#who I did definitely have a crush on
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like actually and genuinely I do think fried green tomatoes had a deep impact on my queerness as a child. I watched it when I was about 7 and at that age I was OBSESSED with male characters that acted like idgie: devoted, head over heels for a girl, the Big Hero with a little snark, the underdog. and it was the first time I saw a female character acting like that and towards another woman no less. I didn't really understand that they were gay yet, but I knew that I saw myself in idgie and that movie became so so special to me. and now as an adult and a butch... it's just always so comforting to rewatch
#it was the first time as a kid I really related to a female character instead of a male one#and it's bc it was the first time I was seeing a girl who was allowed to be unapologetically masculine#and I'd argue butch tbh.... like even if they couldn't go without giving her makeup bc it was the 90s#idgie is just so so obviously the butch to ruths femme#UGH SORRY I'M JUST REWATCHING AND I LOVE THIS MOVIE. SO MUCH.#representation is so so important 😭#p sure I made my best friend play pretend w the plot lmfaoooo#who I did definitely have a crush on
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Anyone still calling late game Katsuki an abuser in 2024 is just not paying attention. Full stop.
#bkdk#bakudeku#every time I see an anti post they try to define bkdk shippers as just masking their hate of Izuku#or as inappropriately labeling them as childhood friends and that being the basis of the whole ship#or as of acting on the hand hold scene LIKE KATSUKI DID FOR ELEVEN PLUS YEARS IN CANON without realizing that it went sour that first time#or as abuse apologists#they like to whittle katsuki down to the black and white bully even now#in 2024#after everything he’s done#all the growing#they like to whittle Izuku down to a helpless child who can’t find it in himself to stand up for himself#even though canon Izuku not only tolerates Katsuki’s moods#he appreciates him and understands him#and finds joy in being around him#literally I get it if you see them as platonic only#that’s so super chill and an excellent dynamic#but people throwing hate at bkdk shippers only ever out themselves as not understanding or comprehending or even knowing the source material#at all#on the surface Katsuki yells at izuku for literally nothing and it definitely rubs you the wrong way if you are only paying surface level#attention#but after dvk pt 2 he literally only yells because it’s familiar#it’s easier to respond that way than to cope with the guilt that’s eating him alive whenever he sees how happy Izuku is just to be around h#he’s flustered#he’s got a crush#but doesn’t have the emotional intelligence to understand what it is or how to deal yet#Katsuki Bakugo is a flawed character who puts in the work to change and if you’re not acknowledging that you are not paying attention#anyway#lol the post a while ago that said ‘if you ship bkdk just admit you hate Izuku and move on’??????#lol I love him so much AND I ship bkdk because canon tells me that’s what he wants#at least I’m paying attention enough not to think he has to be babified
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The more I think about it the more unfair it feels that Zenos dies at the end of this. I'm like.....7-10? Quests away from "endwalker" and there is so much we don't know. Why did he dream of the end of Amaurot? Emet-selch experimented on him - why was that never touched upon again once it had been mentioned? What did he do? Why? Zenos can teleport???? Switch bodies? What was all that even for? Zenos yae galvus youre making me insane and I'm tearing my hair out of my head
#like did I MISS SOMETHING? Is there a quest chain I've missed doing?????????#He's so good but if these things are not explained at least in part I'll be so disappointed.#and i most definitely don't see zenos doing a lore dump about himself (i love his monologuing but that would be so fucking boring)#agnes ffxiv adventures#Zenos yae Galvus#endwalker spoilers#let me explain myself btw a zenos lore dumb from zenos mouth would not be boring all in itself!#( tbh id love nothing more than more zenos pov - he would be such an interesting character to hear the inner monologues of.)#HOWEVER!!:#what I mean is that if that's all we'd be getting...#...I'd be sorely disappointed#( for the first time while playing this game. There have been story beats that have made me sigh but nothing's been disappointing. )#( like genuine soul crushing levels of disappointment because he's a central character and he deserves that much - and i'd expect more -#from the writers who really seem to care. But If you don't respect your characters what kinda story are you writing in the first place?)#TLDR shut up Agnes: I expect more from the writers and it would be such a let down to be left hanging like this.#Zenos
