joe to Nicky to Andy. They all look back at her, entirely straight-faced.

She really doesn’t get it.

“What are we talking about?”

Joe shrugs. “I mean, we have all had to do it. I don’t like wearing women’s clothes myself, but my Nicolò–” He smiles, and it’s a particularly indulgent one, “Well, he went through a period of trying dresses in the sixteenth century. He really looks quite fetching, we should try it again some time. Although they are, of course, difficult to remove, so I can see why you might be inclined to try something simpler…”

Nicky waves Joe off, mouth full of food as he rolls his eyes.

“And Andy has not really ever conformed to how people believe women should dress–”

“Clothes have no gender,” Andy says on a sigh and if Nile were not so bewildered by the situation, she thinks she might have laughed, at that.

“So, we are not new to this idea. And it’s nice that you’re trying something new! Just, please, I cannot convince Nico to let me dress him all the time but I will not have you fall victim to a lack of fashion sense.”

Nile stares at him for a moment, two, before her brain catches up with her.

He must have seen Booker’s clothes. She debates, for a moment, how much of the truth she can tell versus the painful future where Joe takes her shopping – in all earnest – and she has to pretend she’s enjoying it. Not that she’s all that bothered by what kind of clothes she wears, either, but she does prefer to choose them for herself.

She rubs her temple and as she does, she catches sight of Nicky’s expression. Completely neutral.

Too neutral.

“You assholes,” she says, though it is without heat. “Would you have actually let me go through with that?”

Andy cackles and holds out her hand. Nicky pays her, which Nile thinks is fair, since he’s the one who gave the game away.

“I would have chosen some very nice outfits,” Joe says and he’s only pouting a little, so Nile laughs.

“Okay, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I had… someone back to the apartment. I just…”

“We know,” Nicky says.

“I mean, I know I’m an adult and it’s not a big deal, I just wanted to–”

“No, you don’t understand,” Andy interrupts. “We know.”

All the blood drains from Nile’s face. “Ah. When did you…?”

Nicky shrugs. “It was obvious you were texting him,” he says. “We were all in the room with you.”

Well, shit. She thought she’d been more subtle than that.

“And the rest?”

“Guessed you were meeting him about eighteen months ago,” Andy says. “The sex part is new.”

For a second, Nile prays for the ground to swallow her up. Then she realises who hasn’t spoken. She looks at Joe.

“You’re not mad at me, are you?”

He smiles and it reaches his eyes. “Of course not, habibti. But I still do not wish to see him. Not yet.”

“Yeah, okay… Okay.”

She’s relieved, and when Nicky kicks her gently under the table, she laughs, because they might not want to see Booker yet, but they’re clearly happy for what she’s found with him.

“I do have one question,” Nicky says. “Where was Booker hiding, when we, ah, interrupted you earlier? There is nowhere to hide in that room.”

“Uh…” Nile starts, but Andy beats her to it.

“His bare ass was hanging over the balcony,” she says. “I had a hunch; went around back to check.”

Nicky nods and then looks at Joe; there’s a dangerous gleam in his eye and Nile gets the feeling all the attention will be off her soon enough.

“Reminds me of Boston, hayati. Remember? When you–”

Joe throws a bread roll at him and Nile laughs. She really does love her new family – all of them, even if she can’t see them all at once.

[bakubabes-tatakae]

For The Love Of Humanity’s Strongest (Part Eight)

Author’s Note: If anyone wants to be in a taglist for this feel free to let me know! Happy to do it for anyone!

(Levi Ackerman x Reader)

Summary: When all seems lost Y/N knows that she can count on one person to always be there for her brother, Eren Jaeger, and herself. Can humanity’s strongest not only keep Eren in line, but keep his relationship alive as well?

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six: *NSFW Ahead!*, Part Seven

Part Eight:

Word Count: 2,046

We all gathered around the table, munching on your dinner, attempting to enjoy each other’s company. The squad was clearly still unsure of Eren as their conversation drifted from the recon mission we would all be enduring in a month's time to the fact that they still had no clue how Eren’s powers worked and didn’t trust him. Eld was the first to mention his concerns directly. “Think of how many people lost their lives in the fight to take back Wall Maria. Then hope comes in a form never expected.” He turned his gaze from his cup of tea to Eren. “One that we’re not even entirely sure that we can deal with.”

I was getting awfully tired at the wise cracks from the men of this squad toward my brother. My eyes turned to daggers and I could feel Levi nudge me with his foot, clearly knowing I was about to go off one him.

Eld continued, not even realizing that I had gotten angry. “Most of us still find it hard to believe, so how does it work? This whole changing into a Titan trick. Really.”

Eren was upset about them not trusting him as well, I could hear it in his voice. He didn’t blame them for it tho. “I wish I could tell you, but the fact is my memories are not clear. Guess it’s kind of like being in a trance.” His voice brightened up a little as he tried to explain anything he knew about his powers to them. “I do know that the trigger seems to be hurting myself in some way. Like biting my hand.”

Levi lifted his glass. “You’re not going to get anything out of him.” He took a sip. “Not that you know who won't have a go at it.” I shot him a glance, knowing full well who he was referring too. “You’ll be lucky to come out of it alive if that one lay into you.” He put his glass back down. “Of course, it’s only a matter of time.”

I growled at him. “Will you stop scaring him Levi?”

Eren’s face turned to terror. “Who are you talking about?”

Like she had been paged to the room we heard a loud bang. “OW!” Hange was here, announcing herself without really meaning too. Petra stood and grabbed the piece of wood that had been holding the door shut, allowing Hange to come in. Zoe rubbed her forehead, pain clearly emanating in that spot. “I’m so sorry.” She sauntered in. “Good evening Team Levi!” She raised a hand to us. “How is castle life treating everyone?”

Levi sighed. “You’re too early.”

“Am I? I suppose I couldn’t help myself.” She stood behind me.

Eren looked over at her. “Section Commander Hange?”

“Hello Eren. In the event you haven’t pieced it together yet it’s my job to spearhead the Scout Regiment’s research efforts. Essentially, I poke and prod our captive Titan specimens.” Her face lit up at the mention of her babies. “I’d very much like your help.”

Eren was confused. “My help? In what way? What would I have to do?” He looked at me, a clear look of wondering what to do being offered to me. I smiled at him to try to calm him.

“Join me of course.” Zoe’s face twisted in anticipation. “On a quest of scientific discovery.”

“I’m happy to help, except, I’m afraid it’s not up to me. I'm under close restrictions under order of the higher ups, you see.”

Hange was having none of that. She glanced up at Levi. “Levi, what’s on the docket for him tomorrow?”

Levi scoffed. “Clearing out all the weeds.”

“Excellent then. It’s a plan.” She knelt to him and grabbed his hand, glory shining in her brown eyes. “Young man, tomorrow will be grand.”

Eren looked nervous. “Oh...kay… but, uh, just so I’m clear, what exactly will I be doing?” She squeezed his hand more, causing him to wince a little. “Are you running experiments or something?”

We all looked around at each other, watching the look on Hange’s face. Her excitement was about to get the best of her as we all mumbled under our breath, hoping that Eren would hear it. Oluo grasped his tea cup. “Idiot, shut up.”

I cleared my throat, attempting to get my brother’s attention, mumbling as well. “Stop talking Eren.”

Hange stared longingly toward him. “Ahhh, I knew it, you possess a curious mind, just like your sister.”

We all started standing and walking slowly away from the table. Hange was about to go off on a tangent and none of us wanted to be caught in the crossfire. Levi wrapped his arm around my shoulder and led me toward the door. As we turned to leave I caught eyes with Eren. “Night little brother, good luck.”

Levi led us down the hallway, toward the room we would be staying while in this giant castle. He spoke as we walked. “You really need to cool it when it comes to Eren. I know you’re worried about him, but they’re your squad. You know they won’t do anything to hurt him unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

I sighed. “I know, it’s just hard when I know that they’re all after him. I know they’d all cut him down in two seconds if they had too, but I know that I couldn’t.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. That’s why the five of us are here. He’s your brother. Not a single one of them expect you to be able to do something like that. You’re the last person in the squad we would expect to lay a hand on him.”

* * * * * *

When we reached our door he moved his arm from my shoulder and opened the door for me. “Ladies first.” He motioned forward.

I entered the room. The stone walls of the castle didn’t let much heat in, the room was like an ice box. We each stripped our jackets off and boots and climbed eagerly into the bed, both exhausted from the events of the day.

