#who I dont really talk to anymore
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should I feel this way about a video game? Am I stupid?
#I have#so so so so many things in my heart and in my mind about fucking final fantasy#and like#half of it isnt even about the story or the game itself#just#what ive been through getting into it#who ive met#who I dont really talk to anymore#these odd pangs of loneliness and loss I feel when I play#im finally getting up to current content#and I just#I dont know#it feels like a big deal to me#it feels like I made it somewhere#this game has effected me very deeply in a lot of ways#it was and still kind of is central to my social life in a way nothing really has been since like#fuck I dont know#homestuck?#real punch in the throat there i know#but I cant think of the last time I made/ruined/grew relationships with people in this way#its so odd#im so odd#im dumb im really dumb#its just a video game#but#I dunno#to me its been a lot more#I hope I have words for it someday#I hope my head lets me say them#hear feel think
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Reader is Yuu with an implied family with siblings. Not re-read or edited.
One day you realise that there is just a bit too much food on the table. It takes eating with the others to truly notice, but it starts with Grim complaining.
"We've been eating the same thing for days now!" And you laugh because it's true. After eating it fresh the first day, you tend to pack up and store the rest equally in the fridge and freezer because, yes, it's a lot. Dishes that are soups, or meals that are cooked in the larger pots and pans. Food that is to be served with rice on the side, portions that are bigger than your face. That isn't to say that you had a lot of thaumarks on you as you're just good at making bulk purchases worth it.
Everyone laughs at Grims moping, remarking of how he should be greatful you're feeding him at all. The banter is great.
But you're picking at your packed lunch now.
Why do you cook so much? Why do you reach for the bigger pots and pans? Why are your portions always for more than one?
From the fog of your mind, you see... your kitchen. Or you think it's your kitchen. It's not the kitchen back at Ramshackle, but the one from before Ramshackle. You're bustling around the counter, chatting to a faceless figure by the table, and reaching for seasonings without even looking. You're opening cabinets and finding what you need easily and asking the figure to make some rice to accompany whatever is in that pot. There's the squeals of children and hearty laughter from the other room. And hands, there's a hand at the small of your back and you think it's a motherly touch because how else can you describe the gentle way they press you to the side of their body.
For the next few days you can't eat properly. There's weight at your gut that substitutes for food and you don't make anything more. When your friends come over to invade the living room of Ramshackle, you don't have much snacks to offer them.
Peering into the fridge only reveals the stacks of containers of food you were eating days prior. You're mulling about maybe something you can make for them when,
"Whoa, talk about excess. Grim wasn't kidding." Ace's voice is right behind you.
"Ugh, sorry guys. i don't think I have anything proper to really feed you guys--"
"Is that some sort of egg salad?" Deuce's hand slithers forward to grab at one of the containters. "You have bread?" Nodding you gesture to the other cabinet. "Then I'll snack on this-- Er, if you wouldn't mind."
Epel peers from the doorway. "You don't happen to haf' some meat in 'er do ya?" Your fingers linger, before meekly pulling out a corrisponding tupperware.
"It's a bit stiff though, Epel."
"Hah, I'll jus' throw it on tha' stove or somthing. If it's still tough, I dun' care. Sometimes just gotta eat the greasy foods." He takes the tupperware and slaps it into a pan to heat it up. The aroma of sizzling meat is quick to attract both Sebek and Jack who add to the noise of chatter amongst the others, the former mostly.
You find yourself to the side, watching as they scour through your leftovers, opening and nodding at the meals inside before choosing which to heat up. And it's loud, but not grating. They're navigating through your space with expertice, slipping past each other and peering into cabinets. Jack's making rice and Sebek is counting the plates (whilst also making sounds whenever he sees a chip in the odd one or two). Over the stove Epel and Ace are jerking their hands into the pan, nipping their fingers to the corner pieces of the meat to just 'check if it's ready to eat'. Gathering the spoons and forks, Deuce nibbles on a piece of his egg salad sandwich before disappearing in the living area where everyone is setting up.
The dinner table has been set. You don't feel entirely there, floating to a cushion on the floor as your left overs are bought over to the table plate-by-plate. Everyone sits around you, Grim settled into your lap as he nibbles on a piece of fried fish, and they're passing the dishes around.
You've eaten these things before but you've always eaten them with Grim or alone when Grim takes his naps early. Instead of one set of cutlery scraping at porcelain, there's multiple sets-- a symphony playing to their hunger as they gather more to pile onto their plates.