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in an ideal world mina would've been a little sister figure to sonic
#not in the same way that he and tails have a sibling/best friend relationship but in a sonic is very defensive of mina kind of way#also gets rid of that unneeded love triangle while keeping mina a close companion#super speed? check. robotizied family? not uncommon- check. targeted individually by robotnik? yep.#idk- when I first read her introduction I did not get a romantic interest vibe at all- felt more like sonic -and sally!- found this kid who#just lost the last of her family and needed some support#mina would definitely still look up to sonic- idk if in a subtle crush way or more in an idolizing way
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my inability to take anything about "the crackle goes kiwi caper" seriously vs. my adoration for that scene... FIGHT
#carmen sandiego 2019#please i cant with this episode#its so dumb im sorry 😭😭#but its also one of the best episodes in the series#i love you ballerina!carmen 😍#also neal definitely cracked that bitch's ribs#that kick was PERSONAL#sorry guys im live tweeting in the tags#also i love player in this episode#ver hands on here#i love it#i HATE this episode but i LOVE it but i HATTEE it#ejeiduejejsijdkekekd#im going to eat glass /pos#i need an exorcism#“you... dont run a children's charity”#yeah no SHIT you love blind FOOL#anyway carmen and gray fucked after crashing that glider#who said that#shut the FUCK up suzie#why did my little sister just ealk in and say she has a crush on gray?#i didn't even know she knew this show#wait shes telling me she hyperfixated on it like 3 years ago#HELLO#how could i have forgotten this#anyway#HES JUST SOME GUY
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Val Is Pretty Sure She Might Be Losing Her Mind, more at 11
#okay so y’all. do you happen to remember Alcott Boy? the guy I had a crush on from school last year (or really the whole time I’ve been in#college honestly) who had Opinions on Little Women#yeah him. anyway I thought I was over my crush on him but GUESS WHAT it’s back and worse than ever#like I only have one class with him that’s once a week but guys guys I feel like I’m LOSING MY MIND like. I’ve never felt the urge to#actually go up to a guy and say ‘hey do you wanna go out with me?’!! like I would never actually do that but the urge is most definitely#there??? and it’s not even that he’s cute (although I mean I think he’s cute) but he’s really really intelligent and funny and very notably#always willing to bring up his faith in class discussions (and this isn’t really the campus for that) and I’ve always admired him for that#(this is also the boy that looked at something I wrote in fiction class and said ‘that’s it that’s what love is supposed to be like!!’ LIKE#) and I genuinely don’t know what to do#like should I be concerned that I feel this strongly so soon after The Boy?? should I be concerned that this might just be limerance???#my roommate has been offering to talk to him for me and ask if he’s single and is it insane that I’m actually considering it???#like if I’m going to now is the ideal time—I’ve already had my class with him this week and spring break is next week#and I’m certain he would never make me feel bad if he didn’t feel the same. but if he did wouldn’t he have said something by now? I don’t#know I don’t know I don’t knooowww#but I graduate in two months and I don’t want to regret it for the rest of my life
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teehee i now have a very very wonderful photo