The blankets weren’t doing any justice to the cold air that surrounded us so Levi wrapped an arm around me, pulling me as close to him as he could. I could feel his warm breath on my neck. I rolled over to face him and buried my face into his chest, nestling myself between his neck. “Levi?”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Yea?”

“Do you think we’ll ever lead a normal life?”

His eyes opened back up, gazing down upon me. “What do you mean by normal?”

“A life where the two of us can finally settle down. It’s been six years since we met Levi, we’ve had anything but a normal life together.” He ran my finger around the material of the shirt on his chest. “I want the normal life, or at least as normal as we’ll ever get. Sure, we have a place together, and that’s normal, but that’s not what I mean.”

“What’s a normal life for someone in the Scouts, Y/n? We barely spend any time at the house we share together.” He kissed the side of my head. “We see each other all the time, but I know what you mean. You mean the nice home life with the kids running around, stay at home mom, dad comes home from work to be greeted with open arms…We’ll never have exactly that.”

“Even just a part of it Levi… any of it.” I could feel a tear slide down my cheeks as I started to think about my mother and father. “I have no one but Eren from my family left levi. I’m never going to be the type that doesn’t want her own family. We always said we’d talk about this farther on down the road, that was years ago now, we’ve never even touched on the subject.”

“Think about our lives Y/n, what aspect of our lives even gives us time for kids? He ran a thumb over my cheek. “I’m not saying I don’t want any, I’m just saying that we have to think about everything when considering it.”

I sighed. “I know. I just… I want that feeling, the feeling of being a mother Levi, someone that will love you unconditionally, you can screw up a thousand times over but the love in their eyes will never change.”

“I’ll make a deal with you…” He was hesitant. “When we have your brother officially in our custody for good, when he’s officially a member of the scouts with no strings attached and we have no one els we have to worry about because we’re obligated too… we’ll at least stop trying to prevent it.”

My eyes lit up some. “You mean it Levi?”

He breathed out heavily. “I don’t mean we’re going to try to have a kid Y/n, we’re just not going to keep the possibility of it from happening anymore.” He closed his eyes as a smile tugged at his lips. “I guess I can’t admit that I wouldn’t mind having that same thing in the future. We’re thirty-two. I guess it’s now or never.”

I could feel the warmth in my cheeks building. “I love you Levi.” I curled myself into his body. “I can’t wait for that day to come, you’ll make the best dad.”

He huffed. “I love you too, Y/n.”

* * * * * *

Sun shone through the windows of the castle the next morning, Levi and I still intertwined together. If the sun hadn’t shone through so brightly we would probably have remained sleeping a lot longer. As I attempted to unwrap myself from him his grip tightened. “No, not yet.”

I laughed. “What do you mean Levi? It’s morning, it’s time to get up.” I tried again, the attempt was futile.

“Just lay here a little longer. I’m sure they’re all just getting up too.” He knew as well as I did that when we were all out together and working the other four people in the squad weren’t able to do anything for themselves, always looking to Levi on what to do next. “They’ll be able to get the day started without me.”

“Sure they will Levi.” I put my hand on his hip and placed my lips on his. “If we're going to lay here a little longer why don’t we make the most of it?”

I could feel Levi smile through the kiss, he pushed me onto my back and kept his lips to mine. “I don’t see why we shouldn’t.” A knock sounded on the door of our room and Levi broke off the kiss, annoyance painted on his face.. “Yea?”

It was Petra, the woman was always right on time to ruin any moment between us that she could. “Sorry sir, I heard you guys talking in here. We’re all up and ready to go, we just need our orders.”

Levi groaned and flopped onto the bed next to me. “I’ll be out in a minute, get everyone in the dining room, I’ll meet you all there.”

“Eren is already there sir, Hange never let him leave last night. He looked pretty exhausted.” She paused. “But I’ll get everyone together Captain.”

When Levi was sure she walked away he spoke. “Every time. Why do we even try to have moments when we’re on missions?”

I raised my eyebrows. “You’re asking me? The girl is in love with you Levi. She has been since the day you asked her to be in the squad.”

He glanced over at me. “Do I sense some jealousy Ms. Jaeger?”

I slapped his gut, sending him sitting up with surprise, but he laughed. “Shut up Ackerman. If anyone is jealous of anyone else it’s her.”

He sat up completely and grabbed his jacket off the chair next to the bed. “You know you have no reason to be, right?”

I brushed my hair back with my fingers. “I know Levi, I never doubt you. I know you better than that.”

Another smile tugged at his lips, turning to a smirk. “Good.” He kissed my forehead and exited the room, leaving me to get ready for the day in peace.

Taglist 💕 @gamegirl23100 @super-peace-fangirl @pjimochi @izzythefanfreak @echimozart @peachymochimochi @hunie-hun @absolute-randomness-forever @omg-lexiiloveyou @dazaismaniaclaugh @renaissance-tragedy @titaniabuck @primusk @always394patronus

[kindofcashton]

𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕕  •  chapter 17  (Calum Hood AU)

DESPITE THE STARTLING realization that I might in fact be in love with Calum, I didn’t act any differently.  I didn’t hover or cling to him like annoying, love-struck girls would.  In fact, I was almost more distant, using it as a safety precaution in case he caught on to my intensifying feelings.  One night I casually suggested we sleep apart, even though the thought pained me.  Calum’s reluctance was a comfort, but even still he ended up agreeing.  That was one of the longest nights of my life; I laid for hours just staring at the ceiling, wondering if Calum felt as empty as I did without a warm body laying next to mine.

Things at the house were also just better all around.  With Ashton and Hannah on good terms again, the group was tentatively back together.  I interrogated Hannah for answers on what had happened, if their relationship was slowly reforming.  She dodged most of my tougher questions, insisting that they’d put aside any bad blood for the sake of the group.  I didn’t entirely buy this; something definitely happened, but for whatever reason Hannah wasn’t ready to tell me.  I didn’t demand any more details, seeing as I was withholding plenty myself.  Hannah thought Calum and I were just fooling around, no strings attached.  While that was what was supposed to be going on, my feelings lately had confused things.  By no means was I going to tell a soul what I felt, but even keeping it inside still made the whole thing feel different.  I leaned deeper into Calum’s kisses, I held his gaze longer when he rocked inside of me.  My body was communicating all on its own, and I just hoped Calum didn’t catch on to these subtle changes.

After a particularly hot and passionate night together, I was frantic to go off to work.  Calum’s heady pants still echoed in my ears, the burn of his fingers still lingering on my skin.  As I sat on the edge of the bed lacing up my sneakers, I felt warm lips press into my neck, and goosebumps raised immediately where he kissed me.

“Back for more?” I joked, not looking over my shoulder.  I’d woken up before him to get ready, leaving him peacefully asleep, or so I thought.  He swiveled his body to sit next to mine on the bed, shoulder bumping my own.  Calum was clad only in black athletic shorts, his toned torso on teasing display.

His nose nestled into my neck, making my lashes flutter.  “I can be quick,” he whispered in a sultry tone, and I pushed him away with a snort.

“I think I’ll need more time to recover after what you did last night,” I reminded him, feeling the residual ache between my legs.  Calum left me the sore in the best way possible, and all day I would have a reminder of his body’s wicked tricks.

Calum smirked at me, flopping over onto the mattress with his hand over his abdomen.  He looked beautifully relaxed, jawline framed by the morning light, his eyes drowsy but content.  I’d never seen him so happy, and for a second I wondered if it was more than just the sex that made him feel this way.

“How long’s your shift?” he asked, eyes closing with a yawn.  I grabbed my bag off the floor and shouldered it with a sigh.

“Long,” I said simply, not looking forward to the strenuous hours ahead.  With community college tuition looming, I asked Mack for as many shifts as I could get, just in case I felt tight on money.  I’d rather have more than enough than barely enough, even if it meant working excruciating hours.  

Calum frowned.  “You’re working so much lately.”  There was an edge to his voice, like he disapproved.

I ran a hand through my hair in aggravation.  “What else am I supposed to do?  My life is getting back on track, and that means more bills to pay.”  I tried to stifle the resentment bubbling up inside me; Calum lounged around day in and day out, doing what he wanted when he wanted to.  Week after week he tore open the checks his mother sent, tossing them carelessly onto his desk.  Usually this didn’t come between us, but with my increased schedule I couldn’t help but feel bitter about his lazy routine.