#and then i didnt want to write anymore#JDSIFASF just a thought fr#i was talking to my friends who moved out for uni and we were all just talking about meals and specifically family meals#i got really sad just thinking about it#in my culture we dont really have individual meals and instead have meals where its quick and convenient that can feed quite a few#and we eat it with rice so its like long lasting too icl#anyways i have a lot of thoughts but my writing is soooo bad lol#twisted wonderland#twst#twisted wonderland x reader#x reader#jack howl#epel felmier#ace trappola#deuce spade#sebek zigvolt#grim#twst yuu#>hilt.rambles
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this is my HOT SCALDING II TAKE ‼️‼️‼️ cobs is a great villain for the show that he is in for a show that promotes creativity, meaningful relationships and hope the fact that the big bad is a forward thinking, cold-hearted capitalist is actually perfect
#worf opens their big mouth#you fucks have me defending the narrative point of this bitch!!!! fuck you‼️‼️‼️ /j#‘he doesnt have a backstory’ ‘his story with mephone is basic’ WHO THE FUCK CAAREEESSS#THE CONTESTANTS ARE STEREOTYPES AT THEIR BASE LEVEL PLEASE YALL#lol anyways#inanimate insanity#also heavily disgree on the relationship between him and mephone/the meeplings being boring your brain is small and shriveled up#all /silly btw i am not this pressed over fuckass corn#anyways can i go back to talking about mephone i dont really want cobs on my page anymore LMAOOOO#20#30#50
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#sorry i saw someone say sonic and tails dont see eachother as family at all again and it annoyed me#this isnt even all of the times theyve said it this is just a bunch of stuff i remembered off the top of my head#and also sonic has called tails little bro SO many times across different media that it would be impossible to track them all down#but i tried to include stuff from different media to show that this isnt a thing thats exclusive to one continuity or one period of time#because those are arguments i see people use to prove theyre not brothers#but even if it WAS something that is mentioned a lot in earlier sonic media and not so much in recent stuff.#not mentioning something as often anymore doesnt automatically make it non canon?? especially if theres no new info contradicting it#sonic frontiers spoilers#the sage picture probably looks irrelevant to people who havent played frontiers#but she was talking about sonic and tails there which is why i included it#also i put that aosth clip instead of screenshots from it because i didnt think a couple screenshots would do it justice#you really have to see the whole thing
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I don't care how many times the rich & famous talk about how being rich & famous is the worst fate humanly possible I will never ever ever believe them for one milisecond lol
#I love mitski but oh my god ''shittiest exclusive club in the world''...you know the other time ive heard that phrase used?#families and friends of people who killed themselves. we often say welcome to the worst club in the world to new ppl on forums#but yeah im sure the heaps of money and thriving career doing what you love isnt worth it bc sometimes fans are creeps. uh huh#yes this is an extention of my chappell rant no i dont want to talk abt it anymore it just makes me too furious lol#every celebrity rallying around her to throw themselves a pity party godddd i cant deal w/it lol#as I said before i would voluntarily put myself through every saw trap in existence to have what you people have#do you really not know how bad the average persons life is. let alone the least privileged 10% ...#and dont send me asks moralizing about this again i really & truly will not change my mind. these people are fucking ridiculous
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something bad did indeed happen to that man. spent abt 25 minutes trying to find a better picture of that one (1) offical piece with his eyes open that wasnt compressed or tiny
#library of ruina#yan library of ruina#getting comfortable doodling some objects and mannequin shapes for very obvious reasons. i read the keypage story and now it has a grip on#my brain. wanting to go ahead and plan it out and then draw the mangled memory and nightmare that replays behind the eyelids in the darknes#it was cool to see the reason confirmed from my speculation. twas indeed another reason of blocking out present pain with closing of eyes#considering they made angela have a plot important reason for doing so it would only make sense for another to have a reason for it as well#well. after having a prominent part inside the thumb/index story line. its just going to be yapping about yan now i think#let me add a spoiler tag i suppose? vauge but just incase i dont want to be an asshole. even if most already have played rhe game#library of ruina spoilers#lor spoilers#i really liked the typewritter effect over the voice after distortion. especially so when the effect finishes before the actual garbled voi#does. it makes it feel as if it were being read out after it being written down rather than of own words or volition. along with the