#me leaning and slightly sleeping on the guy i like#🤭🤭#for those who follow my lore closely (so i think only milo) this isn't the cute guy in history whom i have never spoken to#this is the now pretty close friend in my school friendgroup who i had a big crush on for a few months#i became less obsessed with him but that was definitely a good thing i think crushes get unhealthy when they're too strong#and i still think he's cute obviously i mean i liked him for looks alone the first couple weeks#anyway today at this party i was sitting next to him and ended up sleeping next to him three times in succession#i mean kind of sleeping looking back i probably did doze off at points but it was kindaaa fake sleep#first time i edged toward his shoulder but didn't fully have my head resting against it#then i ducked my head up and said i wasn't asleep just resting and we laughed a little#i think he said he wanted to draw on my face avjddhbd#anyway second time my head inched toward his shoulder and was fully on there teehee#then when i ducked my head back up he was like awwe its okay and kinda tucked my head back against his shoulder#i was GEEKING bro 😭😭 i opened my eyes those three times when people questioned my sleepiness bc i could not keep a straight face#i was fighting to contain a grin the whole time#uuughh and he was saying how he didn't want to move and was getting people to pass him things abdjbdhd#he could have kicked me off but he didn't!! that's so cute#i was hoping someone would get a photo and a couple people did and they're so cute#gawwddd idk if now is the right time for anything but i really like him i enjoy his presence immensely#he's so nice he's not absolutely perfect of course but he's such a sweet guy#im thinking of that one tumblr relationship advice post about how the ancients didn't stumble across fully built temples#they found a flat place with good grass and water nearby they found a good place to build and then built#if there's any chance of things happening between us iiii think it's a good place to build#literally my only personal downsides for him are such minor things that could definitely change with age and maturing#it's just a lack of motivation or passion toward things and sometimes a bit of a lack of consideration#but i know im guilty of that too and he really is so nice he never acts maliciously#never at all augh he's so sweet
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hey ghost! maroon is my roman empire and I just love it 🥲 i wondered how long eddie & sugar were together before…well it all went wrong? and how old they’re meant to be now?
hiya!! first of all i'm honored that maroon is your roman empire <3 thank you!!!
and oh boy. let's get ourselves comfortable.
so in my mind, and i may have previously written it differently somewhere in the fic but i can't recall so please don't come for me, they first met back in high school. logistics wise, the more i think about it, the more likely it would have been that it was eddie's first senior year/sugar's junior year. right before corroded coffin was formed, and long enough that they spent a few years together in school before sugar could take a year off and wait for eddie to graduate so they could move to new york together. that would mean they were 17/18 when they met, and then probably 21/22 when the ending of the og one shot/prologue happened. so they were together around 4 years!
as of right now, with that timeline, they'd be around 23/24 years old!
that took so much more math than i expected, oh my word. but yeah! early twenties, which is the prime time to be going through the type of relationship drama they're going through lol
#thank u ily#maroon#originally i considered them both just meeting their junior year#like sugar would be the same year as eddie?#but idk if i touched on how long she stuck around in hawkins for eddie before moving to new york#all it would really do is add another year to their timeline and make it 100% 24 years old in the here and now!#in my mind i'm thinking her being a year below them makes a lot of sense. it's how she got into the circle. another 'lost sheepie'#who actually just forced her way into the club of her crush#for what it's worth sugar definitely made most of the first moves#hence why when it all fell apart the way it did at the end of the prologue she was hurt tremendously#a pattern was already set of her always having to be the one to chase after eddie#she needed eddie to chase after HER#only time will tell if he's finally got his running shoes on :)
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I know this one guy who enjoys doing this singular menial labor task when they can set their own hours, only work to their personal standard, focus only on the aspects of the work they personally find fulfilling, only do the work either by themselves or exclusively with their close personal friends, only share the benefits of that work with either themselves or the people they personally care about, and quit whenever they stop enjoying it. This means that if we get rid of capitalism everyone would just sorta be cool about it and work the lithium mines.