Clearly a similar thought crossed his mind, and his frown deepened.  He didn’t say anything else, instead taking on a guarded expression.  He was so hard to read sometimes, and when I wanted him to open up he just shut down.  I had no idea how he felt about me going back to school; part of me thought he didn’t care, but another part wondered if he felt insecure that I was growing up and making a life for myself while he wasted time doing nothing important.  I wished he would tell me if he felt this way, but of course he never did.  We didn’t talk about anything that wasn’t surface level, which was fine when we were in our peaceful little bubble.

But I had to live in reality, which meant popping that bubble more frequently.  I couldn’t let Calum distract me from my more important goals, and he just had to learn to deal with my busy lifestyle.

As I was tying my hair into a messy ponytail, Calum suddenly asked, “When do you get off?”

“Seven,” I answered.  “It’s a ten-hour shift with only one lunch break.  I might drop dead from exhaustion.”  A second passed, and I chewed my lip as an idea popped into my head.  “Want to get dinner after I’m finished?”

For some reason this caused Calum to lean up, his posture stiff and his expression incredulous.  “What?”

My brows knit together, puzzled at his odd reaction.  “Dinner.  I’ll be starved after my shift, so I thought you could join me.”

His frown turned into a glare.  “Like a date?”  He sounded defensive and mocking, which didn’t help my already exacerbated mood.

“What, we can’t eat a meal together?  Is that against some hook-up rule or something?”  I couldn’t control the annoyance in my voice; why did Calum always have to complicate things?

“I don’t know, dinner just seems like a weird thing to do.”  I had no idea what he meant by ‘weird’, and his unreadable expression didn’t help me figure it out.

“Whatever, Calum,” I refuted.  “Forget I asked.”  I was already late for work and had to catch the bus, so I didn’t bother staying to bicker any longer.  Admittedly, it hurt that he was so against the idea of us spending time together outside of the bedroom.  I’d suggested dinner as more of a friendship thing than anything else; after all, there was a time when the two of us actually liked one another.

I didn’t realize Calum had followed me until I reached the front door, but his arm blocked me from opening it.  He’d thrown on a shirt and shoes, and his lips were pressed together in a thin line.

Fuming, I crossed my arms and demanded he move.  “I’m late for work, Calum.”

“No, you’re late for the bus,” he countered.  “So let me drive you, and that’ll solve the problem.”  For such a considerate offer, he didn’t sound too nice about it.  His scowl seemed permanently etched on as I followed him to his car.

We drove in silence for a few minutes, not even the sound of the radio to alleviate the tension.  Calum’s knuckles were white as he gripped the wheel, and I leaned as far away from him as possible.

Sensing my irritation, he asked, “Are you gonna be pissed at me for the whole day?”  He sounded accusing, which only made me more infuriated.

“No, Calum.  I’m not gonna waste that much time on you.”  Realizing how harsh the words sounded, I backtracked.  “I just thought we could eat some stupid grilled cheese sandwiches together and maybe do something different for a change.  God forbid I want to spend time with you.”

More silence, so I thought the conversation was over.  But then I glanced over and saw an odd look on his face, almost resembling guilt.

“So it’s not a date?” he reiterated, and I let out an enormous sigh.

“I literally just want to eat food, and not do it alone,” I insisted, so beyond done with this conversation.  But Calum seemed satisfied with my answer, and eased up his tight grip on the wheel.

“Okay, so I’ll pick you up.”  He met my eyes as he pulled into a parking spot near the cafe, stopping the car and filling the air with quiet.  I tried desperately to see the thoughts swirling behind his level brown gaze, but it was a hopeless task.  At least he wasn’t hostile anymore.  I sighed again, hoping my annoyance was well communicated so he knew not to pull this shit again.

“I’ll see you later,” I told him before closing the car door.  I stalked towards the coffee shop, grabbing the strap of my bag for support as I refused to look back.

Roger knew something was up the minute I started working.  I moved angrily as I made the coffees, sighing every so often and grimacing rather than smiling at the customers.  It would be a long day.

“Who pissed in your morning coffee?” he joked after a particularly bad exchange with a customer.  The guy had demanded I remake his cappuccino because it “didn’t taste right”, and when my polite apology wasn’t ass-kissing enough for him he accused me of being a miserable, lazy youth.  I seriously contemplated throwing the hot coffee in his face, but reminded myself I was working these stupid shifts for a reason.  My future.

“Just having a bad day, I guess,” I replied vaguely, but this didn’t satisfy Roger.

“Trouble in paradise, eh?  What’s he done now?”

I couldn’t help but smile at how Roger always jumped to my defense, always blaming Calum when things went wrong.  “I told him I was working late and suggested we get dinner, then he flipped out because he thought I meant it as a date.”

This intrigued Roger, who raised his eyebrows in pleasant surprise.  “Interesting.  He could be using reverse psychology.  I’ll bet he actually does want to go on a date, but wants you to think that he doesn’t.”  Roger tapped the side of his head.  “Smart cookie.”

I laughed, beginning to wipe down the counters after the first morning rush.  “I’m a psychology major and I still can’t figure out what goes in his mind,” I joked.  “I just thought it would be nice to do something together.  Other than what we always do.”  At my insinuation, Roger giggled like a schoolboy.

“Ah, yes, the sex has reached the boring stage, has it?”

I shook my head firmly.  “No, not at all.  It’s still great, just...”  I exhaled sharply, frustrated with the whole situation.  “I really thought it was just gonna be dinner, but then he had to make it weird.  And he was being weird about me working so much, too.  I don’t know what his problem is lately.”

Roger nodded along to my rant, considering the dilemma.  “Well, that’s obvious at least.  He feels left behind.”

I waved the rag excitedly.  “That’s what I thought!  I mean, he doesn’t have any idea what he’s doing, and I have every idea.  I thought maybe he was jealous or insecure, but he’d definitely rather die than tell me this.”

“He’s a guy like that.  We don’t like feeling inferior, and when we do we totally deal with it the wrong way,” Roger informed me.  “He doesn’t know how to process these complex emotions so he’s shutting them out.”

I smiled.  “You don’t need to tell me twice.  Classic defense mechanisms, disconnection from his feelings...”  I trailed off, suddenly feeling guilty.  I shouldn’t psychoanalyze Calum, not when I knew how much he hated that side of me.  But I couldn’t help it when he was being so difficult.

Resting my elbows on the counter, my smile faded into a worried frown.  “What do I do, Roger?  I thought we were in a good place, but lately it just doesn’t feel right anymore.”

“Don’t give up yet,” Roger suggested.  “Give it a little more time.  But if Calum doesn’t start making some changes, cut him loose.  You’ve got better things to deal with than his emotional immaturity.”  Despite the harsh criticism, I knew Roger was right.  Whatever I felt towards Calum didn’t matter if he was jeopardizing my future, and I couldn’t keep dealing with his detached feelings when it made me so exhausted.

For once I actually dreaded the end of my shift.  I had no idea what mood Calum would be in when he picked me up--or if he would even pick me up at all.  I wouldn’t put it past him to abandon me, especially if he wanted to avoid an uncomfortable conversation.  

I ended up cleaning the whole dining area twice, and even resorted to re-mopping the floor which was practically sparkling already.  Roger played along with this for as long as he could, but even his patience was wearing thin.

“We got off half an hour ago, Scarlett,” he criticized, snatching the mop out of my hand.  “I’m going blind from all the sparkly-clean surfaces inside this cafe.”

I sighed, placing my hands on my hips.  “I know, you’re right.  I just...when I’m nervous I like to fix things and be productive, so cleaning--”

“Yeah, yeah, your fatal flaw is that you care too much and you clean all the time.  I swear, you act like you’re the worst person alive when those are barely flaws.”  Roger’s tone was light, but I couldn’t help but look deeper into his joke.  Did Calum think that I didn’t believe I had any flaws?  Caring too much is barely even a character flaw, but that’s what he threw in my face constantly.  Maybe he thought I put myself on a pedestal above him, and that’s why he felt so insecure.

I decided I would try to be less condescending and more open when it came to Calum’s feelings.  I only hoped he would actually appreciate this effort, and maybe start making some positive changes of his own.

The sun was bleeding into the sky as it set below the horizon, casting a pale orange glow about the earth.  I glanced around outside the cafe, searching for that signature red mustang that always made my heart skip a beat.

Sure enough, it was parked right across the street, and Calum was leaning casually against it.  He looked good; typical black jeans and sneakers with a big red flannel over a band shirt.  My face broke into a surprise smile; I remembered wearing that shirt just a few nights ago.

When I approached, Calum’s brows raised disbelievingly.  “What’s with the face?” he questioned, referring to my dumb grin. 