text#upon the screen during the fight being just prescripts rather than anything relating to the man himself like the other instances with such#text had been. paired w the name of distorted yan being untranslated to keep the intent of the name being unreadable or not understandable#more into the idea of stripping away of the self or any sense of a self. not personal and not even him anymore. the following of a goal for#the goal for it is given and there isnt any hope of having the ability to not do such a thing. people yearn for a reason and something to d#and for it to be given to them to not hold responsibility nor have to do their own choices anymore. once a crushing weight weighs down#inside the face of an absolute cruelty that is perpetuated and that crushed the dreams or even desires having them be but nothing how can#one move on? it was really nice to see at the end of the fight. its easier to just say such things than to actually do them. even if the ac#ions dont even feel as if they are ones own or that there isnt any say in the matter having to endure all the pain for seemingly nothing it#still is pain. that feeling inside is still real. it still happened. regardless of the circumstances that brought them about#the thumb/index or just fingers seem to be an exaggerated to the extreme showcase of how the colletivist mindset in an unhealthy manner#could be exhibited. the thumb with its hierarchy and absoluteness and the demand for respect along with its strict layers of showing who is#below and who is above. the ability to have power over those underneath . the participation inside of it and the already brought up yearnin#to be apart of a group and to have a title and position inside of a group and of power and even a desire like from pete to join one iirc#the index being of the cruel perpetuating cycle of pain people inflict upon one another a behavior beaten and upkept by the systems as they#drift and desire to live. which causes them to partcipate in that cycle out of necessity. cruel acts upon another in order to live and seei#a need to go ahead and do such things for if they dont they die and another will just do the same to them. social sciences talk and rolands#talks abt how the city opperates reinforce that fact. the index and prescripts are really just a show inside that extreme manner and in a#more literal sense of that. it was really cool to read it..
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i pull the crops from my mind fields and all i harvested were these vintages what the hell
#art#coroika#splatoon#tw kys joke#vintage coroika#double egg coroika#emperor coroika#or king idk i just call him emperor#i wanted to draw something more substantial 😭i think vintage hates hates emperor (kind of similar to how i think vin + skull's relationship#is)#they’re both at the top of their gamemodes but i think vintage would despise the fact that emperor sort of. i guess stagnates.#staying at the top... since emperor has shown never to have played ranked (i think LMAO)#SECOND DOODLE IS REALLY OOC FOR VINTAGE i'd probably write him like*vintage voice* “You're not fit for the title of king. Weakling..#A *real* king would exceed his limits and climb up to the top. It's no wonder nobody had beaten you before then.#... since you were always just a big fish in a small pond. Pathetic." or something idk#For a guy who doesn't like vintage i sure do like talking about vintage WAHAHA#i dont hate him anymore i do like him a little better...he's growing on me. i dont know how to feel about this#omg i yapped so hard apologies i hope this is fun to read...if u ask me about my coroika opinions i Will yap
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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longlegs fucking sucked 😭
#talkys#sorry for movie opinions post#i didnt know anything abt it going in other than serial killer and Mystery and i was soooooo so interested and enthralled#for a good chunk bc wow i like the framing the pacing the shots!#and then it gets to a point where its like oh...!#and then 📉📉📉📉↘️↘️↘️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️#like how did that movie feel like 3 hrs long#all that build up for the most eyerolly unsatisfying payoff#do u guys think its possible for horror movies to be Satisfying anymore?#saying dis as someone not as acquainted with the genre#we were talking about how like hereditary was Good but it wasn't...Scary....but its fine bc it was good#idek what im saying anymore but we regret seeing it we shouldve gone with our parents to bingo 😭💔#the main character rocked though...so awesome will graham#so extremely funny seeing ppl being like ''ummm sorry ur someone who thinks horror movies need to be jumpscares and dont like psychological#horror :/'' this was NOT psychological horror. it was a really interesting like Mystery for a good chunk and then at that Certain Point its#like oh. horror movie version of the ''and then he woke up'' cop-out to me. how boring. what a boring conclusion#not worth the whole previous hour of Good#i will say the shots of the hooded figure with the eyes unnerved me tho i had to look away 😭#MY SISTER LITERALLY FELL ASLEEP LMAO but at that point i was still very interested and hopeful#and then.