#just summarized this hour and a half anti-work video essay i almost got sucked into for you you're welcome#also feel the need to clarify this isn't about the election this is just me being parasocial and sub-tweeting a 5k andy youtuber#their big end point was well i do work to care for people i love what if we got rid of work and just did things for people we love#and extended the definition of 'people we love' to the entire-wire-world#and its like lady i hate to break it to you#but anyone who would say that has never had to participate in or witness the soul-crushing work of having to care for a loved one#if you think the guilt of being kinda shit at your make-work corporate daycare job is bad#wait until you have to choose between a mental breakdown and your dementia-riddled mother eating tonight#and also#at a certain point a civilization needs a means of compelling people to do work they don't want to do#historically that means was widespread and brutal violence#the miracle of capitalism is that now we use money instead#put another way#you can find guys out there who genuinely like working waste management#there's not enough of them to deal with everybody's shit#idk i understand the complaints of the anti work crowd its just that their solutions are so fucking stupid
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Thinking about the gay Mormon kid I met in middle school and how all the other Mormons were convinced he was gay-faking and actually straight
#mormon children are so funny they be like ''if someone hears me say fuck i could be disowned and excommunicated. i support u being gay tho#i'll always support you the way you are'' <- actual unironic convos i had with my mormon friend in 5th grade#like days apart first she was like i can never swear and then when i came out to my class as bi#she was the Nicest straight person about it like of course the other girls who were questioning or already knew were supportive#straight kids had a more diverse opinion on it lol but this mormon girl got me she was so good#definitely part of my gay awakening bc i spent months being like ''i cant be bi bc if i was i would have a crush on Her. but i dont''#''i only feel this way bc she has beautiful red hair and freckles which i adore and she is super sweet to me. thats not gay''#and this went on for 3 months and then i had a wet dream about a different girl and i was like OH. well the evidence is growing#wow these tags have nothing to do with this gay mormon kid lololol nothing much to say about him#i didnt know him very well tbh like we spoke a little bit and he did come out to me but most of what i learned about him was rumors#and def i feel like he got the typical gay kid treatment of being ostracized lied about and picked on#idk why you would choose to subject urself to that if u arent ssa like it is not easy to be out in this area#its maybe not Dangerous bc more people are coming out every year but its certainly still viewed as a severe sin#its not seen as a neutral thing by mosr churches although several churches have sprung up that specifically welcome and accept lgbt people#thats a super interesting divide to me bc i Still meet christians who cant even hear about gay people without talking#about how sad gayness is and how gay souls are in danger and the last time i ever visited a church the sermon was homophobic#yet the city decorates for pride every year and even certain churches will decorate for it#the culture is certainly changing lolol but as long as there are ''gay love is sodomy'' christians around here#then its always going to be a struggle for lgb youth bc they are straight up hostile
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Some au antag doodles
#keese draws#eternal gales#decided to finally try my hand at drawing au fydd#and decided to also draw the two I’ve already designed#I kinda chickened out hard with this au fydd design but that’s mostly because I don’t know how I’d go about implementing the big thing I cut#I wanted to include a nod at my old tazian (the species I recycled for fydd) worldbuilding by giving him some rainbow ‘hair’#but I definitely am not capable of drawing my vision well enough for my standards rn so maybe one day I’ll go for it but not rn#but long story short in the original version of the species those who were more middling height would have strands of or even entirely#rainbow hair which was like 90% me bullshitting but I have thought of a retroactive excuse#long story short most tazians would either be super tiny or like stupid tall and more middling height ones were rare#but one thing I realized lately is that all my tall ones had white hair and all my short ones had black hair#so the retroactive excuse is that the rainbow is a transitional period that usually indicates young age but can sometimes be permanent if#they don’t end up becoming properly tall#and I wanted to nod at that concept with au fydd since he’s 15 and is what would be considered pretty middling height#but that would mean figuring out how I’d wanna go about coloring that and that would make me lose it#for context fydd’s hair is supposed to be a smidge feathery#and also I like to keep my characters having somewhat manageable color pallets#not that I’m particularly good at that but I try#oh also second biggest failure of this drawing I made it so I couldn’t draw his other eye rip#he’s missing his other eye due to basically completely destroying it in the process of blowing up his original universe#the other two aren’t missing any major design elements that I can think fo fortunately#these three are all favorites of mine amongst the au antags they’re so silly#and by that I mean one of them is a grown ass adult torturing teenagers and the other two are heavily traumatized teenagers that are#helping said grown ass adult torture teenagers#well only one of them is properly helping owl is just here to meet her crush#she genuinely did not think the others would get as far and go as hard as they did#au fydd was the first member of the squad au bloom recruited and he is easily the most loyal to her#he’s also the only one au bloom even mildly gives an actual shit abt#au fydd went through a Lot in his original universe and is very ‘let’s burn it all down’ with his approach to helping#owl also went through a lot but she came out the other end just desperately wanting to stop fighting
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*blinks*
Bro, idk what I am.