I shrugged.  “I don’t know, I guess I wasn’t exactly sure if you’d show up.”  It was an honest answer, and I didn’t think lying or placating Calum would help either of us.

His lips twisted into a sardonic smirk.  “Of course I showed up; I would never miss our date.”  He said this with obvious bitter sarcasm, but the crinkles around his eyes softened the delivery.  I rolled my eyes, amused by his stubborn refusal to get over the whole “date” thing.

“I’m starved, where should we go?”  I’d eat just about anything right now, but a grilled cheese sounded particularly mouth-watering.

“Luke says there’s a new diner open by the music shop.  Says it’s more upscale than the truck-stop places we always go to.”

I nodded, pleased with the idea of trying out a new place with Calum.  This felt like something regular friends did, and although Calum and I were definitely out of the ordinary, I enjoyed it nonetheless.

The diner was fairly packed when we got there, but we managed to snag one of the last open booths.  There was no question about what we’d order; as soon as the waitress showed up, we asked for two grilled cheeses.

I sipped my coke and gazed out the window at the bustling city streets.  My muscles relaxed into the cushioned booth as the day’s stress lifted from my shoulders.  Work was taxing, as always, but worth it in the end.  

Neither of us minded the quiet, since we were so used to each other’s presence.  A few times I felt Calum’s knee brush mine under the table, and my lips twitched at this subtle motion.

“Why’d you get out so late?  Mack ask you to stay longer?”  Calum twirled his unopened plastic straw between his fingers, and for a second the movement mesmerized me as I thought about his skilled fingers.

“No, I just wanted to clean the place up.  I didn’t have to stay.”

Calum scoffed lightly, and I worried I said something wrong.  “Always so selfless,” he muttered, but I couldn’t detect if he was joking or not.  “Do you ever do anything wrong?”

The question was rhetorical, but I took the opportunity to open up a little and show Calum that I could be vulnerable.  “Yeah, all the time.  What do you think me lying to everyone was about?”

He frowned, unsatisfied by the answer.  “You lied out of loyalty to a friend, that’s hardly wrong.”

“Okay, then I leech off all of you by living rent-free.  I’m cheap, I’m a cheap-skate.”  I was grasping at straws, anything to show that I didn’t think I was some perfect angel.  And I didn’t.  I knew I was flawed and I hated that Calum thought I wasn’t; that would just set him up to be disappointed when he realized I wasn’t as amazing as he thought.

Calum just rolled his eyes at this attempt.  “You whine about feeling bad every day, that’s hardly being a leech.”

Sitting back with a defeated sigh, I demanded, “Well, what do you want me to say?  I’m showing you everything I do wrong and you’re denying all of it.”

“Because you don’t do anything wrong.  You’re so kind it makes my teeth hurt, and there’s never a doubt in anyone’s mind that you’re genuine.  You’re perfect, Scarlett.”  He said this matter-of-fact, like I was a little kid he was explaining something very simple to.

I ignored the way his final sentence made me feel.  You’re perfect, Scarlett.  Did he really see me that way?  Was I perfect to him?  Or perfect for him?  I hoped it was the latter, and bit my lip to hide my inner turmoil.  Calum danced along a very thin line all the time: the line between what we were now, and what I secretly wanted us to be.  What kind of friend-with-benefits says you’re perfect?  I tried to convince myself he didn’t mean it, that it was supposed to be mocking, but the sincerity in his eyes was telling me otherwise.

Thankfully, the waitress interrupted us with food and gave us both an excuse to change the subject.  As soon as she left, Calum and I collectively cringed; the sandwiches were cut down the middle.

Calum exhaled gravely, shaking his head.  “Gonna have to tell Luke this place isn’t so great after all.  I mean, they really fucked up here.”

I laughed, pretending to push my plate away.  “Get that waitress back here, we’ll set her straight.”  As we both joked over the grilled cheese, any intensity or confusion from before was banished.  The meal was quickly over, and I won the argument for which of us would pay for the food.  While we got up to leave, Calum grumbled about having to take me out again so that he could pay and make us even.

When he said this, I had to hide my blushing smile.

The night wasn’t too cold, and we decided to walk for a little bit before driving home.  Our hands swayed close to one another’s, and I willed Calum to twine his fingers with my own.  But the backs of our palms grazed a few times, and he made no move to change this.

As we passed by a familiar building, I pointed it out to Calum.  “That’s one of the places Hannah and I looked at.  The apartment is actually pretty nice, but there’s god-awful green bathroom tile that makes me nauseous just looking at it.”

Calum smiled vaguely, his expression distant.  “You can’t live there, the location is awful.”

I knitted my brows together.  “It’s right by the coffee shop.”

He shook his head.  “Yeah, but way too far from the house.  We’re never gonna see you guys if you live there.”

I chuckled, looking down at the pavement as we walked.  “I think you just don’t want me to move out,” I concluded.

Calum’s smile tightened.  “Yeah, who else would constantly wear the shirts that are supposed to be mine?”

My shoulder nudged him jokingly as I teased, “Admit it, you love seeing me in your tee shirts.”

He paused in walking, and my grin faded.  Had I been too serious?  Was using the word love a mistake?  Panic welled up in my chest, and I feared I ruined an otherwise perfect evening.

And then all of a sudden his phone began to ring, and I let out a breath I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding.  Saved by the bell, I thought, wondering what would have happened if we weren’t interrupted.

Calum fished through his pocket for his phone, pulling it out and glancing at the screen.  His expression immediately darkened, and my stomach sank upon seeing this.

“Who is it?”  It was a stupid question, because I knew he wouldn’t answer.  Calum squared his shoulders and started walking, leaving me to hurriedly catch up to him.

“No one,” he snapped when I reached him, anticipating my badgering questions.  “Drop it, okay?”

I opened my mouth to protest, but then remembered the promise I’d made to myself earlier.  Don’t be condescending.  So I kept my mouth shut, and instead focused on keeping up with Calum’s long strides.

He glanced at me a few times, surprised I wasn’t trying to get answers out of him.  Once I met his eyes, and saw the deep thought hiding behind his brown orbs.  I wished he’d let me in on what he was thinking, but I settled with not knowing.  

A minute passed, and then his phone chimed, indicating the caller had left a voicemail.  We both tensed, but I didn’t expect him to listen to it.

So I was surprised when he whipped his phone out and brought it to his ear, stopping again to listen to the message.  I stood a few feet from him, keeping enough distance that I couldn’t eavesdrop on the call, even though I was dying to know who it was.

I watched Calum’s face as he listened, taking in the subtle narrowing of his eyes, the lowering of his brow in shock.  His lips parted, and all I wanted to do was kiss away the storm brewing behind his eyes.

The voicemail ended, and Calum shoved his phone back in his pocket.  But this time when he tried to continue walking, I stopped him, stepping in front of his chest and placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Calum,” I started gently, lifting my eyes to his.  He avoided my quizzical stare, breathing hard.  “What is it?  What’s wrong?  You can tell me.”

He pushed a hand roughly through his hair, glaring everywhere but at me.  “It’s nothing, Scarlett.  Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m not,” I defended.  “But maybe you should since whoever it is makes you feel this angry.”

Finally he turned his angry eyes on me, and I inhaled sharply at the fury I saw there.  “Fine, it was my mother who called.  Satisfied?”  He pushed me aside in order to storm off, and I was too stunned to move for a moment.

But then I jogged to catch up, breathless and confused.  “Your mother?  What did she want?  I thought she only reaches out through the checks.”

Calum looked ready to boil over.  “She does, but apparently she felt the need to call me.”  He appeared to be fighting over his next words, before finally stating, “She wants me to come home for a visit.”

I took a minute to let this information sink in.  Instinctively I was thrilled; his mother reaching out was a promising sign that their fractured relationship could be healed.  But then I considered the ramifications of her request.  She wouldn’t just ask out of the blue if something else wasn’t going on.  And she had to know that Calum wasn’t exactly warm and fuzzy when it came to family stuff, so why not go about it delicately, not so sudden and shocking?

I tried in vain to read Calum’s expression, finding nothing but frustration and anger.  It pained me to see him so tense, but I didn’t just want to coddle him, I wanted to help him.

“Why not go?” I proposed softly, trying not to set him off.  “It might be good to see her.”

Calum snickered at this, and I winced.  “You’re shitting me, right?”  He sounded harsh and mocking, and I struggled to hold my ground.

“I know you’re confused and hurting,” I said firmly.  “But you don’t have to take it out on me.  I just want to help you.”