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having one of those mid-20s moments where you're like well damn. im really not a teenager anymore i dont hate myself anymore actually. like its insane
sorry i gotta ramble but this feels too silly to post anywhere else
#kk.txt#not snz#like for a while even the thought of like admitting i didn't hate myself felt like.. like i was being full of myself#idk what clicked in my brain a few years ago but it felt like i started to see myself more and like understand myself as a person#like i would a friend. and i just didn't think like that before i guess lmao#but like idk i dont talk about my personal life much but ive been recovering from post-pandemic agoraphobia#and i just went on my first big trip alone and im like. god its barely there anymore its just a little shadow in the corner of my mind#that only spreads occasionally now instead of overwhelming me#like im still terrible at a lot a lot a lot of social interaction type stuff but im like.. doing better than i thought id be able to#a few years ago. like idk im not good at.. change and especially conceptualizing myself as someone who can change and be fluid#like i really do think a majority of my person like my core morals and demeanor havent changed that much. and i like that#it makes me feel more secure to be that way#but at the same time its like my mental image isn't nearly as self hating as it used to be#like i used to picture myself as coming off basically the same way as that girl from watamote lmao like#ugly greasy awkward offputting weird#but now im like.. im just some guy... like yeah i have less experience putting effort into my appearance and i slouch and i have acne#but i am also capable of looking good occasionally. i dont need to do it all the time#ok i got off the bus and my train of thought died goodbye
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Batman (2016) #100
the way it probably took him a second to find her after he abandoned Joker and chased after her. how the bomb evidently did detonate.
i'll ponder forever over how that moment went down and how he prevented the explosion from killing her, but not enough to save her from being severely injured & unconscious for a week recovering. how he spent hours at her bedside in case she happened to wake up that day, how he went to her hospital room on that day as well despite "I had to bury my father again today. I did it with my family." And having every beyond reasonable excuse to just not that day,,. he still made time and effort to check in on her.
the day dc treats harley's suicidal ideation as exactly what it is and let's the characters around her acknowledge it will be a glorious win for the community
#and the way i really doubt she's told Ivy she tried this#just like we've never seen her open up about contemplating suicide while in Arkham#like obvi i love harlivy but i really love that this is just an interlaced aspect of batquinn's dynamic#and the very real threat behind her like threatening to blow herself up or let clown hunter kill her. there's no joke there.#she's serious and there's no doubt in his mind about that anymore because he knows its something she's struggled with since the early days.#its not as if her situation has gotten infinitely better at these points either. its somewhat improved atm but this was before Ivy was back#she was still split and Harley was still alone.#she didnt meet Kevin until after the j0ker war arc & possibly the incident with clown hunter like#.... she really just had batman bruce was the only person who was going to check in on her most likely#she and selina are friends but i dont think their chapter of Catwoman's comic came out until after this#and thats where i'd more concretely say she'd have visited her.#just#batquinn yall when they're well written theyre a peak harley dynamic#and i will never be able to talk enough about them#harley quinn#harleen quinzel#dc comics#batman#bruce wayne#tw suicide#tw clown boy#mentioned at least
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the thing they don't tell you about being raised in a high-demand religion is that everyone who you grew up with at some point will either have a faithbreak or they will continue to stay. and both of those are kind of the hardest thing ever to watch someone you cared about go through.
#.lyr#my closest friend from when we were teenagers just got her mission call.#i was so sure shed make it out. she was always one of the best and most genuinely caring people i knew.#im...crushed. by this. she cared about people more than she cared about rules and i thought shed make it out i thought she already had.#and whatever shes doing is because she really and truly thinks its the right thing#but that doesnt mean it is and that doesnt make it easier#exmo#<- i dont talk religion on here anymore and back when i did i didnt use that tag but like. idk.#added context and kind of hoping that. people who see it from that tag will understand the feeling.