#Meow.#idk what i want or what i like#am i ace?#idk man#Im queer#Even My parents knew that the ‘crushes’ i had on boys as a kid were forced#but did I ever… really Like a girl?#I guess I mightve had a crush on one of my sister’s friends. I picked her a flower#I definitely crushed on a teacher or two#But like idk#whenever i think of things as though it might actually go somewhere i just kinda#dont want that#i think i just love my friends a whole lot and thats enough#and i would be too jealous for polyamory so#i feel like having a partner would require a change in how affectionate i am with my friends and i dont want that#i adore my friends with all of my heart and i think they should know that#Would the difference just be… being able to hug and cuddle and smooch my partner in a way i cant do with friends?#Maybe i wanna cuddle and smooch my friends! Assuming they would be chill with it#maybe i’ll meet someone who changes my mind. I dunno#Bro i am just a cat. Feed me and pat my head thats all i ask
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Can ANYONE at all on this platform PLEASE be normal about Rogu ??
Posts that even do so much as mention the poor guy are scarce as is, but ALL OF THEM that i've seen treat him like he's some kind of shiny new boytoy for gay people or something !! Y'all ?? Does this make NO ONE ELSE uncomfortable ?? How ? The fact that I'm seeing this from the Yujikiri crowd of all people makes me supremely uncomfortable...
He's a child. He acts like a child. He's clearly stated to be the little sibling of the Rulid Trio. His main trauma is shown to be tied to strong abandonment, loneliness and self-worth issues, which he is seeking to heal by forging familial bonds with our main characters, which ends up putting him in the role of a little kid brother.
And people are seeing this character and thinking about how hot he is and the myriad kinks they can associate with him ?? I'm sorry, but what...? The same people who rave about Eugeo being such a beautiful tragic character and how precious his relationship with Kirito is ? Those people ?
Honestly I feel like I just lost a mildly safe space here ( and I say only mildly because some of the shit some people say is extremely alienating to me as an aro person who yes, loves Eugeo and Kirito's non-platonic relationship. but seriously, how do you gayasses manage to uphold the rules of heteronormativity in your gay ship posts ? there's myriads of types of love and attraction that aren't romance ! you can do better at inclusivity ). Even just for browsing around, let alone interacting.
Truly I chose the wrong character to become attached to after my Lycoris binge.
#sword art online#sao lycoris#sao last recollection#sao rogu#rogu#i do wanna clarify this is not an attack on any specific user here#i've seen fantastic yujikiri posts and blogs and i've seen ones that make me want to scream and tear my hair out#in anticipation of anyone who would retort using something like this as an argument :#yes i do think shipping kirito and rogu is just as weird as shipping kirito with silica#silica can have her one-sided crush it's fine these things happen#but suggesting kirito should reciprocate ? big no no for me.#suguha is a different case entirely since she did have romantic feelings for him at some point but clearly those are fading over time#and their relationship as siblings is getting healthier too#but i'm not here to do a commentary on sao shipping in general#y'know. i guess i should've been expecting something like this to happen sooner or later considering how harem-focused the gameverse is#why wouldn't people want to sexualize every new character am i right ?#ugh.#what's true is that the design of rogu's outfit is definitely NOT helping people's view of him. hate that for me.#teka rambles#if people treated rogu half as decently as they treated silica i wouldn't be making this post
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i was just talking about my favorite professor from undergrad who taught me queer lit?? and so i decided to email her to catch up and in the middle just dropped the bomb that i’ve since come out as bi and i spun it as a joke and was like “haha if i could go back in time i’d probably write a v different final essay for your class!!”