“Of course you do, because I’m your favorite little charity case,” he retaliated.  “Give it a rest, Scarlett.  I don’t need you smothering me.”

Fuming, I folded my arms and didn’t shy away from his steely gaze.  “No, Calum.  You can be an asshole and you can bitch about whatever you want, but don’t you dare take it out on me.  I’m just suggesting you patch up your relationship with your mother, or at least give it a try--”

“What makes you think you know what’s best for me?” he snarled.  “You don’t know me, you have no right to tell me what to do.  We’re not even friends, so why do you care?”

I huffed in disbelief, pressing a hand to my forehead.  “Why do I care?  Maybe because I’m not an emotionless husk who has no idea how to express his feelings!  We’re sleeping together for God’s sake--”

“And that makes us what, a couple?  You think you’re my girlfriend?  We’re not even friends, Scarlett.”  

Each word cut me like a knife, voicing the exact anxieties that had been eating away at me for weeks.  “I know we’re not, which is why I wanted to go to dinner and spend some freaking time together!”  I was embarrassed at how high my voice had gotten, how pathetic I sounded when I was trying to defend myself.

Calum chuckled darkly.  “I don’t want to be friends with you.  You always do this, you always force your way into other people’s problems because you think it involves you when it doesn’t.”  His hard eyes met mine.  “You’re nothing more than a good lay, and I can get that anywhere.”

I tried to remember how to breathe as I watched his figure get smaller and smaller, walking farther and farther away from me.  Each step he took was a stab to my heart, until he was out of view and I was left bleeding alone in the street.

[cosmic-goddess-leo]

First Love / Late Spring Finale

Kuroo Tetsuro x Reader

Series Summary: Reader was once a nationally recognized volleyball player until an injury she suffered her last year of high school. She and Kuroo knew each other vaguely through a mutual friend but lost contact after her injury. Now they attend the same University in Tokyo and are beginning to reconnect.

Chapter Summary: Kuroo deals with the fallout of Bokuto and (Y/n)’s talk. Spring finally arrives.

Word Count: 4300

Author’s Note: Well, we’re finally at the end! I try not to make chapter fics too long, so this is ending at 6 chapters. I hope you all have enjoyed this series as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you for reading!

The next day was very quiet. Kuroo had gone about his regular Sunday routine, all while waiting for a text from (Y/n) telling him if she and Bokuto had talked and how it went.

He had heard no yelling through the walls, so that was a good sign. He didn’t want them to fight, of course. Bokuto was his friend, and (Y/n) was obviously very special to him.

He continued waiting until the sun went down. He was sitting out on his balcony for the assignment he had mentioned to (Y/n) the night before.

The chilly autumn air sent him inside to retrieve a blanket. His phone outside finally gave the tone he had been waiting so long for. He almost crashed into the balcony railing when he went to retrieve it.

Can I come over?

Yes. Always.

Kuroo was at his front door before (Y/n) even knocked. He opened it to see (Y/n) standing there, eyes puffy and cheeks wet.

The two stood there silently, looking at one another. Neither knowing what to say.

Kuroo wordlessly opened his arms. (Y/n) wrapped her arms around his waist without hesitation and buried her face in his chest. He carefully pulled her into the apartment before closing the door behind them.

(Y/n) squirmed slightly, prompting Kuroo to loosen his grip. She wiped her eyes and sighed deeply, looking up at him.

“I take it you and Bokuto talked...?” He asked, watching her nod in response.

“Yeah... what was the assignment?”

Kuroo smiled slightly before ushering her to the balcony. “I just have to get a picture of the lunar eclipse for extra credit... so you can’t change the subject.”

A small smile tugged at (Y/n)’s lips as she sat in one of the lawn chairs Kuroo had set out. He draped the blanket over their laps and gave her a look prompting her to speak.

“I told him how I feel.” she said simply.

Kuroo raised an eyebrow at her. “And how do you feel?”

(Y/n) stared up at him, hoping he would budge and not make her talk about it. Eventually she gave a sigh and turned away from him to look at the sky.

“I told him that he’s a great friend... he loves hard... but it’s only when I’m hurting that he shows it.” (Y/n) explained, “It was kinda different back at Fukurodani... he was always close with me, so sweet... Then after I broke my ankle it all changed. Once I healed he just dropped off the face of the earth until graduation... when he heard my mom didn’t bother coming... Then every time I was miserable he was there, but never any other time... It kinda made me want to always be miserable, yknow?” she asked, quickly glancing at Kuroo.

“My mom has always been the same way... Two people who I thought loved me only do it when I’m suffering. That’s no way to live... sabotaging yourself so you can feel love.” (Y/n) began to tremble and her voice wavered.

Kuroo gently wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close as she fought her tears.

“I’m just so tired... I want to feel loved always, not just when I’m in pain.” She sniffled, wiping at her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket.

Kuroo nodded, “And that’s reasonable... you shouldn’t have to ask for affection from the people who claim to care for you. They should just give it to you...no strings attached.”

(Y/n) sighed softly and slightly leaned away from him, causing him to loosen his arm around her. “Yeah... and that’s what I told him...”

“How’d he take it?” He asked, watching her adjust herself in the chair.

“He was upset... he didn’t know he was doing it, so I can’t really blame him... but I told him I don’t want to see him for a while...” She said.

Kuroo could sense there was more she wanted to say, and she wasn’t saying what was on her mind. “(Y/n)?”

She fought the urge to bite her lip, instead she fiddled with the blanket. “I don’t think I should see you for a while either... at least, not the way you want to see me...”

Kuroo felt his stomach twist. “Oh...”

“I like you a lot, I really do,” (Y/n) hurriedly added, “I just... I think I loved Bokuto... I can’t just dive into something with you. Otherwise you’re just a rebound... I don’t want that...”

Kuroo frowned and looked down at his lap. “I understand... I won’t push you... as long as we can continue being friends...”

“Yeah... Of course...” She said, mimicking him and staring down at herself.

They both went quiet, neither one knowing what else there was to say. Kuroo opted to watch the sky for the eclipse, knowing if he looked at her he would probably do something stupid.

“Why am I here?” (Y/n) suddenly asked, looking up at Kuroo.

“Like...” He paused, “on this earth...?”

(Y/n) couldn’t help but chuckle, “No... on your balcony... Why do you want me here...”

Kuroo finally looked back at her, feeling like his heart was ready to lurch out of his chest. How was he supposed to reveal all these feelings without ruining their agreement?

“I want to know you... I think we all deserve to feel known by someone...” He said, staring deep into her eyes.

(Y/n) sniffled softly before forcing her eyes off him and to the eclipse. “It’s started... Want me to get the picture?”

Kuroo bit his lip, ignoring the prick of pain and grabbing his phone. “I was just going to get it myself...”

“Shouldn’t you be in it? So your professor knows you didn’t just get it off the internet?” She asked.

Kuroo smiled slightly before handing her the phone and posing with his back to the moon. He had a sad smile in the picture, he was hoping he wouldn’t have to look at it aside from showing it to his professor.

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(Y/n) and Kuroo continued on as if their kiss had never happened. They passed notes in their classes, studied together, saw movies and ate meals together.

It was hard for Kuroo not to flirt every now and then, especially with how playful the two always were. But he minded his boundaries, knowing if he didn’t she would be hurt.

Before they knew it, the end of the semester had hit and it was time to leave for winter break. Kuroo’s family lived in the city, he would only have to take a cab to go home and visit.

(Y/n), however, would have to take a train home and would be gone the entire break.

Kuroo hoped that would be an adequate amount of time for her to sort things out. He had offered to take her out on a small ‘friend date,’ as she called it. Then he would take her to the train station the next morning to bid her farewell.

He opted to take her to the ramen shop by their apartments. He knew if he took her somewhere too nice it would come off as a date-date. Plus, the shop had enough special memories to compensate for the lack of mood-lighting or general romantic ambiance.

They agreed to go after their class’ Christmas party they convinced their professor to host. Their classroom was decorated with all sorts of Christmas decorations, one of the abandoned side-tables had been covered with all sorts of treats, and presents had been set in one of the corners of the room.

Kuroo wasn’t too comfortable leaving the gift he had gotten for (Y/n) there, especially since this was the class they had with Kaito. He figured it would be best to give it to her himself during the gift exchange.

They spent the majority of the party together, much to Kuroo’s relief given that Kaito was very much present. He hadn’t caused anymore trouble for Kuroo or (Y/n), but that didn’t mean Kuroo didn’t still have his guard up.