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"shadows are inverted flames" -> wilsons hair is made of shadow -> YOUR BOYFRIEND'S HAIR IS MADE OF FLAME??? PETPETPETPET
also wilson can't leave the throne so he just has to deal with her doing this 24/7
#i cant believe i frankensteined this piece back to acceptability. wack.#dont starve#dst willow#wilson higgsbury#willowson#i kind of uh. hated the linework for this. so then i just. threw every trick i knew at the piece until it tuned out ok#still. dont look too hard.#real talk... it probably feels like thick clouds of smoke... incredibly soft... very soothing yes yes.#i will always come back to willowson. Actually Mad mad scientist x escaped asylum felon arsonist.#and its always a toss up as to who is going to be more unstable in any given situation.#they take turns.#usually wilson is Responsible. he likes feeling adult unlike willow. but sometimes he goes WACK and willow goes (sigh) guess ill clock in#what if we were both horrible people put in a situation where it didnt really matter anymore#could we find some kind of solace in the now-mundane insanity. could it become borderline domestic.#the closest thing to a home either of us have really ever had#i know wilsons parents canonically loved him very much . but#what has it amounted to for him? does he even believe he was loved at all?#his comments about nannies... they left you alone a lot didnt they poor boy. with nothing but books and bad ideas and worse thoughts#and willow. (gestures to the ashes of the orphanage and the Metaphor of 'seeing shadows')#wilson (haunted by his mind) (as in the threat is internal and the threat is Him)#willow (haunted by her mind) (AS IN SHE IS LITERALLY BEING HAUNTED)#(alternatively a metaphor for a vague and nameless mental illness. more of an allusion to the old 'asylums' than a specific diagnosis)#also they have fangs. ok goodnight#my nyart
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years ago i remember someone saying about dave strider that either he’s gay or he’s bisexual but deep down too misogynistic to actually have a fulfilling romantic relationship with a woman. anyway. this is how i see dean winchester
#i truly do not think dean as we know him could ever be happy longterm romantically with a girl#whether that’s because he’s gay or because of a mix of mommy issues and deep rooted misogyny. who knows#maybe both#hes sexually attracted to women in canon for sure but#sexuality’s complex. honestly he’s gay to me#coming out as gay dean truther#then again like. Can i really see him settling down romantically with a guy either#not really.#am i a gay dean truther. i dont fucking know. his problems are too complex for me to talk about in the tags of this post#oliver talks#spn#dean winchester#supernatural#also#with dave it’s like. he means well hes not an awful misogynist but re like. his treatment of jade. him being into her isn’t actually him#being into Her as so much as it is him being into the idea of this girl he can protect#what’s that line. where he’s like ‘jade would probably just be a liability if she got it in her head she wanted to take le down’ or somethin#idk i don’t go here anymore. but#anyway that’s what deans like with lisa he isnt actually in love with her he just likes the idea of the family she symbolises
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seriously doubt adam or lawrence had any close/trusted friends which just makes their relationship in the bathroom that much more weirdly emotionally charged. codependency bait to the max
#like it seems like scott was kind of the last person adam really talked to when he bounced on his parents and he sticks around him#but subtext (and by that i mean text) makes it so obvious hes just kinda his punching bag. but hey he sticks around#hes got that highschool dropout who bounces between acquaintance friend groups and never got super close to anyone#kind of vibe.#everyone knows him but nobody hangs w him or whatever#but like lawrence is so in the same boat. that is a guy that goes to colleague dinner parties to keep up appearances and thats bout it#like i bet even diana’s friends parents barely know much about him and think hes just stuffy or whatever#his lawyer calls himself his friend but i really think thats just in a ‘i know you and im looking out for your best interet’ way.#i dont think they hang#and like. he doesnt even talk to his wife anymore#i think they r both lonely and miserable in different ways and kind of have what the other thinks they need#despite being so drastically different#it drives me insane#bathroom boyfriends#chainshipping#click
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basically i was trying to make a post talking about the theme of family and the humans in steven universe and how basically all the humans are parents and their children and like, never one or the other, and how we can literally talk about the relationships all the kids have with their parents and stuff
and it was supposed to be how that reflects on stevens life and his human half since gems dont have families and blah blah blah
but holy shit i dont know how to say all that in a smart way and i kept going in circles and triangles and squares
#i am so passionate about being against the people who disregard all the human stuff in the show dude like#what a way to throw away literally half the damn show and half of the main character#and to ignore what is actually a lot to talk about and analyze! also the characters are just fun!#everyone loves the show for the gem stuff and hates it for the human stuff. fucking skill issue.#thats like such a reflection of stevens own life too#like. the two main humans in his life... yall...#greg was a space themed rockstar and connie loves fantasy books.#and they either get really involved in gem stuff or leave steven to be basically all immersed in gem stuff#just like steven the audience neglects the human stuff#and man? its not filler. it never was. fuck all of yall. fuck every steven universe 'critic' i dont give a fuck#i bet you this goes back to lily orchard doesnt it. fuck lily orchard dude shes fucking weird as hell.#its like what happened with rwby where everyone just blindly hates it because they heard it was bad#instead of forming opinions for themselves separate from the popular opinion#rwby is good! steven universe is good! the human episodes ARE GOOD!! I DONT CARE ANYMORE BRO ITS ME AND THIS SHOW AGAINST THE WORLD#im going insane bro im fuckin losing it i hate it here#my post#su#fuck it#steven universe#forcing the people in the main tag to behold my words#this is just like with cassandra where people refuse to actually understand it and just disregard it instead#'why did cassandra go evil it came out of nowhere' no it FUCKING DIDNT ITS BEEN THERE SINCE THE START SHUT UP#JUST ADMIT YOU DIDNT PAY ATTENTION AND REFUSED TO TRY TO UNDERSTAND AND STOP ACTING LIKE YOURE BEING OBJECTIVE
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