anyway i am literally shaking lol why did i do that 😂😂
#i loved her i definitely had a baby queer crush on her and just did NOT understand what was happening#she was this tiny butch lesbian who was like a head shorter than me and was just#so cool and i loved hanging out and talking with her#and once we had a v awkward late night convo at like??? 1:30AM when she emailed me asking me to stop by her office#and it was basically her fretting if i’d skipped out on her office hours one day bc of any perceived feelings on her part#which was not the case i skipped out on the hours bc i had pulled a procrastinator asshole move and not read the book yet#anyway i got v flustered bc i was trying to lie about having not read the book#and i think she got v flustered bc she was worried that i was some straight girl having a panic moment about her#(to this day i don’t know if she DID have feelings and that’s why she was worried?? or if she was just concerned i was misunderstanding)#(i can honestly say my mind had never gone there at that point)#(but i CAN say for years now I’ve been like ‘ok but??? DID SHE??’ mainly bc. again. i was OBSESSED with her )#kat is bi
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feel free to ignore if you’ve already talked about this before, but i was running prae recently and it got me curious about gaius’s feelings on livia / nero / rhitahtyn? or the xivth in general. :>
i have been roosting on this for. weeks? months? because i have Thoughts and not a lot of them are popular probably lol. long long post below. so!
Livia and Lucia lived with Gaius after they were orphaned. The wiki gives like one sentence to say they were separated, but there's no linked proof. For the purposes of my canon, Lucia and Livia are identical twins, and fell into Gaius' custody around the age of nine or ten. (Mayhaps they had intended to separate them, but doing so to people so obviously two halves of one soul, as twins are oft believed to be, was cruel.)
Livia and Lucia were Gaius' first children. He was 39 and had spent twenty five years in the military already, a feat both telling of his ability and his early enlistment. Those who made it to twenty summers in the military had their futures financially secured for them. Gaius would never want for anything, and he now felt that he could offer himself up as a mentor figure to those younger... because as a child who had raised himself and had grown up in the military, he believed that all children needed was a safe home, plentiful meals, and education. His coin could provide all of those things.
Gaius scarcely remembered being ten years old. Not from lack of trying but from purposeful forgetfulness, a merciful omission made by his subconscious to truly forget the half-dozen winters spent trying to relieve his mother of her grief and fending for himself. He thinks he remembers being lonely, and cold, and scared. That, he thinks, he can avoid with the twins, even while he's on a tour of duty. He is so resplendently well-off and respected that the girls could attend private lessons and be dressed in the warmest coats.
(Providing the essentials - even to a level bordering on excessive, or stifling - is not a love children need. His first daughters were no better off than he at ten: they may have been clothed, in classes, and being raised by one of the military's finest, but they were still cripplingly alone. It is a knife he had handed all of his children, something he doesn't feel the blade of for over a dozen years.)
Livia was desperately, horridly lonely. Even before the death of her parents, she did not receive the amount of attention and love that she felt she needed. Her parents attention had always been split between her and her sister, and - as is often the case in multiple child households - Lucia was often seen as the more proper daughter. Upon their demise, Livia was left with a flurry of emotions she had yet to truly acknowledge and decode as one would growing up. Without a proper parent to idealize and a healthy, consistent environment to grow up in, Livia gorged herself on any and all attention, no matter how uncouth or unhinged. All attention was good attention.
She idolized Gaius to a suffocating degree. After her parents died, it seemed as if he swooped in and brought them into gilded luxury: she had everything she could have ever desired... but somehow - ... she still felt empty. But she felt loved and seen whenever he was home. She didn't know what she wanted, nor did she have the maturity to know there was a what: she simply wanted whatever scraps of affection he would offer... and never quite grew out of that. Trauma and emotional neglect is a bear trap one does not get free from on their own. Unfortunately, Livia was very much alone.