Kuroo’s shoulders had tensed, the feeling of daggers being glared at him sending a chill up his spine. The sensation was cut short once (Y/n) placed a gentle hand on Kuroo’s shoulder, bringing his attention to her.

“Hey, something got you distracted?” She asked, a look of concern on her face.

Kuroo relaxed at her touch, giving her a small, reassuring smile. “Just feels kind of awkward...”

(Y/n) smiled slightly, removing her hand from his shoulder and tapping her fingers against the paper cup of hot cocoa she had been given. “It’s only awkward if you make it awkward, Tetsu.”

Kuroo sighed softly, taking a sugar cookie from the table nearby and biting into it. “Well, most of the class knows I beat the shit out of Kaito. Sooo it’s kind of everyone’s fault it’s awkward, no?”

(Y/n) rolled her eyes playfully and lightly nudged him with her elbow. “It’s hard to forget when you keep reminding them.”

Kuroo chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. “Not my fault I’m such a badass.”

(Y/n) raised an eyebrow at him, smirking slightly as she reached forward and wiped a few crumbs from the corner of his lip with her thumb. “Oh yeah, such a badass.”

Kuroo blushed and chuckled slightly, finishing off the cookie and wiping his hand on his pants.

“Why don’t we get out of here...?” (Y/n) asked, stepping closer to Kuroo and lowering her voice. “This is fun and all but I’m getting really hungry...”

Kuroo smiled slightly, assuring her he’d come up with a good excuse to leave the party before the gift exchange. He told their professor he had planned an ‘extra special dinner’ for the two of them, and that he saw no gifts for them in the pile anyway. The professor sent them off with two small goodie bags and wished them a Merry Christmas.

Kuroo couldn’t help the rush of adrenaline he felt when he saw (Y/n) wearing the jacket he had lent her a couple months prior. The black material complimented the red sweater-dress and her black boots perfectly. It took him a minute to realize he had been staring at her, and it took him even longer to stop himself.

He finally looked away when (Y/n) held her hand out to him. The coy look she gave him told him she noticed his staring. He took her hand, hoping she would interpret the redness in his cheeks as a side effect from the cold rather than her touch.

At one point during the walk (Y/n) leaned in closer to him, whining about her choice of clothing that night. Kuroo sighed dramatically as he pulled her to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk.

He took off his scarf and wrapped it around her, smiling at her despite her protests. “You already took my jacket, it’s my official mission to keep you from becoming a (Y/n)-cicle.”

(Y/n) eventually caved, keeping on his scarf the rest of the walk to the ramen shop.

Once they arrived, they picked their usual secluded table. Kuroo ordered their food, already having memorized (Y/n)’s usual order. He joined her at their table, stopping in place when he noticed a wrapped gift in his seat.

“And what’s this?” He smirked, picking up the present and setting it on the table so he could sit.

“Just a little something I had in my bag...” (Y/n) smiled, looking between him and the box.

Kuroo hummed softly, zipping open his bag and pulling out (Y/n)’s gift. “What a coincidence! I just so happened to have this in my bag!” He set the box on the table, sliding it towards (Y/n).

“You open yours fiiiirst! I wanna see your reaction!” She said, bouncing in her chair excitedly.

Kuroo chuckled before taking the present and ripping the paper away. He opened the box, revealing a small, colorful voucher nestled in red tissue paper. He picked up the card, reading through it carefully before his jaw dropped.

“I didn’t think they even had one of these...” He mumbled.

(Y/n) smiled proudly, “They do now! A couple of cooking podcasters I follow had a discount code. You are now one of the first subscribers of the Mackin-on-Mackerel club! Now you get a box every month with ingredients for a new mackerel recipe!”

Kuroo swore he could feel a tear in his eye. It was too early to say he loved her. But damn. He felt it.

“Do you need a minute, Tetsu? Cuz I’d like to open my gift now.” (Y/n) teased, taking the small box and looking over the gold wrapping paper.

Kuroo wiped at his fake tears, earning a giggle from (Y/n). He composed himself and motioned towards her gift. “Have at it!”

(Y/n) smiled excitedly and tore at the paper. Kuroo noticed the look in her eyes shift when she read the logo on the small, black jewelry box. She slowly opened it, her eyes softening when she saw the small gold necklace inside.

The delicate gold chain sparkled under the Christmas lights adorning the walls of the shop. A small pendant of a jade crescent moon with gold accents was the centerpiece of the gift. Kuroo would never tell her how much it cost or that it was custom-made by a family friend.

Kuroo shifted slightly in his chair, trying and failing to hide his nervousness. “Do you like it...?”

(Y/n) carefully held the pendant in her hands, studying its beauty before a smile erupted on her face. She bit her lip and nodded quickly. “I love it... It’s perfect...”

Kuroo breathed a sigh of relief. His mind trailed off to the second gift in his bag, conflicted on whether or not he should give it to her.

“Will you help me put it on?”

Oh fuck. OH FUCK.

Kuroo quickly nodded and got out of his chair, moving behind (Y/n) and carefully taking the chain as she lifted her hair for him. The sight of her bare neck had him internally hollering for help. He clasped the chain and moved back to his seat, smiling softly as she admired it.

“It suits you...” He sighed, the moment cut short as their order number was called.

Kuroo could sense the aura shift between the two after he gave her that gift. Yes, they still talked and joked as usual, but there was a look in (Y/n)’s eyes that had him enveloped in a sweet fog every time he met her gaze.

The walk to their apartment was silent. (Y/n) had taken his hand the second they walked out into the cold, and she leaned into him slightly as they walked. As if the tension couldn’t get thicker, it began to snow.

This was all one big cliche but dammit, Kuroo liked cliches. He liked being cheesy and romantic. But if (Y/n) wasn’t ready, he wouldn’t push her.

They made it to their apartments without any romantic incidents. Kuroo could tell there was something (Y/n) wanted to say. Instead she wished him goodnight before going into her apartment.

--------------------------------------

“You’re sure you have everything? Keys? Wallet? Phone? Taser? Drugs?”

“Kuroo! Shh!” (Y/n) hissed, lightly smacking Kuroo’s arm as he snickered. “You’re gonna get me kicked out of the station.”

Kuroo snickered, “Relax, no one heard me. Everyone’s too busy getting to their trains.” He motioned towards all the people hurriedly passing by the bench they sat on.

(Y/n) sighed quietly before snuggling into him. Kuroo smiled softly, noticing the necklace he had given her placed over the black turtleneck she wore. At least she wasn’t hiding it.

“How are you feeling about seeing your dad?” he asked.

(Y/n) gave him a small smile before glancing down at her phone. “He called me twice this morning to make sure I had everything and was ready to come home... I’m really excited to see him. I think this is what I need.”

Kuroo smiled, “I’m sure you’re going to have a lot of fun with him...” Sure, Kuroo was sad (Y/n) would be leaving, but he knew how much she was looking forward to being home for the break.

Before he could say anything else, the train they had been waiting for finally pulled into the station and began boarding.

Kuroo helped carry (Y/n)’s bags to the train, stopping just short of the door and leaving enough room for the other passengers to board. (Y/n) gave him a questioning glance.

“Before you go, I wanted to give you one last gift.” Kuroo said, fishing around in his jacket pocket.

“Is it my hashbrowns that you stole this morning?” (Y/n) asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

Kuroo pulled an envelope out of his coat, holding it out to her silently. She slowly took it from him, looking over the plain red paper before looking back at him.

“I didn’t want to give it to you last night...” He admitted, staring down at the envelope. “Just... don’t read it until Christmas, okay?”

(Y/n) bit her lip before slowly nodding and putting the envelope in her jacket pocket. “Okay... I can get my bags from here, thank you so much for dropping me off.”

“No problem,” He smiled. “And just let me know when you’re coming back. I’ll pick you up.”

(Y/n) smiled and pulled him into a tight hug. He quickly returned the embrace, inhaling her scent one last time. “Merry Christmas, Tetsu...”

“Merry Christmas, (Y/n)...”

The two slowly parted. Kuroo thought he saw a tear slip down her cheek, but she quickly picked up her bags and got on the train.

Kuroo backed farther onto the platform, watching as the doors shut and the passengers all took their seats. He could see (Y/n) from her seat, her eyes never leaving him as the train slowly departed. She quickly raised her hand, giving him a small wave that he returned. Then the train took off, and (Y/n) was gone.

--------------------------------------

Kuroo would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous when Christmas rolled around. He was thankfully distracted by his family, so the fact that (Y/n) hadn’t texted or called about the letter didn’t have him completely dying on the inside.

He wasn’t sure if he regretted giving her the letter or not. Surely she would have told him if she was upset, right?

One day went by. Then another. And another. Suddenly, there was only a week before classes resumed and Kuroo still hadn’t heard from (Y/n).

She had told him the day before Christmas when to pick her up from the train station, but that was all.

He was at the station about 30 minutes before she was due to arrive. He thought if he was alone in the cold for long enough, he would be able to calm himself down.

Once the train pulled into the station, he realized he was wrong. He felt like he was about to have a heart attack just at the sight of the train. He stood up, holding up the small sign he had made for (Y/n) in hopes she would see it amongst the crowd of people waiting for their loved ones.

He felt like his heart stopped when he saw her. She was wearing his jacket, her hair had been cut and styled differently, her pendent stood out over the sweater she was sporting. She was still wearing the necklace, that was a good sign.

She looked around the crowd, stopping when she finally caught sight of Kuroo. Her expression was unreadable at first. Kuroo gulped down his anxiety and forced a very nervous smile.

(Y/n)’s expression completely changed.

She smiled brightly and ran towards him, her boots clicking loudly against the floor as she approached. Kuroo’s heart began pounding in his chest, his smile turned genuine.

(Y/n) dropped her bags to the floor and practically leapt towards him, hugging his neck as he held her waist and spun her.

Kuroo wasn’t sure when he felt (Y/n) press her lips to his, he just suddenly felt her warmth enveloping him as she tightened her arms around him. He eagerly returned the kiss, lowering her onto her tip-toes before pulling back.

He rested his forehead against hers, breathing hard as (Y/n) smiled and pressed a small kiss to the corner of his lips.

“I take it you read my letter...?” He murmured, smiling wider as she giggled and leaned into him.

“Yes... Yes I did...” She sighed, brushing a strand of his hair out of his face.

“And...?”

(Y/n) smiled and pulled him into another kiss, but not before mumbling a line from the letter he had written. It was the one that stuck with her most, the one she read before bed every night after she first opened it Christmas morning.

胸がはち切れそうで. It’s something I heard a long time ago, whispered between two lovers dancing in the moonlight. When I look at you, you are all I see, and love fills my heart. All I hear is 胸がはち切れそうで - My chest is about to burst.

“胸がはち切れそうで...”

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“I’m too rusty, I’ll be awful!” (Y/n) whined, reluctantly following Kuroo through their campus.

“(Y/n), I talked to the other players, they won’t mind!” Kuroo assured her, adjusting his gym-bag over his shoulder. “Besides, they think you’re something of a celebrity. They want autographs.”

(Y/n) gave him a look of horror before covering her face and groaning. “Nooooo! I’m going back home!”

Kuroo stopped at the doors of the gym, turning to look at (Y/n) who had opted to stare up at a blooming cherry tree rather than the intimidating building to her left.

He sighed softly, gently taking her hand and pulling her to face him. “You know I’d never force you into anything you wouldn’t want... but you said you wanted to practice, this is the only way.”

(Y/n) pouted, hoping Kuroo would change his mind, but he didn’t seem to be budging.

She sighed before leaning up and pecking his lips. “You’re lucky you’re cute... let’s do this.”

Kuroo smirked and opened the doors for (Y/n). He led her onto the court where the volleyball club usually practiced. The group wasn’t too large, some people weren’t back on campus yet and were still enjoying their spring.

It was just enough people to make (Y/n) nervous, though.

Numerous people greeted Kuroo, then quickly flocked to him to say hello to the girl they’d heard so much about.

To (Y/n)’s surprise, some of them really did ask for autographs and pictures. Thankfully, no one talked about the accident that blocked her from finals, rather they talked about her amazing career before that. She could feel herself becoming slightly overwhelmed until Kuroo pulled her to the side to stretch in peace.

A familiar face entered (Y/n)’s field of vision, causing her to stop mid-step. Kuroo straightened up, knowing he would be there, but not knowing how (Y/n) would handle the interaction.

Bokuto stopped a couple feet in front of (Y/n), looking between her and Kuroo. “Hey...”

“Hey...” (Y/n) mumbled, shifting slightly under Bokuto’s gaze.

“So... you’re going to be joining us?” He asked, noting her old volleyball shoes she was currently wearing.

(Y/n) nodded, “Yeah... if you think you can handle it, of course.”

Anyone who didn’t know (Y/n) would have thought she was challenging Bokuto, trying to be rude and intimidate him.

But Bokuto slowly smiled. He knew that tone. He crossed his arms over his chest, raising an eyebrow at her. “Oh yeah? Well you’ve been out of the game a while, I’ve learned some new tricks.”

“I’ve seen how you play, I think I’ll be fine.” (Y/n) smirked, placing her hands on her hips.

Kuroo laughed before getting between the two and lightly nudging them. “Hey now, don’t get so eager. I’m putting us on the same team first game. You’ll have plenty of time to one-up each other then.”

“Ughh, how lame. I guess I can still show you up even if we’re on the same team.” Bokuto groaned.

“You’re on.” (Y/n) smiled.

Kuroo and Bokuto were both in awe at how (Y/n) was playing. It was as if she never left the court. The chemistry between the trio was electric, Kuroo knew signing them on the same team was the right move. With his blocking AND Bokuto and (Y/n)’s spikes, their team was unstoppable.

Their setter tossed the ball to Bokuto, and he spiked it perfectly only for their libero to receive it at the last second. The ball flew high, so high Kuroo thought it would go unreceived.

Suddenly, (Y/n) emerged seemingly from out of nowhere, jumped as high as she could, and spiked the ball back over the net, getting the winning point for their team.

“HEY HEY HEY! THERE SHE IS!!!” Bokuto cheered, hugging (Y/n) tightly and lifting her off the ground. The rest of the team whooped for her and high-fived her, bringing a bright smile to her face, one Kuroo hadn’t seen since he saw her play all those years ago.

She was shining like the sun, so many people around her complimenting her play style and her skill. (Y/n) looked past all of them and towards Kuroo, who was smiling at her proudly, his adoration for her clear in his eyes.

胸がはち切れそうで...

[serzhantkris]

Rebel Yell- 1

Summary: Let’s get something straight: he does not love you. He knows that for sure, because he doesn’t want to scream at you and he doesn’t want to get married, and that’s the only things he knows for sure about people who are in love. And he was doomed to kiss with his fists and scream and be angry and blame everyone but himself for the rest of his life. So, no. Billy did not love you. Billy Hargrove x Hopper!Reader

Word Count: 2079

AN: Hey all! Just a forward for this series, it does follow s2 kind of. Also, I have 8 parts currently written and it’s... it’s gonna be a long one, ya’ll.

It’s snowing, inside the trailer. The fluttering, gentle flakes kissing the furniture and disappearing against fabric and wood. Above, the colorful strings of lights twinkle to the distorted tune of Santa Claus is Coming to Town. It’s quiet, dark, peaceful.

Why, then, are you so afraid?

The lights flicker, the electric buzz bleeding into something far more sinister. A hiss. A growl. The snowflakes aren’t snow at all, but ash. The smell of gasoline replaces any hint of gingerbread. The growling grows louder, the lights match the speed of your racing heart. The lights fall like a rainbow on your face, but everytime they flash off, a dark shadow lingers over you. It stretches up the wall and ceiling, until there’s nothing left but long, crooked limbs and a blossoming head, it’s mouth open and hungry.

You better watch out

You better not cry

You better not pout

I'm telling you why

You jerk awake, snapping like a rubber band back into reality, where the only flickering light is the alarm clock by your bed. It takes a second for you to catch up, breathing the stale smell of the trailer- no gasoline or gingerbread or fear- and look at the clock. It’s 5:22, and the world is still asleep.

Shoving the covers off, you sit up, rubbing your palms in your eyes like you can blur away the nightmare. Stuffing your feet into your boots, the laces drag the ground as you shuffle quietly to the back door. The October air is welcoming on your skin, wiping away the sweat stuck to your forehead and shushing away your fears like a comforting kiss. A cigarette in hand, the smoke drifts towards the west, where your back deck overlooks the lake, and disappears into the night sky.

Always darkest, you think. Just before dawn.

It takes three cigarettes before the sun starts to rise. Birds begin to stretch their wings, chirping from the woods beyond the lake. Smothering the butts on the deck railing, you flick the last one over the side and slip back through the door. When it closes behind you, the sounds of morning are replaced by the sounds of sleep.