Lucia fled Garlemald at sixteen. Both girls were enrolled in the military at fifteen - one more willing than the other. Livia made leaps and bounds in a short few years, clawing her way to fight at Gaius' side, where she believed she belonged. Lucia focused on espionage, and used her adopted father's name to her advantage... and fled. Livia never saw Lucia after that, and died not knowing if her sister had ever found what she had sought in the savage lands.
Rhitahtyn, by comparison, was decidedly more a younger brother than son. A half dozen years his junior, Rhitahtyn entered the military not long after Gaius turned twenty-four. Not long after, Rhitahtyn was assigned to Gaius' very first platoon of soldiers ... as those from conquered lands were oft used as a new General's testing group.
Rhitahtyn and other Roe folk often used their native tongue to chitchat when in the barracks or otherwise not under the direct eye of Garlemald... or when they believed their superior to be ignorant of the language. Gaius had been in the military over a decade by the time they crossed paths and had chosen to learn the basics of the tongues spoken by those under his command. Needless to say, Rhitahtyn had choice words for his leader. (Needless to say, Gaius had his own in return. The floors of the platoon's bedquarters would never be nearly as clean as the Roe had made them that night as punishment.)
Despite the bad foot they got off on, Gaius saw promise in the younger man. He remained level-headed no matter the confrontation, already had years of work behind him as a mercenary, and had a sharp wit to boot. As time went on, their footing became less uneven, and Gaius began to see him as a peer instead of a recruit. Time and time again, he chose Rhi to be at his side, much like Nero and Livia.
Rhi knew the rest of Gaius' children. He met all of the Au Ri from Terncliff: he knew the Garlean orphans the man sponsored care for. They all came to see the Roe in a similar light to Gaius, despite the wide age gap between himself and them: to his children, Rhi was but another sibling. (It was Alphonse, still losing baby teeth and learning how Garlean names worked, who stumbled over Rhitahtyn's name enough that 'Rhi' came to be. Only the children dubbed him so. It was not a name Gaius would ever admit to using.)
As it is in canon, Gaius would not have sent Rhi to Cape Westwind to die. He would not have left the grounds to Livia and others. He did not believe the Warrior of Light so strong as to put down two soldiers he had trained himself: he had more faith in their abilities - and in Garlemald - than he had fear of the Warrior.
(As not many survived Westwind or after, it took Gaius many, many years to learn how Rhitahtyn perished - a fact only the Warrior of Light carried with them. He knew he had perished: he knew he had fought until the end. But to know that his brother-in-arms had fully intended to go down in flames with the Warrior of Light - ... to say he has regrets is but a sliver of the truth.)
In a perfect world, Gaius may have set up Nero with one of his daughters. In a perfect world, Midas would not have perished, and they would have happily co-parented Cid. Both Cid and Nero were born when Gaius was in his early twenties, and he sees both men in a similar light, much to Nero's disgust. A little competition never hurt anyone, and each boy's promise seemed to ignite fire in the other.
Much akin to Livia and Lucia, Nero is ... definitely the black sheep. While close to the age of his adult children, the man froths at the mouth when such is spoken, forever rushing to be great in his own right. Nero's sights for the future - his future, specifically - is both endearing and infuriating to Gaius, who sees his soldiers as part of a larger whole.
Unfortunately, no matter how infuriating or offbeat he is, Nero is a genius... but would have still come up short, had Cid stayed in Garlemald. Gaius knows this. Nero knows this, and he will fight until he is near dead to get out of the shadow Cid left behind by simply existing.
(Nero does not know why the shadow remains. He does not know why Gaius is soft-hearted for Cid, or why his voice is so fond for Midas. His relationship with the scientist is a secret only two other people were privy to: Midas' wife, and Cid. By the time Gaius meets Nero, Midas' widow has long since disappeared from under Garlemald's eye... and Cid is presumed dead.)
Had Lucia not fled and had Livia been sound of mind, he does think they would have made a fine lineage, all things considered. However, Livia only had eyes for Gaius... and Nero only had eyes for Cid.
#age gaps tw#hm#mental illness tw#unhealthy relationships tw#how to tag. idk. d.addy i.ssues (tm) but not in a f un way#ⅩⅣ tertius oculus ( hcs. )#dubious consent tw#PROBABLY. BECAUSE LIKE FRANKLY she definitely came onto him. he just wasn't interested#me squinting at some vague roman history lore: good enough#not me projecting my parental issues lmfao#idk i definitely resonate w/ l.ivia. or i did as a preteen/early teen. which is why i peg her as Unwell#bc she's exhibiting behavior at 26-ish as i was at 13-ish#trauma does that to a bitch. im sorry l.ivia. you're cringe but you're understandable#idk i have a lot to say about the objectification/adultification of pre/teen girls who -#- obviously act the way they act because they don't have a healthy environment to explore and untangle their emotions -#and don't have a safe spot or person to go 'i can't tell if i have a crush on this teacher or if he reminds me of my father'#because - especially if you're emotionally neglected - deciphering the love languages and the meaning of attention can be difficult#or i found it to be as a pre/teen :) the amount of teachers i pack bonded on bc i wanted to be loved so bad that i didn't care how that was#very cringe of me. very mentally unwell of me. but i was unwell. i was neglected. and so were l.ucia and l.ivia! so. confetti#war tw#death tw#fire tw
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stupid stupid stupid stupid I am so fucking stupid
(LONG rant in the tags. originally a little longer still but apparently there were too many tags so tumblr deleted the rest lol)
#ahahahaha so i applied for a (fixed-period) job that was like. right up my alley?#and i was one of the two applicants and they invited me to a Teams interview which was supposed to be last monday#but when i heard the other applicant is someone who's been working for them for the past semester i was like 🤡#hmmmm i do wonder which one of us they'll hire!! 🙂#and i was crushed because why can't things go my way for once#being a job-seeker in this area on my field is so stressful and depressing if you don't have the right connections#so i cancelled the interview with an email on the morning of the interview#because i just couldn't motivate myself to go even for practice. i just couldn't#i did consider calling the place and asking if the sitauation was like i suspected#but i didn't because i am not a fully functional adult ✌️🤷♀️#well. today i noticed that they have opened the position again 🤡#which means that for one reason or another they're not going to hire the person who's been doing that exact job for them before?#and now i'm crying because lmao what kind of impression i'll be giving of myself#if i call them now and tell them why i cancelled the interview?#''yeah so i stood you up because i'm a hardened pessimist and thought i had no chance pls hire me lol''#who's gonna want to hire a loser like this 🙃 a loser who couldn't even bother calling them like a normal adult would've#and also what if my employment agency finds out i didn't go to the interview? they could cancel my allowance ahahahahahAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAA#god i hate being unemployed and i hate job seeking so much it hurts#my self-confidence is nowhere near it should be if you were actually to do well in job interviews etc.#''why do you think you'd be good for this job?'' I'M NOT! YOU'LL BE DEFINITELY BETTER OFF HIRING ANYONE ELSE!!#and some people's advice for job interviews be like ''just be yourself!'' like honey no#if i'm myself at a job interview absolutely no one's gonna want me ahaha#job-seeking is just so fucking crushing and humiliating#like. when you're studying and you have an exam? you can study for it as hard as you can and try to do your best#and you'll get the grade you deserve. if someone gets the highest grade it doesn't effect YOUR chance to get the highest grade as well#but when applying for a job? you can write a splendid application text and answer the interview questions as best as you can#but if there's another applicant that's significantly more qualified or experienced than you they WILL be hired over you#so you can try your best and IT'S STILL NOT ENOUGH#and that's why i didn't go to the job interview. because i wanted to protect myself from that heartbreak again#doing the best i can and still not getting the job
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