The snoring is muffled by the pillow over his head, held there by a limp arm. His legs stick out over the other end of the couch, all of it sinking under his weight. There’s a bottle, hanging limply in his other hand, two more on the table. Sighing, you reach toward him and tug gently on the pillow.

“Dad.” Your voice is a harsh whisper, no louder than his snores, and you clear your throat to swallow the remnants of sleep and smoke. “Dad, get up.”

He hugs the pillow tighter, a dragonesque snore pulling from his lips. You let go, frowning down at him, and grab the curtain on the window overhead. Pulling it open, the light spills over his sleeping form and the literred table.

“We’re both gonna be late,” louder this time, you grab up the empty bottles and clang them together. The snore turns into a groan turns into a sigh, and he throws the pillow onto the floor as you move toward the kitchen. “It’s Monday, Dad.”

“You’re insufferable,” he mumbled, the couch protesting loudly as he pushes himself up. “Who taught you to be so damn responsible?”

“Must’ve been Mom,” you shrug, turning the knobs on the stove as he lumbers toward the bathroom. 

“Must’ve been.”

Seven thirty, the world is brighter and you’re both climbing into the car marked ‘Hawkins Police Dept.’ Warm air floods the vehicle as he pulls onto the road, driving straight toward the growing sun. 

“You ready for that chemistry test?” One hand on the wheel, his eyes flickered over, trying to read your expression in the reflection of the window.

“Test was last week,” you said. Jim Hopper looks back at the dirty windshield, tapping his thumb on the wheel to the faint music coming from the dash.

“Really? How, uh, how’d it go?”

“Got a C.”

He doesn’t know if he should be disappointed or proud, but he nods anyway. “How ‘bout everything else? Grades look okay?”

“They’re fine,” you answer, tracing shapes on the car window. Even with the heat on, the windows fog over and it feels like winter. “Nancy wants to go to this Halloween party tomorrow.”

“Oh yeah? A party, huh?”

“Yeah,” you breathe on the glass, blurring out the frowning doodles. “We were thinking I’d spend the night with her after.”

Jim flicks the turn signal, pausing at a stop sign. “Just you and Nancy?”

“Yes, Dad. Just me and Nancy.”

“Where’s the party?”

“Tina’s.”

Jim frowns. Which one was Tina, again? Was she one of the ones he liked? “You’ll call when you make it to Nancy’s?”

“Yeah, okay. Does that mean I can go?” The car stops outside of Hawkins High School. Groups of students make their way toward the doors, books in hand and bags over their shoulders. Jim puts the car in park as you reach for the handle. 

“Just don’t forget to call.”

The door slams shut behind you, your eyes already looking for a familiar BMW as you cross the gravel lot. A flash of blue, a dash of pink, and you recognize Steve and Nancy standing out of the car. Nancy spots you first, raising her hand to get your attention as you skid down the hill toward them.

The purr of a hot engine and squealing tires makes you pause at the edge of the lot. A midnight blue Camaro separates you from Nancy and Steve, blaring a song you’d heard a million times on your own stereo. It parks and the doors swing open. A red headed girl hops out of the passenger’s seat, points a skateboard for the middle school, and is gone. 

The driver moves slower, one boot out and then the other, and when he stands tall, he’s nothing you had seen at Hawkins before. You would have recognized the denim-on-denim, steel-horse cowboy if you had seen him before.

The stranger pauses to look around, surveying the area like a wolf searching for prey. He turns on the spot, just enough for you to get a good look at his face. His jaw is square, a barely-there stubble over his cheeks and above wine red lips. He’s soft, with rough edges and sharp blue eyes. And when he walks away, he swaggers like a rockstar on stage.

“Who is that?”

“I have no idea-“

The moment passes, and you skip across the lot toward Nancy and Steve.

“Sorry I’m late,” you sigh, shifting the weight of your backpack. “Overslept.”

The three of you start for the school, following the steady stream of students through the halls. You shoulder pressed tight to Nancy’s, slipping through a doorway where Tina was handing out bright orange fliers for her party. 

“Y/N,” Nancy pauses where the hall splits in three directions, tugging your sleeve. “You’re coming tonight, right? We can’t cancel again.”

You nod, moving toward your locker. “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

Satisfied, Nancy allows Steve to drag her off, the two of them disappearing into the flood of students. Turning back around, you twist open the lock on your locker and start unloading your books on the shelf, shoving the backpack to the bottom, on top of a pile of forgotten homework and clothes. Glancing up, you catch sight of the photograph pinned to the inside of the door.

You’re smiling, in the photo. A Polaroid taken at a carnival, you’re holding an ice cream cone and making a peace sign. Nancy holds her own cone, that cotton candy smile plastered on her rosy cheeks. On the other side of her, Barbara Holland is laughing.

It’s overcast when the last bell rings and students begin pouring out onto the asphalt. Leaves crunch under your feet as you weave between huddles of teenagers and their cars, searching absently for a familiar BMW. The click of wheels on the pavement behind you caught your attention, and you turned to see the redhead standing on the board, heading toward you as you passed by Tommy H’s car. The tail lights of the car flashed, and before you could warn the preteen, the car backed up and knocked her flat on her back. The skateboard slid under the car and came out the other side, hitting you in the foot as Tommy slammed on his brakes.

“Watch it, little twerp!” Carol leaned out the passenger window, sneering down at where the girl sprawled on the pavement. She clamored to her feet as you grabbed the skateboard off the ground.

“Shove it up your ass, Carol!” You hip checked the back of Tommy’s car as you rounded it, jostling her, and ignored the middle finger she sent you as you helped the middle schooler to her feet. Tommy backed up as soon as you both were clear, wheels churning dust as they peeled out of the lot.

“You okay, red?” She nodded, face flushed as red as her hair as she took the board back from you. “Hey, you’re the new kid, right?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I guess. It’s, uh, I’m Max.”

“Sorry, Max. Small town, word gets around. You can call me Hopper. Everyone does.”

Max flashes a quick smile before turning the board over to inspect it. “Crap, one of my bearings broke.”

Following her line of sight, you peer at the cracked piece of metal attached to the wheel. “Shit, I’m sorry. I don’t think Melvald’s carries anything like that, but I bet you can get them to order one.”

“Melvald’s? Where’s that?”

“Downtown, right by Radio Shack. It’s near the Palace Arcade, too, if that’s your kind of thing.”

Max smiles, tucking the board under her arm. “Thanks,” she says. Her smile vanishes, her eyes trained somewhere over your shoulder. You turn, spotting the familiar blue eyes watching you from beside the Camaro. “I better go before I get left behind. Can’t skate home without a board.”

“Yeah,” you mumble, adjusting the backpack on your shoulder. “What’s he, like your brother or something?”

Max snorted. “Or something.”

Max waved a half-hearted goodbye and you watched after her a moment as she neared the car before you continued your search for Steve or his notoriously loud BMW.

“Who were you talking to?”

Max rolled her eyes, yanking the passenger door open. “Nobody.”

“Nobody?”

The doors slammed and the car came to life, music blaring from the radio as the car reversed and swung out of the lot. “Just some girl.”

Barbara’s parents welcome you, Nancy and Steve into their home, each week, with hopeful smiles. All of you, seated around the flowery table with your plates loaded with take-out chicken, chatting lightly about things that don’t matter. The table behind you is decorated with various mismatched frames, all of them photos of Barb, and you keep looking at them like her eyes, all pairs, some behind thick glasses, others young and carefree, all watching you. Like they know the secret that you, Nancy and Steve have been keeping the better part of a year.

Barbara Holland was dead. You knew this. Steve knew. Nancy knew. Others, too, but it was still somehow something that was guised under Missing. There was nothing ‘Missing.’ There were no footprints to follow. Barbara Holland was dead, but her parents still held the door open for the three of you, still held out hope that someday their daughter would come home.

“It means we’re going to find our Barb,” Mrs. Holland was saying.

You stuck your fork into the macaroni and cheese. Nancy and Steve exchanged looks.

“For the first time in a long time, we’re hopeful.”

Nancy slipped away from the table, disappearing into the bathroom. Steve cleared his throat, trying to retain a semblance of normalcy with the Hollands. You didn’t look up, staring hard at the barely-touched plate in front of you.

Hawkins had not been the same since last November. Things had changed, forever tainted by the things that had happened. Will Byers disappeared and seemingly came back from the dead. Barbara Holland was taken and did not come back. Monsters proved themselves to be very real, and not the kind you had seen under your bed and in your closet in your youth. In short, life in Hawkins, Indiana, had been completely turned upside down.

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